#and all the shit that happened in the two years after I left him and had to have a judge involved
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The Troubles of Choi Beomgyu | cbg
IM FINALLY READING THIS AHH. After absolutely going through it during The Redemption of Choi Yeonjun (an absolutely amazing read) Serene releases a sequel omgđ There are no amount of words that can express my excitement to read this piece.
Ever since Yeonjun had gotten together with that stupid nerd heâd changed. Changed for the worse. And it seemed as if Beomgyu was the only one who could see it. â lmfao Gyuđ
I already love reader's ability to speak out against Beomgyu, that's so attractive of her. â And without his friends to protect him, you were finally able to sharpen the knife that had been so diligently resting behind your back for three years. â You had longed for an opportunity to get back at him for all the shit he caused you through freshman and junior year; and finally, the universe presented you with one. â I love her; also the tension between them is amazing.
Hehe Taehyun appears, I'm so happy (Seeing him here makes me think about CC Taehyun đŹ, sigh I miss him) â Behind you, Taehyun lets out a short huff, his lips pulling into a menacing smirk as he eyes your expression. â âWas this also part of your âplanâ?â â I love Taehyun he's so annoying (lovingly)
I DIDNT EXPECT TAEHYUN TO BE A VICTIM OF GYU???? SERENE????
Omg I could sob, the fact that Gyu was so sweet before he met Jjun and the fact that him and reader were such cute friends :( no wonder she's so fed up of him,and can talk to him like that
Sheâd dated one of the Choiâs, until he left her for that shy nerd, served her right. â But even the two of them had already gotten together to get working on their presentation. â all the references make me giggle
Beomgyu pays them little mind as he rolls his eyes, instead he watches your retreating figure as you push past the crowd in which you had emerged from. A subtle smirk playing on his lips as he mindlessly fiddles with the note in his pocket. â oh my god, I love this
It felt almost surreal. Two years of being strangers in the halls, two years of constant insults, two years of hatred. Yet here he was, so close to you, just like he had been before everything changed, before he changed. â I feel so bad that their relationship turned out like this :((
Your eyes widen when he suddenly takes a step forward, reaching for the accessory as he plucks it from your fingers. âSo that, in a way, Iâll always be with youâ, he says as he wraps the leather around your wrist. â No cuz it was so sweet :((((((( why did Gyu have to change. His response to reader still having the bracelet also hurts too, I'm desperately hoping it's just a front Gyu has up.
âOh thatâs rightâ, he muses, âYou think youâre special because I was nice to you back then, because I took pity on you.â He pushes a strand of dark hair from his face with the help of his pinky, âBet it was the first time something like that happened.â â he's so mean no :(((( this hurts
THE KISS???? SCREAMING???? â The silence that follows echoes through your small dorm. And you remain on your bed, motionless, staring ahead as your fingers reach up to touch your lips. â Still burning with the fire heâd igninited. â oh my god.
It makes me so happy Taehyun and Kai are roommates:)) Also that entire conversation they had just makes me feel sad and idk why
Omg, the fight between Jjun and Gyu :(
The next kiss is initiated by you, not him. Itâs soft, and it reminds you of the one youâd given him last week. Slow, hesitant, but tender. And Beomgyuâs hands reluctantly drop from your face, gently sliding down your arms and sides before settling on your waist. â You had known for a long time now that you felt empathy for him. That you pitied him. Perhaps it was why you let him use you. â what if I went insane
Beomgyu showed up. He didnât look you in the eyes when he took his papers from you. He didnât look at you during the presentation, he kept his gaze ahead, fixated on the rest of your joint classes. He didnât speak to you before, during, or after it. Not even a simple, âwell doneâ or even a âthanksâ when youâd offered to take his papers and throw them away for him. â this hurts.
Despite his past actions, I like that we see Yeonjun being pleasant considering his past behaviour. It also sucks to see his friendship with Gyu fall apart.
Your breath catches in your throat and your eyes widen tenfold when they fall on the familiar piece of leather. It was the same warm brown, and the contrastingly dark navy blue. The bracelet which you had cherished for so long, the one you had clung onto in the hopes that his matching part would still exist somewhere. â im going to sob wtf
ANS THE FACT SHE ALSO GOT A BRACLET FOR HERSELF??? Omg they are so stupid I love them
His breath is warm against your lips as his own hover above them. The tip of his round nose brushes against yours, the small contact sending a jolt of electricity through you. âWhat I should have done from the startâ, he murmurs before pressing his lips to yours. â screaming
I'm gonna cry :(( I absolutely love the end, I was so worried Jjun and Gyu didn't get to fix their friendship but they did :( Serene this was an absolutely lovely read!!
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đđđđđ đđđđđ â¸â¸ And you donât know why you took a step forward, why you let your hands brush against his, why you didnât stop when you saw the bewilderment on his face. You donât know why you leaned in closer, when you should be pulling back. â And you donât know why you couldnât look away, why you couldnât tear your gaze from the flames dancing across his eyes.Â
You donât know why you kissed him. â¸â¸
đ ŕŁŞË Ö´ÖśÖ¸ wc, 25.5k ŕźŕźŕż
đšairing bully!beomgyu x fed-up!reader (f) đarning friends to enemies to lovers, bullying, implied violence, violence, beomgyu's a dick, reader's also mean at times, college au, kissing, fingering, mutual masturbation, unprotected sex + pullout, angsty confessions, hmm um um what else, I have no clue..
#serene adds â... HAPPY BEOMGYU DAY !! (because it's still the 13th here) ⯠and oh my god have you guys been waiting for this fic... how long has it been, 6/7 months? maybe even more... I have no words. I feel like this fic is a little all over the place, you might notice the inner monologue changing and so on, but that's because I've been writing it over 6 months roughly, my view on the story has changed with each month... I hope it'll still be worth your while >.< happy gyu day, my love <33 - rain says I need to mention her
This story is a sequel to, The Redemption of Choi Yeonjun ⯠It's advised that you read said fic beforehand !
People change for the stupidest of reasons. At least Beomgyu thinks so. Heâs been told that his view of the world is narrow, that change is something good, something that everyone goes through. That change is important. What a load of bullshit. Look what change had done to his best friend. â Ever since Yeonjun had gotten together with that stupid nerd heâd changed. Changed for the worse. And it seemed as if Beomgyu was the only one who could see it.Â
He glares at his classmates, but his once sharp gaze seems to have lost its touch. They whisper, talk, murmur, gossip, they speculate about him. Because everyone knew that something had happened between The Choiâs, that something was no longer the same. â But why him? Beomgyu wasnât the one whoâd changed, they changed, not him. Yeonjun was the one whoâŚHe was the one who became infatuated with that good for nothing nerd, and Soobin heâŚhe just accepted it?Â
Beomgyu almost snorts at the thought. Fine. If they wanted to give everything up just like that, they could, why should he care? But the lingering glances he receives as he pushes through the crowded hallways are near impossible to shake off. So what if he was walking alone? He didnât need his friends, they werenât his friends anymore, they were just side pieces in a much bigger picturâÂ
âHey! Watch where youâre going freak!â He seethes as a small boy crashes into his chest, a freshman probably. Beomgyuâs eyes narrow as he seizes the kid. The younger male swallows as he scrambles to gather his belongings, clearing his throat awkwardly as he pushes his glasses further up on his nose. â âI-Iâm so sorry I wasnât looking where I was going and I..âÂ
What a pathetic being. Beomgyu grimaces at his petty apology, âstay out of my way next time, alright? You weak piece ofââÂ
âWhy donât you pick on someone your own size?âÂ
The voice is familiar as it pierces through the crowded hallway and suddenly the previous buzz of students surrounding him diminishes as Beomgyuâs gaze flickers past the small boy in front of him. â You.Â
His teeth grind together at the sight of your cocky figure, that smug grin you always wore, as if you were better than everyone else, as if you were better than him. What a joke. Ever since him and his friends broke apart, you seemed to have been actively plotting against him, singling him out now that he was alone. â Beomgyu would die before admitting that your schemes ever proved successful. Because if there was one thing he hated, it was people who meddled in his business. And you seemed to know nothing else.Â
The young freshman scurries off before Beomgyu has the chance to grab him and he bites back a frustrated groan. Instead his attention shifts to your approaching frame. With the small squeak of your sneakers against the floor, you stop inches from him, your eyes near level with his. â Blood rushes within his body like never before, anger soaring through him at the mere sight of your pestering face.Â
âPick on someone my own size? And that would be what, you?â He scoffs, eyeing you with disdain. The grin on your lips only widened further and he refused another grimace. Then it clicks, and Beomgyu has to hold himself back as he feels his jaw twitch. â âYou.â The acknowledgement is a short huff of air, it hits your face and you squint as your eyes pierces his. âYouâre the one whoâs been running their mouth about me all week.âÂ
Suppose you had been mentioning his name a little here and there. A few comments, nothing crazy, nothing that wasnât true. It wasnât exactly unwarranted either. Choi Beomgyu was a nuisance. And without his friends to protect him, you were finally able to sharpen the knife that had been so diligently resting behind your back for three years. â You had longed for an opportunity to get back at him for all the shit he caused you through freshman and junior year; and finally, the universe presented you with one.Â
You glance over at him, it would merely take a small raise of your heel for your eyes to become leveled perfectly with his. Without that tall friend of his, looming behind his back, or Yeonjunâs authoritative status, Choi Beomgyu was really nothing. â That didnât change the fact that you absolutely loathed him. And you would be sure to have him know.Â
âWhy, has something interesting caught your ears?â You drawl, feeling the grin on your lips threatening to bloom into a smirk. Beomgyuâs face morphs into a scowl, undoubtedly familiar with the rumors of him youâd conducted during the past weeks. â âYou must think youâre so smart, sitting on your ass all day and spewing nonsenseâ, he grits as he takes a charging step forward, chest colliding with yours and you almost stumble backward.Â
It takes some effort but you manage to remain fairly unfazed as you eye him with indifference. It only serves to make him angrier. Beomgyu was like an open book, a book in which you only had to read the paragraph on the very back to understand exactly how it would end. He was predictable, and without his friends, he was an easy target for someone whoâd been studying him for so long.Â
âI doâ, you chirp, hands clasping behind your back as you sway on the spot. Beomgyu scoffs, giving a small roll of his eyes before his firing gaze centers on you again. âJust stay out of my way.â â His attention drops to the uniform you wore, the one school handed out at the beginning of each year, much different from the designer one he had tailored each semester. It was subtle, but different, and Beomgyuâs grin widened as his eyes raked across your worn out shoes and old bag. âThink youâve got other things to worry âbout.âÂ
Without another word, he continues down the hallway, though not before giving your shoulder a harsh shove. â Your lip twitches into an uncomfortable grimace and with a small huff you readjust your backpack. Fucking asshole. Your tongue prods against your teeth, tsking slightly as you watch him disappear.Â
â¸â¸Â
âOh come on, do you really think itâs that bad of an idea?â You whine as your cheek rests against your forearm, eyes trained on the words being written out on the paper before you. â âI doâ, Taehyun states without lifting his pencil from the sheet, brows slightly furrowed as he focuses on his work.Â
With a small huff you peer up at him, the glasses on the bridge of his nose are crooked and you resist the urge to snatch them from his face. âAnd what does Mr. Class President presume I should do then?â You sarcastically wonder; though the question makes him raise a disbelieving brow as he glances toward you. âI suggest you stay out of trouble.â â Just as you open your mouth in objection, does he cut you off; âand not spread rumors about him.âÂ
Your expression contorts into one of disagreement but you remain silent. In a way, you suppose you should feel thankful for him. Taehyun was your only friend, if friends were even what one could call you. â The mutual acquaintanceship consisted of you sharing the latest events of your quite dull life, recapping the drama youâd picked up on your way to the school cafeteria, and most importantly; Choi Beomgyu.Â
Though he was originally opposed to the friendship, Taehyun had begrudgingly come to accept your persistent presence as you lingered by his desk between classes. And by your senior year, he knew everything that was to know about Beomgyu and why you so loathed him. â âShouldnât you let go of him? Weâre about to graduate next yearâ, he states, his voice monotone as always but you could clearly decipher a hint of pleading as he urged for you to stop fawning over the guy.Â
âLet go?â You scoff, sitting up a bit straighter as you eye him with a frown, âI do not need to âlet goâ, I need revenge, besides, Christmas break is coming up, I need to act fast.â â Seemingly unimpressed by your enthusiasm, Taehyun merely shakes his head as his focus returns to the piece of paper in front of him, scribbling down a few lines before he sighs; âand how exactly do you plan on doing that?âÂ
The way your face lit up was unmistakable and you could practically see him regret his words as you shuffled closer. âWell, I happen to have a planââ But before you can finish, the classroom door swings open and your professor enters. With a small scowl, you lean back in your chair as Taehyun immediately disregards you, turning his full attention to the lecture about to take place. Jeez, what a try-hard.
History was far from your favorite, but the mention of a group project sparked your interest. Your professor was old, a tall and lanky man, and as he announced the presentation you were to hold regarding a historic event, the class groaned. â Immediately turning to Taehyun with hopeful eyes, youâre met with a small glare before he sighs and nods, announcing that the two of you could partner up. With delight you open your mouth to thank him when your history teacherâs raspy voice suddenly interrupts you.Â
âThough seeing as your parallel class is taking the very same course, I thought itâd be a good idea to merge the two of you. â Itâll save me some time when grading as wellâ, he huffs as a small grin tugs at his wrinkled lips. â It doesnât take long for the room to be drowned in a chaotic murmur. Your brows pull together in a confused frown and you twist in your seat, âwhatâs that supposed to mean?â â Taehyun merely shrugs as his eyes flicker between you and your professor by the board, and for once he seemed equally lost.Â
A quiet cough makes your gaze snap back to your old teacher as he rummages through his bag for a small piece of paper. âNow I know you arenât too acquainted with the other class, so Iâve taken the liberty of pre-arranging partners for you.â His statement is met with another wave of complaints and displeased groans as students leaned back in their chairs and shook their heads.Â
âWait, does this mean we wonât get to work together?â You wonder to which Taehyun gives a small nod, âmost likely.â â You felt your heart drop at least ten floors as you watched your old teacher fasten the small piece of paper to the board. The sound of chairs scraping against the hard floor fills the classroom as everyone scurries toward the front, eager to see who theyâd been partnered up with.Â
Without thinking you, too, rise from your desk as you pull Taehyun by his arm, yanking him toward the board. It takes a few shoves to get through the crowd that had formed, but soon enough, youâre standing in front of the list. â Your eyes fervently scan the names, going over the rows at least twice before you find yours. It was as if all air had been sucked from your lungs, your throat uncomfortably dry as you eye the jagged scribbles. Next to your own name was âChoi Beomgyuâ.Â
Behind you, Taehyun lets out a short huff, his lips pulling into a menacing smirk as he eyes your expression. â âWas this also part of your âplanâ?âÂ
â¸â¸
âIâm doomed!â You exclaim, hands feverishly tugging at your hair as you cling onto Taehyunâs shoulder. Met with a shrug from your friend who trudges forward, you pout, jutting your chin out as you whine in his ear. âWhat do I do?â â Taehyun sighs, pushing his glasses further up on his nose as his eyes scan the nearly empty hallway. âThis is exactly why you shouldnât have gotten on his bad sideâ, he scolds and you huff.Â
âCome on nowâ, you mutter as you release your grip on him, âa rumor here and there has never hurt anyone.â â âBesides, arenât you supposed to be taking my side?â You finish with a small frown, the crease on your forehead only deepening when he doesnât say anything. âYou told everyone that he threw up in one of the school bathroomsâ, he then states and you snort, a small grin seeping onto your face. âSo? He mightâve.âÂ
Taehyun shakes his head, âmy point is, youâre already off to a bad start.â â His statement makes you slow down, the shift in your pace causing him to nearly stop as Taehyun turns to you with a confused look. âYouâre talking as if Iâm the one who should watch myself. â Tae, heâs an asshole, if anything, he should feel ashamed.âÂ
Your friend bites his lip as his gaze flits between the floor to the books in his hands, and you wondered if you had said something wrong. Choi Beomgyu had earned himself quite the infamous reputation at your college along with the other Choiâs, everyone knew that they were bad news, so why did no one speak against it? â Why did Taehyun cower at the name?Â
You couldnât possibly understand their unreasonable fear.Â
But you donât have to ponder for long, because mere moments later, an all too familiar voice calls out. â âHey, class president!â Beomgyuâs nasty drawl echoes off the desolate walls as he nears you. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his expensive uniform, and he walks with an allude of confidence.Â
Upon hearing his name called, Taehyun freezes beside you as he hesitantly turns to face the source of the voice. Stopping mere inches from your friend, Beomgyu leans forward with a smug smirk and Taehyun hastily blinks under his glasses. You watch their small exchange with a puzzled expression. â âYou got my essay?â Beomgyu asks as he quirks a brow in the shorter male's direction. His essay?Â
Taehyun nods as he reaches for the bag swung over his shoulder, undoing the zipper as he rummages through its contents. Beomgyu watches him with a look of nonchalance, seemingly unaware of your presence as he focuses on your friend before him. â âHereâ, Taehyun murmurs as he hands him at least four pages worth of paper, neatly stapled together.Â
Beomgyu scans through it leisurely before giving Taehyunâs shoulder a harsh pat, making the shorter wince. âWhatâs the meaning of this?â You spit, unable to help yourself as you witnessed the person you so loathed go after your only friend like that. Finally, he seems to acknowledge you as Beomgyuâs eyes snap in your direction, his hand falling from Taehyunâs shoulder as his face contorts into a small scowl.Â
Despite the lack of his friends, he still made do with the reputation he had left. Your rumors seemed to have made an insignificant dent in the power he held. ButâŚTaehyun? Of all people, he wouldnât possibly⌠Your gaze flits down to the essay in Beomgyuâs hand and over to your friend who avoided your gaze as he urged for you to come with him without causing a bigger scene.Â
âWhy donât you stay out of my business.â Beomgyu sneers as he eyes you with distaste. âBusiness? You call this business?â You frown as you shrug Taehyunâs hands from your arm, stepping between your friend and the menace before him. â Your nose could practically graze his as you let out a short breath of air, meeting his furious gaze with one of your own.Â
âBullying people into doing your work? How do you expect to make it outside of college?â The comment makes his already angered expression flare up and you catch his hands curling into fists by his sides. â âWorry âbout yourself wonât you?â he scoffs, ready to push past you.. until your next words catch him off guard.Â
âWell thatâs going to be difficult, seeing as weâre partners now.âÂ
He stops, dark eyes snapping back to yours within milliseconds and you feel Taehyunâs hand urgently tug at your arm as he silently pleads for you to back down. â âWhat?â The word comes out as a mere hiss and you canât help but feel a triumphant grin pull at the corner of your lips. Ah, so he didnât know yet.Â
âHavenât you heard?â â You let your head fall to the side, an amused expression flashing across your features as you take in his puzzled and angered state, so predictable. âMr. Brownâs class, the history project, weâre partners, you and me.â The dread that had previously consumed you seemed minimal when you with satisfaction watched Beomgyuâs face practically explode in a multitude of enraged questions; none of which you were planning on answering.Â
âThe fuck is that supposed to mean?â He spits, a look of disbelief presenting itself across his otherwise arrogant face. You shrug, letting Taehyun pull you back as you send him a small wave, âthat weâll be seeing a lot more of each other I suppose.â â Before you can get another word out, your friend has pulled you down the hall in a most hurried manner; scurrying to get away from Beomgyu's piercing gaze as he leans against the wall with a small huff, eyeing you with a mixture of fury and intrigue.Â
âWhat the hell was that?â Taehyun grumbles as he drags you along, walking with determined strides. You merely roll your eyes as you let yourself be swayed down the long corridors. â âI should be asking you thatâ, you counter, still not over the fact that he had written an entire essay for the scumbag.Â
Not late to catch on, Taehyun bites the inside of his cheek as he fiddles with the glasses on his nose. âNothing you should worry aboutâ, he mutters, intent on disregarding any further questions. âNothing I should worry about? What are you, his slave?â â âDonât say it like thatâ, he groans and you frown, stopping completely as you break yourself free from his grasp.Â
With an exasperated sigh, Taehyun turns to you as he runs a hand through his short hair. âListen, it was a one time thing and..â â âThatâs how it always startsâ, you huff, rolling your eyes as you shake your head. âSoon heâll be asking you to write his exams for him as wellâ, you exclaim, throwing an accusing finger down the hall.Â
But Taehyun only shakes his head as he waves his hands in front of him in denial. âIâm just helping him out..!â â Your gaze narrows down on your friend, helping him out? Sure Taehyun was many things, friendly? â was not one of them. And to think that he was willingly helping one of the Choiâs with something so trivialâŚÂ
âDoes he have something on you?â You ask, watching as Taehyunâs eyes widened, âis that why youâre slaving away like this?â â âNo I..â He begins but quickly seals his lips in a tight grimace, âyou donât understand.â Like hell you didnât. Why on earth would anyone stoop to such a level. For over two years you had watched as the Choiâs ruled your school, and to say that you were sick of it would be an understatement.Â
Perhaps your hatred for the small trio was rooted deeper than your peers. Especially your hatred for Choi Beomgyu. â Because you hadnât always hated him, in fact, at one point, you think you mightâve even liked him.Â
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âHey, is this seat taken?âÂ
The voice is warm, kind and friendly. It makes you blink as you tear your gaze from the small pile of nail polish that had accumulated on your desk, your nervous habit of picking at the paint evident. â First day of freshman year, first day of college, that had been the day.Â
With a small nod, you motion toward the chair next to your own. He takes the seat, grinning from ear to ear as he studies you with curiosity. âNervous?â He wonders as he tilts his head to the side. âYeah..â Your quiet whisper is near inaudible but he still seems to pick up on it as his lips stretch further. âMe tooâ, he says and you canât help but frown, he didnât look nervous in the slightest as he comfortably leaned back in his chair, fiddling with the collar of his shirt leisurely.Â
He was way out of your league. â Yet he reaches a hand out, eyes darting from yours and down to your own intertwined fingers. His palm is soft and warm against yours, his grip unwavering as he shakes your hand. âIâm Beomgyu, Choi Beomgyuâ, he smiles, itâs a kind smile, and your heart flutters at the sight.Â
Choi Beomgyu. What a pretty name.Â
You spend your first week with him, it was nice to have someone you could call a friend. Someone who made you feel less alone, and Beomgyu did, the two of you were friends, you think.Â
You ate lunch togetherâŚÂ
âTofuâs the best when grilledâ, Beomgyu hums as he shoves a forkful in his mouth, barely swallowing as he loads yet another one. You giggled as your gaze returned to your own plate, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. The cafeteria was both crowded and loud, you had dreaded the days you would spend alone in here.Â
But as Beomgyu found a nice and secluded table for the two of you, even pulling your chair out with an over exaggerated bow to which you rolled your eyes, you felt hopeful. â Perhaps college wouldnât be so bad after all.Â
And you studied after schoolâŚ
âIf 9 is the value of âxâ then all we have to do is replace the variables with suchâ, you say as you scribble across his notebook. Beomgyuâs frown was nearly dented into his forehead, his bottom lip caught between his teeth in concentration. âBut how does nine become âxâ? Isnât nine a number and âxâ a letter?âHe wonders to which you shake your head.Â
âNot in this caseâ, you state before drawing a small âx = 9â. Scratching the back of his neck dumbfoundedly, Beomgyu gives a deflated sigh as he slumps against his chair. â âIâm never graduating.âÂ
You even saw one another outside of schoolâŚthough only once..Â
âI donât think Iâve ever been here..â You quietly mumble, eyes flitting across the expensive looking furniture. The restaurant was small but reeked of wealth, the meals here were surely out of your budget but Beomgyu had insisted on you joining him one friday evening. â âWhat?â He exclaims in bewilderment, âAre you kidding? This is the best place in town!âÂ
True to his word, he paid for your meal, not hearing you out on trying to pay him back in the near future. â âSpending time with you is more than enoughâ, he says as a matter-of-factly, arm wrapping around your shoulders as you walk down the empty streets.Â
Not to forget that one time heâd asked for your numberâŚÂ
âI mean itâs just⌠I think youâre cool and..â He clears his throat, sending you a sheepish smile before continuing. âJust yâknow, for staying in touch and things..â â The timidness of his request made your heart flutter as a grin spread across your lips.Â
âOf course Iâll give you my number, silly!âÂ
The relief immediately flooding his face was palpable as he sighs, eagerly fishing his phone up for you to put the digits in. He made sure to add a pink heart next to your name, promising to be at your every beck and call should you ever need him.Â
It was friendship, right?Â
Doing stuff together, noticing things about each other, like the cute little mole on his left cheek, accentuating his already endearing grin. Or his habit of pushing his hair from his face with the help of his pinky, carefully touching up the dark strands, almost absentmindedly.Â
You wondered if Beomgyu noticed things about you too. Did he see things you didnât, and did he like them? Did he like you? Perhaps you wouldâve gotten answers to all of those questions, had things turned out differently.Â
It was inevitable, of course, you were all enrolled in the same class after all, they were bound to bump into one another soon enough. But things changed when Beomgyu met Choi Yeonjun, changed for the worse. And it didnât take long for him to become someone completely different, someone unrecognizable.Â
Slowly he stopped showing up to your study sessions. More often heâd make excuses to not walk you to class. You began eating lunch alone, and before you knew it, Beomgyu was no longer part of your life. â Except he was, just as someone else. Someone cruel, someone who didn't care about what others felt, someone who only lived to make others suffer.Â
His new friends were no different, and together they earned themselves an infamous reputation as the schoolâs bullies. It hurt. Seeing them act so nonchalantly when toying with others, with people whoâd done nothing to upset them. â And as you catch him in the hallway one day, a much smaller student hoisted up by the collar of his shirt, Beomgyuâs grip unwavering as he spits insults in the youngerâs face.Â
It was then you grew to loathe Choi Beomgyu.Â
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Your finger hovers over the block button as you lay in bed that night. Back then, just as you applied to switch classes, as you tried to get as far away from him as possible, you had rid yourself of his number too. Part of you thinks you shouldâve deleted the old chats along with blocking him, but something held you back. It feltâŚoddly comforting, re-reading the old messages between the two of you, a glimmer of what youâd once had, of what heâd once been. How pathetic.Â
With a small groan you let your phone fall down onto the mattress next to you, shifting to lay on your side as you prepare to let sleep overtake you. He would have to bring it up, because there was no way in hell that you were unblocking and texting first. â âFucking piece of shitâ, you tiredly murmur, letting yourself fall into a very uncomfortable slumber, plagued by the thoughts of your upcoming weeks.Â
Beomgyu did not text you first. In fact he didnât text you at all. The whole weekend goes by, and not a single word. Taehyun on the other hand, had been paired up with some stuck up bitch, heâd told you her name, something on MâŚM, M, M⌠Ah yes, Mimi. Sheâd dated one of the Choiâs, until he left her for that shy nerd, served her right. â But even the two of them had already gotten together to get working on their presentation.Â
You had until Christmas break, but that was a mere three weeks away, and at this rate, youâd be lucky to get done by graduation. â Finally, your gloomy reality sets in, and you heave a loud sigh as you drag yourself down the hallway. History classes had become optional, and without your partner, there was little to be done. You spend the hour roaming the third and second floor, sneakers squeaking against the uneven tiles.Â
Upon passing that one peculiar little red door, your ears are met with the muffled sounds of what could only be someone getting their guts absolutely plowed. Your nose wrinkles in disgust, âroom 291â, you could only imagine how many girls had lost their virginity in there. â Shaking your head, your gaze returns forward, but instead of continuing your eternal journey down the long corridors, you freeze.Â
The object of your affection was standing right there. You thought heâd skipped. Anything to avoid the project at hand youâd supposed. But Beomgyuâs eyes meet yours, and though heâs all the way down the hall, you still catch the disgust lingering in them. His lip twitches, jaw clenching for a split second, and then heâs turned on his heel, marching down the hallway faster than you could blink.Â
You scramble to catch up, upping your pace to a light jog as you call for him. âHey asshole!â But he isnât listening, nor is he stopping. In factâŚWas he walking even faster? What a dick. âHey wait up!â Fuck, was he really going to make you chase after him? How immature. â Thankfully having made the girlâs football team in seventh grade seemed to have paid off, and you managed to reach him soon enough.Â
Fingers clasping around his forearm, you yank him backward, making him spin around on the spot as he collides with you. The crash makes you wince and you retreat, blinking to regain focus before turning your attention to him. Beomgyu was already watching you, his lips curled into a nasty scowl as his brows furrowed. âWhat?â He spits, his voice barely above a hiss.
Suddenly, you realize just how close the two of you were standing, chests nearly grazing one another, and the scent of his cologne invades your senses; it was the same one heâd worn for all of college, at least that hadnât changed. â You clear your throat, quickly scanning the empty hallway before you turn to him, plastering on the sternest of expression you could muster. âThe projectâ, you say, subtly straightening your back. Beomgyu raises a questioning brow as his hands dig into the pockets of his uniform.
You frown, and only when you add the word âhistoryâ does he seem to catch on. âOh yeah, that oneâ, his features relax, lips pulling into a small grin, âhowâs it coming along?â Your mouth opens and closes again. âExcuse me?â You huff, the anger in your words palpable. Still running with his act of obliviousness, Beomgyu shrugs, it was clear that he enjoyed the easy rise he was getting out of you. How you would practically explode over his mere existence. You think he liked making you like that, perhaps it made him feel in control.Â
Well he wasnât. Not anymore.Â
âItâs a group projectâ, you state, folding your arms across your chest, âthereâs no way Iâm doing this alone.â â Beomgyu looks almost as if he's considering your words, his lips pursed and head tilted to the side. âSo ask your little friend to tag along, Iâm sure heâd be more than happy toâ, he jeers, flashing you a nasty smirk. Was he talking about Taehyun? Your Taehyun. The same Taehyun that heâd made write his essay.Â
Your feet move on their own as you take a quick step forward, jabbing an accusing finger to his chest and Beomgyuâs face contorts into a small scowl at the action. âYouâre hilarious if you honestly think Iâd let you off the hook this easy, that Iâd just let you sit back and take credit for my hard work.â You move to shove him backward but his hand is already clasped around your wrist, restraining any movement.Â
âGet your fucking hands off of meâ, he spits, yanking you from his chest with a force that was near bruising. â âWhy? Scared that Iâll dirty your expensive attire with my grimy hands?â You retort as you gesture toward his clothes. Beomgyu sneers as he shakes his head, his long hair falling in front of his face before he pushes it back again. âYouâve already tarnished my reputation with that dirty mouth of yoursâ, he barks, eyes flickering with malice, âgot nothinâ better to do than spreading shit about me, do you?âÂ
He shifts on the spot, his gaze wandering down the hall briefly, as if checking for witnesses before his attention returns to you. âIâm not stupid, I know itâs you, and I know youâre behind this whole group project too.â â Woah there, way to get ahead of himself. You scoff, arms falling to your sides as you regard him with disbelief. âYou think I set this up on purpose? As if Iâd want to be anywhere near you-â
 âWell you sure act like itâ, he cuts you off, gesturing toward the two of you and the empty hallway you were currently occupying. âChasing after me like this, trying to get me alone, and the rumorsâ, his face flashes with something akin to contempt, a spark of his usually crude and mean demeanor simmering through his facade of hate. âI mean come on, itâs obvious.âÂ
Your jaw could practically sweep the floor at this rate and you almost wanted to laugh at the near comical situation. âWhatever it is youâre implying, I can assure you, youâre way offâ, you huff, quick to defend yourself. His fingers are still locked around your wrist, an almost tingling sensation spreading through your arm. Upon trying to tug yourself free from his grasp, Beomgyuâs hand only tightens around yours, dark eyes boring into your own as he scoffs: âCut the crap. Youâve been chasing after me for years.âÂ
The blunt accusation makes you pause, and for a moment every single comprehensive thought completely evaporates from your head. Chasing after him? No. Youâd been trying to make his life a living hell, so what if that included knowing his entire schedule and who he hung out with? It was all part of a much bigger picture, a picture his tiny brain failed to comprehend. â But then again, Beomgyu had always had an ego made out of steel. It wouldnât be the first time he would twist and turn a situation entirely in his favor.Â
âWhatâs it that loser friend of yours said? To let me go?â He chuckles, warm breath hitting your already flaring face. How did he know about that? Just how much had Taehyun told him when doing his essay? â Your usually sharp mind canât seem to conjure a single witty remark, and youâre left biting the inside of your cheek as you send him a bitter glare.Â
His hand lets go of your wrist, and Beomgyu takes a step back. âPerhaps you should listen to Mr. Class Pres, it might do you good.â With a final cruel smirk, he shoves past you, shoulder slamming against yours as he ventures down the hallway with his hands leisurely stuffed into his pockets.Â
You want to scream, throw something at him, possibly advocate for murder, but you do nothing, nothing but watch his retreating figure as he disappears down the corridor. Fucking asshole.Â
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That night left you in a flammable state. Anger gnawed at your very being as you paced the small space of your dormitory. Who was he to speak to you like that? And how would you ever make this project work? Talking to him was useless, a complete and utter waste of time. â Then it hits you. Like a small lightbulb being turned on over your head. Talking to him was pointless, you knew that. But what if you just didnât speak?Â
The cafeteria is as packed as it could get that following Tuesday, and you have to paddle through the large ocean of students, all eager to find an empty seat. You, on the other hand, couldnât care less for todayâs plain lunch menu, and instead of searching a clear table, your eyes scan for the most crowded one.Â
It doesnât take long for you to spot him. Surrounded by a heap of what you could only assume to be acquaintances, Beomgyu sits perched on a table in the center of the room. Conversation flows around him but his gaze is glued to his phone in his hand, mindlessly swiping across the screen in a bored manner. You wondered if he even knew the names of those surrounding him. You guessed not. Beomgyu had a.. unique way of making friends, if friends were even what they were. They looked more like tokens, perhaps he used them to appear less alone.Â
His attention suddenly shifts from the device in his hands and you follow its direction, eventually landing on a table not far from his. â Occupied sparsely by a mere three students, three students whom you easily recognized. Choi Yeonjun leans forward, his arm wrapped around a girl you recognized as his girlfriend. He looks to be in deep conversation with the third of their small party, Choi Soobin.Â
They used to be friends, Beomgyu and them. You remember it clearly. The harsh words, the glares, the distaste on their faces whenever they passed you by in the hallway. But something had obviously happened, a small rift in an otherwise unbreakable circle. And youâre not late to pick up on the way Beomgyu continues to glance their way, even when surrounded by at least a dozen others. You recognize the look in his eyes, the longing. It was the same way youâd been looking at him for the past two years.Â
Perhaps he had a weakness after all.Â
Your fist slams against the firm surface of his table, making everyone around you snap their heads in your direction. Their eyes boring into you suddenly made you waver, but you shake it off, turning your attention to your target, now only inches from yourself. â Beomgyu glances up from his phone, brows immediately furrowing as his lips part. Surely he had an insult waiting on his tongue, but you cut to the chase by shoving a small piece of paper in his free hand.Â
His confused gaze flickers down to the note as he begins unwrapping it, only to be stopped by your hand on his as you shake your head. You mouth the words ânot hereâ, and he scoffs, though shoving the paper in his pocket. â His token friends all burst out into âooooâs as they wiggle their eyebrows suggestively.Â
Beomgyu pays them little mind as he rolls his eyes, instead he watches your retreating figure as you push past the crowd in which you had emerged from. A subtle smirk playing on his lips as he mindlessly fiddles with the note in his pocket.Â
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You had no idea if your plan was even going to work. Would he show up? Or had he thrown the paper in the trash at the first opportunity he got? â Running a frustrated hand through your hair, you sigh, casting a quick glance at the time on your phone, 5:27 pm. He still had three minutes.Â
Gnawing on the inside of your cheek, you start to reconsider the choice of bringing him to your dorm room, was it really such a good idea? Though it was hardly like heâd show up anywhere in public with you. This was your best bet, you think..Â
The minutes tick by and your anxiety levels only rise, heart hammering in your chest as you pace the small space of your dormitory. By 5:47 you realized that he was a no-show. A weird mixture of disappointed relief floods you, itâs strange, you had expected the disappointment but why did you feel relieved? Did the idea of spending time alone with him scare you? No. That was impossible.Â
Flopping down onto your bed, you emit a small sigh, letting your eyes flutter closed as you replay todayâs scenario in your head. Scared? What a joke, Beomgyu didnât scare you, he was nothing but an immature, selfish, rude piece ofâ
Knock knock.Â
Your body jolts forward, flying off the bed like a deer in headlight as your head snaps in the direction of your door. He came? He actually came. You didnât know whether to cry or laugh as you gingerly got up. â As you head for the door, you stop by the small mirror by your clothes drawer to check your reflection. Quickly running a hand through your hair, your eyes scan for a lip balm. You catch yourself mid-act, almost cringing at the way you tried to appear presentable. What the fuck were you doing?
Swallowing the lump in your throat, you twist the handle as the door glides open, revealing no other than Choi Beomgyu on the other side. Heâs still wearing his school uniform, and his gaze quickly lands on the loose t-shirt and plain sweatpants youâre dressed in, a glimmer of distaste overshadowing his otherwise expressionless face. You ignore the silent insult as you clear your throat, âYouâre late.âÂ
Beomgyu scoffs, his eyes darting down the hall either side of him before pushing past you as he steps inside. âYouâre gonna nag me about that too?â He drawls, hands digging into his pockets as he saunters about, taking in the small space you resided in. You notice that he hasnât brought along any study materials, and you internally groan. âYes, I am. If this is going to work out then weâre going to have to work togetherâ, you state, folding your arms across your chest as if to prove your point.Â
Your partner merely hums as he fiddles with the papers scattered across your desk. âCute room youâve gotâ, he comments as he points to the entirety of your dorm. Your jaw slacks as you blink dumbfoundedly. Did he just give you a compliment? No, you catch the smugness in his voice, and the small glimpse of a smirk as he turns back to your desk. Asshole.Â
âIâm seriousâ, you huff, âthis project is important to me, we need to do well on it.â One thing you couldnât afford to screw up were your grades. Not that they were anything spectacular of the sort, in fact you were flunking French. But as long as you did well in a few of your best subjects⌠History being one of them.Â
Shoving the pen he was previously twirling between his fingers back into its container, Beomgyu turns to you with a sneer. âIf itâs so important then I reckon youâd do better by yourself, I might just slow you down.â He regards you with an apathetic expression, almost as if he was waiting for you to snap, to lash out on him and to yell. You suppose it must surprise him when you instead only shake your head, dragging yourself over to your bed as you flop down with a heavy thud.Â
âLetâs just get startedâ, you mutter, pulling your computer out as you power it on. Beomgyu cocks an eyebrow in your direction but doesnât say anything as he leans onto your desk, hands returning to their default position in his pockets. â âHow about one of us gathers information and the other one writes it down onto a powerpoint?â you suggest. He looks to be considering your words as he scratches his chin thoughtfully.Â
âFairs.â He shrugs as he pushes himself off the table and before you know it, the mattress dips next to you as he sits down. Your whole body tenses up, your eyes remaining glued to the computer screen in front of you as you avoid as much as peeking his way. You werenât scared of him. But a part of you felt so oddly on-edge whenever he was around, you couldnât quite place the feeling.Â
His body radiates warmth, a warmth that spreads over to your own, a bead of sweat accumulating on your forehead as you swallow. You werenât scared of him so why did your heart feel like it was going to beat out of your chest? â The smell of his expensive cologne, usually sickly strong as it tickles your nose, now only feels nostalgic as you breathe in. Heâs so close that your hands are on the verge of touching, his pinky inches from yours.Â
Beomgyu on the other hand seems unfazed as he peers over at your screen. âIâll do the research partâ, he states as he leans back against the headboard, âsounds less demanding.â You silently exhale in relief as he creates a safe radius of distance between the two of you, nodding as you hum in response.Â
The two of you work like that, side by side in silence for a good while. At first youâre so engrossed in your work, doing anything to distract yourself from the fact that Beomgyu was quite literally less than three inches away, on your bed, in your dorm. But as time goes by, you finally dare to tear your gaze from the screen in front of you, and sneak a small peek at him.Â
It felt almost surreal. Two years of being strangers in the halls, two years of constant insults, two years of hatred. Yet here he was, so close to you, just like he had been before everything changed, before he changed.Â
But now, the two of you were doing something so mundane together.Â
Your gaze lingers on him, even though it probably shouldnât. But you canât help the way your eyes trail across his seemingly relaxed expression. From the small, almost unnoticeable, furrow of his brows, the subtle pout of his bottom lip and the natural flush of his cheeks. Your attention strays by his dark eyes as they move along the words on his screen when reads. If you tried really hard, you mightâve been able to forget about everything that had happened, if only for a few minutes.Â
Maybe. Just maybe.Â
Suddenly, you want to reach out and touch him. To run your fingers through his long and unkempt hair, feel the skin of his hand in yours. And you almost do. Until you remember. â Things werenât like that anymore, they hadnât been for over two years. You almost recoil at the slip of your thoughts; for having allowed yourself to fantasize like that when reality was far from it. The Beomgyu before you wasnât the Beomgyu you knew back then. No. You didnât know this Beomgyu, and itâs with a bittersweet taste in your mouth that you accept said fact.Â
You think half an hour mightâve passed when you notice that somethingâs off. Thirty minutes of radio silence from his otherwise enthusiastic mouth. And as you peer over your shoulder, you find him leisurely swiping across his screen, eyes glued to something that looked far from the information he was supposed to gather. â âWhatâre you doing?â The question slips from your lips without you actually thinking it through. Beomgyuâs head turns in your direction and he watches you with an expression that said, âwhat the fuck does it look like Iâm doing?â
âI thought we agreed on working on the projectâ, you say as you point a finger toward your open laptop. Beomgyu merely shrugs, his eyes flitting back to the phone in his hand. âIâve done my partâ, he sighs and your brows knit together in confusion. A small tap of your finger leads you to the first slide of your powerpoint, in which heâd copied and pasted in what could only be pages worth of information.Â
Seemingly noting your flabbergast expression, Beomgyu huffs, âWhy, you canât expect me to seriously read all of that?â â âSo youâre saying we should just cheat our way through it?â The disbelief in your voice is palpable but he doesnât seem to pick up on it as he gives a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. âItâs not cheating. The information is out there to be used, doesnât say how to use itâ, he states. You have to bite your tongue in order to not let your words slip as you stare back at the computer screen with a puzzled face.Â
He did have somewhat of a point. But youâd rather die than admit that. Besides, his ways would surely land you a âbarely passedâ at most. And you wouldnât have that. â Grumbling out a quiet, âwhateverâ, you turn back to the powerpoint as you begin sorting through the paragraphs pasted in there. You quickly become immersed in your work, and fail to notice how Beomgyu discards his phone on the bed as he glances around your room with curious eyes.Â
You swallow a groan as you re-read the same paragraph for a third time, seemingly unable to focus with him around. Perhaps he was right, perhaps you shouldâve just bit into the lemon and done this project on your own. â âFuck, you kept this?â Beomgyuâs almost taunting voice snaps you from the text you were so close to giving up on, and you turn to him with a confused frown.Â
Though your eyes quickly widened as they landed on the bracelet Beomgyu was holding between two fingers. Suddenly your heart is racing and your breaths are coming in short. The already thick air feels even heavier and you emit a shaky exhale. The brown leather, interlaced with streaks of blue, immediately sends your mind to places you hadnât allowed it to wander for nearly two years..
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âA friendship bracelet?â you question as you eye the small piece Beomgyu had just handed you. The fine leather felt expensive and you wondered just how much heâd spent on this. It was braided together with a thinner blue thread, the cold shade a stark contrast to the warm brown leather, and your thumb slowly traces its outline as you bring it to your face.Â
Beomgyu coughs into his hand, shaking his head as he rocks back and forth on the sole of his shoes. âWhen you put it like that it sounds childishâ, he mutters, the tip of his ears radiating a warm pink and you feel your lips tug into a grin at the sight. â âItâs more like..â He hesitates, biting the inside of his cheek as his gaze strays by the bracelet in your hands:Â
âLike a piece of me.âÂ
Your eyes widen when he suddenly takes a step forward, reaching for the accessory as he plucks it from your fingers. âSo that, in a way, Iâll always be with youâ, he says as he wraps the leather around your wrist. â Itâs impossible to refrain from smiling and your cheeks heat up as he carefully fastens the bracelet around your arm. â Then your curious eyes suddenly fall on the leather around his own wrist, a darker and cooler brown intertwined with a warm red.Â
A weird and tingly sensation spreads throughout your stomach as you swallow. And before Beomgyu can withdraw his hand again, do you stop him, fingers clasping around his wrists as you bring them together. â The blues and the reds, they remind you of the friendship necklaces you wore back in elementary school. Two halves of a heart, a childish but sweet promise to be what makes the other one whole.Â
Was it childish? Probably. But it was Beomgyu, and you found that you did not care for such matters when he was around. In fact, you think you might even like it. â No, you did like it. You liked everything Beomgyu did, you liked everything about him. And though you were too shy to even admit it to yourself, you probably liked him too.Â
âItâs okay right?âÂ
His sudden question snaps you from your train of thought and you blink as your gaze returns to his warm eyes. He looksâŚnervous? Youâd never seen him like that. Beomgyu was always so adamantly prideful, and you donât think youâd ever seen him waver. But you decide that you like this side of him too, the bashful and almost cute one.Â
âI love it.â And you do, you really do. You love it so much that you keep it even when he stops wearing his. Even when he no longer represented your other half. You keep it for two years, tucked inside the top drawer of your bedside table where it resides, waiting for the day where you might finally be able to look at it without bursting into tears.Â
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âWhere did you get that?â Your tone is harsh and snappy but it barely makes him flinch as Beomgyu leisurely twirls the bracelet between two fingers. â You reach for it, but youâre too slow, and can only helplessly watch as his whole fist envelops the leather. âI expected a lot from you, granted that youâre still running your mouth about me and allâ, Beomgyu drawls as he leans back against the pillows. âBut you even kept this piece of shit?â â âI mean come on, itâs pathetic.âÂ
His words stung. Pathetic? Did he really think of your time together as that? Did he think of you as that? Of course he did, you idiot, get that through your thick skull. You hate Beomgyu. One half-successful study session in the privacy of your dorm didnât change that and it never would.Â
He probably threw his out, it would make the most sense if he did. Perhaps you shouldâve too. You switched classes, blocked his number, and avoided him as best as you could in the halls. So why had you kept that? Why did you cling to something so insignificant? Why did it bring you comfort to feel the cool leather against your palm?Â
âJust give it backâ, you groan as you meekly try and pry his closed fist open. Beomgyu looks as if heâs going to put up a fight, say something nasty back, but he doesnât. Instead he lets you untangle the bracelet from his fingers, watching as you snatch it back before throwing it on your bedside table once more. â An uncomfortable silence falls over the two of you, weighing down like dark clouds on a previously sunny day. You wait for him to say something, but he never does. He only watches you with that nearly permanent half-smirk of his, brows tugged slightly upward as his eyes flicker across your flustered frame.Â
âI think weâve done enough for today.â The statement sounds monotone and gray as it falls from your lips. And even now, you expect a reply. Foolishly so, for Beomgyu merely shrugs, swinging his legs over the mattress as he gets up from your bed. â You donât dare look up as he rounds your bed, your gaze stays by your discarded laptop. The sounds of his footsteps suddenly vanish and you carefully crank your head in the direction of your door.Â
With one hand on the handle, Beomgyu looks back at you, his eyes glimmering with something you canât quite decipher. His lips twitch into a full smirk, and for a moment, you think he might spit another insult on you. He doesnât. â âSee you in class, yeah?â Is all he says before twisting the doorknob and vanishing down the hall.Â
And as the door slams shut behind him, youâre left in an unbearable silence. Carefully you reach for the bracelet, only to find it torn in half. Â
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Beomgyu shows up to class after that. It takes you by surprise, and apparently everyone else too as heads turn in his direction when he pulls out the chair next to you. And though his work effort is minimal, heâs still there. You hate the satisfied feeling that blooms in your chest at the accomplishment. And you hate the fact that a small part of you has started looking forward to history class. But you would never tell him that, you would never tell anyone that, not even TaehyunâŚÂ
âCome on, itâs just one tiny little essay!â You complain in a distraught tone, dramatically kicking at a few stones on the road in front of you. The small rocks clash together as they roll down the gravel pathway that takes you around campus. â Taehyun squints against the bright sun that shone despite the cold December air. He shakes his head, exhaling a small cloud of condensation. Â
âItâs less than fourteen days until Christmas breakâ, he argues as he shoves his hands deep into the pockets of the large coat he wore. âWell thatâs exactly why I need your help!â You whine, throwing your frozen hands in the air. â âWith everything going on, you know the history project and all, Iâm going to seriously flunk French at this point Tae..â You sigh, turning to him with the biggest eyes you could muster as you stick your bottom lip out into a pathetic pout.Â
âPlease Tae, isnât that what friends do?âÂ
Taehyun merely spares you a quick side glance before his focus returns ahead. âYou canât pull the âfriend cardâ whenever youâre falling behindâ, he huffs. Biting the inside of your cheek, you think of another way to persuade him. âBut if we study together? Then Iâm bound to learn!â You suddenly exclaim, causing Taehyun to flinch due to your unanticipated outburst.Â
âFine..â He begrudgingly agrees, though quickly groaning as you wrap your arms around him in a tight hug. âI knew I could count on you!â You cheer before carefully letting him go again. â Itâs when you pull back that you notice the figure by the benches a few paces away. You frown, gaze narrowing down on its hunched posture. It was odd for any student to be outside between classes during the cold and harsh winter months, let alone sit perched on one of the usual summer hangout spots.Â
âWhoâs that?â You question, your footsteps coming to an abrupt halt on the rough gravel. Taehyun groans as he turns to see where you might be looking, a small noise of disapproval passing his lips. âNo one important, letâs go back insideâ, he says as he pulls you along once more. â But in the bright light of the early afternoon-sun, the black hair atop the lonesome shadowâs head seemed awfully familiar.Â
âIs thatâŚBeomgyu?â Your inquiry is met by yet another groan from your friend. Taehyun tskâs as he shoots a sneer in the direction of the lonely figure. âWouldnât that be even more reason to go back inside?â â Despite his greatest efforts, you ignore him as you venture off the small path and over the grass. Taehyun calls out for you, conflicted as his gaze flits between you and the entrance not far away.Â
With a small roll of your eyes, you stop to wave him over. But Taehyun promptly shakes his head. âFine, then go on inside, Iâll be right with youâ, you say as you readjust the bag on your shoulder. He looks puzzled for a moment, lips pressed into a thin line as he regards you with a concerned frown. âWhat are you going to do?â He asks, albeit somewhat hesitant. You merely smile, and though it didnât quite reach your eyes, Taehyun chooses not to pry further when you say: âIâm just going to ask about the project.â â He gives a curt nod before disappearing down the graveled path, hands still stuffed deep in his pockets.
