#and also i love capitalism so jot that down

[blueminuet]

What I learned from being unemployed at the beginning of this year that I hope to re-employ now is:

Even the 'woke' jobs don't want an upfront they/them, you gotta surprise them with it in interview 2 or later, when the sunk cost fallacy outweighs their innate distrust of pronouns.

All the jobs I got interviews for last time were the ones where I barely read the job description and sent out my generic CL and resume. No more bespoke cover letters, you get your company name copy+pasted in there and I move on with my day.

Related to the above, QUANTITY OVER QUALITY. They're not gonna spend more than 30 seconds reviewing my CL+Resume, so I'm not gonna spend more than 5 minutes applying. If I have to THINK about your job app process, I will not be applying.

Every last one of these fuckass jobs is going to use some shitty LLM to screen resumes and have a shitty hit rate that does all that shit you always hear about, like the fucking creator of a programing language being deemed unqualified for a job writing in that language, so you know what? I'm done. The new job search method is spray and pray, baby.

"Please read our job descriptions carefully to not waste the time of our HR staff." Fuck OFF, stop sending my resume through the mediocrity machine to deny me, and maybe I will give more of a shit.

[redroomreflections]

Hotel California | Track 5: Heartbeat Havoc

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha Romanoff, frontwoman of the punk rock band Velvet Rebellion, falls hard for a woman she believes is too good for her. Their intense relationship unfolds in the chaotic world of rock 'n' roll, where they struggle to balance fame, personal demons, and their undeniable passion for each other.

W/c: 6.3k

Chapter 5/12

Masterlist | General Masterlist

Note: it's only up from here

18+ Minors DNI (mature)

Themes: love, fame, sex, drugs

"So, the release went well, but now we need to capitalize on the momentum. What we don't want is for you to disappear after the premiere," You leaned back into your chair, twirling a pen between your fingers as you spoke on the call. Your tone was confident but measured, ensuring there wasn't too much enthusiasm. You knew your client well enough to know this was a serious conversation.

Tanya Lawrence, an early twenties actress who had just starred in a blockbuster film, was on speaker, along with her agent and manager. You were coming up with a game plan to keep her in the spotlight and sustain the momentum—not only to continue promoting the film but to elevate Tanya herself.

Tanya's voice was thoughtful as she replied, “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that. But I don’t want to do the same press rounds everyone else does. I mean, how many times can you sit on a couch and tell the same story?”

You smiled, fully expecting her reluctance. Tanya was always searching for something fresh. It was part of what made her appealing, but also part of the challenge of keeping her relevant without overexposing her.

"I hear you," You said, jotting down a note on your tablet. "The late-night circuit can get a bit tired, but we still need to keep you visible. How about this: we skip the talk shows and go for an exclusive feature with Vogue or Elle? We’ll craft a personal story—something deeper than just promoting the film. We’ll show your evolution from indie darling to blockbuster star. It’s more narrative-driven, more you."

There was a pause, then her manager chimed in, his voice skeptical but intrigued. “How personal are we talking?”

“Not too much," You assured him. "We’re not looking to dig into her private life—just enough to give the audience something to connect with. We’ll focus on her as an actress and philanthropist. Maybe highlight her charity work? The key is controlling the narrative.”

Tanya's voice came through, warmer now. “I love that idea. I’ve been wanting to talk more about the foundation. If we can connect that, it would feel real, not like I’m just selling myself.”

You nodded, already sketching out the potential angles. "Exactly. And we can play it across platforms—get some behind-the-scenes content on social media to drive engagement, maybe even a short Instagram series showing a day in your life. That way, you’re not just doing the standard PR push but building a brand around authenticity.”

The enthusiasm on the other end was palpable now. Tanya's agent was already chiming in with ideas on how to expand the campaign, and her manager was starting to see the vision.

"You’ve always got the best ideas," Tanya said, and you could hear the smile in her voice.

You chuckled. "That’s why you keep me around."

The call wrapped up, and you took a moment to breathe. Another client managed, another fire successfully put out. You were in the zone—this was what you were good at. A notification lit up the screen as you closed your notebook and checked your phone.

"Is Love in the Air? Natasha Romanoff Seen Leaving Concert with New Flame"

Your stomach did a little flip. The photo was grainy and interesting for today’s time, but you knew it was the two of you leaving the concert venue last weekend. It hadn’t taken long for people to start talking, and you weren’t sure how you felt about it all. You tried not to think about the sudden influx of followers you’d gotten or the interest of every possible gossip rag in suddenly taking a deep dive into your life.

As a publicist, you were no stranger to media frenzy, but it was different when you were the story. You’d spent years helping clients navigate this kind of attention, knowing exactly how to spin, deflect, and maintain privacy. But now, as the headlines circled you and Natasha, it felt oddly invasive.

You sighed, locking your phone and rubbing your temples. This wasn’t exactly how you imagined things going with Natasha. A quiet fling, maybe, or just a few months of fun before things inevitably fizzled. But the way her hand had lingered on yours that night, the way she looked at you when she thought no one was watching—something about it felt more... real. And now, the world was catching on.

Focus, y/n, you told yourself, pushing the thought aside. You weren’t going to let this derail your work. Natasha had dealt with the media for years—she could handle it. The question was, could you?

Your office door creaked open, and Monica strolled in, her usual swagger in every step. She leaned casually against the doorframe, crossing her arms with an amused smile.

“You see the headlines?” She asked, eyes twinkling with mischief.

You shot her a look, already knowing where this was headed. “You mean the ones making me sound like some groupie?”

Monica laughed, moving to sit across from you. “Please, Natasha Romanoff’s mystery woman has a much better ring to it. Plus, who says groupies can’t be successful?”

You rolled your eyes, but a smile tugged at your lips. “I didn’t ask for this attention, Mon.”

“You’re dating a rockstar. What did you expect?” she teased before her tone softened. “But for real, how are you feeling about it?”

You hesitated, twirling the pen in your fingers, not quite sure how to put it into words. “It’s... strange. I’ve always kept my private life private, you know? And now I’m on the front page, just because I went on a date.”

Monica nodded, her expression shifting to something more serious. “It’s a lot. But you’re the queen of handling this kind of thing. You’ve dealt with bigger fires. And Natasha... well, she’s used to it.”

You sighed, leaning back in your chair. “Yeah, but this feels different. It’s one thing to be in control of someone else’s narrative, but when it’s you...”

Monica tilted her head, studying you. “You really like her, don’t you?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the question. You hadn’t even allowed yourself to fully consider that yet. Did you? The two of you were just getting to know each other. It wasn’t supposed to be serious. But the way you smiled at the thought of her, the way your stomach fluttered when her name popped up on your phone—it was all too familiar.

“I don’t know,” you admitted quietly. “It’s moving fast.”

“You fucked didn’t you?” Monica began to grin.

Your eyes widened. “Jesus, Monica." You cursed. You looked back to your office door, the one she'd decided to leave open, and then back to her. She folded her arms knowingly and you sighed.

"Maybe?" You responded with a smirk. "Or... several times? I lost count that night."

"Oh my god!" Monica cackled. "I knew it. I'm so proud of you."

"Proud shouldn't be the word used for that," You shook your head. "Oh, and Sam decided to bring Isabella home early the next morning so they met each other much sooner than I expected. She also introduced herself as my girlfriend."

"Ooh, and how did Sam react?" Monica knew your ex-husband just as well as she knew you.

"He was shocked but also not shocked." You begin. "I just hoped it wasn't something that made Natasha question what we have going on. I mean anyone would be threatened to have the ex just casually standing in the living room."

"Nah, the woman is head over heels," Monica assured. "Besides, Sam's a good guy, and he's not a possessive ex. So, back to the importance, was she good?"

You couldn't help but smirk. "Yes, she was very good."

Monica smiled, nodding approvingly. "Good. Well, I'm happy for you. It's been a while since you've had some good sex, and even longer since you've had a good woman."

"Somehow you and my daughter are the same person just in different fonts," You mused at her words. "You have no idea how much Bella asked about her."

"What can I say, we both have good taste," Monica smiled. "Anyway, back to work. I'll let you enjoy your celebrity-adjacent status. It’s interesting really how you’ve managed to stay so lowkey. I mean Sam is famous, your parents are famous…”

You chuckled. "It's a blessing and a curse. You can't blame them for being overprotective though. They just wanted to protect their daughter and granddaughter from the limelight. It's why I stayed off the radar."

Before she could question it further, there was a slight knock at the door. An unassuming man with a delivery hat and a gorgeous bouquet caught your attention.

"Are you, Y/n?" He asked.

"Yes," You replied, a little surprised. You watched as the man set the vase down, signed for the delivery, and thanked him. Monica watched in interest.

"What's that for?" Monica asked.

"I have no idea," You replied, a little puzzled. You plucked the card from the bouquet and unfolded it, curious. As your eyes skimmed the neat handwriting, your heart skipped a beat.

“Just in case you needed a little brightness in your day. My time with you was amazing, being with you makes everything even better. — N”

You couldn’t help the smile that tugged at your lips, warmth spreading through your chest. Natasha had a way of being sweet without overdoing it—something that caught you off guard every time.

Monica raised an eyebrow, leaning over to get a glimpse of the card. “Ohhh, so the rockstar is a romantic.”

You laughed softly, tucking the card back into the bouquet. “Apparently. She’s full of surprises.”

Monica grinned, leaning back in her chair. “Girl, you’ve got it bad.”

You tried to ignore the flush that crept up your neck, your eyes drifting back to the bouquet on your desk. Maybe you did.

**********

Natasha wiped the sweat from her forehead, adjusting her grip on the barbell before settling into her seat. The gym was practically empty, just the way she liked it. Wanda was a few feet away, doing leg presses with ease while music pulsed through the space, the rhythm of the beats syncing with the steady clank of weights hitting the floor. Just as Natasha was about to dive into her next rep, her phone buzzed on the bench beside her. She hesitated for a second, but the moment she saw your name flash across the screen, she abandoned the barbell with zero hesitation.

Y/N: Thank you for the flowers 🌸 They’re almost as beautiful as the woman who sent them. Almost.

