#and James opens up about how he always feels like the black sheep of the family

[sunwayholm]

I know it's only been two hours since I last posted a drawing, but I was procrastinating my math homework so here's more :)

[imaslutforremusandsirius]

Tease

Wanted to try a male reader for once and i really enjoyed writing this :) One of my favs dare I say. Have fun!

Warning: 18+

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„You said you didn‘t want it!“ Sirius exclaimed, throwing his hands up in defense when you threw the empty chocolate pack at him.

„I was being polite!“ You protested, „Posh boys like you should know that!“

Sirius‘ eyes narrowed and he threw the pack at your head this time. „I am not a posh boy, fucker. You better fucking kiss my feet or I will-“

You tackled him with a cry, hitting his face repeatedly with a pillow. Your body jerked on top of his rhythmically, which either meant that he was laughing or chocking to death. And you really hoped it be the latter.

„Don‘t you fucking dare asshole! You promised not to bring it up!“

His next words came out muffled from underneath the soft fabric, which began to feel not so soft, considering that you were pressing pretty hard. Sirius started to panic and yelled out a „Help! Help! I‘m dying!“

You felt strong arms wrap around your stomach and drag you away from your murder mission.

„Let me go! He needs to die!“

James was laughing so hard at Sirius‘ horrified face that even he had trouble keeping you at bay.

„This is bullying! I‘ll tell Minnie! You fucking lutanic!“

„Minnie doesn‘t care about your sob story, she would be delighted to find out I killed you before she could with all of your missing homework!“

Sirius barreled towards you with a battle cry, but James threw you to the side, effectively blocking the tackle with his body. Sirius must have aimed to hurt you a little, because James fell down with an painfully loud thud.

„Bloody hell, Pads. That bloody hurt.“ James groaned, rubbing his ribs soothingly.

Sirius scrambled up and helped his friend off the ground, throwing you a dark look. You sneered at him, sitting down on the bed farthest away. James grinned at his friend, mouth opening to make fun of him.

„How could he hold you down like that? He‘s smaller than you!“

Sirius huffed, blushing a little with embarrassment and he turned away, presumably to hide his red cheeks. „He had an advantage. I was being strangled, mind you.“

„Strangled my ass“ you said under your breath and crossed your arms petulantly. „He made fun of me. Again!“

James raised a brow in amusement, eyes flickering towards you and you groaned when you saw his expression. Here we go.

„Is it about a certain wolf?“

Sirius turned around so fast you heard his ankles crack and moved to stand next to his friend, delighted to have him at his side and chuckled. Your scowl darkened and you got up, trying to push though your friends to leave.

„Fuck off, both of you. I‘m leaving.“

Sirius stopped laughing and raised his hands in defeat. „Oh come on, don‘t be ridiculous, we‘re only taking a piss mate.“

Your mouth fell open to hurl more curses at him when you saw Remus appear behind the two boys and clamped your mouth shut again. Fuck, was your hair alright? You secretly smoothed it over, glaring at James when he wiggled his brows suggestively.

„Alright, everyone?“ Remus asked, voice exhausted and he fell down next to you on the bed, sighing with relief when his aching joints didn‘t have to carry his weight anymore. The moon was taking a toll on him.

„Are you alright?“ Your voice came out worried and you stroked through his messy curls. Remus only let out a tired „Mhm“ as he sank down further into the mattress, pressing into your hand.

„Is it the moon?“

„Mhm.“

„Are you hurting already?“

Sirius chimed in from his bed. „I think it‘s safe to say that the old man is always hurting.“

You glared at him. „Shut up, Black. No one asked you.“

Sirius huffed and turned his back towards you with a dramatic toss of his dark hair, pulling his curtains closed.

This time James spoke up, peaking his head from the corner of the bathroom door. Some of his toothpaste spilled over when he opened his mouth and you grimaced at the disgusting sight. James and Sirius seemed to share one braincell. A part-time braincell, that was clearly rusty at this point from being so rarely used.

„Need anything?“

Remus jerked, clearing jostled awake from his little slumber and groaned in annoyance. „Peace and quiet. Oh wait, that‘s death.“

You couldn‘t help the snort that escaped you at his deadpanned tone and whacked him on the head. Remus cracked an eye open and smiled at your amusement. You schooled your expression and held your hand up in a mock salute.

„No one is dying. And if, then we‘ll do it together.“

There was a series of Amen‘s and you nodded in satisfaction, like a general who never liked being told no. Already dressed in your pajamas, or actually only your pajama pants, you crawled into your own bed, across from Remus‘. You wished that Remus would have clasped your wrist and made you stay, he did that sometimes, but alas it was just a wish. You had it bad for the boy, fingers still tingling with the feel of his hair. You thought about what it would be like to kiss him, to touch his scars and feel his breath on your face when you slept.

You huffed frustratedly when your brain forced stupid scenarios into your mind. Fuck, were they nice ones at that.

No, he isn‘t gay, brain! Fucking stop with the mental images!

Your brain decided to one up itself and showed you a very suggestive image of Remus on his knees, sucking your dick with such contentment it made your breath hitch.

Fuck.

Or Remus on his hands and knees, every little detail of his body on display, making such lovely keening noises you thought you had died for sure.

Oh fuck.

You opened you eyes instantly to stop the dirty thoughts of your best mate, mind you, and tried to calm your breathing. Apparently, meditation is a hoax, because no matter how many sheeps you counted or deep breaths you took, your brain was still convinced that Remus sucking you off was the hottest thing ever. And it is the hottest thing ever, you agreed. So did your raging boner.

Only this once.

Against your better judgement your hand trailed down your chest towards your pants, slipping under the waistband of your underwear. Your hand wrapped around your hard cock and imagined Remus on top of you, kissing your lips feverishly. Groaning and moaning into your mouth, telling you how good you feel around him. Telling you how long he had waited for this moment. Biting your lip you moved faster, stifling your groans when your palm spread your precum over the sensitive tip. You were so close, head thrown back in pleasure, fuck so close so clo-

„Shit sorry!“

Somehow you managed to pick up a shocked gasp through your trance and your eyes opened wide, jerking violently. And here he was, the source of your inescapable desire. Remus fucking Lupin. Who just caught you wanking. Your brain has meanwhile decided to pack its suitcase and piss off, because suddenly you couldn't produce a single clear sentence. It felt like being a baby all over again, not knowing how to use your voice or twists your tongue to get the right words out. Not that there was anything to say, you couldn’t just pretend like you weren’t touching yourself.So, you just stare at him like a moron, your hand still in your fucking pants. Slowly but surely you felt your face heat up and you didn't even dare to breathe loudly, too scared to scare Remus away.

His eyes were fixed on your hand, teeth biting his lip. Not knowing what to do, he apparently decided to just stand there. The curtains of your bed were gripped tightly in his fist, as if it were the only thing that kept him steady at the moment. The both of you stared at each other for a good minute, digesting the embarrassment of the situation until Remus climbed into your bed.

Wait. 

Alarm bells rang shrill in your head, the nerve cells in your skull burst into panic. 

Remus in your bed. 

Crawling between your legs. 

Your hand still in your pants. 

What.

„Let me help?“ Remus‘ voice was raspy, slightly scared that you‘ll reject him. He was seated between your knees now, wringing his scarred hands nervously. It took you a few seconds to register what he had said as you blinked at him in mortification. 

Remus hung his head, nodding to himself as if he had known that this would happen and moved away. Fuck, no come back. Brain! Say something!

Your brain was still hyperventilating however, so your legs decided to give you a hand, definitly under the order of your hard cock, which was already throbbing with excitement. You snap your legs shut, trapping Remus’ upper body between your thighs and pulled him on top of you. Not expecting the move, Remus fell forward and his lips smashed on yours.

Oh wow.

This was better than you expected. This exeeds all 638 fantasies you ever had of this moment. This was real.

You kissed for a while, both of you falling into each others arms to feel as close as possible, grinding your cocks on each other like horny teens. Which you were, to be precise. You moved your head to the side to break the kiss, grinning at Remus’ lust hazy expression and bucked your hips up again.

“I’ll have that help now, if you’re still offering...” You whispered, basking in the boyish grin of the wolf.

Moving to wipe your hand on your bedsheet to finally touch him, Remus caught your hand and brought it to his mouth. You whined quietly when you felt his tongue tickle your palm. Remus mmm‘d softly, a devilish glint twinkling in his bright eyes.

Lifting your hips, Remus pulled down your pants and you propped yourself up on your elbows to watch. Nothing in the world could keep your from branding the sight of Remus licking your cock into the depths of your mind. 

Remus leaned in, mouthing at the skin of your stomach, inching closer to your weeping tip. He took his time, breathing your scent in deeply, his eyes closed.

„Come on Moony“ you urged, lifting your hips. Remus held you down, smirking up at you teasingly.

„Either you let me go in my own pace or you can suck it yourself.“

You immediately stilled and made a motion of locking your lips with an imaginary key. Remus chuckled soundlessly and you nearly, nearly, bucked your hips up again. His mouth was so hot and wet and god it was really Remus sucking your cock. The thought alone made you shudder and writhe under him, your hands burried in his curls. Remus may not know much about blowjobs, but he made up for it with his enthusiasm. His moan was just filthy, the way he looked at you through his eyelashes as if he just wanted to devour you, to break you into pieces.

“Oh Remus” you groaned into your fist, knuckles white from gripping his hair so tightly, “Wait ah fuck please wait!”

Remus rolled his eyes and pulled away, raising his brow at you. His facial expression was something akin to “How dare you interrupt me?” 

You took deep breaths to hold yourself from cumming when he smeared the tip of your cock against his glistening lips, coating himself in your cum while he glared at you. This boy is sin.

“Wanna cum with you” you explained breathlessly, pulling him up to smash your lips on his. Remus groaned low in his throat when you sucked his lips, moving to straddle your lap. The rough fabric of his pants made you snort contemptuously and you tugged at the waistband, mumbling an annoyed “Off.”

Remus seemed to agree, with the way he nearly ripped the zipper clean off and finally he was naked. Not fully, but you let him be, knowing he’d be insecure about his scars. You’ll work on that next time. Next time.

Remus placed his hands on his thighs, letting you admire his body. His confidence shot up by the way your breathing got heavier and your cock twitched under his. Every millimeter of your skin is touching, both of you slowly rocking your cocks against the other. Your cum mixed and made it easier to move and you took them in your hands, a huge breath escaping your lips with the sudden rush of electricity. Remus quickly casted a silencing charm and gave into the pleasure, setting a fast pace by thrusting his cock in your fist.

“Fuck you feel so good” Remus groaned and squeezed your wrists, “I’ve wanted this for so long”

You nearly laughed by how ridiculously acurate your fantasies had been and gripped harder, crying out when Remus leaned down to bite your shoulder hard, leaving imprints of his teeth on your flesh.

“’M’not gonna la- oh Moony fuck” You were lost in your pleasure, already sensitive with your denied orgasm from before. Remus slapped your hand away and spit on your cocks, taking them in his hands this time. His pace was aggressive and impatient, hand unyielding and he rocked his hips as fast as he could. 

“Want you to cum on my cock” Remus grunted, his other hand gripping your jaw to look into your eyes. His pupils were blown out, as if he was on a high. You felt him pulse against you, his eyes screwd shut and he came with a loud cry, making you tip over the edge as well. His hand kept going, thighs holding you down when you tried to squirm away. 

Bringing his cum covered hand to his mouth, Remus gave it a tentative lick, eyes fluttering shut when his tongue wrapped around his fingers. You watched him hum around his hand and he gave you a satisfied smile, totally in bliss with your little session.

“This was fucking hot” Remus grinned and fell down next to you, blinking at you tiredly.

You bit your lip and mustered up enough courage to squeak out a “So you’re gay?” 

Remus gave you a flat look. “I came on your cock didn’t I?”

You cleared your throat and laughed quietly. “Yeah. Yeah you did.” Your voice came out dreamy and you threw your leg over his middle.

And just like that you surrendered to your exhaustion, while Sirius and James were hysterical with exicetment. Their shared braincell was activated and currently made it its mission to come up with ways to catch you next time. Embarassing you was their thing after all.

[moonysmagic]

Piano Man

(Sirius can definitely play piano!! my headcanon)

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It was late at night, maybe around 2 am and Remus had been struggling to fall asleep for hours now. He had tried everything, reading, listening to music, counting sheep, and for merlin’s sake he just couldn’t do it. He was stuck in limbo. He was exhausted, didn’t want to move a finger, but he just couldn’t fall asleep. 

Typically on nights like these he would crawl into bed with Sirius and hold him until their heartbeats and steady breaths matched each other’s. Not that they were together. He and Sirius just had the same type of nightmares so when one of them woke up with a yell, shaking from the memories they had just relieved in their minds, the other was always there to help. Remus had gotten used to the comfort of falling asleep with Sirius in his arms. Sirius however, never came up to the dorm after supper. Originally, Remus thought that he had just had some extra homework he needed to finish before the next day, or he had a late night detention (wouldn’t be surprised). But its 2 am now and there isn’t a reason Remus can think of to not be in bed. Specifically in his bed.

