#and NOT in a jack way btw jack does it in an infuriating way

[jakowskis]

Day 21 - Discuss Gwen. Opinions? Favorite moment? Least favorite moment? Any unpopular opinions? Any fun headcanons?

gwen!!! i love gwen. i think she’s fascinating. she’s normal - she’s fucked up. she’s empathetic - she detaches from the people closest to her. she loves rhys - she loves jack. she knew torchwood was toxic - she joined anyway. she’s just a really fleshed out, grounded character, akin to some of the doctor who companions imo, but because it’s torchwood she gets to be a little more of a straight up asshole - i love it. i think she’s a brilliant character. and she’s also adorable and funny and badass and gorgeous and sweet and lovely and a little bit deranged. i adore her. 

my fav gwen moment would have to be when she retconned rhys in combat 😭 HEAR ME OUT. that’s the moment i was like ‘oh holy shit she’s fucked up’ and that made me feel compelled by her... she’s since become my second fav character and i think if that scene didn’t exist she wouldn’t have reached that point for me. esp because it established her as a certain type of fucked up, you know? her cheating on rhys wasn’t nice, but it was interesting. i think her struggles with emotional faithfulness and how easily she was pushed into sexual infidelity from stress and isolation make her interesting. her and owen are psychological marvels to me, in the best way fshdfkjds they’re both really fascinating characters with really interesting and, bafflingly, well-done trauma responses. listen, i like rhys a lot, and i pity him, but my main issue with that plot is less that she did it in the first place and more that that plotline was never given closure. i don't rlly have much interest in condemning cheating as it exists in fiction, it's just a plot device to me so it doesn't register as particularly immoral when done by characters (as in, it doesnt make ME hate them; i know some people think it's a Grave Sin) - but i do think rhys did deserve better than never being offered transparency in that regard. but i don’t blame gwen herself for that, so much as i blame the writers.

and then aside from that, i have several fav gwen-being-cute moments, because she’s like a fluffy little creature to me fhsdkj there’s something about eve’s tooth gap i think and the way they do her hair, and those big ol’ eyes…. i want to keep her in my pocket. i love the handful of times her and owen goof off, i love her crying pizza scene, i love the scenes where she’s being playful with rhys, i love her reactions when she's talking to emma about sex in out of time (eve’s comedic acting is so funny too btw like some of the faces gwen makes at shit kills me. shes just so tangible she looks and feels like a real person you’d be friends w like thts gwen my friend gwen)... i love the way she bonds with female characters, idk why that was something that really stood out to me like she way she bonds with other women, i love it. with jonah’s mom and with beth... in an era where women were pitted against each other a lot (we see it happen w her n tosh in, like, countrycide a little), it's nice they subverted that. i love when women take care of each other. nice little thing to include in tw of all shows.

my least favorite gwen moment… i can’t really think of one of the top of my head? OH i know. the way she treats andy in adrift bothered me a bit. i think the concept of ‘torchwood’s changed you, you’re crueler now’ is brilliant, but it’s a little more personal between them, and she's unnecessarily a bit condescending w him, so it rubbed me a little wrong. but torchwood in s1 were meant to be cocky so ig maybe that could've rubbed off on her too... but the show doesn't suggest that so eh.

i don’t think i have any unpopular opinions, other than i think she’s a great character + she’s very likeable and compelling, and i think gwen bashers are misogynistic morons ❤️ oh also! i think she’s just as bisexual as the other three, she’s just not as tapped into her attraction to women. gwen to me is a “when i was a kid i used to stare at my best friend and think about how pretty she was… but that’s normal right i mean thats just loving your friend right. feeling warm when you brush her hair at a slumber party is normal right” type of wlw fsdkjfd. i think she emotionally latches onto women (like i said we see this happen in the show) but she’s just gone through life assuming she’s straight so she never clocked herself as having the capacity for that emotional attachment to be something romantic instead. not unlike pre-gbg tosh.

fun headcanons… her and owen are besties. this is canon as far as im concerned but i’d like it to be even More. they just sort of have a surprisingly easy rapport, like they enjoy each other's company (somewhat surprisingly, given their contrasting personalities) and are weirdly in sync esp in s2, but they also poke and prod at each other. they have a shiv & roman from succession relationship to me - “hey slut” “hey f-g” HFSDKJFHDKJ do you see. do u see my vision. (not the sibling shit obviously just That Vibe.) i love writing them bantering back n forth, it's tons of fun. also lowkey projecting shit from the actors onto them - eve used to just straight up wrestle burn and that feels like a gwen owen activity i think she should pick him up and slam dunk him into the ground. theyre boygirlbesties to me i think they should go shopping together and try shit on and insult each other. i think they should go to more movies n sit in the back n whisper back n forth. i also think gwen and tosh should be closer as well im sending them on a spa trip. girl’s night! oh speaking of girl’s night ive also had this fic in development for a while about owen playing with gender (i think he needs that i think it’d heal him) + it has two separate scenes where gwen puts makeup on him cuz i think they should recreate that lesbian makeup image. thats their relationship to me. i also think she should peg him platonically. do u kinda see the vibe im going for here. speaking of pegging… shit that needs to be introduced into her relationship w rhys. female characters who i’d fix by buying them a strap-on. also she needs to have gay sex it’s crucial. ok ill shut up now. idk if i have any other non-cursed hcs HKSDF sorry im evil xD ill show myself out. gwen cooper they could never make me hate you i love you mwah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cinderswife]

in honor of pride month, i now present to you my favorite ouatis oc: cimorene, general white's gay... something. they've got something a lil lesbian going on. who knows what though. certainly not them. she's essential to the plot of my ouatis au for the sheer fact of being the reason general white didn't die of a stress-induced heart attack

this ref sheet is her towards the end of the war btw

info under the cut !!

cimorene is general white's secretary, though over three decades of war her role shifted from admin assistant to more personal assistant. she functions as the smaller dragon guarding the entrance to the big dragon's lair: you don't get to talk to general white without going through her first. she's a sweet talking jack of all trades who is very happy in her support role thank you very much. if you dig into her history, you'll find out she's the youngest daughter of a planet owning count.

she is based on cimorene from patricia c. wrede's enchanted forest chronicles. i initially wanted to name her after a proper fairy tale dragon, but those... don't really exist??? especially with names and stuff. so cimorene it is!

cimorene was always the black sheep of the family. while all seven of her older sisters were golden haired ponyfolk who could (seemingly) do no wrong, cimorene was the dark haired serpentfolk who kept getting in trouble for trying and excelling at things outside her designated gender role. granted, she also had a bit of a 'not like other girls' thing going on, but she was definitely a victim to regressive gender nonsense.

want to try out sports, like say hunting or rowing? sorry, that's a boy thing. okay, what about practical things like accounting or admin work? nope, both a man's job and below your station. fine! what about cooking? well... still below your station. cimorene spent plenty of time learning these things before she got caught and forced to stop, but it was a real shame.

her parents found her out of control, so at the advice of her godmother they arranged for her to be married to some lame noble boy. closeted nb lesbian cimorene, at age 19 almost 20, wasn't having that. this combined with her burgeoning politics of "hey actually i think this empire stuff is garbage actually" meant that the new rebellion sounded like a fantastic place to go. so off she went!

despite recent victories on hamlin, the year-old rebellion was hurting for hands and desperately needed someone willing to do the admin work. lieutenant dunwich had better things to do with his time, but he was also the only person decent enough, so he was who general white trusted most. in comes cimorene, who aces boot camp and proves herself brilliant at being a secretary. general white offers her the job, which cimorene gladly accepts.

unfortunately, this does not entirely shake off her infuriating family. believing cimorene to have been kidnapped by the rebellion, their family offers a substantial reward and their hand in marriage to whatever knight can rescue them. this is deeply infuriating, but luckily cimorene has many ways to either convince them to fuck off (and keep them from discovering rebellion bases) or to join the rebellion and leave her tf alone thank you very much.

