#and also i really wanna put more of an effort on interacting w ppl on tumblr

[shokupanda]

im just gonna recap my upcoming hell week: it is currently sunday, ten pm. i need to finish writing a paper and print it 7am stat because thats when most printshops open and i have to turn it in before 9am, because at that time i have a history final (that i as of this point is time have not studied for at all).

after that i need to immediately go home and make a powerpoint presentation for tuesday, and also speedrun another mutiple page a3 project of designing a stand and making like detailed floorplans and mockups (with watercolor paint), because i need to get that binded tuesday, because i need go turn it in wednesday.

for tuesday itself, on campus i have to speedrun painting two large a3 illustrations for a different final, and also speedrun the aforementioned project-that-needs-to-be-binded.

come wednesday, ill hopefully be able to turn that project in, but then i have a civics final exam that morning.

thursday is an off day (hopefully). but i need to tweak the design of a mostly done group presentation for friday.

friday ill need to present said presentation.

i think after that thats it for the semester and i can finally have respite with a few months break oh god finally. after mentally going through what i have to do though im really not looking forward to this week. graphic design is my prisonnnnn AAAAAAAAAA

[borom1r]

hmmm 3, 5, 6, 11, 14, 20, 22, 26, 38, 40 for the fun questions meme <3

ooooooo ok these’ll b inchresting :3

3- 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

th lotr trilogy (duh), I Saw the TV Glow, The Last Unicorn :3

5- what made you start your blog?

THIS blog? suicide bait on my old blog :3

tumblr in general? a friend showed it to me in high school n i made one n my life was irreversibly changed lmfao

6- what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

ATTENTION. double edged sword. like ok i try not to let myself care abt attention and try to be rlly careful now abt who i interact with but at the same time it rlly is validating when things Get Attention. some of my favorite fics have little to no engagement :( n like yea its not healthy to create FOR engagement (fast track 2 burnout) but its also like very disheartening to put time n effort n passion into sth only for it to fizzle out in the void

but whatever. ill make weird art forever

11- what do you consider to be romance?

THIS IS SO FUNNY 2 GET bc soooo much recently has made me reevaluate like. how I perceive this lollllll

anyways short answer: idfk man!!!!!!! close friendships n romance r incredibly cloudy in my mind cuz ive got a bad case of dogbrain!!

long answer is i just don’t quantify that stuff the way neurotypical ppl do :3 ties into th autism + nonhumanity. i also think cis ppl being attracted to me is gross lol. ideal romance for me is bein held n tended to like a noble knight tends their sword. I feel love like a dog feels abt their human!!! dogbrained!!! romance is being a guard dog, being a Really Good Boy but just soooo disconnected from like. idk allosexual/neurotypical quantifiers of “romance” for me lol

+ i don’t use th label rlly but im def somewhere on th ace spectrum lol like physical intimacy is only rlly “safe” conceptually when its completely disconnected from th realm of possibility. like thirsting over celebrities or like th knight i have a crush on. + cis ppl desiring me is rlly like.. ew 😒 don’t look @ me anymore man

14- what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

UM. funnily enough im gonna do th Big Thing this summer :3 im going 2 th renaissance festival shirtless this year now tht im post op

s’gonna be scary showin off my scars but i rlly wanna go all out n celebrate finally havin top surgery. like im alive!! despite everything im alive n im happy ^_^ so cis people be damned, im gonna run around like a lil wolfguy for the first weekend!!!!!

20- favourite things about the night?

i love the moon :3

i also love how still n quiet things get

22- say 3 things about someone you love

ITS SO BRAVE!!!!!!!!! ITS LITERALLY THE FUNNIEST GUY I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO PROUD OF IT FOR HOW MUCH WORK IT DOES TO BETTER OUR COMMUNITY N PROUD OF IT FOR PURSUING TRANSITION + CANT WAIT TO SHARE MORE TRANS JOY W/ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(hiiiiiii Ly hehe!!)

26- fave colour and why?

when i was a kid my favorite colors were neon yellow n neon pink :3 they still kinda are but now i usually stick to like lime green or bright red paired w black. forest green + dark blue r gr8 too

38- fave song at the moment?

DONT ASK ME TO PICK JUST ONE???????

here r some I’ve had on loop lately: Far Away (Roadside Ghost), Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl (Broken Social Scene), I’m Already Gone (Baroness), Sex for Homework (MSI)

40- any bad habits?

oh yea i have dermatillomania lol

it doesn’t rlly bother me to talk abt bc i think “gross” stuff like that deserves to be less stigmatized— my shoulders n back are COVERRRRREED in little scars + scabs

[valsvastemporium]

Starting Deity/Entity Work FAQ

deity/entity work and how ppl start varies greatly from person to person but I’ll try and cover the basics. answers will also vary on the pantheon the deity is a part of but for this ima speak generally on the main open pantheons (Greek, Roman, Norse, Celtic, Kemetic).

firstly I wanna give the general disclaimer that deity work is not the safest for beginners or the inexperienced. it’s a serious practice that involves active participation from both the devotee and the deity. it takes a solid proficiency in the basics (cleansing, banishing, protections/wards, vetting (making sure they're legit), how to use divination/form of communication and their pros/cons) to communicate with an entity safely. remember to not mess with things you can’t for sure deal with . the process will generally be the same for other entities who wish to work w you as well. another disclaimer is that deities generally won't reach out to beginners and u should really make sure you know what and who ur dealing with before proceeding as a beginner. and even if an entity does reach out it’s not always gonna be cuz they want to work w you, it could be they have a msg or they want ur worship instead . also learn the difference between worshipping and working w, worshipping is more onesided and there isn't much direct interaction, working w is a mutual agreement that involves direct communication and doesn't necessarily include worship.

i define deity/entity work as a mutual agreement between practitioner and spirit, who speak directly to one another and not just prayer, to work together to achieve whomever's goals usually in exchange for specific tasks, including offerings and the like.

1. so you think a deity reached out to you? cool! but now what do u do?

first, u have to actually decipher if this is a deity, plenty of beings are capable of sending signs, including your own subconscious, so it’s important to cipher thru and make sure u know what and who ur dealing w . and also remember everything has their own motive and reason for reaching out, it’s not always to work w you. this can be done by analyzing the signs you’re receiving and the situations in which you receive them, make sure to always check for the mundane first. signs can appear thru mundane means but most times something mundane is just that and holds no spiritual meaning. for ex., seeing crows aplenty, mundanely it's due to the changing of the seasons but that doesn’t always cancel out the current situation having spiritual value. remember that to interpret a deity's signs you have to understand their mythos and surrounding mythos, including their epithets. you won’t be able to understand them if you don’t make an effort to learn about them.

2. the signs are generally pointing to a deity, now what?

u wanna double or even triple-check, u can do this by asking others how they’d interpret the signs, or better yet you can do divination on it to figure it out. remember that during the divination ur not actually reaching out yet, ur asking ur divination tool to read the energy and help un-code it for you.

3. everything is saying yes and ur still getting signs pointing to a deity !!

now's the time to actually put ur best foot forward and reach out to see who it might be (if it wasn’t previously obvious). set your space, double check ur protections, and reach out. make sure you can actually interpret ur divination tools w not too much trouble, you don’t have to know them in depth and by memory but you should be comfortable enough with them to decipher different types of questions and answers. a reminder that you don’t have to accept their offer and you can reject them way before you get to this point, you can do it once u realize “oh damn something is reaching out” and it could be as simple as a thought in the wind. acceptance can also be done in the same way w a thought in the wind tho most ppl make an effort to do it more direct and semi-formal.

4. so u decided u want to work w them and they want to work w you! how do u start?

normally you would already have experience worshipping them and this would just deepen that relationship but ofc you don’t have to worship beforehand for them to reach out. if it’s a deity new to you then if possible you would set up an altar and start w some small devotional acts/offerings to get in the swing of things and get used to their energy.

5. what do u do w them?

what ur actual relationship would entail would highly depend on the deity and what they came into ur life for. it's a good idea to make up a "contract" of some sort to lay out yall's terms and conditions for the working relationship . this would generally include short term/long term/indefinite, how often the devotee will do offerings, what the deity will meddle in, how often yall check-in, what the deity will teach u, etc . this becomes increasingly more important with other entities. the contract doesn't have to be physical but it's recommended so u can always check back w it. it doesn't have to be formal either, it just has to be agreed upon by both parties involved. some relationships are fully contractual while others are more friendly and involved.

