#and SO. while falling under All of those umbrellas. i still think this show is good.

[zincbot]

hi urge to rewatch bojack horseman. what are you doing here

[alchely]

My Top Gallavich fics

So, under the advice of the lovely @iangallagherisadeadman I've decided to compile a favorites Gallavich fic list along with a brief rec of each, this won't be a strict top 10 cause I'm not gonna torture myself into excluding some of these stories on some made-up self imposed arbitrary rules.

A bunch of disclaimers: most of these fics are long fics, going from 30k words up, I'm not purposefully excluding shorter fics, I have read plenty of them, but they do have a harder time sticking in my head months after reading.

Most of these fics will be explicit, just read the tags on the fic itself if you want to find out more.

Some of these fics don't have links because the authors chose to lock them and as such make them unlinkable, in order to read them you will need to go through the author's page while you're logged in your AO3 account.

This ended up ballooning out of control and is A LOT longer than ten fics, I apologize in advance :p.

YOU'LL NEVER SEE US AGAIN – spoonfulstar - 231k words

Mickey and Ian have been students at Marceline boarding school their whole lives, as their time at the institute draws toward the end they will start to discover many things, about themselves, about each other and about the world they live in.

THIS FIC! I CRIED! The number of fanfiction that are able to make me cry can be counted on a singular hand, the emotional stakes get higher and higher as the story goes on, leading to a beautiful and bittersweet climax.

This story will make you think and feel deeply about topics you'd never think a shameless fic would delve into.

I am obsessed with Mickey in this fic, he and Ian grow up in an environment that could not be more removed from South Side Chicago and yet his personality is still so recognizably and distinctly Mickey.

The story goes very dark at times, and the fic itself could be considered lengthy, but I assure you the author has made sure to not make you feel it. Those 200k words flowed so well the story did not feel long at all.

HELP ME (TEAR DOWN MY REASON) – wehangout - 34k words

Mickey is a detective and Ian becomes a suspect in an investigation except Mickey already knows him because he's his favorite dancer.

This fic falls under the umbrella of fics where “Mickey is so in love with Ian he does something unbelievably crazy”.

Oooh boy, this fic, it's written in second person (yes you've read that right), tbh out of all fics I've read from this author I think this one was the easiest to adjust mentally to the change in perspective.

I loved Mickey’s “love” in this, just… This raw connection to Ian, the perfect cocktail of feelings, I could read that all day long.

IN ANOTHER WORLD – Roryonic - 249k words

Mickey does not get sent to prison at the end of S5, what happens after and how his presence influences future events (mostly Ian, but also every other Gallagher as well as his own family).

As far as I'm concerned this fic is the closest to a perfect S6 and beyond fix-it. The dialogue writing in this story is so close to canon Shameless that I could picture entire scenes in my head with the actors playing the characters, with their body and personality quirks.

Sometimes I find myself describing this fic like it's the actual show's deleted scenes, “Look, Mickey has his own storyline! And Mandy is here! And the existence of Yevgeni does not become a plot hole!”

There are some Mickey lines in this fic that to me are as canon as if they'd been in the show. Absolutely iconic writing.

I love this author so here's a rec of some of their other longfics, however I highly suggest a lot of their other much shorter stuff as well:

BATTLESHIPS AND LOVE BOATS: Ian and Mickey start their “no strings attached” kind of sex relationship a little later than canon but their attraction and love is just as strong. This is a sort of High School AU that turns into a Prison AU that turns into something else and every shift is just as lovely as the next.

YOU SMELL LIKE LOVE: Ian and Mickey are childhood friends, to the point that the rest of the Gallaghers might as well consider Mickey a seventh brother, mmmh, I sure wonder how things will start to change. Look, I never thought I'd love a childhood friends AU for Gallavich yet here I am, if it's good it's good.

ME AND THE DEVIL: Mickey unconsciously calls for a vengeance demon and Ian Gallagher shows up at his door, because Mickey is a stubborn dumbass they fall in love instead. This story has a lot of twists and turns and the premise is only the very beginning of the story. I LOVED it!

THE INCREASINGLY POOR DECISIONS OF IAN GALLAGHER – Shamelessquestions - 309k words

Ian is a dancer in a club, he accidentally gets involved in the affair of a dangerous mafia don, but the true danger is the attraction he and the mafioso’s right hand Mickey feel for each other as soon as they meet.

What. A. Classic. Truly, an unforgettable story, and I don't mean this in hyperbole, I read this story around… 2016/2017 during my second round in the Shameless fandom, then I read countless other fics in a lot of other fandom and yet this story was the only one that my mind retained from back then, to the point that I could still remember some of the finer details as well as the final plot twists when I came back to reread it.

The plot is constructed beautifully and the original characters (part of the Shamelessquestions fanfiction universe, as they come back time and time again in every one of their AU to fulfill their role in the story) are just as vibrant.

What a story, truly.

Favorite original character in this AU: Sal, his downfall is so satisfying and yet so pitiful to read.

TEENAGERS SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME – Mellow_Yellow - 221k words

Ian finds something scary and calls Mickey for help, even though they had only reconnected that very day after two years of not seeing each other. Together, they get sucked into a situation they weren't at all prepared for. Can they even admit that they're in over their head?

The very beginning of this fic is SO cinematic it grabbed my interest from the very first scene and didn't let go until the end, DO NOT search for spoilers.

The only warning I'll give is that it does deal with a bit of gore and what I'm personally gonna define as slight psychological horror. That's it. Enjoy!

BROKE STRAIGHT BOYS – dancermk - 66k words

Mickey becomes a porn actor for a site where he has to pretend he's straight and not enjoying the copious amount of gay sex he's having on camera, enter Ian, another actor under the same agency and their off the chart physical chemistry.

This story has, needless to say, some really, really good smut. I especially loved their first time together, but every sex scene in this story is seared in my mind.

ETHERIZED AGAINST THE SKY – Snarfle - 213k words

So, I debated whether I should add this fic or not, but I think if there is one fic that will stay in my mind long after this Shameless binge of the past couple of months it's this one, and it should absolutely become one of those fic that everyone in the fandom should read.

After Mickey gets shot by Kash his life takes a completely different direction and he ends up in a group home where, through many difficult times, he turns his life around.

So many iconic moments in this fic, some funny as fuck, some sad, some so absurd that I'm surprised they weren't lifted straight from Shameless, one so gruesome in the very first chapter that I was surprised to have such a visceral feeling from just words on a screen. Yeah, this story will stay with me for a long time.

OLD RULES FOR NEW SIDE PIECES – Shamelessquestions - 217k words

Ian is a Fed and he spots Mickey looking suspicious in an art museum, the mutual attraction is overwhelming, Mickey is not what he seems and Ian is already with someone else, but that's not gonna stop him from pursuing what he and Mickey have.

Putting it as bluntly as I can, this fic made me face the realization that I love cheating fics (if the cheating happens to someone else to bring together the endgame couple). I have already reread this fic twice and I could probably go for another one and not get tired of it, it's that good, and out of all this author's fics it's probably my favorite.

Favorite original characters in this AU: It's a three way tie between Dre, Ivan and Carrie, they're all very captivating in this story.

Other fic from this author I'd recommend cause I really love their style:

LOST IN TRANSLATION: Ian meets a very attractive man while he's in Ukraine who doesn't speak English, a mere language barrier won't stop him from flirting for hours. (adorable)

YOU MAKE ME FEEL HUMAN – Dragona - 66k words

Ian is an assassin, he meets Mickey and thus begins a very sick love story.

To say I'm obsessed with this fic is an understatement, I suggest to everyone to just go read the original author’s own description of the fic, it sets the tone of the story magnificently.

This is an Ian Gallagher that almost resembles Jerome (also played by Cameron in Gotham) but like… a slightly more subdued and saner S1/S2 version of him. I love the layers that get peeled right in front of my eyes, the madness that creeps in a bit more every chapter. I LOVE this story.

DRIED INK - 87k words

This fic combines my two favorite Gallavich-specific tropes, one being ‘Mickey comes back from prison after s6, Ian is with someone else’ and ‘Ian cheats on that someone else for Mickey’

I love the Gallaghers in this and how unsurprised they are at Ian going back to Mickey right away. It's a little jewel of a fic.

Mickey tries SO hard to stop himself and Ian in this but their love is too magnetic, they're irresistible to each other.

THE QUESTION OF NORMAL – blue_newman - 92k words

Ian is a prison counselor, Mickey is in prison, they fall in love and it's beautiful and Ian is incredibly devoted to Mickey in this fic and I fell in love with them both in this.

KINDA RAW – catgrassplantdad - 6k

Quite simply this is my favorite short pwp fic.

Illustrating those “five times” in one night that Mickey references in 11x01.

This fic is so hot, I love it <3

QUATERVOIS – DodgerBear - 51k words

Soldier Mickey gets stationed in the middle of nowhere and meets a farmer called Ian who makes him question everything.

Falling under the same umbrella of “Mickey does something crazy for Ian” fics and this is why it stuck in my mind even if it's been a while since I've read it.

I LOVE this story, their dialogues and everything that happens in it. The setting is lovely and you will fall in love with the description of Ian’s farm.

Other fic by the same author that I also loved:

BURDEN OF PROOF: Cop Mickey gets caught in a legal battle between the two oldest Gallagher brothers, something doesn't feel right though…

THE WORDS HE DOESN'T SAY: Mickey is released before Ian in s10 and has to meet a court-mandated therapist. The story is from the therapist POV and goes AU from the beginning of s10 in that Mickey gets involved back into Yev and Svetlana’s life, the dialogue is, quite obviously, the main attraction of the story and it's really well done. (Also, written in first person).

THE MENAGERIE – CrossMyDNA - 147k words

Ian decides to re-explore his bdsm preferences at The Menagerie where he meets sub extraordinaire Mickey on his very first visit.

Shameless is undoubtedly the fandom that opened my eyes to what bdsm could be back in… approx 2016? When that other popular bdsm fic was still around *ahem*.

So it definitely feels like a sign that coming back into the fandom this fic now exists and is SO GOOD.

Obviously it's very explicit, the smut in this fic is one of the best I've ever read.

The chemistry between Ian and Mickey sizzles off the screen and can absolutely be felt even in moments not of the nsfw variety, absolutely recommended!

MICKEY MILKOVICH’S GUIDE TO FLIRTING – whatwouldmickeydo - 40k words

An s2 “missing moments” between Gallavich, completely canon compliant, all under the pretense that Mickey is following a step by step guide to flirting.

I wish this fic was describing canon moments, not kidding a single bit, I wish I could somehow magically manifest these scenes into existence they're that good and fit that well into canon.

M8TE – gallawitch - 53k words

Omegaverse fic where Ian and Mickey both start using an app and end up matching with each other, even though a connection is made almost instinctively, coming to terms with it with a sound mind will take a bit longer…

Hey,had to have at least one of these on here lol

I love omegaverse and this was everything I wanted from it, couldn't have asked for anything better really <3.

SHACKLED – MyRelapse - 19k words

Ian has a change of heart and he decides that Mickey IS the one he wants, even if he's still in prison, so he keeps in contact and goes through every hoop imaginable to have him back as soon as possible.

Reading this made me so happy like I could burst, love it.

WAITING ON MY OWN TOO LONG – Ride4812 - 266k words

This rec more than any other on this list is what I'm gonna consider self indulgent because it covers the trope I always craved to read in such a satisfying way: Canon AU where Mickey comes back from prison after 8 years, Ian has found someone else but the moment the two meet again they fall back into each other right away.

The series is made up of 4 smaller fics:

One more night

Something more this time

No more lonely nights

Ain't this life so sweet

(I will point out here and nowhere else that the last installment of this series has some segment that probably needed to be re-read a couple more times, but by that point I was too invested, and the quality fluctuates a lot only in certain parts)

The writing style is very direct and to the point, which I love, the smut is very present and written beautifully and most importantly never boring.

Ian is a MESS in this fic and had me Stressed™, mostly cause for some reason I can't handle too much casual depiction of drug abuse and addiction (I know, ironic considering the fandom).

Conflicts and resolutions are never clean cut, they don't necessarily resolve quickly or definitely or the way you probably imagine they should and I find this level of realism very satisfying.

Taking a bit of space here at the end to also rec a couple other Ride4812 fics that I also loved:

COUP DE FOUDRE - A model/photographer AU where Ian and Mickey fall in love the instant they meet and do some crazy things because of that.

HOPE HE MIGHT - A lawyer AU where Ian and Mickey are on opposing sides for the same client, an interesting murder mystery steeped in a religious cult.

Generally I feel like this author is really good at depicting just how unapproachable Mickey can be to anyone that isn't called Ian Gallagher and I eat it up every time.

WHAT THE NIGHT DOES TO THE DAY – andchaos - 9k words

A Gallavich childhood friends AU with a quite original arrangement for the story and the various segments of their lives. Very satisfying read.

RANSOM – BeckyHarvey29 - 112k words

Terry sends his sons to kidnap a Gallagher child to force Frank into paying back the money he owes, unfortunately for him Mickey and his brothers kidnap Ian, and a whole other kind of story unfolds.

Mickey and Ian falling in love in this fic is such a good read. I don't wanna spoil anything of how that or the kidnapping plot goes, since the two are so intertwined. Just know that it will be worth it.

UNDER LOCK AND KEY – Suzy_Queue - 106k words

Ian is assigned the night shift at his new job where he provides spare keys to his fellow college students stuck outside their dorm rooms. To make matters worse his shift coworker is the oh so infamous Mickey Milkovich.

I am magnetized by the way this author writes their pining for each other, their attraction and obsession, how it blooms and unfolds. This fic in particular had me develop a very bad case of tunnel vision, couldn't really turn away until I finished reading it all.

I still haven't read everything this author has to offer, but so far I also loved:

INHUMAN: A mysterious force starts attacking people close to Mickey and it all seems to lead to a mysterious redhead Mickey is oh so coincidentally obsessed with. Very cool paranormal story.

THESE FOOLISH GAMES: Mickey takes over as the boss of the local branch of a trampoline park, where Ian is one of the employees, they annoy each other to no end but what they don't know is that they're secretly texting each other.

IS THERE SOMEWHERE – andchaos - 48k words

Mickey is born with no words on his skin, convinced he's going to live a life of misery cause no one will ever say the words he's destined to hear, he's not a very happy guy. Here comes mute boy Ian who crashes into his life and won't let go.

A classic Soulmate AU, I love that like in a lot of other Gallavich fics their physical connection and compatibility usually comes before their emotional one, it is one aspect that I feel distinguishes their relationship to many other fandom’s ships.

LAST NIGHT AT THE VERONA GRAND HOTEL – the_rat_wins - 27k words

Mickey starts working at an ancient hotel who's supposedly haunted. Mickey doesn't believe in ghost stories, he is much more interested in this one guest he meets at night during his shift.

What a cinematic experience this fic is! Absolutely recommended, the length of it makes it so you can read it in the same time it would take to watch the same story in movie format.

Other fics by the same authors that have impressed me:

FADE THIS ONE TO BLACK: Ian dies of overdose in a pile of snow outside the club, when Mickey finds him there he vows to do anything to get him back.

I don't know why but this fic in particular gives off the vibes of being a pilot for a ya urban fantasy TV series, except we gotta imagine everything that comes after the first episode lol

NO LIE: Ian and Mickey are Soulmates and as such they can't lie to each other. This series is short and sweet and full of feelings, perfect

PARAGRAPHS – pink_ink - 100k words

Ian becomes a reading tutor for ex-convicts, Mickey is among them and Ian starts paying him more and more attention.

This is a story where they meet under very different circumstances and where they've lived slightly different lives compared to canon and yet they're still able to find each other in the end.

Also, sign me up for every fic where Ian has to work just as hard to help Mickey and care for him as the opposite, where Ian's brand of stubbornness is the only way to get through to Mickey.

I'm also adding a couple of ongoing fics, just two to not overwhelm too much.

NONE THE WISER – Loftec - ~218k words

Ian starts visiting Mickey’s diner, it takes a while and yet no time at all to warm up to each other.

I'm captivated by the author's writing style. I love Ian's and Mickey’s relationship. I love how they sort of take their time and yet pine helplessly for each other.

I'm obsessed with the fact that the whole point of the fic doesn't appear until two thirds of the way in cause the diner scenes were just too good to pass up on lol (and I 100% agree with them).

INTRO TO QUANTUM DATING – spoonfulstar - ~563k words

Canon Mickey and Ian meet in University. A college slice of life but drenched in the casual (and not so casual) darkness of canon shameless.

The dark humor in this is fenomenal and left me gasping laughing so many times.

Unexpectedly Ian in this fic is pursuing a linguistics oriented degree, which was what I studied when I tried university, the topics are explained in such an accurate way I have to assume the author studied them themselves and that this story is somewhat a reimagining of their own college experience because if not this would be an absurd amount of accurate research to make.

Reading this fic feels like living through the American college experience from the comfort of my home lol.

As I said before, this author's way of writing does not weight you down even with its length, the story flows perfectly from one scene to the next and before you realize it you've reached the end and you have to accept that 500k words weren't even enough.

Let's end this list with some quick recommendations

WHILE WE'RE MAKING OTHER (PEOPLE'S) PLANS - kyasticlikestea

Mickey is volunteered to organize someone's else's wedding after he managed to salvage his own so well, he'll do it, but his own Southside way.

THIS IS THE ROAD TO RUIN - bricoleur10

Ian and Mickey never go to rob Ned, the story unfolds differently from there. A fix-it with a lot of Gallavich longing , very good smut and some really good dialogue.

HEY, HONEY MINE (I WAS THERE ALL THE TIME) - serveteas

Mickey talks about his crush with Iggy and accidentally pronoun-slips. Short, to the point, funny af and I just really love it. Takes place after their fight at Kash’n Grab in s2.