Your footsteps crunch against the frosty grass and they fill the crisp winter air. The closer you get the more certain you become. It was Beomgyu. Sitting on the wooden table, his feet rest on the accompanied bench. Heâs not wearing a jacket, only the blazer he had gotten personally tailored. If he was freezing, he didnât let on to it as he remained still, his eyes focused on the ground below him.Â
The real question was, why was he out here alone? Surely he should be spending the lunch break in the cafeteria with his friends, and not on a cold bench outside in the middle of the winter. â You stop in front of him, so close that your worn out shoes break the circuit of his limited vision. He knows that youâre there, you can tell by the subtle twitch of his jaw, and the way his fingers curl against one another as his hands mold together.Â
âHey.âÂ
You greet him. Itâs polite, and when you think about it, you canât recall ever uttering the word âhelloâ to him, not for the past two years at least. It takes him a moment to finally look up, and when he does you immediately notice how sunken his eyes are, the almost grayish color of his cheeks and the pink tint to his nose. â He looked like shit.Â
Part of you wants to say something about it, to finally jab back at him for all the crude comments heâd made about you. But you canât. And suddenly, you donât know what to say at all. Why had you even approached him in the first place? The two of you hadnât spoken in private since⌠Well since the bracelet incident. Thankfully he had yet to bring it up again, but you didnât know if you could trust him not to. It was already awkward between the two of you.Â
Had you just made things worse?Â
Beomgyu looks too tired to bite back himself as he lets his gaze leisurely drift across your frame. âWhat are you doing out here?â â Fuck, that wasnât the question you were supposed to ask. Fucking idiot. But you couldnât deny the curiosity that lingered around you. What was he doing out here?Â
âThatâs none of your business.â He spits, lips curling into a small scowl, but you can tell that itâs taking him a great deal of effort. And for some reason, you care. You hate that you do. Because you should feel anything but concern. You should be celebrating his downfall. This was what you had been waiting for. So why did it feel so bittersweet?Â
You think it must have something to do with the afternoon spent on your bed. Almost an hour of complete silence, no bickering, no insults thrown. You blame yourself for getting too caught up in the moment. For letting yourself view him in a different light. â You hate Choi Beomgyu. And he hates you. Thatâs how it was supposed to be.Â
When you donât reply, he lifts his head once more. His eyes are dark, lifeless. He frowns, and for a second he looks almost irritated. âWhy do you even care?â He grunts, a flicker of disgust tracing his features, as if the mere thought of sympathy from you was enough to have him gagging. It was nice. It felt familiar. It felt like the Beomgyu you knew.Â
âI donât.â You simply shrug, letting your bag fall from your shoulder as you heave yourself onto the bench next to him. He doesnât move, but you can feel his gaze on you as he studies you intently. â You donât dare look at him, instead you keep your eyes set forward. Despite the cold and chilly temperatures, snow had yet to fall. And the naked trees now only looked dystopian as you glance around the campus grounds.Â
âWhere are your friends?â You suddenly ask, the question coming out light, just like any other. You donât expect an answer, not from him. In fact youâd prepared yourself for him to get up and leave. But he doesnât. â Beomgyu is silent for a second, you hear him draw in a slow breath, holding it for a moment before letting go. âWhat friends?â He then says, and this time he actually sounds tired.Â
Your stomach twists in an uncomfortable way, a way that was nowhere near satisfying. âWhat about the ones from the cafeteri..â â âDonât be daftâ, he cuts you off, his voice gaining a sudden sting. âYouâre not stupid. Donât pretend that you are. Itâs unattractive.â He jeers, fingers twisting against one another, as if he was trying to crawl out of his own skin.Â
âIsnât that why youâre here?â He huffs, shuffling to the side as he creates a cold metaphorical wall of distance between the two of you. âTo poke fun at me? To shove it in my face?â He sounds almost distressed, and before you can reply, he turns to you. âYou think it hasnât been already?â â For the first time since you approached, heâs looking entirely at you. And when you return his wide gaze, it feels like youâre looking at a shell of who he used to be.Â
You tell yourself that itâs the cold air. That itâs the already depressing surroundings of the dying nature around you. But Beomgyu looks just as malnourished as the trees, as pale as the sky and as beat as the frozen grass you walk on. It was easy to take pity on him like that. It was almost like he was begging for it. Begging for someone to sympathize with him. You canât imagine that anyone ever did.Â
âThatâs not why Iâm hereâ, and your statement is true. You donât know why youâd come here, but you knew that it wasnât out of malice. Because even if you did hate Choi Beomgyu, you donât think you could ever say it to his face. â He didnât know that of course. Part of you wished he did. Beomgyu scoffs, his gaze returning to the frosty ground as he bites the inside of his cheek.
Youâre scared that you might pity him forever. That things might never change. That the two of you might just be stuck in an eternal loop of hatred and unspoken feelings. â You donât know what you want, but you know that it is not that. Perhaps this history project was the start you had been looking for. MaybeâŚÂ
âAre you free friday?âÂ
â¸â¸
Your study sessions became regular after that. Beomgyu appeared to have nothing better to do with his time, and to be frank, neither did you. And though you were far from friendly with one another, none of the insults lingered. You studied in silence, him by your desk and you on your bed, as far away from each other as you could get. It was quiet, so quiet that you sometimes forgot that he was even there, save for the occasional sigh or click of his tongue.Â
At first, he would bring his phone, checking it every other second, like he hoped for something, for someone, to be there. But after four days, he stopped. And your curiosity only grew.Â
Now a mere week remained until christmas break. You and Beomgyu had been studying together for the past six days, without fail. Your presentation was nearly completed, and part of you thinks this might be amongst your last sessions together, if not your very last. â It felt strange, almost melancholic. Would you miss him? Or would you miss the company? Taehyun was your friend, sure, at least that's what you called him. But as soon as the bell rang, as soon as class ended, it was only you again.Â
So was it really so wrong to look forward to a bit of company after school? Even if said company was a grumpy and quiet Beomgyu who did his best in ignoring you whilst he was there. Maybe. â Maybe it was the slight urgency of losing the temporary comfort these quiet hours had provided you that led to the act of stupidity you were about to perform next.Â
The sun had set hours ago, casting your room in a dim glow provided by the small lamps on your bedside table and desk. You and Beomgyu had been working quietly for the past while. Now that the information was gathered and all that remained was for you to edit the last paragraphs, he used his time to decorate the powerpoint, adding relevant pictures and messing with the fonts. It wasnât hard work, but the fact that he did something, made your stomach flutter in an unfamiliar way.Â
âAre you busy next week?â You wanted to ask him if he would like to practice the presentation together. But Beomgyu kills your last glimmer of hope with a small huff, âYeah.â He doesnât turn to look at you, his eyes steadily fixed on the computer screen in front of him despite the fact that he was now only aimlessly flipping through the slides.Â
Biting the inside of your cheek, you refrain from asking if he was busy all week. You would most likely only receive a half-hearted âyesâ anyway. Instead your gaze flickers down to your keyboard, your nails quietly tapping against the keys as you think of something to say. Every second spent in his presence only seemed to pull even more questions from your already curious mind. There was so much you wanted to ask him about, even though you knew it wasnât your place.Â
Just let him go.Â
You can hear Taehyunâs voice in the back of your head, pleading for you to not pry, to keep your eyes down and mind your business. It wasnât that easy. He didnât understand. He didn't know. He didnât know Beomgyu like you did, like you thought you did.Â
âAre you sure you donât have time to come by and practice?â You canât stop yourself, the question slips out anyway, and you watch as Beomgyuâs shoulders tense before relaxing again. âI told you Iâm busyâ, he repeats in the same monotone and tired voice heâd been using for the past week. â âRightâŚâ You hold your tongue, fingers brushing over the keys on your keyboard, hovering above the space button. Your lips part, then they close, and then they part again.Â
âAre you meeting Yeonjun?âÂ
You shouldnât have asked that, you know it. Yet you did. Perhaps you wanted a reaction from him, perhaps you wanted to hear him raise his voice for the first time in over a week, perhaps you wanted him to get angry, to insult you, because it was the Beomgyu you knew.Â
His shoulders go rigid this time, and though you canât see his expression, you can still catch the twitch of his jaw. Heâs stopped swiping through the presentation slides, now stuck on the first one as he gazes ahead. For a minute, everythingâs quiet, you think he might not say anything at all. But when he speaks up, he doesnât raise his voice, instead he lowers it, until itâs nothing but a low drawl of his tongue.Â
âYou think this is funny?â The cold words send a shiver down your spine, and even though he isnât looking at you, you felt as if you were being judged under a microscope. âI⌠Iâm sorry..?â You squeak, your voice nearly inaudible but Beomgyu catches it. â He chuckles, pushing his chair back as he turns to you.Â
The fiery brown in his eyes is long gone, replaced with an ashy looking color, like he was drained of all life. His lips, usually pulled into either a scowl or a menacing smirk, remain just as unreadable as the rest of his face. â âDo you enjoy this?â He asks, but it hardly sounds like a question.Â
You gulp, fingers pressing so hard against the keyboard that you have managed to insert a whole paragraph of nonsense onto the powerpoint. Quietly shaking your head, you think of a way to salvage the toes youâd accidentally stepped on. âNo I, Iâm sorryâŚâ You swallow once more, âI justâŚI donât know what happened between youâŚI..âÂ
Beomgyuâs loud scoff cuts you off, and you watch as he gets up from the chair, kicking it back against the desk. With two long strides he reaches you by the edge of the bed. Though he was barely an inch or two taller than yourself, he somehow managed to appear menacing as he loomed over you. âHas it ever crossed your mind that it might not be any of your fucking business?â He says, his tone remaining indifferent as he glares down at you with those empty and dying eyes.Â
You bite your tongue, refraining from intervening and saying that practically everyone at school knew it. Though you were sure he already knew that too. â Beomgyu huffs out a sharp exhale, shaking his head. âEvery single fucking dayâ, he mutters, his eyes narrowing as they linger by your slightly sheepish expression. âEvery day, people like you, stick their nose where it doesnât belong.âÂ
The way he spoke, grouping you together with the other students, it shouldnât have made your chest churn the way it did. âPeople like me?â You repeat the words, tasting them on your tongue, and finding that you donât like them. Beomgyu, on the other hand, merely sends you a small look of distaste, the only emotion that had managed to pass his features in a whole week.Â
âWhat? You think youâre something else?â He jeers, frowning when you get up from the bed, straightening your back as you come face to face with him. â âI know I amâ, you say, forcing your voice to remain steady. You knew that you werenât the only one whoâs thoughts lingered in the past. You knew that he must still think of the two of you from time to time, even if only for a brief moment.Â
Beomgyu finally seems to catch on, his brows rising on his forehead when he does. He looks like heâs about to burst into laughter, you think that he might. âOh thatâs rightâ, he muses, âYou think youâre special because I was nice to you back then, because I took pity on you.â He pushes a strand of dark hair from his face with the help of his pinky, âBet it was the first time something like that happened.âÂ
You didnât want to admit that he was right, that it had been the first time someone had ever gone out of their way for you. That it had been the first time someone had ever gifted you something, apart from your own family, that it was the first time someone willingly sat with you during lunch. But your mind gets caught on that one word heâd used. Pity.Â
Was that all it was to him? A game of play-pretend, a chance for him to play hero? You shake your head, it couldnât be, it wasnât. â For two years, you had blamed Choi Yeonjun. You had blamed him for taking Beomgyu away from you, for turning him into someone you couldnât recognize, for ruining your only chance at an actual friendship, perhaps even something else.Â
It was easy to blame Yeonjun, you didn't like him, you never had. But you could never bring yourself to actually blame Beomgyu himself, because that would mean he was a bad person, and you didnât want him to be. You wanted him to remain the perfect version you had created in your head, the version you thought you liked. It became clear now, that he wasnât.Â
âYouâre a liar.âÂ
You state, fingers twitching by your sides as you resist the urge to wrap your arms around yourself. Beomgyuâs expression morphs into one of confusion, then he scoffs. âA liar?â He asks, his voice hollow: âDo you hear yourself talk? You sound fucking crazy.â â âIf you think for a second that what we have is different from any other piece of shit person in this school, youâre wrong.â He spits, eyes flaring up for the first time in so long, a small fire igniting within them.Â
He continues to list reasons, reasons to hate you, reasons to hate him, reasons to hate everything. You weren't listening. All you see is his eyes, burning with rage, with life.Â
Itâs unexplainable, the feeling that surged in your chest, that pounds against your ribcage and pulls on your lungs as it sucks the air from them. And you donât know why you took a step forward, why you let your hands brush against his, why you didnât stop when you saw the bewilderment on his face. You donât know why you leaned in closer, when you should be pulling back. â And you donât know why you couldnât look away, why you couldnât tear your gaze from the flames dancing across his eyes.Â
You donât know why you kissed him.Â
But you did.Â
And now it was too late to ever go back. â Though you're not sure you want to.Â
His lips feel soft against yours, not that you had ever stopped to think about how it would ever feel. Yet this somehow seemed right. You donât open your eyes to look at him, you donât think you could bear that. Still, youâre surprised when he doesnât immediately jerk backward, when he doesnât push you away. â Beomgyu hesitates. You think itâs the first time youâve ever seen him do. Â
The moment lasts forever, and somehow it seems to have vanished within the blink of an eye. The bed squeaks when you crash against the mattress, you can still feel the flat of his palms on your shoulders as the force heâd used to shove you away from him lingered.Â
When you peer up at him, you find him already watching you. The flames in his eyes seemed to burn even brighter now. His jaw clenches, fingers curling into fists by his sides as he struggles to keep his composure. â Your lips part, but no words come out. What was there to say? Sorry? But you werenât. I hate you? But you didnât.Â
Beomgyu speaks before you get the chance to, his nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath. âYouâre fucking insane.â Itâs all he says, not waiting for a response as he turns back to your desk. He shoves his laptop in his bag with such force that you thought its seams might break.
Then he heads for the door, reaching it in four long strides. He doesnât turn to look at you, not like he had that day. He rips it open, ignoring the squeaking sound it made when he slammed it shut behind him.Â
The silence that follows echoes through your small dorm. And you remain on your bed, motionless, staring ahead as your fingers reach up to touch your lips. â Still burning with the fire heâd igninited.Â
â¸â¸
That night was a quiet one, your dorm room basked in the eerie glow of the moon. Nothing but the soft sounds of your hushed sobs filling the confined space. Your pillow is wet, stained with your tears as you cry into the cotton. It was pathetic, really. In fact, you didnât even know why you were crying. â But as soon as the door had slammed shut, and you had been left alone with nothing but your lingering thoughts, everything had become too much to bear.Â
The events of the past few weeks finally catching up to you, breaking the dam of pent of tears youâd been so carefully keeping at bay. It felt as if it would never stop. You didnât know whether you felt humiliated, rejected or just straight up insulted. Part of you just felt stupid. What the fuck were you even thinking? Kissing him like that. The image itself makes you grimace, and with a heavy sigh you pull yourself into a sitting position.Â
After fumbling in the dark for a few moments, your fingers manage to grasp your phone. The bright light of its screen blinds you, and you squint as you scroll through your ridiculously short contact list. â The line rings for almost a whole minute, all the while you anxiously bite on your short nails, chopping the last bits of green polish from your nail beds. And when he finally picks up, itâs silent, save for the deep breaths he emits as he waits for you to speak.
âTaehyun?âÂ
Your voice comes out a lot more hoarse and strained than you had anticipated, causing you to immediately clear your throat. Taehyun groans, and you hear him shift slightly as he mutters something incoherent. âDo you know what time it is?â He finally asks in a groggy, sleep-laced tone. A spark of guilt blooms in your chest, and you throw a quick glance toward the time on your phone, showing that it was well past midnight.Â
âIâm sorryâŚI justâ, you bite your lip, hesitating for a moment. It wasnât like you didnât trust Taehyun, it was just different. You and Taehyun were different. Part of you thinks he wonât understand, that he might judge you, no you know he will. Still, he was the only one you could turn to. â âTaehyun, I think I messed up.âÂ
He doesnât answer right away, but you know heâs still there. You sit in silence for a while, just listening to his breaths, and for a moment you wonder if heâs fallen back asleep. But then he speaks, this time he sounds more awake. â âHow bad?â He asks, and somewhere in the background, you think you can make out a light being flicked on.Â
âReally bad..âÂ
â¸â¸
You had never been to Taehyunâs house before. Two years of so called friendship and you would think that youâd progressed further. But as you heave the last step leading up from the subway, you stop in order to relocate yourself. The neighbourhood looked average, yet inviting. Its quaint little houses, lined up along the dimly lit street, all reflected one another.Â
Number 14, that was the one you were looking for. Your worn out sneakers hit the asphalt with heavy thuds, and a small cloud forms when you exhale out into the cold December air. With your fingers stuffed deep in the pockets of your duvet jacket, you make a slight turn, coming face to face with house number 14.Â
It looked just like the rest, a small mailbox by the fence gate, its white paint chipped in places. You push it open, stepping up the small graveled path taking you to the doorsteps. Taehyun told you not to ring the bell, but to quietly knock. He didnât live alone, you knew that much. â He shared the small flat with one of the juniors, you think his name might be Kai.Â
You knock once, proceeding to wrap your arms around yourself as you wait anxiously for him to open. It takes him a mere thirty seconds, and when the door swings aside, you're met with the still sleep-laced figure of Kang Taehyun. â Heâs dressed in nothing but a pair of checkered sweatpants and a black t-shirt, the glasses he always wore nowhere to be seen. He looked far different like this, it takes you a moment to even recognize him.Â
Your silence mustâve been unusual, because he soon cocks an eyebrow, stepping aside as he motions for you to get in. Â
Taehyunâs place looks nothing like youâd imagined it. It was far messier. With clothes hanging off the kitchen chairs, lecture material spread over the round table and piles of books crowding the already small countertop. Still, he doesn't seem to mind the slight chaos as he reaches up to fetch two glasses from the cabinet, not saying anything as he fills them both with water from the tap.Â
This eternal silence covers you both like a thick blanket, enveloping you in a false sense of ignorance, like the fact that you were currently in his kitchen, at 3am no less, was completely normal. â Taehyun remains quiet as he walks past you and into the joint living room, you trail behind him, eyes lingering on the discarded guitar that rested against the wall.Â
The large green sofa takes up a good third of the room, and Taehyun sets your glasses down on the wooden coffee table in front of it as you take a seat. â âDo you play?â Itâs the first thing that comes to mind, not a âHello, sorry for bothering you so late at night and barging into your home.â But you canât help yourself, somewhere in the back of your mind, you hear Beomgyu, clearly remembering the day heâd told you about his love for music, no less the guitar.Â
But Taehyun merely shrugs, and when he speaks, his voice is groggy. âKai does.â The statement doesnât leave room for further questions, and you thought it was probably wise to not bother him with more small talk.Â
Reaching for the glass, your fingers wrap around its cold surface as you bring it to your lips. You sip slowly, prolonging the inevitable confession you were to make. And as the refreshing water slides down your incredibly dry throat, you sneak a glance in his direction. It felt odd, seeing Taehyun outside of school like this.Â
Your gaze lingers on his bare arms, something his uniform never allowed even as much as a glimpse of. He leans against the soft cushion of the couch, mindlessly fiddling with a small string which you had no idea where heâd gotten it from. â It mightâve been the late hour, or the change of scenery, hell it mightâve even been the fact that youâd probably made the biggest mistake of your life not even eight hours ago. But had Taehyun always looked this⌠Good wasnât the right word⌠At least you didnât think it was.Â
You suppose he looked⌠Ordinary. He looked far more relaxed than he ever did at campus, in class or in the cafeteria. This Taehyun resembles little of your class president, right now he just looks like, well him.Â
âWhy are you here?â His sudden question snaps you from your trance and your eyes immediately snap toward the water in your glass, the clear liquid swirling around slowly. Why were you here? Because you were alone, because you were scared, because you didnât have anyone else to turn to. â âI⌠I messed upâ, your deflated sigh rings out in the living room.Â
Taehyun continues to fiddle with the small string, twisting it around his thumb. âThe presentation?â He asks, but you can tell that was not what heâd actually meant. Still, you nod. âWell that one too, thatâs for sure..â You didnât even want to think about having to face him next Tuesday, much less going through with that presentation together, in front of everyone.Â
âItâs about him, isnât it?âÂ
The question was hardly needed, and you mumble out a quiet âyesâ as you set your glass down. Taehyun hums, his eyes trained to his hand. You wait for him to say something, but he doesnât. Biting the inside of your cheek, you inhaled slowly. It was better to get it out right away, wasnât it? Besides, there was no way you could sugarcoat it, no way for you to lie yourself out of this. You wanted to be honest with Taehyun, because it was easier to be honest with him than with yourself.Â
âI kissed him.âÂ
There. You said it. So why didnât the lump in your throat ease? Why did your chest still feel tight and your palms sweaty? Why couldnât it all just go away, you did what you were supposed to, you confessed. Was that not enough? â Taehyun doesnât look surprised. In fact he looks almost amused. As if he was betting with himself, ultimately ending up winning as you said what heâd already expected you to.Â
âI think he hates me even more now. No - I know he does.â You canât stop the words from flowing, all your pent up emotions rolling off your tongue in one swift motion. âI donât think heâs ever going to talk to me again. And Iâll probably have to do the presentation alone. But I donât reckon heâll tell anybody, Iâm sure heâs embarrassed about being associated with me. Fucking entitled asshole.â The last part comes out with slight distaste.Â
âDonât you agree?â You turn to Taehyun whoâs been listening quietly. Finally, he glances up from the string heâs fiddling with. He sighs, âI think you shouldâve stayed away from him just like I told you to.â â His words made your chest tighten even further, but they were not surprising. You knew what his response would be, you had known before you even picked up the phone to call him. Still, you did it. Because even if he told you what youâd already heard so many times before, it was something, and something was better than nothing.Â
âWhy did you do it?â You quietly ask him, your question coming out nearly inaudible. âHm?â His dark eyes, the ones you used to watch behind the thick lens of his glasses, shift over to you. â âWhy did you write his essay?â Your sudden change makes him pause, his fingers stilling around the thin thread heâd been twirling for the past minutes. Taehyun looks at you, but you can tell heâs not actually looking at you.Â
âWhat do you mean?â It takes him almost a whole minute to reply. That had never happened before. Holding your tongue, you consider your next words carefully. Youâd been wanting to ask him about that day in the hallway for so long now, it had been pestering you for weeks, like an itch you couldnât quite scratch. Because if it was one thing you couldnât understand, it was why someone like Taehyun, would do something like that, for someone like Beomgyu.Â
âDoes he have something on you? Is he bullying you?âÂ
Taehyun shakes his head, his jaw clenching as he discards the thread between his fingers. âNoâ, he finally states, his voice firm. He was lying. He had to be, right? â âThen why?â You knew you were pushing far, too far, but you wanted, no, needed answers. But he only averts his gaze, his attention fixed on something far ahead. You try to follow his line of sight, your own eyes landing on the crowded bookshelves.Â
Books. Your lip twitches at the sight of pages worth of study material. But as you survey the shelves closely, you find that theyâre neatly organised, unlike the chaos that spread through the rest of the house. From different subjects, all neatly categorized, yet one book remained alone, separated from the rest. You didnât recognize its cover.Â
âLatin.âÂ
Taehyunâs thoughts seem to align perfectly with yours as he, too, eyes the lonesome book. âI didnât know you took latin..â You murmur, still not tearing your gaze from the shelf. Beside you, Taehyun hums before going silent once more. That silence lingers for another thick and heavy minute. The darkness of his living room closing in on you, the sounds of your quiet breaths remaining the only signs of life.Â
âHardly anyone picks latinâ, he then adds, nodding toward the book on the very edge of the shelf. You nod, even though you donât exactly understand where heâs going with this. Taehyun sighs, and he sounds tired, âPicked it âcause I felt bad.â â âThe professor would hardly have a class to teach this semester if it wasnât for me.âÂ
You frown, shifting back to him as your lips part in an unspoken question. But Taehyun doesnât need to look at you to know what goes on inside your head. â He shrugs, âYou asked me why.âÂ
The silence that follows his last words did not feel as heavy as the others. It merely feltâŚconfusing. Your gaze drops to your hands, placed neatly on your lap. Exhaling through your nose, you begin picking away at your already chipped nail polish, watching as the red flakes fell to your knees. Latin⌠He picked it out of pity? Not because he enjoyed it but because he felt bad?Â
But what did Latin have to do withâŚÂ
âDid you want to do it?â Taehyun suddenly asks, and it felt weird, because he hardly asked questions about you, and especially not about Beomgyu. â The lump in your throat bounces back twice as big this time, and your fingers still. âYes.â If there was one thing you were sure of, it was that. You wanted to kiss Choi Beomgyu, and you had.
âI donâtâŚâ You begin but quickly trail off. Taehyun is patient. He waits for you to continue, he waits for two whole minutes, until finally, you say: âI donât regret it.â â âAnd I wish I could tell him that.âÂ
Taehyun shifts on the green cushion, turning so that heâs now facing you. His gaze isnât the narrowed and sharp one youâd grown so accustomed to. This oneâs gentle, almost soft. â âSo why havenât you?âÂ
â¸â¸
âWhat the fuck is your problem?âÂ
The voice is sharp, and you think you might recognize it. It makes you halt, stopping just as you were about to round the corner taking you to the dormitories. With your back now pressed against the cool wall, you freeze, listening to the conversation taking place. You had mindlessly been returning to the place you called home after a long day of classes, when suddenly two arguing voices caught your attention.Â
âMy problem?â, Beomgyu spits, his tone harsh and defensive, âFucking hell man, have you even seen yourself lately?âÂ
The other voice, which you now recognize as Yeonjun's, cuts back with an equal bite. âOh come on, just admit that you have something against her. â Itâs not like youâve ever tried to hide it.â
Beomgyu remains quiet, the air feeling dense and heavy with unspoken feelings. âI donât have anything against her.â He pauses and you wonder what his face might look like right now, furious, deflated? He exhales, âItâs you, okay? Youâre the issue here.âÂ
You could almost hear the surprise as it radiated off of Yeonjun, and you manage to get a glimpse of one of his arms as he shifts on the spot. âThe fuck is that supposed to mean?â He sounds confused, agitated almost.Â
âIt means..â Beomgyu begins, though quickly cutting himself short as he inhales. âIt means youâve changed, alright. â And I donât know what the fuck is going on with you but you..â He trails off, the frustration at not being able to say what he wants, what he feels, is palpable and you shift uncomfortably against the wall as you hold your breath.Â
Yeonjun scoffs, it sounds almost like laughter. âOh, so I get a girlfriend and suddenly canât hang anymore?â â âYes.â Beomgyu immediately responds. âYou and that fucking good for nothing ner-âÂ
Thud.Â
It sounds almost as if one of them had shoved the other against the wall and your eyes widened as you resist the urge to take just a single step forward, to round the corner and see for yourself. â Yeonjun is the first to speak. âYou fucking watch your mouth!â He snarls and you can make out Beomgyuâs low groan as he splutters against what you presumed to be Yeonjunâs chokehold on him.
âOr what?â He counters in a strained voice, the teasing edge evident, the one he used to mask how hurt he was.
The sound of Yeonjunâs fist connecting with what could only be Beomgyuâs face echoes through the otherwise empty hallway and your heart drops to your stomach. But Beomgyu merely chuckles. âShe ruined everythingâ, he grumbles, merely adding fuel to the fire.Â
âShut your mouth.âÂ
Beomgyu snickers, and Yeonjunâs frustration bounces off the walls. Youâd heard enough, and you certainly werenât going to risk staying and ending up in the middle of it. So you turn around, and just as quickly as you had come, you retreat again.Â
â¸â¸Â
You nervously pace your room, mumbling the words to yourself over and over, trying your hardest to memorize them. It had dawned on you that you would be doing this alone, and now what remained was to learn everything. But no matter how many times you circled your bed, you always found yourself off track, needing to double check your laptop over and over.Â
You were slowly becoming desperate. Nothing seemed to work in your favor. â You curse yourself for letting your feelings get the better of you. For being naive, for thinking that he actually felt something, anything for you. Had you just restrained yourself, had you just held back⌠You wouldnât be in this situation right now.Â
Anxiously gnawing on your nails, your teeth scrape their beds as you re-read the paragraphs written on the powerpoint for the fifthteenth time. The sentences had started to blur, the words merging with one another slowly. â You shake your head, willing yourself to stay focused, to not let your emotions get the better of you, again.Â
But then there it is. A loud, almost frantic, knock at your door. â Knock! Knock!Â
Your head jerks in its direction, the presentation long forgotten about as your eyes narrow on the dark oak. You throw a glance at the time, 8:29 pm, what could anyone possibly want you at this hour? â But the knocking persists.Â
Knock! Knock! Knock!Â
Itâs loud, flaring like thunder through your dormitory and it makes you jump. Naturally, you do the only thing that comes to mind; you approach, with both curious and wary steps. Your hesitant hand reaches for the handle, the other one twisting the lock as you pull the door open. â The sight that greets you on the other side is nothing you couldâve ever imagined.Â
Beomgyu looks even worse than he had a week ago. The bags under his eyes were a permanent look now, dark and sunken in. His long hair falls in uneven sections down the sides of his face, a few strands sticking to his forehead, covered in a sheen layer of sweat. Even his expensive uniform was messed up, tie hanging loosely around his neck and his white shirt torn by the seams.Â
You can only make out half his face, the rest shielded by his unkempt and dark hair. But what stood out was the large and angry bruise covering his cheek. Its blue and purple hues were a stark contrast to his honey-like skin. You knew where heâd gotten that. His breaths come out ragged, shallow, like heâd ran here. Perhaps he had. Your lips part, but before you can get the question out, heâs barging inside, slamming the door shut behind him. â âBeomgyu what..â Your words fall short as he pushes his hair from his face, revealing his dark eyes to you.Â
They were burning with the same fire they had been that night, the night you kissed him. The flames dance across his bottomless irises. You think that if you got too close, youâd end up burning yourself. Another part of you thinks itâs too late to take cover. That you had already walked inside and sealed the door shut behind you, and now you would burn with him.Â
He takes a step forward, the fire drawing in closer and you squint against its flames. His chest heaves, it clouds your narrowed vision as he backs you up against the nearest wall. Something had happened, something had made him like this, because this was not the Beomgyu you knew. The Beomgyu you knew would be repulsed to even as much as near you, to even breathe the same circuit of air as you.Â
He is not the Beomgyu you know. Because the Beomgyu you know would never kiss you.Â
But this one does, and itâs without hesitating that his hands reach for your face, cupping both cheeks in his blazing hot palms as he brings your face to his. â Your eyes widen, alarm bells going off in your mind, screaming for you to push him back, to demand answers from him. So why donât you? Why do you let him kiss you, why do you let him toy with you like this?Â
Beomgyu did not like you. He hated you. That was a fact. Not because heâd said so himself, or because he treated you like he did. But because it was the reality you had been feeding yourself for so long. It put you at ease, knowing that he hated you, because if he did, then he at least felt something for you. You werenât just another face in the halls, your time together wasnât just a figment of his or your imagination, it had been real. The two of you were real, and the resentment and hate was a confirmation of just that.Â
So when his lips press against yours, warm and wet, his tongue slips inside your mouth without waiting to hear your startled yelp.. The reality you had built for yourself suddenly starts to crumble. Everything was wrong, this was not how it was supposed to be. â You had allowed yourself a slip up last week, a moment of weakness. You had kissed him. For a brief, short and awfully painful moment you had let your own desires consume you. And you had paid the price.Â
This time Beomgyu was acting on his desires, not yours. And that scared you.Â
His chest is flush against yours, his grip on your face unwavering as he forces your lips to meet in a searing kiss. You donât understand. You thought you had him all figured out, this wasnât supposed to happen, why is he⌠â âBeomgyu, stop!â Your nails dig into his shoulders, tearing him off of you with all your might. He separates from you, if only an inch, the kiss coming to an abrupt stop as youâre left panting.Â
His lips are coated in saliva, a small string connecting the two of you before it breaks just a second later. You barely recognize him. âWhatâs going on?â The question is accusing, your voice laced with confusion and anger.Â
Beomgyu remains silent, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he exhales a final heavy breath. His jaw clenches when he swallows, and his dark eyes flicker down to your lips once more. â âShut up.â Itâs all he says, but thereâs no malice in the way he does. It sounds almost like a plea. And the fire within his eyes seems to burn even brighter as his gaze meets yours. âPlease just shut up.âÂ
You did not want to shut up. You wanted to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing. You wanted to show him just how it felt when he rejected you just days prior. You wanted to tell him that he was âfucking insaneâ and slam the door shut in his own face. â You did none of that.Â
The next kiss is initiated by you, not him. Itâs soft, and it reminds you of the one youâd given him last week. Slow, hesitant, but tender. And Beomgyuâs hands reluctantly drop from your face, gently sliding down your arms and sides before settling on your waist. â You had known for a long time now that you felt empathy for him. That you pitied him. Perhaps it was why you let him use you.Â
Tomorrow he would not speak of this. He would act as if it never happened, he would bury it as deep as he could. He might think that this is his only solution today, that this will be his solace for whatever mightâve set him off. But it isnât, and when this night morphs into dawn, he will realize that. â You donât want him to.Â
You should tell him to stop right now. Heâll only end up hurting you, not that he cares, he never had. But you, you should care. So why donât you?Â
Your fingers tug his already loose tie off, letting it slip from his neck before you work on his shirt, hastily unbuttoning it. Beomgyu follows in your tracks, letting you shrug the torn garment from his shoulders before he reaches for the pajama pants you wore. â You stop him, your hand on his wrist. âOn the bed, pleaseâ, you whisper against his lips.Â
His nod is barely noticeable before he hoists you into his arms. The sudden action startles you and you cling to him in shock as he gently places you down onto the mattress. He just about bothers to shove your laptop to the floor, muttering something incoherent about being able to get you a new one if it broke. You canât find it in you to care, not when he climbs on top of you, the bed squeaking beneath his weight as he does.Â
You feel warm, fuzzy, intoxicated even. Bleary eyes finding his as he hurriedly presses his lips against yours again. It was almost as if he was trying to drown out whatever thoughts plagued his mind as his hands grabbed at whatever part of you he could access. â His fingers hook around the waistline of your pajama pants, attempting to tug them off once more, and this time he succeeds.Â
The air of your dormitory is cool against your naked skin, causing goosebumps to flare across it as Beomgyu slides your clothes down your body. He was moving fast, almost too fast. For some reason you let him, even though you know you probably shouldnât. He was being selfish right now, wasnât he? Using you like this, only to quiet his own worries, to soothe his own pain. He didnât care for your feelings and he never would, not even now as his hands hover above your panties, fingers tracing their lining with eagerness.Â
Or perhaps you were the selfish one? He clearly wasnât thinking straight. The Beomgyu you knew would never stoop to this level, he would never go for someone like you, and you would never allow it.. Right? â Were you selfish for using him in this state, for egging him on even when you knew that the two of you were to regret this in the morning?Â
Maybe.Â
You donât care.Â
His fingers slide beneath the fabric of your pantines, running between your folds, circling your clit once as he pulls a shaky gasp from you. Your hands are still gripping his shoulders, nails digging into the skin there, leaving crescent like shapes in their wake. â He doesnât wait, doesnât drag the process out. You can tell that his mind is set on one thing. Thatâs okay, so were yours. Right?Â
You cry out when he pushes two fingers inside of your aching cunt, curling them meticulously as his lips trail down your jaw. Your hips arch off the bed, meeting his movements as you wordlessly beg for more. â âBeomgyu, we⌠we should..â You didnât even know what you wanted to say, the feelings swirling within your chest were difficult to convey.Â
But he wonât have a word of it. âShut upâ, he grunts, the palm of his free hand pressing against your pelvis as he shoves you back against the mattress. Heâs rough, surprisingly so. Youâd always taken him for a little bitch. But his strength startles you, as well as sending a shot of heat through your stomach, making you clench around his fingers.Â
If he notices it, he doesnât bother to comment, which is unusual for him. Something bad mustâve happened, thatâs all you can think. Something so bad had happened that his only resolve was you. The thought of him using you to get over whatever had hurt, it should upset you. It should make you feel small and insignificant, but it never did.Â
Beomgyu tugs your panties down, throwing them over his shoulder as he parts your already spread legs. â Your hands glide over the apex of his shoulders, and you blink up at him expectantly. He doesnât return your gaze. That hurt.Â
Instead he focuses on the zipper of his uniform pants, undoing it with a harsh tug before slipping hand down his pants. His low groan pierces the thick and hot air, the sound is one so sinful, one you could have never imagined coming from his lips. â Your eyes dart down to his cock when he pulls it free, tongue subconsciously darting out to wet your lips as you regard the way he languidly strokes himself.
âTouch yourselfâ, he says, his voice low and gruff as he eyes your dripping cunt. â Surprised, you hesitantly comply as you reach a hand down between your thighs, fingers experimentally dragging across your core. The small moan that slips off your tongue makes your face heat up as you avoid his gaze.Â
You push two fingers inside of your pleading cunt, not even bothering to put on a show for him as you let yourself become immersed in how it feels, how good it feels. In fact everything felt good, a little too good, when you know it shouldnât. â You watch him through the corner of your eye, catching the bead of precum that slid down his veiny shaft. And your stomach flutters uncontrollably when he squeezes around himself, letting his head tip back with a strained moan.
