#and again hes the only guy i got rn and i thought itd be a funny bit lmao

[ryssbelle]

Bro didn't even get a chance

Wanted to try my hand at the drawing Otto with your oc trend, but like this little guy is the only one I got so here they are in da void.

I thought this would be a funny bit but realized halfway through it was very similar to one felsicveins already did here but again I was already halfway done so I was like screw it I'm finishing it XD

Otto belongs to @felsicveins

[raspberry-vinaigrette]

thought of how software by nick lutsco is soooo abel coded

I saw how you suffered

And I was covered in shame

I take offense at my comfort

And never remember your names

"you" in the first line is scott -- abel is ashamed of how 01_01 suffered due to abel trying to bring scott back, but ultimately in the next lyrics he refuses to let himself be comfortable in life without either the grief of losing scott or the joy of having scott back. he doesn't try to remember the names of the other managers after scott dies because hes practically just waiting until the day one of them can be scott.

I am blaming the software

There’s something wrong with the code

Then we fight for solutions

As if we’re screaming at ghosts

It’s all a part of the display

It only adds to the pain

I left my car on the freeway

And I'm never going back again

the first two lyrics is ... literally him trying to figure out how to bring scott back. he figures if he just reoptimizes the code a bit more, itll be like scott never left and everything will be worth it. he'll be a person again. "then we fight for solutions / as if we're screaming at ghosts" is abel trying to find a solution to his grief over scott, but it's a losing cause. he is both literally arguing with ghosts (the people who have died in the name of becoming scott) and metaphorically doing so (trying to argue for something that is intangible). "it's all a part of the display / it only adds to the pain" because 01_01 was marketed but that only made abel feel worse when 01_01 kept failing to be scott, along with the subsequent five managers and every phone guy after that abel got to witness... "i left my car on the freeway / and i'm never going back again" is a bit more of a stretch but like. cars are vehicles typically used to get somewhere or get away from somewhere, a means of transport. in this sense, abel has stagnated. hes still trying to get to the same goal by some means but hes rejecting the one way that will get him there reliably. he is going towards a cause he keeps sabotaging himself on and the cause (bringing back scott) was doomed from the start !!! my brains kinda short circuiting cuz im tired rn but i have THOUGHTS on this.

I keep surmising you’re next And my indifference withdraws I begin pulling you closer And mourn each passing day lost It’s like I’m fighting a sickness Convincing me we’re already gone Sometimes it feels like God is a DJ And “Tribulation” is His favorite song

first two lines are about abel w/ the five managers after scott passes... he keeps sending the five managers to their deaths and while hes a dick in the name of having scott back, each time he might be able to have scott back he softens a bit in the face of it. he keeps pulling the memory of scott closer and mourning him just as badly, and itd likely be hard for that not to leech into when the five managers get closer to being "scott". but then his hopes are shattered again, of course. also on the "tribulation is His favorite song" line -- tribulation can literally mean "an experience that tests one's endurance, patience, or faith" and especially with scott being treated like almost a deity in how highly hes spoken of ... abel believing that all the pain hes going through is a test of faith in scott... aauagh.

this is part headcanon and all but its still interesting to think about in terms of application and interpretation of canon events methinks ↕️🙂

[btw... @rratskill @antiquecandlekitty sorry for pings but i think yall would like this... feel free to tell me not to mention yall in the future if that bugs you :)]

[chocottang]

(looks at the time, midnight) perfect time for posting!

silly little animatic for a silly little au i will yap about under the cut. but basically, the shadows are humans, and gold is the illegitimate son of mr. golden, so he has to deal with lots of shit. also i KNOW the audio is not synced but IM NOT editing that again. i refuse

ok i will probably not make an actual comic or anything for the au so ill just tell you all about it rn even though im eepy and thus will probably forget things. also i didnt read through All Of That a second time so im sorry if theres mistakes or incomprenhensible sentences

uhhh the idea came to me bc i wanted to make human versions of shadows, but i thought itd be boring if all the shadows were just twins of their human with the exact same trauma. dont get me wrong its very interesting to see two characters deal with the same issues very differently but when its ALL of the pairs it can get boring (to ME, this is just my own feelings). so i went hey, famous people seem to never stop cheating, what if we did that instead? and boom gold illegitimate son was born. also when i say mr. golden i dont mean golden's dad, i mean golden and joy's grandpa. I KNOW. GROSS. thats kinda the point. it also wasn't like, a one night stand that went wrong, this man had a whole ass second family. technically not cheating though bc his wife was already dead, but still not good.

so. gold was just living his silly little normal life with his mom and semi-absent father (they would say he was just very busy with work and travelled abroad and all that, which is the exact same excuse he'd give golden when he want visit gold)(also gold's mom was very much aware of the whole thing from the start) when suddenly him and his mom got into a car accident. gold got scars and a broken arm, while his mom took most of the blow. her upper body was mostly okay bc gold was able to see the car coming from her side and instinctively pulled his mom away, but he could only move her upper body to the side, and her lower back and legs took the blow. so, with his mom hospitalized, the authorities obviously asked him to call his dad to come over. so he did, and mr. golden showed up. and obviously the news immediatly caught on to this and made it a scandal. the local rich old guy with a company that has always had a brand of helping society with their innovations turned out to have a second family, and a son who is around his grandchildren's age. how could u NOT report that. anyways, gold's mom needs to be hospitalized for AT LEAST a couple of months, so gold moves in with his dad. and of course, has to face his dad's "official" family.

now, gold had known that he was "illegitimate" for a while now. it was kind of impossible to ignore with golden's popularity. but he had never really processed it fully, it was sort of an unspoken thing that everyone in the household was aware everyone else knew, but no one wanted to mention it. as if by doing so it would suddenly become real and break the illusion of their "perfect" little family. but now he has to deal with the hard truth (and new trauma due to the car crash! yay!). he decides to try and "compensate" the heavy blow that his dad's reputation took for his, uh, existance, and decided to start helping around the company. he immediatly starts taking way too much work, because he feels guilty and wants to feel validated by his dad, to feel like he's also his "real" family, that he deserves to be called his son. and also because he never got that much attention from him anyways. he's now deathly afraid of losing his family, after almost losing his mom, so he tries his absolute best to be everything his dad wants and do everything he says. he was always kind of a pushover, because his dad was always emotionally distant and bareley showed up, but he had his mom around to compensate, but now that he feels he could lose her at any moment, that flaw skyrocketed in intensity.

that attitude also translates with the rest of the family, especially the cousins: golden, joy and jay. golden DOES NOT trust gold. he's convinced that gold started working in the company because he only wants the money, or the fame, or maybe the whole company (since gold would technically be before golden in the heritage, itd be much easier). but that's mostly his own trauma regarding feeling used for money by almost everyone he loves acting up. golden also dislikes gold bc he reminds him of the things he hates about himself, bending over backwards just to get affection from the old fart. soo yeah golden has issues and gold kind of embodies all of them (like a shadow. get it. haha.)

joy tries VERY hard to be nice to gold and seem accepting and like she's okay with all of this but she has very conflicting feelings. she always kind of idealized her grandpa, so knowing that he actually sucks is kind of driving her crazy (she is unaware of how much golden is fucked up bc honestly shes got fucked up in similar ways, having to appeal to her parents for affection and working her ass off as a maid basically, so it just seems normal). also, she feels iffy about gold, she doesn't distrust him like golden, she truly believes gold is just a normal kid, but she's VERY frustrated about the fact that he started working for the company just like that. she always wanted to work alongside her grandpa, she thought the company's ideals were lovely, but she was always shut off because she's a girl. so she explored her passion for music, which was encouraged, but only as a hobby, while golden got to make a succesful career out of it with the help of the family. and now this random kid who had never had ANYTHING to do with the company is working for it and being taught everything she wanted to know. it's completely unfair and it makes her seethe. but she knows its not gold's fault, and she keeps excusing her family, so she just hides it and hides it and tries to pretend she's okay with all of this.

jay is the only person who seems to be ok with gold. she loves attention and she hates being bored, so a sudden family scandal that gives them tons of media attention and makes all of her posts blow up is literally perfect for her. and it's all thanks to gold! she doesn't find him especially interesting as a person, but everything surrounding him is. and hes a total pushover! so she gets to make him carry her stuff, do things for her and crack jokes at his expense all she wants. she also just finds is funny that he's technically her uncle. gold knows that she's taking advantage of him, but he doesn't mind that much, because she at least doesnt hate him like golden and joy seem to do. and sometimes she's not an asshole, sometimes she genuinly enjoys his presence. let's just say that the bar is in hell

also. if i did things right u will probably tell that gold is fat, especially in comparison to the cousins. and thaaats because the golden family is actually naturally fat, but grandpa encouraged them to be thin to "protect them from the media". golden and jay have quite unhealthy habits, while joy just eats healthy and exercises, which is why she's not stick thin. since gold was never meant to be in the public eye he was allowed to just exist so hes a normal kid who doesnt give a fuck. other design notes, the broken arm and scars represents gold's face markings and completely black hand. and i gave him glasses because everyone gives him glasses and i think thats awesome

also uhh he becomes friends with the villains (who are the student council)nbecause owynn wants to get that golden family clout. gold joins the council as an assistant because hey! being useful! he's good at that and it may earn him a friendship. there he meets cami and they immediately recognize that they're similar. always doing what someone asks, always so serious, always calm and efficient, working towards their goal, never taking up space. soo they spends more time together (also bc gold is her assistant) and start leaning on each other. they become close. they also like that they're so blunt with everyone and each other, it makes conversation easier for them. and also they have a crush on each other because of course they do im PREDICTABLE.

uhhh idk if i have anything left to say if u read all of that hi. i love you

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Some of you have probably noticed that I havent made a liveblog post in a while. Well, thats because I usually read on the bus and during my classes and then I come home and summarize my thoughts on the 2-5 chapters I read after theyve marinated in my head for a little while, but unfortunately i appear to be incapacited at the moment so I cant do that. But because its been weeks and I dont wanna forget anything and I would very much like to finish this series soon, I'll try to read at home sometimes from now on. Since my brain is still a lil mush Im gonna do what I did for my last post, which is write down what Im thinking as Im reading instead of summarizing all my thoughts retroactively, except this time I have my german copy on hand so if I want to quote something it'll be a translation

Anyway, with all that said, welcome to my twisted mind, please enjoy my thoughts on A Court of Mist and Fury Chapters 40

Chapter 40

Ive been wanting to say this for a while now but i kept forgetting, but they translated 'winnowing' as 'den Wind spalten' ['splitting the wind'] and that is objectively so much cooler, shoutout to my gal Alexandra Ernst for that

Feyre being like "ugh, its so pathetic how these human guards think they could stand a chance against even one of us" hurts me so much you guys what have they done to my girl

Once again, its apparently perfectly fine if Rhysand doesnt tell Feyre anything "because she never asked" but if Tamlin doesnt tell her anything when she never asked hes the devil

Also once again, Feyre is perfectly not-triggered at Mor wearing a scarlet dress

Idk how to explain this, but Rhysand saying that Feyre is wearing a golden crown because "she looks so good with it, how could he not give her one" is somehow the perfect encapsulation of the hollowness of her High Lady title

Oh, of course three of the queens only showed up to watch the other two talk, itd be too hard to write dialogue if they actually participated in this important conversation

hello???? Feyre referring to humans as "your kind" ??? wth is going on

"every side bears some blame" hey rhysand ive got a question for ya. which side enslaved the other again

everytime the oldest queen does anything the prose feels the need to remind me of how old and wrinkly she is and its like, i get it, shes OLD

The oldest queen is spitting so hard rn, Im not even gonna question how they heard of the night court when Feyre, who lived closest to Prythian for many years, didnt know anything aout the individual courts prior to getting there herself, Im just gonna put her whole little monologue here: "Oh? [...] The High Lord of the Night Court asks that we join him so that we can save lives together? Fight for peace? And what about the lives that you have taken during your long, despicable existance? What about the High Lord who shrouds himself in darkness and destroys the mind of those who stand in his way? [...] We have heard of you on the continent, Rhysand. We have heard of what the Court of Night is capable of, what you do to your enemies. Peace? I wouldn't have thought that you - a man who enslaves the minds of others and kills them out of pure enjoyment - even know that word."

