#and also I have borrowed left hand of darkness and not started it yet. because of my flaws...I need to return all the actual library books

[thebiggerbear]

This was my first Twilight character x reader story on here that I read and I cannot begin to tell you how pleased I am that I started with Emmett and with this work!!! This was beautifully written while also giving me all the angst and heartbreak and yearning feels experienced by Y/N. So well done!!!

The woods surrounding Forks were darker than you remembered. The dense canopy of evergreens blocked out most of the moonlight, leaving only thin beams to guide your path. Your breath came out in short bursts as you weaved through the trees, the familiar chill of the air biting at your skin. You knew this place like the back of your hand, and yet tonight, it felt different. Like the shadows themselves were warning you to turn back.

Love the description here. It immediately brought me right back to Forks and immersed me into the Twilight world. Very nicely done!!!

You’d told yourself a thousand times that you wouldn’t come back—that this part of your life was over. But staying away had proven impossible, and no matter how hard you tried to move on, something kept pulling you back to Forks. Back to him.

Oh my goodness, did I just let out a loud squeal? You're darn right I did!

The moment you stepped into the clearing, your heart stopped. He was there, standing as still as a statue, his broad shoulders tense and his dark eyes locked onto you. Emmett Cullen. The vampire who had stolen your heart—and then shattered it.

This is such a heart-stopping moment, though, to borrow your phrase. Seeing him in the moonlight, his eyes locked onto you, noting he's a vampire... You painted the picture so perfectly!

He let out a rough breath, his hands running through his dark curls, and for the first time, he looked vulnerable. Like the weight of everything he’d been carrying was finally too much. When his gaze finally met yours, there was no mistaking the anguish there. “I left,” he said, his voice quieter now, thick with emotion, “because I couldn’t control it anymore.” You frowned, confusion clouding your thoughts. “Control what?” Emmett’s expression darkened, and his fists clenched again. “The thirst,” he growled, like the word itself was painful. “Being around you… it was getting harder. You don’t know what it’s like, having to fight it every second. The scent of your blood—it’s overwhelming. And I couldn’t risk it anymore. I couldn’t risk you.”

I really do feel this is the conversation Edward should have also had with Bella in the books, too. At least Emmett is telling her and being honest with her here. And knowing Emmett's body count history, it's more than understandable why he left. He just straight up says it and I love it.

“You could’ve told me,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “We could’ve figured it out together.” Emmett shook his head, his eyes filled with a sadness that seemed to age him by centuries. “No, we couldn’t. I’m a danger to you, and you don’t even realize it. Every day that I spent with you, I was fighting my nature. One slip, one mistake, and you’d be gone. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”

Normally, I'd be frustrated with her like I get with Bella in New Moon (the whole saga quite frankly) whenever it comes to this harsh truth of a topic in a relationship between vampire and human in that world, but I can understand the reader's point here. And I appreciate that Emmett shuts it down, as much as it costs him to do so. (I also LOVE how you've taken Emmett's backstory and applied it here brilliantly btw!!!)

After what felt like an eternity, you stepped closer, close enough that you could reach out and touch him if you wanted to. But you didn’t. You just looked up at him, your heart heavy. “I came back because I couldn’t let go of you,” you said softly. “But maybe… maybe it’s time I do.” Emmett’s eyes snapped open, wide with shock and pain, but he didn’t stop you as you turned away, your heart breaking with every step. He had left to protect you, but in the end, the danger wasn’t just in his nature. It was in the love that had consumed you both, the love that had torn you apart. And as you disappeared into the shadows of the forest, you realized that sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, you have to let them go.

Thank YOU. As much as this hurt and I hate to see Emmett in pain (he will always be one of my fave Cullens!), I am so glad to see a realistic reaction to the depth of the love between a human and a vampire in this world alongside to the danger the vampire actually represents. Don't get me wrong, I love the Cullens but it always bothered me that Bella refused to at least acknowledge that fact and fully process it no matter what anyone said to her, including Edward. Not until her own transformation anyway and other people like Charlie were at risk from her. So I am very glad to see this displayed here. And your writing is impeccable so like I said above, I am so glad I entered the Twilight x Reader reading territory with you as a guide to light my way and I started with one of your works!!! So well done!!! 😊💖💖

Letting You Go (Emmett Cullen)

Summary: You wanted to see Emmett again, but you realise it was a lost cause.

WC: 1kish

Warnings: Angst

Read on Ao3!

--

The woods surrounding Forks were darker than you remembered. The dense canopy of evergreens blocked out most of the moonlight, leaving only thin beams to guide your path. Your breath came out in short bursts as you weaved through the trees, the familiar chill of the air biting at your skin. You knew this place like the back of your hand, and yet tonight, it felt different. Like the shadows themselves were warning you to turn back.

But you couldn’t. Not when you had come this far.

You’d told yourself a thousand times that you wouldn’t come back—that this part of your life was over. But staying away had proven impossible, and no matter how hard you tried to move on, something kept pulling you back to Forks. Back to him.

The moment you stepped into the clearing, your heart stopped. He was there, standing as still as a statue, his broad shoulders tense and his dark eyes locked onto you. Emmett Cullen. The vampire who had stolen your heart—and then shattered it.

“You really shouldn’t come back here, you know.” His voice was low, rough around the edges, a far cry from the easy-going tone you used to love. “It’s not safe.”

You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to keep walking toward him even though every instinct screamed for you to run. “I know,” you said softly, your voice barely carrying through the cold air. “But I had to see you.”

Emmett didn’t move. He stood there, his jaw clenched, his hands balled into fists at his sides. The distance between you felt like a canyon, even though it was only a few feet. He looked the same as he always did—strong, imposing, impossibly beautiful—but there was a hardness in his eyes now, a darkness that hadn’t been there before.

“You shouldn’t have come back,” he repeated, his voice sharper this time. “You’re putting yourself in danger.”

You took another step closer, ignoring the warning in his tone. “Why, Emmett? Why did you leave like that?” Your words cracked under the weight of the question you’d been carrying for so long. “I need to understand.”

For a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something in his expression—regret, maybe, or pain—but it was gone in an instant, replaced by a cold detachment that made your heart ache.

“There’s nothing to understand,” he said flatly, his eyes hard. “I left because it was the only way to keep you safe.”

Safe. The word felt like a dagger in your chest. Safe from what? From him? The thought made you sick.

“You think leaving me out of nowhere was going to protect me?” you demanded, your voice rising with emotion. “You didn’t even say goodbye, Emmett. You just—vanished. I didn’t know if you were dead, or hurt, or if I’d done something wrong—”

“You didn’t do anything wrong!” he interrupted, his voice thunderous as it cut through the air, echoing in the clearing. His eyes flashed with something raw, something that broke through the icy exterior he’d been trying so hard to maintain. “This wasn’t about you.”

“Then what was it about?” you whispered, taking another step forward, desperate to close the distance between you. “Tell me, Emmett. Because I can’t move on without knowing why you left me.”

He let out a rough breath, his hands running through his dark curls, and for the first time, he looked vulnerable. Like the weight of everything he’d been carrying was finally too much. When his gaze finally met yours, there was no mistaking the anguish there.

“I left,” he said, his voice quieter now, thick with emotion, “because I couldn’t control it anymore.”

You frowned, confusion clouding your thoughts. “Control what?”

Emmett’s expression darkened, and his fists clenched again. “The thirst,” he growled, like the word itself was painful. “Being around you… it was getting harder. You don’t know what it’s like, having to fight it every second. The scent of your blood—it’s overwhelming. And I couldn’t risk it anymore. I couldn’t risk you.”

Your breath caught in your throat. The realization hit you like a freight train. He had left because he was afraid of hurting you. But that didn’t stop the pain from gnawing at your heart.

“You could’ve told me,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “We could’ve figured it out together.”

Emmett shook his head, his eyes filled with a sadness that seemed to age him by centuries. “No, we couldn’t. I’m a danger to you, and you don’t even realize it. Every day that I spent with you, I was fighting my nature. One slip, one mistake, and you’d be gone. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened.”

Your heart shattered at his words. The depth of his fear, his self-loathing, was laid bare before you, but it didn’t change the fact that he had left you in the dark. That he had ripped your heart out without a second thought.

“You leaving already hurt me, Emmett,” you said, tears welling in your eyes. “It hurt more than anything you could’ve done. You thought you were protecting me, but you broke me instead.”

He flinched, and for the first time, you saw him break too. His shoulders sagged, and his eyes squeezed shut as if he couldn’t bear to look at you anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “I’m so sorry.”

The silence that followed was suffocating. The man you loved was standing right in front of you, but it felt like there was a wall between you, one that couldn’t be torn down by apologies or explanations.

After what felt like an eternity, you stepped closer, close enough that you could reach out and touch him if you wanted to. But you didn’t. You just looked up at him, your heart heavy.

“I came back because I couldn’t let go of you,” you said softly. “But maybe… maybe it’s time I do.”

Emmett’s eyes snapped open, wide with shock and pain, but he didn’t stop you as you turned away, your heart breaking with every step.

He had left to protect you, but in the end, the danger wasn’t just in his nature. It was in the love that had consumed you both, the love that had torn you apart.

And as you disappeared into the shadows of the forest, you realized that sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, you have to let them go.

[rexroads]

was tagged by @juliens-bakery and @littloblivious

last song listened to: when I was first tagged, it was howdoIlook by the pillow queens...rn it's undercover martyn by two door cinema club lol

currently watching: Yellowjackets! It's fun but idk why there's been so much, I guess hype over it. I don't know if I find the storyline juggling particularly satisfying in the second season.

currently reading: IN THEORY I am reading the tommyknockers by stephen king and the grip of it by jac jemc. In practice I'm just sort of . not

currently obsessed with: my cats the studio is closed so I'm like, sliding towards being a 14 year old again and watching monster factory and wanting to play pokemon. also clangen . it's not even very good??

tagging, ah, @nevertrustablueberry and @toxicanaconda , unless you don't want to lmao

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Just One Reason: Happiest Time of Year

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Lloyd Hansen

masterlist - to be added

Summary: A chance encounter at the sandwich shop doesn’t end how you expect.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

You put the phone down. You don’t even have the energy to be disappointed, because you’re not surprised. You don’t have hope left to be let down. You blow out between your lips and hang your head, holding it as you rest your elbows on your legs. 

Right. There’s nothing left. You can’t ever accept that but you also can’t change that. Yet what is really the twist of the knife is that you’re not getting your money back. It’s the beginning of December and you’re dirt poor. Literally. Everything you have is now in the ground. 

Well, at least you don’t have any gifts to buy. You roll your eyes back before another deluge of tears can flow over. You throw yourself back against the couch and sigh. 

“So, how did that go?” Lloyd gives you a start as his timbre slices through the tension. 

“How everything’s been going,” you sit up, embarrassed, unsure of how long he’s been there. “So, not well, but nothing I can do but keep going forward. If that’s even possible.��� 

“Mm, I’m sorry, toots,” he hums. 

You stand and shrug. “I think I’m just going to go be alone.” 

He nods as he watches you curl around the couch and cross the room. He doesn’t move from the doorway, “shoot, I never seen you like. I never imagined you so down. I wish I could do something to cheer you up.” 

“You’ve done enough,” you insist. “Really. I mean, if I can’t get out of here quick enough, there’s a shelter--” 

“A shelter? No, no, you stay here as long as you need to,” he shows his palms. “Oh, wait, I got an idea. Something to distract you, huh?” 

“I don’t know,” you drone. 

“Tell me you’re not tired of wearing my handmedowns,” he tugs on the borrowed pullover and you shy away. 

“Better than nothing,” you say. 

“Right, well, I like that about you, tootsie roll. Easy to please, but you gotta start knowing your worth. You deserve better. So how about it, we can go for a shopping spree?” 

You blink at him. “Lloyd, I can’t. I don’t--” 

“Merry Christmas. Consider it my gift to you.” 

“Christmas...” 

“Nothing wrong with an early present,” he smirks. “Come on.” 

“But... I can’t pay you back. I can’t even get you a gift.” You deflate, “without my laptop, I don’t even have a job.” 

“Add that to the list,” he ticks the air with his finger. “Your gift to me will be coming with me. So, let’s go.” 

You stare at him. You can’t say no. Not after everything. He’s all you have left and he’s so nice. That man you saw shouting in a sandwich shop turned out to be so much different than you expected. For once, a bad thing ended up better. 

“Right, sure. Let’s go hit a Walmart,” you force a smile. It’s less than genuine. It hurts your cheeks and your heart. Your eyes sting. 

“Walmart? Pfft, forget that noise,” he grabs onto your wrist and pulls you through the doorway. “Coat, boots, tie em up tight. We’re gonna be doing a lot of walking.” 

❄️

You rub your hands together as you cross the lot towards the mall. As you near the doors, the glass reflects you. You see yourself next to Lloyd. You see how much you don’t belong, not just him, but there. 

As always, his hair is perfect quaffed. Combed neatly with the sides trimmed close. And he wears a stylish coat, not a practical one. His leather boots give him little traction and he grabs your shoulder as he slips on a patch of ice. 

“Woah, you okay?” You grab his elbow to steady him. You’re not much help. 

“Good,” he snorts. “Got you to hold me up.” 

You scoff, “whatever.” 

“Almost got you,” he teases. 

“Almost got me what?” You wonder.  

“Smiling. For real this time,” he says. “I’ll get there.” 

He reaches for the door and opens it for you. You thank him as you step through. It feels overly polite, especially for him. He follows you inside and the warmth trapped in the crowded mall hits you like as wall. Your shivering is quickly replaced with a sheen of sweat. 

