#and abusers dont and just like to pretend everyone else is just as bad

[furiousgoldfish]

'hurt people hurt people' you're saying that once someone's been hurt, all they know how to do is hurt others? Anyone who has been abused is now bound to become an abuser no matter what, because they've gotten hurt? People who are hurt are now brainless hurting machines and can't be expected to do anything else but hurt others?

If any of this was true the victims of abuse would be out there destroying the rest of humanity. Instead we are often exploited, used, retraumatized, stuck in toxic friendships/relationships, all while putting our best efforts into being kind and understanding.

Hurt people hurt people is bullshit. You can get hurt and harm nobody in response. It's what we've been doing for all of our lives. There is nobody too stupid to grasp the concept of not hurting others due to personal suffering. Hurt people hurt people is abusers excuse mantra. Most of us find zero reward in casting harm towards others.

[ableedingpromise]

God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????

[snekdood]

welp, at this point if anyone in the crowd of Bad Faith People Who Stalk Me And Hate Me Bc Of Someone Else's Compulsive Lying tries to accuse me of antisemitism bc i have a vampire whos a villain in my comic, i'm gonna ask them what their take was on allll of this going on. if its anything like "israelis and/or zionists are all evil people" then ik i never have to take their opinion seriously bc they dont even know what antisemitism means.

[chaifootsteps]

Thinking about the “look at me and think you’re the only one I want” exchange again. It felt like a command. And the strange “don’t touch the pretty thing” musical lyric in the background. How bizarre? Are both of them (the writer and the story boarder) pretending they are stolas and blitz is an imaginary ex boyfriend? I wouldn’t be surprised.

This was made by Vivzie and R2, this is how the two of them see “love.” and breakups.

Blitz asked what stolas sees in him. Why he’d want to be with him or care about him, how anybody could. Stolas i think, doesn’t have a kind bone in his body. He argues with him at his most vulnerable point, by mocking everyone in the party as ‘stupid’ and tsundere. Saying that wanting blitz dead means they ‘cared’. Then of course he goes into his diatribe of his own desires, which could be met by anyone. Stolas sings “i want you” then says “I don’t want you here.” But how mentally torturous for Blitzø, constant mixed messages and torment. Exactly what he just asked stolas not to do. He can’t stop tormenting him; making “concerned” sarcastic comments on his past failures, acting as if he’s unapologetic, saying he won’t go to the party but…maybe he might~, you don’t like relationships? Well what are you doing here then?~ Everything blitz said about the owl was 100% factual. All Viv and R2 could come up with to disprove it was “then stolas cried and blitz felt bad so that makes blitzs words wrong”

Stolas then and now is incapable of giving blitz so much as one compliment. Fanfics make them up. He just said “be…who you are, your business!” Incredibly empty compared to what loving things Asmodeus said of Fizz. And the former is supposed to be the grand love story. Oh but insults? Stolas could go on for hours about what he doesn’t like about blitz: he doesn’t always come when I call, I hate how short his texts are. I hate his horse obsession. I don’t like when he questions me, I hate when he doesn’t notice things, I hate the way he talks, I hate having to explain things to him, I hate how he crushes peoples feelings, I hate that he is a remorseless mother fucker who refuses to desire me. I like how he performs in bed and on stage though. It pleases me. And I like that he pissed off my bitch wife.”

Summarising

Stolas: i want you

Blitz: why?

Stolas: —let me finish. I want you to desire me. Cause I care deeply for you.

Blitzø: But how could anyone care for me? Why want me?

Stolas: yknow what i want? i want a man to stay with me and hold me. I dont want you if you don’t do that. Go away.

Blitzø: i can try?

Stolas: look at me. And think “you’re the only one i want”

Blitzø: (follows his orders)

Stolas: someone else wants me?! Can I go?

Blitzø: fine…

For stolitz shippers the takeaway is, Blitzø wants to be the figure stolas is dreaming about, because he doesn’t want stolas to be sad, and he doesn’t want stolas to verbally abuse and replace him so he’ll do whatever the bird wants.

This is a trauma bond. Not love. If I was someone excited for a love story, I’d be immensely disappointed.

Love stories are fun and trauma bond stories are fun, but trauma bond stories presented as healthy, romantic, desirable relationships are the worst. I used to be so excited to see the love story between these two, and instead we just have Stolas getting exactly what he wants -- a kicked, beaten dog on a golden chain.

[3liza]

the Jason Genova/Del Rey Misfits story (ongoing) hasn't really gotten outside of bodybuilding YouTube despite several attempts (aborted Netflix show etc) but I think beyond it being a typical "being famous on YouTube usually fucks people up" situation theres a b-plot about the medical abuse of disabled people.

I found out recently that Genova is on monthly injections of long-acting haloperidol, a truly brutal first-generation antipsychotic that causes uncontrollable appetite and weight gain, neurodegeneration, akathisia and dystonia (this was prescribed to him on top of an active tourettes diagnosis which seems unlikely to have made it better). now despite his level of cognitive disability, Genova is a bad person to whatever level of "bad" a person can be blamed when he's got to be around 50 IQ, and level 2 autism, and I certainly dont like him, so this isn't a defense of his behavior. autistic people can be taught empathy and consideration if anyone bothers. so i think his mother absolutely fucked this kid up. but whatever doctor put this kid on monthly haloperidol is either 90 years old or incompetent or both because the only thing that will do for someone like Jason is make him sleepy (and thus easier to control) . people who take antipsychotics typically are constantly fighting brain fog and usually seek out stimulants to stay awake, just like Jason does.