AGAINST GLASS - AllThatMatters

Ian gets traded from one club to another as a dancer (and more) and ends up in the Milkovich family's club. This is a Mafia!Mickey story with some pretty tight sub-plots, I love his brothers in this.

ONE OF A KIND - fckyeahgallavich

Mickey breaks his finger and it has to be set in the hospital, chaos - of the homophobic kind - ensues. Protective!Ian, I wanna hug Mickey in this.

IAN THE FRIENDLY GHOST - Ravenheart

Ian is haunting an apartment and Mickey starts living in it, Ian is maybe starting to have a crush on him. This isn't angsty!

BLOOD IN, BLEED OUT - brewrosemilk, Whatsastory

Historical AU. Perfectly innocent bystander Ian Gallagher is thrown into the affairs of the Ukrainian Mafia back in 1954, his relationship with Mickey will span decades and he won't remain innocent for long, the mafia can corrupt anyone.

TEENAGE RUNAWAY - sadwhales

Ian comes to live and finish high school with his half siblings on the South Side, he's immediately captivated by a boy sitting under the bleachers, maybe his North Side naivety will catch his attention too.

GARDEN SONG - melwrtiesthings

A glimpse into their lives in their West Side apartment, a lot of initial angst due to a manic episode and then a lot of recovery and healing and learning more about themselves.

[hemmingsleclerc]

Rainy Days ┃OP81

It was a typical rainy day in London, with dark clouds hanging in the sky and the streets glistening from the constant drizzle. Oscar found himself stuck in the rain with his girlfriend Y/N while they were walking around the city enjoying the few days off he had due to racing.

Oscar, normally the calmer of the two, ventured to be the extrovert in the relationship for once. He looked at Y/N with a mischievous glint in his eyes and said, "I have an idea to make this rain more interesting."

Y/N raised an eyebrow, her wet hair sticking to her face. "¿Will you dance like that video of Tom Holland singing umbrella?" she asked, eyes shining with excitement.

Oscar chuckled, remembering the iconic video his girlfriend had shown him a couple of times. "It wasn't exactly what I was going to say but it's close somehow"

''So what were you going to suggest?''

Oscar smiled big at him like a little boy: "I was actually thinking we could spend a little time together in the rain."

Y/N laughed: "Do you want us to dance in the rain? Are we going to recreate those scenes from romance movies?" she asked excitedly.

Oscar feigned innocence: "Come on, it'll be fun."

"Okay, Piastri, but you better have some amazing dance moves hidden under that racing suit of yours."

They found a relatively empty square, raindrops hitting their umbrellas as they prepared for their improvise dance. Oscar laughed out loud every time Y/N slipped in the puddles of water, but he always had a firm hand on her waist, preventing her from falling. Y/N, on the other hand, made Oscar spin around while she laughed at how cute he looked with his hair all wet.

Some fans who were stuck in the rain were surprised to see the unexpected performance, some taking photos and videos to capture the moment. Oscar and Y/N, oblivious to the growing crowd, spun, laughed and dove, hugging the rain-soaked dance floor.

Oscar tried to make a daring turn, but his racing instincts took over and he slipped. In a comical turn of events, he found himself unintentionally sliding on the wet pavement.

Y/N laughed and helped him up as the spectators applauded his entertaining show. Despite his slip, Oscar showed a charming smile and bowed, thanking the applause and hugging his girlfriend's waist and giving her a kiss.

As they continued their walk in the rain, no longer caring how wet they were, Oscar turned to Y/N with a mischievous smile: "Well, that was one way to make a splash in London, don't you think?"

Y/N shook her head, still laughing, "You're lucky you're a fantastic runner, honey, because your dancing skills need some work."

''Still, I know you would do it again.''

''As long as it's with you, I would do it a million times''

[r7leee]

wild heart | t.b.

HEY CHAT!!! guess who’s backkk 😎 so uh there’s absolutely ZERO towa content on this app and i know my girlies are hungry so this is what we’re doing now!!! take it or leave it

pairing: towa bird x fem!bsf!reader

summary: you’re falling messily, horribly, sappily, all around in love with your best friend, towa. thinking she doesn’t feel the same, you stay quiet. little do you know, you should have higher expectations…

warnings: friends to lovers, kind of slow burn?, cursing, reader likes/liked men at some point, really just fluff

word count: 2900, should take about 22 minutes to read (whoops)

listen to: wild heart by towa bird

“you say i got a reckless streak in my snakeskin boots and levi’s jeans”

YOU’D ONLY MET her a few months ago, but if you knew anything about towa bird, it was that she was an absolute ladykiller.

“how do you do it?” you remember asking her over coffee. towa finished her sip, looking at you with a puzzled expression.

“do what? sip my coffee?” you snickered.

“no. have so many girls fawn over you.” a look of realization came on her face. in response, she just shrugged.

“i don’t know.”

“what do you mean?! there’s gotta be something,” you said, shocked. all she did was laugh and shake her head.

“charm? don’t know what you want me to say.”

the moment you met, she had actually just gotten broken up with by her most recent ex. you remember that day so clearly; how you both ran into each other on the sidewalk, the coffee stain on your shirt, how she apologized so fast you thought she’d explode out of fear.

she insisted she give you her number, take you out for lunch sometime soon as an apology. you thought she was cute.

turns out, the real towa was just hiding under her misery. she was funny, jarring, bold.

and you didn’t know why, but every time she showed up at your apartment after a night out, or you two were out in the city and she told you about the amazing girl she’d met the night before, you couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. not even just that; hurt. jealous.

there was no reason to even be as upset as you were; really, they never lasted.

towa would show up at a party, get drunk, find some girl, they’d fuck, then a few different things could happen: towa would forget to ask the girl’s number, the girl would have a boyfriend (ouch), the girl would barely remember the night before, etc.

the most charming part of it all, though? she’d regain her composure so quick, it was almost like nothing happened. you admired it, even celebrated a little when it happened. even if it was bad, you wanted her, and that’s something you couldn’t deny.

“i think you got a wicked smile, and those angel eyes with timeless style”

even if you didn’t know it, those feelings were mutual. heavily.

honestly, towa didn’t even know why she still did this. this constant cycle of fuck, forget, repeat. well she did know why she was doing it, but she hated the reason.

she wanted you. all of you. she had a good sense of detecting crushes, and the second she felt her heart pang looking at you, she knew she was a goner.

the day she knew she liked you, you were at the beach. the both of you went together with some friends. while towa was swimming in the ocean, you had just wanted to tan. you looked gorgeous, laying on your back, reading a book you specifically curated for that day.

but your beauty wasn’t stopping her from getting you in the water.

towa had told one of her friends in the water with her she'd be back in a second as she stepped out and onto the shoreline. she pulled her hair out of her eyes as she glanced at you, eyes fixed on your book. she smiled unconsciously at it.

once she walked over to the umbrella the group was at, the group greeted her. she said hi back before leaning down to your level. "you should get in the ocean," she mumbled.

"mm," you scrunched your face. "it's cold."

"and it's hot out here. come ooooooon," she whined, almost similar to a kid being refused dessert. it made you giggle.

"towa, i love you, but i'm just not feeling it." she sighed, shaking her head and standing back up.

"alright, fine." she glanced at you one more time, pretending to walk away, before she quickly snatched the book out of your hands, dropped it on the sand, and picked you up.

your friends laughed as you shrieked, laughing a bit too. she slung you over her shoulder, walking as fast as she could to the sea as you pleaded her to stop, both of you laughing so hard your stomachs hurt.

once she was in deep enough, she threw you into the cold sea. you screamed as you fell, but quickly regained your composure to splash towa in the face with salt water.

the way you laughed, how your wet hair looked, and how your gorgeous eyes reflected in the sunlight told her enough to know she was gaining a silly, high-school crush on you.

“i could smoke you out for fun in my leather vest. i love you 'til the death, you’re a bullet in my chest”

surprisingly, you had no idea towa even did music until a while after you met. you were at her apartment for dinner, when you asked, “what do you do for work?”

she’d mentioned needing to do stuff for her job a few times, but never exactly what she did.

when she told you, you were shocked. “why didn’t you tell me?! that’s so fucking cool!” you exclaimed.

“cause i don’t think it’s that good!”

that night, you looked her up on spotify and listened to her full discography, even if it wasn’t the biggest. you had no idea how she could think it wasn’t good. it was amazing.

against her wishes, you were there, front row at her next show. she was playing a festival and you stood at the front of the stage for three hours before she came on.

you caught her eyes almost immediately. a small smile spread on her face and she softly shook her head, quickly continuing the song.

when you looked at her outfit, you were taken aback. she was wearing a new leather vest you’d never seen with a long-sleeve black shirt, her usual levi’s jeans, and her usual jewelry. but it was her shoes. these snakeskin boots. you gave them to her for her birthday and she’d never worn them until today. you thought she didn’t like them.

after the show, she led you backstage. she was laying back on a couch, sweaty, gulping from a water bottle you brought her. you nervously tapped your hands on your thigh. “you did great.”

she finished gulping, wiping her mouth. “thank you. it wasn’t my best show, though. kind of embarrassed you saw that.”

“i thought it was great.”

“i messed up a bit, though.”

“i didn’t even notice,” you reassured. she sighed.

“you sure?”

“100%.” she let the topic go, nodding her head. you sat in awkward silence for a second. the tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. “you’re wearing the boots.” she glanced down at them.

“oh, ya.”

“thought you didn’t like them.”

“no, i do, it’s just…didn’t have a good time to wear them. until today. thought they’d look good with the outfit.”

you nodded in understanding. “i mean, they do look good. but boots? on stage?

“mm, wasn’t thinking. just thought it looked nice,” she lied. truth was, she wanted a reminder of you to be on her, no matter the pain. you just shook your head.

“fuckin’ dumbass. you look nice, though.”

“awwww, thanks, darling,” she teased, suddenly leaning over to kiss your cheek.

this was a banter you two had; acting like a couple jokingly. anyone with eyes could see it wasn’t casual for either of you, but you two were just oblivious and doubtful.

you smiled and blushed. “of course, honey,” you said through a giggle. she patted your thigh, kicking off her shoes.

“come on, let’s get you home.”

the next morning, videos of the performance scattered the internet. there was one particular video you saw: it was when she noticed you in the crowd. the text read “OMFG DOES SHE HAVE A GF??? WHO IS SHE LOOKING AT LIKE THAT WHATTTT”

the whole rest of the day, you were smiling and giggly, happy someone thought you two were more than just friends.

little did you know, towa had seen the same video and felt the same exact way.

“oh you, i can’t believe that you could tame my wild, wild heart”

even if crushes weren't that unusual for towa, this was to a new extreme. you were always somehow there, in the back of her mind.

when she was trying to go to bed, when she was watching a movie you mentioned you liked once, when she had any time to herself, her thoughts always drifted to you. it was eating her alive.

suddenly, to your surprise, the nights she spent out decreased. she started to take care of herself more, becoming less hungover and more energetic.

you two hung out more, making it almost a weekly ritual to meet up for dinner at one of your apartments. you would either cook or order dinner, catch up on the latest gossip, and laugh as the warm glow of the kitchen lights illuminated your faces.

you both always wanted to reach out, feel the other's skin on their palm. but you never did. you both opted for scooting a bit closer when the other wasn't looking and hoped that was enough. it made towa’s heart pound and she didn't know why.

you were making her crazy.

"i'm pretty quick, shoot from the hip with words that whip, but i'm in your grip"

it didn't take long for her to tell you how she felt. that's kind of just how towa was; quick. just like a stereotypical lesbian.

you always teased her about it, saying you'd never agree to go as fast as she did. and you always believed that. until it happened to you.

the two of you were having breakfast at a restaurant (towa paying for part of losing a bet.) you were just chatting and cracking jokes, like usual.

you took a bite of your food, but after you swallowed, you noticed your best friend staring at your face. "what? did my makeup smear?" she just laughed and shook her head.

all of a sudden, she was leaning over the table. "got a bit of food right...here." she wiped the bit of crumbs away with her thumb. she could feel your skin heat up under her fingertip, and honestly, she couldn't blame you; she would've been doing the same.

in fact, she was doing the same as she finished off with a soft "there" and sat back down.

what followed was an awkward silence as you both looked everywhere except the other's face. you looked back down and tried to start eating again, but there was an undeniable lump in your throat.

you heard a soft laugh from the end of the table. "you're cute when you do that." you almost choked.

"i'm sorry?"

"you heard me," she stated, taking a sip of her juice before continuing. "you're cute."

you didn't know how to respond, just sitting with your mouth hung wide open. "uh- thank yo-"

"do you wanna go out?" she cut you off. again, a few seconds passed. "like, uh, you know, to just, like, a museum or something...later...like, in a few days."

"as friends?"

"as whatever you want it to be."

that was all the clarity you needed. you immediately said yes.

"throw your lasso, come and catch me, babe. i'm indiana jones, you're my last crusade"

you weren’t sure if the museum counted as a date. you absolutely wanted it to, but the whole event was a little friendly.

you just walked around like you two normally would with anything, albeit a little awkwardness. she offered you to stay the night at her place, and of course, you couldn’t turn that down.

the both of you ended up on her couch, you in her clothes, watching indiana jones. “it’s for nostalgia,” towa had told you.

after being out in the chilly winter air, you and towa were wrapped in one of her blankets. she only had one, since the others were in the wash, so you had to share.

the contact was killing you; you could barely pay attention to the movie. every time towa moved to make herself more comfortable you felt shock waves through your body. it was almost kind of pathetic.

she noticed this but didn't say anything, simply continuing the tease the shit out of you.

at a certain point, she spoke, causing you to jump. “you know, if they were hot enough, i’d let somebody betray me and send me down into that firey pit of hell any time they wanted." you were confused.

"what?"

"i mean, if they were hot enough." you snorted.

"seriously? that's like, a death wish!"

"okay, imagine the hottest person in the world. if you let them do anything to you for a chance of them liking you back, would you?" you thought for a second.

"no."

"bullshit! fucking bullshit," she exclaimed.

you just rolled your eyes, defending yourself. but, when you thought about it that night, you realized you maybe would've let towa do that. maybe.

"gravel in my throat and sweetness on my tongue. this ain't my first rodeo, my bad, i should have known."

when the two of you were going out, before you were officially "girlfriends," towa was trying to gauge you. when you two were together, walking down the street or looking at clothes, she'd ask you "do you like this shiny material, or like, soft?" "okay, i know you think her hair makes her hot, but is there anything else there? at all?" "do you think he's funny?" to a comedian on tv.

you barely even noticed the sudden questioning since it was so spaced out. i mean, she did things like this constantly. she always wanted to get to know you better.

but, since you started going out, her questions turned from funny and lighthearted to trying to figure out if a certain pair of pants would make you like her more. she just wanted to be perfect for you, even if she already was in your head.

as time went on, the questions started to get more and more obvious she wanted to set a precedent of what you liked. which was what led to surprising news to her.

you two were sitting on a park bench after a walk. taking a sip of water from your water bottle, you looked around. towa examined your face, smiling at its natural beauty. your eyes darting around were angelic to her. "you said you had a relationship in college?"

you turned to face her. "ya?"

"what was she like?"

"oh...uh, it was a guy..."

"oh." she sat for a second. "really?"

"really."

"have you ever been with another girl, then?" you shook your head. "woah." she had to process that for a second. in her head, you were kissing girls left and right in your younger years, but you weren't. "so like...when did you find out you liked girls?"

you recalled the memory in your head. "a few years back. i don't know, i just saw two girls kissing on the subway and i was like, 'i kinda want that,' y'know?" she nodded.

"have you ever been kissed by a girl?" okay, this conversation was taking a huge turn. you quickly shook your head.

"i mean, no, but i always thought it'd be...kinda nice..." you trailed off.

all of a sudden, she was scooting closer to you. "come here," she mumbled, before quickly adding, "if you want to, of course."

"yes," you replied too quick. she smiled and cupped your cheek in her hand. then her lips were on yours and it was beautiful.

it was only for a quick second, but when she pulled away, she had a bit of your lip gloss on her lips and they were so soft, you were spiraling. "you want anoth-"

you didn't even let her finish before you went back in. she giggled into the kiss, keeping her hand on your cheek.

“the open road is the loneliest, come ride by my side into the sunset”

it took months to get to this point, but here you were; on a picnic on a date in the city, staring off into the sunset. your head was on towa’s shoulder as you stared off at the sky, full of vibrant oranges and pinks.

her hand was unconsciously stroking your hair, admiring with you. “hey,” she mumbled. you looked up at her.

“hm?”

“so, uh…i know we’ve kind of like, been going out for a while now…” oh my god. was this it?

“i was just…meaning to ask you if you’d maybe want to like…be my girlfriend?” you were so happy you thought you could explode. when you didn’t respond within a couple seconds, she quickly added “and totally not to like, rush you or anything, i was just won-”

you quickly shut her up by pressing your lips to hers. when you pulled away, you said “towa, oh my god, yes.”

her cheeks were softly tinted red as she fell back on the blanket. “okay! good, i thought you’d say yes, i just wasn’t sure-”

you quickly leaned down to kiss her again. “you ramble when you’re nervous,” you teased with a smile.

“shut up.”

[94blazed]

OBSESSION

PART 2

WC: 13.5K

Genre: smut. fluff. crack. angst. (switch pov)

Rating: M (minors dni)

Warnings: dom jk, rough sex, detailed smut, oral, toxicity, cursing, choking, slapping, spitting, nipple play, hickeys, unprotected, fingering, multiple orgasms, cock warming, simps, obsession, slight yandere, dirty talk, depression, alcohol; consumption.

Summary: Seven wednesday jungkook. You and Jungkook have been delusional about each other your whole lives, but when Jungkook is off the market, you start to wonder if it was all just one-sided. After the break-up with sohee, you became friends with benefits right after a simple hookup, but when he receives a text from his ex..

a/n: final part of the two part series! - no hate to sohee this is fiction! enjoy ! :D

TAGLIST : sign up here

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Jungkook received a notification.

