#and also for our sins or whatever
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jesus died so that my roommate would go home for the weekend to celebrate easter w her family and consequently give me the chance to wake up at 3am to watch the stray kids fanmeet loudly on the TV unbothered
#and also for our sins or whatever#everyone say thank you jesus🫶🏼#the way all of this lined up perfectly is almost laughable. my name means blessed by god for a reason it seems LOL
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The other day I was talking to @vaultureculture about Kuras' having a bit of owl in his design and that made me look for his 'biblically' accurate form because my memory was fuzzy, but my brain had been cooking for a while already and I needed answers.
After looking at his real form, I have to wonder: are angels in this world really this grotesque, or is it just Kuras?
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screenshot by @sweet-milky-tea705
If so, is this disfigurement a punishment given before he, willfully, decided to ostricize himself, or is it the effect of him being away from his 'exalted origins' for so long?
His real body seems to stand between rotting corpse and an alien figure - a carcass well-past rigor mortis of an otherwordly creature, yet somehow this thing feels oddly... alive, almost if it were an empty exoskeleton clinging to life out of sheer will or even spite. Or perhaps it is meant to mirror the very essence of this world of decay in it's full, blunt, raw glory.
Maybe it's the effect of his immeasurable guilt, corroding his very essence. Just what did this angel do, or perhaps did not do, to deserve eternal purgatory? What is necessary for a divine being to decide for themselves that they deserve such fate?
Was it even his idea? What if it's somebody else's will that Kuras is carrying out as his own, ever true and loyal to his role as a messenger to the very end? How much of all of this is something he actually wants and thinks by himself he ought to do in order to purge whatever wrongdoing of his?
A MC with The Unnamed background seems to know Kuras (or at least seems to be in tune with a being like him), and a familiarity between the two is hinted at in the demo. Is Kuras always this open with everybody, or is it just with MC? Why was he so familiar with us, to the point he even laughs and MC reacts to his touch like they remember it? Does he just feel that much at ease around us or do we actually know each other, somehow?
What is going on with Kuras?
Is his body decaying due to heavy shame and guilt, or is it just like that, a horrifyingly indecipherable view to anything mundane?
Or is it standing in between worlds, in the limbo between holy and corrupt, never forgetting the past but also never looking forward to the future, that is pulling him apart?
#touchstarved game#touchstarved kuras#There is a set of crying eyes on his side…#I'm sorry if all of this seems jumbled up#but I just had thoughts I needed to share about Kuras lmao#I am very excited to see what are they going to do with him bc it looks *promising*#and like they are going to rip our heart out with this one#also I sort of hope they don't use the word 'sin' to describe whatever he did#it would be a bit on the nose methinks & would take us out of the experience#nothing big tho just a little peeve if anything
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I don't think that framing "Marginalized™️ Atheism/Deconstruction" and "Cishet White Male Atheism/Deconstruction" as inherently ~separate and distinct~ is super effective (and disclaimer I'm specifically speaking about my experience with christianity, atheism, and ex christian atheists/deconstructors), but also... okay so I was raised in a cult, and cults are oppressive for all its members. Nobody gets out unscathed, everyone experiences the abuse tactics, everybody is a victim. But within the cult there is a hierarchy, and cishet white men are at the top. So while the cult is oppressive to everyone, and everyone is harmed in some way, it is also uniquely oppressive to queer folks, to BIPOC, to disabled folks, to women, etc etc. And the thing that happens to some of those cishet white men is they leave an oppressive cult, where they are considered the "default", and they go into the ~real world~, where they are also considered the "default", and even in atheist/deconstruction spaces, their bodies and experiences are often the leading voices.
The men that leave go from an oppressive patriarchal culture to a far less oppressive (to them) patriarchal society. The white people that leave go from an oppressive racist culture to a far less oppressive (to them) racist society. The people that leave go from an oppressive culture that does not value marginalized voices to a different, less oppressive culture that also does not value marginalized voices. And if you personally do not experience [xyz] oppression, it can be difficult to even realize there are things surrounding that you have to deconstruct unless you listen to the voices of the oppressed. But some cishet white men go from being considered the "default" in an oppressive culture, to being considered the "default" in a less oppressive culture (to them). Their experience of "overcoming systemic oppression" comes from leaving the church, and it can be really easy to fall into the trap that the church, specifically, is the sole oppressor and enemy of everyone.
Of course this doesn't happen in every single case and it's also not exclusive to cishet white men. But those blind spots are why I think it's important for everyone to listen to a variety of voices when they're deconstructing, especially if those voices are talking about oppression you wouldn't have experienced firsthand.
No, our deconstructions are not inherently different, but the experiences and circumstances prior to it often are. It's okay to acknowledge that and beneficial for everybody to listen to each other's experiences.
#ex cult#ex christian#deconstruction#also extremely not claiming that i was or even am currently perfect about this#it really wasn't something i considered until the last couple years and i started getting on deconstruction tiktok#but when i was first deconstructing almost all of the deconstruction content i was consuming was cishet white and male#(one person not being het)#and like tbf these people generally seemed like good people just trying to do their best. it's nothing against them#but i didn't realize how like... important listening to other voices would be#both for the camaraderie and for learning#like yes i was chronically ill while in the church w both mental and physical conditions and it was damaging to me#but i was also not visibly disabled#and i didn't really pick up on how the church treated and harmed people who are visibly disabled while i was in it#and it wasn't something i really considered until i saw someone who was visibly disabled talk about their experience#how they'd get harassed at church#how everyone wanted to lay hands and pray for a miracle#how they were treated as the problem when praying didn't cure them#how people thought it was caused by sin or demons or lack of faith or whatever else#yes there is some overlap in our experiences but some things just didn't even cross my mind before bc it wasn't my personal experience#anyway diversify the voices you listen to when you're deconstructing it's good for you!!!
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(related to the ask about gozyuger being 50 or whatever) see people are going to try and logic why they're breaking their pattern to celebrate the 50th anniversary during the 49th show but i think the actual answer is pretty simple. the 50th anniversary is an actual insanely significant milestone and they don't want to celebrate it a year late just for consistency lmao. patranger doesn't really factor into it
for sure. i also think, unless there are new leaks i've missed, if they lean into the anniversary route it'll probably be closer to a zyuohger/revice approach as opposed to gokaiger and zi-o's bombastic blow-outs
and given stuff like boonboomger's crossovers with past vehicle sentai and gotchard dedicating an entire arc to legend, i think that's just gonna be toei's deal going forward. every show's gonna be a bit of an excuse to celebrate something from the past because it generates hype and gets those nostalgia bucks
#im also confident that whatever they do for the 50th Year they're also gonna find ways to shake things up for the 50th Team afterwards#milestones on top of milestones babey#tune in for our gaoranger crossover and buy the memorial gao phone on p-bandai now or you're WORTHLESS#cough droplet#asks#kendrix morgan died for our sins#super sentai for ts#kamen rider for ts
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crack theory: what if the abyss twin isn't a descender because they're an ascender?
#you know if the world is like upside down because celestia created gods named after demons... like hell....#i know this is dumb and that the concept of descender is people who enter the world teyvat is located in right?#but also what if going to the land away from the heavenly principals' eyes and becoming one with the land of the people#counts as not being an outlander#the irminsul is also technically part of the 'light realm' right?#how to make sense of that and the samsara cycles?#supposedly we're living through the fourth cycle (first half) and that cycle is called khraun-arya... similar to khaenri'ah...#the text at the tower of the narzissenkreuz ordo says the human spirit undergoes loss of paradise then defeat of evil dragons then original#sin and baptism and then freedom from the gods#this is massive!!! not only big picture wise but also in the way it perfectly describes the fontaine arc#and khaenri'ah still exists these are very much very similar concepts too#i think the end of our journey might be trying to break the samsara cycles once and for all? as long as they continue then any nation#who disobeys celestia will fall#what does this have to do with my original point? no idea actually agjshs#but what if this isn't like the first time the twins are in teyvat?#also the fact we have a twin and twins is such a common theme in genshin is so!!!! is one of the twins created after the other?#this is too much for my pea brain#please don't take anything of what i said seriously this is just a random post with my thoughts while i was drinking tea#the twins are just so intriguing#it's also curious that there's two shades of phanes we know nothing about#we know of istaroth and the shade of life but there's two left#them there's the weird melusine lines about paimon and the traveller#paimon having a string connecting her beyond the sky wasn't even the most surprising#the melusine saying they see the traveller as a monster that could swallow the world whole in a single bite is so !!!!#i think it's safe to say from the way the twins use the elements that they're above archons in terms of power scaling and hierarchy#whatever that means#paimon being a puppet just wouldn't surprise me but i don't think paimon is fooling us she might just be as clueless as we are tbh#she could even be some sort of being like furina was to egeria as far as we know#okay i'll shut up now because I'm not saying anything that makes sense or actually being productive 😂
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I click into Twitter for five seconds and am instantly reminded that traffictwt is an unhinged place. They remind me simultaneously of boomers trying to meme and middle schoolers taking themselves too seriously.
