#and all of this because i have an anxiety disorder! you're welcome :3

[dredshirtroberts]

my dreams lately tend to be pretty anxious (because i'm moving soon and my brain HATES this - also my birthday is coming up and I have Very Complex Feelings about my birthday as an event. very excited about getting older), and also very vivid. I've been remembering the vast majority of them rather detailed rather than the Notion Something Bad Happened which has been the case for most of the winter so far.

Last night i was being chased by cops through an area where every city was a different decade - like just stuck in that decade. It was also a video game? Mainly because i was encouraged to pull a McElboys and kill someone on accident because i didn't know how the controls worked yet, and then i had the cops from specifically the 1970s city after me because i had done a death to someone. So I'm hiding and hoping to reach the next city over, and spend a lot of time attempting to hide from the authorities. We finally make it to the next city over and realize it's the 1950s and we wanted to actually go the *other* direction to the 1990s at *least* so we have to GO BACK through the 1970s city, which is also the city where the college my sister went to is located for some reason and is also a city that runs on Musical Rules.

We can't get caught if we get the student populace to start singing so we can blend in.

There's also demons following us and attempting to capture us? I had magic that appeared like Falin's magic in Dungeon Meshi to take care of it and I could just eliminate them from existence but the magic didn't work on the cops or I would have done that.

I kept making all sorts of new friends who were doing their best to help me, and in the other cities people assumed I was one of them, instead of me which helped. But as soon as we were back in the one from the 70s i had to be super sneaky again.

Anyway... felt like sharing that the time-cops didn't get me and i got to scare the fuck out of my school bus driver from when i was a small child (he was driving the school bus we were on to try and get through the 1970s area faster, but we had to get off right before the university which was at the edge of the city) which was fun because he was kind of an asshole IRL and maybe shouldn't have been driving kids around.

also i doubt that in the 1950s diners were considered High Society Hangouts where people did dress exchanges between each other if you couldn't afford a nice enough dress. but that was kind of a fun element to it all.

[musicfueled]

Rules + intro! (Masterlist under the cut)

Hi, welcome to my page! I write mainly for Naruto Shippuden (current hyperfixation) but here's some things I also write for;

NO LIMITATIONS:

Genshin Impact, Devilman Crybaby, My Hero Academia, Death Note, Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt, Soul Eater

SFW ONLY WITH SOME CHARACTER EXCEPTIONS:

Five Nights at Freddy's, Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun, Hunter x Hunter

SFW ONLY:

Liar Liar, Cemetery Mary

THIN ICE/CHANCE OF BEING DENIED:

Hazbin Hotel, Danganronpa, Bungou Stray Dogs

I am 18, so although I write nsfw, please don't be weird in my dms if you're 19+ because I'm not comfortable with that. I have ADHD and suspected autism, as well as some anxiety disorders. I enjoy photography, psychology, and art. I also have a pet rabbit :D

Rules:

Interactions

Feel free to dm! I love chatting, however it may take me a bit to get back to you due to timezones and other things.

Reblogs always appreciated!

You can establish yourself as an anon (ex. 💗 anon, flower anon, etc.)

If we're mutuals, you can send me your posts/tell me you posted and I'll like and reblog as long as you do the same for my posts :D

You can ask questions about what I do/don't write if not specified or any other questions you may have

You can submit asks that aren't writing related! Chatting, thirsts, confessions, etc etc, no limits! Other than being creepy ofc

My writing + requests

You can request through asks or dms! If in dms, specify if you want to be credited for the request or remain anonymous.

Please understand I can deny any requests that make me uncomfortable or I don't want to right; in fact, all writers do. Please treat me and any other writer with human decency and do not spam.

When requesting, mention if it's sfw or nsfw, what gender reader, if you want a story or headcanons, and any other specifics you want me to include if any.

I will write x reader, character x character, familial dynamics (reader or character), sfw, nsfw, trans/genderqueer characters and readers, M/M, F/F, F/M, poly

I will NOT write unsanitary kinks, pedophilia + large age gaps that are barely legal (ex. 18/19 year old with anyone over their 20s), incest, nsfw of adults that look like kids, DDLG/sexualized littlespace, or sexual abuse. I'm okay with toxic dynamics otherwise. Trauma kinks like CNC or consented somniphilia are fine, again if they are consensual.

Masterlist

Naruto Shippuden

Waking up with him (Shikamaru x reader NSFW)

He's the devil (Jiraiya x reader NSFW)

Rolly Polly (Shino x reader)

Mine <3 (Itachi x reader, in progress)

Genshin Impact

Alone with him (Scaramouche x reader NSFW, in progress)

[solarsleepless]

hello all

it has been. a Hot second. but i am back

welcome to the kristy thomas autism analysis, where i'm—well, if you're here, you know the deal. here's part 1, 2, 3/4, 5 and 6 if you missed them, and feel free to follow the #autistic kristy comp tag to get to these new posts quicker!!

without further ado, let's do this!

Episode 2

more of kristy's hyperfixation!! claudia herself says that she didn't anticipate kristy coming over with "an agenda of her own", aka stuff to help the business club, which, as stated previously, is clearly a hyperfixation/special interest at this point :)

kristy's anxious about missing school and not being able to pick up the slack while she's off, and anxiety about things building up and not keeping up with it is common for autistic people

kristy's very attentive during her calls with mary anne, especially when mary anne mentions new ideas. the club, as much as it is her hyperfixation, it's also her safe place, and if it changes too much it might not be able to be the comfort that it usually is

more funky sitting :) and comfy clothes

additional notes

mary anne taking the taxes thing literally, also her anxiety that the taxes is a thing she's forgotten and will have to look into

mallory is clearly adhd or audhd (she's impulsive and clearly speaks before she thinks, while also being pretty unaware of social cues), and anxiety about getting things things wrong is a pretty big thing in both neurodivergencies, so it's natural she left stuff in blank - she doesn't want to embarass herself by giving the "wrong answer"

i've already mentioned it, but i feel like i should again say that janine is very heavily autistic-coded. misses social cues like when claudia was upset with her in prior episodes, gives corrections on things she's knowledgeable without being asked, has flat facial and vocal expressions for the most part and an extensive vocab, and is blunt

mallory has a special interest/hyperfixation on horses! she brings them up constantly, writes about them, has clothes with them on, and finds ways to talk about them in conversation

this episode serves as an example of how even people with similar or even the same disorders can clash: claudia is closer to the inattentive side of the adhd spectrum, while mallory is more on the hyperactive side, never able to stop talking. her autism also leads her to be unaware of claudia's frustration, and her rambling is overwhelming and annoying to claudia.

