#and all the emotional devastation they've both experienced

[fyrewalks]

me, playing mario kart like i didn't just write a bunch of angst and am now in my feels

[fruitgummies01]

What a way to end the first season of AYS!!

I don't even know if I can even put into words what I'm feeling after watching the last episode of Are You Sure. Grateful? Devastated? Sad? Overjoyed? None of those words do justice to my emotions and overall feelings.

What a beautiful way to end this first season. We really got to witness just how much Jimin and Jungkook mean to each other, and it really made it clear to me why they chose to enlist together and not be separated. I can't believe we as fans got to spend such a precious amount of time with jikook right before the start of their military service.

There were so many moments during this last episode that made me emotional. Jimin tearing up on his way to wake Jungkook up on their last day, Jungkook (who we've seen repeatedly enjoying his love for beer) choosing not to drink so that he could drive them to the airport (and have that alone time), jikook reacting to the first episode of AYS and laughing so hard (to the point that Jungkook had to keep wiping the tears from his eyes🥹), Jungkook trying to cheer Jimin up on that last day, Jungkook saying that these trips with Jimin were the best of his entire life 😭, and even the subtle touches. 😩

The car rides. They got to spend so much of their time in the car driving just the two of them since they were constantly saying out loud just how long their drives were, but we only got to see a few minutes of it. I love so much that they had that time just the two of them.

Jimin's absolute love for Standing Next to You is so amazing to see (and also understandable lol). He sings it in almost every episode. It says something about Jimin as a person that he is so selflessly supportive.

Jimin at the end talking about how impactful their trips were to him and how they made him appreciate things like this again. Jungkook wanting to go back to the first day of their trip 🥺. Like Are You Sure meant so much to both of them they even included a clip of them saying their phrase "Are You Sure" on enlistment day 😭.

I am so thankful that Jimin and Jungkook got to show these sides of themselves in AYS, in a way that's different and unique from all the other BTS content. I feel like I got to know them on a deeper level watching their interactions and experiencing some of the joy they were so clearly feeling. I hope Jimin and Jungkook know just how much fans enjoyed watching every minute of their show and the amount of happiness they've given to fans, and I hope they decide to keep the same format going forward with future seasons!! 💜❤️

[extremeexhaustion]

GO Season 2 Ending Re-Analysis

I'm more experienced now and we've all had time to look over more details involved in the scenes. Let's do this boys.

Important Note: Neither Aziraphale nor Crowley are in the wrong. Remember, as the audience we know more details than either character. They reacted as most would with the knowledge that they have.

First thing, as I said in my last post, what Aziraphale and Crowley are dealing with is not your annoying, conservative family. It is a cult and Jim Jones just showed up to take our angel back. The Metatron, based off the comment he made in Nina's shop, offered Aziraphale an ultimatum: coffee or death. Come work for us again or I kill you both. Something that Azi knows full well that he would do without hesitation.

Our angel is being put in a corner and has no other recourse. Running won't help, they can't possibly fight all those angels with just the two of them, and there's no-where to hide. In Azi's eyes, the only way to survive is to submit and hope that if Crowley comes with him that they would figure something out together. I do not believe that Azi actually wants to go back to Heaven, not when he bluntly said 'no' initially to the Metatron's offer. And why would he? Why would he leave Earth, Crowley, his humans, his bookshop? Sure, he says that nothing lasts forever, but the Metatron is directly next to the door and listening closely. Speaking freely is not an option at that moment. Not when an existential threat is lingering nearby.

To Crowley, he has no clue about the discussion that the two Heavenly beings had. He isn't aware of the immediate threat, only the lingering one of their old sides in general. So, he is put-off and extremely confused by Azi's behavior because, again, he doesn't realize that there is an immense threat standing right outside. He thinks that they won. That they can be together now. So, naturally he is hurt when Azi asks him to go to Heaven together. The excuse hurts even more because it implies that Azi doesn't want him as a demon. The kiss was a desperate last-resort to show his feelings as Crowley has always struggled with words. The response that Azi has to do because of the threat is taken with hurt and our demon leaves. An important note is that Crowley likely expected free honesty because that's what they've gotten used to with each other over the few years of peace.

The most important point of this whole thing is that they are both devastated. Aziraphale is better at hiding his turmoil behind a mask when Metatron shows up because he's been doing it for 6000 years. Crowley's emotional state is a bit clearer because he hasn't needed to hide his state as much with Hell being so hands-off. Regardless, they were both left in broken, upset states. Clearly, neither of them wanted this outcome.

And no, I do not believe that anyone was hypnotized, mind controlled, drugged, or anything. I believe that this was a misunderstanding born of both underestimating the other and not being able to speak freely with each other because their existences were being threatened at that moment with one being aware of it & the other being unaware.

@theladydrgn @sylwritesstuff

Requesting second and third opinions

[cntarella]

Title: Brokeback Mountain Author: Annie Proulx Publication: October 1997 Genre: Contemporary Fiction, Western Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Review: A short, spare little story that absolute guts you with the most devastating emotions you have ever experienced. I think most people already know what Brokeback Mountain is about, but in case you do not: This is the story of Ennis del Mar and Jack Twist, who met each other while performing seasonal work at a ranch tending sheep on the titular mountain. They are hard men — aggressive, full of machismo, and have lived lives already full of loss. That summer of isolation brings them closer, casually at first, and then spirals into an intimacy that neither can forget for the next 20+ years — an intimacy that they spend the rest of their lives chasing and chasing away by turns.

There is a lot to love about this story. On a surface level, Annie Proulx has such wonderful descriptive language. Her prose really shines in these elaborate descriptions of the landscape ("The sooty bulk of the mountain paled slowly until it was the same color as the smoke from Ennis's breakfast fire. The cold air sweetened, banded pebbles and crumbs of soil cast sudden pencil-long shadows and the rearing lodgepole pines below them massed in slabs of somber malachite." & "Stars bit through the wavy heat layers above the fire.") that felt almost romantic, standing in stark opposition to the lives that Ennis and Jack both led, and the kinds of men they grew up to be ("both high school dropout country boys with no prospects, brought up to hard work and privation, rough-mannered, rough-spoken, inured to the stoic life"). It sets up Brokeback Mountain as some sort of idyllic place, pastoral in both the literal and figurative sense, as only in that utter remove from civilization with only sheep for company could they allow themselves to truly want each other without restraint.

But Proulx is a more subtle writer than that. Even on Brokeback Mountain, neither Ennis nor Jack can truly escape the judgement of their society. There is a sort of inescapable surveillance — from other men, from their wives, and from themselves — that makes this tragedy almost inevitable, no matter how much effort they make to keep it secret, as if that will keep them safe. Their expressions of desire are all muddled up with expressions of violence, desire almost as an analogue for violence (or is it the other way around?) that seeps through this pastoral landscape that they've made for themselves.

There is this interesting question that Proulx poses about what "living freely" truly means, with these characters who embody that American cowboy spirit of independence and rugged individualism, that idea that freedom is as easy as riding off into the west — but what does that mean when you carry the constraints and prejudices of society inside you no matter where you go? I really loved Jake Gyllenhaal's commentary on the film, for which he and Heath Ledger did some research on the kinds of books Proulx read in order to write this story. He said that it almost felt like these characters did not even know what "gay" was, and I certainly felt that in my reading experience. At the very least, they had a conception of queerness that they held themselves apart from and could not see themselves as belonging to (again, back to that image of the American cowboy spirit) even when they were "truly" free up on Brokeback Mountain.

Overall, incredible character work! My night was absolutely ruined when I finished this and I will never be okay again. 10/10 no notes.

