#and a lot of people can't do that and will never get that bc we live on the miserable hell ball
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Inchie we need your words of reason again 🙏 Newer fans have bled over from other hockey rpf and keep crossing lines 🫥
babe idk how wise I am ?? at all but I'm a firm believer in using common sense about rpf. and I haven't personally seen the stuff you're alluding to but! I've seen posts referring to it and I heard smth about another ship suffering a containment breach… so can't hurt to throw my 2c in as well ?? idk?
tl;dr that landoscar is NOT the ship for you if you 're going to try and force it to be "real" in a l*rry way*. this ship adores the real life friendship without having it compete with the guys' other many friendships - and we do NOT hate women and women partners or pretend they're beards/fakes/conveniently open relationship. and we absolutely do NOT push rpf outside of fandom. you'll get blocked/reported if you do. this is NOT the space for you to find your next "omg what if they're actually fcking" ship. Lily and Oscar are basically forever, Lando is rightfully loving his life sharing his beautiful body with people, and the fan fiction for the ship is staggeringly amazing so we're very very happy w the status quo <3
and we do NOT share rpf content with Lando, Oscar, anyone in F1, the families - basically if they're not someone you know solely in fandom, you don't share rpf with them. again, you will not find support for that here.
I "officially" joined landoscar fandom around Silverstone 2023 and these have been the hard lines taken for as long as I can remember and from all of the OG people in this fandom. esp from people who've been here since Oscar's Alpine tweet bc landoscar is unique in not having led with a PR image and we've all gotten to see every nervous, stumbling and authentic progression of their partnership and friendship along the way - at no point feeling the need to cross the boundary between fic and reality. it truly is charming and intriguing and rewarding as it exists in reality!
as far as the 'why' essay I'll drop all that where it can be ignored easily aslfgjalgf
like I said - landoscar has always been the exception of no one ever slipping over into trying to "make it real" in large part bc Lando and Oscar don't do the PR bromance/fake gay/fan service stuff which !reminder! is content in other ships I absolutely eat up and is 100% targeted to me but !! I'm also aware is connected to a lot of inappropriate fan behavior from ppl who blur the lines between amusing PR content and reality. trust me, I had to basically abandon carland0 which was my very first f1 ship bc to this day - fully out in the open - I see casual misogyny thrown around about Rebecca and ppl truly loudly thinking Lando and Carlos - who have always referred to each other as brothers and who laugh at the "gay" stuff they do precisely bc it's not real - genuinely fcked and/or dated. I will never care enough about an rpf ship to willingly encounter that shit on a regular basis. I know there's a lot of good ppl in the ship who don't engage in that stuff but I have such a hard line about wag hate that it's not worth it for me.
ironically or maybe because of, Lando and Oscar are the only drivers to NOT engage in playing gay for laughs BUT also who hit multiple progressive bullet points in things like discussing romance and dating in gender neutral terms and not making a big deal out of consuming or discussing queer media etc. they actually walk the walk in not pushing gender identity or sexual orientation on hypotheticals or on each other. they also don't do any macho/tradmasc behavior with each other or even bro-ey stuff like rough-housing or loud, aggressive humor (nothing wrong with loud bro stuff tho as long as it doesn't veer into toxic territory! I come from hockeyblr originally so it can be really sweet!)
and landoscar is also the exception in that we all ADORE Lily and have zero interest in trying to erase her let alone anyone be hostile toward her. in straight people culture they're basically already married and that's how they were when landoscar started as a ship! a lot of us have regularly made posts similar to this for newer fans to remind them that Lily (and whoever Lando ends up with as a steady partner) are NOT pawns in an rpf game. Lily is a real human woman with a real life relationship with Oscar and while no one is obliged to engage w wag content, respecting her existence is the bare minimum expected.
the last point I should make is that there's a very clear difference for instance on my blog where I see fanservice ship content about say charl0s or frand0 or n0rtrell and lose my mind over it and love it etc. but then there's Alex or Rebecca or Pietra on my blog! bc I can have fun without erasing women or losing common sense!!
whereas whenever I post stuff about a friendship that rly does make me Feel Things and write my insane essays, it's bc of what the relationships verifiably are and not what they aren't. Max F truly has a complexity and level of depth in his relationship with Lando that is unique and special to each other's lives. in the same way, Lando and Oscar truly do have a particular charm and fondness for each other that's made them approach each other unusually tentatively and slowly - while also having such intense blushing fondness as well as a uniquely intriguing maturity to their professional partnership. this stuff is fascinating and those two examples in particular swim around into all kinds of social/emotional territory.
in ways that do not require conspiracies and fan theories of them fcking or dating to make them compelling.
