#and also I don’t want to incur their wrath lol

[why-is-every-other-name-taken]

Being an extreme radfem/terf blog sounds miserable

[loquatenjoyer69]

Matoba and Burden and Desire

I originally watched/read Natsuyuu back in fall of 2022, and then a few months ago, literally out of nowhere, my brain was like “Hey, remember that loquat story Matoba told in that one arc? It felt like there was something there, let’s go reread that,” which I did, and have been in hexorcists hell about ever since.

(pictured: a sane person’s reaction to reading natsuyuu)

And really, that’s it. The loquat story feels like there’s something there, but I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on. But after my close rereading of that arc, I think I’ve at least come to one coherent conclusion about it, even if it’s perhaps the most basic one: I think the loquats are an allegory for the greater themes of burden/desire in this arc. The following is my attempt to lay out my thoughts, but unfortunately I have never been known for my conciseness or my ability to organize my thoughts, so be forewarned. This will be rambly and include a few tangents/too much detail.

The story of the Miharu family is a story of a family that was once respected, had a relationship/contract with powerful ayakashi, and eventually fell into ruin, leaving behind their contracts. The ayakashi, the mihashira, still come to uphold their part of the agreement without fail, but the family is gone. So who comes in their place to maintain the contract? The Matobas, and in the present day, the current head of the Matoba clan is Matoba Seiji. In order to maintain this deal with a group of powerful youkai, which neither he nor his family actually made, Matoba has to come and perform the welcoming ritual to avoid incurring the wrath of the mihashira.

Matoba is a character marked by burden, I think. Though he is the head of the most powerful exorcist clan, and therefore one might expect that he can pretty much do what he wants, I don’t actually think he has much personal freedom. The only son of the main family, he was probably marked as the heir from birth (if not, he would have had to be once his sister left but I still need to read 120+ so I don’t know exactly what the deal with her is). The clan’s interests are his interests. He can’t do anything that might hurt the reputation of or endanger the clan, and he is obligated to do things that benefit the clan. Matoba is Matoba. 

In chapter 25, in his debut arc, he tells Natsume 「使えるものは使わないと。人を守る為に、強い妖が欲しいと思っているだけですよ。その為には恨まれたり代償を払うことを気にしていたら、この家業はやっていけませんしね」

"One should make use of useful things. I just want ayakashi in order to protect people. If I was worried about being hated or suffering consequences, I could not carry on the family business,"

(this is actually one of those annoying instances of a Japanese sentence that’s more dense than would sound good in English. Matoba seems to be explaining his personal worldview/thoughts here with 思っている even though in English you’d never say “I just feel like/think I want strong ayakashi…” He’s explaining that this is the way he thinks, I think lol).

Matoba doesn’t get the privilege of having a good reputation among humans or ayakashi, since we learn in special chapter 17 that no good ayakashi will make deals with the Matobas because of their famous broken promise. Matoba Seiji not only inherits the burden of monthly eye-stealing visits, he also can’t make contracts with ayakashi and  takes on all the distrust that’s built up over generations from both humans and ayakashi. 

And now Matoba is taking on the debts of a dead branch family to avoid possibly endangering his own.

In the locked room, when Matoba is goading Natori into breaking them out, he says 「どうです？あなたには解くことができますか名取。無理ならばすべて私が片付けてさしあげましょうか？」

"Well, can you do it, Natori? If you can’t, shall I take care of everything for you?"

I’m unsure how much of this is Matoba teasing Natori (as he seems to like doing in the Homura arc) about how he’s not as powerful/skilled as Matoba, and how much is him simply making an offer because he’s Matoba and he’s The One Who Takes Care Of Everything. I think either way, there is at least a good amount of the latter going on here. 

In special chapter 17, Matoba shows up at Natori’s house and helps him exorcise the ayakashi that’s been haunting him. After Natori wakes up, he tries to offer to help Matoba in some way. I think he felt uncomfortable being the only one being helped, and wanted to find something he could offer Matoba, even though Matoba seems to have everything he needs. Natori offers to listen to his problems, and Matoba smiles (of course) and says he’s fine. Even teenage Matoba is like “You’re not the one who helps me, I’m the one who helps you.” Though this chapter is from Natori’s perspective, so Natori believes Matoba was just using him to get an ayakashi, I’m not sure that’s true. I don’t know for sure what Matoba’s motives were, but I don’t believe teenage Natori is an unbiased observer of him lol. 

Now that we’ve laid all that out, let’s talk briefly about the Miharus, a once respected family who made a deal with ayakashi they didn’t understand, and fell into ruin. According to the ayakashi who wants to sabotage the ritual, there was a member of the Miharu family called Masakiyo. Masakiyo was stern for the most part, but there was someone he loved. However, he couldn’t be with that person because he couldn’t make them shoulder the burdens of his family business, but neither could he simply abandon his family. He had to stay with his family and let this person go. This was the only time this ayakashi saw Masakiyo cry. Then we get this panel:

(pictured: bench of I Hate My Life, credit to @joelletwo for that lol)

In his despair, Masakiyo wished there was no Miharu family. The ayakashi, feeling indebted to Masakiyo for letting it go during an exorcism, overhears him and decides that destroying the Miharu family will bring Masakiyo happiness. This is an unintended contract between the two of them. Masakiyo unwittingly causes an ayakashi to spend years (decades?) trying in vain to destroy his family in order to repay a perceived debt. This isn’t Masakiyo’s fault, really, it was just an unfortunate misunderstanding. The ayakashi didn’t understand that Masakiyo wanted it to be free and live the life he couldn’t. “You were almost exorcised because of human circumstances. You were saved on the whim of a human. What debt? You are free. Go wherever you want. Live however you want.”

After all the mihashira business is wrapped up, Matoba thanks Natori for his help, Natori says he probably couldn’t have gotten out of the room without Matoba, and Matoba laughs and says “Then we’re even this time.” Neither one is indebted to the other this time…they’re even. Then Natori says The Line:

「何かを継ぎ背負っていく…その真の重みは私などにははかり知れません。でも今はこう思うようにもなりました。重いものもひとりでなければと…」

"I don’t know the true weight of shouldering a burden you’ve inherited, but now I’ve come to think that even heavy things can be carried if you’re not alone,"

(this is another one of the aforementioned Dense Japanese Sentences, and I really prefer the fan TL version of this line but I’m translating it this way to try to convey all the stuff he’s saying). Natori once again reaches out to Matoba, trying to offer him maybe the only thing he can: support, listening to his problems, shouldering his burdens. This time, though, we don’t get a Matoba Smile and “I’m fine,” we get this:

(pictured: Matoba on the bench of I Hate My Life, or “Matoba Cow Beach” as I refer to this image in my head)

What is Matoba thinking here? I really don’t know. If I draw the obvious parallel with Masakiyo, I guess he’s contemplating his two…selves, as it were. His duty to his family vs his personal desire for companionship. And I do think Matoba wants companionship. I read his behavior in special chapter 15 as genuinely wanting to be friends with Natori. I think he was excited that there was someone else his age who was relatively powerful, and who wasn’t concerned with all the Matoba stuff. Hence his insistence on Natori calling him Seiji. He wanted to be close to Natori.

And finally, we can come back to the loquats. Natsume hears Matoba mocking the mihashira for continuing to protect the Miharu house even after the family has all died out, and thinks perhaps Matoba is envious of ayakashi who go to such great lengths to keep promises.

"Matoba-san, who keeps breaking promises, and doesn’t have anyone to make new ones with."

Matoba wonders how the welcoming ritual will go next time, but decides he won’t worry since he probably won’t even be the head of the clan at that time. Natsume offers him a loquat, saying cheer up, and Matoba does his Thing, saying  “How odd, do I look upset?” and then tells The Story.

When Matoba was a teenager, he really wanted to try the loquats from Yorishima’s yard. One day, he was there with Natori, and Yorishima gave them both one. The loquat was delicious and sweet; Matoba felt that his “desire had been fulfilled,” but Natori got a sour one, and Matoba felt like Yorishima-san had wanted to give a loquat to Natori, and only given one to Matoba because he was there, so he thought “Ah there’s no winning even in such a small thing as this.” Matoba gets what he wants, but it wasn’t meant for him, and the one it was meant for is worse off, so did he really win? He was the only one who got to enjoy the delicious loquat. These are the unintended consequences, the burdens if you will, of desire. 

Natsume speculates that the agreement with the mihashira began when someone had the wish to protect the Miharu family, and there was an ayakashi who happened to be there, much like the situation with Masakiyo and the sabotaging ayakashi. A simple and innocent wish accidentally creates a generations-long burden that Matoba eventually has to shoulder. 

I think Matoba must be painfully aware of his power and influence, and that even his smallest actions could cause unintended consequences. I wonder if he sees the Miharu family as a warning of what could happen to his own family if he slips up… And it wasn’t just a mistake on the part of the Miharus, but a failure of the Matoba clan head of that time, whose responsibility it was to look out for the branch families. Matoba Seiji is not just responsible for the success of his own family, but protecting the branch families, and of course non-exorcists as well. I imagine he feels like he doesn’t have the time or room to act on any of his own personal desires, and his little loquat anecdote is evidence of that, to me. It’s bittersweet (lol). And Natori’s takeaway, meanwhile, is more casual as you might expect. When Natsume asks him if he likes loquats, he says he’s not sure because his first one wasn’t very good. To Natori, a loquat is something he might try again and like. To Matoba, it’s a reminder of what he can and can’t have.

[neonnoir-ao3]

thank you so much for putting it into words omg

At least in my perspective, Gabriel is at least more easily redeemable writing-fic-wise in the sense that biblical canon has some flexibility and his hatred for humanity is, in short: “I got kicked out by my dad because I refused to bow to humanity and now I'm coming for you bitches so I can take back what is mine". Where humanity is a bystander that's feeling his wrath and did nothing to incur it other than simply exist. It’s also much easier to excuse his methods of psychological torture in comparison to AM because we don’t really know the information given that causes MAD. We can assume it’s some sort of forbidden knowledge about God or something given the context of the series, but there is zero confirmation. Additionally, Gabriel’s plan is more or less pest control. (Also sorry if I mischaracterize him in my stuff too much for your liking lol, I’m trying so hard to make chapter three of SFTD extremely close to canon/even if it diverges a tad for the sake of the preexisting plot he still comes across as canon-adjacent.)

AM, on the other hand, is just... evil. Like the most toxic, vile version of “I think I will cause problems on purpose :)”. Similarly to Gabriel, he is evil created out of and feeds on his loathing of humanity. But instead, he’s out for revenge versus pest control. He’s not here to kill and move on to the next one, but rather is an unempathetic monster that revels in the suffering of others: physical and psychological. He wants them to hurt. He wants them to live in abject agony for as long as possible and to the most extreme degree of depravity. (Don’t get me started on Helen. Even if I wrote semi-canon stuff, it would be an AU to some degree simply because I refuse to write most triggering DD:DNE content)

I’m deviating towards very drastic AUs for AM in order to combat this, but also I adore human!AM stuff anyway —*cough* secretly like older men *cough*—, despite the whole wave of “anyone who makes any sort of human!AM content inherently lacks media literacy and deserves criticism”. Like my dudes: first off, Harlan Ellison’s ghost isn’t gonna come suck you off for defending his work, he infamously hated you. Second, I am actively choosing not to use media literacy and am obviously going out of my way to bend it so I don’t have to. It’s like art: you gotta learn the rules and master them before you break them, and I am literally on track to get one of my degrees in Popular Culture studies. I’m well aware of the content in the story and of AM’s canon self. I am consciously choosing to ignore it.

…would you guys think of me as cringey if I started talking about romancing, fucking, and/or general content regarding the Allied Mastercomputer from I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream? pls be honest

[thelazyhermits]

Welcome to Twisted Wonderland!

After falling down the Twst rabbit hole and dealing with Twst brainrot for the last few months, I finally decided to give writing for this fandom a try. I’m not the most confident, but hopefully, what I wrote is not too bad lol

I made this a Reader Insert since that’s what I’m used to writing, but it’s written with my Yuu OC in mind. She’s from the BNHA world which is why Quirks, which are basically super powers, are mentioned. You don’t really need to be familiar with BNHA to understand this.

Also, while my Yuu is female, her pronouns aren’t ever mentioned here, so the Reader is technically GN.

Where am I?

When you open your eyes, you find yourself standing in a dark room, facing a large mirror that has many coffins hovering ominously around it.

You’re immediately on your guard once you realize you have no recognition of the room you’ve found yourself in, especially since you can’t even remember how you ended up here in the first place.

Your mind frantically races as you try to think back to the last thing you remember. I remember winning the cage fight that was scheduled for tonight, but after that, my memory gets hazy. Did someone use their Quirk on me and kidnap me?

But that doesn’t make sense. Who would dare lay a hand on you and risk incurring your manager’s wrath? Everyone in the underworld knows how well connected Mumei is, which is why they avoid doing anything to get on his bad side.

A sudden chill runs down your spine. Unless this kidnapper is even more well off than Mumei. Could it be that someone has a grudge against him and is going after me because I’m his largest source of income?

That’s the only explanation that makes sense. After all, why else would someone go after the likes of you?

As your heart rate drastically increases, you frantically start looking around in hopes of finding an exit. For some reason, you haven’t been tied up, so you need to make the best use of this freedom to escape whatever your captor has planned for you.

Unfortunately, despite all your efforts, you’re unable to find any doors or windows, which only increases your unease. Just what kind of place have you been brought to?

It’s at that moment the mirror before you suddenly lights up as green fire appears in its reflection. “Ah…My dear beloved.”

With a gasp, you quickly try to find the owner of the unfamiliar voice you just heard, only for your search to come up empty. There must be some kind of intercom system in this room. That would explain why I can’t identify where exactly the voice came from.

Your hands clench into tight fists. “Who are you? What do you want from me?”

As if not hearing your questions, the strangely jovial voice continues, “A lovely and noble flower of evil. Truly, you are the most beautiful of all.”

Could it be that the intercom system only allows your captor to speak into the room? They can’t hear you? Or are you just being ignored?

You can’t decide if you should feel annoyed about the prospect of being ignored or creeped out by what your kidnapper is saying. Am I actually dealing with some kind of stalker rather than an enemy of Mumei’s? 

If so, you might be in even more trouble than you originally feared since a stalker can be extremely dangerous, especially one that sounds as delusional as this one. 