[deltadex]

(Be prepared, this is a brain dump)

I can't stop thinking about the fact that the emotional turmoil is going to be through the roof next season, especially for Vi and Caitlyn. During their struggle to de-escalate the war they've found themselves in, the mini-battles taking place in the back of their minds will be just as alive.

It only hit me now how much Caitlyn has been through in such a short time. She survived two explosions, witnessed many of her work colleagues die (which I assume is the first time she has experienced death), was taken hostage twice (first by Ekko then Jinx), and had her life threatened several times (e.g. held at gunpoint). I imagine it's still to hit her too...

And then there's the chance her mother won't survive the attack on the council, which will leave her devastated, if not in denial. The fact that it's caused by Vi's sister only makes this more complex and difficult to accept. The same person Caitlyn let Vi go after on the bridge, the same person she didn't want to sell out to the council, and the same person she chose not to incapacitate at the tea party. I don't think Caitlyn is going to become driven by revenge and try to kill Jinx, but I can definitely see her lose her cool.

Meeting Vi and getting to see the Undercity somehow became both a blessing and a curse, and I think it's possible she'll act upon the frustration caused by the circumstances they find themselves in. Thinking about this now it doesn't seem so unrealistic that we will see a Caitvi interaction "we'll probably hate" (e.g. Caitlyn lashing out at Vi. Nevertheless, I think she'll realise pretty soon afterwards that Vi isn't to blame for the mess their in).

Next season is where Caitlyn's character arc is really going to gain traction and I'm excited (and frankly scared) to see "a different side of her".

Vi also has her own struggles leading into season 2. She'll still be reeling from seeing her sister choose to walk away from her. The hope of "getting Powder back", the only thing on her mind for the past seven years, was shattered in an instant. On top of all this there's the huge possibility of Warwick (AKA Vander) being thrown into the mix. Finding out Vander is alive will rock Vi to her core and add to the barrage of emotions she won't have the time to feel.

(Sidenote: There's so much chaos going on already with the war and now there's possibly gonna be a blood-thirsty werewolf-man on the loose too? What a curveball! )

Besides Caitlyn and Vi's individual struggles, there's also the unresolved tension between them after the "Oil and water" scene. They don't quite know where they stand with each other, and I'm really curious to see how soon they'll address it.

Then there's the fact that Caitlyn probably overheard everything at Jinx's tea party before she was wheeled in, and just thought: "You were right Vi. I don't know anything about you." Up to this point she knew very little about Vi's past, and she still doesn't have the full picture.

Caitlyn is inquisitive, sometimes to a fault (e.g. "How do you not know if your sister is alive or dead?" "What, you don't have parents?"), and I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted some answers after everything she just heard. And even if Vi would rather forget about the past and avoid talking about it, Warwick is going to arrive and open up those old wounds. When she recognizes him, she's going to be distressed and Caitlyn's going to want to know why. This could lead to some heated conversations, especially if Vi is reluctant to share and Caitlyn is insistent on asking questions.

At this point, everything is happening at such a fast pace that they won't have the opportunity to have the heart-to-hearts (and mental breakdowns) they so desperately need. In some ways, their internal struggles are just as difficult to address as their external ones, and once they're able to reinstill peace in their world, they'll have no choice but to face them (you could only hope Arcane will be kind to us and have them crying in each other's arms by the end of the season)

There's this simple, great quote from Helen LaKelly Hunt: "Conflict is growth trying to happen", which is a really positive way to see Caitlyn and Vi's situation. I'm optimistic that if they overcome these challenges, they will not only grow as individuals, but will end up with a relationship that's stronger than they ever imagined.

Anyway, thanks for reading my brain dump ❤

[whitedragoncoranth]

Life On Knowhere 5

While Rocket and I were relaxing at my apartment one day - he was curled in my lap and I was petting him as he dozed - suddenly, the door was thrown open and Peter Quill stormed in, startling us both! I flinched and Rocket snapped awake as Quill - eyes bloodshot and reeking of alcohol - pointed his Spartoi Quad Blasters at me and snarled, "What'd you do to Rocket?!"

Rocket and I looked at each other, confused. Then, returning my attention to Quill, I replied, "I don't know what you mean. I haven't 'done' anything to Rocket as far as I know, unless you count me petting him and helping him relax and get some downtime between missions…"

"DON'T GIMME THAT SHIT, TERRAN!" Quill slurred. "When he was aboard with us last time, Rocket was NICE! ROCKET DOESN'T DO 'NICE'; HE'S… HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A RUDE, NASTY, SNARKY ASSHOLE… HE'S GOTTA… HE'S SUPPOSED TO… TO… HE'S…!"

My attention fully on a drunken, maddened Peter Quill, I felt Rocket shift about, wrap his arms about me. I let my gaze fall on him for just a moment… and a moment was all it took. 'Old' Rocket would have been furious - would have chewed Quill out, told him to get his drunk ass the hell out of our place and sober the hell up - but 'new' Rocket… The little Raccoon was devastated by what Quill was saying his expression downturned, eyes tearing up, miserable, full-on emotional, the walls down.

"Excuse me?!" I barked back at Quill even as he had fingers on triggers. "Who the fuck are you to dictate how Rocket can or can't act when he's off duty, not on mission?! The only one who can decide what he does is ROCKET, not you, not me, not anyone else. Mate, people change! People change all the time throughout their lives, and Rocket opening up and becoming nicer is, as far as I'm concerned, only a good thing, for him and everyone else. Get your wretched ass out of here and sober the fuck up!" With that, I ignored Quill and hugged Rocket, kissed him on the head as he wept silently.

"You…!" Quill slurred, "You've CHANGED HIM, you've… he's NOT SUPPOSED TO CHANGE… I don't… I don't want him to change; he can't… he CAN'T…!" And though I was no therapist, or psychologist… the gears clicked into place in my head.

"Oh, Quill… You witnessed your mother die. When one experiences trauma, the brain gets locked at the age and state when the trauma was experienced. You… deep inside you're still a child, a young boy that never grew up. And children don't deal well with change." Rocket, who'd stilled and stopped weeping, looked up at me in awe and wonder as certain things he'd experienced and done in his life now suddenly made sense as to why -- but then all was lost as Quill roared with anger and fired his blasters…

But the semi-sentient Spartoi weapons refused to function; they didn't work as if they knew to fire on me and Rocket was wrong! Utterly incensed, Quill tossed the weapons aside, leaped towards where I sat with Rocket, arms outstretched -- but then the man was stumbling back as Rocket snarled furiously and belted him in the face, breaking his nose! A moment later, Quill recovered, charged, stumbled towards us again--but the Quad Blasters - possessed of alien will - flew into MY hands, primed and activated, set to stun!

"Leave, Quill," I stated coldly, pointing them at him even though my body was shaking like a leaf. "Now!"

"Not without my weapons!" Quill snarled, hands clenching into fists. "Gimme those!"

Fleetingly I thought to do so - but a feeling of wrongness filled my thoughts, as well as flickers, flashes, of the devastating damage Quill could do with them whilst drunk. I looked at them in my own hands… and a warmth filled my being. It was as if… the weapons themselves had had enough of Quill and his antics and had decided to start anew. In addition, at Quill's snarl, Rocket immediately shook his head and, absolutely trusting him, I stated, "No. No, I won't. I… I'm not sure, but… I don't think they're yours anymore. They've chosen a new wielder."

