#and Mortuary is so silly fun

[borom1r]

HMMMMM i think i need to rewatch Mortuary tomorrow. it’s Bill Paxton’s birthday tmrw……

[bewilderedbunny]

Weedman (Eddie x Reader fluff) 18+only!

This was originally going to be smut but I got distracted by the idea of flirting with Eddie while he makes bad jokes. Just over 800 words, no pronouns are used for reader.

Warnings: Lots of drug use talk, reader's mom speaks of food in a negative way, there's a joke about sex work but it isn't at any sex-workers' expense (it's just Eddie being silly) reader is a stressed out college student, I think that's all.

*I also wanted to mention, I did not come up with the joke Eddie makes at the beginning of the phone call, it's just something I've heard around and I'm not sure where it originates from

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Part 2 is here

You had just finished exams for your Junior year of college and you were drained. Normally, you would stay in the city while working for the summer, but this year you decided to take a break and go back home to stay with your family. You had hoped this time off would provide some much-needed relaxation. Speaking of relaxation, you had become a bit of a pothead while away from home. The amount of weight that magic little flower would lift from your shoulders was incredible. You hadn't smoked in high school, but you remembered the local dealer at the time. "Reefer Rick" how could you forget a name like that? Unluckily for you, Rick was picked up last month and wouldn't be out until your break was long over.

You thought this may be for the best. You had been smoking pretty regularly to help alleviate the stress of school, maybe a tolerance break could help reset your nerves. Then that night your mom asked if you were really going to have dessert since you already had a roll with dinner. You realized weed might not be enough to get you through this break. Maybe horse tranquilizers or a lobotomy would do the job.

After dessert, which you savored every bite of, you went to your room and decided to try to find a new supplier. After a few unhelpful phone calls consisting of people reminiscing about high school (how could these people miss hell so much?), you decided to call Robert Swan. He was a friend of a friend who seemed to know just about everything about everyone in Hawkins. Robert let you know that Rick had someone dealing underneath him.

"Huh, I never took Rick for the "management" type."

"Well, he's not exactly running a Burger King but yeah, he's making his way up. Oh my god, did you hear about-"

Robert rambled to you, gossiping about people you couldn't care enough about to remember. After "oh really?" and "no way"-ing your way through the conversation, you got the information for the dealer, thanked Robert, and said goodbye before he could trap you into listening any longer.

You sighed while looking at the paper you had written the dealer's information on. "Eddie Munson" the name was unfamiliar to you.

You dialed the number given to you and after a few rings, a man answered.

"Hawkin's mortuary, you kill 'em, we chill 'em. Would you like to make a reservation?" You took a second to process what he said before realizing the joke.

"Yes, please. Embalming table for two?"

He laughed and sounded embarrassed "Oh shit, I thought you were someone else. Sorry about that. Thanks for playing along."

"No problem. Out of curiosity, who did you think I was?"

"My uncle, he calls me on his lunches at work sometimes to check in, it's fun to mess with him, make him laugh."

"That's sweet he checks on you."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Eddie leaned against the wall twirling the phone cable with his finger.

"Oh, who is this, by the way?"

You tell him your name and how you heard about him.

"Words getting around that I'm the new go-to man, huh? Maybe I should make business cards."

You reply, "What would they say? Eddie Munson: amateur herbalist?"

He laughs and says, "Was thinking: 'Eddie Munson: Dungeon Master, Musician, Weedman, Phone Sex Operator.' Maybe add a drawing of a wizard or a dragon too."

You giggle at his silliness and say, "Don't forget to add mortician to that. How's the phone sex business treating you?"

"Not great, still haven't figured out where my dick goes in the phone." you hold your head in your hands and laugh. He laughs along with you.

You look at the clock, it's already midnight.

"I guess I should ask you about buying since that's the reason I called."

"Oh yeah. Shit, this salesman stuff is hard. How much do you want?"

"What can $50 get me?"

"$50 worth of weed."

You roll your eyes "Sounds like a deal. Can we meet tomorrow? Say 10 am?"

"10 am?! What am I, a doctor?! Who gets up at 10 am during the summer?"

You laugh and say, "Sorry, I didn't think about your beauty sleep. Please forgive me. How about 2 pm?"

"He agrees and gives you his address

"It's a date. Have a goodnight, sweetheart."

"Sweet dreams, Weedman."

Once you hang up the phone, you realize you've been bouncing your leg this entire time. You're unsure if it's from the general nerves or the fact that you've been flirting with a stranger. Was that even flirting or were the two of you just idiots? You think about tracking down your old yearbook to see if he's in there, but decide maybe it'll be better to have the mysterious Weedman's appearance be a surprise.

[magicaleraser94]

Hey ya'll ^^

As some of you may have noticed, I've suddenly become very active on this account, reblogging things and posting a few peices of art (some have really blown up, tysm ^^), after being radio silent for about two years. A lot has happened in my life since I had stopped posting. Here's a post to fill you guys in :D

My YT channel hit 1k subs!

...and I haven't really posted since :|

I got into Hermitcraft, the Life Series, and Empires SMP just before DSMP kinda faded. I'm a big fan of Grian and his content, as well as Martyn Inthelittlewood and Bdubs's Hermitcraft 10 series. They've inspired my art and were there for most of my style development. They're my comfort creators.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. It's been kind of tough, since most of the therapists in my area are kinda shit. But I'm doing a lot better now thanks to my family, friends, and a good ol medication.

I started playing DND! It's been one of my favorite pastimes. Made a few joke characters, as well as some pretty serious ones. My usual character is Akuji, a half-orc fighter with a past as a psychotic smuggler.

(Due to action surge and a weapon she collected from fighting the dnd equivalent of Elsa, she can deal a max of eighty damage in one turn.)

I began playing Sky: Children of the Light. Made some friends. Lost some friends. The players are gentle and unique, and the community is one of the kindest that I've had the honor to be in. I also became a bit of a lore-addict, and most of my theories have been proven correct through the trailers for The Two Embers. I even created a character with my own lore :3

I became invested in Ish's State Experiments. I've become a pretty popular artist in the State Server, and I was the first to be featured in a special channel dedicated to State Art. While it's not something I should be super excited about, since our community is smaller than most, that very accomplishment has brought me into a group of kind, fellow artists, and funny content creators who I have made unforgettable connections with.

Also, meet "Blob" Soggy, the personified version of my discord username. I draw her a lot, and use her as little reaction images when I'm talking.

Found IMMENSE joy in Indie horror games, such as Bendy and the Ink Machine (and DR), the Little Nightmares Saga, Five Nights at Freddie's, Mortuary Assistant (introduced by one of the content creators in State), and quite a few more. Also, Hollow Knigth got mixed in there, even tho it's not horror

I'm in a relationship :). My boyfriend is a complete gentleman and looks kinda like a skinnier Newt Scamander. We've been going steady for 3 months.

I stumbled upon Dimension 20: Fantasy High, which has been so fun to watch! Brennan Lee Mulligan and his crew are hilarious. Also Riz Gukgak's the best PC and nobody can say otherwise.

And lastly.

MagicalEraser has grown into a full character. Through my friends in State, I was able to develop her past what I ever thought possible. She is what my fellow artists see me as. She's more than just a silly drawing I made based off of a Shel Silverstein poem and a half-baked minecraft skin. I am so grateful that I created her, because she's been there every step of the way.

Love you guys. Hope you enjoyed catching up! Thank you all for enjoying my art :]

[indecisive-v]

i like lore lets talk vtuber lore lets talk about nijisanji en's new wave haha (this will be like 90% looking at the hold it down / let's get it started lyrics)

so iluna is some magical fantasy school right?? full name iluna institute of mystics

xsoleil is looking like something similar, xsoleil institue of infinity

maybe they're rival schools?

---☆

there's the debut songs now that hold it down is out (holy shitgsvhshf meloco's voice) with their contrasting themes

Let's Get It Started:

We only got love, we don't make any enemies

Laughin' having fun everyday makin' memories

So let's hop up on the stage, and let's show them what we came for, and harmonize to this melody, oh yeah

iluna seems chill and fun, like they're kinda just screwing around, making the most of their time here, and inviting the listeners to come enjoy themselves too

the instrumental of the song itself feels like a party or celebration of sorts!

HOLD IT DOWN:

My heart is bleeding from the pain that I put my own self through

There's no need for introductions or greetings, it's old news

I'll admit it, I'll admit it, it was kind of scary

I had to bury all my demons like the mortuary

xsoleil seems more tense, but like an anime character getting power blasted through three buildings and they wipe the blood off their cheek and go "hah... now it's getting good" kind of tense

it's also worth a note that all the xsoleil wave members seem to be part of their school's student council while iluna's members seem to be average students, because...