although half her job is admin work, cimorene very quickly realized that the other half was joining dr. lorenzo (and to a minor extend cinders) on the "general white care squad." general mercymourn white may be brilliant and capable, but due to a variety of reasons such as disability (her injuries from the wedding and the anderson left her with half a face among other things, intense ptsd, and undiagnosed autism that flew under the radar as rich noble politician snow), the amount of other plates she was spinning, and sheer grief/self loathing from the events of the wedding day slaughter, she doesn't take care of her body as well as she needs to. luckily, cimorene soon discovered that she was very good at and happy with the caretaker role.

she was offered promotions many a time, but cimorene always turned it down to stick with mercy. she did, however, demand raises. out of everyone in the universe, cimorene can accurately boast that she knows mercy the best. she may not know general white's biggest secret, but she's there for the myriad of minuscule mask slips and the stress-induced meltdowns and the shitty puns and anything and everything you might imagine. it's to the point that cimorene can identify what exactly general white is feeling and/or needs by the microexpression even before general white figures out why she's feeling like shit.

that's not to say that cimorene is unappreciated - far from it. alongside a stupid high paycheck and a significant amount of leeway, cimorene is granted what everyone else covets: the paranoid general white's unending and complete trust. cimorene will never, ever betray that trust. she joined the revolution for freedom from her parents and liberation for the oppressed, but she's stuck around and gotten in deep for general white. that's what you do for a badass woman a decade older than you who could lift you off the ground.

this has some downsides though: when cimorene attempts to have a very limited personal life, she runs into the fact that people associate her with general white and she doesn't have the chance to like. bond. it's very frustrating. she's made a few friends here and there, but it's a lot harder to go out and socialize.

and dating? don't get her started. despite the fact that she's willing and able to put herself out there and a real catch (seriously, she cooks so damn well. try her cherries jubilee sometime!), no one wants to date her! why? well, unbeknownst to her everyone else can pick up on the intense homoerotic tension between her and the general and have gone "whelp that's general white's girl nobody get involved with her." rip to her dreams of a lovelife

also this is what her and general white's relationship looks like, with cimorene as the moon and mercy as the earth:

anyways, they don't properly get together romantically because there's a war to win and who has time for distractions like that? in the canon timeline this never gets resolved even after three decades because uh. general white dies. but since this is dogstar!ouatis and i made general white live (see: my fic eclosion) they get to be properly gay together in the end. yay!

in her spare time, cimorene likes to hang out at bars, cheat at cards, spread gossip (both false and true), cross stitch, and generally be a cunning little bastard. she Will kick your ass at a baking competition. she can do things with chocolate mousse that will make your girlfriend leave you.

her personal quarters are mostly decorated with weird shit she finds on the ground and her cross stitch projects. she has a lot of them. she finds them... relaxing, especially when people are getting On Her Nerves. *angry wolf portrait embroidery intensifies*

she is fluent in kingstongue & revolution sign language and has bits and pieces of a variety of languages from across the galaxy. she'd be a polyglot in her ideal world, but quite frankly she doesn't have the time nor the energy to do that.

anyways. gay people real. i hope you enjoyed reading about cimorene !!!! she Will show up in revolution era fics

[kerryweaverlesbian]

The thing with Jack in the Box is. This is more headcanon 'how did Sam possibly get here' than fully backed by canon. Btw. The thing is that Sam learns to outsource his moral compass to Dean (or Mary, with the BMoL plotline) if Dean's not doing Plan Kill Myself for big decisions because he doesn't trust that he can make the right decisions based on. His track record.

He trusted Ruby, the Apocalypse started; he thought Adam would be okay against Michael, he wasn't; he lost his soul and was NOT trustworthy; he tried saving Dean by any means necessary in s3'n'10 and gave up in s8, and all times he was told that was deeply wrong of him; he does the trials and it ends up with Dean installing a security guard in Sam's own head; BMoL blows up in his face; it is not god sending him visions, but the devil.

Part of this is narrative repetition. Dean is almost always intuitively right about who they should trust (which must be infuriating lmao) apart from Gadreel and Castiel going godstiel mode. Sam's big mistakes have far reaching consequences, where Dean's often affect himself personally or mostly just their family unit (again apart from trusting Castiel. LOL). Part of it is Sam believing his inherent taintedness is something that he can scrub clean or at least keep hidden if he just tries hard enough. Part of it is that Dean progressively shuts Sam out of his unilateral decision making more and more as the show goes on (mostly to impliment Plan Kill Myself) so Sam doesn't get the reasoning behind Dean's decisions, and then they work out.

Sam says to Charlie - he likes his life as a Hunter but he cannot do it without Dean.

So then - what happens when your outsourced moral compass is getting rusty? When the guy who is Always Right is saying that something you can see and feel is wrong is the correct thing to do? Well. You've felt that way before and you were wrong. So wrong. And it hurt the whole world. You don't have a better plan yet, and you know this plan IS going to be attempted whether you agree or not. It just might get your brother killed if you don't go along with it. And aren't they all kinda trapped in an eternal prison right now anyway? Isn't that what life is? So you go along with it. And you lock up the kid you project on. And you don't give him a nightlight. Because he doesn't deserve it. Because he's made such a horrible mistake.

[missrosiewolf]

Oh by the way she died.

Yeah, Eliara got crushed by a tree that got uprooted by the body of the dragon (that she killed) falling to the earth. They held a funeral for her and that's how the elven mourning song came to be. However, the focus isn't really on Eliara. It's about elven death. Her life and subsequent unfortunate demise is just the backdrop, the story used to explain a particular something about elven culture in order to lead into the section about well, elven death.

Eliara does not appear in any book after this one — I cannot find any mention of her in any other book beyond this and I read a lot of official pre-5e d&d supplemental materials (mostly to put the Seldarine and maybe elves too on blast)

So I can't tell you if Corellon eventually brought her back or if she reincarnated into another elf or if she's living in elf heaven doing whatever elves do in elf heaven — maybe she's serving the elven people or maybe she's decorating Arvandor with arrows. Or maybe she’s terrorizing dear ole dad.

However, I want to focus on the contents of the story itself and the thing that infuriates me about the story the most is why she died:

Corellon's daughter was the most perfect Elf ever born. Men and Elves alike hoped to win her favor. Eliara could not oblige them all with her love-nor could she choose who was worthy of her. For a time she spurned them all and devoted her life to the bow; as the daughter of Corellon, her skill was uncanny. The Men and Elves fought between them to see who could carry her golden quiver, and war threatened to break out between the races. Corellon and Elana turned to their daughter, and she agreed that such squabbling must stop. And so Eliara held a contest to judge her suitors' skills

("The Death of Elves." The Complete Book of Elves, p. 61 [at least it's page 61 on the pdf I'm referencing])

They were pretty much fighting over her. Like she was a piece of meat instead of a fucking person. She literally rejected all of them, telling them no thanks you I don't know if any of you are worthy of me. But she had to take that no back because they were about to go to war over who could carry her quiver, who could win her favor, and so forth.

They were about to go to war over her. What she wanted, what she felt didn't fucking matter.

Corellon is right fucking there. RIGHT FUCKING THERE but instead they and Elana turn to their daughter, asking her to put a stop to it when fucking Corellon himself could probably actually do something about this shit. Like how fucking ridiculous is it that a literal god can't or won't put a stop to this nonsense?

Instead it's Eliara's responsibility to put an end to that squabbling What the shit.

And the contest in question was a hunting contest to see who could match her ability with the bow and the winner would get to marry her. I want to hope, to believe that there would have been a year or more long courtship before actual marriage to determine if they were a good match for each other, beyond...ya know, possessing comparable skill with a bow.

Buuut that's not what happened. We'll never know if any of those dudes was a good person and made for a good life partner beeeeeecause:

The bustle of the hunting party and the noise they were making drew the damn dragon to them. It killed half the party outright. (that's me summarizing btw)

Eliara was the one that killed it.