"YOU…! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" Quill howled -- but that was as far as it went; the Spartoi weapons fired low power electric shots of their own accord and - letting them do their thing - I watched as Quill was harried out of my apartment under a hail of shock-bolt fire, the last shots hitting the clasp of the blasters' holster and Quill's belt as he fled, his pants down around his ankles. A final shot hit the apartment door lock, fusing it temporarily; the blasters making us 'safer' in their own way; then I heard Quill hurl his guts up into a trashcan as Rocket grimaced and looked away.

"Disgusting…" I murmured, gently setting the Quad Blasters on an end table, within easy reach, contentment from them filling my thoughts. Stunned by all that had happened, I turned to Rocket, who was looking back and forth between me and the Spartoi Quad Blasters with wide-eyed wonder. "What… what the hell are those things?" he breathed, awed. "How did they…?! Why did they…?! You… You ain't Spartoi, like Quill! Are you?!"

"No!" I answered. "As far as I know, I'm not; just an ordinary Terran here, little man, and that's what I've always been. I guess… you don't have to be Spartoi to use them? The weapons can choose anyone to be their wielder?" At my words, alien warmth and contentment from said weapons filled my thoughts again; I was right.

A short while later, still processing what had happened, with near-mechanical movement we cleaned up the mess left behind from the encounter with Peter Quill and the firing of my new weapons. After placing the holster for said weapons on Rocket's work bench, so that he could adjust the fit for me later, we fell onto my bed, gazing at each other. As the adrenaline wore off Rocket pressed himself against me, moulded himself against my chest as I held him, squeezed him gently, buried my nose into his thick, plush fur as our tears flowed.

"… he tried to… he almost… he was gonna…!" Rocket rasped, his little body quivering as I nodded into his fur. A noise came from the little Raccoon, then, something I never thought I'd ever hear from him: the 'baby' noise that sort of meant, 'I'm small' or 'don't hurt me'; a sound that male raccoons often made around females so the big females might leave them alone. In this case, however, the sound meant that poor Rocket was just overwhelmed. No sooner had the sound left him then his body shook as he cried silently, his tears bringing about my own and we cried together until we fell asleep.

The next morning, Drax, of all people, gently knocked on the apartment door and announced himself. When Rocket bade him come in, the Kylosian man took one look at us then got us out of bed and into the apartment bathroom where - to our embarrassment - he gently washed our faces with a warm washcloth. After that, he cooked us the most delicious breakfast we'd ever eaten in our lives before he sat with us on the apartment sofa and quietly asked, "What has happened David and Rocket? Why did you both look like you had been crying? Please explain."

We did, and as we haltingly told him of Peter Quill's invasion of our home and what he'd angrily said to us both, Drax's expression grew grim, darker and darker, until his fists were clenched and he seethed with quiet fury. "You two will stay here," the Kylosian stated gently. "Nebula and I will deal with Peter Quill. He will be made to answer for this…" Shortly thereafter, he left, but before he did, he hugged us both, gentle and fatherly. Then he was gone, and we were alone once more. Rocket raised his hands - the gesture for 'up!' - and I did; picking him up, I took him back to bed and we crawled in under the duvet and cuddled until we were both warm and Rocket was purring. "Whaddya think Drax and Nebs are gonna do to Quill?" the little Raccoon finally asked.

"… I dunno, Little Roo," I answered. Rocket snorted laughter at the affectionate name, yet his eyes went a little misty, and he cuddled closer to me as I continued, "… but whatever they do to him, I hope it's something really embarrassing or humiliating! That's the least he deserves after what he did last night!" Now Rocket cackled, the sound mischievous, one paw clenched into a fist as he stared off into the distance for a moment, his cybernetic mind cooking up all-manner of cruel, unusual, and utterly humiliating punishments! A moment later, he replied, "Well, whatever they come up with, it better be really flarkin' good!"

[sleepytyrtle]

After watching today's Sams episode, I have some things to say.

This episode felt... weird to me. I mean, Moon was worried about Sun after that phone call they had in that previous epsiode and he was already talking about how he was going to help Sun through whatever was going on. However, today's episode opened with him hesitant on finding Sun and eager to distract himself from the problem.

Honestly, it felt a bit out of character to me.

Watching this episode made me feel like I was watching a Moon from the beginning of the show. Before his character development and further bonding with Sun, I could totally see Moon doing something like this.

And that isn't a problem!

It's actually a good way to develop a character and, oddly enough, express his concern, albeit in a weird way. He's going out of his way to seek advice from others so he can help Sun. That's not the problem for me.

The problem here is that it feels out of character for Moon to do now given all the development and growth he has been through.

However, I think it's totally fine to have him hesitate on finding his brother because he's worried and probably scared that he could screw this up. Moon obviously struggles with emotions and stuff despite all his character growth and he's probably scared of hurting Sun or pushing him away or something. He has no idea what's going on with Sun and not knowing how to help someone you care about who's going through something rough can be terrifying.

I can totally understand why he would seek out some help or guidance from other people to help with this situation. I just find it weird he's doing it right now while Sun could possibly get hurt. I just struggle to wrap my head around Moon seeking help right now instead of charging after his brother when it comes to the chance his brother might get hurt.

So, in my honest opinion, I think this episode is just a way to extend the current arc a bit or to give them more time to plan it out. That's not a bad thing either! They're free to keep this going however long they want, I just find it a bit odd for Moon's character to do now given the situation.

Now, after all that being said, i want everyone to know I'm not villainizing Moon or his actions here, not at all! In fact, as I've stated before, I could totally understand why Moon would do this and it's not a bad thing.

I see a lot of fans debating on Sun and Moon when it comes to their trauma and actions. I think it's important for everyone to remember that it shouldn't matter which brother has "had it worse". Trauma is different for everyone and should be taken seriously no matter how "silly" or "light" the trauma may seem. It's not alright to compare trauma because it can be damaging to do so.

Imagine telling somebody about a horrible thing you've been through and having them tell you that it's nothing compared to what they've been through. It can be devastating.

I just think it's important to remember that Sun and Moon are different characters that are experiencing different things and, therefore, have different types of trauma. Both characters suffer from it and are doing their best to overcome it. With that being said, it can also be difficult for both brothers to be understanding or supporting of each other 24/7 since, again, they deal with their own things and won't fully understand each other.

Healing isn't linear or perfect. These characters will make mistakes, hurt each other, and say some hypocritical things. That's just how it is. Also, it's a roleplay so thing's aren't consistent or accurate most of the time.

It's important we remember that and just stick with these characters as they grow.

Sorry I went into a bit of a tangent there! I just think it's important we remember the characters are growing at their own pace and working through their own trauma.

Also, this recent episode just has me feeling worried and excited for whatever comes next!

[breezypunk]

15, 17, 20 and 21 💌

Thankie! <3

Questions here

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15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

First is Ozeanblau by Ambyion. It's my favorite song. However that song was playing when I created Vaughn, which made it important to start with. Than when I started shipping him with Goro I created a HC in which whenever Vaughn's anxiety is really bad, Goro will play the song and dance with Vaughn until his panic attacks went away. It works like a charm every time. Since than that song has been incredibly important, not only to me but to them as well.

However the #1 song that reminds me of their relationship the most is Soul of the Beautiful by The Veer Union. That's their number one ship song in my shippy playlist too, haha. This song has so much meaning to their story, one I never dabbled into too much for various reasons. In my HC when Goro had to leave Vaughn for 6 months and go back to Japan, Vaughn was devastated, but music was his cure and this was the song he dedicated to Goro while he was gone. Not to mention the lead singer is the voice claim I use for Vaughn's own singing voice, so it's like Vaughn is singing it directly to Goro.. which makes it even more special. It's been their song since the moment I heard it. :)

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17. How well do they communicate? Are they open with their feelings/thoughts or more reserved? Why?