Natasha smirked as she leaned against the bench, typing back with one hand while the other still held onto the towel slung around her neck.

Natasha: Almost? I must be slipping. I’ll have to step up my game. 😏

She hit send, already imagining the soft laugh she knew you would give at the response. She wasn’t usually one for the whole romantic gesture thing, but with you, it felt... right. You were different, and Natasha could feel herself getting pulled deeper into this thing between you.

Wanda finished her set and glanced over, eyebrow arched as she caught Natasha mid-text. “You’re supposed to be working out, not flirting,” Wanda teased, giving her a knowing look.

Natasha didn’t bother hiding her smile. “Can’t help it. It’s... motivation.”

Wanda chuckled, moving to grab her water bottle. “Yeah? Motivation or distraction?”

Natasha shrugged, her eyes flicking back to her phone as it buzzed again.

Y/n: If this is you slipping, I can’t wait to see you in top form. Maybe tonight?

Natasha’s breath hitched slightly at the invitation, her mind already racing ahead to the possibilities of your date later. She glanced over at Wanda, who was watching her with mild amusement.

Natasha: Tonight, then. I’ll pick you up. Get ready to be impressed. 😉

Wanda raised an eyebrow as she stretched her arms. “You’re really into her, huh?”

Natasha paused, glancing at her friend before nodding. “Yeah, I think I am.”

Wanda smiled, something in her expression softening. She knew how guarded Natasha could be when it came to dating, so it was a relief to see her opening up again.

"Good," Wanda said simply. "I think you two look cute together. She's a breath of fresh air."

"Yeah," Natasha agreed. "She's different."

Wanda's smile grew wider. "You're different with her."

"Different how? I mean you've only seen us together once," Natasha wiped her brow again.

"Just different, a good different. You've got that glow that you used to have when you and Carol were first starting." Wanda pointed out. "You know before shit hit the fan."

"Hmm, maybe. We'll see." Natasha took a swig from her water bottle. "She's cool. She's secure in herself which is a pretty huge deal. It doesn't come across as cocky or anything."

"That's important. Especially in our field." Wanda nodded.

Natasha smiled to herself as she thought about the last time you’d kissed her goodbye. Your lips had tasted like mint toothpaste, your hands gentle and warm against her skin. It was such a simple thing—just a goodbye kiss—but it had stayed with her all day. She couldn’t wait to spend more time with you tonight.

"Well, I’m happy for you," Wanda said, breaking Natasha from her thoughts.

"Thanks," Natasha replied, feeling her cheeks warm as she thought about you again. "I'm... happy too."

It was true. Happy wasn’t a word Natasha often used to describe herself when it came to relationships. Her past romances had always been complicated, intense, and full of drama. It was almost a given that things would eventually blow up—whether it was her fault or the other person’s. But with you? It felt different.

She wanted it to be distinguishable.

For once, Natasha didn’t want a relationship that was marked by chaos or suffocating intensity. She didn’t want someone who would cling to her or become overly dependent, and she didn’t want to lose herself in someone else’s need for attention or validation. She’d been there before—too many times—and it always ended with someone getting hurt, usually her.

But with you, it felt like things could be... simple. Easy, even.

You weren’t trying to force your way into her life or demand all her time. You didn’t seem interested in changing her, and you weren’t fazed by her fame or reputation. If anything, you were the one who kept a distance from the spotlight, which Natasha found both refreshing and grounding. She liked that you had your own life, your own career, and your daughter to focus on. You didn’t need her to complete you.

That’s what Natasha craved—someone who wanted her but didn’t need her in the way that had always made her feel trapped before. She wanted love, yes, but not the kind that suffocated. She just wanted something real, something healthy. She wanted to feel safe and comfortable, the way she already did with you.

For the first time in a long time, Natasha felt like this could work. It was early, sure, but she couldn’t help but hope that maybe this time things would be different. Maybe this time she wouldn’t screw it up.

She glanced at her phone again, re-reading your last message. Her heart did that annoying little flip it had been doing more often these days, and she chuckled to herself.

***********

You stood in front of the mirror, staring at the dress you’d just slipped into, second-guessing yourself for what felt like the tenth time in an hour. It was a deep burgundy, with a flattering neckline, but was it too much? You tugged at the hem, frowning.

“I don’t know about this one,” You muttered, glancing over your shoulder at Monica and Isabella, who were both sitting on your bed, staring at you with varying levels of judgment.

Monica leaned back against the headboard, arms crossed. "It’s cute, but it feels a little... formal."

"Yeah, Mom," Isabella added, making a face. "It’s like you’re going to a wedding."

You sighed dramatically, turning back to the mirror. "Why is this so hard?" you grumbled, tossing your hair over your shoulder. "It’s just a date."

Isabella giggled, swinging her legs back and forth. "Not just any date. It’s Natasha Romanoff!"

Monica snorted. "Right? Rockstar extraordinaire."

You rolled your eyes, walking over to the closet and grabbing another dress off the hanger. "She’s just... Natasha," you said, trying to sound casual, but the butterflies in your stomach betrayed you. The truth was, Natasha wasn’t just any date. She had a way of making you feel both grounded and completely out of control, and that was terrifying.

Monica raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at her lips. "Uh-huh. Keep telling yourself that."

You tossed the burgundy dress on the bed and slipped into a simpler black one. “Okay, how about this?” you asked, turning to face them again.

Isabella tilted her head, considering it. “Better,” she said. “But... kind of boring.”

Monica nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it’s cute, but you can do better. You’re going on a date with a rockstar, not attending a PTA meeting."

You huffed, pulling the dress off and tossing it aside, feeling a mix of frustration and nervous energy. "I just... want to look good," you admitted. "Not too overdressed, not too underdressed. Just right."

Monica smiled gently, getting up from the bed and walking over to your closet. "You’re overthinking it," she said, flipping through the hangers. "Natasha likes you, right? So whatever you wear, she’s going to think you look great."

You sighed, sitting down on the bed next to Isabella, who leaned against you, her little arm wrapping around your waist. "You think so?"

"Definitely!" Isabella chirped. "Plus, you always look pretty, Mama."

You kissed the top of her head. "Thanks, baby."

Monica finally pulled out a deep green two-piece pantsuit, simple but elegant, with just the right amount of edge. "What about this one?" she asked, holding it up.

You stared at it for a moment, then nodded slowly. "Yeah... I like that one."

Monica tossed it over to you with a grin. "Perfect. Now go get ready so I can get the scoop later."

You laughed, slipping into the outfit and smoothing the top down over your belly. "You’re not getting any scoop."

"We’ll see about that," Monica teased, winking at Isabella, who giggled.

As you slipped on a pair of heels and checked your reflection one last time, Isabella tugged at your hand. “Mom?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

"Do you like Natasha?" she asked, her voice innocent but curious. "Like... like like her?"

You paused, looking down at your daughter’s wide eyes. Monica raised an eyebrow, waiting for your response. It was a fair question, and one you’d been asking yourself a lot lately.

"I do," You finally said, feeling a little nervous saying it out loud. "I really do."

Isabella smiled. "Good. I think she likes you too."

You chuckled, smoothing a hand over her hair. "Yeah? You think so?"

Isabella nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! I saw the way she looked at you when she came over last time. She was smiling a lot."

Monica smirked from the corner of the room. "Out of the mouths of babes..."

You laughed, trying to ignore the way your heart fluttered at Isabella's words. Was it possible Natasha was already falling for you too?

A knock on the door made you jump, and Isabella squealed, running towards the door. "She's here!"

You took a deep breath, smoothing the front of your shirt and trying to calm your nerves. "Tell her I'll be right there."You called after her.

Isabella was more than happy to answer the door for Natasha. She swung it open with gusto, Bear hot on her tail, as she greeted the woman.

"Hey," Natasha said with a big smile.

"Hi, Natasha," Isabella said with a toothy grin. "Mama's almost ready. You can come in." She leads Natasha over to the living room and sits across from her on the couch. "Before she comes out I want to ask you a few questions."

Natasha was taken aback in an amused sort of way. "Questions?"

"Yup," Isabella said, a serious look on her face. "If my mom makes you mad, are you gonna write a mean song about her?"

Natasha had to hold back her laughter. She loved Isabella's forwardness and honesty. It was refreshing. "No. I don't write songs about people I care about. Plus, I'm not sure your mom could ever make me mad."

"She has her moments," Isabella shrugged. "Another question, Why do you like my mom? Not just for her body or her money or anything. I've been reading a lot of old school magazines lately and I have all of the information."

Natasha bit her lip and cleared her throat. "Uh, well, your mom is very kind and sweet. She's smart, and she has a really good sense of humor."

"And you're not using her for money?"

"Of course not."

Isabella seemed satisfied with her answers. She nodded. "Okay. Good. I like you, Natasha."

"Thanks, kiddo. I like you, too," Natasha chuckled.

"Do you think I could score backstage tickets to your next concert? I promise I'll behave."

"Isabella..."

Isabella rolled her eyes at your stern tone as you rounded the corner. "Fine." She sighed.

"Hey," You said softly, walking up to the pair, a small smile on your lips.

"Wow." Natasha breathed, taking in the sight of you. You looked incredible. "You look... good."

"Thank you so do you," You leaned into her embrace when she stood to kiss you on the cheek. You subtly glanced at her outfit, glad that you'd picked your casual one too. Natasa's dark denim jacket draped effortlessly over a loose white t-shirt. She wore Black skinny jeans, slightly distressed at the knees, and hugged her legs, giving her a subtle edge without trying too hard. Clean white sneakers grounded her look. A simple silver chain glinted at her collarbone, and her hair fell in tousled waves around her face, giving the impression that she hadn’t overthought any of it—yet still managed to look effortlessly striking.

"Thank you," Natasha said.

"You're welcome," You hummed as you pulled back from the hug, the scent of her perfume filling your nose.

"Okay, we'll be fine, Mama." Isabella gave a thumbs up. "Go have fun. Don't stay out too late."

You laughed. "We'll try not to," you promised. "And no ice cream past ten, okay?"

"Okay," Isabella rolled her eyes.

"Don't forget Bear's walk," you added.

