#and also also had bc I go back to school tmrw and don’t want to get anyone there sick either ! fuck

[alittleemo]

guys what are the symptoms of Covid these days. my friend j told us all she has Covid and now I can’t tell if I already had a sore throat, manifested one, or if it’s covid :||

[bo0zey]

my friend who doesn’t have adhd and just wants an adderall perscription: i definitely have adhd like i never pay attention and i’m such a procrastinator omg lol btw i’m at the library studying and doing homework that’s not due until 3 days ugh what are you doing have you started studying yet we have those worksheets due tomorrow remember and it’s already 6pm! omg what do u mean u haven’t started the paper yet it’s literally due in 3 hrs omg no it’s ok i’ll just send u mine bc i’ve been working on it all day haha and omg i’m trying to pay attention to the lecture can u stop talking to me why r u reading online manga in class the exam is in 2 days pay attention! also i need caffeine to stay awake i love monster energy drinks they work so well i won’t be able to sleep tonight oh no also i took adderall 3hrs ago and now i’m super anxious but it’s not the adderall lol ugh i won’t be able to sleep tonjght ughh

me, someone who actually has adhd, pre-diagnosis: studying is so hard and i don’t want to do it and i literally can’t until hours before the exam and by then i’m so exhausted bc it’s like 3am but if i drink coffee or monster or bang i just get sleepier also i procrastinate entire research papers including the research hours before the due date even tho i knew abt the paper for a month and i wrote it in my assignment notebook every day knowing i needed to do it and i drink coffee before bed bc it relaxes me n makes me sleepy im constantly moving and shifting in my seat in class and i got paid 4 hrs ago and bought $500 worth of amazon products and now i don’t have any money for groceries for the next 2 weeks my thoughts go so fast and they’re so loud i can’t follow a conversation let alone a class lecture paying attention to anything i don’t care abt but am supposed to is impossible if i don’t write everything i need to do down i will forget about it and if i put my keys or vape or anything somewhere besides it’s designated spot for 1 minute i will literally forget where it is and if something isn’t directly in my line of sight i will forget i have it so i have to place everything in my line of sight for me to remember to use it and ok i’m at work i have a 14hr shift and a set of tasks i need to complete omg i’m so overwhelmed and frazzled i write down the list of tasks every shift and check off boxes to remember to do things but even then i still fall behind and why am i overwhelmed i know what i have to do please don’t ask me to do that thing i’m already trying to remember to do one thing ahhh ok i’m so exhausted it’s 12am and everyone’s asleep i have 3hrs left of my shift omg i’m so bored and tired ok i will have coffee and an energy drink to wake up bc i don’t wanna fall asleep here and i have an hour drive back home and oh wow i am now driving on the way and dozing off i am so sleepy sleepy sleepy why can’t i stay i awake i had 300mg of caffeine like 2hrs ago i’m going to crash the car why isn’t this energy drink working and hmm ok it’s now monday night i have school tmrw it’s 11pm i guess i’ll try n sleep i have class at 9am oh wait what is this sudden wakefulness i feel i am very awake i think i will maybe try to do homework to get tired actually no i think i will go on the internet instead hmm look at those cool show i think i will watch it ugh ok that was the longest 30min of my life i will not be able to watch another episode for at least 2 days probably oh it’s 3am i need to sleep but i can’t shut my brain off ugh oh no this sucks i hate myself why can’t i just get my shit together i know what i have to do but i just can’t fucking do it it’s so frustrating i’m trying so hard but i keep self sabotaging why why why

me, after being diagnosed w adhd and starting medication: wow for the first time in 8 years i’m actually paying attention in class and actively following what my professor is saying. i think i will do some homework now so i am not overwhelmed later. uh oh my dishes are starting to stack up i think i will clean them instead of starting a new pile. hmm my room is getting a little messy i think i will put things away including the clean clothes on that chair i’d been avoiding putting away for a week. i am following our conversation and i will wait until you are finished until it is my turn to speak instead of blurting out or interrupting you. oh i just got paid! hmm do i really need all of that online shopping stuff..? i think i will wait for a little bit and come back to it if i rlly want it bc what if something happens during the week and i need money to pay for it? oh i have to go to work it’s a 14hr shift; i am able to complete the tasks i need to do with ease bc i know what to do and when to do them and am no longer overwhelmed. i don’t need to drink that energy drink bc i know it will just make me more sleepy and i’ll doze off at the wheel on the highway and i don’t want that! ok i’m home yawn i think i will try n go to sleep it’s 11pm and i am genuinely tired.

[cluelesslesbian]

Check-In Tag✨

AKA a very long post about moi and this account bc I was tagged by the lovely @katelfiredemon <3

IF YOU SEE THIS, PRETEND I'M TAGGING U like this is completely optional (and long omg) so I don't wanna FORCE anyone to do it but asjhkl I think it's cute

1. why did you choose your url?

My og url was something dumb bc I only used tumblr to keep up with artists and writers I admired… this one is revamped to be ~relatable~ bc I wanted something that I felt comfortable adding on my art?? But ok-

clueless = because THERE’S TIMES THAT I’M A LIL SLOW TO GET A JOKE SDFHJKL

lesbian = bc I’m not out to my family but my sexuality is something I like about me,,, so I wanted to acknowledge it somewhere (and the anonymity of tumblr = ideal tbh)

2. any side blogs? if you have them: name them and why you have them

I made one like yesterday lol! It’s @blue-dragon-shin-ah and it’s for Akatsuki no Yona (an anime and manga I TOTALLY rec! It’s like a historical themed fantasy, comedy, romance WITH a found family trope it’s so good)

but ngl I have no clue how to keep track of more than 1 blog so it'll be a lot more inactive than this one asdhkl

3. how long you’ve been on tumblr?

hmm according to my tumblr account it’d be 2016 since that’s the oldest post I’ve kept (I deleted everything and revamped this acc in december 2020)

BUT I did the math and I would’ve made this account in middle school so around 2013-2014 lol I don’t think I used it much until voltron was booming in like 2016-2018.. Then I lowkey stopped… until now!

4. do you have a queue tag?

oof no

……...I probably should? like 90% of my blog is queued or scheduled… but ngl I barely remember to tag posts at ALL some nights so I probably won’t (rip if that’s annoying,, but I don’t make much og content so I figure anyone following me is chill with this lol)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

In middle school?? To see funny posts and not be pressured into having an ~online presence~ tbh. That’s literally it lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and keith's expressions r hilarious

Before I just,,, chose sokka bc I love that blue boi and the edit of him had a yellow bg that I LOVED (and matched with my pink theme)

7. why did you choose your header?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and klance sdjfhk

Before it was just a colour palette bc I wanted my blog to be my fav colour: PINK

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

My zukka art omg- like I did one that I put effort into which I KNOW is my top post (it’s got like 600 notes??? I still can’t believe it I love that!! 🥰)

BUT MY SECOND TOP IS A POST OF REALLY REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF THEM AND I LOWKEY CRINGE AT IT (it’s got like 500 notes.. And I’m like… y ?? I can DO BETTER 😭)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

…...listen I’ve literally never had mutuals until this year (minus my one irl.. I love u bitch!! but u know that bc we text on other platforms too)

idek am i supposed to be keeping track??? I just smile a lot when i see the darker-tinted notifs in my activity feed

10. how many followers do you have?

hmmmmmmm ok i lowkey don’t want to answer this bc my whole love for tumblr is that followers don’t matter? You could follow me today and unfollow tmrw bc i ship something you don’t and life moves on??? So yeah no answer here

11. how many people do you follow?

1807 babeyyyy

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

...wait define shitpost- technically any original post under #yeetidk might be a shitpost cause they’re all just?? my shitty rambles tbh???

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Sometimes i’ve got the app open allll day long but other days?? I’ll go on like once in the morning or at night just to check my notifs and then that’s it

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

lmaoo bold of you to assume i interact with anyone enough to have a fight (AKA no)

If i did tho?? I’m the type to try and come to some middle ground before dropping the issue so idk- i’m more likely to lose bc i’m willing to （づ￣3￣）

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Wish-granting/curse stuff: no.

Politics/Donation posts: depends! I try to only reblog posts like these that I know a bit about bc I don’t really wanna contribute to misinformation ykno?

I did start tagging these posts as #important but I’m not like?? gonna be mad at anyone for not reblogging political posts (also a heads-up if you wanted to block #important: I also tag some lgbt+ stuff under there so you’ll likely miss those too, not a huuuge loss but just an fyi yknow??)

16. do you like tag games?

asdfghjkl this is honestly the first tag game i’ve ever been part of so i have no opinion 😭 tho formatting this post has been a bitch asdhjkl I gotta get back to my homework when I'm finally done this

17. do you like ask games?

I've done a grand total of 1 and I felt so?? ashgjl awkward and bad for asking people to talk to me about myself- maybe if I do one that isn't about me I'll like it more

I do love sending other people anons to compliment them when they do these games tho 😌

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

....this requires me to pay attention to people I follow more than I have been so I literally have no idea??

