#and also follow up let me be clear the move nick does where he moves away from jess and then goes back to kiss her again YEAH.

[gncrezan]

abandoning any and all pretense of not being biased towards the augustmance by publicly posting nickjess first kiss redraw sketches

[beautifulhigh]

It just occurred to me that the polo scene doesn't get much love as it should. I know it's very short but just the thirst in Alex’s eyes, the way you can see his mouth dry while watching Henry ride that horse and his oh so sexy smile. I feel like that scene required a major dissection, and no one does it better so I came calling.

You know what? I'm doing this one now. I know I said I would do a meta on Henry Fox and I would do a meta on the New Year's Eve party but this is in my inbox now and yeah, let's talk about the polo scene.

(I'm also doing this now so I don't have another thing on my To Do pile, and your kind words made my shitty day a little better so thank you.)

Short scene, not a short meta.

In the book when he and Henry are in his bedroom, Alex has this little moment of clouds parting, sun beaming, angels chorus revelation:

In an instant of sudden, vivid clarity, he can’t believe he ever thought he was straight.

And while movie!Alex doesn't have the same bi awakening that book!Alex does. this is very much his moment of "oh I am very not straight at all" and that is valid of him.

(As this is a Jen meta, we shall also be talking about everything else because you do not analyse a text in isolation.)

This interview talks about the editing of the polo match:

Nick [Moore], my new editor coming in, took a look and he says, “I wanna try something with that polo match.” He spent a weekend of his own time doing something, and then he was ready to show me. He sat me down and said, “I’ve done something crazy.”

And we went from filmed scripted scenes and a lead in, to "bagpipes intensify" and it works SO well for where these boys are in this new stage of their relationship.

Our establishing shots are of the teams, the horses, the uniforms. This is Henry's world and Alex is about to step into it (which is a reversal of Henry at the NYE party - I swear I will write that meta once I have all the gif posts I want to link to) and it's all quick cuts and sharp transitions and moving shots. The pace has been set for Alex to enter.

We pick him out in the crowd but he's lost as quickly as we spot him. He's one of many here and it's all too quick to stay with him.

Firstly, you will never convince me that he didn't pick the tightest trousers he could find. Henry's comment about him being a mouthful is foreshadowed, right there.

ANYWAY

He walks in, he's looking around, he's doing up his jacket as a form of protection. Alex is the proverbial fish out of the proverbial water (and I have a meta about water if you're interested) and we're straight back in with the quick edits. Horses, polo sticks, this is not a game most people know how to play. Alex certainly doesn't. He's doing up his jacket and he is uncomfortable.

He is not a stranger to a suit, and that is certainly not something that is ill fitting. It is circumstance, not clothing.

And then we get our first clear shot of Henry. Only it's not clear, not at first. He literally comes into focus.

Stick aloft, mouth open, like he's a walking riding metaphor.

And Alex's face changes.

Yeah. He is definitely not straight.

From then on we stay with Henry. We, in Alex's viewpoint, have found him. And so we track Henry through the game and it's just generic horse legs if we're looking at anything else. The only player we/Alex see is Henry.

Here, Henry is leading. Going in first, checking it's clear, knowing Alex will follow him. Henry leads, Alex follows. Into the garden, into the bed, into the sexual component of their relationship. Alex admits to Henry right from the start that this is new to him:

“I’ve, uh,” Alex begins. “I’ve never actually done this before.” “Alex,” Henry says, reaching down to stroke at Alex’s hair, “you don’t have to, I’m—” “No, I want to,” Alex says, tugging at Henry’s waistband. “I just need you to tell me if it’s awful.” Henry is speechless again, looking as if he can’t believe his fucking luck. “Okay. Of course.”

When it comes to being with a man? Henry leads, Alex follows.

And then the pacing and editing kicks off. We intercut to the tempo of the bagpipes between the match and the hook up and Henry is leading the charge on both.

He's in charge and Alex is LOVING it:

Turns out being on the receiving end of Henry’s royal authority is an extreme fucking turn-on.

This is risky and the most dangerous thing they have done so far. Amy walking in on them in the Red Room is one thing - book!Alex is VERY thankful for the staff NDAs when it comes to what they know about him and Henry - but neither of them care here. And Alex is very much letting Henry take the lead and set the pace.

Which, given how long Henry has wanted Alex, wanted this, and how he's not able to live and love (at this point) as openly as Alex is, giving Henry this control means that not only can Alex continue his education in this mlm era of his life, but he's giving Henry all of the freedom he can. God Bless America or something.

We intercut the make out scene with shots of things being hit, the hard slamming of one thing against another, of riders in saddles. The hands may be a metaphor for sex in the Paris scene but we have it here as well.

Alex is fully on board by this point and he's not letting Henry set the full agenda. In his White House bedroom we got the scene of Henry going down on Alex (and there is no way that it was a one-way exchange given how long they were there) so now? It's his turn.

My favourite editing choice?

We then cut to Henry's arse bouncing in that saddle. If the Paris scene is making love? This is them fucking. Henry is bouncing away, riding for all he's worth, chasing down his singular aim with precision and determination.

It's innuendo at its finest.

I love this shot. We're looking up at them - we're just like Alex who is now looking up at Henry due to his new vantage point (#NoLongerTaller) - and we see Alex is fully crowding up into Henry's space. And they are right by the door. There is no cover, no escape. Anyone coming in has fully caught them. Please let there be a PPO or a Secret Service be just outside. Please. For their sanity if not mine.

But even if there isn't for some insane reason, they don't care. They are so lost in each other, so caught up in this moment, that they aren't FSOTUS and the Prince Of Wales. They aren't boys with status and expectations. They're just two consenting adults who are testing the boundaries of what public indecency actually means.

They are really going for it now. Henry's arm is tensed with the effort of keeping Alex close, his hand is splayed on Henry's back to give him contact with more of him. They are not letting go. Diving all in like it's a nod to the Olympic event where they met in the book.

And when they come up for air it's because Alex is... well... about to go diving.

Those fingers make VERY quick work of the belt and what he is doing with his hands and those fingers is further evidence in the "this is them fucking" category.

And then the frame which I'm guessing inspired Cordelia's ask to me:

LOOK AT THAT FACE. Look at those fucking eyelashes. But Alex is wanting and he is wanting hard for Henry. Pun intended. He's got a plan for this, he's got a To Do list for those Very Bad Things he promised/threatened Henry with all those weeks ago.

And it will have been weeks. The State Dinner was around February time based on the texts (end of January at the latest) and then Henry says the polo match is "next month" (which would put it end of February, early March because we would not say 'next month' if it were next week, regardless of when the month starts) and so it's been weeks since they hooked up in Alex's room. Weeks of having to just text and email and maybe venture into video calls.

None of that would compare to being together.

This is the first time that Alex has gotten his hands on Henry since his bedroom and he's desperate to get more than his hands on him.

And this shot as Alex pulls Henry's trousers down is fucking pornographic. Matthew López, did you direct Nick to act like this or was it his choice? Go watch his expression as Alex is pulling the offending clothing out of the way and tell me that this isn't pornographic.

And then we cut to the not-at-all subtle shot of Henry well, making the shot. With ease and power and the ball shooting out of frame. Something something orgasm metaphor something release.

There's even a little wisp as he makes the shot. If this post isn't flagged for mature content I'll be surprised.

Next shot?

Congrats on not getting caught, on the sex, on the most smut-filled-while-almost-fully-clothed-sex scene I've ever had the joy of frame-by-framing through.

Alex is doing up his tie again but he's not uncomfortable. And Henry is so fucking happy I could cry. Because he just hooked up with this guy, in semi-public, and got away with it. They are firmly in Henry's world here, a world where he can't be out and proud, and he got to have something he wanted. And, maybe crucially, no one knows about it. His privacy is intact.

But more importantly, this thing he's got with Alex is something. It's not a one night stand. Alex came here specifically for him, because he asked him to. Because Alex wanted to see him, be with him. This wasn't an obligation, this wasn't something set up by anyone for show and to do damage control. This was for them, and them alone.

Look at these smug bastards. Look at them. Gettin' their rocks off and making puns about being hungry and eating like they didn't just devour each other.

BUT

I gotta bring the feels here 'cause it's me.

Henry attended the State dinner because he was expected to, because that was in place before the New Year's kiss. It was an obligation and in both the movie and the book he had been ghosting Alex. And then Alex grabbed him in the Red Room and they hooked up and at the end of that scene Henry nervously asks Alex if he wants to be his guest at the polo event. Alex doesn't actually say yes - he says he doesn't know how to play polo, there's a comment about it being safer if he's on the sidelines - but leaving aside any fear that he would stand Henry up this is the first time they have made plans with the intention of seeing each other, of being together in this way.

This is, for want of a better term, kinda like a date.

Alex turned up, Henry put out, and they're very much committing to seeing where this path will take them. (Forever. It'll take them to forever.)

Alex isn't straight, Henry is very much in love, and they're embracing that giddy phase of a relationship where you just can't keep your hands off each other. And we fade from this to Paris where they're on another kind of date and then there's another kind of sex scene and it's a speedrun of their relationship on screen like they weren't indulging in foreplay with all the text flirting.

Which, by the way, don't think I didn't notice that Henry's jersey number was 4. Four-play indeed.

(Thanks for this, Cordelia, I needed something like this to soothe my brain.)

[rebelliousstories]

Tidal Wave

Relationship: Nick Burkhardt x Reader (Platonic), Monroe x Reader (Platonic)

Fandom: Grimm

Request: No

Warnings: Brief Strong Language, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 5,743

Main Masterlist: Here

Grimm Masterlist: Here

Part 2: Hearts of Sea Stone

Summary: When a series of suspicious drowning show up in Portland, Nick Burkhardt is called in to investigate a naiad. He quickly finds out there is more to his tale than he knows.

“But they hurt me so,” said the little mermaid.

“Pride must suffer pain,” replied the old lady.”

“Vic’s name was Jason Aquati. Water made it difficult to get his wallet out safely without damaging the contents but we made it happen.” Sergeant Wu passed the wallet over to the two detectives that had just arrived. Nick Burkhardt and Hank Griffin made their way from the car to where the CSU were busy processing the scene.

“Another drowning victim in the Willamette in the last week? Seems like this guy is just getting started.” Hank commented on the scene, dropping himself into a crouch in front of the body. He was utterly puzzled by this string of murders they had gotten.

“Well, lets see who next of kin is, business, the works. There’s gotta be something that connects him to the last one. This is just too specific.” Nick added on, pausing to observe the pale watery body that was left there. Something odd caught his eye. Something in his hand. Grabbing a glove, not bothering to put it on properly, Nick gently moved the hand around till he caught a clear look of what he was hold.

“Can I get a baggie please?” The detective called to no one in particular. His eyes followed the object that was now resting on his glove. Nick felt his partner come to look over his shoulder and hand him the evidence bag.

“What is that?” Griffin questioned, watching his partner drop the small object into the bag and seal it up. Burkhardt stood to match the other man, and their eyes were both trained on the bag.

“I have no clue.” A small stone rested amongst the plastic. To the untrained eye, it looked like a regular stone, but one of these men had the eyes to see the unimaginable. He saw the swirl of blue inside, a pale brilliant blue, that quickly died out. Nick’s eyes went back from the stone, to the man before them, trying desperately to find out how these two were connected.

~

The precinct was as busy and bustling as ever. There was so much excess noise and chatter that threatened to pulled Nick away from his screen; he was almost about to tell the entire building to be quiet just so that he could work. But that would not happen, and he knew that.

“Hey Nick, check this out.” The excess noise was cut out and Hank’s voice came to him sharply. Getting up from his chair, the detective walked over and peered at the screen before him. After being here for so long, the bright screen and small dark letters blurred together.

“Alright. What am I looking at?” His hands rested on the table and back of his partner’s chair, trying desperately to make sense of what was on the screen.

“That stone we found in the guys hand today? Well, I thought since the guy last week also had a similar looking stone in his possession that I would have them tested. Listen to this: it is aquamarine. A type of sea blue to greenish stone.” Hank rattled off happily.

“Okay. So we know what type of stone it is. How does this help us?” A headache was starting to worm its way into Burkhardt’s head, and he could do without the small talk.

“Well, here’s the thing. Inside the stone, there was a foreign substance. Initial results were inconclusive because they were quote, ‘fish scales with human DNA.’ That’s weird right?” Nick was trying to rack his brain for knowledge that would explain the foreign substance in the gemstone.

“Very weird. Listen,” he cleared his throat, “I’m gonna head home. I don’t think I can look at another screen tonight. Goodnight Hank. Go get some sleep.” Nick patted his friend on the shoulder, and collected his coat before leaving.

On the drive home, many thoughts plagued his mind. Was there a type of wesen that preferred to have those kinds of gems? Or a particular type of water wesen that he should be looking for? Dinner and Juliette would have to wait. First, Nick needed to make a detour.

His car pulled into the driveway of Monroe’s humble abode, shutting off the engine and sitting there for a moment. Nick searched his car for a drink and some painkillers but found none. This headache was getting worse. Maybe his friend had some inside? Hopefully he did, otherwise his drive home was going to be a lot worse. The detective did not realize that he was already at the door and knocked before he heard a muffled voice calling out for, “just a moment.”

“Nick, hey buddy. What brings you by at this time of night? Shouldn’t you be home?” The taller blutbad moved out of the way to allow the Grimm into his home, but was confused at Nick’s uncharacteristic quietness.

“You okay, Nick?” Monroe asked, starting to be concerned.

“Do you have any painkillers? I’m sorry. Just got this nasty headache and I don’t have anything.” Nick scrubbed his hand over his face, pinched his eyes shut, and let out the deepest breath he could to try and muster through the pain.

“Yeah. Yeah, I got some. Come here.” Going into the kitchen, the detective smelt and saw the remains of dinner. It reminded him of his girlfriend that was at home right now, waiting up for him so that she could make him a hot plate.

“Thanks Monroe. I’m sorry to impose like this on you.” The wesen waved off the concerns as he was shaking his head, still rummaging through the cabinets for something to ease his friend’s pain.

“Don’t worry about it man. I don’t have anything traditional. Well, no. It is traditional, but it’s not modern medicine. Ah! Here it is.” Monroe pulled a jar from his cupboards, with something in German written on the label. Taking a teaspoon, he put a single spoonful of the contents of the jar in a mug. It was then that Nick noticed the kettle heating up on the stove, and watched as his friend poured scalding water over the mystery powder. Was it even a powder? It looked more like tea.

“Give it just a few minutes to steep and cool down. After that, bottoms up.” Monroe looked pleased with himself, but Nick was just confused.

“What is it?” He questioned, looking between the other man and mug with uncertainty.

“Alles Heilen. It’s a type of ‘cure all.’ My grandmother used to make me that anytime I had any sort of internal ailment. Headaches, flu, stomach aches. She even made me drink it one time to help flush out some poisonous berries I had accidentally eaten. It’s really good stuff.” Nick sniffed the mug, and took a small test sip to test temperature and taste before he took a more proper drink.

“So I’m assuming you didn’t just pop over here for a German style medicine for your headache?” Monroe asked, watching the man before him he appeared to finally have some sort of relief as he rubbed his temples.

“No.” Nick stated plainly. “What kind of wesen are part fish, or really love water?”

“Whoa. Okay. Not what I was expecting. Um, I’m not sure. The only ones that are coming up are naiades but they’re only fish in the sense that I am a wolf. It’s not enough to classify or anything like that. Why do you ask?” Now, he was confused.

“There’s a series of homicides I’m investigating. Both bodies were holding an aquamarine stone that held fish and human DNA inside. It sounds like something weird enough to be wesen.” Nick stared off into a blank spot of the kitchen as he let the tea, if that is what you could call it, take effect.

“Aquamarine and weird DNA? Have you consulted your books?” Leaning against the counter, Monroe watched Burkhardt closely. However, the man just shook his head.

“No, I haven’t. I thought you might point me in the right direction.” They sat in silence for a moment, just letting the day take its toll.

“Hey,” Monroe gained Nick’s attention yet again, “maybe Rosalee knows what you should be looking for. Why don’t you give her a call in the morning?” A nod was given by the Grimm, who finished the contents of his cup, and made to leave the home of the blutbad.

“Yeah. I think I will. Thanks for your help, Monroe.” The gentlemen shook hands, and went to go for the door.

“Anytime, Nick.” Watching from his front door, Monroe could not help but feel like this was just going to get worse for Nick if he could not find out what it was that he was looking for. Nothing can cause insanity quite like searching for something that you do not know where to start.

~

Rosalee flitted around the shop, pulling volumes upon volumes of knowledge from her shelves. Her face looked upset, which did not bode well with Grimm in her shop.

“I’m sorry, Nick. I can’t find anything that would explain what you found in that stone. Do you know what kind of wesen was holding it?” Her face scrunched up in confusion and worry.

“No,” the detective shook his head and threw his hands up in the air, “I don’t even know if the guy was wesen.” He was getting more and more frustrated as time went on. His gut told him that this was a wesen case, but Nick could not find anything to prove it.

“Okay. What were the victims names? Maybe I can find out for you.” A pad of paper and pen appeared in the Fuchsbau’s hands as she prepared to jot down the names.

“First vic was Stacie Wesser. She was a spa owner downtown, and the second was Jason Aquati. He was studying to be a marine biologist at the Oregon Institute of Marine Biologist.” After she wrote down those names, Rosalee took a pause. She let out a shaky breath, and her expressive face revealed pain.

“Are you sure it was them?” Her whisper came.

“Positive ID on both. Did you know them?” Nick was concerned and approached the woman in front of him. A tear managed to escape her eye that she rubbed away fiercely.

“Yeah. I knew them. Stacie came to me for specialty items for her shop, and James for a specific cream to use.” Burkhardt got out his pen and paper to jot some of this down.

“What else could you tell me? Is there any way that these two knew each other?” While he was busy writing the information, Rosalee tried to rack her brain.

“It’s possible that they may have interacted in her spa, but now that I think about it, they both mentioned going to see a show recently. The same one even though they weren’t in here at the same time.” Nick’s head perked up immediately at this information.

“What show was this?” She looked nervous now. Rosalee wrote a name on the piece of paper and tore it off.

“Take Monroe with you. It’s not exactly a place you would be welcome in.” The man nodded and graciously accepted the piece of paper. However, just then, Nick’s phone rang. Pulling it out, he barely had time to check caller ID before answering.

“Yeah, Burkhardt. Okay. Alright. I’m there in ten.” He hung up the phone as quickly as he answered it. Turning back to the woman, he stashed the paper in his pocket and gave her a nod of thanks, before exiting underneath the chiming bell.

~

“Another body. This guys cooling off period is shrinking drastically.” Hank met up with Nick once he arrived on scene.

“What have we got?” He asked his friend, and was brought over to the body.

“Name was Stephen Matthews. Forty-four, never married, no children. Works at the Portland animal facility. This now makes the third body. This guys has gone serial.” Griffin walked near his parter towards the victim, and pulled a baggie from another officers hands.

“Found another stone in his hands. If I had to guess, it’s the same one as the

others.” Everyone was puzzled in this case.

“You know, drowning is not the easiest way to kill someone. Guns, knives, even bare knuckles work better than drowning. So why has he chosen this method?” Nick posed the question that no one answered. The sound of a car approaching, and subsequent opening and closing of the door caught the attention of everyone there. Their captain had just arrived on scene.

“This the same killer?” He asked, hands resting on his hips as he looked at the scene.

“We believe so, Captain.” Nick informed him, walking up and standing close by. A second set of eyes locked onto the bag in the young detective’s hands.

“What’s that?” He questioned, holding out his hands to accept the item.

“It’s a stone. Two similar ones were found on the other two bodies. It’s aquamarine but the forensic report shows human and fish DNA inside it. So we have no clue what we’re looking at.” Sean’s eyes stayed locked intensely on the stone in the bag that was no bigger than a quarter. He could hear Nick talking but his mine traveled back in time. Back to when he was young and had just arrived in Oregon. Back to when he had met her and-

“Captain?” The hand on his shoulder startled Renard out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat and handed the evidence bag back to his detective.

“Good job, Nick. Keep it up. I want this guy found before he can kill anyone else.” And with that, he left. No more words spoken, no more updates needed. Burkhardt turned back to the stone in hand. What was it about this stone?

~

That night, Nick called up Monroe and asked if he would accompany him to the place that Rosalee had written down on the piece of paper in his pocket. The blutbad was more than willing to tag along and made sure to tell Nick about it on the way there. They made sure to park nearby, and on the walk over to the front door, Monroe would not shut up about the place.

“Dude, this is like an amazing club. Well, not really a club as in you know techno and partying. More like a supper club or a lounge. There is just this energy in there. It’s wonderful. Really takes you back in time to a much simpler life.” The nondescript black door with the name on the front would be able to be overlooked by a normal person, unless you knew what you were looking for.

“So this is, what? A speakeasy?” Nick continued to walked forward as Monroe seemed to have a revelation in the middle of the street.

“Yeah. Yeah it is. I never thought of it like that.” The closer they got to the door, the more Nick’s nerves were lighting up. He hoped that whatever he needed to solve this case was in this place.

Getting inside was no issue. Just a check for ID, pay a cover fee, and they were there. The lights of the stage were dark, while the ambient lighting was brighter. A poster caught Nick’s eyes that was plaster on just about every surface in the building.

Hometown Performances by the Portland Princess, Sirena!

The picture of the woman caused him to pause. She was obviously gorgeous, but there was a certain, almost mythical, quality to her appearance. Burkhardt felt someone come up behind him, and a hand laid itself on his shoulder.

“Oh yes! Sirena is in town. She’s amazing. Kind of a legend in our world.” Monroe gushed. Just then, the lights in the room dimmed, and the lights on stage went completely black. Whoops and cheers came from all around, and Nick saw many different kinds of wesen woge throughout the room.

A singular spotlight lit up the stage, and the woman from the poster stood in front of the microphone. Monroe was right; this really felt like a portal to a different time. Old timey microphone, and the woman was decked out in old Hollywood fashion. Listening to her sing, it felt like a trance. She interacted with the crowd and seemed to make up songs on the spot, or at least it seemed improvised.

She worked her way through the front row and had everyone hanging off of her every word. It was unlike anything Nick had seen, even in human clubs. This was totally different. Probably like most thing in the wesen world, this seemed to be steeped in tradition. Unlike, however, the last time he was in a club like this, the woman in stage paid no attention to him, and never realized that there was a Grimm in the audience watching her.

Singing her final note, Nick did not realize that she was signing off and saying goodnight until the spotlight died and the lights returned to how they were before.

“Monroe, what is she?” He asked his friend who seemed to be in a daze from the performance.

“She’s perfect.” Nick shook the blutbad from his thoughts. “Oh, right sorry. She’s a naiad. She might know who to look for.” Monroe was hauled to his feet and dragged through the club towards the back.

“Sorry. Sirena is not doing a meet and greet at the moment.” A tall, brunette man stopped the duo before they got too far into the back. Nick hated to do it, but he whipped out his badge for the man to see.

“I need to speak with her. She might have insight on an investigation.” The man scrutinized the badge he held, but eventually let him pass through with Monroe. A door with “Sirena” plastered across the front was the third door on the left side of the hallway the traveled down. Nick knocked loudly, and waited for a response.

“Just a second.” A soft and sweet voice called out from behind the door. Just a moment later, the door opened a little bit, and the same woman from the stage appeared a little bit more relaxed. As soon as she saw Monroe’s face, though, her weariness faded away.

“Roe! I didn’t know you’d be coming. I hope you have brought Rosalee.” Her voice did not lose any of the dreaminess as it picked up in volume.

“Can we come in? Please?” He asked, looking behind him at the Grimm. she nodded and moved out of the way to allow the pair into the room. Only, she did not realize that it was not Rosalee behind Monroe. Once the men stepped in, it was exactly 3.5 seconds for her entire demeanor to change. She squeaked and pressed herself as close to the door as she could. Monroe pushed Nick to the other side of the room as he tried to calm the woman down.

“You… you brought a Grimm here. You sold me, Monroe! How could you? What did I do?” She wailed and wailed, trying to keep the blutbad just as far away from her as the Grimm was, but he ignored the shoves and hitting.

“No. No, Si. He’s not like that. This is Detective Nick Burkhardt with the Portland Police Department. He’s not like the other one. He just wants to ask some questions. Please. I wouldn’t sell you like that.” Her panicked eyes shifted from the man in front of her to the man behind him, and back again. She finally started getting her breathing under control to where she could talk again.

“Just ask some questions?” It almost sounded like a whimper as she stared Nick down. He kept his hands out of his pockets so as to try and make her realize that he meant her no harm.

“Just some questions. If that’s okay. Monroe can stay the whole time.” Unshed tears collected amongst her lash line while she nodded her agreement. Her hands went to her eyes in pain and she bent over a basin of water in the room. What came out as a tear drop, landed in the water as a fully formed stone. Taking a moment to collect herself, she fixed her eye makeup, dabbed her eyes and turned back to the men.

