#and afterwards Aaron look at Neil trying to understand him and Neil don’t know what Aaron is looking for like omg | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

xlady-saya · 5 years ago

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I want this touch to be familiar [Ch. 4]

Relationships: andrew/neil, side aaron/katelyn

Summary: Deep down, Andrew knew he would always reach this crossroads, a time where the thought became too strong to ignore.

Going all the way with Neil. It’s not something he can continue to avoid thinking about. When Andrew looks back to the days where he held Neil’s hands down, when he never got off with him in the same room, he’s forced to acknowledge how much he’s allowed.

Not allowed. Welcomed. Wanted.

But that’s not all there is to it, and the desire to make a decision finally makes itself known.

Tags: first time fic, p*rn with feelings, relationship study, fluff and communication, multichapter

Read on ao3!

The second time they try is perhaps worse than the first, in that the interruption doesn't come from either of them.

Part of Andrew, the small part which sometimes wonders if there is some eternal being running the show, would love nothing more than to fight them for making his life like this.

It's even more irritating because the second time, he's ready. He's more than ready.

He's burning.

Andrew slams the door to their dorm room shut so hard the wall shakes. His free hand, the one not tangled in Neil's hair, locks it without a second thought. The sound of it clicking into place is like a starting gun, telling him they're alone, it's just them.

He can do whatever he wants.

He expects his hands to be clammy, unsure, but he hasn't moved with so much purpose in a long time, and certainly not for his own benefit.

Neil's breathy laugh is quickly turned into a gasp when Andrew locks their lips together, the desperate smacks bouncing off the walls. Kissing shouldn't feel this mind-blowing; Andrew's done it thousands of times, but when Neil moans into his mouth, it coaxes out all of Andrew's primal urges. The striker pins his tongue down, guides Andrew's hands to the curve of his back, telling Andrew to take. He growls against Neil's lips for the trick, but gives in anyway. Neil is just too much, offered willingly, wantonly.

He grabs handfuls of Neil's ass, pulling him flush to his body, showing off his strength. The cotton leggings are soft, thin, and Andrew pulls at the fabric to stretch it. He's been building up to this since this morning, when he watched Neil slowly pull the offensive pants over the curve of his ass.

Class afterwards had been interesting.

Andrew pulls Neil up a little higher; the striker's feet don't touch the floor, held completely. It's what Neil likes, though he's never said it. He knows Andrew can hold him up, dependable.

Neil doesn't even startle, just throws his head back from the promise of it. A mess already, both of them.

This time, there's no question about it. Andrew is rock hard in his jeans, trying not to hump Neil's leg for friction. There's more he wants to do, more they've been waiting to do.

Andrew's mind runs a mile a minute, but not with second guessing or caution from before.

It's clear, his mind is so clear. The desire to take is there, but there's no guilt or shame with it. Because Neil wants it, Neil's going to give. Andrew only feels pure, unsullied longing.

He acts on it, before it has the chance to leave him again.

He slams Neil against the wall, and the striker moans, like he's grateful for it. Strong legs wrap around Andrew's back after a rushed yes, pulling him impossibly close. He wonders if Neil is really afraid of Andrew leaving him in this state; it would be a sight to see Neil whining like that...

Neil's practically vibrating with excitement, rutting forward already as he kicks off his shoes. The clatter of them behind him sends Andrew's heart rate into a frenzy, it's nearly unacceptable.

He doesn't have time to correct it, when Neil looks like this. He can only feel want. The blue in Neil's eyes is wiped out, and Andrew wants to trace the scars on his face, flushed from their exertion.

Neil has other ideas; his shaking hands paw at Andrew's jacket, willing it off, and Andrew nearly smirks. He can't though, because he's just as bad right then.

He pulls Neil's hoodie off, ruffling his hair, and his hands are everywhere after that. He presses them along Neil's ribs, his collar bones, stopping to roll one of his nipples between his fingers. Neil keens from the attention, but his lidded eyes find the bulge in Andrew's pants quickly. Neil never likes to be the only one feeling good, not these days, when Andrew so willingly lets him reciprocate. "Andrew, I want--"

Andrew silences him with a harsh kiss, pinching the nub between his fingers.

Neil almost looks offended when Andrew moves away, but then his eyes widen, pulled into submission by Andrew's low tone.

If Andrew ever does admit he likes Neil's legs, it'll be the day Neil has to admit he has a thing for Andrew's voice.

"I know what you want," Andrew states, a vow. Right then, Neil wants to be taken apart, but more than that...

He wants to share this, finally, after all their talking and the memory of their first attempt. They're going to try again, and for once the possibility of failure isn't nearly as daunting. No matter what...

"It always feels good, when we lose control."

Andrew forces himself to think for a moment, his hands reaching back down to cup Neil's thighs. He can't help but squeeze, and a little gentler, Andrew lifts Neil to move them to the bed. As tempting as wall sex might sound in his head, this is still their first time.

No discomfort, no navigating more than they have to.

Neil seems to understand this, and goes slack in Andrew's arms, mouthing at his neck lazily.

The air in the room feels frantic, but it doesn't stop the wave of calm that hits them both. Andrew sets Neil down, and the striker's body creates space for him, pulling him forward so they're locked together. There's a pause as Neil falls onto his back, an infinite moment locked away in the second their eyes meet.

Neil's attempt to fight off a smile is pathetic, and he taps the side of Andrew's face by his eye. There's no blood or bruising there this time. It's as if to test Andrew is real, that this is happening.

Andrew breathes in shakily at the feeling which hits him, not knowing where to place it. The spectrum of emotions was locked away for so long, but this...he doesn't think it would be easy to place in any situation.

He's reluctant to pull away, but Neil only squirms excitedly when he does. He knows. Andrew grabs the book bag at the foot of the bed, emptying it haphazardly. The condoms fall on top of Neil, and Andrew swallows around the lump in his throat. It's terrible, what the sight does to him, like he's some teenage boy. Neil takes it in stride though, grabbing one and eyeing the reflective packaging with intensity.

So easy to read in moments like this.

Neil holds one of the condoms in front of his face, eyeing Andrew teasingly, like he can hear his thoughts. It's annoying, but it doesn't stop the traitorous part of Andrew from wondering how many of these they'd be able to go through...

"You can see me this time," Neil breathes, and Andrew stills. It’s a throwaway statement to anyone else, unnecessary, clunky. It relieves any last dredges of tension Andrew might have.

Oh, he can see alright. Neil is on his back, in front of Andrew, no room to miss the yearning or lust in his features. The striker brushes his bangs aside, like they're obstructive, and the feeling from before overflows back in Andrew's chest. Neil is so giddy about it, and the softness in the words threatens to choke Andrew. He grabs Neil's face with both hands, like he almost can't believe it.

They're not making the same mistake, it won't be like last time.

"I can," he echoes, not knowing what else he can do. This is troublesome he knows, the fact something so ridiculous can make him feel at ease. He searches his mind for hesitation, for any reason to not do this. He’s not able to stop, it's in his nature to look for the snag, but he finds none.

So he moves forward.

Andrew's hips slot against Neil's ass, and he feels the striker's entire body shiver. With a glare, he tugs at the fabric of Neil's leggings, ruined by his eager hands.

Whoever bought Neil these things can die. They're stirrup leggings, the dark fabric stretching down past his ankles to hook around his feet. They match Neil's new style of armbands, the ones that snake a little further down his arm's than Andrew's.

Allison is the most likely culprit he realizes, since the coordination was obviously made with some care.

She's going to pay.

"You like them," Neil states, a fact. He wears them on purpose, they both know it, like how Andrew started wearing more tank tops to the gym.

Despite that, he pinches Neil's thigh, relishing in the jolt.

"Admit you wear them just to be a nuisance," Andrew dodges the admission, as if it helps.

Neil's grin proves it. "When you admit you like how they make my ass look."

But well, that will never happen. Andrew sees no point in admitting the obvious.

He slides his hands over the fabric leisurely, hooking his fingers into the waistband. It's almost a shame he's two seconds from ripping the damn things to shreds if only to get Neil naked faster. Andrew's fingers twitch at the promise, and he sees the moment Neil sits up in anticipation for it. He knows what comes next.

Greedy, aren't we?

"Can we--" Neil starts, and his pants aren't even off.

"Yes Neil," Andrew sighs, as if it's a chore for him. He pushes the leggings and Neil's underwear down in one fluid movement, quick enough to make Neil gasp. It's a direct contradiction to his bored tone, he knows, but Neil likes it. "I'm going to fuck you with my fingers."

Neil's pupils dilate like a starving animal. Andrew regards him with a raised eyebrow; when he'd first suspected Neil would love the feeling of Andrew's fingers inside him, he hadn't anticipated how much. In the days since their first try, it's been the preferred way to get off. He can't judge Neil, when Andrew had been curious to experiment with it anyways. He’s not sick of it, making Neil come untouched, watching him writhe and push against Andrew's hand. Neil's never been shameless when it comes to those things. It’s especially apparent now that there’s no death sentence over his head. Plus, Andrew won't exploit his weaknesses.

So, when Neil enjoys something, he enjoys it for all it's worth. Andrew's pretty sure the shape of his fingers is imprinted inside Neil at this point, with how ridiculous they've been about it.

Briefly, Andrew wonders if after they go through with this his sex drive will finally calm down. It would make sense.

Right now though, his mind always circles back around to it. How to feel good, how to make Neil feel better.

Andrew presses down on Neil's perineum, watching Neil tense up with want. "You'll have to be good and not come this time though," he reminds, breathing the words into Neil's warm skin.

He'd rather not overstimulate Neil to that extent, though it's an intriguing thought.

With a huff of a laugh, Neil presses his foot down on Andrew's thigh, near where his cock strains in his jeans. "The same to you."

Andrew can't wait anymore.

"Be useful," he says, pushing the condom back into Neil's hands while he finds the bottle of lube.

"Jerk," Neil says without any heat, but he doesn't go to tear the condom open. That's the thing with Neil, if he's fixated on something he can't move on. His hand hovers over Andrew's groin, questioning. "Andrew--"

"Yes," Andrew growls, and Neil continues to surprise him with how fast he can move.

Neil flings Andrew's belt to the floor, and his pants are down before he can revel in the relief of it. He winces from the cool air on his cock, his body grateful.

Neil is so considerate of Andrew's needs it's infuriating, and yet Andrew's body reacts so well for him.

Neil slides a pillow underneath himself, too eager, but Andrew realizes he's already scooting forward with need.

And still, there's nothing wrong, nothing in the air telling him to stop.

There's just...them.

Neil seems to sense this too, even as Andrew's fingers pause at his entrance, intent clear. He brings Andrew lower, so he can feel all his body heat, the ghost of what's to come.

Weight, heat, fullness.

They stop, breathe, take each other in. Neil's eyes are...Andrew doesn't have a word for them. He should be upset, and yet he can't find the emotion. It doesn't apply.

Neil takes the bottle from Andrew's hand and uncaps it, tongue sliding over his kiss swollen lips. "Okay?"

He can't sound this wrecked already. And what kind of question is that?

Andrew glares, and then kisses him, unable to help it. "Yes," he says, and a few seconds later he presses two coated fingers into Neil's body, refusing to ignore the way Neil's legs spread for him, impatient.

"Fuck," Neil moans, drawing the syllables out like he can't believe how good it is. He clenches around Andrew's fingers, hand tightening on his shoulder. Andrew's cock leaks a little at the way Neil's hips twitch, and he wants to suck a mark into the bone, dig his thumb into it...

Neil's so damn hot inside. As if feeling Andrew' control slipping, Neil reaches down to pump at his cock, smearing the precum on the shaft. Neil throws his head back with another curse, reaching for the condom and tearing it open. Andrew's mind goes haywire, letting Neil sit up to slide the condom on.

Yes, Andrew's mind yells, beats against his skull. The swarm from before is back, like they've been lurking, waiting to finally get what they wanted from the start.

Andrew pulls his fingers out; they've been doing this enough, Neil's already stretched, Andrew can slide right in and--

There's a loud thump on the door, like the sound of a gunshot. They both lock up, the bubble around them violently popped. Andrew's thoughts come to a screeching halt, the swarm stilling.

They react instantly, the product of paranoia from different outlets. It's disgusting how predictable they are; Andrew's first instinct is to cover Neil's body with his own, a shield from the threat. The knives in his armbands feel extra heavy, calling him. In the same vein, Neil shoots up, as if to push Andrew away from the line of fire.

The need to protect, to guard what's theirs.

The illusion of danger is quickly shattered though, when they hear Kevin's voice. "Guys! Why is the door locked? You better not be doing anything! We're supposed to be at the court!"

The knob of the room rattles obnoxiously, like Kevin might actually break it. Neil's brow furrows as he looks over at Andrew, as if to ask if he's hearing right. It's Kevin; not a madman, or a mafia gangster. Kevin. They both share a look of realization, one that quickly dissolves into a glare. Neil's expression goes from shock to pure, unadulterated annoyance.

"Fuck off Day!" Andrew barks, shocked by his own tone. Kevin balks from behind the door, and Andrew curses himself. He hates when he gives too much away of how he actually feels, even though he's been working through that. The urge to appear uncaring would usually still be a crutch he falls back on, but in this case it doesn't stand a chance.

He's pissed.

Neil is naked in his arms, two seconds away from being fucked into the mattress, and Andrew does not like being interrupted.

But it isn't that Kevin is stupid, he's simply that much of a perfectionist with a hardhead. Like always, he steamrolls through the clear warning with another harsh knock. "Fuck no, Andrew you told me you'd drive me tonight! You gave me your word!"

Neil makes a small choking noise when Andrew tenses.

Shit, Andrew did say that. His memory now finds it appropriate to remind him of the promise, as well as the time of day. He knew he had to take Kevin to practice in the evening because of how much the other kept complaining about their stats, but he’d also planned for this alone time with Neil. He'd lost track of time.

Andrew never loses track of time.

"No," Neil whines, falling onto his back with a huff. Andrew's not sure if he's talking about the situation or Kevin's whole existence. Andrew's not sure he's ever in the history of knowing Neil seen him look so upset about the prospect of playing exy.

It's unheard of, and doesn't help the erection still leaking onto the bed.

Andrew can't move, his mind and body in a stalemate. He can't kill Kevin, that's off the table. He gave his word, it's on him, but...

"Let's go," Kevin yells with a final bang of his fist, his footsteps stomping down the hallway with an air of royal decree. Finality.

Dread creeps into Andrew's veins, and he looks down at Neil to see the feeling reflected in his actual expression. Neil doesn't cry, at least he hasn't let himself yet, not even after Baltimore. But ...he's upset. Those blue eyes waver a little, throwing his head back in restlessness.

Andrew wants to scold him for being so dramatic, tell him it's not a big deal, but the words wouldn't be genuine.

Andrew hates this.

Neil whimpers, but even Andrew can see he knows. He knows they have to go. Neil clings to Andrew's forearms a little tighter, as if grounding himself in the moment, cherishing the last few seconds of it.