When heâs evidently had enough, he pushes your hand away, ignoring your cries as you lose any semblance of pleasure. Though your loss is soon replaced by the head of his cock as he slides it between your folds. It bumps against your clit, making you shudder as your fingers twist in the bed sheets. â Your lips part, but Beomgyuâs hand covers them again.Â
âDonât.â He grunts, his attention focused on the way his thick cock gently eases itself inside your warm cunt. Your eyes widen, a small and muffled noise of pleasure leaving you as you squirm beneath him. â âDonât say anythingâ, he nearly pleads, his dark and burning gaze flickering to your face for a brief moment.Â
Your chest contracts, you didnât understand.. Yet you complied, sealing your lips off to anything that wasnât a cry or a moan. â Beomgyuâs pace is rough, leaving no room for you to argue as he snaps his hips against yours. The bed frame rattles against your wall, and you briefly worried that the sound would carry into the next room. Beomgyu doesnât seem to care.Â
His hand slides off of your lips, resting on the mattress just inches from your face as he hovers above you. â Stifling a small whimper, you reach up to touch him, any part of him that you could. This was your chance, no?Â
You can feel every twitch of muscle as you drag your fingertips along his arms, letting your hands glide across his tense shoulders. Beomgyu shudders when you reach the nape of his neck. â He complies when you pull him down for another kiss. This one starts out slower, but quickly morphs into something that could easily match the pace he was keeping. His teeth pull your bottom lip into his mouth, biting down with a force that startles you, a surprised moan ripping from your throat.Â
He made you feel nearly delirious, like you didnât exist, nothing felt real. But at the same time, you could feel everything at once. He was so close, closer than he'd ever been to you. Not even back then, back when you considered him your friend. Not even then did it feel like this.. Raw, scorching hot, burning and most importantly, alive.Â
Your chest is already hurting, already mourning the loss of him that was to come. Why couldnât you just allow yourself to live in the moment, to give in to your desires completely, even if they were beyond what you knew to be possible. This was real, he was here, with you. For now, for tonight, everything was different, and you should let it be just that.Â
âI love you.âÂ
The confession slips past your lips. It carries out into the dim room, bouncing off the walls, ringing in your ears and pounding against your ribcage. Beomgyu stills inside of you, his dark eyes immediately landing on yours as they narrow. â Fuck. You shouldnât have said that. Did you even mean it? Or had you let your flimsy emotions get the better of you once again.Â
But this wasnât just a small peck on the lips. Something you could pull back from, something you could wipe off your mouth and forget about. This was you baring your heart to him. This was you showing your most vulnerable self. â This was you being selfish.Â
Beomgyuâs face twists into a scowl, the way it did whenever he tried to mask how hurt he was. Because thatâs what he was tonight. Hurt. Itâs why heâd come here. To use you. To let himself forget. Heâd begged you to be quiet. â And you had done the exact opposite.Â
âYou donât.â His statement is cold, and it sends a shiver down your spine. âYou donât know what youâre sayingâ, he grunts. And his expression hardens when you insistently shake your head.Â
âI doâ, your lips press into a thin line, determination flickering across your features. That was a lie. You did not know if you loved him. But you knew that you pitied him, that your heart ached for him. It was like every punch to his gut went straight to your heart. â Perhaps the hurt was so strong that you had confused it with love. Maybe your empathy for him got mistaken for real feelings in your mind. Â
How should you know? It wasnât like youâd ever felt it before.Â
And he hadnât either. You were sure of it.Â
âI know what Iâm..â â âI said you donât know anything!â Beomgyuâs voice cuts you off, it sounds like a scream. Ear-piercing and deafening. Beomgyu was yelling at you. And it scared you.Â
He shifts above you, elbows digging into the mattress and you suddenly remember that his throbbing cock is nestled within your cunt. You think he might pull back, that he will get up and leave. Thatâs what he should do. But he doesnât. â Instead he jolts back into action, snapping his hips against yours with newfound force, his jaw clenching as his dark eyes bore into you.Â
âYouâre confusedâ, he jeers, and you choke back a wanton moan when his thumb circles your clit. âLot of girls get confused when theyâre stuffed with cockâ, he scoffs, âAnd youâre no different.â â Beomgyu was back to his old self, the cruel and menacing one. The Beomgyu that fronted whenever he tried to hide his true feelings, when the real him was feeling weak. You shouldâve seen it coming, really. But his words still hurt, they always did.Â
He rams himself into you, making your thighs quiver as they meekly wrap around his chest, drawing him even closer. You screw your eyes shut, not wanting to see him for as much as another second. He doesnât seem to care, in fact he hardly seems to care about anything at the very moment.Â
His fingers are harsh against your clit as he drinks in every moan you emit. And when you finally finish around his cock, your cunt fluttering around him, he doesnât say anything. You pant, still refusing to look at him as you catch your breath. His thick cock makes you wince as it continues to push into you with demand.Â
Beomgyu pulls out wordlessly. Hissing out into the quiet air as he cums all over your spread thighs, his sharp intake of air pounding in your ears. His release is warm, a sickening contrast to the cold sweats that had broken out on your body. It nearly makes you shiver.Â
A new kind of silence follows after that. One full of knowing. Because you both knew that what had transpired tonight, was not something you would ever talk about again. The unanswered questions would never be brought to discussion. And you were supposed to be okay with that. You were supposed to be okay with this.Â
You donât know if you ever will be.Â
â¸â¸Â
The bed was empty that following morning. The only trace of Beomgyu were the rustled sheets where heâd slept. And you spent nearly an hour tracing their patterns with the tips of your fingers, following every crease of duvet carefully as you memorized the shape of him.Â
You knew that this was how it was going to end, as nothing more but yet another mistake. Another reason for him to hate you, and you him. Which is why you shouldnât feel this melancholic. He sure as hell wasnât. So why should you suffer? Yet it takes everything in you to drag yourself out of bed that day.Â
The water is scorching hot against your skin, and you lean against the cool tiles as you close your eyes. But no matter how hard you scrubbed, how many layers of soap you covered yourself beneath. The feeling of his hands never went away. You almost thought you could see them, the faint outlines of his hands, all over your body. And as soon as you let your mind wander, even for just a second, you could feel him on you again.Â
With a shudder you shake your head, promptly turning the water from flaming hot to an icy cold. The warmth reminded you of him, of the fire in his eyes and the burn of his touch. Cold water did not remind you of anything, that was better.Â
Part of you had thought, almost hoped, that he would come to you, that he would beg of you to keep quiet, to not utter a single word about the night that had been. But he never did. Presentation day comes, and it passes again. It wasnât very dramatic, in fact, it was like nothing had changed at all.Â
Beomgyu showed up. He didnât look you in the eyes when he took his papers from you. He didnât look at you during the presentation, he kept his gaze ahead, fixated on the rest of your joint classes. He didnât speak to you before, during, or after it. Not even a simple, âwell doneâ or even a âthanksâ when youâd offered to take his papers and throw them away for him.Â
His indifference hurt the most. Perhaps the night had meant nothing to him. It had been just as you suspected, a way for him to forget. Forget whatever it was that had happened with Yeonjun that afternoon. â It had worked. Beomgyu seemed to have forgotten, but you remembered, you remembered far too much.Â
Winter break began a mere three days later.Â
A different kind of excitement lingered in the air. No matter how old you got, the joy of Christmas never seemed to dull peopleâs spirits. Almost three weeks to spend with family and friends, three weeks away from the tortuous hell that was college. Except you would stay right where you were.Â
This would be the third Christmas you spent on campus. And while the school offered the remaining students to gather in the cafeteria for present unwrapping and long movie marathons, it was never the same as the warm embrace of home. â But home has long since lost its meaning to you. And Christmas no longer felt like a holiday.Â
Taehyun had left as well, leaving you with nothing but your own thoughts to reconcile with. Suppose it was during the holidays you realized just how lonely you were. That hurt, of course. â You would spend your days doing mundane things, like reading, writing, drawing⌠Anything to get your mind off of the almost depressing reality you faced. It usually only worked for an hour or so. It was like a constant loop of distraction, one where you chased the comfort that slowly slipped from your fingers.Â
But you were tired of chasing.Â
â¸â¸
Your worn out sneakers make an awful squeaking noise against the polished floors and the sound rings in your ears. Itâs all you can hear, which serves to quiet your thoughts for a moment, proving to be quite the distraction.Â
The long hallways are eerily empty and quiet, it gives them an almost uncanny feeling. Campus no longer felt like campus, more like a shell of its former self. You knew that it would change as soon as break was over of course, but for now you were forced to make your way down the vacant halls all alone in order to get to the cafeteria and have dinner.Â
It was for these exact reasons that the sudden tap to your shoulder made your heart drop.Â
With a quick spin of your heel, you come face to face with the person youâd least expected to see. â His dark hair is nicely done, and his eyes glimmer with a kindness that two months ago would have had you doing a double take. Snow had melted on the shoulders of his jacket, and the tip of his nose was a bright red. An almost gentle smile is splayed across his rosy lips, and he gives a nervous chuckle. You almost didnât recognize Choi Yeonjun.Â
âHey uh..â He scratches the back of his neck rather awkwardly, his eyes darting around the empty hallway. âYou donât happen to know if thereâs someone with keys to classroom 017? - My girl forgot one of her books in there before the break you see..â â You remain silent. You donât think youâd ever had a decent conversation with Yeonjun, ever. It had all been mean and crude comments, nasty smirks and awfully childish pranks where you became a laughing stock.Â
So to say that it felt a little weird to be approached by him like this, well that would certainly classify as an understatement. Your first instinct was to walk away, to leave him hanging like he deserved or perhaps you should belittle him on his obliviousness, did he not know all keys were held in the lobby? You refused an eye roll. â For the first time since your night with Beomgyu, a different kind of emotion blossoms within your chest.Â
Anger.Â
Your mind easily recognizes Yeonjun as the one whoâd taken Beomgyu from you two years ago. It was him who youâd blamed for the way Beomgyu turned out, it was him who was at fault. It was him⌠HeâŚÂ
You swallow, giving him a small nod, âThink there should be someone up by the lobby.â The polite words sting on your tongue, your fingers itching as they clenched and unclened. Yeonjun on the other hand, smiles, his grin stretching wide as he thanks you. What had changed?Â
âI best head there then.â With his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his jeans, he turns and begins his journey down the lifeless corridor. You watch him, eyes trailing over his figure for a moment before you call out. â âHey, wait!âÂ
He pauses, turning back to you with raised brows. You march forward without giving yourself the chance to think it over once more. The sounds of you sneakers squeaking against the floors becomes almost deafening but you disregard it as you come to a halt before him. Straightening yourself up, you hold his confused but intrigued gaze.Â
âYou were friends with Beomgyu, right?â It wasnât a question, but you phrased it like one anyway. The smile immediately falls from his face upon hearing your words, and for a split second, the old Yeonjun, the face you recognized in the halls fronted. His lips twist into a small scowl and his dark brows furrow. âWhatâs it to you?â His voice had grown sharp, almost snappy, perhaps youâd hit a sore spot.Â
Something had happened.Â
Yeonjun studies you for a moment longer, his brown eyes drinking in your frame. His tongue prods against the inside of his cheek, and he looks almost thoughtful. Then he huffs a short breath, it sounded almost like a laugh. â âOh, yeah thatâs right. I know who you are.â He stated it like it was an insult, like your name weighed heavy, and for all the wrong reasons.Â
You can feel the confusion evolve on your face, he can too. âWhy, I bet heâs told you everything. Bet he came running to you like a bitch.â Yeonjunâs menacing sneer is far from unfamiliar and your chest twists at his words. What was that supposed to mean? â âI donât know what youâre talking about.â It was true. You had no idea what had happened between the two of them.Â
Itâs silent for a moment, and Yeonjun studies you closely, as if searching for lies. When he finds none his shoulders visibly relax. He lets out a short breath, averting his gaze, as if the confrontation of the subject made him uncomfortable. â âHeâs an immature bitch, what do you want me to say?â He doesnât hesitate as his eyes snap back to you, this time with something akin to fury.Â
âCouldnât accept my girl so why should I accept him. â But come on now, heâs told you that already.âÂ
You donât answer. Your fingers nervously fiddles with one another as your hands rest by your sides. What was he talking about? What was there for you to know. â Your silence seems to make the pieces fall together in his mind, finally assembling a large puzzle and Yeonjunâs face lights up. âOh shitâ, he huffs, âHe hasnât told you anything at all.â Itâs a statement, one that makes your heart drop.Â
He runs a hand through his dark hair, a near sinister grin playing on his lips. âFucking hell.â â He glances down the hall, which was ironic considering how blatantly vacant it was, then he turns back to you. âI thoughtâ I mean Iâ, interrupting himself only to clear his throat, Yeonjun looks to be fighting back yet another laugh. âI mean I thought you guys wereâŚâÂ
Shaking his head, he drags the flat of his palm across half his face. âFuck, I guess not. Thatâs sad. Really.â â You want to object, tell him that whatever assumption he was currently making was wrong. You wanted to tell him that you and Beomgyu were exactly that. But that would be a lie. And youâd had enough of those.Â
âDo you not miss him?âÂ
The question takes him by surprise, and Yeonjun pauses as he glances back at you. For a moment he looks offended, taken aback by your bluntness. His lips curl into a small scowl, the one he used to wear in the halls, not anymore though, now it was reserved for only one person, Beomgyu. â âDonât think thatâs any of your business, no? â I mean you guys arenât even..â He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth in a disappointing manner.Â
âJust stay in your own laneâ, he then adds, giving you a quick one over. âYouâre better off without him anyway. â Heâll only bring you down with him.âÂ
Without another word, Yeonjun walks away. And you donât stop him. For some reason, his words hurt. They were never directly targeted your way, so why did it hurt to hear him talk bad about Beomgyu? â Why did you feel the need to take on his pain as well, why did you feel the need to carry a burden that was never yours.Â
The walk to the cafeteria feels even heavier than usual, and you barely get any food down that evening.Â
â¸â¸
The days sort of blend together when you have nothing to do. Theyâre rolling on a loop, one after the other, and each one would follow the same mundane pattern. With only a day to spare before Christmas, you finally drag yourself off campus grounds, determined to at least make an attempt at lifting your spirits.Â
Stores are beyond crowded, and you get shoved left and right as you swim your way through the large masses. God, had none of these people done their Christmas shopping with at least a little margin? â Supposedly not.Â
You didnât know what you wanted, hardly anything seemed to catch your eye. Still, you scour the near empty racks, even when nothing appeals. A small cry to your right diverts your attention in said direction where a young girl clings to her mom. â âI want this one!â She whines, her tiny feet stomping against the hard ground. Her mom sighs but eventually complies, shoving yet another toy in their already full cart. She looked exhausted.  Â
Your gaze lingers on the tired moms who rushed about with bags stuffed full, on the dads who checked off lists, on the workers who wiped sweat from their forehead as they tried to get through the long line of customers waiting to pay.Â
All this commotion for a single day of the year. As much as the thought itself made you want to snort, there was also an undeniable sense of longing that filled your chest. You, too, wanted to rush about, you wanted to have to worry about what to get people for Christmas. You wanted to stay up late and wrap presents, you wanted to see the joy on their faces, hear their laughs.Â
You didn't want to be alone.Â
Walking was nice. But it becomes tiresome after a while. With your coat wrapped snugly around your body, you stroll the campus grounds absentmindedly. The cold air made your nose freeze and your cheeks sting, but you refused to return to your dorm just yet. There was something so comforting about being swallowed by the shivers running down your spine, or perhaps it was just numbing, like medicine, only it would never cure you.Â
The frosty grass crunches beneath the sole of your shoes, and you trudge forward with heavy steps. There was but a thin and crisp layer of snow, one that could be erased with the swipe of your foot. So much for a white Christmas, you thought with a bitter scoff. â Your fingers are on the verge of falling off, but you clutch the small bag in your hand anyway, swinging it back and forth in tune with your casual strides.Â
You pass a most familiar bench, now coated in a thin blanket of white but undoubtedly the same. Without thinking twice you come to a halt, feet melting into the ground as they force you in place. Furrowed brows press against your narrowed eyes as you peer over at the very same spot where you had seen Beomgyu sitting not long ago, all by himself.Â
Everything seemed to remind you of him, even when all you wanted was to forget his mere existence. You look away, blinking the hurt from your eyes as you glance toward the entrance leading back inside, leading to warmth and to safety. You should go, you should go there now. But itâs impossible to get yourself to move forward, your legs refuse to carry you and you feel your knees buckle.Â
With one harsh shake of your head you pull yourself from the small trance. And finally you move, but it is not the entrance you approach. â The old bench squeaks under your weight, and with the help of a gloved hand you dust the worst snow off.Â
Sigh. Everything looked different now, yet it was as though nothing had changed. You close your eyes, and for a second you could almost imagine him as he sat beside you, sharing a laugh and perhaps even melting the cold away with your hand in his. The image pains you just as much as it warms you.Â
Had it not been for the cold, the moment out on the bench might have even been tranquil. But the harsh winds soared through your body, chilling you to your core as it forced you to huddle in on yourself. You suck in a sharp breath, the cold air slicing down your throat as you force your almost numb lips together.Â
Arms wrapped around yourself and fingers digging into your forearms, youâre so busy keeping the cold out that it takes you almost a whole minute to recognize the soft patter of frozen grass crunching beneath feet. But when the sound does reach your ears, your head jerks in its direction.Â
There, on the other side of the once grassy field, without as much as a uniform or school bag in sight, is Beomgyu. Youâre taken aback by his casual appearance, much so that you almost completely disregard his even more unusual visit. But only almost. â What was he doing here? He had a lot of people to spend Christmas with, no? What business did he have on campus?Â
You shift on the old bench, the squeaking noise of the wood however, catches his attention. You swallow when his dark eyes find yours, even from across the field. For a split second you think that he might just keep on walking, to continue his act of nonchalance, as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you, and that you were crazy for even suggesting such a thing.Â
But Beomgyuâs gaze doesnât harden, nor does it lessen. In fact his expression remains completely impassive, though his actions speak for him. He puts one foot before the other, and itâs not until heâs gotten about halfway across the field that you realize where heâs headed. Your stomach drops as you watch him push his hands into the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders slumped as he approaches. Your gaze flickers to the bag in your hands, swallowing nervously as you tune in to the sound of his footsteps nearing.Â
Beomgyu doesnât say anything when he sits down beside you, and you listen to the squeaking noise the bench makes in protest to yet another element of weight. You peer at him through the corner of your eye. His hair was shorter, the dark strands no longer reached the nape of his neck but stopped just below his ear. Even the bruise on his face had begun to fade, now it was a mere light purple, with splotches of red coating its edges. Lastly, the tip of his nose, which was an uncharacteristic shade of pink, one you found to be almost endearing.Â
Your attention travels to the clothes he wore, the jacket looked expensive, undoubtedly more than you could afford even if you saved all your moneyâs worth. Funnily enough, he doesnât seem to care for it as his fingers lazily pick at its seams. Beomgyu took a lot of things for granted, you could tell. â Things you could only dream about.Â
The silence surrounding you is thick, hugging you tight and keeping you from moving. Your lips part as you attempt to break said silence, despite how dry your throat feels. Beomgyu however, is quicker than you as he heaves a sigh.Â
âWhy are you out here?â He asks, his gaze still fixed far ahead as his fingers give his jacket a small break. You had expected a âhelloâ perhaps even a âhow are you?â, maybe you would even have been content with a sharp glare or a âfuck offâ. But Beomgyu leads the conversation in a completely different direction.Â
When your silence becomes deafening he turns to you. His eyes are filled with something you canât quite place, something unlike his usual self. He searches your face, as though looking for clues with the help of a magnifying glass. âItâs coldâ, he then adds, as if the obvious could not have been made any clearer.Â
You scoff, shaking your head as you fiddle with the bag in your hands. âIâm dressed for itâ, you mutter without looking at him. Beomgyu hums, and for a second it sounds as though heâs about to say something else, only to stop himself. â The thick silence returns, this time it feels almost claustrophobic. You wanted to ask him about that night, you wanted to ask him about Yeonjun, you wanted to ask him about the two of you, you wanted to ask himâŚ
âWhy are you out here?â Your quiet whisper is nearly swallowed by the whirling wind but Beomgyu manages to catch it as his attention jumps from the naked trees and back to you. There were a thousand thoughts swimming within his eyes, things that were just waiting to be said. So why didnât he?Â
âItâs Christmasâ, you add, watching as his lip twitches in amusement. â You could not remember the last time youâd made Beomgyu laugh. He shakes his head, tongue prodding against his cheek. âIt isâ, he nods in agreement, his gaze dropping to the bag clutched in your hands. âPresent?â He asks to which you slowly nod.Â
Pulling your lip between your teeth, you exhale a deflated sigh, âA stupid one.â You didnât want to admit that you had bought it for yourself, considering the fact that it would be the only gift you were to receive this year, again. Itâs quiet after that and you desperately hoped he would drop the subject again.Â
Beomgyu shrugs, âIsnât that the whole point of Christmas?â When you only frown, he continues, âI mean, wrapping things up and giving them away.â He scoffs as he runs a hand through his dark hair, âUsing gifts as condolences, itâs quite materialistic donât you think?âÂ
You wanted to argue that it was not, but as your gaze flickers over the expensive clothes he wore, you realized that he didn't seem even a tad grateful for them. Perhaps they had been just that, condolences. â Your thoughts are interrupted by Beomgyu as he shifts on the bench and his hand reaches into the pocket of his coat.Â
âIâm not much betterâ, he murmurs when pulling out a small box. It fit perfectly in his palm, enveloped in silver wrapping with a tiny bow on top. You eye the tiny present with intrigue, your stomach flipping at the sight. â He inhales sharply as he twists the box between his fingers. âReflecting, repenting all that bullshit..â He mumbles as his brown eyes meet yours, âSuppose thatâs what Iâm trying to do here.â
Confused, you open your mouth to speak but before you can get as much as a word out, he hands you the gift. His eyes look near pleading as he silently begs for you to accept it, as if it would mean you accepted his apology. Perhaps it would take the guilt off his shoulders if you did. â The frown on your face only grows, but you set your own bag down before reaching a hesitant hand out to grasp the present.Â
It feels light in your palm, almost weightless. âOpen itâ, Beomgyu encourages beside you, his warm breath ghosts across your cheek and you hadnât even realized just how close he was. â Shrugging your mitten off, your free hand carefully plucks the lid from its container. You can feel his gaze on you, watching intently as you gently tug the rustling paper aside.Â
Your breath catches in your throat and your eyes widen tenfold when they fall on the familiar piece of leather. It was the same warm brown, and the contrastingly dark navy blue. The bracelet which you had cherished for so long, the one you had clung onto in the hopes that his matching part would still exist somewhere.Â
âIâŚâ You breathlessly begin but Beomgyu quickly cuts you off. âI.. Iâm sorry, yeah, thatâs what I wasâŚâ, he trails off, shrugging as he averts his gaze sheepishly. Itâs weird to see him like that, it reminds you of a time long ago, a time before everything.Â
The reality of his words slowly sank in, Beomgyu was apologizing.Â
You had spent countless sleepless nights, tossing and turning in bed as you prayed and hoped for a time like this. Was it selfish for you to wish for things to be the way they had been? You wanted to bring back someone who no longer existed, a version of him that was but a mere memory, remembered and kept alive only by you.Â
Yet here he is, doing just as you had hoped, and for so long. But you hate Choi Beomgyu now. That was a fact. And he hated you too. So this didnât make sense, no, it wasnât right. He shouldnât be apologizing. He should have brushed it off, acted as if nothing had ever happened and given you a shoulder cold enough to bring back the ice age.Â
âThis is wrong.. â I mean, you canât just-â Biting back a frustrated groan, you twist uncomfortably in your seat as you avoid his reluctant gaze. You can sense his confusion, and it only fuels your frustration. Did he not understand that he couldnât just undo everything with a simple âsorryâ and a gift.Â
Beomgyu swallows, his adamâs apple bobbing against his throat. âWhat?â He asks, his gaze dropping to the untouched gift still in your hands, âDo you not like it? â I can get you something else.âÂ
You shake your head, âItâs not about the gift, Beomgyu.â â He frowns, âThen what is it?âÂ
âEverything.âÂ
Youâre looking at him now, your heart hammering in your chest as you fight your nerves. âItâs everything, okay? You, meââ You motion between the two of you, âYeonjun, the presentation, us.â It wasnât just something you drew a line over, something you blurred and pushed back in the depths of your mind as you tried to forget it.Â
âBut, why does any of that matter?â He wonders with a confused frown, his bottom lip slightly jutted out as he regards you with caution. You have to hold back a scoff, your fingers curl around the small box, knuckles turning white as you resist the urge to roll your eyes. âBecause it does! You might not get that, but it hurt me.âÂ
Beomgyu groans as he runs a hand through his short hair. âFuck, I already apologized what more do you want from me?â His anger matches yours in a way that instantly reminds you of just how bad you could be together, of how deeply he made you feel. â âWhat difference does it make?â You snap, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill.Â
âEverything.âÂ
âIt changes everything, alright?â His chest heaves when he exhales, his eyes flaring with the same fire they had that night, the night when he wasnât thinking straight. He probably wasnât right now either. â âBecauseâ, he swallows, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he regains his composure. âBecause I donât know how else to change things.âÂ
He drags a hand across his face, like he didnât know what else to do with himself. âYou act like Iâm the biggest asshole to walk this earth and next thing I know youâre kissing me. It confuses me and it angers me. But even when youâre mean youâre nice, and I hate how it makes me feel. â I hate that itâs you I want to go to when shit goes wrong, and I hate that I did. I hate how you let me use you that night.âÂ
Heâs barely taking breaks to breathe in between sentences, and you catch the subtle flush to his cheeks as he speaks. âI fucking hate the fact that youâre always on my mind, much more do I hate that I never even try to will those thoughts away.â Beomgyu bites his bottom lip, chewing on it for a good five seconds before letting it go as he sneaks a glance your way. âBut IâŚâ He sighs as he finally comes to a conclusion after his long battle with himself. â âI donât hate you. I want to, but I canâtâÂ
You swallow, your hand still hugged by the mitten feels clammy and sweaty. Your heart races and your mind jumps between his jumbled words with little coherence. You donât think youâd ever heard him say so many things at once, and certainly not like that. His usual mean and crude self had completely drained from his system and left was a shell of the Beomgyu you thought you knew.Â
It was then, you think, that you realized Choi Beomgyu wasnât so different from you after all. Your gaze drops to the small gift still in your hands. What had once weighed so little now felt heavy in your grasp, like you were holding all of him, all at once. The bracelet fills you with hope, something youâd long since given up on entirely.Â
You glance toward him. His jaw is clenched tightly as his narrowed eyes peer ahead, intent on avoiding you it seemed. His apology was complete and total shit, his reasoning even worse. But Beomgyu was quite shit at most things. So were you. â Your gaze lingers on his pink nose, bitten by the cold. Your own nose stings too, for the both of you had been out here far too long.Â
In the pale winter air it became clear. Beomgyu was lonely, just as lonely as you. The slump of his shoulders and the defeated look on his face surely matched your own. You imagine how the two of you must look from afar. It would have to be quite a pitiful sight. How could one be lonely in the presence of someone else? Only two jackasses must manage something like that.Â
But you didnât want to be a jackass anymore, and neither did he. â So you shift on the bench, ignoring the squeaking noise it makes as you turn to Beomgyu. âDo you want to watch a movie?âÂ
â¸â¸
Itâs awkward at first.Â
The soft rustle of bed sheets, the untouched bowl of popcorn between you, the flimmer coming from the Tv screen as a cheesy romcom movie plays. Beomgyu, who was usually more than at home in your dorm, was now stiffly sitting on his side of the bed, his back straight as he pressed against the headboard. He appeared almost nervous.Â
You werenât faring much better, in fact your hands were dripping sweat as they remained tightly clasped together. Neither of you had touched the large bowl of popcorn, and they had long since gone cold. â Despite the freezing temperatures outside, your small dormitory seemed to be burning up.Â
None of you had said a word since the movie began playing, and before that you had been communicating with fast and hushed murmurs as you avoided each otherâs gaze. â Never had you imagined that you would be spending Christmas with Beomgyu, much less on the small and squeaking bed in your dorm.Â
Did this mean that things were starting to look up between the two of you?Â
Your heart practically leaps to your throat when you feel him shift on the mattress. Everytime he moved, even if it was just a mere centimeter, you tensed up. But the dramatic beating of your fluttering heart was only increased when he suddenly appeared even closer to you. His body feels warm, scorching hot inside the already airless room.Â
He doesnât say anything, and when you steal a glance his way, you find him watching the Tv. His expression would be relaxed if it weren't for the subtle twitch of his jaw when he felt your eyes on him. â Your attention drops to his hands, they were placed on the bed either side of him, his fingers moving absentmindedly against the sheets as he fiddled with them.Â
Your lips pulled into a small smile, and oh how you had missed smiling.Â
Beomgyu frowns when you suddenly climb off the bed, leaving behind an empty spot that radiates your sweet scent. He looked as though he was about to say something, one of his hands reaching out before stopping himself again. â He watches as you reach for the same bag youâd been clutching so tightly out on the bench, the one that had been completely disregarded in the end.Â
You clear your throat, standing awkwardly by the edge of the bed as you hold it in two hands. âIâŚâ Your throat feels parched and your lips dry as your tongue wets them, âI want you to have this.â You reach the bag out toward him and Beomgyu's frown only deepens. â âBut itâs yours..â He murmurs as his eyes flit between you and the bag in your hands.Â
âI want you to have it. â Besidesâ, you shrug, âYouâre not the only one whoâs been an idiot here.âÂ
His brow raises at your words, a small grin tugging at his lips as he gratefully accepts the token of an apology from you. You take the moment of him peering inside the bag to retake your position next to him on the mattress. Eagerly you watch as his frown deepens, only for it to ease up as he realizes what he was looking at.Â
âThis is..â He begins, one of his hands reaching into the bag as he pulls out the small bracelet. Beomgyuâs jaw slacks as he turns the cool and brown leather in his fingers, thumb caressing the warm and red embroidery. âYouâŚâ He cuts himself off, whether that was because he did not know what to say next or did not dare to.Â
Your gaze flickers to the small box placed on your bedside table, perhaps you werenât complete jackasses after all.Â
âWhy did youâŚâ He swallows, and though he never finished his sentence, the question swirling within his eyes was obvious. â You shrug, nibbling on your bottom lip as you regard the bracelet in his hand. âIt just⌠felt right.âÂ
There was no other way to explain it. For as you had trudged forward on tired feet, with heavy and droopy eyes, you had stumbled upon the very thing that had haunted you for so long.Â
It has been a small stand, hardly making itself known amongst its competitors. The handmade jewelry however, immediately caught your eye. You recognized the leather, eyes widening even further as they caught glimpse of the warm red braided into it.Â
Your stomach had dropped, just the way it would on a rollercoaster before its drop. That was undoubtedly the very same bracelet heâd worn, the one that had wrapped around his wrist so delicately, a constant reminder of what you had once lost.Â
âThat one,â You had said as you pointed to the accessory. Why? Because it felt right. Words would never even come close to describing the pull you felt, the immense need to have it. â But now, as you watch it lay in Beomgyuâs open palm, his lips parted as he regards the very bracelet, you understand perfectly.Â
Things were exactly how they were supposed to be.Â
Beomgyuâs hand suddenly drops, and he twists in his seat as he turns to you. The touch of his fingers against your cheek makes your eyes widen, the subtle reaction not passing him by unnoticed as a sly grin pulls across his lips. âWhat are you doing?â Your brows knit together, the soft confusion on your face only amusing him further.Â
His breath is warm against your lips as his own hover above them. The tip of his round nose brushes against yours, the small contact sending a jolt of electricity through you. âWhat I should have done from the startâ, he murmurs before pressing his lips to yours.Â
â¸â¸
The agonizing noise of violent video games fill the open spaced living room. Continuous shots are fired, easily drowning out the sound of the doorbell. Completely immersed in his game, Yeonjun doesnât look up until he feels the cushion beneath him shift as somebody takes the seat next to him. He doesnât turn his head and look, he already knows who it is.Â
âHow did you get in?â He asks in a somewhat monotone voice, his eyes still glued to the Tv screen in front of him as he taps the controller in his hands. Beomgyu, who occupies the other half of the cough, shrugs as he spreads himself out on the soft furniture, just like he had so many times before. â As though nothing had changed.Â
âYour girlfriend let me inâ, he simply states as he, too, tunes in on the violent game. Yeonjun on the other hand frowns, his face morphing into confusion as his thumbs slow down on the buttons. At last, the game comes to an end and he tears the headset from his ears. â âOh, so you talk to her now?â He retorts, his tone snappy and sharp as he tosses the control onto the coffee table.Â
Beomgyu bites the inside of his cheek, his gaze still fixed to the âNew Gameâ flashing on the screen. âI doâ, he hums, fingers absentmindedly toying with one another. Yeonjun scoffs as he throws a glance in the direction of his supposed friend. â âAny particular reason?â He queries to which Beomgyu swallows.Â
Thereâs a momenteral silence following his question as the two of them remain quietly seated on the couch. Neither of them move, the air feeling heavy yet filled with a sense of anticipation. Finally, he clears his throat as his anxious fingers come to a halt. âIâve been acting like an asshole..â Beomgyu murmurs as he pushes a hand through his now short hair.Â
Yeonjun looked as though he was biting back a snarky remark, his gaze flickering between the other and his own hands. âNo shitâ, he mumbles under his breath, unable to hold the comment back as he sucked in a sharp breath. His gaze jumps from his hands and over to Beomgyuâs as he nervously fiddles with the seams of his jeans. He canât help but notice the oddly familiar bracelet around his wrist.Â
It takes him a good minute, but soon the pieces fall into place. His lip twitches as his eyes stray by the bracelet. â âIâm sorryâ, Beomgyu quietly adds. It seems apologies were becoming a new habit of his. It took Yeonjun by surprise, making his eyebrows rise on his forehead, all the while Beomgyu avoided his gaze.Â
âI havenât been too good either, I suppose.â Yeonjun reluctantly admits as he gives a small shrug. Beomgyu doesnât reply but still nods as he purses his lips. Another thick silence follows, itâs not uncomfortable, but itâs not one either of them want to linger in. Yeonjun is the first to break it when he clears his throat.Â
âI missed you manâ, he says, his words light and filled with sincerity.Â
Beomgyu finally finds himself looking at his friend, his eyes widening just a fraction. âYeah?â He asks, the ghost of a grin playing across his lips. Yeonjun scoffs as he leans further into the couch, âYeah, yeah. Donât let it get to your head.â But itâs already too late, for Beomgyu was smirking as he leaned over to grab the discarded controller.Â
âWouldnât dream of itâ, he drawls as he presses âNew Gameâ.Â
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with all these gaston crackships/rarepairs that are coming out lately it would be so fucking funny if he had a flig with all the main characters (ambar, nina, simon... hell luna too if you want) and they all know it except matteo
#mf would feel so betrayed once he finds out#and not because he's jealous or anything - or maybe yes (they kinda have a vibe between them if you get what i mean)#mainly because his best friend didn't tell him#gaston would 100% use âyou didn't askâ with a shit-eating grin while shrugging his shoulder#he would have the time of his life making fun of matteo reaction lol#and matteo would also lowkey be insecure (understandable because gaston was probably a better boyfriend for all those people [real])#[from here on i'm gonna yap but like... YAP - get ready]#type of flings/situationships/whatever i think he had:#LUNA/GASTON : [barely a fling/ a kinda relationship (?)] - them just trying it out for the hell of it#they had a lot of fun and it strengthened their friendship#they never talk about it unless they're sure that they're by themselves#gaston sometimes reminiscences about it in front of others(to make luna panic/embarass)but in such a vague enough way that they don't get i#it always comes off as them play-fighting#it either happened before he and nina got together (which is what i'm running with for this post) or they did it after she left#because they were the closest to her and were the only people that could understand what it meant to lose nina#(luna also dated her in the past by this point)#GASTON/NINA: [literally canon and one of the main ships] so i don't have to explain it i guess#GASTON/SIMON: [was a âthey were all in their feelingsâ during those moments - kind of deal]#that scene i reposted the other day is a good way to pinpoint when they started to actually eye eachothers /put a start to what they had#it ended two or three months later - don't know who put an end to it between them#but it wasn't a problem because they both had something else they wanted to focus on more - they're extremely chill about this#GASTON/AMBAR: [kinda the same - got to know eachother when they were kids and became extremely close (even tho it took A BIT since#even if gaston came from a good family ambar was still as standoffish as now (and also a bit shy even if she wouldn't admit it)]#gaston was the one that did the first step#at that point ambar actually never stopped to think about dating in general but especially him#but the idea of losing him as a friend for something so stupid as a relationship terrified her#he reassured her that whatever happened nothing between them would've changed#which was real but also not really#they ended up breaking up a year and a half later and became a bit awkward around eachothers for a bit (mostly because of ambar)#they're still cordial with eachothers
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Have I said how much I love my husband recently???đĽ°
#personal#we talked for like 2 hours today#about everything and a lot about my issues with past trauma from my childhood and then Zachâs abuse#and all the shit that happened in the two years after I left him and had to have a judge involved#we talked about little space and how I panic when I try#we talked about gerry and my trying to heal and trying to get closure but being told by his wife I was being selfish because of that#we talked about how that fucked me up and how finding out his wife saw me as subhuman enough to demand abandonment of me#after I harbored so much guilt thinking I had a hand In harming her#he was so fucking there for me and I married the best human being#we are going to try a bit of stepping towards having a sort of little space exercise#because even though he is a sadistic pleasure Dom#he feels I deserve to have my needs met đ#I do not know what I did to deserve him#I let him read what Gerryâs wife said when I tried to get closure and apologize for my part in what I thought happened#he got so fucking mad for me and pointed out how self centered and dehumanizing it was#I needed that so badly#I should have allowed myself to be this vulnerable with his before now
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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home
#tw vent#in tags at least#when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive#friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend#and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep#depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her#like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest#friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots#in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it#blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never#got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus#it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had#read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt#think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read#gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it#anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want#glad i have like 5 followers rip
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my opinion on season 11 is that ian and mickey were all over the place from episode to episode and i ultimately wasnât very happy with where it ended for them
#just felt kind of incomplete and boring in terms of their getting an apartment arc#like mickey was still genuinely very unhappy about it and they just left it like that?#and obviously i didnât love how they did the terry stuff.#i think. thereâs something to it because you can never truly predict how youâre gonna feel about something like that#even if itâs a piece of shit who you truly hate like. feelings happen.#and that could have been interesting to explore but it wasnât done in a way that felt interesting#it just felt like a waste of time when we couldâve been doing other stuff with their screentime#and the beginning was so good i was having sooo much fun when ian was like yeah letâs steal an ambulance and yes we can have guns again.#letâs fuck in the ambulance. etc.#that was so hot and then they ruined it both in that scene that i wanted to SEE and with where they took the story after#like how quickly ian jumps back to âwell we wonât do crimes then :)â i thought he was having FUN doing crimes#like are they still doing their security shit? are they still working with stolen equipment?? i want them to do crimes :(#(when i lay it all out like that iâm like perhaps âian being exited about doing crimesâ is not a Good Sign for him. but#it really wasnât presented that way in context. like i donât think thatâs what they were going for there#and he can be doing better and still have fun doing stupid shit#a la their little outing before he got arrested by the military#yes that was like. 5 years earlier but iâm still like what happened to THAT ian he got boring#and iâm not saying like. him being healthy is boring. iâm saying let him be healthy and also have fun.#anyway.)#also like. signing a lease on the spot against mickeys wishes. kind of fucking impulsive and reckless. but no itâs bc he wants#to have a better life or whatever so itâs fine.#idk i just want to see them steal shit and fuck in an ambulance#and i mean like OVERALL ian has not been as much of a Crime Guy as others. certainly not compared to mickey#like heâs DONE crimes obviously but not in a. itâs his lifestyle way. i guess?#so idk why iâm like i want him to go BACK to that if that wasnât exactly what he was doing in the first place#but he LIKES doing shady shit with mickey and having fun and idk why they bothered showing us that#if they were gonna drop it by the end of the season that i can only assume they knew would be the final season#it just felt like they didnât know what to do with the two of them all season and they ended the season in a less satisfying place#than they started#r.txt
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1. itâs my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time iâm 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so iâm surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isnât officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then iâll be happy!! no matter what though, iâm gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like âitâs my birthday! iâm an ides of march babe (:â and if someone is like oh whatâs that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if itâs a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which iâm pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something iâve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told iâd get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i donât then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which iâve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully itâs fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how iâm gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now iâm just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i donât want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that wonât be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that iâm going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so sheâs in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said sheâs more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her iâd let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope itâs a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didnât have before#and i donât like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasnât said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of âoh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late nowâ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#iâm also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so iâm waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know itâs not going to change bc itâs my great grandparents house that sheâs partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address iâve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think iâm gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#iâd like to stay the night with them but if we canât make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to iâll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl â¤ď¸
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â âš . ÝÂ THE KING Â â âš .
(boxer!sukuna x reader)
âš tags: ryomen sukuna x female reader; childhood friends; character mentions: uraume - satoru gojo; unresolved tension; sukuna is oh so in love; fluffy but a mix of angst/smut/fluff; domestic; non curse au; p in v sex; unprotected sex; dry humping; making out; oral sex;
:about: you've known sukuna before he was a world boxing champion, when he was just a scrawny kid who used to hide behind your legs when you were both in kindergarten. sukuna is growing tired of the fame and fortune, and all he really wants is to fall into the arms of the one person who he's always considered his home.
this fic is one shot. I'll happily answer any lore questions regarding boxer!sukuna x reader, but there will not be a part two or more parts of their story. It is a standalone.
wc:Â 19K+
Sukuna steps out of the shower, his body wound up in a tight coil after the night's fight. He presses the bridge of his nose together to relieve his throbbing head, but his brow is searing with pain. When he opens his eyes he catches a reflection of his self in the bathroom mirror- a split on his bottom lip, a cut on the arch of his right eyebrow and a slight bruise on his left cheek.Â
It's rare for him to look this battered after a match.Â
He's been untouchable for years, he's almost forgotten what it's like to take a few good hits in the ring.Â
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"Â
His eyes flicker up toward Uraume, who seems to have appeared out of nowhere. Â
He shakes his head at his manager. "Nothing happened, I won. Isn't that a good thing?"
Uraume narrows their gaze, sharp like a sly little fox. They can read Sukuna like a book, but Sukuna chooses to play ignorant and brushes off their knowing stare.Â
He knows that the inquisition isn't about the sponsors, the money, or the win.Â
He also knows that Uraume never asks questions that they donât know the possible answer to.Â
Thankfully, his manager just sighs.Â
"The limo is outside waiting to take you to the party," they state, their heavy exhale indicating that they know Sukuna won't own up to what they are trying to prod out of him.Â
"Fuck," Sukuna grumbles. The towel hangs low on his hips, and he throws the one that is around his neck onto the ground. He steps outside to the locker room and proceeds to change. He dries off, puts on his boxers and picks up his black t-shirt before pulling it over his bare chest marked with ink. He then tugs on his jeans, and secures his belt around the waist. "Do I have to go to that?"Â
Uraume shrugs, "Don't you want to parade your big victory over Satoru Gojo to the rest of the world?" his manager adds, slipping both hands into their pocket as they stride casually toward Sukuna who is merely trying to gather the rest of his things.Â
The last touch is his signature silver chain necklace. He hooks the accessory around his neck, while mentally preparing himself for the crowd waiting for him outside. For the voices that would be screaming out his name, and the obnoxious paparazzi who can't seem to grasp the concept of personal space.Â
They all gawk at him like he's a endangered animal at the zoo. Â
His chest seizes at the thought.Â
He used to gloat over being in the spotlight. He took to stardom with an extreme sense of pride, but the thought of it right now just makes his skin crawl uncomfortably.Â
The only thing that Ryomen Sukuna wanted at this very moment, is to go home in fucking peace.Â
Heâs given the fans and the world what they wanted.Â
"Little shit got what was coming to him," he blurts out in response to Uraume. "It'll take him a while to lick his wounds and get over his broken pride..."Â
Uraume chuckles, "and I was worried that he might have actually had an advantage over you..."Â
Sukuna swallows the sudden lump in his throat.Â
God he was fucking tired. His whole body is aching, begging him to get some much needed rest. He hadnât trained this hard in a long time. The strict diet, the isolation, the strenuous days in the gym and in the training ring slowly started filtering into him in doses.Â
"Almost," he admits quietly, a little bitter over the reality of the situation that he was close to losing. "He's good for his age. Really good actually."Â
Uraume's face falls at that. "You don't sound like yourself, my king," they tease half-heartedly, addressing Sukuna by yet another title which he earned in the ring.Â
"The King", "The Beast", âThe Champâ, âMonster of The RingââŚ
There was a time when he was younger, when the fire for the fight burned inside him with such intense conviction, that he found dignity in the titles that he's earned from every match. The thrilling sensation of him standing in the middle of the ring, his hands raised with victorious joy as he looked down at his opponent while the crowd would cheer for him like he was a figure of the divine, used to mean a great deal to him.Â
But those titles feelâŚhollow. An old skin which Sukuna unknowingly shrugged off without even realizing it.Â
"I'm just exhausted," he breathes with a hint of frustration, giving Uraume a reply after allowing his mind to drift for a few seconds. "I've got a raging headache and my shoulder is killing me."Â
He slings his bag over his good arm, before turning to face his manager.Â
The pair walk down towards the end of the hallway, and Sukuna can already hear the muffled voices from the press that have slowly gathered inside. He elongates his spine naturally as he holds a domineering pose. He quietly huffs out a breath and tries to steady the uneasiness coursing through his veins. The second the press lay their eyes on him, they stampede towards Sukuna like dogs off their leash. A flash of white and blue flickers around him, disorienting him for a single moment.Â
"Hey, champ! How does it feel to knock out Satoru Gojo after everything he said this season?"Â
"Way to prove that you're still The Beast of the Ring! What's next for our King?"Â
"You've held your championship title for ten consecutive years! How do you go up from here?"
"Sukuna! Sukuna! Is it true that you've just locked in a multi-million dollar deal with Nike?" Â
Uraume steadies the crowd, protectively standing in front of Sukuna as they gesture everyone to calm down.Â
Despite the sheer difference in their size, Uraume has a natural way of commanding a room.Â
That's one thing Sukuna has always been grateful for regarding his manager; Uraume always looked out for his best interest first. Â
"Hello, everyone," they politely speak, their voice calm and pleasant. "While we appreciate the enthusiasm; our champion, Ryomen Sukuna, will only be making a single statement. He's had a long night and needs his rest," they announce, before looking over their shoulder and giving Sukuna a nod of approval to say what he needs to say.Â
The man is thankful for Uraume every single day. He already informed them earlier that he wasn't interested in any post-match interview or conversations with the press, and Uraume happily obliged by accepting the privacy that he desperately needed.Â
Sukuna tightens his grip around the gym bag over his shoulder. He stares at the small audience before him before clearing his throat to speak. "Young fighters like to run their mouth. I know because I used to be one of them. It's easy to be all bark and no bite. But in my case, I came out teeth first-" he states with a patronizing tone, noticing the press eagerly hang onto his every word and even laughing at his snide remark.Â
They are waiting for a brutal comment from the badass himself, for him to add the cherry on top of all the shit-talk heâs already dished out.Â
But Sukuna acknowledges that there is no place for it now.Â
He doesn't need to add more to the hurt he's already caused to Satoru Gojo.Â
Everything was settled in the ring, and now it was over.Â
"However, I have to admit that this was one of the best fights of my career. I had fun. He's been a thorn by my side but I respect Satoru, and I know he has a brilliant career on the horizon. That's all I have to say about that for now. Have a good night."Â
He steps away from the press, who trail at his feet like a pack of rats rattling off question after question as Uraume tries to console their demands. His manager delays their footing, all the while Sukuna finds the rest of his entourage at the arena exit.Â
A string of bodyguards help him get through the second crowd of loyal fans who have gathered. They are waving phones in the air, begging for photos and videos. Sukuna obliges with a few, trying his best to fight off the shakes that's starting to make his hand tremble slightly. People lift up their shirts, flash their cleavage and pull out posters, bras and clothes for him to sign. He does so, his signature faltering from a clean string of letters to a fast doodle of his name. His fans offer him flowers, art, and mementos which he takes, and whatever extra he can't carry he hands off to one of his guards. When he's finally had enough of giving himself to the fans, he bids everyone a wave as his bodyguards escort him to the private parking lot in the back of the arena.Â
Sukuna doesn't even realize how hard his heart had started hammering until he's embraced back into the quiet again. He feels incredibly uncomfortable in his own skin, and he isn't sure if it's the apprehension or the adrenaline wearing off from the fight. The phone in his pocket buzzes, probably Uraume wanting to make sure he's made it safely to his vehicle, but he canât bring himself to answer the call.Â
"Sir," one of his bodyguards states, "There's a VIP who is expecting to see you..."Â
"So?" Sukuna scoffs, the black Mercedes in the distance a sanctuary. "I don't want to fucking see them."Â
"Well, you see, they insisted. They weren't taking no for an answer."Â
"And you would be shit at your job if you just let them roll over you like that," Sukuna begrudgingly replies.Â
Sukuna wasn't particularly fond of the VIP guest lists. A majority of them were people who wanted to fawn over him, or simply weasel their way into his pants. The other half were people with deeper pockets trying trying to bargain him into fixing fights so that they can win big bucks on their bets.
Sukuna did not have the time or patience for the latter, and even the former as well.Â
Especially tonight.Â
"Actually, Sir, she's waiting for you as we speak-" the bodyguard stammers, having to look up when he addresses Sukuna.Â
The champion stops abruptly to give him a puzzled stare and a piece of his mind over his bodyguardâs stupidity, but his attention is sharply drawn back to the car when he notices a figure step out of the Mercedes.Â
You're wearing a denim skirt, a fitted white top and a pair of black boots. Sukunaâs heart skips a beat, noticing that your hair looks a little different from when he last saw you. A sparkle of silver glitters on your neck that matches his own chain, and you beam at him with a bright smile that steadies his soul.
 The click of your heels echo a little louder from the distance as you approach him, waving your fingers delicately in his direction to say your first hello. Sukuna's feet moves faster than the rest of him. He drops his bag off his shoulder, the gifts in his hands splay across the concrete ground and he scoops you up in his arms before spinning you in the air the second he wraps his arms around you.Â
You giggle at his greeting, your body trapped in a blanket of muscle and cologne. Your fingers thread between the strands of his red hair, tears pricking your eyes at the sight of your best and oldest friend.Â
Sukuna squeezes you tightly, "they should have just told me it was you by name," he exhales with a hint of annoyance, then carefully places you back down to rest your feet on the ground.Â
You laugh under your breath, "Don't worry, I gave them hell for it. I told them that I'm the only VIP who mattered considering I have been on that list the longest...."Â
You try to loosen your grip but Sukuna tenses up, so you ease back into his hug.Â
He didnât want to let go just yet.Â
And truthfully, neither do you.Â
"Hi, princess," he whispers in your ear, his voice deep and thick with fatigue.Â
"Hey, 'kuna" you reply softly, your fingers curling around the back of his neck, as your heart beats heavily against his now relaxed chest.Â
â âš .
The light from the car's backseat illuminates Sukuna's ruggedly handsome face. You cup his jaw between your fingers, and lightly trace your thumb over the cut on his swollen lip. Your eyes track upward and you wince at the gash across his brow.Â
"He got a few good hits on you didn't he?" you point out, not as a question necessarily but more as a statement of the obvious.Â
"A few good hits doesn't mean shit..."Â
"When was the last time you got hit this bad in the ring?" you press.Â
"I fight for a living, someone was bound to land a punch someday. Besides, it's not a concern. I had my good luck charm tonight without even knowing it..." he responds with a wolfish grin.Â
You jab him playfully in the chest. "You're not made of steel you know? You had me concerned for a second..."Â
"I roughed him up too," Sukuna states with a pout, "you're all acting like he walked away completely unscathed..."Â
He slings an arm over your shoulder, his strength pushing your body weight to lean closer against his side. You shake your head with disapproval as you press the button to switch off the light above you both.Â
The city moves past you in a haze, but you can't stop taking in the man before you.Â
Ryomen Sukuna.Â
The first time you met him was on the playground of your old kindergarten. You were all outdoors, and you noticed that these two bigger kids were knocking him around. The kindergarten teachers weren't anywhere to be seen. At the clear imbalance of power and with your sheer sense of goodwill, you decided to go over there and help.Â
Sukuna had just joined your class only three weeks before that. He was the smallest kid, and had a hard time keeping up with everyone else. Everyone made fun of him and called him "chili crisp"Â because of his hair. They teased him constantly for how he looked, how he dressed, and how he spoke and simply refused to play with him.Â
Being young and impressionable, you never engaged. But you didn't do anything to help Sukuna either. It made you ache seeing him treated this way, and this time you weren't just going to let it slide anymore.Â
Sukuna did nothing to deserve this treatment in the first place.Â
However, despite his small stature, Sukuna was a fighter even then.Â
He kept getting up even if it meant that he would just be shoved down once again.Â
You remember walking up to both those kids and grabbing them by the collar. You yanked them off, placing yourself in between them and Sukuna before scolding them both for their terrible behavior.Â
"I'm gonna tell!" you squealed with a furious point of your finger, threatening them with snitching words. "And if I ever see you hurt him, I'm going to make sure everyone knows how bad you are! And youâll get into so much trouble with the teachers!â
You sharply kicked them both in their heels, and watched the kids scamper off, a little more intimidated now that someone they deemed as an equal threat entered the playing filed. Once they were gone, you turned toward Sukuna who was planted on the concrete ground. He was wiping away his snotty nose and trying to hide his tears.Â
You scratched the back of your head nervously, your throat all itchy and tight from the sight of him.Â
"You're-you're not a chili crisp," was all you could think of telling him in that moment. You gave him a small but kind smile, before offering him both your hands and helping him on his feet.Â
He was a whole head and shoulder shorter than you were back then. His clothes barely hung onto his body. He had to fix up his t-shirt and readjust his shorts.Â
"I know that," he answered with irritation, and a scowl that never seemed to have left him.Â
You assisted in brushing the dust off him.Â
"Your name is Ryo-men Su-ku-na?" you asked, breaking down the pronunciation of his name to make sure you said it correctly.Â
He nodded his head quietly.Â
You gave him another tender grin, and reached out for his hand before introducing yourself.Â
"I know who you are, I'm not stupid."Â
You frowned at his sharp response. "I never said you were."Â
The two of you stood there facing one another in awkward silence, unsure of how to proceed from the moment.Â
You shifted your weight from one foot to the next, kicking a random little rock on the ground. "Those kids are stupid."Â
"Yeah, they are." He grumbled through gritted teeth.Â
"So, if I'm not stupid and you're not stupid, why don't we be friends?"Â
Sukuna's eyes widened slightly at your words, like he couldn't believe what you said.Â
"Friends?"Â
"Yeah!" you squeaked with a little more excitement. "You'll have someone to sit next to and play with every day!"Â
He nervously gripped the hem of his tee.Â
He never gave you a real response, but the next day he showed up and took a seat right next to you in class.