And she died not long after.

While none of them could have predicted the dragon showing up, this hunting party, this contest to determine who would get to marry her is the reason she fucking died. Because nobody wanted to listen when she said no. Because these men and elves were about to escalate shit over her despite her rejecting them all.

Her dad doing jack shit is also the reason why she fucking died. Corellon's a god. They can't step in and say that's enough? He's not helpless for ffs. They are not a mortal being; he's a literal creator god. A Greater Deity. Corellon has more power in their pinky than I do in my chunky noodle arms. And he couldn't say "all right knock it the fuck off before I start smiting people"?

Yes the story tells about how the elven mourning song came to be.

Yes the story is about death to lead into the section about death.

But that doesn't mean I can't look at Eliara's story and say...why wasn't her initial rejection enough? Why wasn't her initial rejection worth listening to?

[izzyliker]

not gonna post a screenshot here bc its from a discord server but i keep seeing people say that ed “isnt actually the kind of person that relishes violence” and that he “could never admit to himself that he didnt have to be that person” and something something its rooted in his trauma and the bathtub moment was his breakthrough to realizing that he doesnt Want It and this line of thinking infuriates me so much because people dont HAVE an innate “real” self buried under “trauma” and “mental illness” or whatever, trauma isnt a literal mask you put on top of the Real You that you can just take off and become the Real Version of yourself, trauma CHANGES YOU, and its such a dangerous thing to present as meta that by “healing from trauma” (which btw in eds case is some really complex childhood trauma that ISNT GOING TO BE HEALED by just him opening up to stede ONCE, this is shit that takes years to work through in intense trauma specific therapy and that isnt to heal from it ie. Become Untraumatized, its to become Functional in a way where it doesnt literally immobilize you or ideally to the point where you have the best quality of life you are able to attain) you just become The Real Version of Yourself that you were Hiding All Along. and thus any other versions of yourself youve had were never “REAL” . thats just not. pinches nose. No?!

like beyond the fact that we get repeatedly told that ed DOES enjoy violence (”love a good maim”) and that violence ISNT ACTUALLY INHERENTLY BAD in the shows context (these two literally cannot be emphasized enough in connection w each other because Likes Violence isnt a character flaw to overcome in this show BECAUSE THEY ARE PIRATES) the idea that the things you did when you were mentally in a bad place werent “the real you” is fucking dangerous. it WAS the real you. “growth” and “healing” doesnt get you to “the real you,” it gets you to a DIFFERENT you. people change all the time. you learn from your surroundings, your life experience, your friendships, your traumas, your personality changes sometimes drastically and your morals and ethics can change as you are exposed to new ideas or proof. every version of you WAS THE REAL YOU. the current you who is happily committed to a relationship and working through trauma and mental illness is just as much the real you as the person you were when you were 18 and habitually cheating on your partner because you had to purposefully sabotage relationships bc you didnt think you deserved happiness due to trauma or mental illness was the real you. there IS no “real ed” to uncover from underneath the rest of these eds hes been because ed is in flux and changing just like everyone else is. the ed who cries in the bathtub is no more real or fake than the ed that does whippies with calico jack. people are complex and multifaceted and growing and changing.

[bowandcurtsey]

I was hoping you could do Jack x fem s/o (doesn’t have to be a girl but a girly person instead) who is afraid of heights and being found at a mission. I imagined them being magic knights (not necessarily on the same squad) cause it would be super funny. Kinda teasing and fluffy. Could you do Yami and Nozel as well please?? :) btw I love your writing. Have a hug

Hiya sweetie, thank you for the lovely request! Sure, I'll do the 3 captains!! But i'll still do F! reader

Thank you for the hug and lovely compliments too!! <3

Jack | Yami | Nozel x f! reader

TW: heights, phobia

Jack The Ripper

This man would be a hella huge tease initially. "Ha?! You fly every time and you're afraid of heights??"

Initially you were both bickering about how you're not afraid when you're flying because you're 'in control' but now you're freaking stuck in a tree and a centurion tree at that, and you couldn't get down.

Until you started to look down for real and realise how high up you were, you started to whimper and shiver. Only then, Jack flew up the tree to get you.

But he'll make it like it was not a big deal. "What's so scary about a freaking tall tree? Just slash it in half and it's not that tall anymore." You had to use your might not to let Jack slash down that hundred year old tree.

But regardless of his teasing and complaints, he still carried you bridal style all the way down and slowly let you on your feet.

The tall captain even held onto you in case your knees gave away. Just imagine his long arms wrapped around you protectively? Say no more.

He'll be a little more protective now that he's seen one of your vulnerable side. He wouldn't let you be that up high. And if you really needed to, you'll find a long and warm arm snaked around your waist.

Yami Sukehiro

This man was a tease usually, but when it came to phobias and fears, he wouldn't cross the line and push past the limits.

The moment he sensed your ki was off, he'll quickly be by your side. He'll nudge you away from the edge and put his body between you and the edge so that you'll feel more safer since you couldn't look down below.

And if the situation does not permit, he'll hold you in his arms while chatting with you nonchalantly, trying to distract you from the height.

Once, you were just too scared because you were suspended by an enemy in the air, your legs turned to jelly and you could barely even stand when you got to the ground. He just picked you up in his arms bridal style and just quietly brought you back to the base.

Only after you were safely tucked in bed, he asked if you were okay and if you needed anything. He brought you water and stroked your hair until you fell asleep.

He would try not to let you get scared because of your fear of heights, but if possible he would like you to slowly face your fears and overcome it.

Well, you know, since your man is always all about surpassing your limits.

Nozel Silva

The very first time he saw your whimpering while being so high up, he quirked his brows a little. Initially, he thought you just lacked the courage, but as you told him about your fear of heights, he became more protective of you.

He would constantly ask if you were okay with this height you were in. This royal even moved his room to a lower floor because of you.

He would be hella infuriated if he learnt that you were forced to be very high up and especially so if you were badly affected by the ordeal. Let's just say, people would be punished.

As a magic knight, it was inevitable that you would face some heights, but Nozel would let you take your own pace in facing your fears.

He wouldn't force you to do anything you were uncomfortable and would always be there around you, keeping a steady hand on your lower back to tell you that you were safe and you always had his support.

If necessary, he would hold you close or if PDA wasn't a good choice, he would just hold your hands and give it a little squeeze to let you know that he was here.

He would praise you if you faced your fears, telling you that you did a good job and that it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be.

-end-

[prncssguya]

Hi ! I am sorry I’m actually just writing to commiserate with you about the devil judge, I saw your post about how everyone just puts everything on Yohan and I agree sooo much, it’s infuriating to me, how Min Jung Ho just like immediately says it’s his fault he got attacked, and don’t get me started on the fucking priest, what the hell bro? He was a child, a lonely, weird, abused child, not the fucking devil. Seriously it is getting me crazy, it feels like the only person who sees him as a human being is Gaon. I know a lot of people have made a parallel between tdj and Hannibal, and like, I really disagree ? I understand where it comes from, but Hannibal and Yohan are vastly different characters, and the whole characterization of Yohan to me feels like the writers are saying that while every one thinks this guy is the devil, he is very far from it, whereas Hannibal is definitely a monster, and his relationship with will is monstrous as well (and very captivating don’t get me wrong). What do you think about that parallel ? It just rubs me the wrong way but I don’t know if I put it into words correctly. Sorry for the really long ask btw 😅

Hi! thanks for the question. I completely understand what you’re saying. I hope I can answer this well because it’s really so complex. Sorry if this turns into a whole dissertation essay, Hannibal is like my favorite show ever.

Yea I can see a lot of people draw comparisons to TDJ and Hannibal saying things like “tdj is just Hannibal in a courtroom” or “tdj is Hannibal without the cannibalism” lol. I think what people are mostly looking at is the dynamic between Yohan/GaOn and Hannibal/Will and how they’re similar to some degree.