Andrew has never wanted to stay somewhere so bad before; Neil's arms are a death sentence he realizes, because he'd waste away here without a second thought.

Neil's legs tremble from the excitement still coursing through him, and Andrew lets a grunt slip when he feels the striker's ankles knock against his back.

He can't handle it. He won't be able to go.

"Andrew..." Neil whispers, and Andrew leans down in a split second to press his forehead against Neil's. It's a firm touch, almost harsh. A warning. The silver cigarette around his neck hangs down, lingering over Neil's throat.

"Don't," Andrew snaps, swallowing around the anger. He closes his eyes; Neil's are too intense, too strong right then. Calling him, lulling him. He inhales sharply, another mistake. All his senses react to Neil. "Don't do that."

I can't stop myself when you do.

Neil shivers; it's the opposite of Andrew's usual 'stay.' Because they can't, Andrew can't be tempted to. They sit there for another few seconds, unwilling to move, unable to touch more for fear of falling back into it.

Andrew nearly growls as he pulls himself away harshly, trudging towards the bathroom to try and get rid of his problem.

Behind him, he hears Neil throw a pillow to the floor. "Goddammit."

They're especially brutal at night practice.

Andrew can't resist playing; he denies every single one of Kevin's shots to the goal, and sends them far down the court each time. Kevin's practically drenched in sweat from how much Andrew is making him run, but it's not the only retribution he's receiving.

Neil is fast, faster than Kevin when he wants to be, and he intercepts every shot he can. It's a coordinated attack; they're not letting Kevin have the ball if they can help it.

For how peeved they both are, it doesn't feel like enough. Andrew isn't supposed to believe in revenge, but this isn't it he reassures himself.

It's simply justice.

Kevin curses loudly when one of Andrew's returns nearly clips his ankle. Andrew doesn't think he's ever been this ruthless at a practice, and Neil rebounds a ball a little too close to Kevin's head about five minutes later.

Andrew tries not to get too distracted by Neil's stupid determination, or his panting.

Panting. Because of exy, because they're at the court and not in bed.

Andrew's next shot rings like a bullet against the plexiglass.

By the end of it, they're all exhausted, but Kevin can barely walk. All that Raven training, for what again?

Andrew glares at him as he takes off his helmet, and oh, as if the night couldn't get more aggravating.

Kevin smiles like an idiot. "See? If you guys practiced like this all the time, we'd be unstoppable!"

Silence descends over the stadium, and Andrew is all too happy to break it before he breaks something else.

He throws his racquet on the floor, much to Kevin's horror, and stomps back to the locker room with Neil close behind.

Later that week, they have their usual lunch with Katelyn and Aaron. It's not normally a chatty affair on his end, Katelyn tends to take up most of it, filling Neil in on things and instigating petty arguments between him and Aaron.

She'll never admit she does it, Andrew figured it out. He's not about to comment on Katelyn being an instigator, since that's exactly what Neil is.

Neil. Andrew grits his teeth at the dangerous train of thought, even with the striker right next to him. Neil is usually pressed against him when they sit together, but today there's a noticeable gap.

Intentional. Probably smart considering how wound up they are.

Andrew, to channel the itch in his veins, has been assembling a card tower for the past ten minutes. He's not sure if Neil is fixating so hard on him because he's impressed, or because he's imagining what other things Andrew's hands can do. Could be doing.

Either way, Andrew almost has four levels.

"Hand me another deck," he grumbles, and Neil smiles, already having opened the next one. Their fingers brush, and an urge spikes that's entirely removed from sex. Holding Neil's hand has become routine too, something to stabilize him, and he craves it. Right then, he’d probably break his fingers though, with how coiled he is, so best to not.

Andrew holds his breath and adds a card. The tower wavers.

Katelyn's chatter is missing, unheard of. The slow slurp of her soda is the only thing audible, grating on Andrew. He wonders if she knows it is. Her stare burns; Andrew doesn't dare look at her, though he's sure she's being so analytical because she's noticed how Aaron is staring at them.

Ah yes, it seems his twin is being observational today. He should really save it for his science classes.

The gaze is shifty, suspecting, and it's setting Andrew on edge by the second. His brother is so obvious, but Andrew can't pinpoint why. When he flicks his gaze up to his twin's, the curiosity too much, Aaron's eyes squint rather than dart away. Like he knows something.

But he can't, right?

Even if he did, there's no way he would bring it up. They have a silent agreement to never mention their sex lives after the time they ran into each other at the school convenience store in the condom aisle, looked at each other, and promptly walked away.

So yes, Aaron will keep his mouth shut to keep the peace, but Andrew still can't remember when he agreed to be this easily read.

Andrew returns to his cards, convinced that's the end of it. Neil starts to squirm beside him again, and Andrew resists rolling his eyes. He's already had to squeeze Neil's thigh three times to get him to stop.

Neil keeps his lips pressed together, keeping that mouth under control, a rare event.

It's a short-lived relief.

"Well, you two are antsy."

The whole table tenses, and Aaron wheezes.

The tower in front of Andrew crashes down, poetic, and he scowls at the remains of the battlefield.

Oh, right. Ignoring Katelyn's existence is starting to be a mistake, since she can be just as blunt as Neil. At the most random times too. The difference is with her it's often an accident, and it's followed up by strings of apologies reinforced by a sheltered suburban childhood.

Neil just doesn't give a fuck.

On cue, Katelyn blushes up to her ears, choking on her cola and waving her hands in front of her face. "No omg, I didn't mean--I'm so sorry!"

But well, too late.

Aaron strides on in spite of his girlfriend's muttering, seemingly set on taking advantage of the broken ice. Andrew looks around; he can't use his knives on his brother but all he has after that is a plastic spork.

Aaron leans forward on his elbows, like he always does when he's about to tell Andrew something potentially troublesome. It's more common now, since they actually talk about things, but it puts Andrew on alert anyways. This is not Bee’s office.

"Yeah..." Aaron muses, glancing between Neil and Andrew slowly. "Are you guys...fighting?"

And it's not said in concern, or disbelief, which makes Andrew suspicious from the get go. Aaron poses the question like it's one of a few possibilities, like he's narrowing Andrew's mood down like a multiple choice question.

Like he's seen this before.

Andrew glares at him before turning to Neil, a silent exchange. Neil's expression is akin to a shrug; great, he has no idea.

The confusion between them is palpable, but it's Neil who finally turns back to Aaron with a raised brow. "No? Why would we be?" Neil asks, and well...there's a lot of things they could've expected.

None of them match the reaction they actually get.

Aaron retches instantly, startling even Katelyn. She jumps in her seat, watching Aaron double over.

"Ah gross," Aaron says with his head in his hands, scowling at them a second later. "This is some weird sex thing. Go away."

Neil blanches at the same time Katelyn sputters, but Andrew keeps his face impassive. He won't give his brother the satisfaction of knowing he's right, but the fact he is makes Andrew even more annoyed than before.

"How--" Neil says, because why would he deny it like any other person? Andrew needs to push the whole table off a cliff. Neil really needs to sharpen up his lying skills too, if he's going to expose them like this.

Katelyn better watch her back too; the twins are not in the business of being this close. He will give it to Aaron though, he rendered Neil speechless. A true feat.

Andrew stares at Aaron, who scowls back, a standoff. These four second fights are becoming normal too.

There's a steady agreement reached in those four precious seconds: let's pretend this never happened.

The condom aisle all over again.

Aaron pushes his tray away, grabbing Katelyn's hand. "No way am I explaining how I know, you guys always do this! I hate you..."

And yes, Andrew's had enough. He steadfastly ignores Aaron's statement that he ever shows this much too. He doesn't. "Eat shit and die."

"Don't mind if I do!"

"...."

Katelyn's face twists in confusion, but recovers long enough to wave at Neil, oblivious to it all. She's an enigma. She must be somewhat strong too, because she resists Aaron's tug for a few seconds. It's like he's trying to pull a boulder with dental floss.

Social etiquette is a hell of a drug.

"We'll just...leave you guys to it, have fun!" Katelyn says, and Aaron retches again from behind her. Andrew really has to do it, he realizes. He has to kill them both. Katelyn's face turns as red as a tomato, jaw opening and closing. "But not like...that way, or yes do? You deserve it!"

Andrew hates her.

"Babe..." Aaron whines behind her, probably wishing the Earth would swallow him up. Another thing they have in common on this fine day.

Katelyn smiles as she's dragged away, winking. "See you...someday!"

The whole thing is over and done in less than two minutes, and yes, Andrew was counting. He rubs his neck, expecting pain from the whiplash that was the conversation he was forced to endure.

He watches Aaron haul ass across campus from afar, and knows they'll be back playing video games together later that night.

It's the nature of things now.

Beside him, Neil bangs his head against the table with an anguished groan. He keeps his face hidden, but Andrew reaches forward to tug on his earlobe.

Drama queen.

"I hate them," Neil mutters, an echo of Andrew's thoughts. He can't see him, but he's sure Neil can feel his agreeing nod.

With a sigh, Andrew starts on a new card tower. "At least you're not related to one of them."

And well, Neil couldn't compete with that if he tried.

One of the traditions which stuck after Baltimore, and perhaps one of the only things Andrew let Neil dwell on, was the giant pile the foxes made around him the night after.

The impromptu sleepover had been one of the only times Andrew allowed himself to sleep so close to others, bordered on both sides. At the time, Neil had needed him more, and Andrew would've been next to him even if they were dangling over a ledge. His need to protect had been on the fritz, his heart unable to calm down at the thought of losing Neil, of letting him out of his sight ever again.

So naturally, his fear and distrust of others had been a non-issue. He hadn't had the space in his head to think about it. Plus, he isn't and never was afraid of the foxes.

Annoyed by them is another feeling entirely.

Once a month, Nicky makes them build a pillow fort in the common area and forces them to watch trashy movies. Aaron won't say no because Katelyn often comes, and the rest of them use it as an excuse to get drunk and rag on Nicky's tastes in films.

Neil stares at Andrew, Andrew tries not to stare back, and it ends up with them all passed out in varying positions, Neil squeezed next to Andrew as they hog the couch.

It's routine, as much as Andrew hates to admit it. He never meant to become so used to the gatherings, or attend them at all, but they've begun to grate on his nerves less.

Neil never misses a single one, and Andrew can't avoid it.

But, none of them are engineering majors, and therefore don't possess the architectural skills to make a long standing pillow fort. Andrew also refuses to help.

Therefore, the pieces of furniture they move around to make it work only end up creating fire hazards and traps for those who need to get up at any point to piss. Typically, they end up toppled over in a mess of sheets and pillows the next day, and stay there.

It's pathetic, really, like toddlers are behind it.

Currently, Andrew and Neil are lying down in the graveyard of blankets that was once their shitty tent. Andrew already knows it won't get cleaned up for days, not until one of them actually trips over something. Andrew's certainly not going to help with that either.

The other foxes must've had the same idea, since they're nowhere to be found.

'Well, I think it's time for brunch,' Allison had said before the rest of the hungover team followed her out.

Only Neil and Andrew decided to stay behind, on account of Neil's forgotten math homework he needed to get done.

Andrew really should've known.

He stares up at the ceiling, listening to the offbeat tap of Neil's pencil against his textbook. They're on Andrew's comforter, or maybe he should call it their comforter. They rarely sleep separately these days. Even the nights where Andrew needs the space, he'll wake up with an itch eventually, like something is off.

Perhaps that's why he feels this way right then; there's an untrustworthy feeling of calm. It's not something he ever liked in the past, because it was always followed by some kind of calamity, danger. Yet when he looks ahead, he finds nothing looming on the horizon. The sheets Matt taped to the walls block out the sun from the windows, and the calm only intensifies.

But, Neil is next to him, so it makes sense. He hates that it makes sense, and as steely as his memory is, he can't pinpoint when that happened.

It's fitting, that it would happen in a moment like this. It should also feel like a slap in the face, that with all their planning, all their anticipation, it would happen on a random, lazy afternoon, when the question isn't even in the air. It isn't even on their minds.

"I just think if there was an apocalypse math would come in handy," Neil says in the middle of their faux argument. Andrew won't admit to liking it, but he provokes Neil when he can, pokes and prods because it gets Neil's attention.

Not that Andrew needs Neil's attention...he's bored is all.

Insulting math is a sure fire way to get Neil in his teasing mood, sending them down a rabbit hole. All Andrew had said was that math was dumb, but now they're back on the zombie topic like it's second nature. They've fleshed it out so many times, yet there's never an unlimited amount of questions to be asked.

Last week they'd spent about thirty minutes debating on when survivors would run out of gasoline, and where the best sources would be.

Neil's smile is lazy as he rests his chin on his hand, waiting for Andrew to fire back.

Andrew leans over with sigh, put upon as he circles a random answer on Neil's homework. He doesn't get the problem, but he knows it's the wrong answer. He circles it in pen. "Neil, what did I say about trying to convince me about the pros of calculus?"

It's not going to happen.

Neil hums thoughtfully, and Andrew knows the striker's memory isn't that bad. "That if I did you'd kill me?"

Neil rests his head on his textbook, work momentarily forgotten, and has the nerve to wink.

Andrew throws the pen at him. "And yet..."

Honestly, even looking at all the numbers makes him want to gag.

Neil flops down onto his back, blowing his bangs out of his face. They need to be cut, Andrew realizes, and resists the urge to tie them back. He doesn't realize he's moving to see Neil's face more clearly until he's rolled over on his side, face above Neil's. It's their usual dance, one Andrew tries so hard to refrain from. A push and pull, so their jagged edges manage to fit together even under this failed fortress. Neil looks up at Andrew with that same cheeky grin. "That's such a you threat though, you won’t do it."

It's statements like that which will make Andrew actually go through with it one of these days.

He leans down with a glare, and the cigarette pendant around his neck hits Neil in the nose.

"Doubting me will be your downfall," Andrew reminds, and he can almost predict the moment Neil is going to bite his lip to suppress his smile. Goddamn Pavlovian response.

"You'd miss me too much," Neil states breezily, grabbing the necklace and fiddling with it. Neil's so confident about it now; Andrew remembers how in the past, he'd refrain from saying anything like that, unsure of how Andrew really felt, because Andrew wouldn't even admit it.

Sometimes he still can't, but the difference is...Neil knows.

Andrew scoffs, grabbing the math textbook Neil is using as a pillow and dangling it above their heads. Neil's head hits the floor and he yelps, eyes trained on his precious work. It's not a far reach, but Andrew's stronger than Neil, and he keeps it out of his grasp easily.

Neil flies up to lunge for it, fast as lightning, and Andrew keeps his shoulder pinned to the floor.

"H-hey!" Neil says through his laughter, and Andrew will give him credit, he tries hard. He just doesn't succeed. After failing to push up against Andrew's hold, Neil goes for the squirmy approach, wriggling enough that Andrew has to actually push some of his weight onto him to keep him down. He looks for any signs of discomfort, of panic; he knows Neil's history with being tied down, unable to run.

But, it's not a day clouded by bad memories. Neil only laughs harder in Andrew's bored face, twisting violently to reach for his shitty, overpriced textbook.