- unknown: Do you like her?

- JK: who is this?

- unknown: Sohee.

- sohee: Y/N, do you like her?

- JK: why are you asking me this?

- sohee: because I still want us.

Jungkook pauses for a moment to glance at you, but you were too busy looking at the movie.

- JK: how did you get my number?

- sohee: how about you?

- JK: what?

- sohee: do you still want us?

- sohee: come outside.

Jungkook looks at you for a moment before he opens his mouth. "hey, I'll be right back. The pizza got here." you furrow your brows a bit, you could've sworn there wasn't a knock at the door, but he must have used the app, so you shrugged it off.

jungkook's pov:

Unlocking the door, you made sure no water got inside from the pouring rain. As you closed the door, you heard her speak up, "You don't want to come under my umbrella?"  "No. what are you doing here, Sohee?"  "I just wanted to see y-"  "cut the bullshit. what did you actually come here for?"  "Jungkook, do you actually like her?" After a brief pause, you replied, "Yeah, I do. why is it your concern?" she retorted "It's just...she's such a groupie whore. I mean, remember the way she used to look at you when we were together," she laughed.

"Remember how she would always be all up on Namjoon and Jimin? It's like she was attempting to keep track of who was the next fuck on her schedule" With a clenched jaw, you responded, "Sohee, you're so obsessed it's concerning. You do know those are her best friends, right? and me? we were a thing before you came along." you laugh "I'm honestly glad you were the one who fucked up" Sohee rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. so make up your mind, Jeon. Who's it going to be?"

y/n pov :

"Did he go help deliver the pizza? what is taking so long?" You get up and make your way to the front door. peeking from the blinds, you withdraw yourself from the window, opening the door, you ask, "What's going on?" Jungkook snaps his head towards your direction, while sohee smirks. "Oh, he didn't tell you? He wants to get back together. said you were only temporary." Before you look at him for any reaction, you slam the door as you begin to search for your keys. Tears on edge, but you refuse to let them fall, thinking that this was all going down the drain once again.

Hearing the door slam, the creaking of the floorboards grew louder with each step. "y/n, whatever she said, it isn't true," he says. pausing, you met his gaze, tears threatening to spill. "No, she's right. I felt like this was only to please our pleasures once again. temporary."  "y/n" he says grabbing onto your arms "this isn't temporary. It never felt temporary. Yeah, maybe before, maybe. but this moment to me right now feels endless. I don't know if you feel the same way about this, but I don't want this to end. not again" You didn't want to entertain your hopes, because when you did, it only led to disappointment. but this time, at this moment, it felt different. "Sohee wants me back after everything, but she was in the wrong, yet I know my worth. You showed me my worth."

Pausing, he looks into your eyes, never losing focus. "You've been my worth since the first time we met. I came to the realization that these aren't feelings of pleasure. They're more than just pleasing, and every time I would see you, be around you, hear your voice. I would feel this warm, bubbly feeling every time, and it never failed to come upon me." As he confesses his feelings, you felt the same way, yet a question lingered.. "why didn't you tell me about Sohee?"  "Because I was scared, y/n. I overanalyzed the situation and feared rejection, so I needed a distraction. a distraction from you." Although his response stings, you couldn't suppress your response any longer.

"It hurt, Jungkook, seeing you with her, especially after all that we have done together. You had the opportunity to prevent this situation, but you made it even more difficult than it already was. that night you introduced us to Sohee? was the night I intended to confess my feelings for you. I liked you a lot, Jeon, but then you and Sohee happened, and I had to know my place."

As the two of us sat in silence, the sound of the rain grew louder by the second.

He swallowed thickly before speaking. "You're right, and I admit it I feel like an absolute idiot an asshole at that for not putting more effort into us. I thought finding a distraction would help my situation, but it only made it worse. for you and me." tilting your head in confusion, he continued, "You know, ever since I got with Sohee, it didn't feel the same as what we had. It's like I had a void in my heart that has only grown with each passing day, month, and year. I believe it was the guilt that I had for not taking responsibility for our relationship."

"So, yeah, Sohee and I have been over since New Year's. She left me for her ex the same night before the final countdown. I've been emotionally drained since that night and looking back on what I had before, It was you who filled the voids. You made me feel needed back then and now. So, yes, this is a confession, and right now, in this moment, I'm hoping you feel the same." Looking into your eyes for confirmation.

The tears from before finally broke through. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this moment," you said, reflecting the same smile. He embraced you by the waist. Enjoying the moment he gradually released his grip around your waist.

With a gentle gesture, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, as he finally whispers the words you've been waiting for since the beginning, "so, does this mean you'll be my girlfriend?" You withdrew slightly, allowing yourself to meet his gaze with a smile. Latching your hand around his neck, you pulled him into a kiss. "Does that answer your question?"

Throwing you that bunny smile, he replied "No but I'll take it" he said jokingly, latched back onto your lips, melting into your embrace, not caring about how drenched he was from the rain. He lifted his thumb and gently pulled down on your lower lip, slipping his tongue past your lips, tongue against yours. As he tapped your leg, you eagerly jumped up and wrapped your legs around his waist, cupping the curve of your ass. He then proceeded to guide you to the edge of the bed, where he lowered you onto the plush mattress.

Jungkook pulled back for a moment to remove his drenched sweater, revealing his black compression shirt. loving the way the wet fabric clung to his abs that you admired so much. Resuming, he placed his hand under your chin to kiss you at a better angle. With his other hand, he smoothly slid it under your shirt, caressing your belly before cupping your breast.

Letting go of your lips, he slowly lifts up your top, revealing your girls. Officially you were wearing a lace bra with the detachable hook between the valley of your breasts. Detaching the clip he watches them bounce as they were held together. without wasting any time, he dives into them, starting with your left nipple, the contact never fails to make you moan. Of course, he didn't forget the right one, and with a pinch and pull, you were sent over the edge.

With a pop, he resumed cleaning up his left over saliva, tongue collecting every drop, tongue not leaving your chest he dragged it down between your breasts, over your belly, and arrived at the button on your pants. On his knees, he tugged on the material with his teeth, looking up through hooded eyes. "May I?" giggling, you land your hand on the top of his head. "You may." he undid your pants and flung them behind him. Now, looking at his favorite pair of panties that he loves so much. He honestly didn't want to rip through them, so he gently hooked them under his fingers and slowly pulled them down over your knees. Dropping them to your ankles, he picked them up and put them on the nightstand next to him. He slowly spreads your legs wide enough to observe the arousal you've accumulated down your folds, without noticing how he licked his lips—making him want to devour you whole. He lowers himself to suck on your inner thigh, biting in chunks and nibbles. Finally getting close to your pussy, you jolt when you feel a glob of spit trickle down your folds, you can't help but moan. Kook takes his fingers to his mouth, taking out his tongue to stroke in between his V-shaped fingers to demonstrate your pussy. putting them into his mouth, collecting all the saliva he can, and places them on your clit, as you whine at the feeling, slipping them down and inside your hole.

Squirming a bit he grabs your thigh securely, preventing you from moving. Sucking in a breath, you feel his tongue toying with your clit, the coldness of his lip ring swiping against your folds making it even more difficult to be still; "Baby stop moving," you're trying, really trying. Plunging his fingers deeper, he adds another to watch you struggle. With the way he's impacting your pussy, you instinctively tangle your fingers through his hair. Now imagine when he's in balls deep,  interrupting your train of thought he nibbles on your clit. His tongue now has taken the place of his fingers, hand coming around your thighs to rub at your clit "god this fucken pussy" whimpering you feel that familiar burning sensation in your belly building by the second "ju-jungkook im gonna cum" letting go of your clit, he looks up into your gaze, "then cum my pretty girl" and that fucken name has you coming undone, “so wet.. all for me yeah?”  jungkook drank up your arousal like he hadn't drank in years.

stabilizing yourself, you look up to see Jungkook already in his boxers, simply by the contour of his cock has your climax developing once more, walking up against you, pussy now against his clothed cock, he speaks "Tell me y/n. what exactly is it that you want, hmm?"  "You jungkook" slapping your pussy, he answers. "You're going to have to be more specific than that my love?. I'm going to ask you once more." Leaning down, he swipes his tongue along your earlobe, "what specifically do you want y/n?" not hesitating you answer, "your cock jungkook. your big fucken cock,"  heart now hammering at the thought of his cock tearing every last bit of your sanity, "you got it baby."

He finally dropped his boxers to the ground, the sound of his dick smacking against his abdomen echo's around the room. positioning himself, he finally sinks into you, both letting out a synchronized moan. Slipping through your core Jungkook let's out a groan, "f-fuck this pussy never ceases to amaze me." sucking in a breath at the burning sensation you composed yourself knowing this would only last for a moment. Pussy clenching Jungkook hisses at the feeling, "oh, fuckkk do that again". "Go faster and I'll do it," Jungkook cracked open an eye. "Oh really?" he stated "Yes, pleasee" you added. Jungkook complied, but instead, he wrapped his tatted hand around your throat, applying slight pressure on your airway. "alright then, answer this. who does this pussy belong to?" he asked. "Yours, Jungkook, '' you responded. As the pace picked up, he tightened his grip, making it difficult to breathe. "Do you desire this cock? or do you want me to stop?" he asked. "NO, no, I'm sorry," you replied. "Then I'll ask again. who does this pussy belong to? Who do YOU belong to?" he says in a firm tone, tightening his grip on your throat, "YOU JUNGKOOK, it has always been you. I belong to you completely, every inch and every breath in my body." you responded, "That's right baby, you belong to me and no one else. every inch." He released his grip, allowing you to catch your breath, as he increased the pace. Jungkook then leaned in to bite the salty skin of your neck, leaving a few territorial marks. Slowly pulling you flush against his chest, as an instinct you wrapped your legs around his waist, as he positions himself against the headboard.

"Jungkook, faster," you commanded. He complied, proceeding to deliver a rapid speed that consistently aimed at your g-spot. Instinctively, you dug your nails into his back, eliciting a pleasurable groan from jungkook, He gradually released your hips, allowing you to take control and ride him. As you tighten your grip on his length, obscene noises uncontrollably spill from his lips, struggling to articulate his pleasure. "shit y/n just like that baby" He gently raises your hips, grinding thickly into your walls making sure he can see his bulge plunging through your belly. “fuck fuckk kook just like that”  “yeah?”  you couldn’t even speak at that point. Drunk on his cock. 

Clenching tighter, he utters, "fuck it's the way that you can ride." You sense the pressure building, "kook I'm close, please." he leans in for a reassuring kiss. "Hold on a little longer, my love. I'm ngh-almost there." you reach a point where your entire body is stuttering. Despite the strain, you feel his cock twitch, knowing that his climax is near. With a few more strokes, he reaches, "now ruin me baby" releasing the pressure you smear his abdomen while he simultaneously paints your walls. Exhausted, he collapses on top of you, cock still inside, as you both pant in unison.

After both of you have stabilized your breathing, you gently brushed his hair away from his eyes, lifting his head to meet your gaze. chin resting on your chest, you maintain eye contact and offer a smile before bringing him in for a kiss. "How was it?" he asked. "as always, my love, perfect," you respond with a smile. "hmm good," he replies as he pecks your nose as he slowly withdraws from you, hissing at the feeling of emptiness. He proceeds to the bathroom to prepare a warm rag to clean you with, and although you are still sensitive, you comply. As you sometimes spend the night, you have clothes stored in the dresser next to his. After dressing, you help change the sheets while he cleans himself.

After cleaning up the mess you two created, both of you slide into bed. Allowing him to hold you, with his arms encircling your waist, tracing circles beneath the soft material of your shirt. He plants a kiss on your hair uttering, "I have loved you since day one." You smile at this heartwarming sensation, holding onto his arm until you drift off to sleep. From that day forward, the routine has remained unchanged.

PRESENT

July ‘23

You two moved into your apartment, sohee was nowhere to be seen since that day. This year, you all graduated from university and celebrated with a party for the occasion, alongside other colleagues. You and Jungkook are content to be together. "I fetched you a smirnoff screwdriver. sorry, it was the only one they had left," you smile kissing his cheek. "kook, it's okay. I appreciate it a lot thank you" but before he can respond, Jimin inserts himself by sitting between the two of you. “so what are you two love birds talking about?” Jungkook rolls his eyes while you chuckle at the remark. “nothing jimin what do you want” “Nothing I'm just curious about what you got my best friend for her graduation gift” jungkook raises an eyebrow "Well, I was just about to mention it-"  "Do not hesitate, Jungkook. please share" namjoon interrupts "I was just-" "well go on" jin inserts “I WAS JUST GETTING THERE” everyone laughs at jungkooks outburst, "someone offer him a tequila shot," taehyung yells "even tequila can't help that," Hobi responds.

“well, I just wanna say I’m happy for you two, as always jungkook. you better not break her heart or I’ll kick your ass”  “Yeah yeah like that’s gonna happen”  “Keep it that way” jimin replies, blowing a kiss to you farewell as he returns to the kitchen. “I’m sorry he’s a little overprotective”  "It’s okay I understand, I wouldn’t want anyone to hurt you either. but on another note, I do have a gift for you though" he grins, lending you his hand, taking it, together you made your way through the group of individuals that occupied the living room and into the neon uv-lit hallway. This is Jin's residence, which he rents out seven rooms, all of which are occupied by the other boys except for one that was reserved for the two of you; and that’s where you two were headed. opening the door, you spot a small white piece of paper resting on the bed before you. approaching, you grasp the paper. only to see the bold lettering 'SURPRISE' curious about this surprise, you turn around but were directed to take a seat on the bed. you observe jungkook removing his shirt, of course, you can’t complain, but questioned, “babe what are you doing?”

“It's Saturday baby, 7 days a week, remember?” 

“fuck”

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a/n: obviously she was still sore from yesterday lol . but thank you sm for reading this little series of mine! I hope you enjoyed ! all feedback is appreciated <3

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taglist: @jjklves @ane102 @moonbinniehappy @caro134340lina @bbtsficrecs @heartjiminie @ta3bae @hyunjinswifeee @sherituhhh @myabae @whoa-jo @jiminsthings @1uvjeons @junecat18 @capital-koreasofia @tatamicc @goldenhopeworld @ahsluva @starbrightday @psykvo

for those who I couldn’t tag i’m sorry ! :(

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

You're Special to Me

Can you write a fic where Remus keeps on comparing himself to roman (negatively) and the other sides also doing it, albeit unknowingly. It’s alright if you can’t, no pressure! – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: self-esteem issues, self-doubt, remus has some abandonment issues

Pairings: platonic creativitwins

Word Count: 3761

The others have a nasty habit of comparing Roman and Remus. It starts to get grating after a while. Good thing Roman's always thought his brother was the best.

1.

“Remus?”

Remus pokes his head out from under the whale carcass, adjusting the brim of his rain jacket to see Logan wading dubiously through the trail of viscera from here to the door. “Oh, hey, Pocket Protector, whattya need?”

“We had a brainstorm scheduled to start five minutes ago.”

“Oh, yeah, I was wondering when you were gonna show up.”

“Yes, so if you wouldn’t mind—wait, ‘show up?’”

He tosses a chunk into the piranha tank and the water froths up. “Yeah. You asked to have a brainstorm with me, so I was waiting for you.”

“Ah, I see. Typically brainstorms are held in the study or the living room.”

“Yeah, Ro’s are.”

Logan blinks. “Hm?”

“ Roman’s brainstorms with you are in the living room or the study or whatever. That’s ‘cause he can do the whole write-stuff-down-talk-it-out thing. I gotta be doing something.”

Logan dodges a spray of…something Remus isn’t going to name but rhymes with a really frizzy hairstyle, clutching his notebook to his chest. “Would you opposed to having a brainstorm in one of those locations if you bring something to do?”

“Peachy keen, Lolo, but there’re rules about me bringing my projects to places.”

“That is true,” he mutters under his breath, “is—so I take it you would prefer to have the brainstorm here as you…work?”

“Yep.” When Logan doesn’t say anything for a moment, Remus lowers his bone saw and glances over at him. “Is…is that okay?”

“Well, I’m going to have to change my state of dress, and take audio recordings that I’ll have to transcribe later, but yes, I believe that is acceptable. You’ll have to give me a moment to change.”

“Yeah, sure, go ahead.”

Logan nods and weaves his way carefully around the mounds of blubber starting to grow around Remus’s work station. Remus watches him go, a chunk falling slowly off of his shoulder, before he looks back at the carcass. He still has a few hours of work to properly strip it to where it’s usable, and this kind of work is nice for brainstorming ‘cause it’s mostly rote at this point, but there’s a sudden greyness to everything. Like if he raised his tools and tried to keep going the whale might turn to paper in front of him.

He sits there amidst his carnage, the faint sound of the piranhas nibbling away in the sloshing water behind him. He looks down at his hands, at the calluses and old scars. The bone saw lies limply across his knee.

Logan didn’t seem angry that he’d misunderstood what he wanted, but he did seem disappointed. Like he really wanted Remus to not be doing this and come to the study to do the brainstorm. Like Roman. But Roman’s process wasn’t Remus’s process and Logan had asked specifically to brainstorm with Remus.

The familiar sound of rain boots squishing through viscera brings him back, glancing over to see Logan wading through toward him with a recorder in one hand and an umbrella in the other.

“Whoa, cool jacket.”

“Thank you, I had Virgil help me design it after the one you made for him.” Logan brandishes the recorder and eyes the whale corpse. “Well, shall we get to it?”

“I’ve already got a few ideas.”

2.

