#and also it was poorly done but that’s a different convo

[musclesandhammering]

If you’re anti s*lvie/s*lki and anti l*kius but still enjoy the show (or at least parts of it), please follow me. It’s a very small bunch.

[strawberrysnoopy]

ACT ONE: The Photo Shoot, part one

prologue

summary of the series: for months, leon has been writhing in his bed dreaming of his friend's wife (you). he's been fighting the desperation for months until that one night you bring up a lingerie shoot you've done for a prestigious brand.

summary of this part: recalling the first time you and leon met, you've realized you've been poorly treated by your husband. leon is no different, in a toxic relationship with his wife, ada wong. as the seeds of resentment have begun to germinate, the desire for you grows like a brush fire nearby.

warnings: MENTIONS OF PUKE, BUT NOT ACTUAL PUKING, leon teaches you how to smoke (i don't wanna see no dumb stupid comments about "oh but leon hates smoking", well leon isn't disloyal but here we are), brief use of (adjective) girl (atta girl, good girl, silly girl), praise, mentions of misogyny (not from Leon ofc), awkward, tense ass convos, a fuckton of desc. and a little description, no sex (yet ;) ), cussing, descriptions of fucking, descriptions of masturbation, semi-public masturbation, almost caught masturbating, slight corruption kink (? if you squint), alcohol consumption, use of tobacco, smoking, implied sexual references, etc.

also a/n, writing this as of feb. 2nd, 2024: 60 notes?!!!!! i was writing this for my own personal pleasure but like...??!?! i got reblogged so many times?! im gagged, tysm you guys!!! making a playlist rn, so excited to release the soundtrack. if you see little random edits, i'm probably obsessing over the fic and trying to make it perfect lol/anticipate changes. i would also like to write I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING! always communicate with your partner, discuss issues, etc. this fic is just a lil’ taboo type of fantasy, do NOT cheat on your partners.

The first time you met Leon was at a grocery store: two weeks before your husband would have any idea of his existence and one week before he had invited Leon and his wife, Ada, over for dinner. You were picking up a bottle of red wine for you and your husband under the guise of wanting something nice for date night. The reality would actually be you were buying it for yourself after your husband decides you're not worth his affections anymore, lazily mosey on over to the spare room, and pull out his phone to text other women. The wine would be something to drink to inebriate you while you watched a shitty re-run of a sitcom from the 90s. Maybe if you got lucky, Golden Girls was on.

He was only browsing, stumbling upon the liquor section and staying to look if there would be anything worthwhile. And there was. It was you. He knew he had to think of something witty, something cool people say, before you left and thought he was some creep staring at you because he saw a smidgen of your breasts in a magazine. "You're a famous model, right?" He asked. Oh, how stupid he felt. He was a chronic overthinker: thinking of every last terrible scenario, a trait he picked up after becoming an agent. This had certainly felt like one of the worst options he picked, especially with how you would-- You interrupted him. "Yeah, that's me." The subtle sweetness, the slight rasp in your voice was better than anything any street drug could offer with the amount of dopamine flooding into his brain: overloading every neuron, synapse, dendrite, and cell membrane in his body.

But for whatever reason, he stretched his hand outwards and lazily grinned towards you. "I'm Leon." "Nice to meet you. Well, I'd say my name but y'know..." He nodded in an awkward agreement before you could even finish your sentence, but not daring to go as far to interrupt you. He felt as if he already started off the conversation with a cumbersome beginning. "Right, right. So, that's your real name? I see a lot of models use stage names n' stuff like that." He adjusts his weight from one foot to the other, switching the hand holding his grocery basket from his right to his left. He felt so...awkward around you. Maybe it was the fact you were a famous model, or maybe it was the fact you were just so calm. The joke causes a soft chuckle to leave your lips and the mere look of a fleeting moment of bliss to cross over your features makes his knees turn into gelatin. Those nerves solidify into stone when the overwhelming sense of guilt hits him like a tidal wave but allows it to wash over him for the sake of continuing the conversation.

"Yeah, just my regular name. I'm not that creative outside of modeling. Usually the photographers do the thinking and the creative processes for me." He chuckled, shaking his head and barely moving himself a little closer. Leon wanted to sink in that gentle, warm, and soft presence you carried around with you. Your aura felt comforting: like a hug after a tough day: it had felt so much more different than his wife. True, Ada could be affectionate but that's usually only after something good has happened to her or Leon was her last resort of attention. He really hated how much he would act like an obedient dog, awaiting her arrival home, coming back to her after she's treated him like dirt. You? You felt so goddamn altruistic and considerate. And he's only known you for three minutes.

You notice he's gone silent and you're silently hoping he thought you were cool. Cool. Like a teenager trying to fit in. You silently cringe at yourself until he smiles at you, almost like he's signaling you to continue the conversation. You can't think of any conversation starters. And you're a model for gods sake. You're usually so outgoing and social with other people but now it's like a cat came by and stole your voice box. Thankfully, he takes over that portion for you. "Buying wine?" He knew it was dry as all hell but he wanted to steer the conversation away from him being a fan of your modeling gigs. No, he just wanted to talk to you and discover what you were like behind the camera. (Okay, and maybe he wanted to see if you'd flirt with him.) "Yup. But I'm just buying wine for..." You paused, about to say 'for me and my husband' but your throat becomes dry whenever you feel like you're about to announce it to him. "...Myself."

He smiles. He likes that you're awkward in real life. The fact made you feel more real, like you weren't just some sexy model with expensive tastes and a bratty attitude. You were a person like anyone else.

"Right. Me too, just uh...just browsing." You nod, fidgeting anxiously with the sleeves of the coat you decided to toss on last minute before leaving the house.

The conversation went on to end when you eventually realized you would be home late. Although you thought that worrying your husband a little would be the thing that reignited the spark in your marriage, you knew that punctuality was a habit you'd like to upkeep. That, and you also knew if you talked to this handsome stranger for longer, you'd cheat on your husband. That night, Leon had fallen asleep to the thought of you for the first time. Soft little visions of pressing his lips against yours, caressing your cheek softly and whispering sweet nothings into your ear, etc, etc, cheesy lovey dovey bullshit. So much more different than the truly filthy thoughts he had about you nowadays. You're torn from your conversation with your friends when you make eye contact with him. You can practically feel his eyes travel from the hair at the highest point on your head to the very last bit of your black, leathery heels with perfect pretty pearls embellished on the pump. For a moment, you feel like you're trapped in some type of horny labyrinth while you stare longingly at him.

He's ripped out of his own longing by the feeling of your husband's hand slapping his back. Ada sat beside Leon with her arm protectively wrapped around his bicep. You felt as if the gesture were a signal to everyone at the party that Leon belonged to her. He was under her control, nobody else's. Or maybe the protective message was for her husband, as if he was an unruly friend to her husband. And you could agree with that. You fell in love with your husband because he was wild and care-free but after the diamond ring was slipped onto your ring finger, you realized he was also carefree in the sense that hurt you: talking to other women behind your back, and leaving for days at a time only to come back inebriated. But you stood by his side, no matter what. You hated how you felt like a doormat but you didn't know what else to do besides stay married and play the role of an oblivious wife while your husband fucks other women in various positions. In a way, you and Leon sat in the same loveless boat. Who knew when that same boat would be shaking from the violence of the both of you fucking, clothing pulled out and to the side instead of being fully taken off. Your thoughts become interrupted by an unmistakably handsome voice.

"Hey."

You feel a hand being placed upon your lower back except it's so much more different than your husband's. The palms were rough, callouses inside the nooks and crannies, and pulsing veins make you all dizzy if you thought about it for too long. His voice was dampened with some undertone of lust, his fingers prodding into the skin of your sides. He's always been a little too handsy for a man that's supposed to happily married. But you always figured touch was how he communicates: touch. But he's never touchy with your husband. Or any of your friends. And he missed you? Sure, your're friends due to the fact your husband was friends with Leon. (Even though you met him first, but I digress.) The simple phrase had your mind reeling, cheeks flushed red due to the hidden intimacy of it all. His wife shoots him a look and his hand immediately retreats back to his side, fighting the urge to palm the engorged erection struggling against the seam of his boxers. "Haven't seen you in so long, hm? Thought you disappeared on me for a minute." He's holding his facade of being totally and irrevocably in love with Ada up and steady. Like he had no feelings for you other than being friends.

"Of course not." You murmur, feeling a hearty chuckle reverberate from his chest. He takes his index finger and his thumb and gently swiping it against your chin.

"Atta girl." And of course, with how hoarse his voice is, your panties are instantly puddled with a thick pool of arousal. You hate his stupid, thick, sexy, and deep voice. You especially hate his voice whenever you imagine him degrading and praising you whenever your husband was away and you just happened to have your hand down your underwear, playing with your clit to ease the throbbing impulses you felt for Leon. He gives your back a single pat before moving back to stand beside his wife. You really hate that you feel jealousy flare like wildfire within you, but you brush it off.

Everyone would eventually be drawn to the several dining tables that were arranged in a group and had golden candlesticks and smooth white tablecloths on top. Once you are seated, you observe that Leon appears to be striving extra hard to guarantee his place beside you. He looks right at you for a brief moment. And only then can you see, just a hint of thirst sprouting in his eyes, before he glances away from you and gives Ada a quick smile while patting her thigh.

It's only a few minutes before Leon decides to break the awkward silence.

"How's that modeling gig going?" You nod, gulping down way too much champagne.

"Good, been going good. Have to admit it gets a little boring posing in front of the camera after a while but can't bite the hand that pays you, right?" You joke, and the table laughs with some sense of jealousy. "Nice to hear. What was your latest shoot?" He asked, leaning forward in a sudden rush of intrigue. Then those words pass your lips. Words he had never anticipated, even in his wildest guess (oddly.)

"A lingerie shoot. For Chanel." The table goes quiet. And everyone, including your dumb-ass husband, look at you. Someone (Ada) clears their throat in the dining room, hinting at you to elaborate and it's almost like you suddenly developed to ability to hear from light years away.

Leon, who had just finally got his goddamn boner under control feels his cock twitch back to life, fully hard instead of a semi this time. And correct him if he's wrong, but he starts to feel pre-cum smearing his dress pants. He's thankful he chose the black slacks instead of his lighter colored ones otherwise this would be downright humiliating.

"Sorry, um...I did an intimates photo-shoot for Chanel a few weeks ago for their new line of clothing." That seems to help lighten the mood a lot more because everyone goes back to their conversation with their respective friends, the embarrassing "confession" from you immediately leaving their minds. "The theme was Overtime. Like, staying later in the office with my shirt unbuttoned and stuff. Nothing that interesting."

The table simultaneously nodded, Leon going as far to excuse himself for a cigarette.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have a smoke." Leon scoots out from his seat, heading towards the upstairs balcony to take care of business. Asshole, leaving me with his mean ass wife.

You decide to join him outside.

The air had finally gotten too tense, felt too judgmental for your taste. Scampering outside, you're met with the sight of Leon smoking a cigarette outside. That's odd: you've usually pegged him to be the straight-laced, no-nonsense type of man yet here he was, smoking a cigarette while leaning against the balustrade of their friend's top floor home. At the sound of the balcony door opening, he turns his head to see what you're doing out here. His eyes scan you, almost like he would while he's in combat but it's more or less to get another glimpse of the outfit you were wearing tonight. Okay, and maybe he wanted to commit the sight of you to memory.

"You alright?" He asked, trying his best to look straight forward when you step closer and cross your arms over the balustrade.

"M'fine, just needed a minute of fresh air, I think." When you sit beside Leon, there's a few things you notice. The first was his outfit. A white button-up that usually would be covered by his black suit jacket, though he left it behind on his chair in the dining room. There's also mentioning his blacks slacks, fitting his muscular thighs a bit tight but loose enough so they're comfortable. Then there's the dress shoes, ones he wore at his wedding due to how overly formal they looked. Maybe he wanted to get some more use out of them? Who knows.

"What about you? Why are you out here?" You decided to be the one to take the reigns since the air outside had become incredibly awkward as well. "Same. Thought I'd take a minute of fresh air, you know?" The second thing you notice about Leon is how much he calms you. More importantly, how much you never noticed that you were anxious when you were around others. He had this aura of relaxing or maybe you were just buzzed, who knows that either? Maybe it's the cigarette, speaking of...

"I haven't smoked since college. Cigarettes, I mean. Don't think I even know how to do it anymore." The confession makes his head tilt to the side, now taking more of an interest in the conversation than before. He grinned wolfishly, taking your chin in one of his thick and strong hands and pulling your head forward. For a second, you could almost be dumb enough to think he'd be moving in for a kiss. Of course not. You'd never be that lucky. "Open f'me, sweetheart." And like an obedient puppy, you opened your mouth just enough so your pretty pink-shaded lips could be parted. He placed the cigarette on your lip, the moisture making the filter stay in your mouth alongside his index and middle finger holding it up, thumb brushing your chin. Little hazes of grey smoke dance along your tongue without even taking a sip of the smoke yet, your lips trembling with a lustful agony. "Now close your mouth..." He whispered, his damp and hot and horny breath hitting your ear like an affectionate declaration of love. "And inhale."