19. do i have a crush on a mutual?

yes. the one readings this. love u, sweetheart 😘

/jokes

I don't?? usually get crushes? idek.. thought I was aromantic for a while bc of that lmaoo (but then I got a crush on someone irl and I was like "oooh ok so maybe im just gay then")

[cursedsunoo]

is it alright if i rant? idk why but i’ve been feeling really overwhelmed and just sort of sad recently,, (the only things that are a distraction from my stress are enha videos) i’ve been getting really bad migraines and i’ve missed a lot of school bc of it and i honestly just don’t enjoy school anymore, it used to be smtg that i felt gives me like a purpose but as the day goes on, i just feel worse… i’ve always tried my best to be a happy person for myself and others but sometimes i just want to be free to be myself and complain, but my parents think i’m being disrespectful when i’m not actively smiling or anything, i just don’t know how to act, i feel alone but at the same time i have friends and know a lot of people that make me happy from our interactions.. i often go through these phases of sadness and just have to hope that i’ll have a positive mentality tmrw (manifesting and positive affirmations usually help) i’m also really stressed abt my age, i have like 3 years till i graduate and i still don’t really know what i want to do, nothing stands out to me and i’m worried that i’ll force myself into smtg that i will regret for the rest of my life, all these things are really stressing me out, i really wish that i could go back to virtual school, i had such a blast last year, it was a very relaxing school experience and i miss it so much, now that school is in person, i just can’t handle things, my life literally revolves around school now and i only sleep for like 4 hours, it’s really messing me up and i just don’t know what to do

hey love, your situation sounds similar to my own, so i’ll just say what i try to remind myself —

it’s okay to not know what you want to do after high school — a lot of kids i know take a year (or even three) to figure out what’s appealing to them. instead of focusing on one single thing to go into, maybe pick a branch — something in the sciences, the arts, emergency services, etc. (it also helps to figure out your own morals and wishes!)

i’m graduating soon, and i have no idea what i want to do with my life besides that i want to help people and make a difference — i’ve thought about becoming an emt, an emergency communicator, and even getting involved in group home work. when you group together the main things you want out of your life (impacting other’s lives for an example) it can really open up your horizons — but please, don’t rush into it just because your schools pressure you (they have no control over what you decide to you with your life in the end!)

parents can be stubborn and difficult to communicate with, especially when you’re a teen — most times problems are blamed on puberty or just the fact that you’re in your teen years in general. not everything is gonna be sunshine and rainbows, so unfortunately you just have to put up with the way they see your unhappiness as (it sucks, i know, but eventually it’ll click that not everything is as black and white as they see it)

^ if you feel comfortable, you could always sit down with them and talk to them about it — i know not all family relationships are the same, but it never hurts to try and communicate with them about important stuff like that

lastly, please do focus on yourself — it sounds ignorant and selfish, but you have to put yourself before others. be it sleep, eating, or personal care in general, the key to a healthy and happy life is a happy you. so whenever you’re feeling bad, put on some enhypen videos and let yourself laugh and smile to it, and when school becomes stressful, take a step back and take a breath — teachers (for the most part) are understanding of mental health and the struggles that teens are going through with covid)

i personally had to talk to my teacher about missing assignments (a depressive episode that i had gone through had resulted in me sleeping the days away and skipping class completely) and lay it out that i wasn’t in the best mindset, and without hesitation, she had told me to take my time and breathe.

moral of the story — take your time, breathe, and focus on the things that make you happy : only then can you properly get back into the groove of things

[oakandcirrus]

the only times i feel normal <3

was goood day. went down to a river. walked in the river. dropped my camera in the river. its currently sitting in a bag o’ rice. i am afraid for it.

also this river had crawdads in it. horrifying little beasts. like tiny lobsters. i hate them. and the reflections on the water made it hard to see them. i was standing right over one and didn’t know it. so ew ew ewwwww tiny lobsters don’t belong in rivers. river otters and ducks belong in rivers. anyway.

i sat on a bench that was wedged between two oaks and listened to fleetwood mac and wrote and read mary oliver (pls for the love of god go read to begin with, sweet grass) but my family is impatient so i only got to sit in lovely peace for five minutes. once i get my license im gonna sit by a river or by the ocean or wherever i want for however long i want to. that would be a lovely freedom to have.

then we went to my favorite coastal town and i found a handmade ceramic mug at a thrift store for two bucks and then we went to the bakery and got the best sourdough outside san francisco (its all that seaside air yeast) plus some croissants and sandwiches and it was a wonderful day.

oh also im finally going back to school tmrw. after like three weeks. im scared for all the catch-up work bc im so behind and also scared my friends are going to treat me like an infected individual and yea

[yikeswtfmate]

(1) New Message from Unknown Number

main masterlist // (1) New Message Masterlist // next part

Summary: Y/N is drunk and can’t remember her ex’s number.

A/N: Hello, it is I, the idiot who writes Social Media AUs when she’s drunk but is too lazy to put them in the proper format and just leaves them to die somewhere on her laptop

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Social Media AU - that’s a lie, it’s actually just texts in Word format 🤡)

Warnings: swearing, dumbassery

Unknown Number: Hey asshat so listen

Unknown Number: I kno we hvnt spoken since like

Unknown Number: High school but whateve idc

Unknown Number: U’re an asshle so I dnt even care that its like…

Unknown Number: 3 in the morning nvrmd

Unknown Number: Ive ben dared to txt my hottest ex by these evil witchS so

Unknown Number: Here u go

Unknown Number: At least u had decent abs so congrats on tht jfc

Unknown Number:  also u dnt get to complain abt this txt bc like

Unknown Number: u dated me for 6 months on a dare so U KNOW WHat this shuold feel like ya

Unknown Number: Wow dude that sounds like a dick move

Unknown Number: Seriously who the hell dates someone for 6 months on a dare?

Unknown Number: Doesn’t that only happen in movies though?

Unknown Number: hey bitchass dont act like u don’t kno what im talkinG abt

Unknown Number: Oh shit yeah, sorry. I don’t know who this asshole of an ex is but I sure as hell am not him

Unknown Number: Dude sounds like a complete waste of human space

Unknown Number: And I think I wouldn’t get to live it down if my friends would hear I did something that shitty

Unknown Number: Wait lemme ask Sam

Unknown Number: Nah, he says Steve would’ve beaten my ass if I were to do that so there u go

Unknown Number: m sorry who tf are u

Unknown Number: Bucky

Unknown Number: what kind of stupid name is bucky

Unknown Number: Shit man, u’re the one blowing up my phone at 3 in the morning, sending me weird ass messages when I don’t even know u and u dare say my name is stupid???

Unknown Number: Sheit srry

Unknown Number: Is been A long night

Unknown Number: nd week

Unknown Number: Actlly make thAt the whle entire fuckin month

Girl with asshole ex: Srry fr bothering u

Unknown Number: It‘s cool

Girl with asshole ex: Hey the witches ask if ure hot

Bonky: Yeah

Girl with asshole ex: WHAT THE FCK MAN AT LEST BE A LIL BIT HUMBLE SMH

Bonky: U wanted me to lie?

Girl with asshole ex: Fair point

Girl with asshole ex: They wnt a pic

Girl with asshole ex: Pic or it didn’t happen punk

Girl with asshole ex: Tht was nat

Bonky: What kind of party are u at that you can constantly text me?

Girl with asshole ex: Wanda’s place

Girl with asshole ex: Girls night

Girl with asshole ex: Getting hammered on wine BITCH

Girl with asshole ex: Also dnt change the subject

Bonky: I don’t even know your name

Girl with asshole ex: Why would I tell u my name I just want to see a suppsdly hot asssd

Bonky: You know mine and now you want me to send u a pic of me

Bonky: Bit of a disadvantage here babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: BABE if I tell u my name will u send a pic of u so we kno u arnt a 60yr old perv

Bonky: I’ll think about it

Girl with asshole ex: Hey fuck u

Girl with asshole ex: Not fair

Bonky: How do I know you’re not the 60yr old perv?

Girl with asshole ex: Cuz she got big tiddies to prove

Girl with asshole ex: And that was wanda

Girl with asshole ex: So now u know my fridsn

Bonky: Still don’t know your name tho babe

Bonky: Also tell Wanda she shouldn’t give out this type of info to strangers

Girl with asshole ex: ure not a stranger anymore bonky

Girl with asshole ex: ure my babe nao

Bonky: I’m going to let that Bonky slide just bc u’re cute

Bonky: But I’m also going to stop replying until you tell me your name

Girl with asshole ex: U think im cute?

Girl with asshole ex: 

Girl with asshole ex: I mean u havnt even seen me but thats fair

Girl with asshole ex: Wand and nat say its true so ill believe u rnt lying to me rn

Girl with asshole ex: But I wanna see if ure cute

Girl with asshole ex: Wait why r u up st 3 in the mrng I mean we re drunk but wht r u doing

Girl with asshole ex: Babe u need to take better care of urself

Girl with asshole ex: Babe

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: BABE?

Girl with asshole ex: Ph shit ure actually ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: I dont like this

Girl with asshole ex: I actually like talking to u

Girl with asshole ex: Pls stop ignoring me

Girl with asshole ex: COME BACK AND LOBE ME

Girl with asshole ex: Babe?

Girl with asshole ex: Fine

Girl with asshole ex: It’s Y/N

Bonky: Now, that wasn’t so hard was it? 

Babe: fcuk u

Bonky: I’m up at 3 bc we ordered pizza and decided it’s time to beat Sam’s ass in Mario Kart once and for all

Babe: Nd how’s that going for ya?

Bonky: Bitch has been beating us for the past 3 hours

Bonky: Thor is the only one getting at least close to him now so we’re about to give up

Babe: Wait shit how r u replying so fast if ure playing Mario kart tho

Bonky: I gave up two hours ago

Babe: Quitter

Bonky: Just gotta know which fights to pick babe

Babe: Heads up I might be fallin asleep soon

Bonky: Drink some water before that, maybe get some food in u as well to soak up all the alcohol and have an advil close for tomorrow

Babe: Ok MOM

Bonky: Hey Wanda willingly told me you have “big tiddies” so your friends don’t seem to be doing a good job of taking care of you

Bonky: Might as well let me do it so you don’t die tmrw

Babe: Ohhhh so u careeeee babe im touched

Babe: Kkkkkk Ill talk tu u tmrw ill be dead soon

Babe: Nd I do have big tiddies

Bonky: Good night babe

*

Babe: What the shit

Bonky: I see you survived

Babe: Barely

Babe: My head might explode soon and I feel like I’ve vomited for an entire lifetime

Babe: TMI sorry

Bonky: I’d like to point out I’m glad I don’t have to decipher your texts anymore and that you can actually spell properly

Babe: Fuck you Buckaroo

Bonky: I would also like to remind you that I have on good authority that you have “big tiddies” so don’t make me use that against you

Babe: I am going to kill Wanda

Babe:Ugh I need coffee

Babe: I’ll talk to you later

Bonky: I’ll be waiting for you babe

*

Babe: So

Babe: BABE

Bonky: Yes baby?