Remus bounces up and down on the balls of his feet, barely resisting the urge to flap his hands. This is it! He’s finally been allowed to join in on the communal baking day where everyone gets to make their own dessert for movie night. He stayed up late last night thinking of all the delicious things they could make and finally, finally got his list down to just five options. He’s really leaning toward the strawberry fruit tart but the lemon squares look so good but the pumpkin spice cookies would be so much fun to decorate—

Something shoves him gently into the wall and he grins as Roman ruffles his hair a little too hard.

“Roro!”

“Hey, Re, you look excited.” Roman chuckles as Remus chews excitedly on his costume collar. “You ready?”

“I’ve been waiting all day for this!”

“Roman? Is Remus there?”

“He’s all yours, Padre.” Roman winks and ruffles his hair again. “Go get ‘em.”

Remus bounds into the kitchen, startling Patton a little as he sets something on the counter. He reaches into his pocket for the piece of paper—he even wrote it on paper this time to make it easier—and opens his mouth to explain his options, when—

“Good, I wondered where you were. Could you go ahead and measure the white sugar out for me?”

Remus pauses. Patton looks at him expectantly, holding out the cup. He takes it slowly, glancing at the containers and bowls already amassed on the counter. “Uh—what?”

“The white sugar. Granulated sugar, if you’d prefer. It’s in this one over here—“ he indicates a white paper bag— “and it just goes in that bowl there.”

A bit of grey flickers across his vision. “But we haven’t chosen what we’re making yet.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t tell you. We’re just gonna be making chocolate chip cookies.”

He frowns. “Ro said we get to choose what we make.”

Patton’s smile twitches a bit. “Oh, I just figured it would be—since we always have chocolate chip and it’s your first time—the others have already made their choices, they did it yesterday—“

Patton keeps talking as the list in his hand slowly greys out. They did it…yesterday? And didn’t tell Remus? But Ro said that he could pick…

“…so I figured this would be the easiest.” Patton’s still talking. “But if you really, really want to make something else, then—“

“No,” he grits out, shoving the list in his pocket and going over to the sugar, “I love chocolate chip cookies.”

“Oh, good. I’m glad, I love them too! Yeah, so that just goes in there.”

As they bake, or as Patton tells Remus what to do and watches him carefully as he does it, he can’t help thinking that this isn’t at all what Roman said it was like and how he doesn’t…really want to do it ever again. But at least he can eat as much of the cookie dough as he wants while Patton isn’t looking.

3.

“…hey, Snakey?”

Janus looks up from his book with the patented what-did-you-do-how-much-of-your-mess-am-I-going-to-have-to-clean-up expression and Remus squirms under it. He raises an eyebrow.

“Would you teach me how to dance?”

The expression morphs into one of surprise in an instant. He sets down his book. “Certainly, I can teach you. What for?”

”There’s a, uh, thing in the Imagination next month that me and Ro are putting on and we, uh, part of it’s a ball thing.”

“Mm. Will the rest of us be invited?”

“…I think so? I dunno, I need to talk to Ro. We, uh, no one else knows about it yet.”

“Ooh, a secret, I do love those.”

“Are you gonna help me or not?”

Janus chuckles, getting to his feet and holding out a hand. Remus takes it and blinks as Janus takes them to a room in the Imagination he’s never seen before. Which in and of itself isn’t all that weird, because there are plenty of things that Ro makes that he never sees, but this one feels…familiar, almost. Like he’s seen it in a dream or something and only just now actually being able to picture it clearly.

At the very back of the theater, hidden in the shadows, some of the red seats look a little faded.

“Alright,” Janus says, “we’re going to learn a very simple waltz.”

“Okay. What do I do?”

“Well, you’re part of Thomas, and Thomas knows how to do a box step, which means most of it is already in there somewhere.” Janus taps the side of his head. “So, put your arms around me—no, no! Remus, put me down.”

“You said put my arms around you.”

“Not like that, like this.” Janus takes one of his hands and puts it on his waist, holding the other one out to the side. “Don’t—we’re not about to charge someone, Remus, relax.”

He goes all noodley and Janus sighs, making him stand back up with his arms not held out like he’s brandishing a weapon. Once they’re standing in a way that he approves of, he starts explaining how the steps work.

“Can you show me your box step?”

“While I’m holding you?”

“Good point.” Janus takes three very large steps backward and folds his arms. “Go ahead.”

Remus does his box step. Janus looks at him with his head tilted and sighs again. Every time he sighs a few more seats get a little greyer.

“I suppose it could be worse. Now, here’s what I’d like you to do: hold onto me, yes, like that, and do your box step. I am going to do an opposite box step and we are going to just try that, okay?”

Remus nods, looking down to make sure he doesn’t step on Janus, and starts his box. Janus moves back but he’s moving in a way that makes Remus have to let go.

“Hold onto me.”

“But you moved.”

“We’re dancing, Remus, we’re going to move.”

“But you—okay.”

Despite Janus’s patience—and fond exasperation that sometimes isn’t quite as fond—Remus can’t help but get hot behind the ears at how his body just doesn’t seem to want to do any of this. But every time they turn to face the back of the curtain, he sees memories of Roman dancing effortlessly in the big palace ballroom and he grits his teeth.

The curtains have gone grey by the time Janus calls an end to the misery of a lesson.

4.

“C’mon, Emo, you can do it…” Virgil’s next inhale is almost a whine. “Shh, shh, it’s…it’s okay, just…just try and breathe.”

“It’s not working.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re panicking—“

“I know I’m panicking! Knowing I’m panicking doesn’t help!”

Remus winces as Virgil almost shoves him away, He goes, because when someone’s having a panic attack and they let you know you’re making it worse, then you leave. But he can’t pull away too much because Virgil is hurting himself and that’s why he got summoned in the first place.

“Little spider,” he tries again, and Virgil lets him shift a little closer, “I’m…I don’t know what to do.”

Not the thing to say when someone’s having a panic attack. Virgil sobs again, curling up even tighter, beginning to make small hitching noises whenever he can draw breath.

“Remus? Virgil? What’s—oh. Oh, no.”

”Ro?”

Roman hurries toward them, falling to his knees next to the shaking pile of Virgil, immediately pressing a kiss to his head and going to wrap his arms around him.

“Wait, he doesn’t want to be…” Remus trails off as Virgil immediately clings to Roman, latching on like a limpet and refusing to let go.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay, Stormcloud, I’m right here. Shh, shh, shh, you’re alright, you’re safe, nothing’s gonna hurt you right now.”

It’s not fair of him to be jealous when Roman gets Virgil to calm down almost right away. It’s not fair of him to be resentful that Roman’s who Virgil wants when he’s upset. It’s not fair to be upset or offended by what someone needs to come out of having a panic attack. That’s not cool, it’s not right, it’s not fair to Virgil or Roman or himself.

But Remus watches Roman cuddle Virgil and press gentle kisses to his forehead, and he looks down at his own hands that still have some Kraken slime on them from when he got summoned, and he sinks out before Virgil’s feeling all the way better.

He hates himself a little more for it, but not as much as he hates himself for not being the person that Virgil wanted.

5.

It would be easier if Roman were shitty about it.

If he made a point to hold it over Remus’s head, or if he tried to help out of pity or pushed the others into including Remus when it was obvious that no one really wanted to, it would be better. But no, Ro doesn’t even seem to know it’s happening. Which is shitty in and of itself, but the others don’t even realize they’re doing it sometimes and it’s never where Roman is anywhere within earshot. It’s just glaringly fucking obvious that Remus is not Roman and everyone else fucking knows it.

It would be better if they weren’t both Creativity. It would be better if Roman and him weren’t constantly lumped together. It would be better if he was actually capable of truly hating Roman.

But he can’t. Because Roman’s his brother and he loves him more than he hates himself.

He doesn’t hate himself, not really. He loves his energy, loves his drive, loves his willingness to do whatever, explore whatever, be whatever, he wouldn’t want to be like anyone else because then who would be him? But he hates the way that the version of himself he wants to be is the exact fucking opposite of everything he has to be in order to not be always a little bit worse than Roman.

Even his fucking Kraken prefers Roman.

He’d shown up to Ollie’s pond with his favorite chum and the ball with the holes big enough for his arms so they could play catch, but Ollie had sniffed around and seen that there was only one of them—and it wasn’t Roman, and he’d drifted off into the corner of the pond to sulk. No amount of coaxing or bribing had been able to make the Kraken do anything more than half-heartedly chuck the ball not even halfway across the pond.

Remus left before he started crying and went to the dark underwater sea cave deep underneath the black tower’s subbasement. He shifted enough so he could breathe underwater and curled up in the thick kelp forest where no one would be able to find him unless they poked around with a flashlight. The kelp dissipated the sound waves of his sobs, a tentacle in his mouth to muffle them even further. Along the bottom of the cave, tiny tetra fish nibbled at his scales.

He’d stayed there for at least an hour before he realized that no one would come to look for him, so he’s been drifting ever since. Every so often the tears return, the kelp absorbing them as readily as ever, at least until they taper off again and he just floats there, in the water while the fish nibble the dead skin away from his scales. There was something comforting about the greyness of the water, how smooth and quiet it was, how easy it was to just look at the shape of the kelp and the movement of the fish and just drift…alone.

Yeah, it’d be much easier if Roman was shitty about it. But he isn’t, and that’s just another way that he’s better than Remus.

+1.

Remus doesn’t even have time to lie down and close his eyes before someone’s grabbing him around the waist and sinking him into the Imagination. They crash into a pile of pillows and he gets a mouthful of one, spluttering.

” Ro!”

”Hey, you always do it to me! Payback time!” He barely gets himself free before Roman’s throwing a pillow at him. “Now arm yourself!”

“What—“ he dodges Roman’s swing— “hey!”

“No talking, only pillow fighting!”

Remus manages to get the big green pillow up in front of his face just as Roman launches himself off another pile and come barreling down at him. He rolls onto his side and swats Roman across the face. Roman yelps and laughs and swats him back.

“You’re not winning this time!”

“I didn’t win last time! I— ack!”

“C’mon, Re, I know you can do better than that!”

“Oh, it’s on.”

The two of them turn the pillow piles into a war zone, launching projectiles and themselves from various places until Roman gets Remus’s arms pinned and he can bap him lightly in the face over and over and over.

“ Ack—ppth—Ro!”

“Do you yield?”

“Yeah, yeah, you— pffthp— I fucking yield.”

Roman chuckles and presses a big smacking kiss to Remus’s cheek, rolling off of him and sprawling out across the pillow carnage with a contented sigh. Remus winces, pulling himself into a sitting position, grabbing one of the plushier pillows to hold.

They’re in one of the higher tree canopy tents, he realizes as he takes in their surroundings without the distraction of plush warfare. Overlooking the massive waterfalls with the help of the full moon and the soft glow of the amber lanterns overhead, he can spot a few of the others in trees surrounding the falls as the rush and roar of the water fades soothingly into the background. The soft sweet smell of fresh water wafts upwards, mixing with the cool night air. He curls up a little more, hugging the pillow, watching the water rush by.

“So,” Roman grunts as he sits up a few moments later, “are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing’s wrong.”

“Mhm.” Something pokes his side and Remus yelps. “You sure?”

“Yes! Yes, I’m sure, I— eep!”

”You really sure?” Fingers keep poking and kneading his sides and trying to get under the pillow. “You really, really sure nothing’s wrong?”

“I said no!”

He moves without thinking. One second Roman’s sitting next to him and the next he’s sprawled near the other side of the tent. A horrible itchy guilty mess starts building in the back of Remus’s throat and he looks away before he can watch the shutter fall over Roman’s face.

Because that’s why Roman did all this, isn’t it? He noticed Remus was upset and because he’s a good brother, he took him to their favorite sleeping spot and had a pillow fight with him and asked him if he was okay. Because Remus isn’t like Roman and he didn’t appreciate any of it and then he just shoved Roman away when all he was doing was trying to help and he really is just the worst brother ever, isn’t he?

”I could’ve done that better,” he hears softly before the gentlest arms wrap around his shoulders and there’s a warm chin on his left one, “I knew better, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it worse.”

“You’re fine.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Re, I just—I’m worried about you.”

“…you are?”

“Yeah. You’ve been—you’ve been kinda grey lately, you know? I’ve tried asking the others if they know what’s been going on, but they don’t—whoa, hey, hey,” Roman whispers when Remus starts to sniffle, “hey, c’mere, let me cuddle you, hey, talk to me, what’s going on?”

“‘M sorry, it’s not your fault, promise—“

“Hey, hey, uh-uh, none of that, you’re okay.” Roman pulls him into a weird pretzel ball of limbs and hooks his chin over his shoulder. “Does it have something to do with the others?”

“…it’s not their fault either.”

“Now I think we both know that might not be entirely true.”

“‘S stupid.”

“It’s making you upset, Re, it’s not stupid.”

“But it’s true!”

“What’s true?”

“You’re—you’re better than m-me.”

Roman goes very still for a second, then he pulls back and cups Remus’s face in his hands. “What the hell do you mean, ‘I’m better than you?’”

And just like that, the whole sorry story comes driveling out of him. About how Logan didn’t really want to do the brainstorm, about how Patton didn’t let him pick what he wanted to bake, about how he couldn’t comfort Virgil properly, about how hard trying to learn how to dance was, even how Ollie didn’t want to play with him. And Roman looks at him and his face falls and then he’s shaking his head and squishing Remus’s cheeks a little.

“You’re not worse than I am and I’m not better than you. We’re different, and that’s fine and good. Who gives a shit if Logan got a bit messy, you’re the one who can multitask way better than anyone else here. You have the discipline to actually train with all of your weapons and you can fight with all of them. And who the hell does Patton think he is that he can regiment who can bake what? I’ll bake with you next time and we can make whatever the hell you want. And as for Virgil—you know he only started coming to me because he missed you, right? I’m serious,” he continues when Remus’s eyes almost bug out of his head, “he said that your energy was really comforting when he was growing up and I have a similar one so he started coming to me. Don’t tell him I told you that, though.”

“I won’t,” he mumbles, but he’s still too caught up on everything else.

“I don’t give a shit what they all think, you hear me? I think you’re incredible and you’re my brother. I’m the only one allowed to start our stupid sibling rivalry shit.”

”What about me?”

“Fine, you can start it too. But only us, okay?”

Remus sniffles. “But then why didn’t Ollie want to play with me?”

“Because you don’t sneak him treats when you play Toss.”

”Wait, you what?”

“Uh, I mean—“

Remus grabs a pillow and thwacks Roman over the head with it. Roman bursts out laughing and half hugs, half tackles Remus to the ground.

“You’re fucking great all on your own, Re, you don’t need anyone else’s approval.” He leans up a bit. “But you always have mine, okay? I’m always gonna think you’re the greatest.”

“Even when I put slime in your bed?”

“I’ll get you back by putting dragon splines in yours.”

“You better not.”

“Don’t put slime in my bed, then.”

Remus gives another sniffly little laugh and Roman ruffles his hair. They both lie down to look at the waterfall, arms wrapped around each other.

“…hey Ro?”

“Mhm?”

“You’re the best brother ever.”

“No,” Roman says, booping Remus’s nose, “ you are.”

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash  @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs @el-does-photography @princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv  @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl

[icarusredwings]

Partically inspired by @giddyaunt425

Went to the pool today and had some thoughts (because I can't escape the brain rot sooo)

What I think everyone would be doing at the

☆Incarnation and Co Pool Party☆

For regulation reasons, only those who are available are attending, including all of the past incarnations due to some sort of freak accident at UNIT that im too lazy to think of right now.

(Feel free to add what else you think these lunatics would be doing! Use the tag #Incarnation pool party)

1 is laying under an umbrella half asleep and complaining that he's going to get a sunburn if he falls asleep.

('But if Susan was here, she wouldn't let me get burnt')

2 has been given a beach ball and is honestly just happy to be playing in the water. He told 1 that he would keep an eye on him, but let's be honest - he already forgot.

(And he missed Jamie. He probably would have mentioned Atlantis.)

3 and Delgado! Master are over in the sand pit, bickering on how their sand castle should look.

(3 says it shouldn't have that many windows, Delgado disagrees, making more windows and claiming that they need the natural lighting.)

4 is in nothing but his scarf and his trunks taking a nap on one of the sun bathing chairs.

(This is probably the best sleep he's had in a long time, but... He pprroobbaallyy has a sunburn now. This is what 1 was worried about.)

So is Yana!Master, who was lucky enough to be prudish enough to only show his forearms and shins, which are now also burnt.

(Despite Donna's constant shouting about sunscreen and how 'You blokes are too pale to be out here with nothin' but your longjohns!' But he is still infact the Master. Which means, of course, denying authority)

5 is in the field portion trying to teach Dhawan! Master, Dan, and Martha how to play cricket. (but is getting visibly frustrated. Seriously- who signed him up to babysit?)

Tegan is watching 5 trying to understand Dhawan's nonsense from the sidelines, smirking.

(She signed him up to babysit)

6 has the most ridiculous looking one piece known to man, sitting on the edge of the pool at the deep end.

(He's kicking his legs in the water and cheekily splashing 7 and Mel)

Mel is on 7s arm in a frilly two-piece, giggling at the fact 7 refuses to take off his hat despite the water being up to his chest.

(He's asking Ace not to drown him, Ace responds, 'No promises, professor' and proceeds to dunk him, which gets them the whistle for roughhousing. His hat is now soaked.)

Graham is talking about processing grief with 9. (The name Grace has come up at least 30 times already.)

9 seems weary of the water. (Sometime later, he's found hugging 10 and telling him about the beach they took Rose to.)

8 is on the other side of the pool, slathered in SPF 80° with a book and regretting his seating choices. He's trying his darndest to ignore his neighbors.

(While also evesdroping each time he hears the name 'Grace')

His neighbor in question is Donna, who is already four margaritas in and keeps shouting at various things at people over the very loud party music that's playing from under her chair's radio.