Neil doesn't even take care of the damn thing, the edges are frayed, pages falling out. It's nothing less than he deserves.

But not once does he tell Andrew to stop. Neil snorts, limbs flopping to the floor in a pathetic defeat. He's trying to scowl, but when Andrew is around, Neil's lying skills are null. Useless.

Giggles fade away into light huffs of breath, and Andrew quirks a brow. Neil's usually so stubborn, he wouldn't dare give up. Then again, maybe he's enjoying this.

Neil's eyes crinkle at the edges; for once, Andrew doesn't have to look away from the light in those eyes. Which...is strange. The urge to reject it, to push it away isn't there, not even swimming beneath the surface. It's more common nowadays, yes, but not any less suspicious. Andrew sifts for it, like an anchor, something familiar, and finds nothing. Like years and years of rust wore away the shackle, for the moment.

Neil seems to realize it too; his smile falls slowly, his chest heaving with the exertion.

Panting.

And oh, how predictable Andrew has become. It's not a good thing, he knows, but it's the grave he's chosen to lie in.

Neil's eyes bore into his, and their faces are a lot closer than Andrew realized. At some point, he must've moved. At some point, his body sought Neil out before his mind could catch up.

Isn't that interesting?

Interesting, not taxing. Alluring.

He used to hate that word, but never before has it sounded so fitting.

He watches Neil swallow, follows the bob of his adam's apple and the strong line of his jaw. Andrew scoots his hand up, tapping the beauty mark he knows is right behind Neil's ear, and those blue eyes catch fire, burning Andrew from the inside.

The dormant flame, the one that's been building for days, weeks, seems to finally meet kerosene.

He wants to kiss Neil. He wants to do more than kiss Neil.

He wants whatever Neil will give him. He wants to give Neil more than he ever thought he could.

It's a sudden, irresistible craving.

Neil's breath hitches, and his hand slides tentatively up Andrew's forearm, like he's dizzy despite lying down. Andrew's hips twitch just from that realization alone, from knowing he can affect Neil at the snap of his finger, trap them away from the rest of the world by pure feeling alone.

"Um..." Neil whispers, at a complete loss for words. The textbook falls from Andrew's hands; he doesn't care what happens to it, and neither does Neil in the moment.

Andrew's hand slides around the back of Neil's neck, cradling it, and the striker's pulse is like a rabbit's.

The only difference is, he's running right to Andrew.

"Um," he repeats, mockingly, and it's the last push Neil needs. He surges up at the same time Andrew crashes forward, their lips meeting for a kiss that sends Andrew's nerves into a frenzy.

It's all over for Neil's homework, after that.

Neil shoves his scratch paper and all his supplies away harshly, making room, and Andrew is on top of him in the next second.

It's not planned, Andrew realizes too late. They didn't plan this. This is not time he scheduled, carved out. Every movement is haphazard, limbs knocking into each other to try and fit right, their bodies never quite close enough. Neil's elbow hits the coffee table nearby at one point, and Andrew swallows his wince. The striker recovers instantly, so desperate for more.

Neil's a live wire, hiking up his own shirt before his train of thought zips somewhere else, and then he's tugging at Andrew's shirt, his belt, all silent pleas which scream at Andrew.

They're saying 'here' and 'more' and 'give me.'

For all the times Andrew has to tell Neil to stop fidgeting, now he has no room to.

Andrew breaks off the kiss messily, bumping his nose against Neil's cheek before pressing a firm kiss to his collarbone. He'd think his lips were searing from how Neil's body jumps from it, and Andrew lingers there long enough to feel the vibration from Neil's groan. But he's impatient.

Impatient. That's Neil's thing, not his, but Andrew has no reason to put an end to it.

"Yes, yes," Neil breathes, as if to reinforce that thought. Andrew kisses down the length of Neil's body; his chest, his abdomen, his hip, all firm and deep like he's trying to keep Neil from floating away.

Neil pulls lightly at Andrew's hair before cradling his face, guiding him back up for a kiss with zero aim. It's alright, there's no quota. No three strikes policy, his brain reminds him, stupidly. Neil huffs a laugh when Andrew kisses the side of Neil's lips on accident before planting one right on him. In fact, he does it twice to make up for it. Twice, three times...four...again...

"T-the door," Neil somehow manages to get out in between his moans, and oh, Andrew forgot.

What a plot twist; Neil's the one thinking ahead.

"Shit," Andrew mutters, glaring at the door and all who might dare to walk through it right then. He's not having a repeat of last time.

He gets up, or tries to. It's surprisingly a challenge with Neil there. Before Andrew can stand, the redhead pulls him down for another kiss, keeping him there. Only spite allows Andrew to actually get up, the desire to prove he's not that weak, even though Neil looks downright devastated when he's left alone on the floor for the .3 seconds it takes Andrew to lock them in.

Idiot.

Andrew not only locks the door, he uses the bolt too. If anyone wants into this dorm, they're going to have to break the damn thing down.

Neil is already waiting for him in the doorway to the bedroom when Andrew turns around. He moved fast, but Andrew can't comment on the eagerness. He hadn't even thought about moving to the bed.

But yes, doing it on the floor would've been a bad idea. Andrew tries not to think too much about how he probably would've continued no problem.

From how he pauses, it must be obvious. Neil quirks a brow, and one day Andrew's going to tell him to stop adopting his mannerisms without permission. "You can do me against other surfaces later."

Andrew doesn't dignify that with a response, but he takes it as the promise it is.

And, because Neil is the worst, he reaches out a hand for Andrew to take, knowing there's no other decision for him. No, there's no other decision he wants to make. Neil doesn't care what they do, as long as it's with Andrew.

The striker proves that again and again, and the clouded parts of Andrew always wait for that to shatter. But Neil doesn't expect too much of him; they mess up, they step back, but there's never another direction Andrew wants to walk in.

Nothing would stop him, at this point.

He has Neil in his lap on their bed in the next moment; he doesn't keep track of how it happened. From how Neil is keening, Andrew must've picked him up. So easy, Andrew thinks.

Neil isn't easy about anything but this; Andrew's strong hold, keeping him upright.

He practically melts in Andrew's arms, trying to wriggle closer. Andrew's never felt a good weight on him before Neil came into his life. It's addictive almost, the light pressure, the knowledge Neil will move away as soon as he needs to.

Sometimes, when Andrew really isn't in control of his thoughts, he thinks about shackling Neil to him, so they're both tied together. It's a stupid, selfish thought, and unnecessary too.

Doomed, he thinks. He should stop...he...

Neil's hands find Andrew's neck, because of course they do, and Andrew lets himself sigh into Neil's lips.

No, why the hell would he stop?

Neil eats up every noise Andrew gives him, a concession which is becoming more frequent, and the striker's hips start to roll slowly. Encouraging.

Andrew growls into the kiss, cupping the front of Neil's jeans to feel him twitch, hard for Andrew already. Neil breaks the kiss and throws his head back; possessively, Andrew wonders how many people on campus would kill to see Neil like this. And they never will.

Andrew pulls off Neil's shirt hastily, and the striker's hands are back on his neck, never satisfied. Andrew feels the chain around his neck move from Neil playing with it, twisting it around his lithe fingers as he strokes Andrew's skin. In an instant, Andrew has a moment of clarity.

'Get me one,' Neil had said. Andrew just might be able to now.

He pushes the thought away to reevaluate later when he's not trying to make Neil look spotted.

The hickies from a few days before aren't exactly faded, but Andrew makes them fresh anyways. That one guy from Katelyn's class has been staring at Neil again, and well, if Andrew's jacket isn't enough to relay the message...

"Ohh," Neil sighs when Andrew leaves another bruise on his collarbone, licking the sensitive skin gently.

This will have to do.

Andrew doesn't even realize he's taking his time until he's not. Neil's impatience reaches its limit, the lust in his eyes threatening to roll Andrew onto his back. It happened once before, Neil riding Andrew, clothes on.

It's something they'll have to explore again.

But, Andrew reads the room. He plops Neil off his lap and onto the bed, standing to rid himself of his shirt before moving to his jeans. This part is always a little slower; Neil has seen all of him, they've made out naked, showered together frequently, but it's still overwhelming for the first beat.

Neil's gaze is hungry though, jeans messily pulled down to his own thighs, right where the material has a hard time moving. The hesitation is wiped clean from the stare, but more so the fact Andrew wants his hands to be on Neil now.

He kicks aside his pants and underwear and has to jerk Neil's chin up to get him focused back on his face and not his cock. Neil glares, like he can sense the smirk behind Andrew's mask.

It'll be inside you soon, quit it.

Neil's clothes join his quickly on the floor. Andrew will deal with it later, maybe.

Neil slides down onto his back, and Andrew fits right against him, their cocks brushing on Neil's stomach.

"Fuck," Andrew grits out, and Neil shivers. Andrew strokes Neil firmly, from base to tip, smearing the precum wherever he can. He likes Neil like this, messy and unrestrained, so... "Good..."

So good for me.

Neil's eyes snap up to Andrew's, drunk on the small praise, ready for more, ready to do whatever it takes to get more. Neil's hands come up to grip Andrew's forearms, and for the first time in all their tries, the feeling of the fabric annoys Andrew.

He doesn't want them there. He wants the armbands gone. Off.

As if waiting for himself to rethink that, he stares at where Neil's hands are clenched in the fabric, trying to find the panic, the resistance.

"Andrew?" Neil whispers after the silence goes on too long, fingers uncurling. One step ahead, if he has to be. Technically he is, but for different reasons than usual.

Andrew peels his armbands off, setting them on the floor, scars on full display. Ugly, ruined things. A sign of his struggle, survival.

Things Neil understands all too well.

The redhead doesn't so much as flinch; eyes softening into something Andrew doesn't see from him any other time. Andrew has trusted him with this before, on the rare occasion, but Neil still treats it like a gift each time.

"I told you not to look at me like that," Andrew reminds, uselessly. The words ride the sound of their harsh breathing, pulled apart and drowned out like nothing.

Real, true nothing.

Not...

"I always look at you like this," Neil says, and he probably means it to be mocking. It doesn't carry.

"Can I?" Neil asks, but Andrew is already guiding Neil by the back of his neck, bringing his lips to kiss the scars firmly. Andrew doesn't move while he does; Neil is careful about it, never grazing his teeth or pressing too hard, but it's not enough to overwrite the bad memories completely.

It's a salve, at most, but that's more than Andrew had before.

Neil's fingers glide over the raised skin, his scarred forearms meeting Andrew's own. They are a pair, aren't they? Andrew doesn't believe people deserve anything, good or bad. There is simply reality.

Yet...knowing this is his...

"Neil," he says after a while, and Neil pulls back instantly, sighing. Andrew's fingers are kneading the back of his neck, just how Neil likes. He's run away from reality for so long, they both have. Now they're so deep in it, they can't leave.

So, Andrew will take all the parts of reality he never claimed before.

Andrew reaches over to fiddle with his bedside drawer, pulling out one of the foil packets. The striker in his arms jumps, hips twitching, and Andrew never feels like laughing but that look... Neil is ridiculous.

The redhead's eyes home in on the condom, right when Andrew speaks. He sounds breathless. "I need an answer still."

It's what matters most, even with Neil spread out naked beneath him, he needs it. Neil's stare slides over to Andrew, and it's unfair. Andrew has to close his eyes; a small sliver of panic runs through him, finally.

But it's not about sharing this, it's not about being exposed. It's a weird impulse to shield Neil away from everything, so nothing bad can ever happen to him again.

So nothing can take him away.

Because, how is Andrew supposed to move on from this? It's not a path he's let his mind go down, but he will at some point. Contingencies, back-up plans, to prepare for a day where Neil may be gone.

All plans that will fall devastatingly short.

"Yes," Neil whispers, and Andrew opens his eyes to see that smug smile, bringing him back to the moment like his crisis is null. Like Neil will never leave, and Andrew is a fool to think he'd be rid of him so easily. "Let's see what all the fuss is about."

Andrew does huff then, something akin to a laugh, and Neil's eyes brighten.

"I don't expect it to be any good," he says against Neil's lips, claiming them as he tears open the condom.

He feels Neil nod, pressed so close. The heat is back, the desperation, and Andrew's hips buck forward involuntarily at Neil's voice. "Mhm, probably terrible."

"Awful."

"We'll need a lot of practice..."

"Shut up Neil." Andrew slides the condom on and uncaps the lube. It should be quick now, he'll be buried inside Neil soon, especially because--

Neil spreads his legs, licking his lips at the sight of Andrew's cock between them. "I'm probably already stretched since...we--"

Andrew swipes his slick fingers against Neil's entrance, feels it already clench around nothing. Neil shudders in relief, humming from the promise of it. Andrew shakes his head. "We? You mean you always want to ride my fingers any chance you get."

He doesn't give Neil the chance to glare; he presses two fingers in, and Neil's body takes him so well, so smoothly. He avoids his prostate, if he even takes them there then Neil will beg for Andrew to just make him come like that, blissed out with nothing else on his mind. Not even exy.

"Don't you...always me---oh shit right there," Neil sighs, laughing because he doesn't know what else to do. Andrew wonders how intensely he feels it; he watches Neil's toes curl, his legs trying to find purchase. Andrew dutifully pins them to his side, knowing they'll eventually move.

Neil's legs are strong; last time, when they weren't careful, he kicked one out mid orgasm and broke the lamp by the couch.

They never told Nicky what happened to it.

"I will if it's the truth," Andrew says, and scissors Neil with three fingers just enough to ease his own mind. Not even Neil pushing back on him can calm the distress entirely. Andrew knows the feeling of his cock stretching Neil open will still be new, uncomfortable, but he'll be slow.

He won't get ahead of himself.

"It feels good," Neil states, surprisingly firm despite how wrecked he looks. There's a dreamy quality to his eyes, but the tone gets his attention. This is Neil, leaving no room for argument. "Andrew, I mean it. It all feels so good with you."

'Only you,' Neil had said, kicking his stupid legs back and forth all those months ago, like being with Andrew made him...happy. After so many things should've wiped that feeling out, torn it to shreds with blades like Neil's skin.

But no. Neil looks at him this way still, finds room to feel more and pushes Andrew to feel it too.

Neil will only ever share this with Andrew. As much as Andrew tries not to believe that deep down, because these things will eventually end in disappointment, it's slowly starting to carry the weight of a fact. A truth.

"You're staring," Neil says lightly, playful, and he's right.

Andrew glares at him, a silent admonition. Don't get too full of yourself.

"I'm waiting for something to be wrong," Andrew says, unable to help himself. It's the truth, part of it. He won't tell Neil all the unasked for revelations he's having, but that's the gist isn't it? He's waiting for this to be wrong, knowing it's impossible.

And instead of being shocked or offended, Neil just nods, kissing Andrew slow and deep. When he pulls away, the crinkle at the corner of his eyes is back. Andrew doesn't hope for much, but he hopes that stays. That way when Neil is old, he'll have wrinkles. It will be proof that Neil was able to grow old.

