#and a new outfit is a sign of healing :)

[overlyimmersed]

Guys! I did it! It's been so many days, but here we are!

A mannequin that is specifically Helbram!

From now on, all the clothes I design for Helbram will be on this :)

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐢 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐀𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐬 (𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 & 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐅𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝)

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously. 18+

Methodology: Traditional and Whole Sign

Placements:

Leo Sun

Cancer Moon

Sagittarius Rising

Virgo Venus (retrograde)

Scorpio Mars

Is He A Fuckboi?

6/10

People who have a Virgo Venus can enjoy having sex without feelings involved so Mingi probably can be a fuckboi but his Cancer Moon would intervene and he would become emotionally dependent on you very quickly.

His Sagittarius/Jupiter influence means he has a high drive like super fucking high he can go all day if he had the opportunity.

So, I feel in his horny moments he could just fuck a random stranger but afterwards or when it's out of his system, he'd probably feel bad or low-key guilty about pursuing sex if there's no 'feelings' involved.

Red Flags:

Mommy Issues! Mingi is a huge Mommy's boy and he's mentioned in the past about how his relationship with his mother is the most important to him.

This is EXTREMELY common in men who have Cancer Moons and they usually grow up with a mother who 'babies' them and have a borderline codependent relationship with their mother.

So you might struggle with being accepted by his family and consistently fight for approval or validation from the women in his family.

Green Flags:

Your No 1 Support Person! You will feel like you haven't experienced as much support and hype energy from your loved ones like the support you'll experience from Mingi.

He will be devoted to you and worship you and do whatever he can in his power to ensure your life is easier and more enjoyable whenever you're with him.

Whilst Mingi is a high-maintenance partner, his presence as a boyfriend would have a healing impact on you and life will fill like a more positive experience when you're with him.

Ideal Type: If He's Into Women (Which I'm Damn Sure He Is)

Personality Traits:

Extroverted!!! He has a 5th House in Aries so he is attracted to women who are loud, outgoing, extroverted and are not afraid to speak up about their needs.

Mingi is someone who's a constant over thinker so he needs a partner who is okay with being upfront about what their needs and expectations are of him, it's why he has a strong friendship with Yunho because Yunho tells him what to do and he does it.

Protective!!! He really is low-key looking for someone who will embody a 'mother' role and ensure he feels safe, protected and cared for all the time.

If you look at heaps of fancalls with Mingi, the ones where you can tell he's invested in the Atiny are the ones who lead the fancall and just basically hype him up and froth over him.

Physical Traits:

Here's the Link to a fancall with an Atiny where he explicitly says 'you're my type' and you can TELL omg he looks like he wants to devour her in those remaining 30 seconds.

A feminine/girly aesthetic with a slight emo/punk twist combined with a masculine attitude is the best way to describe Mingi's type physically.

If you don't want to click the link, he says word for word to the Atiny 'look so amazing, black (he did say that but the Atiny muted it), and dark, and your accessory and outfit is so beautiful...yeah my type'.

The Atiny later revealed she's British and Dominican so the rumours of Mingi being attracted to women who are of a different ethnic background are probably true (a win is a win).

Sub, Switch Or Dom?

Mingi is a switch with a submissive preference and the only member of Ateez who has a submissive preference and would fall into the category of being an obedient and needy/clingy sub.

He has an 8th House Moon and these people are NASTY in the bedroom usually so his partner would have to be open to trying new things.

In a dominant position, Mingi would become a soft/service/pleasure dom and would probably still need a lot of reassurance even if he's taking the lead.

And men with a Scorpio Mars are the type to fuck and love passionately so whilst he's not a degrading/mean lover...he wouldn't necessarily be a gentle lover either because he struggles with verbally expressing his love for you so he's going to ensure you know he loves you in another way.

Which usually manifests in him fucking you so deep your hips bruise, legs are shaky and there's an ache in between your thighs the next day.

Speaking of thighs...

Kinks: (Just A Few)

Ass and Thigh play!!!

Mingi is an arse and thigh guy all the way, he loves seeing your arse jiggle as he fucks you doggy style and leave hand prints all over your cheeks.

Would enjoy a late night lovemaking session where he can hit it from the side and squeeze and play with your thighs as he fills you with his love.

He'd enjoy pulling out and covering your arse with his sticky cum, watching it drizzle down your thighs while he takes a few sneaky pics for his phone collection.

You think he's been a bad boy and want to punish him? It hurts his feelings that he can't fuck you but he'd be more than okay with pushing his dick in between your thighs and just getting off in that way.

And don't think this is just for you no honey, this goes both ways.

You riding his thighs? Using him like a personal toy just to get yourself off? He'd have to force himself from not cumming in his pants with how hard it would make him.

Scratch his thighs, smack his arse, you can low-key bite the meat of his arse and leave a bruise there and he would enjoy it all the same.

You just need to validate him and tell him how good he is, how proud you are of him, how wet he makes you feel.

'Look how wet you made me right now mmmh? You deserve a reward for being such a good princess for me right?'

On a more taboo level, Mingi could also be into kinks like anal, arse play (both giving and receiving), rimming, and I think in the right environment he'd even let you peg him.

Just ensure he receives the most immaculate aftercare, allow him to do the same to you and he'll never leave your side.

He's tied to you for life.

I won't be publishing anything in September because I'll be writing for Kinktober so pls enjoy this longer post!

It's been a struggle for me to stay motivated on here because my last few posts have flopped with receiving attention and/or interest...considering how long I have been on here.

So adieu until October!

Taglist: @scuzmunkie @marievllr-abg @umbralhelwolf @starsareseen @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @mrcarrots @junieshohoho @gyuhanniescarat @partywithgyu @whatsk-poppinhomies @hologramhoneymoon @staytinyinmybpack @necessiteez @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @berryberrytan @laylasbunbunny @bangchanbabygirlx @i-love-ateez @anyamaris @krishastumblernow @hexheathen @michel-angelhoe @northerngalxy @justaaveragereader @ja3hwa @silentreaderthings @daddysspecialdollyworld @abby-grace @wisejudgedragonhairdo @smilefordongil @writhingwrecked @hongthoven @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell

[harryslittlefreakk]

favourite crime 3

summary: harry disappears and leaves y/n in the dark. when he finally resurfaces, they struggle to heal hurt and broken hearts.

warnings: angst, brief mentions of cheating, fluff, age gap relationship, teacher/student relationship

wordcount: 5.2k

a/n: strap in its angsty!!!!! but we’re almost at the end of the back and forth now, i want my babies to be happy 😭

thank you so much for reading & supporting 🤍 masterlist | favourite crime masterlist

“You really haven’t seen him?”

You nibbled on your lower lip as you waited for Courtney to reply, rubbing two fingers over your temple.

“No, and Josh still hasn’t heard from him either. Last I knew, he was coming to find you,” Courtney murmured, smoothing a hand over your hair.

“There’s rumours everywhere,” you told her. “He quit, he got fired. You don’t think someone found out and he had to leave?”

Courtney shook her head, leaning back in her seat. “He would’ve told you. Even if it was the last time you ever spoke, I think he would’ve told you.”

You pulled your knees to your chest, staring up at the ceiling. It had been over a week since you’d seen or heard from Harry. You’d checked with Courtney every day, hoping by some miracle that he’d gone home or spoken to Josh, but he hadn’t. He’d pushed you away in his office and then fallen off the face of the Earth.

You’d typed out and deleted texts almost every hour, rushing to check your messages and missed calls as soon as you woke up every morning. Your finger had hovered over Harry’s phone number, never hitting call.

You made sure to walk by his office everyday, hoping for some sign of life, but nothing ever came. Your mind was running wild. You couldn’t help but imagine him lying in a ditch somewhere, hurt and alone. Or on the run, dramatically changing his appearance to escape law enforcement after his relationship with you had been revealed. Or worse, he simply felt he had to disappear to save himself from you.

It wasn’t until you saw a flash of brunette curls disappearing into his door that your worry turned into white-hot rage.

Your heart rate quickened with your feet, your shaking hand fumbling with the doorknob as you barged in behind him.

The blood was pounding in your ears, every muscle in your body tense as he turned around and looked at you.

“What the fuck, Harry?”

Your voice was a whisper with all the anger of a shout, the words catching in your dry throat. Your hands balled into fists inside your sleeves as Harry looked over you, barely a speck of emotion on his face.

He was no different to the last time you saw him, his outfit one you’d seen before, each line and crease on his face no different than before. But the way he was looking at you was new. He was indifferent, arms resting at his sides as he waited for words that you couldn’t form. His eyes held nothing. You felt like a stranger to him, and you willed your feet to carry you away, back to the comfort of not knowing where he was but knowing who you were to him.

But as you turned away, he finally spoke. “How long does it take you to get home?”

“Thirty minutes,” you answered, tears resting on your eyelashes as you stared at your feet.

“Then I’ll see you in thirty minutes,” Harry replied, watching you leave his office as quickly as you burst in.

—

Harry sat in his car outside your house, his hands gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles. His eyes were locked on the mirror, watching the corner of your street with a clenched jaw.

His anger simmered just beneath the surface, a volatile mix of frustration and betrayal. The minutes felt like hours as he replayed the last time he was here, stoking the fire of his anger. He was determined to hear the truth, even if it meant he would never see you again.

The second you turned the corner, his heart near stopped. You didn’t seem to notice him or his car as you approached, your eyes weary and heavy-lidded as you stared straight ahead.

Harry hadn’t paid much attention to you in his office, trying to ignore the pained furrow of your brows, the red tint of sleepless nights beneath your eyelashes, the way you looked almost exactly the same and yet so different to him. But as he looked at you then, dulled and burnt out even as the afternoon sun illuminated everything around you, his anger fell away and shame rolled through his body in a nauseating wave.

He was a grown man. With a job, a home, a life that shouldn’t involve someone in their early twenties, someone who’s education he was responsible for. You may have approached him first, but he barely thought twice before pursuing you, fisting his cock that night with only thoughts of you in his mind.

And worse than that, he’d run away. He’d backed you into a corner, fucking you, making you his, while making it clear to you that you’d never be more than a fun weekend. He’d kissed you, set up boundaries so weak that you had no choice but to push through them, making you believe that you were setting the pace and dictating what relationship you would or wouldn’t have. Then he’d backed off.

He deserved every inch of the hell he’d found himself in. Harry ran a hand through his hair, suddenly wanting to be anywhere else. He still wanted answers, but he found himself totally unfazed towards whatever the truth was. You had every right to want him to hurt.

At the sound of keys jangling in a door, he turned his head, watching you let yourself in. With a deep sigh, he followed, his legs wooden as he trudged towards the door you’d left ajar.

“Hi,” Harry murmured, slipping into your apartment behind you. He hadn’t seen it before, and it was absolutely no different than he’d expected. You had fresh flowers and house plants on almost every surface, lilies and roses in soft pinks and whites, posters and pictures dotted around the walls.

You turned to face him, dropping your bag on the kitchen counter. “Where have you been?” you asked him, your voice sharper than you intended.

You heard his breath hitch in the silence, the sound of his shoes banging as he pushed them off, his socks soft against the floor as he edged towards you. The air between you was thick, charged with everything unsaid, everything he’d been avoiding.

“I saw him,” Harry said quietly, an edge to his voice, a tightness that betrayed his restraint. “I came here.”

He’d paused a few paces away, his expression unreadable in the sunlight seeping through the window. But you could read the tension in the way his jaw was clenched, the way his hands curled into fists at his sides.

“Saw who?” you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest, trying to keep the hurt at bay. “You kissed me, Harry. And then you disappeared. You didn’t say a word, didn’t even let anyone know if you were okay.”

He exhaled harshly, running a hand through curls that looked like they’d been toyed with all day long. “I didn’t know what to say! What do you want me to say? I came here to apologise, but you were clearly already busy.”

“You came here after I left your office?” you questioned, your voice rising. “I was tutoring, Harry. I told you I was fucking tutoring.”

He leaned the wall, steadying himself as you knocked the wind out of him. In the entire week he’d been gone, racking his brains every day for some kind of innocent explanation, he hadn’t even remembered that.

He knew he was jealous, overly possessive, even over people he couldn’t claim, but this was a new low.

“I was tutoring Tommy, who’s in your fucking class and has a girlfriend. I needed to get my notes from my room. Which is where I’m assuming you saw us?” you paused for him to confirm, feeling rage wash over you like a tidal wave.

“He followed me into my room, and then we studied, Harry. At the dining table. On opposite sides.”

You ran a hand over your face, eyes screwed shut as you tried to make sense of it all.

“You don’t know how it looked,” Harry whispered, the colour drained from his face, his jaw clenched.

“You disappeared for a week. No communication, no word to even Josh. I was going out of my mind, Harry! There were rumours everywhere. You were hurt, you got fired, you got caught with a student - how do you think that felt? How that looked?”

His silence said more than his words ever could, and it made your blood boil. You took a step toward him, closing the distance between you, your heart pounding against your ribs.

“Why do you keep doing this?” you asked, your voice starting to tremble. “You took me to the lake, you suggested the weekend away. You thought sleeping with me and then dropping me was the best plan. You kissed me, you pushed me away. And now you seriously think that I’d do this?”

When he still kept quiet, eyes flitting across your face, your anger reached boiling point. You were being mean, you knew that. You’d had just as much of a hand in anything that happened, but blaming Harry felt easier.

“Do you think I wanted any of this? You pull me close, like you want me, like you feel something, and then the second it gets too much, you push me away. Do you even know what that does to me?”