(Sometimes threatening to drown a specific someone if they didn't stop terrorizing Ainley!Master, who kept hissing for getting purposly splashed)

From 'Do a flip!' Towards Simm!Master, who keeps hogging the diving board, demanding that 10 watch every single jump and challenging him to make bigger splashes than him.

(Donna told Simm that 10 needs babysat and 15 told 10 that Simm needs babysat so now they are both simultaneously babysitting each other)

To 'WOOO! Get'em!' At the game of Chicken going on between a team of 11 and 13 VS 12 and Missy.

12 is complaining that Missy is heavy and Missy accuses him of insinuating something, which in turn leads to 13 insulting 12.

(That he was 'just weak and couldn't afford the upgrade because she can carry 11 just fine'.)

14 is next to her and can't stop laughing at her shenanigans. Sometimes, he tries apologizing to 8 and Roberts! Master (who keeps covering his ears from such loud music and shouting) but, unfortunately, is SEVEN margaritas in.

(So was otherwise just as- if not more- noisy and is now attempting to dance)

S10 Saxon!Master has rolled his eyes at least a billion times by now at the others' antics (smirking at the sight of their hiddeous dancing) and keeps finishing off 14s half drank margaritas.

(You would need a drink too if you had to deal with all this bullshit)

All the way across the pool, Ruby and Yaz are gossiping about their time with the Doctor and their past incarnations. (They're heavily trying to figure out what the Masters deal is too, Seriously- why are some of them chill, some creepy, some insane and some flat out an ass? They had a list as follows;

The sensitive master: Chill + Creepy

The girl master: Chill + Insane

The grandpa master: Chill + Chill

The bitchy master: Ass + Ass

13s master: Creepy + Insane

The master with rabies: Insane + insane

The one master who apprently knows a lot about sand castles: Chill + Ass

The master that kept hissing when you splash water on him: Creepy + Ass)

15 is sat on a life gaurd tower, whistle around his neck, sonic in hand and in an orange speedo, watching everyone like a hawk so that his past selves can heal and enjoy themselves.

(Oh, and did I mention Donna confiscated everyone's Sonic's/Lazers except for 15s?)

[bigassbowlingballhead]

“I can’t watch Heartstopper”: In Defence of Queer Cringe

“Cringe” is a term that comes up often; nearly anything can be labeled as cringey—a pop song, a text from an ex, or anything associated with Katy Perry. This dismissive label typically reflects discomfort with earnestness or vulnerability, especially in a media landscape that leans toward irony and detachment. I've also noticed it being used in discussions about the 2022 Netflix show ‘Heartstopper’. The thing is, Heartstopper is cringey, it’s a television show about teenagers in love, it’s going to elicit some eye-rolls—the overt sweetness, dreamy visuals and earnest storytelling—this “cringe” is not just an aesthetic choice, it’s a vital part of a broader cultural conversation. But so, what? Isn’t there a place for earnestness in storytelling, especially in a genre often fraught with angst and tragedy? 

Heartstopper follows Charlie Spring (Joe Locke), the kind, shy, and funny protagonist you’d expect from a popular young adult novel. He navigates Year 10, then 11, and finally Sixth Form with the support of his friends, family, and, most importantly, his perfect book boyfriend, Nick Nelson (Kit Connor). When people label Heartstopper as “cringe,” it often comes from a place of skepticism. They roll their eyes at Charlie and Nick’s heartfelt declarations of love, at the large, supportive friend group that all seem to fall under the rainbow umbrella and criticize the storytelling as unrealistic. Yet, in 2024, while no one claims that homophobia has been completely eradicated, it’s important to remember that this show depicts two middle-class English boys in love. It’s hardly a gritty topic.

The real issue is that queer narratives, especially those aimed at younger audiences, tend to be held to a higher standard than their heterosexual counterparts. We’ve watched countless seasons of shows like One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, and Pretty Little Liars, filled with melodrama, outrageous plot twists, and questionable acting. Yet those shows are given a pass because they fit familiar teen drama tropes, while queer stories face scrutiny for not being “serious” enough.

For many older queer viewers, Heartstopper acts as a healing balm; it’s not just refreshing—it’s revolutionary. The show beautifully captures the sweetness of young love and the journey of self-discovery, presenting a reality that many have longed for but rarely encountered in mainstream media. In this context, the moments deemed "cringe" become acts of rebellion, challenging the idea that queer narratives must always be rooted in trauma or tragedy.

So, while Heartstopper may be cringey, it’s essential to recognize the significance of it. It speaks to a generation craving them kind of representation that acknowledges joy alongside struggle. We shouldn’t hold queer narratives to a higher standard of seriousness while allowing their straight counterparts to thrive in melodrama and absurdity.

Fun fact, for this post, I asked some Tumblr users (yes, Tumblr still exists, don’t worry about it), what they think of the cringe label, and they responded with a resounding: “yes, and?”

SCREAM THAT KATY PERRY LINE IS SO HFDKSFHKSDLFHDKL

this is great!!! I hope you get an A

[blookmallow]

selfshippers,or 'x Reader' people as you said do know about the source material, and likely enjoy all of those gory details, however part of the appeal is being the only 'exception' to the murderer/slasher because they love the reader so dearly, or are obsessed with the reader. Sometimes is masochistic,sometimes people,willingly,depict their relationships with these characters as abusive. Some fantasize about being killed by the slashers themselves. All that falls under a fantasizing umbrella,along with (not always,but often) being a way to cope with the reader's own trauma, since a slasher is fictional and cannot truly hurt them and permits exploration of their own trauma within their own limits. Also, while i see it feels out of character (i.e the period thing) theres nothing wrong in seeking comfort even within twisted fiction,and I'm sure that a lot of the readers have their own lore and backstory that explains why a slasher would be so lenient towards them. Some love the out of character,some cringe and dislike it, but it's all harmless.

it Is harmless but i have the right to think it's weird and annoying just the same as they have the right to make them :y

I'm not harassing them and nobody else should either, thats not what im doing here

i love a "scary/dangerous person but they're soft for the person they love" but some characters it's just nonsensically out of character to write those fantasies for. we saw someone try to flirt with him as if he's harmless and he kidnapped her and cut her in half. we saw someone try to show him kindness and affection and he killed her and wore her skin. art the clown is not a character who would have a one special exception. if you want to fantasize that he would and that it's you, sure, do that, I can't stop you. do what you want, y'all can be weirdos if you want but im still gonna tell you you're weird

[ran-orimoto]

[ Like always, @teclajellymon made me notice I hadn’t cross-posted my monthly (laughing) Junzumi one-shot here, so ,thank you, Tecla. Again.This time I offer you a different Junzumi, not really the one you’re used to because Izumi isn’t really that present in this, except in an indirect way. Actually I think it’s high time I started dealing with creating a family background for Izumi , and soon for Junpei as well. So, something different for September. But hello, it’s already October✨ .]

{La gente che incontri nella pioggia } | {Those you meet under the rain}

If Blitzmon hated him so much, because there was no way he could bring himself to believe he was detested by Nature itself, he should tell him that right away, so they could find a good compromise allowing him to live a normal life.

He wasn’t asking for that much. He just wanted to be safely allowed to jump on a train taking him far from home, get off at a random stop, take a stroll through the narrow streets of a park and their shadows, wandering in a maze made of hundred alleys.

Until it dawned on him the building complex he had been led to looked way too familiar along with that little square before it, the benches, the trees scattering leaves on their white marble, the residents hurrying to the glass door, eager to go back home after a long work day and just giving a glance to that young bizarre stranger they had never seen before.

Probably.

And his ravings, with which he had been repeating the same two or three sentences, suddenly quieted down, getting stuck in his throat as if to warn him there was someone else who wanted to talk as much as he wanted to, though with much more resolution.

…

“If you…I just…I mean, nothin-“ He knew it was just a mischievous illusion that had just made him believe the scenario in front of him had shaken like if devastated by an earthquake.

Still, what came afterwards, the chilly feeling of drops falling on the tip of his fingers, the sensation of wiping them as they slipped down his skin was real, just like the expletive he soon muttered with all the irritation building up in his bosom.

At that point, after having done, indeed, not done that so many times, it would have been better if he just gave up getting angry at himself and that matching part of his spirit he had left who knew where.

He was a peculiar gone case, constantly perservering in forgetting his umbrella at home. Buttoning his shirt up downstairs while keeping the TV turned on in the background, a woman blabbing and pointing at a map dotted with glowing clouds dominating the screen, hadn’t helped, either, apparently.

Blitzmon had nothing to do with his tendency to make the same mistakes all over again, no matter Izumi herself had scolded him over that once, back when he had showed up at a meeting of their group soaking wet from head to toe…Grinning like an idiot because he believed that would magically calm her down. He hated being treated like Takuya and that afternoon she unfortunately had, which was the reason why he hadn’t been able to enjoy the rare shower of attention he had been receiving by no one else but her.

Much stronger than before, no longer sounding like someone shifting furniture by making wood legs slid and screech against the floor, the second thunder of that tempest ensured Junpei heard its roar loud and clear at that round.

Ok, ok, I get it. it’s high time I went back home.

After all he had nothing to do there.

Needless to underline how he didn’t dare to speak after that rumble, but even if he had had, his usual blabbing would have come out in the form of incoherent stutters, even worse than the ones he had been fighting against for hours. To the boy who’s still deathly afraid of the voice of the skies, those shouts would almost sound deafening, like the steps of giant dinosaurs created by special effects in those documentaries he often enjoyed watching; like the prelude to an imminent end of the world.

Thus, petrified yet trembling at the same time, - out of both terror and cold-, unable to go further or back, he stood still in the heart of that cascade seeming to have gained tonnes in weight. Water was getting heavier, thicker, freezing, infiltrating not only in his shoes and socks, but also in the opening spaces of his gakuran.

If he was restored to his mobility, he was sure he would stay where he was, maybe exploiting that silent bless just to crouch down and sigh, because the subsequent, abrupt drop of temperature was brought by a mist of condensation quickly swallowing his surroundings in a humid blur. He had paradoxically got lost in a place he knew pretty well. Though he was aware in what exact spot he was, he found himself getting progressively confused about which direction would have led him to the station in brighter, -literally and figuratively-, circumstances. Whether he headed for right or left, or took the path behind him ,whose contours were fading in the spectral greyness in leaps and bounds, it wasn’t granted he wouldn’t disappear as well, swift hypothesis that made him resign to the fact he had exchanged his rationality for a mush of nonsense.

Like usual, nothing new there. No matter how often he would keep on getting caught in the storm, he would always go through all the stages of that descent into the most recondite parts of his brain: it was precisely in those moments when he tossed the crumbs of his common sense away like bread thrown at pidgeons, he would understand why they had been secluded in such depths.

In most cases he would manage to snap out of it by himself. The puzzle his present had transformed into would tidy its tiles; the shivers running up and down his body would start making him feel more alive than ever; his orbs, which had been wide open for the whole time being, would feel like having just come out from the darkness to make him realize there was another kind of fog that should concern him more than the one hovering over Shinjuku, and he would need to dissipate it as soon as possible before he developed a cold or worse.

He would with his willpower, his hands, or…An umbrella.

An umbrella that wasn’t his, of course. Although he was in that emaciated state, he could have never had doubts about that.

The metallic tip pointed at his chest, piercing through the pall of moisture like a sword, didn’t obviously belong to him.

He blinked at the item suspended in the air, exclusively focusing on its cylindrical shape as if it was being held by an invisible ghost and not by a tall man in the flesh. It could be stated he was ignoring that silhouette on purpose, not finding it reassuring to acknowledge the only elements of the enviroment that were clearly visible were that stranger and his two umbrellas, -the one he had unsheathed against him and another perched on his shoulder to protect his well-combed strands from the rain. His blonde strands.

“Prendi,” To him, it was much easier to convince himself an umbrella had just spoken with a tenebrous tone, -in italian, nonetheless!-, than accepting that man, an ordinary human, had. “Oh! I’m talking to you,” Still, Junpei’s foolish intent became increasingly harder due to those tugs given to the item to highlight the peremptory message. “Will you grab this umbrella, per l’amor del cielo…? Oh mio Dio, possibile che siate tutti degli idioti?”

Now there were so many other things making him shudder: the tangible exasperation expressed in an advanced italian, almost dialectal, which he would have never been able to translate without a vocabulary, the boiling impatience clashing with the azure of peaceful mornings, wrinkles creating furrows on the surface of a wide forehead, -the type itself you would associate with men endowed with remarkable intelligence-.

No…It wasn’t weird. He might not be a great observant, -or so he was bound to believe for reasons-, but back when Izumi had decided to organize her twelfth birthday party at her place, oh if he hadn’t stared.

It wasn’t a miracle if he could still recall some specific details after years from that day, still vividly blushing at the memory of her endeared mother giggling at that Junpei-Kun being such a shy child, unlike the other boys, even someone as reserved as Kouji who had been amiably chatting with the welcoming couple, quenching their lovely curiosity’s thirst by replying to any question of theirs.

In his defence, he couldn’t help it: in spite of how different she looked from Izumi, with those soft auburn curls framing her angular features, the woman was so beautiful he hadn’t been able to keep himself from wondering Izumi would grow up in such a gorgeous adult someday. Whenever she asked him about his hobbies, he would avert his gaze and stammer on his own answer, which would make the woman gently laugh and occasionally coo.

He absolutely wasn’t like that, but he had let Izumi’s parents temporarily consider him as a polite, timid, bashful friend of their daughter. He had told himself he would introduce himself properly next time they would cross paths, but it seemed it wasn’t an urgent necessity for now, -or, perhaps, it was never going to be-, judging from his behaviour in the man’s regards.

In Signor Orimoto’s.

“Ehm…No,” He mumbled, internally screaming since he had no idea about what he was exactly doing. He chose to pick a courteous expression he had learnt to heart from a list of useful phrases any tourist going to Italy should keep in mind. The magic formula that would rescue him from his embarrassing trouble in the blink of an eye. For Heaven’s sake, what had he done? “No, grazie, S-Signor Orimoto.”

“N-no grazie?” The man predictably repeated and the echo of his own idiocies made him wish his briefcase, brimming with the most desparate, useless bits and pieces, could make him sink underground. Nevertheless, what happened was that he got dragged to the entrance of the building, under a roof which made the rain tapping turn muffled and even relaxing at some extent, -if he could just calm down!- “No grazie?! What does that even mean? Vedi se prendi questo ombrello! And hurry, please! I have to pick Izumi up.”

So, she isn’t at home. I see. This whole mess for nothing, He found himself cracking a smile of incomprehensible relief, making the adult fairly perplexed.

“No!” Waving his hands in front of his visual field, now shadowed by the tangle of his longish bangs, he attempted to recompose himself without success. He would have bowed repeatedly, if he hadn't known it would spoil his hairstyle even more. " Signor Orimoto, I thank you again, but I don’t really need your umbrella. It only takes two minutes to get to the station. I-I will be fine, no need to worry about me, eh eh.”

“I know where the station is and I still insist you do,” If he could forget that tragicomedy he was living in and mute that sort of scold, he would take his time to appreciate that unique dance of fingers of his. As collected as she wanted to be, Izumi would try avoiding being so colourful in her silver tongue as much as she could, keeping her hands on her thighs and making them hang onto them when the urge became too unbearable to control. “You can keep it until you see Izumi again. It’s just a spare umbrella. We are the ones not needing it.”

His irises , now filled not only with honey but also with uninvited melancholy, jumped back into the insubstantiality of a non-existent horizon. Though that was what he initially wanted, he didn’t get the so-longed result of succeeding at kicking some certain thoughts away.

You see, the fact is that I never get to see Izumi-Chan. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been here in the hope of talking to her after so long. But now…I’m kinda glad my plan has failed so miserably. What would have I told her if she had found me here, seriously?! How could she have believed I was just taking a stroll?! Couldn’t you have just called her, idiot?!

It came a spontaneous consequence for him to ask himself if that hadn’t been some kind of punishment for his incorrigible immaturity, his indelibile cowardice. Actually , if he could be honest with himself, in that pattern of concatenated events he could definitely identify something similar to a law of retaliation. He had been dreaming about meeting Izumi in a sunny afternoon for days, picturing her surprised response, her shining, alluring jades conveying the same happiness he was feeling, whereas in his reality he had run into her father in the middle of a pouring disaster and had also annoyed him with that attitude of his.

Again, what was he thinking he was doing?

“So you won’t accept to borrow my umbrella.”

Overwhelmed by the speed of that unappreciated stream of consciousness, he limited himself to hang his head in a willing mutism.

“You have deliberately chosen to go back to the station without my umbrella.”

Then, he raised his chin, and ,somehow, the man found that funny enough to burst into a series of entertained chuckles.

“You have retreated into the shell again, haven’t you? I guess I have insisted too much. It’s just that you boys are so reckless nowadays. You are all the same, cookie-cutter.”

“I’m n-not reckless,” At those insinuations, he couldn’t continue escaping from the direct contact with him any more. “I just…I just…” But it dawned on him it wasn’t like he had a lot of arguments to cling to, especially in front of a skilled, respected diplomat. He couldn’t really complain about how he didn’t want to be compared with people like Takuya, the only impulsive one of their group, when he was...When he was just stupid. So stupid. And now he had been left questioning if there was an actual difference between their flawed personalities. Simultaneously, he couldn’t really explain him why he had been rejecting his offer with so much determination, either.

“Yeah, it feels strange to label someone like you reckless,” After a second of startled hesitation, the man pretended to be clearing his throat with a fake cough. “But today I felt like I’ve got to get a glimpse of a side of yourself I would have never imagined it even existed.”

“You mean…The side of myself that can speak?”

He regretted having been so blunt, externalizing a wave of ashamed disgust towards those recollections they shared.