You remove your gloves, then your hat. The only things you have that are yours are your outerwear; only what you wore on that horrible night. You sniff and look around. The other shoppers gab and giggle and you just want to melt onto the floor with the thawed snow. 

“Oh, first thing’s first, lattes,” Lloyd grabs your hand and drags you towards the open front of the cafe. 

“Lloyd.” 

“Look, they have a candy cane one. Gotta try it. Tis the season, right?” 

“That’s nice, but really, it’s fine. We should just get what we need,” you say. 

“We need lattes,” he insists as he stops in the queue. 

“Alright,” you surrender. You’re not going to argue. You have no place to. He's doing something nice, you shouldn’t be such a dark cloud. 

The cafe is as busy as the rest of the place. You’re not surprised. It’s that time of year. There’s jingling music, bright signs declaring outrageous sales, and tinsel all around. 

Lloyd clucks, “jeez, sure taking their time.” 

“It’s packed,” you say softly. “Gotta be patient, I guess.” 

“Mm, guess you’re right.” He taps his toe and puts his hands on his hips.  

You glance over at him as he stares over the heads of the girls in front of you. They narrow as he watches the barista chatter to a coworker as she refills the whipped cream dispenser. He sighs. For a moment, you see the man you first met in that shop, yelling about a wrap. 

“Would be fast if they stopped yapping,” he mutters under his breath. 

“Lloyd,” you chide gently, “if it’s too much of a wait, we can skip it.” 

“No, I want a latte. You need a latte. You deserve one,” he snips. “You should be spoiled, tootsie. You’ve lost so much, you should get one thing you want.” 

It hits you like a slap. ‘Lost so much...’ If only he knew how much. Like really knew how much it hurts. You lower your chin and shudder out a breath. You’re dizzy from all the people and the noise and the smell of cinnamon. 

“Hey, uh, do you mind if I sit down?” You ask breathily. 

“Yeah, that’s fine, but... are you okay?” His forehead lines with concern. 

“It’s... yeah, just realise I haven’t eaten since breakfast.” 

“No? I told you to help yourself.” He arches a brow. 

“Yeah, I just forgot. Lot on my mind,” you nod and look away. “I see a table in the corner. I just need to rest my legs.” 

“Sure, sweetie,” he reaches and runs his hand down your arm, a gesture that surprises you.  

You watch his touch fall past your sleeve and you cautiously back away. He turns his attention back to the counter and his throat bobs as he moves forward with the line. You retreat and claim the small table in the corner. 

It isn’t just the crowd or the music or the cheer, it’s that he’s not there. Your dad isn’t there. You might not be alone and you owe Lloyd that but you are in agony. You just want him back. 

[dr-trafalgar-law]

Trafalgar Law X CisFem Reader

1

The rich scent of coffee percolated through the small apartment kitchen. Preferring to keep the room dark only the tiny light above the stove was left on. The sun had yet to rise and judging by the pattering against the window above the sink it wouldn't matter anyway.

Bringing the hardly sweetened liquid to his lips Law did his best to keep anxious thoughts away. Usually these consisted of work related topics, things he needed to get done when he arrived at the hospital or patients that took priority. This particular morning you were prominent.

He thought back to a night in November. At the time you had been matched for a month and had very recently moved in together. He had been opposed to all of this arranged marriage nonsense from childhood. Forcing people to be together for procreation didn't seem healthy mentally. But the alternative was prison, so most people just went with it.

Then he met you and discovered how similarly you operated so he decided to learn more. You had been pretty forthcoming with your reluctance, almost offensively so. You also felt the need to explain that you had a previous relationship that ended abruptly because of the law and obviously weren't dealing with it in a healthy way.

That week you stayed late at the shop every night working on different orders. When he did see you, you were practically vibrating with nervous energy. So, the nightly ritual of visiting the shop started, at least until that Friday. When he had announced he was coming to the shop you told him you'd meet him at home, which you did arriving at the same time. Even in the chilly humid air he thought he caught the scent of cologne as you passed, chalking it up to the hoodie you must have borrowed from a coworker, as he had never seen it before. After showering you shared the meal he'd brought from the hospital. You didn't say much but somehow seemed at ease especially considering the project you had been working on. Perhaps finishing the cakes provided some sort of closure? No, Law couldn't be that naive. Something definitely happened, something you didn't want to share. However, at the time he wasn't compelled to press you for information. He wasn't sure that even now after nearly four months you'd come clean. It wasn't like you had grown any closer as a couple, and he didn't know if you ever would.

His ears perked hearing your bedroom door softly open and shut behind you. Finally, the smell of coffee had made it to your room inviting you into the kitchen. You rounded the corner in an old purple shirt with the collar cut out, so it hung off your left shoulder, a pair of black leggings and mismatched knee-high socks.

His silver eyes roamed over the dip of your exposed shoulder before swaying up to your yawning face. It amused him that from day one you had no problem looking like a straight up mess in front of him. Perhaps it was because you weren't interested or maybe you just weren't like other girls. No woman he'd ever slept with dared to be seen without makeup.

You wore makeup as well, but it was always tastefully done. Law had surprised himself finding that he preferred you without, he liked the very light olive toned semicircles under your eyes and the natural hue of your lips so much so that on occasion you caught him staring. Being unaware of this preference and very aware of his constant stern expression, you had not thought about the attention being out of attraction.

"Morning." You yawned again running your fingers through your tangled hair.

"F/N-ya." Your fiancé nodded bringing his cup back to his lips.

"Top you off?" you asked pulling your mug from the cupboard not bothering to turn on the lights.

"Big order this week?" Law asked leaning back to hand you his cup.

"No, just couldn't sleep. There isn't much going on today I might just stay here and get some things done." Now that you'd said more he noticed your voice was a bit hoarse.

He hummed turning to let his eyes trail over you, even in the dim yellow light of the stove your skin seemed pale and clammy. Carefully he watched you fix his cup of coffee with shaky hands and move on to your own. The shadows under your eyes had deepened slightly, it was probably nothing, but no one would die if he asked.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes doctor," you smirked handing his cup over, "just a restless night is all."

"Then It's best if you stay home." He affirmed sipping the strong brew.

Somehow it was always better when you made it, though you did it the exact same way he had, yours was something to savor.

"Is it good?" You asked in amusement.

"It's ok. Why?" was his curt reply.

"You hummed," you chuckled, "That means you like it."

Had he? When were you so observant?

"I did no such thing." He glanced away from your smug expression.

"Will you be home for dinner? I was thinking about cooking." The light from your phone caught his attention drawing his gaze back to your face.

"I can probably arrange that." He tried to sound nonchalant, but you caught the intrigue in his tone.

"Anything you'd like? It's been a while since I made something savory, but I can still throw down."

He raised a brow at your enthusiasm, "Whatever you'd like is fine."

"Sandwiches then?" You teased.

He rolled his eyes, "If you can really throw down, how about onigiri, Ms. Chef."

"That will require some research and a trip to the store, but I accept your challenge." You were already searching for recipes on your phone.

After sitting in silence for a few moments and finishing his second cup of coffee Law checked the time and rose from the table to place his mug in the empty sink.

"Seven o'clock." You murmured looking up to meet his stormy gaze.

"I'll do my best. Have a good day F/N-ya." He exited the kitchen, a few seconds later followed by the sound of the door locking from the outside.

After your short trip to the store, you returned home to stock the fridge and pantry. It was shameful how much time you avoided spending there. Only coffee, sugar and creamer sat in the kitchen, and there were still boxes stacked in a corner of the living room waiting to be unpacked. You intended to remedy that.

Moving into the common space you began opening boxes. They'd been there so long you didn't know if they belonged to you or Law. The first was heavy and filled with medical magazines and notebooks. Box two was full of novels, most of them adventure, and the smallest was yours full of framed pictures and photo albums.

You organized the magazines and novels on the empty bookshelf that lined the back wall, leaving Law's notebooks for him to sort. At the bottom of that box you found a small framed picture turned over. Carefully you plucked it from the box curiosity piquing as you flipped the silver frame over. Law hadn't had any pictures of family or friends that you knew of. Making a mental note to ask about that your gaze fell over an old photo of your fiancé. He couldn't have been more than ten, wearing a school uniform with a little yellow backpack hooked over his shoulders. Next to him crouched a tall blond man with shaggy bangs swept across his face and a cigarette pressed between his lips. You were sure he'd always had that attitude and judging from the look on his adolescent face you were correct. The man in the photo must have been his adopted father, whom he didn't talk much about.

You filled your day with little projects and finally got around to making dinner. It wasn't difficult, but it was time-consuming. You felt good about preparing something he had picked specifically. It was your job to make people happy through their appetites, but this for the moment muted the crippling guilt that had been plaguing you.

Seven turned to eight turned to nine o'clock. You covered dinner in plastic and placed it in the fridge before moving back to the living room to binge watch some shows you had missed. It was disappointing that Law hadn't arrived or returned your texts but you supposed that came with being a doctor.

                                                                                          ____________

Law walked in quietly shutting the door behind him, first noticing the pictures lining the hallway. He stopped at the photo of his eleven-year-old self with Corazon on the first day of sixth grade. You must've had a productive day. Feeling incredibly guilty he continued into the apartment greeted by the soft light of the tv, he hadn't even noticed you on the sofa buried in a mess of blankets until you gasped.

"Sor-" Law was cut off as more gasps left the now writhing blanket pile.

Removing his coat, he crouched down pulling the throws away quickly. Your body had curled up into itself as you tried desperately to catch your breath. In the natural motion to ball up you'd smashed yourself into the back of the sofa. His slim tattooed fingers wrapped firmly around your wrists as you clawed at your chest and throat.

"D-don't..." you rasped.

"F/N-ya," he started softly pulling you into him as he sat, "try to calm down."

"Trying." You shuddered grasping his hands trying to fend off your instinct to fight back.

Now your clammy skin and shaky hands that morning made sense to him.

He hummed cradling you while you cried and hiccupped still hooked into a fetal position. Being wrapped in his warmth and hearing his low soft voice helped you focus on your breathing. The dark abyss that had been enveloping you began to fade.

"I'm... I'm sorry." You stammered. 

[jun-hug]

dream team art school! au

Doodles that inspired me to write a little drabble fic :)

ꕤ • ꕤ • ꕤ

This was Georges biggest project,

okay maybe biggest project this semester... or last 2 months, either way the assignment occupied boys attention for couple last weeks, especially this week. That's why his two best friends were so eager to meet up, it felt like they haven't seen him in so long yet they go to same university. When brunette texted on their group chat asking for a hand with a photoshoot he haven't even blinked an eye before they eagerly agreed.

What's even more exciting, boys haven't seen George's project yet! The oldest kept it a secret to "prevent the leaks" because apart from it being his assignment it was also an entry to one of his most ambitious fashion competitions. The fashion awards of all US fine arts universities. He had high hopes for it.

"Alright I'm almost ready, remember to put the ISO to 200, I borrowed those lights for a reason!” Georges words were a little muffled but still understandable as he worked on setting his design as perfectly as it could get.

"Got it Gogs, come on we don't have a whole day!” they did, their classes finished at 11am today and it was Friday so they were free for the next days. Sapnap was just eager to see the boys creation, after all he put all his heart into it, like he does to all his projects. "Actually we do" Dream interjected, youngest only glared at him knowing damn well he's as impatient considering constant taps on his thigh.

"Yeah Sap idiot, we have all day.. but you're right, it's better if the light from outside is still at it's best." he finally emerged from behind the wardrobe curtain. Okay. The boys were stunned it's not that George usually doesn't look like goddess himself - that's far from truth actually. It's just that this time they're seeing his art mixed with all his grace and beauty. Sapnap manages to whisper little "Oh god" only for Dream to hear, as the tallest boy starts "You-”

The baby blue glowy shirt, ornamented with flowered embroidery makes his face look soft, bringing out his strawberry cheeks and eyes hinted with a bit of peachy shadow. It all contrasts, yet fits without fault with a long, red, mermaid cut skirt. It's flowy, the material decorated with blue beads in the shape of hearts- And oh-

Dream gasps, Sapnap inhales loudly. Fishnets, George is wearing fishnets and the cut in the thigh is so high it shows his left leg fully. good christ, they are so down bad. Sapnap eyes Dream and They can really just see how both of them are fully raspberry blown faces.

They are both hot. red.

And The brunet who's the one and only cause is clearly oblivious to their reaction as he innocently asks "so how does it look?", makes a gesture with hands showing of the sleeves and frills on the skirt.

"I- you, it's well, George, it's so beautiful you look amazing." Dream exhaled eyes still on him, almost not blinking.

"George it truly is gleaming - I mean the colour palette for this one??? Ms Chevreu will loose her shit when she sees this! You actually are so skilled holy smokes” Sapnap added still admiring his friend's piece.

"awe thank you! I hope she looses her shit to be honest that would be funny, she's into reds recently so I think she will" boy snickered, his cheeks visibly tinted, not only from blush he applied couple minutes ago.

"alright!" he clapped his hands "time for shoot!"

Youngest set the light, while dark blond took photos to fill the entire SIM card folder. Taking that George was /very/ photogenic it was easy to catch the best shots, it's almost like he looks perfect in all of them. George is perfect tho, Dream thinks.

"Okay I think we're done, I took pictures from every side I think" Dream announced as George stretched "gods yes please my back is starting to hurt so bad" as to emphasize that he popped his bones ”ew George don't do that” Sapnap made a face.