Hooked top of my class

Hidden gems among treasures

Accumulated these plaques

We wrote a million letters

...they seem to be hard workers (or they do until you see that one doppio tweet about forgetting homework or ver procrastinating lmao), and it feels like they're priding themselves on it in this song

---☆

another thing; both songs seem to value teamwork...

(insert every line about being friends and having each other it's like half the song)

Together the more we get done

Quicker the outcome the sum

but for iluna, it's more of a three-legged race flavor of teamwork...

Don't ever feel lost, we have each other so we're good

while for xsoleil, it's follow the leader

Don't you worry about a thing

Come follow our lead now

xsoleil seems to also have a little more emphasis on being able to do things yourself

I'm solo

Ain't no secrets now

Been on my own

there's also the "nice to meet you" vs "no need for introductions"...

[It's nice to meet you], my dear friend

There's no need for introductions or greetings, it's old news

and the song titles themselves! Getting it started vs holding it down

---☆

putting it all together, it makes me feel like iluna's this fantastical mystical school of destiny hidden away where the students who end up there are magically pulled there in some way to be able to apply if they so choose bc the school just likes their vibes, while xsoleil is this high-stakes school that takes like, a wild shit fuck ton of effort and letters and scholarships and failed applications to get into, and both institutes are prestigious in their own right

---☆

remember the sillies about kyo being an isekai protagonist?

-> kyo kaneko is the anime protagonist at the cute wholesome school iluna and xsoleil is the cool edgy intimidating rival school of badasses that he has to confront with his friends

except...

i think he already won

[bubbles-the-banshee]

Happy STS! If you had to throw one of your characters into another world, which one would you choose? Would they thrive or hate it?

Thank you @toribookworm22 for the ask. (I hope you don't mind that I copy-pasted, so that I could answer this on my writing Tumblr vs. my personal.)

TW: allusions to murder, emergecy room scenario, mentions of police, blood, rabies, heart faliure, delirium/hallucinations, ghosts, demons, and burns scars/scars in general.

I really had to think about this one. There are so many OCxworld combinations that could be really fun and silly and/or really tragic. (Some of the others I've considered are Eliott in Steven Universe and Acon in The Last of Us.) If I had to throw one of my OCs into another world, I would throw Dr. Dante "Day" Huerta from Goddess Dead into the @morvantmortuary universe.

Why? Because I'm a huge fan, and how fucking funny would it be to have a shy werewolf with a savoir complex working as a doctor in Greymoon, Louisiana's local ER?

Like, just, hear me out, okay? Someone fucks up (we're not naming names), and a mortuary victim gets away. He stumbles, bloodied and broken into the ER. He's ranting and raving about monsters in the woods. Ghosts in the cemetery. Demons. Undertakers, etc. The nurses write him off as having a bad trip or a severe mental-break, but the cops are called just to be safe.

Of course, the new, emergency doctor—Dr. Huerta—sees the truth and the danger behind the patient's frenzied tale.

(I don't have a faceclaim for Day, so imagine a chicano man with long, dried-seaweed-brown hair with streaks of silver, thin lips, and 3 long, raking scars across the right side of his face. When he smiles, only the left corner lilts up.)

There are others here in Greymoon, he realizes. People like him, who have been touched—consumed by the darkest parts of this world and the next. And, if they are discovered, then it's only a matter of time before Dante is discovered, or worse his partner. He promised himself he'd never do this, never hurt anyone, but he has to. He has to protect himself. He has to protect the people he loves. He has to.

A growl, deep and hungry, itches along his throat. He removes his gloves, revealing heavy burn-scars, and ties his hair back with the hair tie around his wrist. He asks the nurse to fetch some more gauze. She leaves. He locks the door, and he gets to work.

The police don't show up until the patient is already dead. He suffered anemia-related heart failure, and he was rabies-positive, so sad. Don't mind that the patient has more flesh wounds then he entered the facility with, it was a simple miscount. It's very difficult to do a complete body-scan when a patient is in the throes of late-stage rabies-induced delirium. Yes, those are claw marks; obviously, a large animal did this. Don't worry. We'll notify animal control. Nothing else to see here.

The next day, a box of the cheapest store-bought, frosted sugar cookies appears outside the mortuary's front-door with a "Get Well Soon" card which reads:

I took care of your problem. Please, be more careful next time. - Day

[hyacinthmonster]

My brain keeps making AUs, I try to ignore because that's too many for my brain to not overload, and now I have a thought of "Mortuary assistant X Undertale" kinda AU and I just yeah. Asgore is the one that hired you so that one guy who's name escapes me. And I silly person so I want it to be sans that takes the role of the one character in the game you play as.

I might actually go with this, my brain hurts. I need to focus on my boooook.

But I keep getting silly dumb AU ideas I wanna draw neglecting all my other sanss.

Gunna rewatch mark playing the game for some screenshots so I have ref on the rooms.

I am so slow at doing things I feel I should be doing.

It probably be called MortuaryTale or UnderMortuary or something like that. Probably already exists but Ima make my own for no real reason other than stress myself out lol. I honestly just think I'd have fun. I have fun making AUs even if I struggle to work on them past a point. Probably just my depression getting to me.

Fluff depression I wanna do thing I once loved so much even if it stresses me I shall be a butt and try untill I'm outta gass unable to be motivated to even watch shows or eat.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah

I'm half asleep still, I feel.

[morvantmortuary]

Hi, Rae! I hope this finds you well 😊

That's a fun list of WIPs you've shared, and if you're willing to share some more - I'd love to hear about 'light the sky and hold on tight'. Cheers!

nora darling!!! <3 thanks so much for taking the time to ask. I hope you're doing well too :D <3 I appreciate your patience, work has been busier today than normal lmao

so "light the sky and hold on tight" is a rora request with a he/him reader that's thisclose to done, I just have a couple scenes left to tie off. I really like it so far, it's one where we kind of get an insight into some of her thought process behind her background scheming. here's a snippet from what I have so far:

--

This was calculated - your brain was already shorting out just a little from the contact and the smell of her sweetly floral perfume (magnolia, jasmine, and white sandalwood - you’d looked it up one night when you couldn’t sleep for it driving you insane). It wasn’t that her sweetness or affection was a mask, per se. Quite the contrary, you knew they were as real as anything.

Realer than lots of things, in just how intense they could be sometimes.

But this was an unspoken appeal, and you couldn’t help the quiet, curious voice at the back of your brain even as she made it fuzz over. “Did you…” you blinked, trying to re-focus on her face rather than the low neckline of her dark dress at your seated eye level. “Need something, love?” She’d chosen to stay with you at your place today, insisting she needed a break from the Mortuary. But she’d been oddly unsettled all morning, flitting restlessly from room to room when she thought you weren’t looking. You’d thought at first that was because she’d only brought a skeleton kit of her usual tools for her project in progress, but you wondered now if it wasn’t something else.

“…Well,” Rora demurred, glancing askance. That meant ‘yes,’ but she was trying to be polite. “Only if I’m not taking you from anything urgent, sweet pea.” She glanced over your shoulder at your monitor again, as if to check for herself.

“No,” you shook your head, drawing her attention back to you. You lifted your hands to gently pull hers from your hair, kissing the backs of her palms before loosely holding them in your own. “What’s up?”

Rora’s smile softened at your affection, and for the briefest second, you saw her look away again - as if for a moment, she was hesitating. “I hate to ask,” she began, her teeth catching at her lush lower lip. “But I need a ride.”

“Sure,” you said immediately, still fiddling with her fingers in your own as you swiveled slightly from side to side in your office chair. “Into town? Did you need to grab something for the, uh,” you paused, trying to remember what you’d seen her working on this morning. “…Possum in a tutu?”

“No,” Rora shook her head with another smile. “Mademoiselle Paulette’s almost done, she just has a final string of pearls waiting for her at home.”

“Of course,” you nodded, your face mock serious. “As every sophisticated possum must have this season.”

Rora giggled, and you couldn’t help but grin — you loved that sound. You’d do anything to hear that sound. Maybe even fight a bear. An undead bear. “Silly, handsome boy.” She reached up with a finger, gently booping your nose, and you felt your face flood with heat. “You’re delightful, you know that?”

