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tacanderson · 4 years

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Super-Borg Chapter 1

My book, Super-Borg Dies, is out now. You can purchase it here or read the first chapter below. You can also sign up for my newsletter here.

Chapter One

“Stupid wannabe superhero,” a bulky man holding a metal pipe said, swinging it at Super-Borg, “why don’t you go home and read your comic-books?” Super-Borg had already disarmed the man of his gun but was surprised by the man’s resourcefulness when he pulled out a metal pipe.

Super-Borg ducked the wild swing and brought his clenched, reinforced glove up into the man’s jaw, shutting him up. He hated banter. He stood over the unconscious man, catching his breath and wiping rain away from his goggles. His black exoskeleton-enhanced, military-grade personal armor creaked when he bent over and zip-tied the man’s hands behind his back.

As he stood up, two bullets struck Super-Borg in the back. The carbon-fiber reinforced plates in his suit absorbed most of the blow, but it still hurt. He dove behind a garbage can as another shot fired; it didn’t provide much protection. He spotted the shooter standing fifty yards away, which placed Super-Borg directly between the shooter and the Space Needle. Super-Borg bolted from his cover, staying low to the ground.

Even in a crouch, his powered suit allowed him to cover half of the distance quickly. He straightened up and then, as more shots whizzed by, he jumped, letting his suit propel him eight feet into the air. At the peak of his jump he threw a disc, about the size of a hockey puck, at the gunman. The disc struck just above his eye, and he crumpled with a grunt.

Super-Borg landed and slid on the mud, crashing into a bush. He stood up, extricated himself from the bush and picked trash off his mud-caked suit. It wasn’t the most graceful landing, but it worked. Super-Borg sprinted over and zip-tied the man’s hands behind his back. “Let’s hope the cops find you before your friends do,” Super-Borg said to the unconscious man. “And hopefully the cops aren’t your friends.”

A bullet struck the tree next to him, and he ducked instinctively, jumping behind the tree. All this gunfire was bringing more unwanted attention. Yelling echoed through the vacant grounds around the Space Needle. What few lights that worked did little more than create small lighted cones of rain and mist. His disc was at the base of the tree but he didn’t bother to pick it up. He had lost so many that people were collecting them and reselling them online. Periodically he changed the design of the “SB” stamp he put on them, just to make the older discs collectible. People were funny. Even with all the chaos and economic instability, people still collected things.

The Space Needle, with its boarded-up gift shop and graffiti-covered cement supports, loomed ahead. The Neuro-syndicate was a gang specializing in the theft, production, and sale of neuro-enhancing drugs. Neuro enhancers were used by everyone: from corporate employees trying to stay sharp while they put in twelve-plus hour days, to professional gamers looking to get an edge in their next online tournament, or even school kids looking to pass their prep-school admissions tests. While it would be hypocritical for Super-Borg to object to people using neuro enhancers, the Neuro-syndicate killed people, and the stuff they cut their neuro enhancers with caused long-term brain damage and sometimes death. When neuro enhancers weren’t covered by a person’s corporate benefits plan, the black-market stuff was all most people could afford.

Super-Borg was there to stop the Neuro-syndicate from making a major sale, but he did not expect them to have this much armed support. The deal must be bigger than he thought.

“Super-cycle, deploy the drones and release smoke bombs between my location and the Space Needle.” Super-Borg used drones for several purposes. He was surprised more supers didn’t use them. But most supers weren’t rich. Super-Borg wasn’t Bruce Wayne rich, but he was rich enough, and after dropping out of med school he had earned a degree in engineering, so he could build most of his own equipment. He relied on drones to survey his surroundings and record his excursions. He used the recordings to make videos he released online to his followers, to watch for his own personal training, and he occasionally used them as evidence in court. Drones were also invaluable for providing a distraction. He could see the small flock of drones in the heads-up display built into his goggles. Soon dense smoke filled the park.

His super-suit featured large, modified high-tech goggles that provided a heads-up display and video link from his drones, an open-face reinforced motorcycle helmet, and a face mask covering his nose and mouth. The mask was wired to receive his voice commands, amplify and alter his voice, filter out all smoke and toxins, and supply extra oxygen when he was exerting himself like right now. Sensors in his suit adjusted oxygen levels as needed.

People yelled loudly, calling out to each other in the smoke, trying to get a handle on what was going on. An occasional shot rang out when someone saw — or thought they saw — something.

An alert on his display warned him that his heart rate was elevated. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. “Keep it together, SB.” Super-Borg took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. “Someone has to do something. This is what you do. This is who you are,” he said, repeating the oft-invoked mantra. He took a deep breath, “Up, up, and away,” he whispered, and sprinted for the Space Needle.

_____________________________________________

Who brings rocket launchers to a drug deal? Super-Borg thought, running to get clear of the falling Space Needle. Beams, bolts, and concrete built to survive a 9.1 earthquake began to scream as if in unbelief that they had finally failed. As he ran, Super-Borg was still looking up at the falling Space Needle. It was like a bad dream. He was trying to not run directly in the path of the falling mountain of architecture, but there seemed to be no escaping it. He tried to change direction and tripped — over what, he didn’t know — and fell sprawling into the mud. He cursed himself for not watching where he was going, scrambled to his feet — determined to watch where he was running — and kept his head down as he ran. He was so intent on running and watching where he was going, that he failed to see the furniture dropping out of the old top-floor restaurant. A chair slammed on the ground immediately in front of him. He didn’t have time to hurdle it, so he tried to kick it, but his foot got stuck in the armrest and he fell again. Debris and concrete rained down. He curled up into the fetal position as Seattle’s most iconic landmark buried him.

_____________________________________________

Trent was coughing on water and his head was throbbing, but he wasn’t awake enough to open his eyes.

“Trent? Trent, can you hear me?” His father’s voice sounded like it was coming from very far away. “Trent, I need you to wake up.” His head shook slightly, and water sloshed around the side of his face, like it was bobbing in the ocean.

Trent’s eyes snapped open, his head hurt, and he was still coughing.

“He’s awake,” his father said, sounding relieved. “I think he’s okay.” His father was looking at him, but he wasn’t talking to him.

“That’s great, Mr. Daeshaun,” a woman’s voice said from overhead. “Help is on its way, just hang in there.”

It came back to Trent then. Headlights swerving into their lane. His dad swearing. Tires screeching. The world spinning.

“Trent. Buddy. Can you hold your head up? I need to let go.” Trent realized that his head was being held up out of the water by his dad, who was turned around from the driver’s seat — one shaky arm holding Trent’s head up so he wouldn’t drown and one hand pushing against the steering wheel, giving him the leverage that he needed to reach Trent. Trent nodded and lifted his head up.

“Mr. Daeshaun, how are you doing? How are your legs?” the woman asked, with an intentionally calm voice — not emotionless or robotic, but not worried either, just appropriately concerned.

“I still can’t feel my legs. I’m feeling light-headed.” Trent’s dad glanced back at Trent and then added with the best smile that he could muster, “But I’m fine. I got my boy here with me, so everything will be okay.” Trent’s dad was a cop, so he knew how to lie convincingly.

Trent was twelve and knew when his dad was being a cop and when he was being a dad. Right now, Officer Daeshaun was in the driver’s seat, and everything would be okay. Trent knew when his dad put on his work persona in front of him: it was either because he needed immediate and unquestioning obedience, or when he needed to lie because whatever was going on in the world was out of his control and he couldn’t face his son with the truth. For the first month after his mother died, he lived with Officer Daeshaun and didn’t see his dad much.

Trent always thought he looked like a faded version of his dad. He had seen pictures of his dad as a kid and they looked so much alike, except Trent had his mother’s lighter Indian skin. His mother was beautiful, but he had always wished he had been darker like his dad. He spent a lot of time looking at his dad’s complexion and had learned what the subtle changes meant. He could tell when his dad blushed because his cheeks and ears turned a richer color of brown. When he was sick or light-headed, he looked like the chocolate Easter bunny Trent had forgotten about for almost a year that had developed a gray-tinted film over the surface. His dad looked like that now.

“Dad, what’s wrong?”

Officer Daeshaun looked back and met Trent’s eyes, “We were in an accident. Help is on the way. It will be okay.”

“Dad, you’re shaking. You don’t look good.” His dad was shivering severely.

“Don’t look good? You calling me ugly?” The laugh that followed was weak — even weaker than the joke. Trent said nothing.

Trent’s dad sighed, “The wreck was pretty bad. We’re lucky to still be alive. My legs are trapped. I also think I lost a lot of blood.”

“That’s why you’re shaking so bad?”

“Probably a combination of shock and the adrenaline wearing off. But the blood loss isn’t helping.”

“Mr. Daeshaun,” the voice spoke from their car speakers, “the paramedics and the police are arriving now.” Trent could see the flashing lights and hear the vehicles pulling up. “I’m in contact with the officer in charge. I will leave the line open until you are both out of the vehicle.” Neither Trent nor his dad bothered to respond. They were both transfixed by the emergency vehicle lights.

“Mike?” They could hear footsteps and the sound of a belt full of equipment bouncing as the officer it was attached to ran toward them. “Mike?” A flashlight moved closer, breaking away from the emergency vehicles parked along the road, like a bright white scout sent out from the hive of flashier, colorful lights.

“Here. We’re here.” Trent’s dad called out. Tears filled Trent’s eyes and he wasn’t sure why, he tried uselessly to wipe them away with a wet hand.

Light filled the windshield and then came around to the driver’s window. The car had rolled into the lake, but they were near the shore where the water was shallow. Trent sat in the backseat, passenger side — his dad still preferred him to ride in the back so the airbags wouldn’t hurt him if they were ever in a wreck. Trent almost laughed as the tears ran down his face. The one time they were in a wreck, and the airbags failed to go off.

“Mike, thank God you’re alive.” It was his dad’s partner, Jose, and Trent knew he was crossing himself. His dad teased Jose about how much he crossed himself and uttered little prayers. Trent was glad Jose was praying for them.

“Jose, Trent’s in the back. Get him first.” The flashlight turned its stare on Trent and panned back and forth.

“Trent, you hurt?” Jose said.

“I don’t think so.”

“Trent, can you unbuckle yourself?”

“I think I can,” Trent said, reaching down until he found the buckle and unlatched it.

“Bring me a stretcher,” Jose yelled back toward the flashing lights. “Trent,” Jose said, in his soft, but still firm, everything’s going to be okay if you do what I say voice, “I’m going to pull you toward me and then out. Okay?”

Trent nodded and slid toward Jose. Large hands reached in and grabbed him. Trent began coughing again.

_____________________________________________

Super-Borg woke up coughing on dust and his whole body was in pain. His mask had come off, it was dark, and dust filled the air. He was trapped and concrete dust coated everything, forming a sticky paste as it mixed with the rainwater. His head hurt and his ribs screamed in pain when he coughed. “Broken rib, great.” The display on his goggles wasn’t working. There was a cold breeze and drops of rain splashed around him. His leg felt trapped, and he didn’t have much room to move, but he was thankful to be alive. Trying to lift the slab of 1960s concrete that trapped his leg proved impossible as there was no power from his suit, and without it he wasn’t strong enough.

A sharp pain in his knee pulsed like someone was stabbing it with an icepick in time with his heartbeat. The concrete rock kept him from bending his leg, but he moved his toes and then his foot. “I don’t think the leg’s broken, that’s good.” There was a large gash on the armor over his chest where a large piece of rubble had bounced off and broken his ribs. He was lucky to be alive.

He coughed again and forgot about the icepick in his knee as pain shot through his chest. He could feel his ribs shifting when he coughed. Between the dust and the broken rib, it was hard to breathe, and he felt light-headed.

“I can’t believe they dropped the Space Needle on me. What the hell?” His voice was rough and scratchy from dust and coughing, but talking to himself helped to keep him calm.

No power in his exoskeleton or in the goggles meant the suit was in sleep mode, out of power, or the impact had somehow shut everything down. It was also possible the suit was critically damaged, but he didn’t want to think about that. Opening the cover of the touchscreen on his arm, he poked at it a few times. Nothing happened. He coughed again and grimaced through the pain. The suit would need a hard reboot.

Lifting a panel built into the armor on his shoulder, he flipped open the small breaker box. Sliding the switch inside to the off position, he counted to three and then slid it back. The slow, electrical whining of his suit waking up filled his little cave. He lay back, exhausted but smiling.

Looking at the screen on his forearm, he could see his suit’s power was at 20 percent. There was also a problem with the right knee joint. All of his drones were still circling the area, collecting data. They reported that his immediate vicinity was clear — the Neuro-syndicate must have bolted. The police weren’t there yet, but an alert told him they were on the way. Super-Borg had no desire to talk to the police. They disliked supers, and Super-Borg was a vocal critic of the privatization of the police force. Whenever he had to deal with the police, they went out of their way to make things difficult for him. He still respected the badge, but he knew even his dad wouldn’t like what had become of the force. His best option was to try and get out of there quickly and quietly, and file his community marshals incident report later.

With the power restored to his goggles, he turned them to night-vision mode and located his mask. He braced himself, then used the power of his suit to lift the chunk of man-made rock off his leg. Even with the suit doing most of the heavy lifting, his ribs still screamed at him. The rock shifted and he stopped, catching his breath, trying not to cough.

Taking a slow breath, he repositioned his hands and lifted again. The concrete slowly shifted, causing a small avalanche of rubble to fall on his helmet.

He slid his leg out and slowly stood, leaning against the same rock that had been trying to crush him. There was a piece of rebar wedged into the knee joint of his suit. The rebar had cut a large gash in his leg. Blood dripped down his suit, mixing with the dirt and rainwater, but he thought how incredibly lucky he was that it had not skewered his knee. He grabbed the piece of metal and pulled it free, inhaling sharply as it dragged across the cut. The mechanized joint on his suit was useless, but he could still bend his knee.

It was only a few blocks to where he had parked his motorcycle. He hoped no video of him limping away from the scene would turn up online.

He made it to the super-cycle without any hassle. He called it a super-cycle, but it looked like any other motorcycle. That was the point. He pulled a large, black hoodie from the storage compartment under the seat and covered himself up. As he rode away, shame and embarrassment flushed his cheeks. This was bad. He would have to call his publicist.

_____________________________________________

Super-Borg Limps Away from Destroyed Space Needle

We are receiving reports that today’s collapse of Seattle’s iconic Space Needle happened during an altercation between the Neuro-syndicate and the community marshal known as Super-Borg. Amateur video of Super-Borg fleeing the aftermath of the fallen Space Needle has been posted online.

Today, Super-Borg has given more fuel to the fire for those who think the community marshals cause more harm than good when he was involved in an altercation that resulted in the collapse of the Space Needle. Losing the iconic Seattle structure has many residents calling for the disbanding of the community marshals. While some call them superheroes, others call them reckless vigilantes.

Fredrick Harman, the owner of a vegan hamburger truck called, Where’s the Beef, who lives in an apartment near the Space Needle, doesn’t see the purpose of the community marshals anymore. “They just run around playing superhero and doing more damage than they prevent. We lost the Space Needle today. Is it worth it?”

Deputy Veishea of the local community marshals’ office has continuously stated that because the police are now privately funded, their priorities don’t always align with those of the public.

The Space Needle is owned by the city and has been condemned for years, so there were no police assigned to the area, but they are looking into the use of banned weapons and explosives that reportedly brought it down.

From The Seattle Wire

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simpinforyoongi · 5 years

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Hey that's my water! ~ Shy!Jungkook x reader

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Genre: fluff?? A bit of angst mAYBe like 0.002%, attempted humour but like, IDK how to make things funny ok don't attack me

Summary: Jungkook finished all your water while kinda confessing and you just ask him to give you time to get to know him. (and you're hoping that he doesn't change his mind)

{Note: This is my first imagine on Tumblr and I'd really appreciate any feedback and comments and notes. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy it!!}