so the antipsychotic weight gain and compulsive eating of junk food (I've personally experienced this with seroquel and it isn't something you can control even with full cognitive function. I used to get up in the middle of the night to eat sugar out of the bag) was being treated as laziness and lack of discipline by the Misfits and the fanbase the entire time. this is normal in bodybuilding, it's part of the culture. it was a cornerstone of the "plot" tension, Jason's "inability to commit" to weight training and cutting. none of his supposed professional coaches or trainers ever address this or consider what piling pre workout into a disabled kid on psychoactive drugs was going to do, and while it's possible they were never informed of his medical history they absolutely should have asked, and with Jason's known reputation as a compulsive liar , they should have double checked until they got a straight answer. Jason's mother enabled Jason to drive by himself, and of course he got into a half dozen serious accidents, injuring himself and god knows who else. this is mostly treated as a joke in the series. and that's kind of a different issue, how the boomer attitude towards disability of just ignoring it as much as possible and pretending the disabled person is average causes just as many bad outcomes as low expectations. Jason many times angrily denies being autistic, or minimizes it as barely diagnosable, when five seconds looking at him shows anyone with any familiarity with autism and other developmental disorders that the only reason he isn't in a care setting is that his mother is in denial and his friends don't have the background to see how bad it is.

it's clear that everyone involved is aware that Jason is "slow" but it's also clear that all the competent adults consider severe disability to be shameful and most of them seem genuinely unaware of the fact that Jason isn't just kind of a goofball who needs a good talking-to, he's developmentally delayed, cognitively struggling at all times to follow basic social interactions and conversations, is borderline illiterate, and has no impulse control. he's also constantly stimming both voluntarily and involuntarily in a way that interferes with his dexterity. he shouldn't have internet access or a smart phone, he shouldn't be allowed or enabled to use preworkout and especially not steroids and research chemicals.

and over the years he is documented, he degenerates badly in a predictable way, becoming more and more incoherent and impulsive. it's basically a moneymaking franchise centered on a profoundly sick man who is being medicated in a way that causes more monetizable outbursts and brain damage leading to compounding eccentricity, which is fairly common in bodybuilding even with participants who start out with average function and ability.

so what the fuck. I don't have a conclusion for this other than the level of dysfunction is impressive, and the amount of the exploitation that does genuinely appear to be occurring ignorant of the full extent of Jason's handicap. Jason really reminds me of the boyfriend I just kicked out, who wasn't nearly as disabled but had many of the same issues, just less severe. and people around him (also a white man) just assume he's a little goofy, and that his expressions of confusion or inappropriate comments are intentional jokes and not times when the masking isn't fully working.

[jazzyblusnowflake]

mini update yay-

so lets see, ill start off apologizing for being dead- exam season is around the corner and the only good thing about that will be that i will no longer have to teach or design papers- so i can probably draw a bit again, hopefully at least- so i WILL get back to the requests yall have sent me i promise uwu💕

tho bad news comes in the form of my school principles and viceprinciples bullying me because im a newbie, saying im not good at my job and putting their shortcomings as my fault because who wouldnt like to blame someone else for something they werent able to do- and i feel like the abuse im taking in this toxic environment is convincing me slowly to quit my job and start risking less stable jobs even if it means being my daddies little house girl again for a while. 🙄 at the very least even if im leaching off my parents i still actually HAVE somewhat decent parents and thats not something alot of people could say and im greatful for that.

the audacity was well shown when the principle went on the teachers meeting and was like "some of the teachers here who i will not name dont know how to do their job-" and then told me that i only got my job cuz my dad is rich [which yeah sure my daddy studied 4 years of uni and then credited me sure mmhmm makes sense.] and honestly i feel like im surrounded by 50 year old toddlers-

overall, learning to adult is difficult and im glad some people are helping me figure out how to put together a resume and apply for jobs and all that.... but i guess the next bad news comes in the form of us leaving for russia. i dont hate seeing other countries but having my life uprooted immediately after work ends and summer starts and selling off the car and putting stuff in boxes and yeeting ourselves via plane to live somewhere else for the next 4 years in pure isolation is not something my mental health is gonna be haha about. esp since im gonna have to talk to my therapist and doctor to give me enough meds for me to be able to search for another doctor while im there to give me similar treatment. ughhhhhhh.

overall i feel like i have reached a lovely level of ✨️no longer giving a shit about existance✨️ and thanks to some friends i was convinced juuuuust enough to reconsider ending myself :) in my defense, google was getting annoying for only bringing up hotlines =_=

my eyes cant see well anymore due to constant crying and emotional numbness has taken over me, so i apologize if i may seem out of it or a lil blunt at times when im talking lol i no longer have the energy to PRETEND and hold a mask to seem SOCIALLY appropriate and in this last month of school im gonna be making it everyone elses problem at school.

but other than that im looking forward for school ending so i could just sleep for a while without waking up BEFORE my alarms at 5am.

ok lets see what else uhh... my bday is on 19th and i pray to lord nobody makes a surprise party for me here, the anxiety of being in crowds is already kicking me in the ass im not ready to pretend to have a social battery ugh.

okay thats it mostly, i think.

i actually made this update MINI get it? :D

...ill show myself out...

[noxiatoxia]

Can you give komahina (toxic yaoi?) headcanons

lemme see here. this is hard bc i dont necessairly have ~komahina~ headcanons i just have headcanons for komaeda and hajime it really has nothing to do with them as a ship;. but uh

ok so here's one. long winded. but i think from what we can gather about hajime he was a bit of a loner child. his parents didnt seem to gaf abt him. so i think he does get attached to people easy. tbh sdr2 was like a miracle scenario in some ways bc there's this guy who has little to no friends (be he never goes out of his way to make them) and then hes stuck with 15 other people his age and he's like i guess i'll talk to them what else can i do....and turns out everyone desires him carnally. tbf he's able to match ppl's freak and he's just good at listening (or pretending to listen) so this makes him popular. so its like ohhh ok we're friends now. hajime is that kind of guy who if he talks to someone once he calls them his friend. but like everyone IS actually his friend. anyways i think if hajime goes a long time without talking to someone he knows he starts to get a little nervous like if its been 1 whole week and he has not even exchanged small talk with like idk mahiru he's like "something is Critically Wrong" so then he'll go find her and be like "hi hows it going". its like disrupting his routine or whatever. i think the time periods for "how long hajime can go without talking to this person" varies depending on the person obviously. like with hiyoko it's like. they don't interact much so if it's been a week and a half he'll be like ohhh ok...maybe i should say something to her....but someone like kazuichi it's like. 3 days hasn't spoken to him once he's like Where Is That Mother Fucker.

