#and abusers dont and just like to pretend everyone else is just as bad

[furiousgoldfish]

'hurt people hurt people' you're saying that once someone's been hurt, all they know how to do is hurt others? Anyone who has been abused is now bound to become an abuser no matter what, because they've gotten hurt? People who are hurt are now brainless hurting machines and can't be expected to do anything else but hurt others?

If any of this was true the victims of abuse would be out there destroying the rest of humanity. Instead we are often exploited, used, retraumatized, stuck in toxic friendships/relationships, all while putting our best efforts into being kind and understanding.

Hurt people hurt people is bullshit. You can get hurt and harm nobody in response. It's what we've been doing for all of our lives. There is nobody too stupid to grasp the concept of not hurting others due to personal suffering. Hurt people hurt people is abusers excuse mantra. Most of us find zero reward in casting harm towards others.

[ableedingpromise]

God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????

[snekdood]

welp, at this point if anyone in the crowd of Bad Faith People Who Stalk Me And Hate Me Bc Of Someone Else's Compulsive Lying tries to accuse me of antisemitism bc i have a vampire whos a villain in my comic, i'm gonna ask them what their take was on allll of this going on. if its anything like "israelis and/or zionists are all evil people" then ik i never have to take their opinion seriously bc they dont even know what antisemitism means.

[ggumjjun]

Omg!!! wouldn’t mind toxic fwb with taehyun he def suits it

bye this is so fucking toxic i loveeeee toxic txt aha um actually tho this is super bad n like really toxic so read w caution~~

toxic “friends” with benefits with taehyun… more like sex when he calls you past midnight, when he’s tired and frustrated, wanting a fuck without feelings. and he’ll fuck you hard and mean,,, and leave without a word from the hotel room, your swollen pussy aching and body left wrapped in sheets as he tugs on his pants, waves, and says he’ll call again another time.

and it goes on and on because it’s such a shame he’s so fucking hot, abusing your cute cunt until he’s spent and he’ll leave… until one day he calls. and taehyun who says he wants a favor… you can say no all you want… but can you really~? so saying yes without knowing, arriving at the hotel room only to find him with a cam set up, his secret’s out~~ your toxic fuck boy is a camboy who fucks his fist for money,,, but wants to try something new. rules~? no kisses (as if he hadn’t implemented this rule from the start), no face, and be a good fuck, don’t say no to him.

toxic camboy taehyun who smirks, up to his sharp jawline and lips showing on camera, viewers pouring in as he strokes your clothed ass,,, waiting for the comments he wants. who is that? taehyun you’re mine aren’t you? dont fuck someone else, im jealous… just what he wants. jealous viewers with money to spend, as he shoves your face deeper into the pillows roughly without apology, camera only on your clothed ass and the small of your back n upper thighs… nothing showing but that. hey, taehyun smirks to the camera, are all of you that jealous… of my new fucktoy~? a muffled whimper from you escapes… fucktoy? that’s right, nothing more than a cockslut… she’s nothing compared to you. taehyun sighs, before tearing open your pants without a shred of guilt… and it’s so shameful, isn’t it? to have your dripping pussy on camera,,, where everyone knows you’re so wet for him even if he treats you like a cocksleeve… so desperate for his cock when he’s a toxic fuck.

and camboy!taehyun who fucks your pussy hard on camera for all his darling viewers, so jealous they pour in more money for him to degrade you, call you a cocksleeve, pretend you’re a fleshlight who’s just being used for his pleasure as he rams into your pussy from behind, grunting and groaning as his head throws back, adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, swears and degrading cruelty leaving his lips without shame. dumb fucking slut, think you can cum? toys don’t cum, better take my cock, whore. crying into the pillows as taehyun ruins your cute cunt, all swollen and overstimulated as he edges you again and again… only for his own pleasure as he earns more and more… his viewers demanding taehyun use you more and more as they devour his cam stream <3 abs clenched and hands gripping your hips hard, taehyun who pulls out just in time to stroke his cock as his cum spurts on your ass,,, groaning with relief and gazing at the numbers… better than he’s ever done.

wonder how long you’ll let this continue… as taehyun wires you a third of the money he made from the stream,,, staring at the notification and wondering if he’ll ever treat you better, as a second notification appears at the top of your screen, a link. and tapping on it has his past stream showing up as taehyun fucks your pussy without care, abusing your cunt for his pleasure,,, and your fingers slipping between your thighs as you watch…

… too toxic?

[jazzyblusnowflake]

mini update yay-

so lets see, ill start off apologizing for being dead- exam season is around the corner and the only good thing about that will be that i will no longer have to teach or design papers- so i can probably draw a bit again, hopefully at least- so i WILL get back to the requests yall have sent me i promise uwu💕

tho bad news comes in the form of my school principles and viceprinciples bullying me because im a newbie, saying im not good at my job and putting their shortcomings as my fault because who wouldnt like to blame someone else for something they werent able to do- and i feel like the abuse im taking in this toxic environment is convincing me slowly to quit my job and start risking less stable jobs even if it means being my daddies little house girl again for a while. 🙄 at the very least even if im leaching off my parents i still actually HAVE somewhat decent parents and thats not something alot of people could say and im greatful for that.

the audacity was well shown when the principle went on the teachers meeting and was like "some of the teachers here who i will not name dont know how to do their job-" and then told me that i only got my job cuz my dad is rich [which yeah sure my daddy studied 4 years of uni and then credited me sure mmhmm makes sense.] and honestly i feel like im surrounded by 50 year old toddlers-

overall, learning to adult is difficult and im glad some people are helping me figure out how to put together a resume and apply for jobs and all that.... but i guess the next bad news comes in the form of us leaving for russia. i dont hate seeing other countries but having my life uprooted immediately after work ends and summer starts and selling off the car and putting stuff in boxes and yeeting ourselves via plane to live somewhere else for the next 4 years in pure isolation is not something my mental health is gonna be haha about. esp since im gonna have to talk to my therapist and doctor to give me enough meds for me to be able to search for another doctor while im there to give me similar treatment. ughhhhhhh.

overall i feel like i have reached a lovely level of ✨️no longer giving a shit about existance✨️ and thanks to some friends i was convinced juuuuust enough to reconsider ending myself :) in my defense, google was getting annoying for only bringing up hotlines =_=

my eyes cant see well anymore due to constant crying and emotional numbness has taken over me, so i apologize if i may seem out of it or a lil blunt at times when im talking lol i no longer have the energy to PRETEND and hold a mask to seem SOCIALLY appropriate and in this last month of school im gonna be making it everyone elses problem at school.

but other than that im looking forward for school ending so i could just sleep for a while without waking up BEFORE my alarms at 5am.

ok lets see what else uhh... my bday is on 19th and i pray to lord nobody makes a surprise party for me here, the anxiety of being in crowds is already kicking me in the ass im not ready to pretend to have a social battery ugh.

okay thats it mostly, i think.

i actually made this update MINI get it? :D

...ill show myself out...