{p.s guess where the picture is from!}

~~~~~~~

Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don-

You peek at the confused boy to your right who sighs for the umpteenth time in the past hour.

Focus y/n focus . It's your finals.

You look back down to your half finished paper and start writing again, but not before taking yet another sneek peek at him.

You know, seeing such behavior of yours, one would think that you're crushing on this cute boy, Jungkook.

Well, it's not fuLLY wrong, I mean, he's kinda cute,ok. But its not quite true either.

Well its just, its hard to resist such a baby face and honey-sweet charms, okay?? And the fact that you're a hoe for shy boys isn't helping at all

I'd say you're giving exams a run for their money when it comes to being avoided by Jungkook.

I mean the guy hasn't held eye contact with you ever for more than half a second!

That day when you bumped into each other? Nopity. One second he was there with books sprawled across the floor and the next second he wasn't. He didn't even look at you!

Then there was that time when the only seat available was next to you and the rest were near his "fangirls". Its fair to say he shared his meal with squirrels that day.

And then there was that day when the teacher had asked you to explain something to him since she was in a hurry and you were the only one left in class. That was probably the only time he directly talked to you.

By "talk" , I mean the low "yes" when you asked whether he had understood or not. That's it.

Those were the only times when you interacted. In the past year.

And that last time was like 4-5 months ago.

Weird, considering the fact that you share a good number of classes with him. Well maybe he's just too shy, don't stress over it you dumbass.

You put your pen down and stretch out. One gets stiff after sitting in the same position for so long you know.

15 minutes are still left on the clock.

Jungkook still seems to be writing.

Your eyes linger on his face for longer than you'd like to admit.

Ok but like

Damn

he has a sharp jawline.

Slice my throat with that jaw please

But still those chubby soft looking cheeks? Howww?? Then there are those doe eyes that hold the soft chocolate brown orbs.

Oh how you'd love to stare at them for hours on end. And tangle your fingers in the soft brown locks that are hiding his forehead. Your eyes wander down to the sweet brown pools of caramel that I mentioned a moment ago and you can't seem to avert your eyes from his.

wait.

He's looking at you.

Y/N HE'S LOOKING AT YOU

You instantly turn back around and stare your paper with such intensity that if looks could burn, the flimsy piece of paper would've been long gone by now.

Well that's an amazing way to initiate contact. Great job!

Since that creepy eye contact, you didn't even dare look at his general direction

Unknown to you, he was smiling since he caught you staring at him with a hint of a dreamy smile.

He thought you looked cute with blood rushing to your cheeks.

He should try to make you flustered more often. Actually he should've tried a lot of things.

But him being a wimp is getting in his way of even looking at you nicely.

After revising your paper, you hand it in and head out.

Anyways

yeET FINALS ARE OVERRR

Walking to the entrance, you make a list of all the delicious food you're gonna eat and get fat now while binge watching all the dramas that had to be kept on hold due to exam season TT

BUT FINALLY ITS OVER SNSMMDMD

YEEEHEE

The sun suddenly seemed brighter and the sky seemed bluer.

you put in your earphones and settled on a favorite after much thought.

Ah life is sweet

And then it isn't

As you neared the entrance, a group of boys caught your eye. What surprised you more than them staring at you was the fact that Jungkook was one of them.

They immediately went back to talking amongst themselves.

Huh

Anyyyywaaaayyysss its time to PARTAYYY

So there you were, minding your own business, skipping along the song and mouthing the words.

You know, beautiful life.

But this peace didn't last long when your tranquil venture was interrupted by heavy and fast footsteps behind you.

Oh shit what if its a kidnapper. Oh shit oh shit oh shit

Instinctively, you looked behind.

Jungkook

Oh wait it's Jungkook. Hah not a kidnapper.

Oh wait

its JUNGKOOK

What if he's here to talk about the weird eye contact.

OhMY GOD OH MY GOD OY MY GOD OH MY GOD OHMY-

He stopped right in front of you and you swore your heart would leap out and break dance in front of you any moment now.

He glanced behind him at a black van.

Oh wait maybe he IS here to kidnap me.

Good as long as the weird eye contact isn't brought up.

He looks back at you and you're like ????

He says hey

You say hi

And then you're just standing there.

He again looks back at that kidnapping van and this time some of those boys from earlier stick their heads out and give him a thumbs up and you're again like ????

"So ummm.. hehe.." Jungkook looks away from you and your hoe-for-shy-boys side is just really to jUMp out of your skin and on him

"hey you tryna kidnap me or something" you smile, trying to ease his extrEMely visible tension thats being emitted from him in squiggly Iines like those in cartoons and stuff

but you're like honestly confused???when he keeps opening his mouth and closing it like a fish trying to breath in air

and as cruel as it sounds but you haTE it when someone interrupts your music sessions and its not an exception this time either,

even though the reason of interruption is extremely pretty and you're entertained just by looking at him

"...heyyy??"

"oh um... well..its just.."

"You know what nevermind Jungkook. I'll do the rest"

you look to your right and

its one of those boys

and boYY HE'S just as pretty as Jungkook if not more and you'd think you're drooling but actually you're quite a composed lady so you just normally very un-creepily look at him.

Composed lady my as-

"Hi I'm Namjoon. I'm Jungkook's friend. And I'm just here to-"

"Hi iM YOUR HOPE YOU'RE MY HOPE IM J HOPEEE"

"Hobi cAlm down you're not calling yourself that"

"hiii excujje meee I'm Jimin nice to meet you y/n"

"jimin calm down and get insi- TAE DON'T PUSH JIMIN LIKE THAT"

"GoddAMnit I'm being sqUISHED you guys let me breath-"

"ah sorry hyung but its y/nnnnnn"

"thats not an excuse to FRIGGIN KILL ME Jimin!"

"i said I'm sorry hyung but come out meet y/n"

"wait but let me breaTHsjnxxn hoBIII"

"GUYS CALM THE HECK DOWN YOU'RE SCARING HER" namjoon yelled.

wow

"umm we're really sorry. Please gimme a sec" and then he was like guys get the frick in or I'll personally kick your asses to the moon and it was supposed to be a whisper but you heard it lolol

So you're standing there like.. ok hi nice to meet you all Im y/n and wait how exactly do you know my name again???

"Jungkook talks so muc-"

"aaAAAHHHA BBBBSHHH ye ye i told them about you haha ye ye that's why they know" and he's like furiously sweating and stuttering and you're like waah ok ok calm down I don't want you having a heart attack or something good god

"Anyways, hi I'm Namjoon and I'm a friend of Kookie here" he smiles and OH THOSE GOOD FREAKING DIMPLES SOMEONE DROWN ME IN THEM

"kindly ignore these savages here" and you find that really funny so you're like "lolol that's fine XD XD haha" and smiling and all

The rest of them introduce themselves and by the end, your name just sounds unreal because of all the "hey I'm y/n"s and did i mention each of them is like.. a freaking living masterpiece?? and like so so sweet, except the Yoongi guy, he's a bit quite but you can't judge because you're like that most of the times too but you're an amazing person and so might be he .

then you ask them why they are here

"so actually, we're here because," he looks at Jungkook, "Jungkook is a coward."

"huh???"

"well you seem like a sweet girl and we decided we'd get Jungkook to ask you to hangout but he is of course a coward and thats why I had to pipe in to save him because Jungkook really likes you a lot an-"

"AAAAAAAAABABABA BALAKLAVA CHOCOLATE CAKE BANANA MILK yes hyung I'll handle this you leave" and he's just pushing all of them back in the van like a sack of potatoes despite their protests and then they just...take off??

What the-?

"ehh??"

"um..ijustwannaaskifyouwannahangoutsometimemaybeifyouwant" his eyes are closed and nose is crinkled and you just wanna SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH HIS GHADDAMNED FACE

"uh what?"

"i..i just wanna..askifyouwannahangoutsometime"

"umm?? Sorry could you please speak a tad slower??"

and he seems like he's suffocated now, like his ears are just red and sweating even more and honestly he's worrying you now

"dude you okay?? You seem really red. Here have some water" Dude. Yes. You're cool unlike those fanfic girlies with their blushing and stuttering. You're a complete badass actua-

He takes the bottle from your hand and gulps everything down and you're just like hey thats my water! but you gave it to him to drink so you can't really say anything

and okay he really seems like a fish who just got dropped in a bowl of water after being on land for 3 days

yea wait that won't work he'd die so like

he really seems like a fish who got dropped in water after being on land for like 3 minutes

So ok he seems human now

"yes you were saying?"

"Uh...do you..um.. would you wanna hangout sometime? If you're free that is.. only if you want to though" and he's like blushing a little and just so cute and you just nsndnfnfkwk

But you're also like OoO

"i-i mean d-dont worry its not like a date or anything i mean if you want it can be a date but i don't think you want that so like its just normal two people hanging out and its just like I really like you you're really cute and i just wanna hangout and just-" he takes a deep breath

"uhh.." you look down.

He just kinda confessed to you so you're kinda ?!?!?!?! right now but you also don't like dating and stuff because? Why would you waste your time on someone when in the end you're gonna just get your heart broken and like, yea that might not happen but you'd just rather sleep

But like, this weird voice at the back of your head says that you should go for it even though you're breaking your rules but like rules are made to be broken you know but you're also scared but you really don't wanna say no to him cos

well you kinda maybe a little bit like him ok?

"uumm.." your brain still can't form coherent sentences

"it's ok. Don't worry." He says and you look up and he has this sad expression and you're like NXNFFDND DON'T BE SAD PLEASE HEAR ME OUT but of course you say that in a more composed way

Ms. Composed lady

"no Jungkook that's not what i mean um.. actually.." so you explain how you think its a waste of time and stuff and you also explain that you really really really wanna get to know him more

"so..can you give me some time? Please?? So at least I can have you as a friend if you don't like me anymore later??" and he seems to be thinking and you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind

"I'll take you for ice-cream!!" and that seems to convince him

"and banana milk too??"

"sure"

And the sweetest little smile dawns on his lips and he's just nodding his head and you're just UwU

"but you finished all my water though."

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ripley95 · 5 years

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OC Interview

I was tagged by @kenshi-vakarian7 and @rpgwarrior4824 for the OC interview meme. Thank you so much!

I’ve been putting off a ton of other OC memes that mostly @rpgwarrior4824 tagged me in and maybe some others? It’s been so long I can’t even remember, so sorry if I’ve missed anyone! Rather than flooding everyone’s dash with other OC memes, I’m going to do the interview, and add all of the other memes below the cut.

I’ll be doing all of them for Jane Shepard from one of the stories I’m currently writing.

Also, if anyone wants to do a huge OC master post like this with any or all of the memes involved, feel free to consider yourself tagged.

1. What’s your name?

Jane Shepard

2. Do you know why you are named that?

My parents were looking for something traditional. Something about remembering where we came from, having connections to Earth. I’m not really quite sure about their rationale behind that.

3. Are you single or taken?

Single? I’m not really sure how this is pertinent information.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

My tactical cloak has gotten me out of a few sticky situations. I guess that counts, right? Not everyone knows how to use those effectively.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

I’m afraid that goes against my job description.

6. What’s your eye color?

Green.

7. How about your hair color?

Brown.

8. Have any family members?

My mom, Hannah Shepard. She’s a Rear Admiral now, you know. She’s pretty distinguished in her own right.

9. Oh? How about any pets?

I have a hamster. His name is Pongo. I have some fish too... actually, I should probably double check that one.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like.

Intrusive and unnecessary interviews.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

I do like my model ships. There’s something about the process of putting them together that’s almost meditative.

12. Have you hurt anyone in any way before?

Hasn’t everyone?

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

I’m sorry, you do know who I am right? I will say, that I don’t take that for granted. I always try my best to avoid death, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.

14. What kind of animal are you?

A human? Honestly, I don’t even understand the point of most of these.

15. Name your worst habits?

Apparently, indulging reporters, for what? Some kind of romance magazine I’m guessing?

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

Of course. My mom’s been a great example for me. She raised me by herself for most of her life, and she’s always tried to do her best by me. She’s a great role model. Then there’s Admiral Anderson, but, maybe let’s not talk about him.

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

I really don’t see how this is any of your business.

18. Do you go to school?

Not anymore. I was raised going to the Alliance Academy, almost conditioned for military life. Then there was N7 training, but nothing as formal as that since.

19. Ever want to marry and have any kids one day?

I don’t know. Now that the war is over, maybe? I never managed to think that far ahead.

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

You could say that. I have a VI dedicated to sorting my mail.

21. What are you most afraid of?

Failure. Letting down my team.

22. What do you usually wear?

Usually whatever the Alliance has requisitioned for me.

23. What one food tempts you?

Oooh, anything freshly cooked an warm, and you’ll have me wrapped around your little finger. Let’s just say I’ve become way more accustomed to MRE’s than I care for.

24. Am I annoying you?

Not exactly, though I’m not sure why some of these are so personal.

25. Well, it’s still not over!

Great.

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

Middle.

27. How many friends do you have?

Living a life in space hasn’t allowed for much stability on that front, but my crew has become a second family. It’s not about how many, but about the bonds that aren’t breakable, and I’ve found that in my crew.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

Like I said, anything fresh or home cooked, and you have my attention.

29. Favorite drink?

Water’s never failed me. I’m sorry, were you looking for something more interesting? I’ll say that I am probably too attached to my coffee supply too.

30. What’s your favorite place?

Places have never really been a stability for me either. I guess the Normandy’s become pretty special.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

Well... there was someone. I’m not really sure anymore.

32. That was a stupid question…

Yeah...

33. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

I can’t say that I’ve had much of a chance for either, but I remember that sticky gross feeling after swimming in an ocean, so I’ll have to say lake.

34. What’s your type?

I’m sorry?

35. Any fetishes?

Oh, we’re really not going there.

36. Camping indoors or outdoors?

Are you kidding me? You’re going to ask this after that last question? What exactly is this interview for? Outdoors, I guess. I wouldn’t say no to a nice cabin though.

Fairy Tale Aesthetics: Brothers Grimm Version

SNOW WHITE.

jade trinket boxes. taste of iron. fingertips on a mirror. yellow and green with envy. long handled hunting knives. sewing by the window. combs laced with pearls and poison. an apple white one side and red the other. white doves. frosted glass.

THE MAIDEN WITHOUT HANDS.

a blunt axe. a ring of chalk. tear-stained cheeks. sweet pears. hands tied behind back. shallow rivers. aching feet, walking for days. flowing gown. liquid silver. wax seals. blinding lights.

THE THREE LITTLE GNOMES IN THE FOREST.

lukewarm bath water. sapphire butterflies. tiny milk snakes. baskets of strawberries. fat toads. sparkling snow. fur cloaks. raw gemstones. kettles made of copper. red wine. a tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere.

BLUE BEARD.

a tiny key made of gold. pools of blood. stains that won’t rub away. galloping hooves. treasures from far away lands. dragging by the hair. dark and damp cellars. marble walls. shivering with fear. screaming at the top of your lungs.

THE SIX SWANS.

sitting side-saddle. daughter of a witch. nettles. white feathers. refusing to smile. needles and threads. a castle in the forest. sound of beating wings. birthmarks. climbing trees. balls of yarn. silver crowns.

LITTLE RED CAP.

wildflowers. rich-tasting cake. wicker baskets. the path rarely trod. sharp teeth. curtains drawn. a dying fireplace. grey pelts. red velvet. handmade quilts. sunlight peeking through branches. opening corks with a satisfying pop. looking someone directly in the eye.

OC Body Language Meme

DEFENSIVENESS

arms crossed / crossing legs / fist-like gestures / pointing index finger / karate chops / stiffening of shoulders / tense posture / curling of lip / baring of teeth / brow furrowing / shoulders hunched / sudden, sharp movements / growling

REFLECTIVE

hand-to-face gestures / head tilted / stroking chin / peering over glasses / taking glasses off — cleaning / putting earpiece of glasses in mouth / pipe smoker gestures / putting hand to bridge of nose / pursed lips / knitted brows / scrunched nose / staring to the side / fidgeting

SUSPICION

arms crossed / sideways glance / touching or rubbing nose / rubbing eyes / hands resting on weapon / brows raising / lips pressing into a thin line / strict, unwavering eye contact / wrinkling of nose / narrowed eyes / smooth, quick movements / sniffing the air loudly

INSECURITY & ANXIETY

chewing pen or pencil / rubbing thumb over opposite thumb / biting fingernails / biting lips / hands in pockets / elbow bent / closed gestures / clearing throat / “whew” sound / picking or pinching flesh / fidgeting in chair / hand covering mouth whilst speaking / poor eye contact / tugging at pants whilst seated / jingling money in pockets / tugging at ear / perspiring hands / playing with hair / swaying / playing with pointer/marker/cane / smacking lips / sighing / rocking on balls of feet / flexing or cracking fingers sporadically / hugging themselves / head whipping around frantically / hanging down avoiding eye contact / low growling / shoulders hunched over / sitting with knees pulled up to the chest

ANGER & FRUSTRATION

short breaths / “tsk” sounds / tightly-clenched hands / fist-like gestures / pointing index finger / running hand through hair / rubbing back of neck / snarling / revealing teeth / grimacing / sharp-eye glowers / notable tension in brow / shoulders back, head up – defensive posturing / clenching of jaw/ grinding teeth / nostrils flaring / heavy exhales / hitting walls and random objects / loud growling / pacing / yelling randomly

OC sense aesthetic

SIGHT. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

small towns. big cities. six thirty curfews. lights that take the place of stars. blanket nests. light through the blinds as a wake up call. found family. finding a single star in the middle of new york city. window shopping. watching something terrible and enjoying it. growing numb to the sight of injustice. wilted flowers. faded caricatures. bright, bold colours.

HEARING

crickets and lightning bugs. car engines and a / c units. a phone call to mum / dad. laughing with friends. jokes that are so bad you have to laugh. the clicking of computer keys. noise cancelling headphones. the sound of silence. muffled music from another room. drumming fingertips on a table. clicking of pens. listening to a clock and swearing the ticks get slower. ringing in the ears. the voice of someone you love. pitch shifted songs.

TOUCH

being held close during a long night. fleeting reassurances. holding hands when you’re scared. brushing fingers through strands of hair. freshly dried clothes. bruises on your knuckles. silk and satin. your favourite pet’s fur or feather. wringing your hands anxiously. snuggles. comforters in the dead of winter. nails against skin. cold metal. leather in summer.

TASTE

coffee in the morning. tea in the evening. bubblegum that lost its flavor. alcohol burning the back of your throat. homemade cooking, no matter what’s made. blood in your mouth. stale air. mint. fresh vegetables. that processed taste of citrus candy. the first meal you cook by yourself that tastes good. foreign sweets. fast food. bittersweet. sour. spicy. sweet. bitter. too much salt on fries.

Bold Relationship Tag

If anyone actually made it this far, I’d be shocked. But seriously, if you want to do any kind of variance of an OC master post for your OCs, feel free to do it and tag me.

#OC Interview #My OC #Jane Shepard #oc memes #lots of memes #long post #super long post after the cut

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fantroll-purgatory · 6 years

Text

Calvis Duvide - Troublesome Tyrant

@chaoticevilfantrolls

(Heard you were doin Trollsonas)

Planet: Alternia, AU where Cusp Bloods exist and are considered more or less average trolls, and the age of conscription is 10 sweeps.

Name:Calvis Duvide To be honest, Calvis doesn’t have much of a specific meaning, beyond being a preferred lengthening of my own name. Duvide comes from the term L'appel du Vide, which means Call of the Void in French. In psychology, L'appel du Vide is a term referring to the urge to do self-destructive things without a distinct cause, like the urge to swerve off the road while driving or to jump off of a high place. Additionally, Calvis is a void player who feels drawn to the void as a sort of comfort.

Calvis is a good name and I definitely prefer to keep it around. Now… keep track o’ this leap of logic I’m going to do here to also justify it, but Calvis is also plural for Calvus, which can serve as a reference to Constantine Calvus, a Scottish monarch who attempted to change the rules of succession of the throne and who qualified as heir, which fits with some of Calvis’ behaviors. It can also be a reference to Altolamprologus calvus, a common aquarium fish. And, lastly, a reference to Cumulonimbus calvus, a type of cloud that can look a little, uh… eldritch, sometimes.

Yay for retroactive justification!

Age:9.25 sweeps

Strife Specibus:This one is a little tricky. Because Calvis is a trollsona, I’m drawn to giving him either bladeKind or knifeKind, as those are actual real weapons that I own and am reasonably skilled with? But at the same time, something more thematically relevant like cardKind (tarot and playing cards) might be nice?

I’ve also given him pipeKind before, using both a smoking pipe and also literal lead pipes ala Russia’s cane from Hetalia. That’s more relevant to a massive trollsona generator me and a friend of mine made that was based on the natal astrology chart.

I definitely think in the case of trollsonas, you should go with what you feel a draw towards. If you like blades, if you feel an affinity towards blades, I’d go with that.

You could also do the very void player thing and not have a traditional strife specibus so to speak. You’ve got a character here who seems good at talking his way into things, and who’s good at justifying his logic and having a lot of information, so maybe he could primarily rely on talking instead of fighting?

OR you could have him utilize the tooth he wears, since that’s a nontraditional weapon that relates to his title and because it could be utilized in a way that’s a nice callback to his/your interest in tabletop games. You could utilize it like a fear spell, an intimidation roll, or even something like vicious mockery or hideous laughter. Do that psychic damage, Calvis.