#apparently cringe isn't dead it just retired to Twitter where it spends its time#saying incredibly inappropriate things in full sincerity and getting angry at people for invented sins#they're all both 11 and 65 and can't take a joke but also can't make one without being weird about it#your unholy stan culture vs our sacred whatever the heck tumblr is#at least we know to not take ourselves seriously#discourse#maybe. i don't even know. I'm just old and cranky this morning i think
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so he's going to unite all the kingdoms and convert everyone just so he can keep fucking that guy guilt-free?? the dick must be insane
#also props to the dude for making up the dumbest excuse to have gay sex#''the bigger the kingdom the bigger the faith so it will balance our sin''??? i mean sure okay whatever works for you#tlk#the last kingdom#the last kingdom spoilers
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Girls will take a nap at eight pm, have an extremely realistic dream about the apocalypse, and wake up at midnigjtb with absolutely no thoughts except “what the actual fuck”
#been having a lot of apocalypse dreams lately#specifically zombie ones. which sucks because zombies are the worst.#but i mean?? they’re getting less alarming at least??#i did run into a religious cult in my dreams last night though!#they would go around and leave the undead inside peoples homes & encampments#cause the living needed to repent for their sins or whatever#it was fun!! it was a bit disturbing!! I got the hell away from there very fast!!#i also failed miderably at driving#but it wasn’t as bad as the nightmares I have about crashing the car so. win!!!#i also ran into somebody listening to high noon over Camelot on CD#so I obviously went to say hello#and i may have rambled a bit#anyways they kind of just ignored me :(#it made me sad#also also also I had to hide from a zombie in a shitty school cabinet!! worst expirience ever!! would not reccomend!!#my lover died. and then like then years later my encampment starts having major issues. because why not.#“we DONT need an electric fence” they said. “an electric fence will be detrimental to the encampment” they said.#and then the encampment got fucking DESTROYED. because of our shitty fence.#sorry sorry im weirdly passionate about this world I dreamt of.#i need to go sleep now. I’m eepy.
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ladue is bringing something out of me (latent orchestra nerd remembering what it was like to participate in a school orchestra)
#speculation nation#i remembered the liminality of visiting other schools after-hours for competitions#waiting around in dim lunch rooms as we waited for our turns#as other schools' orchestras sat in different sections of the room in their own little islands of people#thinking of being the 4th chair of the first violin section of our advanced orchestra (out of 3 orchestras)#in theory the 4th best violinist of my school in my senior year of high school. out of 3 orchestras' worth of violinists#man i really miss that time. yea senior year was also literally one of the worst times of my life BUT#i played a lot of really fun music. so maybe it was all worth it in the end.#i miss waiting around for concerts to begin just straight up gaming lmfao#i'd always bring my 3ds or psp or psvita to school. whatever had my fancy at the time. 3ds was always a fav tho#but strong memories of sitting with my psp playing persona 2 innocent sin as i waited for concerts to begin#hearing eikichi's 'singing' with a general din of practicing string instruments sounded around me#i hated my fucking Life during that time. but orchestra was always something i enjoyed.#i miss it. i missssssss it. god i really need to find a way to join an orchestra sometime bc MAN
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JUST FATHER ACTIVITIES
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Imagine in an alternative universe, somehow you and your baby daddy Thanos escape the games (don't ask me how) and you guys pay off all of your debts and have financial stability
Basically father! Thanos headcannons!!
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First of all, thanos is a girl dad. Idc i do not make the rules you CANNOT and WILL not change my mind otherwise
After the games, irrelevant of whether you were also in the games with him or not, he'd quit his drug addiction and go to a rehabilitation for the sake of your daughter
You couldn't change him, but atleast your daughter could
Thanos would go with you to the gynae every single time without fail, he'd brag about it (very loudly) though
"Look" thanos points at all the patients in the waiting room in the gynae clinic "how many women do you see with their husband's accompanying them?"
"Thanos shut the fuck up" you'd hiss at him, while hitting his arm. The women around you guys giving you the stink eye which he proudly gave back
"I'm just saying the truth- is it a sin to speak the truth?!?"
Will brag to the doctor and nurses too
"Say doctor miss" he leans back at his chair with his head held up high "how many husband's accompany their wives to the clinic?"
"Oh well that depends, not all the time-"
*insert thanos's loud proud laugh, his head thrown back while you grimace*
"I'm the fucking best aren't i"
*insert your slow head shaking* "Yes babe, you sure are"
He was always protective of you, but it grew even stronger after he found out you were pregnant
The type to protect you from a pigeon if he felt like it looked at you for a second too long
"Wtf are you looking at you cross eyed motherfucker"
*glares at the pigeon from a distance"
The type of person to hyper fixated on whatever small movement you do cause he's doesn't want you to get hurt
"Oh be careful be careful" *Holds your hand* "hold my hand and dont let go, use your other hand on the railing"
Says that he doesn't need to read or watch those "pregnancy classes" or "how to take care of a new born" classes cause he's already fully prepared
You later find out that he signed up for one of those seminars online and attends those lectures at night while your asleep
Bro probably has even stronger baby fever than you do
Buys things for the baby and you
"Thanos.. what's that in your hand"
"It's a costume, a ironman costume"
"For?"
"Our daughter 🙄 duh y/n"
"Babe, she still isn't even born"
"I got you a costume too" *takes out a black widow costume that seemed a little too racey* "you should try wearing it now just incase-"
*he got hit by you for trying to get you pregnant again while you were pregnant*
Let's say nam gyu wasn't the slimy bitch he was in the series
Best GODFATHER ever. GOATED godfather, S TIER godfather
I already mentioned this but I'm sure Thanos and nam gyu would come up with names for the baby
I'm talking wack ass names that they genuinely find cool
The list of names would include marvel character names (cause cmon, the child's dad is literally called thanos) or rapper names
"Add cardi b on the list too"
"You know that's not her real name right?" Nam gyu asked, pausing before quickly scribbling the name down
"WHAT?!? Since when??"
I'm sure nam gyu even accompanied the two of you to the clinic atleast once or twice
He was banned from coming though cause him and Thanos together made too much noise
Whenever you and thanos are in public, it doesn't matter if your in a cafe or restaurant or if your just out for a walk
If he meets anyone and i mean anyone
He'd tell them that he was gonna be a dad
"Hey do you know that I'm gonna be a dad?" *points at you* "and that's the mom- she's carrying my baby"
"Sir I'm the waiter"
On the softer note though
Kisses you on the lips first and then kisses your stomach second before you both go to sleep
If you groan or even if he senses a inch of your discomfort he'll automatically try to figure out a way to make you feel in ease
Tries his best not to annoy you
(It doesn't always work cause being annoying is his entire personality trait but it's the effort that counts!!)
Ties your shoelaces for you cause you can't bend over
Traces shapes over your stomach while you both lie next to eachother
Reminds you how pretty you are everyday
"If I'm the legend Thanos, then I guess you would be a myth, cause only a face like yours could make a man like me want to quit"
"Your so corny"
But you wouldn't have it any other way
#fanfic#squid game#squid game x reader#squid game x you#squid game 2#squid game seasone 2#squid game 2 x reader#x reader#squid game headcanons#thanos x reader#thanos#thanos squid game#squid game thanos x reader#squid game thanos#thanos headcannon#choi su bong headcannon#choi su bong#choi su bong x reader#su bong#su bong x reader#t.o.p x reader#t.o.p bigbang#t.o.p#thanos fluff#thanos fanfic
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*The Eucharist is the body of Christ under the appearances of bread and wine.
**God is bound to these sacraments, meaning he always gives grace through them when they are done, but he is not bound by these sacraments, meaning that God can do literally whatever he wants and can of course go around them and provide grace in other ways.