"And is there something wrong?" Neil asks, hand curving to the small of Andrew's back and never lower.

"No," Andrew answers, simply, honestly.

There's really not.

"Then get in me," Neil demands, not harshly, but laced with a wildness Andrew doesn't want to tame. He wants Neil to always be like this, desperate for his cock.

Andrew can't refuse.

He slicks himself up, pushes the tip against Neil's hole, and locks eyes with the striker. He wants to catalogue every moment of this. That way, he'll remember Neil when he can't remember anything else. He hopes that day comes.

With a stuttering breath, he pushes in. It's gradual, but not slow enough to delay things. That's what he wants to do, but he prioritizes what's better for Neil.

Already, Neil is trembling, panting cut off as he takes in the feeling of Andrew halfway deep in him.

"Breathe," Andrew snaps, grabbing the back of Neil's neck and squeezing. "Hey."

"I'm okay," Neil says, and it's shaky, breathy. His head lolls to the side, and there's a new smile on his face. It's no less stupid, but it sets Andrew's nerves on fire. He has to hold the sheets in the death grip to keep from thrusting forward, especially when Neil says--"I'm way more than okay."

Neil's expression is what Andrew would define as cloud nine, and thank fuck he knows Neil well enough to pin his hips down in the next second, because Neil tries to push himself all the way down on Andrew's cock.

Andrew doesn't care how much they've been messing around, Neil's trying to hurt himself doing that.

Or kill Andrew.

The movement makes him tremble, but he won't move, refuses to. Neil whines in protest, and Andrew understands the pause is mostly for himself to catch up with this new feeling. Neil's gonna have to deal with it.

It's Neil's fault anyways; Andrew brings the back of his hand to his mouth, reining in all of his urges. It's so fucking tight, the heat is unbearable in a way Andrew's never felt before. It's a separate kind of pleasure, all consuming, and paired with the knowledge it's Neil just threatens to send him over the edge.

He's inside of Neil, Neil's first, and Neil's body language is practically begging to be fucked. Neil's legs wrap around him, coaxing him, and dammit Andrew will not be the first to come here.

He risks looking down for the next part; Andrew takes a deep breath and pushes forward until his balls press flush against Neil's backside, and he chokes on the groan he tries to keep in. Neil's hole twitches around him, slick with lube and tinted pink. Andrew can't resist, he reaches down to trace the stretched rim, feeling Neil's squirm from it.

Andrew's not sure what prompted it, maybe pure disbelief. They're connected, Neil feels good. Neil--

"Oh my god, that's awesome," Neil says with a laugh, nearly on the edge of disbelief himself.

Andrew can't stand him. "Your dirty talk needs work," he says with a glare, and tries not to click his tongue from how strained he sounds. That perfect control, reservation...gone.

"I'm just being honest," Neil huffs, rolling his hips as best he can when Andrew still has them in a death grip.

Quit it.

All the little movements, the slightest shift...Andrew feels it so much, down his spine and through his legs. It should be terrifying, but there's an eagerness there instead.

"That's rare." Andrew's voice breaks off a bit at the end, barely detectable, but Neil moans shamelessly from it. He could probably get off just from Andrew's reactions alone.

"F-fuck," Neil sighs out, extra emphasis on the 'k' which sends Andrew's brain further into a spiral. He tries not to tremble when Neil's hands paw at his own abdomen, like he can't take the feeling, how intoxicating it is. "I'm going to come so fast, I'm sor--"

Neil never learned how to keep his apologies to himself.

And that's enough to make Andrew move; or so he tells himself, really he might just explode if he doesn't. He bucks forward gently, or as gentle as someone like him can manage, testing the waters.

That time, he groans, no chance of hiding it. It's swallowed up by Neil's gasp, and one of Andrew's hands buries itself on Neil's shoulder, grounding them both. The warmth...it's incredible.

"Idiot," Andrew says, and rolls his hips again. It's harder this time, channeling parts of his frustration. His balls slap against Neil's ass, loud in the small dorm room, and they both shiver. "Don't apologize."

Don't ever apologize when it's like this.

And to think, Andrew's pretty sure this must suck when put on the spectrum of good sex. He can't get enough.

"More Andrew, more," Neil breathes out, and Andrew starts to thrust in earnest. He'll listen to Neil, just this once.

The room quickly heats up; Andrew's body refuses to go more than a few seconds before swallowing Neil's moans in a searing kiss again and again. Their breath mixes, hot and frantic in the space between them. There isn't much. Neil's lips are like water, or maybe Andrew just needs to do this or he'll risk being just as loud as his boyfriend.

Andrew's thrusts are like a lot of things he does; precise, unrelenting. He's a fast learner too, maybe more so than Neil. He catalogues every yelp and moan that leaves Neil's mouth, familiarizes himself with what gets every specific little reaction.

If he presses down on Neil's stomach mid thrust, he gets a screaming 'yes,' if he pauses a little too much he gets a long and drawn out whine. Andrew doesn't usually study, but in this case he does so without complaint. In less than two minutes, he's made Neil work up a sweat, and Andrew's glad he has this now, a workout Neil would be all too happy to do. Andrew watches Neil's abdomen flex, and wants to lick every ridge of muscle.

There's almost too much to do and not enough time, the heat begins to coil in Andrew's groin, a warning. He...doesn't want it to be over.

"Holy shit, fuck yes, like that," Neil babbles, as harsh and cutting as his personality. Andrew takes all of it, unafraid of being sliced open. The enthusiastic consent keeps Andrew's demons at bay, but he knows they're not for his benefit.

Neil just can't keep his mouth fucking shut.

He pins down one of Neil's thighs to adjust the angle, making his skin wet with lube. Every push is slower, but powerful. It might just be that he can't get enough of being as deep as he can, seeing Neil's legs curl from how well he's being stretched.

Andrew bites off another moan before it can fully form, but Neil catches it with that same brightness in his eyes, like he has any room to talk when he's falling apart on Andrew's cock.

"You like it," the striker accuses, and Andrew hates having to repeat himself: stop stating the obvious.

"Do I?" Andrew responds, petulantly, and Neil smirks before clenching around Andrew's cock when he pushes in as deep as he can go. The groan he lets out has Neil's pupils eating up the remaining sliver of blue. Darkness, a void, but Andrew has never felt more alive staring into them.

"You're the worst," Andrew growls, snapping his hips to make Neil yelp. See, right there, that's what I mean. "So mouthy."

"Get me to shut up," Neil says with a laugh, like he can't wait.

Andrew freezes, looks up at Neil to make sure he heard right. And yes, Neil is staring right at him, challenging and soft at once. He caught it, he caught it no matter how Andrew tried to hide it.

The slowness, the oh so subtle way he held himself back.

Even now, even like this.

"Fuck me Andrew," Neil begs, hands fisting in the sheets by his head. "You're supposed to fuck me until it's all I can think about."

Andrew hears the words buried beneath: 'I can take all of you.' There's provocation too, an understanding that Andrew never goes back on his word.

This time, he's glad for it.

He leans down to bite at Neil's ear lightly, pushing himself in deeper before rocking forward. And, because Andrew is so used to being the conductor of Neil's body, he kisses him right when his mouth falls open. Exactly on cue.

"Tell me how it feels," Andrew says as he pistons forward, so close, too close. He doesn't care how gone he sounds, how out of breath and delirious. He needs to hear it.

Neil grunts after a particularly rough thrust. "I...it's--"

Andrew's movements are frenzied, not as precise as before, but this time he's allowing himself something. He's chasing his own end, without guilt, the edges of his vision already starting to white out from the heightening pleasure. Selfish, but Neil's wrecked moan is far from displeased.

"No words?" Andrew mocks. "You must like it."

Neil's legs wrap tight around his back, pushing him closer, and Neil's hands come up to push Andrew's sweaty bangs out of the way. "So deep, c'mon Andrew..."

And he does c'mon. His thighs meet Neil's in rapid succession, his pace spiking. Neil's ass, as much as Andrew hates it, is perfect and soft. It cushions every thrust, Andrew can feel it squeeze and tighten.

It's almost a shame he can't see Neil from the back...one day.

"Shit," Neil grabs his own hair, throwing his head back as he leans up on his elbows, trying to meet every one of Andrew's movements. There's no finesse; it is their first time, truly. They meet out of sync more often than not, but it's hectic, drenched in want. "Yes, yes, yes."

It's more addictive than smoke, than sugar.

"Come for me Neil," Andrew commands, grip tight on the back of Neil's neck, the pressure too much, unbelievable. He finally grabs Neil's cock, leaking obscenely between them and swollen at the tip. He pumps him mercilessly, firm, the way Neil likes it. "Let me feel it."

He wants every aspect of this burned into his memory, forever. As much as his eyes want to flutter shut, to bask in his orgasm, he wants to see Neil come undone.

He does, and Andrew doesn't assign the term 'beautiful' to anything. It's throwaway, and meaningless. But...Neil is a sight.

The striker's orgasm hits him like a speeding train; his hips stutter, and the sound he makes probably hurts his throat with how it tears through the air. Andrew watches, enraptured, as Neil turns over, body involuntarily twitching and curling in on itself. His stomach is a mess. Neil's cum lands high, dripping on his torso, and it's a shame Andrew has no time to lick it up in the moment.

Neil's thighs begin to shake from the intensity of his orgasm; he's not sure he's ever seen Neil come so hard. Certainly not enough for this, for his legs to tremble like he forgot how to move them; Andrew pins Neil's legs down, and Neil doesn't panic. He knows it's Andrew, and besides, he's too far gone. Andrew basks in the vibrations he can feel, uncontrolled, unrestrained.

And then, then Neil has the nerve to smile, completely blissed out of his mind.

It undoes him.

He thrusts forward twice more; they're stuttering, shaky movements, and then he's spilling into the condom. Andrew buries his moan in Neil's neck, muffled but still louder than he's ever allowed in the past.

'All the fuss' Neil had said. Andrew hates agreeing with others, but...he understands. He shares this with Neil often, coming apart down Neil's throat or in his hand, but this orgasm is a tidal wave. It's immensely satisfying, knowing he's inside Neil when it happens, that they're as connected as they can be. Andrew rocks forward over and over again, milking the feeling for all it's worth until he's too sensitive to move.

His stomach jumps, like he was dropped from one of those terrible amusement park rides, except he thinks this feeling is one he'd chase again.

Neil's body melts beneath him, muscles relaxing with a pleased hum. It's only then Andrew is aware of how loud their breathing is, filling the room. He wonders how it can all be contained. Space is a funny thing. He always required too much of it, an excess.

In fact right then, he anticipates the feeling. He's coming down, nerves simmering with the lingering heat, and his brain is foggy. Any moment now, he will need to break this quiet calm. He clings to it, until he can't.

He slides out of Neil with a shiver, tying off the condom and throwing it in the nearby bin. Neil whimpers from the separation, and Andrew's heartbeat jolts.

He's getting predictable, but he can't take his eyes off Neil. Neil, who is barely starting to blink away the post-orgasm haze in his mind. Andrew can track it, the moment Neil sees Andrew, and understands that it's over.

His legs are still--

"Shaking," Andrew comments, his hand gliding over Neil's inner thigh. The vibrations answer back, and Neil sighs from the touch. Andrew's heart reacts again, and it's familiar. He knows he's felt this before...

A heat, one that won't go away. Neil sits up, and Andrew scoots forward, unwilling to let Neil go too far from him. Like he's still craving, still--

"Yeah..." Neil whispers, hand resting on top of Andrew's. The redhead laughs at how his own body trembles, but there's a flash of insecurity in those dark eyes.

A consequence of Neil's lack of inexperience, he sometimes doesn't know if his reactions are normal, acceptable. Like Andrew won't be replaying this in his head for days, weeks.

"That's new," Andrew says, and he feels so stupid about it. He should be asking if Neil is okay, checking him over for injuries, making sure that haze in his eyes isn't some horrible predecessor to something else, because surely Andrew went too far, and--

"Can't...can't help it," Neil says with a laugh, and that damn smile. Andrew's muscles twitch, his mind halting in its initial terror. Neil looks...more than okay. He looks how Andrew feels, and it startles him to realize what that means.

Because Andrew feels...good.

Andrew freezes from that one, abysmal thing. He feels good. Over a year ago, it would've been a miracle to feel at all.

"It won't stop," Neil fills the silence, when Andrew is quiet for too long, eyes boring into Neil's face. The striker ducks his head, almost shyly, a word Andrew would never associate with him in a million years.

Neil's only shy when he's on the cusp of ruining someone's life for fun. The thought makes Andrew's entire being jump.

And that calmness isn't just calmness, it's the beginning of desire and yearning, rushing back with the promise of intensity. It's deja vu, this singing of his nerves. Andrew's not sure why; he expected a long talk, maybe a panic, or the itch to call Bee once all this actually happened.

Instead, he's left with this. Nothing behind it, nothing waiting in the shadows. He's sure there will be, in the future.

But his mind, in a rare fucking concession, gave him this.

"Then don't stop," Andrew nearly demands, because right then, Neil can't possibly show him enough.

Neil perks up, head lifting, performing the same search Andrew is so familiar with. He travels the lengths and lines of Andrew's face, just looking. Someday, Andrew will be okay enough to ask what Neil sees.

Whatever he finds, it makes him grin, a thing which Andrew will always hate him for. "Mm, okay."

Neil's legs wrap around him slowly, loosely, as if to keep Andrew nestled there. It gives Andrew the chance to break away, to retreat, and Neil won't take offense.

But the intent is clear; he wants Andrew there, wants Andrew close.

That same clinginess takes root in Andrew's veins, already missing the heat of Neil's body.

He wades through the waters of his head, one last time, because surely that can't be right. He's been asking that a lot lately, telling himself things can't be right when all evidence shows they are.

"Do you need to go?" Neil asks, echoing the question burning in Andrew's head. Does he?

The itch is back, but it's not bad, it's not wary. It's telling him to get closer.

When too many seconds pass without Andrew moving, Neil starts to create the space for him, to back away. Andrew grabs his ankle so fast Neil jumps, and he yanks him forward, showing off. Soon, Neil is flush against Andrew again. It's right, it pushes all the correct buttons inside him. When Neil feels the beginnings of Andrew's desire, semi-hard and leaking against his body, his eyes widen.

But well, Andrew did always like to give him a verbal answer.

Lazily, he tilts his head, regarding Neil in all his glory. Disheveled hair, drying cum on his chest, open and ready to take Andrew as many times as they both want. No, no reason to leave at all. Many reasons to stay.

"I don't think I'm done with you yet," Andrew deadpans, but he doesn't mean it. Neil will know he doesn't. They can end it here, if they need to. He watches Neil process the words, the slow blink. Neil's damn eyelashes are so long, even the dumbfounded stare seems sultry.

If there is a creator, Neil was made just to fuck with Andrew, knowing Andrew will do nothing to stop him.

Neil's confusion bursts into joy, blush high on his scarred cheekbones, and when he lunges forward into Andrew's arms, Andrew is all too ready to catch him.

