#and NOT EVEN 2 weeks later in real life they invite us out to get drinks??? are we just going crazy

[misanth-sys]

Ok does anyone else as a system struggle to have friendships because they seem to attract people who aren’t good for them?? Like we always end up making friends with people who turn out to be really manipulative or similar things like that and I just wonder does it have to do with the fact that we have been through trauma or something else???

Like why does it keep happening every time? Do we just have that bad of luck, is it some type of pattern? It’s been some weird constant thing that ends up occurring for almost the entirety of our lives now so we don’t really understand it.

I swear if it’s because of our outward appearance being so laid back and nice I’m going to personally slap ourselves-

[sirfrogsworth]

Dinner with Aunt Denise & Uncle Jeff A Tale of Science Fair Photography

Ever since my parents died my aunt and uncle have done their best to fill some of the hole left in my heart. It almost feels like they adopted me in a way. They check on me. They help me clean. They helped me sort through all of my parents' belongings. And from time to time they invite me over for dinner when I'm feeling up to it.

Last week I got a new invitation. I had been feeling pretty lonely as of late so I graciously accepted. Before I left I saw my camera sitting on the table and realized I had this fancy new lens which is especially suited for taking pictures of people.

I thought to myself...

"This lens has only taken pictures of bridges at sunset."

Which is cool and everything, but I don't really want my only photos to be of bridges at sunset. I like taking pictures of other things.

I didn't have any lighting equipment handy—just a single external flash. And without a solid plan for how I was going to use it, I quickly packed said flash and headed westward. As I saw the sun lowering in the sky above the highway my big photography brain had an idea...

"I should take pictures of *people* at sunset."

I needed a reflector of some kind to bounce my flash against. I thought poster board would probably suffice so I stopped at Walmart and headed to the arts and crafts area. I found these tri-fold poster board thingies that grade school kids use to display their science fair experiments.

I got 2 for $7!

What a deal!

After I arrived I asked if my aunt & uncle minded having their photo taken. My aunt said she was fine with it but warned me that no one had ever been able to take a decent photo of her.

I'm typically not one to be braggadocious, but I replied...

"Well, that's because you've never had your photo taken by ME."

I'm not sure I should have been so cocky considering my lighting equipment is typically used to display the life cycle of earthworms, baking soda volcanos, and... potato batteries—which was the delightful and totally real project I just found on Google.

Science Fair Entry from Billy, Age 10

After a delicious feast of bratwurst, salad, and non-electrified potatoes, I convinced my aunt and uncle to sit for a sunset photoshoot. They even helped me set up my science fair project.

Science Fair Entry from Froggie, Age 42

I decided to do a quick test indoors to make sure my plan would work. Jeff volunteered for my first experiment.

Without my contraption...

With my contraption...

I think my experiment was quite promising. But would my idea hold up outside during the sunset with constantly dimming conditions?

We moved everything to the backyard. The tri-fold poster board was a bit ornery regarding its uprightness and needed to be tamed. My Uncle Jeff used a large rock, some pillows, and a step ladder to keep the makeshift reflectors in place.

I started taking test photos without the flash to figure out the background exposure.

Those pesky power lines were going to need to be zapped later in Photoshop, but I was really digging the scenery.

I dialed everything in, started taking photos, and even on the little rear camera screen I felt like they were turning out well. With the sun setting the sky looked like it was on fire. But then the batteries died in my flash and I was starting to lose that fiery sky as darkness began to creep into view.

Unfortunately, all of the potatoes were in our bellies so my aunt scrambled to find regular batteries in the house.

This photoshoot had become a complete team effort with everyone doing their part to make it a success.

Surprisingly it was my Uncle Jeff was giving me some bona fide model poses. He just naturally has some sort of... resting model face. Very masculine and authentic. And my Aunt Denise is just pure sunshine manifested as a person. So I had no problems getting nice expressions from her.

So... would you like to see the pictures?

Will I get a blue ribbon on my science fair project?

Am I building up the suspense too much?

Okay, here we go...

I suppose the only validation I really need is from the person who has never had a decent photo taken of them.

Let's see the verdict.

All of those hours and hours of photography training helped me learn the problem solving skills I needed to pull off a photoshoot with seven dollars in supplies.

Take a small light source, bounce it off something larger, and you get a big light source.

And big light sources make people look snazzy in photographs.

Easy!

Are you kidding me?

I lost to the potato kid?

What kind of rigged nonsense...

[lucy90712]

Hey so for Jude Bellingham can you write like Jude cheating on reader, he is very distant with her and she tries to make plans or asks him things like how has ur day been but he either just gives her blunt replies or just completely ignores her. Reader finds out he cheated on her via his phone and she confronts him and she admits it. Then reader leaves him and moves on with someone else (not a footballer just someone random) and Jude regrets what he has done but it is too late. Like pure angst and please make it long! Thank you!

A/n: the timeline on this doesn’t really work but just ignore that

Part 2

Sitting in a restaurant alone waiting for someone to show up is embarrassing. It's even more embarrassing when people know who your boyfriend is and are very clearly judging you and thinking about what might be going on in your personal life. Then the most embarrassing part of it all is having to leave after sitting there for an hour. 

No text no call and no answer. After getting home from the restaurant I stayed up for as long as possible to try and wait for Jude to come home so I could ask him why he didn't show up to the date he planned and invited me on but by 3am he still wasn't home. The next morning he wasn't in bed but he had clearly been home and then left for training but he still hadn't even read the texts I sent him last night. He did post on his Instagram story which explained where he was, he was at a party with all of his friends. I'd love to say that's the first time he's done this but it isn't in fact he's done it countless times in the last few months. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Valentine's Day

Two hours ago I got ready in a cute dress and did my makeup ready to go out to dinner with Jude. He's been so busy recently so we haven't spent much time together but he promised me we'd spend Valentine's Day together, he got us a reservation at my favourite restaurant and told me to dress up. That's exactly what I did now I'm sat here still waiting for him to get home two hours after when he said he'd be home. 

It hurts to be left just waiting I was looking forward to tonight and getting to spend some time together as I've missed having him around. He made this move to Madrid out to be the best thing for us but ever since things just haven't been the same. He's always busy and when he's not he chooses to spend time with his teammates instead which I understand but at the same time he's neglecting me and our relationship. I tried to bring this up but he shut me down and promised to spend more time with me which is how we ended up with this date but clearly it's not that important to him. 

Close to 3 hours later Jude finally came home and looked at me incredibly confused when he saw me all dressed up. 

"Where are you going?" He asked 

"On a date with you remember you said we would go out for dinner because it's Valentine's Day" I said 

"I'm so sorry baby I completely forgot this week has been crazy I promise I'll make it up to you another day but I'm so tired is a movie night instead ok" he said 

"Yeah its ok" I lied 

Birthday 

As always I woke up to an empty bed and Jude having left for training. Today isn't any normal day though it's my birthday so all my friends are coming over and we are going to go out for lunch together then hopefully Jude and I can do something together this evening even if it's just watching something together on the sofa. When I grabbed my phone from my bedside table I had loads of messages from friends and family wishing me a happy birthday and my social media was filled with edits done by Jude's fans which were all so sweet. The only notable missing thing was a text from Jude but that's ok he might've been running late and forgot. 

I forgot about Jude as soon as my friends arrived as they all spoiled me far too much but I had so much fun with them. It was nice to be distracted from real life and stop worrying about when Jude will be home, if he will remember it's my birthday or if he still cares about me at all. Once I got back home Jude's car was already in the driveway so I smiled and happily made my way inside to see him. I wasn't expecting Vini and Eduardo to be over but there they were sat on the sofa playing video games with Jude. 

"Hey y/n happy birthday" Vini said 

"I didn't realise it was your birthday Jude didn't mention it but happy birthday" Eduardo said 

"Thanks guys" I said 

"Where have you been babe?" Jude asked still not saying happy birthday 

"I was with my friends they took me to lunch" I said 

"That sounds fun" Jude said going right back to his game 

His friends tried to leave saying he should spend time with me but he said it was fine and that I wouldn't mind so they stayed. While they all sat down stairs having more fun than I was I did some work with tears streaming down my face. My own boyfriend doesn't care about my birthday his teammates cared more than he did. 

Anniversary 

"Happy anniversary love" I said when I found Jude in the kitchen this morning 

"Happy anniversary" he said 

I tried to give him a kiss but he dodged it and went to start packing his things as he has an away game later today so he's leaving soon. 

"I'm sorry baby I've got to go I'll see you later though" he said as he left leaving me all alone yet again 

~~~~~~~~~~

Today is a day I always like to forget. Both of my parents died in a car accident two years ago today so it's always an emotional day for me and my siblings, we would like to spend it together to distract ourselves but as I'm in Madrid we can't do that. Instead my friends invited themselves over so that I'd have someone with me which made me feel so much better. They came over early so early that Jude was still here as he hadn't left for training yet. He was doing his own thing as the girls all sat with me and let me get out all my emotions now by telling them memories I have with my parents. 

"You know they'd be so proud of you" one of my friends said 

"I just wish they were here to see all the things me and my siblings have done all thanks to their constant encouragement" I sniffled tears still falling down my face 

"Why are you crying babe?" Jude asked as he walked down the stairs 

"Just thinking about my parents it's the anniversary of their death so I'm just a bit emotional" I said 

"I'm glad the girls are here to make you feel better then I'll see you later ok" he said 

With that he left and my friends all looked at me with an expression I didn't quite understand.

"How long has he been like that?" My best friend asked 

"Like what" I questioned 

"Like you don't matter he didn't even hug you before he left even after you told him why you were upset which he should know anyway dates like this are important for partners to remember" she said 

"I mean it's been a good few months he missed our Valentine's Day dinner he didn't wish me a happy birthday until like 5pm and we didn't do anything on our anniversary" I said finally thinking about how badly he's been treating me

"Girl he doesn't deserve you he's taking you for granted and you don't deserve that" one of the girls said 

"I hate to say this but you need to break up with him clearly he's given up on your relationship and now I might be wrong but wrong but it seems to me like he's found someone else" another said

They were right for months now I've been at the bottom of his priority list and he's nowhere near the Jude I used to know and love. There is no affection there anymore it's like the love we once had is gone. He also has definitely been distant and he's never home so there is a possibility that he could be cheating on me. That's a thought that I'd put in the back of my mind and didn't want to think about but now that someone else that has mentioned it I can't let the thought go. Whether he's cheating or not things definitely aren't how they used to be and I need to get out of this relationship before it's too late. The girls all offered their support and said I can stay with them for as long as I need which gave me the confidence to actually talk to Jude later today. 

When Jude arrived home all the girls left and they wished me good luck which I definitely need as I'm nervous to actually have this conversation even though it needs to be done. Jude went straight to get in the shower so I decided to look at his phone because he told me the password but I have never used it as I trusted him at least until now. It took just seconds of looking for me to find texts between him and this one girl who he had clearly been seeing for months now. He kept saying he would break up with me but the time wasn't right yet and that he wasn't in love with me anymore which hurt to see. I wanted to cry but I held back my tears and instead just sent myself screenshots of everything and then deleted the evidence so he wouldn't know that I knew. 

After his shower Jude took ages to come back downstairs but when he finally did he was looking at his phone and smiling it made me wonder if he was talking to her the girl he'd apparently fallen for. He quickly noticed me staring at him and he just stared back not having a clue what was going on. 

"Jude we need to talk" I said 

"Oh ok is everything alright?" He asked 

"I'm just gong to say it I know what you've been doing and don't lie to me I have screenshots I just want to know when you fell out of love and why you did this instead of just ending things" I said barely holding back tears 

"I don't know it all just happened I'm sorry I should've handled this better I didn't want to hurt you but clearly I haven't done a good job of that" he said 

"Yeah you really have hurt me I should've known when you forgot about our valentines reservations but I was foolish and believed that you were just busy now I know you were with another girl" I said 

"I'm sorry" he said 

"I don't believe you Jude if you were sorry you wouldn't have let this go on for so long it's safe to say we are over I wish you well but please don't try and contact me again I need to just move on" I said 

With that I gathered my things and just left. I left my key, the memories and what felt like half my heart but it had to be done I had to get out of there before I got hurt any more. It's time to move on and start a new life with people around me who truly care about me. 

~~~~~~~~~~

1 year later 

"Come on amor let's go" Carlos called from downstairs 

"Coming" I said running down the stairs 

"Oh wow you look gorgeous" Carlos said 

"Thank you you look good too" I said 

He kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand so we could head out to the car that was outside to pick us up. Just a few days ago Carlos won the French open so we are going out to celebrate. I met Carlos not long after I broke up with Jude I wasn't even looking to date but I just happened to meet him on a night out with my friends and we just clicked. He understood that I wasn't ready to date properly but he didn't give up on me so when I was ready we went on a date and the rest is history. My plan definitely wasn't to date another athlete in fact I wanted to just have a normal life and date a normal guy but I couldn't just let Carlos go and I'm glad I didn't. We have been together officially for 6 months now and they have been the best 6 months of my life he always treats me right and he makes it known how much he loves me. 

Carlos has a lot of friends in Madrid so he decided to come here and celebrate his win with me and my friends as well as his before he goes back home to be with his family. There wasn't really any time to prepare anything so we are all just meeting at a club in town that isn't just open to the public so there shouldn't be lots of people there. All our friends were already there when we arrived as we got caught in a bit of traffic but they didn't seem to mind our lateness they congratulated Carlos on his win and we all went inside. 

As we walked down the stairs all my friends turned to me at once and I wondered what was going on for a second until I saw what they had seen. Jude was right there along with a few of his teammates. I haven't seen him since our breakup which is somewhat of a miracle seeing as I still live and work in Madrid and he has become part of the city. I knew one day we'd meet again I was just hoping it wouldn't be in a day like today I don't want to be thinking about him or to talk to him while celebrating Carlos as tonight shouldn't be about me or my past relationship. Carlos knows everything that happened so once he saw Jude his hand reached for mine and he gave it a comforting squeeze which made me feel a little bit better. The thing is I don't miss Jude at all I'm so much happier now but what he did still hurts me so seeing him for the first time since is a bit painful. 

"We can go somewhere else if you want" Carlos said 

"No it's ok tonight is your night plus he shouldn't affect my life now that's the past you are my present and future" I said 

"Ok as long as you're sure but you are sticking by my side all night" he said 

Jude's POV

"Is that y/n?" Vini asked 

Him saying that caught my attention so I looked in the same direction as him and there she was with all her friends and a guy by her side. I recognised the guy as Carlos Alcaraz the tennis player who just won the French open and a the guy y/n has been dating for at least the last few months. I found that out when late at night after we lost a big game I stalked her Instagram and saw a photo of them together on her private account that she forgot to remove me from. Since that night I have kept an eye on her Instagram I usually check it at least once a week to see what she's been doing and how happy she is without me. 

Since the night that she broke up with me I regretted making all the dumb choices I made that led to that point. Within days I broke things off with the other girl I was seeing and I have been alone ever since I just can't bring myself to see anyone else because they aren't y/n. It sounds stupid because I'm the one that ruined everything I'm the reason she's with Carlos and not me but she was the one I just didn't realise how much I loved her until she was gone. My mum has always told me not to take things for granted as once they are gone you'll realise their true value and that's exactly what I did with y/n I didn't realise just how important she was to me until I made some stupid decisions and let her go. 

I watched her with Carlos for a while and she seemed genuinely happy which made me realise that she hadn't been that happy with me for a long while before we broke up. It was clear to see that she loved him and I could tell that he loved her too because he looked at her the way I did when we first got together. It hurt to see her so happy with someone else because I know I could've had that but now I won't get to share any moment like that with her ever again. I deserve everything that has come to me I made bad choices and as much as I regret them now it won't change anything. 

I have to let her go because for her to be happy I need to not be in her life as much as that hurts. They say if you love her let her go and that's what I need to do let the one go because as much as she might've been the one for me I'm not the one for her. 

[etherealising]

chapter one | a berzatto family christmas

masterlist | next chapter ↣

pairing(s): carmen berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!michael berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader

summary: you reunite with carmy years later at the berzatto family christmas party.

warnings: language (cursing), blasphemy, angst (maybe?), spoilers kinda (if you haven't seen season 2 don't read), the berzatto family, not dialogue heavy, very subtle hints to mikey being suicidal, probably ooc!characters, idk what else but if you find something let me know please! not beta’d and minimal editing so sorry for any mistakes. i also wrote this overstimulated on caffeine so if it doesn’t make sense or it’s repetitive then we know why : )

semantics: no use of Y/N: reader goes by the nickname Baby it has a backstory and its literally so simple, if this bothers you idk what to tell you, sorry : (

wc: 4.7k

You were standing on the sidewalk, nerves filling your body as you hyped yourself up to take the few steps left to the porch and ring the doorbell. You shouldn’t have been so nervous, you knew that but your mind was spinning with the myriad of scenarios both good and bad; that could play out once you stepped foot past the threshold. In all honesty, it wasn’t so much that you were nervous to enter the house itself, it was the fact that you’d be face to face with your childhood best friend for the first time in you didn’t even know how long. Maybe childhood best friend was a stretch you had only been introduced into each other's lives due to circumstance, and because of that forced proximity, you both took comfort in having someone stable around.

The two of you weren’t friends because you had chosen each other, or because you had met in kindergarten and shared toys in the sandbox because the other kids were stingy. No, you met because as a single mom, your mother needed all the shifts she could get even if that meant working the graveyard shift at the hospital, and only seeing you a handful of hours throughout the day because most times she was too dead on her feet to be conscious for more than a few hours. And when she could no longer pay the babysitter her next best option was the eccentric woman across the street who had children close in age with you.

Enter Donna Berzatto, a woman who came to feel like a second mom to you. It's not that she replaced your mom, no one could ever replace her, but she was the only real mother figure you knew for a time in your life. Who took you in as her own when your mother needed a new babysitter, and not just you but integrated your mom into the family as well, when she was spared the time off from nursing. Donna Berzatto who never sent you home empty-handed, and always made enough food for you and your mom to last throughout the week, just so your mother wouldn’t have to worry about fitting grocery shopping into her already hectic schedule. Donna Berzatto who, even when you were old enough to no longer need a babysitter, would send Carmy across the street to fetch you for family dinner, or even just invite you over because she thought you needed company.

Now that you were thinking about it, it seemed like you were more friends with his mom than you ever were with Carmen Berzatto. But then that would be a lie wouldn’t it?

You and Carmen Berzatto were friends due to circumstance, maybe even best friends. You weren’t just friends at his house, but you were school friends, you were everywhere friends. He really was your only true friend, of course, you had school friends, but that’s just what they were. You saw them Monday through Friday for a mandatory education, never an hour before school started or a minute after the final bell. Which didn’t necessarily bother you, but sometimes you longed for a weekend invitation to hang out, not that it ever came. And it wasn’t like you were shunned or unpopular in school, you were just average, you didn’t see a point in making friends with people you weren’t actually interested in befriending.

That’s what made Carmy so different, yes maybe you were only introduced due to circumstances but that didn’t stop the two of you from latching onto each other for dear life. Your mom always wondered how you two even established the friendship you did, with both of you being shy and never feeling the need to go out of your way to make friends. Include the fact that you had been neighbors practically your whole lives and never once taken an interest in each other aside from shy waves and curious childlike staring when either of you would be outside.

Your relationship with Carmen progressed as any childlike relationship would, you befriended each other, had your incessant petty arguments and fights, nothing ever serious enough to actually cause damage just childish antics. And it continued to progress through middle school and high school, the two of you were each other’s person, you just understood each other, the two of you let the other understand you, and wanted to be understood by each other.

You could also recall what you explain as a minute change in your friendship. As Senior year approached and you and Carmy continued to grow into yourselves, you developed a slight crush on the boy you had grown up with. It obviously wasn’t as small as you thought it was if you were standing in front of his childhood home giving yourself a pep talk just to ring the damn doorbell though was it?

The unsolicited card and wrapped present weighed heavy in your tote bag, as your breath was made visible by the chilly Chicago weather.

It was Christmas and for all intents and purposes you had been planning on mailing the present to Carmen’s New York address, but after visiting The Beef on your way back into town Mikey and Richie had let it slip that indeed the infamous Berzatto sibling would be gracing everyone with his presence this holiday season.

It was moments like these you wished you had picked up on the Berzatto family’s horrible smoking habit, thankfully your mom had taught you just how vital having functioning lungs was.

Your head shot up as the sound of loud rambunctious voices drew your attention to the front door opening and closing revealing a face you were all too familiar with and actually relieved to see. The oldest Berzatto brother stood on the porch, hands on his hips as he gave you a goofy smile. You could feel your lips stretching into a smile of your own, the infectious aura that Michael Berzatto exuded doing wonders to calm your racing mind.

“I know you didn’t come all this way just to stand outside staring at my family home like a fucking weirdo Baby.” Mikey’s smile grew in size as he teased you.

You rolled your eyes at the childhood nickname you wish hadn’t stuck as Mikey opened his arms to wrap you in one of his signature hugs. The two of you stood on the porch embracing each other for what felt like hours, you needed this hug as much as he needed it, you knew it and Mikey did too. That was the thing about you and Mikey although not blood-related it was as if your souls knew each other in a past life. Of the Berzatto siblings, Mikey was the last sibling you developed a relationship with. Growing up he was always just Carmy’s older brother but as you grew up surrounded by him, he became your surrogate older brother as well. And when Carmy dashed off to pursue his culinary dreams in New York, you and Mikey grew even closer.

You stepped back from the embrace, your eyes finding Mikey’s as he looked at you with a knowing glint in his eyes. “You not standing out here cause of a certain Chef in that house are ya?” Mikey asked, smirking down at you.

You chuckled “The only reason I come around anymore is for Mama Donna.” You joked doing a poor job to convince Mikey.

He nodded, tossing his head back with a laugh, “You were always a shit liar Baby. Carmy’s an idiot, don't let him ruin your Christmas.”

You let out a sigh head resting against Mikey’s chest as you tried to let his words soothe you even more, “He’s not ruining it, you just know things have been kind of stilted between us, and I don’t know this whole situation just feels awkward.”

You raised your head to look at Mikey again, “It’s awkward right? Am I making things awkward? I don’t wanna ruin Christmas Mikey, I know how your mom is and I know how Carmy is, I don’t wanna ambush him.”

The worry in your voice was evident as Mikey stood there listening to your ranting. His hand reached out as he used his thumb to massage away the frown between your eyebrows. “Calm down Baby, you know Ma is expecting you, and she wouldn’t take it well if you missed Christmas. She looks forward to seeing you every year, you give her a piece of Carmy when he can’t be fucking asked to come home and visit.” His hand moved down to cup the side of your neck rubbing soothing circles where his thumb rested, “Do it for Ma okay? Let Carmy be fucking wonder boy Carmy a’ight.”

You laughed nodding your head as best as you could with Mikey’s hand holding it, he smiled giving you one last hug before dropping his hand to grab your wrist and tug you into the house. You stopped him by placing a hand on his arm that was connected to yours.

“Hold on Mikey, I got you something.” You moved to start rummaging through your tote bag stalling because you were too nervous for his reaction to the present.

“Awe you didn’t have to get me nothing.” You turned back to him with the present in your hands as he held his own hands over his heart mockingly. You knew Mikey didn’t do well when it came to sentimental things and the best you would get out of him was a joke as opposed to anything else.

You laughed holding the rectangular wrapped present out to him, “I wanted to Mikey, don’t think of this as a gift, think of it uhh…as a show of appreciation yeah?” You nodded feeling your face heat up as you dropped your head so he couldn’t see how unsure you were about the gift.

He smiled, finding your shyness endearing before tearing into the neatly wrapped paper and revealing a frame, his hands engulfing it from end to end. He smiled looking at it before you saw confusion etch across his face, “This is great Baby, yeah but uh what the fuck am I looking at?”

You shove his shoulder before laughing at him and grabbing the frame out of his hands but holding it in front of your chest so he could still see its contents, “It's a trademark certification you dumbass, can’t you fucking read Mikey.” You joked to try and underestimate how big of a gift this was.