(and tbh the fact that Lando has some form of "crush" on a lot of handsome men and subconsciously/consciously "flirts" is absolutely fine to enjoy... as long as none of it gets outside of fandom.)
and the fan fiction for landoscar is truly TRULY staggeringly prolific and immensely talented so that's where we go for imagining them in any other type of reality <3
*do not get mad or whatever abt this - if you did or still do just want to ship l*rry privately then whatever but that's the like terrible gold standard for horrific real life repercussions of taking rpf seriously and why fandoms should never ever allow that to happen. there's no debate about that.
#inchreplies#landoscar#mctwinks#twinklaren#using all the tags bc if this is genuinely a problem then we gotta root it out#as someone who makes content about this one ship I am not saying I'm like a major blog or anything#just that with a certain amount of followers it's definitely smth I should weigh in on if that makes sense#wank adjacent#pinned post
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need to know if sammy ever finds out about what kevin and will said
part 3! i think this is gonna be the last part to this side plot unless you guys want me to make a part about samy confronting kevin + breaking up with him or anything else you wanted from this side plot
au masterlist | previous part
"i don't know, will, i think you should tell her the truth," ryan mumbled quietly in the kitchen of the hughes house where marcie and gabe stood around the kitchen island nodding in agreement. the blonde flushed, adverting his gaze from theirs.
it was the weekend, 3 days after the fight between will and kevin. the boy's poor bruise hadn't gotten any better either. it turned that familiar purple-yellow-green color where anyone who saw it would stare a little too long and wonder where it came from. samy had invited the guys and her close friends over to her house as a little post-win celebration. the three happened to find themselves upstairs for a moment away from the commotion down in the basement and ryan brought it up first as he watched his friend wince anytime he talked.
everyone knew the brunette was being serious too because ryan never called will by his first name unless he was being really serious. "it's a perfect time, too, because kevin isn't here," marcie added, but all will did was shake his head.
"guys, i can't. you know i can't."
"dude, he fucking punched you first and yet he's the one threatening you with the video of it. it should be the other way around," gabe scoffed and the other two nodded again.
"yeah, i know he's a fucking idiot, but i can't. if it were any other time, any other year, i wouldn't care, but it's the last year of ntdp. they're counting on me and if i can't play, i'm letting the whole team down," will specifically looked at ryan and gabe when he said that part. "plus, if that video gets out, they could take back my decision about boston. i can't risk that," there was so much riding on this and usually, will wouldn't care about any of it when it came to samy, but he had to this time around.
there was a lot of big things coming up in the next few months and he couldn't ruin it by a stupid video getting out (even if he wasn't in the wrong).
the other three slowly began understanding where will was coming from. a sigh escaped marcie's lips, "you having like 15 people from your family going to bc doesn't hold any weight if the video did get out? would they really take away your spot like that?"
"i mean not really, and yeah they could. we have to keep up our grades and hockey which means no funny business a.k.a no video of me punching and tackling some kid to the ground," gabe and ryan nodded along to the blonde's words.
the weight of this situation seemed to be really hitting everyone.
"well, shit. you shouldn't have to be watching your back for the rest of the year just because of kevin's words and actions. that's not fair because you didn't do anything wrong besides punch him back when he punched first," the girl frowned deeply, shaking her head in frustration.
"that's the technicality of it. i punched back. if i didn't, it might've been different but i engaged in it," will sighed too.
"but what if you did talk to samy and she was able to do something about it like talk to kevin and make sure all the videos are deleted?" gabe suggested, but his idea was shot down when the hockey player shook his head again.
"no, i'm not doing that. kevin was pretty serious the other night about more consequences happening if samy did find out the truth. i don't even wanna begin to think what he would do to her or hurt her if she ended up finding out and confronting him. plus, i don't wanna be the one to tell her how shitty her boyfriend is."
"kevin wouldn't hurt her, i know that. he has a weird soft spot for her," marcie cut in.
"either way, that's not the kind of friend i wanna be to her. if she's happy, then she's happy. i don't wanna ruin that for her," the blonde stated.