this is all to say when it comes to komaeda in a komahina scenario it's devastating bc if he does not see komaeda in a while he gets fucked up abt it in like his anxiety/ptsd spiral his first thought it KOMAEDA IS DEAD. HIS LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then hes like banging on komaeda's cabin door and shit like KOMAEDA. PLEASE.PLEASE. and komaeda is like um hi. flip side: komaeda is also very much like this but with people he's close-close with bc if he does not see hajime in like three days he's like HAJIME IS DEAD. MY LUCK GOT HIM KILLED. HE KILLED HIMSELF. and then he also goes crazy so they have to at least be makin small talk every day to ward off the demons....

as for like. TOXIC YAOI headcanons idk........anything in the chapter 4 area would be bad. i think. i have read so many hate fucking doujins in the chapter 4 time period. while dat all doesnt seem very canon to me (i just dont think hajime be doin all that. nor komaeda really) i see the vision. kamukoma was probably unhealthy on both sides if we want to go there. but like komahina. idk . 1) my brain is fogged up rn so it's hard to think you can ask again later if you desire but 2) really they aren't all that toxic like outside of a killing game environment. komaeda tends to keep to himself and hajime tries to understand people. so like. hajime is very much a "if it sucks hit da bricks" kind of philosopher so if komaeda was being a detriment to his health and he DID have a way out then it's not like he'd stay. hajime does put his foot down when things get too much. (if komaeda was a woman tho she could abuse hajime and he wouldnt gaf #mikanislandmodeending #hiyokoislandmodeending ) but see again komaeda wouldnt be doin all that. i cant see him intentionally hurt hajime post sdr2 canon, at most unintentionally toxic/unhealthy but again i thinnk hajime would in that case try to help him out like couples therapy style or something. WHERE AM I GOING WITH THIS. im bad with headcanons it seems.

[nerves-nebula]

A year ago, I saw that you were getting confessions from people about their sexual abuse, and you didn't seem to mind, and I have not been able to stop thinking about it since. I have been thinking about sending one of my own for a while now ( nearly did once! But my phone ran out of charge just as I was about to), but I kept backing out. Recently started a word document mapping a timeline of events that is currently over 3K words long (which is kinda ridiculous considering my trauma is pretty minor compared to most people's). I dont know if I'll ever send you the contents of that word document (kinda lot to dump on someone, and even with the shield of an anon ask I worry about someone irl finding it and recognising me... somehow), but I have been, well, not enjoying it per se, but it has helped to write my thoughts down, pretending that I'm saying them to somebody else. I'm just not in a position to tell anyone what happened to me, and I dont know I'd I'll ever will, but that's just life, I suppose.

aaaaaye cheers to thatttt. congratulations! or i'm sorry! whichever you like.

tbh i'm like the least affected by the abuse that went on in my household so don't feel too bad about it being pretty minor shit. nothing all that terrible even happened to me, i'm just a self obsessed weirdooo.

anyway, while i certainly don't MIND how many people felt comfortable sending me asks just to have a place to put it out there, i certainly don't miss it. i just don't think i can help people, i'm more like a brick wall that goes "wow that sucks. congrats for recognizing it tho!"

in fact i think there's a really long ask someone sent a while back that i forgot to respond to. it was like a whole year ago by now, and it's kind of lost cuz tumblr on my laptop doesn't let me see all my old asks for some reason. which i feel bad about, but i did read it! i read them all!! its just that some deserve more than a "wow that sucks" so i wanted to give them more time. ironically the ones that deserved more of a response were the ones that didn't get one. oops!

point is, i'm happy to be your sounding board, or i guess in this case your silent imaginary friend haha. but i'm not good for much more than that. i'm glad you sent me this tho, whenever i get something like this it makes me wonder how many more people have a similar situation going on but just didn't feel the need to send me an ask about it or somethin. for everyone who's told me there's gotta be like, idk, at least one other person who was shy or who doesn't vibe with sending anon asks like this haha.

[sneppu]

uhhh idk lily thoughts (I'm about to spew critical rambling bullshit, big sorry. these things are my badly worded opinions and nothing else.)

thinkin bout how my feelings for Lily are so complicated tbh.. in canon, I cannot like her. I just can't. The disconnect between what the narrative tries to tell us about her and the reality of who she is and what she does are just too jarring to me. for all that she's meant to be a paragon of virtue and goodness, her actions and choices come across wrong and off and bad in a way that is visceral to me, as someone who has been bullied and sexually assaulted myself. And to clarify, I'm not talking about her breaking off her friendship with Severus; she had every right to do that, and I dont think I've seen a single Snape fan actually seriously state otherwise - but because she *knowingly and deliberately chose to get with an abusive bully.* That she and Snape were no longer friends is irrelevant to me. I understand not everyone feels this way, and that's fine. But It's important to me, and so it carries weight to me. The implications are just too offputting to me, and yes, I am biased. Snape is my favorite little guy, after all. I dont pretend otherwise. To each their own, and she, as written in canon, is certainly not for me, historical context and location be damned.

So i can't like her in canon. If anything, I cant help but feel acute resentment for her character, because it feels almost like betrayal to be told "here is a perfect and good person" and then get.. that. Ironically, I would like her a whole lot more if the narrative didnt try insist on her goodness and instead was just like "actually, ngl she was kinda shitty sometimes. questionable as hell. she was a bit of a gremlin and a little bit fucked up" because then it would feel honest. she would no longer feel like a hypocrite to me, and then those moments of kindness would carry more weight, would feel more meaningful. Her actions would be more believable, would feel more nuanced and I would maybe even love her.

