#and also for my family to be awake so i can call them to complain lol. i am the most insufferable person ever when i am sick

[campbyler]

To celebrate spooky season and ch 7 coming out this week (go suni!!) I’m doing a marathon of summer camp slashers like Sleepaway camp and American Horror Story 1984 🏕️🪚 (I’m also curious about Finn’s movie which is supposed to be a camp slasher as well)

I cannot remember if you already answered this or not, but is acswy Will a fun of horror movies like in canon?

WOOHOOO! slasher marathon watch party i’ll bring the snacks -> 🍿🍬🍭🍫🍦!! i have personally sadly been lacking in my knowledge of slasher movies bc i am not a huge horror fan but i absolutely need to watch the ones sadie has been in on netflix (? i think?) and i also can’t remember if we answered this already or not but you are so right in that acswy will is def a fan of them! poor guy is currently screaming dying throwing up over all the bugs he’s spotted during wilderness week but he will do just fine sitting through a horror movie. king 🫡

[starsofarda]

Ok, so. I am gonna try something here, like a modern AU of sort starting off from this post: https://starsofarda.tumblr.com/post/762738119355285504/ok-i-will-try-but-once-i-am-more-awake

I would like to thank @dfwbwfbbwfbwf for giving me rope and I would like to please ask the entirety of te fandom to not be harsh, because last time I even tried writing a fic of some sort I was literally torn into pieces - I was 16 at the time and ROTK had just come out in cinemas, still.

So, the idea is palantiri being specifically built phones by Feanor for his kids. It's gonna be wild. And I will try my best, but ultimately I am gonna have fun and let my brain go.

The stakes are significantly lower here, glory of AUs.

I am gonna do like a bullet point list.

Be Feanor

Complain to your wife Nerdanel that kids are growing up and start being independent, cue Feanor deeply missing the time his kids were little, then Nerdanel suggesting that maybe they should get new phones and maybe get on a cruise together as a family - heck, let's include also Celebrimbor, bc he's like a toddler at best by then and we might as well.

There's gonna be shenanigans anyway, so why not let the toddler form some core memories.

We are talking about FEANOR and HIS SONS, notoriously the least chill people on Arda.

Nerdanel will regret this decision on day 2 of the cruise.

It is briefly suggested that Finarfin, Fingolfin and the rest of Feanor's half step family included sons and daughters be invited, but this ends up with SOMEONE throwing hands, someone being Fingolfin and Feanor mainly.

Feanor: "I DON'T WANT YOU ON MY CRUISE!"

Fingolfin: "I DIDN'T WANT TO COME TO YOUR STUPID CRUISE ANYWAY!"

Finarfin: "GUYS CAN'T WE HAVE A CHILL ONE FOR ONCE? AT LEAST FOR THE KIDS' SAKE?"

It is decided at the end that only Feanor, Nerdanel and their 7 sons + Celebrimbor attend (yes, also his mother comes, Nerdanel needs someone chill as moral support).

This will be inserted in the already long list of family feuds to bring up during family meetings and celebrations.

(gods I am feeling for the entire family tree due to personal experiences with my own family)

ANYWAY.

Cruise starts on a really sunny and happy day.

At least this is Feanor's point of view.

Celegorm's dog Huan has been lost and found a couple of times, Caranthir has already tried committing fraud three times, Maedhros has taken the role of Third Parent and also his Eldest Daughter syndrome is showing, Maglor has in the meantime published another one of his songs on youtube and bandcamp basically dissing everyone - he will later do a non-apology apology video about it - Amrod and Amras still in their teens are trying to Cause Problems On Purpose.

Celebrimbor is being the Model Child and quietly toying with like a fidget spinner

He WILL cause shenanigans when Elder kid Annatar tries to make him get ALL of the plasticky child rings from a vending machine on the ship

I mean these rings:

The ploy will be exacting revenge on the Feanorians for supposedly sending big brother Morgoth to jail for petty theft

The theft being three decorative sparkly glass baubles called Silmarils Feanor made years prior and by the time the theft happens the baubles are now nowhere near any Feanorian, but Feanor still feels a lot about them

ANYWAY.

Each of Feanor's kids is equipped with a Specially Built By Feanor Smartphone

Reaction ranging from "OMG DAD did YOU ACTUALLY DO THIS" to "couldn't you just buy us new phones" to "ok what am I supposed to do with this brick"

Nerdanel laughs. "Told you so, darling."

Feanor decides to take all of it as a good thing and leaves the phones with his kids.

"They are called palantiri, they have been built so no one can destroy them - I can see you try already, Amrod, Amras, so stop before you actually get hurt."

"Dad, did you call them palantiri because that's the sound they make when you throw them at the person you are calling. You know. To see them from afar."

the slap everyone hears is actually Maedhros facepalming and trying to repeat to himself the mantra that "it's gonna be fine" and "please valar give me patience because if you give me strength I am committing war crimes."

Celegorm tests the endurance of the palantir smartphone by playing fetch with Huan using the phone as a ball.

The cruise can finally start.

It's gonna be long. I am gonna have to think of the rest now.

Thoughts? Comments? Prayers?

[fang-and-feather]

Nostra Unica Famiglia

Ikemen Vampire - Leonardo & Pureblood! Reader

(background Charles x Reader)

Written for Fluffbruary from @fluffbruary Day 13 Prompt: Choice and the Shapes of Love Creation Challenge by @violettduchess and @lorei-writes Prompt: Storge (Familial Love)

Words: 687

Summary: You thought Leonardo would be mad about your relationship with Charles, but when you finally talks to him, you're in for a surprise

IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist / AO3 Link

You found Leonardo smoking on the balcony. Nothing new, but this time you felt apprehensive of approaching.

The Christmas party went well. Or so you thought. But now that the party is over and Charles has gone home, you feel like all the masks will come off, and you are afraid of what lies underneath. You still brace yourself and call out.

“Uncle?”

“Ciao cara. Why are you still awake?”

“I drank a little too much to sleep.” Not a lie. You did drink a little more than you’d ever had. You weren’t drunk, but still a little buzzed.

“It doesn't seem like it did you any good, Piccolina. You don’t look too cheerful.”

“I’m not that little!” You never could help complaining when he treated you as a child.

But this time, your answer did not lead to the usual banter. Instead, he turns to you with a smile that looks strangely sad, puts out his cigarillo, and ruffles your hair gently.

“I know. You have never been. Not even when I met you. But you are young, and I know how the famiglia is. Rebellion can be tempting, but it can lead to hastily made, poor decisions you might regret later.”

“Is this about Charles?” You knew he would talk about it, but any preparation you had made beforehand seemed to escape your mind when you finally needed it.

Leonardo turns back to look at the starry sky, and you walk to stand beside him, doing the same.

“You’re old enough to make your own choices, and I don’t doubt you when you say he is a good person. But the others he’s with mean trouble, and he chose to follow them. He chose his own path, and I’m afraid you’ll end up caught in it."

He was right. Vlad is a weird pureblood, who wasn’t too satisfied with your relationship with Charles either. Comte had promised to tell you about his relationship with Vlad later, but had said they were friends who had a fallout because of Vlad’s ideals.

But you also had a good feeling about the interactions you had with them while trying to build this relationship with Charles.

Not an easy or short task. You had a lot of time.

You were about to tell him that, when he started to speak again, turning to smile at you.

“But I saw you today, and this relationship sure seems real. You are young, but I trust your judgment. Just be careful, and know you can come to me if anything happens, okay?”

You were not expecting such support. Such trust. Your relationship as a family barely had a year, either. It had been fine, but you often had this impression Leonardo saw you as a little child. How long had you longed for a little of that love? How lucky you were to end up in this time and place, as strange of a coincidence as it was? Fighting back tears, you hug Leonardo.

“Thank you for trusting me, uncle. You are the only famiglia I currently have, of course you are the one I will turn to if I turn out to be wrong. But I am confident in my choice.”

Hands on your shoulders, Leonardo gently puts some distance between you.

“I know. You sure don’t need it, but you have my blessing.” He leans down to kiss your forehead. “And I hope whatever choices you make from now on will make you happy. Not make you regret it.”

You only hug him back. You know it’s hard for him to say that, but he chose to trust and believe you, like no one in your family ever did. And you know it’s because supporting you is important for him too, who never had a true family either. He chose to be that family to you. It wasn’t just a coincidence that you met; it was fate. Who said destined bonds were only for romantic partners?

That doesn't mean your boyfriend will escape without a talking to, not only from your uncle, but it's already more support than you expected.

Tag List: @tele86, @nightghoul381, @natimiles, @bicayaya, @eventinelysplayground, @queengiuliettafirstlady

If you want to be tagged/untagged on future writings, you can reply to this post or send me a message

IkeVamp Masterlist / General Masterlist

[kaspenhoward]

Six The Musical Headcanons - Jane Seymour:

-I believe that like the beheaded cousins she too has PTSD but unlike her cousins she doesn’t trash, fight, run, or scream, she simply freezes, becomes silent and can’t move. The same for nightmares, where she taught herself to be quiet cause Henry in her last life got upset with her for panicking

-Why does Jane go through this though? You might ask. Well queendom that’s because as we all agree, Henry is a a*s, we know he didn’t truly love anyone all that “Plain Jane” talk from history books is probably from the fact Jane was ab*sed into being the perfect housewife and just that, which we know in reality is short of possible. Henry was a jerk meaning the unfortunately Jane probably suffered from that. Even with hints of the possibility in heart of stone; “build me up, tear me down” could be interpreted as Henry love bombing her just to hurt her soon after.

-I’m a fanboy for mother figure Jane as much of you probably are as well, her, quiet, gentle, motherly nature definitely pulled Kat (Katherine Howard) in quickly and two from what I like to believe, bonded very quickly. Jane does enjoy also fussing over the other Queens as well, and to tease her Anne and Anna enjoy jokingly calling her “Mum Jane”, Jane to tease them back will fuss over them excessively much to their chagrin

-Kat, called Jane mum once in front of everyone and was very embarrassed and worried about how Jane would take it, hid from everyone for as long as she could, but once Jane found her, she reassured her and told her it was okay. It now is common occurrence to hear Jane and Kat refer to each other as “mum” and “daughter” in the queen household and out of it.

-At random times during the night once every two months, you’ll just find Jane very awake quietly wondering around the house. Jane never really elaborates why she just says “making sure”.

-Jane prefers tea over coffee. She makes a really good tea, and much to the other queens chagrin, they never can replicate it no matter how many times Jane tries to show them how to make it.

-Jane is the only one who isn’t banned from using the oven, and only Jane and Catalina are allowed to use the stove without another queens supervision.

-Jane hates loud noises, especially yelling, and confrontation. And she’s terrified of “screwing up” as she likes to say even though the queens reassure her that she’s allowed to make mistakes. One time she broke a glass, froze for a minute but then frantically shaking tried to quickly pick of the glass, this ended up injuring herself and Kitty had to carefully pry the glass out of her hands to get her to stop.

-Jane actually finds very nice company in Cathy and Anna. Jane when she initially comes back is unable to read, Cathy discovers this one day when her and Jane are out shopping and Cathy teaches her how to read in private. Jane isn’t near perfect but she’s improved and finds pleasant company reading with Cathy or Cathy asking her philosophical questions which even if she doesn’t understand the full concept makes Jane very happy to try and answer because for the first time her opinion and knowledge is being asked of her. Anna is very energetic and while Jane can’t always match such energy, finds much enjoyment in having a nice day out with Anna sometimes who brings a lot of energy into the room/environment while also including Jane.

-Regarding the sexuality of Jane, I don’t really have a set idea cause it doesn’t matter much in my mind cause I think all the queens just need a long break from romance to.. process stuff and happily live as a family. I honestly don’t really complain about any shipping of the queens as long as it isn’t between the cousins but it’s more personal opinion that they all need a few years before any of that. BUT, Panromantic for sure. That’s my verdict she’s just too loving of a person to care about gender. (In my happy little ace mind I imagine all my favorite characters to be ace so that’s what I would say because I prefer living in that bubble)

-When Jane gets upset she gets one of two: immensely quiet or incredibly frantic. Whichever one she doesn’t like to be seen in that sort of state and tried to hide from the others. Effectively this doesn’t end up working in the end when Kat constantly clings to or follows Jane around like a little duckling. Leading to one day where Kat finds Jane crying the most silent cry ever that breaks her heart. After the incident Jane knows she can always go to any of her queens for help.

-Jane is the sweetest most kind hearted person ever, yes. But her infamous temper that comes out once every blue moon is terrifying enough it even scares Catalina.

Omg I love this queen so much 🤍🤍🤍

[rust-bearer]

I don’t know how to tl;dr this but I guess it falls into the First Aid being accepted as One Of Them category? I dunno, they’re on my mind now but anyway. You know when you like walk into a room or walk into work or something and specific people you get to know/like are like “heyyyy [name]!” Or “Good morning/afternoon [name]!” Because that’s what I’m going for.

Onslaught secretly really likes First Aid but is not about to let that information slip. Every time he sees First Aid or catches his gaze/makes eye contact he says hi or something. Every time. Follows it up with “I think we need…” or “The kids want you to…” to keep things discreet but like, you can tell. You can tell he’s fond.

Brawl is probably a little less standoffish about the whole situation. I mean, they all live under the same roof now, right? Starts out calling First Aid doc because he can’t for the life of him remember Aid’s name, ends up using the nickname as an affectionate and endearing term. Every time First Aid walks into the kitchen for a snack or stumbles into the hallway after a long night of restless sleep, Brawl greets him without fail. There’s a smile, small nod of the head, a “morning, doc” or a “hey, doc” depending on the time.

Blast Off definitely takes some warming up to do, but after a good six weeks of sharing the same space, he starts getting a little adventurous. At first, it’s just strained smiles every time they pass each other going in opposite directions, and Blast Off usually doesn’t go out of his way to say anything to First Aid if they aren’t standing directly in front of each other. Give it a few more weeks and the forced smiles become more relaxed, sometimes he even slips in a “hey” or a “good morning” here and there. You can tell he sort of likes First Aid, but it’s like dealing with a wild animal—you just can’t figure out who’s supposed to be the animal and who’s the human.

I don’t think Vortex even needs an explanation. Really, there IS no avoiding him, so good luck. First Aid isn’t running into Vortex in the middle of the kitchen after struggling to stay awake long enough to brew some coffee. Vortex is the one sitting on the edge of the mattress or sitting on the floor next to him or perched on the coffee table across from the couch. Either way, he’s THERE and he’s AWAKE and he’s like hell yeah, my favorite person in the whole world is also awake! Doesn’t bother with greetings half the time, just goes into some full-fledged conversation about god knows what. There is no predicting just what might come out of his mouth on any given day, you just gotta roll with it. Really, the best he’s ever done is “Hey, Aid, I was thinking…” but even that’s a stretch.