***7 sacraments, listed: Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Eucharist, Confession, Anointing of the Sick, Holy Orders, and Matrimony.
Feel free to add nuance in the tags or talk about why you find the teachings strange! Let me know if there's anything utterly baffling that I didn't include!!!
Also please remember to be respectful!!! Not everyone knows theology like you might!!!
#catholic#catholicism#christianity#christian#protestant#theology#religious studies#religion#world religions#theological insights#catholic things#polls#tumblr polls#poll
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Under His Wing - Jenson Button
Words: 1,177 Summary: Oscar had thought when Mark had taken his sister under his wing that it was a great idea. Turns out it was the worst idea in the world as he stares at a picture of Jenson and his sister kissing. Note(s): Reader is Oscar’s sister. Large age gap between her and Jenson. No part two will be written.
Masterlist | Support Me! | Part of Sin's 5k & B-Day Celebration
Oscar had four sisters. All younger than him and all equally as annoying and he didn’t have a favorite. It would be unfair really. But if he was to have a favorite sister? It would be Y/N.
They were nearly twins, just ten months apart, but you’d never think so with the way she always tagged along with him everywhere.
When he moved to the UK for his racing career, six months later she joined him. When he moved out of boarding school and into a flat, she joined him. She joined him at races, at pr and press events, she always joined him. And thankfully when Mark became his manager in 2020 he recognized how important she was to him, really how important his family was to him, and as soon as she got her degree she was working with Mark.
Oscar had been beyond grateful, because she loved f1 just as much as he did, she just didn’t have an interest in driving. She did want a career in it and Mark had given her that opportunity without Oscar having to beg whatever team he was a part of to give her a chance or make her an employee of his, which would have not worked for either of them.
He’s beyond grateful for the chance that Mark gave her, for what Mark has done for him, for his career, for taking them both under his wing, but now as he stares at the photo on his phone, he wishes that he never let Mark Webber meet his sister.
—
“Jenson.” She giggles as he presses kisses to her neck.
He grins at the sound, nipping at the thin skin and reveling in her gasp. “Yes, sweetheart?”
Her temple presses briefly against his as she gently shakes her head. “I want a kiss.”
He can hear the pout on her lips, the wide-eyed look she has on her face, as she tries to get what she wants. Not, he thinks, that she really has to try and convince him to give her anything.
“Come here, sweetheart.” He murmurs, turning her so she’s facing him and sure enough, she’s pouting up at him, her bottom lip sticking out beautifully. “You want a kiss?”
She nods.
Leaning down, he kisses her, taking that bottom lip of hers in between his own. “Is that better?”
“Much.” She sighs, making him kiss her again.
Releasing her, he watches as she goes over to her bag and pulls out of her phone. A joke is on the tip of his tongue about kids and their phones these days, but his dominant hand is pulling his own phone out of his pants pocket, wanting to check his messages before seeing if he can convince her to join him in the shower, a light sweat clinging to him from their hike.
His eyebrows furrow at the sheer amount of missed calls and texts he has and he quickly answers the next call.
“Mark, Is everything alright?”
“Jenson.”
“What’s going on?” He asks, shooting a concerned glance at Y/N, whose looking at her phone, confused.
“Are you in California right now?”
“Yes.”
“Are you with anyone?”
His eyebrow raises, “no. Why?”
“So, Y/N Piastri, Oscar’s sister and my assistant isn’t with you.”
Jenson freezes. “How did you-?”
The older cuts him off. “You two were spotted on a hike, kissing.”
“Fuck.” He drags a hand over his face while the one holding his phone, pulls the device away from his ear and mouth a bit. “Sweetheart, we’ve got a bit of a problem.”
“Does the problem have anything to do with why Oscar has nonstop been calling and texting me?” She asks, moving back over to him and he winces as she watches her let another call from Oscar just ring through.
“We got spotted on our hike.” He tells her, as he puts his phone on speaker. “Mark called as well.” He doesn’t mention any of the other names he also saw littering his phone screen, that could wait until after.
“How bad is it?”
“PR wise?” Jenson’s nose wrinkles, face twisting in disgust at how that’s the first thing Mark says, considers, even though it’s his job in some sort. “Not too bad. There’s a lot of shock, questions. It’s more Oscar I’m worried about.”
“He’s not happy.”
“Happy?” Mark laughs. “He apparently went ballistic seeing the photos. Lily called me, she was with him when he saw. Last update I had from her, he was trying to get Max to give him his private jet so he could come to California to kill Jenson. Since y’know he found out through twitter that his little sister is doing something with a guy twice her age.”
“You introduced us.” Jenson protests.
“Yeah, because I thought you’d be good friends. Not,” he pauses unsure of what to call it.
“Dating?” She fills in for him.
“Yeah, dating.” He sighs. “Did anyone know before this?”
“No.” They both answer at the same time.
Mark sighs again. “Alright, well it’s time to start talking. You need to call your own manager Jenson, Y/N call Oscar, we can handle our side of the PR after Jenson gets his figured out.”
“Got it. Sorry, Mark.”
“Don’t worry about it, kid.”
Before Jenson can say anything the call is ended and he’s staring at his phone, bemused. “I think he likes you more than me.”
She laughs. “Well, do you blame him?”
He quickly shakes his head. “No. Be stupid to not like you.” He dips his head down, wanting a kiss, but she steps away, shaking her head.
“No, not happening. You can get a kiss after you talk to your manager and I talk Oscar out of killing you.”
Jenson winces, that was not going to be a fun conversation. “I’m alright with a bit of light maiming.”
“Jenson.”
“Sweetheart,” he chuckles at the serious look on her face. “He’s going to want to kill and hurt me. I’m sure your mum and dad are the same way. I’m sure next time I see Mark I’m going to get a nice elbow to the ribs. It’s just what’s going to happen. I made my piece with that after our fifth date.”
She pouts and he can’t help but pull her into a hug. “I don’t want you to get hurt and I don’t want anyone fighting about this.”
“I know.” He kisses the top of her head. “And we can hope that it doesn’t happen, that it goes more smoothly than how it feels currently, but we both knew that us being together would rock the boat.”
“I think we need a bigger boat.”
He snorts. “Maybe. Now let’s make our calls, get them done and over with yeah?”
“Yeah.” She sighs, pulling away from him before smiling and then she’s pouting up at him again, just like earlier. “Kiss?”
He shakes his head, but brushes their lips together for just half a second. “There ya go, sweetheart. Little something to tide you over.”
@crashingwavesofeuphoria @jointhehunt67 @gothgirlez @namgification @KimmiB13 @racingheartsposts @gemofthenight @peachiicherries @lpab @hiireadstuff @iloveyou300morgan @boiohboii @bibliosaurous @skepvids @elliegrey2803 @tallrock35 @casperlikej
#jenson button x reader#jenson button imagine#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 x reader#the things i would let jenson do to me...#i mean what?#sins 5k bday bash fics#sins fics
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No Sweeter Innocence than Our Gentle Sin Pt.1 | Remus Lupin x Reader
Pairing: Priest!Remus x reader
Word Count: 8.6 k
Prompt: You did not want to go to church that day, but your spirits are uplifted when you meet Father Remus, and your mind starts creating a mischievous scheme, to both retaliate over those years of being forced to go and take something from them.
Alternatively, R is really mad at the church and decides to steal one of their priests for it (but also kind of falls for him).
Warnings: SMUT, Non-apt for Christians(?). Reader is a little cynical (or maybe cynical Af). Suggestive talks, touching oneself, fingering. Reader seduces a Priest (so whatever you might expect from that), hierophiIia, corruption!kink, praise!kink (if you squint). Consent is sexy!
Proofread by lovely @aremuslupinsimp
Part 2 is out now!
♡ NSFW: Smut under the cut
ACT I: Remember to keep holy the LORD’s Day
You really didn’t want to go to church. You had one hell of a week and you were incredibly tired so when you got the phone call with your grandma inviting you to go, you were about ready to say no.
But your grandma has always been extremely catholic, and while you weren’t anymore, you hadn’t seen her in a while, and you missed her. Her being in town for your short vacation was a good enough reason to visit her more often (she was staying with your parents) and if you’d have to live through a whole hour of some boring priest talking about all the things that are wrong with society nowadays, then you would. Even if you didn’t want to.
That didn’t stop you from being cranky over the fact that you’d have to wake up extra early to take the 40-minute ride to the church she claimed “was the best one in the city,” according to her priest back at home (of course she couldn’t just ask you to the nearest fucking church).