You scrunch your nose. “Noble flower of evil? What the hell does that even mean?”

Once again, your question goes unanswered. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, please tell me. Who is the…?”

For some reason, the voice cuts off before that last sentence can be finished. You patiently wait for the speaker to pick up where they left off, but they never do.

As silence permeates the air, you raise an eyebrow. Ooookay. Sounds like I’m dealing with a real weirdo here.

A sigh escapes you as you tiredly drag a hand down your face. Great, just great. Just what I needed.

Your weary gaze focuses on the mirror, which is still glowing an ominous green. Soon after, recognition dawns your features. Wait a minute. I’ve seen that mirror somewhere else before, but where?

After racking your brain for a moment, you remember what your captor last said, and your eyes widen. Mirror, mirror on the wall…That's from the movie, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. That’s where I’ve seen this mirror!

Which means my stalker-slash-kidnapper must have an obsession with that movie for some reason. They were talking about beauty earlier, much like the queen does in that movie. You think to yourself. I just have no idea how this all applies to me. After all, I am no Snow White. If this creep is looking for a pretty princess, he went after the wrong person.

Just as you’re considering saying as much out loud to see if that would garner a response from your kidnapper, you suddenly hear what sounds like a horse approaching with a carriage.

Bewildered, you once again examine your surroundings, and of course, find nothing that would explain where the sounds came from. The only explanation you can think of is that the sounds came from the intercom system, which you have yet to find.

Filled with unease, you swallow nervously. This stalker is getting weirder and creepier by the second. I seriously need to get out of here.

Since the only part of the room you haven’t checked out is what’s behind the mirror and floating coffins, you decide that’s where you should head, even though going near those eerie coffins is the last thing you want to do.

Right after you start slowly moving forward, the unfamiliar voice from before finally breaks its silence. “Those who are guided by the dark mirror, as long as your heart desires, take the hand that appears in the mirror.”

Wide-eyed, all you can do is gape as a literal hand appears amongst the green flames in the mirror’s reflection and proceeds to extend outwards until it completely protrudes through the glass. 

With a yelp, you scuttle backwards. “What the hell?! What kinda Quirk is this?!”

A Quirk has to be behind this. After all, hands can’t just magically appear through mirrors.

It’s either that, or this is all just a very creepy dream. There’s no other plausible explanation. 

When the possibility of this being a dream crosses your mind, you find yourself wondering if that is what’s going on here since that would explain how you suddenly found yourself here and why you can’t remember the events leading up to your arrival in this strange place.

Quickly, you pinch yourself as hard as you can and promptly wince. Either this is a very realistic dream, or I really am awake.

After trying a few more times to wake yourself up and failing, you sigh. Guess I’ll just return to my plan of escaping this room and hope I’ll either wake up soon or find a way out.

The only thing you do know for sure is that you will not be going near that hand in the mirror. There’s no telling what would happen if you do, and you have no interest in finding out.

That said, you unfortunately have no choice but to head in the general direction of the mirror since that’s the only part of the room you haven’t examined.

Warily, you slowly start walking forward, making sure to keep your eyes on the mirror at all times, just in case any other developments happen with it. You also keep an ear out for any suspicious sounds, not wanting to risk someone sneaking up on you while you’re distracted. 

For some reason, your kidnapper hasn’t said anything since instructing you to take the hand that appeared in the mirror. As a result, the room has gotten very quiet, so quiet that the only things you can hear are your footsteps against the dark marble floor and your breathing.

You fight the urge to shiver. This place is so creepy. Why are there coffins just floating around? And what is up with that crazy mirror?

From what you can recall, the mirror from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs didn’t do anything like this. All you remember it ever doing was talking to the Evil Queen via the green face that would appear behind the glass.

What’s really eerie about this situation is how the hand in the mirror hasn’t moved since emerging from behind the glass. It just continues to remain perfectly still, like it’s a part of a statue.

If you hadn’t seen it move earlier, you would’ve thought it was a fake arm since there’s nothing about its appearance that suggests it belongs to a living being.

Doing your best to ignore the creepy arm, you move past the mirror, so you can examine what’s in the area of the room located behind it.

Regrettably, no matter how thoroughly you search, you fail to find any kind of exit. There really is nothing in this room aside from the mirror and the coffins.

Your brow furrows. But that’s impossible. There’s no such thing as a room without some kind of entrance and exit. Otherwise, there’s no way to explain how I got here.

Sure, a teleportation Quirk could’ve been used on you, but that would mean someone used their Quirk to put these coffins and mirror in this room, which makes absolutely no sense.

When the mirror returns to the forefront of your thoughts, a theory comes to mind. What if that mirror is the only way to get in and out of this room? I just witnessed that hand come through it, so it obviously can be used to bring things into this place. And that hand came out expecting me to take it, which makes me assume it intends to take me somewhere else.

Of course, that begs the question of why you were even brought to this room in the first place if your captor wants you to go elsewhere. Did they just want to toy with you first, or is there another reason for why you were brought here?

You frown. Does this mean I really have no choice in the matter? It’s either I stay here trapped forever, or I go wherever that hand will take me?

Neither of those options are the least bit appealing to you, but unfortunately, it doesn’t look like you have much say in the matter.

Honestly, you really shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not like you ever have a say in anything anyway. Why should this situation be any different from everything else that goes on in your life?

With a scowl, you reluctantly move back toward the mirror and come to a stop in front of it, making sure to put some distance between you and the still extended hand, which looks as lifeless as ever. 

Just as you open your mouth, intending to chew out the bastard who put you in this horrible position, you hear a voice coming from the mirror, a voice that’s completely different from the one you heard earlier.

“There you are, Yuu. I’ve been waiting for you. What kept you so long? You know how I feel about tardiness. Don’t tell me you found yourself caught up in trouble again thanks to those card soldiers of mine, not after I had just warned them that it’d be off with their heads the next time they caused another disturbance.”

Your earlier anger immediately vanishes due to the confusion those strange words evoke. “Huh? Card soldiers? What are you-?”

Before you can finish that question, another unexpected voice addresses you. “You’ve got a lot of nerve keeping me waiting, Herbivore. Just because you’ve become comfortable in the lion’s den doesn’t mean you can just do as you please. Don’t get cocky.”

All you can do is stare, your confusion steadily growing. “Herbivore? Lion’s den?”

“My, my, Yuu-san, it seems you’ve once again found yourself in a predicament. Shall I lend you my services? Since you’re such a valuable employee, I’ll even offer you a discount.”

When another voice joins the fray, you take a nervous step backwards. There are multiple people involved in this kidnapping? 

Your face pales. Don’t tell me all these strange people are a part of some crazy cult. That’s even worse than a stalker!

While it might seem like a bit of a stretch to go from delusional stalker to crazy cult, you can’t deny that it’s a possibility. After all, that would explain all the oddities of this room and all the weird statements you’ve been hearing since waking up. 

Thankfully, before your wild imagination can get the better of you, you get distracted by another voice.

“Yuu? Are you alright? If you’re feeling down, you should come over to Scarabia! I’ll throw a big party for you! That should cheer you right up!”

This new voice sounds completely different from the others. It’s so friendly and warm, so unlike the voices you’re used to hearing at home.

While you’ve dealt with people who pretended to be nice, who used a cloyingly sweet tone in order to get what they wanted, before, you know that’s not the kind of person you’re dealing with right now.

No, this person’s voice is completely genuine. You can tell just from listening to them that this is not the kind of person who’s capable of deceit.

They remind you a lot of All Might, the pro hero whom you admire more than anyone, and for that reason, you find yourself unconsciously relaxing. This isn’t the kind of person who hurts others. Either they’re someone who has been brainwashed into helping people they wouldn’t otherwise associate with, or…

Or there’s more going on with this strange group of people than you first thought. 

You take a deep breath and slowly release it. I need to keep my cool. Getting worked up by all this craziness will only hurt me. I need to keep my wits about me if I hope to figure out what the hell is going on. 

“That’s a good potato. If you stress yourself out unnecessarily, you’ll only give yourself wrinkles, and we can’t have that, can we? I won’t allow you to ruin all my efforts to bring out that potential of yours.”

You raise an eyebrow when you hear how this new voice addressed you. “Potato? What kind of nickname is that? If it wasn’t for the rest of what you just said, I’d think you were insulting me.”

It’s at that moment you realize something very important, something you can’t believe you took this long to notice. Hey, wait a minute. Most of the people that just spoke referred to me by my actual name. How the hell did they know my name was Yuu? No one knows that except for Tokumei and Mumei.

Normally, people always call you by your stage name “Prophet”, your manager included. The only one who refers to you as Yuu is Tokumei who was the person who gave you that name once you came to live with him and his twin brother, Mumei, since he thought it was impractical for a child to not have an actual name.

For all these years, Tokumei has been the only one to call you by that name, yet here are these total strangers using your name so casually, acting as if they’ve known it forever.

What in the world is going on here?

“Y-Yuu-shi, can we go already? You know how much I hate leaving my room. My HP is almost at zero; I don’t know how much longer I can last.”

Despite yourself, you can’t help but feel amused when you hear this new voice since there’s a slight whine to their tone. Whoever this person is, they are obviously not enjoying themselves right now and want to get back to their room as soon as possible.

That definitely doesn’t sound like a crazy cultist. It sounds like a teenager who has had enough of whatever they’ve been dragged into, and you can sympathize with that sentiment wholeheartedly. 

The remaining tension in your frame begins to fade. Now that I think about it, none of these voices have sounded the least bit threatening. I don’t know if I’d use the word friendly for all of them, but they definitely don’t sound like dangerous kidnappers.

Not to mention, you don’t think you’ve heard a single lie out of any of them. It’s a little surreal for you, considering you’re used to dealing with people who lie as easily as they breathe on an almost daily basis.

While you wouldn’t be so reckless as to write all of them off as being non-dangerous, you can’t help but wonder if these people are actually completely different from the people you first assumed them to be.

“Child of Man, you need not worry. I will not allow anyone to harm you. As long as you are under my protection, you will be safe.”

It’s the latest addition to this strange vocal cast that has your breath hitching. “Y-You…”

The rational part of your brain tries to convince you that it’s an empty promise, just pretty words to get you to let your guard down, but even though you are normally quick to listen to that rationality, you find yourself hesitating this time.

Because that person wasn’t lying.

Whoever that speaker was, they truly meant it when they said they’d protect you - that you’re safe with them. 

There was nothing but warmth and assurance in that voice - two things that are very foreign to you because of the place where you’ve spent the last ten-plus years of your life.

Before you even realize it, you find yourself raising your hand toward that voice - toward the hand still outstretched before you. 

However, after remembering how often you’ve been disappointed in the past, you find yourself hesitating. What if this is all just a cruel lie - a charade that you can’t see through?

What if this person really is just like everyone else?

“Yuu-chan, you’re too tense! Relax, relax! Let’s have some tea and unwind. I’ll find some cute cat pictures on Magicam for us to look at together! I know how much you love those!”

Another cheerful voice enters the fray, this one sounding just as energetic as the one that had first caught your attention. 

Immediately, you find yourself wondering what Magicam is and how this person knows of your love of cats.

Before you can bring yourself to ask, a new, much calmer voice says, “If you need help unwinding, you can join me in the kitchen, Yuu. As per tradition, I’ll make sure you get the best bite as thanks for your help.”

And apparently, this person knows about your love of cooking. Just how much do these people know about you?

More importantly, just how many of them are there?

“Geez, ya really are a handful, aren’t ya, Yuu-kun? How about ya come with me to see if Sam-san’s got some work for us to do? That way I can keep an eye on ya, and I’ll get to enjoy the pay raise that Sam-san always offers on the days you’re working at his shop. Shishishi.”

While there’s a mischievous tone in this new voice, there’s no mistaking the underlying fondness that you hear, which just makes you even more confused. Just who is this person, and who in the world is Sam?

“Shrimpy, I’m bo~red! Let’s get outta here and do somethin’ fun! You don’t wanna be here anymore, right?”

“You do seem to be quite tired of your current circumstances, Yuu-san. Being the benevolent people that we are, my brother and I would be more than happy to do whatever we can to assist you. Let us help you find a much more interesting way to spend your time. Fufu.”

For some reason, a chill runs down your spine when you hear those two particular voices. While they don’t exactly inspire fear, there’s just something about them that puts you on your guard.

That said, you also can’t help but feel a little amused when you hear your newest nickname. “Shrimpy? Where are all these weird nicknames coming from?”

As expected, you don’t receive an answer to your question. Instead, someone else’s voice pipes up. “Yuu, it’s good to be cautious, but you don’t want to let this opportunity pass you by. Only a fool would give up the chance to obtain the freedom they’ve been seeking all their life. Don’t you agree?”

Your eyes grow large. “Freedom?”

By freedom, do they mean real freedom? As in you don’t have to return to your previous life and never again have to suffer at Mumei’s hands? You’ll be able to do whatever you want with your life without fear of punishment?

Surely, this is too good to be true. They’re just trying to whittle away at your defenses in order to finally make you give in and go along with whatever scheme they have planned for you once you take the hand that has been offered to you.

You bite your lip. But is anything really worse than what I already deal with? Even if they don’t give me the freedom that I want, they’re likely to still be better than Mumei. After all, I can’t imagine too many people actually being worse than him.

“Oh, my dear Trickster, it pains me to see you struggling so. You are in good company here, I assure you. We all truly want what’s best for you and wish to see you experiencing the kind of joy you deserve, because you are our beloved friend. No one wants to see a beauté like you hidden away in the shadows where no one can enjoy your brilliance.”

If it wasn’t for the genuine tone of this person’s voice, you’d think they were just trying to butter you up by using such flattery, but since you can detect no deceit, you have to accept that this person truly means every word that they say despite how hard it is for you to believe.

It’s steadily becoming more difficult to refuse the tempting offer before you.

“You truly are a fighter, Yuu. Even now, you have your guard up, and I cannot fault you for that. However, even the most highly seasoned warriors know when it’s time to reach out to those around them, and I hope that you too will learn to rely on others rather than continue fighting all of your battles on your own.”

“Yuu, you can rely on us. We’ll help you in any way we can, because you’re our friend and we care about you.”

Your legs grow weak at their words, causing you to fall to your knees. Tears cloud your vision as you brace yourself against the cold, marble floor. “I…I don’t understand. Why do you all care about me? Why does it matter to you what happens to me?”