I think Swindle’s sort of a funny one because he could be throwing pots into the sink and storming around the kitchen, RBF in full swing, and suddenly First Aid appears in the room and he’s like “heyyy!! There’s our medic! 😊” and it’s kind of bizarre. Vortex is fond of calling him out on it, mostly to complain that Swindle is NEVER that nice to him in the mornings, but Swindle just snaps at him for the umpteenth time and Vortex goes back to sulking over it. Well, sort of. The sulking lasts all of three seconds. All to say Swindle can be a really nasty housemate in the mornings but he is not about to take it out on poor First Aid. Nah, that’s only reserved for Vortex his siblings.

I tried to make these sooort of equal in length and effort but I feel like Onslaught lost in that regard. I mean, he was the first one I did, but like… eh, I dunno. I’m sure he’ll come to terms with it.

—@robot-zombies

Digs this out before I forget. I feel like talking abt swindle now so we will talk about him vs Vortex re: first aid

Swindle understands the value in having a doctor. Sure, first aid was a pediatric doctor, and mostly dealt with hospital based patients, not even outpatient family practice stuff, but… he’s skilled. And he’s a doctor. So Swindle plays nice, acts nice, leans in to the charisma and the disarming charm to make First Aid ‘feel safe’. To keep him around. And First Aid isn’t stupid, he knows Swindle is putting on some amount of an act, but he doesn’t know the sheer depth of it. Swindle really purely sees First Aid as an investment, a client he has to keep no matter what, so he puts on his big boy pants and works AROUND what his brothers say and do, to make First Aid stay.

But the flattery and the kindness and all that stuff, it doesn’t matter. First Aid doesn’t care, and doesn’t like it at all, especially when it’s insincere. It makes him (rightly so) feel like a prime supermarket meat. No, what First Aid actually likes is- Vortex.

And it’s weird! Vortex is weird! He’s creepy at times, then entirely earnest. Honest. He says things that First Aid sometimes thinks in the back of his mind. Then he says things First Aid recoils at. And yet, it’s Vortex that First Aid is closest to, and cares most for, and trusts most. When Vortex decides to spend an hour manually crushing fruit to make juice, because he heard First Aid mention it, that’s because Vortex likes First Aid. And it’s a hassle and he moans the entire time, but then he slams the glass down and grins and has the stupidest shit eating expression.

When Swindle does the same thing, it’s artificial. And that’s not a bad thing; he isn’t being cruel, he doesn’t secretly hate First Aid, he just… doesn’t really feel strongly about him, on a personal level. But he knows on a survival level that they deeply need First Aid, so he will smile and juice some fruit, and offer it to First Aid with some deflection of, “I was making some too and figured you’d want some.” And First Aid will accept but he Knows.

He’d like Swindle more if he just stopped with.. All of that. And eventually he will.

[the-roo-too]

candy -> kim jiwoo ver

aka the fluff alphabet

admiration (what does she absolutely adore about you)- you’re childish, like her! she loves that you feel so close to her :(( you’re two kiddos in love i don’t make the rules

body (what’s her favourite body part of yours)- see that pout on the pic above? that’s the face she makes when you don’t let her squish your cheeks >:( don’t resist it

cuddling (how she likes to cuddle)- a very specific position, jiwoo likes your head on her chest while she’s on her back <33 she can hog you tightly and you’re legally not allowed to complain

dates (what’s her ideal date)- pls take her to build-a-bear :(( YOU CAN GET MATCHING ONES OMG CNDNDSBB jiwoo will make sure you have a collection of stuffies from every date ever

emotions (how does she express her emotions around you)- very open bby <3 she’s young but like understands exactly why communication in relationship is important

family (does she want one)- she was born last month i don’t think y’all be planning family

holding hands (does she like to hold hands)- yes 🤭🤭🤭 also swinging them as you walk? me thinks yes 🫶🫶🫶

injuries (what would she do if you got hurt)- call one of her unnies or the hospital. her emergency contact is haewon and if something minor happens, like you cutting your knee on a glass piece while on a will, jiwoo calls the leader. if you broke your leg she’s riding with you the ambulance 🛣️

jokes (does she like to joke around)- yes, you’re both very goofy. i feel like jiwoo is the type to start prank wars with you 😭😭 beware, she’s good at coming up with new ones

kisses (how does she like to kiss you)- she’s a baby and gives you the softest cheek kisses. THEY NEED TO BE VERY LOUD THO. when she gives you a smooch during the practice, bae throws you two a disgusted look, as she could hear it from the other side of the room

love (what’s her love language)- the prank wars i mentioned? jiwoo likes to joke with you, that’s her love language. you have so many inside jokes it’s hard to keep up

memory (what’s her favourite memory together)- your first date- arcade. she won you a plushie and she will spend the rest of her life bragging about it (she won’t mention the part about how many tries it took her tho)

nighttime (how does sleeping with her look like)- similar to cuddling honestly. but she’s the big spoon 🐢 she wants to hog you, awake or asleep

oddity (what’s a quirky thing about her)- i’m sorry, everything about jiwoo is a bit odd 🥲 i’m a good way ofc. her obsession with your cheeks is a bit weird, but say something and i’ll break your legs

pet names (what does she like to call you)- baby, bear, my love, you name it. jiwoo likes the classics but won’t mind if you call her something different

quality time (how does she like to spend time with you)- she sits you down with her and you both once again go over every single plushie she owns, what’s their name (and why), when they were ‘born’ and where is it from!

rush (does she rush into things)- yes 👹 you want kids? ok, bear plushie or frog plushie? house? 🤨 which legos? jiwoo does rush into things, but she rarely takes them seriously

secrets (how open is she with you)- you don’t have secrets, you have TEA. all the juicy things about jiwoo’s members 😼

time (how long did it take for her to confess)- two weeks maybe? she met you, was starstrucked, wanted to go on a date with you. it would actually take no time only if she didn’t spend the two weeks on planning out the actual first date

upset (what’s her reaction when you’re upset)- pouts with you and gives your cheek a loving smooch. that’s if she wasn’t the cause of your sadness but spoiler alert, she never is 🫶

visibility (is she afraid of the public opinion)- she isn’t afraid of what people’s say, but rather how it would affect your relationship. of course you both would push through anything, but still, things could be tough

warrior (how often do you fight)- y’all are kids, the worst fight you had was when you and jiwoo argued who would be the father and the mother of the new plushie. no other fights

x-ray (is she able to read you)- she’s great at that 🤭 emotion wise, craving wise. jiwoo is smart 🫡 and does her very best for you 🫶🫶

yes (how would she propose to you)- she is FIVE no marriage for any of you 🤨 go watch gabby’s dollhouse or smth

zen (what makes her feel calm)- jiwoo’s stressed? hand my girl your hand pls :( she’ll be happy with that! the little touch really makes her calm

part of [the fluff series]

[arimiadev]

2023 Year in Review

2023 has come and gone—it feels like it was just a week ago that my grandma was complaining that Thanksgiving and Christmas were too close together, and now it’s January. I spent the last 2 weeks of 2023 sick (I still am), which made it go by like a blur.

2022 was a fresh slate for me, with a new job, a new home, and new projects. 2023 was a year of finding a new rhythm—figuring out how I work best and molding my work time around that rather than trying to make myself go against the flow.

Working from home is truly a blessing and a curse. I do think that it has more positives than negatives (especially right now as I’m able to work while being sick and don’t have to take time off), but navigating around the negatives is tricky. The main problem I’ve faced, aside from lack of interaction with non-family, is that it’s harder for me to focus on work when I end up spending almost all of my awake hours at my desk, either for my fulltime job or for VN development or for relaxing.

I’ve had to mix things up, usually taking my laptop to other parts of the house or even working outside of home some days. Even if it’s only for a few hours, it helps reset the fatigue of being at my desk all day every day. It doesn’t always work, and one problem I ran into for most of the year was being unable to focus on writing. Art and scripting are more “mindless” for me, I can do them with a video or voice call in the background, but writing is something I’ve always struggled to concentrate on.

This year was my first year attempting NaNoWriMo, though a more casual version of it. A few other devs were also entering NaNoWriMo to work on their projects so I hopped on too. I wanted to use the hype of the event to push myself to focus on writing, and it worked! My goal was to hit 30k total words in the month across multiple projects—which is about what I write in half a year—and I hit it.

Projects

Canvas Menagerie continued to be my main project in 2023. I was able to release several new demo builds for the project, mainly redoing and improving artwork for the game. My art has been improving a lot the past couple of years which is a good and a bad thing—it’s good because I’m improving and it’s bad because it means I have to redo or edit older game art!

I was also able to finish writing Act 2, meaning that Canvas Menagerie is 2/3rds written! A lot of good progress was made on it this year and I hope to continue (and maybe finish?) that this year.

I also got a trailer for it by Hatoge, a fellow BL developer! It came out so nice…

My other main project for 2023 was Lost Lune, a project I started in 2022. It was meant to be a small-ish project for Winter VN Jam 2022, but I ran into some issues with the story structure.

Lost Lune is a story I like but have had a hard time figuring out how to put the world and characters into words. I have an understanding on how the plot progresses, but due to a few different reasons it’s been hard to actually write it. One reason has been the unconventional format for the story, with it flipping between the past and present in a linear way. The other reason I’ve had a hard time with it is the character personalities—Weiss, the main character, is much more forward, blunt, and promiscuous than characters I’ve written before. It’s also the darkest setting I’ve ever written in as it’s set in a post apocalypse.

Thanks to NaNoWriMo I was able to get over 9k more written for the story, leading to about half of the story currently being written. I’d like for the project to be finished this year, but it’s hard to say when.

A small project I worked on for Ludum Dare & Otome Jam this year was a short game featuring some of my oldest OCs, where you play as a witch returning home and helping her father’s delivery service. I wanted to make something more experimental than what I usually make and something just for me.

I ended up adding some extra features to it but never released the updated build, so maybe sometime in the future…

My last project for this year was Asphodelium, my Winter VN Jam 2023 entry. I’ve had a hard time describing it, but basically it’s a dark slice of life romance about the members of a disbanded adventurer’s guild after stopping a doomsday cult at the cost of killing their former leader who betrayed them. Hazel, the one who dealt the final blow, has had the hardest time moving on—until one day he’s approached by a man with the same face as their dead leader.

This was a story I got the idea for sometime in September and began writing on a whim in the middle of October and ended up writing a majority of in November for NaNoWriMo. I didn’t expect the script to get far but here I am, 40k words later…

I finished the script and most of the art in December but was unable to completely finish the game because I got sick before Christmas. Just another WIP to finish this year…

Articles

This year I didn’t make as many articles as in years prior, a trend that will probably go forward. I do still want to write articles on marketing and visual novel dev, but I feel like it’s a waste of time to rehash old topics or talk about social media algorithms and such.

One thing I started this year for articles was interviews with fellow developers, starting with my friend ingthing. I don’t want my articles to be just my own opinions, so I want to get more voices out there. In 2024 I want to do more interviews with other devs to share their views on development.

With a record high amount of games we had to judge for Spooktober VN Jam this year, I wrote up a post about my takeaways from the jam with some commentary from my fellow judges. I was blown away by the response the article received, with it being one of my top 3 articles of all time now.

My last blog post—I hesitate to call it an article—that I wrote in one frantic day somehow was my favorite of the year. After months of radio silence from Aniplex US about Mahoyo, the first TYPE-MOON (pure) visual novel to be released officially in English on Steam, I did a deep dive into why they had forsaken such easy money by refusing to market it. The end result? Well, we’ll probably never know why, but it’s clear that someone at Aniplex made the decision to not give a budget to their marketing teams for Mahoyo and instead let the fans market it themselves.

Art

This year was a bit sparse for full artworks, with a majority of them being for Canvas Menagerie. I got a lot more comfortable drawing his hair!

I also got more into Holostars EN this year with the introduction of the second half of Holostars Tempus, the Vanguard unit (but mainly Gavis Bettel). I was following Tempus from the beginning and was a big fan of Magni and Vesper, but Bettel won as my kamioshi. He’s also the only one in the snapshot above (for August) that’s fanart, as the rest are OCs.

Goals

2023 Goals:

Fully write Act 2 of Canvas Menagerie: Canvas Menagerie is currently split up into 3 acts, around 50k words long for each act. I was able to finish the first draft for Act 2 in October! It ended up being much shorter than I estimated, but that’s how things go sometimes.

Release demo for Lost Lune: …Well, this kinda happened but not really. I wanted to release a longer demo for Lost Lune as the current playable build is more like a teaser—it’s very short and only features 2 out of an estimated 20~ days. I did however end up reprogramming the playable build, changing the main character from a side sprite to being on screen with several other visual changes. I’m much happier with this direction for the game.

Write more consistent devlogs: This also didn’t really happen as my intention was to write an article a month, but with our physicals Kickstarter earlier this year, other things took higher priority. I also realized pretty early on in the year that I’m tired of writing about social media algorithms and want to write about more interesting game dev and marketing topics, like case studies and such.

Open a merch shop: This was the first goal I accomplished this year! It was also the easiest since it was already mostly set up. You can see the merch shop for my games here—I think it’s pretty cute.

2024 Goals:

Fully write Act 3 of Canvas Menagerie: Self-explanatory. I want to get to a first draft state for all of CM. I doubt I’ll be able to finish the game next year unless I get a whirlwind of inspiration as it still needs around 40-50k words, 25+ CGs, 5+ character sprites and more, but we’ll see how far I get.

Write more of Lost Lune: I was able to write over 10k this year for Lost Lune while working on other stuff and in 2024 I want to get close to finishing the script if not finishing it.

Release the full version & an artbook for Asphodelium: Due to getting sick at the end of December, I wasn’t able to fully release Asphodelium. It’s pretty close to being done so it shouldn’t take long to finish it. I also want to release a (digital) artbook for it, as I have a lot of design notes for the LI. It’s also been quite a while since I released an artbook so I want to try making one again.

Go to an out-of-town convention: All my life, I’ve only ever attended the anime conventions in the Memphis area. Despite Memphis being a big city, the conventions here…aren’t really ran by people who want to expand it or even really change anything, so for the past decade it’s been in stagnation. At Studio Élan we’re boothing at more conventions this year, and I want to help! I’m hoping to go to Offkai Expo this summer.