autistic people have a strong sense of right or wrong, and this can cause them to break rules if they consider the current rule "wrong". this includes mary anne taking the minutes even when she was told not to, because it felt morally wrong not to. also, it could be something that grounds her and lets her keep track of everything that goes on and she might feel adrift without it

[bumblebeesfromvenus]

Hey how're you? Make sure you're drinking water regularly!

After you've finished a tall glass of water and a nice healthy meal, allow me to make a request? How would TF141 deal with a fem!reader that has kleptomania? If you don't know what that is, kleptomania is a mental health disorder/compulsive control disorder. Someone with kleptomania might have a very difficult time resisting repeated urges to steal from the people around them. Generally random items they don't actually need. For me, I can describe the urge as a sort of anxiety attack that will not go away till you've got the stolen items in your hand. Kind of feels like... Like you're drowning, and once you've stolen something you can swim up to the surface. Of course this is just random, ignore this if not!!

Hello, love!!

First of all, thank you for checking in, that's very sweet of you!!

I hope you're taking care of yourself, too <3

Now, this is a very interesting and intriguing prompt,

However (the dreaded however, I'm sorry :(()

I don't feel confident in my abilities to execute this accurately and truthfully.

I have no knowledge or experience with this disorder and I have the tendency to interpret a lot of things which just wouldn't be good in a situation like this!

I gather this is obviously very personal to you, and I'm sorry I can't bring you a little thing to read but I don't want to accidentally paint this disorder in a light that it isn't in, you know?

I don't want to get anything wrong or mess it up.

I wouldn't even know where to start writing because I have no experience with this, so I hope you can understand that :)

I'm incredibly sorry to disappoint you, but you're still very welcome in my inbox to make another request once they're open again.

I take things like this very seriously because I have a plethora of disorders myself and misrepresentation sucks :(

I'M SORRY, BUT I LOVE YOU.

Thank you for requesting 🩷

Again, I'm very sorry!!!

I hope you have a lovely day/night 🐝🩷

[belong2human-kind]

Hey guys, Clara here 🫂

This is a venting post, it has some TWs: cancer illnesses, mentions of trauma and mental disorders.

I've been very off from tumblr, feeling pretty detached from pretty much anything lately. I'm not even sure if I'm going through another depressive episode or just life itself has been pretty tough, maybe both.

I always talk about how bad OCD, generalized anxiety and ADHD get my routine and my life really messed up, but there are more things, some that only a few here know because I am always really scared to talk about, mostly because of OCD. I have a lot of different themed obsessions, but one of them includes mystical thinking ("If I say this, it will happen" or "I can't sing, write or mention the word de a th completely or I'll lose someone" etc.)

Some days, I am feeling way better about these things and I even manage to write about it, but on others, not so much. So, as I mentioned here before, I can't say the phrase, but my closest family person is facing a stage 4 cancer right now, and things have not been going the best. I lost my dad to covid at the same year and month this person discovered the cancer, same month, she also had covid at the same time. And now her brother is terminal stage on cancer too. I have the historical of this disease on both sides of my family, VERY strongly. My family isn't very united and they are not so young, plus the heavy cancer history; I fear almost everyday I'll lose everyone and end up alone, also not to mention the fear of developing it too 🥲

Because of OCD and my fears, I cannot mention who the person is, but some might have an idea by what I said, and I guess two people here know because I can talk privately about, OCD just won't allow me to mention it "public" (I know it makes no real sense, but OCD never have made any). Well, things are going pretty hard. I feel really lost :')

Lately my chronic issues have been out of control: constant asthma attacks and my asthma was so much more controlled, more rhinitis and sinusitis pain than ever that won't ever stop, not even after 4 or 6 meds, more nauseous, more insomniac (almost 3 months very badly sleep deprived because of nightmares of all these trauna :'c ), forgetting to eat, skipping classes, 0 notion of time and space progression... And after all of that, I'm still dealing with an old childhood trauma too :'c it's been too tough. I hope I can make out of this, honestly. Life has been a nightmare. Trying to find strength to face all of this :')

I haven't forgotten any of you, and I hope I'll find back motivation to be active and interact. I love this community and I feel so welcomed by everyone 🫂

Miss you all and hope you're all doing well 🫂🌻

[edible-emerald]

gonna try and make a proper pinned post lmfao

👍/❤️💛/📘/🔶/🔵/🌒/🟧/🌲/🌥️/💭/🐍/🐜/🐬 just to set the record straight <3 if you have a different opinion you can still interact

Howdy. You can call me Emerald, Calypso or Siren. My pronouns are she/they/xe/it. Usually any are fine to use but they do fluctuate, so ask. Even if you use listed pronouns when I don't want you do I don't usually care all too much. I'm aromantic/asexual and a minor.

Because I am a minor, I ask that adults respect their own DNIs if they have that. If you don't, you may interact; but I get defensive, argumentative and anxious very easily, especially around adults.

Idk how I never added it but my mental disorders and disabilities are: ADHD (Diagnosed at age 9) Depression (Diagnosed at age 11) Social anxiety (Self diagnosed) Autism (Highly suspected/in the process of pursuing a diagnosis) Some sort of trauma disorder (Suspected) OCD (Suspected)

On most websites I use the username edible_emerald, including discord and ao3.