"well how happy can she really be if her boyfriend is hurting her other friends, especially the one that means the most to her?" ryan pointed out, raising his eyebrow. "i think she'd appreciate it more if she knew the truth than it being kept from her. i think she'd beat herself up more about it if she found out she didn't know."
"who's boyfriend is hurting who?" samy's sudden voice made all four of them jump. she was lingering in the entryway, her gaze finding will's first before drifting across to marcie, gabe, and ryan.
the blonde flushed, his gaze rushing to any of the other three for help. they struggled and quickly knew they couldn't lie their way out this time.
"maybe we should let you guys talk.." ryan mumbled, nodding his head to the door for the others to follow. samy grew even more confused while will glared at them as they snuck out.
"seriously guys?" the blonde huffed.
gabe just winked before completely disappearing from the kitchen. only will and samy were the ones left.
"so.." samy wondered carefully, her eyes on her friend in front of her who shut his eyes briefly.
"wanna go outside? it might be quiter," the hockey player suggested in an attempt to stall for more time and figure out how he was gonna word this.
samy didn't say anything as she followed will to the back patio. the two sat down on the top step, a bit of an uncomfortable silence surrounding them.
"remember when marcie said she hit me on the cheek and that's how i got this bruise?" the blonde finally began.
"yeah?"
"that wasn't true..we were lying to you," will cringed at his own words and avoided samy's gaze.
"lying? what? why? who gave you that bruise then?" the brunette pushed her questions all to which will hesitated in telling her again. she found his gaze, her own clouded over with worry and concern for him.
"your boyfriend," will admitted quietly.
there was a slight pause.
"kevin?"
"i wasn't supposed to tell you, but you walked in at the wrong time when we were talking about it," will looked away again.
"kevin punched you? why? why didn't you tell me sooner? are you okay?" more questions flew from her mouth in a crazy rush.
"because he threatened me, samy. he threatened me with a video of it happening when i punched him back in exchange that i wouldn't tell you," the blonde cut her off, his tone becoming a bit firm which shocked both of them.
"threatened you? will, what the fuck. a video? why did he not want me to know?" the boy cringed for probably the fourth time. he picked at the skin on his fingers to do anything to keep his eyes off the girl beside him.
"we shouldn't even be talking about this," the blonde muttered.
"will, tell me."
"him and his friend tyler were standing behind gabe and i during halftime at the game. they were trying pull a reaction from..from well, me, and tyler started saying how kevin was so lucky because you're the hottest girl at school and he'd totally fuck you if kevin didn't already have dibs. kevin never defended you and it pissed me off what they were saying about you, so i whipped around and told them to shut up and stop. they didn't and we argued and then kevin punched me. i punched back and we started actually fighting one another," the whole entire story slipped from the hockey player's lips and he left out the part where kevin was taunting him about liking samy too.
the youngest hughes was silent for a good 30 seconds as she processed everything will just told her. he sat there nervously awaiting her response.
“then he threatened me with a video of the whole thing and how he’d post it so i’d get in trouble by my coaches if i ended up telling you or anyone else the truth about what happened,” the blonde continued when samy didn’t say anything.
“holy shit, will. i didn’t even know or even suspect..” the girl trailed off.
“i mean how could you have? we lied to you and i’m sure kevin did too.”
“jesus..that’s why you didn’t wanna tell me?” they finally met each other’s eyes.
“if it were any other year, i’d tell you in a heartbeat, but with this being the last year of..everything, i couldn’t risk it. i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have..”
“don’t apologize to me. you have nothing to be sorry for, will. you didn’t do anything wrong. fucking kevin did and punched you and i’m so sorry he did,” samy shook her head.
“i was just scared of what he’d do to you if you found out the truth and confronted him if he could throw a nasty punch like that to me,” they both frowned.
“well, i am gonna confront him either way. he shouldn’t be doing this shit, especially to my friends. i-i should’ve known. i don’t know why i didn’t push further about it to the other night.”
“if he finds out you know he’s gonna do a lot of real damage,” will grimaced.
“well, i’ll make sure he doesn’t. trust me, will. he has a soft spot for me. i’ll make sure he deletes that video and..i think i’m gonna break up with him,” the last part caught will of guard even though everyone’s been wanting that since they got together.
“break up with him?”