"what do you mean you are the worst back popper I've met. Hearing only a scoff in response from other boy George's half lidded eyes closed for a little while.

"He's meditating guys!” Dream squeeked in one of his mocking voices, George giggled "he's died!"

"Okay, that's it I'm checking the photos!" Sapnap yanked the camera from the tallest's hands and plopped on one of the puff poufs. "Hey be careful you goose! this camera only cost me 5 and a half months of cafeshop money!” Dream hurried with scolding

George got up slowly and joined the youngest, soon enough all three of them were slumped on floor, brit in the middle looking and commenting on photos. "Hey guys.." brunet started, causing Dream and Sapnap turning to him.

"yeah?" dark brunette asked.

"thank you... for supporting me, like not only this time but at all" he turned his eyes from both pairs of theirs. Then he cupped each cheek and gave it a short kiss.

Boys blushed, all three of them.

"Yeah no problem Gogs, we'll always be your biggest fans" Sapnap breathed out.

"Always" Dream repeated.

And if for the rest of the day boys only watched movies all cuddled up on couch, snacking on anything they found in brunets kitchen, that was on them.

thank you for reading ♡

hugs,

Jun

[curseofhecate]

I never was the best to you

Sirius Black x Female!Reader, Subtle Remus Lupin x Female!Reader.

In which you and Sirius break up and you realise you were never the best to him.

1.6k

tw: angst, depression, not eating, suicidal thoughts (kind of), my shitty writting.

This imagine is based off of the song 'Best' by Gracie Abrams. I'm going to be honest 'Good Riddance' destroyed what was left of my mental health. Also this is my first attempt writting something so sorry if it sucks (because I'm pretty sure it does).

The first week after things between me and him ended wasn't easy. I didn't have the energy to get out of bed, the thought only exhausted me. I skipped most of the day's meals, not only becasue I didn't have an appetite but I wanted to avoid him at all costs. Which meant avoiding the Great Hall and being absent from both breakfats and dinner.

Lily would offer bring food in my dorm for me after dinner.

I knew she was worried about me. Both her and the Marauders, minus Sirius of course, had made many fruitless attempts to get me to do something productive, or do anything at all. James went as far as saying I could borrow his invisibility cloak, which was his most prized possesion, so that I could walk around the castle without him noticing.

Remus offered to take me to 'The Three Broomsticks' on a Saturday afternoon, which was by far their busiest day, even though he hated crowded places. Lilly cancelled her date with James just so me and her, along with Marlene, Dorcas and Mary, who also ditched their plans for me, could hang out all day. "Think of it as an 'Only Girls’ day. No boys allowed" she had said.

I had turned every single one of their offers down.

I must really have sucked at being a friend back then.

They gave me many chances to move on and to forget, to feel alive again. But I felt like I couldn't let go of him just yet so I decided to stay dead, let the days pass without a meaning in them. It was too soon.

The one time Lily managed to get me out of bed that week was on a gloomy Thursday afternoon, when she walked with me to the Great Hall for dinner. I was relieved when I took notice of Sirius' absence. I wasn't sure I could face him yet.

But it wasn't ten minutes later when Sirius walked into the Great Hall with a dark haired Ravenclaw, who was laughing over something he had said moments ago, holding his hand. My heart only broke into tinier of pieces at the sight, ones that I thought I wouldn't be able to restore.

The boy stopped, kissing the girl on the lips before they parted her going to sit by her friends at the Ravenclaw table while he headed our way. Only when he turned his head to scan the table for the rest of the Marauders did he notice me.

His expression didn't flicker, that silly smile still lingering on his face. That silly smile I grew to love, only to hate later on. He walked over to us and sat next to Prongs, who happened to be sitting across from me.

He sighed and started filling his plate with food before eating. I stayed there frozen. How could he have gotten over us in such a short time. It was like I never meant anything to him. But even if I did back then, I clearly don't now.

So I sat there, looking at him casually conversing with Oliver, the Gryffindor boy in our year who happened to sit next to him. We were so close, yet so far apart.

I regretted not listening to Lily telling me not to fall in love with him back then, because it would end up with my heart broken. I regretted the memories I made with him, I regretted that he was most, if not all, of my firsts. I regretted him.

He was the worst of my crimes. The one that caused me such pain that if I could turn back time, I'd never commit.

Remus, who seemed to notice my discomfort, placed a hand on my thigh softly as if he wanted to tell me 'It's okay, I'm here for you, still'. The subtle move had me melting. Why couldn't Sirius be more like his friend?

Then the Ravenclaw girl from earlier came over. She took Oliver's seat next to Sirius and interlocked their hands. Valerie, she introduced herself. She was in the year below us and seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that it hadn't even been a full week since me and Sirius had broken up.

I told her my name, for I didn't her to think I had anything against her. Anything at all. It didn't matter that the boy I loved most had left me just to get with her a few days later.

Deep down I wanted to scream.

Instead I sat silently, Remus' hand still on my thigh, watching the two interact. And at that moment I waved goodbye to all the versions of myself I was when he was still with me. 'Good Riddance'.

Looking back, I an see why things took such a turn. I was never good enough for him, let alone the best. And I would never be, no matter how much I tried.

I would lie to him constantly. I'd tell him I was alright, even when I was clearly struggling. I kept my problems to myself, not daring to let him completely in, fearing he would leave me if he saw how bad things actually were.

I felt like I had to make up a completely different version of my life, like I had to hide all my flaws and struggles. I felt like I had to create this perfect image for him to love me.

I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't help but keep lying to him. It was like a little strange addiction of mine.

Even when I completely isolated myself he'd try to stay, he'd try to help me. He might not have known what I was going through at the moment but he still tried to be supportive and made sure it was known to me that he cared.

And even though I knew he was there for me, I still passed him away and built countless of walls around me so I could keep my struggles secret. So I would still be perfect in his eyes, when in truth everything was falling apart.

He had every right to leave. He could have anyone he wanted, he of course wouldn't want to stay with someone who was drowning in their own thoughts. He could be with someone so much better than me, so much prettier than me, someone so much smarter. Someone like Valerie.

I never was the best to him.

So why would he stay with me?

We were so different; it is even surprising how we got together in the first place. He was loud and brave, and always voiced out his thoughts. I was quiet and shy, and afraid of almost everything. The dark, thunders, growing up, making decisions.

I feel terrible because I gave such gravity to so little things that didn't matter at all. He was struggling too, with his family and his brother but instead of helping him through his problems I neglected him. Focusing on my own demons.

That's what I regret, most of all. That I didn't care enough for him, or at least I didn't show it.

If I could, I would change every little thing about the way I handled it.

He let me in. He trusted me with his struggles and his fears, he let me see the sensitive side of him. He let himself break down in front of me, he let me see him in a vulnerable position. He gave me the best of himself, never hiding anything from me.

It wass my fault, it was all my fault and I'd never let myself forget this.

But he moved on. He healed and kept going like we never existed while I was still right where he had left me. I was losing every last bit of self control I had, my grip on reality slipping. I was building so many walls around me that it was suffocating.

But I deserved it. I deserved it all. For what I did to him.

Sometimes I wonder if everyone would be better off without me. Maybe if I wasn't there the Marauders and the girls wouldn't have to worry about me. My parents wouldn't have to be disappointed in their child. My teachers wouldn't worry about my well being, that seemed to have taken a toll on my grades. Sirius wouldn’t have felt neglected once again by a person he loved.

Sometimes I just wish I could end it.

It would be okay if I didn't exist in the first place. But if I left now, the only thing I would achieve was to wound the ones that still cared. And I couldn't bring myself to do that.

So I stayed.

And things eventually got better.

I still regret it.

[alex51324]

Today I got started on a big craft project, finishing a quilt that my late stepmother started.  It’s what I learned as a “typing paper quit,” but I recently found out most people call a “string quilt.”  

Here are a couple of images of completed ones, borrowed from the website for Heartstrings--a virtual sewing circle that makes string quilts for charitable causes--just to give you the idea:

I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to piece mine with sashing (as in the second picture) or straight block-to-block, as in the first picture.  

To make a string quilt, or typing paper quilt, you take squares of paper and sew strips of fabric together across them, usually diagonally.  Here are some strips and the paper squares from my stepmother’s work bag:

The big advantage of this method is that you can use strips of varying widths and lengths, using the paper foundation to trim the squares down to uniform size.  That way, you’re spared a lot of fiddly measuring and cutting at the beginning of your project.   

And here are some finished squares:

My stepmother had done 78 of them.  Judging by the amount of paper and strips left, she may have meant to do a lot more, but I worked out that I can make a reasonably-sized quit with eight rows across and ten down--it’ll be a little smaller than a twin size, but I can add sashing and a border to bring it up to size.  That left me with only two more squares to piece. 

 The two on the left are the ones I did--you can see they look just about as good, but it took me about three hours just to do those two.  The back side of the squares show a little more about how the process works, and the reason my two squares took so long:

The uppermost square, on the right, is my stepmother’s piecing; the one on the left/underneath is mine.  She machine-pieced, but I never got the hang of using a sewing machine, so I’m stuck hand-piecing.  Hand-sewing through a stiff piece of printer paper is kind of a pain in the ass.  (You can buy special paper that is easier to work with, and if I end up needing to piece more squares, I’ll get some.)  

When you tear the paper backing off, the back of the square looks like this:

This is one of my stepmother’s; I haven’t dared tear the paper off mine yet.  Here’s the right side of the same square, for comparison:

The most usual size for squares in this type of quilting is 8.5 inches, the square you can most easily make out of a piece of typing paper.  My stepmother, however, did 6.5 inch squares.  I’m planning to start by piecing them into groups of four--I’m not sure if that’s what she was planning to do or not, but the 6.5 squares would then yield 12-inch blocks which is a fairly standard size for quilt blocks.  

Here I laid some out to get an idea of how it’ll look:

The corners will meet more neatly when it’s actually sewn. 

If I decide to go with sashing, it’ll be around those four-square blocks.  My stepmother’s stash for this project includes several big pieces of the neutral fabrics, including this dark brown.  I’m guessing she was thinking of using those for sashing, but I’m not actually sure. 

Once I get a few of the four-square blocks pieced, I’ll lay them out, with the different sashing fabrics and without sashing, to figure out what I want to do. 

Besides the materials for this quilt, I also inherited two big totes full of fabric, and her quilting hoop and sewing box.  The fabric includes a fair few pieced blocks left over from various other quilts she did.  Once I get this quilt done, I’m planning to assemble those into a sampler quilt--I did that once before, with blocks I found in a thrift shop; it’s a little tricky because of the blocks not being all the same size, but it turned out OK.  

I found it sort of meaningful, finishing that quilt that was pieced by a stranger whom I guessed had probably passed away, and didn’t have anybody in her family to finish it for her, so I think it’ll be nice to do this.  

[wontbyers]

I don’t know why anyone would not want Will to have powers. I’ve been on this train since the fucking start. He is the central character of the whole story, along with El. It all starts and ends with them. He is so connected to the Upside Down. He was the first one taken, hunted but not killed by the Demogorgon.

Remember it killed the scientist and Barb without hesitation, it didn’t bring Barb’s body to a secondary location (the library, apparently the center of town where the gates all converge in s4) and put a vine in her throat for purposes still unknown to us. Why was Will treated differently? I’ll note it’s possible that the vine is just the temporary stage for the demo-larvae incubation, which we know Barb’s body must have been subjected to as well with the slug coming out of her mouth later. We don’t actually see that process (thankfully) so we can’t be sure how it works and if that’s the only reason Will had the vine at that time.

But S4 shows us how the hive-mind and all the vines are connected to Henry/Vecna/One and how he absorbs people’s powers by either killing them or with the hive-mind, like the meat flayer biting El in s3 to steal/copy her powers. So it’s also possible that had something to do with the state Joyce and Hop found Will in. And in that case, what exactly was taken/borrowed from Will when he had the vine in him or when he temporarily died in the Upside Down in 1983?

He follows the “came back wrong” trope wherein even after he’s revived and brought back home, he had a connection to the other side. He was experiencing flashes into the UD (shadow-walking or what have you) when he wasn’t even possessed yet. In fact, the Mind Flayer (which we know now to be Henry’s tool) was specifically hunting him, stalking him, beckoning him, chasing him down.

Thus Henry either 1. opened the doorway for him into the other dimension (not a gate-doorway, but whatever that shadow-walking was—the “flea and the acrobat” but Will is the flea) so that he could possess him with the Mind Flayer, because he wanted Will in particular as his host for some reason.

OR 2. He chose Will as his host because Will could already shadow-walk (unintentionally/uncontrollably) and happened to make himself an available option for possession by being an accessible body in the UD, in which case Will is the one with the special ability.

Like, either he was chosen for a reason (we don’t know yet) or he was chosen for convenience because he was doing something supernatural on his own. Either way it’s fucking suspicious, no? What more do you people want??

Will also maintains his connection to the Upside Down hive-mind AFTER being exorcised of the shadow/flayer particles. He can sense that shit in s3 and s4 (once he’s back in proximity/in Hawkins.) He gets the same neck tingles he did BEFORE he was ever possessed, while he was possessed, after he was freed.

(And of course, Henry focuses on his vendetta against El because he has a personal beef with her, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t also have a secret motive for targeting Will, trying to use him for whatever purposes. The reason he hasn’t spoken it is to keep it a surprise—why would the Duffers show all their hands in the second-to-last season and not leave any more surprises for the big finale?? What other twist is left, unless s5 is just “they’re gonna have to fight him again until El finally puts him down for good, the end, nothing else unique or interesting or new to understand here.”)

