#and a general who is already married. in a very complicated way

[cadaverjuices]

if u saw my prev post. these were drawn EVEN LATER which is why the quality drops so much with each one HEHRHEG

ocs [left to right, top to bottom, seperated by comic];

salmon treets;

pavo [he/him], general [he/it], the twins [it/its when referred to individually], enforcer [he/they/it]

tax benefit;

general [he/it], lament [he/him], the twins [it/its when referred to individually]

uno cupboard;

medic [he/him], pavo [he/him], general [he/it], lament [he/him], laments ai discord kitten [any]

[mc-critical]

1.10 / 1.09

[lady-djarin]

independent contractor

joel miller x f!reader (one shot)

fully inspired by this post

warnings/tags: no outbreak au, no sarah mentioned, but we can always pretend she’s at collage or something, infidelity by reader(reader’s hubby is an asshole), contractor!joel, age gap (late 20s/mid 50s) , masterbation (m), smelling of panties(?), sexting, oral (receiving), p in v (unprotected- don’t do that!!) general smut so children leave!! mdni 18+

word count: 6.1k

a/n: i understand not everyone is going to dig the infidelity thing so i get that, if you are not into that please just scroll on, thank you :)

* ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

It was a beautiful dress but damn if it wasn’t complicated, the back had all these complicated buttons and clasps to hold it closed. You had managed to get yourself into the thin fabric but just as you needed your husband to close the dress, he had conveniently disappeared. He had been dressed for the party for a while and had been running around the house trying to organize the vendors. It was all for some charity thing he was throwing through his company. He was the CEO of some big company that even after 5 years of marriage you still didn’t understand. Something to do with finance? Maybe.

“Hon? Are you up here?” You huffed as you realized he was not in ear shot. Your husband had a habit of doing this, leaving right when you needed him in favor of something he needed.

You can now admit to yourself that the marriage you were in was a little rushed. Ok, maybe more than rushed. You were engaged within three months of meeting and married in less than a year. The first year of marriage was amazing, he would shower you with gifts and trips and practically worshiped the ground you walk on. It now felt like he only did this to rope you in. He began to take multiple long ‘work trips’ every month and you soon found evidence of an affair (or multiple). Once, there was long hair all over his clothes that was definitely not his or yours along with red lipstick smudged on a white shirt. Was he not even trying to hide it or did he just not care?

You had always told yourself that ‘you’d never be with a cheater’ and you wouldn’t fall prey to men who used women. Well, after a quick marriage, that you begged your parents to go along with, you felt like you had nowhere else to go. Your parents would not be happy and would surely find a way to blame you, and all your friends were also his. So, you kept your head high as your husband did as he pleased. You were now a forgotten trophy on the shelf he felt didn’t need polishing anymore. So you did as you pleased, with his money. One of the things you liked spending his money on was renovations to the house that you were usually alone in.

Currently, you were renovating the other side of the house to become a library/craft area for yourself. The contractor was actually at the house doing a walk through before the party got started. He happened to hear you calling for your husband from down the hall and came to your rescue.

“Sorry to disturb you ma’am, I think he went downstairs,” he was looking down when he first walked in, probably to make sure you were decent. What a gentleman.

“Of course he did, uhg,” you fumbled with the clasps behind your back and failed to make a difference.

“I can go get ‘em for ya?”

“No that’s ok Joel, thank you,” Joel Miller, one half of Miller Construction. He had been so great from the beginning, knowing exactly what you wanted for the library, seeing your vision immediately. He was very much the southern Texan gentleman, ‘yes ma’am, no ma’am’, no matter how many times you told him you hated it. “and please, Joel. I’m not a ma’am.” Your smile drew his eyes up.

”My mama would kill me if she heard me call ya’ anythin’ but, ma’am,” he stepped into the room, already coming to help even with your refusal. “I’m more delicate than ya think, im sure i can handle some buttons,” he came up behind you in the mirror and his soft touch on your shoulder blade made you inhale. You held the dress against your chest making sure he had room to fasten the small clasps. You caught his gaze in the mirror that was fixated on the dip in the front of the dress.

He matched your smile.

His surprisingly nimble fingers secure every last fastening and it feels like you can hear your own heart beating out of your chest. It had been a long time since you were looked at the way Joel was looking at you. He was a handsome man, big and rugged but soft in his features. He had these deep brown eyes that you could get lost in and lips that would make a nun blush. He was affecting you in ways your husband hadn’t done in years, he was turning you on. A complete stranger was turning you on and you didn’t really feel guilty.

Did that make you a terrible person?

You know what, fuck it. Your husband cheated and left you alone in life, you were entitled to some flirting every now and then.

“There ya are darlin’,” dear lord, his voice. The deep southern drawl made your panties wet.

“Thank you… Joel.”

”Enjoy the party,” watching him walk away was the hardest thing all night, aside from having to laugh at all your husband’s bad jokes all night. All night your mind was occupied by the sexy contractor.

~

It had been about a week since the party and the library reno was well underway. Joel and his team, including the other half of Miller Construction, his brother Tommy, were working tirelessly. In that last week your husband had been in and out of the house at weird times. On this particular day he left early in the morning without saying so much as a word to you. You used the day to mope around on your phone or read but what kept stealing your attention was the attractive contractor.

His team wasn’t around so the house was truly empty, the quiet was starting to drive you mad. As you wandered up the winding staircase, you found a sweatshirt draped over the railing. That damn husband, he leaves shit everywhere. Without thinking much of it, you threw the hoodie on as you found the library under construction.

The sweatshirt smells like sawdust and something distinctly man. That's different from what your husband normally smells like. The thought of him buying new cologne for some mistress almost made your blood boil, if you truly loved him anymore it would.

The library was really starting to come together, the plans on the table laid out the new shelves and built in table being put in and you dreamed of the days you would spend in there. The rest of your day was spent inside, no husband in sight so you did what you wanted, camped out on the couch with snacks galore and bad tv. Your husband eventually came home, after midnight, to find you passed out on the couch. You were roused by him, he woke you to send you off to bed. He used to carry you.

“Hey, get to bed, it's late… New hoodie?” Your eyebrows narrowed and you looked at him confused.

“What? It’s yours?”

”No it's not, I don't work at ‘Miller Construction’…” his tone felt like sandpaper against your skin. Also, have you been wearing Joel’s sweatshirt this whole time?

~

You wore it almost every day. Refusing to even wash it, it would get rid of the smell. The smell of him. It was like a drug, anytime your husband left you alone in that big house you wrapped yourself in Joel.

The rumble of the engine told you someone was at the house, but the deep southern drawl was what told you it was Joel. You felt giddy, like a girl with her first crush. You were already wearing the sweatshirt because you were expecting him today. He was leading his team of guys up to the library, telling them what to get started on. You made your way up there, under the guise of greeting Joel and asking if they need anything. In reality you wanted to see his reaction to you wearing his clothes.

“Morning Joel, you guys need anything?”

His eyes nearly popped out of his head. He noticed right away, scanning the hoodie and his gaze set your skin on fire. You felt your cheeks heat up as he stepped closer, the air was thick with tension and you immediately felt the mood change. His lips curved up in the corner slightly as he lowered his voice.

He looked handsome as always, the salt and pepper in his beard and hair was somehow very attractive to you. He was older for sure but you’d be lying if you said that wasn’t part of the attraction.

“Nice sweatshirt you got there…,” you could practically feel his heart beating just inches from you. “Miller.”

You had to strangle down a breath hearing his voice drop an octave like that, teasing you. This was real… Joel Miller, your contractor, was flirting with you. And you liked it, a lot. Not only the blatantly wrong flirting but the fact that your husband could come home at any time. It was making your skin flush with arousal and it felt like he could sense it somehow.

“I can wash it and get it back to you,” you wanted to gauge how into this he was. He did not disappoint.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Jesus christ.

“Keep it sugar, looks better on ya anyway,” he left you there, finally with enough room to breathe without inhaling his intoxicating cologne. Holy shit, holy shit!

Your mind never strayed far from the older man, you seemed to fixate on the memory of him crowding you in your own home. The rest of the day went smoothly, you went about your business as the Miller Construction crew worked on your new library. You could hear the men working upstairs and every time you heard that one specific rumbling southern drawl your heart stopped for just a beat.

You were screwed.

~

Joel’s day could not have been longer, though he was the only one that noticed. The rest of the crew worked through the day, trying to get their tasks done sooner rather than later to be able to go home on time. Meanwhile, he was thinking about the pretty wife of the man who is paying him. He knew it was wrong but damn if it didn’t feel good. He saw the way your husband acted around you the last few weeks, he was engaged in every conversation except ones with you. Joel could even tell that the man was cheating, he clearly wasn’t trying to hide it. That’s really the only reason he was letting himself indulge with you, that and you seemed to be on the same page as him.

He knew he was in trouble, he had already memorized your features, your lips haunting him most of all. Every time you spoke he was entranced, unable to look away from your mouth. This was so wrong, he was working for you and your husband. He couldn’t help it, you were perfect, everything he could ever want. He dreamed about feeling you under him and that thought kept him half hard in his jeans all day.

By the time he was set to leave he felt like if he didn’t get himself taken care of he was going to explode. All he could think about was you in that damn hoodie, and how he would bend you over with it on. He knew it would smell like you now, it would smell like both of you. As he hopped into his truck he was so distracted that he didn’t see you coming down the driveway towards his car.

“Hey Joel…” Fuck. “I just wanted to get this back to you before I forget.” The gray fabric already smelled like you from where you held it by his car window. Why were you giving it back? He told you to keep it.

”Oh thanks darlin’,” it wasn’t lost on him how your eyes sparkled at this nickname. You were in the most delicious little shorts, showing just enough of the tops of your thighs as you walked back into the house. Fuck, he felt like such a dirty old man. You were so much younger and bright and kind. He felt like he could never deserve you.

He threw the hoodie on the passenger seat as he felt another surge of guilt and arousal settle into this stomach. Just as he was about to pull onto the street, he noticed something much darker than the hoodie sticking out of the pocket. He pulled it to reveal a pair of lacy black panties.

His heart nearly stopped. He would have never expected this, a sweet girl like you leaving her panties in her contractors sweatshirt. His jeans became even tighter than before as he pulled the panties up to his face.

He really was a dirty old man.

They had clearly been worn and it made his head spin, they smelled like heaven and you, he worried he might cum at the smell alone. He needed to get home.

As he raced home with your underwear gripped in his hand, he battled his thoughts. He knew it was wrong to mess around with a married woman but he felt different with you already. You were like the light at the end of his very lonely tunnel, no one ever looked at him the way you did. He practically tore his front door off the hinges as he rushed up to his bedroom. He felt like a teenager with an uncontrollable boner trying to find release.

The black lace was tight in his grip as he shucked his jeans off, the constricting fabric making his blood boil. He pulled himself free and the first touch to his hard length caused a gravely moan to slip from his lips. Tension and heat gathered in his stomach as he stroked himself. His fingers were rough as they circled his weeping tip but he needed to feel relief. He couldn’t even get himself into the shower, he just dropped onto the edge of his bed and never stopped moving his hand.

Those dark panties were teasing him, you were teasing him. You had to be, maybe you were making fun of his obvious crush. No, there was no way you would have grinned like you did if you didn’t feel the same way. It was an offering, a way for you to make a move without being apparent.

Holy shit. You wanted him.

That made his lower muscles spasm suddenly and his orgasm started to barrel down his spine. He pictured you in your small shorts earlier that day and he lost it. A deep groan escaped his throat as he spilled all over his knuckles. He pumped until he was oversensitive, his whole body reacting until he fell back into the bed.

All night his brain juggled wanting nothing but you and telling himself it was wrong. And it was wrong, at least on paper, of course he shouldn’t be messing with a client's wife. Even if she wanted him back.

~

Last time you saw Joel outside his car was almost a week ago. It was driving you crazy. You worried that he took it the wrong way or didn’t even see them. You couldn’t decide if you should be mortified, nervous, turned on or all the above. Then your phone went off.

Usually the texts between you and Joel were regarding what materials or paint you wanted. Now it was something totally different.

5:04PM >Joel: Sorry I have not been to check on the progress of the library personally. There was an emergency at another job.

>Joel: Also, thank you for my gift.

Only someone like Joel would thank you for sneaking him a pair of your panties.

5:09PM <You: im glad you liked them

<You: i was a little worried…

Your heart was thundering in your chest. Your husband was right across the couch, engrossed in his baseball game more than you, per usual. Was it wrong to like this so much, the fact that he had no idea you were texting another man right now, in front of him.

5:12PM >Joel: Why would you be worried? It's the best gift anyone’s ever given me.

>Joel: Any man should be so lucky.

Your pulse kicked up again somehow. He was making it all sound so meaningful. Maybe it was to him. Maybe he never took it the wrong way. Maybe he took it exactly the right way.

5:14PM <You: did you use them?

There was a pause for a few minutes.

5:20PM >Joel: Jesus…

>Joel: I’m at work, darlin.

5:22PM <You: so?

5:25PM >Joel: You got a mouth on you, huh?

5:26PM <You: and i know how to use it

5:28PM >Joel: We might just have to have you prove yourself then.

5:30PM <You: just tell me when

5:31PM >Joel: You are dangerous, angel.

>Joel: I have them in my pocket right now.

>Joel: I couldn’t help myself.

Jesus, this man was going to be the death of you. He was carrying your panties around in his pocket, while he was at work. Your thighs instantly squeezed together and it was at that moment you decided.

Fuck it, he made you feel good and your husband clearly didn’t care about your needs. You needed a divorce, and not just because of Joel. It was about you finally doing what’s good for you.

Suddenly an idea came to you, admititly a very bad idea but again, fuck it.

5:36PM <You: hey, do you have any plans tonight?

5:37PM >Joel: You know darlin, I don’t.

Thank god.

5:38PM <You: what’s your address?

5:38PM >Joel: 7 Oak Village Rd. I get home at 7.

5:38PM <You: see you then

You needed a plan. Your husband wouldn’t really care if you made last minute plans, you just needed a reason. Since he barely takes the time to pay attention to you, he definitely doesn’t know your friends very well.

“Hey, I know this is super random, but my friend Ashley”(totally a fake friend) “just got dumped, Isn’t that awful? She wants me to come over so she’s not alone. Would you care if I spent the night with her?”

It wasn’t really an odd thing, you spent the night with friends before. You should feel bad for lying so easily like this but the thrill of it all was keeping you going. You knew he wouldn’t object but he barely even looked at you. A quick glance back before he focused on the tv again as he waved you off.

”Yea, I don’t care… Johnny’s coming over anyway. Have fun.”

You shook your head and rolled your eyes, you knew you should be upset but you were too used to it at this point. You went upstairs to pack a bag and get ready. It had been a long time since a booty call and you forgot how giddy it made you feel. Knowing you were going to a man's house who actually wanted you there and actually wanted you.

Once you showered and finished packing, you went down to head out the garage. Apparently while you were upstairs Johnny and many more came over and had taken over the couch as they all debated over some play in the game. You tried to get your husband's attention, calling his name and waving at him. Anger boiled over in your gut. Just another reason not to feel guilty about tonight.

You loaded up into the car and pulled out of the massive driveway without a regret in your heart. This was the beginning of a new chapter and it felt right in so many ways. Your skin was buzzing with arousal, you had been thinking of Joel’s thick hands that would soon be on you, throughout your whole shower.

Before you left the neighborhood you sent Joel a quick text.

7:13PM <You: on my way

7:14PM >Joel: Can’t wait.

