#and Lia wanted to take her mother with her. that hurts so damn much.

[sunsetovertheocean]

Ok, the ending of Lia's section in Twelve? I have actually never recovered from that.

[lostinforestbound]

I actually wrote this fic back in January, before ever making a tumblr! I had the idea for a while and I wanted to get it out there even if no one would see it, and now it's at over 100 kudos! Never would I have ever thought the fic would be seen this much, and I'm grateful that people like it! This is also an exploration of Rolan's insecurity and guilt being part of Cal and Lia's lives. Enjoy the tumblr version!

Rolan/GN!Tav

Look Away for a Minute

Rolan is frustrated by how his mind constantly clings to the past. It refuses to move on, and he should be over it by now...right? OR A nightmare tortures Rolan in the night, but Tav is there to help him through it.

Word Count: 3k (AO3)

Relevant Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Nightmare sequence, Mentions of abuse, Mentions of vomiting, Rolan's POV

The crushing pressure of hands around Rolan's throat is too much, cutting off his airway so he couldn’t breathe, and so tight that it could snap his neck in any moment. His sharp nails desperately scrape at the wrists positioned there, trying to find a breath that will never come, his tail lashing out from under him. He wants to fight harder, kick until his bones crack, scream until his voice is gone, bite until his jaw locks and breaks his teeth, but an unrelenting fear paralyzes him in place.

He can’t see the face above him through unfocused eyes; it's cast in an unnatural shadow with cruel blue irises staring down at him. It's unblinking, watching him struggle with a lack of reaction as his throat goes dry as sand, the urge to cough rising in need.

Lorroakan.

Rolan rasps, his nails- his claws leaving angry red welts across Lorroakan's forearms. He didn’t know the answer. What was the gods damned answer? Was it something about divination runes? The creation of the Weave? Or was it the Spellplague in the Year of Blue Fire? N-No, no, it had to be about the Nightsong, the relic that he so aggressively sought after. He can still fix this! He can correct himself and apologize. He'll grovel if he has to, knock his own pride down a few pegs to be more convincing and pathetic, just as his mentor wants him to be. He can do better, he has to do better, for Cal and Lia. After what they've both been through for him, for this damn apprenticeship he wanted so badly, it is the least he can do for them. He will-

“What is this, hm?”

Another face appears above him, one he should be so familiar with but it faded so much over time. It's been so many years since he looked at her portrait, one that was gifted to him by Cal when he was welcomed into their little family; he couldn't bear to look at it again, not after her funeral. Her eyes are just as vicious as Lorroakan’s, but she is someone Rolan fears much more. It makes his blood run cold, body shaking as if he was dunked in the frozen waters of Neverwinter.

“You were the sweetest child, but I see who you are now: A manipulator, and a thief.”

Please, no-

“You stole my family, little one. You stole them away for me. Did you wait idly for me to die in order to take them for yourself?”

The moment he tries to tear his eyes away, a new set of hands forces his head still with a grip on his face, maintaining the eye contact. He chokes still, desperate tears filling his eyes as his struggle intensifies. The tiefling couldn't even give her the courtesy of pleading for mercy, or to apologize, he just wanted to run away; after all, he is a coward. One who couldn't even look at a portrait of the person he thought of as his own mother.

These hands have delicate fingers but are just as tight, enough to bruise his fragile jaw; when did he get so small? “Little Rolan, a greedy child. I gave you my home, I fed you warm meals, and I gave you a bed; was that not enough for you? A selfish boy you are! A pitiful thing. The one time I feed a stray, he comes back for more. He takes and takes and never stops. They don’t need you like you need them. They don’t even want you.“

He knows, he knows that uncomfortably well, but by the gods does he need them. He needs them so badly. If they were gone, he would have nothing else.

He feels himself grow limp as more unnerving words are whispered. Most of it he can’t even register anymore, but he knows one thing for sure.

“They would be better off without you burdening them.”

He wakes with a sharp gasp, sitting up with a disoriented mind with wide golden eyes. Instinctively, he digs his nails into his neck, but it takes him a long moment to realize that there is no hands there, no hands to choke him. He breathes in heavy to get air in his lungs, heart racing as he takes in the dark room around him. He’s in his bedroom. He’s not on the cold wood or even in his workspace inside the tower, where he used to be tutored. He’s alive. He's not suffocating. He’s not dying. He’s not dying. Everything is as it should be.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he tries to breathe through his rising panic, but it's not working; every time he sucks air in, it's never enough. He either ends up coughing or barely breathing at all. Nothing and everything feels real at the same time, is he even in the room? The silence presses against his ears, making him feel so, so isolated in the worst way possible. Lorroakan is dead. He can’t hurt him anymore, so why does he still dream of him?

Why does he still dream of her?

“Rolan…” A sleepy voice mutters, before he feels steady arms wrap around his waist, pulling him into another body. He bristles momentarily, almost spiraling into panic once more until he realizes who it is that holds him.

It’s warm, and it’s secure.

It's Tav. It’s safe.

He lets out an exhausted, shaky sigh, leaning back into the hold. His skin glistens from the cold sweat he woke up to. When he lifts up his hands to try and hold theirs, he sees how much they shake; his fingers twitch uncontrollably, and he idly notices that there were small sparks of magic attempting to get conjured. The spell is unrecognizable with how unstable it looks, he can't tell which one it is. Mage Armor? Magic Missile? Thunderwave?-

He feels Tav leave gentle kisses on the back of his neck and across his shoulder blades, making his internal questions pause. “Are you alright?” They question softly, but they know the answer; they know him too well, but it seems they want to hear him say it anyways.

A deep breath echoes in the bedroom, and he squeezes his eyes shut once more as the energy fades from his hands. “No.”

“Do you wish to speak on it?”

“No.”

“For later then. Come here.” They murmur, pulling him to lay back down.

He relents, but he feels disgusting with all the sweat. Gods, why is he sweating so much, and why does he feel cold? The dream was over, it was done.

Tav did not seem to mind the fact he clings to them, turning and letting him hide his face in their neck. It was a little awkward with the horns, but they make it work with their chin resting on his head. He feels their hand start to scratch at his scalp, and the amount of relief that gives him is absolutely embarrassing. His tail curls around their leg to keep them close, and the comforting sensations almost make him want to cry. They peck the top of his head, nuzzling into his sweat damp hair.

He doesn’t deserve this. He really doesn’t.

He’s unsure how long they lay there, it was mostly him trying to calm his heart. He feels fingers gently trace the ridges on his skin, cautious in how they touch. They were sensitive, and the trailing warmth made him shiver. He knows they’re trying to distract him; It’s sweet of them, truly, but his depression grips his chest so deeply. Usually he can handle these on his own. He’s a confident man, and he knows he has Cal and Lia by his side. That they want to stay by his side. If they thought anything else, they wouldn't stay in this tower he took over after the death of his teacher.

But some days are like these, where he can barely move and thinks he deserves nothing after butting into a family that will never be his.

Tav shouldn’t have to deal with this, though they think otherwise, it seems. It isn’t the first time this happened, he's had night terrors that sent him in a panic so bad he vomited and he can't even remember what it was even about. It bewildered and embarrassed him, but Tav didn't even say anything about it, they only cleaned him and the mess up as if it was not a problem. It won’t be the last time this will occur, no matter how much he wants it to be. But that’s what Tav signed up for, happily. They wanted Rolan, with all of his flaws and night terrors.

They shift slightly, pulling Rolan's body on top of them so he can rest there, arms snaking around his waist. Holding him close, their grip was loose in case this wasn’t okay. But Rolan only lays limply against them, energy gone but unable to go back sleep.

He just sees eyes.

“-ght, Rolan?”

Oh, they’re calling him. He can’t force his tongue to work. It feels heavy in his mouth.

They push some hair away from his eyes before cupping his jaw. “My love,” He listens, but their voice is muffled when it tries to reach his ears, a constant ring blocking the sound. It’s so loud. So loud. So loud-

A part of him startles when they start rubbing at his ears. They’re particularly sensitive, they know this after nibbling on them at some point in an attempt to be playful, and it’s enough to make him whine at the touch.

“Rolan,” They murmur, kissing him right between the eyes. “Come back to me, lovely. You'll be okay; you're with me, yes?”

He wants to believe that, even just for a little bit.

He buries his face in their chest, wanting to lay there. To be held, to be comforted. Doesn’t he deserve that after all the bullshit he’s been through? After the torture, the pain, the loneliness?

No.

No he doesn’t, and the thought alone makes him want to drink until he's numb, just like at Last Light Inn, where he thought his siblings, his only family, were dead and gone. Or possibly being tortured at Moonrise Towers. He doesn't know which one was worse to think about, his imagination knowing no bounds in its creativity. What would they have done, if the True Souls decided to hurt them? Would they take their eyes and cut out their tongues like how they did with Asharak-

Before his mind could grow darker, thumbs continue stroking his pointy ears as Tav speaks, “What’s the difference between Transmutation and Evocation? I keep forgetting...” Tav quizzes, feigning innocence.

A foolish question, even a child could answer it…but it’s distracting.

“Transmutation will physically alter the form of an object, or fundamentally change something in its entirety. Evocation is damaging effects mostly used in combat, but will also be used to heal wounds, as you see with clerics.”

“And what is another school useful in combat?”

“Abjuration; it specializes in defense protocols but some spells can be useful in combat, like Counterspell.”

They hum at the response, pulling him up more to kiss his forehead, right between his devilish horns. “You’re so smart, Master Rolan.”

He lets out a stuttering breath. Gods, this night is awful. He feels awful, Tav shouldn't have to deal with this.

When they suddenly start to sit up, his already fragile heart dropped into his nauseated stomach. Did they get sick of him already? Are they going to leave? Will they-

“Let’s take a bath.”

This snaps him out of his raging thoughts, staring at their eyes. "It’s late,” He states after a long moment of contemplating.

“So? Who’s going to be knocking on our door telling us not to take a bath in our own home? It’s your tower,” They say, helping him sit up as well before smiling teasingly. “Let’s take a bath, I’m sure being all sweaty is grossing you out.”

He is reluctant, but doesn’t say no when they help him out of the bed. It felt as if his body refused to move. It’s tense and rigid, his tail curled around his own leg. He can't look at them, and he’s unsure if it’s out of shame or out of fear. Fear of what? Tav? No, no! That would be idiotic to fear them. They love him. He loves them. He loves them so much it hurts. If he could rip out his very soul and gift it to them, he would do so without a second thought.

Their hand holds his firmly, something to ground him into their reality, and they lead him towards their private bathing room, decorated in lovely tapestries with a variety of colors. Some have subtle designs and are more abstract, while others have vivid images of Tav's heroics of Baldur's Gate. It's a courtesy of some citizens that they were gifted, but he cannot tell yet if they even like them there or not; still, he hung them up high for display because...well, he is so proud of them, how could he not be? He certainly thinks some of them are tacky, and he voices that opinion often, and it always makes his love laugh. The sweet, delicate smell of lavender hits his senses after Tav fills their large basin with water, bubbles forming almost instantly.

He watches their movements, seeing them strip off their clothes and kicking them off the side before they approach him again. Their hands smooth over his forearms, and they peck his nose as they unlace his trousers, stripping him as well. He lets them, a feral instinct inside of him begging for the touch, begging for any form of love they’re willing to give. He wants all of it, and he’s selfish for it.

They lead him into the basin first, getting in themselves after he’s settled. They then gently turn him around so he could press his back against their chest. It would be easier to wash his hair this way.

Both of them exchange no words, they only bathe Rolan while they hum to themselves, as if this was normal. This isn’t normal. He doesn’t deserve to be pampered when he’s done absolutely nothing to earn it. But he’s also too weak to resist.

So he lets them run their fingers through his hair, their nails scratching his scalp and rubbing the soap in. He closes his eyes when requested, letting the warm wash over him. Even when his hair and body are clean from the cold sweat, Tav insists on massaging his shoulders, working out any knots he may have. Being the master of a tower is stressful, after all.

During this he zones out, the silence deafening him as his thoughts run rampant once more. He hears them speak to him but the phrases never form coherently. Flashes of the dream drag him down into a form of despair, boring into him like ice pick.

His eyes start to sting, but then his worst fear comes to life; he starts to weep. He’s cried very few times in his life, and even then, those few times they at least warranted tears. He was allowed to cry. But this? In front of Tav and over a gods damned dream?

It only gets worse, because the weeping turns into full blown sobs, body curling forward with his face almost touching the dirty water as he hugs himself tight. His body thinks it’s in danger, somehow, and he can’t pull himself together. Voices tell him he’s nothing and deserves nothing.

Tav soothes him, leaning over him and littering kisses across his shoulders. They say nothing, and he’s thankful for it. He can’t imagine trying to speak in this state, when he tries his words die on his tongue. It's as if like he’s choking all over again, and the urge to cough grows.

Eventually his sobs delude to into sniffles and barely silent whimpers. Tav still doesn’t speak, nuzzling into the soaked skin on the back of his neck. When he calms down, Tav helps him out of the basin after getting out themselves, drying him off and changing him into new night clothes, one that was clean and softer than the one he chose before. He felt pathetic not being able to change himself, but he had no will to do so.

“I’m sorry,” He hears himself croak out. “You should be sleeping.”

Gods, they shouldn't have to even deal with him. What he went through is only a fraction of what they've been through. They saved the entire Sword Coast, possibly the entire world from the Absolute, all while they had a damn tadpole in their heads threatening to turn them and their friends into illithids. Yet, they're doing so gods damn well in their lives, a greedy part of him thinking it's unfair. Why are they fine while he is not? How did they do it?

“There’s nothing to apologize for. You had a bad dream, it happens more often than you would think,” They say, tracing their lips against his cheek while he processes the implication of their statement. “We don’t have to talk about it now. Just know that I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Though he lacks the energy for it, his mind wants to kiss them so deeply a never let go. He wants to drown in them, in their scent, in their body- damn it all, why is he so needy? He hates- no, he loathes how needy he is, how fucking desperate he gets. It's pathetic; he is so utterly pathetic. Pitiful. Miserable.

When they pull him back to their shared bed and lay down once more, they let him get as close as he wants, and he is thankful for it. It ends up with arms around them tight, him burying his face into their neck while his tail curls around their thigh. He wants to be close tonight, a silent plea for them to let him know everything is okay.

So they indulge his wish, playing with his hair all the while. He probably won’t sleep much tonight, but that’s okay by them, they always preach. It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last, and they can and will live with that.

Healing is never linear, after all.

[fic--writer]

A surprise for Rolan

Tav and Rolan have a complicated relationship. He wants a quiet life, and she still longs for adventure. One day, endless arguments lead Tav to go on a journey. She has been away from the tower for six months, but circumstances force her to visit the tower's master again.

"Oh! Is that you? Of course it's you!" - Rolan slams the door in her face, not wanting to see her again. She had caused him too much pain. He thought he'd been abandoned and now she dares to show up unannounced.

"Please, please open the door. I have something to tell you." - Tav sighed regretfully and crouched down against the closed door. - "Okay, I'll just wait here until you're choking on book dust in your damn office."

Fifteen minutes later, the infernal screaming subsided and the door was ajar.

"Rolan, all I'm asking is that you listen to me. And... I have a surprise for you..."

"Zurgan! Tav, I'm not interested in your handouts. I literally begged you not to leave me, but your stupid adventures were more important to you. More important than me, more important than everything we've built and achieved, more important than our..."

She knew there was no stopping his tirade. She knew he was right, she knew how unfairly she'd hurt him. And so, without further explanation, she threw her baggy cloak to the ground. The buckle of his belt clanked on the floor and the Archmage looked back at the sound.

His face changed in an instant. He saw what he thought was his ex-girlfriend in a very interesting position. She carried the little troglodyte inside her. And he could count too fast in his head to realize that she was carrying HIS troglodyte.

He went over to her and put his hand on her round belly. Why hadn't she told him before? Was she afraid of him, thinking he would reject her? There was a wall of misunderstanding in their relationship, but this...

"That's the surprise, isn't it, Tav?" - Rolan still couldn't take his eyes off her new form.

"So you like it?" - She didn't know what to ask.

"Do i like it? You know, I love my family, unlike ... Oh, shit." - he paused and offered her a chair.

"I want to call her Lora" - Tav announced as she sat down in the chair. - "Just so you know, before she rips my body apart with her horns."

"What?! Tieflings aren't born with horns, they grow them after birth." - Rolan laughed nervously, pouring her tea. He tried to hide his fear behind that laugh, but it would take him some time to get used to the idea of having a daughter. His daughter.

"That's all right, we'll fill in the gaps in your education, ignoramus. But I have to wonder if you're planning to have a baby and leave it here with me, Lia and Cal and go off on your own adventures?"

"I'd like to grow she here, with you in the tower, if you don't mind." - Tav sipped her drink and crossed her arms over her bulging belly.

"You didn't think I'd kick out the mother of my child, did you?"

"I don't even know if you've got someone..."

"Oh, you'd know for sure if you'd written me a one damn letter!" - He burst out again.

A strange noise and fiddling was heard in the hallway. And the Archimage went to investigate.

Outside the door, Lia grabbed him by the collar and huffed:

"I don't care what you had going on before. From now on, I forbid you to hurt her. You hear me, you red-ass bastard?" - she shook him like a mother cat to a careless kitten.

"Ouch, easy!" - he whined.

"Be fucking civil, Daddy." - Cal added, tugging on his tail and shoving him back into the office.

A chilled Rolan went over to Tav and hugged her:

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, for the love of all the gods, I have no idea how hard this has been for you." - His mind was back and he knelt down beside her, pulled up her blouse and kissed her belly. Not because he was afraid of his brother and sister, but because he wanted to do it himself.

And he never again reminded her of that not-so-easy time in their lives.

Inspired by this art.

[theofficiallittlegodfathersblog]

Book/Film Tropes

Big Bad: Tregor starts out as this, but it doesn't last, as Rick saves him from being eaten.

Big Damn Heroes: In the climax, Maja and Rick arrive Just In Time to save their son from the cockatrice.

The Cutie: Tali.

Dead Hat Shot: Subverted. Someone finds what they think is one of Peter's shoes floating in a retention pond after the boy runs away from home. Everyone sighs a breath of relief when Maja sees it and doesn't recognize it.

Easily Forgiven: Tregor threatens to eat the kids, and later tries to kill Rick. However, Maja and Rick forgive him and don't press charges.

Foreshadowing: While discussing the Forest of No Return, Old Man Sherman mentions its various dangers:

Sherman: Not just monsters of every kind, but bandits, too...

Ghibli Hills: The Forest of No Return, when it's not being dark and scary, is made of rolling hills and dense forest.

Green-Eyed Monster: Tregor towards Rick, since he's also in love with Maja and is jealous that she chose Rick over him.

Happily Adopted: Snap, Tali and Lia in the end.

Happy Ending: Peter returns home safe and sound, as does the cockatrice chick, and his orphaned friends are adopted. Even the Big Bad finds his true love and reforms!

It's All About Me: Snap tends to be a bit self centered sometimes.

I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Tregor comes to this decision when he talks to Maja and realizes how much she loves Rick and how happy he makes her.

Keet: Tali is excitable and full of energy.

Love at First Sight: Maja and Rick, Tregor and Sharon.

Mama Bear: Maja practically searches nearly the whole of Heart Island in her search for Peter.

Missing Child: Peter running away from home to return the cockatrice's egg and getting lost makes up the plot. It goes off the rails when the townspeople find a kid's sneaker in the pond and fear that Peter has drowned.

Murder the Hypotenuse: Tregor actually tries to kill Rick so that he can finally have Maja for himself. Thankfully he gets better.

Nice Guy: Peter’s quite friendly and is even willing to bring a cockatrice egg to its mother.

Plucky Girl: Lia.

Save the Villain: During the climax, Tregor tries to kill Rick and ends up tumbling into the father cockatrice's line of sight. Just as Tregor is about to get eaten, Rick immediately scrambles to his rescue.

Scenery Porn: In spite of being inhabited by terrifying monsters, the Forest of No Return is just beautiful.

Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Maja is noticeably taller than Rick.

Villainous Crush: Tregor towards Maja. Though it's actually Subverted since he's not actually a villain at all, he's just hurt and sad that the woman he is in love with loves somebody else, at one point attempting to take out his misery on her son and three other kids.

"Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: The credits show scenes from the kids' lives following the story.

Yandere: Tregor's unrequited love for Maja shows shades of this, the most evident being that he's willing to kill her husband Rick in order to finally have a chance with her.

Youkai: The two-mouthed woman (Sharon) Tregor falls for near the end of the story.

[mrpenguinpants]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha. 

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

  @mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife  @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki​

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos. 

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.  

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok? 

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished. 

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways. 

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing? 

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out. 

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”. 

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

---

God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

[angelsswirl]

Aftersome

Mistakes

Rating: M

Wrd Cnt: 1k

Notes: hehe oops

How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22

Lia's eyes widened. Her voice squeaked and her palms started to sweat.

"He-ey, Moms! What are you doing here?" Better yet, how did you find her?

"You know exactly what we're doing here." Jisoo said. Not bothering at all to hide her glare.

"N-no I don't."

"Babe! Who's at the door?"

"Shit."

"Yeah. Shit is right." Jisoo slapped her hand down on the back of Lia's neck, grabbing onto her shoulder. She pushed Lia back into the house in such a way that it looked like Lia was leading her.

"It's my parents...yay."

You decided now would be a good time to break the tension. You stuck out your hand towards the woman behind your daughter.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Y/N and this is Jisoo."

"Wendy. I've heard so much about you."

"Wish I could say the same."

Lia glared at you, then promptly remembered that she's scared of you, so she stops immediately.

The tiny pitter patter of feet quickly approach the group.

You and Jisoo look down at the child, then back to Lia in unison.

Where are those damn sinkholes when you need them?

"What the fuck, kid?"

"I'm not a kid anymore, Mom."

"Is that what this is about?"

"What? No. I-ugh-I just wanted some time to myself. You and mom were fighting and I just wanted to be left alone. I can only take so much of Ryland and Peyton and Maya and Mom before I want to go out a window."

"So you just disappear? Move in with a woman and her child who've you known for maybe 4 months?"

Lia shook her head in exasperation, "Don't you get it, Mama? I'm in love with her. And her kid too. You told me yourself the first time you met Mom you just knew. Well, I knew! For fuck sake."

"That's all fine and dandy but it doesn't mean you can just drop off the face of the earth. I understand that you're not a child anymore, but you're barely 24, Li. I would still like to know you're general vicinity at times."

"Yeah. Whatever."

Lia attempted to slip past Jisoo. Jisoo caught her by the collar of her shirt, "No. It's not whatever."

"Look. I shouldn't have left you guys to deal with my crap, but I also would like it if I can count on you to take care of your sisters and baby brother. God. You're so much like me, Kid, it sort of hurts sometimes."