Mikey’s brows furrowed before he snatched the frame out of your hands to get a better look at the certificate sitting behind the glass, eyes snapping back up to your face with a look you couldn’t read. You shuffled your feet feeling like you overstepped a boundary you didn’t even know was between you and Mikey, “Don’t worry though I-I, put it in your name, it’s not like I trademarked it for myself or anything. I just know how much this means to you and I, I know shit has been tough lately and I’m sorry if you feel like I stepped on your toes but…Mikey, you deserve good things too okay?” You hadn’t meant to go on a rant, but you could feel the apprehension leaving you as you became passionate in every word you spoke.

“You deserve to be fucking happy Mikey, and I, I want you to know I fucking believe in you and I’m always in your corner. If it's-” You were cut off by Mikey clearing his throat, causing your eyes to snap back up to his, all the emotions he didn’t know how to translate into words swirling in his brown eyes, a small smile resting on his lips.

“Mikey-,” Before you could get another word out you were once again trapped in his comforting embrace, this hug conveying something completely different from the earlier one you shared. Mikey’s head tucked into your neck as you felt his uneasy breathing through your hands clutched around him. Mikey wasn’t the type to get emotional in front of other people, and feeling a tear of his smear against your cheek as he raised his head from your neck and settled his bearded cheek against yours, you weren’t sure if you had done the right thing by giving him the gift or not.

The two of you stood in silence as you allowed Mikey his moment, not wanting to make him feel insecure about you being present while he was being emotional. When he finally pulled away you could see the leftover sheen in his eyes. He tucked the framed certificate under his arm as both his hands reached up to grab your face in both of his hands, eyes finding yours, a whispered “thank you, baby,” leaving his lips as he placed a kiss on your forehead before he grabbed the frame again and wrapped you in another hug.

His head rested atop yours as your face rested against his chest, ear pressed against his beating heart. You lied, you thought the last hug was different, but no it was this hug that was different, while the second hug you shared in the span of 20 minutes was a hug of love and gratitude. This hug felt heavier, like there were things Mikey wanted to tell you but couldn’t, things he only felt he could convey through a hug, things you weren’t sure if you wanted to question or not.

It had been almost 20 minutes since Michael had escaped the house to do whatever the fuck it was he was doing outside. Carmy didn’t know and in all honesty he didn’t actually give a shit either, too busy helping Donna out in the kitchen to try to give any thoughts to whatever had grabbed Mikey’s attention.

He was focused in the corner of the kitchen making Tiff Sprite to help alleviate her nausea symptoms. Anyone else would have done their best to block out the rambunctious noises going on throughout the house, not Carmy though, the chaos fueled him, it grounded him. If the house was quiet it would have been too much for him, to be alone with his own thoughts ping-ponging around in his head, waiting for a chance to drown him. So if he had to listen to his mom list a plethora of things he needed to make sure happened for Christmas dinner to go off without a hitch while he was making Sprite from scratch, he welcomed it.

He finished his concoction just in time for Richie to walk through the kitchen, the older man trying to figure out how the fuck it was even possible to make Sprite from scratch. Gratefully taking the glass Carmy had offered to him, marveling at the carbonated drink in his hand.

Carmy nodded in his direction, “Yo Cousin, where the fuck is Mikey. He just fucking disappeared.” Carmy’s head swiveled around the kitchen double checking whether his brother was there or not, coming up empty in his search. Richie glanced up before settling his eyes back on the drink in his hand still doing the mental math to wrap his head around what the fuck Carmy just made.

Richie jutted his head in the direction of the front door, “Outside talking to Baby.” His eyes finally focused on Carmy’s in time to see the frown grace the younger man’s face, his eyebrows pinching together in agitation, annoyed that his brother was on a phone call rather than inside. Though that’s what Carmy told himself subconsciously he knew he was just annoyed at the fact that Mikey was even talking to you at all. Carmy didn’t think he was possessive but as you and Mikey grew closer through the years, he couldn’t help but feel miffed about the ever growing friendship between the two of you. You and your friendship with Carmy was the first thing in his life that he felt like was actually his and his alone.

It’s funny really for Carmy to think he has any sort of claim over you, or like the two of you were even really friends anymore. When he left Chicago to pursue his culinary dreams, he left you behind to, essentially ghosting the one real friend he did have. It’s not like he meant to, you two just went your separate ways after graduation, and he wasn’t even sure if there even was an “Us” when it came to the two of you anymore. If that was the case the only person he had to blame was himself, it was no fault of yours that your friendship had hit a plateau, Carmy hadn’t responded to a text of yours in years, and the fact that you still texted him to this day caused a slight pain in his chest as he stood in the middle of his mother’s kitchen, frown still etched into his features.

“He’s outside on the phone with Baby?” Carmy questioned the ache in his chest doing nothing to alleviate his irritation. It was Richie’s turn to frown reciprocating the same confused look Camry wore.

“What - No dickhead, he’s talking to Baby, like she’s right in fucking front of him and shit.” Richie swatted the side of Carmy’s head like a child. “Your moms invites her to every holiday, Cousin, and she comes every time.” Richie knew the last bit wasn’t necessary but felt Carmy rightfully deserved it, all anyone wanted from the youngest Berzatto was a visit.

“Dudes been out there for fucking ever though, those to idiots just standing outside like a bunch of fucking jackoffs.” Richie left the kitchen not waiting for Carmy to follow him before heading to the front door. He stopped moving the curtain on one of the side windows to spot two of the people he considered family. He let out a low whistle nudging Carmy’s shoulder who had finally joined his side nodding his head to the window.

“Get a load of these fucking losers hugging on the porch like they’re in some fucking Hallmark movie or some shit.” Richie laughed pointing at you and Mikey through the window. Carmy leaned closer to get a peak at what Richie was going on about.

Carmy hated to admit it, but Richie was right, the too of you looked like the happy couple who just saved a small town’s Christmas or whatever the fuck Hallmark movies were about. Mikey had finally separated himself from you long enough for Carmy to take in your features. He’d be lying if he said the years apart made him forget what you looked like. You were still the same girl he left in Chicago all those years ago except the wand of maturity had touched you, and in his opinion he thought you looked more beautiful than you had in high school.

Carmy was never one to pay too much attention to a woman’s features, and not because he didn’t care, it's just that he didn’t think it mattered. But as he drank in your form he learned in that exact moment why a woman might want people to notice the small things. Like the haircut you were sporting that Carmy felt shaped your face well, not that he knew shit about stuff like that, but he could appreciate art when he saw it. The outfit you picked out doing wonders to compliment your tall form and accentuate your legs. Carmy could look at you all day, scratch that he wanted to look at you all day.

He was torn from his reverie as Richie narrated the scene happening in front of them, “Aw look at these fuckers lookin all in love an shit.” He joked watching as Mikey slung his arm around you and led you towards the door, what looked to be a frame held in his other hand. The two of you walked side by side, your arm wrapped around his torso, hugging him into your side, Mikey’s head leaning slightly down to whisper something in your ear a small smile gracing your face as Mikey pressed his lips onto your temple lingering there for what Carmen swore was forever.

The tightness in his chest intensified tenfold as the realization of just how close you and Mikey had become sank into him. He didn’t know how to feel, his brain not even allowing any emotions to process, saving himself from any conclusions he might come to from a split second interaction.

Carmy left, he chose his path, he knew this, and he had no regrets he would pursue his dream every time the opportunity was presented. He just wished that, maybe if he held onto you as tightly as you still held onto him, it would’ve been him greeting you on the sidewalk on Christmas Day, being the sole object of your attention holding you close to his longing body. He knew overall the decisions he made regarding you were wrong, while he ignored your daily text and calls enough times for you to just resort to monthly check ins asking him about his endeavors and congratulations as you heard about his achievements in the culinary industry, he knew deep down that Mikey answered every text and call you sent his way, made it his mission to connect with you anytime you were back in Chicago.

Carmy couldn’t admit it to himself but deep down he knew his family saw spending time with you as a way to stay connected to him. You were the closest thing any of them still had to Carmy, and even though he had essentially cut you off from his life, his family loved you too much to allow Carmy’s shortcomings to affect their relationship with you.

He was broken from the recesses of his mind as Richie threw the door open stepping over the threshold raising his hands in the air to welcome you and Mikey into the house. The glass of Sprite still clutched in his left hand, a broad smile spread across his face as you left Mikey’s hold to greet Richie eyes not having spotted Carmy who was hidden behind Richie’s small frame.

Carmy’s first up close look at you in years were your hands wrapped around Richie’s torso as he pulled you into a hug, rocking the two of you back and forth, Richie let you go quickly turning his body back into the house “A’ight fuckers you can all stop pretending you care so much about Carmy and his little rat in the chef hat bullshit. We got the real deal here now, Baby's gracing us with her journalist presence.”

Carmy’s brows furrowed at Richie’s dig only slightly offended about being compared to a fictional character named after pasta, too caught up in allowing the sound of your laugh to grace his ears for the first time in what felt like forever. Mikey had finally caught up to you standing behind you with a hand placed on your shoulder, Carmy watched as his brother’s hand glided up and down your arm before giving your bicep a slight squeeze and nodding his head in Carmy’s direction.

If Carmy was being honest it was becoming increasingly difficult to quiet his mind that was eagerly trying to piece everything together. From yours and Mikey's prolonged moment on the porch, to the kiss he placed on your temple, add in Richie’s jokes and the almost constant physical contact between you and Mikey and Carmy was sure he figured shit out.

You looked to where Mikey motioned his head finally noticing Carmy’s figure standing there while Richie ran off towards the stairs after his impromptu introduction. Looking at Carmy was like being in a Time Machine, nothing had drastically changed, he looked more exhausted than what you remembered. But overall he was the same Carmy you parted ways with all those years ago.

A small smile graced your lips as you took him in, he was still your Carmy appearance wise, and right now for you that was all that mattered. You lifted your hand in a small wave gaining his attention, your smile growing wider as your eyes locked with his.

The clearing of a throat broke you from your thoughts, Mikey’s hand giving your shoulder a squeeze as he walked you two into the house before shutting the door behind him. As he finished he stood in front of you so that Carmy was partially covered from view by each brother in your line of vision though your focus was taken up by the eldest. He gave you a reassuring smile before gently knocking his fist against your chin and presumably turning to leave you and Carmy alone.

As Mikey walked past Carmy he gave him his signature grin and a wink before patting his shoulder as left to check on Donna in the kitchen and mingle with the other guests.

Carmy’s face was still set in the same frown it had been in when he first asked Richie where Mikey ran off to. You took a deep breath to settle your nerves before taking a step to close the gap between you, your hand reached out to gently squeeze Carmy’s arm though stopping in midair as you watched him subtly flinch. Your smile faltered, your hand finding its rightful place at your side. You looked up to see the apology in Carmy’s eyes, you did your best to brush the moment off, maybe you came on too strong, maybe it wasn’t fair that you were still pushing for a friendship when Carmy had given you all the reasons to stop trying, maybe the Carmy in front of you was a different Carmy to the one you used to know. Maybe the life where it was you and Carmy had finally taken its last breath and you were just too clingy and desperate to realize.

You cleared your throat trying to alleviate the lump forming from the thoughts that were racing through your brain. The small placating smile on your face there to stop you from having a full breakdown in the Berzatto’s foyer. “Its good to see you Carmen, I hope New York is treating you well.” You lips wrapped around the generic greeting forcing yourself not to say anything you might regret.

Carmy nodded his head rapidly accepting your lackluster words, his lips parting and closing all in the same breath. The man obviously had nothing to say to you, and maybe you just had to accept that. You stayed a moment longer cursing yourself for doing so as the air between you two filled with palpable tension.

“Baby, is that you? My goodness you look fucking gorgeous.” Half of Donna’s body had popped out of the kitchen finally gaining a spare moment to greet you. Her words mumbled through the cigarette between her lips, a ladle held in her right hand while the left was occupied by tongs. Her apron covered in all sorts of sauces and whatever the hell else your brain couldn’t even begin to discern.

You laughed half in amusement and half in relief, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand there as Carmy burned holes in your body. You waved at Donna quickly, beginning to head towards her to join her in the kitchen. It wasn’t your first choice as an escape from Carmen but you’d rather try and help Donna finish preparing Christmas dinner than be around Carmy for another minute.

Donna waved the tongs in Carmy’s direction, “Jesus fucking Christ Carmen, take the girls bag and coat. Don’t just fuckin stand there.” She huffed eyes glaring the longer Carmen stayed glued to the spot. You handed him your tote as soon as his arm shot out and began hastily shimmying out of your jacket. You gave him a soft smile before laying the jacket on his awaiting arm.

You began to leave the foyer as Donna motioned for you to follow her, mentally preparing yourself for what you were about to walk into. A sudden thought occurred causing you to gently grip Carmy’s bicep as you were walking past him, “I uh, I actually bought you a Christmas present. So um, find me later yeah?” You smiled tilting your head slightly in questioning.

Carmen Berzatto graced you with a small smile, nodding back in agreement as you sent him one final nod and turned to enter the kitchen. The first positive emotion he granted you since you walked back into his life 30 minutes ago.

next chapter ↣

a/n: this is my first fic that i’m publishing and i genuinely have no clue what the fuck any of this is, : ) but nonetheless hope you all enjoy! or don’t i’m just a stranger on the internet. constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated though. please like, comment, reblog if this behemoth tickles your fancy!

also i write for fun/hobby and i'm such an inconsistent bitch so don't get your hopes too high, but this will potentially be a series idk yet though lol.

[eddiesxangel]

Wildflower Pt.2 | Rockstar!Eddie x Pop!Princess Reader

Summary: After your breakup with Eddie, you got everything you’d ever wanted. The career, the success, the fame, but something was still missing.

Cw: no use of y/n reader is referred by pet names. Eddie x Afab girly girl reader, no descriptions of reader is used other than what they are wearing (we like to keep it inclusive in this house) ANGST mentions mental health struggles, prescription medication, alcohol consumption, mentions of weight loss due to mental health issues, mentions of underage drinking, SMUT soft Dom Eddie, daddy kink? FLUFF so much you might wanna vomit lol, pregnancy 👀

WC: 22.5k lol

Read part 1 here

Rain, he wanted it comfortable I wanted that pain. He wanted a bride I was making my own name.Chasing that fame. He stayed the same. All of me changed like midnight.

As you stepped off the stage of the last show of your sold-out stadium tour, the adrenaline rush pulsed through your veins. Happy tears threatened to fall down your cheeks. You have been working your ass off these past four years. 

Four Years. 

It has been four years since your career took off and hasn’t stopped—four years since your single went number one for thirty-six weeks straight on Billboard 100. Four years since you last saw Eddie. The way you'd left things haunts you to this day.

The first year after the breakup was the hardest. You were nothing but a shell of yourself; you put on a front with everyone. If you let yourself think about Eddie, you wouldn’t have been able to climb out of the hole you had dug yourself out of. You couldn’t muster up the motivation to do anything for yourself when alone. You worked and went home to sleep, wake up and repeat, like a machine. 

You stopped going to events you didn’t need to be at. You punish yourself by not allowing yourself to have any fun. You felt like you didn’t deserve it.

You had lost a lot of weight that year, unable to keep anything down. Your body was in severe malnutrition, and your doctor was worried. You were prescribed some medication to help stabilize your moods. You blamed it on stress, that the job was the problem, brushing it off like you would get over it eventually, or at least that is what you told yourself. That was your life the year you and Eddie broke up.

Eventually, as the years went on, you found better ways to cope with the loss of Eddie and Violet Rose in your life. Slowly, you started dating again about a year later, but everything was different from what you experienced with Eddie. You didn’t have that spark you felt with Eddie. But was that real? Or was it all built up? 

Seeing Eddie back in the limelight as a single man broke your heart, and seeing him taking out different girls was so painful it made you physically sick. You first saw him out with another woman only two months after you ended things… Did he even really love you? You'd convinced yourself that Eddie must have been caught up with everything that he only thought he was in love with you? And now that you were out of the picture, he realized that it was just lust, nothing more... because how did it only take two months until he was out with another woman? 

The hardest part about this was avoiding him at all the award shows and parties. Your worlds were intertwined, your label was the same, your career had taken off after the breakup, and you were invited to more Hollywood events. It was difficult when you knew he was in the room with you, especially with another girl by his side.

You were still so desperately in love with him after all this time…

It was never the same girl; he was back to his old ways, sleeping around with anyone who got the chance. But luckily, you never ran into him because the second you got word he was there, you were gone, making your last memory of him when he walked out of the door in Italy. You had shattered his heart. Broke it into a million pieces, or so you thought. He told you he was in love with you, and you couldn’t say it back. Year after year, things started to get easier; once the tabloids got bored about the breakup and Eddie was seen with different women, the focus was no longer on you. You had thrown yourself into your songs.

Your songs became #1 hits less than a week after each release. You had been that good, a bit too good. Your work was the only thing you let yourself focus on. Everything had to be great, or all of this would have been for nothing. The more writing you did, the more focused you were on your music and the less time you had to think about Eddie. That was the whole point of the breakup, right? Because you used Eddie only to help your career… 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

Life for Eddie Munson over the past four years had been the worst of his entire life, and he once had been addicted to coke. He did not expect his early forties would be so���depressing. When you had ended things with him, he never felt that kind of earth-shattering heartbreak before, not when his second try at passing his senior year didn’t pan out, not when Sarafina left him alone with their baby, and not when his parents abandoned him. 

He was too stubborn to grovel; you had told him that you clearly were just doing this for yourself. He had let his emotions get in the way; it was all his fault. He saw that now. He knew that you loved him back, but he was scorned. He wouldn’t be the one to reach out. The story was out; nothing more could be done. He didn’t have the heart to give up the ring he had bought for you. Night after night, Eddie would sit up and stare at it. He hugged your pillow because your scent lingered in the room until one day, it was gone. 

One morning, a few weeks after the breakup, Eddie was awakened to the sweet smell of vanilla and cinnamon wafting through the house; for a split second, he thought you had returned to him. He ran downstairs looking for you, but reality hit like a brick when he followed the scent to the kitchen to see Vi had ordered Cinnabon to the house. She offered him his share, thinking it would cheer him up, but it had only made Eddie nauseous. He could no longer stomach the sweet smell that reminded him of you.

Longing for you to be by his side, he cried night after night, hating himself for feeling so pathetic and unwanted. That’s how his whole life was; he should have known better. His parents didn’t want him, and the mother of his child didn’t want him, so what would make you any different? 

Your breakup not only affected Eddie’s life but also Violet Rose’s. Scorned by how you never even said goodbye, she was hurt. She begged Eddie to let her talk to you, but Eddie refused to speak your name. Your music no longer brought her joy; only waves of sadness washed over her when she heard you on the radio. She couldn’t escape; you haunted her just as much as you haunted Eddie. 

Violet Rose felt the change in her father when he got back from his vacation in Italy. She was so excited to see him; she missed the both of you profoundly, but when she greeted her dad when he returned, she could sense something was off. When she went to let off her hug, and he didn't, she knew. She could feel how tense he was, how tightly he held onto her. The way he almost let a tear slip and the sniffle he made in her ear gave it away. He hadn't reacted like this when he was away from her for months on tour the year prior. When he finally let go of her, she needn't ask. She knew his eyes were bloodshot and swollen; he wasn't bubbly and didn't hum anymore. She knew her father's heart wasn't the same. 

The older Vi got, the more she resented her father for not ever letting her know who her birth mother was. On top of that, she wasn’t allowed to talk about you. She didn’t understand why because Eddie never explained what happened. All she knew was that before he left for Italy, he had asked her if it would be okay if you were to be in their lives permanently. He showed her the pink diamond ring. The ring that to this day still sits in Eddie’s bedside table drawer. She had found it a few weeks back while trying to find the weed she knew her dad had hidden somewhere when he caught her smoking by the pool. 

That was the last straw for Violet Rose. Violet Rose no longer cared about consequences after seeing the reminder of why their lives had changed so dramatically. You didn’t, so why should she? You made her think that you never cared. How could you be so cruel to just leave her? You were going to be her Mom. She had believed that she was finally going to get a mother; the one thing she craved the most her whole life was ripped out from under her. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

Tonight was the night of a new club opening, and Roger ensured you were on the VIP list, not that it took much convincing for you to go. You wanted to get dolled up and have some fun with your girlfriends. You pre-gamed and got ready at your best friend Serena's house tonight. 

Over the last few months, you've been feeling much better, finally getting out of the house for more than just work. You started seeing your friends more than twice a year, attending dinners and events with them. You were also being weaned off of your medication because your Dr. decided that your mind and body were going back to your old self, and you insisted you were feeling better.

"Tonight we are finding you a man!” you announced as you blended the pink blusher onto your cheek. 

"Me? How about you, Ms. Chronically single?" she laughed, sipping her drink that smelled like gasoline. All you could do was roll your eyes. It had become easier thinking about Eddie, but it was still a sore subject you didn't speak of much.

"Oh, don't be like that; it was a million years ago," she giggled. The alcohol Serena was downing played a part in being so bold to bring it up. She had met you two years after the breakup; she didn’t know the whole story but knew it was terrible. Nobody knew the story but your parents and Eddie.

“Fine, tonight I will be reckless and throw all caution to the wind." You took a shot of tequila. The burn was quickly chased by the taste of lime. A loud cheer came from your best friend and twirled you around her bedroom. Laughing, you told her you needed her help picking out an outfit. You both decided on the strappy open-back hot pink silk minidress that made you feel like ten million bucks and your hot pink Louis Vuitton heels that matched the exact colour of the dress. Fitting for a Club named The Red Bottom’s. 

Tonight, you felt like you needed to celebrate, wondering what you were celebrating, maybe because you made it out alive? Becoming yourself again? All the hard work you've put in the past four years? You didn't know... what you did know was tonight you were having fun. 

Walking into the dimly lit club named The Red Bottom’s you could feel the beat of the music pulse through your veins as you watched the different colours light up the dance floor. It was packed already, and it was only midnight. You grabbed your friend's hand and dragged her to the bar. Ordering your shots, you pull out your wallet, but the bartender stops you. "Already covered" He nodded his head over to the other end of the bar, and you both made eye contact with two guys. 

From what you could tell, they were about your age, tall, fit, typical Hollywood, and so not your type. Serena grabbed your hand and pulled you over. You checked your phone to see where the rest of your group was, and they told you they had a booth on the left side of the club. 

"Thanks for the drinks." Serena batted her eyes and smiled as you stood by. They introduced themselves; their names were Patrick and Ray. The more you stood with them, the more antsy you got about wanting to get with the rest of the group. 

"Love the new song, by the way." Your head snaps up from your phone, and you give the guy talking a small smile. "Thanks." Great, just another try-hard trying to get into your pants. Trying hard not to roll your eyes, you look to Serena and let her know you're joining the rest of the group. 

Finally breaking through the sea of people on the dance floor, you made your way to the booth tucked away in the back corner. A slew of cheers filled your ears as you approached your friends. 

Serena returned to the booth five minutes later with the two guys on her tail. 

"You promised me," She whispered, climbing up to you. 

"I did promise you, but I didn't promise it would be with one of these two.” You nodded your head in the men’s direction. Serena gave you an annoyed huff. 

"Ok, look, you know that none of them are even my type; you have all the fun you want! Hell, take them both.” You giggled. “I will still be scouting." With that, she laughed and told you to go have a fun time. As you settled with your drink, she went to the dance floor. 

You didn't take long to rejoin Serena for a dance after you finished your cocktail. Scouting the crowd for a man didn’t take much either; being who you are and being in the hottest new club, it didn’t take long for you to find a guy. Your newfound confidence radiated from you, and you spotted him across the room. The epitome of tall, dark and handsome. If you were to look it up in the dictionary, this man’s picture would be there. His rugged, rough edges had you hooked the moment your eyes met. Biting your lip, you wiggled your finger to get him to come to you. It had been so long since you last danced with someone like this. You were excited, and it felt good. This man towered over you, feeling his body swallow you, and he ground his hips against yours. Serena gave you a wink of approval; all she wanted was for you to have fun and let go. 