Gahan and Hannigram have a similar type of tension with each other. The difference is Ga On already had suspicions about Yohan from the very beginning and was very antagonistic towards him. Will, on the other hand, initially thought Hannibal was just psychiatrist and sought out his help. It wasn’t until a little later that he started suspecting him and grew to understand his true dark nature.

Yohan/Hannibal— wealthy socialite, sociopathic tendencies, hiding a secret, wearing a “person suit” (more on this later) to fool those around them, misanthrope and thinks humans are beneath them, thinks no one in the world could possibly understand them until they find the one person who does and they can only show their love through violence and manipulation.

Ga On/Will— sensitive, empathetic, intelligent

Will is first introduced as this tortured genius who has an empathetic ability to recreate scenes. In short, he can vividly construct the mentality of criminals and psychopaths. Being able to step into a darkness like that, you have to eventually lose a part of yourself and start sympathizing with the monsters and that’s what eventually happens to him. They’re both capable of murder. Ga On was ready to kill the con artist for his parents if SH hadn’t intervened. They have a moral compass in their corner to keep them grounded (Jack Crawford for Will, Soo Hyun for Ga On—I won’t even mention Min Junho because the guy is sus). They’re both fighting against an internal darkness

Gahan/Hannigram— THE HOMOEROTIC TENSION.

“I want you to admit what you are.”

“Must I denounce myself as a monster, while you still refuse to see the one growing inside you.”

Actual lines from Hannibal. I can’t even mention all the lines that could apply to Gahan (I could hear these words being exchanged between them). Both Hannibal and Yohan bring out the best, and worst, in their partners. Hannigram is toxic as hell. Hannibal would go through all kinds of sick shenanigans to get Will on his side, Yohan has said he would do bad things to get Ga On on his side. Gahan’s relationship is one that starts out tense and mistrustful, then grew to curiousity, comaderie, now Yohan has come to rely on Ga On without him even realizing it or admitting it to himself.

“No one can be fully aware of another human being unless we love them.”

This is obvious. Hannibal is a cannibal, Yohan is not.

I was rooting for Will to finally succumb to his darkness and join Hannibal’s side because he found the truest version of himself in Hannibal. I have different expectations for Ga On because my sweet summer child is more different from Will, he’s not as drawn to darkness as Will is (in the recent episode, he was so horrified at the blood on his hands). Will in the end basks in it.

I agree with you about Hannibal, there’s really no denying that he is a monster. And there’s really no explanation for why he is the way he is; he wasn’t abused (as far as we know) but he was orphaned and left to raise his beloved sister (who died) and later became a serial killer. Yohan, on the other hand, was an abandoned and abused child who only had the love of his older brother. It’s no wonder that he puts up a tough exterior because all throughout his life, people have made assumptions about him without trying to get to know him. I mentioned the “person suit” earlier, this is a mask Hannibal puts on to blend into the human world. He carefully built his life and reputation as a surgeon/psychiatrist and socialite, presenting himself as the sociable doctor while living his philosophy of eating the rude on the other side on the veil.

Yohan’s person suit is a defense mechanism. Whereas Hannibal is using his suit to hide a monstrous nature, Yohan uses it to hide his vulnerabilities. He’s wearing this suit to blend in with the elite he hates, but underneath that exterior is just a lonely and misunderstood man (who’s actually a softie in reality)

Finally, I think these two shows don’t really have a whole lot in common besides the homoerotic tension. Gahan are vastly different from Hannigram. Yohan isn’t a true monster/devil while Hannibal is. Will turned his back on his moral compass and succumbed to the darkness, while Ga On can’t seem to let go of his moral compass and he doesn’t desire to become a monster.

Sooo ultimately…

[vizowrites]

“We” vs “Me”| or “Why BlitzStrike Works So Well For Me But Stolitz [as of episode 6].....Doesn’t”

Alright my Loves, so I said that I was going to talk in further detail about my feelings regarding Stolas and the multi-layered portrayal of his relationship with Blitz in the new episode, and today’s the day where that happens!!  First of all, though, before I really get into my feelings about things, I want to just make it ABUNDANTLY clear that I’m not trying to sway anyone from one side to the other, or trying to shame anyone for shipping two fictional characters.  I’m fully in the boat that you are completely entitled to ship whoever you want, but I also think it’s wise to at least be able to recognize the faults and flaws in a pairing--and especially to be able to recognize them in the context of an IRL relationship.  In this analysis in particular, I’m specifically focusing on these two relationships within the realm of the Helluva Boss universe [......Hell] and within the specific context of their characters as they’ve been portrayed in the show thus far.  And, my biggest disclaimer of all: I’m doing this for no other reason than I felt like putting my jumbled thoughts together into a cohesive post so that they don’t have to stay bouncing and buzzing around in my head.  Please keep that in mind that this is just pure personal opinion and interpretation before anyone comes at me with torches and pitchforks.  <3 <3 

SO WITH THAT LONG ASS DISCLAIMER OUT OF THE WAY 

Let’s finally get to the good stuff.  And the not so good stuff.  :D

So I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone who follows me here that I’m a huge BlitzStrike fan.  What I think fewer people know is that when I first entered the fandom a few months ago, I actually was on board the Stolitz train like so many others that I’ve met here in the fandom.  Naturally Stolitz was the first major pairing I was introduced to, and I did find both the characters of Blitz and Stolas incredibly interesting and compelling in their own rights AND saw the potential in how they could really come to grow into one hell of a relationshp over time.  I was honestly really excited to see it happen, too.  

And then I watched Episode 5 [still my favorite episode, btw] for the first time and had this sudden question hit me like a truck that even now is still relentlessly burning in the back of my mind because I still haven’t found a legitimate answer for it: Why in the FUCK wasn’t Blitz falling head-over-heels in attraction to Striker throughout this fucking episode??

And I don’t mean that in a “They’re so hot and I ship them now why didn’t they get together?? DX DX” kind of way--I mean that in the genuinely perplexed “I don’t understand based on what has been presented to me thus far about Blitz as a character and the storyline overall why he’s reacting so nonchalantly to this whole thing”.  To Note: This is me wondering this from the context of what’s in the show itself, not from any extra fan materials like the Instas or Twitter or just straight up knowing that the most likely answer is that there are people on the creative team that ship Stolitz really hard and realistically wouldn’t have probably written Blitz as being attracted to Striker because that would just be--to quote Jack Sparrow--blowing holes in their own ship.  No, this is me disregarding ALL of that and trying to rationalize this with myself from the perspective of a fan whose entire knowledge of the show and its characters comes exclusively from what’s in the episodes themselves.  .....And that’s where I just can’t find my answer, except for the Stolitz positive “He’s not attracted to Striker because he’s in love with Stolas” answer.  Which really doesn’t even feel like a satisfying answer, because the entire vibe I’ve gotten from Stolitz in the show has just felt.....strangely.....off.  Like, the framework is there and the elements are there, but I’d felt as though they had so far to go still that it would be entire SEASONS before they got there.    

And THEN the new episode [Episode 6] came out and I’d heard a handful of fans going crazy because the show was finally addressing Stolitz in full, and I thought to myself, “Well, maybe if the show really is going to go with saying that the reason Blitz wasn’t interested in Striker is because he’s in love with Stolas.....sure.  I’m curious to see how they finally establish it in an episode, especially since there’s only two more episodes left in the entire first season.”  And then I watched the episode.  And then it hit me why Stolitz just does not do a damn thing for me but BlitzStrike does despite the fact that we’ve had 4/6 episodes [5/7 if you count the Pilot] of Stolitz but only 1/6 [1/7] of potential--not even canonical--BlitzStrike:

When Striker talks about Blitz, or interacts with Blitz, he always talks about them as a “we”.  As a team.  A partnership.  OR he just straight up puts the entire focus on Blitz and his accomplishments and keeps himself out of it entirely.