Lia stayed silent. Staring at the linoleum of the kitchen floor.

"I learned way too late that you can't run away from things when they get too overwhelming. And you sure as hell can't just keep it all in. It'll blow up in your face. I don't want that for you. I don't want that for any of my kids. I'm glad you found your mate, but that doesn't mean you can just trade your old family in for a new one."

"That's not what I was trying to do. I just wanted a break."

"Tell that to your sisters and mother."

Lia made a pained face. Despite previous evidence stating otherwise, she did not like it when her family was upset with her, especially you.

"Hell. Tell that to Maya for that matter. She's convinced you hate her. And you guys have been friends since she was born. I know that's not true."

"She had sex with my baby sister. I do hate her." Lia pouted.

"No you don't. Speaking of, your sister is pregnant."

Lia's eye twitched, "Ryland's ace."

"You and I both know I'm not talking about Ryland."

Lia's other eye twitched, "She defiled my baby sister. I should chase her down the street."

"Don't worry. I already did. These old bones still got it."

Lia pinched the bridge of her nose, "Anything else I missed?"

"Hmm Kaleb built his tallest block tower yet yesterday. I had to get him a step stool to put the finishing touches on it. It was pretty awesome."

"Are you and Mom okay?"

"Yeah we are. I begged and groveled my way back into the house."

"Good. Don't do something like that again. We all hated it."

"I'm sorry, Kid. Can you promise me something?"

"Maybe."

"You'll learn from my mistakes?"

Lia huffed out a long harrowing sigh, "Yes ma'am."

"Good. Now, you owe your mother an apology."

"Yeah. I do."

You walked into the kitchen with your arms crossed over your chest, a curious frown on your face.

Following your interrogation of Wendy, you decided she was a good pick for your daughter. And the kid was cute.

Fuck. You're really going to be a grandparent. You hadn't even started perimenopause yet.

"Li? Jisoo said you wanted to talk to me?"

Lia nodded before promptly bursting into tears.

"I'm sorry I left and didn't say anything." You gathered her in your arms and patted her back.

Your children seemed to cry more now than they did when they were babies. And for some cruel reason, they always did it front of you. Never in front of Jisoo unless in dire straits.

"It's okay, sweetheart. You don't need to cry. You were overwhelmed, I get it."

"But I should have said something."

"And maybe you should have. But it's in the past now. No need to dwell on it anymore. You apologized, you get a clean slate."

Lia sniffled a of couple times, "I also should have told you about Wendy."

"Eh. I didn't tell your grandparents about Jisoo until apparently I was already pregnant with Ryland....Wendy isn't pregnant, right?"

"Oh God no. One is enough. I have no idea how you and Mama do it."

"Oh thank God. It seems we only successfully scared Ryland with the dangers of sex. We'll have to revise our approach with Kaleb."

"...I love you."

"Awe. I love you too, you big baby."

Lia pouted.

"Hey!"

[gloomyhearts]

Mellilla || Owen P. Joyner

Chapter five~ you haven't changed a bit

Valerie sat on her bed while Dahlia searched through her closet.

"I don't know why you're doing this"

"I.. it's..just look at him," she toss a picture frame on her bed next to Valerie.

It was taken on his prom, he asked her to be his date really casual when they were sitting at the lake a few minutes of car drive.

She wore an emerald green long sleeve wrap dress and he a black suit with a tie in the same color as her dress. Some of the students asked if they'd be a couple, after frowning they denied.

"You kept this? Really D?"

"I look cute?" She shruggs her shoulder and continued to search for the best outfit.

She decides to wear her black flannel and a green pullover on top. Her black skinny jeans and high converse a must do.

"Okay you look stunning, babe."

"Thank you. Should I take a jacket?"

"Just in case" Dahlia grabs her jeans jacket. On the way to the door she also takes her keys and wallet.

"Does he gets you or.?"

"I'm driving myself." She shuts the door softly, making her way over to the car.

His mom didn't appreciate that he'd be spending a few days before Thanksgiving out. Even due to the fact that there's a pandemic going on.

The teenager planed on ordering their food, just one of them going into the restaurant and then they'd be driving to a park or similar to eat the delicious food.

Owen was on FaceTime with Charlie, Jeremy and Madison.

"And this?" He shows him his third outfit. Charlie groaned everytime he presented one.

On his upper body was a black long sleeve shirt with a white one which had the pizza planet logo, on top. A pink beanie suited his head, still some strands of his now ear long blond hair, fell out.

"This looks perfect Owen," Jeremy states and the other two nodded in agreement.

"Sure? Isn't this beanie too much?" He almost had his hand on it to remove it.

"Stop," his mother steps into his room, "that's great, hun," and then she left.

"I love your mom," Madison breaks the silence.

"Yeah, she's so awesome."

"Right." Owen rolled his eyes at his friends.

"And which jacket?" He had three on his arm.

"The black jeans."

"No. No the thick one to give her when she cold, " Jeremy suggests.

"But she'll have her own," Charlie argues.

"But girls wanna be stylish."

"And?"

"What does that mean, Jer. I'm offended." The group erupts in laughter.

"Well I'm the married one, trust me" he winked at him.

"Okay.. Okay," his voice shakes slightly.

"It's gonna be good, dude," Charlie sent him a resuring smile.

"Hopefully," he glimpses at his watch.

"Gotta go. Talk to you later," he waved at them and exits the call.

The young adults arrived at the same time at the diner. Afterwards it was dopey from Owen to let her driver here herself, he really regrets it.

They parked and Owen walked to her car. He held her the door open.

She's even more beautiful without her mask.

"Hey," he began.

"You already know what you want?" He stretches his neck avoiding her eyes.

"A grilled cheese sandwich. Please."

"Good choice. Something to drink?" She shakes her head pointing to a water bottle she had in her car. He gave her a thumbs up and walked into the diner.

Dahlia sat down in her car again resting her head against the backseat.

Owen knocked on her window raising the bag full of food into the air.

"It smells so delicious," she states as he enters her car.

Owen came up with the idea he could park his car here and she would drive them to the park.

"Can't wait to swallow it."

During the ride the radio played quietly a few songs from the charts but that bothered the two of them not really much.

They arrived at the park and exited the car. Soon they made their way over to a bench in the far back of it.

He hands her the sandwich and placed his fries in between their bodies.

She watched every move of him but as his graze fell on her she immediately turned away.

"Soo."

"Soo," a sad smile placed on her lips.

"What are you studying?" He took a bite of his burger.

"Environmental science is my major and classical Latin as minor."

"Environmental? That's fantastic," Owen states after swallowing his bite.

"Yeah. It's really interesting."

"And why did you chose it?"

"I want to make a change. When every single one of us starts by oneself we're able to change the behavior and turn the world a better place." He nods in agreement.

"That's great. I mean I think so too."

The pair both reached for a fries as their finger touch lightly. She swallowed the limp that formed in her throat and he cleared his, his hand slowly removing from her. The spot where the other touched them burned. Both longing to repeat it, holding it longer.

She felt his graze on her but she didn't dare to eye him.

"You still play volleyball?" She nodded her voice surely would fail.

"And the piano?" Dahlia shakes her head.

"Why?"

She inhales deeply.

"It just didn't felt right. Sometimes I played at some shows at school but since my graduation not once."

"More than a year, that's.. gosh!"

"It's indifferent. I've got impotence things to do."

"Right saving the world," he nudged her side as he let out a chuckle.

"Yeah. Yeah obviously," Dahlia stutters.

Her fragile body began to shake slightly, her jacket was obviously not thick enough.

"You're alright?" He looks down at her.

"Totally."

"Do you want my jacket?"

"If it's no trouble to you." a shy smile suited her lips as her eyes fell on him for the first time since they sat down. He looked he really cute with his beanie.

"You can wear mine if you wanna. Actually it's my brother's but he wouldn't mind." She raises her hand with the jacket to him. They exchanged them and dress themselves up.

Her hands curling around her middle, bringing the warm cloth near. Dahlia inhales his perfume deeply, the corners of her mouth lift up when the scent of wood meet her olfactory nerves. It was a long time since she smelt it the last time. Fun thing he never change the scent.

She sun began to set when they still sat on the bench, some pedestrians passed them, smiling at them.

"You wanna get some dessert?"

"I'd kill for." He raised up and hold his hand in front of her. Dahlia grabbed it hesitantly. Owen pulled her to her feet as well and intertwined their fingers together, she bit her her bottom lip, his touch causing butterflies in her stomach. He guided her towards the exit and to her car.

When they reached it he opened her door and she mumbles a quiet thanks.

She drove backto boomerangs so he could take his car and they'd meet ad Il dolce Gelato a few minutes away.

They met again in the parking lot and walked together into the shop.

"Hello," the waitress behind the tresen greats.

"Hey I'd like one scoop of raspberry and one of stracciatella, please," Dahlia 

"And you sir?" She asks as she hands Dahlia her order.

"Cappuccino and snickers please."

After receiving their order and paying they left and headed to their cars.

Owen opened his trunk door and sat down in it. He padded next to him for her to sit down as well.

"How can you eat cappuccino ice cream?" She knitted her brows watching him lick his scoop.

"Why not. It'd be better if it'd be coffee pur but they hadn't such a flavor," he laughed softly.

"You're strange." Dahlia chuckles.

"You're sure? The last time I checked you found it cute," her eyes wandered into the far.

"I didn't meant it like that, Lia." His left hand reaching for hers.

Her mood changed promptly, she draw from his touch.

"Sure." It was one word but it held so much emotions, anger, hurt, sadness, love.

She drags herself on her feet ready to step to her car but Owen's hand grabs hers.

"Hear me out, please." He stammers.

"Go ahead."

"I am.. I am sorry. I didn't wanted it to end like this... I didn't know what I'd do... I was overwhelmed by the whole situation," he stutters.

"Sorry doesn't fix everything. You didn't call. You didn't texted. Nothing. It was hurtful what you did. Didn't I mean anything to you cause the last time I checked I did, the exact day you just left. Spending time with me the day before so you don't have to say goodbye or what?!"

Owen opens his mouth but she continues.

"No, now it's my turn. I always wanted you to accomplish your dreams. I was your biggest fan until the day you left. Then you were dead to me. And now..." she inhales sharply.

"After three.. three damn years you show up out of nowhere thinking everything is allright between us," she points to her and then him.

"I just want this pain to be over." Her eyes welled up.

Dahlia opens the driver door, excepting to speak up but he never did so she enters her car.

[managedmischiefs]

north//chapter twelve

genre: angst, tiny bit of fluff

pairing: season 11 and 12 spencer reid x oc

warnings: panic attack

word count: 12.4k

summary: change is wonderful. but there’s some changes that are far too drastic for spencer and amelia to handle.

pay attention to the pov changes and the time jump or else you’ll be confused!!!!!! it’s about to get good.

AMELIA

Months go by, and life goes on, and that's about all I have to say about the last few months. Spencer works and I bask in the successful, metaphorical glow of my last exhibit. I do some light work here and there but mostly, I take some time off and resort to lounging around and drawing in my sketchbook. Spencer complains though because he claims that if I have all this free time then he should too. But regardless, he leaves bed every day to go to work and fight the monsters of the world.

But nobody more than me knows that things change quickly. I accepted that a long time ago and the nature of Spencer's job just reiterated that sentiment, especially after he got shot. So even though it’s a bit too overwhelming when he comes home with cuts and bruises on his face, or get upset when he misses loosely planned dates because of cases, or we disagree on where to order dinner from or if we should even order at all instead of just cooking, nothing surprises me anymore.

It doesn't surprise me when Spencer calls me from work and tells me he needs to go to Houston for a case, and that he might be gone for a while. He tells me he loves me and that he'll be home as soon as possible, to be safe, and to drink a glass of wine for him. So I tell him that he's the one who needs to be careful and remind him many times of my love, then I force him to promise that he'll be careful. He does, and I send him in his way with one more proclamation of love.

Spencer has been through a lot. He's a very strong person, and he tells me a lot, but I know he doesn't tell me everything. He only wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to his feelings for me, but not with anything else. He's not an open book when it comes to work and the horrors he sees on a daily basis and relives in his dreams. I wish he was, but I know that part of the reason he doesn't is so he doesn't affect me. I wish he didn't think that way. I wish he could just confide in me without worrying about upsetting me. 

That being said, he doesn't cry. As I lay on my couch and listen to one of the records Spencer bought me for Christmas, a glass of wine about to fall out of my hand, my eyes closed, I try to remember a time Spencer cried in front of me. I scrunch up my nose when I realize I can't think of a specific time. Well, maybe he has cried. Maybe he did in the hospital. Maybe he did when he revealed what happened with Maeve, or his drug addiction. I don't have his memory. Maybe my worries are for nothing and I don't need to waste my time worrying over him so much.

But the days pass and I hear very little from Spencer, so I distract myself with my friends. We go out and we spend nights at clubs and we congregate at someone's apartment to watch movies and it's a wonderful distraction, but it doesn't fill the void that Spencer leaves. So I often find myself leaving him quick voicemails in bathrooms and balconies and bedrooms, telling him that I hope he's safe and that I love him and to let me know when he's coming home so I can see him. I don’t ever hear back.

Friday's are normally easy and Friday's are brunch days with my friends. So I wake up and shower and dress for my day, pulling on my skirt and blouse, singing along to the records playing downstairs. I finish getting dressed and fall back into bed, reaching for my sketchbook to occupy me for another half hour until I need to leave.

"Amelia?" Spencer's voice comes through my apartment, frantic and panicked, as the door hits the brick wall and rattles the picture frames. "Baby, are you home?"

"Spencer?" I respond, and his head whips up, landing on me. He looks like an utter mess in a loose tie and disheveled suit, messenger and go-bag having already clattered to the floor. His hair can be likened to bed head and I can see from here that his eyes are red. I immediately rush down the stairs and forget everything I was just about to do. "Sweetheart, what happened?" I grab his cheeks, performing my normal routine of checking for injuries, and when I find none, I become utterly confused and even more concerned.

Spencer's lips quiver as he sniffles, but he can't hold anything back when tears start to pour down his cheeks. "I-" his hands reach for my waistline, grasping my skin and drawing me closer, "I missed you so damn much, Lia, god."

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I ask when he pulls me even closer, our bodies pressing together and I can feel his rapid heartbeat against my chest. He tucks his head into my neck as he shakes his head no, arms finally circling my waist. "Okay," I whisper, coursing my fingers through his hair, closing my eyes as I breathe in the faint scent of his cologne. "I've got you, dove. I'm right here."

It only takes a second for Spencer to break down in tears, clutching my body like his life depends on it. Hearing his whimpers and feeling his shaking form breaks my heart, but I hold it together, rubbing him back, petting his hair, cooing in his ear, and telling him everything will be okay. His knees eventually give out so I lower us to the floor, landing in a weird position where I'm half in Spencer's lap while he cries in my neck. But neither of us seem to pay any mind to the fact that we're on the floor in the middle of my apartment. I just hold him and mutter sweet nothings and cheesy nicknames and pray to myself that he's okay.

"Spence, my love, can you talk to me? Can you tell me what's going on?" I whisper, trying to keep my voice low. I know that whenever I'm needing his comfort, his calm and low voice always helps me, so I try to provide the same for him. "I'm right here, sweetheart, talk to me," Spencer hiccups a few times as he lifts his head, and I reach forward to wipe his tears. "Take a breath, love. Just breathe, you're okay, I'm right here.”

Spencer squeezes his eyes shut and grasps at my thighs, and his head hanging forward. "I-" he takes a long, shallow breath, "you were clearly about to go out. Don't let me interrupt you."

I scoff out a laugh, shaking my head and pressing a kiss to his. He leans into my touch in a way that nearly makes me swoon. "Absolutely not, I'm not leaving you like this. You were on a case, is this about the case?"

Spencer nods slowly, keeping his head down. "You know about the whole thing with the group of assassins we've been hunting? The dirty dozen?"

"The people who've been targeting Penelope?" He nods again, and his hands tighten around my thighs. "Nothing happened to her, right?"

"No, no," Spencer finally lifts his head and sniffles again, wiping his cheeks with the heel of his hand, "she's fine. Actually, she's finally able to go home now because of this case."

"Okay, tell me what happened. Something must have happened if you're crying," I put my hands on top of his and brush my thumbs over his knuckles, hoping to bring him extra comfort. He brings them against his chest, allowing me to feel it rise and fall a little too quickly for liking.

Spencer gulps. "I had to pose as a married man who wanted his pregnant wife killed so I could lure the last hitwoman out of hiding so we could capture her. We'd gotten everyone else, it was just her. She was so smart and she saw through the whole thing. She knew my ring was fake right off the bat. She set a timer on my phone and was asking me all these questions about me and how we found her and about me and my family and-"

"Your family?"

"After she got rid of my ring, she asked if I had a girlfriend and I said no and somehow, she believed me. And then she was telling me that the only person who would actually date me would be a brat and an idiot."

“I mean, I guess it’s up for debate but I wouldn’t categorize myself as either of those things.”

Spencer giggles, just a little bit, but a joyful noise nonetheless, and that’s enough for right this second. "Then it turns out that she had a partner in the restaurant the whole time who had rigged bombs in the basement. She threatened to kill all these innocent people if I didn't let her walk free, but I couldn't do either of those things." He's getting worked up again and his eyes are tearing up and his breathing is shallowing and it just breaks my heart.

"Bub," I whisper, squeezing his hands, "breathe, okay? You're here now, you're okay."

Spencer lets out a heavy breath that sounds painful. But he squeezes my hands tighter and continues. "The only way I could throw her off her game was by lying to her. Her father had, um," Spencer glances up at me with a nervous look in his eye, "killed her mother when she was young and she was fostered," oh, that's why he was hesitant to say that, "and I had to tell her that I went looking for her father and that I found him and he just didn't recognize her, but that wasn't true. I couldn't find him at all. But then when Morgan moved in to take her down, he lied and told her that her father was at the restaurant and I just-” he shutters, “it was so horrible. I was so scared. She had a gun on me the whole time and I've had guns pointed at me so many times but I knew she wanted to shoot me and I knew she hated me and I knew she would have no problem killing me at any time. It was- god, it was so horrible."

I scoop Spencer into my arms again as he collapses into a new fit of sobs, body trembling. "Spence, I'm so sorry. But you did the right thing. Just think about Penelope. She's safe now, right? She can go home now and she can sleep peacefully knowing that there aren't hitmen coming for her and that you helped take them down. That hitwoman is in prison and you won't have to see her ever again. Now you're here with me and you're safe, okay?"

Spencer doesn't answer. He just lets me hold him and whisper in his ear and part of me hates that he's not talking. He shuts himself off and just barely hears what I’m saying, and only reacts when I touch his hair. He doesn’t return any verbal or physical expressions of love, not that I’m the one who needs them right now, but he just lays limp in my arms and whimpers like a kicked puppy.

"Hey," I whisper, pulling him up a bit and holding his face in my hands, "why don't you go change your clothes and maybe take a shower, if you want, and then come back down? Maybe you'll feel a little better."

Spencer nods and pushes himself up. Without another word, he grabs his two bags and trudges up the stairs to my bedroom, and just a moment later, I hear the bathroom door open and then the shower running.

With a heavy sigh, I locate my phone and text my friends to tell them I won't be making it to brunch. I don't bother to wait for their inevitably irritated responses before tucking my phone away, rushing around my apartment. I find the basket I'm looking for and then snatch the blanket from the back of the couch. I toss food and snacks and drinks into the basket, listening carefully to the running shower upstairs. When I've assembled everything I need, I take a seat on the island and wait for Spencer to be done in the shower.

It's almost half an hour before Spencer comes strolling down the stairs in jeans, a tee-shirt, and his converse. His work attire and weekend attire have too much of a layover, in my opinion. He’s always wearing his trousers and cardigans, occasionally a blazer. I’ve only gotten the pleasure of seeing him in jeans and a tee-shirt a handful of times, so despite the fact that he's the one with the fancy memory, I try to commit the sight to memory.

He's running his fingers through his wet and growing curls when he enters the kitchen, furrowing his eyebrows. "What's all this?"

"We, my dove," I quip, reaching my hands out for him, "are going on a picnic."

Spencer's eyebrows pitch up while he half-heartedly puts his hands in mine and steps closer to me, standing between my legs. "A picnic? Where? On the balcony?"

"No, silly," I giggle, leaning forward to kiss his nose. It makes him scrunch up his nose in the most adorable way. "We're gonna go to the park. It's nice out today and it's rare that I get to have you home during the day so let me cheer you up. Just- humor me, okay?"

Spencer glances beside me at the basket and the blanket, then back at my pouting face. He sighs, resigned. "Okay, sure."

"Good," I grin, leaning forward to press my lips to his briefly. “Let's go before it gets too late."

Spencer grabs the basket and helps me off the island, leaving me to grab the blanket. I lock up my apartment and we head off, walking hand in hand, silence looming over us. We would both usually attempt to fill the silence on a walk, but this time, it feels appropriate. We let the silence exist and distract ourselves by swinging our hands between us. I’m content with it though and I can only hope Spencer is too. I can only hope the silence isn’t letting Spencer get lost in his thoughts.

We finally reach the park and pick a spot to set up, using our shoes to hold down the edges of the blanket before taking our seats. We unload the basket and pass snacks to each other, avoiding the wine I brought, just in case we wanted to let loose. But this clearly isn’t the time for alcohol. So I work on my pretzels and watch a little boy giggle as he flies a kite with his mom.

"So, um," Spencer eventually hums, staring down at the container of walnuts in his hand, "I actually, um, I lied to you."

My hands freeze when they reach for a water bottle, my eyebrows raising. "Excuse me?"

Spencer lets out a breath. He reaches for a walnut but doesn't eat it, and just swirls it between his fingers. "I did go to Houston but it wasn't for a case. I went to see my mom. I asked Garcia to cover for me if you asked or went to the office."

"Why'd you have to lie about that? Is she okay? Spence, I could've gone with you.”

"I know, I should've told you and I feel bad that I didn't but I just wanted to deal with it myself."

"So what happened? Something happened. I can tell. What happened?"

The walnut in his hand slips out and falls onto the blanket, and now that his distraction is gone, he hangs his head again. "I got a call from the facility and they said the medication they were giving her wasn't working anymore. She was agitated and angry and they wanted me to go see her. So I went and when I went into her room, for three seconds-" he lets out a shaky breath and I find myself wondering if he even has any more tears to fall, but I quickly get that answer, "she had no idea who I was. So I had her tested and I found that night that she has an early onset of dementia."

I'm speechless for a moment, just processing that heavy information. I surely don't know as much as Spencer does but I know that this is not apart of schizophrenia. I've never heard stories of Diana not know her own son. I’ve never seen him so upset after a visit with his mom. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this intensely sad. Usually, if he’s upset from a case, I can spend an hour or two distracting him and then I’ll be blessed with seeing his smile again. But after this, I don’t know if he’ll ever smile.