"Mama," Isabella whined. "We got this. Go!"

"Alright, alright," You chuckled, turning to Natasha. "Ready?"

"Lead the way," Natasha smiled.

"Have a good time, ladies!" Monica called as the two of you made your way out the door.

Natasha held your hand as the two of you walked to the car, her fingers rubbing your knuckles soothingly.

"So where are we going?" You asked, glancing over at her.

Natasha grinned, squeezing your hand. "It's a surprise."

"Oh, a surprise?"

"Yup," She said. "Wait," She said just before opening the door. You turned to face her questioningly. She leaned forward, pressing her lips gently against yours.

Your heart skipped a beat at the unexpected move, and you let yourself sink into the kiss, savoring the way her lips felt against yours. It was soft and sweet.

"I figured you wouldn't want to do that in front of your daughter," Natasha mumbled awkwardly.

You laughed, resting your hands on her shoulders and pecking her lips again. "That was very thoughtful. Are you really not going to tell me where we are going?"

"I could tell you, but where's the fun in that?" She smiled, opening the car door and ushering you inside. As the car rolled down the busy streets, you found yourself stealing glances at Natasha. The way she carried herself, with a mix of confidence and ease, was enchanting. Her posture was relaxed but commanding, and even the simple act of driving seemed to radiate a kind of effortless cool.

The radio played a mix of tracks that Natasha had curated—a blend of classic rock and some modern hits that seamlessly complemented her edgy style. You could see the genuine enjoyment on her face as she sang along to the lyrics, her voice harmonizing effortlessly with the tunes. It was moments like these that made you appreciate the depth of her passion for music and the way it intertwined with every part of her life.

As the car pulled up to the restaurant, Natasha turned to you with a soft smile. "Hope you like this place. I've been wanting to check it out for a while."

You read the giant side on the outside of the building, The Cooking Institute.

"Cooking classes?" You guessed aloud. Natasha glanced over at you.

"I hope that's okay," She said quickly, suddenly a bit unsure of her plan. "I know it's a little unconventional, but I figured it could be fun. If not, we can just grab a drink somewhere or-"

"Natasha," You cut her off, resting a hand on her knee. "It's perfect."

Her shoulders relaxed, and she gave you a relieved smile. "Great. I'm glad."

You were soon ushered inside by an eager host, who led you to a spacious kitchen, equipped with every cooking appliance imaginable. You expected to see more guests inside of the space but instead only found an instructor.

"Welcome to Cooking Institute," The woman, who appeared to be in her mid-40s, greeted the two of you with a warm smile. "My name is Lisa. We're so excited to have you."

"Is this only for us?" You questioned Natasha.

"I rented it out for the night," She shrugged. "So, we could have some privacy."

You nodded, appreciating the gesture.

Lisa clapped her hands together. "Well, I'll let you two get settled and we can get started." She gave the pair of you a thumbs up and made her exit, leaving the two of you alone in the kitchen.

"So," You glanced over at Natasha. "What's the plan here?"

"Well," She grinned. "We're going to cook some food."

"Gee, I never would have guessed," You teased. "But what kind of food?"

Natasha's eyes twinkled with amusement. She leaned against the counter, her excitement barely contained as she outlined the evening’s menu. "Alright, here’s the plan," she said, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.

"We’re starting with a Classic Wedge Salad—simple, and something I can make with no problem." She paused, savoring the anticipation. "Next up, we’ve got Cheesy Potatoes Au Gratin." Natasha’s smile widened, clearly proud of the menu.

"And then," she continued, "we’re making Oscar-Style Beef Filet. It’s a bit fancy but worth it." She chuckled at the look of awe on your face, clearly pleased with herself. "So, ready to get cooking?"

You nodded, laughing. "This sounds amazing. Let's do it."

As the night progressed, the two of you quickly fell into a comfortable rhythm. It was easy, being around her, and the conversation flowed naturally. The host led you both to your designated cooking station, complete with all the utensils and ingredients needed for the evening’s menu. Natasha's eyes sparkled with anticipation as she glanced around, her enthusiasm contagious. You could see the genuine pleasure on her face, which made you smile even more.

"How do you like your steak?" You asked.

"Medium rare," She said.

You nodded. "Same. This looks so amazing. I can't wait to taste it."

"Me too," Natasha admitted, glancing over at you. "I love a good steak."

You smiled, shaking your head in amusement. "Of course you do."

"What?" She chuckled.

"Nothing," You said. "It's just... you're very cool, Natasha Romanoff."

She grinned, leaning closer to you. "Well, thank you. That's very sweet."

You bit your lip, feeling a blush creeping up your neck.

"See, blushing," Natasha said smugly.

You nudged her, trying to hide your grin. "Stop it."

She smiled, her eyes softening. "Never."

As the meal came together, you were surprised by how much fun you were having. It turned out your cooking ability was light years beyond Nataha's. Which wasn't that surprising. It's not like she had a child to cook for or anything.

"Nope. You've got it all wrong," You said, trying to keep a straight face.

"What?" Natasha looked at you, perplexed.

"The salt, Natasha," You chuckled. "You need a lot more salt."

"Are you sure?" Natasha looked down at her mashed potatoes.

"Yes, I'm sure," You replied, trying not to laugh. "You can't eat those."

"Aw," Natasha frowned.

"It's okay baby," You assured her, patting her shoulder. "I'm here to help."

Natasha grinned. "Okay, Chef."

You smiled, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. "You're cute."

"Thank you," Natasha said.

"Alright, enough messing around," You declared, picking up the wooden spoon. "Let's keep this going." As you both continued to cook, the kitchen became a lively space filled with laughter and playful banter. Natasha's attempts at seasoning and timing were endearing, though they often resulted in humorous mishaps. The contrast between her occasional culinary blunders and your surprisingly deft cooking skills became a running joke.

Often there were times you two forgot Lisa was even there, too wrapped up in each other to notice her. Finally, your meal was finished and you both sat in the dining area to enjoy it.

"Okay, I've got to admit, that was pretty amazing," Natasha said, sipping her wine.

You smiled, savoring the bite of tender beef. "It really was. Thanks for bringing me here."

"You're welcome," Natasha said. "I'm glad you liked it."

You looked up at her, your heart beating a little faster. She was looking at you with such fondness that it made your chest ache. "So, I figured we should get to know each other a little better."

"You mean we don't already know each other well?" She smirked, referring to your night together.

You blushed. "You know what I mean. I mean, the basic stuff. What's your favorite color? Your favorite movie? Things like that."

Natasha nodded, smiling softly. "Sure. My favorite color is blue."

"Like the ocean?" You asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "What about you?"

"Green," You answered. "Like the trees."

"Interesting," she murmured. "Movie?"

"I'm a big fan of romcoms," You confessed.

"Really?" Natasha asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah," You shrugged. "The Proposal. Anything with Sandra Bullock or Jennifer Lopez and I'm sold."

Natasha laughed. "Good to know."

"What about you?" You questioned.

"Well, I'm a sucker for anything with Ryan Gosling." She grinned.

"Good choice," You agreed.

"Favorite food?"

"Anything sweet," She winked.

"I can work with that," You chuckled.

"Favorite TV show?"

"That's a tough one," She paused, thinking. "House."

"Nice," You said.

"Favorite song?"

"Don't you already know?" She arched an eyebrow.

"Yes," You laughed. "But I want to hear you say it."

"Fine," She sighed dramatically. "The Scientist by Coldplay."

"You have a good taste," You mused.

"I think so," She said, winking at you.

"I like The Night We Met," You replied.

"Really?" Natasha asked.

"Yeah," You said. "It's a great song."

"It is," She agreed. "I just didn't think you had a real liking for that particular genre."

"I'm full of surprises," You wiggled your fingers.

Natasha took a sip of her wine. "Clearly."

"Okay, last one," You said. "Favorite band."

"The Beatles," She replied without hesitation.

"Nice," You said.

"They're classics," She shrugged. "Can't go wrong with them."

"That's true," You said. "I think I have a lot more to learn about you, Natasha Romanoff."

She smiled softly. "Same goes for you, Y/N, Y/L/N."

As the two of you finished dinner, the conversation shifted into a more relaxed tone.

"So," You said, leaning back in your seat. "What's next on the agenda?"

"That depends," Natasha replied. "Do you trust me?"

You grinned, your heart skipping a beat. "With my life."

"Well, then, let's get going."

As the night progressed, you found yourself growing more and more intrigued by Natasha. She was intelligent and witty and had a surprisingly dry sense of humor. Her eyes lit up when she spoke about the things she was passionate about, and it was clear she was truly a free spirit. You could see why she had risen to fame so quickly.

***************

The next stop was Echo Park’s Swan Boat line, the sight of the bustling park filled with families and couples enjoying the evening brought a smile to your face. The iconic swan boats bobbed gently on the water, their white feathers illuminated by the soft glow of park lights.

"This is beautiful," You breathed, taking in the sight.

"It is," Natasha agreed, slipping her hand into yours.

"You ready to get out there?" She asked, grinning.

"I'm a little nervous but I'll get over it," You held her hand. You joined the queue, the line stretching a bit as people chatted and waited for their turn on the boats. As you neared the front of the line, you noticed a group of teenagers in front of you. One of them, a lanky teen with a mop of curly hair, kept glancing back at Natasha with a mixture of curiosity and excitement. After a few moments, his eyes widened, and he nudged his friend, whispering loudly, “Hey, isn’t that Natasha Romanoff?”

Natasha caught their gaze and offered a friendly if slightly reserved, smile. She knew being recognized was part of her life, but she also valued moments like these where she could enjoy a quiet, semi-anonymous outing. There was a moment when both of them argued about who would talk to her before they made a choice.

The teen, gathering his courage, turned around and said with a shy grin, “Hi, um, I don’t mean to bother you, but are you Natasha Romanoff?”

Natasha chuckled softly, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “Guilty as charged. How are you doing tonight?”

The teen’s friends crowded closer, their excitement palpable. “We’re huge fans! This is so cool,” one of them exclaimed.

"Would you guys mind taking a picture with us?" Another asked, pulling out their phone.