It felt like you had been dancing for hours. You needed a break and another drink, so you returned to the booth. As you try to make your way back, not looking like baby Bambi holding on to a tall, dark, and handsome man, you discover his name is Maddox; you accidentally bump into someone. 

"Oh my god, I am so sorry!'" You turn to apologize. 

“Watch where you are going, Bitch” she slurred over the music. 

“Excuse you?” You turn to get a good look at who it is, and you feel your heart in your throat.  You look like you have seen a ghost as all the blood from your face drains. You drop Maddox’s hand and bring it up to your mouth. There she was. Four years since she saw you last. However, you would know that face from anywhere. 

Violet Rose was staring at you. Dumbfounded. Her big brown doe eyes go wide, still precisely like her father’s, at the realization of who you are, and then her face drops into more of a scowl. Looking confused, the much older man standing beside her wraps his arm around her protectively. 

You instinctively grab her hand to pull her away. “Hey, get your hands off of her,” The guy yells over the loud bass. He is definitely your age or older.

“I’ll let you know she is sixteen,” you scowl. The guy's hand shoots up off of Violet, and he practically runs away from the both of you.

“How dare you! How could you do this to us?!” She screamed, finally breaking. 

“I’m trying to protect you!” It was so hard to yell over the music.

“Not him!” She flails her arms in the creep's direction. “To me and Dad!” 

She was causing a scene, and you didn’t know what to do; your emotions took over, and you wrapped your arms around the little girl your heart yearned for. 

“I am so sorry, baby. Please forgive me?” You broke, you missed her and her father so much. Even though you weren’t her mother, you were the closest thing she had for a little while. You’re not sure how long you’re hugging her, crying, in the middle of a nightclub when the reality of where you were clicked in.

"What the hell are you even doing in here?! We are leaving!” You were furious; how on earth was she let into a club? When the fuck did she grow up to become a woman? And how was she allowed to leave the house dressed like this? You didn’t even own stilettos that high.

Violet Rose felt all the blood drain from her face. She was in so much trouble. 

“Your father know where you are?” You arched your brows at her.

“Poppy, look, don’t tell my Dad! Please? I’ll go home right now, I swear,” She begged. 

“Absolutely not, get.” You pointed towards the exit and called Tony to bring your car to the front. You didn’t even say goodbye to Serena or Tall, dark and handsome; you just beelined the both of you to the door.  

You stop by the club promoter and bouncers outside as you exit the club. “I don’t know what kind of place you think you are running, but letting in a sixteen-year-old?!” You yell, drawing attention to yourself. Even though it was two in the morning, there were still paps all around, trying to catch a glimpse of the stars entering and exiting The Red Bottoms. The flashing lights were blinding, but you couldn't care less at this moment.

“I'm going to sue this place! I should call the cops for letting in minors! Better yet, I’ll tell her father! Do you know who her father is? Eddie Munson, that’s who!” You shoved your pointer finger into the chest of the club promoter and looked at you blankly.

When you turned, you saw Violet Rose standing there, embarrassed at the commotion you had just made. She looked so small as you walked back over to her; even though she had grown into a beautiful young woman, she was starting to look like her mother. The mother she never got a chance to get to know. You wondered if she knows now that she is older? 

“Get in the car.” You point at your pink G Wagon. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disappoint you.” She hugs her arms around herself.

“Nice try, in.” You were not falling for this act; you had been sixteen once, too. 

“What about your guy?” She asked, deflecting. 

“What guy?” You totally forgot about Tall Dark and Handsome. 

“You were with a guy when I bumped into you and-”

“And called me a bitch?” You finished her sentence. “I don’t know. I met him half an hour ago.” You brushed it off.

“Oh, so you’re not with anyone?” You saw a hint of sparkle in her eye. 

“Violet Rose get. in. the. car.” You are not having this conversation with her right now surrounded by paps.

“Fine.” Violet Rose got into the car. A small part of her was happy to see you again; she just wished they were in different circumstances. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

Eddie jolted awake in a cold sweat; his heart sank as he glanced at the clock that read 2:47 a.m. He knew something was wrong as he jumped out of bed, not bothering to put on pants, running out of his room in only his underwear and rushed to Violet Roses's room. He opened the door to see that her window was open and she wasn’t there. 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit” He had a guttural instinct that VR wasn’t here, but he had to check everywhere. 

He first checked her bathroom to see if she had gotten up. She begged him to stay home with her tonight because she was sick. He was supposed to attend a club opening tonight, but how could he leave his Cupcake? Especially when she gave him the puppy dog eyes? They may not have been getting along recently, but he still was the biggest pushover when it came to her. 

They had a good night, other than the fact that she was sick; it was like old times. They curled up on the couch and watched movies; he made her soup, and they enjoyed one another’s company. Something that hasn’t happened in a long time. It made Eddie realize that it was too long; he had been moping around for too long and needed to change, or he would lose VR forever. 

Eddie frantically ran to every other room of the house, calling out her name when he didn’t find her in the bathroom. He was shaking with panic. 

Eddie went back to his bedroom to check his phone to see if he missed any calls or texts, but not one was from Violet Rose or about her. Where the fuck was she? As he calls her phone repeatedly, he runs outside to see if she is out there. Ring after ring, the phone goes to voicemail. He had reached the end of the driveway behind the gate that was still closed. His heart skipped a beat when he saw two headlights of a bubblegum pink G Wagon pulling up to the gates of his estate. He instinctively knows that gaudy thing has to belong to you.

With a deep breath, Eddie opened the gate. The driver slowly pulled up and got out to open the door. Violet Rose is the first to step out and Eddie feels like he can breathe again. She is home, and she is safe. He releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding, but all that relief washes away the second he sees you step out of the car behind her. 

He can feel the anxiety shooting through his arms to the tips of his fingers. He doesn’t understand what is happening. Was Violet Rose hanging out with you behind his back? Was she trying to get back at him? Why would his baby be with you? And why was his baby dressed like that?! 

“Start talking” is all Eddie manages to get out through his teeth. His hands balled up into fists, trying to regulate his breathing. 

You open your mouth to start to explain what happened, but the sight of Eddie standing there in his boxers, chest heaving, you get too overwhelmed at the sight. There is no denying that your attraction to Eddie is still there. You had been mesmerized by the way he looked; his crow's feet were a bit more defined, he was accepting his silver hairs coming in, his skin was pebbled with goosebumps as it was early spring in the middle of the night, and he was practically naked. He was still just as fit, maybe even more so, fuck he made 44 look good. So you stand there with your mouth agape, gawking at him like a moron, until Violet Rose cuts in.

“Hi, Daddy,” it had come out so meek.

“Don’t hi, Daddy. WHERE WERE YOU?” he belted. His face was beat red. You had never seen or heard Eddie so mad, not even on that dreaded day. 

“I found her at the Red Bottom's,” You cut in, giving some slack for Violet Rose. 

“The Red Bottom's? THE RED BOTTOM'S!” It hits him: the new club downtown that he was supposed to attend tonight for the grand opening but didn’t attend because Vi was “sick” and needed to take care of her.

“Inside now.” He was seething, pointing towards the house. Things did not look good for VR. You took that as your cue to leave as you saw her sulk off to the house with her head down. Turning back to the car, you think to yourself this was it. This was your only chance to see him again, and you stood there like a brainless zombie, just ogling him.

“I didn’t dismiss you.” You stop mid-stride and turn slowly as his deep voice filters through your ears. 

“Excuse me?” You question, slowly turning back around.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Eddie was still seething.

“What am I doing?” You countered back.

“Violet Rose is sneaking off to be with you behind my back! How long has this been going on!?” He accused. 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Eddie?” Hearing his name leave your lips was like a gut punch.

“This is all your fault!” He accused again.

“Oh, this is my fault?! How is this my fault? You’re lucky I spotted her and dragged her ass home! You don’t even want to know who she was with when I found her! You’re lucky I did because if I hadn’t, she would still be there doing god knows what with who knows what!” You got in his face. How dare he accuse you of bringing harm to her! You love that kid more than life like she is your own. 

“You know what?!” He counters back.

“What?!” You yell.

What Eddie did next was something so unexpected that it caught you off guard.

“Thank you.” He pulled you into a bear hug. “I was so scared; I didn’t know where she was.” He confessed in a whisper because you were right. Who knows what could have happened to his baby? He was so distraught and mad about the past, but you put his family first after all these years. 

“Eddie, I am so sorry. For everything.” You whisper, finally reciprocating the hug by latching your arms around him. He still smelled the same; it brought comfort, wrapped around you like a warm blanket, and you never wanted to leave.

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” He shook his head, releasing you. In his fit of rage, he didn’t get to take you in. Fuck. You were more beautiful to him than memories served. 

“No, Eddie. I mean for everything.” You looked down, ashamed that you let things go this far. 

“Oh. I am sorry, too.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. 

“I uh, fuck - I’ll always love you, and uh and Violet. You know that? Right?” You look up at him with glassy eyes, tears threatening to break free. The words he prayed to hear for the past four years finally left your lips. He didn’t know what to think or say. “And I still- shit. I’m sorry you don’t want me- I’m going to go.” You turn, but Eddie catches your forearm to pull you back into him. 

“I let you leave once; don’t for a second think that I am going to let you go again.” 

Not giving it a second thought, Eddie crashed his lips into yours, and everything fell back into place at that moment. The missing puzzle piece had been found and restored back into its space.

“Angel, I am still so in love with you; you’re my entire world. Always have been. Always will be.” He mumbled against your mouth. Eddie could no longer be mad at you; he would not waste another moment on being angry and sad. The last few years of his life were full of it, and he was ready to let that all go because here you are, telling him you love him.

“I’m so sorry, Baby.” You let your tears finally slip past your lashes. 

The closure you had been craving was no longer gnawing at your mind. Eddie loves you and never has stopped long you. You had wasted so much time being sad and lonely. But could it really just be that easy? He would accept you back just like that? So much time has passed, and you are not the same people from four years ago. 

“So what now?” You asked, pulling back. 

“You’re mine.” Eddie pulled you back in to kiss you; he had so much lost time to make up for.

“Eddie, I- what about everything? Do you even trust me? I wouldn’t trust me…” You looked down as the feeling of shame washed over you. You were so stupid for letting him go. 

“Angel, look at me.” He hooked a finger under your chin. No one has called you that name since you left Eddie. Hearing it made your stomach erupt with butterflies. “We will have to work on things, but I am not ever letting you go. I won’t survive if I have to lose you again. Understood?” 

“Yes, Sir.” Your eyes widen as the words slip past your lips. It was instinct to address him that way.

“That's my good girl” He gave a cocky smirk and leaned in to kiss you. He couldn’t get enough; his lifeline had been restored. All of the sadness within him was being plucked away with each brush of your lips.

Sure, you and Eddie had a lot to work on, but Eddie didn’t care.  He had his girl back, his Angel. Things wouldn’t return to normal immediately; he knew that… you knew that. Eddie thought about how he would have to cancel the “date” he had set up for tomorrow as you gave him a last kiss goodbye. Watching you get back into the car was hard, but then he remembered that he had to deal with VR. What the fuck was this night turning into? 

“Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about you.” Eddie walked back into the house to see Violet Rose sitting on the staircase.

“Daddy, do you think?” She was hopeful that what she saw through the window could lead to something more. Something that could bring her family back together. 

“Don’t change the subject.” His head was spinning; he didn’t need to discuss his love life with his sixteen-year-old right after she had snuck out of the house. 

“No phone, no TV, no internet, no going out. You go to school, and you come home. That is final.” 

“What?! That’s so unfair. For how long?!” She cried. 

“Until I say so. Phone, now.” He held out his hand, and she reluctantly placed it on his palm. 

“Don’t you dare ever scare me like that again?! Got it! Now apologize.” He commanded.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, but I’m not sorry for sneaking out tonight.” She smirked.

“Excuse you?” Eddie was shocked.

“If I hadn’t gone out tonight, she wouldn’t have brought me home, and you wouldn’t have that stupid smile on your face.” 

“What stupid smile?” Eddie scowled just to prove a point. 

“Nice try, old man, can’t fool me; I saw you walking up the driveway.” Violet Rose laughed as she made her way up the stairs. Maybe her punishment wouldn’t be so bad if her dad was finally happy again. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

The next day, you had been flooded with missed calls from Roger, and the press had a feel day with your little outburst, all of it being caught on TMZ, of course. 

“Sweetheart, what did you do?” You could no longer avoid the sixth call from him. 

“Look, Rog, I had a lot of alcohol, and Violet Rose was there; she is only sixteen. What was I supposed to do?-” 

“Nothing,” Roger cut in.

“Absolutely not. I have morals, Roger.” You could just picture how he was sitting at his desk, pinching his brows because you knew you were giving him a headache. 

“Look, everyone is going to be poking around, thinking you and Munson are back together. Now I know that contract has ended an-” 

“We are back together,” you cut him off. There was a few seconds of silence because he needed to process what you had just said.

“What?” He asked. 

“I said Eddie and I are back together. For real, no contracts, no bullshit.” You couldn’t get the stupid grin off of your face if you had tried. 

“Oh, well, um, wow, this is unexpected; I’m so happy for you!"  

“Really?” Your voice went up an octave.

“Of course, sweetheart, this is excellent news; I have been worried about you; something in you changed, and you tried to cover it up, but I know you… and also will bring up more publicity. Everyone loves it when couples get back together! Look at J-Lo and Affleck; no one could stop talking about them for weeks!” 

“Well, I guess this whole nightclub thing will blow over?” You wince, biting your thumb.

“Should be fine; when are you announcing your relationship? How long has it been?” Roger questioned.

“Oh, um, well, it just happened last night, so let's give it a few weeks and see how things play out…” fuck, this was not supposed to be another publicity stunt. 

“Understandable. I’ll contact you in a few days to see what’s happening, OK? Kisses” 

“Bye Rog” You hung up the phone to see Eddie was calling you.

Eddie asked you to meet up with him today and go on a walk to clear up things. You felt an overwhelming sense of being home when he opened his door. He was still in the same house, and it looked like only a little visually had changed over the years. 

Eddie greeted you with a hug and a kiss that lingered for a while. The familiarity of his lips on yours gave you an overwhelming sense of comfort. He made you feel at home. 

Eddie took your hand and closed the door behind him, ready to go. 

You just walked through the neighbourhood, having it be a gated community; no one would bother the two of you. 

“I can’t believe this is happening.” You laugh, shaking your head.

“Same, but I’m happy that it is.” Eddie brought your hand up to his mouth to kiss the back of your hand.

“I don’t really know where to begin…” you trailed off, looking out at the California skyline. 

“Let’s start off with how have you been?” Eddie genuinely asked.

“Honestly, I’ve been doing much better than I had been over the last few years. I was in an awful place after it all happened. I wanted to talk with you badly but knew you hated me.” You looked down at your shoes, still ashamed about how you left things. 

“I could never hate you, Angel. I was stubborn and so hard-headed that I refused to grovel. But I regret every day that passed that I didn’t try to get you back.” Eddie admitted.

“Really?” You look at him with shock. You had convinced yourself that Eddie was never in love with you that the thought of him being heartbroken escaped your mind. 

“Of course, Angel. Don’t you remember where I was taking you when… uh-”

“When I ran away…. Yeah, I remember. But I convinced myself that it was just... I don't know? lust…” 

“Hmmm,” that caught Eddie off guard. What could he have done to make you think he wasn’t being raw and honest with you? 

Eddie debated whether he should tell you about the ring as you walked in uncomfortable silence. He decided against it; he felt it wouldn’t be right. 

“I never asked how you have been?” You look to Eddie as he is lost in thought. 

“Bad. No sense in lying to you. I’m sure Vi will tell you eventually.” He sighed. 

Your heart dropped at his confession. He seemed to be doing well. He was the hottest bachelor at the moment. 

“I feel like a broken record, but I’m truly sorry, Eddie. I was such a mess after everything, and I thought you hated me, so I couldn’t talk to you, and it got so bad I couldn’t get out of bed. My doctor put me on meds because I literally didn’t want to do anything, and I missed you and Violet Rose so bad! I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Not to make this about me, but I just wanted to let you know my decision was wrong, and I hated myself daily. And I will try my best to make it up to both of you. I promise I’ll never leave you like that ever again…. That's if you’ll have me.” 

“Your doctor put you on medication?” He looked at you with concern. 

“Ugh, yeah. I’m slowly coming off of them now; it’s been about two months. I’m feeling a lot better.” You admit

“Jesus Angel. You should have told me! I would have done anything for you, you know that, right?” He said as he pulled you into a hug. 

“I do now,” you whisper. 

“And I’m sorry as well. I should have never yelled at you like that. I felt awful the second I left you standing there alone in that big empty house… I sold it, by the way… I couldn’t go back. The memories were too… sour.” He looked down to his chest. 

“Well, I can’t stomach Italian food anymore… makes me sick even thinking about it.” You admit with a  shudder, trying to lighten the mood.

“And I can’t eat Cinnamon Rolls anymore because of you,” he admits. 

You look at him quizzically.

“Reminded me too much of your perfume… it uh… made me sick whenever I smelled vanilla and cinnamon.” He shrugged

You looked at him with such sorrow. The both of you were so fucked up by what happened. How could you ever work through this? There was so much hurt to overcome.

“Enough about the past. We are on the same page. We have years to make up for.” Eddie brought your lips to him for a gentle kiss. You wanted so badly to deepen the kiss, but you were in the middle of the suburbs, and any stay-at-home mom desperate for gossip could clock the two of you in a second.

Eddie pulled away, and you made your way back to his place. Once you arrived, Eddie invited you inside. 

“So where is the little criminal?” You asked, entering the living room. Memories flood back to when you would have sleepovers and make forts and Disney movie marathons. 

“Present.” She came waltzing through from the kitchen. 

“Hi Vi,” you walk over to her to embrace her in a hug. It shouldn’t have surprised you when she didn’t hug you back. 

“I’m so sorry for how I left things, but I don’t know how much your dad told you?” You look to Eddie and see him shake his head no. “I, uh, I think you are old enough to know some details?” You and Eddie discussed on your way back home that VR also had to be on board for this to work. She had to know the truth. 

“Come sit, Cupcake.” Eddie patted the couch cushion next to him.

You and Eddie then explained how, at first, the entire thing was a sham, but you ended up falling for one another in the end, but things had to break off because of the contract. 

“You’re joking?” That was Violet Rose’s first response. 

“Unfortunately not,” You speak up. 

“That is the most fucked up and stupid thing I think I’ve ever heard.” she rolled her eyes.

“Hey, language. Don’t make me extend your punishment.” Eddie pointed to her.

“I’m sorry, but you’re telling me I am supposed to believe you two broke up because of a piece of paper?” She stares dumbfounded.

“Well, yeah, that’s what happened…” Eddie shifted his gaze to you. 

“And you didn’t think to... I don't know? SNEAK AROUND?!” She flailed her arms in the air.

“Uh… no, actually, that never crossed my mind.” Eddie looked at you, and you shrugged.

“You don’t get it. Cupcake things were not that black and white; it was complicated.” 

“Whatever, can I go to my room now?” She rolled her eyes. 

“Fine, go.” Eddie sighed. 

“Don't worry, she will come around eventually. She was excited last night and started questioning if we would be back together.” Eddie smirked. 

That made you feel better; you would hate for Violet Rose not to see you in the same light as before. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

A month passed, and yours and Eddie’s schedules conflicted. You were recording your new album, and Eddie was busy with the band. Nothing had been coordinated until today, your first official date, and you told Eddie you were planning the whole thing because it was the least you could do for him. 

You drove to Eddie’s house mid-afternoon to pick him up. 

“Absolutely not.” As you pulled up in your baby pink vintage convertible Cadillac, he shook his head. Eddie Munson may be a sim, however, he still has an image to keep up with. He would not be seen being chauffeured in a pink car, especially by his woman. He was old school, and he would be the one driving them.

“What do you mean?” You pout. God, he was such a sucker for that face you pull, but he would stand his ground. 

“I’m driving,” Eddie stated plainly. 

“But I’m the one treating you.” You state. 

“Don’t care. Not going in that gaudy thing.” He crossed his arms. 

You roll your eyes as you unwillingly step out of the car. 

“Don’t think I didn’t see that.” His tone was serious, but his eyes said otherwise as he took your hand and kissed the top of it. 

“Hi, Princess.” He smiled 

“Hi, Baby.” Everything felt right again like nothing had changed. 

“Just tell me where we are going.” Eddie walked around to the passenger side to open the door for you. You ignored his request as you got into his black Bentley Continental. You punched the address into the GPS and were on your way.  

“Le Labo?” Eddie questions when you arrive at the destination. 

“It’s a custom perfumery. Since you said you can’t stomach mine anymore, I called and made an appointment to make one for each other?” You bite your nails in anticipation. Did he hate the idea? Was it too boring? 

“This is not what I was expecting at all, Angel, but this is really cool.” he pulled you into his side as you walked into the building. 

After smelling all the smells and finally deciding on a concoction for one another, your perfumes were complete, and you could take them home. For Eddie’s, you choose notes of nutmeg, white musk, and jasmine. You named his Dungeon Master. Eddie picked a more floral scent for yours with notes of tuberose, jasmine, and tonka bean and called it Angel Wings. He made you wear it as soon as you stepped out of the perfumery.  

The next stop for your date was your house. Eddie had never been to your home. You managed to buy one two years ago and were able to sell your condo. You were happy to have a new space, one with happy memories. 

You managed to snag a bungalow in Bel-Air for just under five million. It needed some updating, so you’ve been slowly making renovations. It was almost done to your liking; you just had to finish up the guest bathroom, and then it would be perfect. 

The whole house was very you. In the kitchen was your favourite part of the home. The cabinets and countertops were white, and the backsplash, appliances, and cookware were all pink. The house was an open concept, which you loved; it was very light and airy with little clutter, but it looked homey. It's very much the exact opposite of Eddie’s interior decor. There were floor-to-ceiling windows all over that let in a lot of natural light. You had a massive sectional in the living room that you often fell asleep on because it was that comfortable. Your favourite part of the house was the living room that opened into the back patio, which led into the pool. Your garden was lush and complete; a giant hedge that acted as a privacy wall surrounded the yard so no one could see in. It was your own little piece of paradise. 

“I didn't know you moved?” Eddie asked, pulling into your driveway. 

“How could you’ve?” Even though the two of you had made up, the wounds were still fresh. You didn’t mean anything by your comment, but you sensed it irked Eddie. 

“I’m sorry-

“Angel, if you apologize one more time,” he gives you a look of warning before stepping out of the car and running over to your side.

 Some things never change. 

“So what is next on the schedule?” Eddie asked as he followed you into your home. 

“Thought I could cook you dinner.” You smile as you lead the both of you into the kitchen. 

You hear Eddie chuckle behind you.

“What?” You turn, arms crossed, to see him examining your space.

“I expected nothing less from you.” He chuckled as he pulled you into him by the waist. 

Eddie leaned down to kiss you. This was the first kiss you shared since reuniting almost four weeks ago. You lean into it as you uncross your arms to wrap them around the back of his neck. The kiss was tentative at first, nothing but a small peck. Eddie tested the waters as he slowly leaned into you, but you needed more. You pressed into Eddie, raising your tiptoes to press yourself fully into him. He got the hint as his strong hands slipped from your jaw and cascaded down past your waist to grip your ass. A moan slipped from your lips as he massaged his hands into you. 

“Fuck, I missed your noises,” Eddie spoke into your mouth. 

“Mmhmm” you hummed.

“I need you, Angel.” Eddie rubbed his hardening length into your lower abdomen.

“What about dinner?” You pant into his open mouth.

“I’ve waited long enough for you; dinner can wait.” Eddie pushed you back into the kitchen counter, and you took no time tugging at the bottom of his shirt, frantically lifting it over his head. You latch your mouth where his neck meets his collar, nipping and biting until you’ve marked your territory. Eddie whimpered as your hand grazed over the tent his hardened bulge created. Never had Eddie whined like this just from your touch. Eddie froze, unsure what was happening; his body had never reacted this way with anyone. 