You felt the heat creep up into your cheeks and down your neck. Your nerves did start to wear on you though, all the usual stuff; Will he like me? Do I look nice? Did I miss a spot shaving my legs? You decided to wear a thin silk slip dress/nightgown under a baggy zip up hoodie. You figured it was a good way to look ‘sloppy’ enough that your husband wouldn’t care, if he even looked your way. You made the short drive over to Joel’s neighborhood and your nerves seemed to melt away as you got closer. It was odd, normally this kind of thing would send your pulse skyrocketing but the thought of seeing Joel made you calm, almost serene. He definitely made your head swim with giddy arousal though.

You found the beautiful house marked ‘No. 7’ and knocked on the perfectly painted door. Of course his house was gorgeous, he was a contractor. Only moments went by until the door was pulled open by that very sexy looking contractor. His brown curls were slightly messy on his head and he wore some kind of faded shirt and loose sweatpants that hung way too low. You couldn’t look away.

“Hi darlin’,” he rubbed his neck and his cheeks went red. He was nervous.

“Hi,” you couldn’t help the smile spreading on your face.

“Come in, here let me.” He gently took your bag from your shoulder and guided you to the couch where he had a bottle of wine and two glasses on the coffee table. The inside of his home was just as beautiful as the outside; the couch was large and comfortable, there was quiet music playing in the corner from an old school record player and books and plants littering the shelves. He came back and poured you both a glass and clinked the two together before you each took a long drink. He finally sat down and you turned so your feet were up against his leg, quickly feeling comfortable with him.

“I wasn’t sure if you would be ok… with me coming over.”

“Why?” God his southern accent was like honey.

“I don’t know, maybe it was…I was too forward.” You were sure why you felt the need to bring this up, maybe clear the air somehow. “I’m divorcing him, I can't do it anymore.” Saying it out loud made your heart lurch.

“I get it sweetheart, it ain’t fair that he treats ya’ that way.” You were leaning into each other at this point, unable to stop the magnetic pull between you. His arm was draped over the back of the couch, his hand near your shoulder. He started to entwine his finger in your hair, his big brown eyes danced over your face and it made you almost want to shy away from his gaze.

“You don’t think I'm a terrible person?” You looked into his eyes finally, wanting to know how he felt about you, how he felt about this.

His fingers left your hair as his thumb brushed over your lips. “Y’not a terrible anythin’ darlin’,” then he moved.

He was on you before you could take another breath. He slotted his lips over yours, his tongue sliding between them. He devoured you, stole the breath from your lungs. It was all consuming the way he kissed you, it felt like he was starved and you were all he wanted to consume. He sat back and pulled you with him, your legs wrapping around his hips leaving your core right in his lap. His hand cupped both cheeks as you pressed yourself fully to him, your hips grinding down into his. Your baggy sweatshirt was obstructing your skin from touching his, you needed more and the fabric was too warm.

You leaned back and you finally got a good look at his face as you pulled the zipper down. His lips were swollen and red and his eyes were almost all pupils. After ripping the bulky fabric off he finally moved his hands to the rest of you. He traced your arms down to where your hands laid on your thighs, he then lightly ran his fingers up your back over the thin fabric of your nightgown.

“You are so… fuck, you’re so gorgeous.” He sounded like he couldn’t catch his breath and yours caught in your throat. He pulled you into him again but it still wasn’t enough skin. As his soft lips worked over your pulse and his rough beard scratched at your neck you knew you needed more of him. You groaned as you pulled away again and tried to pull his shirt off yourself but he was just large enough to make it difficult. He smirked at you as he leaned forward to remove the shirt and your skin finally made contact with his.

You both groaned as you came together once again, finally able to feel his warm solid chest against yours. He explored your body again as your mouths did the same, he kissed down your neck, over your shoulders and between your breasts. The thin straps holding up the nightgown were quickly pulled down, revealing your chest to him. He lavished you and you felt the vibration of his groans as he licked the crevice between your breasts before closing his mouth around a peak and sucking. Your whole body arched into his, your fingers carding through his hair which made him groan deeper.

“Fuck— Joel,” your skin was on fire and you were lightheaded. You knew somewhere deep down you should feel bad or guilty but it was the furthest thing from your mind. He made you feel like you were floating, your soul somehow detached from your body.

He pulled back from you, just enough to catch his breath and look into your eyes. His hands however never stopped roaming your skin. His pupils were blown wide, almost none of the deep brown in his eyes were left now. He dipped his head and dove back into your skin, his lips attaching to your neck and it made you groan and your core clench.

He groaned into you and you felt it rumble through his chest. You felt like you were losing grip on reality, you couldn’t tell someone your own name if they asked. It was all worth it because you were lost in the pleasure of feeling him under you, but you needed more of him.

You dropped to the floor, the carpet soft under your knees. You tried to pull Joel’s pants down his hips, almost frantically as if you didn’t see all of him now you would die.

“Hol’on darlin’,” he kind of giggled as he slipped the fabric off his hips and he fell back onto the couch and looked down at you with his mouth hanging open in awe. You met his gaze before looking down at his hard length.

Fuck, he was big.

You lowered your mouth to him, teasing your lips over his silky skin. His breath caught in his chest. You ran your tongue up and his hand came up to hold the back of your head, not to force but support. Eventually his fingers grabbed into your hair when you wrapped your lips around him and pulled him in. You felt his rough moan reverberate into your body every time you dropped your head. It was difficult to take him all at once but you had to feel him, everywhere.

“Fuck, oh my—gooood…” he dropped his head back onto the couch but you knew he was watching you, his eyes never left you. You felt your arousal spread between your thighs knowing you were driving him mad. Before you even got a chance to really do much Joel pulled you up on your feet. He stayed seated and looked up at you through his lashes and your heart stopped for a second seeing him below you like this made your stomach dip and your panties wet.

His eyes were blazing a path over your body, nightgown bunched around your waist with your entire chest exposed. You should be cold but you felt like you were on fire. He ran his palms up the backside of your legs until he reached the lacy fabric of your underwear. His eyes never left yours as he slowly pulled the fabric off your hips and over your ass, his hands touching skin the whole way down and helped you step out of it. That swooping feeling settled into your stomach again as he slid his fingers back up the inside of your leg until he reached your hot center, eyes never leaving yours. You both moaned as he dipped into the slick that coated your skin.

“Mhmmm, this all f’me?” He looked at you with a mix of arrogance and pure desire as he moved his fingers in a slow circular motion. It was made easy by just how wet you were, you didn’t know if you had ever been this wet before. That’s the effect he had on you, or maybe this is just a primal kind of desire that you never had with your soon-to-be ex-husband.

Either way you were spiraling fast. You knew once you two came together you wouldn’t last long. You needed to feel him, it was driving you mad.

Joel seemed to be taking it slow, which you can admire as this is very new and he probably wanted to make sure you’re comfortable. While you admired him taking the time to make you comfortable you couldn’t wait anymore. As he kissed your chest and his fingers kept moving in agonizing circles across your sensitive bundle while you straddled his lap. His hard length rubbed against your center and both of your bodies shook with desire.

He groaned as he wasn’t expecting you to be on him so fast. His hands ran along every inch, taking you into him and never wanting to let go. You rocked your hips and slowly dragged your core across his length causing you both to stutter and moan. You were sick of waiting for the thing you had been thinking about non stop for weeks.

“Will you… make me feel good?” Your voice was squeaky and horse from all the moans and his eyes fluttered at your request.

“Oh darlin’… that bastard ain’t taking care of you huh? When’s the last time you were properly touched?”

You turned your eyes away from him, slightly embarrassed that he was able to tell that so easily. “Uhm… a while.” He gave you a pointed look, clearly not liking your non-answer. “A… a year,” his eyes widened at your admission. “Over a year…” You cringed at your final answer. You weren’t proud of the fact that it had been so long but you haven't been attracted to your husband in a long time.

”Oh… you poor thing,” he bracketed your cheeks with his large hands. “Don’t worry darlin’.”

Joel was losing composure quickly, he was ready to give you everything you deserved. His nimble fingers reached between your bodies and slid along your center, drawing a wanton moan from your chest. You ground your hips into his hand trying to create the friction he wasn’t giving you. He slowly spread your lips and ran his fingers gingerly over your clit causing your body to shake in his grasp.

“Hmm… y’all wet f’me?” His southern drawl was making his lust-drunk words slur together deliciously. The scruff of his mustache scratched at your neck but his lips and tongue soothed over the sensitive skin.

“Mmhmm… Joel— oh god please,” you sounded just as lost. Your voice cracked and your hips never stopped moving over his hand, desperate for attention.

“Don’t worry darlin’, I gotcha,” he quickly flipped you and your back hit the plush couch. A soft ‘oomf’ escaped your lips and Joel was mesmerized as you lay beneath him. “Oh look at’cha, you’re so pretty baby.”

His words were like hot honey, warm and sweet. You shifted under him and wrapped your fingers around his hard shaft and the groan that reverberated through his chest made your breath catch in your throat. You kept stroking him as his fingers found your wet center again, spreading your release over your puffy folds. As you wrapped your legs around his hips, you guided his crown to your core and felt the sweet stretch of him entering you slowly.

He paused for a few moments and looked like he was trying to center himself again before pushing his hips fully into yours and held himself there. A deep rumbling groan broke through his lips as he began to move, the stretch was making you nervous at first but you felt more and more comfortable as he kept moving. When he started to rub your neglected clit, a bolt of pleasure shot down your spine causing your back to arch and nails to dig into his arms.

“Such a good girl, baby… ngh— you-you feel so good,” his syrupy words made your head feel fuzzy and limbs heavy. His hips started to snap into yours at a harsher pace and his fingers spent up between you in tandem. Your orgasm was quickly approaching with his movements, faster than you expected. Was this the norm for people with healthy relationships and sex lives, real attraction? You couldn’t even finish the thought before Joel sped up his fingers and started to hammer into you. He was surrounding you, hovering over with those dark eyes and large shoulders. The smell of him alone was about to send you over the edge, he smelled like soap and a little like sawdust, all over man. His voice broke you out of your hazy state.

“You’re gonna— cum for me darlin’, I—I can’t hold on…much longer baby.” His voice was rough and demanding and almost like your body listened, you fell over the edge. The lewd moans and shouts of Joel’s name coming out of our mouth surprised you both. At feeling you cum around him, Joel lost all of his remaining control. He stilled inside you and you felt his muscles contract in his release.

“Oh fu—fuck! oh my… god,” he slumped against you and you welcomed his weight. You both settled into the couch as you rubbed your arms up and down his back. “I’m— I’m sorry darlin’, it's been a while. Normally I'd have… taken my time.”

He sounded almost nervous, it made you smile.

“Joel, stop. You have nothing to apologize for.”

”I’ll redeem myself next time.”

Next time? He wants there to be a next time!

You smiled to yourself and hummed at the content feeling of being under him while he still filled you.

You drifted to a place of half consciousness and woke up in, what you were pretty sure was the morning to the smell of bacon. You turned over in a bed, Joel's bed, to find it empty. You looked around the room and found it to be just like Joel, cozy and masculine. You located a shirt of his and threw it on before heading down the stairs to find a very sexy shirtless Joel standing in his kitchen, flipping pancakes.

“Mornin’ sleepy head,” his voice was thick with sleep and you walked up to him at the stove. With one large arm he pulled you into his side and kissed the top of your head. A slow smile spread on your lips at the familiarity of it all, the warmness of having someone to take care of you like this, emotionally. Something you almost never had with your husband, soon to be ex.

“Joel… thank you, for this.”

“What’cha mean darlin?”

“Taking care of me. Letting me come over last night.”

“Hey, look at me,” he tilted your chin up to meet his eyes. “Anytime you need me, I’m here.”

You tried to blink away the tears gathering on your lashes but one managed to slip, Joel’s thumb catching it before it reached your cheek. Time felt like it stopped as you leaned in to each other, lips pressing together as you moaned at the feeling.

The day was spent lazing in bed and talking about all the things you two would do when your divorce was finalized. The idea of divorce was the scariest thing in the world when you first thought about it, but now, knowing Joel would be with you every step of the way… you couldn’t wait.

[glamourscat]

Some general hcs about the blue lock guys? Maybe if they are a girl or boy dad? Idk, anything of the sort thx 🙏🏻

Girls dads vs boys dads BLLK BOYS EDITION

GIRL'S DAD

⁃ REO MF MIKAGE. He is the N1 girl’s dad. So much that he *will* accidentally spoil her to the moon and back (literally). And he will hit you with “but look at her and her puppy eyes? How can you resist her? Is not my fault if she asked to own a star in her name for her birthday. It’s the least I could do for my own little star “

⁃ ISAGI: I don’t think I need to elaborate on him. But I will, because i love to yap. It's canon (or i think? i am pretty sure i have read it in the egoist bible but i cannot find the link i had saved for the life of me) that he would have loved a younger sister growing up. So it just makes sense.

⁃ BAROU : he has two younger sisters to which it's canon he cares and loves them for his dear life. Barou pretty much is already wired in husband and father mode ⁃ YUKIMIYA: purely out of personal vibes.

HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE:

⁃ SHIDOU: In the eventual future where this little gremlin fixes whatever he has going on, he would make such a good girl dad. Why? vibes. He just fits the girl's dad vibes i can't explain to you why, you either see it or don't.

At the same time tho, I also see him as the unhinged, fun uncle who is everywhere at once. Living his life the most weirdly, yet oddly free, way.

BOY'S DAD (this is all about pure vibes honestly)

⁃ KUNIGAMI

⁃ CHIGIRI

⁃ GAGAMARU

BOTH

⁃ BACHIRA: My favourite Bee. He just wants a child honestly, in a very far future. He would be such a great dad. The fun, loving and just an absolute gem. He just want at least 2 kids, boy or girl doesn't matter as long as he can shower them with love.

⁃ NIKO

NONE

⁃ NAGI: I mean lmao.. self explanatory. He thinks everything is an hassle. Definitely doesn’t want kids

⁃ ARYU: I can’t personally see him having kids, he lives a stress free life and kids are definetly no stress free— he is the cool aunt that travels the world, has always some crazy stories up his sleeve and loves expensive wine and clothes.

⁃ KAISER: his childhood was everything but good. And the scars he suffered are a life time reminder of the neglect and abuse he faced. The amount of trauma cannot be healed over the course of a month nor a few years, it's a constant learning curve that will follow him until his last breath. Honestly speaking, just like Rin-- but in a more complicated way here, it would be extremely hard to get into a relationship with him alone. I cannot image how dating/ married and having a kid would work with his twisted way of seeing life and relationships.

⁃ SAE: emotional range of a tea spoon. I can’t see him settling down in a marriage, much less having a kid.

⁃ RIN: this is complicated, because I think he could settle in the “both” category and here. The thing is, objectively speaking, he is very selfish. His football career will come before anything, and like we see, he is not thinking twice before cutting people off if needed. Thus, if he doesn’t change his mindset/grow up.. if he wants a long, standing football career, I cannot see him settling any time soon. Not to mention his struggle to make friends, let alone being in a relationship. But, in the case he does change, I think he would like two kids for sure.

[thesummerstorms]

There's no way at least a few of the Crows gathered for the show down in the Opera House didn't look at Lucanis and Arsinoë de Riva and pick up on the fact that they were involved, even if both parts of the couple thought they were hiding it like professionals.

Most likely, those Crows perceive this as Viago's attempt at a power play.