Towards the beginning they were both fools who had no idea how to communicate. Neither of them were experienced in falling in love or real committed relationships. So they were both just disasters (hence their old ship name ehehe). It took them a while to feel comfortable opening up about certain topics, and that's not to say they didn't trust each other, because they learned very early on they could trust one another, but to express their emotions and feelings on an intimate level made them both super nervous, and made things awkward sometimes. But awkward in a cute way ;p They had so much to learn, and they've come such a long way. Now they both can't shut up about their feelings.

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20. How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

The most effective way to comfort Vaughn when he's upset is to just sit with him in silence. Don't talk, just sit. Goro learned this early on, sometimes he can't help but touch Vaughn or hug him if he's having a super bad day, but mostly Goro's presence alone is all the comfort Vaughn needs.

Goro absolutely craves touch when he's having a bad day or is upset, and Vaughn can happily oblige. Curled up on the couch or on the bed, entangled with each other and just letting the sadness fade away, sometimes they'll even end up falling asleep this way, and than Goro will wake up in a better mood.

For both, just them being there is comfort, it's home.

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21. Do they enjoy domestic life?

Vaughn never thought the day would come when he'd say yes, but.. yes.

Having a partner you can do random everyday little things with around the house is so much fun to him. Doing laundry together? Yeah! Dishes together? You betcha!

Okay maybe not those..

But simply just walking around the apartment and giving each other little kisses on the forehead or cheek when they pass each other, or just sitting on the couch watching cringey movies, or even cleaning the apartment in detail together. Cooking dinner together is when Vaughn really knew he was enjoying the domestic life. Goro is such a huge flirt in the kitchen, and Vaughn dies every time. The small things that make them go "damn, we're really in it now.. for the long haul". Blissful feeling.

[unreales]

𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄 & 𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

*rolls in like james bond* hey besties! you can call me clea (she/her, 21+) and i could not be more hype to be joining you all! spy / secret agent rps are some of my favorite subgenres, and i've had so much fun building up this muse so far & i can't wait to meet her fellow agents! you can find a pretty thorough idea of real (ironic tbh) in the pages linked above, but i also have some facts and wanted plots below! you can consider this a plot call as well, just interact with this post somehow and i'll dm you! we could also exchange discords if you're more comfortable that way ♡

meet praewa laithomya, better known by her thai nickname: real! she was introduced to aegis international through her father who has ties to the powers that be as a former high ranking thai royal navy admiral and current thai ambassador to korea.

her mother is also no slouch, being a famous thai socialite and direct relative to the former prime minister, and the two would rub elbows with the patrons of the obsidian lounge in hopes they would climb the social ranks quickly.

her older brother was also an agent, though he passed away around the time real completed her own training. it devastated her of course, but she's the type to deal with emotional things in private while publicly carrying on with her life.

nearly seven years have passed since her training was completed, and real has been a valued agent with aegis international ever since. she's known as agent venus, so christened due to her tendency to use her seductive wit to extract information.

she's an expert liar, charming as hell and something of an intangible concept. she keeps a lot of personal details close to the vest, even when it comes to fellow agents. this is due to a multitude of reasons, the main two being: it's a defense mechanism as she's experienced a tough loss already, and it's excellent practice for her work in the field.

that said, she's always very charismatic and friendly, showing interest in the people around her and caring very deeply about the wellbeing of her fellow agents. she worries a lot when other agents get hurt or are in danger and is constantly losing the idgaf war in those moments.

she's also very diplomatic and is careful to remain neutral when internal conflicts arise. she's a rather adept problem solver when it comes to disagreements between agents, especially in the field. she's often brought in to mediate heated arguments which can happen pretty easily in such high stress situations.

she's kinda giving bond girl vibes? very intelligent and sultry and kind of dreamy, but hard to place at the same time.

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄. despite the depiction of them given, these two aren't romantically involved at all, but they work together so closely and so often, they've become the best of friends within the agency. pairing them up on the same mission usually has top notch results, as they play off one another so well.

𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒. you and real went through the rigorous training for aegis international at roughly the same time, so you've seen real at emotional lows no other people have which makes her feel sort of strange around you. it's almost as if you know some horribly dark secret about her, despite it all being perfectly reasonable.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊. though it was but for a short time, you worked alongside real's brother pim towards the end of his life. you were even on the mission where he ultimately succumbed to his injuries. ever since then, real has looked to you as an important link to something she's lost, and enjoys spending a large chunk of her free time with you.

𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒. passing glances and kindred eye rolls were essentially the bulk of your relationship with real when she'd first moved to seoul, as you were both often dragged to boring galas and dinners by your equally influential families. now that you're both adults and working for aegis, you've been catching up on each other's current lives.

𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄. a mutual friend within the agency decided it would be absolutely hilarious to intentionally set you and real up on a 'blind' date, despite the fact that you are very much familiar with each other. in fact, you've never really gotten along that well, even with real's sparkling mediation skills. when you realize the situation you're in after arriving to the date, neither of you are sure where to go from there.

𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒. you and pim had made countless promises to each other about the future and were deeply in love at the time of his passing. you still keep the ring he gave you as an intention of marriage, as it's extremely hard to let go of. you can't help but see real as a constant reminder of what you lost and still find it somewhat difficult to be around her even all these years later. (muse must currently be 32 - 38 yrs old)

more coming soon!

[gruusha]

aloe : how does your muse handle grief ?

---------------- 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟 ?

quietly, like snow falling at night. exacerbated by the inherent difficulty grusha has to express their feelings (not an uncommon symptom in those with kleinfelter's syndrome), they struggle to cope with grief in a manner that is meaningful, effective in the long-term, and healthy. the environment they were raised in / had to return to immediately following injury was ill-suited for adequately supporting someone experiencing loss of limb, a stressful & devastating happening for anyone. it is not difficult to imagine this environment only served to worsen grusha's ability to handle grief in a beneficial manner.

the first & only true grief grusha has ever experienced is the loss of his leg. though he will not deny the blessing in knowing only one instance of grief -- as usually by his age people have lost pokemon, grandparents, or other members of their family -- he will equally not deny the hardship it has brought him in all aspects of his life: physical, social, emotional. the grief of limb-loss is a multifaceted hurdle, with aspects that perhaps cannot all be addressed at once but instead one at a time; each aspect must be allowed to maneuver through the five stages of grief.

denial / anger / bargaining were the most difficult for grusha to work through. in the present day, six years later, grusha is still susceptible to getting lost in "would have, could have, should have --" thoughts regarding the events / actions / decisions they made leading up to their catastrophic accident. though they accept the fact multiple poor choices culminated in that fateful night, they have not forgiven themselves -- nor do they plan to. this readily gives rise to anger when grusha allows himself to linger on such thoughts more than fleetingly, or if he is forced to.

grusha avoids acknowledging his feelings, particularly regarding the responsibility he feels. just because he has accepted the role he played in leading to his injury does not mean he looks to the other side & is able to release the self-directed hatred for it. he has never once sought counseling for the matter, and instead bottled everything up inside of him.

it goes without saying, this has led to their severe anxiety, depression, and overall lack of drive when interacting with the world. although grusha is determined to halt as many challengers as possible on their treasure hunt (should it involve gym challenges), they cling to their prowess in pokemon battling because it is all they perceive as having left. they do not feel that rush of adrenaline or genuine joy from having companions battle others & devising new tactics... they do not experience the joy of toppling an opponent in battle / instead feel nothing but relief that they've not given the league a reason to revoke their status... they cannot bear the thought of being pushed away from being a gym leader, as they perceive that to be the only thing they have left to offer the world.

grusha has not found a purpose, nor set meaningful goals for themselves. optimism is something far out of reach for one who has adopted practicality, and part of grusha's solution for coping with his loss included losing contact with friends & family alike; it was not a malicious severance of bonds, but instead a quiet drift apart born purely of a desire to self-isolate.

this desire was underscored by the fact grusha's self-image fragmented & suffered upon losing his leg, rendering him with a complex cocktail of emotions he was only able to drown in endlessly, and remain unable to adequately express. he dislikes his appearance both when wearing a leg and with not, so it's ultimately a lose-lose.

it has been six years, but grusha is still hurting. part of them has healed; part has not.

the full extent of the grief he experienced then has not been properly addressed, nor coped with, and as such it has not been allowed to dissipate. instead, it has been pushed under the metaphorical rug & ignored.