Breathe, you told yourself. This is for your grandma, you repeated as you sat on the narrow seat of public transport, next to the gym bro that smelled like he could use a shower and whose massive arms would bump into you whenever the bus went through a pothole.
When you finally reached your spot, you had to wake him up so he would move his massive legs to the side and you could fucking pass through, walking down the bus in the sea of people that for some reason had taken the same one. Once outside you took a deep breath and tried to relax again. You didn’t want to look as pissed as you felt when you finally saw your grandma. At least it was a fucking cloudy day and you wouldn’t have to deal with the sun as you walked the 4 blocks left you had until you arrived at the church.
Who the fuck would invent a church so goddamn far from everything important? You wondered as you approached.
Oh, you thought once you saw it. Someone who wanted a lot of space then.
The church was massive. And while you might have been prone to exaggerate when you were pissed, you were far from exaggerating now. It was almost a small castle, maybe the largest church in the city, certainly the largest one you had seen in your life (not that you had seen a great many but certainly a few).
On the outside, there were very many intricate details carved, a few gargoyles at the top in a very Notre Dame-esque sort of way. Except while Notre Dame ended in a very square and neat way, the towers of this one extended far above the roof and ended in a pointy, almost menacing sort of way. You had been so absorbed by the intricate details of the tower, that you didn’t realise you were walking straight into someone.
“Uhh sorry,” you said as you stumbled back, pulling your gaze from the structure and towards the person right in front of you. You were absorbed by him the second your eyes met his: golden brown, almost shining with the way the sun was hitting them. You weren’t sure you had ever seen a more perfect person in your life, they were exactly your–
“I see you’ve met Father Remus!” Your grandma said as she grabbed onto your arm and pulled you back from him a couple more steps.
Father? He’s married? You wondered until you noticed his clothes, all-black suit, white necktie, she meant Father as in Priest?!?
The man –Remus– smiled, gentle, sweet and caring. “Nice to meet you…” there was silence. It took you a second to realise the man was expecting your name, and you gave it to him, fast and still slightly disoriented.
“Come on, angel,” your nan said as she pulled you towards the entrance. “We can talk after the mass.”
“Nice to meet you, Remus,” you said, turning up your most charming smile as you waved goodbye to the man. His eyes seemed to trail on your hand, but your grandma pulled you again, and you were forced to turn around.
“It’s Father Remus,” your grandma corrected.
“Right, sorry,” you said, almost carelessly, not carelessly enough for her to notice, though.
“I’m glad you came, I don’t think any of your cousins made it.”
“Oh, it was nothing, Nan,” you said as you turned around to see if Remus was still around. He was not anymore, you turned back to her. “It’s lovely to be here with you.”
That wasn’t entirely a lie, you liked spending time with her, she was lovely. But you did not like going to the church, you had long parted with the catholic ideals and you weren’t interested in most of the archaic teachings of the church. Especially the homophobic ones, you thought the closed-mindedness of the church was a terrible thing, and that it stopped many people from being who they truly were, not to mention how it affected a lot of people you knew. It was because of that close-mindedness that some of your friends had to hide themselves from their parents. Because god forbid their children were gay.
Now, not everything about the church was bad, some values were good and important, but at this point in the progressive world, perhaps the bad outweighed the good. And in the end, religions were just a way of controlling the masses, no surprise the church service was called “mass”.
You could have made a list of everything that was wrong, in a very Lutheran manner, sent it to your grandma and never attended again, but she was old and you knew there was no way she’d understand, especially when she’d been conditioned to think a certain way for far more years than you’d been alive. So instead, you decided to sit through the service with her, and make her happy, rather than be the rebel you sometimes wanted to be.
Ah the service, it was boring until Remus came out. If you thought he’d look handsome in the cassock, you could have been awestruck when you saw him wearing that white alb. Yes, those Sunday school days had taught you enough. He wore a cincture around the waist that matched the alb, and you’d swear you deserve hell when you pictured yourself pulling the entire thing off him in a secret corner of the massive church. In the middle of mass, while the head priest kept talking about things related to Jesus and how he saved someone or whatever, you were thinking of calm and collected Father Remus, losing control and giving in to the lust of the flesh, and all of it for you.
A small smirk played on your face as you thought of all the things you’d like to do to Remus, of all the sounds you’d have him make. Was it sinful? Perhaps. Did it warrant hell? Most likely. Luckily, you didn’t believe in hell any more than you believed in heaven.
And then it came to you. The idea that would certainly warrant a hell of a lot more than your lewd imaginings. If stealing was a sin, then how sinful would it be to steal something from god? To pilfer one of his men for yourself?
What an ungodly thing to do, so devilish that perhaps you wouldn’t be in hell to be punished but rather to punish. Was it perhaps a revenge for being forced into church for so many years, for having to sit through hours of Sunday School and the indoctrination you had to put up with but somehow managed to see past? Yeah. But at this point, you weren’t sure you cared. Something about Remus had sucked you in like a moth to a flame and you wanted to cling to whatever that was. Otherwise, you might have not be able to go through with your plan.
It wouldn’t happen all in one day, it couldn’t happen all in one day. It had to be slow, steady, and repetitive, like the snake tempting Eve, like Eve tempting Adam. You hadn’t seen yourself as a sexy woman throughout your life, at least not the kind of Sexy Femme Fatale that men seemed to live and diе for in movies. No, you had never been like that, and you wouldn’t start today. But you would perform the most outrageous and strong act of seduction you had ever thought of and it had to be done perfectly, or you wouldn’t get what you wanted.
What was it that you wanted again? Right, you wanted Remus Lupin.
ACT II: Thou shall not steal
“When was the last time you confessed?” Your Nan whispered as she leaned onto you, people were already standing for communion.
You hesitated. “I’m not sure, Nan.”
She hummed in return, clearly disapproving of your distancing from the church. You were sure she would have called you heathen if you said the truth, it had been years.
“I could go up and confess now,” you said as you looked at the confessionary in the back, you had seen Remus enter it, but you suspected it was too soon to start with the plan.
“No darling, repent for your sins and you can confess later. Perhaps after mass.”
“Or during the week,” you said with a knowing smile.
“Isn’t it a long way from your apartment?”
“I’m sure it’ll be worth it anyway.”
She stood up and took the communion, leaving you sitting on the chair and looking at the way people would walk toward the altar. Judging them, if that made sense. There was a woman who accommodated her breasts back in her seat before standing up, she threw a look at one of the other priests as she took the host. You gave her an approving sort of glance before you turned to someone else. Now you didn’t exactly consider her way of seducing appealing, but then again, yours wouldn’t be much better either. So to each their own. The man behind her had been touching himself in the very back of the church and had stared at her ass throughout the entire line, probably for more material.
Sinners, the church claiming to be so saint, and it was full of them.
You weren’t much better than them either, the difference is that you didn’t harbour the same hate towards yourself for it. No, you knew what nature was and you knew that despite how much we humans pretended to be better, we still were all animals. And there are a few things that animals want and need. Love, or the act of love, was one of them. That’s what you’d be using to your favour.
When your Nan came back, you helped her kneel and do her praying; all the while you attentively looked around. Remus had left the concessionary already and he was at the front with the rest of the priests. He spotted you looking at him and you smiled kindly, innocently at him. The kind of smile someone with the thoughts surging in your head wouldn’t be able to give, and yet, you accomplished it seamlessly.
He gave you a courteous nod and you reciprocated it. The rest of the mass was as boring as you’d expect it to be; except for the fact that Remus was looking at you rather often, either he was curious about their new parishioner, or he was interested. Either way, you were sure you’d be able to use that in your favour.
When the mass was over, you had to wait for all of them to exit the church first and then you helped your Nan stand and walked with her towards the entrance. Remus was there, giving short blessings and handing out some pamphlets about donations and other similar stuff. Your grandma was the one to pull you towards him. “What a wonderful mass,” she said. “Father Ernest was onto something when he told me to come here while I was in the city.”
“Thank you,” Remus said bashfully, you could almost see him blush at the praise. What would a real blush look on him? You were dying to know.
“Wonderful indeed, although I would have liked to hear your interpretation of the verses, Remus,” You said.
“Father Remus,” your grandma corrected.
“Oh, it’s fine. If it feels more personal you may call me just Remus, dear one.”