They're wrong; he's in the corner gritting his teeth and silently begging Arsinoë to stay under the radar for once in her life. Openly attaching herself to the first Talon as a romantic partner makes her a target. That's a complication for House de Riva as a whole, one the Talon part of Viago is already complaining about dealing with, but also in general he wants Arsinoë to live.

(Dellamorte spouses companions do not tend to live long, healthy lives.)

But to the traditionalist Crows' outside point of view, it makes sense for Viago to make a power play through his protege. In his handling of the Illario situation, Lucanis has just exposed the fact that he can, in fact, be manipulated by a soft heart. The way they see it, if Viago then manages to place his protégé as Lucanis's lover and House de Riva as his ally, much less if Arsinoe eventually marries Lucanis and they have children, then Viago will have a considerable amount of influence over the First Talon and the whole of House Dellamorte through her.

Hell, if Arsinoë and Lucanis have children, then after a couple of carefully placed accidents, Viago could even place House de Riva in the seat of first Talon by declaring that his protégé's children belonged to their mother's house.

I cannot stress enough that this is the opposite of what Arsinoë, Lucanis, and Viago all want. Arsinoë doesn't even want to be a mother under regular circumstances, much less as part of an entrapment scheme, and no amount of calculation would ever make Viago use her that way.

But Crows are Crows, and the traditionalists especially do not believe that the more "Reformist" houses like Cantori and de Riva (and now Dellamorte by virtue of Lucanis) don't have some long game they're planning.

So in an a not entirely unexpected move, a few of those Houses send their own agents, their best or most beautiful or most charming, to try and make Lucanis a "better offer" as it were.

Again, this isn't entirely unexpected. Viago can't do much directly without putting more spotlight on Arsinoë or confirming things that he doesn't mean, but Caterina still holds the real power at this point. She deals very harshly with anyone she catches in the attempt.

Arsinoë is a little upset at the disrespect towards her character, significantly more upset that Lucanis has to deal with it, but ultimately stays out of it except comforting Lucanis and deflecting any attempts made in front of her. Maybe the occasional bout of poison, since they've made up their minds about her relationships and reputation either way, but generally it is what it is unless she can spare Lucanis discomfort directly.

Lucanis can't help a certain level of emotional "what the fuck", even though Caterina warned him and Illario extensively growing up that Crows from other Houses might try to romance or bed them as a power play. Illario had responded to that by turning the strategy back on anyone who tried it, not to mention his regular contracts; Lucanis had never thought it would be relevant to himself.

The attempts are upsetting in what they reveal about how outsiders perceive him (weak, easy to manipulate, yes, but also potentially unfaithful which is much more infuriating) and Arsinoë (who's being slandered/minimized). They're also just generally uncomfortable and annoying. Yet he doesn't actually have the power to make them stop; professing his love for Arsinoë doesn't change the perception of those involved. It just puts more of a target on her back.

Spite is honestly the most pissed though. He doesn't even entirely get what's happening. The emotions bleeding over from Lucanis are confusing, even if he's growing to slowly understand emotions outside his domain from his attachment to his mortal host.

He does, however, understand that these other humans are INSULTING his human and their Rook, trying to separate them as if they aren't both Spite's, and trying to hurt them besides.

Spite has many, many ideas how to deal with an insult and a threat. There's a growing risk that one day Lucanis might be fed up enough to agree.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The TTPD Deep Dive (Part ?)

It’s no secret that I have a lot of Thoughts about The Tortured Poets Department and it has lived rent-free in my head since it came out earlier this year. I’m absolutely blown away by how underneath the chaos, it’s actually an exceptionally cohesive story and is probably the closest to a concept album Taylor has ever done.

There are so many themes that have stood out to me over the last five months, and there’s one in particular that I think not only drives the entire album, but ties into previous albums to help deepen understanding of it.

This is it, my fangirl magnum opus, my months of posts consolidated into one place. This is also my disclaimer that this is just my interpretation of the album, and my summary of the story it tells, and I don’t pretend to have any special insight or authority. I’m not saying I’m correct at all, do not take any of this as fact, it’s just what it sounds like to me, and these are my silly not-so-little thoughts about it.

(Under a cut because it’s way too long and involves discussion many may not care for or be sick of.)

Come one, come all, it's happening again (I'm thinking too hard about Taylor music)

The overarching theme in TTPD to me is: Grief. If you’re looking at TTPD as a story being told (instead of just as someone’s real life), the inciting incident of TTPD is loss, and the grief from that loss is what drives the narrator’s actions and the fallout, as well as unpacks those complicated feelings and how they apply to the her life in general. By the end of the standard album, it’s also about recovering from that pain, moving on from it and learning from it.

The loss specifically is the loss of the dream of having a family (with one’s partner). One thing that is abundantly clear both on the top line and under the surface in TTPD is how Taylor (as a person and as narrator) longed not only to for marriage but specifically parenthood, and the fear and then realization of losing that chance absolutely wrecked her— which is why the next lover’s (the conman's) wooing worked so well, because it preyed on that yearning. Yet that loss also dovetails into the grief of many things: of youth, of idealism, of relationships, of ideas, even of self, which causes almost a deconstruction of a belief system to piece one’s life back together by the end.

THE CONTEXT

TTPD weaves in the topics of marriage and motherhood both explicitly and in the subtext, in various forms and scenarios. The cheating husband in “Fortnight.” The wedding ring line in “TTPD” the song. “He saw forever so he smashed it up” in “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.” All of “So Long, London.” Running away with her wild boy in “But Daddy I Love Him,” fantasizing about weddings and joking about babies. The imaginary rings in “Fresh Out The Slammer.” The cheating husband (again) and the friends who smell like weed or “little babies” in “Florida!!!” “You and I go from one kiss to getting married,” “Talking rings and talking cradles,” and “our field of dreams engulfed in fire” in “loml.” (And arguably: “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all.”) “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short,” in “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart.” They may not sound like much on their own, but they paint a picture about how the topics pervaded her thoughts and her writing, and in many cases express her desires, and her pain.

It’s something that goes back several albums when you pick up on context clues. You get the first hints on Reputation with “New Year’s Day,” and “you and me forevermore.” Then Lover is very forward with it: “Lover” is basically wedding vows, “Paper Rings” is very engagement-coded, “I Think He Knows” is cheeky but low-key “you better put a ring on it,” “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” has wedding/marriage imagery in the last verse. As a self-professed diaristic writer, it’s the type of stuff one presumably doesn’t put out there unless those conversations have already happened, and she was very excited about it at the time it was released.

Then the pandemic happens and folklore comes out, and while there is still happy love there (“invisible string”), there are also the first indications that something has happened to put a halt to whatever future she once dreamed of (“hoax,” “the lakes”) and that she’s trying to reassure herself and him that it can still happen even if she’s scared it might not (“peace”). Notably, as far as I can remember it’s the first time Taylor explicitly brings up the idea of family (with her partner) with “you know that I’d give you my wild, give you a child,” which stood out at the time because it’s so incredibly vulnerable, but it’s even more poignant when you really take in that the whole song is like a confession of her deepest worries, and this is her vowing to give him these things that she holds most sacred if he’ll let her. These are what she cherishes most dearly and wants to return in kind: her youth and commitment (my wild), the family she craves (a child), unconditional support (swing for the fences/sit in the trenches) and understanding/compassion (silence that only comes when two people know each other).

Evermore follows an even darker path, and suddenly the album explores relationships that end and grappling with loss. There are toxic relationships (“tolerate it”), dangerous marriages (“no body, no crime,” “ivy”), failing/broken relationships (“Coney Island,” “champagne problems,” “happiness,” “‘tis the damn season”), as well as grief (“Marjorie,” “evermore”). Even some of the happy songs have uncertainty in them: in “willow” she’s begging for him to take her lead, like she’s still trying to decipher him and ask him to commit; in “cowboy like me,” still a beautiful love song, she’s thinking, “this wasn’t supposed to work and we were supposed to bail on each other but we fell in love instead”; “evermore” is about the depths of severe depression (and more) with the love story being the one saving grace in her darkest hour. And it’s also notable that after all the “fiction” writing, shortly after this album she writes “Renegade” where she’s telling the subject: I’m ready to start the next phase of our life now, why aren’t you? Is it me you don’t want after all? It’s like there’s something telling her that this stall might not just be a stall.

Midnights is a jumble (in a good, but in hindsight, also sad way) with the “sleepless nights” concept, but it seems pretty clear now that the themes and events and relationships she was revisiting tied into a lot of what she was feeling in her present life. I wrote the cliff notes version awhile back, but she’s questioning so much of her life that’s reflected in past events and relationships. Am I actually always the problem? How did we lose sight of each other and what we had? We only seem to work when we block out everyone and everything else. Can we ever go back to when things were good? Why are you neglecting me? I once thought I was going to lose everything but you saved me in the nick of time, can that happen again? I chased my career, but did I give up my chance at having a family in the process? Nobody knows what I really suffer from behind closed doors and I’m all alone.

And so on, which in retrospect now that we have TTPD, is very much what she was grappling with in private while writing and releasing the album. The inspiration behind the songs may have been different events and muses, but regardless of their origins they all end up feeling too familiar, like she's seen this film before (ahem). We’re seeing her view of commitment change too, or rather how she writes about it: she’s not making the outright declarations of it like on Lover, or even the implied ones on folklore, nor is she talking of the dark side of it like evermore. For the most part it’s a return to the early days of some relationships, before things got hard, or the end of them when there was nothing left, and also pushing away the discussion of it altogether by the outside world. “Sweet Nothing” is a sweet slice of life, but even at that, it’s the peace of the home in conflict with the pressure of the outside world. Now that we have “You’re Losing Me,” which was written at the same time as the rest of the album, we can probably deduce that she was going back to the start because something happened that made her doubt the future.

THE SETUP

So much of Midnights directly ties into TTPD, and I said in the post I linked that it’s like Midnights is asking the questions that TTPD answers. But there’s one song in particular on Midnights that sticks out to me as being key in the broadest sense to understanding the state of mind that led to the events of TTPD, and that’s “Bigger Than The Whole Sky,” because the way it expresses grief is reflected in the theme of mourning a life built and the dreams along with it that are never realized in TTPD. There are several instances in TTPD that are basically variations of: “every single thing to come has turned into ashes,” and that’s what makes her snap, and leaves her vulnerable to someone who promises her those things when she’s bereaved at losing them in the first place. (In other words: “the deflation of our dreaming leaving me bereft and reeling.”) The song tells a story about how that loss of hope colours one’s entire mindset, and in some ways is a bridge to TTPD to understand what such a low point feels like.

I think that that grief, and most importantly losing hope for an imagined future in its wake, is fundamental to understanding TTPD on so many levels: both the decline with one partner that kept her hanging on then led her such a dark path, and why she fell for the conman's apparent bullshitting because it offered an express pass to what she was losing with her partner. And I also feel like it plays a part into the ruminating she’s doing all over Midnights, trying to make sense of where she finds herself when she’s writing the album, which directly leads to “You’re Losing Me.” Loss permeates so many of the stories on Midnights: of lovers, of innocence, of youth, of faith, of control, of life’s work, etc. “BTTWS” is just one of the ways in which it is expressed so fully, capturing that deep depression and subsequent extinction of faith in something that once felt assured and very much wanted. (Which is also mentioned in her writing process in the “Depression” playlist on Apple Music.)

If you understand why that feeling of loss in general across so many parts of life is so important to Midnights, then it illuminates so much about the “narrative” in TTPD too. If on Midnights she’s wrestling with the seeds of grief and loss (on multiple fronts), TTPD is her reckoning with it in its full form. “So Long, London” is the song that is the most explicit about it: How much sad did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I’d go before I’d have to go be free? You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof. It’s the sequel to “You’re Losing Me.” It’s, the air is thick with loss and indecision, I know my pain is such an imposition, I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, I’ve got nothing left to believe unless you’re choosing me, my heart won’t start anymore, but from the other side of the break.

This is highly speculative, but if you follow the thread about the topic and the relationship as told from Rep through TTPD, in broad strokes it goes: young love with a serious connection (Rep) -> growing up and making life plans (Lover) -> something happens that delays those plans or makes them grind to a halt (folklore) -> serious doubts arise and cause a loss of faith in their future (evermore) -> struggling with the loss of that future and trying to make sense of the problems in a last ditch attempt to save the relationship (Midnights) -> fallout from that grief after the blowup of the relationship (TTPD). Understanding that progression of events (through the music) explains not only the storytelling side of TTPD (e.g. the jump from the partner to the conman) but also how the experiences/muses blend in the music, and how the music that on the surface is about the short-term relationship is really driven by the destruction of the long-term one.

Following the music, it’s IMO implied that Taylor (the narrator) was holding out for marriage and family with her partner, for years, and it seems like it was at one point a shared dream until something happened to pump the brakes, and seemingly on her partner’s end. And extrapolating further, given how the sorrow expressed in former albums bleeds into TTPD, it sounds like a plan that had been concrete in some form before it had fallen apart, and losing something that once felt so tangible is what drives her in her grief to find any kind of respite from the pain. Which is why the situation with the conman becomes so appealing as the one with the partner splinters further and further.

(If everything you’ve once touched is sick with sadness and you don’t want to be sad anymore, what are you left to do?)

THE STORY

So (one part of) the story kind of sounds like this from the standard album: the relationship with her partner as well as his mental health slowly deteriorate and he withdraws emotionally (“London,” “Fresh Out The Slammer”) and physically (again, “London,” and “Guilty As Sin?”) and takes his resentment out on her (“London” and arguably “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” even though I don't want to get into muse speculation here). As she sinks deeper into her own depression as a result, the weight of the failing relationship starts feeling like a cage— or a noose (“London,” “Guilty”), but coming to terms with the loss of their life together and the future they’d dreamed of was killing her (again, “London,” but also “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart”).

Enter the conman who she reconnects with at the very point where this is coming to a head (knowing that IRL she reconnected with him around the time Midnights was being worked on) , and if you read between the lines, she confides some deeply personal things to him (“Down Bad” and “hostile takes overs”/“encounters closer and closer,” “Smallest Man” and the entire sleeper cell spy imagery which is one of my favourite things and I could write a whole essay about the meaning of it, “loml” and “A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme”). Then after she’s confided these secrets to him, he insinuates himself back into her life (“Guilty,” “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man”) and sells her a dream that HE can give her all these things she hopes for (again, “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man,” “loml,” song “TTPD,” “Broken Heart”).

But the thing is, he only knows these are the things she wants because she’s revealed it to him, and presumably, told him that was what she was losing by staying with her partner. And instead of the normal response of, “that is really sad that your partner is not supporting you and you deserve to be treated better,” to a friend in growing distress, it seems like it was, “well I can give you all those things!!!! Right now!!!! Trust me!!!!” And worked on her until she believed it, and jumped at the chance at a precarious time in her life. And one thing I want to underscore is: Taylor has agency in the situation always, it’s not like she’s been kidnapped and brainwashed. (In fact, she implores on songs like “But Daddy” that SHE is in charge of her own choices, good or bad.) She chose to rekindle the friendship and then relationship, and she chose to eventually leave her long term relationship for another man, and she reiterates on the album that she owns this all. But it’s also: nothing exists in a vacuum, and she makes choices based on emotions and information she has at the time, which is why it gives so much whiplash.

THE ALBUM

When you look at it as, the situation with the conman only happens because of what happened with the partner first and that the appeal of the conman and the fantasy he sells her is a direct reaction to that, it makes the “swirliness” of the music make so much more sense. And for much of it, even many of the “conman” songs on the surface are really “partner” songs underneath.