“Baby, you ok?” You whispered into his ear as your hand moulded around the thick shaft. There was a shift in the air; Eddie was at your mercy. He didn’t even correct you when you didn’t call him Sir. He nodded and swallowed hard. His heart was racing, his muscular chest was heaving up and down as you delicately traced your hands up to the button of his black trousers. 

“Fuck baby, don’t tease me. I-I-” he shakes his head in a daze.

“Shhhhh, it’s okay, baby, I’ll take care of you.” It’s the least you could do for him. You slide down to your knees, cadged between the kitchen cabinets and your boyfriend. You unzip his pants, and he shimmies out of them as fast as he can. Your mouth waters as Eddie's naked frame towers over you. His thick thighs flex as you run the tips of your long red nails over his flesh. You can see the defined muscle of his legs tighten as you get closer to the apex. 

“Tell me what you want baby.” You graze your glossy lips over the underbelly of his shaft up to the silver ball of his piercing that you craved when you were all alone in the middle of the night. 

“You,” he whispers as he cups your cheek with his right hand. 

“What part of me do you want, Eddie?” You look up at him with eyes glazed with lust. 

It’s been so long that you remember the first time you were on your knees for him. The thrill of the memory brings butterflies to your stomach. 

“All of you.” Eddie pants.

“Uh-uh, naughty boy. Don’t get greedy,” you smirk as you slowly run your hand up and down his shaft.

“Your mouth, Angel. Gimme your mouth. Please.” The anticipation broke when your mouth engulfed his long thick cock into your mouth, wholly. 

You tried your best to fit as much of him as you could. Did he get bigger over the past four years? No? That’s not possible? But you felt so full that you're memory failed you as you tried to get him all down your throat. You came back up in a gasp of air. A string of saliva connected your lips to his tip. You stroked your hand up and down the long shaft. Memorizing each vein as you did. You went back down, and that whimper came back. 

Oh, the lovely little whine coming from Edie’s mouth was making your pussy flutter. You were starting to understand why he loved your moans and whimpers. Hearing them only made your arousal pool in your panties. 

“Please, baby, I need you. I need you so bad.” Having Eddie begging for you was also a new experience that unlocked something in your brain. In all aspects of the term, this larger-than-life man at your mercy was turning you on in ways you never thought possible. You didn’t let up; you worked your tongue around his tip, then slid him back down your throat again. 

“FUCK angel, please I don’t think I can last long. I need to fuck you, baby. Please let me fuck you; let me feel that pretty little pussy.” He was begging, and you were thriving. However, the need for him to fill you was becoming greater than the feeling he was giving you when he was begging, so you let up. With a pop, you let his throbbing member out of your mouth. Eddie hiked you up off the floor and started to strip you down as fast as he could. 

“Where do you want me?” he asked as he kissed down your neck. He let a finger trail up your sticky inner thighs. 

“Don’t care,” you shake your head. 

“Bedroom?” He looks over his shoulder down the hall to where he assumes your room is. 

“No time.” You turn so you’re bent over the kitchen countertop. 

“Always so ready for me.” Eddie swiped a single digit up your wet slit. 

“Fuck me, fuck me hard,” you pleaded.

“Yes, ma’am,” you heard the smirk in his voice. 

Eddie tugged your hair as he pulled your head to the side so he could kiss you, it was sloppy and wet, so much tongue, but it didn’t matter when you felt the tip of his cock run up and down your folds. The metal ball of his ring was cool against your hot clit. Your body shivered as it brushed against you before slipping past your entrance. You pushed your body back into Eddie so he could fill you as fast as possible. 

Eddie’s grip on your hair tightened as he yanked your head back so you were arching into him. The leverage he had using your head as a vice to slam into you over and over. His other hand explored your chest, harshly gripping your breast. You’re sure his fingertips will be scorched into your skin forever.

“Fuck I missed this pussy” he growled into your ear as his hot breath cascaded over your skin. The room was full of the wet sound of Eddie pounding into you. His harsh thrusts didn’t slow as he fucked himself into you. He pulled out entirely, and you cried at the loss of him.

“Just needed to taste you.” You felt his hands spread apart your cheeks. His warm tongue replaced his cock, travelling its way from one hole to the other. A feral moan left your lungs, and before you knew it, he was back hovering over you, guiding his cock back where it belonged.

“Nobody compares to you” his praises didn't match his movement; if you hadn’t known any better, you swore he was hate fucking you right now… and maybe he was? He had years of pent-up feelings about you. 

“This is my pussy understand? It belongs to me and only me,” his grip finally left your hair as his hand slid down to your throbbing clit.

“Yes, Sir.” You cried as his fingertips made contact.

“Tell me,” he demanded.

“I’m yours, baby. I am yours,” you spoke after each thrust up into you.

“Fuck I love you so much; tell me you love me. I need to hear it.” Eddie’s thrusts hadn’t let up; you were a bit shocked by the stamina; even your legs were about to give out.

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” You chanted like a mantra. The feeling in your lower stomach was forming. Eddie kissed down the side of your neck; the butterflies were starting with each circle of his fingers, each harsh bite and nip at your neck, each thrust hitting you so deep, the spot you’d been so desperate to get to but no matter how many times you tried on your own you just couldn’t. 

“I’m cumming!” Your body trembled, your pussy clenched down so hard you knew your body would soar in a few minutes.

“Shit, I’m close. Tell me how much you want me.” He spoke through his teeth.

“Please, Sir! Fill me, I want you so bad,” you cry.

“You want this cum baby? Do you want me to pump my load into you? That it? You want me to make you mine?” Eddie growled.

“Yes!” You nod.

After only a few more thrusts, Eddie came not long after you, pumping his load into you further and further until he slipped out of you. You collapse your body onto your kitchen counter as Eddie hangs his body weight over you, caging you in. 

“Baby, you ok?” You feel Eddie wrap his arms around your middle. 

“Yeah, just need to feel you.” He mumbled into the side of your neck. You could feel the warm cum dripping down your trembling legs. The realization hit you that you didn’t use protection. Your body stiffened, and Eddie caught on, “What’s wrong, baby?” He got up so you could turn to face him. You kissed him, not wanting to ruin the moment. He deserved one good day with you, and would a baby so bad? Having his baby. No, you dreamed of having his baby all the years ago. 

Eddie deepened the kiss, and your thoughts dispersed; Eddie was the only thing clouding your brain. He picked you up, latching your legs around his waist. 

“You going to show me your bedroom now, little lady?” He kissed down the other side of your neck, mirroring the marks he had left on the other side. 

“Down the hall, second door on the left.” Eddie was already walking before you finished taking it. He entered your room and threw you on the bed to climb onto you.

“Really, you’re ready for round two?” Your question, even you still need some recovery time, 

“You wound me, princess.” He drops his head as his large tattooed hand covers his heart. You then notice when he moved his hand that below where Violet Rose's name was etched into his skin over his heart was a tattoo you hadn’t seen before. A small pair of blacked-out angel wings with a halo hovering above. 

Your hand shot up to trace over the ink in his skin. 

“Eddie.” You whispered. 

Eddie looked down to see what made your eyes glaze over. The realization that you hadn’t seen it yet hit him hard. He wasn’t sure why he acted on impulse that day, but something in him told him he had to keep you close to his heart, that he couldn’t let you go. So he got this tattoo dedicated to you a year after the breakup.

He cleared his throat; he was a little embarrassed by how desperate he was for you. How desperate he still is for you.

“Look, I-” You didn’t let him finish because you pulled him down into you by the back of his neck to kiss him. To really kiss him, a kiss to show him that you love him, that you always loved him, that you were sorry for ever hurting him. 

“I love you,” you mumbled into his mouth. A shit-eating grin formed on Eddie’s face. He couldn’t get enough of you saying those words, and now you said it first, unprovoked. He slid down your body. 

“Hey, where are you going?” You whined at the loss of his warm body hovering over you. 

“I don’t get to worship my girl properly.” He parted your sticky legs.

“Eddie, you just came. You sure you want to?” You questioned, clamping your legs together. 

“When has that ever stopped me before?” he pried open your knees. Not wasting another second, he was lapping at your clit, sending you into a cloudy euphoria.

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

“Come home with me?” Eddie asked the following day. You’d been intertwined with one another all night, not leaving one another for a moment. Not even when you got up to go to the bathroom. You didn’t want to waste another second apart. You never thought you would be this happy again; the ecstasy flowing through you was giving you a high. 

“I want you to meet Wayne.” he snuggled his head into the crook of your neck. 

“I would love to,” you sighed.

“Good, we are going back in two weeks; Violet hasn’t seen her Pops in too long.” He smiled.

“You never told me much about him before?” You shifted in the sheets to face him. 

You absentmindedly reached over to play with his hair. 

“Not much to say,” he shrugged.

You gave him a pointed look that told him he wasn’t getting out of this conversation.

“Fine,” he chuckled. “He is a stubborn old grump who took me in when he didn’t need to. He really is a softy on the inside, especially when it comes to his granddaughter.” He sighed. 

“Sounds like he is a really good guy,” you smile.

“He is, won’t admit it though, he is a very humble man, and it took years in order to convince him to live in the house I got him instead of the trailer I grew up in. I literally had to have it moved into the backyard with the house to convince him to leave that place.” He laughed. 

You needed to meet the man who raised Eddie to thank him for doing such a good job. It meant so much to you that he would want you to meet him, especially after everything that happened. 

“I can’t wait to meet him.” You kiss him gently.

“Good because I already told him you are coming. Gotta show off my girl to everyone. 

Eddie’s words made your heart flutter. You still couldn’t believe this was happening and that he didn’t hate you. 

The following two weeks had flown by. Trying to convince Violet Rose that you are staying for good was much more complex than you thought. She was very standoffish and didn’t give you much to work with. When you spoke to her, she would give grunts and one-word answers if you were lucky. Being a teenage girl means approaching with a topic of interest, and with VR growing up so much since you’ve seen her, it’s been hard to wiggle your way back in.

School was not a discussion topic; partying was also a sore subject because she was still grounded, so on your flight back to Indiana, you tried again. She gave you the cold shoulder, still not forgiving you. Not understanding at all why you had left. You were starting to question why you left things as you did. It didn’t make sense in retrospect. She was right, you could have snuck around, you could have “broken up” and gotten back together weeks later. But in the moment, everything was too much; you were overwhelmed by everything you weren’t thinking about. Now, as a thirty-year-old, you have learned so much. You were not ready for many things that came your way but you got through them; and on your own. Giving yourself room to grow and become your best was probably the best thing that came out of this situation. 

“Hey, old man,” Eddie yelled into the empty foyer of Wayne’s quaint bungalow. 

Violet Rose pushed past the both of you and walked into what you believed to be her bedroom just off the front door. 

“Finally, I’ve been waitin’ round for ages! Can’t that dang plan of yours go any faster?” Wayne rounded the corner as he entered the long hallway. He embraced Eddie in a thigh hug, snaking his back a few times before letting go.

“Angel, this is Wayne” he smiled brightly

“Pops, this is my Angel.” You smile at Wayne before he opens his arms for a hug hello. 

Wayne knew of you from the past. Mainly when he spoke with his granddaughter. She spoke so highly of you all those years ago.

“I’m so happy to finally meet you.” You squeezed your arms around the elderly man. 

“Pleasure’s all my darlin'.” he pulled back to get a good look at you, then looked around. “Where’s my Grandbaby?” 

Eddie chuckled and then pointed towards the door. “Don’t think she could get away that easy?” Wayne smirked. 

Violet must have heard the conversation because she stepped out of the room and was changed into her sweats and an old Corroded Coffin shirt.

“Hey, Gramps.” She smiled slightly and leaned into him for a hug.

“Hey baby girl, you get taller? Damn, I haven’t seen you in so long” he brushed her curly locks down as he patted her head.

“Probably, but I think I’m done now,” she giggled. It was the first time you had seen her in a good mood. 

“Well, let’s quit standing in the hallway; come in!” He waves the three of you into his home.

Wayne cooked a delicious dinner, and then Eddie showed you around the only trailer that sat in the backyard. He wasn’t kidding when he said Wayne wouldn’t move unless it went with him.

Eddie showed you around his old bedroom; he said it was like stepping into a time machine. Everything had been left as it was when he left at 21. 

You teased him when you found an old Playboy that was very well-used. His cheeks flared up as you flipped through the dusty pages. He told you there used to be a display of mugs, the same one that was now inside the house, and a bunch of trucker hats that also used to be a staple, but now we’re probably in his bedroom collecting dust there. 

When you went back inside, you saw Wayne and VR huddled around the pool playing a game of Snooker. It was nice to see Violet Rose enjoying her time around you rather than sulking like a moody teenager. 

Eddie announced that both of you would join in the next round, and Violet rolled her eyes so much for progress. 

The rest of the night was relatively peaceful. Only one more snarky remark from Violet Rose got a stern response from her Pops, telling her off for talking back to her elders. 

“Don’t you teach this girl any manners? Did I not raise you to respect people?” Wayne grumbled. 

“You try raising a teenage girl, then come back to me; maybe I’ll leave her here for the summer,” Eddie smirked, which got a rise out of Violet. 

“I love you, Gramps, but I would rather die than live in Hawkins,” she winced. 

“Don’t blame ya, Sweet-pea, but I think all that Hollywood California L. A bullshit, pardon my French, has gotten to that head of yours ” he shook his head. 

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh; it was so infectious you tried to hold in your giggles. 

“You guys are the worst! Just try and be a teenager now!” She dropped her pool cue and stormed off to her room. 

You looked at Eddie and gave a sympathetic smile; if anyone knew what she was going through in this room, it would be you. You went after her to see if she would open up to you. 

You tentatively knocked on the door three times before she told you to go away.

"Vi, can I please come in?" you speak through the door.

"No," you could hear her eyes roll. 

"Come on, Vi, who do you want to talk to you? Me a girl who has been in your position or your Dad?" you wait silently while she contemplates her options. 

"Fine." You hear her get up and walk to the door. She doesn't say anything when she opens the door. She turns and sulks back to her bed, curling her knees to her chest.

"So..." you start while thinking about what to say next. "Want to tell me what is going on?" you sit at the opposite end of her bed; you don't want to crowd her. 

"Not particularly," She mumbled into her knees. 

“Okay," you drew out with a huff. "How about I list off some things that I think are the issues, and you let me know if I'm close?" 

Violet Rose stared at you blankly, but you took that as a yes. 

"Okay... is it about school?" 

"No" 

"Friends?" 

"No"

"A boy?" 

"Not really" 

Okay that's good you were getting somewhere. 

"Not really? So, a boy problem with you? Or someone else?"

"It's about you and Dad." 

"Of course," you sighed.

"It's not that... it's not that I don't want you together because that is all I ever wanted. But I'm scared you're going to leave again." She was so meek. You hadn't seen Violet Rose, so unsure of herself. You reached out your comforting hand, shocked when she let you leave it resting over hers.

"I am so sorry about how I left things with you. I will never forgive myself for not being there to say goodbye. But I promise I am not planning on leaving this time. Your father and I are nowhere near perfect, but we are working on things. And if we ever plan to not continue things between us, I promise you I will always be a part of your life as long as you want me to be. Okay?" you sighed. 

You waited a few seconds in silence before she responded. "Okay.'' She whispered while giving a meek smile. 

"Was that the only thing bothering you?" you chide.

Violet sat and wondered if she wanted to share her feelings about her crush on her friend, Charlotte. Violet knew she liked both girls and boys for a while now but wasn't ready to divulge. She would rather speak about that to her aunts, Robin and Nancy. She shook her head no and said she would have an early night. 

You bid her a goodnight, and when you closed her door, a triumphant smile spread across your face. Progress has been made; that's all you wanted.

You rounded the corner and caught the end of Eddie and Wayne's conversation.

"Don't let this one go again, boy, or else I'll never forgive ya'." 

"Don't worry, I'm not going to let him this time," You said with the same goofy smile.

"You're in a good mood. I'm assuming things went well?" Eddie pulled you in by the waist to sit beside him on the couch. 

"Yeah, she will be okay. Just needed some reassurance, is all." You curled up next to him. 

Eddie didn't say anything more when he gave a kiss to your temple. 

"Told ya she would be good for you son." Wayne tipped the beer bottle to you. 

"Yea, yea, yea, you are always right," Eddie laughed.

It seemed that you were fitting back into their family just perfectly. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

On your second day in Hawkins, Eddie wanted to take you around town and bring you to meet his old friends. He told you that his buddy Steve was hosting a BBQ and invited all of his old high school friends for the occasion. He said you were going to meet everyone. Steve and his wife and kids, Robin and Nancy, who were married; Nancy’s little brother Mike and his Wife El; Dustin and his wife Suzy and their kids; Lucas and his wife Max and their kids; and Luca’s little sister Erica and her partner. You told him you would try to remember everyone’s names, but you made no promises. 

It was all a bit overwhelming to meet everyone all at once, but you felt like you were welcomed with open arms, regardless of what Eddie had told them about you. 

You’d lost Eddie halfway through the evening. Naturally, the men and women separated into their separate groups.

“So tell me about Eddie when he was in high school.” You smirked into your iced tea glass. Everyone else had been drinking tonight, but your stomach was feeling off, probably due to the nerves of meeting everyone tonight. 

“Oh, he was a TOTAL dork,” Robin giggled. 

“Not much of a jock, I’m assuming?” you asked, giggling with her. 

“No, no, but he was a charming guy,” Nancy spoke. “a bit eccentric.”

“No, very eccentric,” Robin corrected with a laugh. 

“But he was always looking out for his friends, sucking up for others, like my brother Mike” Nancy nodded over to the guys who were surrounding the BBQ. 

Robin was someone you gravitated toward the most; she was funny and spunky, and you totally understood why she fell for Nancy. Nancy was kind, warm and not to mention gorgeous. 

This made you smile to know he always had a genuine heart. 

“Sounds ‘bout right,” you sigh. 

Eddie couldn’t break the smile that spread across his face the second you two walked in the door. He was so smitten and very excited to show you off. He finally found his person; all of his hometown friends had settled down for years, getting married in their 20s and having a normal life in the suburbs. He felt like he was finally able to settle down with you. He had already settled down while raising VR but always missed his partner. 

“How did you manage to swing a girl like that, Eds? She has to be half your age,” Steve asks, nodding his head in your direction. 

“She is thirty,” Eddie corrected him, but he knew Steve was only pulling his leg. 

“He’s a famous rockstar now, remember! Not the same nerd from Hawkins High,” Dustin laughed. 

Eddie gave him a stern look. Sure, they were all grown up, but Eddie still saw them as his little sheep. 

“Com’on, dude! It’s been so long since we busted your balls,” Lucas said, wrapping an arm around Eddie's shoulder. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever y’all are just jealous.” Eddie rolled his eyes, smirking before taking a sip of beer. 

“We are happy for you, dude,” Steve smiled. “You seem much better when she is around. You sound alive again.” He flipped a steak on the grill. 

“Well, my fellow brethren, thank you for everything you’ve done for me; I appreciate it.” “You're getting way too sappy for me; I thought I was standing with the men.” Mike laughed.

The evening was ending; the lot of you were all snuggled up by the bonfire in the backyard of the Harrington residents. 

“So… what do you prefer to be called? Your actual name or Angel?” Steve inquired.

“Whatever you prefer, to be honest, I like both.” You smiled.

“Well, I’m calling you Angel,” Robin piped up, “It's cute,” she smiled.

“It’s all Eddie ever refers to you as; I had no idea it was you he was speaking of when he told us he was bringing a lady friend,” Steve smirked. 

“She’s not just a lady friend; she is his girlfriend,” Dustin chimed in with a grin.

“Well, whatever you are, we are happy you’re here; it’s about time someone tied this one down.” Steve tilted his beer bottle up to toast. 

“Thank you for having me; I’m so happy to meet all of you. Eddie has told me wonderful things about all of you.” You smiled, reaching for Eddie’s hand. 

“Awe shucks, bud. Are you getting all mushy on us?” Steve laughs. 

“Zip it, Harrington,” Eddie said, teasingly pointing a finger. 

“What? I’m just saying… The last time we saw you with anyone was Chrissy... and that was twenty years ago!” He clapped. Steve was drunk.  

Your body tenses and tired to laugh, but up at the thought of Eddie with another girl made you feel icky.

“Yeah, well, I haven’t found anyone close to how Angel makes me feel, so I don’t care how long it took her to find me.” Eddie kissed your cheek with a wet smack. 

Steve cringed at how gushy his friend was, but the ladies fawned over it. They were so happy Eddie finally found his person. They had multiple discussions about how they were worried for his well-being when he started partying again. 

“You both are the cutest. How did you rekindle things? Eddie told us you dated in the past. Nancy spoke.

You told them about how you caught VR in the club and dragged her home, and the rest was history. 

The evening wrapped up around midnight. The car ride home was quiet but not uncomfortable.  Eddie held your hand the whole ride home with a slight smile. Your heart was warm; Eddie had really good people in his life. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

"When do yous two plan on hitting the road?" Wayne asked a few days after your arrival. 

"Trying to kick us out, old man? We just got here," Eddie laughed. 

"No, boy, I just gotta know how much food to buy at the store." He huffed. 

"Well, we will stay for four more days and head out on the 7th. 

Wait? Did Eddie just say the 7th was in four days? That can't be right. You open your phone to look at your calendar. Shit. 

You excuse yourself calmly to go to the bathroom.

You lock the door behind you and open your period tracker app. You were six days late. Okay, no need to panic. The last time you had unprotected sex was... almost every night for the past two weeks... You tried to think back; he pulled out nearly every time. But there was the first night you rekindled the flame; he definitely didn't pull out then… okay. Focus. You’re 30 and not getting any younger, your career is at its peak, and you’re with the man you want to be with forever. Growing your and Eddie’s baby inside you made your heart flutter. Maybe a baby wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. 

You decided to wait a few more days for your period to come just in case it was a fluke. You also didn’t want to take a pregnancy test in Wayne’s house, so you waited until you returned to LA. 

You went out of the bathroom and decided not to tell Eddie anything until you knew for sure. Your mind was racing with all the possibilities. You tried to reel it back in the best you could and engage with the rest of them, but the last few days of the trip have been full of fantasies of a mini-you running around.

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

When you got home from Indiana, the first thing you did was have your assistant rush to the drugstore. The last thing you needed was to have you papped buying a pregnancy test before you told Eddie anything. It sat on your bathroom counter, taunting you. You were so scared, so nervous about what could be. 

You waited a few days before building up the courage to face reality because your period still hadn’t made its appearance.  

It was six o’clock in the evening, and you had just gotten home from the studio. You had a productive day; you got about 4 songs finished and recorded for the new album coming out in 3 months. You were feeling good about your progress in the studio, and something in you told you to take the test. 

You tried your best to distract yourself in the fifteen minutes for the test to be complete. The longest fifteen minutes of your life were waiting for the results; the second your phone timer went off, you ran back to the bathroom to check the test that sat on the vanity. 

With shaking hands, you lifted it up to your face to see the very prominent plus sign marking the test positive. With a gasp, you felt your stomach erupt in those oh-so-familiar butterflies. You were happy, so happy, you were having a baby! Tears of joy escaped from your tear ducts. You couldn’t believe the news. How are you going to tell Eddie? Would he want to keep it? Would he stay with you? It was so soon; less than two months passed since you had gotten back together. How was VR going to react?! Oh god, you were just getting back in her good graces, this could screw up everything.

The next day, you got an appointment with your doctor; thankfully, they had an opening. They did the blood test, and a day later, they called you to confirm the news that you had been about 3 weeks along. 

You let out the breath you had been holding when you picked up the phone. 

You thanked them and hung up with a shaky hand. The first thing you did was sit and think about your future. You wanted to keep this baby no matter what Eddie's decision will be. You hadn’t booked a tour for this album release yet. You had a meeting with your team next month about it, but would let them know that it would have to be put on hold for now. You hugged your stomach as you thought about how you had not only yourself to think about. You were excited yet terrified all at the same time. 