I'm a therian, my theriotype is Northwestern wolf. I'm questioning Mermaid/selkie/siren and Lynx/wild feline, along with something winged.

I post art sometimes

Also I like to write!! :3

I'm currently hyperfixating on MCYT, specifically KSMP. Some previous hyperfixations include LU/TOTK/TLOZ, TOH, CSMP, KOTLC, TADC, HH, HB, MD, TOS (1 and 2), and chess. I write fanfiction a bit and you can find my writings on my ao3 account (edible_emerald)

I run a plethora of sideblogs, ask if you're curious

I can reclaim the slurs faggot, retard and tranny but I don't really use them very often, unless you talk to me in dms/discord than I do a little bit more lmfao

I will update this when I remember stuff lmao

I will try to respect your boundaries, but I may forget and accidentally misgender you, etc. Please correct me if I do! Also I tend to be petty a lot, so I will probably argue with people. If you'd rather I just leave it, you can let me know and I'll drop it. I'm too autistic to realize otherwise lmao

My only DNIs are that bigots and radqueers DNI. I also ask that Harry Potter and DSMP fans DNI *UNLESS* I interact first, then you're welcome to.

As for my other DNIs, I don't have any, anyone can interact. You will want to keep in mind that I'm:

Pro endogenic/tulpamancer/willogenic systems

Pro self-diagnosing

Anti proship/conship

Neutral on lesboys

Click the link below to help Palestinians in need. It's free and only takes a few seconds!

I really love these userboxes :3 below the cut is just a bunch of userboxes

(If I forgor credit and you want it, lmk)

[shrimpmandan]

don’t answer if ur not comfortable but how do u differentiate truly having a harmful paraphilia from intrusive thoughts abt it? im someone who has intrusive thoughts abt 2 out of the big 3 as well as other sexual things that can’t be done morally and i often stress that that means i am a paraphile (ik that’s a broad term but i don’t like specifying which ones yknow).

to my understanding, non offending big 3 paraphiles experience with their attraction seems similar to intrusive thoughts because they cause distress and such, so i guess im wondering abt where the distinction lies? i also find the psychological aspects of sex and sexuality interesting in their own right so beyond my own concern i’d be interested to learn cuz it’s just really fascinating

thanks dude!! :)

No worries at all anon! This is a HUGE SpIn of mine and I'm always happy to provide any perspective, even if I'm not a professional and all that.

The biggest distinguishing factor between an intrusive thought and a regular thought is if it's voluntary, and if the thought is welcomed or wanted. Intrusive thoughts are out of your control and often incite feelings of revulsion, disgust, discomfort, fear, anxiety, or rejection. They are thoughts that you want OUT of your brain as soon as possible. When you talk about paraphilias, the waters can muddy a little.

Paraphilias do not necessitate that the thoughts are unwanted. This may be true of paraphilic disorders, wherein the patient experiences clinically significant distress over their paraphilia (this doesn't necessarily refer to one of the big three!), but it's not inherent. A lot of paraphilic fantasy rejection can come from internalized shame due to outside social stigma and personal morality... but so can intrusive thoughts. There's no clear cut distinction between the two due to how much influence society has over our thoughts and how we respond to them, HOWEVER, you may want to consider looking into something like POCD.

POCD, while not an officially recognized diagnosis, is a subset of OCD that specifically centers around pedophilia. There exists also ZOCD (zoophilia OCD) and NOCD (necrophilia OCD), however POCD is by far the most well-researched out of these. POCD involves obsessive and/or compulsive behaviors regarding proving or disproving if one is a pedophile, such as through intentionally exposing themselves to distressing imagery on purpose or engaging with intrusive thoughts related to children. More often than not, people with POCD don't end up having any paraphilic attractions at all-- they are worried about the concept of being a pedophile and if they'll enact tangible harm, not grappling with actual attraction.

I've struggled with POCD for some time now, but I'm fairly confident in that I don't have any attraction to IRL children. The extent to which I'll engage with my thoughts is in fiction, and even then, it's more of a curiosity as opposed to something that's a consistent turn-on-- which is in direct contrast to my other paraphilias which are much stronger and carry with them less internalized shame, and more externalized fear over being harassed, abandoned, and/or doxxed. I don't experience fear over IF I'll offend, because I'm confident that I won't under my own circumstances. But this is something that can vary from person to person.

Some potentially helpful further reading:

r/OCD also may be potentially helpful! Plenty of people on there have talked about experiencing zoophilic, necrophilic, or pedophilic OCD. Just type one of those words into the search bar and you'll probably find someone who's going through the same thing.

[katiascraft]

[ when you're away ]

Plot: you and Evan are away from each other because of his job. And you love to write cute notes and letters to your loved ones so you write him a letter (nowadays sent through messages app)

Word count: 757

Warnings: not proofread, pure fluff, mention of dissociative disorder, comments of sadness and triggering behavior (briefly) and I think that's it.

_______________________________________________

Note: I hope you like it. It is my first writing post sooo I'm nervous but I hope you like it! Every comment and suggestion it's welcome 💗 comment if you wanna even's answer :3 ok, bye.

____________________,,__________________________

_________________________________________

I wasn't feeling really good. It's been 3 weeks since I last have seen Evan at the airport. I didn't know this time it was gonna be so hard on my mental health. I miss him so much. And at the same time, I just feel so grateful to be with him, to know the great person he is and the way he loves people. He is so amazing. He has helped so much since the beginning even without knowing about it. I needed to do something about all of these thoughts and feelings because I will go crazy.

And so I did.

I wrote him a letter. The best thing I know.

Dear Thomas,

I have really bad anxiety. I guess life can never be okay with me. I have to struggle with anything. I have to suffer. And cry and scream sometimes. It's hard to sleep every night with this knot in my stomach that never goes away. I think I miss you and I hug my pillow and it's not the same. I have one of my ambient playlist on youtube with emotional music that I don't know if my heart is happy or agonizing in aching. I've never felt or written anything like this. I remember your face and those little and beautiful spots in both cheeks. Your eyes laying on mine like no one did before. Like I am something really important for you. I don't know what you do to me. But I want to be better, for me. I'm tired of crying and not understanding life, people, situations, places, myself.