#andreil #aftg #andrew minyard #neil josten #all for the game

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sleepwalkersregime · 6 years ago

Text

Day 2- Neil’s frienship with Renee

Here’s my second (late) fic for Neil’s birthday week. Read it on Ao3 or under the cut.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502065

None of the foxes had ever heard Renee swear before. It simply wasn’t in her vocabulary. Neil had yet to understand Renee as a person, and he still had his observation skills ingrained into his brain from years of needing them to stay alive. From watching during games, parties, and the school semester, Neil noted that Renee had the most self control of anyone he had ever seen before. His mind changed during one scrimmage.

It was finals week before Christmas break, and everyone was tired from the double practices that Kevin insisted on to make up for how much he knew they would slack off during break. They had been at it for an hour, and everyone was getting testy and tired. The scrimmage progressively got faster and more violent.

Neil made a particularly tricky pass back and forth with Kevin, relishing in the fact that he didn’t mess it up, before shooting at Renee. She tried to block the ball, but she wasn’t fast enough, and the goal behind her lit up red for the sixth time. If Neil hadn’t been so close, he would have missed the strained “Fuck!” come from beneath her helmet. He glanced around, but no one else was surprised, so he must have been the only one to hear. He raised his eyebrows at Renee. She exhaled. “Sorry. Long week.” Neil nodded before returning to half court. As usual, Andrew and Neil were the last to leave the locker room. They got back to the dorms and Andrew packed his things. He, Aaron, and Nicky were already going up to Columbia for the break, but Neil had one more final on Monday he needed to stay for, and Andrew was going to drive back down to get Neil afterward. Neil and Andrew said goodbye inside the dorm so that they wouldn’t have to do so in front of Nicky and Aaron. “I’ll miss you,” Neil said against Andrew’s mouth. “It’s just two days, idiot.” Andrew let out a hiss of air as Neil responded by trailing a line of kisses down his jaw. Neil pulled back and smiled. “Don’t fail your test,” Andrew said before turning to leave out the door. Neil accompanied them to the car and waved as the Maserati pulled out of the parking lot before heading back inside fox tower, going up the stairs to the roof. He nearly slammed into Renee when she opened the door from their floor. “Sorry Neil!” she quickly said as she continued around him without making eye contact. Normally, Neil didn’t like to get into any business he didn’t have to, but this was extremely out of character for Renee. “Is everything okay?” he called out. She stopped and turned to face Neil. Her face was red and her eyes were brimming with unshed tears. She took a deep breath before speaking, her voice coming out surprisingly steady. “I’ll be okay. Thank you.” Neil caught her arm before she spun off again. “Do you want- I’m going to the roof if you want some fresh air.” He felt awkward- he was rarely alone with Renee. She looked at Neil for a moment before nodding slightly. They went to the roof in silence. Renee followed suit as Neil sat down on the edge (on the opposite side of where he usually sat with Andrew). He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up, taking a single drag before letting it burn on its own.

Unsure of how to comfort a distraught Renee, Neil settled on keeping quiet until she decided to speak up. After a few minutes, she did.

“Allison’s parents want her to visit for Christmas. She said she wouldn’t go if she can’t bring me, and they aren’t happy about that.”

Neil remembered the time he found out that Renee and Allison were dating- he had been oblivious to the whole thing, and when his eyes lit up with surprise when he was told, Matt had slid Dan a twenty dollar bill.

“I told her we can always go to Stephanie’s. She’d love to have us. But Allison’s settled on bringing me home just to spite her parents.”

Neil looked at Renee and noticed her fiddling with the cross around her neck. “I left before it got too heated. I don’t want to start a fight right before Christmas.”

“That sounds tough.” Neil had never been good at knowing what to say to comfort others. “Allison seems to always choose the most dramatic option.”

Renee chuckled at that. “Yes, she does. I think she hopes that her parents will forgive her, but she won’t say it out loud. It’s great that they even invited her home, but it will take more time for them to accept us dating.”

Neil thought about his shopping trips with Allison, and how the very first time they went to the mall, she bought him a sequined crop top and impossibly tight leggings. “From what I know, Allison likes to throw everything out there at once, not wait for people to adjust slowly. Her parents know her, and if they’re willing to take her back for leaving to pursue exy, I think they’ll get over the initial shock of this soon enough.”

Renee eyed Neil. “You’re not as apathetic as you want people to think.”

Neil shrugged.

“Thank you, Neil. I think you’re right.” She squeezed his hand once and stood to leave. “Do you have plans for tomorrow?”

Neil shook his head.

“Would you be interested in coming to church with me?”

Neil’s mouth fell open. He had only been to a church once in his life, and it was used by him and his mother to hide. Organized religion was never something he had taken in interest in. The only thing that stopped him from saying no immediately was the fact that Andrew was gone. While they would normally spend Sundays together in their room and on the roof, he would have free time this week. It couldn’t hurt. “Sure.”

She smiled. “We’ll leave at 9:00. Dress nice.” And she left.

On Sunday morning, after his usual early run, Neil stood before his closet and realized he had nothing church-appropriate. His nicest shirt was a black turtleneck that Andrew had bought him for going to Eden’s. Figuring God wouldn’t mind, he paired that with his newest pair of jeans and put on a pair of black vans that Andrew had left behind. A knock on his door signaled Renee was waiting for him, and he met her outside. Neil looked at Renee’s bright shirt-skirt combo and down at his own outfit. “Sorry, it was the best I had…”

Renee shrugged it off. “It’s perfect.”

They walked about fifteen minutes to a small chapel nearby, filling the time with Neil asking Renee about her religious background and trying to understand why something so abstract brought her peace.

Walking in, almost everyone greeted Renee with a smile as she introduced Neil. The service was an hour and a half. A lot of it was singing hymns, which Neil opted to sit out on and just read the words instead. A priest gave a sermon about God’s love and sharing that love with others, no matter the differences between people. It began and ended with a prayer by someone from the congregation, and Neil was impressed by how everything was attributed to God. The prayers thanked God for everything they had, and asked for things like comfort and understanding.

“So what did you think?” Renee asked Neil as they walked home.

“It was… different. I’ve never believed in God because I never had a reason to. My life was always in someone else’s hands, and I never had any divine intervention that saved me.”

Renee nodded. “That’s how I felt too. Why would God just let these horrible people go around killing others? But, from how I connect with Him, it’s not about that. He gives us the tools we need to be good people, and it’s up to us to take it. When I was in a gang, God didn’t stop me because it has to be our own choice.”

Neil mulled that over for a minute. They were back on campus now, with fox tower in sight. “I can see why believing in a higher being is… reassuring. Like all the shit that happens here isn’t just it. God, or buddha, or mother nature, or whatever it is… there’s an outside force that can give us a second chance. And it’s worth it to try.”

They were back on their floor now, and Renee stopped with Neil outside his dorm door. “That’s exactly it.” She leaned in to hug Neil. “Thank you for coming with me. I hope you can understand why I’ve made the choices I have.”

Neil nodded. “Thanks for taking me. I… I’m not sure if Christianity is for me, but i’m glad to know more about it. And about you.”

She gave him a warm smile. “I’m always open to talk if you have questions. Good luck with your final.”

“Good luck with Allison. I hope Christmas goes well.”

Neil thought about church for the rest of the day. He really was happy that he got to understand Renee a little better- she had been a mystery to him every since he came to Palmetto. He wasn’t sure if he would ever believe in a god of some sort, but now that his life didn’t have an expiration date, he found comfort in the fact that he could explore this again whenever he wanted.

#aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #neil josten #andrew minyard #renee walker #allison reynolds #neilmas2019

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palmettofoxden · 7 years ago

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Love your Andrew and Renee's posts also Andrew taking pictures of him and Neil. Amazing. I'd love to read more.

Oooh. How about the time Andrew takes pictures with Nicky?

This is adding to this post and this one.

Nicky is jealous that Andrew took pictures with Renee and left them up on the wall.

And he’s jealous that Andrew has been taking pictures with Neil (even if he can’t tell that all of them are Neil and Andrew, he’s smart enough to be able to tell and there is even that one picture of them from the shoulders up that ended up on there).

Andrew doesn’t like people taking pictures of him and Nicky has accepted that, but there’s a difference between accepting that Andrew won’t let anyone take pictures and that Andrew won’t let Nicky takes pictures of him but will take pictures with other people.

Andrew is his family.

He’s known him for longer than either of them.

And, okay, Neil makes sense.

Neil is family.

But Renee isn’t.

And that’s what makes it hurt more.

Especially when it isn’t a just Renee thing.

Nicky tries taking a picture of Andrew and Neil and Kevin at the table at Eden’s and Andrew nearly breaks his phone.

So Nicky takes a little break from trying to get a picture to get Andrew to cool off.

And so Nicky decides he’s going to try to take pictures of Andrew when they’re at the next banquet.

Because that’s a special occasion.

Maybe Andrew will let him take the picture.

Nicky walks up next to Andrew and leans close to him and holds up a camera as he says, “Say cheese.”

Andrew covers his face and walks away.

Because Andrew refuses to pose or let anyone else control the camera and have control over the picture and have control over how he looks when it is taken.

Nicky is bummed out about it.

It shouldn’t get under his skin because that’s just Andrew, but then again he knows that isn’t Andrew all the time because he even made a few faces in ones with Renee that he left up on the wall.

It isn’t until Nicky vents to Neil about how Andrew won’t let him take a picture of him but will let Neil and Renee take pictures that Nicky gets clued into what the problem is.

And so Neil tells him Andrew doesn’t let anyone take pictures of him.

Andrew is the one who takes the pictures and Andrew only keeps the ones that Andrew wants.

And you have to ask Andrew first and hope he’s in the right mood for taking pictures.

And so Nicky is nervous but he believes Neil understands Andrew better than he does, so he decides to give it a try.

When the banquet is over and it’s time to go change out of their fancy clothes, Nicky asks Andrew if he’ll take a picture with him.

Andrew stops and turns and stares at him for a long moment and Nicky is sure that he is going to say no.

But then Andrew says, “I hold the camera.”

And Nicky quickly nods his head way too urgently.

And he rushes to unlock his phone and fumbles and ends up slowing himself down because he’s rushing so much to get the camera open before Andrew can change his mind.

He hands the phone to Andrew and Andrew takes it.

Andrew steps over to where Nicky is to stand next to him so that he can control the distance between them.

Nicky grins at the camera when Andrew holds it up.

Andrew keeps his expression blank.

Nicky asks, “Aren’t you going to smile in the picture?”

Neil shakes his head at Nicky from behind the phone.

Andrew shouldn’t have to fake smile.

Neil knows Andrew hated how his drugs plastered a fake smile on his face.

Nicky sees Neil shake his head and he sees the way Andrew starts to drop the arm that’s holding the phone, so he quickly says, “Or not. You don’t have to smile.”

And so Andrew holds the phone back up and takes the picture as soon as Nicky is still enough to not be a blur.

Afterward, Andrew holds the camera close to him and stares down at the picture for a long moment.

He decides the picture is acceptable and hands the phone over to Nicky without another word before turning to go walk to the change room.

Nicky stares down at the picture and of course he doesn’t delete it like Andrew was giving him the option to because Andrew might not be smiling, but Andrew took a picture with him.

A day later, that picture shows up on the wall next to one Nicky took with Aaron the same night.

Andrew barely glances in its direction once, but he never takes it down.

#All for the Game #The Foxhole Court #Andrew Minyard #Nicky Hemmick #Neil Josten #Ask #undergoldskiess #Personal #I didn't read through this so there are probably typos

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fuzzballsheltiepants · 7 years ago

Text

Back to the Start, part 8

All For the Game/The Foxhole Court, post-canon. Memories keep coming back, and Neil can’t really be...real, can he? And Katelyn’s kind of awesome. Read it on AO3 if you choose. Read Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Likes, comments, and reblogs really appreciated!

After Aaron and Katelyn left for the night, Neil found he couldn’t settle. Andrew was out cold. He pulled out his phone and stared at the black screen for a while; he felt a strong urge to see what the internet trolls were saying but knew it would only piss him off.

Aaron had confirmed Neil’s suspicion. Neil tried not to resent that Andrew would talk to Aaron and not to him; it wasn’t Aaron’s fault, or Andrew’s for that matter. Or his.

He wandered down the hall to the deserted waiting area. The nurse at the desk gave him a quick smile then returned to his computer. Neil clicked on his phone and pulled up his contact list. Betsy Dobson was the first of the Bs. It was just after nine; he thought she would still be up.

She picked up on the second ring. “Betsy, it’s Neil.”

“Neil! This is an unexpected pleasure.”

“I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“Not at all, I was just having a cup of tea and reading a rather terrible novel.”

Neil picked at a threadbare seam on the corner of the couch he had flopped down on and tried to think of what to say. He didn’t really know what he expected Betsy to do from South Carolina.

“Neil?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“Don’t hang up, Neil. I’m guessing you’re calling because of something with Andrew.”

Neil pressed the fingers of his free hand into his eyes. “He remembered Drake.”

There was a short pause. “I’m sure that was very difficult for both of you.”

“What do you know about his…situation?”

“Just what David shared with me and what was on the news.”

“He doesn’t remember much of the past few years,” Neil gritted out. “He doesn’t really remember me.”

The pause was longer this time. “What do the doctors say?”

“They say he’s doing well. They say this is ‘normal’ for this type of injury.” He laughed without humor. “I’m starting to understand why Andrew has grudges against certain words.”

“But you said he’s recovering memories.”

“Some, yeah. Mostly the terrible ones, as far as I can tell.”

“Or perhaps those are the ones he can’t help but show.”

Neil digested that. “I just don’t understand how this works. How can he remember Baltimore, but not really remember who I am? I mean, he knows my name, he remembers hitting me with that racquet, but I’m not sure he remembers me. Do you know what I mean?”

“I do. Have you asked him?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

He could hear that she knew his answer in her tone. Instead he asked, “Can’t you help him with recovering his memory?”

“Not really, no,” she said gently. “I can help him process what he knows, and that may help in turn, but really it’s up to his brain. On the plus side, we know what a formidable one he has.”

“I’m still not sure what’s going to happen when he’s released, anyway. If he’s going to come back down with me or not.”

“Don’t forget that he has an excellent therapist there in Boston. Depending on how long he’s hospitalized, and what the next step is, Dr. Isaac may be a better option. Have you contacted him?”

“No,” Neil said, feeling like an idiot for the thousandth time that week. “I don’t know how to.”

“I imagine his number is in Andrew’s phone.” Right. The phone still sitting in the stadium with all of his other stuff. Neil wondered how he had forgotten about that.

“How are you doing, Neil? Not you-and-Andrew, but you.” When he didn’t answer she added, “There’s a reason you called me rather than talking to his doctors.”

He just wanted everything back to the way it was. A week ago he had been wrapped up with Andrew in their bed savoring the last of his break. Just a week ago. “I’m fine.”

She sighed. “All right, is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No.”

“In that case, get some sleep. Good night, Neil.”