Share more VNs I like: Thanks to rejoining Tumblr in late 2022, I’ve become more acquainted with visual novel players over there and I want to talk more about visual novels that I play. There’s a lot of great games out there that people just don’t hear about, so I want to talk about VNs more.

I feel like in 2023 I was starting to find my “thing”—I really like talking about VNs and I want to share unheard of and underrepresented developers to others! I’ve become bored of making generic marketing articles but I’ve found joy in making posts in collaboration with other devs or sharing other VNs.

2024 is a bit of a scary year and has me rather nervous, but I hope we’ll all make it through it. I want to finish some of the stuff I’ve began and I want to share more lesser known visual novels.

I hope this year will be better for us all. Until next time!

— Arimia

[purplesurveys]

1924

survey by robotyque

RULES: For the following questions, you must answer a number in a scale from 1-10. You may add a comment/description following it. Here we go.

ON A SCALE FROM 1-10..

How exciting was your day? 10. It was actually a productive Sunday! After church we had lunch at Yabu, bought a microwave to replace our broken one, went window shopping for a new laptop and a PS5, I bought a bunchhhhhh of Me Stuff in one go (BB cream, blush, reed diffusers...you get the gist), went for a quick grocery run to get milk and also managed to take Max to the vet clinic before they closed. It was so much stuff done that I can't believe it only totaled a little over than 4,000 steps LOL

How happy do you feel right now? I want to say a 7.5. Today was well-spent and I like that my family and I got along today (we always clash after a few consecutive hours together...), but that high's coming down now because it's already 5:40 PM and the weekend will soon be over.

How clean do you feel? A healthy 9. I took a shower today and my room now smells like ocean because I have two reed diffusers going at the same time, but I just feel 'dirty' because I've still got acne on my face and I don't like that.

How full in the stomach? 7. I had a big lunch that's long settled in my stomach now, but while it doesn't feel heavy I'm also not hungry. And I doubt I'd be feeling hungry anymore for the rest of the day.

How thirsty? 1. I have a chocolate Oatside with me now that I'm sipping from every few minutes.

How bored? 1. I did so much stuff today that I have no problem just filling this out and being friends with the silence and overstimulating myself like what I'd usually look for on weekends.

How tired/sleepy? 3. I feel like I could fall into a nap if I made myself lie down, but I'm alert and awake for the most part.

How satisfied with life atm are you? 4. My job makes me MISERABLE and question my abilities and worth every single day. It's a thankless 9-5 where you can do your best and put in 150% effort but still only ever get seen and called out when you make a mistake/don't meet expectations. I know I will be happier if I set out to look for greener pastures; but I just can't help but stay for now knowing the team is suffocatingly incomplete as it is and me leaving would just make everyone else suffer so much more.

How satisfied are you with your relationship status? 10. Nothing to complain about, ever.

How satisfied are you with your friends? 8. I love all of them, but I wish some of them (i.e. my college friends) would put in more effort in keeping up our friendships. I don't take it personally, though; I've also accepted the fact that our friend group may just not rank high on their priorities at this point anymore, and that's fine.

Now what about family? 6. We are very dysfunctional but we make it work.

How entertained are you atm? 7. I have a Good Mythical More running in the background and I've gotten sidetracked from this survey a few times, so I'd say that's entertainment in effect haha.

How bright is the room you’re in? 2. All the lights are off so it's actually super dark here, but my laptop is set to the highest brightness level and that more than balances out the darkness.

How loud is your music/sound you hear? 2.5. Out of the 16 volume bars on my laptop, it's just until the fourth bar so that's literally a 2.5 if my math is correct.

How confident are you about your looks right now? 4. There's a nasty acne scar near my nose that just won't go away. It's affected my confidence a little bit so that's why I headed to the store today to grab a bunch of face care and makeup stuff.

How clean is your room? 9.5. There are just a few things lying around but otherwise the place is spotless.

How much do you love dolls/stuffed animals? 5. Stuffed animals are very cute :)

How satisfied are you with your room? 9. I really really love the loft bed we've built in here since it gave my room so much more space. The one lacking point is just on me, because I haven't been buying any furniture or even just any sort of accent, really, to give my room more of a personality.

How much do you love dogs/cats (pick one)? 11. No-brainer. I like animals more than people.

How well do you do in school? 7. I did well if I really liked the class, but barely put in effort for classes I just felt 'forced' to have, like chemistry and philosophy. In other words I lacked focus and discipline; I feel like I would have had much higher scores across the board if I just powered it through and did a better job pretending to give a fuck about the classes I hated.

How well can you read out loud? 10. Never had a problem with it.

How good are your eyes? 3. I need my glasses, otherwise everything would be hazardous for me.

IF… (REMEMBER, IT��S STILL ON A SCALE OF 1-10)

If your significant other cheated on you, how mad would you be? 10. I'd be so mad I'd turn quiet and simply cut off ties.

What if it was with your best friend? 20. 10 for the SO cheating, 10 for my best friend betraying me and cheating on her fiancé.

You found a toonie on a ground, how happy would you be? 0. I'd be confused and would be asking what a toonie is.

You lied to a friend about something semi-big, how guilty would you feel? 5. Depends on the lie.

You accidentally took something from a store, how guilty would you feel? 10. I did this once when I walked out of a bookstore with a box of crayons I forgot to pay for. I felt really bad and turned to make my way back immediately.

You were given some illegal substance, what would you feel/how much of it? This question doesn't make sense but I would say 0 which stands for, "I'd stay away from it even if it were the last thing on earth."

You spent $300 for yourself, how satisfied would you feel? 5. Satisfied, yes; but also equally guilty/feeling bad because that is so much money to spend on myself.

What about for others? 7. It's a lot of money, but I'd feel better if I made someone else happy with that money.

How angry would you feel if your parents forgot your birthday? 10. How do you forget your kid's birthday?

Lastly. On a scale of 1-10, how entertaining was this survey? 10! I've taken this before but it was still fun to take the second time around!

[draconicsparkle]

The clinginess has returned! But not in snake form! Something I’m sure lots of you have been wanting!

So I decided that this is a direct follow up to the last drabble. Poor Nagi had it rough.

But he’s gonna be okay! After all, he has a wonderful family to care for him. And you can read all about it here!

Nagito was no stranger to extreme sleepiness. He had gone through several winters in brumation. But what he had felt after those darts was something else entirely. Nothing like he had ever experienced before.

It had been a sudden wave instead of a gradual growth. He had bits and pieces of memories of what he had done and said after being hit, but it was blank for the most part. So he was a bit surprised by his surroundings when he reawakened. He was still near the fence and he couldn’t see anyone around him. Had everyone left? Where did they go? He groaned as he tried to move, intending to get up and go to the human home.

But then he felt a small bit of movement under his shawl and near his neck. A tiny warm body, leaning up against him. He tasted the air by flicking his tongue, and smiled when he discovered who it was. Hajime. He was still here with him. That was immensely comforting, knowing his beloved had stayed with him.

So he stopped moving, aside from repositioning his hand to slip under his shawl and touch the small body with the tips of his fingers. Hajime reacted, wrapping his little arms around his digits. “You’re awake?” the human called out, trying to hide a yawn.

Nagito giggled. “I suppose I am now. How about you?”

“Working on it,” Hajime groaned as he stretched. “How are you feeling? Sore? Sick?”

“Just a little tired now, I think,” the naga replied. “Where is everyone else?”

“Sonia and Gundham went with Izuru to meet with the police near the house. The intruders will be arrested and taken away. Izuru is also gonna help with making the fence stronger. I’m sure they are heading back this way now. It’s been a few hours.”

Nagito’s eyes widened. “Really? It’s been that long? I’m sorry that you had to wait all this time. It must have been terribly boring.”

But Hajime only clung to his hand tighter. “Nonsense. I’ll wait as long as I need to make sure you’re okay. You mean a lot to me, and I want you to be safe and healthy.”

Nagito felt his cheeks redden from the proclamations. “You… are so kind. And might I say, being bold today. You usually don’t voice these kinds of things.”

Hajime stayed silent, indicating that the naga was onto something. And once he figured it out, he grinned wide. “Oh? Could it be that you feel safe saying these things once you are out of my sight? Are you perhaps embarrassed to say it otherwise?” he teased.

He heard a grumble, so he knew he was right. “Enough, enough. Now can you see if the others are coming?”

Nagito relented on his teasing, though he did keep his smirk as he scented the air. “They are indeed heading this way. They should arrive in a matter of minutes.” He moved his hand to clutch at Hajime. “Which means we have some time alone together before they arrive! Isn’t that wonderful?” he asked as he pulled the human closer in an embrace.

Hajime didn’t protest, actually leaning into the touches around him. “Yeah, I guess we will. I’m certainly not complaining.”

So the pair snuggled, the air around them peaceful and quiet. It was perfect in Nagito’s opinion. A memory he would cherish forevermore.

Eventually, the rustling of the plants grew louder and louder. Izuru appeared first, with Sonia and Gundham right behind him. “You are awake. Any feelings of nausea or dizziness?”

Nagito smiled, making sure to not move his head. “I am fine! Just a little sleepy, but not bad.”

Izuru nodded approvingly. “I see. That is good to hear. Is my brother still with you?”

The green naga’s grin grew wider. “Oh yes. He is very close by. Right where I want him, in fact.”

Sonia was the one to reply, also grinning. “Oh? Have you been having fun while we were away? That’s grand! Excellent use of time!”

Izuru smirked as his red eyes glanced at the shawl. “Good work, Hajime. Now let’s try and get Nagito closer to the house. I can monitor him to make sure there are no side effects. So come on out.”

But to the naga’s delight, he felt the brunette cling more to the giant neck near him. “I think I’ll stay close to him. You can carry me, right Nagito?”

Nagito nodded the best he could without disturbing the human. “Of course! You barely weigh a thing to me, so I can easily carry you.”

Izuru shrugged his shoulders. “So long as you aren’t straining yourself, I don’t see a problem with you transporting Hajime. But if you do feel off or start needing to strain to move, stop immediately and request a break. Understand?”

“That’s fair. Yes, I shall let you know,” Nagito said as he began slowly to rise from the ground. He extracted his hand and the human from under the shawl for the world to see. He giggled when he saw that the brown hair was a little messy from being under the cloth. But he continued with his actions, placing his beloved on his shoulder in between his neck and where the fabric laid. “Comfy?” he asked as he glanced over.

He saw Hajime grab hold of both his hair and the shawl. After which, he nodded. “Yeah. I’m all good if you are.”

Satisfied with this assurance, the green naga returned to looking at the raven haired human. “Shall we go?”

Izuru swiftly turned around, heading in the correct direction. “Let us set off, then. I shall explain the details as we travel.”

But Sonia grabbed hold of him, lifting him up to her other shoulder. “Now, now. You have been walking to and fro. You need a break, too. And no arguments!”

Hajime’s twin looked a bit stunned by this, as if he had never expected this to occur. But he didn’t protest, easily balancing on the blue naga’s shoulder. “Very well. Let’s proceed.”

Nagito took a breath and urged his body to move. Thankfully, it listened to him. He was able to slither with little issue. He communicated this to his companions, who all seemed relieved by the news. Therefore, they were able to progress through the woods.

It was slow, but no one seemed to mind. Izuru took this time to fully explain all that happened on their end. He had called the police upon reaching a place with good enough service. And once he confirmed they were on the way, Sonia left the men near the human house and retreated to the woods with Gundham. The naga and her human kept themselves concealed while Izuru dealt with the police. Statements and pictures were taken, then the trespassers were gone. Never to return if they learned their lesson. And given the state of fear they were in when Izuru found them, it was all but a guarantee they would think twice before trying anything again.

Hajime seemed very relieved by this. “Thank goodness for that. I never want to see their faces again. Not after what they did to Nagito. Repulsive behavior. How dare they hurt my naga,” Hajime muttered under his breath. It was quiet enough that most couldn’t hear the words spoken.

But Nagito heard it. And it made him grin. “Why Hajime. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you are getting a little possessive. But I am certainly not complaining,” he teased quietly, glancing down to the now blushing brunette.

“Don’t repeat that to anyone else. For your ears only. Got it?” the human directed, his voice trying to be firm, but not really accomplishing it.

Still, the naga nodded in agreement. “I can do that. Anything for you.”

The two fell silent not long after. A comfortable silence, where they simply enjoyed each other after everything. The calm after the storm.

Masterpost

[fixfoxnox]

Something In The Orange - Part 19

Description: Roach continues dreaming

Warnings: Slight/implied NSFW

Note: This is also being uploaded to my Ao3 if you would prefer to read it there!

Word Count: 9.6k

"Dying flowers in the hall with no sun to see

And paintings on your wall that I can still remember

And evenings doing nothing made it easier to breathe

Made a lot of plans left to early to complete"

"False Promises and You" - Evan Honer

It was as the team was leaving Roach’s room, their time that they were allowed running up, that Simon learned why exactly Roach’s entire family had been sneaking glances at him since he’d introduced himself. 

The group was gently told that an hour had passed by Roach’s dad. He was much kinder than Roach’s mother, but based on the way that he’d taken it upon himself to remind them of the time they were allowed, Ghost could assume that he held a similar opinion on the team as his wife. They hadn’t complained, only quietly asked if they could return for another hour of time the next day. 

Roach’s mother had seemed like she wanted to say no, but, in the end, she simply gave them a short, curt, nod. Ghost was grateful that she seemed alright with allowing them to return. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if they’d said no. Probably try to sneak in through one of the hospital windows. He didn’t say that out loud though. 

They were already out into the hallway, making their way back out to the van. Ghost had his hand held tight in Soap’s, using him as a bit of a lifeline as he tried to shake the image of Roach beaten on a battlefield in favor of his recovering form in the hospital bed. It was a much nicer image, though still not quite as nice as seeing him awake would be. 

As usual, Soap could read him like an open book. The shorter man had given his hand a squeeze, drawing his attention so that he could shoot him a comforting smile. “He’s alright,” he muttered kindly to him, reminding his spiraling mind that Roach was going to be okay. 

He went to respond, but he found himself stopping in his tracks, turning to look behind him as he heard footsteps approaching and a voice calling out, “Carol, stop! You know that he isn’t-”

“I don’t care,” It was Roach’s mother, heading straight toward them. There was determination in her step and she was several paces ahead of her husband who seemed like he was scrambling to keep up. Simon could feel her eyes burning into him, even before she came to a stop squarely in front of himself and Soap, “Mr. Riley, I’d like to speak to you for a moment,” she glanced at Soap, “Alone.”

Ghost was nervous. Of course, he was. But the last thing that he wanted to do was to offend Roach’s mother. He wouldn’t put it past her to use visitation rights to her son against him. He pushed down a sigh that threatened to spill from his lips and turned his head just enough that he could say to Soap, “You go ahead. I’ll catch up.”

