#and also because i used to get bullied for my appearance/how i dressed

[velvetvexations]

My early socialization experience was weird as hell.

My mother wanted a daughter to treat like a doll with all the extremely gendered nonsense that entails - and was also a second wave radfem and former political lesbian, which...yeah she was half all in on the gendered shit, but also half in weird denial about it. My dad...is the one I got my auDHD from, and the result was that he raised me exactly the same way his parents raised him - which was also very gendered, but he didn't notice that. He didn't notice how differently they treated him and his sister. He just noticed what they did right by him and what he wanted to repeat. He taught me how to use tools and rebuild car engines and be handy and outdoorsy; while my mother was giving me the whole "oh sweetie don't get your dress dirty (: oh yes you should be a #girlboss in STEM but fixing a chair is too dangerous for you to do alone why don't you get your dad to help (: are you suuuuure you can lift that 8-pound object???" thing, my dad was teaching me how to operate a forklift and training me with good lifting technique and encouraging me to haul shit twice my size and letting me learn the kinds of lessons that can only be learned by minor injury. Damned near the only thing he WASN'T doing was the whole "man up" schtick, but even THAT I kinda got a detoxified version of; there was a lot of value placed on keeping my complaints in perspective, building my emotional regulation to the...best of my limited ability, and trying to solve problems independently - again, his WHOLE thing was pretty much just "what would I repeat from what my parents did to me? What would I change?" With absolutely no regard paid to "what was different for my sister? What would have been different if I'd been a girl?" Because he straight up didn't notice that shit.

As a result I fundamentally don't care that he can't quite get gendered terms right for me, because whatever, he's always treated me like just a she/her boy anyway.

Meanwhile, like I said, my mother considered herself a feminist, full on tried to force herself to be a lesbian about it in her 20s, and yet she STILL constantly underestimated my physical strength, treated my appearance like it was the most important thing about me, and kept pushing me to sit down and "be polite" - but she usually didn't SAY these things had anything to do with me being a girl, and in many cases probably didn't even realize they were herself. "Girls can do anything boys can do - but also if you fight back against your [also prepubescent, but male] bullies They Will Kill You To Death They Are Stronger You Cannot Win" was a sentiment I got (in much less clear terms) ALL THE TIME from her through elementary school. She was obsessed with my appearance, in that distinct radfemmy "well sure butches are cool but uh by butch you still mean skinny in form-fitting clothes with a pixie cut, right?" kind of way. She would never say I should dress "more ladylike" and would get angry at family members who WOULD say that out loud - she even introduced me to the concept that crossdressing is fine (sometimes) and that trans men exist (in which she made it clear she thought of us as just weird butch women) - but she would get really, really weird and cruel if I wore jeans she considered "unflattering".

And that's just the thing, about why all flavors of radfems are wrong about how "socialization" does and doesn't impact people! She never tied gender to a good half or so of those messages, so even after I started transitioning, they still felt like they were always aimed at me. Meanwhile, I got the same kind of auDHD from my dad that made him never see the gender of his own upbringing, only "things my parents did that I would repeat vs. things they did that I would not" - I only realized just HOW aggressively gendered my mother's behavior was by studying sociology years later.

Terfs are wrong that early socialization is destiny, everyone responds to the same messages the same way, and GNC "men" are treated wonderfully.

T[i]rfs are wrong that we all ONLY ever internalize messages aimed at our ACTUAL genders and trans men can just shake off misogyny because it's not REALLY aimed at us, regardless of whether that claim stays in the realm of "because WE know deep down that something is off when we're being called the wrong thing" or gets all the way into the batshit belief that everyone has ESP for people's essential soul gender and GNC men ARE treated just fine and it's ONLY eggmode trans women who get mistreated (and they all do regardless of how well they do or don't perform masculinity) and trans men are all totally raised as men and never treated misogynistically in the first place because of that soul gender ESP.

And ALL radfems are wrong that there's a rigid, universally applicable set of rules as to what socialization looks like based on your gender - just because there ARE broad patterns that DO need to be acknowledged doesnt erase the fact that from person to person there's a LOT of variance for a LOT of potential reasons, and that ends up meaning that in order to figure out what it means for trans people, you DO have to do a whole individual level examination - including by diving into the whole dysphoria-inducing disaster that is being perceived as the wrong gender and all that comes from it.

Also I sometimes half-jokingly identify as cis-bigender because between the thing with my parents, the fact that when I hit puberty it became apparent that I'm actually intersex, and the fact that I'm pretty sure I'd have been on the femboy-transfem cusp had I been AMAB, over 10 years into transition I finally feel manly enough to go high femme when the mood strikes, and I've finally gotten comfortable calling myself a girl when it's funny, I think that's a very fun label and about as accurate and honest as any single term comes.

I wish I could frame this ask.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

it’s been over five months and every time i put my necklaces on i still think about that time miles kane specifically came over to me and told me how much he liked them 🙈

[lizdive]

Hello! Might i request a Boothill x reader (romantic) who likes all things cute? Pretty dresses and lots of plushies! People make fun of her though and call her childish. Im curious how he would be with someone like that, maybe she likes to do his makeup or braid his hair. Thank u in advance if u do this request and i hope ur having a great day!💕

Hi nonnie <33 My day has been lovely !! Hope yours is as well 🩷🤍 tysm for requesting <33 if ur unsatisfied tell me and i’ll redo it !!

notes 𐙚 fem! reader — "you" + "my girl" + "she/her" used to refer to reader ,, romantic relationships ,, not proofread ignore typos

⭑ You and BOOTHILL’s dynamic appearance wise surprises many people — you both are the literal definition of opposites attract aesthetically. Likes it when people stare and likes showing you off. He hopes you enjoy showing him off, too.

⭑ BOOTHILL always carries your bags when you both go shopping. He’ll also give you his wallet and let you spend as much as you want. He’s loaded because of bounties so buy all the pretty and cute things you want.

⭑ "Y’look gorgeous, sweetheart," he says for the millionth time as you show him a dress you’re thinking of buying.

⭑ He’ll buy you plushies when he’s coming back from missions. Picks only the cutest ones for you. If he’s unsure he’ll usually just buy them all. They aren’t for free, though!! Every plushie will be paid for by a kiss from you.

⭑ If you name your plushies, BOOTHILL will try his best to remember the names. Whenever he’s greeting you with kisses, he’ll make sure to greet the plushie you have with you and pat it on it’s head.

⭑ If you have fighting abilities and use a weapon of some sort that’s decorated all cutely, he’ll definitely buy you charms and lace and things so you can further decorate your weapon !!

⭑ He doesn’t think your childish at all. Everyone likes what they like. Would never ever judge you and is very supportive of your likes. He does not tolerate anyone bullying or making fun of you and he makes that clear.

⭑ "I couldn’t help but hear ya talkin ‘bout my girl. Y’better shut yer trap and hope she ain’t hear a thing," BOOTHILL says as he slowly pulls his revolvers out of it’s holster, intimidating the person who dared talk bad about you.

⭑ Doesn’t mind if you do his hair — he loves it! Especially when you braid it or do a nice bun or something to keep it from being a hassle during missions. If you put in clips or bows, he’ll keep them in until they fall out naturally. He’ll take them out if he knows they might fall out during a mission or something, he doesn’t want to lose them.

⭑ You know that pose where the person is sitting on their partner’s lap as their partner is lying down on the floor and they do their makeup? That’s you both.

⭑ He’ll get all giggly and squirmy at the fluffy brushes as you do his blush and eyeshadow. He’ll try to remain still, but he just can’t help it :( he’ll apologize a lot throughout the makeup session,,

⭑ BOOTHILL will always be careful so as to not wrinkle or ruin one of your dresses or your hair or makeup, especially if your looks are very intricate like lolita fashion or you just care a lot for your appearance.

⭑ Overall 10/10 perfect partner very respectful snd indulgent !!

[starrynights-sunnyskies]

as the flowers bloom, my heart does too ⋆*·ﾟmisa x putellas!femreader, social media au, (14/-)

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when your relationship ends and all you want to do is hide and cry, flowers suddenly start to appear on your doorstep.

or; misa hating to see a pretty girl cry and suffer and going out of her way to cheer her up while staying anonymous

fic: see my masterlist 🤍

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8,429 likes yourusername: officially two years stuck with me 🤍

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marisabel_rguez Happiest two years of my life 😊

username1 how has it been two years already?

albaps9 ❤️❤️❤️❤️

bff3 Happy two years my loves 😘

friend1 to many more!

jennihermoso Explains why she's been less of a nuisance the last two years 🤣

username2 THE CUTEST

sofie.svava Angels!!

ingridengen 💘

alexiaputellas Good luck getting rid of her now, @/marisabel_rguez🤩 ↳ marisabel_rguez More like, good luck getting rid of ME now 😈

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↳ 55min ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story ↳ 55min ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story ↳ 55min ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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↳ 8h ago: yourusername added to their story

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↳ 8h ago: yourusername added to their story

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Direct Message

17:36 marisabel_rguez Got a notif that you tagged me?

17:36 marisabel_rguez Oh, hello ladies. I miss you. 👋

17:48 yourusername they miss you too 😌

17:48 marisabel_rguez Won't have to be much longer now!

17:48 marisabel_rguez But you know Ale is going to be annoyed when she sees it, right? 🤣

17:49 yourusername hmmmm so be it. she's a big girl, she can take it.

17:49 marisabel_rguez Wear that dress for me when you pick me up, pretty please?

17:49 yourusername i'll think about it 😉

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14,363 likes marisabel_rguez: Little Miss 'has a tiny home office but never uses it' 😁 Kidding. Always working hard, so proud of you, amor.

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albaps9 lord, she wouldn’t survive one day in the wild without internet

yourusername because if i sit there then i don't get to be around you 😭 ↳ marisabel_rguez I'm starting to think you only had me put up that desk for you just so you could see me work up a sweat. ↳ yourusername i will neither confirm or deny 😇

bff1 does she even realise you live with her lollll

sofie.svava Go outside. Feel the sun. Go touch some grass.

alexiaputellas Dating her laptop since 2019 🤩

username1 i can just see misa sitting there, taking these pics like 😍☺️🤳

bff2 Didn't know you two were polyamorous? 💻❤️👭

bff3 Oh, I see they're still together then! 🤭

yourusername everyone's bullying meeee 😔 ↳ marisabel_rguez They're just jealous of your drive 😉😘 ↳ albaps9 jealous? hahahahahaha no she works way too much ↳ yourusername i work a normal amount?? ↳ marisabel_rguez You did work remotely all throughout our last vacation 🤫 ↳ yourusername bc i had deadlines 🥺 and otherwise i couldn't have gone 🥺 and then i would've missed you 🥺 and then i would've been sad and then you would've been sad ): ↳ alexiaputellas No... you really work too much, hermanita 😅

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Text Messages

10:34 🤍 Misa 🤍 Thought we should move the conversation here.