Fortnight

A suburban gothic allegory about a broken marriage with a distant husband with a wandering eye, which makes the rekindled romance with the neighbor so appealing. She’s miserable caged in her stifling house because she’s been abandoned by her spouse, so the reappearance of this past love reignites the passion that’s dead at home.

TTPD

“So tell me, who else is gonna know me?” “I chose this cyclone with you.” I’m gonna kill myself if you ever leave. Everyone knows we’re crazy. She’s laying it out there that she’s already in a dangerous state of mind, and she’s actively putting herself in more danger by pursuing the conman. “At dinner you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on, and that’s the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding,” spells this whole thing out so clearly: whether it’s an actual event (likely) or a metaphor for the promise he makes to her, the reason why it makes her heart explode is because it’s the thing she’s been waiting for forever with no movement, and here this person comes in and slips it on her finger in an instant like it’s nothing. (And eventually, as we’ll come to know, it is absolutely nothing to him.) You mean it could have been this easy this whole time?! (Well, no. Not until a certain other suitor makes his appearance later.) It feels like she’s finally getting everything she wanted in the blink of an eye! How lucky! How convenient! What was that about the get-love-quick scheme you say? (Unsaid: the reason why this feels so urgent is because there’s a sense that time is running out in so many aspects of her life and not just the obvious. Which reappears later on.)

Down Bad

“Did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” sets the scene for this euphoric experience in the moment that starts to feel violating once the dust settles (which is then followed up in “Smallest Man” and the spy mission on her). The bridge spells out how he weaselled his way into her life, preyed upon (intentionally or not) her emotional state, sold her a dream and then vanished, without the benefit of hindsight yet we see later in the album.

The alien abduction metaphor is pretty brilliant, because it shows both how she was desperate to escape the place she found herself in, and how much it screwed her brain to then be left stranded when the affair was over. “[I loved your] hostile takeovers, encounters closer and closer,” is so evocative because it details how the situation came to be: his overtures under the guise of friendship blurred lines until he made her an offer that she eventually couldn’t refuse (hostile takeovers) as he infiltrated her life more and more intimately. The sad thing is that the song has parallels to how her relationship with the partner started too in earlier albums, in that they ran away to live in their own bubble (or planet) only for him to metaphorically abandon her as the years went on. (Oven, meet microwave.)

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Being continually emotionally broken down by a person who knows he’s hurting you but still acts the way he does. (The original voice memo version makes this even clearer and it’s rather heartbreaking.) “He saw forever so he smashed it up,” speaks to the loss of a future the person became scared of, and the original lyrics (“he saw forever so he blew it up”) somehow cut even deeper to me because it feels so much more intentional.

Also in the original version, “he was my best friend and that was the worst part,” also speaks not only to the loss of an entire partnership in the wake of this hurt, but also to the feelings of betrayal that the person you trust so deeply has the ability to hurt you in this way too, and how it’s a one-two punch of not only losing the relationship but also your closest confidant. (It’s like the sequel to “Renegade” and the missiles firing to me.) Again, there are shades of both/many situations in the song, pointing to an unfortunate pattern in some ways. The situation in “My Boy” is part of why she was so low, and why the “get love quick scheme” was so appealing later on. And it dovetails nicely into…

So Long, London

The most explicitly “partner” song that puts a coda on “You’re Losing Me,” and is Track 5 because it’s the emotional underpinning of how she got to where she was, and drives the events of the rest of the album. It spells everything out: He withdrew, she tried to fix it for both of them, eventually even that stopped working, he was oblivious to or minimized how badly she was suffering and his (in)actions couldn’t reassure her, he wouldn’t move forward on their future plans and stewed in his own struggles, she was spiralling out of control trying to hang on and ultimately felt like she was going to die if she didn’t leave.

But Daddy I Love Him

Like a direct reaction to “So Long, London” in that she breaks free from the death of one relationship and throws herself with reckless abandon to the next, fuck the haters. How dare you judge me, when the relationship you think I should have stayed in was killing me? (Dutiful daughter all the plans were laid. All you want is gray for me.) Fuck all of you, I’m going to choose whoever I want! (So what if I have a baby with HIM, huh?! I tried doing it the proper way and look where that got me so now we're back to square one) It’s again her imagining how wonderful and freeing this “wild boy” is going to be for her, and how wrong she’ll prove everyone. THIS TIME she definitely got it right. So what if she has to run away! So what if she scandalizes the whole town! They don’t know what she really wants or needs anyway! She’s the only one of her (hee-hee-hee) and she’s the only who gets to decides how this goes. (Because: she longs for control in a situation she’ll eventually realize she has little of it in, which we’ll find out is a recurring theme in her life.)

Fresh Out The Slammer

Also spells out what happened with the partner in the first verse and the pre-choruses, which is what makes the conman so appealing as the imagined jailbreak. The bitter loneliness vs. the sultry passion she builds up in her head as she awaits her release from prison is key to understanding the two sides of the story in the album. There’s this whole outlaw imagery (which is also carried through in “I Can Fix Him”), but it’s contrasted in the end with her and her reunited lover sitting on park swings like children with “imaginary rings” — because “Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake.” What’s at stake is lasting love and the promises that come with it (marriage/family) that are precious and time-sensitive. The imaginary rings are both a nod to the youthful dreams of her and her new/old lover, but also has a double meaning to me because those promises aren’t built on anything together; they're made up, intangible. (They’re no more concrete than the plans that went up in smoke with the partner.) Like with most of the conman situation, it’s all a fantasy in her head that has yet to happen, and as we find out later in the album, reality ends up leaving much to be desired.

Florida!!!

Broadly speaking, it’s running away from your problems and wanting to disappear from your life. (But again: the life she’s disappearing from is the cheating husband she may or may not be feeding to the swamp-- another miserable marriage.) What kind of flies under the radar though is the “I don’t want to exist,” line, which points to her dire state of mind that led her to fleeing to that metaphorical timeshare down in Destin. In many ways about cheating death.

Guilty As Sin

Yes it’s the “masturbation song,” but again the nuance is that she’s left to pleasure herself because her partner has abandoned her emotionally and even physically, i.e. “my boredom’s bone deep.” To be blunt: they aren’t even intimate anymore, so she starts fantasizing about the guy she used to have chemistry with who’s reentered her life and is making moves on her. And realizing that she’s now finding release in another man (albeit imaginary) breaks her even as it reinvigorates her because she finally understands that the relationship she’s in is effectively dead. (“Am I allowed to cry?”)

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

This isn’t about relationships, but about society and its reaction to them in a general sense. But again, she’s left to stew in all this anger and hurt as she’s been abandoned at home, then abandoned by public opinion, and the public attack on her is part of the origin as well as the end of that story. The trauma inflicted upon her detailed in the song is the reason why she felt trapped in the first place, which led to the decisions she’s made and habits she’s leaned on ever since.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

This is one of the few songs that is the most completely conman-coded, and shows when the delusion finally breaks at the end of the song. She spends the whole song being like, “no really, I alone can make him better! You’ll see! I know he’s gross, but he’s mine! It’ll be fine I swear! You don’t know anything! Uuuuuum hmm wait actually what the fuck—“

Loml

Oof. THE song. Again the surface reading is about the “conman” who comes in and sells her the lie, but the pain is because all the dreams she writes about are HER dreams and implied that they were the dreams she built with her partner that the conman sold back to her. I could do a deeper dive on this but most of the song is applicable to both relationships, which not only shows the “swirliness” of her writing, but also how they both ultimately did the same thing to her in different shades.

The bridge and the last chorus are kind of fundamental to understanding it all, and her ending it with “you’re the loss of my life” is about, among other things, how falling for this trap blew up the life she built and dreamed of for good. (I could talk about this one forever.) “You shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles” to “Our field of dreams engulfed in fire” is a hell of a line and progression, and again, indicative of what the real driving force behind the whole album is. The shit-talking is because he took her dreams (of marriage and children) and hyped it back up to her tenfold whether in a moment of his own delusion or for more nefarious reasons — much like how the man prior kept promising these things but never followed through, which left her vulnerable to someone who appeared to offer them enthusiastically. The field of dreams isn’t just the one with the conman, it’s the one with the longterm relationship she’d built the dream with in the first place, because the conman’s actions are part of the reason the LTR went up in smoke. (Not the reason for the rift, but the consequence of the final break.) And THAT is why it’s the loss of her life, so completely.

When she says “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all,” IMO it’s not just the fake future that the conman lures her into, but also (and perhaps mainly) the once-real one she had with her partner and the loss of which that made her susceptible to falling for the con in the first place. There’s honestly so much between the lines in this song that covers every theme and speaks to the grief of seeing the life she imagined slip away, slowly by the first man then annihilated by the second.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

The juxtaposition of “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short” and “He said he’d love me for all time, but that time was quite short” sums it up to me (and parallels “loml”), because they are two different situations, but they cut her just the same. In the first, “that life” IMO was the life they’d built with the dreams that went along with it and it was too short because he never followed through, and in the second, the “time” was quite short because it was the frenzy of the whirlwind romance that fizzled as quickly as it began. The life that was too short led to the time that was quite short.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

This is definitely THE conman song. The rage, the shame, the violation, it’s all in there. But the key to it is the bridge and the espionage imagery woven through it. A honeypot scheme is when spies target a mark and seduce them to gain their trust and their privileged information for their homeland. So her likening him to a sleeper cell spy who set her up just to mine her deepest secrets and use them against her is a heavy, loaded statement. And implied: that valuable information she unknowingly held were her longings of marriage and family (the aforementioned shit-talking about rings and cradles she never got to have), and more importantly, those dreams preceded him reentering her life and then beginning his mission on her.

The insinuation then is: she confesses these are her deepest wishes which are now seemingly unattainable in her current situation (e.g. with her partner) -> he convinces her HE will give them to her and make the dreams she pines for come true -> she falls for him and blows up her life to make it happen -> he gets what he wants (thrill of the chase/sex/the idea of her/whatever his intent was) -> he abandons her when he gets what he wants, or rather it isn’t what he wants or can handle -> she’s left a) all alone b) with dreams unfulfilled c) with no answers d) feeling used at having her most sacred wishes used against her.

Again, the song is unquestionably about the way the conman absolutely destroyed her, but he was able to do that because there was this thing she wanted more than anything, that was dying in her previous relationship, that he was able to prey upon to seduce her, then discarded her and her dreams as soon as it was inconvenient for him while absolutely hollowing her inside out. (And again: the devastating thing is that this also applies to other relationships she’s written about, in different ways.)

The Alchemy

Not about either the partner or the conman directly, but it (loosely) touches on her finding herself after the whole oven-to-microwave experience and opening herself up to life and love again. #GoodForHer

Clara Bow

This isn’t about the romantic relationships on the surface, but it is about how damaging the entertainment industry and public life are on women, and how women are only valued for their beauty as commodities until they can be discarded and destroyed in the process. Which I think plays into the circumstances that led her to make the decisions that she did years ago, and why she makes the ones she does now. (But also, being valued for physical traits and appeal for the male gaze brings us to…)

The Manuscript

The “original sin” that kicks off all of this. Again, at first light this isn’t about the partner or the conman, but the person it is about is the reason why she has made all the decisions she has ever since in relationships (and that’s Mr. Plaid Shirt Days from “All Too Well”). The realization that her first serious adult relationship is what cemented these patterns, and this view of herself and her worthiness in relationships, is profoundly sad. An older man who valued her for being so mature for her age and implying that the mature activities ahem associated with that were the performance benchmarks in her ability to carry a relationship, only to leave her, was earth shattering. She placed her faith in this person, but then the way he treated her changed her view of love and of herself.

She took his innuendo about “pushing strollers” as a sign of potential commitment, whereas he ultimately meant it as foreplay, and she was too young and naive to know the difference. So not only did she learn from that that this man (and men) didn’t view commitment and family the way she did and that it was something to be toyed with, but she also learned that her value to them among other things was sex. Imagine being an idealistic 20 year old and your boyfriend ten years your senior tells you, “if the sex is anywhere near as good as our dates have been, we’re going to be making babies before you know it,” (e.g. this is relationship is serious) and then he dumps you: does that imply that the sex was not in fact that good? (E.g. that you’re not worthy after all?)

No, obviously from this side of life, it’s because he was a commitment-phobic playboy, even if he did love her, but she couldn’t have known that at 20 and instead internalized that shame. But, it did send her on a path of how she approached sex and love and relationships for over a decade afterwards. And her coming to the realization that that first act of (perhaps unintentional) manipulation is what informed her actions thereafter helped her break the pattern. Her worth to men is not just sex, she has value and her hopes and dreams have value, she doesn’t have to change into a different person to please anyone, because if that is what they want, they won’t ever want her anyway.

It’s been described here on Tumblr by people more eloquent and astute than I as a song that encapsulates the album as this: one did it slow (partner), one did it fast (conman), and one did it first (first love)— and that is haunting. After years of men minimizing her dreams and desires, if not outright using them against her, she’s finally at the point where she can let it all go and move on for good. (There’s a whole other tangent about consent and shame and manipulation, but that’s an entirely different kind of discussion. But it is so devastatingly contrasted with “you said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine, and that made me want to die.”)

THE SUMMATION

This is just my interpretation of it, but in going through the standard album, it feels pretty clear how cohesive the album is about a story of love and loss and grief, then reckoning with what caused it all in the first place that set a person on this path. It’s a formative experience at a young age that was traumatic and led to certain coping mechanisms and a shaping of one’s self-perception, as well as the reaction to external pressures that try to dictate behaviours and influence how one feels one deserves out of love which makes it harder to know when one absolutely deserves more and better. And leaves one struggling to cope with loss when there isn’t anything else to hold onto. Then in light of one’s life blowing up, learning to find oneself in the aftermath all over again.

On another tangent that is somewhat related to the theme of loss, the way she writes about the two main muses on the standard album also ties into how the situations converged to create absolute carnage on her emotional and mental well-being. With one situation, she’s talking about a concrete life that crumbles under the weight of their struggles; with the other, the entire thing is a fantasy that she builds up in her head, and when it comes to fruition it falls far, far short.

If you look at the “microwave” (conman) relationship, you realize that almost everything she writes about it happens before it actually becomes reality, and it’s mostly her imagining how great it’ll be, but with few exceptions, when she writes about what actually occurred, it doesn’t even come close to living up to her expectations. “Fortnight” is an imagined future where she escapes to Florida and his touch finally starts her stalled engine (ahem). “TTPD” is perhaps the most positive retelling of their time together, but even that implies he was better off stoned and when he sobered up he succumbed to his demons all over again, and more importantly she conveys how she also is in extreme distress, barely concealed by the veneer of being infatuated with him. (E.g. saying to that she’ll kill herself if he ever leaves her — the implication is that she is absolutely serious about it when she “felt seen.”) And that the warning bells are going off in her head, but she feels like this person is the only one she can be with (because they’re equally fucked up and the chaos he brings into her life makes her feel alive when she felt so close to death).