After a couple more minutes annoyance and curiosity took over. He was going to go look for Sirius. His body reluctantly moved to get up. He could feel his joints pop as he uprighted himself. He looked around the dorm verifying that he didn’t wake Peter and James. Quietly he walked across the room towards James’s bedside table with the invisibility cloak and marauders map hidden the the bottom compartment. He quicked nudged James slightly waking him to ask if he could take it. James half mutter an “go ahead” before he turns around and falls quickly back asleep. Remus, content with the approval, takes it. He opens the map glancing over it to find Sirius’s name. 

“The Room of Requirement?” Remus quietly mutters to himself. Now he was really curious. Why would Sirius be there? At 2 in the goddamn morning too. Putting on some shoes and the invisibility cloak over his pajamas, Remus quietly and quickly leaves the dorm to the Room of Requirement. 

He made in there quickly, it’s much easier to walk under the cloak by yourself than with three other people. He waits a minute for the door the appear in front of him as he thinks of the one and only Sirius Black. When it appears he tries his best to silently open the door as to not disturb whatever Sirius is doing in there. The map said that he was by himself so he shouldn’t have to worry about walking on a scene Remus does not want to see. He hears it once he enters, piano music? It was sweet and calming, filling up the room with its sound. 

In the middle of the room was Sirius, sitting at a black grand piano. He was playing beautifully. His hands were flying across the keys, hitting all the right chords and notes to play the song. Remus watched in pure amazement. He had no idea Sirius could play even play piano. Sirius was complete encompassed by the piano. It looked as if his whole body was playing as he swayed with the music. Remus walked closer to the scene still shocked at his discovery. Soon, the song started slowing down to a graceful finish. With no other way of showing is amazement, he claps quietly to not startle Sirius with his presence. 

“How long have you been there?” Sirius asks, turning around to look at Remus.

“Not long don’t worry.” Remus assures, as he goes to sit next to Sirius on the bench. He rests his head on Sirius’ shoulder. “Don’t stop, it sounds nice,” Remus whispers.

Sirius nods and prepares to start playing again. He quickly hums the tune before he starts playing again with Remus beside him. They stayed this way until dawn deciding they should probably head back to the dorm so Prongs isn’t worried. They walked side by side on the way back, hands and shoulders grazing as they walked. They both smiled secretively deciding to keep this night to themselves for just a bit longer.

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Thank you guys so much for all the love on my fics and headcanons, I really appreciate it :)

[stargazedmoony]

Excerpt from a story I’ll never write: The younger brother.

“Crucio!”

Sirius cried and screamed, his hands shooting up to his head. Fiery pain shot along the most sensitive nerve endings of his body and travelled along the fingers and up his arms, never settling but emerging his body in what seemed to be endless pain. He clutched his hands to his chest, trying to breath, but the air got knocked out of him with every splinter of torment that went through his body.

“Mother, please!” It was not his voice that had spoken, Sirius knew that. “Mother, please! I will— Let me talk to him!” As strong as the voice had sounded when it first spoke, so weak it sounded now.

But the pain was ebbing away. Regulus had gotten their mother to stop casting the horrific spell and Sirius tried catching his breath, hot tears lingering in the corner of his eyes. He lifted his eyelids a little, to see Regulus, rather blurry, shielding his mother’s wand-arm as though trying to keep her from swinging it again. Her eyes were furious, looking down at Sirius in disgust and anger. “Talk to him?” she hissed. “Torture would do him good! He’s to know who’s in charge in this house. If it weren’t for him being the heir of this family, I would have—!”

“Mother, please!” Regulus looked at her in distress. “He’s— He’s…” Lost for words, Regulus looked down at his brother, his eyes widened with worry and disbelief. Sirius shivered. To sleep, to die— it didn’t matter to him anymore. His head fell down on the carpet, his eyes fluttered shut. His head was throbbing with his mother’s screaming, her kicking the life out of him. Was it all he was ever going to be?

Perhaps he’d lost conscious, perhaps his mother had cursed his body into nothingness. Sirius woke up to a nagging feeling in his shoulders and a drenching pain down his spine. He noticed that he was no longer laying on the carpet and as he tried to move his arms, he felt he lay in a bed underneath a packet of blankets. It was his own bed— he could smell the fancy cologne he’d bought in a Muggle shop with Remus a couple of weeks ago. Sirius was certain it had not been his mother who had brought him to bed and as he opened his eyes, he found Regulus sitting in a chair at the far end of the bed, looking rather uncomfortable and not at all certain as to why he was there.

“Hello, brother,” Sirius said hoarsely, trying to stretch his neck to sit up straight. His body felt immensely uncomfortable, as if his limbs were not in the right place. “What you doing here?” Sirius tried pulling away the blankets.

“Here, let me.” Regulus got up and helped untangle Sirius from his blankets. “I— I’m sorry, I didn’t know she would—”

Sirius shrugged. “Whatever,” he said, in a very indifferent tone of noise. He lifted up his shirt to find several bruises there. Walburga— he did not find her worthy enough to be titled as his mother— had kicked him right below his ribs. His hips were bruised, too. Nothing too bad, nothing that could not be fixed. A simple concealment spell would do, he figured, in case the bruises would still be there when school started. If James saw his bruises, the boy would probably write his family a letter or something and Walburga sure didn’t care for a 14-year-old ‘blood traitor’, as the Blacks called the Potters, to tell her how she should raise her son. No, it was better not to tell him.

And maybe in a way, Sirius felt like he deserved it, too. He was never the son they longed for him to be and his life would sure be easier if he’d just cooperate.

But what is the fun in that? he asked himself. He was a marauder after all. He couldn’t help but crack a smile at this, though it looked more like a grimace through the pain.

He caught Regulus’s gaze and straightened his face. “Thanks, Reggie,” he said softly. “You can go now.”

Regulus opened his mouth as if wanting to say something. Then, he pressed his lips together and nodded briefly, looking rather hurt at Sirius’s blunt reaction to his helping. He should have been used to it by now, but somehow he had always hoped for a little more recognition. He wanted Sirius to trust him, Regulus being his little brother who cared, regardless of their differences in opinion about their family. Sirius was his blood.

He turned on his heels, facing the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to just walk out.

“Why do you keep doing that?” he asked quietly. The room stayed in silence. He bit his lip, not sure if Sirius even heard him.

“Are you asking the door or are you asking me?” Sirius said, a hint of humour in his voice. Regulus didn’t care to laugh at this, not when he was really trying to have a conversation. These were the things that made him feel belittled. Sirius was always making these stupid jokes, hovering his heavy, arrogant shadow over him, always trying to be the superior person in the room, when, in reality, was he? The black sheep of the family, was what their aunts and uncles called him. Another disgrace on the tapestry. Sure to be shred off of it if he didn’t make up his mind whose side he was actually on, Regulus was certain about that.

“I’m asking you,” Regulus said, turning around. He lifted his head, thrust his chin forward, hoping to, in a way, look dominant. Sirius was no better than him. Not according to Mother anyway. “Why do you keep doing that?” he asked again. “Contradict her, getting yourself in trouble. When has that ever done you any good?”

Sirius’s face angered. “When has that ever—? Are you really asking me that? It’s not about what good it does to me, it’s about morals! It’s about… It’s about doing good to the world!”

“But don’t you see that you keep distancing yourself from us when you behave like this? Father won’t even look you in the eye no more, did you not notice that?” Regulus’s voice was shaking.

Sirius looked down at his lap. “Of course I noticed,” he said annoyed. “But it’s not like I care.” That was a lie. Regulus knew very well that that was a lie. He did care, Sirius just had too much pride to admit it. It was one of the Black-traits that he did inherit. It had never been enough to make his family proud though.

“Don’t act like you do.”

“What?”

“Don’t act like you care.” Sirius looked him in the eye, fiercely. Regulus shook his head. There was no use in talking to him. He had known for a very long time now where Sirius’s loyalties lay. He couldn’t blame him, but he did blame him for not trying to play it smart— like he was. “I do care,” he said, softly. “I’m your brother.”

“Don’t care for me just because I’m your brother,” Sirius fired back. “I’ve had enough of that. Found me a new one a few years ago anyway.” That struck Regulus— a dagger to his heart. A poisonous snake’s bite in his ankles. The Potter-boy, Regulus knew. The room fell quiet once again, Regulus breathing heavily in it. He didn’t know how to position his body, how to use his head, hands— anything, really. He looked away, slightly shaking his head, and turned his body to walk out of the room.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said behind him. His voice trembled, as if on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry, Reggie. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m—”

“Whatever,” Regulus spat, in the same exact arrogant and indifferent tone Sirius had shot at him before. “If you need me, I’ll be in my room.”

And with that he walked up to the door and shut it with a slam behind it, leaving Sirius looking hurt and red-faced.

It would never be any different than this. The worst thing of all was knowing that he, Regulus, would do it again— saving Sirius from Mother’s hands, taking him up to his room and talking to him until his voice had dried out. He would then wait for his brother to wake up, hoping and praying that he’d wake up at all. He’d do it all again, but he was ever more so afraid of the day that he might not. Loyalty was a matter of questions. Could he really turn his back to his brother? But then again, it was Sirius who was distancing himself from the family, not Regulus. Was “Toujours pure” really a matter of blood purity or was it a matter of love and loyalty and the pureness of the both of them altogether?

Regulus walked to his own room, locking the door as he shut it behind him, and took place on the bed.

For a moment, he sat there in silence, his head in his hands. Then, the room filled with soft sobs. Sirius was going to wake up tomorrow. That was all that mattered now. Still he kept crying in his darkened room for a little while longer, quietly so that his parents wouldn’t hear him, and feeling the most loneliest he’d ever felt.

by: @stargazedmoony ❥

[omgrachwrites]

The Princess and The Duke - Chapter Four

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: As the Princess of Spain, you were always supposed to marry King James of England to make an alliance between Spain and England. When he marries a woman at his court for love, you are married off to his best friend, Sirius Black the Duke of Bedford to keep the alliance. However, the court is riddled with secrets and a rebel in the North starts to rise against the Throne. Royal AU.

Warnings: fluff, lil bit of angst

Words: 2547

Disclaimer: This gif and the wedding vows do not belong to me!

Translation: Mantenerte fuerte - Stay strong

A/N: Happy New Year guys! Here’s to hoping this year will be better! I used the wedding vows from Game of Thrones in this chapter hahaha! Hope you guys enjoy this part and please let me know what you think and let me know if you would like to be tagged! I love you all! xxx

Chapter Four - Spring Music

Sirius could hardly think clearly or concentrate on his work, he couldn’t concentrate on his work for King James and he could hardly concentrate on his med that were holding Calais brilliantly for him and the King. All he could think about was her, the Princess, Y/N; he couldn’t get his mind off of her proposal of marriage, even though she had explained her reasons to Sirius. He had never wanted it to be this way, he had wanted to throw a magnificent party and invite his friends and even his enemies.

Sirius had wanted to properly show Y/N off and show everyone who threated James’ rule that he had the full force of Spain at his side. But then again, he supposed his marriage would prove that, they wouldn’t have needed to have a party. It troubled him but he couldn’t help thinking that Y/N had been forced into marrying him so quickly. Whatever was going on in Cumbria had sealed their fate and perhaps the rest of England’s.

Sirius didn’t have time to dwell on anything more because the door to Sirius’ study burst open and Remus stormed in, frowning at a letter before he flopped down on a chair, rubbing his temples. Remus had avoided going back to court for a while now and Sirius was sure it had something to do with Sophia, Y/N’s lady in waiting.

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

Remus looked up from the letter and sighed, stretching out his arms behind him, “apparently, there’s some powerful Lord at court and he wants his daughter to marry well. The King writes that this Lord wants to meet with me when I return to the English court,” his eyes grew sad and Sirius bit his lip.

Remus was his best friend and in an ideal world Sirius would have Remus marry someone for love. Unfortunately, Sirius knew things couldn’t always turn out that way, not everyone could be as lucky as King James and Queen Lily.

“I’ll talk to James, surely he can’t make you marry someone that you don’t want to, and I know that he’s the King but he’s also our friend.”

“He made you get engaged to Princess Y/N, she’s beautiful and considerate but you didn’t choose her.”

Sirius laughed dryly, if he hadn’t had to marry Y/N then he would have stayed an eligible bachelor for the rest of his life, “I agreed to take Y/N’s hand in marriage and to be honest, I’m glad that I did because she’s one of the good ones,” he said truthfully, “but I also knew that it would be the best course for England but it doesn’t have to be that way for you,” he cleared his throat, “speaking of Y/N, you haven’t seen her have you?”

Remus smiled and nodded, running a hand through his hair, “she’s in the library, or she was the last time that I saw her. I was talking to her about the wedding and she seems rather excited about it.”

At Remus’ words a warm and floaty feeling blossomed in Sirius’ chest, “really? Huh, well I’m pretty excited too,” the two young men shared a smile before Sirius bid his friend goodbye and he set off for the library.

Just as Remus had said, Y/N was in the library but she wasn’t reading a book. Instead, she was staring at her hands and Sirius could have sworn that a couple of tears slipped out of her eyes and slid down her cheeks. What could she be crying about? Unless, unless it was something to do with him or the wedding. Sirius got a bitter taste in his mouth as that possibility crossed his mind.

Even when she was crying she was so hard to look away from, she was so devastatingly beautiful. Something in Sirius’ chest squeezed hard as Y/N wiped the remaining tears off her face and combed her fingers through her hair. It made him sad to see her so upset, he had to try and ease her worries.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked, his voice echoing slightly in the vast room.