IN ADDITION. The UD is frozen on the day Will was taken (November 6, 1983 is also the day El opened the mother-gate, but remember this was the second time she opened it so clearly it was not her influence that—either imprinted a flashbulb image of Hawkins as it was on that night onto the formerly untouched UD dimension, or froze the dimension in its progression of time if the UD was already existing as a dark mirror of our world at that point.)

This has Will written all over it, but everyone automatically assuming it only comes back to El is such a good misdirect that people who are not as invested in theorizing will be shocked to find out how deeply connected Will is with all of it. Everyone assumes El is the only main character but she and Will’s stories have always been so intertwined.

I swear, I’ve been waiting for the ultimate reveal of Will’s importance to the core storyline—not just “he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and then again idk”—for years. Since I first watched this show. Seeing people say he’s not is SO BIZARRE TO ME.

Some are just people who don’t care for him as a character and therefore refuse to see how central he is, even with all the evidence in their face. Some do like Will but are El super-fans who want her to be the only special one and think we’re trying to take something away from her by suggesting Will also has importance to the main supernatural storyline and has powers. Couldn’t be me, I’m a Willel Wonder Twins truther from day 1, fuck you. They’re equally central to the plot. They’re two sides of the same coin. They’re (platonic) soulmates.

But also seeing people who love Will and ship Byler say they don’t want him to have powers because “oh but Mike’s superhero complex, it’s not good for their romantic storyline because—” blah blah I’ve been a Will Byers stan before Byler and regardless of Byler. I love them, I need them to have their happy ending together, but Will Byers having powers and a connection to the Upside Down has ALWAYS been the plot and neither that nor the Byler plotline cancel each other out or cheapen each other!!! (Will being gay and getting the boy is not his only character arc. Controversial???)

My personal favorite theory: I think it makes so much sense if Will had an unknown ability to shape the Upside Down into a version of Hawkins—because we do get to see how the realm appeared before he was taken (when Henry explores it) and we know that it was frozen on the date he was taken.

The Duffers have literally stated that season 5 would address those questions, that they included that bit in s4 but didn’t explain it—which means that the answer CANNOT simply be that it’s the date El opened the gate and that’s why. That’s already the information we have. If that was the answer there wouldn’t still be a question.

Plus Will is paralleled to Henry—Henry was said to be a “sensitive” boy and had some artistic interest: he drew his spiders and the unique spider-adjacent shape of the “Mind Flayer” which we see him form out of the shapeless cloud of particles in the UD. Will also being an artist and having the unexplored ability to shape an imprint of his hometown on the foreign dimension he was adbucted into? More likely than you’d think.

Also, the idea that it’s maybe too late to show that he has powers, that he (or we as an audience) should have known by now? They did a whole entire plot-line in s4 where El had repressed memories due to trauma and was able to recover powers that had been stolen from her. Is it truly impossible that we’ll see a “plot twist” (it’s not a twist for genius Will-has-powers-truthers who have predicted it but I digress) where Will unlocks latent abilities that he didn’t even know he had?

He doesn’t have to specifically have powers to have shaped/frozen the Upside Down, I just think that makes a lot of sense. I also thinks it makes a lot of sense that he’s connected to the Upside Down without even being attached to the hive-mind, because he could sense it before/after the possession. Inarguable, actually that part’s just canon.

Speculation: maybe we’ll see him wrest control of the hive-mind from Henry and bring peace back to the Demogorgons and their home dimension. (Return it to being unspoiled by mankind.) That’s my ultimate pipe dream, but I probably won’t get everything I want.

Anyway, Noah Schnapp and the Duffers have all stated multiple times that Will is gonna be a big focus next season, fans are going to be shocked and pleased, it all started and will end with him etc etc. Whether you like it or not.

Get on board losers!!!! I don’t care if I’m mean, you are the most boring person ever if you think Will Byers doesn’t/shouldn’t canonically have powers in Stranger Things.

[layanasstories]

Cause of pain

Part 15

The coroner had told me that he will not show the face or the whole body, but only parts of that had markings that would allow me to recognise Jake. The body had nothing left that could give anything of recognition to me. Except for the build. That was indeed similar to Jake's. On the table next to the bed were a number of objects, clothes that had been put together like a jigsaw puzzle. Shoes, a rucksack, keys and some other objects that I couldn't place exactly what they were. I was missing something though, Jake's laptop and his phone. He had told me he had left these behind on purpose, well fully formatted of course.

I look up at Alan, with eyes full of tears "It's him, and those are his clothes he was wearing." I confirm sobbingly. "Is this all you were able to recover?" I ask next. Suprised, he looks at me. "What is it that you are missing?". "Nym-0S was attached to his phone and laptop. I assumed he had these with him." I try to explain. "Did you see these items?" he asks me doubtfully. "No, I didn't. But he did tell me that." my explanation is somewhat weak, but enough to receive a glimpse of acceptance. "Okay." He puts his finger up in the air and make a circle kind of gesture to the coroner, at which the curtain closes again.

"You did well. Shall we step outside for some air?" He asks. I nod yes and also ask if I can have a cup of water. Once outside, I take a very deep breath. The fresh air makes my heart rate drop a little again. "Are you doing better?" He asks me. I nod again. "Good." He replies to that in a much softer tone. "You are an amazing actor. Andrew is buying everything you put in front of him.". Sideways, I look at him with a look that could kill him. "You know damn well that basically everything you've just seen is real. And you, you better keep your deal with Jake too." I bite at him. "And then what, you're going to make sure I do?" With his ridiculing tone, he only makes me angry.

I give him a look where I drill straight through him into his soul. "I have just identified a charred corpse, a corpse he is responsible for. And you think I won't walk through fire to give him freedom. And that I'm afraid of a little police officer like you?" I snort disapprovingly "Think again before you say such stupid things.". "Is that a threat or something?" He laughs somewhat insecure. "No. That's a warning that you know I can live up to." I snarl.

That was the last thing we could say about it to each other, as Andrew stepped outside. "Layana, how are you feeling?" His question was sincere. "Much better with the fresh air, thanks." That was no lie, I really do feel better now that I am outside. "I want to thank you for your cooperation. Even though I cannot share many details, I can tell you that we will close the case. The coroner will soon release the body so that a proper burial can take place. He will contact you, if you want to arrange this yourself of course, given your relationship with Nym-0s." He explains. "Thank you." I say and shake his hand.

Both men had offered to take me where I was staying, but I declined. Apart from the fact that I had slept at Jake's place last night and it would look very strange if I were dropped off at his house. I was eager to walk the stretch, to get my thoughts in order. Because what I hadn't dared to think about yet had to happen. Lilly and Hannah, I had to inform them that for one her brother and for the other a friend, had died.

Before heading towards Jake's house, I had taken a detour to the lake. I know it's actually Jessy's spot to come to herself, but I was bold enough to borrow the spot. I sat there until it started to dusk. It was almost dark when I knocked on Jake's front door. When he opens the door, he looks at me tormented. "I'm glad you chose to come back here." The relief is clear in his voice. He moves aside so I can step inside. As he closes the door behind me, I look at him. "You have your freedom." I say with an iffy smile.

[worldofbullettrain]

The Roommates

Tangerine & Y/N

3 parter

“Lemon!! Where are my airpods!” Y/N yelled in a fit, ripping through her bed sheets in a thought that they may have fallen into some endless void, and your only plan now was to blame one of your temporary roommates.

“No clue, Blueberry.” Lemon yelled from the other room. That was strange, as Lemon was normally this slick rat that borrowed your things with no thought of returning them. There was a heavy sigh before you called out the other one.You and Tangerine did not get along, you haven’t since the day you met. If he wasn’t such a pretentious asshole who was more concerned about his facial hair than the human race, you might've found some semblance in enjoying his presence, but since that was not the case, you hated each other. As you yelled out his name, the silence was loud. You huffed out, feeling the ignorance already flooding into your room. Tangerine never really stepped foot in your room, and barely had he made his way nearer to your door, he seemed to always keep a practical 5-foot distance from it. You could have sworn that he wouldn’t take your things, because he was even grossed out by the plates you touched. You wanted to continue to search your room for the missing airpods, but something was telling you that they had made their way out of your room. As you left your room, you called the man again, still no answer. You now dug through the couch.

“Is he even here?” You looked at Lemon and he shrugged, scrolling through his phone. You rolled your eyes at his dismissal.

“Words are great. I know they are tough for Thomas fans like you, still learning and all.” You smirked. Lemon gasped and dropped his phone on his lap. You yelled out “Tangerine!” one more time to stop Lemon from his upcoming rant.

You looked over at the hallway leading to the room where Tangerine stayed. You were hesitant in even approaching the dark hallway. You walked over and saw his room door closed. You walked down and continued to yell his name every time you stepped closer. There was still no response. You finally got to the door, and knocked three times, calmly stating his name at first. There was still no response.

“He must’ve stepped out.” You said to yourself, but loud enough for Lemon to hear, you hear Lemon chuckle as you start down the hall. That was until you heard a thud in Tangerine’s room, and a quick “shit.”

You turn quickly on your heels, now yelling his name.

“Stop ignoring me, you arse!” You are now banging on the door.

“I am coming in, damnit!” You said on your final knocks. You bust through the door, the sight before you leaving your jaw on the floor. Tangerine in a pair of sweatpants, spinning around like a fool.

“Let’s get physical, physical..” The whispered hums coming from him were enough to make you cackle, yet you stood in front of him with nothing but your mouth open and furrowed brows. Your white airpods, tucked in his ears as he continued to dance around his room, not a thought of you being behind him in mind.

There was about a solid 10 seconds more before he finally opened his eyes and he jumped in the air, with a scream.

“What, the actual, fuck?” You said, as Tangerine held his hand over his chest, trying to catch his breath while also turning red from a mixture of anger and embarrassment.

“Jesus, you cunt, can’t you fucking knock?” He yelled out at you. You raised a brow, and crossed your arms. “I did.” You said sternly, not really sure how else to respond to the harsh word he decided to call you. “Get out.” He said.

“Uhm, no. I need my airpods, thank you very much.” You said now stepping towards him.

“Shit, give me like 20 more minutes. Please.”

“No! I need them for the gym, and that is right now.” You protested, now sticking your hand out. “Why did you go in my room in the first place?” You continued, now getting visibly annoyed at your roommate.

“I didn’t want too, but I needed to fucking decompress.” He responded. “You only use them when you’re watching porn anyway.” There it was, the comment you had been waiting for. He turned back around and pointed you towards the door before placing the headphone back in ear.

You let out a scream before attacking the man in front of you, tackling him onto his bed.

“Holy shit, you fucking psycho! He yelled as he held your prying arms in front of him the sounds of “Let’s get Physical” pumping through the white ear buds was like a stinging ambiance to the fight. You pulled back and punched him on his side, earning an angry ‘umph’ from him. He didn’t take lightly to your actions and now restrained both of your wrists above your head, before pulling his legs around your sides and flipping you onto your back. He sat on you now, and you wiggled below him, a slight glint his eyes showed briefly, causing you to stop moving your hips, and realize the position you both were in. His eyes were dark, and you knew it was time to get this man off of you. You pushed him off and onto the floor, where he fell with a loud thud.

You hopped up, and extended your hand once more, while the other fixed your hair.

He reached for his ears, only to find both the ear buds now missing.

“Well, shit.” He said.

“Must be lost in the sheets..” He winked.

[hlvrfreakyfriday]

HLVRFF: Chapter 10

The silence from the car ride lingered well into the evening after Gordon and Benry returned home. Benry pretty much made a B-line to his room and stayed there, though thankfully he left his door open, allowing Gordon to see he’s still there with just a glance as he passes by.

And just a glance is really the only look he’s been able to give Benry. He’s still been busy trying to process all this new information he’s gotten about the entity. The friendship thing, the lab rat thing, the… mind control for shits and giggles thing. Gordon’s not especially fond of that last part, or the fact that he’s been kept in the dark about it this whole time. Why’d Benry fess up to Tommy, but not him, huh?

…Probably because Tommy’s never told Benry how he hates him multiple times. Or how he wished he was dead just as often. Or shot him right in the face simply for being annoying. Or… yeah.

Gordon… can’t really say he blames him for being afraid to tell him. Knowing what he does now, it makes sense that the entity would be hesitant to share anything that’d make Gordon hate him more than he already does.

Well. More than he did, anyway.

As much and as often as Benry still pisses him off, Gordon honestly can’t say he hates the guy. Not like he did in Black Mesa. Hell, not even like he did four months ago when Benry came back from his Xen death. Like, yeah, he’s still not over all the things Benry did back then, and it'll probably be a long time before he will be, sure. But Benry’s not the only one who stressed out or traumatized Gordon back in Black Mesa. Aside from the weird skeleton ghost and ‘final boss’ stuff, Benry didn’t do anything that the rest of the Science Team didn’t also do at least once during their journey.

Gordon doesn’t still hate any of the others for things they did… and he doesn’t still hate Benry.

He wonders if Benry actually knows that. He should probably tell him.

He goes to Benry’s room to do just that. When he comes to stand in the room's doorway, he finds the entity exactly where he’s been since they got back home a couple hours ago- lying on the bed, hands folded over his borrowed middle, staring up at the ceiling, expression unreadable. He’s yet to even notice Gordon standing there.

That’s. A little concerning, Gordon’s not gonna lie. But then maybe Benry’s just still reeling from his recent near-permadeath experience. His very first one, come to think. Which is definitely something that could fuck a guy up.