“Down Bad” is the most explicit about being in love, but she’s also left completely confused and disoriented by him disappearing, wondering if any of it was real and the seeds of violation creep into her consciousness (“did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” “Waking up in blood.”). “But Daddy” is her imagining she can tell everyone to fuck off for telling her what to do with her life. “Fresh Out The Slammer” is her fantasizing about this man while feeling trapped in her relationship — but never in the song is she actually reunited with him; she’s using him as the projection of all the things she’ll make right after being wronged by her partner. “Guilty As Sin?” Is very obviously about her fantasizing about sleeping with him, but again it’s such a minefield for her because it hasn’t happened yet; they’ve only just reconnected. “I Can Fix Him” is the only song other than “TTPD” that shows them actually together, and it’s the one where she keeps saying, essentially, “I know he’s gross but I can rehabilitate him into an upstanding person, trust me,” until the mic drop at the end of the song where it finally hits her that no, she can’t, because this is who he is, not the person she’s built him up to be.

“Loml” is when it all comes crashing down, and the song emphasizes everything he did and told her, e.g. that she’s the love of his life, but she doesn’t return the sentiment in the song about their time together. Because now that it’s past tense, she knows it wasn’t actually love. (And says as much in the album epilogue poem.) “Broken Heart” is her reeling in the aftermath, but again, it’s “he said,” not “I loved.” And then there’s “The Smallest Man,” where she eviscerates him: he also pursued an idea of her but didn’t care much for the real her in front of him (who else is gonna know me?), he love bombed her only to hurt her (crushing her dreams), he was constantly stoned (and not just in the funny munchies kind of way), and he wasn’t even a good lover (despite the fantasy she’d created before). That last point is especially striking because she spent albums singing about the importance of and pleasure in (sexual) intimacy in the relationship with her partner (sometimes to both their own detriment) and how it was at times the only way they could connect, but in this case, the idea she hyped up and acted on in her head about this lover never panned out in practice. She spells it out in the epilogue: it wasn’t a love affair, it was a mutual manic phase.

In contrast, there’s a lot more tangible action in the “oven” (partner) parts of the album, showing how hard she tried to make the relationship work in real life instead of just in her head. All of “So Long, London” is her detailing how she tried to break through to him and support him, even when he rejected it and pushed her away, thinking she could carry them both until they ultimately sank, but she did it because she “loved this place for so long.” (The place? Not just the city, but the home and perhaps most importantly, him.) In “Slammer” she stayed with him even as things disintegrated for “one hour of sunshine.” (E.g. holding onto the rarer good times even as they were fewer and further between, hoping things would eventually turn around.) And like in “London,” she held on despite people in her life pleading with her that it was hurting her. (Which is also echoed in “Slammer.”) In “Guilty” her boredom is “bone deep” because the passion that once drove their relationship (and papered over their problems) has finally gone out too, so there’s nothing left to hold onto, leading to her fantasizing about the new suitor, which makes her realize her relationship has passed the point of no return. “Loml” is about the conman on the surface, but the undercurrent of all the things she says about him is that he was co-opting the dreams that she was clinging onto for dear life in the previous relationship, which is why the con is so painful; the field of dreams he sets ablaze isn’t just the fake painting he sold to her, but the original artifact (her life with her partner) too.

All the physical and emotional labour she puts into the relationship with her partner ends up reflected in the fantasizing she does in the one with the conman, which is why it is so confusing in the moment and so lethal when he leaves her without any answers. She wants to get married and start a family with her partner which keeps getting stalled; the conman mock-proposes which makes her think he’s immediately serious (“TTPD,” “loml”). She feels caged by having to hide with her partner and shrink herself; the conman promises he’ll stand by her side publicly and let her shine (“Smallest Man”). She sinks into a deep depression in her loneliness as the relationship with her partner careens off a cliff; the conman convinces her they’re meant for each other in a them-against-the-world way (“Down Bad”). The intimacy (in all senses of the word) in her relationship with her partner fizzles; the conman stokes the fire by sending her secret messages and reigniting passion (“Guilty”). She spent years trying to help her partner to no avail; the conman makes her think she has the power to reform him (“loml”). She feels misunderstood by her partner; the conman acts like he’s the (only) one who truly gets her (“TTPD,” “loml”).

In short: there’s nothing that the conman does or says that isn’t a direct response to what her partner did first, and it’s even worse because the conman knew how much her partner’s actions hurt her and he used that privileged information to paint a picture of what he could give her, but in doing so in some ways aimed at her heart with even deadlier accuracy. (I’ve likened it to him borrowing someone else’s life for his own joyride, until he crashes the rental car and flees the scene.) It’s why in the aftermath, the difference in emotions are so different: she feels nothing but rage and violation towards the conman for getting in her head and using her, whereas her feelings towards her partner are more complicated. There’s anger (at her lost youth and being taken for granted), but there’s also sorrow (at their lost life and future), disappointment (that he never could step up the way he’d promised or she’d needed), even compassion (towards his struggles) and a tiny measure of appreciation (for the good times they did share).

When you look at the bigger picture, the story the album paints is just so painfully normal. You have two people (Taylor and her partner) who once loved each other deeply, and despite warning signs early on telling them they have fundamentally different needs and ways of living their lives they fight like hell to make it work (the epilogue) until those warning signs become grenades that destroy their home (“My Boy,” “London,” “Slammer,” arguably “loml”). Having already been through at least one rough patch/break/breakup that she felt almost destroyed her (harkening back to Midnights on “You’re Losing Me,” “The Great War” and “Hits Different”), the final and fatal downward spiral of the relationship (“YLM,” “London”) and the grief over losing that future sends her into a tailspin, just at the time where a flame from the past (the conman) reenters her life and tells her all the things she’s been longing to hear and feel (“TTPD,” “Down Bad,” “Guilty,” “loml”) and, crucially, missing from the relationship that was once her entire life.

So in her panic, she falls prey to the (empty) promises of the past lover (“loml,” “Smallest Man”) and decides he’s actually what will save her from the free fall, because the alternative (that she will end up in a situation she doesn’t think she can survive) is too painful to bear. When she finally acts on these circumstances (leaves her partner/runs to the conman), she snaps, acting on pure emotion and adrenaline (“But Daddy”), but before she knows it, the new lover abandons her, and she’s left to reckon with the fallout of the episode and process everything that has happened (“Down Bad,” “loml”) — with the conman, with her partner, with the choices made in her adult life personally and professionally which leads her back to the moment she feels set her down that road at the start.

The TL;DR of this unintentionally long essay is that the reason the conman affair was so serious was precisely because it was meant to fulfill the promise of what was her life with her partner. To me, a large part of the story is that she projected that life onto the conman (or he projected her life back to her for his own purposes) because she wasn’t ready to deal with that massive grief and the life raft he offered felt like the only alternative to an even darker end. Whether the conman actually believed what he told her, or he went along with it or encouraged it because it served his purpose, we’ll never know, just like we’ll never know the finer details of what went on (nor should we). But no matter what, the album is just an extreme deep dive into all the ways grief can consume us, and whether it’s a long, drawn-out death or a sudden, inexplicable one, it can turn a person’s life into such a trainwreck that they act in ways unfathomable to even them, let alone the people around them. It can also unleash repressed trauma and mental illness that can crater your sense of self. And when those situations are compounded? It makes for a nearly impossible type of breakdown to unpack. (Which is why you might need a 31 song album to process it.)

[elswing]

i hate posting discourse it's pointless and doesn't do anything for me except prolong my annoyance but i'm Tired™ and feel like shouting into the void. apologies to my beautiful feanorian mutuals please look away i love u

i neeeeeeed everyone to stop claiming they like elwing if their characterisation of her is completely made-up biased bullshit that paints her as an immature and disdained ruler (?????) who couldn't balance her responsibilities with the husband she married too young (at 22. practically a child bride honestly) and the children she never wanted (where. where does it say this). she's clearly such a bad mother that she abandoned them at first opportunity (she knew the feanorians were more than capable of killing a pair of twin boys because they literally already did that. that's very much a thing that already happened. to her brothers) and it was her selfish nature that made her soooo eager to flee (she had no reason to think ulmo would save her it was literally a suicide attempt. she wanted to make sure the deaths of her people and presumed deaths of her sons weren't in vain by ensuring they never obtained the silmaril)

like i'm gonna touch your hand as i say this. it's okay if you hate her! just don't pretend that you weren't thriving in the 2016 era of silm fandom where everyone pushed all their male fave's negative traits onto any other woman in a 5 mile radius to grab Poor Little Meow Meow status for war criminal #1 #2 and #3 to then turn around and spout the exact same (factually untrue) sexist rhetoric concealed under seven layers of buzzwords just because it's the year of "unlikable and complicated female characters" like buddy who are we talking about here. have you perhaps considered making an oc?

and i'm NOT saying i want the whole fandom to mimic my exact opinions and thoughts about elwing i realise that one of the best parts of the silm is how divisive it is and how you have so much wiggle room to come to your own interpretations because of how VAGUE the source material is but i'm genuinely convinced everyone's just parroting shit they saw in ao3 fanfics where maglor is secretly lindir and the premise is elrond sneaking him into valinor and elwing yells at him for slaughtering her people. TWICE. and this is framed as a category 5 Woman Moment so elrond disowns her and calls maglor his real dad

(eärendil misses this entire ordeal because he went on a voyage to save the world that one time and no one's let him live it down since because the whole fandom as a collective decided he did this because he's a terrible dad and not because the whole continent was at war and about to be wiped out and maybe he came to the unfortunate but reasonable conclusion that leaving is the best thing he could do for his family if it meant there was a chance his sons could grow up safe in a world that wasn't ruled by Fucking Satan so now his whole Beloved Sacrificial Lion: The Thin Line Between Doomed and Prophesized Hero™ shtick is tossed out in favour of.... *checks notes* Guy Who Forgot To Pay Child Support? oh and they're a lot louder about this because he's a man so no one can call it misogyny that's why no one ever goes the #girlflop #ILoveMyBlorbosNastyAndComplicated route with him and he gets dubbed as that one asshole who just wanted fame and glory even though that goes against the general themes for tolkien's hero characters. and tolkien loved that dude to bits that was his specialist little guy so you can't seriously tell me you think that's what he was trying to portray???????? is that seriously what you think he was trying to portray????????? babe????????????

also there's a BIG difference when it's a character that's only named in one draft and doesn't exist in the rest or gil-galad who has like three and a half possible fathers but ELWING??????? the only possible way you could be coming to these conclusions is if you read the damn book with your eyes closed. FUCK.

[noahideahwrites]

Omegas that would have obsessions — Multifandom

Notes: This is inspired by @animeomegas's headcanon of Nara's obsessions, but since I discovered it through @omeganronpa I'm giving them both credit.

Warnings: Contain MAJOR Inuyasha spoilers, might have grammar errors, confusing talk about reincarnation (I don't know what I'm saying either lol)

I had this idea for a while, cause I like the idea of the Nara clan having a sort of "soulmate", so I thought to myself "What other characters that I write for would also have obsessions?". And here are the ones I think would have:

- Inuyasha: 

»» I think he and his entire family (his father and brother) would have it, just like it happens with the Nara clan every heir has an obsession. But in Inuyasha's case, it can be a little confusing.

»» Because if we follow the canon, his obsession would be Kikyo and Kagome, considering they are the same person since Kagome is the reincarnation of Kikyo from the future. So in the end, they're the same person in different timelines.

»» So we can have three scenarios in this case, first one: Inuyasha's obsession is Alpha from the very start, and he doesn't fall in love with Kikyo.

»» Second scenario is that (Name) is the only reincarnation of Kikyo, and Kagome either doesn't exist or just isn't the reincarnation. The third scenario would be that Kagome and Alpha are twins, and they're both the reincarnation of Kikyo, but Inuyasha only obsesses over one, cause otherwise it could lead to incest and I don't like that.

»» For the majority of the anime's plot to work, I think we would have to go with a mix of the third and second scenario, in which Alpha is Kagome's older sibling (by a few years), and is also Kikyo's reincarnation but either both the siblings have priest's powers or only Kagome has.

- Sesshomaru:

»» Being Inuyasha's brother he has an obsession too, but it is a lot easier to discuss how it would work.

»» I hate that they made Sesshomaru and Rin a couple, he raised her like a daughter through the anime, and in the end (and Hanyō no Yashahime) they turned into a couple. I understand that at their time this conception might not be weird and whatnot, but it is to me, so we will pretend like it didn't happen.

»» Unlike Inuyasha, Sesshomaru would already know this concept from his father. Since Inuyasha never met his dad, I think the obsession would be all news for him and he might get overwhelmed. Which would not happen with Sesshomaru.

»» Like, don't get me wrong, I think he would avoid "activating" his obsession because for him feelings and emotions are unnecessary and he doesn't need or want that. He's also very much anti-social, so it might take a while for him to find his obsession.

»» And for it to work he would have to find them after finding and adopting Rin, because he only became more accepting of people in general after her, principally human. If Alpha is a Yokai things would probably be easier for them, but if they're a human Jaken will make their life harder (and perhaps annoy everybody).

- Tōga:

»» This is also complicated to think about, cause adding a third party to his story would probably mess up the entire anime, considering that he would have to meet his obsession before he dies.

»» So basically we have two scenarios, one which doesn't disturb the canon as much and the other that probably will. Unfortunately, I don't think there is a way to not change the story of the anime on this one.

»» So, the first scenario is a little bit long so bear with me. Tōga and Sesshomaru's mom only married for power or political purposes, so both of them knew that there was no love in the relationship (I do believe this is canon, but I haven't seen confirmation). Some years later he meets Izayoi (Inuyasha's mom) and he thinks that he has "activated" his obsession, while Izayoi was pregnant, Tōga was fighting the dragon Ryūkotsusei, and in this battle, he met his actual obsession. Who would have seen and heard the fight and decided to help Tōga defeat the dragon, and also helped on saving Izayoi and Inuyasha.

»» Still in the first scenario, this could end two ways, either both Alpha and Tōga die because of the number of lethal wounds they have, or both end up surviving and escaping with Izayoi and raise Inuyasha together. Just an addon to this, I do believe that both Tōga and Izayoi are omegas, and in my universe, male omegas can impregnate others (that can get pregnant, obviously).

»» The second scenario is a lot shorter, but Alpha is Inuyasha's and Sesshomaru's parent, just because I want them both to exist in all scenarios. So if Alpha is either a human or a yokai would probably change the outcome of this, but I do think they would all be a loving family, which is kind of a weird concept considering that Sesshomaru and Inuyasha hate each other in the anime.

- Sebastian:

»» I'm gonna be completely honest, this is heavily influenced by a mod that I installed that makes Seb completely obsessed with the farmer, so this is the only reason why he is here.

»» I don't think this would run in his family, is his thing, but it might also happen to his children, so this genetic obsession might start with him and go for the future generations.

»» From this list, his obsession is the most similar to Shikamaru's, if not more intense, he is a very socially anxious person who only has two actual friends and spends the majority of his days in his room hidden from everyone and everything. He even got a job where he doesn't need to be talking to people or leaving his room.

»» It would be the first time he meets someone and has clear feelings for them, so it would be overwhelming to him and he would not know what to do, but would still try to spend as much time with his obsession as physically possible.

»» Now this would be weird for both Alpha and Seb, considering nobody else in the town has an obsession and he never acted like this towards anybody or thing.

[mynameisonionhaha]

Matthew Patel Analysis

I would like to say first off, I am not Indian. I am a Mexican kid who just really likes learning about different cultures. If anything in this is incorrect, offensive, or just overall dumb, I would really like to be corrected and would REALLY like to be able to fix it.

I’ve been trying to decipher what the markings on the demon girl’s and Matthew’s foreheads are. The main assumption would be that they are bindis, but that doesn’t sit entirely right with me when you think about what they represent in Indian culture.

For the demon girls, you COULD say that the markings are bindis, and that they are supposed to represent something “marital”, which would then imply that their binding to Matthew is more complicated, but I personally disagree with this for multiple reasons.