"Oh, Spencer," I lurch forward and hug him for what seems like the millionth time, but he doesn't make an effort to hug me back. His arms hang loosely at his side and he just noses at my neck, not even caring enough to kiss me or hug me or touch me at all. "Love, I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry you had to go through that alone. I don’t know what to say other than I’ll be here for you and Diana and I’m always gonna be here to help you if you want it."

Spencer still doesn't respond and he still doesn't hug me back. So I let go and drop my arms to my side, chewing on my lip. I want to comfort him. I want to help. But he seems so lost in his own head, and that's the most dangerous place to be lost in. I know what it’s like to be trapped in your head with your thoughts, and I know Spencer does too, and it’s not a nice place to be. But I have no idea what I’m doing and I have no clue how to help him.

My eyes stray from his to the park around us. There are kids running around and dogs on leases and people going on runs. It's a stunning day out, and when my eyes linger up to the sky, squinting at the sun, I smile. I shift my body and lay down on my back, reaching back to rest my hand on Spencer's knee as I stare at the vast color that seems to match my eyes, or so I've been told. 

"I think," I say softly, pointing upwards, "that one looks like a dinosaur." The clouds roll along in the sky and I study each of them quickly, searching for distinguishable shapes that I can point out. "And that one kinda looks like, well, I was gonna say an alien but now it looks more like a turtle," In the corner of my eye, I see Spencer tilt his head up to stare up at the sky. "And that one," I point to a passing cloud, "looks like a hat."

Spencer grabs the hand that is resting on his knees and intertwines our hands before laying down beside me. "I still don't get it. They're just clouds,"

"Then tell me about the clouds," I quip, letting my head fall onto his shoulder. "Educate me."

“Well, there are three main types of clouds. Cumulus, stratus, and cirrus. Stratus clouds are flat and featureless, like layered sheets. Cumulus clouds are puffy. Cirrus clouds are thin and wispy and are usually high in the sky.”

Spencer surely educates me. He goes on and on about the different types of clouds and the variations of them, and which produces the most rainwater and which form the fastest. I think he talks for close to half an hour, going on and on with his beautiful voice about something I never really give a second thought to. But I stare straight up and barely move a muscle, keeping my head on his shoulder and my hand laced in his.

"I talked for a while," Spencer chuckles as his lecture comes to an end, and he twists his neck to kiss my forehead. "Sorry."

"I enjoyed it. Can't say I'll remember it, but I like hearing you talk," I smile, turning to capture his lips in a kiss. "But I think that one looks like a lamp."

"I still don't see any pictures," Spencer sighs, returning his gaze up to the sky.

"That's okay. You will one day. It takes practice," I pause, squinting my eyes. "That's definitely a car. Like, a pickup truck," I reach my free hand over and grab Spencer’s cheeks, twisting his head for him at the passing cloud. Cumulus, I think. “There. That’s the pickup truck.”

"Thank you for taking my mind off everything," Spencer whispers, and his head breaks free from my grasp to look over at me. My hand drops to his chest. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I think I'd go crazy. I truly don't know what I did before you and I don't know what I'd do if you-"

"You-" I cut him off before he can even finish his sentence, "don't have to worry about living without me because I'm not going anywhere. That's a camera, no doubt."

Spencer laughs, returning his gaze up. "Whatever you say, beautiful."

“You know,” I drag my hand down to his stomach and brush my thumb over the soft fabric of his shirt, “this might sound a little stupid. But the day we met, when I left my apartment for the cafe, when I looked up, there was a cloud in the shape of a heart. And I don’t know why but I just knew it would be a good day. Is that stupid?”

“No, it’s not stupid,” Spencer says. “Actually, if we were characters in a fiction novel, that heart cloud could be considered an objective correlative. That’s a symbol or event or group of things that are meant to represent emotions in the story. So in a movie, it could be thunder and lightning before a bad event or feeling a chill go down your spine. Or the cloud could be considered foreshadowing, even though foreshadowing doesn’t exist in real life. And if it does then it’s just a coincidence. Yeah, I guess for you it would’ve been a coincidence. A good coincidence. An accurate one because, you know, you kinda fell in love after you saw the heart cloud.”

It's my turn to look at him now, and I study the curve of his nose, his jawline, the outline of his lips. He's stunning. The sun illuminates his features, even the sweat gathering at his hairline, and I can’t remember a time when I was this utterly, wholeheartedly in love with him. With everything about him. The good and the bad. "Spence, I know it doesn't seem like it, but everything is gonna be okay," I whisper, moving closer to him, nuzzling my nose against his neck while his arm wraps around my waist. "And even if it's not, I'm gonna be right here, holding your hand and staying by your side the entire time. I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me. No way."

"I wouldn't want to," Spencer quips, moving his arm around my waist. "I love you too much."

"I love you too. Come here," I sit up just a bit and draw his lips closer to mine, letting my eyes flutter closed. "Everything is gonna be okay, dove.”

///

ABOUT SIX MONTHS LATER

///

"Ow! Fuck, Spencer! That's way too hot!"

"Then turn it down."

"Well, my hands are a little tied right now."

"That's not my fault."

"It kinda is your fault because you made the stove too hot!"

Spencer laughs and comes up behind me, his arms circling my waist, resting his chin atop my head. "I'm sorry. You know cooking and baking aren't my forte."

I send Spencer a sharp look over my shoulder, huffing. "You're so lucky you're cute."

He rolls his eyes and then moves beside me, gently grabbing my wrist. "Let me see," he pulls my hand from under the running cold water to inspect my finger. "It's fine, just a little red."

"I know," I smile as Spencer brings my pointer finger up to his lips to lay a sweet kiss on my skin. "You're just so adorable."

"I try," Spencer shrugs innocently, making me laugh. "Okay, let's finish chocolate covering these strawberries and get them in the freezer."

I hum in agreement and move back to the stove, the heat setting now turned down by Spencer, post finger burning. So I reach over Spencer and grab another strawberry and dip it into the chocolate before setting it onto the wax paper. Once we've run out of strawberries, Spencer puts the tray in the freezer. I go skipping into his living room and curl up on the couch, turning on the tv and waiting for him to arrive.

It's only a minute before he's curling up beside me, pulling me into his arms and kissing my cheek. "It's amazing you didn't get called into work today," I say. "I guess since you had to miss our birthdays and Halloween this year, the serials killers decided to let us celebrate our two year anniversary together."

Spencer laughs as he pulls me even closer to his chest, placing a kiss on the top of my head. "I'm glad they did. I mean, I wish they let us spend every day together but I'm glad they let today be an exception."

I settle my head against Spencer's chest and keep my eyes on whatever's playing on the tv, brushing my fingers up and down his arm aimlessly. He hums contently and a smile comes to my face. These moments of quiet are rare. And getting to have these moments on days like today, our two-year anniversary, are few and far between. We have to take advantage of them while we can.

"Hey," Spencer whispers, "I've got a question." I hum in response, flickering my eyes up to him for a moment. "So, you know, you're always spending your time here and I'm always spending my time at your apartment," I immediately look back up at him, already understanding what he's about to ask. "We're always together so doesn't it just make sense that, you know, we live together?" He raises his eyebrows, then sucks his bottom lip between his teeth out of anxiousness. "We always make a point to get together when I'm home, and I know you sometimes stop by here when I'm away on cases. We should- doesn't it make sense? We'd get to see each other more."

My grin spreads across my face as I tackle him to his back, squeezing his waist. "Spencer, that sounds perfect. I'd absolutely love to move in with you."

"Seriously? You'd actually wanna buy a house with me?"

"Of course!" I giggle, bringing my hands to his jawline, holding his face in front of me. "Why do you think I’ve stuck around so long? Yes, Spencer, of course I do," He attacks me with kisses, quickly lifting me up and carrying me towards his bedroom. "Dove, the strawberries-"

"I don’t want the strawberries right now. I want you."

It was silly of me to expect that moment to last forever. Our second year together was amazing. Well, as amazing as it could have been. Spencer hunts the worst people in society and parts of him break every day and I start a new exhibit, but we still meet up when we can and hold each other and make each other laugh and cook and look at clouds (with only me describing shapes) and just comfort each other. It was completely foolish of me to expect that happiness bubble not to burst.

Spencer doesn't like change and that's not hard to tell. The change of dating me was hard enough for him and I've learned that it was hard for him to get used to a new daily routine with another person in it. But then the BAU team changes and that almost makes Spencer spiral. Alex Blake left a while ago and Spencer was crushed, and then Kate came and he loved her. But then she left to have a baby. Then Morgan went through a trauma and decided to leave to protect Savannah and his baby. He lost Morgan and then soon lost Hotch.

Hotch was targeted by a serial killer that I only know by the name of Mr. Scratch. He sounds horrible, especially since he captured Hotch and drugged him, then tried to get him to kill his team. Then there was a prison break that sounded absolutely terrifying and made me almost spiral when I heard about it, and Mr. Scratch escaped. And the first thing he did? Stalk Hotch and his son. Hotch decided to leave the team in the hands of Emily Prentiss, who I've learned is an old team member who left to work for Interpol after a very complicated sequence of events, and entered Witness Protection to keep Jack safe. Spencer learned so much from Hotch and looked up to him, so losing the unit chief was a huge hit. It was a hit for everyone on the team, but this huge change meant creating another new routine.

Although losing those valued team members was horrible and stressful, they gained amazing replacements. Tara, Emily, Luke, and Stephen are amazing profilers who jumped into the BAU pool with both feet in, and the rest of the team appreciated that. They give their all to the team and together, they're taking down the escaped serial killers who got away during the Rawdon prison break.

But then Spencer starts to get some phone calls. It started out as one, interrupting a late-night dinner date on the balcony after Spencer got home from a case. He didn't think much of it at first, not even going inside to his apartment to talk privately. Turns out, his mother wasn't reacting well to the new trial he just got her into. Spencer didn't take this news well and our dinner was ruined. He stormed inside and spent the rest of the night at his desk, reading the same stack of books about experimental medicine over and over. I cleaned up our plates and went home. That's when I first started to see him pull away from me. From life. From everyone.

The calls became more frequent after that and the books piled up on his desk. The dinner dates and the hookups and the mid-case phone calls stopped, and our before-work cafe dates have been completely nonexistent. Spencer put every ounce of free time he had into helping his mother and her condition, and I had to respect that so I didn't say anything. I let him research experimental medicine and do all the fancy doctor things that I'll never understand, and I just kept my focus on my art.

He decides to go out and visit her and insists I don't come, that he can do it alone. I try so hard to convince him, but he doesn't budge. So I concede and he takes a week off of work to go, and I practically lock myself in my studio. My friends come by and I keep my concerns about Spencer to myself, but then I rant when it's only Jenna around. She's confused too, understandably, but offers no valid advice. I don't blame her, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't have a clue what to say. And when Jenna asks me if we've found a house that we like yet, I tell her that we haven't even started looking yet. Spencer has been too occupied with more important things.

When Spencer returns, a selfish thought comes to mind. I think maybe everything has been solved. I think that maybe all those hours Spencer spent ignoring me and focusing on his mom and researching experimental medicine have paid off and he's solved world hunger and now his mom is cured. It's absolutely horrible. It's maybe the worst thing I've ever thought. No, it's definitely the worst thing I've thought. But am I wrong for wanting things to go back to the way they were? Am I wrong for wanting my boyfriend back? No. Yes? I'm not sure. But all I know is that I'm worn down and no amount of wine can distract me.

When Spencer returns, he sits me down. And when he sits me down, I know my selfish thought was too selfish. My selfish thought made karma come back to bite me in the ass. He's got a solemn look on his face and he's not holding my hand or touching me at all, he barely even wanted to kiss me when he showed up at my apartment.

"So," Spencer sighed, running his hand through his grown-out hair, "um, the clinical trial that my mom is in isn't helping. She's not getting better." I had raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to get to the horrible and dark, inevitable punchline. "I'm gonna bring her here to live with me."

My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, eyebrows turning in. "What?"

Spencer groaned, burying his face in his hands. "She isn't getting better but whenever I go to visit, she seems to be fine. So I'm gonna bring her back here with me and she's gonna live with me. I'm gonna hire a nurse to watch her while I'm away on cases."

"Spencer, that's-" I let out a breath, tangling my hands on my hair. "I love you and you know that but I really don't think this is a good idea. Maybe this trial isn't helping her but another might. Find something close to here so you can see her more often but taking care of her yourself is going to be so hard. I don't think you realize what-"

"I've made up my mind, Lia," Spencer said stubbornly, as if ending the conversation there. "I've spent too long away from my mom and I don't want to anymore. She always feels better around me and I want her to get better already."

"Spencer." Just speaking his name made my heart hurt because I could feel the foundation under us crumbling. I could see it crumble when he doesn’t soften at the sound of his name from my mouth. That used to always happen. "This is a bad idea. Please reconsider. You're so busy with work already and then you're gonna go home and have to take care of your mother. You're not gonna have time to see me, or Henry and Michael and Hank, or do literally anything else. Spence," the selfish thoughts came back, "I'm sorry to be like this but you asked me to move in with you."

Spencer sighed, and that was all I needed. I stood from his couch and he quickly followed me to the door where I had already started pulling on my shoes. "Amelia, please. I know I asked you to move in with me but she's my mother and I can't abandon her-"

"She needs professional help!" I exclaimed, whipping around to face him. "You went through this pain when you were eighteen and you're gonna force yourself to go through it yet again when you don't even have to. Hey, Spencer, did you notice I got a new piercing?" I pointed to my ear and watched his face fall. "Yeah, I got my tragus pierced. But you've been so caught up in this experimental medicine thing that you haven't even noticed that. Just imagine how much more time you won't have when your mom starts living with you."

Spencer shook his head at me, just tucking his hands in his pockets and staring down at his shoes. "You're not listening to me." And then I left.

We didn't talk much after that. I texted him to make sure he was doing okay during his cases and got minimal responses. He eventually told me that he found a nurse to take care of Diana, and that he'd be traveling to Houston to take his mother out of the trial. It was surely the worst decision for Diana, but I guess I have to support my boyfriend.

So after Diana is settled into Spencer's apartment as much as she can be, I head over. She knew who I was right away from the two times I'd met her before, and Spencer and I were both surprised about that. I expected her to not recognize me and Spencer expected her to accuse me of being a spy. I didn't fully understand that, but when he explained how Diana had accused the nurse of being just that, it made sense. Kind of. I don't know how Spencer couldn't see it, but Diana didn't seem comfortable in his little apartment. Or maybe he did see it and just ignored it because he liked having her so close after so long.

Exactly what I predicted happened. I barely saw Spencer for two weeks and in the few times that we got to text, I found out that Diana wasn't doing well at all. She flooded the apartment and ran out the first nurse and now Spencer couldn't go on a case until he found a new nurse. She hated the taste of her medicine, which is odd because I've never found that pills have much of a taste unless you hold them in your mouth too long, and didn't want to take it. But Spencer is a hardass about medicine. I know that from experience when he complained I wasn't taking medication for my panic attacks.

But eventually, Spencer finds a wonderful nurse named Cassie who agrees to work with them and Spencer goes off on a case, and I accept that I'll never get to see him again. We text occasionally but I haven't heard his voice in weeks and we haven't gone on a proper date in maybe months and god knows we haven't had sex in forever. All those selfish thoughts return to make me feel like a horrible person, but am I horrible? Diana needs to be in a care facility, not her son’s apartment where he leaves every few days, and with a stranger who Diana believes is a spy.

I was completely ignorant to believe that our happiness bubble wouldn’t pop. No, the harsh beginning of our relationship would prove that no happiness lasts. We couldn't even get through a year without something tragic happening.

And it sounds so horrible, but at this point, I'm incapable of creating my own happiness. I need Spencer to be happy. I need him to be able to enjoy my tea in the morning. I need him to enjoy watching The Polar Express. I need him to find shapes in the clouds. I need him to make my spontaneous trips to the BAU to see Penelope. I need him so I can be happy. It's codependent and maybe it's toxic but he's my whole world. He's the reason I live and breathe.

///

SPENCER

///

I'm good at holding myself together. I'm good at putting on a smile and helping others before I help myself. It's become a skill of mine over the years, and maybe one that I shouldn't be so good at. But it is and I pride myself on not alarming my teammates when anything is wrong. But stalking cases are a whole other story. I do my best to keep up my world-class poker face when I see that the object of the unsubs affection is a brunette with bangs, but it proves to get harder and harder throughout.

I commend myself for keeping it together. I commend myself for keeping it together when the unsub kidnaps the brunette after we arrive. I commend myself for keeping it together when we witness the unsub send a bullet through the brunette's head. I commend myself for keeping it together as I slap handcuffs on the unsub and shove him in the backseat of a car. I even manage to keep it together through questioning from the whole team. Emily, Rossi, Luke, Tara, JJ, Stephen, and Garcia all ask me if I'm doing okay. Seriously, even the new people. I promise I'm fine. It was a while ago, I tell them, I'm fine.

I should be proud of myself for keeping it together until I get back to the hotel. I keep it together through the wrap-up interviews with the unsub and the goodbye with the local police, ignoring the images that are circling in my brain, now adding another set of images to resurface when I wish they never would.

I don't break down until I'm lying in my hotel room bed. It doesn't happen at first. I just lay down and stare at the ceiling and then my eyes start to burn and then suddenly, there are tears dripping down my cheeks. And as soon as one tear falls, there's a waterfall that follows.

I reach into my pocket and rip out my phone, searching for Amelia's number. I'm blinded by my own tears but I hiccup and hold the phone up to my ear, curling up on my side, ignoring the way I feel so uncomfortable in my trousers and converse and way-too-tight tie. After the phone rings twice, I accept that she's not going to answer, but then she does, and I feel a wave of relief wash over me.

"Hi," she answers softly, and then pauses. "Spencer, what's wrong? What happened? You're crying."

"I know you're mad at me," I cry helplessly, squeezing my eyes shut, "but I really need you right now."

"Of course. I’m right here," she answers in her beautiful, sweet, calming voice. "What do you need? Are you okay?"

I hiccup again, bringing my hand up to my eyes and trying to wiping my cheeks. "It was-" I sniffle, "a stalking case.”

"Oh," Amelia answers, fully understanding. "Okay, dove, do you have your medallion?"

I suddenly remember that and I sit up, hastily grabbing my messenger bag and digging it out of one of the many pockets. "Y-Yeah, I have it now."

"Good,"

"Could you pick me up? I don't wanna drive home."

"Of course. I'll be waiting when you get back."

///

The ride up the sixth floor is excruciating. I'm cramped with everyone else and I just want to go to sleep. I just want to be with my girlfriend. Emily looks over at me and smiles, but I don't bother to profile her smile. Whether it was pity or sorrow or just plain friendliness, I don't care at the moment.

I'm the first one out of the elevator when the doors slide open and my eyes wander inside and to my desk, and my feet glue to the floor. Everyone passes right by me and into the bullpen, but I just stare at the beautiful scene in front of me.

Amelia is sitting on my desk with her legs crossed, dressed in oversized sweats, which are definitely mine, with her curly hair in a bun and her glasses on. I can't blame her for her outfit choice, it is nearing midnight. But she's got her sketchbook in her lap and she's speaking to Henry who's sitting in my desk chair with a notebook in his lap, and she's clearly instructing him on how to draw something. He turns his notebook to her and she grins proudly before giving him a high five. Henry encourages her to teach him something else and they both flip their pages. Amelia leans in with her pencil in hand to show him something else.

"Hey," JJ comes from behind me and lands at my side, following my line of sight. She grins and watches the two interact perfectly, and Amelia gives Henry another high five. "You know, if we don't get a case this weekend, I'm available to go look at rings."

I just start to nod slowly, my head fuzzy with the amount of love I'm feeling for my girlfriend. We haven't been in a good place with our relationship and that's not really a secret. She isn’t happy with my choice to bring home my mom, and she's upset that she feels like her life has to suffer because of the choices I've made, and that's completely valid. But here she is, dropping everything to come and comfort her crying boyfriend at midnight on a Wednesday night, despite how upset she is with me.

So I just look down at JJ, nodding, and her smile grows as I say, "Deal."

///

AMELIA

Change can be such a beautiful thing. Change can be the thing that encourages people to start over and become a new person. A big enough change can transform a life. My life has been change after change after change that I've embraced it and welcomed it. If I don't accept something that happens so constantly in my life, where would that get me?

But sometimes change isn't good. Sometimes it's imperative that things stay the same. There are times where life is too hectic and busy and it would be detrimental for change to make an appearance. Change, then, makes life far too stressful and just plain unlivable.

I thought I'd gone through enough change since meeting Spencer. Dating an FBI agent, specifically, someone in the BAU, changes enough. But then he gets injured and he misses important dates and he works with the man who arrested my serial killer father and he brings his paranoid schizophrenic mother with dementia home to live with him. That's enough change for anyone, and Spencer hates change. I've never met a person who hates change more than him.

I've learned to keep a normal routine since I met Spencer. Well, as normal as I can. Even though I may not be doing anything in a day, I always get up and get dressed, whether Spencer is around or not. I've gotten used to not changing things and I've found the comfort in it.

I don't let today differ from my other days. I wake up in my cold, empty bed and stumble into a cold shower, washing away the throbbing between my legs and the oil on my skin. I blow dry my hair and get dressed in a white sundress that Spencer once told me is his favorite, tying half my hair back with a bow. I do my makeup and put in my piercings and clean my new piercing and go about my life, checking my phone for a text from Spencer. But all I find is groupchat texts from my friends and a text from Jenna asking me if I wanna go out tonight, so I put my phone away and go make myself a cup of tea.

My tea tastes wrong today. I've put in too much sugar and it doesn't taste right when Spencer's not making it for me, or when he's not holding my hand, or when he's not stealing kisses before rushing out the door for work. Life just isn't the same without him and I wish that he could come to his senses about his mother.

I'm halfway through my cup of tea when there's a knock at my front door. The irrational part of my brain perks up and thinks it's Spencer coming home from his trip to Houston, but the rational part of my brain knows that he would go home to his mother first. His mother comes first now. That is a change I need to get used to. Selfish.

"Coming!" I call, setting my cup of tea down on the island. I double-check to make sure I've turned off the stove and the kettle is safely moved aside before rushing to the door.

I pull open the door and instantly, my heart sinks to my feet. Seeing Penelope and JJ standing at my door would usually make me smile and pull out a bottle of wine, but today, it makes my hands sweat. I know this isn't good. I can tell it isn't good by the way JJ is staring down at the floor and by the tears stains in Penelope's makeup.

Spencer is dead. That's it. He's gone. I don't know how it happened but he's dead and gone and I'm all alone. My head starts to spin and I grip the doorknob in my hand so tight that I think I might break it off.