You tried to hold back the snide smile you would have thrown your Nan had it been any other woman. You could call him Remus. You were a dear one.
“Right, perhaps another day,” you added with a smile and pulled your grandma to the side so the next person could take the blessing.
“I preach on Wednesdays,” Remus said, tone borderline desperate, as he raised his head over the people and women piling around him. Clearly, you weren’t the only one to harbour a little crush on Father Remus. It didn’t matter though, because you’d be the one to have him.
Next Wednesday you didn’t make any plans, and you put on something simple but elegant. A squared-neck shirt and a pair of jeans. When you arrived at the church, you didn’t waste as much time admiring it, instead, you decided to walk straight inside. His mass had started already, and you sneaked in through the side until you reached the third row of seats. There weren’t as many people as you’d expect on a Wednesday, but Remus was preaching like there were hundreds. He was wonderful.
He had a way with words that made you want to listen, perhaps if you weren’t so cynical, it would even convert you. But rather than thinking of his prayer, you were thinking of how incredible he would be as a teacher, you imagined the students, squirming for him and his words in their seats. You imagined the older, more daring girls going after him. You were lucky that wasn’t the situation, the kind of woman that could seduce any man had the benefit of practice that you didn’t. You wouldn’t have stood a chance against them.
But the kind of woman that went to the church, the kind that flocked to him at the end of mass, they weren’t a threat. They were too pious to try anything even remotely similar to what you had in mind. In fact, you even dared to think you were lucky that he had been a priest and not a teacher because then he would have perhaps been married, and while you were willing to take a man from god, you would never take one from another woman. You had limits.
After the mass was over, you waited a few minutes before leaving the church “accidentally” bumping into him again. “Remus,” you said with a smile. “We seem to continue bumping into each other,” you added as you leaned closer to him and pressed your cheek to his, making a low smacking sound, and then repeating on the other side. He looked bewildered at the contact. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I make you uncomfortable? I got this habit while I was in France and I still haven’t shaken it off completely.”
“Oh… No, no,” hesitant, bashful, you loved every bit of it. “Not at all, it’s fine. You can greet me however you like.”
“Is that privilege reserved to me, or does every other parishioner have it?” He seemed taken aback by your words. “I’m joking, Remus,” you added and placed your hand on his arm, before pulling it back tentatively. “Your mass was wonderful.”
“Thank you, I’m lucky to work at Saint Gryffin.”
“The way I see it, Saint Gryffin is lucky to have you. I mean lots of women come here to see the beautiful priest Remus.”
“You think?” he asked. Remus didn’t exactly consider himself handsome, he thought his scars would scare people away rather than attract them. But he sometimes failed to see past them and didn’t pay attention to his beautiful eyes, to his charming smile, to his long lashes, or to his well-toned frame. It was as if he had been carved by Michael Angelo himself, from your perspective.
“For sure,” you replied. “Take a closer look at the way they look at you on Sunday and you’ll see.” He blushed, a deeper shade of red than your Nan had pulled out of him, you resisted the urge to bite your lip and smiled instead. “Today was lovely, I’ll see you around,” you said before waving goodbye and exiting the church.
You went again a week later, Remus would sometimes lose his focus on the bible and look at you instead. That day you had chosen a skirt. Nothing too short or indecent, but certainly short enough to allow your legs to be seen and admired. An older man hadn’t stopped staring at you throughout the mass, and you would have perhaps told him off if it hadn’t been for the fact that Remus had been in a similar position.
Remus’ distraction, his hesitance and his constant turning to you were enough to drive your attention away from the man and onto him. You would smile, and you would nod, and you would pretend to be a supportive little lamb. Innocent, and meek and kind. Just what he expected from you. And it was that Wednesday, the third time that you’d met him, that you realised you had him right where you wanted him to be.
He for sure had a thing for you, be it curiosity, admiration, or a small crush. You had gotten his attention, and you had gotten into his mind. Now all you needed was to have him.
ACT III: Thou shall not Covet someone else’s property
The next Wednesday you had been late, you had allowed your hair to be slightly dishevelled and your cheeks were warm, despite the autumn getting colder. You had bitten your lips and you looked like you had just gotten away from a dire situation. You’d done it on purpose. When his gaze fell on you he almost stopped talking completely. He staggered to complete his words and you nodded for him to go on. When he was done, he rushed out, and you stayed in your seat. Eyes closed and hands clasping each other, pretending to pray.
That’s when you felt a gentle hand on your shoulder, he whispered your name. “Are you okay, Little Lamb?”
It took a real effort not to laugh at his nickname. Not because you thought it was stupid, but because you were so far from a lamb that you might as well have been the wolf that ate it. You turned to him, fake distress clouding your features, “I’ve done something terrible, Remus.”
He was kind, almost impossibly so, it almost made you want to stop your plan and leave him the pure man he was.
Almost.
“I’m sure there’s nothing you could do, that was as bad as you’ve described.”
“I’d like to confess,” you said. “Would you take my confession?”
Remus seemed hesitant, biting his lip. He knew he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t hear your confession, not when he wanted to maintain a personal relationship with you, not when he’d develop a crush. But it was in your preoccupied gaze, in the small frown that etched your features, in the way your lips curved down and in the bobbing of your throat as you swallowed. How ever could he deny you?
Oh, those thoughts would be the ones that would drag him into sin, nay, not drag, but rather, waft him into it. If Remus hadn’t been so enamoured by you, perhaps corrupting him would have proved a harder task to accomplish for you.
“Okay,” he said simply. And helped you stand. Guiding you towards the empty confessionary and sitting in his spot as you opened the door to the other one. It was a narrow place, enough for you to sit. There was a screen dividing the two of you, you couldn’t see him, but you suspected he could see you. And there was a small, square hole in between, enough to fit perhaps a hand. You assumed it was there in case you’d like to give something to the priest, as a thank you.
Remus cleared his throat, and in the most professional way he could muster he said, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. My child, what brings you to the sacrament of confession today?”
His voice had been different, stronger as if he was trying not to be himself. You loved it. “Father, I come seeking forgiveness for my sins. I have strayed from the path of righteousness and I seek reconciliation,” you let your voice bend and crack near the end.
“I am here to listen, my child. Let us begin with a moment of reflection. Take a moment to examine your conscience and bring to mind the sins you wish to confess.”
You held back the smirk that threatened to appear when he said that, just in case he was actually able to see you. “I have fallen in love with a man I cannot have.”
“Oh, darling,” he said, that was Remus, not Father Remus. You had cracked through his façade and you hadn’t even started. “That is not a sin. It’s happened to the best of us.”
“But it is a sin the way I think of him, Father,” you responded. You heard a sharp intake of breath, but he didn’t speak further. “I have dreamt of him, of his lips, of his eyes with long lashes, the way his hair frames his face, of his beautiful and strong hands–” Remus tried not to be jealous of the man you described, but everything about him seemed perfect, and unlike himself, he probably could have you. Your beautiful lips, and eyes, focused solely on him. He hated the guy already. “–sliding between my legs, and touching me.”
“Do not speak further,” there was an edge of alarm in his voice. A bit of a broken end to it.
“Oh but Father I must,” you said. “If I don’t I’m afraid I’ll act upon my feelings in the same way I did today while thinking of him.”
“You…” he hesitated. “You touched yourself… Is that why you’re here?”
“Yes,” you replied with a frown, almost a wince, all of it an act, of course.
“Pray Our Father 10 times and–”
“No! Allow me to relate my story, Father,” he tried to stop you. “I must, I must, or then I might go to him and offer myself in a terrible, ungodly manner and then I won’t ever be deserving of the church ever again.”
Frankly, you didn’t even know how you’d gotten so inspired, but Remus relented, nodding and when he realised you hadn’t heard, he bit his cheek and said. “Go on then.”
You sighed, that was a real sigh, you weren’t sure you’d get this far. “I had a dream of him, Father. He was handsome as ever, and he looked at me, with such kind eyes, with such loving eyes, that when he leaned in to kiss me, I didn’t stop him.”
Remus was already praying for himself. He did not want to imagine you in your bed, your hair sprawled over the pillow and your mind away in a dream, kissing another man.
“I didn’t stop him when he pinned me against the wall, and I didn’t stop him when his hand dug under my shirt. I said nothing when it travelled to my breast, and I all but moaned when he pinched my nipple.”
“That is enough, I get the idea.”