That struck a nerve. You could see it in the way his face twisted, his body recoiling slightly as if your words struck him deeper than you intended. He looked at you, and for a moment, there was something raw in his gaze.

Harry stepped closer, his body tense as if he was barely holding himself upright. He pushed his head back, inhaling a deep, deep breath before looking back at you. “You didn’t want any of that?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“That’s not what I meant, Harry, and you know that. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more than I want this. But I wanted more,” you explained, turning your back on him as you tried to keep a hold of yourself.

“It wasn’t meant to be like this,” Harry confessed, pinching the top of his nose. “I don’t know how it all got so complicated.”

“You pulled the strings, Harry. You made it this way,” you replied, letting your chin fall to your chest. Nothing made sense to you. It had been two weeks with Harry, and you’d barely even spent any time with him during those weeks. Yet you were practically falling apart, sagging under the weight of the heartbreak.

You turned back to face Harry, needing him to see the hurt he’d caused written over your face.

His eyes dropped to the floor, and for a moment, he looked as though he would say something - finally actually admit what he’d been feeling. But instead, he just shook his head, his voice barely a whisper when he spoke.

“I didn’t want it to be this way.”

You wanted to believe him. God, you wanted to believe that this had all just been some misunderstanding, that he wasn’t as scared of his own feelings as you thought. But you were exhausted. Tired of the back and forth, of the emotional whiplash that had been defining whatever it was the two of you had.

“So what now?” you asked, your voice quiet but steady. “What do we do now, Harry?”

He looked up at you then, and the way he was staring, it almost felt like a plea. Like he was hoping you’d have the answer, that you’d know how to fix the mess you’d both found yourself in.

But you didn’t. And if your heart hadn’t already shattered, it would have broken at the realisation that neither did he.

The silence stretched between you, thick with unspoken things. You stared at each other, neither of you knowing what to say, both of you too scared to admit how badly you needed each other.

It felt like you were standing on opposite sides of a chasm, each too wounded and too stubborn to reach across.

“I just want there to be a reality in which we can be happy.”

You turned back to face him, willing your heart not to shatter as Harry’s whisper cut through you. It was a thought you’d rejected countless times since seeing Harry in the bar that night. Happiness in a relationship, especially at the start, shouldn’t have been so hard to find and hold on to. But for some reason, there had been trouble at every turn.

You could feel the sting of tears in your eyes, the image of Harry in front of you blurring. Your hands trembled as you reached up to wipe your eye, the dam finally breaking.

Tears streamed down your face, unbidden and unstoppable. You had fought so hard to keep it together, convincing yourself that things would get better, that they could still fix what was clearly broken. But standing there in the silence in the wake of Harry’s words, you felt completely destroyed.

Harry looked away, his gaze falling to the floor as if he couldn’t bear to meet your eyes anymore. His shoulders slumped, and for a moment, he looked as if the fight had drained all the energy out of him. “I don’t want to fight with you, y/n,” he said quietly, his voice filled with exhaustion. “I hate this.”

You let his words hang in the air, unsure of anything you can say or do to make the situation better. “I need to change,” you told him eventually, padding past him towards your bedroom.

Harry watched you leave, your arms hanging limply by your sides, your steps light despite the darkness weighing on you.

He followed after a minute, holding up his fist to knock on the door, before it falls to his side. He picked it up again, reaching out for the doorknob with tentative fingers, before completely abandoning any attempt to get you to let him in. His heart broke with how badly he wanted to be there, to ease you out of the day’s clothes and help you into new ones, to wipe your tears with the soft knit of his jumper and to make it all better. But he didn’t know how to be in your space, how to comfort you when he was the very source of your tears.

When you eventually opened the door, you tried to walk straight past him, but he reached out to gently catch your arm. For a brief moment, your eyes met, and in that instant, he couldn’t hold back anymore. Without a word, he pulled you into his arms, holding you close as your body trembled. He cradled you, his hand smoothing over your hair, the other placed firmly your back, and you stood there, enveloped in him, his scent and his touch filling the space around you, until your breathing slowed.

Once you were steady, no longer wrapped tightly around him as though he was the only thing keeping you up straight, he lead you to the sofa, his hand never leaving your lower back. You lay your head in his lap, staring straight out of the window at the setting sun.

Harry softly ran his fingers through your hair, his fingertips scratching at the roots in just the way he knew you loved. A soft smile tugged at his mouth, remembering how you’d fallen asleep in seconds after his hands found your hair. His eyes never left your face, trained on every detail as though he was worried this was the last time he’d ever see them. He watched the way your eyelashes fluttered as you blinked, noticing the faint furrow of your brows starting to smooth out after a while. The pink tint at the tip of your nose, the soft freckles dotted over your cheeks, the shine on your lower lip. You were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

After some time, you shifted onto your back, turning to face him. Reaching up with a gentle hand, you l pushed a stray curl from his forehead. "I’m so sorry, Harry. I never thought things would get like this,” you whispered, a single stray tear slipping down your cheek, coming to rest on the fabric of his slacks in a tiny damp spot.

"You don’t have anything to apologise for," he replied, his voice tender, laced with emotion.

He hesitated for a moment before asking, "Are you hungry? Do you want to shower?"

You nodded at that, feeling the weight of the past week clinging to you, suddenly desperate to wash it all away.

You sat up, your head pounding after so many tears and such twisting emotions, and dragged yourself to the bathroom.

You sat on the edge of the bath, staring at yourself in the mirror. You looked exhausted, both emotionally and physically drained in the wake of a week that had nearly broken you.

Harry followed you after a few minutes, watching from the doorway as you gathered your strength. He couldn’t bear the thought of a life without you, without the colours you’d brought into his world. He kneeled in front of you, gently taking your hand in his. His touch was soft, tentative, as if he was afraid he might break you further.

“Let me take care of you,” he whispered, his voice soft. His thumb brushed over your knuckles, his gaze pleading for forgiveness, for the chance to make things right.

You nodded, too tired to protest, and that was all Harry needed. He tugged on your hands to make you stand, his hands soft and steady as he undressed you. There was a tenderness in the way he moved, a quiet determination to show you that he was still there, and that he wasn’t going to let go. Not then, not ever.

He turned on the water, making sure it was the right temperature, then adjusting the radiator so it would warm your towel as you showered. As he was about to walk away, you pulled on his arm, directing his attention back to you.

“Stay with me,” you whispered, thumbing the hem of his jumper, waiting for permission to strip him of his clothes. When he didn’t protest, you undressed him in the same way he’d done for you, then finally stepped under the water.

His fingers gently brushed your hair back, away from your face, and you closed your eyes, letting the warmth of the water and Harry’s presence soothe you. He reached behind you, running your soap between his hands before gently massaging them over your skin.

His touch was featherlight, as if he was trying to wash away not just the exhaustion, but the hurt that had built up between you. He was careful, attentive, his actions filled with unspoken words of love and regret. As he moved, his lips brushed against your shoulder, a silent apology, a promise that he would do better. The intimacy of it made you weak, your body turning to jelly as he cared for you in a way you knew no other man was capable of.

“I don’t want you to ever think I was using you,” he murmured, his voice barely audible over the sound of the running water. “You’re so much more than what you can give me.”

You opened your eyes, meeting his gaze, as he stepped a little closer to you. The warm water cascaded over both of you, its steady rhythm filling the quiet space between you and Harry. His eyes searching yours as the droplets slid down his face, his breath slightly ragged.

Your hand lifted slowly, fingers coming up to caress his cheek as you stared at each other through the steam, your fingertips lingering as if you were scared to let go.

“You’re so beautiful. I don’t think I’ve told you that enough,” Harry murmured, running his thumb over your bottom lip.

You swallowed hard, your throat closing around any words you could come up with. “Harry,” you whispered eventually, your voice raw from all the emotions of the day. “At times like this, I can really picture a life with you,” you finished, shy as the words finally came out.

You weren’t even sure what the fate of your relationship was, whether you even had another shot at happiness with him. But you knew, as much as it pained you to realise it, that things had only gotten so fucked up because both you and Harry had felt so much more intensely for one another than you’d ever expected. It wasn’t just sex, or a weird fling. There was something real between the two of you, you were certain of that.

His fingers traced along your jawline, his eyes glistening as he took in what you’d said. And then, without hesitation, Harry leaned in, closing the space between you, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that was soft, yet full of urgency. It wasn’t at all like the other times, it was deeper, filled with apology, with longing, with the need to prove that neither of you were willing to let go.

The water poured over your entwined bodies, but all you could feel was him. His kiss was tender at first, but as the seconds passed, it grew more passionate, more desperate, as if he was trying to pour everything he felt into that one moment. His hands moved to cradle your face, his thumbs brushing your cheeks as his lips moved against yours, seeking not just forgiveness, but something solid to hold onto as you both tried to find your way back.

Your hands slid up his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath your fingertips. You kissed him back, matching his intensity, your fingers curling into his damp skin as if afraid that if you let go, you’d lose him all over again. The warmth of the water mixed with the heat of his body against yours, and finally anything outside of that moment faded away.

When you finally pulled back, gasping for air, your foreheads pressed together, Harry’s chest was heaving, his eyes still closed as if he was trying to hold onto the feeling of your lips on his. His hands didn’t leave your face, and you could feel the slight tremble in them as he pulled you into his chest, pressing a kiss on the top of your head.

“You’re everything. Everything,” Harry muttered, his voice muffled by your hair, one arm wrapping around your back, holding you tight to him.

He shut the water off after a while, letting you melt into him for as long as you needed to. The air in the bathroom was thick, warm steam curling in the corners of the room.

“Come here,” Harry murmured, holding your towel out for you, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

You hesitated for a moment, but then you moved closer, letting him gently wrap the towel around your body. His touch was careful, tender as he pulled the fabric tight around you, tucking it securely. His fingers lingered for a second longer, grazing your bare skin as they brushed over your arms. His eyes met yours, filled with that familiar warmth, but there was something else, something quieter. Maybe regret, maybe something unsaid.

“Go on, princess,” he whispered, his voice soothing, like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to be taking care of you. “I’ll bring you a cuppa.”

You nodded, offering an exhausted but grateful smile before heading toward the bedroom. The weight of the day had left your body heavy, but Harry’s presence, his care, made everything seem softer, lighter somehow.

Harry stood in front of the kettle, his hands gripping the edge of the counter as he waited for the water to boil. The kitchen was quiet, except for the low hum of the kettle, but his mind was anything but.

He tried to focus on the task at hand - two cups of tea, something simple. Something he could control. But his thoughts kept drifting back, slipping through the cracks he was trying to seal up. The mistakes he'd made, the moments when he’d let you down, they all crowded his mind, a slow, sinking weight in his chest.

He thought about the hurt, the missed chances to say the right thing, the times he’d let his guard down only to retreat again out of fear. He’d always been good at getting in his own way, letting his own doubts cloud the way forward. It was no different now that he had been risking his career for you. He’d wanted so badly to protect you, to keep you close without smothering you, but somewhere along the way, he’d gotten lost in his own head. And now, standing in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil, those moments felt like stones in his chest.

You deserved better. He knew that. And he wasn’t always sure he could be that person for you. You needed someone who didn’t hurt you, who didn’t let their own insecurities and mistakes get in the way.

He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to push the thoughts down, but they kept rising, unbidden. What if he wasn’t enough? What if he made another mistake, and it was one you couldn’t forgive?

The kettle clicked off, its billowing steam piercing through his thoughts, grounding him again. He exhaled slowly, forcing himself to focus. He was there, caring for you, showing you how badly he wanted to fix what he’d broken. He poured the water over the tea bags, watching the liquid swirl, darkening as it steeped.

As he waited, he thought about the look in your eyes when he wrapped the towel around you. The way you trusted him, the way you let him take care of you without question even after such a shit show of a day - a week - because of his immature insecurities.

Teas in hand, he took a deep breath, steadying himself before heading back to the bedroom. You were perched on the edge of the bed, the beginnings of a cloud of sleep hovering over you.

“Here you go,” he whispered, placing the mugs down before brushing a strand of hair from your face.

As soon as he straightened up, the towel wrapped precariously around his toned hips threatened to come loose. His hands flew to it, protecting his modesty with a sheepish grin.

A laugh bubbled out of you for the first time that day, shaking your shoulders softly as the giggles exploded out of you.

“I should have considered this scenario before getting into the shower with you,” Harry smirked, covering the soft blush of his cheeks with his free hand.

“I still have your t-shirt,” you offered, nudging your head towards your top drawer. “But I can’t help with pants.”

“Somehow a t-shirt with a loose cock feels worse than this,” Harry murmured, frowning as he glanced down at the tiny towel barely covering any of him.

You let your eyes linger on his body for a second, knowing that absolutely none of your clothes would fit his big frame. Your gaze dropped to your own t-shirt, thinking for a beat before pulling it back over your head and dropping it by your feet. “Solidarity,” you told him, not failing to notice how his breath caught at the sight of you, as if he hadn’t just run his hands over every part of your naked body.

Harry reached over you to grab your towel, turning away before pulling his own from his body, heading towards the bathroom with a little sway in his hips, as if he knew you’d be watching.

And you were. You leaned around the door frame, eyes locked on his tight ass until he was out of sight.

The weight in your chest lightened as you smiled, the domesticity healing a part of you that you didn’t know was broken.

-

You lay back against your pillows, cradling your mug in your hands. The room was dimly lit by the faint glow of the moon outside, casting soft shadows across the walls. It was quiet, save for the sound of gentle breathing, yet the silence between you and Harry felt heavy.