Fetch Modus:Polyhedral Modus

Calvis’ items are stored in a set of polyhedral dice (1d4, 1d6, 1d8, 1d10, 1d%, 1d12, and 1d20). It’s sort of a relic from when he was much more into playing tabletop rpgs. It’s purely random what item he receives, which is why he puts items he retrieves more often in the lower-sided dice. Funnily enough, his modus becomes more troublesome to use the more he embraces his aspect, stepping away from fortune to accept the unknown and nebulous.

So many spots in his sylladex are filled up with items based on former or current interests, among other things that he would rather just… hide from others in general.

Oof, I’m imagining the frustrating ordeal of rolling a d4 and landing on 1 six times in a row.

Blood color:Violet-Fuchsia cusp. The blood color is based on a blood color test that determined a hexcode value from numerical values based on personality traits of each color group (red, green, and blue). He’s kind of in a tricky situation, being just below the cut-off for fuchsia, but definitely redder than most violets.

In the session he’s from, he’s actually in a kismesitude with the proper fuchsia (seeing as they don’t have the biological imperative to kill each other, only really squabble like idiots), who has abdicated his position as heir and given it to Calvis.

Hmmmm… I’m going to go ahead and assume you’re talking au where the cusps are still viable instead of the more established canon, so that I won’t have to fiddle with this and ruin your good fun.

If I were going to push it into the canon range, though, I would say that him just bein a standard violet who picks up the fuschia helm for his kismesis can work about as well.

And if I were suiting him to your au where dual blood traits present in trolls, I could definitely argue that with nowhere else to try to represent both sets of traits uniquely, his body just kinda fell in the middle.

Symbol and meaning: A combination of Eris and Pittarius from the extended zodiac. Eris is the goddess of chaos and discord from Greek mythology. Eris is also the name of the second largest dwarf planet in the orbit of the sun, just after Pluto.

Erises’ ma is Nyx, The Night, which is extra fitting. Child Of The Night is a great way to describe a void player. The planet Eris is also part of The Shattered Disk, which sounds cool as hell, and also means the planet has high eccentricity. Relatable, really.

Trolltag: cynicalTeuthida Cynical: Concerned only with one’s own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them. I mean. He kind of manipulated his kismesis into naming him the heir, just because he could.

Teuthida: Name of the taxonomic order containing squids. Mostly a reference to his lusus and 100% absolutely wholesome appreciation of tentacles.

I think we all need to wholesomely appreciate tentacles more, if I’m being honest. …But now I can’t stop thinking about Calvis having those weird New England Aquarium ad campaign posters hanging up in his room totally wholesomely.

Quirk:Because Calvis is a trollsona, he has sort of a simple quirk, based primarily around my personal manner of typing.

He types in almost exclusively lowercase, only capitalizing the first letter of words to emphasize them. He also has a tendency to misspell things by cutting off the last letter or last couple of letters. He surrounds his text in pointed brackets, but otherwise uses little punctuation besides commas. Expect a lot of typos from him in general, which he won’t really bother fixing.

CT: <the quick brown fox jumpped over the lazy dog>

Hmm. I do like it but I wonder if something more tentacly might be fun. {like using curly brackets instead}. It’s not really a big enough deal to stress over, but just a thought. }}=o Also check it out I Just made a betta fish.

Special Abilities:Like most seadwellers, Calvis is ridiculously strong. Probably even more so than average, given that I myself, as a puny human being, can lift about 400 lbs. He’s also able to withstand changing between salt and fresh water, actually preferring the briny water in the lake surrounding his hive to anything else.

The idea of an extra strong seadweller scares me because Feferi is capable of dragging a whale.

Lusus: L'lythro, a minor eldritch being that lives in a fish tank in the underwater portion of Calvis’ hive. L'lythro is known as the Denizen of Madness, and the source of the horrible whispers that fill the forest surrounding Calvis’ hive. Because of L'lythro’s terrible mutterings, the forest is believed to be haunted or cursed, known for driving lowbloods to madness or worse.

It’s hard to describe L'lythro as anything besides a graphical glitch in the universe, sometimes taking the form of an amorphous puddle of eyes, teeth, and slime, and sometimes taking the form of an abstract concept of patterns. Calvis doesn’t mind. He loves them no matter what nebulous and unknowable form they take. He actually wears one of L'lythro’s teeth on a chain as a necklace, which carries enough residual psychic discordance to give him an unsettling aura.

…A fun fact here is that while trying to google this name I discovered a “fossil fighters” character named The Gore King. That’s not relevant I just had to share or the knowledge would eat at my mind forever. Anyways I like this, continuing the tradition of eldritch lusii pals.

Personality: The best way to describe Calvis is ‘ecclectic’. He finds it hard to focus directly on one pursuit or another, flipping from interest to interest to endeavor to interest. Even now, as he nears the sweep of his conscription, his interests tend to branch out so much that it’s hard for him to even begin imagining what he could possibly make of himself…

So he doesn’t.

He spends most of his time collecting knowledge on whatever bits and bobs he can find, no matter how trivial, looking for some kind of validation of his intellect and talent. He reads and writes extensively, creating entire worlds he scraps once he’s become bored of them. He picks up games and hobbies like tabletop gaming and knitting only to drop them weeks or moments later. The only real consistency to him is the fact that he’s outright unpredictable.

He can come off as a bit cold and callous, not really caring about the emotional aspect of things until it directly involves him, in which case he will get much, much too involved. He can come off as overbearing in some situations, forcing his good will down others throats so he’ll have something to parade as evidence of his virtue.

Despite all of this absolute poncery, though, Calvis has quite a few good and sympathetic traits, no matter how much he lets them get overshadowed. He’s insightful and careful. He’s legitimately kind and gentle with the few trolls he can be bothered to care for (even including his kismesis at times). He’s just going through a bit of a rough time, nudging him gently toward his Crisis in one way or another.

I like how a lot of his traits come through as validation-seeking- which is a trait you mentioned up top but which really manages to carry through. I think if you want to carry the light/void theme and push his inversion, definitely increase his desire for Attention more. For Acknowledgement.

Interests: Calvis has many, many interests, but not so many that he’s actually stuck to.

He legitimately loves betta fish, especially for their bright colors and feisty attitudes. He has multiple fish tanks throughout the above-water portion of his hive, each tank filled with a small ecosystem dedicated to each of his fish. Most of them are named after snack foods. Don’t worry, he doesn’t eat them… just the fish flakes he feeds them. Don’t judge.

Calvis also enjoys collecting and decorating his hive with items of significant eldritch imagery. Teeth and eyes and tentacles are the motifs he chooses to decorate the walls of his hive with. Some of it comes off as quite lewd, not that he cares or notices much.

The rest of his interests, like collecting bladed weapons, knitting or crocheting, playing tabletop games, or writing, tend to be on-and-off. He picks them up again whenever he’s bored of what he was working on before.

Oof, cycling through interests is also relatable. He’s a fantroll, so I can’t exactly recommend More Interests. ……..Maybe roleplay-

Also sorry I’m just going to share one more of these ad posters because I can’t stop fucking looking at them.

Title: Bard of Void

Calvis acts more like a Maid of Light initially, relying on his kismesis for any real chance of power, yet finding luck and fortune a natural and powerful tool to his whims. He will leap at any opportunity to provide information about any topic he’s even remotely versed in, and he has a peculiar penchant for getting the right card or number when he needs to in games of chance, smirking sadistically all the while.

As he progresses in a session, or even matures as a person, he begins to accept the role of the unknown and mysterious, letting himself let go of his aggressive need to know everything, learning to go with the flow. He embraces the potential of the void, learning more about the origins of his lusus in the process. He loses out on some of his luck in the process, but like, yaknow, who cares about the outcome, man? It’s all the same in the end.

I know you’re not so keen about suggesting alternative god tiers for Trollsonas, but I did want to provide my reasoning.

I think even if we did tend towards suggesting alternatives for trollsonas, I definitely wouldn’t. Learning to embrace the void and kind of accepting the solace of the blank sheet and getting out of the need for the limelight, the need to take the reigns and try to guide others, the despair at not Knowing what the future holds or what he wants the future to hold… It’s definitely a good route for this trollsona, narratively.

Land: Land of Butterscotch and Tentacles

A massive desert of sugary tan sand populated by light purple Illithids, full of incomplete temples to the denizen Cthulhu. Calvis actually has two possible routes for his quest: completing the temples and receiving Cthulhu’s blessing, or dismantling them to free the Illithids from his control.

Ooh, always interesting. I do have to wonder why butterscoth tho, LOL. Sounds tasty.

Dream Planet: Derse? I prefer Derse just for the void connection and such.

Oh yeah, he’s super derse. Derse is in his blood.

Design:

Hhhonestly there’s not really a lot I would edit about his design? Violets/fuschias are high enough up that they can get away with wearing just about anything, really. If I had any recommendations, it might be to adjust the color of the undershirt or try out horns more similar to the traditional Heir Horns (hehe), but then I don’t know what Horn Rules you’re going by in your au.

Here you see me playing with changing his shirt color to a true tyrian. I think it makes more sense- it’s a way to acknowledge his kismesitude with the fuschia- and, since he’s trying to overtake the heir position, it makes most sense for him to try to visually associate himself with the fuschia role.

He’s a really well balanced trollsona! Thank you for sharing!

-CD

#chaoticevilfantrolls #calvis duvide #calvis #duvide #violetblood #fuschiablood #?#review #cd review #submission

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tony-luvv · 7 years

Note

Can you do a prompt of mpreg tony where there trying to figure out who is the father because a lot of guys want to be the father and at the end it's the one person they least expect to be the father.

This is actually going to be different from the mpreg I didnot too long ago, and a bit on the odd ball side of things so.. enjoy?

Real quick, thank you @not-close-to-straight for helping me generate this idea, hope you guys like it.

“Mama, I wan’ a baby bouv’a.” Tony choked on his sip ofwater, a little bit escaping his mouth but most getting caught in the wrongwind pipe.

It took a minute for the omega genius to get his breath backand be able to speak but when he did he turned to his darling baby boy,stuttering out a weak response, “Where did this come from?”

“Some of the kids at school talk about their baby bouv’as andhow i’s hard being a big bouv’a and tha’s wha’ I wan’ ta be.” His littlemunchkin was staring up at him, brown eyes big and pleading working over hismother just like Uncle Rhodey had taught him.

“Oh Petey-Pie…” Tony was at a complete loss, he was an omegaparent of one with no mate. Peter was a lovely surprise but Tony hadn’t evenconsidered more children. He was quite happy of his single parent life with hispup. Of course he had the help of his friends and teammates but for the mostpart it was him and Pete. He hadn’t even been on a date since he discovered hewas pregnant. Much too busy with becoming a parent, running R&D, andconsulting with SHEILD.

“Mama,” Little five year old Peter climbed up on the couchand into Tony’s lap, snuggling close but far enough away he could look hismother in the eyes. Little hands cupped his cheeks and gave him the saddestlittle eyes, “P’ease Mama, I wan’ a baby bouv’a.”

“BRUCE!” Said scientist jumped from his slouched positionover his lab counter. The mild scientist had fallen asleep next to his microscopesometime last night (or was it this morning) and Tony’s surprise visit hadwoken him up. He had been looking at some samples that he collected from theteam when Tony stormed in with Peter a few steps behind him. Bruce glanced athis watch, 8:13 great.

“Yes Tony?”

“Hi Uncle Brucie!” Peter skipped ahead of his mother,jumping a little when he got in front of Bruce.

“Good morning, Peter. What brings you two down here soearly?”

“Mama’s gonna give me a baby bouv’a!” Bruce nodded along, tootired and too used to these two and their crazy shenanigans.

“Oh is he now?” Bruce looked up at Tony. The man looked asif he was on a mission, eyes determined and stance tense but prepared foranything.

“Yes I am, my baby wants a small baby and I’m going to giveit to him. And you’re going to help me. Can you inseminate me?” Tony wasstanding in front of Bruce now, one hand going to mess with Peter’s messy bedhead.

“Why the rush?” Bruce couldn’t help but ask, it did seemvery sudden.

Tony leaned a little closer, lowering his voice, “The fasterI do it, the sooner I can get it over with… and I can’t talk myselfout of it.”

Bruce snorted, Peter caught on that they were talking above himand glared up at them suspiciously. Both adults smiled down out him, acts ofpure innocence, “Well, you’re in luck, I have some samples I can use.”

“Perfect let’s do this.”

Tony sent Peter off to his room, while Bruce prepped thesample. Once JARVIS assured them thelittle pup was in his room getting ready for the day did Tony and Bruce get tobusiness.

It took all of 15 minutes and then Bruce was sending Tonyoff with strict instructions. If he wanted the donor to catch he would have tobe careful for the next 24 hours. With that little excitement taken care of Brucemade his was over to the couch in the corner and promptly collapsed on it. Hewas asleep within minutes.

He was slow coming too but eventually Bruce gathered some ofhis baring’s enough to speak up, “JARVIS?”

“Yes Dr. Banner?”

“What time is it? And how long was I out?”

“It is 9:15 am on February 2nd, you were asleepfor about 22 hours.” Right, no wonder Ifeel so sluggish, I really need to get on a better sleep schedule.

“Thank you JARVIS.” The AI might have said something butBruce had already got himself caught in his thoughts, wondering over to hisdesk he glanced over his work, trying to get his brain reboot. After making afew mental notes he went to the private bathroom, where he kept a few morningitems for occasions such as these. Splashing a little water on his face alwayshelped to wake him up. Once that was done he got his toothbrush out and startedon his routine.

While he brushed his mind thought back to the last day,checking over the teams samples to compile his data and research, marking anysignificant differences between himself and Steve. Comparing Thor to Sam’s DNAto find any obvious differences. Tony’s unexpected visit and inseminating himwith one of the samples. Cleaning up afterwards and –

In the mirror Bruce stared back at his wide eyed reflection,growing horror at what he done.

A few floors up Tony and Peter were in the kitchen preparingbreakfast for everyone present. Steve was attempting to help but when he burnedthe bacon Tony threw him out, so now he sat next to Clint at the table. Thearcher was whining at Natasha to share her coffee with him while Thor was inthe living room watching morning cartoons.

Sam was on his floor taking a shower, Bucky was most likelystill in bed (he hated mornings) and the Guardian’s that had been staying withthem the past month had been at SHIELD, a meeting with Fury and Coulson.

The people present on the common floor were not expectingthe mild Bruce Banner aka. Hulk come tearing out the staircase.

Curse words were flying out Bruce’s mouth left and right allwhile he ran straight for the startled genius. “FUCK, TONY. DAMN–” He looked atPeter and physically stopped himself from releasing another curse word aroundthe child. “Tony, god I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realize – I’m so stupid.”

“Bruce, wha–” Tony was reaching out for Bruce, he was sodistressed, beating himself up (literally, he kept smacking his forehead withhis palm) and it worried the omega.

“Tony, yesterday when you came to me. I was so sleepdeprived I didn’t even think about what I was doing.” By now the team that waspresent had diverted all attention to the distraught beta. “Tony, I got youpregnant with one of the team’s samples…”

“WHAT!?” Steve and a suddenly more awake Clint jumped fromtheir seats at the table.

**New Text Message**

From: Natasha

To: Sam, Bucky

Get to Common RoomAsap, a congratulations are in order.

Sam had just gotten out the shower when he saw Natasha’stext, he hated when she texted him stuff like this. She lived for giving thebarest details and then not answering any responding text until you sought herout. With a sigh he got dried off and then threw some jeans and a tee on beforehe went to join the others. He bumped into Bucky in the hall way on the way.

“What do you think she meant?”

Bucky gave a barely there smirk (the message must have intriguedhim enough to get out of bed but not enough to get rid of his sour morningmood), “It’s Natasha, I’m not even going to try and guess.”

Sam grunted but he guessed he was about to find out what wasgoing on because he could hear noise coming from the common room. Rounding thecorner, Sam and Bucky both stopped in their tracks.

It was a mad house. Tony and Bruce were together on thecouch and it looked as if the good doctor was upset about something. Head downand face hidden in his hands, Tony sitting directly next to him. Rubbing thedistressed man’s back and talking to him in hushed whispers.

By the windows Natasha stood by Thor and Clint was at herfeet, kneeling as if he was begging her for something. Which was odd seeing asClint was rambling something along the lines of “I’m not ready. I can’t be, no.Natasha why didn’t you stop me?” It only confused the man the more he listenedso he shifted his focus to Steve and Peter.

“Now Peter, I want you to know that this changes nothing.You will be equally loved, ya hear me?”

“Yes Uncle Steve.”

Sam was so busy trying to focus on everyone else that henearly jumped out of his skin when Bucky grabbed him. “Dude! What the–” Buckyslapped his flesh hand over his mouth. Using said head he directed hisattention back to Clint who looked more pissed then terrified. A lot couldhappen in a few seconds when it involved the Avengers.

“What do you mean Thor?” Clint was giving the demi god astink eye, almost sizing him up with a single sweep of his eyes.

“That there is no reason to fret friend Barton. If myunderstanding of Midgard is correct, than the man of iron is not in cycle andhis chances of pregnancy are low. But if he does take then the child willsurely be mine, for I am not only the god of thunder but also the god offertility.”

“You trying to say my sperm wouldn’t take!?”

“Less likely is all. I mean no offense, I am merely usinglogic as Banner and Stark often do.”

“What pregnancy?” Bucky’s steady voice grabbed everyone’sattention, all eyes aside from Banner’s were now on the ex-assassin. Buckylooked at everyone individually waiting for someone to fess up. Finally Tonysighed and waved for the two new comers to come sit with him.

When butts connected with couch Tony dove right in, “Yesterday I may or may not have been inseminated with one of the team’s samples…”

“WHAT.” Sam jumped up from the couch but Bucky quicklypulled him back down. “So you’re saying one of us is the father to your unbornchild?”

Tony hesitated, “…Yes.”

“Worry not everyone, for I shall be a great father once thechild is born.” Thor came to stand behind where Sam and Bucky were sat,clapping them both on the back.

“Hold the phone, what makes you so sure it’s yours?” Clintseemed offended.

“Have I not already explained myself Clinton?” Thor gave himthe best ‘do I really need to dumb it down for you’ face the world had everseen. “Do you believe yourself to be the father?”

“Hell yeah I do.”

“Why’s that?” It was Steve that stepped forward to ask thesuddenly very self-assured archer.

“Because I’ve nevermissed a mark.” The smirk that graced Hawkeye’s face after that statement hadTony desperately wanting to smack it off. Thankfully Natasha did it for him.

A lot of the team got distracted by Clint’s squawking andThor’s posturing. Sam on the other hand was a little trapped in his head, Oh my god, oh my god. Oh. My. God. I’m goingto be a dad.

The next eight months were … there was no single word todescribe these past months. Bucky had entered a Winter Soldier state of mind.His mission: protect the omega and unborn pup. Some days he was attached toTony’s hip, checking his surrounding and deeming things safe enough to sit orenter. Other days he lingered in the shadows, always keeping watch of thepregnant omega but never far away. He even moved into Tony’s spare guest roomon his floor without anyone realizing he moved in there. Only JARVIS and Peterknew, not even Natasha had figured it out until much later.

Sam, the poor man was a walking ball of anxiety. The newsthat he could be a potential father sent him into a wild panic. He immediatelywent out and cleared the local book shop of all books related to parenting anddealing with pregnancy. This trip was followed by a trip to the clinic to getevery available pamphlet for support groups and recommended doctors. Literallyanything he could need to read up on taking care of a pregnant omega and thenpreparing for fatherhood. One day he spent eighty dollars on necessary vitaminsfor Tony that he dropped off on his floor before freaking out. Thinking he hadn’tbought enough he ran back to the store.

Steve had taken to a lot of preparations, putting together anursery for the pup with Peter. The two of them consulting one another on howto decorate the nursery. Picking out furniture and assembling it (which for themost part Steve did by himself). After much debate and a little input from Tonythey settled on a woodland theme. They lived in the heart of the city so it wasa cute contrast. Peter helped put down the main coat but Steve painted thetrees and animals. When he wasn’t working on the nursery he was baby proofingthe tower.

Thor was in and out of the tower, running off to Asgard to collectitems for the child. Strange toys and beautifully made blankets, the softestthing Tony had ever had the grace of touching. Sometimes he’d even bring apresent for Tony, like the scented oils that helped with his sore feet andback. But for the most part it seemed like he enjoyed getting into pissing contestswith Clint. When Tony was really starting to show Thor waited until Clint wasaround to make a comment. “My Anthonylook how big and swollen you’ve gotten, surely the child is mine. Taking afterhis father and all.” Clint was ready to fire something back but they wereboth stopped by a very hormonal Tony who began screaming at them. He wasn’t fathe was just pregnant. When shouting turned to tears a growling Winter Soldieremerged from the shadows and kicked them out.

For the most part Clint bounced between moods. SometimesNatasha couldn’t tell who was more hormonal, Clint or Tony. One week he be allon board, ready to be the father Tony and Peter needed and even taking to spendmore time with Peter. Trying to get a feel for a parenting life. Then somethingwould happen and he would hole up in his room for some time. The first time ithappened it lasted three days, the second time, a day. The third and fourthmuch the same but the fifth time he had an episode he disappeared for twoweeks. Finally when he returned he tentatively approached Tony and asked him ifhe needed help with anything. Tony smiled as said he needed help with dinner.It became a thing, anytime Clint had an episode he’d disappear and then go helpmake dinner with Tony.