Anyway, she was spitting absolute bars and Feyre gets super mad about it and almost commits arson but manages to reign herself in and its like girlie, why are you so upset? one of the first things we find out about the night court in this book is that they apparently indiscriminately kill (or atleast torture) anyone who crosses the night court border without permission like theyre the fucking us government, i think the bad reputation is justified

Forgive me if I sound callous, but I have absolutely no sympathy for Rhysand flinching at the mention of Amarantha when Feyre didnt even use her name and is also talking about how she fucking DIED AT HER HANDS

God, I feel like I have something to say about every single line this post is gonna be like 10 thousand words long by the time Im done

So lets take it from the top; Feyre tries to convince the mortal queens to give them the half of the book by recounting to them how much everyone suffered under Amarantha and how she was gruesomely beaten to death and then revived, which is not a compelling argument to me, who actually witnessed all of that, much less these queens who have barely any context for anything shes saying right now

The oldest queen is like "you dont know anything about anything" which is true what the fuck does Feyre know about whats going on in the human world or even the fae world at large, and then Rhysand growls "dont you dare talk down to her!!" because shes passionate and speaking from the heart or whatever and its like, okay, shes still not good at politicking or even just basic negatioation and shes talking to a seasoned politician who old as fuck

Like, if Feyre was actually smart, she wouldve long since realized that she couldnt convince these queens to protect this little slip of land right up to prythians border and been like "okay, you dont wanna protect the land, but can you atleast organize an evacuation so you can atleast save the people" Sure, they definitely still wouldnt have agreed to that because its a sjm book and theyre written to be comically evil, but it would atleast demonstrate Feyre being a little savvy, because right now all we're getting is her being stupid and stubborn in a situation where she really cant afford that

god, im just now noticing how pissed off I am, its been bleeding into my commentary and its not gonna stop, Im sorry. wait no, if youre reading this youre probably looking for negativity, so youre welcome, actually

Anyway, Rhys also says that Feyre is a kindhearted soul looking out for people who cant defend themselves even though she definitely thought that those human guards were pathetic for wanting to defend themselves when she and the other fae were soooooo much more powerful and he definitely knows that because the mental bond is fully open during this meeting and he chastises the queens for being selfish and cowardly when its like, my brother in christ you are doing the exact same bullshit, but atleast the queens are defending a wholeass continent while hes defending one (1) city. and iirc that city ends up getting attacked and destroyed anyway so good job my guy

Theres something so oddly biblical about the story Mor is telling about Miriam, down to her name being Miriam

That island thats removed from time is such bullshit istg

Is it just me or have these bozos not actually explained what they even need the other half of the book for. theyre just like "we need to stop this war and we'd like peace between humans and fae" and its like cool, hows the book gonna help with that though

im sorry, feyre wants to punch that old woman in the face????

the chapter ends with Elain being like "I hope they burn in hell" and i get that, they just straight up said that they want to abandon a whole bunch of people (them included) to die if a war breaks out, but you cant say that the night court girlies are not also at fault for being so fucking bad at politics

[yibuo]

Hey, I love your blog ❤️. Can I ask for Uniq full story? I've seen a bits of it online but it's such a mess I can't figure out what's truth. Have a nice day 😁

FUNNY how i received this ask when i was crying about wenhan’s baby angel voice in best friend just earlier

tldr if i ever meet du hua it’s on SIGHT

LOL okay idk if this is the FULL story i probably won’t include details and stuff because i didn’t closely follow uniq during their whole hiatus thing (i had the brainpower to stan one group at a time but now look at me TWO kpop groups AND i’m starting to follow a cpop group AND pd camp 2020 AND am constantly fuming at yibo and xiao zhan’s management agencies for ruining their idol groups )

pls correct me if i’m wrong im small brain ok i’m putting this in keep reading bc it’s too long and a ramble

tldr thanks yuehua for messing w/ 5 guys’ dreams.. even though they’re successful they’re not able to do what they originally wanted to

also there’s this legendary video dragging yuehua

also thank u for ur love sweetie i love u too xoxo i hope ur having a wonderful day/evening/night!

LOOL anyway so uniq is a korean-chinese boy group formed under yuehua ent which has korean and chinese management ... you probably know other kpop artists from yuehua like wjsn (co-managed by starship) or everglow... if you’re into cpop there’s next/next7...anyway they have 3 chinese members(yixuan, wenhan, and yibo) and 2 korean members (sungjoo and seungyoun) and they debuted in 2014 with falling in love, promoted btwn china and korea, released a couple of osts (for like, teenage mutant ninja turtles and madagascar lol lol lol) and then in 2015 they came back w/ eoeo (if you’re into kpop you probably know eoeo at least) it’s their most well-known song, and this comeback was w/ their first (and only lol lol) ep/mini album.

they started garnering a good amount of attention and started to appear on more variety shows in korea and china, started promoting in japan, they even went to brazil in a fanmeet that’s pretty cool lol , (but...why didn’t they solidify uniq’s position in kr/ch with their momentum instead of sending them to different countries??? we love money-minded yeehaw entertainment)

and then china’s hallyu ban happened (which is something that i never really understood and never took the time to fully research because it hurt my brain) but essentially chinese govt restricted k-entertainment from profitting in china because politics, for example a lot of kpop tours and fanmeets got cancelled. and this put uniq in a difficult position because they’re split between being based in china and korea, but eventually the ban got lessened (there’s still tension but like, there’s literally adore u playing in the camp of pd camp 2020 ep 2 so like lol) but yeehaw made NO efforts to maintain the group musically b/c they’re money-minded cows and if they split uniq up into a kr and a chinese unit they can’t make as much money as if they sent the members into acting.... (literally there’s an interview from a couple yrs back where xuan talks about how itd be nice to make music but it doesn’t make as much as acting does in china :-(( ) so while they still had events in japan, they didn’t do much together in their main bases, and acted a lot cool cool

one thing i never understood is why yuehua never just pushed them more in the kr market...there are so many groups in the k-industry w/ chinese members (i literally STAN one, my ULT is a chinese member in a kpop group what the HECK)...but making money right lol anyway so xuan, wenhan, and yibo went into acting in china (and yibo is an mc on day day up), and acting takes up sm time, (gonna quote my chinese friend here who’s a sad wjsn ot13 stan who misses cheng xiao, mmq, and wxy, once ur popular in china it’s goodbye kpop) and sungjoo went into acting in korea (if you’ve ever watched my secret terrius or the disaster that was liar and his lover w/ joy, sungjoo is in those lol) and seungyoun continued to produce and release music as woodz and luizy

but it’s sad because they all trained for so long to perform on the stage as 5 but yuehua’s shitty management in the hallyu ban crisis thing really screwed them over...in terms of being on the stage like come on! THEY HAVE TALENT.. ok in early 2018 they released an ep and in dec 2018 they released their single monster (last single together lol), but again, no group promotion, no being able to perform on the stage, no nothing (oh yeah also yibo was a dance mentor on produce 101 china in 2018 nice)

2019 was a good year for most of the members:

-wenhan went on qcyn (youth with you season 1, the second show in the idol producer franchise) and got 1st, debuting in unine which he’s currently a part of, and got to perform on the stage after years of not being able to, thanks yuehua

-yixuan went on all for one (another survival program from youku), also got 1st, and debuted in new storm

-yibo (as we all know) acted in the untamed and became ultra-popular for his well-roundedness

-seungyoun went on the 4th season/spinoff of produce 101 in kr called produce x 101 and got 5th place, debuting in x1, which later disbanded, THANKS MNET THAT’S ANOTHER STORY BUT anyway i don’t think seungyoun was rigged into place, does yuehua even care that much?? lmOA he was so loveable on px101 and i think the move perf rly sealed the deal for everyone

-sungjoo...was done dirty by yeehaw...he’s a MAIN VOCAL he has SOLo potential but yeehaw just put him in the dungeon thanks.. and he recently enlisted in the army not too long ago

oh also sungjoo, xuan, and yibo performed monster + eoeo together at yuehua’s 10 anniversary concert...seungyoun wasn’t there because of x1 and wenhan performed with unine

wow yeehaw really thought they deserved a 10th anniversaryy celebration LMFAO

***the members are still part of uniq though, survival shows are weird

anyway as we can see each member is talented in their own way and uniq is an unfortunate case of yuehua not knowing how to manage people lol but if you watch their shows you know that they’re genuine and tight-knit, and even though they might not be together rn, in their hearts they’re still a part of uniq (cue pics of their weibo usernames having uniq in them, cue wenhan spamming his dad’s video with “UNIQ IS STILL TOGETHER” when his dad talks about how uniq disbanded) and they haven’t forgotten their identity of being part of uniq even as they get older. their contracts expire in 2022 and w/ kim sungjoo in the army, who knows if they actually will make a comeback but this is why everyone hates yuehua and everyone misses uniq bye

again i know they’re successful individually, i know seungyoun’s able to produce his own music, yibo’s able to turn his hobbies into work, wenhan and yixuan are still able to perform on a stage, they came here for uniq and got separated w/o them ever wanting to