When Stolas talks about Blitz, he always talks about them within the context of “me”--of himself--of what Blitz does or should do for him.  Even here in episode 6, in the most “selfless” instance we’ve seen yet, where he does ask about Blitz’s safety first BEFORE going right back into how Blitz’s actions affect him and what Blitz should be doing in response for him.  Stolas’s focus is always automatically set to himself--and even when it comes to the people he supposedly loves the most.  

To explain what I mean here, let me give some examples directly from the show itself, starting with the Stolas side of things: 

Episode 1

Blitz, in the middle of trying to hide so much that he actually clamps both of his hands over his mouth just to muffle the sound of his own breathing, knowing damn well that this psychotic bitch who already shot him once won’t hesitate to do it again if she finds him.....gets a call from Stolas.  Stolas, who we clearly see from his leisurely hang out time in his bubble bath, is literally watching this happen and is fully aware that calling Blitz right then was potentially putting him in danger. But what does he say when he gets Blitz on the phone?  He offers--not help--but Blitz the use of his book in exchange for monthly sex.  Stolas literally uses Blitz’s peril as leverage here--consciously or not, though given the fact that he knows the situation at hand, I’d find it very hard to argue that he didn’t do this on purpose--just to get him to agree to be his bootycall until further notice.  

Stolas not only doesn’t lift a finger to help Blitz once in all of this--even at the moment where he and Millie are about to be shot in the face--but instead continues to stay on the phone talking about all of the things he wants for their upcoming future rendezvous.  He already got exactly what he wanted out of this and he still just continues to go for more for himself.

Episode 2

.....There are honestly so many fucked up things that happen here as far as Stolas and his relationship with Blitz goes but honestly the thing I want to draw the MOST attention to is actually Stolas’s storyline with his daughter, Octavia.  I know it’s a little left field, but bear with me--this is actually something I want to use as comparison for Stolas’s relationship to Blitz as we go along:

When Stolas first decides that he’s going to take his daughter to Loo Loo Land, he does so while completey setting aside the fact that she doesn’t want to go.  He just offers her assurances that it’s going to be so much fun because he remembers that she loved it so much when she was a little girl--effectively putting his memory above her wishes even as she’s sitting right there and telling him that she doesn’t enjoy the idea of going now.  

Stolas doesn’t actually notice just how uncomfortable he’s making Octavia throuhought their entire trip by spending his time sexually harassing paying more attention to Blitz than he is trying to cheer her up.  This tells me that Stolas--though I do believe he genuinely wanted to do something to make her happy--still wasn’t able to completely overcome his own self-centered tendencies at first even when it’s for her.  And this is the person that Stolas loves more than anyone or anything else in the entire world. It still wasn’t enough.

It’s only when Octavia runs off and completely breaks down that Stolas finally gets the much needed slap-to-the-face of reality to understand just what he’s putting his daughter through--and, for the first time in the entire show, he actually puts someone else’s needs and well being above himself.  It’s the one solid honest display of love that we see from Stolas in the entire show--and it’s how we as the audience come to learn that that’s how Stolas shows that he loves someone: When he puts their needs above his own with no strings attached or expectations of something in return.  A true selfless act just because he loves them.  **Keep in mind the parallel of Stolas carrying Octavia out of Loo Loo Land at the end, and how it compares to Stolas carrying Blitz out of D.H.O.R.K.S headquarters.

Episode 5

The. Fucking. Cigarette.  I had no idea that something so small and quick would be able to infuriate me as much as it did, but the fact that Blitz used the post sex cigarette to free Stolas from his wrist bondage but then Stolas turned around and put the cigarette out on Blitz’s horn which is literally a part of Blitz’s body just.....honestly it sums up exactly what I’m trying to get across in this entire huge ass post: Stolas only ever thinks of himself first and anything pertaining to anyone else just doesn’t cross his mind at all unless you blatantly put it there in front of his face.  And the fact that he’s still at this point with Blitz all the way here in Episode 5 is not.....promising for their relationship.

The fact that Stolas literally cannot stop himself from calling Blitz “Blitzy” or talking to him in such a condescending way no matter how frustrated Blitz gets and how many times he asks him to stop.  I just--how is that supposed to be interpreted as someone talking to a person that they love?  There’s no respect or dignity given to Blitz at all on Stolas’s part, and the fact that it seems to be presented as a “Oh teehee it’s just their cute couple thing” is just.....I really, really don’t like that.  It also doesn’t match with the Stolas in the very next episode which I quite frankly think is because the creators have been listening to the feedback from fans and were like “We need to SHOW THEM that Stolas actually does speak to Blitz respectfully!!” but that’s just my personal opinion there and, also, it still didn’t happen.  

Episode 6 

Keeping in mind that THIS is finally the episode where we see Stolas actually save Blitz from danger and demonstrate even the slightest inclination towards his well-being.....I think that honestly makes the next few things here even more fucked up

First and foremost: “WE”.  The second after Stolas asks if Blitz is alright and gets the assurance that he is, he roughly grabs his cheek and points out that “If you get in trouble, I get in trouble!  WE don’t want that”.  The fact that this is the first time that Stolas ever talks about Blitz in the context of “we”--when really what he’s really saying is that him [Stolas] getting in trouble is going to be a bad thing for all of them--is just.....so, so disappointing.  At least with this I could hope that perhaps the idea here is that Stolas is genuinely afraid that if he gets in trouble, he won’t be able to protect Blitz from the undoubtedly much worse trouble that he would be in as an imp, but still.  The fact that Stolas immediately reverts back to his self-centered perspective so quickly after supposedly being so worried about Blitz’s wellbeing, really makes it seem as though it’s just his own ass that he’s trying to protect.  And that.....isn’t  exactly what I’d been expecting from “the episode that confirms Stolitz is canon” feedback I’d been hearing.

"Am I going to get ANY thank you for the rescue Bltizy?”  This for me was kind of what actually lead to me having this whole epiphany over Stolas’s selfish perspective in the first place.  I realized that even here--even when he’s just been the most “romantic” towards Blitz that he’s ever been in any previous episodes up until now [and yes this shift in his character was incredibly jarring for me because of that]--Stolas still goes right back to thinking about what he’s going to get out of this now that he knows Blitz is safe.  Let’s take this back to that thing I was saying about Episode 2 and comparing how Stolas rescued Octavia and how he rescues Blitz.  Obviously they’re going to be different because it’s Stolas’s daughter vs his hook up BUT just think about where the focus is for Stolas in both of these scenes.  With Octavia, Stolas is entirely focused on making things up to her--taking her to do something she wants to do--even if it’s something that he himself doesn’t fully understand or isn’t fully into.  That doesn’t matter though, because the entire point is that he’s doing something just for her.  It doesn’t have to be about him.  But now go back to the scene where Stolas is carrying Blitz out of the room.  What does he do?  Ask what Blitz is going to do for him.  That just takes the idea that this scene was a confirmation of their love and throws it right out the window.  Stolas--as we’ve been shown before--would never ask for something in return from someone that he actually loves.  

Now let’s take a look at the one and only episode we have of Striker and Blitz interacting together, with an honorary shout out at hallucination!Striker’s appearance in Episode 6: 

Episode 5: 

Striker knows Blitz’s name.....and he uses it.  He’s literally the ONLY other character that we’ve seen so far refer to Blitz as “Blitz” instead of “Blitzo” or “Blitzy” by someone who wasn’t a member of I.M.P..  Aka someone who wasn’t a member of Blitz’s family.  He shows Blitz respect at that basest level, and only builds on that from there going forward.

Striker first recognizes Blitz for being “the bold imp that started his own killin’ biz”.  Not his hotness, not his skills in the Harvest Moon games because at that point he hasn’t seen them yet.....but for his accomplishment in starting up his own successful business down in Hell.  He treats it as an accomplishment.  With the kind of respect that comes with acknowledging another person for their accomplishments.  Right there, within two seconds of meeting him, Striker demonstrates more respect for Blitz than Stolas has yet to do in the entire show.