You shifted slightly, resting your head against Harry’s shoulder, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. You had been here before, so close, so intimate, but it felt different. There was a weight in the air, a lingering sense of uncertainty. You were clearly over the worst, both hearts mending slowly and carefully, but it still felt too raw and too heavy to be fixed so fast.

"Do you think we still have a chance?" your voice was faint, your words timid as if you didn’t actually want an answer, but the question pierced through the stillness with raw vulnerability. You screwed your eyes shut, afraid of what Harry’s answer might be, but you knew that it needed to be heard. The uncertainty was what had been hanging over your heads, both of your minds drifting to that very question in every quiet moment.

Harry’s arms slipped around your waist, pulling you closer ever so slightly, but he didn’t respond immediately. His gaze fixed on the ceiling, his jaw tightening as he thought. He had been hurt, and so had you. But the risks were far greater for him, and anything between you both, whether it was love of heartbreak, needed to be worthy of that danger.

"I don’t know," he admitted finally, his voice hoarse. "I want to believe we do. I don’t think we would be here now if there wasn’t a chance." He sighed, the sound heavy with frustration. "I don’t want to lose you. I never wanted to hurt you."

You swallowed hard, turning to face him with leftover tears prickling at the corners of your eyes.

"I don’t want to lose you either," you said, your fingers tracing small patterns over his bare chest. "But I don’t know if things can go right back to how they were.”

Harry’s breath hitched, and he gently tipped your chin up so that your eyes met. There was something soft yet intense in his gaze, a quiet determination lurking beneath. "I don’t think either of us want them back to the way they were,” he muttered, his lips curling into a smirk.

You bit your lip, trying to contain the laugh that wanted to slip out. “Maybe better than before. But I don’t know if that can happen straight away,” you confessed.

Harry took your mug from your hand, reaching behind you to place it on your nightstand, before pulling you closer to his chest. Snuggled up to his side, with his arms right around you, you suddenly felt more secure in yourself and Harry’s future than you ever had.

“All we can do is try,” he whispered against your skin, his nose nudging at your cheek.

Slowly, you turned to meet his gaze, finding a softness in his face that you weren’t sure you’d ever seen before. His brows were slightly furrowed, as if even he was uncertain about his every move, but the tenderness in his expression made your breath catch. You leaned further into him, your lips ghosting across his.

Then his lips brushed yours, a sweetness in the gesture that made your heart stutter. Your eyes were locked on each others, seeking permission and acceptance, neither of you sure about how the other would react. But when neither of you made the effort to move away, or to protest, the space between you disappeared in the smallest of breaths.

Harry’s mouth moved with hesitance, as if he wasn’t sure he really had the right to be there with you, wrapping himself around you. But you kissed him back, of course you kissed him back, praying that any movements you made showed him just how much you wanted him there.

Your hand found his, your fingers lacing together as if to make your connection deeper. Neither of you pulled away, savoring the tentative closeness, letting the quiet stretch between kisses, as if testing the waters of something new and unknown.

When you finally broke apart, your foreheads rested against each others, breaths mingling in the soft light. Harry’s thumb brushed across the back of your hand, his touch grounding and real.

“We’ll figure it out,” he whispered, his voice low and reassuring.

You nodded, feeling your eyelids grow heavy as your eyes trailed over his face. “Tomorrow is a new day,” you murmured, nudging your head into the space between his shoulder and his neck, breathing him in with a content smile brewing your lips.

“Tomorrow is a new day,” Harry repeated, breathing out a deep sigh of relief.

oop thank you so much for reading!!!!

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(i get so confused with my taglist so just comment on my post/message me / let me know if i haven’t tagged you!! )

[ginnyw-potter]

Precariously hoping (AO3)

Harry woke up alone. He stared up at the ceiling as he processed his latest nightmare. He rubbed his scar out of habit though it did not hurt the slightest bit.

The door opened softly and even though he gave no sign he had seen her, Ginny slipped into bed beside him and stared up at the ceiling too. Her elbow brushed against his arm.

"Tell me," she said lightly.

He shook his head slowly. "It's weird to have nightmares and they're entirely my own. They're not influenced by him anymore."

Of course they weren't. Voldemort was dead, but it was not something he was accustomed to.

"It's like he's still lurking in the corners of my mind."

"It takes a while, but it goes," Ginny told him quietly.

He turned his head to look at her and she met his eyes.

"Does it come back?" he asked. "For you?"

She nodded. "Sometimes. Less and less."

"That's good." He glanced down her body.

She was showing a lot of skin. Her shirt was short enough to show off her stomach and her shorts showed off a whole lot of leg.

"Great outfit."

She beamed at him. "It's summer out there, Harry. No dementors to bring the temperatures down. You can bet I'll enjoy it."

He glanced at her again. "Has your mother seen your outfit yet?"

"No." She shook her head lightly and her gaze came to rest comfortably on him again. "That's why I came to see you first."

"Ah?" He turned onto his side and let his fingers slip teasingly across her stomach before he wrapped his arm around her middle. "And for what purpose?"

She smiled broader. Easily. She turned onto her side towards him. "Mainly for that blush." Her finger ran across her cheek.

He chuckled and kissed her softly.

"You know if you weren't on the premises my mother would be okay with this outfit. Would've been okay with you here before we both hit puberty perhaps."

"I'm not past puberty," he said with a playful frown. "I'm still lanky."

She smiled and her fingers ran from his jaw to his neck. "That's due to circumstances. It'll be gone soon. I can see it going."

"Keen observer?" he teased.

She nodded. "Quite. After all we've lost, I need to see you heal."

His demeanor shifted immediately. "You're not losing me. Not in any way."

Her smile didn't meet her eyes now. "I'll have to wait and find that out on my own. You'll have to forgive me for not taking your word for it."

"I'll show you." He kissed her again. "But you have to promise me something."

She squeezed his upper arm. "And what's that?"

"Heal with me."

Ginny exhaled. "I'll try. It doesn't feel like I can right now."

"I know." He wrapped her into his embrace. "Just know you don't need to be strong all the time."

"My family needed me to." She pulled him closer. "I'm not afraid of the darkness. I can carry it."

He didn't know how to convey to her what he thought. Perhaps she would feel ready eventually. He knew if he pressed on she would be inclined to do the opposite.

"Mum and dad lost a son, Percy's guilt for not being here is eating him up. George lost a twin," Ginny said. "If I can help out, I'll do it."

He looked her in the eye. "I'll hold your hand every step of the way."

Her gaze slipped over his face, looking thoughtful.

"What?" he asked.

She turned onto her back again. "You never made me such promises before." She shook her head and breathed out. "That you'd be here for me."

"I knew I couldn't. Not then," he said. "Now I have every intention to."

She swallowed hard and her hand went blindly in search of his. He clasped hers.

"How much time do you reckon we have before Ron bursts in here?" he asked.

She met his gaze with twinkling eyes. "A while. I told him I'd distract you for him."

"And he agreed to that?" he asked in disbelief.

Ginny nodded eagerly. "He's in the garden with Hermione. You know how new couples are."

"Ha." He snorted. "And we are not?"

"We are and we aren't," she said as she took his hand between both of hers and played with his fingers mindlessly. "We are our own special thing."

"Yeah... unfortunately that sounds about right," he mumbled.

"Harry," she said firmly. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

He shook his head. "I think you do."

"I don't know. It's not perfect, but if things were different you wouldn't be you and I wouldn't be me." She squeezed his hand. "And I like who you are a whole lot."

He shifted closer to her. "I love you too."

"That's not what I said." She grinned at him, their eyes locked.

He placed a kiss on her lips. "It was subtext, I just know it. It always is with you."

"My secret is out," she told him quietly, her gaze fond. "How terrible."

[littlebugs]

Can I request for Kylo Ren in which the returns with him from a failed mission? She made a mistake and maybe Kylo made it clear to her that he was very upset about it during an argument afterwards. She tries to make up for it by doing a mission on her own, only on this one she gets badly hurt and is brought back by Hux after finding her severely wounded/injured. When Kylo learns of it, he flips out thinking she wasn’t going to make it alive, but in the end, she survives and makes a full recovery. Something short and sweet in the end between them as he takes care of her during the healing process. Thanks! ❤️

(I hope this is okay! If not, feel free to ignore it!)

i love you

warnings: injury, very angsty (fluff ending), fem presenting reader (she/her pronouns), mild language, written at 1am so not the best proofreading, toxic kylo in the beginning 😓 a/n: thanks so much for the request love! i got carried away writing this lol, sorry if its a lil long!

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

"Shit," you cursed as you sprawled over the couch in yours and Kylo's living room. You'd messed up today. It was tiny, minuscule, just a little mistake. You hoped it wouldn't matter to Kylo. But you knew better.

The large door, black, matching most of the Commander's gloomy interior, swung open. And slammed shut. You nearly fell off the couch, already exhausted from the days work. "Hey Ky..." you trailed off. He looked absolutely terrifying. Blood on the toes of his boots. Holes ripped through his outfit. But the worst of all, his face. He looked- angry. Disappointed. Annoyed. Maybe even..disgusted?

"Shut up," He threatened, walking up to you. His arms crossed, feet spread apart, you knew you were in for it. From your spot now on the floor, huddled in a ball, you felt defenseless. "You messed up today," he scolded. "This was a covert operation. We had one shot at this, and you blew it." His voice was a low, seething growl.

"I'm sorry I had a- momentary.. lapse in judgment?" You didn't know what to say. This wasn't supposed to be a big deal. It was a tiny mess up. You forgot to disable a single security camera. Just one. It wouldn't matter anyhow, as the saber marks lining the walls of the Rebel base being hijacked was a sign as to who the attacker was.

"Sorry isn't going to fix this. We're on the brink of a war, and this mission was crucial. The Supreme Leader trusted us, and now, because of your mistake, we might have just handed our enemies a victory," he nearly shouted.

Kylo's voice rose as he continued, but it was as if you were underwater, the sounds muffled and distorted. Your eyes filled with tears, blurring your vision. You couldn't let him see you like this. "I-I'm sorry," you mumbled, as you got up from the ground and staggered to the door.

You scarcely cried. There were many things the two of you never did, which maybe you should have done. It wasn't a conventional relationship. You'd only cried in front of him once, years ago. He had left you, crumpled on the floor, unable to deal with the sudden emotion. He never told you he loved you. Not even once. You shared a ship, meals, even a bed with him, and even in your most intimate moments, he just... didn't seem to feel anything. At least on the exterior. You hoped.

"Leave me." you stammered, nose already running. "Did you think I was going to follow you? Pathetic. Absolutely worthless. Do you think I even care-" He stopped, dead in his tracks, after catching sight of your face, glimmering in tears. "M'sorry" you mumbled, and quietly closed the door behind you.

Breathing in the cool air of The Supremacy, you quickly wiped your face before any troopers nearby could catch sight. Word traveled fast, and although it was a big ship, news could be spread in mere hours. You remembered the first time you had to deal with the gossip, it had been your first one night stand with Kylo, before any relationship. You left in the dead of night, but one lucky Stormtrooper caught you on the security camera. The next day, half the the Supremacy was staring you down, and the other half was triumphantly giving you high fives (Knights of Ren included.)

Life seemed...simpler. Now you were plastered on the wall to Kylo's rooms, breathing in slightly sterile air as you tried to get your wits about you. It being 11pm already, you decided to make way to your old room. Walking down the hallway, you encountered little confrontation. That was the good part of being in relation to Kylo. Then there was the name calling, the teasing the "Commanders whore" whispered behind your back. It all made you want to cry again, and you were grateful to near your room.

As you unlocked the door, your old life greeted you. There wasn't much left really, as you had inhabited Kylo's space for the past months. You had thought maybe...maybe he was changing- that he would one day tell you how he felt? Yeah right, you thought, as you walked in, flopped down on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. Looking around you, a chair sat to your left, with a window showing the view of a million stars outside. A bathroom and dresser to your right, emptied of all your items. Not that you had any in the first place, but Kylo had spoiled you as of recent.

You couldn't stop thinking about him. His face when he saw your tears. The way he had yelled at you nonstop. The fact that he didn't seems to care.

In the dimly lit room, shadows danced across the walls like haunting specters. Suddenly feeling cold, you huddled beneath the covers of your bed. The air was thick with silence, now broken only by the muffled sobs that racked your body. Your fingers clutched at the sheets, the fabric twisted and knotted in fists of despair. With each passing moment, the tears fall harder, faster, until you couldn't breath. You gasped, shuddered, and with a pounding headache, went to sleep, soiled clothes and all.

Unbeknownst to you, Kylo stood near your door, listening to your sobs feeling...terrible. He hated hearing you cry. It filled him with disgust not in you, but now in himself. For making you feel this way. And through the Force, he heard your thoughts, the desperate calls to be openly loved that Kylo had so valiantly ignored. He thought to wake you, but instead headed back to his quarters.

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

The next morning, at 6 am sharp, you woke up with solid determination. You were going to show him you weren't pathetic, worthless...disgusting. You were always soft, especially in comparison to him, but you weren't pathetic. Or at least you hoped so.

As you headed to the mirror, you jumped at your reflection. That wouldn't do. You would also have to make it work with the meager amount of supplies at hand, but you could do it. After opting a shower to the refresher, so you could use scented soaps and lotions, you blow dried you hair, and styled it to the best of your ability. "Not too bad," You thought to yourself as you brushed on mascara and lip balm. "Nothing crazy" you told yourself, but betrayed your thoughts as you opted for a smaller sized uniform.