Gordon gently knocks on the door frame, followed by a soft ‘hey' to get the other's attention. Benry finally notices him, glancing over at Gordon briefly before looking back up at the ceiling, and giving just a little hum of acknowledgement.

And then neither of them say anything. For like, a minute. Which feels insanely awkward.

They both end up trying to break the silence at once, both their words being unintelligible under the other’s. “Uh, you go first,” Gordon offers.

“i'm gonna move out. when we’re back to normal,” Benry states, still staring up at ceiling as he speaks. “i've been really good the whole time i've been here- uh, not counting this body swap shit since it was a total accident- so tommy's pops would probably let me live by myself now.”

“What?” Gordon can’t help but blurt out. Where the hell did THIS come from? “Why do you want to move out?”

Benry frowns. “because. y'know. it'd be uh, better if i did. better for… you,” he says, his borrowed voice quieting on those last few words.

Oh. “Benry…” Gordon starts, but is interrupted by Benry, the entity sitting up and shaking his head at Gordon.

“no man, look, okay, i know you’re gonna be like ‘nooo dude you don’t have to leave it’s okaaaay' ‘cause you wanna be all hero niceman and shit, but- but it’s NOT okay. i fucked up. i fucked YOU up. i fucked you up so much you still have fuckin' death nightmares about me. and, and i shouldn’t be here. me being here is just making things hard for you, having to- to live with the guy that scarred you for life. like- like how messed up is that? i never thought about it before, but i- but now- and i- i don’t wanna do that to you- i've already done so much bad, i don’t wanna do anymore- i never wanted to do any in the fff- th' first place, but i was- but i'm- and you hate me, and i- and i can’t- fuck,” Benry cuts off his own rambling, burying his face in his hands, fingers slipping up under borrowed glasses.

As he was speaking, Benry’s voice had started to waver more and more, until he apparently couldn’t keep it together any longer. Gordon frowns as the entity struggles to not full-on sob, unsure of what to do himself. He’s never seen anywhere near this amount of emotion from Benry, and it’s jarring, to say the least.

But, no… he has seen Benry get super emotional before, hasn’t he? Just not in this familiar human way. All those times Benry sang out those long trails of Sweet Voice, that was him being emotional. Between Benry’s often neutral face and Gordon’s lack of understanding of the Sweet Voice and its meanings, he never really made the connection before...

Being in Benry’s body now, though, he knows exactly what all those colourful lights meant. He knows just how emotional Benry really is, and he knows that this isn’t the first time he’s expressed feeling such guilt over his actions in Black Mesa, or how much Gordon’s disdain for him really affects him.

And with what he’s seeing here, now, it’s even more obvious that Benry feels such; that he’s not just indifferent and uncaring about everything like Gordon had always thought. Stuck in Gordon’s body, Benry has no Sweet Voice, and his emotions are forced to come out in the form of harsh, uneven breaths, barely held-back tears, and a face covered in looks of anguish and regret. Benry cares, a lot, and Gordon finally knows how he feels.

...He also has an idea how to let Benry know how he feels.

----------------------

Benry couldn’t stop himself as the words just spilled out of him.

Couldn’t stop himself as the tears started spilling, either.

He’d kept all these emotions bottled up for so long, unable to sing them out like normal, they’re finally forcing their way out as he uncontrollably starts to sob. He hasn’t had a breakdown like this since he was a little kid, and he hates it.

Especially since he’s pretty sure it’s making him look like a selfish asshole right now. Like, why the hell should HE be the one crying? Gordon’s the one with the fuckin’ trauma and shit! Which Benry can be blamed for like, at least 80 percent of! He has no right to be sad over the man he hurt so badly hating him. Gordon has every right to keep hating him, and to never forgive him, and to never see him again. And Benry KNOWS that, he understands that! So he needs to stop. Fucking. CRYING. Stop it. Stop crying. STOP-

.....

He stops crying, but not because he willed himself to.

He stops crying because Gordon’s singing at him. In colour.

An intense fiery orange to a deep moody blue, accompanied by a steady low tone.

When Gordon stops, he gives Benry an expectant yet nervous look, like he’s hoping Benry understands what that meant.

He does.

‘I don’t hate you.’

He looks to Gordon, and then back to the Sweet Voice.

Benry can’t believe it. He knows Gordon means it; Sweet Voice doesn’t lie. But he still can’t believe it.

They sit there in silence, Benry staring at the lingering lights, Gordon staring at Benry.

Eventually, Gordon breaks the silence again. “You don’t have to leave.”

“whuh?” Benry says, looking back to Gordon. “but… but all the stuff that i…“ he starts to say, but trails off when Gordon comes to sit on the edge of the bed, next to him.

“Look,” Gordon starts, “it’s true that you’ve done… some really awful things. And it’s also true that it’s gonna be a while before I can heal from all that, if I ever do- that’s just how trauma is.” He pauses, and Benry frowns, until Gordon then places a hand on Benry’s arm. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean that I still hate you. And… I don’t.”

Benry just blinks in continued confusion, causing lingering tears to run down his borrowed cheeks. “but, that… doesn’t make any sense.”

Gordon briefly looks away, humming in thought for a moment. “Well, do you still hate me for all the things I did to you in Black Mesa?” he then asks.

“no, no, of course not,” Benry quickly answers. And it’s true, he doesn’t hate Gordon. Never did, really. Benry may have been really mad at him at times, but he never could say he straight-up hated him.

Gordon gives a satisfied nod at Benry’s answer. “Well there you go.”

Benry gets the point Gordon is trying to make, but… “…but, that’s different. i deserved all that.”

And now Gordon’s frowning, and giving Benry’s arm a gentle squeeze. “Dude, no, you didn’t. Like, okay, maybe in Xen, when you were acting like you legitimately wanted to kill me and the guys, but all through Black Mesa? I never should’ve hit you and shot you like that. Especially not when the only thing you were doing was just saying stupid shit.”

“but i got your hand cut off.”

“Yeah, and so did Bubby, but I never shot him in the face or anything.”

“bubby didn’t keep making shitty ‘jokes’ and getting you in worse danger by never helping…”

Gordon doesn’t seem to have an immediate response to that, shutting up and looking away. A moment of uncomfortable silence passes before Gordon speaks up again.

“Why didn’t you help? Why did you do any of the things you did in Black Mesa? I mean, you clearly regret it all, so, why…?” Gordon asks, looking back at Benry again.

Benry’s admittedly caught a little off-guard by that. He... never did really explain himself to Gordon, did he? It never really came up before. Gordon never asked. Benry never bothered trying to explain unprompted. Never wanted to try and explain. Trying to explain things is hard enough, even more when you’re scared about how the other person will react.

No more putting it off now, though, looks like.

Benry tries to quell his anxiety by just thinking about the ‘I don’t hate you’ orange and blue Gordon sang at him just a bit ago. He doesn’t look at Gordon as he begins to speak.

“i... i didn’t know how. serious it all was. didn’t know how dangerous it all was. didn’t know how fragile you are. didn’t know... how scared you were. i thought you were just being mad, didn’t get you were lashing out ‘cause you were scared. tried making jokes n’ stuff to lighten the mood, and you laughed sometimes, but then other times you’d just get mad and yell at me. i didn’t understand why, so i just got mad right back at you. especially there at the end, when i was all big and ‘evil boss’-y. but i never- never really wanted to hurt you. definitely never wanted to kill you. it was just...” a brief pause, Benry grimacing at himself, “...a prank.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then Gordon asks, “Was the betrayal because of you being mad at me, too?”

Benry shakes his head. “no. well, kinda. i mean, i was a lil’ mad then- that's why i was all ‘ohhhh you fucked up haa haaaa’ when you were first gettin’ jumped. but that’s not why- i didn’t help them catch you ‘cause i wanted them to hurt you bad. i thought they were gonna, like, just rough you up a little bit and then take you away for interrogation. get you outta black mesa faster. then the rest of us could get out faster, too, with no boot boys to deal with, and then we’d all go on a big ‘free freeman’ rescue mission to get you. they never said anything about chopping your hand off… that was fucked up.

“…but, i didn’t realize how fucked up it was until tommy told me later. i thought humans could regrow body parts. thought uh, thought i saw a guard grow his fingers back once, but it was just a different guy who looked the same. felt… really bad when i realized i helped you get perma-fucked up. i was gonna apologize, for that and for all the dumb shitty jokes i made about your arm, but then you got the gun hand…”

 “...And me using the gun hand to take out my stress on you so much just made you angry with me,” Gordon correctly guesses. Benry nods, still not looking at Gordon as he fidgets with his borrowed hands. Like back in town, he’s afraid to see whatever look Gordon is giving him. Tears start to well up in his borrowed eyes again as his thoughts start spiraling down into negative territory, the phrase ‘oh you fucked up! oh you fucked up!’ chanting in his head.

But then Gordon says his name, so softly, and when Benry looks at him again, the look on his face… there’s no kind of anger or hate in it.

“…Do you want a hug?” Gordon then asks, tentatively.

A pitiful sound escapes Benry as he nods, and he practically dives into Gordon’s arms as soon as the other man opens them for the hug. He buries his borrowed face in Gordon’s shoulder, sobbing again, while Gordon says nothing and just holds him tight all through it. Eventually, Benry’s crying settles down into just soft whimpers, and he feels like he can make himself say words again without choking on them. “’m sorry,” he quietly utters.

“I’m sorry, too,” Gordon responds, which gets a confused sound from Benry. “For how shitty I treated you, in Black Mesa,” he clarifies.

Benry still doesn’t get why Gordon’s apologizing. “you were all scared and freaked out, though. weren’t thinking right.”

“Still no excuse for taking out all my stress on you,” Gordon says, “And it also doesn’t mean that I still don’t have to apologize for hurting you. So, I’m sorry.”

Not really knowing what to say to that, Benry just gives a small hum in acknowledgement.

And then Gordon adds on, “…I’m sorry for completely forgetting about you, too.”

“huh?” Benry says, confused. what does he mean by...?

“Last night, my Ma- she sent me a photo of a drawing I did as a kid. It was of me, standing by a mud puddle, and… a black-haired monster kid surrounded by colourful floating balls. Which is very clearly… you,” Gordon explains. He pauses a moment before continuing. “I’m sorry I forgot all about you, and accused you of making shit up when you tried to tell me we were friends. And I’m also sorry for… being such a dick to you when you finally got to see me again. Even if I didn’t recognize you, and was running late for work, I really shouldn’t have acted like that.”

Another pause, and then, “I’d really like to be closer friends again. I don’t want you to leave.”

Benry feels like he’s gonna start sobbing again, which he doesn’t want to, so he buries his face back in Gordon’s shoulder again, in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. It doesn’t really work.

But at least they’re not ‘regret’ and ‘self-loathing’ tears this time.

[drrutherford]

giordirossi​:

“Didn’t know it was you until now.” It’s a quiet threat that still lingers, despite the way her blade clatters against the ground somewhere nearby. Ironically, Giordana finds herself more annoyed by the loss and sudden emptiness in her palm than his profanity laden admonishment. Perhaps with enough goading and irritation, she could scare him off and finally reach the nearby Sovrani sympathetic restaurant… They have a landline, she’d be able to call Frankie…

The sudden contact against her wound elicits a low curse in Italian, one he hadn’t been privy to since winter. Luckily for him, the only further barbs come in the form of a heated glare before dark hair rests against the brick expanse of the wall. A nonverbal acquiesce; the only one Gideon Rutherford would ever receive from her again.

We gotta get you out of here.

With a fraction more energy, she’d fight against the notion of going anywhere with him while in such a vulnerable state, but time is of the essence and there’s a doctoral oath to fulfill. Through a passive glance, Giordana takes note of his phone and wonders if he’ll let her borrow it at some point–– now that hers is shattered in the park grass. “No hospitals.” Despite being in zero shape to make demands, this one slips out. Quieter than preferred and revealing just enough compliance to establish that she’ll go without a struggle, but this is her solemn boundary.

No publicity, nobody else.

.

‘Didn’t know it was you until now.’ — He wonders if that’s true.

He wonders why he cares. He wonders why he wonders, either way.

Forcing his attention back to the call, the Rutherford strips out of his jacket with his free hand, switching the cell over from his right to his left as he gets the other arm out in turn. The call connects and starts to ring as the man crouches next to the Italian, tucks the phone between his cheek and his shoulder, and begins tying the sleeves of his jacket tightly around her bleeding wound. Tighter, and tighter still.

An answer on the second ring. “Vernon, it’s Gid... Can’t talk right now, emergency — Where are you?... Good. Need ya at Florence & Hawes intersection in Islington asap. Can you do that for me?... Yeah, I’ll talk to Damon. See ya soon.” @damon-rutherford​

Thankfully, Damon’s trusty chauffeur doesn’t question the order or its urgency.

Already, he can hear his brother’s old admonishment: ‘You really need to get yourself some hired help... You never know when you might need it. Consider it for your own protection, Gid.’ He’s sure this will rehash that debate later tonight, once Vernon gets back to Damon. But at the minute, it isn’t his own safety he’s concerned about, but that of the woman beginning to fade on the pavement beside him. 

“Hey! Wake up,” He demands, giving her a hard shake. “I’m sure you’d love nothing more than to frame me for your murder— ” Gideon looks at her leg, reaching over to tighten the tourniquet around it. “ —But when I go to prison for that particular crime I’ll insist on the pleasure of having committed it first.” Her only response is a meagre request for no hospitals, and the surgeon’s eyes snap up to meet her bleary gaze.