...and that, ultimately is what my problem with her is. she has all the potential to be such an interesting character, but she instead falls short of being a full character at all. it's not her fault; this is a jkr skill issue (and her portrayal of female characters in general leaves A Lot to be desired.), so in the end i'm not too pressed.

its exactly why i like Lily so much more in the context of fanworks. Canon lily? offputting. An incomplete character. but fanfic lily? such potential! she could *actually* be the good person she was meant to be and make different choices or at very least have reasoning that makes more sense! or she could go a new direction entirely and be an absolute gremlin menace alongside Snape and in the process, add more interest and nuance that way! all of these things are enjoyable, and for this reason i cannot say I truly hate her - because I do love her so so much when people make her their own and make her make sense, to do her justice and preserve what - i think - would have been that spark that brought Severus and Lily together in the firstplace - whether it be genuine kindness, or a friendship based on being able to relate to one another at a deeper level, on having that shared weirdness together, or even both things! (that's not to say I love every portrayal; and sometimes there are pet peeves, but they do not ruin the character for me in that scenario, for the simple reason that in these fics she *IS* ultimately a full character, which is more than what can be said about canon lily.) ... and that's the joy of fanfics and fanart and creation, isnt it? that you can make your own ideas come to life, put things together in a way that makes sense to you, and see how others would make a these stories and characters come to life. its why I can despise the marauders in their canon, and yet ship everyone of them with Severus given the right scenario. it's why I can dislike snily in the context of canon, and see their relationship as purely platonic under that lens, and yet wholeheartedly ship them otherwise in the context of fanfics and fanworks. It's why when I say i ship Severus Snape with literally everyone I can truly and genuinely mean it. Because I do. I think theres always room for a scenario, for a characterization, or AU, to allow for it. Fiction is a lovely and magical thing, and it ultimately exists for enjoyment, for entertainment and creativity.

anyway, idk if i worded this wrongly or weirdly but tldr: I dislike and am put off by canon lily, but I love what lily can be, what she could be, what she SHOULD be, I love what fans are able to do with her, I love what I wish she was.

[abreathingrock]

Hi it's me, the third (?) of three rtc fans with any knowledge of Irish hahah

I'm so interested in ur rtc oc so would u drop the lore?? I love seeing Irish people involved in the same fandoms as me bc let's face it most of us are bastards so it's kind of unusual

WOWOWOW HIII!! It so cool to see rtc fans with Irish knowledge, especially when they take interest in my oc (I love her so much)

Strap in, I have a lot

Grew up in a gaeltacht region in galway (like Connemara type) so shes fluent(ish) in irish (i literally wish so bad)

Her parents were STINKY and were super mean, like, abusive and shit, it wasnt great for my girl

Went to a #catholicallgirlschool so naturally was bullied asf so she REALLY wasnt having fun

Had one friend who is yet to be named and they hung out together all the time, did a bunch of stuff like pierced eachothers ears, got

tatoos, burned shit, mostly illegal stuff (this is how she got arrested)

Sam and her friend would always talk about running away to Canada, it was their dream, but before they could her friend had to move away to a bording school in Dublin

This affected Sam BAD and caused her to go into a horrible space mental health wise and ultimately caused her to run away

When she got to Canada, she had stolen and exchanged a bunch of her parents money (cus she doesnt care about them and hates them) and bought the absolute cheapest place she could. A two room (kitchen/living/bedroom + sperate bathroom) apartment in Uranium City

She enrolled herself in the local school in a very illegal and fake fashion and took a uniform from lost and found cus ofc she did

She stayed low mostly in school until she met a certain Ukrainian "bad boy", Mischa Bachinski and they became the besties ever

They did most of the stuff she did with her old friend, but this time she was having more fun and felt more free due to not living with her parents and not being in that stupid ass school

Her and Mischa bonded over missing their countries (despite the horribleness Sam faced there, she still misses Ireland a whole heap) and she is the only person who believed Talia is real

Sam ends up in choir because she helped Mischa steal the wine and they sit in the back on Mischa's phone playing games, texting Talia (when they could, yk, timezones), taking dumbass selfies, etc

Mischa helped her become herself a lot more and she loves him like a brother and will kill anyone who speaks against him or hurts him. They both agreed if they ever met eachothers parents it would be on fucking sight

Ocean fucking hates Sam. Cant stand her. She thinks its insane how little she cares about school and is dumbfounded by her punk ideologies (she cant wrap her around head it, shes a little silly <3) She rants to Constance about how she needs to care more and Constance just nods and pretends to listen meanwhile she's in awe of her bravery to be herself and get away from her home.

Noel ends up taking a liking to her because he talks to Mischa sometimes but they dont really interact.

Mischa thinks shes "madwickedawesome" and "the dopest person ever, yo!!" He is the only person who knows about her old friend and the fact she had bad parents, but barely knows the half of it. He encourages her to be who she is and Sam loves him so much, theyre so bestie I cant

Ricky wishes he could talk to her because he also thinks shes pretty cool, but obvously he cant :(( She talks to him sometimes, which he appreciates, but its mostly just complaining about Ocean being annoying in choir when she tells her to get off Mischa's phone

On the day of the accident, her and mischa wander off most of the time, going on some of the rides, but staying off somewhere else most of the time. They come back to ride the cyclone because everyone else is and they both agree rollercoasters are fun.

In the afterlife, she stays talking to Mischa mostly, but begins to talk to Noel and Ricky too.

Her and Ricky end up bonding over cats cus theh both love them, and she hypes him up like crazy after SABM with Mischa

She is infatuated with Jane Doe and thinks shes cool as fuck, even if shes also pretty creepy, and tries to talk to her sometimes

Her song is...something. it starts off with her refusing to sing and Karnak being like "you have to" and begins to force a song onto her. Its chaotic and not at all how Sam wants, being a bit like TSIA.

Sam eventually is like "fine, I'll sing, but Im doing it my way you fucking bitchass machine" and her song is about being conflicted with herself, loving being open about being punk and doing all her illegal stuff, but she loves writing and poetry, something shes never told anyone even Mischa. She sings about feeling like she's always been doomed to be unhappy, always be unsatisfied with her life and missing Ireland despite her horrible life there.