“More or less, yeah. I like finding out what you boys hide under your surface. At first I told myself Takuya acted without thinking, would hurt himself by putting his hand in fire, but then I have realized he does that because he puts his safety behind the one of those he cares about,” Like that, he went on scrolling through a past spent with Izumi’s friends, an amount of time he seemed to have greatly benefited from. At a certain point Junpei got the impression Izumi was by his side, as he was convinced there was no one else who knew them so well. Yet, he might have been wrong for all those years or, probably, it was merely one of the special gifts the family had been given. As far as concerned himself, he could only blather in that way when it came to Izumi’s endless list of good points and talents. “Kouji often gives you the impression you are bothering him, but the truth is that there are just days he doesn’t feel like being in the company of other people. Kouichi is placid, it’s soothing to chat with him, but sometimes I get the feeling he has gone through a lot and I will start pondering my words, -you know, I tend to talk a lot and my wife says I should shut up because I sound like a parrot, ah ah-. Tomoki is one of those lads you should never understeem. Of course, he’s the youngest of you all, so I used to treat him differently, if you get what I mean. I’m glad he made me notice I should have given him more credit. He’s so clever and he can also handle debates brilliantly. And finally-“

“And finally there’s me…Who can speak,” He didn’t know if he was feeling a pang of envy at those compliments addressed to the others, but he recognized he was at fault there since he had been running away from an enormous amount of chances. During his middle school years his crush on Izumi had…Changed, and a hunch would always suggest he should decline each of Izumi’s invitation at her place, bizarre as it sounded, -and bitter as it would taste later-.

“I admit I couldn’t believe to Izumi’s words when she told me you are not like that. Junpei non è cosi’, Papà. Non è cosí. Then, I asked her what you are like.”

“A-And what did she tell you?” The desire to vanish in a hole, which was supposed to take shape in the ground beneath his feet out of blue, became even more annoying after that display of excited interest. He thanked the rain for having sewn a curtain of hair on his face, as he was feeling tremendously self-conscious about the scarlet blood animating his cheeks and the lucid enthusiasm reflecting in his orbs. And could he be blamed about that? He absolutely wanted to listen to what Izumi thought about him. He was eager to find out if she had some peculiar opinion about him!

“She told me…” Since he was wavering, he didn’t intend to suspect he was manufacturing some lie not to make him curl up in his taciturnity again. “Papà, Junpei is Junpei.”

“J-Junpei is Junpei…” Well, that…Wasn’t what he was expecting. He wasn’t going to deny it, though he wasn’t sure whether he was disappointed or jealous because, like usual, the others seemed to blow her mind, her senses , and her sweet descriptions held such a grace they were structured as impalpable poetry carried by the wind. He could invent time machine, travel back in centuries and millennia to pick the first flower ever that had been bathed by dew, hurry back to give it to her and everything would be the same.

Of course, it would, because I don’t want to make Izumi-Chan fall for me by impressing her. Still…Still…Junpei is Junpei. What does that even mean…?

“I wonder if you know what it means,” As if he had read his mind, the man’s pensive comment overlapped with his internal struggles.

“No, I don’t.” But I wish I did.

“But how is it possible you don’t know who Junpei is?” Both flinched at one of those sporadic lightnings dashing down the wall of the waterfall, unannounced. “This damned thunderstorm is getting worse, isn’t it?”

“You should call Izumi to ensure she has been waiting for you somewhere safe instead of being here, wasting time chatting with me,” Almost comforted by that break fracturing that dialogue of theirs, Junpei promptly seized the moment to sneak out of that inconvenience.

“Hey, calma, calma, ragazzo. Izumi hasn’t finished her photoshot yet. She will call me when she does. And talking to you boys is never a waste of time. I want to know my daughter’s friends because I want her to be surrounded with wonderful people deserving to be part of her life. My wife wasn’t that pleased when she heard Izumi had a group of friends made up of boys. I was so happy, instead. The more people in my little pupa’s life, the better. That’s why it’s important for me to know you better day after day.”

It made sense, Junpei nodded to himself. He might not be the protective kind of father he imagined he would be, but he was legitimately worried about who Izumi hanged out with.

“I-I see,” He nodded for a second time just to fill the the void the man had left behind his speech, now caring about playing a more active role as an interlocutor.

”So…who is Junpei? May I know who he is?”

Without tossing that mess of mahogany attached to his forehead, he cautiously peeped at the man, at the way he was looking at him with those eyes encarved with the same jades whose shimmering he had been marveled by for years. It was a new-found familiarity, a welcome light generated by a very pleasant warmth. He smiled at himself, a grin of cautious pride his rebel strands would never manage to reach and camouflage. He could tell him more about himself. He wanted to, in spite of all that awkardness he would have to trudge through. After all, ridiculous or not, the awareness he didn't know who Junpei was yet didn't imply he had no idea about who Junpei wasn't. “I've recently decided I want to study opera singing. Oh, and I like playing piano. There's that too."

In the hope of discovering who he was, of course.

“Wow! Sembra tosto!”

“What?”

“Opera singing is hard. You must be really passionate to want to take such a path. What pushed you to make such a decision?”

”I-I,” His neck was going to sustain a big tomato instead of his head very soon. “I-l like i-italian. And I like entertaining people, seeing smiles or tears on their face, it makes any sense.”

”Junpei, ma è meraviglioso!” The bento he had frantically prepared in the morning took the way upwards from his stomach, once a powerful pat landed on his back. That lean man astoundingly concealed such a power in his muscles it made him trip in his own fears about him again. He kept on torturing his poor shoulder blades like that, chirping with renewed spirit. At that point the real question was who Signor Orimoto really was. “Then, it’s mandatory: you have to come home like the others do and tell me everything about opera. Would you look at how life mocks you? Years ago I would refuse to go to opera with colleagues, now my daughter has got a future opera singer as friend.”

Speaking of Izumi, an old-fashioned ring started vibrating in the pocket of the man’s elegant coat, right when he needed for providential help the most.

“Oh, it’s my little pupa!” As soon as he let Junpei go, the boy risked to fall on his knees, panting, with his tongue out. The only force preventing him from indulging in that state was his panic, immediately catching some words he would need to repress as soon as he could.

“No, please! Perfavore!” He cried, but in vain. When a father received a call from his daughter after a tough day of work, he would isolate himself from the whole universe to savour every single second spent with her.

“Izumi, you don’t know who-“

So, he resorted to other methods, simple yet, -he hoped-, effective. Italians spoke through gestures, so it would be hilarious if the man couldn’t get the meaning of his clasped hands, his frame oscillating back and forth, his gritted teeth, his,- detail he preferred omitting-, puppy eyes he didn’t even want to know what they looked like on him.

Please, I beg you, don’t tell her I came here to visit.

And Signor Orimoto back-pedalled at once, not resisting to give him a playful wink, though. “You don’t know who is probably coming to Japan…!”

He wasn’t certain if he was just imagining Izumi’s squeals guessing the mysterious guest without a shred of hint, but what mattered the most was that she would never know about what had happened that afternoon.

Still… Still, both she and her mother failed to understand why ,all of a sudden, the man started becoming a fan of opera, eventually also buying CDs to put in the background of the house’s library.

Years ago it had beem the turn of football, sport he had always detested, and videogames, -yes, videogames-, after a while he had begun watching documentaries about far and dangerous zones of the world and tv series about doctors, -the only one of those unexplainable interests he had ended up dropping very quickly-.

Signora Orimoto wasn’t that content about that new passion of her husband’s. At all. If she wanted to take an afternoon nap, she would have to plug her ears due to that music making the walls of their house quake.

…

”So, will you take this umbrella for once and for all?”

He scratched his chin, mulling over the persistent request with more affection now.

“I suppose, I will. Va bene.”

So he would find a more solid excuse to meet Izumi without making a fool of himself.

After all, Junpei was Junpei.

XXX

Italian notes (surprise, surprise~~~)

• Prendi: “Take it”

• Per l’amor del cielo: For Heaven’s sake.

• Oh mio Dio, possibile che siete tutti degli idioti?: “Oh my God, is it possible you all are a bunch of idiots?” Signor Orimoto was trying being *polite* and having tact in the regards of poor Junpei, eh XD?

Vedi se prendi questo ombrello: it’s a colloquial way to urge someone to, -in this case-, grab an offered umbrella as soon as they can.

• Junpei non è cosi’, Papà. Non è cosí: Junpei is not like that, Papà. He is not like that.

• Pupa is girl in sicilian. I like thinking Signor Orimoto enjoyed Sicily a lot, but that will be another story XD. However, it might also be connected with pupi siciliani, dolls used in the traditional theatre from there. By the way, I don’t think it’s that common as an affectionate nickname for your child, but my sicilian grandmother calls me that.

• Ma è meraviglioso! - But it’s wonderful !

[milllies]

Good afternoon or evening everyone, today I want to ult the Wriollets and speculate a little (actually bomb some people and a ship). And so, Fontaine came out not so long ago, but many of us have already fallen in love with the ship of Risley and Nevi, I want to tell you that it is very justified, then I want to try to express my thought correctly. And so, let's start with the fact that Risley is an exception for Nevillet in terms of intimacy. Canonically (it is said to the developers) that Nevi does not have close relationships with people, but as the judge himself tells us (literally from the beginning of plot 4.1) “I have close relationships with Risley" (Not exactly, but that’s the gist of it; those who have gone through the story will understand), this should already make us understand that the relationship between them is completely different, not the same as others. Next, Risley begins to talk about Nevi before introducing himself and helping us ONLY because we are friends of Nevillet, out of trust and respect for him.Only for this reason. I think that if we had come from someone else, they would have persecuted us with sled rags. The Duke himself says the following: “I am ready to do anything extra, just to prove my respect and trust in Nevillet.” This is 100% canon, let's move on.

We can see how the relationship between the Duke and the judge is again different, since Risley, one might say, was the only one who believed that he would cope with the task, again, the level of trust is extremely high. Next, the same scene with the word “wow”. Risley was really joking, BUT he did it because he is essentially such a person, and also did you see his face while he was looking at Hydro Dragon? We all saw his smile too. Admiration, that’s how I would describe it. He trusts Nevi and knows that he will do everything as needed (by the way, in the original voice acting he still breathes when he looks at Nevi).

Next, we will look at a romantic trope that is very popular in France: Two people under one umbrella in the rain. This always means something romantic. You can see this technique in the animated series “Lady Bug and the Super Cat”. In one of the episodes, Marinette did not want to leave the school building because of the rain, but then Adrian appears with an umbrella and a scene occurs between them long staring contests. As a result, Adrian gives up his umbrella and leaves, and Marinette falls in love. As we know, they are a canon couple, so one umbrella for two is a very popular romantic trope. This happened with Risley and Nevi. The Duke does not like to rise from under the water, but at the first call from the judge, he goes to talk to him in the rain and finds him standing alone on the side of the road. Risley holds an umbrella over him, two under one umbrella. (you can find this out from his voiceline about Nevillet). Can I not talk about the fact that they constantly talk about each other and tell the traveler how much they trust each other. What did I want to say? This ship has a canonical basis. More than.

But the same Risley and Clorinda do not. We know nothing at all about their relationship at all. Outside the plot, nothing is known about their relationship (and in the plot too), the creators did not bother to leave at least something. People who ship really like to take phrases out of context, “Miss Clorinda. My door,” for example. These people have to cut or glue something to make their pairing work, while Risley and Nevi shippers don't have to do anything, we've already been given everything on a platter. The only argument of Risley and Clorinda shippers is “They look good; Risley flirts with Clorinda (I didn’t see a single moment like that, maybe you can show me?). Oh, he invited her to have tea (he asked Nevi and us to stay for tea. Man obsessed with tea, leave him, he offers it to everyone)." I never heard anything intelligible, to be honest.

Just because it’s hetero, that’s all. There are no more arguments. People like to invent things that don’t exist. And why doesn't anyone talk about Clorinda and Navia? In terms of, my women deserve more attention. They make sense and their relationship is revealed to us. Clorinda is so worried about Navya and makes sure that nothing happens to her at all, my moms were finally able to go to a cafe together in a long time! They were also together in an animation about the beach. Together all the time, and more recently in the plot. I want to say one thing, you can certainly ship whatever you want, but don't tell people who ship more reasonable pairings that yours is canon simply because the characters interacted in the plot and that's it, without having any additional canon information, and everything is yours" the arguments "are made up from thin air.

Them🥰 (there should be another photo there, but alas, I didn’t download it)

[alpaca-clouds]

Arcanepunk is a strange Genre

I am trying to talk more about the punk genre. I am trying.

So, let me talk about another punk genre, that is a rather strange example of the punkpunk genre. Because it is one of the rather small genres of the genre group, but the examples that exist are surprisingly strong.

Arcanepunk in general refers to a story or aesthetic, that involves both magical and technological elements. Often times we see it as a world that has some steampunk-y or teslapunk-y technology, but also uses some sort of magic. Though definitionwise there is no reason why it could not be in even higher developed. Shadowrun, which mixes Cyberpunk with magic, is often also considered as Arcanepunk.

One of the reasons that Arcanepunk can be considered rather big, for the fact that it is one of the lesser known subgenre under the punkpunk umbrella, is, that it has some entries that are rather big.

Most notably, of course, there is League of Legends, which very firmly falls into the Arcanepunk setting, and with that all media that comes out of the LoL franchise. Including - yeah, it is on the nose - Arcane.

Other big examples are the aforementioned Shadowrun, arguably some of the Warcraft lore, Warhammer, and also Pratchett's Discworld.

The irony is that for a genre that has some really big franchises tied to it, there is a lot less of other stories within the genre - and the term is just rather unknown, leading also to the fact that there is a lot less of smaller novels and comics that really lean into the genre.

Of course there is also the fact that Arcanepunk once more is not always that strong on the punk aspect.

Let me talk about League of Legends, because frankly: Out of all the big Arcanepunk examples, LoL and Shadowrun are the ones I am most familiar with.

Now, those who mostly know Arcane might actually think that it is fairly strong on the punk aspect. After all Arcane very much places an emphasis on how unjust the system of Piltover and Zaun is. While one could argue that the characters most rising up against the system are the villains, it still does show there is a need to rise up against it. And the council of Piltover is most certainly not depicted in a sympathetic light.

However, if you look at League of Legends, the lore is often a lot more... complicated. Because League of Legends has the issue of "there is no real main character". For the most part they want players feel good about playing any of the champions, but given that some of those champions are colonizers, if not just outright fascists. But again, you can play them. So they all need to be main characters of sorts. Hence: The overall narrative cannot go and say: "Actually, this is super bad and we should focus on the rebellion against it." Which would actually put more punk into the story.

It really makes me wonder, how Riot plans to deal with this going forward, given that they decided that Arcane is now part of the main canon - but I digress.

You can see a similar thing (from what I know) in Warcraft and Warhammer. Due to all the factions being equally playable, a lot of the associated media tends to be held back onto picking sides - even though it is bitterly necessary.

And Shadowrun... Oh, well. Shadowrun is another issue entirely. One that I will talk about seperately. Some day. Not today.

Well, at least there is still the Discworld series. Because those are very much on the punk side of things. After all, more than anything Pratchett was simply based.

[mishkakagehishka]

Hey Korka I saw a thing so of course I have to shu-ify it because it can fit this idiot who never says what he actually thinks unless it's strictly necessary.

Anyway thinking about something going wonky with some thing or other and being able to hear Shu's inner voice... Like getting to hear his actual feelings with a sort of echo effect after he says his usual harsh words... Maybe using that to your advantage to tease him a little bit and fluster him while making it not completely obvious so he doesn't evaporate on the spot

I think we don't have to really use any logic because "Well, we just want to see it happen!!" is enough. For the sake of an argument, let's imagine uhhhhhhh [checks notes] the time and space matter is falling apart because of the perpetual timeloop and it's showing in the fact that Shu's thoughts are now shared with whoever he's speaking to in the moment. We could bring up the idea of a soulmate AU, but I won't torture you tonight.

idk the word count i wrote it directly in post (so no spellchecker! should be fun!!) and i . didn't really plan on doing that.

Shu's usual biting remarks - something that takes lots of getting used to, and even then can hurt quite a lot. It's not like he wants to be mean, but that's how he comes across to most. To most, with a few notable exceptions, to most except to those who, after all, know him.

But it takes practice to know how to translate Shu's words, to know that his "Even a child could do it" doesn't necessarily mean you're stupid so you should be able to do it - it doesn't mean that he considers you on the level of the imaginary child he is mentioning, but that he expects someone of your skills and knowledge to be able to breeze through it. To know that his scoffs and "Don't bother me" and "I'm only doing this because it'd be an inconvenience to me otherwise" are just ways of masking his own care for you. That his scoffs are to hide his smiles, his shooing of you just a way to make sure he's not distracted by wanting to talk to you, that he just cannot come clean about his true intentions - it's not in his nature to show vulnerability.

And one day, all that practice, all that difficulty is just. Gone. And suddenly you have access to Shu's inner thoughts. How? Who knows. The author doesn't particularly care, either. But the reality is that you were left sitting in your seat, listening to Shu berating you for not bringing an umbrella, yet very much hearing the echo of, what would I do if you got sick? Why do you always insist on worrying me like this? And how were you supposed to pair it to "Are you a moron? Do you not check the weather like an adult before leaving the house?!"

Easily. By batting your eyelashes at him, by saying, "Sorry, did I worry you?" He paused in his berating, mid-sentence, mid-calling-you-an-imbecile. Eyes widened, mouth still left half-open. Is that the faintest rosiness of a blush you see on his cheeks? "Don't be ridiculous. Whether you get sick or not is none of my business, but think about the work you'd be pushing onto others because of your lack of care. It is highly irresponsible." Yet the echo was panicking. Panicking! Screaming, is it that obvious? Am I that obvious? I don't look worried, do I? You may have just found your entertainment for today.