JJ's head pops up a moment later and she gives me a quick, tight-lipped smile and I notice her grab onto Penelope's hand. "Hi, Amelia," she says, her voice quieter than I’ve ever heard it before. "We, um, we gotta talk to you."

I gulp, my chest burning as I nod and open up the door a little bit further for them. The two step inside and even though they've been in my apartment a few times, when I was invited to ladies nights and hosted, they walk as if they're strangers. They're uncomfortable strangers who would rather be anywhere else.

I close the door and the three of us linger in the entryway. I almost regret not putting on a record this morning because the silence is choking me. Garcia is avoiding eye contact and looking around and JJ is doing something similar, but her eyes are stuck on my wall of pictures. And it seems to be the picture of Spencer and I. It was one that had taken hours to convince him to take and when I'd finally pressed the button on my camera, we were giggling relentlessly and Spencer was clinging to my side. It's one of my favorite pictures of us, which is why it's on my wall. I look at it every day and wish we could go back to that moment.

"Do you guys want a drink or anything?" I offer because I just don't know what else to say. I truly don't want to hear what they have to tell me.

Penelope turns her head back to me and shakes her head. "Um, no. No thanks."

"Amelia," JJ states, her voice sharper than I imagined. But then she brings her eyes to mine and her face softens. "Do you, um, do you wanna sit?"

"Tell me what happened to him." I sputter, bringing my hands to my hips. I'm already breaking and there are already tears in my eyes. They wouldn't be here during a work day just to tell me that Spencer is happy and healthy at work, about to get on the jet so they can go to their case.

Penelope lets out a whimper and puts her face in her hands, pulling her hand away from JJ's. JJ sighs and looks between me and her friend. "Spence is, um," she lets out a breath again and forces out whatever words are painful on her tongue, "he got arrested in Mexico. He was in a car chase with the Mexican police and then he was found with a huge amount of cocaine and heroin in his trunk, and he was high out of his mind. Emily, Rossi, and Luke went down to Mexico to investigate and they found a body and they're now charging him with drug possession with the intent to distribute, and manslaughter."

Like I said, some change is good. Changing bed sheets, changing clothes after a workout, changing your mind on a restaurant for dinner. Change is necessary for life to go on. Not change like this. I could never accept a huge change like Spencer getting arrested in a foreign country while being high. All of that is absolutely ridiculous and I almost roll my eyes when JJ tells me. But her face stays stoic and I know it's true.

Sometimes, I can feel myself getting pushed into the ground. I can feel my feet melt into the hardwood floor and I watch as the room starts to spin like a carousel. But there's no eccentric horse and no cheerful children. It's just me and my tears and my trembling knees.

"Amelia?"

There's a voice but I can't tell who's it is. Maybe it's JJ. Maybe it's Jenna. Maybe it's Penelope. Maybe it's Spencer. Maybe it's my mom. Maybe no one spoke at all. I can't even tell what's real anymore. If Spencer is high and getting arrested then we surely, must have entered a new dimension.

"He was framed, Amelia, we know it."

There's the voice again, and suddenly there's a hand on my arm, but my whole body tenses. My eyes glaze over and I can't even breathe, my chest heaving every time I try. Silent tears fall down my cheeks and I know that the longer I stand here, the more pain I feel.

But the glue under my feet has taken a liking to this specific spot of the floor and I'm stuck. So utterly stuck in this spot, in my head, in this lifetime. I can't breathe anymore. My lungs are flattened and they won't inflate.

"Amelia, you need to breathe."

I move my lips but no words come out. I'm grappling for words and gasping for words and I know what's happening but I can't stop it. Spencer always stops them. He always speaks to me in his soothing voice and waits to touch me until the nonverbal part of my attack has passed and then he hugs me up until I almost bruise.

But thinking about Spencer makes my knees buckle and I crumble to the floor, staring down at the hardwood as my tears create a puddle. I hang my head and ball my hands into fists, trying to find something to ground me but there's nothing. JJ and Penelope don't know what to do and Spencer can't magically appear to help me. They can't even call him because he's been arrested. Arrested.

My boyfriend has been arrested. My FBI boyfriend who wasn't happy to bail me out I when I was arrested for spray painting a brick wall that was public property. And now he's getting arrested for being high, being in a car chase, narcotics possession, and now murder? My boyfriend? My boyfriend who walks around with his sobriety medallion and cringes when we even see a scene on tv of someone doing drugs. This isn't him. This isn't My Spencer.

"Emily, Luke, and Rossi are with him. They said he's hazy and missing time but he's okay."

He's not okay. God, no. He won't be okay. He relapsed and once he comes down, he's going to be crushed. Absolutely pulverized. He'll never want to look at his medallion again. His medallion. Where the hell is that?

Time passes. So much time passes. It feels like forever. My hands bleed and my knees ache and my back is sore and my head starts to pound. I eventually collapse onto my side, almost curled up in the fetal position, my eyes squeezed shut. I need Spencer. I need him to hold me and to tell me he's going to be okay and to come home. Someone needs to tell me this has all been a cruel, disgusting, horrible prank.

"Amelia?" It's Penelope this time, that I know.

"Amelia, can you hear me?" And now it's JJ and she's crouching right beside me. I nod weakly and she sighs of relief. "Can I get you something? Water?" I nod again, and she goes rushing off to my kitchen.

Penelope helps me sit up again and leans me against the wall, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Her touch feels nice but it's not the same as Spencer's touch. Nothing will ever be the same.

"We're gonna save him," she whispers to me. "We're gonna prove that he was framed and we're gonna bring him home."

JJ returns with a glass of water for me and joins the two of us on the floor, crossing her legs. I sip slowly, my hands still shaking and my knees pulled up to my chest, protecting myself. My thoughts are shooting around in my head and I can't stop them.

"We've been fighting recently," I confess quietly. "Ever since he decided to bring his mom home, we have. On our anniversary, he asked me to move in with him and we agreed to buy a house, then he brought his mom home and started ignoring me. He cared more about experimental medicine than he did about me."

"That's not true," Penelope murmurs, placing her hand on my knee. "Anyone with eyes can see that Reid loved you more than himself. He'd lay down his life for you. He looks at you like you put the clouds in the sky," The statement makes my head spin quicker.

"Why don't you," JJ speaks next, "pack up some stuff and come to the BAU with us? You probably shouldn't be alone right now and you could use some company."

"Plus, we can keep you updated on Spencer when you're closer," Penelope says. "Go pack and we'll drive you."

I put the glass of water on the floor and manage to push myself to my feet. I trudge away from the girls and up the stairs to my bedroom, lugging a duffle bag out from under my bed. It almost doesn't feel real as I put a few things in the bag. It feels like someone else is controlling my body. I’m not moving like this. I’m not living in this dimension. 

I make my way back down the stairs and see the two women still lingering in the doorway, not even speaking. But they give me pitiful smiles when I enter, and they don't say anything when I grab my keys and open the door. I don't clean up my water glass or my cup of tea or double-check anything. I just need to leave.

///

Stephen and Tara's heads pop up when the elevator doors open, but I keep my head high. They're profiling me, as they always are with everyone, but I don't want to give them the power to see me so broken. So I keep my face neutral as I march right past them and down the hallway, directly into an empty interview room and slam the door shut.

Maybe it's wrong of me to be so cold to the team that is doing their best to help Spencer, but I can't help it. And maybe I'm mad at him. Maybe I'm fucking furious. How could he do this? How could he go to Mexico and put his life at risk, being a federal agent and being such a big target? How could he neglect to tell me that he was leaving the country? How could he do this to his team and his mom? How could he do this to me?

"Amelia?" Tara's knocking at the door, entering before I can even say come in. "I'm just checking in on you. I'm sure you're upset. We all are."

"He's stupid," I'm not sure why that's the first thing out of my mouth, but it is. "He's a fucking idiot. I've always known that but I didn't think he'd be this stupid."

Tara sighs and leans against the wall, dropping her head and trying to stay calm and level for me. "Did you know he was going to Mexico?"

"He told me he was going to Houston to meet with a doctor, that's all," I shake my head, ripping the too-cheerful bow out of my hair and letting it fall to the floor.

"When Garcia looked into his travels, it turned out that he crossed the border three times." I can't even bother to react. My body just feels numb and no new information can get past the shield I'm putting up. "You had no idea of any of this?"

"He always told me he was going to Houston. I never would've thought he was going to Mexico. Tara," my teary eyes travel up to meet hers, "JJ and Penelope said he was framed. Who is trying to frame him?"

Tara grabs a chair from the table a few feet over and sits in front of me. "Did Spencer ever tell you about someone named Mr. Scratch?"

"Him? I thought he was going after Hotch."

"He's coming after all of us. He came after me, he kidnapped my brother and drugged him, and we know that he did the same to Reid. It's our job now to find the evidence that points to Scratch." Stephen is at the door now, giving me a pitiful smile before gesturing for Tara to follow him out. She pats my knee before standing. "We're gonna get him home. You're obviously welcome to stay here, and if you need anything, let us know."

///

I thought that being apart of one FBI-involved case was enough for one lifetime. I don't miss being in this stale interview by myself while the BAU does their work, scrambling for evidence that supports Spencer and gets him home. But there's clearly not much or else I would have heard something. All the horrible memories of my childhood in police stations surface and swirl around my brain, leaving me frantically covering my eyes to will them again. I’m a kid again, laying on an uncomfortable couch and watching officers go back and forth without even looking at me. I’m a kid again, lost and confused with nowhere to go and no one to love me.

JJ and Penelope stop by over the day to check in on me and bring me food whenever they order some, but I don't eat much. I just spend my time staring at the wall and trying not to cry. I eventually leave the room just to change into sweatpants and a hoodie, and when I return, my phone is buzzing with a call from Jenna.

"Hey," she answers, and there's quite a bit of commotion from her end. "You were supposed to be here a half hour ago and The Bachelor starts in twenty minutes, so are you coming? Everyone else is already here and Frankie said he's gonna eat your Popeye's order soon."

"No," I answer quietly, "I'm not gonna make it. Sorry. I forgot to call."

"Are you okay? You sound off," Jenna's no profiler but she's always been good at hearing when I'm off. "Did something happen? Is Spencer okay?"

I cover my eyes with my hand and let out a shaky breath. "No, Jen, he's not."

There's a moment of silence on her line and the shouting from our friends gets quieter as she gets further from them. "Are you guys fighting more? What'd you guys say this time?"

"It's so much worse than that," I cry, curling up on the couch as the waterworks start yet again. "He got arrested." And so I start the story, relaying the details as I know them.

It's now that I accept the situation. Spencer is being framed by a criminally sophisticated serial killer who organized a prison break from behind bars. There won't be evidence. No, actually, there will be evidence and it will all be planted to point to my boyfriend. The minimum sense for murder is twenty years and the maximum is life. No matter what, he's going away for a long time or for forever. I might never see him in my bed again, or on my balcony, or buy a house with him, or have a family with him.

And so I cry to Jenna for hours. She misses The Bachelor and she has no idea who gets sent home or who gets a rose, but I don't think she cares. She listens to me cry over my tainted life plans. The wedding I'll never have. The kids I'll never birth. The mortgage I'll never pay. The college acceptance days I'll never attend. The birthday parties I'll never throw. It may never happen. And I've never been a pessimist, but this is the perfect time to be one.

I know that I fall asleep on the phone with her because when I wake up, my phone is on the floor of the room and it's still unlocked, telling me that it's nearly three in the morning. I'm wide awake and plagued with memories of the times I used to sit in bed with Spencer at this early morning time, eating Chinese food or ice cream and sometimes playing dumb card games that he lets me win or watching movies in a language I don’t speak or teaching him how to braid my hair.

I leave the dark interview room and wander into the dimly lit bullpen, finding right away that the four members of the BAU that are in the country are still in the conference room. They're working through the night and I wish I had the energy in me to thank them.

I push open the doors with every intention of forcing yself to have to energy to thank the team, but I pause when I get to Spencer's desk. His cardigan is still on the back of his chair, and there are more books covering the desk than I’ve ever seen. My pinky promise note has never moved from its spot on his computer and there are now two framed pictures of me on the desk. One is the same one that's hanging in my apartment, and the other is just me on my balcony, grinning at the camera. I hated the picture at the time and I still hate it now. Clearly, Spencer loved it enough to get it developed and put it on his desk. Every time I come here and see this picture, it makes me fall in love with Spencer just a little bit more.

I sit in the cardigan-covered chair and open the top drawer, finding basic office supplies. The next drawer is full of case files and paperwork that I don't have the stomach to go through, and besides, I'm sure I'd be the next to get arrested if I go through them. Federal business and all. I already know what is in the bottom drawer but I open it anyway, and I find that the stash of snacks I supply is still held there. I smile when I find that there are new snacks there, meaning that Spencer has finally learned and eats more when he's at work, even taking it upon himself to buy things other than what I provide for him.

I swivel the chair to the other side and open the only drawer on that side. This drawer is filled with the sketchbook/journals that I've provided for him, and at this point in our relationship, after two years, I've provided him with six already and he's working on his seventh. Each one is decorated differently and uniquely and each one is filled with whatever Spencer decides. I also find one of my hair scarves in here but I don't dare to touch it. I lost this scarf very early in our relationship and I realized I left it at Spencer's apartment, and I knew he'd never give it back to me. I steal his clothes and he steals my hair scarves.

The last thing I find is Spencer's medallion and I quickly pull that out, slamming the desk drawer closed. I'm not sure what to think of this. Did he leave it behind because he was tired of being sober? Did he leave it here on accident? Did he leave it here because he was framed and he didn't plan on getting drugged in a foreign country? I juggle the medallion between my fingers like I've seen Spencer do so many times and wonder if Spencer remembers his promise. I wonder if he remembers that he promised to always come home to me, that he'll always go north and he'll come home to me. Does he remember that?

"Hey," Penelope leans against the desk, giving me a small smile, "I've got a tiny bit of good news."

"Good news?" I echo, not at all convinced. How could they have good news that's tiny? The only good news in my book right now would be Spencer is released from custody.

"Yeah," she nods eagerly, "it turns out that the woman who was killed was a Mexican and an American citizen. The case was just extradited! They were gonna move Spencer to El Diablo Maximum Security Prison but instead, he's gonna go to federal jail here and await his trial."

I just nod at this news, because it's not really good. He's not proven innocent, in fact, plenty of people seem to think he's guilty if he was supposed to go to a Mexican prison. He still has to go to jail and stay there to wait for his trial and he still has to be proven innocent. It's not good news.

"Amelia, it's good, I promise. This means that we can control the case." But I still don't look up from the medallion as it passes between my fingers, and I only look up when she speaks again. "They're on their way back now and they're stopping by here first before bringing him to the federal jail."

"Really? Am I gonna be allowed to see him?" I perk up, the medallion rolling out of my fingers as I jump to my feet.

"Yeah! He's supposed to keep his handcuffs on but if we get you guys into an interview room or something, I'm sure we can make an exception for you," Penelope rubs her hand up and down my arms, smiling. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but everything's gonna be okay."

I scoff out a laugh, already retreating back to my lonely interview room. "It's funny, that's what I said to Spencer when he was upset over a case once. Guess I was wrong."

///

"Amelia, he's here." Penelope beams, waving me out of the interview room.

When I get to the elevator, Spencer is already hugging JJ. She sighs as she's nudged by his jacket-covered, handcuff-bound hands, hugging him as best as she can. I hear her promise the handcuffs are only because there are other people around, and Spencer nods in understanding. He looks horrible- exhausted and disheveled and nothing like the man I fell in love with. But as soon as I see him, a new wave of overwhelming, painful emotions wash over me.

Spencer lays eyes on me and his face crumbles, stepping past JJ to get to me. "I'm sorry," he whispers, but I'm not quite sure what it is he's apologizing for. There's a mountain of things it could be for. But I don't care.

I forget all the horrible things I was thinking before and pull the jacket away from his hands, ducking down and moving inside his circled arms, wrapping my arms around his neck. I squeeze him as tight as I can because I know he can't really hug me properly, and I hear him sigh contently. He melts into my embrace. His arms just hang around my waist but I barely pay mind to them. He's here and that's all I care about. He’s here and he’s touching me and he’s not okay, but he is alive and that’s all I care about.

"Are you okay?" I murmur into his neck, my eyes closed.

"No," he answers, and while I'm happy with his honesty, I'd do anything to change that answer. "I relapsed. After all those years, I relapsed."

"Spencer," I pull away and put my hands on his cheeks, staring into his red-rimmed and bloodshot eyes, "did you do it? Did you kill that woman and did you take those drugs and did you intend to distribute that stuff?"

"No, absolutely not," he answers quickly, shaking his head. "I-I was there," he looks over to make sure the team has left and they have, to give us privacy, "to get medication for my mom. I'm missing time from the drugs but that's the only thing I'm sure of. The medicine she was on wasn't helping and I found this experimental treatment but this doctor would only give it to me in Mexico and Scratch must have found out and used it against me and I'm so, so sorry, Amelia."

"Okay," I whisper back, nodding. "I believe you, dove. Whatever you tell me, I believe, you know that. The team believes you too and they're doing everything they can to prove your innocence."

He glances into the doors of the bullpen where the team is surely debriefing, now together after almost a week of being apart. Then Spencer brings his gaze back to me and rests his forehead against mine. "Are you okay? You look tired."

"Don't worry about me," I give him a tiny smile. "You worry about you."

"You had a panic attack." He quickly concludes, his face contorting into one of concern. "Where were you? Were you alone? Were you-"

"I was at home and I was with JJ and Penelope, but you know that you're the only one who helps. Anyone other than you just makes them worse. But it's fine, I'm fine. Don't waste your energy on me."

Spencer sighs, resigned, his eyes fluttering for a moment. "Can I give you a kiss?"

I savor the kiss. I savor the moment. I savor the way Spencer tries to get his hands on my back. I know that life is changing for a while. My pessimism is rearing its ugly head and I can't stop it. And whether I'm the only pessimist here or nobody else is confessing what they're thinking, I'm the only one acting on it, it seems. I kiss Spencer with everything I have because as soon as he's here, he's gone. He's sitting in a jail cell and he's staring at all without me and without his team. But this is the change that life has brought us. A change that I refuse to adapt to.

TAGLIST

@bxnnywriting @babybloodstonebones @blameitonthenight21 @feralreid @anepiphany @reidscardigan​ @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​ @stxrrywildflower​ @penemily​ @whollytaciturn​ @thegingerfairchild​ @yasminwashere​ @shrimpyblog​ @blakes-dictionxry​ @anamelessfacelessnerd​ @wonderlandhatter​ @whxt-to-write​ @inkandexchange @just-call-me-non​

[fantastic-bby]

Avia

Pairing: (F)Reader x Jeongin

Word count: 2.6k

Genre: Guardian Angel!Jeongin || Modern Witch!Reader || Fluff || It’s kinda crack 

Warnings: Demons || Mentions of death || Passed spirits 

Masterlist || Chan - Maive || Minho - Kira || Changbin - Skye || Hyunjin - Nova || Jisung - Blair || Felix - Lia || Seungmin - Raisha 

“More magic?” The voice questions in your head. You nod silently, your mind purely focused on the spell jar you were making. “What is it this time?” 

“A protection jar for myself,” you mutter in response. You hear the voice hum softly in your head, a small sense of validation filling your stomach. You’re aware of the guardian that lingers around you. Ever since you got more in touch with the spiritual world, you realised that an angel was protecting you. The more you got into witchcraft, the more you were able to speak with him. Blair’s ability to see spirits had also helped you into visualising his presence before he had revealed himself to you. 

“Wait,” the voice moves closer. You feel the familiar feeling of him revealing himself to you. “You’re not going to try and buy a cursed object, are you?” Your body freezes in the middle of the spell and you slowly turn in your chair to see Jeongin staring at you with squinted eyes. You let out a nervous laugh before turning your attention back to the spell. “(Y/n).” You can tell just from his tone that he’s warning you. 

“Jeongin, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it,” you wave your hand at him. It doesn’t please him. 

“(Y/n), you can finish the spell jar, but the cursed object will backfire.” You whip your head around to look at him.

“You can’t do that!” you exclaim. 

“You’re right. I can’t,” he clarifies, “but I’m here to protect and guide you, and as your guardian, I’m telling you that it’ll backfire.” Jeongin stands over your altar, his hands on his hips as he gives you a warning glare. “Finish the spell and don’t buy the object.” 

“Okay,” you sigh. 

Despite Jeongin’s warning, you bought the object.

“(Y/n)?!” Jeongin booms the moment you step out of the antique store. "I told you not to!" You give him a sheepish smile as you pull the tall bunny statue out of the paper bag in your hands. 

“Okay, but you have to admit,” you hold it out in front of him with a wide smile on your face. “Jeongin, it’s cute!”

“It’s cursed!” he argues. “Why are you the way that you are?” Jeongin grumbles as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can’t you feel the energy yet?” 

“I definitely can,” you nod enthusiastically. “That’s the whole reason I got this statue.” The guardian looks up at you and lets out an even louder groan. 

“There is literally a demon behind you, (Y/n).” His eye twitches with annoyance as you turn around, being faced with a very unamused looking demon. 

“Hey,” the demon waves. His dark suit would’ve deceived you if you didn’t know he was already a demon. He looked like a well dressed businessman who could easily trick an unknowing human into tragedy.

“Can we just discuss this at home and not in public where people will stare at us?” Your suggestion makes Jeongin click his tongue in annoyance, agreeing nonetheless because he knows that bringing unwanted attention to you would only put you at risk of more otherworldly harm. You make your way home, both Jeongin and the added presence of the demon following behind you. 

“So what are you?” The demon questions your guardian. 

“Her guardian angel,” he mutters, not really wanting to speak with the demon. 

“A guardian?” You glance over your shoulder when you hear the excitement in the demon’s tone. “If I bring a guardian and a human down with me, I’ll definitely be able to get away from that damn bunny statue.” 

“No, you will not!” Jeongin scoffs. “(Y/n) is under my protection and I won’t let you put your grimey hands on her.”

“Is your magic strong enough to set me free?” The demon’s lips quirk into a smirk. “Let’s make a deal, angel. If you can set me free from that object, I’ll leave your precious human alone.” 

“No way,” he shakes his head. “I’m not making any deals with any demons.” 

“Well, then you’ll have to protect her from the other two spirits that are tied to the statue.” 

“Two?!” You whip your head around and stare at the demon in shock. He only nods, the smug look on his face never disappearing. 

“You’re some kind of a psychic, aren’t you? That’s the whole reason you chose the statue,” his eyes look you up and down. 

“I’m a modern witch,” you claim. 

“Well, witch,” he snorts; it seems the idea of you being a modern witch is laughable to him. “You need to get better with your whole spiritual connection if you didn’t realise there’s more than one being attached to that thing.” He points to the paper bag still in your hands. “Even if you try to throw away the statue, it’s bound to you now, witch.” You turn to Jeongin with wide eyes. 