You were off in your own little baby world the next few days. You had called your mom to tell her because you could no longer keep the secret to yourself.  She was so ecstatic, she cried happy tears, and she called your dad on the phone. She soothed your worries about having to tell Eddie. She reassured you that even if he didn’t want to be a part of the baby's life, she would be there for you, but she also reminded you how he raised a baby all on his own because he could never give up a child. That settled your nerves a bit, but you were still scared out of your wits. 

You spent the afternoon talking to her, brainstorming ways of how you would tell Eddie. Your mom and you thought it would be cute to give him a custom onesie that said “Corroded Coffins smallest fan.” You go on ordering that immediately; you don’t want to keep the secret any longer. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

You were in Eddie’s bedroom getting unready after your dinner date; you hadn’t been feeling the best because of the baby. The nausea had been coming in waves, and Eddie knew you were not feeling the best. Oblivious to what was happening, you told him it was the stress of getting the album done. 

Eddie told you he picked up some ginger tablets because he knew Gravol made you too sleepy. 

“Baby, where are the tablets you bought? My stomach needs to settle,” you asked as you removed your earrings. 

“Uh, check the night stand,” he called over his shoulder, disappearing into the walk-in closet. 

You made your way over to his side of the bed and found nothing but an old copy of Lord of the Rings, a vibrator, and the box of condoms you were supposed to be using; bit too late for that now… 

You then walked to the bedside table on your side of the bed. That made more sense; he would put it on your side for you. 

You opened the drawer, and your heart felt like it stopped.

“What is this?” Your voice cracked.

“What’s what, Sugar?” You could hear the smirk in his voice. 

Your hands trembled as you picked up the small velvet box sitting there wide open for you to see. A diamond ring. It was not just any diamond ring but a pink 4-karat cushion cut with white diamond clusters on the side, staring you in the face. It was beautiful. 

This man could not be serious? This is not how he was proposing to you? 

You felt like you were moving in slow motion as you turned toward Eddie. Tears were threatening to rim your eyes; man, being pregnant really does heighten your hormones. 

Eddie was in the walk-in closet undressing for the evening, and when you didn’t respond to his question, he was confused, so he poked his head out while pulling on his black sweatpants.

To Eddie’s surprise, you held the one thing that had taunted him over the past four years. He had forgotten about it since you came back into his life. How could he be so stupid? Of course, you found it! 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” Eddie ran over to you in a panic. He tried to swipe it from you, but you pulled your hand away. 

“Answer me, Eddie, what is this?” 

“A ring,” Eddie answered matter of factly. 

“I know it's a ring, Eddie, don’t play with me right now. What is this?” You tried to keep your voice from cracking again. 

With a deep sigh, Eddie folded an arm over his chest and pinched his brow before letting his head fall back, trying to think of a way to explain. 

“It’s an engagement ring, Princess.” He reached out to your free hand. You let him. “You weren’t supposed to find it.” He sighed. 

“I wasn’t supposed to find the engagement ring left wide open on my side of the bed?” You cocked your head. He had to be joking? So this isn’t how he was proposing? 

“God no, Angel! You think this is how I wanted to propose to you?” He shook his head with disbelief.

“Then why is it sitting in there out in the open for me to find!” You didn’t know what to think; was this even meant for you? Are you jumping to conclusions? “Oh my god, it’s not for me, is it? Fuck I’m so stupid” You shoved the box into Eddie’s hands and ran into the ensuite bathroom. 

“Angel, wait!” Eddie called out to you but your emotions were sighted by one thousand, and you shut the door in his face before he could follow you. 

“Baby, please let me in; I’ll explain everything. Just let me see my pretty girl.” Eddie cooed through the black wooden door. 

You stood there for a moment, unsuccessfully holding back your tears. You didn’t feel pretty, your mascara was running, your stomach was still doing flip-flops, and you looked boated. 

“No,” you refused. 

“Come on now, sweetheart, don’t be like this. I’ll tell you everything.” Eddie watched the doorknob like he was trying to unlock it with his mind. To his surprise, it twisted. You stepped out, walking right past him no less, as you crawled into bed and pulled the duvet over your head. 

Eddie rolled his eyes at your dramatics. You really could be such a brat, but he knew better than to poke the bear right now. 

“Come out from under there, please, so I can talk to you?” Eddie stroked your arm from above the blanket. He didn’t get a worded response, just a muffled grumble. 

“Let me talk to you, pretty girl, don’t act like a child.  Another muffled, grumbled response was made, and he could have sworn you said something about acting however you want because you’re having his child, but it was so muffled he swore that he was just hearing things. 

Eddie tried again, then realized you were not coming up, so he would have to go in. You tried pulling the covers closer to you, but his grip was much stronger than yours. He snuggled in the bed, but you turned to face the other way. 

Eddie could not believe your behaviour right now. 

“Don’t make me take you over my knee, little one,” he seductively whispered in your ear. 

He could not be serious right now? 

“Eddie, don’t,” you huffed. 

“Then quit being a brat and let me talk to you.” he pulled you into him so he was spooning you. 

“You tried to wiggle away, but his strong arm held you in place. You decided to give up and let him talk. The sooner he spoke, the sooner you could escape this stifling heat trap you had created for yourself. 

“What do you want to know?” He kissed your shoulder as one hand trailed lightly up and down the side of your thigh.

“Everything.” You whispered with a light sniffle. 

“Yes, the ring was for you, and no, you were not supposed to find it like that... It's been sitting on that side of the bed for years, taunting me, and I never had the heart to throw it away.” Years? You wanted to cut him off and ask, but you let him continue. “ I had this whole thing planned to put in Italy. You remember?” he cleared his throat. Fuck “Obviously, that didn’t work out like I had hoped. I had forgotten it was there over these past few months because it was no longer a reminder of sad memories. I don’t know why I didn’t move it when we got back together; honestly, I just didn’t think about it. You were never supposed to see it… well, not never…” 

You took a moment to process, then slowly turned around to face Eddie. You placed a hand on his cheek and leaned in to kiss him. You didn’t know what this meant for the both of you now, but the idea of being engaged made you extremely happy. 

“I love you, Eddie.” You whispered as you pulled back. 

“So we are okay?” He nuzzled his nose against yours. 

“Yeah, I think so,” you nod. 

“Good, because I must punish you for being such a brat now.” Eddie threw up the blankets and pulled you over his lap before you knew what was happening.

“NO, we can’t hut the baby!” you shouted, not thinking. 

Eddie’s hand froze mid-air before it could come down on your bottom. 

You covered your mouth, realizing what you had just said as Eddie pulled you back up from his lap.

“What did you just say?” Eddie's eyes were wild while scanning your tummy back up to your face.

“I’m pregnant,” you spilled softly. 

“You’re- you- you’re? A baby?” Eddie pointed to your tummy. 

“This is not how I planned on telling you,” you groaned into your hands before looking up at Eddie, who had the brightest smile on his face. 

“You’re having a baby?” His large hand spread across your lower stomach. You place your hand over his and nod yes. 

“We are having a baby!!” Eddie shot up out of bed and pumped his fists as he ran around the room in excitement. You couldn’t help but laugh; this was the best reaction you could have hoped for. 

“When did you find out?” He ran back over to your side of the bed.

 “Um, not long, about two weeks ago…” 

“Two weeks?! Why didn’t you tell me?” He places a gentle hand over your tummy.

“I was scared… and I was waiting for the gift to come in the mail to help tell you.” You looked down as you started picking at your nails. 

“Scared?” Eddie cupped the side of your face.

“We are so new, and I didn't know if you wanted to be committed to me like that after everything from our past and-”

“No.” Eddie shook his head, cutting you off. “We aren’t doing that; this is the best news I could have ever asked for.” He leaned in to kiss you. “I love you,” another kiss. “I love you,” he moved down to your neck. Kissing you between each sentence. “You’re going to be the best momma… and now I’m going to have to take extra good care of my girl and baby.” Eddie couldn’t hold back his smile. 

Your skin tingled as Eddie made his way down your body with more kisses. You moaned from how his lips brushed so lightly against your skin. Everything had been heightened now that you were pregnant. Every touch, every kiss, every graze was like a bolt of lightning shooting down your body and straight to your clit. 

You moaned his name as he sucked on your neck. His hands gently pushed you up on the pillows resting on the headboard. 

“Have to treat my girl extra special now.” He whispered as he travelled down your body. His strong hands travelled down to the hem of your dress and wasted no time getting you naked. 

“Have to treat this pussy right; it’s going to be giving me the best gift in the world.” He kissed your clit over your panties, and your body jerked. This was the first time you’ve had sex since finding out the news. Your morning sickness had been taking over any time you were with Eddie. You won’t be up for it. 

Your body was so much more reactive, and Eddie noticed. Oh, he was going to have so much fun.

“You like that, Princess?” He stroked his index finger down your clothed slit before hooking a finger under the gusset and pulling them down in one swift motion. 

“Yes,” you panted. 

“Look at that,” Eddie said as he parted your legs. He ran a calloused fingertip through your slick. You grabbed his wrist when he got to your clit. 

“Too much,” you whimpered. It felt like your body was on fire. 

Eddie crawled back up to kiss you; it was soft and tender. His hand trailed up from your centre to your breasts. He cupped one over your bra and massaged gently as you ground your core into his thigh. 

“I can’t wait to worship this body,” Eddie spoke into your mouth. 

You let out a soft moan when Eddie pulled down the cups of your bra and latched his mouth onto your extra-sensitive nipple. Your hips hadn’t stopped moving. Your clit was throbbing as you ground your hips up and down his clothed thigh. Eddie let you use his leg to release the pressure that kept building and building in your lower stomach. The added pleasure of Eddie’s mouth on your peaked bud made your orgasm come faster than ever before. It didn’t take much before you were letting out silent screams. 

“Poor little thing, coming already? Eddie loved this. He was eating it up. 

“Please, please.” You didn’t even know what you were begging for? You were so sensitive, but you needed to feel Eddie or else you would explode. 

“There there little one, Daddy’s got you,” he cooed. 

“Daddy?” You questioned still in your fucked out haze.

Eddie never referred himself to Daddy in bed, only Sir. 

“Yes. Daddy. ‘Nd you’re Mommy.”

Was it weird? Yes. Were you arguing? No. It only turned you on even more. 

“Now stop thinking and let Daddy take care of you.” 

He aligned his hardened shaft with your dripping hole. 

It slipped in without any resistance; you felt every inch, every vein, and especially those glorious silver balls perched at the end of his shaft graze your g spot. 

“Oh my,” you whispered.  

“Aww, look at that little pussy clenching,” he pulled out before spreading you open again and again. 

Eddie wasn’t going at his usual pace; he knew it was silly, but he didn’t want to hurt the baby. He saw that you were so sensitive enough that he didn’t need to. 

He rocked his hips to push in and out of you slowly and methodically. 

“More,” you whimpered, trying to gyrate your hips against his to create more friction!  Eddie pinned your hips down.

“Nuh'uh, don’t fight it.” He threw your legs over his shoulders and leaned in so you folded in half. 

“Please,” you begged. You were so fucked out you just needed to feel every bit of him. 

“My poor little one.” he mocked before reaching his hand down to massage your swollen bud. “Can’t do anything about it, can you?” He was such an ass. 

“Please Eddie, I-I-”

“Oh, I think my cock got you so stupid. It’s not Eddie, baby girl.” He stopped all movement. 

“Daddy, please!” You were on the verge of tears at this point. You were so overstimulated. Every stroke, every brush, every breath was overwhelming you.

“There’s my smart girl.” Eddie bent down to kiss you as his hips thrust into you so deeply that you saw stars. Your body felt like it left and went to another dimension. 

“Keep coming, baby, that’s it.” Eddie didn’t let up. He continued to pound into your cunt until he was spilling himself inside of you. For the first time, Eddie wasn’t worried about him cum filling you up. 

“That’s it. Take it all. You’re my little cum dumpster. Going to fill you get you pregnant all over again.” 

You were too fucked out to realize what he was saying didn’t make any sense. 

You came back down to reality a few minutes later. You were curled up on Eddie’s chest. You could feel the rise and fall of his lungs as the room was filled with heavy pants until Eddie spoke up. 

“I wasn’t too much, was I?” Eddie was worried, worried about hurting you or the baby. You shook your head no in response.

“How did this happen?” Eddie questioned. 

“What? The baby?” You quipped.

“Yeah, I thought it was like impossible to get pregnant with an IUD?” He crunched his face, trying to think. 

Shit.

“I took it out…” you admit. No use lying to him.

“You- you took it out? What? When?” Eddie was shocked.

“I had it taken out over a year ago because I thought it was aiding my depression, you know… hormones and all that.” You bite your lip with anticipation. 

“Baby…” he trailed off. 

“I’m okay now, I swear. I’m doing a lot better,” you promised. 

“You promise to tell me if you ever feel like that again, OK?” 

“Yes, Sir.” You playfully reply. “Oh, that’s how it's going to be?” He raises a brow at you. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with the mother of my child, and you wanna be a brat?” His fingers started trailing up your sides, tickling your middle. 

“Eddie, stop!” You laugh, but he doesn’t let up. He continues until you’re almost in tears. When he finally gives in, it hits you what he said minutes earlier. You’re the mother of his child. Unborn but still yours nonetheless. 

“I’m going to be a mommy.” You whisper more to yourself than anyone. 

“Yeah, you are.” Eddie’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

“You two are so gross,” Violet Rose said as she entered the kitchen the next morning. 

“Huh?” You questioned before taking a bite of the scrambled egg Eddie had made for you

“I don’t ever want to hear your nightly activities ever again." she shuttered.

You felt all the blood drain from your face as you froze from the words she spoke. 

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” you mumbled under your breath, trying to hide your face in your hands. How mortifying! 

“Mornin’ Cupcake,” Eddie walked back into the kitchen as Violet grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. 

“So gross,” VR cringed and walked away without another word. 

“Hey! You’re still grounded, don’t forget. I don’t need the snarky comments,” he called after her, clueless about what she might have heard the night prior. 

“Baby, you might have to end her punishment early… she has suffered enough.” You try not to laugh, but it was so uncomfortable you don’t know how to react. 

“What?” Eddie looked back at you. 

“She heard us…last night.” you cringe.

“She knows about the baby?” He tilted his head. 

“No, not the baby,” you chuckle. 

“You mean?” Eddie’s eyes went wide at the realization. No wonder she called him gross. 

“Oh god! No, no, no, shit, shit, shit, shit.” 

“Baby, it will be okay.” You tried to console him. 

“Okay? It’s not okay! Probably scarred her for the rest of her life!” He brushed his hands down his face. “She shouldn’t even know what sex is! She’s a baby, my baby!” Eddie was spiralling. 

“She snuck into a club with a fake ID and was with a man twice her age when I found her... hate to break it to you, but she knows what sex is, babe.” You stroke his back, trying to calm him down. 

“She was with who now?” Eddie's face went beat red. Shit. You’d forgotten you hadn’t disclosed that part of the night you found VR at The Red Bottom's. 

“Shhhh shhhhh, it's okay. She got her punishment; she knows what she did was wrong. We are finally getting somewhere with her; let's not ruin it by reminding her of her mistakes.” You cooed. 

“Yea, yea, you’re right,” He sighed. 

“Poor kid,” you shake your head. 

“When do you want to tell her?” Eddie pulled you in by your oversized t-shirt. 

“You think we should tell her now? She is old enough. I don’t wanna keep any more secrets from her.” You wrap your arms around Eddie’s neck.

“Yeah, I think so too.” Eddie landed his forehead on yours. You were about to kiss when Violet Walked back into the room. 

“Oh god! Get a room!” She covered her eyes like she was in physical pain. 

“Sweetheart, come here. We have to share something important.” Eddie patted the bar stool that was beside him. 

“Do I have to? I could be doing, I don’t know, algebra homework or something.” She rolled her eyes. 

“Come, sit” Eddie used that commanding voice that made your pussy tingle. 

“We have some news. Exciting news.”  Eddie emphasized when he wrapped his arm around your waist. 

“You want to tell her, or should I?” Eddie asked as he looked at you. 

“Um, you can tell her, baby” You smiled. You were very nervous about what her reaction would be. You had just broken the surface of making up with her. 

“You are going to be a big sister.” Eddie smiled brightly. 

A few seconds of silence pass before what Eddie said hits Violet Rose. “Shut up!” Violet’s face emulated her father’s as his mouth parted into a toothy smile. 

Well, that was better than expected…

“You’re having a baby!” She jumped up and embraced you in a hug. Tears of joy rose in your eyes, and you nodded. 

“Yeah,” You whispered. 

“Holy shit!” Violet was ecstatic. Now, this really meant you were here for good! You wouldn’t leave her and her father. She finally felt like things would be okay. 

“So you’re okay with this?” You ask with a quivering lip. God, pregnancy really made you a crybaby. 

“Yes! Omg we have to go shopping! We can get all the baby clothes and, oh, the nursery! We can decorate it; I have so many ideas! I saw one Pinterest the other day that was just the cutest! Oh, and we can do a baby shower! And a gender reveal party! But not those lame ones with the smoke or balloon ones that are horrible for the environment- ” She rambled on. 

“Whoah, slow down Cupcake”  Eddie cut her off. “We just found out, so you can’t tell anyone yet; it’s too early.”

“How far along are you?” She bounced up and down on her toes. 

“Five weeks.” You smile. 

“Oh, I'm so excited. I love you guys.” She hooked her arms around your and Eddie’s necks. 

That was the first time you heard her tell you that since she was eleven. The waterworks were starting up again. You’d finally felt like a family again. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

Eddie, Violet Rose and you had lived in your little bubble for the past two months. Things with VR were so much better; she was opening up to you like she used to and trusting you more than ever. Eddie had also asked you to move in with him. 

Even though you loved your little bungalow, having the four of you living there wasn't practical. Eddie’s had so much more space and was always a home to you in the time you’ve known him. You’d convinced Eddie to start redecorating just a little bit. However, you told him the house needed to be brighter. So after some negotiations (letting Eddie do filthy things to you), you got your way and painted the walls lighter. It made the house look so much more significant. Violet cheered when you told her the dungeon she lived in would be given a facelift. 

Today, Eddie and Violet Rose and you were out furniture shopping. You’d wanted to fix the bedroom to make it yours and Eddie’s rather than just Eddie’s. Eddie was fine with anything as long as you were happy. You’d also come across some cribs and changing tables in the store that you loved and marked down to save for the future. 

After hours of looking, you were starving, so you went to lunch at your favourite spot.

Word was starting to spread that you and Eddie had gotten back together. You both hadn’t officially announced anything, but you had been spotted out in public a few times, and the wind was picking up in the tabloids about the both of you, so you were grateful when the restaurant wasn’t bustling.

“The baby is still hungry,” You wined as the waiter walked away with empty plates.  

“Holy shit!” Violet Rose squealed out of nowhere. 

“What?!” You ask.

“Oh my god, I can't believe that's her!” Violet half whispered. She didn’t get excited about celebrities; she grew up with them, so why was she freaking out about this one? 

You look at Eddie and see all the blood drain from his face. 

“What is it?” You grab his hand. 

“Eddie, is that you?” You heard a sickly, sweet voice approach the table. 

You cannot believe who is standing before you as you look to your right. 

“Sarafina, uh, hi- it’s been a while.” He stuttered as she wrapped herself around your boyfriend.  

“Wait, you two know one another? Dad! why didn’t you tell me?” Violet chastised. 

You watched as Sarafina’s face shot towards her daughters. 

“This must be Violet Rose.” She smiled. God, she was beautiful. 

“You know my name?” Violet’s eyebrows shot up.

“Well yeah, I-” she looked to Eddie, and he subtly shook his head no. “I, uh, know your Dad; we go way back. About sixteen years, if I’m not mistaken.” She clearly was hurt by the fact Violet Rose didn’t know she was her mother. 

You’d cleared your throat to take the attention off Sarafina. 

“Oh, I’m being so rude. Where are my manners?” She spoke. “I’m Sarafina, and you are?” 

“This is my Mom. You can call her Poppy or Angel, whatever works,” Violet Rose spoke up, and you and Eddie both wiped your heads toward her.  She hadn’t ever called you her Mom before? “Uh yea, whatever works? It’s very nice to meet you.” You stuck out your hand as a gesture. She didn’t take it. 

“Mom? You’re young enough to be her sister.” You knew it was a jab but weren’t sinking to that level. 

“Yeah, well, she’s a great one.” Eddie grabbed your hand.

“Well, I uh- don’t want to bother you any longer on your little family day.” She cleared her throat. “It was nice seeing you, Eddie,” She nodded and then lingered on Violet Rose before she walked out of the restaurant.  

“What the hell, dad!” Violet spoke as soon as she saw Sarafina exit the building.

“Violet Rose Winnifred Munson. Don’t.” Eddie never used her full name unless he meant it. So she dropped it… for now. She thought about asking you later when her dad wasn’t around. 

The car ride home was quiet until Violet spoke up. 

“So uh, about lunch… I think Sarafina likes you, Dad.” 

“What?” He jerked the wheel a bit, making you squeak. “Sorry baby, but what are you talking about Cupcake?” He looked at her through the rearview mirror. 

“She was totally all over you!” 

“Is that why you called Angel your mom?” Your eyes went wide with curiosity. 

“Well, yeah, partly.” She shrugged. 

“Partly?” You ask, looking back at her. 

“You’re more of a mom than she ever was to me.” Violet had dug into who his dad had been with around the time she was conceived. She got final confirmation when Sarafina said they’d known each other for sixteen years. It wasn’t rocket science to see the similarities in her face and her birth mother's.

Somehow Eddie managed to keep his cool while driving you safely back home before freaking out. The three of you exited the car, and Eddie walked over to Violet Rose. As you watched him engulf his daughter in a suffocating hug, you couldn’t help but sniffle. Damn you, baby hormones. 

“I want you to know how special you are. You are so brave, smart, loving, and funny, and I’m not just saying that because I’m your Dad, okay?” He kissed the side of her head and pulled away. 

“Thanks, Dad. But can I ask…. Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked as you all walked back into the house. 

“Because Cupcake, I know what it’s like to not be wanted by the people who are supposed to love you the most. And I did not want that for you, ever. Growing up, I couldn’t have you seeing that woman everywhere, knowing she asked not to be a part of your life.” Eddie sighed. 

“I love you, Dad, but I’m still trying to wrap my head around this whole thing. I kinda just wanna call Charlotte and tell her what’s happening.” She made her way to the staircase. 

“I’m just going to ask that you ask her not to say anything. I know she won’t, but Sarafina asked that no one knew… that’s part of why I didn’t tell you, kiddo. But you have every right to talk about it… it’s your life, too.” Eddie sighed. 

“Thanks, Dad.” Violet turned and walked up the stairs. 

“You’re a good Dad.” You turned to hug Eddie once VR was out of sight. 

“It’s so hard sometimes.” He nuzzled his head into your neck. 

“But you have me now; you don’t have to do this alone anymore.” You stroked his head. 

“God, I love you.” He leaned in for a deep kiss.

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

You told Roger and your team you were pregnant a week ago. You were starting to show and couldn't really hide the bump anymore. It's been over three months, and your doctor said the baby was healthy, so it was okay to start telling people. 

Roger was excited, more than enthusiastic; he had ideas on pregnancy announcements. He insisted on a People Magazine cover to announce your and Eddie’s relationship plus the Baby. You’d let him know you would run it by Eddie, but it seemed like he didn’t have a choice. 

“I don’t know about this Princess,” Eddie snuggled you while laying in bed, getting ready to sleep. 

“Come on baby, it could be good for us, like really good! No more sneaking around. I can finally stop worrying about people finding out, and it will probably up record sales.” You stroked his tattooed-clad chest. 

“I hate photoshoots; they’re so long, and I always get so cranky and hungry-”

“Hangry.” 

“Yea, that… and what about you? I don’t want you on your feet that long.” 

“Who says I’ll be on my feet?” you tease. “I’ll probably be in nothing but a sheet, baby. I’ll have to show my little bump, and you can be there with me while I’m practically naked…. Or I can do the same without you and just make it all about me.” you shrug, knowing that won’t fly. 

“No way in hell I’m letting you be naked in a room with a bunch of men without me.” Eddie huffed. 