“Yeah, well…” you trailed off, unable to come up with a retort as you gazed into her eyes. You knew the green like the color of your own bedroom walls, by now, but that didn’t mean that you couldn’t still get lost in them — dark, like the mossy entrance of a cave. Sometimes, if you looked too long, you felt a slight tug somewhere inside your gut.

Like Orpheus standing at the threshold, descending to search for Eurydice.

“Little Shoot?” Rora tilted her head to look at you, and you snapped back to reality. “You still with me?”

“Yup!” You nodded too quickly. “Yeah, sorry, just, uh. Work brain.” You blinked, fighting the urge to shake your head. “…Where did you need to go?” you asked. You realized she’d never told you. Or hadn’t told you yet, you corrected yourself. …Right?

Rora’s smile thinned, and for the briefest second, it whittled itself into something oddly curved and sharp. “It’s not far,” she said, the smile vanishing and her eyes widening innocently quick enough to feel like whiplash. “And what I need will only take a few minutes, I promise.”

“Sure, no worries,” you nodded, feeling your own head tilt just slightly. “I’m done with this, and I don’t have anything else to do today.” You shrugged, and, briefly, something felt a little… odd, when you tried to smile. “Did you want to grab dinner or something afterwards?”

“Hmm.” The tip of Rora’s tongue darted out, running over her lips. “We’ll see how you feel after my little errand, first. Okay?”

“…Sure, Ror,” you said again, your smile feeling even stranger now. “Whatever works, we have all evening.”

“You’re so agreeable,” Rora cooed, ruffling your hair affectionately before kissing your forehead. “My strong little succulent, so sweet.” And just like that, she turned, her hair a fragrant black veil flowing behind her. “I’m just going to get my scarf and some things, and then I’ll be ready!” she sing-songed.

You blinked again as if emerging from a daze, one of your hands reaching up to check and see if she’d left a soft pink lipstick stain on your forehead.

Your fingers came away from your skin looking like they’d crushed a rose petal. You sat there, wondering just why it felt like your true love was being a little too vague about this… errand, and absently rubbed them against your thumb without noticing you were smearing the pink even further.

--

our girl is always up to something <3 I'm really looking forward to sharing this one when it's ready, it's probably one of my favorite things I've written for her so far.

thanks again for taking the time, babe, I really appreciate it! <3

[we-cross-universe-king-relate]

(Private Ask Ahoy)

Interesting stuff. Sometimes a mix and match if differing teams and characters makes for unique interactions and dynamics

My fave of them is of course the relationship between Conner and Jon, as per usual as a Superman Family fanboy

It’s all about respect for what we like. Plain and simple ;-)

One tiny weird silly (if morbid) Headcanon I’d like to share with you for tonight;

Regarding Dick’s birth mom Mary, while her mother’s side of the family were trapeze acrobats, her father’s side composed of people with a bit more…morbid professions; mainly medical examiners (medically trained personal who check over the recently deceased to find a cause of suspicious passing), funeral directors, morticians or in the case of own father, a dentist. Mary actually has training on how to be a medical examiner courtesy of her grandfather despite her officially taking her mother’s side of family business as an acrobat. Though, on one tour in England during a stroll through London, John and Mary passed by a museum for the morbid which was once a mortuary. Said museum sold gag cardboard ID tags that are meant to be placed on the bare toes of the recently deceased as souvenirs. So Mary and John bought them and joking if Mary if sleeping in for the morning, John would put on these tags on her toe, after all there is the phrase ‘being dead asleep’.

I know very weird but at least I’d share it with you for the night

I dearly apologize

it's all right like I said we're just sharing our weird little headcanons. Sometimes they're fun sometimes they're weird but there's nothing wrong with letting your imagination run wild a little.

don't apologize it's interesting stuff actually. And now that you got my head going I've got one more ask.

[local-starry-catboi]

Kid Pirates hcs #3

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  More Kid Pirates hcs 1 | 2 | 3 | 4.1 - 4.2 | 5 | 6 | 7

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  Kid Pirates OC bios — Light | Blaze | Calista | Kira | Eun | Grunge

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  Nyx — @silvernyxchariot ; Solace — @ramdeviltart ; Osiris — @/idonthaveacluewhatsgoingonhere

Hcs under the cut for length ✨️

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  One day it started that two of the biggest morons of the crew (Mohawk and Kira) decided it would be fun to superglue a glass of pickles shut and go around asking the others for help with opening it. Time after time, they did that to each new member the Kid Pirates have recruited. Any older member knows about the unsolvable jar myster by now, but new crewmates don't. So, they only become more distressed in most cases upon being unable to open a simple glass jar in the presence of the others while they're laughing their asses off, and more often than not also got their photo taken while struggling. Osiris was the only one who smashed it, causing the boys to have to make a new one, and leaving them in utter shock because not even Kid decided to smash it (or rather, he could be stopped before he'd have done it).

Inspiration comes from @/kinkywitch's tiktok.

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  Kira crochets and sews personalised emotional support blankets for his crewmates. For Disc J, he made one in the shape of a vinyl disc, Osiris requested one that looks like an opossum, Mosh asked him for a rock, and Quincy asked him for a checkerboard, for example (there are more, of course). Even "brutal" pirates like them need some softness in their life when they're stressed and mentally exhausted.

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  Some of them have distinctive laughter styles, like Killer's "fafafa" (ﾌｧﾌｧﾌｧ). Eun's style is "upupupupu" (ｳﾌﾟﾌﾟﾌﾟﾌﾟ) and Light's "nyihihi" (ニィヒヒ) whereas

Bubblegum's is "bubbububu" (ﾌﾞｯﾌﾞﾌﾞﾌﾞ). Lastly, Quincy's is a typical "ohohoho" (ｵﾎﾎﾎ) [due to their royalty-inspired design], and Dive's is definitely "teehee" ( ﾃｴﾍｴ). Disc has a rather gremlin kind of laughter style: "kekeke" (ｹｹｹ).

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  The crew has video game nights - or would have, if they were in a modern setting. Some of them most likely even would stream, especially if it's a game a vast number of them would like to play/watch the others play, or just if they want to earn some money on the side. Something Mohawk and Kira are known for, though, is being the most chaotic duo amongst the group. In the link attached in the credits behind, Mohawk would be Mysta (orange), and Kira would be Shxtou (purple), for the sake of exemplifying (cr.: @/fuyasumeragi). Aside from the common horror (Until Dawn, Little Hope, Phasmophobia/Demonologist, Mortuary Assistant, Biohazard/Resident Evil) sessions - where some of the spectator's may or may not be clinging to who- and whatever is next to them whilst still trying to keep up "how totally not scared they are" - they of course do have their days where they're playing games from other genres. Their favourites could be stated as Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Animal Crossing, Assassin's Creed, Pokémon, Smash Bros, or any other kind of beat-'em-up. Those are, of course, just a selected few, based on what the majority of them COULD enjoy playing around the others on an overly stressful day to calm down, but their own personal tastes could differ.

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  They do give each other animal shaped/themed items, among others, for birthdays, Christmas, or just as little presents in general. Not all of them are super practical, some are just silly little things. For instance, Killer has gotten his hands on a frog-themed tea set for Solace. Emma once received a shark tea dispenser. Boogie was gifted a zombie bottle opener. Some of the members of the crew have gotten each other little toothbrush holders for their shared bathrooms, for example, in the shape of crabs or elephants. Kid once bought a pair of black cat-shapes candles. Wire is really fond of a bear shaped bean bag he was gifted a good while ago as it makes resting at least somewhat more comfortably easier for him. Osiris received a peculiar opossum themed umbrella that looked normal as long as it was closed, but more like a screaming one when opened.

🌹ꦽꦼ̷  As probably none of them has been a professional hairdresser prior to joining the crew, there have been selected a few members who are tasked with thing such as doing haircuts and dying hair whenever there's a touch-up needed. Heat is in charge when it comes to dying the others' hair (he's skilled in that, next to tattooing his crewmates) aside from Hip (she does a far better job), whilst Killer and Light help put with the snip-snip. It has taken them quite a while to figure out which constellations work the best for each of them, but it has led to horrible mistakes and failures, also known as ugly colour blots, bald spots, misshapen cuts and possibly injuries as well before they all collectively agreed on those four. Mosh would have loved to do either, if not both, but he is too tall to perform either service comfortable for both sides.