“My apologizes. I try not to cry on land for that reason.” Her voice was soft and sweet, just as before, but her eyes stayed trained on the Grimm.

“It’s okay. Are those aquamarine?” He was instantly curious at the glittering bowl.

“Yes, they are. How did you know that?” Now, the singer was curious. She had yet to lose the edge that she was trembling on.

“We found three identical stones at three separate homicide scenes. Now, I’m not asking as a cop. What are you?” That Grimm stare scared the young woman. The pitch blackness of his eyes made her tremble and lose her facade for a second. In an instant, a silky sheen encompassed her entire body. Blueish-green scales shone in the lights of the vanity, and gills appeared at the side of her neck. Vibrant, electric blue eyes pierced his, and the almost doe-eyed quality she had taken was interesting to him.

“I’m not a normal naiad. I’m what they refer to as a Tödlicheslied.” Her woge state stayed as she explain.

“Are you serious?” Monroe piped up for the first time in a while. His eyes looked like he was a kid in a candy store.

“You’re- you’re a, a Tödlicheslied? I’ve only heard stories about you. I didn’t think you guys existed anymore.” The blutbad continued to look at the young lady, not as if he was judging her, but in disbelief.

“Tödlicheslied? What does that mean?” Nick asked, allowing his eyes to stray from the woman for a moment to turn to his friend.

“Literally translate to, ‘Deadly Song.’ They were the original sirens. An ancient breed of naiads. You Grimms might be a boogeyman tale to us wesen, but these guys? These are pure legend. They’re believed to be extinct. How are you out of the water?” Monroe explained, finally letting the information process. Burkhardt turned back to the woman and looked confused.

“My people usually don’t leave the water. We’re a rare, ancient breed of wesen like Roe said. Leaving the water for us is painful and can sometimes cause death where we literally suffocate. In our aquatic state, we behave like any other marine life. Oxygen in the water passes over our gills,” she motioned to her own with a webbed hand, “and that’s how we breath. But coming out of the water, we have difficulty turning back to our human form because we completely change our organs and structure.” Well, this was surprising to Nick. Just when he thought that his life could not get any weirder.

“We drink a tonic that helps, but it’s super specific. Only a few people know how to make it.” This was going to make for an interesting new addition to his book.

“Do you have an alibi for the past two nights and for last Friday?” Her body returned to normal, the half woge leaving her and allowing her to appear perfectly normal.

“The past two nights I’ve been here and haven’t been anywhere other than my hotel. Last Friday, I believe I found a late night bookstore to go to after the show. I’m unsure if that place has cameras, but I know my hotel does.” The detective took in her words and allowed himself to look around. There was a picture on the vanity, with a necklace draped atop it. The pictures were in black and white, but he knew that face. There was no way he could forget that face. Standing, Nick went to the vanity and attempted to grab the photo to get a better look when a hand slapped his. Rubbing the now stinging hand, he looked and saw pain and fury in the woman’s eyes.

“Apologies. I just don’t like people touching my stuff.” She did not look the least bit sorry, but that was neither here nor there.

“Would you be willing to come down to the station while we confirm your alibi? Just as a precaution, plus it makes it easier for us to get information.” Nick turned his full body to the young lady before him. She was only dressed in a silk robe, long hair flowing down in waves. However, she nodded.

“Would you allow me to get changed into something presentable? I’d much rather not be out there in just my robe.” Shifting from foot to foot, her hands wrung themselves together in front.

“Of course. Take however long you need.” Nick turned his body away from the young woman and stared at the wall, while he encouraged Monroe to do the same. And by encourage, he means that he slapped the man on the arm and made him turn away from the dressing window in the corner of the room. She disappeared behind the makeshift wall that was set up, and tried to put herself in normal clothing as quickly as possible. There was some rustling, and a couple of knocks as she finagled her way around. However, she was soon on her way out with her shoes in hand.

“You can turn back now. I appreciate you doing that.” It was almost a whisper as she sat down on the stool in front of her vanity to take care of her shoes. The men followed her request and waited patiently for her to be done.

Once the shoes were on, her attention was turned to the jewelry on the table and in the dishes before her. Rings found their place on her delicate fingers. Much less flashy and large than what she wore on stage, but none the less high quality. Nick had a sneaking suspicion that everything she wore was pure silver and built to last. However the one piece of gold that was present on the table, was the necklace draped across the picture frame. There was a pause as her hands faltered to reach for the object, but eventually, she was able to grasp it. Her expression was sullen, as if relieving a specific memory that she wish she could have forgotten. But, that necklace, with a heart shaped locket and several rings found its way to her neck. The one piece of gold clashing against the silver, including a secondary silver necklace that looked identical to the gold one.

“Ready to go.” The wesen took a deep breath and spun around. Grabbing a long, wool coat, she headed for the door and allowed the men to leave first before she locked the door to her dressing room. Leading them out of the building, Ashe stopped only for a moment to chat with her security guards and owner of the venue to let them know where she was going and that she would be back late.

Nick held the backseat door open for her, and offered a hand to help her up into the vehicle. He tucked her coat in to make sure it would not be caught in the door, and made his way to the driver’s door. Checking that everyone was buckled in and secure, he began the journey away from the club.

“Just gonna drop Monroe off first and then we’ll head to the station. Is that okay?” Burkhardt kept an eye on the siren in his back seat. She nodded, yet said nothing. It was silent. Eerily silent the entire drive back to the spice shop. Thankfully, it was not that long of a car ride so Nick was just hoping that maybe he could get some answers at some point tonight. It seemed the spice shop was even closer than he realized, or maybe it was the zoning out and trying to pass the time faster with no noise. But he shook hands with Monroe, and unlocked the car to let him out.

“Stay safe, Si. Okay?” The blutbad tried to comfort the tödlicheslied in the backseat. She smiled genuinely at her friend and nodded.

“I will try. Come out to the show soon with Rosalee please? I’ll get you guys in for free. We can go have dinner.” Her offer made the man smile.

“You got a deal. See ya kids.” And then there were two. Wesen and Grimm just driving down to the police station. Nothing weird about this on a Friday evening. No one made a move to speak, leaving the care in the same eerie silence from before.

“Can I ask about the picture and locket?” Nick broke it. Her startled expression almost made the detective retract his statement, but she relaxed soon after.

“What do you want to know about it?” Her gaze turned out the window, like she could not look at the Grimm while discussing this.

“Who’s the man that is in them?” He was curious about the answer she was going to give him.

“He’s dead.” The red light ahead had excellent timing, allowing for Nick to turn his head around in shock to stare directly at her face. She tried to reign in her emotions, but Nick could see tears threatening to fall. He handed her a set of tissues that were still in the car, and turned back to the now green light.

“How?” His choked whisper came. There was a deep sigh that was released from the backseat.

“For me to tell you this, there’s a lot you need to know first.” A beat of silence.

“Tödlicheslieden don’t come on to the surface ever. Well, almost never. The last time someone lived to tell about us was Christopher Columbus. Although we were swimming with the manatees so who knows what those stories were inspired by.’

‘Our family never allowed the children near the surface alone. They would only take us near there when we needed to eat. Unfortunately, that part of siren lore is true. However, one day I was near the surface and was caught in a rip current. It pulled me so far away, I didn’t know where I was going or even what direction I came from. When I came to, I was washed up on shore along the Willamette trying desperately to breathe.” A small smile appeared on her face as the story continued.

“There was a young man along the shore who found me. He helped me through the change to a human like state. I was so scared,” she chuckled, “but, he just draped his coat over me, and spoke soft and slowly.” Her hands now fiddled with the necklaces.

“Come to find out he was a zauberbiest. Imagine my shock. But he proved to care about me and my well being so I trusted him. He used to take me out, every night, to the river to see if my family was close. After a full lunar cycle though, we stuck to once a month. On the full moon, when the tide is highest and light is brightest. He did everything he could to make sure that I was taken care of. Gave me clothing, showed me a human store to shop in, what tonics to take and when. He was the first person to find out about my tears.” Nick stayed silent throughout the entire story.

“After twelve lunar cycles, I begun to accept my surface life and the possibility that I would never see my family again. And we fell in love. That was a big no-no, even back then. But we didn’t care. It was us against the world it seemed. He made us these necklaces so we would never be apart.” The locket open underneath her delicate touch, and she was lost in a trance.

“But, nothing lasts forever. My family did eventually find me, and they tried to convince me to come back to our pod. But I couldn’t leave my lover behind. When I asked for time on my decision, they came after us as we sat near the water. They dragged me underneath, and made me,” her voice choked, “they made me listen.”

“Listen to what, Sirena?” Nick questioned with profound empathy for the woman who could not have been much older than him.

“Please, Sirena is a stage name. It’s easier to hide in plain sight when no one knows your true name.” She chuckled out, trying desperately to not cry.

“They made me listen as they beat him to death.” Her statement jarred Nick a bit in his seat. They were not too much further from the precinct, but he hoped the story would have something for him to work with.

“I had to listen to his grunts, groans, and cries. It was too silent after. They brought me this as proof,” her hand held up the gold chain with a matching locket on it, “I knew he would have never let them take it off of him had he been alive. It was another twenty-four lunar cycles before I managed to get away for good. I came back to the Willamette, back to Portland. I tried so hard to find an obituary or anything that would tell me where he was buried or something, but I have yet to find anything in almost twenty years.” Nick parked his truck, and jump out to help the lady out of the car. With her hand in his, he stayed at the vehicle for a moment more.

“What was his name?” She was confused, but her eyes appeared haunted. “What’s his name? If I have a name, I can look him up in our database and give you a definitive answer.”

There was a deep sigh, allowing for a lengthy pause. A Grimm and a wesen stood out in the cold Portland air. Her head moved side to side in a negative motion, and her eyes suddenly found the ground much more interesting to look at than the man in front of her. She was trying to reign in her emotions and keep from crying out in the freezing air. After whaat seemed to be an eternity, her misty eyes went to Nick’s as she had her internal struggle.

“His name was Sean. Sean Renard.”

[jpitha]

Dreams of Hyacinth 34

First / Previous / Next

Eastern reached out to Ganymede station while Nick continued to get their bearings. Even though they were a million kilometers or so from it, Jupiter loomed large on the screen. Nick had never seen the planet up close before. It reminded him of the gas giant back home in the Parvati system.

While he stared, he reflected on where he and Eastern were. What were they doing? They were planning on diving back into danger to save their girlfriend sure, but Nick also felt like something larger was happening. Nick hated feeling out of control and yet it has felt like he's been acting at the whims of the Nanites since he got them, and even before that, acting at the whims of other folks. First Jameson, then Raaden, then the Nanites.

Does he even have the ability to follow his own path anymore? Is any decision he makes his?

Nick was staring out into space thinking these thoughts when Eastern got his attention. "Hon? Ganymede says they have to make some room - their docking ring is full - but once they have done so, we have permission to land. ETA is about a day."

Nick snapped out of his reverie. "They said their docking ring is full? Eastern, can you look with our scope? It is actually full?"

"Hmm, I didn't think to look. Let me check."

Another few minutes passed while Eastern scanned. "Huh. It looks like they have a few ships docked, but there is plenty of room. Why would they lie?"

Nick sighed. "They probably guessed who we are, or were told to call for help if anyone unknown linked in. Not one day in Sol and we've been made. We should link away."

Eastern's voice over the comm sounded strained. "But, Nick. If we leave, we're going to lose our chance to find out what happened to Selkirk."

Before Nick could reply, there was a blinding flash, and in front of them was a massive ship. Bigger than a Starjumper, with rounded edges and atmospheric control surfaces. Their radio chimed with a signal and Eastern opened the channel.

"This is the Dreams of Hyacinth. The Sol system is closed to colonial vessels. State your name and your purpose for entering the system." Nick's blood chilled with realization. He recognized that voice.

Eastern gasped. "Selkirk! It's us! It's Nick and Eastern! We came to look for you!"

The signal changed from audio to video. On the screen saw Selkirk standing on the Command Deck of the Hyacinth, dressed in the uniform of Raaden's empire. Her uniform was spotless and she was clearly in charge. Nick could see ten thin wires spilling down from the back of her neck towards the command chair next to her.

Her eyes blinked in surprise. Her ears flicked, and for a split second, it looked like she was pleased to see them. Just as quickly, her expression settled into a snarl. "I've been here the whole time, Nick and Eastern. The more pertinent question is where have you been? Empress Raaden filled me in on your treachery."

Eastern nearly stuttered in her haste to explain themselves. "Treachery? Sel, Helen told us you were dead! She said you died on the operating table during your surgery. She lied to us. She made it clear that unless we went along with her, that things would go badly for us. We ran for our lives. Nick didn't believe it, so we... borrowed a ship from the AIs and came back to Sol to find you!"

Selkirk sat back down in her command chair. As she moved, the cables attached to her moved with her and slid back out of the way. "Pardon me if I find your story hard to believe. You've been gone for five years. There was plenty of time for you to come and find me. No, this is a trick. You were sent here in an AI built ship to come and destabilize us. To try and undo all the good work we've done."

"Sel please!" Eastern's voice was on the edge of tears. "We were in hibernation! We got tricked by the AIs and they put us on ice! We never meant to be gone this long! Let's get together, and we can talk it out, just like the old days."

Selkirk's face hardened. "No Eastern. You and Nick had your chance. You could have come back anytime. Helen herself told me she was willing to hear you out, welcome you back. You made your choice. I've made mine." Selkirk turned away from the camera. "Goodbye Nick. Goodbye, Eastern." The comm link was disconnected.

"No... Sel..." Eastern's voice was quiet.

Nick stared at the dark screen, blinking back tears. Suddenly, a hooting alarm sounded. "Eastern, what's going on?"

"We're being targeted Nick! Missile incoming."

For just a moment, Nick wondered if he should just let them come. No. No, that's not the way, he thought. We can figure this out, get Selkirk back. "Free the slug throwers, we have to defend ourselves." Nick's fingers flew over the panel next to his chair while he tried to find the missiles that Eastern saw.

"What's the point Nick? Sel made her choice. She's lost."

"Eastern! We're not going to sit here and take a missile up the ass because Selkirk rejected us! This is Helen's doing. We'll get Helen and get Selkirk back, but only if we survive. That's what we do hon. We survive." Nick released the slug throwers and main battery himself. Luckily it started to auto target the missile. "Eastern. We are going to get through this, but only if we help each other."

"Okay Nick. I'll help."

The slug thrower's chattering roar vibrated the ship as it attempted to fling metal at the incoming missile. With a small orange and white flash, it was gone.

"We got it hon! Calculate a link away, and we'll regroup. I'll keep an eye out for more missiles." Nick dithered over firing back. No. If they don't shoot they won't run the risk of hurting Selkirk.

"... Okay Nick. Where should we go?"

"I don't know Eastern, anywhere is better than here. Pick someplace."

Nick's console squealed an alarm as an energy spike was detected from Dreams of Hyacinth, and he barely had any time to react before their main battery struck Empress. The blast rang their little ship like a gong, and alerts lit up red all over his panel. Another hit like that would take them out. "Eastern! We can't take another hit like that. Get us out of here!" Nick's ears rung with the blast and his ears popped. Pressure loss. A huge pressure door clanged shut, sealing the command deck and Nick felt a breeze as the deck was re-pressurized.

Eastern's voice sounded strangely quiet and muffled. "I'm trying Nick, I'm trying. I don't feel right. I think that hit damaged the wormhole generator or something. I'm trying to work around it." Empress shot away from Hyacinth on thrusters as Nick's console hooted that they had another lock.

Before Nick could bring the slug throwers around again, there was another flash and a ship appeared in front of them. Eastern squeaked and flipped Empress over, trying to thrust in another direction so they didn't strike the unknown ship. Nick had never seen this kind of ship before either. It was larger than they were, but smaller than Starjumper, and had a wild blue and orange paint scheme. It instantly opened up more laser batteries than Nick thought possible on the Hyacinth. Selkirk's ship lit up with the light and energy of the blasts. Nick's first impulse was to tell them to stop shooting, but the words caught in his mouth as he realized that Selkirk didn't seem to feel the same way.

"Who the hell is that Eastern?"

"I don't know Nick, but they're helping. Open a comm channel and ask, I'm still trying to keep us from blowing up."

Nick toggled the radio. "Unknown ship, this is Empress, thank you for the assist. Who are we speaking to?"

The commlink switched to video and a Mariens was sitting in front of them. Nick blinked in surprise. He knew of Mariens from the news back when Melody came into Sol, but he had never seen one up close. They really did have a octopus look about them. "This is Captain Dev'inna of the Immar IV. We're going to grab you with our grapple and link you to safety. Hold tight."

Before Nick could react, practically the entire bottom of the Immar split open, revealing a massive grapple arm. With practiced precision, Immar grabbed the top of Empress and slid it closer.

Empress was smaller than Immar, but not so small as to be brought inside the Mariens ship and before Nick could ask what they were doing, there was a disorienting flash and they both linked away.

When they reappeared in space, Captain Dev'inna called again. "Sorry about that. We didn't want Dreams of Hyacinth to know what we were doing or where we were going. We still try and keep a low profile these days. We're safer now, but we won't be safe until we're docked inside the Reach. Follow us please."

Nick looked out and he couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was a Starbase, almost as large at High Mars Hyacinth, but teardrop shaped. The widest part of the teardrop was the top and had angular protrusions, almost like skyscrapers. The bottom, pointed part of the teardrop was surrounded by a ring. Nick couldn't help it and blurted out "What is that?"

Captain Dev'inna chuckled. "That friends, is Reach of the Might of Vzzx. The last Builder Starbase. The AIs helped bring it out here after Melody's... plan failed. Even though we were on the other side of the war, they didn't feel right leaving us on the other side of the galaxy. For that - and only that - we thank them. We can speak more in person. Come on."

They closed the connection. Eastern said "Well... I guess we should follow them. It seems like they're here to help us."

Nick leaned back in his seat. "Yes, but why? How did they know we were here and more importantly, how did they know we needed help?"

"All good questions hon. Let's ask them when we get inside."

Eastern turned Empress to follow Immar IV, and they slowly continued on towards the massive station. Instead of going towards the ring, Immar went near the middle, and as they approached, doors large enough to admit a Starjumper opened. Immar slid in and as Eastern got close, she felt a pull and grunted. "Huh. They have some kind of field. We're being pulled in on our own. That makes landings easy at least."

All in all, the landing only took about 30 minutes as Empress drifted slowly past other ships, all in different stages of repair or construction. Some of the bays looked like the ships had been half built for decades, others were bright and busy with work.

Without any fanfare, Empress slipped into an empty bay, and with a hum and a flash, a field sprung up near the door and Nick began to hear noise as air rushed into the bay. A few minutes later, Empress's systems spun down and Eastern came up to the command deck, rubbing the back of her head. "I don't know about you Nick, but I don't think I like being a ship that long. The change from my body to ship makes me feel... odd. I hope I don't have to be driving all the time."

Nick smiled and hugged Eastern. He tilted his head up and kissed her gently. "I'll drive next time if we need to hon. Thanks for doing it this time."

She smiled, and they made their way towards the exit.

Empress was never designed for atmospheric work, so the main airlock opened about two meters over the deck. Nick watched as an Aviens and Mariens rushed over with a wheeled set of stairs, and leaned them against Empress. Nick and Eastern carefully climbed down and thanked the dockworkers.

"Of course Empress, Emperor. Please, Captain Dev'inna and Sound of the City are waiting to meet you. This way."

Looking at each other, but saying nothing, Nick and Eastern shrugged and followed the workers. They passed through a thick airlock.

Nick and Eastern boggled. There were easily more people here than anywhere either of them had ever seen. Even Congregation Square, the busiest part of Hyacinth couldn't compare. Hyacinth was built large to make it feel roomy. The Reach was apparently built large to hold a lot of people. While they stood there, they saw all kinds of sapients. People they'd only read about or seen pictures or video. Mariens, Aviens, Azurians, and even a few of the Falor, who lived in atmospheric suits all the time outside of their district. Nick remembered reading about them, apparently quite a few relocated to one of the floating cities on Venus, because they could just lower it deeper into the Venusian atmosphere and make a more tolerable place for them.

After a moment, Captain Dev'inna rushed over with one of the bird looking people, the Aviens with them. They were wearing a royal blue uniform and under it had shimmering feathers.

Eastern looked around. Actually lots of people here wore the same Royal Blue that Melody wore.

"Empress! Emperor! Welcome to Reach of the Might of Vzzx! We're so glad you're here!" Captain Dev'inna bowed low.

"Indeed. We finally feel whole again. It is such a joy to see you." The Aviens matched the bow of Dev'inna. "I am Sound of the City, current Head Builder on the Reach and leader of the Administration."

Nick and Eastern returned the bows without thinking. Nick thought it was odd that they both did that, but at the same time it felt... right to do it. "Builder? I thought all the Builders were killed when... the AIs captured the Reach?" Nick said.

City's eyes sparkled. "Yes, and I suppose they thought the Empresses destroyed when they killed Melody. And yet, you stand before us."

Eastern narrowed her eyes. "What about Empress Raaden?"

City scoffed. "We do not recognize her authority. Do you know that she has not returned to the reach once since Melody died? She has made no speeches, she has done no rites. She is not empress, she merely has the Nanites. Being Empress is more than nanotechnology."

Eastern looked like she was about to say something else, but Nick held up his hand. "Captain Dev'inna, Sound of the City, please accept our most grateful thanks for the help, but I must ask. How did you know we were there? How did you know we needed help? How did you know we even existed?"

Sound of the City looked surprised. "Emperor, are you testing us? We knew where you were for the same reason that you knew how to return our greetings. For the same reason you both are speaking our languages instead of your own Colonic."

"The Nanites told us."

[rora-ish]

its like 5 in the morning and ive woken up crying. i have a stalker at work, he comes in every day and today everyone actually saw for the first time as he followed me down an aisle when i tired to get out of his way. im scared, its so real, i had hoped i was just being dramatic, but grown men i work with had to step between us before i could get to the back office.

hes like 6’5, and honestly very intimidating, and the guard - maybe the only person i could rely on to actually save me if i need it - is saying ‘oh, hes arabic i think, theyre always very intense, it will be fine’ it will not be fine.

id say 40% of the people i deal with daily are foreign, and alot of them arabic, none of them have done this or made me so scared.

the first time he came in, last friday i think, it was late and i was alone on self checkout, no workers no customers, and i made eye contact with him as he came in (immediately thinking from the way he was looking for where i was, that he was trying to steal) only for him to walk right to the tagged alcohol at the front and crouch there. i carried on cleaning, watching him in the reflection of the window and seeing that he was staring at me every time he could. i got that gut feeling, the fear, the flight, and called bekkie down to come stand with me, and she saw first hand what he was doing. it seemed to scare him away quite a bit so he went to the other end of the store and eventually bekkie moved away - and he came back, did it all over again, bought a pack of beer and left. even as he was leaving he turned around to look at me a few times, which my manager vaguely saw.

the next day, he came in again, earlier, and i was on a till. bekkie was on self checkout and immediately spotted him. watching him, it was very clear he was looking for something (which i now think was me) and when he somehow didnt see me he very quickly bought beer and left - only to then see and stare at me as he passed me on the way out. we’d been kind of watching him the whole time between us, he hadnt stopped to look twice at anything the whole time, but looked like he was searching for me.

yesterday he came in again, around 4:45 i think, and i was on self checkout, but a few other were on bread and close by. as soon as i saw him come in, i watched as he spotted me and did a full change of direction to head for me, so i immediately walked onto bread and gave the fobs to emily so i coukd run to the warehouse and get out of his way - to which he visbly changed his course again and followed me, which she saw, and then called me out of his way and to the offices to go hide behind a locked door instead. i obviously didnt see but i assume she saw him try to follow me again based on the look on her face. i went into the offices and spoke to adam( the manager) and we pinpointed him at the back of the store looking at nothing, trying to waste time like he had the first night, and pointed him out to the guard again. adam came and ‘worked’ with me to see him for himself, and as the guy walked back past he stared at me again. i didnt stick around to see him leave or let him stare anymore, but jay said he left on a bike past the window.

so now im crying, wondering if he’ll come again tomorrow (based on badically three days running im assuming yes) and praying i wont be alone without a headset when he does, and that nick will take me seriously and help me. when i mentioned the situation after the first day he made some crude jokes aboit not bending over in front of guys - very lighthearted, the kind of jokes we all share honestly, and hes been good at taking me seriously in the past when i need him to, but im scared still.

this guy is tall, he seems to always wear a black cap and backpack, and if he wanted to do anything there is no way in reasonable hell i would be able to stop him. as odd of a detail as it may seem, i also know he isnt muslim, since he buys alcohol - the guard said he might be and hdnt really been around women in tight clothes and hair out before - but again, i see thousands of people a day, and hes the only one in 7 months there that has made me this uncomfortable.

im so fucking scared, and im considering quitting

[mariacallous]

Appalling news for exotic animal genitalia, as it is revealed that former health secretary Matt Hancock will be going into the I’m a Celeb jungle. I know: it’s simultaneously the very last thing you want to see, and also ALL you want to see. To any Guardian readers prompted to email me with something along the lines of “actually I wouldn’t dream of seeing this”, do please take the following column as a thank you for your message, but also understand that it could be December before I am able to formally get back to you. I find that in November, I will mostly be watching Matt Hancock on I’m a Celebrity.