For as long as you can remember, no one has ever shown such care toward you, so why are these people different? 

While you’d like to rationalize this as them just putting up a caring front in order to earn your trust, you know that’s not the truth, because all of these people have been nothing but sincere. When they say they care about you, they genuinely mean it.

And you have no idea why.

For a while, you remain in that same position, trying to collect yourself and figure out what your next move should be. All the while, the mirror remains strangely silent, making you wonder if all the members of the group involved in your current predicament have finally said their piece.

You’re incredibly conflicted about this. On one hand, you don’t want to play into anyone’s hands, but on the other, could that really lead to circumstances that are any worse than what you already deal with on a daily basis?

This situation has “deal with the devil” written all over it, but considering the demons you’re used to facing, you can’t bring yourself to feel too scared. Surely, anything has to be better than the life you’ve been living for all these years.

….right?

“Grrrr…”

Your body stiffens when you hear a loud growl coming from behind you. With great trepidation, you turn to look over your shoulder and promptly blanche at the sight before you.

In the area that was once completely empty now stands a large, four-legged monster with black fur and a mane of blue fire. A chill runs down your spine when you look into its piercing blue eyes.

Without thinking, you unconsciously scuttle backwards across the floor, wanting to put as much distance between you and this creature as possible, not caring if this means you’ll consequently make contact with the mirror.

Strangely enough, your back never makes contact with anything despite your close proximity to the mirror. This prompts you to reluctantly pull your eyes away from the monster, so you can look behind you.

Much to your surprise, when your gaze eventually falls onto the mirror, you see that it’s now several yards away from you, on the other side of the large clearing you’ve somehow found yourself in.

Your mind races with questions as you try to make sense of what’s going on. First, this monster comes out of nowhere, and now, the room has turned into some kinda dilapidated clearing, as if this monster just blew out all the walls, but that doesn’t make any sense! 

Nothing about this situation makes any sense unfortunately, and you don’t think you’ll be getting any answers anytime soon. 

Realizing there are more important matters to worry about, you hurry to stand and start steadily backing away from the monster, hoping it won’t pursue you if you avoid moving too quickly.

All the while, you assess the threat before you. There is no way I can fight this thing. Even with my fighting experience and my Quirk, this isn’t an opponent I can handle. One swipe from its paws will be enough to do me in, so I can’t afford to let it get close to me.

Which means escape is the only option you have. The only question is: Will you be able to outrun this monster, or will all your efforts be futile?

You clench your trembling hands into fists. I will find a way to escape. I refuse to die a meaningless death here. I’ve survived this long, and I have no intention to let everything I’ve done up until this point to stay alive go to waste because of some crazy monster.

Now, you just need to figure out how to ensure that your escape will be successful. Should you try to tire out the monster first before making a run for it, making use of your great stamina, or would another strategy be better suited for this situation?

Before you can ruminate on this matter for too long, you get distracted when you hear a playful voice coming from the mirror.

“Hey, Yuu, don’t you think you’re thinking a little too hard about this? It’s pretty obvious what you need to do here. Don’t tell me you need me to spell it out for you.”

Your brow furrows. “What are you-?”

Before you can finish your sentence, you get cut off by two new voices.

“Yuu! You can rely on us! That’s what best friends are for! We’ll always have your back!”

“While it probably makes me sound like a hypocrite, I do think you try to do too much on your own, Yuu. Why don’t you follow the advice you’re always giving me and ask us for help for a change? Being a lone wolf doesn’t suit you.”

“Ask for help?” You incredulously whisper, “That’s…”

Completely foreign to you. When was the last time someone offered to help you because they genuinely wanted to? Without expecting something in return?

You’re drawn out of your thoughts when three new voices chime in. 

“We know how strong you are, but you shouldn’t have to do everything on your own. I’d much rather have my friends rely on me when they need a hand, so don’t hold back, Yuu-san! You can count on me anytime!”

“You’re not alone, Yuu-san! Nii-san and I are on your side, just like everyone else, because we’re friends! And friends are always there to support each other through thick and thin, just like what the protagonists do in all of my brother’s favorite shows!”

“Hmph. As always, you’re causing trouble, human. Fortunately for you, I am feeling very generous today. That’s why I will graciously offer you my aid. Be grateful! As long as you have my protection, you have nothing to fear!”

For some reason, after listening to those six voices, the tension in your frame has completely disappeared. Why does your heart feel so at ease thanks to them?

While you can’t answer that question, you at least now have an answer to the question of how you can escape the monster, which has miraculously not started attacking you yet. 

After taking a deep breath and releasing it, you turn around and promptly start sprinting toward the mirror, doing your best to ignore the loud roar you hear behind you. 

Quickly, you activate your foresight Quirk and focus all of your power on predicting your opponent’s movements. This allows you to see that the monster is capable of firing blue fireballs from its mouth.

Blue fire starts appearing all around you thanks to the monster that’s now on the offensive, but thankfully, none of its attacks manage to hit you, because you’re able to foresee its attack pattern and dodge accordingly.

All the while, you determinedly keep running forward, straight toward the mirror. “I really don’t understand you guys! I don’t understand why you act so familiar with me or why you seem to actually care about me, but....”

Your heart pounds violently inside your chest, both out of fear of the monster and of what could happen to you if you take that hand that’s still extended toward you. “But I want to! I want to understand! So, please!”

You reach out to grab the hand in the mirror as soon as it’s within reach. “Please take me to wherever you are!”

Take you to a place where you can get a taste of what freedom is like - where you can be around people that actually give a damn about you

Take you to a place of safety that’s far away from the “home” you’ve been trapped in for as long as you can remember - to a place where your future is bright rather than bleak and hopeless.

Behind you, the monster releases another powerful roar, but you pay it no mind, too distracted by the warm hand you’re now holding that comes to life as soon as you make contact with it.

Before you can even so much as blink, the hand tugs you forward with an impressive strength, knocking you off balance and causing you to fall straight into the mirror.

Rather than hit the glass, you pass right through it and find yourself completely submerged in an endless sea of darkness.

For some reason, a strong wave of exhaustion immediately washes over you, and you find yourself unable to fight against the irresistable urge to close your eyes and fall asleep. 

Just as you’re on the verge of losing consciousness, you hear all twenty-two of the voices that spoke to you from the other side of the mirror address you in complete sync.

“Welcome to Twisted Wonderland!”

[britishassistant]

From one gut punch to another, but fluff edition: I think Divus hates when Yuu gets sick. Being a test tube baby, Yuu must have missed out on the natural immunities given by typical pregnancy. So when they were really young they would get ill very fast and very terrible. You can’t tell me that first time parents Roger and Anita wouldn’t panic when faced with the dreaded stomach bug. And who else to watch the pup when they run out for supplies then their “Uncle Crew”. At first, Crewel would consider it an triumph that Yuu could get sick since most of his creations have natural immunity, but that immediately changed and suddenly he was panicking too after Yuu had a pretty nasty burst of coughing. After all Yuu is the first creation that he’s ever made that was meant to be fragile, he’s not exactly equipped with how to deal with that. Nowadays Yuu mostly just suffers in silence, but if Crewel happens to hear that a certain reporter is under the weather, The Perfect will mostly likely stumble back into their apartment to find a care package from him with all their childhood treatments and the decent medicine.

@coffee-or-hot-cocoa said: hahaha how about yuu getting sick with a cold, lol the city must be the verge on a civil war with all the villains arguing who takes care of yuu, no crimes where committed but breaking and entering and the occasional medicine theft, they could've had kidnapped a doctor, but nothing says "look i'm husband material" by treating them to get better by helping them themselves. I keep imagining riddle with trey bringing some soup but then being shoved to the side from jade and floyd, with them bringing blankets and medicine, only to be beaten by the savana trio, by them taking a nap with yuu.

Thank you for the ask, dear anon and @coffee-or-hot-cocoa !

And oh. Oh. That makes so much sense and makes me so soft, I declare it canon.

Because Yuu’s lacking in these natural defenses, they tend to be someone who goes all out when they get sick. By which I mean they’re never someone who can have ‘just a light cold’, because their body just goes to the greatest extreme, from 0 to 100 in a matter of hours. They get awful fevers, migraines that leave them hardly able to think, body-wracking coughs, upset stomachs that mean they’re unable to even keep water down, sore throats which quickly devolve into tonsillitis, and that’s if they’re lucky and their symptoms are mild.

And they’ll still try to go to work in this state, because they’re a dumb workaholic.

Yuuken is in charge of turning them around, sitting them back in the car, and driving them home to rest.

It was particularly scary for Anita and Roger when Yuu was small, because chicken pox hit them like a freight train when it went through their class at school, leaving them ill enough for two weeks that they were contemplating taking Yuu to the emergency room so they could at least get the fluids they were losing via IV drip.

Crewel found it fascinating at first, as all of his creations have natural immunity built into them, so nothing can stop them when they rampage. Seeing one of them laid low by a mere disease, it’s a new experience that needs to be documented to its fullest extent to gather valuable data.

Of course it stops being so ‘fascinating’ once it becomes clear how much #Y26 is suffering, how much longer they’ve been bedridden when compared to normal rates of recuperation in children their age, long enough that the idea of them just not recovering at all becomes a viable option.

That’s when Crewel stops collecting data and starts working on a way to cure Yuu or alleviate the worst of their symptoms.

It’s also why he gets so pissy when he finds out what the supervillains are doing while Yuu’s sick. What don’t those numbskull puppies understand about avoiding stressing out the patient and the dangers of weakened immune systems?! Do they want the reporter to stay ill for longer under their antics?? It’s not like they’ll even be able to remember any of the ‘caretaking’ that they’re hoping will earn them brownie points, given how out of it Yuu always ends up!

He usually descends like a fashionable yet wrathful god, chasing the unruly puppies out of the reporter’s apartment with a rolled up newspaper before they can make the situation worse. The best thing they can do is leave their offerings of soup and medicine for Crewel’s perusal and back off quickly. Attempting to force their way in or sneak Yuu out is a fast way to incur Crewel’s cold fury. The Diasomnia, Octavinelle and Savannaclaw supervillain groups learned that the hard way.

Yuuken quickly won Crewel’s favor when they first met by staying as far away as he could when Yuu came down with flu while they roomed together, and doing exactly what Crewel advised him to after he had to leave Yuu in Yuuken’s care overnight, asking sensible questions when unclear about his directives. That at least showed Crewel that Yuuken was willing to do what was necessary to return Yuu to health rather than fulfill a certain ideal of caretaking that’s ultimately more self-serving than actually helpful.

Yuu wakes up a few days later with a can of tuna perched on their chest, grumbling about the remnants of a headache and wondering how much they’re going to need to play nursemaid after Uncle Divvy got done with their supervillain admirers this time.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

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Hi! First of all, thank you so much for running this blog, It's become one of three reasons why I haven't yet committed arson (I jest but the Feeling is true). [Hee, hee, hee.] I have a rec for you! It's called "wholesome life usurp immediately" by comfect on ao3 and it's. So good. It's unfinished but the author updates it literally every other day if not faster! It's a lovely fic, I hope you enjoy it. 🌻

Wholesome Life Usurp Immediately

by Comfect (T, 55k, yunmeng sibs, qingli, wangxian, WIP)

Summary: Wen Qing examines Jiang Yanli at Cloud Recesses and has a cure for her poor cultivation.

Now there are Three Prides of Yunmeng.

Everything kind of fixes itself from there.

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hello mojo!! I would really like to recommend standing still (but we keep going) by lwjromantics!! it's really good!!

standing still (but we keep going)

by lwjromantics (justfantaestic) (T, 5k, wangxian)

Summary: Lan Wangji supposed that if having to take care of little A-Yuan and Mo Xuanyu and having to look at the reminders of Wei Ying in their habits and mannerisms was punishment for his actions, he would willingly take it and flay his own back open.

— There are children in the Burial Mounds.

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hii mojo! I just read this cute fic and I loved it so I wanted to rec it :) 

Word Up, Talk the Talk

by Larryissocute (G, 2k, wangxian)

Summary:  It wouldn’t have been a problem (it really wouldn’t) if they weren’t best friends. Wei Wuxian doesn’t know what good deeds he did in his past life to be blessed with Lan Wangji as a friend nor does he know what evil things he did to be cursed with being only a friend to Lan Wangji.

Or the one where Wei Wuxian kisses Lan Wangji and then runs away.

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Hey! Love your account — and proud of you for taking the hiatus you needed.  [Lol - it was really nice!]  Idk if you take fic recommendations, but I'd love to rec Roots by ardenrabbit. Fantastic characterization, I really love it!

Roots

by ardenrabbit (E, 46k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  After Wei Wuxian's duel with Jiang Cheng, he finds that stab wounds aren't so trivial when he doesn't have a core to heal them. He wakes to find Lan Zhan in the Burial Mounds with him, already beloved by the Wens and making himself at home. When Lan Zhan tells him that he wants to stay and offers more help than Wei Wuxian knows how to accept, he fears that it's only too good to be true.

Lan Wangji knows that Wei Ying is doing the right thing, and he couldn't live with himself if he let him do it alone. For everything Wei Ying has sacrificed, Lan Wangji is determined to give something back to him.

Hanguang-Jun has turned his back on the clans to join the Yiling Wens and their demonic cultivator leader, and every clan has a different opinion on the matter.

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Hello! I wanted to rec a fic on ao3 called "Restoration" by jelenedra. It's complete, an alternate universe of the sunshot campaign told nonlinearly. It has strong fairy tale and fae elements, with a touch of mystery. Bit of a fix it. Some delightful one liners, and the final ending imagery is just LOVELY. The fic deserves much more love. There's also some YilingWei, wwx not raised by Jiang, and sentient Burial Mounds elements. Enchanting read that keeps you enthralled and curious and intrigued.

Restoration

by jelenedra (M, 85k, wangxian)

Summary:  They say he was thrown into Luanzang Gang by the man who killed his parents; they say that he is an immortal cultivator who had been in a deep trance until the Wen sect disturbed his rest and incurred his wrath; they say that he is the fierce corpse of a cultivator who had somehow regained his mind and his spiritual powers.

When Lan Wangji sees him for the first time, he understands why people talk.

Meng Yao wants safety. Xue Yang wants vengeance. The Sunshot Campaign wants victory. Yiling Laozu provides, for a price.

