#and acually write this damn thing

[caotictimmy]

🍏- ANON? MAYBE??? it's so late for me but reading your nsfw on Daisuke...UAAAGHHH SAAGHHH 🗣️ he's such a vocal man and the whole morning sex thing where he can't get into you quick enough .helpop helppp meeeee helpppp

(maybe this is a request? Maybe I'm just yapping lowkey??? But if you want to write on this, by all means go for it LMAO)

Giggling over Swansea being mortified while walking in on reader x daisuke getting it on, I imagine they don't notice him and Daisuke is getting all needy trying to keep his pace 🤞 That boy has never felt the touch of person romantically so I could onllllyyyy assume that he'd been sensitive his first time. Or like. Every time with reader- especially if they're still on the ship. He's trying to not make too much noise as everyone is asleep ☹️ his whiney ass is NOT making it through that night. Bonus if reader is nonchalant about it the next day at lunch. They're talking with someone about their poor love lives (finding people to stay with how long their jobs shipments are)- reader dropping shit like 'aw man yeah. if only there was someone to really understand me, y'know?'. As if Daisuke wasn't memorizing their insides and how they physically react to him with his body just last night 😭

HELP 🍏 ANON THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I ALMOST FELL OFF MY BED. But this is Acually so smart. I always believe Daisuke gets lost in the sauce when you guys have sex. For the headcanon I was thinking they were known dating. But for this let’s pretend the crew doesn’t know Daisuke and reader are dating. The first kind middle part will be NSFW. But the rest should be NSFW. This will be done as a one shot. (I’ll also include your little bonus! Plus a little more:3)

What was that god damn noise..? Swansea thought. Irradiated as he heard a squeaking sound, an indescribable muffled sound coming along with it. For fucks sake he just wanted to get some rest! But those loud noises would not let the poor man drift to sleep. He was gonna put a stop to that noise. Once and for all.

Swansea swings his legs over the side of his bed, sitting up. Stretching his arms as he gets ready to investigate what the noise is, and where it’s coming from. He stands up, his back making a loud crack.( I love old man Swansea). He slips his slippers on. Grabbing and putting on his robe by the door. Slowly pushing the door open. Before silently shutting the door. The noise got louder. Even though the walls were paper thin. It still muffled some of the noise.

He tread carefully through the halls. Getting closer to the noise. Swansea could hear talking maybe? The squeaking of something getting louder the more he approaches. Wait. He’s getting closer to Daisuke’s room..? What the hell was that kid doing. He could hear a faint panting? He started walking a bit faster.

Daisuke’s door was cracked open. God was the kid hurt-. Oh… Oh dear god.. For the love of pony express why did he have to be the one to catch this scene. He could now clearly see what was happening now. God why him..? (Warning for what’s ahead will be NSFW)

“Nyyhhh… F-fuck you feel so good. G-god so good. Am I doing good? Mhm!.. a-am I doing good for you. Wanna make sure your feeling as ..ahh ~… as good as I am.” Daisuke whimpered out. His arms wrapped around your waist as he continues going his rough pace.

“Yes! O-oh fuck hah… doing so good for me!”, Your voice muffled as you were face first in your pillow. Daisuke’s body pressing against your back. Like he was trying to mold his body with you. A loud ‘plap’ sound being able to be heard.

Swansea felt his face contort in horror. He could feel his stomach twist in disgust. He definitely walked in on something he definitely shouldn’t have. So what did he do. He went back to his room. Staring at the ceiling with that petrified face still stuck on his face. To say he wasn’t able to sleep that night would be an understatement

-

“I feel like it’s impossible to date anyone with this crappy job.” Anya huffed in a frustrated tone. “I second to that.”, Curly sighed as he ate his crappy lunch.” Our shipments at a Minimum are 5 months! And it’s like we get a month or two back on earth, before they send us back to ship something!” Anya finished. The annoyed look on her face quite prominent.

“I get you Anya. I want to Acually spend time with someone and let them get to know me. But you can’t really do that on this floating rock.”, You said nonchalantly. You sure were letting Daisuke get to know you. All of you… Swansea thought. Trying not to gag at the imagie of what he witnessed last night.

You could feel Daisuke’s eyes turn to you. Lingering a bit longer than ‘just friends’. “Yeah man, it’s such a bummer!” Daisuke said. A light blush spread across his face as he said it. No one else except Swansea noticed.

“Say uh..” Anya started, looking up at you. “I saw you walking in here with a limp, you good?” She asked,her voice laced with concern. God why did you have to ask that Anya! Swansea cringed at her question. “Oh yea no I’m good! Just hit my leg on the wall while sleeping y’know.” You said. Hmh.. I’m sure you were doing some sort of sleeping. Swansea hurrying to finish his food. Quickly getting up to put his plate in the sink and immediately start work. He really just wants to take his mind off this..

-

“Swan-sea!” Daisuke said, dragging the two parts of Swansea’s name out. Swansea ignored Daisuke, continuing to work on the broken vent. “Dude did I do something wrong?” Swansea sighed. Since Daisuke wanted the truth he’ll get it.”For fucks sake Daisuke! Can you have them stop fucking like rabbits! I know you young people have your urges, but this has been going on for the past week. And it’s Saturday for crying out loud!” Swansea yelled.

“AND IF YOU FREAKS ARE GONNA KEEP GOING AT IT. AT LEAST KEEP THE DOOR SHUT AND BE QUIET. SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP.” Swansea finished, catching his breath. Daisuke just stood there stunned.

“You.. you heard us..?” Daisuke asked, his mouth agape and his eyes shot wide. “I didn’t just hear you guys. Saw it to! Close the damn door next time!” Swansea said irritated. Daisuke continued to stand there embarrassed. “Swansea uh.. I-I’m so sorry I didn’t realize.” Daisuke stuttered out. Still shocked about the revelation.

“Yeah you better be fucking sorry” Swansea muttered. Turning around before pausing. Sighing a bit. “At lest your getting some action in this hell hole. Reminds me of me and my wife.” He said. Before holding his fist out. “I’m only gonna do this once Daisuke.” Swansea said. Daisuke happily returned the fist bump.

“Now get the hell out of my sight for the rest of the day!” Swansea yelled. “Alright swan-sea!” Daisuke said, doing the same long period name thing. Swansea let out an annoyed sigh. At least the kid was happy…

[neristudy]

◦ Lets study some damn German ◦

A collection of my main online resources that have been found and sorted by me for my personal use. Feel free to steal it for yourself, though.

To fully learn a language, you need to know and comprehend:

⊳ Reading;

⊳ Writing;

⊳ Listening;

⊳ Speaking.

But since I have ADHD, I add one more thing: learning through games. This will include literal computer games from German developers with German voiceovers, or just gamification of learning like Duolingo.

Because why the hell not?

°°••....••°° 〘Chapter one: Reading〙 °°••....••°°

➤ LingQ

There aren't as many non-political articles as I'd like (and certainly not enough articles on cooking!), but poor people can't be choosers.

➤ German.net

The site has a pretty decent library of resources not only for reading, but I put it in this category because of the presence of texts with comprehension tests at the end. It's a very nice way to see if you really understood what was written there or not.

➤  ... probably, some german book? Is there a comunity of german writers on AO3....

°°••....••°° 〘Chapter two: Writing〙 °°••....••°°

They all more or less focus on grammar, so I don't see the need to describe each one separately. However, pay attention to the last 3 links - those are  resources with avaliable Ukrainian language.