6. any more advice?

it's important to understand how the deity was worshipped in their prime. understanding the cultural context of the mythology is really good because u need to know how myths developed and were used, and the actual history. another thing is learning the difference between revivalist and reconstructionist views. remember you cant work w the beings of religions closed to you, the religions i named, in the beginning, had a point in time where they had no active followers. so the way they’re practiced now is merely a revivalist or reconstructionist perspective based on the information we have. religions like Judaism, Hinduism, indigenous religions, ATR (African traditional religions), Taoism, etc have all been kept active since their start and have their own special requirements to practice them. learning what's closed and what's open will further help u vet deities as those of faiths closed to you won’t be reaching out.

[doyouevenshipbr0]

gruvia drabble

author’s note: well. everybody. are we surprised??????? i dont write a thing for like months but then i get inspiration and here i am✨✨ also im not gonna lie... this fic is a lil bit ooc. v much for gray. its believable but like BARELY. so BASICALLY if u dont read fairy tail 100 years quest, this might not make a whole lotta sense to u, but i think youll be able to follow! SO! this fic is based off of the gruvia interactions in the latest fairy tail 100 years quest chapter! chapter 63!!! enjoy my beautiful ppl!:)❤️❤️❤️

*

Without missing a beat, Juvia launched herself at her darling Gray. “Ahh...” She lulled with great relief. “It’s so good to see you safe, Gray-sama.”

Her arms naturally wrapped around his neck as she sweetly nuzzled her face right into his. The two of them were certainly beat up from their battle with Metro, and they had the bandages wrapped around themselves from head-to-toe to proove it. Yet, naturally, Juvia didn’t mind. Her body was achey, sure, but all she could feel was warmth from her overwhelming love for Gray.

She felt Gray’s muscles soften. He brought his hand up to the top of her head, bringing her into the crook of his neck, and he followed her lead by resting his cheek atop her head. He couldn’t help but smirk at the sight of Juvia safe and acting like her normal self. After finally getting a moment to breathe, this was the first time in a long time he was really seeing Juvia where they weren’t fighting or she wasn’t partially brainwashed by Touka. It was nice to see her back to being unequivocally Juvia.

“You too.” Was all he replied, but that was all he needed to say.

Gray could hear the gasps going around the guild at the sight of he and Juvia, but he paid it no mind.

“Ok tiger, think you could maybe put some pants on?” Cana’s call to Gray was what finally snapped him out of it.

“Gah! My pants!” He exclaimed, flustered, breaking from his embrace with Juvia.

“They’re right here, darling!” Juvia quickly gathered his clothes. Naturally, she was always keeping track.

“Thanks.” He snatched them. He snapped his attention to his number one rival, and pointed at him. “Natsu, as soon as I get these back on, I’m kicking your ass!” He shouted.

“Eh?!” He responded. “Why me?!”

“Because you got to have all the fun taking down a dragon! Now I want a piece of you!” He taunted. He couldn’t deny that the combination of a couple beers, and the adrenaline rush from another Fairy Tail victory, was amping Gray up, to say the least.

“Bring it on!” Natsu grinned, and began cracking his knuckles.

Before they knew it, a bunch of the guys were rolling around like wild animals. You would’ve never thought they just faced one of the biggest battles of their lives, but, well, that was Fairy Tail.

“Get em’, Gray-sama!” Juvia cheered on, energetically, just as he swung a punch at Gajeel.

Juvia went back to the bar to get some more drinks, and Gray was shortly behind her. “Aw man.” He flopped onto the seat beside Juvia, out of breath. “Those guys don’t mess around in a fight. Even when we’re already beaten to a pulp.” Gray snickered. He did love a good fight, but he couldn’t deny his body was tired.

Juvia hummed a giggle. “The same can be said for you. Juvia saw you throwing some solid punches.” She handed him a beer.

“Did you expect anything less?” Gray playfully smirked at Juvia, causing her to blush just a tad.

“Of course not.” She grinned.

“Lucy!” Gray shouted, and as he did so, he casually brought his arm around Juvia, placing a hand on her shoulder as they both sat. Juvia was really blushing now. She sat still and silent, afraid of ruining the moment.

Gray continued once Lucy turned to him. “Why don’t you give Natsu some of that booze? Maybe that would take him off his game and I could kick his sorry ass in one shot!” He joked.

The hand still weighed heavy on Juvia’s shoulder. Did Gray place it there by accident? Did he know what he was doing? Maybe he just needed her so he could keep his balance? Or maybe he was cold and wanted Juvia to keep him warm?

Natsu perked up “Give me all the booze in the world! I’ll still kick your ass!” Just as he said that, Elfman came up from behind him, and slammed his body to the ground. Gray and Juvia both laughed.

“Leave it to Natsu to pick a fight with just about anyone.” He snorted, but Juvia couldn’t pay much attention to what Gray was saying at the moment.

He casually brought his hand down for just a moment, and just as Juvia’s mind rolled with questions as to what he could possibly be doing now, she was given an answer. He softly took a lock of her hair in his hand, and ever so lightly stroked it. Juvia was frozen in happiness. She didn’t dare turn her head, but she did see Gray out of the corner of her eye, and he simply took a gulp of his beer, without seeming to mind at all that he was doing something completely and utterly unlike him—public affection. However, he was unbothered. He continued rhythmically running his fingers through her hair as if this was the most normal thing in the world to him.

“Maybe I’m bias, but beer is better when Mira’s serving it at the guild.” He said to Juvia as he looked curiously at his beer. While saying this, he even began to twirl a piece of hair between his fingers. The way her heart fluttered with each flip of his fingers was something she’d never felt, but wow— what a feeling. Unfortunately, Juvia could not hold back this reaction as shivers were sent all over her body rather noticeabley.

“You ok?” Gray stopped the hair stroking, and brought his palm to the middle of her back, still seemingly putting forth an effort to touch her, and he looked over at her.

“Y-yes!” Juvia jolted. “Juvia is fine!”

“You sure?” He raised a brow. “You seem a little tense.”

“No! Honestly! Juvia is completely fine, just a bit caught off guard is all!” She was starting to break a sweat. Leave it to her to screw up a moment.

“How so?” He finally pulled the hand away, to Juvia’s dismay.

“W-well...” She fiddled with her thumbs. “It-it’s just that... Gray-sama... was playing with Juvia’s hair, a-and you had your arm around me—and— Juvia was just surprised, that’s all!”

“Oh.” Gray was the one who was a bit stunned this time. His cheeks turned bright red, and he couldn’t help but look away.

Honestly, he really wasn’t even aware that he was doing that until Juvia pointed it out. He was taken aback by himself, admittedly. It wasn’t like him to be a hands-on type of guy. However, what he did know, was now that he knew he wasn’t touching her, he felt a desire to touch her more than ever. It was like once he knew she wasn’t in his grasp, a piece of himself felt lost. He wanted his arm around her. He wanted to feel her soft blue waves run through his fingers. He wanted to feel her warm embrace in his arms. So, even though he didn’t make a conscious effort to be physical, it was what he wanted. He wanted to feel her, and thus feel comfort. Feel serenity. Feel happiness.

“But, it’s ok!” Juvia leaned towards him. “Juvia didn’t mind at all! Not one bit! Oh, Juvia is so sorry! She’s insulted Gray-sama! As an apology, you may touch Juvia wherever you want!” She stood up and proudly spread her arms and puffed her chest, displaying herself for Gray.

Gray’s whole face burned fiercely. “Ah, jeez, would you sit down!” He snapped, and he took Juvia by her shoulders, putting her back in her seat.

“Juvia is sorry!” She exclaimed. “It’s just that, it’s not like Gray-sama to show any sort of affection in public! Juvia doesn’t know how to act!”

“Yeah, I guess.” Gray nervously scratched the back of his head. “I dunno’, it’s just that, well, after so many of these fights and always putting our lives on the line, it’s just hard to believe we’ve made it this far. On top of that, seeing all my comrades safe and...” He paused. “Seeing you safe after all of this... it just makes me feel so relieved. And, well, basically, I’ve come to realize that life is short.” He looked down. “Really short. And, I don’t wanna waste time worrying about stupid stuff. I just wanna’ do what’ll make me happy.”

He finally locked eyes with Juvia. “And you make me happy.”

Tears rushed to her stunned eyes. “Oh, Gray-sama!” She threw herself onto him all over again. He reciprocated almost instantly, placing a hand on her back. She looked back up at him, eyes glazed with tears. “You make Juvia happy too.” She smiled gently.

“Glad we’re on the same page.” Gray smirked, and then he brought Juvia back into his hold. They were both where they belonged- safe, and in each other’s arms.