[lisxdumbr]

LIS!! I was about to come here to cry about yuuta bcs i missed him this is a great opportunity qwq

the question itself is whats your thoughts on how the others in the cast would react to yuutas shift in personality!! its not the exact term i would use to describe his recent doings but ig thats how it would seem from outside so

just. im actually such a sucker for outside povs it always gives such nice perspective for characters its one of my favorites <3 i also love him so its a great mashup i would say

-🌟

HELLOOO STARRY. thank you for always saving me in these cases <3 both of us miss him, good timing then.

THIS ended up being long, looong as always. I'm sorry I can't help it, but I hope you enjoy.

“Yuutakun Yuutakun, what have you become..?” thoughts

Replying to your question. hmmm, I think it depends on the person. Undead were definitely the beta testers already, alongside Hinata.

Let's see, Yuta used to be perceived as "one of the twins" just like that. And the twins were perceived as poor and miserable by all the yumenosaki students after Setsubun. You know how Mika says that it's "his duty to look after them" because it's a collective agreement in yumenosaki? As for the people close to him, I think they've always perceived him as a calm but cheery person except when it comes to Hinata. Everyone who has been 5 minutes talking to him should be able to notice that there's always this little pinch of boiling rage when something has to do with Hinata.

Now, as for the recent.. meltdown and explosion of personality, we have three phases. Entering the darkness (sandstorm), walking that dark tunel without hopes of finding the exit (mirage), finding the exit and being able to see outside's light again (love letter).

Many characters experienced a phase of it already, we could even claim that everything started in nightclub and everything, but that was just a brief moment. A brief taste that Rinne offered him so that he could see the world through his eyes.

I think Yuta is very conflicted himself, that's why he keeps deprecating and carrying burdens (please take him to therapy I am begging) BUT OK, moving to what's important, what's everyone reaction to this? how do they feel?

Starting with undead in sandstorm, we saw them raging and confused about his actions. Specifically Koga who was a step away from throwing hands. I believe Rei is the most important key in all this, since he felt hurt more than anything else. I believe Rei not only felt betrayed but felt like he did something wrong, since y'know, he 'raised' the twins in yumenosaki. This idea is further expressed in Love Letter, where he finally understands that Yuu is just.. changing, but that he isn't alone.

Speaking of, Hinata is devastated. Hinata has lived that change right before his eyes and he's absolutely terrified that he will loose Yuta. I spoke about this in my little liveblog of Love Letter when it dropped, but the twins are in a very unstable place. For Yuta to be happy, he needs to separate himself from Hinata, but this is exactly what will end up hurting Hinata, so now Yuta is growing while his brother is sinking in depressive thoughts all over again (at least Wataru helped a bit with that and thank god).

We see a couple more characters who witness the process. Shinobu? Absolutely terrified too. Shinobu, despite being Yuta's best friend, knows little to nothing about his true self, his true feelings. Seeing his friend get corrupted by those emotions scares him and also hurts a lot. He said it in Mirage even, he just wants Yuta to open up and trust him and understand that he isn't alone, but again, Yuta was in a blinded state of mind in which the pain overcame him and didn't listen at all.

I believe. the only person who took this positively has been Rinne. Rinne is. very very proud of him. Rinne is happy that his advice was able to reach him. He took the father figure that Rei previously had and embraced it. Rinne, despite his personality, truly cares about the ones he loves, so I think it's pretty normal that he feels proud and tries to help Yuta in his journey, specially when he sees himself reflected on him (yeahh read hotlimit).

ANYWAY. I would love to see Sora's opinion though, I'd love to see if his color has changed though I know that if it did, Hinata is going to cry and I do not want that.. but ! He's growing, I'm very proud of him.

[holy-weak]

i distinctly remember you liking snarry. do you happen to be in possession of any fic recs you'd be willing to share? if not, i totally understand and hope you're having a nice day

Dear god do I love snarry. It's been my otp for well over a decade, despite the fact that I've never written a single word for it. (Maybe someday that will change? I hope so.)

Sometimes I feel like I've read everything there is to read, but eventually there always comes more. Suffice it to say, I've read a lot of snarry. My favorites, though, are pretty popular, and they've changed as I've aged. (Adolescent me was ready to die for SnapesFavorite to finish In This World For You.) Now, however, my top 5 in no particular order...

⚡@perverse-idyll , The White Road.

One day, comfortably set up in the afterlife, Lily Evans Potter switches on the telly and gets hooked on the Harry Potter show.

I read this again very recently and everytime it tears me apart. I also very much enjoyed listening to perverse_idyll talk about this work on the @fanficmaverickpodcast . She speaks just as brilliantly as she writes, and having more insight into this treasure of a fic was so cool to hear.

⚡@liladiurne , Brighter Than Bright.

England, 1814. At twenty years old, Harry Weasley is a clever, if somewhat sheltered Omega who has hardly ever left the small town of Hogsmeade, where he grew up. He would not say that he is lonely, just that the days are too long. Now that most of his siblings have moved on, Harry occupies his time the best he can while dreaming of London high society. Nothing much interests him apart from his books and the letters he receives from his brothers, so when the news arrives that the Longbottom heir has returned to take ownership of his father’s estate, Harry doesn’t make much of it. After all, it couldn’t possibly affect him. Nor could the arrival of a certain Mr Snape, the rude and arrogant Alpha who deems Harry “barely tolerable.” No, none of that could possibly affect Harry’s life, could it?

Why yes, this is the Pride and Prejudice inspired a/b/o snarry fic you’ve all been secretly craving!

I'm not usually one for a/b/o fics, but I do love a good Pride & Prejudice AU, so it won me over immediately. Currently a WIP, but don't let that discourage you. LilaDiurne is a master and she'll surely deliver. (It does have a fun little spot of Harry/Lucius, which I'm almost sorry wasn't the main pairing for this fic!)

⚡mia_ugly's entire collection of work... but okay I want to talk about However I Fall.

In one timeline, Severus lives. In the other, he dies.

In both, he falls in love.

So. This fic was originally published in 2015 and I have been thinking of it ever since. It is, unfortunately, a WIP, but any shred of a sentence written by mia_ugly is worth experiencing at least a dozen times. I know the phrase is cliché, but she's genuinely one of those writers where I'd read her grocery list. I read her entire HP collection at least once a year. Like all of her work, However I Fall is devastating and gorgeous and so full of heart.... God I wish it was finished.

⚡@mia-ugly , Rapture.

Snape sees the man, for the first time, on his twenty-fifth birthday.

It was a hard call between this one and Night Watch, which I love with a similar passion. This was the first fic I ever read of mia_ugly's and it's one of those works that reminds me how important and fantastic it is to be a writer. The skill with which she writes pulls emotions from me that any fiction rarely can. This is a favorite of so many snarry fans for a reason. (That very first scene hits me so hard every time. I have to brace myself for it. Please read Rapture.)