He thought he thanked her before hanging up. He hoped he had. Pulling his fingers away from the loose threads on the couch, he dragged himself back to the room.

*****

The click of a door registered through the haze of sleep and Andrew snapped awake. The room was oddly lit. He blinked. It wasn’t his room. He blinked again. There was an empty chair next to his bed and a window in the door. He dragged himself out of the nightmare - or was it a memory? Not that there was much of a difference. All his nightmares were really memories.

A few more blinks and he was back in the present. He could hear subtle movement in the room then Neil appeared in his line of vision, furtively preparing for sleep. Neil lowered himself slowly into the chair, then froze when he saw Andrew’s eyes on him. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“How long was I out for?”

“Just a couple hours. You can go back to sleep, I’m done making noise.”

But for once Andrew wasn’t sleepy. Judging by the way Neil held his eyes once he was settled into the chair, neither was he. “What.”

Neil blinked at him in confusion. “What?”

“You’re staring.”

“I’m always staring.”

“Yeah but now you’re staring with a purpose.”

Neil looked away, fiddling with his hands. “I hate this,” he said finally. Andrew waited. “I hate that you only remember the bad stuff.”

Andrew didn’t know how to respond to that. Didn’t know how to tell him that he remembered other things - remembered bits and pieces of meals and drives and games and shared cigarettes on the roof, the weight of Neil’s mouth on his own and the feel of his skin, the sound of his hitches of breath. Because none of that felt real. None of that felt possible, despite the obvious evidence of it sitting curled up in a ball in the chair next to him.

“Go to sleep, junkie,” he said, not totally sure where the nickname came from, and Neil’s eyes snapped back to his. “It’s not all I remember.”

The smile he received in reply was ridiculous, and he ignored it as he settled back in, tugging the blankets tighter around himself. Just as he ignored Neil’s hand coming to rest on the edge of his bed, as it somehow always seemed to. And if he woke up the next morning to find their finger tips slightly interlaced, he didn’t comment on it and neither did Neil.

The atmosphere in the hospital was different that day. It seemed like suddenly everything that had been in slow-motion was at full speed. He got wheeled off for another MRI first thing, and this time the noise-canceling headphones were enough that he didn’t need to vomit afterwards. The lights were brighter and he walked for longer and they even let him have a magazine. Neil disappeared to work out, with a laughing promise to try not to assault any reporters.

Aaron and his girlfriend appeared just as Neil returned bearing a chocolate-filled croissant that he handed to Andrew without ceremony. The girlfriend greeted Neil with a hug and handed him a bag full of stuff, and Andrew understood why Neil had warned him he wasn’t allowed to kill her. Especially when she pecked Neil on the cheek when he took the bag. Andrew glanced at Aaron, who rewarded him with an eye roll.

The girlfriend chattered about New York and the stresses of anatomy lab while Neil showered. Andrew wanted to tune her out but there was little else to hold his attention. Though watching Aaron… Most of what Andrew remembered of Aaron was from before. This was interesting, to say the least.

Then Neil came out of the bathroom and Andrew decided maybe he didn’t hate the girlfriend after all. Not if she’d picked out those clothes. Fuck. He really didn’t know what was wrong with him. Well, besides the whole skull-fracture-traumatic-brain-injury thing. The doctors hadn’t mentioned this as a potential symptom. Then again, given what memories his brain was dredging up, perhaps it was some pre-existing condition. A manifestation of the bipolar, or something. Because want was normal. Want was biological. He understood want, had since juvie. But this was more like need. And need was irrational. Need was dangerous. Need had led to the lines marring his forearms, to him breaking into houses and shops until he had finally been caught, to whatever had been left of his heart being destroyed.

Aaron and the girlfriend were wedged into the chair together. Neil stood near the foot of the bed, listening to the inane conversation as if it were important. Andrew studied the long-healed scars on his face. Abruptly, not caring about whatever nonsense he was interrupting, he asked, “How long ago did that happen?” He gestured to his own face.

The girlfriend made a remonstrative noise but Neil answered easily, “Almost four years ago.” He gave Andrew a questioning look but Andrew just hummed in reply and Neil turned back to the girlfriend and asked a question, setting her off again.

Four years. Four years since Andrew had been nearly torn apart by terror. Four years since he had felt that anguished need that seemed so fresh in his memory. And yet Neil was still here.

*****

Dr. Martin appeared with someone Neil believed to be an intern before Katelyn had petered out, so he didn’t get a chance to ask Andrew about getting his stuff from the stadium. Her arrival essentially shoved Neil off to the side. Andrew’s eyes followed him as found a new spot near the window. Dr. Martin introduced herself to Aaron and Katelyn and reviewed all the medical stuff Neil already had heard. They finished up with this morning’s scans, which showed resolution of the hematoma.

“It’s time to discuss the next steps in Andrew’s care,” Dr. Martin said. Neil tried not to bristle at the way they focused all their attention on Aaron and spoke about Andrew like he wasn’t there. “While he could be ready for discharge as soon as tomorrow, he will need ongoing assistance until he can manage on his own. Now, it’s our understanding he lives alone here in Boston.”

“Yes,” Aaron said, and Neil’s fingers twitched. He didn’t understand this shift in the dynamic. He glanced at Andrew, whose eyes had a faint gleam that could have been amusement or irritation. Likely both.

“Ideally, Andrew should go into a rehabilitation facility for a few weeks while we assess how well he can live on his own.”

“No,” Neil said, and everyone looked at him in surprise. Everyone but Andrew, whose gleam intensified. “He’s not going to some facility to have strangers looking after him.”

“I assure you, it’s a very good facility,” Dr. Martin said.

“No,” Neil said again.

“Neil,” Aaron warned.

“Easthaven was supposed to be a very good facility too, Aaron, in case you’ve forgotten.” Aaron blanched and Andrew’s face went completely blank. Neil wanted to kick himself but he plowed on. “Andrew, I told you before. You can come back to PSU with me if you want. Otherwise, we can find another solution for you to stay here.”

“With all due respect, Mr. Josten,” Dr. Martin said, “you have no input into this.”

The ground dropped from beneath Neil’s feet. “What?”

“You have no legal say. You’re not married and you have no legal domestic partnership. We have been making an exception for you, allowing you to stay here, but this is not your decision.”

“Is it not Andrew’s either?” He turned to Andrew. “Because as far as I can tell they don’t seem to care about your opinion.”

“Mr. Josten.” Dr. Martin’s voice was calm, sympathetic, but firm. “Aaron is Andrew’s legal next of kin. They will decide the next steps together with us. We must ask you to respect this conversation.”

“I can’t believe this.” Neil thought he was going to vomit. He looked between the twins. Aaron’s expression was wary; Andrew’s held just a hint of black anger, and Neil didn’t know who that was directed at. “We have resources in South Carolina. We have Abby and Betsy, and the medical center’s right there. Surely that’s better than staying with people you don’t know.”

“Mr. Josten, I’m going to ask you to leave.”

Katelyn stood and put her hand on Neil’s arm. “I shouldn’t be here either,” she said gently. “Come on, Neil. We can wait down the hall.” He looked once more to Andrew, but he made no move to ask him to stay, so Neil let Katelyn guide him away.

Out in the waiting room he couldn’t settle, couldn’t sit. He felt that urge to run that had long been dormant but would never truly die. Katelyn was quiet, for once; she had murmured apologies the whole way down the hall, then fallen silent as soon as she dropped onto one of the couches. It was the one with the threadbare corner, Neil noticed idly. He hooked his hands behind his neck but it wasn’t the same as Andrew’s grip, it held no gravity for him.

“Neil,” Katelyn said gently. “Come and sit.” He shook his head and walked the length of the room, noting the handful of other people scattered over seats. One woman held a string of beads with a cross at the end, her lips moving silently. A man wept over in one corner and Neil wondered in what way his world had just ended. Two older people clutched each other’s hands and stared at the floor. He turned and walked back.

Katelyn joined him when he reached her. “They shouldn’t have done that,” she whispered and there were tears in her eye. Neil wondered why. “Maybe we shouldn’t have come. If we’d known…”

“I’m going to go for a walk,” Neil said.

“Don’t,” Katelyn pleaded. “Don’t go, Andrew will want you here when they’re done.”

Neil gave what might’ve passed for a laugh. “Do you think if Andrew cared he would’ve let them kick me out in the first place?” Katelyn shrugged helplessly. “It’s not the same. He doesn’t remember.”

“I don’t know, Neil. I’ve never understood what motivates him. All I know is whatever he remembers, he looks at you the same way.”

“What way is that?”

“I don’t know…like the world begins with you.” Neil turned away to pace again and she sighed. “Do you have your phone?” He reflexively checked his pockets and nodded when he felt it. “I’ll text when they’re done.” He nodded again and shoved through the door, running before he even reached the stairs.

#aftg #tfc #all for the game #the foxhole court #neil josten #andrew minyard #andriel #amnesia #hospital #recovery #fluff and angst #my writing #fanfic #past trauma #aaron minyard #katelyn #betsy dobson

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d2kvirus · 4 years ago

Text

Dickheads of the Month: February 2021

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of February 2021 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Let it not be said that Republican senators know what is best for their country. And what is best for their country? Putting their party ahead of the country, because it’s far more important to show the country that Republicans stick with one of their own even when “one of their own” isn’t one of their own but stood on a Republican ticket, even though they just so happened to incite a riot at the Capitol having lost on said Republican ticket

The High Court ruled that Matt Hancock acted unlawfully when doling out contract after contract to his mates no matter how unqualified they are, and not only did he not resign, but we had the BBC burying the story with as little a mention as they could get away with when it broke while Keir Starmer said he did not believe the public wanted to see Hancock resign. Gee, I wonder why the UK is so fucked up?

...and then Matt Hancock went one further by saying that the British public should be thanking him, because apparently we should be grateful for 130,000 dead, his mates making off like bandits on lucrative contracts, multiple spikes in death rates due to gross incompetence by him and his bosses, and him gaslighting the public by saying there was never a PPE shortage while telling the public they should be thanking the greedy, useless, sociopathic cunt

It appears that Dido Harding is the only person on earth who is unaware that viruses mutate. That sound you just heard was the collective screaming of every biologist, virologist and epidemiologist on earth screaming in unison at the combination of her making such a profoundly moronic statement as if it was an adequate defence, and the fact she was not only given £10bn to be in charge of Serco’s test & trace but is spending £1000 a day on consultants fees in spite having less knowledge of how viruses work than a peanut

Remember how Keir Starmer said he’d unite the Labour party? I have to ask, as it appears that Starmer has forgotten about that considering all three candidates for the Liverpool mayoral election were dropped from the ballot without any reasoning given short of some vague and meaningless wording of a vague and meaningless statement, something which Starmer has been issuing a lot of lately

Smirking bully Priti Patel seems to have finally cottoned onto the fact her role is to allow boneheads to point to the one non-white person who agrees with them and claim that means everyone agrees with their boneheaded views, which she demonstrated by making some patently absurd comments about the Blame Lives Matter movement while moaning about footballers taking the knee before every match - which no doubt had at least sixteen people named Gary tweeting in support of her within the hour

The fact that several LAPD officers decided that the discussion about both police brutality and endemic racism in policing wouldn’t get in the way of their being a bunch of edgelords and send valentine’s cards mocking the murder of George Floyd in the most twattish way imaginable sums up exactly why the “orL lYfeS mAttUH” knobheads are so far wide of the mark that they don’t even know what the fucking mark is

So the defence which Anne Sacoolas gave in the inquest into the death of Harry Dunn was that she worked for US intelligence, which somehow justifies driving over the speed limit on the wrong side of the road, before legging it out of the country at the earliest opportunity - with the full support of the UK government to make sure she got out of the country

Similarly, apparently it did not occur to Gina Carano that tweeting out all manner of batshittery, culminating with her saying that being a Republican in 2021 America is like being a Jew in Nazi Germany, is the sort of thing that has repercussions for your career. Such as getting fired from your high profile acting gig while also having your agency drop you like an ice cold turd

Something which escaped the Tory government during their joyous pronouncement that the R number for Covid has dropped below 1 for the first time since July 2020: in doing so, they not only revealed that they pushed ahead with numerous plans, such as getting children back into school, removing employment protections for people who didn’t feel safe trudging into the office, and bribing people into restaurants with a £10 voucher when they were fully aware that the R number was above 1 - which, of course, was also missed by the supposed journalists at the BBC when joyously pronouncing the R number was below 1 for the first time since July 2020

It’s reasonably clear that Ted Cruz isn’t a champion of self-awareness, what with his response to Texas being hit with heavy snowfall and widespread power outages at the exact same time by legging it to Cancun (during a pandemic...) without realising how that made him look and sound remarkably like Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons - and he abandoned his poodle at home to do so

...and sticking with Texas, the image of Fred Meyer posting armed guards outside of their stores to prevent people from taking the produce that the store had dumped outside was one for the Capitalism family photo album

...just as Texas’ power outages led to Tucker Carson trying to blame wind turbines for the outages in spite of the fact wind turbines provide less than 15% of Texas’ power, meaning that Carlson found an entirely new way to blame minorities for problems

While it was incredible to see the ERG doing something that could be classified as research for the first time since their formation in 1992, their “research” involved them demanding that Westminster scrap Article 16 of the Northern Ireland Protocol - the same Article 16 of the Northern Ireland Protocol which every single member of the ERG voted for last year

Professional victim Rachel Riley came under such a vile and sustained attack when she gleefully claimed that Aaron Bastani has finally been booted out of Labour - a claim that would have a crumb of credibility if it wasn't for the fact that Bastani willingly cancelled his Labour membership a year or so ago

How nice of Oliver Dowden to put forward the idea of all British universities installing a Free Speech Champion, whose role is to shout down criticism of Britain’s less than savoury past because statues of slave traders need to stay up because statues have more rights than people these days

It was remarkable how Andrew Neil managed to spell out exactly how the media have aided and abetted the right‘s bastardisation of the word “woke” into an insult of its original meaning - and somehow failed to notice that is exactly what he was doing as he was tweeting it

The journalistic integrity of Sarah Smith took an absolute battering when she claimed in a report on the story of Nicola Sturgeon and ministerial code - a story which the BBC are giving so much more coverage to compared to the seconds they gave to Matt Hancock being found to have acted unlawfully, by the way - when she stated that Alec Salmond asked for Sturgeon’s resignation. Except that simply is not true, as Salmond never asked for that, which makes it look uncannily like the BBC have the knives out for Sturgeon because Scottish lady made BoJo look bad

Man of the British people Richard Littlejohn chimed in from his gated community in Florida claiming that a statue of Captain Tom Moore that currently does not exist would soon be pulled down by BLM protesters that he has made up, which definitely doesn’t read like sixteen different kinds of bollocks to preach to the pig ignorant converted among the Daily Mail’s readership who lack the common sense to ask questions such as “Hang on, are you comparing Captain Tom to a slave trader?”