The Harvest Moon Festival Games.  Now this is something I find fascinating to think about from Striker’s perspective in particular.  We as the audience are shown pretty early on that Striker has a strong desire to be the one who comes out on top.  He likes the idea of being superior and he openly relishes in the praise and attention he gets for being better than everybody else.  ....Except Blitz.  When they tie in the games, Striker doesn’t seem bothered with sharing the spotlight with him at all.  If anything, he--again--respects just how skilled Blitz is in rightfully earning his place beside him on the stage.  That, to me, is HUGE.  I’m not going to go so far as to say that Striker necessarily sees them as equals because I think that might be going a bit too far for his ego but he does still fully acknowledge that Blitz is in the same general class as him: that is to say, better than most.  Worthy of the same kind of acknowledgement and praise that Striker gets.  I literally can’t get over just how big of a thing that is for what we’ve been shown of Striker’s character, and I think it’s unfortunately something that’s incredibly easy to miss or gloss over. :(

And now--for what I personally think is the most significant thing of all--we have: “We”.  How many times does Striker suggest during that final scene between them that he really wants Blitz to join forces with him as equals?  He never demands that Blitz join up with him, he doesn’t threaten him into joining up with him--Striker barely even hurts Blitz at all during their fight scene compared to how he tried to straight up murder Moxxie--and, most of all, Striker continues to acknowledge that Blitz deserves better than his current arrangement with Stolas.  And he’s right.  But instead of putting it as “I’M right and this is why you should do this”, he always puts his focus on Blitz himself, or the two of them together as a partnership:  “You are so above sucking on a a digusting rich pompous Goetia” | “We could be the most dangerous beings in Hell, Blitz” | “You could partner up with me and klll the unkillable--starting with the one that treats you like a plaything”.  It’s just--I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me this long to put together why Striker appeals so much more to me as a romantic interest for Blitz, but really breaking it down episode by episode and comparing the differences in wording between Striker and Stolas’s dialogue when it comes to Blitz is just.....holy shit. 

Honorary ShoutOut of Episode 6: 

The fact that the only thing hallucination Striker has to say to him is “But you don’t want to do things alone Blitzo!” is really, really interesting to me in the fact that he’s.....not......wrong??  Like, To be fair, Striker, RoboFizz, and Verosika all spill their harsh truths, but the thing is.....Striker’s is markedly different in that his wording really isn’t harsh or aggressive at all the way the other two are.  He’s just kinda stating a fact in an overexaggerated way because tripping balls hallucination sequence.  It’s very interesting to me that that’s the worst that Blitz can imagine him to say--as well as the fact that halluci!Striker calls him “Blitzo”, which is really weird considering that Striker’s never called him “Blitzo” once in the entire show.  Makes me kinda wonder where that came from tbh. 

Alright so, in conclusion of this very long and rambly styie post: I want to take things back to where I started by reiterating that this is not me trying to convince anyone that BlitzStrike is “right” and Stolitz is “wrong”, or that you should stop shipping what you’re shipping in the fandom.  This was just me honestly getting way more excited than I should’ve been over having my “Eureka!” moment for realizing why this new episode didn’t put me back on the Stolitz train like it did for so many other people--and why, in fact, it actually made me think even more favorably of the idea of Blitz and Striker being together.  

Thanks for sticking around with me for this very long read, I hope you found it interesting, and I really really hope that it didn’t piss anyone off or rub too many people the wrong way.  Like I said at the beginning, ship who you want to ship!!  That’s part of the fun of being in a fandom.  I’m just hoping that this might help make it easier to understand at least one perspective on why Stolitz is seen as being so problematic as a ship [as of where they are right now].  

Here’s to seeing where things go from here!! 

[slovakbabe]

Btw i was watching sleeping beauty yesterday and i went to log it on letterboxd and see the reviews (bc I liked the movie a lot) and this absolute genius really understood the entire movie. (Also this is gonna be long bc i think im gonna go thru it maybe line by line?)

'Infuriating--offensive to women and unsexy to men'? Way to admit that u watched it to see Emily brownings tits lmao. I don't think this guy understands why the rules were what they were. Also, it's not technically fssw, but it does fall under the realm of sex work. 'Invite mild abuse'? No woman, no matter her occupation, invites abuse. 'Ineffectual men who can only be turned on by a girl under mute and paralyzed submission' you mean men who watch porn?

'Cold and uninsightful about who Lucy is' i don't think this guy watched the movie right. It's very obvious that she's working three jobs to make ends meet in addition to being a college/university student. 'For no fucking reason, she burns the money received from the first payout. What a free-spirited radical!' Did... u not catch the very thinly veiled look of disgust on her face at what she did to get the money? The look of disassociation? 'We only thought she was doing it for the money!' Dude?

'In theory if she enjoyed sexual degradation she would become a fssw and film it to jack off to it!' Is that what you think fssws do after their work? Men are so damn dumb

'She can't be doing the job she is because she's hot and other people think she's hot!' My fucking god dude

'Her friend, what does he mean to her and how did they meet? What does he mean to her' Not important bc the movie is focused on her and her dive into sex work. Also, it's fairly obvious that he has unrequited feelings for her from the very first introduction we get of their friendship. 'Like every pretentious puzzle piece in this movie, it's undisclosed' make up your mind, is it too smart or too dumb for you?

'This may be a surprise but the writer/director is a woman' are we accusing women making art house movies of being misogynist? What the hell does that even mean?

'Ends up saying nothing abt d/s dynamics in contemporary sexuality' that's how it is with all sexuality going back to Ancient Greece w its terms lover and beloved (may be misremembering). 'Says nothing of motivating behavior of women who consent to humiliation and a man who wants to dominate' you mean like you and your wife having sex? 'Impotent mans need to body worship a woman' because the movie isn't about the men who patronize it, it's about the women who do it.

'Leigh's style is to set up sexual scenes and then cut away leaving unexplained residues' because if there was no cutaway during the sexual scenes the movie probably would've never been created! The cutaways happen because we don't know as much as she doesn't know what happens while she's sleeping. And granted they did give full frontal scenes but HBO does that too. 'Sleeping beauty is so terribly disjointed to the point where more intellectual viewers aren't given time to ponder greater meaning and subtext' maybe that was the case for you but everyone else had more than two brain cells to rub together

'Im not sure where this film caused disfunctioning in me first--my penis or my brain!' So u watched the movie to get hard and did the thinking w your little head? I hate men.

'Something has happened to cause the madam to come in to the room to wake them both up [lucy and the john]' there was probably a curfew in mind wrt the Johns--6 am maybe? Enough time for them to get home and climb into bed and act like everything's normal. 'Lucy starts screaming for some reason' because she looked over and saw that the man wasn't fucking breathing???? 'The madam hasnt explained that he's dead' but you can tell when someone is by watching their chest. 'The director has finally treated her audience like gullible idiots' you didn't watch the movie right lmao is it too smart or dumb for you? Somebody's mad that the art house movie is art house and wasn't made by marvel.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

I think the show inflated Dawson and Joey’s connection via the dialogue. If they wanted to show us what a deep connection DJ had they should have done more than show Dawson ranting to Joey about his life and having Joey respond to it. I believe they’re childhood friends. I don’t believe they’re soulmates or even that they have the “I-don’t-know-where-you-end-and-I-begin.” Their friendship would have been more believable if Dawson hadn’t been so narcissistic and self absorbed. We should have seen a more balanced/equal relationship between him and the other characters.

I don’t think Dawson is any worse than the other characters, especially during the college years. The main problem with Dawson is that the show continuously tells us what a great guy he is. And by doing so, it doesn’t always hold him accountable to his mistakes to the degree that necessary. When Dawson does apologize he often sounds dismissive and condensing (ei: “I could tell you all roads lead back to me but those are just words…go… you’re free.”) Also, Most of Dawson’s interactions with his friends revolved around his feelings and his interests.