I know I will always carry this weight, this cursed on my brain. All the things it makes me believe. Maybe I will never find peace and I will never be happy. But I know at least that I want to be better and that maybe I can be better. At least just a little. I wanna make you happy and I want to feel good with you. I want to heal. But it was so hard. All of my ex lovers left me because they couldn't carry me, I was too obsessed with them. Because my cry is ugly, because I shake and break things. because I moan while we have sex. Because I wanna feel beautiful and I don't care about anybody elses perspective on it. Because I gave presents out of nowhere and beacause I can be kissing you all day. And be cause may be I gave them too much of me until I felt guilty. They feel scared. So they ran away. Just like I always do from my problems, my traumas, my well being. But with you I feel it's different. I'm being romantic and I used to hate it. Fuck me.

And here I am writing you a letter like the hopeless romantic I am. Because I love the old ways too. To me, those are the better ways. Because I like the thought that in 30 years you will find this piece of paper and you will remember u. I don't know if we'll still be together. I don't know if I will be in this world. Or with you. But I like that idea. Because I could never feel anything but pain and guilt, shame and anxiety. I always lived frozen. But I think now it's different.

I'm melting. You're building a new me. You're taking care of the garden full of flowers that I can be. And I like it. I don't know why you love me or why you see me as the best thing that ever happened to you. I don't know if it's the astros or the psychological tests or our energy or just destiny. And for the first time I don't care. We don't need to know why. Being there is enough reason to stay. And thank you for that.

I ran out of words to say to you.The dissociative me makes it hard to follow through. But at least I tried it. I hope someday I will be able to tell you all I feel right away. But for now maybe this is it.

There is a lot of things unsaid, that I feel deep in my heart that I just can't seem to put it in words now.

I love you and that I will always be here for you.

Love, y/n <3

When I finished the letter I didn't even read it. I just needed to send it to him. Like I was feeling desperate. And nervous. I was so anxious. It still being hard for me to talk about my feelings and thoughts openly to people but I try with him. Because he's magical - I can with him. And to me that means the entire world. I don't know where I would be without him. He is my angel.

_______________________________________________

Final note: I'm so excited for this new journey wtitting. I hope you like it and if so comment, reblog or like please 💗🙏🏼 i'm not a native English speaker so sorry if some things are weird, I'm trying my best and always trying to improve!

Hope you have a wonderful day ❤️

[ricksanchezbignaturals]

↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ daily click for palestine ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑

tldr: this is my main blog so there's all kinds of crap here. mostly rick and morty and some other hyperfixations. i don't get to pick what the autism latches onto, luv.

original posts are tagged #my nonsense and art is @space-enbies-inc. when i rb posts i tag the shows/games and characters involved. i don't trigger tag anything at the moment, but feel free to ask if you want something tagged. general blanket content warning (and some other shit) under the cut.

last updated july 2024

content warning: nothing extreme enough to piss off tumblr, but there is very suggestive art and general "horny about that old man" vibes. uncensored slurs (usually ones about lgbt+ people), discussions or depictions of homophobia, transphobia, fatphobia, ableism, racism, classism, sexism, and probably some other bigotries tbh. canon typical content (like gore, death, incest jokes because rnm cannot help themselves). loads loads loads of mental health things, suicide, self harm, smoking/drinking/drug use and addiction, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, ocd, adhd, autism, overstimulation, meltdowns, dissociation, gender dysphoria, and maybe some other stuff that's not coming to mind? idk for sure.

basically if it happens in rick and morty, bojack horseman, or disco elysium, it can show up on this blog.

i do not ship rick and morty together but a lot of ship art just looks like regular fanart if you don't know any better so it's possible that ive reblogged r1ck0rty before without realizing, apologies if that's the case.

i do ship jerrick and rickcest and like to reblog that kind of stuff. i don't consider those ships to be incestuous but i know that some people do so i figured id give you a heads up.

☆fandom stuff☆

~rick and morty~

~smiling friends~

~gravity falls~

~cyberpunk 2077~

~disco elysium~

~solar opposites~

~king of the hill~

~bob's burgers~

~seinfeld~

~bojack horseman~

☆bio pt2 ig☆

im a 21 year old west virginian.

queer in gender and orientation. what way specifically? who fuckin knows, but im 3 years on testosterone baybeeee!

when i complain about libs that's because im a leftist, not conservative. im sure that's obvious from the everything about me, but ngl i didn't know there was a difference between liberal and leftist till i was like 19 so im certainly not gonna judge people who get that confused.

but yeah, that's all i got for now. asks and dms are open, you're welcome to just drop in my messages and start a conversation about our shared interests or whatever. im no therapist but if you need someone to listen or commiserate in mentally ill solidarity, im here.

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

[schizosupport]

Hii! It's been a while, I hope you're doing well! I've missed you! I'm in the discord but I'm not very active as I'm super busy but I came on to ask a random question?

So for background info, it seems some people don't know but there's this really cool app seperate but connected to Spotify that will show you all of your Spotify statistics, minutes, stream counts, and top artists and tracks, etc. Also consistently up to date too. I absolutely love looking at my data and such (basically your wrapped but all year) *also should mention you have to contact Spotify and they'll send your data and such, otherwise it's a more basic version in case anyone was wondering*

Well I was talking about it and my coworker mentioned it was strange how much I listen to music, others said it was really excessive too. Could that be a bad thing?

I am pretty much non stop listening to music. Mostly for background but I can't really stand not having some sort of distraction or background noise. We're allowed to wear a headphone at work and I don't watch much tv so I'm listening to it at home non stop too. Should I not be listening to music this much? music is absolutely a huge part of my life and is my top coping skill too. Besides when I need a break sensory wise, I can't stand silence. My head gets pretty loud and I get anxious. It just seemed a bit weird to me about how my coworkers were so shocked to see how much music I listen to. And it shocked me just as much of how little they do.