Soap seemed hesitant to leave him, his eyes darting between Ghost and Roach’s mother for several seconds before he gave a hesitant nod and another supporting squeeze to Ghost’s hand, “We’ll be waiting for you in the van.”

Ghost gave a nod, watching his boyfriend hesitantly turn away and start down the hall again. Occasionally he would turn back, as though checking on him. When he was finally far enough away, Ghost turned back to Roach’s mother. “Can I help you with something Mrs. Sanderson?

“How long have you known my son?”

Ghost was taken aback by the question. He’d expected her to grill him on what had happened in Russia, what had happened before then, not ask how long he’d known Roach. “I’m sorry?”

She crossed her arms, shrugging her husband's hand off of her shoulder as soon as he’d placed it there. Her eyes were narrowed on him suspiciously, “How long have you known my son?”

Ghost cleared his throat, “Uh, A little over a year and a half ma’am.”

She watched him carefully, “So you’d never met him before that? Not even when you were children?”

Ghost shook his head slowly, completely lost by the questions that the woman was launching at him. “No, not that I know of.” 

She seemed to deflate a bit like she’d expected his answer to tell her more. To finally solve some age-old mystery that had been tugging at her mind for years. She ran a hand over her face and gave a tired sigh, “Of course,” she muttered to herself, “I’m sure there are plenty of Simons in the world. Plenty of men with the name Simon Riley.”

Ghost hesitated to ask, “Ma’am?”

She looked up at him carefully, watching his expression as though debating on telling him something. “Gary used to have nightmares when he was younger,” she started lowly, “He would scream a name in his sleep. Simon. That was the name.”

“We only ever heard a last name once,” Roach’s father added slowly, “In his teen years, he’d fallen asleep on the couch. He’d been muttering to himself, something about a mission. A ghost. A Shepherd. Some sort of drive. Fire. We didn’t think anything of it at the time, that was until he said the name again. We hadn’t heard it in years at that point.”

“He said the name, Simon Riley. Just said it, then stopped talking. Like he just needed to get it out of his system,” Roach’s mother sounded on the verge of hysterics as she continued rubbing at her face, “You can imagine that we connected that the Simon from when he was younger was likely this Simon Riley. But we never heard anything else about it, not until today when you walked in and introduced yourself.”

Ghost was quite grateful for the face mask that he wore, knowing that it likely helped to hide his face enough that they couldn’t see the way his mouth had dropped open. Shepherd? Ghost? A mission? All things Roach had apparently seen in a dream when he was a teenager. There was some sort of anxiety pulling at his chest, his mind calling back to a dream he’d had the previous night. 

He’d been in Russia with Roach. Their teammates had been killed. Roach had been shot. Ghost had been desperately dragging his injured lover behind him, calling out frantically for exfil. They’d made it to Shepherd, he looked different in the dream but Ghost had known it was him. He asked about a drive. Ghost confirmed they’d gotten it. Shepherd betrayed him. He shot Roach. Ghost hadn’t been able to react in time. He was shot too. His world faded out around him quickly as blood seeped from his neck. The last thing he remembered was the fear and guilt for the man next to him. For a version of Roach that he hadn’t been able to protect. 

He came back to himself, taking in a shaky breath of air before shaking his head at Roach’s parents, “Thank you for telling me. But I’m being honest, I’d never met Roach before he joined the team.”

The two watched him for a moment, Roach’s mother seemed to deflate more. Finally, they gave him a nod. “Thank you for staying to talk with us,” Roach’s father was the one to say the words. Roach’s mother didn’t say anything else to him, only turning back to start toward Roach’s room again. Ghost and Roach’s father watched her for a minute.

“She really doesn’t like us,” he said quietly.

“It’s nothing against you,” Roach’s father placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a small squeeze paired with a tired smile, “She’s just worried is all. Come back tomorrow, I’m sure Gary would be happy to know that you guys kept coming.” He gave him one last pat on the shoulder before turning to follow after his wife. Ghost watched him go. 

After a few moments, he turned around, slowly beginning toward the outside of the hospital. The words of Roach’s parents rang in his ears. He wondered how it was possible that Roach had known about his and Shepherd's existence long before he’d joined the military. He wondered if Roach had the same dream that he’d had the previous night. He wondered if that was even possible.

“Stop pulling your punches,” Captain MacTavish told him. He slowly extracted himself from where he’d wrapped around Roach and pinned him to the ground. He held a hand out to him once he’d stood, pulling him from the floor.

Roach let out a little grumble, “I’m not pulling my punches.”

“You are,” Soap crossed his arms at him, “Know how I can tell?” He reached out and grabbed Roach’s upper arm, tugging him closer. Roach let himself be moved into yet another hold. He didn’t move as the man wrapped his arm around his neck and pinned his arms in place. “I can tell because you know exactly how to get out of this hold.” 

It was true. Roach had been taught by Ghost how to get out of nearly any hold that he was put in. He’d even learned some new methods from the Ghost in his second life, he was more than capable of breaking free if he wanted to. The issue was that he was desperately worried about accidentally hurting Soap during training. 

It was a stupid worry. Something that he’d never been bothered about before. Captain MacTavish could fend for himself well and they both very clearly knew how to spar without actually hurting the other too bad. Still, there was something about the entire situation that made Roach hesitate. Part of him was worried, so worried that he would accidentally hurt Soap while training. That he would land a hit that would shatter the illusion that his mind had created for himself. It was an odd worry, but he would rather let himself be pinned to the mat over and over again than potentially make a move that would wake him up from his current dream. 

“Alright, alright,” Roach sighed in the hold. His eyes glanced across at Simon who was watching him carefully. He’d removed his mask about ten minutes into the training session and Roach had felt his eyes burning into him the entire time. “You can let me go now.”

Soap clicked his tongue, “Not until you break my hold.”

“What?”

“Break my hold,” he spoke the words again. “Don’t hold back, we’re going to stay right here, just like this, until you decide to stop holding back. Break my hold.”

Roach stayed frozen for several minutes, considering his options. He didn’t really have many. He’d allowed himself to be pulled into this situation and now Captain MacTavish intended to force him to take their session more seriously. He shot a pleading look at Simon, hoping that the man would be willing to help him. He was met only with a raised eyebrow. 

He gave a sigh. It seemed like neither of the men were going to give him much of a choice, “Alright,” he finally muttered, shifting his feet into a better stance, “But you asked for this,” he warned. 

He decided to play with the move that he’d learned recently from training in his second life. He hadn’t had many chances to practice it with everything that had happened with Makarov, so this would be a good chance for him to finally test it out. 

With his plan in mind, he quickly moved, slipping one of his feet back to roughly kick against the back of one of Soap’s ankles. At the same time, he slammed himself back, letting his head hit Soap’s face. He earned a groan at the movement and, in the next second, Captain MacTavish was tilting backward, his balance lost. The unexpected movement caused his hands to loosen around where he had pinned Roach.

Roach took the opportunity to slip out of his grasp as they fell back. He turned himself enough in the air that when he landed, air knocking from Soap’s chest, he could quickly shift himself up to straddle Soap’s chest and shift his legs to lock around one of his arms. He flipped himself backward, holding onto the limb tightly as Soap was forced onto his side by the momentum. From there, Roach was able to pin his other arm with his feet.

There was a pause as he held tight to Soap. A small cheer cut through the air and he looked up quickly to see the grin that had fixed itself on Simon’s face as he watched Roach pin their Captain. 

There came a chuckle from the man underneath him, returning Roach’s attention to the task at hand, “Good,” Soap let out, shifting slightly, “Keep that up. Don’t go easy.” 

Suddenly he was shifting, his arm moving out from under his legs as he shifted around. Roach tried to regain his control by tugging on the arm he had between his legs, his feet pressing harshly on the Captain’s shoulders as he moved around to try to break his hold. It did nothing for him when Soap lifted him up slightly to slam him to the ground. Air knocked from his lungs, his grip came loose enough for Soap to break free fully and launch another attack on him. 

They continued back and forth for several minutes. One of them would get the other in a hold, the other would break free and get them in a hold. Finally, after moments of this back and forth, Roach managed to get the upper hand in just the right way that he could shift his hold into something tight and threatening as his foot placed a promising bit of pressure at the base of his Captain’s throat.

There were several moments where Soap attempted to break out of the hold before, finally, he was relaxing back to the ground with a grin. “I tap.” Roach immediately extracted himself from where he was tangled up in Soap’s legs. His foot moved away from the man and he shifted himself so that he was simply straddling his hips. 

He looked down at the man smugly, “Still worried about me pulling my punches?”

Captain MacTavish gave him a grin, “Worried about you getting a big head. C’mon, up off me before your boyfriend blows a gasket.” Roach gave a wince before rolling off of his Captain and shifting up to his feet. He glanced back to Simon as he moved, noting the pinched expression on his face as he watched them. “Where did you learn that one?” Soap asked as he stood to his feet.

Roach gave a bit of a stretch as he moved, “From Ghost, who else?”

“I didn’t teach you that,” Roach’s head snapped over to where Ghost was watching him closely. The man started slowly toward them, his movements careful as he walked.

“Yes you did,” Roach insisted, his eyebrows furrowed, “Just a month ago! You said you needed to teach it to me so that So-” he paused, his eyes wide as he realized suddenly that it wasn’t this Ghost who had taught him the move, but the other Ghost. He’d taught it to Roach after Soap had pinned him in training. “Oh,” he cleared his throat nervously and ignored the eyebrows that were raised at him, “I must be thinking about someone else.” 

“Someone else?” Simon crossed his arms, a careful expression on his face, “You know another Ghost?”

Roach resisted the urge to tell him that yes, actually, he did know another Ghost. Instead, he simply shrugged and shuffled nervously, “I just got things mixed around, that’s all.” His voice went low and nervous, he wouldn’t meet their eyes. 

“Well,” Soap started, his voice careful, “Doesn’t really matter where you learned it. It was a good move.” He gave Roach a grin and Roach returned it, thankful that he hadn’t pressed the issue further. “Should we keep going?”

Roach gave a nod at the same time that Simon spoke, “I’d like a go.” 

There was a pause as Captain MacTavish looked between them for a moment. There was something in his eyes that told Roach that he wanted to say something, but, after a moment, he simply gave a nod, “If Roach is okay with it.”

“Sure,” Roach responded, trying not to let any nerves show through in his voice. Training with Simon was always different, more intense. Roach couldn’t remember the number of times that he’d been pinned to the mat by the man only to, in the next few minutes, be dragged back to their room to be pinned to a bed instead. Typically, if they were training together, it was better for everyone involved if they were alone when they did it. 

The fact that Simon wasn’t asking for Soap to leave, wasn’t asking for privacy told Roach that their sparring was going to be different this time. More serious. He couldn’t understand why, couldn’t understand what he’d done to spark it in the other man. But he knew what was waiting for him. 

Soap moved off the mat, Ghost and Roach readied up, getting into their positions. Ghost’s eyes were predatory as he watched Roach, sizing him up like an animal he intended to hunt and eat. It made Roach give a shiver in anticipation, something warm burning at him already. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

“Alright,” Soap called from the side, “Free to move.”

In the next second Ghost was darting forward. For such a large figure, he was incredibly quick. Roach was barely able to move out of the way of his attack, sliding himself low across the ground to dodge his arms and turn to face the man. Ghost was just as quick in reacting, his body turning so that he could grab tight to one of Roach’s arms. 

There was a brief moment of struggle before Roach was tilted over his shoulder and slammed onto his back on the ground, a groan leaving his lips. There was no fancy hold, no fancy way of pinning him. Only Ghost dropping down to pin his legs down with his own. Then his wrists, roughly seized and slammed to the ground above his head. 

Roach struggled, but he knew it was a lost cause, he wasn’t strong enough to break Simon’s hold, and, judging by the smirk that the man wore, Simon knew it too. He struggled for another few moments before finally collapsing back with an indignant whine, “Fine, I tap.” 

Simon didn’t release him immediately, instead, he hovered over him for another moment, dropping to give him a quick peck on the lips before pushing himself up and off of the ground. Roach could feel his face go red as he took Simon’s offered hand and pulled himself from the ground. “Show off,” he grumbled, no real venom behind the words. His eyes turned to Soap as he fully caught his balance on the ground. The man was watching him closely, an unreadable expression on his face as his eyes shifted just slightly to glare at Simon next to him. 

Roach went to question him, his mouth opening slightly, but he was beaten to it by Simon, the man turning back to the Captain with a smug smile and calculating eyes, “All done Captain. You’re free to take back over.”

There was some sort of unspoken tension between the two men, one that had Roach glancing back and forth between them carefully. “No,” Soap answered finally, his jaw clenched tight as he spoke, “We’re done for the day.”

“What?” Roach asked, his eyes pleading as he stepped closer to Soap. They’d barely been training for an hour, usually, they went longer than that. Something panged in his chest as Captain MacTavish turned away from him to start gathering his things. 

He remembered with nothing short of annoyance that these training sessions were some of the only times that he’d been able to spend around Soap in his first life. Most of the time, the man was sequestered away in his office, working on something or another with no one else around him. 

Roach was finally back to his first life, finally back to where he could spend time with the two men that he cared so strongly for, and now? Now their time was being cut short. He couldn’t understand why. Something rang in his mind, trying to press through, trying to explain to him. He refused to listen to it. He couldn’t listen to it. “We’ve only been training for an hour,” he complained.

“Sorry, Roach,” Captain MacTavish turned back to him, his eyes soft, “I’ve got some paperwork that needs to get done.” He glanced up at Simon with a glare, “I’m sure if you want to keep training, the Lieutenant would be more than willing.” He didn’t say anything else before marching out of the room, his body tense as he moved. 

Roach watched him go, his face twisting up in confusion. He glanced back at Simon, but the man was already beginning to move past him, heading toward where his mask was. He watched him quietly for a moment before beginning to trail toward him as he shoved his mask on, “Simon?” he asked, his voice pleading. 

“Sorry, Bug,” Simon turned back to him, his sunglasses slipping into place, “I’ve got some things I need to do. I’ve already put them off enough.” He stepped forward, his hands coming up to stroke lovingly at Roach’s crossed arms for a moment, “I’ll see you at dinner, okay?” He lifted his mask just enough that he could lean down to peck at his lips. He didn’t wait for Roach’s response before turning and following out the door after Captain MacTavish. 

Roach stared at the door, a horrible feeling taking over his chest as his mind reminded him of the taunting words that Makarov had spoken to him only a week prior. 