The details as we have them are thus: as the ITV series launches on Sunday night, Hancock will materialise in the Australian bush, having either arrived by air or simply passed through a haunted dunny. In terms of Matt’s long but remorseless journey towards being prime minister, this is probably his equivalent of Churchill’s stint in the second Boer war. That said, he has immediately lost the Tory whip. But maybe he’ll find something much more precious – himself.

He will certainly take part in a series of challenges and trials with campmates including Mike Tindall, Boy George, Corrie’s Sue Cleaver, Loose Women’s Charlene White, and a load of other people who didn’t lecture you like a try-hard PSHE teacher for the whole of 2020 and half of 2021 while tens of thousands of people died needlessly on his watch. A source close to Hancock told the Guardian that the serving MP has been considering the show’s offer for a while, but only feels able to do it now because “the government is stable”. Amazing. For a while back there, it was clear things were so bad they couldn’t withstand the market-moving spectacle of Boy George mugging him off round the campfire, while Matt covered his mic and hissed: “Please, think of what this will do to gilt yields!” But now things are so bad it literally doesn’t even matter.

In terms of the various tried-and-tested I’m a Celeb gameplans open to Matt, I’m trying to think of what would be the most banter outcome. Then again, it’s all banter, isn’t it? The second the genius behind the “CARE” badge got on the flight to Queensland, we already reached banter nirvana. Hang on, wait: there is one way this could go supra-banter. Specifically, Hancock could do that little introductory piece to camera all the contestants do, and keep a big reveal till the end. “Hi, I’m Matt. I’m 44, I’m an MP – quite random, I know! – and I’m here to maximise growth. Personal growth. Anything else? Oh yeah – newly single. I’m not looking for love, but … I’m not not looking for it either?”

Like I say, that’s just storyboarding and not in-game footage. There is absolutely no suggestion Matt has recently parted company with former spad-u-like Gina Coladangelo, nor that he will be pictured in a clinch against the Bush Telegraph door with Love Island alumna Olivia Attwood. But look: if it does happen, I am available to go on any number of wanky news programmes and discuss “what it says about British politics”. I truly adore these studio-based think-pieces, in which no one is ever allowed to reply by simply cackling: “I mean honestly, Nick, what do you THINK it fucking says?!”

Sorry, but spare us so much as a single self-styled serious news anchor attempting to use Hancock’s appearance to “provoke debate”. You know the sort of thing. “Is this actually quite clever on his part?” “In a world where people are turning off politicians, is this a way of getting them to tune back in?” Guys, please, please don’t attempt to intellectualise Matt Hancock’s turn in the jungle! Just experience it as a feeling. Let it wash over you like a really iconic I’m a Celeb waterfall shower scene.

As for what’s brought all this on, who can say? This week has certainly seen eye-catching merchandising moves in the Matt Hancock space. Only yesterday, we got what felt like a rushed reveal of the cover of his Pandemic Diaries, which are now being published on 6 December. A little late to be formally considered a Christmas title (perhaps timed for the lucrative Dry January market). That said if you are short of a present. I think I can say with some confidence that were you to enter a local bookshop/The Works at 6.59pm on 24 December, copies of this book WILL be available, and would surely delight any family member you wish to threaten you with the bacon scissors before Christmas lunch.

In fact, the book looks so insultingly dreadful that it would ironically make the perfect gift for Matt Hancock. We learn from various publicity material that Pandemic Diaries is “based on the author’s contemporaneous records of those extraordinary months”. I keep thinking of the bit in The Importance of Being Earnest where Algy asks Cecily if he can read her diary, and she goes “Oh no. You see, it is simply a very young girl’s record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication.” (Although if memory serves Cecily did not produce her diary, as Hancock has done, in collaboration with Isabel Oakeshott.) Anyway, if Matt does go on to diversify into a fragrance line – and on this form you certainly wouldn’t rule it out – you could easily see it being called something like “Divorce – by Matt Hancock”.

As for what to expect in his forthcoming I’m a Celeb appearance, let’s extemporise. Hancock fashioning a football out of palm fronds and badgering Jill Scott to beat him at keepy-uppies. Hancock throwing a protective ring round the camp’s elders, all of whom immediately get medevacked out. Conversations round the campfire in which Hancock tells Chris Moyles: “Ultimately what happened is that I fell in love. Is that a crime? If so, lock me up and throw away the key.” Hancock deciding Mike Tindall is a fellow alpha male and attempting to form an alliance with him: “Together, we could rule the jungle.” Tindall declining; Tindall engineering things so he faces off against Hancock in a bushtucker trial; Tindall just staring dead-eyed and unblinking at Hancock as he boshes round after round of animal dick and the former health secretary fails to keep up; Tindall’s sheer avenging willpower breaking Matt’s spirit until he succumbs to a live, category 5 spiritual meltdown and full public apology. Cop that, Scrappy Doo.

The darkest potential timeline, obviously, is that the British phone-voting public takes to Matt of the Jungle, and he actually goes on to win the show. If that happens, the ban on think-pieces is obviously immediately rescinded, and I will personally join the growing numbers of people who are turning away from the very idea of democracy. See you in the militias.

[e-vasong]

I’ve already talked about a Leverage crossover where the Hargreeves are conmen but I'm. losing it thinking about. a Leverage AU where the Leverage team sees these kids on tv, and they just go.  oh shit, that’s just fucking wrong.  (I know the timelines don’t match up but let’s pretend the umbrella kids were born a little later, or that Leverage takes place a little earlier, or something like that.  I don’t know.)

But these fucking umbrella kids show up on TV, and at first none of them are paying much attention. Not right away.  They’re busy running cons, and none of them except Hardison watch TV for fun very often.

So they’ve all heard bits and pieces about this Umbrella thing, and aren’t quite sure what to make of it.  Superhumans, huh? Eliot mutters at one point. Whatever. Our lives are already so goddamn weird.

But eventually they catch a broadcast while they’re home in between cases.  it’s playing in the background while they’re enjoying a meal together at the brewery.

The Umbrella Academy saves the day yet again! the broadcaster declares cheerily. We go now to a statement at the Louvre from their leader, Sir Reginald Hargreeves.

It’s just novel enough to catch their attention--being who they are, they all perk up at the word Louvre--and it gets them half-watching as they chat over breakfast.

It’s Parker that sees it first.  She’s Parker, so what catches her attention is actually not the fact that one of them is covered in blood, nor is it the fact that their father is calling them by numbers instead of names.  It’s the way that they stand, tense and upright.  It’s the way that the one covered in blood is trembling minutely, so fine that it’s almost imperceptible. But she notices. And she notices the way that the one to the bloodied boy’s left--the fifth one in line--leans over ever-so-subtly when their father is looking away. Whispers something with the barest movement of his lips. And then, after a moment of hesitation, he links hands with his shaking brother, twining their fingers together.  Parker knows that whisper, knows what this is. She used to do that with her brother.  Used to hold Nick’s hand, just like that, when their fosters were scaring him, trying to provide comfort even despite the fear of being caught.

It’s not long before the others follow her gaze. She’s stopped engaging in the conversation entirely, is just staring at the television with a death glare, nose wrinkled.

“Parker, baby,” Hardison says.  “That’s your angry face.”

“I’m angry,” she says, and doesn’t elaborate.

“Got it,” Hardison takes it in stride, as he always does.

Eliot’s frowning at the TV.  Unlike Parker, his eye does jump to the most obvious thing first.  To the boy, no older than eleven or twelve probably, drenched head to toe with blood.  There’s no rips in his clothing; Eliot’s pretty sure the blood isn’t his. He’s standing up straight, but his shoulders are slightly hunched.  Like he’s injured.  Broken ribs, maybe?  And he’s been taught to hide them too. He’s also not the only one with that too-stiff posture. These kids aren’t standing up straight. They’re standing at attention.  Number One, their father calls one of them, and what are those? Fucking callsigns?  

Sophie and Nate are watching too.  Their faces are carefully blank.  They aren’t happy, Parker’s pretty sure, but they’re trying not to react.

“What the hell?” Hardison says slowly.  He’s the last one to catch on, though only by a very narrow margin.  He lacks Sophie and Nate’s cynicism, and the years of personal experience Parker and Eliot have, but he’s still too smart to not figure it out almost immediately.  And he is first one to abandon the stunned stillness that’s fallen over the rest of them, pulling his laptop out of his bag, already quickly tapping away at the keys.

“This ain’t right,” Eliot says, voice a growl in his chest.  “This is--this is--it’s televised child abuse.”

Sophie makes a quiet noise of agreement then. “It is,” she says, quietly disgusted. “Those poor children.”

Nate is still staring at the screen, lips pressed flat.

“This Reginald guy looks rich,” Parker says.  Then: “Can we kill him?”

Eliot chokes on his drink.

“How is this even legal?” Sophie asks.  She sounds curious, though not particularly surprised by the grievous violation of child protection laws before her. “It’s so...blatant.”

“Sir Reginald Hargreeves,” Hardison says, no longer typing.  “He is--oh shit.” And the typing resumes, faster and a little more panicked than before.

“Hardison?” Nate prods after a moment, giving Hardison a sidelong glance.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s all good,” Hardison says.  “The INTERPOL files on this guy are locked up tight though.  Almost tripped their security system there.  I didn’t, of course, but--”

“You couldn’t get in?” Eliot says, smirking.

“Yet,” Hardison says.  “Dammit, man, it’s been less than five minutes.  Give me a couple hours and that thing is mincemeat.  Metaphorically speaking, of course.  But I do see what’s going on here and,” he clicks his tongue, shaking his head in disappointment.  “Y’all, this is hinky.”

“Yes, I think we got that,” Nate says.  The corner of his lip twitches up.

“Yeah, yeah,” Hardison says.  “This guy has got friends everywhere.  No one knows how he got the kids, but it looks like he technically bought them--”

“He what?” Sophie sounds like she’s been suckerpunched.  Parker can’t think of the last time she heard Sophie sound so shocked.

“Oh yeah.  You think that’s bad?  The numbers aren’t code names  The numbers are their name names.  Like, legally.  I just found an article that said he ordered them by how useful he thinks they are, but judging by the adoption papers it was actually in the order he, uh,” Hardison coughs, “acquired them.”

Eliot is swaying where he stands.  “Common tactic.  He’s pitting them against one another so they’ll be easier to control.  It undermines the self worth of the ones lower on the scale and makes the ones that are higher up feel obligated to do what he wants.  Son of a bitch.”

“...And it looks like he leveraged their powers as excuse to gain exemptions from child protection laws,” Hardison continues like he hasn’t been interrupted.  “Claimed their abilities meant they don’t need the same safeguards.”

“That’s bullshit!” Eliot sounds thunderous.

“I know, buddy,” Hardison reaches over blindly, waving his hand around vaguely until he finds Eliot’s shoulder.  He gives it a comforting squeeze.  “I didn’t write it.”

Eliot heaves in a shuddering breath.  “That’s just--”

“Evil,” Sophie finishes.  

“I’m inclined to agree,” Nate says.  He’s not watching the TV anymore.  He’s staring off into the middle distance, arms crossed over his chest.

“Oh!” Parker perks up.  All the grief and distress that had been brewing on her face vanishes like storm clouds parting for the sun.  “Nate! Nate, are you scheming?  You look like you’re scheming.”

Nate makes a noncommittal grunt.  “It would be dangerous.”

“They’re in danger,” Sophie says softly, jerking her head in the television’s direction.

Eliot’s long-since gotten to his feet.  He’s pacing, and that’s how Parker knows he’s furious.  When Eliot is too angry to stand it, he has to move, has to find some way to handle the rage roiling under his skin.  Usually he cooks, chopping vegetables with furious aplomb.  And when he can’t cook, he paces.  

“They’re fucking child soldiers,” he says.  “I can’t--” he cuts himself off with a furious shake of the head.  I can’t believe, he was about to say, Parker thinks, but he had to stop because that’s not true.  Eliot knows better than anyone what the government--what the world does to people they find useful, whether its skill or power that makes them so.

“Y’all are behind,” Hardison says in sing-song.  “I’m already trying to burn this motherfucker down.”

“Hardison, do not tip our hand,” Nate says, snapping into his leader-voice automatically.  Parker grins.  He’s already got a plan, then.  She knew all that reluctance was just for show.  Sophie laughs, as clear and bright as the ringing of a bell, and even Eliot perks up.  

Hardison grumbles, closing his laptop and stuffing it back in his messenger bag.  

Nate is grinning a little too, though it’s that angry smile he gets sometimes when Parker knows he’s thinking about hurting bad people.  She understands.  She's wearing hers too right now.  Nate glances them all over, and for all the malice dripping off the knife’s edge of that smile, his eyes are soft.  Maybe even a little proud.

“Fine. Fine. You guys win,” Nate says, lifting his hands in defeat.  He’s putting on a show of being beleaguered, but Parker can hear the sparking anger in his voice, and oh, how could she have forgotten?  Sophie is so gently righteous, Hardison so achingly distressed, and Eliot so full of fire and fury that she almost didn’t notice Nate’s seething wrath, nearly forgot that Nate looks at every injured child in need of help and thinks of Sam.  “Everyone, get your things.  Hardison, get us some plane tickets.  Let’s go steal some children.”

“Okay, okay.  I ain’t complaining cause, like, fuck that guy,” Hardison says, slinging his bag over his shoulder.  “But stealing children?  Could you have made us sound anymore like kidnappers?”

“Hardison!”

“I’m just saying.”

[randomshyperson]

The Scarlet Witch Prophecy - Chapter 20 - Agatha's Memories (Part Two)

My official gif maker @abimess, thank you.

Summary: As the youngest daughter of Howard Stark, you have ordinary expectations for your years at Hogwarts. Little do you know what adventures await you when your destiny is intertwined with the legendary Scarlet Witch.

Warnings: +16. Adaptation of the Harry Potter Saga, Magical Thematic, Prophecies, Mentions of Violence, Torture and dark magic, Language (swearing and minor/major offenses), manipulation of will, Underage kissing, insinuation of smut with minors, Smut (overage), descriptions of death, aggression, obscurity, angst, fluffy, soulmates analogies.

Series Masterlist ||  Read on AO3 || All Works Masterlist

Chapter 20 - Part XX - Agatha's Memories (Part Two)

You don’t sleep for long, there is a sound of something breaking that makes you blink confusedly as you move on your bed.

Then you realize that it is the wood up your head that is moving, along with a red magic that you know very well.

You look forward, only to find Wanda with an impassive look on her face as she merges the bed into one.

“I’m sleeping with you from now on.” She says simply as she finishes, and you lay back on the mattress, not sure of what to say about that.

You hold your breath as you hear her taking off her shoes, changing to her pajamas next, staring on the roof of the tent as she does it.

She pulls the blanket to lie down, and then is mimicking your position.

"Would...would it be okay if I hugged you?" she asks after a moment, and you feel your heart race.

"I'd like that." You mumble clumsily, turning to the opposite side.

And it takes half a second for Wanda to wrap her arms around your waist, burying her face in your shoulders, inhaling your perfume and making you blush heavily.

Your legs entwine from underneath the comforter, and you feel more secure than you ever have before.

"I'm sorry." She murmurs against your skin. You think she is talking about what happened with the horcrux, and you just nod softly, but she repeats the apology against your ear, intertwining her hands in front of your belly, and you realize she is talking about everything.

"I love you." She confesses next, and you feel your eyes fill with tears.

The hug gets tighter, and you sink your face into the pillow, allowing yourself to cry.

And Wanda doesn't let go, even when you sob, and it takes a while, but you finally fall asleep. And when you do, she stays.

//-//-//-//

You woke up first. And you don’t wanna get up. Not when you have Wanda wrapped around you like this, your face buried her neck, as you both turned around during the night, and now your legs are completely entwined, and you are practically lying on top of her.

And all you do is sink even deeper against her body, sighing against her skin. She smells so good.

"-morning." She whispers hoarsely, still with her eyes closed, her hands around your body moving slowly against your back down and up, and you just murmur into her skin wishing you could stay in that moment forever.

"We should get up." Wanda says after a moment in silence, not seeming to really wish to do so.

"No, thank you." You retort and your voice comes out muffled against her neck, the vibration making her laugh.

"We need to darling, I think we have some lessons. "She says and you mumble softly, the curiosity to pursue the story Agatha was telling is enough to make you pull away.

But when you are about to let go of Wanda, she pulls on your forearm, and you look at her with confusion, but she moves forward and kisses you firmly.

It's slow, and soft. It makes you sigh, so you kiss her back, sinking right back onto the bed as her hands wrap around your hair to deepen the kiss.

When her tongue asks for passage, you see stars, melting under her touch. Wanda smiles against your lips, pulling you by the shoulders to lie on top of her.

But before you can do so, the sound of footsteps catches your attention, along with a soft hiss, and you grumble before pulling away.

Throwing your face back into the pillow, you try to calm your breathing and rapid heartbeat as Agatha strolls through the tent, until she comes to your room.

"Are the sleeping beauties going to get up, or should I bring coffee in bed?" She teases with her arms crossed as Wanda hides her smile as she notices your state. "You two know this isn't a honeymoon trip, right?"

"Stop being so bitter, Agatha." Wanda complains as she sits up. "We'll be right there."

"And a good day to us, ladies." The older witch retorts before leaving.

Wanda laughs softly, turning her attention back to you as you scramble up on the bed to sit down as well.

"How are you?" she asks, intertwining your hands on top of the mattress, and you let your gaze roam over her face, biting your lips against the urge to kiss her again.

"Fine." You murmur half hoarsely, from sleep or lust, Wanda will never know. "And you?"

"Better." She says with a nod, and you feel your heart race. Better with you here.

Wanda squeezes your hand before letting go, and she stands up, looking at you one last time before walking off toward the bathroom.

You sigh as you throw yourself back against the mattress, trying to push away the feeling of her tongue against yours and focus on the fact that you were even closer to completing your mission with one less horcrux to destroy.

//-//-//-//

“Where are we now?” You asked as you observed the surroundings. It’s the entrance of an old garage, in the corner of a city. But the real Agatha ignores your question as she guides you two inside, further into the memory.

Your dad, just a teen boy, maybe eighteen, is inside, working on a large machine, it seems that he was really a muggle mechanic, since there were cars all around, dismantled or not.

"Stark." It is Agatha from the memories who says, and startles your father slightly, who almost drops the screwdriver. But when he looks up, he smiles.

"Professor Harkness!" He says getting up, and wiping the grease on his apron quickly before greeting her. "You really did it!"

"I told you I would come." She says, and you are surprised at the affectionate way she looks at your father, "Look at you, Howard, you're so grown up."

Your father laughs, bowing his head softly. "Thank you, professor."

"I only say that because I've known you since you were a child." She humorously clarifies. "And now you are even growing a mustache. Tell me, do muggle girls like that sort of thing?"

Your father laughs with flushed cheeks, and Agatha follows him. Before they can say anything, there are voices and the sound of footsteps approaching, and soon, two people enter.

Wanda chokes softly next to you. "Mama."

You also recognized Magda, because you have seen pictures before. She had the same appearance as in the photos, and you were saddened by this, because she must have died not so long after this memory.

Erik stood beside her, wearing muggles like the woman next to him.

"Professor Harkness, you made it!" He greets politely, hurrying to shake the witch's hand as she smiles. "It's so good to see you again! This is Magda, my wife."

"It's a pleasure, dear."

The memory speeds up, you want to fight Agatha for cutting off Wanda's moment of seeing her mother properly, but the way Wanda strokes her thumb against your hand makes you give up saying anything.

The scene settles down in what you think is the apartment at the top of the garage where they were, all around a table, drinking beers.

"You guys know why I came all this way, don't you?" Agatha says, and seems to have just had a short pause in the conversation, as if everyone had been laughing before and suddenly got quiet. And the tension only increases with her comment.

Her father sighs, nodding. "There is no daily prophet here, but I have met some travelers. They are talking about a war, Agatha." He says worriedly. "But I want to hear it from you. Do you really think that could happen?"

Agatha gives a humorless laugh. "It's already happening." She says, placing her beer on the table, and straightening her posture. "The minister of magic waited too long. And now, this group, these so-called death walkers, or whatever ridiculous name they are thinking of trying, are everywhere. In the ministry, in the diagonal alley, in the Order."

Your father looks really upset, but you notice how uncomfortable Erik looks.

"And do you really think that's what they're after, Agatha?" He asks. "War. Do you think that's what the walkers are after?"

The teacher raises her eyebrow slightly. "What else could it be, besides chaos and complete destruction of our society, Erik?"

His former teacher is unaffected by the snickering, he just gives a half-hearted laugh. " Well, freedom of course." He says, clearing his throat softly. "See, that time we've been here. New York is fascinating. Things are bad for muggles it's true, but for the rest of us, damn. The wizards are doing just fine. They have so much magic here, so much freedom to study what they want. The ministry encourages the discovery of new areas, gives financial support to researchers!"

Agatha crosses her legs, listening to Erik's speech carefully.

When he realizes that he may be defending Mephisto's group too much, he pauses, straightening up. "I'm just trying to say that maybe a change in the British government is exactly what our society needs to evolve, Agatha."

"You know, when Fury told me he wanted to recruit you boys to the order, I told him that children don't fight wars." She declares and you see the boys widen their eyes. "You two know that Katherine is dead, right? That Nick took over leadership of the order in his mother's place, and the first names he wanted were yours."

Your father nods, as does Erik.

"Well, I didn't agree." She says. "I said I knew other wizards, more experienced, more trustworthy. Wizards who didn't flee their homeland to live the American dream."

"That's not-" Your father begins but the look in Agatha's eyes makes him shut up.

"Nick insisted that I come here." She continues. "He said that you have kept in touch by correspondence, and that you continue to have the same, what was the word, moral inclination. But now I wonder if he was really right about that."

"I didn't mean to say that the walkers are right!" Erik exclaims defensively, looking embarrassed, but Agatha just smiles.

"Don't worry, honey." She says as she leans in. "I think that kind of moral difference is exactly what makes this whole conflict interesting."

"That's sadistic of you, Agatha." Howard comments seriously. "We're talking about a war."

"Don't be hypocritical now, Howey." She retorts with a wicked smile. "You think I don't know who the travelers you've been talking to are? Say, the magical trafficking laws are simpler in America, aren't they?"

Your father locks his jaw, but keeps his face up.

"I did what I needed to do to survive here." He says simply, and Agatha laughs.

"Of course you did." She says. "So did we all. And now we have a potential battle ahead of us, something that could change the course of wizarding life for future generations. Tell me, do you intend to stand here fixing machines and pretending that your friends are not dying for your freedom? And I thought you were tired of this kind of attitude, golden boy."

Your father stands up, enraged. But he says nothing, and swallows his pride. He gives Erik one last look before leaving the room.

Agatha sighs softly, turning her attention back to Erik, who has his fists clenched in his lap.

"You know very well that the situation is not so simple." He says and Agatha smiles.

"And you know it's him don't you?" She retorts and Erik clenches his jaw.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think you know very well, Erik." Agatha insists. "When I fired him, he didn't stay in England. He came to America with his favorite student."

"Keep your voice down." Erik quickly retorts, looking back a moment before leaning forward. "It's not what you think."

"But I don't think anything." She says. "I'm exactly giving you the chance to explain yourself, before I draw my own conclusions."

Erik takes a deep breath, and turns to Magda, squeezing her hands.

"Honey, can you give us a minute?" He asks, and Wanda's mother looks like she's going to say no, before nodding.

She walks off in the same direction as her father, and then Erik and Agatha are alone.

"Professor Faustus has asked me for support, Agatha." He says. "He was out of a job, and with his name tainted with rumors that no one has proven. And he never treated us badly, so I helped him."

"You kept this from Howard? I thought you were best friends." Agatha teases but Erik laughs humorlessly.

"Of course not." He says. "Who do you think paid for the tickets?"

"Interesting." She says. "Why tickets?"

"Because he was being investigated for the dark magic rumors." Erik says. "The ministry put a blocker on him. Any magic he tried to do would go straight to the minister's notes. And well, he needed Howey's help to remove the device from behind his neck."

"While he was hiding, I imagine he told you about his wonderful ideas."