Natasha's smile grew warmer. "Of course not. " She pulled you in close, wrapping an arm around your waist. You tried not to blush as the teens gathered around you, their phones held high.

"On the count of three, smile!" The first teen instructed. You obliged, smiling brightly as the phone flashed.

"Thank you so much," he gushed. "This is so awesome. My friends won't believe this."

Natasha grinned, giving them a wink.

"Are you guys on a date?" One of the teens, a girl with an oversized hoodie and glasses asked.

"Maybe," Natasha's eyes sparkled. "Or maybe it's just a casual hangout between friends."

You laughed, shaking your head. "I can tell you that I'm a fan of hers." You played along.

"Me too!" The girl squealed. "I'm your biggest fan, Ms. Romanoff."

"I'm flattered," Natasha chuckled. "Well, have a good night, everyone." She pulled you toward the front of the line as it was now your turn to ride.

"Thank you, Ms. Romanoff!" The girl called out. "This is the best night ever!"

"Any time," Natasha called back. You couldn't help but smile as the teens began animatedly talking amongst themselves.

"That was nice of you," You murmured.

Natasha's gaze softened. "They were sweet kids. Besides, I don't mind the occasional photo op. It's all part of the job. You ready?"

You looked at the small boat tethered to the dock, a mix of nervousness and excitement fluttering in your chest. "Is it safe?"

Natasha laughed softly. "It's perfectly safe. I promise."

With a deep breath, you nodded. "Alright, let’s do it."

You both climbed into the boat, Natasha taking the oars and maneuvering it gently away from the dock. As the boat drifted into the middle of the pond, the moonlight cast a soft glow over the water, creating a serene and almost magical atmosphere.

The gentle lapping of the water against the boat was soothing, and you glanced at Natasha, who was focused and confident as she rowed. After a few moments, she set the oars aside and leaned back, her gaze meeting yours.

"How are you holding up?" she asked, a teasing smile on her lips.

"Surprisingly well," you replied, your heart racing a little from the adventure. "This is actually kind of thrilling."

"I'm glad," Natasha grinned, reaching for your hand and squeezing it.

You gazed up at the night sky, admiring the twinkling stars and the bright moon. It was a beautiful night, and you were happy to be sharing it with her.

"I know this is a little cheesy," She started, her gaze turning soft. "But I've always loved the idea of a first date."

"I love a good first date," You chuckled. "I think you knocked it out of the park for sure." You said.

"I'm glad," She whispered. "I was hoping you'd like it."

You smiled, your chest tightening with emotion. You felt a connection with Natasha that you couldn't explain.

"So, my girlfriend..." You grinned, alluding to Natasha's introduction of herself to Sam.

"It has a nice ring to it," She laughed aloud. "I saw you fumbling and took the opportunity."

"Thank God for it," You shook your head. "I don't think I would have known what to say."

"You would have figured it out," She assured.

"Not fast enough," You replied. "I want you to be my girlfriend." You said with such confidence Natasha's head whipped over to you.

"Wait, really?" She asked. 

"Really," You nodded.

Natasha smiled, her cheeks flushed with pleasure.

"I was hoping you would," She replied.

"Well, consider me your girlfriend," You declared, feeling your stomach do flips.

Natasha's gaze met yours, and she leaned in, kissing you tenderly. The kiss was soft and sweet, filled with the promise of something more.

"Thank you," She whispered, her breath warm against your skin.

"You're welcome," You murmured, your heart pounding.

You sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, simply enjoying each other's presence.

"So," She finally spoke, her voice quiet. "Where do we go from here?"

"I guess we figure it out together," You replied, your gaze locked on hers.

"I can't wait," She said, her eyes shining.

---> next part

[starleska]

If you're still doing headcanon requests, what about a Wally x workaholic perfectionist?

Love your writing and whenever you have the time I'd love to see what you think of this :)

ahhh thank you sweet and precious anon!!! 🥰 oooh now this one is hitting home...i'm guessing you are a workaholic perfectionist yourself? you may have guessed from the outpouring of fanworks i've made both for Welcome Home in general that i also fit into this category 🙈 thank you for this cathartic writing opportunity!

Wally Darling x Workaholic, Perfectionist Reader headcanons

💖 it's your passion which draws Wally to you in the first place. an easy-going, less-thoughts-in-the-head-than-most sort of fellow, Wally prefers to take life at a leisurely pace - but all of that is thrown out of the window when he meets you. you're so full of verve, forever jotting down notes or scribbling sketches in your notebooks, or coming up with grand ideas for outings and events. in fact, when the two of you first meet Wally says very little at all: he's quite content to sit with his chin cradled in his palm, gazing whilst you infodump about your latest obsession and the countless related projects you're going to create. Wally feels that you're an unstoppable force, and he's an immovable object...but he's so excited to be in the presence of such a tour de force of enthusiasm 🔥

💖 however, Wally doesn't always understand why your work makes you so upset. Wally understands the concept of a job - after all, his good friend Howdy Pillar has a fantastic job, working at the bugdega! but the kind of work typical of the Neighbourhood is much less structured and capitalism-driven, and the laxness of this system gives you severe anxiety. Wally grows concerned when he notices you staying up later and later, hunched over your desk and crumpling up endless sheets of paper. when the darkness shifts into a burgeoning dawn, a fuzzy hand grips your wrist, stilling it against your desk. "You don't need to have one perfect idea," Wally says, picking up and uncrumpling one of your discarded sheets. "You just need to enjoy having ideas in the first place!"

💖 eventually, Wally realises that your perfectionistic, workaholic tendencies aren't going away - so he compromises. on more than one occasion when you've passed out on the couch surrounded by half-read books, you've awoken to find your shoulders draped with Wally's soft cardigan. but some days are so stressful that no amount of cosy fabric will calm you down. when days where you're driven to distraction and frazzled by tasks read their heads, Wally likes to play a game of his own invention: something he calls Puppet Time. if Wally senses you're about to have a breakdown, he will announce, "it's Puppet Time!" and launch himself right into your arms. once contact is established, Wally will go completely limp, meaning there's nothing you can do but drop whatever you're holding and grab Wally before he hits the ground. no matter how stressed you are, this never fails to make you burst into laughter, and you're always much more receptive to a rest afterwards. Wally will continue his boneless routine even as you swing him up over your shoulders, giving him a free ride to a different room for a well-deserved break ✨

haha, this was a seriously fun one!! i hope you know you deserve to rest when you need it, anon. take care 🥰

[yudrein-aile]

Keilusa giving Kishiar a hero welcome from the return to the west... reminded of that meta you wrote about him settings things up so that Kishi can be next emperor instead of Katchian...

I am vibrating out of my skin. Yes!!! Keilusa is SO setting Kishiar up for it. Like I’m still waiting for that one meta on Inella to properly jot down my thoughts but

Kishiar received the same education as Keilusa for at least the first decade of his life

It is commonly known that the Emperor dotes on his little brother

Kishiar went “I want to start a new military organization” and Keilusa was like “okay” and didn’t even fucking ask why and just have him supreme authority over all Awakeners (!!!) in the empire

Every time the Cavalry/Kishiar does something great Keilusa is like “we must celebrate this even tho I am dying”

Keilusa giving last names to everyone in the Cavalry who didn’t have them and bestowing the title of “Sir” on the Red Stone Retrieval gang

And a couple more things that would be spoilers for you so I’m not gonna put them under spoilers at the bottom!

But like yeah. Damn. Keilusa is really out here using every resource to make it clear to everyone that his baby brother is the most perfect candidate actually and they should endorse that. But yeah that’s actually also why I love Keilusa so much. Beyond the fact that I think his interactions with Yuder are also hilarious, my guy just really loves his family

The way they deal with the whole divine sword announcement

The point where Faria straight up says “yeah Keilusa has been trying to make him crown prince”

Chapter Thousand motherfucking thirty. Giving him a title of the first emperor. Formally re establishing his right to inherit. Granting him a residence in the capital,,,, Keilusa was SO smug and happy in that moment

[cod-sins]

😞 can you write a head cannon or whatever the hell thoses things are called about könig with a heavy metal/punk reader

.ೃ࿐ Format: Hcs.

.ೃ࿐ Reader: Undisclosed.

.ೃ࿐ Ratings: SFW.

.ೃ࿐ Word Count: 486.

[A/N: I sure can! I'm not into the punk or heavy metal scene but I do listen to the music and I'm aware of some of the beliefs in the punk subculture.]

I already stated that König would listen to nu metal/rock instrumentals so he wouldn't be caught off guard by the music you listen to. He thinks it's really cute if you show him songs that are sung in German.

If you were to ever make a CD playlist of your favorite songs it would make König fall even more in love with you (if that's possible). He would listen to it all the time while deployed or whenever he missed you.

König would love to trade band tees with you even if he can't fit your size. He would just wear them as crop tops and you would wear his as sleepwear.

He would 100% help you with your DIY clothing. He knows how to sew so he would sew patches into your crust pants or jacket. König would have so much fun with you at stores like Hobby Lobby or thrift stores just looking for stuff to accessorize you with. He would spend a lot of time carefully placing studs, pins, and spikes on your jacket trying to make sure it looks perfect for you.

He would also sew a little German/Austrian flag on your jacket, where your heart would be! He tells you that this way he'll always be with you even if he's physically gone. [:,)]

Please convince him to wear fishnets, he would look so good in them.

Very fascinated with your hair. If you have straight hair and use a lot of product to make it stay up and spikey he has every window open while dramatically coughing. He'd help you pick out different hair dyes probably making it even harder for you to make a decision.

“Ah, liebe how about this one?” He says showing you a box of dark blue dye. “Or you could do this one.” He says now holding an orange box. “Or maybe this one as well?” Holding a green box. He'd buy them all if you wanted rainbow-colored hair.

The first time König saw you he was enamored with you, he thought you were so cool. He loved your style and how you didn't care what anyone else thought. Took him awhile to work up the confidence to befriend you.

König always listens to you ramble and rant about the military industry, capitalism, and society [🤡]. Even if he doesn't fully grasp certain topics he's still mentally jotting down notes.