Y/N jumped slightly, her bottom lip trembling before she offered him a weak smile, sniffling slightly, “I’m fine,” her voice sounded wobbly and it seemed like she was on the verge of tears once again, “it’s nothing that you need to worry about, I promise.”

“Oh, Y/N,” he hesitated when Y/N’s eyes got more teary and her lips parted just a little bit, he gulped and proceeded to say what he needed to. He needed her to hear him, he needed her to trust him, “we’re to be married and I always want you to feel like you can come to me about any worries you may have, even if they’re about me,” he sat opposite her and lifted her cold hands to his lips, kissing over her knuckles, warming her hands with his lips and he dropped his voice to a whisper, “please Y/N. Let me in, don’t push me away, we’re in this together remember?”

Y/N gave him a weak watery smile as she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Sirius shivered at the feeling of her warm lips against his skin, “sometimes I almost forget how kind you are,” she sighed wistfully and cupped his cheek, “I received a letter from my parents today, I wrote to them with news of our upcoming marriage and my father sent me one back to tell me that he and my mother won’t be in attendance,” her lips trembled and she looked just like a lost child, “the most important day of my life and my parents won’t be there. In his letter my father told me that he wanted to come but my mother fought him every step of the way. But, it’s silly,” she wiped her eyes and looked away from him.

Rage started to simmer and came to a rising boil in Sirius’ chest; he couldn’t believe that the King and Queen of Spain wouldn’t be attending their own daughter’s wedding. Y/N looked so heartbroken, he just wanted to make it better, “it’s not silly if it upsets you, and they are your parents after all. If it helps, my parents won’t be there either,” he hesitated for a second, “well, they’re dead but if they were alive then I wouldn’t let them come. My mother was a horrid bitch.”

Y/N let out a surprised giggle of laughter as she almost touched his lips with her thumb, her sparkling eyes studying his face, “I take it that you and your mother didn’t get along then? I can’t think why because you must have been the ideal son.”

Sirius let out a dry bark of laughter, he was so glad that Y/N would never have to meet his parents, “I was the black sheep of the family, the disappointment. Regulus was always the favourite, he was everyone’s favourite.”

“Not mine,” Y/N whispered, looking up at Sirius from beneath her eyelashes and Sirius felt his heart speed up, “Regulus isn’t my favourite,” her first kiss was tentative and shy. Sirius could hardly revel in the feeling of Y/N’s lips because she pulled away too soon.

Y/N bit her lip and looked at him with her sultry gaze and there was a light dusting of pink across her cheeks, she looked so beautiful and intoxicating. Her gentle fingers cupped his cheek and she pressed her lips against his more firmly. Sirius sighed against her soft lips and threaded a gentle hand through her hair as he kissed her back.

After a beat she pulled away and let out a tinkling laugh, “perhaps we should have waited until our wedding to do that.”

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” Sirius’ lips curved up into a smirk, causing Y/N to roll her eyes with a smile, “so, tell me about your wedding dress, what does it look like?”

Y/N’s face lit up at his question but she raised an eyebrow, “isn’t it bad luck if I tell you?” she asked and Sirius shook his head.

“It’s only bad luck if you show me.”

Y/N nodded, looking satisfied with his answer, “well, it’s champagne lace lined with golden thread and that’s all the information you’re getting,” she giggled and Sirius nodded with a smile though he did feel a little disappointed.

“It sounds beautiful.”

Y/N flushed at his words, “it is, I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful dress and I’m so thankful that I’ll have a kind husband who will respect me,” she smiled and placed a hand over his.

Sirius grinned bashfully and stood up, holding out his hand to her, “come on, you must be hungry. I’ll have the kitchens make you something special. Do you have any requests?”

Y/N smiled and graciously took his hand, “hmm, something with honey and fruit,” she giggled and rested her head against his shoulder.

“Your wish is my command,” he chuckled, grinning down at her as they walked down the bright, sunlit corridor.

--------------------------------------

It was a warm radiant morning on the day of your wedding, the birds were chirping their beautiful song and there was the scent of flowers on the wind that was almost a promise of what was to come. It seemed like God himself was smiling down upon you today. The King himself helped you into the magnificent comfortable litter that Sirius had procured for you. The King was to be walking you down the aisle today; he was going to be giving you to Sirius since your father wasn’t coming.

The knowledge that your father wasn’t coming felt like a dagger to your heart, in all honesty you didn’t really care that your mother wasn’t coming; you just wished your father was. He had written you a second letter telling you how proud and sorry he was but his words did nothing to soothe your aching heart.

With a sigh, you uncorked a bottle of springtime wine and poured yourself and Sophia a goblet, adding liberal amounts of honey, you drank deeply sighing with pleasure as the sweet taste danced along your tongue.

Sophia accepted the goblet with a thankful smile but you could see the sadness in her eyes. The news around the chateau was that Remus had returned to court because he’d had an offer of marriage. The news troubled Sophia and you had spent many nights with Sophia crying herself to sleep in your arms. You just wanted to make her feel better.

Sophia smiled at you as she sipped her own goblet of wine delicately, “are you excited Y/N?”

You nodded, there was a fizzle of excitement blooming in your chest already, “I’m nervous too, I always knew that I would be a wife one day but I was unprepared on how it would make me feel,” you admitted, biting your lip.

Your dear friend smiled kindly as she leaned forwards and placed her hand on top of yours, “it’s completely normal to be nervous,” she spoke to you gently and you smiled at her, you were so grateful that she was by her side.

You looked out of the thin curtains of your litter to look at the surroundings as you travelled through the woods to the small grove where the chapel was. The beautiful trees and the dappled sunlight that streamed through them slowly but surely seemed to calm your nerves and you smiled, taking in one deep breath. All too son the litter came to a halt just outside the cluster of cherry blossom trees that shrouded the chapel from view.

King James helped you out of the litter and smiled at you as he took a little bow, “you really do look beautiful Your Highness.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” you grinned back at him as you took the hand that he was offering you.

Your nerves increased as he led you through the curtain of pink petals and you looked up at the trees and smiled as the petals began to fall as soft as a kiss and settled in your beautiful hair. You closed your eyes as you took a deep breath of the sweet scent of the trees. Sirius had been right; the air was practically fizzing with magic. The most beautiful piano music floated outside of the open door of the pretty chapel and it seemed to diminish your nerves ever so slightly.

“Mantenerte fuerte,” you whispered to yourself, remembering the last words that your father said to you and with your head held high you walked through the front doors of the chapel, on the way to your future.

You gasped in delight as the weak sunlight streamed through the stained glass windows, making rainbows in the air; you reached out a hand to the quivering beautiful light. Queen Lily also looked beautiful in robes of forest green and flowers in her hair. Biting your lip, you looked over at the altar where your future husband was waiting for you. You smiled, feeling your eyelashes flutter of their own accord. He looked so handsome and he grinned at you with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks and those gorgeous grey eyes were shining as brightly as the stars. His teeth worried at his bottom lip as you floated towards him, not even sparing a glance to the spectators, they didn’t matter. It was only him that mattered.

When you reached the altar, King James lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss to it before he joined your hand with Sirius’ and he clapped his best friend on the shoulder before going to join his Queen. Sirius’ lips curved up into a nervous elated smile as he squeezed your hand gently and you smiled back before the priest cleared his throat and began the service. The priest proclaimed that Spain and England where to be joined today but you weren’t really paying attention; the only thing you could think of was Sirius’ hand in yours. You jolted slightly when it was time to say your vows.

“Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger. I am yours and you are mine, this day until the end of my days,” you said together and smiled all the way through. It wouldn’t be so bad being Sirius’ wife, you knew that he would respect you and care for you, and you would do the same for him. It would be something, anything was better than nothing. Even if you never fell in love with each other, it was going to be okay.

“You may kiss your bride,” the priest prompting Sirius and the flush on Sirius’ cheeks only deepened.

Sirius took a deep breath as he cupped your neck and leaned in gently to press a chaste kiss to your lips, it was a pleasant kiss that made your lips tingle and your heart beat wildly. Before Sirius could properly pull away, you took hold of his shirt gently and tugged him back to you, threading a hand through his hair as you kissed him back, nipping at his lower lip slightly. He chuckled into your mouth and the outside world seemed to melt away until it was just you and him.

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@smiithys​ @elayneblack​ @amelie-black​ @siriuslyjanhvi​ @pregnant-piggy​ @lindatreb​ @mabelle-cherie​ @hxrgreeves​ @britishspidey​ @mads-bri​ @classicrocketqueen​ @sxtansqueen​ @hufflepuffzutara​ @missmulti​ @bruxa0007​ @ourstarsailor​ @fific7​ @squ1dward​ @2410slb​ @sunles​

[lumosandnoxwriting]

Let Me Save You - Sirius Black

Title: Let Me Save You Pairing: Sirius x Fem!Reader Summary: Y/N will do whatever it takes to save the ones she loves, even if it means joining the dark side. A/N: for the anon who wanted Sirius helping his girlfriend after she takes the dark mark! This is the first time I’ve written a full imagine for Sirius, so I hope it’s okay!! Feedback is always welcome!!! Tags: @feltondarling​ @pandaxnienke​ @raerae27​

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Sirius’ first thought when he boards the Hogwarts Express with James after the Christmas holiday is Y/N. They’ve only been apart two weeks, but for him it feels like an eternity. It doesn’t help that most of his letters went unanswered, and when she did write her letters were short and uneventful.

Sirius and James race each other to their usual compartment, shoving each other as they run. James just barely cuts in front of Sirius as they reach the door and he grins up at his friend as he plops down next to Lily, slightly out of breath.

“Better luck next time, Pads,” James teases, throwing an arm around Lily.

Sirius flips James off as he collapses on the bench across from them. He looks around the compartment, frowning when he doesn’t spot Y/N. Marlene is seated between Lily and Wormtail, and Mooney is sitting a few spaces away from Sirius, dead asleep with his head leaning against the window. “Where’s Y/N?”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” Lily responds leaning into James’ side. “I figured she was with you guys.”

“You don’t think she’s not coming back, do you?” Marlene asks, a worried look on her face.

James rolls his eyes. “Why do you always have to be so dramatic, Mar? Maybe she’s in the loo or got caught up talking to someone. I’m sure she’ll be here any minute.”

Marlene reaches behind Lily to smack James upside the head. “Shove it, Potter. I’m being serious.” Marlene leans in and drops her voice to a whisper. “We all know what her family is like. Things with the war have only been getting worse. Maybe they’re not letting her come back.”

“I hate to admit it but what if Marlene is right?” Lily asks, her face contorting into the same worried look that’s on Marlene’s. “She didn’t return any of the letters I sent over break, and Remus said he didn’t hear from her either.”

James nudges Sirius’ leg with his foot. “You wrote to her a bunch, Pads. You get anything back?”

Sirius nods lamely. “One or two letters, if you could even call them that. She didn’t say much in either of them. Mainly just bullshit pleasantries.” Sirius runs his hand through his hair and closes his eyes, leaning back into his seat.

He’s known Y/N since he was a little boy, her family is part of the Sacred 28 as well, and their parents have been friends since they were kids. Even though they spent quite a bit of time together growing up, Sirius and Y/N only truly became friends when they both started at Hogwarts. Like him, she was the first in her family to be sorted into Gryffindor and they quickly bonded over being the family disappointment. They started dating just before the beginning of their 5th year, and now halfway through 7th year Sirius is sure that Y/N is going to be the woman he marries.

“She seemed fine on the train ride home at the end of term last year,” Wormtail adds. “Something must have happened during the break.”

Sirius’ eyes snap open as the train starts to move. “I can’t just sit here. I’m gonna go see if I can find her.”

Before anyone can stop him Sirius is out of the compartment, frantically heading down the hall.

-

“Where the hell were you?” Sirius asks as he engulfs Y/N in a hug. They’ve all just stumbled into the Great Hall worried about their missing friend, only to find her already sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Y/N returns Sirius’ hug lamely before pulling him down beside her. “Sorry, love. I got to the train late so I just sat in the first compartment I could find.”

Sirius watches her for a few moments as his arm winds around her waist. He can tell that she’s lying, but he’s not sure exactly why. Wormtail was right on the train, she’d been acting fine all term, and had been joking around with Sirius and everyone else on the train back to Kings Cross. Something must have happened at home, that’s the only way to explain her distant behavior. Y/N had cut herself off from all of them over the break, and even now as she talks with Lily Sirius can see that her smile isn’t genuine, and there’s no light behind her eyes.

“What’s wrong with you?” Sirius whispers in her ear when Lily turns her attention towards something Remus has said.

“Nothing, Sirius. I’m fine,” Y/N responds, trying to sound genuine. But in reality, she’s dying on the inside.

Spending time at home with her family is mentally and emotionally draining, and after the events that went down over Christmas Y/N just doesn’t feel like herself anymore. But she has to put on a fake smile, for her sake and her friends. They can’t know what really happened over the break, and if she wants to keep them safe she has no choice but to start slowly pulling away from those she loves most, Sirius included.

It’s no secret to anybody, especially her friends, that Y/N’s family are willing to do anything to keep their money and their power. Even though she’s well and truly the black sheep of the family, they expect the same things out of her. There’s a war brewing in the Wizarding World, and up until Christmas break Y/N and her family had been on opposite sides of it. But Y/N would do anything to protect the people she loves, and so on Christmas Eve Y/N stood in the middle of her family’s living room and took the Dark Mark.