⚡@chickenpets', Pacify.

He would do his duty. He would save Draco, if he could. He would protect the students, if and when the school fell to the Deatheaters. And Potter. As far as he was concerned, Potter could have whatever he wanted, now. What was the point of trying to tell him no if he was going to be sacrificed on the pyre of the greater good? If Potter wanted to learn, Severus would be his teacher. If he wanted a master, then Severus would make him submit. And if he wanted a lover... well. Severus would love him. And that was it. Anything else was a waste of time. And there was so little of that.

This fic, although relatively new, has already become a classic for the ship. It's a WIP but there is so much to read already, it won't feel so painful to catch up. It has so much of what I enjoy - student/teacher, wartime, an absurdly powerful Harry, weird sex - that I think it'll be in my top 5 for the rest of time, come what may. Chickenpets, conveniently, was also interviewed on the Fanfic Maverick Podcast, and her comments on not only Pacify but the characters in general were so interesting to hear. I'll probably listen to it again soon. I hesitate to say this is THE snarry to read if you've never read any, but then again... I'm saying it.

All this being said, anon, please let me know which ones you decide to read and how you like them! 💓

[seblaineaddict]

Eleven

Seblainiversary 2022

@seblaineworld

Second part of my artwork for Chapter 3 of And All This Time You Held My Heart.

Having fled the States pretty much on impulse, following the fallout of Kurt and Glenn being kicked unceremoniously to the kerb by Blaine and Sebastian respectively, our boys head to Sebastian’s home country of France, to allow some time for the dust to settle. They subsequently find themselves spending 8th November 2022 - the 11th Anniversary of the very first time they met, in Parc Monceau in the 8th arrondisement of Paris, snuggling together under a huge Sycamore Maple tree that bears the carved initials of 11 year old Sébastien Baptiste Smythe.

Finally able to lay bare their truth about how they both felt that day back in 2011 (Sebastian had a certaintly that kissing, then in time, fucking Blaine, with his mesmerising, Kaleidoscopic Amber eyes, would be like Comets and Supernovas colliding and exploding around and inside him, and Blaine was sure that the charming, über-confident and debonair boy with the almost permanent smirk and sparkling green eyes, would be his ultimate undoing), it becomes crystal-clear that despite the numerous missteps they have both taken, they have always been each other’s missing Puzzle piece.

Blaine’s startled and upset to realise that while yes, for a nanosecond all Sebastian wanted Blaine to be was a notch on his extensive One-and-Done bedpost/list, Bas had very quickly realised he wanted to give Blaine the world, and was in fact devastated to discover that Blaine was "attached at the hip to a prancing Pixie." A fact that according to Bas, the Warblers had never seen fit to mention to him.

For his part, Sebastian is stunned to learn that during their extensive Text and phone sessions back then, (that Blaine finally concedes were seldom 'Family-friendly' and he was in fact often the instigator of his borderline emotional/cyber-cheating on Kurt), Blaine found it increasingly difficult to not just say, "Fuck it - Carpe Diem" - a phrase Sebastian repeated to him pretty much on a daily basis back then, throw caution to the wind, and just let Sebastian show him an incredible night to remember.

But Blaine wanted more than to just be a one-night-stand or Fuck Buddy to Bas, and he knew if he blew it all up with Kurt just to experience the Sebastian of it all, and was then cast aside like every other boy Sebastian slept with, it would have absolutely destroyed him.

The realisation that all those years ago they were both too scared and too inexperienced to be honest about how they were feeling - not to mention Bas' repeated revelation that he knows full well that he wasn’t emotionally equipped to be the 'something more' that he wanted to be for Blaine, at that time, has them both kicking themselves for avoiding the one topic of conversation that they never touched on during their nightly deep chats that very often ran into the wee, small hours. Had they done so, they might have found themselves on a very different path - one that led to a completely different outcome for them both.

But Sebastian also knows that while hurting Blaine was the very last thing he would ever have wanted to do (and ironically ended up being exactly what he did do), his immaturity and lack of experience with relationships, would have ultimately led to that happening - albeit in a hopefully much less aggressive and violent manner than it did. And Sebastian wasn't made for failure.

Again, not wanting to spoil the upcoming chapter too much, they both realise they've wasted many years harbouring secret (or not at all secret in Bas' case, if you ask the Warblers!), unresolved feelings for each other, and not even Blaine experiencing the green-eyed monster at the appearance of one of 16 year-old Sebastian's (very tactile and persistent) Fuck Buddies while they're out clubbing in Montmartre, can dampen their elation at finally having a chance to rewrite their story, almost 8 years after their massive fight...

Chapter 3 will be posted tomorrow. Hope everyone's enjoying Seblainiversary 2022! 💜

[piningbuddies]

eddie and chris and grief

okay i wrote this post last night after the episode and i reread it this morning and had no idea of the point i was trying to make (in my defense it was like 3:30 and i'd been up for 21 straight hours after a full day at college) so! i'm simply redoing it!

here's my takes on eddie, the diazes and grief, and where i think this wild train is going in 5B. it's gonna be a ride, so buckle in.

SPOILERS FOR 5A!

my thing is, because i've been dealing with it myself for so long, i can recognise the grief, the mourning so well. eddie's been grieving since we met him, but i don't really think he's given himself the chance to sit with it.

when we first see eddie and chris in s2, they've left their life behind in texas, the only life either of them have ever known. eddie's still reeling from shannon leaving, and trying to put the pieces back together. even there, there's some degree of loss, of mourning. i think it's really important to note at this point that grief doesn't have to be over some gigantic, significant loss. that's what a lot of people think of when it comes to grief, but it's so much more complex. you can mourn over the little things - it's subjective and people react to situations in different ways. that being said, i absolutely believe that in the early stages of s2, we see eddie in a state of grieving. we only get a hint of it here and there, but we see it occasionally. then, shannon comes back part way through s2, and eddie's world turns on its axis.

it's something he never really expected to happen and you can tell. he is so, so hesitant to let her back into his life, into christopher's life again because he remembers how much it hurt them both. he eventually opens up enough to let her back in, and we see...a lighter version of eddie, one we haven't seen since he joined. he takes shannon out to dinner, asks her to officially be a family again, and she tells him she's leaving, again. watching that scene every single time breaks my heart because you can see the moment all the emotions that eddie had boxed up after she left resurface. the hurt, the anger, the confusion (was i not good enough?). and then shannon dies.

now, another important point about grief is that it manifests differently in literally everybody. for me, it was practical problem solving until there were no more problems left to solve, and then it was avoidance. in eddie? obviously i'm not a psychologist and everything i'm saying is purely speculation. but eddie's a soldier, right? he keeps looking for a way forward, a way through. then chris is in a tsunami, and there's the nightmares he has after the event, and the moment that eddie realises that chris has been dreaming about shannon drowning. this is where we see a crack in his facade, and once again, all the emotions he'd carefully put away regarding shannon's death came bubbling back to the surface, because he never properly dealt with them.

and then, eddie gets angry. and that's a really understandable part of grief because you get angry at the world, at the circumstances, at yourself even, for not being able to do anything to stop what's happened. i remember some days feeling so angry that i might explode. and i think for eddie, maybe anger's an easier emotion to deal with than sadness and/or anguish. it's more recognisable, an easier demon to co-exist with because he's never let himself sit in the pain before, the upset, the devastation of what he thought his life was going to look like being snatched away from him. now do i hate the fight club arc? detest it. do i think it tracks for eddie character wise? absolutely. i think he knew he couldn't afford to explode at home in front of chris, so he needed an outlet and he got handed one on a silver platter.