[columboscreens]

for the new episodes what are your top 10 favorites?

what really constitutes a good reboot columbo for me is mostly how much it captures the spirit of the original run while still being true to its time and true to the character. if i watch it back and wish they'd made it 20 years prior, i consider it a solid romp.

that said, almost all of them are bloated and overlong. much to the detriment of the show's quality, ABC really preferred 120 minute runtimes to the original default runtime of 70 minutes. the ones i list here suffer least.

without further ado, if you're going to watch columbo in the clinton years, here are

COLUMBOSCREENS' TOP 10 COLUMBO REBOOT EPISODES

10. death hits the jackpot: low budget and absolutely ridiculous. columbo gets his badge stolen by a chimp. it's a blatant and far less clever rendition of greenhouse jungle. that said, rip torn kills it, and seeing him go head-to-head against columbo makes it worth watching. also the series' only halloween episode!

9. caution: murder can be hazardous to your health: george hamilton puts on his murdering hat once again as some sort of homicidal john walsh in an entertaining lampoon of america's most wanted. not the strongest episode, but plenty of fun. one thing i do prefer about the later episodes in general is that they're far more diverse; in this episode we're treated to the villain's primary staffer being a young, vibrant black woman with a prominent speaking role. as pictured above, columbo wanders into a sex shop and utters the word "porno". make of it what you will.

8. ashes to ashes: kind of dull, very bloated, and overly silly, with a whimsical sprinkle of ethnic stereotyping. however, watching patrick mcgoohan slaughter rue mcclanahan with a Mortuary Baton is rather fun in a surreal way. the typical chemistry between the two leads is there in spades. we get to see columbo get kidnapped, cringe at a bad funeral medley, and receive an estimate as to what he'll look like once cremated. overall a reasonably enjoyable watch.

7. sex and the married detective: lots of people have mixed feelings on this one, including myself, but i like it more than i don't. i love seeing the series boldly confront sex in a more open era. it's oddly intimate, and seeing columbo initially flustered at the sexual openness of his female adversary is pretty endearing! his rapport with this murderer is very enjoyable to watch, and i truly love that final scene where they're just conversing frankly by an open fire. for some reason columbo hurls himself onto a big ornate orgy bed when he's sure nobody is looking. honestly, aside from the cringey tuba march and the weird scene where he's yelling and going bananas at the russian cleaning lady, i thoroughly enjoy this episode.

6. agenda for murder: once again mcgoohan shines in this episode, and as he's the sun to falk's moon, so does our leading man. the chemistry between these two is in full force and really makes this plot, largely a frankenstein of like three different columbos, seem fresh and new. there are a few eyebrow-raising plot holes--surely a lawyer and political actor of his stature would know who columbo is--and while bite marks remain legally admissable in court, today they're widely acknowledged to be of dubious veracity in terms of evidence. but this episode's murderer catches on to the whole thing rather quickly, and if you really just want an episode that feels like a good old fashioned columbo, look no further. i also just love watching columbo peck away at computers and fax machines.

5. it's all in the game: many dislike this one, but i’m particularly fond of it because it examines the fabric of columbo’s character in a meaningful, intimate, and unique way that we don’t often see as the audience, and i love episodes like that. the emmy-winning performance by faye dunaway almost goes without saying and adds rewatchability points; her chemistry with falk really emulsifies the script and makes the story believable. for once, his usual rhetoric doesn’t really get him anywhere with a suave little minx trying to kiss him into submission every five minutes–especially considering his lack of concrete proof for most of the case. thus, he has no choice but to play her game to get what he wants, letting her believe that her wiles are working to save her a prison stint, all while remaining professional and unwavering in pursuit of his true goal. what makes it interesting is that for the first time there appears to be a real mixture of business with pleasure, a real, visible struggle with his feelings and the nature of what he’s doing. could've been a little less on the nose and i could always do without the swells of music telling me how to feel, but that's a critique for almost every episode in this era.

4. rest in peace mrs. columbo: a solid and compelling story that strays from the beaten path and actually works, arriving from a natural curiosity about the consequences of columbo's ostentatious takedowns. if some smug little dwarf of a cop threw your loved one's ass in jail, wouldn't you want to knock him down a peg by poisoning his wife? the second half of this episode ramps up exceptionally well--we see firsthand the lengths to which the lieutenant is willing to go for the mrs., and to me, that alone is worth the watch. the restaurant exchange with roscoe lee brown is phenomenal, helen shaver is outstanding, and this episode’s gotcha is, to me, one of the best in the series, period.

3. columbo likes the nightlife: lots of people aren't a fan of this one, but i love this episode because it truly harks back to the older run after a string of hard to watch outings in the 90s where columbo acts painfully cartoonish. even the aspect ratio is a return to form! this comparatively grittier and more down to earth story whips falk back into shape, even as he's clearly approaching retirement. i love his weird old man behavior, digging in toilets and manhandling corpses. moreover, i have a big soft spot for all the trappings of the early aughts: bluehaired alt girls with hot topic fishnets and livejournals, techno warehouse raves, and steve schrippa.

2. columbo cries wolf: the script is definitely a little weak in some spots, and doesn't seem quite as intelligently written as much of the original run. that said, this episode is one of my favorites because of how much of a straight-up blast it is to watch. it's not only total 80s eye candy--columbo smokes pensively in a helicopter above LA, then goes to the mall in a corinthian leather-clad limo surrounded by a bunch of big-haired sex nymphs--the plot itself is actually solid. ian buchanan, as a prelude to his twin peaks performance, is deliciously smarmy. the runtime is filled well for the most part, and falk is in top form. this episode has a special place in my heart because it's the only time we see columbo wholly and very publicly thwarted, albeit temporarily, and it's only because he's simply unacquainted with the level of media brain rot necessary to even conceive of the scheme that entraps him. and i find that beautiful.

last but not least................................

1. columbo goes to college: god, i love this episode. you'll notice this one regularly tops other people's lists, and i'm no exception. not only does falk totally nail columbo, the plot is interesting, tightly-written, and the episode doesn't suffer from being as long as it is. columbo squaring off against two 90s-flavored Whatever Talk To The Hand I'll Just Use My Dad's Credit Card spoiled young assholes was a marvelous idea, and theyre written well to boot. the two leads do a fantastic job, we get a bobby culp cameo, and the production is a smashing success. practically 70s-tier.

so there you have it. honestly, most of the reboots are decent tv to watch, and all of them have scenes worth seeing. but if you're looking for episodes that at least approach the caliber of classic columbo, these are the ones i keep in my pocket.

[justyouraveragecsmfan]

The Hayakawa Family Reacting To Their S/O's Death

Denji

"What are ya talking about? I just talked to them fifteen minutes ago !"

Wouldn't even try to listen for first few minutes, before finally letting the truth sink in.

He's seen so many people die, but your death hits him hard.

If your body gets recovered by the public safety devil hunters, he would be scared to go see you.

Wouldn't shed a tear but his heart will feel so hollow and painful for days, a feeling that he's experiencing for the first time.

and he hates it.

Will look at all the photos you took, and will sometimes visit all your date spots, even though it would hurt so much.

Will unconsciously look at something and go "Oh that's something they would really like!" , before your death registers in his mind and he feels his heart drop.

(He'll still buy that stuff tho)

Will continue to act like a zombie for some time, his lively nature nearly non-existent, mostly due to the denial of your death.

Until finally, some time after your funeral, loneliness hits him hard one night and he cries himself to sleep.

Will sometimes visit your grave with your favorite flowers, as he'll talk about all the silly things happening to him and others.

Though Aki and Power will be there to make him better again, he will always miss you from time to time.

Aki Hayakawa

why You remember how he reacted on Himeno's death? Yeah, just make it a lot times sadder since you both were actually in a relationship.

He won't react. At all. Not even a confused reaction like Denji, just a simple affirmative 'Okay' when he hears about your death.

On the outside, that is.

Also like Denji, he wouldn't want to go and see the state your body is in.

Still he forces himself to go, thinking its only fair to both of you that he bids you a final farewell.

Once he sees your body in mortuary, he after some time, asks for him to be left alone.

And once he is, this man absolutely breaks down.

Doesn't matter if he's got injuries and sudden movements won't be good for him, he'll immediately rush to your side and began to silently cry.

Will kiss you on the forehead, place his shaking hand on your pale face as apologies spill from his mouth.

" Out of all..why did you have to go? Its not fair..I'm sorry.. I'm... so sorry....."

Will try to stifle his cries, but Denji and Power could still hear him, their expressions looking heartbroken before hurrying away

About recovering from your death? Aki won't.

He'll act like normal after some days, but inside, he was miserable.

Won't go and visit your grave, he doesn't feel like he's worthy enough to.

It was hard enough giving his heart away to someone after everything he's been through, but with even that person snatched away from you?