"No, Agatha." He says. "Faustus just looked tired. And he felt betrayed, mostly by you. But in general, he complained, and studied. Howey and I would work all day, and he would stay in his room, among the magic books, unable to conjure anything, not even a light spell. I've never seen him so frustrated."

"I'd feel sorry for him, if that wasn't his fault." Agatha murmurs and Erik sighs in agreement.

"A few months after we arrived, Howey got it." Erik recounts. "Tivan gave him the materials he needed, and he freed Faustus from the blocking device in his skin. He thanked us, said he'd write, and then disappeared. We never heard from him again, but the letters from Fury started coming in the next months."

"Did Howard suspect?"

"No." Erik says squirming uncomfortably in his chair. "Howard trusted him, mostly because of the way he stood up for him in school. About supporting him to study mechanics, even if no one else would. But I knew I had to be smart after what happened with Raven."

"He tried to recruit you?"

Erik sighs. "No, Agatha. But he will."

"I know." She says. "That's why I came."

" I should have guessed that you don't make friendly visits, even to your best students."

Agatha laughs softly, leaning her arm on the carpet. "You think just because you can conjure a patronus you're my best student, Erik? I helped establish the order of merlin. You are not even remotely the most talented wizard I have taught."

"You are hurting my feelings." The man jokes, making the other woman smile.

"How will this work then, Erik?" She asks. "Are you going to accept Fury's offer? Or will you follow your heart?"

The man smiles, standing up. "That just concerns me, and my wife, don't you think?"

"Actually, no." Agatha retorts without sounding angry as Erik moves to collect the beer bottles and put them in the trash. "In fact, I think you even need to leave her."

Erik laughs in confusion. "Excuse me?"

"A muggle, Erik." She says as if it's obvious. "You're going to drag her into a war? That's cruel."

"Magda is stronger than you imagine."

"I'm sure she is." The witch says getting up as well. "But that is until she is hit by the first spell."

“Agatha, please.”

“Muggles can't handle magic like we can, Erik." She insists seriously. "You know that. A simple stupefy could kill her."

"I love her." He says turning away. "And I'm not going to England without her. If she decides to stay, then I will too."

"That's disappointing." Agatha comments, but Erik doesn't flinch, crossing his arms. The witch sighs. "Then do me a favor. Howard, at least he, needs to go. We can't afford to lose allies."

"I'll talk to him." Erik assures. "But you know that with all that his father has done, he doesn't want to go back to London anytime soon."

"This is so much bigger than a family feud." Agatha retorts. "Tell him that, and he'll feel guilty enough to accept it."

"Your mind games are wicked, professor." Erik says before nodding in agreement, leaving.

Agatha sighs, getting pensive.

Just then Magda walks back into the room.

"Miss Harkness?"

"Hello, dear."

"I just came to ask if you're going already? Erik looked upset, but I can walk you to the door. It's good manners."

The memory shakes until they are outside, and Magda leads her to the same place she should have appeared before.

"Please, before you go, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, sweetie."

Magda hesitates, but takes a deep breath and says. "If Erik stays, what are the chances of this war reaching us?"

Agatha looks at the woman for a moment. "I don't think there is a way to escape what is happening in England, Magda. And if we lose, it's not just the witches who will suffer the consequences."

Magda nods in understanding, then steps forward. "Tell me how I can help you."

"He wouldn't approve, but I can't watch everything fall apart around us. Tell me how I can help."

Agatha smiles, touching Magda's shoulder. You hold your breath, as does Wanda, who also notices the magic in the witch's fingertips, and the purple color in her eyes.

"Leave him, dear." She says. "But it needs to be natural, okay? As best as I can, he must not suspect it was my idea. Erik would never put you in danger, but he wouldn't leave you alone either. So you need to end it all."

Magda has tears in her eyes, but she just nods mechanically. And the memory becomes blurred.

Wanda is tense beside her, and you are silent.

"That doesn't make sense." You mutter. "Carol told me that Magda was in Sokovia, and that-"

"She's not my mother, is she?" Wanda cuts you off, looking at the floor. The real Agatha sighs, as you look at the two in confusion.

"How could you tell?" She asks.

"I don't have her eyes."

It was a funny detail about the few pictures of Magda that Erik had in the Maximoff house. All the pictures were old, because they were from muggles. And they were never sharp enough in detail, just good enough for you to be able to recognize the woman in the recollection.

Agatha laughs softly. "Is that all Erik told you about your mother? That you had her eyes?"

Wanda squeezes your hand, and with the other she wipes her cheek.

"Just show me the truth at once, Agatha."

"As you wish."

//-//-//

You stumble gently as you get used to the dirt floor that has stabilized at your feet.

"Are you okay?" You whisper to Wanda, but she just nods, smiling weakly before looking back at the memory forming in your eyes.

You were startled by the bright lights in the sky, recognizing them immediately as wandering spells.

Someone just fought here, and it was no small fight.

"Agatha!" Erik shouted, approaching quickly, coming from the corner as if he had been hiding until now, and the teacher had emerged.

Wanda also held her breath as she noticed the large cut on his forehead, the blood dripping down his face.

"T-They've surrounded us..." He says breathlessly, his wand in fists as he stumbles to get closer. "We narrowly won and-"

"Calm down boy." Agatha says as she holds his shoulders, working quickly to heal his wounds. "Where are the others?"

"Further away." Erik replied visuvelmettely exhausted. You could tell he was a little older than the last memory, but he was still young. "Back to the mansion.

"Good, they' ll be safe there." She says as she helps Erik stand properly. "Where's Natalya?"

And Erik chokes, sobbing. You frown in confusion, and Agatha makes a pitying face.

"Oh, Erik."

He cried, shrugging. "She was.... She tried to gain ground. She hit four of them at once. But... But she-"

And he sobbed, and Agatha didn't insist, hugging him.

"I'm sorry, Erik." She whispered.

And the memory trembled until they were back on the mansion's dirt path, almost at the iron driveway, the man visibly calmer, though quite shaken.

"Erik, what about the children?" Agatha asks as she stops walking in front at the gate.

The man looks on the verge of tears again, but only sighs.

"I have no idea, Agatha." He says. "No place is safe in the UK anymore. I can't leave the order to look after them, I don't know what to do."

And Agatha looks at him a moment, before nodding. "I will help you."

You see many flashbacks of memories, Agatha greeting injured order members, then going back to write letters, and checking the news. You think you see flashes of fights too, big duels, before everything stabilizes again.

It's Magda in front of you, and she looks more mature too.

"Years ago, you asked me how I could help you." Agatha spoke behind you, and you startled yourself by jumping to the side, and watching intently as the witch touched Magda's hands. "You saved yourself by leaving him. But you will save his life and the rest of the wizarding world if you accept what I am about to ask of you."

Magda's eyes widened, but she nodded after a moment. Agatha waved her hands, and a cart approached you.

"Run away, Magda." She says. "Their mother had a house, enchanted to protect from invaders on a hill in a small country in Europe." Agatha explains as Magda lets out a surprised exclamation at the babies in the stroller.

"They... are beautiful." She whispers excitedly, touching the children with her fingers, who fall asleep innocently. "What happened, Agatha? Where is Erik?"

"The fight just got bigger, hon." She explains. "Much bigger than we ever expected. Your people are suffering too, but they're saying it's natural disasters."

Magda is shocked, but she speaks again. "Agatha, I am not a witch. I can't protect them."

"That's exactly why you can." Agatha retorts, taking the other woman's hands again. "Go to Sokovia. There are no witch communities there. Hide yourself, hide them. You have no idea how important it is to keep them safe."

"Tell me, then."

Agatha swallows dryly, and looks away from the babies. "It's only a legend, but it could change the fate of this war. The girl, Magda, is a powerful witch. A special kind, like her mother was."

"My god, she's just a child, Agatha."

"That's exactly why she needs to be protected." The witch retorts. " She' s fragile, like a crystal to be stolen. She must not be found, promise me you will protect her."

"I promise." She says nodding, but Agatha sighs, and her eyes turn purple, her grip increases.

"No matter what happens, Magda." She says. "You will protect them, do you understand?"

"Yes."

The memory shakes again, and this time, your father is in front of you, and you hold your breath, shocked to see him so close so suddenly.

“You’re a snake!” He accused angrly, but without any movement, his eyes were serious with his arms crossed.

You turn to realize he was talking to Agatha, in a room that had no windows.

“I was keeping them safe, Howard.” The woman said. “I don’t expect you to understand the feeling of desperation, because you have an armored mansion at your will.”

“You used Erik’s grief to manipulate him into believing in you!” He shouted. “I’m not asking you again, where are his children?”

Agatha laughs softly, looking at your father indignantly.

"Are you listening to yourself, Howey?" she teases. "Erik switched sides, accept that."

"Nat died on our side." He retorts. "She was my friend, my ally. And she trusted us to protect the twins, you had no right to hide them!"

"They are safe!" Agatha retorts, and looks at the man with a warning expression. "And I suggest you stop making such a scandal about it, Howard! You don't want Mephisto to find out about the girl's true nature. We're close enough to defeat already."

"This isn't about that stupid legend-"

"Isn't it?" Agatha interrupts with irony. "Then why only now? It's been weeks since I took them. I know exactly what you want with the twins, Howard. You want to see if it's true, if they really can change the war." She says approaching. "I will clear that up for you then, since you clearly have no knowledge at all on the subject. A scarlet witch is worthless until she reaches maturity. If you try to take the magic from the baby, you'll just get a victim. And I won't allow that to happen."

"I wasn't going to steal the child's magic, Agatha. Who do you think I am?"

"I don't give a damn who you say you are now, Stark." She retorts."Not to you, nor to Erik, who can't make up his mind whose side he's on."

Agatha moves to leave, clearly ending the conversation. But before she leaves, your father calls out to her.

"Why are you so committed to protecting them, Agatha?" He asks.

"Natalya was my family before she was an Auror, Howard."

As Agatha leaves, the memory fades, but you and Wanda are wide-eyed, confused by the latest revision.

And the ground is shaking at your feet, and you are being pulled back into consciousness.

//-/-//-//-//

You awaken last, stretching confusedly away from the tree you had leaned against as you sat on the ground to begin viewing the memories watched with the other women.

Wanda is already getting up, to find Agatha standing peacefully looking at the mountainous landscape ahead.

"So, what are you?" she asks the older witch.

Agatha sighs softly, without looking at Wanda.

"Natalya Maximoff was born in Romania, during the witch revolution in the country." She begins nostalgically, a short smile at the corner of her lips. "I found her shaking like a leaf, less than twelve weeks old inside a box of potatoes."

You are shocked, as is Wanda, but you just listen.

"I think her mother tried to hide her. But she got caught in the middle of it. Romania was in chaos at the time, it was a real bloodbath. "She says. "I was there to fight. The English ministry provided special witches to take on a wizard, known as Kang the Conqueror."

Agatha gives a humorless laugh, sounding upset.

"If you think Faustus is bad, it's because you've never met him." She counters. "He was a master nocramanter. He created an army of the living dead, the inferi. It was the worst fight I've ever been in. But we won, and he was killed. For real this time."

Agatha looked away from the landscape to look at Wanda.

"I bonded with the child, Miss Maximoff." She says. "I could have left her in that box, and gone on my way. But I took her in my arms, and only let her go when she was mature enough for that."

"And then?" Wanda asked with emotion in her voice, looking at Agatha with tears in her eyes.

"I found out that she was a scarlet sorceress, but unlike you, she never completed her forging." The witch says sadly. "She died at the age of 20, a year before she was going to do the spell."

Wanda looks down at her feet, crossing her arms as she absorbs the whole story. Agatha thinks this is a good opportunity to keep talking.

"The war was already over when I found Natalya." She says. "The village where I believe she was born had been destroyed in a shambles. And they put her in the box, while the British aurors were doing the stakeouts. I took her with me, I didn't tell anyone." She recounts. "When she turned eleven, I found out what she was. I taught her everything I could, but I didn't let her go to Hogwarts. I kept her at home, where she wouldn't put the students or herself in danger."

You bite the inside of your cheek, surprised that Agatha was able to hide a daughter. But honestly, it wasn't that shocking.

"When she turned 16, she started rebelling, you know how teenagers are." She says. "She left because she didn't agree with the way I saw the world. And I said I would be waiting for her to come back when she realized that only I could help her."

"But she didn't come back." Wanda completed and Agatha sighed, nodding.

"No, of course not," she says. "She moved to a muggle province, and built a house. And ran away from her fate until her power got too overwhelming."

"Did you look for her?" You ask, and Agatha nods in agreement, turning her gaze to the landscape.

"With the war, I wanted allies." She says. "And I really thought I could get to the house of the daughter I hadn't spoken to in years to ask her to fight for me."

"But she accepted, didn't she?" Wanda says and Agatha sighs.

"On her terms, yes." Answered the woman. "Your mother was a smart girl, Wanda. She made me swear under the best intentions."

And it takes a moment for Wanda to understand what was really being said.

"How?"

Agatha sighs, turning to you again. "I took a perpetual vow to do what was right. What would save lives, what she considered right." She explains. "But contract magic is so encompassing. Especially when you say ambiguous phrases like do the right thing, or stuff like that. That's why I was able to get around the spell so many times. That's why it shaped itself with her death."

"That's why you can't hurt Wanda." You conclude in a sigh.

Agatha nods. "The power of the Scarlet Sorceress has always been tempting. But I would never steal it from Natalya, she was my daughter." She says. "But you were just a student. And I wouldn't mind taking that responsibility out of your hands."

"Not even if I was her daughter?" Wanda asks in a mixture of disgust and indignation, but Agatha only gives a humorless laugh.

"Don't judge me so much." She retorts. "If I didn't care, you wouldn't even be alive. Least of all your girlfriend."

But Wanda steps away, putting herself in front of you.

"You didn't do this because you care." She accuses. "You did it because of the vow. Because you will die if you don't keep your words to her."

"Maybe." She says,shrugging. "But what matters is my actions, not motivations. Actions are all that matter in the end."

"I'm sick of this, Agatha." Wanda retorts indignantly. "You think you can say some philosophical shit and get rid of the things you've done? You manipulated my entire family, and you played with my destiny. I'd rather be alone than around you."

Wanda walks off at a brisk pace, and you follow her, not knowing exactly what to do.

Agatha clenches her jaw, refusing to turn around and apologize.

Wanda begins to pack up very quickly, and you stare wide-eyed as she puts Godric's sword into her purse.

And soon you are outside.

"I told you I wouldn't forgive you if you crossed another line with me." She says. "But I realized that there's nothing more you can do besides all the bad things you've already done."

"If you expect me to apologize for keeping you alive so far, you are deluding yourself." Agatha retorts stubbornly, her arms crossed.

Wanda gives a humorless laugh, her hand interlacing hers. "I don't expect anything from you, Agatha. Even if you think it's the right thing to do, stay away from me. And especially from her."

"As you wish, Miss Maximoff."

You notice the tears in the older witch's eyes before she looks the other way. Wanda turns her face to you next.

“Think of a safe place.” She asks in a whisper, and you nod. It takes a second before everything spins around.

//-//-//-//-//

Tag list> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia || @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @helloalycia // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm // @sxfwap // @table57 // @madamevirgo // @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo // @emptysince18x // @xastrydx || @yuhloversxx || @ymzki-haruki || @wouldirunofftheworldsomeday || @lostandsearching || @lezzzbehonesthere || @musicinourlips || @chaekhan || @diaryoflife || @nervoustrack || @aquamarinescarlet || @cristin-rjd || @idamaemann || @fortunatelynerdylight || @iliketozoneout || @blackwow34 // @tiny–freak || @spongebobtentacles || @cyberbonesworld ||

[jamesbuchananbarnesslut]

Knifly Dinner

Paring: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Words: 2,967

Summary: During dinner Bucky figures out a new kink neither one of you expected to like. 

Warnings: smut, smutty, smut, kink discovery, knife kink, knife in the V, as well as P in the V, dirty talk, praise kink

Tiny Tag List: @whisperlullaby​ @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​

Notes: This is all for @whisperlullaby​ and her 700 follower challenge I love you so much, am so proud of you, and miss talking to you all the time. Either way I’m sending you all my love and an amazing knife kink discovery story. This also happens to be the longest story I’ve written yet, but that’s also no shocker as it involves one of our favorite kinks. Much love and appreciation to all of those who read, please enjoy, love, reblog, and comment! 

Master List

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You and Bucky had been together for a decent amount of time, you first met each other when the unsnapping happened. You were just trying to find another place to call home and Bucky was working with his therapist and crossing off names in his little black book. During one of his trips to cross off a name, you and he had mistakenly grabbed each other's luggage from the airport, as you both had the same bags. Although you opened your bag to find a wide assortment of men's clothes and a couple hidden weapons. Bucky opened his to find some pretty pink panties and a variety of women's clothing that surely wasn't what he packed. Thankfully there was a little tag stuck inside the bag that directed Bucky how to contact you. It wasn't the best predicament but when you and Bucky first saw each other at the coffee shop to exchange bags it was love at first sight and the rest was history.

After settling down from the events of the government putting the shield in someone else's hands and Sam being named Captain America. Bucky had bought a place for you and him in Louisiana to be closer to Sam and Sarah. Which led to a lot of time spent with the Wilson family, specifically fishing trips and family dinners. It also meant that Bucky did a lot of the cooking, not only was he better at it, but he just loved taking care of you. And you loved watching him cook the way he moved around the kitchen, how he worked with his hands and when he fed you. Which is why you were spending another night sitting at the island in your kitchen, drinking wine, and watching Bucky dice up an assortment of flavorful ingredients for his latest concoction.  

Considering this is how you and Bucky spent most of your nights it was nothing new that you were mesmerized by Bucky's hands and how he worked and moved with a knife. He was always twirling it between his fingers or delicately, slicing, cutting, or dicing up some type of food for you. It was nothing new that watching Bucky in his element turned you on. Even now just watching him you couldn't help the little pool of wetness that started to form in your panties. Or that you were already partway through your second glass of wine before he was even done cooking. It was like he was purposely putting on a show for you, cutting the food up right on the island in front of you. While he asked about your day and you about his, but you couldn't help but get wrapped up in the thoughts of what you were hoping would take place after dinner. You and Bucky had sex regularly, but every time he cooked for you, essentially taking care of you, you couldn't help but want to return the favor and take care of him.  

"Earth to Y/N, are you in there?" Bucky asks while dumping all his diced ingredients into an already sizzling pan.  

"Huh? I, uh, yeah, what's going on?" You look up sheepishly from your wine glass meeting his eye contact.  

He smirks at you, almost knowingly. "You've been real caught up in your head lately doll, what's going on with you?"  

While taking another sip of your drink you ponder whether you should be forward or play it off and ruin the surprise of a strip tease and blowjob after dinner for Bucky. Although he probably already suspects you have something planned, you always do something for him after he cooks. You decide to play it off with work being stressful, because it has been, but the slow season is about to hit so things will be easier shortly. "Just waiting for the slow season to roll in at work so I can finally catch a break," you respond.  

"Yeah, I get that honey. You've been working real hard lately and even started bringing work home, something you usually don't do. Which I'm hoping to see less of soon; but dinner should be done shortly get washed up and I'll top of your wine." He smiles at you and begins pulling the rest of his cooking out of the oven and begins plating everything while you run to the bathroom.

By the time you get back to the kitchen Bucky has everything plated and is waiting to eat with you. The rest of the dinner is smooth sailing, you power through another glass of wine, while Bucky tells you about how Sam spent thirty minutes reeling in a fish just to knock it off the line at the last-minute. In return you tell him about one of the new hires that spilled fresh coffee all over your bosses' desk and important confidential documents. By the time dinner is done and you're cleaning up the dishes, you can sense Bucky is up to something but you're not sure what. That is until you're rinsing off dishes in the sink and Bucky comes up behind you brandishing a knife at your neck. Completely catching you off guard.

"Bucky," said between gulps of air "what are you up too?"  

Pulling you in closer, he responds huskily in your ear, "now doll, I've seen how you watch my hands when I'm working. But recently I've especially noticed how you watch my hands in the kitchen when I'm using a knife."  

You can't help the little gasps that escape you with Bucky's words, he wasn't wrong, Bucky's hands were always memorizing to you. Whether he was laboring over a beautiful dinner for you, or his thick fingers were working in and out of you, it was always hot. But his hands holding a knife, and Bucky's skills with a knife, had always left you wet and wanting. Anytime he showed off those skills it always led to some form of steamy hot sex. You should have connected the pieces sooner, but it seems like Bucky beat you to the punch. Now do you own up to it and let it see how this plays out or act like he read the situation wrong?  

By the time the words come to you, you feel Bucky's confidence in the situation falter. He loosens the pressure of the knife against your neck and even begins to mutter apologies. Your words cut him off though and you fall into one of your typical submissive roles in the bedroom. "What are you sorry for Sarge? Don't you prefer when I'm more vocal with what I want in the bedroom? You must be upset I didn't speak up sooner." You state while wrigglingly further back into his arms, purposefully rubbing your ass against his crotch.  

Bucky readjusts his grip wrapping his vibranium arm tightly around you but keeping the knife loosely at your neck. "I do prefer when your vocal with me doll, so tell me what color you're on right now?"

"Green," you blurt out quickly. The dishes that were begin rinsed off in the sink completely forgotten, you just want to see where Bucky will take this.  

The knife is immediately back at your neck, pushed in enough that if you move it could nick you. "That's a good girl," he replies in a raspy voice causing the pool of wetness in your underwear to return. "Now I need you to stay still doll." He slowly drags the knife from your neck down to your shoulder blade, which sends chills throughout your body and makes goosebumps arise. From there Bucky slips the knife underneath the strap of your dress and bra, before you know it you hear the ripping of fabric, and the straps are completely cut through.

"You're doing so good for me doll," Bucky states while continues to drag the knife along your skin, starting at the shoulder of the straps he just cut. You can't help the little whimpers that leave your mouth, the combination of the knife and Bucky's words all going straight to your pussy. Bucky keeps teasing though and slowly drags the knife across your back to the other straps and cutting right through those ones as well.  

"Here comes the fun part," he chuckles. Bucky releases his hold on you just to spin you around so you're finally facing him. You meet his gaze, and his pupils are completely blown out and black, he's enjoying this as much as you are. Neither of you could have predicted adding this kink to your lists and yet here it is after a typical mundane dinner. Bucky breaks the gaze you're holding when he crouches and brings the knife to the bottom of your dress. He's meticulous in his work and cuts off every single button that's keeping you concealed. The entire process making you lightheaded and your underwear slicker with need.

Slowly working his way from the bottom of your dress up until the lingerie you're wearing for him is revealed and he can slip your dress off your arms. Which he does so immediately so he can get a better look at what you've been hiding underneath your dress. It’s a matching bra and panty set, the straps of the bra completely cut through and ruined. The set is a soft sage green covered with floral embroidered emblements, the colors complementing your skin.  

"Oh doll, did you already have something planned for me after dinner?"

You clear your throat and work out a yes while Bucky begins to run the knife along your body now that the majority if not all of your skin is exposed for him. He starts by tracing your collar bones and then dropping to follow the curves of your body. Slowly across the exposed top of your breasts, down your stomach, the cold metal leaving goosebumps in its wake. Then the knife is moved along your hips until the Bucky's worked it underneath the band of your underwear.

"You'll have to make it up to me another night, I've got new plans for us," and with that he cuts through your underwear too. It drops to the ground in pieces leaving you cold and exposed, allowing Bucky to see the glistening slick between your legs.  

"You like this though don't you doll?" Which he follows by dragging the knife back up your sternum and sliding it underneath the front of your bra so he can cut through that too.  

"Yeah, Sarge, I like this a lot," you work out in little huffs while Bucky peels the cut bra from your body.

"That's good because I'm only getting started." Bucky pushes the knife back up into your neck while dropping his lips in to kiss you. Its dirty, sloppy, and consuming. Bucky only pulls away so you both can catch a breath of air but keeps the knife close to your neck. Once you've caught your breath Bucky drops the knife and instead grabs you so he can lay you on the island where you just ate dinner. He sets you up so your feet are flat on the counter with your knees bent, giving him a perfect view of your glistening cunt.  

"Goddamn baby, I don't think I've seen you this soaked in a long time," Bucky punctuates by the grabbing the knife and sliding it along your legs now. Beginning at your ankle and working his way up towards your knee and into the apex of your thighs. Even on the cold marble countertop you can't help the full body flush that covers you. More moans and whimpers escaping from your mouth as Bucky continues to slowly drag the knife along your pussy and then along your other leg. Back down towards your knee and then to your ankle.  

"I need you to touch me Sarge," you speak out shakily.  

"But I am touching you doll," he continues to follow his path back along your leg, at the ankle, up your knee and into the apex of your thighs.

"I need more," you whine out.