Babe: 

Bonky: Nah, you love it

Babe: Fine

Babe: You still haven’t sent a pic of you though. I might be able to rise Nat and Wanda from the dead if you do

Bonky: What do I get in return?

Babe: The promise that I will keep replying even though you might turn out to be an ugly orc?

Bonky: Not enough

Babe: Fine. I’ll keep talking to you until you want me to stop. Or until I get bored of you

Bonky: Eh, you can do better

Babe: What do you WANT?

Bonky: A pic of you in return

Babe: I’m not sending you nudes, perv

Bonky: If I wanted to see you naked and be a dick about it, I could’ve asked last night, don’t worry

Bonky: But if you’ll know how I look it’s only fair I should know how you look

Babe: That sounds reasonable

Bonky: I’d say it’s a fair exchange

Babe: Fine, you first then

Bonky: If you don’t send me a pic of you afterwards babe I will stop replying, just so you know

Bonky:

Babe: Did you type super hot guy with the most beautiful eyes in the world in Google or something?

Bonky: I’m touched but no. Sam took that photo at a work event

Babe: Bitch do you really expect me to believe this is you? That looks like a guy who just stepped out of a magazine, I highly doubt I would have the luck to text him instead of my ex when drunk

Bonky:

Bonky: Are you always this annoying?

Babe: …

Bonky: What? Do you want me to take a selfie with the fucking newspaper now? I read the news online babe, I’m not getting off of this couch just so I can buy a stupid newspaper to prove it’s me

Babe: Do you have one in a suit?

Bonky: …why am I putting up with this?

Bonky: Hold on

Bonky:

Bonky: It’s been 5 minutes, are you going to reply?

Bonky: You still have to send me a picture of you though, a deal is a deal you know

Bonky: Fine, I warned you

Babe: Shit sorry

Babe: Hi Bucky, this is Natasha

Bonky: Hi Natasha. Is Y/N alright?

Babe: Uhm how should I put this?

Babe: Y/N is crying right now and she can’t reply herself

Bonky: What? What happened? Is she okay?

Babe: Oh yeah

Babe: She’s just crying because (and I’m quoting here) you’re “so beautiful, it’s like all my wet dreams and fantasies have come together. I swear this is some cosmic joke, this is not happening”

Babe: I’m not sure if she’s laughing or crying now

Babe: But she keeps yelling at me that I have to send you the most perfect picture of herself that has ever existed or you will stop talking to her

Babe: I think she started crying again because “I will never live up to that level of perfection, he told me that I have to know which fights to pick”

Babe: Uh yeah so here

Babe: 1 Photo Attached

Bonky: Hey Nat, could you tell Y/N that I would like to talk to her now?

Babe: Sure

Babe: Hey

Bonky: Baby?

Babe: Yeah?

Bonky: You picked the wrong fight if you think “you will never live up to this level of perfection”

Babe: Oh God

Bonky: Stop being an idiot

Bonky: And listen to me

Bonky: I would really like to keep talking to you. Mainly because you’re an idiot who makes me laugh, but it’s also the fact that you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my entire life

Babe:

[boomerang109]

hi!! (god i hope the way i type doesnt rat me out skddk jesus at this point it might who even know i feel like its distinct but maybe thats just me idk) but!!! time to just Rant abt twwda, *sighs in the best way possible* ****this***** fic. man. the Very first thing it helped me (that was memorable to me) honestly was the whole acne thing where toph was like are you good looking and zuko’s like ‘well i have a scar and acne’ and toph’s like ‘acne’s a normal thing’ my hesrt just idk why but whenever i have a Bad day abt myself (or the parents are on my back abt it skdhdj i Hate that but thats Not what this rant is abt) im just like ‘its a normal thing’ and!!!! i got that from **your** fic!!! genuinely you Cannot understand how close twwda is to me as a person bc

the whole test anxiety? and zuko not telling his teachers he has trouble hearing? in the fifth grade i needed glasses Bad but i never told Anyone bc i felt Bad (still hold strong to this habit 😃) but God i just- i just *relate* and Finally.

the enby aang. ive been able yk even tell my irl ant me possibly being she/they (maybe even they/them) solely bc of your fic (i even told her that it was thanks to your fic and explained everything abt the whole enby aang!!!) ill seperate this mess into paragraphs skdhdk but!! please just know how Much you helped me

OH SHIT FUCK the whole a flower in shade can also grow in the sun. that Hit bc its like ‘you dont Need to suffer just bc you can survive in that condition, you deserve the basic necessities too’ and honestly when i read that i just sat there stunned like wow. so?? true??? i honestly just love you and your fic (okay bye sorry skdbdksk !!!!!)

thats my four paragraph essay for you boom <3

okay anon, it’s nearly 2:30 am (probably will be by the time i finish typing) so if im a bit incoherent i apologize. i just know im going to be busy tmrw and i didn’t want this to sit in my inbox (sorry to everybody else who didn’t get responses whoops)

(honestly idk who you are and i hope you feel comfy telling me at some point, but it’s okay if not!) (i do have a few guesses but i keep changing my mind so basically im clueless ahdhdjsks) (actually right after i typed that i noticed something that’s unique—i think—to you. the person i’m thinking of is absolutely lovely, but i’m not going to start guessing or anything cause if you don’t feel comfy having any identity connected to this, that’s okay! that’s what anon is for!! just do what makes you most comfy)

i love that the acne line resonated with you? i think you’re the second person to mention this and i 🥰! it’s such a throw away line but i always hate in fics when people make them high school age and then are like “except for his scar, zuko’s skin was smooth” or whatever the fuck. like no!!! high schoolers have acne!!! and obviously zuko is embarrassed of it, but sokka is just like dude. we all have it, im good looking and ive got acne so just don’t even worry. and that’s the energy im sending you (and your parents cause they better not be on your back about acne that’s dumb af) cause no one is judging your acne (they’re too busy worrying about their own) AND even if they were, that makes them a shitty person whose opinion doesn’t matter. you’re beautiful with acne

i want you to work on asking for help, like mx mak said, it’s not a limited resource! and often teachers/adults are happy to help you. (and often it’s their job/the law that they have to). but also? i wrote zuko missing shit in class being like “oh this is unrealistic if someone was missing what was being said in class they’d get notes from someone” and then i took a class where the prof spoke way too fast and my audio processing said NOPE and there would be days where my notes would just be question marks like zuko and i didn’t ask anyone for help. (i did start recording class which is literally illegal without permission but shhh it’s fine)

i’m so glad i was able to help you and please know i’m here to help in whatever capacity i can outside the fic as well. it’s kind of a joke that being trans is contagious but actually being able to hear about other people’s experiences is So Important. cause six months ago i could’ve confidently told you i was a cis girl and had been sure of that my whole life. but then i finally admitted to myself that my “thinking they/them pronouns were the coolest thing ever and kind of being jealous” thing was not very cis of me. and yeah, everyone’s experience is individual. but we can at least share our thoughts and what we learn to help each other. cause i wanna support you

you deserve MORE THAN basic necessities. you deserve so much more, but the necessities are a good place to start. treat yo self.

please don’t apologize!!! i appreciate this sm, i love you and your four paragraph essay <3

[denqis]

hi! i’m here to request a scenario, since i saw u wanted some requests 💓 currently super bogged down w chemistry work for my exam tmrw, so fluffy kageyama or tanaka or todoroki (whoever u like) and reader studying together, w cuddling and snacks and comfort bc the reader’s a bit stressed? if that’s ok w u 💓 thank uuuu

this is super cute, thanks for requesting! <33

i ended up doing hcs for all of them, hope that's okay! good luck with your exam, don't stress yourself too much!

stuDYING || reader x various

kageyama

— busts into your room, huge bag of snacks stuffed under his arms and a proud smile on his lips

— but when he sees how stressed you look, he just plops down onto your bed and watches you silently

— "tobio bubba, if you stare at me like that i won't be able to concentrate."

— he instantly averts his gaze and mumbles an apology

— after around an hour you let out a frustrated sigh and just storm off, leaving your boyfriend baffled

— it takes him a few seconds before he finally reacts and runs after you, hearing your sobs coming from the bathroom

— he stands there, knocking up a storm, asking if you're okay over and over

— when you finally unlock the door, he'll just bear hug you and peck the top of your head

— "let's take a walk and when we get back we'll finally eat those snacks."

— when you try to argue and say that you need to study, he'll ignore you and just pull you outside

— "you need to take breaks or your brain will fry."

— he's not the smartest, but he will try and help you wherever he can, be it taking notes for you or stuffing snacks into your mouth

ㅡ at the end of the day, you were really thankful for kageyama keeping you company, his presence really calming you down

tanaka

— sees that you're studying but he will not be ignored

— talks to you about the most random stuff, until you slam your pen down and turn to face him

— "ryu, please. shut up."

— he acts hurt, but he'll just pull you from your chair to cuddle

— "i know how important this is for you, but you know what helps a whole lot? spending time with your boyfriend!"

— will not let you go, but this sly lil fucker got your notes and just quizzes you on every topic

— for every question you answered correctly he'd kiss you and for every answer you'd get wrong he'd also kiss you because he felt like you needed more encouragement

— "see? you'll be fine. you're disgustingly smart. no need to worry, i'll love you even if you fail."

— you titter bitterly but oh my god why are there tears running down your face???

— he PANICS

— "babe! oh no, what's wrong? are you hurt?"