“i’ve been thinking about it for..since three weeks into the relationship but i wasn’t sure. this can be my real excuse that i don’t wanna be with someone who treats my friends that way,” the girl explained with another shake of her head.
“i-i didn’t..i don’t wanna be the reason you break up with him though if you really like him,” will sputtered.
“i don’t..really like him. he was just someone that was there..i don’t know. he’s been saying shit to me and i just don’t wanna deal with that anymore.”
“shit, i’m sorry, samy,” the hockey player frowned.
“don’t worry about it. thanks for telling me, will. i’m glad you’re okay and please don’t be afraid to tell me stuff like that. you’re my best friend and i don’t want people hurting you because you’re someone i’m close with,” she caressed the bruise and her touch sent will’s entire body on fire.
she was so gentle with her fingers and those thoughts will’s been trying to keep down came running up his chest like a finish line. so much so that he nearly did something about it until the back door flew open and the two pulled apart.
“shit, sorry,” it was lauren.
“you’re fine. what’s up?” samy jumped up.
“nothing, we were just looking for you. didn’t mean to interrupt..” will stood up too and quickly shook his head.
“you weren’t interrupting. we were just talking,” the blonde managed.
lauren glanced between the two again before slowly nodding and disappearing back inside. will let out a small breath he was holding it, shaking off the feeling of how close him and samy were to kissing.
“i’ll talk to him. don’t worry, okay?” samy said one last time, her hand on his arm.
“yeah, thanks,” the blonde smiled.
she returned his smile before the two headed back inside to continue the party. the rest of the night will’s mind was filled with the feeling of samy’s touch on his skin and how he wanted it to happen again and again.
#will smith hockey#hughes!sister x will smith au#samy x will#samy hughes#will smith x oc#will smith imagine#boston college hockey#boston college#uofmichigan#umich hockey#wi smith hockey fluff#will smith hockey angst#ws6#wsh2#umich#umich blurb#umich fic#umich imagine#umich wolverines#umich soccer#san jose sharks#sjs#sj sharks#gabe perrault#ryan leonard#bc eagles#bc hockey#nhl#nhl hockey#umichsoccer
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invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)
[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."
Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”
Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.
At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.
"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.
Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”
Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."
In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]
Credits for ID here and here
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because#it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has#given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably#since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc#of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:)#in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun#but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots#he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at#the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is.#mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax#but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe#the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww#u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww#ruporas art
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The king and queen are visiting Paiporta and they receive them with mud xd two men have spoken to the king and told him to do something, but we all know that he is going to go to his palace and cross his arms because It's literally the only thing he can do. Is this what had to happen for people to realize that asking the king for help is nonsense? He has no power, he is only there to parade around. They have kicked out volunteers from the site to let the king and his escorts (police and military) pass, which is the first time they have touched that ground and they are going to do NOTHING. The president is doing the same. The president of Valencia is doing the same.
#this is never before seen stuff by the way. the monarchy was restituted in 1975 after the dictatorship and celebrated for it#and the president of valencia is basically the higher power here as the state of alarm he declared makes it so the national government#cant help. he has all the jurisdiction and all the responsibility. and yes he is from a right wing party. a lot of people are blaming the#president of the country (left wing) but legally he can't do anything bc of what i said before. its so frustrating just one man being#stubborn (and cruel) has cost so many lives and inflict so much suffering. not only after and during the incident but BEFORE as he didnt#raise the alarm so people thought they were safe and went outside to get move their cars or similar.#there have been so many people found on cars inside parkings.... and they are not done yet.#they havent updated the dead or missing numbers but the last number of missing people was 2000. all these people could be dead#they could be currently dying as the king and queen parade around the streets blocking people wanting to actually help. shameful#translated the main post on google bc i just could write it in english#i feel like a medieval peasant talking about th king and queen like this. what are we doing. year 2024.#talking tag#valencia
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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art students are suuuuch babies dude i actually can't believe all the profs are so nice i'd be grabbing people by the shoulders and shaking them and yelling "JUST REMIX THE FUCKING COLOR WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN 3 PAINTING CLASSES AND YOU STILL WONT EVEN ATTEMPT TO MATCH A COLOR THAT YOU MIXED BEFORE WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME DO YOU HAVE LITERALLY NO DESIRE TO IMPROVE OR DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS MAKING INCREIDBLE WORK IS ONLY OUTSIDE FACTORS YOU CLAIM TO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER RATHER THAN WORK AND A WILLINGNESS TO TRY CHALLENGING THINGS