[abreathingrock]

Hi it's me, the third (?) of three rtc fans with any knowledge of Irish hahah

I'm so interested in ur rtc oc so would u drop the lore?? I love seeing Irish people involved in the same fandoms as me bc let's face it most of us are bastards so it's kind of unusual

WOWOWOW HIII!! It so cool to see rtc fans with Irish knowledge, especially when they take interest in my oc (I love her so much)

Strap in, I have a lot

Grew up in a gaeltacht region in galway (like Connemara type) so shes fluent(ish) in irish (i literally wish so bad)

Her parents were STINKY and were super mean, like, abusive and shit, it wasnt great for my girl

Went to a #catholicallgirlschool so naturally was bullied asf so she REALLY wasnt having fun

Had one friend who is yet to be named and they hung out together all the time, did a bunch of stuff like pierced eachothers ears, got

tatoos, burned shit, mostly illegal stuff (this is how she got arrested)

Sam and her friend would always talk about running away to Canada, it was their dream, but before they could her friend had to move away to a bording school in Dublin

This affected Sam BAD and caused her to go into a horrible space mental health wise and ultimately caused her to run away

When she got to Canada, she had stolen and exchanged a bunch of her parents money (cus she doesnt care about them and hates them) and bought the absolute cheapest place she could. A two room (kitchen/living/bedroom + sperate bathroom) apartment in Uranium City

She enrolled herself in the local school in a very illegal and fake fashion and took a uniform from lost and found cus ofc she did

She stayed low mostly in school until she met a certain Ukrainian "bad boy", Mischa Bachinski and they became the besties ever

They did most of the stuff she did with her old friend, but this time she was having more fun and felt more free due to not living with her parents and not being in that stupid ass school

Her and Mischa bonded over missing their countries (despite the horribleness Sam faced there, she still misses Ireland a whole heap) and she is the only person who believed Talia is real

Sam ends up in choir because she helped Mischa steal the wine and they sit in the back on Mischa's phone playing games, texting Talia (when they could, yk, timezones), taking dumbass selfies, etc

Mischa helped her become herself a lot more and she loves him like a brother and will kill anyone who speaks against him or hurts him. They both agreed if they ever met eachothers parents it would be on fucking sight

Ocean fucking hates Sam. Cant stand her. She thinks its insane how little she cares about school and is dumbfounded by her punk ideologies (she cant wrap her around head it, shes a little silly <3) She rants to Constance about how she needs to care more and Constance just nods and pretends to listen meanwhile she's in awe of her bravery to be herself and get away from her home.

Noel ends up taking a liking to her because he talks to Mischa sometimes but they dont really interact.

Mischa thinks shes "madwickedawesome" and "the dopest person ever, yo!!" He is the only person who knows about her old friend and the fact she had bad parents, but barely knows the half of it. He encourages her to be who she is and Sam loves him so much, theyre so bestie I cant

Ricky wishes he could talk to her because he also thinks shes pretty cool, but obvously he cant :(( She talks to him sometimes, which he appreciates, but its mostly just complaining about Ocean being annoying in choir when she tells her to get off Mischa's phone

On the day of the accident, her and mischa wander off most of the time, going on some of the rides, but staying off somewhere else most of the time. They come back to ride the cyclone because everyone else is and they both agree rollercoasters are fun.

In the afterlife, she stays talking to Mischa mostly, but begins to talk to Noel and Ricky too.

Her and Ricky end up bonding over cats cus theh both love them, and she hypes him up like crazy after SABM with Mischa

She is infatuated with Jane Doe and thinks shes cool as fuck, even if shes also pretty creepy, and tries to talk to her sometimes

Her song is...something. it starts off with her refusing to sing and Karnak being like "you have to" and begins to force a song onto her. Its chaotic and not at all how Sam wants, being a bit like TSIA.

Sam eventually is like "fine, I'll sing, but Im doing it my way you fucking bitchass machine" and her song is about being conflicted with herself, loving being open about being punk and doing all her illegal stuff, but she loves writing and poetry, something shes never told anyone even Mischa. She sings about feeling like she's always been doomed to be unhappy, always be unsatisfied with her life and missing Ireland despite her horrible life there.

She opens up about her shit parents and her old friend and after her song Mischa gives her a big hug and its cute asf :c

She, after the song, becomes more like her true self and the other choir members are all like "dam shes fucking deep" which she enjoys quite a bit

She bullies tf outta Ocean the whole time, but during its not a game she holds her hand and smiles at her for like the first time ever

Sam also talks to Connie in the afterlife and tells her to drop Ocean etc

Her and Ocean are like siblings, Sam fucking hates Ocean but if someone is rude to her the next day that person shows up with a mysterious black eye

sorry I went on a bit lol

[noxiatoxia]

Can you give komahina (toxic yaoi?) headcanons

lemme see here. this is hard bc i dont necessairly have ~komahina~ headcanons i just have headcanons for komaeda and hajime it really has nothing to do with them as a ship;. but uh

ok so here's one. long winded. but i think from what we can gather about hajime he was a bit of a loner child. his parents didnt seem to gaf abt him. so i think he does get attached to people easy. tbh sdr2 was like a miracle scenario in some ways bc there's this guy who has little to no friends (be he never goes out of his way to make them) and then hes stuck with 15 other people his age and he's like i guess i'll talk to them what else can i do....and turns out everyone desires him carnally. tbf he's able to match ppl's freak and he's just good at listening (or pretending to listen) so this makes him popular. so its like ohhh ok we're friends now. hajime is that kind of guy who if he talks to someone once he calls them his friend. but like everyone IS actually his friend. anyways i think if hajime goes a long time without talking to someone he knows he starts to get a little nervous like if its been 1 whole week and he has not even exchanged small talk with like idk mahiru he's like "something is Critically Wrong" so then he'll go find her and be like "hi hows it going". its like disrupting his routine or whatever. i think the time periods for "how long hajime can go without talking to this person" varies depending on the person obviously. like with hiyoko it's like. they don't interact much so if it's been a week and a half he'll be like ohhh ok...maybe i should say something to her....but someone like kazuichi it's like. 3 days hasn't spoken to him once he's like Where Is That Mother Fucker.