“Okay, then it’s settled. You’re doing it.” you kiss his cheek and roll over to turn out the light. You could feel Eddie roll his eyes, and you snuggled back into his chest. 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿 

The magazine cover came out when you were five months along. Your baby bump was more prominent now than on the shoot day. You could finally show it off without worrying about hiding your tummy anymore. It felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. 

“Can’t believe it's finally public,” you sighed. You were in the living room hanging out with Violet Rose. 

“Me too! Now I can finally tell people I will be a big sister!” She applauded. “You think it will be a boy or girl?” She asked. 

“I don’t know yet. I thought I would have a feeling by now, but honestly, I’m unsure.” You rubbed your tummy. 

“Too bad you guys are waiting; I would have planned the best gender reveal party…”  she sighed.   “Speaking of parties.” Violet Rose hesitated, knowing she couldn’t be trusted with going out after being busted. “Charlotte is having a birthday party tonight, and I was hoping you could help me get ready?” 

“And where is this party being held?” You question. 

“At her house, her parents will be there; it is totally supervised, I swear.” She crossed her heart. 

“And your Dad knows you’re going?” You question. 

“Yes, I already spoke to him. I’m sleeping there, so you don’t have to pick me up either. 

“Of course, I’ll help you get ready,” you smile.

You were sat in Violet’s room in a pile of clothing. She was freaking out about what she should wear. Then, after you figured out her outfit, you would help her with her hair and makeup. 

“Ugh! I'm never going to find anything cute enough!” She cried. 

“This is so cute. Wear this!” You pull a black minidress out of the pile she had thrown at you. 

“I wore that last time!” She wined. 

You looked at the clock; it was only 5:00 pm; thank god you had three hours to help her get ready. 

“Come, let’s look in my closet…” you waved her over to follow you to your room.

After settling on one of your outfits, you returned to her room to do her hair and makeup. 

“So any particular reason you are freaking out?” You laugh while blending her bronzer. 

“I’m not freaking out,” She huffed. 

You give her a knowing look. 

“Okay, fine. My crush will be there, and I wanted to look nice for them…” She sighed. 

“Oh, a crush! Do tell.” You wiggled your brows at her. You were so excited she was finally opening up to you again. 

“uh… well.” Violet hesitated. 

“It’s okay, baby, you can tell me,” you reassured her. 

“It’s Char.” She looked down, avoiding eye contact. 

“Oh?” You were taken aback a little; you didn’t think she would be crushing on her new best friend. 

“I, uh. I like both boys and girls.” She twiddled with her thumb. You could tell hoe nervous she was, but you were so happy she opened up. 

“Can I tell you a secret? You lifted her chin so you could continue doing her face. “I like boys and girls too.” You smiled. Not many people knew about your preferences. However, it felt right to let her know she wouldn’t be judged by you.

“What?” Violet Rose’s eyes brightened. 

You nod your head to confirm. 

“Does Dad know?” She asked. 

“Yeah, I told him when we first started the whole fake dating thing.” You shrugged.

“Cool,” she half whispered. 

“So tell me more.” You smile, reaching for the eyeshadow brush. 

“Well she is really pretty, and smart, and funny, and we get along so well. I feel like she’s my other half.” She sighed. 

“Do you know if she likes girls too?” 

“No” her shoulders sunk. 

“Well, she would be crazy not to like you back if she does.” 

“You think so?” She looked up at you with those chocolate eyes. 

“Now, don’t take this the wrong way because I do not condone what you did at the club, but you pulled that guy, didn’t you? You’re beautiful. Your mom’s a supermodel, and you’re funny, charismatic, and kind.” You tell her. 

“She’s not my mom…” She shook her head. 

“You know what I mean-”

“You are,” she cut you off. 

“Ohhhh, don’t you do this to me now!” You jokingly threaten as you try to hold back the waterworks. 

“Pop, I'm sorry I keep forgetting how the baby makes you emotional.” She giggled. 

You sniffle a bit and pull it together to continue her eye makeup.

“Anyway… I hope I figure out what to do.” She sighs.

“Have you told your dad?” You ask, moving on to her hair. 

“No,” she shakes her head. 

“Okay, I won’t say anything until you're ready to tell him yourself.” You smile at her from your reflection in the mirror. 

“Thanks, Mom,” she said with a slight grin. 

“Okay, you’ll have to give me a minute.” You walked to her night side table to get a tissue while she laughed in her vanity chair. 

*knock knock knock* 

“What’s going on in here?” Eddie walked in to see you crying and Violet Rose laughing. 

“She *sniffle* called *sniffle* me *sniffle* Mom.” The dam broke; you couldn’t help it. You had been overcome with so much love. 

“Oh, Angel, come here.” Eddie wrapped his arms around you. He smiled over your shoulder to VR and waved her over. You felt another pair of arms wrap around your shoulder from behind. 

“God, you Munsons are so mushy,” You spoke into Eddie's chest. Your body shook as the both of them giggled around you.

“Don’t tell anyone we have an image to uphold.” Eddie smiled.

“I don’t think anyone is going to be calling you a bad boy after that magazine cover” VR cackled. 

“You’re on thin ice missy, I can make you stay home.” Eddie threatened. 

“Oh baby you can’t do that! We put in hours of work!” You patted your tear-stained cheeks. 

“Fine, I can’t say no to you.” he kissed the tip of your nose.

“OK, people, I have one hour left. I need my hair finished!” She rushed back to the straightening iron. 

“Okay okay” You laughed. “Let’s get you picture perfect.” 

🎸𖤐𝄞💿𓆩🎧𓆪 🎸𖤐𝄞💿

Eddie had it all planned out for months. He had consulted Violet Rose on proposal ideas. She suggested a pamper day.  He was taking you on a lovely day out, and you were getting a maternity massage, then getting your nails and hair done. Then he would take you shopping if you weren’t too tired before he took you home to cook a nice dinner. After dinner, he would pop the question.

Violet Rose planned a sleepover so you could have the house to yourself. She didn’t want a repeat of the last time she heard about your extracurricular activities. 

When Eddie told you of your plans today, he wasn’t surprised at your shocked reaction. You were seven months pregnant, and he told you it was because you’d been working so hard to finish your album. The release date was pushed back because you felt the songs weren’t working. Eddie told you that the stress wasn’t good for the baby and you needed a day for yourself.

Eddie went with you to every appointment. He also got himself a massage while you had yours. He sat and waited for you while your nails and hair were done without a peep. 

You told him you would go shopping another day; your feet were swollen and still bothering you. You went home and took a nap, and when you woke up, Eddie had placed your favourite slippers by the bed so you didn’t have to step on the cold floor. He also placed your favourite maternity dress out for you next to a note that said to get ready for your date.

You could smell something delicious from the kitchen when you stepped out of the bedroom. As you rounded the corner, you saw a candle-lit dinner ready and plated waiting for you. 

“Baby, what’s this?” You ask, seeing Edie put the final touches on the table.  Eddie turned and smiled. Fuck he looked so good tonight. Eddie was also dressed up. He wore the same black silk shit he wore the first time the two of you met, paired with a nice pair of black dress pants and a classic understated black belt. 

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Eddie greeted you with a kiss.

“You try growing a person and see how tired you get,” You giggle, walking towards your chair. 

Eddie steps over to pull it out for you. Forever your gentleman. 

“Thank you, baby. What's all this?” You asked as he scooted you in. 

“Can’t a man take care of his perfect, beautiful woman?” He smirks. 

“What did you do?” You ask. He is being suspicious. 

“Now, why would I have had to do something to treat the woman I love?” He raises his brow to you. 

“Don’t know? I feel like you’re doing so much for me today; I’m surprised.” You take a sip of the water he poured you. 

“Well, the night is still young, cheers.” Eddie held up his glass. 

Eddie pulled you out to the yard for fresh air after your meal. The backyard was decked out in what seemed to be hundreds of twinkle lights. There was a gazebo in the back by the pond that you liked to read in. He led you towards it and saw it covered in plush blankets and pillows. 

“Eddie, what’s all this?” You whispered in amazement. Eddie had a team come in and set everything up while the two of you were running your errands.

“Come,” he held your hand as he helped you up the steps. 

“Angel…” Eddie took a deep breath.

“Yes?” You looked up at him, and he swore your eyes twinkled. 

“I have loved you from the moment you flirted with me at your show. I never knew someone could make me feel this way, and honestly, I didn’t believe in love because I had never found it until I met you. I never want to lose you again.  You are the light of my life, my everything. You own my soul. I never have and never will stop loving you.” He knelt down on one knee. 

Your hand flew up to your mouth when he pulled out the ring you found a few months ago.

“Will you spend the rest of forever with me?” 

Your hands shook as he pulled the ring out of the box and slid it up your finger. 

“See, it was always meant for you. I just got it a little too early,” he smirked. 

You crouch over as much as you can with your belly and pull him in for a deep kiss.

“So, is that a yes?” Eddie pulled away.  

“You’re sure you want this baby? You want me forever? Us forever?” You cupped your lower stomach. 

“Of course, baby, I’ve wanted you forever.” he cupped your face with both hands. 

“So?” 

“Yes, Eddie, I’ll marry you,” you smile. 

Eddie let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

“You sure you wanna be stuck with me forever?” Eddie chuckled. 

“Yes” you cupped your hands over his. 

“Good, because I’m never letting you go ever again.” 

~end~

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[raincitygirl76]

I think what frustrated me most in season 3 about the August video plot being wrapped up in the first five minutes wasn’t that August was getting away with it, it was that S2 had specifically created a scenario where he couldn’t get away with it. It had laid groundwork for a plot in S3 that suddenly disappeared, with visible plot holes left behind.

In S1, I wasn’t surprised when August got away with filming and posting the video. Rich, well-connected sex offenders avoid prosecution and public exposure all the time. It felt unjust, particularly because the royal court were protecting a sex offender over his victim who was Kristina’s own child. But I understood exactly why Kristina and the royal court had made those choices, even though I didn’t like said choices. If the video plot had been left there, as it was at the end of 1.06, I wouldn’t have objected. August got away with it, of course he did. That’s just what happens.

But in season 2, the video plot gradually built to a crescendo where it became urgently relevant again and August seemed in genuine danger of prosecution and even prison (both Rickard and Rosh mentioned prison). We saw it from 2.01 onwards, when Wilhelm took every possible opportunity to inflict petty humiliations on August, since he’d been denied real justice.

We saw it in Marcus suddenly taking an interest in Simon. They’d obviously been acquaintances for years, with their moms being friends. And they’re two of the very few out gay boys in Bjardstad. But Marcus never approached Simon romantically until a few weeks after the video was released, and then he approached intensely.

We also saw the video plot building in 2.05 when Wilhelm finally revealed to Simon that August was the perpetrator, and Simon was furious Wilhelm had known this for so long and kept it to himself. Simon felt disgusted and betrayed that his fellow victim of the video had protected the perpetrator. And we saw the difference in attitude between Wilhelm and Simon. Wilhelm pragmatic and cynical, knowing the full machinery of the royal court would gear up to destroy Simon.

Simon determined to press charges and convinced he could somehow hold August to account in spite of the royal court. And the conflict where Simon directly accuses Wilhelm of keeping secrets claiming to protect him, but really protecting himself. And Wilhelm later echoes that accusation in the jubilee speech, although I’m getting ahead of myself.

As of 2.05, on my first watch back in November 2022, I still assumed August would continue to get away with it. August had money and influence, Simon had neither. I already knew how these things so often go in real life. Also, August had Sara, warning him in advance that Simon knew and was planning to press charges. As of the end of 2.05, Simon was planning to go to the police and Wilhelm was doing nothing to warn August or the royal court. I was compelled, but I was also distracted by the curtains scene.

At the beginning of 2.06, we saw August’s desperation, him reaching out to Jan-Olof, and Jan-Olof’s indifference. We could see August starting to panic like a rat in a trap, seeing long delayed justice approaching him. And then August invited Alexander into his room and made his proposal. The rat was no longer panicking, he was fighting back with every weapon at his disposal.

In 2.06, when August and Alexander met Wilhelm at the Society’s party venue, Wilhelm was the one panicking, August had his fear under control again. He used the full force of his personality, and of Alexander’s desire for revenge against Wilhelm, to assure Wilhelm that no matter what he and Simon did, August would slide away from the mess, reputation intact. And Simon would be the one in trouble with the police. A smug August wass back on top of the world, with his twin schemes to discredit Simon and blame Alexander whirring along beautifully.

And then we had the shooting range scene, where devastating secrets came out. In the aftermath, Simon accepted that he couldn’t seek justice from the police without implicating himself for the drugs. For the second time, August had gotten away with his crime. But I was full of questions anyway.

Had August overreached himself by admitting his crime to Alexander? Yeah, Alexander hated Wilhelm, but his arrangement with August wass built on mutual convenience, not loyalty to August. A big question mark for Season 3. Also, nobody at the royal court actually liked August, he was just next in line. If word got out to the media and the public that August was the perpetrator, Kristina & Co. would likely throw him overboard without a second thought.

So throughout 2.06, my mind was awhirl with possibilities. Yes, technically, August seemed to have gotten away with it for a second time, but the video plot had been building since 2.01. I was starting to wonder if August might actually go down for his crime finally. And then Sara pulled out her cell phone and called the police to report a crime, and I yelped so loudly at the TV I scared the cat.

Finally, the crucial payoff for six episodes of build-up. Finally, the police had been involved, and soon after them, I was sure the media would get wind of it. It seemed like the perfect climax to the season, setting up a riveting conflict for S3.

As of the end of 2.06, I wasn’t really expecting August to go to prison for the video, even though both Rosh and Rickard hinted that could happen (earlier in S2). But I was expecting August to be arrested, and probably even charged. I expected the royal court to interfere somewhere along the way and use behind the scenes influence to get the charges dropped. Probably as part of a quid pro quo with August whereby he’d take sole blame for the video. Thus protecting the royal court from the public finding out they had already known it was August.

But I was also expecting the media and the public to be all over August. Once the police were involved (and we’d seen Sara involve them), it seemed impossible to keep it quiet any longer. I was anticipating a scenario where August technically got away with it, but his precious reputation was ruined. And the public was repelled at the idea of making August Wilhelm’s backup. That seemed to be what Lisa was building towards throughout S2. She built up those expectations with every strand of plot laid out in S2.

And then S3 opened with a civil settlement, an NDA, and the police no longer interested. Meaning August had gotten away with it for a third time, even after all the building blocks from S2 that he had finally run out of ways to evade justice. And then it never got mentioned again. Neither was Arnas mentioned, which August presumably had to sell to pay off Simon and Wilhelm.

It all just went away in the first five minutes. All that buildup from S2, wasted. So that is why I disliked the settlement story. Because Lisa spent all of S2 telling one story, then suddenly changed her mind after she’d already laid out all the ground work, reversed, and decided to tell a completely different, much less interesting story.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. All but one of these are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching! Yes, even the ones I'm not loving! We need to encourage these Japanese studios to keep giving us access to their content. Changing up the order this week so as not to lead on a bum note (we can end on one, instead:)).

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka

When we left off with Kazuyo’s confession last week, I said this: “Kazuyo is such a sweetheart that I really hope she'll stick around rooting for this pair once she inevitably gets let down gently.” And we got all that and more this week, because this show is my perfect angel that has never done anything wrong in its life. I love that Kazuyo is not only at peace with Sakae’s feelings for Soga, but very enthusiastically supportive of his pursuit. I love this friendship, and I love that we’re spending real time on Kazuyo’s feelings in the aftermath of this rejection. And we continue to see bits of the past relationships that have been weighing on Sakae and Soga. This show really cares about its characters and it shows. Sakae’s confession at the end of this episode was another great moment of grace and kindness and I’m looking forward to Soga’s response once he has a chance to process alongside some healthy jealousy as Sakae’s ex returns.

Perfect Propose

The first two episodes of this new jbl dropped today, and I loved it. Overworked young salaryman, Hiro, is falling apart. His childhood friend, Kai, finds him lying exhausted on the street and invites himself to move in to take care of him. Kai explicitly declared 1) that he is gay and 2) that he considers himself Hiro’s fiancé within the first five minutes, and helped Hiro get off so he could sleep properly in the first episode. This drama really said eat real food, have a nice orgasm, and get a good night’s sleep and you will be happy, and it seems to be building to some themes about the harm caused by the culture of overworking. I support this message!

Ossan's Love Returns

...where to even begin. This "honeymoon" episode was bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I went from crying to laughing hysterically to gasping to staring in mute horror at my screen to laughing to crying again. This show is so good at keeping these characters grounded in authentic emotion even as their behavior spins far out of the realm of how real people behave. It's a minor miracle that I can be gaping at Maki in disbelief and then bursting into tears two seconds later because of one perfectly executed line. I don't even want to talk about what specifically happened in this episode, I just want you to go watch it.

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK, BABY!!! I got my hot little hands on the first four episodes of this excellent second season and let me tell you, the joy I felt to see Yuki and Kasuga again! I love that we came back to find out the gals have been eating like queens and blowing the budget. Plus, there's a new baby lesbian in the building! This season is really delving into Yuki's exploration of her sexuality, and the show is handling it with the expected gentle grace. I am enjoying the journey and putting on my patient pants to settle in for a long wait before these two actually officially get together.

Chaser Game W

This was a rougher week for this show, in that the pacing felt very jerky as the story suddenly executed a rapid turn in the romance that did not really work. The backstory reveal was weak (very poorly motivated noble idiocy), Itsuki's casual decision to start caring for Fuyu's child at the expense of her own life and Fuyu's decision to let her was under-explored, the messages about the importance of these women's work was decidedly mixed, and the sudden love confessions straight to sex didn't get proper build up. Add Fuyu continuing to be a violent drunk who treats Itsuki like shit, and it's hard to root for this pair--I am not really invested in the romance. This show is clearly going somewhere with its commentary on gender roles as it relates to Fuyu's behavior, and I hope wherever it is will feel worth it.

Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun

This show ended this week, and I pretty much hated it, but I will always love Toki despite the mess this show made of his story. We have one more show coming from Drama Shower for the season, and I sincerely hope we can end on a good note with this project.

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

https://www.tumblr.com/sizzlingpatrolfox/758487328999243776/so-was-jimin-supposed-to-go-after-him-always?source=share

Have you ever had that type of friend where you feel like you're the one carrying the friendship and the moment you stop trying you and this friend wouldn't see each other anymore? Jimin saying that if he didn't go to the US when he did the show wouldn't have happened doesn't surprise me. Remember the whole dance video thing last year and how Jungkook acted like the other members wouldn't want to do it with him when we all know they would've if he just asked?

I think he's that type of person that never initiates anything, he's just always waiting for other people to start things for him. I mean, he's even like that with his carrer. The fact that as early as beginning of 2022 Jimin was already working on his album, but a whole year after that by the beginning of 2023 and Jungkook still didn't seem to have any plans. If it wasn't for SB he wouldn't even have released an album.

I was thinking that I don't know how Jimin has the patience for him then I remembered my younger sibling is the same way where I always have to be the one to seek them out. So I get it Jimin, is that older sibling life. Which is fine when it's your sibling, but if this was my boyfriend there's no way I would let that shit slide. And that really sums up their relationship to me: Mostly fine for a friendship but shitty for a romantic relationship.

You've made several points.. especially the one about the dance challenges which I hadn't thought about now these days, but I remember that when he said that I wrote about how he was obviously lying and he didn't even ask the members to make a video with him. He just didn't ask them, the way I'm 10000% sure he never texted Jimin personally, or "formally" invited him over. I mean, not while he was on live.

The night JK went live and fell asleep with the camera on he said he didn't have anything to do the next day. If I recall correctly it was the same night he went to the theatre with wooga, then went back home and passed out drunk.

That same night Jimin was posting Instagram stories from his home, watching Hoseok and Yoongi videos. If I recall correctly, the next day he went to visit Jin with Hoseok. Later, he said they'd gone to see him because both him and Hoseok had that day off.

If you're in touch with someone you'd know if not only one but two of people who are supposedly close to you are going to meet another friend. He could've gone visit Jin as well.

People think all that started in March 2023 when it had been happening since long before. August 2022, Jimin spent like three weeks in the USA? Then he flew back to Korea and that same night, Jungkook was out eating with some people. So for the people who think they're dating, Jimin's away for like a month and his boyfriend doesn't get dinner with him when he arrives? Before world cup openings ceremony too, Jungkook went bowling with Taehyung. Around those same days they were together at the paradise hotel.

So Jungkook has time to hook up with women at his home, but not to grab dinner with Jimin?

I really can't fathom the level of self deception those who believe they're boyfriends must be putting themselves through. It's not 2+2 at this point, it's 2+2+2+2+2+2 like. There are so many factors.

I also found these posts, I took screenshots because I have to click everywhere on my phone to add the link and this is easier. But these are from March 3rd 2023.

I also remember briefly bringing up Tom Holland and Zendaya, you know, a real couple. And how they were seen together more times than jikook were seen together in two years, and Tom and Zendaya don't even live in the same continent lol. I think I got some anons trying to lecture ME on queer people and how to live like a queer person in a gay relationship, compared to disgusting heteros like tomdaya.

Anyways. I really don't think I'll reply to more asks about this because it's so repetitive. There really isn't much to say. They aren't dating each other, they're just very dear friends, obviously.

Finally.. Does anyone have the screenshot of Hoseok's ig story on his birthday last year? I'm almost scared I might've dreamed it because I can't find it anywhere but I'm sure he posted a picture of a cake or flowers? and tagged Jimin, as if Jimin had brought those to him the night of his birthday, after the live in the company.

[letswrites]

LN- All roads lead to you

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Masterlist

----------------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: contain smut!!

Chapter 5- Abu Dhabi

Yas Marina Circuit, Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates (GST- UTC/GMT +4).

7:05 PM

As soon as the race ended, Lando turned off the engine of his car and turned on his own engine. There was no time left to congratulate Max or console Lewis. "Lando! Where are you going?" Charlotte shouted running after him "I have to go back to my hotel room" "What?! Why?!" "I must get on a plane in 50 minutes!" "He shouted back "You have what?! Lando, can you please wait for me?" he stopped to wait for her "Thanks" he started walking again "What do you mean by catching a plane?" "I am going to Santorini" "It's the last race you don't need to anticipate holidays" "I do have" "And can I know why?" "If I don't catch this plane, I won't be in Greece till today" "Why do you need to be in Greece that night?" "So she will not sleep with the Italian hot lad" "What?! Who?" "A girl who I used to go out with" "What's about her?" "I can't let her sleep with him" he said taking his racing suit off, she turned her back "She used to be your girlfriend?' "No" "So what do you have to do with her sexual life?" he stopped for a minute "Cause she was supposed to be with me" Charlotte felt his feelings "Lando…" "It's my fault" he continued to dress his regular clothes "She tried to take me out last week and I made up a ridiculous excuse" he finished dressing "Now I have to fix it" She turned to face him "I see that you have feelings for her, but…" he touched her shoulder "no Charlie, I just need to have her. Otherwise, I will drive insane" She took his hand off her shoulder, such a womanizer "... But, I can't let you" "I am going anyway" "Lando!" "Charlotte!" She breathed deeply "Please don't make anything ridiculous" he hugged her "Love you" "Love you too" and he ran to catch his plane.

//

5 and a half hours later

Santorini, Greece:

11:26 PM (EEST- UTC/GMT+3)

She looked bright in that golden party dress, even tho it was just a detail cause that night in Italy when she was wearing a rock band tee and ripped jeans shorts was proof she looked bright in every way.

She had a glass in her hands, probably not beer and definitely not zero alcohol cause she was gigglier than usual. For the first time since he had that idea, he froze, without being able to move his feet. What if it was a mistake? What if he would ruin her night? Nah. He couldn't think like that, it would be ridiculous and he promised Charlotte no ridiculous things. Also, once back to Woking, the lecturing for leaving at the end of the race would be unpleasantly waiting for him. And somehow she invited him, with those daring words 'if you were there'. He wasn't sure if it was an invitation or a challenge but he was about to do it anyway, no matter which was her real intention. Anyhow, he was there and she wouldn't have sex with the Italian model if he was there, right? Right! Or at least he hoped...