Exiting your room, you felt misery and despair inside of you, but at least you looked like you had it together. Making your way down to the control center of the Supremacy took quite a while, it being a literal Mega Class Dreadnought ship, but it gave you time to think. Think of what you were going to say to him. You could apologize. You could pretend nothing happened. You could act all mushy and touchy. Or just ignore him completely.

You decided to just fuck it and ball. Walking into the room, the control center hummed with the usual tension that permeated the First Order's headquarters. The air was thick with the weight of strategic discussions and the ever-present rivalry among its officers.

Then you saw him. The air seemed to crackle with electricity as he moved, his presence commanding attention. You had always been drawn to the enigmatic power he exuded, and despite the fight, that magnetic pull remained intact. You were immediately waved over by General Hux, and as you walked over to a control table in the very front of the room, getting closer, you regretted your decision. The mask, the robes...everything about him was just huge. Intimidating. Compared to your scantily dressed body, he looked like he could envelope you whole. Maybe you wanted him to.

Deciding to play with him a little, you boldly stood next to Hux, leaning over to look at the schematics on the table so Kylo had direct view of you. Though the mask concealed his emotions, you could sense the internal turmoil beneath it. He was distracted, and you knew why.

Hux sighed and rolled his eyes, in classic fashion. He was never one for your machinations, but continued explaining the mission at hand, obviously annoyed. You didn't bother listen, opting to shift around in a way that made Kylo's fists clench.

At what seemed like the end of the brief, Hux tiredly asked "So we'll need an Admiral or Commander to volunteer for this mission. As I know both of you do not care in the least so I will just-" You cut him off. "I'll do it." Both Kylo and Hux turned towards you, silent. "But you never do anything-" The General retorted. You roll your eyes. "Shut up Hux. I'm going." The redhead sputtered. "But-you... -You don't even care! Ever!" "Ok well, I'm a Commander, and I'm going," You spat, not bothering to glance at Kylo, who hadn't moved an inch in the last minute. You stormed away, but not before hearing Hux call "Don't screw this up Commander," and scoffing.

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

It wasn't going well. You had overpowered the Rebel base, which was somewhat pitiful, but managed to get a blaster wound to the side which was currently steaming in a way that did not look safe. Most of your troops had made it through, save the couple of troopers who'd been shot here and there. The masks made it harder to remember they were human, people on the inside. Limping back to your ship, you woozily asked Hux to make someone check the surrounding areas for stragglers as you slumped into the seat, adrenaline still preventing you from feeling the full pain of your wound.

Setting the TIE on autopilot, slowly coming back to reality, you looked down to the left of your torso. You had almost dodged the blast, the wound cauterized by the superheated plasma, leaving a sizzling, blackened mark on your flesh. Smoke rose from the wound, carrying with it the acrid scent of burnt fabric and singed skin. The pain intensified with each passing second, as if a red-hot poker has been driven into your side.

You clenched your teeth, trying to stifle a scream, as you grasped at the wound. Your fingers came away slick with your own blood, which oozed from the wound and trickled down your side. The ride was short. Only 30 minutes at full speed. You could probably..maybe hold on. You busied yourself coating the wound with Bacta spray, which took most the time, considering the fact that every movement made your side burn and sting like never before.

After successfully applying the antiseptic, you started to see the giant that was the Supremacy. It slowly appeared as a behemoth of steel and darkness, adorned with the stark, angular design characteristic of First Order aesthetics you had come to be so familiar with. You were on course, but you'd have to manually land the plane. "Oh for Kriffs sake" you muttered to yourself, trying to figure out how you were even alive.

You painstakingly moved your right arm to the control panel, and started the descent, aiming for one of the many hangars. It seemed to take forever, but with a final, skillful maneuver, you brought the ship to a shaky landing on the hangar deck. The ship's landing struts had absorbed the impact, but the screech of metal against metal reverberated through the hangar.

You all but fell out of the fighter, letting out a strained "I'm aight-" before collapsing into the arms of medical personnel, whom immediately transported you to the medical wing.

Not known to you, the second of your arrival, Kylo was storming down the hall, looking menacing as ever. Although he looked same as ever, on the inside, his emotions swirled inside of him. He was freaking out. He powered through the med bay, drawing terrified looks from doctors and patients alike, not stopping until he found your room.

He ripped the door open, all calm was lost. "Is she alright?" He boomed, modified voice scaring the living daylights out of the doctors and nurses surrounding you. "S-Sir, erm-Commander we think she'll most likely survive with minor s-setback" A doctor answers, inspecting the wound as to not have to face Ren.

He sat down on a chair, further terrifying the staff with his presence. "She'd better," Kylo fumed, prepared to annihilate the staff over anything. He didn't know what made him feel like this, but he was prepared to wait days for you to awake. And wait he did.

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

It was early morning. You had just woken up, not in the Med Bay, but... in his room. He was already awake, looking at you with those deep brown eyes. You looked around, surveying the surroundings. You were wearing his sleep clothes, all too big on you, hair smelling freshly washed. You had an IV hooked up to your arm, and the stiff bandage across your torso chafed against delicate skin.

"I'm sorry" He uttered, quietly. "I said those things, and I... shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I don't- feel like that about you. I think you're.." He trailed off. He'd never said sorry before. You didn't know how to react.

Looking at him, caring for you in your injury made you frown. "Why do you- why do you care?"

"Here, lay down. Have some soup." He nudged you gently, positioning pillows behind your head. You were so shocked, you almost forgot your previous question. "Wait, but why are you doing this?" You whisper, voice hoarse.

"Because I love you"

[radioisntdead]

Nothing's new

Velvette x reader

Warnings: I don't know what this is, but the reader's heels are broken!

Song used

You never thought you'd end up in hell with your girlfriend, you never thought you'd be dragged along for the ride as she climbed the ranks, and you certainly didn't think that she'd leave you like this, stranded outside a club in the acidic rain, broken heels in hand, and phone nearly dead, after what you could only describe as the worst argument you'd ever had.

I wanna be touched, be loved

You should've seen this coming, there were signs, there were signs right? you had rose tinted glasses on? Or was there truly no warning? The two of you had spats before but nothing like this.

I wanna heal, be hugged

You walked down the hellish streets, looking at your relationship over and over again in your brain, painstakingly combing over them looking for anything you could've missed.

It's just the two of us, or that's what we swore

You and Velvette were together for....

honestly you lost track of how many years, you were together the day the two of you died in a texting and driving accident, the two of you died rather young, only in your twenties, and the two of you were together throughout your entire hellish stay.

You could still remember her hand holding yours as she dragged you though the pride ring, assuring you that it'd be alright as the two of you tried to figure out what to do now.

And if I've lost my charm, apologies due, no harm

And now she tossed you out like a toy that she didn't want it anymore.

You tried calling her, hoping that she'd answer, that maybe things could still be fixed, that maybe she'd regret her decision and come back for you.

That at the end of all this you'd be curled up together in bed, warm, dry and not at risk from whatever acidic rain does to you.

'Cause you've got a hold of my heart and I know it's worn

She doesn't pick up, no matter how many times the phone rings.

Deep down you know that everything has ran it's course, it's over.

So, won't you please spare me indignity?

You let out a bitter laugh as your phone turns off mid dial, the last thing you see from it is Velvette's contact picture.

And won't you please give me some decency?

The day started off like usual, Velvette's ungodly alarm went off, dragging you away from sleep like how a mother cat yoinks her kitten away, and untangled yourself from Velvette.

And won't you please call it if our time is through?

You made two cups of coffee for the two of you, [and left some for the other two Vees if they wanted a cup, you hoped Valentino burned himself.]

Paired with a breakfast that'd give the two of you energy throughout the day, the two of you talked about the days plans as you did your morning routines then separated for the work day.

'Cause I know that we fall apart when nothing's new

The two of you made plans that night to go check out a new club that opened up recently, and so you picked out your best outfit for the occasion along with your favorite heels, the exact ones that were now broken in your hand.

'Cause if we are near to through,

Nothing's new

Then when the two of you went to the damned thing your girlfriend was in awe because of the singer on the stage singing Bon Jovi songs, the performer even put their hand under her chin in a rather intimate style, and of course you got a little jealous.

I want to be close to you, but I don't know what to do

Honestly it was nothing new, she'd glance at other people, as would you.

It would lead to bickering, and the bickering would lead to unholy shenanigans that the writer of this fanfic does not want to go into detail on or when they got more hostile then the two of you liked, the two of you would separate for maybe a day or two, you had a separate apartment to go whenever these happened.

But this time, you guess it just hit a sore spot or maybe things had finally hit the limit.

Maybe it was inevitable that something like this would happen, maybe it was only a matter of time before this love of yours failed.

'Cause if we are near to through

You remember how everything started with Velvette, she was a fashion major and you were studying something else, the two of you met at some college party, you got her number and the two of you went on a couple of dates.

It may make it worse, and if I start to grieve

From movie theater date nights followed by a nice dinner to just simply joining the other two run errands, Oh how you missed those days when it was much simpler.

'Cause it feels you're 'bout to leave

You sighed as you got to the argument apartment, you slid the key into the door and opened it into the empty apartment, it was decent, much more dialed back then the room you shared in the vees tower, the walls were painted pale pink, white couches, and a matching pink rug covered the hard wood floor.

Forgive me, I'm not naïve, I've been here before

You made a beeline to the shower discarding your ruined clothes, and hopping straight into the warm shower, letting the water clean off the acidic rain.

So, won't you please spare me indignity?, and won't you please give me some decency?

Maybe it was for the better that it seemed the relationship was coming to an end, the two of you weren't good for each other, not anymore.

And won't you please call it if our time is through? 'Cause I know that we fall apart when nothing's new

You made up your mind up that once you charged up your phone, you'd officially end things with Velvette, hoping that maybe things would end smoothly.

Nothing's new, nothing's new, nothing's new

Unfortunately though, when you got out of that shower, Velvette was waiting for you, holding your dead phone in hand.

Nothing's new,

Like a child coming back for her toy.

nothing's new, Nothing's new, nothing's new,

Nothing's new, nothing's new, Nothing's new, nothing's new, Nothing's new, nothing's new

And that would be birth of a cycle of shitty behaviors from both parties, harsher fights that were publicized, messy break ups that left you swearing that that'd be the end, only to end up back in her bed two days later.

Nothing's new

Dark lipstick stains left on your skin and bleeding marks left on hers.

Please spare me indignity, and won't you please give me some decency?

With every time you came back to her you swore it'd be the last, but like any other addiction it was hard to stop, and eventually you would.

And won't you please call it if our time is through?

After getting ditched in the rain a couple times too many, and thrown aside for something more shiny and new.

'Cause I know that we fall apart when nothing's new

But for now you'd be by her side, drenched like a wet puppy dog, with your phone dead, heels broken and wrapped within her arms.

Nothing's new

GOOD EVENING FOLKS I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WROTE I was going to a thing then I got ideas that will be chopped up and given to other fics, editing will be my downfall.

Anywho thank you for tuning in! Goodnight folks!

[sapphoscreature]

Caitlyn's Act Three Outfit

I think that Caitlyn's act 3 look being devoid of any insignia is a sign that on both a political and emotional level she has rescinded the position as commander as Ambessa appointed her and instead is commander as she is choosing herself to be in order to lead Piltover into battle and face the immediate consequences of her choices.

Now she has power devoid of any others' influence and is guided by her own self-reflection and growth, she has taken on a new look and a new approach. She no longer wears the beret, jacket, trouser outfit she dons in act 1 as we watch her descend into a desire for vengeance, and which becomes part of her act 2 outfit (as well as the cape adorned with the combined Medarda/Kiramman insignia, of course).

Her new outfit is practical but unfussy. It feels more grounded in Caitlyn's determination ('I don't need consolation. I need a plan') and action-focussed personality.

The black turtleneck in particular is really interesting (espc. as she wears it in the opening titles as well). There's a lot it could suggest, and I've seen some interesting interpretations, but for me I think it represents stoicism and solemnity. Grief and guilt led her down a dark path. Now reflecting on that ('hating you, i've hated myself'), Caitlyn will carry those choices with her forever. She will own them, and I think that's reflected through her outward presentation.

That the turtleneck is also a concealing garment could further suggest guardedness. She will not allow anyone else to take advantage of the power the Kiramman name affords her, nor will she lose sight of what is truly important moving forward ('this city needs healing'), and how her privilege could aid that 'fight.' In fact, I think Caitlyn comes into her own in shaping how the power of privilege operates after the battle- e.g. offering her council seat to Sevika.

That it is only with Vi that she removes those layers says a lot about their intimacy both physical and emotional, but that she wears it in their final scene I think also represents how Caitlyn is determined to keep fighting for a better world and atone for her previous choices.

[deansbbyx]

I know this isn’t my usual program but I thought I’d reflect on what has happened in the last year for me. 2024 was the year filled with conventions & a lot of traveling. Whether it was a road trip to New Jersey for a supernatural convention or flying overseas to Portugal to say goodbye to my family’s home. I am truly grateful that I have been able to travel to meet my idols. It has been such a blast not only meeting them but I am lucky enough that my friends got to be there with me. Making memories with each other and seeing one another’s experiences.