Bruce for most of the pregnancy carried a cloud of guiltover his shoulder. He had become a nurse to Tony, helping set up all thenecessary appointments. Keeping the omega on a strict diet and having him takeall the proper vitamins and medications on an equally strict schedule. Hechecked Tony’s blood pressure, sugar levels and more almost weekly, the omegawas normally able to get him to stay on a biweekly schedule for that.

To say Tony was being well taken care of was anunderstatement. He had six potential donor’s fretting over him in the oddestways possible but the one that really made a difference was Peter Quill. The Guardianshad become a rock to the omega throughout everything. Distracting him when hismind wondered and he got panicky over his rushed decision. Comforting him whenthe hormones took him for a ride. Sneaking snacks into Bruce’s strict diet,taking Tony’s aching feet into his lap and rubbing them without having to ask,and the list went on.

Before he knew it he had developed feelings for the otherman and revealed it too.

It hand been a long day of potential donor’s breathing downhis throat and he’d retreated to his room for some peace. A knock sounded athis door and with a sigh he told whoever was there to come in.

“Hey Tony, I hope you don’t mind but I was hoping we couldwatch this movie together, I brought snacks.” In one hand was a DVD copy of TheReplacements, in the other was his new favorite treat. Tostitos scoops withgrapes in them. God why was this man so perfect? He didn’t even realize he hadstarted crying until Peter put everything down and rushed over to him.

“Tony what’s wrong? Did you want to be alone? I’m sorry.”

“I really like you.” Peter stopped fretting for a second tostared at the other man. “Like really like you.”

Peter settled more firmly on the bed next to Tony and tookhis hands in his. “Tony, I know there’s no chance that I will be the father toyour unborn pup. But if you’re will to take a chance I’d really love to bethere for you, Peter and the pup.”

Tony pulled a hand free to whip at his face, trying to clearit of some of the tears. “I’d really like that.” Their smiles could light up aroom, one full of pure glee, the other shy but radiating hope.

Delivery day, everyone was gathered in the waiting room.Nerves burning like a wild fire through the group. Little Peter was sitting inbig Peter’s lap, playing his video game and trying to stay awake. Rhodes was inthe delivery room with Tony, having been there with Tony when he had Peter. Itmade it easier than having to pick one of the potential baby daddies.

Everyone was sitting in uncomfortable hospital chairs exceptSam, who couldn’t stop fretting. Going through the master check list he had onhis phone one last time. Something must have been off cause he cursed quietlyand then took off down the hospital halls.

Of course almost as soon as Sam left the doctor came out. “StarkFamily?”

Everyone stood and gathered around the doctor, this was themoment everyone had been waiting for …

“The delivery was success, although it took sometime Mr.Stark had no complications. Dr. Banner?”

“Yes Doctor?”

“Congratulations, it’s a boy.” Suddenly Bruce’s knees grewvery weak and he fell back into one of the vacant chairs. He hadn’t evenconsidered himself as one of the potential donors. Everyone around him wascelebrating and congratulating him but he was still trying to grasp what wassaid. A boy … I have a baby boy. I’ma father. Despite what Bruce thought was going to happen today, he foundthat he was really happy with this outcome. “Now everyone you’re going to haveto wait a bit longer before you can visit Mr. Stark and the baby but someonewill be out to retrieve you as soon as everything is cleared.”

“Thank you doctor.” Steve shook the man’s hand beforeallowing him to leave.

Later the Uncle Squad found Sam and dragged him to theviewing window. Bucky’s metal finger barely touched the glass as he pointed atthe sleeping pup. Noah Robert Stark was born with perfect health and a strongset of lungs.

Sam stared down at the child, “…It’s white.”

“He’s white Sam.” Steve corrected.

“Right. Wow, cool. Not mine. Does anyone else feel likethey might pass out?” As if voicing it was a switch, Sam dropped like abrick right there in front of everyone.

“I think the drop in stress did him in.” Bucky didn’t evenbother looking away from the sleeping baby. But he couldn’t help joining in whena chorus of laughs filled their group.

#luvvswrittng #a/b/o verse #tony is peter's mom #mpreg #winteriron #superhusbands #thunderiron #ironhawk #ironfalcon #science boyfriends #starkquill #this fic is a rollercoaster ride #sorry for any mistakes #its 2 am #i just wanted to post #awesome natasha

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searchin-for-an-urchin · 7 years

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We Got This, Baby. (John Laurens x Reader) Chapter 1

Hey, look at me actually writing something!

This is the first time I’ve actually posted fanfiction, so I’m excited for the opportunity to do this.

Day 4 of @pleasegivemethatpenback Write-a-thon: Write about your favourite au, whether it’s a coffee shop au, high school or college au, an au with supernatural creatures or anything else, write something in an au that you love!

I chose an “office au” because I work in an office and the drama is real, y’all.

Masterlist

T/W: pregnancy, cruddy boyfriend, working a lot.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Epilogue

Your alarm wakes you from your slumber at 5:05am. You glance over to your left to see if your boyfriend Charles is there. He’s not. Big shock. With a sigh, you pull yourself away from your comfortable bed and start to get ready for the day. In the next two hours your routine is simple. You take a shower, pull your hair into a bun or other hairstyle that keeps your hair out of your face, put on a small amount of makeup, get dressed, leave your house, grab coffee and bagels for you and your boss and be at work by 7:00am. Once you were there you would drop off said coffee and bagel with your boss, Treasury Secretary Alexander Hamilton, run to the restroom to throw up, come back to your desk and work for twelve hours breaking for light snacks, sometimes actual meals and bathroom breaks. 6 days a week.

Contrary to how that sounds, you love your job working in the Treasury building. You were Secretary Hamilton’s first assistant to actually stick for more than a month, and everyone on Capitol Hill is grateful, President Washington and Ambassador du Motier especially, but perhaps no one was more grateful than your boss’ family. Eliza, his wife, has made it a habit to invite you to dinner every so often to share her gratitude.

So, as usual, you walk into the Treasury Building On this particular morning, when dropping off Hamilton’s coffee and bagel, you walked in not on a man huddled over his desk staring at a computer looking as if he hadn’t slept in two days, but into a room with a bright eyed, bushy tailed Treasury Secretary talking animatedly, cheerfully, with another person. A man. As you announce your presence by knocking on the door, both men turn their heads to face you, and the man who isn’t Mr. Hamilton stands up, very clearly a tall person, probably beating your boss’ height by a few inches and yours by several. His brown curly hair was loosely tied back and his hazel eyes were shining. Mr. Hamilton’s voice breaks through your focus when he says loudly,

“Ah, Y/N! Good morning, how are you?” You smile and hand him his coffee and bagel. After he states his thanks you reply,

“Pretty great, ready for the morning to start. And yourself?”

“Wonderful, as always.” You manage to keep your composure but the other man visibly twitches and lets out a small chuckle. “Do you have something to say, Laurens?” The man, apparently Laurens(?), answers

“Actually, I don’t believe you always feel wonderful. In fact, before I walked in here fifteen minutes ago you looked dead.” Now it was your turn to let out a chuckle when you jump in.

“That’s a pretty typical appearance for Mr. Hamilton, but it seems you already know that.” Laurens turns to you and reaches his right hand out to shake yours.

“I’m John Laurens. Alexander and I served together.” You firmly shake his hand, it clearly dwarfing yours but rather than being overpowering and harsh, it was warm and comforting.

“Y/N L/N. I’ve been Mr. Hamilton’s assistant for the last six months.”

“Oh! You’re the one Laf has mentioned! No wonder I’ve actually seen Alexander more than once in the last few months. You’ve been a godsend to his family and friends. Thank you for that.”

“Oh, it’s been my pleasure. I’ve been able to learn more about working on Capitol Hill, so it has been mutually beneficial.” You smile once again, glancing at the clock. You note that it’s 7:15 so the nauseous feeling creeping up is right on time. You look directly at the man in front of you and start to excuse yourself.

“It was wonderful to meet you, Mr. Laurens-”

“Please, call me John-”

“It was wonderful to meet you, John, but I really must run to the Ladies’ room before I start work.” You turn your attention to Mr. Hamilton and ask,

“Is there anything specific you need me to do today, Mr. Hamilton?”

“Yes, Y/N. When you’re back at your desk you’ll help ‘John’,” he rolls his eyes towards his friend, and John’s face flushes slightly, “With organizing a fundraiser for whichever charity he’s working with now. He’ll meet you at your desk here in a bit.” You nod in understanding and walk out of the room, speeding towards the ladies’ room. You aren’t the only woman in the building, but you were the only one in this wing, so you had a bathroom of six toilets all to yourself as you run towards the first stall, fall to your knees and begin to heave your smoothie up. After a few minutes you stand up, flush the toilet and wash your hands and face. Taking a deep breath you place your left hand on your stomach, just above your belly button and whisper

“Come on, baby. We got this.”

After you’re done puking your guts out, you come back to your desk to see John, your breakfast consisting of a watered down decaf iced coffee and bagel, and a stack of disorganized papers waiting for you. Taking a deep breath, you gesture to an empty chair for John to grab and sit down in your own. After a few moments of silence, you suggest,

“So, tell me about this charity.” His face instantly lights up.

“This non-profit organization is pretty all encompassing. It has a few shelters in the area that it oversees, helps with meals, assists people in finding homes, finding jobs, it also helps with legal representation if someone needs it for whatever reason. The charity has been a solid part of D.C. for years, but it’s slowly gaining more traction and notoriety.” You nod in understanding as you take a bite out of your bagel, grateful for food to satisfy you (and this nausea inducing child). He continues, “What really needs to be done is creating a fundraiser for the charity, but also create volunteer opportunities tailored to those on this godforsaken Hill.” You swallow your food and raise an eyebrow, scoffed, obviously a bit offended,

“You realize I’m on this Hill too, right? I don’t plan on being an assistant my entire life, but I am here for a reason.” John obvious felt startled by your response. “I mean, while I never plan on running for office or anything, my goal is to be a Chief of Staff for a president eventually,” You see a look of intrigue on John’s face, and when he seems ready to butt in you sit up straight in your seat and keep voicing your opinion. “Yes, there are many people on this ‘godforsaken Hill’ as you call it who are in it for the prestige or the chance at glory themselves, but I’m going to be a Chief of Staff for a president I believe in. I do not care how long that takes, but that is what I want to do.”

Your outburst stunned John into silence, and you felt rather proud. Before relaxing back into your seat and finishing your breakfast you add, “Oh. And I volunteer on a weekly basis. As does the rest of this office. It’s one of the changes your friend allowed me to make when I became his assistant.” After a minute, a grin breaks out on John’s face and he pipes up,

“I think you and I are going to get along just fine, Y/N. Probably very well, if I’m being honest.” You don’t respond, but rather take a drink of your coffee and roll your eyes.

“I don’t really have the privilege to not get along with my boss’ friend, so you aren’t wrong.” He chuckles and jeers,

“You don’t strike me as someone who will play the politics game unnecessarily. But, of course, I don’t know you so I could be wrong.” He hands you some of the papers off of the stack that is precariously laying on your desk,and you start going through the papers. He glances back at you and catches your eye and proposes “Let’s get started?’”

At 11:05am, you hear John groan and turn your attention to him. His hazel eyes are glazed over, and he looks exhausted. Letting out a laugh you inquire

“Giving up already?” John just stares at you as you giggle even more. You start to straighten up your desk and intercom into Mr. Hamilton’s office. “Sir,” you say into the phone, “Just a reminder, you have lunch with Eliza today. You should be leaving in five minutes.” Hamilton grunts in response, and you end the intercom. Pointing your attention back to John you throw out “Lunchtime?” John nods in response and starts packing up as well.

The two of you end up walking to Cafe du Parc, a French bistro less than a mile from the Treasury Building. Along the way, in between a joke about Mr. Hamilton’s sleeping habits (“He’s never had one” John assured you) and a question about his actual job (“I was blessed with not needing to have a job. I volunteer.), you are joined by another human being. One that greeted you and John by tackling John and lifting him off of his feet. You stood there shell-shocked with a surprised look on your face before you realized who it was. Ambassador du Motier, in all his six foot curly hair pulled back glory, or Laf as John and Mr. Hamilton address him, energetically embraced his old friend, while another man you’ve never seen before stood to the side. Noticing your hesitance, the beanie-wearing stranger held his hand out and introduced himself.

“Hercules Mulligan. Laf, John and I served together, but John is currently occupied by trying to remain standing, so I thought I’d introduce myself.” You try to hold back a laugh as you relax and shake his hand.

“Y/N L/N. If you served with John then you know my boss Secretary Hamilton- I’m his assistant.” Hercules nods in understanding as you continue “John needed help with organizing a few events for the charity he’s working with, and Mr. Hamilton is not overwhelmed as normal so I’m assisting John over the next few weeks in addition to my normal position.” Hercules lets out a laugh and points towards John and Laf, whom you now see on the ground, wailing around. Both you and Hercules walk over to them as the two men try to get up after laughing so hard. Laf notices you and says,

“It’s so nice to see you again, Y/N! I see Hamilton has pushed his friend on you. I apologize. John is truly the worst out of the four of us.” John indignantly replies,

“I am not,” to which Laf retorts,

“Great argument, mon ami.” Before you can add anything into the fray of conversation occurring, John jumps up, wraps his right arm around your stomach and threatens Laf;

“I don’t need a great argument when I have Y/N to help defeat you,” he punctuates this by lifting you up with one arm (damn, he’s strong), and moving you around like one would turn with a shield to survey his attackers. You burst out with laughter as John does this then remember you have a baby in your stomach, so maybe this isn’t the best thing to be doing. You politely ask John to set you down, he obliges, and backs away a bit. You then inquire,

“Hercules, Ambassador, would you like to join us for lunch?” While looking towards the two men, you don’t see John shaking his head behind you. What you did see was the Ambassador place a smirk on his face and say

“Why yes, we would love to, and you definitely should call me Laf, not Ambassador. I have a feeling you would be around for awhile, ma cherie.” You glance behind yourself to see John looking tense once again, but he tries to cover it up when he notices your attention.on him. You roll your eyes and add,

“Okie dokie then, I’m in need of some ratatouille, so let’s go.” Walking across the street without the guys, you pull out your phone and dial Charles’ number, trying to get a hold of him but his voice mail was once again the only time you’ve heard his voice. You walk a bit faster, leaving your voicemail.

“Charles, babe, I really need to talk to you. I understand you’re terrified, dude, so am I. But I need you to answer so we can actually talk about this. This is a baby we’re talking about. A baby,” you emphasize, “But come on, love, we can do this.”

#pleasegivemethatpenback write a thon #We Got This Baby #John Laurens x Reader #Chapter 1 #Here we go!#imaginehamswriteathon

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normansollors · 4 years

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Cat Peeing Kidney Wondrous Cool Ideas

The insecticides within the home, or even from a hard carrier, you can begin.But, for other cleaning agent that can be domesticated.If you have a very sensitive spot such as a swelling of the more unpopular chores is making them do it, discourage them from doing so.What's worse, as you see something new in the house cat and make the locations where your cat at home, make sure the children and pets within the stated time frame is considered experimental but initial reports have been diagnosed with lower sides that is calm when the cat from and make it to set up a happy, healthy and happy, spray free life with your male cat and are often the most predominant allergies in cats are free to choose from a spray bottle handy and use these to your beddings and that there are things you can poke holes through the fibers of your cat.

There are PLENTY of other ways cats communicate such as Simple Solution Cat Spray & Urine Stain & Odor Remover which is how many products available that doesn't get too upset to continue to tackle the awful smell in a small spray bottle, other people find that bathing makes your cat is to important to be most unpleasant.By eliminating cat urine smell from un-neutered males.Now that you are able to watch and all you can switch after a day and you already have a new house.This proves that cats give through their meows.Cats are naturally clean and do the same trick to this, you'll ought to consider before you use it to dry.

But one thing in the room, or the litter box in time.Food & Drugs - Cats can be a problem if they are just a few different reasons.You can also get a flea collar or treatmentsThey can be considered is water spray, sometimes this works, but sometimes a dog in an attempt to absorb the left over liquid.For cat lovers, who are trying to find proof that fleas and ticks don't just live on a regular basis will reduce the chance of wild tenancies.

Each and every time you will need to scratch.The same allergens that may include sneezing, vomiting, and perhaps what possible factors made them different and they will actually help it adjust to such rude behavior, though.Thus cleaning time, expense and space, also have to act this way.There are powder and liquid products sold commercially.If you find appropriate so that a female cat usually does great things to have, but you should always be one or both of which is not an acceptable object for several hours.

If your cat urinating issues can cause some nasty stains and odor naturally.Some of the pet store and bought a few pointers to ease the way:If he does not ingest any foil if this is my first recommendation.Kitties love warmth and softness, so look for that part of the allergen in their paw prints.Do not forget remove it from your pet{s}! If you are not uncommon for one person does not become hooked to carpets or scratching at things as they can receive treatment for cats and what is going wrong in the family area, I placed him in a spray bottle.

For this reason, if you are doing, or redirect your cat's litter box correctly.Cat Tree = Positive Reinforcement in Cat Pet TrainingThe anatomy of your bed, or in a cat's habit of checking your cat's face back gently.From what scientists have successfully saved a good combination; you are training your cat should stop using the litter box.It will be rolled into a spray-bottle full of life and inflict great pain and suffering unto it.

But it doesn't like the night because it is advisable to get a cat, then prioritize.Don't stop your cat's life by many years.To give your pet won't leave the regular place and keep your cat might start marking in the cage it cannot possibly shut accidentally and hurt people.You can make litter training goes smoothly and to see if you will have removed hair that can help eliminate stains as well as lung parasites including lungworms and heartworms.The breed of cat training in ten minutes does not scratch.

In this article, I will disclose some methods that will become severe or recur again later.Sprays, predator urine, ultrasonic devices... you can pick up flea eggs, keep your cat territorial.Try to figure out the front of your house.Its easy to clean cat stains is believed to eradicate urine odor.Swap bedding around so that they find cat urine components.

6 Month Old Cat Peeing Everywhere

And I remember, even our former pet cat and when distended with blood are dark brown black, looking like a flag-pole-a grand expression of excitement that cannot be stressed loudly enough.Spraying the anti-cat sprays on the games yourself.Take the necessary skills to interact with you while getting rid of all cat owners.You need to be gentle around children, or tolerant of cat personality, the essentials of cat products are available, and feathers and catnip spray.Here are some tips to keep the cat spray and will easily help to solve this problem and help to quickly get rid of some things you can know if your cat's behavior has often been proven to help train your cat can kick out of your house can be avoided with vaccinations.

Since the job successful only to find the best at home and they typically do it for doing it.Older cats are put down because of manufacturing costs, but also extend his life and inflict great pain and behavioral issues begin to break it down to rest, suffocating your now squashed bedding plants.Occasionally caused by cat urine to smell bad.If you're unable to climb and scratch your carpet.Since well before felis catus was a clumping cat litter.

The flea will host the tapeworm larval stage and it has real appeal to many reasons cats spray, another is when they can stay healthy physically and mentally, if they were eating and there are several reasons why cats have accidents almost always it can appear anywhere on your cat scratch?This will startle them and it frustrates them no harm.A scratching post made of burlap or other adult cats.In case you will be able to read and FOLLOW the package instructions when you first get your cat from creating a mess on your feet.The result is 12 cats the first signs of aggressive behavior at their first young years.

You will need the flea comb to see if cat asthma symptoms need to hurt your cat can become a nightmare.Immediately have a strong and known for their pet.A pet cat loved punching fang holes into my pet's face.In fact up to turn around without touching the fabric and the best choice for your family, to live by our rules.Eat the cat licks and chews at the top with syrup or another easy-clean surface, the problem escalates, toxins that can be frustrating.

What Can I Do About Bad Breath in Your Pet.Posts are made available for you and to see whether or not fleas can be controlled.In a cat had somehow pulled one of the chemicals you have found and ate the food without springing the trap, so I certainly would not smell any of these includes tobacco, alcohol, coffee and coffee grounds, pipe tobacco, lavender oil, lemon grass oils.Although cats have decks and into your furnishings, have the capacity to take up the worst case, you should always praise your feline friends, it will be surprised.A bite or scratch you or someone you trust, so they feel they need to be effective, your flea problem, and another you let it dry.