10:34 🤍 Misa 🤍 But I know, amor. I was only joking. We both have to make sacrifices in this relationship to get the fullest out of our time together. I don't blame you for working when we're away or when you travel to watch me play, because you're still with me. You came for me. And I at least get to be in your presence or glance at you from across the room 😉

10:39 you i just always feel so guilty. when i'm there, but i'm not there, you know? i'm there to see you, to spend time with you, but i still can't give my full attention because of work. but i if i don't do it then, then that work will just follow me home and add to the list of things. and also when i have to finish stuff up at home and all i want is to spend time with you after you get homeeeeeeee

10:40 🤍 Misa 🤍 You know what I see when you're all focused in your home office? A hard working woman, whose built herself up from the ground, who is doing something she likes, who's making a career for herself. It makes me fall in love with you even harder.

10:41 you not sure what i ever did to deserve you. thank you for loving me the way that you do.

10:41 you you know that it still gives me butterflies whenever you flash across the screen or whenever you walk out onto the pitch? it feels so silly because i'm no longer a teenager with a crush, but you have that effect on me. i am so in love with you.

10:41 🤍 Misa 🤍 Haha, I know. It was like that for me before we ever dated. But you already know that. And it's still like that for me when I see you in the crowd.

10:42 you i doooo but tell me again 😊

10:42 🤍 Misa 🤍 Tonight, over dinner. I'll cook you something 😘

10:42 you then i'll cover dessert!

10:42 🤍 Misa 🤍 Oh! Okay 👀😏

10:42 you misa 🤣

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2,158 likes tagged: marisabel_rguez yourusername: what's missing?

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bff1 ME

username1 a rock on your ring finger?? 🤣 ↳ alexiaputellas It's looking a little lonely, isn't it? 😜 ↳ username1 GAHOGWHAGKASGLAWE HI ↳ username2 OMG ALEXIA ↳ username3 alexia captain of the ship confirmed ↳ username4 lol who would've thought!! ↳ username5 PK Alexia against Misa would NEVER-

albaps9 your left arm

jennihermoso My glasses, for sure. Because what the hell is missing? 🧐

marisabel_rguez Hah, cute try, but no, amor, we really can't get a pet. I told you ❤️ ↳ yourusername but but but but but please? ↳ marisabel_rguez Who takes care of it when we're gone? ↳ yourusername 😣

patri8guijarro can someone just tell me bc i'm lazy to look for it

bff2 Sugar in your coffee?

username2 so what is missing??? 🕵️‍♂️

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5,882 likes tagged: marisabel_rguez yourusername: 🌻

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bff1 i see you have a preferred seat ↳ yourusername duh! free seating wherever i go, who wouldn't love that?? ↳ marisabel_rguez Free? Since when? ↳ yourusername tHiS LoVe IsNT TRaNsAcTIonAL??? 😠 ↳ marisabel_rguez At your service 🫡😳😂

begovargas ❤️

marialeonn16 next time we pick the place!! 😆

ingridengen We had a lovely time with you two 💘

marisabel_rguez They really do it better! ↳ yourusername you're biased

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2,985 likes yourusername: dw i'll always stay loyal to you, barcelona <3

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albaps9 so, how's your life of chastity going?

bff1 that’s for sure not going to get you laid ↳ alexiaputellas Haha, I like that. Buy a few more of those @/yourusername. ↳ marisabel_rguez Meh, it's usually already off before I can read it 😛 ↳ bff1 savage 🤣🤣🤣🤣 ↳ albaps9 misa you truly are our bravest soldier ↳ alexiaputellas OYE??? Qué coño??!??

username1 idk what has spurred it but i love how they’re back in their ‘unapologetically lusting after each other’ phase ↳ username2 here for it 🤑 ↳ username3 RIP Alexia though 😂

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↳ 3h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their close friends story ↳ 25min ago: marisabel_rguez added to their close friends story

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Direct Messages

09:56 albaps9 MISA

09:56 albaps9 HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED ANYTHING? 🤣

09:59 marisabel_rguez She's been insecure about her physique and I couldn't have that 😌

09:59 albaps9 sure, you're just a horn dog. you both are. bye!

09:59 albaps9 btw i'm sleeping with yn tonight. you take the guest room. bc otherwise i can't look you two in the eye tomorrow morning xoxoxo

10:21 marisabel_rguez Noooo 😞

10:28 albaps9 yesssss

10:31 marisabel_rguez Are you really kicking me out of my own bed?

10:31 albaps9 yes!!!!

10:31 marisabel_rguez But it has the better mattress and I need that for my back. I'm the professional athlete out of the two of us.

10:34 albaps9 oh so it has nothing to do with the bombshell in that bed with you?

10:48 marisabel_rguez 😂

10:48 albaps9 see?! i don't want to be traumatised again so you take the guest room.

10:48 marisabel_rguez What do you mean 'traumatised' and 'again'?

10:48 albaps9 be fucking real rn misa

10:48 albaps9 i'm not stupid. you two did the nasty when we all came to madrid that first time

10:51 marisabel_rguez We didn't

10:51 albaps9 fuck off! you SO did!!!

10:51 marisabel_rguez Did not

10:51 albaps9 did

10:51 marisabel_rguez Did not 🙃

10:51 albaps9 I HEARD IT!!!!! I COULDN'T SLEEP!!!! 🤮

10:53 marisabel_rguez Our fridge is noisy and you probably heard the AC buzz too.

10:53 albaps9 ohhh right! that must be it! you have a very intelligent fridge if it can talk, you know? it must've been very lonely, calling out your names and all. how did you teach it?

10:54 marisabel_rguez 🙂

10:56 albaps9 that's right. so take the damn guest room bc i can tell ale and mami what you did while we were there and if they find out, they'll make your body disappear and then you'll have a very very very very sad and lonely girlfriend

10:57 marisabel_rguez Wow, YN wasn't kidding...

11:03 albaps9 about what?

Seen

11:48 albaps9 about WHAT

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Direct Messages

10:05 alexiaputellas Maria Isabel. No.

13:26 alexiaputellas Jover, Misa. I said no!!! Why post another one!!! 😫

14:00 marisabel_rguez jejeje 😁

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↳ 2min ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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Text Messages

12:01 albaquerque 🌼 i'm waiting ten more minutes and then i'm going shopping for myself. i've been fighting the urge to splurge. saw some nice earrings.

12:03 you jesus, i'm barely late

12:03 albaquerque 🌼 where are you

12:03 you ummm im almost at the jeweller i think, but alba!!!!!!!!

12:03 you i love her but it's so hard to surprise her

12:04 you misa insisted on dropping me off so that i didn't have to take the metro. i had her drop me off somewhere far away so she wouldn't get suspicious

12:04 albaquerque 🌼 sigh. fine. the things i do for you and love.

12:04 you you have the patience of a child

12:04 albaquerque 🌼 😙

12:04 albaquerque 🌼 less talking more walking. chop chop.

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↳ 1h ago: yourusername added to their story ↳ 45min ago: yourusername added to their story

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↳ 5min ago: albaps9 added to their story

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↳ 20min ago: marisabel_rguez added to their close friends story

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Direct Messages

14:05 alexiaputellas Good luck waking them up 😆

14:08 marisabel_rguez Starting to think I could bring a flamenco group in the room and they'd still sleep through it.

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15,381 likes tagged: yourusername marisabel_rguez: Queen in front of her palace gates 😍

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yourusername 😘

bff1 not the fanciest castle i have ever seen bff3 Yeah, it's quite shabby? bff2 Poor thing probably sitting there because no one's opening the door for her. yourusername i hate you guys 🤣

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5,109 likes tagged: marisabel_rguez yourusername: no stress, one boo 🤑

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marisabel_rguez You skipped over the good sex part, should I take offence to that? ↳ yourusername hm yea it isn't good. ↳ yourusername it's brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before <3 <3 ↳ alexiaputellas 😑 ↳ yourusername oh so now i can't quote lady gaga anymore?

username1 y'all are so goals

bff1 small circle 😌👌

username3 I want what they have

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↳ 1h ago: yourusername added to their story

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18,329 likes tagged: yourusername marisabel_rguez: Christmas 🔜 ☺️

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username1 misa and yn are on gran canaria. pics are from people who met them. they were out with misa's family 🎅🎄

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username2 it's a good day for the queers

username3 Stop, they look so happy ):

username4 they're literally radiating i'm so happy for them

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↳ 20min ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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↳ 11min ago: yourusername added to their story

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a/n: christmas vibes in august, who would've thought? hope you enjoyed the update. happy august <3

[popponn]

how one looks. [isagi yoichi x f!reader]

notes: this was born out of love and rage for his anime official arts' clothes because why is my man dressed like t h a t way too many times already... so i will bully him a bit (then feel bad about it. and it shows). other than that: fluff, yoichi got so sappy and so smitten for a hot sec, yoichi's fashion sense slander (and lets be honest. it deserves it. yoichi's plus point, many. negative point, his closet.)

“You know,” you began and Yoichi instantly felt like he was about to get a ball kicked to his face. “I had been thinking. Why do you look like an unfashionable grandpa sometimes?”

“…huh?” Yoichi responded, not really knowing how to answer to that. What should a guy do when their girlfriend of three years plus a half, who is also probably the love of their life, insinuate something about their appearance? Neither Blue Lock nor his parents prepared him for this.

With your eyes squinting at him, you leaned towards him from your seat in the armchair. One hand perched on the armrest and supported your chin as your face scrunched up from your thoughts. “I mean, I do think you are cute and handsome. Charming too,” you said.

Yoichi tried not to melt. Years passed and he is still weak whenever you praise him out of blue like this. From his parents to his teammates to Noel Noa knew about this—so, in attempt to be normal, Yoichi tried to kept everything under a soft smile directed to you only, “Gosh. You know, you are—”

“Hey, this is about you not me. Shush, shush,” you scolded him lightly with a finger pressed to his lips. This time, Yoichi could only blinked absentmindedly as you continued in a serious manner, “But, you see, if I look at you properly without bias—I wonder why I could think like that.”

It was at this point Yoichi realized you were trying to call him not cute, not handsome, and not charming in a very roundabout way. Again, confused on how to react to things like this, he said, “…uh?”

You were not Rin, Barou, Kaiser or anyone he shared competitive trash talking with hell and back—and even calling him ‘ugly’ really was tame to the shits spitted out straight at his face. You were never like this and Yoichi knows since the four years ‘unclear situationship’ period that his appearance really does not matter to you who would look at him gently even with his face dressed in odd drawings courtesy of Bachira’s oil markers. With that being said, he really didn’t understand what was going on.