You close your lips around the cigarette, faintly tasting the flavor of him where he had sucked on the cigarette. You got notes of citrus, rum or some expensive, top-shelf label of whiskey he used to help quell the pain he experienced on grueling missions, tobacco, and maybe even the slightest hint of his wife's lipstick. Chanel's Rogue Allure, if you had to guess correctly. "...Now hold it..."

You held it. "Silly girl." He whispered, pulling the cigarette away from your lips while you slowly exhaled the rest of the smoke you've been holding in your mouth and then some. You can't tell if it's because of the alcohol, Leon's presence, or your mere anxiety but you begin to feel dizzy. Thankfully Leon seems to swoop in with his questions to keep your head in the game. Bless him.

"Why'd you need a minute, huh?"

For a minute there, you didn't know how to respond. Looking down at the leathery pumps you chose for the evening, you begin to wonder why you even chose them instead of answering his question. But you answered him. Eventually.

"I'm just tired. This whole night just seems a bit…” You gesture to the party in the background. “Fake. I don’t want to be here."

He hummed in agreement, but it felt like more of a signal for you to keep going. "I'm also just terrible at making conversation. Especially when it's awkward and silent."

His eyes flicker down to the pumps he'd already stared at tonight, not finding an interest in them anymore than your own body. He tucked his lip between his teeth, pulling the pink flesh away from his mouth before he spoke up again. "You're not that bad, you know? I think you're pretty good. How about this?" He pauses. Then a beat passes.

"Tell me something true. Tell me something you wouldn't brag to anyone about." He moved his cigarette to rest on the balustrade instead of the space between his fingers. "Something that's yours...and only yours."

You look at Leon with wide eyes, mouth agape as you struggle to answer his question. Your eyes rake down his face from the space between his eyebrows to his parted, pink lips: just a little chapped from the cold chill of the night air. You wanted to kiss him. All of those times you've had him over for dinner, all of those times you've spent with your hand down your panties while your husband was away on "business": dreaming of his best friend, Leon, and god, all of those times you thought about throwing caution to the wind and leaning in to press your lips against his: the sum of all of those moments had you quivering for more.

But you'd never cheat. You have a reputation. You have a husband that gifted you the pretty diamond ring on your finger. But how did it always feel so...impossible? Like you couldn't live another day if you weren't able to fuck Leon like a rabid dog in heat. But he was staring at you, almost as if his eyes were laser beams and searing holes into your skin: you had to answer.

"I don't know what I could tell you that's only mine." You chew on your lip. "Huh. How about..."

How about the fact I wanna kiss you? I wish it was you I was in bed with rather than my stupid, cheating husband? The fact you are so much hotter than him?

"I hate being a trophy." And that brings the biggest grin on Leon's face. A massive shit-eating grin. Leon had gone stir crazy. He wanted to peel your entire being open, see all of the nooks and crannies of your soul and devour it whole. But now wasn't the time to scare you away: even if he wanted to fuck you, you were still a friend to him. So he calmed down. "I can't say that's too surprising. I mean, who would? Being able to be pretty and have money being tossed at you is nice until you want something deeper. Then it seems like one of the only things that are scarce in your life."

You nod, letting out a breath of consolation. "That's exactly how I feel. Like my only purpose is to sit still, look pretty, serve my husband, and be a hole when he needs it."

His eyes become downcast, looking down at the garden on the ground level of the restaurant. "I get what you mean." The moment was interrupted by a waiter peeking out on the two of you: head poked outside of the door that lead to the outside area. He pulls his hand away from your soft skin and back to his side, sighing wistfully that tonight wouldn't be the night he gets to act on his desires for you. Damn it all to hell.

"You should head back. I'll be back, yeah?" You nod and within a few seconds, you've returned to your spot at the dinner table. He sighs, hand slipping down to palm at his erection. Fuck. Can't go back like this.

Just resist. You're just another woman. You have a husband, He thinks to himself, I'm married to a lovely woman. I am a faithful husband. The silent mantra he practices on himself works about as well as a band-aid on a bullet hole. Resist. God, but you looked so pretty tonight. That cute jewelry set you wore with your little black dress? Hot. The smoothness of your skin?

Resist.

But he can't stop picturing you on your knees in front of him, sucking on his cock. The sounds your perfect, wet mouth would make. How he'd ease himself down your throat. How you'd whine.

Resist.

Or how about when he could be fucking his cock into your tight, wet, and warm cunt? The tip of his dick kissing your cervix? Or what about the positions he could force your body into? Like having his arm around your throat, bicep curling into your mouth to muffle your moans from his wife hearing? Or how one of his hands would be gripping your hips while he needily plowed into your pussy, while you begged him to let up. Resist.

Resist.

Fuck it.

In the few moments after he's excused himself from you, he's already rushing to the upstairs bathroom of the restaurant: thanking the holy beings above for making it a single stall bathroom for his jerking pleasure. He hastily unbuckles his belt with one hand, other hand impulsively opening Twitter as a first resort to find some fashion fanatic post about the slutty lingerie photo-shoot you did for Chanel. Alas, you're still a bit of an undiscovered goddess in the modeling industry at the moment: so Google is his next best option. He pulls out his half-hard but hardening cock from his jeans before he can even find your photo-shoot and gives it a quick few pumps to ease the throbbing that's starting to build up in his loins. Eventually, he finds it. Thank fucking god because the creativity for his fantasies are beginning to run quite dry. And instantly he's grunting and groaning while he strokes his cock and scrolls through the multiple scandalous photos the photographers took of you.

"Fuck." He winces in pleasurable agony as he stares at quite possibly his favorite photo of you. The photo was in black and white: theme being "Overtime" like you mentioned. The white button up shirt was undone, revealing you had nothing on underneath, and allowed for the side of your perfect breasts to be revealed. If he squinted just a little harder, he could see your puffy nipples threatening to peek out of the shirt. He tried squinting a little harder to see your nipples a little easier. And oh my god. You have piercings?! He almost shot his entire load on the spot. God, he needed to fuck you. And hard. He groans as he feel himself get closer to orgasm. Closer, and closer, until--

"Leon?"

Fuck. It was you. God, of course you're so goddamn sweet, checking up on him to make sure he's okay. He didn't dare stop stroking himself off, especially not when he's got jerk-worthy material of you almost catching him. That's also not mentioning the soft intonations of your almost innocent voice right there. He's trying not to cum too quick, wanting to savor those images for as long as he could but he also realized his wife might start asking some questions and she wouldn't be on the other side of the door if she came upstairs. "F-fuck, yeah?" He responded after much too long of hearing your sweet voice. "Did you need something?" "Are you okay? I just got worried when you left. You've been gone for like..." You check your wristwatch: a classic and dainty Timex from the 80s with a blank band that wrapped around your wrist snugly.

"Fifteen minutes. Do you need water? Ibuprofen?" He shakes his head as if you could see him while he continues to jerk himself off, hand swirling in a sort of cranking motion as he tries to work his cock to orgasm. But his pre-cum isn't coming out fast enough, not as fast as the pumping motions his hand was doing right now, so he spits in his hand before bringing his palm back down to his cock and lathering his dick in spit. You believe him enough to think he might be getting ready to vomit.

"Nah, jus'...ngh, drank too much, I think." Please keep talking, He selfishly thinks to himself. "Oh, okay. Well, if you need anything, just text me?" He nodded, grunting out a thank you while he continues to dream of ruthlessly fucking you until you're embedded into his mattress. He wants you. He needs you. He feels himself get a little closer until he finally releases into his fist. His hot and sticky cum ran down his palm while the waves of post-orgasmic bliss and post-nut clarity simultaneously moved together as one. For a few minutes, he's panting like a rabid dog in heat until his breath eventually stills and he's able to walk downstairs and look his wife in the face while giving her the impression that he definitely didn't just masturbate to his best friend's wife. When he sits down at the table, the first person he makes eye contact with is you. You smile at him, mouthing a "you okay?" because, of course, you're still worried about him being sick. He nods with a grin peeled onto his face. Because he came to the sound of your voice. And you didn't have a fucking clue.

credits: snoopy divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more heart divider by @saradika-graphics

[projectsekaitakes]

vbs constantly gets shit on the most out of any unit for having "bad writing" because people in this fandom don't have the media literacy to understand any subtlety/nuance in characters

(example: ken and people complaining that he was ooc when pushing vbs in the training arc when he literally had 0 behavior prior that would suggest he'd do otherwise... in general people expect ken to be "best dad" when he's actually a flawed individual who has caused an more damage than just the nagi situation; in earlier card stories it's heavily insinuated that an feels like her dad doesn't love her and has some internalized resentments against both her parents, and then there was also vot...)

additionally, i think the other problem is that people don't treat vbs like what it is.

a shounen.

yeah, of course it's structurally different from the other units, it's in the genre?

like just because an's grief was handled differently (primarily regulated to card stories + area convos + virtual lives) does not mean they overlooked it (also the paywalled/time sensitive lore is a game design issue, not a writing issue, but that's a seperate tangent).

it was done that way because narratively, the story would lose a lot of momentum, and an's character development would be drawn out (her situation with kohane would be pushed back) if we got like one or two more events dedicated to an grieving, for example. i mean, she still was grieving in oyf so idontseetheproblem.

idk i think i structured this poorly

‎

[journalsouppe]

My spread for To The Moon! A friend recommended me this game and although there were a lot of things I really liked about this game, I really really don't like sad stories so this particular game just wasn't for me. The storytelling and art and music was all super well done!! I just hate reading or watching something that will leave me depressed afterwards.

So I do recommend this game if you like sad stories and my score is very subjective to my personal tastes, so don't let that deter you if you are interested in this game. I also gave Celeste a low score even though if I had watched a playthrough instead of playing it, it would've been way higher (I hated the mechanics but loved the art and storytelling). It's just not for me and that's totally okay!

Writing typed below! + extra blurb

rating: 7 played: su 2023 port: pc (steam) fave? N replayable? N recommend? Y

Comments:

"he likes cats" "why does the world have to be so complicated"

i'm worried this will turn into a horror game lol. the art reminds me of the witch

so many rabbits

"you neurotypicals" i... don't think this convo has anything to do with neurodivergency

the environments are so gorgeous

repetitive gameplay- slows down storytelling

i like river's expressive eyes

cute lighthouse scene

if i had known the gameplay was this simple i prob wouldve watched keith or a similar lets player

aww pretty horse

oo it's getting creepy

why is neil missing

^ LMFAO NVM

OH SHIT

fucked they made him forget his own brother

NOT JOEY THIRD WHEELING

damn i do not like the mom

the fair is really cute

the river name scene is pissing me off (as someone who has such a rare name ive never met another person with my name irl or online, river is not that uncommon of a name T_T_T_T_TT_T)

awww his brother's back

the memory tech stuff is very confusing

idk why eva was so sketch i think neil wouldve agreed to it

why was the pill addiction relevant?? did i miss something??

Game notes:

beautiful music and pixel art

point and click walking

collect orbs to unlock memories

puzzle grid for memories

whac-a-mole with pretty janky controls

apparently you can move with arrow keys T_T

"combat" scene with dodging and shooting

Summary:

Although I liked the story and thought the thing was very wellmade, this game just wasn't my particular cup of tea. Similar to Celeste, I prob would've liked it if I had watched it instead. It's a depressing tale esp after realizing all the work you do is just some simulation and joey still died and river still died heartbroken. It's absolutely a game I'd recommend for people who like sad/sappy stories but it's not something I'd personally replay. Idk if I'll watch or play through the extra content, again this story just made me kinda depressed and i don't enjoy this feeling. I'm also confused why they acted like river's diagnosis was taboo or smth, she had smth like autism right? Why did they say so... The art style is very cute and the animations were done incredibly well. The environments were especially superbly made. The controls were a little odd esp for the mini games. A little disappointed I didn't learn to use the arrow keys until the last ten minutes of the game. Eva and Neil were fun characters, i liked their dynamic. I understand the structure of the story and finding key pieces of their life, but the gameplay got pretty repetitive and tedious until the switch in act 2/3. Overall, a good game with beautiful designs and simple mechanics. If you like sad/tragic stories then I def recommend. This game reminds me a lot of UP (the movie) so I think MC would really like this game (an old teacher of mine).