Then of course, for Matthew that would be a bit more complicated. Married women aren’t the only ones who use bindi markings of course as they also can have other uses and meanings, such as representing the third eye. Given Matthew’s powers, this would make sense, but it still doesn’t fully fit correctly in my beautiful mind.

The biggest thing that perplexes me is their colors and shape. They aren’t exactly round--they actually seem to be more elongated, like a very thin teardrop. This made me wonder if they were actually supposed to be tilaks instead, which makes slightly more sense to my big brain. This has to do with two main reasons: 1, both men and women can wear it. 2, Shiva and Shakti.

Let’s start with Shakta.

“Shaktas (worshippers of Devi — the feminine manifestation of the Divine) use kumkum to either draw a single red vertical line, or place a red dot, as a symbol of her divine energy and power.”  Source: https://www.hinduamerican.org/blog/5-things-to-know-about-tilak

Shakta is the consort of Shiva, the goddess who is often personified as “Devi”, who acts as the divine feminine to Shiva’s divine masculinity.

“Yoni, (Sanskrit: “abode,” “source,” “womb,” or “vagina”) in Hinduism, the symbol of the goddess Shakti, the feminine generative power and, as a goddess, the consort of Shiva. In Shaivism, the branch of Hinduism devoted to worship of the god Shiva, the yoni is often associated with the lingam, which is Shiva’s symbol. In sculpture and paintings, the lingam is depicted as resting in the yoni as a cylinder in a spouted dish. The two symbols together represent the eternal process of creation and regeneration, the union of the male and female principles, and the totality of all existence. In a myth narrated in several Puranas, the body of Sati, an avatar of Shakti, is dismembered and scattered throughout India. Her yoni falls, and remains, in Assam, regarded as the home of Tantra (esoteric practices).” Source: https://www.britannica.com/topic/yoni 

These statements already clear up the shape, color, and meaning behind the girl’s markings. They are the feminine consorts to Matthew Patel and his escapades. Personally I really like this for multiple reasons, the biggest being that it makes their dynamic significantly more wholesome. This article, https://hridaya-yoga.com/blog/yoni-puja/, talks about the yoni tantras and overall adoration and respect for women. While Matthew and his girls don’t interact together much in terms of actual conversation, the general case seems to be that they are protective, uplifting, and devoted to him, while in return we see that they are treated with respect and not once does he ever see them as lesser or treat them as such. (This could be countered with the fact that they do get put in harm's way a lot, but given that they seem to be able to respawn just fine it probably isn’t an issue and something they are willing to do for him anyways.)

With that, let’s talk about Shiva.

“Shiva meaning “The Auspicious One” is one of the three major deities of Hinduism. He is worshiped as the Supreme God within Shaivism, one of the three most influential denominations in contemporary Hinduism and is also called “the Transformer and the Destroyer”.” Source: https://www.templepurohit.com/shiva-worshipped-form-linga-lingam/#google_vignette 

Matthew and Shiva have lots of things going on, which personally I find really freaking cool. He literally summons what appears to be the trishul, which is Shiva’s trident. How dope is that?? 

“The Trishul, also known as the trident, is the primary weapon of Lord Shiva. It is characterized by three sharp blades connected by a long handle. The three blades always point in the upward direction. Shiva is always found to be holding the handle of the Trishul when he is depicted in the saguna linga form. The three blades have various representations in Hindu mythology.” Source: https://servdharm.com/blogs/post/significance-of-shivas-trishul#:~:text=The%20Trishul%2C%20also%20known%20as,in%20the%20saguna%20linga%20form.

When it comes to the actual symbol on his forehead however, that becomes more difficult. I wondered if he was Shaiva (Shaiva meaning “follower of Shiva”), and that was what the symbol meant, but I couldn’t find anything regarding his specifically.

“Shaivites (worshippers of Shiva), for example, smear their foreheads with three horizontal lines of vibhuti, a sacred white ash that acts as a reminder of the temporary nature of the material world. Made of the burnt dried wood from Hindu fire rituals, the three lines of vibhuti are called tripundra, and represent Shiva’s threefold powers of will, knowledge, and action. Tripudra is also frequently worn with a dot made of kumkum (a powdered red turmeric) in the center, symbolizing the creative and energetic force of the Divine known as the Goddess Shakti.” Source: https://www.hinduamerican.org/blog/5-things-to-know-about-tilak 

Interestingly enough, the tripundra does share the teardrop shape that Matthew has. What confuddles me is the lack of the three lines, and the color. I am unsure as to whether or not this has meaning, was on purpose, or was just what they decided to go with.

I did however come to the conclusion that the color might be related to bhasma (calcine ash), more specifically, “Pushpa Kasisa, which is crystalline with bluish green color.” Source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3530270/ 

“Bhasma is a Sanskrit word that means “bone ash,” “cinder” or “disintegration.” It comes from the root bha, meaning “delusion,” “appearance” or “likeness,” and sma, meaning “ever” or “always.” In Hinduism and yoga, bhasma is sacred ash. In some traditions, it is thought to contain the energy of Shiva.” 

“In the spiritual context, bhasma symbolizes burning the ego to ashes in order to unite with the higher Self or the divine. It represents liberation from the limitations of mortal life and freedom from the cycle of reincarnation. It is also a reminder of the temporary nature of the physical body, which will one day return to ashes.

Also called vibhooti, bhasma is the sacred ash from the fire of a yogi or saint or from the sacrificial fire known as yajna in which special wood, herbs, grains, ghee and other items are offered as part of a worship ritual. Bhasma is thought to destroy sin and consume evil.” Source: https://www.yogapedia.com/definition/5934/bhasma#:~:text=In%20the%20spiritual%20context%2C%20bhasma,from%20the%20cycle%20of%20reincarnation. 

Overall it appears that bhasma is applied to protect its wearer from physical harm/illness as well as serving its spiritual purposes which works really well given that it appeared during a fight where Matthew was in fact, getting harmed.

(I do want to mention though that I do think that it is not actual bhasma as that really wouldn’t make sense, but the similarities and “coincidences” are really cool to me.)

Okay, how does this relate to Matthew’s powers?

“According to yogic texts, there exist seven major chakras (discs of subtle concentrated energy) that run along the center of the body, each of which relate to some aspect of a person’s physical, emotional, and psychological make-up. Tilak is placed on the forehead between the eyebrows where the ajna chakra is located. As ajna means to “perceive” or “command,” the ajna chakra is considered to be the “eye of intuition,” through which a person can discern information that cannot otherwise be seen with one’s physical eyes. This “third eye” is a spiritually potent part of one’s being that helps one to focus inward on the Divine. Tilak, therefore, is placed on the ajna chakra to invoke this divine energy, as well as act as a reminder of the ultimate life goal.” Source: https://www.hinduamerican.org/blog/5-things-to-know-about-tilak 

If Matthew is invoking the power of Shiva to aid him through the third eye, or the ajna chakra, this would make the most sense (and would explain why we hadn’t seen it before, probably). I also think it explains his fireballs pretty well, as I’ve noticed a lot of fire and burning practices and metaphors throughout my search for answers.

Oh, also, this: “Shiva's tapas generated so much heat that his body transformed into a pillar of fire - a blazing lingam that threatened to destroy the whole world. The gods did not know how to control Shiva's fire.”

In fact, the whole summary article thingy is really cool to me, so i’ll put it all here.

“Shiva saw no sense in the transitory pleasures of life, so he rejected samsara, smeared his body with ash, closed his eyes and performed austerities.

Shiva's tapas generated so much heat that his body transformed into a pillar of fire - a blazing lingam that threatened to destroy the whole world. The gods did not know how to control Shiva's fire.

Suddenly there appeared a yoni - the divine vessel of the mother-goddess. It caught the fiery lingam and contained its heat, thus saving the cosmos from untimely destruction.

Shiva is often pictured in a pacific mood with his consort Parvati, as the cosmic dancer Nataraja, as a naked ascetic, as a mendicant beggar, as a yogi Dhakshinamurthy, and as the androgynous union of Shiva and Parvati in one body (Ardhanarisvara).

Shiva also takes the form of Ardhanari, his androgynous form. The right side of the sculpture is Shiva and the left side is Parvati. The attributes of each are split directly down the middle.

Another example of Shiva's apparent synthesis of male and female attributes is seen in his earrings. He often wears one earring in the style of a man and the other as a female.” Source: https://www.lotussculpture.com/shiva-hindu-god-lord-destruction-meaning-symbolism.html#:~:text=Shiva's%20tapas%20generated%20so%20much,how%20to%20control%20Shiva's%20fire. 

So yeah, there you have it. Here is every single source I used:

Shiva

https://servdharm.com/blogs/post/significance-of-shivas-trishul#:~:text=The%20Trishul%2C%20also%20known%20as,in%20the%20saguna%20linga%20form. 

https://www.lotussculpture.com/shiva-hindu-god-lord-destruction-meaning-symbolism.html#:~:text=Shiva's%20tapas%20generated%20so%20much,how%20to%20control%20Shiva's%20fire. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiva

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trishula 

https://www.templepurohit.com/shiva-worshipped-form-linga-lingam/#google_vignette 

Shakti/Yoni

https://www.britannica.com/topic/yoni 

https://hridaya-yoga.com/blog/yoni-puja/ 

https://kripalu.org/resources/shakti-power-within-you#:~:text=Shakti%20means%20power%2C%20energy%2C%20or,the%20divine%20masculine%20god%20Shiva. 

Tilak

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tilak-ancient-practice-significance-neeta-singhal 

https://www.hinduamerican.org/blog/5-things-to-know-about-tilak 

https://www.britannica.com/topic/tilak 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tilaka 

Bindi

https://exametc.com/magazine/details.php?id=900 

https://www.sanskritimagazine.com/bindi-meaning-and-significance-of-the-dot-on-forehead/ 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bindi_(decoration) 

Bhasma

https://www.yogapedia.com/definition/5934/bhasma#:~:text=In%20the%20spiritual%20context%2C%20bhasma,from%20the%20cycle%20of%20reincarnation. 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24696811/#:~:text=There%20are%20various%20importance%20of,heavy%20metals%20in%20the%20body. 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3530270/ 

Third Eye

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_eye 

[girl-named-matty]

Hogwarts Legacy next generation - The Sallows

As I said in this post, I wanted to share some photos and lore of some of the next generation of hl kids in my lore! So, today we're doing the Sallows! <3.

Eleazar Sallow:

You've already seen him on my account before but this is Eleazar Sallow! He is the oldest child out of the five Sallow kids and he was named after Matty's late mentor at school, Eleazar Fig. Upon coming to school, he was sorted into Gryffindor (much to Matty's bragging rights upon her husband since she's a Gryffindor herself).

Growing up, he was definitely your stereotypical mature oldest brother. He helped out with his younger siblings, kept his younger brothers from getting into trouble (or at least tried) and looked out for his younger sisters when trouble came by.

He is an absolute hopeless romantic and has been in love with the same girl since he was five (whom he later on married). In school, he was close friends with Xander Prewett and Hector Weasley who were both sorted into Gryffindor as well. The three of them do a lot together and were practically inseparable in school. He played on Gryffindor's quidditch team and that was one of his hobbies he really enjoyed.

Later on in life, he follows in his mothers footsteps and becomes an Auror. Although, unlike her he didn't go into the Hit Wizard/Witch department, he went into Magical Law Enforcement Patrol (so basically what Officer Singer does, except for he actually does his job.)

He marries Noctua Gaunt II (more on her later) and has one son whom he names Gideon.

Caroline Sallow:

This is Caroline Sallow! She's the 2nd oldest in the family and the oldest daughter. When she went into school, she very unsurprisingly sorted into Ravenclaw.

From a young age, Matty and Sebastian noticed just how intelligent their daughter was. She taught herself to read and write, advanced in her understanding of magic, and even taught herself about muggle studies that she had heard of from her mother. So it wasn't surprising that she got into Ravenclaw.

She is definitely the braincells when it comes to the Sallow kids (more specifically her younger brother, Marcellus) and attempts to keep him from doing dumb crap like teenage boys often do.

She's somewhat a "no-nonsense" kind of woman, meaning she just likes things to get done the way they should be and nobody should be goofing off while doing it, as that might interrupt the process of it. She's very particular about specific things.

Her best friend is Noctua II, as they have been good friends since childhood. Although they are in different houses, they always made sure to find time to hang out together. Caroline is also well acquainted with Dean Clopton (bet you cant guess whose kid that is lol). But regardless of her acquaintance with the quidditch lover, she absolutely despises quidditch and is the only Sallow child to not play. She read a book about it once and said she knew all that she needed to know about it.

Later on in life, she becomes a Professor (although she doesn't teach at Hogwarts). She met her husband, Rome Smith, in her workplace. The two were later married and had two children, Hildegard and Lyall Smith.

Marcellus Sallow:

Ah yes, the Sebastian-esque child who also happens to be the middle child. Buckle up because this is a complicated one lol. Marcellus Sallow is the third oldest out of the Sallow children and he also happens to be the middle child. He is the most like his father out of all of them and half of the time that's a good thing and half of the time its a disaster.

He was a total daddy's boy growing up, following Sebastian around everywhere as long as he was allowed to. So, obviously Sebastian spent a lot of time around Marcel in particular. And like Sebastian when he was younger, Marcel tended to get into a bit of trouble throughout his childhood.

Eleazar and Caroline would constantly have to make sure he wasn't getting into trouble or doing something he wasn't supposed to. So yes, he is absolutely the problem child but he isn't all that bad.

He enjoys reading but prefers action fantasies over other genres. He's constantly outside and exploring the world around him and that usually is the way he gets into trouble if he doesn't stop himself before its too late. He actually slit his own eyebrow himself because he thought it'd make him look cool. He ended up getting in trouble for that later and it got infected because he didn't do it right (💀). But he has zero regrets about it.

In school, he is unsurprisingly sorted into Slytherin and he is good friends with Lorenzo Gaunt, despite the two of them having around a three year age gap. He plays Quidditch and loves winning has he is a very competitive person. Merlin forbid he loses against one of his siblings in a game of Quidditch. He gets all salty about it but eventually gets over it.

In his fifth year, he meets a girl named Marie, who had been ditched by her date at one of the school dances. Marcel himself didn't have a date, so when he saw her sitting alone (and thought she was cute) asked her to dance. He then harbored a massive crush on her and they ended up getting married almost immediately after school. Later, they had two sons Jonathan and Roman.

For his career path, Marcel dreamed of following in his fathers footsteps of being a Curse Breaker but unfortunately after getting mixed up with the wrong group of friends once Lorenzo graduated from Hogwarts, Marcel got into a bad mix of people and ended up becoming a smuggler secretly.

(i'd have to take a whole post to explain his further lore on just this subject alone, so we're gonna stop it there before it gets too sad LOL)

Adonis Sallow:

The boy sweetheart of the Sallow family, that's for sure. Adonis is the forth and youngest son in the Sallow family. He is the older twin of Anne Sallow II by about five minutes.

He is an absolute mommy's boy. As Matty got older and stopped working more frequently, she could spend more time at home as she desired. The twins were the last two children to be born so she got to spend more time with them as expected. Adonis was practically glued at the hip to his mother for the first couple of years of his life. He could be described as a sweet but anxious child.

Eventually, he grew out of his mass anxiety thanks to the help of his older brothers and learned how to cope with it. Although he still struggles with it, it's much better than it used to be. He enjoys being outside and enjoys small creatures of pretty much any kind. He used to find insects or other small creatures and bring them inside to show everybody, much to Caroline's dismay (she hates insects).