➤ Learn German online

➤ German with Laura

➤ Deutschbuch.com

➤ FluentU

➤ Easy-Deutch.com

➤ Lingvvozone

The only one that deserves further explanation, for this site is essentially a very thicc online dictionary. Very useful.

❥ Грамматика з нуля ❥ Golernen Akademia ❥ Deutsche Welle

°°••....••°° 〘Chapter three: Listening〙 °°••....••°°

Beware: mostly Youtube, so get your adblock up maties.

➤  Learn Languages With Isa

Cute short german stories.

➤  Easy German

The man, the myth, the legend.

➤ Learn German with Herr Antrim

He’s got whole courses and deserves a watch at least bc of his shiny personality!

➤  Learn German With Falk  

Great, slow podcast with managable pasing.

➤ Listen to German music, playlists are:

    - here

    - and here

    - and also here!

°°••••°° 〘Chapter three: Speaking 〙 °°••••°°

➤ Sing along german songs (even better if you have studied a song before and know what it is about);

➤ Start a voice diary: daily send yourself (on Telegram or wherever it is convenient and / or easy for you) a voice message in which you tried to talk about something (or on a specific topic) for x minutes.

➤ The most scary and/or hard one: get yourself a buddy who learn or already native to German language. Can also write to me, and we can study together!

°°••....••°° 〘Chapter four: Games〙 °°••....••°°

➤ Piranha Bytes & friends

For now the greatest sourse of my active german playing is games from Piranha Bytes & friends, ya can fing their bundle here on steam. Just scroll down a bit.

➤ Duolingo

The infamous legend. Acually quite helpful to study in casheer line, or on a 15-mins break. Not much helpful in other stuff.

For now it is basically all I have. Would add more later!

[briefpeachdinosaur]

( I have been WAITING to yapp about this)

Yes, they were sooo close he even named one of her Kids which is so cute and there is btw a Museum in germany, berlin about mori.

And in a family picture of yosano and her family he was also there with yosano, her Kids and her husband. (If I remember correctly)

He also studied in germany and was a Kind man. (Unlike his bsd character...)

And also Tanizaki was WILD

This man tried to rizz up his DAUGHTER IN LAW and also had like a Sex game (I acually can't) with his wife and SISTER IN LAW and his sister in law (his wife sis) was the actress for Naomi and chuuya fell in love with her and wrote a poem for her.

He (chuuya) called her his ideal women. So technically Naomi is chuuyas ideal women in bsd bruh what... and Speaking of Ideals:

Kunikida from bsd and Irl are definetly quit similar:

Sasaki from bsd was his first wife and he was maddly in love with her but they divorced only after a few months of marrige.

Sasakis parents disliked kunikida so much and they didn't want her to get married to him and her mother even said that she'd be happier if sasaki commited Sui*ide then marry him (I would never recover from that if I was him)

Sasaki was also pregnant with his child and he was absolut heart broken that he couldn't be with her anymore but also that he would never be abel to see his child grow up. In his storys after she left him he often wrote about a man losing his child and in a mix of grief and sadness try take care of another child as if it was his own but fail to do so.

And even Rokuzou from bsd was a real person too (the guy Sasaki killed in bsd). Irl he was a relative from kunikida's landlord and kunikida teached him, Rokuzou was disabled irl. Kunikida even created a fictional Version of him and in that story were he is in he died. (Damn he died in kunikida's work and in asagiris work too)

And that Kunikida was a teacher is also true he used to teach math but also german and english at Tsuruya Gakuen.

He even opend his own school to teach Kids who didn't had the money to afford going to school, but had to close it after some time because he ran broke (bro was bathman thats acually such a beautiful thing to do)

Irl kuni was also a wingman.

He and katai were best friends they even lived togehter at some point but like in bsd katai was shy and a big introvert and had problems talking to women (he was afraid to talk to them) so kunikida helped him with this girl katai liked and katai ended up getting married to that girl kuni helped him with. But kunikida was also very popular with the ladies which can be a shocker because in bsd he is super awkward with Sasaki but irl women couldn't stop falling for him.

Kunikida also married again and he and his second wife had 5 children btw.

Irl Atsushi had 3 children with his wife and also had lung Problems.

Dazais brother disliked dazais writings and storys but liked Tanizakis work.

(Btw idk if that happend in one night⬇️)

Chuuya was once drinking with Ango and a few other guys and he (chuuya) liked this waitress but she liked Ango so he (chuuya) yelled at Ango for like 5 Minutes bc of that. (Valid reasons honestly)

He (chuuya) also called ango a damn governor but then sat down again muttering some stuff bc he wouldn't win in a fight against him (Ango) so he sat down (chuuya)💀

But both were also drunk when that happend.

Another time these 2 almost had a physical fight (but both were super drunk) so ango was like trying to stand on his feet and not fall flat on the floor bc he was so drunk and chuuya was punching air 🧚‍♀️ and never hitting ango cuz he was also so drunk. This also went on for a few Minutes. But both calmed down.

And once when chuuya was out drinking with his friends he smashed a bottle on Nakamura Mitsou's head and said: Imma kill you!!!

When his friend scolded him for acting like a maniac he cried and shouted : I'M SAD!!!"

He also harassed dazai alot... once when the blue flower Club (i love that name) went drinking he (chuuya) got drunk and was talking to dazai and dazai was replying with an "hm" mostly. He didn't wanted to say something that could upset chuuya because chuuya was 2 years older then dazai and dazai even admired chuuyas work plus respected chuuya.

But chuuya started to say: " why the hell does your face look like a flying blue mackerel? What is your favorite flower anyway?"

With a trembleling voice he (dazai) said : peach blossom

Chuuya: tch, thats why you suck (😭🤣)

Once he was drunk and broke in dazais HOUSE (idk how he maneged to do that) and insluted him by calling him a moron and according to dazais wife he (dazai) went to the bedroom and put the blankets over him and started to cry (damn)

Its funny cuz in bsd chuuya is only angry when dazai is around and irl chuuya looks like a calm person but the Anger issues from the mad Poet (chuuya) can be explained: his parents used to abuse him but they did it to Disziplin him to make him a proper Gentleman (they used to Isolate him, burn his feet with cigarrets and let him sleep outside in the cold which is a very terrible thing to do to a child and when chuuya was 5 he lost his younger brother)

But he (chuuya) was really good with Kids and spoiled them alot, but once when he was 17 he had a girlfriend but she cheated on him and he was angry at that but she got pregnant so he had to act like the father for the child and treated the child really good. But then she married a Business man and he never had a chance with the child again.

He also had 2 children with his wife but both died, his first son died and he never recoverd from that and even after his second son was born he was still in grief but he died a few months before his sec child died.

His poor wife, she lost everything.

🧚‍♀️

This is so long but I have been waiting to yap about this for so long!!!!

@viiper1 @2econd2ight2aver

Imagine if the real bsd authors looked at what the Fandom is saying abt them. "Fem Nikolai has big boobs", if Gogol saw that he would have a stroke. Chuuya would be mad about people making fun if his height, because he actually was really short. Idk if Dazai would be ecstatic or even more suicidal after seeing that. Fyodor would definitely write a book anylising his character's philosophy and motivations. DONT GET ME STARTED ON SOUKOKU

[sapphos-gal-pal]

Still researching Cold War espionage for my SAF fic. Today, I found out that some undercover agents made invisible ink using their own blood.

That’s so weird and so metal, and I can’t even put it in my fic, because how do you casually drop that information into a work of fiction? No One Would Believe That It Works.

[firesign23]

1 and 26 plees

1: what inspires you?