Also a little note on my comments for autism, I also have autism so it just felt a little weird playing this game. I'm sure the attitudes around autism were much different in the time they were depicting (probably around the mid to late 20th century) but it still rubbed me the wrong way that it seemed everyone treated river poorly, especially her husband. And I also just hate miscommunication tropes so bad so part of that really played into some of the diagnosis and storytelling. Again, not a game for me personally and these were just my critiques but I'm not actually or seriously offended by this game, I just hate sad shit!!!!!!

[lirotation]

Midnight rant, urg. May have spoilers.

I just finished the game. I am exhausted, but i am so upset that i cannot sleep.

The game itself is very fun, for a dnd fan like me, it is a dream come true. I invested 160+ hours of honest playing, and for what?

Mass effect 3 vibe all over again. What the hell happened to the ending? Not even a classic illustration and narration slideshow? My ending convo with asty was bugged out and skipped. Can you imagine my shock when the game just returned to the main manual like that?

When i finally got it to work(someone had to die), my Astarion, after time and again i told him to be his own person, ended up doing whatever i say. After all we've been through, he still feels insecure about our relationship.

He was so terrified in the upper city i couldn't even have a word with him. I felt bad bringing him with me to the final battle.

They clearly put more effort into astarion's evil route. There are tons more dialogues and way better cutscenes.

I can't believe this. it's such a good game up until the very end.

I only played it once, and i felt like romance is poorly implemented to the story, at least for Astarion. Gale seemed to be the main guy, and Lae'zel the main girl, for their personal quests are a lot more complicated and go on through the entire game. Astarion's personal quest is way off on the side. The whole Raphael and orthron deal to advance through his personal quest feels forced. He is the origin character that's least connected to the main story. You would think for a poster boy who had a huge fan base, he would be more polished.

his romance dialogue and story dialogues are mixed together. That made him seem inconsistent. Sex one night and angry the other. Tav was supposed to be seduced, but conversation options like "i thought you dislike me," "i thought you hate me." Kept popping up. It was immersion breaking. His theatrics already made me cringe, and the inconsistencies just broke the romance for me. Then, after the scar scene, there are no more scenes like that. The entire act 2, aside from his personal quest and romance scene, there was nothing else. Act 3, after cazador, that was it. Aside from some comments here and there, his job is done.

Also, I really wish they would give him a different reaction to tav's invitations. At least after a certain stage, he can refuse her if she is already bloodless, showing that he cares? I feel shadowheart is a part of this relationship bc every morning, tav has to visit her to remove the bloodless debuff.

After all the blood tav fed him, after running to the side to deal with his past, he said, "After everything i sacrificed." What did he sacrifice? Tav cuddled him through the game, all the way!

Lord asty is an abusive asshole. Spawn asty is completely dominated by Tav, lovely.

Maybe he is meant for durge? I will try it eventually, but not soon, still very upset.

[from-the-clouds]

Word vomit incoming 😂

I started succession and i blame you 😂 and like this is the most unhinged show ive ever seen, i’m only 4 eps in but what i actually wanted to say is that this entire time i can not stop thinking about texas sun’s reader and how i kinda imagine her being a member of a similar family except everyone is as unhinged as in succession and she’s the closest one to being a normal human being. And just like i feel that at some point (if we ignore the outbreak and pretend they had more time) she has to have a conversation with joel about their family having a wealth consultant and i think thats just such a hilarious convo to have with someone and she’d think joel is gonna make fun of her and just like little snippets or similar plot here and there, like WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IM UNHINGED 😂😂😂😂

hahaha i LOVE FORCING PEOPLE TO WATCH THIS SHOW. it's so unhinged like i truly went into that show watching it thinking it was about one thing when it ended up being about a completely different thing.

so im lame and i like to fill out extensive character sheets before i start fics so i have THOUGHT about all these things you are talking about and if you're interested they are all below the cut. worldbuilding/backstories are genuinely one of my favorite parts of writing fic

so weirdly i think her life is somewhat inspired by succession but i also was really pulling from phoebe and holden caulfield from the book catcher in the rye (i was obsessed with it in high school). i always thought holden's sensitivity towards his little sister phoebe was really sweet and that's what made me write reader and her brother the way i did. BUT in general, pieces of media about rich people living in nyc will always have a lot of similarities.

i feel like her family is not nearly as rich or famous or as fucked up as the roys. like i wrote her dad as a criminal defense attorney, i could see him making headlines for taking on cases with a lot of media attention but she wouldn't have to worry about being in the public eye. i also don't think her dad forced her and her brother to compete with each other to be involved in the business or to get his approval -- a lot of the tension between her and her brother stems from how they both responded to their dad's abuse and neglect. her brother stuck around and tried to mend his relationship with their father, but she was like 'fuck this, im out'.

but the wealth consultant!!! lmao. i feel like joel definitely got hints that she was rich but she maybe never rubbed it in his face or she tried to (poorly) play it off. like her ass went to private school and played tennis i think he gets it. but i did imagine that she had cut herself off financially from her dad at that point, just to prove she could do it alone. BUT i still think her dad would've left her money after he died. and maybe that's when she'd be a little more forthcoming about the differences in their upbringings. he might've teased her for being kind of spoiled but i also feel like even though she was spoiled there were a lot of things she DIDNT get growing up. but yeah, he would've ultimately been fine with it because without the outbreak, he probably could've ended up being a stay at home dad 😂😂😂

[the-catbeast-lawfirm]

Jurassic park trending is what will finally talk about just finishing the book is what’ll finally put me over the edge and talk about it after finishing the book last week

I’ve never seen the movie so I got to go into it with no expectations which is fun. And I really liked it! I absolutely do plan on reading another work from Crichton again

I will say I was a bit shocked that it kinda starts up with some pretty noticeable racism and misogyny and it’s pretty clearly there to dismiss both women and brown people (like the beginning of Dracula daily how Johnatan dismisses the locals as superstitious) however there’s some cases where I’m not entirely sure what the purpose of putting some things in and no matter the purpose some just leave a weird taste these are mostly all contained at the beginning before our protagonists are established. (There’s fat phobia also but it’s got no purpose other than stereotyping)

The narrative tbh sometimes feels like one of the books that predicts the future if you swap out developing dinosaurs with Elon musk doing anything at all it’s very clearly a critique of rich people poking around with things they don’t know shit about bc they’re rich. It even starts with how the company behind Jurassic park declared bankruptcy quietly and no one really cared at all bc there’s a whole lot of other shit with these bio-experiment companies and it’s just not surprising they’re all failing.

The rich ass hole only brought his grand kids to show to his lawyer that it’s safe for children btw. It was something his lawyer did not agree with and tried making him send them back because clearly the unfinished dinosaur park that dinos are escaping out of is not a safe place at all.

The little girl (lex) feels poorly written and by that she and only she is constantly complaining (which is fair! She’s 7 but that complaining should’ve been shared among other characters. Her brother is 11 or12 why’s he never complaining???) however she’s the only one pointing out that these people should be hungry. The portrayal of hunger is unrealistic they go like a day and a half without food. Also idk how the dinosaurs see non moving trees or meat or cars but not non moving people that didn’t make sense. It’s the type of error I’m most afraid of making.

The book is pretty blunt on what it thinks, you’ve got to have bad reading comprehension to think that any part of this park was a good idea. This is mainly done through Malcom and Hammond

This book has a lot of graphs and sections of coding language even which I think was a trend at the time of writing but uncommon to see it made you feel the effort and research put into the book

Thanks for reading my word soup but I don’t really have a point. I’m bad at getting people into things because I bring up anything I didn’t like to properly warn people while I get vague on what I do like to not spoil it. I will say that from a convo with my husband the deaths are completely different from book to movie so if you enjoyed dinosaurs killing people and getting killed it’ll still be surprising in the book even if you’ve watched the movie.

[p1hypen]

when he’s jealous — P1HARMONY!maknae line

what are the maknae’s like when they’re jealous? ft. maknae line!p1harmony x gn!reader genre! jealousy, fluff w/c! 1302

a/n: sorry this took sooo long! way overdue :( in the midst of a burnout from summer courses i’ve also been stressing about going back to college for my second year. i kind of rushed jongseob’s and idk if you would consider soul’s as a ‘jealousy’ thing. this is the best i could do for now >_<

intak

both you and intak started off as individualists on social media filming choreography videos of yourselves. from kpop covers to tiktok challenges to freestyles, you name it. now, the two of you were dancing together after being scouted and auditioning for a local dance crew in your area. joining a team was the least of your expectations. for a while you were convinced that you’d have to continue your hobby as a soloist, but becoming a part of a second family was beyond your thinking.

it was another long day of filming. you sat on the edge of the sidewalk downing a bottle of water and wiping at the sweat gathering on your forehead.

“here, use this instead. it’s clean,” you looked up to see intak with his arm outstretched offering you a fresh towel. you thanked him with a shy smile and dabbed at your skin, sighing softly. intak sat next to you, mirroring your expression and taking a swig of water from his own bottle.

“you did good today. well, i mean like, you always dance… good.” he rubbed the nape of his neck awkwardly, mentally cursing himself for probably looking stupid just trying to spark a casual convo.

you giggled, “thank you, you did really good today as well.”

a beat of silence passes. intak purses his lips in a thin line while racking through his brain to think of something to say. just as he’s about to open his mouth someone has already beaten him to it.

“hey,” neither you nor intak recognizes this person and to say you’re caught off guard would be an understatement. “i saw you dancing and just wanted to say you’re like really cute.” the stranger has you blushing at the compliment. it doesn’t sit well with intak. he grits his teeth, subconsciously clenching his jaw to bite back from intervening.

“i hope this isn’t weird and i’ll totally respect your privacy but i was wondering if…” they look off to the side. intak’s eyes narrow at their nervous demeanor. “could i get your num—“

the brunette pushes himself off the curb of the sidewalk and without thinking— as if his mind completely went on autopilot— intak grabs your wrist. pulling you to your feet while almost stumbling into his arms. “sorry we gotta go record one more take for the video.” before you could even think to retort or apologize to the person, you’re being dragged behind intak with his back faced to you.

your cheeks are burning once again, this time for a completely different reason— and it’s not because of the stranger from before.

soul

joining school clubs were never your forte, but when your best friend forced you to sign up for one so she “wouldn’t be alone,” you had no other choice but to comply and simply go along with her pleas. knowing her, she’d never let you hear the end of it unless she successfully got her way; spoiled as always.

what you didn’t expect was the mandatory participation for every club meeting or event that was organized. along with the after school hour meetings that everyone had to attend.

it was thirty minutes past five. you’ve been on campus since eight in the morning and now you’re currently stuck having to help the club prepare signs for the festival tomorrow. your friend left an hour ago for a family dinner. since then you’ve been painting letters on poster boards with riki and shota as the faint sound of music playing from the speaker fills the quiet void of the classroom.

“ah shoot,” you curse out a string of profanities under your breath. riki looks up from the corner of his poorly done paint strokes in an attempt to ‘design’ the poster. a splash of blue from who knows where and who knows how it got there creates a stain on your skirt. in the most obvious spot, may i add.

you audibly groan and this time shota’s eyes are focused on you too. he immediately recognizes the new dash of color on your school uniform, confirming that the stain is indeed evident. “i literally just bought this skirt recently and now there’s paint on it.”

“here,” riki grabs a nearby paper towel and in an attempt tries to help you wipe away most of the paint. to both his and your dismay, it only worsens the stain, seeping further into the material of your skirt. “ah— i’m so sorry y/n!”

“it’s o-okay,” you chuckle nervously.

shota rummages through his bag to find his handkerchief and leaves quietly as the two of you hastily tend to the paint on your skirt. he runs the cloth under water, ringing it out to a damp level, and returns to the corner of the classroom. he kneels next to you, dabbing at the stain. a dark, wet spot accumulates on your skirt and shota uses a dry paper towel to blot the water the best that he can.

it works, just a tiny bit, better than what riki could come up with and erased most of the disaster. “oh my god, thanks sho-chan.” you sigh in relief. hopefully the washing machine back home can take care of the rest.

shota nods and smiles softly to himself knowing that he was of help… unlike some people.

jongseob

it’s lunchtime when jongseob visits your class. you’re sitting next to the window at your desk eating the food your mom packed while listening to seventeen’s discography. jongseob taps your shoulder, startling you in the process of doing so and you flinch ever so slightly. the red head smiles with a mischievous grin at your reaction.

you roll your eyes and pull out the right side of your earbuds. “what’s up? did you eat already?”

jongseob tugs the chair nearest to him in arm’s length and drags it next to your side, making himself comfortable on the stiff wooden seat. “yup, already ate lunch for the day.” you nod, signaling that you were listening and continue to eat.

the all-too-familiar intro to rock with you begins playing. tempted by the catchy melody of the song you subconsciously hum to yourself while bobbing your head along to the beat.