The Mark burns with pain every time she thinks about it, but Y/N knows she deserves it. Whether she truly believes in Voldemort’s mission or not, she’s now one of his slaves. She’d done it to protect her younger brother, who was supposed to be the one taking the Mark. But he’s barely 15, and Y/N couldn’t stand there and watch her parents ruin his life. She also did it to protect Lily, her sweet Muggleborn best friend who was already on Voldemort’s radar as a target. And she did it to protect Sirius, who had already been cast from his home and no longer afforded the same protections from Voldemort’s torture as the rest of the Black family.

If taking the Dark Mark is what it takes to save her friends’ lives, then she’d do it over and over again.

“If you’re sure,” Sirius murmurs, before pulling Y/N into a deep kiss. She’s his whole entire world, and he’s willing to wait for her to be ready to open up to him. “I love you. You know that, right?”

Y/N nods and lets her hands tangle in his hair for a brief moment. “Of course, Sirius. I love you too. More than you’ll ever know.”

-

It starts off slowly. Y/N knows the only way to truly keep all of her friends safe is to keep her distance. But just immediately cutting them off would be too obvious. So she starts by heading to breakfast early, so by the time all of her friends are awake and heading to the Great Hall, she’s already on her way to the first lesson of the day. The first few times Sirius questions her, since normally Y/N likes to sleep in until the last possible second. But she brushed his concerns away, simply stating that she never gets to sleep in at home, and she’s gotten used to rising early. Everyone seems a little confused, but they accept her explanation anyway.

Next she moves her seat in all of her classes, so she’s no longer sitting by her friends. They don’t all have every class together, so it takes them all a while to figure it out. Lily confronts Y/N about it during lunch after Potions, when she’d completely ignored Lily and sat next to Severus of all people. Again, Y/N had tried to brush off their concerns casually. Her parents had gotten on her about her grades during break and sitting with her friends would only distract her.

Then she stops hanging out in the common room. Whenever there’s downtime everyone is usually piled up in front of the fire, messing around or playing games. But Y/N is always absent. She either hides away in her dorm room with a book or is in a dark corner of the library doing schoolwork. The first half dozen times it happens one of her friends always seeks her out, usually Sirius or Lily, and they try and coax her back to the common room. But she always denies their offer, either blaming it on her large amount of schoolwork to prep for NEWTS or feigning some kind of illness. Eventually they stop trying, no matter how much it pains them to do so.

The final straw is when Y/N stops sitting with her friends at all. They come down for dinner one night and find that she’s not sitting at their usual spot at the Gryffindor table. Instead she’s at the far end of the table, sandwiched between a group of first years and a group of fourth years. No matter how hard they try no one can get her to come sit with them, even Sirius’ best puppy dog eyes, which can make even Lily melt.

“So, what are we going to do about her?” Remus asks one night over dinner. Y/N has just left the Great Hall, walking by them without even sparring any one a glance.

“She’s being a proper bitch, I don’t know why we need to do anything. She doesn’t want us to be friends with her anymore? Fuck her then,” Marlene sneers, clearly using anger to cover up the hurt she’s feeling.

Lily throws her arm around Marlene’s shoulder, pulling her in tightly. “It’s okay, Mar. I miss her too.” She turns to Sirius then. “Got any ideas?”

Sirius shrugs. “She doesn’t even look at me anymore. Not sitting with us in class or choosing not to hang out with us is one thing, but the silent treatment? It’s killing me. Something must have happened during break and she won’t talk about it.”

“Have you talked to your brother lately?” James asks suddenly.

“Regulus? No, why?” Sirius asks, his tone lit with confusion.

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but I’ve seen him and Y/N talking in the halls a few times while doing Head Boy stuff after curfew. Snivellous was there once or twice too. Seemed like they were talking about something serious, and once they’d spot me they’d all run off.”

Sirius frowns. “So she can talk to that greaseball and my brother but not talk to me?”

Remus sighs. “I think this is far worse than any of us have imagined.” When everyone turns to look at him he continues. “We know Snape has a pension for Dark Arts, and it’s likely that Sirius’ family has aligned themselves with You-Know-Who, right? Well who’s family is close friends with the most ancient and noble house of Black?” He lets the question hang in the air for a moment, but no one has to answer, they all know who it is. “Sirius, you suspected that your parents had made Regulus take the Dark Mark over the summer, after you ran away. What do you think are the odds that Y/N’s family have forced her to take it as well?”

Lily gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. “That makes sense. As much as I hate to admit it, it makes sense. I mean of all the people to sit next to in Potions she sat next to Snape. That never made sense to me, she knows how vile he is, the vile things he’s said about me. But I’d bet all the money in the world that Snape has taken the Mark as well and that’s why she’s talking to him and Regulus.”

“Alright, that’s it,” Sirius says, standing up. “I can’t just sit here and theorize about what might be happening. I’m going to go find Y/N and make her talk to me. Whether she’s taken the Dark Mark or not, something is wrong, and I can’t just watch her suffer.”

-

When the door to the dorm creeps open, Y/N figures it’s Alice or Mary coming to grab something quickly. Lily and Marlene stopped checking up on her ages ago. So she’s surprised when Sirius walks into their dorm. He looks like a mixture of concerned and angry, and it makes Y/N’s chest aches.

“What?” she asks coldly, turning her attention back to her book.

Sirius doesn’t say anything at first, choosing to watch Y/N as he comes over and sits on the edge of her bed. “We need to talk.”

“Didn’t you get the hint? I don’t want to talk to you.” Y/N hates having to be like this with Sirius. He’s always been the person she trusted most in this world, but now she has to let him go. As painful as it is for the both of them.

Sirius crosses his arms over his chest. “I don’t care about what you want. You’re in pain, Y/N. And you can’t lie your way out of it. I know you too well. I can see it in your eyes. Please just stop pushing me away so I can help you.”

Y/N slams her book shut and puts it down on the bed. “It’s too late for you to help me, okay? So just give it a rest. It’s in everyone’s best interest to just stop thinking about me and stop caring about me, okay?”

Sirius watches Y/N storm towards the door and he reaches out, grabbing her forearm. She immediately winces and tears her arm from his grasp. Sirius’ eyes widen and fear washes over him. “You have it, don’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Y/N responds lamely, looking down at her hands.

Sirius clears his throat. “The Dark Mark. It’s on your forearm, isn’t it?”

Y/N shakes her head and pushes past Sirius and heads back towards your bed. “You’re out of your mind, Sirius. Now just leave me alone please.”

“Not until you show me your arm, Y/N,” Sirius demands firmly. He already knows what he’ll see when she finally rolls her sleeve up, but he needs to see it. He needs to know that this is really happening.

Y/N sniffles as she turns to face Sirius. At some point she’d started crying, but she’s not entirely sure when. She rips the sleeve of her shirt up to her elbow and holds her arm out so Sirius can see the Mark on her skin. “There! Are you happy? I’m a dirty, rotten death eater. Is that enough to finally get you to leave me the fuck alone?”

“Baby,” Sirius coos, taking a step towards her. “How did this happen, please, Y/N. I love you. This doesn’t make any sense. Talk to me, please.” Sirius isn’t even sure if what he’s saying is making sense, but his mind is going too fast to string a coherent thought together. This was never supposed to happen to them. Sirius ran away from his family to avoid this fate, he let himself be disowned so he and Y/N would have a chance at a long, happy life together. And the sight of that Mark on her arm has suddenly ripped those dreams right from under him.

Y/N collapses onto her bed, holding her head in her hands. “I didn’t want it to happen. You have to believe me, Sirius. I’ve hated myself every single day since I took this fucking thing.”

Sirius sits down next to Y/N and wraps his arms around her, bringing her to his chest. “I know, baby. I know,” he soothes, starting to stroke her hair. “Let me in, please. I can’t see you hurting like this anymore.”

“They were gonna make him do it. Michael,” Y/N starts. “He’s barely even 15, I couldn’t let him. He looked so scared when they told him, like he was going to cry. I had to protect him Sirius, I couldn’t let them ruin him. So, I told them I would do it.”

Sirius leans down and presses a kiss to the top of her head. “Then why not just say that to us? Y/N we all care about you. We love you. You can tell us anything. We’d never be mad. I’d never be mad.”

“Because, Sirius. This isn’t just some game or joke. I’m his slave now, I’m at his every beck and call. Being around me is dangerous, especially for you and Lily. He has information on muggleborns, Sirius. Like files and files about people. He knows pretty much everything you can about Lily. Being friends with her gives him a direct connection to her and I can’t let that happen. And you. God it would kill me if you got hurt because of me. I love you, Sirius. More than I love anything in this world.”

Sirius grabs Y/N’s face in his hands and tilts her head up so he can kiss her slowly and passionately, trying to convey every feeling he has for her through this one kiss. “Runaway with me,” he whispers when their kiss breaks.

“What?” Y/N asks, blinking up at him.

“Let’s go to Dumbledore. If anyone can help you out of this mess it’s him. He’ll be able to hide us away somewhere, until it’s safe.” Sirius hugs Y/N tightly. “I love you, Y/N. There’s no one else in the world who will ever make me feel like this. You’re the person I’m supposed to marry and have kids with. Grow old with. You’ve already saved me, now let me save you.”

Y/N kisses Sirius. “I love you too. There’s no me without you.”

Y/N lets Sirius drag her from her dorm and to Dumbledore’s office. There’s no guarantee that he’ll say yes, or that hiding will work. But with Sirius by her side, Y/N knows that everything will work out in the end.    

[morgansmoreid]

Secrets  • Derek Morgan • Three

Fic Masterlist

Name: Happy Moments and Old Friends

Warnings: Sexual Content

(Italics Stand For Flashbacks)

Y/n lets go of her father's hands and switches the suitcase to her other side. She hates the man before her but she still leans in and presses a small kiss to his cheek, pulling back to examine him. Clean, is the word she would use to describe him. Colored hair and a shaved face, her father looked younger than she could pin him.

"Is it still the same?" Y/n points to the glass door. "It's been so long."

Y/F/N only nods and turns to hold the door for the three agents. Y/n goes in last, goosebumps on her arms from the seconds no one watches the two. But as Y/F/N makes no moves, she slowly calms down and ignores the looks she gets. She's her father's twin, she knows that, but from the way she carried herself past years, she can see the shock in some people's eyes as the badge resides on the band of the pants.

"Here." Y/F/N takes the three agents into the big conference room. The room Y/n was never allowed to go in, the one that held every meeting that pulled her father away from her life, the one she dreaded.

Y/F/N didn't follow Derek, Penelope, and Y/n into the room, leaving them to interrogate.

"Fields?" Derek was a little hurt and the sudden front his partner put on.

"Not now." Y/n shut down any further questions and walked past her team members to start the step up. The board looked clean halfway through, papers in order, and information that Y/n wrote up made it easier on Penelope, who was still giving Y/n the cold shoulder.

The silence the three create as they work is not tense. Frankly, the only sounds are Y/n's nails against her tablet and Penelope's keys being clacked against her research, mixed in with a little bit of Derek's blocky writing against his yellow pad.

Well, it was silent, until the door busted open with an angry man coming in and screaming at Y/n. "You should have answered my damn text!" He screamed, walking towards her, causing her to step out of her seat and back to the nearest wall. Derek did the same but in the protection of his girlfriend. "I was worried sick and you couldn't even bother to text me a quick answer? What the fuck is that about?" The man is still screaming until he is shut down by Derek.

"Excuse you!" He walks forward, his body still protecting Y/n's. "Watch yourself and who you talk to like that!" Derek isn't screaming like Deputy James, the tag on his uniform reads. Deputy James Diaz. But Derek's tone is indeed strict. It's rare anyone hears him speak as he did moments ago, even on cases. Daiz steps down. Derek doesn't move his body from Y/n but she moves from behind him to next to him.

"We can talk about this later." She looked him straight in the eye. Fear from her father still ran through Y/n's bloodstream as she spoke, but Y/n stood her ground and watched James slowly back up before he left the room himself. His face too looked cleaner and he overall looked better. It's hard to look at James from the last time they were alone together, but that didn't stop Y/n from seeing the differences.

For years and years, he kept quiet about his feelings to the woman next to him. Her hair smelled like flowers as she laid on his shoulder, hands connected as they watched the stars off of his apartment building roof.

"You are one the reasons I still come back to the wretched town, James," Y/n spoke truthfully. "You are the one friend that has always stayed by me."

James only smiled and looked at Y/n. She sits up from his shoulder and they meet eyes. It's regular to her so she doesn't stop him when his hand caresses her cheek. It's not regular when his lips meet hers and at first she wants to say something. But he kisses her again and she doesn't stop him. Y/n gets pulled in closer and lets James run his hand on her back.

"Should we?" Y/n's words drift.

"I've wanted to for as long as I could imagine." James honestly replied.

"Who was that?" Penelope finally spoke up.

"The deputy. Also, an old friend that I fell out of touch with."

"And what is talking about you not answering his text? What is going on here?" Derek pushed his writing pad aside.

"My high school reunion is in 4 days, on Saturday. James and a few others texted me because everyone wanted to know I was coming, I didn't reply because I didn't expect to be here." Y/n speaks fast, and if years with Spencer didn't help the two in the past, it helped them now as they picked up every word.