I think that I answered this yesterday and said “Spite and salt”, which is definitely true. What gets me moving from an idea (which is the spite and salt, and also other sources of inspiration) in actually writing something, however, is some line that comes from the fic arriving in my head. I used a paleontologt metaphor the other day that I think still holds true--I might enter the Salty Spitelands and see something in the ground that says Dig Here, but it’s not until I (near accidentally) uncover that first bit of fossil that I know there’s a story and can sit down and excavate.

26: anything you’re planning to write in your fic that you’re worried readers might like?

Well, two little side tangents before I answer, but (1) I presume this is ‘might not like’, and (2) honestly, I don’t know how I’d know for certain. I’ve mentioned this to a few people over the years, but I just… don’t get comments when people are disappointed? I acually find it really interesting, because pretty much every author I know gets them from time to time–not necessarily rude comments, but ones that push back or question the story. (I’ve had it twice in 18 years of writing fanfic, despite soliciting feedback at time of posting because I love talking writing, and one of those was a friend reading a fic despite knowing there was a personal squick and she brought it on herself.) It’s one of those weird things that actually gives me insecurities–do I give off Superbitch vibes that makes people unlikely to talk to me? Am I so middle of the road I solicit no strong emotions? WHY WON’T PEOPLE ADMIT THEY ARE DISAPPOINTED IN ME??? 😂😂😂 (I think it is utterly impossible to please all people at all times, so there must be disappointments.)

NOW, to actually answer the question–the chapter of yonder I’m writing right now might not be everyone’s cup of tea, though I think it’s becoming a more palatable version of what I’d intended to write as I write it. In theory, it’s going to address the whole Sansa conflict, and in ways that point out that she’s not reacting great but surprise! she was handling it relatively well until people started lying and keeping her out of the conversations and maybe everyone is a little to blame for their current situation.  There is at least a 53% chance that this ends up with Sansa crying, because she’s a traumatised young woman who is heaped with the responsibility of running the still-rebuilding-after-war North and has just had the only two people she trusted implicitly lie to her fucking face for several months, and Brienne sitting there going “Shit, shit, not-my-daughter-BUT is crying, WTF do I do?” Should be easy to write. (I’m more worried that I won’t be happy with it, because right now Jaime’s the lynchpin in unravelling this, and it makes sense for narrative reasons but damn I really wanted this to not be about Jaime so much.)

I also suspect some people won’t be happy with the table sex, because that’s a pretty hard verve from needy bottom Jaime that’s coloured all the smut before now, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯The leaning that way was as much about his emotional state as strict sexual preferences and that’s evolving. Plus, you know, Brienne getting absolutely fucking wrecked on a table. Anybody who has talked to me for more than five minutes should be aware I’m pathologically incapable of not writing a couple that bring shifting power dynamics into the bedroom.

an ask meme for fic writers ♥  

[lumpy-veev]

Here’s a fanfic requested by @terrariheart!

Diary Entries

Kalo bounced up and down in his seat. He went on an adventure with a real hero today!

A real one!

With a cool mask and superpowers!

“He was so awesome!” he squealed.

“Is that so?” His dad laughed, most of his focus on piloting the starship.

“Yeah!” Kalo nodded furiously. “I watched him fight a villan! Like, they tried to kick him like BOOM, but he then he blocked it like BAM, and then he, like, dissapeared, but then he popped up behind him! Like a ninja!”

“Wow, that does sound cool,” his dad answered.

“I’m gonna be just like him when I grow up!” Kalo exclaimed, deciding right then and there that the only path for him in life was being a hero. He wouldn’t settle for anything else.

“Y'know, I actually have a suprise for you,” his dad chuckled.

“Really?!” Kalo’s eyes lit up.

“Check the compartment under your seat.”

Kalo did as he was told, and pulled out a small, shiny blue notebook with a pretty geometric design sprawling across the cover. A pencil was tucked into the spine.

“I know it isn’t much, but I thought you might like it. You can write exciting things down in the book so you never forget.” His dad smiled.

“Woooaaah,” Kalo admired the way that light glinted off of the cover. “I really, really like it, dad! I’m gonna write in it right now!”

Meeting a real-life superhero was definitely exciting, it had to be the first to go in his book.

So, Kalo began to write.

He would come to use this book a lot in the future. —————————————— Dear Diary,

I met a hero today! A real life, super cool hero! He had a black costume, and a black mask, and a white helmet. He was super-duper nice! He even let me go on an adventure with him! I watched him fight a bad guy. Arcas is gonna be SO jealous when I tell him!

(Below is a messy doodle of what appears to be the aformentioned hero and Kalo holding hands)

P.S. First thing I wrote in my new book!!!! —————————————— Dear Diary,

I met a new friend today! Me and Arcas was playing out in the big field, and there was a new girl! She is pink and her name is Cherie. She is 6 like me! She is really cool.

(Below is a messy doodle of what appears to be Cherie, Arcas, and Kalo playing together) ————————————————– (The writing below is smudged and barely legible)

Dear Diary,

I tried to save her. I really tried. I got the remote. I got the remote, so why did she die? Why did she die? The monster said she wouldn’t die. She wasn’t supposed to die. It was my fault, right? I wasn’t fast enough. I wasn’t fast enough and she died. I wasn’t fast enough. I wasn’t fast enough. I wasn’t fast enough I wasn’t fast enough I wasn’t fast enough I wasn’t fast enough

(The writing deteriorates into scribbles, and tearstains riddle the surface of the paper) —————————————– (Handwriting in this entry has significantly improved)

Uh, Dear Diary, I guess,

Geez, I haven’t written in this thing for a long time, ever since…that. Well, 15 years have passed, and I found this thing in a box in my closet when I was cleaning up. Well, I guess I’m gonna be getting back to filling this in again.

Looking back at my earlier “entries,” I guess it’s tradition to leave a doodle.

Sooo

(Below is a cleaner, but still very messy doodle of Kalo sticking out his tongue and holding up the peace sign) ————————————— Dear Diary,

I STILL don’t believe it, but me and Arcas actually got into the army. Apparently, I ranked high enough on the entrance exam to be part of the National Guard! Arcas got scored lower though, so he’s a part of the Adelian troops, which, to be honest, is still pretty great.

Anyways, the only thing that bothers me is that when I went to go report to the Admiral of the Fleet, he struck me as…kinda off. His name is Caesar, and he’s a purple guy. He never once took off his visor while we were talking, and he just had this look in his eye, like he was sizing me up. Maybe it’s just me.

P.S. No doodle today. I’m tired. I’m pretty sure my arms are gonna fall off. ———————————————- (The handwriting below is slightly wobbly)

Dear Diary,

I’m still shaky from what happened.

Okay, so apparently Planet Adeli gets attacked way more than I thought. First week in and there’s already a ScarBlade raid on the west side of the city. I swear to sweet Adelia there were seven different instances where I thought I was going to die. I don’t know how, but the worst injury I have is a cut on my right shoulder. I could have literally lost my head if I was a second slower.

What I don’t get is that the ScarBlade troops attacked a resource convoy to the army that only the higher-ups know about, and I really hope it’s a coincidence, but for some reason, Caesar never showed up at the fight.

(Below is a doodle of Kalo running from what seems to be a ScarBlade Soldier) —————————————— Dear Diary,

It’s true, I saw it. Caesar is acually a traitor. He’s the reason ScarBlade attacks are so frequent. He’s the reason why the ScarBlade troops always know where to hit. I can’t believe it. I was coming in early for my morning report, and lo and behold! There he was! The General, the Adelia-damned GENERAL OF THE SCARBLADES, was right there in his office! I don’t think they saw me, or knew that the door wasn’t completely closed. I KNEW there was something wrong with him!