You were both six years old, and have been insuperable ever since.Â
â âš .
You press your cheek against his broad shoulder, and Sukuna sighs as his body melts into the leather seat underneath him. His hand gently rubs your own shoulder, with the two of you sitting in silence together as you have done many times before. He instructs the driver to take you both back to his penthouse, disregarding some after party that he's expected to attend.Â
At the call, your heart flutters with anticipation because it was a clear sign indicating that he wanted to be alone with you.Â
You shivered thinking of the last time that happened.Â
It's hard to believe that this version of Sukuna co-exists with the person you've known for a majority of your life.Â
The day after he sat next to you in kindergarten, everything changed for the better.Â
Sukuna still grimaced at everyone else, but kids no longer picked fights with him and he had a warming smile that was reserved for you alone.Â
Whether in class or outside of school, you both spent every spare moment that you could together. You were glued to the hip like two peas in a pod. Your parents adored him, doted on Sukuna despite him resisting their affection. It was only one night, when he was having yet another sleepover at your place, where you finally asked him how is he able to hang out with you all the time.Â
Sukuna revealed a truth that broke your heart entirely.Â
âHere is better than being home. Usually it's just me..."Â
"Just you?" you whispered innocently, "but your mom and dad?"Â
You watched him shrink into his blanket with uncertainty. "Don't know. I live with my Grandpa. He works a lot..."Â
It's only later in your life where you learnt the full story.Â
Sukunaâs parents abandoned him, leaving him with his grandfather to pursue reckless adventures together. At the time Sukuna was only three years old. His grandfather worked hard to provide for the boy, but he was an aging old man and didnât expect to be responsible for such a young child. Sukuna's grandfather always showed deep gratitude to your parents for helping out and providing Sukuna with another safe space that gave him some much needed stress relief on his end.Â
His daughter eventually returned, in tow this time with Sukunaâs half brother Yuji. His dead beat dad was gone for good. But by then Sukuna was already fourteen.Â
Heâs always had a complex relationship with his family, but things seem to be better with his brother. The two of them could pass off as identical twins, it was almost scary how alike they looked.Â
You loved Yuji; he was a living antithesis of his older brother. Always perky, smiling so bright itâs like the sun follows his footsteps.Â
Sukuna, on the other hand, carried the shadow and gloom of a waning moon.Â
Your childhood and early adolescent years were precious, cherished moments and memories that solidified the strength of your relationship. But despite everything, you were the only person who saw how bright Sukuna's own light could shine.Â
The driver finally parks the car in front of one of the most expensive buildings in Tokyo. Sukuna gets out first, and extends a hand into the vehicle to help grab yours. The touch sends tingles up your arm, but you do your best not to read into the reaction just yet.Â
The two of you enter the building, passing the security who simply tilts their head in acknowledgment, but from your peripheral vision you notice Sukunaâs eyes shifting around his environment.
âNo cameras,â you reassure him with a squeeze to his bicep. âNo paparazziâŚâÂ
Sukuna was aware of what he signed up for with fame, but that did not mean that you had to be subjected to the aggressive violation of privacy.Â
And after everything that happened, after the horrific clashing of both your worlds, he felt himself breathe a huge sigh of relief.Â
âThey probably think I am showing up to the victory party,â he answered with gratitude.
The elevator rings, the doors opening as you both step inside.Â
Sukuna hits the button to the penthouse suite, and from the way his shoulders slump you can tell there is something off about his demeanor.Â
This isnât the Ryomen you knew who walked away from a fight with the buzz of the winner.Â
Heâs dimmed.Â
A bulb thatâs flickering.Â
Somethingâs wrong, you thought, looping your arm around his and keeping your eyes on the numbers increasing as you swallow your concern.Â
â âš .
Puberty didnât hit Sukuna; it struck him like a brick over his head.Â
At sixteen years old, Sukuna was no longer the loser kid that everyone picked on. He was a tower, a watchful pillar that looked down on those around him with an intimidating stare. All of a sudden this scrawny boy shot up like a tree, his body springing into a new version of himself. His voice broke, dropping octaves lower than the soft tone of what it used to be. His shoulders broadened, lean muscle forming since he spent most of his time wrestling and boxing. Â
He became the bad boy that everyone blushed and fawned over.Â
The athlete that people admired.
His coaches loved him - called him a prodigy, and a star of the future.
Sukuna carried himself with plenty of self respect, and was extremely well spoken. Outside of his athletics he enjoyed reading and learning history, and his venture into sports only happened because it kept him busy and gave him some much needed space away from his home. He was readjust to a new life with his mom back in the picture, and a brother who was five years younger than him. At first it was simply an escape, but once he settled into the atmosphere of it all, it gave him a sense of structure. Sukuna was diligent about his training and academics, outsmarting and outplaying almost everyone around him. His motivation was fueled with every game and competition, and you quickly saw that Sukuna only had the expectation of being a winner and nothing else.Â
Navigating your teenage years was a bit tough for both of you.Â
It began with one sleep over just a year prior, the moment where you both recognized that things couldnât progress as casually as they used to. You woke up tangled in each otherâs arms, hyper aware of your bodies and the parts that were blooming.Â
Sukuna slept on the sofa every sleep over after that.Â
Thanks to your eruptive hormones, the both you bickered often and frequently. As you and Sukuna started understanding your own senses of selves, a hint of distance started to grow. For a long time the two of you only ever had each other, but with Sukuna now a part of the athletic group and you falling in line with your own little clique, the both of you were finding some time away from each other and identifying who you were without the other person around.Â
However, you always came back to one another, like two little magnets seeking each other out.Â
Itâs all youâve ever known since you were six.Â
One afternoon, while hanging out in the schoolâs basketball court, Sukuna turned to face you as you paced behind him while he was throwing some shots for fun.
âThey think youâre my girlfriend,â he casually stated, referencing his new set of friends who always studied you with intense curiosity.Â
Your face burned multiple degrees hotter than it should.Â
âW-what?â You stammered.Â
âYeah,â he answered nonchalantly, and you watched him dribble the basketball as the awkwardness settled. Â
âThatâsâŚthatâs weirdâŚâ was all you could think of adding on. âYou told them I am not, right?âÂ
Sukuna furrowed his brows and hummed. But he nodded his head.Â
âJust because we are friends that doesnât automatically mean that we are âboyfriend and girlfriendâ,â you insisted, using air quotes to emphasize your statement.Â
Sukuna turned so his back was to you, and tossed the ball directly into the ring.Â
âThatâs what I told themâŚâ he reassured, but something about his tone didnât sit right with you.Â
The summer that followed - Sukunaâs grandfather, mom and brother took a trip away. Sukuna declined to join since he was participating in a tournament. After his wrestling team came out victorious, he decided to throw a secret bash at his place to celebrate.Â
You were there helping him hide away all the fragile items, before staring at him in shock when he placed a few beer cans on his kitchen counter.Â
âHow did you get that?â You asked in a low whisper, afraid that you both might somehow get caught for doing something that you arenât supposed to.Â
He just gave you a cheeky grin. âDonât worry about it, PrincessâŚâÂ
That nickname stuck on you like glue. Itâs something Sukuna called you with annoyance when you were both kids, and you used to call him an angry dragon in return. Even though you stopped using that silly term, for some reason Sukunaâs pet name morphed into one of endearment and affection which he kept using.Â
âItâs just the team and a couple of girls that the guys have been trying to get withâŚâ he ensured, âThe guys wanted the beers, so I managed to sneak some from my grandfatherâs stashâŚâÂ
âAnd what if he finds out?âÂ
Sukuna laughs, âthat old man canât even remember what day it is. Iâm sure he wonât notice a few beer cans missingâŚâÂ
That night you had your first secret party, your first sip of beer and your first kiss; it was one of those core memories that lingered that was reminiscent of the adrenaline rush from living out the freedom of being young with no responsibilities. You donât remember who it was who called out the idea of playing seven minutes in heaven, but suddenly all of you were sitting in a circle spinning an empty bottle on Sukunaâs grandfatherâs worn rug. Your heart sat at your throat, your eyes fixated on the piece of twirling glass, half wondering who it would land on. You watched as couples disappeared into Sukunaâs room, everyone snickering in a circle thinking about what the potential couples could possibly be doing.Â
The boys were crude with their commentary, and the girls giggled with feign disgust.Â
Some people came out looking displeased, clearly unamused by what they experienced, while others had a look of euphoria on their faces.Â
When the bottle landed on you, the first person you found yourself seeking out was Sukuna.Â
However, the other end of the bottle wasnât pointing to him, but to one of his teammates.Â
His friendâs eyes widen with intrigue, a cute smile forming on his pouty lips.Â
Your own cheeks warmed with curiosity.Â
He helped you onto your feet, but the two of you were struck with an abrupt question that had you pausing your movements.Â
âDo you want to do this?â Sukuna pointedly asked, his focus on you alone and no one else.Â
There was a grave but serious look resting firmly on his face.Â
Something about his stare made you uncomfortable, though you couldnât place why. With the eyes of everyone else on you and his teammate, you instantly wanted to divert the intense attention elsewhere.Â
âOf course!â You said with a casual shrug, then grabbed his teammateâs hand and led him into Sukunaâs bedroom.Â
Youâve been in here countless of times, never once feeling uncomfortable in this space. But this time, you were quite aware of the state of his bed, of the slightly rumpled sheets that were tugged from edge to edge. Your mouth went dry, your body suddenly trying to recollect every movie, book and comic that explained or depicted the intimacies between two people.Â
Two hands touched your waist, spinning you on your feet.Â
âTimeâs ticking,â his friend said. âWe shouldnât waste itâŚâÂ
âIâve never done this beforeâŚâ you blurted out.Â
âI havenât eitherâŚâ he answered kindly, and that made you feel better.Â
âOkayâŚâ you said, before placing your hands awkwardly on his shoulder.Â
âLetâs just start with a kissâŚâ he suggested and then leaned forward.Â
You were frozen then, unsure of what to do. You stood there with wide eyes as you felt his lips on yours, the sensation making your belly tingle.Â
He pulled away.Â
âThat wasnât too bedâŚâ you admitted and he laughed.Â
âDo you want to try?â He asked.Â
Your first initiated kiss wasnât magical, nor was it horrendous as some of your other friends experienced. Even now when you think about it - the only memory that hits you is one of innocent exploration. It took a minute for you to get comfortable with his prodding tongue, to figure out the clash between lips and teeth, and to allow his wet muscle to access our mouth and glide over your own. The sensation reminded you of sticky, tacky popsicles that clung to your lips in summers past.Â
It was funâŚuntil a loud bang startled you both, making you split from each otherâs arms like opposing forces.Â
âTimeâs up,â Sukuna growled, before barging in without even so much as asking if you were decent like he did with the other pairs.Â
The look he gave his teammate was terrifying, even you couldnât help but gulp.Â
His friend let out a nervous giggle, scratching the back of his head as he scurried his way out. âDamn, that was fast!â He tittered nervously, his voice cracking slightly towards the end.Â
Sukuna narrowed his gaze as he watched him leave the room. Meanwhile, you both stood there facing each other, noticing his nostrils flaring as your breath rose and fell.Â
âWhat?â You questioned, returning his hard stare with an even stronger glare.Â
He huffed out a breath through his nose, âare you okay?â he asked, in an attempt to compose his clearly frazzled state.Â
âYes!â You blurted back, a little shaken. âWas that even seven minutes?âÂ
Sukuna grimaced, holding onto your eyes before he stormed out of his room, scoffing with annoyance at your response.Â
Neither of you really spoke about the awkwardness of that moment, and instead carried into the heat of that summer like nothing even happened.Â
But, what did hurt you after that, was that Sukuna never invited you to any of his âpartiesâ again.Â
He fibbed and said it was just âa team thingâ, but you eventually heard about the other attendees at the party, and only through the grapevine found out about Sukunaâs first kiss.
It felt like a betrayal in its own way, this sudden shakiness in your friendship as uncertain as tectonic plates waiting to crash into a shattering earthquake.Â
You called him one night to confront him, asking him why he wouldnât tell you about his first kiss when you both should be able to talk about everything. But that conversation just resulted in an argument, a blow out that felt like a collapse in your world.Â
You both didnât speak to each other until the end of that summer, when Sukuna finally waved the white flag by crawling to your front door late one evening with some ice cream as a peace offering.Â
âIâm sorry,â he murmured, while you both sat on the sidewalk, scooping wooden spoons into the tub of vanilla with chocolate chips.Â
Itâs the first time heâs ever apologized to you.Â
Even when you were kids, Sukuna refused to ever say he was sorry.Â
He would just pout angrily before over compensating with his sweetness to show you that he didnât mean it.Â
But not this time.Â
You licked the vanilla off the spoon, biting down on the rich chocolate chunks, and hoping that the tears wouldnât fall from your eyes from how your chest swelled at his remorse.Â
Sukuna draped an arm around your shoulder, âI hate that things have been weird between us.âÂ
âYou made them weirdâŚâ you mumbled and he just sighed.Â
ââYes,â he begrudgingly admitted, âyes, I didâŚâÂ
You turned to look up at him, and he gave you a solemn smile.Â
âIâm a little possessive of you, I realizeâŚâ he explained, his lips forming into that small frown, mirroring his childlike expression.Â
âA little?â you answered back with a snarky tone.Â
âYouâre my best friend,â he admitted, his eyes downcast with regret. âYou have always been my person.âÂ
âYouâre my person too, âkunaâŚâ you murmured, âbutâŚbut being best friends means that we have to trust each other. That we canât justâŚhurt each other. That we should stop being honest or talking to one another when things get badâŚthat we canât face things that make usâŚI donât know, feel weird and stuffâŚâÂ
He rested his chin on the top of your head, the two of you finally bridging the gap of what seemed to be the first real challenge of your friendship.Â
âIt was a shit kissâŚâ he sighed, âI was just too fucking embarrassed to tell you.âÂ
You gazed up at him from underneath your lashes.Â
âWhy?â You said with a light laugh. Â
Sukunaâs attention dipped to your mouth for a split second and back to your eyes again. ���I donât know. You just seemed to have enjoyed yours in comparison. I felt like I lost a game or something. I didnât want to admit that mine was awkward and wet and justâŚnot fucking goodâŚâÂ
You laughed at that.Â
âEverything with you is a competitionâŚâÂ
âNot everythingâŚâÂ
You nudged his stomach playfully with your elbow. âDo you remember when we played Mario Kart for the first time? When you lost three rounds in a row and nearly ripped my head off?âÂ
âHow was I supposed to know you are freakishly good at that game?âÂ
You laughed, âI stay the reigning champion of rainbow road!âÂ
âYou stay a pain in my assâŚâÂ
You rolled your eyes, âa pain in your ass that will never leave you, so stop complaining about itâŚâÂ
Sukuna exhales, âIt wasâŚa bad kiss,â he admitted shyly, âShe was so damn skittish, and I think I was too. I didnâtâŚI didnât think it would be soâŚugh. It was just not the right personâŚâÂ
âOr maybe you were just nervousâŚâ you answered honestly.Â
Sukuna shook his head.Â
âNo, I know it wasnât the right personâŚâ he said with confidence.Â
You unraveled from his hold for a moment to look deep into those heated eyes.Â
âCan I say something?â he questioned, the tips of his ears turning slightly red, a blush youâve seen before but never realized how adorable it actually looked on him until this moment.Â
âAnythingâ
âI donât want you to think I am being weird or take this the wrong wayâŚâ Sukuna explained, pausing for a single breath before continuing. âI just thought the first person I wouldâve kissed would have beenâŚwell, youâŚÂ
The world went still in that moment. All you could hear was the soft rustle of the trees in the distance, and all you could see was the open vulnerability of Sukunaâs heart resting on his face.Â
Itâs incredibly rare for him to even show it, your friend guarding that part of himself with such conviction.Â
âOhâŚâÂ
âBut then I realized that youâre not supposed to be kissing your best friend,â he added on, stomping on the spark that flickered between you both before it even had a chance to even light.Â
âNo,â you agreed quickly, your eyes darting to the tub of ice cream. You pressed the back of your spoon into the creamy texture, doing your best to ignore the sudden pulse in your chest.Â
âMy second kiss was a lot better thatâs for sureâŚâ Sukuna rambled on, digging his spoon around yours as he scooped himself another serving of ice cream. âWay better actuallyâŚand on round three I think I got the hang of itâŚâÂ
You swallowed the tiny lump in your throat. âI donât need to know the gross details, please,â you implored, though your stomach rolled with a hint of nausea at the reality that heâs kissed more people than you expected.Â
You never admitted it out loud, but the confession made you a little jealous.Â
If you were an option in his headâŚwhy didnât he just ask?Â
â âš .
.Â
Sukuna lost his virginity to a freshman college student a year later when he snuck into a party with two of his former teammates. You lost yours on the night of your graduation party to the same boy you kissed for the first time. You and Sukuna were expected to attend the same university (with him obtaining a full scholarship for academic excellence), but your friend had deviated from the shared path after being scouted. The two of you commuted to see each other often, with you visiting him when he was training and him stopping by the campus whenever he had free time.Â
You and Sukuna knew about the other personâs intimate lives from the stories you shared, and despite continuously being plagued with constant accusations of being âmore than friendsâ, you both agreed never to allow that discomforting prospect to intervene with your friendship again after that terribly awkward summer.
Rather than ignore the fact that you were growing to be even more beautiful by the day, Sukuna just became extremely blunt around you. He didnât hide his eyes checking you out, noticing how your curves were starting to fill out and how you began to mature into your own features. He confidently spoke about how attractive you were, and often boosted your ego in ways that only enhanced your own confidence.Â
You enjoyed reminding him that once upon a time he thought âgirls were disgustingâ and âlooked funnyâ.Â
âLetâs not forget I am the first guy to marry you,â he joked, recalling a game you both used to play where you pretended to be characters from a fantasy realm.Â
âActually you were the first dragon to marry me,â you clarified, because Sukuna loathed the prospect of playing a prince. âI donât really think it countsâŚâÂ
âMaybe not - but all these guys fawning over you are going to find out youâre some kind of monster fucker and start running in the other directionâŚâÂ
It was safe to say that the banter between you both never changed.
You on the other hand, were recognizing just how handsome Sukuna was becoming too. Youâve seen him shirtless a million times up until this point, but something about watching the definition of muscle build into his new physique, and noticing the way manhood slowly enveloped his body, began to hit you in different ways. This was especially noticeable when you would watch him train in the ring, paying attention to the fact that Sukuna wasnât built just like any average person. It didnât even occur to you how incredibly strong he had become until he would lift or move your body around like you were weightless and not a living, breathing human with physical mass.Â
One evening, while you both were walking back to your dorm from a dinner at a cheap ramen bar, Sukuna had the audacity to pick you up and throw you over his shoulder because âyou couldnât keep up with his paceâ.Â
All of a sudden, you were acutely aware that the scrawny boy that you used to protect was now all grown up.Â
Sukuna morphed into brick and stone, while you were merely glass.Â
For some reason, it put a strain on your heart.Â
You guys really werenât kids anymore.Â
This was only solidified a year and a half into his career when Sukuna fought in his first professional tournament at twenty years old. The man dominated the ring against his opponent. He broke the record of the most knock outs and became a household name almost overnight.Â
âThe Kingâ
Time moved at double speed after that.Â
Your fingers that were clinging to bits of nostalgia werenât able to keep them from it slipping between your grasp. Things were happening in a blur, and the sudden shift in Sukunaâs world felt like a birthing black hole in your own.
The night before Sukuna was flying off on his first world tour, the two of you were cooped up in your dorm room, snuggled underneath the blanket like you used to be when you were both kids.Â
This time, it wasnât awkward.Â
You had both experienced love and lust in different ways up until that point.Â
You knew that being this close didnât have to mean anything risquĂŠ.Â
You were comfortable with yourselves far more than you were five years ago.
âItâs going to be weird not seeing you all the time,â you whispered with a sniffle, while Sukuna traced the shell of your ear.Â
Two silver chains mirrored one another, one on your neck and the other on his. It was your parting gift to him, a reminder to keep a piece of each other around when you couldnât be together.Â
You assumed Sukuna would find it stupid, but instead he clasped the necklace around himself before doing the same for you in silent contemplation.Â
âIâll keep in touch, bratâ he soothed, but you could hear the ache in his voice too.
You circled your arms around his neck, eagerly clinging onto him as closely as you could for the little time you had.Â
âI am really proud of you though,â you spoke, your shaky breath against his collar bone, a tear rolling down your cheek as you inhaled the herby scent of his soap.Â
âIâm paying off your loans when the money really starts rolling in,â he chuckled against your temple.Â
You shook your head with disapproval. âJust buy your grandpa something nice,â you insisted. âAnd make sure to spoil YujiâŚâÂ
âThat kidâs already spoiledâŚâ
âBut heâs a sweetheart,â you emphasized, âand I know heâs probably going to miss you more than meâŚâÂ
Sukuna hummed. âI wouldnât be here without you.âÂ
You tilted your chin up as he dropped his head down, your noses merely inches apart. You relaxed the muscles on your face, your thumb reaching to smooth the crease from between his brows.Â
âGod knows what would have happened if you didnât save my sorry ass back when we were kidsâŚâ he said with an easy smile.Â
âYou would have eventually fought back,â you giggled, âbesides, you donât need me protecting you anymoreâŚâ you pointed out, your voice a little breathless, and your anxious mind running on the concern of if you might even fit into Sukunaâs new life after this.Â
He wrapped his arms around you, bringing you into the seam of his frame.Â
âI always need you,â he confessed, and those words were enough to make you break as the pain of his departure finally collided into you.Â
â âš .
Sukuna went off to having an extremely successful boxing career.Â
At twenty-two, he had turned into one of the hottest sports stars the industry has ever seen.Â
He had win after his win under his belt, and the second he partnered with Uraume it was a match made in heaven.Â
He was insanely good, and with Uraume by his side, he was now unstoppable.Â
You were provided tickets to any of his fights, accompanied with private transportation and accommodation if necessary. Sukuna always made sure that you were well take care of, and you always accepted because it was the only time you were able to actually see him. Those few days were precious together, before you had to depart and return to the real world once again. Each of Sukunaâs fights was a mesmerizing experience. There was something about his flow in the ring that managed to make everything else around him blur.Â
He was strong, but agile.Â
Brutal but swift with his movements.Â
He moved with regal precision, a dancer that understood the rhythms of strength.Â
Everyone challenged him, but all of them failed.Â
Ryomen Sukuna was a force to be reckoned with.Â
Despite the distance, you and Sukuna always made a conscious effort at keeping in touch with each other. You may not be physically there in each otherâs presence, but not a day went by without a phone call or multiple texts.
At twenty-seven, Sukuna was at the peak of his stardom. Your best friend found himself tangled between the world of fame and fortune, alongside his old life of normalcy and humble peace. He made good on his promises; setting up a trust fund to ensure that Yuji was well taken care of in every capacity. He paid off all your loans in secret because he knew you would never accept it from him upfront. He bought his grandfather a home in Osaka for him to retire to. And his peace offering to his mom was renovating their old, broken home into something new and vibrant for her to live her life happily now that she seemed to have finally settled down in her third marriage. Sukuna even offered to take care of his step brother, Choso. They may not have been personally close, but he was grateful that Choso was keeping a watchful eye on Yuji.Â
Your own life was starting to unfurl as well - you had graduated university, were experiencing your first serious relationship, navigating various friendships and landing your first job. It all felt normal compared to Sukuna, but the man never minimized your experiences.Â
When you were together, itâs like nothing had even changed, but the moment your realities bled into each other, it was a constant reminder of how just how far apart your lives actually were.Â
You were harassed by the paparazzi who constantly overstepped.Â
Sukunaâs boundaries were crossed by the people you knew because everyone wanted a moment with the star.Â
You found yourself in environments with the rich whose beauty, wealth and status seemed far out of your reach.Â
Sukuna found himself being treated more like an object than a person.Â
And yet, you both seemed to be settling down into your own versions of the life you were creating - always weaving the other person in no matter the obstacle.
At twenty-eight, Sukuna had earned more money than he could even imagine, and was still somehow only moving onwards and up. He was plastered on every magazine cover, was the the center of attention on social media by his most dedicated and loyal fans. He was stalked and obsessed over, admired and feared. Networks wanted to feature him on shows, movies and every talk show. The man was a composition of everything that people were projecting onto him.Â
He had become an untouchable to the eyes of every living mortal.Â
But to you, and just you - he would always be the little boy who was far too small for this big world.Â
After years of flings with influencers, models, and high end socialites - it seemed that Sukuna was finally settling down with one of the top actresses in the industry. The moment the two of them were caught kissing at a party, their secret was revealed to the public.Â
You, however, knew all the details of the ways in which Sukuna was slowly wooing her.Â
At this point youâve both grown tolerant of hearing about the other personâs love life. And at this time especially, you werenât affected by Sukunaâs first serious relationship because you and your boyfriend were discussing the possibility of marriage which felt close on the horizon. You had just bought your first house, and was considering the big gesture of having him move in with you. You had gotten an incredible promotion at work, and for the first time you felt a sense of stability that you had never really experienced before.Â
âWe should have dinner together!â You offered one night to Sukuna over the phone.Â
âThe four of us?â He questioned.Â
âYeah, I meanâŚyou know Sousuke really wellâŚâÂ
âYeah, and he hates meâŚâÂ
âBut I havenât met Mei yetâŚand no, Sousuke doesnât âhate youââŚâ
âI hate to break it to you, Princess. But the guy canât stand meâŚâÂ
You glanced towards your boyfriend who was sitting on the sofa, his attention on the television show he was watching. You stepped away from the living room, and quietly made your way to the bedroom.Â
ââkunaâŚâ you spoke, your throat catching, âI thinkâŚI think he might proposeâŚâÂ
âWhat?!â He exclaimed and you had to pull the phone away.Â
âJeez! Donât shout! Youâre going to make me pop an ear drum!âÂ
He groaned.Â
You sighed, âweâve been talking about itâŚand I justâŚI just really want you guys to get along is all. I just think you guys are just not seeing eye to eyeâŚâÂ
Sukuna remained oddly quiet on the phone.Â
âCan you say something?â You begged.Â
âFine,â he grumbled, âwe can do dinner at my place. The paparazzi have been hounding me trying to get any shot they can find of me and Mei. I would rather we don't go anywhere public...âÂ
You smiled, âdinner is perfect!âÂ
At first glance, the dinner seemed like a complete success.Â
The four of you chatted and enjoyed your night like you were all old friends, especially after Sousuke got over his starstruck moment when he met Mei. You and Sukuna told stories of your years together, inviting your partners to the pieces of your lives that you both shared. You could see that Sukuna was clearly attracted to Mei, and in turn he could see that you were happy with Sousuke. The night felt like a convergence without an implosion - an easy going settlement on the two roads that you and your friend had taken.Â
Thatâs why when your boyfriend called things off with you three months later, it took you completely by surprise.Â
Nothing in this world could have prepared you for that heartbreak.Â
It was a grieving period, a dark time of mourning that had you glued to your bed most days. This life that you had been carefully piecing together toppled like dominos. After breaking the news to Sukuna, you spent two weeks isolating yourself from anything and everything else.Â
Your best friend couldnât stand seeing you in this state, and showed up at your door out of the blue one evening.
You burst into tears at the sight of him.
He was there to mend your broken heart, and he never left your side. He told his team that he was taking a much needed break, and during that time made sure that you were fed and comfortable. He handled any extra chores, slept on the floor in your bedroom every night so that you werenât alone. He spent hours with you in silence while you wept, listened to you angrily vent your frustrations on how your ex could treat you this way.Â
One night, he woke up and realized that you werenât in bed. He searched for you, finding you in the kitchen staring at a small pile of bridal magazines.Â
Your clothes were rumpled, you hadnât changed or freshened up since that morning.Â
Sukuna didnât say anything, just placed two hands on your shoulders and turn you away from the painful memories.Â
You gasped and hiccuped into his chest.Â
âI couldnât sleepâŚâ you explained, âI r-remembered that I still had these, and justâŚjust wanted them goneâŚâÂ
Sukuna tenderly stroked the back of your neck. âYou know,â he said, his voice deeper than the ocean itself, the tone the texture of velvet. âI can always break his fucking legsâŚâÂ
The comment made you choke out a laugh.Â
âItâll ruin your career,â you whimpered. âItâs not worth itâŚâÂ
âFor you,â he soothed, his thumb lightly tracing the space where the base of your neck and spine connected. âItâs always worth itâÂ
â âš .
The blunder in Sukunaâs career hit early last year, when his relationship with Mei fell apart and resulted in one of the worst break ups that people have ever seen. Mei released a public, viral video that had millions of views and thousands of shares. She accused Sukuna of cheating for the entirety of their two year relationship, crying crocodile tears on camera over how she was simply another trophy that he could successfully claim while his heart always belonged to someone else.Â
That video made your blood boil.Â
You knew Sukuna wasnât perfect - but if there was one thing you would never doubt about that man it was his loyalty.Â
You saw it towards grandfather, to Yuji, to Uraume, and even yourself.Â
That man scoffed at the prospect of cheating, believing it to be a cowardice act.Â
And Sukuna was no coward.Â
Even in prior relationships, he was always clear about where he stood. If he couldnât commit to something, he made it perfectly known. You still didnât know what it was about Mei that had him finally let his walls down. But when they were together, he looked perfectly content. Every desire and every fantasy he dreamt up in his youth had finally been accomplished. But all you knew about their break up was that things werenât working out, and Sukuna wasnât willing to share more than that.Â
You were being respectful of his privacy, understanding firsthand how tough this kind of heartbreak can be.Â
He called you when the Mei's video first broke out, his voice strained.Â
âYou know itâs not true, right?â He questioned before even saying hello.Â
âRyo, of course I know that-âÂ
âIâm not a little bitch who would cheat. I would never do that. Nor am I that fucking stupid thinking I would ever get away with it-â
âI knowâŚâ you reassured, hearing the apprehension laced through his words. âRyomen, I know you. I know you better than anyone else in this world.â
He breathed a long sigh of relief. âI was just wondering if you might have been convinced otherwiseâ Â
Your stomach tightened.Â
âBut if you believe me, then I donât give a fuck about anyone else.âÂ
Something about that conversation clung onto you, it sat like a weight on your shoulders that you couldnât quite possibly shrug off. The tabloids, news outlets and social media accounts were throwing ingredients upon ingredients into the rumor pot that was bubbling and boiling over. On top of that, a new rising star had just entered the boxing world, and Sukuna was suddenly dealing with brutal comparisons to the younger, hotter talent that was Satoru Gojo.Â
You were the one who offered to take him out to dinner to get his mind off of things, not realizing just how bad it actually was for him.Â
When a gossip magazine posted the photos of you both huddled together (as you have done many times before) while having an ordinary dinner, it spun your world inside and out. Though the pictures were quite blurry, there were a few people who were able to recognize you. You were being harassed at your work, interrogated by your friends and were even being accused of being âthe other womanâ.
The worst part is was when Mei fed into the chaos, making a follow up post and stating that âa woman always knows, and is always rightâ in regards to her break up situation with Sukuna.
She may not have explicitly said it, but her fingers were pointing at you. Â
You donât know how your address got leaked, but when you started finding paparazzi stalking you in your own home it became far too much for you to handle.Â
Sukuna, on the other hand, was infuriated.Â
This whole time he was disengaged by what was going on, but once you were caught in the mix of this mess, it seemed that he was suddenly ready to cause equal destruction.Â
He sued his ex for defamation, sued multiple media outlets for harassment. He had Higuruma Hiromi, one of the top lawyers in his field, at the helm of this take down, and the second he shot back, it had everyone scurrying in retreat.Â
The tabloids, blogs and magazines all redacted the photos of you, reducing your digital footprint.Â
His ex, under pressure of Sukunaâs threats, came out with a public apology so that he would drop the charges against her and help her avoid her own PR nightmare.Â
The rest of Sukunaâs anger was taken out on the ring, with people seeing another side of what The King could unleash.Â
His match against Hajime Kashimo was one of the bloodiest in boxing history, his opponent left crimson and defeated despite seemingly holding a strong front in the beginning.Â
They dubbed him: âThe Monster of The Ringâ after that.Â
The damage was already done, and the stress of it all was starting to hurt Sukunaâs focus. When he nearly got disqualified in a match, that is when Uraume intervened, and felt it was necessary to include you in the discussion.Â
Youâve always had a complicated relationship with Uraume. They respected you, but you know itâs only because of your mutual relationship with Sukuna. Uraume, however, has made snide remarks towards you when you were both alone - about how you were merely a distraction when dangled in front of his championâs eyes.
âI think some time apart would do you both good,â they said. âThey are never going to stop hounding you because they think there is something more going on, and besidesâŚwe canât have Sukuna fucking up with Gojo now in the mix. We need to show the world that heâs still as strong and as relevant as everâŚâÂ
âItâll die down,â Sukuna stated with frustration.Â
The both of them bickered over it. It was the first time you have ever witnessed them in a heated exchanged. Your heart started to hurt because you were aware how all of this was only making your best friend see in shades of red.Â
He wasnât himself.Â
He wasnât thinking clearly.Â
This was impacting him. Â
You getting involved in this was impacting him.Â
âRyomen,â you said seriously, placing your hand over his. âI think Uraume is rightâŚâÂ
The man turned to you, his fingers lacing between your own subconsciously as he squeezed it tightly in disbelief.Â
It was the first time youâve ever seen him hurt.Â
âItâs just a short time apart,â you said with a comforting smile, âonce everyone gets bored we can resume our lives in peace. But right now, I can see this taking a toll on youâŚâÂ
He furrowed the front of his brows.Â
âUraume is looking out for you, and I think what they are saying makes sense. Donât you?âÂ
âNo, I fucking donâtâŚâ he snapped, his eyes glaring at his manager who remained stoic as ever.Â
âDonât let your emotions get the better of you,â they remarked, âI know a part of you agrees with what I have to say.âÂ
âYouâre not in the right state of mind, and you need to beâÂ
âItâs for your own good,â Uraume insisted. "You are gambling with your career. With your legacy"
The decision was mutual but entirely heartbreaking all the same. Sukuna drew the circus away, and it broke you when you realized that in order to protect you, he had to sacrifice something in return.Â
The comfort of your friendship, the sanctuary of your company.
It was the price of fame, and one that he was willing to keep paying.Â
As a result of this tough decision, Sukuna had grown cold. Not because he was being mean or cruel, but because he thought he was offering you some peace of mind. Because he thought that by withdrawing from you, it would make the pain of the separation easier. He wanted this distance to be a clean break for the both of you, and while he honored keeping in touch, it was just at the bare minimum because his calls and texts were few and far between.Â
The most you saw of him was on a screen, and you could see that Sukuna was miserable.Â
He was turning into something vicious in the ring, a violent machine that people glorified. He wasnât moving with the fluidity of an artist that you used to admire when you first started watching him fight. There was a sense of brutality that was now a part of his make up.Â
Sukuna was no longer a man, he was a beast.Â
His persona was dwindling into only intimidation. Every interview, every guest appearance, and every social occasion was met with detachments or disinterest. He was growing snarky and irritable, no longer willing to charm the people around him.Â
Satoru Gojo was the first to shoot at Sukuna with his words, dredging up his painful break up and even dragging you back into the fold with his commentary. The two of them grew to have a very intense rivalry. They exchanged heated arguments on social media, smack talked the other person in live interviews and had tense interactions in public.Â
The press and the people were eating up every single second of it.
On the eve of his thirty-first birthday, you received a call from Uraume.Â
âWe are back in the city,â they said, âSukuna needs to start training up for his match against Satoru Gojo.âÂ
You swallowed the uncomfortable lump in your throat.Â
âWhy didnât he tell me he was back?â You asked softly.Â
Uraume sighed, âI donât have to tell you that heâs been in a fowl mood. The agency is throwing a huge birthday party for him tonight which he is refusing to attendâŚâÂ
âSo, why are you calling me?âÂ
âBecauseâŚâ Uraume sighed, âheâs about to fly to close to the sun, and I can see he needs an anchor to bring him down to Earth a little bitâŚâÂ
Your cheeks burned at the statement. âAre you saying I am his anchor?âÂ
âI am saying itâs been almost a year since he last saw youâŚâ Uraume explained, âAnd I donât want him feeling awful on his birthday. I care about him too, you know?âÂ
You nodded your head, âNo, of course. I know that.âÂ
âI told him that I would stop by to pick him up for the party, but I think giving him a nice surprise might do him so good. Remind the guy to enjoy himself a littleâŚâÂ
âYouâre sweet,â you said with a smile.Â
âAs are you, my dear,â Uraume replied tenderly.Â
âMy, my, are you actually giving me a compliment?âÂ
âDonât let it get to your head,â they remarked playfully, and you felt a hint of ease realizing that things might not be as cold between you both as you thought.Â
That Uraume was really only ever considering Sukuna's well being first, just like you.
â âš .
Uraume made sure that you got to Sukunaâs place in one piece and without anyone knowing that you were even there. You clasped your best friend's present between your fingers, your exposed body shivering from the cold air as you rode the elevator up to his penthouse apartment.
It felt right to dress up; you wore a white mini dress with a mesh overlay that had little embroidered detailing on the fabric. There were cut outs in the back, with an adjustable strap from behind cinching the bodice perfectly to your shape. Your kitten heels clicked against the floor, the nerves suddenly tingling their way up your legs as you thought about what Sukunaâs reaction might even be.Â
This year felt like a century in the timeline of your friendship.Â
You knocked on his door gently, tucking your bottom lip between your teeth.Â
You could hear the trudge of footsteps from behind the frame, Sukunaâs voice bellowing as he spoke.Â
âUraume, for the last fucking time, I told you I am not going, and if you force it I will fire you on the spot-âÂ
He swung the door open and froze.Â
âSurprise!â You squeaked lightly, awkwardly lifting the gift in your hands. âI got you a present!âÂ
Sukuna blinked once and then twice, his lips parting as if heâs seen a ghost.Â
âUraume asked me to come,â you explained. âThey told me that you guys were backâŚâÂ
He stood there dumbfounded, for once rendered completely speechless.Â
You cleared your throat, feeling a warmth rippling over your skin as the man gave you a once over. His eyes flickered down your body, hovering over all the parts of your exposed skin. Your bare thighs, your dĂŠcolletage, and up the nape of your neck.Â
âT-they wanted you to have fun on your birthday,â you added on with an apprehensive grin, âthey actually suggested maybe a quiet night in and thought you might just want to spend it with an old friend instead of a bunch of people you probably donât even likeâŚâÂ
Sukunaâs eyes narrowed, his mouth pressing into a firm line.Â
He lookedâŚupset.Â
Was he not happy to see you?Â
âUhm,â you mumbled, your fingers toying with the ribbon at the odd dismissal and lack of enthusiasm, âI-I donât have to stay, but I did just want to wish you a happy birthdayâŚâÂ
You took a small step forward, holding the present up as an offering. âHappy birthday, âKunaâŚâ you said with a quiet warble in your voice and feeling like a complete idiot for showing up. The disappointment of his response sat heavily on your chest.
He lifted his hand, gripping the present as he plucked it out of your grasp. You cleared your throat, anxiously scratching the back of your ear as you lifted up the strap of your dress which fell on your right shoulder.Â
âIâll justâŚâ you added on in defeat, gesturing behind you to indicate that you were leaving.Â
You didnât even notice his arm sling behind your waist when your eyes fell downcast.Â
Suddenly you were pulled over the threshold, the door closing behind you in a bang before your back was pressed up against the wooden frame. Your gaze lifted up to Sukuna, your pupils widening when you you were met with his menacing stare.Â
âYou know,â you said with a gulp, hoping to the ease the tension as you tried to catch your breath. âYou really do look like a dragon when you scowl like thatâŚâÂ
âAre you stupid?â He spat with irritation. âWhat if someone saw you come over? We just got the press off our backsâŚâÂ
Your pulse hit the base of your throat. âUraume ensured that no one was aroundâŚâÂ
âI thought we agreed to take time apartâŚâ he argued, ignoring your words. âYou agreed.âÂ
âYouâre mad...â You pointed out, the tip of your nose wincing as you pursed your lips.Â
âIâm not mad, Iâm furiousâŚâ he said with irritation. âIâm trying to keep you out of this fucking chaos and you just waltz in, in this sorry excuse of a dress, like everything is perfectly fine?!âÂ
You looked down at your outfit, and folded your arms over your chest.Â
âIâŚâ you spoke, your voice trailing off as your shoulders slumped.Â
You didnât even know if you should apologize. You didnât do anything wrong and this wasnât even your idea to begin with. Youâve also never seen Sukuna speak to you this way before, and your confidence bubbled when you recognized that this...wasnât him.Â
You straightened your back, tilting your chin up to face him with defiance.Â
Youâre the only person in the world who willingly challenges him.Â
You donât even have to raise a fist to watch him break.Â
He was pushing you away, the same way he did when you found him on the ground of that kindergarten because thatâs what Sukuna does when heâs hurting the most.Â
âGod, youâre just as miserable as lookâŚâ you pointed out with a quirk of your brow.Â
His jaw twitched.Â
âI donât give a shit who catches me here,â you boldly claimed, âI miss my best friendâŚâ you added before shoving his shoulder, âand you, you asshole, have no excuse for not telling me that you are back home. Just because I agreed to us spending some time apart, that doesnât mean you get to just...cut me off like that. To not call me, to barely answer my texts, and to just push me away like I donât matter to youâŚâÂ
Sukuna winced, taking a step closer to seal the gap of space between you both. He brought his head lower, dipping his forehead to press against your own. Your spine seized in that moment, your lips parting feeling the heat of his breath on your skin.Â
You were expecting a rebuttal, but thisâŚthis wasnât what you thought would happen.Â
âYou are a pain in my assâŚâ he whispered, closing his eyes as he circled his free arm around your waist, âand the only thing that matters to meâŚâÂ
He nudged his face closer, so close you swore to yourself that he might kiss you, before tracking his lips along your jaw and cradling his forehead in the crook of your neck instead.Â
Your right hand moved him to touch his shoulder, your face contorting with a hint of concern.Â
You felt it then, something wet on your skin where his forehead lay, and you took in a sharp breath as Sukuna tightened his arm around your waist.Â
âYou shouldnât have comeâŚâ he took a deep inhale against your neck, smelling your skin before clearing his throat from any shakiness.Â
âYou said that alreadyâŚâ you grumbled unamused.Â
âStubborn woman, you never listen...â he breathed in once more, âGod, I fucking missed you.âÂ
â âš .
Sukuna opened his present once everything was settled, and once he finally embraced the reunion without questioning any other factors. He laughed at your little DIY stress kit that you put together for him. You both ordered in pizza, sitting on opposite sides of the sofa with the open cardboard box between you. You talked, and talked, and talked into the late hours of the night. Until there were only crumbs on the bottom of the box which Sukuna placed on the coffee table. The bottle of champagne that you have both been nursing was nearly empty.Â
Drunk on each other, with a belly full of food and simplistic joy settling in. Sukuna leaned against the arm rest, sprawling his long legs and patting his thigh sweetly.Â
âCâmereâŚâÂ
Your heart hammered, and you bit the rim of your champagne glass before obliging.Â
You stood up, swaying a little and watching his hungry eyes blatantly check you out as you sat on his lap. Sukuna adjusted his position, before dropping his palm on your thigh, his touch stroking up and down your skin.Â
âWhatâs going on with you?â You inquired, placing your elbow on his shoulder as you rested your warm cheek against your palm.Â
You were looking at him with concern, noticing his face sink.Â
He rubbed one hand over the exhausted expression, an intoxicated blush painting his cheeks.Â
âThe press are worse than ever. After Mei, itâs beenâŚrelentless. The stories they are coming up with, the things that they are saying about me. I went from being on top of the world to being the guy everyone loves to fucking hate. And with every fight I go into, people are just waiting for me to wash up. The cherry on top of this whole fucking thing is Satoru Gojo, who wonât stop running his fucking mouth. I want cut the little shit in halfâŚâÂ
You smiled, not to be condescending, but out of gratitude that you both easily slipped back into the shell of your own comfort. âRyomen, heâs twenty-one years old. Do you not remember how you were at that age?âÂ
He rolled his eyes. âI had more class than he didâŚâÂ
âBut you were aggressive,â you reminded, âYou werenât afraid to tear down the legends that predated you.âÂ
âSo, what are you saying?âÂ
âIâm saying that maybe Satoru drew inspiration from somewhereâŚâÂ
You placed the champagne glass on his chest, your fingers holding the stem as you swirled the liquid around gently. The silence hung in the air because Sukuna knew you were right, but there were other lingering questions pressing you at the same time. And thanks to the alcohol, you had all the courage you needed to ask.