"Where do you want me to touch you, be specific doll?" Bucky smirks at you.

"My pussy," you let out in huffs.  

"Do you want my hands, mouth, or the knife," he lets out calmly, as if that last option was always on the menu.  

You didn't expect the last option to leave Bucky's mouth but now that it has you can't help the deeper flush that covers your body. You can't help but think of anything else, the entire notion making you burn even hotter. You manage to stammer out, "I, uhm, Buck, I mean Sarge, please, will you use your knife to touch me."

Bucky's lets out a groan, is smirking again and then moving the knife in his hands, he puts the blade into his vibranium one and begins rubbing the handle of the blade along your pussy. "Look at you pretty little thing, always take my fingers and cock so well and now you're going to take my knife too. Going to make me cum in my pants with just teasing you honey," he rumbles out.  

After teasing you until your juices cover the handle of the blade, he moves to push it into your velvet folds. It glides in easily causing a gasp to escape your lips while Bucky pushes it in just enough that it's rubbing right against your g-spot. "Oh, that's it doll, you're gripping my knife so nicely. Want you to cover it in your juices so anytime I use it, it smells like you, and I'm reminded of this." Which he punctuates by slowly beginning to move the handle of the blade in and out of you, right against your g-spot. Your moans and whimpers now echoing through the room, while he builds a steady pace.  

"That's it doll, be a good girl and cum all over my knife and then this pretty little pussy can have my cock." Bucky states while dropping his flesh hand down to your clit and rubbing it in rough circles that match the pace that he's moving the knife's handle in and out of you. A heat slowly building throughout your body and spreading into your limbs, while your moans get louder. "Yeah, that's it, make a mess all over my knife," Bucky's words tipping you right over the edge.  

Recovering from your orgasm, you watch Bucky slowly pulls the knife from you licking some of your slick off the handle and then setting it on the opposite counter. He then begins to strip his own clothes and watches you, watching him.  

"Like what you see?" He asks while finally stepping out of his boxers and giving his cock a couple pumps.

"You know I do Sarge," you reply in a deep sultry tone.  

"Common lets take this somewhere more comfortable," he pulls you off the counter and carries you into the living room sitting down on the couch with you in his lap. What you aren't expecting is for him to pull out another knife from the couch and brandish this one at your neck as well. You knew he had weapons hidden all over the house, ever the paranoid that he is. But now that he was using them on you, it was a whole new level of hot.

"I want you to ride me doll, but while you do, I'm going to keep this knife at your neck the whole time. Meaning you better be real careful doll and take it nice and slow, that okay?"

"Yes Sarge," you let out breathily while shifting your position fully straddling him, grabbing his cock and lining it up with your entrance.  

"Such a good girl," he looks at you with amazement but keeps the knife perfectly at your neck, his other hand, held at the nape of your neck preventing any further movement, so Bucky doesn't actually cut you.  

You begin to ride him at a slow steady pace, the knife in his hands following all of your movements perfectly. Even riding Bucky at this slower pace, you can't help but feel your next orgasm already forming. A slow and steady burn starting in your core and working its way out into your limbs. You had no idea Bucky holding you at knife point would be this hot but now you can't help but think how he'll keep finding ways to incorporate it into your sex life.  

"That's it doll. Such a good girl for me, taking my cock so nicely. I know your close again already, you want to cum for me?"

"Fuck. Yes. Sarge," you work out in between gasps while working yourself up and down on Bucky's cock. The cold blade still pushed up into your neck, leaving red marks and scratches in its wake.  

"Want you to make a mess all over my cock too doll, look at you taking me so well" Bucky grunts out while your pussy tightens up around his length. The warmth in your body burning hotter as Bucky's about to talk you into your next orgasm.  

"That's it, common doll, be a good girl and cum all over Sarge's cock." Matching the pace, you've already set, Bucky begins thrusting up into you without moving the knife. His words and matched pace immediately sending you over the edge, while your moans echo throughout the room. Your sweet cunt milking Bucky's cock sending him over the edge with you. Bucky drops the knife just so he can pump his cum properly into you, pulling you tightly into him.  

Once you both catch your breath Bucky is the first to speak again, "if I knew me pulling a knife on you would make you that wet, I would have done it sooner."

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Moment In Time

Summary: Just when you've gotten out, you’re given a reason to come back.

Warnings: None

Chapter 10 - Final Chapter

******

‘S.O.S’. 

Three letters make your heart drop to your stomach. They also make you jump off your couch, practically sprinting up the steps to your room. Throwing the closet door open you go straight to the back and grab your uniform, making quick work of putting it on and grabbing your equipment before you leave. 

Making a call to one of the men in your life who wouldn’t hesitate to look out for you, Nick Fury. He doesn’t waste a second arranging the transportation you need and in little to no time you’re saying a quick thank you to him as you walk onto the jet. 

Before you take off, you send a reply, ‘omw’.

Those three letters bring a smile onto Natasha’s face. She isn’t surprised that it only took half an hour for you to reply, in fact it’s one of the main reasons she messaged you of all people. 

Looking up from the watch on her wrist, she says,“ don’t worry fellas, we’ll be out of here in no time.” 

The two members of her team in the room look over at the redhead. She has a confident smirk on her face and that makes everyone curious. 

Given their current situation of being holed up in this single room in the base of their enemy as said enemy plans whatever it is on the other side of the door, they didn’t see much reason to be confident.

Steve huffs, hands planted firmly on his hips as he continues to pace the room as he tries to form a plan. Sam picks at a thread on his pants, no doubt waiting for a plan to follow. 

But one wasn’t needed. 

It took half an hour for you to reply and another hour before you got there. 

Your presence was first made known to Natasha. Her watch vibrates and she looks down to find a winking emoji on her screen. 

She rolls her eyes, holding back a laugh and stands up, preparing to leave. 

A moment later there’s a knock on the other end of the thick metal door. 

“Please stand clear of the bombay doors.” The voice is deep but she knows it’s you. 

Not saying a word, she steps to the far side of the room. Sam and Steve both frown, but follow suit. 

A faint hissing sound is heard, followed by a small but steady flow of smoke around the door, then it creeks before falling off the hinges. 

It slams against the concrete floor and you step through the dissipating smoke. 

Your eyes flick over the three people in the room and you smile.“ For a bunch of prisoners, you look good.” You tease, eyes lingering on the redhead. 

Steve walks up to you, holding his hand out for you to shake.“ I wasn’t expecting to see you on the other side of the door.” 

“Well I’m nothing if not unexpected.” You pat his shoulder.“ Now, let’s get out of here shall we?” 

The three follow you out of the cell and down the halls, noting the unconscious bodies of the guards they were previously walked past. Sam and Steve are close behind you, Natasha behind them. 

She finds it beyond adorable how your gaze continuously falls back on her. The look in your eyes lets her know you’re checking on her. 

Very reminiscent of the first day you two met, Natasha watches you work your way through this enemy base, taking down the few guards who interrupt your path. 

You stop on the way to get their confiscated weapons back and then you’re out of the building. 

A fire fight quickly approaches. Enemies pour from the building as you escape, each of you returning fire. Not a single bullet on your end is fatal but it definitely debilitates the targets.

One glance back however, reveals a group larger than you expected. It was like watching clowns climb out of their little cars. The facility didn’t look anywhere near big enough for all those people to be inside. 

“New plan. You three move ahead to the jet, I’ll lead them away.” Instant words of protest come from the three teammates at your words and you roll your eyes.“ We can’t keep running and lead them to our getaway. I’ll be fine.” 

With no room to protest, you break away but not before planting small explosives on a few trees ahead of you. You blew the charges, the trees falling and cutting the enemies off from following the three. 

You don’t get a chance to boast about that going just as you planned, because you quickly notice a presence at your side. When you look over you’re tempted to stop running. 

“Natasha what the hell are you doing? You’re supposed to be with Sam and Steve.” 

Shots continue to ring out behind you, the hightech weapons your enemies have burn holes in the trees around you.

“Dammit.” You pull out your communicator, connecting with the jet you flew here and you’re pleased that Steve answers.“ I need you to bring the jet to me-” you pause and look to your side,“ to us.”

He doesn’t hesitate in agreeing. It takes much more running, some retaliation shooting, and a few more mini bombs. In no time you break from the tree line, a small group of enemies still on your trail as the jet lands a few feet away. 

You think you’re in the clear, your shots effectively chipping away at the few enemies who still come. But your foot is barely in the jet when Natasha gets hit. 

It’s like everything slows down. You watch her fall to the metal floor of the jet, her exclamation of pain is loud and clear in your ears, and once it’s over your heart pounds. 

Snapping back in an instant, you pick her up, quickly moving her to lay on the chairs off to the side as you shout for Steve to take off. 

You rush to grab a cloth big enough to cover her wound, then press it against said wound. 

“Hey Romanoff, keep those eyes open.” You pat her cheek, looking into her eyes as they already start to droop.

It’s unclear if she’s losing a lot of blood, the cloth doesn’t seem to be taking much on but she’s quickly drifting off as if she is.

You try your best to remain calm, watching her eyes flutter shut and not open back up despite you calling her name and shaking her. 

“Rogers, pick up the pace!” You don’t mean to shout like you do but your worry skyrockets. 

It doesn’t go away either. While it only takes a short half hour to get back to the compound it feels like forever. The wheels of the jet are barely on the ground before you’re opening the jet doors and carrying Natasha out. 

You rush her to the medbay, Dr. Cho and the rest of her team coming over instantly. She has you set Natasha on a bed and they roll her away. Dr. Cho asks you what happened after you tell her she disappears after Natasha. 

You’re left standing there, heart pounding as you wish more than anything that she’s okay. 

With nothing left to do, you step back into the designated waiting area and you sigh. 

What do you do when the woman you love is injured and rushed to emergency? You worry, and hope, and you stay by her side unless absolutely necessary that you leave.

Since the moment you landed you were right there in the waiting room, pacing back and forth while Natasha was in surgery, hoping with all hope that she’d be okay. Even after her surgery, having been informed that everything went smoothly, you were planted firmly in the chair right beside her bed once again hoping. 

You didn’t move, keeping her hand clutched in yours as you waited for her to wake up. Your worry, that had gone away when she came out of surgery, returned when she didn’t wake up. Dr. Cho said she was fine, minimal blood loss and they were able to use their fancy tech from Ultron to patch up the wound, so why she wasn’t waking up was lost on you.

As the team flows in and out of the room over the course of the passing hours, you know their suspicions regarding you and Natasha were coming to a head. 

They’d been speculating for weeks. Watching as Natasha and you snuck around. The two of you never slipped on the PDA side of things but they’d been around Natasha and you enough to notice something was up and connecting the dots became easier as they saw you at her bedside. 

It’s not until the second day of Natasha still being asleep that you leave. Steve coming in and telling you that you should go get some proper rest, freshen up, and that Peggy was asking for you. To you, the first two reasons aren’t good enough to leave but if Peggy was asking for you, you couldn’t ignore it. 

So reluctantly you do so. Heading home to take a quick nap, showering and changing, before you go to see Peggy. 

During your visit, Natasha wakes up. Wanda and Steve are in the room, chatting away as her eyes slowly open. The first thing she notices when her eyes adjust to the bright lighting is that you aren’t here. 

It’s odd because she swears you were, she could feel the weight of a hand wrapped around hers and if there’s one thing she’d gotten used to over the past ten months, it was the way your skin felt against hers.

“Wh-” she clears her throat and pushes herself up to sit, ignoring the slight tightness she felt at her side.“ Where’s Y/n?” 

Steve’s and Wanda’s gazes snap over to the redhead, their eyes widening as they realize she’s awake. 

“Nat, how’re you feeling?” Steve asks, moving his chair closer to Natasha. 

Wanda does the same on the other side of the bed, her worried gaze flicking over the woman who she’d grown to see as another mentor.

“I’m fine Steven.” She waves his question off like it’s nothing, her eyes moving over to Wanda who she assumes will answer her question.“ Where’s Y/n?” 

The younger woman frowns a little,“ she went home to rest and get clean.”

“Yeah she wasn’t keen on leaving you.” Steve adds, Natasha noting the knowing look he gives her.“ She stayed right there until earlier when I told her Peggy was asking about her.”

“And this is exactly why.”

Every head in the room turned to the door, eyes watching as you walked in with a bouquet of flowers. Nat immediately smiles, heart warming as she sees you. 

“Hey stranger.” You wink at her, finding your previous seat and laying the flowers on the bedside table.“ How are you?” 

She sighs, fingers twitching towards you as she aches to feel you touch now that she’s awake.“ I’m okay. Side is a little tight but it doesn’t hurt too bad.” 

You smile and nod,“ glad to hear it. Thought you were a goner.” You joke making her chuckle. 

Her eyes roll, a quiet laugh falling from her lips. 

The two of you keep your eyes on each other and Steve looks away as if seeing something he shouldn’t. Subtly he nods to Wanda, who has long since been aware of yours and Natasha’s relationship, and the two leave out. 

 Once they’re gone, you scoot closer. Like magnets yours and Natasha’s hands find one another, fingers lacing together and squeezing. 

“Next time I tell you to move ahead, you move ahead.” You say to her, not once breaking eye contact.

After having gone hours without seeing that beautiful green you refuse to look away. 

She shakes her head.“ We were under way too much fire, I was not leaving you alone.”

The corner of your lips quirk up at that, your heart warming at how much she cares for you.“ I could’ve handled Romanoff. What I couldn’t have handled was you being fatally injured.” Your expression shifts to something more serious.“ Not coming home with you, not telling you how I truly feel. And knowing I could’ve changed that outcome. I would’ve been crushed.” 

“That wouldn’t have happened because we had each other’s backs. We always do.” Her hand squeezes yours.“ And I’m right here. So there’s no reason not to tell me how you truly feel.”

It was a deep dive, a free fall even to try and get it out of you. Being in love with each other for ten months and not saying the words didn’t seem to make a difference when it came to you and Natasha. Not when it was shown in every action.

You both know how you feel, despite there being no labels on this or yourselves, it was clear as day that you love each other. But Natasha wanted to hear the words, almost as badly as you wanted to say them.

She watches you, the way your gaze drops for a moment and despite not seeing your eyes she knows you’re debating it. When you look back up she smiles because she sees you’re going to tell her. 

“I think it’s pretty obvious I’d been living in a limbo of sorts, stuck between my past and worrying about the future. But you, every second with you, I never once worried about those things. I’ve never felt a need to dwell in the past or worry about the future when you’re my present.” 

Her eyes roll in an overly dramatic way.“ Say the words Y/ln.”

You frown at her rushing.“ How bout you say them.” A teasing tone is in your voice, mixed with a bit of challenging. 

“Oh I will.” She counters.

“Do it.”

“You do it.”

A snort breaks through your lips and you shake your head.“ Knew you wouldn’t.”

“I love you.”

You smile, brighter than Natasha has ever seen.“ Was that so hard?” 

She drops your hand, more like throws it away and you laugh. A full on laugh, clutching your stomach and dropping your head back. If she weren’t pretending to be annoyed with you she would have smiled. 

“Hey,” you push yourself up off the chair, sitting yourself on the edge of her bed, and raising your hand to cup her cheek.“ I love you so much. And I have for so long.” 

Natasha bites her lip to hold back her grin, instead nuzzling her cheek against your hand. When the blush rises on her cheeks you pull her closer, pressing your lips to hers.

Both of you are startled out of your moment when Tony’s voice loudly proclaims,“ I knew it!”

Frowning, you look behind you to see not just him, but Wanda, Steve, Pietro, and Sam as well. 

“Eavesdropping, classy.” You say sarcastically, making to move away, only for Natasha’s fingers to wrap around your arm. 

“Lay with me.” She says and you raise your eyebrows.

“You sure?” 

Nodding, she scoots over and you don’t argue, sitting beside her and letting her press against you.“ They know now.” She shrugs, laying her head on your shoulder.

Tony nods, standing at the edge of the bed with his arms crossed.“ Yeah we do. And quite frankly I’m disappointed that neither of you told me.” 

With a quiet laugh, you wrap your arms around Natasha, listening as he accuses you both of keeping secrets. That just elicits Sam to do the same, Steve starts off on your side saying you have a right to privacy but eventually switches over as he wonders why you didn’t say anything. Wanda just smirks and laughs while Pietro questions what the big deal is. 

Admittedly it’s all very amusing and funnily enough neither you or Natasha are given the chance to answer since they all keep talking. 

While their chaotically mannered conversation proceeds you can’t help but think that at this moment in time, with the woman you love in your arms and your friends teasing the two of you, you feel happier and more at peace than you ever have.

******

Taglist: @owloftheshadows @natasha-danvers @blackxwidowsxwife @yumusak-yastik @b-5by5 @fayhar @lostandsearching @iliketozoneout @ellobruv @ecruzsalaz

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Let Chaos Reign

Chapter 4- People Of Earth

Summary: On the run from the Avengers in your search for a way off Earth, you meet some mortal annoyances along the way until a certain blue eyed human is able to find you wandering in the forest. But can he convince you to come back to the Avenger’s base with him?

Warning: action, blood, fighting, Bucky doing his best, slight fluff

Masterlist - Chapter 3

So Bucky had been thinking.

If finding Y/N was only as easy as looking at her red dot on the tracker, then damn, he could just teleport to her no problem. Unfortunately the worlds technology hasn't yet reached Star Trek technological advancements, nor can he teleport. It's been a long hectic couple days trying to find her which is starting to drive Bucky up a wall, how is she so sneaky? He can literally see her location at all times but yet she's evaded him at all costs without even trying, she doesn't even know a tracker is attached to the inside of her jacket.

And the team, they haven't been much help at all. They've decided to listen to Fury's orders and stay clear of Bucky's mission when it comes to finding the escaped demigod and bringing her back to the Avenger's base. A lot of help they are. At least Steve checks in for updates when he's not getting pulled into a training session by any particular person of the hour. Maybe the tracker doesn't even work. Maybe?

No, it's Stark made. It has to work, this problem is simply Y/N.

Bucky pulls off to the side of the road near a little park in some rural town way outside of New York City where he knows Y/N went through not even twenty-three hours ago. He opens his door, slamming it shut in frustration before taking in a big breath of fresh air. The day is slightly overcast yet he doesn't appear to mind it at all, having the hot sun blaring down upon him never feels very pleasant. Then again, maybe he's just more familiar with colder temperatures.

A crow flies down across the vacant road from him, it ignores Bucky as it jumps onto the road in order to pick at some road kill of a dead flattened squirrel. Bucky reverts his gaze when his eyes soon land upon a bent wooden telephone line further up the road where it looks like a car ran right into it. Wanting to stretch his legs for a bit and feed into his curiosity, Bucky jogs across the street and over to the area of flattened grass and wood splinters.

He observes the wreckage. Its just as he saw from farther away, a splintered post with pieces of wood spread across the grass from the impact. A couple glass chunks shimmer in the few rays of sunlight peeking out from behind the clouds. There are tire marks imprinted into the mudded ground leading up to the post, he crouches down to get a better look at the source of impact.

A dog barks in the background, its legs getting closer and closer to Bucky until a wet slobbery nose finds its way onto Bucky's right arm. The face of a golden retriever greets him as a young man races to the spot looking very embarrassed.

"Trout! Get away from the man, be nice! Be nice! He might not want your kisses!" He shouts desperately, "Trout!"

Bucky pets the friendly dog while his owner runs to their spot before standing to greet him, "He's fine, don't worry about it."

The red faced man smiles shyly, "I'm so sorry. He gets so excited whenever there's a stranger around I just don't understand it."

Bucky shakes his head, "It's fine, really. I like dogs."

The dog sniffs around Bucky's boots before sniffing the skid marks, "Oh I'm Gio by the way, sorry about my boy Trout. I love him but he can be a lot."

"Hi." Mutters Bucky, "I'm James."

"Nice to meet you..oh..Trout drop that piece of wood you nucklehead it's sharp!" The dog stops before dropping the wood, it starts sniffing around the grounds again. Gio looks at Bucky, "It's too bad what happened here, just last night too. Thank God nobody died! It's just unfortunate."

"What happened?"

Gio nods towards the splintered pole, "Some nutcase ran out in front of the guy driving and then bam, he just swerved to miss 'em and ended up totaling his car and getting a bruised collar bone. He's my neighbor. Poor guy, never got a proper look at the idiot who did it either so there's no one to blame."

Bucky's brows furrow, "No one saw who ran in front of your friend?"

Gio stops a second to think harder on the matter, "Hmm...okay wait a second Nick did say this person moved like faster then a frickin' deer. They were here one second and gone the next, right into the woods."

"Where is Nick now? Is he okay?"

"Oh yeah he's fine, just chillin' in his hospital bed for another day until his headache goes away. Guess he also got a concussion or something, some shit luck I tell you."

"Thank you, I gotta go." Says Bucky quickly before turning on his heels and jogging across the street. Leaving a very confused Gio to go run after his dog again.

There's a hefty possibility that Y/N had absolutely nothing to do with anything surrounding that crash, however, Bucky has to know. He pulls into the Westonville Hospital before Winter Soldier sneaking his way inside and now here he stands on the other side of the door to Nick's room, 213. He knocks, a man answers and says to come in, Bucky does. Shutting the door right after.

The man lays upright in bed, sipping on a juice box as he quickly locks eyes with Bucky. "Hello." Says the twenty-something year old, "You a nurse?"

Bucky could have laughed, "No. Just here to ask you a couple questions."

"Listen man, the police already got my statement. I wasn't drunk...nor on anything at the time. I don't do that shit while driving, I wanna stay alive okay?"

"Right." Mutters Bucky, "I just want to know if you saw this person who caused you to wreck."

He eyes Bucky suspiciously, "Dude are you with the FBI or something? Cause the police think I just saw a deer but I'm telling you it wasn't a deer okay?"

"What was it then?"

The man looks from the door then back to Bucky, he makes a waving motion for him to walk closer, "Dude, this was some lady. She was so fast I never even saw her till she was almost road kill...then....and you're not gonna believe me....then I swear to God, she pushed my car." Whispers Nick before nodding, "Dude that's how I went into the pole, she pushed me and I lost control and BAM! Right into a pole. Asshole, my damn car is fucked."

"Do you know what she looked like?" Nick then proceeds to give an accurate description of you and all your beautiful chaotic-ness, who's apparently still not very fond of human transportation vehicles.  

Bucky then glances from Nick still rambling about you and what a dickhead you must be, to the window showing the woods and half a parking lot. He can't let you escape him again, you might end up killing someone next time and that absolutely cannot happen.

——

Stupid men! Stupid humans getting in your way! These people are irritating and bothersome, all you wanted was to search for the Ancient One in peace. All you want is to find her and get the fuck off this planet so you can confront your brother and...

"Miss are you okay?" A scratchy voice speaks to you from the car to your left, you turn your head to meet the face of a young woman looking at you with kind eyes, "You need a ride?"

"No."

She gives you a look, your appearance is admittedly more roughed up then you would like, but it's been a rough couple days since your last shower and you're technically on the run from Earth's Avengers. "You sure? I got room in here, and a nice place to stay with food and a shower too. Just tryna be nice to someone who looks like they could use a hand." You look like you could use a hand to the face.

Your brows furrow, she reeks of too much perfume and something else, "What kind of food?" You technically do need a ride and this may be your only chance to get one somewhere away from this place in the middle of nowhere. Also a place to stay for the night would be admittedly very nice considering you've been sleeping in trees and behind people's sheds.

Her eyes light up in surprise, "Anything you want. Just tell me and I got you."

"Good."

She unlocks the door, "Come on in. I'm Ava by the way. Nice to meet you, now I hope you don't mind but back at my place I got a couple roommates. But don't worry they come and go, they won't bother you I promise." You don't believe her, but hop in next to her anyways. She looks like she could use a better friend then whoever she stays with. You can smell at least one of them on her.

She gives you a strange faltering smile when you take notice of a nose piercing; she wears a jacket and jeans, although an odd tattoo showing off some line of numbers keeps itself on her right wrist hidden by some colorful bracelets. All in all she is an attractive woman. But her car is no better then her person, the scent is vulgar and repulsive but you're admittedly too hungry to care. Too much perfume.

The ride to her apartment complex takes about twenty minutes, in this time Ava has explained to you how her favorite food, chicken alfredo, is made. She also won't stop looking at the long mirror above your heads, it's like something keeps drawing her attention but there's nothing behind the car of any important significance. Maybe that's just a human thing?

Eventually she takes a couple turns that passes more street stores, houses, and apartments until she drives near a gas station and takes a left for an apartment building of reddish brick that looks like a shitty castle.

It's nestled within the town, with its rear to a small park, oddly enough she claims you can see the city from the roof. Getting out, you watch as she shuts her door before jogging to the back and pulling out a couple groceries. "Oh hey there, can you get the waters, there's like three packs here but we can come back for them later."