“You’re in no position to make demands.” He rebukes her irritably, because of course someone who’d gotten injured while up to no good would have every cause to avoid a public hospital. And yet, he thinks, she also happens to be with the one whelp in all of London stupid enough to lend an ear to her wants, however disapproving. "My place, then,” The Rutherford acquiesces gruffly. “But if you deteriorate, all bets are off.”

[davnittbraes]

The Second Step - Chapter Nine

Part of The World Is Light, Embodied.

Pairing: Din Djarin x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3100

Warnings etc: PLEASE READ. I AM ALL CAPSING FOR A REASON. THERE ARE GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE, MURDER AND BLOOD IN THIS CHAPTER.

For those of you who want to skip it, I have indicated the beginning and end of the extremely graphic section with this: ----------

Other warnings: emotional trauma, anxiety, mention of past depression, panic attacks, implied sexual abuse

Notes: This is a ROUGH chapter, but these things need to happen in order for Reader and Mando to truly move forward. Somebody please send me cute fluffy things I need a hug after editing this.

Please check out the Series Masterlist page for more info.

It’s strange how the passage of time can change depending on the situation. 

Suns rise and set. Planets spin at the exact same pace as they have for eons. Even the universe expands with a growth that is measurable down to the tiniest increment.

Yet time seems to speed up during periods of happiness and joy - days, months and even years passing within what feels like the briefest of moments.

And it can also slow to a pace that rivals nothing else in existence, the steady beats that indicate its movement seeming to pause under the weight of emotions like fear and dread.

If someone were to find a way to reverse that effect, they’d be kriffing rolling in credits.

The last two hours have been the longest of your life, and time doesn’t seem to be moving any faster even though the ship is now parked on a landing pad in Junkfort Station’s industrial sector.

You’ve been working up the nerve to tell Mando. You had said you would, after Takodana - promised you’d tell him if you were ever in a situation where your past might cause trouble. But you’ve spent literal years blocking out anything and everything to do with Junkfort Station, fighting to suppress the memories that threaten to pull you back into that dark place once again. Any acknowledgement of your connection to it feels like letting those memories win, somehow.

So you’ve been avoiding Mando. Like a coward.

The kid coos, drawing your attention. He’s looking up at you from the nest of blankets you’ve yet again made into your bunk in the far corner of the hold. That same place you’d set up when you first joined them, then packed up before you’d left him on Tatooine and re-established when you’d finally stopped pretending you didn’t want to be here.

A little corner of the world you’d started to feel comfortable in, despite the cold durasteel floor and the storage crates and gear and supplies all around. Even though the blankets were borrowed, it was a place of your own, in a way. Maybe because out of all the options in the galaxy, you had chosen to come back to it.

You haven’t always had a choice in where you rest your head.

Shaking away memories that boil just beneath the surface, you squat down to stroke the edge of a pointed ear. “It’s gonna be ok, kiddo.”

Those big, amber eyes blink at you with an eerie comprehension. You’ve seen that look before, a wisdom behind his gaze that doesn’t make sense in one so small. Sighing, you let your hand fall. “Yeah, I know. I’m saying that more for myself than for you.”

The kid chirps, raising his arms, and you scoop him up smoothly just as the sound of boots on the ladder echoes through the hold.

Mando’s voice floats over your shoulder. “I’m going to go see what our options are.”

You turn toward him just enough to avoid seeming rude but not enough for him to see your face, occupying yourself with adjusting the kid’s robe. “Sounds good. It’s uh, it’s probably best if I stay out of sight while we’re here. I can look after the kid while you get the repairs done.”

There’s a pause, and again time slows to a crawl, dragged down by the heavy pounding of your heart and the cold ball in the pit of your stomach. It takes effort, but you force yourself to look at him - the black visor is an anchor in the shimmer of silver armour, the gaze behind it open without being seen.

He knows, of course he kriffing knows, I can’t hide from him I can’t I can’t go out there -

Suddenly a warm leather-clad palm is cupping your jaw, thumb brushing over your cheekbone. The weight of it shifts your focus and time ramps up to a normal speed.

His modulated voice is a cool balm on your nerves. “Lock the door. Stay in my bunk with the kid. I won’t let anyone else onboard.”

Relief temporarily calms your anxiety, enough to let you smile, even if it’s just a weak curve of your lips.

He shifts, slowly stepping into your space, his hand steady on your cheek, and your heartbeat flutters for a different reason. With precise, predictable movements, he leans in and rests his forehead against yours.

The chill of his helmet on your skin, the warmth of his hand on your cheek, the scent and the feel and the nearness of him dissipate the tight grip on your lungs and you can breathe again, take in the life-giving air and his presence, and your eyelids slide shut as you fall into the moment.

All too quickly he’s stepping away, cloak swirling with his departure. But that brief moment was enough to give you focus.

You make your way toward his bunk, kid tucked snugly in the crook of your arm, silently repeating those words that have guided you through so many moments like the ones ahead.

I am alive.

I am safe.

I am going to survive.

*****

The kid finally passed out after who-knows-how-many hours, curled up against your chest, head tucked into your shoulder. He’d been restless, but apparently there were only so many times the little guy can lap around the bunk, peek into corners already explored, crawl all over you and the shelf and his hammock before boredom dragged him down into a fitful doze.

To be fair, your own feet are twitching with the urge to move, fingers tapping against the slats of Mando’s miserable excuse for a bed - says the girl sleeping on blankets over durasteel.

Snorting softly at your silent self-deprecation, you shift again, trying to ease the cramp in your lower back that’s been building since you crawled into the tight space. Not that you were complaining, the concept of being in the same place that Mando slept was exhilarating at first. Your treacherous mind supplied all kinds of images of muscled limbs and naked skin that you shoved away - Mando’s commitment to his creed along with the kid’s presence in his bunk probably prevented anything your imagination could come up with from happening in here.

The kid sighs heavily in his sleep, one ear drooping over your arm. You pat his back, the fabric of his robe rough beneath your palm, warm from his little body.

There have been sounds of people working all day, bangs and clanks and thunks and raised voices, sometimes just outside the hull. Not loud enough for you to recognize anyone, but you assume Mando is out there, too.

Which is… uncomfortably reassuring.

What does it mean that you feel safer with him around? You’ve survived on your own for so long, why should having Mando nearby make a difference?

You frown at the wall. It shouldn’t. It shouldn’t make a difference if he’s in your life or not.

A trickle of unease worms its way into your stomach.

Dependence will get you killed as quickly as complacency.

The sound of the crew door sliding open startles you out of your musings, gaze flying to the bunk door. One hand slips down to the grip of your blaster, strapped to your thigh, while the other gently eases the kid out of your arms and onto the bed.

Mando said he wouldn’t let anyone in. 

But you’re not taking any risks. Not while you’re here.

Bootsteps muffled by the durasteel approach the bunk and you move into as much of a standing position as you can, drawing your blaster.

A beep and the whir of the door mechanism and then he’s there, silver and black and brown and safety.

Mando.

Letting out the breath you didn’t know you were holding, shoulders slumping with the sudden release of tension. The visor takes it all in, helmet tilting in concern, and you wave it off with a flick of your fingers, holstering your blaster. “All done?”

It’s his turn to sigh, leaning against the doorframe. “For now. Could only afford to patch it - the mechanics around here aren’t fond of bounty hunters and their prices show it.”

“Makes sense. You probably scare away their best clientele.”

He hums noncommittally. “Used the last of my credits. I’ve got contacts on Nevarro, for both work and repairs. It’s about half a cycle away.”

“Works for me. I’ll be up in a sec - let me just tuck the kid in, he fell asleep in my arms a while ago.”

A slight nod of the helmet and then he’s gone, heading toward the cockpit. You turn to find the kid curled up in a little ball on the bed, one ear flopped over his eyes, snoring softly. Pulling a blanket from his hammock to drape it over his little form, you quietly step out of the bunk, keying the door shut. The engines whine as the start-up sequence begins, and you start toward the ladder. 

Nevarro. You’ve never been, once you learned it was the home of the Bounty Hunters Guild you’d avoided it just as much as you’d avoided Junkfort Station. But something had happened a while ago, rumours said the Guild had been attacked and no longer operated there, so what did that mean for -

The crew door suddenly flies open and people pour into the hold.

Everything is moving too fast. 

You can’t track it - them - whoever they are, they’re everywhere all at once.

Instincts kick in just as a blaster bolt zings past your head.

You make a break for the cockpit but a human male appears out of nowhere and catches you by the shoulders. The abrupt stop throws off your balance and he uses that, yanking you backward then shoving you to your knees.

Pain flashes up your thighs and back. You cry out despite your clenched teeth - every muscle in your body is tensed.

Too many can’t fight them all -

Blaster fire, movement by the ladder, screams of pain -

Mando -

Quick, your hand flies to your thigh holster.

Just as the ice-cold barrel of a blaster presses hard against your forehead.

You freeze.

The man holding the blaster stands at your shoulder. His teeth glint in the light of the hold. “Smart girl. Be good and this whole thing will be easier for you.”

The slimy condescension in his voice makes you want to vomit.

The man keeps his eyes on you as he calls out. “Back off, Mandalorian. We’ve got your pretty little plaything. Give us the bounty or I’ll give her a bolt to the brain.”

Bounty? Mando hasn’t hunted since he found -

The kid.

It takes effort to keep your gaze on the man holding the blaster to your head. Don’t look at the bunk. Don’t let him even think about looking there.

You have no idea who these people are but they’re obviously not here to make friends.

Protect the kid. They can’t find him.

A quiet falls over the hold. The others shift, obviously reacting to some movement you can’t see. There are eight of them in your line of vision, sounds like three or four more behind you, back by the ladder.

Too many.

“Let her go.” Mando’s modulated voice is cold, words clipped.

The man scoffs. “And lose my leverage? I’m not an idiot.” His gaze drifts down your face, lands on your mouth. “Besides, I quite like how she looks on her knees for me.”

A feeling floods your body, hot and sharp and almost painful in its intensity. A feeling you haven’t felt in a long time.

Hate.

You hate this man.

He chuckles, eyebrows lifting in amusement as he meets your gaze again. “A little fire in you, eh? Well, we’ll have to find a way to put that out, get you ready for the slave market.”

Time slows, stretches.

Stops.

You understand several things all at once.

First, these men won’t leave until they get what they’re looking for, which will eventually lead them to finding the kid.

Second, Mando won’t risk opening fire with you like this - you’re too exposed, no cover close by to shield you, and you probably won’t be able to move fast enough to unholster your blaster and turn off the safety before the man squeezes the trigger.

Third, there’s a small knife stuck in the top of the man’s boot, not good for much except trimming or shaving, but good enough for what you need right now.

----------

Because you’re going to kill this man.

You’ve done it before. You don’t like it.

Those faces still appear your dreams, flicker across your vision when you see someone with similar features.

But you’ve done what you had to do, to stay alive.

And if this man takes you, you will die, if not by someone else’s hand then by your own.

I am going to survive.

All it takes is a flick of your wrist and the hilt of the knife is in your hand.

The blade flashes as it turns up, in, moves toward the man’s thigh.

Sharp point aimed at his femoral artery.

Pressure, resistance, then release.

The man’s scream burns through your body, boiling hot like the blood pouring over your hand.

The knife twists, deeper, heat raging over and under your skin and you’re burning alive.

Time snaps into motion again.

You reel, falling onto your back at the same time the man crumples to the floor, his free hand grasping at the wound in his leg, blaster rising to point at you once more.

His shot goes wide as one of his crew stumbles over him, running, frantically trying to escape -

Escape what -

A flurry of bolts whips through the air, each one landing its target.

Several bodies drop almost simultaneously, the dull thumps vibrating through the floor.

They barely register to you, a quiet background noise, just like the gentle thrum of the engines when the ship is in hyperspace.

Your focus is on the man bleeding out in front of you.

He lifts his blaster again. It shakes, but it’s steady enough to aim.

You’re surging forward before you realize it, twisting his wrist until the blaster drops. He cries out in pain, says something, lips forming words but they don’t make sense, they’re gibberish to you.

The knife flashes again and then silence.

Silence all around you.

Bodies are scattered throughout the hold. Nothing stirs.

A contrast to the fire still roaring in your ears.

You stand smoothly, stride toward the crew door and slam the lock with the side of your fist.

The fist still holding the knife.

You wait until the door shuts and the electronic tones confirm it’s locked before you turn around. The whir of the engines pulsing to life tells you Mando is pushing them through the take-off sequence.

Grabbing a strap that’s hanging from the ceiling, you brace yourself as the ship shudders, creaks as it lifts into the air.

Time passes.

You don’t notice.

The sound of the engines keening bleeds through a crack in your awareness. There’s a click and a shove and then a gliding smoothness, and the air temperature drops a couple degrees as the ship moves into hyperspace.

You’re still holding the strap. It takes some effort to uncurl your fingers and let go of it.

Taking one step, then another, you walk to the body of the man whose blood is caked on your hand.

The knife bounces once as it drops to his chest.

----------

Boots on the ladder.

Your gaze automatically lifts to meet the black visor’s gaze.

Mando stands there, a few paces away. Silent, still.

Watching you.

You wait, poised. Ready.

The fire rages.

“Are you hurt?”

His concern falls over the fire like gentle rain. Spitting and sputtering, dimming it’s heat ever-so-slightly.

“No.”

Did you say that? Maybe. Your own voice sounds foreign to your ears.

He starts toward you but some instinct, some part of the fire, doesn’t want closeness, pulls you back a step.

He stops abruptly, hesitant. “I’m sorry.”

The fire sputters again under your confusion. “What are you sorry for?”

“I failed to protect you.”

White-hot flame erupts.

“I don’t need you to protect me.”