next, i want to touch on the conversation between bobby and eddie in 4x06. easily, hands down one of my favourite moments in the show. "i know what it's like to be stuck inside the worst moment of your life." i think bobby, because of his experiences, can tell that eddie isn't really dealing with what's happened to shannon. and i think this conversation is such a pivotal moment to touch on because for the first time we've seen, someone gets it. someone's been where eddie is, felt the pain he's feeling all the time, the guilt, the longing for what he knows he won't get back. and bobby acknowledging to eddie that he doesn't have to forget shannon to start moving forward ("i'm still not over it. over her."/"and you never will be.") is the first kind of lightbulb moment we see for eddie. in this moment, we see him realise that he can sit with his grief and sit with the emotions it makes him feel without letting it consume him.

jumping ahead to 5A, obviously we've all seen eddie's been spiralling for a long time now post shooting. the panic attack, the almost breakdown at the hospital, even his reaction when he was being held hostage screams i need help. i think for the first time in a long time, eddie isn't able to neatly box up his emotions and tuck them away. compartmentalization has been somewhat of a fail-safe for eddie for years now. eddie the dad and eddie the firefighter and eddie the friend almost exist as completely different entities at this point. he tucks away his emotions, especially the ugly ones into the furthest corners of his mind because he'd rather do that than confront them up close and personal. however, one thing i learned in therapy is that the longer you ignore a problem, usually, the worse it gets. and even though we got a sniff of eddie acknowledging his feelings in 4x06, he quickly tucked those away and labelled them 'for another day'. now, how does this tie into 5A and consequently, 5B?

5x10 is key. first of all, massive shout out to gavin mchugh who utterly acted his ass off in this episode. but he portrays through chris so well that the idea of grief and grieving isn't linear. first, the christmas decorations, then the gingerbread house and then the nightmare. i know these aren't in order, but just hear me out. let's start with the nightmare. kids having nightmares about losing a parent, especially after having lost one already is extremely common. i know when my dad died, i had nightmares frequently for well over a year. when you add into that the fact that eddie got shot and very well could've died? chris has had a lot on his little shoulders the past few years.

a big thing when anyone goes through a bereavement for the first time is the idea that they get confronted with mortality. i think, especially with kids, they tend to look to their parents like they'll never die, like they're untouchable, but when a parent dies or gets seriously injured, the metaphorical rug is snatched from underneath them and they're left floundering. now chris is canonically a very intelligent kid, and i think he connected the dots a lot earlier than any of us would like in terms of just how close eddie came to dying. but because eddie hasn't been talking about it, chris hasn't either. and then christmas made everything come to a head. hearing chris scream "you could be dead next year!" sent chills down my spine, and in that exact moment i could see what eddie was thinking; the regret, the loathing.

his conversation with carla is where the fissures start to show fully and truly, and we get a true glimpse into eddie's brain for the first time this season ("bullets don't bounce off me carla. i learnt that the hard way."). it's the first time he has admitted to anyone, maybe even himself that he's not okay, that there is something bothering him. it's been bubbling under the surface for a long time now and a lot of us have been saying chris was going to be the catalyst, i just don't think any of us knew in what way. i definitely wasn't expecting that episode ending, but i do think it's a necessary step in the diaz boys' journey. i think everything eddie does is for chris, and he's doing this because he thinks it's best for chris. this sets the stage, at least in my opinion very well for 5B.

i think in 5B, the diaz boys need to establish open communication, both between themselves and with others. i seriously think they could both do with some therapy. i think they both have a lot of complex thoughts and emotions they need to work through. i think eddie needs to do this completely away from the 118 because, as we saw from defend in place, how he's feeling is beginning to affect how he is on the job, and when you're a first responder, i think eddie knows that you can't really afford for that to be the case. i think he needs to get some therapy, i think chris needs to get some therapy, but i also think eddie needs to have an open and honest conversation with chris; he will always do his best to avoid getting hurt no matter what he's doing, but there's no guarantees. it can be a hard pill for a child to swallow, but children do tend to appreciate when adults are honest with them, because it can cause a lot more problems down the line if they're not.

bottom line is, i think this is a necessary (but painful) step in the right direction for both eddie and chris. they need to do this so they can both heal and begin to move forward, but i have every faith that eddie will be back in the job at some point.

[obserfdom]

False God, Kaylor's New Anthem

False God - the sexiest part of the album, Lover, (similar to the flirtatious Dress in Reputation) to me personally, has a intriguing meaning. I have searched the web to see what analyses so far regarding the lyrics. Nothing much, mostly saying that it is about Joe Alwyn. Okay, let's debunk this one. 'Cause I also know that Kaylors have an interpretation from the gay's angle.

I think, I can speak on both perspectives, since I've been in both. I once married, however my biggest love life relationship was with woman. So, I am really curious to know, in what angle did Taylor actually write this song.

***

We were crazy to think. Crazy to think that "this" could work -> okay, since almost everyone out there agree that FG about love/relationship, so "this" referring to Taylor relationship (lover).

Now, don't you think it kinda strange that Taylor having a doubt about her relationship with Joe? I mean, she was 27th when she first met Joe & with enough experiences in relationship already, not to mention Joe is also coming from almost the same background, apart from different country and Joe gained celebrity status from the cinematic industry, but still I mean, what is so crazy about starting a "heteronormative" relationship like that?

Unless... she was talking about a "different kind" of relationship - something, which in general, still being perceived as 'abnormal'...

Hmmm, interesting.

But wait, there's another way to translate it, that somehow during that moment she was having an existential crisis. She questioned a lot of thing: the meaning of being celebrity i.e. she worked so hard to pursue her dream whilst at the same time she was devastated by the facts that people whom she thought once friends, stabbed her from the back - or that strangers would start to belittle & mocking her for everything - she had trust issue, she started losing confidence, she hold grudge, she was in emotional turbulance (these loosely translation based on her interviews).

Hence: she thought to drag someone to her "crazy" world would be tenacious.

Remember how I said I'd die for you? --> seems like she was really madly in love here

We were stupid to jump --> yet they've decided to taste the water anyhow

In the ocean separating us. Remember how I'd fly to you?

--> ok, again, this does fit Joe. Cause taking it in literal sense, then it probably about her had to fly back n forth US-UK.

However, Karlie still fits the role as well, I think, since they both doing a busy life, mostly continental apart.

Whoever it was for, metaphorically speaking it is about how she was making a sacrifice for the relationship to work.

And I can't talk to you when you're like this

--> later we would comprehend that Taylor was talking about a moment when her and lover had some feud. When she restrospected how during the couple-fight, her beau would:

Staring out the window

(I imagine her beau stood still, in silence, gazed through the window) avoiding to look her in the face, thus she thought:

like I'm not your favorite town

!!! What is her beau fave town?

I'm New York City

(yeah, baby!) And whose fav city is New York? Karlie Kloss!

"Well, Joe can also regard NYC as his fave city..." True - but, Taylor wouldn't be writing something that has no common reference to it. I've googled Joe's city preference and came out with null results. While as for Karlie Kloss, almost everywhere - you can find her boasting around about how much she loves NYC. As a matter of fact - she was the one who convinced Taylor to move to NYC in 2014 (and Taylor has been in love to the city, since).

Furthermore the next lyrics kinda congruent to the above speculation:

I still do it for you, babe

--> "I moved to NYC still staying here to date because of you." See, it still a close referrence to Karlie.