#i actually was talking about this w one of my classmates during lunch today we were like yeah i feel like there's a lot of people who just#have tons of excuses all the time and don't really take it seriously and don't want to actually try hard#like in our classes we have noticed a lot of people like this this semester. and we have the little chat and then we go to class and the#whole time our other classmate is crying to me abt how her paints that she had mixed got too wet? in her stay wet palette bc i guess she put#too much water on the sponge? idk i use paper towels in a tupperware so idk what her struggle was.... 30 dollar palette btw....#anyway she was crying to me the whole time about how she couldn't possibly use those paints and i was like. cant you squeeze out more paint#to correct the consistency? and she was like no i can't remix them i don't remember what colors i used to get these specific colors#and i'm sitting there like. okayyyy. and then i was like can you not just use the watered down paints i think it actually is better bc you#can get really subtle blends and build it up slowly (the entire point of the assignment btw) and she was like no it's too watery even for#that (it wasn't) i encourage her to try anyway and she starts putting it down making no effort to blend in between layers and shows it to me#and it of course looks awful and she's like seeee it doesn't work. okay girl sure i guess just don't fucking do the assignment see if i care#like why are you complaining to me why are you not just MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO GET BETTER AT SOMETHING#what do you think school is FOR#and of course she had a headache. and of course she didn't sleep well. and one million other things. you're not gonna make it. you're gonna#apply for the bfa program and they're gonna deny you and you're gonna make up some reason it somehow wasn't your fault#god i hate to be mean i think it's valid to struggle and get frustrated OF COURSE i do it all the time but i never ever see her just like.#make something. without making up a million reasons why she could t do x better or get it done even CLOSE to on time#and there's like 6 of this girl. but she's the one who sits next to me so it just drives me extra!!! crazy!!!
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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie
#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff#kinda surprised they still exist#but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal#i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years#they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic#bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing#heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone#anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away#others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future#i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class#so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time#also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing#i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit#and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years#so she went with me and we lived with my grandma#so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him#bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores#getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife#he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean#his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too#he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed#and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first#he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse
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next week we're going into the peak of our conference season (starting on wednesday we'll have 6 conferences in 11 days) and our department's website decided to act up this week so we have to use workarounds for everything and still the most cosmically unfair part to me is that satisfactory 1.0 launches the day before everything gets the most busy which means i absolutely cannot play it for the next two weeks or i will be exhausted and get zero work done
#i was watching the final update/1.0 teaser over lunch today and it looks so good :(#but i know myself. i will stay up stupid late to play it and i'll just be even more exhausted during this hell week (hell fortnight)#at the end of that though i'll be owed two days off (bc i'm working two saturdays) and THEN i can go ham#i am trying to relax this weekend and not think about next week. it'll be fine. there's a lot of stuff happening but it's all workable.#i'm trying not to think of it as 11 days because the first week is the hardest part and the second week will be longer but simpler#and we do have the sunday off in the middle. last year it was actually 11 straight days#we have to find a way to not do this next year though. i feel like for two years we've been like 'this is terrible and we shouldn't allow#conferences to happen on the same day as much as we can' but then when course directors come to us with overlapping dates we never push bac#people come to us late but with plans and our dept heads don't want to say no so we just schedule them anyway#i get that it's revenue for us. we can't just say no completely. but i think we can definitely push harder on the scheduling front#anyway. it's 5:30 i'm going to stop talking about work#j rambles