If you play music he would hum along with your singing/screaming, he might even start singing himself if the music is loud enough and you couldn't hear him. He loooves watching you bang on drums or shred on your guitar.

König doesn't like drawing attention to himself but he would never tell you to change your style for him. In fact, he would push you to dress that way even harder. Might wear your style around the house.

[literary-illuminati]

Book Review 13 – A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine

Okay, getting back into writing these reviews before I fall so far behind that catching up is just impossible. Memory is the first book this year that I’ve actually read before; I’m rereading as the first choice for a theoretical book club with some friends. Honestly quite enjoyed the experience, if only because trying to jot down some things to say when discussing it forced me to take it a little slower this time.

To get the technical details out of the way – the book won the Hugo, and did basically deserve it. The writing’s lovely and occasionally downright poetics, the two leads are both insanely compelling, and the court intrigue is appropriately convoluted and byzantine for what is obviously Constantinople IN SPACE. It’s just overall a joyous read.

So Martine’s clearly very fascinated by the experience of having your standards of aesthetics, and sophistication, and civilization defined by a culture which has never even bothered to notice your existence. The simultaneous rapture at being in the heart of the universe that you’ve read about your entire life, and deep alienation knowing you’ll never actually be a part of it. How ever most of the people trying to be friendly and compliment you don’t even notice how patronizing they’re being. And so on and etc. Mahit’s internal monologue does a really good job of selling the ambivalence of it, especially in the party scene.

The book does an excellent job of actually selling the palace district as a site of imperial grandeur, too, every building buried in symbolic aesthetics and ritual significance. But also just, like, actually impressive and grand to read about. All the contrasts between the oveflowing abundance in the city and life on Lsel are fascinating too – Martine makes really good use of the little worldbuilding quotes at the start of chapters to sell the difference. The one that really stuck in my head was a quote from a tourism

guide explaining all the myriad fine dining choices for tourists visiting the City followed directly by a Lseli agricultural report about how new hydrophonic techniques had increased rice yield sufficiently to support a whole hundred non-replacement births in the next generation (it helps that all the Teixicalaanli food legitimately sounds pretty amazing). Though the time where Mahit’s internal monologue short circuited over the idea of carrying a pregnancy to term in your own body – wasteful! Depriving the station of a necessary laborer for months and months when perfectly good artificial wombs are right there! So decadent – is a close second.

Martine is, as I understand it, a Byzantinist, and oh boy can you tell. The city’s a little bit Tenochtitlan in the aesthetics and the religion, but it really is overwhelmingly space Constantinople. The theoretically absolute emperor dealing with mobs in the streets willing and potentially able to acclaim a usurper, the constant risk of legions doing the same, the basic fact that there’s a vast empire which is viewed as nothing but an adjunct or extension of the capital city which is the entirety of all political life and the place everyone whose anyone needs to be, and so on.

In a way, the obvious Byzantine-ness of the Teixicalaanli makes them seem less imperialist than just imperial, at least from Mahit’s perspective. Which is to say, well, first of all that ‘empire’ has far too many meanings and distinguishing them is hard, but the Teixicalaanli don’t expand like the British or French, in constant competition over captive markets and strategic locations, they don’t feel some glorious burden of manifest destination or a mission civilisatrice that requires universal dominion. They already are the universe, or at least everything worthwhile in it, they go to war like medieval kings or Roman princeps – to win glorious victories and so show the empire they have the right to rule it.

The relation between Lsel and Teixicalaan – well, if suffers from the standard space opera lack of scale, first of all. The stationers number in the tens of thousands – the empire must be in the hundreds of billions, minimum. ‘Realistically’ Six Directions would never have found out about the imago device because relations with them would have been handled by some mid-ranking provincial governor, only showing up in travelogues and fanciful ethnographies. But leaving that aside, Teixicalaanli myopia also means that the cultural imperialism that the book’s so fascinated by is oddly...blameless? Teixicalaan presumably has brutal campaigns dedicated to stamping out native cultures and integrating them into the empire, but there’s hardly one directed at Lsel. The general sense you get is one of vaguely tragic inevitability – that the mismatch in size and wealth is such that of course any sort of even slightly free exchange of media and ideas will lead to Stationer culture being overwhelmed. Makes me think about arguments around CanCon regulations.

(The whole Roman, medieval feel of the empire means it all kind of calls to mind various Germanic elites actively reaching for Roman iconography and institutions to legitimize themselves as much as anything, though of course that’s not really right.)

The book’s politics are, I think, a bit limited by the degree it’s laser-focused on the very uppermost tip of imperial society – the book seems to know this too, given the thirty page digression into cyberpunk two thirds of the way through (speaking of which, I absolutely adore the fact that the elegant, ritually harmonious and utterly aesthetic architecture lasts about three metro stops away from the palace before everything starts turning into economical concrete blocks). Which isn’t really a knock on the book, but I do think some of the praise of it does get a bit overblown; there’s a limit to how much insight you can really have on imperialism when you’re so focused on the stories an empire tells about itself in its most rarified and luxurious heart.

In much the same way there’s something very, I don’t know, ‘written in America in the late 2010s’ about the political imagination the book allows itself. There are people who don’t want the world to be the world, and maybe they can help a bit, but the actual players in the game of thrones are corrupt oligarchs and populist warmongers, you know?

All that said, the book sure does portray a city that views itself as synonymous with civilization. I only realized there was a Teixicalaanli word for foreigner that wasn’t ‘barbarian’ when one of the probably-terrorists made a point of using it during the whole cyberpunk interlude. Which retroactively makes, like, every single other Teixicalaanli character in the book waaaaay more of an asshole. (fanfic thought - Teixicalaanli attempts to talk even vaguely respectfully to/about foreigners as analogous to people trying to be gender neutral or talk about nonbinary people in really strongly genedered languages, right down to the awkward neologisms that the ‘average citizens’ rolls their eyes at. What’s the Teixicalaanli term for ‘the woke plague.’?)

Also – not really a better place to put this in, but something I really do like about the worldbuilding is that no one has anything like the same ideas of what constitutes political legitimacy as the contemporary liberal default? Lsel is a corporatist state, where political power is divided between what are basically guilds who seem to have wide remit to make policy within their jurisdiction, with only one seat on the council seeming to have any sort of election. And Teixicalaan is, of course, a bureacratic-verging-on-stratocratic monarchy, with a strong sense of popular involvement in government, but through demonstrations and rioting instead of any formal process. It’s enjoyable that neither place is actually, like, familiar.

The motor of the book’s plot is byzantine (or Byzantine, I suppose) court intrigue, and as someone who loves polite conversations and poetic allusions followed directly by assassination attempts, I adored it. That said, I’m going to be a slob demanding everything be hand fed to me for a minute and saying that it all got positively opaque by the end. Which is, I suppose, entirely realistic, given Mahit’s position and role in everything, but still I wanted an Agathe Christie drawing room denouncement so bad. Was Ten Pearl actively backing the coup? If not, what was up with the Sunlit? And the Cityshocks? Why was the Information Ministry so politically passive and uninvolved in a literal coup attempt? How was Eight Loop involved in the whole final resolution, given it was her people keeping the emperor safe but it was Nineteen Adze who was with him on camera? All these questions and more, unanswered and, probably, irrelevant! But like, inquiring minds want to know.

Though speaking of the coup, I really did absolutely adore how, like,incompetent and amateurish both coup attempts were? Which seems like it would be a plot hole, but actually it’s probably the strongest argument the book can make for Six Direction’s immortality plan – the empire has been peaceful for so long no one remembers how to do a coup.

Anyway, yes! Extremely good book, Mahit and Seagrass are absolutely great protagonists. Not at all sorry I’m peer pressuring people into reading it.

[divinereign4ever]

A jotting down of thoughts.

POSSIBLE SPOILERS: Just in Case

This is now ep 17, and i must say I do enjoy how it's really cementing Mu Yao's lack of social skills.

As I was watching, I was sort of complaining about how MuYao and Fuyi didn't really feel like a "main couple type". I thought that was just a result of Miaomiao, being the main character versus the "main couple" in the story but now that Fuyi and Yao are having this like, mini Arc in the capital to build their relationship, I do like how we see the problems with both of their social skills.

For Mu Yao, she's been raised to be a deamon hunter all her life and the heir of a major clan until her whole clan was killed. Now, she has to grow up quickly and have the weight of being the Mu heir be put upon her 10 fold in the eyes of the world. Plus, having to manage Mu Sheng's overprotectiveness is a full-time job. She never had the chance to make friends or be romantically inclined better yet be challenged in that way in the case of a love rival.

The girl is socially inept, in a casual sense, she can be the most professional and self-sacrificing person in the room but when it come to personal matters, matters of the heart specifically, she can be so detached it makes her seem cold.

And the gag is we know she wants to grow closer with others, we saw that when she reprimanded Mu Sheng, in earlier episodes, about how she's never had a friend like Lin Yu/Miaomiao in her life and wants to protect her.

But when it comes to Fuyi, who is just as professional and self-sacrificing and Mu Yao, there comes a whole other can of worms. We know he's kinder and not as closed off as Mu Sheng BUT he's not nearly as transparent in his motivations bc he's beholden to his master who, I assume at this point in time, saved him as a child and is therefore loyal to him even to his own detriment.

While Fuyi can acknowledge that the princess is coming on strong (shout out to her in literally any other context) and is avoiding offending her like a pro, That doesn't mean he's ready to confess, and he clearly feels guilt at the amount of secrets he's keeping from their group which could also stay his hand in commiting fully to a relationship to Mu Yao.

The name of the game for all four of them is building trust and vulnerability. They all lack it in one way or another, and it's that lack that leads to the bad ending Miaomiao is trying to avoid.