[mithliya]

hi, a long time follower on rnortal here,i just got back from a very long hiatus and i wanted to catch up! ive read ur about section and im just really curious about ur current life since back when i was still following you a few years back you still identified as a bi, had a boyfriend with a (i assume) very heavy ddlg kink. (you had rules etc.) do you regret having that experience with him? are u anti-ddlg now? i hope you dont mind me asking, im just very curious /a fellow noncis nonhet dude

damn thats a long hiatus,,, i couldnt have been older than 17 based on what youve mentioned so at this point what ur referring to was like 6 years ago minimum!! but ill go into the stuff u mentioned 

during my teen years i was very lost to say the least, i could not make sense of my feelings, what had happened to me, and what i was going thru. it was like i was living this years-long nightmare where i was dissociated and hopeless consistently. at this point, most of it is a blur, like my life from 14 up until late 17 is mostly just a series of disturbing flashbacks to me. that boyfriend ur referring to was Obsessed with me like. he was into me ever since i was 11 and everyone in school knew it. i wasn’t interested and thought he was gross and annoying, and that continued to be the case until i was 14. months into being 14, i had gotten raped and that just changed my whole approach to everything. i felt like saying no to anyone made no sense anymore, bc my worth and dignity had already been taken away from me and my boundaries wont be respected and are meaningless so i might as well just say yes. after word had spread of what happened to me around school, most people turned against me and there was like, a handful of people who were still by my side. one of them was the not-yet boyfriend. people around me would also repeatedly tell me “if you don’t date him, you’re going to be making the biggest mistake, no one will love you like he does!” so like all those things coupled up together.. i just went with it basically. even though i did tell him repeatedly i didnt want to be with him, he was persistent and i had it in my head that if i said no itd be 1. pointless bc id be forced into it somehow 2. a mistake and lost opportunity and 3. saying no to the only person who will ever love me. so i just.. gave in? anyways during that relationship, i was pretty deep into self-harming, and he had a weird thing for that. he eventually confessed to me that hes sexually aroused by my age regressing (a symptom of my trauma i had no understanding of nor was i conscious to it). i just went along with it really.  

when i was about 15, there was this girl i had strong feelings for which i did not understand at all, before then i hadn’t really been conscious of my feelings? so i texted my then-boyfriend (same guy as previously mentioned, it was a long distance relationship for most of that relationship and at the point im talking about rn) and was like wow theres this new girl in my class and i feel this strong connection to her and just want to be around her etc, and i told him i have no idea what those feelings mean or how to explain them and his stupid ass said “now you understand how i feel about you” (bc i couldnt for the life of me comprehend attraction basically and kept asking him how being into someone felt). so then i was like huh and thats when i started to think, ok i must be bi bc obviously i cant possibly not be into men but im definitely into women. so i stuck with that up until i was 17. from the age of 17 tho, i started to question it bc i realised i just.. didnt find men attractive, and i felt like i owed the then-boyfriend a lot bc he stuck by me during the time i was raped but i still found him repulsive and didnt want to be with him. i came to a conclusion at 18 and told him multiple times and tried to end it multiple times but he refused to let it end the same way he refused to not be in a relationship w me but this time i knew i just couldnt stick around as i was conscious of my feelings and was tired of living a lie.

SO now to answer ur questions, i do regret a lot of it yeah and i wish i could just rewrite or erase that entire section of my life bc it was the worst part of my life and years later it still makes me feel sick to my stomach. i would do things and agree to things, and itd cause me so much pain and misery and worsen my suicidal behaviour and self harm, and id just... do it again. the people in my life knew there was something off and i wasnt happy but nothing anyone said could change my mind.

 i was anti-ddlg before i turned 18,, but he was also often on my blog so i mostly just stayed quiet on that until i was 18. i think ddlg is pretty pedophilic in a lot of ways, its often men acting out their pedophilic fantasies on women who are often traumatised and disturbed. and i think a huge portion of the ‘daddy doms’ are pedophiles, including the one i was involved with. so yes i am anti-ddlg. 

theres a lot i didnt go into here but i didnt wanna write like an entire thesis on this but. yeah those werent good years of my life and i wish i had help or guidance. i wish i just never got raped bc it led to one harmful thing after another for me and i feel like i couldve avoided all of that otherwise. the initial trauma i was subjected to made me weak and i had no hope so i just went along w whatever and it only fucked me up more. ive grown & changed a lot since then and even tho i still struggle today im no longer in the pain i was back then

[sikereviewdotcom]

undercover brother (2002) review

sup been a while but didnt forget about yall and your eager butts to dive head first right in the flooding words coming out of my mouth today gonna rev "undercover brother" (2002), its gonna be solid guys

so we start with an introduction where we talk about how black culture was losing its flavour after the 70s, progress was slowed down n all as we reached 2000 but dont be fooled, its all cause of a buncha events orchastred by "the man"... a big racist mf ig whos also the kkk equivalent of the team rocket boss, sitting in a ig chair, never see his face in the flashbacks or like the bad guy in inspector gadget, more like him ig since we actually see the team R boss face quite often nonetheless, theres a form of mystery folding this whole business... THE MAN acts in the shadows and he hates to see how dark those are, he wants things to be like it used to be back in slavery times good oltime for him but.. not for the fam

ofc then here is introduced THE REAL MAN OF MEN => undercover brother, our hero and damn he has the style of a whole pack of elephants trampling around in pink disco suits every ladies wanna a piece of that sweet fro he is packing up on his head, funky

ngl, the whole way this mov is filmed n edited is sike asf, dope guys especially considerin its actually made in 2002, loving it anyway then were also introduced to the other secondary protags who are from an organisation here to stop The Mans evil doings and careful: undercover bro was actually a solo act until now cause now they gonna collaborate all throughout da mov: its the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D, with conspiracy brother (tbh a fav here, guys wack like the whole plot guy thinks computer comes from a story involving peanut and idk guys he keeps rambling bout bs which makes him a+ character) smart brother, chief and sister girl (original name/10)

so btw the organization is on a mission rn at the beginning to destroy The Man (lets call him tm for the rest of this rev) financial infrastructure aka funds to stop him better or smthg and it gets spicy as they get caught but ofc undercover bro barges in from nowhere wow big disguise as an old man no one noticed him so like slash bawow boom vlam, bad guys ko and he squeedaddle out of there like twas breeze gg man, he also get fed a nice editing of xrays battle like with a side of kungfu n whatnot, undercover bro knows his stuff

nice sounds effects ah yes btw romantic intrigue with sister girl begins here, its the zinc of the flinch as ub (undercover brother) notices her big wink wink nudge nudge, btw later she is asked to go enlist him in the corps so he can help stop the man with them n shit and he trynna get her in his bed cause thats we this brother is used to, getting laid as soon as he meets a chick, who can resist this dude?

he gots moves, fro, style, skills and also at times he is a pussy but k, not everyones perf sometimes you just simp for a white blond blue eyed woman (spoiler) and crawls on all four looking like a big preppy nerd btw in this review im trynna not spoil the whole plot cause guys, this movie gotta be on yo watch list kay? im not here to ruin this experience in yo life itd be pretty uncool of me so im just gonna state the big lines then its up to you to swoop the tiny ones out of the watch, knot your own breds n stuff

back on the whooper slapping: intro credits roll, we get some nice back story for our hero, making sure we can understand his cause in saving the black peeps from TMs assholery might truth n justice be your guide

so what the big plot then? well yknow how a big antag cant do shit on his own cause hes too busy sticking brooms up his ass in his private quarters? yea well same goes here so there this gay guy who will be twerking later on btw, a scene to behold, rumps to ogle at, so hes a bad guy and gay n gonna do most of the dirty work for TM, whats new? idk what to think of it yknow its a stereotype in movs so ig ok still uncool but ill see it as all in good spirit cause theres bad n good im not excepting this to be the best watch of my life, nah it wasnt either, but i had a good laugh kay? makes up for it cause unlike some here i got no shit up my ass alley its clean scrubbed up n down so i can smoothly take a chillax up n a shit out without a night tormented by constipation, nah its all sliding where it should no pain no sweat

so the big lines is that a war hero whos a black man is gonna become president and wtf no is the only react racist mf could have which is what they have, bad guys gonna stop it from happening at once and the brotherhood aint letting it happens cause obvs something is wrong as every black peeps gonna turn into a stereotype like waddup in this mad world? its all because of the poisonous fried chicken brand TM will get around ty to another poison to make our war hero delusional n so on were also introduced to white evil she-ra later btw, just dropping this in cause undercover brother really wants to make oreos with her n sister girl (his words) ig shes the second love interest, im not too invested in this romantic intrigue it was just necessary not like twas very developped anyway its even more of a bedroom intrigue when it comes the the white blue eyed blond chick, sister girl before hoes yo

whats it in conclusion about this movie? first, the plot: hilarious biznasty worthy a+ bs especially how its turned yknow, the clichés were turned upside down n if not theyre just turned into a big satire of themselves editing + music ? yknow its actually good, and funky asf im digging it, a travel in time nostalgia of times i lived acting is pretty neat its not an ironically good movie cause its hilariously ridiculous in the making way its all about the plot here, plot twists and characters, the whole universe ig like its superior to big mamma sorta plot or maybe im dropping this comparison cause its been a while since i saw big maam, for sure twas under estimated while over brought when this here? it got freshness packed in

the spoiling was light and this is cause this movie got a 69/10 rating jk 8/10 if were gonna be serious, im gonna list wats unwoke n uncool here: 1 gay villain stereot, gotta be honest here its not that big of a deal tme seeing when it was made and how i still laughed yknow idc this much but some could go apeshit over it 2 not enough conspiracy brother content: this is all i ask for 3 had no snacks while watching the movie, too bad id dig a aj or grape soda right about now n then 4 more lines for car wash chicks jk this last one idc about, but car wash representation is lacking once again in american movies, i cant believe how looked over it is, as if they didnt need smore rep in the medias its not an easy job washing car all day long, standin in those ghost buster lookin suit while staring at the hot guys in hot wheelys, whos gonna pay you a drink when youre just an old carwash lady? thought finally a hero would step up in this movie but there it goes thrown out da window, the potential was real until it got blown away sure sister girl was a solid character but give the washers some credits cut them a slack of free time n have a lil date together there on top of a truck to keep it native

nonetheless this is a top rec for anyone who feels like slipping into some conspiracy slippers

tg, out

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[fthisimkmsing]

My notes cause I don't need them anymore (not a hail Mary attempt)