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I had the worst dream last night that I had had a daughter at some point in the recent past and of necessity gave her up (I am far from the financial situation for raising a child and I don't even have the support of a partner, so that part is realistic). And I was just so wracked with guilt because I didn't even remember her name or who she was living with now. I felt so inadequate as a human being for not being involved in my child's life. And if I had to guess I had this dream because I was thinking a lot about abortion rights yesterday and how frankly they alone should be enough of a reason to go out and vote against Republicans. Like if you can't take a stand against people who are pro-forced birth, I don't wanna hear any excuse about it at all. It's some out-of-touch nonsense which reeks or either ignorance or privilege. Because if that were your own trauma-preventing medical procedure being legislated away, would you just let others get away with it being low on their list of priorities? Would you feel like those people still care about you or are your allies? The pro-life camp actively ignores cases where abortion is necessary to save the life of the pregnant person and/or the fetus has no chance of surviving to be born. They also constantly act like you can "just" put your child up for adoption, which to me is a much more terrifying and guilt-inducing idea than terminating a pregnancy. Idk. I just feel like family planning is as essential a human right as any other and yet it's constantly demonized on the right and still somehow trivialized as a "women's issue" from the center and left, from people who don't feel "personally affected"
#i can't stress enough that no medical procedure should ever be on the desk of any politician ever#it makes me incredibly heartbroken because it's a basic human right#if someone cannot or is not willing to be pregnant they should never ever ever have to justify that#or go through the humiliation of proving themselves THE EXCEPTION to a fundamentally unjust law.#abortion cw#probably should've put that sooner my bad#also when i say it comes from ignorance or privilege im not saying it's only amab people#who trivialize abortion rights as an issue. often a lot of ppl w uteruses just sincerely cannot or do not#picture themselves in the dire situation of a pregnancy they cannot bring to term.#again it just makes me want to cry because it's just so personal for people who have to go through it#a lot of ppl about a lot of things just think 'oh itll never happen to me' and adjust their apathy accordingly#(not to get sidetracked but that attitude drove me INSANE in the covid era)#but at the same time regardless of how unenthused some ppl w uteruses are about abortion access#the fact it's a political issue at all is still a sign we live in a (cis) patriarchy#but again a lot of ppl who are hypothetically my allies are quite milquetoast w their feminism#i most likely have been ruminating on this topic bc it's a big concern in my governor's race right now#(kelly ayotte is very much not pro choice no matter what she pretends)#but i also did see some nonsense 'dont vote' take recently that was like 'blah blah blah if u can't give up access to ur abortion rights#ur being selfish blah blah blah' im trying not to make a bigger deal of one nonsense person than i should#and blow that person out of proportion in their significance but jesus. what a ghoulish and evil thing to say
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I love the vocal nuance in this exchange, but also posting this for my differences posts because this is one of the changes that infuriates me the most. Yuri didn't threaten Ioder, did not threaten him with a weapon, and just said he'd punch him in a lazy, half joking voice (half joking as in, he really doesn't want to hear that - that's just his way of saying so; but that's not the voice of someone who is super angry and threatening).
My other huge grievance is that this is a recurring issue between them in the dub. Yuri is pretty much always vocally rude to Ioder. Ioder has done nothing to wrong him or anyone and has only ever done good for the people where he's able to.
Yet despite Ioder being nothing but sincere, honest and polite with Yuri, in fact even happy to see him here and there, dub Yuri is outright tonally rude to him leading right up this scene where he threatens Ioder in this dark voice. Meanwhile he's actually just supposed to be… lazily telling Ioder he'll punch him in his Yuri Lowell way of saying "I don't want to hear that".
The dub really just wanted to turn Yuri into this dark edgelord and I hate that for my goofy, silly boy.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#honestly JP Yuri talks abt punching ppl often enough that it's like... this should have been an easy tl#and like honestly wtf is with the dub having Yuri at Ioder's absolute THROAT every time they talk#I'm serious when I say dub Yuri genuinely pisses me off sometimes bc he's an asshole for NO reason#it's not cool. I'm not rooting for him. I'm rooting for someone to punch him in the face for being an ass#JP Yuri would love to do it honestly he's always up for punching ppl it's a recurring theme for /him/#I've never wanted to punch JP Yuri in the face. I've wanted to punch dub Yuri in the face multiple times#that's enough for me to recognize that the dub took more than just ''creative liberties'' with the loc#it SUCKS too bc the dub in and of itself isn't bad. I've said this before but#it really is primarily Yuri and his absolute ATTITUDE problem /and/ the way the dub treats Flynn and puts him down constantly#and unfortunately often uses Yuri to do it... when they're not having Flynn himself do it#all always in areas that never even happened originally. they just literally made it up#still not over how they had Flynn basically berate himself by saying ''like a /good knight/'' at Yormgen#the dub very clearly had a /narrative/ bias against imperial figures/knights that wasn't in the original#what was the reason to drop Sodia calling Yuri ''sir'' at Aurnion? there wasn't one!#but Sodia BaD so we can't possibly let anyone see her character development and have to hide it from dub players!#unfortunately for me the dub not being bad in and of itself truly is trumped by#its treatment of Yuri and Flynn as characters and the way the game narratively directs players#for me it really is THAT BAD that it's stronger than the rest of the dub being just fine#and it really truly honestly RUINS the entire dub for me bc I love Yuri and Flynn and hate seeing them treated like that#I mean literally the whole point of me making those text posts is bc of my love for Yuri lol#and it's so sad and hard to see dub players not get the same Yuri experience simply bc... they don't even know#a lot of people didn't even realize how different he was and like... I get loving Troy's acting#but again Troy isn't the problem here. I don't want a dub that treats my favorites the way it does#I WISH Troy could have voiced Yuri the way he really is. in some way for me it feels very lonely#bc like the casual person I pass by who knows Vesp isn't likely to have not played the dub you know??#so it's like... I wanna talk abt Yuri but we aren't even talking abt the same Yuri#nearly outta tags lol but yeah it just... makes me SO sad that they did all this to those two