this is all to say when it comes to komaeda in a komahina scenario it's devastating bc if he does not see komaeda in a while he gets fucked up abt it in like his anxiety/ptsd spiral his first thought it KOMAEDA IS DEAD. HIS LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then hes like banging on komaeda's cabin door and shit like KOMAEDA. PLEASE.PLEASE. and komaeda is like um hi. flip side: komaeda is also very much like this but with people he's close-close with bc if he does not see hajime in like three days he's like HAJIME IS DEAD. MY LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then he also goes crazy so they have to at least be makin small talk every day to ward off the demons....

as for like. TOXIC YAOI headcanons idk........anything in the chapter 4 area would be bad. i think. i have read so many hate fucking doujins in the chapter 4 time period. while dat all doesnt seem very canon to me (i just dont think hajime be doin all that. nor komaeda really) i see the vision. kamukoma was probably unhealthy on both sides if we want to go there. but like komahina. idk . 1) my brain is fogged up rn so it's hard to think you can ask again later if you desire but 2) really they aren't all that toxic like outside of a killing game environment. komaeda tends to keep to himself and hajime tries to understand people. so like. hajime is very much a "if it sucks hit da bricks" kind of philosopher so if komaeda was being a detriment to his health and he DID have a way out then it's not like he'd stay. hajime does put his foot down when things get too much. (if komaeda was a woman tho she could abuse hajime and he wouldnt gaf #mikanislandmodeending #hiyokoislandmodeending ) but see again komaeda wouldnt be doin all that. i cant see him intentionally hurt hajime post sdr2 canon, at most unintentionally toxic/unhealthy but again i thinnk hajime would in that case try to help him out like couples therapy style or something. WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS. im bad with headcanons it seems.

[mr-danger-to-my-sanity]

Legend of Da Yu'er / Legend of Xiao Zhuang (2015)

In my desire to watch everything Liu Xueyi has been in that I can find, and mixed with a dash of "I watched this so you don't have to", I'd like to introduce you to Ezhe, the biggest asshole on the Mongolian plains. When looking for more pics from this show I came across a weibo post where someone said "all the worst things a man can do in a drama was given to him", and they're not wrong. This is him.

The basic premise of the show is the life of Da Yu'er, the most beautiful woman in all of Mongolia who lives an unfortunate parallel to Helen of Troy in that she is desired by men who go to war over who should have her. Ezhe is one of them.

(Trigger warning for abuse & sexual assault)

We first meet him at the marriage tournament of our female lead, princess Da Yu'er of the Khorchin tribe. Ezhe is the prince of the Chahar tribe who is confident he will win the horse racing and archery contest, but doesn't hesitate to threaten his fellow competitors for good measure. And for most of the tournament he is winning! Until the Jin Emperor Huangtaiji who has been a spectator thus far, decides to throw his hat into the ring and beats him in the last race, claiming Da Yu'er as his concubine. Ezhe claims that this was all set up ahead of time and is an insult to his tribe to be played like that, setting himself up as an antagonist for both the Khorchin tribe and the Jin Emperor.

(Dont let the wispy lock of hair fool you, things are about to get BAD)

The Khorchin leader offers Ezhe a marriage with Da Yu'er's cousin which is accepted by his father, but Ezhe is HORRIBLE to his new wife for the sole crime of not being Da Yu'er. He strangles her, threatens to torture her for his own amusement and kills her blind mother by pushing her headfirst into a wall. Eventually she has to pretend to be crazy just to get him to leave her alone.

But a truce marriage isn't enough for Ezhe or his father, both of whom think their tribe should be at the top, so they lay siege to Khorchin, only to eventually retreat when the Emperor sends reinforcements.

He disappears for a few episodes only to come back and attack Khorchin again, this time taking their leader (Da Yu'er's grandfather) hostage, and will only exchange him for Da Yu'er, regardless of the fact that she is now the Emperor's favourite concubine. He settles for initially exchanging her grandfather for the male lead Prince Dorgon (the Emperor's brother and the man that Da Yu'er actually loves) to be his hostage instead, threatening to kill Dorgon if Da Yu'er isn't handed over in 3 days.

Ezhe also knows about the weird love triange between the Emperor/Da Yu'er/Dorgon and taunts Dorgon about it at every opportunity. When the deadline is up for the exchange/execution, Da Yu'er shows up at the last second and agrees to his demands only to trick him and run off with Dorgon, leaving Ezhe with a knife to the hand and an even bigger rage boner.

Several episodes later it is now 6 years since Ezhe lost the marriage tournament (and we know this because he keeps harping on about it). Da Yu'er is travelling through the region to escort a new bride back to the palace when their carriage is ambushed and they are kidnapped by Ezhe. Even Ezhe's father thinks this is a dick move but can't convince Ezhe to release them.

(Dad saying what everyone else is thinking)

Ezhe threatens to kill the extraneous woman plus Da Yu'er's cousin who had tried to help them flee, forcing Da Yu'er into tearfully agreeing to marry him. They have a quick wedding offscreen before he drags her to the marriage bed, but he is thwarted by too many layers of clothing which allows enough time for Dorgon, Da Yu'er's brother and some guards to rescue her, and Ezhe is forced to retreat again.

(Have some insufferable smirks for getting this far)

After the death of his father, Ezhe becomes the leader of the scattered Chahar tribe at the same time the Jin Empire is in the process of fighting back the Ming Empire. To save having to fight wars on two fronts, the Jin Emperor sends Dorgon to make a truce with Chahar, inviting them to surrender and assimilate into the Jin Empire. Ezhe naturally refuses and battles with them instead, even poisoning the lake to weaken the Jin army, but in the end is still outnumbered. Ezhe agrees to meet Dorgon to surrender but uses the meeting as a last ditch attempt to kill him, but is captured and his mother surrenders on behalf of the Chahar.

The Jin Empire is successfully rebranded as the Qing Empire, and as the leader of the Chahar, Ezhe is given a title and a ministerial position. He can now mock Dorgon with impunity and waltz around the palace and follow Da Yu'er to his smirking little heart's content. He doesn't even care that his first wife has become the Emperor's newest concubine, or that the Emperor had betrothed him to another princess for the sake of unity, he only cares about Da Yu'er. He looks for every opportunity he can to point out that she is technically his wife since they had a wedding and invites her to run away with him. When that doesn't work he sneaks into Da Yu'er's palace and tries forcing himself onto her, chased off by her maid smacking him over the head with a paperweight.