Aki feels like it's better to just carry out his revenge, with one more name to carry it out for, one that he won't ever forget.

Power

"No... no no no no..!!"

Will immediately rush to the site in a panic, hoping to catch a glimpse of you-alive

Out of everyone, Power would the most upfront about her pain.

She would be so distressed at your death.

She'll cling to your body, crying loudly as Aki and Denji try to pull her off .

She'll cry so much, will probably not even sleep that night because how grief-stricken she was.

Aki and Denji will do her best to calm her down but it won't work much

" *sniff*We promised to take care of Meowy together...! They can't just leave like that.."

After learning from Aki that the ones who die will always watch over the people they love, she manages to pull herself together.

Will visit your grave every week with Meowy, bringing your favorite snacks. (She ends up eating them all tho), as she sits there, telling you stories of how Denji got hit by Aki again for behaving like an idiot.

Sometimes she'll occasionally say about how more fun it would've been with you here

" Its okay though, since you're still watching me, you better see how cool Power is from above okay? Watch over Meowy too!!

[the-neverletmegoxo]

The Fae and the Prince

Author: Ok people! This is a doozy! Too be honest I love a good build up! Stay tuned for the next part where Y/N and Caliban spend the night.. :)

Summary: The Carnival!! FINALLY! 

Part 6:

Your eyes quickly readjusted to the inside of the dim tent. The smell of jasmine and incense were so overwhelming, you had to hold a cough in. You glanced around the intimate room, noticing a few candles lit with some plush velvet floor cushions scattered in various places and an old gramophone with a broken pavillon.

“Hello?” you said announcing yourself.

You sat down hoping whoever was telling fortunes would find you ready to spend your tokens. You saw a book that looked as though it had been read over 100 times. Being your curious self, you reached out to turn it towards you, Buckland’s Complete Book of Witchcraft.

‘Why would a fortuneteller have a book on—Oh no. Oh shit.’ As you went to stand up and get the hell out of there, a voice interrupted your next move.

“Here to get your fortune told?”

“Oh, uh, actually I have to leave. I completely forgot I left my oven on at home.”

“I don’t think you’ll be heading home after what happened earlier this evening.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

You stopped in your tracks, slowly turning toward the fortuneteller. She looked as though she had stepped right out of a silent film from the ‘30s. Her short, curly bob was perfectly pinned to frame her face. She was wearing a velvet shawl and a shift nightie. The woman’s eye makeup smoked to make her purple eyes pop out of her face. ‘Purple?’ Normally, this would terrify you, but there was something alluring that made you walk towards her.

“What did you just say?”

“Sit, child. Let me read your fortune.” She formed a smile that caused your heart to start thumping out of your chest.

Some force made you sit back down. “Now let’s read the cards.” She laid out three cards. You had seen readings done before, and you knew this wouldn’t be a typical reading.

“The Devil. Interesting. Opposites attract they say and with where this is placed it could be very pleasurable for you. In way, though, it could mean enslavement for you.”

You glanced away from the card and looked at the woman. She had an enticing smirk on her face. She licked her lips, and it gave you the chills.

“The Tower. Now this does not seem to match, but it could coincide with The Devil in the sense of disaster. It could also mean that you may be challenging outdated beliefs. A lover maybe. Something has been tormenting you, my dear.”

You thought to the conversation you and Caliban had, about never being able to be together. Maybe, somehow, someway, you could figure out a way for the two of you to be together.

‘Y/N. What are you thinking? You ca—. What’s that?’ It sounded like a hum.

You titled your head and looked at the woman. Her grin had grown into full on Cheshire.

“Everything alright, my dear?” Her voice had an angelic tone to it, but at the same time sounded muffled. You nodded your head sleepily. “Now that I have your full attention, let us finish the fortune.” She flipped the last card. Death. ‘How perfect?’ you thought. You giggled to yourself, pulling your hands up to your mouth to try to hush the chortle.

“Yes, my dear, Death. How befitting? Now, let’s get you something to drink.”

She grabbed both of your hands and pulled you out of the chair. The woman twirled you towards the back room. The lullaby still ringing in your ears.

She pushed you onto one of the floor pillows. The weight of your head flew back. It was as if you had no support from your neck. Your body felt completely limp. You were a dead weight. With nothing to support your head, you slowly turned toward the fortuneteller, who was concocting some by her bar cart.

‘Hmm. How funny. Such a silly, silly room.’ You giggled once again.

“Hush, my sweet child, this won’t last for very long.” She walked towards you, carrying what looked like a gold goblet.

Everything was blurry now. You rolled your head back. Something in your gut told you this wasn’t right, but something else said that this song was so sweet; everything was going to be ok. Your eyes slowly rolled back in your head.

A strong scent of what you thought was bubblegum, brought you back to your “senses.” The gold glass was now directly in front of you.

“Now sip, my dear. The warm liquid will just sting a bit, but I promise, you and I will go to someplace fun.”

You tried lifting your head to take a sip, suddenly realizing how dry your mouth was. Something to drink sounded perfect.

The woman reached for the back of your neck to help lift you up. Her hand, surprisingly cold. Your bottom lip touched the stark, cold, metal cup. All of the sudden the liquid spilled all over the pillow.

The cold hand supporting the back of your head disappeared. A warm one replaced the support of your neck. You no longer felt the plush pillow on your back, but instead the cold, autumn air. Your arms were completely limp, but you could feel a body beneath your left one, that was tucked by your side. Someone was carrying you and fast. You could feel the wind whip your hair over your face and suddenly it stopped. You felt the damp grass press into your back. You heard muffled voices moving around you. You moaned and rolled your head to the side, and then everything went black.

--

A warm breath tickled your ear.

“Y/N. Y/N, please wake up. Why isn’t it working? You call yourself a witch?” a voice said through their teeth.

“It should work. Just give it time. It needs time. At least that’s what my aunties said.”

You could feel that same warm hand, that lifted your neck, hold onto yours. Every so often, it would squeeze yours to reassure you, whoever it was, was still there. Your mind, still groggy, recognized that hand. ‘Caliban.’ You moaned from the pain you felt in your head. Your eyes slowly blinked open, and then immediately shut. Too much. You rolled over, forehead against the grass.

“Y/N” a husky tone said, no louder than a whisper. A hand immediately went to the small of your back and then to your shoulder to help you sit up.

“Y/N! Oh, thank Satan! You’re alive!” You slowly opened your eyes and saw Sabrina, Roz and Theo kneeling in front of you. The three of them went in for a hug.

“Oh!” you yelped in pain. The three pulled back, realizing you were sore from whatever happened to you. You didn’t know what the hell happened to you. You just remember a hum. You looked up and saw Harvey, Nick and Robin standing over the group of you. You glanced behind you, remembering the hand at the base of your backside. You looked up to the eyes of your protector, Caliban. He gave you a small smile, accepting your thank you.

“Y/N. What in Lucifer’s name happened to you?” “I have no idea. I walked into the fortuneteller’s tent to get my tarot read and then the last thing I remember is hearing a lullaby and smelling bubblegum.”

Sabrina’s face drained of its natural color. “What? What is going on? What do you know?” you asked the group in an exasperated tone.

“Well we were all doing our own thing at the carnival and Nick and I met up with Roz and Harvey, when Roz saw Caliban running toward the tent you described,” Sabrina said.

Roz jumped in, “Then all of the sudden I received a cunning vision of a mermaid with a drink and she was singing. Harvey had to jerk me awake because my lungs started filling with water.”

“And then Robin and I saw Roz choking and ran over to see what was up. When she woke from the vision, she ran towards the forest. That’s when we saw Caliban kneeling over you trying to wake you.”

“A siren,” a deep voice interrupted the explanation. “It was a siren, not a mermaid.” Caliban turned toward you and went on to tell you the rest of what you couldn’t recall. “I called for Sabrina and told her what I thought had happened. You were pulled into a trance by a siren. I didn’t think you drank any of her potion, so I explained to Sabrina what happened.”

“Well you should have mentioned the bubblegum smell, Caliban. If she had, things would have been a lot worse and that spell wouldn’t have worked,” Sabrina snapped at the Prince of Hell.

“I flung all of the contents out of that siren’s goblet. And besides her color was normal” Caliban gritted through his teeth.

“What do you know about that kind of poisoning, you couldn’t even save her!”

“Enough!” you screamed at the two of them. “Please. Please the ringing in my ears hasn’t gone away yet.”

‘Sorry,’ Sabrina mouthed to you.

You gave her a reassuring smile. “Can someone just, please, take me home?”

“I will,” Caliban whispered to you.