Like in a commentary, Kerr Smith, discusses how hard it was to film the scene where everyone gathered to cheer Dawson up in the end of True Love, especially since the scene before that one featured a very emotional moment between Jack and his dad. It was as if Dawson’s heartbreak was more important than Jack’s. Dawson literally used homophobia directed at Jack to win Joey back and also almost crashed Jack’s boat, he didn’t deserve to have Jack be his friend.

When it comes to Pacey, the narrative acknowledges that he’s a screw up and holds him accountable for his mistakes. When Pacey screws up he usually also apologizes right away and it doesn’t sound half-assed like “I’m sorry IF you got offended.” Also I like that Pacey doesn’t only apologize, he rectifies the situation via his actions (ex: when he came back to dance with Joey at the prom in S6 after humiliating her at prom or when he raised money for Dawson’s film after losing all of his money).

Personally, I don’t think Dawson is any more  misogynistic than any of the other guys. The most misogynistic scene was where Jack told his frat bro that Audrey was “easy”. He was forgiven pretty easily by Audrey and Joey for saying that. Pacey also had a tendency to over-sexualize certain women.

Dawson is horrible in later seasons as well. For one he cheats on his girlfriend and then has the nerve to get angry at Joey for being understandably mad about the situation. He calls her a scared child after just sleeping with her btw which is super gross. Instead of taking responsibility for his screwup he blames her and makes himself to be a victim of Joey.

Dawson still has zero empathy in later seasons. Number 1, he goes to Pacey and asks him to invest ALL his money. As someone who works in the financial world and I believe everyone should know this. It doesn't matter how carefully you invest... you should never invest every cent you have. That is extremely stupid!!! And then he went to his friend wanting him to be the one to invest it and Pacey is smartly reluctant to do so because that is such a bad idea to have your friend do something like that. But he pushed Pacey into it in the first place. It sucks that in the end he lost his money but Pacey also lost his own money... did Dawson give a shit about Pacey? No. He could have comiserated with him since they were both in the same boat but no Dawson thinks of no one but himself. Their whole fight in that episode just infuriates me because it's a lot Dawson dredging up the past and rewriting history to once again making Pacey out to be the villain of his life's movie that he has made in his own head.

"You wanna know why we're not friends, pace? It's not because of what happened with Joey, even though that turned my world upside down. It's because from that day forward, I realized that you hadn't been my friend for... maybe quite some time, 'cause the second you made us competitors" This line makes me livid. Dawson is the one who accused Pacey of stealing the PSATs when he truly didn't, called him weak and self motivated. He threw a basketball at Pacey's face and broke his nose. He forgot his birthday. Told him he should go back to being a screwup who makes him feel better about his life. Dawson was a horrible friend and all those things happened before the situation with Joey and Dawson has to the nerve to act like Pacey was the one who didn't want to be his friend. Also the line about making them competitors? Dawson made them competitors. He did not have to care that Pacey and Joey dated he did not need to throw away their friendship. He chose that. He ruined their friendship. Dawson literally made them competitors when he signed up for the boat race that Pacey had signed up to take part in weeks before all the drama went down. Dawson is literally rewriting history there to make himself the victim.

"I remember when my best friend had a choice and chose to turn his back on me. If you'd ever stopped settin' us up against each other, you woulda realized that you and I are not that far apart." Pacey turned his back on him? I seem to recall Pacey doing everything in his power to fix their friendship in S4 including apologizing to Dawson even though I don't believe he needed to. Also Pacey went to Dawson to apologize about losing all his money and Dawson dredged up the past and tried to demonize him for things that he had already apologized for years prior. Looks to me like your the one settin you two up against each other, Dawson!

"You don't wanna know me, pace. You wrote me off a long time ago." Again I feel like a broken record but in season 5 and 6 Pacey was extremely nice to Dawson way nicer than I would have been. Dawson wrote Pacey off the moment he found out he was dating Joey.

Secondly he never apologized to Pacey for nearly killing him and saying horrible vile things about him at the end of Season 3 so one can assume that he believed until the end of time that he wasn't in the wrong. Plus i'm of the opinion that he shouldn't be forgiven until he has apologized.

He is way more sexist than Pacey and Jack... there might be some peripheral characters that have him beat but i'm not too sure.

In season 5, he meets that film critic and says some sexist bullshit to her specifically this is their exchange...

Amy: Hardball. Keanu Reeves coaches this inner-city little league team and, in the process, changes their lives for the better. I lost it. I mean, I cried like a baby. I saw it in the theater 5 times.

Dawson: That explains that, then.

Amy: What?

Dawson: Why your boyfriend dumped you. You're a sentimental drama queen with really crappy taste in movies.

1. Fuck you Dawson. Your opinion in movies is not that great. Wasn't he the one who in S3 went on and on to Pacey about how he didn't like film noir... yeah I don't trust his opinion in movies in the least.

2. Drama queen?! Also telling a random woman you don't even know that he understands why her boyfriend dumped her?! Again fuck you Dawson.

[voldemorthatesnose96]

RETROUVAILLES

(The final part)

Chapter one

Chapter two

Chapter three

Big thanks to @dreamy-slytherin for making a drawing for this fic❤️❤️❤️

 Earthlingoddity :

Do you need me to pick you up at the bus stop?

Sterkerdanijzer :

Sander, for a THOUSAND times since yesterday evening, I’m fine LOL! Really, don’t worry too much, please😌

Earthlingoddity :

You sure?

Sterkerdanijzer :

If you asks that again, the deal’s off

Earthlingoddity :

OK OK OK! I’ll shut up now. Careful on your way. Been preparing some croques for you

Sterkerdanijzer :

You’re the best!

Btw...

Uh-oh.

Is he gonna back out now? Is something happen? Did he say something wrong just now?

Sander tries to calm his breath as he types.

Earthlingoddity :

Yes, Robbe?

Sterkerdanijzer :

Do you mind if I bring Peter Pan along again?🥺he’s gonna be good. Pinky promise!

Sander lets out a very relief breath. Why does Robbe always makes him feel on edge, though? He really have it bad.

Earthlingoddity :

Jesus, you scared me for a sec right there. Of course you can

Sterkerdanijzer :

You really are THE BEST, Mr Driesen. See you in 15 mins!!

It takes five minutes for Sander to finally comes back to reality when Robbe called him Mr Driesen. Okay, he’s been calling that many times by many people BUT it feels much different when Robbe did it. Somehow Sander can hear Robbe’s voice through his phone saying that, and... God, he doesn’t know what to think anymore. What a blessing that no human can hear each other’s thoughts; because sure as hell, Robbe will run away once he knows about Sander’s inner thought.

Yesterday, Sander insisted to pick Robbe at his flat because it’s a bit far but Robbe always declined—said that distance never really matters to him whatsoever. Maybe Sander was being overreacted but he already feels protective of this cute yet unpredictable guy, and definitely not the same feeling like he’s being protective of a friend. Yeah, maybe he should tone it down a bit. Robbe’s not a kid, he’s capable of taking care of himself.

Trying to distract himself, Sander is now standing in front of the kitchen counter, staring at the croque he just made few minutes before he sent the text to Robbe. For today, he needs to impress Robbe—from his dish to this safe haven. Sander woke up at five in the morning today after doing a morning yoga routine to calm himself from the nervousness and then tidying his half-messy flat.

“Croques, don’t let me down,” Sander pleads as he lifts the plate. “don’t let my crush down. Please!”

He almost drops the plate when he hears a knock on his door.

Shit!

Okay this is it!

Sander is half-running to the door, taking a deep breath before he holds the knob and opens it. The first thing he sees is Peter Pan excited face; he’s too excited so he literally jumps into Sander’s arms and licks his face.

“Sorry,” Robbe laughs but his tone is definitely not sorry. “he’s being so impatient to meet you.”