She opens up about her shit parents and her old friend and after her song Mischa gives her a big hug and its cute asf :c

She, after the song, becomes more like her true self and the other choir members are all like "dam shes fucking deep" which she enjoys quite a bit

She bullies tf outta Ocean the whole time, but during its not a game she holds her hand and smiles at her for like the first time ever

Sam also talks to Connie in the afterlife and tells her to drop Ocean etc

Her and Ocean are like siblings, Sam fucking hates Ocean but if someone is rude to her the next day that person shows up with a mysterious black eye

sorry I went on a bit lol

[mr-danger-to-my-sanity]

Legend of Da Yu'er / Legend of Xiao Zhuang (2015)

In my desire to watch everything Liu Xueyi has been in that I can find, and mixed with a dash of "I watched this so you don't have to", I'd like to introduce you to Ezhe, the biggest asshole on the Mongolian plains. When looking for more pics from this show I came across a weibo post where someone said "all the worst things a man can do in a drama was given to him", and they're not wrong. This is him.

The basic premise of the show is the life of Da Yu'er, the most beautiful woman in all of Mongolia who lives an unfortunate parallel to Helen of Troy in that she is desired by men who go to war over who should have her. Ezhe is one of them.

(Trigger warning for abuse & sexual assault)

We first meet him at the marriage tournament of our female lead, princess Da Yu'er of the Khorchin tribe. Ezhe is the prince of the Chahar tribe who is confident he will win the horse racing and archery contest, but doesn't hesitate to threaten his fellow competitors for good measure. And for most of the tournament he is winning! Until the Jin Emperor Huangtaiji who has been a spectator thus far, decides to throw his hat into the ring and beats him in the last race, claiming Da Yu'er as his concubine. Ezhe claims that this was all set up ahead of time and is an insult to his tribe to be played like that, setting himself up as an antagonist for both the Khorchin tribe and the Jin Emperor.

(Dont let the wispy lock of hair fool you, things are about to get BAD)

The Khorchin leader offers Ezhe a marriage with Da Yu'er's cousin which is accepted by his father, but Ezhe is HORRIBLE to his new wife for the sole crime of not being Da Yu'er. He strangles her, threatens to torture her for his own amusement and kills her blind mother by pushing her headfirst into a wall. Eventually she has to pretend to be crazy just to get him to leave her alone.

But a truce marriage isn't enough for Ezhe or his father, both of whom think their tribe should be at the top, so they lay siege to Khorchin, only to eventually retreat when the Emperor sends reinforcements.

He disappears for a few episodes only to come back and attack Khorchin again, this time taking their leader (Da Yu'er's grandfather) hostage, and will only exchange him for Da Yu'er, regardless of the fact that she is now the Emperor's favourite concubine. He settles for initially exchanging her grandfather for the male lead Prince Dorgon (the Emperor's brother and the man that Da Yu'er actually loves) to be his hostage instead, threatening to kill Dorgon if Da Yu'er isn't handed over in 3 days.

Ezhe also knows about the weird love triange between the Emperor/Da Yu'er/Dorgon and taunts Dorgon about it at every opportunity. When the deadline is up for the exchange/execution, Da Yu'er shows up at the last second and agrees to his demands only to trick him and run off with Dorgon, leaving Ezhe with a knife to the hand and an even bigger rage boner.

Several episodes later it is now 6 years since Ezhe lost the marriage tournament (and we know this because he keeps harping on about it). Da Yu'er is travelling through the region to escort a new bride back to the palace when their carriage is ambushed and they are kidnapped by Ezhe. Even Ezhe's father thinks this is a dick move but can't convince Ezhe to release them.

(Dad saying what everyone else is thinking)

Ezhe threatens to kill the extraneous woman plus Da Yu'er's cousin who had tried to help them flee, forcing Da Yu'er into tearfully agreeing to marry him. They have a quick wedding offscreen before he drags her to the marriage bed, but he is thwarted by too many layers of clothing which allows enough time for Dorgon, Da Yu'er's brother and some guards to rescue her, and Ezhe is forced to retreat again.

(Have some insufferable smirks for getting this far)

After the death of his father, Ezhe becomes the leader of the scattered Chahar tribe at the same time the Jin Empire is in the process of fighting back the Ming Empire. To save having to fight wars on two fronts, the Jin Emperor sends Dorgon to make a truce with Chahar, inviting them to surrender and assimilate into the Jin Empire. Ezhe naturally refuses and battles with them instead, even poisoning the lake to weaken the Jin army, but in the end is still outnumbered. Ezhe agrees to meet Dorgon to surrender but uses the meeting as a last ditch attempt to kill him, but is captured and his mother surrenders on behalf of the Chahar.

The Jin Empire is successfully rebranded as the Qing Empire, and as the leader of the Chahar, Ezhe is given a title and a ministerial position. He can now mock Dorgon with impunity and waltz around the palace and follow Da Yu'er to his smirking little heart's content. He doesn't even care that his first wife has become the Emperor's newest concubine, or that the Emperor had betrothed him to another princess for the sake of unity, he only cares about Da Yu'er. He looks for every opportunity he can to point out that she is technically his wife since they had a wedding and invites her to run away with him. When that doesn't work he sneaks into Da Yu'er's palace and tries forcing himself onto her, chased off by her maid smacking him over the head with a paperweight.

The next time he attempts to forcibly consummate his dubious marriage, Ezhe drugs Da Yu'er and manages to get shirtless before the Emperor and all of his guards descend on the bedroom and finally drag him off to prison. Even in prison Ezhe is defiant and mocks the Emperor to his face for wanting to only exile him and not kill him, declaring that he is happy to die for love. But he doesn't go without a fight, breaking free from his restraints and fighting the Emperor's bodyguard before turning his blade on himself to insist on Da Yu'er's innocence.

(Totally understand the desire to chain him up and strangle him.)

Ezhe: "It is distinguished and admirable to die for love. I will be elegant and unconventional if I die this way."

~~~

(It was here where I stopped watching because I thought he was dead and then wrote the following:)

Can I make any case for positives? He genuinely mourns the death of his aunt and his father. He obeys his mother when she surrenders, and appears to treat his sister well when they're in the palace. And despite never caring what Da Yu'er wants, when the Emperor catches them together and sets to punish her for adultery, Ezhe takes full responsibility and pleads to the Emperor not to punish her.

So... he's a romantic, if in a very twisted way? Oh good gods this probably the way people romanticize real life serial killers. At least Ezhe is a *fictional* asshole.