âWhat happened with Mei?â You wondered, shifting your gaze to meet his.Â
Sukunaâs index finger tapped up and down your thigh in contemplation.Â
He closed his eyes and shook his head before swallowing the lump in his throat. âNothing.âÂ
You quirked your brow again, taking a swig of your champagne.Â
Sukuna used his free hands to wrap around your own, and he pulled the glass away from you to take a sip himself.Â
âWhy wonât you tell me?âÂ
He chugged the rest of your drink, and placed it on the ground beside him.Â
âRyomenâŚâÂ
âDonât push me, bratâŚâÂ
âBut why not?â You wondered, âI justâŚit just seemed like you both were so happy and then all of a suddenâŚâÂ
He dropped his head back against the arm rest and stared up at the ceiling. From underneath his black shirt you saw the silver chain poking through.Â
Your heart tightened.Â
You drew one hand on the locket, your finger curling underneath as your thumb tracked over the texture of the necklace.Â
âYouâre still wearing itâŚâ you mumbled.Â
Sukuna faced you. âI never take it off. Only when I have to get in the ringâŚâ His eyes shifted to your exposed, naked neck, and you mindlessly reached for the silver chain that you were currently not wearing.Â
âI donât wear it on certain occasionsâŚâ you explained guiltily, âonly because I am afraid that I might lose it.âÂ
âPlus, it wouldnât go with this dress...â Sukuna nonchalantly added on and you laughed at his comment.Â
He sighed in defeat. âThe necklace was a small reason,â he opened up. âMei hated that I wore it all the time. She would badger me about taking it off. The time I spent with you after Sousuke didnât helpâŚâ he added, treading the delicate topic with as much sensitivity as he could, âshe accused me for cheating. I told her she needed to back off because you and I had a history that predates her. I told her that if the roles were reversed, you would be there for me because you have always been there for meâŚâÂ
Your body froze.Â
âShe would pick fights with me over everything about you. Finally I had enough, and told her she needed to fucking trust me if this was going to work. But things never went back to the way they used to. It was always up and down with Mei. Finally, when she had enough, she told me that I had a choice to make. Either I cut you off for us to happily together. OrâŚshe leavesâŚâÂ
You sat up, staring at him with wide eyes and shock. Â
âIâmâŚâ you gasped, âIâm the reason why you both broke up?âÂ
The guilt struck you harder than you expected, and you looked down at Sukunaâs torso shamefully as you recalled the state of yourself post-break up, thinking of all the moments where you might have potentially stolen precious time away from his former lover.Â
âRyomen, I am soâŚI am so sorryâŚâÂ
Two fingers brushed underneath your chin, and Sukuna lifted your head so you could see him.Â
âI picked you,â he confessed, âI picked you.âÂ
âBut-âÂ
âThere is no âbutâ,â he said with a shake of his. âWeâve been in each otherâs lives for over two decades. You are my person. You are my family. YouâŚâ, he sighed, âyou didnât deserve what happened afterwards...â
His hands trailed up until his digits caught the hem of your dress.Â
âIâm keeping my distance to protect you..."
âBut you loved her,â you gasped, âI saw it. I saw you both. I wouldâveâŚI wouldâve stepped aside. If I was causing any issues, I wouldâveâŚrespected your boundaries. I love you, Ryomen. I just want you to be happy, and if that means that I take a step back-âÂ
âI did love her,â Sukuna interjected, the heat of gaze flicking upward, the rims slightly red from the alcohol he consumed. âBut I love you moreâŚâÂ
He drew all the air out of your lungs with the slip of his tongue, making you perch yourself up so you were actually looking directly at him. His pupils were dilated, widening as if to give you access to the depths of his soul. In all your years youâve known him, you donât think the two of you ever actually exchanged those words. It was always veiled with âI care for you,â, âI adore you,â âYouâre my person,â and âthis is why we are best friends.âÂ
But loveâŚÂ
That felt forbidden to say out loud, even though you both knew that the root of your friendship was only built on love, it shouldn't have come as such a shock to you for the confession to slip so naturally.
You gaze longingly into each otherâs eyes, in a way that you havenât since you were both sixteen years old.Â
WonderingâŚ
ConsideringâŚ
âI donâtâŚâ you said quietly, sitting upright as he shifted beneath you.Â
You wound up straddling him, both your hands resting on his shoulders while his own continued to tease the hem of your dress.Â
âI donât know what to sayâŚâ you exhaled.Â
Sukuna pinched the fabric between his thumb and index finger, allowing the silence to hang for a few minutes before switching the subject.Â
âDid you dress up for me?â He joked, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his devilish mouth. He slid one hand underneath your dress, making you gasp as his touch moved dangerously high up your thigh.Â
âWanted to look cute,â you murmured, your words lacing tightly together as the champagne danced across your tongue. You felt a pulse radiate between your legs, and you unknowingly clenched much to Sukunaâs amusement. Â
âCute for me?â He coaxed.Â
âCute in general,â you remarked.Â
His other hand sprawled across your back, and you knew he was testing his boundaries.
âRyomenâŚâ you warned, but it only made him break out into a full grin. His irises were drowning in lust and inebriation, and your own were falling in suit.Â
The hand on your hip dragged up further, until his fingers brushed over the string of your underwear. You scratched your nails down his chest, feeling your back arch into his palm as you mindlessly rolled your hips.
His lips moved to your ear, that mellifluous voice dangerously close. âLetâs play a gameâŚâÂ
He squeezed the fat of your hip, his weight lifting you up and the entire room spun as he pinned you underneath him when he switched your positions. He locked you against the plush sofa with his thighs, a throaty laugh coming through from your sudden squeak of surprise.Â
âLetâs see you try to get out of this one, Princess...â He teased, his teeth nipping at the side of your throat. âOr youâll end up being my dinnerâŚâÂ
Your body vibrated from the sensation of his touch. You gripped his jaw firmly and pulled his face towards you, your brows furrowing at the proclamation of a challenge.Â
âItâs not fair to go against a boxing champion,â you argued, your spine curving as Sukuna slipped his other thigh between your legs.Â
He dropped his head to the base of your throat, his teeth catching the sensitive spot just above your collar bone, âdonât worry,â he soothed over the gentle bite, âIâll play fairâŚâ
âDonât patronize me,â you grumbled through gritted teeth.Â
âYouâre fault for waltzing into the dragonâs lairâŚâ he alerted, quoting the very same line he used to when you would both play this silly fantasy game together.Â
But youâre not wielding plastic swords and entering into the enemies domain with a sense of courage. Now, it felt like playing with fire. Your skin was burning at the contact, at Sukunaâs weight over your throbbing body. When he nibbled on your neck again, your hand gripped onto the back of his head, tugging his hair a little roughly as you pulled him away.Â
Sukuna purred.Â
âYouâve never been able to beat meâŚâ you teased, giving into the world of make believe just one more time but speaking the truth regarding this fact. âIâve always been your biggest challengeâŚâÂ
âWatch me win tonight,â he pushed with confidence, reaching for your wrist and pinning it above your head.Â
âAnd what are the rules here exactly?â You quipped, your tongue tingling and your body buzzing with excitement and curiosity. âAm I supposed to kill the dragon and win back my castle?âÂ
Sukuna laughed, his eyes darkening as he pressed his forehead to yours once more.Â
âNo need to draw any swords. Letâs play a game of submissionâŚâ he boldly claimed, and your attention flickered to find his brazen smile burning even brighter on his face. âFirst person to cum losesâÂ
âAre you making a move on me?â You light heartedly disputed.Â
âNot at all,â Sukuna maintained, but you can tell from his tone that heâs veiling the truth.
There was something hard pressing up against you, and you had a feeling it was a nudge for some relief.Â
âItâs the dress isnât it?â you giggle.
âIf you even call it a dressâŚâÂ
âCanât handle a little skin?âÂ
âI donât want to shock you by telling you got me half hard just showing up,â he confessed, something unfolding in your drunken stupor.Â
âI can feel youâŚâ you sighed, and the man hummed as he molded his body into you.
You felt him twitch, and it made your thighs tremble.Â
âWe had too much champagne,â you informed.Â
âThat we didâÂ
âWe should probably stopâŚâ you exhaled, your lashes fluttering when you felt his thigh flex against your cunt.Â
âDo you want to?â Sukuna asks, his voice growing serious. His hand on your hip tugs at the string of your underwear, and he releases it with a snap as it pinches back against your skin.Â
You licked your lips, your brain too fuzzy to contradict what your heart wanted. âYou know I will never back down from a challenge with youâŚâÂ
âThat's what I like about you,â Sukuna adoringly praises.Â
âAnd we both know youâre going to lose, right?âÂ
Your throat shrinks, Sukunaâs hand gliding over your pubis to press the drenched spot against your underwear.Â
âDonât underestimate me, Princess,â he advices ominously, âweâve never played a game like this before.âÂ
â âš .
Clothes had to stay on - that was the rule you both agreed with.Â
To keep things fair.Â
To keep itâŚplayful.Â
Your nipples pebbled, poking hard against the fabric of your dress as Sukuna sucked on the skin of your neck. You knew for a fact that he was leaving a mark there, and all you could do was bite back as his mouth trailed down the column and over the slope of your breast. You whimpered when he tugged at your clothed nipple with with his teeth, making the muscles in your leg seize from the sudden contact.Â
You had to do something, and so you reached your hand between your legs to lightly graze over his erection pressing against his sweats.Â
Sukuna groaned, and you sniggered at the reaction.Â
You lifted your head and neck, bringing your mouth to his own ear.Â
âYou know,â you seductively stated, your fingers outlining the length of his hard member. âThe first time I ever touched myself was after watching you practice in the ringâŚâÂ
Sukuna cursed under his breath, your fingers squeezed around his length. You proceeded to stroke the heat of his member, striking hard for your first blow. âAnd I always do whenever I watch you fight. I get so hot and bothered seeing you in the ring. I even have a a specific vibrator I useâŚI named it after youâŚâÂ
âFucking hell,â he hissed when you snuck your hand underneath his waistband, bringing your touch even closer as you palmed him over his boxers.Â
âIâve never told you that secretâŚâ you declared, bringing your own teeth to his earlobe which you tugged mercilessly.Â
Sukuna lost himself for a moment, making you think this was going to be an easy win. But you heard him steady his breathing, could his muscles flexing as if to tame his own body back from giving in. Â
âI heard you onceâŚâ he stammered suddenly, closing his eyes as he recollected his memories. âBack when you were living in the dorm. I came over to drop off something, and youâŚugh, fuck-âŚyou were in the bathroomâŚmoaning. I thought you were in pain at first, until I realizedâŚâÂ
Your own cheeks burned at his confession, the surprise making you ease your grip.Â
Sukuna grabbed your wrist then and pulled you away from his crotch. He placed it on your breast, and you absentmindedly pinched your nipple as he slid his hand between your legs. He lowered himself down, slithering underneath you and making your ears sting with vexation. He pushed your dress over your thighs, exposing your light colored underwear. The noticeable wet patch made his eyes glitter with satisfaction.Â
âI would have jacked off on the spot, but I left. I was clearly intruding on a private matter, but that didnât stop me from blowing a load the second I made it to my place,â he carries on, bringing his nose and pressing it against your slit. âSo fucking sweetâŚâÂ
You tried to push his head away, and in response he dragged his tongue over the moist patch on your underwear.Â
âOh my god,â you moaned, your hips bucking from the sensation.Â
âYouâre the first person I think of when I touch myself,â he revealed, humming as his tongue lewdly licked over your underwear.Â
Your whole lower belly tingled, your arousal only slicking the fabric.Â
You needed to distract him from carrying on, but Sukuna hooked two fingers underneath your underwear and tugged them to the side.Â
You sat up on your forearms, pressing your thighs against his cheeks to stop him from diving in.Â
âDonât cheat,â you sternly addressed, but Sukuna only scoffed vindictively.Â
âYouâre still wearing them, PrincessâŚâ he pointed out, and the loophole made your core pulse with anticipation. âThis isnât cheatingâŚâÂ
With your panties tugged aside, Sukuna used two fingers to spread the lips apart.Â
He was staring at your pussy, studying it like it was the first one heâs ever looked at.Â
You wanted to say something, to ask what he was doing. But to your surprise he just placed a gentle kiss on your clit before murmuring sweetly into your sex. âYouâre beautiful,â Sukuna complimented, as if expressing a blessing before a meal then finally dragging his wet tongue up along the slit of your exposed pussy.Â
âYouâre ch-cheatingâŚâ was all you could think of blubbering out in the haze of lust, feeling the vibration of his laugh as he slung one of your legs over his shoulder.Â
It hits you then - the fact that this man indulges in going down on women. Though he never explicitly shared all the lewd details with his past partners, he did mention how it was âhis favorite thing to doâ. After all these years, you finally get to experience it for yourself. Feel how he latches onto your pussy as your arousal drips like heâs pouring honey out of the jar and slurping the sticky, creamy essence. You whine when he prods his tongue between your folds, expertly sliding the muscle as he rolls it in gentle waves to stir a budding orgasm. Your fingers intertwine around his locks, reading to yank him off until he slurps and sucks in just the right spot that has you simply massaging his scalp instead.Â
ââŚâkuna~âŚâ you mewl, your nails dragging over his scalp.Â
The man circles his mouth over your tender clit, sucking on the bud before pressing another kiss on the nub.Â
Your pussy throbs when he pulls away, but you were proud for holding back.Â
It was your opportunity to distract him, and you shrugged off one of your straps to pull down your dress to expose your left breast. Sukunaâs attention flickered upward, watching you tweak at the hard nub as you gave him a shy grin.Â
âThe felt really good,â you breathily whined.Â
He began crawling his way back up, and you used this opportunity to lift your body upright. He was distracted, wasn't even thinking about you finding a way out of this position. His lips instantly latched onto your nipple, his hands gripping the fat of your ass as he sucked on the point feverishly.Â
You licked your lips, doing everything in your power not to fall back into the black hole of his gripping dominance.
When he released you, you instantly pushed his back against the couch and climbed on top of him so you were safely straddling him again. You forcefully dragged your wet cunt over his erection, leaving a little trail of you to stain the fabric of his pants. Sukuna grunted with pleasure, bucking his hips as you ground yours.Â
âYouâre not as sharp with me,â you giggled, languidly gliding your cunt over his begging member.Â
âBecause youâre fucking distracting,â Sukuna grieves, his hands clenching into tight balls by his side as he refuses to grab onto your ass and push for more friction.Â
You felt him sink, using his shoulders as leverage to keep you perched in just the right position so your pussy was rubbing over his cock. You bit back a sound of pleasure from leaving you, and instead exhale softly as you continue rocking back and forth.Â
âYouâre big everywhere arenât you,â you tantalized, noting the way his jaw tense as a rumble erupted from his chest in a deep groan which morphed into a slightly sinister laugh.Â
âLet me show you.âÂ
He lifted his hips, making you pause at the sudden awkward shift. He pushed his sweat pants down just to meet the end of his boxers. The removal of the first layer was a small relief, but your eyes widened as he settled back down. His erection was tenting, pressing up against the thin black material and making you see a clear distinction of his balls and thick shaft.Â
âGo on then,â he tempted.Â
Your could feel yourself getting wet. The tightness in your belly only contracting further.Â
You stared him down, knowing full well that he was manipulating you at that very moment.Â
âWhy stop there?â You rebutted.Â
You helped pulled out the weight of his heavy cock from the restraint, watching his length smack against his lower belly as the tip dribbled with cum. Sukuna moaned when your thumb pressed against the slit, your touch dragging back and forth as you aligned yourself.Â
The sounds of your panting breaths were far too loud in this quiet room. You hesitated for a minute before lowering yourself, pressing the fat tip at your entrance. You gulped down air from the stretch alone, your arousal enough lubricant for your take him. You sank, your attention on Sukunaâs whose eyes were honed in on the point of contact of your sexes.Â
When your pelvis finally kiss his own, when your bodies were merged into one, you felt two hands seek your waist as you trembled in his arms.Â
Your dress had fallen back over, covering him buried inside you. You were looking up at him now as his chest rose to press yours.
A puzzle piece finally connecting.Â
He twitched inside you, and you clenched around his length, but neither of you moved. You forgot, for a moment, that this was just a game. That the two of you were probably going to wake up tomorrow morning not being able to face the other person. Your heart was racing, your body begging for movement but you couldnât snap yourself out of the bold decision you already made.Â
Sukuna was looking deep into our eyes, the sparkle behind his own irises making you think of embers on winter night.Â
His hands slipped up your waist, over the curves of your breast and up on the length of your neck. He held your head between his palms, the tips of his thumbs lightly caressing your cheeks, with his fingers to the back of your neck. He tilted his head down slightly, his nose brushing against the bridge of yours and he did something that caught you entirely off guard.Â
His lips were warm on yours, the kiss the softest gesture youâve ever experienced from him. He held a firm kiss at first, long enough until you were crumbling apart. You parted your mouth, granting him entrance and he swiped his tongue to lick the inside. He was tracing your own, his wet and wanting mouth only growing more hungry as you eagerly accepted his kiss. Your heart hammered heavily in your chest, and goosebumps peaked all over your skin when you felt his thumbs gently caress the soft skin of your cheeks.Â
Youâve never been kissed like this before. Never felt bursts of light erupt from behind your eyelids or your stomach explode with fireworks. This always just fun foreplay for you, but nothing that would make you quiver in heat. You almost came on the spot from this one little act that youâve imagined since you were sixteen, the one which you thought would never occur because of an unspoken rule on boundaries. But it was finally happening, and it was far too magical for you to even comprehend.Â
He swallowed your moan, tasted how sweet your desire actually was. The kiss was getting heated, your walls tightening around his cock His lips wrapped around your tongue. He sucked on it, before sliding his own back over yours.Â
You felt so weak; were reminded that you truly were just a fragile thing in his arms and nothing more.Â
He pulled away, a string of saliva sticking from his lips to yours but you shook your head as you circled your hands around his wrists.Â
âMore,â you cried desperately without thinking.Â
Sukuna smiled against your mouth and obliged.Â
You donât know how long you both sat there making out. But every time he tried to pull you away you sighed âagain,â, or moaned âdonât stopâ. You didnât even consider kissing to be an option on the table, but the more you were getting turned on the further your guard went down. Your hips started to bounce lightly, your pussy so bothered that it wanted some relief. You started fucking yourself over his length, your mouth battling with lips, teeth and tongue in a very heated stand off. Sukuna relaxed his body against the sofa, noticing you melt over him like you were wax. Your hips were moving up and down, your tongue languidly rolling around his mouth. You could feel Sukuna moving with you, bucking his hips in return. His jerks were growing sharper, his hands dropping back down to your hips to keep you in place. Your foreheads were touching, lips parting, panting heavily as you climbed and higher. The two of you were lost in the moment, forgetting everything else that led up to this.Â
You were going to lose this one, you thought, and you didnât even care.Â
Your head was spinning, your heart bursting, and you reached to hold his jaw in your hand out of desperation, hoping that by clinging to him it meant that you wouldnât disappear into the haze of it all. Entirely overwhelmed by the feeling, by this particular connection, your eyes started to water, with tears falling as your nose grew stuffy.Â
âRyomen~â you begged, your dulcet voice full of affection. The tip of his cock hit your sweetest spot and at that point you knew you were done for.Â
But Sukuna jerked his hips, the groan that ripped out of him made your belly spasm. He pulled out fast, shooting his cum all over you. Your orgasm collapsed into you just seconds after, and the two of you were shaking against one another as you tried to reorient yourselves to the present.Â
You were a mess, and so was he.Â
Two hands found your thighs as your torso collided into his. You placed one hand on the base of his neck, and rested your cheek against the crook. Â
âYou lost,â you joked with a sniffle, because you were unsure what to say, and because you realized you had just fucked your best friend and had no idea what that meant.Â
Sukuna just grinned, flashing you a knowing smile and a devilish smirk.Â
He perched your chin under his fingers, tapping the end sweetly.Â
âDoesnât feel like I did,â he breathed, and your eyes glittered once more.Â
You arched up to kiss his cheek, âI didnât know a dragon could kiss this wellâŚâÂ
Sukuna chuckled, bumping the tip of his nose to yours affectionately as he tilted his head down. âIâve had time to practice.âÂ
You sighed into another kiss, âWhat did we do, Ryomen?âÂ
âSomething we should have done a long time agoâŚâ he responded in between.Â
âYou love meâŚâ you breathed.Â
âAnd youâre surprised?â He interrupted with another kiss.Â
âI donât know what that meansâŚâÂ
He nipped at your bottom lip. âIt means what it means. I love you. Fuck, enough that I nearly fucking came inside you without thinking. You havenât been around and I feel like I've lost my goddamn mind in just a yearâŚâÂ
Your nails dragged down his chest your heart leaping its way up your throat.Â
âI love you too,â you revealed. âI love you, Ryomen. And I missed you too."
You both fell asleep on the sofa, waking up the next morning and replaying the events of your drunken stupor. After you both cleaned up and showered, you had a serious conversation over two cups of coffee. Though, you arenât quite sure how "serious" it was, considering that Sukuna had you sitting on his lip while you were gently stroking his hair.
He revealed that the reason why he didnât tell you about his return was also partially due to the fact that he was leaving that very night to hop on plane and fly halfway across the world. He couldn't bring himself to see you for only a short stint when he knew he needed far more time together after everything.
âUraume is right,â he bitterly admitted, âYou are a big distraction for me right now, and I have to be in the right headspace for this fight with GojoâÂ
âYou sound worried,â you pointed out with a furrow of your brows, your hands dragging back his locks as you threaded your digits between the strands to push his hair back from his forehead.
âIf he beats me then I am done,â Sukuna blurted, âwhat I have built will diminish into nothing. I canât lose to him. Itâll cost me my careerâŚâÂ
Disappointment wrapped its arms around you just as Sukuna loosened his own grip. But you could hear the hint of tiny, tiny fear behind his words was enough to you feel hollow. Sukuna has never felt threatened, but this was a serious fight for him. Heâs worked so hard for all of this, and he was not willing to give it up to some punk who just shot into the scene.Â
âWhy donât we revisit this after the fight then?â You offered.
He glanced at you.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean..." you exhaled, "what if maybe we just need to wait a little longer before we allow ourselves to have this..."
Sukuna paused for a moment. âYouâd wait for me?â He asked.Â
A smile ticks at the corner of your mouth. âYes, because you always come back to meâÂ
âThat I doâ he responds
You brush your fingers under his chin, tilting it upward once more to receive another kiss. âIâll wait for you,â you ensure. "Because I'll always come back to you too."
â âš .
One hand slides into the front pocket of your denim skirt, and Sukuna rests his chin on top of your head. You smile to yourself, though he canât see it, because heâs busy watching you slice bits of fruit as you place it into one of his ceramic bowls. When you were kids, Sukuna would have to look around your arm whenever he hugged you from behind. The years show the evolution of this gesture, from him suddenly perching over your shoulder until he could simply see over your crown.Â
He sighs, his other arm curling over your belly as he embraces you.Â
âDonât add the blueberries,â he mumbles.Â
You oblige, your back leaning into the breadth of his chest.Â
The two of you havenât touched one another since that faithful night.Â
Up until the fight, you and Sukuna simply returned back to the way things used to be. Except this time there were little alterations in your day to day conversations that indicated a shift.Â
For one, Sukuna was a flirt.Â
You were use to this commentary, but now that your friendship has taken a turn you find your cheeks growing heated more often around him because his words weren't gray. What he says toward you, and the way he compliments you rings very, very true. Â There is also a deep tenderness for one another that you both are finally allowing to express freely. You don't dull your affection, and instead allow it to overflow. And last of all, the longing to be back together was pathetically obvious.Â
You placed the strawberries, sliced peaches and peeled oranges into the bowl, your fingers a little tacky. âI need to wash my hands,â you indicate, and Sukuna begrudgingly releases you from his hold.Â
Youâre surprised that he didnât pounce on you so quickly.Â
The two of you only had one other sexual moment just a few months ago.Â
Sukuna video called you one evening, his face tight with frustration.Â
He was exhausted from training, and even more drained by the press.Â
They were claiming that his new âpumped physiqueâ was due to steroid use, and one little rumor had the representatives of the boxing association hounding him like he was a real culprit in this make believe story. Suddenly, his hard work and training was being reduced to the thing that the press claimed him to be: a cheater.
He called you to ensure you that everything was alright. That he was forced to take tests which all came out negative (obviously) and and effectively proved his innocence.Â
âI canât wait to be home,â he breathed with annoyance. âIâm fucking sick of this shitâŚâÂ
You were in the bathroom getting ready for bed, gently patting your moisturizer onto your face. âIâm sorry you had to go through that,â you stated, offering him only an apology because it's all you could give. âIs there something I can do to make you feel better?âÂ
Sukuna arched his brow, his attention hovering in front of the screen.Â
âYeah, you can take off that robe youâre wearingâŚâ he teased.Â
You jerked your head to the camera in surprise, noting his cheeky tone.Â
âHa-haâŚâ you remarked.Â
âIâm being serious,â he answered back, his mouth dropping into an instant frown. âIâve had a shitty day, and I canât even do the one thing I want to help me relaxâŚâÂ
You arched your brow. âAnd what might that be?âÂ
He revealed his canines, a wolfish grin brightening that handsome face. âFucking my girl...âÂ
Your heart thumped, and you swallowed the sudden tightness in your throat. You picked up your lip balm and dabbed your finger into the ointment before gliding it over your bottom lip.Â
âYour girl, huh?â You reiterated casually, hoping that Sukuna wouldnât quite pick up on the catch in your throat.Â
âYouâre always my girl, even when you werenât mine to call thatâŚâ he added softly, his voice pulling your attention back towards him.Â
He wasnât kidding around, with the look on his face entirely serious. The tips of your ears stung with a heat that you couldnât explain, and you just had the sudden urge to reach through the screen and pull his face back towards you.Â
You wanted to kiss him, to tell him that you always felt like you belonged to him too.Â
The two of you an inseparable pair for a reason.Â
Instead, you stripped down to reveal your naked form. You perched the camera towards the back for a wider shot, and allowed your body to speak to Sukuna instead. One of your legs was resting on the bathroom sink, the other grounding you on the floor. You had the camera facing your cunt, with your fingers buried deep inside. But it was nothing compared to the stretch of Sukunaâs digits, wasnât filling you enough to reach you to the pleasurable climax you desired.Â
âItâs not enough,â you gasped in between breaths, watching Sukuna passionately jerk off from he other side of the screen, âNeed you, âkuna~â you whined, âitâs not enough with youâŚâÂ
The memory hits you, making your lower belly tighten.
You dry your hands off to face him, only to find the man standing with an expression of guilt on his face.Â
The same concern you had earlier when you left the elevator reappeared once more.Â
You pick up the fruit bowl from the counter, trying your best not to give the discomfort attention. You offer Sukuna a strawberry, lifting it towards his mouth but he instantly circles his hand around your wrist and pulls it back down.
âI need to tell you something,âÂ
You scrunch your brows, and place the fruit bowl back onto the counter.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â
Sukuna closes his eyes, a look of shame washing over him.Â
You take a step closer, wrap both arms around his waist and rest your chin on his chest.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â You repeat, coaxing him to speak.Â
âI nearly threw the fight tonight.âÂ
You jerk your head up in shock, your lips parting as your jaw falls from the confession.Â
âYouâŚwhat?âÂ
Sukuna rubs his tired face with one hand, using every ounce of courage to look back at you.Â
âThere was a moment in the ring when Satoru threw a relatively decent punch,â he explains, âI had the lights knocked out of me for a split second. When I turned to face him it hit me then...that I could fake dodging his next attack before giving him the opening that he needs to win. One more hit and Iâd...collapse. Let the referee do his count, and that would be itâŚâ
You knew the exact moment he was referring to. It was the point in the match where your ears were ringing because you truly thought that you would be witnessing a loss on Sukuna's part. The entire crowd was muttering in shock, all of them on the precipice of a potential shift in legacy.Â
âI didnât follow through because I think Satoru noticed a change in my demeanor. It was only a few seconds, but the kid is fucking sharp. He wasn't smugly determined then, he was looking at me with...confusion. I couldn't do it then. I didn't want him to get a cop out on my end. So, I carried on the fight the way I would. After the match, I thought I could just let the moment pass but Uraume tried to bring it up later and I shut it down because I didn't want to admit it. Anyway, I needed to just get it off my chestâŚâÂ
âYou were going to give him that win?â You expressed with deep concern, tightening your hold around his waist as you watched Sukunaâs face to turn hard.Â
It hits you then - that the Champ, The Monster of The Ring, The Beast and King Himself wasâŚburnt out. Sukunaâs fire had been gone for quite some time, you just thought it would reignite after tonight.Â
But it didn't.
You bring your hands to his biceps and caress your palms up and down.Â
âRyomen,â you speak, licking your lips with hesitation before finally asking. âIs this what you still want?âÂ
Contemplative eyes meet yours as his palms find both your cheeks. He drops his head down, his lips seeking yours as he takes into account the gash on the muscle, then places a careful kiss on your mouth.Â
âI just want you,â he hums.Â
âMâright here,â you murmur back, âNot going anywhere.âÂ
âIâve been waiting for this,â he adds on, âthatâs all I could think about during the fight. Was just coming home to you, coming home to usâŚâÂ
A shiver runs down your back, but your body vibrates with an innocent excitement. âWe donât have to wait anymore,â you whisper. âIâm not going anywhere no matter what happens. No matter what comes nextâŚâÂ
Sukuna looks at you then, knowing full well what your statement means.Â
Once news breaks out of the two of you being an actual item, heaven knows what might happen. If the paparazzi have been plaguing Sukuna like a curse this whole time, it was only going to get even more complicated with you so intimately intertwined in his world. And now that he was back on top as the champion, he knew full well that all eyes were going to remain on him.
From when he was a child, no matter what he believed about his life that would deter you from him. His broken home wasn't enough to push you. His anger wasn't enough to push you. His detachment wasn't enough to push you. The chaos that is his world wasn't enough to push you.
You have always remained solidly by his side.
His constant. The only thing in the world that he can rely on.
âI love you,â he states under his breath, leaning in to peck you for a second time.Â
âI love you too,â you repeated with a smile against his lips.Â
There was no epic moment around this sober reveal, no exceptional circumstance other than the privacy of it being spoken with no one else to hear it other than the two of you.
You loved one another, in the deepest possible way you could love a person. From there your lips parted, and you carefully kissed the man before you as he scooped you up in his arms.Â
He repeated the phrase again when he placed you on the kitchen counter, with his fingers buried deep within the folds of your wet pussy.Â
You moaned it back to him after he carried you into his bedroom, with your fists tangled between his hair as he ate you out.Â
He grunted it out one last time, with his hand gripping the headboard as he watched your body melt into the matters when he thrusted his dick in and out of you as he made love to you feverishly.Â
And you mumbled it back one last time while he held you in his arms, the two of you falling asleep from a very long night of unbridled passion.Â
Sukuna was the first to wake at the crack of dawn. He rolled over to grab his phone from the side table in an attempt to turn off his alarm before it woke you up as well. As he looked at the device, his heart sank.Â
A number of notifications were blowing up his phone and it was making him feel dizzy.Â
News articles were already painting him in all his glory after his fight with Satoru, with his opponent looking battered in defeat. The press had finally flipped, and suddenly began to revere him the way he deserved to be. There were text messages from an influx of people, either congratulating him or wanting get his thoughts on the match. Sukuna feels the tremor in his hand build as he starts to scroll through the notifications.Â
He places the device on the blanket in front of him, his eyes looking out to the large windows as he watches the sky shift from a deep violet to a lilac blue. He turns this head to gaze at you. This image of you by his side, in a position that heâs seen multiple times in his life, feels different now too. The soft glow of new daylight washes over your body, and the stillness of the hour has him believing that he actually made it to heaven. Sukuna places a soft kiss on your forehead, then carefully kicks off the blankets. He searches for his boxers, then pulls on the pair before stepping out into his balcony.Â
He calls Uraume.Â
Usually they pick up quick, but Sukuna counts down the rings until they do.Â
âMy King,â they tease, their voice a little groggy. âTo what do I owe the pleasure?âÂ
Sukuna watches a bird fly across the horizon, the ease in his chest an affirmation to what heâs about to say.Â
âIâm retiring,â he announces. âIâm done.âÂ
The silence hangs in the air, streaks of orange and yellow begin to tint the clouds.Â
âI had a feeling you were going to say thatâŚâÂ
âis that why it took you long to answer my call?âÂ
Uraume huffs out a laugh. âI guess I was hoping for another piece of newsâŚâÂ
âAre you mad?â Sukuna asks, only honoring Uraume with his worry because he knows how much they have done for him to begin with.Â
Uraume sighs, âIâm not actually. Itâs the smartest decision you can make. You retire now and you basically leave the game while sitting at the top. Youâve earned that throne, and it wonât be easy for these rookies to take it from you so quicklyâŚâÂ
Sukuna chuckles, âyouâre right about thatâŚâÂ
Uraume lets the quiet overtake the conversation. âIâll give it a few days before I break the news to the press.âÂ
âAnd then what?âÂ
âThereâs definitely going to be a lot of interviews, and a retirement party that you will have to attend wether you like it or notâŚâÂ
âAnd what about you?âÂ
Uraume hums, âYou and I had a good run. If itâs the end for you, then I guess I can finally retire too..âÂ
Sukna furrows his brows, his nails scratch over the rail on his balcony. âI donât want you doing that because of meâŚâÂ
Uraume laughs, âYouâve earned my loyalty, what can I say?âÂ
âThank you,â Sukuna breathes, âFor everything youâve done for me. Youâre more than just a manager, but I think you already know that...âÂ
âI know it,â Uraume answers back. âAnd I also know that this is the right decision because you soundâŚrelieved.âÂ
He hears you then.Â
You were calling out to him, ââkuna, where are you?~âÂ
He turns his back to face the railing, missing the sun breaking through the horizon at the sound of your voice. He smiles thinking about the adorable, frustrated look on your face when you probably reached out and couldnât find him, and he slowly begins making his approach back into his bedroom.Â
âI am,â he speaks to Uraume, âIâve got to go. Will talk about this later.âÂ
He hangs up the phone, and returns to the shadow of deep, restful slumber. He places the phone back on his side table, and smiles at the exact disappointed expression that he pictured when he was outside.Â
The second you feel his warmth back in your presence, you snuggle up into his frame.Â
âWhere did you go?â You mumble with a yawn, and Sukuna wraps his strong arms around you as he nestles back into your body.Â
âNowhere,â he breathes, easing back into your embrace.Â
âHeard you talking,â you add on, you eyes still shut but your arm slinking around his neck to keep him close.
Itâs taken you both over two decades to get here, and he wasnât going to allow anything to come in the way of that. âIâll tell you about it later,â he reassures, keeping his loving eyes on you as he clutches onto his bright, new future with his favorite person.
A life that you both will now get to live in peaceful happiness.Â
â âš .
:note: hi, everyone! long form fics has been really draining for me these days but these one shots feel like a great refresher. I know this is a monster of a fic, but I hope you enjoy the story. comments and reblogs are appreciated!
tags (only tagging those who asked): @after-laughter-come-tears @not-9ok @axxk17 @sukubusss @lavenderdaydream97 @charlie-xo @kunasthiast @celestep004 @brownskinnedgirll @sukunasweetheart @kunascutie @joontroverted @emi311 @yuujispinkhair @starmapz @bellyei
#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna x y/n#sukuna fluff#ryomen sukuna fluff#sukuna smut#ryomen sukuna smut#ryomen sukuna#jjk fanfics
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imagine having an immortal lover who's an artist or sculptor or something. you two are madly in love with each other, being #couple goals and shit. life couldn't be better, i mean you're with the love of your life and he's an absolute YEARNER. unfortunately you're a human, and we all know how immortal x human relationships go. especially in the past since there's no photographers or pictures yet.
so basically,
you died :3
and he's all alone again.
since he's an artist/sculptor or something, he spends the rest of his days trying to bring you back to life through his works. a person is never truly dead until they're forgotten after all.
but with each piece that he produces, each stroke of his hand, every damn pause,
he's starting to forget how you look like.
he's forgotten how your eyebrows look. he's starting to forget the shape of your eyes, the curvature of your cheek.
he's forgetting you.
how could he let this happen? how could he... do such a thing to you? the one person in his life that mattered?
clutching his head, he can only regret that he didn't try harder to commit you to memory. he's not only losing you, but himself too. you were a part of him and now even the last bits of you is leaving? how do you expect him to remain sane? if only god could give him a second chance to correct his mistakes.
and... god did listen. i guess. after he had lost his mind and gone insane from the grief and pain of being alone once again.
because how are you standing in front of him again? all beautiful like the day you left him?
"do i know you?"
ah.
of course, this isn't the you that he met all those years before. this is a different you, but still.
it's you nonetheless.
what does a crazed man do when he finally meets the love of his life? he kidnaps them, obviously. how coukd you expect something different?
he won't fail to create new memories with you. ones that'll help him remember you even after you're gone. thank goodness for the development of technology, am i right?
what happens next is up to you. but don't worry, he's sure that you'll be happy with him. you'll be happy with him like you used to be. everything will be like they used to be back then.
it'll be simply wonderful.
#yandere#tw yandere#yandere x reader#yandere drabbles#yandere scenarios#yandere imagines#yandere concepts#yandere male#immortal yandere#yandere artist#yandere sculptor#yandere artist x reader#yandere sculptor x reader#suiana rambling#suiana brainrotting
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ainât afraid of a little thunder | tyler owens



ânow, sweetheart⌠I know you didnât come crawling in here in the middle of the night,â his gaze flickers between your shadowed, sullen face and the way your sleep shirt ends at the middle of your thighs. âjust because of a little thunder?â
warnings: minors dni, 18+. smut. unprotected pinv. oral (m+f). no physical descriptions of reader except some hair pulling mentioned.
âŚ
Blinding white light flashes, spilling through and under the gaps in the curtains. The furniture is, at once, illuminated a ghastly white. The room remains still, aside from where you lay in your bed, tangled in sheets and breathing softly.Â
What comes next isnât the rolling kind of thunder that usually spills across these parts, thereâs nothing slow or melodic about it. It comes as an almighty clap, shaking the old farmhouse down to its foundations.Â
Seemingly spurred on by the sound, the wind joins the symphony by crashing into the window, slamming at the shutters and making the two panels swing wide open.
The storm howls now, spilling through these old walls and waking you with a start. You shoot upright in bed, eyes wide and heart thundering in your ears. Rain splatters on the worn floorboards as you look frantically around your childhood bedroom.
âShit.â You huff out, hurling yourself out of the creaky, old metal-framed bed you had spent your teenage years in. You stumble towards the whirling wind and wrestle the window shut, snapping the latch shut once again.
You had been jolted so violently from your dreams that you arenât even sure your eyes are open until youâre staring at streaks of lightning painting the dark sky. With a trembling hand, you reach for the edge of the curtain and pull it back across the window.
Even with your view gone, as you slip back into bed itâs impossible to pretend that the storm isnât happening. It whips at the house, making the foundations creak and groan. Every few seconds, the sky will streak bright white and will roar with another clap of thunder.Â
Eyes squeezed shut and the sheets pulled high isnât cutting it. The weather rages just beyond these four walls, refusing to be ignored. Your heart thunders along with the bellowing horizon.
You toss onto your left side. Then your right. A frustrated sound slips your lips as you thrash onto your back. Itâs like the storm is just getting worse. Closer.Â
Each flash of lightning feels brighter. Each clap of thunder feels louder. You tremble under the confines of your comforter, lips pursed. You shoot a quick look toward the little digital alarm clock on your night stand. 1:55.Â
Panic flares in your chest. You remember being small in this room, terrified of these same storms. The nights where you would tear out of bed and race down the hall to the safety of your parentsâ bed.
Youâre a little old for that now, and they chose this week of all to be vacationing at Niagara Falls.Â
You pull the blankets tighter around yourself, momentarily blinded by the prospect of being alone in this big, rickety house all by yourself in the path of a storm â youâre miles away from help reaching you.
But you arenât all alone.Â
After a tough few days of field work, you had opened your doors â well, your parentsâ doors â to a⌠colleague, of sorts. If thatâs what you could call Tyler. You had a common goal, and he needed a place to stay while the two of you got some work done, that was all. It was easier than sending him to the motel an hour away.
Heâs down the hall, probably sleeping like a baby, in the guest room.
You couldnât possibly wake him. He would hold it over your head for the rest of your life. You would never live it down. Being a meteorologist who canât sleep through a littleâ
Storm.
Itâs that last, tremendous crash of thunder that sends you flying, once again, out of your childhood bed as it rattles the house. Youâre cursing yourself under your breath already as you pad, barefoot down the hallway.Â
Past pictures of yourself missing teeth and grinning, sporting pigtails and wearing overalls â all images of yourself that you would rather the famed âTornado Wranglerâ himself hadnât seen.Â
The only thing that stops you is a brief moment in front of the door to the guest room, where you stand debating whether it would be better to knock or to just slip in and hope that he doesnât even notice you.
You should knock. He could be naked. Shit.Â
Swallowing both your pride and the lump of solid anxiety in your throat, you close your eyes and rap your knuckles softly against the door. Maybe he doesnât hear you over the storm, or maybe heâs just a deep sleeper, but he doesnât answer.
You should leave him alone.
But you canât stand the thought of being by yourself through this. What if itâs something big? â You should have checked the radar.
Youâre already twisting the doorknob, as slow as you can. It complies silently, the door slipping open without a peep. You would have gotten away with it, if you had thought about the light in the hall.
You get a glimpse of him while heâs still asleep. Sprawled out across the bed, laying on his back on the side closest to the door, his hair mussed and his face turned away from you. Curtains wide open, still. His clothes are thrown on the chair in the corner. The sheets are slung low on his waist. A flash of lightning illuminates the ridges through the golden skin of his abdomen.Â
Then, that darned light from the hallway casts across his face and wakes him. He stirs, groaning in soft complaint as he lifts his head from the pillow and blinks angrily in your direction.
He says your name, his voice deep and growly from sleep. His tone vaguely suggests that heâs checking if itâs really you, but youâre too distracted to answer him.
Tyler twists his neck and looks around for a clock, pushing himself up just a little and letting the sheets fall to reveal the waistband of his navy boxers. âWhat time is it?â
âLate. Sorry,â You mumble out, still standing in his wide-open doorway like an idiot. âYou should go back to sleep.â
His brows knit together as he turns his head to look at you again. Grumpy looks good on him. Especially when heâs laying in bed, his hair disheveled and his clothes on the floor.Â
He presses the base of his palm into his eye socket, every bit as disgruntled as he looks as he rubs the sleep away with his big hands.Â
âYou gonna stand there and watch me all night if I do?âÂ
Your immediate reaction is to put your hackles up and get defensive at the accusation, like thatâs not kind of exactly how the situation would appear to him.
âNo, I just⌠I couldnât sleep.â Your answer isnât really an answer at all. Tyler reminds you of this by simply raising his eyebrows, as if to say âand what might that have to do with me?â. You shrug your shoulders. âI was just coming to see ifâ if you were up.â
âI am now.â Tyler offers. âWhat did you want?â
Desperately to go back to sleep. Youâre exhausted. These past few days have been some of the hardest of your life â and here you are, unable to sleep, trying to find a bed to sleep in, like a child.
You stand there, debating for a moment if youâre going to come clean. It would be easy enough to just admit your irrational little fear and crawl into bed, and deal with the constant teasing from then on.Â
Unfortunately, your body makes the decision for you. Thunder and lightning crash together, shaking the house once again. The rain whipping at the shutters does nothing to conceal the gasp-bordering-shriek that slips your lips as you jump and rush into the room.
Tylerâs eyes widen through the dark. His gaze is quizzical as he studies the abject panic on your face, then looks to his window. Then, he looks slowly back to you.Â
His mouth twitches. Excitement flashes across his face with a burst of lightning as a grin twists at his mouth.
âNow, sweetheart⌠I know you didnât come crawling in here in the middle of the night,â His gaze flickers between your shadowed, sullen face and the way your sleep shirt ends at the tops of your thighs. âJust because of a little thunder?â
âDonât be a dick about it â I know itâs ridiculous, I just canât sleep.â You rush out, folding your arms across your chest. As you do so, your shirt bunches and rides up just enough to prove that you are, in fact, not wearing any shorts. Heâd been wondering about that.
As he studies your face for the next few moments, you can see that he considers being a dick â and decides against it.
He holds his palms up in surrender, and shrugs his shoulders as he peels back the other side of the covers. Amusement coats his words as he drawls a playful, âWell, why didnât you say so?â
Closing the door to the hallway, the room is plunged into darkness once again. You trudge around to the other side of the bed, begrudging every moment of this ridiculous night. You should have had him sleep in the barn like you had threatened to. But then you really would be all alone in this big old house.
His eyes follow your silhouette around the foot of the bed, as the sky flashes white once more he takes note of the way your cute graphic tee sits a little higher in the back, giving him just the smallest glimpse of where your thighs meet the swell of your ass.
He waits for you to reach the bed and set one knee on before he goes back to trying to rest. He lays down on his back and closes his eyes as the bed shifts slightly with your weight and the covers wriggle around with your movement.
Then, things settle.
The bed goes still, and so do the both of you as you lay side by side in it. Itâs not an especially large double, but the two of you both seem to be choosing to ignore the way his warm shoulder is pressed right up against yours.
Itâs just his shoulder. His bare shoulder, sure, but itâs not like you could ask him to put some clothes on â youâre the one who came crawling into his bed in your underwear. Youâre just grateful that thereâs just about enough room for the rest of you to not graze him at all.
You close your eyes, and inhale deeply. This whole house usually smells like lavender and vanilla, but not now. This room smells like spiced oak and pine, and the familiar smell of his cologne lingers on his clothes, his belongingsâ his bare skin.
His voice cuts through the dark. âSo, youâre not like a bedwetter or anything, right? â Dâyour parents usually like give you a stuffed animal to get through this kind of thing, orââ
You reach out and smack him hard in his stomach. His hard, taught stomach. âShut it, Owens.â
The bed rattles with his soft laughter.
âI justâ Iâm blindsided,â He admits, still laughing. He tucks an arm behind his head, meaning your shoulder now sits in the curve of his underarm. âYouâre afraid of thunder.â
You throw yourself onto your side, turning swiftly away from him and tugging away his share of covers just out of spite. âNo one will ever believe you. Iâll tell them youâre crazy.âÂ
He grins in the dark.
âDonât worry, sweetheart. Iâm not gonna tattle on you â you have no idea how much Iâm enjoying being the only person who knows that Little Miss âDo As I Sayâ gets this rattled over a little rain.â
You roll your eyes, then close them. âGoodnight, Tyler.â
The bed shakes again with another bout of his quiet laughter. âYeah, gânight, honey.â
The pet names are going to be put to an abrupt end first thing tomorrow morning. Youâre going to give him hell before he even gets a chance to open his stupid, pretty mouth. Until then, you have to keep yourself from doing anything that might have you exiled back to your own room.
Once again, the room settles. The rain whips at the windows, soaking the soil outside. Thunder rumbles closer again, but the lightning flashes donât seem quite so bright.Â
You focus on the sound of him breathing. Deep, slow inhales. Heâs calm as could be, his weight pressing into the mattress and his body heat radiating under the shared covers. Uncomfortable on your right side but not wanting to be facing him, you roll onto your back.
Unconsciously a few moments later, you roll back onto your right side. Maybe then your left side. After that, your back again. Then your front. Â
As you sigh and twist, Tyler sucks in a sharp breath from beside you.
âGod damn, will you sit still? â Youâre gonna spin yourself out of this bed.â Itâs not until heâs done complaining that you realize heâs now holding you. His arm is secured tight enough around your middle that you couldnât roll over again, even if you wanted to. Facing away from him, your eyes stare at the painted wall.
He huffs, closing his eyes and flexing his arm around you as he drags you closer.
âGo to sleep.â He mumbles groggily, his breath tickling at the nape of your neck.Â
Well, if you were struggling before, then the sentiment is entirely hopeless now.Â
You lie awake, watching the sky crackle and glow with flashes of colour. Tyler lies with you, feeling you flinch at every boom that follows.