“The universe kept so much streamlined. So much carried over from our first lives. Do you not wonder, if perhaps it was not a deviation, but something that the universe knew and you didn’t?”

He’d forced himself to ignore it at the time. Forced himself to ignore the burning question that Makarov had clawed from the depths of his mind. That insecurity he’d told himself was stupid. It was his own brain fighting against him. He told himself that Simon loved him. Had been dedicated to him and him alone. 

Now though, as he stood alone, staring at the door where both his boyfriend and his Captain had just suspiciously disappeared through one after the other, he couldn’t be so sure. Now, those thoughts pricked at him again and dug into his mind. There was a tension between the two men, one he wasn’t able to fully understand. 

As he stood, his emotions growing wilder and wilder, he thought about how desperately he wished that he wasn’t there. He thought about how desperately he wanted to see Soap and Ghost, his Soap and Ghost. 

He shook those thoughts off, pushing down the plague of self-depreciation that filled his mind. He reminded himself, this was his Soap and Ghost. This was his life. This was what he’d been wanting. This was what he’d tried so hard to get back to. 

It did nothing to wipe that sick feeling that rose in his chest.

Roach stood in front of the office door, picking at his fingers nervously. He’d been standing there for several minutes at that point, trying desperately to work up the nerves to actually knock on the door.

There was a weight that had settled over his chest from the moment that he had been left alone in that gym. He had to know. He had to see. 

He’d tried to return to his shared room with Simon. Tried to lie down and sleep, but there was that feeling, that little feeling in his mind that told him that he couldn’t sleep. There was something he needed to see, something his mind was trying to get him to understand and accept. He only hoped that it wasn’t what he thought it was. 

He’d left his shared room with Simon, trying to find his way to Captain MacTavish’s office by his memory alone. He very quickly found himself lost. Luckily for him, there were a few people who were able to point him in the right direction. They’d given him an odd look when he asked, likely because of who he was, but outside of that they’d said nothing to him other than a quick offer of directions. He was grateful for it. 

Now he was standing, trying to work up the courage to just knock on the door in front of him. He tried to convince himself that he had no reason to be worried, no reason to feel so sick. Still, that little place in the back of his mind wouldn’t settle, it demanded that he knock. Demanded that he recognized what it wanted him to. 

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before carefully raising his hand and giving three quick knocks on the door. There was a moment of pause before Soap’s voice called out, beckoning whoever was at the door to come in. Roach hesitantly gripped the handle of the door and pushed his way in, preparing for the worst.

What he saw, was simply Captain MacTavish, sitting at his desk with a pile of paperwork at his side. There was relief as he looked around the room. What had he been expecting to see? The two men that he loved locked away in the office, doing something inappropriate? The thought was a foolish one. Still, that part of his mind that had been begging for him to come to the Captain’s office hadn’t ceased, Roach still didn’t see what his mind was begging him to.

“Roach?” Captain MacTavish pushed himself back in his seat, an eyebrow raised at him, “What is it?”

Roach opened his mouth to speak but closed it quickly. He couldn’t exactly tell the Captain the truth of why he’d come to the room. “I,” he started nervously, “I was just, I just, well, I’m bored.” He winced at the poor lie. 

Soap tilted his head at him, “You’re bored?”

“Yes,” Roach confirmed with a wince, “I thought I might sit with you for a bit? Maybe help with some paperwork?” His voice trailed off at the end as a sheepish look took over his face. He realized how silly he probably sounded to the man in front of him. 

Soap leaned up, peering around him for a moment before asking with furrowed brows, “Where’s Ghost?”

Roach shrugged, “I don’t know. He had some stuff that he needed to do. He didn’t tell me what specifically.” He stepped fully into the room then, hesitantly beginning to close the door behind him. When Soap didn’t try to stop him, he shut it fully, turning to face the man again.

“Does he know that you’re here?” Soap leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed, “He probably wouldn’t like this.”

That made Roach a bit frustrated. What did it matter if Ghost didn’t like it? Why would Ghost care so much that he was spending time with Soap? They were all friends at the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter if Roach wanted to spend some time with him. 

“Does it matter?” He snapped lightly. He regretted it immediately, sending an apologetic look to Soap, “Sorry.”

Captain MacTavish raised a hand at him, a small smile on his face, “It’s okay, Roach. If you want to sit in here with me you’re free to. He gave him a grin, “And I’m not going to say no to a little help with paperwork.”

Roach couldn’t help but return his grin. There was something about Soap that was just infectious, he just drew Roach in. It’s why he found himself so easily drifting across the room toward him, ignoring the seats in front of the desk in favor of walking over to Soap’s side and leaning against it so that he could better speak to him. He enjoyed the look of surprise on the Captain’s face more than he wanted to admit. 

“Can I ask you a question?” He stretched out behind him on the desk, amusement burning in his eyes as he watched how closely the man in front of him monitored the movement. He still seemed taken aback by Roach’s boldness.

“Go for it.”

“Why aren’t you and Ghost getting along?” Roach tilted his head at the man, asking the question that had been burning in the back of his mind since he’d seen the two of them interact. “You guys used to get along. And I think if you tried,” he paused, trying to choose his words carefully, “You could get along very well. Almost as well as Simon and I do.”

Soap didn’t seem to understand the double meaning behind his words. Roach could see the way that his face had gone hard at the mention of Ghost, a tinge of disappointment sticking out to him like a sore thumb. What had Soap wanted him to ask? “It’s nothing, Roach.” He lifted his head to meet his eyes, Roach could tell he was lying, “We get along just fine. We just butt heads sometimes.”

“Liar,” Roach called out to him, tilting his head. “All that you two have done lately is fight. I don’t like it.” Soap looked up at him curiously and Roach answered before he could ask, “You’re important to me,” He fiddled with his fingers nervously, “I care about you a lot, Soap, and I don’t like to see people I care about fight.” There was a moment, the Captain stared at him with surprise burning on his face. His eyes had gone a bit wide and Roach wondered for a moment if he’d said something wrong. “Captain,” he started nervously, Soap cut him off.

“You called me Soap.”

“What?” Roach could feel panic rising up in his throat.

“You called me Soap,” The Captain stood from his seat moving to cage Roach into the desk with his arms, “Where did you hear that name? Hmm, Bug?”

Roach gave a bit of a shiver at his tone. He leaned back against the desk further, trying to put some sort of distance between himself and Soap before he lost his ability to think. It was a bit of a lost cause as his face went red and his mind started running circles around itself trying to come up with an excuse. “I just, um,” his eyes darted from Soap’s eyes to his mouth for a split second, dangerous thoughts entering his mind. Based on the surprised glint in the other man’s eyes, he’d definitely noticed. “Heard someone on base call you it,” he settled on lamely.

Soap raised a brow at him, “Oh really?” He took a step closer to him a chuckle leaving his mouth at the small gasp that forced its way from his lips. Roach couldn’t understand what was happening. This had to be something that his mind was creating, something that his mind was putting in place. But why? 

He could naturally explain it away as some sort of coma or death-induced wet dream, but that didn’t cover why his mind was still screaming at him, still trying to get him to understand something that he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to object to Soap pinning him to the desk, but there was something else that his mind wanted him to see. 

“Really,” he responded finally, his voice shaky.

“So,” Captain MacTavish leaned closer, breathing in his ear, “You came all the way here to confirm it for yourself? Is that it?” There was a pause, his hand came up to grip Roach’s upper thigh, “Or did you want to see how I’d react to it?”

Roach’s mind chose that point to remind him that, in this life, he isn’t dating both Soap and Ghost. He’s only dating Ghost. It’s the realization that sets him moving, his hands shoving at Soap’s chest as he scrambles away from the desk and immediately darts for the door, yanking it open to scramble out into the hallway. 

He’s mad at himself, he’s frustrated, he feels guilty, he’s mad that he feels guilty, and he wants, more than anything, to be back in the arms of the Soap and Ghost who get along. The Soap and Ghost who were both in love with him and in love with each other. The Soap and Ghost who he could cuddle with and forget everything around him. 

As he rushed through the hallways of the compound, trying desperately to get back to his shared room with Simon, he finds the world around him fading in and out. He realizes suddenly that his mind is trying to pull him from this dream world that he’s found himself in, that he’s stressed himself out so much that his mind is trying to wake up. 

There’s something keeping him though, something fighting off those waves and keeping him conscious in this dreamscape that he finds himself desperately wanting to leave. He knows if he stays there, if his mind makes him stay, his perception of his first life is going to be changed forever. He doesn’t know if he can deal with that. 

He knows it’s that part of his brain that needs him to see, that part of his brain that's been screaming at him since the moment he woke up that is keeping him there. Keeping him conscious. He knows that it's that part of his brain that’s creating everything around him, forcing him to see the truth. It’s all an illusion, all something he’s created for himself, but there is truth in it. A terrible truth. It’s that part of his brain that doesn’t make him pull away when his arm is grabbed, he’s pressed up against a wall, and his lips are covered quickly with Soap’s.

He can’t stop himself this time. His mind won’t let him. His arms wrap around Soap’s shoulders, he pulls him closer. He gasps against the other man’s mouth, his hands scrambling for some sort of purchase against his shirt as he is quickly overwhelmed. Soap’s mouth on his, their tongues together, hands come just under his shirt to grip at the naked skin of his stomach. He can’t think of anything other than this moment, the kiss, Soap’s hands on him. 

He can’t think. He’s filled with warmth. He wishes Ghost was there with them. 

There are footsteps, stomping toward them, Soap is yanked away from him, he immediately misses his warmth. His eyes open and they lock onto Ghost, the man staring at him. There’s a brief moment, a brief moment where Roach wants to smile at him, wants to pull him closer, and insist that the three of them go back to their room and spend the rest of the day together. 

That moment comes crashing down when Ghost whips around to land a hard punch on Captain MacTavish. Roach remembers all at once as fighting begins between the two. This is his first life. These two men hate each other. They hate each other. They love him. Roach realizes what his mind has been trying to get him to understand. 

His mind goes back to Makarov’s words as he slides down the wall, all strength sapped from his body at once.

“The universe kept so much streamlined. So much carried over from our first lives. Do you not wonder, if perhaps it was not a deviation, but something that the universe knew and you didn’t?”

He realized that Makarov was right, just not in the way he thought. The universe hadn’t fixed that Soap and Ghost were in love with each other. It fixed that they were in love with him. His breathing grew heavy at the thought, the world fading around him as, for the first time in a very long time, he gave an honest look back on the first life that he’d lived. 

Ghost and Soap fought, near constantly. Roach had been stuck in the middle, unable to really hold much of a friendship with Soap because of Ghost’s jealousy. It was different then. He hadn’t minded so much then because Ghost had been everything to him. Ghost was his person, he was Ghost’s. That was it. Captain MacTavish had known that, he’d been respectful, but it hadn’t stopped Ghost from holding his feelings against the man. 

Roach loved Ghost. He loved the Ghost from his first life. He loved Simon. He would never stop loving that version of him. He couldn’t. It was written into his DNA at that point. But, he had changed. And that was the issue wasn’t it?

He wasn’t the same person that he’d been in his first life. He had a whole new life under his belt. New experiences, new friends, new feelings. He was in love with both Soap and Ghost. Not just one, both of them. He didn’t want to have to live without them. Didn’t want to go back to a world, a life, where he couldn’t have both of them. 

He tucked into himself as tears quickly formed in his eyes and started rolling down his cheeks. All of his second life, all he’d done is compared things to his first life and now? Now that he was back to some semblance of that, all that he could do was pray that he could go back, pray that he wasn’t actually dead. Pray that he could finally use that second chance he’d been given.

His world faded back to black. There was silence. He was still crying. He was floating again. It felt different this time. He felt like he was still present. He didn’t know what that meant, but, he could hope it meant something good.

“Roach, dude, I know you’re still asleep, but you’re gonna be so fucking proud of me dude I just had to tell you.” Roach recognizes Jackson’s voice immediately. It calms his nerves sufficiently and he wants to give a sigh of relief as he starts to come back to himself. He can hear beeping, presumably his heart monitor. He can feel the dull aches all over his body. 

He recognizes easily from the noises that he’s in a hospital bed. He can feel bandages wrapped around his throat and one of his hands. The other feels as though it's in a cast of some sort. He tries to flex his fingers and is pleasantly surprised as they move. He can feel himself coming back, slowly gaining movement in his body. He begins peeling his eyes open.

“So your friends from the 141 have been coming by, and your mom has only been letting them stay for an hour at a time, you know she’s still pretty pissed at them. They’ve still been coming though,” Roach manages to catch his eyes on Jackson. The man isn’t paying attention to him, his chin pressed down as he grins excitedly at his phone, “And you know I’ve been begging you for the cute British ones number, but you kept saying no because he kept saying no, but I talked to him and he so fucking thinks I’m hot dude. He was making eyes at me the whole time,” Roach watches him quietly, amusement raising in his throat as he realized that Jackson was still completely unaware that he was awake. “Anyway, long story short, I managed to get his number dude. I’m so in. I’m so fucking in dude.”

“Of course, I would wake up just as you start ranting about Gaz. I’d hoped my injured privilege would keep that away for at least a little bit.” He couldn’t help the laugh that forced its way painfully from his dry throat as Jackson fully jumped, his phone flung away from him in panic as his wide eyes shot to him. His laughter quickly turned into a pained cough and Jackson was quick to rush through grabbing a cup of water from the side table and bringing it up to his lips. Roach took sips from it gratefully, muttering, “Worth it,” between drinking. 

Jackson let out a huff, “Fuck dude, leave it to you to wake up just in time to scare the shit out of me.” He moved the drink away from his mouth and back to the desk, his eyes trailing across the room with a wince to where his phone lay on the ground from where he threw it, “If I lost Kyle’s number because my phone is broken I’m putting you back into a coma.” 

Roach laughed again, watching him move across the room to grab his phone before moving back. “Is it broken?” He asked with a lazy smile as he watched the man dust it off and begin to type onto it rapidly.

“No, you’re lucky, you get to stay awake for now. I’ll just let your mom choke you out in a hug when she gets back,” Jackson set his phone to the side, turning back to him with a bright grin, “But god damn dude, Doctors didn’t think you’d wake up for another few days.”

“How long have I been out?” Roach tried to push himself up to sit in the bed. He stopped with a huff and instead reached for the little remote that would move the bed up enough for him to sit. 

Jackson watched him, amused, “Few days. Today would have made six.” Roach tried to calculate in his head where that placed them, it was harder than he thought, especially as he realized that he didn’t quite know how long he’d been with Makarov. He could assume it was somewhere over two weeks, but since he didn’t know how long he’d been out after being stabbed the first time, he couldn’t be sure. 