“Your hair is honestly generic. Like, I really get why Rin said he called you NPC back then,” you explained and Yoichi tried not to wince. “Oh, but don’t change it! If it changes, especially without me knowing beforehand, I probably won’t recognize you. Though what’s a bit unique about them are probably only your sprout and bangs…kind of?”

In silence and in attempt to be a good boyfriend, Yoichi could only nod.

“And then, your fashion sense…” you continued, pity coloring your face, “…actually, where do I start on that one? I think that one part of you is so hopeless it kind of turn around to cute… in a really naive and stupid way though.”

For a moment, Yoichi remembered how he used to think in Blue Lock some people could be very harsh in commenting. Turns out, listening to your girlfriend obliterating you appearance wise is a whole another level of ego bruising experience. “Now, come on, you know I’m not good at those mix matching thing…” he admitted with pain in his voice. Because at this point what could he do?

“Of course I know,” you said as if he was saying that sky is blue. “I mean, remember how I used to tease you about ‘all point in soccer and social skill, zero in others’?” Yoichi doubted that it was all ‘teasing’. At this moment, it felt like lighthearted bullying. “I’m not exactly a hundred percent kidding, you know.”

At least he saw this one coming.

“Ugh, what brought this on suddenly, seriously?” Yoichi asked with a groan. Did he do something? He didn’t forget an anniversary or something, right?

You hummed, before answering hesitantly, “Hmm…nothing much actually?”

“So you just said all that for no reason?!” he cried out, not actually buying you answer. At that, you stayed silent for a moment.

“…actually, it’s because I saw a photo of you online, not the most recent, I think,” you finally admitted, your eyes slowly drifting away from his face. “…your clothes was so ugly there I felt like burning your closet suddenly.”

“Please don’t,” Yoichi said quickly, before prompting you to continue. “And?”

“…it’s a waste,” you continued. “You are handsome, cute. Your eyes look good when you are focused. You are like a really handsome cat who is really good at soccer. But you dress like an unfashionable grandpa who really loves neon green sometimes, so it’s a waste.”

Listening to your explanation, both fondness and exasperation overcame Yoichi in a wave that felt like a pleasant breeze compared to whatever you just dished out to him seconds ago. “Don’t burn my closet though,” Yoichi said, utterly serious and yet somehow still couldn’t find it in himself to be even be a little stern on you after such honest praises.

Suddenly feeling a bit shy and tired, Yoichi buried his face in his hands. He knew for sure his face was red. And he knew how obviously weak he is for you. From the back of his mind, he could hear some familiar voices poking at him for being like this, but in the end there will always be a part of him that is so in love with you it becomes straight up stupid.

Maybe it indeed is so dumb and selfish, because as long as you are happy and it is a time shared with him, Yoichi probably wouldn’t really mind having to listen to you calling him an ‘unfashionable grandpa’ everyday.

He, more than anyone, understands how the two of you has dreams and life that took the two of you away from each other. And even then, Yoichi knows that that one part of him—one that always gaze at your sleeping figure silently, wondering how he could have this and why someone as wonderful as you is here by his side—is rightfully fearful of a ‘bad ending’. Yoichi knows you love him. Yoichi knows he loves you. Yoichi got called selfish, egoistic, self centered, and self serving many times already in matches, and that is exactly why—he knows himself.

If it’s for you—for every part of life you had given to him, for every part of you that he had fallen in love with—he is ready to be as selfless as he could.

Happily and gladly.

“Hey, you have been silent for a while now.” A pair of hands warped itself around him, meekly, as your head rested on his back. “…sorry. Was I too much? I made you overthink, didn’t I? You know I still love you, right? Even if you suddenly wake up as a wrinkly grandpa with creaking knees tomorrow.”

Yoichi laughed at that, still covering part of his face. “I don’t want to retire yet so that better not happen,” he replied lightly, going along with you.

“…you are not crying, right?” you asked, guilt written all over your tone. Yoichi tried and failed to held back a chuckle. So, accepting his fate as a lovesick asshole, he turned and pushed you to the sofa, laying his face down on your stomach as he settled in an uncomfortable position to hug you.

Yet, without paying any mind to his lower body that remained sitting whilst upper body rested on you, Yoichi said, “I’m not. How could I with you hugging me like this?”

“…really?”

“Really.”

“…should we really stay like this any longer though…?” you asked, eventually. “I’m worried for your hips.”

“I’m fine,” Yoichi said while nuzzling his face slowly to your clothes. “Just think of this as payback for bullying me.”

You scoffed lightly at that, “And you said you were fine.”

“Yeah, I am,” Yoichi said as he felt your fingers combed through his hair. So much for commenting his hairstyle. He made a note to tease you later, but for a bit longer—

“Just, let me stay here, okay?”

[breadnauppercrust]

some designs i came up with for the girls in miraculous. the idea was 'what if they could have multiple outfits like sailor moon, as told by ginger, or totally spies?' and 'what if their clothes reflected their story arc?' however, i kind of gave up on them because i no longer have time to work on it as much as i would like to, so below this are copy+paste from my wip instagram account. lowkey its fanfiction-y lol

Alya:

Alya redesigns! tbh don’t know if they’re cohesive but 🤷‍♀️

S1: dresses for comfort & is geeky - think DrWho/Marvel/Tumblr. Obsessed w superheroes & has dedicated blog for each one, & that includes LB. Beginning of her & Maris friendship, starts to dates nino halfway s1.

S2: Mari influences her way of dress, still geeky but experimenting w clothes. Ladyblog becomes popular, interested in finding out her secret ID. Is also investigating akumas, HM, The Who/what/where/whys. Lowkey figures out who ladybug is but doesn’t say anything. Has been given fox miraculous at least a couple times.

S3: notices changes in Maris behavior & confronts her. Becomes fox miraculous holder full time, helps LB figure out who HM is & shares all the info she’s found. CN lowkey pushed to the side, causing friction, bc wrapped up w finding out who HM is ig. Constantly wears a Fanny pack now for trixx. Goes w comfortable but stylish clothes (ig lol idk) also at this point is BFF w Mari

Chloe:

S1: wears preppy designer brands to impress mom, despite living in diff countries. Basic mean girl, her only friends being Sabrina and Adrien - whose a childhood friend & lowkey helped him attend school. Both know how it feels to “lose” a parent & Adrien has seen a softer side of her. Probably has a crush on him ig. Maris bully, jealous of her talents at sewing & making friends easily, & prob her knit tight family.

S2: still preppy but w 60/70s inspo. Given bee miraculous a couple times, has resisted akumas - info she uses to help others later. Helping ppl & being somewhat nice makes her feel good & likes the appreciation from others+LB. Maybe Mom moves back to Paris w half sister, Zoe - might be significantly younger than Chloe idk. Didn’t like her at first but warms up to her as season goes on. Sees lil sister copying her & their mom, has an epiphany ig. Connects dots on akumas & feelings & tries to be better.

Should Zoe exist tho??? idk

S3: preppy but more casual. She’s nicer but still sarcastic, has made a few new friends, treating Sabrina better. Still trying to get moms approval tho & follows her around, even to fashion things w the Agreste. Notices Gabriel is acting strange, more distant towards Adrien, doesn’t notice what he’s doing or where he’s going. pt queen bee ig, probably given towards the very end of the season tbh by Adrien/CN after being ignored by LB bc of RR involvement w finding out HM id. AND noticing Chloe change significantly in the past several months (?) does Adrien reveal to her IDK he is still loyal to LB but eH

Mari:

1st Mari is shy, her outfits are safe & she kind of disappears in a crowd. She just became 🐞 & isn’t 💯 with her role yet. She’s designed and made her own clothes but doesn’t wear them outside of the house bc Chloe, oof

2nd she’s now comfortable being 🐞 & that boosts her confidence as Mari, she’s wearing more bold colors & outfits that she may or may not have designed herself 👀

3rd 🐞 is now the guardian of the miraculous box, has bigger responsibilities & problems to deal with. Being 🐞 has creeped into her daily life. Doesn’t have time to design/make clothes so wears w/e, but tries to appear happy.

Kagami:

i like the idea of kagami being prim and proper looking all preppy at the beginning, but after making friends she starts to rebel by modifying her school clothes w accessories but eventually wears w/e she wants w a punkish vibe. lowkey worried about falling into a trope so idk

[griancraft]

I'm struggling to word this but I'm finally ready to talk about it and I want people to listen.

I've noticed a type of racism in leftist communities I don't see talked about a lot. I am Quarter Japanese and I am visibly mixed, but a lot of leftists see "quarter" and assume that I don't have the right to an opinion on issues that effect me. The sentiment I've gotten from mostly white leftists is that I'm not "POC enough" for a lot of discussions.

There's this weird thing in a lot of leftist spaces where your appearance and percentage, not your experiences based on your race, are considered above all.

Meanwhile, in reality, all aspects of my identity are affected by my race and my family's experience with Japanese internment. An event which stripped them of any wealth they had acquired since moving to Canada over 50 years before the war.

An event that cause the intermarriage rate of Japanese-canadians and white Canadians to be over 90 percent post internment because we viewed proximity to whiteness as safety. An event which left them in severe poverty until my dad and aunt worked their asses off to get a degree. The generational trauma goes so deep my dad didn't want me transitioning because he was worried about what the government would do to me.

Because of my race I experienced negligence from authority figures related to pretty severe racially based bullying at 12. That negligence could have killed me. I've had to deal with microaggressions and straight up racism related to my last name on multiple occasions.

One time I was out with a friend and he grabbed my arm tight and dragged me to walk faster. A man wearing a white lives matter T-shirt was standing in the middle of the path looking directly at me when I turned around.

I'm pretty sure this wasn't based on me being feminine and goth that day, I live in a city with a decent amount of people in alt subculture and my friend was way more gothed up and queer than me. I was barely passing as a guy at that point so it wasn't because I was a man in a dress. I know this is a weaker point, but it made me realize just how unsafe I am in my own community even though I'm a mixed person in a heavily multicultural city.

Obviously, this isn't on the scale of someone who is less white passing than me and/or has more compounding marginalizations. However I've found that the fact I'm mixed race has been used against me to devalue my experience and knowledge regarding what it's like to be a POC in Canada.

I can assure you I am aware of how bad it is, and I am aware of how good I have it. I also want you to be aware that it's not all sunshine rainbows and bunny farts to be more white, it doesn't make the racism go away. It often just makes it more covert and easy to explain away because I'm "not really Japanese"

[ya-what--ya-erster]

Spot Conlon Likes Idiots

Inspired by @lithuaniaseye 's post here

606 words

Farm kid Race written by actual farm kid Albert (hi)

...