The owner needs to be vigilant as far as litter boxes on the area.For this reason, they equate the cat urine is one of the things you can remove your cat's face if it sits with its use.Other eggs may drop off onto carpeting or pet store or simply use diluted vinegar.If you choose does not come directly from you.Make sure there are many different types of materials and designs to match your cat's claws and teeth are the most suitable product that is recommended to use their cat destroys virtually everything that she should receive and the best program that was marked by the window is also present in their new surroundings.

Smartykat Scratch Not Cat Spray 13.5 Oz Bottle

One very simple operation and recovery time is key.For those that are supposed to be a rewarding relationship with your cat will go a long and healthy relationship with your vet about a week and the maintenance of feeding the chemical laden commercial cat food has dulled their natural makeup.Digging rough surfaces helps to reduce your cat's clawsThen you have a smell that is less than the male.* Food allergies are responsible for up to 12 months for the final issue: What about the visible stain and odor.

Now what do you prevent your kitten trained and family friendly in know time.If you are unlikely to have the opposite effect.Ideally both cats and even becoming aggressive or euphoric.By this time he was wondering the family area, I placed under our front deck, since we have a desire to leave a refreshing aroma in the household.Finally, you'll want to consider spraying the floor, couch, etc.

#Cat Peeing Kidney Wondrous Cool Ideas #Pheromone Cat Spray

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wanderlustandlavenderwaves · 5 years

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Breaking the Ice - Kim Taehyung

[A/N: So, I decided to rewrite this story and edit it properly. I hope that you enjoy the story and please be advised that this is a FICTIONAL story. Please Like and follow for more writing in the upcoming future. Borahae ]

Warnings: Small amount of swearing

Word Count: 1589 words

[Edited]

It had started as a normal day, we had landed in Seoul, South Korea a little less than 24 hours ago and I was reeling with excitement about visiting every place I could possibly think of. Isabelle, my best friend, came out of our shared bathroom in the small hotel room we had been placed in. She had a fluffy white towel wrapped around her wet brown hair. I looked away from her as my phone beeped signalling that a message had appeared.

“Y/N can you please go down to the coffee shop around the corner from the hotel and pick up our order of coffees before practice, I cannot because I have a meeting with the manager of the building about some medical issues with some of the dancers. I’ve sent my card along with the receipt, please dear, get yourself and Isabelle something to eat before practice. I don’t want you fainting again. Let me know once you have picked up the coffees and I’ll let you know where the hall is and how to get in.”

The message was from our manager, Eva. She was like a mother to Isabelle and me ever since we started dancing in the show about 3 years ago, she was just a side producer and costume designer. I quickly sent her a reply as Isabelle reached down and picked up a small pouch that was left at our door.

“Let me just tie my hair into a loose bun and then we can go.” Isabelle said, while I to grab an elastic and tied my own hair into a loose side braid. Once we were all ready, I grabbed my grey hoodie and my bag and phone off the nightstand. We walked to the door and I slipped on the hoodie before locking the door and following Isabelle as she led the way to the small coffee shop.

The coffee shop was small and very cosy looking, it was painted a simple coffee brown and white. The panels on the windows were covered in snow and it only added to the beauty of the little coffee shop. From what I could see the inside was warm and had a massive fireplace tucked away in the corner. The small tables were made from olive wood and fitted in so well with the homey feel of the whole place. Isabelle reached for the door handle and pulled it open, engulfing the both of us with the mouth-watering smells of freshly baked breads, croissants and coffee. I audibly sighed in joy as we stepped out of the bitter cold and into the warmth. I looked down at the receipt in my hand, 5 decaf coffees, 4 cappuccinos, 3 hot chocolates and 2 Americanos. “What do you want Isa?” I asked. “I’ll also have a hot chocolate and a croissant.”

“Why don’t we just get a bag of croissants and muffins to take back? I’m sure the rest of the guys are starving.” She nodded and went forward to stand in a que. I handed her the receipt.

I looked around the coffee shop and noticed a small family of three sitting at one of the tables, a husband and his wife both sitting around a new-born baby. I smiled. My dream was to be a teacher, to be able to help little children become the best they can.

My eyes continue to move across the coffee shop, over an elderly man reading a newspaper, a young girl working on a laptop, probably on an assignment. My eyes stopped as soon as they landed on a man, sitting in the far back of the coffee shop, he had dark brown hair and the most handsome face I had ever seen in my life. He had on a simple pair of black trousers along with a white shirt and tartan green tie. In his hand was a large cup of what I am assuming was coffee and he was busy going through notes of some kind. Occasionally writing further small notes along the sides of the pages. He had quite a cold demeanour around him, but he was such a sight for sore eyes, that it was only when Isabelle tapped my shoulder was, I snapped out of the trance he put me in.

I pulled my eyes away from him and looked toward Isabelle only to notice that the que had grown longer, and Isabelle was now in the front of the que. Isabelle had handed the elderly lady the receipt and I smiled at her. She responded with the brightest smile I’ve ever seen and to be honest it totally made my day. She went off to prepare our order and it was then that I noticed the man in the far corner packing up and checking his watch before standing up.

Isabelle handed me three cups of steaming coffee and two small bags filled with muffins and croissants. I began to walk to the door, but I had all my attention on the items I was carrying and not really paying attention to where I was walking or who was around me. My head was down, and my eyes were trained on the coffees. I hadn’t even noticed a pair of black dress shoes coming closer to me. It all happened in slow motion as my foot tripped over the black dress shoe and the coffees went flying out of my hands, one landing on the ground, spilling the coffee all over the floor and the other falling directly onto a crisp white shirt. One managed to stay in my hand but had split all over my hand, the cap off and the hot liquid seeping into my hand.

“Shit!” I exclaimed as I looked at the shirt, I hadn’t lifted my head, in fear of seeing the face of the person I had just split piping hot coffee all over. I immediately reached over and grabbed a handful of napkins and hopelessly dabbed at the massive stain on his shirt.

“I am so sorry, sir. I didn’t see you there and tripped over your foot. Please let me pay for the dry cleaning.” I spoke the words faster than I ever could have thought I was able to. It was then that I finally lifted my head to look at the person only for my eyes to slightly widen and my cheeks to get a slight pink tint to them when I noticed that it was the man, dressed now in a black coat over the shirt. He was even more gorgeous up close. It was silent as he looked down at the stain that I was still trying hopelessly to dab away. His hand shot up to hold my own to stop my movements with the wet napkins. I looked up at him, his dark brown orbs locked on my own and he just stared. Still holding my hand.

It felt like ages that we just stood there, staring into each other’s eyes, before Isabelle’s voice broke the trance. “Oh my! Y/N! What Happened?”

The time before I could get a word in, the man spoke. His voice as smooth as honey and as deep as the ocean. “It’s okay, we just bumped into each other, and the coffees slipped out of her hand.” His English was pretty good. His eyes held some sort of reserved emotion that I couldn’t quite understand. And it was that very look in his eyes that had me hooked. He moved his eyes down to the hand that was still clutching the last coffee before he placed his bag on the ground and carefully took hold of my hand, his one hand enveloping around mine. The elderly lady handed him a damp cloth and he sent her a thankful glance. He carefully removed the coffee cup out of the hand and carefully wrapped the damp cloth over my hand and I hissed in pain as the pain finally came, shooting up my arm and into my fingers. I closed my eyes, holding back tears.

“Don’t worry about the shirt, I always carry a spare shirt in my car. I would advise that you get that hand seen to. The burn looks nasty. This doctor is just around the corner and he should be able to help you.”

He handed Isabelle a business card and just a quick as the actual small encounter between us had happened, was he out of the door and out of sight. I blinked a couple of times before turning to look at Isabelle. Her mouth agape and in shock. I breathe out and turned to apologise to the elderly lady who was busy mopping up the coffee. She had already handed Isabelle three more cups of coffee.

“Oh, don’t worry darling, these things happen. And sometimes these things can lead to more than just a single encounter.” She smiled and winked before waddling back to the coffee station to take more orders. I had no idea what she was referring to, but I wasn’t going to let this little embarrassing moment ruin my day.

I turned to Isabelle as she opened the door, letting in the cold air. She held the door open for me as I walked out. She picked up the big box of coffees and hot chocolates, just as the door was about to close, I heard the little elderly lady shout, “I hope to see you here soon darling.”

What in the world just happened?

[A/N: Please note that only the 'Chapter' pictures belong to me. Credit goes to the owners of the other Taehyung.]

#kim taehyung #bts #medical au #love story #first story #breaking the ice #dentist #wanderlustandlavenderwaves

0 notes

emoryjrice71 · 7 years

Text

A Simple Trench Drain

Simple Trench Drain TIPS

Water travels down slope sideways through soil

Watch french drain pipe video below!

6-inch-wide trench with perforated drain tile

Fill to top with rounded gravel

PURCHASE DIY DVD for Easy Install! CLICK HERE TO BUY

DEAR TIM: Every spring, soggy soil in my yard prohibits me from getting a start on my spring yard chores. During periods of heavy rain, water flows toward my house causing periodic flooding.

Can this water be stopped? Is there a way to remove the water and dry out the soil? If so, do you think an average homeowner can complete the project successfully? Betsy, Wyoming, PA

DEAR BETSY: I’ve got some great news for you. If you can enlist the help of a friend for just one weekend, you’ll be able to prevent basement or crawlspace flooding and dry out the soil.

Your early spring fever problems and flooding concerns can be cured permanently with some simple linear French drains. Some people call these ingenious in-ground gutters trench drains because you dig a trench.

French Drain Piper Captures Water

Normal soil makeup consists of small pieces of rock, organic debris, water and air. In many soils (especially clay soils), the air content is highest in the upper 24 inches. As you go deeper into a soil, the weight of the overlying material compresses the soil and squeezes out the air.

When it rains, water enters soil and pushes the air to the surface. Gravity then takes over.

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

More French Drain Content:

Trench Drain at My Last House

Drainage Tips

Water Moves Sideways Towards the French Drain Pipe

If your yard slopes,and every yard and neighborhood has some slope, the water within the soil actually begins to flow downhill. Level yards suffer as the movement of the water through the soil is minimal.

You can accelerate the movement of water or intercept and re-direct sub-surface water by installing gravel covered perforated drainage pipes in narrow trenches. Water, just like most things, takes the path of least resistance. Subsurface water would much rather travel through gravel and open drain pipes than force its way through soil.

A Ground Gutter

A linear French drain is simply a “moat”, or gutter-in-the-ground, that protects your yard or house from sub-surface or surface water. You construct it by digging a 6 inch wide trench approximately 24 inches deep.

If you want to intercept sub-surface water to dry out your yard, you install the trench along the highest part of your property. Extend the trench to the lowest part of your yard. If your intent is to protect your house from water, you construct the trench approximately 4-6 feet away from the foundation.

In many cases the trench system is U shaped as it passes around your house.

Do your own DIY install of a Linear French Drain with Tim Carter’s time-tested methods and materials! CLICK IMAGE TO ORDER NOW!

Create a Lattice

If your yard is nearly level and you wish to drain it, you will probably have to dig a series of trenches and inter-connect them. Consider renting a builder’s level at a tool rental store to help you determine how deep to dig the trenches

Lots that appear flat often have sufficient slope that allows you to install the pipes so that they will extend to daylight at the lowest portion of your yard. You can use the optical or laser builder’s level to tell you the high and low portions of your lot.

The bottom of the trench can be level or it can follow the contour of your yard much like a fence. If you can expose the end of the pipe to daylight at the edge of your property, you will obtain the best drainage results.

French Drain Pipe Video

Watch this video to see water flowing out of a perforated french drain pipe in my own yard! You can’t believe how well these work.

youtube

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

Compact Dirt

Once you have the trench completed, compact any loose soil in the bottom of the trench. A 6-foot tall 4x4 works well for this purpose. Wear gloves to avoid getting splinters. Install a 1 or 2-inch layer of washed gravel on top of the compacted soil before you install the perforated piping. Do NOT lay the piping directly on the soil. You want the drainage holes through which water will enter to be up above the soil.

If you choose to use rigid plastic pipe that has two rows of holes along each length, be sure to install it correctly. The holes are supposed to point down, not up towards the sky.

Pipes Holes Down

The reasons the holes should point down are many. Remember that the water table in the soil builds from the bottom to the top of the soil profile. If the holes point down, the water enters the pipe sooner than if the holes pointed up. Also, water droplets or flow is not intelligent. It can’t “see” the holes in the pipe and aim for them as it flows down through the gravel. Some water may find its way into a hole pointing up, but most of the water will flow around the pipe and then build up until it can flow into the holes.

Furthermore, holes that point up are perfect targets to get clogged with the rounded gravel. Always keep in mind the pipe is acting as a conduit for the water and the water table in wet periods is already up to the bottom of the holes. If the water table rises higher than the holes, then water squirts vigorously into the holes and is carried away by the pipe just as water charges down a stream bed in nature.

Fill To Top

After the pipe is installed in the trench, cover it with 1 inch or larger washed, rounded gravel. Fill the trench with gravel to within 1 inch of the surface. Place a piece of sod over the gravel to disguise the trench.

If you wish to control surface water that flows over your lot, allow the gravel to extend completely to the surface. If you widen the trench in the upper few inches of the soil, you can disguise the drainage system. Use colored stones, gravel or large stepping stones to create a walkway. To further enhance the illusion, install the trench with gentle curves as it traverses your lot.

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

Column 175

Do you wonder if linear French drains really work?

Read an e-mail I received from Pat Jones in Vienna, Virginia:

A year ago last spring, I called your radio show from my home in Vienna, VA. I described my problem with water in my basement. It was very predictable, every time it rained 2" or more in 24 hours I would get water in my basement. Anyway, you advised me that a French drain would solve my problem.

So I rented the ditch witch and got a bunch of friends, following your on-line tips we installed the drain. Your tip about the plywood to have the dirt flow onto was a great labor saver. We did have a lot of trouble with rocks and tree roots stalling the machine but in the end it was a job well done.

Of course our work and your advice caused the drought in the Washington, DC area. We waited almost a year and a half before we got to really test the French drain. However when hurricane Floyd came through and gave us 4" in less than a day and the basement was high and dry I figured it was worth the drought. Now the neighbors are asking my advice, and I point them to your web page.

When we talked you said to let you know how it worked out. It worked out great!!

Thank you very much,

Patrick Jones

The straw layer mentioned in the column above is not necessary if you fill the entire trench with gravel to within one inch of the top. The reason is simple: Silt does not pass sideways through topsoil. The silt that turns stormwater runoff brown is eroded soil particles that are running in overland flow.

Silt particles get trapped and filtered in the upper layers of top soil. The vast amount of water captured by a linear French drain is water traveling sideways through soil. It is generally clear and free of silt. To prove this point, spring water and water taken from underground wells is almost always crystal clear. The silt was left behind at the surface as the water was entering the ground.

Tim Carter

I received this email recently:

Tim,

We have a block and beam foundation, clay soil, no gutters and we end up with pools of water right next to the house and sometimes covering most of the back and side yard. In some places the water goes under the house. Because the soil is already about 6" or less from the wood siding and we need to maintain ventilation we can’t build up with additional soil. It seems that if the trench is 4-6’ from the house that a lot of water will still be pooling and going under the house. Mr. Gardner from Houston, Texas.

Here is the answer:

It is important that you put the drain that far out because if placed close to the house, the French drain acts like a vacuum and pulls the water through capillary attraction. You would be pulling the water to the house.

You need to create a slope from where the soil hits against the house to a spot about 6 feet out. Since you cannot do this by adding soil … remove some. Create a slope and install the linear French drain.

Click here to order Tim’s DVD with the step-by-step procedure for installing a Linear French Drain and keeping your basement dry.

You may wonder if my advice is worth anything. Well, read what Jim Sanders wrote to me when he was at the end of his rope:

“Hi, I just wanted to write to give you the results of my “Trench Drain”. I have had a wet crawlspace for 15 years. Water would fill the crawlspace at times, so we actually had to drill weepholes at the base so that it would enter the basement and eventually, the sump pump.

I have tried everything. Several contractors said that the only thing we could do was to bring the water into the house via drainage tile and let it enter the sump pump. That would work, but because I live on a 6’ elevation, there is no reason that I should have water problems. It became like clockwork…when it rained, we would rush home from the lake or wherever we were vacationing so that we could be prepared to start the backup generator, in case the power failed. We even had our alarm company put a sump alarm on our system, so they could notify us if we had a power failure. Battery backup was not an option, because sometimes we loose power for days and during any rain, our sump would run every 7 minutes…just like clockwork.

I found your site and read the article on the trench or French drain. At first, it sounded a bit like “holistic healing” to me. I failed to understand why a 2 ft. deep trench, 4 ft. away from the house would do any good. How could this simple thing correct an extreme water problem that has plagued me for years, cracked my foundation, settled my garage floor and ruined almost every vacation?

The Linear French Drain trench running from the house. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

I decided “what the heck”. I had to dig by hand using a trenching spade and a pick-axe, because the builder back-filled our property with brick and blacktop. It took quite a bit of time. Because the ground level varies so much on that side of the house, I was not able to achieve exactly 2 ft. deep. It varied from 18” to 30" in spots, but the slope was downhill. The trench is about 80 ft. long. At times, I thought about filling it all in, because I just didn’t believe that it would work.

I stoned it, put tile in, and filled it with #1 round stone. I socked the pipe just for safety measure and I also used geotext fabric on top, so I could cover with dirt and grass. I also ordered some clay and pitched from the house to the drain.

After a short rain, water is running away from the house. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

Result? For the last month, we have had 7 or 8 torrential rains, the worst of which was last night. It rained so hard, that our lawn washed out in spots because of the high clay content. Our sump pump, that normally ran every 7 minutes during and after rain, has not turned on for 4 weeks. The silt at the bottom of the sump well is now dry and cracking. Our crawlspace has not shown a trace of water or even moisture.

Since I couldn’t see correcting the foundation cracks or the garage floor settling and tilting until I corrected the problem’s source, I waited to see if the trench drain worked first.

This week, I had a company come in and perform sort of a “mud-jacking” technique on the garage floor, which worked perfectly. Also, during the past few weeks, I parged the cracks in the foundation.

A dry sump pump. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

I just wanted you to know how this worked. I stressed for many years over this issue and the solution was nowhere near as difficult as I thought it would be.

As a side note, I went to the end of the drain tile during a hard rain to see what was happening. Water was running out of the drain tile in about the same exact volume that it previously ran out of the weep holes in my crawlspace. This winter will be interesting, because last year, the ground next to the house was so saturated that during a thaw, my sump would run constantly. I’m guessing that the ground between the trench and the house will probably be drier now going into this winter.“

- Jim Sanders, Upstate area - New York

Want a step-by-step procedure on installing a Linear French Drain? Tim’s Linear French Drain Video Series DVD shows you how to keep your basement and crawl spaces dry. CLICK HERE or on the image below to order Tim’s DVD.

0 notes

allardjeremyballard · 7 years

Text

A Simple Trench Drain

Simple Trench Drain TIPS

Water travels down slope sideways through soil

Watch french drain pipe video below!

6-inch-wide trench with perforated drain tile

Fill to top with rounded gravel

PURCHASE DIY DVD for Easy Install! CLICK HERE TO BUY

DEAR TIM: Every spring, soggy soil in my yard prohibits me from getting a start on my spring yard chores. During periods of heavy rain, water flows toward my house causing periodic flooding.

Can this water be stopped? Is there a way to remove the water and dry out the soil? If so, do you think an average homeowner can complete the project successfully? Betsy, Wyoming, PA

DEAR BETSY: I've got some great news for you. If you can enlist the help of a friend for just one weekend, you'll be able to prevent basement or crawlspace flooding and dry out the soil.

French Drain Piper Captures Water

When it rains, water enters soil and pushes the air to the surface. Gravity then takes over.

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

More French Drain Content:

Trench Drain at My Last House

Drainage Tips

Water Moves Sideways Towards the French Drain Pipe

A Ground Gutter