“Caliban. Why must you insert yourself into our problems?” Sabrina snorted.

“’Brina. Stop. Enough already, the both of you. I think Caliban has proven himself worthy to be trusted by our group.” You gave her a glare and she gave in. “Besides, you guys need to figure out what the hell that was that hypnotized me and make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else in Greendale, ok? I’m going to go back to your place, ‘Brina, and sleep this day off.”

She gave you a warm smile. With that, you hugged the group, said your goodbyes and made your way back to the mortuary with Caliban.

As the group walked away to go figure out what was going in this carnival, you still sat on the ground.

“Are you ok to walk? We can wait here for a while, until you feel comfortable to go.” Caliban looked at you with sorrowful eyes.

“I’m totally good. Besides, I wanna get the hell out of here. I never want to see those pagans again.” You went to push yourself off the ground, as you stood for a second, to regain your balance, you wobbled and knew you were head straight for the ground. Caliban immediately caught you. Your hand grasped onto his upper arm. You looked up your savior. “You always seem to be saving me.”

“Someone’s got to” Caliban said in half whisper. “I’ll help you walk, just wrap your arm around my waist.” Your eyes went wide looking back up at the prince.

“Trust me, fae. I’m not going to try anything, especially since you’re incapacitated.” You gave a small laugh. He wrapped one of his hands around your waist the other held your arm that wrapped around his waist.

The two of you walked slowly towards the Spellman’s House, for you were too weak to partake in Caliban’s “fire transportation magic trick.”

Every now and then, you would look up at the Prince of Hell. The moon was perfectly accenting his facial features. You were careful not to stare too long, in case he caught you admiring him. “Like what you see, fae?” he said in a sarcastic tone.

‘How did he know?’ you gave a small laugh-cough. “No it’s just—ha! Umm, how much longer?”

“Well at this pace, we won’t be there until dawn.” Without even giving you a chance to respond, he hoisted you up into his arms, as if you were as light as a feather.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “What, fae? You said how long and that you wanted to get the hell out of there. And besides you’re too weak to walk, not to mention teleport.”

You shook your head in defeat.

Before you knew it, Caliban was setting you down, carefully, on the Spellman’s porch.

Surprisingly the lights weren’t on. You knew Sabrina and Nick wouldn’t be there, but were a little confused as to why the aunties weren’t. On your way in, you saw the guest house lights on. That was reassuring to know your mom was there. You sent her a text, letting her know that you were back safe, although she probably wouldn’t respond, for it was well past her bedtime.

You turned toward Caliban, not realizing his hand was still on your waist. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“You sure you’re going to be ok? I’m happy to escort you inside, fae.” “Caliban, I’m fine. I promise you.”

“Ok, well I’ll be out here. I’ll see you in the morning.” “What? What do you mean you’ll be out here?”

“You think I’m leaving you in this house alone? No way, fae.”

“It’s too cold out her—.”

“Fae, I’m the Prince of Hell. I don’t get cold.”

“Ok, well at least come inside for some tea.” You went to walk towards the door, and your legs felt like Jell-O. You started swaying to the left and Caliban caught you again.

“Ok, this is getting really old…” He laughed, wrapped his arm around your waist and walked you inside. You didn’t know how long he would stay, but it was nice to know you wouldn’t be alone tonight.

[chaos-in-bright-pink-hair-dye]

Honestly, at this point I just hope the DD tv show fizzles out as fast as the Nat Anthem comics have. Like, dudebros™️ are bound to happen if it gets anywere near the same amount of attention TUA has and like. If it gets to the point where we have a date announced and not some random article going "hint hint nudge nudge", I'm genuinely going to jump ship. Full stop.

Like, idk, the DD show has always been fun in theory because it was ours and we spent a lot of time dissecting it and stitching it back together without some of the ever-present flaws in canon as we saw fit, but no creator will ever take the time to do self-reflection on their work like that! Hell, I'm not even sure that's possible, as a writer and artist myself, because in that position you already know what you meant, so you can't begin to formulate what someone else might interpret your work as.

*infographic voice* And this is why sensitivity readers are important, kids! Don't be like Jared.

Anyways, I'm rambling and just waiting for the whole thing to blow over so I can go back to making silly little jokes about DD being a bury your gays story, g way plot hole mining business and mortuary service, and just the end of g way white-knighting. I am tired of these mcr bitches and if anyone has a problem with that you can send them right my way. ~ Maxx 🧷

Yeah like I don't really believe it will happen because no one actually important for a project like this said anything about it and few random articles dropping it out of blue don't seem like a very reliable source. And well if it really happens and the dudebros find this fandom my block list will just grow a little bit longer ig XD

It was fun when it was like haha what if? Nah that could never happen...unless? and even though, let's admit it, many of the ideas we as fandom came up with fucking sucked it was never real so it was just a great thing to laugh about.

Turning Danger Days into a show does need a lot of reflection on the whole story and changing many things for it to make sense which as you said they probably won't. Actually recently my friend read ttlotfk and even though she likes other similar media she was completely lost. So if they are really serious about this and don't find a way to communicate their expectations and ideas well they are digging themselves a hole to fall into because no one will enjoy the result, fans will be disappointed and others won't understand what's going on. Generally there's just so many flaws about this we could talk about it for days and days and not mention all of tem tbh

But you're right it's time to burry this underneath more posts that have literally nothing to do with canon, stupid little jokes and shit posts because we all know that this universe is ours at this point and everyone who thinks otherwise, including Mr Way himself, is making a fool of themselves

[theresebelivetirl]

Drunken Encounters

note: hi there, everyone! i decided to try my hand at a Zelda x reader fic. there will also most likely be a part two. i haven’t written in a while, but quarantine is giving me the motivation to do so! any feedback is appreciated, from the plot line to zelda’s portrayal, to the overall quality of my writing. if you guys think i should continue things like this, let me know !! this also was not a request, but feel free to request caos/doctor sleep related fics !

[ warnings: emetophobia, substance abuse, minimal mention of smut ]

word count: 1120

After spending the early hours of the morning at a local bar in Greendale, you finally decided to make your way back home at four o’clock in the morning. As of late, your home happened to be the Spellman Sisters’ Mortuary. After dropping out of college left you with no place to go, the Spellmans were kind enough to take you in. They promised you housing in exchange for labor, which was a small price to pay, in your eyes. However, the weeks of taxing work in the garden, organizing funerals, and tutoring Sabrina in whatever you could, had really started to take a toll on your mental and physical well-being. Hence, you decided to treat yourself to a night of fun, in which you were determined to drink yourself silly and truly make the best of it. Your intentions had proven successful as you clumsily barreled through the front door of the mortuary, scaring Salem. The bang you caused could have nearly woken the dead. “Sorry, Salem...” you slurred, followed by a giggle.

The familiar simply yowled in response and trotted off to find safe haven away from the intoxicated likes of you.

As you trampled through the kitchen, you managed to knock over most of the things in your wake.

Zelda, being the lightest sleeper of the Spellman family, had awoken from all of the noise. Much to her distaste, she hurried down the stairs to figure out the cause of the noise, half prepared to fight off a demon or intruder.

Zelda then walked to the kitchen, and stood in the entryway of the room, arms folded over her chest. She spotted you giggling to yourself, and rolled her eyes.

“Y/N,” she called, in a displeased tone. “What on earth are you doing making such noise at this unsatanly hour?”

You lazily turned your attention to the superior witch standing in the archway of the kitchen, and shot her a toothy smile.

“Hey, Zelds,” you replied sluggishly. “How ya doing?”

“I was perfectly fine before you started blustering about the kitchen like someone who is non compos mentis.”

“Non compost huh—?” you slurred, snorting in response. “You use big words sometimes, Zee.”

“Y/N, you seem dreadfully intoxicated.” There was an thick annoyance in Zelda’s voice now. “I don’t wish to make assumptions, but—“

“I know I am!” You beamed, proud of yourself. “I fffinally decided to treat myself, afffter all th’work i’ve been doin’ around here lately.”

Zelda’s hard gaze softened just momentarily, in response.

“Y/N, did you truly do this just because you feel overworked?”

You nodded. “Yeah. It’s alotta work bu’ I don’ complain ‘cause you’re lettin’ me live here. That means I have to keep my share or whatever.”

“Yes, but...if you feel that overworked, there are other arrangements that could be made.”

“Like what? Like maybe fucking you or somethin’?” you asked impishly, flashing another toothy smile.

Zelda’s pale face flushed almost immediately, the blush traveling all the way down to her chest.