Hii!! *Waves* Welcome to the inbox :3

Ok so first off, it's likely true that you listen to more music than most people, but I absolutely don't think that it's a bad thing!

It sounds to me that music is pleasure, coping and comfort in your life, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!

I think a lot of neurodivergent people listen to a lot of music compared with the norm, and psychosis and schizo spec people are definitely not an exception. Music can help both with overstimulation and with understimulation, and it can help drown out unwelcome auditory hallucinations as well. Music can help lift our mood, just as it can help us feel seen and heard when we're in a bad mood.

A lot of people just either don't have the same benefit, or the same need, so they listen to less music. As humans we tend to assume that our experience is much more universal than it is. So just like your co-workers were shocked at how much you listen to music, you are shocked at how little they do! It's surprising, because as long as we are not confronted with this type of bias, we tend to just assume that we are approximately as everyone else.

And often these realizations can be very meaningful upon confrontation. For example learning that other people have an easier time with this or that thing. It impacts someone's self image (realizing you have an impairment) which can lead to self acceptance in the long run, but often starts out more in the territory of 'I'm weak' or 'I'm wrong'.

Then you know, once you're in treatment, everyone is quick to pathologize everything, up to and including yourself.

And it creates this mental landscape where whenever you find one of these things where you are different from some peers.. it creates anxiety. Like oh no is this disordered? Am I 'wrong'?

And i know this is a tangent, but my point is. Listen to your music! Enjoy it! Fill your life with as much comfort and pleasure as you can. There's no downside inherent to this quirk, so unless it was causing you distress in some way (beyond worrying if it's wrong or weird), I urge you to lay the questioning aside and enjoy the music!

[queencvbra]

Important things to remember !

I can be slow. I have a life outside of tumblr. Sometimes I will reply in 0.2 seconds, sometimes it will take me a couple of weeks, more or less. It all depends on my energy and what my muse is leaning towards at the moment, plus there are a lot of factors like my irl schedule, my family, or my mental and physical health that can affect how much time and energy I can spare for writing. I literally have things in my drafts from three months ago because I am a Mess. My reply speed isn't a direct reflection of my interest, and if for any reason either of us decides we're not feeling a thread anymore, that's fine. And it IS okay to ask and make sure I got your reply / starter / ask / etc if you think I might have missed it bc I am forgetful and tumblr's notifications suck most of the time, I don't consider that to be pressuring me.

I have bad social anxiety. I'm working on getting better about it and have been for the past several years, but I have a disorder, so sometimes I'm having to actively work against my own funky brain chemistry. I'm not the greatest at reaching out or carrying on conversations; I'm shy, and I blank out a lot. Even if we're friends and have known each other for a while, I still have these moments, and it's never personal. I welcome ooc communication, but I know I'm not always the best at it, and I know I'm not the only one who has to deal with social anxiety so besties I promise you I understand and will never be mad if we're not talking 24/7. I just want the same understanding in return, bc how much I do or do not talk ooc is not an indicator of my interest in you as a person or your muses, it's literally just my anxiety and has nothing to do with you. We're good, I promise.

I suck at plotting things to an extent. I'm better with general directions and ideas of where we want things to go, but leaving things flexible for our muses to do their thing. Some threads do work better with more detailed plotting, but for the most part I'm perfectly fine winging everything, so there's no pressure to have some perfect plotline already scripted out before you come plot with me. Literally just throw a vague idea at me or be like "hey I think x and y should interact" and we can go from there.

I am following you because I like you and your muse(s) and your presence on my dash. I don't follow people just for the sake of following, it makes my dash feel anxious and crowded, so if I'm following you, then yes I am interested in writing with you! You are not here to pad my follower count and I am not here to pad yours. And there is no time limit here, I won't unfollow just because we didn't interact in the first two weeks or whatever. Sometimes it is harder to come up with interactions between certain muses, but if you're a chill person the odds are I'll probably just keep following you anyway because I like reading what you write, too.

I love you <3 You belong here even if you don't feel like it sometimes. If you ever think "I wonder if anyone would actually care if I deleted and left" the answer is yes. Always yes. Take care of yourself. Drink your water, take your meds, and get some rest. Tumblr can get overwhelming so don't be afraid to take breaks when you need them, and remember that just because you decided to take a break it doesn't mean everyone suddenly stopped caring or forgot about you. You matter to the people around you a lot more than you think you do, don't let the general negativity and selfish behavior on this hellsite convince you otherwise. Write with your friends and do what makes you happy, no one is entitled to shit here and this community can only function if we learn to treat each other like people again and not writing machines.

[casxmanis]

(Art by ThiccSnick on Discord, please support them if you can!)

Hey!

Welcome to my blog! Most of the things you need to know about me are already in the picture above!

As you can see, I'm refreshing it so I can finally reorganize and start everything from scratch again. I feel like I'm lazing off reblogging without any tags at all these days, and it can definitely be annoying to many. It feels.. messy. There's also my old interests that I don't indulge in anymore, and I'd rather not have people follow me for that sole reason. They will be reblogged over to a sideblog instead.

But anyway! I don't post BTD or horror content anymore. It has been damaging my own sanity, and I wasn't very mentally well at that time at the moment of posting those contents.

What I do post and reblog are mostly fitness, Alternative bands (mostly Industrial-leaning), motivational quotes, punk/Goth fashion and dark aesthetics. Maybe some Joan Jett, Rhea Ripley, and Brody Dalle too. Alt women are so cool!

Additional Info

Neurodivergency

Gender Identity & Sexuality

I'm diagnosed with PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder (I'm a protector + host!), and Autism. I also struggle with my math and poor motor skills. On top of that, my anxiety is also all over the place. Therefore, I do struggle to get on with my day sometimes with these issues, so please be patient with me!