As Juvia rested against his chest, she felt a comforting sensation that was already so familiar to her: Gray combing his fingers ever so gently through her long hair.

[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

[lesbiancarat]

PREACH IT!! SAY IT LOUDER FOR TH3 PEOPLE IN THE BACK!! *stands up and claps*

Just your comment, please I want to tattoo that entire response on my forehead so people could understand some stuff fjshdhsh. I very much agree with everything you have said, like I do think the bighit deal was more so with the help of say with western connections (which again does NOT mean pledis could have done this without bighit. They clearly could but I saw a theory on a YouTube comment where someone said they focused on the core fanbase aka in Korea which is their main market and it paid off imo) from helping with buisness side of things like we do have merch to buy directly (which I have my opinion on some merch ideas like why the fudge is bighit selling us water!? Bro you thought that worked with bts doesn't mean it will with seventeen) which wasn't common in the past or being able to film concerts with ease during the pandemic. Bighit clearly acknowledges that seventeen is a monster group in their own right I mean as you said, they break records and are 2nd behind bighits own group. They are EXTEMELY big in Japan. They are their own song makers, bang pd confirmed this when pleids was first announced in a press video so the fact people brush all of their achievements and statements because why, their streaming numbers are low?

And oohh such an interesting point as well! Very much i think the current mindset of kpop fans (or at least some) is that streaming is what equals success which to some degree, yes but as you said, many ignore the casual side of listening. People that find the song due to it being viral for whatever reason, a fancam getting popular like in the cass of hani from exid or whatever reason. Dwc is a great example and I saw those comments under their recent performance of that song and it makes me proud that the boys have a song like that. That it has its own "fanbase" quote on quote with how well loved that song simply is and well known. You don't have to have fans doing crazy streaming to be considered "popular", I mean I could give more examples but I don't wanna make this too long nor cause unwanted fandrama lol. Those casual listeners are extremely important and powerful I mean brave girls is a great recent example of that I think! It very much does seem like that when looking at the views, its mainly the core fanbase which isn't bad nor should we feel bad for not having crazy numbers. They seem more organic if that makes sense? Plus I agree, we can stream and can explain how it works, clearing up confusion about it like no emojis don't take down views and yes youtube does take away views but that is due to it making sure it isn't bots only viewing the video. Explaining that streaming should be done with a chill mindset and its ok if you don't stream. But hey, maybe we're too weird of fans to think like this fjajdjajs.

But some few updates! Seventeen is back on Instagram, fully everyone is posting away. Makes me happy hehe m, a bit funny it took so long for them to comeback but am happy nonetheless. The interactions that seungkwan does makes me super soft. Seventeen are also back with doing proper promotions so yay (also pledis is S Wording people over the mingyu issue finally so bless). As for me on the personal side of things. I have OFFICIALLY finished that video game ^_^ it took me a while but I have finished it, my last goodbye was completed and am at ease so to speak? Lowkey am planning on beating all the trophies in the game cx also may I ask about your thoughts on the album? Favorite songs, have you bought the physical cd?

ok finally getting around to this lol!!

and yeah that's absolutely true, pledis focused on kr promotions/fanbase first and foremost (and then expanded to Japan and is now looking toward the US/western promos in general). which i agree was a good thing. i think some companies get too greedy with wanting a group to be ~internationally famous~ that they ignore their Korean fanbase a bit too much and I've seen groups that have failed bc of it, so I'm glad that didn't happen w SVT

and yeah in terms of merch I'm genuinely grateful as an american that for this cb at least there was a US distributor which made things super convenient but wtf is going on w hybes merch those water bottles are not it TT it just sucks to see bc it's clear that at least as far as merch goes hybe doesn't have an interest in like. doing market research to figure out what carats want. which is funny bc they don't even have to start from scratch they could literally just ask pledis?? and tbh what's sad is i don't think hybe is like. purposefully trying to sabotage SVTs merch from my limited perspective i get the feeling they treat all their groups merch like that :( but since us carats have seen in the past what kind of merch we're capable of getting it's disappointing to see such a downgrade. and like tbf pledis's merch decisions were never perfect like that time they tried to sell replicas of the SVT rings and carats were rightfully pissed bc those are something the members earned, not something to be bought. and i also don't think hybe never has or never will make good merch, I'm sure they're fully capable of it. but it just seems obvious that they've put WAY less if any effort into understanding both the market (ie carats) and seventeens brand compared to pledis so like of course most carats aren't gonna like it :/ i really hope they step up their game and do better research or bring ppl onto the team who better understand svt's brand

and yeah i very much agree with everything u said about streaming! tbh i think this mindset isn't as uncommon as you might think, I've actually met a fair number of kpop fans who are critical of streaming culture but as u know there also are a lot of ppl who are really into it and those ppl tend to have the loudest voices. and unfortunately part of streaming culture is that if you question the methods or don't participate you must be a bad fan or secretly an anti or something ridiculous like that. so ppl who aren't into streaming culture end up learning to not be too vocal about it bc of how bad the backlash can be

yes! I'm glad to see insta line (+ now dk!!) active again. i still wonder why pledis made them stop using their ind instas, like I know all the theories people have as to why but honestly none that I've seen seem to fully make sense. it will probably be one of those things where we'll just never know the full story. but i digress!! regardless of the reason I'm just glad to have them back after all this time ^^

congrats on finishing the game! I'm glad it was able to help you work through your grief a bit and that you feel more at ease now ;-; and good luck with the rest of the trophies if you end up trying to get them!

as always I'm answering this a bit late so you may have seen already but i did get the physical album! it was a birthday gift so i only got it the other day, but according to my mom it arrived almost immediately after the album was released so as i said before, I'm very grateful for the US shop this time around ;-; as for the songs usually it's easy for me to pick one or two favorites but this time around it's genuinely a 4-way tie between heavens cloud and all the unit songs TT (i also love anyone and RTL, they're just slightly lower on the list in terms of preference if u get what i mean). i really hope some time in the future we get some kind of performance or special video or something for heavens cloud, since so many carats and the members themselves seem to really love it. i also think it's a song that brings up such beautiful imagery that it would be a shame if it never got any type of visual representation, you know? I'm also really curious to see a performance of wave, since iirc the members said the choreo is a lot more laid back/different from other perf unit choreos?? + that song also evokes such great imagery for me that like... makes feel like it needs some kind of movement so I'm just itching to see a performance. kind of like... even if i didn't know it was a perf unit song i would think it would be great to choreograph to if that makes any sense dhfkf. but yeah overall i think it's just a really solid album, as expected from summerteen ^^

[keitheaverage]

not a hot take really but: instead of SNS trying to "cleanse" their domains entirely of inappropriate work to become more kid-friendly and marketable (which almost never works anyway bc 1) the bots are doing a bad job, and 2) ppl always seem to find a way around it), they should prioritize:

Adding features that let you mark whether or not a post you're making contains N/S/F/W content.

Having a decent tagging system that allows you to mark for tr*ggers/WHY a certain work would be marked N/S/F/W (Is the work super violent? Is it just a drawing of OP's comfort character in cute lingerie? Is a character being depicted a*used in some way that could be tr*ggering to other users? Did OP fill a page w/ cartoon wieners n' clams for a laugh? ...Like there's more than one reason something could be considered N/S/F/W, and some ppl are more comfortable with certain reasons than others).

If you're registered under a certain age (assuming everyone's being honest abt their ages), those kinds of posts should just be completely hidden from your feeds/searches.

Minors should also have the option of having their own posts/blog hidden from 18⬆ users if they aren't comfortable w/ adult strangers following them online or interacting w/ them (again, this is assuming that everyone here will be honest abt their ages).

Also if you're an adult you absolutely should have the option to toggle N/S/F/W content on or off. Bc sometimes you want to see it, but sometimes you're at family gatherings where your mom could be hovering over your shoulder at any moment. Or maybe you just wanna browse your fandom tags but aren't into seeing 12 consecutive drawings of your comfort character getting railed.

And yes, I know: DeviantART does stuff like that. Artfol does stuff like that. AO3 does stuff like that. Some v talented coders and developers have even made browser add-ons and extensions that do stuff like that. And that's awesome! It's doable, and we know this bc it's been done before. I just wish sites like Twitter and Tumblr would put more effort into features like that instead of unceremoniously wiping blogs clean and banning users who've been there for years over incorrectly flagged content just so they can still get featured in the App Store.