He shifts suddenly behind you, feeling you go rigid.
âThis thing really has you spooked, doesnât it?â His fingers sprawl across your covered stomach, his voice coated with a softness you werenât expecting. You feel him lift his head and peer over your shoulder, trying to get a look at your face.
âNo.â You bite back, trying to tug yourself free from his hold and shift closer to the edge of the bed. Youâll be hanging off of the side if you keep this up.
âHere, câmere,â Tyler murmurs, catching your bicep and turning you back around. Your brows furrow and your face grows stormy, and he can just tell that youâre batting up to argue with him.Â
He opens both of his arms and wraps them around you at once, giving you no choice but to squish against his chest. Your eyes squeeze open as he presses his lips to your hairline. âItâs alright, youâre alright.â
You stare at the freckle on his neck up close as his fingers stroke at the length of your trembling spine, frozen.
âListen,â He mumbles against your hair as another clap of thunder tears across the sky. âTwo, three, four, five â itâs already getting further away. Was just passing us by.â
âI know that.â You mumble begrudgingly against his chest, hating the way your fingers instinctively splay across his bare ribs.
Quiet falls between the two of you. You get it, heâs just trying to help â and frankly you are being a little ridiculous. He gets it, sometimes thereâs no explaining fear. Itâs just there.
His fingers stop at the base of your spine, disrupting the soft pattern he had going. Just for a moment, before he skims them all the way to the nape of your neck and curls them around the curve of your shoulder.
Once again, his mouth grazes your temple. Barely a kiss. Maybe even something platonic. Heâs just trying to settle you. But then, there doesnât feel like thereâs much platonic about the way youâre wrapped together.
âItâs alright,â He murmurs. You can feel the rumble of his voice in your chest as he gives your nape a soft squeeze. âBreathe with me.â
Tyler takes long, deep breaths. Slow, and steady, but not patronizing. The kind that make you feel a dizzy kind of sleepy. You could fall asleep just like this, wrapped in his arms and copying his breaths, but you wonât let yourself.Â
You dip your head forwards just a fraction, and press your lips to his bare shoulder. Itâs small, and again barely a kiss, maybe even something platonic. Just like his was. He doesnât say anything about it, and the quiet continues for a little longer.
His thumb strokes at the column of your throat as he leans in, turning his nose towards your hair. âThatâs it.âÂ
You turn your head too, closing your lips softly around his collarbone. This oneâs an inch less polite than the others, just a bit more daring, but still easy to misunderstand.
Opening up your palm, you trail your nails along his side, brushing softly from his ribs to his hips. Then, you stretch your neck and reach higher.
His fingers squeeze at your nape as your lips close against his throat. His free hand comes from its resting place against the sheets to curl around your thigh.
The tip of your nose bumps his chin in passing, he looks down while you look up until your eyes are locked together through the dark.
You would never live this down. Your work is too important to risk it all byâ heâs kissing you before youâre done arguing with yourself, and your mind is made up.
His stubble scrubs at your cheek as he presses against you, capturing your mouth with his, kneading at his hold on your thigh.Â
Your palm presses into the muscle of his back, firm and pulling him against you. Youâre the one who hikes your thigh around his hip. Heâs the one who twists the two of you and plants you firmly on your back between the pillows.
And then, youâre looking at each other again.
Lightning flashes across the sky, making his green eyes glow emerald for a moment. They search across your face while his hands take hold of your hips.
He looks at you in a way he never has before, all those days working together, his eyes hungry with lust. The intensity in those pretty, green eyes sends shocks of electricity up your spine.
âJust for tonight, and we never speak of this again.â You breathe, eyes wide as you stare up at him. Tylerâs lips twitch.
âYouâre gonna regret those terms.â He promises, letting that cocky grin of his twist across his mouth, raising his brows in challenge. You swallow, narrowing your eyes back at him. âBut, sure. Whatever you say.â
Right as youâre starting to think that maybe this isnât worth its risk, he leans forwards and turns your head to the side, closing his mouth around your pulse point.Â
His teeth graze against the spot, just sharp enough of a sting to make you gasp before heâs pressing against you harder, kissing harder, soothing his mark with his tongue.Â
The tip of his angled nose bumps the curve of your jaw, his stubble scratching at your sensitive skin. You hike your leg higher around his waist, pressing your foot into his thigh. His tongue dips from between his lips, flicking across your jugular before he captures the spot with his mouth.
Your fingers curl around his neck, squeezing at his nape, holding his mouth against your throat. A moan slips your lips as his teeth graze over your skin. He sucks a firm kiss into the spot below your ear.
He hums as your fingers slide up into his hair, rewarding you with another open-mouthed kiss in a spot that makes you squirm. Your eyes close contentedly as his mouth works against the smooth skin there.
When the next crash of thunder shakes the foundations, you almost forget to flinch.Â
Tyler twists his head sharply and with a sudden, mutual urgency, you crash together. He pulls you flush against him, sliding his tongue into your mouth and caressing it expertly against yours.
Then, his attention turns to the large, old local team jersey you had worn to bed. It was the first thing you had found in your closet. He doesnât seem to care, bunching it around your middle and tugging you forwards to lift it over your head.
Lightning strikes as the jersey hits the floor. As his knees sit between your thighs, Tyler studies your body. He has thought about this before, what you might look like under all that office-wear. His imagination doesnât compare.
He sits back on his knees, cupping his palm over the tent straining against his boxer-briefs. Your gaze flickers downward, eye-lids drooping with want as you watch him palm a hand over his cock.
âDonât move.â He mumbles, reaching out to settle his other hand against the soft curve of your bare waist. Itâs clear that he has a plan in his head, you can practically hear the gears turning as his darkened eyes study your body.
Stroking himself carelessly, he drops his hand to the inside of your thigh and pushes it back just a bit. Then, Tyler groans as he lowers his mouth to your chest. One of his warm, weathered hands comes up to caress your breast while his mouth cares for the other.
He kisses softly over the swell of skin, more gentle than you would have expected someone like him to be. He glances up at you as he purses his lips and blows softly, fanning cool air against your already half-hardened nipple.
Then, that talented tongue dips from his lips again, and traces the colour of your nipple, flicking back and forth across the bud before he finally closes his mouth around it.Â
Your head sinks into the pillows as your chest arches eagerly toward his kisses. Moans spill from your lips, and you just know that youâll be soaked by the time he finally touches you.
He doesnât keep you waiting long. Amidst his parade of kisses, as heâs approaching your navel, his hand dips between your legs. You almost flinch at the contact, keening into his touch instead.Â
His fingertips are featherlight, trailing the seams of your underwear where they sit between your thighs. His thumb presses firmer, experimentally sliding between your folds.Â
Taking your bottom lip between your teeth, you glance down as he looks up at you. His mouth twists as your excitement spills through the lace against the pad of his thumb.
This is most definitely territory that neither one of you have business venturing into. Itâs certainly going to make your next venture a little bit more tense than usual. The irony of it being your common venture that had led you here isnât lost on either of you either.
Tyler makes it known that he has every intention of bringing his usual cockiness to this encounter, smirking as he presses his mouth to your hipbone, circling his thumb softly over your clit.
Bright, white lightning streaks again outside the window. It bathes the farm you grew up on in sudden, harsh light. The rumble of thunder doesnât come until Tylerâs sucking a mark into the inside of your thighâ he was right, it is getting further away.
And heâs getting closer.
You gasp sharply as he opens his lips and dives forwards, mouthing at your soaked core through the flimsy constraints of your lace underwear.Â
The next streak of lightning catches all of the shadows in the muscles of his back, working and flexing as he peels your underwear down your thighs. He kisses the length of your legs, nipping and biting as he goes, tossing the lace to some far corner of the room as soon as heâs done.
Your fingers shoot into his hair, squeezing firmly as he buries his face between your legs. Eager and animalistic, he sucks and licks, holding your thighs over his strong shoulders. You shudder. He groans as you tug at his sandy roots.
As you have found with everything else he does, Tylerâs ginormous ego seems to be well-founded. He has every bit the right to be so confident.Â
Though, youâll never admit that outside of these four walls.
He doesnât need you to. The way your body thrashes and arches against his mouth tells him all he needs to know.Â
You hum softly like you havenât been moaning openly into the chilled room, tugging at his short locks once again. He groans into your excitement. At once, ring finger slides into you alongside his middle. He curls them both into you.
The sharp gasp it draws from you goes straight to his cock, eliciting another deep groan from his chest as he grinds himself against the patterned sheets.
All you can do is breathe, heels pressing into the mattress as you chase his mouth. Unhindered whimpers spilling from your lips as he works his fingers into you. It feels better than good. Incredible, even.
For the sake of your dignity, youâre grateful to lack the ability to tell him how good this feels.Â
âThatâs it, pretty girl,â Tyler takes a break to nip at your thighs and coax you towards the finish line youâre already desperate to cross. He looks up at you from between your legs. Your head is thrown back into the pillows, your muscles tensed and trembling. Youâre fucking yourself on his fingers. âTake what you need. You gonna get yourself there?â
Then, he leans down and licks one stripe along your core, making you cry out. âOr you need me to do it for you?â
âGod, youâre an asshole,â You rush out, brows furrowing in concentration as you desperately chase that high. He chuckles softly, leaving you hanging as he waits for your answer. âYes! Alright? â I need you.â
Tyler takes that answer with delight, pinning your thigh back against your middle with sudden strength as his fingers twist into you. You shiver as his mouth takes charge once again.
It doesnât take him long to blind you with your orgasm, your eyes balled shut so tight that youâre seeing stars. Youâre trembling as heâs kissing across your stomach
He licks his lips, still grinning as you drag his glistening mouth back to yours. Meeting you with exactly the same fervor, rolling his hips into yours. You groan at the gentle scratch of his stubble, holding him close.
âFuck me.â You mumble against his lips, trying to reach between your bodies to push down his boxer-briefs. Your fingertips graze his straining cock, stilling immediately. You glance down, eyes wide as you take note of his size.
âI donât have a condom.â He mumbles back, kissing you hard before you have enough time to comment on what heâs been packing beneath that stupid, huge buckle this whole time.
âYouâ You donât?â You pant, trailing your nails down his back as he sucks at your throat.
âDidnât think Iâd be needing one.â His hands skim up your middle and grab at your tits together, kneading them in his capable hands. He drops his head to suck at the tops of them, his stubbled cheeks scratching at the sensitive skin in the best way.
You almost growl in frustration, thighs trying to clamp together around his hips. You donât want the night to end here.
âIâm on birth control. If youâreââ
âIâm responsible, weâre good.â Tyler swears, flicking his tongue across your pebbled nipple. âIf thatâs what you want, baby. You want me bare?â
Your core throbs at his deep voice, so close and so filthy.
âYes.â You whisper, arching your chest into his mouth as he turns his head to pay equal attention to your other breast. âFuck, yes.âÂ
He finally pays himself some attention, sitting back on his knees and dipping his hand into his boxers. Your lips part, watching through lust-hooded eyes as he fists at his cock from between your legs.
âTake them off.â You demand, more urgently than youâve been before. Tylerâs lips twitch, but youâre not letting him have this one without playing first. âYouâre not shy, are you?â
He rolls his shoulders back, giving a slow and certain shake of his head. No, of course he isnât shy. Why would he be?Â
Your mouth goes dry as he pushes the boxers down his thighs and kicks them off of the bed. His cock springs free, standing to attention against the trail of sandy brown hair that trails Tylerâs navel.
Itâs impressive, and pink at the tip. Annoyingly as pretty as the rest of him is.
He looks carved from stone, kneeling between your legs with broad shoulders and a chiseled chest. Hair sprawling across his pecs neatly, and just down his sternum. The same kind of pretty light brown as his hair. Angled hipbones. Heâs defined all over, with strong thighs to match.
âYou have no fuckinâ clue how long Iâve been wanting to do this.â Tylerâs admission catches you by surprise, and the shock of it is just registering in your system as he leans down and covers your body with his.Â
His weight leaning against you feels better than youâd like to admit, caging you in. The storm feels far, far away.Â
The tip of his cock notches at your entrance and you forget all of the doubts you just had about what he had said.
âSo, do it. Please,â You breathe out, turning your face towards his neck, kissing the vein that trails there. âI want it.â
Tyler revels in the desperate sound you make as he drags his cock between your folds, his lip between his teeth as he watches the tip sink into you. He really has been waiting a long time for this.
He had made the effort in the beginning, tested your boundaries and swung by your motel rooms every now and again. Every interaction youâve had has been strictly professional, and he wasnât going to keep chasing someone who didnât want to be chased.
As your walls squeeze him tight and your mouth sucks at the column of his throatâ fuck, he wishes he had chased a little harder.
You roll your hips into his eagerly, gasping as he pulls almost all the way out and drives back in. You trail your nails along his shoulders, squeezing your thighs around his hips. Thunder rumbles somewhere far away, deep and low like the sounds of Tylerâs groans.
âYou feel like youâre fucking made for me.â He mutters, pressing his fingertips into the supple flesh of your ass as he hugs you as close as he possibly can. Buried in you as deeply as he possibly can be, he stills for a moment and pants hard.
You make an incoherent sound of vague agreement, nipping at the curve of his jaw as you rake your nails along his shoulder. He groans at the feeling, his hips stuttering.
Pulling out slowly one last time, Tyler glances down at where the two of you are joined. A muscle in his jaw ticks as he buries himself into you once again, hard this time. Then, heâs relentless, dragging against your walls as he bottoms out again and again.
The old bed creaks in complaint under the two of you, but itâs the furthest thing from your mind as your moans threaten to muffle the sound all together.
The sky rumbles again, another loud clap of thunder making your eyes snap open. Breathless, your head whips towards the window. You watch the streaks of lightning paint the sky shades of electric blue and white.Â
Again, that irrational feeling starts to gnaw at you.Â
Tylerâs fingers curl around your chin, turning you back to face him.
âLook at me,â He orders, giving a sharp snap of his hips and revelling in the way it makes your mouth fall open. âIâve got you. Just keep looking at me.âÂ
Dumbly, you nod your head. Your fingertips skim the ridges of muscle in his arms. Warm and strong under your touch, his body surrounds yours. His green eyes are focused and unwavering, his hands anchoring your hips to the bed.
Thereâs no room left for that stupid, irrational feeling. Itâs all him. Fucking into you, and staring down at you, weighing you down into the creaky mattress.Â
You arch your back, pushing your chest up against his as he fills you up. Tylerâs hand abandons your hip to hook around the back of your shoulders, grabbing a firm fistful of your hair.Â
His other hand shoves hard at the back of your thigh, bending it up and out of his way. Your ankle rests against his shoulder, your mind going blank as this new position allows him to angle himself deeper.
âFuckâ Tyler.â You whimper, eyes wide as you look up at him.Â
His hand flexes around your roots, tugging hard and making you cry out. You muffle yourself in the crook of his neck, kissing at his salty skin.Â
âIâm gonna come.â You breathe out.Â
âYeah?â He murmurs, lips grazing your ear as his thrusts grow deep and fast. âGo ahead, pretty girl. Make yourself come on me.â
You donât need to be told twice, grabbing onto his shoulder for leverage with one hand as the other dips between your colliding bodies.Â
His mouth is hot against your throat as you circle your clit, his deep and desperate groans filling your ears, the smell of his sweat and faint cologne making you want to bury closer to him.
It isnât long before youâre spilling over that edge. You bite at his throat, moaning at the way he keens desperately into the feeling. Your thighs squeeze around him, trembling through the feeling. Your fingers scramble for purchase against his bicep.Â
Tyler grunts hard as your body tenses all over, your walls squeezing him tight. His pace stutters just briefly, then picks up. Your brain feels like mush, your eyes rolling back as he fucks you hard.
His head falls forwards, resting against your collarbone as he cums hard. His fingers flex around both your thigh, and the nape of your next, his voice strained as he groans. His chest heaves with his next few breaths.
You sigh, contented as you turn your face towards his neck and close your eyes. He lingers there for a moment, covering you like a blanket, gently stroking the spots he had grabbed so tightly moments before.
Then, he pulls out of you with a sigh and turns to flop onto his back. Youâre surprised as he drags you with him, eyes wide at the prospect of the famed âTornado Wranglerâ being a cuddler of all things.
He turns your head toward him, wasting no time in capturing your mouth with his. âHow are you feeling?â
You smile hazily, turning your face towards his bare shoulder for a moment. âTired.â
He chuckles softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. The two of you lie there for a few moments, catching your breath and enjoying the comfortable silence. His fingers trail the length of your spine, swirling soft patterns into your skin.
You almost let yourself fall asleep like that. He makes room for you to get up and watches you walk away as you excuse yourself to the bathroom.
Heâs silent, but thereâs a smile on his face when you slide back into his bed instead of your own.Â
When the sun-rises and pours through the window, it wakes you first. You would complain about the curtains being wide open and the lack of sleep you had managed to get through the night, but itâs hard to when you turn and admire your view.
Tyler is asleep on his back, one arm outstretched toward you. You had been sleeping on top of it. The sheets are strewn messily around his middle and thereâs a distinct purple mark at the base of his throat, a reminder of where your mouth had been.
His chest rises and falls steadily, his face calm. His hair is still disheveled, another reminder from last night. He looks even more beautiful in the daylight.Â
Then, you remember what you said. Never again. How he had promised you would regret those termsâ and you already do, thinking of how youâd like to wake him and repeat last night.
Unprompted, Tyler stirs in his sleep. In doing so, he shifts his hips and announces his morning wood as it stands against the sheets.Â
Given that youâre still in the same room, and itâs still technically the same day, this surely doesnât count as a separate encounter. Your terms could still stand, you reason with yourself as you lean down and kiss his shoulder.Â
He doesnât flinch. In fact, he doesnât stir at all as you kiss your way down his muscled chest.Â
His brows knit together as he starts to come to. He blinks through the abrupt morning light, squinting at the brightness as he remembers where he is. He jolts at the feeling of you mouthing along the length of his cock, eyes going wide.
He takes note, then, of the shape under the covers that sits between his legs. He peels them back slowly, meeting your gaze as you kiss his tip.
âGood morning.â You greet him cheekily.Â
Tyler quirks a brow, but smiles. He shifts his hips and tucks a flexing bicep behind his head, settling back down against the pillows.
âIt is now.â
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we can't be friends (but i'd like to just pretend)



pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader
prompt: four times you spent a holiday with your best friend Steve Harrington and one time you didn't and missed him.
word count: 10.2k
warnings: friends-to-lovers, everyone can see it (including steve and reader but they're both kind of in denial), mutual pining, characters in their mid-twenties, fluff and (some) emotional angst, steve uses a cheesy nickname for reader, mentions of partying and alcohol consumption, some swearing, no use of y/n
notes: hi all, this is the first reader fic that i publish here, so bear with me, i tried my best <3 in light of the year-end celebrations, this fun little idea of a fic came to me and i decided to give it a shot, so i hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it <3
đĽđĽđĽ
âWhat are your resolutions for the new year?â
You looked up from your glass of champagne when Steve asked you that question out of the blue. You were both leaning against the kitchen island at Nancy and Jonathanâs apartment, distractedly observing your friends playing a drinking game you had both stepped out of. Â You were glad to allow your friends their fun, but mostly, to have a reason to get some alone time, just the two of you. A silent agreement, as always.
âYou know I donât believe in resolutions,â you answered before bringing a flute smudged by your red lipstick to your lips.
âOh, come on, kitten, humor me for a second.â
You raised an eyebrow at him while he waited for your response with a cheeky smile. You heard Robin burst into laughter from the living room, but you were too focused on Steveâs loose strand of hair and the woody scent of his new cologne to acknowledge it.
âFine,â you obliged him. âWell, I resolve to quit drinking coffee, exercise more, and buy a new and well-functioning car.â
âYouâre full of shit,â Steve laughed. âLike youâre ever going to get rid of Gina.â
âOf course Iâm not getting rid of Gina, sheâs my ride-or-die,â you said, referring to your personified old car.
âYeah, emphasis on âdieâ â you're missing a rearview mirror in there.â
You nudged him playfully, briefly losing your balance but Steve helped steady you immediately, putting a hand on your hips that hovered there longer than necessary. You chuckled for good measure but couldnât help the heat that rushed to your face.
Everyone knew you and Steve had a thing for each other. It had been that way since high school â lingering looks in the hallway between classes, overly tactile during a mundane conversation, pretending to forget something at the otherâs house to have a reason to go there again⌠Everyone knew it, was used to it, and never mentioned anything about it â you and Steve included.
Nothing had ever happened because the timing was always off. If it wasnât Steve who was dating someone, you were; then you moved away to go to college, and when you came back to Hawkins after graduating, Steve had just left for an internship in New York. Eventually, you grew tired of the never-ending âwhat-ifsâ and made your peace knowing that Steve Harrington would always be more than just a friend but less than a lover. A fine line you both tiptoed in and out of too much over the past eight years.
âWhat about you?â you eventually asked Steve. âYouâre corny as shit, you must have a lot of them resolutions in mind.â
âI only thought of a couple, and theyâre not that corny.â
âLet me be the judge of that.â
Steve laughed again, running a hand through his hair as he reflected on what heâd say. You admired him while he did so. It was frustrating, still having that teenage crush on your longtime friend, not being able to let it go, not entirely at least. You sometimes wished you could be his friend the way Robin was to him, or Eddie was to you. It would make it all so much easier, so much less painful than this in two minds you were both stuck in, this blatant desire for more, this fear that it could all be ruined in seconds, poor decisions fragmenting the illusion of a blissful friendship.
âI thought about learning how to play the guitar.â
âClichĂŠ,â you teased. âWhat else?â
You could see the turn the conversation had taken when Steve hesitated before talking â looked nervous, even.
âMoving out. Getting my own place.â
You stared at Steve, quiet. You couldnât say you were surprised â heâd been roommates with Eddie since they both enrolled in community college a few years ago. Even after graduating and getting a job, they stayed that way, because it was simple; splitting the bills, having someone to talk to after a lonely day. But it could only work for so long. It was only a matter of time until one or the other got bored and needed a change of scenery. To you, it was no surprise Steve had that revelation first.
âYou sound serious,â was the only comment you could express.
âBecause I am,â Steve said. âI started looking at one-bedroom apartments to rent in the neighborhood.â
âDoes Eddie know?â you asked.
Steve pursed his lips as he shook his head from left to right. You hummed and couldnât help but look at the young man in question, with his curly hair tied back in a bun and his poor imitation of some football player his team had to guess the name of. You loved this friend group â you loved the dynamic, the hijinks, and the stability. You loved hanging out with Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan at Eddie and Steve's apartment. You loved everything about it and the thought of losing your bearings, of disrupting your habits, made you too sad for the 31st of December, five minutes away from another midnight of confetti, embraces, and promises.
âYouâre the first person I told,â Steve eventually said, breaking the silence that had settled between you two. âI thought you could share some of that wisdom you have to advise me.â
You snorted, lazily knocking your shoulder against his arm. âYou buttering up to me, Harrington?â
âOnly if itâs working.â
You got lost in his beautiful brown eyes, aware of the subtlest things, like his pinky finger brushing your hand timidly, the mint toothpaste on his breath, or how perfectly he wore the sweater you gifted him. It felt so right, standing close to him and toying with the possibility of the unknown. It always did with Steve.
âOkay guys, itâs officially one minute away from midnight, gather âround!!â Nancy exclaimed, clapping her hands to get everyoneâs attention.
Reluctantly, you left the little bubble of peace and happiness you had created in the kitchen, Steve following closely behind. As you started counting down from ten, surrounded by all your closest and dearest friends, you only had eyes for Steve.
It had become a habit since you first celebrated New Yearâs Eve with him years ago â you couldnât help but wonder if heâd kiss you at midnight. It was a fantasy youâd entertained ever since you were eighteen, the final and first thought of each year that passed without ever becoming real. Each year, naively, you thought itâd be different. But each year, it was the same old song all over again.
As the clock struck midnight and cheers erupted among the friend group, you hugged everyone. You saved the best âtil last, heart beating frantically as Steve wrapped his arms around you. You buried your face in his neck, getting drunk on his cologne â pathetic, disillusioned.
âHappy New Year, kitten,â Steve whispered in your ear before kissing your cheek â soft, tender, and terribly platonic, as usual.
âHappy New Year, Harrington,â you kissed his cheek in return, the trace of your lipstick leaving a mark on his skin like a temporary tattoo.
And you were too busy thinking about the undone to notice that this year, Steve held you in his arms a little longer than usual.
đšđšđš
âBro-lentineâs Day?â
âIs that one of those boys band they keep talking about on the radio?"
You held back a laugh at Steveâs question and Eddieâs comment regarding the odd suggestion Robin had just made. The four of you were waiting in line at a Wendy's drive-thru in Steveâs car, the crescent moon shining its feeble light in the night sky above.
âWhy would you even think about spending Valentineâs Day with your loser single friends when you have a beautiful girlfriend you could shower with gifts?â Eddie asked, to which Steve, behind the wheel, concurred immediately.
âI mean, I obviously love you guys, but I mostly suggest that because Vickieâs working a night shift on the 14th and I figured itâd be nice to hang out together, the four of us, instead of just⌠I donât know, being alone?â Robin admitted.
âOh, so weâre your stand-ins?â Eddie exclaimed, feigning offense under your amused attention. âClassy, Buckley.â
âThat sounds a hell of a lot like a pity party, Rob,â Steve pointed out.
You laughed along as Robin kept putting her foot in her mouth. It was often like that â Robin and Eddie gently bickering in the back seats while you exchanged knowing looks with Steve, in your designated seat at the front of the car.
The only difference was this time, when Steve searched for your eyes to have a silent laugh with you, you avoided his gaze, pretending to look in the distance, thinking about something you needed to say to him but couldn���t find the courage to.
âOkay, fine,â Eddie eventually yielded. âLetâs do this thing. But I have one condition â we go to Steveâs new apartment.â
âExcellent idea!â Robin exclaimed, enthusiastic.
âI told you guys, Iâm not done unboxing my stuff, the place is a mess,â Steve argued as he started the ignition to move forward.
Robin rolled her eyes. âYou say that like you have a thousand boxes.â
âIt's his plethora of hair products - they take up a lot of room,â Eddie teased, which made Robin snort.
âYouâre both hilarious, seriously, I canât stop laughing,â Steve said with a straight face.
âSo, itâs a deal,â Eddie said. âBro-lentineâs Day at Steveâs new place â no, Iâm sorry Rob, youâll have to find another name, I hate how it sounds when it comes out of my mouth.â
âWhat do you think, babes?â
You only focused back on the conversation when Robin called your name, looking away from the constellations in the sky.
âHmm? Oh, Iâm sorry babes but count me out of this one,â you said with a sorry smile.
Robin laughed, thinking you were probably messing with her. Steve was driving slowly now that the line ahead finally seemed to clear.
âRight, because you have something better to do on Valentineâs Day, of course,â Robin joked while Eddie chuckled.
You tried not to take offense because you knew it was some innocent banter, but it didnât stop you from frowning.
âActually, yes, I do,â you contradicted. âI have a date that day.â
The car braked abruptly, causing a blast of horns from the vehicle behind and surprised yelps from the back seats.
âWhat the fuck, Harrington??â Eddie ranted. âThatâs why I keep telling you youâre a shit driver, seriously, how did you manage to get your license, man?"
âSorry, I got⌠distracted for a secâ,â Steve apologized.
You couldnât bear to look Steve in the eye, so you toyed with the bracelets around your wrists and stared at your shoes, waiting for your friendsâ reaction to the news.
âIs it someone we know?â Robin asked bluntly. âItâs the cute guy from the music shop at the mall, isnât it? I knew he had a crush on you, youâre the only one who got Like a Prayer for half price.â
âIt was⌠actually a twenty-percent discount,â you corrected, even though none of your friends cared about that information.
âWho even asks someone out on Valentineâs Day?â Eddie asked himself out loud. âWe have three hundred and sixty-five days a year, why choose this nightmare of a commercialized day deliberately?â
âI think itâs cute,â Robin shrugged.
You attempted a smile, but it was nowhere near convincing. Robin and Eddie werenât even paying attention to you anymore, discussing with each other the pros and cons of a first date on the 14th of February. You gathered the courage to look at Steve, decipher his expression. He mightâve been trying to get your attention a moment ago, but now, he was just staring in front of him, both hands firmly holding the lower part of the wheel.
âSo, youâre really going to abandon me with these two idiots, huh?â
Your laugh at Steveâs rhetorical question was a mix of amusement and relief. If there was one thing that meant more than anything to you, it was the harmony between you two. You knew that as soon as you or Steve dated someone, that harmony was threatened. It had happened before. It was a fatality.
âYouâll be just fine,â you assured softly. âItâs just one night.â
Steve chuckled, finally making it to the pickup window. âYeah, youâre right. Just one night. Easy-peasy.â
At that moment, you couldnât have imagined that on the 14th of February, youâd find yourself knocking on Steveâs door at ten in the evening, makeup ruined by your disappointed tears, holding tight to your coat and shame in the cold evening air.
When Steve opened the door and saw you standing before him, he blinked at the unexpected sight of you sniffing and shivering.
âWhat are you doing here, kitten? Is everything okay?â
As soon as you heard Steveâs voice and the concern he displayed, it was out of your control â another tear rolled down your cheek.
âOh no. Come here.â
You didnât need to be asked twice- when Steve opened his arms at you, you dived in, letting him hug you tight, accepting his warmth and empathy.
âDude stood you up?â Steve asked, voice muffled as his face was buried in your hair.
âWorse,â you said. âHe was there.â
Steve huffed, because it couldâve been a funny anecdote if not for the dried mascara that ran under your eyes.
âSo, weâre not going to the music shop again, huh?â
âI never said it was the guy from the music shop,â you pointed out.
âYou never denied it either.â
You snorted and you felt Steve smile against your head. He was the first to part from your embrace, but you were under the impression he couldâve stayed like that much longer.
âWhatâs taking so long, dingus?â Robin shouted from the living room. âYou need help with the pizzas?â
âItâs not the pizzas,â Steve retorted as you stepped inside the apartment.
Both Robin and Eddie turned around on the couch and looked equally surprised to see you there.
âIs it okay if I crash Bro-lentineâs Day?â you asked sheepishly.
âWeâre not calling it that!â Eddie said in a singsong.
âYouâre more than welcome to crash Bro-lentineâs Day, babes,â Robin told you while wrapping her arm around your shoulders as you sat next to her.
âI give up,â Eddie sighed before heading for the kitchen.
âWhat did the loser do to get you like that?â Robin inquired, touching your face where the tears had dried.
âHonestly, he wasnât even that bad,â you explained. âHe just⌠wasnât what I expected. I guess Iâm tired of getting my hopes up and ending up disappointed every time.â You paused, reflecting on that state of mind. âItâs stupid, I know.â
âItâs not stupid,â Robin contradicted with a sympathetic smile. âItâs Valentineâs Day, anyone wouldâve expected a perfect date.â
âHence why you donât date on that doomed day.â
âCanât you just let it go already, Eddie??â
You smiled softly at your friendsâ innocent quarrel, and you realized in the end, there were no other people youâd rather spend the day of love and romance with.
So, you settled comfortably on the couch in Steveâs new apartment, surrounded by dozens of wrapped boxes and your closest friends with a glass of wine and a cheesy movie to watch, sharing the details of your date with them.
âWell, his loss, darling, not yours,â Eddie said in conclusion to your story.
âDefinitely,â Robin nodded.
You smiled lightly and you thought maybe, just maybe, they were right.
âWhy are you smiling like that, Harrington?â Eddie then asked.
âHmm? Oh, no reason,â Steve answered casually before finding a tiny spot between you and Robin on the couch.
đđđ
There was nothing more frustrating than being late to meet your friends and having your carâs engine make that hideous sputtering sound as you kept putting the key in the ignition without it ever starting.
âShit, shit, shit, shit,â you echoed in sync with the carâs noises.
âI see Ginaâs being cranky today.â
You glared at Steve, sitting in the passenger seat and enjoying himself a little too much.
âItâs too hot outside, she doesnât like it when itâs too hot,â you explained to yourself more than Steve.
âItâs the 4th of July, kitten. Itâs always hot on the 4th of July.â
âThank you so much for this enlightening forecast, Harrington, have you ever considered a career in meteorology?â
You bit your lip when you realized how harsh your comeback had sounded. You slowly turned your head to lay regretful eyes on your friend.
âSorry,â you winced.
âYouâre good. I think I know why Ginaâs cranky today â she takes from her owner.â
You rolled your eyes but didnât bother denying it.
The sun was starting to set in a sky adorned with pink and orange hues only summer could take credit for. The air was hot, crickets chirping and bees buzzing while the whole town was already busying itself in preparation for the incoming festivities.
For the past six years, on Independence Day, youâve met all your friends by the lake on the outskirts of Hawkins to have a barbecue with beers and watch the fireworks. It was a tradition you all honored religiously each Fourth of July.
Except this year, Robin was celebrating with Vickieâs family, Eddie was working at the music camp, which meant you were spending the evening with Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve, a group hangout that looked an awful lot like a double date, and it worked yourself up into quite a state.
âDid you get the Buds?â you asked Steve as the ignition still wouldnât start.
âPacks in the trunk,â Steve answered straight off.
âAnd the blankets?â
âIn the backseat.â
âThe radio for the music?â
âNanceâs taking care of it.â
You fell back in your seat after failing one too many times to start the car and just closed your eyes, sighing heavily. You wiped your hands on your shorts, the summer heat getting the best of you, chest heaving and patience hanging by a thread.
âWe can take my car tonight, maybe Gina needs the rest,â Steve suggested. It irritated you even more.
âWe always take your car, tonightâs the one night a year we take mine,â you argued, putting the keys in the ignition again.
âWeâll take yours another time, then, itâs no big deal.â
âNo,â you just said.
Without a heads-up, you got out of the vehicle. Steve followed you as you opened the hood to check the engine. You were rough in your endeavor, hair falling out on your face and hands quickly stained with oil.
âWhy are you being so stubborn today?â Steve asked you, tone cutting sharp like a knife.
âIâm not.â
âYes, you are! You can tell as much as I can your carâs not going anywhere tonight, mineâs parked right behind and ready to go, so why are we losing time for nothing?â
âSheâs just being picky right now but Iâm getting there. She needs a little boost and sheâs good to go,â you insisted, wiping the back of your hand on your forehead before realizing itâd smudge the oil.
âYeah, sure, at this rate, sheâll be good to go for Thanksgiving,â Steve said ironically.
You shut the hood close abruptly, shooting daggers at Steve as he stood in front of you with his arms crossed. He looked just as irritated as you did.
âYouâre being an asshole,â you stated matter-of-factly.
Steve snickered, eyebrows raising like he couldnât believe what he just heard.
âOh, Iâm the asshole in this situation? Youâre a fine one to talk!â
âAre you seriously turning the tables on me right now?!â
âIâm not, youâre clearly in a mood today and youâre taking it out on me! Last I heard, Iâm not a punching bag!â
Your face twisted into a scowl because Steve annoyed you a great deal, but mostly because he was right. You were far from being good company today, and today was meant to be fun, chill, eventful. You could blame it all on Gina, but you knew that was just the tip of the iceberg.
âIâm just saying Iâm going to get the car started just fine, all I need is a few minutes to figure it out. And weâre already late anyway, they wonât hate us for the extra ten minutes,â you said as you opened the hood again.
âThis is not about the car and we both know it,â Steve stated, sure of himself. Of course, he was â he knew you like the back of his hand.
You closed the hood as soon as you opened it, walking closer to Steve to face him properly.
âMaybe you should take it easy if you want her to work, you know,â Steve remarked.
âWhy donât you just say whatâs on my mind, Steve? Since you apparently know it better than I do,â you hit him with your words.
âBut thatâs just the thing! I donât!â Steve exclaimed, his voice raising an octave. âI donât know whatâs going on with you right now and you wonât tell me a goddamn thing!â
âYou already know whatâs going on with me, I made it perfectly clear â I want my fucking car to start so we can go and meet our friends, as we do every year!â
âAnd I made it perfectly clear that we can take my car, so why are we still arguing about this??â
âBecause itâs the way things are supposed to be!!â
The silence that followed that revelation felt intrusive. You couldnât wait for Steve to tell you off, to argue with you some more, but instead, he didnât say another word and just stared at you, dumbfounded. It allowed you to reflect on your behavior of the past ten minutes and you immediately dropped your eyes to look at your shoes, ashamed.
âWhat do you mean?â Steve asked you then, voice softer.
You sighed and looked in the distance, avoiding his gaze.
âItâs the tradition. On the 4th of July, you come to my place to help me pack everything, we take my car to pick up Eddie and Robin on the way to the lake, we meet Nance and Jonathan there, then, you and Eddie set the barbecue while Jonathan and I take care of the music, and Nance and Robin lay the blankets to make us cozy. And we eat and drink until they shoot the fireworks from downtown â itâs how the day is supposed to go.â
âRight, and itâs how itâs going to go today,â Steve assured, confused.
âNo, itâs not. Rob and Eddie are not there this year, and because of Gina, weâre late and missing out on the sunset.â You paused, taking a breath. âItâs what I look forward to the most. Watching the sunset on the lake with you guys. All of you.â
Steve relaxed his shoulders and breathed out like he finally made sense of the underlying problem. He stepped closer to you and his hand cupped your face, willing you to look him in the eyes.
âOkay, Iâm going to take a wild guess and assume it has something to do with Nancy and Jonathan talking about moving to Chicago next year for Nancyâs job,â Steve said. âAm I boiling or getting colder?â
The rhetorical question elicited a weak smile on your lips.
âI know Chicagoâs not that far from Hawkins, but⌠I like the way things are right now, you know?â you explained while Steve listened, nodding. âI like that we can hang out whenever we want to, show up unannounced at each otherâs place, and whatnot.â
âYou can still do that if they move to Chicago. Itâll just take you more than three hours to get there,â he teased you.
Steve did it â he made you laugh. âIâm not so sure Gina would survive the trip.â
âIâll let you borrow my car, then,â Steve whispered, and even though you were bantering, it sounded like a promise.
You chuckled, the knot in your stomach coming undone as Steve put his thumb to your forehead, stroking where you had wiped the oil stain earlier.
âYou look like shit,â he told you unceremoniously.
âAnd youâre a shitty friend,â you bit back, making you both smile.
Friend. The denomination never felt strong enough to define what you and Steve meant to one another. Yet, it was the only one you used, the only one that brought you comfort, especially in those blurry moments that kept you wondering why that boy had always been so sweet and kind to you, even when you felt undeserving.
You jumped at the sound of a car honking from the street, bringing you back to reality as you and Steve turned your heads to see what happened. You felt amused, and somehow relieved when you saw Nancy popping her head out the passenger window of Jonathanâs car like a beautifully staged interruption.
âOh my God, you guys are late too?â Nancy shouted at them. âI told Jonathan to go over the speed limit, and as you can imagine, he was not happy about it.â
Steve laughed, and you followed suit because it was almost ridiculous, how perfect the situation had turned out. Sure, things felt different this year, with winds of change impending, and the future of your friend group unclear. But at least, you were all on the same page.
âWhile weâre here, get in the car with us!â Nancy offered, gesturing for you to come closer. âMaybe we can still catch the sunset.â
You exchanged an amused look with Steve, silently agreeing that your uncooperative car and your latest conversation would remain a secret youâd share only between you. Your friends didnât need to know the reason why you were late.
So, you and Steve hurried to put everything in Jonathanâs car, climbed in the backseat, and made it to the lake just in time to admire the remnant of sunset and put everything into place to wait for the fireworks.
And as you put a blanket over your and Nancyâs shoulders, the fire crackling in the quiet of the evening around you, you couldnât help but search for Steveâs eyes. He was already looking at you, sitting across the fire next to Jonathan. You smiled when you realized, and he winked at you, playful, secretive.
Maybe you were lying to yourself, in the end. Maybe you didnât mean it when you said you liked things the way they were. Maybe there was one thing you wouldnât mind changing, you thought as you looked away from Steve to look up at the fireworks now erupting in the sky above.
đđđ
âIâm not sure I get it, Robin â who are you dressed as?â
âAre you seriously asking me that question, Nance? Marty McFly? Donât tell me you still havenât watched Back to the Future!â
âI didnât have time.â
âIn five years, you didnât have time to watch a two-hour movie?â
âI work a lot, okay?!â
You were only half-listening to Robin and Nancyâs bickering as you finished getting ready for the Halloween party that your high school classmate Tina and her best friend Vicki Carmichael threw every year.
Usually, on the 31st of October, you would just crash at Steve and Eddieâs former apartment with the group, stuffing your face with popcorn and watching horror movies. But this year, the boys didnât live at that apartment anymore and it was the last Halloween youâd all spend together in Hawkins before Jonathan and Nancy moved to Chicago next January. You all agreed it called for a memorable celebration, hence why you were now getting ready with the girls at your place.
âSo, you mean to tell me you havenât had time to watch Back to the Future, but you had it to watch all three Star Wars movies, judging on your costume?â Robin asked while Nancy grunted in frustration.
âI told you last week, me and Jonathan are wearing coupleâs costumes â heâs Han Solo and Iâm Princess Leia, obviously,â she explained while pointing at her long white dress and peculiar hairstyle.
âCoupleâs costumes,â Robin repeated. âKids these days, theyâre just talking nonsense.â
âItâs romantic and fun, youâre just jealous you didnât think about it for you and Vickie,â Nancy retorted as you were starting to think you were in the middle of playground taunts.
âOh yeah, I shouldâve asked Vickie to dress as Doc, it wouldâve been crazy romantic,â Robin sassed.
Once the heels were at your feet, you turned around on your chair to stare at your friends.
âYou two realize how stupid your fight is, right?â you chipped in.
âWeâre not fighting,â Robin and Nancy said in unison.
You rolled your eyes and turned back around to face your vanity and finish your makeup, but it was too late â you had involuntarily drawn the attention to you.
âAnd who are you dressing as, hot stuff?â Nancy cooed while smirking at your reflection in the mirror.
You hummed the Dirty Dancing theme song to answer her question, and she nodded approvingly, taking in your pink dress and silver heels.
âI love it,â Nancy smiled.
âThanks,â you said as you stood up. âAnd you two look equally great, so stop biting each otherâs heads off.â
âSo, if youâre Jennifer Grey, does it mean Steveâs dressing as Patrick Swayze? I could see him pulling that off.â
Robinâs question took you aback for it came out of nowhere. You gaped at her, face warm and thoughts racing.
âHmm, no, heâs not. Thatâd⌠be a great coupleâs costume, for sure. But weâre not a couple, soâŚâ you stammered, awfully self-conscious.
âWell, yeah, but you might as well be.â
âRobin,â Nancy reprimanded her with warning eyes.
âWhat??â Robin exclaimed while you watched, confused. âItâs not like she doesnât know what I mean, itâs been going on for years, this⌠whatever this is. And honestly, weâre all tired of pretending like we canât see it.â
Nancy blushed, embarrassment written all over her face as she rubbed a hand over it.
âI donât⌠understand,â you admitted, tugging at the hems of your dress to anchor yourself in the moment.
âThereâs nothing to understand, babes,â Nancy said softly. âRobin was just joking. Right, Rob?â
Nancy was now glaring at Robin, who had no option but to concur. It felt like you were missing something there, and you didnât like it. Were your friends talking behind your back? Were they annoyed at your relationship with Steve? Annoyed at the ambiguity, the unsaid, the attraction? Was it all that obvious as of late?
âIâm sorry, guys,â Robin said with a sigh. âI had a fight with Vickie earlier today and it messed me up a little bit.â
âOh, babes,â Nancy softened, hugging Robin from the side.
âI know thatâs no excuse for being a jerk,â Robin winced in your direction.
âYouâre all right,â you said with a sympathetic smile, and both Robin and Nancy seemed relieved.
The three of you talked Robin through her problem until it was time to meet the guys outside. Nancy was the first to exit the apartment, but Robin lingered by the front door, hand hovering hesitantly above the handle. Eventually, she made up her mind and turned over to face you.
âI just want you to know that Iâm really sorry for earlier,â Robin told you.
âItâs okay, Rob, I get it. You were upset about your fight with Vickie and said stuff you didnât mean. Itâs fine, it happens to all of us,â you said, wondering why Robin had felt the need to bounce back on that.
âNo, but see, thatâs the thing â I did mean it,â she contradicted. âI just didnât say it like I shouldâve.â
âAnd how should you say it?â you asked with a frown.
Robin looked uncertain now, fidgeting where she stood. You imagined that if Nancy were still in the room with you two, sheâd probably give Robin an earful.
âWhen I said that weâre all tired of pretending like we canât see what there is between you and Steve, I didnât mean that in a bad way,â she elaborated under your undivided attention. âItâs just⌠Weâre your friends, and you know, as friends, we want whatâs best for each other, Iâm sure you feel that way about us too ââ
âRobin, cut to the chase, please,â you interjected before she could lose herself in her explanation.
âWe just think if you two admitted what youâre both obviously feeling for each other⌠You could be very happy together. And the rest of us would be too because damn, weâve watched it happen since high school and itâs about time one of you does something about it, babes.â
You stared at the door behind Robin, wishing to run away from this conversation that was too much for you to handle. It was the first time one of your friends confronted you on the matter, upfront, and you had no idea how to react.
âIâm not expecting you to say anything, donât worry,â Robin added. âI just wanted you to know what everyone else is thinking. Do what you want with that information.â
You opened your mouth to respond but you heard the distinctive sound of Eddieâs van parking on the street, your sign that it was time to go and end this conversation for good. You rushed to the door, opening it before Robin could and hurtling down the stairs to some extent on your heels. Once you were outside, you breathed in slowly, calming down and processing what one of your best friends had just confided to you.
You and Robin met Nancy on the curb as Eddie slid the vanâs side door open to let you in the backseats.
âEvening, ladies,â Eddie greeted.
âWow, youâre Elton!â Nancy exclaimed after studying Eddieâs costume, a white ensemble with feathers and glitter that was the singerâs signature.
âYou could get that but not mine?!â Robin exclaimed, almost offended.
âMove on, Rob, and letâs have fun tonight,â Nancy teased her while sitting near Jonathan, dressed in the easily identifiable Han Solo outfit.
Robin took the passenger seat next to Eddie, leaving you with no choice but to sit next to Steve at the back of the van. Of course. Almost like it had been on purpose, you thought to yourself.
You settled next to him and you were almost insecure, something youâd never felt around him. You resented Robin for not knowing best, and not keeping her mouth shut.
âHey, kitten,â Steve welcomed you as you smoothed the edges of your dress.
âHey, Harrington,â you said in return, attempting to smile at him.
You studied his costume as he studied yours. Aviator sunglasses on his head, green jumpsuit, sleeves rolled back under his elbows â Maverick from Top Gun. You'd gushed over the character when the movie came out, and you wondered if it happened to be a funny coincidence or if Steve had picked that costume on purpose.
âBaby,â Steve suddenly said.
âWhat?â you choked out with widened eyes.
Steve frowned. âYour costume,â he clarified. âBaby from Dirty Dancing, right?â
You processed the information and chuckled awkwardly, feeling stupid. You let Robin get in your head and you hated it.
âRight,â you breathed out as Eddie drove away.