Even so, he didn't want to lose it, lose his time, lose his job, make Charlotte lose hers, had emitted tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere for no reason, he needed to be sure it all wasn't going to be in vain. So he decided to call her and see how things went. Actually, he should have called her before catching a plane to Greece, but it was already done, so fuck it.

He took a deep breath, tapped her name on contacts, and clicked on it, waiting anxiously for her to pick. To be fair, looking at her staring hesitantly at her phone, unsure of what she should do, made him even more anxious. But not as anxious as when she decided to pick up. So anxious he remained in silence for a few seconds "Hello?" he cleaned his throat, his voice sounding a bit different from usual "Hey..." "Is everything alright?" "Yeah! I... hum, just need you to do something for me" she sighed "Hi, Lando, how are you? It's nice to talk with you too" he sighed embarrassed, already blushing "Sorry... Hi, beautiful, how are you?" "Too late Lando, what do you need me to do?" "Don't sleep with the guy" she sniffed putting her drink down "Lando..." "Listen to me" she sighed, leaning on the bar counter consenting him the word "Go ahead" "I made a mistake" he continued "I agreed it all was done with you, but I am not a quitter, I am persistent, I work hard and I never stop until I achieve my goal, plus I hate to lose and I won't let you sleep with the other guy" he made a pause to accumulate some guts "I like you. And I want you and if missing all the last race of the year interviews and other stuff to tell you this isn't enough for you, just tell me what's and I will do it" "Did you miss all the interviews just for calling me?" Fuck, Lando! You and your big mouth "Hum... yeah!" "Why? I mean couldn't you just wait till it ended?" "No, I had... I have to know you're not with him when you're supposed to be with me" She chewed her inner cheek "You turned down my invitation the other day!" "I know but…" It has no 'but' she was right. He lost again and put his ass on the line for absolutely nothing, because he didn't have any morals and... she took a deep breath and admitted "You're enough already" Wow! shot-right-in-the-heart. "So why you're being so harsh?" "Because... I saw this movie over and over, and it always has the same end: you guys say those beautiful things, my heart melts, I feel bad for seeing you humiliating yourselves over me and I bend up. And as soon as you have an orgasm, the cursing is over, Guys like you get out of trance and fall back to reality. And guess what? They remember about the girl who is in fact special to them and, damn, I don't like it, fuck! I want to be enough for you as much as you are for me. And not only sexually, do you understand me?" he felt bad for her, it wasn't right to be treated like that and he knew it. Oh, he knew it "Just please don't sleep with him" "I…" " I promise we will talk about it all next time we meet" She took a pause to breathe deeply, he didn't dare to look at her, scared of seeing her expression, how much pain he was causing her " "Okay" she gave up. He smiled "Okay" he repeated softly, she was overwhelmed of course and she wanted to cry, he could tell due to her breath sound, so he aligned his shirt's collar and walked towards her.

Apart from the butterflies throwing a party in his stomach, he felt good and confident. His clothes were nice and he tried as much as he could not think about how screwed he would be if it didn't work, but he remained strong, touching her shoulder softly "Don't cry" he demanded, she turned around confused, taking her phone away from her ear, she couldn't believe "Lando…" "Hi!" he smiled "Hold those tears back, miss" he said calmly ending the phone call and rubbing a tear drop from her face, leaving glitter on his thumb "How... What are you doing here?" "I came here to do it" he pulled her for a hug, a strong, full of feelings hug "I am sorry" he whispered against her skin "You came here to hug me?" he pulled his face back just to look at her, still in shock "Yeah" he affirmed, confident. She smiled "And this" he pulled her to a kiss, an intense kiss, that made her relax for the first time since she started to drink thinking about the McLaren's driver; "Take me out of here" she muttered against his lips "Okay" he took her hand and guided the big mess he made her become away from the bar, away from the crowd, and mainly away from the good looking Italian guy, to where they could be only the two of them, to where she didn't have to hide the amazing person she was and fake to be another one, where she could eat pizza and watch k-dramas in comfortable clothes, where he could sleep like a baby, laid on her full-of-pizza belly after 3 months of zero quality sleep and jet lag effect.

He was so lost in those good memories that he didn't even notice the rushed pace he got, she giggled "Wait, wait, wait" bringing him back to reality "What's wrong?" she took her golden Jimmy Cho high heels off and he noticed how much he liked her small stature, smiling at her "What are you doing?" "Now I can follow your pace" "Sorry" "No, is fine. I love to have my bare feet" he looked at her small, princess feet on the stone stairs 'so adorable' "In this case, you're welcome" she giggled 'Fuck! He was crushed on a freaking smurf' "All good?" "All good" "So let's go" he bounced the stairs down, with her glued on him, tugging them to the hotel elevator, where he kissed her again.

...

In the hotel room, where they ripped off each other's clothes, the moonlight was the only flash of light coming from the half-open window. She had her back laid on the mattress, her hips widely open, knees parted at its extreme, with his athletic body between her thighs, filling her cervix with himself. The sound of "Lan..." she let slip from her lips, without being able to finish, still unsure if due to the cutting hard breath or the sudden electricity sparkling inside her core every time he moved, even for a millimeter, or breathed, or made a sound, or sweated, or looked at her, anything.

She moaned slowly, in a low tone, more like a whine, she wanted to pay more attention to the sounds they made together, the sounds coming from him. Suddenly the forearms on each side of her frame flexed up, his weight concentrated on his palms, his sweaty, still firm tho, hands slid down and had a strong, soft grip on her ribs, lifting half of her body, lowering half of his till he got sit with her on his lap. They didn't need to say it loud out, it felt like a performance they presented too many times already. She started to move her hips, knees working, flexing up and down, hips making circles, rubbing her body up and down his abdomen. Her messy bun tight on the top of her head will get stuck in his mind for the following weeks. He placed a hand on it and undone her hair, throwing the elastic away from the bed, she shook her hair, making it slide down to her neck and shoulders. He looked into his eyes, which have been avoiding during the whole time they were inside that room, and she looked back, regretting instantly, cause his eyes told her earlier about luxury and then were talking about pleasure, both things which shouldn't exist between them in her perception.

She slowed the pace of the riding, forcing him to say or do something. "Faster" he said among the heavy breaths. She dried a few sweat drops on his face "I don't want to" he looked into her eyes again "What do you want, then?" "You to do something about it". Sadic, he thought "Fine" he took himself out of her and turned her hips 180 degrees suddenly, placing her belly on the mattress. He placed one knee on each side of her legs and slightly pressed her body against the sheets, getting inside of her again. The bed muffled her sounds, so he bent forward to ask, low and sexy on her ear "Hands and knees, princess. I want to hear you" She smirked and obeyed his demand, becoming scandalous when he started the thrustings. She didn't need to fake it, she felt it all, out loud, to everyone who wanted to listen, but doing it for him to listen only, that was the important thing, the reason why. He pulled her body up to him, moaning on her ear, thrusting roughly. She placed one hand on his nape and pulled his hair as she felt the explosion before they cum on each other.

...

Later:

They were laid on the bed having pillow talk

"I think you are more than enough" "Really?" "If I didn't why would I come here against my superior's orders at the last race of the year? I could find sex in anyone else but you are the only you" She raised an eyebrow "What about Dubai?" Freaking Katerina "How do you know about it?" "It was all over socials" She was right "Anyway, didn't you hear the 'against my superiors orders' and 'at the end of the calendar' part?" she chuckled "Okay" "You look adorable when you are drunk" "Slightly tipsy" "Slightly tipsy?" "Uhum" "Sure" he muttered caressing her hair "Lewis says that's my automatic answer for when someone asks me if I'm drunk" "You and Lewis are good friends aren't you?" He asked casually "Yeah" she answered indifferently, enjoying the hair caressing "He knows how to value a friendship. Maybe..." she yawned "Maybe I can have the same thoughts about you someday. Except that I don't want to be friends only" he smiled "I know that you will" "I hope..." Then she fell asleep with the soft movements he was making on her hair. And while he watched her calm and soft expression he found himself desperate and anxious. He stopped the caressing slowly, taking a lot of caution for not waking her up. Then he stepped out of the bed to grab his phone and left for the hotel lobby. Wearing his beige shorts, hotel flip-flops, and his unbuttoned white shirt. A few people looked at him on his way to the elevator, whispering and giggling to each other but he didn't care, he was too angst for it.

...

Carlos was sleeping deeply. The snorting denounced him. Nothing could break that majestic oneiric experience. Nothing except his old teammate. He struggled to open his eyes and when he finally did he picked up the phone, angry "Qué putas horas crees que son aquí? (what fucking hours do you think is here?)" "What!? No, Carlos, that's not time for Spanish classes" the Spanish man looked at the clock on his side table "That's right. It's 3 in the morning! It's no time for speaking Spanish or any language at all. It's time for fucking sleeping!" "I know, I know, but..." "What?!" "I am panicking" Carlos sat on his bed, concerned "What happened, bro?" "I... I hit on two girls at the same time" "Two only?" Carlos said indifferent as he was used to that behavior of Lando "Well, it had a few more. But those two especially" "What's new about it?" "I think I have feelings for them both" "Hum, that's new. You are never in love with anyone..." "I haven't said this word!" Carlos continued as he never was interrupted "... And now you are in love with two simultaneously" Lando rolled his eyes "Yeah..." "That's why you are panicking?" "I don't know what to do" "Pick one" "Isn't that simple" "Which of them do you like the most?" "How am I supposed to know?!" "Which of them do you think is more interesting?" "They both are interesting" "The prettiest?" "They both are pretty. And hot" "Which one do you like to spend more time with?" "I don't know! I... Carlos, stop asking questions! I don't know the answers!" "Right. Which of them would you put your hand on fire for?" "None. I choose my hand" "Not literally, stupid. I mean take risks, do stupid things, ruin your career for, I don't know, something like that..." Finally a good question. He knew for which one he had done all of those things already "That one I know the answer" "Do you really?" Carlos asked surprised "Yes. Thanks for your help, man. It was very useful" "You're welcome?" "Have a good night. Bye" "Bye..." Carlos didn't think that he was very useful. In fact, if he was the one receiving the advice he gave to Lando he would only get more confused "Bueno. Ahora puedo volver a mío sueño (Good. Now I can back to my dream)".

...

Lando entered the room trying not to wake her up. He stood there watching the serenity of her sleep. He would kill for sleeping like that. The door didn't wake her up but his loud thoughts did. She opened her eyes slightly before sitting on the bed. She rubbed her eyes, sleepy "What's up?" "I..." He approached the bed sitting at the side next to hers "I had Carlos on the phone" he pointed to his iPhone "At 3am?" "Yeah" "Is everything okay?" He took a deep breath "No" she tried to touch his hand but he retreated "What's wrong?" "I can't go out with you anymore" Her bright faded away, as she was made of sugar and his words were water.  He was ready for her screaming with him and throwing the whole hotel room in his head, but she just chuckled, sarcastic, bitter "Why it doesn't impress me?" "Look... I just can't" "You just can't" She shook her head, turning her back to him "I should have never slept with you" She walked away from him, and he followed "Wait..." "Why? Why did you come till here and look for trouble if you knew it would hurt me? I let it very clear I couldn't handle this right now" "Because I couldn't let you sleep with the good looking Italian!" she hit him with the pillow softly "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? IS THIS A COMPETITION NOW!?" "I haven't said that" "Unfortunately I like you not him, idiot. My life would be a lot easier if I had a crush on Giaro, not on you" and he knew it was true it was written on her wavy eyes "I..."  she waited for him to say something, at least try to fix the chaos he started, but nothing came, he just didn't know what to say. She threw herself on the sofa and covered her face with the pillow "If that's all, please leave my hotel room" "I..." "Just leave now and never talk to me again, yes?" he tried again "Please don't be mad at me" she looked at him "I can't believe you!" "Please..." "Get out!" She got into the bathroom and closed the door. He was about to try to talk with her, say sorry for what he'd done, but a text popped on his phone screen. It wasn't the boss, Charlotte, Carlos, Max, or Daniel, but was her. The other her 

'Missing you'

That was what the text said. He grabbed his stuff from the bedroom floor, his phone and wallet, wore his white Nike airs, and as fast as he got there, he was out. The text was a coincidence only. He had already made up his mind at the hotel lobby. He promised Charlotte not to do stupid things but unfortunately, he let her down "It's better Charlie doesn't find out" he thought.

---------------------------------------------------------

Taglist:

@cmleitora

[versegm]

Gudacas fake dating au. While running from the cops, Castoria pulls the first random schmuck she can find and claims to be on a date with them, so no officer she totally had an alibi she's not an arsonist thank you. The stranger goes along with it, which, neat, but really surprisingly afterwards the stranger actually takes her on a date. And in general acts exactly as if they'd been dating for real- pulling her in their arms, asking saying shit like "aw babe i'm sorry i hope the officer didn't scare you too much :< here let's get you some food you'll feel better."

After a bit Castoria realized that the stranger 1) is part of a sizeable polycule (they constantly talk about other people they're dating like "oh you know during my date with Musashi she mentioned this place, we should eat there!") and 2) is completely face blind (struggled to recognize which waiter was the one who'd taken their order even tho there was a grand total of two waiters) so naturally she comes to the conclusion that this stranger mistook her for one of their gfs. It's painfully awkward but also man it's her first positive human interaction in weeks AND she's having fun AND she's getting free food, can you really blame her for sticking around?

Six hours later it's now getting late and the stranger invites her home. Which is a perfectly normal thing to ask your gf but for Castoria it's certainly a first. She's homeless tho and has been freeloading in a barn so like... what's the harm in saying yes? If they try to kiss her or anything she'll just say she's not in the mood, they've been perfectly pleasant so far surely she can sleep on a real bed for once right?

It's now night outside and she just had the biggest dinner in her life. She's feeling sleepy but still counting the emergency exists. The stranger is getting started on the dishes when they turn to her and say "oh by the way, my name is Ritsuka Fujimaru. I don't think I ever introduced myself?"

As it turns out, Ritsuka did mistake Castoria for one their girlfriends... for a grand total of five minutes. Because even if they can't tell faces apart Castoria is five feet tall and has the personality of a wild ferret. It's just that Castoria ran into the only weirdo in town who would be used to fool the cops and then immediately think "man this girl seems to be having a really bad day tho. I'll take her to the aquarium that'll cheer her up." The handholding and pet names and all was because Ritsuka is legit just Like That.

[soleilceirinen]

Renaissance | Cillian Murphy x Reader - Part 2

Summary: you are an Art History student in your last year at university. Cillian is your teacher. Note: in this story Cillian is about 20 years older than the reader. Everything happens in an alternative universe where he is not an actor or famous, he doesn't have a wife or kids like in real life. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistake! Warning: mentions of blood. Part 1 - Cillian Murphy Masterlist - Part 3

It was an unofficial tradition at your university that every year during the first week of class, the students would go to pubs together in order to get to know people. That way someone in their first year could meet people from other years or other degrees and make new friends easily. Sometimes even the teachers would go. 

Since it was your last year, you didn’t feel like going, you already knew how it was and how it would probably end: with someone throwing up. Your friends had been insisting the whole week leaving you with no option but to accept to go, at least for a while. 

You were late. Your flatmate Brad had been using the shower for what seemed like hours and now your friends were waiting for you at the front door of the pub. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight of them, Valerie and Olivia. Valerie was studying chemical engineering and sometimes could say hurtful comments in regards to Olivia and your own career choices, both related to the art world. Olivia studied fine arts.

Nevertheless, the three of you hugged each other, almost falling to the ground. 

Once inside the pub, you followed your friends to the bar to order your drinks. Olivia insisted on inviting a round of shots to celebrate. When Valerie asked what you were celebrating she just blushed and giggled. She has met another guy, you thought. 

Each minute the pub was getting more and more crowded, as well as suffocating. You looked around the sea of faces that changed color when the lights shined on them in a futile attempt to recognize someone.

Olivia pushed you to the bar to order another drink while you waited next to her. A thin boy got too close to you making you feel rather uncomfortable, so you glanced at him with an expression that said put that hand closer to me again and you lose it. The guy seemed to understand and gave you and your friend an apologetic gesture. Before turning back to Olivia you thought you saw a pair of blue eyes, but a second later they were gone. 

“Let’s go to the toilet, I need to pee!” screamed Olivia. 

You nodded and pushed her in said direction. After queuing for approximately fifteen minutes it was her turn. You reached for her drink. 

“Give it to me while you go”.

“Nooo, it’s miiine!” She was clearly too drunk, so you tried to take the glass from her hand before she could spill it over someone. In the middle of your little tussle the glass and its contents fell to the ground, causing it to shatter and the sticky liquid to splash all over your legs and shoes. 

“Fuck”.

Before you could react, Olivia was bent down picking up pieces of broken glass. She let out a surprised scream and put her hand in front of your face, showing you a large cut which was bleeding too much for your liking. Let’s say that you didn’t like blood, it made you feel sick. 

“Fuck” you repeated, looking away. 

With shaky hands you grabbed your friend and left the restroom, heading to the last place where you saw Valerie. Leaving the two girls together, you rushed to the bar pushing through the dancing bodies to ask the bartender for some napkins . Yor turned around, trying to locate your friends but it seemed that they had vanished. 

Once, you had read that if you are looking for someone in a very crowded place the key to find them was to remain in the same spot. And so you did, but a few minutes later you thought that you might look quite ridiculous, standing in the middle of the pub like a statue, with a handful of napkins. So you decided to call them but none of them answered their phones. When another person pushed you, you decided that it was time to get some fresh air. 

The back door of the pub was almost as crowded as the inside, with groups of young people smoking. You tried calling again until Valerie answered.

“Where are you?” you asked looking around like a lost child “I can’t find you”.

“ We left. I just dropped Olivia off at her house”. 

You remained silent for a moment. “You could have waited for me, don’t you think?”

“Whatever you say, you disappeared..."

"I was looking for something for Olivia's cut!"

Valerie sighed exaggeratedly at the other end of the call. "Y/n, please, stop being so dramatic. Bye.” And she hung up.

You were looking at your phone as if the device had offended you in a terrible way. “I can’t believe it” you whispered. 

A hand on your shoulder almost made you jump. You turned around ready to fight another unpleasant guy but instead, you found yourself looking into a pair of blue eyes.  

“Are you alright?” asked Mr. Murphy. No. It’s Cillian. Just Cillian, you reminded yourself. 

“I’m grand” you answered through gritted teeth. 

“You don’t look like it, actually, you look rather pale…”

A group of people left the pub laughing loudly. They seemed to be having fun, good for them.

Cillian put a hand on the small of your back to guide you in the direction of a park a few meters away from the back of the pub. You could feel the warmth of his hand though the thin fabric of your blouse, making you nervous. It wasn’t like you weren’t used to being touched by others, but feeling something was new.

He made you sit on a bench and then he sat next to you with the fabric of his jeans brushing against your bare leg. A leg which was algo very sticky thanks to Olivia’s clumsiness, or drunkenness. Thinking of the incident made you recollect the blood and you felt a wave of nausea that you tried to keep under control by taking deep breaths.

“What are those for?” asked Cillian when he realized you wouldn’t say anything. You followed his gaze to the napkins clutched in your fist. 

“Oh, these were for my friend Olivia, she cut her hand with a broken glass and was bleeding pretty badly.”

Cillian seemed concerned. “Is she okay?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I think so.”

He looked at you, raising an eyebrow and made a little gesture for you to continue explaining it. 

“Valerie, another friend of ours, took her home while I was looking for something to stop her bleeding. I just wish they could have waited for me, you know?”

You saw from the corner of your eye that he was nodding in agreement. 

Suddenly, you couldn’t contain the nausea any longer and felt the urge to lean forward in order to empty all the contents of your stomach onto the asphalt. Cillian reached out to hold your hair out of your face. When you were done, you wiped the corners of your mouth with the napkins while he caressed your back in circular motions. 

“Are you feeling better?” he asked quietly, getting a little whimper as an answer.

You got up to throw the dirty napkins into a bin. When you got back to the bench Cillian had just finished talking to someone on the phone. He put the device back into his jean's pocket and got up.

“I’ve called a taxi,” he informed you. Great, you thought sarcastically, what an amazing impression you made on him, now he wants to run away. He frowned a bit. “I can tell the driver to drop you off at your house, if you want to, of course. Don’t feel obligated to accept but since your friends have left, I won't feel comfortable leaving you here alone.”

You tilted your head to the side, thinking. He was being nice to you, out of pity, maybe. After all, you were just in your twenties and he was a grown man in his middle forties. And he was also your teacher. It crossed your mind to refuse but the alternative was to walk for almost half an hour and you weren’t sure you could make it in your current condition. 

“Sure.”

You walked together to the main street to wait for the taxi, which didn’t take long to arrive. Cillian stepped forward to open the door for you and waited until you were settled in to sit next to you. The driver started driving after you told him your address, your house was closer than Cillian’s. 

During the whole drive you avoided looking at him, instead you watched the city through the window but you could feel his stare on you. The taxi stopped in front of your building and you took out your purse to pay but Cillian covered your hand with his to make you stop. 

“Don’t worry about it, y/n.”

“I like to pay for my stuff” you muttered.

“And it was my idea to call a taxi. Also you live on the way to my house, so no problem. Have a good night, y/n.” He said, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. You started to blush, at least it was dark and he couldn’t see you. 

“Thank you, Cillian. Have a good night too, see you at the university.” You said, grabbing the door handle. 

Almost without realizing it, you craned your neck and kissed him on the cheek. He smelled so good. After that, you got out of the car and walked quickly to your building door, there you saw the taxi drive away while you were trying to open the door. 

Once inside your flat, you registered what you had just done.

[driftwithme]

Where is my not romantic fic where Chuck and Mako join the recruitment at the same time just to find out Raleigh fucking Becket is one of their trainers.

Maybe Yancy got hurt earlier but didn't die and Raleigh got stuck on ground until they both recovered enough to pilot again??? Idk. Or maybe things were pretty good at that point and given the Becket success rate they were invited to take a brake and help train the new cadets, to pass along the experience to the future Mark-5 pilots.

In my mind it happens around 2019. Striker construction got delayed and Scott is not a criminal (or an asshole), so he's still piloting Lucky Seven with Herc. Chuck doesn't have to join at freaking 16 years old and Mako is there to play the rival part, simply because I'd enjoy greatly seeing their competitive sides fire up each other while Raleigh tries and fails to figure out what's going on.

Yancy is 24 years old, Raleigh is 21yo, Mako and Chuck are both 16yo but they'd graduate almoat with 17yo. Thry are the youngest duo to graduate at the Academy, beating Raleigh old record.

Now, 'cause I love the drama: Raleigh is there working with the Jaeger Assault Specialist instructor. In this scenario let's believe that the instructor saw the way the Beckets used improvisation to surprise attack the kaijus and convinced Pentecost to teach that too to the cadets. Somehow it worked. Pentecost is not very happy (he's pretty sure he'll have to deal with way more insubordination in the near future), but he can't deny the stats and maybe MAYBE feeling the way of the cadets in their hands would help the Beckets grow up and get their shit together.

He is both regretting it with all his will and thankful those fuckers did their job right as he watches Raleigh and Mako fall down from the sky after killing Otachi, but we're 6 years too fast.

Back at Jaeger Assault classes.

The thing is that both Mako and Chuck are kinda geniuses at that. Even from their first simulation. They were the only two to kill the respective kaiju in their first simulation. This is because 1) at this point they the rivalry is intense, 2) they're both nerds that spend the previous week watching jaeger fight videos to study the kaijus, 3) they grew up around three of the best pilots in the program.

Raleigh doesn't know any of it, of course. He hasn't meet Herc yet (Manila happens later in 2020 in this fic) and he has no way to know about Stacker history with Mako. Buuuut our loved Raleigh is a bit too blunt at this point in time, so he congratulates them, not without warning them about how that first win meant nothing in real life. So what if they are a bit ahead of the rest? Things would even out in no time. With a real kaiju you have no footage to study, no way to predict the movements of an algorithm. Impressive, but it's just the first day.