There was little surprise that The Sun responded to Harry & Megan announcing their pregnancy by trying to say that they’re hiPpPKritZ for wanting privacy yet telling the world that they’re expecting a child, almost as if they cannot understand that the couple being bullied out of the country by both press intrusion and a particularly nasty whispering campaign led by The Sun among others is what they meant when they said they wanted privacy - which seems to be the case given how many articles thundering the same line were vomited forth in the days immediately afterwards

Convicted criminal Darren Grimes didn’t seem to notice how sinister his statement (if a passive aggressive shittweet counts as a statement, which in Grimes’ world it certainly does) about BAME voters being able to vote in “our elections” actually sounded, did he?

Amidst the accolades Andrew Butler and James Wilson have been getting for their short film Keratin, there was one dissenting voice: artist Adam Ellis, who wrote the short comic Super Chill, which Butler and Wilson plagiarised and only informed Ellis when the film was already doing the festival circuit where they asked him to promote a work that ripped off his book in spite neither asking permission nor informing him beforehand, nor did they give Ellis a single credit

There was absolutely nothing normal about how Eddie Marsan lead a particularly vicious pile-on which Ian Austin and Steven Pollard were among those who joined in, all because somebody said that It’s A Sin was let down by Tracy Ann Oberman being in the cast, which naturally must mean this one person is an antisemite who must have dozens of people dogpile onto them in a short space of time while also revealing just how insane Gnasher’s pack have gotten if they now consider a person being a Liverpool fan as one of their red flags for rampant antisemitism

Apparently nobody had the conversation with TJ Ducklo that consists of saying that threatening to “destroy” journalists is not a good look, judging by TJ Ducklo threatening to destroy Politico reporter Tara Palmeri

Waffling gargoyle Nigel Farage demanded that the EU Human Rights Act be scrapped. Luckily for Nige, there is no longer an EU Human Rights Act so he can claim “victory” - although the fact there wasn’t an EU Human Rights Act during the video he posted demanding it be scrapped, or at any point in history before he posted the video demanding it be scrapped, he’s either lacking in any form of knowledge about the EU whatsoever or is banking on clueless boneheads who have no knowledge of the EU so believe that Acts which don’t exist should be scrapped because waffling gargoyle Nigel Farage said so

Has it occurred to Piers Corbyn that doing things such as comparing lockdown to Auschwitz, and distributing leaflets saying exactly that, is monumentally knobheaded? Hang on, let me check...no, he hasn’t realised that doing so is monumentally knobheaded, what with him doing precisely that

Something possessed Lauren Boebert to sit in on a Zoom meeting with three assault rifles and a GLOCK precariously balanced on the shelves behind her, somehow failing to notice that not only did it look completely deranged - especially if a spot of light dusting could lead to her unintentionally shooting the neighbours on both sides of her house - but the assault rifle on the bookshelf aesthetic has already been done by Osama bin-Laden

The oppressed underclass that are Manchester United fans once again responded to their team dropping points by racially abusing one of their own players on social media, with Axel Tuanzebe once again bearing the brunt of it after their 3-3 draw with Everton

Good to see that Gab are on the grift again with their free speech device, a device which guaranteed free speech by blocking cable channels that people who still use Gab (or rushed back there after Parler got iced) don’t agree with, because nothing says “free speech” like blocking differing viewpoints

There comes a point where you hope Julia Halfwit Hartley Brewer puts her foot down and tells her paymasters she’s had enough of making moronic statements posed as a question for people dumb enough to agree with the moronic statement, but clearly it wasn’t when she was told that her response to the Perseverance rover landing on Mars should be asking why we can send a probe to Mars yet not visit our neighbours, which is moronic even by the usual bilge she's told to throw out into the world by her paymasters

Hearing PS5 scalpers whine and complain that they are disrespected, and using some patently absurd arguments to defend themselves such as saying they’re simply supermarkets - as if they haven’t emptied said supermarkets of their stocks of PS5s before they even made it to shelves - really sums up how human garbage may have gained sentience, but it hasn’t gained self-awareness

Did it really not occur to DJ Tiiny that his telling record producers that their artists would get on his radio show as long as they bunged him £200 might come out at some point? Because guess what? It came out that DJ Tiiny was telling record producers that he could guarantee airtime for their artists if they bunged him £200

Occasional wrestler Austin Aries reminded us why the “occasional” part is relevant, as he decided to do a signing without masks where he signed tinfoil hats for the Covid Truthers who came to reward him for finding a career where he doesn’t have a track record of burning bridges with the entire industry

And finally, screaming and screaming until he is sick, is Donald Trump throwing a tantrum and quitting the Screen Actors Guild approximately ten minutes before he was expelled for that whole encouraging-white-terrorism-to-storm-the-Capitol thing back in January

#dickheads of the month

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coldsaturn · 8 years ago

Text

TKM Timeline

ok so, @flowerparrish gained legend status by giving us the timelines for TFC and TRK (you can find them HERE), but we were still missing TKM, and for the meta I’m preparing I needed all three laid out, so I wrote the one that was left. I tried being as careful as possible, but mistakes are 100% still there, so bear with me xD Also, the timeline matched 2007 precisely, if not for a single point where I don’t know if it’s a matter of mistake during the rewriting of the book, or if I’m actually reading wrong. Also, I’ll try to keep the formatting similar to the other timelines to keep things neat. Without further ado:

Tuesday, January 2: Neil has his looks back, and is waiting for the team to come back after christmas break. it’s been 7 weeks since he last saw the foxes. matt punches kevin for letting neil go to the nest. neil gets a careful hug from nicky, aaron doesn't give a shit, neil and kevin argue about what to do. nicky gives neil his christmas gift, a coat. kevin gives him his binder back. "I know what he's like," Kevin said ... "Riko. If you want to talk."--- Kevin breaking my heart. Neil outs to kevin that he knows coach is his father. they go pick up andrew. once parked back at fox tower, neil goes to take his binder from under the driving seat and andrew shifts closer, prompting another poem on how steady andrew is. rooftop confrontation. iconic lines follow "You spend all this time watching our backs," ... "who's watching yours?" "the next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. do you understand?" "if it means losing you, then no," "I hate you," "you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs." "i'm not a hallucination," "you're a pipe dream". then kids kerfuffle ensue: andrew tosses the keys off the roof. neil goes down, picks up andrew's cigarette and throws his signature salute back at him. neil goes back in and goes to bed early after a short exchange with matt.

Wednesday, January 3: Neil goes to the library looking for news about his father and riko, but falls asleep. andrew has a hair kink and wakes him up. "Fingers clenched into a fist in his hair and Neil didn't resist as Andrew forcibly tilted his head back." other iconic lines follow "Is your learning curve a horizontal line?" they reach the car, the seating arrangement has already changed; Kevin is now in the backseat with Aaron and Nicky. Andrew finds an Extra™ way to give Neil the key of his car, by fastening it to the phone charger. (did he already know that neil would need to charge his phone in the car? did he plan the entire dialogue out? what?) abby decides to keep neill off the court for a week and is the usual angel that she is "All I can do is patch you up afterward and hope for the best. I'm sorry, Neil. We should have been there for you." THEN SHE HUGS HIM . the girls see neil, andrew punches matt for kevin. "Andrew dug a fingernail into the hollow of Neil's throat until he had Neil's undivided attention. "Sit down and be still." UNNECESSARY. neil stares at a new knife andrew is playing with. "i've never understood why he likes knives." neil sees the glimpse of the past!renee. wymack gives the calendar for the next matches and gives his motivational speech du jour. kevin smacks Neil's head because he doesn’t understand the meaning of recovery time. neil argues, andrew proves everyone's point by pinching neil's wrist and KO'ing him. follows makeup party with the girls as Allison fixes neil to be presentable

Thursday, January 4: neil studies matches, then rides in Allison's pink convertible, thanking her for the silence (what an underappreciated friendship honestly). second round he rides with aaron, and what a fucking petty thing Neil is "Neil drove, and somehow he resisted asking how long it'd been since anyone let Aaron ride passenger. There was nothing yet to gain from antagonizing Aaron." (funny thing is that aaron is most likely thinking the same thing). neil checks his messages from christmas and then narrates about jean. "Neil wondered what it cost him to watch them both leave." shhhhh DON'T "katelyn and aaron had sneaked around most of fall semester, avoiding each other at games and meeting up at the library between classes" (convenient that andrew hates libraries). neil has a session with bee, and then rides back with aaron, where they have a civil talk that still has me shook. then neil asks renee about her reaction at the knife comment, then a bit of her backstory, and then my heart swells "If you need them, he will give them to you, and I will teach you how to use them." "Neil was starting to understand why Andrew liked her." also andrew is a petty cat "Instead of clearing the balls back down the court like usual, he was firing them at Kevin. More specifically, right at Kevin's feet. [...] Andrew did the same to Dan" wymack has the brilliant idea to use andrew's bf. "I don't think he'll listen to me" "you and I both know he will." andreil make another exchange: andrew will stop antagonizing the team, and neil will show him his scars. wymack KNOWS "just promise me this sin't going to be a problem" then there's andreil scene with andrew mapping with his hands neil's scars. eden's twilight. roland thinks andrew ties neil up and throws his pal and his secret crush under the bus. tragic. then this happens "that doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." "Neil jumped like he'd been shot and jerked his attention to Kevin. Whatever Kevin saw on Neil's face, it was enough to kill his curiosity. Kevin slowly closed his mouth, withdrew his hand, and went back to drinking" #awkward. On Monday the night practices resume.

Tuesday, January 11: neil gets his clearance and can play. dan/matt + neil talk about gettin the team back together. they settle on talking with katelyn first, then aaron. "He catches on at last," Andrew mused. "it only took him a year. " "what are you afraid of?" "heights." (andrew unnecessarily spilling truths in a casual back&forth with neil)

Friday, January 12: matt reports what dan has found out from katelyn about the twinyards agreement. neil plots about involving bee. neil shows his tattoo to allison and dan. neil texts with katelyn to fix an appointment for the next day, then calls bee to confirm that she can work with andrew and aaron together.

Saturday, January 13: neil meets with katelyn at the library. [[HERE THERE'S A MASH BECAUSE NARRATION TALKS LIKE EVERYTHING HAPPENS ON THE 11TH, BUT THE NIGHT OF TUESDAY NEIL IS AT NIGHT PRACTICE AND THEN GOES TO SLEEP AND THEN TALKS TO MATT. ALSO KATELYN TOO MAKES THE APPOINTMENT THE NEXT DAY SO THERE ARE ACTUALLY 2 DAYS SMASHED IN 1. BECAUSE I’M IGNORANT AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS STRAIGHT I’LL WRITE AGAIN FRIDAY]]

Friday, January 12: it's raining and on matt's words allison is a "hot mess". matt tells neil that he's the main star in 2 of their 16 bets. they reach the airport. iconic lines. "andrew, you can't be. what were you doing on the roof?" "feeling" neil gives andrew his first name. someone takes their picture while they're cute with the matching coat. andrew buys bee a figurine. riko and jean are there, watching the game. matt is the first to react with a furious "what are they doing here?" "I'll ask," andrew said, and started that way. LMAO also andrew shows that he has every single detail of the enemy's team printed in his head and they're going to win because he's a genius. also wymack "anyway, imagine I actually got through everything important I needed to say, because it's too late to finish it now. the court's open." thanks xD

MATCH vs Texas: the first part of the game is "an even back-and-forth, with a couple collisions, near-misses, and more than a few rude words exchanged." Dan resisted 10 minutes before flipping the starter that was marking her off her feet, then made the kind gesture of offering a hand, then provoked until the starter punched her, earning them both a yellow card. the rest of the first half was brutal, and andrew let only 2 goals in, as it was agreed with wymack. the foxes have 4 goals. at the second half the Longhorns got 2 players red-carded and 5 yellowed. the final score was 7-6, foxes' favour.

renee goes to greet the ravens, and "Riko didn't take the hand Renee offered, but Jean did. The handshake lasted a little too long, but Neil didn't know which one of them was slower to let go." and it goes on with "Renee was the first bright thing to catch his eye." a reporter asks about neil's tattoo, and neil decides to humiliate riko in front of the press again. "Look, I'm going to be honest," *proceeds to drag him* "I said I'd be honest, but that was a little too transparent. Let's say this instead--" then neil and kevin have a kerfuffle because kevin is horrified, and then neil warns wymack "Oh, and sorry in advance about the press. In my defense, they started it." "Christ alive," Wymack said. RIP

Saturday, January 13: fans start to retaliate after Neil's brilliant press interview, they trash the cars. aaron accuses neil using seth, allison hits aaron, andrew attacks allison. neil manages to calm andrew down, aaron realises just how far andrew would go for him. aaron and neil argue over the twinyards agreement (and aaron says that it took andrew 5 months to make the accident happen; that's a thing to remember because nora had left it very vague in the extra content). rooftop date to flirt a bit. neil comes back down and aaron attacks him because of katelyn. "Cool it," Ricky warned them. WHO THE FUCK IS RICKY. his whole point in the story is to tell them to chill. who's this unsung hero. renee tells neil that she tried taking him from andrew, and andrew refused (extra content: til death do us part)

Sunday, January 14: more retaliation, campus is defaced. tetsuji is forced to release a statement over it, which was creepily supportive until he ended with the equivalent to "yo the retaliation happened too late, you need to punish them right when they fuck up, not later or you won't train them" fuck this asshole in particular

Monday, January 15: no disasters. at practice kevin is having a breakdown because everyone is distracted, neil pisses him off even more and then runs away leaving it to dan and matt to calm kevin down. neil jogs with andrew and renee, he hears them talk about exy and then what would cause WWIII

Tuesday, January 16: things are going slightly better, and neil runs again with renee and andrew. zombie AU talk. jean messages and then calls renee.

Wednesday, January 17: neil offers andrew to buy the car with him. "make a new deal with me." "what would you take for it?" "what would you give me?" "don't ask questions you already know the answer to." the new deal is making andrew stop taking cracker dust

Friday, January 19: nathaniel turns 19 yo. the blood bomb in the locker, then the "happy 19th birthday, jr" on the far wall.

HOME GAME vs Belmonte: neil is pissed off and gets a yellow card before the half time break, and then the foxes play second half like they have everything to lose. neil uses the passing and shooting skills kevin taught him + some footwork he got from the ravens in december, the others are going strong too. too strong; with eight minutes on the clock the foxes started to slow down, though they have a two-point lead. neil and kevin are up to fresh backliners, but two minutes later a striker gets around matt and races for the goal, andrew gets out of his box and checks him hard. when the ball gets back on neil's side, he scores. foxes win eight-five.

aaron guesses that neil is running away from someone (uuuuuuhhhhh no shit), twinyards+neil kerfuffle ensues, andrew confesses murder right then and there, much to wymack's joy. neil tells more truths to the team. wymack decides to install cameras. they think riko is to blame for this stunt. neil receives a "49" on his phone

Saturday, January 20: neil sees the photo of andrew and him at the airport, "staring each other down barely a breath apart." neil breaks my heart apart by deciding not to tear the picture down because it will be something the foxes will have to remember him after he's dead. neil and wymack go through potential new players for the next year, and he tells neil that he'll be making him vice-captain next year. "don't you notice? they're uniting around and behind you. that's something special. you're something special." neil goes out distressed, calls andrew and andrew goes back to pick him up. car shopping time. once back neil goes to the rooftop, andrew follows him and gives him the second key of the new car. "you gave me a key and called it home." "don't look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine." THEY KISS "TELL ME NO" "I WON'T BE LIKE THEM I WON'T LET YOU LET ME BE." "THE NEXT TIME ONE OF THEM SAYS YOU'RE SOULLESS I MIGHT HAVE TO FIGHT THEM." "Hey," he said, but Andrew didn't look at him. "Thank you."