“What—? No, of course not,” Zelda stuttered, taken by surprise. “Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. Perhaps a payment method, of some sort. Rent, or—“

“Don’t worry, Zelds,” you cut her off. “I know what this means, I seen it in movies. Bu’ I don’ mind. ‘Cause guess what..”

You sauntered over to her, getting rather close to her before dramatically whispering. “I kinda have a crush on you. But shhhh, you’re not supposed’ta know that.”

You were bent over laughing now, while Zelda stood next to you, mortified. “I also see you look at me, sometimes. I think you think I’m pretty!”

“This is entirely inappropriate, Y/N,” she replied, her tone hardening, “and I would appreciate it if you could find your way to your room.”

“I can’t do that. I can’t see ‘cause you’re being too loud.” You cackled at your own joke, which caused Zelda to angrily seize your arm—not enough to hurt, but enough to straighten your posture.

“I don’t take kindly to being embarrassed, Y/N.”

Part of you snapped out of your drunken stupor, and shrunk at her tone.

“I-I’m sorry, I—“ before you could get another word out, you vomited all over the floor, and all over the red sleeve of Zelda’s silk nightgown.

“Fuck,” you groaned, Zelda’s grip slackening as she recoiled.

She turned away then, taking a deep breath before straightening up and regaining her composure.

“We need to get you to bed. A glass of water and an aspirin wouldn’t hurt, either. Come.”

After carelessly cleaning herself off, Zelda took a hold of your arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, grabbed you by the waist with her free hand, and pulled you into her side. She then lead you up the stairs and into your room.

“Lie down in bed. I’ll return momentarily.”

Once you were safely in bed, Zelda left and, moments later, returned with a glass of water, an aspirin, a bucket, and a hair ribbon to tie up your long hair.

She placed the bucket at your side, and sat behind you on the bed, beginning to pull your hair back into a loose ponytail.

At this point, you began to gain some sort of consciousness back, and you felt the slightest twinge of embarrassment and regret.

“Zelda—“

“No. We’ll talk in the morning. We will also arrange a new way for you to repay us. You are working yourself into a stupor, and I don’t wish to be seen as your jailer.”

“But I said—“

“Mm, I know.” Her tone was quieter, gentler than before. “We’ll talk about that, too. Rest, Y/N. I’m just in the next room, if you need me.”

She rose then, resting a lingering hand on your upper back as she did so.

“Goodnight.”

With that, she turned the lights out and left you alone in your room.

The feeling of dread was intensifying in your gut, and moments later you vomited again. And again and again until you began to see the sun peaking through the trees. Each time you vomited, more consciousness was regained. By the time you had finished, you were in tears, hardly able to comprehend the awful thing that you had said to Zelda. What you did know, however, was that she now knew the thing you feared her finding out the most. There was not much you could do, at that point, and the energy expended from vomited left you feeling utterly drained and exhausted. Your body soon betrayed your worried mind, and collapsed into the warm cushions of the bed. You slept off the remainder of your intoxication, dreaming of a world in which Zelda Spellman did not know of your feelings.

[ read part 2 here ]

[hallospaceboyy]

hello! if it’s okay could i have a really fluffy and cute zelda spellman x reader where they’re not together yet but they’re best friends with a ‘special connection’ lmao and they’re out shopping for clothes together? the end and everything else is up to you (but please - happy ending lol i angst is good but i love cute and happy thing endings more! haha)

I Heard Your Heart Beating

Since becoming best friends with Zelda, you had been almost inseparable. You came to the Spellman house most mornings, had coffee with Zelda, chatted idly with Zelda, and Zelda often read her paper to you, in whichever language she had chosen that day, and then translated it for you. You helped her with menial tasks around the house, file paperwork for the mortuary, made her tea, and before you knew it, it was evening and you spent dinner with the Spellmans too.

You never thought that your fondness towards the redhead was anything more than a deep seated, trusting friendship. But you saw the way Hilda, Sabrina and Ambrose watched you both, then glanced at each other. They shared small smirks as they watched your exchanges with Zelda, and then you began to wonder if you might love her a little more than one loves a friend.

Today, Zelda has convinced you to accompany her on a shopping trip, and you begrudgingly agreed. As you pull into the car park, you grumble and Zelda rolls her eyes.

“Oh, stop complaining. We're only going to one store. I need a few new dresses, that’s all. Perhaps you’ll find something you like too.” Zelda chuckles as you poke your tongue out at her, and you pout as you follow her into the shop.

Unsurprisingly, the shop Zelda has chosen, for the most part, stocks dark colours. Dresses in rich burgundy, navy blue, royal blue, emerald green, and black adorn the racks, and there's a whole section dedicated to blazers. The whole shop screams Zelda, and you find yourself smirking at the predictability of the woman.

“Wow, it's like this shop was made for you.”

“Maybe it was.” You squint at her, and she grins. “Come, I want you to try something on too. It’ll be fun.”

Your heart almost stops beating in your chest at the thought of being in the same changing room as Zelda. She'll most likely want you to join her, ask your opinions on the clothes she's chosen, and you flush as you suddenly think of her stood before you unclothed.

“Y/N!” Zelda snaps when she turns to see you stood dumbly rooted to the spot, and you blink away the image, quickly scurrying after her.

Zelda picks out a tight, lacy knee length dress in royal blue, adorned with patterned gold buttons, and a floor length red gown, with a decidedly low neckline, and a slit all the way up to the thigh. She grabs a black dress from the rack, simple, with a sequined bodice, and holds it out to you.

“That will look nice on you. Try it on for me?” You blush and nod, snatching the dress from her, and take a deep breath when Zelda turns and flounces toward the changing rooms. Zelda pulls back the curtain to one cubicle, and you quickly skirt around her, heading for the cubicle directly beside hers. The redhead’s pale hand comes out to grab your forearm, and she tugs you in with her, pulling the curtain shut behind you.

“Don’t be silly, you can come in here with me.” She smiles and hangs up her dresses, then eyes you curiously. “You're acting strange today. Is everything alright?” She begins to unbutton her dress, and your eyes widen, instantly averting to the floor.

“Um, yeah. I’m fine.” You hear her shuffle as she shrugs the dress from her shoulders, and when you glance up she's wearing only a black silk bra and thong, and a matching garter holding up her stockings. You blush profusely, can’t stop your eyes from raking down her form, taking in the swell of her breasts as she bends down to pick up her dress from the floor, her thin, yet muscular arms, the silky smooth expanse of her stomach, the curve of her ass. Her skin is milk white, and beautiful, and you wonder how you had never noticed her in this way before – or perhaps you had. You swallow thickly, and when you tear your gaze back up to Zelda's face, you find that she has caught you staring. Your entire face feels hot now, and the flush has spread to your chest, visible in your V neck blouse.

There’s a sparkle of amusement in Zelda's green eyes, and she's smirking. You tear your gaze from her entirely, quickly begin tugging off your blouse. You don’t know why you think beginning to undress will diffuse the situation, but you are supposed to be trying a dress on, and you're hoping that by complying with Zelda's wishes, she will not relentlessly tease you for so obviously checking her out. You now stand there in your bra and skirt, and Zelda is closer to you now, and you’re already too close to the wall to step back.

“Do you see something you like, darling?” Zelda hums, and you roll your eyes, finally looking at her.

“Zelda, don’t make fun, please.” You beg, and when Zelda sees you genuinely upset by the situation, her self satisfied smirk falls, replaced by a look of concern.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean-"

“It's fine.” You interrupt, and you wrap your arms around your bare torso then, not knowing what to do. Zelda's hand reaches out, and she strokes your cheek, tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. Your eyes flutter closed, and you lean into her touch.

“It's okay, you know.” Zelda murmurs, and her voice is soft, affectionate, like her touch.

“What is?”

“Feelings. I have them too. For you.” Zelda gently grips your chin, tilting her head so you’ll look at her, and you do, eyes flitting over the soft features of her face. You marvel at the slight wrinkles between sweeping, arched brows, the mole at her temple, the lines at the edges of her eyes, her perfectly sculpted nose, so delicately pointed, the subtle cleft in her chin – you can only think that you had been taking this face for granted, this face that was surely carved by beings lost long ago, beings that carved deities and gods in stone, rendered to be worshipped, revered.

You lurch forward and press your lips to hers, shaking hands coming to rest on pale, bare waist, and Zelda shudders, kisses you back with equal fervour. You pull her against you, and then Zelda is pressing you back against the wall, you swallow a moan as her hot skin presses to yours. Her hands cup your cheeks, tangle into your hair, and when your tongues entwine, you both release a low hum. You break away, gasping for air and leaning your head against the thin plaster. You can't stop staring.