[antiistita]

@@@@@@@@@@@

spreading the love!!!!

under a read more cause this is gonna get REALLY long and i don’t wanna clog yalls dashboards smh. also sorry for the pings but i have too much wuv to give

@askthesurvivorinred / @askwuchang / @ask-misfortune – i could go on for HOURS about jack. she’s the reason i’m here in this community!!!! we’ve been friends for what like … 2 years now? i would absolutely DIE for her and we both know i mean that very much. she’s always been a fantastic friend for me and that’s that on that

@ask-vampire-hunter-naib – WOOSHIE. WOOSHMEISTER. i wuv you. god i just appreciate how much effort you put into naib’s backstory and i always enjoy hearing your rants about him!! i LOOOVE the very creative twist you pulled with this costume!!!

@ask-idvgardener – glitchy!!!! you’re so amazing and your art style is just *chef’s kiss* mwah! it’s so bubbly and just makes me feel happy tbh. i am always down for shippy interactions between fiona and emma uwu

@askthenchantress-idv – I ADORE YOUR PATRICIA … she’s so good and i know we haven’t done a lot of ship things yet but i am looking forward to that ;n; i’m just a big dummy and am not on this blog often enough. anyway, your art style is also spot on! it just kinda … encompasses all that is patricia, y’know?

@seer-is-here – jaff please let me hug mr birdman he is somft and i will hold him gently like mashed potatoe. idk your art style is just … really fluffy! and i love it!!!! i also love how you portray eli too. and AND AND i always appreciate the asks

@ask-prospector-v – omg what’s not to say? i love your art, it just gives off a happy vibe. i enjoy watching your art bloom and take shape, it’s so great!! no matter what you say, your art is very much appreciated :D

@ask-idv-embalmer / @ask-idv-seer / @ask-idv-comedian / @ask-idv-photographer – FACAAA!!!! god your art is so fucking good it’s just. a whole damn meal. you’re just an all around great person and i would love to interact more w you !!!!!!

@askeliclark / @ask-theacrobat – juni your art … holy shit i wuv it. i love miss clark so much can i please. hold her hand. she’s just so good … did i mention your art yet? i CANNOT get enough of it, it’s just so AMAZING!!!

@askhellember – i feel like i’m complimenting so many peoples’ art but they’re all just so talented, you included! i adore how you took his lore and just ran like the wind w it. your art gives me a very watercolory-flowy vibe and i’m all here for it

ok ok i’m sorry for not doing all 11 @’s i’m very tired. but i promise if i didn’t @ you, i still love you!!!! there’s just so many ppl in this community ^^;;

[kae-karo]

Hi Katie! I’m a freshman in college. I just started a couple weeks ago but currently have no friends. I have a few acquaintances from classes and clubs I just joined but I feel like everyone already has a group from orientation and such and I don’t want to insert myself. I really like being alone but it gets really sad when I’m the only one on my floor on weekend nights ://. Do you advice as to how I could build stronger connections w ppl and actually make friends???? Thanks and sorry to bother!

oh hi dear! first of all, i hope everything else is getting off to a good start for you! hm, now let me add a quick disclaimer: i made,,,,,,,,,pretty much zero friends in college and i don’t remember most of my time there cause Depression but here’s the advice i think i would’ve liked to follow/would maybe try to make more of an effort to follow if i could go back

for meeting people, generally:

you are probably not alone!!!!! i don’t doubt that if you feel like a bit of an outsider, there are one or more others who feel the same. if you see anyone standing alone, not majorly participating in a group discussion, etc, maybe try reaching out!!! they might be in the same boat as you but more nervous to initiate conversations. this is genuinely how i made a few acquaintances that i do still remember (and follow on various social media) today

in your clubs/classes, you might notice that there’s at least one person who tends to make an effort to include everyone in whatever they’re doing - gravitate toward them! they may be a good resource to help you meet others and feel more included in the group

take advantage of the situations where you have to interact with others - group projects or activities in classes, partner work, labs, etc. there’s some study out there that lists some numbers, but generally it takes a certain number of hours to build a connection with someone! so literally just actively spending time with people is a way to move toward those connections! and hey, maybe they’ve got some time to grab a coffee after you get some work done/take a break and grab a snack/grab dinner between classes or something! the worst thing that can happen is they say no!

put in more effort to meet/talk to people in classes/activities you’re really interested in (and less effort in the classes you’re like,,,,,eh about, cause hey we all only have a certain amount of energy so we should spend it wisely, esp if you’re on the more introverted side!) that shakespeare class you took cause u love shakespeare/theater? that’s where you want to spend your energy and mental effort trying to get to know people, cause the likelihood is those people are the ones who you’ll get on with better, cause hey, they probably have a similar passion/similar interests and boom! that’s something to bond over!

dorm activities!!!! idk if you live in a dorm (most freshman do) but my dorm did like tons of get-to-know-people stuff and tons of general dorm activities - this is a great place/time to really interact with people, cause hey, they live near you! it’s super easy to hang out and you’re far more likely to see them on a regular basis! and then it’s super easy to be like ‘oh hey do u wanna grab dinner, i was just about to head over to the dining hall!’ 

a quick side mention - there are like some apps i think that help you meet friends in your area? i vaguely remember one from when i was in school that my school mentioned or w.e but i can’t think of the name right now. but if you think that’s something you’re comfy with/interested in, it might help you meet people who you might be more likely to form connections with!

okay now for forming better connections with people... this is definitely where i struggled or could’ve done better honestly

consistency is key - for me, i was always more of the like. i only want to put in effort with people i actually feel like i vibe with and not waste energy on people i just really can’t get along with. the trouble for me was just with following through with that lmao. but like. if you see them in the halls or w.e, take that extra few seconds to be like ‘o hey waddup!’ and mention something from the last time you talked, or something you know relates to something that would be of interest to you both (ie u in anime club? ‘o hey so-and-so, how’s it going? awesome, yeah i’m surviving haha. honestly just living for that next ep of [insert anime here], do you watch that one?’ or whatever - find reasons to connect and extrapolate from them!!!)

if you do find some people you vibe with, figure out how to make connecting with them easy - get in a group chat or get their number, follow them on social media (with consent lmao) or whatever. make talking to them an easy thing to do, that way you’re more likely to do it even if you don’t have a ton of energy! 

thing from the other bullet point - reasons to connect - build on that! start with the easy stuff (like obvious shared interests) and start extrapolating. like in my example, asking if they watch another anime, or if they have any recommendations! communication (and therefore development of connections) is a 2 way street! invite them to participate and then listen and show interest. if they rec a show that sounds mildly interesting, give it a watch and offer your thoughts on it! ask for their opinions on it! stuff like that!

in that same vein, pay attention to the kinds of things they talk about - ask questions and encourage them to talk! like this is just generally a good listening skill, but encouraging people to talk about the things they like is like the Best way to form connections! let someone rant about something they’re super into!

now, a sort of segue which is related but more on the side of like,,,,,,don’t get into unhealthy relationships: take note of how they engage with you. do they just talk about themselves/their interests with no regard for your thoughts/your own interests? do they shame you/make fun of you for stuff in a ‘joking’ way (esp even after you ask them to stop?) do they put you down in front of others even though they seem perfectly nice in one-on-one conversations? do they try to guilt you into doing things? (literally anything you aren’t comfy with - whether it be watching something that you’re not into/might be triggering for you, going to an activity you aren’t really comfy with, hanging out with people you don’t like or who make you uncomfortable, etc etc etc) just watch out for those things, don’t let someone take advantage of your mental/emotional energy and your desire for connection!

okay last point i think - be willing! that means a lot of things - willing to listen to the people you want to form connections with (including being willing to listen if they ask you to stop/express disinterest in something/etc), be willing to put forth effort on your own side to meet a person in the middle (like participating in an activity with them cause it interests them), and be willing to let people go! sometimes you meet someone and, in spite of your best efforts, there just isn’t any clicking between y’all (it may not be a bad relationship/connection, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out) and that’s okay! not everyone will be a great friend! and it’s totally cool to just remember a few things about them and continue to maintain a general acquaintanceship with them where you might casually chat when you see them but neither of you really goes out of their way to push the relationship (cause it just doesn’t feel right). and remember! quality connections are better than just having a ton of connections, that’s how you feel less lonely

okay sorry actual last point here - it’s also okay to have some friends who maybe you don’t get along with for everything but hey man, when y’all talk about anime, they’re awesome! casual friendships like that can be great too - especially if you have diverse interests! that friend you made in your shakespeare class may have mentioned they haven’t really ever gotten into anime, but that person you met in anime club might love talking about all your fave shows! obviously the ideal is to find a person or people you can talk to about everything, but you may not find them right away! or even at college at all! and that’s fine! just find the people that you can build good connections with and roll with it! it’s a little bit like eating a ‘balanced diet’. for someone who’s vegan, that might mean they get their protein all from plant-based foods, while someone who doesn’t have a specific diet may get it from a mix of meat and plants, and someone who’s really trying to eat a lot of protein might be eating a lot of (or exclusively) meat to get their protein! my point there is like. there are a lot of ways to fulfill your nutrition needs, and there are just as many ways to build a healthy spread of connections to fulfill all your emotional needs! there’s no single Right Way to do it, just find ways that work for you!

phew okay i talked a lot but i hope this helps you a bit, dear! oh, one last thought - if you have friends from before college that you connected well with, don’t forget about them! i mean, don’t feel like you can or should rely on them exclusively, but there’s no reason to feel like you have to only get your emotional needs fulfilled by people at your college. that goes for family as well! my sis and i got a lot closer once i went away to college, so if you’ve got any close (or semi-close) family relationships, definitely give those some attention as well! anyway, i hope that helped and i hope you start to feel a little more at home and connected as your year progresses!!!