~~~

But this behind the scenes picture of Liu Xueyi in a costume I hadn't yet seen prompted me to watch further and lo and behold, the Emperor called for the imperial physician to save Ezhe's life, and he was in a coma and being cared for by Dorgon (of all people). When he wakes it is 9 months later (to coincide with the birth of Da Yu'er's son and the rumours of his parentage). Ezhe is weakened so much that he has lost his martial abilities and the Emperor chooses not to punish him any further in order to keep the peace. Ezhe relays his gratitude to Dorgon for his caregiving and his apologies to Da Yu'er for hurting her. He even tries to turn away his fiancee, calling himself a "wicked sinner" but she sticks by him and he begins to reform his ways.

For the next 14 episodes he disappears off the screen until it's 6 years later and the Emperor is dead. Dorgon (now the Regent for Da Yu'er's Emperor son) comes to visit Ezhe, who has been living a quiet life outside the palace with his wife and son, spending his time reading holy books. Dorgon invites Ezhe to join him in battle against the last of Ming army to which he readily agrees.

Under Dorgon's command, Ezhe leads an elite team of soldiers to pretend to be allies and mislead the enemy, helping the Qing army close in the ranks around them. Side by side with Dorgon he fights the last Ming General into retreating into the woods. Ezhe protects Dorgon by diving in front of the general's guandao/polearm, spitting up blood but not conceding. The enemy general slices off Ezhe's right arm at the shoulder, but Ezhe grabs the polearm with his left hand and proceeds to beat the general back with a series of mighty kicks until Dorgon captures him once and for all. The adrenaline of the fight gone, Ezhe hits the ground like a fallen tree, and Dorgon cradles him in his dying moments. Ezhe has finally paid back Dorgon for saving his life and is happy to die a dignified death on the battlefield after being weak for so many years, with one final request.

With his last breath, does he ask for Dorgon to say goodbye to his wife for him? To look after his son? To bury him next to his father in the Chahar plains? No, Ezhe's last dying words, true to form, are "Take good care of Da Yu'er for me."

(Thats the end, congrats, have some battle scowls.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes on his reform: Ezhe does end his arc in a lot better form than he began, but it was still very self centered. When he woke from his coma, his gratitude and respect was for Dorgon to whom he apologised for the hurt he'd caused. It was only after Dorgon pointed out that he'd hurt Da Yu'er the most that Ezhe asked Dorgon to pass on his apology to Da Yu'er too. No mention at all of the torment he put his first wife through, or how he endangered his own people on many occasions for his own desires. He throws the fish back into the pond when fishing because the fish "is a living thing", but is still wishing he had the strength to fight back when the Emperor's son insults his pride. Although his wife and son appear to have a happy life when we briefly see them, Ezhe refers to his domestic life as his time "being weak" and eagerly riding off into battle. And his dying words? Take care of Da Yu'er "for me." She's the bloody Empress Dowager at this point, but he's still thinking of her through the lens of his association with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Would I recommend watching?

For the story? It's a palace drama with a very soap opera vibe, which got a little much for me so I only skimmed through it to keep up just enough with the plot. I liked the main characters but was not as invested in them to keep watching after Ezhe died, but it certainly wasn't boring at any point.

For Liu Xueyi? If you've read this far then you're at least aware of the godawful shit Ezhe does and if you want to see him glare and smirk and fight his way through the show with a curly wig and some big jewellery then go for it. He's a great antagonist and his fight scenes are really quite good. (And if you only want to watch the episodes he's in, I can give you a list).

This was a surprisingly bigger role than I expected it to be for his second drama, and could very well be his OG Asshole character (I haven't found his first drama yet so can't attest to his character in that) so if you've ever wondered why he gets cast as assholes as often as anything else then this might just be the reason why.

This show is listed on MyDramaList as The Legend of Xiaozhaung, but I found it with English subtitles on YouTube as The Legend of Da Yu'er.

Costume Gallery:

[madara-fate]

I haven't been in this fandom for years now, and i wanted to check out this again and wow, is still the same. I feel like, is okay if people don't like sasusaku, i can even see why (everything was wrapped very quickly at the end). But to say that real sasuke fans shouldn't support sasusaku, or that if you really love sasuke you should hate sakura is a reach. I understand if people think he was wronged by the narrative and he deserved better, but this fandom treats sakura worse than the villains. If sakura was really a bad person, sasuke would have just .... choose someone else. She was just in love with a boy who was really traumatized and in pain. She wanted the best for him, is not a big deal. Is sakura a flawed character? Yes, she is. But so is sasuke and i still love him because i can empathize with him and see how much he was suffering. They both have a lot of good and bad things. I also can understand if people don't like sakura, but why is her hate always about sasuke? "she should have moved on", "she abused him", "she doesn't deserve him". Like, why is bad loving someone.. everyone in naruto is allowed to not move on from someone, but she has to. For her character to be better, she needs to stop loving sasuke. The hate that sasuke get is from people who pretend they care/like sakura too. Like, is okay if people don't like the canon couples, that's totally fine. I'm not a fan with a lot of things after 699 either. But, the fact that a lot of people think that you can't be a real fan of a character because he ended up with someone you don't like is ridiculous. SS couldn't have happened and i wouldn't care, sasuke would still be happy with other person and i would be happy for him. That's all I ever wanted for him. Same with sakura. Can they just let it go? More than 10 years and fans have made it all about shipping. that's.... the only thing they care about. There's so much more about sasuke and sakura than them being a couple. I like them both, a lot, they are my favorite characters and I enjoy their dynamic, but seeing how people treats them makes me feel like staying away from this fandom was a good decision... sasuke and sakura relationship is actually wholesome... I don't understand why everyone is so obsessed with making them seem like they are miserable with each other? Is because they think they would have chosen someone better for them? As if sasuke and sakura didn't have other options , they just didn't want to.... idk i feel like people take this shipping stuff too serious. sasuke having a family again is nice :/ even sasuke fans trash him, "bad father", "bad husband", like damn, i thought yall liked him?, is really sad. Also, is like, they hate sakura so much they don't care if they also end up trashing sasuke in the way of it. Just because he is with someone they didn't want to doesn't mean he is unhappy , how miserable are they? The fact that sakura extremists have this same mindset and is because she just... didn't love naruto back? She didn't do what they wanted for her? That Kishimoto didn't make her say: "i'm going to beat sasuke up! i'm not the same anymore!" or some cringe girl boss shit?, as if sakura would ever do something like that to him. Some sakura fans dont even understand her character, they just use her for ships and sadly they don't understand sasuke either. And he is only a prize (this happens with every sasuke ship tbh). But is funny because... sakura also is a prize for a lot of shippers that hate sasuke. SS gets in the way of so many people.... maybe that's why they are so hated. man, sorry for the ranting but since 2014 they are on the same discourse.... like damn, this naruto shit was really serious after all lol ..After seeing all this i still don't think i could ever hate SS anyways... is the antis and their fans that actually suck.