The next time he attempts to forcibly consummate his dubious marriage, Ezhe drugs Da Yu'er and manages to get shirtless before the Emperor and all of his guards descend on the bedroom and finally drag him off to prison. Even in prison Ezhe is defiant and mocks the Emperor to his face for wanting to only exile him and not kill him, declaring that he is happy to die for love. But he doesn't go without a fight, breaking free from his restraints and fighting the Emperor's bodyguard before turning his blade on himself to insist on Da Yu'er's innocence.

(Totally understand the desire to chain him up and strangle him.)

Ezhe: "It is distinguished and admirable to die for love. I will be elegant and unconventional if I die this way."

~~~

(It was here where I stopped watching because I thought he was dead and then wrote the following:)

Can I make any case for positives? He genuinely mourns the death of his aunt and his father. He obeys his mother when she surrenders, and appears to treat his sister well when they're in the palace. And despite never caring what Da Yu'er wants, when the Emperor catches them together and sets to punish her for adultery, Ezhe takes full responsibility and pleads to the Emperor not to punish her.

So... he's a romantic, if in a very twisted way? Oh good gods this probably the way people romanticize real life serial killers. At least Ezhe is a *fictional* asshole.

~~~

But this behind the scenes picture of Liu Xueyi in a costume I hadn't yet seen prompted me to watch further and lo and behold, the Emperor called for the imperial physician to save Ezhe's life, and he was in a coma and being cared for by Dorgon (of all people). When he wakes it is 9 months later (to coincide with the birth of Da Yu'er's son and the rumours of his parentage). Ezhe is weakened so much that he has lost his martial abilities and the Emperor chooses not to punish him any further in order to keep the peace. Ezhe relays his gratitude to Dorgon for his caregiving and his apologies to Da Yu'er for hurting her. He even tries to turn away his fiancee, calling himself a "wicked sinner" but she sticks by him and he begins to reform his ways.

For the next 14 episodes he disappears off the screen until it's 6 years later and the Emperor is dead. Dorgon (now the Regent for Da Yu'er's Emperor son) comes to visit Ezhe, who has been living a quiet life outside the palace with his wife and son, spending his time reading holy books. Dorgon invites Ezhe to join him in battle against the last of Ming army to which he readily agrees.

Under Dorgon's command, Ezhe leads an elite team of soldiers to pretend to be allies and mislead the enemy, helping the Qing army close in the ranks around them. Side by side with Dorgon he fights the last Ming General into retreating into the woods. Ezhe protects Dorgon by diving in front of the general's guandao/polearm, spitting up blood but not conceding. The enemy general slices off Ezhe's right arm at the shoulder, but Ezhe grabs the polearm with his left hand and proceeds to beat the general back with a series of mighty kicks until Dorgon captures him once and for all. The adrenaline of the fight gone, Ezhe hits the ground like a fallen tree, and Dorgon cradles him in his dying moments. Ezhe has finally paid back Dorgon for saving his life and is happy to die a dignified death on the battlefield after being weak for so many years, with one final request.

With his last breath, does he ask for Dorgon to say goodbye to his wife for him? To look after his son? To bury him next to his father in the Chahar plains? No, Ezhe's last dying words, true to form, are "Take good care of Da Yu'er for me."

(Thats the end, congrats, have some battle scowls.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes on his reform: Ezhe does end his arc in a lot better form than he began, but it was still very self centered. When he woke from his coma, his gratitude and respect was for Dorgon to whom he apologised for the hurt he'd caused. It was only after Dorgon pointed out that he'd hurt Da Yu'er the most that Ezhe asked Dorgon to pass on his apology to Da Yu'er too. No mention at all of the torment he put his first wife through, or how he endangered his own people on many occasions for his own desires. He throws the fish back into the pond when fishing because the fish "is a living thing", but is still wishing he had the strength to fight back when the Emperor's son insults his pride. Although his wife and son appear to have a happy life when we briefly see them, Ezhe refers to his domestic life as his time "being weak" and eagerly riding off into battle. And his dying words? Take care of Da Yu'er "for me." She's the bloody Empress Dowager at this point, but he's still thinking of her through the lens of his association with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Would I recommend watching?

For the story? It's a palace drama with a very soap opera vibe, which got a little much for me so I only skimmed through it to keep up just enough with the plot. I liked the main characters but was not as invested in them to keep watching after Ezhe died, but it certainly wasn't boring at any point.

For Liu Xueyi? If you've read this far then you're at least aware of the godawful shit Ezhe does and if you want to see him glare and smirk and fight his way through the show with a curly wig and some big jewellery then go for it. He's a great antagonist and his fight scenes are really quite good. (And if you only want to watch the episodes he's in, I can give you a list).

This was a surprisingly bigger role than I expected it to be for his second drama, and could very well be his OG Asshole character (I haven't found his first drama yet so can't attest to his character in that) so if you've ever wondered why he gets cast as assholes as often as anything else then this might just be the reason why.

This show is listed on MyDramaList as The Legend of Xiaozhaung, but I found it with English subtitles on YouTube as The Legend of Da Yu'er.

Costume Gallery:

[madara-fate]