"And you didn't say anything? We could have made it if you were concerned about work-"

"I didn't want to go in the first place," Y/n spoke words that had less meaning of what she truly meant. Derek nor Penelope continued the conversation after that and tried to get back to work. It was only 8 A.M in the hot state and as much as they needed coffee, no one wanted the shitty police coffee they get every case.

20 minutes passed and Penny headed out to find a bathroom. Derek still hadn't said anything and only fiddled with his pen as his mind stayed blank. Eyes stayed on the filled page as the sound of Y/n getting up from her chair played in his ears. He tried to ignore her as he could until she placed a hand on his shoulder. No, he didn't shove her off or push her away, even though his muscles tensed.

"Babe.." Y/n called, turning her head to the closed door and the blinded window next to her before turning back. "I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"Yea. You should've." Derek scoffed, leaning himself back in the office chair he resided in. "I mean come on Y/n, this is the type of thing we are supposed to talk about."

"I know. I know." Y/n easily fits herself between the conference table and Derek. "I just can't be here and didn't want to think about it so I just ignored it in general, and I am so so sorry I didn't tell you." Derek takes Y/n's hands and closes them in his.

"It's ok, just.., let's get to the bottom of this case so we can go home ok?" Y/n nods and leans down pressing a small kiss to Derek's lips.

"How about we get this day over and at least hit the hotel? Wouldn't that be nice, daddy?" She smirked and whispered, the door making her pull away before she could receive an answer. Penelope sat down, more focused while the two soon joined her. It was just the three in the room for a while. When Aaron and Emily joined them first, evidence came with them, leaving Y/n to add it to the board.

"Y/L/N, you're 29 right?" Penelope finally spoke to the woman.

A small mhm left Y/n as she peeled the glove from her hand.

"But Christina and Rose are 32? How would you guys share the same reunion?"

But before Y/n could answer the given question, Aaron had his own.

"Reunion? You didn't say anything?"

"Small high school reunion for all. Not just for the seniors, we don't do that here. Technically, I still have 3 left to go because this year would be their senior year." Y/n clarified. "I didn't need to say anything because I don't ever come back to the place. Not for birthdays, weddings, I'm the black sheep that everyone knows."

And with that, Y/n proudly shut down the unwanted questions her way. Aaron looked over to Derek, surprised when he seemed equally confused. Y/n didn't say she knew the victims, but she talked about them as if she did and Aaron wrote it down as questions to bring up when his subjects came in for questioning later that day.

Penelope's profile and research grew more as the team was reunited again but she still didn't understand why or who was targeting these women.

"I set up times for everyone Hotch," Penelope closed tabs on her computer. She tried to stay focused but after 3 hours and more looking at horrible crime photos, she needed her baby kittens and pandas.

"Good, thank you," Aaron said, leaving the question in the air. "Lunch anyone? We all have to be hungry."

"Yea, any good places?" David put down his own work before turning over to Y/n.

"I'll ask around."

"You don't remember any?" A voice at the door spooked everyone.

"Nope." Y/n popped the P. Now that she was around her team, her father didn't scare her. Confidence boosted around her.

Spencer looked between Y/F/N and Y/n multiple times before saying some of the others were thinking. "Is he your brother? You both look identical!"

"No!" Y/n responded offended. Yes, her father cleaned up his act but there was no way he looked that young. "And it's not important, the only thing I remember is a diner about 15 minutes from here."

"It is important, I'm her father. But Y/n's right, there is a diner called Happy's 10 minutes west." He crossed his arms and rested his face. His eyebrow twitched, but Y/n ignored it and looked past him, out to the open.

"Not that important," She mumbled. "Let's go eat, I'll drive."

Y/n followed her father into the '80s themed diner. She stood behind him and watched as he tapped the bell.

"Hey, Lennie! Wanted to get me a coffee and my Daredevil a bagel before I headed in for the day, can you whip it up for us?" Y/F/N talked to the manager that had walked out of the back. The stupid nickname Y/n had since she was four made Lennie look at her, giving her a half-wave that she gave back.

"Sure Bud, on the house for our favorite sheriff and his wonderful daughter."

Y/n pulled the car into park and Aaron did the same. The team was large, one vehicle wasn't nearly enough. Y/n was the first to get out, holding open the door for everyone. The diner was almost empty. Only one woman resided in the back, her hair so long that her face was covered by it. She didn't want to be seen, that was clear. Y/n tapped the bell and waited for someone to come out, shocked, to say the least when Lennie came out.

"Lennie!" She said happily, putting a smile on the old man's face.

"Daredevil! You're back!" Lennie walked around the counter and hugged Y/n like never before. It was soon he learned why she got the name daredevil and it stuck until now.

"I am back, and pretty hungry, you still have those magic skills of yours?"

"You know it! Come sit, come sit," Lennie walked over to a booth and seated everyone. He more than happily took everyone's order and every so often he checked on the lady who sat in the back. For once, Y/n was happy to be home. Dipping her fries in the milkshake, true laughter ran from Y/n. For once, no one was pushing her. For once, everything was calm.

Lennie insisted that lunch was on the house and he had it covered, but Y/n still slipped that 100 dollars bill in his pocket like it was nothing. She hopped back into the driver's seat and led the way down the street, window open and the air humid now that the sun was fully out.

The time that displayed itself on her watch said 2:35. They had been out for less than 2 hours, and it was the best time she has had here in a while. Y/n walks into the station with a small smile and joins the team back to the conference room. Everyone is in a better mood. Work comes to them naturally and the only thing that stops the peaceful space is James.

"There has been another body- Daniela Choi."

[vintagegeekculture]

Who are the “Venoms Mob?”

Well, first things first: if you go to China and talk about the 5 Venoms, or the Venoms Mob, they’ll have absolutely no idea who you’re talking about there, because that’s a fandom-term among US Kung Fu cult movie fans.

In Hong Kong, the Venoms are known as director Chang Cheh’s Weapons Expert Troupe, a group of five lifelong friends, martial artists, bodybuilders, exotic weapons experts, and trained acrobats who did at least a dozen movies for manly man Kung Fu director Chang Cheh in the 1970s and 1980s. They were the real deal: they usually choreographed their own fight scenes, which often involved flips and crazy stunts due to their acrobat training, high-wire acts, and unusual and exotic weaponry not typically seen even in martial arts movies. It’s like every single one of them drank the Captain America potion. Their films tended to end in heroic sacrifices, and the Venoms, for all their athleticism and daring, tended to be identifiable people on the bottom end of the societal ladder: homeless drifters, refugees, itinerant hobos, traveling performers, or restaurant workers.

The Venoms were stars in the US, particularly among the black community who love Chinese martial arts movies, not just because of their truly breathtaking skill and choreography, but because they are how most people feel they are, secretly, deep down: rams among sheep. They are the poor, downtrodden, or average person who decides “not to take it anymore” after untold indignities. This is also why the Venoms are especially important to the black community. In fact, if you want to know how much the Venoms mean to their fans, just go up to nearly any Black Dad over 45+ and ask about the “5 Venoms.” 

Chang Cheh, Director of the Venoms

The best way to describe the director and writer of the Venoms films, Chang Cheh is that he is basically Mac from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia if he decided to make Gladiator and loved Sergio Leone and Kurasawa.

The director and writer of the Venoms movies, and maybe the most significant name in the history of Kung Fu cinema apart from Bruce Lee, Chang Cheh was towering enough that Quentin Tarantino dedicated Kill Bill Part 2 to Chang Cheh in the closing credits. It would not be inaccurate to say he invented the Kung Fu movie as we know it, with its training montages, mentor-student relationships, all cut with themes of vengeance, noble self-sacrifice, and rebellion of poor and ordinary people against unjust authority.

Chang Cheh’s life story is fascinating. His father was a warlord during the Republican Era between the World Wars, which must have made for an interesting school career day. He started as a film critic and became a screenwriter, then from being a screenwriter, became a director. I wonder if that is the reason that Chang Cheh was so fascinated by themes of masculinity and male bonding, as the arty, openly gay movie critic son of a central Asian warlord had a nearly impossible standard of masculinity to live up to.

The two Western movies that are, thematically, the closest to Chang Cheh are Gladiator and Saving Private Ryan, and if you like both of those movies, you’ll probably like him. His heroes are often James Dean-like angry young men, poor and at the outskirts of society. His movies tend to end in heroic self-sacrifice for a noble cause, and tend to have themes of vengeance, arty blood red slaughter, and a distrust of authority and government of any kind. He loves bloodshed and thinks violence is beautiful; an image that comes up often is someone in an all white outfit that gets covered in blood, an arty view of violence similar to his two biggest influences, Sergio Leone and Kurosawa. Like the Shawshank Redemption, Chang Cheh movies are essentially ensemble pieces about the friendships and close comradely bonds of brotherhood between men. Very few women of any kind have extensive speaking parts in his movies.

Another movie that also summarizes Chang Cheh would be 300. Remember that Sarah Silverman bit where she said that “300 is the answer to the question, how gay is this movie on a scale of 1 to 10?” Not just because it is about an entirely male cast, or about finding fulfillment in noble self-sacrifice and heroism Alamo-style against desperate odds, but also because it’s about glorifying the male body, with tons of abs and pecs. I suppose I should mention here that Chang Cheh’s movies are profoundly homoerotic, and discussion of their homoeroticism is the major way film academics talk about these movies. How many scenes in Cheh’s movies are about dudes hanging out with their shirts off, flexing their muscles? Or about “brothers” who clasp each other on the shoulder while looking longingly into each other’s eyes in a shot-reverse shot? The only meaningful relationship in his movies are male ones. I dislike passing on cheap gossip, but by all accounts it’s actually an open secret in the Hong Kong film industry that Chang Cheh was homosexual and lived with other men. 

Yi Kuang -Screenwriter of the Venoms

The screenwriter of nearly all the Venoms movies, much like Chang Cheh, Yi Kuang had an interesting life. He was a Communist Party officer who went to Inner Mongolia, where his primary job was writing death sentences for landlords. Once idealistic, he left disillusioned with the Chinese Communist Party, and a remained a die-hard anticommunist. Evil bureaucrats tend to show up in his stories often for that reason, and a common theme of his scripts is the anger of ordinary people against distant, unapproachable authorities. There’s no understanding Venoms films without their screenwriter. Chang Cheh started as a screenwriter and wrote his movies, but Yi Kuang was his most frequent partner.

Interestingly, Yi Kuang got famous long after for writing a series of supernatural and horror novels called the Mr. Wisely books, where a traditional Chinese medicine expert fights for sites of power charged with Feng Shui. It’s interesting to see his turn to the supernatural, sorcery, and ghosts as an overreaction to his distaste for Marxist materialism. Of all the Venoms films, the one that shows his influence the strongest was the one the Venoms fight an evil human sacrifice devil cult, Masked Avengers. 

The Hero – Kuo Chui

A guy with a big smile and a body carved out of marble, Kuo Chui started as a circus acrobat before becoming a stuntman and then a leading actor. He was the Venom with the strongest and most natural screen presence, the one that was the most “movie star.” In fact, he was almost always the hero and central character of Venoms movies, usually playing the most levelheaded and strategic minded of the group.

Kuo Chui deserves some credit also for being the one Venom to actually direct a movie himself, Ninja in the Deadly Trap. This sounds like a heck of a leap, but in Hong Kong, nearly all choreographers also direct their fight scenes. It’s no surprise that a common career path in Hong Kong cinema is to go from choreographer to director (see also Chang Cheh’s ex-choreographers, Tang Chia and 36 Chambers director Liu Chia Liang)

 The Bad Guy – Lu Feng

Every single movie, Lu Feng was the heel, the bad guy. I mean, heck, in Shaolin Rescuers, he even played the evil apprentice of the supreme supervillain of the martial arts, Pai Mei! But no matter what, Lu Feng was just so cool that you couldn’t help but root for him just a little bit. He was a character type common in pro wrestling: the arrogant “cool heel,” like Rick Flair and the Horsemen. 

The Venoms tended to be workaday regular poor guys, but Lu Feng usually played a rich guy who oozed arrogance and menace, rather like the evil rich football player heel in college movies. 

 The Funny Guy – Chiang Sheng

A guy who usually played the funny young hero or a wisecracking comedy sidekick prone to wiseassery and pratfalls, Chiang Peng was the Venom who most benefited from the rise of Jackie Chan, and his introduction of silent film era inspired physical comedy into the otherwise stale Kung Fu film. Like Robin Williams, Chiang Shiang was someone who made everyone else laugh, but because he had a lot of darkness inside him, which ended up killing him. Chiang Sheng is the only Venom to not be with us, he drank himself to death after his divorce in 1991. Because of this, there can never really be a full Venoms reunion.

One of the most amazing things about Hong Kong cinema in the 70s is that the actors tended to have scraggly teeth that aren’t perfect and that seemed to be Chang Shieng’s defining trait. To be clear, I am not in any way mocking him for having bad teeth. In fact, I think it is rather winsome and endearing, like a teenager with braces.