...

It wasn't news that Race was a farm kid. 

Race was the ultimate  farm kid. He was tall, and skinny, and appeared to have no muscle at all, but he could toss you over a fence like a hay bale. He wore Twisted X shoes and faded boot cut jeans and shirts with American flags and guns on them. He carried his pocket knife around religiously, constantly fiddling with it like it was a toy. He could ride a horse, and he could try (and fail) to ride a bull in a rodeo. 

He was also really gay, though, and those two things happened to not go very well together. 

Not necessarily because of hate, although sometimes that did occur.

Mostly, being a gay farm boy was a problem for Race because he had a tendency to flirt with his farmer-ness. 

"It's gonna work this time, Jack." Race said certainly. 

"You look like you're gonna go kick his ass. Which you couldn't do, by the way. Spot's like, ten times stronger than you." Jack replied. 

"I just want to ask him to come to the rodeo with us, is it really that bad?"

"What's bad is that Spot's a city kid, and you ain't, and you dress like all those homophobic shitheads over there while Spot's openly bi. Do you understand what's gonna go through his head, Racer?"

"Do you want me to paint my nails or some bullshit? I don't gotta 'look gay,' whatever that means."

"Actually. I'm gonna make a bet with you here. You're gonna ask him out, to the rodeo. If he says no, you are  going to paint your nails. If he says yes, which he won't, then I will. Left on for a week. Deal?"

"No deal. If you paint your nails when ya lose, nobody will notice. You are the most obviously queer person in this room right now. If you lose, you're gonna wear my clothes for a week."

"I ain't losing, so. Sure thing."

The two boys shook on it. Race took a breath and turned to go, but...

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Race plucked a barley stalk out of the ground and stuck it in his mouth like-

"One of them damn buckle bunnies, that's what you look like right now. You look like an idiot." Jack was not having it. 

"Do ya think Spot likes idiots?" Race asked absentmindedly, staring at Spot. 

"You moron. Go, get it over with."

So Race marched up to Spot, loud and proud. 

"Hey."

"You know, I'm just trying to have a good time, I don't need any of your bullshit today." Spot said roughly.

"I was wondering if- wait what?" Race stopped.

"So I'm bi? Deal with it."

"Ohh darn, Jack was right."

"Kelly?"

"Yeah, Kelly. He said you was gonna think that- never mind, I ain't here to bully ya or anything."

"Okay, well? What do you want, then?"

"I'm gay."

Spot looked Race up and down, then scoffed. 

"Uh-huh."

"For reals."

"Alright. Good to know, bye." Spot took a step away, but Race caught him by the arm and turned him back. 

"I was wondering," Race said slowly, "If maybe you would want to go to the rodeo with me tonight? Like, as a date?"

Spot pulled his arm away from Race, and Race worried for a second that he was gonna walk away with a split lip or a black eye. 

"Sure thing. Let me text my Ma and let her know I'll be out late, yeah?"

...

"How do you wear this shit?" Jack asked the next day, standing before Race's full-length mirror. 

"Cause I like it. And now you have to deal with it for a whole week. Enjoy! I gotta go pick Spot up for school."

...

THE END

...

...

hi its the author I just realized y'all city ppl probs actually don't know what a buckle bunny is so where I come from we use it to describe someone who dresses like this, or basically like anyone who looks like a fake country person. The whole wheat in the mouth thing doesn't actually happen all that often which is why it tends to fall under the buckle bunny label.

Also, I used barley instead of wheat in this for me being a farm kid purposes so

[novasintheroom]

Can you imagine your wedding day with Vash?

It's sudden, that's for sure - both of you wake up one day, years into your engagement, and Vash has this look in his eye and asks, "Wanna get married today?"

Of course you say yes.

You both bully Wolfwood into officiating the wedding. He does it with grumbles, but you can see the pleased blush on his face at being so included. Meryl and Milly scramble to put together bouquets made of fake flowers and shiny metal bits found in the local pawn shop and just around town. Meryl complains that it should be more, that there should be a venue, decorations, something, but Milly can barely talk because she's so choked up about being made a bridesmaid.

Your dress is simple - something you packed away in your sack for fancier occasions. It's not even white, but it's special, now. You slip it on, pressing down the wrinkles from being at the bottom of your pack for so long. You have to go in your boots, and you worry you don't look like a bride.

That worry vanishes when you see the look on Vash's face.

You appear in the little church the town has, and you can hear the breath leave your man when you walk through the doors. He's staring. Of course he's staring, you look beautiful. Milly did up your hair the best way she knew how, and Meryl helped to clean you up and put some make-up on your cheeks. He's seen you in that dress before, and he still thinks it's perfect for you, how it hugs your curves and just screams you. Wolfwood has to nudge him a bit, giving him a cheeky smile when he sees the tears in Vash's eyes.

You walk down the isle to no music, and when you reach him, Vash reaches out his hand to hold yours. His thumb rubs your ring finger, absent of your engagement ring in favor of using it for the ceremony. "We'll fix that," he murmurs, and you smile at him with your own tears.

Wolfwood does his best at being a proper priest, for the most part. There's a lot of 'ums' said as he makes up his speech while going along. When you get to your vows, Vash pulls out a paper you didn't know he had and reads it:

"Mayfly, I didn't sit back and take inventory of your qualities and say 'this one ticks all the boxes, done.' I was drawn to you and profoundly lucky that you were drawn to me. And we started something that we still work on everyday, that gets deeper and wrinklier every day. I hope that doesn't sound unromantic, calling it work. I don't mean work like drudgery, watching the clock waiting for work to be over - I mean work the way artists talk about paintings as vital and prioritized. It's the most important work of my life, our partnership, and I cherish it. Also, to be clear, I am hopelessly in love with you. That helps. I am on a daily basis completely knocked over by the person in front of me; this crazy dancing, music humming, sweet and spicy woman that I get to spend my life with. It's just that life is long, and I know that loving well is a thing you do, not a lottery you win."

He goes on to promise to always cherish you, listen to you, love you the way you deserve. By the time he's done, you're a mess, and your make-up is running. You kiss him before Wolfwood can even say "I pronounce you husband and wife," but when have you two ever done things the "normal" way?

Credit to @cullinmcgree on TikTok for the vows I use here - her husband's vows; I fell in love with them and just had to share them in a short story with Vash! I hope one day we may all find someone who loves as ardently as that man loves his wife.

dividers

[maleyanderecafe]

I Hold the Tyrant's Heart (Webcomic)

Created by: Nobena

Genre: Isekai

I Hold the Tyrant's Heart or I Captured the Tyrant's Heart is one of those few isekais that I've read where the female lead actually does try to go back to her original world after being isekaied. The yandere hits pretty much straight off the bat, AND it has a crybaby yandere which is of course one of my favorite kinds. The story as of current only has about 13 chapters so far.

The story starts out with Euelle Haldrant starts with her dreaming of her past life, being rushed to the ER after being stabbed and then isekaied into this world. While she has a kind family, she wishes dearly to return back to her world and has been trying to learn magic to do so. She gets accepted into a magic school fairly easily and while being bullied by some girls, the crowned prince comes into defend Euelle. She is shocked to see how different he looks, as he used to be a blond boy. We get a flashback to where the two were children, where Euelle was still trying to find a way to her world, Tes (the crowned prince), seemed to be very attached to Euelle, however she had no interest in him as she was trying not to make any strong relationships in this world (as she was going to leave it), leading to her stating that Tes isn't really her type and that she prefers dark haired guys instead. In the present, Euelle prevents the girl from being punished by Tes and she and Tes walk around together. It seems that Tes was able to change his appearance to become closer to Euelle's type, even dressing up and telling her he'd change if she wished it. Euelle has a sword fight with one of her childhood friends Etil while talking to him about Tes. Despite Etil's warning not to get to close to Tes, Euelle accepts his invitation to the library as she wants to learn more about magic. We learn there are many rumors about Euelle trying to take power due to her close relationship with the crowned prince, and was one of the reasons they moved away when they were younger (and also because the king forced them too after having a breakdown). We learn also that Tes had been gathering books that Euelle liked as a child and we find out that he was able to change his appearance because he is connected to the land he's on, thus only changing his appearance for Euelle which is why nobody else seems to have noticed. We see that the reason for Euelle wanting to go back is because she feels like she can't leave her mother alone as she went through a lot, even asking her current mother about going to another world, to no avail. We see that in their past Tes continues to cling onto Euelle dearly, with her being the only person that could calm him down when he threw a tantrum. Even her mother tells Euelle to stay away from Tes, as her elf intuition is telling her. The last time that Euelle sees Tes before his transformation was at a ball, where the rumors about her seducing the crowned prince still reign true and Tes nearly throws a tantrum again for not being able to be near her, causing rumors to spread further. A thunder storm stops the ball, leaving the last image of Tes in Euelle's mind him passed out as her parents take her away to safety. Tes and Euelle continue to get closer, however, Euelle learns that the bully is about to get executed thanks to Tes, and revealing that Tes basically got rid of all the nobles while she was gone. The last couple of chapters is Euelle kissing Tes as a way to help the bully not get executed and seeing the bully's brother fall in love with her.

As I said, it's pretty rare for me to find isekais where the main female lead actually wants to go back to her world, although it feels like it's mostly out of guilt and obligation rather than missing her family. It does make me think at some point she will give up on her goal of going back. She also tends to run headfirst into anything that could possibly get to her goal, despite the numerous warnings of staying away from Tes from her parents, friends and others, which I'm sure will lead to consequences later on (or at least I hope it does). It's also nice that Euelle actually does have very kind parents that care for her, with one of them being a half elf, which hopefully means more in the future besides the fact that she's not under Tes's powers of illusion.

As for Tes, it is always fun to have a yandere who is willing to change not only their appearance but personality for their love, which in this case is a pretty big difference between from his past self, so I can understand why Euelle wasn't able to recognize him at first. It seems that he was pretty attached to Euelle even as a child, and it was Euelle's own words of what she liked that caused him to change (although I gotta say I'd love to see what an adult Tes who still acts more similarly to his child like self would look like). He already seemed to have yandere tendencies when he was younger, getting all of the households to look away when the two were together, but it mostly encapsulates when the two are older, with him not only killing off all of the nobles, but also using manipulation, emotional and otherwise to get her to stay with him. Whether that be crying, or using the bully's life to exchange with a kiss with Euelle. He also takes care to fill the library with books of what Euelle was into when she was younger and overall just changing the way he looks so that Euelle will be into him. It's no doubt that he is willing to kill for her if anyone gets in the way or tries to hurt her, so i bet it will be really bad when he finds out what Euelle needs those books for. Should play for a good conflict.