"Well, I just forgot my umbrella. I'm sorry, but I don't think I deserve to be called names for it," you defended yourself, just wanting to see if he'd think anything vaguely remorseful. "I'm simply stating facts. Forgetting such a trivial thing makes you seem dumber than you are." - If you feel bad about being called names, then quit behaving so carelessly.

Well, Shu will always be Shu.

I hate making you feel bad, too. I wish you would smile at me." And wasn't that your perfect sign? Your wonderful cue to shoot him the brightest, most blinding smile known to humanity, in such perfect timing. And as if an arrow had struck him, he froze. Even his thoughts - empty. But he was under your effect, that was certain, with that faint blush easily deepening, splashing his cheeks in a far more noticeable way. In a way that was, quite frankly, very taking-advantage-of-able. "Are you okay? You're looking a bit red?" Don't come closer, don't come closer, don't come closer, DON'T- Of course you came closer. Of course you placed your hand on his forehead, pressing ever so lightly. "Do you have a fever?" "NO! I'm fine. Don't touch me!" Though he attempted to swat your hand away, it was clearly rather low-effort, and your hand remained on his forehead. He almost leaned into it, and you could hear words so unfitting of Shu's voice, yet undeniably in his voice. Ah~ Your hand is so soft... I wish time would stop so you would never pull away... It's so warm... What a capricious man.

"You're burning up, Shu! And you scolded me about getting sick..." "I'm not sick, I told you! Let go this instant!" Please don't let go please don't let go please don't let go "Why don't you move away? Nobody's holding you." Really, nobody was. You only kept your hand on his forehead, but he was free to even just take a single step backwards. But you knew the reason. And he knew the reason as well. The blush spread to the tip of his ears, making him look nothing less than like a rose in bloom. Or an embarrassed tomato. "You're not sick? So what's with your face? You're red all over. Could it be you're embarrassed?" You happily watched his composure crumble, his breathing turn uneven, his eyes trembling. What's happening?

Suddenly, his cheeks were cupped, squished until his mouth was stuck in a pout. A most undignified state that had him scrambling, trying to push your hands away, but ultimately it was a fruitless endeavor. What's happening!??!?! "You're so cute." "UNHAND ME!" But, like a puppy, his thoughts just repeated the compliment over and over. I'm cute... I'm cute...? He seemed to enjoy it, his heart pounding in his ears at the words, at your touch, at how close your faces were. "You're adorable. Do you like it when I compliment you like that?" I love it "You do, don't you? So cute."

A loud smooch to his cheek. And his knees buckled. Pathetically. "Wha-what is the meaning of this? You're behaving most inappropriately and-!" "Are you crying?" "I'm NOT!" He was not... technically. The tears that collected in the corners of his eyes were those of frustration with himself, frustration with the situation. I would want for nothing more than to embrace you and kiss you, but... Even his thoughts hadn't a ready excuse. It was simply not something that would be in his nature. But I could never take the lead with such acts.

And isn't that all you needed to know to grab his face once more, albeit less like a fussy baby's and more gently now, to cup his jaw and press your lips against his? To cradle his face in your hands, to feel his body tensing up for a mere moment, before his arms caught hold of your shoulders, attempting to ground himself. His breathing evening once more, though his heart continued pounding hard enough that you could feel it against your own chest. And his inner monologue nothing but an unending scream of, what you assumed to be, excitement. It probably wouldn't be horror, else he wouldn't have been kissing back as fervently as he was. Pulling away was equally as entertaining as listening to his inner screaming throughout the kiss, rather, watching him quickly trying to mask his softened features back into a frown, getting ready to scold you, but... No words came out.

"You..! You..! You.....!" He tried his best, he really did. I cannot believe you did that i cannot believe we did that that was so good that was great i want to do that again i never want to be away from you i want to hug you more i want to kiss you more i want to "Me? Me? Me?" You mocked, a victorious smile on your face, knowing you had one over him. Him, who was still out of breath, tried as he did to hide it. "You're that into me, huh?" At this point, he had the bright idea to hide his face. "I already saw how red you are, no use hiding it now. Come kiss me again." Peeking through his fingers, no, glaring through his fingers. He pondered on a response for a second, face still heating up, embarrassment still evident. But, for once, his thoughts and words overlapped, "Can I?"

[lxmiko]

luxiem as random things . . .

—

(continuation of the title) . . . they remind miko of

TO BE HONEST, i just needed a space to ramble and what better place to do it than tumblr as a “fanfic” (it’s more like just a bunch of random thoughts)

the bullet points are not written in a certain order!! so don’t be surprised when at one point you’re reading fluff and then the next you’re reading angst D:

enjoy!

character(s): all luxiem members

—

vox akuma

folding the corner of a page to bookmark

sitting in a movie theater by yourself

putting out a lighter with your bare hand

play fighting with puppies and when they bite you playfully

the sound of heels clacking on the ground

motorcycles and cigarettes

incense that smells sickly sweet and makes you dizzy

cheating by playing cracked games but still somehow losing

—

mysta rias

when your hair tie leaves a mark on your wrist cause it’s too tight

leather chokers

colored sunglasses

putting on eyeliner in the bathroom at the location of a gathering a few minutes before it starts

nails tapping on desks

cramming into a photobooth to take photos with your friends

convenience stores in movies where the cashier’s always extremely annoyed, thinks you’re stupid, and chews bubblegum

—

luca kaneshiro

roses and gunpowder

gold chunky jewelry

late night car rides with music blasting and potential injuries by the end of the night

untied shoelaces you tell yourself you’ll tie later

hairties that are hanging on for life

movie marathons of childhood movies and falling asleep on the couch during it all

not knowing how much of your forehead to show when putting on a beanie

—

ike eveland

rings of water left after you lift a cold drink from a table

warmly lit libraries

cupping hot drinks with both of your hands and blowing on them

lipstick dabbed away on napkins

long fuzzy socks

iredescent flowy fabric under the sun

the feeling of tears drying on your cheeks from the breeze while on a rooftop

—

shu yamino

fluffy blankets

when you get under a blanket as you’re about to sleep and it’s cool to the touch instead of warm

the color grey

the cool feeling of metal touching your skin

when a cat leans into your touch

your partner waking up and surprising a very sick you in bed with a sandwich and juice made fancy with one of those cocktail umbrellas cause they can’t cook

playing childhood games on sketchy websites because the original webs were too old and taken down or were sketchier

[lutherfordd]

Huh. What a shame...

What do you do when you love someone who doesn’t see you that way? I guess most people would let it go, move on. But me? I stayed. I stayed, even when it hurt, because I couldn’t imagine not being there for her.

I don’t know when I started feeling this way. Maybe it was the first day we met, or maybe it was after that one time she forgot her umbrella, and I shared mine. It wasn’t some grand moment, nothing out of a movie—just her, standing there, apologizing for being a burden when she wasn’t. She never was.

She’s the kind of person who doesn’t realize how much she means to people. Quiet, a little distant, like she’s scared of letting anyone too close. But when you do get close, you realize how rare she is. Genuine. Thoughtful. Beautiful in a way that makes you wonder if she even knows it.

And for a while, I thought I might have a chance.

She laughed at my jokes—the real kind of laugh, not the polite ones you give to strangers. She’d wait for me after class sometimes, even when she didn’t have to. Once, she mentioned she liked the snacks I brought to group hangouts, and I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.

It wasn’t much, but it was enough to hope. Enough to let me imagine that maybe, just maybe, she might feel the same.

But then there was him.

He was... different. That’s what she said, right? And I saw it too, in the way her entire face lit up when he walked into the room. She smiled differently with him. Bigger. Brighter. Like the kind of smile you didn’t see every day.

I should’ve said something. I should’ve told her how I felt. But how could I, when her eyes were always looking past me? When she was falling for him, and I was just... there?

So, I stayed quiet. I listened when she talked about him, even when it hurt. I was there when she started doubting herself, questioning why someone like him would care about someone like her. And I wanted to shake her, tell her she deserved every bit of it. But I didn’t.

Because I wanted her to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me.

When he started avoiding her, I saw the change in her. She said she was fine, that she didn’t care, but I knew better. She cared more than she wanted to admit. And every time I saw her glance his way, hoping he’d look back, my chest felt like it was caving in.

But I stayed. I stayed because someone had to. Someone had to remind her that she wasn’t alone, that she was still worth all the things she thought she didn’t deserve.

There was this one moment—I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. We were sitting under the shade after school. She looked tired, not just physically but in a way that made me want to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. Instead, I handed her my water bottle and made a stupid joke about how she’d owe me a new one.

She smiled. Not one of those forced ones she gave when people asked if she was okay, but a real one. And for a second, I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, I could be enough for her.

But then she started talking about him again.

She wondered why he didn’t like her anymore, why he’d suddenly stopped caring. And I wanted to tell her he still cared. That he probably just didn’t know how to show it. But instead, I nodded and listened, because that’s what she needed me to do.

I don’t think she ever noticed how much I cared. How much I wanted to be the one she looked at that way. And maybe that’s for the best. Because in the end, it wasn’t about me. It was about her.

So here I am, drinking coffee in the middle of the night. Feeling the air brush against my face. Asking myself the same question over and over again.

What do you do when you love someone who doesn’t love you back? I guess you stay. You stay, even when it hurts.

Huh. What a shame.

[woneuntonzz]

torn and folded .ᐟ (1/2)

📞 ; “respectfully, you're disgusting.”

𖹭 : bully!seunghan x bl reader, amab!reader

💭 you loved your free time in manga reading websites, not him though, he thinks you need your senses sorted out for you, and so he would...

⤷ contains: mlm pairing (this is pure fiction and is in no way

made to assume the idol's sexuality!!), angst, bullying,

homophobia towards mc (i myself have struggled with), fluff,

humor (kys/kms jokes), mention of other idol names for world

building

⤷ wc: 11.2k!! (not proofread :p)

-ˋˏ under the cut .ᐟ ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Attraction has always been a tough concept that fiddled with your mind, and for years you found it hard to figure out where you lie in this aspect. For a while you thought you were just like every other guy, too afraid to fall for a girl. 

You would meet your best friend’s sister quite often whenever you visited their home. You’ve always thought she was so pretty, with such an innocent face and a sweet and wee voice. She was almost this perfect character, fair and bright, nearly unreal. She had such nice hair that fell like waterfalls, long and wispy lashes, plush, pink lips and eyes that took the shape of an almond. No wonder why she was the talk of the neighborhood —and she was just as beautiful on the inside as you saw her in her countenance. 

“You can have my umbrella, don’t worry about it —go home! and if your dad yells at you again, tell me. I’ll give you something special tomorrow.” —the sweetest girl, isn’t she? 

“Thank you, Chaeyoung.” 

She lent you her Hello Kitty umbrella, the cat imprinted all over the canopy, and her little bow on the handle. That day you were spared from your ill-tempered father, and Chaeyoung would never see that umbrella again.

The next day, you came back to their house, ecstatic to finally watch another episode of Slam Dunk on their tv.

“Hi Y/n!” —oh right, you were there to see Chaeyoung too. “Can you come to the kitchen real quick?” 

From a distance you could smell sugar cookies, freshly baked, hot out of the oven. The scent only led you to briskly nodding to her question, following closely behind her as you scuttled to the kitchen together.

“These are for you.” you were sure the cookies were just as sweet as her smile as she extended the plate of sugars towards you. 

“Oh, thank you.” for a while, you hesitated on fully carrying the weight of the plate, but looking at her beaming face assured you, and soon you were stuffing your face with the cookies. 

“Let’s play a little game!” you were a bit startled at her exclamation, mouth still bearing chunks of sugar.

You had to take a painful swallow to ask, “Right now?”

“Mhmm~”

“Should we go outside—”

“No, no!” her giggles made you shiver, it was so innocent, yet so… eery. “Just here.”

“What game are we playing?” you asked again through your soft chews. 

“Let’s guess each other’s crushes.”

Your pupils would move to the side as you got to thinking, a crush, do I have one of those? —the thought of it had never even crossed your mind. Maybe because it was unclear to you what a crush is meant for, or what it takes for you to crush on someone. Chaeyoung? —everyone else seemed to have a crush on her, but you're no train-hopper. 

“Guess mine first.” she urges, and you scurry around in your head for answers, Jaeyun? Wooyoung?

“Is it… Wooyoung?” —and to that she emits a sound of a buzzer, like the ones you’d hear in a game show after an incorrect answer.

“No!” 

“Oh, Jisung?”

You laughed at the exaggerated pout that played on her lips, and she’d only frown at you. For a minute you were worried that she was getting annoyed —good for you for being worried, because you’d find out she’s been restless all morning, itching to tell you, “I have a crush on you, dummy.”

Suddenly you were inhaling thick air, your breathing pattern shifted tremendously as your eyes looked for something to rest on. In that thirty seconds of silence, you wished it was that easy to just sink into the ground beneath where you stood. Her? crushing on you? seemed like a dream, and it truly is for the boys that admired her, unfortunately for her, you aren’t a part of that population. 

“Me?” you pointed at yourself as you questioned what you had just heard. “Are you sure? Are you joking?”

She was quiet for about seven seconds —and you were able to count for the sole reason of being anxious. The sole of her right foot was pressed firmly against the ground, and within those seven seconds she moved it around, drawing small ovals on the ground. “I’m sure.”

You wished you were as sure as she was, whilst she eyed the lines on your shirt, you were thinking about your feelings, what you felt about her. While you’ve always been in awe of how graceful she was at any given scenario, it’s all been just a thought and nothing more, nothing special, nothing for you to act on. 

“How about you?”

You swore you the ticking of their wall clock got louder, and louder, and louder. But eventually, you’d tell her the truth. 

She told you it was okay, but you saw the shift in her eyes, the pair that was once innocent and inviting now terrified you like the wretched pit in your darkest nightmares. How was that even possible? —you’d ask yourself, trying to open your mind to the possibilities. What are the chances that you’d become the person she hates the most?

“One hundred percent.” —now in highschool, you’d bury yourself in that horrid pit everyday, you had no choice, no means of escaping. 

“You’re sure that’s the answer?” you hiss at the pain inflicted by her hands that dug into your hair, pulling each strand, her vigor intensifying by the second. “If this turns out to be wrong…” fate is truly, “I will out you to your dad myself.” cruel. 

That day you told her that you did not reciprocate her admiration is the day you’d see her for who she truly was. Wolf in sheep’s clothing, a phrase you’d often hear even as a child. You just never thought you’d encounter it ever, especially in her. 

You stood up from your desk, huddling your textbooks and notebooks as you took wary steps —would usually be to the library, but Chaeyoung had already caught up to that old routine of yours, so you resorted to an empty, but rancid room at the back of the building. It was dark, even darker than that pit. 

Though that room was not entirely pleasant —it smelled of mold and chemicals you could only make out as cleaning materials— you learned to deal with it for your own sake. You’ve been threatened over and over by a certain group of people in your class that they’d out you, and you had every right to be scared, especially when they almost succeeded in the dawning of your anguish.

In that room, you hummed to yourself, did the work you had to in peace, and most importantly, you read —the pieces that you related to the most.

You remember being caught swiping through it on your phone, within seconds it was snatched away from you. They —two of them— took a quick look at it, smirking and soon guffawing at what they saw. “Who knew you’d be into disgusting shit like this.”

“I mean, it only makes sense. He’s a—” it was the first time you were called the slur. 

If you were being honest, as hurtful as they were meaning to be, you were not much fazed by it, still, you were surprised to hear such a word, even from them. 

“Yeah, you’re right. People like him are really like that huh?” like what? —you could only dare them with the little voice in your head for if you had spoken out it might be your last day in that classroom. 

“Stop looking at us like that.” —and they repeated it again, that word.

From then on, you’d avoid being seen reading, or having your phone out at all. There were times where you had the freedom, so you’d make the most of it while they weren’t there, in the classroom. But this deserted room, despite its grimy interior, would serve as a safe space for you. 

“This is not too bad.” you mumbled to yourself, eyes lingering on your faint reflection on the dust-layered window panes. 

It truly was not too bad to have your peace in such a place, this school, the shithole you were forced into. 

The truth is, you haven’t outed yourself to anyone, no one in school, not even Chaeyoung, not even her brother —and your childhood best friend— Seunghan. After that one fateful afternoon at their house, Chaeyoung felt devastated, how could you not like her back? she could only think of one reason, you must be gay, crazy enough to not return her likeness for you. She didn’t even get to confronting you about it, she just told everyone she knew, everyone close to you —with the exception of your family— that you’re insane, or in her words, “He’s gay, he told me himself! it’s better to stay away just to be safe!”

You’d end up being the one to stay away, just to be safe. Though you could say not everyone was mean to you, they were not nice enough to acknowledge you or what the others have been doing to you either. 

It was an unfortunate turn, and it would ultimately lead to the fallout of your friendship with your one and only sport —you used to call him all sorts of names, and he’d call you, well, what you could only describe as the cutest alias you’ve ever heard. You had something quite special, and didn’t take a while for you to see it differently —to see him differently. Maybe you were being a little too irrational, or maybe it's because of the way his face is always close enough to press onto yours, or the way he smiled at you, the way he used to take care of you without you asking, and the nickname. 

“Hey bunny!” —is what you’d always hear every morning then, when he called you out to play, or take bike rides around the neighborhood. 

“Hi Seung-gunk!” and he’d playfully headlock you, ruffling your hair. 

The farthest you’ve gone with your matching bicycles was the park —you even had your own tree, a hiding spot if you will. It’s where you two would babble on about everything, even the most nonsensical things. 

“Don’t you ever get bored of this park?” you asked him, and you would move a little, feeling some of his sweat touching your skin because of the proximity.

You two were sitting under your tree, leaning against its trunk. Your sides were slightly squeezed against each other as you went on with your venture-talks. 