“I told you,” he says through gritted teeth. You let out an awkward laugh as you turn around, making your way into your apartment building with the beings following.

“How many demons are in here?” you question once you’re in the safety—well, somewhat safety—of your home. 

“I’m the only demon. The other two are just dead people.” 

“Must you refer to us that way?” A voice scoffs before a spirit appears beside the demon, her arms crossed over her chest. The demon throws his hands up in front of himself in defense. 

“It’s the truth, Amaris,” he shrugs. You stare at the new addition with wide eyes. The woman looks to be only around her late twenties, dressed in an old victorian gown with her blonde hair tied into a loose bun.

“You are unbelievable,” she huffs. “At least have some respect for us.” The spirit turns to you. “Don’t mind him. Neo can’t really do anything even though he’s a demon.” She raises an eyebrow as she turns to him. “Such a demon can’t even release himself off of a spell a human casted.” 

“Human witches were powerful back then,” he growls. “It doesn’t matter anyway since we found ourselves another ‘witch’,” he air quotes with his fingers, “that could probably set you, Rose and I free.” 

“Hello?!” Jeongin snaps. “She will not set you free at all!” he turns to you. “(Y/n), you’re getting rid of that statue and the spirits along with it.” 

“Jeongin, if I set the two spirits free, it’s not a bad thing!” you shake your head. His eyes widened in disbelief. “If only one of them is a demon, then I can set the two spirit who aren’t demons free instead!” 

“You will not!” he scoffs. “You don’t even know if they’re truly spirits or not!” 

“Can’t you figure it out? You’re my guardian anyway.” He blinks a few times, staring straight at you before turning his attention to the two beings standing in your living room. 

“Where’s the third one?” Jeongin didn’t need to ask twice. The third spirit appeared behind Amaris the moment he asked; a young woman dressed in what looks like a hospital gown, her dark brown hair tied into a loose ponytail. 

“This is Rose,” Amaris introduces. “Poor girl barely got to live her life before being tied into the statue thanks to the likes of you,” she throws a glare at Neo who shrugs. 

“She was the one who was attracted to the statue in the first place,” he chuckles, his smile sending shivers down your spine. 

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” you repeat, shaking your head while you try to process everything. “Who was in the statue originally?” Neo raises his hand. 

“I was tied to the statue because a human didn’t want me to pester his mother anymore,” he starts, “the little bastard tied me to the statue when I wasn’t paying attention and threw me away. Our lovely Amaris here found me when she was trying to find a decent gift for her king only to be repaid with death. Young Rose found me while she was trying to find things to pawn off for cash. She wasn’t that hard to bring into the statue.” 

“That is exactly why you should show Rose some compassion,” Amaris nags. 

“Oh, please,” Neo rolls his eyes. “I show her more compassion than I do with you. You wanted to bed the king knowing he had a queen.” You glance at Jeongin, noting how annoyed he looks while the beings start arguing among themselves, Rose watching silently as though she’s completely used to it. You take a few steps closer to Jeongin. 

“What do we do now?” you ask, voice a whisper.  

“Since you thought this was such a good idea,” he turns to you, “you’re banishing the demon. I’ll figure out what to do with the ghost girl and the victorian lady.” 

“Why can’t you take the demon and I take the spirits?” 

“Because you bought the statue even though I clearly told you not to.” He doesn’t say anything more before disappearing, leaving you to tend to the new spirits. You let out a heavy sigh when you realise Amaris and Neo are still arguing with each other. You take a few steps closer to Rose, pulling her aside. 

“Are they always like this?” you ask softly. She nods silently. “Not much of a talker, huh?” You turn your attention back to the bickering pair, realising that it was a good idea to have your bedroom more protected than your entire home. At least then they won’t be able to bother you while you’re sleeping. 

“I know what to do with Neo,” Jeongin announces softly when he returns. “The deities are a bit iffy—I wonder why,” he rolls his eyes, making you punch his shoulder in response. He scowls at you. “They’re having a word with the big guy downstairs. They said if the king won’t take Neo back, then we’ll just have to banish him ourselves. In terms of the spirits, Amaris isn’t dangerous, but something’s a big off about Rose.”

“Neo said she’s just a spirit, right? Then I’ll just set her free.” you turn to him. The guardian gives you a look that you can’t quite read before turning to Rose. 

“You need to tell me where you came from so that we can take you back home,” he tells her gently, “we won’t hurt you, Rose. We want to help you.” The girl looks up at him and only then you notice just how dead she looks. Compared to Amaris who glows as though she’s still alive, Rose’s eyes look dead and sullen, skin pale. “If you could just tell us where you passed, we can release your soul there.”  

“We only mean good, Rose,” you speak up, earning a soft sense of gratitude from your angel. The two of you watch as she looks around your apartment—as though she can sense your magic—before turning back to you. Her pale hand raises and points to the pendant hanging from your neck, signalling for you to take it off. You look down at the pendant, not hesitating to take it off when a voice enters your mind. 

“Stop,” Jeongin’s voice quickly snaps in your mind. “That’s your protection. Something’s not right.” You see for a moment the way Rose’s eyes seem to flicker knowingly before she tries asking once more. 

“I can’t do that,” you shake your head as you take a step closer to Jeongin. Your living room starts to feel threatening, fear slowly creeping up inside of you. 

“Why do you need her to take off her protection?” he asks as he grabs onto your wrist, pulling you closer. From the way his wings wrap around you ever so slightly, you know his protective instincts are kicking in. “You’re not a normal spirit,” Jeongin claims, his wings tightening around your frame and only pulling you closer. It seems that his claim had caught the attention of Amaris and Neo, both of them turning to see what was happening. 

“Stop it, darling,” Amaris smacks her shoulder. “They want to help.” Rose turns to her, giving her a silent look before the older spirit rolls her eyes. “Excuse Rose. She’s just as mischievous as Neo is.”

“Quite the guardian, aren’t you?” Neo teases, a bemused smirk on his way from the sight of Jeongin holding onto you so tightly. 

“Guardian, I promise that they can’t do any harm to you or your human,” she reasons. “We just want to be set free.” 

“I can only set you free,” Jeongin gestures to Amaris. “Rose has to go with the statue and Neo has to go back under.” The both of you could barely blink before Rose was standing right in front of you, her eyes wide; silently demanding be set free. Jeongin only pulls you closer until you’re pressed up against his side, his arm wrapped around your waist. “Back off or I’ll send you to where Neo came from,” he growls. “Know your limits when you’re going against a guardian, spirit.” His eyes glare into her lifeless eyes and for a moment, you see fear flash in her eyes before she steps back. “You guys are allowed to be here until we figure out where to leave you. Until then, you’re not allowed to even touch (Y/n).” Jeongin pulls you into your bedroom without another word to the beings, closing the door behind him. You let out a heavy sigh as you sit yourself at the foot of your bed, taking in the situation you had just put yourself in. “I’ll handle Rose and Neo,” he speaks up, “you just have to unbind Amaris from the statue.” 

“I thought you were giving me Neo to handle,” you look up at him. 

“Yeah, well, you’re still a beginner,” Jeongin sits beside you. “I can’t afford to lose you just because I wanted to teach you a lesson.” 

“Did I make things too difficult?” you question, your teeth chewing on your bottom lip when you realise just how frustrated he is. 

“It’s okay,” he shakes his head, turning to you with a small smile. “Worst comes to worst, I’ll get another angel to come down and help us.” You give him a doubtful look, afraid that you’ve dug too deep a hole. “Don’t worry about it, (Y/n).” He wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling your head to lean on his shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, Jisung said Blair’s summoning a demon, too, so now you guys have more things in common.” 

“Is she?” you gasp, pulling away to look at him. Jeongin nods. “Oh god, I need to cast a protection spell for her too then.” You stand up from your bed, rushing to your altar while your guardian watches, an amused smile on his face. He knows you’re excited for your spiritual journey. With how you perk up when you get the slightest of signs and how bright you get whenever you realise that a spell is actually working, Jeongin should’ve expected that you’d get a little too excited over the idea of trying to banish a demon yourself. Jeongin makes his way over to your altar, his hands on your shoulders as he leans closer. 

“Don’t forget to cleanse,” he reminds you while holding out an incense stick in front of you. Your body freezes. “It could be Neo’s energy interfering with your space.” 

“Thanks,” you thank him sheepishly as you take the stick from his hand. Once lit, you sit back in your chair as you watch the smoke wisp into the air, Jeongin by your side. “Sorry for bringing the demon here.” 

“It’s okay,” he hums, his hand resting on your shoulder. “It’s all for experience. I’ll be by your side until you become a powerful witch.” Jeongin gives you a wide smile. “And I’ll be here even after.” 

“Thank you, Jeongin,” you smile at him. 

“But if you summon a demon again even when I tell you not to, you’ll have to handle them on your own,” he warns, his eyes switching to serious. You chuckle, nodding your head. 

“Next time I wanna summon a demon, I’ll listen to you.” 

[dominaelumine]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏, 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒. ⠀

phobia ; /ˈ𝖿əʊ𝖻ɪə/ ; 𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗇 ⠀⠀⠀⠀

— an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something ⠀⠀⠀⠀

— a type of anxiety disorder 

a series of short drabbles about tandy’s most prominent fears. 

tw: domestic abuse, unwanted touching, drowning, claustrophobia ⠀⠀

𝗶. 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗲𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗮 ; 𝖺 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖻𝗂𝖽 𝖿𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝗈𝖿 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈𝗎𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

It’s the most painful; she aches for it, hands in fists, nails grating against fleshy palms. She doesn’t remember the last time she was hugged but she knows she was young- eight or so, nestled in her father’s arms on some day he was feeling amicable. Now, Tandy skulks on street corners and watches couples holding hands, parents carrying their children, best friends with arms over each other’s shoulders. When she’s feeling brave, she longs for the feeling of someone pressed against her, for the privilege of being held; imagines curling into the lap of the boy who makes her blush, or having a friend to cuddle with whilst watching movies.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

But then reality hits. It could be a man bumping up against her whilst standing on a tram; a woman tapping her on the shoulder to get by in a store. The tightening of her chest, the way her mind retracts like a turtle shooting back into its shell. She wants to turn herself inside out, rip her skin off in the middle of the night when she remembers thick fingers pushing and legs holding her down and teeth at her throat- ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

When she’s done hurting herself, all thoughts of friends and boys have dissolved. She’s better alone- alone is safe, and her body is hers, and no one will ever touch her again. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

✧ ✧ ✧ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

𝗶𝗶. 𝗮𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗮 ; 𝖺 𝖿𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝗈𝖿 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Eight. Two months after the accident, and a well-meaning teacher sends a letter home with Tandy, tucked into the pink backpack that’s beginning to fray. They’ve called before, they’ve sent letters through the post- her mother, Melissa, never updated their details after they were forced into the trailer park, trying to render them both unreachable. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

The letter is short, embarrassed, blunt. Tandy has gone from a well kept little girl with freshly pressed clothes, to one with grime under her fingernails and grease in her hair. She smells, and the other kids don’t want to go near her when they sit down for circle time. When Melissa reads this, Tandy watches, tearfully, as something in her breaks. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀���⠀

Years later, she only remembers fragments. Being dragged by the back of her neck, the soft glug glug of the running water coming through the rusty taps, screaming; her father would be so disappointed, dirty little thing, bringing shame, bringing attention- ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

-and then her head, thrust under the water, limbs once-rigid now flailing in blind panic.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Melissa never once stops to consider that, perhaps, her daughter is afraid of water after a near-drowning experience. When Tandy begins washing herself again, she forgets the incident within days. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Tandy does not forget. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

✧ ✧ ✧ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

𝗶𝗶𝗶. 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗮 ; 𝖺 𝖿𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗌𝗉𝖺𝖼𝖾𝗌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

She thinks this comes from the sinking car, too; it certainly fits, and she still has nightmares of being trapped in that inky blackness, tiny fists hammering against the soft car roof interior, water lapping up at her chest, her neck, her lips, her nose. ⠀⠀⠀

Later, though, tearing through shrink wrap in Andre’s record store of horrors, Tandy sinks deep into repressed memories and finds something more. While she’s paralysed with white powder, stripped of her clothes and remade into something for consumption, her mind wanders; five or six, given a bright tablet to play with and noise cancelling headphones.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

They’re pink- the tablets and the headphones- and her daddy sits her on his lap to teach her how to use them. Here is the button to turn it on and off. Here are the apps that will replace my parenting. Here are the headphones that will block out the sound of your mother’s sobbing.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

But it isn’t the tool of distraction that he hopes. The cries carry regardless, seeping through the cheap foam around her little ears. Her eyes slip upwards from the tablet, and she sees; she can’t not see, mahogany eyes liquid and wide as her father’s fist breaks her mother’s nose. The blood is red, red, red, and the tablet slips from Tandy’s fingers onto the floor. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

She falls off the couch, chubby legs flashing; taking the half second to snatch the tablet back up. And then she runs to the place that she has designated as safe; the place she completely forgot, years later. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

The cupboard under the stairs. Even as small as she is, she can feel the walls closing in as she folds in on herself. Even as music and pretty cartoons play on the tablet she begins to writhe, panicking, desperate from fresh air away from cobwebs and dust. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

But there’s a monster outside; nowhere to go. Suffocating in the dark, it’s the start of the most primal of her phobias- one that carries through her in nebulous forms for the rest of her life. ⠀

✧ ✧ ✧ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

𝗶𝘃. 𝗮𝗴𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗯𝗶𝗮 ; 𝖺 𝖿𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝗈𝖿 𝖻𝖾𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗇 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝖾𝗌𝖼𝖺𝗉𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖻𝖾 𝖽𝗂𝖿𝖿𝗂𝖼𝗎𝗅𝗍⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Run away. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

It’s a powerful instinct; one that’s been with her for her entire life. From her father first, then her mother, then Rick, then Liam, then Andre and Lia and everyone and everything. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Run away. Run away. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Lia explains, in a sweet, honeyed voice, that the reason the place of her capture is called the Viking Motel is because that’s how the Vikings used to build their forts. One way in, one way out. It’s the same with her room- all peeling wallpaper, crooked prints of flowers, scabby carpets- and it’s single door, opening out onto a balcony where the men line up. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Afterwards, she struggles with rooms with one way in, one way out. Be it a window that opens wide enough, or another door, or even a vent that she can pry with the tip of her daggers- out, damned spot. She used to be reckless, and sometimes she longs for that spirit, that unrestrained belief in her own power. Now she can’t do anything without an exit strategy. Perhaps it makes her safer- but it also makes her sadder, having to constantly be on guard. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

On bad days, it traps her. Keeps her in her bed, in her room, chest of drawers pushed over the door so no one can get in. She’s spent so much time building a place that makes her feel safe, that she doesn’t know how to leave it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

[mists-of-hithlum]

Child of Lightning

A.k.a me giving Jason a backstory and a flimsy attemt at explaining what is up with Jasons powers and why he isn't as powerful as the rest of the children of the big three.

Part 1/3

The first time he uses his powers Jason is two years old. Lia only laughs when the lightning makes her hair stick out. His mother lies in her bed and sleeps. A strange smell is in the flat.

"That's our little secret, Jason, yes?", she says and dishelves his hair.

He doesn't understand her and struggles free of her arms. He doesn't like it when she does that. Lia smiles and hugs him again. His hair crackles when it meets her shirt.

He is two years old and it is cold and dark and he is afraid. The animal before him looks like a giant dog and he shudders, but even the great goddess Lupa shies away from his lightning. He has to keep back the sparks. Only then he is allowed to snuggle into her soft, warm fur. Strange. Lia was never afraid of the lightning.

He is three and the lightning can't hurt him. The other campers look at him with awe in their eyes. They lead him into a big building and he has to stretch out his arm. It burns. He nearly can't hold back the tears. But the picture of the eagle is really beautiful. Admiring, he traces the lines on his arm. He doesn't really notice when the others proclaim: " Ave Jason Grace, son of Jupiter!"

He is three and kneels beside the unmoving body of the woman who he is staying with. But even she doesn't want to tell him where Lia and his mother are. He was impatient and the sparks appeared. He doesn't understand why she is lying on the floor and sleeping. The bed is so much softer. The lightning still dances over his skin.

It is the first time his powers hurt someone, but he is too young to really understand it. He only shakes uselessly her shoulder.

"Wake up!"

He is five and it is the first time he loses control. He is frustrated when he has to repeat the steps again. It is so eays to call the lightning. Only when he calms down again can he see what he did. Julia is staring shocked at him, but she is unharmed. Hadrian cowers on the ground, arms protecting his head. It takes a long time befor the fear'll disappear from his eyes. Only now Jason begins to understand what he can do.

He is six and he and Hadrian are allowed to watch to official training od the legion. Both are excited when they sit at the side of the field. Little sparks jump over Jasons skin and the air around him crackles, but he keeps the lightning back inside. Enthusiasticly he tries to copy the movements of the legionnaires. Only Hadrian notices that the air follows his gestures.

He is seven and the training has started. Hadrian has become his best friend. They don't have to choose their cohort right now, but they know that they want to stay together. They're still on probatio. But Jadon can hear the whispers behind his back. First cohort, they say. Maybe even Praetor.

He doesn't want to become Praetor. He wants to learn new things and here he learns so much like nowhere before. He even forgot Lia for a while. But it is difficult to keep the lightning inside. He has to concentrate all the time. It would be ao easy to just let his powers loose.

He is eight and he nearly killed his Zenturio. The lightning still flashes over his skin, even as the storm has faded. The other recruits look at him with panic or horror in their faces. They are afraid of what he can do. Even Hadrian keeps his distance.

When the doctora finally arrive has the lightning stopped. While they desperately try to save Max' life, Jason makes a promise to himself. He won't ever let the winds and the lightning free again.

And he will never be free of the fear that crawled into his thoughts on this day.

He is nine and for nearly a year he hasn't had an accident. But even that can't make up for Hadrians hurt look when he chooses the fifth cohort. His friend joins the second cohort but Jason can't. He doesn't want the constant looks of the whole camp, silently judging him. Damning or praising him because of his father or his abilities or even both. He wants to achieve something by himself. And if he is honest with himself: He doesn't believe that he's earned a place up there with the others.

Regardless, he does what he can. He is always in control of his powers, but on some days the winds rampage inside him and the lightning slowly burns him to ash. It hurts, but it doesn't matter. It's only him.

To be continued.

[mystic-kitten-writer]

Limerence [M] ︳19

Pairing: Zuko x OC

Genre: Romance, mainly fluff with future smut, and if you squint hard enough - you’ll find some angst.

Rating: SFW

Words: 5200+

Notes: A bit of a sad chapter, but I promise it gets better loves <3 I remember writing this, and not at all intending it to be as angst as it turned out (I hate writing sad things, it hurts my heart~). Well enjoy everyone, thanks for the support and love <3

Masterlist ︳18 ︳ 20

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

 Limerence: (English/n.) the state of being infatuated with another person.

The moment their eyes locked they knew - the flames within him twisted while the water within her turned. It was a connection, a connection that would lead to love, adventure, and drama.

Fanaa

(Hindi/n.) Destruction of the self; “destroyed in love.”

~ Ying Yue Jiang ~

            The green sails bobbed up and down with the current, the sounds of chatter and laughter seemingly being carried with the wind into our bedroom. It was quite gloomy, despite all of the ruckus, the first time since I have arrived that the sunlight wasn’t shining through the clouds. The gray sky swirled above, the air smelt dewy, signalling for rain in a few more moments. But despite the dark atmosphere, I bore a curious smile, since for one; I was quite a fan of rain, but also in anticipation.

            Lia draped my silk robe over my shoulder’s from behind, startling me slightly, “Ah- thank you.” I said faintly, my gaze consumed with what I saw from the window. I already knew Lia rolled her eyes as I tried to tie my robe around my waist without looking down – I can’t see them at all.

            “For spirit’s sakes Ying Yue- here.” Lia grumbled as she tied the sash around my waist, “I swear if I left you, I would come back to you still standing here with your mouth to the floor in your damn lingerie.”

            “Sorry, I’m just curious.” I said with an apologetic smile, but despite her crossed arms, she still bore a smile, “I know; hence the tight leash Fire Lord Zuko keeps on you.”

            “I’m not some puppy…” I grumbled under my breath, but Lia just grinned.

            “Well, he didn’t say you were a puppy.”

            “Then what did he call me?”

            Lia opened her mouth slightly, before placing her finger upon her lips, “Puppy sounds nicer. Let’s just go with that.”

            “What’s that suppose to mean!?” I huffed as Lia laughed away, rummaging through my wardrobe. “You’re really going to ask me what Fire Lord Zuko thinks about you?” Lia scoffed, picking out potential dresses for me to wear, all of them made from the finest silks and decorated to the spirits. It was my turn to be left speechless; she had a point. I just snickered to myself once more before gazing back to the window.

            The Earth King and his brother-in-law, who has been nicknamed as ‘the asshole’ – courtesy of Zuko and Sokka, had arrived. I was eager to meet them, greet them once they finally docked. But Zuko made me promise one thing, and that was to not travel down with him to the docks. In all fairness, I wasn’t too upset at his decision, mainly because as great as I felt, I also knew that I was still a bit too fragile to travel to the pier and back and have enough energy for tonight’s dinner party.

            So instead, I found myself helplessly scanning the grounds from my window, in hopes of finding them. I could hear Lia groaning to herself as she watched me stand guard at the window, “They just got here not even an hour ago, they could still be making their way up the palace.” Lia spoke logically, and I couldn’t help but smile sadly knowing she had a point. Gosh, I missed them – their dirty jokes, their loud laughs, even the teasing!

            “Princess is sleeping with Zuko now?”

            “Ouu, do you think they’re doing the dirty tango?”  

            My eyes widen, their voices loud and clear. It’s them – and really, ‘dirty tango?’ I swiftly turned on my heel at the sound of their voices, the bedroom door flung open with a loud bang against the wall, “OHHH PRINCESS~!” they sang in unison. Never did I think I would be as thrilled as I am now to hear my awful nickname – a first for everything I guess.

            My eyes lit up, and I couldn’t stop the enthusiastic gasp that escaped me as I ran forward, “TOPH-SUKI!” I cheered. Right away my arms wrapped around their necks as I pulled them in tightly, Toph groaning in annoyance while Suki just giggled and snuggled back. “I missed you guys so much!” I blubbered happily as I nuzzled my face into their necks; so much to tell them!

            Toph snickered, but I could feel her pat my back and for a brief second, hug me back. “You look so good, Yue! It seems like Zuko has been taking pretty good care of you for us!” Suki gushed as we pulled away, her hands squeezing my cheeks with admiration. I grinned sheepishly at her compliment, but just as I was about to speak, Suki placed her hand over my mouth. “Before anything - we have a surprise.” My eyes widen, confused, but Toph just knocked on the closed door behind them, “You can come in now.”