 The Tough Guy – Lo Meng

Known as the “Shaolin Hercules,” the person I’d compare Lo Meng to is Mr. Worf. Ultra-strong, humorless, intimidating, dead serious and never smiling, he was by far the most muscular and powerful of the Venoms, with tons of machismo and swagger, “big dick energy” as the kids say today. The camera tends to linger on his oiled up biceps and chest in extreme close-up…but was also, usually, the first to die in nearly all of these films. Much like how Worf was the toughest guy ever, but usually got beat up a lot so the writers could show that the situation was serious. In fact, Lo Meng, still in great shape, was in Ip Man 4, where, not one to break with a tradition, he was the first guy to get his ass beat in the film, even in a movie made in the Year of Our Lord 2020.

Lo Meng tends to be the “backup main hero” and was even the main character in films like 2 Champions of Shaolin. He had the most impressive “solo” film career apart from the other Venoms. Like Geri Halliwell, he left the Venoms to do his own thing, which is why the defining trait of the later Venom films is that he wasn’t there. 

Lo Meng wasn’t Taiwanese like the other Venoms, and was a native of Hong Kong. In fact, he got his start in the film industry not as a stuntman or muscleman, but as an accountant for the Shaw Brothers studios, and he lifted weights and did Praying Mantis Kung Fu as a hobby. That’s…that’s hilarious. Reminds me of that fake Simpsons movie, Undercover Nerd with Renier Wolfcastle:

 The Wild Card – Chun Shieng

Would YOU trust this man? I wouldn’t. He betrayed the Toad!

That’s Chun Shieng for you, the wild card Venom who could “go either way” and so wasn’t an entirely trustworthy ally.

Allow me to correct a misconception I’ve seen in a lot of places: Chun is sometimes known as “the one Korean Venom.” He isn’t Korean but Chinese, but he was trained in Korea and is a Tae Kwon Do expert, unlike the other Venoms, who studied Chinese Kung Fu and Peking Opera. And it certainly shows: he always fights with a kick-heavy Tae Kwon Do style that does not look much like any Kung Fu at all.

[gonebylouist]

Hey you, I think I’m...

Pairing: Sirius Black x Remus Lupin (Wolfstar)

Summary: Sirius doesn’t know how to tell Remus how he feels. Perhaps a thousand and one letters will do the trick?

A/N: I wrote this fic quite some time ago for a weekend challenge on Harry Potter Amino. It was a challenge for pride month and this is kind of what came of it. This is set during the Marauders’ Era. The ending is set around 1980.

Warnings: None

Word count: 6157 words

The moon and the stars cried. The moon lighted the way while the stars fell down while not knowing what to say. It was hard to keep it all in when all they both desired was to be together, yet neither knew what to say or how to say it. That is why they cried.

Dear Remus Lupin,

Before you go out and interrogate everyone, talk to everyone you know and even the people you don’t know, to find out who wrote you this, please believe me when I say that I truly mean what I wrote in this letter. I think you’re wonderful, and I mean that in the best way. I genuinely think you are an amazing person to just admire. You are kind, caring, loving, gentle- even when you say you’re not. The way you study always gets me, you know? It’s your head pining over all that homework, all those books, and then at some point, you will accidentally knock over your inkpot and you’ll curse at yourself. And then you’ll look up to see if anyone heard you. Honestly, it is so extremely adorable. Or when you arrive at the Great Hall with your friends, it is amazing to see that smile on your face as you breathe in the smell of freshly baked goods. To put it lightly, I think I fancy you…

“I think I fancy you, honestly this sounds stupid,” Sirius muttered to himself as he was reading through the letter he was currently writing. The young Black groaned in frustration and shook his head. His three best friend had gone outside to enjoy the sun, but not Sirius. No, he had to write this, he’d promised James that he was going to confess his love to Remus this year. The problem was that end of the year was quite near, it was now the beginning of June and if Sirius did not confess his love this year he’d owe James a lot of money. The male had locked himself in their dormitory and told himself that he was not allowed to leave until he finished this. Sirius’s eyes skimmed over the letter and not that much later he put it down and took out a new blank piece of parchment. “Shouldn’t ‘love’ be a celebration?” the young male murmured to himself. This did not feel like a celebration, this was a lot harder than he anticipated, and he was scared of rejection. Sirius never really wanted to admit that he was scared of being rejected and ignored by the ones he loved most. He could not lose his best friend over a stupid love letter. This confession was more like signing his own will or placing the final flower on his coffin before saying goodbye, because not only would he confess his love, he would also have to come out as gay. Yes, it was a very well-known fact that Sirius made out with girls in the past, and he did enjoy it, kind of, but did he ever feel like he wanted to spend the rest of his life with one of those girls? You guessed right, not ever. Not once did he think that he might be settling down with one of those girls. He did have that feeling every time he looked at Remus. Remus grounded him, he made sure Sirius was true to himself and that is what Sirius needed. Some to ground him, to steady him when he was falling apart. He needed someone to truly love him for who he was, not for the image or reputation he had. It was like Remus had the power to truly open Sirius’s eyes, to show him the wonders and beauty of this world. 

Sirius stared down at the blank piece of parchment on his bed, and he shook his head. He let himself get lost in new thoughts. He wondered what his family would do when they found out about Sirius’s sexuality. They would presumably find out about it not even a second after Sirius officially came out. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to that. The Blacks knew everything that Sirius was up to in the shortest period of time, they had people everywhere- and with people, Sirius meant his younger brother, Regulus. Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. He thought of all the pros and cons of him telling Remus about his feelings, he was rather quick to realise that there were more cons than pros. “I promised James, and I never break a promise,” he told himself, and he went back to writing, starting a new letter. 

Remus John Lupin,

Look I know, I’m not that great with things like love and big romantic confessions. You tell me every time I get a new girlfriend, and I’m sorry. I really tried to change all of that, but it didn’t happen. Something else did happen though, you see, I fell for you. Well, this did not exactly happen recently, let’s say, I think I’ve been in love with you for quite some time now, years even. You might hate me for it, you might think I am not capable of something like this, and I am sorry you feel that way about me. But I’m not going to keep this inside of me any longer, I need to say it. I am madly in love with you, Remus, and I cannot help it. So, is it really necessary for you to ask around who sent you this letter? Not really, I guess I can better say it. Well, it is me Moony. You’re mate, Sirius. Yes, I fancy you. I fancy you and your billion cups of tea at 3 AM, I fancy you and your knitted jumpers, you who folds your socks every night before you go to bed, you who will get grumpy whenever James and I are being too loud while you’re reading a book. I fancy messy you, sad you, angry you, sick you, tired you, I fancy you, Remus. Everything you are, I fancy it all. James told me that it would be easy to tell you how I felt, but it is not. It is the worst thing ever. You make me nervous. You, of all people! I know you’ll probably laugh at me and think I’m being silly, I mean, who is able to make Sirius Black nervous? Well Moony, congrats you’re the one. You’re the winner. 

It’s hard for me to tell you because I don’t know how you feel, I don’t know what I will do when I see your reaction. I just can’t lose you, Rem, I can’t. But that’s not the only thing. I’m scared of the reactions I will get from others, I am scared of what my family will say. I am scared to go back there this summer and face the consequences if I do decide to send this letter. Honestly, I’m scared of it all. An outcast, the white sheep of the family, the disappointment, not a true Black heir, a disgrace and now the word ‘homosexual’ can be added to that stupid list of things and names they can call me. I’m sorry I shouldn’t put this all on you, it is not your fault. You’re too good, even if you can’t see it yourself. I’m also afraid of loving you because I’m not even sure if I truly understand the extremely complex concept that is love. People always say: ‘when you know, you know’ right? With you, I like to think I know, but is that love? Or is it just a stupid little crush, a stupid little crush that I’ve been having since we decided to become Animagi to help you. I’m afraid I don’t understand the concept of love well enough to really be yours and to fully commit myself to you. I’m not even sure if you want to have me. Look, I understand it if you don’t, that’s okay, I think? I might be heartbroken for a little while, but I am not losing my friend over a crush, so you bet your magic arse that I will be there to annoy you the rest of our lives. No matter what will happen when you read this, no matter what you will do, we’re a team. 

Yours sincerely,

Sirius Black.

Sirius stared at the paper as he let the ink dry. This was the very first letter he actually finished. He’d written a couple before but all ended like the one before this one, without a proper ending. They were all written by someone ‘anonymous’, it was slightly odd that this one, where Sirius used his own name, was the one letter he actually finished. But he was never going to send this. This letter was too raw and too personal, he couldn’t send this to Remus. The poor lad would have a heart attack reading this. This letter was never going to see the light of day ever again. Sirius waited until the ink was fully dried down, he then closed the letter and put it away with the other letter. All the letters, concerning this very matter, were being stacked away in a little box Sirius kept hidden from the rest. Not many knew that there was a loose floorboard next to Peter’s bed. You could take it out and hide things underneath it, that is where Sirius hid the box. The male then endeavoured to write a few more letters, but all ended disastrously. In other words, the letters did not even have a proper ending so, instead of putting them with the other letters, Sirius burned them. After a little while, he decided to give up and join his three friends outside by the lake. 

James cheered loudly when he saw Sirius arrive, Remus looked up and gave Sirius this absolutely dazzling smile. It was like the softest smile in the history of smiles and it was a fact that only Remus Lupin could smile like that. Sirius wanted Remus to never stop smiling like this, he was gorgeous like this. As soon as Sirius’s eyes rested on Remus his mind was calm. The sun shone upon Remus beautifully and the hot beams highlighted Remus’s face in the most beautiful ways. “Hey Pads, finally done?” Remus’s voice brought Sirius back to reality, and he nodded, smiling at his three friends. “Pain in the arse, Transfiguration, but please don’t tell Minnie I said that. Otherwise, she might never smile at me again,” Sirius spoke in a very dramatic voice. He let himself fall down next to James and Remus. Peter handed Sirius a bag of peanuts and the young Black took some. “What have you three been up to?” Sirius casually asked. He genuinely tried so hard not to get too distracted by Remus, which was awfully hard as Remus was just sitting there, not having a clue of what he was doing to Sirius by being extremely handsome. Sirius thought it was not fair for someone to look that gorgeous at the age of sixteen. Compared to Remus Sirius himself felt like a mess. A beautiful mess according to a lot of girls, but a mess nonetheless. “Nothing much, Pads. Don’t worry, you did not miss out on anything,” Remus assured his friend and Sirius nodded. The four boys sat there in silence, only the sounds of the birds and the lake could be heard, and Peter’s chewing as well. Remus laid back in the grass, and he closed his eyes, letting the sun all upon his face as he lay in between the flowers. Sirius watched his friend lay back, and he was, again, in awe. Remus looked absolutely stunning already, but this truly was a wonderful sight. Sirius felt someone nudging him, but he ignored it, he was too captivated by Remus’s beauty. The young werewolf always spoke of his face as ugly, because of all the scars but Sirius was someone who actually found beauty in scars. Sirius had scars himself, both mental scars and physical ones. Sirius learned to live with them by telling himself that every scar had a story, they were a sign of survival, how harsh that reality might be to others, it was the truth. Every scar had a story, that’s what made them so special. Remus hated it when people pointed out his scars or even looked at them, but when Sirius did that it was okay. Sirius felt somewhat privileged in that way. The young Black heir just wanted to kiss each scar on Remus’s body and tell gorgeous carrier how wonderful he looked, that the scars did not make him ugly, not at all. They made Remus even more interesting, captivating and more bloody gorgeous than he already was. The nudging kept going on and soon Sirius realised that it was James Potter who was poking his sides with his wand. “What?” Sirius spoke in a slightly hushed voice as he eyed the Potter boy. James just stared his best friend in the eyes and arched his eyebrows up. “Nothing, literally nothing,” Sirius whispered, and he sighed deeply. “Mate, you know our deal,” James said back and Sirius nodded, he was still glancing over from his one side, where Remus was, to his other where James was practically breathing in his neck. “Potter, too close alright?” Sirius chuckled and he pushed his friend away a bit. Sirius plucked the grass as he kept thinking of ways to tell the scarred boy that he, Sirius Orion Black III, was deeply in love with him. The letters were certainly no option, he couldn’t even properly finish them, well except for one. Remus had often told Sirius that he wasn’t sure if Sirius was capable of love and that kind of commitment, and yes, it hurt Sirius every time his friend said it, but he knew that Remus did not mean it in a bad way. Sirius wasn’t even sure about it himself, committing to someone like that was a huge step, and considering everything Sirius has been through, he wasn’t completely sure if he was able to love someone like that. So, Remus did have a point. Remus just wondered if Sirius was ever going to settle down, as he basically had a new girlfriend even two or three weeks. Not that it was Sirius’s fault, the girls were all too clingy, they didn’t like it that Sirius spent more time reading Remus a book, because Remus was too tired to read himself, than he actually spent with them. But it also showed how well they actually knew Sirius, because he would, without hesitation, choose friends over lovers unless that lover was also your best friend, which made things rather complicated. Sirius kept his eyes on Remus, and he observed the male in silence while he was being observed by James Potter. It is kind of uncomfortable to have someone watch you this closely, especially because it was James, and he simply couldn’t do things without being extremely obvious. Or at least, he couldn’t do that with Sirius, the two knew each other too well. “Lads, I’m going to have to borrow Pads for a little while, we’ll be back soon,” James then suddenly spoke and Sirius looked at his best friend with a perplexed look on his face. “‘Course, go ahead, we’ll meet you two here again,” Remus said with his calm voice and his eyes still closed. Peter just nodded and finished the last of his peanuts. The two mischievous Gryffindors got up and walked off, leaving their two friends behind. 