To the girl I've spent countless hours and days with I still love you more than life itself even though I may not need you i want you in my life your cute little smile when you fuck something up or when you can't reach something and you need my help your laugh and smile is euphoric and your character as a whole is amazing i love spending every waking moment with you you have been so helpful and kind to me hell you got me through many tough times and I'm sorry I am so inactive and don't like going out much I'll try to work on that but i just wnant to hold you in my arms forever and keep you close to me and safe you are absolutely drop dead gorgeous you will make a wonderful mother one day to our children or otherwise and I envy whoever you end up choosing if it's not me there's a couple of things i want to do again with you like another concert where it feels like just you and me or another round at the fair itd be wonderful i love you Rebekah so much I hope you know that and I miss you a lot too its 2 am so im gonna go to sleep goodnight  i promise if i have anymore to say ill come back and add on sleep well my beautiful angel <3 funny thing is im typing this to make myself feel better like im talking to you even though you probably won't ever see this i pray that you will find what you need in life you mean so much to me i told my new coworker about you and how gorgeous and smart you are i really wish i could just tell you all of this but you want me to stay away  i really hope we find our happily ever after whether it be together or apart but you will always be so many of my firsts and so many of my fondest memories <3 today I told my new coworker how proud I was of you getting your car and how you bought it yourself i really miss hugging you and cuddling you and seeing your gorgeous ass self you are really amazing and i love you so much I'd die/take a bullet for you in a heartbeat but today i really came to a realization you probably won't like to hear if you get back together with me i realized that even though im a little chubby and should really work out more i am the whole package I will be a great husband and have a great future and whomever decides to come along for that ride would really enjoy it i feel so if you weren't to come back you're missing out on a guaranteed great husband and great future which yes i know confidence much maybe almost downright cocky but I'm happy with what the future holds for me and whomever decides to come with me and if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times i wish it could be you i really do cause despite my being scared of you potentially cheating I have faith and deep down i know you won't cause you are honest and real with me (unless you weren't in which case awwwkwaaarrrdd) but yeah you'd be a great mother and whoever you marry will be lucky and happy they have you and same thing for me :) you know the funniest thing anytime i text anyone and so ok i love you too your name pops up first in my next word choice box cause that's what I did i loved you hell i definitely still do and for some reason if you asked me to marry you there would be no hesitation no i need time to think just one word yes cause that's who i am and that's how head over heels i am for you i want to hug you bad hell I'd give away my paycheck to fucking see and talk to you again and make you fall in love all over again you did something no one and nothing could do you made me truly happy like true true happiness i love you so much Rebekah sleep well baby girl I hope you have a fantastic day tomorrow you are the bestest ever forever <3 lol today was my first ever college football tailgate with my church college group in Greenville today was also one of those days I was sad but i wasn't at first i was fine just felt a little out of place but quickly threw myself in and i got away from everyone for a bit and checked snapchat and saw that you finally got your tattoo and I was so happy for you but sad at the same time cause I wanted to be with you maybe get one with you but sadly i missed that milestone

Im sorry for missing your first tattoo I wish i couldve been there for you and with you im so proud of you cause your tattoo couldn't be truer you are coming from nothing and making big strides that's a big accomplishment I love you hell maybe I'll get a tattoo soon you never know i saw the flirting posts that i "liked" so i unfollowed you on everything cause it hurt so much i like instantly started crying and what do they have i don't you are killing me it broke me all over again i did everything I could to make you happy i tried so hard and it feels like you're really not fighting or trying to better yourself it feels like you just want to get with someone else cause I wasn't enough for you my efforts meant nothing today a Sunday night i was with my small group and you "accidentally sent me a video of you showing off your new tattoo the day or so after i removed you from all social media since i found out unfriending doesn't make me disappear on your end so i blocked you sorry but i have to thank you for understanding and being respectful so recently I've really been going after God and it came to my attention that i was wanting you to be something you can't be and weren't designed to be aka i wanted you to satisfy me completely which is impossible only God can do that also i lusted after you so much even though i had so much love for you aswell but my lust being me using you for my benefit aka my happiness and stuff was wrong i should've been more loving aka sacrificial of myself to benefit or help you and I'm so very sorry about that i wish i couldve been a better leader for you sadly for right now at least it seems i am too late hey i just wanted to say even if we don't get back together I'm really glad i met you you were a wonderful first also you'd be proud of me i was gogogo for 17/18 hours from 4:50am to 9:53pm thats kinda insane for me lol I'm so happy today like i feel hella blessed and loved and it's not necessarily from a person i just feel so in touch with God rn i know ur probably like smh but for real im like on fire its awesome but i just wanted to let you know even though you might never see this and if you do its been a hot minute lol but it's not to hurt you it's to show you i guess my self improvement slash progression of life in general i suppose  also just wanted you to know but im sure u already do you are a really beautiful woman and I am saying that cause i can appreciate a beautiful woman you don't have priority anymore but i just wanted to let you know that god bless that was hard to explain but even that is obscure IM NOT HITTING ON YOU IM JUST APPRECIATING GOD'S CRAFTSMANSHIP BAM there we go ok so just looked at pictures of us on my phone and hot damn you fine lol (still appreciating the craftsmanship) hey its been a bit i went on a retreat with fuse and it was amazing i met a lot of guys and girls and am continuing to talk with some of the girls but the more i talk with them the more i miss talking with you i really wish we could at least be friends again but i guess not :( I'm glad I met you Rebekah you were a fantastic first girlfriend I just want you to know im not mad with you i respect your decision wholeheartedly you were great and hell I'll say it I miss you you were really fun to hang with i wish to tell you this but alas I'm here and you're nowhere to be seen in my life and I can almost guarantee you're not as affected and definitely not to the degree I am (it's not so bad for you you have to  journal your experience of life without me) part of my heart is with you and always will be because the sex we had same thing with you part of your heart will always be with me and im sorry for that today i thought about you and when you told me that you imagined us sitting on the porch in rocking chairs and it kinda made me think and i was like you probably gonna come back and I hope you do but if you don't that's highly unfortunate  it's felt like months since we saw eachother last but it's only been like 1 and a half  longest month of my life tbh

Its 9/23/19 I'm gonna talk to your mom tomorrow after i get off work to check up on how everyone is doing you will probably hear a little or everything that's going on with me it may not attract you in fact it's very possible it'll repel you but hey it really doesn't matter you're an awesome girl and I'm a pretty cool dude lol if you decide to go separate ways that is your choice and I'll respect it even if it saddens me because I'm moving forward  which is something else I never thought I'd be where i am today this early but I hope you you do come back you did make my life happier but now I'm happy even without you which is awesome I swear to never rely on you for my happiness I will look more towards the Lord and walk towards him with you by my side and no more big mistakes oh btw I talked with your mom and I'm glad I did your mom is a good mom I really miss you and your family and I keep praying for you guys and for clarity of who I'm meant to be with or if im not supposed to be with you at all and last night I dreamed about you so I think that was God telling me i need to be with you but I don't know I want to be with you don't het me wrong but I don't want to misinterpret my dreams it's now 9/27/19 and it hurt me to hear you were dating someone tbh but I'm glad you are getting out there and I'm happy for you regarding how well you are doing at church what I don't think is good is that you're dating someone that doesn't know the lord he has someone for you that knows and loves him thus you shouldn't be in that relationship in my opinion but as i said I just want the best for you

" we do bible shit"

[teddy-feathers]

So to get to work we drive to the store thats being built get into a van and go bye bye to denver. And theres this one kid (hes married and has a baby so hes not a kid i just call everyone not last gen a kid cause habit) who likes dnd and me and him show up early and he wants to talk about dnd so i figure itll be destracting and I can keep up (hes making and editing classes so no i cant but it sounds cool) but the longer we sit there the more anxious i get even after the others show up the vans not there and theyre parked down a ways from us so what do they know only the guy doesnt want to move his car and even if we moved itd be aknowledgement i was wrong and didnt know what the fuck i was doing and Then there's the van showing up literally at go time So we walk over to the competent group and i sat to make room but was actually last on the bus so then moved to have space and sit by the window instead of next to a person (only to make room i sat in the middle middle and not next to the person id been talking to so now ive been weird around two people) I just got so fn anxious about all of it and it built what felt really fast and i almost uh well freaked out so i put on my music and head phones id brought only then i worried because what id we're supposed to talk or listen only the drivers playing the radio and everyone else is listening to music so i finally calmed down but Anyways i dont know the last time i was around human people but that sucked lets not repeat it today The rest of the day was spent in actually not akward small talk but the three of us who were new new dont know how to shut up because (like talking + politeness) and i really didnt want to talk just learn so i dont fuck it up and all but i dont think that kid gets that and i dont want to be rude and i wouldnt mind listening on our breaks but at the same time IVE used a smart system a telzon know how to read them and signage and how inventory works to SOME extent because ive done some of this in a different system but still i think with a little practice I'll be fine quick fast and in a hurry but this kids only worked grocery and has no fucking clue he NEEDS to be asking questions and playing with the damn telzon and figuring this out YES its a lot to take it if youve never seen it but you cant just go "yeah brains fried after the first bit of explanation i give up for the day" because like yeah these people expect you todo and understand a lot but RIGHT NOW is the time for fuck ups because rn youre new and know jack and shit and they EXPECT that so they allow for.mistakes right? Later youll say or theyll expect you to at least have grasped it and you dont want to be that guy alone with your job and having to crib off of someone else meaning your shit doesnt meet expectations AND youre dragging down the guy next to you with basic questions. Like i get attaching yourself to people and trying to make friends i do but dude while i understand some of it some of it is wild and new and confusing and i need to get and practice but i have a base for this stuff and i get being confused and not wanting to fuck the system but at the same time you know nada. You should be the one making grabby hands at the telzon while the manager walks you through shit. Should be asking questions even the same ones until you get it because youll never be allowed to be this clueless ever again. Im an anxious individual akward and beat myself up over literally everything i almost had a panic attack in an fn van full of people almost started crying and gave up while in said van before we even left the city but i got there and i can do the job and learn the job and make sure that reguardless of my quarks i can learn and do it as fast as possible to get the learning curve out of the way as soon as possible so i can be smooth at it before they finish the training period and learn my people friendly scripts and where things are and ALWAYS try to be johnny on the spot and on top of things FIRST SO THAT LATER theyll know im competent and a good worker so theyll tolerate odd things like how akward i am and how later i wont feel allowed to fuck up or wont be forgiven it the way i am rn So FIRST you make yourself a dream worker as best as you can around you until you fit. THEN youre allowed to talk and goof off and stand around for a bit or do nothing. Right now youre allowed to be clueless but you dont want to be that guy who does nothing or doesnt seem to try to be learning because i dont care if youre new theyre sizing you up amd juding your behavior now as your work ethic too. Getting the job doesnt mean youre getting the job dude. I know im weird and mean and harsh and my thought process may not be right but dont drag me down with you. I will help i will try to show and explain and things but dude right now im not trying to be your friend except during breaks im trying to learn the job and do the job and KEEP the job and i know more than you do PLEASE please please do the SAME so that you dont give up or get in trouble because when the people were covering that topic you were trying to be buddy buddy with me. Also like if you dont shut up i cant hear him and have to ask him to explain what he JUST said over again and new or not i already look stupid i dont need help thanks.