“My family?” Roach asked, finally abandoning his calculations. Thinking about his time with Makarov for any longer than a few moments sent a wave of sickness over his body.

Jackson’s smile dipped just a bit, “They’re on their way back now. I only just now managed to convince them all to go home for a shower.” He paused for a moment before adding, “You’re mom’s pissed. You should feel proud, you’ve made a southern woman hate the military, it’s quite an accomplishment.” 

Roach could feel himself growing more and more nervous, guilt already gnawing at his insides as he brought his hands up to pick at his nails again. He wouldn’t be surprised if he had little scars around his destroyed fingers by the end of all of this, “Uh, You said that the team came by. She only let them stay for an hour?”

Jackson’s hand landed on top of his, moving one of his hands into his own. Roach could tell from the look on his face that it was meant to stop him from picking at his nails. “She didn’t want them in here in the first place,” he said calmly, “If I’m being honest, I think she only let them stay because of Ghost.”

“Ghost?” Roach questioned, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“He introduced himself as Simon,” Jackson explained, Roach understood immediately. “Needless to say, your entire family were curious about him.”

“You think they…?”

“I think,” Jackson started carefully, “I think they think it’s an odd coincidence. I think your mom may have said something to him. But, I think more than anything it was an excuse. A way for your mom to justify letting them stay without feeling guilty.”

Roach let out a small sigh of relief. The last thing he wanted to be dealing with was his family dragging up his old nightmares because of Simon. There was a short silence that settled over the room, the two men just sitting in the other’s presence for several moments. Despite the lack of talking between the two, there was obvious communication. 

It was clear on Jackson’s face that he’d been worried. Even now, he was watching Roach carefully, his eyes locked on to his face for any hint that he was uncomfortable or in pain. There wasn’t judgment between the two, or anger, only a sense of relief that things were okay, that Roach had made it back in one piece. 

Still, there was a question that burned at the back of Roach’s mind. He didn’t know if he wanted the answer to it, he didn’t know if he could handle it, but his mind wouldn’t let it disappear. Jackson could see it clear as day, “You can ask,” he said finally. “I can tell you want to know.”

“You guys,” Roach started, avoiding the man’s gaze, “How did,” he cut himself off. After a moment of struggling he settled on, “How were things? While I was gone?”

“Your parents didn’t believe it,” Jackson leaned forward in his wheelchair, “Neither did your brothers. I knew right away what you did, couldn’t tell anyone. They were worried, especially when we got word that you were being brought to a hospital with severe injuries.” Jackson’s free hand came up to rub his face nervously, after a moment, he caught Roach’s eye, “Roach…what happened?”

Roach closed his eyes for a brief moment, shaking his head to try to dispel the memories of his time with Makarov that came rushing back to him. “It’s not important,” he said, “What matters is that he’s dead.”

“No,” Jackson countered, his hand that was holding Roach’s growing just a bit tighter. It was clear that he was angry and, for a short terrifying moment, Roach thought that anger was aimed at him. He must have shown some sort of reaction, because soon Jackson was letting his grip on his hand go slack and giving him an apologetic glance. “I understand that you’re happy Makarov is dead,” he started, his voice soft, “But you can be happy he’s dead and still deal with whatever the fuck he did to you while you were there.”

Roach was quiet for a moment, guilt gnawing at him even more now. His chest felt tighter somehow and he found that all that he wanted to do was cry. He wanted to tell Jackson what had happened to him, but he didn’t want the man to have to deal with the things that he was dealing with. He didn’t want to put anything on the other man. “I,” he hesitated for a moment, tears pricking at the edge of his vision. He tried to fight them down. “I don’t-”

The door to his hospital room burst open, and his hands came up quickly to wipe at his face, trying to hide his tears as his mother and father rushed into the room, their faces frantic. “Oh, baby!” His mother cried as she rushed around the side of the bed to gently wrap him up in a hug, one of her hands beginning to quickly card through his hair as she held him close to her chest. 

He allowed himself to lean into the hug, tears pricking at his eyes again as, a moment later, his father was on his other side, leaning across to join in their hug. “Hey,” he managed to choke out nervously, earning a small, tear-filled laugh from his mother. After another moment, his mother was pulling away to look over him, her hand on his cheeks.

“Gary Sanderson, if you ever do anything like this to me ever again,” she cut herself off by pulling him back into a hug.

“What your mother is trying to say,” his father's voice was laced with amusement, “Is that we’re glad to see you.”

“I’m glad to see you guys,” he responded easily, giving his father a smile as he allowed his mother to continue squeezing him, “I’m sorry, I hope you guys didn’t get put through too much trouble.” That guilt was back. He bit at the inside of his cheek this time rather than going back to picking at his nails. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” His mother shook her head at him as she pulled back fully, “That wasn’t your fault okay.”

“Mom,” he started lowly. The last thing he needed to hear at the moment was his mother's hatred for the job he’d chosen.

“I’m just saying,” his mother crossed her arms, “Listen, Jonathan is more than happy to give you a job at the bar, you can work there until you find something else-”

“Mom,” he cut her off, “Not now, okay?” 

She looked like she wanted to argue, but she didn’t get a chance as, within the next second, the door to the room was opened and there were four young children rushing inside with giggled laughter. Following behind them was a sheepish-looking Eddie, his wife, Alice, following in after him with a baby in her arms. “Sorry,” Eddie called, “Didn’t mean to immediately let the heathens loose.”

Roach couldn’t help but give a grin to the man, his attention quickly drawn away as one of his nieces shoved her way over beside the hospital bed and reached up to tug roughly at his hospital gown, “Uncle Gary, up!”

“Honey, Uncle Gary isn’t feeling too well right now, okay,” Eddie made his way over to gently pull the girl away.

“But I want up! Marie said that one of the tall men yesterday put her on his shoulders! I want up!”

Roach looked over to Jackson with a raised eyebrow, “Soap,” he explained quickly, “Gave rides to Jonathan’s kids.” 

Roach couldn’t help the small grin that spread over his face at the mental image of Soap lifting his nieces and nephews up to sit on his shoulders. It was an adorable thought and, he hoped, that maybe the team would come back to visit and he’d get to see it for himself. He turned back to look at his brother and his sister-in-law. “Is that my new nephew?” He asked upon seeing the baby curled up asleep in his mother’s arms. 

Alice stepped forward, a small smile on her face as she moved down enough that Roach could see the adorable baby wrapped up in her arms. “This,” she started with a glance up at Eddie, “Is Walter Gary Sanderson.”

He couldn’t hide the tears that came this time as he reached out, the baby quickly capturing one of his fingers in his hand. “He’s adorable,” he said finally, “You two certainly do make cute kids. A lot of ‘em too,” he couldn’t help but joke at the end. The words managed to pull a laugh out of Alice and a grin from Eddie.

“How are you feeling,” Eddie asked after a moment, moving closer to the bed so that he could look over him with keen eyes. Roach knew that he had likely shifted his brain into doctor mode, watching carefully for any sign that something was wrong with him. 

He shook his head, “I feel fine,” he winced slightly when one of his nephews jumped on the bed slightly, jostling his wounds. The boy was quickly scolded by his mother, but the movement had Eddie crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at him. “I feel as fine as I can,” he corrected himself. “Seriously, I’ve had worse. I’m okay.”

“See, I told you guys, tough as nails this kid is.” Roach turned to the door, a grin on his face as he was met with a matching grin from Jonathan, “They’ve all been worried as shit,” he waved his hand, “I tried to tell them you would be fine.”

Roach choked back a laugh as one of Jonathan’s kids raced past him chanting, “Shit, shit, shit!” His brother gave a grimace and, it was only a second later that his arm was slapped by his wife, Melissa. 

Melissa turned to give him a soft smile a moment later, “Glad to see you’re up, Gary.” She turned her attention to trying to wrangle her three children.

“I was just checking to make sure,” Eddie turned toward Jonathan, “If he’s in too much pain we can tell a nurse and get him something.”

“I’m fine,” Roach stressed again, “I feel fine.”

“You have a broken rib, a broken wrist, a broken nose, a concussion, should I go on?” Eddie raised an eyebrow at him and Roach winced in return.

“Well I hate to add to it,” Jonathan joked as he walked over to stand beside Jackson, one of his hands landing on the man’s shoulder, “But I got some bad news. Your boyfriend here was flirting with one of your friends yesterday.”

Roach rolled his eyes and collapsed back against the bed, “How many times do I have to tell you guys that Jackson and I aren’t together?”

“Your brother is my type, but we aren’t like that,” Jackson added playfully.

“Not helping Paul.” 

Jonathan pointed between them, “Soon as I see an actual boyfriend and not just this guy for the billionth time, I’ll believe you. Until then, your secret relationship will remain not a secret to this family.” 

“What if I get a boyfriend?” Jackson questioned.

“A fake. I won’t believe it.”

Roach didn’t answer, only raised his middle finger to his brother quickly, wincing a moment later when his mother's voice rang out, “Gary Sanderson, don’t flip your brother off!”

Roach was coloring, though not very well with his wrist still fucked up, with his nieces and nephews when the team came the next day. 

He wasn’t paying attention, all of his focus on trying to keep his coloring in the lines to please his niece who’d taken to criticizing his coloring skills. She was telling him about how the color he’d chosen for his grass in the picture wasn’t right when he heard the door to the room open. He only glanced up at first, assuming that it was a nurse coming to check in. However, after his mind had caught up to him his head was jerking back up, and his eyes widened slightly as he froze at the sight of Captain Price, staring at him, equally as frozen. 

There was a moment of pause before he heard a familiar voice call out, “Captain? C’mon, we’d like to see Roach too?” There was a pause before Captain Price was stepping out of the way enough to allow the rest of the members of the team entry into the room, his eyes still locked onto Roach.

Around him stepped Soap, Gaz, and Ghost, each of them freezing as soon as they realized that Roach was awake as well. There was tension in the room, everyone could tell. Things went quiet. Even Roach’s nieces and nephews who were usually so rowdy seemed to notice the sudden tension and paused. 

Roach looked over the team, unsure of what to say for several moments as he scanned over them. His throat seemed to close in on itself as he looked at them, his eyes locking on to Soap and Ghost in particular as that guilt from before washed over him in waves. He knew they were probably angry, he knew that they were probably disgusted with him, he couldn’t handle it. He knew that he had his own issues with them that he’d have to work through. It was all overwhelming as it washed over him.

He tried not to let his breathing get too out of control. He needed one of them to speak. He needed them to move. He wanted to scream it out to them, to tell them that they needed to stop just standing there and show something on their faces. He settled instead on spewing out an apology, his hands shaking as his words came out much louder and quicker than he expected, “I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!”

There was another pause, he fiddled with his hands. It was Ghost who moved first, crossing the room in several quick strides. He didn’t hesitate when he reached his side, reaching up to pull his face mask down just enough that he could lean down to capture Roach’s lips against his own. 

Roach tensed, shocked at Ghost’s boldness before finally relaxing into the kiss. He couldn’t help the way his mouth dropped open slightly when Ghost pulled away, shock ringing through his system. He’d expected anger, he certainly hadn’t expected to be kissed. 

He didn’t have time to question Ghost though, not when Soap was coming back to himself and crossing the room to capture Roach’s lips against his just as Ghost had done only a moment earlier. 

Roach didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, a warm fluttery feeling filling his gut as he realized that, even if the two were mad at him, they still cared about him just as much as he cared about them. He could hear his family coming back to themselves, whispering amongst themselves as he pulled away from Soap to grin up at both him and Ghost. 

“Is this a military greeting that I don’t know about?” 

Jackson gave a snort, looking up at Jonathan with a grin, “Nope, but hey, does two boyfriends work for proving to you that I’m not boning your little brother?”

There wasn’t a moment for Roach to laugh at his brother’s dumbfounded face as Gaz and Price crossed over to him, each pulling him into a short hug. Price ruffled his hair fondly when he pulled back, a small smile on his face, “Good to see you up, Sergeant.”

“Good to be up, Captain,” Roach responded with a grin of his own. He knew that there were things that he was going to have to work through. Things that he, Soap, and Ghost were going to have to talk about. But, for now, he allowed himself to relax, happy to finally be back with his people. Happy to have another chance at living his life. 

Prev: Part 18

Next: Part 20 - Coming Soon

[explodedjunk]

It started, but will it end?

It’s just a short story, nothing huge.

Conclusion:

Hela, Thor, and Loki’s adventure when Loki is adopted.

I’m planning on maybe making a series and make more chapters but my grammar is as bad a dog, and this fanfic will also be and Au in the mcu where Hela didn’t leave and also show the Odinsons childhood in this Au story.

I hope this can show the age differences in this Au (There age is in human years)

Loki-6

Thor-13

Hela-19

I did some research off of them and this is what i got. Enjoy! ❤️

Story on tumblr:

After the war between the Giants and the Asgardians, Odin Borson found an infant, which eventually turned into Loki Odinson of Asgard. That’s when everything started.

Frigga had taken out a crib, Thor was questioning as to why as he stood there and watched, until Frigga called Thor to come closer, and there he was, Loki.

“Who is it” Thor questioned

“It’s your newly young brother, Loki” Frigga uttered

“Can I play with him, Does he talk, Is he awake, Is he oka-“ Frigga cut him off.

“He was just born, he’s sleeping. You’ll have to wait to play later, he isn’t as big as you yet, he’s a few months old, and you, my beautiful first son is seven and will protect Loki everyday.” Frigga assured.

Hela walked in with a questioning but considerate face. “Brother, you should let our baby brother rest.” Hela paused. “Come with me Thor, I’ll teach you how to use your hammer” Thor grinned, but then replied “Just a few minutes” Frigga knew that the love Thor had for his little brother just began, and would never end.

Loki’s eyes spit open and looked at Thor, and wailed out gibberish but then, everything went quiet, after a few seconds there was a yell and tears came out. Thor then assured Loki “Don’t worry baby brother, I will always protect you and stay by your side. No matter what happens in Asgard and anywhere else.” Hela smiled but then nodded her head saying to come and its time to leave now, but Thor gave a look to his mother told hold Loki, Frigga approved and so they went.

6 years later, Loki was 6, Thor was 13, and Hela was 19.

Hela and Thor had grown up to be war partners and help each other, Although due of Loki’s young age and mostly no experience, Thor and Loki grew a relationship, a really strong one, they were inseparable. However, Their father had gotten into some funny business with some of the people and Thor and Hela was there to help arrange the problems their father has created.

The morning before the arrangement, Loki and Thor was seated together.