            My eyebrows furrowed together, Suki letting her hand drop from my face, and the door opened. My heart fluttered, and my eyes teared up seeing who opened the door. Her hair decorated with her signature braids and her crystal blue eyes looking at me with pure happiness. There’s no way; she is supposed to be back at home – how…

            “Kima?” I whispered.

            She smiled brightly, waving shyly, “That’s me. Here to stay.”

            I dashed forward, engulfing her in the biggest hug of the century. It’s Kima; she’s here, oh my gosh she’s here. Kima laughed, hugging me back just as tightly, “I missed you so much.” I sniffled into her arms as she patted my head, “I know my Lady. You can thank Fire Lord Zuko.”

            “What?” I gasped, pulling away with a dumbfounded expression on my face. Kima smiled, wiping away my tears of happiness from my cheeks with her sleeves, gosh I missed Kima. I loved Lia, she was terrific, but Kima was Kima – someone no one could replace. “Before you left, Fire Lord Zuko asked if I would be willing to work for him as your maid, alongside Lia.”

            “The only catch was that she would have to come with us to the Earth Nation, so she would have enough time to pack and get things sorted since you two lovebirds left in a hurry.” Suki finished, a massive grin on her face as she watched my evident shock. Zuko did this; he knew how much I adored Kima. She was the first friend I made when the gang took me to the Southern Water Tribe – he knew.

            “B-but, the Southern Tribe, that’s your home. What about your family and friends-” Kima shook her head, “You’re my friend, and I’m pretty sure I can start a family wherever I go.”

            It was then I noticed Kima gazing over my shoulder, a soft smile on her face. I turned around, seeing she was gazing over at Lia, who bore a soft blush upon her face – I’m such an idiot. How did I not realize- “I guess we both found love huh?” I whispered, and Kima smiled bashfully, “I guess we did. There must be something in the Fire Nation water.” I laughed at Kima, shaking my head, not realizing how much I missed her voice, her touch, her jokes.  

            “Sorry to ruin the moment, but what’s that on your face Yue…” Suki whispered, reaching forward and tracing the long pink scar on my jaw. My eyes widen, they don’t know. Zuko, Sokka or Aang never told them yet. Kima frowned as well, poking at my face, inspecting me like a mother who noticed her child got injured. “Ying Yue tripped! You know how clumsy she is.” Lia said with nervous laughter, her hands tightly hugging my shoulders from behind. Thank goodness for Lia and her quick thinking.

            “Ha, you know me,” I said with a bright smile as I played with my fingers. Kima and Suki snickered, oblivious to the white lie Lia said, “My Lady, you really need to be careful.” Kima lectured, “You really did a number on yourself.” I smiled awkwardly, anxiously biting my lip, because, at the corner of my eye, I could see Toph. A frown on her face as she crossed her arms, Toph knew. Toph knew we were lying through our teeth, but she didn’t say a word. “I can tell you guys more about it later, just not now…” I said, and Toph nodded, understanding the double meaning in my words.

            As much as I wanted to tell them what happened, Lia and I knew it would be foolish. Right now our concern was with the Earth King and his safety; the last thing we should do is tell them about an incident that was written off as nothing more than a natural accident. Well, at least that was what Zuko had said to me - an accident. But I couldn’t shake off the uneasiness Zuko had when he said it, as if he didn’t believe his own words. I also couldn’t shake away the fact that I swore I saw someone at the top of the waterfall that day before the rocks came tumbling down – or maybe it was my mind playing tricks…

            “So you and Zuko are sleeping in the same room now?” Suki said with a raised brow, a giant grin on her face. I blushed realizing her words, suddenly pulling my robe closer to my body, “Uh, yeah. We’re sleeping together – but, uh, not like that.” I muttered as Toph and Suki snickered to themselves, “So you’re telling me. That you’re going around dressed like that, sleeping in the same bed, and nothing is going on under the sheets?” Suki spoke, the smirk on her face growing more and more.

            “Gosh Suki, not everything revolves around sex!” I stammered, but Kima giggled.

            “Don’t get me started on the damn hickies,” Lia muttered under her breath, and right away, the gateway of endless teasing was opened.

            “THE WHAT?!” Suki shrieked, and for once, Toph looked extremely interested in the conversation. “You’re a bug.” I grumbled towards Lia, but she just grinned, “Payback for all the trouble you put me through.” Kima sighed heavily, covering her face with her hands, “What did I willingly walk myself into?” Kima muttered under her breath. Lia laughed, wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

            “Tomorrow, we’re having a girls night. And you, Princess, are spilling all of the damn beans.” Suki spoke with crossed arms. I let out an exhausted sigh, knowing very well what a girl’s night entails; wine, a far then appropriate conversation about sex, and more wine. But deep down – I was looking forward to it, maybe I could ask them for some advice regarding ‘sexy time’...what’s the worst that could come from that?

            “Well, Imperial Consort Ying Yue, we have exactly one hour to get ready for the dinner party. So let’s get dressed, shall we?” Lia spoke, clapping her hands together. Kima grinned happily, “Can I do her makeup? It’s been such a long time-”

            “You do makeup; I do hair, I love playing with her hair – it’s so long.”

            I smiled watching them together; they were like two peas in a pot. Teamwork makes the dream work.

                        The sound of rain pattering lightly against the roof echoed in the hallway, calming my nerves as I fiddled with my necklace. Everyone was already inside of the grand hall, including the gang. Suki and Toph had to stand post as security with Sokka, while Aang was already inside chatting away - politics. The hallway was empty, as everyone who should be inside, was already inside, minus Zuko and me. I crossed my arms as I stared at the doors to the grand hall, breathing deeply.

            It was my first formal party as Imperial Consort - a big step for me, and my heart started beating erratically against my chest just thinking about it. I was beyond nervous, gosh Yue get it together. It’s one stupid dinner party – A warm hand on my lower back caught my attention, instantly my breath hitched hearing his husky voice in my ear, “You look delicious, how about we skip the dinner, I think I've found my meal right here.”

            My cheeks flushed, turning on my heel swiftly. My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at Zuko – a mischievous smirk playing along his pink lips as he towered over me.

            Damn.

            He looks good.

            I hadn’t seen him all day, now being the first, and maybe that was a good thing; given that my self-control was being tested to the max. His hair was pulled up into a sharp bun, keeping true to his prime and proper image he worked so hard on creating. Not a single hair out of place - slicked back to perfection. Zuko wore a mahogany coloured robe that clung to his body, a deep V neckline showing off his killer collarbones, and teased at the hidden muscles that were underneath. A sizeable overflowing cardigan that almost touched the floor loosely hung off his broad shoulders, decorated with golden dragons.

            Zuko's fingers danced along my face, his lips just hovering upon mine. His natural scent of firewood was overwhelming; butterflies were fluttering in my stomach as I found myself struggling to breathe. “Hi,” I whispered breathlessly, all too consumed with him. It hasn’t even been a full day, but I missed him. Gosh, I missed him. His touch, his warmth - I love him.

            Zuko chuckled lowly, devouring my lips with his own. We stood there without a single hint of concern, enjoying the way our lips danced together, a private dance that only we knew. He hummed pleasantly as I gasped. My eyes fluttered closed, my hands falling on his chest, just basking in his presence, the rush to join the party suddenly gone.

            “Hi, love.” He whispered, so low that I could’ve easily mistaken it as a groan. I smiled, pulling away, letting my finger teasingly touch the skin that was exposed. “I think I found my meal as well.” Zuko grinned, his hands trailing up and down my back, pulling me against him as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. Faint butterfly kisses was all I could feel, trailing up and down my throat with ease. My knees buckled, but I found myself tightly gripping his front the moment he nibbled my ear, “How about we skip the dinner, and go straight to dessert.” Zuko growled; a hint of desperation in his voice.

            I bit my lip, swallowing the moan that so desperately wanted to escape. Never, has Zuko been so upfront like this. So openly needy that it caught me off guard. “Z-Zuko, the Earth King - Kuei.” Zuko hissed, gripping me tightly as he pressed his forehead against mine, “Don’t ever mention another man’s name with me, especially like this.” I rolled my eyes, “He’s married.”

            “And you’re naïve to think that would stop a man. You haven’t played politics till you played with the Earth Nation.”

            “He cheated?” I gasped.

            “Not him, he’s probably the only good soul in the Earth Nation government. But for the rest of the Earth Nation royals…” I frowned, who would've thought, no wonder Zuko was so hesitant to have me come to this party. “We should get inside Zuko,” I spoke, clearly the only one with politics in mind. Zuko groaned miserably, placing another kiss upon my lips, “Can I change your mind?” he mumbled. I giggled, poking his chest, “Very unlike you mister Fire lord. Wanting to skip on your duties like this.” Zuko let out a sigh, shrugging his shoulders, “You owe me.” Zuko grumbled, pulling away and linking arms with me.

            “I owe you nothing; it’s your job.”

            “Way to throw me a bone.”

            “Like the damn leash you have on me?” I grumbled.

            Zuko smirked, his hand sneaking far past my hip, giving me a playful slap on my ass, “Well if that’s what you’re into, I have no problem tying you up.”  

            “Oh fuck you Zuko! You pervert!”

            “Fuck me indeed.”

            “ZUKO."

            "Has anyone ever told you that you're adorable when teased?"

            “Congratulations Fire Lord Zuko, Imperial Consort Ying Yue, I wish we could have sailed faster to celebrate such a joyful occasion.” Earth King Kuei spoke with a broad smile, his crown bobbing as he bowed down towards us. 

            Zuko beamed, taking a sip of his red wine, “Don’t fret, you’ll be the first to receive the wedding invitation.” I blushed at Zuko’s words, although I knew it was nothing more but political and friendly banter, a soundless promise, it still rattled me. If only Zuko knew how I felt about him, how much I wanted those words to be true. The Earth King chuckled to himself; his green eyes lit up with delight at the thought of a wedding while his green robes swayed with each chuckle of his. “Maybe you two could get married in the new Nation.” The King spoke casually, but it was then I knew, let the passive-aggressive decisions begin.

            I could feel Zuko’s arm stiffen from underneath me, yet his charming smile never wavered once. His golden eyes twinkling, he was in his zone. “It would be quite an idea, something we can ponder about after we sign the papers.”

            “Always on top of things Fire Lord Zuko –  wouldn’t expect anything less from the Fire Lord himself.” The King spoke, taking a small sip from his goblet. “Although we would have to deal with the rebels.” My eyebrows furrowed together, the who?

            Zuko sighed frustratingly, an understanding transpiring between them both. Clearly, these people are a lot more trouble than even I realize if Zuko is getting tense just thinking about them. “The rebels?” I blurted. Zuko looked down at me, seemingly forgetting I was even here to begin with. “Ahh, a group of men and women who take pleasure in raiding villages and such.” Spoke the Earth King, shaking his head in regret.

            “They’ve taken thousands, from the wealthy and the poor,” Zuko grumbled.

            The Earth King shrugged his shoulders in defeat, seemingly as upset as Zuko, “And to think that it is all handled by one man – Yakone.”

            It was like a lightbulb in my head went off – Yakone. A name so familiar, yet nothing more but a story. Why was that name so familiar? Why does it seem like I’ve heard it before? “Ying Yue?” Zuko whispered in my ear, gently tapping my hand. My eyes widen, head snapping upwards as I realized that I had zoned out, “S-sorry. It’s just that the name, Yakone, it sounds so familiar.”

            The Earth King chuckled, “Not surprised; he’s infamous. Killed hundreds without any remorse, rumours say he’s a Bloodbender.” He's a what- In a snap, my body went rigid. A cold sweat overcame me - my palms felt clammy, the air felt heavy, and I knew my face went white.

            A Bloodbender, that’s impossible…

            “Sorry, I shouldn’t talk about such rumours as if they were the truth.” The Earth King said lightly, seeing the evident fear in my face. I forced a smile, struggling to find my voice, “I-I’m sorry, I’m just a bit parched. Please excuse me while I fetch a drink.” I untangled myself from Zuko’s arm and dashed, pushing through people in desperation.

            Despite the large room, I felt trapped. Suddenly people brushing up against me to get by sent my nerves on overdrive. Everything felt too much. My breath shortened as I struggled to stay focus, spots clouding my vision as my head pounded — a Bloodbender.

            A Bloodbender.

            A Bloodbender.

            How? I-I thought-

            “What is a beautiful lady like yourself doing all alone this evening?”

            My head snapped to my side, a hand softly grabbing mine. I flinched, not expecting such contact, an unexpected gasp escaping me. A tall man stood before me, long black hair tied back, loosely falling behind his shoulders. He was handsome; his skin sun-kissed. He bore a brilliant smile, his pearly white teeth gleaming towards me as he gently patted my hand, “Sorry to startle you; your beauty captured me.” His voice was low, yet it had a smoothness to it, not rough or husky like Zuko’s.

            “O-oh, no, sorry. I was in my own little world.” I stuttered, taken off guard by his presence. Wait, did he just call me beautiful? A blush erupted on my cheeks, Zuko was the first man to say I was beautiful. It felt weird having another man compliment me, oh well - just shut up and accept it I guess. The mysterious man chuckled, seemingly interested at me getting flustered. Gosh, his eyes are so green - “My name is Kayto and yours?”

            “Uh, Imperial Consort Ying Yue Jiang,” I said quickly, realizing that he still held my hand in his. His eyes widen in surprise, “Imperial Consort?” He repeated a hint of disbelief in his voice. I smiled and nodded, “Please take this as a compliment, but aren’t you a bit too young to be a consort? You’re so young, to think that some old man is going to bewed you.”

            My eyes widen realizing why he had said that - and to be fair; he was right to some degree. Such a title was given to older women or men, people later in their lives ready to get married and have kids within the next year or so. I laughed at the way Kayto’s face seemed pale at the thought of me marrying an old man, “I promise you; he isn’t old.” I said with a giggle. The idea of Zuko with grey hair and a small old age belly brought a smile to my face; I would love to get old with Zuko – retired and snuggling all day and night. I wonder if he will still be as grumpy as now?

            Kayto laughed; a sense of relief on his face, “Still, it’s a shame to know that you’re taken. You seem lovely.” I awkwardly looked at my feet, not used to such compliments. Is this what flirting is? “Ahh-uh, thank you.” I stammered out, biting my lip. Kayto chuckled, watching me fail miserably to get out this situation, but just as quick, Kayto’s eyes narrowed. Before I could realize, his soft hand was outstretched and gently traced my lower jaw, “He may be young, but he doesn’t take care of you.” He muttered, tracing the scar.

            I frowned, “It’s an old wound-”

            “I’m not a fool to injuries. It’s pink, soft, fresh. How could a man let such a flower like you get hurt?” He huffed. I opened my mouth to speak, but once again, I was at a lost of words. Did he just call me a flower? I like flowers - for fucks sakes Yue focus, this man is flirting with you! Leave! “If you were mine I wouldn’t let a single thing touch you.” He muttered, his hand gently falling from my face and brushing my hair back. I froze, “It was my fault, I was careless-”

            “I would love to meet the man whom you’re destined to wed. I have a feeling I could do much better.”

            “That wouldn’t be necessary-”

            “It’s me.”

            I could feel hot hands place themselves on my hips, pulling me into his chest with a thud that knocked the air out of me. I looked over my shoulder, seeing Zuko’s face, a sense of relief overcoming me - he saved me. But my gladness quickly disappeared. Zuko looked furious. His eyes narrowed, lips pressed thin, as the vein down his neck popped out in irritation. I could see the way he clenched his jaw, his golden eyes flickering in fury. He's mad, oh no- is he angry at me?

            “Fire Lord Zuko,” Kayto said quickly, bowing slightly.

            Zuko’s grip on my waist was tight, so tight that I could feel his fingers digging into my skin, I’m going to have bruises at this rate - “Long time no see, Kayto.” Zuko hissed, not bothering to sound happy at all. Kayto grinned, seemingly noticing the hatred in Zuko’s voice, “Aahh, Fire Lord Zuko, do you know Kayto? I just bumped into him, and we were just talking-” I awkwardly stammered out, but stopped when Zuko looked down at me, a mocking smile on his face, “Do you know who this man is?” Zuko snarled.

            “Uh, his name is Kayto…” I meekly spoke. Zuko smiled once again, but the smile on his face was far from genuine. It was so forced that it killed me to see, let alone have it directed towards me. He leaned into my ear, whispering so only I could hear, “He’s the Earth King’s brother-in-law.” For the second time this evening, I could feel my stomach in my throat. He was ‘the asshole’ that Zuko and Sokka talked about. Just my luck, the only man to speak to me during this whole party and it has to be him?

            “I’ll leave you two lovebirds be, and Imperial Consort Ying Yue-” I turned to face Kayto, forcing a smile on my face as I looked at him, “My offer is still on the table. I’ll never let a beauty such as yourself get defaced with a scar.”

            In an instant, I turned around, gripping Zuko’s gown in my hands, trying my best to prevent Zuko from lunging towards him. Kayto snickered as he walked away, laughing as he walked away unhurt as I struggled to keep Zuko in my grasp. Zuko was fuming right underneath my hands, breath heavy as he snarled. “Zuko! Relax; I didn’t know that was him!” I whispered harshly, trying hard not to attract a crowd.

            At the sound of my voice, Zuko looked down at me, pure disgust on his face, “Nice to know how you feel about scars. I guess I was just some pity case for you.” Zuko spat. My eyes widen, feeling Zuko back away from my touch - as if my grasp was venom, “W-what? Why would you think that?” I whispered, my voice cracking as Zuko stepped back, “Wouldn’t want a scar or else you’ll turn ugly. I get it; I heard it my whole fucking life. And to think, that you were the first person in my life to look past my scar - fuck am I stupid.”

            “Z-Zuko...” I whimpered, losing my voice as he swiftly turned on his heel and left me. My cry out to him just blended in with the rest of the chatter amongst us. My mouth felt dry, and my voice went as I watched his figure get smaller and smaller the faster he walked away. My eyes teared up as I clenched my fists - not now.

            Today was supposed to be magical, the first party Zuko and I attended to as a couple. But instead of happiness, I was standing with hundreds of people – alone. Zuko was nowhere in sight, probably just acting normal, being the amazing actor he was. Zuko was angry with me - he hated me. My chest felt like it was tightening as every breath hurt, a struggle. "Hey, Yue - you okay?" 

            I looked behind, Aang's brows pinched together as he reached forward, but I pulled away. "He hates me..." I whispered. Aang's eyes widen, "W-what are you talking-"

            "Aang...I love Zuko, and he-he…hates me."

            "You love Zuko?" Aang blurted, his eyes frantically bouncing around the room, looking for answers. "Yue, what happened?" Aang spoke sternly, pushing his glass of water to some waiter as he moved towards me. But I shook my head, pulling away once again, "I-I need to go. I'm fine - stay at the party. You have-you have things to do." 

            "Yue wait!" 

            I pushed my way through the crowds, leaving the party as I dashed to our bedroom. I can’t be there; I can’t.

            The guard's eyes widen seeing me and how flustered I appeared. I hastily pushed them aside, not bothering to greet them - too busy trying my hardest not to let my tears fall. I slammed the bedroom door shut; my shoulders slumped as I struggled to breathe.

            I just stood there, in the middle of the bedroom for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. So much had happened, so much and I didn’t know what to think. I could feel my legs weaken from underneath, my body tingling as I shook. Each step to the bed hurt, my eyes glazing over as Zuko’s words ran through my mind on repeat. A giant lump in my chest, a pressure that was just building and building the more I tried to breathe, to think.

            Something soft in my hands caught my attention, only then noticing that I had unknowingly grabbed the teddy bear Zuko gave me. The brown fur still warm from the nightly snuggles – Zuko’s warmth. My lip quivered.

            Take a deep breath Yue; everything is going to be – I cried.

            My knees curled up to my chest as I stuffed my face into the teddy, the poor creature soaking up all of my tears. “W-why doesn’t Zuko understand that I love him?” I cried, almost wishing that the bear would answer back. But instead, the teddy bear looked back at me expressionless. I held the teddy closer to my chest, my makeup running down my face as I crashed against the pillow.

            My body trembled as I cried, my throat sore and nose red.

            I love him.

            Every single thing about him.

            I didn’t care that he had a scar, that didn’t make me love him any less. With or without that scar, I loved Zuko. I shut my eyes as I wiped my nose with the sleeves of my dress, not caring at all that I was probably ruining the finest of silks. I looked at the bear, foolishly speaking to it as if it understood me, “I love him. But all I do is hurt him over and over again.” The teddy's soulless black beaded eyes stared at me, my reflection shining back.

            My hair was a mess, my cheeks stained, and I choked up once again, “I love- I love Zuko. Why didn’t I tell him right then and there? That I think he’s perfect?” I shut my eyes. I could hear the water hitting the window with a vengeance. The distant sound of thunder rumbling, the spirits way of saying they were upset about something.

            A pathetic whimper left my lips, exhaustion consuming me, I love you – why can’t you understand that?

Copyright © 2019 Mystic-Kitten, inc. all rights reserved. No reposting, modifying, or translations of any kind allowed. Thank you for your cooperation. 

Disclaimer: I do not own any Avatar characters portrayed in this story besides Ying Yue Jiang, Lia, Kima, and any future creations.

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

[msjr0119]

What took you so long?

Part 8- Discharged

Liam had been assassinated, Drake had left Cordonia before this. He had heard from Savannah about his friend- he felt guilty not returning. Someone had blackmailed him to not return, with only his sister knowing the truth. Leo had taken over the throne in place of his brother due to there being no heir....

*CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY*

{Drake x Riley}

Tags: @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @bbrandy2002 @kingliam2019 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012

******

Between Drake and the others they had tried to comfort Riley over the last few days. She was still confused with what was reality and what wasn’t. Maxwell tried to trigger her memory by showing her different social media sites - pictures of them all together. With no avail, the staff had warned everyone to be patient and eventually her memory could return. When there was no visitors- Riley emotions that she had held in burst.

Riley was due to be discharged, the friends not knowing where was best for her to stay in her state- had come to an undecided decision. The press were still camping outside the palace and Valtoria. If she wasn’t there, the press would automically go to Ramsford as she was an honorary Beaumont. The last option- Drakes cabin.

“She won’t want to go to my cabin. She’s still confused. At times I feel like she doesn’t know what she wants between us. Yes she has been saying ‘love you’ to me, but is that because we’ve all drilled into her confused mind that we were an item? Maybe she’s just saying it because she feels she hasn’t got a choice.”

“When we get to the hospital I’ll talk with her. After all, I’ve been through a lot with her. I flew back to New York with her that time.”

“That is probably a good idea Drake, let Liv try and talk to her.”

Drake nodded silently at Liam and Olivia. He still regretted not being there that night when she was shot. She had already been through enough shit, and he wasn’t there to protect her. And now all the pain she was feeling, not feeling herself - he wished he could take it all away.

The friends all gathered outside the palace- ready to visit Riley. All ready to support her with anything that she needed.