You quickly walk to the back of her trunk and lean down to pick up all three waters with ease, her eyes go big, "Oh wow..okay yeah, that'll work." She shuts the back, you begin following her across the parking lot. Stomach growling.

Her wary eyes fall onto you, "So uh, you lift?"

"No."

She nods, "Cool cool, uh you from around here?"

"No."

"Okay cool, I am, well not originally...I was actually from Arizona but then I ran away when I was thirteen because my home life was pretty shit and then I met my boyfriend Jed and he took me here and..." Her face shifts into a frown before it regains it's half smile once more, "Doesn't matter now I guess, it's not fantastic here...with him. But I got a place to stay and a roof over my head and he gets me anything I want really. So it's not so bad."

You can't help but feel somethings not right with her, and this bothers you deeply, "So uh, how's your lover? Jed."

She frowns, "Oh he's nice....I wouldn't say lover I guess....and he's kinda older then me but it's fine really. You might see him, he comes and goes yunno?"

She opens the glass doors for you to walk inside, the area smells of stale air and smoke, "How old?"

She purses her lips together, "Not that much older, I'm seventeen he's just a little above that. But it works for us, he's got me a nice place and he loves me so that's nice." Her smile falters, you can tell something isn't right here but can't quite place your finger on it.

Ava keeps silent for the rest of the trek upstairs until she leads you down a long hallway to a tall white door reading A8 on the front, a small glass porthole in the center. She gets her keys out, "Try not to touch anything, he doesn't like messes okay? Just uh, follow me okay, he might have a friend here."

"Alright then. Proceed." She gives a little nod before unlocking the door and opening it up to reveal a large apartment as clean as a button, with the exception of a few tall thin glass bottles empty of all liquid laying on the short glass table in the lounging area. A large screen is on showcasing something of little importance to you.

Ava sets the groceries on the kitchen counter before racing over to the short table, "Oh sorry about the mess, please just set the waters down by the trash can. Give me a moment." You look down to find a tall thin metal can, doesn't look like a trash can but you set the three cases of water down anyways.

Standing in the middle of her kitchen she hastily rushes in to drop the bottles in the trash can, "I'll put the stuff away, do you-do you want anything?"

"Whatever gives me enough strength to continue on my journey."

"Right. Yeah okay uh we got," She opens up the fridge, "we got some burritos from last night. And fruit....a lot of beer....you don't want that. Here, I'll heat this up for you okay." She shuts the fridge and takes the assumed burrito to another square object hanging from the wall. She pops open the door before placing the food inside and shutting it.

She turns it on. "What is that device?" You ask a sit makes a strange vacuum sound.

She raises a brow, "A microwave." Voice on the tinge of humor, the microwave beeps and she soon opens it back up. "Here ya go! It's a day old so don't worry, still fresh."

She hands it to you, you look down at the warm thing wrapped in a brown paper, "Appreciated."

Your meal is well received and admittedly pretty delicious, once finished do you walk over to the giant glass window to have a look outside, you can see the tops of many trees and farther away across the greenery lays a city just as Ava had spoken of.

Maybe the Ancient One resides somewhere in there, hidden, but within the ginormous labyrinth of steel, cement, and glass. Farther down the hallway a door swings open and the pattering of bare feet is heard walking down the tiled floors of shiny white. This place really is clean, like a small palace for the mortals.

The man stops at the end of the halls archway though you don't care to look at him, "Ava who's the bitch over there? I thought Jed wasn't buying anymore for a few weeks." Whispers the man to the kind woman, Ava, who stands frozen in the kitchen.

You immediately don't like him, but stay your ground to listen, she whispers back, "She's a friend. Needed somewhere to stay for a day or so."

He walks over to her, "He's gonna be pissed when he sees your new friend here. If she's not here to sell, get her the fuck out before your man comes home tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah tonight. His trip to Vegas ended yesterday, he's on his way. Don't you know how time works?"

She shakes her head, "Guess I just forgot is all. I'll make sure she's gone."

He looks over to give you a proper once over, you can hear his heartbeat quicken, "Not too bad either. Nice ass, she looks good..real good, it's a damn shame she's not here to stay for the fun. I wouldn't mind a couple of rounds with her myself."

Your fists clench, you've had enough of this jabbering animal, "Oh really?" You turn around to watch as his eyes go wide when they take notice of the golden color of your irises, "What filth you spill off of that thing you call a mouth is repulsive and disgusting. Who are you may I ask?"

He quickly retains his swagger once again, he takes a step forward, "I'm Jed's right hand man, Antonio, I run this bitch when he's away and I don't like how you're talking to me."

"I'm not entirely fond of your existence. Leave us, I want to speak with Ava alone."

Antonio's face shows bewildered rejection, "Excuse me?"

You take a threatening step forward, "I don't believe my tongue slipped. You heard me correctly. Leave." He keeps still as a statue, mind still processing your words. Clearly no on had ever bothered to talk to him like this before.

He blinks and points a hand up for emphasis, "No whore tells me what I can and can't do in my own goddamn house!" He immediately rushes past Ava to grab something under the kitchen bar.

She gasps in surprise, "Tony no! Don't do this! Put it away she didn't mean it, she doesn't I swear! I swear!"

He walks back around to shove her into the couch, "Shut up." He throws up his arm to reveal a black hand held object that could be nothing else but a small gun, you stare at it in curiosity, expression interested and unfazed.

He doesn't like that, he tilts the gun at you angrily, "What's up now huh! You ain't telling me to do nothin' I run this fucker up in here! So you're gonna fuckin' listen to me you whore! I'll fu.." Antonio's body stiffens, his eyes go wide as saucers when he realizes he's not able to move, not able to speak.

Hands kept to your sides, you curl the fingers of your right hand to bloodbend this imbecile. Moving this hand to the right, Antonio's grasp is forced open and the gun clatters to the floor. "What are you doing!?" Shouts Ava fearfully.

"Teaching a dog a lesson."

Curling the fingers of your other hand, Antonio is forced to walk in staggered painful steps across the carpet at your will, Ava gasps in fright as she watches your little horror show. "Men don't treat their people like animals, you want to act like a beast. Then you'll be one."

His throat makes a dry crackly sound as he tries to scream when you move your hands to orchestrate a new action, Antonio is forced to his knees where he crawls like a dog across the clean carpet. A frightened man he becomes, his movements choppy and forced, body awkward and stiff as he moves on all fours. Proud of your work, you walk over to the man and crouch down to reach his level, "You see, the universe has created us all for a reason. Whether we are powerful or not, that control we have can be taken as it can be given."

He mumbles a reply that cannot be heard properly even by your hears.

"You know of your power?" He shakes his head as you smirk, "Your strength is built from fear and hatred. That is no way to find your place in the world, that is how tyrants lead."

Drool runs down the side of his mouth as his eyes look up to you pleadingly. "Stop it! You're hurting him!" Shouts Ava.

You give Antonio a pitiful look, "I know. And this creature deserves more then I'm willing him to do, but because you've gained my respect. I will release him." Standing, you flick your hands and Antonio is released from your trance. He coughs and sputters in a curled up heap on the floor like a beaten old dog.

"Pathetic." You mutter dryly as Ava breaths heavily from the couch.

"Wh-what are you?" She whispers, "Are you a witch?"

"No. But I am someone who is done with this place." You give her a respectful tilt of your head, "Ava, I thank you for your hospitality, but I must leave." She watches as you take one last look around the room before walking towards the closed door. Turning the handle you're prepared to exit when she screams. "Antonio no!"

Boom!

The bullet stops three inches from the back of your head, whipping around to face your assailant, he fires two more rounds as you halt the bullets in their tracks. He registers what's happening and quickly chooses to pull the trigger again. As a plethora of steel flies your way, you raise an open palm that causes them all to freeze in place.

The room goes deathly silent before Antonio takes a single step and you've sent all five bullets straight through his vulnerable flesh. Blood flies across the walls as he slumps to the ground while Ava gasps in terror, too afraid to make a sound.

You frown, gaze set on Ava, "I'm sorry I had to do this in front of you. He gave me no choice, but I think this loss will not be mourned over." Your golden eyes flicker back down at the bullet ridden body, "A quick death is more then he deserved. So long Ava, be brave."

The door opens.

"What the fuck happened here?!" Speaks a man most certainly in his late thirties as he sets something on the ground, "Who's this bitch?"

Ava's expression shifts to fear as you let out a tired sigh, eyes set to the man you know as Jed, "An old friend." ——

Crouched down by a river, you rub off flecks of blood that dissipate into the murky water like forgotten memories. You just wanted to eat and rest a while as you gathered your thoughts. But here you are, you've killed two humans and have damaged a couple busses in the process of it all. Not to mention that one car the other night...at least that man kept his life.

This realm is complicated and busy, there's not enough wilderness to hide in and there are certainly too many prying eyes that can catch you with their small square devices easier then you'd like. Thankfully Ava had not seen your rampage on the internet so she wasn't able to instantly recognize you. Then again you weren't wearing your armor.

However your eye color certainly doesn't aid you in finding a way into the city close by, that's still too far for your liking, people will undoubtedly stare. At this point you don't trust a single soul, and anyone close enough to see your face would most likely report you to the authorities in an instant.

Your goal has been thwarted one too many times and that shit does not fly with you one bit. Find the Ancient One, have her open a portal to your realm, and from there kick your brothers ass. It's all very simple, well at least it should be. Stupid Midgardians.

Hrrrrr Hrrrrrrrr! A loud horn blares from within the woods to your back right, twisting around and standing at attention, your fists emit flame when a huge lumbering mass of metal rolls through the trees practically making the ground shake.

It sounds like a tiny thunderstorm, you've never seen anything like it except for when you where in Norway but that vehicle was significantly smaller and less loud. "God this place is insufferable." You mutter, annoyed by the less then peaceful atmosphere of Midgard.

So far you've evaded the watchful eyes of the Avengers for the past three days and have gotten nowhere on your quest for vengeance. And now this thing just adds to your stirred up pot of frustration.

Taking a breath, you decide to wander through the trees until you've found the tracks where that metal vessel was drawing its power from, oddly enough the steel bars attached to plates of wood does not give off energy. Strange.

Figuring it must be the vehicle itself, you sway your mind from pondering the idea as your thoughts drift to that of home and the necklace hidden around your neck. This valued object was your dying mother's, a heirloom of your linage, and a damn powerful piece of jewelry.

But your brother and his wicked ideas, he wanted to use it for his grant thoughts of tyranny and power over the nine realms. A fool, no one could ever claim such a feat, no place needs rules like such from one being calling all the shots. It's madness.

It's insane.

Shaking your head, you keep following down the tracks as you listen to the sounds of cars in the far off distance. Birds chirp and flutter by while minding their business in the forest, although you could have sworn you heard a soft thud in the dirt behind you. A shuffle of stones maybe?

A deer perhaps? No, this is no deer; halting your trek to the city, you place your hands upon your hips before slowly turning around, "I'd expected as much. You are a clever man after all....Bucky."

The dark haired man greets you with a shy grin as he stands there off to the side of the tracks, dressed in casual attire like that when you saw him in Norway. He seems genuinely happy to see you, "I wish I could stay away." Replies Bucky in a playful tone, "But you've killed two human traffickers and I gotta make sure you don't hurt anyone else. Even if they deserve it."

You scoff, "I could end your life right now if I wanted to, kill all your friends next and then burn this world to ash and dust trying to get what I want. No matter the cowards I've killed."

He shrugs, "That sounds harsh. I'd rather you didn't actually, kinda like being alive." He's such a smartass in the best way, yet you hold back a smile to keep your noble aurora about you.

"Fair point I suppose. This Earth may be greatly flawed, but I have no qualms with the people here but that of my own business."

"Right. Your own business, finding the Ancient One and dealing with your brother and all that stuff." Nods Bucky, "Y/N, you know we could help you..."

"I don't need it! I'll find my way through this planet myself.  Alone!" You shout, causing the trees to creak and moan from a surplus of wind that blows Bucky's hair about. He knows what you're capable of, but he has to try and persuade you anyways.

He looks almost apprehensive to approach you, "Y/N please. I know we all got off on the wrong foot, probably by a lot. But my friends are good people, we want to help you find what you're looking for. I promise you that." Says Bucky with a pleading look, "No lies. I promise."

You give him a conflicted glare as you think of your options; he found you somehow, he legitimately wants to help, and you desperately need a way off this damn planet. Maybe they do know a way, maybe they'll actually be able to help you, maybe Bucky is truthful?

He goes to take a step forward when you throw a hand out, "Stop." He keeps still as you take a breath, "Bucky, you give me your word?"

"I do."

"Promise!"

Raising his hands up, he gives you a sincere look, "I promise Y/N."

Taking a long moment to think over his words, you finally nod, "Good." He watches as you walk across the tracks until you're within a couple feet of him, he swallows, unsure if you might have just lied and are about to set him on fire. Instead he's relieved when you gift him a tight lipped grin, "Fine then, let us leave this place."

"Awesome.....yeah, okay good...well I'm parked back that way. We can just walk on the tracks instead of through the woods. Easier that way." He takes a couple steps back the way you came, when you don't move does Bucky stop and reach a hand out for you to take, "I'm not going to hurt you Y/N, I promised I'd help you remember?"

"I haven't forgotten." You quickly answer him.

"Good because I intend to keep it." He smiles softly, beautiful stormy blues focused all on you with a gloved hand ready for you to take.

You shake your head before walking past him, "Fine but I'm not shaking your hand."

Bucky chuckles to himself as he watches you practically swagger down the side of the tracks away from him. Quickly does he break from his staring trance to jog over to your side. The two of you walk for a little ways in complete silence until you glance over at him when your curiosity gets the better of you. There's just one tiny question you still need answered, "Well, how'd you find me?"

Bucky holds back a grin, "Your pocket." He points down towards your jackets pocket. Giving him a look of confusion, you reach down and feel inside for whatever he's on about, suddenly your fingers touch something round and metal attached to the inside wall.

Taking a hold of this odd device, you tug it loose before bringing your hand into the open, "What the hell is this?" You ask.

Bucky reaches out to take the object from you, he holds it up, "This. Is a tracker."

"That thing? It's like a thick coin, how does it manage to do such a feat?"

"Technology, radio waves. It's not my design, but with it I was able to follow where you went. Granted you're more elusive with your traveling then I'd first realized, but it did it's job...and now I'm here."

"Yes, now you're here. Maybe you really are braver then I first thought, or just a plain fool. I could have stuck to my word and killed you." You snap your fingers, "Just like that."

He chuckles, "I had a feeling you wouldn't."

"Oh really? What made you assume I would be merciful?"

"When we met for the first time in Norway, and later at the base. You didn't hurt me, well I guess I should say you didn't try and squeeze the life out of me. Or set me on fire.."

"I set your jacket on fire." You point out as he smiles.

"You did. I liked that jacket too." Muses Bucky, "Still, you let me live both times. Even let my friends live too, Y/N, I don't think you're so bad at all."

You hum in thought, "Your words are kind and humbling. But I do not feel worthy of such claims." He has no idea who you are, what you've done. So much he doesn't know.

Bucky frowns, "Why not?"

"I have done nothing but add more chaos to this realm with my existence here, I have been betrayed and for that I was filled with rage taken out on innocent people living their lives. I want to be worthy of what you say I am, but I am not." His heart hurts at your valiantly honest words, if only he could understand completely.

"Believe me Y/N, you aren't nearly as bad as you think you are. There's been way worse people throughout history here before you ever showed up."

"I believe your words though my personal occurrence's chance to lessen these people compared to what I have done centuries ago. Do not misinterpret all of what I speak, I understand there are always beings harming others for their own sick pleasure, however I did not frighten for enjoyment. Quite the opposite."

He could just about give up his metal arm forever just to know what the hell you're talking about. What kind of life did you live before all of this? Bucky soon takes out a small square device with his one gloved hand, "I trust your word on that. And hopefully we're able to help you...I just gotta get us a ride out of here first." He turns on a black screen and slides his finger across to unlock, "I have where I parked pin pointed via another tracker."

"You don't recall where you've come from?"

"Yeah, I mean no..no, I do remember the direction I came in, it's just I was running so fast to find you I forget exactly where my car is. Don't worry this will only take a moment."

Holding back a grin at the way he muddles around on that screen of his, you divert your gaze elsewhere to look around at the trees and other various greenery spread about as usual on a planet such as this one. It's fascinating, almost like that of your home world in Vanaheim. How you miss that place. The vast mountains spread throughout the landscape, huge lumbering trees taller then the cellphone towers you've passed, and great skies of blue where dragons fly at will.

Suddenly a stick cracks in the trees to your right, you turn while Bucky pays little attention, a crow flies out and into the blue sky it goes. Easy now, just a bird, nothing more. The wind picks up for a second and you can almost catch the scent of sulfur when a ball of fire erupts from the trees ready to kill.

The spherical flame screams towards you and Bucky, who's by now dropped his phone onto the tracks, "Y/N watch out!" He shouts fearfully, hand gripping onto your shoulder as you keep a strong fearless stance to the approaching flame.

Throwing a hand out, you divert the ball into the gravel where it bursts like a small firework, rocks flying everywhere as you stand at the ready for whatever happens next. "Y/N! What the hell was that!" Shouts Bucky.

"A scout. I think one of my brother's loyalists found me."

"A scou..." Another ball of flame soars towards the two of you and then another right behind it as you maneuver your body to deflect each of them in quick succession when out of the scorched trees does a smirking woman reveal herself. Her smile is proud and wicked, taller then Bucky she stands and impeccably strong she appears.

She wears armor closely resembling your own, but instead of blues, silver, and white. Her armor is black and red, silver replaced with shimmering obsidian as she walks into the evening light. Her eyes flicker gold like your own, she tilts her head at you, "Princess Y/N of Vanaheim. An honor to meet you, truly." She bows with mockery, you immediately despise her.

"What dog is this who speaks to me?"

She grimaces, "Aüla, master of flame, Phoenix of Vanaheim, I am here to bring what stolen jewelry lays upon your neck. What belongs to King Leyondros." She points a sharp nailed finger to your neck, "That, is a house Lavpranthus family heirloom."

"You think I was born yesterday? That incompetent tyrant who dare claim himself as king does not deserve what treasure I possess. He is barely a brother to me now, and you, what business do you serve?"

She smirks, gifting Bucky with a wink as she wiggles her fingers with flame, "He's sent his best out to find your whereabouts since he's exiled you. I just happened to be lucky enough to land on Midgard where wouldn't you know it, here keeps the banished Princess herself. I couldn't be more fortunate." She opens up her palm like a needy child, "Now Y/N, the object I so desire."

"You will die trying."

She holds up a threatening fist of hot flame, "I will be bathed in riches! I will be loved! King Leyondros will welcome his champion with open arms as I present him with the necklace stolen by his traitor sister! With grand tidings of her annihilation!"

You share a dark look with Aüle as you step in front of Bucky, "I do not care to know what bargaining from the beasts of this realm you made to find me. And I certainly do not care for the false promises my brother has warped into your mind, you cannot take my life and you cannot have this necklace."

She calls flame into both hands, "Then I'll take it off your burnt corpse!" She thrusts her hands forward causing a burst of hot orange flames to shoot like dragon fire straight for yourself and Bucky.

Anticipating this action, you create a wall of your own fire that shatters her advances, you turn to the wide eyed brunette, "Bucky forgive me for not handling this sooner. I hadn't realized she was here."

"It's fine." Mumbles Bucky, chest rising and falling with heavy breaths as he stares fearfully at the angry woman spewing fire at you still.

Focused back on Aüla, she suddenly begins creating whips of flame that crack and slash at the air. She throws a whip towards Bucky but you're able to deflect it easily, in retaliation of her advances, you thrust a burst of dusty wind knocking her backwards.

She tumbles across the gravel like a discarded sack of potatoes, jumping gracefully down from the high point of the tracks, you land nearby this hellfire spawn who staggers to her feet. Rubbing the dust from out of her eyes, she coughs, "Foul play Princess, I should have guessed you'd cheap shot."

"You still believe you're leaving here with my necklace?"

Leaving her charcoal stained eyes be, she opens her palms to flame, "Well I certainly don't intend on perishing at your hand. I will get what I came for."

You throw a quizzical look, is she insane? Not wanting to ponder her mental stability, you use the gravel to crawl it up to her knees where it fuses and roots itself into the ground, she flails her arms trying to regain balance. Angered by this, Aüla clenches her fists, tightly hugging them to her chest as she concentrates.

A small orange glow emits from the center of her chest before she screams while opening her arms to the sky and with that her whole body erupts with flame like that of a Phoenix reborn. Tree branches and leaves alike are burnt and singed nearby while her anchor is melted.  Aüla levitates freely now, body a mass of hot flames as she stares furiously down at you with eyes of black charcoal.

"Behold the Phoenix! Now you will obey by law of the one true king!" Fire is thrown like thin arrows towards your face, again, easily deflected into the gravel below.

She chuckles darkly, thrusting a hand of intense flame that causes you to fall backwards across the ground. Pushing yourself up by the pads of your hands, she takes this vulnerable moment to race after Bucky with wings of fire.

Face contorted like a melted candle, her arms open wide as she prepares to embrace Bucky to the flames. Jumping up, you bend your arms, moving them in opposite directions on a linear path to conjure some type of protection. Aüla slams into an enchanted force field of dark blues that sends her flailing backwards like a bursting firework.

Regaining her balance, she levitates, scowling in disgust, "You? Would protect this mortal man?"

Your gaze falls onto Bucky, he's standing there, expression fearful and wide as he looks at you desperately. You take a step forward, "I will."

"But why? He is nothing compared to you, to us, he's simply an insect on a leaf."

"He is someone who has showed me more kindness in the last couple days then some of my own people have in the past hundred years!" You shout furiously before using your magic to paralyze her like you did with Wanda and Vision.

She struggles to move but all efforts are unfruitful, "Do not! Don't. You. Dare!" She screams as you take another fearless step towards her, raising your hands in a beautiful fluid motion, her obsidian irises flash with terror.

"Aüla, Phoenix of Vanaheim, I admire your efforts and valor. But I am not so merciful when my life as been threatened, as someone of these nine realms with some type of authority still. I, Y/N Lavpranthus of Vanaheim, condemn you to die." Your golden eyes flash with a noble flair of judgment while your hands sway like subtle waves on a beach.

"No. No. Nooo..." Her screams are eradicated when a burst of water consumes her entire vessel, she sizzles and smokes as you draw the river water away to reveal nothing but discarded broken armor. She never even noticed you were doing this.

As a plethora of water dissipates into steam from where she once stood, more liquid fills through the cracks in the gravel while you slowly wander over to the dark spot stained onto the center tracks. Kneeling down, you pick up an obsidian gauntlet cracked down the middle curve. "Who was that?" Asks Bucky from behind you.

"One of my brothers scouts. His best fire-bender.." You study the intricate markings that dance like vines around the metalwork, "..a phoenix in human form."

There is a long pause before he asks, "Why are you being hunted Y/N?"

You sigh, head bowed to the earth, "It's a long story."

Bucky frowns down at you, he's not sure what to do, but he knows you're deeply troubled by whatever events have led you to this point. A comforting hand rests upon your shoulder, "You don't have to tell me now. But I think we should go."

Dropping the broken gauntlet onto the dark stained wood, you stand, "Perhaps you're right. Who knows what else lurks in the shadows waiting to pounce. I'd rather not have you injured on my behalf."

Bucky shares a lopsided grin, "Appreciated. Now come on, I know the way home." Directs Bucky as the two of you begin walking down the tracks for wherever he speaks of.

Maybe these people aren't as bad as you'd first thought, unfortunately there are still evils that are desperate to find you. Until that time comes again.

-

Tagged:  @buckylokisimp​ @diegos-butt​ @minigranger​ @bibliophilewednesday​ @holyhumorliteraturelight​ @lilacs-lavender​  @a-girl-who-loves-disney​ @bizarrebibitch​ @starkssnarks​ @vikingqueen28​ @jmstz​ @thehornytitties​ @staygoldsquatchling02​ @cleverzonkwombatsludge​ @mischiefmanaged71​​ @noragracebrewer​   @atomicpersonacheesecake  @thescarlettvvitch @shawnartmendes​

[billiejeanenthusiast]

Boobiegate masterpost

We know what they did this summer - and oh boy, was a it a wild summer that - unfortunately for us - stretched into autumn and beyond any reason.

I will first go over everything as it happened and then - because when you look back at everything you realise some timelines overlap - I’ll try to clarify some stuff and put it into perspective.

NOTE: I’m writing the dates from a GMT time zone point of view (aka. UK time)

So let’s start from the beginning. 

Briana breaks up with Brody Jenner after dating him for some random attention seeking period. (June-September roughly)

Here’s an article talking about that irrelevant relationship. https://www.yourtango.com/2020334835/who-brody-jenner-girlfriend-briana-jungwirth-louis-tomlinson-baby-mama Now let’s fast forward a bit to September. 