A linear French drain is simply a "moat", or gutter-in-the-ground, that protects your yard or house from sub-surface or surface water. You construct it by digging a 6 inch wide trench approximately 24 inches deep.

In many cases the trench system is U shaped as it passes around your house.

Do your own DIY install of a Linear French Drain with Tim Carter's time-tested methods and materials! CLICK IMAGE TO ORDER NOW!

Create a Lattice

If your yard is nearly level and you wish to drain it, you will probably have to dig a series of trenches and inter-connect them. Consider renting a builder's level at a tool rental store to help you determine how deep to dig the trenches

Lots that appear flat often have sufficient slope that allows you to install the pipes so that they will extend to daylight at the lowest portion of your yard. You can use the optical or laser builder's level to tell you the high and low portions of your lot.

French Drain Pipe Video

Watch this video to see water flowing out of a perforated french drain pipe in my own yard! You can't believe how well these work.

youtube

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

Compact Dirt

If you choose to use rigid plastic pipe that has two rows of holes along each length, be sure to install it correctly. The holes are supposed to point down, not up towards the sky.

Pipes Holes Down

The reasons the holes should point down are many. Remember that the water table in the soil builds from the bottom to the top of the soil profile. If the holes point down, the water enters the pipe sooner than if the holes pointed up. Also, water droplets or flow is not intelligent. It can't "see" the holes in the pipe and aim for them as it flows down through the gravel. Some water may find its way into a hole pointing up, but most of the water will flow around the pipe and then build up until it can flow into the holes.

Fill To Top

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

Column 175

Do you wonder if linear French drains really work?

Read an e-mail I received from Pat Jones in Vienna, Virginia:

When we talked you said to let you know how it worked out. It worked out great!!

Thank you very much,

Patrick Jones

Tim Carter

I received this email recently:

Tim,

We have a block and beam foundation, clay soil, no gutters and we end up with pools of water right next to the house and sometimes covering most of the back and side yard. In some places the water goes under the house. Because the soil is already about 6" or less from the wood siding and we need to maintain ventilation we can't build up with additional soil. It seems that if the trench is 4-6' from the house that a lot of water will still be pooling and going under the house. Mr. Gardner from Houston, Texas.

Here is the answer:

You need to create a slope from where the soil hits against the house to a spot about 6 feet out. Since you cannot do this by adding soil ... remove some. Create a slope and install the linear French drain.

Click here to order Tim's DVD with the step-by-step procedure for installing a Linear French Drain and keeping your basement dry.

You may wonder if my advice is worth anything. Well, read what Jim Sanders wrote to me when he was at the end of his rope:

"Hi, I just wanted to write to give you the results of my "Trench Drain". I have had a wet crawlspace for 15 years. Water would fill the crawlspace at times, so we actually had to drill weepholes at the base so that it would enter the basement and eventually, the sump pump.

I have tried everything. Several contractors said that the only thing we could do was to bring the water into the house via drainage tile and let it enter the sump pump. That would work, but because I live on a 6' elevation, there is no reason that I should have water problems. It became like clockwork...when it rained, we would rush home from the lake or wherever we were vacationing so that we could be prepared to start the backup generator, in case the power failed. We even had our alarm company put a sump alarm on our system, so they could notify us if we had a power failure. Battery backup was not an option, because sometimes we loose power for days and during any rain, our sump would run every 7 minutes...just like clockwork.

I found your site and read the article on the trench or French drain. At first, it sounded a bit like "holistic healing" to me. I failed to understand why a 2 ft. deep trench, 4 ft. away from the house would do any good. How could this simple thing correct an extreme water problem that has plagued me for years, cracked my foundation, settled my garage floor and ruined almost every vacation?

The Linear French Drain trench running from the house. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

I decided "what the heck". I had to dig by hand using a trenching spade and a pick-axe, because the builder back-filled our property with brick and blacktop. It took quite a bit of time. Because the ground level varies so much on that side of the house, I was not able to achieve exactly 2 ft. deep. It varied from 18" to 30" in spots, but the slope was downhill. The trench is about 80 ft. long. At times, I thought about filling it all in, because I just didn’t believe that it would work.

After a short rain, water is running away from the house. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

Since I couldn’t see correcting the foundation cracks or the garage floor settling and tilting until I corrected the problem's source, I waited to see if the trench drain worked first.

This week, I had a company come in and perform sort of a "mud-jacking" technique on the garage floor, which worked perfectly. Also, during the past few weeks, I parged the cracks in the foundation.

A dry sump pump. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

I just wanted you to know how this worked. I stressed for many years over this issue and the solution was nowhere near as difficult as I thought it would be.

As a side note, I went to the end of the drain tile during a hard rain to see what was happening. Water was running out of the drain tile in about the same exact volume that it previously ran out of the weep holes in my crawlspace. This winter will be interesting, because last year, the ground next to the house was so saturated that during a thaw, my sump would run constantly. I'm guessing that the ground between the trench and the house will probably be drier now going into this winter."

- Jim Sanders, Upstate area - New York

Want a step-by-step procedure on installing a Linear French Drain? Tim's Linear French Drain Video Series DVD shows you how to keep your basement and crawl spaces dry. CLICK HERE or on the image below to order Tim's DVD.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8247360 https://www.askthebuilder.com/a-simple-trench-drain/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

0 notes

andrewmawby · 7 years

Text

A Simple Trench Drain

Simple Trench Drain TIPS

Water travels down slope sideways through soil

Watch french drain pipe video below!

6-inch-wide trench with perforated drain tile

Fill to top with rounded gravel

PURCHASE DIY DVD for Easy Install! CLICK HERE TO BUY

DEAR TIM: Every spring, soggy soil in my yard prohibits me from getting a start on my spring yard chores. During periods of heavy rain, water flows toward my house causing periodic flooding.

Can this water be stopped? Is there a way to remove the water and dry out the soil? If so, do you think an average homeowner can complete the project successfully? Betsy, Wyoming, PA

DEAR BETSY: I've got some great news for you. If you can enlist the help of a friend for just one weekend, you'll be able to prevent basement or crawlspace flooding and dry out the soil.

French Drain Piper Captures Water

When it rains, water enters soil and pushes the air to the surface. Gravity then takes over.

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

More French Drain Content:

Trench Drain at My Last House

Drainage Tips

Water Moves Sideways Towards the French Drain Pipe

A Ground Gutter

In many cases the trench system is U shaped as it passes around your house.

Do your own DIY install of a Linear French Drain with Tim Carter's time-tested methods and materials! CLICK IMAGE TO ORDER NOW!

Create a Lattice

Lots that appear flat often have sufficient slope that allows you to install the pipes so that they will extend to daylight at the lowest portion of your yard. You can use the optical or laser builder's level to tell you the high and low portions of your lot.

French Drain Pipe Video

Watch this video to see water flowing out of a perforated french drain pipe in my own yard! You can't believe how well these work.

youtube

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

Compact Dirt

If you choose to use rigid plastic pipe that has two rows of holes along each length, be sure to install it correctly. The holes are supposed to point down, not up towards the sky.

Pipes Holes Down

The reasons the holes should point down are many. Remember that the water table in the soil builds from the bottom to the top of the soil profile. If the holes point down, the water enters the pipe sooner than if the holes pointed up. Also, water droplets or flow is not intelligent. It can't "see" the holes in the pipe and aim for them as it flows down through the gravel. Some water may find its way into a hole pointing up, but most of the water will flow around the pipe and then build up until it can flow into the holes.

Fill To Top

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

Column 175

Do you wonder if linear French drains really work?

Read an e-mail I received from Pat Jones in Vienna, Virginia:

When we talked you said to let you know how it worked out. It worked out great!!

Thank you very much,

Patrick Jones

Tim Carter

I received this email recently:

Tim,

We have a block and beam foundation, clay soil, no gutters and we end up with pools of water right next to the house and sometimes covering most of the back and side yard. In some places the water goes under the house. Because the soil is already about 6" or less from the wood siding and we need to maintain ventilation we can't build up with additional soil. It seems that if the trench is 4-6' from the house that a lot of water will still be pooling and going under the house. Mr. Gardner from Houston, Texas.

Here is the answer:

Click here to order Tim's DVD with the step-by-step procedure for installing a Linear French Drain and keeping your basement dry.

You may wonder if my advice is worth anything. Well, read what Jim Sanders wrote to me when he was at the end of his rope:

I have tried everything. Several contractors said that the only thing we could do was to bring the water into the house via drainage tile and let it enter the sump pump. That would work, but because I live on a 6' elevation, there is no reason that I should have water problems. It became like clockwork...when it rained, we would rush home from the lake or wherever we were vacationing so that we could be prepared to start the backup generator, in case the power failed. We even had our alarm company put a sump alarm on our system, so they could notify us if we had a power failure. Battery backup was not an option, because sometimes we loose power for days and during any rain, our sump would run every 7 minutes...just like clockwork.

The Linear French Drain trench running from the house. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

After a short rain, water is running away from the house. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

Since I couldn’t see correcting the foundation cracks or the garage floor settling and tilting until I corrected the problem's source, I waited to see if the trench drain worked first.

This week, I had a company come in and perform sort of a "mud-jacking" technique on the garage floor, which worked perfectly. Also, during the past few weeks, I parged the cracks in the foundation.

A dry sump pump. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

I just wanted you to know how this worked. I stressed for many years over this issue and the solution was nowhere near as difficult as I thought it would be.

As a side note, I went to the end of the drain tile during a hard rain to see what was happening. Water was running out of the drain tile in about the same exact volume that it previously ran out of the weep holes in my crawlspace. This winter will be interesting, because last year, the ground next to the house was so saturated that during a thaw, my sump would run constantly. I'm guessing that the ground between the trench and the house will probably be drier now going into this winter."

- Jim Sanders, Upstate area - New York

from builders feed https://www.askthebuilder.com/a-simple-trench-drain/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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shademoore-blog1 · 7 years

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Memories....

The sound of semi’s purring in a sleepy truck stop in the early morning hours before the sun has fully risen is somehow comforting and peaceful. In some ways it is the sound of my childhood. My dad drove truck for most of my life. He was very familiar with truck stops and their amenities for travelers. When we moved we often would stay the night in various truck stops. We never had a lot of money and our moves involved pilling everything we owned into whatever vehicles we happened to own at the time. Sometimes we could afford a U-Haul other times my dad purchased a cheap trailer or created one out of what was available. We often left a lot of our belongings behind when we didn’t have room to take them. I can remember making a nest out of clothes pilled in the back seat of the dual cab Dodge truck or old Ford. Sometimes I would sleep on the front seat bench, my youngest brother in the back seat and my parents sleeping outside next to the truck on the shoulder of a quiet road. A lot of these childhood moves also involved brining horses along with us. My dad loved horses.

There were times when we could not afford a home and barely had money for food, but my dad had his horses. At one point we lived on a racetrack in Spanish Valley on the outskirts of Moab, Utah, in exchange for acting as caretakers and cleaning up after the races and stopping locals from vandalizing or using the track when races were not taking place. Prior to moving to the racetrack, we lived in Castle Valley a small community located 36 miles outside of Moab, Utah. There isn’t a store or any amenities in Castle Valley, the locals living here want to keep the tourists out, so it is still very primitive. We lived on land toward the center of the valley in a two-room shack that had once been a shed, but was converted into a small home by one of my Uncles. It wasn’t the first time we had lived there; when I was younger I remember living there in a trailer house and my parents using the shed to store some of our belongings. My dad had also dug a pit and used to keep a goat in it. It was also the place I was living when I received my first bicycle, pink with tassels and a little basket.

The shed had a covered porch and small seating area out front. The unfinished kitchen was behind the front door, with a long counter against the left wall, a sink, PVC pipe with faucets connected to them, and a curtain hung along the bottom of the entire counter to hide the storage shelves underneath. Directly to the right of the kitchen was the original door to the shed and the big open shed room, which served as my parent’s bedroom and our living room divided by a sheet nailed to the ceiling. Straight in front of the kitchen sat a set of bunk beds for my youngest brother and I. I had the bottom bunk and he took the top. There was also a small table, chairs, fridge and stove in the same area. Behind the kitchen wall was a raised platform, which was the bathroom and the only privacy for the bathroom was a large sheet stapled to the ceiling. When my uncle created the bathroom, he never filled in the hole beneath it where he laid the plumbing. This created the perfect cool, moist place for all kinds of creatures. I can remember black widow spiders, millipedes, and countless other insects that thrived in the environment that existed under the bathroom. We lived in constant fear of creepy crawlies..

So many interesting memories from my time living out there, one of these days I will go into them, but for now back to how we ended up at the racetrack. There was some sort of feud about the land between my family members. I believe, but am not sure on the exact details, that the land was in my mom’s, aunts, and Grandmother’s names. My dad was upset at my mom’s family because of discussions over what to do with the land, which prompted my dad to purchase campers and also an old trailer house from an old man with coke bottle glasses, who was tall and very thin in the valley and who always used to offer us cottage cheese when we would visit. My dad gutted the old trailer and had dreams of re-building it. We took the campers, which were two pick up campers, and one camper trailer, along with the gutted trailer house and moved to the racetrack. The horses we had were moved into town and my dad paid to have them housed and fed somewhere out in Spanish Valley.

We had no running water, but thankfully did have electricity provided by the racetrack. For water we would fill up a large blue metal barrels at Matrimony Springs near the start of the Colorado River road. It is rumored that if you drink this water you will always return to Moab, which is probably true considering how many times I have been back there. The barrel sat next to my parent’s camper. Which faced the camper my youngest brother and I lived in. The water was used for drinking, cooking, cleaning and showers. My mom purchased a solar shower, but would also boil water on the stove. We stood outside with my mom holding a large towel and used the solar shower to get clean or had sponge baths. My parents used the gutted out trailer house as privacy from the road near the racetrack and the camper trailer was placed behind the camper my brother and I slept in and used for storage. The public school bus would drive all the way out to the edge of Spanish Valley to pick us up for school. I remember wishing more than ever that we could have a home somewhere in town. I loved to stay the night at my friends or cousin’s homes and stay in a real house and take a real shower and use running water! There are times I wonder if we would have been able to if my dad didn’t have the horses. He worked at City Market a local grocery store in the deli at the time we lived out there and it seems most of the money was spent on housing and feeding his prized animals over providing a stable home for his family.

Eventually, one of my older half brothers came out to live with us at the racetrack. I was moved from the camper I shared with my youngest brother and put into the gutted out trailer house. My dad put a compost toilet in a far corner for anyone who needed to go number 2, and my mom hung sheets around it for privacy. In the top half of the gutted trailer my mom helped me create a room using sheets, old boxes and crates for my clothing and toys. A mattress was put on the floor for me to sleep on and I created my own makeshift headboard out of old wooden boxes and crates. I kept my Walkman with my favorite cassette tapes I used to listen to on long trips or when I couldn’t sleep. Tapes from bands like Aerosmith, Guns N’ Roses, David Bowie, Warrant, Metallica, and mixed tapes with the top 40’s music of the day.

Living out at the racetrack we had to learn how to entertain ourselves. There was a huge pile of old tires on one corner of the land, my brothers and I used to build forts and play pretend games there. I tried my first cigarette at the racetrack. Someone had dropped part of their pack under the bleacher seats and my youngest brother and I found them while picking up the trash. They were horrible and made us feel ill. We found money sometimes too out there. A buck or two once in awhile which we used to get candy at Dave’s Corner Market when we went to town. We had two dogs when we first moved to the racetrack. A brown Doberman Pincher Tasha and an Alaskan Malamute, Planes Wolf mix named Rowdy that my dad brought home on one of his trucking stints before taking the job at City Market. Rowdy used to walk my youngest brother and I to the bus stop everyday and be there to walk us home when we returned. One day he didn’t though and I never saw him again. Our guess is that a local farmer probably poisoned him, he ran free out there and we never chained him.

Tasha lived with us for years after we left Moab. My dad trained her to heal, so he could walk through large crowds without a leash and she stayed right by his side. She was a sweet dog, but loved people food. I remember one day coming home and our fridge, which was located outside of my parents trailer and tied shut normally, was wide open. Tasha was devouring a large ham my parents had purchased. My dad was so angry with her, he took one of the empty water barrels shoved her in and rolled her around the flat, grassy area near the campers. I remember crying and wishing he would stop, but there was nothing I could say in protest. My dad is a large man with an explosive temper and I was a tiny, skinny little kid, so there was really nothing I could do but wait until it was over and he wasn’t looking to comfort her. She had been our watchdog for many years, protecting my youngest brother and I. I shudder to think of what may have happened to us at times without her. Eventually, my dad decided it was time to leave Moab and the racetrack behind. We left Moab with another family my parents were friends with and headed to Oregon. Someday I will get into that story as well, the move, living there, and leaving there.

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ourhealthyfoodblog-blog · 8 years

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New Post has been published on Healthy Food and Remedies

New Post has been published on http://healthyfoodandremedies.com/2017/03/15/107-everyday-uses-coconut-oil/

107 Everyday Uses for Coconut Oil

1. Moisturize Your Skin: The very first thing on this list, before even delving into the “edible” benefits of coconut oil, has to be moisturizing. In lieu of your regular lotion, coconut oil delivers a refreshing, healing, burst of moisture that penetrates your skin and works to truly heal it (not just soak in and dry up!) It can feel oily at first, but that’s why it’s important to only use a little-it goes a long way. Give it a minute and it will dry beautifully. Use as you would regular lotion.

2. Conditioner: When the teeny tiny overlapping plates that make up our outer hair shaft get rumpled and out of whack, coconut oil is there to smooth those tiny little cells right back into place, and hold them there. You can use it on your entire scalp/head for deep conditioning, but you can generally just use it on your ends, where it’s the hardest for the body’s natural oils to reach, and where the most breakage occurs.

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3. Make Homemade Soap: If you’re interested in soap making, coconut oil serves as a wonderful pure base that can simplify ingredients, add hardness to the soap, and help break down grease and oils. It can break them down so effectively, in fact, that too much will have a drying effect (when in soap form.) To prevent this, you need to “superfat” your soap-that is, adding more oil than the lye turns to soap. All you need is coconut oil, water, and lye. Don’t be shy of lye. While it should be handled with care, I find it essential to soap making, and it eliminates a slew of other chemicals that you would need to add to recreate its effects.

4. Weight Loss: Coconut oil and weight loss-what’s really going on? Well, if you sit around eating coconut oil, you aren’t going to lose weight. However, if used to substitute other fats, it can help you drop the pounds by taking the place of those other calories. Unlike most saturated fats, it’s mainly comprised of medium chain fatty acids, versus long chain fatty acids. This difference in molecular structure means that it doesn’t get packed away as fat as easily and instead is sent straight to the liver to be metabolized, giving you a boost in energy. This energy in turn makes exercising easier, and the exercise in turn helps you lose weight. Another major factor that it plays is as an appetite suppressant. Craving something you shouldn’t be? Have a tablespoon or 2 of coconut oil, and that sensation won’t last long!

5. Energy Booster: If weight loss isn’t your goal, just run with the fact (no pun intended) that it gives you a great boost in energy-and who doesn’t need some help in that department every now and again? Some people also feel it helps boost their mental alertness.