SpnNj24- This was my second con I have ever gone to. These are some of my favorite photos I took that weekend. The experiences I had this time around were truly out of a fanfic. Jensen Ackles the man that you are 😩😮‍💨 (I’ll never be able to normal abt him…ever) Briana & Kim my comfort people. They are the moment, they are the light at the end of the darkest tunnel. Misha Collins…After meeting you idk if you were in character when you portrayed Castiel raising Dean Winchester from perdition. Good god man you got a GRIP 😏

FWB OTH turns 21- I was in Portugal when I found out Danneel was going to be in Wilmington NC a month later. The day I flew back home I bought my tickets and went. This was my first time properly meeting her. (Briefly met her at Hilarie’s book signing back in 23) She’s so funny and sweet. We talked for a good time during autos. Been a fan since I was 14 prior to my spn days. So this was very surreal. (I loved you first)

BostonExpo, Fwb OTH turns 21, & RICC- If little Carina could see me now she would think I’m the coolest girl ever. Meeting the people who have been apart of my childhood healed something within me. Grey was the cutest human ever. She was so excited that someone dressed as daphne. (Apparently I was the only one that day.) I wish I had more time with her but she had such a long line. Peter…Carlisle….THAT MAN!!! I love him your honor. So respectful and so sweet. The man asked if he could hug me….HELLO?! Matthew is an amazing hugger. Asked him for a bear hug and he squeezed me so tight. I regret nothing. Ending my night by being the last person in Giancarlo’s line AND him calling me beautiful was something I never expected. Meeting Hilly from Hillywood, Shantell (My Quinn) & Emmanuelle (beloved Madison) was such a fun experience too! Can’t forget Sam Witwer my favorite vampire.

SpnOrl24-Last but certainly not least! I am so happy I got to end the year with this convention. Everyone that we took pictures with were such troopers. (I’m looking at you Jensen & Jeff) We had a lot to do; between photo ops (almost missed two), outfit changes, meet & greets…we made it through. I admire and respect these men so much. They are conscious of putting in the effort to make sure they’re there for us. I am so grateful. I love them dearly. This one for sure going down in the books. (I mean cmon smooches knows my name now 😵‍💫)

Thank you 2024 for letting me grow & heal. Cheers to 2025, I’m manifesting that I’ll get to blossom and shine after all the hard work I did last year.

I hope you all get to live your dreams this new year (even if it’s just for a little.) and heal that inner child of yours.

[astroamorsworld]

What does this New Moon in Taurus have in store for your rising sign?

If you guys would like to support me, you can do so by clicking here to buy me a coffee :)

If you guys would like a reading, you can DM me, contact me via my ko-fi page or my fiverr page.

On the 8th May 4:33am UK time, there will be a New Moon in Taurus. So what does this mean for your rising sign?

Aries Rising: With this New Moon activating your 2nd house of finances and possessions, it's prime time to focus on building your sense of security! This New Moon energy is like a blank check for your financial future. This is your chance to get serious about your money. Do you want to finally create a budget? Increase your income? Treat yourself to something special but within reason? The New Moon encourages clear intentions. The stuff you own should reflect who you are. This might mean decluttering and getting rid of things that no longer spark joy, or saving up for that high-quality item you've been wanting👀. This New Moon is also about taking a slower, more strategic approach. Avoid impulsive purchases and focus on long-term plans that bring lasting security. A tip from me would be to Repeat positive affirmations about abundance and achieving your financial goals. Visualisation is powerful too – imagine yourself reaching your financial dreams!

Taurus Rising: This New Moon illuminates your 1st house, all about self-expression, confidence, and how you want to be perceived. It's your chance to embrace your unique qualities and let your inner light shine. Been wanting a new hairstyle, wardrobe update, or to cultivate a different vibe? This New Moon supports positive changes to your physical appearance or overall persona. The New Moon encourages connecting with your inner strength and values. When you feel good about who you are on the inside, it radiates outwards with confidence. Spend some time reflecting on what truly matters to you. A tip from me? Don't just dream it, embody it! This New Moon isn't just about introspection, it's about taking action to step into the best version of yourself. Start small with something that makes you feel empowered, like trying a new outfit or joining a class that interests you.

Gemini Rising: Since this New Moon lands in your 12th house, you’re gonna wanna pay attention to your dreams and intuition during this time. They might be offering valuable insights or nudges about what needs to be released or healed on a deeper level. Journaling or meditation can be helpful for deciphering these messages. The 12th house is associated with endings and letting go. This New Moon could prompt you to release limiting beliefs, past hurts, or negative self-talk that have been holding you back. It's a time for emotional cleansing and forgiveness. While the 12th house deals with endings, it's also about new beginnings on a subconscious level. The New Moon here is like planting a seed for personal growth and transformation. You might not see the results immediately, but trust that this inner work will pay off in the long run. Want advice from me? This New Moon isn't about outward action, but about introspection and self-discovery. Give yourself permission to take some quiet time for solitude and reflection. Disconnect from the busyness of the world and reconnect with your inner voice.

Cancer rising: This New Moon is landing in your 11th house, of hopes, wishes, and the company you keep. This New Moon energy is like rocket fuel for your social circle. It's a great time to reconnect with old friends, expand your network, or even attract new soul connections who share your aspirations. Feeling inspired? This New Moon is the perfect excuse to whip out a vision board and get clear on your long-term goals. Focus on what you hope to achieve, the kind of life you want to build, and the people you want to share it with. The 11th house also deals with social causes and movements. This New Moon might spark your interest in a particular cause or inspire you to collaborate with others to make a positive impact. Here’s my two cents - Believe in your dreams, nurture your connections, and take inspired action – the Universe is conspiring to help you bring your visions to life!

Leo Rising: With this New Moon falling in your 10th house, this New Moon is all about leveling up your professional life. Feeling stuck in a rut? This lunar energy ignites your ambition and motivates you to pursue your goals with renewed fire. Believe in your talents and don't be afraid to showcase them! The 10th house is all about how you're perceived by the world. This New Moon is the perfect time to refine your personal brand and make a lasting impression, whether it's through a captivating presentation, a bold social media presence, or even simply exuding confidence in your interactions. Natural leaders like yourself might find new opportunities to step into positions of authority. This New Moon empowers you to inspire and motivate others with your vision and charisma. Embrace your leadership qualities and guide your team towards success. My advice? Don't be afraid to put yourself out there! This New Moon encourages you to embrace the spotlight and share your talents with the world. Whether it's starting a YouTube channel, giving a presentation, or simply taking center stage at a social gathering, this is your moment to shine!

Virgo Rising: The 9th house is all about expanding your horizons and seeking knowledge. This New Moon is like a cosmic invitation to embark on a learning journey. Maybe it's signing up for a new course, devouring a stack of travel books, or diving deep into a philosophical topic that's piqued your interest. While the 9th house can ignite wanderlust, this New Moon with Taurus's grounding influence might inspire a more meaningful travel experience. Consider a trip with a focus on cultural immersion, historical exploration, or learning a new language. The 9th house also deals with belief systems and philosophies. This New Moon might prompt you to explore different perspectives or challenge your own limiting beliefs. Don't be afraid to question the status quo and seek out new ways of thinking. My advice - While the 9th house deals with exploration, it also encourages setting long-term goals and aspirations. This New Moon is a powerful time to envision your dream life and the experiences you want to have. Planting these seeds of intention now will guide you towards a fulfilling future.

Libra Rising: The 8th house is all about emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and merging with another. This New Moon energy can deepen your existing relationships or spark a new, intense connection. Be open to exploring intimacy on a deeper level, but remember, true intimacy requires vulnerability from both sides. The 8th house also deals with transformation and letting go. This New Moon might bring up past hurts or unresolved issues related to intimacy or shared resources. Don't shy away from these shadows – facing them head-on allows for healing and growth. For some Libra Risings, this New Moon could influence financial partnerships, investments, or inheritances. Proceed with caution with any financial decisions during this time, and prioritize open communication with partners involved. What i think - The 8th house encourages us to release what no longer serves us. This New Moon might prompt you to let go of emotional baggage, unhealthy attachments, or limiting beliefs that are hindering your growth. Embrace the power of forgiveness and release to create space for new beginnings.

Scorpio rising: The 7th house is all about one-on-one relationships, both personal and professional. For Scorpios who are single, this New Moon could spark a powerful new connection with someone who shares your intensity and depth. For those already coupled, this lunation encourages taking your relationship to a new level of intimacy and commitment. The 7th house also deals with teamwork and collaboration. This New Moon might bring opportunities to partner with others on creative projects or professional endeavors. The key here is finding collaborators who share your vision and complement your strengths. While Scorpios crave connection, they also value depth over superficiality. This New Moon encourages you to prioritize quality over quantity in your relationships. Be discerning about who you let into your inner circle and focus on cultivating deep, meaningful connections. Want ny opinion? Scorpio's emotional intensity can be both a gift and a challenge. This New Moon encourages you to be honest and vulnerable with your partners, both in expressing your desires and acknowledging potential power struggles. Open communication is key for building strong, lasting partnerships.

Sagittarius Rising: The 6th house is all about organization, productivity, and creating healthy habits. This New Moon is the perfect time to re-evaluate your daily schedule and make adjustments that support your well-being. Consider incorporating exercise routines, healthy meal planning, or creating a sleep schedule that fuels your body and mind. Feeling a bit sluggish? This New Moon in grounded Taurus encourages prioritizing your physical health. Schedule a check-up with your doctor, explore healthy eating habits, or consider a new workout routine. Remember, a healthy body fuels a vibrant spirit! Sagittarius’ are known for their adventurous spirit, but neglecting daily routines can lead to burnout. This New Moon encourages finding a balance between your work and personal life. Creating a structured schedule can actually free up more time for your passions and explorations. Want my advice? Let's face it, routines can feel restrictive at times. This New Moon whispers that even the mundane can be approached with your signature enthusiasm. Transform your chores into mini-adventures, find joy in healthy eating, and use your creativity to make even the most routine tasks engaging.

Capricorn Rising: The 5th house is all about self-expression, joy, and creative pursuits. This New Moon ignites a desire to explore your artistic talents, whether it's writing, painting, music, or any other creative outlet that sparks your joy. Don't be afraid to experiment and have fun! Are you feeling a bit disconnected from your hobbies or passions lately? This New Moon is the perfect opportunity to rekindle that spark. Dust off your creative tools, revisit an old project, or sign up for a new class to reignite your creative fire. Capricorns are known for their work ethic, but sometimes work can overshadow fun. This New Moon encourages you to find ways to integrate your passions into your professional life. Maybe there's a way to add a creative element to your work, or perhaps you can pursue a creative side hustle. Advice? The 5th house also governs love and romance. For Capricorns in relationships, this New Moon could spark a more playful and romantic dynamic. Plan a date night that's fun and lighthearted, or surprise your partner with a creative gesture of love.

Aquarius Rising: The 4th house is all about creating a safe and nurturing environment. This New Moon energy is like a cosmic home improvement project! Think about ways to make your living space feel more comfortable, stylish, or reflective of your unique personality. Decluttering, rearranging furniture, or adding some personal touches can make a big difference. The 4th house also deals with family dynamics. This New Moon could prompt you to reconnect with loved ones or mend any strained relationships within your family. Open communication and expressing your emotional needs can strengthen your family bond. For some Aquarius Risings, the concept of "home" might be unconventional. This New Moon encourages you to define what "home" means to you on a deeper level. Maybe it's a physical space, a sense of community, or a feeling of belonging. Embrace your unique definition of home and create a space that truly nourishes you. Advice - The 4th house is also associated with emotional security. This New Moon might prompt you to address any emotional baggage or limiting beliefs related to your upbringing. Healing past hurts and fostering emotional self-reliance can create a strong foundation for your future.

Pisces Rising: The 3rd house governs communication, both written and verbal. This New Moon in artistic Taurus awakens your creative side and encourages you to express yourself with more depth and feeling. Whether it's journaling, poetry, or simply more heartfelt conversations, embrace your artistic voice and share it with the world. Pisces are known for their intuition, and Taurus brings grounding energy. This New Moon creates a beautiful blend of intuition and logic in your communication. You'll be able to express complex ideas with clarity while weaving in your unique emotional perspective. The 3rd house also deals with close relationships, particularly siblings, neighbors, and classmates. This New Moon fosters a more empathetic and compassionate communication style, allowing you to connect with others on a deeper emotional level. For Pisces Rising, learning often comes through intuition and emotional connection. This New Moon amplifies this ability. Pay attention to your gut feelings and emotional responses as you learn something new. They might hold valuable insights waiting to be unlocked. Advice - you have a gift for empathy and compassion, and this New Moon encourages you to use these qualities in your communication. Listen deeply to others, express yourself with kindness, and don't be afraid to share your unique perspective. The world needs your voice!

Check my pinned post for more!💖

[lazyneonrabbitt]

King of the cage

Daryl Dixon x reader | [Pt.2]

In the apocalypse, entertainment is hard to come by. Until you hear of underground groups fighting with anything nonhuman.. CW: Descriptive violence and murder.

Loud cheers rung through the basement hall. Rowdy folk rattling fences and screaming in excitement for the next round.

With the world ending, entertainment was hard to come by but slowly these underground events started making a comeback through word of mouth.

A loud bell rang that had the crowd go silent, its attention pulled back to the giant cage that sat in the middle of the hall.

A megaphone wielding man appeared in the middle of the cage. He got the crowd riled up as he introduced two new entries.

The two next fighters.

While he backed up he called out the first one by name, then its most ferocious features and then its species.

The crowd rumbled with anticipation as they waited for the creature to be released from its confinement.