[eats-the-stars]

in my opinion, the bond with the best potential to be the strongest and longest lasting has to be sibling bonds. like, with parents and children there are gaps in generation, obligations, expectations. with friends, you have to find them and put in effort and maintain it, and there’s generally no hard feelings if you move away and lose contact, and if they get married or so on, it’s often expected that they might prioritize their new family over old friends. with someone you date, there’s always potential to break up, with a spouse, there can be cheating, divorce. and, again, to date or marry you have to track them down and put in effort just to build the relationship on both ends.

but siblings...you’ve got no say. you’re just born and they’re born into the family or adopted in and then it’s like “guess i’m stuck with this person for the rest of my life, huh.” like sure i know some siblings can become distant, but in my experience, it’s much more likely for siblings to be the ones ppl stay close to as time goes on. and it’s also like...you don’t love them for the reasons you chose to love your friends or lovers or whatever because you didn’t get to pick them, they’ve just been there, and there’s no pressure like the kind that comes from your parents, who want you to excel at life in measurable ways, hit milestones, etc. they’re not like friends or dates who need interaction and frequent contact to maintain the bond. you can fuck off for four years and then show back up at your sister’s house and be like “yo it’s me, loser” and it’s like no time has passed at all.

and more than that, there’s the whole “living through the same childhood?” that kinda connects you. and how if you’ve lived your whole life on equal footing with someone, under the same roof, you learn to read them better than anyone else, w/out even having to try. and you’re already used to all their little quirks and the annoying things they do specifically to mess with you, you have  inside jokes, you share a lot of the same opinions about things, you know the old traditional common ground you can always stand on to ease back into familiar roles.

I guess I just wanna say that I’m really lucky that I have a sister who is so close that we’ll probably live together until we both die of old age. like there’s something about growing old with your sister that just hits different than a spouse or a friend. it’s like...having a friend that you love unconditionally, who you know almost better than you know yourself...and also if anyone mentions them in a sexual context you can make an exaggerated “Ew, GROSS, I’ll have you know that my sister is HIDEOUS!” fuss every time. it’s like, platonic soulmate material. like if i had to pick one person to live with for the rest of my life, i wouldn’t even have to think. i’d just pick my sister immediately. and i’m like 100% sure she’d pick me, too.

[youseriousjayse]

Oh shit. I wanna fuck my boss. This is...not good.

I stg I barely caught myself from just walking over and kissing them while they were saying something ridiculous after the shop was closed. Oh fuck oh fuck. THis is bad. They’re married and have kids and they seem like a good person but sometimes…I definitely think they’ve flirted w me before. And I seem to be a favourite for no apparent reason. They talk about their spouse and their personal life all the time to me (esp their spouse), but I’ve only ever heard them mention their spouse like twice to other workers. And they compare me to their spouse all the time. Always saying I sound just like them or I do this or that just like them. ANd I would definitely go for it if it was an option which prob makes me a horrible person, but that’s okay I already knew that. 

Idk how they manage to be both “ur really hot” and “ur the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” It’s maddening. And they’re so fucking funny and that’s my weakness and they’re always trying to make me laugh. idek how old they are. in their twenties im 96% certain. Im horrid at guessing age. there’s def at the v least 5 yrs b/t us. but idrk. I don’t even hypothetically want anything serious. I literally just wanna be able to fuck them and feel mushy about them on the side and end it when I leave next july. Obv this isn’t ever going to happen but thinking about it hypotheticlly helps me short my shit out. idk. idk. i really like thm and they seem to like me. And the thing is it’s not even just about wanting to fuck them. I care about their kids and that means a lot bc i fucking hate kids and one of theirs is an attention whore and i rlly hate that type of kid. but i like them bc they are my boss’s kids and my boss loves them. And I love hearing more about them (even tho it’s always p sad shit about them acting up in school and always being upset bc my boss is never home)

Just…..wow. if anyone needed more proof im fucked up. have at it.

Seriously tho on the seeming interested in me and showing favouritism front, they are…so protective of me. Like they are Never like this with the other employees, and it’s definitely not like I can’t defend myself. The most marked example would be the guy who runs the bodega across the street.

He came in one day, screaming about how my manager had accused his son of stealing. So they were like, I’m not sure what you’re talking about but I’m sorry if there was some sort of miscommunication. And he just kept screaming at them and calling them a little bitch and a f*ggot repeatedly, and threatening to bash their fucking head in. And they were just taking it all very calmly and professionally and saying ‘I don’t recall this happening, I’m sorry if you heard differently’ even though he was physically pushing them and still threatening them and calling them all sorts of things. Then he finally left, but not twenty minutes later he came back, just as angry, shouting the same stuff and hurling around slurs and threats and pushing my manager around. Again, they kept very calm and responded reasonably and evenly the same stuff they had before.

Again he eventually left. But then he decided he had apparently still not had enough so he came back a third time. Just as angry as before, just as hostile and antagonising. The assistant manager on duty had come up front the last time to see what was happening, but had not intervened. However this time she tried to help, also calmly saying the same things as the manager. She had been working the day before and seen the guy’s kid come in and nothing like that had happened, so he started calling her a lying fucking bitch and saying he was gonna kill both of them, and kept more and more violently shoving my manager, which they continued to just calmly take.

Eventually the guy was just was repeatedly calling them a f*ggot again and again and again. And I, also calmly, asked if he could just please stop saying that word and he fucking rounded on me and started really laying in calling me a little bitch and all sorts of things, which I didn’t react to at all, because I have an excellent poker face. But I have Never seen my manager angry at all. Not even a little bit. But they were fucking furious, and they shoved him roughly back to the door (mind you he’s a big fuckin guy) And got right up in his face and fucking snarled Get The FUCK Out Of My Store (I did Not know actual snarling words was a thing, I thought it was just smth writers said to make the angry words more emphatic, but it is a Thing™) and shoved him straight through the door. And then they just took a deep breath and turned back around calmly as ever and was like ‘sorry about that’ to the other customers and started rearranging the counter like usual.

And that whole situation has come up twice since then when we were talking (it was months ago), and both times they were like yeah it was whatever, but when he started yelling at You I fucking snapped. And I’m like. Yeahhh how do I take this. Because I am not defenseless and I don’t look like it and I’m not tiny or fragile looking, we have several other employees more likely to feel the impulse to protect but,,,they never do? It never even seems to occur to them?

Just the other day I had a lady come in who was clearly spoiling for a fight. Rude and aggressive as fuck, but I treated her calmly and professionally bc that’s what I do, but she just kept saying dumb shit, so I kept responding, not in any offensive or upset way, just repeating the facts in a calm manner. She really started yelling and was like 'I don’t like ur fuckin attitude you keep talking back you’re getting all smart with me.’ And I (again. Very calmly.) Explained that I was simply answering the questions she asked. And she was like Where’s your fuckin manager bc you’re being rude as fuck you just keep talking back.

So my manager was at the register next to(?) mine(the counter is like an L shape and has registersat either side of the corner). And they turned around and said 'I don’t hear anything unprofessional or rude’ but she kept yelling over them and talking about how rude I was, so they kept saying I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so they were like 'Okay you can go now. Please leave the store’ and gave her the corporate number when she asked for it angrily, saying she was gonna complain about us (like so??? Fine. Here’s my name and the store # idgaf).