In school, he was sorted into the Hufflepuff house and has many friends there. But either way, his best friend is his twin sister. He is loved by the Professors and students there due to his loving nature, something his family was very proud of. He also played quidditch and got really good at it.

He met his future wife, Rose, at school when he was in his seventh year. Rose didn't talk much and as a result of this was often bullied for it. When Adonis was made aware of this, he made sure to reach out to her. He knew she didn't have any friends, so he offered to be hers. He told her she didn't have to talk if she was uncomfortable with it and that he'd keep up the conversations himself.

Eventually the two ended up falling in love and eventually Rose was comfortable enough for the two of them to begin talking with one another. It was something that he helped her with and that deepened their love for one another. After school, they ended up getting married and had four children: twins Peter and Dorran and then two daughters, Amaryllis and Cassiopeia.

As for his career, he saw how being an Auror affected his mother and older brother mentally and physically and wanted to help those from that department with their struggles. He ended up studying to become a therapist and opened his own practice to help Aurors who were struggling mentally. He was publicly praised for this since the Ministry offered no compensation to the Aurors who had been working for so long.

Anne Sallow II:

Anne Sallow II is the youngest child out of the Sallow children. She was obviously named after her aunt, Anne. Sebastian attempted to name his first daughter, Caroline, after his sister but Anne griped about it saying it made her feel old. Eventually, once Anne II was born, she allowed Sebastian to name his daughter after her. Although a contending name for her was Aria, after Sebastian and Anne's mother.

She is the younger twin of Adonis and was the unexpected one. When Matty found out she was pregnant for the fourth time, she expected it to be one final child. Turns out it was twins, surprise!! I hope you enjoyed all the sleepless nights with not one but two babies!!

The twins were also born prematurely, which definitely didn't help with Matty's anxiety about the situation. But everything worked out and Anne II is dearly cherished by her parents. Although, since she and her brother were premature, they developed some health issues and often got sick as children. As they grew older, it got better but both of them can recall getting sick quite often.

Just like her twin brother, Anne was also sorted into Hufflepuff and is friends with many there. She is outrageously outgoing and is the more competitive twin. She loves Quidditch and made a very good chaser in her days of playing.

After her time in school, she went on to become a Professional Quidditch player and being half Irish, she played on Irelands team. Which Matty was very happy about. After a few years of Professional playing, Anne decided that the life of quidditch was no longer for her, as it became less enjoyable. She turned to studying nursing and became a nurse in a muggle hospital.

Under unfortunate, but slightly humorous circumstances, she met her husband, Clark Nelson, who was a muggle man. The two later ended up marrying and had two sons, David and Benjamin.

(Sebastian wasn't the absolute happiest that his daughter was marrying a muggle, simply due to the fact that she'd be around less since she had chosen to stay with her muggle lifestyle. However, once Matty reminded him that she was a muggleborn and spent fifteen years of her life living as one ((not to mention he had muggle in-laws)), he quickly got over it and has a good relationship with his son-in-law.)

Sorry this is long as crap. But this is actually very little of their lore, pretty much just the basics. Each one of these characters has a lot of lore behind their characters because I just couldn't help myself LOL.

Hope you enjoyed! The Gaunt's are next! 💚

[tokoyamisstuff]

Divine Intervention

Alexander Anderson x f! nurse! Reader

2,9k. words | no warnings | childhood friends to lovers | mutual pining | premise inspired by the 'Angel Dust' Manga

Synopsis: Since catholicism is declining in number, priests are officially able to get married - and Anderson knows just who to ask.

A/N: This is a lil' gift for my old friend @otakutater0724. 💌 Sadly I had no fucking clue where to go with this one, so it's ill paced. But better post it than letting it rot in my drafts, right?

"A wife?!" Anderson leans back in his chair, huffing in irritation at this absurd request. "Are ya' out of yer' goddamn mind?"

Maxwell had his hands neatly folded on the table between them, slowly gliding an official Vatican paper towards his foster father. "It's merely my duty to inform you." The archbishop points towards a specific paragraph, explaining the latest reform. "Besides, this is by far not the first time that the bible has been reinterpreted."

The Judas Priest frowns as he grabs the document, face turning pensive as he read the fancy wording. Basically, it stated that servants of the lord are not only allowed, but highly encouraged to lay down their chastity vows and bring forth a new generation of catholics. Enrico assured him it was a temporary change, maybe for one or two generations, but in these trying times there wasn't another option.

At first the man was downright offended at the suggestion. Cast aside the fact that they were literally changing the Lord's gospel, was he not doing more than enough through funding a whole entire orphanage?!

But then his superior remarked something that made him see this heresy in a whole new light.

"What about...what was her name again...Y/N?"

Anderson almost choked on air at the familiar name, much to his friend's amusement. "What about her, huh?"

"Nothing!" the younger man throws his hands into the air in defense, for a change really only wanting the best for his former mentor. "But if I remember correctly, the two of you have been very close before you started your holy work, right?"

"...you really got no shame, speaking about your elders like that." In his indignation, he crumples the paper and throws it at Maxwell's direction. "I'd curse the man who raised you so terribly, but then I'd only be insulting myself."

"You're free to ignore it. After all, it's a suggestion and not an order" The archbishop shrugs, calling after the hurriedly leaving Paladin. "Just think about it, alright?"

That incorrigible fool Maxwell, how dare he to even address such a topic?!

Anderson was furious beyond belief, and if he wasn't back at the orphanage already he would've certainly itched for some blood. Rushing through the hallways, the staff keeps their heads down as he passes them, knowing it's better to avoid him in such an agitated state.

Initially he had planned to just seek refuge in the security of his room, surrounded by nothing but the - unedited - bible. Yet it seems the Lord had other plans with him, as he was given a sign...quite literally. Being as tall as he is, the priest almost hit his head at the new board hanging from the ceiling, the words 'INFIRMARY' written on them in capital letters.

Oh. Yeah, right, the orphanage now had it's own health ward. Usually the nuns were able to treat minor injuries or illnesses, but these days many children come into his care with more severe or complicated medical conditions. Was about time.

The opening was today? Shit, he completely forgot about it. This was such an important event for you, being designated to become the head nurse. He should know best, since he paid for your whole education after all.

Actually, after his earlier conversation with Maxwell left him so bewildered, he rather wanted to avoid meeting you until he calmed down - but it seems like he has no other choice.

If it's for your sake, he could swallow his concerns and just be there for you on that big day. Can't hurt to stop by and congratulate you either way. So he hastily plucked some flowers from the garden before making his way towards your new office.

As he roams the building, Anderson involuntarily starts reminiscing. Has it really been so many years already? Time sure flies.

It's still surreal to think about the fact that you both had been wanted criminals in the past. He barely remembers any of it, chose to lock those memories into some dark corner of his mind - with the exception of some pleasant ones, mostly revolving around you...his favourite little troublemaker.

The two of you were born into poverty, befriending each other through shared misery and sticking together for survival. He would keep you safe, while you took care of him. Easy as that. It may have started as some kind of arrangement, but your bond soon grew into a wonderful friendship, and eventually - unbeknownst to you both - a mutual crush on the other.

With no real perspective you joined a criminal gang early on. Anderson, with his physical advantage, became one of their most skilled assassins, while you gained your earnings as a smuggler and thief. Together you had caused a lot of mischief, to put it mildly.

But after a mission gone south your childhood friend needed to keep a low profile for a while, since the bosses thought he was the one behind the disappearance of a great amount of heroin. At first his priesthood served as a mere disguise, but he soon found solace in his faith, seeing it as a way to atone for his sins.

The plan was never to abandon you. He was thinking about you every single day, praying for your safety until he'd return. It took him more time than anticipated, mostly due to being trained fighting vampires and other evil spirits, but eventually he managed to secure an important position at the Vatican as their enhanced holy warrior.

Much to his devastation however when he finally came to take you with him, the gang was disbanded due to internal conflict and a lot of arrests. Years he spent searching for you, but all clues led to dead ends.

The last straw was when he had finally tracked down his former leader, and to spite him the man made up a story about your alleged execution years ago. Needless to say this man suffered a violent death at Anderson's hands.

Now that he thinks about it, the priest is sure that he would have never taken on his religious title if he knew you were still out there somewhere.

Yet in the end after a long time of mourning, he decided that it was for the best to fully commit to the church - he never wanted anyone besides you, after all, so there was no reason not to become celibate.

Fate played both of you dirty however, because just shortly after taking his oath, you met again by sheer coincidence. You were trying to rob him during bright daylight, acting like an all coy and helpless damsel. Typical.

You didn't recognize him at first, the timid young boy from back then having grown into a literal beast of a man...Anderson on the other hand could never forget those eyes that made his knees weak whenever you'd look at him a certain way.

When you finally connected the dots, you punched him with as much force as your emotions bestowed on you, grabbing onto the collar of his coat and spitting vile curses at him for leaving you behind just like that.

All those years spent apart and really, it felt like no time had passed at all.

Even long after the misunderstanding had been cleared, Anderson's guilty conscience never ceased. Until this day he'd apologize to you, though you repeatedly assured him you held no grudge. Quite the opposite, even.

The priest had taken you in without hesitation, helping you turn your life around and rebuild at his side. You weren't exactly fond of the church, always saying they were corrupt and that even if god exists, he had failed you. But it was certainly better than living on the streets, and as long as your dear friend was happy, you'd be damned to ridicule his faith.

Most of the nuns hated your guts nonetheless, always saying a heathen like you is a bad influence to the dedicated man, even when you were on your best behavior.

Nonetheless, Father Anderson might've decided to keep his position, but he promised himself to never turn his back on you again. If you'd let him, he'll gladly take care of you for the rest of his life.

As long as you were at his side, he was fine with how things ended up...

...at least until the latest decree, that was.

The possibility alone re-ignited a fire deep inside of him that was diminished by the illusion of your loss, never daring to light it again out of fear to relive the same pain all over again.

But the ember always preserved.

Anderson's initial anger had completely evaporated, making room for a mixture of both dread and excitement when he reached his destination. Peeking through the small glass window in the door, he sees you decorating the place, moving along to a happy song you were chanting. Sweet as always he thought, but you certainly would object. You were never really aware of the effect you had on him, after all.

A smile was tugging on the edge of his lips, allowing himself to observe you for a moment to brace him for the confrontation. You haven't aged a day in his eyes, if anything the years only made you more beautiful to him.

You only took notice of his presence when the door falls into the lock, and immediately your small smirk turns into a barely containable grin. "Without a chaperone again?" you teased and poked his chest. "How unbecoming, Father."

Jokes aside, the Abbess doesn't approve of you two being alone with each other, always saying the devil is the third person in the room. Their precious, sophisticated paladin associating with a savage nobody like you was heresy enough in her eyes, as well as everyone else of the higher-ups.

If only they knew you were literally hanging around in his room on the regular, even sleeping in his bed from time to time, they'd certainly get a stroke...

Not that they were wrong, you did have a habit of persuading him into having some fun for a change. Nothing indecent, really, just harmless pranks to make special memories for the children for example. Like that one time you decorated the entire courtyard for Halloween and emptied their offertory to buy sweets for the orphans.

You would surely be punished again if anyone gets wind of this...

"Alex?" He winced a little hearing his old nickname, never insisting that you called him by his official title. The priest felt his heart threaten to break out of his chest, experiencing a kind of fear he lacked to feel even while fighting literal monsters.

A moment passed without any answer. The man was rooted on spot, staring at you with a bashful expression you knew very well from your younger days. It was always so easy making him flustered, your sweet innocent Alex.

"Darlin', are you alright?" You look up to the much taller man, putting a hand on his cheek which instantly sends a blush up his neck. His face is already bright red as he gently squeezes your shoulders, determination present in his emerald eyes as he blurts out "...marry me."

"Wha-" Stumbling back, you almost hit the desk behind if it wasn't for him wrapping one arm around your waist. "Excuse me?!"

Anderson pins you with a stern expression, taking ahold of your wrist and letting his thumb run across your knuckles. "Ye' heard me just right."

"Did you have too much sacramental wine again?" You raise an eyebrow at him while wriggling out of his hold, but you were effectively trapped between his body and the furniture. "Don't worry, I assure ye' I'm sober." But truth be told, at the same time he never felt so intoxicated in his entire life.

You had a clue what he was implying, the nuns have been talking about nothing else those past few hours. The elders were shocked, to say the least, wanting to stick to the old ways, while the younger ones were absolutely thrilled, already making plans.

But Anderson, a devout and literal saint who was so dead set on his religious ways...for him to even consider something like that was just too absurd to be true.

Maybe you're just dreaming you conclude, pinching yourself, yet that action only made him chuckle with that damn raspy voice of his. You felt embarassed and at the same time too baffled to even react properly, let alone form a verbal response. But he doesn't seem to mind, gifting you a lovestruck expression as he holds your hands into his much taller ones.

"God has granted me this second chance" he murmurs, leading the back of your hand to his lips. "I won't be wasting it this time...if you'll have me, I mean."

"Why-" you let out a shaky breath, the dam you've built so carefully around your feelings for this man giving in way too easily. You had promised yourself to never dare of hoping again, but even after all those years he still held your heart with ease. "I don't understand...why would you of all people want to marry?"

"I...to be honest, I was doting on you ever since we were teenagers" he admits, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. The confession left his heart like a burdening weight, no matter what your answer might be.

Your eyes widened in shock, feeling so many things at once - mostly regret for all those wasted years you could've spent together. He was first to speak again, though, tone as woeful as your heart felt. "I shouldn't have given up on you...Y/N, I'm so sorry."

"C'mon, now don't be all gloomy..." You tried to brighten the mood, squeezing his hands as you mirror his nervous smile. "We've been over this so many times. You weren't at fault."

"Actually, I was..." That statement made you gasp in disbelief, and he suddenly pressed your head against his chest, unable to bear the look in your eyes. "It was really me who stole the heroin from the boss back then."

He feels you claw the fabric of his shirt, only imagining what you must feel right now, but his embrace is relentless. "That was a reckless idea" you grid, feeling anger and betrayal burn in your guts. "Even for your standards."

Anderson chuckled to cover up his hurt. "But I did it for you. For us." His head rests atop of yours now, and you feel him shake ever so slightly. "I never told you how I felt because you deserved so much better than what I had to offer. I wanted to sell the drugs, and with the money we could've built a life somewhere far away...as you said, I should've known better. Wishful thinking, maybe."

"...you're unbelievable." You eventually push him away so he'd look at you, his heart sinking as he detects tears streaming down your cheeks. There were times when you slept under bridges, only having each other to hold on to keep you warm. How did he even get the idea that you needed anything besides him at your side?

"Tell me to leave and that I'll do" he announces calmly, his gaze full of sheer adoration. But you won't have any of this, not again, not anymore. "Oh, don't you dare. As if I'd ever let you leave again after knowing this!"

You fiercely grab the collar of his robe, no resistance in his stance as you pull him in for a kiss. Anderson is taken by surprise, yet dwells in the feeling of finally closing the distance between you he only had himself to blame for.

Looking at you right now, you seemed so unusual shy and giddy, face hiding nuzzled against his chest as you tried containing your joy. Adorable.

"Then it's decided?" He sounds both relieved and anxious, but you instantly plant another, more tender kiss to his jaw. "Of course, you blockhead!" And yet you snivel, unable to let go off of a last ounce of distrust and past hurt. "Please, Alex...you have no idea how long I've loved you...don't leave."