[starmapz]

Your writing is amazing. I'm in love with the college! sukuna series you're working on! Can I ask how you got into writing/how your writing process goes? I really wanna get into writing but I struggle with outlining plots and just like to write and make up the story as it comes to my mind 😭🫶🏽

hiiiii love!! this is so sweet thank you sm <33 i'm so glad to hear you're loving college!kuna because i'm loving writing for it 🥹

you are absolutely more than welcome to ask! so i've been writing for about 12 years now but haven't published anything until recently but i've always enjoyed it. i don't think i ever finished any of my pieces until recently either bc i struggled with outlines and completing things.

i think what helped me the most personally to get past that blockade is that i got into writing for jjk specifically around the same time as a close friend got into writing for another fandom so we beta one another's work and bounce ideas past each other as well, bless her

as for my process itself, i think i actually have a fairly messy process tbh? most of my inspiration comes from music but the majority of fleshing out those ideas comes from the fact that i daydream more than the average person probably should LOL. my mind is just constantly writing the next scene.

i also physically can't write scenes in advance bc if i do i won't write the scenes i'm less inspired for that come before what i've already gotten down, so i write in the order that you all are reading it. i do have notes/planning docs with basic outlines of what i'd like in each chapter but it's genuinely just the word vomit i've sent to my beta reader. it's messy and totally not concrete and i don't stick by it if i feel what i've got planned isn't/won't work.

another thing that i find works well for me is that i actually really enjoy the editing process so if i'm not fully happy with a scene but i'm having a bit of a block, i'll move along if it's at least complete enough to call it 'done', then go back during editing once i've had some time to think it over. i know a lot of people don't like editing, so this may not work for everyone, but taking a step back and thinking things over can always be a good strategy.

my best pieces of advice would be these: - just start writing and see what happens, bc honestly even my work from like 8 months ago or so when i first started this blog i sometimes read again and i can see my improvement and it makes me proud of where i've come from. - if you have an idea, even if it's the middle of the night, open your phone and jot down a note. it's saved so many of my ideas from disappearing into nothing. - read lots! i think the fact that i read a lot of fics alongside writing them has helped me improve as well, bc i try to learn new words/styles from other writers. i find my older writing used to be a lot more rigid, like i wasn't willing to use capitals or multiple exclamation marks to signify yelling, but at the end of the day i realized i like when others do that, so why shouldn't i? i enjoy more casual prose as it feels more realistic at times, so i've adapted that into my writing as well. by knowing what you like to read, you can figure out more how you like to write. - lastly, don't overthink things! remember, if you enjoy what you wrote, others will too. write for yourself and do what you love :)

tysm for all the love, i hope this helps even a little bit <33 sorry for the word vomit LOL and i hope you have a great day/night bb!

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 7

chapter 12:

1. LILY EVANS MENTION!!!!!

2. god i’m so worried about what’s gonna happen to wolfstar when the games are over. they deserve a lifetime together

3. the snake, jesus christ. i’d flip off the game makers too

4. crimson rivers and just lovers peter >>>>>>>

5. god, peter is so sensible and reasonable and i love him so much

6. 😧 the avery spider. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

7. james, darling, love, stop telling all the people you like the location of the cave. you cannot save everyone. their death will be inevitable. you’re going to hurt your soul like this

8. “Frankly, Regulus looks like he's been through Hell. He's absolutely gorgeous.” jesus christ. and with a knife pressed to his throat. he is NOT toning down his horny rn

9. “"You're hesitating, love."” FUCK YEAH THE FAMOUS LINE

10. 😧😳😳 not the bondage joke james makes at reg. holy shit- no chill

11. james had a knife to his throat twice in this chapter. he is living the high life

chapter 13:

1. “James has always been that infuriating mixture of wonderful and stupid, for as long as Regulus can remember.” yes, that is how i’d describe him

2. 😐 my dear james, what the fuck. why are you nervously beatboxing

3. oh god, they’re gonna have to kill the deer to eat. james is NOT gonna like this

4. regulus does NOT give a fuck about the deer. he only doesn’t kill them cause he’s softhearted for james

5. “He tilts his head up to the sky, like he's looking directly at Sirius with an expression that clearly states: are you seeing this shit?” LMAO

6. (james describing his feelings for sirius) “Well, for one thing, what we have is special and goes beyond the bounds of romance, reaching unfathomable lengths that no one can understand but us, so jot that down,"” LMAO but also yes. absolutely right

7. 😧😧 jaw open. shocked. sobbing. reg agrees that in a different lifetime, him and james would probably be dating

8. 😭😭😭 james getting excited about if in a different life he married reg because that would make him sirius’ brother in law

9. “"Your ability to find things to be happy about, even in the middle of literal life or death fucking astounds me."” so true. but also. like. i understand james. me and james have got this connection. i understand him.

10. 😏 they’re gonna share a blankie

11. HANDCUFFS?????

12. "”Mum, Dad, look away, I'm having impure thoughts," James announces, gasping theatrically as he presses the back of his hand to his forehead. "Oh, the shame."” LMAO HES SO FUNNY

13. god, i miss james’ glasses too, reg

14. i’ve always wondered if the capital/hallow would show if tributes had sex in the arena. like, would they show it? like morally, they let people kill one another, so would they have anything morally against showing two people having sex in the arena??

15. god, they’re gonna be so mentally fucked up when they leave this arena

16. “Dorcas vividly remembers being very sure that the 'McKinnon girl' was about to die, only to be stunned when that 'McKinnon girl' shoved someone twice her size right into the fire and warmed herself up while they burned.” 😧 no wonder the past haunts marlene so bad. jesus fucking christ

17. god i love dorcas. she has no excuses for the other hallows. she’s like, i grew up and realized it was wrong. that’s all it took. the rest of them should have grown up as well

18. 😳😳 dorcas says she likes it rough

19. 😳 oh shit wait i think they’re actually gonna fuck

20. DORLENE <333333333333333

21. oh damn. the secret codes and sharing of messages to relay info. like gid and fab’s death

22. god, not dorcas lying about gid and fab’s death. i understand 100% but jesus. it sucks

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 8, episode 8: our home

okay i was very busy (read: distracted) today so i'm posting this late but LET'S GOOOO

let's start out with some psychic damage targeting me personally 👍 my heart hurts so much already

thinking about how both young vash and nai relate to food... they have opposite needs, but it must be an isolating experience for both of them. nai is different from vash and rem, vash is different from nai and other plants... they're both in between humans and plants without really belonging to either.

nai specifically, though... he doesn't seem happy that rem made him food, but it might be equally isolating if he was the only one who didn't get served food... so it's awkward either way. rem did the best she could.

what if i died right now

the geranium on the table... is it... i wonder... if rem put it there for tesla...

LOOK AT HIM HES SO HAPPY AND HE LOVES HIS MOM SO MUCH :((((((((

i don't know what it is but something about the footprints is getting to me, man. the way that nai's go on ahead of vash...

is it the composition maybe. nai's footprints leading down to the bottom of the frame... down... fallen angel... etc etc am i just making things up- no i'm right. i'm right.

brad is the one who noticed vash... even though he acted pretty hostile to him for a while after... he's the one who saved him... i wonder if that's some of the reason for his hostility? like if vash did turn out to be dangerous brad would have been the one responsible... idk

also brad is voiced by junichi suwabe my beloved

this has gotta be an orange original, right? we never learn how plants are made in the manga...

"sinners"... i've heard that word before... wait a sec...

here!! the EoM broadcast right at the start of episode 5!! what does it mean...

why would scientists call themselves Sinners, as like a formal(?) group name(??) is it because they know they're playing god by studying plants? i wonder about the radio program, too. here it could simply be referring to humanity as a whole, but then why the capital S? conrad is the one who ties this all together... the "team leader," huh...

"plant research," huh...

(insert "she should've been at the club" joke here)

much to think about. lying about nai being dead yes but. not the only thing he's keeping from them. "just one" more independent?

brad is so mean sometimes, lol... tbh i think they really nailed his personality. his role in the story and his relationship with vash are both very different than in the manga but he's still recognizably brad, and i think that's cool. it shows orange really understands the core of his character.

it's probably natural that this is the first question she asks, but it's also kind of mean... not on purpose ofc, but it probably hurts a lot for him to be asked that, especially now...

also vash isn't eating again. his unhealthy relationship with food... not eating as a form of self-harm... when we got reminded just at the beginning of this episode that it's something he needs to do. i remember reading a meta post a while back about his relationship with food but idk if i have it in me to try and find it right now...

once again glad i can watch this in hd so i can notice that vash covers his ears when luida says this hahahahahaha (<- in pain)

we see the one on the left the most so we need to look at the other family photos for a second. they're so cute what the heck... rem's big smile in the bottom right one... and i see both vash and nai are right-handed... *jots that down*

wasn't there a theory post about vash's number tally on the walls. i don't remember what it said.

she asked "who did this" so she knew it wasn't something like a computer error. Did She Know.

ohhh sister i'm so sorry but no they will not be

this is such a blink-and-you-miss-it, but brad shielding vash from this guy is really sweet. because as we've seen the other residents of the ship haven't exactly been nice to vash. brad's been mean too but he's just... a tsundere, really.

sorry this post lacks substance, there is probably a lot more to say but my brain just isn't working at full capacity and i need to go to bed

mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah. up until now the only clear, non-obstructed shots of nai's face were from when he was a little kid. he's still young here, and the shot itself is pretty dark, but here he is... the boy...

next episode is going to kill me dead! goodnight

[mothmage]

Body thief Armand !! ?

for a bit of context, this is the first few lines of the word document:

Title: Bacchus, Recumbent

Summary In 1992, Raglan James stole the body of a vampire. In 1982, someone else did it first. Or: A study in gluttony and in deprivation.