September 23rd

So on September 23rd we’re flooded with articles about Brody and Bri breaking up and Bri getting back together with her “on-again off-again (boy)friend Nick” and the biggest surprise “BRI IS ENGAGED”

So the story is: 

Bri ended her relationship with Brody because “they were moving too fast” and he had “already met Freddie” 

She then gets back together with her on-again, off-again bf Nick Gordon 

She, her family, and Nick go on a “whirlwind” trip to Las Vegas (MIND YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC) 

Bri and Nick get engaged during those Covid inviting few days in Vegas (September 21st- September 23rd) 

Articles drop about how they’re engaged and she’s broken up with Brody (Sept 23rd) 

Bri, family and Nick all share a huge amount of Vegas pictures of them in love, Bri’s ring, Bri and Nick being a couple (pictures obviously taken before Vegas to hopefully make someone believe that this in no way is a whirlwind engagement after just knowing each other a few weeks. Did they convince anyone? Well if you are convinced - I’m worried for you) 

Here’s the tmz article:https://www.tmz.com/2020/09/23/brody-jenner-split-briana-jungwirth-engaged/ Here’s some pics of them we were all subjected to while they were in Vegas. And Nick’s new public profile when it just got made. Was he trying to start an influencer career and say goodbye to being a firefighter? Was he trying to get a night job taking off that all firefighter gear for money? Magic mike was a big movie after all….Who knows.

September 28th

At first the engagement pictures on Nick’s IG were just him and Briana and he used the #/shesaidyes. After a few days and probably after they realised it would be a smart move to acknowledge her kid she claims to have too (👀) he deleted those and on September 28th posted new pictures with a new caption and new # of course. This time “theysaidyes”.

The pictures are below.

But, moving on.

As soon as the engagement news drops, we have Nick - our “good-guy firefighter” making a new and public IG account, flooding it with pictures where he professes his love for Bri and soaking up the d-list association fame.

So in the coming weeks we get a lot of Nick, Bri and their families on IG. They post a lot about being constantly together.

What was the most interesting they really pushed the “dad” image on Nick. He was constantly posting about Freddie and even in Bs or Tammi’s stories he was always seen interacting with F the most.

Then after it seemed like the new fiancees had settle into their soon-to-be married life and everything seemed rosy for them - we get hit with the whammy BOOBIEGATE.

Because hell hath no fury like a sugar daddy scorned.

October 15th

On the 15th of October celebtm a gossip site, posts the next picture and caption on IG:

Basically, they’re saying a guy - his name unknown yet - contacted them to tell them how Briana scammed him out of money she borrowed to get a boob job. Specifically 5k USD. He claims he filed the case in court and it’s dated January.

They ask if anyone else has similar receipts or anything about her and that they’re investigating and will be writing a story. And the comments have a lot to say about Bri.

October 19th

4 days later on October 19th celebtm posts another IG update about how they have the court filing and how their article is in progress.

October 21st

2 days after the last IG post celebtm finally posts their article - on the 21st of October

https://celebmagazine.com/louis-tomlinson-briana-jungwirth-sued-over-boob-job/

(It’s on the web still - if it ever gets deleted let me know I have screen recordings of it)

The article is accompanied by this (below) IG post:

Also on this day we get Briana and Nick deactivating their IG profiles. Nick still kept his personal private IG and the only person who stayed public is Tammi.

October 22nd

A day after the article dropped there’s another IG post with the following picture and caption. Apparently, Sugar Daddy shared his receipts - specifically AmEx - with celebtm.

October 26th

On October 26th celebtm posts the second part of the article. It’s messier, with a more confusing timeline than the first, but tries to “spill” more details on Sugar Daddies relationship with Briana and her life in general.

Also by now we know his name - Michael Strauss. An investor in Warwick club in LA.

https://celebmagazine.com/louis-tomlinson-baby-mama-briana-jungwirth-double-life/

(Again this is the link - if the article gets taken down and you want to see it - DM me)

October 27th

Then a day later we get another IG post - no new article - just more excerpts from what the Sugar Daddy told celebtm.

Then it’s quiet for a few days and when you think this can’t get even more trashy - low and behold the circus that is called October 29th.

October 29th

So after a few days of silence celebtm strikes again, but this time they bring in TV’s most loved judge - Judge Judy. Apparently the TV show was willing to take this litigation and air it as an episode.

As always, they post an IG post and a caption, and the article mentioned in the IG caption below is basically an article written for clicks about Louis and Harry because they saw the larrie part of the fandom was getting them clicks. I’ll leave the link to the article here for documentation purposes, but honestly there’s nothing in there worth giving them clicks for. Not a thing. The title of the article is “A Complete Guide to 1D Members Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles’ Rumoured Relationship”

Article: https://celebmagazine.com/louis-tomlinson-harry-styles-relationship/

November 6th

We see the sudden return from social media exile of Bri to IG. She’s back - with a post and the description ironically saying “I’m back”. I refuse to post it because does anyone really want to look at her face-tuned selfies? 

November 9th

Then after weeks of radio silence, the return of Bri to IG, we get what is apparently the - very underwhelming - like Bri’s boobs to Sugar Daddy who never got to see them - conclusion to this Sugar Daddy drama. This following article which is basically a letter from Michael to Briana telling her how he’s giving up on the lawsuit, taking this as a life lesson and how he hopes no one else falls for her scams. Article below:

https://celebmagazine.com/michael-straus-briana-jungwirth-open-letter-to-one-direction-louis-tomlinson-alleged-baby-mama/

(Again this is the link - if the article gets taken down and you want to see it - DM me)

And of course - the article is accompanied by an IG post by celebtm.

So, here we currently are. After watching that circus show no one wanted not paid for (well except the Sugar Daddy, and he didn’t even get to see the thing he paid for - so sad.) we’re in November and the Jungwirths and company are back to their carefree posting on IG. 

Current status:

The lawsuit seems to have been dropped. 

Everything seems to be in process of being swept under the rug.

Nick - the loving fiancee - is back to IG too. All of his happy, loving pictures with Bri still up (some deleted) - so we must assume their love survived Boobiegate.

As for overlapping timelines:

The timelines overlap mostly during the months March-October with it being said Bri dated Brody, but was also taking money from Boobie Daddy who was helping her during the pandemic, and was later also apparently starting a serious relationship with Nick.

What actually went on - I don’t know. And I’m honestly not interested to find out. This is being mentioned just so anyone coming across this post knows that yes - you didn’t read it wrong - the timelines do overlap with different people saying different things and Bri being tied to all three men at those times without any real clear timeline for the relationships.

So far this is all there is to this mess. If there’s more - I’ll do a part two or addition.

I’d like to end this with saying - these masterposts are 95% just me making them for myself because I forget stuff, and so much goes on in the fandom that if I want to keep up with it all, I need a nice timeline for things. I’m posting this for anyone wanting to make sense of this circus too or just to put it into a timeline. I did fact check all the dates, posts, IG pics, links and so on - but mistakes can happen - if there is one feel free to let me know.

[bosspigeon]

i left a little something on the table for you

Saints and Sinners isn’t the only club in Vapolis, but most of them have the same or similar protocols, to varying degrees of diligence. Still, everyone should know the game by now, no matter where they go. It’s all the same general gist: check your ID, check you for weapons, get the cover charge, then send you in to get wasted and be stupid without the threat of a disembowelment on the dance floor.

Most people don’t want the trouble. They just obey the rules and leave their weapons at home or in their car, though plenty of others do try to conceal a piece regardless, and either let the bouncers confiscate it to give back when they leave, or kick up a fuss and get thrown right back out the door. If they do manage to slip under the radar, most people have the sense to keep quiet about it.

Coyote Knox isn’t most people.

The merc’s clothes are almost always pretty shredded, and Jax knows him well enough by now to know that, while he does wear them like the damage is all intentional, most of it isn’t. It means he’s rarely fully clothed, which makes it pretty easy to pat him down and send him on his way, with several shiny new knives for the trouble.

Well, some of them are new, anyway.

Some of them still have blood on them.

This time, it wasn’t Jax at the door. It should be his night off, and while he usually has better things to do with his free time than hang around the place, Orla wanted him to pop in for a brief consult for some job coming down the line.

He goes to the bar for a quick drink before he heads out, the crowd parting around him like water the second they see who he is, flags down a bartender, and waits.

And then he hears that loud fucking mouth.

“It’s not the size that matters, babe,” Knox is saying, his voice a rough purr. He never smells like tobacco, and Jax has never seen him smoke, so he’s not sure where that rasp could come from, but it’s there regardless, like vodka and broken glass. “It’s what you do with it.”

“Uh-huh,” the bartender laughs indulgently. Jax can’t remember their name, but clearly they know Knox well enough to be comfortable with him. Speaks to their mental state, he supposes. “I still think you’re compensating for something.”

He knows he’s going to regret it, but Jax turns his head to the left, and it’s easy enough to see Orla’s rabid pet merc even through the crush of people vying for the attention of the bartenders darting about like bright dragonflies in neon and mesh.

He’s sitting on the bar with his heavy boot propped up on a vacant stool that several people are eyeing with furious envy, but none are brave enough to try for, considering the little bastard is twirling around a bowie knife like a fucking baton.

“Compensating for what, doll?” the masked merc chuckles, leaning back on his elbow. He’s practically lying across the bar, head tilted back, choppy hair hanging down as he smiles winsomely at the orange-haired bartender who twists nimbly around him to top off glasses and gather orders like they’re used to his bullshit. “I know what I’ve got and how to use it, I just feel like it never hurts to have plenty of options at my disposal.”

“Let a bouncer catch you waving that thing around, and I’m sure Orla will remove a few of your options for you.” The bartender clears some empty glasses from the bar and drops them by a nearby sink, taking a clean shaker to begin mixing cocktails.

Jax is off the clock. It’s none of his goddamned business. He drums his fingers against the sticky bartop and immediately regrets it, scowling and wiping his hand on his jeans. They’re expensive, but at least they’re dark. He can have them cleaned later.

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” Knox croons, sitting up and raking back his hair. Someone leaves their drink alone for a second, and he snatches it up and knocks half of it back in one go. Disgusting. “I know when to test my luck. I nicked the bouncer rotation from her office last time I was in. Jaxxie’s not on duty tonight, so I’m in the clear. The other muscleheads know not to fuck with me if they’d like to keep their own options intact.”

It’s a good thing Jax hasn’t gotten his drink yet, because he’s pretty sure he’d slam it down on the bar and shatter the glass.

“I’ll have to have a talk with them, then,” he snarls, loud enough to be heard over the noise, and to make the people around him clear the hell out.

The bartender yelps and nearly drops the shaker.

Knox just groans. “Speak of the devil.”

Jax pushes off the bar and stalks through the crowd, and saints and sinners alike practically throw themselves out of his path. Knox doesn’t move from his graceless sprawl across the bar, though he does sit up a bit to watch. His bright yellow eyes track the bouncer’s every move, his pierced lips kicking into a smirk.

The bartender, predictably, makes themself scarce.

“You must be stupider than you look,” Jax says, crossing his arms across his chest.

Yellow eyes flicker down to the open vee of Jax’s silk shirt, and that lazy smirk spreads wider. “Mama always told me smarts weren’t the way to catch a husband anyhow,” he drawls. He taps the tip of the blade against his temple like he’s imparted some deep wisdom and takes a pointed sip of his stolen drink.

Jax curls his lip and doesn’t deign that with a reply. “Hand over the knife, and I won’t throw you into traffic and tell Orla she’ll have to pick up a new poorly-trained housepet from the pound.”

The merc’s quick, Jax will give him that. In the blink of an eye he twists the knife away and arches off the bar, slipping it into some hidden sheath behind his back. He also manages to do so while slurping down the last of his stolen drink, and sliding the empty glass down the bar for the original owner to find. He wipes his mouth with the back of one hand, before he raises them both and wiggles his fingers so the rings on them click together. “You must be mistaken, Sir,” he simpers, fluttering his eyelashes, “I don’t have any knife. I’m an upstanding citizen, and I would never disobey the rules of this fine establishment!”

A frisson of something shoots down Jax’s spine, but he chalks it up to anger, because that’s generally what overwhelms him when he has to see this smug little fuck’s face. He can’t be that useful to Orla, the way she bitches about him.

But he’s still around being a thorn in Jax’s side, so he must be good for something.

It shouldn’t be his problem. He’s off the clock. But he knows Orla would find some way to blame him if Knox got out of hand while Jax was around to stop it. So he grabs the merc by one stout shoulder and starts carting him towards the doors.

Knox, to his credit, doesn’t struggle. What he does might be even more annoying, cackling like a madman and blowing a kiss up at Jax. “Baby, at least buy me dinner first!” he crows as they carve through the crowd, stumbling a bit to compensate for Jax’s much longer stride.

The two bouncers on duty leap out of the way when Jax shoves him through the doors, and the look he gives them both has them cringing away. They must be some of the new hires Orla mentioned. “We’re going to have a talk later,” he promises grimly.

“Oh, don’t be too hard on them, Jaxxie,” Knox coos. His mask is slipping off, and he fumbles to peel it away and toss it to the ground while being dragged along by the arm, “they don’t know any better.” He laughs again, grating and sharp, and he keeps laughing until Jax hauls him out the door and lets him go so suddenly he goes staggering into the hood of someone’s car. Thankfully, the car doesn't seem to have an alarm. Knox raps his knuckles against the dented hood and raises his eyebrows, apparently making the same observation. “Noted,” he says wickedly.

“Next time, I won’t be so gentle,” Jax snarls, the back of his neck still prickling at the nickname.

Coyote flicks his tongue out, wiggling the split prongs, the silver ball embedded in it catching the dull light of the dirty street lamp overhead. “Ooooh, do you promise?”

As far as Jax is concerned, the problem is handled. He gives the merc one last withering look, eyes narrowed and lip curled, before he stalks away to find his own car and get the hell out of dodge before he’s roped into more nonsense. Knox’s raspy cackle follows him the whole way.

He’s halfway home when a sudden, niggling suspicion tickles at the back of his mind. He waits until he’s at a red light to pat down his waist, which feels notably lighter than it should.

“Motherfucker!” he snaps when he realizes his gun isn’t there. He’s not the type to lose things, especially not important things.

Orla warned him on day one the merc had sticky fingers, and he didn’t listen, thinking nobody would be stupid enough to try him.

A part of him, though, is sort of… grudgingly impressed. How’d the crazy little bastard manage to take it? When?

Jax drags a hand over his mouth and grumbles to himself. He’d shake the truth, and his damned gun, out of the merc next time he saw him, no matter what.

A rough voice that sounds suspiciously like Knox croons in the back of his mind.

Sounds like a date.

[anagentinwriting]

Lifeline - Part 18

Summary: (First Responders!AU) Moving to Los Angeles and living with your brother, Thor, was never part of your plan nor was being a 9-1-1 dispatcher, but plans change when you are faced with your own emergencies. In your case, it was leaving behind a relationship that wasn’t as perfect as it seemed. Will this be the fresh start you were hoping for or will your past find a way to catch up with you?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Odinson!Sister Reader

Word Count: 3800+

Warnings: Angst, blood, violence

Lifeline Masterlist / Main Masterlist

After receiving information from dispatch about the location of Billy’s cell phone, Thor called in an anonymous tip to Fury’s team, but instead of waiting around, Nat and Thor pulled onto the interstate, following the cellphone south to San Diego. 

Thor stared out the window, resting his elbow on the window railing with his chin in his hand. “I’m sorry, Natasha, for acting like a jerk earlier. I know you were doing your job and following orders. I would’ve done the same.”

“We’ve good,” Nat replied, giving him a once over. “You doing okay?”

“I keep thinking everything will be okay, and everything will work out--” he rubbed his eyes “--but um, I don’t know… I don’t know what we are going to find when we get there? Is she gonna be mad at me, is she going to be hurt, is she gonna be…” Thor took in a sharp breath, clearing his throat. “Billy threatened to kill her once before, you know, and he almost killed Steve. I’m afraid of what we are going to find.”

“Don’t think like that,” Natasha reassured, patting him on the shoulder. “We’ll find her.” She bit her lip, nodding to herself for her own reassurance. “YN’s strong…and with everything she went through, she rebuilt her life and herself. Billy might have her, but I have a feeling he has no idea who he is dealing with now.” 

Thor nodded, “If Billy lays another one of his grimy hands on her, he will suffer a fate worse than death. He’ll be…”

“More dead?” Nat asked, trying to contain a chuckle in this highly stressed situation. 

“Yes, but I was thinking more like being stuck in rush hour traffic for the rest of his life,” Thor smirked, trying to keep the conversation light. 

“Oh yes, that sounds so much worse.”

_____________

“Where are we going?” You questioned, sneaking a peek at Billy, gripping the steering wheel. 

“We’re starting over. I’m saving us from this tricky situation you put us in.”

You leaned back into your seat, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “Right, because everything is my fault,” you grimaced, rolling your eyes. “Why don’t you get it over with and kill me? I mean, isn’t that your plan.”

“WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,” Billy retorted, widening his eyes. “I can’t imagine my life without you. Why would I want to kill you, YN; I love you. You’re all I have.”

“But, that’s it, you don’t have me,” you mumbled, wringing your hands together. “I just never got a say in the matter.”

He huffed out a breath, shaking his head. “What’s with this attitude?”

“Well…what more do I have to lose? I lost my friends and family…like yesterday, and now, you’re all I have,” you admitted with a shrug. “It’s what you wanted, right? Me and you, both ghosts, living in the shadows, or did this car come with new identities, too? Oh wait, is that what’s in the duffle bag in the backseat?”

“Why would you think that?” He narrowed his eyes, licking his lips.

“Well, a creepy guy with a scar and milky eye drops off a car at a gas station. Now, doesn't that sound like the start of a bad joke? I mean, he definitely didn’t look like a criminal or a bad guy in his dark suit, and his name sounded so original, Agent Orange. I think I know a few people by that name.” You pressed your lips together, tilting your head. “On the other hand, if he looked like a dad, wearing crispy white boys on his feet, jean shorts, and a polo shirt. It would have been an immediate red flag.”

Billy smirked, shaking his head. “Luckily for you, you don’t have to worry. I have our lives all planned out, but I did miss your snarky attitude. Whatever happened to it?”

“I will give you a hint,” you leaned over the center console, “if you look in a mirror, you could probably spot the reason.” 

“Touche,” He added, cracking a smile, making the corners of his dark eyes crinkle. He gently grabbed your hand in his, sending an unpleasant shiver through your body, and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of your hand. You tried not to make a face as he lowered your conjoined hands back onto the center console. 

“I want you to know it isn’t going to be like this forever. We’ll get past this like we always do. I will forgive you, you will forgive me, and we’ll start over in this new city, meet new people, and create a whole new life for ourselves.” He squeezed your hand. “You can forget about the life you created yourself because you're never going back to that. This is our chance to start over...together.” 

____________

Nat pulled up behind two other police cruisers and a Chrysler 300 Black Sedan. Thor jumped out before she could get it into park and jogged up to the Chrysler but was stopped by Fury's hand. 

“Thor, for what do I owe this pleasure?” Fury asked, his one eye-widening, looking him up and down.

“Is she here? Is my sister here?” Thor gulped, looking past Fury to try and get a better look, but the officers were retreating away from the vehicle. 

“No, she’s not.” Thor’s shoulder sank, letting out a breath. “But, I assume you were the one who called in the anonymous tip.”

“Me… anonymous tip…no, no, that doesn’t sound like something I would do.” He shook his head while Nick stared him down.

“Odinson, I listened to the tape, and it sounded just like you.”

“Did it? Huh?” Thor rubbed his chin, staring hard at the ground.

“Seeing it will be better if we just work together at this point. I want you to know that we were able to recover the video surveillance from your sister's home, and we can confirm it was her husband, Billy Russo.” 

“I told you this. I told you the night it happened.” Thor shook his head. “And it’s her ex. Ex-husband,” Thor corrected, placing his hands on his hips. “So what…we have nothing now?”

“Russo is smart and is playing his moves carefully. He knows what he is doing, making all the right moves, but he'll mess up, and when he does, we will find him.”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less from him given his background,” Nat stated, coming up to stand next to Thor. “Are we even sure this is the right vehicle?”

Fury narrowed his eyes at her, raising his voice. “Believe it or not Ms. Romanoff, but we do know how to track a phone and find a vehicle.” She smirked at his change in attitude. “And for your information, there was a 911 call placed earlier this morning from a gas station near San Diego. A mother and daughter found a note with YN’s name, Russo’s name, the vehicle description, and the license plate number. It said to give this information to the police. This would explain how Russo’s phone ended up in this car.” Nick pointed over his shoulder at the Chrysler. “YN made a smart move, but Russo must have pulled a fast one on her and switched cars at the last minute, so it doesn’t do us much good right now.”

“Did they see YN at all? Was she okay? Was she hurt...”

Fury held up his hand, and Thor shut his mouth. “Yes. The woman mentioned her looking a little beaten up but seemed hopeful.”

“When I find this bastard, I am going to…” Thor bit his tongue, clenching his fist and punching it into his palm. He mumbled to himself, shaking his head, stepping away from them.

“How’s your friend in the hospital? Any word yet?” Fury asked Nat, who narrowed her eyes at the scene behind him.

“He’s in recovery now. They're keeping a close eye on him.”

“Good.” Fury’s eye caught on to Thor’s unexplainable gestures while he paced back and forth. “What would you say about getting your friend a bulletproof vest; he looks like he could do something reckless.”

“I do have an extra one in the cab; I’ll give it to him for safe measure.”

“Excellent.”

“Since this is the correct car, who is the man behind the wheel? Any connection to Russo?” Nat questioned, staring at the black sedan. Thor returned, giving Nat a reassuring nod.

“We haven’t looked into much yet, but his name is William Rawlins. He is the COO of Cerberus and says it’s a company vehicle but doesn’t know who used it before him. He checked it out to run a quick errand over his lunch break, but we are headed back to his office now to look over the record logs.”

“What’s Cerberus?” Thor asked, looking between Nat and Nick for more information.

“It’s a security firm in San Diego, but I think they have different branches all over the country now. It protects public officials, and they also have a private investigating sector that started up a few years ago. I was on a case with one of their ‘agents’ as they call themselves, and he was an asshole.” Nat informed him, Nick nodded in agreement.

“Sounds a lot like Anvil,” Thor added, rubbing a hand over his scruff. “If this is a company vehicle, then someone must be helping Billy. For all we know it’s this Rawlins, and he’s playing us.”

“As much as we want to speculate at this point, it’s too early to tell.” Nat shrugged, and Fury nodded.

“Why would Cerberus remind you of Anvil? What is this Anvil?” Nick inquired, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh, it’s a security firm Billy works at in New York City. He’s in the private investigating sector there.”

“Is there any reason to believe that Anvil is a branch of Cerberus?” Nat raised a brow at him, and Thor narrowed his eyes, processing the information.

“If there is a connection between the two, this could be it,” Nick answered.

_____________

You sat back in the passenger seat, opening up the glove box, seeing a map of California, New Mexico, Nevada, and Arizona. “Where is this new home of ours going to be?”

“You’ll see,” Billy replied with his elbow resting on the door and his head in his hand.

“What are you going to expect me to do? Am I going to get a job, or are you going to make me stay at home and be your trophy wife?”

“Would that be a bad thing? It’s not like you liked being a 911 dispatcher.”

You swallowed, wringing your hands together. “But, I did.”

He scoffed, shaking his head.“You like being in the action, getting dirty in the line of duty, and seeing it first hand. You don’t like being behind a desk, waiting to answer a monitor every time a call comes in.”

“I might not be where the action is, but I am still helping people. I might not see them or get to meet them, but I’m here to help them with whatever they are going through. Using your voice to help is hard, but sometimes that’s all people need to hear to put them at ease and give them a sense of safety.”

“Hmmm, okay,” he snorted, smirking into his hand. 

“You have to give me something.”

“I don’t have to give you anything,” he grumbled, running his hand through his hair. 

“Well, how do you expect me to trust you again if you don’t tell me what’s going on?”

He licked his lips, a slight smirk tugging at his lips. “Trust me; You want to know how you can trust me? That’s rich because I could ask you the same question. Can I trust you?” 

“You don’t have to trust me, but don’t you think I should know what we are getting into. Shouldn’t we at least have a plan once we get to where we are going? People ask questions, Billy, and don’t you think it would be a good idea to figure it out before we get there?”

Billy remained silent, gripping the steering wheel tight. He licked his lips, scrunching up his face enough to form a crease on his forehead. “Do you think I’m an idiot? How do I know that if I tell you, you aren’t going to use the first phone you find to call someone.”

“You don’t,” you answered with a shrug. “But you’re gonna have to trust me a little eventually if you want to make us work again.”