“whacha listening to?” jongseob reaches for your phone and you almost scream at him not to when his hand comes into view. he looks at you confused when you snatch it away from him. “why can’t i see?” he pouts.

you shake your head furiously, cheeks filled with rice as you furrow your eyebrows. you swallow the food stored in your mouth and reply to jongseob’s question with a dry answer. “because,”

“because what? you got something embarrassing on there?”

you try to mask the guilt on your face to his question. it’s not that it’s embarrassing per se, but you rather not have someone other than you to look at your phone. specifically your lockscreen. a picture of your bias to be precise. a picture that may or not have been edited that you photoshopped yourself into to make it look like you were in the photo with said bias.

“i bet it’s not that bad—“ jongseob extends his arm to grab your phone. when you attempt to hold him back your pair of chopsticks go flying onto the ground, clattering due to the metal material, and you’re practically scrambling to pick up your utensils. by the time you slide back into your seat with fuming cheeks you look to jongseob for a reaction.

his expression is unreadable that it spikes your anxiety. what could he be possibly thinking?

the red head snickers and you turn to him with a quirked eyebrow. “what? what is it?”

“nothing,” jongseob sets your phone back in its previous spot and lets out a bitter laugh. “i just think we could recreate that picture much better than your silly little edit.”

[ratbutmakeitfyodor]

I know how many of byler shippers are annoyed that will's crush and basicaly every conversation he had with mike (where he was kinda lying because he was talking abt himself) made mike and el got back together. Look i get it im annoyed too. But its not bc i think that will having crush on mike is a bad scenario choise or the way they made him handle the situation is bad. No i think that wills character is one of the best of them all. S4 made me fall in love with him.

Steves crush on nancy is forced and unrealistic as well as nancys idk supposed feelings for him? Guys its the biggest bullshit ive ever seen. Nancys and johnatans fight is also very random created only to give some place for stancy. Im sorry but i didnt care much about jopper this season this ship was kinda cute in s1 and s2 (a little) but later on it was just jeah they'll end up together at some point and i dont care its ok. I also dislike hopper a bit - his anger outbrusts are too much for me despite his huge heart and stuff. Dustin and susie - i dont care. Dustin is amazing suzie is a boring character used only whan theyre having trouble. Max and lucas - they are nice s4 made me like max more and this scene in hounted house was awesome and cute. But they are lacking the tension bc we know somewhere in back of our heads that they'll end up together and drama is needed to build up both of their characters and it works (not like this s3 painfull drama to teach mike a lesson about beeing posesive - i didint learn much abt max and lucas then)

I think that finally will's character is treated seriously in s4. In s1 and s2 he was just in danger and everyone tried to save him. In s3 he had some place to be annoyed and sad but again all of his problems vanished as soon as they found out about mind flayer. In s4 noah shnapp is doing AMAZING job making will constantly on werge of crying (and it somehow isnt too much which dropped my mouth on the floor. Dont underestimate that! Usually characters that cry everytime theyre having a convo with anyone are annoying and you just wish they shut up but not will)

If we look at all those small details and clues the show kept giving us about wills sexuality (like people bulling him and laughing at him in s1 calling him homophobic slurs, him looking at mike before dancing with a girl on a snow ball in s2, mike saying is not his fault that will doesnt like girls in s3, that weird ass feet flirt? (gross) and wills presentation about alan truing in s4 for example) it gives us a good amount of reasons that it isnt just a part of his character like it was with robin in s3. The coming out scene wasnt like a confirmation of some obvious clues or shit. Her character wasnt about beeing gay it was about beeing a person and beeing gay. Which is huge difference. As a fan of casual representation i was very satified with steves and robins thread in s3 because i already loved them before the coming out scene (and its also a reason why im disapointed with it in s4 because they threw away the importance of their friendship and focused on romance instead which has been done wery poorly) But will also isnt just gay. He's a very confused child focusing on figuring out who he is. Its more like a heartstopper kind of storyline but he has no one to talk about it no one to support him like openly without just guessing what he is going throught. He doesnt have 'am i gay quiz' or any kind of people like him he can talk to. Instead he has a crush on an absolute asshole (I will get to that soon) and mindset of puting others before him. So it shouldnt be a surprise that he does everything he can to support and help mike. And look at him HE CRIES ALMOST EVERY TIME the emotions inside are taking him over. The problem isnt the plot isnt the crush isnt will's character its mike

What in the fucks sake happend to him over the seasons? In s1 and 2 i belived that he is nice he is caring that he is a heart of a group. He was a GOOD FRIEND. But now show has to desperately remind us about all this stuff because he himself isnt. Since s3 he is just revolving around el. All the time no place for anyone else there. Well maybe they are buliding up like a sudden realisation scene where mike will realise what this relationship was doing with him or something. But guess what HE WON'T why? BECAUSE HE IS UNABLE TO FIGURE OUT HIS FLAWS HIMSELF or read basic signals from his friends that he's hurting them. So maybe in s5 someone (probably Will) will have to put some sences into that oblivious mind of his (i hope will will be yellig) and honestly that is the only rational reason i can see for watering down his character this much (rational where its not just a poor writing) i hope it will happen i would enjoy it i would forgive using wills feelings for ending mikes and els fight. But if nothing like this happens mileven is doing perfectly 'fine' as always will is coming out but it has no impact on anything than im throwing that show away other threads arent enough to make me invest in it as much as this one is (im not saying that i need byler to come true what i need is a logical explanation on why mike is such an asshole and REAL character development this time) Every time show is fucusing on mikes flaws (its always just one flaw - like mike beeing possesive or not caring about will at all) other characters confront him making him realise what he was doing wrong he apologises and everything is fine again exept its not. Because he fixes this one single flaw they were taking about every other out there is left untouched. He doesnt grow as a person (one good thing about him - he doesnt make same mistake twice) actually hes beeing even a bigger asshole. So theres no surprise for me that all he takes from wills advices are ways to make up with el bc thats all he is focusing on. He doesnt look at bigger picture of situation - at wills emotions at ways his voice sounds like at reasons why he took that painting for that trip or why he painted him in that contects in the first place.

I dont know what elese to write to clarify my point (i hope its somehow understandable) I am a huge byler shipper but as i said it doesnt even have to be canon for me because if it was with mike left the way he is it could be even more painfull for will. What im really hoping for in s5 is explainging mikes horrible begaviour and fixing it for real this time (this scenario in case they made him this bad on pourpose) or fixing his character generaly (in case it was accidental) and a satisfing wills coming out scene. I cant specify exactly what im expecting but im counting it will be as good as robins

[theggning]

I'd love to hear some of your thoughts on Curie, if you have any.

Sure thing! Apologies in advance if I get any of this wrong, I don't personally hang out much with Curie so I had to do a bit of brushing up on her.

Curie's key role in the meta is another facet of the theme of "what makes a person a person." She single-handedly displays the differences between robots and synths and through her we get a lot of what we know about the nature of synths and how it feels for her to become one.

But before Curie becomes a synth, she's another example of a rather unique robot. She starts off quite sophisticated and unusually intelligent-- though unlike Codsworth, her unique personality and knowledge were programmed into her, not developed over time. The Vault 81 scientists loaded into her all of the great academic works they had on hand (she lists Kant, Einstein, Born, Darwin, Curie, Faraday, Turing, and Braun) along with her initial capabilities as a medic and a doctor. Also unlike Codsworth, she hasn't become accustomed to the wasteland, nor traumatized by it-- nor does she even have the capability. Curie has spent the past 210 years trapped in the secret section of Vault 81, and since the deaths of the scientists, she has been completely isolated from human contact. Thus, she is incredibly booksmart, while being... quite unprepared for the horrors that greet her in the wasteland outside.

My favorite description I've ever seen of Curie is "a doctor coming to the slow, horrified realization that nobody washes their hands." She has a picture of the world in her mind that's dictated by science, math, logic, reason, and ethics-- and as a still, quite basic robot, she's baffled when reality doesn't match up to this. Just like Sole, she emerges in a world that resembles what she knows and yet is completely strange and oftentimes very hostile-- she's just doing this with the capabilities of a robot reconciling observations against what was literally programmed into her.

I think there's a fandom tendency to infantilize Curie to some degree, or to play up her naivety to the point of farce. But Curie isn't clueless, or stupid. In addition to her scientific knowledge, she has a very firm set of morals and ethics and will speak up or push back if she feels the Sole Survivor is behaving poorly. She is one of the "good" companions who approves of kind acts, and she is a pacifist, if she can help it. She's philanthropic, but also more scientifically-minded than the other "good" companions-- notably, her approvals all lean in favor of helping scientists and supporting the advancement of knowledge. She supports the Minutemen and the Railroad-- but also the Brotherhood of Steel, since their knowledge and preservation of technology strike her as more important than their feelings on synths. She is pro-synth and disapproves of the enslavement or mistreatment of synths, but when the Institute is destroyed, she chiefly expresses sorrow for how much knowledge was lost. She disapproves of Dr. Chambers' cruelty, but dislikes it if you kill her-- cutting short any contributions to science she could have made. Curie is kind, but she's also ambitious, logical, and values "big picture" scientific advancement.

Really, if there was any companion besides X6-88 who could fit an Institute mindset, it's Curie. She has more compassion for people than anyone in the Institute does, but it's interesting to compare her logical, pragmatic beliefs to the faction that has taken them and twisted them to evil purposes. (Am I saying that Curie would make a terrifying villain if she were to slip too far down that road of logic and pragmatism? Maybe I am...)

This pragmatism extends to her desires to become a synth. Curie comes up with the idea mainly because she feels her scientific ambitions cannot be reached unless she feels inspiration, which she's not capable of as a robot. She insists that her new body will allow her to do good for humanity, and to her, this justifies any ethical problems around transferring her into the braindead G5-19 (Curie doesn't understand Glory's hesitation to let her friend's body be used in this way-- because as a robot, she's literally incapable of empathizing with her.) It's only after Curie opens her eyes in her new body that we understand what a stark difference it is, and how many new and frightening things she's feeling for the first time-- emotions, wayward thoughts, urges to breathe and eat and sleep-- hell, fear is a new concept for her. Her robotic brain worked in numbers and data and programming, and all of a sudden she's capable of all these other things that could never be replicated by data. Curie's transition clearly illustrates the difference between a robotic brain and a synth brain- a human brain, for all intents and purposes.

(I've always thought it takes a special kind of dingus to travel with and befriend and even romance Curie and yet still proclaim that synths are "just machines." You'll see PLENTY of them, but boy oh boy, that's quite a load of cognitive dissonance going on there. Or creep, depending on the argument.)

Which leads me to one of the hot-button topics when it comes to Curie: the romance. While Curie's romance does fall under the umbrella of the "Born Sexy Yesterday" trope, I think this aspect of it is a bit overblown. Like I said, there's a real tendency in fandom to infantilize Curie, or make her seem more clueless pwecious uwu cinnamon roll than she really is. But the difference between Curie and most of your standard issue Born Sexy Yesterday waifs is that Curie isn't helpless, nor childlike, nor incapable of standing up for herself. She's both extremely intelligent and fully confident in her morals and beliefs. She asks for the Sole Survivor's support with her emotional transition because she already trusts them as her friend, not because she has no one else or can't handle it on her own. From early on in her affinity convos, Curie expresses attraction to the Sole Survivor, and approaches learning about these new feelings with the same enthusiasm and curiosity that she does everything else. It's her attraction, not begun by the Sole Survivor manipulating her or tricking her into it. I feel like a lot of surface-level descriptions of the romance disregard Curie's agency, as though she's a bubble-headed innocent who's completely vulnerable and clueless about the mere prospects of attraction, romance, or sex.

Now, that said... did Curie have to transfer into the body of a conventionally attractive woman for her plot to work? No. Does her romance scratch the itch for people who like Born Sexy Yesterday? Yeah, probably. Is she designed to be Prime Waifu Material*? Undoubtedly. Is it my cup of tea? Nah. But different strokes for different folks**. I don't think Curie's romance is inherently bad or anyone should feel bad for enjoying it, or her as a character. She's extremely intelligent, cute, and wholesome, and if that's your type, then embrace her!

* Like oh my god, this is video games, Curie's entire character and romance could have been done so much worse.

** And seriously, I'm not about to judge someone for falling in love with the cute waifu-bait romance when I'm over here lusting over Strong Flawed Sad Tragic Himbo Whom I Can Save With My Love.

It ain't like they didn't cater to my tastes, too.

[chalkrevelations]

So, Word of Honor Ep 23, and LISTEN. This is going to be another long one. We are in it, now.

(Clearly, spoilers, so if you’re thinking you might want to start watching and don’t want to know everything up front, scroll away and come back after you watch the ep.)