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having some thoughts on itachi and radicalization and how people can do the most horrific shit imaginable while fully believing it's the right thing to do and police states
#naruto#naruto shippuden#uchiha itachi#i give itachi a lot of shit. which he very much deserves#but on the other hand.#idk itachi isn't a character i can really hate or stan i guess. i mostly just feel sorry for him#i feel sorry for a lot of the characters in that world really#here in this world we're all more or less on the same playing field#like there's ways to be privileged or disenfranchised sure but. no one can throw a meteor at your head for questioning the government#i feel like that's something that gets overlooked a lot in metas on why characters do things#like we can compare to ourselves all we want but we still live in a world where it's significantly more possible to speak out#and people STILL have a very hard time doing that#in the world of naruto.... you really can't#if your village is horrible too fucking bad none of the other villages care enough to do anything#if your village is awesome surprise no it isn't you've got awful shit going on and you just haven't noticed it yet#everybody seems to be running on ''well at least we're better than THOSE guys''#and the people who actually DO want to make things better simply. don't have the know-how to do it#bc all the people who could've come up with the ideas we have here have either been brainwashed killed or scared into silence#it's a lose-lose situation for literally everybody and they all keep perpetuating it bc nobody knows how to stop#you can save the world. you can save the world a hundred thousand times and it will NEVER matter. bc you still can't save the people#it's an eternal tragedy and i love it
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#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted#i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter#the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back#and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context#or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with#''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!''#which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it#BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM????#and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with#i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together#but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person#it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist#but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary#of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be#and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it#but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well#or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations#and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think#or even what other people understand#but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun#and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time#he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i#and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma#is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!''#that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels#i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott#idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back#but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it
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mgsv has so many literary references to books i have essays abt it kind of makes me.
#i'm sick this is my slightly fever-induced thought stream in the rest of the tags sorry ->#all the 1984 stuff is really interesting. the position of both ocelot and kaz as the people running room 101 is really fascinating.#because it somehow manages to place huey in the position of winston while also having venom be in the position of winston.#<- would that make quiet julia? actually yes it does bc of her nature motifs.#and the whole game seems to doublethink of whats real and what isn't. though it starts to tell you what isn't real its still there.#and then with moby dick you have pequod which is just. the ship. and queegueg who is ishmaels friend. which is why its kind of perfect he i#the other pilot we see who takes kaz places. and theres other stuff with him but i don't want to get into that. i could go on for a while.#but whats interesting is that ahab seems to apply more to kaz than it does to venom. esp because his own deception results in his downfall.#whereas that isn't true with venom if youve played mg1 he just kinda keeps going with it to at least some degree.#and i guess kaz is working for foxhound but you know what i mean.#ocelot even being the perfect counterpart to starbuck who works at kaz's side but disagrees with his methods to an extreme.#he isn't of the same morals as starbuck but its just the oppositional character type.#does that mean cipher is moby dick. yes actually bc of the leg thing with kaz. oh my god.#<- funny enough i am actually getting moby dick back out of the library bc i never finished it and its been ages since i read what i did.#i remember the narration being kind of nuts.#honestly the lord of the flies stuff feels less like a reference and more like eli read that book and decided he wanted to do it irl. lol.#i can't say these books are even close to being favorites but i'm intimately familiar with both 1984 and lotf so those are. those.#and moby dick is genuinely just kind of. what in the hell did i experience. theres a lot to unpack.#and i didn't even finish the damn thing.#ok i'm done now i just needed to get that out of my system. now i'm off to read veniss underground. 👍#.txt