I haven't been in this fandom for years now, and i wanted to check out this again and wow, is still the same. I feel like, is okay if people don't like sasusaku, i can even see why (everything was wrapped very quickly at the end). But to say that real sasuke fans shouldn't support sasusaku, or that if you really love sasuke you should hate sakura is a reach. I understand if people think he was wronged by the narrative and he deserved better, but this fandom treats sakura worse than the villains. If sakura was really a bad person, sasuke would have just .... choose someone else. She was just in love with a boy who was really traumatized and in pain. She wanted the best for him, is not a big deal. Is sakura a flawed character? Yes, she is. But so is sasuke and i still love him because i can empathize with him and see how much he was suffering. They both have a lot of good and bad things. I also can understand if people don't like sakura, but why is her hate always about sasuke? "she should have moved on", "she abused him", "she doesn't deserve him". Like, why is bad loving someone.. everyone in naruto is allowed to not move on from someone, but she has to. For her character to be better, she needs to stop loving sasuke. The hate that sasuke get is from people who pretend they care/like sakura too. Like, is okay if people don't like the canon couples, that's totally fine. I'm not a fan with a lot of things after 699 either. But, the fact that a lot of people think that you can't be a real fan of a character because he ended up with someone you don't like is ridiculous. SS couldn't have happened and i wouldn't care, sasuke would still be happy with other person and i would be happy for him. That's all I ever wanted for him. Same with sakura. Can they just let it go? More than 10 years and fans have made it all about shipping. that's.... the only thing they care about. There's so much more about sasuke and sakura than them being a couple. I like them both, a lot, they are my favorite characters and I enjoy their dynamic, but seeing how people treats them makes me feel like staying away from this fandom was a good decision... sasuke and sakura relationship is actually wholesome... I don't understand why everyone is so obsessed with making them seem like they are miserable with each other? Is because they think they would have chosen someone better for them? As if sasuke and sakura didn't have other options , they just didn't want to.... idk i feel like people take this shipping stuff too serious. sasuke having a family again is nice :/ even sasuke fans trash him, "bad father", "bad husband", like damn, i thought yall liked him?, is really sad. Also, is like, they hate sakura so much they don't care if they also end up trashing sasuke in the way of it. Just because he is with someone they didn't want to doesn't mean he is unhappy , how miserable are they? The fact that sakura extremists have this same mindset and is because she just... didn't love naruto back? She didn't do what they wanted for her? That Kishimoto didn't make her say: "i'm going to beat sasuke up! i'm not the same anymore!" or some cringe girl boss shit?, as if sakura would ever do something like that to him. Some sakura fans dont even understand her character, they just use her for ships and sadly they don't understand sasuke either. And he is only a prize (this happens with every sasuke ship tbh). But is funny because... sakura also is a prize for a lot of shippers that hate sasuke. SS gets in the way of so many people.... maybe that's why they are so hated. man, sorry for the ranting but since 2014 they are on the same discourse.... like damn, this naruto shit was really serious after all lol ..After seeing all this i still don't think i could ever hate SS anyways... is the antis and their fans that actually suck.

A long rant, but yeah I can certainly see your points.

[shipcestuous]

There has been some ongoing discussion about Chris and Cathy’s relationship in the books. (All posts with commentary about their relationship are in this tag.) The relationship is controversial and we’re not all going to agree and that’s OK. I don’t want to participate in or facilitate a debate because that’s not what I want to focus on, but I recognize there aren’t really any other great places for that to happen, so I apologize that I can’t be a better host for that. I appreciate the interest and the participation. I’m going to answer the most recent asks I received on the topic, and if anything else comes in, it will be added to this post instead of posted as a new post. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts.

Anon:  No hate to the anti-chris anon, i also appreciate the respectful way they disagreed, and i have no dog in the fight personally, but i thought it brings up a bit of a funny concept to me that an incestuous pairing needs to be declared as toxic when most people would consider the fact it is incestuous to be toxic enough, like, we kind of have to grade on a curve here, lol. In most cases, especially with canon incestuous couples, it is going to have some aspect of their relationship be "toxic", because the people that are making this content are afraid to show a loving, happy and healthy romantic relationship between relatives, that doesnt have a tragic backstory, like being abused and neglected, that as a result, encourages their forbidden love. Or at least it makes normies feel better about the fact that it could never happen in real life, except in these super specific dysfunctional situations. Its very rare for these characters not to have toxic traits, such as being controlling, jealous, violent, or straight up criminals if the pairing is canon and not just imagined, but we take what we can get in that department. And i personally enjoy some angst, its part of the appeal to me, but the darker parts (i.e m*rder and r*pe) i am able to dissect from a pairing i like and just pretend it doesnt exist in my head canon, especially in the cases where there is a tragic ending, because otherwise it'd hamper my enjoyment severely. Not to mention, these are fictional characters, i dont necessarily think we need to apply real life judgement on them, yes they are toxic by real world standards, but thats why they end up together, if they werent abused and neglected, they probably would have ended up with "normal" lives, and the ship wouldnt even exist, its just the nature of how incest shipping goes. 

You’re very right that most content creators are afraid to show loving, happy, and healthy romantic relationship between relatives. Even independent content creators are reluctant. Even if they’re not afraid of backlash, it’s like there’s this fear that it’s inferior because it’s unrealistic or something like that. Ironically, it’s the edgiest thing you could do. 

There are going to be two different kinds of fans - those who are willing to “grade on a curve” (I like that analogy a lot) and those who aren’t. I have nothing against those who have to approach it objectively, but as someone who has suffered through so many ships that have gone sour or ended in ways beyond saving, I’m definitely prone towards being forgiving to the few that aren’t as bad as the others or taking what I can get. 

I also think it’s OK to ship something as if some event or whatever had never happened. It’s basically just an AU fanfic in your head. 

@sassybisquit:  So, I have to say something in response to the anti-Chris anon. These books are not romances. They are, all the way through the fourth book, primarily about how victims become villains (while still remaining victims) and various consequences of that and trying to work off the bad you've done and not pass on the bad way you've been treated. And still failing. That's the plainest way I can say it, and I'm annoyed I have to. That's all I'm going to say, besides the fact that I don't think Chris was bad for Cathy or treated her badly (besides the very important plot-wise, but not romantic, rape). But everybody can have different opinions, which is great.

FITA gets marketed as a romance sometimes, but in my mind, it’s in the horror genre. 

I do think that VC Andrews - and as a result, Cathy - puts the blame for the sexual assault on what was done to Chris and not as much on Chris himself. And readers are going to approach that differently. Authorial intent is a whole debate unto itself. 

[communistkenobi]

sorry for sending this and getting involed while everyone else is being a dick about it. please dont think i agree with them.

but i do want to say that like. the genital preference thing is just like, a preference. like some people prefer to have sex in certain ways and thats not always possible with a given person's anatomy. i dont think its like a moral issue to say like for example "i like eating pussy but i prefer not to suck a dick" because those are two different things? and it doesnt necessarily come from transphobia either, i think theres more nuance than that.

there are plenty of reasons that someone might prefer a given set of genital traits (idk how to phrase that) like some people vastly prefer sucking a dick and thats great and fine and someone without that wouldnt be able to satisfy them in the ways they want to

like it will ofc get transphobic if there are assumptions about a persons anatomy based on whether theyre trans. like "i wouldnt have sex with a trans woman bc i dont like dicks" IS transphobic. but the statment "i dont want to have sex with a person with a dick" is just, a preference. the transphobia, i think, comes from the given assumptions about what trans bodies look like, both before and after surgery, thats where the political and social implications of genital preference come in. well that and the set of sex acts that people assume are possible with any given genitals.

wrt the sex acts thing like i, a pre bottom surgery trans guy, can have piv sex using my dick, which people would not think given the political and social implications of having a vagina. i think at a certain point blanket statements dont cover it and you would be Much better off confining it to specific sex acts and discussing with a person beforehand.

ftr i dont think cis people use the term genital preference acceptably and we should absolutely take that phrase away from them. but that doesnt make the term itself transphobic imo

I guess I’m just not willing to give this line of argument a lot of credit given how deeply this conversation is entrenched in (especially transmisogynistic) transphobia. I do not think it is possible to fully extricate yourself from cis-heteronormative ideas about bodies when talking about genitals in general.