Tags: gore, hedonism

this one is still in the "frantically jotting things down with no capitalization or punctuation" phase, which makes it horrible to read snippets of lmao. it's 75% armand eating and having sex and doing drugs and having human-body experiences in a way that's very different from lestat's bodyswap adventure, and the other 25% is just the most soul-crushing grief i've ever written and also gore and my agenda for armand to eat people. the idea for this fic was co-developed in another ask game a while ago, with people in the comments adding things (@molloyboi super heavily co-developed this).

anyways skipping over the horny fun parts and going straight to the armand-style misery, if you want a horribly poor grammar and spelling and no punctuation snippet of armand having an emotional crisis after trying cocaine, see below (tw vomit, blood - not from a fight or anything):

he takes a knife to daniels chest slicing shallowly below his collarbone. daniel hisses but holds armands head as he latches on sucks.

he pulls away when the blood stops flowing and starts to coagulate making a face. he isnt used to that. he drops to his knees then sucks daniel off. when his cock hits the back of his throat and makes him gag, he has to pull off to literally vomit blood and alcohol and bile and chunks of food.

daniel steps back makes a gagging noise then is like oh boss armand baby.

armand coughs wipes his mouth then stares at it swirling down the drain. he starts to cry then and looks up at daniel with snot and tears running down his face. im sorry daniel im so sorry.

hey no come here its all right. come on stand up lets get you cleaned off.

clean, he stands with his head against daniels chest those big familiar hands rubbing up and down his unfamiliar back.

i didnt mean to waste it he mumbles pressing a kiss to the scabby line across his collarbone. im sorry i didnt mean to waste it

to- he laughs presses a kiss to his head. my god armand it’s fine. the human body has a lot of blood as you well know. im fine.

he shakes his head but cant make daniel understand and cant make himself stop crying.

daniel sighs turns off the water. come on boss he says quietly. he leads armand out to their pool to the hot tub that daniel had insisted on.

hes glad now as daniel leads him in. he hisses at the temperature. it’s too hot.

daniel steps in still holding his hand. just go slow give it a minute.

he does and it becomes comfortable. he steps all the way inside and settles beside daniel curled up around him. daniel drags him over to sit on his lap draped across his chest. not like a child but like an octopus. armand loves to sit like this. it feels powerful normally. daniel couldnt move against the strength of his vampire body. he shivers now. hes just a child again a skinny little foolish child like hes always been. all masks removed.

NOW so you arent misled about the true vibes of this fic, here's a bonus bit, less of a snippet and more like notes to break into scenes later:

when he returns he drags daniel to italy, to the monuments. searching for the body thief he tells him. but sightseeing all the while. ive never seen this in the daytime the colosseum or the pantheon. with all the crowds. he delights in it curling his arm around daniel and letting the crowds press them close together. everybody is hot and everybody smells and he drapes himself over daniels back during their picnic lunch to press his nose into the space behind his ear and breathe him in. he smells the same even if armands nose has changed. they take pictures that daniel cant bear to look at but armand tucks away for safekeeping. they go to the finest restaurants in the world and order dish after dish. armand stands naked in the hotel bathroom admiring this new body of his. it’s putting on weight, fleshy around the hips and thighs, the way his own body is. it feels more like him every day. he cuts his hair into a sort of mullet like a rockstar, has daniel hold onto it while fucking him from behind. they go to clubs to bars to shows, pick up men and women in droves. every hotel room hosts an orgy and daniel goes along with it all, whatever armand wants. but what he wants is daniel and daniels body can’t keep up. so he purchases a harness, a silicone cock that straps onto his thigh, and rides it while daniel’s own recovers. daniel falls asleep more than once, w his hands gentle around armands hips and his cock bouncing limp in his lap.

then they go to new york, try coke again at the club and dance until the sun comes up then dance their way through the park laughing and giddy. they fall into the grass daniel groaning and armand laughing.

[skyward-floored]

I’m feeling generally overwhelmed and anxious so I’m making a list of all my wips because making lists is nice for the ol brain so—

(Yet another) mermaid Legend fic - Legend and Hyrule get into some Trouble with a capital T

Wind touches a certain someone’s necklace - local 13 year old becomes kitty, more at eleven

Castle town wedding - probably the last chapter, though there might be an epilogue (I’m so close to finishing this fic hhhhh)

Accidental domestication - a little epilogue/chapter with Sky because he hasn’t gotten the spotlight yet

Various Incredibles au oneshots - random ideas that may become more someday, basically where I jot down all my half-written ideas. It is a mess. Don’t go in there.

Incredibles au movie fic - I’m working on it, okay

Brethren in a cradle - I’m working on it, okay

Courses of love - aftergame stuff for all the loz games; only have a few more of these to write. working on the tmc and 4s ones on and off

True form au - midna gets her true form much sooner and her and link are in loooove~

Lu au of true form - pretty much me messing around with ideas, and having an excuse to write Eveni (midlink kiddo) probably won’t publish

Hw au of true form - basically if Eveni got slurped into the war of ages, he freaks out cause there’s three versions of his dad lol (also probably won’t publish)

Another hw au - it turns out Link has some... interesting parentage. Just ideas mostly for now.

Botw Dark Link au - the Yuga make a Dark Link but screw it up basically, he and Link become friends. Totk probably messed all my plans up.

Tri force heroes oneshots - some oneshots about the tfh Links. Some during the game, some after. (And some from a very very long time ago).

Up in arms - Warriors loses an arm because he’s a dummy, very angsty, lots of guilt. This one is taking forever.

Whumptober continuation - Legend and Time have a very, very, very, bad time. Very long. Planning on finishing it completely before publishing,

Warriors & Hyrule fic - basically these two find out they’re not so different. There’s also a twist.

Assorted hw angst stuff - what it says on the tin. Some lu.

Courage of ages - my Links meet au, there’s a main fic but it’s very much neglected :( I’ve got some oneshots and aus though

[raccoonfallsharder]

Do you have any advice on making time for writing and avoiding burnout? I'm impressed by the amount of projects you have and how they're consistently high quality.

oh love. sunshine. you tiny fresh vanilla seed (precious & delightful // it is a luxury to interact with you). so first i’m gonna apologize because there’s a 99% chance this is not the advice you’re looking for and SURPRISE i wrote another novel. (so also jot this down… my being prolific is helped by the fact that i literally cannot shut the fuck up to save my life). anyway here are my rules for writing

1. don’t look at the man behind the curtain (in this case that’s me). I had 70% of window and probably 90% of sweatshirt girl drafted before i even started revising && posting individual chapters/ installments. it gives the illusion of me cranking out a new chapter every week but i do NOT do that. i just try to revise once a week. maybe write a half+ chapter of something new. it’s not an illusion i create on purpose. i just know i need TIME to rest my brain before I come back and revise or it’ll start all looking the same to me. so i def frontload my writing before i start posting.

i also do this because i need at least the ghost of an ending to keep writing

i also never originally intended to post window or sweatshirt girl - i was originally just writing for me. so they were mostly done before i even decided to post

i ALSO work at a school and while i do have hours over the summer, i am doing much less (imo) important things when there aren’t students around, sooooo i end up daydreaming and drafting a lot

my writing is also powered by depression (“write the world as i want it to be”) and frankly i don’t recommend that to anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so if i look like i’m producing a lot it’s just because of the way this year has unfolded, and once we get through the next few chapters of window i’m sure I’ll hit a lull because I’m still struggling to write those chapters (sorry in advance folksss)

2. i swear to god creativity (like everything in nature) happens in cycles. blah blah no flower blooms all year && no tree bears fruit every season. fallowness is IMPORTANT for growing gardens. if you are in a slow space - let yourself be slow. sink into the quiet season. speed&&quantity are SO overrated and if you overcultivate your soil there will be no nutrients left for your crops. let the snows come in && blanket you on occasion. they are their own kind of blank page (i swear to fuck sometimes i sound like some kind of ai generating bad proverbs but you knew what you were getting when you came to my asks i guess! i am unashamed)

tbh i have a modest art side-hustle and am working on painting a project that WILL take YEARS - and this whole summer, i have neglected that project in lieu of being a rocket fangirl because frankly my brain needed a break. guess what? my followers understand and it has not been a problem. because any fellow creative should know that the process takes time and is always in flux

(3) a lot of people will tell you - write a little every day. write even if it’s bad. you can always come back with fresh eyes later. I support these ideas in theory. i keep my writing && my sketchbooks where i can access them almost anytime, and even if it’s only for ten minutes, i do write something most days. but more than this - listen to your body and your brain and your heart. and for fanfiction especially - ONLY write when it’s fun. if you start writing from obligation instead of love, you will burn out faster, create less, and even resent this thing that should be an escape for you. (and your readers will feel it, even if they don’t know why). (also your readers - if they are good people - will understand this && support you) (and if they’re not good people, they don’t deserve your heart like that). if your body says take time off then TAKE TIME OFF. don’t let capitalism brainwash you into believing all your joys must entail consistent labor, that every good thing comes with a side of drudgery, or that you can’t stop something once you start it. they don’t. it doesn’t. you can. let yourself have a scrap of unfettered && unpressured happiness in this place. you deserve it, i fuckin swear that to you on my goddamn life.

(4) maybe im inadvertently repeating myself but please. be kind to yourself. let your community be kind to you too. we are supposed to take care of each other. give yourself grace && know we are on your side

okay wow i’m so sorry. fuck me that’s not what you were asking for but it is the best && most earnest && most true advice i can give you. “carve some time out every day” is nice and aspirational and maybe give it a try, but life is hard and don’t blame yourself if you can’t. let fanfiction be a force for joy in your days/nights, not a chore. nope im just saying the same shit over and over LOOK. i love you. you are good. life is short. have fun. that’s truly all & the most important things I have inside me, and I’m sorry for my limitations. for whatever that is worth

♡♡♡

[nighthawkers]

s+t in paris jan ‘24

returned to paris with the love of my life at the start of january this year. it seems we’ve made a habit of running away to this city every january. i hope this habit turns into lifelong tradition.

we celebrated 10 years of friendship (our tin-aversary) just a few months earlier in sept ‘23.