"Never again. I swear." He swallowed harshly at the impact of your words, cursing his own foolishness. "I may not be worth the wait, but I'll promise to make it up to you every single day."

There was no time to lose, not a single second he wanted to waste after leaving decades of longing behind the two of you.

So only a few days later the two of you found yourselves in front of the altar, being married by the archbishop himself in a small ceremony. His words were accompanied by the breaking dawn, a symbol of hope as the raising sun banished away the darkness of the night.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8)" Maxwell spoke, a self-satisfied smile playing on his lips at the thought of having been matchmaker for the two of you. "My congratulations, you may now kiss the bride."

A ray of sunlight hit the tinted glass of the church window, engulfing your white dress in a variety of colors. Anderson lifted your veil, this most divine sight making him whisper a grateful prayer to the lord for providing him with this greatest bliss. One sole tear of happiness escapes his eye before claiming your lips with a fervor unlike anything either of you ever felt, ensuring you that all the obstacles were always meant to lead you to this day.

Whatever laid behind you, now you'd await a brighter future together.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)"

[agentrouka-blog]

I often see this sentiment that Ned should have told Cat the truth about Jon and it would have solved all their problems. I disagree with this? I don't think Ned was being an idiot for not telling Cat. I think there were a multitude of reasons of why he didn't tell her, and all of them held weight in his decision.

1) he didn't know or trust her when they got married

2) a secret stops being one if you tell even one person about it. He promised Lyanna he wouldn't tell anyone and that included everyone, except obviously the people already present at the tower (Howland and the wet nurse I presume)

3) there is a possibility that Cat's behavior towards Jon would have changed knowing he was not a result of Ned's affair, but her resentment towards him also provided a cover. If she treated him, say cordially, then it would have been very suspicious considering Ned was already fostering him at his own home.

4) after he came to know Cat, he would have realized that she was fiercely protective of her family, she wouldn't have thought twice before giving up Jon for her children if it came to that. A choice no sane person, including Ned, can fault her for. By not telling her, he removed that option for her, saved Jon and also saved her from the guilt that would have haunted her.

5) he was committing treason that would have endangered Cat and his children. In case it ever got out there was plausible deniability for his family that they didn't know and it might have saved them.

His actions hurt both Catelyn and Jon but it was a very complicated situation overall so I understand him too. I don't know what would have been the alternative because I don't think telling Catelyn would have solved anything. What is your opinion on this?

I don't think people generally claim it would have magically fixed "everything", but many also misunderstand how Ned is mishandling the situation. He isn't actually handling it well by himself, he isn't handling it the way he would have if Jon was actually his bastard. His inability to be "normal" about it and come up with a convincing lie created most of the avoidable problems we see, which is Catelyn's eternal insecurity about Ned's feelings for Jon (and his mother) which feeds her anxiety about her own children being usurped, plus Jon's complete trauma over knowing absolutely nothing about his mother. Both are left hanging for no logical reason from their POV, and that's an absolutely insane path for Ned to go down.

True, and then he chose to go the worst way about it and never fixed it later.

Howland knows. The Daynes know. Wylla probably knows. Benjen probably knows. Come on. And we don't know what she made him promise and it's more likely to be along the lines of protecting her son than specifically never telling anyone who could have helped him handle this better.

Catelyn being "nice" to Jon isn't even half of it. She could have advised Ned on how to handle the situation in a realistic way with the least harm done. Which is likely to foster Jon somewhere, make plans for his future instead of leaving him aimless, create a believable lie about his mother that doesn't shame him, have a harmoniously accepted situation instead of making his kids grow up with this unresolved conflict warping their emotional well-being.

What situation could realistically arise where Cat could "sell out" Jon to "save" her children that specifically depends on her knowing this and also wouldn't mean they are all already in deep trouble? It's nonsense. Also, Catelyn "Family Duty Honor" Tully would not fault Ned for wanting to save his sister's child. It's a perfectly decent choice on his part and a dilemma she could easily understand. Come on!

How is this (thin glaze) of plausible deniability not equally achieved by simply lying (and lying better than Ned can, especially)?

It's just that Ned left both Cat and Jon deeply anxious and traumatized, respectively, because his decision was to lie very badly and then refuse to answer all reasonable questions. It has repercussions for all of them. From Cat to Sansa to Jon to Robb.

Plus: Ned may have actually had an opportunity to heal from his horrific trauma if he had talked to literally anyone about it. He may have been less likely to cling to Robert as a vestige of his lost youth, blinding himself to the man's monstrous faults and sticking around to his own doom.

It would not have "fixed everything" but you can't convince me it wouldn't have fixed some things.

[mikuni14]

Century of Love - Ep 3

Oh, but I loved this episode! I was afraid that San would be an asshole and go to Vee out of sheer necessity to help himself, not to apologize to him. AND THAT'S WHAT HE DID! 😆 But it was very cleverly done. First, San denies that he will absolutely, under NO circumstances, marry Vee, even if he were to DIE. Then the goddess wipes the floor with him and San gives up lmao, goes to Vee and proposes an ARRANGE MARRIAGE FOR MONEY!

Yes, Vee, me too, I was like :OOOO the whole time 😆😆😆 What a brilliant idea to preserve San's dick..nessy?, his "faithfulness" to Wat, and at the same time significantly move the plot forward. In general, I really like the way the action unfolds and doesn't waste time on boring stuff, stupidity and classic misunderstandings in this situation, which I totally expected. San quickly finds out that Vee is innocent, Vee already knows about the magic stone and that San is an everyone's favorite oji-chan and about the reincarnation. I also really like the idea of ​​marriage, I think it's brilliant.

I also liked the scene in Vee's apartment. He himself masking his pain, anger, guilt and injustice with laughter and self-deprecation, because he screwed up his life with a stupid mistake and simply being poor. And San, who came to Vee all angry and bristling, and at one point looked at Vee - and himself - in a different way, realizing that Vee was now where he once was. It was very good. I really appreciate moments like this in my BLs 💖

Chibi San as usual did not disappoint, this kid deserves all the awards. He was exactly the perfect mix of grumpy and sweet 🧁 And the way he carries himself in these oversized clothes, like it's no big deal, just everyday activity lol what a little dude! I kind of want to see BTS scenes with him, is he naturally like that :)

San's family is still fantastic. How much do they put up with grandpa's bullsh... I mean his complicated love life, which is also their main source of entertainment lol

The series tirelessly revolves around the topic of death, the difficulties of accepting it and separation from the person to whom one owes so much, and the determination to stop it, even at the cost of everything.

Daou and Offroad really give their all in this series, I don't know how Daou manages these constant scenes of acting out pain. And Offroad seamlessly switches between the always smiling Vee (how often it's a mask he wears so that others don't worry about him or not interfered in his problems, assuming that he was ok?), and those moments when he shows his pain and stress and anger at what his life is like and how he is being treated by life, strangers and circumstances. Also, Offroad is incredibly beautiful and has moments when he looks so seductively, for example in the scene in Vee's apartment when San is thinking about Vee and himself from the past and catches Vee's looking at him… gods 🔥🔥🔥 (hope someone will gif it! 👉👈). I'm going crazy because of them.

Wild theory time! Grandma is Wat, she will eat a stone and regain her youth and look like a young Wat, but San will already be half in love with Vee. Chaos ensues hehe 🤡

[annoyinglandmagazine]

Post Canon Political Brainstorming

The ot3 are generally referred to as The Triumvirate and everyone always knows who is being talked about. Their combined force terrifies their enemies and their allies are very aware that the entire balance of power depends on the fact that these three young adults will remain extremely happily married for all eternity because there is quite literally no contingency plan.

They do remain very happily married and for a suspiciously long time but no one questions it. They all try to regulate each other’s workload as much as possible, Gil and Tarvek’s aides have all been informed by Agatha, very nicely and with absolutely no death ray involvement, that when, for example, the Storm King stages a coup of the Wulfenbach empire to make Gil just go to fucking sleep for a few hours, they shouldn’t charge anyone with treason.

In future generations succession gets fairly complicated but it’s usually determined that the only role that really needs a blood relation for inheritance is Lord/Lady Heterodyne and unless Gil and Tarvek were getting up to some biological experimentation (which they probably did not gonna lie) most of their descendants will have Agatha’s genetics anyway.

So whatever way they do it one descendant will rule Mechanicsburg, one will be the Storm King/Queen and one will be the Baron/Baroness Wulfenbach.

They tend to just kind of figure it out between themselves, typically one will feel a stronger connection to Mechanicsburg than the others, whoever’s the most politically minded will handle the Valois side of things and so on. It means you end up with a situation where you never know who you’re dealing with because you think someone is the heir to the Storm Throne since that’s what their family did for four generations and then they’ll turn around and inherit the barony from their great aunt and the Lord Heterodyne’s second daughter will take it instead.

It works for them though and Europa’s never been so peaceful for this long so no one can criticise their complete lack of inheritance laws with any credibility (the Valois had very strict inheritance laws and they still had that complete clusterfuck).

Klaus oscillates between loving retirement and delighting in being able to say ‘not my problem’ to whatever the latest chaos is and needing to be physically restrained from backseat driving this empire every time the most minor issue arises.

Gil is handling this and he has an excellent support network with which to do it. Klaus knows this. Gil still needs to write detailed letters to him with all the decisions he’s making every now and again confirming that yes, he still has everything under control.

Klaus writes back with advice (sometimes it’s actually useful, sometimes it’s of a style of governance that Gil doesn’t quite ascribe to anymore, most of the time it’s something Gil was already planning to do) but doesn’t show any inclination to want direct control back like he would if he thought Gil was performing inadequately. Despite their shared disdain for politics they get along a lot better when that’s all they’re discussing. It’s a work in progress, they’re trying. They’ll get there.

[thephantomcasebook]

I truly dislike this phenomena, let's call it that, of changing a character from their book version and causing this domino effect that affects every other character and the plot in general.

Which is what I feel has happened to Chani in Dune Part 2. Her refusal to play along with Paul and Jessica's plot and her general indifference throughout, makes it so hard for me to foresee a situation in the future where she willingly reunites with her man and her mother-in-law.

I sure hope Denis Villeneuve knows what he's doing, because this change could create major complications in Dune Part 3.

But what do you think? And what scenarios do you have in mind for Chani to return to Paul? Do you also think this change could cause Irulan's book character to be different in the movie? 😬😬

It's hard to say, because, Chani is WA-AY different in the books and the ending is completely different and shatters a lot of future story beats in the books. They left a lot out about her character that makes her unique in order to serve the skeptic.

Chani, in the book, was a Sayyadina, a very senior Sayyadina. She was the under study for the Reverend Mother and would most likely be the next Reverend Mother of the Fremen if Jessica hadn't come along.

Chani is also the daughter of Dr. Kynes - Liet - who was basically the defacto leader of the Fremen at the time. So Chani was basically the Princess of the Fremen despite only being half Fremen. And thus her being a bit of an outcast among the native Fremen is why she and Paul bonded.

So being a Sayyadina and the daughter of Liet made her dyed in the wool believer of the Mahdi. If no other purpose than sharing her father's dream of returning Arrakis to a lush paradise.

Turning Chani into a fierce skeptic and basically taking from her all her deeply feminine and lovingly caring nature robbed her of a lot of interesting and unique character traits that she has in the book. They could've chosen anyone else to be a skeptic. Jessica, in the book, was the biggest skeptic and knew it was all bullshit. The problem was that Jessica wanted to protect her children. Also, in the book, which isn't addressed in the movie, is that Jessica is Paul's property.

Lady Jessica was purchased from the Bene Gesserit school by Leto's father for Leto when they were teenagers. From the day that the Old Duke bought Jessica for Leto, Jessica became property of the Ducal Household. Yes, she is Paul's mother. But, legally, Jessica is Paul's property after Leto's death. That's a big part of the book and why Jessica defers to Paul and allows Paul to dictate a lot of the things that are happening in "Dune" once the House of Atreides falls. Jessica is the bound concubine for life to the Duke of House Atreides - no matter who he is.

So, technically, from a legal standpoint, Jessica is actually Paul's concubine, which is classic Bene Gesserit (Spoiler Alert: Bene Gesserit sisters will marry and breed with their own sons if ordered to preserve or strengthen traits in House bloodlines.)

They could've made Jessica the skeptic - like she was in the book, give Chani Stilgar's devoted belief in the Mahdi, and show Stilgar being skeptical at first and then be turned into a fanatic by the end.

Also, Chani and Jessica don't like one another in the books either, never have and never will. She disliked Jessica all the way back when she thought Jessica was Paul's woman and she didn't stop disliking her once she found out that Jessica was his mom.

My theory is that the visions that Paul sees in the first movie of Chani trying to kill him is going to happen in Part 3. Irulan already has a large part in "Dune Messiah" of basically trying to get Paul to get her pregnant so that the Bene Gesserit can regain control of the Atries blood line ... also because Irulan is in love with Paul. A lot of things that happen in "Messiah" go through Irulan, and whether Chani has the same role or not, it won't effect Irulan's core story motivation, which is baring a Royal Heir and stopping at nothing to do it.

But right now, I don't see a path that they get to Leto II and Ghanima from where they ended.

For now, here is the best and GOATed adaption of "Dune Messiah" with the best and most fleshed out characterization of Princess Irulan and Alia ever put to screen.

[princess-of-the-corner]

On Diaspro... I think they tried to make her a villain from the start to contrast Bloom, except in season 1 she was correct the entire time. Her rivalry with Bloom? SHE is Sky's fiancee, if only for a political deal, and she even showed sympathy to Bloom as she had no idea her boyfriend was already engaged. Coming just to save Sky because he had to rule their homeworld, and telling him exactly that? She could have put it better, but season 2 showed just how politically screwed up Heraklion is, and the crown prince getting killed would just make things worse. Her general bitchiness? She knows she's going to marry an idiot who'd risk a planetary-scale civil war rather than diminish Red Fountain's defenders by exactly one unit, she knows she'll most likely be the one to actually rule, and she knows that, having to rule and provide a heir and possibly a spare, she CANNOT risk her life in any way that could help her get Enchantix, it's a miracle she isn't worse.

They could have continued her story arc in season 3 with the political angle and her HAVING to get in the way of the author preferred couple for what she believes is the greater good, but instead they made her someone who'd sell her planet to get laid and richer.

Yeah it's.

I kinda see what they were trying to do in some aspects. Her being very spoiled, the marriage being something arranged rather than out of love, her later actions cementing her in a villain role, etc.

But yeah in Season 1.

Bloom just shows up and starts swinging, accusing her of being an evil Witch who's hypnotizing her boyfriend. Which Diaspro has no fucking clue what she's talking about.

And then yeah she finds out her fiance has been cheating on her while he was off at school under a whole new identity. Speaking of, yell at Brandon a bit too because 1.) He knew that Sky was engaged and should've stopped him and 2.) I really think he also should've stopped himself because he was pretending to be Sky who had a fiance so that could've cause problems too.

Even some of her initial 'evil' actions could be... not exactly 'excused' but a combination of trying to win Sky back, trying to salvage the life that had been shattered by his bullshit, and going 'hey man stop thinking with your dick we have a kingdom to run'.

I think it would've been great if that was actually explored and she like. Became friends with Bloom after finding out Sky was fucking around. And both should have a bit longer of a time between that and forgiving him like it's a complicated situation so not as clear-cut as cheating outright so there's room for forgiveness but he needs to go 'yeah I fucked up big time'.