“Not really.” he looked at you, reaching on top of your head for a stray leaf that fell on it, “Not when I’m with you.”

You believed him, only at that moment, because soon his actions would contradict his words. 

It all started in middle school, the summer before it started, you have already discussed about how excited you were about entering this new phase in your life, talking about how you two would go to lunch together, find ways to skip class and sneak out —it was a joke of course— and making new friends, and the rumors.

seungsseung 💥💥

i can’t believe we’re finally middle schoolers

can u believe it?

y/n 🥕

i’m kinda scared

what if they hurt me more

seungsseung 💥💥

tsk

those stupid rumors

you know what

i’m actually gonna tell my sister to stop it

y/n 🥕

you think it’ll work?

seungsseung 💥💥

don’t worry bunny

i know it didn’t work before

i’ll make it work

It didn’t work, obviously. You were bewildered with how he avoided you, like you were carrying some deadly parasitic disease, the root of an upcoming apocalypse. At first he wouldn’t even look in your direction, even when he really needed to, even when you were already sobbing from your classmates pushing you around, with the lead of his own sister. As time progresses, he’d watch your agony, but you could never really tell what lies in those watchful eyes. He’s changed, and he would change even more.

You were in a rush to get back to the classroom after checking the time, but you wouldn’t be inside without bumping into him.

“Watch where you’re going.” like a reflex, you’d use the papers you held to shield yourself, by the way he looked at you, you thought he was about to jump you. He scoffs at this, finding some sort of amusement out of it, “Fucking pathetic.” he says, kicking the papers out of your hands. 

You tried your damndest to fight back the tears in class, not wanting to draw any more attention than you already have outside of class hours. It was only when you were able to lock yourself within the confines of your dim lit room that you were able to release all the tears. It hurt even more that you were not allowed to make a single sound at that time of the night. 

Wasn’t he being a bit too much? —you were crying out loud in your frail mind, perplexed by this situation. You were too afraid to even message him anymore, to ask him why, and what caused the sudden shift. Then, he protected you like he owed you the world, the next day you were suddenly prey for him to feed on. And he’d only get worse in highschool, bonding with the same people who caused your torment, and still, with his stupid, pretty sister.

“Look who’s back!” you tried your best to maintain your composure as you entered the classroom, you had just gotten out of your secret hideout. “We missed you, Y/n.”

“Class isn’t the same without a freak like you.”

You’d flinch, feeling someone rush past behind you. Feeling the back pocket of your pants become lighter, you panicked, and soon your phone was being held close to your face.

“Open it.” Seunghan —he taunted, looking at you the same way he always did. “Deaf? I said open it, fucking idiot.”

Your hands were shaky, taking your phone from him. It took you three attempts before you could successfully unlock it, and when you did, he clutched on it, forcefully taking it out of your hands. You already felt the after effects of his insults that hadn’t even come out of his mouth, but you knew it would very soon. You had left what you were reading open, it was not like you knew he’d be up to snatching your phone away from you to poke fun at you, but then again you weren’t surprised. 

“You make me gag. Do you guys see this shit?” he was already scrolling through the whole thing, and his friends would peek from behind him making you gulp and freeze on your spot. 

You came home with wet hair, a wet uniform, and it was all to mock the fact that you were up to reading something that erotic. When they got your phone, you happened to have left it on a chapter that had a rated eighteen scene. They took turns at throwing water at you, repeatedly uttering how wet you were getting. It was disgusting, but so were you in their eyes, in his eyes. 

bunz 

hey

can i ask u a question?

it’ll be vv quick i promise

saxyguy1002

oh hi

how’s school?

bunz

awful

anyways

what do u think abt homo ppl?

saxyguy1002

i mean

as long as it’s not me it’s cool ig

they aint causing a world war so

yea

they haven't killed my family

so idc really

bunz

that’s interesting

saxyguy1002

r u gay bunz?

bunz

…

what if i am?

saxyguy1002

i told u idc

unless ur planning to kill my family

bunz

no ur tweaking

i’m just not into girls

but into guys

that’s all

saxyguy1002

like i said

i

don’t

care

bunz

well fuck u

saxyguy1002

kidding

don’t go offline yet :((

i have no one to talk to

my friends are idiots

all of them.

Then why’d you leave me? —you shook your head at your computer screen, at the conversation you were having with this ‘stranger’ you met in a game. You knew it was him, but he was oblivious towards the fact that it was you who he’s been talking to every night after school, and you prayed he hadn’t suspected you either. 

bunz

that’s tough lol

sucks for u

saxyguy1002

says the one who has no friends

how’s being lonely? :p

There was this urge to tell him, I miss you, but you were too afraid. He was already treating you like a stray in school, what more if he finds out who you were behind this persona you’ve built for him. 

bunz

i have one more question

saxyguy1002

hit me

bunz

do u know bl?

saxyguy1002

**bbl

and yes i do ofc

bunz

ew perv

not that

boy’s love 

saxyguy1002

yea

apparently it’s a genre now

there’s this guy in our school that reads them

You couldn’t quite understand if you wanted to cry or laugh.

bunz

really?

what do u think abt him then?

saxyguy1002

that bl shit gives me the creeps

all that dirty shit?

two disco sticks?

bunz

um???

not the disco sticks 😭😭

saxyguy1002

do u read?

bunz

what if i do…

saxyguy1002

i’ll make an exception

just don't mention it ever again 😁

bunz

kys :3 (jk, but i still hate u)

saxyguy1002

i will :p (jk 2, but i don’t hate u so deal with it)

You shook your head again, water brimming on both eyes. You ran your fingers through your hair, knowing you could never go any further from this. You could just stop talking to him, block him even, but your heart wouldn’t allow you to. Everytime you tried, you were brought back to that little spot at the park, under the biggest tree, the tips of your noses almost touching. 

Thinking about it makes you think about what he thought about everything, about you, then and now. You thought maybe at some point in time he saw you the same way, maybe he did, and he got scared so he started bullying you too. You’d sigh heavily, slapping a mental note onto yourself —you have got to stop letting the manga get into your head Y/n.

In a blink, you were back in your hideout. Your leg got restless, shaking continuously as you read. Earlier you thought you had seen someone following you from the corner of your eye. No one came in after you after waiting for twenty minutes, so you sat down where you’d usually be. Your eyes momentarily watched for the door, afraid that they might burst in and beat you up, or lock you in. 

Suddenly what you were reading got more interesting. You were fully immersed with the scene that played before you, acting out the expressions drawn on the characters. And his eyes dripped with honey as he got closer, allowing his desire to win him over, and soon their lips met and clashed with so much—

You jumped at the sound of the door being slammed wide open. You’d curl into yourself, dropping your phone. It was like the walls were closing in on you, already feeling the humiliation, the suffering. 

“Oh, sorry, are you okay? I was just here for…” it was an unfamiliar voice, “...I actually don’t know why I’m here either. I guess I needed some space away from those people.”

You’d warily lift your head up, being met with a cautious stare. 

“Wait, are you Y/n? from the neighboring class right?” your nod was only subtle, but he’d beam at you so brightly. “I’m Matthew, can I come in?”

You nod again, freeing yourself from your own restraint. You’d sit yourself properly, watching him scan around the room for a place to sit. You moved over a bit, and that was enough to tell him to sit next to you. It was an awkward few first seconds till he bent down to reach for your phone. You grew nervous when his eyes stayed a little too long on your phone screen as he handed it to you. 

“You’re in that chapter already? you must be an avid reader.” your eyes dilated at his words, and he’d chuckle at your reaction. 

“You read?” you were evidently hesitant, your volume would only be that of a mouse. 

He’d hum a response, nodding at the same time. “Sometimes for the story, sometimes for the art. The author of that manga is great as fuck, and the artstyle too!” he was able to crack a smile out of you, it’s been a great while. “But, I am curious, why are you here?”

You shrugged at first, not really knowing what to say. Besides, no one has ever bothered to ask you about anything if it’s not to mess with you. “My classmates hate me.”

“Hmm, I heard.” of course he had, everyone has. “Is it really because you’re gay?”

Your eyes would shift to the side before you nod your head. 

“That’s crazy. I’m bi, I mean, I haven’t come out yet, but —I think it’s ridiculous. It’s the 21st century, are we seriously still about that.” he’d sigh like he’d had the biggest dilemma of his life. 

And it made you laugh, it was very little, but it was enough.

“Hey, we should hang out some other time, how’s that sound?”

You were still cautious about the whole thing, afraid that it might be a trap of some sort. All it took was another smile from him, and you’d finally say, “That sounds cool.”

You two walked out of that room together, and he kept chattering on about things you couldn’t quite remember at the end of the day, and in the same hallway, you stumbled upon your nightmare. He was boring holes into your soul, making you stop in your tracks. 

“Y/n?” Matthew called for you when he noticed that you were no longer beside him. He noticed the way your eyes dropped dead, staring ahead, he turned his head to where you looked, but when he did, Seunghan was already walking away.

Matthew took a few steps back, meeting you again. “Does he bother you or something?”

“No.” technically, you were telling the truth. You were still so tolerant with him, because you still liked him. “You should get away from me.”

He was clearly taken aback by your request, and he could sense you meant well. “Is it that bad?” he’d ask you, concern painted well on his face.

You shrugged once again, still not figuring out how to properly convey what you wanted to say, “They might get you too, because of me.”

“Don’t think so. You think they’ll touch anyone from the pilot class? —no offense, I think you’re great, but your class is a cluster of utter garbage.” he was right, and you’d subconsciously nod at him. “So I’ll stick around, see ya!”

You didn’t even notice that you were already near your classroom. You stood still, watching him as he walked back to his own classroom, just next to yours. You weren’t quite ecstatic about going back to that room, so a hand to your shoulder granted you the favor, stopping you from taking another step. 

“Who’s your new owner?” you gulped at the all too familiar voice that crept behind you. 

“Owner?”

“Huh, so you answer now?” you didn’t bother turning your head, instead, Seunghan would move himself in front of you, “Matthew —you know what you looked like? you looked like his pet.” he laughs at you, but you’d keep your eyes on the floor. “Do better Y/n, geez, at least fix yourself first before trying to hang out with actual people.”

Because you’re not an actual person, he saw you as an animal, a joke. “At least he wasn’t a liar.” you might’ve been speaking too soon.

Too soon. “What the fuck did you just say?”

You’d shake your head at him, just like all the nights you’ve spent chatting, and you’d walk past him.

He just stood there, unsure of what to do with himself anymore. 

“Bro, Seunghan, what the hell was that?” he couldn’t avert his eyes from his shoelaces, tracing the pattern it made with his gaze.

“I could’ve beaten him to a pulp if I were you —you know what, we’ll do it for you since you’re being such a puss.” the others’ words went into one ear and out the other. 

He can’t help but think if it was all worth it. If avoiding the consequences, the pain, did it actually do him better?

“Seunghan, what are you thinking about?” his sister sat on his desk, tapping on it with her fingers. 

He could only give her a blank stare, that would soon trail off into the distance. Chaeyoung just eyed him, and smugness was written all over her face. 

“Y/n?” she scoffed. “You’re thinking about him?”

Seunghan only glanced at her for a brief moment, and she’d slam her palm against his desk. 

“It’s not like that—”

“I’m not that dumb, Seunghan.” she truly wasn’t when she was able to ruin two lives, and probably more outside his scope. 

“I promise it’s not what you think.” he kept his voice monotone, and his sister would roll her eyes at him.

“Just keep up the act, and maybe, I’d consider not telling our parents just how disgusting you are.”

Disgusting —was a word you’d often hear from him, how ironic. It was those times when he’d ridicule your love for reading bl mangas, just snatching your phone whenever he felt like it. 

“I can’t believe you actually enjoy this, disgusting.” 

Yet, that still wasn’t enough for you to see him as your enemy. 

saxyguy1002

hey bunz

bunz

what

saxyguy1002

how r u?

being lonely and miserable and all

bunz

lol

ykw i have a friend now

and he reads bl too

go fuck yourself

saxyguy1002

woah woah

i was joking 😢

but 

respectfully, you’re disgusting

for that

bunz

kys :>

saxyguy1002

no

not until we meet

bunz

you want to…?

saxyguy1002

i mean

ig?

i just wondered if u were just as much of a twink irl like you are in chat

bunz

fuck you, actually

saxyguy1002

u cant fuck me

i’m not gay

bunz

blocked

saxyguy1002

NO PLSSSSSSSSSS

😭😭😭😭😭

begging on my KNEES rn

don’t 

if this makes u feel better

i meant to say cute

not twink :p

Again, you were double guessing whether this was true, this whole conversation, the situation, if this was even Seunghan you’re talking to.

bunz

i need to sleep

night

saxyguy1002

and i’ll be outside ur window

better close it now 👹

bunz

nahh bfr my bedroom is at the second storey 😬

saxyguy1002

now who said i cant float

you’ll float too ����

bunz

bye pennywise

kys :3 (not fr tho)

saxyguy1002

i will :p (i won’t dw)

You leaned back against your desk chair, a tired exhale escaping your mouth as you turned off your computer. To say that you didn’t look forward to getting home just to talk to him would be a complete lie. You were even a lot more enthusiastic, though it doesn’t show through your messages that much, you just wished it could be like this in real life too. 

If he was genuine about wanting to see you, and if he finally did, what would be his reaction then? Would he keep himself away from you? hurt you even more? —your thoughts kept running, until they got too tired and the running turned into crawling, creeping, and soon you were fast asleep. 

“Y/n, off to where?” you were startled, hearing your name for the first time that day, and from a new voice that you had been waiting for the whole day.

“Matthew. Just going to the library, I have to pick something up.”

“Just a quick trip? we still have…” he pauses for a while to look at his wrist watch, “About thirty minutes till class. Do you have something to do?”

You consciously tapped on your sides, thinking about how you were only getting what you needed early so you wouldn’t have to run into trouble later in the day, “No, not really, not yet.” 

“Oh, so then would you wanna stay in the library a little longer? we could read there for a while.” 

It really was that hard to decline, so in a span of minutes, you were both seated in the library, not on books, but on your phones.

“You think you could pause reading that for a while?” he whispered so closely to your ear that you almost cringed.

“What? this?” he nods at you, and you’d ask again, “Why?”

“So we can read it together. You’re only three chapters ahead of me, maybe I can catch up by the end of the day —or now.”

His request had caused you to blink repeatedly for a few seconds before you got to respond, “The chapters themselves are pretty long…”

“Please?” 

You could only stare at him, trying to search for your next words within the lines of his face. “Okay, but you better start reading now.”

“Will do!” you’d give him a silent laugh, and in return he exudes a low chuckle, it was such a pleasant sound that you felt ashamed for wanting to ask him to do it again. 

Both of you have grown oblivious of the people entering and leaving the library, and the one that watched you from the distance, he had almost forgotten what he was there for. He was preoccupied with how you seemed to no longer care or be cautious of your surroundings. 

He saw it, the way you smiled. He’d been denying it for so long, but he missed it. He missed you. He missed when it was him you used to smile at like that. But there was not much he could do. If only you knew he was just afraid as you were of the world the two of you lived, so cruel, but he could only imagine just how cruel the world has been to you.

Somehow he thought he should be thankful that Matthew had followed you to that room, but it should’ve been him opening that door, he had to back out when he saw Matthew, because just like you, he had an ephemeral suspicion that he might be someone to look out for. All those thoughts flew out his mind like a fly when he saw you at that hallway with the other guy, it’s his first time in a while seeing you be yourself, at ease. It seemed so surreal, but he couldn’t get over seeing you like that with someone who wasn’t him. It used to be him, but then again, your severance was the bearing of his own mistakes. He didn’t mean to have such sharp eyes pinned at you when he saw you, it was a mask. He felt so close to losing. 

His friends weren’t any better than him. He knew he was just around to please them. He never really got off of bullying you, it was all orders. If he even dared to go against them, he might never see you again. He’s got himself wrapped around his sister’s pointy fingers. 

That summer before middle school, he confronted his sister about the things she’s been doing, the crude things she’s been saying. “You need to stop. Just because Y/n didn’t like you back?”

“Why do you care shithead?” he was caught off guard with the words that came out of her sister's mouth. 

“He’s my best friend, I care about him —and do you not understand that he just didn’t like you that way? and he doesn’t even hate you either, so I don’t get why you’re being like this.”

What he didn’t understand was that a hurt ego hits back harder than a heavy loaded truck, “Maybe because he liked you.” he found himself playing with his own hands, “Never thought about it huh? well I have. That’s gross, Seunghan.”

“So what?” her sick laughter came attacking him right as he spoke. 

“Don’t tell me you like him too.”

“So what?” he repeats as he stands assertive.

The irked girl tilted her head, raising a brow whilst her lips rose to a smirk, “I’ll tell, and you’ll see just how ridiculous you’re being.”

“Tell?”

“Our parents. You know I will. Fix yourself, or I’ll do it for you.”

Fix? —the thing is, if their parents ever knew, they’d do everything in their power to get him out of that town, away from you. He lived in a religious household, one that’s conservative, believes a man is only for a woman, and a woman is only for a man. 

He still kept messaging you, secretly. He knew that once middle school started, he’d never be able to be the same with you again. 

seungsseung 💥💥

hey

i’m gonna miss you

y/n 🥕

why?

we’re literally seeing each other tomorrow

seungsseung 💥💥

take care of urself all the time

can u do it?

y/n 🥕

seunghan?

ur scaring me

seungsseung 💥💥

sorry

It was the last conversation you had with him. You fell asleep, not foreseeing your unfortunate days ahead of you. 

It hurt to remember, but he would never forget. Then he was too terrified of the consequences, but now he was learning to be more capable, and maybe he could release himself from the chains that trapped him in this dark, secluded place. He wanted it to become a reality, him not having to torment you for the sake of getting closer to you, or hearing your voice.

onto the next? >> part 2