And to be clear, I agree with you in the sense that I think moralising all aspects of sexual desire can lead to really bad conclusions - my stance on this issue is not predicated on the fact that I think all sexual desire and sexual expression is indicative of some underlying moral principle (ie the notion that BDSM or kinky sex means you love abusing people, or that engaging in group sex means you’re needy and self-centred, etc), because I don’t believe that and I think that can quickly lead to reactionary ideas about sex. But I am unwilling to cede rhetorical ground to “it’s just a preference” not because I think it’s impossible to prefer certain styles of sex over others - or even certain genitals over others - without attaching grand moral values to those preferences, but because of how deeply violent and malicious these ideas are so often expressed in the world. There is a dedicated slur for trans women that is premised on the fact that they have “the wrong” set of genitals, and by “pretending” otherwise (ie by being women) they are “tricking” men into finding them attractive or having sex with them. Because genitals are synonymous with gender by societal standards, because their presence and absence within gendered spaces are so deeply policed, because trans people having the genitals we have is itself seen as a criminal act (“concealing” our “true nature” for “nefarious” purposes) as well as evidence of the fraudulence of our humanity, I am extremely reluctant to entertain casual conversations that conclude with “well it’s just a preference.” Like, okay, maybe it is! But when I see that articulated in ways that frame some genitals as universally “repulsive” or disgusting, both of which are aesthetic assessments with very loaded (even if unintentional) moral judgements, transphobia alarm bells start going off in my head. Trans people are existentially dislocated from public spaces because our genitals determine access to basic necessities like bathrooms, changing rooms, dressing rooms, and the like - we do not belong because we are trying to enter gendered spaces with the “wrong” genitals attached to our bodies. Because access to public spaces is gendered, and because that gendering process is mediated through your genitals, it’s not just our identity being called into question but our ability to be human beings in public space. Our genitals are the site of metaphysical societal anguish over the nature of gender itself. Those are some pretty high stakes!

If someone prefers some sets of genitals over others, that is not an automatic comprehensive condemnation of their moral character vis a vis trans issues - it is, however, if the way they articulate that preference is indistinguishable from transphobic rhetoric, and if you step two paces in any direction you will encounter crowds of people doing just that.

[afuckingsystemsthoughts]

we've seen a lot of people with DID and OSDD hate being a system. most of us dont hate it per se, its more of the bad parts we hate. i, host, suffer much more mental pain from other disorders we have, not just DID- thats probably the smallest part. for us, our biggest cause of mental pain is bpd and denial of trauma/our posttraumatic disorders- so what were about to say will probably sound biased.

also a note, i only suffer the really dramatic drastic disorienting dissociation everyone with DID online complains about (and claims they have 24/7) only half the time or less. most of the dissociation i experience as host is dissociative amnesia, theres not a day i dont experience that but its usually of the past ill never remember or milder forms like "oh i did that? hm dont remember" "oh they said that? i only remember the interesting parts of the conversation and i cant even remember it verbatim", or emotional/mental detachment and emotional numbing (especially if my mood is too unstable), and staring off forgetting what to do or not knowing how to do it and having to mentally yell at myself

now, for the parts of having DID id absolutely get rid of right now and never want back.

i hate when im trying to do something, i wanna do it alone, i wanna have privacy, wtv. and boom, an alter suddenly appears out of nowhere invading the front. i dont wanna be rude to them because theyre a part of me and more than likely a trauma holder or protector i wouldnt be here without, but i want to have some privacy in my own head. have some things just to me. i am annoyed, i know they feel that. and for that, i feel guilt. for being annoyed by the presence of someone else inside my head, and the guilt gets even worse if its a little, understandably, or a trauma holder whos been through enough rejection already, or a protector who i wouldnt be alive without. i have to show common courtesy to a large group of selves inside my own brain, every second im awake. and that gets tiring. no wonder im always so mentally drained.

having to work around what alters want. this often goes hand in hand with them randomly intruding the front. ill be in the clothing aisle, just to get a simple grey shirt- and an alter will come out when they see a shirt they like. if i refuse to get it, they might feel hurt, and ill feel guilty. and if i look through a whole clothing aisle, more than one part will come out and make me feel drawn to the different clothing they like (sometimes a few alters making me feel drawn to a few different clothing styles at once) i get a headache from that and dont like how i feel pulled into many different directions by my own brain. (id experience that before i even knew what plurality was or really knew my alters or even remotely felt plural and it caused me a lot of mental pain and headaches)

feeling like a stranger to myself now because i realize how much i was a stranger to myself, i didnt even know i was abused, and i didnt even know a lot of things i did. and feeling guilt for not knowing i was a stranger to myself for most of my life. i should have known but i didnt. i was too dumb to pick up on the clues that someone inside me ran away with my body and my life. theres even small things i didnt know about myself i discovered years later. example, i didnt know i asked for a get-well card for a doll when i pretended it was sick until i discovered it about 8-10 years later. and theres big things i never knew. some of these things were people. when i was little, i was around people i should remember, i was around them enough. but when i see them again in 2019, i think its the first time even stepping foot in the place, and seeing the people. i only knew that i knew them when i was little because i was told that in 2019. i also dont remember an entire year, minus a small snapshot memory. i cant be sure if the memories i think i have of it are real. which leads me to the other part about DID i hate and if i could get rid of only one part of it, this would be it.