“You’re exquisite, Zelda Spellman. So beautiful.” You chuckle when Zelda blushes, and then she kisses you again, long and hard, and her teeth rake along your jaw, and you instantly tilt your head, biting your lip to stifle a moan. Her lips are attacking your neck, kissing, licking, sucking, biting, and your breathing is becoming erratic.

“Zel-Zelda...” You whisper, weakly pushing her away, although you don’t want to, not really. Zelda pouts, and it looks almost comical, with her lipstick faded and smudged.

“I don’t want our first time to be here. With only a curtain for privacy and the risk of being arrested.” Zelda laughs, and you roll your eyes, but can’t help laughing with her. You both quickly dress, the garments you had both previously planned to try on now forgotten, and as Zelda pulls back the curtain, you glance at the full length mirror, and your mouth gapes.

“Zelda!” Your neck is dotted with hickeys, some small and red, others considerably bigger, and dark purple, and when you look at Zelda with wide eyes she grins. “Your niece and nephew are going to tease me to no end about this.” Zelda barks a laugh, then takes your hand and pulls you from the cubicle.

“Come on, no one is home anyway. Not until tomorrow. They will most definitely tease you then, but you’ll also be considerably more... relaxed, after spending the night with me.” The redhead winks, and you shake your head in mock irritation, but you don’t let go of her hand, and she doesn't let go of yours, as you leave the shop and head for the car.

[ryxishein]

June 3, 2020 // 23:08

She didn’t need to say it.

Her name. Everyone had heard of her. Everyone who mattered and didn’t knew of her. The face of Springlake High School. Vanessa Adams—Goddess Venus herself. She starred in various magazines. Millions of people following her in all of her social media accounts. She was pretty much equal with the celebrities and artist in terms of fame. Now that she had finish high school, she can enter the Entertainment Industry. Of course she would have chosen to be a star a little earlier but her dad insisted she at least finish high school.

So, when the last bell rang, signaling the end of the school year, she proudly announced that she would have a party at her place the same night. Everyone came—at least everyone who gained the favor of young beautiful Vanessa.

Everyone was having a blast. The beat of the music overlapping with the radiating neon lights. The drunken gazes exchanged between dancing bodies. The intoxicating liquor running in every pulsating veins. The night was endless.

Vanessa was cuddling with her boyfriend slash captain of the soccer team slash smartest boy in school, Bryan James in the sofa. Although the place was loud, the only thing Vanessa could her was the raspy voice of Bryan whispering in her ears and the beating of her heart. She was always playing around with boys but when she met Bryan, everything just seemed to matter. The things she took for granted suddenly became important. The boring stuffs became fun. It’s like when she’s with him, she can see the beauty of the little things. Only Bryan could make her feel that way.

“Promise me you won’t change,” Bryan whispered as he intertwined his hand with hers and kissed it. Her face flushed and a curl at the end of her lips formed.

“What are you talking about? Of course I won’t! Silly Bryan!” Vanessa answered between giggles. She put her hand on his cheek and kissed him.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” he said while catching his breath. “Come on!” He grabbed her hand and led her to the billiard table where everyone was playing. He whispered something to the person who was taking his turn to play and they grinned. The man left laughing and Bryan looked at her teasingly.

“What are you doing?” She asked, hiding her laugh. She didn’t know what Bryan was up to but she knew him enough to know he was doing something unexpected—maybe something for her. She blushed at the thought.

“Springlake High!” he shouted. He didn’t let go of her hand. Everyone looked at them. Even the people at the pool started gathering. She looked at him confused and tightened her grip. “Is everyone having fun? Yeah! Let’s give a hand to the pride of Springlake—Vanessa!” They all started shouting her name, clapping their hands. She even heard someone say “Vanessa, make me your slave!” She just laughed, embarrassed.

“Yeah! Shouldn’t the beautiful woman herself make a speech for us?” He said teasingly and looked at her. She was flustered but everyone was yelling her name with anticipation. This silly boy, she thought.

She raised her free hand as if to admit defeat. The yelling became louder. Bryan whispered in her ear. “I know you’ll nail it baby.”

He lead her at the top of the billiard table. She noticed that there was now a chair to help her climb up. That was probably what they were whispering about, she said in her mind.

While she was climbing up, guided by Bryan’s hands. She couldn’t help but be proud. Everyone loves her. She has a caring boyfriend. Her family supports her. She has a career waiting for her. She couldn’t ask for more. There were obstacles but despite that, everything was now perfect.

She couldn’t hear anything anymore, only the loud beating of her heart as she walks at the center of the table taking her time. It was like everything was in slow motion. She took a deep breath to wash off the overwhelming sensation running through her.

She could hear them back now. The yells were back. Vanessa opened her eyes immediately as she heard them. Instead of yells, they were like screams, shrieks, or cries for help. What was happening? She could no longer feel the warm hand of Bryan in her hand.

And suddenly, everything fell silent. She was panicking inside but she put on a brave front and faced what was behind her. Was she imagining them? She slowly turned around.

What she saw was red. Cold blood red splattered everywhere. She looked at the windows which were now dyed red with blood. The sofa where she and Bryan cuddled was dripping with red liquid. Bryan! she said in her mind.

She turned her head to where Bryan should be but all she saw was a cut in his throat and a slash on his face. Red oozed out of his body and showered him with his own blood. She was about to jump down when she realized there was another living person in the room, standing just beside Bryan’s body.

“Who are you? Did you do this?” Vanessa shouted as she fell on her knees, crying. She heard the tapping of the person’s feet as it made its way towards her. She couldn’t look up. She was overwhelmed with fear, and shock, and pain.

She felt the person’s hand touch her. Its hand was wet with blood. Vanessa didn’t know what to do. Tears overflowed in her beautiful face and her voice was filled with horror. The person gripped her chin upwards so they could see eye to eye.

The first thing Vanessa noticed was the slash in the person’s face. Next was revenge in her eyes. She knew this person. It was Polly Ambers. The girl she so hardly want to forget.

“Beautiful Vanessa, even though you’re crying, you’re still beautiful. It’s unfair, isn’t it?” Polly said slowly. Her breath was ragged and she smelled of rotten corpse and wet earth. Vanessa was shivering. “Remember me?”

“Polly?” Vanessa was stuttering as she said her name. She never thought she’d see her again. “I thought you were dead,” Vanessa added. She couldn’t make of anything that was happening. Was this an imposter? Was this a prank? Polly was inches in front of her but she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Polly tightened her grip on Vanessa’s face.

“Oh, I am dead. It was you who killed me after all,” Polly answered. Although there was teasing in her voice, her face was serious. Vanessa remembered Polly quite vaguely. It was raining that night. She was drunk and out of her mind. There was a party held outside of the city and she was heading home. Everything happened so fast that the only thing she could remember was a loud thud and her car spinning and stopping abruptly. The moment she woke up she was in a hospital and her mom telling her everything was alright. She didn’t know what happened and heard later on that she accidentally killed somebody. She visited the mortuary without anyone knowing and what she saw there was a girl, heavily bruised with a slash on her face. She never went to the funeral nor went outside after that. The slashed face haunted her for months, in her dreams, in her room, in her mind. It was only because she met Bryan that she managed to get herself together.

“You were forgetting Vanessa,” Polly said, her eyes staring at Vanessa’s smooth cheek. “I couldn’t handle that,” she added. She touched Vanessa’s cheek with her free hand. Her nails pushed down deeply in her cheeks, they almost tore. Vanessa was still sobbing.

“Your face is painfully beautiful, I wanna mark it. Just like what you did to me.” Polly said in gritted teeth, emphasizing each word. And then she grinned, a grin so horrible, it made the slash on her face ooze with blackish blood and rotting worms.

The next thing Vanessa knew was that there was loud thud and her head was spinning and her heart stopping abruptly.

The following days, the whole city—the whole world was talking about of the massacre that took place at the Adams’ residence. How each students were found dead with a cut on their throat and slash on their faces. But what made this massacre peculiar was that young beautiful Vanessa, the face of Springlake High, was found dead not with a cut on her throat nor a slash on her face. It was even argued if it was even Vanessa for what they saw was a girl with her face peeled off from her own and an endless amount of cuts on her body. Young beautiful Vanessa was no more.

—i’ve always liked writing but i just didn’t know how and when to start (plus im incredibly lazy) but this is one of the few stories i wrote during quarantine. i beg y’all for some tips on how to improve my writing pls?