“But that’s not the whole dream,” you protested, you sounded mortified. How could he stop your repentance for his own misguided thoughts? A man of God wasn’t supposed to harbour this kind of feelings for a fellow human, he was not meant to like you so much, and his pants were not meant to be as uncomfortable.
“You don’t have to go onto the details–”
“But Father, I must repent for all of my sins.”
Remus sighed, “Go on then.”
“And then when he reached down, oh Remus, I spread my legs for him rather than shut them close…” you didn’t say a thing. You could hear his breathing had gotten a lot more ragged. “He slid this hand through my knickers and touched me, that place that should only be touched by your husband. And… it felt good. I moaned his name until my voice went hoarse in the dream. I saw him pump himself and woke up as he rubbed his cock onto my folds.”
There was a sigh of relief when he thought the story was over. “It is good that you repent–”
“The worst part is yet to come.” You said, and you breathed. “When I awoke, I felt a wetness between my legs. My underwear was moist and the stickiness had rubbed onto my legs. I know I shouldn’t have done it, Remus, but I couldn’t resist the temptation. I wanted to know if it would feel as good as in the dream.”
“Child.”
“I reached down and repeated the actions the man had done to me. My fingers weren’t as strong or secure, but I found a spot that felt incredible, and I kept touching it, rubbing it, circling around it.”
Remus’ boner was straining against his pants in an almost painful way. He wanted to let go, he wanted to set him free and chase his own pleasure at your words. At how he pictured you in your bed, sweaty and sighing as you touched yourself. You were so beautiful, he found innocence even in the way you sinned.
“And then there was bliss, I thought I was dеad and had gone to heaven, but I came back, vision cloudy and disoriented. My bedsheets were sticky with my juices and I had to change them. I’ve been in a permanent state of shame ever since then.”
“Let us pray for your forgiveness,” Remus said. And my own, he thought. Now not only your sheets had been stained, but so had his pants, just from hearing you. You would have relished on the knowledge if you’d had it.
“Thank you, Father,” you said as you stood.
“Pray tell me child, whoever is this man that has you in such an altered state of mind?”
Got him! you thought as you turned your gaze to the confessionary. And almost in a whisper, you murmured. “Well, it’s you, Remus.”
ACT IV: Thou shall not commit adultery
Remus couldn’t stop thinking of you since that day. He’d get boners with the mere thought of you, with the idea of you going back to his confessionary and telling him all the lewd things you had done while thinking of him again.
He thought of you in the shower, and he thought of you in bed, and he thought of you while praying to try and take his mind away from you as well. He knew he was in deep trouble and he had no one he could talk to about his problem.
He had avoided touching himself, but it was hard and it was painful to ignore the throbbing sometimes, and he had to give in. Gently brushing his hand on top of his trousers until either it subdued or he came, completely forgetting who he was and thinking only of your hot lips in his and your legs wrapped around his waist as he kissed you in the exact same way he’d had you in your dream. A dream that had now become as much his as it had been yours.
The next Wednesday he was nervous. Bouncing his leg while he had breakfast and playing with his nails while he read the verse he’d have to give that day. His breath was stuck in his throat as he started to preach and he waited. And waited as he spoke and looked at the door and then back at the bible held between his hands and then back at the door.
You didn’t go to church that day.
Naturally, he was mortified. Thinking he had done something wrong, thinking he had scared you and thinking he’d pushed you away somehow. Thinking you were too scared to see him again after those lewd dreams, thinking –God forbid- you had chosen a different church to attend.
So when the next Wednesday you showed up with a small skirt (the smallest you had ever gone to church with) and a simple preppy-looking sweater he couldn’t help but be both relieved and terrified, all at the same time. You had tinted your lips red, not enough for it to be lipstick, but enough for them to look raw and bitten, and while your hair was perfectly put together, and your makeup right in place, there was something about you that screamed danger.
You sat right in the very first row. There were like 5 other people in the massive church that day. Someone sitting in the middle. A couple of old people in the back and a few others scattered around. No one young, and no one near the front either.
Oh, what a terrible thing it was that you were about to do.
Remus was quick to dismiss his deacons, asking them to go fetch something while he preached mass and they gave him a courteous nod while he started talking. As per usual, you listened attentively, paying close attention to the things he said, and despite yourself, often finding the things that you disagreed with. You realized he could barely take his eyes off you, and you slowly, spread your legs. Only a little, only enough to get his attention. You saw the way he licked his lips, and went back to talking. And you smiled. You pulled your ass back and opened yourself a little wider before crossing one leg over the other. You accommodated your skirt with your hand, slow and steady. Pulling your skirt up to show more skin before pulling it down and settling it in place, but only after he’d noticed, and seen as much of skin as possible, all the while, pretending to be doing it all innocently. Like you hadn’t worn that small skirt on purpose and like you hadn’t taken off your knickers and placed them in your bag in that public loo before walking inside the church.
When the mass ended, you saw Remus disappear into the confessionary. Onto the confession side. You saw him look around and then get inside, nervous as if scared to be seen. Probably trying to run away from you. When you made sure that there was no one left, you walked inside the other side. He was hunched, elbows leaning on his knees and head hidden between his hands. You thought you had gone too far since he looked like he had been crying, but you quickly realised he had been praying instead.
Sure, he’d have complicated thoughts, but your plan was meant to be fun for the two of you, and you wanted him to enjoy being corrupted as much as you enjoyed corrupting him.
“Remus,” you said tentatively. “Are you okay?”
He gasped and turned to the small division, he couldn’t see you, but you could see him perfectly. “It’s you.”
Rather than replying you cocked your head to the side. “Take a moment to examine your conscience and bring to mind the sins you wish to confess,” you joked. He gave you a stern look from the other side, a reproaching sort of look as if he wanted to tell you how terrible it was for you to impersonate a Priest, but he didn’t speak. “Or should I speak of mine first?”
“Please don’t.”
“Then sing, little bird.”
Remus huffed. “I’ve been thinking about a woman, non-stop.”
“A church woman?”
“I’m not sure if she really is a church woman anymore.”
“A devil?”
“No.”
You smiled, “Then, what’s so wrong about thinking of her?”
“I’m no ordinary man. It’s against my beliefs.”
“To think of a woman is against your beliefs?”
“To think of her in the way I’ve been thinking of her.”
“Which is?”
“As terrible as your dream, my darling.”
You smirked at that, biting your lip so hard you might have drawn bIood if you hadn’t stopped to say something else. “So you’ve been thinking of kissing me?”
“Yes.”
“Of touching me?”
“Yes,” he said, strained.
“Of fucking me?”
Silence.
“Have you thought of the sounds I would make, of the sighs and moans and groans?”
He closed his eyes, a deep frown etched on his features. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I used your confession to fuel my imaginations, to satisfy my carnal desires to–”
“That’s okay.”
“It is not!” he responded, distressed.
“Remus,” you said simply. “I wanted you to think of me,” you admitted. “I wanted you to think of me while you touched yourself the same way I thought of you while I did it. The same way I’ve been thinking of you while doing it, in fact.”
His head snapped your way, he seemed mortified, but you could also see one of his hands being brought down, adjusting his pants.
“Do you want me to tell you how I do it?”
“No,” he lied.
“Are you sure? I won’t ask again.”
He looked to the side, red from shame. He bit his lip. “Tell me.”
You smiled, “I lay in bed, and then these images come to my mind, I think of you, of your hands. They’re touching me, they’re everywhere. I don’t know where you ended and I start and I love every bit of it. It’s my hands that travel down my thighs but I think of them as yours. It is my fingers that slide in between my folds but I believe they’re yours.”
“Fucking hell,” he said, his grip on the wooden latch, grip tightening until his knuckles turned white. You peered through the blinds and realised the tent in his pants.
“Remus,” you said quietly. He turned to the wooden division, gaze strained, eyes filled with guilt, he was looking for you, but he couldn’t see past the squares and the small, shadow of you that got through. “Touch yourself.”
It was soft, the way you said it. Soft like a suggestion more than a command, but neither of you doubted it was the latter. And as if it had been a command from God himself, he listened and did what told. He patted himself over his black pants and hissed at the strain he’d been on. It was almost painful, how constricted and trapped his cock had been.
“Soft,” you said then, watching, resisting your own temptation to dig your hand under your skirt. “Be kind to yourself, Remus, you deserve it.”
He listened, and continued to rub himself, passing his hand back and forth and allowing it to help with the strain. “Te” –he stuttered– “tell me how you feel.”