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the worst feeling in the world is thinking you understand something and then taking a quiz on it and realizing that actually, you understood nothing at all
#damien.txt#my quiz grade wasn't That bad but it was also... not good#and i am frustrated because i feel like a lot of the stuff on the quiz was. not really discussed in depth in class#and now really all i want to do is go home and lay down in bed and maybe cry a bit#because i cannot deal with academic failure#but also i have a whole project due today that i need to work on so. literally cant do that#sighh. considering going to my professor's office hours to talk to him about this quiz bc. some of the questions man.#also maybe i can get him to take pity on me <3#i think i am maybe doing not as good as most of the people in this class which is.... rough. humbling.#i don't think that's ever happened to me before. but i think a lot of this is going over my head maybe#and bc this has never happened before i have no idea how to ask for help!!! ahhhhh!!!#literally it's compounding so much actually. like im getting lower grades on essays in this class than i ever have before in other classes#and it can't be that my writing is worse or something because i'm still getting higher grades in other classes?#so i guess it must be that i dont understand the content as well. but i literally have no idea what i don't understand#ahhhhh. Ahhhh!!! this class is not even in my field it's literally just a required class for my major!!!#i'm a literature major but we have to take like an 'advanced rhetoric' class and i took rhetorical historiography for some reason#and now. suffering. so much.#okay time to go. stare at a wall for an hour. and then start my project#academic.......... weapon...........................
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the absolutely disgusting feeling in my stomach from scrolling through someone's profile full of AI images is insane I thought I was too autistic for that level of feeling. if you have the ability to shit out 20+ very aesthetically pleasing "watercolor inspired fantasy art" pictures in one day you're sick and twisted and I actually want you to get hit in the ankle with a scooter. I hope your water spills on you next time you go to take a drink. you're avoiding being human.
#what this Does show us though is the people are desperate for broader creative works#not the same old shit repackaged over and over#and this can be seen in art music movies books etc etc etc#but whats Famous and Popular is the same shit over and over#like we need niches to become main stream for the sake of creativity and artistic freedom and expression#how many voices are being silenced completely because of the limited type of material that is actually being published#the people want new emotion and since we arent getting it and we cant partake in creation#we are wimpering away and hiding within electronics. i believe this case to be true with japans recent popularization with isekai anime#and a similar note for western media- cannibalism and generational trauma#its 6am ive been up since 1pm but i dont think im going crazy with this one#we want freedom to be in a world or situation or having something that is unique to us and makes us feel happy and safe#and a lot of people can't do that and will never get that bc we live on the miserable hell ball#this isnt like me being pro ai btw. im so very anti ai. but i try to make sense of situations with nuance and take everything into +#consideration with intersectional points#sorry
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Look I hate conservatives just as much as the next guy but I'm deeply uncomfortable with the "you can't reason with them they aren't even people" rhetoric that's really popular on this website. Anyone can be rehabilitated. That doesn't mean everyone will, but anyone can be.
#*distressed porg noises*#yeah really not a fan of the rise of. i guess i'd call it moral calvinism? the idea that like there are Good People and Bad People#and we just have to get rid of the Bad People in order to make our utopia#really shouldn't the goal be to remove people who would cause harm from the position to cause that harm?#if it takes violence to remove them from that position.... then that's just what it takes#but the whole ''you can't reason with them you just have to kill them'' mentality is. not encouraging!#maybe it's just because i was raised conservative. don't take that as me saying i have any kind of loyalty to that side bc that's not it#what i mean is that being raised on ''there are Good People and Bad People and we need to get rid of the Bad People''#then growing a community with the people i had been raised to believe were ''Bad People'' only for years later many of that same community#to then have those same people turn around and say ''no we need to get rid of the Bad People but it's different this time i swear''#makes it difficult to believe in the whole thing#i'm oversimplifying of course but i am tired. of. everything#and because no one really reads these i guess i can say here#that the whole ''they never really change they're not even human they can't be rehabilitated'' mentality that i see a lot here#is what drives a Lot of my suicidal thoughts. because i know what i've been and i'm not proud of it#hell scroll back on this blog enough and you'll see the evidence. not that i would encourage that#but sometimes i do wonder how many of you would be secretly glad that there's one less of me in the world
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