[sleepymouses]

okay for the dashboard osmosis thingy: i gotta go twenty one pilots because i'm the person that i am, but i'm also gonna go Psych as well maybe?? (ur right it was really hard to try to think of one for you, esp one i could fact check lol)

(from this ask meme)

ahh ok, osrry for the wait, i been a busy bee, but here we go!

21p is not an amount of money in the uk (ok, well it is) but it’s also a duo of two best buds named tyler joseph and josh... something with a d maybe? durran?? i feel like googling would be cheating, and admittedly i only remember tyler’s surname bc of ur thing last night lol

anyways, so they are two best buddos and one of them is really cute with his wife, i wanna say josh but it might actually be tyler.. i think wife’s name starts with a j, like jenna or jess, and theyre like really cute #relationship #goals, like best friends in love, so that is real cool and nice! (and i also know tyler has 3 younger sibs, but u are also the only reason i know this so i wont go into that )

and idk their type of music, like.. i wanna say alternative, but that is a pretty easy generalization lol. i know one song was a vid of one of them strumming a ukulele and singing on his ownsome to increasingly bigger groups, i think i reblogged it like 500 years ago without knowing who it was, but i have since remembered/recognized it, (also i think it was a cover of i cant help falling in love with u)

and their fandom is relatively smol i think, like 1d really is an anomaly compared to the rest of bandom, in terms of the amount/variety of fanworks created, even for bands i thought were really famous and stuffs it’s like way different? (i was curiously googling panic! and fob’s fandoms the other night actually and 21p popped up a few times as like a crossover thing with them, which i thought was interesting, tho i dont know how much theyre actually linked irl?)

anyways, being a smaller fandom is probos not a bad thing tho! i imagine its got a bit more cozier, intimate feel and in an ideal world there’d be an awful lot less drama too, so i hope that is the case.

i also think that 21p fanworks are less likely taken for granted bc theyre more rare, like i feel like fans are more likely to leave comments than jsut a like or a kudos, yunno? bc they really appreciate every bit they get :)

(also lol, i rlly didnt intend for this to be as long as the les mis one but whoops)

-

and then there’s psych, which im quite annoyed to notice has been taken off of netflix now >: (i never actually saw all of it, just watched a bunch of epis in random order)

psych centers around unofficial (im p sure? cos gus also worked at a pharmaceutical company too) detectives and life long (as shown by lots of flashbacks) bffs shawn and gus, the latter of whom shawn always comes up with super ridiculous fake names for when theyre interviewing witnesses and whatnot (his name is actually burton guster tho), but that was one of the running gags

psych is a fairly light crime show, like theres murder mysteries and whatnot, but theres also lots of good banter between the leads (esp shawn n gus) and jokes and

and their main dealio is that shawn is a psychic, even tho he actually is Not, hes just extremely observant and (sometimes) smart, and gus is in on the con too, and they work for the police station together, and theres also a cop named lassy except thats not rlly his name its a nickname but i dont rmr his actual one, and his partner julia/jules, who was in a very slow build romance with shawn over the like.. 5? 7? seasons it had, it was a good big amount, & i think it had a very good build and character development n stuff bc of that, i get the feeling it was lucky enough to have a natura run of things, im pretty sure it wasnt cancelled when it ended,like it got to do everything it wanted with the storylines n stuff before it decided to wrap up? and there was a lot of different stuff in the episodes, they werent all just typical solving mystery stuffs

but fandom wise again, i think itd be quite small in terms of fanworks produced about it? it doesnt rlly seem like the type of show to have much fanfiction written about, altho im willing to bet that shawn and gus, like any pairing involving a black guy and a white guy, dont get shipped together hardly at all despite all their screen time and chemistry together. (and yes ik julia/shawn canon, but thats never stopped shippers before, so.) actually i bet shawn and lassie are one of the bigger pairings in fanfic, tho again, i dont think psych would have much in the way of that somehow?

anyways, i rmr it was goofy but enjoyable, and there were lots of episodes that made homages to other things, actually i think im gonna go try2 find an ep to watch rn tbhh, except Not on netflix anymore i guess !

[sunnybats]

Can u please tell me a little more about ur ha canons? :o it sounds v interesting 2 me!!

you best believe im gonna do this

this post is gonna be long and lame as fuck so

garbage abt tunglr user sunnybats: an illustrated guide

first off i have a notebook filled with memories n shit but its awful at the moment, i have sketches to go w the stuff in there so ill add some of those in but here are two pages that you probably wont be able to read

these are the only decent pages but anywaY

alright SO ill start w Ya Girl Terepy Pypes 

young torpezi was havin a good life when along came this Pal

tiny vasker lol

she was a bitch but i thought she was rad at the time bc she was like hey lets be buddies and she beat up anyone who was a dick to me so???? small rerez, really not thinking about the consequences or what would happen if she got on the vrisks bad side, was like “R4D” and pulled stupid shit with the spider troll 

pictured: mini rez gasping bc she has a friend for the worst reasons ever

and then ara died and i was blinded and tav lost his mcfucking mobility and it became painfully clear that vriska gave no shits about anyone other than herself

does this look like the face of a man who wants to have anything to do w you vriska lol

vriska aside me and nep rped a lot which was pretty frickin edgy of us, nep thankfully had nothing to do with vriska and had no intentions of ever having anything to do with her [equius wouldnt have let her even if she did god bless you sweaty horseman, doin the lords work]

now that i think about it my friends were definitely,, of a certain variety

coug,,h ,,,,,

anywAY

i dont remember much about being w gamzee but i know it happened???? i very much remember getting my vision back perfectly and i was ,,, shook,, and not in a good way

Lizard Bitch Cries (2017, Graphite on Paper)

also have this gamzee drawing im still tryin to figure out exactly what he looked like

uh, that probably sums up al i can think of for terep rn lol

dirk , a known homosexual,

aight so first off heres a fun fact: i did home piercings bc obviously there was no other way to get them done and i wanted my septum done. it took. a lot of time and tears and it hurt for weeks. roxy told me if i did it she’d block me. she didnt.

two hours post tragedy

and speaking of tragedies lets talk about caliborn while im not fucking dying about it

alright so imagine youre some sad as fuck gay dude whos desperate for any attention at all and you start getting harassed by some annoying dude who you hate. and youve got a crush on this guy but youre pretty sure hes only into girls [i was essentially right hes like hardly into guys], and then you have another guy who is saying awful shit about you but youre kinda into that, and hes saying that youre right, the dude youre totally weak for has zero interest in you, but guess who does in some fucked up way. if any of that makes sense.

its really fucking embarrassing. but yeah it was like? caliborn was my kismesis i guess? even though it was never really said. i would have rather died than let anyone i knew find out,,, but at the same time,, im fucking dying here squirtle please help.

during the game there was some sort of,, ????? i dont know? a physical encounter. which became a fight, which ended with him fucking off and not really contacting me ever again. my right eye got fucked up? he tried to gouge it out. a few scars across my face never really went away, but it was alright. jane had to help me pretty much not fucking die. she never found out why it happened or who did it. she didnt really press me for any details after, which was part of the reason i went to her - roxy and jake are too nosy, no offense meant.

fine art. anyway

may as well dump the remainder of the sketches i have here.

ded boy tries to find decent anime online [he doesnt succeed because there is no decent anime but no one told him that]

god tier fuckers

a jake???? i cant seem to draw him right. he usually straightened his hair and had product in, but if he didnt itd go curlyish?? kind of fluffy? it was cool.

dude mcfucking dies over the fact hes now technically cis

anyway uh???????????? idk what else to add i hope thi s wasnt completely boring,,,,,

also fun fact terezi and chiaki [from super danganronpa 2 who is Also Me] have the same hairstyle???????? what does this Mean

[clementiens]

ugghfghjdkfhgkjh i really dont know wht to do abt this

like??i want to hang out w that guy again and its fairly clear tht he also wants to hang out again, but theres still the public transportation issue and like

uhgfhgjkfh idk

like i have to put so much more thought and planning into getting around here than healthy/able-bodied ppl do, so i dont want to be like “itd be easier if we could go to the museum again but i Guess i Could make it downtown again as long as it was in this very particular timeframe” (bc of how hellish public transportation gets around like 4-5 pm)

n so far its like. its been cool. we went to the museum that first time cuz its easier for me to get to, and last time we were hanging out around union square........but i was already down there cuz i had to pick up syringes. i rly only go downtown for dr appointments or to go to the pharmacy because i have to use the subway (since my fav bus route got cut practically in half), and its just. its a lot. its all stairs no matter what the fuck i do and its just A Lot

and i feel like i COULD probably explain this, even if i was just like “hey lets maybe go to the museum actually cuz i cant rly get downtown rn”

but he was like “lmk when ur gonna be around again and we can hang out” so like....i dont know if he was just saying “we should hang out again” or if he Literally Meant next time im downtown we should hang out downtown

and even tho its a really easy ride on the subway if ur body isnt garbage. i still feel like its such an imposition to be like “i gotta plan around my garbage body” and i just. idk this is really frustrating i dont know wht to do but i gotta figure it out cuz its been a little while so i should rly text him today and stop putting it off

[challengersvschampions]

Episode 7 — “TBD” (TBD)

This swap btw? Cleared my acne... My sleeping schedule is better...... Iconic yeah.

oh im really voting out lexi callie sam and elliott out in a row at the merge huh. fuck yall for voting ting ting legend you WILL regret that!

As a lazy person, I don't wanna do this scavenger hunt because it forces me to get up and look for useless things that I may or may not have. Which is terrible and the reason I haven't done anything for the challenge yet. Also, Simon is telling people he found the idol, so I'm feeling like the previous 0.001% chance of me leaving if we lost is up to like 35%. I'm not good at math so that's possibly incorrect, but still! Not fun. 

We've only been in this game for 2 weeks and only 6 people have left and it feels like 700 days and 80 people left. I hate it. I'm flopping so hard I hate it.