Look, I’m just gonna talk about this first because I can’t even process anything else, or function, until I get this out of the way: I came for the bl and the pretty boys, but at this point, I have to reiterate what I said after Ep 22, that I am so grateful Zhou Ye got her fingers into Gu Xiang and absolutely refused to let go of this role, through everything. She’s going on my actors-to-follow list, and I’ll also be following scriptwriter Xiao Chu into whatever she writes from now on. A little bit, I’ve come out of Ep 23 thinking, did anything else even happen, other than That Scene with A-Xiang and Wen Kexing? (Oh, yeah, That Other Scene with Wen Kexing and Cao Weining about Gu Xiang.) The show is going to have to work to top That Scene for me. The first time watching, I couldn’t even really focus on how the Gu Xiang/Cao Weining and Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu relationships continue to reflect each other and how everything A-Xiang expresses during this conversation is exactly what Wen Kexing feels/fears about himself but cannot say out loud. All of that was there, and I mentally picked through it and unpacked it some more on a re-watch of the scene, but the first time through, I was too busy being legit distressed about Gu Xiang’s fear and pain and how desperately she wants this new thing and how afraid she is, not only of fucking it up or having it fucked up for her, but of getting it. Last night at dinner I compared this storyline to a kind of reverse Persephone story, where she’s being pulled by her lover OUT of the land of death, but is nevertheless having to leave behind everything and everyone she knows and is familiar with, including her beloved brother/parent figure. And all this after being told for essentially her whole life that what she’s doing is forbidden and unworkable, that the human world and the world of Ghost Valley do not mix. (We just saw Wen Kexing have his own little mental stall over this, just so the show can make sure we don’t forget.) And Gu Xiang is so unprepared for all of this and so terrified by it, despite the fact she wants it so badly, that she literally cannot do anything - this shining, clever, fierce girl who will stab you if you look at her the wrong way because she’s been taught to survive above all else - she can’t do anything other than sit down with her arms wrapped around her knees pulled to her chest so that she’s the smallest target possible, protecting all the tenderest, most vulnerable places, and weep. Y’all, it is killing me even thinking about it. I might have to take a minute.

So, then they come at me with the second hit of the one-two punch, which is the scene between Wen Kexing and Cao Weining, where Wen Kexing talks about how this little girl not only saved him, but he calls her meimei, and at that point, I’m done. I’m just. There’s nothing else I need right now from this show. I realize this is supposed to be a story about Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu, and up until now, my ride-or-die has been Zhou Zishu, but whatever. Fine. I WANT TO LIVE HERE AT LI MANOR FOREVER, SHOW, WHY MUST A-XIANG AND CAO-XIONG GO BACK TO HIS SECT? Listen, I think it is a far, far better idea if Cao Weining marries in to Four Seasons Manor, and Gu Xiang’s paternal figure is the ... lol, I almost just called him the Ghost General ... he is who he is, so frankly, I don’t know why he should be so concerned about following social conventions, like having daughters of the house marry out. (I know you think you’re protecting her, Lao Wen, but YOU ARE BREAKING UP THE FAMILY. I need them to stay with the rest of you forever. I need Zhou Zishu to continue to call A-Xiang a “good girl,” because I suspect that hasn’t happened very often in her life, and she needs more of it.) Then, as a last kick in the ribs, once I’m down, the show has WKX tell A-Xiang that she’s not a wild girl because she’s his girl. Thanks, show, I didn’t need my heart for anything like pumping blood to oxygenate my brain or any of my body parts. It’s OK. I can do without it.

Anyway, going back and looking at multiple story-telling levels of all this, there’s the additional issue that during That Scene, A-Xiang is also a proxy for Wen Kexing, saying things that he can’t. (For emotional and psychological reasons within the show, and for practical reasons because they probably wouldn’t pass censorship.) Maybe some things that he can’t even let himself think, at this point. So every time, from here on out, when Zhou Zishu asks Wen Kexing about his past and Wen Kexing momentarily freezes with that trapped look on his face, we can think back to this conversation with A-Xiang and realize that Wen Kexing is terrified by his relationship with Zhou Zishu, despite how desperately he wants this new thing. He is so afraid of fucking it up, but he’s also so afraid of getting it, and he’s so unprepared for it that he literally cannot do anything - this fierce survivor, this ghost king, who will crawl over corpses and skin a guy alive and kill you if you look at him the wrong way because almost (almost) all he’s known is to survive above all else - he cannot do anything except mentally and emotionally curl up so that he’s the smallest target possible, protecting all the tenderest, most vulnerable places. So thanks, show, for what promises to be a repeated exercise of stabbing me in the heart.

Just a little bit more about these scenes: I also think we’re getting at least one, maybe two other foils in the story-telling, which are more about the Wen Kexing-Gu Xiang relationship. Maybe less supported but nevertheless intriguing, I have to wonder if, when he took on that little girl despite (or maybe because of) still being essentially a child himself, Wen Kexing was trying to re-create - even subconsciously - something of the shixiong-shidi relationship he experienced for that brief time with Zhou Zishu as a child. Yes, she saved him by making him keep his heart, because he had this actual nurturing relationship to at least try to model their relationship on. I also think that we’re maybe supposed to be seeing them as a foil to Xie Wang and his AWFUL yifu, who appears to have taken on a kid and turned him into a murder weapon not in any effort to help him survive, but to use him as a tool in his quest for power. Both Wen Kexing and Zhao Jing have produced Poorly Socialized Murder Babies Who Love Them Very Much, but I think Wen Kexing actually had his kid’s best interests at heart, as he understood them, and tried to do the best he could with the extremely broken tool box he had to hand. Also, he loves her back. All that doesn’t mean she’s not fucked up or necessarily any better prepared for the “human” world than Xie Wang, but it may have made the difference between an amoral murder baby who can learn better and an actual sociopath.

In other comparisons, that first convo of the ep between Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing - when ZZS says that he doesn’t want to see more sins on WKX’s hands - is essentially the same convo that Cao Weining had with Gu Xiang in the previous ep, when he tells her that he wants her to be more careful because he knows she actually will feel bad for killing innocent people. This is the same conversation because these two relationships are the same relationship. (Note, I don’t think they started out like this, or that their beginnings were all that similar. Cao Weining was much more of a pursuer and initiator than Zhou Zishu was, in the beginning. But I think the courses of the two relationships have converged, at this point, with Cao Weining and Zhou Zishu knowing what they want and being all in, while Gu Xiang and Wen Kexing also want it but are too fucking scared of it for practically the same reasons.)

Meanwhile, speaking of Xie Wang - what are you up to Xie’er? Do you want the Water of Lethe so you can drink it and get over your awful yifu? Are you finally at the point that you’re doing some critical thinking about this relationship? Or do you want the Water of Lethe so you can slip it to your awful yifu, so that he’ll forget about his obsessions with power that prevent him from focusing on YOU? You call Beauty Ghost an idiot, but I think you may be empathizing (though not sympathizing) a bit much with the women of the Department of the Unfaithful.

Finally, that brief little moment of Zhou Zishu’s face when Wen Kexing spits out his wine after stealing it from him ... Oh, god. You didn’t realize how bad it tasted, did you? Your sense of taste is going.

[ihatebnha]

Ok but on the topic of fic genres, I’d have to say yes, I mostly don’t like enemies to lovers. I guess mostly because I just can’t handle angst?? I’d much rather see friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, or just anything that doesn’t involve angst, most nights I’d rather go my day without even seeing angst. And it gets sort of hard with feeling this way when I see all of this sort of angst and noncon and like I know people have preferences and they want to indulge in them which I hope they enjoy because it’s content they like!! But at the same time seeing just one genre dominate the rest is really tiresome to me, it’s hard trying to find fluff or anything like that with so much of the trope enemies to lovers popping up everywhere. It might just be me and my personal feelings on the matter but I much prefer sitting on a park bench in the rain with my fav holding their hand and laughing than having gut wrenching angst make me just deflate. But my heart goes to those who write that angst and the rare good ETL trope because they work hard on it and I’m glad their work gets to be shared [although sometimes the amount of reblogs is disappointing, but that’s a topic for another day]

….ok this was longer than i thought it would be

LOOOL no worries (me too, smh) <333

honestly, even though it's not the highlight of your words, i think you said it pretty well with "rare good ETL (enemies to lovers, for those new to the convo) trope..." because i would say execution is actually one of its main problems.

no hate to ANYONE of course, but so much of ETL is just like... super aggressive fighting and arguing, which is part of it, yes... but can also be done SO poorly to the point where it leads to everything else sorta falling apart, too.

and i think that's where enjoyment gets affected, as you talk about... because when i (we) look for romance, i want it to be romancey! not angsty!!!

...so when it takes too long to get there, isn't properly fleshed out, the fighting is too harsh or doesn't make sense (which is a problem i often see with bakugo, i'd say, along with weird depictions of him, just in general)... it's SO easy to dislike the story, and why the rare, good ETL shine so brightly.

but idk! it's a complex issue outside of that too because i'd say that like... taste is just apart of it, just like how you talk about how you'd rather read something sweet... so it's a combo of both, you know?

but anyway. you really captured it all here LOL <3

(and i just want to clarify, like... i would say dark content such as noncon is separate from ETL because it exists for different purposes, like, for ex. catharsis... so in this situation, it doesn't apply the same ALTHOUGH i do know what you mean about being able to handle it/liking it)

kisses!!!

[praphit]

A message from Reverend Candyman

Before I even entered the theater, I was mad. I was mad due to certain people on social media stating that this film is "too woke", "super-woke", "BLM propaganda", etc, etc.

I'm not saying that they're right or wrong, at this point, but how did those people not know what they were getting into? Did they not watch any "Candyman" films before this? Do they not know of Jordan Peele's previous film productions? Have they never seen any of Key & Peele? It's mostly race stuff!

Some of them were probably only hate-watching. There a re a handful of pundits I like to hate-watch. Sometimes, getting heated by their takes fuels my work days. But, I know what I’m doing to myself... *smh* but these people.

I didn't stay mad for long though, because Nia DaCosta, the director of "Candyman", is on point! This whole movie, strictly from a cinematic view, is very cool. How bout that?? "The Rambling Praphit says Candyman is VERY COOL." :) She'll be working on the next Capt Marvel movie. 

Most people did not like that movie (I'm excluded from that crowd). Marvel is so scared of the public's dislike of that movie, that they're not even calling it "Capt Marvel 2". It's just called "The Marvels"; leaving the first movie's "captain" as far away from the title as they could. I bring this up, cuz after watching "Candyman", I have high hopes for "The Marvels".

In the trailer we see some shadow puppet type action going on to tell Candyman's story.

So, if you haven't seen the 1992 film, you can get mostly caught up. A creative way to knock out exposition.

They still didn't get into why Candyman rocks a pimpish coat. Or why he's called "Candyman". I mean... they address the name, kinda... (Razor blades in candy - also seen in the trailer) but there's a bit of a hole in the timeline of that story. Plus, how would Candyman (a vengeful spirit) even have the time or patience required to put razor blades in hard candy? If he were an actual pimp named "Candyman", it would make more sense... but anyway...

The main character (Anthony, played by Yahya Adbul Mateen II) 

needed more of Candyman's story , so he went into the depths to find more horror, and he found it. Now, there's a white woman, who's the main character in the 1992 version, who does the same thing, and... let's just say things end poorly for her, and Anthony is foolishly following in her footsteps.

He's a broke visual artist, but thankfully he's got himself a suga mama (played by Teyonah Parris) , 

a not-so-broke art gallery director named Brianna. Lesson number one, you broke artists - gym membership. 

Follow the path of Yahya. He’s the only hard candy mama needs! Keep that suga mama money coming to fuel your art.

I appreciate this couple though - a lot of times (in movies) we see black couples where the woman is struggling to feed the kids with like 3 or 4 jobs, while the man juggles cheating on her, being involved with drugs, and dreaming of one day being the greatest rapper there ever was. We've been there and done that with black movie couples enough.

But, Candyman can't allow this couple to be too happy, so the killing begins!

Say his name 5 times! He dares you! After the fifth time, he appears to brutally kill you. What kind of game is that? I could see if it was a 50/50 chance - win some money or die, but straight up 100% death? Who would play such a game?? 

"Let's go to the top of a snowy, slippery mountain. Let's slide down it with crazy speed and immovable objects in our way." Who’s game?

(white people)

"Let's take a detour through the woods, at night, right pass the area where those teenagers were murdered, LAST NIGHT... I don't think they ever caught the perp. Oh, well... let's go!" Who’s going?

(white people)

So, who will play the candyman name game? - white people, of course :)

I heard someone say that Candyman is only killing white people. That’s not true #1, but #2 - they’re the ones mostly playing this game.

No, this isn't just some movie about a black, pimpish, man with a hook, killing white people. We've got story as well.

Three parts to this story, actually:

The look -

Which I mentioned is great! The gruesome horror elements and the killings are well done. In fact, the kill scenes are so good that I wanted to see more of it. A lot of the kills effectiveness come from NOT showing you the gore. There's plenty gore as well, but the balance of times when you have to imagine what's happening as people scream is also dope.