“Brother are you going to leave” he questioned.

Thor understood that Loki was sad that they were gonna be gone. “Brother, I’m coming back. I will be gone for a few hours but I assure you that me and Hela will be okay” Thor exclaimed. Loki started tearing up, Thor was use to it, Loki was mischievous but emotional with Thor and their family. Thor then hugged Loki goodbye even though it will not be there last, but as Thor walker to find Odin and Hela, Loki tugged on Thor’s shirt.

Thor gave a questioning look to Loki even though he knew that Loki was very attached, but Thor assumed that it’s just because he was young and not very matured yet. Thor then scolded Loki saying it was dangerous and not some game they played together.

“Brother, please stay” Thor knew he couldn’t get out of this situation, he hated seeing Loki sad but Thor knew he couldn’t betray his father and his older sister so Thor pushed off Loki, and flew away to Hela and his father. Hearing Loki’s loud screaming complains on the way.

Hela noticed Thor’s different act and Hela questioned it, “What has gotten you put down?” Thor blinked “Nothing” Hela looked so tired of his responses always being ‘nothing’ Hela then demanded “It’s always nothing with you, you will tell me now, and not come into my room again telling me your problems when you can tell me them now. What happened”

Thor felt threatened by Hela finally flashing out. Thor had a long pause until Hela gave him that look. “Loki was crying because we were leaving and i kept telling him i have to go but he was being so stubborn, and he then tugged on my clothes so i pushed him off and flew away” Hela was shocked.

Hela then said, “Loki probably isn’t that worried about me, he just wants his big brother to be with him, he was always attached to you. Loki just will never learn to grow without you..Well for now, and Loki will probably be asleep by now as that infant never has a break, don’t think about it and let’s get our job done.” Thor smiled and got to work.

[jetlagface]

January 16th (sort of) 2025

I can’t sleep again so I am typing this on my phone and I guess I will find a way to get it to you later on.

It’s ten minutes until three and I am in a half full bath which is where I’ve been at during this time pretty much 90% of my life.

I’m always curious the actual breakdown of how much of my existence I spent inside a bathtub but I’m not sure the answer would soothe me at all. How much time I needed an escape from my bed rotting, how much time my back ached beyond ignoring, and apparently how much time I couldn’t sleep.

I have to be awake for work in 3 hours 39 minutes and 15 seconds and yesterday I created the death of a family member out of thin air.

There will probably come a point where my director sees through my excuses and comes to the conclusion that I am lazy and not fit for my job rather than reaching through the lines I didn’t give her and understanding that I can’t sleep.

I don’t put that lightly and I don’t mean a simple tossing and turning but I guess I don’t have to explain that to you considering you’re here, probably in the same state and reading back on these entries instead of making them.

The pills didn’t work and neither did the lullabies and especially not the closing my eyes and actually giving it a shot that everybody recommends.

Earlier I took an appropriately timed bath and accidentally got my hair wet while trying to block out the noise in my head.

I’m sure you’re aware that getting my hair wet without any soap leaves it drying up in weird positions and making me itch until I bleed so I’m back here now to wash my hair.

I messaged my director before I got in telling her I needed to leave by 1 tomorrow but even that is going to feel like a stretch on my limbs.

Not to mention my reasoning was to make funeral arrangements for my imaginary aunt (on my mother’s side) that unexpectedly passed away yesterday.

It won’t be hard to go in there and do 75% of a shift and pretend to grieve because I am pretty much constantly doing that anyways.

I’m not sure why I can’t make good decisions in my life and why it feels so much easier to lie and spend money I don’t have. I imagine it’s both nature and nurture and the same goes for the way I can hate myself but not enough to make any real change.

The same part of them that does that is also hoping she lends me sympathy I don’t deserve and tells me I don’t need to come in at all.

The only thing stopping me from calling off completely is my own anxiety and embarrassment, not any type of moral high ground. It’s not that I’m not tired, I’m probably the most tired I’ve ever been these days.

I just can’t sleep.

My face is a disaster right now on a completely unrelated note. He drives up here tomorrow and I am just dreading every thing right now.

This is the coldest winter I have ever experienced and my heart feels it too.

I’m making no sense now but I just want to talk and I have nobody to be on the other end except for myself. I am wondering what you are doing again but I hate asking about it both because I know you can’t answer me in a way that matters and I also know it drives me crazy to consider it.

I wish I could be me forever even if I am complaining about my qualities in this entry but it is scarier to change. I read the things I’ve posted so far, in the two weeks of the new year, and already feel disconnected from myself.

Too exhausting to think about right now.

Please don’t spend any money tomorrow.

And don’t forget to post me.

edit before posting later that night, I called off completely and spent the rest of my savings. Sorry me.

[themooncupid]

White Roses

There is someone knocking on my door,

I tell her I'm waiting for something more.

I want white roses,

A lover not afraid of love in large doses.

A lover who'd cook and bake without me asking,

A lover who'd call me out and also apologize without complaining of multitasking.

There is someone knocking on my door,

I tell her what she must do if she wants something more.

I tell her I'm loyal to the one that moves my core.

A lover who'd risk their heart for a chance to get mine beating again,

A lover who let's me be flawed when I break about never being a man.

A lover who taunts,

A lover who flaunts,

A lover who laughs,

A lover whose hand feels like one of the halves.

And she'd kiss and she'd sow,

Risk it all to watch her seed grow.

When my soil is poor she will dig it out and pour and pour.

I want white roses,

A lover who approaches.

This time I won't care how many hearts I break,

This time I'll keep and keep before they take and take.

I want a picnic under a tree,

I want my heart to shake so violently that love convinces it to be a bee.

I want a lover who doesn't have me guessing,

Territorial about my love they can't stop obsessing.

A lover who'd pull anyone away from the door,

A lover who shows me something more.

I want more,

I want more,

I deserve more,

I want more,

I want to be a sea,

I want to be rain

I want to pour.

I need more,

I need more,

I deserve more,

I need more before I pour.

I want more,

I wait for more,

I want my lover to love me more,

Steal me and shake my core,

I want more,

Give me more.

Dig into my chest cavity and manually pump my heart for a drop to fall before I pour.

I am loyal to the one who breaks down the door.

I want more,

I need more,

I deserve more,

Give me more,

Write a story with my name,

Kiss letters and leave violet petals in the envelope without shame.

Love me more,

I want more,

Who's next?

I need someone who will love me more,

Sing me a melody,

Be my remedy.

I want white roses and a kiss.

When true love finds me,

Don't miss.

.

..

...

At night I kiss the pillow where she would lay,

I try to dream a little each day.

On cold nights I lay on her side,

I let the idea sweep me gently like a slow tide.

Move me between the sun and the moon.

Give me more than white roses and a sweet tune.

I don't let anyone lay on her side of the bed,

I don't let anyone get stuck in my head.

I want more.

More than white roses.

Give me love in large doses,

And then give more.

...

..

.

My heart,

It hasn't been beating, and the memories have been overwhelming.

My heart,

I'm losing you.

People shake me by the shoulders, but you don't budge, you don't feel.

Even when skin touches skin,

My heart,

You push before they steal.

My heart,

You've become steel.

My heart,

Believe in white roses,

Believe in love in large doses.

My heart,

Don't be what they have turned you to be.

Remember the white roses and dreams,

Forget the pain, forget the streams.

Remember.

Remember the stars above your head,

Sleep on her side of the bed,

Not beating is for the dead.

You're alive,

You're awake,

I'll keep you so you won't break.

Remember the white roses and dreams,

Forget the pain, forget the streams.

Remember.

Remember the name of your kids,

Remember you could have a family that only lets out happy screams.

And you could be Dad, you could be Mom,

Remember your Papá walking you down a cathedral with a love so calm.

What else do you want?

At least 1 kid but you wanted 3? we can have 3.

The dream of you making them a house on a tree.

And when you were young what else did you want?

A love so free?

A love that's not perfect but not dark gray,

A lover who kisses your body by night and your hands by day.

My heart,

We'll wait for more than white roses.

[stillresolved]

"Wait, hold on," the view on Hyun's end of the facetime call moves precariously and wildly, clearly someone doesn't care how much motion sickness she inflicts onto whomever has the unfortunate fate of being in a call with her at this hour. But before the shaking can get seriously violent- "Wait, you'll throw up," - Hyun covers the camera with her hand. Which narrows down the people she could be calling down to two, because only for two would she care.

Or, rather, one, because Aeri escapes the treatment of Hyun showing up at her door. So it can only be Aeri.

"Here," the shadow disappears and Hyun's hand reappears at the edge of the frame, motioning at the letters gathering on her bed. "Hate mail. Physical hate mail. Like the internet isn't a thing or something. They send it to my agency and they just keep dumping it at my door."

A sigh, the noise of someone throwing themselves onto the bed, and then Hyun flips the moving sight back to the front camera. She stares up at the phone she's holding above her head. "Admittedly, it's not a lot, most of the shit still happens online, but... Would setting it on fire and then posting it be too much, what do you say."

((BESTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually can't know if Aeri would pick up a call in the middle of the night or so, so please feel free to ignore if it doesn't make sense >:33))

@mythvoiced / if she is your bestie, she is also your ride-or-die.

FEW PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO INTERRUPT HER SLEEP. And even if they are, they are hardly ever greeted with the model who bites her tongue. Everyone needs their sleep and models ( designers ) too are no exception. Something Aeri knows the rest of her family would scoff at her for; amongst all the night owls, she forced herself into being an early bird. Parties and social standings don’t feel nearly as relevant when there is the higher calling of timeless fashion to answer.

Still. It is Hyun and a lioness always tends to her own pride. Even if it is ass-o’clock in the morning.

That and Hyun, nonchalant and apathetic Hyun, Hyun’s voice is shaking. That’s more than enough reason to take the call in the sitting room. The dread collects in Aeri’s stomach all the while; they both know how cutthroat the industry is so if Hyun is calling her at this time, that can only the haters have only reached a new low.

“Slow down,” Aeri snaps, eyes bleary. “I’ll get a headache if you move your phone too much; we’re not shooting a horror film.” And yet the true monstrosity reveals itself from behind Hyun’s hand. Maybe it’s not really a monstrosity so much as a…

Her vision flashes red. She’s wide awake now. “Well then. Now we know your haters definitely don’t have a life outside of you. And your agency isn’t doing their job either.” 

Not that it was ever doing Hyun a service to begin with. If anything, Aespen Stars should be paying Hyun for putting up with their subpar services. It really is too bad that they also work for actors too; otherwise, Hyun would have no reason to stick around, would she?

The thing is, even if her best friend did jump ship, it doesn’t guarantee that it would be a smooth transition, would it? People like them don’t get to have that, not with the eyes of millions on them, watching, always.

 ( That is a thought though: AERI Designs doesn’t have to be just a fashion boutique– )

“You might as well make it an Instagram Story at that point. Catch it in action. Dispatch will love to see it. Maybe if you do it fast enough your agency won’t notice.” Not that Aeri thinks Hyun would actually do so. Just like the rest of the world, her agency is always watching. Still, there is still a situation to be dealt with and unfortunately, there’s only so much throwing money can do for the problem.  “...Drop by my place tomorrow. Or whenever your schedule lets you, Hyun-ah. If your agency complains, you can tell them I told them to shove it up their ass.”

[missspringthyme]

February 19th, 2024

Forgot! To set! My alarm! Tomorrow morning I swear.

I did finally do all the laundry (3 loads!) so that's good. I'll have to vacuum tomorrow. The washing machine was in high demand for a Monday, I may have to switch my laundry day to combat this if it becomes a trend. The whole point was to avoid weekend wait times.

I didn't get groceries so I didn't eat breakfast, but instead I had one massive meal that's kept me full the entire day (a bowl of miso, a block of fried tofu, some rice with furikake, and cucumber). I feel like I finally understand Thanksgiving. While I was out in the kitchen making my bruninner (breakfast+lunch+dinner), Finnish roommate and two of her friends came in to have some cheesecake. One of which I had met before (stoner indian guy), but I hadn't met the other girl. They're all engineering students and it's exam season right now, so they're all suffering. I mostly just listened to the complain and occasionally chimed in with my own stuff.

I will admit, I'm feeling a little self conscious because I had a big flare up of congested pores around my mouth and my chin that I very stupidly picked at. Needless to say I'm not feeling at my most pretty. Ironically though, I feel like I've escaped a lot of the damage that could have been done to me by only developing problems with my skin as an adult. I feel like if I had acne in high school I wouldn't be able to leave my room without make up. Anyway, they gave me some cheesecake as well which was really nice. It tasted incredible as well, and I paired it with a mug of lavender tea.

I left to go to my first lab meeting, they're having members present their research to us and this first one was about body-brain rhythms. They're holding a conference on the topic this September in Italy and said if anyone wanted to volunteer to let them know. I 100% am, but set a reminder to email the guy tomorrow so I don't look too thirsty. I mean, I already was considering being in Italy before graduation. What could be more perfect? The presentation was interesting too, I'm considering going in person on Mondays so that I can have an excuse to go to campus (and be a little bit more of a well known face in the lab ;)), the only thing that I'm concerned about is that I essentially can either listen or look like I'm listening. At least on a zoom call I can do things off screen, so people don't really notice but in person stuff is always a fight to remain focused and awake. I ended up drawing this during the presentation, and all I could think about is that hopefully one day I have enough credibility that I could openly doodle during a meeting. It would genuinely help me so much. Ah well. For the sake of my career it's probably better I attend in person, look engaged, but have nothing stick in my head. How ironic.

The rest of the day I spent playing some sims, watching modern family, and hiding out with my phone on do not disturb. I'm trying to create some actual, intentional moments of space so I can properly recharge. I think things are slowly getting better, but also I have the feeling I'm not going to end up putting sheets on my bed tonight. What can you do.

[izdatazn]

Welcome to S.U.I.T.S: Initiation By Fire

TERRAN 7 - DAY 2 TOURNAMENT

Upon waking up the next day, I was greeted by the delightful melodies of chirping birds and the sun's warm rays shining through my bedroom blinds. After stretching luxuriously in bed, I made my way towards the window that opened onto my balcony. With a gentle push, I realized that I had forgotten to close it and still felt a bit groggy. It is Sunday, January 11th, 2079.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," a familiar voice called out.

Following the sound, I squinted until my eyes adjusted and saw Asuka standing in front of me on her own balcony. She was wearing her kitty pajamas and leaning against the railing. "You're finally awake," she said with a smile.

"What time did you wake up?" I asked with a yawn.

"Only five minutes ago," she replied.

"Liar," I said skeptically as another yawn escaped me.