recently i’ve found myself reconnecting and reconciling with parts of myself i seemed to have unknowingly buried years ago. in february, i reached for a diary that i used to keep when i was 14. tens of scribble-on leather-bound pages that i had hidden away out of fear of confronting the traumas of my past lives. however, this year, reaching out for it felt so simple. i led a revolution from my bed when i began to carefully flick through the pages by my fingertips. i may have been peering in hesitantly at first, but soon enough i was sucked in, charmed by her teenage wit. she was so… smart, funny, charming and so fucking headstrong. i see her forming parts of her identity with each page i turn. she had just watched mermaids (1990) and carved ‘winona forever’ on the page in black ink out of sincere admiration for charlotte flax’s catholicly coquettish style. she deliberates the idea of nirvana and wonders how those who believe in an afterlife and have strong faith in God can still be scared of death. she writes her desperation to have more band tees and is confident that, if called upon, she will always be able to name 5 songs from the artists she pragmatically chooses to wear proudly on her chest. she jots her 10-step plan for running away, a how-to guide in order to get out swiftly, efficiently and quietly in the night to start a new life somewhere far, far away. it should be more painful, but the feeling is… something i’m still unable to describe. perhaps bittersweet. seeing these words from my past-self reminded me of her pain. god knows it was so hard being 14. however, something strange happens to me. when the nostalgia would typically be all-consuming for me, i am instead engulfed in a complete awareness of my physical being. i feel the skin of my knees brush my starchy duvet as i sit cross legged on my bed. the pads of my fingers feel the grit of the moleskin’s paper. my breaths go deep into my chest and exhale smooth and steady from parted lips. i’m actually alive. i pay silent homage to the girl this diary used to belong to and hope my telepathic message of ‘thank you for keeping me her long enough to see this’ somehow reaches her through retrocausality. as i send my tribute, a brighter light begins to blind me from the page. i see the violent etchings of a T, an A and a Z. in capital letters, as always. underneath reads: dear safa, i really really really really really really like you”. i realise with every account of me, there is also an account of you. albeit, most mentions are referential only by your now-defunct teenage pseudonym, but where i saw your name i also saw mine. both aliases created so that we could escape the obligations of endurance that came with being born as ourselves. oh, how those names still felt like us. i read an account that i wrote exactly 10 years ago to the day, 15th february 2014, and, my darling girl, all i can think about is how far we have come. 10 years of alienation, reinvention and self-discovery, 120 months of the same bob mortimer youtube compilation, cd mixtapes and soul-bearing love letters to one another (i’ve kept them all), 3653 days of saving pocket change to spent at hmv to now spending freely as we lounge in hotel rooms eating tiramisu and doing face masks in paris. a decade of having you by my side. in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, til death do us part. a.h.k and jasey rae.

we will always run down the street with stars in our eyes, hand in hand, forever.

[abysscronica]

hey hey Cronica \o/

If there's anything from your AUs notes you're willing to share, I'd love to hear it. Or the os to do list =3 Whether a summary of something you have planned or a snippet if you have something jotted down.

thank you for you playing and sharing =D

Hey Quin! Thank you and sorry for my usual delay. I'll talk a bit about the AUs and related reader characters, since I don't have much to go about for the one shots at this time (except Jailbreak, but I've already replied to a couple of asks on it).

I'm toying with the idea of making an AU event, although it depends whether I'll be able to update my ongoing stories first. But I've got AUs planned since it's so much fun for me.

There are two fantasy AUs. One is a classic high fantasy scenario that I've used for a previous draft. The islands are basically kingdoms/regions of the continent (heavily inspired by ASOIAF). Sabaody is the capital, but the actual royal family currently only consists in Uta, as her father disappeared years ago before his coronation ("the Runway Prince"). Sakazuki has been in charge of the kingdom until Uta comes of age, which is when the story kicks off, as a tournament is organised with champions coming from all over the continent. Said tournament is not only a celebration for the princess' birthday, but also a semiofficial occasion for royal bachelors to present themselves as suitable contenders for Uta's hand in marriage. Meanwhile, the half titans of the capital (somewhat descendants of demons when they came from the underworld eons ago) have started going on crazy killing sprees and dying immediately after. Koby is a young city guard set on investigating these instances and resolving the issue before the tournament starts and Sabaody is flooded with notable characters from allied and rival regions. Magic is rare and strictly regulated in this world, but he manages to contact a rare professional: a so-called Mind Whisperer, someone who has the power to read minds (to some extent) and, what's even more insidious, to influence them. That's of course reader, a woman with a mysterious past that suddenly finds herself part of the royal court during the tournament while investigating whatever is driving the titans mad. Oh, and in all of this, she also discovers that the princess is batshit crazy, and the kingdom is probably on the verge of collapse. So that's fun!

Ahaha, I got carried away, but I promise I will spend just a few words on the other AUs. One is a simple western AU. The other fantastic one is an urban fantasy setting where reader is part of an extermination agency and therefore a vampire/demon/werewolf huntress. There's a dystopian sci-fi AU where reader is a professional gladiator paid to participate in numerous violent games, sometimes solo, sometimes in teams. There's a band AU. There's a regular modern AU with reader being extranged from her family (the Doflamingo family) and moving to Tokyo to start a new life. Then there's a gang AU, a superhero AU and a brother AU that I've barely touched so far.

I hope this replies to your question. Anyone, feel free to send asks over any of this, including the role of a specific character in any AU for example, it's fun to discuss.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Greetings everyone! So uhm. its been a while since my last liveblog post. there have been some circumstances that made me really not wanna read, but now they have passed and I have risen from the ashes like a glorious phoenix and I can resume my divine mission of complaining about this mediocre-at-best book series to an audience of as many as 60 people if you can believe it. Also we're back to the style of post where I just jot down all my thoughts bullet-point style because my life is in shambles

Anyway, last time we had a chapter where literally nothing happened except for Lucien showing up at the very end, so lets see what he does in this chapter 47

I still cant believe its been only two months since Feyre started permanently living at the night court and forgiving Rhysand for torturing her, its taken me longer to forgive people at my school who mildly annoyed me. Also wait, Feyre was UTM for three months, shes spent more time consecutively being tortured by Rhysand than consecutively having a good time with him wth

Feyre stop fuckin jacking the bat boys off challenge (impossible!!)

Ive seen this part where Feyre talks about the bat boys being so much stronger than Lucien in english where shes like "Lucien may have trained to be a warrior, but Cassian, Azriel and Rhys were Warriors" like oh fuck, we gotta get out of here!! those guys are Proper Nouns!! But in the german version, this line is just "Lucien may have trained to become a warrior, but Cassian, Azriel and Rhysand were warriors" because nouns are always capitalized in german and not just when theyre Super Epic and Cool so you cant do that thing that english books do with proper nouns, and Idk i think thats pretty interesting

Something about Feyre being all like "theyre hunting me, its like Im their prey" really pisses me off, I think its because it could be cool and thematically relevant but instead its just kindof nothing

Speaking of which, Lucien coming ip to her and saying "We've been hunting for you" is so forced, it reminds me of how Tamlin would say these weird objectifying things to Feyre alllll the way at the start of ACOMAF even though hes never said shit like that before, except this is way worse because who on earth would say it like that?? hello?? If you were looking for someone who went missing, you'd say like, we've been searching for you or we've been looking for you, not we've been hunting for you thats just insane

HUH?? which high lord gave her the ability to slow down time??? Thats so overpowered and I dont remember anyone ever talking about it

Oh, of course they cant just be afraid of Feyre, they have to be afraid of Rhysand who just showed up

Did this motherfucker really take the time to change his outfit just make his dramatic entrance just a little more dramatic? Honestly, if it was any other guy I would think thats so iconic, but because its Rhysand just wearing his fucking black tunic again I just want him to explode

"Has your mother, the Lady of the Autumn Court, not taught you that you should listen to a lady?" why he have to say that Lucien's mom is the Lady of the Autumn Court thats so awkward. Also yeah, it sounds more awkward translated from german to english because they use both 'Lady' and 'Dame' (which is german for lady) in the same sentence, but its still just a very bad line

This is actually kind of interesting because Im guessing Lucien called Rhys a dirty son of a bitch in the original and then he growled because its like, oh Lucien insulted his lovely mother that he loves soooo much, but its been translated here as 'Hurensohn' (lit. 'whore's son') so it gains this additional layer where Lucien is not just insulting his mom also using a word that's like a trigger for him which makes it much more impactful imo. good job, Ms. Ernst

The fact that Feyre is getting on Lucien's case for siding with Gamlin over her is mighty ironic when you consider whats gonna happen in acosf, but also Lucien right now and the IC in acosf are making the same choice of listening to their close friend of several centuries over his gf that theyve known for like a year. Like, yeah, obviously its super shitty in both cases but I do get why they did it. And thats not even factoring in the political power Tamlin and Rhys have over their friends, like, it really doesnt matter if you "dont enforce rank" because youre the super special ones who were literally chosen by god to rule, you have an inherent authority over the people around you

This is all so frustrating because I do sympathize with Feyre for feeling abandoned by Lucien because that is essentially what he did, but I really dont like how hes portrayed as being unambigiously in the wrong for caring more about politics or himself than Feyre when its like, first of all, politics impact sooooo many people of course making sure that the SC at leats looks stable from the outside is more important than Feyre's mental health, and second of all, Feyre also pretty much only cares about herself. Which is her right btw, she has been very traumatized, she should be prioritizing herself for a while now, i just dont like the way the narrative frames this whole thing

Honestly, Feyre's kinda slaying rn. Her with her big spooky bat wings being all like "when youve been trapped in the darkness for so long it becomes your best friend" is kinda cool, idc

Okay, nevermind, she slayed for exactly one line and then she was nearly choking on Tamlin's name "because of what Rhysand did to him" girlie that was centuries ago why are you making this about him when he was being abusive two months ago* *i dont think he was actually being abuse but thats the framing of the narrative so im just going with it

I would usually properly translate this line but my brain isnt up to it at the moment, but its onpage 528 and I think you'll know which one I mean if you look at it, but I dont really understand Feyre being like "if I had stayed at the spring court and just given myself over to my own misery, I wouldve learned to take pleasure in other people's pain" Is it trying to justify Feyre being needlessly cruel by implying that it was inevitable and that her UTM trauma would've made her become like this no matter what? First of all, you cant say that for sure though and second of all, wowweweee Sarah Janett Maas knows soooooo much about mental health, she should become a psychiatrist, no degree necessary

"You are dead. You and your entire damned court." ohhhhhh so THATS why they call him death incarnate. Someone bring him back to life so no one ever calls him that again

??? Feyre was talking about how weird she felt about her lack of feeling when she was speaking to Lucien just now, but she was thinking about feeling guilty for desjring Rhysand?? what. Am i just being stupid rn or are those things no in any way related

man this chapter was exhausting