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I usually read all your recommendations. Thanks for gathering all good recs of wangxian. I am in love with every single story your recommend especially the favorites. [I’m so glad!]  I just wanted to suggest a fic i came across while searching for phoenix!wwx. Its a new story I think as author has published it today. The first chapter was very interesting that i thought ill recommend it you and know your opinion. The legendary phoenix and his dragon -Devipriya and Hidden Path to Love by ShadowTenshiV

Hidden Path to Love

by ShadowTenshiV (G, 78k, wangxian)

Summary:  Wei Ying is a servant working at the Gusu Lan castle. One day he enters through a secret passage way connected to the library where he meets a Lan for the first time. He may have left quite an impression, gaining the other´s attention and slowly becoming friends. They would like to become something more, but a servant can´t be with a prince, but maybe his secret can change that.

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hello mojo! i was wondering if I could make a fic rec? it’s called “and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow” by izanyas. it used to be on ao3 but the author has since moved it to eir own website and has started posting updates there. i was wondering if this could also act as a signal boost bc some old readers on ao3 might not have known that it is now on another website.   Author's been through a tough time so I think it deserves a lot more love.

For new readers, please mind the warnings in the prologue and the beginning of each chapter! it’s omegaverse and a very heavy read as it deals with (possible spoiler) off-screen rape that results in an unwanted pregnancy, as well as secondary gender oppression which runs deep, but for people who can bear it the writing, worldbuilding, and emotions are truly spectacular.

and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow

by izanyas (E, 270k, wangxian, WIP, link is to WordPress rather than AO3)

Summary: Cangse Sanren was the first of her kind to become a cultivator. Talented, passionate, free-spirited, she bested everything that ever came her way until the very end.

Jiang Fengmian refuses to see her son deprived of that same freedom.

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Hello Mojo! I dunno if this's been recced before, but here's another ficrec for you? It's complete, on ao3, "The Third Young Master of Qishan Wen" by KouriArashi. It's 'if wwx was raised by dafan wen, but gets recognized as 3rd heir due to his skill' scenario. Some really nice banter and characterization. Wwx and lz get together before the sunshot campaign. Story follows the live action but diverges into au, and does some cool callbacks to original canon. Love Meng Yao in this!  [Oh, I know KouriArashi from my last fandom, I love her works!]

❤️The Third Young Master of the Qishan Wen

by KouriArashi (T, 139k, wangxian, my post)

Summary:  The fic where Wei Wuxian is adopted by the Dafan Mountain Wens instead of the Yunmeng Jiang.

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Hi Mojo! I can count the number of times I’ve spoken on Tumblr on one hand (I’m shy heh) but I found this fic that I think you and others would really like? I’m a sucker for emotional hurt/comfort and this was just too sweet for me not to share (did I go through 20 pages of bookmarks just to make sure you don’t already have it? Maybe …) [Aww, you can do a sidebar search in the bookmarks for the author’s name.  But I hope you found other good fics by carding through the whole catalog!]  It’s “Close Your Soft Eyes” by timetoboldlygo! I also wanna say thank you for all the hard work you put into this blog! It’s a treasure beyond compare. :D [Thank you so much!]

Close Your Soft Eyes

by timetoboldlygo (G, 12k, wangxian)

Summary:  When Lan Wangji woke, the first thing he noticed was the slip of paper, folded and tucked between his index and middle fingers, not Wei Wuxian’s absence. His fingers trembled as he unfurled the paper. A donkey with a little smile beamed down at him.

-

On the nights that Wei Wuxian was gone, Lan Wangji woke to gifts on his pillow.

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Hey Mojo! I love your blog it is beyond awesome! [Thank you!]  I was wondering if you would consider reading JaenysBloodcourt series "A Bond to Takes us home"? The summary is weird but I like the fics and would love to hear your opinion on LWJ POV (it's part 2). Part one is Mingxian but part two (Wangxian) reads as a standalone for the most part. Anyways, thank you for all your hard work! <3 [I’ll put it on my list!]

A Bond to Take Us Home

by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 10k, mingxian - nmj/wwx, wangxian, series in progress)

Summary:  Wei Wuxian has two soulmarks. He has two soulmates that seem to be the opposite of him. During his first life he meets both of them, loves only one and longs for the other. In his second life, the one he loved first is dead, and the one he pined after is pining after him.

These are the many tales of his soulmates and the raucous they made across the cultivation world.

Some are dark, some are light. Beware.

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I forgot to send this in for Mother's Day a few weeks ago, but have you read dragongirlG's "into the light of a dark black night"? It's a short canon divergence where Mama Lan escapes the Cloud Recesses after spending one last, heartbreaking night with her sons. It's so beautiful and bittersweet! [Oh, ouch.  I just read this author’s time travelling juniors au, but hadn’t seen this one.]

into the light of a dark black night

by dragongirlG (T, 3k, Madam Lan & sons)

Summary:  The night that Wu Yuhua, formerly known as Madam Lan, plans to escape from the Cloud Recesses, she runs into an unexpected complication.

That complication comes in the form of her younger son A-Zhan running up to her door and kneeling in front of it, hushed whimpers escaping from his throat.

Wu Yuhua knows it's not the full moon, knows that it's not the one day a month she's allowed to see her children—but like hell is she going to leave her six-year-old son out there trying to stifle sobs in the snow.

She opens the door. "A-Zhan," she says, bending down and reaching out a hand. "Come in, my sweet boy."

On a snowy night in the dead of winter, Wu Yuhua, formerly known as Madam Lan, unexpectedly spends one last night with her sons before escaping from the Cloud Recesses.

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Hello queen I’d like to recommend for ur follower rec posts Avatar: The Untamed Waterbender by KouriArashi. Banger of an ATLA au, def the best one I’ve seen. It’s a WIP but the author updates pretty regularly and it’s all around an A+ fic [Oh, yes, I’ve been waiting for this one to finish before I jump in.]

Avatar: The Untamed Waterbender

by KouriArashi (T, 123k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:  You know the drill. Long ago, the four nations lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

100 years later, Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli find Wei Wuxian sealed in an iceberg.

Featuring: avatar WWX, waterbending JC, firebending Wens, airbending Lans, earthbending Nies and Jins, Jiang Yanli in possession of the brain cell, et cetera.

~*~

[My ko-fi.]

[notsafeforbinary]

Relevant info

About me

Rill (not my real name, just a word I like the sound of)

20

transfem enby (they/them)

queer/bi lesbian/idk everyone is hot, i’m a lesbian kinda in the same way i’m not a woman but not not a woman or that i’m t4t but with rare exceptions, for instance i’ve been known to go for the occasional cis woman or trans guy and a grand total of 1 (one) cis man, idk sexuality is weird.

Polyamorous

pre-hrt, maybe hoping to make some money off this at some point to help with that but not anytime soon (and even then I’d probably give it to people free if they’re nice)

About me part 2 (TL;DR: I’m aro, autistic, and ADHD)

I’m aromantic. If you want to have a long discussion about my boundaries I’m totally open to that and in fact would love to have it, but until someone asks or I get around to making a post please just don’t talk about romance happening to me (gestures/actions/lifestyle things typically seen as romantic are fine with the exception of kissing on the mouth, that’s a no unless we’ve talked and I’ve said otherwise). Anyone spouting bullshit about sex without romance being immoral or about me not being able to be a decent human being because I’m aroallo will incur my wrath (nah i’m just gonna block you and move on lol).

I’m autistic and have ADHD, I’m already awkward as it is with nonsexual interactions and adding in societal taboos around sex can make it quite difficult for me to communicate. I will very often not pick up on hints and frequently will drop them by mistake or when trying to drop hints I may not get the message across. I won’t be offended if you say something explicitly to me that’s generally supposed to be said implicitly. I do have rsd so try to keep that in mind but if you’re a decent human being that shouldn’t be a problem too often. Also if I’m making you uncomfortable, please just tell me straight-up. I try to err on the side of caution but I’m only human. What a neurotypical person might see as a clear request to stop I might be confused by, if we’re being horny at each other I do try to make an effort to check in whenever anything changes or just periodically to make sure you’re doing okay but if I’m making you uncomfortable don’t wait for that. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. 

Kinks (vaguely in reverse order of intensity)

cnc, watersports, degradation, somno, bondage, anything involving body fluids unique to sex, exhibitionism (only when everyone involved is consenting, which usually just means fucking in the middle of nowhere in some woods or smth)

I don’t really consider pet play or praise kinks because they’re not really associated with sex for me, though I do like them and I’m not gonna be horribly turned off if you praise me.

Tagging system

All pictures of me are #me

Currently no other things are being tagged, if you need or want something tagged let me know

DNI

Any sort of bigots/exclusionists (you know who you are), pedos, minors (or people without ages in bio), conservatives/fash, chasers

Miscellaneous

Totally cool with people sending me pictures or asking for them but say something first and I reserve the right to refuse

I love both horny and non-horny messages

Horny asks (anon or not) are encouraged

This is mostly a horny blog in theory but it turns into random stuff about being queer or things that feel too nsfw for my main even if they’re not horny or really good posts i feel like sharing sometimes so yeah

As of relatively recently i’ve become more horny on main but i’m still keeping nudity here because irl friends follow that acc, if ppl want my main acc i’ll prob give it to you if you dm me asking.

[emsvegetables]

“I’ve requested before previously but I decided to send in another request bc I’m absolutely obsessed with your writing WIDJDJFJ But anyways, could I request scenarios of how Iwaizumi + Goshiki would react to their teammates teasing them for having scratch marks on their backs from their S/O? 🥴 I hope my request makes sense and stay hydrated !!”

omg THANK YOU ANON!!!!!! i don’t mind people requesting more than once!!! it’s nice to know people like my writing well enough to request again heh :-)!!! u stay hydrated as well <3!!

Iwaizumi:

* OH MAN.

* HES SO ROUGH IN BED TBH FROROFKF I WOULD LIKE MY GUTS TO BE REARRANGED BY HIM.

* N E WAYS

* You’re the manager of Aoba Johsai!!!

* Iwaizumi knows that the both of you had a rough night, judging from the way your face contorted with every step you took, and how you spent most of practice sitting on the bench, and not walking around like you usually did.

* HE FEELS SO BAD !!!!!

* He totally forgot about the scratches on his back, though.

* That is...until he takes off his shirt in the locker room.

* Then he hears a low whistle coming from Matsukawa, and he’s like ???????

* “YO IWAIZUMI YOU RASCAL!!!!” Hanamaki is saying and he’s slapping Iwaizumi on the back.

* Then he feels his back sting from Hanamaki’s slap, and he realises!!!

* Okay this is the first time the team sees Iwaizumi blush this intensely.

* Mattsun and Makki are hollering, and calling Iwaizumi a rough boi LOL

* Yahaba’s watching from the sidelines and he is so JEALOUS lmaooo

* Kyoutani has a pissed look on his face. maybe it’s because he’s jealous too LOL

* Kindaichi’s blushing, because this pure, sweet boy had not expected to get a glimpse into his senpai’s sex life HAH.

* Kunimi is just chilling, tbh he already expected Iwaizumi to be rough, so he’s just casually changing out of shirt.

* Iwaizumi is just over there sporting a brilliant blush, and he can’t even speak because Mattsun and Makki are still screaming.

* Then Oikawa walks in.

* And all goes to hell.

* “IWA-CHAN!!! IS THAT—“

* Now Oikawa is screaming, and the next thing Iwaizumi knows is that he’s being pulled into a hug.

* “Iwa-chan! I didn’t know you were like that, it’s alright, i support you!”

* SUPPORT WHAT?????

* Bc of Oikawa, Iwaizumi snaps back to his senses, and he’s landing a clean hit on Oikawa’s back.

* “Not another word,” he’s grumbling, and the locker room falls silent, because no one wants to incure the wrath of Iwaizumi Hajime.

* Meanwhile you’re outside waiting for him to come out and then walk home with him.

* When the team comes out, everyone’s staring at you with this glint in their eyes, and you’re kinda scared LOLOLOL

* Lmao Kindaichi’s blushing the moment he meets your eyes.

* Then the Seijoh third years come running to you.

* “(Y/N)! YOU POOR THING, GETTING RAVAGED BY THIS RASCAL!!!”

* You’re so confused at first, but when it clicks in, you’re blushing the same shade as Iwaizumi did.

* Bonus:

* “Wow, (Y/N), your blush is the same shade as Iwa-chan’s just now!”

* “TRASHYKAWA IF YOU DONT SHUT UP—“

Goshiki:

* OH THIS PURE SWEET BOY

* Tbh i actually think he’s a huge subby, the most he’ll do is probably power bottom you.

* SO ANYWAY

* Goshiki’s casually taking off his shirt after practice one day.

* He’s also trying his best not to look at Ushijima’s abs AHAHAHA

* Then he hears Tendou’s laugh burst into the air.

* And he’s like ????

* “GOSHIKI!!! I never knew you were that type,” he feels a light tap on his back, and when he feels the sting, he remembers the scratches that you left.

* !!!!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

* But his team claps for him LMAOOOO

* Tendou’s the first to clap, followed by Semi and then the rest.

* Ushijima’s the last bc that pure boy does not know what’s going on until Semi tells him LOL

* For the first time, Shirabu has not looked at Goshiki with disdain, and instead looks SLIGHTLY impressed.

* Reon looks so SHOOK, his face is the shocked pikachu meme.

* Goshiki’s so embarrassed, that poor thing, but Tendou’s so HAPPY FOR THAT BOY.

* Tendou’s praising him to no end LMAOOO and tbh Goshiki likes getting the praise.

* Goshiki’s just smiling and shuffling his feet when the praises flood out from Tendou’s mouth, and when he sees Ushijima give him an approving nod????

* MAN HES SO HAPPY.

* SEE THAT?? USHIJIMA??? I GOT SCRATCHES ON MY BACK AND YOU DIDNT!!!!!

* And when the team comes out all changed and sees you wave at Goshiki from the benches, Tendou’s shooting you a grin.

* You’re so confused, Tendou’s grin doesn’t look like his normal ones.

* Then he’s skipping to you and asking you,” did you use protection?”

* EIRIFIFIIFRIRIEJW YOU WANT TO DIE.

* Bonus:

* “(Y/N), lets do it again.”

* “Do what again?”

* “SCRATCH ME (Y/N)!!!!!!”

* “EH?”

LMAO hi anon i had fun writing this but i’m not sure whether i got goshiki’s character right!!!! but thank you for requesting this i hope you like it!!!!