“The inner side of my legs is soft, incredibly so,” you said. “I get chills when I run my hands close to my core.”
“It’s wet,” you said then. You had dug your hand under your skirt now. “Really wet.”
He could hear your breaths getting sharper, he assumed you were also touching yourself on the other side and he could barely think properly, barely command his hand to do what it needed to do to help himself.
“That looks painful,” you said as you saw him continue to rub himself over his trousers. “Take yourself out.”
“What?” he asked, confused.
“Touch yourself with your bare hand, Remus.”
He seemed like he would protest, so you decided to give him some encouragement. You placed your finger between your folds and brushed over your clit, emitting a soft moan, “Please.”
Just like before, Remus followed your command, unbuttoning his pants and pulling his boxers down enough so he could pull himself out. You smiled. “So beautiful, aren’t you?” you praised from the other side. He was long, thick and standing proud. He was hesitant at first, but he eventually placed his hand around himself. “Fuck,” he whispered. “I’d forgotten how good it feels.”
Of course, he had been a teenager once, of course, he had touched himself while feeling terrible for doing so and having grown up in a Christian household.
“Remus?”
“Yeah?” he asked, as he pumped. Slow and steady, as if he didn’t want to go too fast and show you how easy it was for him to cum at the thought of you.
“You’re making me insanely wet, I might have ruined your comfy little chair here.”
“Are you teasing me?”
“No, I’m being a good little lamb that tells no lies,” you said in response. “Ah… fuck.”
“What was that?”
“Just thinking of how incredible your hand would feel if it were doing what mine is?”
“Which is?”
“Shhh…” you said. He stopped moving. “You hear that?” you asked. It was a lewd wet sound. “It’s my finger, coming in and out of myself.”
Remus moaned your name and bit his lips. He came in his hand before he had time to really visualize you. “Ugh,” he said as he looked at the mess he’d made all over his hands, some of it also on his pants.
You took a handkerchief from your bag and passed it over your legs, collecting some of the sticky stuff between your folds and then you passed it through the small, opened section. Crossing your hand, the one with still glistening fingers over.
You knew he’d noticed the second his eyes opened wide. “So you clean yourself, I used it for myself too.” He bit his lip and carefully took it from your hands, and cleaned your fingers with it as if he tried to wash his sin by cleaning your equally sinful fingers. But he didn’t bring his cum covered hand even close to it. Let alone his cock. “What? You think it’s gross?”
“I don’t want to ruin it,” he said as he brought it close to his nose and sniffed, stifling a moan with the fabric. Now you were the speechless one. “Do you have a napkin?”
You somehow managed to pull a napkin from your bag and handed it over to him through the same place. He used that to clean himself and placed it neatly folded in one of his pockets.
“Can I keep this?” he asked as he held the handkerchief between two fingers.
“Yes,” you almost stuttered. You had never seen a man do something as ridiculous –and hot– as what he’d done.
“Will you disappear again, angel?”
“Angel?” you asked with a smirk, “I would think you’d see me as something else, a devil, perhaps.”
“Impossible, a devil wouldn’t be able to show me heaven like you did today.”
Speecheless, again. This man really could bring you to your knees. “Do you even want to see me again?”
“More than anything on this earth.”
“Fine then, I’ll come to confess tomorrow, how does that sound?”
“I’ll be waiting.”
ACT V: Thou shall honour your Mother and Father
After the heat of the moment, Remus felt the sudden urge to repent, to throw away the handkerchief and to pray in bed until his knees were raw from how much he’d been kneeling. And he tried, but even as he prayed he knew how pointless it was. The act of repenting, of praying and being forgiven for your sins, only worked if you actually felt regret over what you’d done.
But Remus was far from feeling remorseful. He had repented a great many things throughout his life. Not trusting his innocent best friend and blaming him for things that had happened, not doing more for the world when he had the chance and smaller, pesky things that most people wouldn’t bat an eyelash about but that he constantly put himself down for.
But having done what he did on the confessionary, hearing your small moans and the lewd sounds that you’d made for him, telling him what to do and how to do it, that he didn’t regret. On the other hand, he wanted to do it again. You had taken him to heaven and he was eager to see it again. And he did it, repeated the same actions, it was cold and dark and there was no one even close to his room when he pulled that handkerchief out and placed it on his face. Smelling the scent of you while he pulled himself out of his pants and jerked himself for the second time that day. He came with the thought of you at the confessionary and your name muffled by the handkerchief that he refused to move from his mouth. By the end, he was sore and delicate and he felt like he had pushed himself too hard, but he found the most peaceful sleep afterwards.
When he woke up again, he was still covered in his own cum and he had to wash the sheets of his bed in his sink before anyone noticed what he had done. The shame he felt diluting as the sun rose, and he imagined you coming back to the church. He pictured you in that small skirt you’d worn yesterday, or in the simple dress you’d taken the first time that you went to hear his mass. But he was not expecting to see you walk in the clothes you’d worn.
A white dress, long enough to reach mid-thigh, and made of soft sheer fabric layered one on top of another. He might have been imagining things but he would have sworn he could see your nipples perk through the thin fabric when you turned to him, a small, innocent smile on your face as you threw him a look and walked inside the confessionary. An angel, you really were an angel.
“Pretty thing, you’ve come back,” he said as he too walked in, this time taking the side that belonged to him, he loved that he could see you.
“I promised, Remus.”
“I know, angel. But I’m always scared I’ve dreamed you up, that you’re not real and that I was just imagining you all along.”
You smirked and pushed your hand through the small hole connecting the two of you, “I’m very real, Remus, you can touch me.”
He did, he placed his hand on top of yours and you heard a sigh of relief when his thumbs pressed onto your hand. He was careful and kind, passing his fingers over your knuckles and under your palm in a soft, gentle manner that was sending shivers down your spine. This poor man was breaking down for you, and yet he was the gentlest of them all.
“You really are,” he breathed. He didn’t know if he should be happy that you were real, or horrified by the things he’d done for you, of the things he’d do. His faith? He might have been willing to throw it all away for another chance to see you, for another chance to feel your hands, for your lips, your kisses. How could he believe in a God that had given him nothing, when you were here, willing to give him everything?
“Yesterday I saw it all and you barely got to hear me, I thought of showing you my sins rather than describing them to you today, is that okay, Father?” That last bit was a taunt, in the same way you’d been taunting him since the very beginning.
“Yes,” there was no hesitance, if anything, you would have only described the waver in his voice as excitement.
You couldn’t hold back the smirk that pulled from your lips, Remus’ breath hitched as you accommodated yourself in the chair. Leaning back and spreading your legs for him, letting the soft fabric of your dress fall in between your tights and slowly show the outline of your legs.
“When was the last time you saw a woman naked?”
“In real life? Never.”
Your head snapped to him, although all you could see was the outline of a shadow through the dark-edged wood, “Never?!? Pictures?”
“When I was around 15.” He admitted. “My best friend Peter once took a few magazines to school after the break. He said his father had gotten them for him on his 14th birthday and that he told them to take them back before his mother noticed. I barely remember them.”
“Did you jack off to them?”
“I stole a page,” he admitted with a bitter laugh. “It was this girl with a forest-green, transparent robe. I took her home with me, my father found it and he was enraged. He called me a monster and drove me straight into church.”
“The priest there took a look at the image, and made me kneel down on the rocky floor and pray for forgiveness. I don’t know if he forgot, or if he did it on purpose, but he said not to stand until he came back and he didn’t come back until 7 hours later.”
“My god,” you said. Remus didn’t even think of reprimanding you for taking his name in vain. “That must have been awful. Your parents were terrible.”
Remus shrugged, “It’s what I was used to,” he added when he remembered you couldn’t actually see him, although you could feel his hands tense at the thought.
“That means, since then… you’ve never even–?”
“No,” he admitted softly. “I guess it’s easier not to do something when you don’t know how it feels. Although my best friend was always eager to tell me how good it was.”
“Worry not, you won’t have to use your imagination anymore,” you said as you pulled your hand back into your area and moved it to the thin strap of the dress, slowly sliding it down, he could barely see the valley of your breast, and yet he felt himself start to tense, his cheeks heat and bIood rushing south.
“You don’t have to–”
“But I want to,” you said, turning your gaze from your bare shoulder and towards him, he could see the mirth shining in your eyes, he could see the mischievousness and the licentiousness reflected on your pupils. You pulled the other strap down and then moved both of your hands to the fabric at the top of your breasts, pulling it down and letting them in full view.