Something passed in Steveâs eyes, and you were not sure what it was. Hesitation, desire, resignation⌠You watched and waited, fingers laced on your lap, heartbeat echoing in your ears.
âYou look⌠very nice,â Steve told you in a hushed voice.
You knew neither Nancy nor Jonathan couldâve heard it â they were engaged in a vivid conversation with Robin and Eddie in the front of the car. It was an intimate declaration, meant for you and you only.
Your lips parted subtly, but Steveâs eyes caught it regardless. It did not soothe the rate of your beating heart.
âThanks,â you croaked it, throat tight. âYouâre not too bad yourself."
Steve smiled briefly, then did the strangest thing. He leaned in, his face awfully close to yours, and you thought; this was it. He was going to kiss you. Right then, right there, in the back of Eddieâs van dressed as the guy from Top Gun on the way to a Halloween party.
And as much as you wanted him to kiss you, it wasnât how you wanted him to do it. Not the place, not the time. Maybe Steve realized it too because he moved away as quickly as he had gotten closer to you, clearing his throat and watching out the window like nothing happened.
The party at Tinaâs villa was loud, messy, and packed with former classmates â some you were glad to run into, others you made a strong case of avoiding. You had a nice chat with your high school sweetheart, even though you could feel Steveâs eyes on you the whole time. When you couldnât bear the weight of his yearning gaze, you took a sip of that rum punch Vicki Carmichael had made â a few times.
You fled to the bathroom around eleven to freshen up and have some alone time. You were reasonably drunk, but still conscious enough to notice someone was already in the room when you barged into it.
âOh, so sorry, I didnât know someone was in there ââ
You cut the apology short when you recognized the personâs reflection staring at you in the mirror.
âBecky, hi,â you said, surprised.
The girl greeted you back, the sound of your name imperceptible amid the party people shouting in the hallway. Now, you were reasonably drunk and very uncomfortable.
Becky was the last girl Steve had dated. They had been together for two years and seemed happy until Becky broke up with Steve overnight. Everyone assumed sheâd probably met someone else, but you always felt like that was too simple and there was another more plausible explanation.
âYou okay?â Becky asked you.
âY â yeah, I just needed to cool off,â you mumbled.
You assumed Becky would urge you to clear off and leave her be, but instead, she stepped aside to give you some space in front of the sink.
You closed the door behind you and stood in front of the mirror, silently watching Becky perfect the mascara on her lashes. You quickly gathered she was dressed as Madonna in the Material Girl music video.
âItâs⌠been a while,â you said to break that awful silence. âWhat are you up to these days?â
âSmall talk, huh? I thought we were way past that.â
You chuckled, ill at ease and too drunk to have a proper conversation. Out of all the girls Steve had dated, Becky was the one who unsettled you the most. You never knew what to expect of her.
âHowâs Stevie?â Becky then asked before reapplying some lipstick.
Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was Becky's inquiry, but something turned your stomach. You always hated it when she called Steve that name. It reminded you of a jealous version of yourself youâd rather leave in the past.
âHeâs good,â you said casually, no matter your inner turmoil. âYou know. Same old, same old.â
Beckyâs lips turned into the semblance of a smile.
âI take it you two still arenât together.â
You felt your heart drop at that comment. What did she mean, âstillâ? And what was up with everyone and their insights regarding your relationship with Steve?
âIt sounded a lot less petty in my head, I promise,â Becky said when you stayed silent.
âItâs not that,â you replied. âIâm just⌠surprised you would say that.â
Becky sighed and turned around to face you. It looked like she was about to get a lot of things off her chest, and you were not sober enough for that.
âYou know why I broke up with Steve?â Becky asked you, and she obviously wasnât waiting for an answer. âWhy all the girls he dates eventually break things off with him?â
You blinked. You didnât want Steveâs ex-girlfriend to share that information with you. You had absolutely no desire to detain such knowledge. Yet, you shook your head, permitting Becky to say what she really thought, too curious to pretend you didnât care.
âBecause itâs painfully obvious heâs in love with you and weâre just here passing time until he finally has the balls to tell you.â
In love. You had thought about it all with Steve â he thinks Iâm pretty; heâs attracted to me; he likes me more than a friend. But never in your wildest dreams had you dared fantasize about these powerful little words.
Heâs in love with you, Beckyâs voice repeated like a broken record on a loop in your mind. Taunting, hopeful, too good to be true.
You found yourself sitting on the bathtubâs edge, both arms at your side, speechless. Becky leaned against the wall across from you and chuckled like she'd just shared the funniest story.
âDonât tell me this is shocking news.â
âIâŚâ you started without finishing your thought. You were at a loss for words and your head started spinning, the fateful sentence seeping into your mind faster than the liquor in your system.
âLook, obviously, it wasnât my place to tell, but you know, despite everything, I always liked you,â Becky confessed. âYou were always nice to me, even though I could tell it was not easy for you.â
You lowered your eyes, apologetic. It was true â you had always been nice to Becky. After all, it wasnât the girlâs fault if you had feelings youâd never dare confess to your best friend.
âThatâs why Iâm telling you,â Becky resumed. âIâm trying to help you two out. This whole faint-hearted act was probably cute when you were sixteen, but youâre adults now. Are you waiting for him to get married and start a family with someone else to tell him how you feel?â
The mere thought made your heart ache. You didnât want to picture Steve married to someone else. It made you nauseous.
âSorry, that was harsh,â Becky apologized.
âWhy are you doing this?â you asked her in a whisper, feeling like your head was about to explode. âWhy are you telling this to me and not him?â
Becky stared at you like youâd just said the most nonsensical thing.
âBecause heâs an idiot and a coward. If youâre waiting for him to make a move, youâll wait a long time, honey.â
You spaced out for a moment, and when you returned to your senses, Becky was gone, leaving you alone with your spiraling thoughts in that bathroom.
Becky was right. Steve was an idiot and a coward. The inebriation clouded all your good judgments, so you got to your feet and walked out of the bathroom to look for Steve. After everything that happened tonight, you were confused, upset, and even angry.
You found him outside by the pool, joking around with some guys from his old swim team in high school. You marched to him, bold and determined, and he didnât notice you right away, so you hooked your fingers to the fabric around his arm and dragged him behind you. You ignored the guys whistling at you both or Steve protesting and asking what had gotten into you until you walked into an empty room on the side of the villa and closed the patio door behind you.
âOkay, what the hell was that about??â Steve exclaimed, his voice loud in the quiet of the room, away from the party noises and the music. âHave you lost your shit??â
âYouâre an idiot,â you told him in an accusing tone.
âTell me about it,â Steve sassed you.
âAnd a coward!â
âOh, so you have a whole list, huh?â
âThatâs what Becky said.â
Steve looked at you in silence, processing what you just said.
âOf course, you talked to BeckyâŚ.â he sighed. âLet me guess â she said I stole her INXS tape? She needs to let it go, she clearly lost it, she canât keep blaming me for ââ
âI donât want you to get married, Steve,â you interrupted him, blurting out what you had been obsessing about for the last ten minutes.
Steve froze and looked at you like you were insane. And you might just be, you realized. You took a step back, dizzy and embarrassed.
âI⌠was not planning on getting married any time soon. Where is that coming from?â Steve asked you, stepping toward you.
You bit your tongue, holding from saying another stupidity youâd immediately regret. Suddenly, your choice to confront Steve and isolate yourselves in a bedroom didnât look like the brilliant plan it seemed to be five minutes ago.
âForget it, Iâm drunk, and I donât know what Iâm saying,â you stammered, head low as you walked toward the door.
âHey,â Steve brought you short by taking your hand before you had the chance to leave. His touch was tender, your hand fit perfectly in his, and you understood what Becky meant when she said "still not together".
âTalk to me,â Steve urged, lacing his fingers with yours. It was unbearable, how natural it felt. âYou used to tell me everything, and now, I have no idea whatâs up with you anymore.â
You swallowed the lump in your throat, wishing you could go back in time and stop yourself from putting the two of you in this awful situation.
âCome on, kitten, weâre friends, you can tell me anything.â
Friends. You loathed the word that normally comforted you. You couldnât stand to hear it.
Heâs in love with you. How could he say you were friends when he was the one you called first when your car broke down, when heâd snuck out of college to comfort you after you got dumped by your ex-boyfriend, when he drove you across the country to see your sick grandfather for the last time? How did he have the audacity to minimize what you meant to each other after taking such a significant place in your heart for years and years?
âWeâre not friends,â you mumbled.
You looked at him and thought you could see heartbreak in his eyes. Youâd hurt him. Youâd hurt him badly.
âWeâre not?â he asked, his voice breaking in the inflection.
You held your breath as Steve questioned you with glistening eyes. He didnât understand what you were trying to tell him, and it was killing you.
âYou know what I mean,â you breathed out, unable to say the actual words.
Heâs in love with you. It was so simple. Why couldnât he just admit it?
Youâre in love with him too, why canât you say it? Â you admitted to yourself.
Because no, it wasnât that simple. Steve wasnât the only coward in this situation. After all these years, it was so scary to admit, even more to say out loud. How could you expect him to say it when you were terrified of doing it yourself?
Eventually, Steve let go of your hand, an almost insignificant gesture that shattered your heart into a million pieces.
âActually⌠No. I donât know what you mean,â he said, defeated, before leaving the room.
You did it. You ruined everything, you thought as you sat on the floor and cried your heartbreak away.
đđđ
It was supposed to be the merriest day of the year, with children's laughter filling the air and countless presents to unwrap. Yet, your heart was not in it, and you had to hold back tears during dinner that night at your parentsâ house.
You hadnât talked to or heard from Steve in almost two months, and it was officially the longest youâd spent without seeing each other. The thought was excruciating. He was your best friend in the entire world, you were head over heels in love with him, and the absence of him was like gasping for air on the verge of drowning.
But today was a merry day. Today was all about spending time together, eating a nice homemade meal, and reuniting. So, you played the part â you ate dinner, played board games with your cousins, and chatted with your uncles and aunts. You did what you were expected to do, and nothing more.
When you returned to your place, to your sad and lonely apartment, you sat down on the floor, still in your red party dress, back to your couch with a glass of wine, and flipped through a photo album Nancy and Jonathan had given you for your twenty-fifth birthday.
It was a recollection of happy times Jonathan had captured with his camera throughout the years â from graduating high school to renting your first crappy apartment, taking your first trip to New York with the group, and celebrating various occasions with them.
You took the last photo from the album, holding it between your fingers to get a closer look. It was a picture of you and Steve on New Yearâs Eve the year before. You were posing for the camera, smiling from ear to ear. You were looking at the lens, but Steve only had eyes for you, holding you in his arms with rosy cheeks. When you looked at it like that, in retrospect and from anotherâs perspective, it seemed so evident that the guy in the picture loved the girl posing next to him.
You were fully crying now, blurry eyes and stuffy nose in contradiction with the holiday spirit. You were about to put the picture away in the album when something in the back of it caught your eye.
There was a note in the handwriting you would recognize anywhere at any given time â Steveâs. Your heart skipped a beat. It had gone unnoticed the first time youâd looked through the album at your birthday party and none of your friends had mentioned a thing about it. You started to look at a handful of pictures to see if others had something hidden on the other side, but they were all blank. All except for one.
You took a deep breath, pondering. Maybe Nancy and Jonathan were unaware of it, but Steve not saying anything didnât make sense. This note had been there, forgotten in an album gathering dust in your bookcase, for months, and it couldâve gone on for years had you not felt nostalgic on that specific day.
You wondered if you should read it or pretend youâd never seen it. It was only a few words; they were probably some meaningless inside jokes or more personal birthday wishes. But they could also be something more, much more.
You knew you couldnât live with the uncertainty, so you gathered your courage and read.
Happy birthday, kitten! Donât know if youâll ever see this, but I want you to know youâre my favorite person in the entire world, and I love you. Yours always, Steve PS: stop being a sourpuss just âcause you turned 25
It had been there. Right there, under your nose, all along. Yours always.
Before you could think it through, your coat was around your shoulders and you were behind the wheel, ready to drive to Steveâs place and tell him how you felt. Screw the stability and the uncertainty â you loved the boy too and you needed to tell him tonight.
It was past midnight, the air was cold and the streetlights reflected in the puddles on the pavement as you drove a little too fast toward Steveâs building. Your heart was racing in your chest, anticipation mingling with excitement while you rehearsed what youâd say in your head.
You were going to confess your true feelings to Steve. Nothing could scare you anymore.
Except, perhaps, the ominous sputtering sound your car made when you tried to restart at a traffic light.
âNo, no, no, no, no, come on, not now!!â you begged desperately.
The ignition wouldnât turn over, and you couldâve screamed at the sky. Was it some sort of cosmic sign preventing you from making the biggest mistake of your life?
You got out of the car to check the engine under the hood. When you opened it, it did something itâd never done before â it gave off fumes.
You coughed violently as you stepped away from the car, looking all around you and realizing you were alone on the street in the middle of the night with a kaput car and wasted opportunities.
âThis is a nightmare,â you told yourself out loud. âThis canât be happening to me.â
Your eyes burned as you were about to cry again, disheartened and pathetic. Then, some headlights on the other side of the road caught your attention.
A maroon car stopped next to you and turned the ignition off. You held your breath, recognizing the vehicle instantly and wondering if the universe wouldnât happen to be messing with you.
The driver exited the car and eyed yours up and down before chuckling.
âI had a feeling Gina wouldnât make it through the year,â he said.
You laughed, the sound choked up in your throat at the improbability of the situation. You couldnât believe Steve was there, rescuing you even without meaning to, always being there when you needed him to, the constant one in your life. As luck would have it, you thought.
âWhat are you doing here this late at night?â you asked him.
âCould ask you the same thing,â he remarked with a smile.
You returned his smile, nervously fixing your hair. The wind was rising, and the air was filled with change and expectations.
âI was⌠on my way to your place, actually,â you explained, somehow shyly. âI wanted to talk to you.â
A few seconds passed until Steve spoke again like he was processing the information. âThatâs funny, I was on my way to your place too.â
You swallowed, unable to stop hoping. âYou were?â
âYeah⌠Of course, I was,â Steve shrugged. âI couldnât sleep, and I realized I never got a chance to give you your present because we weren't speaking to each other, so⌠Anyways, I can just give it to you now.â
âWeâre literally in the middle of the road, Steve.â
He looked around at the empty and silent street for good measure. âYeah, and itâs not like itâs rush hour right now, I think weâre good.â
You opened your mouth to retort but opted against saying anything else. It was your first interaction with him in weeks, it was out of the question to ruin it just to have the last word.
The young man got something from the backseat of his car and immediately handed it to you. You took it carefully, turning it over in your hand to try and figure out what was beneath the wrapping paper.
âI⌠donât have your gift,â you admitted, crestfallen. âI mean, I did get you something, but I didnât think to give it to you tonight.â
âItâs okay, kitten. Just open it.â
You complied, slowly unwrapping the paper with trembling fingers and shortness of breath as Steve observed quietly.
You were now looking at a bookâs front cover, and it mightâve seemed unremarkable at first glance, but it was not some common paperback.
âFirst limited edition,â Steve explained, even though you already knew. âYou talked about it at Eddieâs place a couple of months ago, that it was almost impossible to find today, and youâd love to have it. So, I went to every bookstore in town to ask if they knew where to get it, and one of them gave me their counterpart's number from England, they had to send it all the way here but⌠Yeah,â Steve concluded, face red and hands in his pocket. âI found it.â
You looked up from the book to lock eyes with Steve. He seemed expectant and abashed, almost anxious of your reaction.
âYou went to all this trouble for me?â you asked in disbelief.
He pursed his lips and nodded as if it was that obvious.
âYouâre well worth the trouble.â
All this time, you had expected blatant signs, big gestures, and declarations, when Steve had been telling you how he felt in his own way for years. It had always been there â in fleeting touches, longing stares, and understated actions.
âI read it,â you eventually confessed.
"The book?" Steve asked, puzzled.
âNo," you laughed. "The note you wrote in my photo album. I read it tonight.â
You noticed the way Steve held his breath at that revelation. Suddenly, you no longer cared that you were standing in the middle of the road with your dead car by your side. Suddenly, all that mattered was the pretty boy standing before you and what you felt for him.
âIt was corny, right?â Steve said with a nervous laugh. âI know you donât like it when itâs corny but ââ
âCanât you just be serious for one minute, Harrington?â you cut him short with an amused eye roll. âIâm trying to tell you how I feel here.â
âI know,â Steve breathed out. âIâve been trying to tell you how I feel for months now, but I never find the right words.â
In the elation of the moment, your words got a mind of their own, and you heard yourself saying: âShow me, then.â
Friends. A designation you held onto for the past eight years, a status that put things into perspective whenever Steve introduced a new girlfriend to the group, a word that freed you of your guilt when getting into relationships yourself, a term that helped you when you would yearn for something more, something you thought to be unrealistic and unreachable.
That word no longer held any power over you now that you were in Steve Harringtonâs arms and he leaned in to seal his lips with yours into a long-awaited and overdue kiss, the promise of a cherished and beautiful future.
You'd envisioned the scene time and time again in your mind, but none of the imaginary scenarios your fantasies created could measure up to that kiss. It was sweet, yet demanding, like you were the air he needed to breathe. He kissed you like he loved - sincerely, tenderly, and intensely. You smiled against his mouth, and your heart melted when he did it too.
When you parted from him, lips swollen and eyelashes fluttering, you felt like everything was finally right and mourned the time you wasted being scared of changes.
âSo⌠What now?â you whispered, getting a strand of hair out of Steveâs face to look at him better.
The boy held your gaze, enamored and enraptured like youâd never seen him before. You enjoyed it while it lasted because it was a momentary bliss until reality caught up.
âWell, first, weâre going to call a tow truck," Steve said as he entwined his fingers with yours. "And then, youâll bid farewell to Gina,â he nodded toward the car.
Your heart tightened in your chest. Youâd almost forgotten about your car. It was truly ironic, how you needed to say goodbye to your oldest partner while embracing a new beginning with your best friend.
âCan it wait until tomorrow?â you asked while batting your lashes at him.
âHey, just because weâre going to make out a lot from now on doesnât mean you get to do that,â Steve jokingly scolded you while gesturing at your face.
âDo what?â you asked, coy and amused.
Steve laughed and put his arm around your shoulders. âCome on, kitten, Iâm taking you home.â
At first, it didnât feel like much had changed between you and Steve. You were still teasing each other, spending time with the group before Nancy and Jonathanâs departure, and arguing about what car you should buy now that Gina was in a junkyard.
But things had changed for the better, and you realized it on New Yearâs Eve when Steve kissed you at midnight, as he would for many new years to come.
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#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington fic#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington x fem!reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington oneshot#stranger things#stranger things fic#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington fluff
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the hand that feeds you
â âi take care of her, sâall.â
johnny mactavish x f!reader
cw: 18+ work - minors dni; age difference; daddy issues (kinda the central plot); cooking as a love language; slow burn but in high speed; a breath of angst; power imbalance; canon divergence - regular/non-military life au // amazing divider by @gildui! // 6.5k words
extra notes: this is a very self-indulgent work. there are holes in the plot, 100%, so ignore those holes pretty pls </3 also ik this is more of a captain johnny-verse but midway through, i started projecting so i mightâve written him incorrectly and im really sorry for that!!
being roommates with johnny is not as weird as it is; heâs amicable, at first, then full blown nice when days passed. heâs not loud, per se, but thereâs always a constant chatter streaming from his space, like he physically canât sit still through the silence which is great because you donât fare any better with the stillness too, so reminiscent of how it was in the suburbs.
you moved to a neighbourhood just skirting past the inner city just because itâs a lot cheaper. but even then, rent was always high and your little box in a rundown complex wasnât going to sustain you forever even if you wished it would. then, an opening in johnnyâs townhouse was posted, almost half-price than whatever is up in the market, and itâs great despite your skepticism. hell, itâs more than great â itâs lifesaving.
your shitty job at the bookstore really canât cover much of your expenses anymore, and sure student loans and the grant is great, but the growing debt makes you wince so itâs whatever at this point. youâre about to graduate soon anyway, pooling work experience from volunteering and club organizations, and itâs not like you can even go back to how it was.
(underway to law school, primed up before your fatherâs scrutiny but the burnout got to you before you could even write the LNAT. you realized that being a barrister wasnât really what you wanted so you changed programs, midway, and switched to childrenâs education.
god, the disappointment in your paâs eyes was so big, you knew to pack your shit before he could even kick you out.)
itâs⌠tough.
god, is it tough. none of your old friends and colleagues could stay in contact, which you donât hold against them because most of them, by now, have graduated and entered law school. youâre straggling about two years back because of the switch in programs, and everythingâs gone too tight. your budget. your social life.
your dating life.
johnny often distracts you from it all â he works in downtown, in one of those high-rise buildings often reserved for limiteds or holding companies, and has to travel off the city every three months. he makes good money, he said jovially, and you know itâs a nudge as to why your portion of the rent is cheap in the first place.
when you finally bit the bullet and asked why he put up one of the rooms in the market, johnny just shrugged and said he needed someone to house sit but sort off permanently. said something like last time he left, the pipes bursted and he couldnât really fly back to help with the repairs.
itâs great being with him. heâs bright and bubbly, but also dependable in ways you never really thought about. likeâ
well, itâs all mundane things so listing them feels embarrassing, and it makes you feel as though youâre a touch-starved damsel and johnny just so happened to be the next older man to give you any attention and his time. but you canât help it. god, you canât help preen at the way he exists beside you.
heâs just so⌠beautiful, is what it is.
rugged and charming and loud and filling. the townhouse is too big for the two of you, but johnny makes it work. makes it feel like the two of you just fit into each otherâs spaces.
early mornings are spent with him lilting between english and scottish, his exhaustion plastered onto him even after heâs downed two cups of coffee. he bumps his hip onto yours when he ambles out to prepare for his work, grumbling something like good morning and howâre you. afternoons are more lively and productive; itâs of you coming back from campus at six in the evening only to find him in the kitchen, fixing up dinner. itâs always something fancy and rich in flavour; something he always eats with wine on the side.
you, uh, you never thought he could actually cook, let alone feed himself well, but there he was, always a plate ready for you too like itâs expected that youâll eat dinner with him. like spending time with him was just natural â the sky is blue, the oceanâs deep, and you and johnny fall into each other like there is an invisible string pulling you close to him.
itâs a beautiful change of pace, and there are more days now when you can breathe in a little easier, and you know itâs all because of johnny. itâs all him who pulled you out of your slump and out of that darkness and gave you the room, literally, to grow.
heâs beautiful, but youâve said that already, havenât you? heâs just⌠so good to be with.
then, johnny began picking up and bringing some home.
.
the first time it happened was shocking, really.
you had an early morning, something thatâs so murky now in your memories so youâre unsure if it was anything uni related or work related, just that it was five in the morning and you were clambering downstairs as quietly as you could. you rounded the length of the hallway from the platform to the kitchen when you ran into someone.
âsteady,â sheâd said, voice hoarse and loud in her shock too.
you yelled, jumping, arms swinging because was there an intruder, and it took johnny physically subduing you for you to calm down. looking back now, you burn in embarrassment, but then you had been so worried, your body wound up so tightly in your fear.
âshh,â johnny had murmured with that wry grin. âsâjust me, lass.â
your eyes danced between him and the brunette â pretty even in her rumpled shirt, with long legs and a small waist â trying to understand what was going on. you are sure johnny had told you before that he wasnât seeing anyone so whoâ
âyour girlfriend?â she asked johnny, turning to him with her lips pursed and her brow cocked up.
the question settled in your stomach, doing wonders to your already-fragile psyche. youâd just spent hours thinking about johnny and what he meant to you; what living with him meant. how it eased up something carved within the trenches of your being, like youâd always been waiting for someone like him.
the question was a reminder, like prickling you with icicles, leaving you to navigate the swoop. but johnny had laughed, nothing mean but so dismissive that you felt the curl of shame brandishing from the base of your spine like johnny was laughing at you.
âoh, nah,â he replied, arm still slung over your shoulders. âsheâs sorta my ward, yes? i take care of her, sâall.â
thatâs all. youâre nothing more to him but a ward. a tenant. not even a friendâ
she hummed, then leaned over to kiss johnny, her eyes still drawn to you like sheâs watching, waiting for a reaction, and when she got none, she trudged to the door. you and johnny watched as she bent down to slip in her shoes, some stilettos with red bottoms, before wordlessly disappearing into the darkened morning.
âpretty,â you chirped, trying to break the tension of whatever that was.
johnny laughed in that way that surely crinkled his eyes, only to steer the conversation away by asking why you were up early. you remembered what you had to do and you dived to the kitchen in a flurry, chatting about the deadlines and due dates â so it was a school thing â and johnny just watched, silent, humming, eyes still curved in his glee.
you left no sooner than his⌠paramour did and, for a while, that was that.
but your semester is coming to a close and your schedule is changing, but so is johnnyâs. heâs coming home later and later, but always seemed to offer apologies in the form of easy-to-microwave meals for your dinner. theyâre still homemade, probably cooked up in the morning before he left for work, and youâd messaged him to say that he didnât need to worry about you. that, sure, you came to him amidst financial struggle, juggling work and school, and trying to decide if you would have to starve this month because of rent, but you can cook. for yourself and for him too.
johnnyâs face did a terrible thing when you mentioned that in person, the first in a while after things got hectic.
âwhat,â you bit out, embarrassed.
ânothing,â he said, blinking like he was realizing things he shouldnât. âsâfun doing things fâr you.â
then he clamped up, spooning soup into his mouth, some of it messily dribbling into his chin. itâs not like you were doing any better, with how your throat closed up at his words, eyes going wide.
itâs been a thing, is what it is, but neither of you two have ever acknowledged that itâs a thing. itâs been a wordless experience â of johnny taking over things when it comes to the house because of course he will, itâs his home, but he always covers things for you too. things youâre sure normal landlords donât really worry about, but not johnny.
thereâs always extra food in the kitchen, extra blankets when the weather dips. thereâs even a new cooling machine for the summer even though you know johnnyâs room already has an installed air conditioning. heâs even changed the seats in the dining room because he caught you once hitting your hip after an all-nighter on a project.
then, he refurbished the den to make it your office.
âyou didnât have to,â you told him, mind racing at your savings, wondering if he was going to increase your rent.
johnny just shook his head with an almost fond roll of his eyes and clapped your back, arm hovering there. âsâall yers, hen.â
everything he did always accounted for you. so why the women?
theyâre all long limbed and trimmed waist, with eyes that sparkled even when all youâve seen of them is always within the poorly-lit hallway. they have voices that curl teasingly, breathy like theyâre enticing johnny for one more night. and theyâve always, always, treated you like aâ
like a kid.
a burden, almost, of johnnyâs.
and, hell, maybe you are. johnnyâs almost twice your age; heâs also already well-established in his career, some senior position that you canât really follow but one he talks about with fondness. heâs got land rover-money, the car in his garage big and black and almost military grade, and it looks so expensive especially beside the crappy civic you were able to snag for a cheap price because itâs got about three-hundred-thousand mileage already.
youâve got nothing to give him, other than the lousy rent payment that he doesnât even really need but is just asking for courtesy because itâd be so weird for him to offer a room, or two now given you have the den too, for free. youâve got nothing on your name, and if it isnât pity that makes johnny care for you, then you donât know what.
maybe his string of one-night stands are right â you are just a kid.
that maybe you really are still too wet behind the ears for the real world that you go running to the next person that could protect you from it, stumbling into his life and licking up every drop of his attention, mistaking his kindness for devotion. his care for love.
.
you should have known, then, that the thoughts would ripple, leaving you to feel like the days are unnavigable. obsession quickly took root, growing fangs, and it ensnared you; a vice noose at what had been a pleasant coexistence.
hell, you can barely stand being with johnny because of the jealousy. itâs a shameful thing, but a part of you thinks you deserve johnny more than the others do.
you tell yourself that nobody knows about johnnyâs nightmares and the horrors that spill from his lips when itâs twelve in the morning and the two of you have hit the bourbon. you tell yourself that nobody knows about johnnyâs aversion to the windows in the living room; that the reason why the curtains are a deep green is not to match the new plants heâs allowed you to fill up his home but because they shroud the panels more than the cream ones had. you tell yourself that nobody knows that johnny can sing; that he can cook a mean tomahawk; that he likes reading; that his wrists were hurting so heâs currently scheduled for a surgery; that heâs soft to you.
the women donât know this johnny, you tell yourself, nails clawing at the hems of your chest. they donât know him the way i do.
itâs a pathetic whisper. itâs so laughable. so juvenile.
theyâre right. theyâre right.
(youâre just aâ)
âi donât see you anymore,â johnny murmured one morning, when things have gone quiet again, a cup of coffee sitting on the counter while he watches you throw orange peels into the garburator.
he just got back from a work trip in aberdeen, his exhaustion loud on his face. his hair is overgrown, the bottom ends of his mohawk curling along his nape. he was there for over three weeks, skirting almost close to a month â the longest heâs ever been away â and you had tried so hard not to message. not to drop casual check-ins because youâre sure no tenant ever does that to their landlord, but johnny had remained just as friendly; asking things like if you wanted another potted plant, a monstera or a dragon tree, or if you still had that swiss chocolate he brought home as a gift, orâ
the list of his questions grew, but youâve given him clipped replies, not knowing how to act right anymore since your quiet realization. even the âthingâ that you thought you shared with him had fizzled at the drop of the women coming-and-leaving, and you are left to pick up the pieces.
itâs not like youâre broken or ruined or angry. god, no you arenât.
but you feel unsteady, like now that you know that you liked him more than he liked you, you forgot how to breathe. how to live without that looming burden because your affection is nothing but a burden.
what will johnny do if he finds out? you canât afford a new place to move into, not when youâre so close to graduating, the finish line just about to graze your very fingertips with how near it is. money is still tight, and johnny has already spoiled you rotten. has shown you how it is to live a comfortable life. and if he learns of your feelings, you would lose this. more than anything, you would lose him.
so you detached yourself from the noose, curling into yourself and using his work trip as a way to move on.
jesus â move on, huh? like there was a âyou and johnnyâ to even move on from. like there was anything there to read. like there was anything there to pull away from; twitching fingers drawing back into the spaces of your ribs, tucking yourself away from his warmth.
âiâve been so busy, john,â you muttered, just as tired.
âyeah?â he said, still light. still jovial. âlet me cook something nice for ye, huh? reward yer hard work and all.â
âi canât.â you swallowed down the prickle lodged in your throat, eyes ducking away to avoid seeing his. âiâve got a meeting with the club.â
(you missed the way johnnyâs smile dipped.)
âoh,â he said.
you shrugged, internally wincing at your weak attempt at being normal, before gathering your thermos and your messily-wrapped sandwich. johnny was still standing by the counters when you turned around from the sink, his bulk so close to yours in ages. it had been so long since you could just reach over and feel his warmth; feel the soft pudge of what once were hardened muscles.
heâs looking at you with such sad eyes that itâs jarring to truly see because heâs looking at you likeâ
like heâs losing you.
âiâm gonnaâŚâ you trailed off, not really knowing how to end this truly awkward interaction.
âyeah, fâcourse,â he croaked out. âtake care of yerself huh, lass?â
âthanks.â the smile on your face felt more like a grimace. âsee you.â
he said nothing more after that, his eyes still searching; still furrowed like somethingâs changed and somethingâs happening, and it made your stomach drop because please. please donât let him notice.
but johnny just watched as you went, his coffee all forgotten.
(something bloomed in the soft press of your heart, flickering like a young ember. youâve never realized how longing could feel like your mouth is stuffed with cotton.)
.
johnny hasn't picked up since his return from aberdeen.
theyâre getting a new firm so the shuffling has been brutal, leaving johnny to clamber out at five in the morning before coming back home when itâs pushing 11pm. the scruff on his face is becoming more unkempt, salt and pepper becoming more intense, but even then, heâs never looked more ruggedly beautiful as he is now.
itâs like heâs aged years and you shouldnât be reacting so strongly to the change, but looking at johnny now makes you ache in a different way â core throbbing, throat parched and eyes stinging as you watch him. youâre so drawn to his gravitational pull, unable to detangle yourself now that it feels like heâs more back in your life than he ever was.
and you know itâll end up hurting you. that youâll go back to isolating yourself at the drop of a new girl in the house, the smell of her chanel or bvlgari perfume filling up the crevices that youâve dutifully dusted every saturday morning while johnnyâs out for a run. heâs made having casual lovers a cycle, one that you cannot blame him for because johnny doesnât like you back.
but johnnyâs been so attentive to you these days. heâs been a hovering presence even when he looks like heâs one blown wind away from passing out in his exhaustion, his warm hand always on the small of your back as he walks you to the door before chirping a hearty, âkick ass, bon!â
heâs back to fixing up food for you, like that blip in your schedule got him all creative because now, itâs not even just dinner. youâve got breakfast waiting for you in the microwave, and packed lunch already in your bag, carefully tucked beside the manila folders and plastic envelopes for your capstone. itâs like heâs making up for something which is dumb and wrong because now, youâre all swooping stomach and prickling lungs.
âyummy?â johnny asked, catching you wriggling in excitement at the flavour bursting into your tongue.
your cheeks tingled, feverish, before giving him a shy nod.
he huffed, something so achingly fond, and rested his chin atop his crossed arms. you didnât know what to focus on â the scruff on his face or the hard lines of webbing veins spilling from beneath his folded sleeves. then, he crooned, âgood. thatâs good.â
you ran upstairs to your room, throwing an excuse about finishing up your paper, before locking the door, and feeding your cunt two fingers to satiate the burn. the stretch was delicious, raw and sweet, and you humped your wrist, trying to douse the flames burning you up.
you thought of johnny, of the way he looked and how much nicer heâs been; of johnny and the way he was so kind to you, so caring like youâre up in his priority list again, overtaking his busy schedule and the firm restructuring, and his needs.
your orgasm felt like a ripping of reality, your mind splintering at the edges as youâre stretched thin. it felt like youâve been pulled taut, then released with a resounding snap. it felt euphoric, like the explosion of something intoxicating. something wickedly addicting.
you knew that this could never be unmade. your affections had grown their tendrils, curling past the quiet admiration and spiralling into something unforgiving. into something greater than yourself.
âfuck,â you had rasped out, eyes prickling with tears as shame rushed into your chest. âfuck.â
you didnât need this. you didnât need any of this.
but it becomes a cycle â wash, rinse, repeat.
johnny continues to go unshaven; continues to pour his attention to you. and you soak it up, needy and soft, unable to turn away with your tail tucked between your legs. you fall back to the ease of how it had been, hip bumping his, morning coffee shared in the silence, dinner a filling affair once more. all thatâs changed are the lingering looks, the resonating touches.
how johnnyâs wide hand falls to the small of your back more often; how his fingers just slots against yours every time he passes you your cup; how his eyes rove over your face, always searching for something you dare not hope for.
the last time he flicked his eyes down to watch the way your tongue lapped at your lips, swiping away at the extra cream, johnnyâs pupils had constricted before a quiet groan rumbled from his throat. your thighs had quickly clenched close as heat exploded in the pit of your belly, spreading like wildfire through your veins. the pressure on your nub made you hiccup, like a whine dragging itself from your trachea, and johnny had snapped his eyes back to yours so quickly, it made you heady.
âbonââ
âi have to go,â you murmured, clamouring to shaky legs.
you fucked yourself to a deafening point once more, ears ringing as you squirted, the gush of your slick pushing past your fingers. you had to gnash your pillow cover to muffle the moan rumbling from the base of your throat, trying desperately to be good. to not be heard. to be better.
but johnnyâs burning gaze on your lips was seared into your memory, blazing on top of everything, and you imaginedâ
god, you imagined.
the way heâll take you â beard rough on your chin, thicker fingers spreading you wider, reaching deeper, before finally filling you up with all of him, bullying the whole length of his cock until he bottoms out.
you pressed on your stomach, dizzy, thinking about how johnny would hit that far. you know he would. the women heâs slept with have told you, anyway, in passing, describing how he was in bed with dreamy sighs like they werenât still reeking of sex and johnnyâs aftershave.
(you still wonder why so many of them were mean, their noses tipped up every time they saw you. they were the ones that johnny chose, the ones who were fortunate enough to have been his lover, so you wonder why they still sought you out like you were competition.)
âjohnnyyyy!â you moaned, loud and long, your fingers prodding at your walls, and you knew that youâd regret the wrangled cry later, but you didnât care then, too busy swimming in the aftermath of your orgasm.
.
but johnny heard it anyway.
he told you that he had heard you.Â
it happened so quickly â one moment you were bent over the espresso machine, fiddling with the levers with bleary-eyed attempts, then the next thing you knew was that johnny was crowding you, trapping you between the warm bulk of his body and the counter, his eyes furrowed so deeply which made the lines on his forehead run much deeper.
âwhuâ?â you asked, blinking tiredly at him.
johnny just did this shaky breath that rattled his whole body, like he was propped up by a couple of sticks instead of his whole mass. the mood shifted with that weak inhale though, and you turned to fully face him, ignoring the beeping machine because johnny was still looking at you with those eyes.
the ones that made you feel seen, read, and laid bare before him. like he could weave his eyes past the fabrics of your shirt to peek into the very jagged shards of your heart and see the cross that youâve been carrying. like he knew things about you that he shouldnât.
âjohnny?â you prodded again, finding his silence alarming.
âyer too young for me, mâeudail,â johnny finally rumbled out, voice thick and deep.
and itâsâ
what.
your mind was pressing into your skull, trying desperately to link your synapses together; for the fog to clear and for your coherence to rise above the pull of drowsiness, but johnny was faster. like now that heâs said the first words, the rest just follow, unstoppable in their force and in their meaning.
âi told myself i couldnât,â he murmured, still breathing shakily; gaze still too fragile. âthat yer lookinâ for nothinâ like me, and that yer just tryinâ to get out there with yer career.â
he lifted a hand, fingers twitching, before balling it back down to a fist.
âtold myself iâve gotta let go. found a way to cope and shit.â
johnny took another ragged breath in, and it startled you into gulping one of your own â you didnât even realize that youâve held your breath as he spoke to you, your chest clenching tightly as your mind began to link the passageways together, filling you in on what he wasnât really saying.
âbut carinâ fâyou was so easy. christ, it was even delightful, hen.â he chuckled, something that was somewhat raw and pained.
you licked at your lips, blinking wide eyes open. johnny tracked the movement, his nose flaring like youâve done something more than a subconscious thing, his shoulders going taut.
âi like doing all sorta things for you. liked seeing yâeat what i cooked; liked seeing yâuse what i got fâyou. liked watching yâcome home to me. to me.â
a soft sound echoed between the two of you, and it took you an embarrassingly long time to realize that it was a breathless whimper that petered out from the base of your throat. you didnât even realize that youâve curled into yourself, almost like youâre trying your best to shrink before johnny, and johnny crooned.
callused palm cupped the round of your cheek, his thumb swiping just underneath your eye. âtold myself yer too young; that surely yer looking for someone closer to yer age, but bon, i heard yâlast night.â
you startled in his hold, a quiet gasp piercing through the heat. johnnyâs lips danced with mirth.
âsâright. heard a loud thump against the wall and ran upstairs, all worried, but guess my surprise, yes? yâwere moaninâ my name so loudly, itâs like yâleft yer door open.â
âjohnny, iââ
âtell me,â he said, moving closer, his chest pressing against yours. âtell me tâstop, bon, anâ i will. but yâve got to tell me. yâve got to push me away.â
you looked at him, your eyes trembling at what he was laying out thickly, and your throat going parched at the blanketing desire rippling from him. there were so many things you wanted to ask, but his breath was tickling the bridge of your nose, dancing so close to the bow of your lips, and your heart ached.
desire coursed through you in waves, dribbling from the cup, and you lurched forward, chasing after his lips.
johnny melted into you. his hesitant touch turned greedier, more possessive, mapping your body and pulling you closer into him. his mouth devoured your own, gulping down the pleased little sighs and keens spilling from your lips. he kissed like a man starved, but you werenât any softer; all nippy and desperate, fingers digging into his hair and fisting at the thin strands.
it was feverish, almost to a boiling point, and you needed more.
god, you needed more.
âjohnny,â you mewled when he pulled away just enough to slide his damp lips along the cut of your jaw. âjohnny, need you.â
âchrist,â johnny sounded so wrecked, his voice rumbling deeply from where his lips were suckling on the soft curve of your neck. âiâve been dreaming of this, mo luaidh. i knew i shouldnât but yer so sweet to me and iâ i wanted.â he said that word like it was dirty; like heâd been fighting tooth-and-nail to suppress it.
it made you tremble to hear how johnny desired you just as much. he had always felt unobtainable; always danced too far from your grasp and was always bigger than what you knew you could handle â his lovers had always looked divinely; pretty, yes, but fierce in their own right like they knew how to live without johnny; and you know they could, because they didnât need johnny the way you do. they didnât look at johnny like you do, like he hung the stars with those thick and aged hands of his.
but as you stood there, feeling every word punctured onto your skin, you couldnât help but begin to cry, the tears springing from your eyes to slip down your cheeks. johnny rubbed your back, soothing and gentle.Â
âi wanted tâtake you â make yâall mine,â he whispered.Â
you hiccuped, shaky from the weight of your hunger, and nuzzled close. your hands fell from fisting his hair so you could claw at the sharp corners of his shoulder blades, feeling the muscles there rippling, all taut when he bent forward and kissed you.
âplease,â you began, feeling your mind thinning because you wanted more. more. more. more. âi can beâ johnny, sâalways been you. nobody else but you.â
you tugged him away, cupping his jaw and forcing him to look at you. and god, johnny looked so devastatingly beautiful, his eyes all furrowed and his cheeks all flushed, and his lips spit-sheened.
âfuck me,â you whispered, tired of dancing around.
he groaned, something that sounded so pained, before he was tugging you with him, up the stairs and skirting past your room and into his.Â
youâve never been in johnnyâs room before, just as he had never been in yours since you moved in, and until now you still donât know what you had been expecting upon walking in, but the smell of johnny wafting through was almost gut-punching. he smelled so close, like he was everywhere â surrounding you from the ground-up, dousing every pore with him until even your mouth felt full.
and johnny, he smelt like home.Â
there were no more words uttered as he stripped you off your pyjamas, sure fingers making their way down the buttons, unlatching them from the hemmed slits. you watched with heavy eyes, blinking slowly like everything had been wrung out of you, leaving you pliant and soft. johnny hummed, appreciative, and mapped kisses from your heaving chest, teeth nipping at the fat, before moving on, sprinkling every expanse of your skin with such reverence.Â
your hands were balled to your chest when he reached the jut of your belly, his chin hovering just above your crotch. johnny flicked up his darkened eyes at you, asking silently.
you gave him a nod, not trusting your own voice too.
johnnyâs eyes had turned into slits, pleased, and hefted himself up just enough to be able to fit his hands on your hips and tugged your pants down. you shivered, the warmth in his room not enough to suppress the winter chill, and it made you buck into him. johnny comforted you with a quiet shh, rubbing his palm on the pudge of your thigh in soothing circles.
you donât know why that touch was what did it for you, but soft sobs finally spilled from your mouth, scrunching up the desire into something undeniably frail. johnny didnât startle though, like he knew that you had been wounding up to this tipping point, and instead continued to touch you tenderly, almost like if he could, he would cradle you close.Â
âi love you,â you said, sniffling, because that was the crux of your vulnerability, right?
you love him. god, you love him.Â
youâve loved him since the day he sat you down for dinner and told you that youâve got nothing to worry about, not anymore and not with him around. youâve loved him since the day he flipped the den so you can have your own space for work; donât mind the fact that he didnât know if you were going to even stay, just that he insisted that you deserved that room either way. youâve loved him since that swiss chocolate, since that cup of coffee, since heâs begun filling your painfully lonely days with his care.Â
youâve loved him since and nowâ
âoh, mo graidh,â johnny breathed out. âi love you too.â he kissed your thigh, scruff ticklish. âgu siorraidh is gu brath.â
you wanted to ask what that meant but johnny was already moving, sitting back up to strip out of his own shirt. you trailed your eyes down his body, capturing your trembling lips between your teeth at how breathtaking he was â soft with fat but still heavy with muscles, fuzzy with hair with the smattering pooling just underneath his belly button before trailing down to where they were hidden underneath his pants.Â
you twitched before finally braving enough to reach out and brush your knuckle over the indents of his softened abs. johnny hummed, something that curled with appreciation, before covering your hand with his and holding it there.Â
âall of me sâyers, hen,â he said with such finality that you felt it settle deep within the marrows of your bones.Â
you nodded, emotionally spent and johnny lilted something else in scottish, so soft that it was almost a croon. you let him manhandle you â pushing your hips up so he could slot a pillow under for your back; you were so malleable to his touch as he took over, bending once again for a kiss while his fingers danced past the laces of your panties and into the damp heat of your pussy.Â
you moaned, eyelashes fluttering when he pressed one in, so careful and slow, but you were so wet that it slid in with no resistance, gobbling it up knuckle-deep. johnny had groaned like he could feel your rising euphoria, before nosing along your temple as he wiggled the finger around, stroking at your walls. you wondered if he was going to tease but then he was pulling it out, only to plunge two in the next thrust, curling and stretching, and ohâ
oh, ssssâgood.
you donât even remember how long heâd been spearing you with his thicker fingers, rough and long and reaching far, far deeper than you could with your own, but you laid there, sobbing, feeling your slick slip out, pooling, making a mess of your thighs and his sheets. johnny had moved from suckling on your neck to taking a nipple in his mouth, teeth softly gnashing at the bud. you felt like you were on fire, burning from your core, aching for a release.Â
âcum fâme, mâeudail,â johnny groaned, breathless himself, his cock poking underneath his boxers, the fabric all wet from where his tip was, leaking pearled pre-. âlet me see you.â
âjohnny, iâm gonnaâ iâmâ!â you squealed, legs jumping, squeezing johnnyâs sides as you jolted, hips twitching at the bloating ecstasy. johnny just pushed down on your thigh, not letting up with the pace of his fingers. he was fucking you so hard that his handâs slapping against your skin, his palm grinding down on your clit just right, and the pleasure sizzled into something biting. into something that was almost painful.
it was catastrophic, pulling you into two directions. johnnyâs everywhere â his scent in your lungs, his fingers deep in your pussy, his mouth hot and wet on your tits, and like this, like this, you felt yourself breaking.Â
rippingâ
then, your orgasm was punched out of you.Â
your senses had gone awry â throat throbbing as you cried out, your eyes going blind as they rolled into your skull at the final curl of johnnyâs fingers. white noise filled your ears, and it was like you were submerged underneath water, wading through the crashing tides of your climax.
you came back to johnny peppering your face with soft kisses, whispering something you couldnât decipher past the croon of your name and something like you did good and so beautiful. heâd already pulled his fingers out, and used both arms to cradle you close. you felt so empty â god, that wasnât even his cock, yet â but your body thrummed pleasantly, almost like the itch was finally scratched.Â
âjohnny?â you puffed out, voice all scratchy and weak.Â
âiâm here, bon. iâm here.â
you hummed, curling into his chest, head pillowed by his arm. you wanted to ask what about his own euphoria, but johnny seemed so content just laying there with you, not really desperate or needy, so you let it go, losing the battle against your drowsiness before finally slipping into a quiet sleep.Â
.
johnnyâs there for your graduation, carrying a big bouquet of only eden roses. you didnât even know that those particular ones were expensive until someone from the graduation party oohed and aahed to their friend.Â
your cheeks burned when their friend chirped, âwell someoneâs clearly loved.â
you know that what they said would have had johnny agreeing loudly if he was allowed in the lineup because he is never one to be shy about what he feels; or not anymore, anyway. he loves so fully and openly that you still wonder why it took the two of you so long to get together, but the days since then had just been kind and filling that you have long forgotten how it was to not be with him.Â
theyâre going to call your name soon, and your stomach swoops, excitement and anxiety mixing in a dizzying tandem.Â
youâre graduating with a bachelorâs degree in psychology and a diploma in early childhood education, and this is not where you thought you would be when you first started university, but itâs the happiest you have ever been. and sure much of your poli-sci courses were scrapped when you changed majors, and thatâs also a lot of money wasted, but you have three job opportunities lined up already and itâs like the seismic shift in your life had finally corrected itself.Â
(your mom said sheâs sorry that she and your pa couldnât come, but youâve stopped longing for their acceptance and told her it was fine.
thereâs a date saved in your calendar, though, for a brunch with her and that was enough.)
you ducked into johnnyâs arms when the graduation ceremony ended, careful of the bouquet heâs holding.Â
âcongratulations, bonnie,â he says, a hearty laugh rumbling from his chest. âchrist, iâm so, so proud of you.â
you never pegged yourself for a crybaby, but tears begin to pool in the corners of your eyes at the weight of his words.Â
âthank you,â you reply, soft and raw, and honest.Â
johnny pulls you in, his lips warm as theyâre pressed on your forehead.Â
and this, just like this, you know things will only get better from here on out.Â
#suns#johnny soap mactavish#johnny soap mactavish x reader#johnny mactavish x reader#johnny mactavish#soap x reader#cod x reader#f!reader#read tags!!