After she left and we took care of the couple of customers left they turned to me and were like 'wow she was really spoiling for a fight.’ And I was 'yeah I mean I saw it when she came in and was super aggressive right off the bat. She was so angry for no reason. Like…chill lol’ and they gave me a sort of look and were like 'I don’t know how you deal with that (((which, mind you, every employee, and Definitely them, deals w shit like that without going off))) I feel like it bothers me a lot more when they get like that to you, than it actually bothers you’. I just shrugged, but again……they dont,,,,do that for other employees. They always stick their neck out for me or get angry (I mean as close as they get to angry, excepting the thing w the bodega owner) on my behalf. It’s…what am I supposed to make of that?

Literally if they’re around and a customer tells me to lighten up or smile or smth (bc my face is just really unexpressive unless I put a lot of effort in) they’ll just smoothly come over and be like 'I’ve got the smile for ya’ or if someone is being aggressive or harrasing about it, they won’t even pretend to be cheerful and nice, they’ll just be like 'My employees don’t get paid to smile.’ Which,,,I’m not the only one who never smiles. Actually it’s just my manager and one of the assistant managers that always smile. The rest of us are p brusque and more obviously dead inside and dislike interacting with people. But again, they’ve never done that or said anything for another employee (that I know of, obv I’m not always around, but I’m around enough to feel like I practically live there).

And just. Bloody hell, they will talk about aggressive customers and tell me the customer got in their face and will be like 'seriously, like this’ and move their face so we’re barely not touching. Like. ???!?!?!????? And they get real close to me and brush by me a lot. Mind you, they do not do this to other employees (esp the face thing), but they’ll like lean over my shoulder to look at my paperwork or make fun of me (not like in a mean way just something stupid) or they’ll come over to put their numbers in (bc we need higher clearance on the computers for like,,,almost everything it’s so stupid) and they’ll like get right up next to me or squeeze in front of me. Which again, they do not do to others, and no other employee does that to me or anyone else.

If this was a book ppl would be pissed about the slow burn like Okay Why Aren’t Things Happening Already??! But unfortunately real life and an actual human being is more complicated than that. And I don’t know what to do with it.

~update: they just turned thirty. Fuck. I’m just barely twenty.

Edit: New jeans. very nice new jeans. dammit please stop rearranging the shelves in front of me while i’m trying to work, your ass is distracting. And a new tight tight jacket too and they wear it with the sleeves pushed up right below the elbow and that’s just. Always hot. The fucking jeans together with that stupid cursed jacket makes it incredibly difficult to look away. They’re just hhhhhhhhh I can’t. This is. So much.

YEAH I could prolly go on about them forever, but I know this is super obnoxiously long. I don’t know who I’m apologising to tho bc literally nobody reads this. Which is prolly why I overshare but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[captusmomentum]

Excessively detailed asks: 1-19 odds only for Inan, 20-38 evens only for Tace plz :D

fuck me running this is a lot OKAY HERE WE GOOOOOO

INANALLAS

(heads up the pronouns are gonna jump around here bc inan uses they//them and she/her so hopefully doesn’t get too confusing rip)

1. What does their bedroom look like?

Surprisingly Clean. They’re exactly the type you’d expect to be super messy but thanks to living in such small spaces like aravals all their life they’re very good about keeping things in come kind of order. This stands even for modern verses, they’re very good about it. In verses they’re inquisitor they actually rearrange the room a lot, putting their bed on the balcony and making the main floor more of an office/living room as well as creating panels to help block out some of that sun bc HOLY SHIT WINDOWS, they also have a panel set to block the view of the bed which is really just wedged between it and the railing. The little bed alcove is very cozy and the main floor is much more functional and better for have friends up :D In modern aus, like say amd, they’re one of those people who’re like ‘ live in an apartment that’s only 90ft big :D’ and when they show you how it’s like part science miracle and part acrobatics bonanza. Like look at any tiny home or tiny apartment type show/place/thing and thats’ how they Roll. Mainly bc they’re fucking Broke AF, creative/innovative and well trained by dalish life for it. So bedrooms are usually like, lofts and shit like that which can mean it’s not much more than the essentials of Snoozing. 

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?They do! Inan works out pm everyday in pm every verse. Their style of magic is very, very very physical so it requires a lot of working out and training even in verses where they’re not constantly murdering ppl like canon ones they gotta get diesel for magic. In most verses they primarily do a variety of martial arts (or just one elf/dalish one? depends on how deep into worldbuilding you wanna get here honestly) and then things like running, weight lifting general kinda fitness exercise things. I imagine in modern verses and such (maybe more canon ones too tf do i know) that places like Arlathvhen’s there’s like, a sort of pow wow/olympics type event that goes on and clans have people representing them and Lath was disqualified for cheating bc she’s Weak in the temptation of Victory so Inan is the Obligatory Contender in at least some of the mage events, usually like, dueling bc it’s ironically her specialty. So she really does have to stay sharp when in verses where there’s no fighting bc she’s gotta bring home gold for clan Lavellan. 

(if u wanna get a sense of how inan fights it’s a LOT like pm anyone from avatar the last airbender/Legend of Korra especially Korra and Katara(atla) )(apologies about the katara vid and that shit music there’s So Little out there sobs)5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

Inan isn’t the most organized or together person which is combined w/ their dalish upbringing is why they’re Hyper Organized. Things have places and they go there ALWAYS otherwise they’ll never be found again ever. Also lots of labels. Their own living spaces are more organized than their work spaces, generally bc other ppl touch things or put things on their desk. Every time someone touches their things they have a small heart attack bc it means that something CRITICAL might have been moved and will never be found again. Seriously they are held together only by the power of their aesthetically pleasing organization and labeling. So school is Really Fun in modern aus (read: i’ve considered having them be a high school dropout for Various Reasons).7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

They Dream of wasting time. They Long to waste time. Everyday they pray they can waste time. Usually a lot of her time goes into things like Clan Stuff, Magic Stuff and Work Stuff so any chance they get to dick off they do. They fave method in modern verses is tv or youtube but in canon-y verses its Tavern w/ Bull or Tavern w/ Sera, the 2 people most likely 2 not call her out for Ditching Shit. Drinking w/ Dorian and/or Varric is very high on the list in all verses.9.Makeup?

Naaaahhhhhhhhhh. Generally too lazy for it and doesn’t like feeling of it on her face. Also it’s a real Bitch bc she’s always got tats on like 70-90% of her face and freckles (which she actually likes) so like foundation’s a Nah but you can’t do things like cover her dark circles w/o foundation otherwise the difference is Too Obvious like it’s just a Disaster. She can be convinced to wear it at special events and things but someone else has gotta do it. 

11. Intellectual pursuits?Some and very disorganized. Generally answering any Burning Mystical Questions they have regardless of worth or importance, debating (fighting) about topics involving analysis in books and things, Fade Stuff, Learning Elvhen. They don’t really actively pursue a lot of things bc they’re doing so much shit normally, they really only pursue it when the interest strikes. Also, proving that the occult is Real and Valid.13.Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?hoooooooooo boy dksjlgjfdsgfk, pansexual demisexual/grey-asexual is probably the best description. they don’t know they just like people and they don’t think about it they don’t think about Sex Stuff or ppls orientations it’s all W/E IDK and while they’re not prudish or squeamish about it they will run screaming for the hills things get too raunchy. Sex –especially sex involving them– has them looking for the nearest exit, not necessarily bc they’re sex repulsed but they are Extremely Anxious and Scared of interpersonal interaction so kissing is yiKESSSSSSSSSSSSS15.Biggest and smallest short term goal?Hmmmmm that’s really hard. Biggest is usually like: Not Die. Smallest is something like: whatever is next on to do list. They live a life of unnecessary extremes. 17.Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dressGoth mori/strega fashion vibes. Lots of skirts and layers and looking very much like a peasant wizard. Usually they just dress for the weather and put on as many layers as they can to feel safe and protected (and snuggly). There’s a lot of similarities in their logic about it with Uthvir but with miles of soft fabrics instead of spikes. Usually darker colors with an emphasis on blues. There’s not too much in the way of ritual around it since they’ve tailored their wardrobe so they can grab things put them on, and look good w/o any real effort.

 here’s the for inan fashion stuff 

19.What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Usually they go through a very specific ritual when going to sleep since they’re a dreamer to help keep that shit on lock which involves a lot of emptying of the mind and relaxing and preparing to deal with Fade Shit. If they don’t it’s just existential dread, anxiety and depression shit and panic. So they don’t not do the thing…….