— he'll rock you back and forth but will also ask you to see what's truly important, this was just an exam. your life didn't depend on it

— he's just so pure and wants the best for his friends let alone you. so after you'd finished your exam, he'll stand there with a stupid grin and a few flowers that he ripped from the school's garden last minute

todoroki

ㅡ poor baby wouldn't really know how to handle you being all stressed and snappy

— but he's smart, very very smart

— so he'll just help you wherever he can, explaining all the problems you can't wrap your head around

— super super proud of you when you finally get something you had problems with

— kisses your cheek softly every time you understand something

— gives you tons of tips

— "todo i can't do this, i'll just cheat..."

— you should NOT have said that because he'll most definitely glare at you and start a whole monologue about how cheating is wrong and for stupid people

— "baby. you're smart. you can do this, but if you want to we can take a break."

— he reads you so so well, he knows exactly what you need and when

— he notices that you get more and more frustrated and before you can snap and start crying and overwhelm him completely, he'll pull you into a hug and get you something to drink and your favorite snack

— may feel a little under appreciated at times, but he knows how important your studies are to you and in general. but best believe he'll make up for lost time once your exams are over

— will call you up in the middle of the night to quiz you. you hate him for it but he just means well

[naturesgender]

hey folks this is gonna be a really really long post, i just kinda gotta write some stuff down, idk if anyone is gonna see this but if you do i’m gonna try to do the thing where there’s a cut and you can press “keep reading” if you wanna see the whole thing but idk how to do that so if it doesn’t work i’m sorry in advance!

*i think i figured it out, it should work! just put it there so u wouldn’t have to scroll past the whole thing if u didn’t wanna read it cause it’s rlly fuckin long lmao i love u all <3*

ok so

i am not Clinically Depressed i don’t live w/depression i don’t struggle with it on a daily basis i am generally a pretty Not-Depressed person

however

i am doing my best to get better at not ignoring the times when i *do* feel depressed because “i don’t actually suffer from clinical depression so this isn’t even that bad!” or “a lot of my friends feel like this on a daily fuckin basis and that’s really awful for them so i should always prioritize their feelings over mine all the time” or “these are stupid reasons to be depressed anyway” or “even though it’s really really hard for me to get out of bed right now there are people who sometimes Cannot get out of bed and i am not one of those people so it’s all good lol” or any of that shit cause (news flash) i am not the greatest at taking good emotional care of myself, and although i have gotten better at letting others take care of me, i still have lots of problems feeling comfy doing that if they’re not also letting me take care of them (which is a whole other issue that i’m not gonna get into rn)

so with all that in mind i just kind of wanted to get it down in writing and like Acknowledge the fact that during this past semester, mostly during the past month, i have been the most generally depressed i’ve been for a long time, maybe ever. i was definitely depressed in freshman year and was having some pretty Not Spicy Thoughts (nothing *super* serious dw) and that definitely wasn’t fun, but that was like a different brand of depression. back then the main reason i was depressed was bc i had no friends (or at least none i felt i could really be close with) and i was struggling to make the transition to high school and i didn’t really feel like either of my two-friends-who-i-didn’t-feel-i-could-be-close-with cared about me at all. this is a different brand. i’m very lucky to have a lovely group of very close friends who i can trust and who i mostly feel i can rely on (although when it comes to relying on my friends, the problem isn’t that i don’t feel that my friends are reliable bc i know that they are and i know they love me!! i trust that they would help me!! the issue is that i don’t often feel like it would be fair to ask them for help, but like i said that’s a whole other issue just wanted to clarify that the issue is not with my friends it’s 100% with me and i know that). i have a pretty good social life as of rn, and even though we’re all dealing with this shitty shitty pandemic, my friends and i have found ways to stay connected and we videochat and play games and i love them so much and i’m so grateful for them and they make my life infinitely better. so the social aspect is not the issue here in the same way it was in freshman year. the issue here is that i seem to have lost most of my driving force.

here is a list to help me acknowledge things

i turn 18 in exactly a month (january 7th) and although i know that i don’t just *poof* into an adult, i am still terrified of losing my childhood (much of which i have already lost due to very poor memory and my anxiety quashing the ability to be weird the way that i am/the way that i want to) and i don’t have myself together in the way that i wanted to by the time i reached 18/senior year/graduation/Adulting Time

online class is hell, the work has only gotten harder, i sit at my desk and stare at my computer screen for over 10 hours a day and don’t move and get lots of headaches and feel very understimulated, there’s always Something i haven’t done, and i can’t find it in me to give any shits about school in any way shape or form

except for maybe practicum i care about practicum i always care about practicum

i have basically no money and my gap year is coming up and i can’t get a job right now and i might not be able to get a job this school year at all and i am terrified of not being able to make enough money to give my friends the safe space they need, i need to support them, they need people who will Love Them, i want to give them a home i want to be a home for them and i am fucking terrified of not being able to make it happen for them

and for myself but also not really

like i definitely want this and i’m super excited to live with them but i’m also scared to leave home but i also know that they Need to leave home and i want to give them what they need!! and we’re gonna have such a good time!! and we’re gonna be safe and we’re gonna be whole and we’re gonna be loved and we’re gonna be a family!! this needs to happen i need to give them this we need to make this

i don’t wanna make it seem like i don’t wanna live with them, i do, i really do, i love them to pieces, i love them with all i am, i can’t express how much i love them, and i’m really really really excited, but at this point i’m mostly scared

having been diagnosed with (mild) adhd does not make it any easier to focus or sleep and i cannot fucking focus and i haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks

there’s so much shit that i have to do hanging over my head, mostly it’s scheduling i’m trying to schedule my life basically (which sounds crazy but it’s less intense than it sounds i’m just trying to give myself more structure) but that’s a really overwhelming task and every time i try to make a schedule i can never stick to it so i have a lot less faith in it this time around

my sexuality and gender and thoughts about surgery/transitions/etc remain unclear and the only thing i’m sure of is that i’m demiromantic, but that doesn’t do shit about unrequited romance, which hurts like a motherfucker, and i don’t even truly know if it *is* romance that i’m wanting and there’s nothing real that i can do about that either

still feeling like shit about my body in a lot of different ways, not gonna get too far into it rn

the pandemic + online school + drudgery of classes + general unmotivated feelings + no changes in routine + a lack of structure + same environment 24/7 makes every day feel the fucking same and i’m sick of it

i’m stressed about vassar results coming out tmrw and i still have to write like at most 8 different college supplements before december 23rd (2 weeks)

i haven’t really sat down and done anything i’ve Enjoyed for a while and not had a Responsibility hanging over my head

basically i’m tired and anxious and overworked and lonely and lacking a driving force and really really fucking angry at everything and all that combines to make me pretty damn miserable! and as a result of all of this, my self-care is slipping and then my room doesn’t get clean and my bed doesn’t get made and i don’t get dressed or make myself proper meals or brush my teeth or sleep and that just makes it worse

and i want to talk about how i do definitely still have plenty of happy moments and good things and there is still a good amount of sunshine, i’m not *completely* miserable, but the minute i start thinking about that, i start to think that whatever sunshine there may be automatically cancels out any gray that there is, which is not a good place to be because i don’t want to fake being happy (i’ve never been good at that anyway which is probably a good thing) so i’m trying to acknowledge that hey! things are pretty shitty!! but please keep in mind that even as i type this, most of me is saying things along the lines of “don’t share this don’t post it don’t complain you don’t have it bad you’re fine you need to take care of your friends you can’t feel these things just snap out of it and you’ll be fine” so this is a pretty big step and a lot for me to just Put Out Into The World

i spent a while trying to think of other things that i could add here but i don’t really think there’s much else to say. i’m not sure where to go from here. i don’t have any magic solutions so i am trying really really hard not to let myself slip into complete giving-up-i-will-not-get-better space and it helps to just Know what’s in my brain. i don’t know if i have the mental energy to try to “fix” any of these issues right now, i just think i needed to start by writing them down. now i have them and i guess i’ll see where i can go from here. sorry this post was super long for anyone who may have chosen to take a look

that’s all <3

[realllllfangirllllll]

Pentagon as your Classmate

PTG Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Jinho:

The shy guy who sits next to you in the front because he's too short to see the board. You say hi to him but he just timidly glances at you and smiles. A few days after sitting next to each other, you started having full conversations with him when the teacher walks out or when the class is assigned work to do. You got to know him more, and he began to naturally open up to you. Then BOOM he’s the loudest obnoxious kid ever. The two of you make fun of the teachers and play pranks on the other students and when the both of you talk, the other building can hear your high-pitched laughters.

Hui:

The guy who you sit next to because he looked smart and easy to get along with when he smiled and waved at you. You enjoyed chilling in between breaks with him but when the class has work to do, his true self awakens. He will nag at every little mistake you make on your work and is a straight perfectionist. But after he sees you struggling and groaning in frustration, he laughs a little to himself and invites you to come to his house so he can help you.

Hongseok:

The one guy who picked up your pencil on the first day of school as you dropped it on your way into class in a hurry because you were late. You couldn’t find an empty seat anywhere but then he tells his friend beside him to make space for an extra desk. He goes up to tell the teacher that you need a desk and chair so you ended up having your desk placed next to him. Throughout the year, you just found yourself naturally relying on Hongseok when you need guidance or fun. He’s either always acting like a mom to you or a ten year old child making jokes that cause you to laugh until the teacher gives both of you detention or makes you stand outside the classroom.

Edawn:

The classmate who is technically never in class. You met him by chance when you went to get lunch with Hui. He seemed really cold and distant when you first saw him, but when he introduced himself, the two of you got along so well you forgot Hui was still there. The two of you would usually go out to shop and get food. I wouldn’t say he’s a bad influence per se, but he definitely did make you ditch class a lot of times. BUT when he is in class with you, the two of you would have so much fun just chilling and messing around in the back of the class. People were jealous of the two of you tbh. Whenever you two were together, people labeled you guys as the “Power Duo.”