The horror part to the film is kinda slowed down though by the social commentary. part to the film: The 1992 film has this as well, but it's more subtle, and flows with the story better. This... well, I can see why some hyper-sensitive conservatives might cry "wokeism!" I disagree with their sentiment, but I get it. If this movie had come out before 2020, perhaps the feeling would be different. There's a scene that's directly addressing gentrification. It's a group of four people (three black people and a white dude) talking. The movie shows how the seemingly enlightened and likable white dude was involved in the convo, but still didn't really get it. Perhaps that's how they see a lot of their audience with this, cuz there's no subtlety going on here at all. It's more of an "F U" at times. It's effective hate-watching though.

Lastly there's the psychological part to the movie. Something has clearly gone wrong inside of Anthony, and no one seems to be taking it all that seriously.

Something is also wrong outside of Anthony as well.... as seen in the trailer, he gets stung by a bee. One of those Candyman Bees! (Not a thing, but it should be) It's... maybe... infected (they never really explain), and gets worse and worse. Why doesn't anyone demand that he go to the doctor?! Not even his suga mama says anything! You know damn well, that no matter how sexy one may be, if you've got some sort of creepy Candyman infection, that's gonna mess up that sexy-suga-money flow, y'all feel me?? And if there is some sort of ghostly infection, shouldn't we be more scared of the bees than even Candyman? He only appears when you say his name! The bees on the other hand...

I guess it's kinda real though - I could certainly see people these days getting "the candyman infection" I speak of, and saying proudly "It's not real! And I will NOT be treated!" while waving a flag, with their clearly infected hand.

These three parts collide, sloppily. It's funny, cuz the film, as I said, is heavy-handed with hot topics, but the story (particular in the third act) will confuse you. I mean, I get it, cuz I saw the original film, but had I not... ??? There's a scene when Candyman is summoned and he proceeds to kill a bunch of cops. THEY didn't even summon him! They said “Defund the Police” not kill’em!  Idk if Candyman had been listening to nothing but Louis Farrakhan and Marvel’s Kilmonger nonstop during 2020, and it's all spilling over or what?? Some people are overachievers. Then he says "Spread my message" What message is that?!

Imagine if you say my name 5 times, and I appear in your kitchen, drink all of your beer, walking into your living room, and pee in the corner... then I say to you, before disappearing "Spread my Message".

You'd be like "What the hell?"

Despite this movies' flaws, I still enjoyed it. The social commentary really is important to the times we're living in, and should still be discussed, and not just discussed, by acted on. Plus, I truly am impressed by director Nia DaCosta. I do recommend that you see it, but you should probably watch the 1992 one first. Or who knows what message you'll leave with :)

Grade: generous B-

I doubt that there'll be a sequel, but if there is one, i really do hope that we can finally get to the bottom of this name thing. With Candyman, I'm still thinking drug dealer. It's not that scary of a name. Maybe CandyHOOK! Hooks wielded by maniacs are always scary.

No? Yeah, it does make me think his hook is made out of candy.

With the bees involved, perhaps "Bee Guy", or "Bee King", but... they're not really his thing. Plus, that's lame, and kinda sounds like he's buddies with Ant-Man. That could hurt his street cred. The 1992 film gets into a honey type of scenario as to the etymology. But, then, it should be "Honey Man", right? - that sounds kinda like a gigolo though. But, perhaps this is a good thing! That gives me an idea that could add some surprise to this whole name game thang! Call his name 5 times and either receive drugs, murder, a confusing sermon, or sweet, sweet lovin. Now, that's a game!

[atinybitofau]

S A N ⇾ office au

THE TYPICAL BOSS AND ASSISTANT LOVE STORY

      a/n: my god this took so loooonggggggg. hope ya’ll ready for this omg. sorry guys, reposted for the cut. 

.

• was it wrong for you to drool over your hot as fuck boss?

• absolutely not.

• not when every other single woman in the company does it.

• you also hate that one of these women managed to snag your position as his assistant the moment he upheld his promise to you.

• in becoming marketing director.

• the days seeing him going by so long, you actually think you’re getting withdrawals.

• “Well well well, look what the cat dragged in.”

• you sneer at Seonghwa when he enters the lounge room.

• a room made by your boss himself.

• who’d rather spoil his employees,

• than have them hate him.

• but you still kind of do.

• “Seonghwa, don’t you have- I don’t know. A company to run?”

• the man loosens his tie and joins you at the love seat. “San invited me to talk numbers, babe. Don’t act like you aren’t happy to see me.”

• you roll your eyes. “I’m clearly ecstatic.”

• Seonghwa chuckles at your response and let’s you leisure for a little in your thoughts.

• see Seonghwa was kind of different from San.

• in a sense that,

• he belittled a lot of his workers.

• to make clear his intentions at work.

• as a deserving entrepreneur.

• also one who was locked down with a ring.

• married to your best friend of course.

• “Hyemi tells me you’re tired of work.”

• you laugh in a half hearted way. “Wonder why she says that.”

• little bitch always has to rat you out.

• “Now I might be wrong but she made it seem like you hate San more than you used to. At least, considering you didn’t hate him at all. In fact, I remember you were head over heels for him. Just doting every check in your crush book.”

• you glare at Seonghwa. “See. That’s why I refused to make a speech at your wedding. You two are out to get me.”

• “Forgive me.” he chuckles at your defense. “But you know the teasing can’t be helped with you. You always find a way to fierce an insult back.”

• “Obviously if you aren’t offended by them, they aren’t insults.”

• “Honestly y/n. Lighten up. You can tell me what you’ve been stressing about too you know.”

• stressing?

• what’s really been stressing you?

• like watching the notorious playboy crush of yours get all touchy touchy with your replacement?

• or the work he forgets to bring you sometimes.

• like,

• did you really not make an impact in his life?

• were you really just one of those single women he knew liked him?

• now that’s a stress.

• “So? What is it?”

• you turn to Seonghwa eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide in curiousness. “Call me crazy but I think I miss being San’s reputationless assistant.”

• Seonghwa snorts. “You can’t be serious.”

• “I’m 100 percent serious, Hwa. Before you got married to Hyemi, I was so happy with pairing you two together, you know? Cause she’s a diamond in the rough. She stands out.”

• “Your point is?”

• “Do I not stand out?”

• “Y/n…”

• Seonghwa realizes,

• not sure why you hadn’t,

• that you were in love with San.

• that it wasn’t just a menial office crush anymore.

• “Wouldn’t being his marketing director be more of an upgrade? You shouldn’t be looking at his assistant with those kind of eyes. You deserve your position. Regardless of San’s um lack thereof…”

• you two speak like he wouldn’t be able to hear you.

• as if his building isn’t hooked up to audio perceptive cameras.

• as if he wasn’t listening to the entire conversation.

• whoops.

• he was.

• “Jane? Get me y/n. And tell her it’s urgent.”

• San saw you as you were.

• a gorgeous and independent woman.

• who deserved the promotion he had given you.

• a woman who appealed to every check mark in his own book.

• dotting out the possibilities.

• even the one he’d refuse anyday.

• the possibility to settle down that is.

• “You wanted to see me, Mr. Choi?”

• you walk in and your voice is as velvet as ever.

• your outfit a reflection of the woman you really are.

• only of his dreams.

• “Yes please take a seat. There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.”

• you were nervous.

• he’s never called out to you before.

• “Did I do something wrong, sir?”

• “No.” he smiles innocently at you hands folded over his desk. “Actually, I need a favor.”

• you have enough favors you had agreed to commit too.

• a tower of paperwork on your desk.

• “O-okay. Sure.”

• “I need you to accompany me to Beijing this weekend.”

• you deadpan. “Sir?”

• he lightly chuckles,

• staring like an idiot because he missed seeing you as often as he used to.

• “My partners in discussion are spending the weekend there on a retreat. It’s a canny way for us business exec’s to make our bite. As marketing director, I’m sure you know how important that is.”

• course it was…

• just,

• “Shouldn’t your assistant be accompanying you?”

• “Yes. But I would like you to come along. After all, Seonghwa’s already half bitten by you anyway.”

• Seonghwa’s excited about it.

• your best friend having the decency of telling him your plans of joining her husband’s retreat on Saturday.

• but you weren’t.

• weren’t because you were now forced to watch San flirt with his assistant.

• all the way to China.

• “One dry martini please. You know what, make it three.”

• you face plant the counter as you let exhaustion take over.

• the sight of watching your long time crush flirt with another woman not sitting as easy as alcohol would.

• “Well well well look who we have here.”

• you mentally note to murder your best friend’s husband the next time things are on your side.

• whipping around with a vicious glare you say, “Seonghwa would you leave me the fuck alone?”

• your anger falters when you see your smirking boss beside him,

• wearing causal clothes and blatant amusement.

• “Now that’s no way you should speak to your higher ups, y/n. You know better.”

• you narrow a secret glare to the devil himself before bowing to San in apology.

• “Please excuse my language. It’s the only language Seonghwa understands unfortunately. That and I’m off the clock so I’m just gonna-“

• you stand up to find another spot at the empty bar until San justs you in.

• “No, y/n. Please stay. You should join two old friends. We sometimes have nothing to talk about and I’m sure you’ve got plenty of topics.”

• plenty, Seonghwa mouths to you.

• when San turns around you show him a finger of disapproval.

• and a side glare of disgust.

• “Your dry martini, Miss.”

• “Please add it to my tab.” San slips his card to the bartender smoothly. like he’s done it a hundred times before. “I’ll pay for her drinks from here on.”

• “S-San, you don’t need to do that.”

• “San?”

• Seonghwa’s smirking.

• thinking his wife was right.

• that you always seem to find a way to do other people’s work for them.

• “Oh crap, I MEAN— shit. No wait.”

• San chuckles at the fluster and you chug down your drink.

• hoping this all fades away to obscurity tomorrow.

• “First topic.” Seonghwa starts after sipping his whiskey. “We should praise y/n for everything she’s done. I mean, with everything on her plate I’m sure joining us today was a set back.”

• you prick your teeth in annoyance.

• praying Seonghwa would take a god damn hint once in a while.

• “She’s always been more leisure than business to me.” San admits. “Thank you for coming, y/n. I really appreciate it.”

• you forget that you’re a light weight.

• already chugging three martini’s.

• dry.

• “You should really thank your assistant. After all without her, you wouldn’t be here really.”

• both men choke on their drinks.

• shocked by your brutal remark.

• “Excuse me?”

• “I mean, really.” you turn in your chair and hiccup. “Your assistant’s got everything. Your work load, your time schedule, your attention. If not for her, you wouldn’t be this successful.”

• San’s jaw clenches.

• and Seonghwa’s sitting there completely amused.

• teeth showing in awe.

• “Please continue.”

• “Hyung, she’s drunk.”

• Oh, Seonghwa and you both know you really aren’t.

• but he’ll go with it anyway.

• “Listen for once, San. She’s not just an employee of yours, you know.”

• their secret convo is interrupted with your not-so-drunk continuation.

• “L-like. She’s even got the looks! Gets your things ready and of course you’ll give her what she deserves. All those subtle compliments about her skirt that practically rides up her ass.”

• he doesn’t exactly know how to react.

• but he hears you out.

• “And come on, Mr. Choi. You aren’t fooling anybody. We all know what you really need an assistant for.”

• Seonghwa snickers.

• loving this more than he should right now.

• “And what’s that, ms. y/l/n?”

• you grab your bag to leave.

• “You should ask your assistant. Since you couldn’t stop praising almost every little thing about the crap job she does.”

• San stands to chase after you but Seonghwa holds him down.

• “Fucking hell, hyung. Let me go and tell that little—“

• “You know y/n’s in love with you right?”

• he stops.

• staring at his old friend in disbelief.

• “Yeah? Well it doesn’t fucking sound like it.”

• “Cycle back on what she said about you, dumbass. Now think. Was she really ridiculing your lifestyle? Or was she really just trying to get your bloody attention you fool.”

• San sprints.

• not wanting to justify himself this time around.

• but wanting to confess.

• he wants to tell you that you aren’t what you think you just are—

• his old assistant he wanted to replace.

• God no.

• he’s been wanting you back at your desk since the day he signed your new contract.

• that you were once a good friend of his before you stopped.

• not knowing you stopped casually speaking to him because of his new assistant in the first place.

• but he’s been wanting to settle down honestly.

• the chances it be with you sounding pretty damn good after hearing what Seonghwa had to say.

• “Y/n, would you wait!”

• you whip around suddenly not feeling drunk at all,

• martini’s not your best problem solver.

• one that hit strong but settled poorly.

• “You got anything more to add? Maybe that I should be fired for my honesty? Please, Mr. Choi, by all means, if that’s what you’ve been dying to do since day one, you should’ve done that instead of giving me a crap excuse being your marketing director.”