I don’t think they notice me liatening in around the corner. —————————————— Dear Diary,

A lot happened today.

I don’t know how the hell I’m still alive with all my limbs still attached.

There was an attack on the Main Plaza, which would be fine, if it weren’t for the fact that the Monthly Debate was also today. It wasn’t even a regular Monthly Debate. The Governor himself wanted watch it.

I bet Caesar was the one who tipped off the enemy, they wouldn’t have cared if they didn’t know.

That isn’t even the craziest part.

During the attack, people were scattered all over the place in a panic. The ScarBlade General had the Governor cornered, and my legs just started moving.

The next thing I know, I had tackled quite possibly THE STRONGEST MEMBER OF THE SCARBLADE ARMY. I told the Governor to run while I dealt with him. While I tangled with him, I realized three things.

1. He’s a general, thus probably has 500x the fighting experience that I have 2. I’m a newbie who’s barely had this job for over two months 3. He had a REALLY BIG KNIFE

Long story short (because my memory is shot after that), Arcas arrived along with the rest of the Adelian troops and drove all of the enemies away. The Governor thanked me for saving him, but at that point I was just running on auto-pilot. I’m pretty sure my bloodstream is still 98% adrenaline.

He said something about a ceremony for awarding me. I wonder how that’s gonna go.

(Below is a doodle of Kalo, who is lying on his side in the fetal position)

P.S. Throughout the entire battle, Caesar was nowhere to be found. When the Governor questioned him about it, he said he was “mixed up in personal buisness.” Right. ———————————————— Dear Diary,

I have just been titled the God of War. I am basically the guardian of this planet. I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything. Sweet Adelia, this all happened so fast. I have had this job for exactly two months, one week, and three days, and I already have all THIS happening.

The Governor said a lot of things during the ceremony, like how someone my age and rank was able to have the courage to go toe-to-toe with the leader of the enemy, and how I would be the youngest Adelian in history to recieve this title.

Despite everything, the ceremony actually went really well, and if I’m being honest, hearing all those people cheer my name is actually kinda nice.

After the ceremony, two people came to congratulate me.

The first one was Caesar. The experience was…less than comfortable.

He said the usual things, like congratulating me for getting the title, blah blah blah. Then he said, and I quote:

“But having a higher rank can paint a bigger target on your back, y'know? So you might wanna look out for yourself.”

I’m pretty sure that he knows that I know.

The second person who congratulated me was Arcas, and that was way better. He asked if I wanted to go out and get drinks to celebrate, but I said no.

You see, compared to him, I’m a bit of a lightweight, and every time we go out to drink, we always somehow end up having a drinking contest. The last thing I need is to deal with a hangover.

He was cool with it, which is a relief, because I was kinda worried he’d take it the wrong way. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy and my best friend, but he’s also a bit of an idiot.

Anyways, speaking of Arcas, I’m not the only one rising up the ranks. Arcas said a high-ranking officer is letting him do a retest of the Enterance Exam! There’s a chance he could be in the National Guard with me!

Well, I’m tired now. This is the longest entry I’ve written and I need to get some sleep.

(Below is a small doodle of what looks to be a badge with a symbol on it)

P.S. I’m going to start compiling evidence on Caesar. The longer someone as corrupt as him is in a high rank, the more comprimised the saftey of the planet becomes. ————————————————- Dear Diary,

Caesar asked to have a private talk with me in his office today. So I went, since he technically still outranked me.

“Arcas is going to be added into the National guard soon,” he said, and he asked what I thought about that.

“I look forward to being able to work with a close friend, sir,” I replied. He chuckled a little and went “Is that so?”

It was at this moment I was sure something was off.

Then Caesar asked what I thought of Arcas. So I told him exactly what I thought.

“He’s passionate, loyal, and a good fighter, albeit a little slow sometimes.”

“Is he gullible?” Caesar asked. Now this question was just out of the blue. So I asked him why he wanted to know. Then everything went South.

“I just wanted to know if he’d make a good scapegoat,” he said, nonchalantly.

“Pardon?” I wanted to know if I heard him right, because if I did, that means he isn’t even trying to hide it anymore. Of course, I didn’t hear wrong.

“I’m sure you heard me right. I know you know what I mean,” Caesar was smiling.

“It’s funny that you think you can do anything against me. You can’t do a single thing.”

And he was right, that’s why he’s said so much. I don’t have evidence of any sort, so if I just accused him, I’d be written off as crazy at best. I was compltely cornered

So I ran. I turned around and ran right out of the office.

After that, Arcas told me which high-ranking officer gave him the retest. Unless there is another “gruff, purple admiral” in the army that I don’t know about, he’s talking about Caesar.

I can’t let him get into the National Guard. ——————————————— Dear Diary,

Today was supposed to be the day that Arcas joined the ranks of the elite along with me. That didn’t happen though. I couldn’t let him in. I wasn’t about to let him become Caesar’s scapegoat. So I framed him. I framed him for leaking military secrets, something he’d never do.

God, it all feels so bad.

When he got dragged away, he had this horrible, betrayed look on his face. I hope I did the right thing. I don’t want to lose him, not like I did with her.

Now I need to explain things to his parents, maybe get them somewhere safe.

P.S. This is probably gonna be the last entry. Something big’s gonna happen soon, I can feel it. ————————————————

“Hey, Careful S, is this your diary?”

Kalo pulled a small, purple note book out of a box. The two of them were currently in the middle of tidying up their room.

“Uh…yeah,” Careful S. mumbled, feeling his face flush. “Can-can I have that?”

Kalo laughes.

“Hah! Don’t worry, I’m not gonna read it!” He passes the notebook over to him.

“Y'know, I used to have a diary,” Kalo smiled, but it quickly fell. “Before it got…destroyed, along with…the rest of my planet.”

The two of them lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.

“Wanna know what the first entry in my entry was?” Kalo blurted out.

“Sure,” Careful S. replied.

“It was actually about something I did on Planet XingXing…” Kalo proceeded to talk about an adventure he had as a kid, though the deeper he got into the story, the more familiar it all sounded.

Suddenly, it all clicked into place. That clingy, blue-haired kid he met during his trip back in time. That was Kalo.

“Now that I think about it,  the hero I met reminds me a lot about you now,” Kalo mused, completely oblivious.

Then Careful S. began to laugh. He laughed at the ridiculousness of of the situation, and about the fact that Kalo used to be so spunky as a child.

Kalo looked at him in confusion. Seeing him laugh was an extremely rare sight.

“What’s so funny?”

“The hero you met? That actually was me.”

[han-jumins]

RFA + minor trio being protective of MC?

I hope you like this anon! btw as much as I like vanderwood, I have no idea how to write him and feel like I won’t do justice if I did so i’ll have to leave him out for this one, sorry. If I do learn how to write him i’ll include him in my future scenarios btw I feel like I went to far from what’s supposed to be yikes, i tried to show different kinds of protectiveness though!

YOOSUNG

Yoosung was ecstastic because MC would be visiting his university to write a report about 

“I’m confused MC what’s this for again?”

“I’m telling you Yoosung, I need a survey from universities nearby. Why? You don’t want me to visit?”