Remus breathed sharply when he finally saw them. Of course, he knew what they looked like, the girls in Peter’s magazine had shown him. James had described them, but that was nothing compared to seeing them in real life, it was nothing compared to seeing yours in real life.
You smiled at the little to no sound he was making from the other side. You leaned your back on the stunningly carved wooden wall of the confessionary and squared your shoulders for him. “They look like this for you,” you said as you slid your hand over one of your nipples. “They turned hard the minute I spotted you at the door.”
Silence, nothing more than a ragged breath.
“Cat got your tongue?” You teased.
“I had never seen a prettier thing in my life,” he said. “Except for your angelic face, that is.”
You laughed in return, a sweet and soft laugh that he would have done anything to hear again. “You’re good at this for someone who’s never done it.”
“Good at what?”
“At making a woman blush.” You said. “But I’m just as good,” you added as you pulled one of your legs up on the small seat, your dress fell over and bunched up covering your core, but Remus barely even cared, he was immersed in the plushness of your thigh, imagining how it would feel wrapped around his waist.
You heard him swallow thickly.
“In my dream,” you started, “In my dream, we weren’t here, we were hiding somewhere in the church.” Your breath had slowed down, one of your hands was playing with your thigh, the other one on your breast. You didn’t usually pay much attention to them, but it was that you knew his eyes were on you, that touching them, knowing how it must have made him feel, was turning you on even more than before. “You were kissing me –ah– you were touching me.”
Remus was, by now, having to adjust his extremely uncomfortable pants.
“How?” he asked, almost in a whisper. “Show me how I was touching you.”
You couldn’t even hold back the smile from your face. “You traced your fingers over my thigh,” you placed your hand on your bare knee, and then started to move it downwards, towards yourself. “You were kissing me here,” you added as you leaned your neck to the side for him to see better. And then… you touched me here.” Your hand was already in your core. You moved the ruffles of the dress to the side, allowing him to see, to see all of you. You heard a small gasp, when he noticed you had worn no knickers.
“You slid your hands on my slit,” you said and followed your own instructions, “Soft and gentle, like you are when you’re preaching. In the same way that you moved your delicate slender fingers over the bible,” you breathed, a little more ragged now. “You slid one of your fingers in between my folds, and looked for my clit. You found it almost instantly, and you rolled your finger over it gently, you loved my whimpers.”
“I do,” he agreed. “I imagined them while touching myself last night. Those wet little sounds you make when you–”
“Ah,” you breathed as you dug your fingers inside yourself, your walls tightening around it involuntarily. “Like this?” you asked and smiled, biting your lip before you did it again. You brought the hand on your breast downwards and leaned back a little so you could spread your legs even further. Remus’ mouth watered, he wondered how wrong would it be to taste you?
To bury his head in your legs and lick all of the wetness that coated your fingers, to be so close that the smell of you got everywhere, that he wouldn’t need the handkerchief to feel you close. You continued to touch yourself. Breathing heavily, sighting and moaning softly, he wondered what that would feel if it were directly whispered into his ear.
You were so lost in yourself for those first few minutes, so wrapped in the feeling that you hadn’t realized the lack of beautiful moans from his side.
“Remus–” you said breathily, “Why aren’t you touching yourself?”
“Yesterday at night I– I did it again… a couple of times. I’m, it’s a little painful,” he admitted shamefully, but your eyes shone with lust so intense at his words that he continued talking. “It was your little handkerchief’s fault. I was going to wash it, but I got its scent and it made me feral.”
“Aha?” you asked, as you continued to touch yourself.
“I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Shut my door and laid on my bed with it over my nose.”
You hummed contentedly, half a moan, half a hum.
“I was so hard it was ridiculous. I had barely even smelled you. I hadn’t even gone through the images of that wonderful dream of yours.”
You sighted in bliss, breath ragged as you slid your finger out of yourself and turned to him with a smile.
“I have an idea,” you said and then let out a breathy laugh.
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expand on ur "mental asylum Marxism shit" thing about children & grief?? from what you've said im pretty sure i will relate from my own experiences as a grieving child. also it sounds interesting!!
so i was thinking about how weird it is that, when a child has to deal with the death of a loved one, they say something like "no child should have to go through this! no child should have to even think about death!" which strikes me as weird because i was a child who dealt with the deaths of multiple close family members, very close together. the first was my great-grandmother, who i lived with and who was my best friend. death was never foreign to me (my mom has always been very death-positive on top of all that). grief was just part of my life like everything else was.
but i realized that its because people think childhood should not have any flaws. you should be 100% happy and fulfilled all the time. any time a child experiences anything painful, its bad. not "children should have access to love and support," but "children should not have basic life experiences because the idea of childhood being anything other than fluffy purity scares me."
because children in society are fundamentally not people. especially in a society structured around christian beliefs in natural law theory, that what is natural = what is good, healthy, and Divinely commanded. so on top of children being the property of adults, they are also forced to be the symbols of Nature. whatever is the most useful to whoever needs them. which means we built up this idea of children as tabula rasas, pureness incarnate. like a magic mirror where if we look into it, we'll be able to catch a glimpse of the true face of humanity. every single thing children do can be scrutinized for some grand truth about humans as a whole. and then, the ways children are treated also reflect how we think humanity should interact with its own nature.
example: the idea of humanity as inherently sinful and wicked, with that urge needing to be suppressed through state violence (hello hobbes) = the idea that children are annoying and shitty on purpose and need to be forced via punishment into being Good Citizens.
this is also why children cannot be trans, even though all trans people must prove that we were trans children. being queer must be unnatural; and even if not, its inherently sexual, and sexuality is dirty and bad. so children can't be trans, and they also can't read books on puberty until their parents decide when and what exactly they are allowed to learn. child victims of sexual assault only matter to the extent that they can be used as a symbol of a cultural threat; calling Jewish or trans people pedophiles means saying that they are foreigners attacking basic human nature, and indirectly, Divine command. if you aren't the right kind of victim, or when you inevitably reveal yourself to be A Person with complicated experiences and opinions, you are no longer of use to the agenda.
it sucks that bad things happen to anyone. aspects of youth can exacerbate the pain sometimes, but sometimes it does the reverse: I wish I could have spent more time with the family members I lost, but I know other people who are glad they loss family members young, because they weren't really hurt by it. I think the main thing is that, even sometimes when we talk about our past selves, we project this cultural idea of Child As Purity and ignore the actual person having the experience. when we "empathize" with children by projecting Purity onto them, we aren't actually connecting with them.
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A Christian must not be fanatical; he must have love for and be sensitive towards all people. Those who inconsiderately toss out comments, even if they are true, can cause harm.
I once met a theologian who was extremely pious, but who had the habit of speaking to the secular people around him in a very blunt manner; his method penetrated so deeply that it shook them very severely. He told me once: “During a gathering, I said such and such a thing to a lady.” But the way that he said it, crushed her. “Look”, I said to him, “you may be tossing golden crowns studded with diamonds to other people, but the way that you throw them can smash heads, not only the sensitive ones, but the sound ones also.”
Let’s not stone our fellow-man in a so-called “Christian manner.” The person who – in the presence of others – checks someone for having sinned (or speaks in an impassioned manner about a certain person), is not moved by the Spirit of God; he is moved by another spirit.
The way of the Church is love; it differs from the way of the legalists. The Church sees everything with tolerance and seeks to help each person, whatever he may have done, however sinful he may be.
A truly humble person never behaves like a teacher; he will listen, and, whenever his opinion is requested, he responds humbly. In other words, he replies like a student. He who believes that he is capable of correcting others is filled with egotism.
Saint Paisios the Athonite
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I wonder what sin this child did? It did not exist before October 7th. Where he pays the price without sin. Does anyone answer this question? This child of mine came into this world several months after the war. He was born inside the tent in the place of displacement. Now when the rain comes, water floods the floor of the tent in which we live. We searched for a safe place to put the young children away from the water. We found nothing but a poultry barn nearby. Yes, it really is. poultry farm,
Look, my friends, at this picture. It's not a bed. It's a chicken cage. Oh my God, why all this? We will not forgive evil people who start wars, We will also never forget the gratitude of everyone who extends a hand to us and provides us with assistance in these harsh circumstances.🥲
😭😢He extends his hand and calls for your help Look at him 😓😥
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