Your words land like a whip crack and you know it probably hurts but the fire now flares out of control and you can’t stop.

“I don’t need anyone to protect me. I can protect myself.” Hot fire rage - “No, apparently I can’t. All this time. All these years. I have been smart. I have survived.”

You look down at the body, seeing but not seeing, because it’s not a body, it’s proof of your failure. “Everything I’ve been through. Could have been for nothing.”

Your hand, the one sticky with blood, flies out, gestures behind you vaguely. “I was there. The last place in the galaxy I should have been. And I was there because I followed you. I followed you when I should have done what I needed to, should have walked away from you before now and I didn’t and if he had taken me I -”

The fire burns up your words and you can’t speak anymore, can’t see, vision filled with red and black and -

Silver.

Cool and smooth, unlike the jagged heat that threatens to consume all.

It surrounds you, shoves its way between you and the flame.

Your hands grasp at it, clutching, desperate.

The fire smolders, smokes and fades away until it’s nothing but coals.

There’s wetness on your cheeks.

Something is brushing it away, gentle.

Long fingers.

Smooth callouses.

Hands that are often at work but always protected by leather.

Mando’s hands.

Mando’s bare hands.

Warm and golden and alive.

You turn into the caress, lips pressing against the wide palm. Your lungs fill with the scent of worn leather and blaster fire.

He’s speaking. Has been for some time.

Your thoughts churn to focus on his words and they slowly sink in.

“You’re safe. You’re alive. Listen to me, tionas. Hear my voice.”

As your awareness shifts back into your body, so does exhaustion. Your muscles tremble with strain, you stumble with the effort of holding yourself upright.

But it’s ok, his arms are around you before you can fall, and he’s solid and strong and alive.

Like you.

You want to speak, to say something, anything, but your voice is stuck, bound in your throat by a mass of unshed tears.

His hands smooth them away, gliding over your skin, your face, in time with the words circling in a steady rhythm through your mind.

I am alive.

I am safe.

I am going to survive.

And you believe them.

*****

Previous Chapter     Next Chapter

[dreamcatcherrs]

Hey! I just had a random idea I think would work good; a first date preference seems really cool :) (I hope you haven't done this already and I've just missed it) I love your writing <3

+ it seems very very cool indeed :)) hope you like it! <3

++ if you squint, a couple of nsfw references

first dates; mcyt x reader

dream:

restaurant

when it’s your first date, he won't go all out with a very fancy place

but generally likes spoiling you

a lot

but he’ll save that for later

as long as you feel comfortable, he’s happy

maybe you’d go to his place afterwards👀

to play video games of course🙄

he’s not shy at all on your frst date

and is pretty confident in himself that the date’s gonna go great

smooth pick-up lines

maybe a couple of touches here and there

compliments you the whole night

and really just wants a laugh with you

overall, he’s great at first dates

georgenotfound:

ice skating, his place

he likes for a first date to be pretty simple

just chilling

enjoying each other’s company like you usually would

but with some romantic undertones of course ;)

so going to an ice rink or hanging out at his place;

it would be perfect

I feel like george is definitely more nervous on a first date

just because the whole “first date” concept is very intimidating in his head

even though it isn't a lot different from when you hang out usually

… it’s just with a bit more feelings involved

he’d probably ask dream for advice before going on the date with you

he eases up once he gets comfortable with your presence

realising that it’s just you and he can always be comfortable with you :)

cute first date

sapnap:

concert

nick would definitely want to go to a concert with you

I’m sure anyone can vibe with his music taste

and even then, I don't think he cares which concert you go to

the experience is what matters to him

he’d slip in some pickup-lines every now and then

but his cheeks would be so red after every line he spoke

the whole night he just wants to kiss you

but resists, just because he is a little scared of rejection

puts his jacket around your shoulders when it gets colder

and maybe wraps an arm around your waist

as you just vibe to the songs

would kiss you when he walked you home if the date was good

and then text you the second he left

very nice first date

badboyhalo:

park

would bring rat along :D

you’d find a bench or similar to rest by after walking around for a while

and just sit there together

and eat some fresh foods you’d made before going there

and just chat for hours on end

playing around with rat every now and then

and also trying out the swing set nearby

where you’d push each other

you wouldn't have noticed how much time had passed before you both realised it was super dark

it’s a really comfortable and fun date

cause he’s just so easy to talk to

he’d definitely go for some hand-holding

and aim for a little peck on the cheek

technoblade:

escape room

this would literally be the perfect opportunity to get to know each other

and to see if you were worthy of the blood god

you’d help each other find the clues

he’d definitely tease you if he managed to find the key before you did

but then would gently pat your head

cause he couldn’t deny how cute you looked when you were all pouty

a great date

with lots and lots of fun

he’s very nervous to start off with

but manages to hide it behind his monotone voice

though he likes teasing you, he’s also very sweet

sometimes let’s you find the clues “first” even though he’d already spotted them

just to see the smile on your face

wilbur soot:

museum, café

of course wilbur would take you to one of these places

or even both

the museum first, then the café

why not get a learning experience out of the date?

and then get to know each other afterwards

on a more romantic level than usual

he would be really smooth with his movements

even if he was nervous

sneakily puts a hand on your waist

or goes to grab your hand

with no hesitation or shakiness

he’d sooo be the type to say “you’ve got something right here” pointing to your lip

and when you’d searched for the whipped cream on your lip to no avail, he’d lean over and wipe the non-existing cream away

very slowly

and then have a smirk on his face when he pulled away again

honestly, a big tease even for a first date

corpse husband:

dinner and movie

pretty classy, but very nice

he’d want a first date to not be too much

but still be enough to impress

he’d be pretty anxious of what you thought of him tbh

but those were mostly just the nerves talking

would spend a long time putting effort into making the dinner

after asking you what your favourite dish was

you’d eat it together, a candle lit in the middle of the table with some wine (all on my white tee)

and you’d just start up a conversation very naturally

getting to know each other on another level

and when you’d get to watching the movie, he’d definitely attempt to get closer to you

like by throwing an arm around your shoulders

pulling you closer to him

maybe a hand on your thigh

and a small make-out session

a very successful date to say the least

skeppy:

theme park

would want to do something really fun for a first date

so I feel like a theme park would be perfect for that

like, you’d just spend the whole say together

having the time of your life in the craziest rides

or the more chill ones

whatever you like

and in between you’d just take a break

and buy some waffles or churros to eat together

zak is veeery talkative

like, there would not be any worry about awkward silences

cause he would always have something to talk about with you

as for affection

he would probably go for holding your hand

and that’s probably his farthest goal for the day

he likes taking things slow

and just having a fun time with you

karl jacobs:

arcade

like skeppy, he would also wanna go someplace fun

yet not as crazy you know?

like, just hanging out and playing a range of different games with you

you bet he’d just be like “oh, I just wanna get this one prize.”

and when he finally won it, he’d hand it over to you

because he’d planned to give it to you from the start :]

he’s mostly just himself on your first date

giggly, cute, funny

he’s a little more nervous around you than ususal

but that's only natural

would leave a lot of affection on you

like, a supporting hand on your back when you're trying to win at a game

or hugging you tightly whenever either of you won

really just finds any excuse to give you affection

maybe you’ll end off the day with a little smooch😙

or spending the rest of the night playing video games at his or your place

fundy:

sight-seeing

he’d take you to so many buildings, statues, viewpoints etc.

he wants to explore the city with you

even if you both know it very well already

he’d want the memories of the sights to be with you

you’d take cute pre-couple photos by the sights

and grab some delicious lunch while sat right by one of the nicest sights

he’d be subtle with showing affection

like grabbing your hand when you’re about to go the wrong way

and then not let go of it for a while

or he’d let you borrow his sunglasses

to block out the sun in your face

he wouldn't lay heavy on showing affection on the first date

he’ll leave that for the second one ;)

quackity:

cooking together

chaotic but cute combo

I feel like he would really want to impress you

yet still be able to make you laugh

and this is just the perfect way to do just that

he’s surprisingly good at cooking when he tries

and remains his usual quackity alex funny self

he’d show you how to do different stuff

especially if you didn't know how to already

and would overall be very playful with you

throwing flour at you, splashing with water etc.

and then afterwards you would just chill on the couch and eat the dinner you’d just made

talking about the most random shit

and without realising it, the two of you would be cuddling

and you’d wake up in the morning to find you’d fallen asleep on each other🥺

punz:

laser tag

mans loves competition

and would definitely want to be a show-off to you

you'd have an room just for yourself

hiding behind walls and obstacles until you stumbled into each other

and he wouldn't hesitate to raise his laser gun at you

and shoot you right in the chest with a menacing laugh

after a while it’d just be a battle between two

tackling each other all the time

and at some point he’d have you up against the wall

and as you were about to kiss

you’d lift you gun at him and shoot him right in the chest

which won you the game

afterwards, he’d follow you home

and maybe give you that kiss he tried to give you before

he’d be very down to stay with you for the night if you wanted him to

awesamdude:

the beach

you’d bring a bunch of fun activities with you

like card games, a beach volley game, etc.

and maybe even join in on a game of mini golf near you

you could also just be chilling on your towels

under the sun or under the shade

whatever your preference is

and then go into the water eventually

playing around together and just having fun

splashing water at each other

he’d sneak his way over to you

and just lift you up from under the water and onto his shoudlers

just laughing at the way you were screaming for him to let you down

when you got on the shore again, it felt easier to be affectionate with each other

you’d definitely go for ice cream on the way home

holding hands👉👈

eret:

karaoke bar

it would literally be the funniest time with him

you’d gotten one of those private rooms

so it would just be the two of you in the room

and you’d have so much fun choosing your favourite songs

and sometimes you'd just sit there and chat

while karaoke music played in the background with none of you singing

he’d want to duet with you at some point

bringing you close to him just to see you get all flustered

I could definitely imagine a first kiss right then

if it had all gone right throughout the night

when you were on your way back home

he’d lend you his jacket

and just tell you to keep it

“I’ll just pick it up tomorrow.”

tommy:

the zoo

tommy would be walking around commenting on literally every animal

“y/n look. hey, y/n. look at this ones’ face.”

takes a lot of pictures of the animals

and of you with the animals

and when you suspiciously asked if he was taking pictures of you after you’d spotted him

he’d just brush it off, immediately hiding his phone away

“of you? obviously, it was of the giraffe behind you.”

“tommy, there is no giraffe behind me.”

doesn't show any affection

he’s super nervous about the whole “touch” thing

so he just stays away from it

but if you were to grab his hand

he wouldn't pull away

he’d just stand there with red ass fucking cheeks

and would be praying for the animals to save him from any awkward situations

tubbo:

picnic

you’d be picking flowers together

flowers for the flower boy :)

and even make flower crowns if you felt really creative

enjoying the delicious foods you'd brought with you

he’d also be quite intimidated by affection, like tommy

but would very very subtly show it

only a little bit though

like, it would be pretty obvious whenever he got caught up staring at you

just looking at you as you picked at the grass outside of the blanket you were sat on

and sometimes he’d place a hand on you without really realising that that was something more unusual than you were used to

you’d bring a bracelet kit

and make cute little matching bracelets for each other

a really enjoyable date overall

with lots of laughter and chatter

ranboo:

an aquarium

even though c!ranboo is clearly not the biggest fan of water

this ranboo finds it quite fascinating

a pretty chill and easy-going first date

exactly what he wants

you’d walk around the whole aquarium

and make fun of the fishes with funny-looking faces

and then proceed to take pictures of each other by the fishes with the funny-looking faces

he would find it so adorable whenever you would point at one of the sea-creatures

and just look so amazed by it

he would literally almost melt right beside you

the closest thing to affection he would do, is putting a hand on your waist

it doesn't really progress further than that unless you initiate it

a proud moment of his was when he almost fell into the penguin inclosure

and you couldn’t stop laughing at it

a successful date to his eyes

___________________________________

tag list✰

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[legendaryoikawa]

haikyuu boys in your typical romance cliche 

warnings: mention of alcohol and language

note: female reader insert

oikawa tooru — as the typical popular frat boy that you happen to stumble into because you were so damn wasted of alcohol or vodka. you happen to be invited in the biggest frat party ever and you didn’t know whether you should be thankful or ashamed that you gained freedom and liveliness for a short period of time or squashing your face on the chest of the gorgeous oikawa tooru? perhaps the latter. oikawa know you because you were one of those university girl that never gave a damn about him and in instant he grew fond and interested with you. he actually finds it cute to see you all puffy and red because of alcohol but other than that he isn’t gonna let you go this time, never, especially in this state of yours. he’s that typical cliche where he’ll pull your hair up while you throw out in the bathroom while caressing your back gently and wiping off your temples with his handkerchief. 

akaashi keiji — is the classmate that is really intimidating yet hot at the same time? you think you were quite lucky that you were assigned to seat beside him but the moment you gathered your things to move beside him, you can almost feel the weight of the piercing gaze of your classmates. anyways, you got assigned in a school project with him and he offers you his place since the school is bound to close at six and your place is not that appealing much either. so you both walked to his house and you can see the little things he does for you like pressing his body closer to your side when a creepy guy walks across or the ghost of his touch from your back when you both crossed the pedestrian or the way his hands slightly raises your bag cause he knows it’s heavy judging by your slouching. and when the young night passes away, he starts talking about his life and you too, until one moment he confesses that he really admires you, so much.