“Of course I want! It’s just I can’t believe you’d pick my school when there’s one much closer to yours”

“Silly, it’s scary going to an unknown university alone. Knowing you’d be there puts me to ease” 

She kissed his cheek as he sighed in content

The following day, Yoosung waited for MC, giddy but anxious

But she didn’t really come on the time she said she would be going

So he looked for her

And he found her talking to some of his friends 

They were all crowding her as she happily talked to them

He felt himself go itchy seeing the scene but willed it away

But when one of his friends grabbed a hold of her hand muttering a “You’re beautiful”, he quickly got to her side and placed his arm around her shoulder

“I see you’ve met my girlfriend”

He made sure to emphasize on the word as his friends stared at him in bewilderment

“She’s your girlfriend? Oh sorry bro I didn’t mean to-”

“Yeah yeah it’s totally cool I just wanted you guys to know”

They put their hands up as they snickered at how jealous he’s becoming

Yoosung turned her around as they started walking the other direction, waving his hand 

Once they got to a deserted hallway he pinned her to the wall

Grasping his hands on her hips he started making out with her

“You’re mine” He growled

“Yoosung” she said breathless against him as he started attacking her neck with kisses

“Yoosung what are you doing”

“Showing them who you belong to”

He gave her one last hard kiss as he pulled on her hand 

“Cmon, you still have a report to make”

“You can’t just do that!”

ZEN

Zen wanted to take MC as his plus one in the party celebrating the success of the musical he was in

She was dressed in a slightly revealing dress and when she came out Zen had his mouth hung low

Placing butterfly kisses along her collarbone he said

“Don’t tempt me tonight, Babe”

Booping on his nose she slightly pushed him away

“Whoa there control yourself”

Zen pouted as they drove to their destination

There were many people, the crew included

Zen was actually mingling alot with the people around so he kind of left MC

She was slightly mad but she knows he means no harm

But she was quite bored 

So she took a few drinks and was starting to have fun with the company of other people

Zen was still nowhere to be found

One guy found his way to her and started talking to her

He was alright and didn’t look like he would do something bad so they talked nearly all night

With each passing minute MC kept drinking and before she knew it she was buzzed

She was faltering in her steps as the guy steadied her

“You know what you’re a cute little drunk lady. Do you want to come home with me?” He smirked

MC felt disgusted and pushed him off 

She then felt strong arms around her as she was pulled towards Zen’s body

“This cute little drunk lady is with me” The intensity of his glare made MC shrink back a bit

“If you so ever lay another hand on her I will ruin you, do you understand?”

The guy gulped as he left

“Now cmon little lady, you made me worry tonight”

JUMIN:

MC was in his office again

I mean what can she say? It was quite boring to be in the penthouse all day

She was acually roaming around the building and was greeting people wherever she goes

They all adore her

They all adore her to the point where MC starts receiving these mysterious flowers

She doesn’t know where it comes from but it always appears in her desk in her own little personal office Jumin made especially for her

She thought it was Jumin who sent them but when she asked if he went to a florist that day he was only confused

These flowers even had notes in them like

‘You are beautiful’

‘The brightness of the sun cannot compare to you’

‘You capture the hearts of many, and I am enraptured by you’

She thought it was pretty sweet but it felt awkward coming from another person

So she was trying to find out who this was, going around trying to find possible clues

Jumin noticed her odd actions thought and confronted her about it

She was slightly embarassed to be honest

“Um.. its just i’ve been trying to find out who keeps giving me these flowers”

Jumin stared at her blankly

Someone was… giving her flowers?

A sudden possesiveness came over him

Someone was sending his love flowers. Only he can do something as intimate

So when he told MC to check the CCTV she slapped a hand to her face for not thinking about it earlier

So they were rewinding tapes and Jumin would not go back to his duties until the culprit was found

This guy doesn’t give flowers to someone’s beloved and get away from it, no

So they caught this guy and Jumin confronted him telling him to stay away from MC and that she was his and his only

Everyday after that, Jumin would send her the most extravagant of bouquets 

JAEHEE:

Jaehee and MC were working in their coffee shop when a bunch of rowdy customers came in

They were really causing a ruckus and everyone was getting annoyed

But MC still had to accomodate them

They starting snickering at her when she came over

“She’s so ugly” one said

MC was suddenly aware of how she looked and how she acted

She was feeling really insecure as she clenched her fist, willing her tears away

But still she put a brave smile on

“What would you guys want to have?” She asked

“Hm, we’ll have the other waitress please” 

The group laughed and high fived each other as MC looked down

Soon arms wrapped around her shoulders as Jaehee stood menacingly towards them

They slightly cowarded at the look she was giving them as Jaehee spoke in a firm, commanding voice

“If you want to speak like that to the people working here then you will never be welcome back to this place. MC is the owner of this cafe and I would not tolerate your harsh words towards her, now pick your bags up and leave this instance” 

MC could tell Jaehee was holding back and when the group scurried over to the door, one gave them a look before sticking their tongue out and walking away

Jaehee’s glasses broke as she strated marching, wanting to judo them into oblivion

MC grabbed her wrist to stop her and kissed her cheek

“Thank you for saving me”

“Of course, MC. I would never let them do anything to you”

The next following days, Jaehee had been watching each and every customer MC served like a hawk

And everytime there was someone remotely rude to her she was sure to come and give them a piece of their mind

SEVEN:

They were at at disneyland celebrating their anniversary

MC loved the fact that Seven really does go out of his way when he really wants to

He was supposed to be working on something important but told her he would come on a condition that she would let him work sometime of the day while they were there

MC agreed because she understood the weight of his task 

So here they are, hand in hand struting along

They were having fun, playing games and riding different kinds of rides

MC loved taking pictures with the mascots

She especially loved taking pictures with mickey

He was actually very… clingy

But MC being oblivious paid no mind

He would link his arm around hers and they would walk together

Seven could almost feel the smirk behind the mask

They both kind of fought for MC

Mickey stayed with them for a duration of time and he would actually hold her hand

MC thought it was super cute 

Seven then decided to grab her other hand and kiss it, making her laugh by cracking some jokes

Then mickey bent down a bit and pointed at his cheek

MC kissed it

“That damn mouse, what is he doing with my girlfriend”

Seven then tried to drag her along to come to  another place but mickey came along with them, often dancing and getting cheek kisses from MC

Seven was fuming

He gave mickey the harshest glare he could muster and dragged MC away from him for good this time

Mickey created sad gestures as he skipped away

Seven breathed in relief

They spent a good amount of time after that until Seven told her he needed to work with the guilt on his face

MC gave his hand a little squeeze “It’s completely fine, I’m just going to play with the arcades here”

So Seven found a secluded place to stay and work but can’t help but feel something wrong at the back of his mind

After enconding some things, he got up to look for her

And lo and behold again it was mickey standing by her

This time with his mask off so he could see the man behind it

They were laughing as Seven came up to them and gripped her waist

Spinning her around he gave her a deep kiss

They were practicically were making out in front of mickey

He got so embarassed and apologized as he walked away

That’s right you mouse, get away from me my love 

“Seven! what are you doing!” MC asked in shock with her cheeks tinted red

He gave her a little peck on the lips 

“Just needed to show him who you belong to, I’ve always like goofy more than him anyways”

SAERAN:

They were strolling by the bay, a little getaway for them

Saeyoung suggested an outing with just the three of them

Saeran was reluctant but the fact that MC would be there coaxed him into it

I mean he probably wouldn’t allow MC and Saeyoung to be alone

So here they are at a secluded bay Saeyoung found

Seyoung was back in their little campsite to give them some privacy because cmon he only wanted to have this outing to play cupid