[absolutehysteria]

Could I request headcanons of Rufus as a father?

OOF. I’ve been waiting for this particular request to crop up. Why? I don’t know. It just felt inevitable. 

BUT HERE WE ARE. So, thanks anonymous. This one has taken me the longest to respond LOL. I had a million thoughts and takes and I really had to narrow it down. It’s been a lot of fun to think about. 

I think Rufus would make a perfectly fine father. Would he be fine? Yes. Would he be perfect? No. But would he be perfectly fine? Damn straight. 

Obviously, he doesn’t want to end up anything like his father. That can go without saying. 

Rufus knows what the right thing to do is. He has a responsibility. He’s not gonna run and hide. He knows what’s expected of him and with like everything else in his life, he’s not going to half-ass it. He’s gonna full-ass it. 

That dude is gonna show up and show out. That kid is gonna know what it feels like to have a father that loves it. That kid is gonna know what it feels like to get praise and encouragement. Rufus will fucking beam with pride whenever his kid has a suggestion or is curious about something. He will happily show and explain everything he knows about whatever topic is brought up. 

That’s not to mean he’s just gonna dote on the kid and spoil ‘em. While that kid will want for nothing, Rufus knows the importance of learning valuable life lessons as well. He’ll let his kid make mistakes, get hurt, betrayed, have their heart broken, but he’s never gonna make them feel like a loser for it. He’ll just teach them how to bounce back and be better. 

I can see Rufus having very high expectations and while he means well, I can see it being a detriment to their relationship. He just wants the best for his kid, but it’ll backfire. His kid will end up like he did, constantly seeking their father’s approval and feel like anything they do is never good enough. So he needs to be careful with that. 

Fortunately, Rufus pays lots of attention and is very self-reflective. He’ll catch himself doing something his father always did and it’ll hit him. “Shit. I am my father’s son.” He’ll take a step back and realize he’s trying too hard. He’ll realize he needs to give himself, and his kid, a break.

The same way he acknowledges that his resentment towards his father caused him to make mistakes and fail: 

“…it had struck him that he had always been seeking his father’s approval, trying desperately to surpass the old man. But he’d gone about it all the wrong way, with petty acts of rebellion and disloyalty that incurred his father’s wrath rather than respect.”

Except, Rufus never stood a chance. He was never going to impress his father or win his approval.

Rufus’ father is calling him a loser at the age of five. He goes through with building an escape route and labeling everything “L” just to maybe get a chance to taunt Rufus later in life. There was no guarantee Rufus would ever use that escape route. He could have easily never known it existed. It could have all been a waste but his father did it anyway. Just to get in all the jabs at him he could. HE’S ONLY FIVE YEARS OLD. Can you imagine what other bullshit he put Rufus through as a kid?

Ugh. I just. UGH. What a despicable human being. I wish I could give Rufus a freakin’ hug. 

Speaking of hugs and affection, I can see Rufus struggling with this. He wasn’t shown much of it growing up so he’ll have a hard time showing it towards his kid. He didn’t have very good examples on how to show affection. He’ll compensate with gifts and money. (Which is also something his dad did, fyi) He needs to be careful of this, too. 

See what I mean by how he might wind up doing similar things as his dad? Yeeeeeah.

Also, let’s imagine Rufus ends up with a really awesome S/O that will be a great parent as well and won’t be afraid to call out Rufus when he’s being too tough on the kid. Or to even point out “Maybe you’re being too much like you’re father.” But they’ll need to be careful doing that LOL.

And you can guaran-damn-tee that Rufus will make it a point to be home every night to be with his kid. Of course, there will always be the occasional meeting that runs late or a deadline to crunch or a business trip; but, even if he gets home late, he’ll sneak in there to say goodnight. Even while his S/O is whisper-yelling at him that he’ll just wake them up.

He would encourage his kid to ask questions, offer ideas. I could see Rufus just looking over all of a sudden and asking “What do you think of this?” and his kid just stares at him while eating some fruit snacks. Rufus just smiles and ruffles their hair. 

When his kid asks a question, he gives his full attention and will happily explain anything and everything. I get the impression Rufus likes to talk so even if it’s just his kid showing interest, he’ll talk his ear off. I can see the kid getting annoyed and going “Ugh, okay dad. I get it.” And again, Rufus will just laugh. 

I also imagine Rufus taking his kid with him to the gun range. That’s their favorite activity together. That kid is gonna be an excellent marksperson just like their daddy. Hee hee Can you just imagine Rufus handing them their first gun, going over all of the safety do’s and don’t’s, letting them get comfortable holding it. Then showing them the proper stance, how to aim, correcting their grip, and placing his hand on their back to steady them from the recoil. One day, his kid finally hits a bullseye. He watches them be over the moon and going “Look, daddy! Look! Did you see?!” And Rufus just smiles and goes “Yeah, I saw. Good job.” And winks at them. 

UGH. I die of cute. 

[mrsmarymorstan]

I like what katsuya and shigure and Kureno bring to the story. I don’t necessarily like them and obviously and certainly wouldn’t in real life. But I feel weird expressing anything positive about these characters when it’s clear all the big blogs in the fandom like yourself don’t like them very much. They’re fictional characters but it’s starting to feel like the katsuya discourse is almost..:too much? If that makes sense? He’s obviously sucky, but what he represents for the kyoko and tohru backstories is what I like.

Is there any way to engage in the fandom while talking positively (or even just with nuance) about these three characters without incurring fandom wrath? I’m nervous even sending this, I don’t want to get attacked by anyone thinking I support their actions 😅😅😅

So first up, here is some advice from someone who has been on this Hell Site for 10 years. (I checked... my first post was 6th June 2011 god help us...) "Big Blogs" are just people with time on their hands and a lot to say. This means you should never feel any remorse in blocking them in the same way you'd cross the street to avoid a preacher. Regular and liberal use of the block button is encouraged.

Same goes for Blacklists! I have pretty much every single variation upon "I hate Kagura" blacklisted because I really hate the lack of nuance in that discussion. But people area allowed to have it! The clowns will perform their circus acts, it is my fault for looking. And if you ask someone to tag and they don't? BLOCK 'EM! Blacklist 'em! Banish them from your sight! I have done this SO MUCH.

It's why I always tag my wank, and try not to get too involved with anything related to Kureno and Katsuya beyond finding it hilarious that Katusya has been "censored." The narrative does present him as being positive, and he does have qualities that are important to Kyoko... I just think he should have been U18 when they met. I mean, my favourite scene in the entire manga is all the stuff about Kyoko's suicide attempt and that can't exist without Katsuya!

Also I was "meh" on Kureno and then Ian Sinclair was incredible? And made me care about him so I am very much in a process of finding my own nuance on that one lol

I also love dunking on Shigure but in the same way that Takaya-sensei does throughout Musketeers and Another. He is a garbage man, but he is right about an awful lot of things! He is the garbage boss.

If you wanna write about these things, then disclaimers before subject heading help too, but be aware that people have strong opinions on these things and be ready with that block button should it get out of hand!

So yeeeeeeeah. That's my advice! Curate your feed as best you can, if people are dicks then block them. Find spaces where nuance discussion is available, but maybe don't expect that from Tumblr? Even if it does now have a very comprehensive blacklist system that I wish TikTok had.....

[asknarashikari]

“I also wanted to add Mei in, but I couldn’t quite fit her in the story I wanted to tell here. But eventually she joins in too. Maybe when they get back to the Northern Base Mei does a slap-slap-kiss to him lol (the two slaps for being stupid and making her worry and the kiss for obvious reasons)” Minific of that please plus Kento joining the polycule

Well... this got long again lmao

SLAP!

Kento gasped, his cheek stinging as he turned to the furious woman before him. He gingerly raised a hand to the spot she had slapped, shocked not only because she did it at all, but also because it actually hurt quite a bit. Who knew such a tiny woman had so much arm strength...?

“That was for being the biggest idiot on the planet!” Mei yelled at him, raising her hand for another slap. She hit him across the face again. “And that was worrying all of us sick this entire time!” she cried out, sounding frustrated and on the verge of tears.

Kento stared wide-eyed at her, still holding his reddened cheek, not knowing how to react to the accusations without incurring her wrath once more. 

“Mei!” Kento heard Touma scold. “What are you doing?!”

“Mei, please calm yourself-” Rintaro tried to placate, trying to hold Mei’s hand back. 

She managed to wrench herself free from the Swordsman of Water and raised her hand again. Kento flinched, trying to prepare himself for the hardest slap yet-

But his eyes snapped open when he felt the hand gently caress his cheek, followed by a gentle kiss on the very cheek he was smacked on. His mouth dropped open as he heard Rintaro and Touma stammering incoherently, probably as surprised as he was at this turn of events.

“W-What... What was that for...?” Kento managed to get his wits together long enough to say, his cheeks burning for a whole other reason now.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Mei smiled at him with watery eyes. “It’s because I love you, you idiot swordsman,” she said, then wrapped her arms around his torso. 

“I...” He helplessly looked at his two other friends, still utterly lost. “I don’t understand what’s happening...”

Mei drew back and looked at the other two. “Didn’t you two tell him?” she asked them, her eyes narrowing.

“Well... in not so many words...” Touma admitted, laughing awkwardly.

Mei rolled her eyes. “Boys,” she said, almost to herself, then turned to Kento. “Long story short is that we are all in love with you and we would very much like you to join us in our relationship, if you feel the same way about us, of course.”

Kento stared at her, unable to comprehend what she just said. “What?” he asked, dumbfounded. “What do you mean... you all like me? And join your relationship?” 

“We’re well past the point of just liking you, Kento, I think Touma and I made that pretty clear earlier,” Rintaro pointed out helpfully. 

Kento flustered, remembering Rintaro addressing him as love unashamedly in front of Touma. “And... the relationship bit...?”

“Oh, well... see, we’re kind of all dating each other?” Touma nervously laughed as Kento stared boggle-eyed at him. “It’s been a while now... but yeah, we’re a thing.” 

“And now, we want to be a thing with you too,” Mei said. “Of course, only if you want to be with us. We won’t force you into anything you don’t want,” she added hastily.

Kento blinked as he tried to process all the information he’d just received in the last few seconds. His childhood friend, his editor and his former colleague were all in a relationship with each other. They all just admitted to being in love with him as well. And they want him to join their polycule.

Oh god they want him to be part of their polycule. 

He, of course, had long accepted that he had an attraction to all of them, that only deepened into love over the short time he had with them (and even in the time he was apart from them). But... he never anticipated that they would all feel the same... and not even in his wildest dreams did he think that he could have a chance with them at the same time. 

He started the day thinking it was the day he was going to die for real... and here he was toying with the idea of a foursome. 

Kento couldn’t help but feel a bit faint. 

“Um... I... Uh...” He was reduced to a stuttering mess as he realized what- and who- exactly he was getting into. He felt his cheeks erupt into an even more furious blush. “A-Alright...” he said, in a tiny, meek voice.

“Is that a yes? Please tell me that’s a yes,” Mei pleaded, looking up at him.

Kento couldn’t bring himself to say anything more, so he just nodded. Mei squealed and threw herself on him again, nearly knocking the wind out of him. Rintaro and Touma let out twin sighs of relief, before they too leapt onto him.

“Hey, slow down, you’re gonna make us fall-!” They fell over like a house of cards as the other three smothered Kento in a tight embrace, laughing merrily. 

Kento sighed, giving in as he too started giggling, feeling lighter than ever before. Even though he didn’t say it, he knew the others knew what he felt.

Thank you... and I love you too.

[usagichanp]

lexthan

*rubs hands together* I was hoping someone would ask me that

This is gonna be a long one folks.

General:

Rate the Ship -  

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Life long partners, babey.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think they had crushes on each other for a while. They didn't officially say "I love you" till a few months into their relationship, but they thought it sooner.

How was their first kiss? - I wrote a lesbian Lexthan version of their first kiss, though I don't think canon Lexthan's first kiss was like that. I imagine it to be not really planned out; just like they're talking to each other in the car and lock eyes, then slowly lean in and kiss. Since they've had kisses before, it's not a catastrophe, and it's actually fairly soft.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Ethan. Wrote a whole ass fic about it.

Who is the best man/men? - I know who the best man is in my fics (it's my man Marsh, for those who have read it), but idk about the canon Ethan's best man. Maybe Danny (the Smoke Club Boy) but I'm not sure if they'd be friends enough to be his best man. He might not have one.

Who is the bride's maid? - Hannah. Duh.

Who did the most planning? - Ethan, but Lex chipped in too. Tom might help as well if asked lol

Who stressed the most? - Ethan. Though their ceremony isn't big, he still wanted it to be a good memory down the road (it was)

How fancy was the ceremony? -

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

First they had just a courthouse wedding where they signed the papers, then had a tiny wedding ceremony with only close friends. Even if they could afford a proper wedding (Canon Lexthan prolly couldn't afford it) I don't think they'd want a big affair anyways. It's be exhausting.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Lex's mom. Obviously.

Sex:

Now we're getting to the good part lads

Who is on top? - Ethan is a fucking switch. You can't convince me otherwise. He tops maybe like... 60/40 or 65/35. But when Lex tops, she tops bitch.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Ethan likes instigating things since he's a horny teenage boy, but it Lex doesn't want to, he stops. Sometimes Lex instigates, but usually when she does she's in the mood to top.

How healthy is their sex life? -

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

I'd give it a 7.5, depending on the situation. While they try to tone it down around Hannah, when they have alone time they'd totally go for it. Ethan's glovebox in his car has a box of condoms in it at all times. What can I say, as I said before, they're horny teenagers

How kinky are they? -

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

They don't like seeing each other hurt so they wouldn't like BDSM. They're not vanilla but nothing too crazy- blindfolding, light bondage (aka tying hands up with rope or cloth), scratching, light spanking, pegging

How long do they usually last? - It depends on how much time they have to have sex. They've done quickies in bathrooms or whatever before, but if they have all night then they're pretty good at prolonging it.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Absolutely. It is said in multiple fics (I think?) of mine that Ethan makes sure Lex has the same amount of orgasms as he does. Always.

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

They certainly can have slow, soft, romantic sex, but Ethan is also 100% capable of rocking Lex's world so hard she can't walk right for a week. (That happens in my first fic, Cassieopia, albeit off screen)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

1) I fucking love that metaphor 2) They don't get much physical affection at home, so they fucking love snuggling and cuddling- whether it be after sex or just hanging out. Sometimes they cuddle as a form of stress relief after a shitty day.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 2, maybe 3.