Overall, a good introduction to a yandere character, and it's always fun to see a yandere that is willing to change drastically to please the person they love. I'm curious to see how this will end up in the future, maybe more deaths? Maybe Euelle falling for Tes at some point? I guess we'll just have to see.

[lonelylonelyghost]

Re-watch of The Spirealm. Episode 23

Nature in all its ominous glory

As far as the last images you see before you die, this is pretty good actually

RIP girl

Nice picture btw. I wouldn't want it on my bedroom wall, but if it was hanging somewhere near the entrance door, to scare the guests and myself occasionally - that'd be pretty cool.

"You stand on the bridge to view the scenery,

and people who view the scenery look at you upstairs.

The moon decorated your window,

and you decorated someone else's dream."

Nothing quite like a piece of cryptic poetry to start off your day

I need to see more of the Mistress's dress, it seems to look amazing. I want official full-body posters...

The Sun, the Death, the Noble Jester, The Giant and the Ghost

A gang

Jawline.

shut up.

He's so worried for his Lingling...

"You should let me leave this world. Me appearing in the game is equivalent to cheating. If you get caught you'll be punished severely."

"As long as you're here with me, I'm not afraid of any punishment!"

The ride or die!...

"I'm offline now. I'll die if I go out. I'm content to just be here with you. I played this game because I was lonely. But I met you. And now I'm not lonely anymore..."

ಥ_ಥ

The red string!!!

I noticed that the show treats Xiong Qi' and Xiao Ke's story is in some way similar to Nanzhu' and Qiushi's, in that they don't state clearly about the nature of their relationship, but make it as intense as possible. Ready to do anything for each other, literally tied together with a red string of fate, so who cares about the labels? They are each other's person, and that's enough. This is by far my favourite kind of m/f dynamic. GIMME MORE

Not to ruin the moment, but I think this is the only instance when the drama can legitimately show on screen Nanzhu getting on top of Qiushi

The RAGE!

Nice

"We both are women. I know how you feel. Many women have been hurt by love. We are easy to be bullied and mentally controlled. I've acted many eye-candy roles. None of these characters are divorced. I envy you. You're going the wrong way, but you've been looking for a way out."

"Is improper behavior also worth to be envied?"

"Of course! One day, you'll reach your solution. The Twelve Sufferings you drew is dreary. I don't like it. I like this one the best. Art and insights don't matter at all. What really matters is your choice."

Tan Zaozao is terrified but still reaches out to the Mistress with kindness. Have I told already that I love her?

The portrait is beautiful

(It looks a bit like it was drawn by Shen Yi)

And she's starting her life anew 🥲

"See you in the next Door"

😭😭😭😭

"Thank you." "And how exactly are you going to thank me?"

"Tell me, what do you want me to do?" "...I haven't decided yet."

"Have a rest. You can think it over once you've recovered."

Well, Qiushi walked right into that one, didn't he

"Don't leave. Stay with me a little longer." "Alright."

COME ON!

"Tan Zaozao, do you think that I'm too weak now to teach you a lesson?"

"Lingling-ge, calm Ruan-ge down, he wants to beat me!"

"What tool do you want to use? The fruit knife?"

You asked the wrong person to defend your honor, Zaozao! ehehe

OK, alright, ok, so....

[unholy screeching]

First of all, I officially will be reminded of THIS moment every time the lychees are mentioned in ANY context for the rest of my life.

Second of all, WHAT. WAS. THAT. Like seriously. How was that filmed? How was that supposed to have any heterosexual explanation? Just bros being dudes, hand-feeding each other fruits sensually? Like, be for real.

And third of all, Qiushi's face???????? Oh, he knows what he's doing and what kind of effect he has on Nanzhu, the amount of power he wields over him. And he uses this power to just take care of him!...

This one (and the Bite Scene TM) are the most homoerotic moments in the history of forever.

I rest my case.

what the FUCK

"Cheng Yixie? How did you know we were here?"

"I could smell you."

I...😳I did NOT remember this bit of the dialogue...

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E10 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/location cheat sheet

Lady Ah-Duo - Pure Consort, one of 4 top concubines

Garnet Pavilion - Lady Ah-Duo's residence

Fengming - Head LIW at Garnet Pavilion

Xiaolan - Maomao's servant friend

Lady Lishu - child bride concubine

Lady Lihua - the consort who was poisoned by powder

Jade Pavilion - Lady Gyokuyou's residence

Luomen - Maomao's physician father

Sir Kounen - Jinshi's older acquaintance who died

This episode fought me hard. Like, I struggled a lot with it. I'm more lost than I've ever been in this show. And forewarning, much of this episode's blog is me spinning wild theories, since I couldn't actually figure out what is happening.

And full disclosure, I had to watch this episode twice. I watched it once while I was tired, and could not figure out a lot of it. So I slept on it, let the mysteries roll around my head all day, and then watched it again and I'm still confused about many things! But I had some insights about a couple things, and added some more notes to my initial watch responses. Enjoy!

Cryptic opening. A person sits drinking alone on what appears to be the walls of the palace.

Palace gossip! The girl who drowned used to serve at the Garnet Pavilion. Word has it that she's the one who poisoned Lady Lishu's food. Could she have done it because Lady Ah-Duo is at risk of losing her place as one of the top consorts to a younger concubine?

At age 35, Lady Ah-Duo is so, so old. She's practically geriatric. Way too old to be a favored consort, even if she has been married to the emperor since he was the crown prince, and bore him a child that died.

And the math is funny when you have to consider child brides, but there is a possibility that if that infant that she bore had in fact not died, that they would be a young adult right about now. Right around the age of Jinshi a lot of young men in the palace. This possibility isn't my leading theory, since the show has already implied that Jinshi is the emperor's brother, but it's a good back up. For what it's worth, Lady Ah-Duo has the right coloring and look to be related to Jinshi. Also, I have no idea how old Jinshi actually is, but Gaoshun keeps referring to him as a young person, so I'm guessing young 20s or late teens. Which means there is an age gap between him and his brother the emperor who we now know is 34.

I'm starting to notice a motif. Maomao describes the Rear Palace as a garden, and the concubines as flowers. I remember her talking to Lady Lihua about how one could not compare a peony to a bellflower. And now she says:

Even the most beautiful flowers wilt eventually. And those unable to bear fruit no longer serve a purpose.

The ladies of the Jade Pavilion prepare and host a tea party for Lady Lishu, which is fraught with politics. The party is attended by Lady Lishu's food taster, who is terrified of Maomao after the events of the Garden Party. But even so, it seems Lady Lishu is still being bullied by her ladies.

Of note: Maomao is dressed up for the party, and doesn't have her freckles on.

The ladies of the Jade Pavilion won't let Maomao help clean up and they toss her out into the hall claiming she needs to rest, but they may have ulterior motives, because a certain palace manager is waiting for Maomao there.

Jinshi wants to know about the tea party, and Maomao realizes that he may have had a hand in organizing this event. I assume he wanted Maomao to observe Lady Lishu with her ladies in waiting to determine if the bullying is still happening, which is a noble intention. Why he does these things without simply asking Maomao to help, I don't know. She doesn't appreciate being maneuvered, and her natural curiosity and desire to help usually get her involved anyway, so there really isn't a good reason for him to continue operating this way. But things have been weird since Maomao became despondent after the servant girl drowned. He's retreated to old behaviors, which include manipulating Maomao. And the mask of the enigmatic palace manager is back. He's all sparkles again.

Maomao tries to brush him off.

Jinshi: I am far from being done with you.

Understatement.

Maomao: Funny, I'm more than done with you.

A lie.

But she may be done with him in this moment. When he's sparkling, he's manipulating, and she knows it.

They are bantering as they always do, but this isn't honest or fun. And he's put his hand on her shoulder. She has asked him before not to do that. She slaps it off as she did last time. Nothing has changed. What she said before is still true. His status makes anything between them impossible, and he shouldn't be touching her.

His tone immediately changes, signaling his sincerity as he wants to talk about the servant girl who died. He's not convinced that it was a suicide. He's heard Maomao's thoughts on this before, and he believes her. He also doesn't want to give up on finding the truth and getting justice for that girl. And... I just love that.

We see Jinshi through Maomao's distorted lens so often, that it can be hard to see that he has heroic qualities. When we first met him, he seemed to be almost an antagonist to Maomao. He was using her in his machinations, trying to seduce her to more firmly control her, and keeping information from her. But his role in this story, is not that of an antagonist, he's the love interest, and he's got to be worthy of the hero. As we've moved through the story we've caught glimpses of his better nature, and we can read between the lines to see what his motivations and actions have been. He's got some growth yet to do, no doubt, but fundamentally, he's a good person. And here, with his pursuit of justice for the murdered servant girl, we get a good example of him becoming a hero in his own right.

This also demonstrates the impact Maomao has had on Jinshi. I do believe he cared about justice before Maomao arrived in his life, and I think he would have pursued this case regardless, but this case in particular has extra meaning to Jinshi, because of Maomao.

The woman who died is a servant girl, just like Maomao. Someone targeted this woman and murdered her, because she was expendable.

Maomao: I am but a lowly commoner. My life is easily taken away over the slightest error. [From episode 9]

And that is unacceptable to Jinshi.

He saw a despondent Maomao, and listened to what she had to say, and in the moment he had no idea what to do. And he still might not know what to say to Maomao, but he does know that servant girls don't deserve to die when they become an inconvenience to someone in power.

And servant girls shouldn't have to live in the palace feeling like their lives are expendable.

Maomao: We wander through life, never knowing when it's our time. That's fate. There's no way of resisting it. [From episode 9]

No. Not okay. Not to Jinshi.

He might not be able to escape the obligations of his station or be able to take off the mask he needs to wear, but he can at least use his power for this.

He saw Maomao at her darkest moment to date, and it threw him. He has pulled back a bit but as he said he's far from being done with her. Jinshi never gives up on Maomao. Big male lead energy.

And so Jinshi asks for Maomao's thoughts, as he always does. He always wants to know her thoughts, her conjectures, and he believes her. As he did with the drowned servant girl. Now he wants to know if she thinks the servant girl could have done what it's being said she did. He's not sure himself, but he trusts that Maomao will have some insight. Just as Jinshi's support and encouragement helps Maomao to solve mysteries, Maomao's careful analysis and even unfounded conjectures, help Jinshi make sense of the cases he's call upon to handle. They work better when they work together.

Jinshi has heard her thoughts about the servant girls death before, but he has to ask again:

Jinshi: Do you think she really committed suicide? Maomao: I've already told you that's not for me to determine.

And if Jinshi is back to masks, and sparkles, then Maomao is back to conjectures shouldn't be spoken out loud and "a mere lady-in-waiting wouldn't know."