He doesn't say it in a mean way, of course. The accident that hurt Yancy changed his perception. He doesn't want the kids to get cocky like him and commit his same mistake. The instructor is actually very happy to see him talk like that and reinforces what he just said. The problem with this? He accidentally humiliated Mako and Chuck in front of the other cadets. Mako is upset and determined to prove is not only theory, but real skill and great decision making from her part. Chuck is another story; Raleigh is his enemy and he must destroy him. Aka he wants to humiliate Raleigh back and prove he is superior than any past pilot.

Bonus points is Raleigh is hella charming and equally soft in his puppy way, not at all the bragging rockstar everyone was expecting. Like yes, there's a bit of that, but he also sits with the cadets and answers their questions and makes them laugh. He tells them some embarrassing stories of him and Yancy to show them how even the active rangers have to deal with normal stuff. When he talks 'bout other pilots, he is respectuful yet sincere. He is a terrible flirt but so endearing. And he is handsome handsome, okay?

It's not a romantic fic so it leads nowhere, but Mako and Chuck have a bit starstruck even if they hate the man a little. Actually they both like Yancy the better as a friend or co-worker because he is a bit more mature. Whenever he visits Chuck and Mako almost glow with mischief. They love when Yancy makes his brother look childish, when he corrects him or makes him blush of embarrassment too.

If only Raleigh wouldn't laugh like an angel afterwards so they could enjoy their victory in peace.

Raleigh is not there for their final simulation or their graduation because Manila happens. Yancy is healthy, G. Danger is repaired and Raleigh is excited to show off all he learned training with the cadets. Scott gets badly hurt, enough to end his career, but he's alive. The Beckets made it again, Herc is grateful to no ends and while Herc appears around the bar for a while to celebrate with the rest of the teams, they talk about the possibility of not repairing Lucky Seven and straight up going for Striker with Chuck as the co-pilot.

The Beckets don't return to Kodiak Island after that. They got back to Anchorage and after some months, face Knifehead. If Yancy dies, rhen well... The story could be almost the same except everyone has history now. Or maybe Mako convinces Raleigh to stay now that they are more like friends and he keeps teaching at the Academy as Mako leads the G. Danger restoration program.

If Yancy doesn't die but he can't pilot again, the. maybe Mako joins the fight sooner with Raleigh while Yancy teaches cadets. Now, if Yancy doesn't die and can pilot, and if we say Scott can pilot too, then maybe we can get Mako and Chuck co-pilots of Striker.

It all depends.

[oswlld]

oswlld's monthly wrap up: february

note: i am trying something a bit different this year, so bear with me as i figure out how i want to format this. i wanted to spend more time sharing what i consume, beyond what i rb, and put my thoughts in one place. these posts are okay to rb

--

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, Taylor Jenkins Reid [started 02/04, finished 02/13] I recall an article calling out TJR as one of many authors that are pro-israel and haven’t seen anything that disputes the claim. I don’t have much to contribute to the conversation anyways, so I’ll pass on leaving a review. — After Dark, Haruki Murakami [started 02/06, finished 02/21] What I admire about what Murakami accomplished with After Dark was achieving the right level of simplicity to bring out the tense undertones in the magical realism. I also really enjoyed being invited to float with the story, almost breaking a fourth wall and interacting with the spaces. 4⭐️ in storygraph. — When We Cease to Understand the World, Benjamín Labatut [started 02/24, still in prog] I am only about 50 pages in and I am already ill. Too early to form an opinion, thus I’ll offer a snippet of the book description: “A fictional examination of the lives of real-life scientists and thinkers whose discoveries resulted in moral consequences beyond their imagining. When We Cease to Understand the World is a book about the complicated links between scientific and mathematical discovery, madness, and destruction.” Feels very timely reading this at the same time as watching Three-Body and then Oppenheimer in the next week or so.

High on the Hog: How African American Cuisine Transformed America, Netflix [started: 02/02, finished 02/07] WOW!! Wowowowowow. Wow. This needs to be a mandatory watch, even though we are at the end of Black History Month. It’s a well curated journey through the slave era to present day, from shores of Africa to all areas of the US. It’s so empowering and inspiring. Don’t wait until June or next year, please educate yourselves and open your heart to this show. — African Folktales Reimagined, Netflix [started 02/02, finished 02/08] I heard about this show through an article posted on Short of the Week last year and immediately put it on my watchlist. What a wonderful choice of directors for this series. Such strong visionaries and visuals. My favorites out of the six stories were Enmity Djinn and MaMlambo. MaMlambo still has a chokehold on me. MAJOR trigger warnings for this series is under the cut. — Three-Body, Viki (also avail on YT) [started 02/19, paused on 02/26] Trigger warnings for this series is also under the cut. With that said, I have a very personal connection with Three-Body Problem, both the novel and the physics problem, so taking this show on has been my entire world. When it comes to tackling my watchlist, shows that have a substantial number of eps/seasons gets split into chunks, so that I can tackle them over a number of months. For this series, I divided the 30-epsiode series into three ten-episode parts that will take me from February to June. I’ll post an official review when I finish over the summer, but for now I will say I very much enjoy having my brain turn into goo after every ep. What an explosive first outing. I will be resuming this show in April for eps 11-20, where I’ll be reunited with my beloved war criminal.

Over the Moon, Netflix [watched on 2/10, DNF] So unfortunate that I started this and could not finish. I hope to get back into it in May, so I can talk about how beautiful it is. Gotta do it for Glen Keane. — Sky Ladder: The Art of Cai Guo-Qiang, Netflix [watched on 2/11] I…. I think I am going to let this quote from the film speak for me: “In the 60’s, when American astronauts landed on the moon, that was really good news, even in China. But I was sad because I thought I would never make it to space myself. But later on, I realized that art could be my space-time tunnel connecting me to the universe. If there was an opportunity, I would like to make a ladder into the clouds. But the purpose of this ladder wouldn’t be for me to go to space, it would be to encourage a back-and-forth, a dialogue.” I MEANN!!!! Yes, I did go into this film already aware of some of his works but I didn’t really know a lot about him. What I admired most was his joy and child-like wonder when he’s interacting with his art. I loved witnessing him act like he’s 7 yrs old again, especially in that air balloon scene. There’s also a moment when he’s become complacent in his projects, settling on the bare minimum to get a job done. When the art of creating is stripped of the art, what is left of Cai is very clear to the viewer: he is frustrated, he feels suffocated, he’s used. Alternately, towards the end of the film, he brings it back with “Yes, a lot of artists do things that are too commercial. It lacks some compulsive and sincere emotion that should exist in all art. Collaborating with [unknown artists] will always remind me of the pleasure I felt and my original purpose for doing art.” (Fascinating to compare his turmoil with the govt whilst working with Netflix.) All in all, this film did a great job telling a story about the magic in enduring passion projects over time. In this case, his Sky Ladder being a fourth attempt at a impossibly large scale dream project. I feel like my thoughts are all over the place with this film, but I’m still finding new things that really speak to me as an artist. — Your Name Engraved Herein, Netflix [watched on 2/18] I thought I had this gifset on my blog but it turns out I may have just DM’d @forcebook about this and didn’t rb, but anyways I saw this and thought hey this has the potential to ruin me lemme put it on my watchlist. And now over a year later, I finally got around to it. Well… it’s exactly what I ordered, it definitely ruined me. I mean, when they come at me with “Maybe more people would understand me in hell. Make it easy for me and help me go to hell,” what else am I supposed to be but ruined. I want a sequel, I need their reset.

There are more to add to the movies category, due to Oscar season, but I’ll save them for a separate post, with all my thoughts on the films/shorts I was able to catch, for Oscar weekend.

Ella Sings Gershwin, Ella Fitzgerald with Ellis Larkins at the piano [first time listening] One hobby I picked up during the pandemic was growing my vinyl collection. I found this vinyl in 2022 with the intention of finding more from this era/genre. Not much movement since then, since vinyl purchases only happens once or twice a year. Suffice to say, I am so happy that the quality is still in tact and it makes me want to get back into vinyls soon. Current top 3: My One and Only (What Am I Gonna Do), But Not For Me, and Soon — Wicked [relistening] One thing you need to understand about me is that Wicked was my first musical hyperfixation. I used to spend summers on the train to the city to catch the raffle drawings and when my name was picked, it would be the best $25 well spent to be seated front row. And when I was not in the city, the CD would be on repeat in the car on my long drives going to and from home and college. My introduction to YT was watching all of the bootleg clips of every casting. All the Eden Espenozas and Stephanie J Blocks and Kerry Ellis’. All the Kendra Kassenbaums, Megan Hiltys, and Annaleigh Ashfords. And yes, all the Aaron Tveits don’t look at me. I’ve seen almost all facets of this show enough times to start frankenstein-ing together my version of Wicked. All this to say that my love for this show remained dormant for over a decade, until the movie trailer for part one came out. And then *SPLASH* I immediately jump in head first into a slime tutorial just like that. Long ago, I watched Kara Lindsay’s broadway vlogs without having seen her Galinda and now I can say I have seen the light, she’s just as immaculate as I imagined she’d be.

Welcome to Night Vale [recurring/catching up] I typically catch up on this podcast seasonally, since I find that this show is more enjoyable when I binge it. This time around, I have fallen more behind and needed to catch up on 11 episodes. My favorite eps: A Car Crash on Buellton Avenue (Ep 232), Sister Cities: Vermillion Falls (Ep 239), and He is Holding a Knife (Ep 240). I will admit that there was a period of time, maybe four or five years ago, when I dropped the show for reasons I cannot recall now but I am glad that I stuck around.

And now here are some tw to keep in mind:

AFRICAN FOLKTALES trigger warnings: domestic violence/abuse, child abuse, attempt(s) of suicide, drowning, and miscarriage.

THREE-BODY trigger warnings: The plot centers around solving the mystery behind scientists committing suicide on an international scale. Scenes ranging from allusions, thoughts of suicide, to moderate depictions of suicide.

[gaz-light]

CW: Me but ugly

Ya know what fuck it. I don't intend to this mid week. I wanna do it now while I've got the time and honestly I'm a bit excited.

This is John. He's the guy I used to be. I don't have many other pictures of him but I saved these ones for this purpose. They're some of the few I could stand for some reason.

It's hard to think I ever used to look like that. Think or act the way I did. You could go back right now and tell him the events of the past like year or so and honestly he'd probably understand it. Would be too scared as shit nervous and doubtful to ever believe it. Hated himself too much to imagine it being this way.

This is how I started off on Hormones 1 year ago. 5/31/22. Somewhere between 11/7/21 and 4/9/22 everything went to shit. I crashed my motorcycle and broke my arm, ended up broke, didnt get into grad school, the girl I was madly in love with just let me know I was being replaced by someone with a pussy. It took about everything happy in my life turning to shit over night to finally crack the egg that I had been growing in for so long.

There were signs before. Things I always knew. Always hung out with girls. Liked sapphic content. Felt detachment from peers of my agab, enjoyed pretending at being an internet femboy. Horribly autistic. Fucking hated my body. Hated hated hated hated hated. I had a closeted sissy kink and dressed up FOR YEARS. So much more. Eventually I started hooking up with trannies the same way I hooked up with lesbians and things began to click. Something in me thought ya know what, I don't have to just admire and adore and yearn for them. Then a good friend of mine consoling me one April night more or less extended an invitation and I didn't look back.

And then she was born. I think these photos are from maybe a month post starting HRT. Would you believe I hadn't seen myself without facial hair in like 10 years before this point. I hadn't shaved it all off since I was 13. I'm hispanic. Greek and Cuban so I've had this accursed facial and body hair for fucking ever. I was so afraid the first time I picked up that razor. I didnt know if I'd like what was on the other side. I felt safe and secure in the validation I got from other people that I thought it'd be ok if I was just unhappy with myself forever. I hated whatever I was so much that I didnt have the energy to care for her.

Then I shaved.

I looked in the mirror and I thought that girl looked kinda cute. For the first time I really didnt think I looked so bad. My friends were very supportive thankfully. Not everyone was. Certainly not dear old dad who still wont call me by my name or gender me properly. The man who told me god had cursed him with 2 faggots. My little trans brother and I. The man who let me know I was a disappointment and that neither I or anyone of us were real women. I still havent forgiven him for so much. But I am trying to let it go. Even the cis people were kinda nice. I lost some who were kinda edgy friends from highschool. Nothing of value was lost.

Since then I've worked to navigate the professional world as a woman. My first boss at my first real post college job was this British woman from England who made my life kinda hell. Preyed upon and picked on me and embarrassed me professionally. One of the 2 other women at the office. She never would admit to it but I think she resented me for it. I was also the only tranny there. Well sorta. There was 1 other who worked down in facilities doing the trash and dishes for the labs. But not up there. Not on the 8th floor with us in the "war room".

And this is where and who we are now 1 year later. Same eyes. Same 5'0 looking ass. But happier. Smiles when she looks in the mirror. Can actually do things for herself. Set boundaries. Care. Maybe she can even love too. I've placed myself into countless lesbian romance fantasies and I feel like I have a shot at living them. I used to be like 200 pounds. I'm down to 128 and also built like a brick house full of muscle. I was horrified of being trapped in that body of mine forever and the fear and doubt that I'd never make it even this far scared me into doing nothing until i had little else to lose.

Let me leave you with some wise advice that friend who cracked my egg once gave to me: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.

Transitioning was the best decision I ever made for myself. Happy birthday Morrigan. I love you.

[ssaalexblake]

Had a random brain wave, but do you think one reason people are so weird about the Timeless Child is because people get so weird about adoption, especially adoption narratives that don't fit into some very specific boxes?

You know, I honestly don’t know?

But mostly just because I honestly don’t know the intricate ways people are weird about adoption (in fiction & real life), as far as specialist subject goes, it’s not mine. I only have the broad strokes here. 

Though, from a purely story formation way, this plot does Not fit into any of the adoption trope boxes that I know of, yeah. Admittedly, it is easier to buck trends when Sci-Fi is involved, but I don’t think i’ve seen anything like this sequence of events played out anywhere else before and I watch too much sci-fi.  

I think maybe the evil stepmother archetype is something people are used to, which isn’t Exactly what Tecteun is but close enough, and that it’s a narrative people are used to seeing play out in a way where the poor kid Escapes, but this story didn’t provide that neat of a box for this child. The kid did not escape, the child was used and abused until the evil stepmother was done with them and moved onto better things, and they erased their memories and dumped them in an orphanage, never bothering to look them up again. Well, not until The End Of Days anyway (that they orchestrated). That’s not exactly a fairy tale ending... Brothers grimm maybe! 

Hm, upon further thought, I don’t think people are being (that) weird about the adoption aspect (or, no moreso than usual. I think there’s some deifying of the scared crying kid on a barn as some kind of superior and not difficult to swallow orphan narrative. loneliness can be cured easily, as can fear, it’s not too Messy. You don’t have to think about anything too difficult), but I DO think they’re being really weird about the idea of a neglectful and abusive parent, which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest, because people are Always weird about abuse stories. 

I only say not so much about the adoption thing because I Mostly consider the adoption aspect of this story as The Doctor, not the child. Admittedly this is personal interpretation, but the leaning on openly and frequently calling this group of companions The Fam. That when they get their first real conversation 13 says she doesn’t Have a family anymore, and these three people who heard this then happily welcome her into theirs (they could easily have been angry, and they weren’t, they were kind). 

Graham sees her as a peer, treats her equally and with friendship, she honestly Has to have stayed in his house in the 2 weeks we don’t see in wwfte, joining the family in their grief. He obviously has to have noticed the parental relationship she has with Ryan, the Ryan who lets 13 act as a kind of mentor and adult figure to him despite how easy it’d be for him to not let people in like that anymore. Yaz’s first action when 13 finally gets them home is to invite her to have tea with her family, and we know from the helpful baby sister slam that Yaz inviting people around is not a common event.  

A lot of the show, historically, is either the doctor being adopted into weird little families or the doctor adopting themselves a weird little family. That’s not New to the show as a theme. Literally, One kidnaps himself a family and a tv monument was born that exists 60 years later.  As soon as Chibnall mentioned Why he included the adoption angle ofc the asshole contingent came out and said why’d he include something like that in the show because of his own issues!!! missing that the show is literally just this over and over and over again. I don’t know the dude, have honestly spent years not reading his interviews bc i learnt from the past two guys that Nothing can be gained from learning how much of an asshole the showrunner is and decided to remain in clueless bliss (Am bitter that even this was stolen from me now), but did it ever occur to people that a show where a constant theme of found family Might actually be one of the reasons the show appealed to him as somebody who was adopted to start with? Like, he did not make up this theme, and just because the people unable to grasp dirt basic tropes didn’t see it doesn’t mean everybody else didn’t. That is, imo, very much a part of this. Just grasping at any straw possible to have a go at him no matter how idiotic it looks. 

Anyway, I digress, I see Most of the adoption story as 13 herself, rather than the timeless child arc, which I think is more accurately summarised as kidnapping, neglect, child endangerment, *insert unknown species name here* experimentation, forced labour upon threat of death and death of loved ones, in general physical and emotional abuse... I’m sure i’ve forgotten a few, but that’s the gist of it. 

I Know the master uses the term adoption, more than once, but like... The entire point of him in the situation is that he’s wrong even if Technically he’s correct. I mean, he has his valid points where he’s not wrong and because of some things i feel genuinely sorry for him, but he has framed this whole thing in his head as some rescue of the child, he says that tecteun adopts the child instead of abandoning them and therefore rescued them, making this a good action vs bad action situation instead of something nuanced.

 But, as we learn in survivors of the flux, this is Not how 13 views this at all! She’s in active distress that Tecteun Took! her! instead of trying to return her home. She just wanted her to have tried! The Doctor would do anything for a lost and scared child, and yes, sometimes they’ve taken children in, but with the consent of the child (who were all old enough to make their own choices) and when they wanted to leave, the doctor accepts this. 13 Clearly understands the difference between taking somebody in when they have no other options and taking somebody you want to keep for fun without bothering to see if there is a better 3rd option. 

(Admittedly, the master does make a passing comment about tecteun leaving evidence in the matrix as Maybe being an apology of some sort, so he must recognise on some level that Somewhere in this story the doctor is victimised, but there is no specification to exactly What thing on the long list of grievances that he clocked as actually bad.)

But I think, personally, after seeing 13′s distress at Tecteun not even bothering to Try to find the child’s home and just saying finders keepers, I will never see this part of the story as an adoption narrative, i didn’t before to be fair, but now i could never. It is kidnapping. It is imperialism wrapped up in a story about two people. It’s Henrietta Lacks, from a medical perspective. But I would not call -in a non fiction story- a child who was kidnapped and raised by their kidnapper an adoption story even if the kid was treated like a king, so I don’t here. It doesn’t fit my definition. I don’t know what Chibnall intended, but I know what I get from it. If you find a kid you try and send them home, or find somebody who will. Taking them home and trying to raise them is gonna get you arrested. 

I Mostly think the audience is being weird and/or stupid about the abuse angle of this story. I mean, the target audience of the show is tween/teens, but younger kids watch it and everybody knows it and it tends to pull its punches. For an example, If an 8 year old misses that the parade of different regenerations means that Tecteun kills the kid over and over, that’s probably the point. When adults look at that and fail to make the connection that you regenerate by Dying and that this kid has burned through half a dozen bodies in their adolescence and that this doesn’t just Happen by accident, then that’s not the same thing. Like, it is So blatant what happens here, the child is killed repeatedly. There is nothing else more abusive than this repeated murder and yet the blinders are on. This era even went to the trouble of specifying that regeneration is exceptionally painful. It’s not especially difficult to grasp, and Yet. 

In general, I think the show very deftly displayed a deeply abusive dynamic over the course of both TTC and Flux, and the story didn’t fit a box because the poor victim didn’t escape in a traditional way, they were dumped like trash with no remorse, and then put through whatever else the uncaring society did to them without even their own past to ground them. And then. Then. Eventually they do escape of their own power and get away, and once they’re gone they build themselves into a person who wants to do good. They make themselves a hero with the help of their adoptive families. In fact, they’d be nothing but the jerk who ran way still with the morals of those whom had abused them if not for their adoptive families. They’re never perfect, but it’s the trying that matters. What matters is their found families taught them this. 

Honestly, people are weird about adoption narratives. they’re weird about abuse narratives. They’re weird about anti-imperialism narratives. They're weird about stories that go out of the box. That they’re actively Trying to poke holes doesn’t help. That they often make themselves look like idiots who can’t comprehend a children’s show while poking holes is, frankly, at least good for cheap entertainment. 

[tubby1]

Tubby Graffiti

What is tubby graffiti?

If you found this page, you may have searched for 'tubby graffiti 'tubby1 graffiti', and wondered about my tag or sticker. I created this page to show up on Google so there is less misinformation about me, and write more about the purpose of my tag.

I am a graffiti writer/urban explorer from Sydney, Australia. I primarily enjoy painting in 'hidden spots', like drainage tunnels and under bridges.

I got arrested several times within the span of a year or 2 for various charges of vandalism and trespassing. The last time I got arrested in Australia for vandalism, I was sentenced to do community service and I really didn't feel like doing much more graffiti in Sydney, because I kept getting caught.

But as it turns out, I am extremely thankful for the day I was arrested, because that day changed the course of my life forever.

My friend invited me to travel overseas with him, and I ended up travelling some of Asia and Europe with him. I didn't paint graffiti on these first trips or go anywhere off the beaten path, I just put up stickers and just enjoyed living happy and free, and doing as regular people do in their early twenties.

Later on another friend invited me to travel to India. This was my first time travelling to a 'non-touristy' place, and the catalyst for what made me want to drop everything and see the world as so much happened in just a couple weeks, and it ended up with us forgoing our flight to the party destination of Goa and instead going hiking in the Himalayas for 5 days and living among gypsies.

While it was great fun, I also saw huge amounts of poverty and visited the slums. This is really the first time I really saw things like that first hand.

When I returned to Australia, I realized that normal life would never quite feel the same. After getting restless, I ended up selling my car, getting rid of most of my belongings, packing what I needed into a duffel bag and setting off to see the world and write graffiti.

It started off as just fun and games. Backpacking through Asia and Europe, staying in hostels, meeting other travellers, while also writing graffiti and just enjoying life.

As I travelled more, I started seeing more and more in the way of poverty, crime, economic disparity, etc...

When you are painting graffiti in a country which doesn't really have a graffiti scene, it often strikes up conversations or even altercations.

I would always talk to people and they would always ask me 'what is the purpose of the graffiti.' I didn't really have an answer, I just said it was a fat, happy character.

I would eventually start painting countries which are advised as 'do not travel' places, and painting graffiti in these countries would start getting increasingly dangerous, and I would see the effects of war, meet refugees, meet many people just trying to survive in atrocious living conditions.

It would begin to feel distasteful, me just being a tourist, going to these places of extreme poverty with terrible living conditions to write graffiti for a couple days and move on to the next place.

Sitting at 94 countries at last count, I still have not completed even half when it comes to the goal of 'visiting every country in the world'.

About half of the countries left are in the African continent.

I have analysed the list and possibility of visiting every country in the world, and a large portion of what I have left to visit are countries which are considered extremely dangerous/in war/very bad political situations.

At the moment I am not travelling due to real life catching up with me and having a child.

I do not intend to visit all 197 anywhere in the near future, but I do intend to spend a few more months when I can travel again and eventually write a book about the complex social-economic and geopolitical issues which face our world.

My graffiti doesn't really benefit anyone, and is relatively pointless. All my stickers and tags will fade or get painted over, and in a while it will be as if I was never there.

If there is one thing I wish to leave behind, I wish to write and spread awareness about the world issues I have seen first hand. I want to share my views and write about the good and bad I have seen. Unless you see the bad, you can't really appreciate the good.

I'm from Sydney, Australia, a place which consistently ranks as one of the best places to live in the world. I have a passport which allows me to travel to most countries without difficult visas/invitation letters. I come from a place of privilege which allows me to travel with ease.

No one chooses where they were born and I don't want to waste the advantage I was born with, so I will endeavour to write a book and tell the stories of what I've experienced and the things I've seen.