Sunday, January 21: "48" "47" (given Neil fucked up sleep schedule, he gets two messages in his waking times) it is revealed that the very short call andrew got in the car and to which he responded simply with "don't" was renee asking him if they should throw neil a bday party

Monday, January 22: "46". the foxes fangirl over andrew's new car. also "his thoughts kept derailing without warning. whenever andrew crossed the room, neil's gaze followed."

Wednesday, January 24: kengo collapses and gets admitted into hospital. Neil gets his new gear on Thursday

Friday, January 26:

AWAY GAME vs SUA: very talkative team, put up a fight but weren't awful about it. by half time the results from the other night's match are in: UT has slaughtered Belmonte. this motivates the foxes and they dominates the second half. they win by a comfortable margin.

"42"

Tuesday, January 30: kengo is released from the hospital

Wednesday, January 31: andrew and aaron go to bee together *sobs*

Friday, February 2: ERC gives out the matches for the month. andrew and aaron are pouty with each other so they don't move to columbia. aaron is off with katelyn, and nicky invites neil to their room. nicky confesses that he doesn't have the key to andrew's new car, neil is shook. "35" neil and nicky go buy ice cream for everyone. once back, kevin is still watching exy streams, and nicky goes to matt's to get a decent DVD, leaving neil and andrew alone in the room. "neil locked the door behind him" YOU GO WITH INTENT MY DUDE iconic lines follow like "I'm open to drawing a map on you if you want to loan me a marker. that's not a bad idea." "everything about you is a bad idea." "andrew's expression didn't change but there was a subtle shift in his body's tension that told neil he'd gotten andrew's attention" (yes I know what kind of tension andrew is having *wink wink nudge nudge*) ALSO "thinking that andrew needed space and time to regroup the same way neil did almost wrecked neil's attempts to get his neutral facade back together." SAME FUCKING SAME JESUS

Wednesday, February 7: everyone is panicking for the incoming match and renee is sad because her conversation with jean isn't going well. neil then tries to be practical and says to kevin that they should have brought andrew so they could train on a guarded goal but kevin goes philosophical instead "your target is not the goalkeeper: it is the goal itself." feel the ball be the ball neil

Thursday, February 8: he legit asks renee and andrew about kevin's philosophical stance I'm crying. renee is supportive and kind, andrew straight out goes for the throat and says to neil to stop copying kevin.

Friday, February 9:

HOME GAME vs the Catamounts: 45 minutes into the game the score is 6-3 foxes favour. the team is shook because the sportscasters are saying nice things about them. second half starts hard with catamounts trying to close the gap, but 20 minutes later the score is still the same. tempers are flaring and a fight is going to snap somewhere; unsurprisingly, it will be started by andrew when he calls for nicky because something needs to be done since neil and kevin can't get past the backliners. nicky will knock his marker off his feet, and he'll come back for nicky. andrew will be faster and push him away. the marker won't try to go at andrew because matt and his mark will intervene. nicky is red carded. aaron substitutes for him, and there's a penalty shot. andrew will of course stop it and rebound it where neil can get it; he will make a goal but still crash on the wall behind because he was running too fast. neil and andrew flirts shamelessly on court. kevin will score 10 minutes later, andrew rebounds balls off the catamounts' strikers' helmets just to be a shit (can't believe it's canon). foxes win on 8-3.

"renee snagged Kevin for a quick hug" cAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED EITHER. follows domestic party at abby's. neil goes for andrew who's on the hood of the car. "would it kill you to let something in?" "It almost did the last time" "28"

Thursday, February 15: neil gets a microphone again, which means that he shits on the ravens once again, saying that they'll beat them this time for sure, and that Coach Moriyama should resign. andrew is clearly getting off on neil dragging them through the dirt, because he goes to him while everyone is out and kevin is too drunk, and it's handjob time + finding out that andrew's neck is very sensitive!

Friday, February 16: game night with nicky and then he sleeps over <3

Saturday, February 17: kengo is hospitalized again. andrew decides to sleep in front of neil because why the fuck not, neil asks him to break their first agreement. also "andrew was still curled up in the other chair, but the noise had woken him as well. he met neil's bleary-eyed stare a moment before going back to sleep." I'm weak. -- the next week is described as neil training and rooftop makeouts

Thursday, February 22: upperclassmen are going out of town for the weekend, and neil asks andrew about his plans for the future, then shares about his past and running through 22 cities in 16 countries. andrew says that he went through 12 houses before cass, all in california. neil invites him to go someplace at spring break. "this isn't worthless." "there is no this. this is nothing." "and I am nothing. [...] and as you've always said, you want nothing."

Friday, February 23:

HOME GAME vs Nevada: it ends in a six-up tie, and draws are settled by shootouts. foxes will win by one point.

Thursday, March 1: foxes watch the game that will decide which one of the Big Three will be eliminated. everyone is in awe at how awesome the teams are, kevin is being a downer and neil smacks the back of his head. "if you hit me again," Kevin started. Andrew cut in with a casual, "you'll what?" <3 trojans win.

Friday, March 9: neil and andrew share confidences on the bus, andrew agrees to break the promise. andrew slips up and indirectly agrees that they have something by telling neil that wymack "he sees what is, not what people want him to see." "0"

AWAY GAME vs the Bearcats: at half-time the foxes are 2 points behind, and neil is treading the line to a red card. neil asks andrew to shut down the goal, andrew says "not for free" neil says "anything." andrew will deliver, defending the goal as if his life depended on it, and for the first time ever started talking to the defense line (matt is delighted). the foxes manage to close the gap and right at the last minute Kevin scores, giving them the lead. bearcats don't take it well and start a fight.

neil gets a call from lola, who informs him that nathan is in baltimore and then kindly invites him for a family reunion. "thank you, you were amazing." I refuse to sum up in detail, so: they get to nathan, torture ensues, then uncle Stuart comes to save the day and our protagonist. (but "They only let us come here unchallenged because we promised we would take him alive." "the moriyamas?" "no. [...] we are giving you to the FBI as a distraction." who is this third player in game that controls baltimore and can get in the middle of this mess??? the hatfords??? also "we cannot yet take you where we need to go. [...] we will come back for you when we can. I promise." listen this was the perfect set up for a 4th book I'm so mad.) neil gets taken by the FBI

Saturday, March 10: neil and assholes from the FBI go back and forth until it is agreed that neil can see his teammates. andrew bulldozes in the room, iconic lines ensue "if you can't stow that attitude and behave--" "you'll what, asshole?" "Get away from us" the team insist to have neil back, and andrew goes with him for the final interrogation.

Sunday, March 11: the interrogation goes on. neil becomes Neil officially under the law. they go back to the hotel where the foxes and wymack+abby are. abby checks neil's injuries. they decide to leave baltimore immediately, then this iconic line: "coach made us promise to leave you alone, but are you okay?" "no, but I think I will be" CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. they get all close and tight on the bus, go back to fox tower, andrew is silently taking care of neil and I'm dying, neil tells the team the rest of his story. they discuss press problems, and neil suggests in french to kevin that wymack being his dad would be a bigger scoop. then they make an adorable pajama party and I ascend to heaven.

Monday, March 12: neil says to kevin that it would be nice if he got rid of his tattoo as well, but kevin doesn't take it well. also, neil refuses to exclude matt using other languages and makes kevin switch back from french to english. then SHOWER SCENE. iconic scene where they all invent excuses for neil's wounds to the waitress. iconic moment when mat asks "did you have any plans to do anything? Besides the obvious, I mean." iconic moment when kevin tries to say no to neil's holiday plan and andrew threatens to kill him. iconic moment with wymack. "You saved my life. three times." leave me here to cry. kevin tells wymack that they're kinda blood related. just kinda. also "she taught coach exy." '"and what, he didn't notice that he knocked her up?" aaron asked'. lmao aaron. cabin holiday with the team, neil drinks and nicky loses his shit over it. aaron calls neil on the side and very kindly and gently and with the tact he's famous for, checks that neil really cares for andrew and is not just taking advantage of him/won't hurt him. andreil shares a room.

Tuesday, March 13: kengo is dead, renee takes jean from the nest.

Wednesday, March 14: neil convinces kevin to talk jean out of going back to the ravens. neil explains to the higher-ups his situation and they debate whether to keep him in the exy world. wymack convinces them, and then warns that kevin day is his son.

Monday, March 26: ichirou pops up and makes the deal with neil. also neil drags riko and basically tells him to get rid of him before he does something damaging to ichirou. he then goes to kevin and jean to tell them that he kinda made the agreement for them too. neil asks andrew to choose them and the life neil is about to start, andrew gives him matching arm-bands. kevin demands to be taken to court and then snaps, andrew intervenes, they have a kerfuffle on court.

Wednesday, March 28: press comes for interviews. neil confirms that he will be out for friday's game, but will be back on court for the semifinals.

Thursday, March 29: andrew confronts katelyn, and shares details of his past with neil, and the heartbreaking reason why neil is acceptable for him.

Friday, March 30:

HOME GAME vs Bearcats: Kevin plays right-handed. game is vicious and yellow cards are popping up everywhere, the bearcats are trying to eliminate players. but the foxes don't retaliate, and 2 bearcats players go out red carded. game ends with 7-5 fox win.

aaron and katelyn kiss in public. kevin drops the line of the century "Did you know I've never been skiing? I'd like to try it one day, though." wymack's reaction is also incredible "Great, he's turning into another you. That's just what I needed." party after the match with the vixens, aaron reveals that andrew has chosen to keep neil over sending katelyn away, also he's trading rooms with neil the next day. andrew puts neil's hand on his chest, making my heart (and neil's, probably) explode.

Saturday, March 31: thea shows up to confront kevin on what a shitty boyfriend he's been, and kevin calmly explains to her that life&death situations + trauma sometimes changes your priorities, go figure.

Friday, April 6:

AWAY GAME vs Trojans: before the match, kevin asks jeremy if he wants to take jean, and then reveals that they're going to play foxes style, with only 9 people instead of 28, thus giving up the game since they aren't used to play a full match. first half will have the trojans dragging them, but they don't know how to pace themselves, and in the second half foxes will close the gap. foxes will win 13-9.

laila&alvarez show up <3 jeremy then tells the press that jean won't be back in black <33 [[[book says that jeremy had talked to jean earlier in the week, but it's still friday. I guess he's making it up for the press]]] the group goes to eden's, but first andrew announces that they are stopping with crackerdust. nicky guesses that roland and andrew used to hooked up and is OffendedTM that he didn’t know. they will get a week off before the finals.

Monday, April 9: wymack tells them that the final game will be played at castle evermore, and that they'll have to fill seats with parents and friends, 2 reserved seats for each fox. but they can't fill all the seats, dan will reserve the remaining ones for her stage sisters. at the practice night, nicky and aaron will show up too. wednesday the rest of the upperclassmen will tag along as well. kevin is keeping a secret that he can play with both hands. in the meantime andreil can't get a proper alone time, but nicky drags kevin out every time he can, and spends himself as little time in their room as possible. andrew only occasionally lets this happen.

Wednesday, April 18: aaron and andrew cancel with betsy to train.

Thursday, April 19: kevin doesn't go to night's practice because he has "something to take care of" and left neil in charge. neil didn't like to tell others what to do, but at the end dan says "nicely done, captain." kevin comes back drunk as hell, and with a new tattoo on his face. iconic line time "I'm going to be the deadliest piece on the board". andrew smiles for the first time since he got sober. andreil decides that kevin's stunt is a good jerk off material so they go to bed at like dawn.

Friday, April 20: people don't take kevin's new tattoo well, but a few in between shout "queen". erik shows up, then 4 of dan's sisters, renee's mother, matt's parents, + matt's dad gf (book says mistress, but I don't know if it's an illicit thing turned official in the family or what), then bee. kevin can't stop won't be stopped from spilling iconic gems "and my father comes to all of my games. that is enough." but someone has come for neil too, and he goes to meet with stuart, who tells him that ichirou is cutting off anyone that's a liability, and that neil can't be protected anymore. wymack gives the speech of a lifetime "fight because you don't know how to die quietly. win because you don't know how to lose."

AWAY GAME vs Ravens: the game gets violent fast, and the foxes' defence can't hold up against the ravens. at half time, they're 7-3 ravens favour. turns out that andrew and wymack made renee goalie in the first half even though she didn't want to be there at all, because "andrew said he could control the score if she showed him how they played." second half starts, and kevin switches hand. he will score twice in the first 8 minutes. at 16 minutes, the score is 8-6, and the ravens finally lost their temper. one of the ravens will jump on kevin at his third goal, and it will take 6 referees to break up the fight, and he'll get red carded. kevin will score on the foul shot. they'll focus on the backliners and goalie instead. one will intentionally crush andrew against the wall. neil is ready to punch the life out of him, but matt will stop him. that raven will get red carded, but tetsuji is using that to sub them. andrew will remember neil that he's the fastest player on court, and then change the formation to: dan playing striker for neil, and neil going back to backliner in matt's place, since he's limping. "trust me. I can keep him away from andrew while you rest." (backliner!neil gives me a lot of feelings tbh.) neil is marking riko to hell and back, and minutes go by without a clear shot on goal. neil will pop his shoulder but boy doesn't care. score is 8-8. andrew won't stop a goal, and allison+aaron are substituted for nicky+matt. kevin will score on a rebound, and they're 9-9 at the last 5 minutes of game. neil is completely out of energy and when the buzzer goes off at the last minute, neil falls to his knees. the buzzer goes off again, this time for kevin's goal at the last 2 seconds of the game. 10-9 foxes win.

neil should be dead but somehow has enough oxygen to drag riko again, and riko takes a shot at his head. andrew runs up to them and breaks riko's arm. the celebration and passing of the trophy is postponed to the next morning. riko is brought away in an ambulance. hours go by and they're still there, until a guard calls for neil. he's brought in front of tetsuji, riko, stuart, and ichirou (plus another 1 or 2 faceless dudes). ichirou kills riko, and then makes it pass as suicide by putting the gun in his hand. neil goes back to the locker room smiling, and with wymack threatening to leave them there if they don't get to the bus in 2 minutes, and andrew for the first time not denying that he and neil definitely have something going on, TKM ends.

the book goes for 357 pages, covering 4 months, and more or less 45-47 specific days.

#the foxhole court #tfc timeline #long post #suicide tw #abuse tw #blood tw #violence tw

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