Shinwon:

Your most EXTRA friend ever. He just randomly came up to you and asked for a pencil... and then another... and then another. At this point, you knew he was going to keep breaking pencils so you just gave him a pen. But then he started sitting next to you and making ridiculous jokes and weird meme faces that you couldn’t help but laugh along with him. During class, the two of you would do ridiculous stuff like drawing on desks and then after school, both of you would do pointless activities like running around parking lots or pushing each other on shopping carts. The two of you also have this complicated, but super cool, handshake and the rest of the boys just leave to their classes when they see either one of you signal the start of the handshake. Other students voted both of you as the “Most Extra” for the superlative section of the yearbook.

Yeo One:

The sweetest boy ever. Some girl knocked over your supplies and he rushed over to help you. He swiftly picked up the fallen supplies and books, putting them back into your locker and introduced himself with a sweet smile. You thanked him and gradually, you found him coming to your rescue as the school year continued. When in class, he would try really hard to concentrate and you would just stare at his serious face, laughing even when the whole class was supposed to work. He would crack a few horrible dad jokes here and there and lowkey, I feel like the two of you would turn into the cutest school couple.

Yanan:

So so shy, even more so than when Jinho first met you. You only happened to talk to him by chance through a lab project. You would often make mistakes, almost pouring the wrong chemicals in the tube and he would just loudly shout at you to stop with his high-pitched voice. You got scared by his shouts and accidentally dropped the glass hurting your hands in the process. Yanan got so scared for you, he immediately pulled you close to him, checking for any major wounds. The teacher excused the two of you to the nurse but the nurse wasn’t there, so he ended up disinfecting your hand on his own. He didn’t know how to use the bandage wrap but he was so concerned for you, he just wrapped it as secure as he could. You laughed at his concerned actions and told him your hand was absolutely fine but he wouldn’t accept it. After the incident, Yanan just found himself wanting to protect you all the time but is also super clingy around you and would always ask you to keep him company because he gets bored in classes often. Many students thought you two were a couple and always have that “Awhh” reaction when either one of you does something for the other.

Yuto:

He’s the most intimidating person in your school. Nobody would talk to him or try to even introduce themselves to him. You’d hear rumors about him so you assumed he would be a rebel outcast, but when you saw him with his group of friends you thought he looked rather nice. He sat in the back of you, and you would always feel his head right behind you. You’d take out your mirror just to see him squinting his eyes to look at the board. You laughed and turned around to ask if he wanted to switch seats. He looked at you with surprise written all over his face. He thought you’d be too afraid to talk to him but here you were moving to switch seats with him. From there on, the two of you would share notes and you would always make fun of him for writing a word or two wrong because he refuses to get contacts or glasses. After school, his personality would be a total 180-degree change. When the two of you went to the library or hung out at his house, he would be so clingy and cheesy. He’d tell you how he thought other classmates being scared of him was funny and how he sometimes act intimidating for fun. The whole school would never understand why the two of you were so close, but deep down the girls were all pretty jealous you hung out with the ”mysterious bad boy.”

Kino:

Such a sweet boy. You met him the moment you stepped foot onto the campus. He saw your lost expression and he immediately came up to you and asked if you needed help. He introduced his friends to you and told you which classes to take. He lowkey told you to take the classes he had so he could spend more time with you. Overall, he’s a really nice and reliable friend but don’t get me wrong, the two of you bickered so much that the rest of the group just leaves the conversation. During lunch, you would share food with him and act so sweet together that everyone thought you two were a couple. BUT when he started talking about his tv show opinions, you went off on him. He likes all the characters you hated and he hated all the characters you liked. The two of you were a chaotic mess, but at the end of the day, you guys would walk each other home and just have fun from the simplest things.

Wooseok:

SO awkward. This boy couldn’t even look you in the eyes when his friend introduced him to you. You tried to ease the tension by asking him if he wants to go grab lunch together. He kind of replied too quickly and immediately avoided eye contact again. When the two of you picked your lunches at the cafeteria, both of you realized that your food tastes are the exact same and bonded through that. From then on, the two of you would always get lunch together and talk about pointless things. Everyday, he would quickly pack his stuff and wait for you outside your class so the two of you can head to lunch. Everyone in the school envied the relationship you two had, but you guys thought there was nothing special to be jealous about. Afterschool, Wooseok would do the same thing, waiting for you to pack up and wait by your classroom door, and then head out to go some place fun. You guys would often go to arcades, laser tag, or any other exciting activities together.

———

• I included Edawn bc it’s tentastic OK •

• Also, Hopefully a new chp of MTF will be posted tmrw •

• For the time being, pls enjoy this reaction I wrote AND VOTE/SUPPORT PTG ILY •

[apricotings]

this is going to be a personal post but. not gonna lie i’ve been losing a lot of motivation for everything recently and my mental health has kind of gone down the drown in the last week (partially due to my personal life, partially because my heart aches for the black community and how i wish i could do more (i’m signing petitions and going to rallies and donating as much as i can but u kno)) and i’m just :/ not excited for anything. like i used to be so excited for college in the fall and then four years down the line, grad school because i care/d so much about what i want to do and idk if it’s corona (because i want to be an epidemiologist/virologist) or what but that’s just gone? like at the bare Minimum i want biology and i’m thinking about it and actually getting excited but. i used to go to school and sit down w one friend in particular and i would just infodump allll the stuff i had learned about all these diseases and like :/ i miss feeling that excitement. i haven’t been practicing my craft recently or reading even though i have a really good book sitting like two feet away from me. idk what it is but i just feel so drained. i don’t want to plan for dnd and i don’t even want to play it? dming can be a lot of work so i get not wanting to plan but i always want to play :( i have a med check tmrw and i really don’t want to change my meds bc that’s a pain in the ass, i’m just going to delete social media (bc a. it’s not good for my mental health rn and b. i just waste my whole day on there which does not help anything and makes the cycle worse), try and throw myself back into the things i love (slowly), work on myself and my personal relationships, and hope that i come out better. the fact that the world just seems to be getting shittier and shittier every single day also because it feels like there’s no end in sight :(

[ofcelesticls]

greetings earthlings !! it’s ur resident space mom, saoirse, here and holy FUCK dudes am i JAZZED to be posting this rn !! i’m #blessed….. #honored….. #grateful….. wow. without further ado, i present u all with my dear, darling, dumbass daughter…… KIKI !!

this is going to be less of a bio and more of me popping off abt lucy SO if u want to read an actually cohesive bio go ahead and click HERE !! she also has a stats page HERE if thats the kinda thing ur into !! otherwise… lets go stupid (ahhh) go crazy (ahhh)

welcome to kiki’s delivery service

my MFN WOMAN….. ˚ * ☆ – KIBBY KIKI KIBLER – ☆ * ˚ …. where to begin i dont even KNOW but i will say that this girl? is my queen. the loml. she’s lowkey actually me so i’m biased but i?? love her.

okay. SO. she’s kind of a hardass. there! i said it! she is! but it’s not really her fault! let us dive right on in and see why she is the way she is

so first things first she was adopted and like its never been a secret or something she doesnt talk abt so basically everyone most likely knows all about that if theyre close to her! she tried rly hard in high school to try and find her birth parents ( using her skills she gathered through copious hours spent watching true crime documentaries ) and came up short so that kind of made her like :/

shes super super close w her adopted family though! she’s been with them since she was a baby so like... there’s nothing WRONG w that family dynamic

when she was a lil tiny one her best friend was her grandma who was like…. a super oddball lady and always told crazy stories about ghosts and sprites and fairies and all that stuff but kiki absolutely LOVED it. her parents eventually had her grandma move into a retirement home type of deal when she got rly old and senile and that was super hard on her… which leads into my next point !!

another big thing that defined her life is that she was a SELECTIVE MUTE which developed when she started kindergarten ( which was also the school yr after her grandma left ) and she finally overcame thru therapy around the time she was in fifth grade.

it was through an assignment from her therapist that she and daisey first “spoke” bc in second grade she was still terrible at speaking to other kids n her therapist suggested she tried to write a letter instead as a sort of first step to ease into  things! she didn’t expect for daisey to write back but she did!! and they became “friends” for a while but that ended after fifth grade

once she overcame her anxiety she rly started to FLOURISH as the beautiful little weirdo that she is !! words literally cannot even explain to u what kind of strange this little duck is but she’s also perfect and the only one allowed to insult her is ME.

but then... yknow..... middle school n high school happened and kids are MEAN. so sad. she could talk but she often didn’t because everyone looked at her like she was crazy and she ended up being... more on the outside of things than on the inside.

but also she’s so genuinely good even though she can come across as rly….. brash…. she’s not MEAN but she just doesn’t have the time or the energy to bullshit around with anyone. she’s gonna call it like she sees it and anyone who doesn’t?? on her shit list.

also, by default, she’s not a very trusting person so???? ur gonna be likely to see the more Aloof and Quiet kiki than anything else UNLESS youve proven to her that she can open up to you!

but BE WARNED. if u wrong her.... WHEW, it’s game over! good luck EVER getting her to open back up to you again!

also don’t underestimate her intelligence. don’t do it. ppl try to brush her off as an airhead or an idiot bc she’s….. the way she is…. and says shit abt the prophetic dreams she receives... but she’s also honestly so smart and will go off on u in a HEARTBEAT abt systematic oppression or psychology or politics bc she’s a criminal justice major & psych minor

she loves astrology and so do i so i gave her my bday so that we could have some of the same signs in our natal charts… since she’s literally…. me. ANYWAY. she’s a cancer sun, scorpio moon & libra rising !! which makes her a fundamentally emotional person…. she’s got those water signs across the board INCLUDING her mercury in cancer (which i can best describe as sighing being her preferred mode of communication)

she’s also a big time SLYTHERIN and that’s that on that! thank u!

 i .... don’t have the brain power to think abt wanted plots at the moment but u BET ur BOTTOM i will dwell on it and have some kinda something up tmrw!! but UNTIL THEN !! pls message me (either on here or on discord though i will say discord is preferred) and we can chit chat it out and maybe start to brainstorm some things!!