“No...” Sander replies in between Peter Pan’s kisses. “problem... at all.”

“Is this the croque you were talking about earlier?”

“Yep!” Sander answers as he puts Peter Pan down, watching his tail shaking left and right and a minute later he’s already out of sight to explore the place.

“Looks good,” Robbe smiles at Sander and the world stops for a second—or at least it feels like for Sander. “can I eat them now? I’m starving.”

Sander clears his throat and force a laugh, “Sure, but I won’t be responsible if you suddenly get a stomachache.”

“I’ll take that risk for you.”

Sander raises his eyebrow. His feet unknowingly takes a step closer—close enough for his hand to graze Robbe’s, but he can’t do it. Yet. So instead, he says, “don’t say something like that.”

Sander thought Robbe will back out, but to his surprise and excitement, he smiles mischievously and says, “or what?”

Sander smirks, “Or I’ll feed you this croque by myself.”

“Please do.”

Excuse me?

What did he just say?

“Go on,” Robbe encourages Sander. “Feed me. I’m waiting.”

Oh, it’s on!

All the way or no way, Driesen.

Without saying another word, Sander grab a piece of his dish and feed it to Robbe who slowly opens his mouth and bites it.

Fucking hell and this infuriating sexual tension!

Sander knows he should look away but he can’t—even when Robbe closes his eyes to savor the food, Sander finds himself more captivated by him. These lips; how does they feel like? How does they taste like? Are they gonna be as soft as silk? As decadent as the most expensive chocolate?

But he must stop. He should stop his thoughts—this kind of thoughts, to be exact or there’ll be an unnecessary trouble.

“Is it good?”

“Divine,” Robbe says, smiling softly but later turns serious. “You okay? Your face look tense.”

Of course, I’m not okay, Robbe! He thought bitterly.

“Yes,” Sander answers in a clipped voice. “Would you like to do it now?”

Robbe is clearly confuse by Sander’s sudden dismissal but doesn’t say anything about it. To be completely honest, his feeling is a bit hurt.

“Okay.”

Sander turns his back to see Robbe’s hurtful face and immediately feels bad, “sorry,” he breathes. “It’s just.. whenever I’m around you, my brain’s stop working.”

“Am I that bad?”

Sander almost laugh, “God, no. You’re far from that. You’re special, Robbe IJzermans.”

Hearing this, Robbe’s blushes hard and quick. This is the very first time he hears someone—not just someone—but Sander Driesen, the coolest guy on YouTube, actually said that he’s special. His heart’s beating really, really fast right now.

“Komaan.” Sander says as he takes Robbe’s hand to his room.

The first thing Robbe sees is a HUGE poster of David Bowie in front of Sander’s bed. It’s so huge that maybe it can be use as a blanket.

“Cool, huh?” Sander chuckles when he notices Robbe’s ‘awe’ expression.

“So cool.”

“You can stare at him all you want later,” Sander says as he sits on the floor and grabs his guitar. “Alle kom, Robbe! Sit beside me.”

Robbe do what he’s been told. Something like the ocean and summer breeze from Sander catches his nose and Robbe finds himself inhaling that scent deeply.

Perfect. Now his heart beats erratically again.

“You ready?” Sander asks, looking straight at Robbe’s eyes.

“I am.”

Sander can feel Robbe’s nervousness and knowing it’s because of his presence can do such thing to his crush, it makes him smile so wide. Before he can stop, his hand touches Robbe’s cheek, “you’ll be fine. Okay?”

Robbe nods. He takes the flower crown from his bag and wears it.

“Cutie,” Sander mumbles softly under his breath before he presses “enter” on his keyboard to start the video.

“Hey everyone, Sander’s here and I’m with someone really special today,” he looks at Robbe whose eyes are as big as a globe because he’s too shock. “Introduce yourself. Go on!”

Robbe blinks fast as he comes back to earth, “uh, yeah! It’s Robbe and I agreed to do a collab with Jack Frost beside me.”

“Jack Frost, huh?”

“Yes, you are.”

“Fair enough,” Sander grins. “What are we gonna do today?”

“Whatever you want.” Robbe answers innocently.

“I have a lot of things on my mind about it BUT we’re gonna do an impromptu song cover for now.”

“What are we gonna sing?” Then Robbe quickly adds. “Oh not Bowie or anything that we particularly love.”

“I’m listening.” Sander says seriously.

“What’s song that’s been on your playlist for awhile, you like but never really sing it out loud?”

Sander immediately replies, “Ben Howard’s song called Promise.”

The big smile Sander adores so much reappears, “I also happened to know that song! Shall we sing it now?”

Just when Robbe is about to sing, Peter Pan suddenly bursts in, quickly finds place on his lap and sleeps. They can’t help but laugh at this marvelous sight.

“Sorry, viewers. This is just my puppy, Peter Pan.”

“And he’s dead tired.” Sander adds, chuckling.

“Anyway, let’s continue. You sing first, Sander!”

The cheerful vibes between them gradually turns much calmer when Sander sings the first chorus.

“And meet me there, bundles of flowers, we wait through the hours of cold...”

Robbe continues.

“Winter shall howls at the wall, tearing down doors of time...”

Both are singing melodiously, much to their surprises because none of them really actually practice or anything. It’s purely ‘in the moment’ situation. Hundreds of comment keeps on coming, saying they look really cute together, etc etc etc. The views rapidly increases from two thousand something to eleven thousand within few minutes.

Robbe admires ardently how Sander plays the guitar in the most calming manner possible. No rush, no hesitation, no doubt—it feels like he was born to hold that instrument. These tattoos, especially the Bowie’s lightning one on Sander’s wrist is making him look even more ethereal. Bleached-blond hair with black clothes and tattoos; Sander Driesen is the perfect example of a sweetest sin that Robbe will gladly accepts.

On the other hand, Sander never truly realises how beautiful Robbe is, now that he’s finally be able to sees his face up close. Everything about him is perfect—too perfect for him. He wonders how it feels like to have their bodies wrap together, with or without clothes. How his fingers slowly but hungrily traces every inch of Robbe’s body.

“Who am I darling, to you? Who am I? Going to tell you stories of mine... who am I?” Sander sings, never breaking the eye contact from Robbe. “Who am I darling, for you? Who am I? Going to be a burden... who am I darling, to you? Who am I?” He continues when his crush is too stunned to say anything.

Fuck it! I don’t care anymore!

Sander puts his guitar aside, places one hand on Robbe’s cheek, and without thinking, without worrying about the fact that thousands of people are watching this live stream, Sander kisses him. He promises to himself that if Robbe gives him the slightest uncomfort, he’ll back down, just like that.

But the greedy monster inside him roars in victory when Robbe’s also leaning closer and deepening the kiss.

After several long moments, or maybe several moons later (okay this is too much but it does feel like it for Sander), both finally breaking the kiss to catch a breath.

Robbe breathes, “Wow, that was...”

“Amazing?”

“Spectacular?”

“Show-stopping?”

“Never the same?”

“Totally unique?”

“Brilliant?”

Sander laughs loud until his nose scrunches, “unbelievable. We just kissed and suddenly mimicked Lady Gaga’s wisdom words? Never been done before.”

Robbe laughs nervously. His lips are chapped, so does Sander’s.

“You do realise that we’re still going live, right?”

“Of course I do and I don’t care,” Sander abruptly turns to camera and says proudly. “mense, I just kissed my crush in front of you all, even the world, and I have no regrets. I’ve been dying to kiss him for months and now I finally got it. And that also concludes today’s video. See you very soon and thanks for watching!”

“I still can’t believe we actually did it.”

Sander gives him a peck, “oh but we just did.”

Robbe smiles shyly, “so, what are gonna do now?”

“Kissing, talking, kissing again, lots of kissing, talking,” Sander smirks. “What about you?”

“Just kiss me now, please.”

Sander kisses Robbe again and again then whispers, “You don’t need to say please, engel.”

Couple hours later