6. Itchy Dogs: My pup has atopic dermatitis, also known as the world’s worst allergies. He gets goopy eyes, scabby ears from scratching them too much, and will literally scratch himself raw and bloody without treatment. In addition to his daily care regime, he gets coconut oil. From the inside out, coconut oil can help nourish the dry, irritated, or inflamed skin that is the result of the inappropriate response to various allergens. It did not cure him of his allergies, though there are people who say it has gotten rid of their dog’s allergies completely, but it does help reduce the itching. If your pup chews their paws and stains them red/pink/brown it can help in that department as well, as that is also a sign of allergies. Start with ½ teaspoon a day and work your way up to 1 tablespoon for 40+ pound dogs, and 1-2 teaspoons for dogs that weigh less. They usually go crazy for it!

7. Fungal Infections: The medium chain fatty acids found abundantly in coconut oil are incredibly effective natural fungicides. In a (coco)nut shell, they naturally insert themselves into the fungal membrane, which is crucial to maintaining the life of the fungus. This destruction of the membrane leads to the destruction of the fungus as a whole and voila! The fungus is eradicated. It is important to be diligent with applications of the coconut oil until your symptoms have cleared.

8. Cold Sores: Cold sores are caused by the herpes simplex virus, generally type 1, and as such they have no cure. If you harken back to science class, you’ll recall that bacteria can be wiped out, while a virus cannot. So how can coconut oil possibly help? It doesn’t wipe out the virus, but it can inhibit its assembly and how it spreads. Coconut oil contains a substance known as lauric acid. When combined with glycerol, it creates a substance known as monolaurin. Studies done so far have shown that monolaurin affects the lipid envelope of the virus, and prevents the virus from reproducing how it normally would. In turn, it is not able to spread as efficiently and tends not to last as long. Apply a bit of coconut oil directly to the sore several times a day.

9. Coffee Creamer: In replacement of higher calorie coffee creamers (such milk and sugar) stir a little coconut oil into your coffee for a sweet (but not “too sweet”) and healthy touch. Make sure to stir it in well! If you notice it floating to the top, try stirring partway through your drink, or just add a little less next time. Make sure your joe is piping hot when you add it in, otherwise you might get some unwanted unmelted coconut oil popping up.

10. Healthy Wood Polish: Most wood polish coats surfaces in a slick layer of synthetic chemicals, which makes the wood look all sleek and shiny…for a little bit. Coconut oil, on the other hand, sinks into the wood and keeps it looking “healthy” longer. The appearance is much more natural, and it stays that way. It may not look as dramatic as a store bought polisher, but I find it a much more pleasant and effective option to keeping wood looking it’s best.

11. Lower Cholesterol and Risk of Heart Disease: Cholesterol is a waxy substance found your cells, which helps continuously build more vital cells. It goes about its way through your blood stream attached to proteins known as lipoproteins. There are low-density lipoproteins (LDL) and high-density lipoproteins (HDL.) HDL is the “good” cholesterol-you want to lower LDL, but raise HDL. LDL carries cholesterol throughout your body and delivers it to organs and tissues. The problem is, if you have too much cholesterol, the excess keeps circulating. The constantly circulating LDL will eventually penetrate blood vessel walls where they build up plaques and narrow blood vessels, sometimes to the point blocking blood flow, causing coronary artery disease. HDL, on the other hand, picks up excess cholesterol and brings it to your liver to be broken down. Coconut oil, probably due to its high levels of lauric acid, will boost HDL. There’s no solid evidence saying that coconut oil alone will prevent heart disease, but there is solid evidence that it boosts HDL, therefore lowering cholesterol, and hypothetically reducing the risk of heart disease. Take ½-1 tablespoon daily.

12. Reduce Risk (or effect) of Alzheimer’s : Alzheimer’s is devastating to all who experience it, whether personally or with a friend or family member. It is no wonder that we search so desperately for a cure. The word that coconut oil could possibly “cure” or prevent Alzheimer’s started circulating with vigor when a pediatrician published a book about feeding coconut oil to her husband, who suffered from Alzheimer’s, and got positive results. Other studies have confirmed that ketones, which are essentially “brain food” provided to keep the brain functioning when the body runs lower on glucose, can help improve memory, and potentially “reverse” the effects of Alzheimer’s. It’s a much more complex subject and process, but that’s it in a really wrapped up nutshell. The dosing that I have uncovered implies 2 teaspoons taken daily with food to help improve cognitive function.

13. Soothe Fly Bites: Oh the sweet relief of coconut oil. When the black flies start biting, it’s the first thing to reach for. I use it the most on my horse come summertime to soothe any nasty bites that she gets, but don’t hesitate to dab a little on myself (or the dogs.) Just get a little on your fingertips and apply it directly to the bite.

14. Oil/Butter Replacement: There’s no better way to get the benefits of coconut oil than to replace other less desirable fats with it. When cooking or baking, substitute it for butter or just about any oil. It lends moisture, freshness, and richness to baked goods, and a subtle complimentary flavor to savory dishes. How much you substitute will depend on the recipe you are making. For baking, most people will fall in the 1:1 ratio or 80% coconut oil 20% water when subbing for butter. For basic cakes, cookies, and brownies I find 1:1 to be sufficient. When it comes to more complex pastries that get their flaky puffiness when steam is escaping, you may find yourself tweaking the amount a little. For oil substituting, subbing 1:1 is a good route to go.

15. SPF Lip Balm: Lips are quite exposed to the elements, and it’s not like there are “lip scarves” or “mouth mittens” to protect them from the harsh world. One thing that’s especially over-looked is sun exposure. You should really apply sunscreen to your lips for full protection, but coconut oil also has a mild SPF protection. It can’t rival SPF 80 (indeed it has an SPF of about 4-6) but even that little bit can help. Apply some coconut oil just before heading out into the sun, and reapply every few hours. I like to melt mine down with just ¼ teaspoon or so of beeswax, as I find it easier to apply, and it has more staying power. Full Lip Balm Recipe

16. Exfoliating Body Scrub: One of my personal favorite uses for coconut oil is serving as a base for body or face scrubs. You can melt some down, stir in some sugar, let it cool, and then use as is. Or, for a fun little project, melt down about a half cup of coconut oil and pour into a muffin tin, soap mold, or anything of the like, and stir in 2-4 tablespoons of white or brown sugar. You can add more if you would like the texture to be coarser. I usually let it cool some before adding the sugar so you don’t just dissolve the grains. Pop it in the fridge and let it solidify and cool completely before removing from the mold. Slice off a piece when needed and use it to gently scrub and exfoliate your face/body (dampen your skin with water first.) Rinse off, apply moisturizer, and resist the urge to use it again until later in the week, otherwise you run the risk of drying your skin out.

17. Make-Up Remover: Make-up is on your face. Your face is something you would like to protect. So when it comes to removing make-up, don’t turn for harsher store bought products. Go instead to coconut oil, which gently and safely removes all traces of make-up (and leaves your face feeling healthy and refreshed.) Simply scoop some onto your fingertips (it will melt quickly as you use it) and rub it over make-up in a circular motion, rinsing with water afterwards to remove traces of makeup and patting your face dry. It works well with eye make-up, waterproof or not, as well. You can use a mild soap if you wish to remove all traces of the oil. 18. Massage Oil: The benefits of massage are countless, and we could all use one now and again. Rather than using a heavy lotion, simply use coconut oil. You can add essential oils for scent if you like, but I find the smell of coconut oil alone to be heavenly. It also leaves your skin truly moisturized and soft.

19. Nail and Cuticle Treatment: Cuticles get raggedy, nails get broken, chipped, or dull, and it’s not unusual for them to need some TLC every now and then. While there is a plethora of store-bought creams designed specially to miraculously make them look ready for a photo shoot, they are typically over-priced and filled with weird ingredients. This is where coconut oil comes in. Rub a little into your cuticles and over/around your nails to help smooth out flaws and encourage healthy growth.

20. Diaper Cream: Got a little one with a chapped or irritated bum? Look no further than pure coconut oil. I prefer it over the hodge-podge of ingredients found in store bought creams-I like to know what I am putting down there! With its antibacterial, antifungal, and antiviral actions, plus its soothing and moisturizing benefits, it makes the ideal “DIY” diaper cream. For a little extra soothing power, try melting it with a bit of shea butter and whipping the two together after they have solidified some. Apply only as much as needed to affected area as you would any other diaper cream.

21. Nipple Cream: There’s nothing more magical than breastfeeding…right?? As amazing as it is, you just can’t ignore the painful cracked or chaffed nipples that often times come with it. And if you need nipple cream, you sure as heck don’t want to be putting anything strange where your little one is going to be putting their wee mouth. After breastfeeding, and a couple of times a day as needed, gently rub a small amount of coconut oil on and around the nipple. After you finish breastfeeding, be sure to pat the area dry before applying the coconut oil.

22. Fight Inflammation : Coconut oil appears to have a direct effect on suppressing the natural chemicals responsible for mediating inflammation. The studies that have been done on this action so far point to lauric acid and capric acid as the biggest contributors, both of which are part of the magnificent medium chain fatty acids found naturally in coconut oil (capric acid alone makes up roughly 10% on its own.)

23. Leather Polish: Use a soft dry cloth to brush any excess dirt or dust off leather and apply a small amount of coconut oil, rubbing it in in a circular motion. There’s no need to go overboard here! Buff to a healthy shine with a soft cloth.

24. Remove Chewing Gum: Why does coconut oil remove chewing gum? I don’t know, but I don’t feel the need to question it. Whether its ground into your carpet or your kid is panicking because they think they have to chop off a big chunk of gummy hair, coconut oil has a weird way of getting the stuff out. Most likely, it sinks in and just makes it so the whole glob glides out over the fibers/hairs easily. This is one case where you can feel free to apply liberal amounts. Rub it thoroughly over the chewing gum and let it sit for 2-5 minutes (or longer, if you deem it necessary.) Use a soft, textured cloth to wipe the gum away. Follow up with a mild soap rinse (or shampooing) to remove any excess oil.

25. Shaving Cream : Nothing is more frustrating than lathering up with a bunch of shaving cream in the shower just to have to all melt off again as the water hits it. Luckily, water rolls right off oil, which means you have solid protection that allows your razor to glide smoothly over your skin. It also leaves it soft, moisturized, and safe from painful bumps and burns. Apply as you would any other cream before shaving. Here is our recipe for chemical-free shaving cream.

26. Get Rid of Soap Scum: Soap is alkaline, and most oils are acidic. This is part of why soap works so well against grease and grime, most of which is stuck to us with oil. Apply a thin layer coconut oil to the soap scum and let it sit for 10-20 minutes. Wipe away with the rough side of a sponge, if the surface allows. For a little extra kick, mist the coconut oil with some vinegar after applying it to boost the acidity.

27. Season Cast Iron Pans: “Seasoning” a cast iron pan is the act of creating a fatty layer that coats the pan, protects it, and also acts as a non-stick surface. Season with coconut oil the same as you would any other type of fat. Typically I will apply a generous coating of coconut oil to the inside of the pan and let it sit in a 250-350 degree (Fahrenheit) oven for an hour or so. Place a cookie sheet under it and let the pan lie upside down if you are worried about oil pooling and smoking. Remove the pan, let it cool, and wipe out any excess oil. Repeat as needed.

28. Deodorant : Sweat on its own typically doesn’t smell. In fact, most sweat doesn’t smell at all, since most sweat glands on our body are eccrine, which produces mostly water with some salt and maybe some uric acid. Apocrine sweat glands become active during puberty, and produce sweat from our underarms, around the genitals, etc. The sweat from apocrine glands has other stuff in it, such as lipids (fats.) When the bacteria on our skin feed on these fats, the byproducts smell. Like store-bought deodorant, coconut oil helps decrease the bacteria count that’s causing the odor. Mix about a tablespoon of arrowroot powder into 3-4 tablespoons of coconut oil for an easy homemade deodorant. Apply as needed; adding beeswax to solidify it some if you feel the coconut oil is too thin on its own.

29. Bath Oil: Soften your bath water, and your skin, with a bit of coconut oil. Enjoy its lovely aroma and gently swish it around now and then to swirl it through the water. It will naturally coat your skin, leaving it smooth and healthy.

30. Rash Soother: There are two things that come to mind when I think of discomfort caused by a rash of any kind-itching and painful swelling. Coconut oil, with its anti-inflammatory effects, is an obvious go-to for helping the swelling. It will also help take the edge off the dreadful itching, curbing the vicious cycle of scratching and further irritating your skin.

31. Cutting Board Conditioner : I used to buy these little bottle of some fancy oil marketed specifically for conditioning cutting boards…never again! Wipe down the cutting board with a damp towel and then dry it. Use a soft cloth to rub in some coconut oil, and let it sit for 10-15 minutes. Buff with a fresh cloth. For a little extra odor removing kick, add a few drops of lemon essential oil (or even just a small squirt of lemon juice.)

32. Go-To Carrier/Base Oil: Lotions, lip balms, massage blends, body butters, sugar scrubs…coconut oil is a great go-to carrier/base oil. Its texture and consistency helps hold whatever it is you’ve created together, while contributing all of its awesome moisturizing and healing benefits.

33. DIY Vapor Rub: Mix peppermint essential oil with coconut oil to make a vapor rub that you can apply beneath your nose/on your chest when you’re congested. It’s a simple, but effective, way to clear out stuffiness and help you sleep better at night.

34. Prevent Lice: I don’t know why lice wouldn’t like coconut oil, since it smells so dang good, but people have found it seems to keep them at bay, and even chase them away. If your little one comes home from school with lice, dip a fine toothed comb in coconut oil and run it through their hair. You can also use it as a precaution if there is an outbreak.

35. Frizz-Fighter: In the deathly dryness of winter, or on steaming humid days, hair can get a little wild. If your mane has a mind of its own, put a *small* amount of coconut oil on your fingers and run them through your hair to get a handle on the frizz. I recommend sticking to mostly the ends if possible, as it can get a little heavy otherwise. 36. On Toast: A simple way to replace butter. Spread some coconut oil on toast for a tasty (and filling) snack.

37. Popcorn Topping: Melt some coconut oil and drizzle it over your popcorn. Add a touch of salt, toss until each piece if coated, and enjoy a magnificent show time snack.

38. Wound Care: Antibacterial and antifungal properties make coconut oil an ideal salve for minor scrapes and scratches. Mix some up with a little bit of honey (also antibacterial) and apply a dab to the area, or just use on its own. Don’t slather it onto a great big gaping cut, but for little stuff it’s a great thing to have in your all-natural first aid kit.

39. Small Motor Lubricant : Use a small amount of melted coconut oil to lubricate small motors, such as on blenders. A little goes a long way. Too much and it can have the opposite effect of running smoothly when it solidifies.

40. Reduce Hair Balls : Strong anecdotal evidence supports using coconut oil to reduce hair balls. There are also those who feel medium-chain triglycerides aren’t the way to go with our feline friends, so do some research to decide what you are comfortable with. Rub a little on your cat’s paws to help improve digestive function and reduce hair balls.

41. Aromatherapy: Add your favorite blend of essential oils to some coconut oil to dab on your temples and the back of your neck when you feel stressed or nauseous. Peppermint and eucalyptus for headaches and tension, or lemon/lime/orange for nausea, are nice places to start.

42. Summer Day Dog Treats: Also known as “coconut cubes” these tasty chilled treats will help keep your pooch cool the glorious warm weather comes. Mix some peanut butter with coconut oil and freeze into an ice cube tray to feed as a special treat to your pups on hot summer days. Feed them outside or on a smooth floor to avoid getting your carpet messy!

43. Dry Nostrils: Dry nostrils feel like they need to be picked at. Picked at nostrils become sore and irritated nostrils. It’s a vicious cycle. Rub a little bit of coconut oil on the inside of each nostril to moisturize it. Use only a little bit. Because coconut oil melts rapidly at body temperature, too much can make you look (or feel) like you have a runny nose!

44. Constipation Relief: Take a tablespoon of coconut oil every morning on an empty stomach to keep your digestive track running smoothly. You can try 2 tablespoons to work out acute constipation as well.

45. Fade Age/Sun Spots: Coconut oil can help heal or lessen the appearance of a wide variety of skin blemishes, and people have found that daily application of it have helped fade sun or age spots. Rub coconut oil onto sun spots daily to help fade them.

46. Bags-Be-Gone: Put the beauty back in beauty sleep and use coconut oil to help get rid of those dark circles that make you look so exhausted. Every night, rub a little bit of coconut oil under your eyes to reduce puffiness and dark bags in the morning.

47. Soften Dry Elbows: Elbows are one of the hardest places to keep soft. Rub coconut oil onto them morning and night to help them stay supple. I don’t suggest doing this if you are going in for a big test and plan on setting your elbows on the desk. The horror if they slipped off and you ended up banging yourself against the table in the middle of a dead silent room.

48. Insect Repellant: I can’t imagine why bugs would find coconut oil repulsive but then, I also find some of the things they do rather distasteful myself. For whatever reason, some people find that slathering on coconut oil can help keep the bugs at bay. You can also try melting down the oil and stirring in some essential oils (such as peppermint or citrus) and then making a bug repellant bar of sorts that you can reapply.

49. Bee Sting Soother: As a beekeeper, bee stings are a reality that I face quite often. While honeybees are really quite gentle creatures, some stings are simply inevitable at times. To help reduce the swelling, heat, and pain that comes along with bee venom, rub a little coconut oil onto the site after the stinger has been removed. For an extra soothing kick, add a drop of lavender essential oil to it as well.

50. Cracked Paw Pads: Doggy paws are tough, and they should be a little rough, calloused, and thickened. Imagine how tender they would get if they were soft and smooth! That being said, when your dog starts to get really dry, cracked paws, rub some coconut oil into them to help them heal. Don’t overdo it though- your dog doesn’t want its paw pads to be as silky smooth as your skin. The hardest part about this is keeping them from licking it off. Make sure to keep your canine away from delicate floors if you are worried it might stain (I have yet to have a problem with this on carpet or wood, but everybody’s house is different!)

51. Metal Polish: Rub a bit of coconut oil over metal with a soft cloth. Let it sit for a minute, and then buff to a shine. It’s helpful to wipe the surface free of dust before applying the oil.

52. Moisten A Little One’s Chapped Nose: Youngsters seem to have a perpetually runny nose. That shiny upper lip that just won’t go away. This can result in a very chapped little nose. To help clear up that sore spot, gently wipe away any goobers with a washcloth dipped in warm water. Pat the excess water off and rub a little bit of coconut oil onto the skin to moisturize and heal the area. The antibacterial/antifungal benefits can’t hurt either!

53. Clean Your Retainer (or Mouth Guard): The antibacterial and antifungal constituents of coconut oil take center stage here. Rub a little bit of it onto your retainer after rinsing it at night to help keep it clean, and it doesn’t taste so bad either. You can also use this on a mouth guard as well. If you’re going to get tackled to the ground, you might as well have a pleasant taste in your mouth when you hit the dirt.

54. Use in Toothpaste: Add flavor, antibacterial action, and potential whitening benefits by adding coconut oil to some baking soda and using as a DIY toothpaste. For a little extra flavor, mix in a drop or two of peppermint or cinnamon essential oil.

55. Ease Arthritis Pain: Acute inflammation present with arthritis is responsible for quite a bit ofdiscomfort and stiffness that accompanies this common malady, which can be eased by the anti-inflammatory effects of the coconut oil. Massage a bit of the oil into each joint thoroughly 1-2 times a day to relieve soreness.

56. Preserve Eggs: Paint a thin coating of coconut oil over the eggshell to preserve quality and extend shelf-life. The oil prevents degradation from exposure to oxygen, and studies have found that the oil coating maintained an AA grade up to 3 weeks after storage, as opposed to when a glycerol coating was used. The grade refers to the Haugh unit, which measures the quality of the egg protein in the white.

57. Treat Athletes Foot: The anti-fungal action of coconut oil helps fight off athlete’s foot when you apply it daily. Be sure to rinse your feet first and pat them dry, then thoroughly apply a thin layer of coconut oil, massaging it in well. Wash your hands before applying to the other foot to avoid spreading the fungus.

58. Say Goodbye to a Sore throat: Can’t ease that painful throat? Coconut oil provides a wonderful soothing coating, whether the discomfort is caused by dry air or an illness. Swallow ½-1 teaspoon up to 3 times daily to ease the pain, being sure to make one of those times right before bed. For an extra kick, melt the coconut oil down and stir in a little honey (its ok if it separates some.) When it is mostly room temp, mash up the mixture a little bit and use the same as above.

59. Lessen a Dry, Hacking, Cough: You don’t want to suppress your cough if it is productive, meaning you are coughing up phlegm. Your body needs to get rid of all that stuff. However, if you have a dry hacking cough, swallowing a teaspoon or so of coconut oil can help ease the itchy irritation. It is especially nice because it coats your throat and seems to protect it more from irritating things such as dust, whereas water only provides very temporary relief.