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It's driving Eddie insane.
There's no fucking way the 2 things can be true. Either Steve stole Eddie's porn, his prized magazines full of hot boys covered in piercings, tattoos, and mouthwatering amounts of leather. Or... OR! Steve happens to own the same magazine. Eddie can't believe either thing is true. Maybe it was a prank? Some sick homo-mag that his basketball buddies slipped him some time... that he kept for over a year at least? Yeah. Sure, Munson.
"Soo... Beefcake?" Eddie leans over the counter at Family Video, making sure his tatted tits are on full view in front of Steve.
Steve lowers the paper he's reading. "Am I supposed to be Beefcake?"
Eddie plasters his world-famous shit-eating grin across his face, scooting slightly left so he chest is firmly in front of Steve's pretty eyes. "Only Beefcake I see regularly without some serious payment on my end."
Steve coughs in surprise. "Not taking the bait, Munson. What brings you in, anyway? Are you trying to get Rocky Horror again? I think someone besides you actually rented it this week."
"Really?" Eddie sighs, then perks up, remembering the real reason he was here. "No, uh, I wanted to ask..." His courage runs out halfway through his sentence.
Steve smiled softly at him, his cow eyes framed by those perfect eyelashes and... FOCUS MUNSON.
"I wanted to ask if you had read anything good recently? Maybe any good magazines?"
Steve raises an eyebrow. "Did Robin put you up to this? She said you freaked out after I left my porn out on my nightstand on accident when you slept over. Are you homophobic or something?"
Eddie practically loses his balance. "Steve- we- you- I'm-" He stumbles through forty different responses. "I'm not homophobic."
Steve shrugs. "Are you mad it had guys and girls in it? It's not the 70s anymore, Munson-"
"We own the same BDSM Leather Daddy magazine."
They stare at each other for a second.
Steve clears his throat. "Well, I was kind of hoping you'd have jock porn or something, but your type is your business."
"Why would you hope I had jock porn?"
There's a loud throat-clearing noise from the break room, Robin peaking her head out. "Can you two take your horrible flirting somewhere else? I'm getting traumatized over here."
"Sorry, Rob." They mumble in unison.
"Thank you." She says, before spinning away in her chair.
Steve leans in and whispers. "I was hoping you had jock porn because then all the times you bent over the counter and shoved your tits in my face would make sense."
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âplease donât make me say it if you arenât going to say it backâ with a desperately in love with joel reader would hit so muchâŚ
weaved around your finger like yarn
a/n: me writing for joel again?? this has sat in my inbox for over a year and i never meant to actually take this long with it. but i finally figured out how to write this concept. and now i am actually obsessed with the small world of softness i created for these two. this is yes jackson joel, but nothing bad happens ever to him because why would it? it's all fine right?
summary: he never made space in his life for love in the aftermath of destruction. the after of his life he once thought would extend past decades of gray hair, smile lines carved in around his mouth now set in frowns and sneers. but snowfall and alcohol blur the lines for both of you when winter comes to jackson.
word count: 1.6k+
pairing: joel miller x reader
warnings: not explicit, love confessions, heavy makeout sessions, alcohol consumption, tipsy joel, sad joel, laughter at the end of the world, hope.
He can't remember laughing until his stomach hurt. The ache that spilled into his chest, warming his insides with a sun like quality that left him shivering. He can't recall the feel of his cheeks pulled so wide the sensation became a phantom pain seconds after. He knows it happened. He can distinctly recall the jokes, the joy. But the laughter lingers like a ghost at the back of his mindâtranslucent and gray and distorted enough to feel false.
Alcohol simmers in his stomach with a rueful intent. A malignant aftermath that would hit him in a few hours after two months of attempted sobriety. Ellie insisted, he accepted. Easy enough to say. Difficult to follow through with.
He had his days where whiskey sounded better than the flavor of bacon Tommy would bring him in the early mornings. But the dismay in your eyes helped him hold off, regain his awareness of a world not yet shattered. For once in quite a long time...he finally lived. For you, for Ellie, for Sarah.
He lived to see his hair grow longer and the grays appear more frequently. To drink coffee in the mornings on a porch you were already settled on. To help you fix small things here and there in your cabin next door. He lived for your smile, the light in your eyes. The curve of your lips as they pulled up into bolstering peals of laughterâthe furrow in your brow as you frowned from endless frustrations on long hard days.
Joel Miller lived to love you.
He existed to dig his heels in and wait shit outâit's what he was good at, what he knew how to do. But for you he relented quicker than ice on a hot asphalt driveway back home in Texas. His mind became sand that slipped through your giving handsâheart a fluttering mess that sang a tune he could never get right on the guitar stashed in his living room.
Days bloomed into weeks which grew into months. Eventually a year passed and what used to be difficult and awkward to be around people again, felt like breathing the fresh winter air. The jackets he managed to find hung on hooks by the door, a pair of heavy boots beside the small table Tommy crafted him.
The mornings were nice. When hot water hit ground coffee and the aroma plagued his kitchen for hours at a time. The evenings called you towards himâsimple cooking skills shared in the confines of a home he pined for you to reside in.
Life was a sliver of peace he never imagined he'd get again. But the hole in his heart never faded, the pain still rang out sharp enough to have him clamping down on the inside of his cheek. And your smile made his stomach ache with a longing deep enough to scar.
Tommy told him to buck up and do something. Ellie called him a fucking idiot.
You...gave no indication you felt the same way. So silent and reserved he would remain.
Your feet slid on icy, fingers gripping tightly to his jacket with a yelp in a quick attempt to save yourself from slamming to the ground. Joel snickered loud and brash and a wash of embarrassment burned under frozen cheeks. Dragging you up, his arm looped tightly around your waistâhand pressed harsh and insistent to the small of your back. You swallowed the butterflies at the sight of his face flushed redâeyes shining from the effect of too much whiskey.
"We were bad tonight," you muttered, breath forming a cloud between your faces.
He grinnedâskin buzzing at the close proximity of your form. "Only a little bit."
"You're not supposed to drink Joel."
Leaning in he traded his smile like a secret; you tucked it into your chest with a sharp breath. "I won't tell if you don't, darlin'."
"Joel..."
"C'mon. No one's gettin' in trouble here."
A blade pierced your heart brutallyâspilling crimson along pale white snow. Even as Joel remained entirely unaware of how you clung to him. How your body called his nameâyour mind plagued with thoughts of his being, with images of his smile, with the sound of his raspy voice. He'd never know the way you cherished each moment with him. The mornings tucked away from an unruly worldâthe nights shared between friends who might one day be more.
Your teeth scraped along the cracked skin of your bottom lip, eyes cast up to the curl of his lips. The words sprang forth faster than you could drag them back. Your chest of secrets unlocked and bared to the man who drowned you in his small flecks of joy. Later you'd blame the alcohol. When the headache ravaged your head and an ache lingered between your thighs.
Later you'd comb over every small glance and breathy word.
"I like spending time with you Joel," you breathed, fingers toying with the front of his leather coat. "I like...um..."
The breath caught in his throat, gaze desperate to catch yours. "Yeah sugar?"
"It's a hard thing to say." Another cloud of your whiskey tinged breath filled the air.
"You can tell me anythin'. You know that right?" Even as hope flared bright and scorching through the width of his chest. "I'll listen."
Hesitation spilled into the night, your voice a soft whisper he barely caught. "Please don't make me say it if you aren't going to say it back."
Oh didn't you know?
Did you not see how his gaze dug beneath the layers of flesh and bone, of tendons and veins that clung to your form? Did you not understand he would take a bullet for you? That he'd bear the wound of a warrior's death to keep you alive? How could you not know that his love stuck to his tongue with a saccharine bitterness he swallowed down like the drugs he once took to numb his mind?
You healed pieces of his soul you never broke. A marred and fucked puzzle that was meant to find a home six feet underground. By his own hand no less. He was destined to dieâborn to sufferâyet you swathed him wool with the promise of a peaceful life.
A future etched by the hands of love.
"Say it," he pleaded, frozen hand cupping your cheek.
"It's more than just that." The breath you took shot adrenaline down his spine. "I like our mornings. I like our dinners and conversation. And even when you come into town with me. But I...I love..."
The glossy nature of your eyes created by unshed tears that pooled at your waterline dug the knife deep enough to meld it within his heart. You didn't know. You couldn't have. His silence, his hesitation, swallowed every emotion he might have told youâevery secret uttered in the shadows of night that told only half his story.
He told you about Sarah. About their life together, about her smile. That in itself felt like a proclamation of loveâa key to the heart he thought stopped beating long ago.
"I knew it would freak you out," you muttered, pulling away from his hold.
Only for him to panic. His hand gripped the back of your jacket, pushing you towards him hard enough for your feet to slip again. But your gasp was swallowed by the cold press of his mouth to yours. Lips chapped by the winter air slid against your parted mouth as you froze against his chest. Your hands hung listlessly at your sides. He kissed you tenderly, attempting to wake you from the spell of shock, but to no avail did it bring you back.
"'M sorry." His words were muffled against your chin, forehead pressed to yours and eyes squeezed shut. "I shouldn't haveâ"
The press of your fingers into his cheeks jolted him backâeyes wide as you dragged him back with a stifled moan. Your mouth found his tongue hot and wet along his bottom lip in a pleading motion he complied to instantly. Stepping forward he fell into you with a deep groan. One that echoed and vibrated right down to your stomachâone you savored with a lick along his back teeth.
Hands cupped your ass with an insistent need to mold you closer, fingers digging into the plush flesh he longed to bite and taste. You tasted like whiskey. You smelled like him. It made him dizzy with want, anxious to lead you back to his porchâto seat you on his kitchen counter in the mornings while the coffee went cold.
"Fuck I wanna take ya home sugar," he grunted, biting at your lower lip with a grin.
Your breathless reply made the hair stand on the back of his neck. "You can."
"No." He shook his head, stealing another kiss with a gritty moan. "Not tonight. 'M gonna do this proper."
"Proper," you smiled, tugging on the longer curls you refused to let him cut. "You're such an old man Miller."
The large breadth of his hand cupped your chin, pushing the cheeks he lightly bit into together. "Won't be sayin' that tomorrow when I ain't got all this fuckin' alcohol in me."
"Yeah?" The droop of your eyelidsâthe darkened iris now filled with lustâset his teeth on edge. His body hummed with a new buzz he craved since meeting you. "Prove it."
"Oh I will." He grinned sharply, licking his teeth like a wolf waiting to pounce. "Don't you worry 'bout that."
A glimmer in your eyes caught his attention, the grip on your face loosening. "You know I love you right darlin'?"
You smiledâbig and brightâand Joel felt another piece of his soul set back into place. "I love you too Joel."
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x y/n#joel miller fic#joel miller#pedrostories#my writing
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SPOILED BRAT đŤ§đĽ


SUGARDADDY!CONNIE! X SPOILED!BLACKFEM!READER
SUMMARY!!! connie tells yn no
WARNINGS!!! overstimulation, oral (f receiving), daddy kink, implied âage gapâ, mentions of drug dealing, sex 18+!!
youâd been together with connie for a 6 years at this point. the two do you did everything together. he always made sure you were straight no matter what.
youâre his woman. his pride and joy. his headache.
just today: heâd taken you to brunch to help recover for your god awful hangover acquired by spending the night before taking shots of don julio with your friends. he took you to the hair store, buying you new bundles for the season change, then payed for the install. taking you to lunch after your hair was done. deciding you were getting tired of walking, you requested one last lap around the mall, which ultimately ended with connie wanting to see your nails a different color and a new set of lashes.
youâve been gifted birkins, 24 karat bracelets, trips out of country just because, and even receiving a maybach for getting through your first year of college. everything you ever wanted, he made sure you got. no if, ands, or buts.
bouncing on the tippy toes of your pretty pink chanel slippers. the fresh white pedicure compliments the white lettering on your shoes. your eyes glaze over the stores extensive amount of new products. you wonder in awe as connie walked behind you, carrying your bags while his face is buried in his phone.
âoo! they have the two piece iâve been wanting!â only hearing the paddling of your shoes, connie barely has time to look up before you and a PINK store associate were talking about the newly released thong set.
âyou want it?â he asks simply, hand caressing the small of your exposed back.
âno i already have too much!â you shake your head, your fresh set of lashes batting against your face as you eyed the clothing. connieâs hand flags down the worker from earlier.
âcan we get all if the color for this set, medium.â he places a few hundreds in the womanâs hands before she scurries off to fulfill the purchase.
âthank you, baby.â you giggle , giving him a small kiss on the cheek. the strawberry scented lipgloss leaves a transparent pink path on his face. which stays there. before you could bring up the fact that you were eyeing one more thing in the store, connieâs ringtone went off. he peers down before gazing back at you. placing a quick kiss to your lips, he slides away.
âgive me one second, baby.â
he basically stormed out of the store, face twisted up.
from your view through the glass it looked like someone fucked something up. connieâs tattooed had runs across his head, sighing into the phone before shaking his head a final time, hanging up.
once he returned, the worker rushes a few bags over and the left over money from the exchange.
âkeep it. âĄď¸, letâs go.â he takes the bags carefully before heading for the exit. his tone was firm but still gentle enough that you didnât feel offended.
-
finally back home, washing every piece of clothing you got today, you noticed your fiance was a little quieter than usual.
changing into something a little more comfortable, you walk out into the large penthouse living room.
âwhatâs wrong?â you quiz. his head shoots up from its resting position on his hand to shake his head.
ânothing princess. just some stuff i have to go handle in a few, you good?â he asked concerned.
âyeah youâve just been like.. preoccupied away from me all day today! i just want some attention. can i come with?â the long red fur lined robe moved swiftly against your exposed brown skin as you did your little begging dance.
âwhatchuâ mean iâve been ignoring you? and not this time, princess. itâs something real important and i canât risk some shit happening to you. we not finna do this.â
your motion stops as you stare a little dumbfounded. no? no?? jokingly sticking your acrylic inside your ear, wiggling it, pulling your finger back out to check. he got used to the dramatics years ago.
âwhat do you mean not this time, connie?â you only used his government when you were mad at him.
connie leans back in the leather chair, pinching the bridge of his nose as he watches you from across the room. heâs always been the one to say yes, to pull strings, to make things happen. youâve always reveled in thatâhis power, his ability to hand you everything you could ever want, no questions asked. but this time, the look on his face is different.
ânot. this. time.âĄď¸.â he says, his tone firm, his jaw tight.
âyouâre joking?â you say, voice sharp, tinged with indignation. a small flabbergasted smile making its way into your face slowly.
he shakes his head, slow and deliberate.
âiâm serious, âĄď¸. i canât do this. not this time.â
for a moment, youâre stunned, the words hanging in the air between you like a challenge. then, like a flame catching kindling, the fury ignites.
âcanât ?â you spit, laughing abruptly, your voice rising. âor wonât?â
he doesnât flinch. that only makes it worse.
âyouâll do everything else-â you continue, pacing now, your anger spilling out unchecked.
â-youâll risk everything for everyone else, but the one time i ask for something that matters to me, suddenly itâs a problem?â
ââĄď¸, itâs not like that.â his voice is calm, measured, and it infuriates you more.
âthen what is it like, connie? hm? you basically ignore me all day and now you wanna leave me here?â you shout, spinning to face him.
âbecause to me, it looks like youâre picking and choosing when i matter.â
he sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. you know he hates this side of you, the part that lashes out when things donât go your way, but right now, you donât care.
âim saying no because itâs not safe. you donât see the bigger picture.â he says, his voice hardening slightly.
âdonât give me that fucking bullshit!â you scoff, crossing your arms.
âyou think i donât know what youâre wrapped up in? you think i donât know how you make all this happen?â you gesture around, the designer bags, the jewelry, the life heâs built for you.
his silence speaks volumes, and it only fuels your rage.
âyn. im being polite with you. please donât start this shit. and watch your fucking mouth, mama. im being calm.â his eyes growing more irritated and narrow. laughing in his face, you turn on your heels, walking back to the bedroom. disappearing down the lengthy hallway. you could hear the slow pads of connieâs feet following after you.
âfine! fuck you! didnât wanna fucking go anyways.â you huff under your breath, slamming the tall room door behind you.
the man immediately flings the door back open, pointing to the bed.
âsit down. im not fucking asking you.â his jaw clenched tight.
finding yourself crawling onto the white king sized bed, sitting on your knees. the lacey black lingerie set underneath the red fur peeking through.
âwhat in the hell is wrong with you today, princess?â his voice is growing agitated and upset.
avoiding his gaze, you can only play with the hem of your clothing, ignoring him fully.
âyea we not about to do this shit.â
before you had a chance to react, he was on the bed, pushing your body backwards, and hovering above you.
âwhy you actin like this, baby, hm?â you couldnât help but to melt looking at his eyes. everything about how close he is to you is just turning you on. ignoring him again, heâs starting to get fed up.
âim gonna ask you one more time and after, i donât wanna hear about it.â his right hand held both your hands in front of you and his left was on the outside of your thigh. you could feel his warmth.
âjust want attention, daddy.â you mumble, face whipping to the side. his hand shoots up to fix your chin back his direction.
âuhn uhn, speak up.â gently shaking your head side to side, heâs looking at you gently still.
âi want attention. why are you being such a fucking bitch con?â
immediately regretting your choice of words, the man rears up off your body, fixing his shirt and pants. you rush to sit upright, closing the robe, watching as the man put his shoes on.
âbaby, you know i didnât me-â you start. he just laughs, walking through the open door. chasing behind him, anxiety creeping up your neck.
âbaby, im sorry.â your voice barely above a whisper, watching as he grabs his cars keys, then heâs out the door.
-
âjust calm down, im sure heâs fine.â mikasa chats on the other end of the phone call. youâre using your other phone to repeatedly dial connieâs number, all chances failing.
âwhat if heâs not though? he wont even answer!â the salivas getting caught in your throat to think heâs upset with you but who else to blame?
âdrink a glass of wine and relax! i just talked to him, heâs fine.â you hear onyankopon on the other side of the line.
âwhat? how? what did he say?â you couldnât help but to shove all the questions down his throat.
âchill chill. heâs fine, he said heâs heading back home now. go relax, âĄď¸.â the man said on the other end of the line.
âokay thank you, iâll see you guys later.â the phone beeps off.
making your way to the kitchen, you grab a wine glass. hand skimming over the wall collection you and connie built over the years, you pull out a red wine from italy you got last summer. pouring a generous amount, you decide to just bring the bottle to the living room. waiting for the man to walk through your doors.
cuddled underneath a large white blanket, halfway through a movie, you make it more than halfway through the bottle, unfortunately still slightly sober from anxiety.
until the sound of keys being turned broke you from staring off into space.
he slides in, immediately kicking his shoes off and placing them on the rack. he removes his jacket, hand wiping off some lint from the inside off his shirt. your body jerks into a standing position, blanket laying at your feet.
âbaby-â you start.
âroom. now.â he doesnât even look up at you, he just begins to walk down the hallway. shuffling confused and worried behind him, he turns on a single lamp on his side of the bed.
âlay down.â
crossing your arms, standing firmly.
ânot until you tell me where you went and why i couldnât go!â your lips pull into a line and your eyebrows furrowed.
âlay the hell down. if i have to say it again i swear to god youâll hate me afterwards.â
still standing firm, youâre unmoved and unwilling. fed up, he walks over to you, his height towers you, throwing you over his shoulder. he tosses you onto the bed, yanking off your robe in the process.
âyou want attention? strip.â he begins âand if i have to repeat myself this time, âĄď¸, you wonât leave this bed tomorrow.â his jaw gripped tight, words spoken through gritted teeth, he was 100% serious.
without hesitation, you pull the set off with ease. he smiles before digging in his nightstand. pulling out two pairs of fuzzy pink handcuffs and your sleep mask. plopping everything down beside you, you feel his strong hands pick up up from under your arms, pressing your back against the cold bedframe. he reaches behind him, grabbing the supplies. cuffing both your arms to the posts, he gives you a small kiss before covering your eyes.
âconnie why are you doing this?â voice unable to hold water, you were a mix of turned on and scared. you knew how he could treat you when he was this angry.
his hand goes back into the nightstand, all you can hear is him place it down beside you. the rattling from his belt being undone causes a reflex in your lower region, clamping your legs closed to gain some kind of traction. you can hear the laugh come from your fiance.
âdonât worry baby, youâre about to get all the attention you wanted.â the sound of his belt buckle hitting the ground followed by the sound of him removing his pants.
before you could try to listen for anything else, all you feel is his lips pressed against your pussy and his hands keeping your knees spread. his tongue licks long strides up and down, from your entrance to the throbbing, swollen bud. his lips pucker around your clit, giving it a few gentle tugs and licks. his hands move close to your core, squeezing every inch of your thighs, humming into your warmth.
âoh- shit con.â moaning, you start to feel a little vibration start to happen. âwhatâs that-â
he put the vibrator flush against your clit, using his tongue to pump slowly in and out of your clenching hole. flailing against the restraints, you canât help but to cry out for him.
âplease- please daddy, fuck me. im sorry i swear, please.â you feel him pinch the inside of your thigh, causing you to flinch a little.
âdonât tell me what the fuck to do. im gone take you how i want you.â he goes back to abusing your pussy, face covered in your slick and his spit. heâs always been obsessed with eating you. removing one of his hands from your leg, he begins to use his long slender fingers inside while he took turns sucking your clit and then replacing it with the vibrator.
you canât see anything but little stars floating across the darkness of your eye covering. the intense feeling in your abdomen building up. his fingers slide in and out agonizingly slow, tongue writing love spells on your swollen bud.
âshit connie im gonna- oh fuck!â your body begins to shake as you release. that doesnât stop him. he continues, his mouth attached to you, unable to pull away.
âthatâs my girl. give me some more of that shit, come on baby. this what you wanted right?â his mouth forms an o-shape, licking at the swollen bud while humming. you try to force your knees together, only for him to pin you down into a middle spilt. every inch of you was being sucked, licked, and bitten.
he pulls the vibrator back out, hooking his fingers into you, teasing your g-spot while his other hand switched modes on the wand.
âpretty ass pussy baby. she so wet for me, didnâ even have to do much. yeah, i feel it. make a mess, cum all over my fingers baby.â
the mix of the vibrations, connieâs fingers slowly fucking your hole, and the way he talked to you, you came undone. again. body shriveling up in overstimulation, you can only feel him turn the vibrations off, hoping to be done with this whole thing. youâre already fucked out and a mess.
âfuck baby, youre so filthy for me. but i donât think im satisfied, ma.â you shake your head a little, knowing that you fucked up. repositioning a pillow under your butt, the man reattaches his lips, going slower than he ever had. mouth frozen in an o shape, you couldnât help but to cry out.
âitâs too much daddy, be nice!â you cry, eyes brimming with tears, feeling as his warm, wet tongue slowly circles your swollen clit.
âmm- mm.â he offers in a hum, extending his arms up to play with your nipples, tugging gently at them. it seemed like his tongue never stopped moving, sometimes slipping into your clenching hole to collect more of your wetness. the burn in your stomach was intense. you could barely breathe, only pushing out large exhales of air, moans strangled in there alone the string of âpleaseâs and âfuckâs.
he was eating you like it was a competition and he wanted that fucking gold.
âagain, again, connie oh- fuuck.â youâre now full blown crying. the orgasm shaking your body beyond control. the man gently pulls away, softly running his hands around your body. his hands remove your blindfold, wiping some of the fallen tears. the readjustment to light wasnât too bad but once you saw his face, he just gives you a look.
âim- fine.â you choke out, tears still rolling. he laughs a little, wiping your face before standing and using his should to wipe his.
âim giving you two minutes.â
you swore those two minutes went by quicker than a hellcat in atlanta traffic.
he was now pinning your knees to your ears, dropping his throbbing cock inside you slowly, bottoming out. you let you a cry, in pure bliss. he pulls out quickly, slamming back into you. the sound of sex filled the room.
âpussy so fucking good. taking that shit so good.â he throws his head back, mercilessly pounding into you. he pulls out of you slowly, before pushing back into you. your hands grip at the chains of the handcuffs, bracing yourself for the manâs abuse on your hole. the veins of his cock rubbing the inside of your gummy walls. without warning , youâre squirting all over his dick, making a mess of the bed in the process.
âdaddy! iâm sorry!â
âitâs too late for that shit now. let me take these off you.â he reaches up, undoing the cuffs swiftly before tossing them to the side. thinking youre free, you try to roll off the bed, only to be caught by him.
he tosses you over onto all fours, grabbing your arms from your side so your face down into the mattress.
âyou know i love you right?â he asks, gripping both your wrists firmly behind your back.
âyes baby i know.â you say, head tilted to the side.
âgood cause im about to treat you like i dont.â
slamming into you, heâs relentless. the tip of his cock abusing your poor cervix, digging completely into you. large hands grab hold of your breast, chest stuck in a heavy breathing pattern.
pounding into you, not letting up, you know heâs pissed. trying your hardest to pull away to give yourself so slack, he yanks you back into his length by the wrist.
ânah whatchuâ running for? this what you wanted right? you wanted me to fuck you like this, huh? you gone take this dick.â
he could feel you clenching around him, the slick dripping from your abused hole to to your ass. he could feel how close you were.
âooo shit, let that shit go baby. imma fucking cum.â
your hands dig into his arms instinctively, eyes rolled to the back of your head, saliva spilling from the sides of your mouth in euphoria. it was so much yet you never wanted it to end. babbling nonsense and hitting connie with the palms of your hand, you release over him, again.
he delivers a few more thrusts, violating your cunt, sopping up every second of being inside you until heâs filling you up.
pulling away from his position, your body lay unmoving.
âwas that enough attention for you?â climbing to your side, his large arms pulls you on-top of him. placing gentle kisses to your head, he rubs his hand along your back, giving you a small massage.
âim sorry.â
âshh, itâs all fine now baby.â
connie cleaned the both of you up, tossed the sheets in the wash, replaced them with new sheets he bought while out, and even prepared a small dinner. sitting on the couch, both heads in a silk bonnet, watching love island.
Š vantetaes. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarize any of my works. ageless/blank blogs dni.
inspo pics

#aot x black reader#connie springer#connie x black reader#connie aot#aot connie#connie x reader smut#connie x black y/n#connie x reader#aot x black y/n#aot smut#aot x reader#eren aot#armin aot#aot#connie x you#attack on titan x reader#attack on titan#attack on titan characters#aot fanfiction#connie smut#connie springer smut#anime x black!reader#anime x reader#anime smut#anime#sugardaddy#sugarbaby#black reader#black fem reader#fem reader
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gummy bear
â¤ď¸â âš childhood bff!yuta okkotsu x f!reader || gummy bear is ur nickname that he gave u as a kid (also, this is yuta when he comes back from africa.. heart eyes)
warnings: both yuta and reader are in their early 20âs, piv sex, creampie, yuta is a virgin but thereâs no corruption kink, childhood bffs to strangers to lovers, men turning into putty, lowkey sub yuta, heâs just down bad for you, freaky ass perv yuta but he fries his very best to be respectful to you, reader is implied to have slightly bigger than average boobs but honestly interpret however youâd like, porn with some plot, not revised lol just horny as always
summary: itâs been a while since youâve seen your childhood best friend, yuta. you havenât seen him since he left high school to be a sorcerer and although you guys tried staying in touch in high school, you havenât heard a single peep from him after he left for africa. you understood him, mutually agreeing that you two were simply growing up and exploring new. however, when yuta comes back a new man, you canât help but feel new feelings growing
ââăťŕ¨ ⌠ŕ§ăťââ
youâd recently moved into a new apartment close to your new boring, but nicely paying, corporate job. on a random tuesday afternoon at the grocery store, you bump into a familiar face you hadnât seen in years, almost not even recognizing him.
âoh shit- iâm so sorry-,â you stumble backwards as you run into what seemed like a human lamp post when you look up to meet a familiar pair of black eyes, accompanied with eye bags. â.. yuta? is that you?â, you almost laugh at the situation, not believing your eyes. he had much longer hair now, deeper eye bags, but still had the same anxious eyes.
âow.. fuck, hey gummy bear, havenât seen you in a while,â yuta looks down almost embarassed from his absence. the nickname rolls off his tongue so easily, like it was naturally your name and it makes u slightly blush.
when you and yuta met as kids, he initially introduced himself only because he wanted one of your gummy bears since it was also his favorite snack. he didnât even learn your name until weeks after you guys were friends, only calling you gummy bear and the nickname sort of just stuck with him. the story always made you let out a dulcet sigh, cherishing the innocent memory.
âitâs not your fault, yuta!â you giggle, âi havenât been really reaching out either.. i guess weâre both busy. how about we uh, catch up?â you suggest.
ââăťŕ¨ ⌠ŕ§ăťââ
it had been a week since you and yuta had been reunited. and you slowly started to notice how attractive heâd grown to be. both you and yuta were sitting on the sole couch inside your nearly empty apartment, unpacked boxes littered everywhere as you procrastinated on putting everything together. enjoying each others presence as you both told stories about things that happened in your lives, you felt a sense of nostalgia washing over you, as if this was what you were missing for so long. you draped your legs over his lap as he lightly ran his hand over them like you guys would always do in high school. would this be something that only best friends did? probably notâŚ
âoh my gosh, yu!â, you gasped, almost wiping a tear away, âyou went through all of that? on your own?â. he stayed humble of course, shyly brushing it off as if it was no biggy.
he couldnât help but trail his eyes over to your tight shirt, encasing the tits that he had not noticed back in high school. he swallowed hard, darting his eyes back to your face. the face that had only grown more gorgeous as you moved into adulthood. have you always been so beautiful?
âcâmon, yu, letâs watch a movie, like old times?â, you laugh. he nervously nodded before you took your laptop, propping it on the coffee table since you havenât installed your TV yet. âsorry for the setup.. erm, well, i mean the lack thereoffâ.
ânah, itâs f-fine, gummy bearâ, he almost audibly gulped as he thanked god that you couldnât see him taking in the sight of your ass pointing at him as you bent over to put on a movie. were you doing this on purpose? yuta had never been the perverted type. hell, heâd never even been the romantic type. you were basically the only girlâ well, human girlâheâd been close to in his life. he averted his eyes as you turn back around. almost crying out loud as you cuddled into his lap, wrapping a blanket around both of you. like old times, right?
you enjoyed how tall yuta had grown (as well as the rest of him), resting your head in the crook of his neck as your back settled into his chest. âi hope this is comfortable, yu.. we havenât done this in a whileâ, you mumble, wiggling to get yourself comfortable as he bites his tongue, praying he didnât get a boner.
yuta instinctively wrapped his arms around your waist, nuzzling his face into your hair, subtly smelling it as he appreciated how your scent never changed. âmâokay, gummy bearâ.
you smiled faltered a bit, having a small realization and shifting slightly off of his lap and onto his thigh instead, facing him. âoh god, i really hope you donât have a girlfriend. we probably shouldnât be doing this if you do!â, you frantically panicked. yuta responded with a curt shake of his head, his body acting before his mind to pull you back onto his lap.
you sighed in relief, wiggling back to your comfortable spot with more of a bounce than you shouldâve. âoh thatâs a relief, yu. i really missed youâ, you mumbled, leaning back against his as your ass pressed against his groin, your hand subtly grazing his thigh. fuck, if he didnât have a boner before he definitely had one now.
he slightly shifted you by your waist with his big, lanky hands, praying to god that you didnât feel his boner. you did.
your eyes widened as you realized that he was getting turned on by whatever youâd been doing. yuta had never been inappropriate with you or even any other girl! your relationship was strictly platonic.. well until now. you wanted him to make up for lost time, for the years heâd been missing from your life. you were on a mission to make him snap.
âmmm, yuta, stop moving me..â you whined, âi was comfortable in my other spotâ. you bounced back, landing right on his bulge as he bit back a whine. âyu, whatâs in your pocket? i feel it against my butt..! you should probably take it out before i squish it or somethingâ, you tease , rubbing your ass so his cock would slide riiight in between your asscheeks.
when yuta looked down at the sight, he nearly came in his pants. his raging boner was in between your asscheeks which were held in the confines of your sweatpants, his hands gripping at your waist as you slightly rubbed against him. the blanket was covering you from the rest of the room, albeit empty, but it felt like he was a high schooler in their house trying to hide being fucking freaky from their family.
âg-gummy bear, please-â he was cut off by your hands moving up to cup your tits through your top, yuta almost, almost, gave them a squeeze but he held it in. you had no idea how much of a pervert he had become from seeing you again, pent up from years of no release and being a damn virgin his whole life.
âwhat, yu? donât wanna cuddle with your best friend?â you inquire, feigning innocent. he then felt your nipples pebbling up underneath his palm. he hadnât noticed earlier since itâd been slightly warm but fuck, you werenât wearing a bra. he threw his head back, feeling like he was a fucking lion clawing inside an enclosure. and you were damn determined to let him out.
you grabbed his hand again, manipulating the pads of his fingers to rub against your nipples through your painfully thin shirt. ânever fucked anyone while you were away, yu?â, you whispered as you felt him shake his head behind you.
âthought so. i mean, you can have all the practice you want with me.. right?â. before you could continue he yanked you up, manhandling you so you were pinned down on the couch.
âstop being a tease, gummy bear.. yâknow i missed you so much, shit.. and you have the gall to grind on my boner? knowing iâm a damn virgin?â he huffed, his face inches from yours, âplease, please, gummy bear. tell me you want this. tell me. if we do this weâll never be just friends again. please, babyâ, he whined.
you grabbed his face with both hands, crashing your lips into his. it felt like a century of pent up feelings had come breaking out like water from a dam. he humped you as if he was a fucking dog, moaning into the kiss. you flip over again, going on top of him as he admired how fucking sexy you looked, hair disheveled, lips slightly swollen, and your lip combo smudged. you scoot down slightly to tug against his pants, eyes widening as his erect, throbbing, cock springing out and slapping against his stomach with a slight pap.
you looked so damn hot and hungry, almost happily touching his cock, but before you could lean down to put your mouth on it, he grabbed your wrist.
âno, no, gummy bear, please, i want it first in your pussy, baby, pleaseâ. he sounded so good begging you took off your sweatpants faster than fucking barry allen. he threw his head back with a groan at the sight of your pussy, if he could, he would jump for joy right now but he was too focused on you.
ânext time, youâre sitting on my fucking face, gummy bearâ, he groaned. next time. you rubbed your pussy on his cock which laid flat against his stomach, his tip leaking precum on his toned abs.
âplease, baby, donât tease me. put it in..â he whined, his hand traveling down to rub at your clit and the other gripping your hip. with a small smile, you lean back, lining up his tip to your entrance, moaning as it caught onto your clit as you rubbed his cock over your hole.
âstop- fuckin teasing.â he grunted as his hips thrusted up, his cock entering your soaking wet pussy as you yelped. he was big. you had some experience with guys in college but no one ever could even reach his caliber of dick. you dropped down completely on his dick, feeling his balls against your ass and his public hair tickling your clit. you didnât even care that he wasnât trimmed and neither did he. fuck, he wouldnât even care if you had a whole forest, i mean, heâs a sorcerer, heâs supposed to explore territory thatâs unseen, right?
âfuck yes, yu! youâre so fucking big!â you yelp, beginning to move as you began to grind on his cock. slightly bouncing on it. yutasâs eyes trailed from your fucked out face to your pert tits, allll the way down to your pussy that had enveloped his dick. you almost wished you put some furniture out because all you could hear was the echos of your moans, yutaâs heaving breathing and whining, the squeaking of the couch, and the wet squelch of your pussy. you were definitely getting a noise complaint filed against you.
he thrusted up again and you let out an obscene whine, squeezing his dick which made him let out a loud, strangled moan. you peered down, noticing that he was starting to fucking cry from how good your pussy was.
ây-yu.. are you- ohh fuck, okay?â you bring your hand down to wipe his tears, peppering kisses on his face.
âs-such a good fucking- f.. FUCK.. pussy..â he groaned out, not even believing that his level of pleasure was possible. you were taken aback by his dirty words, but sighed in relief before he started to continuously thrust up, hitting your cervix over and over again.
yutaâs eyes wandered back to your tits, noticing that theyâd began to slip out of your skimpy top. with one hard thrust, he almost came on the spot when they bounced out of their confines, nipples erect as your tits jiggled perfectly.
âg-gummy bear youâre so.. shit- perfect!â he shoved his face in between your tits as you let out a strangled moan from the extra pleasure. âperfect fucking tits. made just for me. fuck, thank you for waiting for me.. for not dating some fucking loser⌠all for me, yeah? right, gummy?â he lost himself in between your boobs.
âall for you, yuta baby, all for you!â.
âfuck- FUCK- gummy bear, cum with me, i can feel your pussy clenching, please baby, please cum with meâ
he gave your tit one more sick before the coil in your stomach snapped, making you squirt for the first time in your life.
âfuck yes, gummy bear, squirt all over me, make a mess, baby yes, where do you want me?â
âi-inside please..â you were nearly crying as well from the overstimulation.
âdonât say that baby- fuck- you drive me crazy, gummy bear, iâm gonna cum in you, fuck yeah,â he groaned before thrusting up harshly one last time, his thrusts calming to slow, shallow humping. he pulled out, admiring how well your pussy took him as you whimpered from the new empty feeling. you huffed, thinking he was satisfied.
âyou didnât think i was done, right, gummy bear?â, he smiled, his almost eerie eyes peering up at you as he pulled you up, making you plop right on top of his face.
ââgotta keep my promise. my best friend was waiting for me at home all these years, after allâ
#yuta okkotsu x reader#yuta okkotsu#yuta okkotsu smut#jjk smut#jjk x reader smut#jjk x reader#yuta smut#needy men apocalypse#i love when men whimper#rina journal đ#okkotsu yuuta#yuuta x reader#yuuta okkotsu smut
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OIKAWA AS YOUR MUTUAL THAT YOU HATE IRL
oikawa x gender neutral reader
you and toru have been mutuals on twitter for almost a year as you both run and met through twice fan accounts. you talk to him more than your irl friends atp. on the other hand you and oikawa donât get along irl, as youâre both on opposing college teams and constantly competing for nationals. since then heâs always picked on you at games, but that all changes when you finally decide to meet your favorite oomf in person.
notes â karasuno is a mixed gender team in this to keep it gn, and instead of highschool these are college teams / the messages in the first section are like throughout the week before you two meet up
ooc idk? itâs been a while. assume everyone is 20ish, i cud make this a cute mini au one day but rn iâm lazy so this is fast paced
also hereâs the soobin version i wrote a while ago










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Your stomach was swarming with nerves as you made your way inside the cafe, the scent of freshly made coffee and sweaty college students from the stadium surrounding you as you slid into line. Admittedly, you never thought you'd get the chance to meet Toru, he was just your cute internet friend and nothing would ever happen.
That was, until today.
It was a bit embarrassing that you stared at the selfie he'd sent for longer than you should've. It was difficult to comprehend the boy you'd been talking to for so long was hiding such a pretty figure. Even with the emoji hiding his face you could tell he was cute.
You eye the display of cakes and decide to pick one up for the both of you as Toru had already promised to get you guys coffee. You felt bad going empty handed after finally meeting him.
You reach down to grab onto the last chocolate slice and your hands meet another. Usually, you'd let it slide and choose something else even though you touched it first. But, when you looked to your left and locked eyes with your self-proclaimed enemy, Toru Oikawa, those thoughts washed away. You were going to fight for that slice of mediocre cake.
"Not you again," Oikawa sighed, tugging the slice towards him, "Don't be obnoxious."
"Says you," you scoff, tightly grabbing onto the plate, "Why are you always so rude towards me? Is it because we annihilated you in the game?â
"You were just lucky," He grins, his large hands tugging the cake closer towards him, "Choose something else.â
"You choose something else. Losers donât deserve nice cake! I got to it first!â
"Ok and?" Oikawa questions, like the little shit he is.
"Fine, just take it," you sigh, not wanting to make Toru wait. Good Toru, not this evil one beside you. But as you let go of the cake and step back you notice Oikawaâs outfit. He was adorned in clothes that oddly resembled the photo Toru had sent you.
"You made me lose my appetite," Oikawa mutters, dropping the cake and shuffling past you. You shake off the familiarity and make your way towards the back. Most men wore the same clothes, it was nothing.
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__________________ ××ૢŕźŕźŕż
You eye the walls of the cafe until you come across the wooden tables from the photo.
You start scouring the seats for someone that resembled Toru but the only person in your vicinity was Oikawa.
You inch your way closer towards him with morbid curiosity, hoping that your suspicions would be proved wrong. But as you got closer the drinks on the table and location of your rival were too similar to the photo Toru had sent you.
Unfortunately, Oikawa locked eyes with you.
"What do you want? Are you here to apologize?" he questions, playing with the straw of his drink as he barely gave you a glance.
"Toru? From twitter?" you tentatively ask, your voice hoarse from the nerves. This couldn't be happening.
Oikawa pauses.
"What?" he slowly asks, turning to look at you, "What did you call me?"
"Oh my god," you gasp, "Are you ruluvyeon?"
"What..," he starts, catching on, "You're urmomoyn?"
Your username sounds foreign on his tongue but it was him. Oikawa was your Toru. Evil Toru was your sweet Toru.
Your beloved Toru was the same guy you've been on bad terms with all year. Just your luck.
Before Oikawa could comprehend anything or you could answer, you decide to do the most mature thing anyone would do in that situation.
You run.
And he doesn't follow.
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a week later



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The street was dark apart from the flickering lamps on the side of the walkway as you made your way towards Oikawa - or well Toruâs - house. It still felt odd.
Your palms felt clammy and you were clad in your pajamas, in too much of a rush to change. Which was a decision you were regretting since the flimsy fabric did nothing to protect you against the wind.
Before you knew it you spotted the complex Toru supposedly lived in, and as you walked closer you could see his tall figure waiting for you in the dark. It would've been rather creepy if not for the fact he was drowning in a large hoodie and sweats with a beanie tugged on his hair.
His arms were crossed across his chest as he rocked back and forth due to the cold.
You swallowed your nerves and made your way towards him, not quite knowing what to do with your hands other than give him an awkward wave as he spotted you.
"Hey," he breathed out, gesturing for you to follow him inside.
The warmth of his apartment was far more welcoming than the freezing night. He shut the door behind you both and tugged off his beanie as he gestured for you to sit down.
"Hi," you greeted back as you sank down on his couch. The entire place felt very lived in.
Toruâs face scrunched up into an sly smile.
"I missed you," you added, "I'm glad you reached out."
"I am too," he hummed, reaching out to take his hand into yours. His palms felt warm against your own freezing ones.
"What was your last text about?" you question as his thumb rubs circles on your palm.
"I don't know what youâre talking about?" he smiles, "What did I say?"
"You know damn well what you said," you huff.
"Okay, well I meant it," he answers, "I convinced myself to try and forget you since you were an online friend. But having you right in front of me changed things."
"Changed things how?" you say, warmth creeping up your cheeks.
"Well, for one I can actually see you," Oikawa notes, "And do things like this," he adds, his voice going quiet as he reaches over to push a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "And, instead of fantasizing about kissing you, I could actually do it."
"You fantasized about it?" you ask in disbelief, still flustered at the touch of his hand so close to your face "You didn't even know what I looked like!"
"You were kinda just a blob in my mind," he shrugs, a smile tilting his lips at your offended face.
"A cute blob though, right?â
"Of course."
âYou never imagined me as my icon?â
âOnly when you changed it to Gojo.â
âOh fuck off,â you laugh.
"So, you really don't hate me?" you muse, playing with his fingers, "It's so weird seeing you be so gentle."
"Would you rather me go back to being rude?" he replies, "But I really don't. I feel a shitty at how I used to treat you. You just get me riled up.â
"It's okay, I did the same," you assure, patting his hand, "Let's start fresh."
"Okay," he agrees, clasping your hand in between his, "Let's go out."
"Straight to the point?"
"I don't think we should waste any more time," he replies, âAnd my entire team thinks I made you up.â
âI need to make it up to you,â you sigh.
"Kiss me and consider yourself forgiven," Oikawa easily grins, looking at you with the usual look of arrogance he sends you through the net when he wishes you a terrible game. But this time it looks different. Like he wants you to win.
âAlright,â you manage to croak out, your throat closing up at your false confidence.
Honestly, you were qute irritated with yourself on how you treated Oikawa for the past few months. You desperately wanted to move on and start fresh.
Oikawa let out a surprised laugh and you wanted to ingrain the sound into your mind. He brought up his free palm to his mouth and let out a small giggle into it.
âGo ahead then,â he smiles.
"Okay," you manage to say, taking a deep breath.
"Any day now,â Oikawa smirks.
"Shut up, I need a moment-," you started, but were interrupted as he reached over and yanked on your top to slot his lips against yours. He stumbled and you both fell backwards onto the couch as he caught himself above you, both knees outside your hips as you snaked your hands around his waist.
He stared at your for a mere moment in disbelief before leaning down to capture your lips with his. His lips felt pillowy against your own and his warm body right on top of yours made it feel just as good.
You had to remind yourself not to laugh into the kiss.



#oikawa toru x reader#oikawa smau#oikawa x gender neutral reader#toru oikawa x male reader#oikawa x y/n#oikawa x reader#oikawa x you#oikawa tooru x you#oikawa toru smau#oikawa tooru x reader#oikawa texts#toru oikawa x reader#toru oikawa#haikyuu oikawa#oikawa headcanons#haikyuu smau#haikyuu x gender neutral reader#haikyuu x reader
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