A long rant, but yeah I can certainly see your points.

[snekdood]

oh, and of course, how 'believe victims' only seems to apply to people yall like.

ill say for me, as a guy, even tho it might be a bit different since im trans, im being repelled by the left bc a lot of them are assholes.

[shipcestuous]

There has been some ongoing discussion about Chris and Cathy’s relationship in the books. (All posts with commentary about their relationship are in this tag.) The relationship is controversial and we’re not all going to agree and that’s OK. I don’t want to participate in or facilitate a debate because that’s not what I want to focus on, but I recognize there aren’t really any other great places for that to happen, so I apologize that I can’t be a better host for that. I appreciate the interest and the participation. I’m going to answer the most recent asks I received on the topic, and if anything else comes in, it will be added to this post instead of posted as a new post. Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts.

Anon:  No hate to the anti-chris anon, i also appreciate the respectful way they disagreed, and i have no dog in the fight personally, but i thought it brings up a bit of a funny concept to me that an incestuous pairing needs to be declared as toxic when most people would consider the fact it is incestuous to be toxic enough, like, we kind of have to grade on a curve here, lol. In most cases, especially with canon incestuous couples, it is going to have some aspect of their relationship be "toxic", because the people that are making this content are afraid to show a loving, happy and healthy romantic relationship between relatives, that doesnt have a tragic backstory, like being abused and neglected, that as a result, encourages their forbidden love. Or at least it makes normies feel better about the fact that it could never happen in real life, except in these super specific dysfunctional situations. Its very rare for these characters not to have toxic traits, such as being controlling, jealous, violent, or straight up criminals if the pairing is canon and not just imagined, but we take what we can get in that department. And i personally enjoy some angst, its part of the appeal to me, but the darker parts (i.e m*rder and r*pe) i am able to dissect from a pairing i like and just pretend it doesnt exist in my head canon, especially in the cases where there is a tragic ending, because otherwise it'd hamper my enjoyment severely. Not to mention, these are fictional characters, i dont necessarily think we need to apply real life judgement on them, yes they are toxic by real world standards, but thats why they end up together, if they werent abused and neglected, they probably would have ended up with "normal" lives, and the ship wouldnt even exist, its just the nature of how incest shipping goes. 

You’re very right that most content creators are afraid to show loving, happy, and healthy romantic relationship between relatives. Even independent content creators are reluctant. Even if they’re not afraid of backlash, it’s like there’s this fear that it’s inferior because it’s unrealistic or something like that. Ironically, it’s the edgiest thing you could do. 

There are going to be two different kinds of fans - those who are willing to “grade on a curve” (I like that analogy a lot) and those who aren’t. I have nothing against those who have to approach it objectively, but as someone who has suffered through so many ships that have gone sour or ended in ways beyond saving, I’m definitely prone towards being forgiving to the few that aren’t as bad as the others or taking what I can get. 

I also think it’s OK to ship something as if some event or whatever had never happened. It’s basically just an AU fanfic in your head. 

@sassybisquit:  So, I have to say something in response to the anti-Chris anon. These books are not romances. They are, all the way through the fourth book, primarily about how victims become villains (while still remaining victims) and various consequences of that and trying to work off the bad you've done and not pass on the bad way you've been treated. And still failing. That's the plainest way I can say it, and I'm annoyed I have to. That's all I'm going to say, besides the fact that I don't think Chris was bad for Cathy or treated her badly (besides the very important plot-wise, but not romantic, rape). But everybody can have different opinions, which is great.

FITA gets marketed as a romance sometimes, but in my mind, it’s in the horror genre. 

I do think that VC Andrews - and as a result, Cathy - puts the blame for the sexual assault on what was done to Chris and not as much on Chris himself. And readers are going to approach that differently. Authorial intent is a whole debate unto itself. 

[communistkenobi]

sorry for sending this and getting involed while everyone else is being a dick about it. please dont think i agree with them.

but i do want to say that like. the genital preference thing is just like, a preference. like some people prefer to have sex in certain ways and thats not always possible with a given person's anatomy. i dont think its like a moral issue to say like for example "i like eating pussy but i prefer not to suck a dick" because those are two different things? and it doesnt necessarily come from transphobia either, i think theres more nuance than that.

there are plenty of reasons that someone might prefer a given set of genital traits (idk how to phrase that) like some people vastly prefer sucking a dick and thats great and fine and someone without that wouldnt be able to satisfy them in the ways they want to

like it will ofc get transphobic if there are assumptions about a persons anatomy based on whether theyre trans. like "i wouldnt have sex with a trans woman bc i dont like dicks" IS transphobic. but the statment "i dont want to have sex with a person with a dick" is just, a preference. the transphobia, i think, comes from the given assumptions about what trans bodies look like, both before and after surgery, thats where the political and social implications of genital preference come in. well that and the set of sex acts that people assume are possible with any given genitals.

wrt the sex acts thing like i, a pre bottom surgery trans guy, can have piv sex using my dick, which people would not think given the political and social implications of having a vagina. i think at a certain point blanket statements dont cover it and you would be Much better off confining it to specific sex acts and discussing with a person beforehand.

ftr i dont think cis people use the term genital preference acceptably and we should absolutely take that phrase away from them. but that doesnt make the term itself transphobic imo

I guess I’m just not willing to give this line of argument a lot of credit given how deeply this conversation is entrenched in (especially transmisogynistic) transphobia. I do not think it is possible to fully extricate yourself from cis-heteronormative ideas about bodies when talking about genitals in general.