[utopianvoices]

seven things | h.hyunjin

↭ genre: enemies to lovers au (kinda); fluff

↭ word count: 4.27k (i might’ve gone slightly crazy)

↭ a/n: yEs i is back!!!! here’s a hyunjin scenario that i don’t really like to make up for my disappearance from posting works :D i’m writing this on a whim so it might seem like i’m on crack but really it’s just me on a daily basis,, also this turned out way longer than i expected whoOps

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

ok so

you were waiting outside the cafe that you and hyunjin usually go to

and y’all might be wondering 

why don’t you just go in??

that’s what i’m wondering too

well because

your best friend was late,,, for the 3rd time that week

and to say you were pissed was an understatement

just as you whipped your phone out to message that not so little nuisance, you heard rushed footsteps getting closer and closer

and you turn just in time to get aTTACKEd by this boy

“i’m SO sorry y/n i overslept and like i really tried to come on time but then the bus was late too and-”

“just stfu and never talk to me again”

well then

“noOOoOo y/n don’t say that i’m so sorry. i promise i’ll try my best not to be late from now onwards :(”

and like you really wanted to be mad at him

really

but he was pouting and your heart was going boom boom

because he just looked really adorable

so you just ended up going “ugh fine”

which was the cOmplete opposite of this whole speech you had planned in your head

about how you were going to stop being friends with him and move to another continent,,,,,,,,,,

yea maybe that wasn’t such a good speech

but you weren’t going to let him go that easily too

so, you being the absolute tease 

“you know i think it was better when we hated each other”

oUCh

and hyunjin being the drama king he is

decides to go overboard and clutches his chest, staggering around the entrance of the cafe

you just roll your eyes and walk into the cafe,,, ignoring the poor boy outside

as you scan the cafe for seats, you feel a weight on your shoulder

“you know the feeling of hate was never mutual”

and you look up to look at the party responsible for this new burden

and well let’s just say you were about to combust on the spot

because your best friend was one good looking boy

and like all this violent rush of thoughts took you back to when the only “feelings” you had for him was hate

*cue flashback* i suck at transitions im sOrry

so you were just chilling in class,,, minding your own business as you doodle on your book

when the school’s most popular girl decides to spill her salad juice or whatever disgusting green thing she was drinking, all over your papers 

and i mean, accidents happen ofc and you’re TOTALLY willing to let it go

if she had apologised

IF

but she was clearly too popular for petty things like apOlogies 

so you just open your mouth to fire at her when she cuts you right off

“that was my only juice, but i’ll forgive you since i’m so kind”

and you just stare at her like she grew 3 heads bcs

how is one so dUMb

“oH that was juice??? i thought you were drinking vomit, you know since it kinda matches up with your personality?”

oH no one messes with you

and you were trying really hard to hold your laughter in, because you were the sAss master and no one stood a chance against you

but she just whined like a little girl, with no proper comeback to match up to yours

“hyunjin baby!!! aren’t you going to say anything?!”

and you just realised the being standing behind her,,,, hwang hyunjin

soccer team’s star player/captain and pretty much the most popular boy

half the school was drooling whenever he passed by

and i mean,,, it’s not like the girls didn’t have good taste or anything of that sort

because this boy was sculpted by the gOds,,,, and you would be lying if you didn’t let yourself glance at him a little longer than needed when passing by

but like all cliche stories, the most popular girl and the most popular boy were dating

i mean,,, cmOn it’s a given

till this day you were still wondering how in heavens they ended up together,,, one’s a plain bitch and the other,,, well, not so much of an asshole

but all thoughts of him potentially being nice unlike his girlfriend flew out of the window in like a millisecond 

“hey y/n maybe you shouldn’t have left your bag to block the aisles”

bij say whAT

first of all,,, your bag was tucked close to your table, bcs you were a responsible student who cared for the well-being of other students,,, most of the time

second of all,,, how did he know your name?? 

you were pretty sure you never mentioned it

but as these thoughts were running through your head, rendering you silent,,, the bij thought she had “won” and took hyunjin’s hand with a smug face, walking off 

and you were too busy caught up in your own thoughts to notice the apologetic look hyunjin was desperately trying to get across to you,,,, 

but you knew one thing for sure after that small incident

you hated hwang hyunjin

call yourself a niggling bij but that’s just you,,, you gotta deal with what you gotta deal

so since that day, every time you glanced at hyunjin, your glance turned into a glare and you made sure he caught that “glance” before you broke eye contact and stormed off

your petty-meter was seriously off charts,,,,,

and it pains you to admit it but mAyhaps the reason you were so pissed was because you had this teeeeeeeeeny tiny crush on him, just like the rest of the girls in the school

because although he was a jock and dating that evil witch, he seemed nice to enough to smile at anyone who made eye contact with him and like,,,, basically for being the opposite of being a generic athletic jerk

but nAh that one sentence was enough to snap you out of your delulu and go about your own day,,,, ya know, hating hyunjin and stuff

the usual

so this goes on for weeks, you giving hyunjin your famous glare and hyunjin feeling his heart break every time you do it,,,, bcs he’s never had anyone hate him before

one day you were at the library, rushing your assignments bcs dAmn the queen of sass was also a queen of procrastination

like mate, stop procrastinating

you binge-watched your show over the weekends and now you were seated at the library, regretting your life decisions

and you’re so focused like, it’s a miracle that you’re that focused

but some iDIOT just breaks that focus by sitting from across you on YOUR table

who dares

you look, ready to snap at this soul when you realise who it was

oh

“hey y/n,,, can i sit here?”

“funny how you do it and then ask for permission”

at this hyunjin gives you a sheephish smile and goes

“well i had a hunch you wouldn’t have said yes if i had asked first”

“ding ding ding!!!!!! you’ve got the correct answer and earned yourself no shits from me!”

at this, you go back to your work, ignoring the cute pout hyunjin was now sporting because of your ignorance

3 minutes later and you’re disrupted again

“hey y/n,,, i’m sorry for what happened between you and her,,, i really didn’t mean to say that. i just wanted to let you know that i broke it off with her.”

“oh wow congrats”

you hear him sigh, feeling triumphant that you had gotten him to give up talking to you

well spoiler, you wERE WRONG

not even 2 minutes later

“hey, do you have a pen i can borrow? i lost mine,”

“hey do you know what this means”

“hey-”

tHAT WAS IT

“omG hyunjin i’m trying to finish my assignment will you just shut up for a while? like literally i’m willing to do anything to get you to shut up”

you furiously look back down at your assignment, wanting to get it over and done

and then you hear it

you hear him clearing his voice,,, indicating that he was about to speak again

just as you were about to cut him off

“anything?”

wut,,,,,

“what do you mean, anything?”

“you said you’ll do anything to get me to shut up. will you really?”

“ofC not what do you take me for??”

“okay then i guess i’ll just continue talking :>”

bOi

that did it for you

you slammed your book shut, and looked up at him, narrowing your eyes suspiciously

“what’s your deal?”

at this, hyunjin looks away, thinking for a while

just as you were starting to get impatient, he speaks up

“okay. okay okay okay. this is the deal. i’ll stop talking for the rest of the day if you promise that we can be friends. and that you won’t hate me anymore.”

well that was unexpeCTED

but you weren’t that easy

nah uh

“wOw you’re asking for a lot huh,,, hmmm let’s see,,,,,,,,,, no.”

and just as you were about to pack your stuff and move to another table, you hear something that stops you from moving

“i’ll help you with your assignment. i’ve already finished mine so it’ll be a piece of cake.”

now THAT was a good offer

“but i only help my friends with their assignments”

this lil sHIT

well played hwang hyunjin, well played *slowly claps*

you watched as he smirked at you, knowing that he had caught your weak spot

you had an internal debate with yourself, and finally came to a decision

will you regret this decision??

probably

but you were desperate

so you stare at him for a few seconds before extending your hand

“deal.”

he breaks out into a grin and grabs your hand, sealing the deal and the start of a new friendship

that night, just as you were about to sleep after that oh so eventful day you had, you hear your phone chime

you groan as you reach out, wanting to make as little movement as possible bcs,,,, you were lazy

you grab your phone by the tips of your fingers and check your messages

hyunjin: hey this is my address! [address]. see ya tmrw bestie <3

you roll your eyes at his attempts and type one letter before throwing your phone to the side and drifting off to dreamland, with a slight smile on your lips

you: k

the next morning,, you are there at hyunjin’s front door, right on time

bUt why aren’t you pressing the doorbell???? 

let’s be real,,, underneath all that sass, you were just a nervous teenage girl

before you could chicken out and leave, you smack yourself and press the doorbell

a few seconds later the door opens,, and you come face to face with a middle-aged woman

“hi dear, what can i do for you?”

aWkwArd,,,,

“uhm,,, i’m here to work on an assignment with hyunjin??”