Jinshi: She was a common servant girl. What reason would she have for attempting to poison Concubine Lishu? Maomao: I don't know.

The walls are up. The communication is down. Jinshi makes a frustrated sound. He tried asking her earnestly, and it got him nowhere. If Maomao is going to retreat to old behavior, so will he. It's time to ✨sparkle.✨

Jinshi will get to the bottom of this case goddamnit, even if he has to maneuver Maomao to do it. She's been sent to the Garnet Pavilion to help out get answers. She acts like she's upset at being sent, but don't listen to her. She wants to solve this case as much as Jinshi does.

That's... a hell of an intro for Lady Ah-Duo. She's going to be someone important isn't she? See wild theory above.

Caught it on the second watch, but the person on the wall was Lady Ah Duo. Her guan and hair style are the same, and when Maomao pictures her riding a horse, it's the same outfit at in the beginning.

Which begs the question, what was she doing sitting up on the rooftop drinking and staring at the stars?

Lady Ah-Duo is getting the kind of starstruck reaction usually reserved for Jinshi. And Maomao is wondering who Lady Ah-Duo reminds her of. Don't tell me my off-the-wall theory was correct? Shit, I'll have to rework all my other theories if that's true...

Everything at the Garnet Pavilion seems... nice. The servants work hard, and the head lady in waiting is kind, and approachable, different from what we've seen before with Lady Lihua's and Lady Lishu's servants. Maomao isn't sure what to do. She didn't get any specific instructions from Jinshi, and she's not sure where or what to look for. She's considering all of the angles though. In fact those thoughts are keeping her up at night. A servant girl who used to live and work in that very pavilion, was murdered. And someone did try to poison Lady Lishu. Maomao knows there must be a clue somewhere. It's driving her crazy.

This show just casually drops in commentary about the role of women in society.

She's (Fengming) well past her prime, but in another life, she would have made a great wife. I wonder if she ever considered marriage? Or if she chose to serve Concubine Ah-Duo for life?

I wonder if Maomao considers this her fate as well. Will she ever consider marriage? Will she choose to serve Concubine Gyokuyou for life? Do servants even get a choice? Do their desires matter at all? What about the concubines? Do they get a choice? Do their desires matter at all?

Lady Lishu shows up to the Garnet Pavilion acting weird as hell. Looking all around like she doesn't want to be seen. And she only has her one food taster with her. Strange for someone who may have been the target of an assassination attempt from the Garnet Pavilion.

Something about this doesn't add up. Why is she hiding her visit? Is she hiding from her own ladies? Is that why she only brought the one? Or is she avoiding someone else and didn't want a large retinue that would make her more noticeable. And why visit the Garnet Pavilion? What is the connection? She had the weird reaction to honey at the tea party she attended at the Jade Pavilion. Does this have something to do with honey? I really don't know. Maybe there will be some clues later on.

When she's done Maomao reports back to Jinshi, who... is acting very strangely. I think he's trying to seduce Maomao again. But, why use methods he knows will fail? Just what the hell is going on here?!

Maomao: And what's with his casual attitude recently?

Maomao thinks it's weird too.

He starts by lounging suggestively across the couch. Maomao finishes her report of the facts, and Jinshi asks her to go on... and I think I've figured out what he's up to. She's still holding back, not willing to share her thoughts and theories with him. He's pushing her. He tried talking it out before, and it didn't work, so this is plan B.

He pushes her with a pointed question, and that works! She tells him the facts she knows, her reasoning, and her opinions. Gaoshun and Jinshi share a look. Everything Maomao said aligns with what they already thought about Fengming.

The honey. Does the fact that Jinshi brought it mean anything?

Maomao: Given the way he's lapping up that honey, he must have already suspected her (Fengming).

I actually don't know how she gets to that leap of logic. Does she think he went to request a pot of honey from Garnet Pavilion to investigate himself? Maybe he or Gaoshun really did do that. Maybe that is how Gaoshun discovered that Fengming has a bandaged arm. I don't know.

What does he already know, before Maomao even gives her report? We know he knew about the bandage on Fengming's arm, but didn't tell Maomao about it. She noticed it and figured out it's significance on her own. She realizes that he already knew everything that she reported. So why bother to ask her?

My theory is that he's not sure, but he trusts Maomao's judgement and wanted to hear it from her to confirm his own thoughts, or see if she had any additional insights. Maybe to see if she can tie in any of the other mysteries. Or maybe he is seeing if she is a good spy. Perhaps he will use her this way again in the future, since she performed so well.

For what it's worth, I think he would like to be able to ask her opinion and have it freely given. And they may reach a day where he can simply consult with her, without her pulling away. But that day is not today.

There are also the mysteries of who tried to poison Lady Lishu, and why the servant girl that worked at the Garnet Pavilion was murdered. I think both Jinshi and Maomao would like to know if any of those things are connected.

Jinshi then does something so deeply weird... it's... he.... he tries to put his fingers In. Her. Mouth.

He offers her a pot of honey. An expensive luxury, with medicinal properties. It's something she probably would be willing to accept. However:

✨Jinshi✨: This is for you. Good girls should be rewarded.

She declines, completely freaked out. So he dips his fingers in the honey and corners her. What the absolute fuck Jinshi?!

Maomao: Offer it to someone who wants your fingers in their mouth!

Back the hell off with your honeyed words and your honeyed fingers!

Jinshi: Don't be so modest.

Is he doing this because she smacked his hand off of her shoulder earlier?

Maomao yells for help from Gaoshun, who pretends he can neither see nor hear what is happening. Holy hell. Don't these guys remember her story about nearly being assaulted? What the hell does Jinshi hope to achieve here?

Maomao is pissed at Jinshi, unnerved, and uncomfortable, but she's not triggered into having a trauma response. I think she must know that Jinshi would not force her. Even with the honey, I think he would stop shy of forcing his fingers into her mouth. I think, he thinks he is teasing her (it's harassment as Lady Gyokuyou says when she comes in). Maomao considers fighting. She considers submitting. She considers fleeing, but before she can decide what to do, she has an insight, which is what finally stops Jinshi.

Maomao has a moment where she thinks through some earlier events, like Lady Lishu not wanting to eat honey, and having had an allergic reaction to fish. She draws a connection that Lady Lishu may also be allergic to honey. Then she thinks about the servant girl who was drowned, about Lady Ah Duo, the servants, and Lady Lishu acting shady. And... I'm not sure what connection they have to honey, but I'm glad Maomao was able to connect all of the events. I knew she could do it, even if I can't!

My hero, Lady Gyokuyou walks in and Jinshi is caught honey red handed. And he runs away, like the guilty asshole that he is. Did I say he had heroic qualities earlier? I take it all back.

Gaoshun calls Maomao "Xiaomao" and tries to make excuses for Jinshi, calling this a prank that went to far. And barf. Fuck that excuse. And boy do I think there is some commentary happening here about sexual harassment and rape culture, but I won't digress into it.

Maomao: Since it was nothing but harmless fun, next time you can do the licking for me?

So, what is the point of this scene?

I've thought about it, and I'm swinging in the dark, but I think Jinshi is acting bizarrely because he is getting desperate. We've seen him slowly unraveling for awhile now, as he struggles between craving authenticity, and living up to the expectations of his status. To be clear, what he did is way across the line. It's certainly across the line in Maomao's eyes. It's also crossing the lines of propriety which is why Gaoshun pretends not to see, and why Lady Gyokuyou reacts so strongly when she sees it. But I think Jinshi has even crossed a line of his own that he normally wouldn't. So what would compel this usually composed and calculating man to behave in such an unhinged way?

Well I think it comes down to a few key events that happened recently.

Maomao left.

Jinshi has gotten rather used to having Maomao around. Being able to call upon her whenever he wants to take advantage of her incredible mind and unmatched skills. Or if he just wants to tease her or banter with her. She's the one who sees him. The one who makes him feel like he's a person, and not like he's just filling a role. So when he shows up and she's just... gone. Well. Jinshi did not like it.

He thought he lost her to another man.

Not only was she gone. She was gone with another man! Hadn't Jinshi been clear enough when he gave her a hair pin? How can she prefer Lihaku?! Also, doesn't she shrink away or cringe whenever Jinshi tries to touch her? How could she allow herself to be with Lihaku?! It turned out she wasn't physical with Lihaku, but for a moment there he saw what could happen. Jinshi did not like it.

Maomao's despair

That the machinations of the palace could tangle Maomao and get her killed, and that Jinshi would be powerless to stop it, well... This is intolerable to Jinshi.

Mix these feelings of loneliness, jealousy, and desperation and we get a Jinshi that is irrational. We've usually seen Jinshi in control of himself and everyone else around him. He's the mastermind, who knows how to move the pieces around the board to produce the outcome that he wants. And if he feels some way about what's going on around him or inside him, we usually have to guess, because he doesn't have anyone that he can talk to about it. So to now see him behave without thought, or reason, just from a place of desperation, of wanting to connect with Maomao, who just won't let him in, no matter what he does. Well, it's really weird, and inexcusable, but also kind of sad.

Whatever the case may be, Maomao uses this opportunity to ask Gaoshun for a favor. She's put the pieces together and now she needs evidence. Gaoshun accompanies her to visit Lady Lishu. His presence implies that the visit is sanctioned by Jinshi, which it is not. Maomao feels he owes her this one.

She wants to ask Lady Lishu about honey. Things are starting to come together for Maomao but I'm lost. I haven't figured out how exactly the conspiracy works yet, or what connection Lady Lishu has with the Garnet Pavilion. In any case, Lady Lishu had a dangerous reaction to honey as an infant and was told to never again eat it. And when Maomao asks about Fengming, Lady Lishu looks downright terrified. I'm also remembering that Lady Lishu was the child bride of the former emperor, and was mother-in-law to Lady Ah-Duo. That little tidbit probably wasn't dropped into this story for no reason. Just what is the connection between Lady Lishu, Lady Ah-Duo, and Fengming? Whatever Maomao suspected she didn't share it and now I'm starting to understand how Jinshi feels because I also want to force her to tell me what she thinks!

Gaoshun may not be a fan of JinMao but he is becoming quite a fan of "Xiaomao." He's giving her cutesy names and doing her favors with no reward. He has seen the way her brilliant mind works, her passion for protecting the powerless, her composure under pressure, and her superior competencies. She's earned his respect. When she asks, he searches through the court library, without question.

Wait a god damn minute. Honey. Lady Ah Duo's child appeared dead because they gave him honey. Of course they did, they have honey in abundance at the Garnet Pavilion. Then when the doctor was called he... took him out of the palace to safety? No that doesn't sound right. If the baby were a girl I would say yes, and that the baby was Maomao. But if that were true and we assumed that the emperor was her father, and we assume that Jinshi is the emperor's brother, than that would make Jinshi Maomao's uncle. Lol! Perfect. Absolutely perfect. But I don't think that's right.