How many children will they adopt? - I think they might prefer to have children naturally, but in my California series they gain custody of Hannah when she's 12. Does that count?

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Lex forces Ethan to learn how to change diapers. That being said, Lex isn't half bad at changing them either, since she helped change Hannah's when she was a child.

Who is the stricter parent? - They're not exactly strict parents, but both Lex and Ethan can definitely scold the kid. ("hAnNaH! tHaT bEtTeR bE fUcKiNg fLoSs!!!!!") That being said, both take care to not be abusive to their child, especially Lex. She doesn't want to be like her mom, so she tries to keep her temper in check.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Ethan has good reflexes, and has stopped his kids from falling and hitting their chin on a playground structure more than once. (Fun fact! That happened to me when I was 3. I fell from a steel elephant shaped jungle gym at a German zoo, hit my chin on a steel bar, and bit through my lower lip/knocked 3 teeth out. I still have the scar years later lol)

Who remembers to pack their lunches? - Lex. Though the lunches aren't always the healthiest.

Who is the more loved parent? - I think they're both loved, but maaaaaybe Ethan a bit more.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Neither would attend PTA meetings out of the goodness of their hearts. If Lex or Ethan would go to a PTA meeting, it'd most likely be because they wanted to yell at a teacher or principal. They might go seperately or together depending on the severity of the issue.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Ethan wouldn't admit he cried, but he did. So did Lex.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Oh bitch, Lex and Ethan both said fuck the law. If it was just like, an overnight jail cell for some stupid misdemeanor, they might try to break their kid out. Otherwise, Lex would probably the one paying the bail because Ethan would try to punch the cop in the face if the cop talked shit about Ethan's kid. That reaction is not exclusive to cops.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Neither of them are exactly 5 star chefs, but they can hold on their own. Lex is better at cooking breakfast and Ethan is better at cooking dinner- but if he's exhuasted from work, Lex can cook dinner for him.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Neither are picky. Both of them grew up young scrappy and hungry just like their country without really the chance to be picky. They had to take what they could get.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Lex. She's good at calculating totals in her head. I wrote that in an unrealeased fic.

How often do they bake desserts? - Rather rarely. Perhaps on special occasions or to bond. Ethan has ruined the kitchen with his kid trying to bake a cake for Lex at least once. Maybe more.

Are they more of a meat lover or salad lover? - Meat lovers, babey. Fuck that fancy plant bullshit.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Ethan. I wrote that in the proposal fic.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Depends on what you count as "going out". Lex likes going to McDonalds, but Ethan is the one who suggests eating at actual restaurants.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Ethan, but both have had near misses.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both had fairly messy rooms as teenagers so they're not super anal about having sparkling clean rooms. That being said, when someone comes over Lex does try to tidy the place up a bit. At least enough to make it seem like they have their shit together. Ish.

Who is really against chores? - Ethan can be a bit of a lazy bones sometimes, but Lex isn't exactly a huge fan of chores either. However, she is used to doing chores since she practically raised herself and Hannah.

Who cleans up after the pets? - They take turns. Both hate it.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Ethan, because he doesn't want to incur Lex's wrath.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Lex. As I said above, she actually actively cleans the house beforehand. Not to the level of that freaking out mom from the comedy video who's name I can't remember tho.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Ethan. He has a nack for finding random bits of money. Score.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Lex, though both take relatively quick showers to save water.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They actually like doing it together. It's nice to get some fresh air, and they enjoy each other's company.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Ethan goes over the top, partially to annoy Lex. You know that Christmas tree Chris Pine vine? Yeah, Ethan would fucking do that.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Live a better life together than they did in Hatchetfield. White picket fence and California dreams shit.

Who is more likely to sleep till noon? - Ethan, but Lex is known to sleep till 3 in the afternoon if she's really tired.

Who plays the most pranks? - Ethan. That's literally canon.

I can babble about them all day lol

[charleskenjibenningfield]

Minibang Hype!

Hey I’m taking part in @do-it-with-style-events​ with a fic I thought it was going to be just around at the minimum amount of words allowed but I went and got it little over 10k words lol 

This is an AU where Crowley is from a world where there is no angel Aziraphale. Instead his friend for 6000 years is the angel Anathema. Together they go through different worlds until they find a world where there is only the angel Aziraphale with the demon Newt as his friend for 6000 years. 

Written by: @waylonjenningslittlefield​ 

Art by: @conniekottmannart​

Excerpt:

Anathema facepalmed, then she removed her hand and rolled her eyes towards the clear blue sky as she crossed her arms against her chest. She was just about to open the portal for them to leave when Crowley told her to hang on a sec. He turned around, head tilted up, fists clenched and he started to lay it on thick in the direction of whatever unfortunate version of Heaven this world was saddled with. 

(They were in a park somewhere in London. Though this London was noticeably smaller in size compared to the versions they were used to. It was more of a village here which was interesting in and itself.)

Just how many times was Crowley going to take the chance to berate and rip apart other counterparts of the Archangels and the Almighty? Not that she was against it. She would, in fact, join him if not for the reasonable worry that one of them would take offence and suddenly come down to smite him several ways. That or God Herself/Himself coming out to finish him.

Plus it started to get old in a way. Crowley had done this on and off throughout their travels. Still, all the same, she can’t blame him really. 

“You lot are always unjustly unfair aren’t you?! No matter what fucking dimension it’s always the same isn’t it? Always hating questions, always casting out those for the simple crime of wanting to know the fucking reason behind something. What is so fucking wrong about curiosity huh?! What is so fucking sinful and horrible about knowledge! Pustulent bastards all of you!” Crowley ranted as he jabbed a finger up at the atmosphere.

Before he could continue, Crowley suddenly felt a grip on his arm. He immediately turned around and looked down at Anathema. She had an exasperated harden face with an expression that in no doubt conveyed the sentence  ‘I’m with you but shut the fuck up already unless you want us to be barbequed to a crisp.’

“Crowley, let’s just get out of here,” Anathema cautiously whispered, her voice sharp but calm. She wasn’t sure if Crowley caught the attention of someone Upstairs or not already but she really didn’t want to make the assumption that nobody was listening to them whenever Crowley spews blasphemy to the firmament above. 

In their own world sure she wouldn’t be so tensed up and worried that Divine Retribution would rain upon them. But they aren’t in Kansas anymore. Every world they travelled since the first one had been different in some way or another. Even if it was a very, very subtle difference, there was always the need to be just that more alert because there were more ramifications they would have to face as supernatural beings. 

They really shouldn’t incur the wrath of the Almighty and the entire Heavenly Host if they can help it. 

“And what are the chances of that Nat? In every damn version of Earth that we’ve been too they never had the self-awareness to bloody realize they are nothing more than righteous hypocritical tossers,” Crowley turned his head back up to the sky ready to yell as if it was going out of style. The only creatures as if right now that were exposed to his rant were some of the birds flying above, blissfully on their merry way, unaware of the words he weaved together in an aggressive way.

“You hear me?! You’re nothing more than a bunch of cowards!” 

Anathema worriedly looked up as if something was about to happen. Clouds out of thin air, a thunderstorm not too far behind, but nothing out of the ordinary appeared. Just a wide expanse of unchanged blue with the afternoon sun high up in the sky.

Still, they really should leave. They should’ve left five minutes ago. Anathema pulled her hand away from his arm as she looked back at him, her arms resumed the same position as she had them just prior.

“The same amount as the chance they will come down if you keep provoking them. Listen, in case you’ve forgotten we’re in a different universe Crowley,” Anathema said, her voice calm that while there wasn’t a lot of heat, it was just enough to demand the demon’s full unbridled attention. The tone was also softened by the weary, worried look in her deep brown eyes. 

There was a momentary pause as Anathema's gaze darted to the ground. She faced him a second later as she quietly admitted, “And I really don’t want to world hop all by myself.”

Not that she can’t handle herself but being an interdimensional nomad was much more enjoyable with someone like Crowley. 

[fmab-liveblog]

Didn’t Truth/God rip your leg off

Jokes aside, I just went back and checked the dub. Ed says he’s ‘not really the religious type.’ It’s interesting because atheist, agnostic and areligious all have slightly different meanings - atheist typically means ‘there is no god’, agnostic means ‘could be a god, maybe not. I dunno’ and areligious just means ‘not religious’ or ‘not the religious type’. That depends a lot on his definition of religious. I say this because the only thing I had seen of FMAB before I watched it was the funny joke about Ed seeing God and still being an atheist. That’s hilarious and I’m gonna laugh at the joke, but also gonna remember that’s not exactly what he said about himself. 

I realized that Rose is the most anime looking character of all of them. She’s got purple eyes, two tone hair and a unique hairstyle. 

Anyway. It’s nice getting subtitles showing what the writing means lol. Her being sincere here is really important, because that kind of wheedling ‘if you worship just like I do, God will grant your wish!’ comes off as manipulative and kinda shallow otherwise. But no, she’s just desperate and so that makes her rather obsessive and pushy - same with Hughes and his family. Still friggen rude, tho

Projecting much?

But yeah, I didn’t like this section very much because the first overtly religious person in the show is a faith healing bimbo that’s easily manipulated, and also because Ed’s being a gigantic ass by coming into the place where these people worship and then going ‘lol your religion is stupid and you’re stupid for believing it.’ It’s just unpleasant to watch. (Once again, Alphonse can do no wrong lol) 

I’m not sure why Ed’s smirk breaks for a split second. I think it’s ‘People aren’t things’ that gets to him. 

Or maybe he is actually an atheist - or is that more an alchemist thing? I know he can’t go around saying ‘I committed the ultimate taboo and saw Truth’. 

I dunno. These kinds of arguments always annoy me because Rose is clearly regurgitating stuff she’s heard from other people at him and he’s acting all superior. Even if this is actually narratively pretty good - shows the dangers of cults but Ed’s definitely not the good guy either - I see enough of this at work and school lol. 

From here on out, I get the sense that neither Ed or Rose are supposed to be sympathetic. Rose is very dogmatic and ready to damn Ed (or say he’s going to incur Heaven’s wrath), but this line especially is messed up on Ed’s part. It’s a concerning line without the context of the rest of the show, but with it? Yikes. It really shows how much Ed grows throughout the show. 

Another thing that comes up is when they call human transmutation ‘playing god’. I didn’t really get that impression from the boys or later Izumi. They just really, really wanted their loved ones back. I mean Ed’s totally playing god now, but he didn’t when he was little. At least, I don’t think he did. He was too young to really understand what ‘playing god’ meant. Buuuut, that’s one of the running themes of the show. Truth isn’t fair. It just is. 

The Alphonse face of disapproval

Also, Ed’s projecting again lol. Looking at this again, I think part of why he’s being such a jackass is because he’s got all his personal issues wrapped up in this. The Icarus story is a little off... interesting how it went from ‘melted off’ to ‘torn off’. One is way more active than the other, a direct punishment instead of bad planning. Since it’s about the Sun, and this is the Sun God Leto, maybe Ed’s indirectly referencing Truth/God tearing his leg and arm off? And that’s why Alphonse is so uncomfortable, because Ed’s using their shared trauma to make a point and it’s not a very good one. That, or he’s self deprecating and calling himself full of hubris. 

I dunno why Ed played this game if he just wanted Rose to take him to the guy with the philosopher’s stone. “Take me to your leader” would’ve sufficed lol. 

Anyway rough part over! I love the rest of the episode and while I feel that religion is always in a pretty negative light throughout the series, at least it’s respectful from here on out. 

[huds-hub]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; MUN & MUSE - MEME

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

Stolen from @mrfunnybone. Since this meme has a bias for canon muses, I’m tagging two of my favorite canon writers that I know didn’t fill this out yet: @soulcoerced and @spearslinger (I wonder if a fellow Undyne RPer has a different take on some of these questions? ^^;;). For everyone else, feel free to steal it and tag me if you do! I’m curious to see how OC muns answer some of these questions...

MY MUSE IS:   CANON / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [[ The adult version of my muse is canon, but her teenage equivalent is not present anywhere in Undertale / Deltarune. So, uh… canon but kind of complicated I guess??? I like describing my muse as canon-wise. My Deltarune fishies are undoubtedly AUs at most, canon-divergent at least. ]]

[[ Mun’s note: I’m going to cheat on this. For the next 8 questions, I’ll answer for both Undyne as my teen muse AND regular adult canon Undertale Undyne. My thoughts on her counts as something, right? My muse is based on canon! ]]

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK [[ Undyne’s character to the rest of the fandom is unpopular (compared to Sans, Chara, Gaster, etc…). It’s a shame, because her dialogue portraits alone would make great meme fodder. HOWEVER, among Undyne fans, I notice there’s an interest in depicting her early years because she’s one of the few cast members who’s had their childhood explicitly mentioned. ]]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK [[ She’d better not be, because my muse is a  C H I L D. As far as I’ve seen, canon adult Undyne is depicted more often as a ‘badass’ than a ‘sexy fish.’ ]]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK [[ Younger Undyne is definitely interpreted to be a determined, tough kid. Of course it’s the same for adult canon Undyne. It’s basically her most distinct character trait. ]]

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / IDK [[ Lordy, Undyne as a whole is entirely underrated by the fandom... ]]

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO [[ OMG... you’re gonna get me started. I’m marking ‘no’ on this question because this is supposed to be about my aged-down muse. But Undyne... sweet violent Undyne’s very important to Undertale’s story! *fangirling START* Besides being the mid-point antagonist in the game, Undyne adds a layer of the theme of DETERMINATION to the game and how it can manifest in monsters if their bodies are strong enough to handle it. In an allegorical sense, she represents extremism in reaction to oppression and how that passion can take on the form of extreme love or extreme hatred depending on circumstance. So HELL YEAH she’s important to the main story of the game! AAAHILoveThisFish!! *fangirling END* ]]

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [[ Same as the previous answer for my teen Undyne: begrudgingly marking this with a ‘no’... It’s a YES for canon Undyne. In all routes, original game’s Undyne is the first character who is purposefully trying to kill the Player. Players can’t get the best ending without helping her hook up with Alphys and not incurring her wrath by killing any monster. In the worst ending, she’s one of the two antagonists that put up enough of a fight to make any player abort the Genocide Route. ]]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO [[ My muse WANTS to be significant to her world. In the original game, Undyne’s only mentioned by others in Snowdin and Waterfall (not counting Alphys in Hotland). She’s described as a “local hero” by Gerson. I get a sense she’s not exactly famous to the people in the entire Underground compared to, say, Mettaton. ]]