So MC and Saeran walked, fingers brushing against the other

His cheeks were tinted a light pink because of their proximity

But when MC moved away Saeran slightly grumbled

She only stood atop of the mini wall that seperates the ground from the sea

Easy to fall over to the other side 

Saeran’s eyes widened a fraction 

“You idiot, get down”

MC pouted

“Aw why are you such a meanie, Saeran. Killing the fun”

“I”m not killing the fun, i’m serious get down from there”

“Get down from where? I can’t hear you”

She made faces and giggled 

As she was laughing, her footing stumbled and she shrieked as she was wobbling to get her balance

Saeran’s face darkened as he quickly got to her and yanked on her arm, pulling her and crashing unto him, making them both fall down

Saeran was hugging MC close to him, his heart racing at what could have been

MC was still in a state of shock and thought Saeran was mad at her

But when she found the gentle caress of his hands trembling, that’s when she knew he was terrified

“G-God MC you” His voice was laced with worry

MC bashfully faced him and looked down where she was fiddling with his shirt

“I’m sorry”

“You better be sorry. Look what could have happened if I didn’t!- You could have- Ugh” 

Saeran tightly held her in his arms again

“I don’t want to lose you”

MC held him tighter

“You won’t, I promise”

[snipsnsnailsnwerewolftales]

Emotional Hell prompts

Emotional Hell

Anon: Okay (sorry if it’s disappointingly crap lol), but the first bit was where the four of them all end up getting into a major argument over something and it gets all angry and tense and ppl lose their tempers and go off on each other and say some nasty things they probably don’t mean, and they all fall out (or people take sides and fall out so it’s two against two, or the ever-dramatic three against one). Then someone ends up storming out. (This sounded more interesting in my brain I swear lol)(Second Message)Oh and the second thing was that one of them gets really badly injured (possibly the person who stormed out?) while they’re all still mad at each other over whatever was said. One of the other three find out and worry takes over the anger and they all end up rushing to the hospital(/Deaton probably, but I have a fluffy thing for if it’s in the hospital). The three of them are sitting in an awkward silence on the way there bc they’re anxious but also aware of what was said before.(Third Message)And if it were in a hospital, the fluffy thing is basically that they’re all sitting in the waiting room and one of the doctors or nurses comes over and asks if ?? has any family members waiting and the three of them stand up at the same time and share a brief look before following the nurse/doctor and then in the end they all make up. // p.s I’m so sorry about my bad ideas and even worse description skills, please don’t feel like you have to write any of this to humour me or anything lol! x

@jazzijanal: Ooh. If you could do something based off of Stand By You by Rachel Patten with reader x pack×everyone like issac, derek, please! If you cant its fine. I just listened to it and realized I needed it.

Anon: “I’ve loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you” w/ roommates (the tall ass jiraffe ☺️)

Anon: Roommates: “I was in love with you yesterday, I’m in love with you today and I’m going to be in love with you tomorrow.” But to not make seem weird, you can make it: “I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you tomorrow. Always amd forever, Isaac.” ❤️ I just can’t with these two 💕

Anon:“Are you seriously threatning my best friend?” W/ Roommates Anon: I know that this isn’t in the prompt list but I wanted to ask you for a Roommates drabble/imagine with this prompt “I will love you forever and always. No matter what we go through, I’ll be there through every step of the way. Is it going to get crazy? Hell yeah! But I’m willing to risk everything to be with you. You’ll never be alone cause you’ll have me by your side, I promise you that. So are you willing to have some adventures with me? If you are, take my hand and let’s to it together.” ❤️

Anon: Roommates where Y/N has a stalker (Allison/Matt situation) and the boys help her figure out who the person is and they find out that the person is an evil supernatural creature and they manage to take him down after they fight him?

Anon: Roommates request: Theo goes after y/n to try and take her power because she’s in route to becoming a true alpha and Derek, Isaac and Peter go resscue her maybee???

Anon: Can you make a roommate chapter where Theo kidnaps the reader so he can steal her power because she’s in route to becoming a True Alpha and Derek, Peter, Isaac and Scott’s pack rescue her and she talks about what happened with Scott- -and Scott says that she has to wait a little while to become one but it’s true and the 3 stooges say that they’re proud of her with some fluff if you want. I’m halfway through them and I love them ❤ thank you for making me smile always 😘

Anon: Can you write a roommie drabble, where y/n and Isaac go on a mission to take down a powerful werewolf and Derek and Peter don’t know about it and really intense stuff happens and Isaac is ALMOST killed by the werewolf but she saves him (Second message) I was reading the ficlet list and I was wondering if you could write it with these: 2,7,14,20,24,29,31,33,43,44 and 47… Are you up for a challenge? 😈 Ps: Peter and Derek never find out about what happened😼 (Third message) The list is the one that you reblogged from everybirdfellsilent that says “send me a number and I’ll write a ficlet”. I can’t send the link on my computer idk why but you can find it in you masterlist 😊 Ooh girl then you better make it good 🔥😉❤😈 “Have you lost your damn mind!?” “I almost lost you.” “Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.” “You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.” “You’re the only one I trust to do this.” “I thought you were dead.” “You lied to me.” “Please don’t do this.” “YOU DID WHAT?!” “If you die, I’m gonna kill you.” “No one needs to know.”

Anon: Isaac lost his memory fighting a werewolf(not by claws) and the reader gets emotional and stuff and peter and derek do everything they can to bring him back (but not easily). Could you make it last like 2 chapters? (Isaac with no memory) 🙏😀😈🔥❤👍

Anon: Could you make an imagine where Isaac and Y/N are fighting for something really stupid (like literally thrwing their claws at each other) and when Derek and Peter intevene Derek pushes the reader away from Isacc but in the process she falls to the floor for Derek’s shove and hits her head in the floor and gets knocked out. And in her unconciousness she is imagining what it would be like if Issac and her were acually related and lived with Peter and Derek their whole lives

Anon: Okay, so we already know what Isaac would do for Y/N ifnsomething happened to them, but i was wondering if you could do an imagine where the reader gets into real serious danger because of a baddie in BH amd Peter, Derek, Isaac and Scott’s pack have to do everything they can to keep the reader safe and get rid of the bad with roommate fluff. This was inspired by the imagine with theo and everything. I would love to read that if you could make it. Love your blog btw :)

Anon: Can you make an imagine on what happens during the full moon like where does Derek take Isaac and Y/N for protection, and the whole tranformation process where Y/N uses Isaac as her anchor and how Isaac finds out

Anon: “Look. I have to say something. I know that we always fight and we annoy the hell out of each other, but that’s what families do. And while I do admit that sometimes I wonder how the hell I got dragged into all of this, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love you all, even if I don’t show it. I know that sometimes I’m hard on you, but I do it because I’m afraid to lose you. So now you know… But I just wanted to tell you guys that. Roommates (Derek)

[pegavolice]

The thing with instagram is,you wanna know what's going on in certain people's lives,not just to post pics,you acually crave for human affection,for their reaction on you. You crave for human connection,because you maybe can't find it in real life,in every day life,and you begin to look for it in places like this thing called social media. It can be bad,because u get warped around in that world,that dosen't really show you reality. Even tho some of us are trying to make it as real as possible. For those who are still trying,thank you. You are the reason why I kinda love it,in a way. Yeah,it can be bad,let me show you how. It can make u feel bad about yourself,about your life because you are not successful like them,or you don't have the looks like them,you don't have houses like them,cars,friends,rich perents like them,and all that material bulshit. It can manipulate you in a way you can't even see. You begin to do stuff so you can be more likeable..more in trend,more like everyone else. You acually begin to do stuff particulary for instagram. When you go out with your friends you have to take a picture and post it,to show you have a social life,when you go to the party,yes that means drinks pic. Come on,been there done that. Oh isn't it lovely to get all that attention from the people on the internet,yes we need attention. Every day,yes me,me, look at me. Pretty bad part is when you let the app rule your life, every morning when u wake up,you check your instagram notifications,who liked your last post,what are the comments saying about you. Is it too simple? Is it too much of a compliment? Ou is it flirty? Did your chrush just liked your post? Hm oukaay is that sarcastical hate someone is using? Think about it...