• he’s a little taken aback he must admit.

• thinking you were drunk more than sober enough to argue.

• “Weren’t you drunk just a couple minutes ago?”

• you blink away, swallowing down the last of the intoxication. “Martini’s don’t last too long in my system unfortunately. Just like me to you.”

• he hates the analogy more than he should.

• cause it’s true that you didn’t last long to him.

• though,

• now he’s willing to change his mind.

• he narrows his eyes towering over you like the big executive he is before asking, “If my new assistant bothered you so much, why didn’t you just tell me you wanted your old position back?”

• your heart feels like it’s running in circles.

• racing when unnecessary.

• and falling when when unwanted.

• “Mr. Choi, please correct if I’m wrong, but you intentionally put me as your marketing director because the last one left in terms of finding a better boss. And you replaced me easily after it, sure. And at once, by your side, I thought you had been the smartest man in the game but hell— you really are the dumbest CEO I know.”

• he grimaces before saying, “Were you really drunk just now or were you just trying to get your thoughts across the table without trying to hurt my feelings?”

• there’s fire in his eyes when he asks you.

• feeling torn between hating you and falling more for you than he expected to be.

• there’s a brief silence in you before you retort, “I might have been a little out of my comfort zone drinking those martini’s. But as of right now sir I’m pretty clear on the things I’m saying and the consequences they might have.”

• he’s never once doubted you.

• thought you were a diamond in the rough.

• always stood out.

• always knew how to get his attention.

• right now not being an exception.

• “Then tell me.” he sterns closer to you now that you’re both passed comfort level. “Since you’re so clear on things, what bothers you the most?”

• you stare at him.

• longingly.

• because you’ve spoken to San on more casual occasions than you think.

• more than just a boss in the past,

• this man used to be your friend.

• that though you two were boss and assistant,

• you two fell in love with each other without knowing.

• and here you thought he was just your plain office crush.

• “Maybe..” you pause to make sure you’re completely clear on your thoughts. “Knowing that I was falling for you when you weren’t for me? That.. maybe that’s what bothers me the most.”

• San’s torn again.

• but this time,

• between kissing you and telling you he’s falling for you too.

• “You know better than anyone, y/n, I don’t dwell on fickle romances.”

• your noses touch,

• and you think you can feel his heart beat against your chest.

• “But I stopped knowing you the moment you stopped knowing me.”

• he decides right then to kiss you first.

• wanting things to get cleared before they get past uncomfortable.

• you frown against his kiss.

• thinking it’s half hearted and unimpactful.

• while pushing him away you warn him by saying, “Don’t..”

• and now he feels desperate.

• like the women that pine over for him.

• the way he kind of does for you actually.

• “San, don’t do this because you feel sorry for me.”

• “I’m not.” he almost whines when you reject. “I want.. I want this. Y/n, you aren’t my assistant anymore.”

• you sigh, “I think we’ve made that statement understood by now.”

• “No, you don’t understand. I need you.” he corrects himself hands himself your hips. “My assistant can be many things to me. Helpful at work. Doing the work I should be doing for me too. You know that.”

• your lips taste like the martini’s.

• hoping you are what you say are when you say aren’t drunk.

• so his thoughts go across as clear as you say yours are to you.

• “Where are you going with this, Choi San?”

• “Coordinate me. Out of work.” he insists this time making sure you don’t get away. “No contract necessary. Just… I want you to coordinate me while we date. Pull my strings the way you did at work once before.”

• maybe you are drunk.

• that you’re hallucinating Choi San asking you on a date— multiple.

• “I’m not good at this settling down thing, y/n.” he takes your hands and interlaces it with his. “And you know better than anyone, how to fix my mistakes, don’t you?”

• you’ve always been his favorite.

• despite knowing you were replaced,

• you never did forget that.

• “And what’s my compensation for this look like, Mr. Choi?”

• San sighs in relief.

• also remembering that you were once not only his assistant,

• but the woman he only ever needed.

• “If it lasts long in both our systems, hopefully a ring.”

• now who could pass up that kind of promotion?

.

.

@atinybitofau

[ghostcat3000]

SKAM season 3 talkback series: episode 7, “Er du homo?”

The SKAM season 3 rewatch talkback series was done in conjunction with a first-time watch for a small group of newbies. I talked to a cross-section of fans about each episode so our newbies could get a varied taste of what the SKAM fandom was about.

Talk back with the excellent @etal-late​ (aka etal on AO3)

SKAM 3.7: Er du homo? conducted on 24, November 2019

@ghostcat3000​: Hello, hello, welcome everyone to our very small, very casual chat about SKAM season 3 episode 7, Er du homo? I'd like to welcome the wonderful @etal-late​, who is an excellent writer and amuses me on the regular. I just made myself a cup of tea and am settling into my couch. I planned this very poorly because I forgot that I have to run about five thousand errands for Thanksgiving today. The supermarket is going to be...awful beyond measure. There are pies to be picked up. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

etal: Right, tea is here, I am here. But do you have pies to see to?

Ghostcat: I do, but ignore me.

etal: Let's go hard and then you go and get your pies when you need to except I'm the worst at typing fast.

Ghostcat: Let's start!

etal: Before we begin, may I check something?

Ghostcat: Yes?

etal: Does the fact that I'm here, answering your questions mean...

Ghostcat: ...

etal: That I'm your...

Ghostcat: ...

etal: Episode 7 Guru?

Ghostcat: Where is my “Isak sez fuck it” gif when I need it?

etal: It's ok, we'll take it as read. Anyway, did you have a question?

Ghostcat: Thank you so much for joining us. I would like to kick things off with a question from last week's talk back guest, @delongpaw​: “Who is a better Guru?  Eskild or Jonas?  And why.”

etal: Good question, Delongpaw. Eskild does well in the kitchen convo. He is kind.

Ghostcat: Yes.

etal: But also honest.

Ghostcat: Always kind. From experience, one gathers.

etal: Yes, and I like how he had forgiven Isak for his earlier gaucheness and had moved on.

Ghostcat: SKAM social media game is so strong. Offscreen, we see that Isak reaches out to Eskild to apologize again and to make sure Eskild isn't avoiding being home because of him.

etal: Yep, and they have their little pet name thing.

Ghostcat: It’s one of those nice character touches―Isak is capable of recognizing when he's wrong and makes amends. Eskild is receptive and understands where Isak's coming from.

etal: He and Jonas are different gurus...they can answer different parts of Isak's question.

Ghostcat: They are mom and dad.

etal: Ha ha, yes.

Ghostcat: Jonas is mom. Eskild is dad.

etal: "You're doing fine, son, but that's the way the world is."

Ghostcat: RIGHT. Eskild's advice is practical and comes from his own experience. Whereas Jonas knows Isak and is able to look him in the eye and say I THINK YOU'RE LETTING HIM PLAY YOU because he knows his friend isn't usually so passive.

etal: And deserves better.

Ghostcat: Yes, that too.

etal: I'm interested in how the boys' advice comes from watching how girls deal with their b.s.―like, this is how they boss us. We have observed and learned their ways.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha, meanwhile the girls seriously just want to know what the fuck is going on. So your answer to delongpaw’s question is BOTH, both are important, two sides of a whole.

etal: Yes, that's my answer. Your answer is my answer.

Ghostcat: A beautiful ending to an otherwise hellish week.

etal: I do want to scream about Jonas in this episode though because even after his bench/kebab heroics, he hits some new highs in this one.

Ghostcat: Those are some heroics. Absolutely. Well, now that Isak's let him in, he can act in the function he was meant to―our resident sage.

etal: Actually, back to Eskild for a sec, the first clip is him giving bad advice to Noora to go on tinder.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha, you don't think Noora should be on tinder? Can you imagine that profile?

etal: “Enjoys laundry and despairing because she 'always has to do the right thing." But back to Jonas. The pacing in both the boy scenes is really good, Jonas is doing his watchful thing, Isak is clenched in varying states of tension, and the boys are crashing about.

Ghostcat: Continuing the theme of communication...Isak had texted Jonas to tell him the news was spreading about his "thing" with Even and the topic of telling the boys comes up.

etal: So you're holding your breath waiting for the moment of revelation.

Ghostcat: When we go into this scene, with Magnus beatboxing and generally being...himself, those glances Jonas throws Isak's way are reassuring ones―you can do this. I've got your back. It's gonna be fine.

etal: Trust them (even though it's Magnus…)

Ghostcat: Because after all there's a pre-party at the end.

etal: ...who is hilarious in this one. Straight up.

Ghostcat: Magnus is hilarious. he's so stupid but so recognizable as that friend. the one that's super embarrassing and is always just blurting out the first thing in his head

etal: But genuinely curious. Like, pan or bi, please someone explain.

Ghostcat: While, at times, insensitive. It's never malicious. He genuinely doesn't know things and wants to.

etal: I like the way certain words really trip him up.

Ghostcat: He really gets caught up in them. Pan? Dominatrix? He just repeats them to himself. Like little boys who repeat the word ‘poop’ to themselves, over and over again.

etal: Incidentally, I genuinely had to look up 'excretion' to check if it was A or D.

Ghostcat: I had to ask! And I was told, rightly, that it's Isak's season―he would have the right answer in his subject.

etal: Of course! Do we think it is significant? Is 'separation of waste' a metaphor for getting your shit together? 

Ghostcat: Lol. I do think it's significant. As significant as Isak's subject. Which we'll get into at the end of this season.

etal: :thumbsup_tone2:

Ghostcat: This season is meticulously put together but it doesn't feel labored.

etal: Gosh, that's a big thumb.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha.

etal: Yes, not much is accidental.

Ghostcat: I enjoyed this peek at the deepening relationship between Isak and Sana. You know they're closer even though their interactions are about 100% bickering.

etal: Yes, it's lovely―their compromise: you're wrong, but you go ahead and own your wrong answer.

Ghostcat: Right before he gets that text from Vilde, Isak gives Sana a lovely smile. He's playing around with her.

etal: I'll initial my RIGHT ONE. "Iiiisak"

Ghostcat: “What's your name again?”

etal: He's already feeling lighter.

Ghostcat: And then there's Vilde's text which in typical Vilde fashion is wildly tone deaf. I love gay guys! Like she's going to get a new gay bff out of Isak Valtersen.

etal: :rainbow_flag: :heart:

Ghostcat: (Though my headcanon is that, like everyone else, Isak will eventually become close friends with Vilde.)

etal: Not spoilering, but I've forgotten whether Sana has heard the rumour yet?

Ghostcat: She sees the text and Isak sees that she sees but then class is over and she takes off. The news is spreading, has spread and all thanks it seems to Sonja telling Emma and Emma spreading it to everyone else. Luckily, Isak has told Jonas and then he tells his boys.

etal: Yes, so he has back-up now he's in this awful place of having everyone know, but Even awol...until-

Ghostcat: I'm proud of him though.

etal: Yes.

Ghostcat: There's a sense of Isak having already gone through the worst thing and that wasn't being outed or having everyone know―it was losing Even.

etal: Yep.

Ghostcat: That's a massive realization. That everything else pales in comparison and is manageable. But hope isn't entirely lost despite what Eskild says...because there's always those notes that Even is still leaving Isak and this week's note is an interesting one.

etal: He approaches that locker with such trepidation. What does it have in store for him now.

Ghostcat: His nemesis. Isak x Hell Locker. Slow burn, Enemies to Lovers.

etal: I didn't understand the note at first...

Ghostcat: It's a drawing of Isak's text to Even without an answer and one of the parallel universe where Even does answer and tells him he misses him. Of course, Even is telling him and so, for the first time, it's both worlds at once.

etal: Tok.

Ghostcat: And if that isn't hope. What is?

etal: (Tok is the sound of a spoon tapping an eggshell and making the first tiny crack, the eggshell is my heart) His expression when he looks at that note.

Ghostcat: It's with this interesting development that we go into the pre-party and Isak's sitting there in an echo of the previous pre-party, and wearing the same outfit, I think? Looking like he's in two worlds himself. The one where he's trying to figure out what is up with Even and the one where he really is so fucking done with the pre-party ritual.

etal: Poor fellow.

Ghostcat: But then, the save! Your boy.

etal: JONAS. JONAS.

Ghostcat: Jonas. He looks over at him...

etal: Jonas knows.

Ghostcat: ...and sees it all and asks and him asking brings in the rest of the squad with their questions.

etal: All their many questions.

Ghostcat: Including Magnus's cringe-y gay sex question.

etal: Isak in his new confidence can even deal with Magnus' doofustry.

Ghostcat: To be fair, he already did in the earlier conversation. I don't think anything could take away Isak's need to roast Magnus mercilessly.

etal: Haha, yes.