****

Riley impatiently tried to get out of bed on her own. She was due to have physio, but her stubbornness wanted to prove she could do it on her own. Swinging her legs over, she managed to stand up. Taking one step forward she was pleased with herself. Suddenly feeling slightly dizzy, she held onto the bed for dear life. The room was spinning- until two strong arms supported her. Relieved that someone was there for her- she turned around, her jaw become agape.

“What are you doing here?”

The man softly smiled at her- admiring what a beautiful young woman she had grown up to be.

“You are my granddaughter Riley. Of course I’m going to be here. I’m the only family you have left.”

“You Sir, will never be my family. You left my Gran and father. All for what? To become mayor. To mess about. Abandoning your family. I’d like it if you left me alone please, I’m doing just fine.”

“You are still my blood. We all make mistakes Ri. I’m here now, to help. The Queen Mother informed me. Why you would reject a kings proposal is beyond me. You could have been Queen!”

“I’m not power hungry like you are!”

Before Riley’s grandfather could respond her physio turned up- saved by the bell.

The physio held onto her and suggested that her grandfather supported her other side much to Riley’s annoyance. Walking through the corridor, she heard familiar voices in front of them. Her friends exchanged confused faces towards the mystery man- all wondering why he had returned.

“Guys this is my arsehole grandfather. Liam can you please inform Regina to not invite parasites to my bedside in future.”

“Er.... Riley.... we knew he was here. He was here when you was .... you know... asleep.... Drake told him to leave but he wouldn’t. Then he and Regina got talking about how you and Liam should have been married...” Maxwell couldn’t lie to his sister. Knowing that look she provided he knew they were all going to be picked out one by one and buried.

“Great another thing that I dreamt up... I must have overheard that conversation subconsciously. Where’s Drake?”

“I’m so sorry Riley. And he’s just gone to the shop. He will be here soon. Let’s sit you back down.” Olivia said softly, whilst giving Riley’s grandfather dirty looks.

*****

The friends all sat in an awkward silence- they had heard prior about Riley’s relationship with her grandfather. They were all annoyed at the man who could abandon his family. They heard the knock on the door, knowing it was Drake and decided to give them a bit of alone time.

“Hey Brooks.”

“Hey.” She sounded defeated.

“What’s up?”

“Oh you know, I’ve imagined half my life. My grandfather has rocked up. I just wish I didn’t come here in the first place.”

“I knew you’d be pissed seeing him- I told him to leave. But at the time the others didn’t want me to cause trouble whilst you was asleep. I’m so sorry. I’m glad you came- I know I was a jerk about it at first but I was happy to meet someone who finally understood me and loved me back.”

“How could you love me? My life is just one big fuck up. I aborted the heir of this country.”

“How can I not love you. We all love you. I wanted you to keep the baby. I know it wasn’t mine, but between us all it would have been loved. Liam wouldn’t have taken it off you because we were together.” Riley remained silent, as tears formed in her eyes. She hated the woman she had become, she was now unrecognisable.

“I love you Riley, I’m going to look after you. You mean the world to me and I’m not going to let anyone hurt you again.”

*****

The SUV pulled up outside a log cabin. Drakes log cabin. Riley wondered why they were there instead of the palace. Olivia had wanted to be the one to talk about sleeping arrangements with her but she never got the chance to.

“We all agreed, for you to stay here. The press are still stalking the palace and Valtoria. They don’t know about this place. I’ve set your room up.”

Riley nodded and remained silent again. Taking a deep breath as he opened the opened the door, he hoped she would be okay.

“It’s just how I imagined. In my dream we came here- I placed Liam Jr on the couch, you wrapped him up in blankets. You looked after him for me, he called you uncle grumpy. We had sex on the table. Funny really isn’t it.”

Drake held her tight, when she found out she was pregnant he had made a crib in the spare room. He didn’t want to show her as he was unsure what her intentions were regarding the pregnancy.

“Funny? I wouldn’t say that. Erm when you was pregnant I made a crib as a present to you and King Liam. It’s still here. It’ll stay there until someone has a baby- that craftsmanship won’t go to waste. Shit. Sorry I shouldn’t have told you. I just didn’t want you walking in and seeing it without an explanation.”

“Can I see it?”

Drake looked at her confused. He gulped, and led her into the spare room. She ran her fingers along it, admiring all the detail and work he had put into it.

“It’s amazing Drake. You really are talented.”

“Heh... with things like this I am. Your room is next door. I’ll let you get settled in. You’re probably tired.”

“Where are you staying?”

“On the couch.”

“Why? Why not just stay with me?”

“Riley. You need time to adjust. You’ve been in hospital.”

“Please Drake. Stay with me. If we were together I want you with me. I need to feel loved.”

“You are loved beyond words.”

“Take me to bed then.”

Drake crashed his lips on to hers, not wanting to rush things but she was too damn irresistible. She worked at his trousers which were tightening at every touch, he needed to resist her. Seeing the scar from the shot wound he kissed it tenderly, hoping to take any pain away. Falling into the bed, he laid beside her, holding her tight.

“Drake... I want you.”

“I can’t Brooks, no matter how much I love you, I can’t have sex with you.”

“Why the fuck not?”

Shit she’s angry.

“Because, I haven’t got any protection.”

“If you loved me, we wouldn’t need to use it.”

“Riley, NO! I can’t promise that I’d pull out in time- whenever I’m close to you I lose myself in you. And I’m not risking it. Not in your state of mind.”

“Fine. Night.” She rolled over, her body became tense.

“Riley please. Don’t be mad with me.” Trying to hug her, she brushed him away. Turning to face the other way, he was hoping her attitude would become more positive in the morning.

Riley thought back to the first time they had slept together in Vegas. She was sure they didn’t use protection then, but then again they were all intoxicated. Her eyes felt heavy and she eventually fell asleep.

***

Waking up the next morning, Drake wasn’t next to her. Shooting out of bed she wondered if he had left her in a strop. She didn’t want to argue with him. Walking into the kitchen, she saw him stood at the table in just his boxers. Smelling the pancake aroma that was spreading throughout the kitchen - I should have known.

“Morning beautiful.”

She ran upto him catching him off guard, kissing him.

“I’m sorry for last night. I was a bitch.”

“Heh, it’s fine. Here have some proper American food. I went to the shop before- there’s something in the bag.”

Riley opened the bag- condoms. Laughing at how he wanted to please her.

“How about neglecting the breakfast for now Walker?”

*****

Four weeks had gone by. The friends had visited Riley and Drake every so often. Even Riley’s grandfather visited, Riley updated him on her life and he did the same. She didn’t want him to leave without clearing the air. He was her only biological family that was left. Liam had made a statement regarding the attacks at the homecoming ball- the press had finally backed off. And Anton remained behind bars.

Riley had a check up appointment at the hospital. Drake was waiting for her outside, lost in thought.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Nothing. Are you ready?” Drake held her hands contently. He had stuck to his promise about looking after her.

“Of course.” Riley kissed him on the lips, before sitting in the passenger seat.

*****

At the hospital, the doctor checked out Riley’s scar and was pleased with the healing.

“There’s something I would also like to discuss with you before you leave. When you were discharged, we had completed a blood test. After reviewing the results, it showed that you are pregnant Duchess Riley.”

“What?”

“We would like to do a scan. Just to confirm that these results are accurate.”

“I can’t be pregnant. I was shot. I was asleep. I’ve only slept with Drake and he went to the shop to buy condoms. We’ve been careful.”

“Ri... erm...” Drake’s mind finally clicked on, he didn’t know how to tell her? How she would react?

“What Drake?” She snapped, before apologising to the Doctor for her sudden outburst.

“The night you got shot. We snuck off to your room and.... we had unprotected sex... I walked you back to the ballroom, leaving you with Liam and Maxwell. Then I went back to my room to get something...”

[angelsswirl]

Vellichor

The One With The Make Up

Notes: I promise I'm working on wmyh. These Vellichor chapters are just already half way written because of my notes.

Anyway, one more chapter left!

Wrd Cnt: 1k

Rating: M

"It's not a walk in the park to love each other. But when our fingers interlock, can't deny, can't deny, you're the worth it."

Jisoo walked into the house slowly. Almost scared that you would jump out at her and tell her to leave. Instead, she doesn't see anything.

Or rather no one in the front room.

The kids are off doing God knows what. As Jisoo traipsed further into home she realized that you wouldn't jump out at her. You wouldn't do that because you were cuddled deep under the comforter to their bed.

Jisoo can see your face poking out from your desginated hole in the covers. And she sighs so heavily she almost collapes.

You looked tired. Exhausted even. And Jisoo knew it was all because of her. Because she was being stupid and stubborn and...well...her.

She kicked off her shoes and carefully joined you onto the bed, careful not to wake you.

Jisoo blew out a wisp of breath when you subconsciously rolled into her side.

"Don't talk. I just want to sleep." You whispered, and who was she to deny you of that? Especially, considering she didn't know what she was going to say in the first place.

She has to keep a chuckle to herself as you let out a short snore.

You woke up feeling rejuvenated. Better than you had in months, let alone weeks.

You rolled onto your back, only to have something poke you in the middle of your shoulder blades.

Jisoo let out a sound akin to a balloon releasing air.

"Y/N? You're squishing me."

The something between your shoulder blades was Jisoo's nose. You had rolled directly on top of her.

"Sorry. You deserve it though." You rolled off of your wife. Sliding into your original groove on the bed.

"I do, don't I?" It's not a question. They both know the answer.

You nodded despite yourself, "You do. Speaking of, what the flying fuck was that, Jisoo?"

"I'm a hypocrite."

"You're telling me." You mumbled under your breath.

"When I met you, I thought you were out of my league. I still think that actually. I thought you wouldn't want anything to do with me because I was single with a kid. I had already been with someone. I had thought you wouldn't be interested. Most people wouldn't have been at least. And then. You were interested. But there was always this thought in the back of my mind that it was only a matter of time before you came to your senses. Then, when I found out about Chaeyoung, I turned all of that insecurity back onto you. And I'm so sorry. I kept pushing it aside until it blew up, and doing that almost cost me you. I'm sorry. I'm over it. I love you more than I'll ever be able to explain to you in this lifetime."

You sniffed but otherwise didn't say anything for awhile.

"Lia is just like you. Hot-headed. Head strong. Opinionated. Impulsive. That scares me."

"I guess we can only hope she learns from my mistakes."

You grabbed Jisoo's hand softly, "Our mistakes."

"Ryland is just like you so I don't have to worry about her. Peyton....We really need to check if she actually is an alien or not. Something's not-"

You shoved Jisoo lightly and pouted severely, "Don't call my baby an alien."

"Well, then tell your baby to stop acting like an alien!" Jisoo laughed as she deftly avoided your swatting hands.

You rolled your eyes before speaking again, "We need to get Kaleb acclimated at school. Hopefully we can find some that are autism friendly. And because I refuse to believe anyone at face value, we need to find some times to observe their classes."

Jisoo admired, you, her wife for a long moment.

"I love you. I'm so sorry."

You looked over at Jisoo, staring into her eyes for a long moment, "I know you are, baby. Just promise me you won't ever leave me again. 'Cause that hurt more than your words did."

Jisoo cursed herself, "I promise."

"Good." You pulled her into a deep kiss, "Especially, because I was in heat. A big fuck you to Kim Jisoo for that."

Jisoo nipped at your bottom lip, hovering over you, "Oh yeah. You know what that means?"

"I know what it means, but what do you think it means?"

"It means I get to take off my pants!" To further prove her point, Jisoo set about completing the task.

You placed a hand on her chest to stop her.

"What? I can't take off my pants?"

"Oh, you can take off your pants. As long as you put a condom on as soon as they come off."

Jisoo whined, "Whyyyyy?"

"You are not getting me pregnant again.  I'll be damned if I'm 44 with a fucking baby inside of me."

Jisoo pouted, "But you look so good pregnant!"

"I don't care. Either you get a condom or we don't have sex."

Jisoo frowned but dug a condom out of the box in her drawer.

"Your pouting does nothing for me." You huffed out.

Jisoo rolled her eyes. She then placed her hand up against your center, not surprised she was only in a tank top and underwear.

"Then why are you soaking wet?"

"I've been soaked for the better part of two weeks. Don't think too much of it." Not wanting her to ruin the mood further, you grabbed the back of Jisoo's neck and brought her down for a kiss.

"Do you think Irene will be mad at me if I kill her kid?"

"Yes, Jisoo."

"But her kid defiled my baby girl! I can't just let her walk the streets in no fear for her life."

"You can, and you will. Also, would you keep it down. I technically promised Peyton I wouldn't tell you." You said with a finger to your lips. You peered around the corner of the kitchen towards Peyton's room. The door was still shut, so you were probably safe.

"Fine. But if Irene's demon spawn got my demon spawn pregnant with more demon spawn, all bets are off. I mean, did the sex talk mean nothing to them? I did my best to make unprotected sex seem very scary and gross." Jisoo said with a huff.

"Well, I think the fact that I was pregnant with Kaleb at the time probably did well to assuage their fears."

"Dammit."

"You'll do better with Kaleb." You kissed your wife on the cheek placatingly.

Just then, Peyton opened the door with her usual frown of indifference.

She immediately ran towards Jisoo and hugged her, "If you ever leave me and mom again I will find you and rip your vocal chords out." She snuggled deeper into Jisoo's side.

"I'm so scared right now."

"Peyton, what did I say about threatening your mother?"

"To use a less gruesome threat." Peyton only shrugged, then grabbed the breakfast that had been dutifully prepared for her.

"Exactly."

"Oh, mama. By the way, I had sex with Maya."

"Yeah, I know. Y/N told me."

"Mom!"

"Jisoo!"

Jisoo offhandedly noticed that you and her daughter had identical death glares as she slowly backed away from the kitchen island with her hands up in surrender.

It was great to be back home.

[buttsonthebeach]

Ritual

Man, did I love writing this sweet and funny short scene for @princessbatteringram! Thank you so much for commissioning me - Lia and Zevran are a treat to write <3

My Ko-Fi || My Commissions (Slots currently open as of 6/21/19)

Pairing: Lia Tabris x Zevran Arainai

Rating: General

****************************************

Zevran Arainai fought like no one Lia Tabris had ever known in the alienage. He was like a shadow come to life, quick and silent as clouds passing over the sun, always alert to the next weak spot, the next advantage. Even more than that - there was an elegance to the way he moved, pivoting from one stance to the next, rooting himself and striking, and then pivoting away again. His was not a style born purely out of a need for survival. It was an art.

Lia, for all her years of training, all of her mother’s lessons, and everything she had learned since her Joining (since Soris, Vaughn, Nelaros, Shianni), felt awkward beside him at first. Panicked, even, because she had been the soft-hearted fool who had agreed to let him join their party, whatever the others said. And Zevran was not only a consummate assassin but a perceptive one at that (or perhaps both of those skills went hand in hand) so of course he had noticed that his first night at camp, and had offered her physical exertion to get her mind off of things.

“Sure,” she’d said. “After that, how about we spar?”

Zevran had barked out a surprise laugh at her returned innuendo, and risen from his spot by the fire and moved towards her, and that was where their sparring tradition had begun. It had started as way for Lia to reassure herself that she wasn’t a fool, that she was keeping this dangerous assassin for her own purposes and that she was going to stay one step ahead of him and learn how he fought so she could neutralize him if she had to.

Of course, that was not where the sparring tradition had led. It had led to them laughing, exchanging tricks, playfully trying to one-up each other. In the midst of the carnage and chaos of the Blight it was a reprieve, even if they both knew that the skills they were honing today would be the only thing keeping them alive tomorrow.

It had led to this moment, this cool evening, the two of them the only ones on watch, their daggers put aside as they sparred hand to hand. Lia catching the first punch Zevran threw with a forearm block and then quickly twisting her wrist, grabbing his forearm, pulling him off balance, stepping behind him, going to jab at his kidneys with another hand. But he had learned this trick of course and so he let her pull him, followed the momentum, spun out of the way of the second punch, pivoted on his foot and kicked, making light contact with her ribs.

“Damn. It’s cheating to have such long legs you know,” she said, swiping playfully in his direction as he danced out of her reach.

“That’s not what I heard growing up,” he said, bouncing from foot to foot, keep his movements light and easy. She knew from the placement of his feet and from his patterns that next he would use his back leg, a more powerful kick, though of course he would not hurt her, but it would keep his torso out of her reach. But if she could catch him, throw that balance off…

“You grew up in a brothel,” she said, watching, waiting for the dancing to stop, for the moment he would plant one foot and kick with the other. “Was anything considered cheating?”

“No,” Zevran grinned, and that was the moment the weight shifted and he committed to the attack, the moment she darted forward, caught his kicking leg by the knee, and pulled, once again upsetting his balance.

She earned herself a heartfelt whispered brasca for that trick, and she held him there. The difference in their height was to her advantage now. Held as he was by one leg, he could not kick with the other, and since she was shorter, he was struggling to make contact with her. The more cramped space she had defined for their sparring was now to her advantage, not his.

That’s what you’ll always do, her mother told her. You’ll take whatever they throw at you and you’ll turn it to their advantage. I know you will.

Instead of trying to hit him again, Lia decided on a completely different tactic. She tickled the back of his knee where she held it.

Zevran yelped, started hopping, but her grip was like iron, and he couldn’t get away.

“A low trick,” he said.

“See, the thing is, there’s no such thing as cheating in the alienage either,” Lia said, smiling.

“Very well,” Zevran smiled, and then he gave one last bounce and Lia felt the tense of his muscles and he was jumping, bringing up the leg she did not have a grasp on, kicking with that one towards her head. Lia ducked, let go of the leg she’d grappled with, put her guard up. Zevran spun, landed, stood there smiling and cocky and panting, the laces that held his linen shirt falling open and showing the rapid movement of his smooth bare chest beneath.

“Impressive,” she said, her eyes flicking back up to meet his.

“I am,” Zevran agreed. “But between you and me, my dear Warden, I wasn’t sure if that would work. It’s been a long time since I tried such a trick.”

Lia felt her pulse speed up at the endearment. It had sounded false to her when he first joined their party - an overt attempt to win her trust and favor - but she knew now that it wasn’t. The warmth that accompanied the words was real.

But - how real?

“Let’s go again,” she said, wanting him closer.

Zevran closed the distance once again, stood looking down at her. “As my Warden commands.”

Her heart sped again.

What a foolish thing to be doing - circling each other near the fire, ignoring the fact that daylight was entirely gone, that they were exhausted, that they had miles to cover the next day and the day after that, and darkspawn to fight, and treaties to uphold. She should be resting, planning. But Lia did not want to be anywhere else, she realized. This nightly ritual did not exhaust her. She drew strength and courage and renewal from it.

It’s just that it helps me hone my skills, she told herself as they went for another round, Lia leading off this time, getting inside his guard as quickly as she could to erase the advantage of his longer limbs, trying to hit the side of his head with an open palm so that he would raise his arms to block, so she could go low, for the softness of his stomach. Except, of course, it was not soft when she made her light contact there, but warm and firm as he tensed his muscles against the impact. She felt the soft puff of his breath as he did it. They were so very close to one another like this. She went lower still, sweeping for his legs, and he was not quite fast enough, and she toppled him, but he caught himself easily.

“Again! I won’t be fooled next time,” he said, still laughing.

They went on, attack, block, counterattack, longer this time, with less outward silliness, still smiling and laughing nonetheless, and slowly but surely Lia had to admit it to herself.

It’s just that he makes me smile, and I need that.

Zevran went on the aggressive as their sparring continued, quick and perceptive and ever seeking somewhere she could not block, hazel eyes watching her all the while, lips parted with his exertions now.

And this is the only time we get just the two of us.

“Careful, dear Warden.” The attacks stopped and Zevran had his hands on her waist, and she was abruptly aware that her retreating heel had caught on a branch, that she had been inches from falling.

And that was when the thought hit her, clear as the clarion call of a trumpet.

Months before, on her wedding day, she had looked at the stranger named Nelaros and seen his sweetness and thought I could love you. That feeling had been washed away in blood (like dogs, Shianni) and only blood had followed. The price she had to pay for all the adventures she’d wanted so badly as a child.

But now she stood there and she looked at Zevran - the gentle curves of his tattoos framing his cheekbones, the warmth of his golden-brown skin and his hazel eyes, the way his hands held her, like she was precious - and the thought came back to her, louder and clearer than ever before.

I could love you.

“Are you quite well?” Zevran asked, eyebrows knitting together now, seriousness chasing away the playful gleam in his eyes.

Lia straightened, stepped away from the branch that had nearly tripped her, and that only brought her closer to him, which only confused the issue further. She had responsibilities now, a Blight to quell, and who knew what lay at the end of that road, and Zevran was a wanted man, and this was not the time for this thought to be flashing through her mind over and over again, but here they were, and he was not stepping back, he was just letting her get closer, closer, and his hands were still on her waist.

“Of course,” she said, stepping back, over the branch this time.

“Are you certain?” Zevran said, still frowning, following her.

Lia let herself react to her first impulse, which was to sweep his legs again. He was still high in his stance and still focused on her and so it worked. He stumbled and was ready to fall and this time she caught him, steadied him, drew him close to her, and he was laughing, but it was a quieter, more intimate sort of laugh, and Lia knew there was nothing she could do now, no way to run from this. No joke she could tell to play the moment off.

“There’s something here, isn’t there?” She breathed the words out more than she spoke them. Like they were too fragile to truly voice. And maybe they were. She thought, again, of Vaughn, of Nelaros, of Shianni, of all the horror she had witnessed since. Ostagar and beyond. Of the hundred worries that kept her up every night.

Zevran raised one hand from her waist to touch her cheek, his knuckles brushing so lightly against her that it made her skin prickle all over, and he was looking at her the way elders looked to the vhenadahl, the way Chantry sisters looked to their carved images of Andraste. Like she was holy.

Lia fisted her hand in the fabric of his loose shirt, stood on her tiptoes, pulled him close, and kissed him.

Zevran Arainai did not hesitate for a single instant before kissing her back.

His arms went around her and he held her and he slanted his mouth against hers and he kissed her like this was the last time he would ever kiss anyone. Lia fell into it, kissed him back with the same fervor, let her hands roam over the body she had come to know through their sparring, feeling out with tenderness the places she had only felt through playful jabs before. His lean muscle, and all the soft places too, like the hollow of this throat, his cheek, the corner of his mouth.

They parted, panting, but neither of them let the other go far. Zevran’s hands were on her face and hers were on his waist and they stood there, looking at each other, and for that moment the rest of the world fell away.

“That was a yes, by the way,” Zevran said finally.

Lia laughed, tried to push him, but he held caught her wrists and pulled her closer and kissed her again, bending down to her, cradling her head, molding her to him, and he was warm and right and perfect and maybe she hadn’t been an idiot after all, asking him to stay.

“So will it be cheating if I start doing that to distract you while we spar?” Lia asked.