TACE

20.Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?Tace wasn’t really sick much more than the normal amount and kinds as a kid and was the kind who conks out the whole time and doesn’t say, try to get up and play. As he got older and his dreamer abilities started to kick in he reacted to it like someone who was very sick, fevers, hot and cold, sweating. slept too much or not enough. He began to have trouble keeping food down and lacking an appetite which he still has problems with to this day along with sleep trouble and exhaustion. 22.Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?either doodles of dicks and such or a rude, raunchy or somehow unacceptable letter to someone whether he knew them or not he wrote for a laugh with no intention of sending. He’s very mature24.Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?He actually excels in a lot of things, he’s a pretty gifted mage. He just Hates the Circle and all that academia type shit so regardless of his skill in them he doesn’t want to do them. He thinks intellectual pursuits are on a whole a waste of time because they’re mainly just there to make people feel more important and fancy.26.Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?NOPE. NONE. past maybe ‘consult with that statue of Eleni Zinovia back in Ferelden about what to do w/ my life’ and ‘get a boyfriend’. 28.Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?hoooooo that’s Rough. Probably Banal though he’s more a father figure. He wasn’t very close to his other mages and hated the templars. Later when he meets Keshet and Shalev I guess they become his best friends which is...... very gay and lame.

Worst Enemy is Cullen and Meredith but Meredith is dead so fuck youuuuuuuu Culllleeennnnnnnn.30.Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)Boy This Sucks [Drinks like a monster even more than usual] 

he’s pretty desensitized to tragedy but also a shambling mess so it’s really just his usual self but like 1000000000000000% worse for a while

32.Thoughts on material possessions in general?

MORE PLEASE. he loves shit give him all the stuff he wants to lounge in a gaudy parlor on a opulent chaise. He never got to have much in the way of possessions in the circle so he lots shit now. also he’s just a material little shit.

34.Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)He doesn’t care about other people’s privacy pretty much at all and loves getting into people’s shit but he’s VERY intense about his own privacy. He’s deeply protective of himself and his things and privacy. So he’s a wildly hypocritical guy.36.What makes them feel guilty?Not fucking much. He occasionally feels bad about how he’s treated someone but it’s not often and he’d never say it out loud. just kinda adds it to the pile of fuel for self-loathing.38.Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

He’d be a Type A if it weren’t how his life has gone so I guess he’s like, a burnout Type A. 

[marveloussupernerd]

Hi, I’d like both a Mysme and Danganronpa matchup! Bi nonbinary INFP. I don’t talk a lot because I don’t know how to hold conversations well. I like to text instead because that way I don’t stumble over my words. Around strangers I mind my manners, but with friends I’m sarcastic and I also sort of playfully insult them to show affection (ex: you’re a loser but i love you). I need a lot of alone time. Hobbies include video games, drawing, taking care of animals, hiking and exploring places.

Hi love!! I keep writing this and then getting distracted and it deletes it so I’d like to think this time it’ll be even more Well-thought out! If you want a DR character from a different game let me know! I know people are very opinionated about DR characters.

Mystic Messenger

I ship you with Zen!

Zen is very outgoing and friendly

He tries to take baby steps to help you compose your words so you aren’t so nervous with public interaction

Starts out with writing a script of a casual conversation for you two to go through

He can never do things the normal/easy way

Teaches you how to improv so that you can work on conversation topics

Have you work on talking with Yoosung because Yoosung is so sweet and unproblematic

You’re not even worried around him

Eventually you worn your way up to the RFA as a group

Zen admits that he likes talking in groups better because then he doesn’t have to listen or talk the whole time

He especially drowns out the conversation when Jumin is talking

The RFA is so encouraging and friendly

You can pretty much hold your own but prefer when you’re with your friends

If you don’t feel like going to an after party after his shows, he’ll just skip it

Doesn’t want to put you in an awkward situation

He would rather spend one on one time relaxing with you honestly

Texts you almost every second of the day

Even when you’re in the same room

“I like seeing you smile :)”

You look up at him and make a stupid face just to make him laugh

When he’s not around, he messages you every fifteen minutes to see if you’ve eaten, how you’re doing

It’s nice to know how much he cares

Romantic messages on the hour when he’s out practicing

He doesn’t mind you poking fun at him as long as it’s not about his appearance

He’s very vulnerable when he tells you that he’s narcissistic about his looks because his mom always brought him down based on his looks

“I would never insult you on your looks Zen, you’re so handsome”

Makes him smile

He doesn’t mind when you tease him about his empty fridge, singing in the shower, hogging the bed while he’s sleeping, etc

Encourages you to tease Jumin

Really wants to adopt a dog with you

Begs you to adopt a golden retriever

She’s the light of your life!!!

You go on hikes w her all the time

He doesn’t let you hike alone because it makes him worry

But he does like going with you so that he knows he can keep you safe

Plus exercise

You’ve hiked all the trails nearby

Your dog sleeps with y’all bc

It be like that you can’t deny her that

He cuddles with you and reads over his script while you play video games

Tries to play video games with you but he’s. So. Bad.

He’s only good at Minecraft. And even at that, he just likes to build fancy houses

He screams if he sees a monster and makes you kill it

Likes it when you offer to read through his lines w him

Especially if you read for his love interest

You usually have a passionate night after that ;)

When he performs at his shows, he likes to deliver his romantic monologues while looking at you

Just a nice way to make sure you know you’re the only one for him :)

Danganronpa

I ship you with Kazuici Soda!

He always stumbles over his words too

Or says something inappropriate for the conversation at hand

So you’re not alone

It honestly makes him feel better that you aren’t necessarily good with words either

He prefers texting people too

Sometimes he’d rather text you instead of talking to you just to make sure he doesn’t say anything stupid

Or offensive

He doesn’t really have a filter

But you reassure him that you don’t really care what he says

You like when he’s cute and over the line and awkward

Thinks it’s funny when you fake-roast him

He plays along, complimenting you in turn

“You’re a loser but I love you”

“But I’m a winner because I have you”

How does he talk so poorly around people but is so good at these comebacks

Doesn’t mind giving you some alone time

I mean he’d like spending all day with you but he gets that that’s not reasonable

When you wanna be alone he goes out and works on new projects, no big deal at all!

He likes to make you little things

Robot puppy that follows you around

Uh but he messed it up along the way and it runs into walls a lot

But it’s cute

LOVES to play video games with you

He will game all night with you if you don’t have anything going on in the morning

Likes wrapping his arms around you while you guys play

Will bump you if you’re winning in a game and he’s feeling cheeky

He’s a sore loser

Demands a rematch

Another reason you end out playing all night

Kinda maybe wants you to draw him

He tries to draw you

But like he only can draw bad blueprints but the effort is there

The fridge is littered with both of your drawings

Exploring places!

Did you mean AN ABANDONED MALL!?

probably not

But he’s always wanted to explore abandoned places and the second you say you’re interested in that sort of thing he drags you along

Kinda scared that other people will be there

Uhhhh he’ll fight people if he has to but he kinda doesn’t want to

Luckily it’s a very chill trip !!

He takes lots of pics of the two of you for his phone wallpaper :)

Just so ppl can be shocked when they find out he’s dating someone

Literally his eyes light up when he talks about you

He’s waiting for somebody to mention you just so he can talk about you

Heart eyes

[survivorwakea]

Episode 4: “WHO MADE THE FUCKING ALLIANCE?” -Chloe

We just won another challenge here on Huamea which is lit. I think we are going to swap soon, but if not and we go to tribal with this tribe I think I’ll be fine. I’m still set up with randy Elmo and Ian well, and I think we could successfully target Joey if needed

Well another sit out for me but I’d say it was a good decision. We got 1st place and I don’t think I would have been the most helpful in this one. Really appreciate my tribe mates for coming through tho. Now I’m just wondering if there is going to be a swap. If there isn’t then we have to sit out three people on the tribe. Aka sitting out pretty much everyone who did the last one. As per usual, I’m very busy this week. Hoping I can find enough time to help in the challenge so that we can win or at least not come in last. I still have no alliances...but I think that’s okay for now. I think I’m in a good place with Jared and Elmo. We had each other’s backs if we went to tribal after the music video but we didn’t have to go. Joey also told me before results that he wouldn’t vote for me if we lost. Hoping that these promises or positive thoughts will continue farther into the game. At least until we get to jury. I also want to publicly own up to the fact that I still don’t know how the idol system works and I just don’t have the energy for it. So I’m just gonna pretend it doesn’t exist. Yep. That’ll do.

I was going to do a video confessional, but I high key got lazy and dont have too much to say

we won again which is great. I truly do feel like I kinda carried the team in a challenge I wasn't that great at, but it was really an all around effort and I'm glad we stayed.