Ghostcat: But again, Magnus seriously doesn't know shit. I do love that he applies his new knowledge. Is he also...pan?

etal: A searcher after knowledge.

Ghostcat: He wants to know. This scene is so brilliantly done. and it's comedy! Shakespearean comedy! The character who doesn't know what to do and his crew of fools providing solutions (which wind up being pretty good).

etal: Speaking of which...

Ghostcat: Yes?

etal: Although, hang on- First, I enjoy Isak's sudden decisiveness.

Ghostcat: The text?

etal: Blasts that text out. He types faster than me.

Ghostcat: He types it and hits send, no editing.

etal: Phone down.

Ghostcat: I like how he makes fun of Jonas's first draft, like that's a thing I'd say? and Jonas doubles down―something like that but more YOU.

etal: And they're right!

Ghostcat: The text he sends is exactly what Jonas crafts-as-Isak. The response is near-immediate like Even's been staring at his phone.

etal: Yep.

Ghostcat: Jonas really warms to this counselor role.

etal: *Cracks his knuckles* Let's go. Got this.

Ghostcat: Utters the immortal lines: STRAIGHT UP. NO FEELINGS.

etal: Straiddup.

Ghostcat: N O   S M I L E Y.  He looks so annoyed that Isak doesn't get it. No fucking smiley, Isak.

etal: Imagine getting that text.

Ghostcat: Omg.

etal: Stone-cold.

Ghostcat: I know.

etal: Fuck, no smiley...grabs trainers.

Ghostcat: Chiller hjemme. I don't think Even lives near the Kollektiv. That bitch RAN.

etal: I have timed it.

Ghostcat: Or hopped on that fucked up bike of his.

etal: Or counted it out, you know. Fastest boy in Norway.

Ghostcat: I have to admit. They got me. Andem fully played me when the doorbell rang, I didn't actually think it was Even despite it being OBVIOUSLY him.

etal: Lol.

Ghostcat: I don't know why. I think it might have been the quality of the scene after that last text and how there was no answer. They all start talking about something else and kind of settle into the same energy as before.

etal: Brilliantly done, you're feeling so hard for Isak.

Ghostcat: And I fully expected things to end there, with Isak's sad face looking at his phone.

etal: Meanwhile, Even is fully sprinting. Knocking over old ladies.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha.

etal: Sparks coming off his tyres.

Ghostcat: Sliding across the hoods of cars. Bike going all E.T.

etal: Hair flowing in the wind.

Ghostcat: Crossing past a full moon though legit his hair looks great when he shows up but before that...

etal: Oh yes, it does.

Ghostcat: ...Isak has to have that moment of-

etal: Yes? Pain.

Ghostcat: Are you expecting someone? No, you guys are the only friends I have.

etal: Lol, great line.

Ghostcat: It's probably Eskild. He's always leaving his keys (which is brilliant because it's completely plausible).

etal: Eskiiild, says Magnus, helpfully.

Ghostcat: But there's Even. and guys, it's Even and Magnus goes WE'RE GONNA MEET EVEN while Jonas, one step ahead of everyone else, starts grabbing the beers.

etal: Now here I have A Point To Make.

Ghostcat: HIT IT.

etal: Where is Even? Down on the pavement.

Ghostcat: He is buzzing from downstairs. At the front entrance, on the street.

etal: Correct. Where is Isak?

Ghostcat: And Isak is at the balcony.

etal: BALCONY.

Ghostcat: You got it. Even is a lazy hoe. He should have climbed up like a proper Romeo.

etal: This is a Romeo and Juliet moment and that is TRUE. He does climb up.

Ghostcat: It is absolutely a Romeo and Juliet moment.

etal: The stairs. Less romantic, but still.

Ghostcat: It's handy for Isak that his apartment has a separate servant's stairwell/exit. SERVANTS!

etal: Lol, out you go, boys.

Ghostcat: Again, Shakespeare. With Magnus as the classic fool, down to the bursts of song.

etal: Yes, the Montague boys in full swing. I love that moment, it was one of the scenes that made me really love this series. Delightful.

Ghostcat: Moment to acknowledge Isak fully sliding into fury in this scene, his GTFO face is the best―NO, YOU CANNOT MEET EVEN, WHAT THE FUCK. *Angry squirrel face* and Jonas slipping beers into every pocket.

etal: Get out get out,  throwing shoes after them.

Ghostcat: The song from Luhrmann's Romeo +Juliet to underscore the moment. They exit and the music cuts out.

etal: “Local God.” [by Everclear]

Ghostcat: Isak has a moment to gather himself.

etal: (Wise Jonas, they'll need those beers later.)

Ghostcat: (“He feels like a local god when he's with his boys?” something like that...) Knock at the door, he opens it, and there is Even.

etal: Oh oh OH.

Ghostcat: Oh?

etal: Just oh-ing regarding Even generally. The ice-cream swirl of hair at its best. 

Ghostcat: Particularly for someone who just teleported over there. He looks pretty put together, Even is ready to impress.

etal: Breathing a little fast? Not really.

Ghostcat: Just laser beam eyes and an obnoxiously confident hello.

etal: And an eyebrow raise for the gods. THE GODS.

Ghostcat: With a tiny flicker then of insecurity because Isak isn't saying anything, just blinking at him. In soft, soft regard.

etal: So perfect, all in about 5 seconds.

Ghostcat: Well, mostly and then “Mister-you-have-to-play-hard-to-get” Isak Valtersen absolutely does not.

etal: Lol and lol.

Ghostcat: What did you think when you saw this moment for the first time? Where you concerned about this decision to not talk but just act?

etal: "etal is typing"

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha.

etal: So I think...

Ghostcat: I'll post giant gifs of them staring at each other in the meantime.

etal: I was surprised by how fast it went.

Ghostcat: It's very fast but not surprising...

etal: It's the logic of a romantic scene - run, grab, DO IT. And what Isak has earned-

Ghostcat: [post giant gif of Even staring at Isak in that doorway.]

etal: Oh crumbs, hello there, you…

Ghostcat: So Isak has earned this moment?

etal: -what Isak has earned through the episode. It's led up to this and they are done talking, for now. So I guess, I was...not concerned?

Ghostcat: [posts giant gif of Isak blinking back at Even] True, Isak has earned it. But so have we. We've been hanging with this poor kid through this challenging week so his gain is our gain.

etal: Indeed. Kiss the boy please.

Ghostcat: Kiss the boy.

etal: How fast does his top come off though? Pretty fast.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha, apparently there's some behind-the-scenes stuff we'll get to about this. The hat, the shirt, everything goes.

 etal: They are so good at the kissing.

Ghostcat: I like the part where they stop and look at each other for a moment. It might actually be the most romantic moment for me because they do it at the same time, together. A wordless check-in.

etal: Sweet, sweet. You know sometimes men doing passionate kissing can look very rough and like it would hurt? This doesn't.

Ghostcat: It doesn't, it's very intimate without being explicit. Which is one of the things I love about this season. It has a very believable heat without going too far and feeling exploitative of its young actors. I say that as a denizen of the land of going too far, i.e. fanfic.

etal: Heh heh.

Ghostcat: That's where I live. I acknowledge this. There is one more joke of course. Just like in the first episode, a person sinks to their knees in front of Isak and this time, he doesn't stop them. He finally gets that blow job he's been lying about for two seasons.

etal: LOL, go for it Isak. It is the East, and you are the sun.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha. Arise fair sun (for things have certainly arisen).

etal: And are also going down. It's an episode of ups and downs.

Ghostcat: Yes! Much like everything is this season. Highs and lows with humor and tenderness. SO before I leave to go get the pies TWO important things, if I may.

etal:  Yes?

Ghostcat: My questions: One) please share your story of when and how you started watching SKAM. Two) Any final thoughts on this episode that I haven't touched on? SIMPLE QUESTIONS, etal, and then you'll be free of me.

etal: Guru Etal, please.

Ghostcat: (Isak eye roll) Fine. Guru Etal.

etal: OK. For 1. I have something I prepared earlier  (like your pies). This is how I started watching SKAM:

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha How I torment thee.

etal: (Some time later):

My origin story.

Ghostcat: Wheezing

etal: But, seriously, once I had been looking at it on tumblr, watched seasons 1 and 2 and really enjoyed the style, which is so fresh and interesting. I love the way the kids talk, the mix of languages and then series 3 is just beautiful really. I'm a sucker for the R&J references and I love the screen time the boys get to talk and―someone said this on  an earlier chat,  I'm sorry, I forget who it was―to show a side of teenage boys we don't get to see very much in film and tv. I remember talking with you @Ghostcat about how the actors flicker between being really beautiful to a bit scuzzy like real teens...I was properly into it. Watching again, I still get excited by sound of the theme music.

Ghostcat: Beautifully put. Me too. 

etal: Final thoughts on this ep: Jonas' IKEA question; Jonas is great; Even's 2 minute dash of pash; Even's hair; Montague boys forever.

Ghostcat: “Dash of pash” :skull: Thank you so much for chatting with me today. And for bearing with my technical difficulties.

etal: My pleasure. Go buy your pies! Run! Run! Raise your eyebrow at them, they're waiting for you.

itsallnoncents: Thank you both! And thank you Jonas for being the bestest best bro.

Ghostcat: To Jonas! [posts gif of Jonas saying *straight up*]

*

Join us next week to read our talkback with @odeto-psyche​ about my personal fave SKAM episode, 3.8 Mannen i mitt liv aka Even, Even, Even, and the bundle of clothes.

[misterbitches]

being a fan of chengren is a death sentence it seems like bc this story is so poorly written and disjointed that we get NO FUCKING TIME WITH THEM and im not joking but xing si and the rapist dude and that awful family take up way too much time in the sense that it honestly sours your feelings for a bit. i skip around a lot but sometimes i want to laugh at how stupid and mind-boggling it is but i realize how much that dampens my feelings when i get to the people i want to see. and a show shouldnt be like that, even with questionable characters. it just sucks and i think a big part of it is how contradictory the message of the show is as well. you have this imperfect couple in a really weird genre and a horrible series but they can get their main relationships (usually) uh i wouldnt say right. but they are there.

everything about chengren is so fucking opposite? there's also just how fucking awkward they made the writing when their conclusion was of course what they were hinting at (sometimes i'm like so did half of you like go to film school or are experienced in the field if you didnt—cos it's a fucking racket and a scam—because sometimes it's like oh gee some decent production but mostly it's like did ANY of you read the LAST SCENE you JUST WROTE?) like imagine how much better of a time we could have spent without the top/bottom discourse particularly since htey directly tied it to rape.

which is another thing, i get that this is fetishization and projection of patriarchy and bullshit of the highest order but for the love of god it literally harms every single group you're purporting to support with the constantly conflation of sexuality with LITERAL SEX especially especially when it comes to consent. people aren't gay or attracted to people on the spectrum or same-sex or whatever because of trauma nor do they have to be set in stone. i mean i have to critique the genre as a whole when i comment because without the whole shitty structure it could be different but it isn't and that's what happens when shit is appropriated and removed from its owners so the people in these groups want nothing to do with it mostly, which is evident.

as a woman/as women it's okay to acknowledge that too like we are being voyeurs in a sense watching this, i mean we are participating in the shit, but like exploitation is par for the course. the thing is it rests on OUR exploitation as well because it is about women and yes that's fucked up and strange but that is literally capitalism at work. that's why this is so easy to spread and it's soft power.

but then to get to the point after 8 episodes about a dick going in a butt the writers are like "oh these grown men actually know how to have conversations we totally forgot that they can talk about sex and be done with this convo in two seconds"

TO BE FAIR....that was a good convo and it was a good conclusion since they included it at every turn in the worst way possible. i have one more complaint (probably more) but when muren is drugged or whatever the frame of anson chen's body / his back when teng teng sees him gives me nightmares. it is so visually unappealing and i'm angry that someone looked at that frame and the blocking and went "this is good yes" his body makes no sense in that shot and it isn't sensual he reminds me of a fucking titan and i don't like it. UGH THEY SHOULD HAVE RAISED THE CAMERA OR SOMETHING. IT GIVES ME NIGHTMARES.

we all need to talk to the production team. i don't know how much credit i can give them (i'll go with none until they pay off my film school debt) because the actors carry so much weight for why we like chengren. i think because they are older, more comfortable as actors, so the stupid shit they say seems more plausible. and because the two can play off each other and have that comfort it really seems like them. they also make these stupid lines of dialogue their own. there's lots of room for improvement, i think on anson's part especially, but even if they say things that are just ridiculous, we don't have so much cringe. idk because i know that the rest of the show is just so fucking dumb and im like....idek i cannot give anyone but them (anson, charles) credit (oh and the poor crew members like lighting and shit who had to stand around for this garbage my god)

sadly i think they may be my fav couple from history. which is really saying something because this is an ACTUAL nightmare.