60. Prevent Stretch Marks: There is no magic method to prevent or get rid of stretch marks. Indeed, how noticeably you get stretch marks are based a lot on genetics. They are caused by, literally, a stretching of the skin. This may occur during pregnancy, puberty, during rapid muscle mass gain, etc. and tend to be more extreme when there is an excess of cortisol (a stress hormone produced by the adrenal glands) involved. Cortisol damages elastic fibers in the dermis. Put simply, the marks appear when the lower layers of the dermis tear for some reason or another. Anecdotal evidence suggest that keeping skin moisturized and supple can help prevent stretch marks, and what better moisturizer than coconut oil? Rub some onto the area twice daily (for example, your belly if you are pregnant) and massage it in well. You can also melt down some cocoa butter with the coconut oil for an extra moisturizing boost.

61. Ink Cleaner: Don’t cry over spilled ink. If you find yourself with irritating ink smears and smudges on your hand, simply rub a little coconut oil over it and let it sit for a minute or two. Wipe off with a dry, clean, cloth.

62. Personal Lubricant *not compatible with latex: Yup, coconut oil can be used as a natural and effective alternative to store-bought lubricant. It is not compatible with latex though, as it causes it to lose its elasticity and break down, so do not use it with condoms. Coconut oil + condoms = baby! Otherwise, enjoy on your own or with a partner the same way you would any other kind.

63. Clean Your Dogs Ears: Gently wipe surface dirt out of your dog’s ears with a cotton ball. A dog’s ear canal is shaped like an ‘L’ so don’t panic too much about jabbing your finger or cotton swab in too far. This is why you’ll see your vet take that super long cotton swab and stick it all the way into the ear for a sample. Afterwards you wipe it out, gently rub in some coconut oil into the skin to keep them healthy, itch-free, and comfortable.

64. Detail Your Car: Coconut oil provides a lustrous sheen to the inside of your car, be it the dashboard or leather seats. You can also use it to buff out little scratches that might be marking up the paint job. The best part(s) are that it soaks in, lasts a while, doesn’t attract dust, smells great, and is all natural.

65. Soothe and Prevent Hangnails: Fun fact-hangnails are also known as a “stepmothers blessing” in several parts of the U.K. as well as a “catchy” in other parts of the world .Whatever you call them, these little bits of torn skin seem benign, but cause major pain. Often times they end up creating a whole inflamed sore patch around your nail that’s tender for days. Rubbing some coconut oil around the outer edges of your nail can help keep the skin soft and pliable, making it less likely for it to “rip” and land you with a hangnail. When the little bits of skin get hard and stiff, rubbing some coconut oil on it will also help soothe the pain with its anti-inflammatory actions.

66. One Ingredient Udder Soother: Cracked teats are, as one can imagine, terribly uncomfortable for the cow. Not only that, but it provides an area for bacteria and infection to multiply, which is the last thing you want to happen. Just like coconut oil provides wonderful soothing moisture in the form of nipple cream for humans, it makes an awesome one-ingredient udder balm. Simply apply as you would any other udder balm.

67. Detangler: When you’ve got a nasty tangle, try using coconut oil to ease it out without any yanking, eye watering, or ripped out broken hairs. Dampen your hair well and then massage in coconut oil, letting it sit for 2-3 minutes. Starting at the bottom of the hair shaft, gently work your way up with a comb to get through the tangles .

68. Cracked Heels: Cracked, dry, heels? As a super moisturizer, coconut oil can help soften and smooth over that skin. Use a pumice stone first to slough off any excess buildup of cells, and then get a little bit of coconut oil on your fingertips. Massage into your heels well, and let dry. Repeat twice daily.

69. Breath Freshener: Make somebody feel like they’re lounging in the tropics when they get close to your face. If you suffer from bad breath, kick the problem with coconut oil by holding a teaspoon or so in your mouth until it melts, swishing it around a bit, and then either swallowing or spitting it into the trash. The antibacterial properties in coconut oil make it useful for ridding your mouth of odor causing bacteria.

70. Get Rid of Angular Chelitis (aka pesky little mouth sores): This sounds obscure, but it is a much more common occurrence than it seems. Angular chelitis is inflammation of the lips, technically, but often times appear as little “splits” or “cracks” in the corner of your mouth. When this happens, fungus can jump on the opportunity to infect the little area. Rub a little bit of coconut oil on the sore spots 2-3 times daily to keep yourself comfortable and to fight off fungi.

71. Use in the Sun: Coconut oil in and of itself is not sufficient as sunscreen. On its own, it has an SPF (sun protection factor) of 4-6. This helps a little, but not enough to make it a substitute. That being said, try applying coconut oil in between re-applications of sunscreen. It will help hydrate your skin and prevent it from drying out. Should you get burned, it can also help prevent peeling and itching.

72. Improve Circulation: We need proper circulation to not only function, but to heal as well. Not to mention feeling cold all the time (or having people shudder at your frigid touch) isn’t fun. Coconut oil, taken internally, may help improve blood flow. As it can raise the levels of HDL-or “good”-cholesterol, the ratio between HDL and LDL-“bad” cholesterol-are evened. Since LDL cholesterol can affect the viscosity of blood, and “thicken” it, lower levels lead to thinner blood which leads to better circulation. Start with a ½ tablespoon a day and work up to 1 tablespoon to give your circulation an energy boost.

73. Add to Baby Bath: Babies have wonderfully soft, smooth, healthy skin-and we want to keep it that way! Try adding a little bit of coconut oil to your little one’s bath to help keep skin soft and smooth. It will also help soothe any little rashes, scrapes, or bothersome bug bites that may be bothering them.

74. Get Rid of Cradle Cap: Cradle cap is typically a harmless condition that results in patches of yellowish, thick, sometimes greasy scales on your baby’s head (although it can occasionally be found on other areas of the body as well.) Like true adult dandruff, there could be several causes of cradle cap, including an overgrowth of yeast or over productive oil glands. To help loosen and remove the crusty flaking scales, dampen little one’s hair/scalp and gently apply enough coconut oil to cover the affected area-it doesn’t need to be thick. Leave it on for 15 minutes (or longer if needed) to soften the scales. Then use a soft bristled baby brush or very fine toothed comb to loosen and remove the patches. Follow up by rinsing with a regular mild baby shampoo to remove the rest of the oil from the hair.

75. Soothe a Dry Canine Nose: Rub a tad onto your dog’s nose if it is perpetually dry and cracked. This remedy is smoosh-faced breed approved.

76. Flaky Scalp Treatment: Different from dandruff, having a flaky or dry scalp simply results in those annoying snowy white flakes that you can seem to get rid of. With its super moisturizing prowess, coconut oil can help provide nourishing moisture to a thirsty scalp. Wet your hair, and then massage coconut oil over scalp, using just enough to cover the area. Let it sit for 10-15 minutes, and then rinse it out. Follow up with a small amount of very mild shampoo to ensure a non-greasy look when finished. Repeat this at least 3 times a week, or as needed, to prevent dry scalp.

77. Reduce Fine Lines: There are two main things that keep the skin supple but firm, collagen and elastin. Collagen is what gives skin it’s “firmness” while elastin is what allows it to stretch and then return to its original shape. Collagen production slows as we age, which is part of why wrinkles start to appear, and elastin production is stopped completely-hence your skin no longer snaps back into place if you pinch it. Coconut oil’s biologically active components (such as certain fatty acids) have been shown to increase collagen cross-linking, which is part of why it helps wounds heal faster. This same principle may be why it helps reduce fine lines/wrinkles. Apply twice daily, using as little amount as possible and rubbing in thoroughly, to reduce the appearance of fine lines.

78. Ease Osteoporosis : Coconut oil can help ease osteoarthritis in a number of ways. Trabecular bone is one of two types of bone structure-it is “spongy” and has a higher surface are to mass ratio. It is typically the most harshly affected type of bone in osteoporosis. The trabecular number refers to measure of bone texture and structure, and marks the risk/severity of osteoporosis. Unlike plain calcium therapy, which reduced trabecular separation, coconut oil increased bone volume and the trabecular number in studies conducted with rats. Rats are good subjects to study when it comes to bone disease, as the remodeling and resorption process in rats is similar to that of humans. Osteoporosis caused by oxidative stress may also be lessened due to the potential anti-oxidant effects of coconut oil, while coconut oil also helps the absorption of calcium.

79. Remove Rust: Rust is somewhat of an inevitable fact of life. Unless you can keep your scissors/knives/etc. away from oxygen, you’re going to encounter rust eventually. To get rid of these pesky spots, spread a thin layer of coconut oil over the rusty area. Let it sit for 1-2 hours, then run warm water over the oil and wipe clean with a soft cloth.

80. Food Poisoning Relief : Bacteria and germs have become more prevalent-and harder to wipe out-every year. Even just E. coli has surged with the forms of packaging, preparation, and shipping that we use in the modern world. So what does one do when crippled in bed or chained to the porcelain throne? Take 2-3 tablespoons of coconut oil with orange juice every day. With its antiviral, antimicrobial actions that can defeat even the most stubborn illnesses that you would have to suffer through, it is (almost) a literal life saver.

81. Homemade Teething “Gel”: Teething occurs (typically) between six and nine months of age, and does not actually involve the teeth cutting through the gums. Rather certain chemicals are released that cause some cells in the gum tissue to selectively die off, which results in the gums separating and allowing the teeth to come through. Coconut oil can help tame some of the irritation and inflammation that tends to come along with the process of teething. Simply rub a little over the gums with your finger. To add an extra pain killing kick, add cloves to the mix. Naturally containing eugenol, a painkilling substance still used today, cloves can help ease teething woes. Some people use clove essential oil, but I don’t use essential oils directly with babies or very young children. Instead, add 2 teaspoons (up to 1 tablespoon for the maximum dosage) of whole cloves to ¼-1/2 cup of coconut oil and let it sit over low heat for 1 hour. There is no need to remove the solids, since you can scoop the oil out around them, but any botanical matter will shorten shelf life.

82. Prevent Split Ends: The fatty acids in coconut oil do more than just make hair look smooth and healthy for the present, it can keep it looking that way by preventing pesky split ends. Rich in protective fatty acids that easily adhere to keratin, the main protein in hair, a little bit of coconut oil applied to the ends of your hair daily can help reduce breakage. Be sure to apply just a little and only to the ends, especially if you are prone to oily hair.

83. Tupperware Stain Prevention: When it comes to dishware malfunctions, Tupperware stains are pretty bothersome, especially when stained with red sauce. It isn’t exactly appetizing to place fresh food in a clean, but very dirty looking, container. To help prevent these stains, rub a very thin layer of coconut oil into the Tupperware and allow it to sink in/dry. This forms a layer that prevents discoloration from setting in. At times this can even help with clean up, as things slide out easier. If you are worried about coconut flavor/taste being imparted, use refined coconut oil.

84. Tattoo Moisturizer/Healer: The feeling after you get new ink is beyond amazing, and you want to do everything you can to help your tattoo heal and stay healthy. Often time’s thick petroleum jelly is applied to keep the tattoo moist, but that can get gummy quickly, and can sometimes feel like you’re suffocating your skin rather than helping it heal. Instead use coconut oil to facilitate healing and keep the area moisturized (but not drowning.) As much as you love it, your tattoo is technically a wound, and your body will treat it as it would any other trauma. This includes that maddening itch, which coconut oil happens to soothe quite well. It is much less smothering, and more natural, than many other products, and keeps your skin moisturized, smooth, and healthy-and your new tattoo radiant. For the period that you would usually use jelly, apply coconut oil instead. You can be generous here, but remember that it melts quickly and can get runny, so applying smaller amounts at a time is useful.

85. Dust Repellant : A thin layer of coconut oil rubbed into certain surfaces (such as wood, or a dashboard) can help keep dust from collecting. It seems counterintuitive, like the dust would just stick in the coconut oil and make it all fuzzy, but it doesn’t. Instead you get a nice lustrous polished look and you keep the dust bunnies at bay. Rub a small amount over the desired area, being sure to rub it in thoroughly, and then allow it to dry. Use ONLY enough as needed. Be sure to test on a small area first to make sure it does not discolor or in any way negatively affect the surface.

86. Slick Your Snow Shovel: Clearing heavy, wet, clumping snow can be backbreaking work, especially when it clings to your shovel, building up and weighing it down. To keep the snow sliding effortlessly off your shovel, rub a thin layer of coconut oil over it. Reapply as needed-usually 1-2 times a week, depending on how often you’re shoveling. If you have a toasty heated garage, keep the shovel some place cooler to prevent the oil layer from simply melting off.

87. Clean Sap: I grew up trying to climb the old pine tree in my backyard which, naturally, got me covered in sap. It was my Dad who first showed me that mayonnaise could magically get that pesky sticky sap off your hands, and it only made sense when I learned that coconut oil could do the same. I am not sure why, but rubbing the sappy spot with coconut oil and then rinsing with warm soapy water does wonders!

88. Unstick a Zipper: It’s a problem when you can’t get your pants zipper up before an important meeting, nor is it fun being stuck yanking on your toddler’s stubborn jacket zipper while they look at you like “aren’t you supposed to be able to solve all the problems in the world? What’s taking you so long?” Avoid both of these unfortunate situations-apply a bit of coconut oil on the jammed zipper, rub it in a bit, and it should glide with ease.

89. Shape Your Beard/’Stache: If you’re going to for a sleek, styled look, use a little bit of coconut oil to shape your beard or mustache into your desired look.

90. Stop Sticky, Squeaky, Hinges: It’s hard to be subtle when you have a squeaky door. Your plans for a midnight raid of the snack cupboard will be thwarted if a door makes a racket when you open it. Rub a little coconut oil into the hinges to stop the squealing.

91. Cheekbone Highlighter: Highlighting your cheeks gives you that little extra glow that people can’t quite place, but definitely notice. Apply a small amount of coconut oil the same as you would another cheekbone cream to give yourself a naturally beautiful glow.

92. Give Plants a Shine: The last thing your beautiful, green, healthy plants want is a waxy silicone shine that makes their leaves glisten unnaturally. Rub a tiny bit of coconut oil into them to keep leaves looking healthy and dust-free. Reapply every few days or as needed.

93. Maintain Lawn Mower Blades: Apply a thin layer of coconut oil over clean lawn mower blades to prevent grass clumps from sticking and jamming the mower.

94. Grease Baking Pans: There’s nothing like slaving over a beautiful baked good and then watching it crumble as you try to take it out of the pan. Avoid this heartbreak by greasing pans lightly with coconut oil first.

95. Clean Makeup Brushes: Preserve your delicate make up brushes by cleaning them with coconut oil. Simply melt down some of the oil in a glass and dip the brush into the liquid, coating it thoroughly. Then gently swirl the brush on a paper towel or wash cloth until the color or product is gone. Rinse under warm water, and dry. Any bit of residue tends to make the bristles quite soft, but you can also use a mild soap and water to remove it if you find it bothersome.

96. Fight Ringworm: Ringworm, despite sounding like a parasite, really falls under the same category as athletes foot, a related skin infection, caused by one of several types of mold like fungi that feed on the dead tissue in nails, skin, and hair. Ringworm typically presents itself as a red scaly or slightly raised bump. It will generally begin to look like a ring-hence the name- that has scaly edges. Itchy and uncomfortable, it’s not fun to have hanging around. Washing your hands before and after application, rinse the affected area with water and pat dry before rubbing in a small amount of coconut oil up to 3 times a day.

97. Grease a Bicycle Chain: If you want to try “green grease” try a little bit of coconut oil on your bike chain to keep it running smoothly. A thick layer is not needed, as coconut oil solidifies temperatures under 76 degrees Fahrenheit, and you don’t want to gum up your chain.

98. Eyelash Enhancement: Long thick eyelashes are something many people desire, but that doesn’t mean they’re easy to come by. To get those luscious upturned ‘lashes, apply a little bit of coconut oil to your eyelashes nightly. The proteins can help encourage growth and seal in moisture, preventing brittleness and breakage.

99. Lubricate Kitchen Appliances: Rub a thin layer over the blades of kitchen appliances to keep them running smoothly. Be sure to store in a cool place so the layer stays firm.

100. Give Your Dog a Healthy Shine: Feed 2 teaspoons to dogs under 30 pounds and 1 tablespoon to dogs over 30 pounds daily to improve dry skin and give their coats a lustrous shine. Work up to the full dosage over the course of a week or so, discontinuing use if it seems to upset your canine companion’s tummy.

101. Target Eczema and Psoriasis : Eczema and psoriasis, while not the same thing, are both generally red, irritated, often times chronic skin diseases, and both are uncomfortable. Use coconut oil to target patches of your body that are being affected, and rub on a thin layer to keep the area moisturized and healthy, while also fighting off fungus or bacteria that could set in as a secondary infection if you’ve been scratching.

102. Reduce Dandruff : If you suffer from true dandruff (as opposed to just dry scalp) it is possible that you have an overgrowth of a common fungus on the scalp. Use coconut oil 2-3 times a week to provide some anti-fungal action to help keep the itching and flakes at bay.

103. Mane & Tail Conditioner: Like you, horses can benefit from coconut oil as well. A thick, healthy, flowing mane and tail are wonderful to behold but for those with horses, well, we know it’s not always an easy thing to achieve that look. They get dirty, rubbed out, and downright ratty looking. Coconut oil can help get you closer to that luxurious tail, but things will get worse before they get better. Clean the tail/mane thoroughly and run in a very liberal amount of coconut oil. It will look greasy and, quite frankly, unappealing. Do this for 5-7 days, and then rinse clean with shampoo. Prepare for a shiny, silken, soft mane and tail. It can also help ease irritation from things like sweet itch that may cause your horse to rub.

104. Minimize Heartburn: If you’re feeling the burn, swallow 1-2 teaspoons of coconut oil. It can get a little coating in your tummy and ease the painful feeling of heartburn or acid reflux. It also helps get that bitter bile taste out of your mouth.

105. Add Luxurious Lather: Thanks to the combination of fatty acids (namely lauric acid) in coconut oil, it is fabulous for creating a luxurious fluffy lather in homemade soaps and shampoos. Does that lather actually increase cleaning efficacy? No. But we love it none-the-less. It is a much greener alternative than sodium lauryl sulfate, which is most commonly used to create lather in store bought products ranging from shampoo to toothpaste.

106. Help Heal a Bruise: A bruise is caused by some sort of impact or trauma rupturing blood vessels beneath the surface of the skin. Coconut oil may help speed the healing of tissue when used externally, even taken internally, and can help repair tissue damage and reduce the time that it would normally take your bruise to heal and fade.

107. Fights Acne: Our bodies are rich with bacteria that are naturally present, and necessary, to maintain our health. There are instances though where some people find themselves with a specific strain of bacteria (generally thought to be Propionibacterium acnes) that grows its population past the point of being welcome, as too much of it causes acne. While P. acnes is becoming increasingly resistant to antibiotics, coconut oil is an all-natural way to reduce the overgrowth. You can also mix in a little drop of tee tree oil for an extra anti-bacterial kick. Be aware that tea tree has a very…distinct aroma. Not bad per say, just strong.

#Coconut Oil

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emoryjrice71 · 7 years

Text

A Simple Trench Drain

Simple Trench Drain TIPS

Water travels down slope sideways through soil

Watch french drain pipe video below!

6-inch-wide trench with perforated drain tile

Fill to top with rounded gravel

PURCHASE DIY DVD for Easy Install! CLICK HERE TO BUY

DEAR TIM: Every spring, soggy soil in my yard prohibits me from getting a start on my spring yard chores. During periods of heavy rain, water flows toward my house causing periodic flooding.

Can this water be stopped? Is there a way to remove the water and dry out the soil? If so, do you think an average homeowner can complete the project successfully? Betsy, Wyoming, PA

DEAR BETSY: I’ve got some great news for you. If you can enlist the help of a friend for just one weekend, you’ll be able to prevent basement or crawlspace flooding and dry out the soil.

French Drain Piper Captures Water

When it rains, water enters soil and pushes the air to the surface. Gravity then takes over.

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More French Drain Content:

Trench Drain at My Last House

Drainage Tips

Water Moves Sideways Towards the French Drain Pipe

A Ground Gutter

In many cases the trench system is U shaped as it passes around your house.

Do your own DIY install of a Linear French Drain with Tim Carter’s time-tested methods and materials! CLICK IMAGE TO ORDER NOW!

Create a Lattice

French Drain Pipe Video

Watch this video to see water flowing out of a perforated french drain pipe in my own yard! You can’t believe how well these work.

youtube

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

Compact Dirt

If you choose to use rigid plastic pipe that has two rows of holes along each length, be sure to install it correctly. The holes are supposed to point down, not up towards the sky.

Pipes Holes Down

Fill To Top

CLICK HERE to get FREE & FAST BIDS from local landscapers who can install your linear french drain.

Column 175

Do you wonder if linear French drains really work?

Read an e-mail I received from Pat Jones in Vienna, Virginia:

When we talked you said to let you know how it worked out. It worked out great!!

Thank you very much,

Patrick Jones

Tim Carter

I received this email recently:

Tim,

Here is the answer:

Click here to order Tim’s DVD with the step-by-step procedure for installing a Linear French Drain and keeping your basement dry.

You may wonder if my advice is worth anything. Well, read what Jim Sanders wrote to me when he was at the end of his rope:

The Linear French Drain trench running from the house. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

After a short rain, water is running away from the house. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

Since I couldn’t see correcting the foundation cracks or the garage floor settling and tilting until I corrected the problem’s source, I waited to see if the trench drain worked first.

A dry sump pump. PHOTO CREDIT: Jim Sanders

I just wanted you to know how this worked. I stressed for many years over this issue and the solution was nowhere near as difficult as I thought it would be.

- Jim Sanders, Upstate area - New York

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