[04:07:04 م] Shareef: sorry about the concert [04:07:16 م] Shareef: sounds like it would have been a bop [04:08:02 م] Shareef: god whats that one song by linkin park that was like the poster child for men who cant convey theyre emotion so they just yell [04:08:18 م] Molly: is it numb [04:08:28 م] Shareef: FKLASDJFLKJASDLKFJLAKDSJFLKJAS [04:08:29 م] Shareef: YES

[2017-07-28, 6:02:30 PM] mj ultra . _/: It was so fun hosting you, Callie. I'm glad you played <3 Hate mj. [2017-07-28, 6:07:21 PM] mj ultra . _/: ugh I wanted her to post her callie expose doc like she said she would [2017-07-28, 6:07:26 PM] Callie ♡: FUCK U SKLDAJHGSJ Anyways, glad Ting Ting didn’t have an idol and that I didn’t have to try and convince someone we would have just tried to vote out to not go to rocks but I had a plan either way so. I’m like running on no sleep and haven’t eaten in 6 days so that’s how island life is going. I’m basically out of it as you can see here… [2017-07-28, 6:26:41 PM] Callie ♡: 2 tribes..... [2017-07-28, 6:26:48 PM] Callie ♡: how many are there again [2017-07-28, 6:26:51 PM] Callie ♡: lkJHGSDHKDJSH [2017-07-28, 6:27:08 PM] Elliott: 3...... [2017-07-28, 6:29:50 PM] mj ultra . _/: ALSKFJKLS;JFDSL;KFJSDKHF;JK'SL My ass really thought that 2 tribes were going to tribal again for a good second.. ANYWAYS. [2017-07-28, 6:13:15 PM] Callie ♡: i was talking to elliott during tribal and like when the second elliott vote came up he rly thot i betrayed him… CTFU [2017-07-28, 6:13:19 PM] Callie ♡: [2017-07-28, 6:03:26 PM] Elliott: love it [2017-07-28, 6:13:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: love it [2017-07-28, 6:13:34 PM] mj ultra . _/: JLA;DSKJGKHL;DFDSL;KJLFGSDKLHF;JSK His ass still thought he was leaving after it tied 2-2… like sis… you think I kept you and I obviously am with Lexi, hi 3 votes. [2017-07-28, 6:03:49 PM] Elliott: oh my god [2017-07-28, 6:03:59 PM] Callie ♡: BYE IM SO CONFUSED [2017-07-28, 6:03:59 PM] Callie ♡: AKSJHD [2017-07-28, 6:04:09 PM] Elliott: it's me i'm sure “Confused” I asked Lexi to throw her vote :/ Anyways. A successful round. https://68.media.tumblr.com/91c1751e82418b43cc7d1a69cdb59f5e/tumblr_otp2n514li1teles0o6_400.gif The challenge? A scavenger hunt? Just looked at the tribes… and I’ll be shocked if we don’t lose. [2017-07-28, 6:16:43 PM] Callie ♡: “video” [2017-07-28, 6:16:46 PM] Callie ♡: guess we losin! [2017-07-28, 6:16:56 PM] Callie ♡: gg elliott [2017-07-28, 6:17:13 PM] mj ultra . _/: CTFU [2017-07-28, 6:17:16 PM] mj ultra . _/: ]I just spat [2017-07-28, 11:15:31 PM] Callie ♡: im elliott basically not marking down that many. he aint gon try to save himself? On 2017-07-24, at 8:07 PM, Callie ♡ wrote: > mj voice why would i save her > [2017-07-28, 11:15:43 PM] Callie ♡: i even considered doing some of the video ones. [2017-07-28, 11:15:45 PM] Callie ♡: like. Forgot to put this in the last confessional but a mood. [2017-07-27, 8:30:55 PM] Callie ♡: do u wanna work with sam [2017-07-27, 8:30:59 PM] Callie ♡: shdjhaksl [2017-07-27, 8:31:25 PM] lex: But sure she said she doesn't care who leaves [2017-07-27, 8:32:05 PM] Callie ♡: she wants to make a group [2017-07-27, 8:32:31 PM] lex: Omg my second alliance of the game IM SHOOKETH “Second�� mr krabs.jpeg I’d be voted out by now if I only had that many which is why Lexi is so iconic… surviving without doing the most. I’m up to four now though so woo! I don’t want to lose the challenge but it seems like it’s going to happen. I really need all the people on my tribe going forward because Elliott has no one and seems to rely on me (not sure if he’d be closer with Logan/Riley yet though). Sam is smart and can help with strategy moving forward and also has Molly as a number we could get. Lexi… hi 100% loyalty. Idk but I don’t have a good feeling that we’ll win and it’s annoying zzz. [2017-07-29, 4:31:49 PM] Callie ♡: we’re literally losing this challenge too [2017-07-29, 5:33:15 PM] Callie ♡: Callie ♡ added lex to this conversation [2017-07-29, 5:33:19 PM] Callie ♡: And I think I'm voting Lexi out next [2017-07-29, 5:33:35 PM] Callie ♡: Omg hey baby girl!!! Anyways, it’s a slow day so… here’s some non game related conversations… [2017-07-29, 8:13:18 PM] lex: Amanda? Yes QUEEN! [2017-07-29, 8:13:25 PM] mj ultra . _/: Yas [2017-07-29, 8:13:44 PM] Callie ♡: kim outsold [2017-07-29, 8:14:23 PM] lex: Hm? [2017-07-29, 8:14:25 PM] mj ultra . _/: The only thing Kim sold [2017-07-29, 8:14:31 PM] mj ultra . _/: Are Chelsea's modeling pics :/ [2017-07-29, 8:14:34 PM] Callie ♡: Callie ♡ has ejected mj ultra . _/ from this conversation [2017-07-29, 8:14:54 PM] Callie ♡: Callie ♡ added mj ultra . _/ to this conversation [2017-07-29, 8:15:09 PM] mj ultra . _/: I thought I was gonna be free finally. [2017-07-29, 8:15:12 PM] mj ultra . _/: Jokes on me [2017-07-29, 8:15:13 PM] mj ultra . _/: https://68.media.tumblr.com/0b11c4784ede9b6671f38aa8d80f095a/tumblr_otaj2ftwV11shp9dyo1_400.gif [2017-07-29, 8:15:14 PM] Callie ♡: fuck u kLDJHGFAJ https://prnt.sc/g20kjb https://prnt.sc/g20abt CTFUUU [2017-07-29, 8:57:23 PM] Callie ♡: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKLVpDTZOPQ [2017-07-29, 8:57:28 PM] Callie ♡: this chorus goes off [2017-07-29, 8:57:46 PM] mj ultra . _/: foster the ppl.......... [2017-07-29, 8:57:47 PM] mj ultra . _/: CTFU SDKJFDS;LKGJHGJ;KGL; [2017-07-29, 8:57:48 PM] Callie ♡: . [2017-07-29, 8:57:48 PM] mj ultra . _/: GS;GLJHKSDLG;JS'KGS [2017-07-29, 8:57:48 PM] Callie ♡: . [2017-07-29, 8:57:48 PM] Callie ♡: . [2017-07-29, 8:57:48 PM] Callie ♡: . [2017-07-29, 8:57:49 PM] Callie ♡: . [2017-07-29, 8:57:50 PM] Callie ♡: . [2017-07-29, 8:57:50 PM] mj ultra . _/: CMON 2012 [2017-07-29, 8:57:56 PM] Callie ♡: ITS BETTER THAN I THOT IT WOULD BE [2017-07-29, 8:58:42 PM] mj ultra . _/: SDKLHJHLJ;FKS [2017-07-29, 8:58:46 PM] mj ultra . _/: UM YEAH [2017-07-29, 8:58:49 PM] mj ultra . _/: THIS IS CUTE [2017-07-29, 8:58:55 PM] Callie ♡: SEE! [2017-07-29, 8:58:57 PM] mj ultra . _/: NEVER DISSED FOSTER THE PPL! [2017-07-29, 9:03:29 PM] mj ultra . _/: Omg Callie remember how u said this was gonna be ur last game [2017-07-29, 9:03:34 PM] mj ultra . _/: I'm hosting Adversaries 2 [2017-07-29, 9:04:09 PM] Callie ♡: lexi and i are adversaries. cast us [2017-07-29, 9:04:14 PM] mj ultra . _/: CTFU [2017-07-29, 9:04:18 PM] Callie ♡: On 2017-07-29, at 9:01 PM, lex wrote: > https://youtu.be/fz6SHUbvgwo didn’t like it [2017-07-29, 9:04:22 PM] Callie ♡: we are now [2017-07-29, 9:04:27 PM] mj ultra . _/: KSLDHJGLH;FJK'SFLDS [2017-07-29, 9:04:31 PM] lex: Literally kys [2017-07-29, 9:06:21 PM] lex: Is this an actual host chat nsksksks [2017-07-29, 9:06:22 PM] mj ultra . _/: LKSJGFKHLSJ [2017-07-29, 9:06:26 PM] mj ultra . _/: yes [2017-07-29, 9:06:27 PM] mj ultra . _/: LJKSHFJLHD;J [2017-07-29, 9:06:27 PM] Callie ♡: yeah [2017-07-29, 9:06:28 PM] Callie ♡: KLJSHGDAJKS [2017-07-29, 9:06:28 PM] Callie ♡: AHGSJHK [2017-07-29, 9:06:29 PM] Callie ♡: AJDHGJHKA [2017-07-29, 9:06:29 PM] mj ultra . _/: CTFUUUUUUUUUUUU [2017-07-29, 9:06:30 PM] mj ultra . _/: S;LFKLJDSLH;JSKF [2017-07-29, 9:06:31 PM] Callie ♡: JAHSGASJKL [2017-07-29, 9:06:32 PM] mj ultra . _/: UGH THATS FUNNY [2017-07-29, 9:06:33 PM] lex: Oh JSSKSKKSKSSKKS [2017-07-29, 9:06:34 PM] mj ultra . _/: SHDJKFDFSLH;JS [2017-07-29, 9:06:40 PM] lex: Wait [2017-07-29, 9:06:43 PM] lex: Is it or not [2017-07-29, 9:06:48 PM] Callie ♡: iT IS [2017-07-29, 9:06:49 PM] Callie ♡: CTFUUUAKSHJGJAK [2017-07-29, 9:06:50 PM] Callie ♡: JSKAHDA [2017-07-29, 9:06:52 PM] lex: I don't trust the 2 of you together [2017-07-29, 9:38:47 PM] Callie ♡: can i wish ryan a happy birthday [2017-07-29, 9:39:52 PM] Callie ♡: me: happy birTHday Ryan OaksjhWTla;skjHEajkshgCHAkjashgLLEskajhNGalskjE [2017-07-29, 9:40:21 PM] mj ultra . _/: I audibly gasped [2017-07-29, 9:40:30 PM] mj ultra . _/: which song is this on zayn's album

welll.... Shareef has the Yasawa idol... and i thought i was the only one he told, but he also told jessy. i feel like booboo the fool rn, but im glad jessy told me. its like a guy dating 2 girls at the same time. im guessing he just told us to get us to trust him more, and im hoping he did, and im just hoping that we dont lose this challenge. i went all out for the scavenger hunt, so itd be great if we did win

Okay, so I had a bad feeling about this challenge, and I also had a bad feeling about the challenge I lost the round Alex left. What I'm trying to say is this: I'm psychic. It should be a straightforward Simon boot, but I don't know, I don't know, I don't knowww with these crazy people. Like, I am loyal to Jakey/Adam/Ryan, but is that loyalty gonna be reciprocated? I got 14th in All-Stars, and I'm kind of afraid that history will repeat itself and I'll get 14th again. That same feeling I had about the challenge? Yeah, I have it about my position in the game as well. It's looking like I'll be in a decent spot if I make merge (which likely happens after this boot), and some people probably see that too, so I'm kind of worried that I may get sniped out AGAIN right before the merge for that very reason. The possibility of Simon having an idol is also bugging me. I don't want to get idoled out before the merge, that'd be such shit. I don't know how to plan around him having an idol without appearing shady, though. In order to safeguard against the idol possibility, there has to be a Plan B and that Plan B would be someone in the majority four. But, if I throw out one of their names, well, I don't know how well that'd go over. I'm sure other people are thinking along the same lines I am on this, but I don't think I'm #1 on anyone on this tribe's list of people they wanna keep safe. Jakey has Adam in his back pocket and needs Ryan as a shield; Adam may feel he's closer to Jakey and Ryan than he is with me; Ryan...well, I could see Ryan keeping me over Adam at least, lol. I'm hoping Simon will quit to keep his record of never getting voted out. Simon is trying to guilt trip me into giving him a name, but bro, I know what you did when Riley and Ryan gave you a name, and I'm not about to get thrown under the bus by a twink with shady tendencies.