He glanced between you and the road, fighting a battle in his head. He clenched his jaw, letting out a defeated breath. “You’re right; you’re always right.” He licked his lips, shaking his head. “I’m giving us the fresh start we both need, and everything we need is in the bag in the back.”

You turn in your seat, reaching for the bag, and put it on your lap. You unzip it, staring at the contents inside. A rubber band was wrapped around new Arizona IDs and new passports with new names on them. A container with an assortment of keys and enough cash that could get you through at least a few months. 

You reached into the bottom of the bag and pulled out three framed pictures of you and Billy. One of you posing and smiling at each other when you first started seeing each other, another one of you at the wedding altar saying I do, and the third, standing close to each other on your honeymoon with the ocean behind you. You swallowed, staring at each one. They were supposed to bring back happy memories, but it only brought back the nightmares this relationship turned into. 

“It’s not a home without a few personal touches, right?” Billy shot you a warm smile, and as much as you wished it was sincere, you knew it wasn’t.

“Right,” you breathed, putting everything back and tossing it in the backseat. “So we are moving to Phoenix, then what?”

Billy raised his eyebrows. “We’re going to lay low for a bit until this mess dies down, and I can trust you again.” He throws you a quick glance, rubbing his gauze-wrapped wrist where Cosmo bit him. “Then, once we are a happy couple again, I’ll be taking on a new position at the Cerberus Phoenix branch.”

“What do you expect me to do once we are a happy couple again?” You bit your lip, feeling a lump rise in your throat. 

“Let’s not get into specifics right now.” He reached over and grabbed your hand.  “I want you to focus on forgetting about your life in LA and everyone in it. They’re not important anymore. It’s you and me, together forever, like we always planned.” He nodded, squeezing your hand for reassurance. 

You gave him a quick nod, fighting the tears threatening to escape. You turned your head to look out the passenger side window. The world outside was becoming a blur, and you were stuck inside with Billy, and there was no way to get out. He had a solid plan that left little room for error. Once they arrived in Phoenix, you wouldn’t exist anymore; Billy wouldn’t exist anymore. You would disappear, and those you cared about would be left wondering. Wondering if you were okay; wondering if you were even still alive; wondering how they let this happen to you. You blinked, feeling a few tears escape down your cheeks as you swallowed back a sob. Your friends, family, and Steve were gone, and right now, you might as well be too. 

____________

The police unit pulled into Cerberus, following the Chrysler through the electric gate and up the short drive until they came across a facility beyond the gate. It was a modern building, heavily secured and well secluded from the main road. 

Fury and Nat walked behind Rawlins while Thor stayed towards the back, taking everything in. He readjusted his bullet-proof vest underneath his shirt and sweatshirt, trying to get used to the tight feeling around his upper body. He didn’t want to wear it, but Nat insisted.

Inside the building, everything had white and gray tones to it from the furniture to the walls. Everything looked pristine and clean, almost like they were hiding something. Thor smiled at the lady behind the front desk, causing her to blush. He continued following the rest of the group up the floating steps to the second floor to an office at the end of the hall.

Fury and Nat began questioning Rawlins, sitting behind his desk. Thor stood off towards the back of the room, half-listening and half scanning his surroundings. If something was connecting him to Russo, he wasn’t going to talk about it; instead, he would have to search for it. 

His office looked like every big wig’s office he’d seen in the movies.  Floor to ceiling windows, showcasing a beautiful view of the trees on the property. Another wall was lined with artwork and a few bookshelves, filled with books that were probably more for show than actual reading. Thor’s eyes traveled to the walls behind him, noticing a bunch of framed photos hanging on the wall in sort of a college way. He took a step closer, noticing how each frame had an engraved plate under it, stating what branch of Cerberus it was and its location.  

“Would anyone else have access to company vehicles?” Fury asked with his pad and pen in hand.

“No, only company employees.”

“Does that include employees from other branches of Cerberus or just current in-house employees, so to speak.”

“Nope, all employees from any branch are welcome to a vehicle as long as they have proper ID,” Rawlins answered, leaning back in his chair. “Who is the young lady that is missing? Maybe one of my teams can assist you. We don’t do many missing person cases, but we are more than happy to help.”

“Oh no, that won’t be necessary,” Fury replied, holding up his hand. “But, we do have reason to believe you know the captor.”

“I’m sorry.” Rawlins looked taken aback, and in some ways, offended. “But this is news to me. I have many employees, so you will have to be more specific.”

Thor read off the frames one by one and glanced at every single picture. He needed to find a connection so he could find you. He clenched his jaw, reading the plates: Vistacorp, Arizona; Vancorp, Texas, and his eyes stopped on the next photo. He didn’t even need to read the plate to know it said Anvil, New York City. He narrowed his eyes at the picture, seeing Rawlins shaking Billy’s hand, and he had that stupid smile on his face that could win everyone over. 

“His name is Billy Russo.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t recall anyone by that name.”

Thor growled, tearing the picture off the wall, starling everyone, and marched across the room. “Don’t know him, then why are you shaking his hand in this picture,” Thor shouted, throwing the picture on the desk. 

“Oh, look at that he works at the New York branch.” Rawlins scanned the picture before placing it back on the table. “Why are you including me in this accusation? I don’t have anything to do with him or this abduction. I didn’t even know he was in town.” He sat up straighter in his chair, folding his hands together, and placed them on the desk in front of him.

An officer opening the door pulled everyone’s attention away from Rawlins and to the female officer. She handed Fury a piece of paper, whispering something in his ear. Fury nodded, dismissing her. He unfolded the paper, reading what it said before folding it backup and stuffing it in his pocket. “It’s a bit funny how this picture is saying one thing, and you’re saying something completely different. It’s like the picture is lying, and you are telling the truth. I don’t know what I am supposed to believe.”

“I am telling the truth. I have had no contact with--” he pulls the picture back to him “--this Russo since this picture.”

“Then, why was Russo the last person to check out the car, and according to this, he has yet to return the vehicle back to this facility. So how did you check the car out at noon if it wasn’t even on-site?”

Rawlins sat on the other side of the table, staring blankly at the three of them. He licked his lips and tilted his head at them. “Huh? How about that?” He let out a dark chuckle, shaking his head. “Well, I honestly thought it was going to take you longer to figure it out, Detective Fury, but you surprised me. All of you did.” He pointed to each of them, his sinister smile never faltering. 

“Where is she?” Thor growled, leaning over the table mere inches from Rawlins's face.

“That’s the thing about Billy,” he licked his lips, challenging Thor. “He is sneaky and quiet. He can hide in plain sight, is fast on his feet, and knows just the right time to strike. If you haven’t found them yet, you aren’t going to. They're both gone, and you’re going to have to live with the fact that you failed her.”

Without further hesitation, Thor punched him straight in the face and knocked him to the floor. Thor slid across the desk to find Rawlins, clutching his broken nose as it bled into his mouth. Thor grabbed him by the collar and punched him again when an officer rushed over and dragged Thor off of him. Thor grunted, pushing the officer into the wall with his nostrils flaring. He headed right back for Rawlins, but Nat stood in his path, pushing on his chest and forcing him to stop.  

“Forget about him. Don’t listen to him, Thor,” Nat commanded. “He’s not worth it; put this energy into finding YN and Russo, and then take it out on him.” Thor stopped in an instant, giving her a quick nod.  

The officer that held Thor back went over to Rawlins and put his face down on the hardwood floor. He started reading him his Miranda Rights and slipped the cuffs around his wrists.

“You’re lucky only your nose is broken, and both your eyes don’t match, asshole,” Thor threatened as Rawlins was escorted out of the office. 

“Feel better?” Fury asked, standing up from his seat.

“No,” Thor answered in a gruff voice, leaning against Rawlins desk and crossing his arms across his chest. “He’s right, you know…Billy is good at hiding. I mean, we didn’t even know he was following her.” He ran a hand down his face. “He does this for a living. Reads crime scenes, follows the evidence, finds suspects, and solves cases. He knows what we are looking for and makes sure to drive us in the opposite direction. He is good at what he does and probably even better at making someone disappear.”

______

 AN: Thanks for reading Part 18! Just when you think they have something to go on, they are one more step behind. Thor sure did sack Rawlins pretty good though, but he did deserve it. And it's a good thing Rawlins was slacking on his paperwork, or maybe he just didn't have time to change the name to who checked the car out! 🤷‍♀️ On the plus side, at least they were able to track Billy's cellphone (the wrong one, but it was something), they know about the note she left in the gas station, found 'the other guy' but still got nothing...or do they?! 🤔 Not sure if any of you understood the crispy white boys reference, but it's usually the white tennis shoes dads wear on their feet! It's an Instagram reference me and my friends use all the time now! 😂😂 I will say she is getting more confident and seems to be pushing all the right buttons to get information from him, but he isn't giving much away. And can she trust him enough to know that he is telling the truth? The plot thickens...as always thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome! 

[imaginingsoftly]

Apartment 352 Pt. 2 - Erik Johnson

Type: strangers-lovers

Requested: no

Warnings: blood, cuts and scrapes

A/N: Hopefully this redeems Erik a little bit for you guys :)

Day two of unpacking was marginally better than the first, if only because Emma’s giant of a neighbor hadn’t been around to witness her trip on the top step yet again that morning. She was still nursing a slightly sore and bruised knee a few hours later, when the next big dangerous task came up; hanging a couple of pictures. The task itself shouldn’t have been dangerous, but the frames were big enough she was going to need to stand on a chair to hang them up high. Emma took a deep breath, hauled up the heavy frame, and took a step onto the chair.

It took seconds for things to go wrong. Her back foot caught on the arm of the chair as Emma stepped up, and she immediately slipped sideways into the shelf right next to her ribcage. The frame smashed on the wall, and Emma felt pain in her forearm as a shard of glass nicked her.

There wasn’t time to do anything except brace herself. The shelf crashed to the ground, taking the ugly-ass plates from her aunt and a framed picture of her best friend with it. Emma wobbled on the chair, but kept her balance. “Shit,” she mumbled to the wall. Shards of glass from the picture frame and pieces of the ceramic plates littered the ground around the chair, and the radius of the shards was too far to jump. There was maybe enough space for her to step around them, but in bare feet Emma wasn’t looking forward to the prospect.

A pounding at Emma’s door almost made her fall off the chair. A muffled voice came from behind the door. “You good?” She heaved a sigh. Of course Erik would be the one to find her like this.

“Door’s unlocked! Come in!” He was inside before she’d even finished talking. It took a full ten seconds, she counted, before he moved from the entryway. Emma shifted uncomfortably on the chair as he took in her appearance, from her bare feet to the disheveled mess of her hair. It was only when he looked in the direction of her legs that she realized they were bare except for where the hem of her oversized t-shirt just covered her underwear. For approximately the thousandth time since she’d met Erik, Emma cursed her clumsiness. She shifted uncomfortably as Erik continued to stand completely still. It wasn’t until she began to step down from the chair gingerly, looking for a safe space to put her bare feet, that he moved.

No giant should be able to move as quickly as he did. Erik took three long strides to reach her, glass and ceramic crunching under his sneakered feet. “Don’t you dare.” His words were a warning, and Emma froze. Huge hands, warm and strong, slid around her shoulders and behind her knees. Erik lifted her into his arms gently, and she automatically clenched her arms around his neck. “Angel, I think I’m gonna have to wrap you in bubble wrap to keep you safe.” Erik’s voice, low and gravelly as it was in the moment, rumbled through his chest and Emma could feel it against her torso where their bodies touched. She wasn’t even going to think about the way her stomach fluttered at the nickname.

Erik carried her clear of the mess on her floor, only placing her on the ground once they were several feet away. For a split second it felt like he pulled her tighter into his chest, but then her feet were on the ground and he was stepping back slightly. “You okay?” Erik’s hands settled on the tops of her arms as he spoke, and his eyes scanned her body quickly. She opened her mouth to confirm that she was fine when his gaze settled on her forearm. “Sweetheart, you’re bleeding.” Emma looked down, and sure enough the nick she’d felt was actually a sizeable cut. Blood ran down her arm at a slightly higher volume than a trickle. It probably should have been more concerning than it was, but Emma’s thoughts were more on the fact that Erik hadn’t ever actually called her by her name. It was always ‘sweetheart’ or ‘angel’. Come to think of it, maybe she hadn’t ever actually told him her name. Who does that? He had been in her apartment, for fucks’ sake.

“Where’s your bathroom?” Erik’s voice cut through her thoughts, and Emma pointed mutely. He caught the hand on her good arm in a gentle grip and pulled her across the living room. “C’mon. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Emma felt like putty in Erik’s hands as he moved her around, gently lifting her onto the counter and maneuvering her arm under the faucet. The water ran pink, and Emma closed her eyes. Of all the things to defeat her, it just had to be blood. A cool hand settled on her cheek as her brain went a little fuzzy. “Hey. Stay with me sweetheart. You good?”

Emma shook her head. “Don’t like blood,” she rasped through a bone-dry throat. “I’m okay.” The cool hand slipped from her cheek to the back of her head, and Erik put gentle pressure there.

“Lean on me. Don’t look, I’ll clean you up.” Emma followed the press of Erik’s hand, leaning her forehead into his shoulder. “Atta girl. I’ve got you.” His voice rumbled through his chest, and Emma felt it where her shoulder and good arm touched his side.

Any of the lingering irritation she’d felt towards him over yesterday was gone. If anything, Emma now had a soft spot for her next-door neighbor. “It’s Emma.” Erik’s hands stilled from where they were rinsing out her arm for a split second before starting up again. “I just realized I never actually told you my name.”

The sound of a bottle opening and liquid splashing registered seconds before Emma felt a slight sting on her cut. “Emma.” She shivered at the sound of Erik’s gravelly voice saying her name. “Short and sweet. Suits you.” She felt his smile against the top of her head. “I don’t think you need stitches, but I am going to put a band-aid and some bacitracin on this. Don’t want you to get an infection or anything.”

Emma nodded into Erik’s shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Erik said nothing as he finished patching up her arm, but then she felt an arm come around her back and tug her torso closer into Erik’s chest. “Don’t mention it, Angel. Just promise me you won’t hang things barefoot anymore?”

That was an easy thing to agree to. Emma nodded. “You keep seeing me at my worst,” she mumbled into Erik’s chest grumpily. At this rate, he was going to see her drastically injure herself by the end of the first week. She stiffened against his chest at the thought. What was next? A grease fire? Falling down the stairs? Cutting a finger off while cooking?

Her doomsday thoughts were interrupted by a slight tug on her hair. “Hey. Your thoughts are so loud I can practically hear them. If this is your worst, I’m almost afraid to see how incredible you are at your best.”

Emma leaned back to see Erik smirking at her. “Are you flirting with me?” His smirk became a full-on grin.

“Been flirting with you the whole damn time, Angel, you just didn’t catch on.” Emma gaped at her neighbor as he stepped back, instantly lamenting the loss of his warmth. “Now that you’ve got that figured out, dinner Saturday?” She cocked her head at him choosing a day three days in advance, and he shrugged. “Figured I’d be a good guy and let you get settled before I sweep you off your feet.”

That was it. Emma barked out a laugh, and Erik looked far too proud of himself. “Yeah, Casanova, you can take me out Saturday.” Not that she’d ever let him actually get somewhere with her. She slid off the counter, and Erik was immediately there with an arm out to steady her when she stumbled slightly. As infuriating as her new neighbor was, she couldn’t help but find him adorable too.

He walked out of the bathroom, and Emma took a second to settle her legs before she tried to walk. The blood really had thrown her off, and she needed to take a couple of deep breaths. By the time Emma made it back out into her living room, Erik was already picking up the large chunks of glass littering her entryway. “You don’t have to-” Emma stopped when he held up a hand.

“I don’t mind helping you clean this up. Besides, some of this stuff has blood on it. I don’t want you to get woozy and step on glass.” His words were slightly domineering, but also sweet. “You’re still barefoot; can you grab me your vacuum without stepping near the glass?” Erik glanced backwards at her, nodding when she gestured in the direction of her bedroom. “Grab that for me, and then I’ll get out of your hair.”

Emma took a deep breath as she stepped into her bedroom. It had been a long time since she’d had anyone looking out for her, especially a potential romantic interest. Her last boyfriend hadn’t even cared when she spent a night in the hospital, let alone if she stepped on a piece of glass.

She stepped back out of her room with her vacuum in hand. “I can vacuum this stuff up, Erik, you don’t have to worry about it.”

Erik looked over from where he stood by her trash can and pinned her with a glare. “I said I’d help you clean this shit up, and I’m going to do what I said.” Emma opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a hand. “I know you don’t need my help and you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself, but I want to do this for you.” His face softened. “Sweetheart, in the two days I’ve known you you’ve fallen up the stairs at least once, taken out a shelf, and sliced the shit out of your arm. It seems like you’re having a rough week, and I want to make it a little easier. Can you let me do that?”

Damn him, he was saying everything right. Emma sighed, her shoulders slumping in defeat. He smiled gently and reached out a hand for the vacuum. “Thank you, Angel.”

She stood back and watched Erik vacuum up the area around her chair, carefully lifting the chair and the corner of the area rug to make sure he got everything. He even wrapped up the cord when he was finished. “Thank you,” Emma mumbled. Her neighbor flashed a smile in her direction before stalking towards her.

“Saturday.” He ran a thumb across her cheekbone, smiling again. “Try not to end up in a hospital or anything before then, yeah?”

Emma smacked Erik’s arm as he let out a bark of laughter. He was still laughing as he strode towards her front door, and Emma could hear him chuckling to himself even from the hallway.

[iamanartichoke]

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

I need to talk about the Avengers. 

I just want to express how much I hate that the Avengers aren’t on the hook for all their time travel nonsense bc they were “supposed to” do it and Loki is on the hook bc he wasn’t. 

I mean, I am glad that they addressed it right away - that Loki was inadvertantly caught up in the Avengers' time meddling, and that apparently they were doing what they were supposed to and that's why none of them were on trial, but - there are two things going on here that I have issue with. One is, of course, the scapegoating of Loki once a-fucking-gain, but the other is that there's a legitimate problem inherent in framing the Avengers' deeds as The Right Thing So There Are No Consequences, especially because it directly leads to Loki (and only Loki) being scapegoated since, apparently, someone's got to answer for all of this. 

Why Were The Avengers Supposed to Undo the Snap?? 

Of all the possible options they could have gone with (such as reversing time back to just before the Snap happened), going back through time to gather the stones and use them to undo things five years later is, like, one of the worst?? Best case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously incompetent in managing the sacred timeline and worst case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously adept in managing the sacred timeline, if their goal is to have it be the worst possible timeline anyone could end up in. 

The Avengers may have done an arguably good thing in undoing the Snap - I don't disagree that those people should've lived - but they also royally fucked over a lot of things in the process and left Earth (and presumably many many other worlds) in total post-Snap chaos while fucking off to die be with their families and/or start new lives. 

This goes back to the plan itself. One of my many issues with Endgame is that not only is the plan convoluted and, frankly, stupid, but also I have a real problem with the concept of the Avengers just saving the world as they see fit, regardless of whether or not that's actually the best thing to do. (If the Russos hadn't done such a shit job with explaining what the Accords were actually supposed to do, then maybe this could have been addressed somehow - like, okay, together we may have the brains and resources to carry off this plan but does that mean we're the ultimate authority on whether or not we should? Maybe we should check with, like, the UN or something about this? [and it’s entirely possible the UN was mentioned and I have forgotten it bc I’ll be honest, I watched Endgame once and have bitched about it ever since.] I digress.) 

The narrative in Endgame and into the MCU beyond plays like the Avengers only care about saving the world when they stand to personally gain from it (they want their friends and family back, they want to feel like they didn't fail, they have unilaterally decided that what they want is the Best Thing for everyone) and once the Good Deed is done and the smoke clears from the battlefield, there's no concern with saving the mess of the world they created. 

TFatWS addressed so many of the problems with the post-reverse-Snap, which implies that the MCU (both in-universe and out) is aware that things are fucked up now. People's lives were literally ruined by what the Avengers did. Refugees are displaced. Humans are coming back to a world where they've been dead for five years and their loved ones have moved on and their homes have been sold and their bank accounts have been closed and they have no jobs. And that’s just on Earth. Yet no one (again, both in-universe and out) feels the need to hold the Avengers accountable for any of this. 

Plus, what about the people who died as a result of the Snap but not from the Snap directly? What about the planes that fell from the sky when the pilots turned to dust? The cars that crashed and collided when the drivers poofed? Etc. Like, fuck all of those people I guess? 

And who, exactly, is "supposed to" clean up the Avengers' mess now that the actual Avengers are either dead, old and living on the moon, or retired? Is it on Sam's shoulders alone (or, rather, Sam and Bucky's)? Is Peter Parker (yknow, the 15 year old Nick Fury went and recruited bc there was no one else) supposed to be fixing things? 

The TVA takes responsibility for none of this. They sit back in their nightmare DMV-esque office and claim that all is as it should be but my question remains: please explain to me how the outcome of the post-Snap universe is ultimately satisfactory to anyone besides the Avengers? 

There's also the fact that Loki figures out right away that the Avengers were engaging in some time travel shenanigans ("the cologne of two Tony Starks is hard to miss” lmfao Loki you snarky shit). Loki recognizes that there's been an opportunity created of which he can take advantage, but he isn't responsible for creating it. The Avengers messed up and created that opportunity so, even if they were supposed to be doing what they were doing, there are still no consequences for the fact that they made a mistake that allowed Loki to then branch off and create a new timeline. 

Let's also say that we accept that the Avengers were supposed to undo the Snap exactly as they did. Okay, sure. BUT: 

- Was Steve, then, also supposed to decide to fuck back off to the 1940s and marry Peggy (which created two Steves, right? The one who was married to Peggy all along and the one who was in the ice?? The TVA is just okay with two Steves?)? 

- What is the actual point of Stephen Strange having the time stone and using the time stone both to gain the advantage over Darmammushumuuyourmom (I’m sorry, I can’t remember his real name) and to look at all the possible timelines to figure out how to defeat Thanos? 

- How is it possible that there are 14 million potential timelines in which the Avengers failed if the TVA’s entire thing is that there can only be one true ring timeline to rule them all? The fact that Stephen can look ahead and determine so many outcomes based on the choices they're making would mean that people do have free will and that their actions aren't automatically dictated by what's “supposed to” happen. They had to make the right choices in order to get to the one timeline in which Thanos failed. 

- What’s the point of Stephen having to protect the time stone, anyway, if there are presumably a few others in Casey’s drawer?

- On that note, if there are a lot of infinity stones hanging around in the TVA’s desk drawers, what makes the original six the specific, correct ones that Thanos had to collect in order to pull off the Snap and why is it then those specific six the ones that the Avengers had permission to go back through time to get in order to undo the Snap as the Timekeepers intended?

- And actually, in fact, if there’s only one sacred timeline and anyone who fucks it up without permission gets “reset” (aka made nonexistent, along with their timeline branch) then, again, why does Stephen have to protect the time stone? Either anyone who steals it was supposed to, or their timeline gets eliminated and the theft ceases to matter. 

- Less significant but also still kinda significant is how Agents of SHIELD figures into all of this. The TVA knows that Loki killed Coulson but they don't know (or don't care?) that Coulson was brought back to life and proceeded, with his team, to go on and get heavily involved in time travel and going back and forth and bringing people from the past into the present? So the TVA is okay with Daniel Sousa leaving his timeline but not with Loki leaving his? 

... I have literally confused myself with all of this, so if anyone followed my train of thought here, congratulations and maybe you can explain it to me lmao. 

But here's my ultimate point: the sacred timeline that the TVA is tasked with maintaining is not sensical or linear. It's full of gaps and holes and people taking matters into their own hands to determine both their own fates and the fates of others. As a result, a lot of people suffer kinda needlessly based on the events in said timeline, and apparently it's perfectly fine for all of this nonsense to occur so that everyone else has some element of control - 

- but Loki is literally the only one who is told uh, actually, no, you are supposed to live a shitty life and die a pointless death and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it bc it's supposed to happen. 

What in the actual fuck kind of logic is that??? 

Thus, either the TVA (and the Timekeepers) are grossly incompetent, or else they're extremely competent and also really fucking shitty beings who just enjoy the needless suffering of others. 

And somehow this is all Loki's fault!!

And then Mobius has the fucking audacity to say, to Loki's face, “you only exist to prop up everyone else and you, Loki Odinsonson Laufeyson mischief god and king of space lol, do not have any inherent worth or value as your own person. You were born to be a scapegoat and you will die a scapegoat and there's no getting around that, if we have anything to say about it.”

To quote Loki, in a very twisted way - yes, it's funny. It's absurd. 

Does, uh, does this make sense? At some point I crossed over from meta-writing into straight up ranting and so, well, here we are.