Sirius looked at Remus as he was being pulled along by James. It was obvious that James wanted to talk to Sirius in private. The two often had these little moments where they would just take the other out on a little walk, and they would talk about everything and anything. James and Sirius had that kind of bond and it was an amazing thing. James truly was the brother Sirius always wished he had The two were now far away from Remus, Peter and any other students really. The young Potter stopped moving and Sirius did as well. The young Black heir looked up to his taller friend. James looked at Sirius, and he raised his eyebrows at the Black. “What? You have this look on your face,” Sirius said as he was being observed by his best friend. “You need to take some action, Sirius, it is very necessary,” James said and Sirius groaned. “Did you write a letter?” James then asked and Sirius shook his head, but he then remembered he actually did write a letter with an actual ending. “Wait, I did actually, but it’s horrible and it is messy and. I cannot possibly send him that letter,” Sirius explained, and he sat down. James dropped next to him and patted his best friend’s back. James opened his mouth, wanting to say something but Sirius interrupted him. “And no, I am certainly not going to tell you where I hid it.” James closed his mouth again and stared at his feet. He really wanted to help Sirius, and he knew that Sirius wanted all the help he could get, even if the male did not want to admit that. Sirius was one of wanting but not speaking it out, James figured that had something to do with his past. It was odd how Sirius was so confident and overly dramatic while walking through the halls but when it came to subjects like love, hate and fear he turned into this silent and overly timid person. It seemed as if Sirius was afraid to allow himself to love someone for real, that is how he acted anyway. James had been telling his friend to tell Remus all year long, but it didn’t happen. Sirius was still hopelessly daydreaming about Remus Lupin. “Sirius, are you afraid to be loved?” James then suddenly asked the young Black in all seriousness. Sirius looked up at James with big eyes, and he sighed deeply. Obviously James knew everything about Sirius, James knew Sirius even better than Sirius knew himself. It was kind of annoying at times, but he also loved James for it. “Perhaps,” the long-haired whispered. It almost was as if Sirius was afraid his fear of being loved would become reality if he said it out loud, that’s how soft the whisper was. Sirius did not want to feel like he needed love, he didn’t want to be desperate for it, but he was. Even though he wasn’t truly sure if he knew the true meaning of the word love, he still wanted it. “It’s okay to be afraid mate, you’ve been through a lot. I really don’t know how you feel right now but I can imagine confessing this to Remus must be hard. But please remember you should be proud of this love, even if it isn’t mutual. Remus making you feel like this will prove anyone wrong that said you weren’t capable of real love. You are, and being scared to admit the way you feel about him proves that.” James rubbed Sirius’s back to comfort his friend. “Remus said that,” Sirius whispered. James nodded and kept rubbing the Black’s back in circling motions. “I know Pads, but he doesn’t mean it like that. He knows very well how vibrant you are, and he knows that you are truly capable of love.” James would be there for Sirius, he would always be there. It wasn’t common in the Black household for anyone to talk openly about their feelings, the children were being taught to keep it to themselves and not to bother anyone else with it. They needed to be strong, to keep the image up, and they could not, under any circumstances, show weakness in front of others. That’s something that haunted Sirius, he couldn’t express himself properly, it was a problem for him really. People wondered why Sirius acted the way he did, they wondered why he had so many girlfriends and who he went from one to another in just a span of barely a month. Sirius wanted to be loved, he wanted to feel loved but he did not know how to ask for it. That was his problem. He never knew true love, never knew what it was like to have a loving family who listened and cared for you, how was anyone supposed to love him if his own family despised him for who he was. What kind of effect would Sirius’s coming out have on his family? Sirius also had to keep in mind that he would have to spend his summer at 12 Grimmauld Place. “Hey mate, I’m here for you alright? Obviously, I’m not going to hold you to that agreement we made. That would be cruel. If you’re not ready to tell him you’re not ready and that’s okay. You need to take your own time with this, just know that I fully support you. I am proud of you no matter what.” Sirius smiled softly at James as the messy-haired spoke these kind words to his friend. The two talked about some other things, such as Sirius’s home life, James’s crush on Lily, Sirius’s crush on Remus and some new ideas for pranks were being discussed as well. After a while, the two Gryffindors decided to go back to their friends. 

Dear Remus Lupin,

This is my first letter to you. For your information I won’t be stating my name in this letter, that would be way too awkward. I’m not sure if I were able to face you again if you knew my name. So, no, you will not find out who I am. I just wanted to let you know that I admire you. Admire, that’s putting it lightly, I actually think you are amazing. You are wonderful at everything you do, you’re so kind and gentle even though you say you’re not. You won’t be able to convince me of that. I like every little thing you do, for example, you sitting by the fire late at night while reading a book, or you running around after your friends to make sure they don’t get into too much trouble or even you studying in the library with Lily Evans. I like it all, love it all. To be quite honest with you, I think I’m…

His heart skipped a beat as he read the first letter over and over again. The handwriting was unlike something he’d ever seen before. It was swirly and just absolutely gorgeous. Remus couldn’t believe it, he kept staring at the paper, reading the last words over and over. “I think I’m,” the young werewolf whispered to himself, and he took a deep breath. He then remembered there were more letters, Remus then opened the next envelope that was addressed to him. 

Remus,

I’m just going to keep it simple, I think, or I hope. You see I’m not the best at this grand romantic gesture and all. As much as I would like to do something like that for you, I’m not sure if others would appreciate it that much. Romantic, I said? Yes I did. I’m just going to tell you, I like you. I like you a lot and…

Remus turned the letter to see if there was something written on the back of the paper. Nothing, these two first letters were not finished. He picked up a new one, there were about eighteen letters in the box he found, so he kept on reading. It was a good thing that the other three lads were out, because Remus wasn’t too sure what he would do if they found him in here, with all the letters.

Hi Remus,

I fancy you. I’m—

That was a short one, but it was rather straight to the point. There were a few letters left and even though Remus already got the message, he simply could not stop reading all the endearing letters.

Remus Lupin,

Hey you, I’m trying to tell you something here and I would really like it if you’d take your time to read this before going on a quest to find out who wrote you this. It’s rather personal, the thing I wrote in here. You might wonder who this ‘I’ is, well I’m deeply sorry but I will be keeping that too myself. I just figured, or actually my friend did, that it would be best to tell you. I have deeply fallen in l—

Remus read a couple more, they were all unfinished. Some letters were bold, some of them were romantic and some were serious or formal. But they all told Remus the same thing. It was a beautiful thing actually, to see the writer struggle with putting this into words. To see how the writer wanted to tell Remus but wasn’t too sure what to say and how to say it. That was until Remus opened and read the last letter. 

Remus John Lupin,

Look I know, I’m not that great with things like love and big romantic confessions. You tell me every time I get a new girlfriend, and I’m sorry. I really tried to change all of that, but it didn’t happen. Something else did happen though, you see, I fell for you. Well, this did not exactly happen recently, let’s say, I think I’ve been in love with you for quite some time now, years even. You might hate me for it, you might think I am not capable of something like this, and I am sorry you feel that way about me. But I’m not going to keep this inside of me any longer, I need to say it. I am madly in love with you, Remus, and I cannot help it. So, is it really necessary for you to ask around who sent you this letter? Not really, I guess I can better say it. Well, it is me Moony. You’re mate, Sirius. Yes, I fancy you. I fancy you and your billion cups of tea at 3 AM, I fancy you and your knitted jumpers, you who folds your socks every night before you go to bed, you who will get grumpy whenever James and I are being too loud while you’re reading a book. I fancy messy you, sad you, angry you, sick you, tired you, I fancy you, Remus. Everything you are, I fancy it all. James told me that it would be easy to tell you how I felt, but it is not. It is the worst thing ever. You make me nervous. You, of all people! I know you’ll probably laugh at me and think I’m being silly, I mean, who is able to make Sirius Black nervous? Well Moony, congrats you’re the one. You’re the winner. 

It’s hard for me to tell you because I don’t know how you feel, I don’t know what I will do when I see your reaction. I just can’t lose you, Rem, I can’t. But that’s not the only thing. I’m scared of the reactions I will get from others, I am scared of what my family will say. I am scared to go back there this summer and face the consequences if I do decide to send this letter. Honestly, I’m scared of it all. An outcast, the white sheep of the family, the disappointment, not a true Black heir, a disgrace and now the word ‘homosexual’ can be added to that stupid list of things and names they can call me. I’m sorry I shouldn’t put this all on you, it is not your fault. You’re too good, even if you can’t see it yourself. I’m also afraid of loving you because I’m not even sure if I truly understand the extremely complex concept that is love. People always say: ‘when you know, you know’ right? With you, I like to think I know, but is that love? Or is it just a stupid little crush, a stupid little crush that I’ve been having since we decided to become Animagi to help you. I’m afraid I don’t understand the concept of love well enough to really be yours and to fully commit myself to you. I’m not even sure if you want to have me. Look, I understand it if you don’t, that’s okay, I think? I might be heartbroken for a little while, but I am not losing my friend over a crush, so you bet your magic arse that I will be there to annoy you the rest of our lives. No matter what will happen when you read this, no matter what you will do, we’re a team. 

Yours sincerely,

Sirius Black.

Obviously, Remus knew these letters came from Sirius, he literally found the box after trying to look for his chocolate. The lads were known to steal Remus’s chocolates, especially Peter and this box happened to be hidden underneath the loose floorboard close to Peter’s bed. Remus thought he was the only one who knew about that spot, not that he used it for anything, but he figured that whenever he might need a spot he would have one. The letters were stuffed away in a little box with the Black family crest. Remus actually remembered Sirius getting that horrid thing. The young male got it for Christmas a few years back, two perhaps. It had been a snowy and cold night and the four boys decided to stay at Hogwarts, which took Sirius a lot of trying to convince his parents by owl to let him stay as well. The boy had been thirteen or fourteen at the time. This box arrived and when Sirius opened it there was nothing inside it except for a little card with one word written on it, ‘disgrace’. Seeing Sirius’s reaction to that little note had been horrible to watch. The poor boy immediately got tears in his eyes, and he tried to dry them and not to let it show, but he couldn’t hold it in, so he went upstairs, crying as he did so. Obviously James followed him to their dorm. The common room hadn’t been too crowded at that moment, so not many had seen what happened. After a little while, Remus took it upon himself to check on the two boys, so he made his way upstairs to their dorm. When he opened the door Remus saw a crying Sirius with red and puffy eyes in James’s arms who was holding him tight and telling him how amazing he was and how horrible his family treated him. It was at that very moment that Remus realised that he wanted to be that person for Sirius. He wanted to be the one Sirius would look for to comfort him. Remus wanted to be the one holding Sirius and telling him how beautiful he was inside and out. That was the moment when Remus realised he had fallen in love with Sirius Black. 

Remus read the last letter again, he then grabbed one of the other letters and compared the handwriting. The letter with Sirius’s name actually looked like it had been written by Sirius himself, but all the other letters were in a different handwriting. There were a couple of similarities, for example, the way Sirius always connected the letter ‘o’ with the letter that followed. Remus wondered if Sirius truly came up with a whole new handwriting for just these letters. Obviously, Remus loved the last letter the most. It was personal and really well, Sirius. He read it again and pressed the letter against his chest. 

It wasn’t that much later when Remus heard three familiar voices coming from the common room. James, Sirius and Peter were rather loud. Remus held Sirius’s letter in hand, and he made his way downstairs. He really had no idea what he was going to say, but he just had to see Sirius right now. There were so many thoughts and questions rushing through his head right now. For example, Remus wondered why Sirius kept it all a secret, and for how long this had been going on. He arrived in the common room and immediately looked at Sirius who gave him a soft smile until the Black realised what Remus was holding in his hand. Sirius went pale and his eyes big, he turned his gaze away and avoided Remus’s eyes at all costs. Remus made his way over to Sirius and towered over the smaller male. James and Peter had stepped aside to see how this was going to end. A few other Gryffindor students, who were sitting in the common room as well, were watching everything happen. “Remus-” Sirius mumbled almost inaudibly, he still wasn’t meeting Remus’s eyes. The Black was too scared to see Remus’s reaction, what if there was hate in his eyes or disgust? He couldn’t have that, he could not lose Remus, but he was afraid that he in fact just had. There was a silence, no one said a word, not even the students who were just sitting there, no one. Sirius was about to say something else when he felt Remus’s soft hands cup his cheeks and press their lips together. It caught Sirius off guard, and he would have fallen if it hadn’t been for Remus catching him. Remus’s lips were soft against Sirius’s plump ones. It was truly a magical kiss. Sirius was a bit light-headed at the moment, and he wasn’t truly sure if that was because of the kiss they shared or because of the lack of oxygen as the kiss was pretty intense. 

Several gasps could be heard around the common room when Remus initiated the kiss by pressing their lips together. Everyone had fallen silent, and they were watching the two males kiss, which was kind of awkward. It was pretty obvious that there was chemistry between the two, there always had been chemistry. Then someone started to wolf whistle at the two and people started clapping and cheering. There were some cheeky comments as well, but none of it mattered to the two kissing boys. They were in their own little world right now. All they knew at that moment was each other. They parted and stared each other in the eyes. “You’re in love with me?” Remus whispered against Sirius’s lip. “I am, very much,” Sirius replied and they kissed again. This kiss was a lot lighter than the last one, it was short but still romantic. “I am in love with you, Moony. I am so in love with you.” 