Me, looking back at All-Stars confessionals and seeing Jakey say that I had too many ties and could win that game so I had to go ASAP: 👀 we're in trouble scoob

Ok so this new tribe is cool. I'm with three of my closest allies and Simon. But I'd like to say something about that immunity challenge. What the fuck dravuni. I know sam carson and shareef are robots who apparently have death threats on them if they don't win this game because that's the level they brought that challenge to...but I'm on vacation with 5 other ppl and it was my birthday....and I still got the higher score? Come on. Oh well. It should be very easy tonight 4-1 on Simon. Unless he has some shit he's gonna play or do tonight. But I trust that I'm closer with the others than they are to each other so if anything goes down I hope I'm ok. Also Jenna is a queen and deserves so much love and happiness in her life.

Somehow I ended up in a fake alliance with Simon and Adam?? Simon messaged me being really cryptic like "I have the idol and also someone on your side flipped lol" and since it sketched me out, I asked Adam about it. Then it sketched Adam out, so he turned around and formulated this master plan of forming a fake chat with Simon to make him feel safe and squash any chance of an idol play. I'm cool with it because I wanted that to happen like yesterday, so thanks Adam! I was gonna try to do this with Jakey, but it works just as well with Adam, I guess. Jakey and Ryan are in on the plan too, so there should be no funny business going down at tribal. :)

So we lose the immunity challenge, GREAT, i wish we wouldve won but whatever, it looks pretty clear cut that simon is going right? well it was. Until simon started running his mouth. He's all out here saying he's got the idol blah blah blah. I know i have the idol for the challengers, but he could easily have the idol for the champions. It's all luck. Clearly or else i wouldve have it. But the thing is, if he's bluffing or not. I'm not gonna sit back and accept he's bluffing incase he isnt. So my first instinct is to get to work. I message simon and start baiting him with the concept im unhappy with the people on my side. And i throw out there id considering voting to keep him. Of course though, we'd only be two votes so i throw out there we'd need a 3rd. He says logan might be down! perfect! i know logan is bluffing as much as i am because i told him too! Ultimately if simon does have the idol, i need him NOT to use it. Not only could he vote me off, but one of my numbers ill need post merge. So my goal is to make simon feel as safe as possible, with him thinking me and logan are genuinely flipping. So far? Check! Simon's made an alliance chat with us 3 and if i do say so myself i think me and logan are doing the damn thing! Im starting to believe im really voting ryan out tonight because thats what we're feeding to simon. We're playing up this anti shareef rhetoric because that seemed like the best way to get in simon's head. I don't know if simon's dumb enough not to use the idol, but i get this very arrogant vibe from him. So if he's not dumb enough, then my goal is to make sure he's cocky enough to not use it. Jakey/ryan arent online now, but i need one of them to be because for this to work perfectly we would need them talking to simon and trying to get them to vote one of US  out. If simon felt like the swing vote, why would you even use the idol? The goal is to make him look like more of a fool than christie in survivor amazon. Will we pull it off? idk. I want to be hopeful, and yes i still have my idol so i could always play mine if simon does play his, but that wouldnt be good for me at all. I havent told any of my allies i have the idol, so they probably wouldnt trust me if i lied to them and used it tonight, especially if i end up wasting it then id be pissed. It's a big risk to not use my idol, ESPECIALLY if simon does use his, but it's a risk i have to take. If i stay in this game without the idol by using it tonight, i put myself as an easy target to go home soon. But if i dont and i pull it off, it can give me some longevity, so fingers crossed.

we WONNNNNN i poured time into that and lowkey i thought molly and riley did bad but they acc did good compared to the other tribes who lowkey flopped. maybe i just care too much bout the game. who knows. im expecting a merge next, at final 13, with a jury of 10,so if i made jury im happy enough, but id like to win. winning would be nice.i havent gone to any of the past 5 tribals, which has been nice but also weird bc i feel like ive forgotten all strategy. i am really worried about a merge to be honest. i feel like i have the fewest connections and could go as a hali-esque merge boot, which would not be fun. i was the "merge" boot last time i played, and i dont really wanna experience that again. its like seeing how close you are to cutthroat gameplay and then just not getting to play the REALLY fun part. with dravuni going to tribal, im expecting adam or simon to go but who really knows because i dont know all the alliances /relationships/friendships in this game and im not PSYCHIC. theres not much strategical thinking going on my brain right now, because i havent gone to tribal in awhile, and im a 1 day at a time kinda player, so i dont think "oh i gotta talk and make an alliance with (insert name here) to make sure that if (insert name here) gets voted off theyre with me." i dont like thinking. but i might HAVE to change how i play... or maybe not. only time will tell!

[2017-07-30, 6:30:22 PM] Callie ♡: me: they’re gonna sit out adam them: adam 5 points [2017-07-30, 6:30:38 PM] mj ultra . _/: SDJHSKHFLJSD; [2017-07-30, 6:48:53 PM] Callie ♡: shareef rly wanted to avoid tribal huh [2017-07-30, 6:49:16 PM] Callie ♡: u know what im most shook at... [2017-07-30, 6:49:21 PM] Callie ♡: not winning… but.... [2017-07-30, 6:49:32 PM] Callie ♡: molly snapping in this challenge. [2017-07-30, 6:49:43 PM] Callie ♡: everyone makes her seem like she’s inactive ! [2017-07-30, 6:50:04 PM] mj ultra . _/: my challenge beast bff [2017-07-30, 6:50:32 PM] Callie ♡: im hoping i can replace u after this season :/ [2017-07-30, 6:51:20 PM] mj ultra . _/: tru [2017-07-30, 6:51:38 PM] Callie ♡: i wonder if theyre just gonna vote out simon [2017-07-30, 9:11:54 PM] mj ultra . _/: that was your ally btw.. (about alex) [2017-07-30, 9:12:19 PM] Callie ♡: my first tribe was all allies [2017-07-30, 9:12:23 PM] Callie ♡: except ting ting [2017-07-30, 9:12:25 PM] Callie ♡: KJDYTAGHJSKA [2017-07-30, 9:12:26 PM] Callie ♡: SGHFGAJKSA [2017-07-30, 9:12:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: SDFDFSADGHKJ [2017-07-30, 9:14:18 PM] Callie ♡: when i was in 1 alliance and then 3 all in the span of 5 mins [2017-07-30, 9:14:26 PM] Callie ♡: never been so shook [2017-07-30, 9:23:32 PM] Callie ♡: i forgot to mention [2017-07-30, 9:23:40 PM] Callie ♡: u know during the endurance trivia [2017-07-30, 9:24:05 PM] Callie ♡: i went to the doctor’s but then i decided to go to the movies instead of coming back home and doing the comp ctfu KLSJAHJGJH [2017-07-30, 9:24:16 PM] mj ultra . _/: KAJAKGALHSJFKSDLFS [2017-07-30, 10:37:08 PM] Callie ♡: sam on call: ting ting said she trusted me more than u and elliott bih… u didn’t tell me that then *connor voice* HUH…. Apparently Ting Ting told Sam that she thought the vote for her at our first tribal was from either me or Elliott soooooooo anywho! Idk what purpose there would be for Sam to lie other than I guess giving me “info” to solidify our trust more but like she told me two days after Ting Ting was voted out which is like… sketchy so it basically did the opposite. I mean I still want to go far with Sam, she’s great and I’ve never really trusted anyone 100% so this isn’t anything new. Also, imagine going to someone that you’re not even sure is working with you and telling them that you don’t trust 2/5 people on your tribe and that 1 of those 2 also is in a clear duo with the 3rd person on the tribe. LIKEEEEE ctfu Anyways, not much is going on since we won immunity and the only highlight was Sam and I called for a few hours after the challenge. We speculated that it might be merge next or maybe.. another tribe swap. Zzz I am also currently thinking on what to tell my challengers alliances because tbh they probably thought Sam was going home or maybe by some stretch Elliott. I’m leaning towards saying Lexi/Sam/Elliott got sketched out by Ting Ting so willing to take an advantage during the tribe challenge even if it was fake that they decided to do her and I couldn’t swing the votes in my favour. :/ Me in reality: made her the target oop! I’m just hoping I’m right about Sam/Elliott wanting to take a shot at the Shareef group but we’ll see.