“I don’t know. Shall we find out?”

Their ritual went on, changed now, interrupted by those sweet moments, like pinpricks of starlight in the midst of the darkness of night.

[lovedroughtff]

Chapter 3- Hail Mary

I ain't a killer, but don't push me Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to gettin' pussy Picture paragraphs unloaded, wise words being quoted Peeped the weakness in the rap game and sewed it Bow down, pray to God, hopin' that he's listenin' Seein' niggas comin' for me Through my diamonds, when they glistenin' Now pay attention: bless me please, Father, I'm a ghost In these killing fields, hail Mary, catch me if I go Let's go deep inside the solitary mind of a madman Screams in the dark, evil lurks, enemies see me flee Activate my hate, let it break to the flame Set trip, empty out my clip, never stop to aim Some say the game is all corrupt and fucked in this shit Stuck, niggas is lucky if we bust out this shit Plus, mama told me never stop until I bust a nut Fuck the world if they can't adjust, it's just as well, hail Mary Come with me! Hail Mary, nigga, run quick, see What do we have here now? Do you wanna ride or die? La la-la-la la la la la 

7 years ago

Julian

“Baby? What are you doing today?” Sienna asked, I looked up from my phone to see my beautiful pregnant Fiancee standing in our kitchen. She wasn’t showing too much, but she was glowing and I couldn’t be happier.

“Nothing much, I have to go talk to Mom and Jilly, and I’m going to meet Logan near Edgewater.”

She looked extremely happy at the fact that I was doing something she had been begging me to do for years. She threw her arms around me and kissed my lips.

“Thank you! I don’t like it when my best friend and future hubby fight.” She pouted.

 I chuckled at her cuteness and rubbed her belly.  

“What are you doing today future wifey and baby?”   

She threw her hair over her shoulder, “Well, we are going to introduce baby to all of my siblings today and they probably take me shopping because that’s all we do.”

“So, you’re telling me that you need my black card.”  

She just smiled sweetly and shrugged, “Whatever you want to give me, I’ll gladly accept.”

“Mhm, spoiled ass.” I said pulling out my wallet to hand her my card, “Have you thought of any names?”

She gladly accepted the card and nodded, “Mhm, even though you don’t want the baby to be named after you if we have a boy. I still like the name Julian.”

I shook my head, “I like the name Isaiah or Noah. Any girl names?”

“Brielle or Bridget.”

“No V’s?” I was shocked, all of her siblings first names started with a V like their Mom’s.

“Nah, it’s only so many V’s out there that sound good, and I just want something different.”

I sighed, I know that Sie and her mom haven’t been on good terms for a long time, but she always is gonna need her mom.

“Sie- “ She put her hand up stopping me from talking

“Ju I know you want to come from a good place, but you haven’t been me. I love my mom, but she’s treated me like I’ve been a burden my whole life. She loves Kristen because she loves Kristen’s dad. She loves Rocky,Ari and Bash because she loves Baba. She hates my father, so she treats me like crap. We just don’t have the best relationship and I would just rather not force anything.” She mumbled.

I know talking about her mom is always something she would rather not do, but in order for her to be fine and have our baby, she needs her mother. But I let it go and changed the subject.

“I love you, Sienna, no matter what happens.”

“I love you too JuJu.” She smiled calling me, the nickname that I hated.

~~~~

I pulled up to Avondale, and I wasn’t too excited to do this. I knew for a fact that this would hurt Sienna, but I had business to take care of. I told her I was going to meet Logan, but fuck that nigga.

Why would I want to be friends with someone who has been in love with my girlfriend, since before I met Sienna, and the simple part that he is also someone I do business with is just plain, annoying. That’s why we always get into fights over Sienna, he wants me to tell her what we actually do and to leave her alone, but I refuse to let him have her.

I knocked on the apartment door and she answered. “What took you so long J.” She removed herself from the door and waddles over to the couch.

“I had to deal with Sienna.” I said coming into the shitty apartment that she lived in.

She rolled her eyes, “Does wifey know I’m pregnant with your twins?” She smirked.

I eyed her, because she knew that Sienna was not someone I played with. “Kennedy, what happened the last time you brought up Sienna.”

She stayed quiet and rolled her eyes, “You need to tell her Julian, and be with me.”

“Why would I want to be with a hoodrat? When I have the most perfect woman to come home to already.”

“Then why the fuck do you fuck me?! She must be shitty  and got some shitty ass pussy because you come over here enough to get me pregnant with your kids!” She stood up getting mad.

I stood up as well, she knew better. But apparently she doesn’t know her fucking place. I grabbed her neck with my hands and started to choke her, making her drop to her knees.

“I don’t care if you are having my kids. Once you drop them, I’ll kill you and have Sienna raise them. Do you understand?”

With her bright red face, she shook her head and I let go of her neck, and she started coughing.

“Since, you’re down there, you know what to do.” I spoke to her.

I could hear her sniffling, but I didn’t care if she was crying,  she unzipped my pants and pulled out my dick to put her mouth around it.

She knows her place and If I have to remind her, then I will.

 Dahlia

I was sitting in the bed, playing on my phone. Ashton was around here somewhere taking care of me in my time of need and Cash went to go get my medicine.

I was having a baby, but I couldn’t handle the pressure of being a mom at the age of 17 and a senior in high school. All I could hear was my father and mother yelling at me, ever since I told them I was pregnant by Ash.

“Dahlia Yasmin Ilena Torres, we have raised you better than this. Why did you get pregnant by a gringo?!” My father complained.

My mother wouldn’t talk to me for weeks, they even threatened to kick me out, if I didn’t have an abortion. So, I did, and I told Ashton that I had a miscarriage. But now he’s smothering me, and I can’t take it, it’s literally too much.

“Baby? How are you feeling?” Ash said coming into my bedroom

I smiled, “I’m fine, Ash you can go home. Mom and dad will be back soon, and I know that y’all don’t get along.”

He nodded, “Yeah, you’re parents don’t really fuck with a nigga huh?”

I shook my head, “I don’t want any unnecessary drama. I just want to chill and get better, you know.”

~~~

Ashton had left 3 hours ago, and I was in the room with my little sister Isabella

“So are you going to tell him that you got an abortion?” Izzie asked.

“Hell naw, why would I do that?” I scrunched up my face.

“Because it was his baby?”

“Was it his baby?” I countered.

“Dahlia!!!” Isabella whined.

“What?”

“You know Ashton loves you, way too much. Plus, I thought you were done cheating on him after the 1st time he took you back.”

“I mean, I like having both men in my life, but I love Ashton more,  but Nate  is more exciting and fun to be around, he’s 21!” I bragged. But before I could finish, my door busted open and Cash was standing there pissed as fuck.

I mumbled a shit, “Cash, it’s not what you think.”

“So, you didn’t cheat on my brother and abort his baby?”

I stayed quiet,  

“So, it’s exactly what I think. Are you fucking kidding me Dahlia! I introduced him to you, when you damn near begged me when we were 14! You had the biggest crush on him, remember!!!”

“Cash-“

“No, there is no explaining this to me Lia. You’re my best friend. He’s my brother. You cheated and lied constantly to the both of us. You’re disgusting!”

She went to turn around, and I hopped of the bed, grabbing her arm.

“Autumn, please don’t tell him, okay? It’s not your business.”

She snatched away from me, and looked at me like I was crazy.

“He’s my fucking brother! Of course I’m telling him.”

I grabbed her again, “Dahlia, get your fucking hands off me.”

“YOU CAN’T TELL HIM AUTUMN! PLEASE!”

I was trying to get her to listen, but once Autumn Cashmere Scott makes up her mind, nothing can change it.

She jumped in my face, “WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU TALKING TOO WITH ALL THAT BASS IN YOUR VOICE.”

“IT AIN YOUR BUSINESS CASH, STAY OUT OF IT!” I yelled back

By this time Izzie and my mom was trying to pull us apart from one another,

“FUCK THAT! I’M TELLING HIM THAT YOU’RE A DIRTY BITCH AND THAT YOU KILLED HIS BABY.”

Once I heard the word bitch, I swung at her, and we instantly started fighting, we tumbled down the stairs.

I couldn’t really get the upper hand on her, so Cash was whooping my ass, until my dad pulled us apart.

I was breathing heavy as hell and so was Cash, you could tell she was livid.

“Don’t you ever in your life, come around my brother or me again. Next time, bitch, I will take out my daddy’s shotgun and shoot your stupid ass before you make it up the street. Fucking try me Dahlia. I’m done with you.”

“GET THE FUCK OUT MY HOUSE!” I yelled pointing to the door.

She threw my shit out of her purse on the floor, crushing it, before leaving out of the door, she turned around, “FUCK YOU!” and left slamming the door

Ashton

I was at home chilling with Austin, when Dad called me, saying that Cash was hysterical and she was crying at home, so I rushed over  with him to see what was wrong with my sister.

As soon as I got through the door, I could hear her screaming and crying, and tearing shit up in her room.

“What’s wrong with her?” I asked Pops

He shrugged, “Teenage girls, She came in the house screaming about Dahlia and went in her room, tearing things up.”

Dahlia? I know Cash and Lia are best friends, and they had to have had a falling out of she was acting like this, but what the hell was that damn bad.

Austin stayed downstairs with pops and I ran up the staris, 2 by 2 until I reached the top, walking to Cash’s room.

“Cash, what the hell.”

I looked around her room and it looked like a tornado hit it.

“I’m done with that bitch! Fuck her!” She yelled pointing in my face

“What happened?” I looked and saw all the pictures that had Dahlia in them torn to shreds, all the gifts and clothes they shared over the years of being friends, torn, ripped and thrown all over the place.

“That bitch put her hands on me, but I showed her that I’m nothing to play with and whooped her Mexican ass. She’s crazy. Stop fucking with her Jasper. I mean that shit.”

She never calls me my middle name, no one did except Mom, so I knew she was dead ass serious, but I still didn’t know what happened.

“Dahlia is on rest from miscarrying the baby. She shouldn’t have been out of the bed and y’all shouldn’t have fought!”

She rolled her eyes and put her hair in a ponytail. “She Ain miscarry no damn baby, Jasper. Leave her the fuck alone.”

“What are you trying to say? I can’t leave her alone.”

“And why the fuck not?” She crossed her arms.

“How about, she just miscarried my baby, and I love her, when she turns 18 next week, I’m going to propose.”

I pulled the ring out of my pocket, I wanted Cash to see it, and I wanted to prove to everyone that Dahlia isn’t a phase to me, I love her and she’s my forever. Yes, I’m 19, but she’s only a year and some months younger than me. But I want to provide and be there for her like our dad was with our mom.

Cash took the ring box out of my hand and instantly sighed, before screaming “SHE’S CHEATING ON YOU ASHTON!”

~~~~~~~

I was at the hospital, cause Dahlia called me crying, but the conversation that Cash and I had, kept playing in my head.

Cash really fucked up D, cause Dahlia had a broken nose, a black eye and a few bruised ribs with some out of socket fingers.

She was going on and on about how Cash was disrespectful and Cash punched her first which started the fight, which doesn’t sound like the fight that Cash described to me. And doesn’t sound anything like my sister. But she kept on crying and telling me that I need to cut off my sister. 

 I was listening to everything she was saying, but the question if she was cheating again, was stuck in the back of my head. 

“I can’t believe she would do that to me, I thought we were best friends.” She whispered playing with the tattoo on my chest. I was laying in the hospital bed with her and we were cuddling.

“So, you’re not cheating on me again?” I asked her, she instantly froze up against my body. I sat up and looked at her face, I needed to know if she was lying.

“You freezing says a lot D.”

“I didn’t freeze Ashton, your question caught me off guard, I told you that I wouldn’t do that to you again.” She spoke calmly.

“So, why did you get into a fight with my sister? Because the story you’re telling me isn’t lining up with what Cash said. And Cash is anything but a liar.”

“You’re going to believe your sister over me?” She asked with fake hurt. It was pissing me off

“Yasmin, you really testing my patience. I can read you like a fucking book. TELL ME THE TRUTH! ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME WITH THAT NIGGA AGAIN.”

She started crying and I could literally hear my heart break for the 2nd time by this girl. I was done, I got out the bed and put my shoes on. If I didnt leave, I would be getting arrested.

“Baby, I’m sorry.” She cried to me, she touched my shoulders and I shook her off, causing her to wince out in pain from her fight with Cash. 

“You said that the last time Dahlia.” I stood up and turned around, and asked the one question, i knew I was going to regret.

“Was it even my baby?” I asked  

She shook her head no, I chuckled, but I could hear my voice cracking, “So you were gonna let me raise a kid that wasn’t even mine.”

“I didn’t want to lose you Ashton. I love you.” She grabbed my hand, trying to make me see her side, but I took my hand away from her.

“Fuck you, Dahlia.”

Logan

I was pissed as fuck because Julian was late again. I was here with our distributor and he was getting antsy without Julian being here.

He pointed to his watch, signifying the time and shrugged his shoulders.

“He’ll be here. I promise.” I spoke, I motioned for some of the boys to wait with the distributor while I called julian.

I instantly got his voicemail; “Nigga, where the hell you at!! The cartel is here and we waiting on your ass. Get here now!”

I hung up the phone and went back into the warehouse, before I could even open my mouth, Julian bursts through the door.

“Sorry I’m late, but before we get started could I speak to you Logan?”

We exited the room, “Nigga what the fuck, we can’t be here all fucking night.”

“My bad, my phone died, I had to deal with Kennedy and my mom, a lot of shit has been going on.”

“Put all that shit aside, and let’s get this money.”

~~~~

As we were talking with the head of the Torres Cartel and our boys were counting the coke, and money. A commotion rung about,

“What the hell,” Julian said, getting up with me right behind him.

On high alert, we entered the room, to see our boys in the faces of the cartel.

“What’s going on here.” I asked

“Boss, this isn’t the cocaine we ordered, this is the fake shit that’s been going around.” He said never leaving the face of the cartel member.

Julio, The lead of the cartel spoke up, “Check again son, my cocaine is the purest form.”

“I checked, 4 times. It’s pure shit.”

If we didn’t get control of this situation and fast, it was going to be deadly. Before anything or anyone else said anything, Julian went over to try the coke, the way he looked, I knew he believed our guy.

“Logan,” I walked over to try it, and they were both right. This tasted like regular baking soda.

“What is the meaning of all of this.”  Julio, was calm and put his hands up in the air, very nonchalantly.

“Are you trying to skimp us? We pay you every 6 months for the best drugs and here we are with baking soda.” Julian said, throwing it to the ground in front of the cartel.

“Julian, Logan. There is a misunderstanding.” He simply said.

“No misunderstanding Julio. My boy is the best taster besides myself and Logan. We all think it’s shit. So, we will take back our money and find a new distributor. Because I don’t like messy business.”

My eyes grew big, with the amount of product we put on the streets, no one really had the supply except Torres. Either Julian is bluffing or I don’t know but I got a feeling this isn’t ending well.

“You’ve tasted it. That is not how we do things.” Julio spoke, a little too calmly for my liking.

“So you want me to take 5 million dollars worth of baking soda and do what with it?” Julian asked.

“I don’t give a fuck, but once the money is in our possession, it isn’t our issue anymore.” Julio laughed, I knew that pissed Julian off, but he just simply smiled.

Before I could even do anything, I heard, “Julian! Duck!!”

He ducked down in time for one of the Torres cartel, to hit and kill one of their own. They were trying to set us up and we weren’t about to have that shit.

Shots rang out and we instantly pulled our guns out of our waist shooting at the Torres Cartel,  Julian and I separated to cover the most ground making sure that none of us were hurt.

I was pissed, all I wanted to do was stay at home, but here I am. In this mess.

Julian was on the other side, fighting some of the lower level in the cartel and I was making sure our boys were good. Next thing I know, I hear loud ass shots basically in my ear, I turn around and see Julian on the ground, going unconscious.

I run over to him, seeing he’s been hit 5 times, and tried to stop the bleeding. I got some of the guys to help me, but we need to get him to the hospital. NOW!  

I made sure that it was safe, and I ran off to get the disposable truck. Hoping in and grabbing the keys from the armrest, I started the car, putting it into gear and sped to the part of the warehouse he was in. By the time I got back, the cartel was gone. I rolled down the window and yelled,

“Shit!! Load him in the car!” I screamed at the boys. They grabbed a hurt Julian and loaded him in the car as I drove off.

“KEEP HIS ASS AWAKE!!”

I was speeding like crazy, praying that no cops were out tonight.  

“Logan! He’s fading out!” One of them yelled.

“I SAID KEEP HIS ASS AWAKE!!!!” I yelled weaving through traffic.

“Sienna, please don’t tell Sienna.” He mumbled.

“Don’t worry about Sienna! Stay awake Julian!”

I finally got across town and near enough to the hospital to drop him off, we couldn’t take him, it was against protocol.

We got him out of the truck and carefully sat him down on the ground. One of the boys shot 5 shots in the air, with the gun that shot Julian, and the other called the police and threw the phone into the lake.

Before I could leave, Julian grabbed my hand, looking at me, “No Matter what happens, Sienna doesn’t know a thing, Please Logan. Protect her.”

“I wont need to, because you’ll be there to protect them both.” I said back

“Boss man we gotta go!” One of the boys yelled, I nodded and let him go,  

Jumping back into the car, racing to the warehouse, we made sure everything was destroyed, including our clothes, and the car we took him in. One of the boys had to take Julian’s car near the sight were we dropped him off, the police will be looking for it soon enough, and it cant be here.

By the time, I got home and settled down, Sienna called me crying. Julian had died.

“Fuck!” I called out. Looks like I’m in charge of the business, and that is something I didn’t want to be doing.

Sienna

My sisters were cooing over my stomach and rubbing, as I just told them that I was pregnant. Even though, I’m only 19 right now (turning 20 next month), I couldn’t wait to have this baby. Julian and I decided to keep the pregnancy a secret, especially since once we told our parents we knew shit would hit the fan. But also, to make sure that nothing happened to the baby.

I was four months pregnant today, and barely showing, and glad for it.  

“Does Mama and Baba know?” Kristen asked,

I nodded, “Baba nearly put JuJu through the wall in the kitchen. I had to stop him from hurting him.” Chuckling at the thought.

“Of course he would, you know Baba doesn’t play about us.” Rocky laughed.

We were all light hearted and cracking jokes and making up baby names for my and Julian’s child, when his younger sister called me. I picked it up still laughing with my sisters.

“Hey Jilly-“ I paused and sat up once I heard her crying.

“Sienna, you gotta get to St. Mary’s Now!” She sobbed.

“What’s the matter Jilly?”

My sisters were now concerned at the nervousness in my face and how my body stiffened while being on the phone.

“He was shot Sienna! You gotta get here now!”

“W-who was shot?”

I started trembling at the thought, that I knew exactly who she was talking about.

I didn’t even hear her when she said Julian’s name, I just dropped the phone with tears running down my face.

 “I got to go, Julian was shot!” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I broke down.

“Sienna, you cant drive like this!” Kristen yelled.

“I have to go.” I grabbed my stuff, but my hands were trembling so bad, I kept dropping everything.

“Were driving you, Sienna.” Rocky took my stuff and Ari and Kris grabbed my hands leading me to the car.

By the time, I got to the hospital, he was gone, I walked up to his sister.

“Jilly, what happened!”

“Sienna, I-I dont know. Mother is his emergency contact and she called me. They found him near Lincoln.”

“Lincoln, he said he was going to Edgewood?” I told her

“I need to see him.” I said

Jilly grabbed my hand, “ I don’t think that’s a good idea Sienna. Mother is back there with the doctors. Making arrangements.”

“I should be making arrangements, we’re engaged. I want to be apart of this ” I told her.

Another secret we kept from the entire family, we just wanted to live our lives and be happy. I didn’t want anyone ruining my pregnancy or engagement, so we shut up about it.

“Sienna, it’s not a good idea.”

“What room is he in.”

She saw my face and knew I was serious “237.”

As soon as I heard the number, I ran to the room as fast as my feet could allow me.

I reached his room and I saw his body covered up and blood was all over him. I instantly started crying.

I walked in and touched his hand. “Ju what were you doing in Lincoln. Why-why couldn’t you just stay home when I called you earlier?”

I was balling when I heard his mother’s voice, “Sienna,let him go.”

I turned and saw his mother, the police and a pregnant girl.

“Ms. Pearson,”

“Sienna, you need to leave and let my son go.” I knew the witch didnt like me, but she knew how much I love him and he loves me. I was shocked at her reaction, I was the only one crying. She was stoned.

“He’s my fiancée, the father of my child. I’m not leaving.”

“He’s not your Fiancee, he’s mine” The pregnant girl spoke up.

I sat up, from Julian’s body and looked at the both of them, “Who the hell are you?”

“Kennedy, the mother of Julian’s sons. I would appreciate if you got off him” She put her hand on her belly, and I saw the ring.

“Youre lying, Julian wouldn’t cheat on me, and he wouldn’t have you saying your the fiancee when I am.” I pulled out my necklace, which also had my engagement ring on it to show them.

His mother motioned for the police officer to get me and I stepped back.

“Ma’am, the immediate family has asked you to leave. Either you leave willingly or I am going to have to force you our of here.”

I never fought so hard in my life.

~~~~

By this time, I was at Logan’s house with Phoenix and I was crying on her lap. I had been here for the past 6 hours and it was now 2 am. I couldn’t wrap my head around what just happened and how it happened.

“He said he was coming to meet you Logan, did you see him today?” I cried, looking up from Phoe’s lap.

He shook his head, “You know we don’t get along Si, why would I meet him?”

I wiped my tears, only for new ones to form, “I have no idea what’s going on. He has another baby mother, his mother kicking me out. She isn’t going to let me be apart of the funeral. I just- what is happening!!” I cried out.

“Vivienne. I understand you’re sad, and you don’t know what to do. But you have to worry about the baby in your stomach. You need to calm down before anything happens.” Phoenix said rubbing my hair out of my face.

“Phoenix-“

“I know honey, I know it sucks, but you need to now figure out your next move and what you’re going to do. So, what is the next thing you want? You want to go back to the apartment, stay here, come to mine, go to your mom’s?” 

I shook my head, “Can I stay here and you stay here. It’s late.” 

“Logan?” Phoenix asked him 

“Yeah, yall can have my room, I’ll sleep on the couch.” He mumbled 

 “Okay, that’s figured out, what next?” She asked again

“I want to go to his funeral.”

She nodded, “Okay, I’ll find out what when it is, and we’ll go together.”  

I mumbled an okay, and laid my head back down in her lap

“i- I just want him back. We were fine this morning.” I sniffled and started crying again.

“I know sweetie, I know.”  

I noticed that Logan would barely look at me, and his phone was blowing up, more than normal. He just kept his head in his hands and wouldn’t say anything.  

I cried myself to sleep that night, cuddling my best friend.