I really do think I am in everybody's top 1-2 on this tribe except for the potential of Zack as well, but I like him a lot so I wouldn't want to see him go.

Nothing makes me want to win like when I have a tribe full of people I genuinely like. If I can help it, i really want to get to the merge without having lost another challenge due to my lost vote that I still haven't had to use yet, so I need those to be as spread a part as possible, and I don't want people to suspect me

those are kinda my only thoughts for now. hoping we don't swap until 14 and we get another round in these tribes, then a swap at 14 and merge at 12 (since my legacy advantage basically tells us we're merging at 12)

justin said he feels like a double might be happening sometime soon, but I'm not so sure about that just because of cullan getting expelled, and I feel the hosts would now elongate it a bit, but we'll see

im chillin for now

anna is ab to check confessionals and i can’t remember if i made one so this is my confessional.... johnny is rly nice to me and it scares me bc what if he is PLAYING ME.... and zack is also rly nice to me and that scares me TOO.... justin don’t fuckin talk to me and bodhi and asya barely do..... u know what 15th looks kinda cute rn bc i think that’s my destiny..... we floppin 🤪

Well, it’s still pretty quiet over at the Haumea camp. My tribemates kicked ass at the immunity challenge (sometimes, it pays to submit early), and I’m still getting along with everyone very well. I have suspicions that we could be switched up again next round, but hey, what do I know?

not much game development, im still attempting to keep my connections afloat in my tribe, i think ive now talked game with everyone and generally im in a rly good position, i dont wanna get too cocky bc that could lead to my downfall. I think that after this round we could potentially swap again to 2 tribes of 8. That would be kinda wild and I'm here for it

sry for a short one

I don't know if I should be sad, disappointed, angry, or all of the above. Losing this challenge was rough, and it's pretty evident the majority of the effort came from Adam, next would be myself. Clohie and Tom put little to no effort in the challenge. As stated before Tom's approach to the game has been pretty lackadaisical. He has hardly put any effort into not only the challenges but just his day to day interactions with the castaways. When I wanted to form the alliance with him and Clohie, he didn't relay the information to Clohie. And when Clohie indirectly asked him he didn't even acknowledge the possible alliance then either. I guess what I'm saying is...I want Tom out! Since this swap I have had my best relationship in Clohie, I like Adam, but I can tell he's a smart guy...so I'll keep him at a distance for now. I really do want to try and get Tom out though as a test of Clohie's loyalty to see if she would vote out one of her own. I think I have put myself in the situation where everyone feels comfortable with me moving forward, so I don't foresee my name being written down but I could be wrong, it is Survivor after all. I'm assuming we're coming to another swap, I just hope I'll have allies going into it, and if not allies, challenge beasts please. 3 out of 4 tribals isn't a good look😬 And can we talk about the idol system, all I have to say is: I HATE ALL OF YOU (to whoever helped put it together) G'Day.

Haha idk what the fuck is happening right now. So Tom can go and talk about our alliance with Taylor, with Adam. But still hasn’t mentioned it to me? Ok 🙃 I could easily vote Tom out here but idk I feel like he’s loyal? Maybe?? But then again I know him more than Adam and Taylor and that’s maybe why I wanna keep him even if I know he’s probably trying to fuck me over rn

hiii! this round went so quick?? idk it just zoomed by in my opinion haha. listen.. we won immunity and i’m grateful. another week safe with my idol so i’m just getting closer and closer to merge. i’m hoping for a swap soon and i’m expecting it. i would love if me elmo and justin got on a tribe together that way we can start to actualllllly work together and show eachother our trust that way once merge comes we can just kill it! not much happened this round but i’m just feeling grateful and wanted to let you all know! y’all are great host and i’m having so much fun. Xoxo

Heading into this next challenge, I feel great. I have a tight bond with Jared, Lily and I just so happen to be in the same friend group chat, and have been talking alot, Elmo is awesome, but the two that worry me are Ian and Ben. Ben and I haven’t talked much, and once again, Ian is preventing me from trying to build a bond by just building a ridiculous wall up. Maybe he isnt cut out for these games tbh.

Well it's either Adam or Taylor. Chloe wants Taylor to stay. I don't really care who stays xD I'm probably gonna random.org this vote, I do not know to if I want Adam or Taylor here. Plus that random ass alliance chat doesn't help

tribe assessment:

jared - out of everyone i get probably the most loyal vibes from him, idk what it is. he's rly genuine whenever i talk to him. i think the fact that we played a game like over 3 years ago means a lot to him. i wouldnt be v shook if he somehow schemed against me at some point at early-mid merge or something. right now i think he wants to work with me for the long term

ben - ive been talking to him a lot from the beginning. i think that he's with me for now, i for sure think that he's going to make a move on me later on though, im not sure when but for now i trust him and i think i can work with him. I think if numbers r close at the merge he'd want to side w me. I'm not sure how well connected he is. I like talking to him but he works a lot (what a king tbh) so that probs hinders his ability talk a lot

lily - she is not the most active, which is sad because she is a kickass player. If she gets too far in this game, that could potentially be a problem, if we are not working closely together that is. She's EXTREMELY loyal and i think that if i keep talkin to her, she'd want to work with me for the long term. Potentially I think that she should be in my end game but obvs its way too early to say that

ian - he is one of the more quieter ppl but the more u talk to him, the more u get out of him and I'm starting to notice that. I think that we have a pretty solid connection over all and I rly like talking to him! he is p different than I am so that gives me good perspective. game wise, i havent had a lot of discussions with him yet but im working on it a lot bc i think he could be someone i have potential with

joey - hes nice. he doesnt talk a lot which is kinda weird. he said that he has my back but im not sure if he said that out of keeping himself away from my radar or if he actually meant it. I am not really sure? I wouldn't be very surprised if Jared hinted to him that I could potentially be lookin to vote him out. I think that there is POTENTIAL of me working with him but i think if i had to choose someone who i'd want to vote out, it would probably be him.

i could be totally oblivious about my situation but i genuinely think that im in a v strong position in this tribe. I believe i have potential (i think) to work with everyone on our tribe which i really like.  This is all based on intuition though so i could be TOTALLY Wrong. The fact that we never lost just means that I have no solid proof or claims. Only my own perceptions. Idw be cocky in this game, it has been my downfall before. I want to be in a mindset that people are against me.I thrive when I'm under pressure. I kinda wished that we went to at least one tribal just to see how everyone here was game wise. Oh well!!

if i was going to be the boot on our tribe i look like a total clown rn.

Besides the fact that I’m leaving tonight, yeah not much is going on! I’m so disappointed that this is how my game is coming to an end. I’m at a loss of words so I’m sorry if you want more I just don’t have it in me

i’m.... goin thru a lot of emotions. for no reason. idk

at the last tribal council the person who i was least happy to be cast with was voted out so that was one less thing to worry about. then we won immunity. which is nice. but also i get lazy premerge when we keep winning immunity. it doesn’t help that my social battery is currently at %10 and i have a broken charger. but. oh well.

i have to play in the next immunity and idk. if there’s only 3 of us competing and two of them are me and justin then maybe we really Will be going to tribal next round who knows.

also i’m really bad at idol hunting. i didn’t give enough birth. the lizard goddess has no interest in making an appointment w me. i killed myself one time and got nothing for my troubles. i feel like something’s definitely been found by now, aside from johnny’s legacy advantage. idk it’s feelin a little bleak bc i figured my best shot at finding an idol would be premerge and i know we still have a ways to go probably but if the idols are found then that’s it on that.

This is literally going to be the most gut wrenching vote. Clohie and Tom will not budge, or even fathom the idea of voting out the other. I'm under the impression they want Adam out, but I'm also afraid of the possibility of a vote against me....so I have to contemplate if it's smarter to tie the vote 2-2 first and then vote out Adam, or to just trust that they are in fact voting Adam. Something else I'm praying on if I survive this round, is for a swap. Because without one, I'll be on the bottom of the 3 with Clohie and Tom obvi sticking together since their original Kanaloa. And our challenge record is not the best. Adam is probably our strongest challenge performer so that's another reason I'd hate to see him go. Tom and Clohie are just so mysterious and vague, and Adam has been nothing but upfront with me. Ugh, just the thought of a tie vote or drawing rocks makes me so sick...I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

This has been the most stressful vote I have had to deal with, EVER. Taylor is a snake but Chloe wants to keep him and I get better vibes from Adam. I am considering doing a 2-2 if Chloe votes Adam and if it goes to rocks, so be it.

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week4/s-94KbM

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Taylor is voted out 3-1.