IM SO BORED and shareef needs to chill (love him tho)

Dodged being voted out by one vote again. Maybe I can rack up more votes than I did in Riau and get another record. I wasn't worried for this vote though. It was kinda clear that Sam, Callie, and I have similar ideals in terms of the direction of the game. I'd assume Lexi did too, but oh well. Ting was working with the other side so we had to make sure that one of them left. So, sorry Ting.  Although it was interesting I wasn't targeted for being the only one from my tribe switched to this one, or that I am the only boy on this tribe. This Immunity Challenge was kinda fun. I was a smidge worried Lexi was throwing it cause she took so long to start posting and hadn't really said anything. But I wouldn't have been too worried if we had lost; I mean the two votes that kept me are still here. MJ was clearly not pleased that this tribe isn't going to Tribal Council. I assume it's cause it means I'm here for another round. Sorry bout ya. Although, it is highkey uncomfortable to talk in a chat where MJ is present. So main chat communication has severely decreased, and there's a high probability that I will leave the tribe chat once it is merge, if I don't withdraw or get voted out first. I'm expecting Simon to get voted out, although it would be really nifty if Jakey would.

i cant believe that i put glitter nail polish on my face for this ugly comp and we still won and i have not broken out because of it? miracles do happen once in a while IF YOU BELIEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE also thank god we didnt lose cause i would have been a goner in this ugly world or someone i enjoy at least aka callie fdgukjds

[7:11:33 PM] Logan: we did that huh adam [7:12:04 PM] Adam 🦋: where's our academy awards [7:12:28 PM] mj ultra . _/: Best Picture goes to........................... [7:12:44 PM] mj ultra . _/: Super Secret Big Move Time (2017, dir. Logan & Adam), starring: Logan and Adam

10 minutes away from tribal. The whole make simon feel like he was the swing vote plan didnt go through because jake and ryan havent been online, so basically we're relying on me and logan's manipulation skills to keep all 4 of the gays in this game. Am i confident? I want to say yes, but ive got a bad feeling. I'm not playing my idol tonight because it would just make me go sooner and ruin my whole game and id rather risk this. I think I will be going tonight if simon does use the idol, I wouldn't blame him. I was making Kait feel 110% I was on her side before I voted her out too so if he knew better he'd vote me out because im playing him too. I guess we'll see. If this is my last confessional on my 2nd tumblr survivor journey, I just wanna say I'm pretty proud of myself. Compared to last time, where I didnt play at all, I think ive done pretty well. Especially since every single tribal ive been too now someone's been trying to get me out!! But whatever! I'm proud of the tumblr survivor player ive become this season and if i do get idol'ed out tonight at least im going in a somewhat iconic way. *UPDATE* I FORGOT TO SUBMIT THIS BEFORE TRIBAL BUT IT DONT MATTER BECAUSE WE PULLED IT OFFFFFFFF THE GAY AGENDA ALLIANCE IS ALL STILL HERE!!!!! Although we all would've been here anyway because simon didnt even have the idol so he says, but WIG WIG WIG!!!! we basically pulled all those stunts for no reason, and i am SHOOKETH.

Last Confessional

[sunbeamsntangerines]

cw suicidal ideation, just all around bad vibes man

i want to die. my life is a living nightmare but knowing how itd affect the like 5 people who love is the only thing keeping me from not ending it all. i am suffering and i have nobody to comfortably share this with. i dont want to be a burden on my loved ones but i am not okay. i tried starting therapy. had to wait 2 months for the intitial appt which i expected to be told her next availability is another 2 months away and that at that location the appointments are generally 30 min, not the usual 45-50 min sessionjs. and that i cld ask to go to her towson location but tht could also ne anothert two months and then one of my closest friends cut me off last year/ghosted me without any warning and a mutual friend of ours that i introduced her to briefly explained the situation to me and it was bs and cldve been solved w a convo and basically just further proof that im a fuckuing sack of shit. i try implementing positive thoughts and all that fuckery but the shit isnt working, i need real help and i cant tell my friends i feel like dying everyday and i wake up and weant to never do that again. ad im unemployed rn and have been to 6 diff job interviews within the last week and a half just to not get any offers but my roommate who has no bartending experience got the job over me, who has 2+ yrs of experience and the guy seemed like he liked me and i hate it , i hate it all it never ends there are no breaks i dont stop feeling feelings i am overwhelmed and i hate this.im just in such a dark plavce rn and i feel like ive been styeadily putting in so much work and effort to consciouscly work on my mental health and her e i am sad and lonely and isolating like i always do. i want to die.

[sikereviewdotcom]

wilfred (2011) - season 1 ep1 “happiness” review

ok so today were reviewing fucking "wilfred" basically its a story about a depressed guy who tried to kill himself but he failed because hes a pushover in life and even suicide is mocking him yea jk actually his sis prescribed him placebo so the meds he used in his suicide attempt were useless yada yada

then he sees his neighbours (on who he tots have the hots for) dog as a man and hes like lol wtf why is there a furry standing in my yard? im not into dogplay dudette, please dont do this to me ah-

unfortunately for him the chick, on the next day asks to take care of her dog meanwhile because idk shit happens in her house? and she has to work? yea something like that so anyway he accepts because hes into her and out of it aswell more out of it than anything tho

our man, ryan is pretty disturbed but it happens anyway he has NO control over his life so why would he have control on  a dog fursuit wearing 40 yo man? yea exactly wouldnt make sense

wilfred enters his house and smoke a damn bong thats right, a very efficient way to introduce what kind of character were up against see, jason gann has the perfect face for such character looking all dirty in that suit with a big ass black painted dog nose you gotta think "that dawgs up to no good" and youd be damn right keep reading to discover why so basically nm happens in this episode if it isnt the setting of all the shit because well ryan has a lot of issues and its gonna get worse you cant believe this dog is gonna make things better for ryan not really hes just scamming the loser with cheap tricks and drugs

btw after (trying) to vape or w/e with wilfred, the man falls asleep, wakes up because his sis whos a bitch, remember her

its important to spot whos a bitch in each show ill be reviewing its pretty easy to balance whos the antagonist and who isnt although it often is much more complexe than that which is why im here making it all very easy and very interesting, aside from lost cases like the magic school bus i cant make that shit any worse nor TOO better like i have limited power my reviews are sike but some shows are just nah back to our whipped cream: ryans depression: he is jobless ok? so his sis is mad that he doesnt make the effort to come work and do what he has to also he used to be a lawyer btw because his father wanted him to be and then his father died and he lost his job and he hated being a lawyer so w/e but he also seemingly lost all reasons to live and redacted more than one suicide letter so im not sure what to think about it he was really eager to die yknow his sis couldnt care less tho its like "yo stop ruining my image im trynna get you a job in my hospital fuckface" yea see that why shes an inconsiderate bitch

so instead of going to work because of wilfred, ryan takes him for a while btw that vermin also tries to get elijah (the actor playing ryan is elijah wood obvs btw so this series already gets 5 points to begin with i dont make the rules) to throw a tennis ball and dont forget this ball ok? its gonna come back and start a whole drama its the beginning of our adventure a ball

next theyre in a restauration thing eating chips and drinking a beer together dog and his friend then the waitress comes and

happens the tiddies eating, it almost one fucking minute im sure we could all feel the embarassement of having your animal rubbing its balls and penis against your friend whos over for the nights leg in the middle of spring and youre just trying to get it back but wow the hormones are hitting it hard its like a cleaning robot vibrating on a grandma whos cardiacs chest and you trynna take that little asshole away but for some reason its rubbed in olive oil so not only does it reeks of olive, its also slippery as heck and you can see your grandma spasmming on her soon-to-be deathbed, she has spasms for god sake no the robot no someone stop it from stimulating the old ladys torso ah shit marguerite died after drowning in her drooling 

not even died of an heart attack nah, it was such a messy death she suffered so much no one could do anything its like the robot was sentient yknow and well same goes for wilfred hes making it on purpose but uses the excuse : he likes the boobs it nothing personal, ryan

w/e they leave after paying (not for the side tits tho, it was a freebie for dogs) after that shit happens (i wont spoil you EVERYTHING, im just painting a pic here ok?) at this point you could wonder "is wilfred being a dick on purpose or its just about said instincts? how much percentage of his behavior is actually dog and how much is ryans mind (the guy is deranged  there is no denying that but how much? )) whats sure is that his owner likes her dog vm and hes maining that chick

good for him? but it also happens that before that, elijah just threw the ball above the gate and into his much less friendly neighbour because he was sick of the dog asking to throw it and so yea, there is a tension between ryan and wilfred not any kind of tension, exactly the kind of elija x reader fanfic i wanted to read except pov: im a canine furry and i smoke weed on a daily basis and im a jackass

theyre almost breaking up someone does something about it i was seriously getting into it wow oh no fuck look at me tearing one or two here

rip their new born bromance? or... is it all there is to it? well see no obviously its the problem we were waiting for because when our fella enters back home and idk whatever else happens its night and his sister comes home and she goes all "lol actually i gave you placebo itd be dangerous otherwise you numbfuck" but shes quickly muted once our man notices his dog friend in his yard... its time for a reunion a heart to heart conversation to proceed so he has to ditch his sis which he casually does bros before hoes

its again about the ball which HE WILL go and fetch by passing over the fence to get in neighbours yard but damn it cant be just that? wouldnt it make a lame crappy story? we need some actions, we got the tits, the beer, no job, delinquency has no limit so fuck it says the dog as he smashes the window and enters the bikers house because he SMELLS (like he smells the shit streaks you have on your pants) the weed, ryan is like "no fuck bro no shit fuck ah-" then sees the damn weed which they steal ok? hes really a pushover he has not got the right idea of stopping being one because thats what his new friends supposed to be here for yknow trynna get his loser into a winner, that lil camper gotta level up his game, go get into the business of life barging in kicking the door to enter, no shame nor hesitation were trying to make him STEP UP for HIMSELF but guess what? ill tell you later or itd be a spoil in a spoil surely a bad paradoxal medium w/e business going on blablabla theyre up to no good thats for sure as sure as how much ryans actually enjoy this the mans into this pee slash poop affair:

spoiler alert: he does it and

im just quoting him here : he never felt more alive nor glad to be so i guess thats whats life about shitting in peoples affair, stealing weed plants and quitting your job on your first day (you havent showed up tho so w/e you never really worked in that place no one knows you its all good you can get back in that place looking innocent and smiling with your broken ribs "yea nah i never had a job here and ditched yall huh" thats foxy of him kinda but not really since he had no intention back then to do anything for himself it was all strings pulled by a fucking dog hilarious really im having a kick haha no

so what next? theyre best friends? man and dog, a wonderful friendship happens he has no more family to support him but HE HAS A DOG guys he was so into it im feeling sorry for this hobot-to-be schizophrenic man

i wont spoil you but trust me when i say not to trust a furry who eats tits on your first date

in conclusion: it was a pretty decent first episode ill update my final thoughts on the first season once im done watching it but so far its recommandable the camera work is pretty cool like its not just thoughtless filming we actually have a nice feel to it, the setting of the series is esthetically pleasing you get nice colors and it aint boring, its not like a FRIENDS episode yknow? dawg i dislike how boring it looks filming wise for start but damn i aint reviewing FRIENDS rn so next, the comedy? after all its a comedy genre series not a drama, idk if id review an actual depressive show on here thatd bum the vibe out ok? i know im making all my revs awesome w/e it is that i choose to rate and comment but still im serving you a plate of my finest sheez not any fizzle in the mizzle ok?

anyway yea the humor aint bad, i havent laughed my ass of but i did find it amusing to watch the jokes may actually kick in in the second episode ill have to update this rev alright? just hang on to your balls peeps this fam will serve in due time

rating: 7,5/10 scenery/camera work 7/10 comedy 8/10 interest/entertaining points total: 7,5/10 for a first episode is fine enough to be recommanded, like a "give it a chance" sorta case yknow isnt the most hilarious show youll watch but its fine especially if youre into homoromantic tension between a furry and elijah wood 

jk 

tg, out