You may follow my sideblogs here made by my alters from my system:

@peanutmcflurry - Host + Trauma Holder

@moda-alice - Caretaker

I used to identify as a trans masc person during my teens but after going through my own personal journey, I came to realize I wasn't exactly a trans masc person and desisted back to a bisexual cis woman. I did suffered under some form of internal misogynism and thought of femininity as something weak, so I used to try and appear as trans masc to appear like I'm "stronger" and more "unique than the other girls.". It's pathetic, and I am definitely deeply ashamed of that.

HOWEVER, this does not mean that gender criticals and TERFs should be welcomed on my blog. And I certainly do not appreciate anyone using my story to make some form of fear-mongering against trans and queer people. Everyone's journeys are different!

(Desisting meaning that I have not gone through any form of trans affirming healthcare, but I had identified as a trans/queer person before.)

Languages & Culture

I'm a Malay-Singaporean and lived here since birth. I mostly speak and type in English. It's easier for me to do that. I'm technically Indonesian-descent since I do have Javanese and Bugis ancestry in me. I'm also aware how I'm honestly aware that my culture's very underrepresented in the western media. Haha.

I do speak Malay and some Indonesian, but my skills in those are like, really rusty at the moment because I hardly consume content in those languages.

Malay and Indonesian are pretty similar, just like your Norsk languages or Dutch and German. It's just that I need sometime to read Indo properly or understand the slangs. It's not too bad, though.

Boundaries

1. Do not follow me if you're just in for Horrorporn/BTD content. I STRICTLY do not post those kinds of contents anymore.

2. TERFs, Gender Criticals, or any form of bigotry against marginalized groups are not welcome.

3. No flirting, unsolicited DMs.

I might add more if I needed to. But I believe that's about it for now. Thanks for reading this!

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Haven’t done a personal vent in a while, but...here goes.

Content Warning for transphobic parents, transphobic laws in the USA, mentions of unpleasant or bad news (via a song cover on TikTok), heavy emotions.

Read at your own risk (and if you do, some reassurance would be welcome too).

So....some backstory before I dive into why I'm upset right now:

- came out as genderfluid to mother in 2019 (now 5 years ago). she somehow interpreted this as “neither man nor woman” and exclusively used they/them (but she/her behind our back, including on the phone). we tried to correct her but she didn't listen at all. didn't know we were a system yet.

- updated her 3 months later that we were a man actually & wanted he/they. she didn't listen at all and kept assuming genderless ish neither man nor woman and only using they.

- updated her in 2021 (3 years ago), because we knew we were a system now (didn't tell her but informed our understanding of our gender better) and knew we were masc nonbinary (man ish). asked for he/him pronouns.

- outed us to our uncle (Uncle P) on the phone, very snarky “yeah they use they/them now”. Loudly yelled down the hall “he/him! if you're gonna out me, at least get it right!”

- continues to use they/she. reminded her in 2022 that we asked for he/him.

- been asking again, every 2-3 months this past year, gently encouraging and asking for effort. agreed to be patient with this big change.

- started testosterone May 2nd 2023 (approaching 10 months ago)

- gave them 3 different books on being transgender and supporting your trans child. they had resources at their fingertips.

- she continues to she/they us. she argues that we're not being patient enough when we protest.

- 6 months on T (November), finally told her we were on T because she noticed facial hair finally (“the women in our family don't have *that* much facial hair”). she was shocked it had been 6 months already. somehow hadn't noticed our voice drop an octave* or so.

*the musical term - this is about 8 notes on a solfege scale (do re mi fa so la ti do), which if you're not familiar with that, it lines up with piano keys (C-D-E-F-G-C-D-E on a major key) and is quite a jump.

- discussed with her how happy testosterone had made us. she knew we understood it to be the best decision we'd made for ourselves.

- Yule (Dec 21st), we bring our girlfriend over. she genders us correctly. both parents get visibly uncomfortable. we're shooed out the door after only two hours (usually 4-6 hour minimum event).

- gets service on secondary phone with new number that parents can't contact, preparing to go No Contact. uses secondary phone way more often. forgets to check original number for up to a week at a time. easier to not feel obligated to talk to parents.

- one month ago, finds out parents both knew we had bipolar. we had finally gotten meds (lamotrigine (medication name) / Lamictal (name brand)), they helped a lot, so we told father about that and he said “oh we knew”. he doesn't explain.

- asks mother when they first realized, why they didn't tell me, & what other mental illnesses or neurodivergent traits they noticed & didn't mention.

- mother says they specifically called it bipolar 2 years ago (2022) and that she thought they discussed it in front of me (father says they did not, & just didn't want to “force a label” on me). also tells me she knew we were ADHD in fourth grade, 9 to 10 years old (diagnosed professionally at 16), and also knew at the same time we had an anxiety disorder but she assumed it would be cured by forcing us into Gendered Scouts and trying to “just build self confidence”.

- also admits that she noticed in high school that we were trans, but she phrases it as “you suddenly started caring about being perceived female because the boys were flirting immaturely, and you just needed self defense classes and self confidence”.

- realizes she hasn't changed that very misinformed view of our transgender realization journey (said the same thing when we came out 5 years ago). upset, but decides to ghost her for 4 or 5 days instead of saying something. realizes we definitely need to go No Contact.

~~

& then, yesterday / last night:

- sends TikTok video to her (this one:)

- is seeking reassurance & comfort, or at least to laugh together about it.

- she replies with her usual dismissive line to avoid accountability, “well, if everyone picked a small thing at a local level, we could affect change”. true fact, but only brought up to dismiss emotions and avoid accountability.

- gets angry, because feeling hurt.

- sends her several recent (last two years) transphobic laws (including Texas trying to label parents who support their trans kids’ social transition as “abusive” and place trans kids with families that will “convert” them; including bathroom bans, sports bans, drag bans; including West Virginia very recently actually trying to outlaw trans people from public life entirely). it's a lot of text and screenshots of the news.