Massive steel latches came undone as a heavy door slid open to reveal a satyr. Its legs plated with jagged steel as well as its tail. Its hooves hidden by heavy, sharp covers that clunked with every step it took. Its hornes were decked out in metal covers too, making a headbutt a lot more dangerous than it already was.

It circled the centre cage, dragging its tail across the blood splattered concrete and sending sparks flying off its tail end. The metal could cut anything in half with one good swing. Whoever caught this one knew what they were doing.

That was the first thought in your mind seeing the creature stalk the other door connected to the cage. Watch that tail.

You couldn't see the ones across from you, the ones who owned the beast. They too were decked out in armor like outfits and masks.

And then the announcer, now from his safe space on the third high spot above the cage, announced the second fighter.

Yours.

"Our next beast is a fan favorite! Brutal. Intelligent and oh so scary! A monster worn by countless battles!" He gestured grand towards the other door as it unlarched and slid open to reveal your most prized possession.

"Let's hear it for our angel of death!"

The crowd went wild as your beast lunged out of his enclosure into the cage and it sent a rush of adrenaline through your system.

"LETS HEAR IT FOR DIXON!"

Your monstrous wolf roared as he circled his opponent, snapping his jaw in aggression. The steel fang caps alsays catching the shitty lights perfectly, showing off its sharpness just right. The chains around his forearms dragged along the floor, creating a terrifying harmony with the drag of the other's metal tail.

His low stance showed off his branding marks to the crowd. Two giant wings over his back, scarred to the bone so no fur would grow back, no chance of healing.

To the crowd he looked like the perfect killing machine, equipped with metal claws and fangs, scars allover and a ferocious snarl that strikes fear into the crowd, but only soaks your underwear.

Inside the cage the creatures kept circling until the harsh bell rang through the hall, signaling the start.

Your sign to scream. "Watch the tail, baby!" But it seemed he had already caught on. As the satyr took a readying stance, your wolf had lunged straight at the creature, shoving it right in the chest with his head as his claws went to encase his spine.

A yelp sounded through the cage as the clawed gloves of his opponent dug into your wolf's ribs but he quickly retailated. Four thick claws dug between individual vertebrae close to the satyr's hips as the other claw grabbed, twisted and yanked hard. With a crunch of bone and a deafening scream the tail detatched and was thrown off to the side, pieces of metal plating scattered on the ground.

With its tail gone the creature let go and dropped to the ground but bouncing back almost immediately. On your beast's backstep it lunged at him hoof first and kicked him straight in the chest, tearing through skin and muscle. There was barely enough time to move with the kick and avoid getting ribs cut clean trough. That one was gonna leave a scar.

It was clear in his eyes he was done with this one already. No fun to be had with something that only sliced.

Your opponents were yelling command after command at their creature and it followed througg with each and every one. They trained it well, but forgot the other beast had the chance to steer crear of every single step as it was called out.

"Dee! Quit dodging, they're getting bored!" Your voice rang through the crowd that howled in agreement. "Go crazy, baby!"

His ears perked up at your command. He got booed for finishing matches with smaller opponents too quick and had to learn to play, like a dog.

The satyr lunged at him with a spinning kick aiming straight for his eyes but a quick turn away from it and a 'click' of his chain he snagged a leg and yanked the chain towards him, again dragging the creature onto its back over the floor. Those legs could kill easily and were protected by a thick steel so biting was no use. Clawing wasn't an option either so for now he'd have to immobilize them with the chains. A swift twirl had the chain wrap around tight. A large paw stomped onto them a couple of times, blood smearing the metal plates until the crack of bone could be heard.

The creature cried and whined out in pain as yours sported a wicked grin, opening his maw to show off his custom dental work before diving in and tearing off half of his opponent's ribcage.

With a spray of blood and a disgusting squelch of a steel tipped claw tearing out a heart the crowd howled along with your killer.

The round was over and the announcer congratulated you and your beast on the win, letting the crowd know not to move from their seats as the next round was about to begin.

"The hell?" When did they implement the back to back rounds? This wasn't discussed.

You were supposed to be looking after him now assessing his wounds and encourage hin to heal. He may have been your fighter in everyone else's eyes but under all those metal adornments made to fit his beast shape he was still your partner.

He was the one that saved your life only to have you for dinner himself, starved and desperate but he spared you because of the interest in your eyes instead of fear.

You two ended up sharing the leftovers in your bag that gave him enough strength to hunt down some game and feed you both. You made it through winter together and became dependant on each other. He was a nonhuman who was abused since childhood and never had a chance at success, not even when the world ended and skills like his were considered useful.

But now you had each other.

"Dee! You got this, baby! I right here withya, focus." Your voice drowned out the rowdy crowd as he backed up to his door and rested against it. Evening out his breathing and recalling your steps of making him heal in between matches wasn't working as well as he hoped, but his hindpaw could now hold his full weight again and his chest was at least partially knitted back together and no ribs were exposed anymore.

Just in time for the next round bell to ring and the opponent's door to open again.

With erratic movements two giant batlike creatures came from the opening. Their wings were clipped so they couldn't fly anymore but their screeching sounds were as killing as ever.

Behind the two jittery winged things something else stomped in. Heavy footfalls sounded through the hall as a large, grey wolf enters the cage. Its sheer size made yours look so small. The bats had thick plated armor covering their chests and upper backs, all around their ribcage.

Feral vampiric creatures. You had seen more sophisticated vampires in your life, they weren't uncommon. But these things were different. Not a single speck of humanity left in them, driven mad by hunger and bloodlust.

But the giant wolf was your biggest concern. He stood so tall he had to walk through the door on all fours.

"This is insane!" You were mad. Not even angry, just furious with this turn of events.

A noise came from the cage, one you recognized immediately. The sound of "I'm gonna be okay". And it came just in time as the round start rung through the hall and the crowd began to chant for a fight.

"Baby let's go! Show'em what you got!" He took in your words and focussed.

He went to work calculated, using the cage itself to climb up to the winged beasts, using his skill aquired in the woods to hop from side to side and snatch the bats off the cage walls and tear through their wings. He had to take them out fast to make sure their bites wouldn't poison him.

He took one by the wing and tossed it at the other one that jumped at him. Colliding mid-air with a crack they fell to the floor, the giant white beast sidestepping easily and keeping an eye on your fighter. The cheers from the crowd were fueling his fire as he jumped down after the bats and landed on all fours, paws all placed strategically and crushing skulls and spines before hopping off and focusing on the big guy now, who had surprisingly let him do his thing for now.

"Dee, he's observing! Go nuts!" He had fought so many different creatures he had built up quite the skillset.

The thing was huge, bulky and probably less quick. He had to be light on his feet, even with his massive weight and added metal.

They circled, snarling and snapping at each other before the big one lunged. His move was dodged with a jump, but claws still found their way into his leg, tearing the flesh. His other hindleg managed to make it up high enough to land a metal clawed kick to the back of the grey furred neck and grabbing onto the mane to stay on top of him and claw at the beast.

With a pained roar he was trashed off and sent to the ground, slamming into the side of the cage and taking a massive claw to the face, cracking his jaw.

With his uninjured leg he managed to shove himself out of the way and dodge the next hit that got caught by the cage. It gave your beast a moment to slash at the tendons in the leg and render it immobile for at least a little while.

He had to use this opening. His metal claw tips made easy work of other muscles in his limbs, taking them out one by one in swift, calculated moves.

The grey monster sat on its knees, snapping its jaw in any direction your wolf went in but made the mistake to let out an open mouthed growl.

Without a second thought two claws were grabbing each jaw, claws piercing the inside of the mouth and fangs digging deep into the delicate flesh of pawpads.

The beast thrashed but was no match anymore for the scarred wolf high on adrenaline. He felt like the king as he pulled at the jaws and tore his opponent's head in half with a loud howl that reverberated through the building. Cheers and howls from the crowd joined your killer's mighty roars as he took in the love from the crowd.

"He remains king of the cage! Dixon wins!"

The announcer's voice cut through the crowd as you made your way down to the entry corridors where your beast had retreated. The cloak you wore tossed ovwe the beast as he sat down against the wall.

"You did amazing, dear." Your hands went to rest on his cheeks. "Come back to me, Daryl."

With the call of his name it was like a switch was flipped. His eyes went back to their human shade with a few blinks and his body followed suit. As he turned his leg healed enough tonwalk back to your prep room, running him a bath to relax his muscles and worship him in any way he wished for.

"The hell were those three?" His voice was raspy from the fights. "Fuckin' crazy them folks."

You couldn't help but let out a laugh at his comment. "It was rude to not warn us. But you won!" You leaned in to kiss his head. "So, you want a reward?"

The bath was suddenly a lot less needed. Daryl stepped out and hauled you over his shoulder and threw you on the bed.

"Yeah, love me nice rewardin' night with ma woman."

Yeah, you'd collect your prize tomorrow.

A/N: This popped into my head this morning. The song prompted a full crazy idea so here we go I guess? Enjoy!!

[cumulo-stratus]

can i request an angst emily prentiss x reader fic

where hotch wants to use emily as bait for an unsub and reader doesn't agree and they fight over it (or smth like that (sorry im so bad at this 😭😭😭))

Bait[e.p]

You and Emily were fast friends, both new to the unit. But friends and others fight.

WARNINGS- angst, use of y/n

Emily Prentiss x gn!reader ][ angst ][ masterlist

a/n- thanks for the request anon! I had so much trouble writing this, so sorry it's kinda short but I needed to get It out of my brain 😅

0.53k

"Emily I'm not letting you go get hurt just to prove yourself to the team!” 

Your voice strained, almost cracking from the tears welling at the back of your throat. Emily gave a look, her furrowed  eyebrows pairing nicely with a death stare directed at you.

“Look y/n, I  don't think you know what i'm capable of,  don't baby me.” 

Her stone cold expression flickered for a moment when she spoke. Most people wouldn't have noticed it. But then you weren't most people, especially not to Emily. 

“Emily- i- I'm not trying to baby you I just care about you-”

You cut yourself off with a sigh, immediately noticing how Emily's look hardened at the expression of sentiment. 

Before either could make the argument worse, Hotch gave the pair a beckoning stare. You were the first to turn on your heal and make your way back to the rest of the group. 

Emily waited for a moment, staring regretfully at the back of your head. She knew why you had said what you had said- and it wasn't fair of her to respond like that. 

When Emily finally joined the team gathered around a conference table laying out the plans, there was an uncomfortable air of tension. The only one who wouldn't  look at Emily when she arrived was you. 

You diverted your eyes, busying them with getting your files in order. The whole team was blatantly aware, but said nothing. No one wanted to get in Emily's way, she was already scary enough. 

Hotch in his all knowing-ness was aware of the argument, and the almost palpable tension. But he wasn't going to interfere so he just continued on. 

“Alright Emily you'll be the client. We just need you to get close enough to pull a gun on him, he's too skittish and we need to draw him out.”

Emily and Hotch exchanged curt nods, before allowing everyone to disperse, and get ready for the confrontation. 

Emily lingered, gathering her paperwork. You lingered, watching Emily gather her paperwork. 

“Don't go, please.” 

Your voice was meak, and ever so heartbreaking. Emily was sure she could hear cracks forming in her chest. 

There was deep caring behind the words in the way your voice broke a tiny bit and how you stared directly into Emily's eyes,  especially now. But Emily couldn't look back, her walls building themselves higher with each glance you threw her.  

Emily gathered herself with a long sigh, she managed to give you a weak look. “I have to, you know this.”

“But you don't have to, Emily- you don't”

“I'm going.”

With that Emily turned on her heel and went to change into her ‘client’ outfit. 

This time you were left staring at her back as she walked away. 

The End

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[cheynovak]

A Soldier's present 

Soldier boy x F/Reader   

Warnings:  none I guess 

Side note: English isn’t my first language.  

Since a few people were interested in a follow up of the story A Soldier’s Past, including @anundyingfidelity who is also a writer I admire very much!

And because my toxic trait is to think I can heal broken fictional men. I decided to make a part two to this story.  (I'm not going to lie, it was already written 😂🙈)

Anyway... Have fun! 😁

*Does not follow the boys timeline* 

-- 

Y/N is a museum clerk at the old Vought Museum on the edge of town. The only and old exhibition about Soldier Boy standing will end in a few weeks, Vought found a new purpose for the museum. Meaning the exhibition will end and Y/N will need to search for a new job. 

After giving Soldier boy one last tour of the museum, he asked her to dinner.  

--  

The next night. 

The crisp evening air carried a hint of anticipation as Y/N stood outside the museum, her heart beating fast with excitement. She had spent hours getting ready, carefully selecting the perfect outfit and styling her hair, all in preparation for her dinner with Soldier Boy. 

As the minutes ticked by, however, a sense of unease began to gnaw at the edges of her consciousness. Where was Soldier Boy? Had something come up? Or worse, had he changed his mind about their plans? 

Y/N glanced at her phone, willing herself to remain patient. Perhaps he was just running late, she reasoned, trying to hold back the worry in her chest. 

But as the minutes turned into hours, and still there was no sign of Ben, Y/N's heart sank. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she realized that he wasn't coming. The weight of disappointment settled heavily upon her shoulders, threatening to crush her beneath its suffocating embrace. 

She had been so foolish to believe that Soldier Boy's interest in her was genuine, so naive. With a heavy sigh, Y/N turned away from the museum, her footsteps heavy with sorrow as she made her way home.  

Y/N wiped away her tears and pushed herself to walk away. She refused to let Soldier Boy's absence ruin her evening. Instead, she decided to take matters into her own hands. 