We have to live our lives by doing so,not just by putting on a pics on instagram stories and post about our problems,because that's not the way how they're going to disappear. Yeah, I know perhaps it's a way you want to be heard,maybe some of us have the same problems,and that's the only thing that acually connect us,or it can be our way of creativity,either way you're not alone.

And man,let me tell you something,If it wasn't for this stupid app I would never met the people I am grateful today.

They are golden,and extraordinary.

You know who you are,don't you?! I know u do,u might be the only ones still reading this shitmouth full of thoughs sptting it all out of me in 2am thursday night xD

My point is,it can be good too,but just if you creat it yourselfe.

If u follow the people who makes u feel good,more confident,if they make u feel acceptable. You should follow the people who inspires you.

You can express yourselfe in a way you choose to,is it art,or humor content, is it writing or just memes,photography any really kind of creativity.

You can choose how your life on social media will effect you.

And that's the great thing about it,you just have to realise it. Because when u do, you'll be the one in control,and not the other way around.

You have to learn to be able to express yourselfe in everyday life,in a real world. That way it becomes real. They say actions speak louder then words do.

Take it,embrace it, make it good for you, or just delete the damn app. Now go,and choose.

E.O

[mcrmadness]

Rant about how I can’t draw anymore... it shouldn’t have got this long but as it did anyway, I’m gonna put a read more link there eh...

Asdfdeghawbfk I’ve been reading some webcomics on Tumblr and the more I see the pics the more I want to draw too! I just don’t know what to draw. I lost my inspiration years ago. I guess I just became this boring adult or something. Not really as I’m still very child-like by my mind but I think all my energy and imagination is rented by my mental illness as it loves to make up weird scenarios and false alarms 24/7 so there’s none left for my own use...

So far only things I can came up with is drawings related to my mental stuff and it makes me angry because it’s just lots of text along with badly drawn pictures of nothing interesting. I already write way too much of my nonsense no one is interested in and it’s spreading to my art too.

It’s sad because drawing had been my hobby since I could handle a pen. I guess it ended few years ago when I used to do lots of portraits. Just fanart basically but those were never good enough. For me as I’m a huge perfectionist. I was good at the mechanics but not so good at making them look original. I think the major breakdown was when my friend told me that she doesn’t understand people who draw portraits because it’s just basically a copy of a photo and is lacking the soul or story of the drawing itself. She got the point and I was and still am not angry at her, but it made me realize that they were just not-even-perfect copies of photos.

I also was bullied at school and made feel like I was worth nothing and everyone just hated (on) me and I felt pretty shit and I was lonely as hell (I had no friends at school for almst 2 years in straight), I drew a lot and that was my way of getting the attention and approval I couldn’t get. And it was never enough. I did not draw because it was fun but because I wanted it finished, uploaded to Deviantart and to see if I could get comments and I was ALWAYS disappointed and felt like the world is against me and it’s my destiny that no one will ever see me no matter what I do. I was grateful for everyone leaving a like or comment but it was not enough... so maybe they lacked the soul because y only intention with them was to get attention. So I slowly stopped drawing.

I also can’t draw anything just like that. I’m terrible and it also made me even more depressed and angry because everytime I tried drawing something that was no copying, they turned out 57825792 times worse. And I just felt like I actually couldn’t even draw shit so I was just lying to myself, I was pretending to be good at drawing when in reality I sucked so bad and just was faking for myself because I knew how to mechanically draw, but not how to draw with just my mind as the reference pic. I don’t know if they looked so horrible for everyone or just for me, but it made me so damn angry. And I’m not an angry person but when I tried to draw it just made me so stressed out and I wanted to break everything and throw stuff out of the window so I stopped.

AND YET I still feel the urge to draw but I don’t know WHAT to draw. Okay since the first Deadpool movie I’ve been wanting to draw this once scene from it but I’ve never started because it’s too much work to go and find that scene on the bluray and actually get that paused so you can see the lines well enough. So I’ve been thinking about that scene for over 2 years and have done nothing. Also it would just be one stupid-ass piece of fanart portrait which lack the soul and it’d be just for me to do something DP related for couple of hours as that’s probably only way to do something lasting that long. Unless I watch the movie or play the game 24/7 but... maybe not :DD (Also still can’t beat the last boss in the game because they really did not think about players using keyboard so it’s pissing me off too. I really want to know how the damn game ends!)

I also love comics and I started drawing comics when I was 9-10 years old. Or first I started with just series of pictures. Acually have to tell this one here: always the same story tho about a dino riding another dino like a horse in a competition, and then falling over this water hurdle that was deeper than swim pools what the fuck - and it ended with him watching the competition from tv with his family and he was in a wheel chair with an overall plaster cats what was wrong with me??? But I also did draw on coloring books, once I draw with a red crayon on some sort of swan, I drew wounds and blood everywhere and kept telling a story of how lion had attacked it and my aunt was there listening to me horrified :DDD I also remember how I once drew a cat family that apparently turned out to be so dangerous they had chains and all and eventually I ended up drawing lines over the whole paper because they were also behind a ighly securited fence. Okay, I know this sounds pretty creepy, but actually I’ve always liked animals over people so I have no clue why I drew things like these when in the end I could never hurt animals. Maybe Jurassic Park and other movies, as well as documents about animals, had something to do with this? Who knows...

(I also have traumas for the movie “Homeward Bound”, the scene where the cat’s in the basket in the middle of the river and the dog is trying to rescue it. I was very young at the time when my mom caught me in front of that movie crying like a... baby? because of that cat. I haven’t been able to watch that film ever again. So that probably tells you how much I love animals and especially cats as I’ve always lived with cats and we had three when I was born. But I did adopt this to my plays as a kid, I loved so much to play when someone or even better if it was a GROUP OF KIDS that were in a huge danger and they needed to be rescued. I did this with every single play I played back then. Still love it when x rescues y but nowadays more like on an emotional level as I was always alone against the people hating me and I could only dream about someone standing for me.)

BUT TO THE COMICS. At first they were just stream of consciousness without any plot, I created new characters all the time and never finished their stories as they had no plot ever. Also loved drawing “biographies”, usually it was some female anthropomorphic animal or insect that used clothes and had hair because I loved drawing different styles, make up and hair/hairdos to them. And often it started with couple of panels telling about her story from the beginning, then jumped to some age and next thing was panel per age at the same time telling about her in tht age. The idea was just to draw lots or hair and clothes, and then it ended with some age I considered “adult enough” and then their teenage/adult life started with boyfriends and stuff. Usually it was pretty much an ugly duckling kind of story where they were different and maybe bullied because of something (this one bunny had floppy ears so they did everything to get them pointy because she was bullied I guess? At least she hated her ears. Btw this was my first real comic ever!). But you can see why I still love playin The Sims games! :D

After these endless stories about nothing particular I came up with the idea of actually writing a plot and then drawing. Ended up with plenty of short comics that actually had a plot and some idea in them. The characters did change tho and I probably had couple of stories of each different characters. They were also always animals but no more antropomorphic but just animals that had speech bubbles.