“oh! hyunjin didn’t mention anything, but come right in!”

that little piece of uncultured swine

you walk into the house and stand around awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say

when his mother points you to his room, and lets you know that he’s probably still sleeping with a small shake of her head

hmMm looks like him oversleeping happens often

you contemplated if you should go in,,, cause ya know, privacy and shit

but you had to get your revenge??? obviously

so you silently walk in to the room and voila 

there was that sleeping lump, sprawled across a queen sized bed

as you get closer, you can’t help but notice just how good looking he was

i mean sUre you’ve seen him around in school but

with the amount of peace he had on his face,,, he looked almost ethereal

but with that thought, you snapped out of it

bcs exCuse yOu

you’re here for revenge

not to admire the boy

so you carefully lift your leg,,, and muster all the strength in the world

and BAM

you just kicked him off the bed,,, him falling onto the floor with a loud thud

and it did the trick !!!!

he shot right up and looked around, vision hazy and mind still blurred

just as he was starting to come to his senses, his eyes focus on the one girl standing on the other side of the bed,, smirk evident on her face

“that’s what you get for leaving me alone with the adults in the house”

and you walk right out,, leaving him to stare at you speechless 

time skip,,,, 5 hours later, and you’re all done with your assignment

and although you hated to admit it

it turned out pretty fricking amazing

thanks to your brain, your hardwork, a bit of hyunjin, but mostly your perseverance :D

oK but real talk literally you were screwed if he didn’t help so

you kinda owed him big time

“look man, thanks a lot for your help. i would have died without you”

and hyunjin just counters this statement with a smile and shakes his head, letting you know that it was okay

and you kindA felt bad,,,, i mean, you did try and kill him with your glares the past few weeks

and you weren’t thAt mean

so,,,

“uhm,,, do you think,, maybe,, we could start over? hard feelings forgotten?”

and this takes hyunjin by total surprise,,, like all he ever wanted was just to talk to you after seeing you stare him down the past few weeks

but he’d be lying if he said that his heart wasn’t bursting for joy bcs !!!! yay!!!! you didn’t hate him anymore!!!!! what a baby boy

so y’all start over that very day,,, and as expected, hit it off almost immediately

*end flashback*

sO back to now where you have an amazing best friend

pshhh best friend they say

what no i didn’t say anything

n E ways

oK fine,,, on top of him being your best friend, it was really no surprise that you fell for him

i mean cmon

he’s sweet

talented

bEautiful

and etc

but like bij nAh, you were never planning to confess bcs bij??? that could ruin your friendship????

everybody facepalm with me

so you just keep it a secret and try to live with it

except it was reaaally hard to keep it a secret

bcs you saw him almost every. single. day

he’s always asking you to do something with him

getting ice cream,, watching a movie,, going to the park

you even learned how to play soccer bcs he insisted on teaching you

but despite all this, you were still persistent that he saw you as nothing more than a friend,,, and that he did this with all his close friends

news flash: nO he did not

but since it was too much feelings for you to handle, you spill all of this to your other close friend, jisung

and he’s like 

“oOOoO expected,,, why don’t you just confess??”

and you’re like 

“are you duMB? it’s going to ruin our friendship?? i can’t do that??”

and he’s just like

“you’re the dumb one here sis, but go off, i guess”

bCs literally the whole world knew you two had heart eyes for each other

and by whole world, i mean jisung

and being xTra, he’s like,,, you know what?? i gotta get them together

so he “casually” makes a bet with you

and you’re like ooOoO fun

bcs you love bets

mainly has to do with the reason that you hardly ever lose one :>

so when jisung goes “if i get higher than you on this economics test, you gotta text hyunjin 7 reasons why you like him. no explanations given.”

and you really wanna say no and run away

but like

you were no coward

so you’re like “sUre bij bring it on, i was born ready for thi s”

so the day you get back your results, you’re more nervous for the bet than your grades

like you could fail, for all you care

but as long as you failed higher than jisung,, all’s fine

so when you get back your test with a 86 scribbled at the top, you grin to yourself,, convinced that there was no way he was gonna get any higher than you

but as you turn to show him your score,, your smile slowly fades,,,

bcs on his paper

a big red 92 is written at the top, with an ‘excellent’ scribbled next to it

“so,,, y/n,,, ready for what i’ve planned?”

and he’s just grinning like the cheshire cat, with you staring at him in disbelief, mentally counting down to your doom

the next day, you try to convince your mum that you’re down with a really bad disease, which makes it absolutely impossible for you to go school

but your mum ain’t buying that

so there you were, standing at your locker, looking left and right for any signs of han jisung

just as you thought you were safe, you hear someone calling out your name

your face turns white, as you turn around, expecting to come face to face with jisung

but instead you’re met with a raven-haired boy that made your heart beat unnecessarily fast

“whatcha doing today after school??”

and you’re just like qUick think of an excuse

bcs you were in no position to stay with him any longer than necessary for fear that you may just blurt out what you had formed in your head bcs of the bet

“uhhh i’ve got plans with jisung!! we’re gonna go to,, the market! yea!”

seriously,,,, that’s the best you could come up with??

so hyunjin just gives you a really weird look and draws out a “okay,,,,,,,,”

and you’re just like “yea okay bye!!!”

and you run the heCK away

time skip and it’s the end of school

the time which you were dreading,,, because there stood han jisung, waiting for you to confess to your crush

“jisung,,, i really don’t think i can do this,,, can’t i just like, buy you lunch for a week or something?”

“as tempting as that sounds, nO. you’ve gotta do this for yourself, for humanity, and for my sanity. i swear i can’t hear you talking about him again”

at his, you sigh, knowing that he’s right,,, but still not gaining the guts to do it

“come on y/n,,,, you know that on top of me really wanting you to stop bothering me about him, you really gotta get your feelings out of your system,,, you’re not going to be able to keep everything in.”

and although you just wanted to die and chill in heaven at that moment

jisung had a point,,, which was a rare occurrence 

so you decide to listen to him,,, i mean, what’d you got to lose???

maybe your shame

and your precious friendship

but that’s it

so you whip your phone out and press the top contact on your phone

“ok here i go,,,”

“yEs queen!!! get it!”

you briefly roll your eyes at him, before returning your eyes to the screen

the cursor blinking, almost tauntingly

you breathe out and just take it as a platform to let it all out

i love the way you play soccer

ofc you do,,, i’m the best :P

you feel slight relief at his reply, but at the same time, you couldn’t stop the way slight disappointment filled you at his interpretation of you texts

jisung peeked at your phone from over your shoulder, immediately voicing out objections

“come on y/n!! that’s so lame! that barely counts as a confession!”

you groan out loud, and type on your phone, earning a hum of satisfaction from the nosy boy behind you

i love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile 

why, thank you y/n,,,, but what’s with the sudden compliment spree

“ugh, jisung i’m going crazy,,,”

you actually were,,, moments away from throwing your phone into the lake right beside where you were seated

“you got this love,,, just a few more and you can live with no regrets,”

you knew he was right,,, although it was absolutely embarrassing, you know you would regret not telling him in the future

i love the mole underneath your eye

y/n??? c’mon, what’s wrong? are you pranking me right now??

you take a deep breath, and continue on, with the newly found courage

i love the way you pestered me to talk to you even though i was being a complete ass

hey seriously, tell me what’s happening?

i love the way you always manage to put a smile on my face no matter the circumstance

y/n, please,,, don’t fill me with empty hope,, cut it out if you’re pranking me,,,

,,, empty hope? what’s that supposed to mean??

whatever it meant, it sure did it’s part in speeding up your already dying heart 

you suck it up, butterflies growing stronger as you get closer and closer to your last message

i love how my heart speeds up merely at the mention of your name

tell me that this is what i think it means,,,

you stared at your screen, three simple words written out

but your fingers seemed to be jammed, unable to press the send button

was this all just a mistake?? maybe you could just play it off as a prank by jisung

“you got his honey,,, just do it,, press the button” 

and with this encouragement from jisung, you press the send button without further hesitation, feeling as though your heart physically stopped as you observed how the “delivered” changed to “read”, indicating that he had read your message

i love you.

are you for real???? i’m coming to you now. where are you?

you stare at your phone, unable to comprehend what had happened in the past few minutes, as jisung slowly pries your phone from you

he types your whereabouts, as you continue to space out, heart beating at an unusual pace as you still try to process what you just did

“i’m going to leave now okay? just know that i am really proud of what you did,,,, and don’t worry too much, everything will be fine,”

with this, jisung leaves, leaving you to sit there alone, just wondering how things were going to be between you and hyunjin now

were y’all going to stop being friends??

or maybe you could just completely ignore what had happened and go back to being how y’all used to be,,,,

as you were in your own world, you fail to hear the footsteps that stopped right behind you

you hear someone take a seat beside you and whip your head to the side, almost regretting it immediately

“so,,, your messages,,,,”

and before you could do anything else, words just spill from you mouth with no filter whatsover

“i’m so sorry hyunjin, i really am,,, i know that we’ve been really really close friends and i might have just ruined what we had. i understand if you don’t wanna be friends anymore but i guess i hope we could just forget this and move on? i mean, that’s totally your choice because-”

and you’re cut off, just like that

no warning

nothing

zilch

nada

and the only thing that stopped you from continuing your rant was the fact that there a pair of lips on yours

hyunjin’s ones to be exact

whAT

DID WE EXPECT THIS???

yes, yes we did

but you certainly got the answer to your worries by that one action

as y’all break apart, you stare at him still dazed by the kiss, as he smiles lovingly at you

“i was so afraid that you were just pranking me,,, because if you had been, i would’ve been so heartbroken cause i really got my hopes really high,,, like, super high,, i guess i never replied you tho,,,, i love you too y/n. more than you can imagine.”

and you just snap out of it and do something you always do when you had to cope with intense situation

you laughed

you laughed and laughed and laughed

were you laughing at the fact that the person you loved, loved you back?

were you laughing at the fact that jisung was right for once?

or were you laughing at the fact that you were being a dumbass all this while when you could’ve manned up sooner?

you never found out

but what you did find out, is that being in love was amazing

especially when the person you were in love with was hwang hyunjin

so since then, you’ve been having a pretty frickin amazing life

good grades, hot boyfriend, the whole package

the news that you both were dating spread like wildfire

half of them were surprised, the other half jealous

but people were mostly surprised bcs of the fact that they thought you and him were already dating,,,

like you both were glued to each other every other day

so with that, everyone slowly got accustomed to the fact the school’s jock was once again taken

your relationship with hyunjin didn’t actually change that much,,, other than the fact that y’all kissed and did all the mushy shit

and also omg imagine 

you going for his soccer games, sporting his extra jersey that had “hwang” on the back of it, together with the number he was playing

and also him giving you flying kisses right before the starting whistle blows

and running over to you to give you a proper kiss once the final whistle had been blown, win or lose

and you couldn’t have been happier

∞ end ∞

[unicyclehippo]