Can you come out with different translation that lead to Joe, instead? If you do, please let me know in the comment.

They all warned us about times like this. They say the road gets hard and you get lost

--> this one is really interesting. We all know Joe and Taylor still together and that Taylor somehow bragging about how happy in relationship she is now. But here as if like her saying that 'something happened to the couple' in FG story. Something big and terrible - something that might cause them to split/break apart.

And she kinda blame, the reason why it happened cause:

When you're led by blind faith. Blind faith

--> what is the meaning of "blind faith" in term of falling in love? Yes, when you are so in love that you are willing to do anything to retain or to be in it. You disregard everything, cause you are so drunk inside the pool of love, lust, altogether. You become 'blind'.

Ok, let's speak in het point a view, first - do you think, you see a magical spark when seeing Joe with Taylor out and about? Hard to tell? Okay, fair enough.

But here, an excerpt from Rolling Stone interview:

Her paused after accentuated the word "if"... to me is her showing hesitation even doubt to the idea of having a family.

Kinda weird coming from her current public image in Lover Era where she continue asserting how happy she is and how seems like, she has found the love of her life.

Further in FG she asserted that she is madly in love with someone whom she willing to die for - to fly across ocean for - so much intoxicated by love as if like having a blind faith!

Unless... the love of her life which she depicted in FG is...

in which because of that, for her to think of the ideas of: 'to be together, be a family'; would be a crazy notion and hard to imagine.

***

Yet, she also made it clear in FG, despite the odd, she was not ready to release the idea of 'stick together for good', because she thought there is still possibility that:

(But) we might just get away with it

***

The following lyrics to me, kinda raw and blatant:

Religion's in your lips. Even if it's a false god. We'd still worship.

(We might just get away with it)

The altar is my hips.

Lips & hips -> you imagine anything? (Lol).

Why False God? Clearly, she still talking about love:

Even if it's a false god. We'd still worship this love.

So in another word, Taylor using False God as a metaphor for passionate love she was experiencing with someone.

But why False God?

My take using gay perspective: is because we know how most religions condemn homosexuality. So with probably her involved in the same sex relationship, which would be considered sin or false by many, this probably her way of saying: "I don't care. I have all the rights to love whomever I want to love, regardless what society in heterenormative world would think!"

Next:

I know heaven's a thing. I go there when you touch me, honey. Hell is when I fight with you. But we can patch it up good. Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness. Got the wine for you.

In general sense, the narrative here is about normal things happen in relationship. It's about having differences inside romance - a fight, a quarrel- then "kiss and make up".

But again, it is interesting how she chose the religious term like 'hell' and 'heaven' to equate her romantic endeavours.

This can't stop me from thinking that she actually is talking about sacred-secret love which against religious belief.

(Again, her way in saying: "I don't care your heaven or hell! I have my own, in this love-life story of mine!").

I would also like to re-iterate: "Got the wine for you" - seemingly her 'make up' sentence for her beau. But it is interesting to think about her chosen word "wine" there. It could mean literally that they both do love wine or...

"intimate love" - ok very much correlated. Yet further from the same source (wiki), wine (alcohol in general) often perceived as "evil".

So in which way, Taylor denoted "wine"? If its in devilish way, yes, then it is another mockery from her to religious dogma as if like saying: "I don't mind being perceived as evil. Me and lover will continue doing what we are doing!"

And you can't talk to me when I'm like this. Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you.

Hehe, so woman, don't you think? ;)

You're the West Village. You still do it for me, babe.

A shout out to Kaylors on this. Cause west village in literal meaning is a place where Karlie once lived.

Is there any other meaning for West Village? Yes, a big maybe. But unfortunately, I couldn't find any. Perhaps, you can dig on that and tell me later?

Finally, when come back to:

They all warned us about times like this. They say the road gets hard and you get lost

--> if we persevere with Karlie's scenario - then one could imagine this depiction is perfectly suitable to the Kaylors conspiracy theory.

How we speculated that their relationship in trouble - they chose to beard for their career sake - beside continue "behind the scene" with their LOVE that worthy eternal worshipping.

Sounds too delusional?

Perhaps. But since it is still a blank space, one owns a prerogative to write things accordingly. And False God is a love letter from Taylor Swift to Karlie Kloss? I'd say ameen to that!

xxx

Update: Joe Alwyn Fave City (thank you @dodsdmr for this info)

[who-talks-first]

Never apologize for evoking intense emotional reactions from your readers. I consider it the highest indication of good writing.

One of my favorite things about the show is the pure and simple relationship between Cara and Din. Whether fans ship them romantically or platonically (personally, I consider Cara a proud Butch lesbian icon), they have this smooth chemistry. They meld like they've always fought together. She knew him for a few weeks and took on a whole garrison of stormtroopers for him and his son.

So that's a pretty intense relationship to portray. So you having her be this rock for him while also experiencing her own grief over Reader builds on that pure relationship they have; she adores Din so she adores Din's riduur. No drama or jealousy. So your portrayal feels organic and real in the canon. My heart hurt for both of them.

You're such an incredible writer. Everything you put down is devastating, hot as hell (where applicable), organic and realistic, gutsy, and so so personal and beautiful. Reader gets to feel herself in the story. And we feel so much. It's just amazing.

And it felt like a profound takeaway! For 10 months, we have all been crushed under an unbearable weight and spinning our wheels. Those of us who were already suffering mental illness have been crushed. So the moral I perceived here (perhaps a Freudian interpretation - I needed the message so I found it?) shines out of a very dark story.

Sorry I'm just babbling. 😅

In short, story sad sun good Cara lesbian.

ILY2 sweetie 😚😚😚

Marching far away (Din Djarin x reader)

Summary: some things are more potent in their absence. Din misses you, but before he can let go, he has one more promise left to fulfil. PURE ANGST with eventual comfort.

Author’s note: this is me breaking the tin can man’s heart for a spell. Sorry? Also, this is only my 2nd Din fic and I’m insecure, pls validate me? Or, come join me to simp about space wife, okay?

Word count: 3k, oh hell. Was meant to be a blurb. Kriff it. I have no control.

Warnings: strong themes of grief, death of a loved one (reader). Hints of depression + trauma linked to that. A mess of angst and metaphors, tbh. Brief mentions of wounds, blood -not too graphic.

GIF: stunning, and from @qviism​

The Mandalorian has awoken to many recurring thoughts in his time, most of them unpleasant. For many years, Din was jolted awake by memories of his parents, their love imprinted on him like a brand which never stopped burning. Yanked from sleep by a noise and grasping for his helmet before he grasps for a weapon, so that everything he is built of -everything he has promised to be- cannot be unmade. Rising to worry; to thoughts of what he is missing and fear of what might be taken away.

Nowadays, he awakes to thoughts of The Foundling. And, Din always, always awakes to the lack of you.

Some things become more potent in their absence. Din knows this. He knows it deeply. Never is the warmth of the sun craved more acutely than in the depths of a dead night. Din certainly finds you more potent in your absence. He finds himself wearing the memory of you like a perpetual perfume, clinging to his body and refusing to be scrubbed clean. Even when he has shed the heavy layers of beskar, in the dark and the solitude, the ghost of you still lingers there, enveloping his skin like a shroud.

Sometimes, Din wonders why he must always bear a weight on his body. A weight over his heart, like this, even when he’s stripped down. Still, like the armour, you are a vow he bears willingly. The only thing worse than bearing this would be losing you entirely. And losing you entirely, would be worse than losing his creed.

Din’s creed is immeasurably heavy.

You are heaviest. Immeasurable.

This morning, as the weight of you settles on his chest, Din stirs.

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