yamaguchi tadashi — you know yamaguchi and you’re good friends with him since you both live in the quiet neighborhood of sendai. you really love his freckles and usually compare them to constellations that makes him go flustered with his flyaway hair sticking up. he likes you but he’s just so meek and decides to never voice out his feelings. so yamaguchi is part of the photography club and is assigned to take a picture of a subject that is dear to them. and when he walked in the corridors all he could think off was just you. and so he did. you asked him while laughing, as to why he keeps on taking your pictures when you’re not a celebrity yourself, jokingly. but his answer left you off guard especially when he said, “my adviser told me to capture something so beautiful and i think it’s you.”

kageyama tobio  — he’s that boy that no matter how much he wanted to go home and rest, he’ll always wait for you patiently at your lockers despite you asking him to head first because you still have committee work after school. then one moment after the adviser has finished the meeting, you’re shocked to see him leaning against your locker while drinking in from his milk. the moonlight is already shining through the window panels; making his skin glimmer marvelously. you’ll just stare at him dubiously; not knowing what to say. and you feel yourself falling down crazily for him; heart’s erratic. because he waited for two hours at the lockers just to walk you home, even though you told him not to. and you know he’s impatient as fuck but there he is, waiting and snatching you bag away from you. he’ll give you a stare and flickers your forehead while saying, ‘idiot, you think I’ll let you walk home, alone?’ and you’ll just pull his blazer down to capture his lips and he’ll blush so hard lmaoo

kuroo tetsurou  — that transferee student everyone is talking about. with his dark hair, tall frame, and noted muscles— every girl is crazy about him. he is assigned to seat behind you; at the back by the window. and everything just spiralled down to complete euphoria, even you didn’t see it coming. he doesn’t talk much to your classmates. often dismissing a budding interaction from some girls. and it took you by surprise when he asked you for a pen because he left his pencil case in his friend (you heard him tell you his friend’s name, kenma it is?) and it just happen so quickly. everyday he’ll leave you sticky notes in your table with his messy handwriting saying how beautiful you are than the sun, or go out with me? with a little smile on the side. sometimes, you can feel him playing with your hair or reaching out to hold your hand underneath the table while the teacher is writing on the blackboard. 

hinata shoyo  — hinata will be that cliche where he will buy a cupcake because he could remember that it is one of your favorites. often running to your place because he missed the bus and will arrive at your place; his hair all messy and fluffy, panting, with his skin slightly flushed and glimmering with perspiration. or will let you cry on his shirt and won’t mind you soiling it despite the shirt being all new and crispy. he couldn’t bring himself to care to be honest, because his only concern is to make you feel better despite having his shirt all wrinkled and damp from your tears. 

bokuto kotaru  — is that typical boyfriend that would literally walk you down to your room despite his room being two buildings away from yours. he’s that dedicated. that every vacant period, he’ll fetch you off and lead you down to his department’s botanical garden. or will eat lunch with you in your room. or spending together in the library. he’s as fresh as lilies. young as the night. no matter how hard you cajole that you can walk yourself and he shouldn’t bother, he wouldn’t allow you. and will always carry your bag for you even though you can manage to carry it for yourself. he is also that kind of cliche where he’ll ask his professor is he needs something from your building and volunteers to get it for them just to visit you in you room. excusing you from your class and won’t say anything but just steal a peck from you a make a dash towards the faculty room with a proud smirk painting his face cause he rendered you speechless and flustered, again.

tsukishima kei  — is that typical cold guy in campus that everyone is lowkey scared of. you were asked by your biology teacher to borrow the books for the class’s current lesson from the library on the spot you took a beeline for the shelves as fast as you could. but for fuck’s sake all the books were placed at the topmost part of the science shelves. you stood there for a good minute while glaring at the books overhead. you know you were damned for good since there are no chairs nearby that are available and the librarian is nowhere to be seen. you stomped you feet in annoyance until you felt a looming presence behind you. a tall one. and the person smells of fresh vanillas as well. when you turned around, you saw tsukishima grabbing the books at ease and handing it to you and stalked away. you thanked him quietly but it was enough for kei to hear and he wasn’t wrong when he thinks you we’re cute while struggling to get those books on top of you. 

iwaizumi hajime  — that boy you hated to the core. you didn’t know why but he just goes right after your nerve. pressing of your buttons. iwaizumi is the bugbear of your life. yet for him, you’re the fucking cutest person he ever met in his life. and he doesn’t know why you’re so annoyed with his whole existence. but one time, he decided to play it off and decided to push your buttons more. there’s a debate in your class and he stood up to contradict your claims. and basically everyone could feel the sexual tension arising in the air, yet they didn’t utter a word. iwaizumi thinks you’re so hot when your mad and whenever you put an emphasis to him name. or the cliche where he yanked your arm when you’re about to leave the room just to playfully lean in your face, while whispering, ‘you’re so difficult, yet you’re making me want you more’ e2l, pls.

kozume kenma  — kenma is that typical boy that doesn’t allow people to play his console or his psp because it is something dear and precious to him. not even kuroo. no matter how his teammates beg to ask him for just one game, he’ll never allow except for you ;) to the point you don’t have to ask him, sometimes he’ll be the one to offer and let you play the recent game he just purchased lol

— part two will be posted soon! hope you guys like this,, i just started this yesterday with my love, @fratboyjae while we were casually throwing out cute blurbs to each other LOL HAHA. requests are currently open, send them in! love lots!

[kpostedsum]

high | d.m

summary: you find an unhealthy way of coping after draco cheats on you

warnings: drug use (marijuana) angsty¿, cheating, illusions to sex

song: habits - tove lo

a/n: this fic isn’t meant to romanticize drug use in any way. i also know nothing abt weed so LOL and very rushed & not edited

masterlist | taglist

I eat my dinner in my bathtub

Then I go to sexclubs

Watching freaky people gettin' it on

It doesn't make me nervous

If anything I'm restless

Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all

you had a few minutes left of your charms class which was your last class before the weekend. you wanted nothing more than to get out of here and cuddle up with your boyfriend— who was enjoying his free period right now.

draco was one of the best boyfriends you could ask for, the frequent dates, gifts, and attention— it was more than you could wish for.

“you’re excused. you essays are due at the beginning of next week” snapes monotone voice dragged on as you quickly packed up your things and made your way to the slytherin common room.

I get home, I got the munchies

Binge on all my Twinkies

Throw up in the tub

Then I go to sleep

And I drank up all my money

Days get kinda lonely

entering the slytherin common room your eyes immediately searched for a certain blond boy, yet he was nowhere to be found. you made your way to the boys dorms in hopes of finding him there but you’re quickly interrupted by two familiar voices.

“why hello y/n, marvellous weather we’re having today aren’t we?” theo asked looking towards the ceiling and smiling as if he were outside, blaise blocking your path as he did so.

“i’m not sure what weather you’re talking about since we’re inside but i am okay thank you” you responded with a chuckle, trying to make your way past blaise.

“wait y/n” he stopped you. “can i borrow the astronomy notes? i would ask luna but i can’t find her anywhere” blaise continued.

they both seemed awfully on edge and anxious, you figured it was just quidditch nerves getting to them since there was an upcoming game this week.

“i have yet to finish my astronomy notes, but i did see luna in the great hall if you want her notes. now if you’d excuse me i’d like to see draco” you said trying to push past the two boys who still wouldn’t let you through.

“forget malfoy! let’s do something instead, we’re so much more fun than him, right blaise?” theo said giving blaise a pointed look as he threw his arm around your shoulder.

“right you are nott, let’s go!” blaise continued also throwing his arm around your shoulder and leading you away from the boys dorm.

“what? no, i have plans with draco. now excuse me” you said pushing them both off and heading towards dracos door.

as you get closer to his door you can hear heavy breathing, pants and skin slapping on skin. you’re confused, you figured draco would be taking a nap or running over drills for quidditch practice. the closer you get, the louder the noises become.

“pans, you feel so good”

you recognize that voice anywhere.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

quickly you turned your head towards blaise and theo who had their heads lowered in shame, refusing to meet your gaze. “is this some kind of sick joke, are you guys pulling a prank or something because this isn’t funny” you said seriously not wanting to believe what you’re hearing from inside of your boyfriends dorm.

“we’re sorry, we tried to convince him not too but he wouldn’t listen” theo muttered silently.

it felt like your world was breaking apart slowly. just not too long ago you were excited to spend a weekend with your boyfriend who you loved so dearly, the same boyfriend who you’ve been dating for years, the same boyfriend who gets jealous about how much time you spend with his mum rather than him.

with shaky fingers you put your hand on the door knob and quickly pushed the door open, already preparing for the worst.

there he was, wrapped up with parkinson in the same bed you two shared not even twenty-four hours ago. her body straddling his naked, just like yours was doing the night before. you stood there frozen, mouth agape— not even knowing what to do with yourself.

“baby, i can explain, just please— y/n please don’t leave” draco said pushing pansy off of him, shuffling on his pants and reaching out towards you.

“dont touch me, malfoy!” you yelled and everyone froze. “you lost the right to touch me the minute you even thought of touching her” you continued sending both him and pansy a glare with tears threatening to slip from your eyes.

“darling please, i can explain—”

“no draco, we’re done just leave me alone, please” your voice cracking at the end as you pushed past blaise and theo rushing towards the girls dormitory.

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

it’s been days since you last left your room, days since you last saw draco. daphne would come by and check on you but you’d always dismiss her, wanting to be alone. regret is one word to describe how you’ve been feeling— you gave him everything and he threw it away so carelessly for a quick hook up.

you missed waking up against his smooth skin in his embrace, tracing the lines and scars across his porcelain skin as you waited for him to wake up, the way he’d try to kiss you in the morning without brushing his teeth and you wouldn’t let him because of morning breath— but he’d still do it anyways.

you missed him, but he didn’t want you anymore.

maybe it was something you’ve done, you’ve been quite busy with work recently so you haven’t been spending as much time with him as normal. he was probably lonely and trying to seek the attention you lacked to give him.

getting up, you stared at yourself in the mirror picking yourself apart. you were pretty, it was a well known fact around hogwarts, maybe he thought she was prettier. she was the life of the party and always up for some mischief whereas you preferred to do stuff in silence and would rather be with a small group of people. maybe he liked how exciting she was in comparison to you, she probably brought a spark of excitement to his life that you couldn’t.

dreading to feel something you quickly showered and got ready to leave your room hoping to run into a specific set of twins.

Pick up daddies at the playground

How I spend my daytime

Loosen up the frown,

Make them feel alive

I'll make it fast and greasy

I'm on my way to easy

“well what can we do for you today” fred said to you with a cheeky smile plastered across his face.

“do you have any muggle herb left?” you asked in a low voice making sure no one heard you.

“maybe we do, maybe we don’t” george said. “how much are you offering in exchange though” he continued.

“ten galleons for three ounces, is that enough” you said pulling the galleons out of your pockets and placing them in george’s palm.

“it was a pleasure doing business with you” they said in unison as fred placed the tiny baggie in your pocket so no one would see.

once you returned to your dormitory you quickly pulled out the pre-rolled muggle herb, lit it and let yourself forget.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

you started showing up to class late with red tired eyes, not caring about the looks you got. at this point every one knew what had happened but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

the muggle herb brought you a sense of bliss and freedom, a new feeling you haven’t felt before but something that you now craved.

“are you high right now?” draco said as he sat himself in the seat beside you.

“since when do you care about what i’m doing” you said sharply, not wanting to talk with him.

“love, you don’t smoke. who gave that stuff to you, i’ll kill them—”

“no you won’t.” you said turning towards him. “you won’t do any of that because you don’t own me and i’m not your girlfriend anymore. so mind your business malfoy, i’m sure parkinson’s waiting for you”

the rest of the class you both sat in silence working on potions that draco did most of since you weren’t in the correct mind state and he wasn’t willing to let his mark falter over your slip up.

you find it amazing how even when you’re on drugs he still looks amazing. the way his nose curves perfectly with a slight bump, and the way his hands move with caution as he pours the potion into the waste bucket.

“look, i’m sorry for what happened with pansy. it didn’t mean anything i swear, i don’t know why i did it but i regret it with my life” draco said breaking your thoughts, he looked older than normal and had dark circles underneath his under eyes. you wondered why he looked so distraught when he wasn’t the one who got cheated on.

“a sorry isn’t going to fix this draco” you told him. he knew you were right but he didn’t want to admit it. he hadn’t talked to pansy since the day you walked in on them, the guilt has been eating him up inside. he stayed silent and didn’t bother respond to you, he knew anything he said would have made the situation worst than it already is— but how he wished you were still his sweet y/n.

“now if you excuse me, i have some fun to attend too” you said leaving him alone as you made your way back to your dorm.

Staying in my play pretend

Where the fun, it got no end

Can't go home alone again

Need someone to numb the pain

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

over the last few weeks, you couldn’t remember the last time you were sober. you started skipping classes to smoke and avoiding your friends so they’d stop questioning your habits.

you were forgetting and that’s all that mattered, you didn’t care how it was affecting your health— it made you feel better. sometimes you wished there was another way, another way to forget how he held you at night pressing soft kisses to your skin, another way to forget the way he took pansy the same way he took you. you wonder if he feels as sorry as he looks, he’s the one who cheated so he can’t possibly care that much.

you hear two knocks at your door which quickly break you from your state making you more attentive, cleaning yourself up and opening the door. there stood draco— his eyes red as well, like hes been crying.

“y/n listen, i know what i did was wrong and that i tried to pretend it wasn’t me but please. i didn’t mean too, you mean the world to me. i miss you so much love.” he pleaded with you.

“y’know draco, i miss you too” you admitted. “but i’ve found a way to forget about you, maybe you should do the same”.

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

-

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