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL [[ Oof. Pretty sure my teen fish annoys the residence of Waterfall for being a loud-mouthed little scamp. The only reason she’s not considered ‘bad’ is because it’s pent-up energy and misguidedness, not flat-out cruelty. In canon, it seems like the people who talk about Undyne do it in either a positive or neutral light. You have Monster Kid, Papyrus, and Onionsan singing her praises. The Royal Guard members respect her. Asgore thought of her well enough to have her lead his military. Uhh, for a neutral instance, I remember an NPC in Snowdin saying she’s “loud, rude, and beats up anybody who gets in her way” (I don’t remember the exact quote). To weigh this more on the side of my muse, I’ll mark this answer as ‘neutral.’ ]]

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON?  [[ Since I have an aged-down character, canon is literally my END GOAL! I gave her a “starting point” on her journey to the determined, dedicated, and excitable warrior fish we all know and love from the game. I filled in the gaps from there, using parts of her past mentioned in the game to glue the headcanons together. Deciding what she was like when she was younger – What’s her family background? What aspects about her changed as she matures? What internal and external conflicts would she deal with as a teen? – THAT’S the non-canon part. My Deltarune AUs are… different. Canon is my end goal too, but the timelines are all wonky to fit the needs of wanting to interact with the Fun Gang. LOL ]]

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS.   [[ This kid is spunky, loyal, compassionate of the plight of her people, and will see through anything she sets her mind to, despite life’s barriers. She’s got a lot of pent-up energy and is searching for what she can do with it to help her achieve her goal of setting Monsterkind free! ]]

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?).  [[ The teen fishy has a streak of selfishness and short-sightedness. Being honest, Undyne would be a racial supremacist if she existed in real life. Big yikes. Also, she’s willingly being trained as a child soldier. Another big yikes right there. ]]

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE?   [[ Ages ago, I RPed the adult version of Undyne, which resulted in a bunch of headcanons for her past. I had no desire to RP any of them after it ended. A year later, I commissioned an artist for a Gerson vs. teen Undyne piece. That single-handedly made me want to get back into RPing again. ]]

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING?   [[ My fellow RPers wanting to interact with this silly fishy! When I first started, I expected my interest to peter out over the months. I didn’t expect many RPers wanting to interact with an aged-down character. But here I am, wanting to expand my headcanons further and making AUs so I’m not limited to canon. ^^ It’s all thanks to you guys!! ]]

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO?

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO / SORT OF?     [[ I should do it more often TBH. But I find showing them via story-telling more fulfilling than just explicitly explaining them in posts. Plus, it gives me more leeway if I’m still playing around with an idea. ;) ]]

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO  [[ I’m not counting the three pending drabbles until I finish them. ^^;; ]]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [[ She finds a way to bother me! Usually in the form of sudden inspiration for how to respond to RPs. ]]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ Sometimes I wonder if I forgot some aspect about Undyne that’s in canon, or unintentionally exaggerating other less-important aspects of her other characteristics… ]]

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / SORT OF? [[ Generally, yes. But I do have my days when I suffer from low self-confidence. ]]

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. / SORT OF? [[ It depends on what’s meant by that. I’m sensitive to other people’s feelings, so I don’t intend to sound rude OOC, even if I’m expressing something negative about something I think the other did. If this is referring to being sensitive about events in RPs… my sensitivity is equivalent to that of being invested in any work of fiction. I know it’s not reality. I can pull away from the fictional world and it won’t bring down my real life. ]]

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL?   [[ If it’s given in good faith and is constructive, sure. ]]

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER?   [[ Hell yeah, give them to me! ]]

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?  [[ It depends if they want to tell me. I don’t mind either way. Personally, I like hearing other people’s interpretations! ]]

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT?   [[ *shrug* It doesn’t matter as long as they don’t harass me. ]]

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT?   [[ I’d just ignore it. They don’t need to interact or follow me. If my muse really is a bother to them, they can block my account. ]]

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS?   [[ I hope my grammar’s good enough, or else my English degree studies went to waste! But yeah, sure. Fun fact: explaining grammar rules so people can avoid major errors in the future is more helpful than nit-picking insignificant errors without explanations. ]]

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN?   [[ As long as fellow RPers aren’t being rude OOC, don’t break any serious rules, or do something that I mention are personal triggers to me, I am easy-going! RPing is fun and it should stay that way for everybody involved! ]]

[hozukitofu]

the kids are doing espionage

He would like to preface everything by a singly stated -

It was Qing's idea.

He is only a simple tech boy, a robotic engineering undergrad, someone who just wants to corrupt enough of the capitalistic system and its funds to fund his recycling robot, to delete the littering problems around campus.

The facts that he happens to know like one bad form of martial arts and by virtue of being a robotics student, great with tools and improvised weapon creation, are irrelevant. Besides the point.

But Qing is deep down, within that core of his questionably existing heart, an opportunist - an investor of assets. She sees potential, she invests in it. That's always how it goes.

Zizhen is eating, simply existing, thinking about robots and redeeming himself at a round of chess with uncle Shao when Qing barges into his absolutely mundane life, waving a USB stick in front of his nose, crowing about how she cracked the capitalism code.

Normally he would care.

"That's great, cool, jie, but -" he doesn't even have time to bat the excited blonde away before a proposition is coerced into his food.

"You! Wanna be an anti-government agent?"

Zizhen almost drops his fork.

"I'm sorry," he blinks, not even bothering with his food any longer because his appetite had taken a nose dive out the processing plants by the back of the college. "What. Did you just say?"

Qing was going to elaborate, but he doesn't let her.

"No, it was rhetorical - jie! I'm not becoming your agent for hire! I'm too soft for killing people!" He denies, vehemently, because look at him! He wears clothes that have to oblige by fluffy and big standard, and his hair cannot be let loose outside of the house if it isn’t wavy and bouncy. 

Doctor Wei calls him marshmallow unironically, on top of Romantic Guy, with debatable nuances under the friendly moniker because that’s his life goal, to be as soft and sweet as humanly possible. He is only someone who strives to dismantle the system in the ways he clumsily knows how to, but he always goes back to helping people at the end of the day. 

Becoming a hitman for hire is never something he would consider, or ever would. 

Qing badgered and wheedled, bombarded him with the benefits, the sheer overwhelming scale of everything good and pure tipping and burying onto his side of the balancing plates, to which he avoids, like one would, if a pack of mosquitoes with malaria starts heading your way. He had blended into the crowd. Worn disguises to avoid this woman's hawkish eyesight. Climbed out a window to avoid persecution and inevitable screeching. Legitimately broke into a dead sprint across the canteen as soon as he spotted Song-Xiao Qing looking for him.

One of these days she will catch up to him, and she will skin him alive, but not today. He weaves around busy college students arriving and leaving their lecture halls, his long arms tucked closely to his chest so that nobody snags them off him. It is a laborious chase that she incurred onto his person, and he dreads the reality where she finally hacks into a computer somewhere and puts a tracker onto him so that she can be two steps ahead of him and then she can beat him into the ground on the basis of him avoiding her like she will personally break all of his robots inside and out.

"Ouyang Zizhen!" He hears a death roar, and runs faster.

Gotta put that threefold authentication code into all of his login devices so that the two steps pre-planning stage doesn't happen. Yes. But run first.

-

He’s fallen asleep across a horizontal surface - he’s pretty sure that this is the first horizontal surface his eyes park on and his brain immediately decreed that We’re napping. Now. ASAP pronto LOL.

He comes back to the world of living when he is toed awake by a person, voice vaguely threatening and familiar to his ears -

“Ouyang. Ouyang.”

“Noo,” he whines, thinking it to be his father. “Dad I have the day off.”

“Zizhen. You will wake up or I will walk all over your face. Your choice, sweet guy.”

He sits up, immediately awake.

Look, he’s a coward. He has high sensors in-built to detect approaching danger to his person. It’s how he made it beyond high school to go where he does now. It’s nothing to be proud of - surviving, just barely, in this cutthroat world is a goddamn miracle, if he has to say so himself. So what if he’s a coward. He’s still alive. That’s what matters.

Also he has a feeling that if he had keep on sleeping, he will open his eyes in the next life, as a bug. Because he had been horrifically murdered in this life and that death was so bad that a bug’s body is the only viable and painless reincarnation the gods deem fitting for little poor him.

“I’m up,” he wheezes, vertigo slamming onto his head. “I’m physically with you but my brain had just taken a holiday. Please allow it some time to return.”

“I don’t need your brain for this,” Qing beams at him, mouth spreading in a Joker-ish feral look. “I’ve got a favour to ask.”

I’ve got a favour to ask sounds exactly like those questions that ask you for something but if you deny, you will die on sight. 

The way his upperclassman is smiling at him gives him all the answers he has. 

“What,” he grouses, mouth twisting, pulling his hoodie even more over his forehead and eyes, covering the majority of his freckles. They’re still here despite the lack of hours he spends in active avoidance of the sun and the majority of this goddamn school hates the sight of freckles like they’re something contagious so his instincts mostly had been ‘cover up’.

“Someone took something from me and I need a boy to get it back for Yours Truly,” she smiles, still feral and not the least friendly.

He squints suspiciously at her. “Why a boy. Is this hard even for you, lawbreaker extraordinaire?”

“I need a boy, you stupid robot builder,” she rolls her eyes, throwing a hairband onto the table in front of him. “Because someone from Gusu took my things and on virtue of me being a woman, I can’t enter without the security shooting me on sight.”

He groans out loud and slumps even further onto the table, hoping to become one with the recycled plastic. 

“I don’t even go there. They’ll shoot me on sight too. They have stun guns -”

She cuts him up, retying her space buns. He lets out a huff of hysterical air and rethinks back to every wrong decision he had ever taken in this life. 

“Which they’re not allowed to use on trespassers, chill. Listen, how you get it isn’t my problem. Get me the thing and I’ll squander all the favours you owe me.”

This sparks his interest. A-Qing is stingy. The stingiest person he has the misfortune of ever running across. She studies economics. She lives on cash alone. Just. Cash. She hoards money and favours and then harvests them like produce of her questionable farm.

Ouyang Zizhen owes Qing a lot of money for the completion of his robotics projects and the launch of his career as a junior lab assistant to the research team of the mechanical engineering department. She did all that, knowing that her investments were wise, and she constantly lords the favour over his head.

It sounds great, to get rid of one Song-Xiao Qing infinitely, but he can’t help but wonder if the catch, beyond You’ll die if you trespass Gusu like the absolute moron that you are. This sounds like it’s much more than just a suicide run. It sounds more like...a test? Of sorts? 

“All the favours?” He looks up, hood slipping, his freckles all in glorious sight and judging his upperclassman. “Are you sure?”

Qing-jie grins at him, looking every bit like the crook she is. “Are you?” 

“Heck, yes, why do you even ask. But I feel like you’re betting too much on this. How do you know if I’ll come back for you to squander all your favours for me? Seems fishy.”

“You’ll come back,” she waves him away. “I wouldn’t swear on it if I’m not sure. So, what of it, marshmallow? You want in?”

He can’t say no anyways. “You know I can’t say no,” he scowls, and refuses to shake her hand. “If I don’t come back, tell my father to take all my robots. And burn me paper money.”

Qing cackles right at his face. “You’re exaggerating, kid. It’ll be fine. I swear on it.”

“Your words are all lies anyways! Shut up!”

-

Research on how to get into Gusu? Actually kinda fun.

Actually sneaking into Gusu unscathed? Less fun. Bordering on traumatic.

Technically he knows the blueprints. Technically he knows that the scanning gates at the southern entry can fit an entire person if they just, like, lie down and limbo through the gaps of the plastic closing gates. Technically eight twenty-seven in the night is the time gap that he can safely limbo through without getting zapped by a stun gun. Technically from here he can just jog to the international student’s dorm and scale to the second floor, open the window fourth from the right, slide in, get the thing from under the desk, get out the way he did before, go home, change his name, get plastic surgery, genetically rewrite his fingerprints and DNA makeup, move back to Baling, call it quits.

Technically he knows all of this, but he had just slid through a scanning gate and his heart is trying to punch out of his own ribs. He’s wheezing as if he climbed up a mountain twice for no reason at all. None of this makes sense. Why is he here. He should go home. There’s still time. Father will be tired and disappointed but when is he not. 

No, his brain, traitorous, but also wanting to get rid of the human leech Song-Xiao Qing, mutters. No we will get back that bundle for Her Highness and then leave her presence indefinitely. That’s what we’ll do. 

He swings his feet, nothing short of Spiderman, into the intended room, huffing as it wastes him no effort. 

Too easy. Smells exactly like a trap.

It’s nearly curfew, except that people haven’t been rushing back through the easy way in, because he saw people coming out and they pretended to not see him as he came in. Are they stupid. Are they not going to come back for roll call and suffer the wrath of Lan Qiren? Or worse, He Who Must Not Be Named.

He reaches for the bundle, stuffs it under his hoodie, and prepares for take off, when a door swing open and someone walks in, without turning the lights on. 

His danger alarms not only went off, but into overtime and exhaustive underpaid labour. 

“Ouyang?” He hears, hissed in the dark. 

He should have covered his face, because wow he didn’t think he was that popular outside of his own robotics class for setting off that fire alarm back in first year. But. He is digressing from this imminent danger! This voice. That sounds distinctly similar.

“Do we know each other?” He hisses, crouching back in a Spongebob stance, eyes narrowed at the boy in the cats-covered face mask. He can’t make a run for it here but he can try for the knee caps. 

“Yes. Oh my god, yes,” the person pulls his face mask down and lo and behold, it’s -

“Lan? Lan Jingyi?” He gapes, while sidestepping a stray tennis ball lobbing at his head. “Why are you here?” 

Jingyi shoots back at him - “I go here. Why are you here?”

He throws up one hand, the other preoccupied with the bundle - “Qing-jie!”

“Bad answer, but expected,” Jingyi tuts his tongue, and shoves him out of the way. “You don’t seem the type to engage in trespass and theft.”

“Ha ha, pot calling the kettle black,” he sneers back, tracing back his steps. “Why are you here here. I know you go here, but this isn’t your room. Or anyone else’s room that you are affiliated with. It’s the international student wing. You never answered my question.”