- “This is about *me*, mom. This is my life. This is MY life, and my friends’, and my girlfriends’ and their girlfriends’*, and any adult who has ever supported me. We're long overdue for a full-scale revolution.”

*we're polyam, have 2 gfs and they have a lil polycule with 2 or 3 others

- follows up with a text that's more personal, “on a more personal note”, about her lack of support and her never even once using he/him or our given name.

- specifically says “when you don't even make an effort, I feel unloved, unseen, unwanted, and unheard”

- also says “I am in pain. I am your son.”

- ends message with heavy emotional line “Learn to love me, or at least tell me you can't and I'll find a parent who will.” ((insinuating no contact))

- tempted to delete, hesitates. hits send on a message we'd normally never send. too firm of a boundary, must be a threat, bad ultimatum.

- feels like a bad son, bad person, etc.

- expects her to lash out. expects several attempts to call, or many angry texts, or at best to be ghosted / left on read for a week (the way she did when we admitted we feel uncomfortable during family gatherings & wanted to bring gf). expects her to tell father & cut off our car insurance and all remaining (admittedly pitiful/pathetic) financial support.

- panics, turns phone she can contact completely off.

- cue today.

- goes to appointment with employment specialist, prepares to have them talk to new job about accommodations as soon as this job sees that we're worth keeping. specialist says am easy to work with because I already know what accommodations I need and what I need in a supportive workplace. calls me “very capable”. feels a little better.

- leaves appointment. anxiety builds again.

- gets home (~10:30a)