(NewDm) i tried to put a twist on everyone meets in a bar, where everyone had a little intro scene that would end them up at the same bar, and then it would only be the players left... unfortunately the players didn't much feel like communicating so instead they were forced together on account of a large invading force, pushing them out the back to get outta dodge, the system is Starships and Spacewryms BTW, so it was a space bar and a space invading force (1)

(NewDM) but yeah, then they built a spaceship and did some space combat, and they did shockingly bad on account of everyone choosing the roll that, and i kid you not, they no modifier in; Eg: the pilot had a 0 in piloting, the gunner who could use either dex or int to fire had a 0 in both, the mechanic had a decent mechanics check... but spent the entire combat trying to hack and steal an opponents ship, the hacker on the other-hand worked to support the crew, mostly unsuccessfully and (Part 2)

(NewDM) and the magic user was actually firing of spells, so like they had the right idea at least... all in all i think it was pretty successful, even though they ended the game not even knowing the other characters names because they never actually spoke to each other... but yeah, im looking forward to new week tho.. the players were a capitalist space dragon-born, a human test subject with magic powers, a furry space barbarian, a robot hacker/rouge and a cyborg alien mechanic (Part 3)

(NewDM) but yeah dude! i didn't use music for mine, how are you planning on running yours? just like youtube or do you have some kind of system? also is yours DND? how much do you know about your players? Also i don't know if you recall but when i first started tell you about my game, i told you bout a player who was kind'a power hungry.. having played more with him i had the realisation that i basically play the exact same when im a player... its just misplayed enthusiasm really ukno? (Part 4)

//

oh inCREDIBLE. i was already thrilled when u said starships & spacewyrms (I’ve never heard of it but it sounds right up my alley, I love both those things) but then u started explaining how ur players chose the exact bad things for themselves & im now DELIGHTED. this is peak RPGs, im getting joy vibes, im getting stupidity vibes, im getting fresh faced DM making the slow & steady walk to grizzled vet vibes.

more seriously, that sounds amazing! it sounds to me like ur happy to work the improv side, adjusting as u go, like if ur players aren’t communicating & it forces u to make a space horde for them to fight. improv can be hard to use if ur not accustomed to it but i think it’s probably one of the most important skills for a DM, rolling with whatever ur players give u? i have only run two games tho so lmao maybe i will have a different view after tmrw. most importantly tho, it sounds like u had fun!!! that’s great !! & im glad that the power hungry player seems just enthusiastic - communication is still important but if ur content, that’s great!

as for my game: for music, i just have a speaker set up wireless from my computer. it didn’t work last time for some reason but imma test it this time, otherwise i will just play it through my laptop. i use game soundtracks usually (probably the wild hunt vibes mixed with destiny maybe), but i also like tabletop audio & sites like that which allow u to find audio like crowd chatter or a blacksmith workshop & stuff like that.

we are playing DND in my game, yes !! i have four players, three of whom i was friends w in high school & we reconnected through dnd abt a year ago now bc my friend offered to run a game for me! my fourth player is a friend of one of theirs who wanted to get into rpgs again. they’re all rly nice & funny & im very lucky !! the dm for my very first game is an Incredible dm (he helps me with some of the rules sometimes lol, like When The Fuck Does Sneak Attack Actually Apply) & he’s playing as a kenku gunslinger (gun pigeon) which is just so much fun

[wirtless]

okay hi this is the anon with the crush on A and let me tell you abt our trip to nyc!! so it was just a day trip and our only goal was to see deh. it was so much fun!!! we were laughing so much the whole time and like touching a lot (which we’ve been doing a lot lately but more on that in a sec.) she loved the show and was sobbing her eyes out. the entire time i kept being like “i cant believe im taking you to deh” and she was just like “dude i know" 1/6

we spent the whole day together. i picked her up at 5am and we took the train down and we didn’t get back to her house until 5am the next day. so we were touching a lot the whole trip and like in general we touch each other frequently. but so much more during this trip. like we were constantly leaning against each other on the train rides/during the musical. there was a solid 10 min i was holding my phone and she was scrolling through it and like playing w my hands a tiny bit. 2/6

she rested her head on my shoulder a couple times on the train. and during the musical during a couple scenes she’d grab my hand and hold it rly tightly for a few seconds. also in general she’ll like turn her head and get rly close to me and we’ll like stare into each other’s eyes for a few moments but we do that a lot. (btw her eyes are beautiful) like she’ll get rly close to me. 3/6

we weren’t able to stagedoor (which she was DYING to do) bc of getting to our train on time and then the train was late a few hours anyway so she was kind of upset and I felt bad. she hates cities so so much (i love them) and a couple of times just hung onto me bc of the crowds. dude i just freaking LOVE this girl so much I’d marry her tmrw if I could. we both like had our journals w us and I was like “i’ve written abt you a couple times” and she was like “dude I write abt you all the time” 4/6

i really just don’t know if she likes me or if she’s even into girls. she’s made a couple of comments before abt girls and she points out anything rainbow at any opportunity but like. idk i just literally love this girl so much. she’s so fucking beautiful. i don’t want to read into anything too much, i just wanna enjoy what we have. my bff said I should just ask her point blank but idk yknow. 5/6

but the trip was so so so much fun. i’m so glad i could take her to deh. i’m so glad she loves deh. i’m so happy we both consider each other a really close friend now. I love that we go around driving all the time singing along to deh (we’ve assigned each other parts. I’m always Zoe and she’s always Evan. We constantly say that we should be cast as Zoe and Evan.) thanks for listening to me rant abt the girl I love lmao and I will continue updating you!! 6/6 

i havent been on desktop in FOREVER so never put these all together into one but BRO

first of all i LOVE IT AND MY HEART IS WARM!! second i kind of definitely maybe think theres an actual possibility maybe???!! in high school i was rlly close friends with this one girl and the relationship was very touchy feely in a way VERY similar to this, and even though i never thought much of it i kind of realized recently that we were basically dating and never called it that?? and tho we havent kept in touch im 99% sure she realized in college that she was into girls, and i realized that i was bi in college too, so basically i guess what im saying is that MAYBE YES YOU KNOW?? and maybe even if she’s not aware of it right now college might open her eyes a little bit

also recently i had a similar thing happen and point blank just..said something after dying about if for over a year and it worked out great!! iosjdfoajodiosdjf whatever happens im so happy you had this day together 

[journal-kyanite]

I don’t remember what I was gonna say after my last post but I did have an apple fritter for breakfast, a small brownie at like 2pm, a chicken and Swiss on wheat bread at like 8ish. I had some Pub cookies (chocolate chip-the squishy kind from like, when I was little and you went to the bakery to get a free one ), and then had some more at like 2am😞😳

But that’s fine. I brushed teeth at like 12 but then just now I did it again bc of that lol. (With mouthwash too lol-the whole shebang) that felt good

Anyway, I watched the first Lego movie. I have to finish it tmrw. I finished the Batman today from starting it like yesterday or two days ago. I went to the lib today so I have some comic books to read which is exciting.

I wanna watch the Lego movie 2 and the Batman one. I really wanna play the switch game of the Star Wars game where you are a Jedi under Vader. I’ve always wondered what that would be like so maybe I’ll spend the $30-ish to get it but who knows. I’ll still need to get some PS game to start playing on that. I’m excited. I have not finished Breath of the Wild but I’m seeing Lion on Tuesday so I kinda may need to give it back to himbs.

Nel said she called him Saja and I was in utter disbelief as my mind went into chaotic panic mode. She said that he said that he’s “okay” with it- I forgot her exact words. (Ugh about that)

It’s almost 4 am (I fell asleep at like 10-12 so that’s why I’m still awake and the cookies are not helping. Ugh.)

Anyway, I’m eager to hug Lion on Tuesday. I wanna be lovey dovey around him like he’s my bf but that may be a bad idea. Idk. I’m so comfy around him. We are technically just friends but not friend-zoned. (I feel like friend-zoned is when one person has shut the other one down hard and said verbally and unexpectedly that they just wanna be friends.)

I low key love talking about Lion to Nel. It makes me joyful inside in a delightful way like I’ve eaten the choicest of strawberry cakes and the feeling of it going down my throat lingers nigh.

I think that as long as we keep meeting up and hanging out and such (and idk, maybe still being touchy, although that part definitely does need boundaries), we should become good friends to the point where we might know each other better and maybe become more???? Idk.

Ig rn I’m cautiously optimistic but also terrified like ham that I’ll like him too much or we become something and then fall apart bc I need him in my life. He’s an amazing hooman and he’s so special to me (kind of like a locket that you discover in a secret cave in a secret location on a secret island no one else has ever discovered). He’s like that to me. He feels familiar in the best way. Idek how to explain this, but he feels like me? In a way??

I’ve always wanted a love story written by God. One that is perfect and slow but also passionate and considerate. He’s kind and he does talk a lot but idk, he feels interestingly spectacular. He’s like a strawberry that is sweet to taste and beautiful to look at, yet humbly at the bottom of the bush so only someone who is very careful to look shall see it.

Jojo says he’d see me [more] if he wanted to. (Despite school and work, but the fact remains, I don’t want him missing school or work opportunities bc I care about him. I love him as a friend and I care about his well-being more than me wanting to be in his presence. I want him healthy and not stressed. It takes a lot for him to drive an hour to PI, time and gas money. And working allows him to get here to see me. Not just anyone would do that. Idk where this friendship is headed, but he certainly is investing in it. TJ says Lion likes me, but i kinda don’t believe that. Not all the signs are there. He’s a guy, sure, but there’s more than just the driving that far and for that long, especially since Badger would have driven that far too.)

Anyway, I need to write more poems and short stories. I need to constantly be in writing mode. I may already be but the (04/21/22) yesterday of today I was doing, like nothing all day. I wasn’t productive. I think for the most part I just did a bunch of thinking and talking to myself which is majorly unproductive.

I did watch Secret world of Arrietty though. That was nice.

I hope tomorrow (today) will be better.

🌸xoxo🌸

kyanite