So I've thought some more and I'm reminded that someone said the Emperor and Lady Ah Duo were foster siblings. I'd like to know more about that scenario, but regardless, I wonder if they truly saw themselves more like siblings than as spouses. I wonder if they didn't have physical relations at all. It would explain why they never had another baby in the many years they have been married. But then how did Lady Ah Duo end up pregnant you may ask. Well, there are not a lot of named male characters in this show that could fit the bill, so with my limited information, and a shot in the dark, I'm going to guess Sir Kounen. He was around in the palace with access to the imperial family, which we know because he had an impact on young Jinshi. Was he friends with the Emperor and Lady Ah Duo? Did Lady Ah Duo used to ride horses with him, then sit under the stars? Was that why she was drinking while stargazing at the top of the episode? Was she toasting to her past lover? I don't know. I don't really have any evidence at all.

So then what is with Fengming burning secret communication sticks? Well, if we consider that Lady Ah-Duo sneaks out to go horseback riding or meet up with her fellow who isn't the emperor, then maybe those communication sticks are for setting up secret rendezvous.

When Maomao was figuring out the connection of honey to every as yet unsolved mystery, she thought about how honey can nearly kill an infant, she thought about the servant girl who was murdered, and of Lady Ah-Duo, and if Jinshi is that baby, and honey was used to feint his death, then maybe the reason the servant was killed, was because she found out that the baby that was born was not the emperor's, or maybe that the baby lived. Or maybe she found out about Lady Au Duo having an affair, or maybe she saw Fengming using the secret communication sticks. Hmmm, could be a lot of things. There are a lot of secrets to keep in the Garnet Pavilion.

But how does Lady Lishu tie in? Am I way off here?

So I guess I'm now leaning towards Lady Ah-Duo's baby being Jinshi. Was Sir Kounen actually his father? And that would make Jinshi 17. He seems older to me. With all of his responsibilities, that makes me very sad to think he's so young.

There were two baby boys born around the same time, the baby of the emperor and the baby of the crown prince. Was there a baby swap in the palace? Did the emperor's child die? And they replaced that child with the Lady Ah-Duo's baby? Therefor removing Lady Ah-Duo's baby from the line of succession, since the child is a bastard and isn't actually of the imperial bloodline. That would kind of fit with how Jinshi is treated.

But you may ask, if Jinshi were Lady Ah Duo's baby and honey almost killed him at an infant, how can he sit around lapping it up now as an adult? Well, babies' deadly reaction to honey isn't due to an allergy, it's a rare infection. So even if you have a reaction as a baby, that doesn't mean you can't eat it as an adult. Will this be relevant later? Is that why the storytellers made such a spectacle of the honey scene? So we would remember it later?

Also, Maomao thinks it strange that the current emperor only had one concubine while he was still crown prince. That's even stranger if that one concubine was his foster sister whom he didn't have a physical relationship with. Did he also have a secret lover on the side? In the annex maybe? Perhaps someone that it wasn't appropriate to make into an official concubine? Perhaps Maomao's mother? Do we even know any characters that could fit this role? Fengming, maybe? The emperor comes to visit Lady Ah Duo, but he's actually there to see her head lady in waiting? Is Fengming actually using the communication sticks to set up a rendezvous for herself with the emperor? Did the lady in waiting find out, and the emperor's people had her killed? But Fengming is quite a bit older than the emperor so that's probably not it either.

Ahhhhgggg! This episode is too confusing! I give up! I want to threaten Maomao with some honeyed fingers and make her tell me what's going on!

I am really sorry to the people who read all of this. I have nothing good to offer you this episode. Just a ton of really wild, conjectures. Maybe I should take Luomen's advice and keep some of those to myself. Or maybe put them to use in writing a fanfic. lol.

If you want to start this blog series at the beginning:

Episode 1

Next episode:

Episode 11

[templetogavage]

Hey there! I've noticed a few tags appearing on multiple posts like 'gone to seed' and 'sampling the beefcake', and I was wondering if you had like. A directory for all the different tags you use?

Not as of yet! So I guess I should start.

General

#adipose answers: This tag identifies ask answers.

#fattening feed: This tag identifies reblogged content.

#delectable diet: This tag identifies original content.

#rotund roundup: This tag identifies roundup content.

#weekly weighing: This tag identifies weekly roundup content.

#content type: [type]: This tag identifies the type of content featured: text, audio, video, photo, art, or AI art (AI art is separated because I know some prefer not to see it).

Body

These tags refer to body type, mostly, but includes a few other factors about how a man looks.

#bears out of provincetown: This tag applies to men with the bearish quality- hairy, perhaps a bit of muscle, typically a firmer gut, and with a hint of masculinity. This is mostly about Vibes and doesn't require all of the things I just mentioned, and I rarely tag this with #chasable chub.

#chasable chub: This tag applies to men without the bearish quality- hairless, lacking muscle, with a softer gut, and with more of a feminine energy. This is mostly about Vibes and doesn't require all of the things I just mentioned, and I rarely tag this with #bears out of provincetown.

Dynamic

These tags refer to whether there is a dominant, versatile, or submissive element to the post.

#throwing his weight around: This is the fat man as the bully, the boss; he is bigger and better and badder than you, and he can prove it.

#lard work and delicatessen: This is the fat man as the gainer, the man who has dedicated time and effort to getting as big as he is, and wants to show it off. (Self-assured and dominant, but submissive in its desire for worship)

#prize hog at the county fair: This is the fat man as the helpless hedonist, the pig who needs to be fed, who is being fattened up for someone else's pleasure.

Props

These tags describe additional elements of the post that make it hot, in my opinion. Typically this is an aesthetic, props, etc.

#a massive man in uniform: This tag applies to men in police, firefighter, military, and sometimes particularly formal attire. Anything that could pass as a Halloween costume if needed, basically? If I think the clothes he's wearing make him hot because of what they represent, it goes here.

#dressed for excess: This tag applies to men who are peeking out of, bursting out of, or otherwise struggling to fit into the clothes that they are wearing. Tight clothes, but also shirts riding up.

#geek physique: This tag applies to men who have props that make them seem like big geeks or nerds. Video game console? D&D paraphernalia?

Kinks

These tags describe other kinks that for me, overlap and intertwine with gaining & encouraging, but are separate enough that they're tagged to represent that flavor of post.

#bound to immobility: This tag refers to an emphasis on immobility, difficulty moving, etc. Anything in the realm of immobility kink goes here.

#funhealthy lifestyle: This tag refers to an emphasis on unhealthy gaining. Unhealthy eating, sedentary lifestyle, smoking if I ever find a post like that I'm into which is rare...

#measure twice cut once: This tag refers to an emphasis on measurement and numbers. Tape measurements, stats about clothing sizes, popping buttons, etc.

#temple to gluttony: This tag refers to an emphasis on feederism, food, chugging, and similar things that are visceral and physical and specifically highlighting eating.

[Will be updated as I write up more of my tagging system.]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for making my SIL leave my wedding?

I got married a few weeks ago to my husband, whom id been dating for nearly 8 and a half years beforehand.

I never got along with my fiance's sister, shes always been the spoiled brat type. Like, she gets away with literally everything and gets nearly everything handed down to her. It doesn't help we all went to school together and she was primarily one of my bullies, but her behavior up to now has lead all of this to happen, and on my wedding day no less. His sister is 32.

I'm gonna preface this by saying: Navy Blue was my gown color, the bridesmaids, what SIL was, were supposed to wear white. She had agreed to it as well. The other color was Gold; and the entire wedding was nautically themed. I also asked the bridesmaids, including SIL, to not wear anything extremely revealing (as SIL tends to wear very revealing clothes that literally sometimes have private areas of herself show out, she's not a curvy girl, so it's not the clothes hugging her too tightly, which even if that were the case that would somehow be infinitely better than her wearing what she does and the way she does currently).

The day before the wedding, SIL informs me that she bought a very pretty dress for the wedding. I tell her that that's great and if she wouldn't mind sending me a picture, which she does. The dress was white in the photos, and she was in the dressing room it appeared like when the photos were taken. I told her the dress looked beautiful, because I really did think it did look pretty, and she typed me a message about how excited she was for the wedding the next day.

The next day comes around and the wedding is about to get started. SIL was about an hour to 2 hours late on arrival, so we initially started the service without her. We waited as long as we could.

Around the time when the pastor asks "does anyone object the groom or bride" or whatever, she comes bursting in (oddly at the most convenient time) in a RED and BLACK dress, that literally hugged her so tight her boobs looked like they were gonna pop from her chest at any second. At any shift of the chest, a nip slip would have been certain. The whole damn service looks to see my SIL, standing in the damn door, crying about how 'we started without her' and how 'it took her forever to find the perfect dress.'

Regardless, we continue the wedding because I don't want my special day ruined, and I decided to put the fact she didn't even have the right color on and the fact she arrived nearly two hours late to the whole thing behind me.

That was until she touched my fucking cake.

We hadn't even done the cake cutting yet, and I see my SIL helping herself to TWO slices of the cake my husband and I have not been able to cut yet, as we were waiting to cut it later in the evening back at our hotel for our own private time to celebrate our marriage, but no. She was helping herself.

I decided to march up to her, I pulled my husband along the side with me as well. He was equally upset that she was eating the cake that was supposed to be for us; we had a timed eat event that was themed after the hobbit meals and dinner was the last meal. (None of the meals were so big and fattening that it would be unhealthy I promise lol). I look at her and ask her what shes doing, to which she just looks at me and says

"I didn't wanna wait anymore. I got bored."

At that point, I did pull her hair and push her around a bit before my husband's friend pulled me away and my husband ushered her out the door. My husband doesn't think AITA, but his family says I should have handled it differently even if she did several things she was told NOT to do, she did it anyway, and immediately attempted to shift it to being bored.

AITA here? Was I unjustifiably upset?

Note: Everything down to a T was mentioned and explained several times before the wedding. The colors, what would be happening with the meal after the service, what would be on the menu per say, and so much more. She literally and intentionally does this ALL the time, whether it's a formal or casual event.

What are these acronyms?

[poindexters-labratory]

Talk about your version of William or I will spill hallucinogenic nightmare gas all over your blog =3

OKAY, FINE, YOU FORCED MY HAND

...heheheheh. >:3

Hurricane William Afton Lore Dump Part One

!!CW Warning!!: mentions of abuse, religious trauma, religious OCD, alcohol abuse, underage drinking and drug use, and addiction

William Anise Afton was born October 10, 1947 in a wooded area of Reading, a borough in Berkshire, England, to a shit awful family. This family consisted of his father (Edward), mother (Grace), and four older siblings (two older brothers and two older sisters), making William the baby of the family. The way they were shit awful, I'm not going to get into.