My last comics ever (so far) have been two originals and one that I drew as a fanart. The two originals were called Micro - The Insane Murdered, and Little Emo Bird.

Micro was this dino-like creature, yet another anthropomorphic character because I did not know how to draw people without copying anyone’s style and I just never came up with humans as characters. So the header tells it, Micro is a murderer. This one I actually liked a lot! I was 15-17 when I drew him, but it was also much gore as, well, he’s a murderer. Or just a killer as he’s pretty much insane and doesn’t plan but just acts out of blue. I think I drew 3 different short stories for him and I had the last one written down. It was pretty interesting as I didn’t draw him for a while and when I remembered those plans and came back, I had had my identity crisis and EVERYTHING had changed. Original plan was to get him a girlfriend - after he was caught for his crimes and snet to prison,m he later was sent to an asylum for prisoners. This story should have taken place in there, introducing fellow inmates and Micro just felt like he was not in the right place as he was not ill. And then he would have met this girl and they’d have fallen in love and so on. But when I later checked that out I was so... confused :D Like, this is not me? This is what I hate now? Romance, ew, heteronormativity, ew, JUST THE CLICHÉS, BIG EW. So I just wrote these this very deep wall of text about his personality but it never turned into a comic. But I remember how proud I was about it as Micro was meant to be partly me but also something I could never be and never will be and what not, just some pretty cheesy blabber that felt good back then but right now would feel just as stupid as the first plan :D

The second one, Little Emo Bird, was an interesting one as well. I created it as a joke because I was a huge My Chemical Romance fan and there was this never-ending debate over if they’re emo or not (and as a fan I believed them so they were not emo) and created LEB. It was this bird and you usually saw just his head and occassionally wings too and he was very stereotypical emo with black hair and he was very suicidal and angry 24/7. Also others called him gay when he insisted that he was not. But actually I always imagined him with a girl emo bird instead of another boy bird but it was just the another stereotype that emoboys are gays. So it was not meant to be mean but just fun. I also liked him very much because he talked with me - the drawer/writer. Like he knew he can’t kill himself because I won’t let him and it pissed him off very. much. And he hated how the panels he was in had frames looking like scars. Oh my bad, the panels were not scars but the arrows pointing the next panel :D I’m not sure if he was actually suicidal but at least he acted like one because he was desperate for attention and tried to get attention to show no one gives a fuck about him and the would get angry for stupid reasons. So basically just a very moody teenager. 

I have all these on my DeviantArt if someone’s interested, but I want to link here one of the... memes? What the shit these DA fill-this-thing were actually called memes? I wonder if they still are o.O Anyway, I want to link this one because I think it’s still the best one and I really like the outcome here :D

Here’s also the link to my dA as this empty meme was done by someone else and I wanna give credits. Oops, apparently it’s a deactivated account so nevermind, but here’s the link anyway.

The latter and so far the latest comic was about Die Ärzte, or more about the slash pairing (still my OTP) and I drew couple of comics about them, as well did write fanfiction too. These comics were my first to have human characters as I was tired of drawing everyone always in the form of animals (horses usually) just because I didn’t know how to draw people, and many people found their animal forms really disturbing to view so I changed to people.

After those I just haven’t drawn anything really. Comics would be nice, once I actually thought it would be interesting as a career but then again, I can’t work under pressure and I couldn’t live from art because you never know when the artblock hits you. Right now it’s been on for couple of years and basically only way to create something atm is to play The Sims 3 and write my TS3 blog. At least it’s something, pics with text so... I still would love to draw but I just have NO IDEA of any concept or anything.

Also just want to say here that after thinking about my Micro and LEB it’s weird how there’s certain things that actually are just the things that made me start liking Deadpool. (I’d have written ‘fall in love’ but as much as he is a fictional character, he’s still a human being and I don’t/can’t love humans...) It just shows that I’ve always like that kind of things with comics but didn’t know they existed outside of my comics until I found out about DP. Have to admit tho, that I haven’t read any DP comics... But I have an excuse: I don’t know if there’s a way to get those in Finland. ANYWAY, I just feel like someone would think these were affected by DP but actually they were not. Micro and LEB both were created in 2008 and I did not find out about Deadpool until in... 2013-2014 I think? And even then it was just occassional browsing in the internet before the movie trailers came out and that’s when I really got interested and started reading about him a lot and bought the game and here I am now. Acually not sure if it was in 2013 when we were just rewatching the X-Men movies and a friend of mine probably mentioned Deadpool at some point and told some things about him that got my attention. But really I got interested bit later anyway.

I really feel like I should do some sort of comparison between me drawing from photos vs. me drawing from my head to show how huge the difference is. And this annoys me a lot because I feel like I’ve been using these photos to LEARN to draw better but it just feels like my skills are at the maximum no matter how much I’d practice, and I’m not happy with the result as I feel like I should learn even more but how do you learn if your skill is stuck??? People always say that you just need to draw every day and a lot and they don’t understand that’s what I did and never could cross a certain point. I probably was also very jealous at my siblings because they were 5732850 times better than me who had been drawing longer than them (as I’m 3½ years older), just seeing them to improve made me so angry because I did not seem to improve at all. With copy drawings I did tho! But not with the ones I wanted to.

Now, I also know that lots of artists use lots of reference photos and that’s actually great and made me feel better as I always assumed everyone is naturally that awesome and I can’t even learn more; so it made me feel better because I also have permission? I’m not fake for using photos? But I’m just this... all or nothing so I very easily feel like I’ve betrayed myself if I don’t draw all by myself and then I need to point out that hey I’m not this good in reality I used a photo heh don’t think I’m a naturally gifted as I’M NOT asddd. So yeah, my need to constantly explain myself is on the way with this one too :))) But I don’t think this would be so bad anymore if I now started drawing again, but the biggest problem still is, that I still have that artblock and I haven’t had inspirations in years. Apart from that DP fanart idea which I don’t know if I should carry out or not... sigh.

...I want teh comics!!! I once even wanted to start this webcomic diary because I used to read lots of them but even that idea was dead from the beginning because my life is so boring there’s nothing to draw about. I also have drawn couple of comics of our cats but again it’s the thing I can’t (or I make myself believe that I can’t...) draw the way it’d look nice and appealing, now they’re just black and white mess.

[x--xlove-tate]

The Truth. #9

I dislike Michael and the damaged I caused myself whenI assumed i was in love because my tumblr page is the most fucking annoying thing to look at now that i’m over it. Acually i dislike every ex i’ve ever had because I always write about them and i’m remind of my own stupidity. really breeana suicide because a boy stopped liking you before you stopped likeing them. now that would be a real waste of your life don’t you think. I don’t like him and damn sure who ever broke my heart before him that made me fall for him as hard as i did. fucking foolishness. It would be lovely if i could pin point who the fuck i’m so hung up on so i could stop feeling so hard like i do cuz now i’m holding on to Namjoon the same way. my feelings for him are gone but i refuse to let him go. why the fuck am i afraid of being abandoned by someone i haven’t even met yet. what the hell happend to me when i was little that’s made me like this? I’m forcing myself to like a fucking idol just to keep my head on for the fucking time being. thank god i’m holding on to someone with some fucking common sence that’s giuding me in a positive direction cuz lord know what would happen if i wasn’t I wonder how long i can drag this on for this time seeing how i’ve finally aknowledge it after weeks of forcing myself to ignore it. fuck who ever hurt me and fuck myself for not letting the shit go congradulations breeana your still fucking yourself over like always.