Asuka began to climb over her balcony railing. "Be careful," I cautioned. "The morning dew makes it slippery."

"You don't need to worry about me," she replied confidently. Without hesitation, she climbed over onto my balcony but lost her balance and started slipping forward. Reacting quickly, I caught her before she fell and potentially hurt herself. Holding her securely in my arms, she readjusted herself.

"I told you to be careful," I warned sternly. "You could injure yourself right before competition day."

"See?" she giggled playfully. "I don't need to worry because you are here to catch me." Her laughter filled the air as our eyes locked once more; birds continued their cheerful chirping around us. Asuka leaned closer towards me, creating a misty breath as our warm breath met with the chilly outside air. Our lips were almost about to touch when we were abruptly interrupted by a knock at my door, causing us both to separate hastily.

I heard muffled voices coming from outside my room. My mother was calling me. "Issei, breakfast is ready!"

Asuka popped into my room and shouted, "Mrs. Kobayashi, I'll join you!" She opened my door and greeted my mother with a hug.

"I will gladly do that for you, Asuka!" My mother exclaimed happily. "Can you wake up Nao for me?"

"Of course," she answered excitedly.

As my mother walked away, I couldn't resist sneaking a glance back into my room. My heartbeat gradually returned to its normal rhythm as Asuka spun around, meeting my gaze. Her face was flushed, and I noticed that mine was too despite the chilly weather. She playfully stuck her tongue out at me before skipping away.

She's undoubtedly going to be the cause of my demise in the future.

I joined Asuka, Nao, and my mother in the kitchen. While eating my breakfast, I observed Asuka and Nao playing together. Nao, who is my younger sister and is in her first year of middle school, has a strong fondness for Asuka despite being from a different family. Likewise, Asuka also reciprocates this adoration for Nao.

"How are you finding middle school?" Asuka inquired. "Tell your older sister what has changed from elementary school to middle school."

Nao responded, "The school uniform is adorable, and I am making many friends at school."

"If anyone is teasing you, let me know, and I'll come to your school and teach them a lesson," Asuka asserted.

"Don't do that," I replied. "You'll only make it worse."

"But why?" Asuka complained. She wrapped her arm around Nao and hugged her tightly. "She's my baby sister too." 

Annoyed by her, I grabbed my coffee and took a sip.

"Asuka," Nao spoke up. Her eyes met with Asuka's. "Will you marry my older brother?" I almost spit out my coffee. I coughed before reaching for my water cup to clear my throat.

Asuka snickered at me and answered her, "If your big brother allows me to." We exchanged glances for a moment before I looked away and continued eating my breakfast.

"Because I would love for you to be with me forever," Nao expressed.

Asuka hugged her tightly. "Why is Nao so adorable!”

I stood by the doorstep, my sports bag slung over my shoulder, waiting for Asuka. I watched Nao come running down the stairs, with Asuka chasing after her. I noticed her wearing my favorite jacket again. Nao threw her bag on the ground, and it slid to a stop near my feet. Asuka caught up to her and lifted Nao, giving her one last hug before setting her down. She then joined me at the doorstep.

"Shouldn't we meet near the neighborhood cafe?" I asked. "Instead of at my house?"

"Nah," she replied as Nao ran over and hugged Asuka. "It's more fun to be greeted like this."

"Good luck today, Asuka!" Nao shouted enthusiastically. "Win first place!"

"She's our competition, Nao," I reminded her.

"But Asuka will win!" Nao confidently stated.

I sighed and opened my door. "Asuka has her own little fan club." Asuka slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out with a big grin on her face.

"You're just jealous that I have such an adorable fan club president!" she giggled as I closed the door and followed them down the stairs. We opened the gate door and were greeted by Kumiko across the street, who was also leaving her house.

"Oh, what's happening here?" Kumiko asked curiously.

"I received a text from Asuka saying that she wanted breakfast with my little sister," I explained.

"And you didn't invite me?" Kumiko questioned playfully.

"I wasn't sure if you were awake at that time," I responded honestly.

Asuka and Kumiko walked side by side as we made our way through the neighborhood, engaging in casual conversation about something that didn't interest me much.

The second day of the tournament commenced with even more excitement in the air and a larger influx of spectators into the track and field area of the schools. The situation escalated to such an extent that we had to seek assistance from local law enforcement to ensure smooth operations during the event. This prestigious occasion is being hosted by a well-respected school.

"Sho, could you please refrain from posting things on the school's social media?" I asked, feeling annoyed. "Please don't deny it when it's clearly shown in the picture."

"But people love a good rivalry story," Sho replied, casually putting his arm around my neck as he showed me the photos. One of them was titled "Intense Rivalry On The Tracks and Love?" and captured a moment when Aikawa and I locked eyes intensely after crossing the finish line in the 4 x 100 mixed relay race. However, it wasn't just the two of us in that picture; there was also a photo of Asuka and Kumiko sprinting side by side towards the finish line. This time, it wasn't Sho who shared it with me but rather our school's online newspaper, which had given it the title "Heated Rivalry: Who Will Win The School Prince's Heart?" These two photos have been trending on our school's social media page and have gained quite a bit of popularity.

"You guys are so cheesy," I disapprovedly remarked.

"Don't lie, you secretly love it!" Sho laughed.

I must admit, I do enjoy it but I won't admit it out loud.

Hideki shifted his focus and continued scrolling through the events. "I have to say, Miyagawa Akane from Okinawa is truly exceptional in the 1x100 female relay, 4x100 female relay, and mixed relay races. Despite their school's limited participation in this event before, they are performing remarkably well. From Locals to Sectionals to Regionals, Akane hasn't lost a single event; she has rightfully earned the title of 'The Track and Field Prodigy From Okinawa.'"

"But there's another topic that everyone is buzzing about: the Kumiko-Asuka rivalry. This rivalry extends not only to the 1x100 female relay race but also to the 4x100 female relay race, mixed relay race, and even the 1x400 female race," Hina eagerly added. "They've been given nicknames - 'The Wind Beauty' and 'The Breathless Belle' - because one of them always secures first place on the field."

"It should've been titled 'Two Beauties Racing for The School Prince's Heart,'" Sho teased. “I wish I have two hot beauties chase after me.”

"Enough with that," I interjected sternly.

After patiently waiting for several hours, the highly anticipated main event finally commenced. The remaining 16 groups, participating in sprints, middle and long-distance races, hurdles, and relays, took center stage. Among the various events, spectators were particularly eager to witness the thrilling competitions in the male and female 100m races. Additionally, they were excited about the female and mixed 4x100 relay races as well as the male 4x400 relay race.

The first event of the day was the female 100m race with groups of four this time. In the first group stood two competitors: Akane, a newcomer girl, and Kumiko. There was an undeniable tension between them which heightened spectator anticipation for their showdown. Although spectators hoped to see Kumiko go against Asuka in this race category, they expected that face-off to occur during the final round.

I observed from my position on-field as they assumed their starting positions. The crowd fell silent with anticipation awaiting the sound of the starting gun. After a brief moment of anticipation, a shot rang out from the gun's barrel signifying that it was time to begin. The four runners from Group One sprinted forward with Akane initially taking a slight lead before Kumiko overtook her moments later and claimed first place in their group while Akane secured second place. 

Group Two positioned themselves at their starting blocks with Asuka among them. It came as no surprise when Asuka swiftly secured first place after hearing the sound of start gun firing; thus advancing to the next round.

After the completion of the last two female races, it was time for the 100m male race. I found myself in group one alongside Aikawa once again. The anticipation was high as both of our competitors were known for excelling in this event. The pressure on me felt immense.

Aikawa chuckled and taunted, "Looks like winning this round won't be easy for you. See you in the 4x100." He smirked and took his position.

I followed suit, waiting for the sound of the starter gun. After a few seconds of silence, the gun went off and we sprinted at full speed, running alongside each other and our other competitors in a close race. However, my focus was momentarily distracted by something unsettling - a figure in dark clothing sitting in the stands, hiding their face and holding an unfamiliar weapon. I quickly shook off this distraction and redirected my attention to finishing the race.

In the end, I came second behind Aikawa in the 100m male race. Exhausted, I stumbled towards the grassy area and collapsed onto my knees while gasping for breath.

"What's happening, Kobayashi?" Aikawa teased, laughing. "Did something distract you?" He jogged away as I stayed on the ground for a moment. Despite being hindered by a mysterious sight in the stands, I managed to perform well and surpass my competition by just one second. I glanced at the stands briefly, only to find that it had completely vanished from the crowd.

During my break, I gathered with Kumiko and Nanako while Hideki was on the phone. Kumiko called Asuka and we put them on speakerphone. I proceeded to mention and explain what had distracted me during my race.

"It was just a brief moment," Asuka asked skeptically. "And we didn't see or sense anything in the stands. Could your eyes have deceived you?"

"I honestly don't know," I replied. "But that dark cape among the crowd caught my attention even though it lasted only a few seconds. What should we do?"

"For now, let's not instill fear during the tournament," Asuka answered calmly. "If this intruder managed to pass security, then we need to tighten our security measures after day two of the tournament. We'll have an emergency meeting after this.”

The 4x100 relay took place after the completion of the other events. I was partnered with Asuka's team in group two. However, I was distracted and it was evident on my face, to the point where Aikawa snapped his fingers near me.

"What are you doing?" Aikawa asked. "My love rival can't afford to be distracted during such an important event." He slapped my chest lightly. "Focus, or this won't be any fun for me."

I took my position and noticed Asuka, Kumiko, and Akane standing side by side for this round. If Akane performed well in the 100m sprint tomorrow, she would compete against Asuka and Kumiko, which would draw attention. The starter gun rang out and I watched as the three of them sprinted towards their respective teammates. They were all neck-and-neck at that moment, which intrigued me.

As Sho passed the baton to Nanako, she slightly edged into first place. I turned and began trotting forward before accelerating into full speed when Nanako handed off the baton to me. Once again, it was a close race between Aikawa and myself with me slightly leading ahead.

However, during the race I found myself once again distracted by a dark figure in a cape standing nearby. Despite this distraction though, I managed to refocus myself on the race just in time. In a thrilling finish by mere milliseconds, I took first place in our mixed relay race.

I stood still catching my breath heavily. Aikawa patted my back as he trotted past me saying jokingly "That's my love rival." This guy is something else.

Day two came to a close with the top four contestants advancing to the next day, accompanied by a few unexpected moments. Sho and Saki left the school grounds, leaving a small group of us near the water fountain. Shortly after, Asuka joined our conversation and led us to a classroom on the second floor. Suddenly, I abruptly stopped in the middle of the hallway as an unfamiliar sensation overcame me - similar to what I had felt during my earlier competition.

I felt a heavy slap on the back of my head that snapped me back into focus. He walked past me, asking, "What are you doing, Kobayashi? Stop getting distracted or I'll take Asuka away." He laughed as he entered the classroom. Why is Aikawa in this meeting?

A couple of other figures passed by me wearing different jerseys than Asuka and I. One of them turned around to face me - it was Akane. "You're going to miss out on the meeting," she said before turning away and walking off.

I stood in silence for a few seconds, taken aback by what just occurred. What are Miyagawa Akane and Aikawa Eiji doing at this meeting? Snapping out of my thoughts, I quickly entered the room where tables were being moved aside and people gathered around as sunlight streamed through the windows during sunset. Asuka stood in the center near the chalkboard and waited for the conversation to die down.

"I want to once again thank Aikawa Eiji and Miyagawa Akane for joining us in this meeting," she spoke once it became quiet. "As most of us know, Eiji and Akane are allies who are helping out with security despite being in the tournament.”

Eiji snapped his fingers, causing a flame to hover over his finger. Akane condensed a visible cloud of vapor, which hovered over her palm.

“Akane," she addressed her colleague. 

Akane spoke.”It is true that Kobayashi mentioned seeing a cloaked figure. My team has been monitoring this leader and their small group since our time in Okinawa. It is believed that they are attempting to trap and indoctrinate Kobayashi. Fortunately, your team came to the rescue and saved him. With increased security around Kobayashi, the cloaked leader took advantage of the tournament's distractions. I had Kumiko and Asuka make some adjustments to our roster so it appeared as if my school was invited last minute for added security measures. Whatever its motives, we will find out soon enough.”

"You're not the only one who saw that masked figure for a brief moment, Kobayashi," Aikawa said. "I also informed Asuka about it, and I was next to her when you guys made an emergency call."

“With that, I have addressed to the others as well and we are increasing our security.” Asuka said. “I would like to have this problem solved as discrete as possible.”

"I'm sorry, Issei," Asuka said apologetically, "for involving you in this chaotic situation. I never expected our security measures to fail." Taking a seat and leaning against the transparent window, I sighed and glanced through the open door as I observed Asuka in her apologetic stance.

"Don't worry about it," I replied. "We got caught up in the tournament and got distracted. How about making it up to me?" Shifting to my left, I looked at Asuka and suddenly lay down on the floor, waiting for her response. The full moon cast its light into my room.

"Okay," Asuka made her way over to my balcony from hers. She crawled towards me, wearing my jacket and still dressed in her track and field uniform. Her face hovered just above mine; our eyes briefly met before she focused on my lips. Leaning closer, she brushed her hair over her ears with a gentle gesture and kissed me for a few seconds before pulling back. Pausing above me, we continued locking eyes amidst silence. A strand of Asuka's hair loosened from behind her ear as it brushed against my face, revealing a noticeable beauty mark near the left side of her lips. Despite being sweaty from this morning's activities, she exuded raw beauty under the enchanting glow of the full moon.

Snapping out of my daze, I broke the silence with a stuttered question: "What was that?"

Reacting quickly herself, she realized what she had done and fell backwards frantically before hitting one of the pillars on my balcony. Watching as she climbed back onto her own balcony while trying to compose herself almost instantly, I stood up and stepped out onto mine while gazing intently at her figure silhouetted in darkness. Though difficult to discern in such dim light, there was an evident blush on her face as she avoided making eye contact.

Nervously stuttering, she continued, "You don't have to answer right now; let's leave it at that." After a brief pause, she hurriedly retreated into her room. Asuka turned around again and grabbed hold of the door to her balcony.

"Asuka?" I called out, standing there on my own balcony and staring at her intently. Despite the darkness, I could sense the lingering blush on her face as she avoided meeting my gaze.

She continued stuttering nervously. "Let's just leave it for now; you don't have to respond." Silence lingered for a couple of seconds before she added, "Good night, Kobayashi." With those final words, she closed the door and lowered the blinds in her room. There I stood on my balcony in silence with thoughts racing through my mind; gently touching my lips reminded me of the lingering sensation from our kiss.