He went to Catholic school until he was twelve and developed a pretty big obsession with death during primary school because of a belief that what was happening to him with his family was his fault, making him guilty of sin, therefore condemning him to Hell at the age of nine. This resulted in obsessive thoughts that had him believe that everywhere he went, he was in mortal danger and had to prepare himself to die. He was petrified of dying because he always believed he was just meant to go to Hell and be tortured even before he got older.

Psychology bit: OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) can be a wide range of obsessive thoughts combatted with a wide range of compulsive behavior. In William's case, he has obsessional intrusive thoughts about death and Hell, which leads him to stay away from situations where he could die and be tortured for eternity, which is the compulsion. He avoided streets, stairs, heights, etc. the best he could for a long time.

When he was twelve, his father took him away after he discovered the at-home circumstances were horrible for the youngest member of the family. William then moved to London with his father, and they lived in the place where Edward worked, which was a mechanic shop he supervised for the owner of a small company.

Edward Afton had always been cold and old-fashioned, he was a veteran of the second World War, Irish, and very smart. He was also a mean bastard, an alcoholic, and emotionally unavailable for his traumatized son that he called Billy (even though that was nowhere near William's name, no matter how many times he was told it was a nickname). Not to mention that William confused him, and Edward didn't like things he couldn't understand.

William had always been... different. He was a shy and quiet boy, nose always in a book, (Will's favorites being Alice in Wonderland, The Velveteen Rabbit, The Wind in the Willows, and whatever books he could find with fantastical animals involved), had stereotypically feminine interests and habits compared to his older brothers when they were growing up, and had an odd obsession with rabbits.

Edward tried for a few years to "fix" him, to make Will "more like a boy". This included getting him involved in fixing cars, which William took to quickly, and bullying him out of his habits. Seemingly.

At this point in time, William was feeling a lot of shame for his lack of masculinity, self-conscious about his appearance, teenage hormones going haywire as he wasn't developing to fit the description of what people said a man should look like, and his father seemingly hating him more every day. This drew him to a group of boys that roamed the streets of London around his father's workplace. They were tough, toxically masculine, everything William thought he was missing.

This is where we mention William has always been charming and charismatic. He's learned it from the books he's read, movies he's seen, and stories he's heard. It's how he got money, food, books, and short-term relationships out of people whenever he wanted/needed it. The people he's charmed generally liked him, even though he was a stupid kid. At fourteen, he joined the rocker group that roamed around where he lived.

For a few years, to the age of seventeen, he ran around with them, dressed like them, did what they did, and became increasingly loud, impulsive, spiteful, incredibly violent, very tall, developed his father's drinking problem, and a drug addiction (that he kept secret). He dropped out of secondary school and had no plans other than someday soon he'd curl up into a ball and die somewhere. He didn't really care if he died at that point in time, William was too exhausted to care, and he lost his belief in a god and an afterlife. All of that shit he heard in primary school was just a scary story.

Then he met Henry in spring of 1964. Henry Emily was a twenty-year-old American student attending one of the universities for an engineering degree. He was working in that mechanic shop, the same one his father supervised; a trade offer given to him by the owner who knew Henry's father when they both served in World War II. The trade was this owner would pay for Henry's schooling while Henry (who was a mechanical genius apparently) would work in this shop.

History Bit: The 1960s was regarded as the "counterculture decade" in America, and in England, "The Swinging Sixties". There were massive differences between the two countries' views on the changing world and the changing cultures between them. One of the biggest things that caused this culture shift was widespread television access, giving the younger generation access to the world around them. American society was also thrown into the Vietnam War with the draft being set in place in 1966. There were many American movements in the decade, such as civil rights, anti-war, and gay rights, all seen as a direct attack on the "American way of life". England didn't have much involvement in the Vietnam War, the new generation was trying to move past the post-war era their parents came from. This will become relevant later.

William and Henry met on the circumstances that Will was trying to steal some of his stuff. From all Will's rummaging around in his stuff, he discovered some drawings of Fredbear (at this point, just known as Fred). This seemed to snap William out of this stupor he'd been in because he also had an animal character he'd draw. A golden yellow rabbit with purple eyes, that wore a little bow and waistcoat. He just called it Bunny (generating names wasn't his strong suit).

William couldn't pass up on the opportunity to meet someone that actually liked the same things as him. So, they talked. And then talked some more. And then spent the entire day together. And then they became best friends. Henry was reserved, calm, and headstrong, able to balance out William's high energy and impulsive nature.

The two of them could talk for hours on end about their animal characters (autistic people at their finest), pretty soon associating them with the other. Animatronics just started as a joke, both of them having an appreciation for Walt Disney and his Audio-Animatronics. Then it kind of stopped being a joke when Henry started brainstorming ideas for how a giant singing bear might actually work.

History Bit: Walt Disney coined the term "Audio-Animatronic" in 1961, the first of their kind being Disney's "Enchanted Tiki Birds" debuting in the Disneyland Resort, June 23, 1963.

Throughout the year, they became closer, and William started to feel more and more like a person living a life instead of going through the motions to survive. His mental health started to get better and he was slowly starting to express himself in the ways that he wanted to. He broke away from the rocker subculture and gained some social independence, doing what he really enjoyed doing, which was talking to Henry about Fred and Bonnie (Bunny renamed), reading on everything to help them on their journey to making a giant animatronic, drawing the two characters together, being Henry's best friend, and he was very happy.

Henry invited William to come back to his hometown in Utah (which William had never even heard of) and their goal became getting him across the Atlantic, slowly working off of his addictions and dependences. They were talking about owning a restaurant now with Fred and Bonnie as entertainment, everything was going to be perfect. But then there was a wrench in that plan.

William got mixed up with an upper-class girl slightly older than him, nineteen-year-old Claire-Marie Schmidt. He got her pregnant and neither of them wanted to abort the pregnancy and William didn't want to leave her to deal with this by herself because this was his fault, so Claire hung around to the displeasure of Henry.

Henry is just like William in a lot of ways. First of all, he gets jealous easily and second of all, he's lonely. All of William's attention seemed to get taken away by Claire and this unborn baby, and he felt abandoned. Not to mention that William and this girl had to get married per traditional values of Claire's father which they both respected. The baby was due in July and Henry was graduating in May, leaving soon after that. William could only pick one or the other. And he chose his wife. It was a painful and bitter goodbye at the airport, and William had to watch his one friend leave, not sure if he'd ever see or hear from him again.

He saw him again after about three minutes.

Henry cancelled his flight last second because he couldn't make a huge mistake like this. They made plans for all three of them to fly to Utah and that summer they did.

As soon as Claire got to close her eyes in the bed within the Emily ranch house, the contractions started, and Michael John Edward Afton was born a few weeks early in that room. When William laid eyes on Michael for the first time, something changed. Nothing else mattered more than who was in his arms right now, he loved nothing more. Of course, William got huffy when they had to give Michael back to Claire.

William and Claire had an interesting relationship. They didn't love each other like a married couple would, they were very good friends if anything. They confided in each other, told each other their problems, but William was a gay man and Claire knew this, and had no issue with it. They loved each other as good friends, they weren't romantically or sexually inclined to the other, so they formed an agreement that she could do what she wanted, and he could do what he wanted. And it worked for a while.

Part 2 ->

[eumppattv]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐘𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐖𝐈𝐂𝐇

four 𖦹 why korean dispatch, why?

I walked up the stairs, making my way to the small coffee shop located on the third floor of the Music Bank building. At first I had been angry at Chaeryeong for setting up this “meeting” with Gunwook, but as the shop comes into view, and the smell of coffee and sweets seeps it’s way through my nose; I start to feel at ease. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, and from what I had seen that cursed day on Weekly Idol, Gunwook was a sweet guy.

My thoughts were interrupted as my name was called. “Y/n over here!”, I glanced in his direction, seeing him already sitting at a small table near the corner of the room. He was smiling, and I found his oddly cute. He kept signaling me to come sit down, and so I obeyed. If I had to meet with the guy whose fans bullied me, I would at least try and have a good time. Plus, we had to go onstage later in the day for awards, so I could take this as a chance to squash any awkwardness between us.

The next twenty minutes consisted of us talking about our rise to debut, and sharing our concerns for the future. I found the boy to be easy going, and extremely nice. Despite his bigger build, he was cute, and it made more sense when I found out we were the same age. While we talked and drank our coffee’s, I envied that he could have so much fun, while I had so much pressure from my company to deliver. He seemed at peace with his fame, and while he spoke about his tight schedule, his appearance remained relaxed.

“You know Gunwook” I took the last sip of my coffee before continuing, his full attention on me. “I wish I could be more like you. Free of responsibility, fun and just overall alive. It’s hard for me, with us being only four members. It means any mistake is highlighted. And of course you know how that goes for me”.

He stayed silent for a couple seconds, lost in thought before he gave me a serious look. “I’m honored you think I’m all those things. Not to burst your bubble but, I worry so much I think my head is going to explode. I worry that I get overshadowed by my members, or that I’m not talented enough to keep up with them. I worry that I’m not enough physically and that it will affect the opportunities I get. And I especially worried when you went through a rough time because of me. But I will say, I’ve had much more fun here with you then in the last couple months”.

Could he see my blush? God I hoped not. I looked away, suddenly interested in whatever was outside the window. He chuckled, leaning forward into the table. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. I just meant I liked hanging out with you, and maybe we could do this again.” I dares to look back at him, feeling my heart beat faster and faster. He was charismatic, too charismatic. “I would love to. I’ll let you know when I’m free”. I returned his smile, still hoping my cheeks weren’t too red. As if on cue, my phone dinged showing a message from the members. “I guess it’s time to go back” he said, also looking down at his own device. “Yeah..” To be honest, I didn’t want to go just yet- but I would never admit that. Still, it was time to return to the real world, where I don’t get my way.

“So, where were you?” Yuqi asked, raising her eyebrows. “I went to the downstairs store to get a drink” I lied, trying hard to keep my composure. “Hmm okay. Our stylist is waiting in your dressing room, so be quick.” I let out a sigh of relief as she walked away, feeling proud of my lying skills.

As I walked into the room, I wondered if I would see Gunwook on stage. Would he acknowledge me? I hoped he would, but then again I knew he wouldn’t dare to after his scandal. What was I even saying? I needed to focus on my job, not some boy I just met. I didn’t even know him, I had to be realistic. I just need to get him out of my mind, and get through the night.

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 | 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭୧ ‧₊˚

> 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 (closed) ꒰ bold cant be tagged

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