the dissociative amnesia (mostly of trauma) and its effects. i dont remember majority of my early childhood, and i only remember about half of my mid childhood, maybe a tad more than half. the memories i have, its like im watching an eerie, dark tinted movie of myself. i dont remember being abused in any of the memories before around 8, and very few are of me being unhappy. i think to myself, "if i was abused, id have memories of it or be unhappy." i didnt feel anything. i just... existed. no feelings, maybe an artificial happiness, but no feelings outside of that. its like i was a robot in control of my own actions. i tell myself i dont have trauma and im just holding onto the "impossible possibility" i was abused as a small child as an excuse for being this way "because i cant accept i was born broken, i dont have an excuse to be this way." then, someone comes along who explains to me what i did in the memories when i was little and throughout my entire childhood was a sign of abuse, and i feel valid and confident about myself because im reassured im not born broken scum, but then i realize that means someone violated my body and ill never know who did first, how old i was, where it first happened. and ill never know what all my body has been used for either. then ill feel disgusted with my body and want to escape it or self harm. and i live with a person who flip flops between being emotionally abusive/manipulative and being nice and shes used my dissociative amnesia against me before, used it to say things didnt happen and the memories were planted, and to say i did things i didnt do. other people used my dissociative amnesia against me before too. but the most painful part for me, is im stuck in a vicious, mentally draining cycle- feeling like my trauma isnt real and hating myself because i feel like i was born broken, just wanting to know i was abused, then i find out and i feel uncomfortable in my body, i cry, i feel alone because the only people id allow myself to seek comfort from arent around, and sometimes self harm.

for me, im fine with being a system. i wouldnt trade most of my alters or the memories weve made together since i found out i had a system and met them. they taught me what family really is. they taught me what community means. its the parts that make it disordered id gladly get rid of. sure, we want our own bodies, id like them to have their own bodies too, but im fine with them just being in my head when theyre not intrusive.

DID isnt fun, but it isnt always living hell 24/7. not for every DID system. not for us. but its still not "friends in your head" and even when you are friends with some of your alters they can still intrude on you when you want to be alone and you'll still have the distress from having DID. its not always fun but its not always hell.

[nightmaredxydreams]

the effects of early childhood trauma are different for everyone. its not always the stereotype "i feel so shattered, useless and hate myself because of my trauma. i remember everything and im the innocent whiny victim"

i disprove some popular false beliefs about early childhood here:

instead of "i feel broken beyond repair because of my trauma" its usually "i feel broken beyond repair because i dont remember my trauma. " if you have all these mental disorders and traits commonly or exclusively in people with trauma, but remember none of that, thats gonna cause some serious denial and self hate. that denial isnt "i dont wanna remember my trauma because it makes me broken! " but more of "i need to remember my trauma to know i have a reason to be this way. i dont wanna be broken but if i know i have trauma it will fix all that. "

instead of "i remember all of my trauma! i am crippled by vivid flashbacks!" its usually "i dont remember any of my trauma or i remember very little, and what i remember doesnt seem bad. i have no reason to be this way. what is a flashback even like?" but flashbacks can come in "oh wow, well that was a weird intrusive thought" e. g. tactile sensations from trauma or brief flashes of images. and because you dont remember the trauma, that makes it seem even more like intrusive thoughts and the flashbacks get brushed off. just because you dont experience the vivid crippling stereotypical flashbacks doesnt mean you never had a flashback, since no one else will say it i will- flashbacks are a spectrum.

instead of "i know my abuse happened. i know its not my fault. im a proud survivor" its more of "i dont think my abuse happened, and when i believe it happened i think its my fault. i am not a survivor or a victim, i am a pretender. " having early childhood trauma hidden will cause a lot of impostor syndrome like symptoms- but instead of being about your abilities and deserving your accomplishments and praise, its more of not thinking you have trauma because you dont remember it, thinking the trauma you remember isnt really trauma and youre "sensitive", and that youre faking being abused, cptsd, etc. you feel like an abuse victim impersonator instead of a real victim, and i think the media stereotypes are to blame. the abuse victims that know their abuse happened are usually abused as teens or adults and then they feel shame instead of pride. they feel like its their fault and they couldve stopped it. in reality, it takes years for any abuse victim to feel like its not their fault and lose the shame. the "proud survivor" is more of an act than a belief. and often the "i remember my trauma" is an act or a paraphrase for "i know my trauma because parts discussed it in therapy and my therapist told me, but i dont remember it myself. "

instead of "i have nightmares about my trauma" its usually "wow i have disturbing dreams every night. sometimes i have nightmares. but oh well dreams are supposed to be weird so what? " but being disturbed by how weird these dreams are isnt normal. weird dreams that are disturbing are often a symptom of cptsd and these dreams dont have to deal with trauma.

instead of "i have mood swings because of my trauma and everyone notices" its more of "my emotions are a rollercoaster and i dont know why. i am angry then happy then sad but the weird thing is, it doesnt feel right, i dont feel like its me and i can easily hide these mood swings. " dissociated emotions from the trauma or for DID/OSDD alters emotions cause that.

early childhood trauma does not look like the late 1970s blond housewife with "multiple personalities who are very obvious" and tears on her face, the firstborn child abused by her father who has severe difficulty functioning because she remembers the trauma. it has many faces and many manifestations. all are valid.

[micahdotgov]

21/22/23/24/25/13 for dr who? :)

woah this ended up longer than i thought it would be i'm putting it under a break. thank you for asking!

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

okay keep in mind im saying this as someone who hasn't finished classic who yet so i may change my mind but im afraid i dont care that much about gallifrey and time lord society... i definitely prefer it when the doctor isn't involved with the time lords i thought it would be exciting finally seeing gallifrey but i dont care about it as much as everyone else seems to

22. your favourite part of canon everyone ignores

im actually not sure what to answer for this one i think every part of the show i like i see talked about by the people i follow i think im in too much of an echo chamber to answer this lol

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

this is going to sound crazy to all of you but its thoschei and specifically tensimm. i know. i was originally a die hard ten/jack fan who did not like simm!master i have ancient posts about thinking tensimm shippers are freaks i dont know what the fuck happened. ig i woke up one day and was like nvm this rules i love pain and misery and i never looked back

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

thankfully i dont see dr who discourse fairly often and when i do its just like. people arguing about clara. but i have seen some crazy discourse about amy abusing rory???