- terrified to turn phone back on. still haven't (12p).

~~~~

....It's been one heck of a day and a half. I'm reeling with how bold that boundary was and how it's been a long time coming but I still feel “mean” and like I'm “a bad son” for letting on how hurt I actually feel.

~Nico

[wowbright]

Putting this link here as a person with OCD to give the Glee fandom permission to (1) not headcanon Kurt Hummel as having OCD because of that one episode, since not everybody with compulsions has OCD (2) not be disappointed in Glee for not giving Kurt an ongoing OCD plot line after that episode (3) not feel like you have to apologize for liking that episode or Kurt's character development in that episode.

Now, if you want to do those things, it's fine with me. I just get tired of seeing people apologize for liking things because they feel like that episode (or not depicting Kurt's compulsive behaviors after that episode) must inherently be offensive or disrespectful to people with OCD. It might be offensive to some people with OCD, but I didn't find it offensive, and I doubt that I am alone in that.

Given what we got from Glee, it appears to me that Kurt had compulsions but not obsessions, and that his compulsions did not interfere significantly with his life or create anxiety. They actually seemed to relieve anxiety, except for that one incident about shirt color where he got into it with his dad. Now, we don't know this for sure, because it's TV and outside of the internal monologues, we don't really know what's going on inside a character's mind. But it's totally conceivable to me that Kurt did/does not have OCD. It's also conceivable to me that his compulsions could worsen and get out of control, which *would* be OCD.

You could really go either way with it, which is why we have meta and fan fiction.

And if you feel like any part of the description of OCD in that page is unclear, you're welcome to ask me about it. I haven't experienced every obsession and compulsion listed on that page, but I do know that the anxiety levels produced by both are all-absorbing and hellish and significantly interfere with carrying out activities of daily living, and I can talk more about what that means if anyone needs it.

[lixnininotnay]

■ LIXNI'S ARCHIVES

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬: Closed.

Getting myself ready.

I'm taking books recommendations.

��𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬:

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: All the mistakes you made (A Yandere!Hank J. Wimbleton X Reader Story).

𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭.

i. about me

Greetings, and welcome to my blog! You all can call me Lixni, Mad or Morgana, I go by she/her pronouns, but I don't think I would mind if somebody use any other. I'm really social awkward and timid even in the internet, and being a straightforward to avoid weird situations, I have social anxiety and autism, so sorry if I end up being weird or sounding rude, it wasn't my intention. But it would be lovely to meet and talk to some of you.

My favorite aesthetic is dark academia, I love to draw, to read, anime(my favorite is Violet Evergarden), pink, coffee, tea, and I'm trying to get myself back on writing. Sometimes I have a hard time to understand jokes and take a lot of time to write because I try to over analyze everything, so please be patient. For now I only write for a few fandoms, but I'll be adding more as the time pass and if you don't like a certain one I recommend blocking the tag(it also goes to the yandere and dark themes ones). Oh! I will also show my oc's here! They may appear in some stories and I will post about them from time to time.

In first hand, I was planning to make this blog yandere-only, I think terror and those characters are interesting and I want to go deeper on how they act, besides the fact I like to explore insanity and declining mental health in my creations. I don't romanticize them or any of the things they do, but I don't judge if you like them, as long it's fictional.

But I will write non-yandere too so I get out of my comfort zone and free my hopeless romantic self. I really need to learn how to express myself better and I want to practice so maybe I become a writer in the future.

And if you're trying to look for some specific fanfic but can't find the fandom Masterlist, try looking in the 'Lixni's Divine Purgatory' one.

ii. fandoms

⌦ Friday night funkin'

⌦ Madness combat

iii. what I write + rules

⌦ Headcanons (the max is 3 characters per ask), drabbles, interactions, one-shots and stories(the last one I am going to write more seldom compared to others).

⌦ Yandere and non-yandere.

⌦ Romantic and platonic.

⌦ I am not going to write: Non SFW, character x character, poly, children (unless it's platonic, but not yandere), a/b/o, platonic yandere, pregnancy, mythical creatures(vampires, demons and angels are okay depending on the fandom), anything that involves the reader being not real or things like that.

⌦ Neutral and female reader(when it's female I will tell in the title).

⌦ I have the right to refuse any requests. Spamming, hate messages and complaining only will you get you blocked.

⌦ I take my own time when writing, no rushing.

⌦ I can't write:

▪︎ Trans!reader(I'm not trans and to be honest, I don't understand the concept of gender, so, sorry).

▪︎Specific body type.

▪︎Mental illness or disorders, beacause:

I'm not a psychiatrist/psychologist/professional of any sort. I search some occassionally, but probably I won't get it right.

Even if I have some of them, every disorder can act different in each person, I'm not going tell everything I have, but for example, I have autism and don't feel comfortable with visual contact, but there are autistic people who are ok with it.

⌦ If you really have the necessity of some comfort, like a emergency, put '🏵' at the end of your requests and I will try to get it done as fast as possible. It's for the ones who need it. If I notice any 'smarty' is doing this just because they want their request quick and not because they need it, you're getting blocked.

vi. anon list

(Please choose an emoji or nickname and tell your pronouns if you want to be an Anon)

Love y'all! ❤

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┓

 Runing fandoms since

August 11, 2021...

┗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┛

[kinktae]

jesus christ I'm so sorry to hear you're in a similar, if not worse situation than I am. school is just so stressful and anxiety inducing and people here are assholes. like as bad as paris level asshole which says a lot believe me. I wish I could give you advice but I've never been through college and honestly I have no clue what it's like here or in france. honestly you should clear up your schedule a bit too for next semester/trimester - french anon

I am taking four classes next semester!!! So yes definitely!

Anonymous said: but if I can be honest my schedule for second year (dunno what it’s called sorry) is worse. once again I have no prep - AP US history (I know nothing about this), AP Chemistry, also know little about chemistry and lack the english vocabulary, another honors english class, combining two honors french classes which shouldn’t be a problem but I’m from the country and it’s like satori in korean it’s completely different from standard french for me. like hillbilly french ig- french anon

HILLBILLY FRENCH HAHAHAH. Also, second year is called sophomore year! AP US History, damn girl that is a tough, even for an American. I would see if you can drop out of that class and switch it to something easier like AP Environmental Science (if that’s an option.) But I’m sure if you dedicate yourself you should be able to get through it

Anonymous said: after that we have honors algebra second year, I barely know anything about geometry and trigonometry. I don’t even know how to say trigonometry in french like what? I have another high level music class and then another year of a third language in honors. I don’t even have a study class (hall?) next year and I am in three sports so I practice more than a full time job works, and then I go to school. I think I really messed up here - french anon

Thats so weird bc my french teacher taught us that trigonometry was just le trigonométrie. Anyway, you don’t need to know geometry/trig to understand algebra. They say if you hate geometry then you will love algebra. Algebra is like chemistry but chem has science mixed in. (Also remember that colleges only require that you take two years of the same language in high school, which means you don’t have to take it your third year.)

Anonymous said: I just want to be on the right medication for my mental disorders so that maybe I don’t live off of two pieces of bread everyday for two weeks only to have it happen again. it’s frustrating! I want this to be over! and no offense america but literally why trump he makes everything worse and your politics system makes no sense. like at least in france I don’t have to be aware of it but here it’s literally everywhere you go. - french anon

Ah I hope they can find the right medication for you! As Trump, hahhhhh I have many thoughts on that man as a child of two immigrants. I don’t want to get too into it but just know that the majority of Americans DID NOT vote for him, I think only 47% of Americans actually voted for him lol idk i don’t understand the government

Anonymous said: your language is really weird by the way. I know I’m french and can’t say that technically bc french is just as bad but literally @ english why. grammar sucks. sentence structure sucks. PRONUNCIATION AND SYLLABLE STRESS SUCKS. contractions are weird. there’s literally almost no point to them in english? and overall the people here suck w welcoming foreigners like I cannot tell you how many times someone impersonated my accent to make fun of me. - french anon

LMAO I FEEEEEL. Also I’m sorry people are being shitty ugh. Americans are sometimes too blunt and speak without thinking, we don’t even realize sometimes when we are being rude.

Anonymous said: I said it before too, and I will most definitely say it a bunch more. your. school. system. sucks. ass. it can suck my ass, slap my thigh and call me george for all I care and I would still not think it’s funny despite being an awful joke. I hope your life improves though bc you just don’t deserve this the only human I can think of in america that deserves the shit of their own system is moldy tangerine himself. rip american students. - french anon

MOLDY TANGERINE SDKFJSKJF I personally see him more as a stale cheeto.

Anonymous said: but honestly from what I can tell college sucks. fake news. exams are stressful as heck and if you do good no one but your anxiety rewards you bc I’m the same way, I live off of my grades and atm I have a D+ in English and a C in AP World History. I’m far behind and the final is this week oops. but honestly like,,, why. just why. you only get degraded if you fail and nothing good happens if you pass like what is the point. - french anon

College is actually really really great when you don’t overload yourself with work. There is so much freedom and you can take literally ANY class you can think of. I could take a class all about rock n roll music if I wanted to at my university. Also, I guess if you pass a class, then you get to go to more school. Yay(?)

Anonymous said: I’m going to keep you in my thoughts amour, because I really hope things get better and you get the courage to attend your classes. sorry for going off again in your inbox it’s probably annoying to have some stupid freshman ranting about the school system when your situation seems to be way worse than mine. I hope everything goes well, don’t worry about writing for your followers bc we’d rather you do it for fun than force it. - french anon

Anonymous said: it’s a lot easier to read when it flows naturally from your thoughts (and as someone who stRuggles w reading on occasion I know and I can tell bby). please take your time and prioritize you. please. I’m begging. I can’t imagine what your situation is like but it does not seem fun. so don’t feel any pressure from here and focus on what’s a lot more important. I believe in you, I believe you can pass english. I know you can. okay I’m done, sorry again. je t'aime, mon amour, salut

Ahh you are too sweet. I will prioritize my time. Also psshhh you don’t bother me at all. I mean, we are technically both “stupid freshman.” You’re a freshman in high school and I am a freshman in college ;) Thank you for your kind words, te amo, je t’aime and I love you