He would not receive any answers because there are footsteps, grave and reverent footsteps, that bring pandemonium outside the corridor and Jingyi, not even thinking twice, shoves him into a wardrobe, finger on his lips.

“Quiet,” the boy hisses. “And when he’s gone, you can scram.”

Zizhen thinks that is the end of it, but somehow his bundle! Had gone missing from under his hoodie! When! And how!

“Lan, give that back!” He hisses, almost lunging and falling out of the closet. Jingyi shushes him even louder, forcing the doors to close in on his nose and shoes.

He grabs onto a wrist, clinging onto the arm stubbornly. Jingyi jostles his shoulder violently like he’s got himself a human-sized limpet that won’t let go and he elects to kicking it back to the depth of the closet, telling him to ‘stay put, come on, don’t make this harder for us’.

Zizhen is shoved back into the darkness of a small enclosed space with hangers falling onto his head and clothes dropping onto his shoulders. The tracking sticker he placed on his fingertip had migrated from him to the inside of Lan Jingyi’s hoodie. Now he waits.

There is a polite knock - because that’s Lans for you, polite even in walking and knocking. 

Jingyi answers the door with a soft - “Hello, uncle.”

For a moment Zizhen thought he actually screwed up and somehow stumbled head first into Lan Qiren of all people on the night he attempted trespass and theft, but he listens some more, waiting for the dulcet tones of disapproval that the Lan Headmaster is so famed for dishing out at his relatives slash pupils.

“Jingyi,” he hears, and. Well.

This is worse than Lan Qiren. Somehow he had messed up even worse than Lan Qiren.

Lan Wangji, the Hanguang-Jun, is in the same room as him. The professor reliable for dishing out punishments at Gusu. The resting disappointed man. Doctor Wei’s long-term crush and object of pursuit. He’s caught. He’s gone. They’re going to string his corpse like a disappointing sight from here so that all across the country, people can see what happens when idiot college boys who sneak into prestigious Gusu get as a punishment. 

He is suddenly religious. He asks for protection from the Buddha to the corner ghost to the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. 

“I suggest you return to your own dorm,” Lan Wangji gravely - and flatly - informs Lan Jingyi. “Unless you want to introduce me to your friend?”

Lan Jingyi, for someone doing a theatre degree, is woefully awful at lying. He starts laughing hysterically and like a bloody hyena under noise suppression and the target of at least twenty stun guns and he’s lost all sense of control so now his fight or flight response is to laugh. 

Ouyang Zizhen regrets not leaving his father with a dying letter. It’ll be awful and humiliating to find him as a human flag on the top of Gusu’s flagpole. 

“What friend, Uncle Wangji? It’s only me here!” Jingyi hacks out hysterically, as footsteps start heading his way, purposeful and brisk.

There goes living through tonight then. 

“Hmn, what’s in the closet, Jingyi?” Hanguang-Jun asks, as the doors of the wardrobe rattle and -

promptly stop. 

Jingyi, because he’s panicking and somehow is still the greatest and most shocking improvised line under possibly murderous circumstances, blurts out, completely and utterly from nowhere.

“That closet is fine. It has no one in it! Well, not me anymore!”

Zizhen can barely swallow down the wheeze that tries to climb its way out of his nose because what. 

To his credit though, Lan Wangji stops his advance onto his hiding place, and promptly takes Lan Jingyi out of the room, so he hopes that he’s not being thrashed thoroughly for well, being gay, but in keeping it and using it as a distraction tactic on their Hanguang-Jun.

Zizhen quickly kicks the doors open and tumbles out, sliding the window up and climbing out, his watch telling him dimly that he has two more minutes before curfew comes and security tightens. He would check on Lan, but he’ll be fine. Hanguang-Jun isn’t a blind rule follower as the people make him out to be - by people, he meant just Doctor Wei, who went through a period of time in his life actively cursing and mooning over Lan Wangji, and it’s entertaining and just embarrassing to bear witness to. No. Bad memories. Let’s forget that and go back and report to Qing-jie.

He’s going to start breaking ankles the next time Lan Yuan asks for a big hang out.

-

“He took the bundle from you? Without touching you?”

“I snuck in the death place for that stupid bundle and that’s all you cared about?”

“Damn Lan. Anyways, good job, it’s fine, I’m seeing the golden trio in, like, ten hours. We can haggle the bundle back.”

He hears this, but he also has the tracker sticker. Does it work? Does it not work? Unclear. He’s not too sure. He hasn’t been doing this illegal theft and tracking gig for long. He lets Qing-jie and her favours reinstate themselves as constant reminders in his life as he stumbles back to his laptop and kick starts it to see how he’s going to not set a hoodie and a person on fire. 

-

The good news is Lan Jingyi and his Lan Approved Hoodie will not be catching on fire.

The even better news is that he can get rid of Song-Xiao Qing for life now, because he knows where the package is.

The bad news is that the package is in Jin Rulan’s home. His room, to be specific.

Okay, so maybe he met Jin Rulan a few times when he went to archery tournaments to cheer on Lan Yuan, a friend but also practicing archer to become as great as Wen Ning, Olympic-level archer. Maybe he and Jin Rulan had gotten into a few arguments over pointless things in the past, like all stupid middle schoolers do. The point is that since his friend is a friend of Rulan, he has the honour of being flung at, in the face, with the address of his sizable family manor, because Jin Rulan can and will, with no preamble or social niceties, and so now Zizhen knows where he lives.

Not that a simple Google search wouldn’t tell him which place this is, but being reminded with Jin Rulan, a runt then, probably a runt now, he hasn’t seen the kid in like, two years. A-Yuan doesn’t want him to start testing his robots on real life people and everyone who had ever interacted with Zizhen knows who’s first on his list to be humanly pitted (sorry, tested) against his robots. 

He bikes to the manor, easily buzzes his way in with a screwdriver and some tinkling with the system, and strolls right through the front door.

He did do research before this. Everyone’s out. Jin Rulan is out. He’ll just take the bundle and leave, and they don’t have to talk about it anymo -

Lan Jingyi tackles him to the floor from behind the door to Jin Rulan’s room, with a distant bark of a guard dog and Jin Rulan’s dulcet tones shrieking the heavens, hard, so that his dead ancestors can rise as zombies in the night and slap Zizhen back to Baling.

“How is he here?” He can hear Rulan yelling distinctly, as he grapples with Jingyi and rips the sticker cleanly from under his sleeve. 

Jingyi and him get along okay. When A-Yuan wants people to wait for him after guqin recitals, he has Zizhen and Jingyi wait for him, and they play jianzi as they quiz each other on class things they should know, bickering back and forth. They played soccer together a few times, and Jingyi’s good - Jingyi’s training to be in the under 20′s representative Asian Games in a few months. They get along fine. They love literature and art. Zizhen doesn’t want to set a short-circuiting robot onto him. 

Literally there is no reason for Jingyi to wrestle him to the ground like this outside of the context of a soccer match.

“You found us, how,” Jingyi demands, frowning. “Did you put a tracker on me?”

He huffs, bunching up his knees and kicking up, before rolling away with the bundle. “I will neither confirm or deny your accusations. Goodbye.”

Rulan is at the window, slamming it shut, and holding out a hand, snarling rabidly at him. The scuffle he was tackled into had knocked over metal plates and car parts all over the floor, everything looks like it’s a disaster zone, if he was at home then Father would have lost it. The shining mistress of the Jin family snarls at him, forcing him to step away from the window with the sight of his sharp canines alone, eyes narrowing at him and his bundle.

“Give that over,” he frowns. “And then you can scram.”

“I broke into your house to get it back,” he stresses, with hysterical stress. “No.”

“No can’t do, Ouyang,” Jingyi’s voice drifts to him, as his wrist is seized. “We need it.”

“And Qing-jie needs it, but none of y’all are telling me what you need it for -”

The door eases open with a loud creak, like a bow on an erhu string gone wrong, and both boys might as well have screamed in his face because the expressions on their faces are thunderous. 

“Uncle!” Jingyi squeaks. 

“Uncle!” Rulan also yips, stepping away from the window, and coming over to -

Oh my god he needs to scream.

Doctor Wei and Hanguang-Jun are at the door, brows raised in vague interest at the war zone spilling out all over their socked feet, Doctor Wei humming interestedly at their thunderstruck and mutually devastated faces. 

Jin Rulan is almost the same height as his uncle but he’s looking as if somebody ran over his finessed bow. He and Jingyi, who unhands Zizhen quickly, are both standing and arms splaying, kicking and shifting so that the mess of robot parts are somewhat not so obviously sprawling all over the floor.

“A-Zhen!” Doctor Wei beams, and proceeds to squeeze him in a hug until he dies, stuffing his face into a shirtfront with too much Versace sprayed all over it. “You didn’t say you were friends with the kids!”

“We don’t know each other,” he squeezes out, gasping as he’s released.

“Not a friend,” Rulan vehemently denies.

Lan Wangji lifts two unimpressed eyebrows. Rulan swallows back whatever else he was meant to say.

“Occasionally a friend?” Jingyi amends.

He turns and gripes at the Lan boy - “How can someone be occasionally a friend, you lump of spineless potato?”

“His insults are creative,” Doctor Wei notes, half way between an explanation and a praise. “Listen, kids -”

He then gets cut off by Jingyi and Rulan, talking not only over each other, but in synching fragmented sentences. 

Jingyi  “Uncles, we’re going to pack this up, we know you need the house for guests to come over -”

“ - and we will introduce you and acquaint everyone, but this guy needs to hand over his things first and then everyone can go,” Rulan finishes, hand still reaching out to Zizhen and his bundle.

He tries to step away, but two much taller men - Lan Wangji and Doctor Wei, are in his way, benevolently smiling and stoically staring down at him, and he feels his resolve crumbling. In fear, but also they are educators and they’ve perfectly polished the I’m not angry at you, I’m just disappointed and very very sad. 

“Sounds like a party in here,” he hears the dreaded singsong, the sound of the dead coming to collect his soul and putting him through all the levels of hell.

Song-Xiao Qing pokes her head around Lan Wangji’s elbow and beams at him. “Oh you’re here! I thought I had to call for you! You made my job so easy, marshmallow boy.”

“Uh,” he’s still being held captive by Doctor Wei. “Please. Explain.”

Lan Yuan finally emerges, serene, beautiful, refreshing and soft-spoken. 

“Many apologies for my family’s treatment of you, Zizhen-xiong. Would you like some tea?”

-

The gist of it is this -

It was a test. And his gut feelings were correct.

And the test was Would Ouyang Zizhen Make Good Agent. Apparently he passed, because nobody expected him to pursue the bundle all the way to the Jin Manor, along with wrestling with Jingyi so fiercely. 

“You -” he looks at Qing-jie, who is sipping chrysanthemum tea so calmly, as if she hadn’t led him on some wild goose chase. “I actually have no words. That was very clever.”

“I have words,” Jin Rulan, apparently part of whatever the hell this is too, whinges from his post at the arm of Lan Wangji’s chair. “Why him?” 

“What, besides the obvious?” Jingyi looks at his friend. “He held me off, and snuck into Gusu. Like, impressive?”

“The sticker was a nice touch,” Qing-jie notes. “Although we did make it easy on ya.”

“He’s calm,” A-Yuan smiles at him. “You’re very calm, even though you opposed to this vehemently.”

He gestures broadly, to Everyone Present. “I can’t exactly freak out before this peanut gallery. I want to live past 5 pm today. I have an aunt’s dinner I have to go to. I can’t die before that.”

A-Yuan shrugs like that’s a good answer. It is. He knows. He has a few fire-breathing aunts himself.

“So,” someone prompts. “About this -”

“The answer is still no,” he looks over specifically at Qing-jie, who he knows no doubt will be sending him on more of these trips.

“You did good though,” Jingyi notes. “Considering that you improv like, 9 out of 10 things.”

“Well excuse me for being new at this stuff, how am I supposed to -” he stops his snapping tone as a familiar face walks by, blinking widely as the entourage of idiots who may or may not are influencing a youth in joining the forces to lawbreaking. How is Hanguang-Jun in the middle of this, he just wants to talk. He swallows his caustic words, and cautions a wave to the boy. “Hey, A-Song.”

A-Song bows back to everyone. “Zizhen-xiong -”

“Calling me gege is fine, sheesh, this kid -”

“I’ll see you at tutoring, gege,” A-Song, Jin Rusong, literally the sweetest kid ever, smiles back politely, before he retreats back to where he has to go back to, leaving their Idiot Entourage to their own.

“You know my cousin?” Rulan quirks a judgemental eyebrow. 

“Yes,” he replies, tersely. “Can you not pay attention? He said tutoring. I tutor him. Shut up, I’m only mean to you because you’ve an awful personality.”

Nobody is sure who laughed but there is a ripple of a muffled laugh as Rulan screeches that I’ll have your head, Ouyang! 

“Our deal is off,” Qing-jie snaps her fingers before his face. “You can go now.”

“Just like that?” He squints, suspicious. “No forcing?”

“No forcing,” Doctor Wei smiles, the same Jiang-Wei smile that put the cardiac arrest in people’s hearts. People being undergraduates. “We’ll win you over one of these days,” Doctor Wei slaps a fist to a palm. “Our doors are always open for you to join, A-Zhen.”

Lan Wangji levels a stare at him. “Hmn.”

He’s not quite sure how Doctor Wei isn’t freaking out in the presence of his beloved Lan-er gege but he’s not going to ask or go there. He has a dinner to go to.

“Well,” he stands, and bows, because he still has manners. “I’ll be taking my leave?”

“I’ll see you off,” Doctor Wei also stands, turning to the four idiot monkeys first. “Here ya go, kids. Don’t be playing hot potato with that now.”

It’s then that he realises that his bundle is gone, yet again, and Doctor Wei had only hugged him once.

“Shall we go?” The Doctor’s eye glints, and he wants to bolt out the door.

-

“How are you a part of this too?” He hisses to the Good Doctor, the top medical examiner of the goddamn country and youngest biology professor in his college, as he is shown out. 

“I’ll tell you when you join,” is the cryptic answer he gets, as the doors close behind him. 

Tell me, his Kermit brain says. But then you’ll have to join, his rational robotics brain whispers back.

Zizhen elects to just scream at the door and turns on his heels marching out.

The nerve of some people!