25. common fandom complaint you're sick of hearing

"chibs is bad and thirteen was bad and the timeless child was bad" two of those are very much true but ive reached a point where its like okay guys i get it you all hated everything made in the past five years but we've said all there is to say lets move on

13. worst blorbofication

lately i have been seeing a increase of woobifying simm!master and its driving me a little crazy to put it simply some of you do not want him to be an evil crazy murderer and are pretending he is a completely different character so you feel okay calling him babygirl

[fictionfreedom]

hi. i dont know how to really start this but like. i guess i present myself as being against radqueer stuff / pro para stuff. like outwardly. but if we're being honest i feel like im probably one myself. i feel stuck. everyone who knows me i think is not okay with this stuff. basically ive just been supressing things this entire time. i dont know if its good to live that way? i guess it sucks to know that honestly a lot of people would hate me a lot for who i really am and how i really feel. i dont want people to attack me but like. i feel kind of... fascinated with the para community? like. i wont lie ive followed quite a few people in this community in secret but otherwise just suppressed it. the recent callout stuff thats going on this website though is like... it feels like its bringing stuff up. like obviously i dont agree with like acts of abuse but like. ive been breaking down a lot suddenly about seeing people who are similar to me getting harassed for things that i feel too. like i suppress it and pretend to be anti i think because i just want to survive. eveyone says like its the more moral thing to be against this stuff because its bad and gross and only bad and gross people feel that way. i dont think im bad and gross? i mean sometimes i feel that way. but like, my attractions dont feel gross in the moment. i only feel that way when im beating myself up for thinking about them. i feel like i still want to otherwise keep them to myself outside of this anon but it hurts honestly to see people who i like talking about how it makes someone a bad person and that you deserve harassment for it. i dont know if it woild be helpful for me to be open and prideful like everyone else. i dont want to be hurt. but i want friends or something that wont hate me forever or even ruin my life because i feel the way i do. i mean ive tried to stop feeling aroused and attracted to the things i do. ive tried but obviously i cant stop it and it's probably uneraseable. wtf do i do?

Wow that's a lot for an ask. I don't quite know if I'm good at giving advice but I'll definitely say this: You are in no way a bad person for these feelings, and the fact you even feel bad about them in the first place proves that. It is not a thing you can necessarily stop unless it's a trauma response, and even then most people have to go through therapy just to get close to stopping those feelings, and even then that's usually just dealt with through finding ways to have an outlet for harmful paraphilias such as certain kinks and whatnot so that they aren't actually harming anyone, such as roleplay and whatnot or through means of fiction. I will still say it's best you don't identify yourself as a Radqueer, as most Radqueers are well known to be Pro-contact which means they are fine with people acting on things like pedophilia and zoophilia outside of a roleplay/fiction scenario. If you feel that you want to express your paraphilias and whatnot to other people, even if those people aren't your friends but rather just a good community, I'd suggest looking around on here for servers and whatnot, but again I suggest avoiding radqueers and any places that say they support anti-recovery people. You may HAVE to interact with Radqueers or radqueer-type things to find stuff about different labels and whatnot, but besides that I still say avoid them or interact with them in a careful context. It absolutely isn't a good way to live, suppressing these things and beating yourself up over it, and even if you just continue to vent or talk about these things anonymously it's still a good thing to talk about. You are not a bad person for feeling or thinking these things, no matter how you feel about them, and the only thing that can make you a bad person in this situation is if you act on them in a non-fictional/roleplay scenario.

If anyone else has advice for this person feel free to put it in the comments/reblogs, and I will personally be deleting anything rude or hurtful towards this person as they are obviously not doing well mentally because of this stuff.

-Michael

[moodr1ng]

like prev post is one example i happen to be talking about for once but ig what i mean is like. every little small inconsequential thing that my mind could turn into "you look suspicious right now", that i could possibly suspect means someone thinks poorly of me (w no evidence of that whatsoever), that i can possibly twist into somehow being about how Everyone Secretly Hates Me And Thinks Im A Liar And A Fraud, i will. the most minor things. every day of my life. i am plagued by a constant fear that everyone thinks im always lying, that everyone is always suspecting me of Something, all the time.

every time i go to the pharmacy to pick up my completely normal mental health medications i think "the pharmacist thinks im a malingerer whos faking mental illness to try and get drugs". when they ask "thats two boxes right?" im terrified of saying "yes", even though yeah, my prescription is for two boxes of these meds, bc if i say "yes, give me two boxes and not one", its gonna be confirmation that im a liar whos just trying to get more meds. even though thats. literally just what im prescribed.

its like that about everything. i have to overperform truthfulness at all times, because just knowing im telling the truth isnt enough, i also have to convince everyone else that im telling the truth, all the time, because Everyone Always Thinks Im A Liar in my mind. if i, like, tell a friend on discord "going to bed now!" and then while getting ready for bed i make one last post on tumblr like 5 minutes later i think "my friend is gonna see this and think i lied about going to bed and that i was trying to avoid them on purpose because im a bad friend". if i tell someone about a condition i have i assume they doubt i actually have it and think im lying for attention. if i tell people im bigender and they react with total acceptance i think "theyre actually thinking im obviously just a binary man who is lying about being bigender so i can intrude upon women in some way, but they cant say it bc they dont want to look transphobic". if i tell people about abuse i suffered as a child and they react with horror and compassion i think "theyre thinking im making it up or exaggerating so i can get pity, theyre just forced to pretend they believe me to not be rude". if im having a mental health episode and someone is concerned about my well being i think "they think im doing this on purpose and putting on a show to force them to take care of me". and if i try to tell my therapist about symptoms im experiencing i think "he thinks literally everything i say about my mental health is a lie i tell so i can get on disability and get meds, so i have to hide part of my symptoms from him because the less i tell the less suspicious i am". i literally cant discuss this very belief w my therapist because i am convinced that if i told him "im constantly terrified that everyone, including you, thinks im lying about everything so i can get attention or some other benefit" he would think "ah, my liar patient is claiming that hes afraid of being seen as a liar to throw me off his scent. this is actually more proof that hes lying, hes laying down the precedent that hes not a liar in order to cover further lies".

all the time. all the time. and i cant make it stop. and i cant talk about it because i think anyone i tell about this is going to think "ah, yes, The Liar is insisting shes not a liar, which only a liar would do". i literally think anyone reading this very post is going to think "youre talking about this too much, youre trying too hard to come off as truthful, obviously youre trying to cover up your lies, in fact this very post proves you do lie about being mentally ill and abused and you lie to your therapist to get drugs and you probably stole that girls bonnet too, everything you say you didnt do is just a preemptive cover for having done it".

but well. if i keep refusing to talk about it im only feeding it. because the more i avoid talking about it to not trigger it, the more i reinforce the idea that "if i talk about it, everyone will turn against me" as legitimate. so, whatever, i guess. im just very tired, you know. i wish it would stop sometimes. i wish i could trust that anyone regards me in good faith. i think it also sucks of me to assume the worst out of everyone like this - to just think everyone is out to get me or always regarding me in the worst possible light. idk. i just wish i could make it stop. ill make an effort to finally tell my therapist tomorrow. but idk if ill have the guts yet.