Without a second thought, Y/N made her way to a nearby bar, her heart still heavy with disappointment but her spirit undaunted. She knew that drowning her sorrows in alcohol wasn't the solution, but tonight, she needed a distraction. 

As she entered the old blues bar, the sounds of laughter and music, the scent of alcohol hung heavy in the air, mingling with the buzz of conversation and the clinking of glasses. 

Y/N found an empty stool at the bar and took a seat and ordered her first drink at the bar. As the night wore on and Y/N saw a familiar figure suddenly appeared before her. It was Soldier Boy, his presence unexpected yet strangely welcome amidst the haze of alcohol and music. 

Y/N's heart skipped a beat as she looked up to see him standing there, offering her a tentative smile. Despite the pain he had caused her earlier, she couldn't deny the flutter of excitement that stirred within her at the sight of him. 

Ben approached her with a sense of hesitance, as if unsure of how she would react to his sudden appearance. "Hi," he said softly, his voice tinged with regret. "Mind if I join you?"  

With a sigh, Y/N nodded, gesturing to the empty stool beside her. “It’s a free country.” Part of her longed to hear his explanation, to understand why he had stood her up. Ben took a seat beside her, his gaze searching hers for any sign of forgiveness. 

 "I'm sorry," he began, his voice heavy with remorse. "I know I messed up tonight. I should have been there, but something came up..." He didn’t finish his sentence. Y/N looked at her drink “I get it, I was foolish to think you actually were interested in little old me.”  

His heart felt heavy hearing her words.” Please, let me make it up to you. Let me buy you a drink.” Looking at her hoping she would at least once look at him. "I don't know.” she admitted quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. 

She noticed how he turned to her, his knee almost touching her thigh. Unable to keep her gaze away she looked up at him. Behind the green of his eyes, she saw so much hidden emotions: tired, afraid, angry, scared, hopeful.  

Y/N hesitated for a moment. Finally, she nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Alright," she said softly. "One drink.” Another emotion, glimmer of happiness appeared. 

As their drinks arrived, Y/N took a deep breath, steeling herself for the conversation ahead. "Why were you late?" she asked, her voice soft yet filled with a hint of urgency. 

Soldier Boy hesitated for a moment, his gaze dropping to his drink as he searched for the right words. "I... I got caught up in something," he admitted, his voice tinged with regret. "Something unexpected came up, and I couldn't leave." 

Y/N studied him carefully, searching his eyes for any sign but he was unreadable. "Can you be more specific?" she pressed gently, her curiosity getting the better of her. Ben sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "It's complicated," he replied evasively, his eyes avoiding hers. 

Y/N's brow furrowed with concern, a flicker of frustration creeping into her voice ‘Fine.” Y/N's grip tightened around her glass, her knuckles turning white with the intensity of her emotions. She took a deep breath and finished her drink.  

Y/N pushed herself up from the stool and made her way towards the exit of the blues bar. Each step felt like a battle against the weight of disappointment. Ben watched her go. He wanted to reach out, to stop her from leaving.  

But decided it was best to let her go.  

As Y/N stepped out into the cool night air, her mind still reeling from the encounter with Soldier Boy, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. Not only had he stood her up, but he hadn't even bothered to compliment her.  

Lost in her thoughts, Y/N barely noticed the two men following her at first. It wasn't until she heard the faint sound of footsteps echoing behind her that she glanced over her shoulder, her heart skipping a beat as she caught sight of their looming figures in the darkness. 

A sense of unease settled over her like a heavy weight as she quickened her pace, her footsteps echoing against the deserted streets. Just as panic threatened to consume her, a voice broke through the silence.  

"Hey, where are you going pretty thing?" the voice called out, “Wanna have some fun?” Y/N looked over her shoulders again ignoring the two men. Just as one wraps his hand around her arm and pushes her against the wall, she hears a familiar voice.  

“Y/N!” The men took a step back pretending to be familiar. Y/N turned to see Soldier Boy running towards her, his expression filled with concern and determination. Relief flooded through her at the sight of him, a surge of gratitude washing away the fear that had threatened to consume her. 

"Ben," she breathed, her voice trembling with emotion. 

Without hesitation, he stepped forward, positioning himself between Y/N and the two men who had been following her. His stance was protective, his gaze steely as he faced down the threat. 

"Back off," he warned, his voice low and menacing. The two men hesitated for a moment clearly calculating their chances. But when Ben took another step forward one of them recognised him. “Fuck dude, do you know who that is? Let’s get outta here.” he tapped his friend’s shoulder and started running.  

"Thank you," she said softly, her voice filled with genuine appreciation. Soldier Boy smiled, a flicker of warmth in his eyes. And as they stood there together in the quiet of the night, Y/N felt a sense of peace settle over her. 

“Are you alright?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine worry. Y/N nodded, her breath still coming in short, uneven gasps. "I... I think so," she replied, her voice trembling slightly. 

Soldier Boy reached out to gently touch her arm, his touch comforting. "Do you want me to walk you home?" he offered, his tone soft yet filled with determination. "Just to be safe." "Thank you," she whispered.  

Y/N knew that she was safe. And as they neared her apartment building, she couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude. She turned to Soldier Boy with a small smile, the tension of the night gradually fading into the background. 

"How about another drink?" she asked, her voice warm and steady. Ben was hesitated for a moment, his gaze searching hers for clarification. “When?” Her smiled widened, “Let me rephrase that.”  

"Would you like to come up for a drink?" she offered.  

Ben’s eyes widened, "I would like that," he replied, his voice filled with sincerity, nerves rushing through his body. Not knowing what to expect, it had been ages since a woman invited him in her house. What did she mean, was a drink a clue for more, is she just friendly...  

But the second he stepped inside Y/N's apartment and closed the door behind him, a sense of calm settled over them like a comforting embrace. 

Y/N led Ben to the living room, gesturing for him to take a seat on the couch while she disappeared into the kitchen to fetch drinks, Ben's gaze lingered on her retreating figure, a soft smile playing at the corners of his lips. 

He couldn't help but admire the way she moved with grace and confidence, her presence filling the room with warmth and light. 

When she returned with two glasses, one filled with wine and the other with whiskey, Soldier Boy's eyes lit up with appreciation. He accepted the glass of whiskey with a grateful nod, his fingers brushing against hers in a fleeting touch that sent a shiver down his spine. 

"Thank you," he murmured, his voice tinged with sincerity. Y/N smiled in response, her eyes sparkling with warmth. 

As they settled onto the couch together, the soft glow of the lamp casting shadows across the room, Soldier Boy couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment wash over him. Despite the events of the evening, being here with Y/N felt like coming home.  

A feeling he hadn't experienced in a long, long time. 

"You look beautiful, tonight" he blurted out before he could stop himself, his words filled with genuine admiration. Y/N's cheeks flushed pink at the unexpected compliment, her eyes meeting his with a mixture of surprise and pleasure. "Thank you," 

As the night wore on and they continued to talk and laugh, Soldier Boy found himself drawn to Y/N in a way he couldn't quite explain. Her presence was like a magnet, pulling him closer with each passing moment.  

He stole glances at her whenever he thought she wasn't looking, the way her eyes sparkled with laughter and her smile lit up the room. He saw how her legs were tucked in under her, showing some skin of her thighs underneath her dress.  

Her arm hanging over the couch while her hand moved through her hair, tilting her head while listening to his stories. With each passing moment, Ben's fingers tingled with the desire to touch her.  

Gently, almost tentatively, he reached out to caress her arm, his touch light and fleeting as he traced a pattern on her arm. Their eyes met in silence, he was looking for any sign of discomfort.  

But when Ben didn’t notice anything, like a wave, drawing him closer to her in ways he couldn't fully comprehend. Emboldened by the electricity that crackled between them, his hand drifted lower, his fingers grazing over her thigh with a touch so delicate it was almost imperceptible.  

Y/N's breath hitched at the sensation, her heart pounding in her chest. As Soldier Boy felt Y/N's reaction, a wave of nervousness washed over him. Had he crossed a line? Had he overstepped?  

But all he found was a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes, a vulnerability that mirrored his own. "I'm sorry," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. 

Ben couldn’t help it but to feel in doubt. What was happening to him? The old him would have kissed this girl by now. Wouldn’t waste time sitting here listening to each other, no he would have dragged her to bed and fucked her till she couldn't walk anymore.  

But instead, he is afraid he overstepped? Pussy.  

Y/N's eyes softened at his apology, her heart swelling with compassion for the man sitting before her. "It's okay, Ben," she replied gently, reaching out to touch his hand in a gesture of reassurance. Her fingers drawing circles on his hand. 

And as they sat there together, the tension between them slowly easing with each passing moment. As Soldier Boy glanced at the clock, his heart sank at the realization of how late it had become.  

He knew he should get going, that it was time to leave Y/N's apartment and return to the outside world. But a part of him hoped that she would ask him to stay, if only for a little while longer. 

"I should probably get going," he said, his voice tinged with regret as he stood up from the couch. 

Y/N's heart twisted with a sense of longing at his words, a flicker of doubt creeping into her mind as she watched him prepare to leave. She knew she should let him go, that it was the sensible thing to do. But a part of her couldn't bear the thought of saying goodbye not when their connection felt so real, so undeniable. 

"Are you sure you have to leave?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "I mean... it's late, and... and you could stay if you wanted to." Soldier Boy's heart skipped a beat at her words, a surge of hope swelling at the thought of spending more time with her. 

"I appreciate the offer, Y/N," he replied softly, his voice filled with gratitude. "But I don't want to overstay my welcome. Besides, you probably have things to do tomorrow." 

Y/N nodded, a sense of disappointment settling over her like a heavy shroud. "Yeah, you're probably right," she murmured, her voice tinged with regret. As Soldier Boy made his way towards the door, Y/N couldn't shake the feeling of doubt that gnawed at her insides.  

Should she let him leave? 

As Ben stood at the door, preparing to leave, he found himself lingering just a moment longer, unwilling to let go. Afraid to lose the feeling they had the last few hours. Knowing in the morning she might not want to see him again.  

But before he could say a thing, Y/N's boldness surprised him. Fuelled by the courage of the wine and the intensity of her emotions, she reached out and gently took his hand, pulling him back into the room with a sense of determination that left him breathless. 

To his surprise, she pressed her lips to his, a soft, tender kiss filled with all the passion and longing that had been building between them throughout the night. Ben's heart skipped a beat at the sensation, his senses overwhelmed by the sweetness of her touch.  

As she dropped back on her heels he followed her, not willing to let go of her lips just yet. Their bodies pressed together in a silent declaration of desire and longing. 

For the first time since he walked this newfound world, he felt alive, no longer a living fossil, all thanks to the woman standing before him. He wrapped his arms around Y/N, pulling her closer until there was no space left between them. Their kiss deepened, becoming more urgent and desperate with each passing second.  

And as they broke apart, their breaths coming in ragged gasps she spoke “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” But he didn’t answer how she hoped he wanted.  

Ben sighed, his heart heavy with a mix of conflicting emotions. He gently pulled away from Y/N's embrace, his hands tender as he cupped her face, his eyes searching hers with a mixture of concern and tenderness. 

"Y/N," he murmured, his voice soft but firm. "I think you might be a little drunk right now. And I don't want to take advantage of you in this state." Y/N blinked, her head spinning with a whirlwind of emotions as she processed his words. She felt a pang of embarrassment wash over her.  

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered, her voice trembling with uncertainty. "I didn't mean to... I just..."Ben silenced her with a gentle brush of his lips against her, his thumb moving against her cheek in a soothing gesture. "It's okay," he reassured her, 

“I just don’t want you to leave yet.” Her puppy dog eyes worked their charm on him. With a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, a twinkle of affection in his eyes.  

"Now, why don't you let me make you some tea? It'll help sober you up, and then we can talk some more." And as they moved towards the kitchen together, Y/N couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the man standing there.  

Looking at him, he was clearly struggling to make a cup of tea, “You need a hand?” she asked, but determent to take care of her he answered “No, no I got it covered...”  

“... I think” he sighs.  

Y/N watched him. All these years of studying him, teaching about him, she couldn’t help but wonder. 

Is this caring man the real person behind the egocentric 'Soldier boy’ mask?  Who knows, but she was willing to find out more about him.

--

Let me know what you think, feel free to like, share or comment. Make sure you check out my masterlist.     

Taglist: @yvonneeeee @suckitands33

[mystic-orb88]

ARCANE SEASON 2 TRAILER (SPOILERS AHEAD)

Parallel Jinx smashed mirror scene in Season 1.

If you ever wondered what a Heimerding-dong Yordle skull looked like, here ya goooooo.

Jayce’s Hex gemstone Bracelet fused with his wrist.. Somehow.

Who?? WHOO?? This is prolly a LeBlanc thing, but who is this??

This young Jinx fanatic being carried away by Sevika parallels Vi and Powder being carried by Vander in the Season 1 Opening.

I need this Steampunk Shark Onesie/ Hood so bad. Is her hair cut there?? Her new outfit is sickkkkk.

This fight will be so satisfying. I’m not a Caitlyn hater, she’s an amazing character, but KICK HER ARSE, SEVIKA!!

THENN, they get blown up at least a few seconds later.

They be HEALING. the Arcane’s augmentations are fire.

Arcane Realm??

RYZE HAS RETURNED GUYS!!

Did someone die?? Her ‘X’ rope on her halter top thingy is missing, and she was crying. Then she throws a match into a pool of oil somewhere below where she stands. That ain’t safe.