And to be clear, I agree with you in the sense that I think moralising all aspects of sexual desire can lead to really bad conclusions - my stance on this issue is not predicated on the fact that I think all sexual desire and sexual expression is indicative of some underlying moral principle (ie the notion that BDSM or kinky sex means you love abusing people, or that engaging in group sex means you’re needy and self-centred, etc), because I don’t believe that and I think that can quickly lead to reactionary ideas about sex. But I am unwilling to cede rhetorical ground to “it’s just a preference” not because I think it’s impossible to prefer certain styles of sex over others - or even certain genitals over others - without attaching grand moral values to those preferences, but because of how deeply violent and malicious these ideas are so often expressed in the world. There is a dedicated slur for trans women that is premised on the fact that they have “the wrong” set of genitals, and by “pretending” otherwise (ie by being women) they are “tricking” men into finding them attractive or having sex with them. Because genitals are synonymous with gender by societal standards, because their presence and absence within gendered spaces are so deeply policed, because trans people having the genitals we have is itself seen as a criminal act (“concealing” our “true nature” for “nefarious” purposes) as well as evidence of the fraudulence of our humanity, I am extremely reluctant to entertain casual conversations that conclude with “well it’s just a preference.” Like, okay, maybe it is! But when I see that articulated in ways that frame some genitals as universally “repulsive” or disgusting, both of which are aesthetic assessments with very loaded (even if unintentional) moral judgements, transphobia alarm bells start going off in my head. Trans people are existentially dislocated from public spaces because our genitals determine access to basic necessities like bathrooms, changing rooms, dressing rooms, and the like - we do not belong because we are trying to enter gendered spaces with the “wrong” genitals attached to our bodies. Because access to public spaces is gendered, and because that gendering process is mediated through your genitals, it’s not just our identity being called into question but our ability to be human beings in public space. Our genitals are the site of metaphysical societal anguish over the nature of gender itself. Those are some pretty high stakes!

If someone prefers some sets of genitals over others, that is not an automatic comprehensive condemnation of their moral character vis a vis trans issues - it is, however, if the way they articulate that preference is indistinguishable from transphobic rhetoric, and if you step two paces in any direction you will encounter crowds of people doing just that.

[android-anathema]

I'm terrified of people abusing me. i like when people are pathetic and controllable because it makes me feel safe. i like being in control, and yet more than that i want to be utterly helpless. the possibility of being hurt terrifies me to the core but the promise makes me blush. the idea of being controlled makes me feel disgusted until the control becomes overt and intense enough. and i often wonder, aren't i sick of these things? so why do i want them? i think the answer lies in what i want not looking anything like what ive experienced. its much more overt, and slightly more intense. ofc also i need to feel like i trust a sadist but even still. why desire it? i dont believe it comes from trauma. the idea of wires getting crossed seems insufficient and like i should have a fetish for insecure dweebs that are terrified to admit when they hit me and desperately want me to reassure them theyve done nothing to hurt me. crying and begging and screaming if i seem upset about getting molested and not having the nerve to rape me in a normal way they could conceivably gain pleasure from (who the fuck uses a stick???) but like i dont like someone with no capacity to emotionally manipulate me hurting me in the lamest ways ever and what i do like feels like it isn't even meant to be an idealised or romanticised version of this trauma. it actually mostly reminds me of play fighting with my friends at school. in which I'd often lose and they taunt me about it and act mean in a way that seemed genuine but like they were only pretending to care for the fun of being above someone. and it feels like I'm safe with someone strong enough physically and mentally to do this. if trauma factors into it i think its in the sense of being desensitised to violence and deeply desiring a feeling of safety and wanting to feel like my existence is being enjoyed and desired in the kind of way that comes most when its controlled or owned by someone else. but that's an escalated natural human need to be liked and enjoyed and used. everyone wants to feel like others get something out of them, even if theyd feel embarrassed rather than warm and fuzzy at the idea of it being called what it is, being used by others. so mostly i think its that the desensitisation to violence means i can want it at an extreme many couldnt stomach or wouldnt consider. but desensitisation is sort of the opposite of trauma, so thats not really 'this comes out of trauma ' so much as 'this and trauma share some root causes but evidently its not too related cos masochists have a pretty typical distribution of traumatic histories as a class of people'

which does in fact point to trauma being just as contradictory to my masochism as it felt. but that only feels bad when viewed through this expectation people have of masochism as a way to relive trauma. whether thats people saying "people use kink to cope" or saying kink is like just abuse victims feeling lost and confused when theyre not being abused. that isn't something i think is true for me at all but it is kind of hot. kind of like saying I'm well trained to be a good victim. one of the books my therapist mentioned says thats a thing some CPTSD sufferers do (no source cited) and honestly it sounds like they had to be writing that with one hand cos you cant convince me that's anything but just some fetish shit. but if i take it seriously it scares the fuck out of me cos i get scared I'm turning into my mum for real. but i think for her she's like fully bought into being helpless and needing to be controlled even though she hates it while i just want it for fun and cos free will is boring even if i am the best ever and everyone should do what i want forever. its like a self respect thing. she terrifies me cos i can totally see how one would have their self respect eroded to tolerating this kind of abuse but if i seek out things that are superficially similar i think that's a part of my self respect and a kind of positive affirmation that I'm worth being wanted in that way. its the opposite kind of 'i deserve this'