GIVE MY BOY A BREAKK!! He looks like he has lost everything. Happy to see he has the Z- Drive though, yayyyyy WAHOOOO!!

WHOLE TRAILER, no sign if Viktor. The closest we got was the Arcane healing cult and Jayce holding something. Was that his hammer, or Viktor’s cane??

[louisupdates]

Show Review: Louis Tomlinson draws thousands to sold out Faith in the Future Tour stop

Olivia Khiel | July 5, 2023

Louis Tomlinson is leveling up and he’s starting with a new album and a tour that sold out a stop at Arizona Financial Theatre on Monday. The singer was joined by a killer backing band, along with openers Andrew Cushin and The Snuts for a high-energy evening of rock ‘n’ roll.

Fresh from their Las Vegas nightclub extravaganza, The Snuts shuffled onstage in the throes of vehicular issues that nearly derailed their Arizona appearance and perhaps a touch of a hangover. Regardless, the Scottish quartet gave the crowd a rollicking set that included “The Rodeo” and “Somebody Loves You”. They weren’t onstage long but they certainly made an impression on the excitable audience.

When Louis Tomlinson released Faith in the Future in late 2022, it marked a stronger era for the former One Directioner. That strength lent itself to larger scale stage production, a heavy rocking live band and an uncontainable love from millions of fans. The Arizona section of the fanbase showed up and showed out on Monday with their handmade signs and ear splitting screams every time Tomlinson so much as smiled. And really who could blame them when his grin lit up the entire theatre?

He admitted to feeling under the weather but still gave stellar performances of “Kill My Mind”, “Face the Music” (a favorite of ours from the new album) and the uplifting “We Made It”. Not one to forget his roots, Tomlinson also threw in covers of One Direction’s “Night Changes” and “Where Do Broken Hearts Go”, putting his own spin on the massive hits.

Tomlinson’s voice was a standout in One Direction and getting to hear him sing solo puts that uniqueness front and center. He also tells his story in raw and honest lyrics, never forgetting where he came from and where he knows he belongs.

The unreleased fan favorite “Copy of a Copy of a Copy” had another spotlight moment on this tour, along with a cover of Arctic Monkeys’ “505” done to perfection. At this point, Tomlinson’s weariness was starting to show but the fans carried him as he pushed through to end the main set with “Out of My System”.

Flashing lights and loud guitars brought Tomlinson back to the stage for an encore and he jumped down to the barricade to be in the arms of his adoring fans. Those arms and hands got aggressive, however, and he returned to his microphone rumpled and with holes torn in yet another stage outfit- prompting Tomlinson’s biggest smile of the night. He has a clear love of performing and described being in front of thousands of people who have lifted him up from the One Direction days to now as healing and exhilarating.

That adoration and joy was mirrored for the entire show and Tomlinson exited the stage to thunderous applause and the knowledge that we’d all be back next time.

Check out all the photos!

Story and photos by Olivia Khiel

Photos: part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Hey! I have a question: do you have any tips for learning to deal with clothes suddenly fitting you again? I know it sounds stupid, but for a long time, even very small sizes were loose on me. But today I discovered that a dress that I own and really like suddenly fits my chest the way it should (it was loose when I was at my worst), and I can't help but feel uncomfortable. I'm so used to swimming in clothes that having them actually touch my body parts feels... wrong. The physical sensation itself feels odd as well but there's also the psychological element - it does feel a bit like a failure of some sort.

Ooh, this can be tough. I know that a lot of us, myself included, took pleasure in our clothing feeling loose on us while we restricted. Feeling weird about how you look in clothes in general can be common too, I definitely have that from time to time. Honestly, still more often than I'd like.

Another thing about physically baggy clothes is that they can feel like camouflage for the things we feel most self-conscious about. And so, if you still need that for the time being and have the financial means to do so, you can take yourself shopping and get yourself some clothes a size or two up from where you're at, so that you can still have that looseness. Reminder, whether you are buying clothes for your current size, or clothes that are baggy on you - buying new clothes because your size changed is not a sign of failure. It is just a part of life. People go shopping for new clothes, and their body sizes fluctuate. You may need to remind yourself of this in order to feel positive while shopping.

Hell, even if you don't choose to buy new clothes that are baggy, maybe you could try buying new clothes just so that you can try re-inventing your look in a way that feels like your "healing self?" I don't know if that works for you, but swapping out clothes may be a helpful way of moving away from feeling like you need to go back to your "old self." You're moving forward, not to pre-ed, but to a healing, post-ed you. And maybe getting different clothing can help be a part of the process of claiming the person you're growing to become.

If none of that sounds quite right to you, maybe you can try this. Put on an outfit that fits you snugly right now, one that brings up those feelings in you. Take time, perhaps with a journal or some meditation music or a cup of tea, to examine the thoughts and feelings that come up for you around the way your clothes feel. Figure out what you need to tell yourself to counteract those negative feelings and then continuously remind yourself of these things. Practice wearing fitting clothes so that you can practice sitting through uncomfortable feelings and talking yourself through them as best as you can tolerate right now.

You can feel free to pick and choose from this advice, or apply bits and pieces of all of these solutions. Your relationship with your body is yours, so do whatever works for you.

[triplexdoublex]

Let Go (Chapter 1)

Paring: Jaden Hossler x Landon Barker

Tags/Warnings: blonde Jaden, dual POV , internalized homophobia, homophobia, religious gulit, scent kink, masturbation, mentions of Coopers death,

A/N: Breaking this long ass fic into chapters as requested. Landon’s 20 as this takes place last year.

Landon

Ever since Jaden started working with my dad and signed to his record label, our house has become his second home. And with a new Album in the works, Jaden’s been here more than usual lately, recording with my dad in his home studio until late at night. Most nights after recording he just crashes here. Despite the house having numerous guest rooms, Jaden usually opts for sleeping in my room.

The first time my dad introduced me to Jaden the two of us clicked right away and quickly became best friends, so I don’t mind the company; in fact I might enjoy it a little too much.

Jaden

After a long , but productive day of recording it feels great to just chill and play some video games in Landon’s room before we go to sleep. Landon’s sitting cross-legged on his bed just scrolling through social media, while im sitting at the end of the bed kicking serious ass in Call of Duty. I honestly love that about our friendship, how we can be doing totally different things at times and yet still enjoys eachother’s company. And there’s never any need for annoying small talk or pressure to feel like either of us have to keep the conversation going. But at the same time we can talk to each other about anything and everything. The only other person I was able to do that with was Cooper. Fuck, I miss him, man. His death broke me, and although I’ve been getting help and healing I’m not sure I’ll ever be fully put back together, but I’m trying. It’s part of the reason why I crash in Landon’s room almost every night. Besides it being easier than going back home for the night, staying with Landon makes feel less alone and keeps me from getting lost in own head. He’s been a big help with adjusting to life in LA too, Moving from the south to LA a few years ago was a bit of a culture shock for me, and I don’t know what I would have done without Landon in my life to guide me through it. I seriously love him so much…No Homo. Ugh, I wish I could stop feeling the need to think or say shit like that anytime I compliment or express how much one of my male friends mean to me. Growing up in a Conservative Christian household in Texas and Tennessee will definitely do that to you. I’ve definitely grown as a person and have become more open minded and accepting since moving to LA. I’ve met and worked with some of the coolest people, a lot of which are from the LGBT+ community, including some of my fans—who i adore more than anything. I’m tying my hardest to let go of the homophobic ways of thinking that’s been ingrained in me from my life in the south and Christianity, and for the most part I have. I even joined an inclusive church out here but something about it still makes me uncomfortable for some reason and I can’t quite put my finger on it, and why I have the insitent need to make sure no one assumes or gets the impression that I’m gay, because I’m not, I’m totally straight.

Landon

I’m bisexual, I’ve known that for some time. Maybe bi-curious is more accurate? I don’t really know. All I know is as far back as I can remember I’ve found both women and men attractive, I thought everyone did. It wasn’t until I was like fourteen and one of my friends asked me if I liked the outfit he had picked out for the first day of freshman year, and I told him I thought he would look cute in it, and he asked me if I was gay? I never gave it much thought before, with LA being one of the most LGBT+ friendly places in the United States, I never really had to, it didn’t matter. But after that I found myself wanting an answer to that question too. And with some unsupervised computer time and a bottle of lotion, I quickly learned that I was, in fact, at the very least, bisexual. And although I never actually developed any crushes on my male friends or felt the urge to experiment with them, the glow of the computer screen in my dark bedroom at night became a routine, became like NyQuil to me. I’ve kept it to myself all these years, never feeling the need to come out as it was more of just a guilty pleasure and I was content with not taking it further in real life, but that all changed one day this past year while playing basketball with Jaden in the LA heat. I was about to go for a slam dunk, when Jaden jumped right in front of me, arms up, blocking my shot. The sweaty musk of Jaden’s underarms fighting its way through his fading deodorant took me by surprise. I don’t know if it was his pheromones or what, but I would have bottled the scent and doused myself with it until I drowned, It was that intoxicating. I wanted more, wanted him, his sweat, his smell, his body, his everything— fuck, I wanted Jaden.

Jaden

I’m about win Call of Duty when out of nowhere I get shot.

“Fuuuck, I was sooo close,” My body falls back in defeat, my head accidentally landing in Landon’s lap. “Oh shit, dude, sorry!” I quickly sit back up, but Landon stops me.

“It’s fine,” he says “I don’t mind. You’ve been playing that game all night. Just relax.”

“O-ok, you uh..” I scratch the back of my neck, “You sure?” I question, but I’m laying back down before he even answers.

My brain is overflowing with confusing thoughts: Is this normal? Do guy friends do this type of stuff? Is this cuddling, it certainly feels like at least a form of cuddling. And my body seems to be responding the same way as it does to cuddling; I feel safe and comfortable and a little warm inside. I’ve only cuddled with girls though. I didn’t know you could cuddle with your guy friends too? And that’s like acceptable? I’m still learning where the line between anti-toxic masculinity and being gay crosses or if that’s even a thing? But one thing is for sure, LA and the South have VERY different opinions on what’s considered gay.

What’s considered gay in the South: looking at another guy for more than two seconds, hugging another male (a quick pat is all you need), giving a guy a compliment, having excellent hygiene— hell I know some guys that don’t wash their ass cuz ‘it’s gay.’

What’s considered gay in LA: Actually being gay. So since I’m straight I guess this is okay? I hope so because I hate to admit that I really like this.

Landon

Don’t touch his hair, don’t get hard, don’t touch his hair, don’t get hard .But fuck it’s all I wanna do. I’ve had this fantasy many times before except usually he’s face down in my lap, my fingers lost in his hair as I palm the back of his head.

I shake my head to clear the image from my mind like an Etch-a stretch.I hate that sometimes my desire for him is so strong, I think about him in ways I know he wouldn’t approve of. It feels like betrayal, it feels wrong. He’s my best friend, I don’t like hiding this from him, but I know, he would be disgusted with me if he knew, I mean wouldn’t anyone, gay, bi or not? Imagine finding out the person you trust the most has been secretly getting off to you. I do my best not to give into the temptation, but how can I not when he’s gone at the studio all day and my bedsheets still smell like him.

I shouldn’t but I do, I let my fingertips flirt with pieces of his bleach blonde hair— my absolute favorite look on him by the way— aimlessly twirling small tuffs as Jaden searches through Netflix for something to watch. In the short time it takes him to choose something, my fingers have found themselves even deeper, my nails lightly grazing his scalp in a circular motion. I half expect him to tell me to stop any second now but when he lets out a small moan, it’s me who stops.

Jaden

“Holy shit, man, I’m sorry. I-I just got way too relaxed there for a second,” I blurt out in embarrassment the second I feel Landon’s hand pause in my hair. It was kind of an odd thing for him to do in the first place, and at the beginning, my old ways of thinking started creeping back in, but then I noticed my body slowly relaxing into his touch. We’ve spent so much time together lately, I think he’s just stating to know me better than I know myself, because after a long day in the studio, relaxation, is exactly what I need

“No worries,” Landon says with a small chuff of laughter “Everything’s all good bro. You really gotta stop apologizing tonight.” He starts scratching my scalp again but then pauses once more. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Actually, umm i-if you don’t mind doing it just a little longer, it’s really helping me unwind before bed.”

“Of course,” Landon agrees.

Landon

And now he’s asleep in my lap. God, he’s so beautiful, I could stare at him forever; his flawless skin, jaw so sharp it could kill a man, his full pink lips just slightly part—nonooonoo, fuck, I gotta get him off me before my dick wakes him up first. I cradle the back of his head with my hands and gently lift him from my lap, replacing my body with a pillow. He’s on my side of the bed, so I have no choice but to sleep on his.

Not even five minutes into being on his side I know there’s no way I’m getting any sleep, because despite being tired, part of me is very alert right now. I can’t control it, his smell is all around me; the sheet under me, the blankets on top, and don’t even get me started on his pillow— I can see the TMZ headlines now: ‘Landon Barker dead at 20! It appears the son of Blink182’s drummer, Travis Barker has died from accidentally asphyxiating himself with a pillow.’ I’d bury my face in it and forget to come up for air.

There’s only one thing I can do to fix it, it certainly isn’t gonna go away on its own. This time I allow myself to think of Jaden as I tug on my cock because I know it’s the quickest way to finish; alternating between pretending my tight grip is his mouth and his ass. I get too lost in the fantasy and before I can stop myself a breathy “Jaden,” tumbles from my lips…