1980

Dear Sirius Black,

Remember how and when we got together? You better do because I will never forgive you if you don’t. I thought it fitting to write you a letter for our three years anniversary. It was exactly this date that you wrote your last letter, a week before we got together. I know it might be a bit too soon, but I have something to ask you. Please don’t freak out, just consider it, think it through. That day, exactly a week from now (which is when I will give you this letter), when I read your letters I finally opened my eyes. I finally saw us together, and so did you. Our horizons met, love. Ever since that moment, you brought me nothing except love and light, all of that light will lead me into the darkest of nights, I am now able to fight those nights because I know that you will be by my side. I am happy and proud to be yours, Sirius, I really am. I know, this relationship wasn’t easy for us, you had trouble with your family because of this and you were afraid. To be honest with you, I was scared that one day you would see me for whom I think I am, and I’m still scared of that, but I also know that you love me. I know the scars we have, they will bleed, they will heal and open up again because that’s how life works. But I believe, Sirius, both of our hearts believe that we can get through all of those tough times because we can. I am sure of it. All of the stars will guide us home Sirius, you are my star, you’re my home. 

I have something to ask you, Sirius, and please don’t freak out.

Yours for eternity,

Remus Lupin.

When Sirius looked up from the paper Remus was sat on one knee, holding a little box in one hand. “Sirius Orion Black III, will you marry me?” 

It was this night, exactly three years ago that the moon and the stars finally aligned. No longer did they cry, they were finally together. After so many exchanged words and letters, tonight was the night that they truly became each other’s significant others. The moon and the stars, proud to be together after all they’ve been through. 

[freddiefcknmercury]

A Promise(part 2)- Crimson & Clover

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader(Black coded/Genderless)

Word Count: 2.7+

Warnings/Disclaimer: SMUT. ANGST. cursing. mild depression/heart-ache. etc etc. if something needs to be tagged please lemme know.

A/N: LOL I'm back on my bullshit yall. heavy angst/depression from the previous Steve centered storyline so if you haven't read "You really think I didn't know?" I'll do some magic linky links here and at the bottom just in case. Also I'm trying something kinda different with the way I post the fics so feedback is welcome.

ALSO this one comes with a tiny playlist! there are Bolded lyrics throughout if you want to get a deeper sense of where I was emotionally writing this and where reader is as well you can Def give these songs a listen, they are in order of appearance:

Crimson & Clover- Tommy James & The Shondells

Every Time I Breathe- Arlissa

Navy Blue - Hasani

Summary: Bucky takes an extended leave for "work" related reasons and reader slips back into some dark places in his absence...

~*As always, be Nice to me I’m Delicate*~

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

He said he might be gone most of the week. Sam called the day before and all you know is it's something important. He didn't go into detail, just packed a bag and you'd never seen him do that before. But he was also only gone a day or two at a time and never felt the need to tell you about it before now either.

Up until recently you'd tip-toe around each other. Not like you used to with Steve though, worse. Bucky is a lot better at making sure you don't know he's there until it's too late. It felt like you'd never get used to each other, or more likely that you'd never want to. You might've still been secretly hoping that he'd stop caring and go away... after a while you got tired of your own bullshit and realized he's giving off that vibe on purpose. Wordlessly telling you how you should feel about him, not wanting to get too close. You never much liked being told what to do.

It was only about two months before you became a Barnes' expert. You'd sit up at night listening intently for when he'd shower, get in bed, or wake up. He never slept more than five maybe six hours at a time, you'll never understand how he can function like that. You know how he likes his coffee, which angle he holds his cup. How and where he takes off his shoes, how much ice he puts in a drink, the way he likes to cut his toast, and what time he has to do all of it. There's an almost unnerving pattern to him, one that's always been there and you were just unwilling to notice for so long, and you're not sure if he's even aware of it.

You woke up to him already gone. You knew he was leaving but actually being left alone like that unsettled you more than you anticipated, a serious case of Deja vu. You went into your routine like normal, because everything still was, but by the fifth day... you stepped into the front room and got that empty feeling. One you hadn't really had since...

It stopped you for a few seconds longer than you liked and a large knot formed in your stomach. You spent the whole day trying to ignore the feeling but it only got worse. Like a hunger pain but much more vague, crawling through each muscle. You'd catch yourself staring at his room, Bucky's room but also... Steve's. It's the first time you let yourself admit to him fully crossing your mind in over a year.

You laid up in bed, trying to count the metaphorical sheep to no avail. Getting up thinking that a snack or a warm drink will stop the restlessness, you pause in the tiny hallway shared by your bedrooms. The low blue light from the moon outside dustily illuminating the space through  a cloudy bathroom window. You stare at the door like any second he's going to ask what you're doing up so late and you can tell him to mind his own business while pouring two cups of tea.

You just wanted to touch the knob; turn it to make sure it still works- that you're still "allowed in there if you want". But stepping inside was too far, an invasion of Bucky's privacy, and you felt it. But you couldn't help yourself. You needed to know.

They were definitely cut from the same cloth. Sparse furnishings and no decorations, save a few very small trinkets he'd held onto from who knows where. There is exactly one row on his bookshelf filled with composition notebooks that were beat to hell and back. Sticky notes lined the edge of most of the pages, so much so that they easily could've been mistaken for feathers on a quick glance. You dare not touch them. Observing someone with a past that checkered is very different to reading into the things they deem worthy of physically writing down.

Where Steve used to leave small drawings and notes Bucky left half empty ink pens and a few well used pairs of gloves. You saunter to the far corner of the room and caress a worn leather jacket hanging precariously on the lowest peg of a coat rack. Doing a slow sweep of the space something in the otherwise barren closet catches your eye. The knot in your stomach that had almost disappeared was back and it brought friends. Your shirt. His shirt. The big one that said BROOKLYN across the front, what you didn't know was your "going away gift." The one you balled up and shoved in the top corner of his closet, at the time hoping you'd never look at it again. You're amazed that it's still here, that Bucky hadn't tossed it out or tried to give it back to you when he moved in.

So you put it on. You're still not sure why but you needed to wear it. To feel it drape over your skin, enveloping you in warmth and that beautiful clean familiar scent you... loved once. It sent a shiver down your spine. The knots in your stomach were gone but now there's one in your throat. You can feel the tears seated right behind your eyes. You sit on the bed holding your face pleading with the water to stay put but it's too late. You miss him. You hate to admit it, but it's true and it always has been. You're angry and you should be, you loved him- you thought he might've loved you. Pulling the hem of the shirt up you wipe the tears off your face and fall into a pillow, trying to calm yourself out of your rage unintentionally drifting into sleep.

*****************************************************

You wake up to the sound of music in the kitchen.

...Ah, now I don't hardly know her, but I think I could love her...

You sit up quickly checking your phone: 11:34am. You'd fallen asleep in Bucky's room, in his bed. A blanket had been placed over you and a short scan of the room returned a brown leather duffel bag and set of black boots that weren't present last night. He'd come back early this morning and found you here. You can feel your heart fall straight out of your ass, the void that was left being filled with pure embarrassment. Is he angry? He did tuck you in...

As slowly and quietly as possible you make your way towards the door, poking your head out just enough to assess the situation. You can see his back in the kitchen, he's hovering over the sink. You notice the couch, the spare blanket and pillow from the bathroom closet folded neatly on one of the arm rests, he had to sleep there. The void gets deeper. You pull the door open just enough to slip out of and there's a quiet creak. Steve never did fix that, and you just figured out why.

Bucky didn't turn around but definitely noticed. He steps to the side, now in front of the stove and you here something crack and sizzle. You're not sure what to do here. You can try to apologies and explain but there's no un-embarrassing way out of this one. You fold your arms over your stomach trying to hold all your very delicate pieces together while you attempt to speak up. Finally reaching the bar and fully prepared to say good morning when he quickly sets a hot bowl down in front of you. White rice and a fried egg- runny yolk. You'd make it for breakfast when you'd get up early or couldn't sleep, a friend from school put you on to it. Looks like he's been studying you too. You make eye contact but, just briefly. From what little of the expression you get on his face nothing indicates that he's mad. But he hasn't said anything to the contrary either.

How was your trip?  Dangerous I bet-sorry you couldn't come home and sleep in your own goddamn bed! Oh?! AND you made me breakfast!

You feel like a crazy person.

"Comfy last night?"

He's pouring himself some coffee, not yet turning your way. There's no hostility in his voice.

You chuckle nervously.

"Yeah.. sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it."

He sets a small glass of juice down in front of you. Heavy eye contact this time, but his expression is soft. He didn't ask for an explanation and you really didn't want to give him one. But you still feel guilt looming over you. You take the glass in both hands and nurse it.

He nods at you with a squint, taking a big sip of coffee.

"If I knew that was yours I would've given it back."

The shirt. You forgot you actually put it on. You hold your breath stroking the fabric gently. Contemplating your next words.

"It's not- well, not really."

He raises an eyebrow.

"It was a gift, so I guess it does belong to me..."

Glancing back down at it you can see him realize it says "Brooklyn." His expression changes to a knowing one and it reads like regret but he quickly tries to box it back up for you. This is a new move for him.

There's a much longer pause in conversation than either of you would like before he shifts his weight awkwardly.

"Sorry."

You push glass, now empty back across the bar towards him.

"Don't worry about it-"

You swivel in your seat quickly, taking your bowl and getting up to leave. He steps out from the kitchen after you.

"Thanks for breakfast."

The tears had been welling up and started to pour over as you left. You're still in no state to pretend to be a functioning person right now. Trying to save him from your ugly cry face by escaping but he grabs your shoulder gently suggesting you backwards.

You cover your mouth to hush a sob. You can see your chest start heave but there's nothing you can do to stop yourself. He grabs the bowl setting it down carefully, then you feel a warm metal sensation squeezing the back of your neck.

"You don't have to be over it."

He's been back a couple hours and already knows you're still a mess. You scoff, laughing at yourself really.

"What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing."

He whispered back quickly, exasperated, but tender.

You sniffle; pathetic.

"That's not how it feels."

"He fucked up. He just doesn't know it."

He wrapped his arm around your shoulders pulling you into his embrace.

It's nice to feel another person. A real solid human being; you can't remember the last time you hugged someone like this. You turn in his arms to face him. He looks tired. Not just 'had-to-sleep-on-an-old-couch' tired. Emotionally repressed. Maybe he has actually wanted to talk to you. He pulls you into him, it's just a hug  but it almost hurt how sweet this was.

Then a thought came to you, not really sure how, you can't handle more rejection right now; but you kissed him anyway, hard. Like him being gone almost killed you- because it did. He pulls away from you, just a little, reading your face his own expressionless. You search his eyes for any kind of hint as to what's going on inside his mind. You're not ready to admit this was a mistake yet. There's no real way to know how long you stood there like that. You only dare to move after you hear the song change in the background.

Words... thought they just fade away

but hurt... gave them a place to stay

"Do something."

You were sure it was just in your head but it creaked out past your lips in less than a whisper, pleading with him.

He covered your mouth with his, smoothing both hands down your neck to your shoulders gripping them gently, intently. You cling to his waist almost afraid to explore anywhere else, then slowly drag nails along his back. He pulls you back into him, you want to fuse with the warmth radiating off of his body, he bends and you collide onto the floor with a muffled thud. He cradles your head quickly so you don't get hurt but you wouldn't care at this point.

The way you fit into each other is unnerving, like your bodies weren't meant for anybody else. You both scramble to undress him in between breathy wet kisses and he's... magnificent. He pulls off his shirt and you swiftly run fingers from his neck down each arm. The metal one is warm, this surprises you for some reason. You watch as each "muscle" dances at your touch and you catch a small glimpse of something on his face that resembles insecurity... or fear. He shelves it quickly in response to you bucking your hips up to dismiss your underwear.

He buries his face in your neck, warm breaths ghosting your skin. Hooking his hands behind your knees he hoists your legs up around his waist. He bites down gently and you gasp. It's too much. He's everywhere, all at once. The last person to touch you event remotely close to this was-

"...Steve."

It just came out, you almost didn't notice it. Bucky stops, pulling back and away. He scans you, a pitiful, panting mess on the floor. The most vulnerable you've probably ever been and definitely in front of him. He shakes his head slowly once, chest heaving.

"No."

Knots line your stomach once again. He grabs your wrist to hold your arms in place up above your head and presses his forehead against yours.

"Look at me."

You hold eye contact there for a solid minute, you're sure of it. He leans forward delicately dragging teeth against your ear.

"You're gonna keep saying it until you can't forget."

He drops his hips and lines up with your entrance. You feel a thick wash of euphoria from the pressure, throwing your head back as much as possible given the floor. You roll your hips along to his, cradling each other perfectly.

His eyes didn't leave your face until you both feel your legs begin to tremble.

"Oh Bucky."

The only words you can remember.

You feel every stroke hasten and all his muscles tighten each time his name falls from your lips. He pulls your shirt up to your neck looking to spatter kisses and bite marks across your torso. You futilely dig one set of nails into the floor and the other in his shoulder as he hungrily growls into your stomach, cursing, longing for mercy.

"Fuck."

You pull him back up to your face demanding his tongue. You hear the floorboard creek from the pressure of a metal hand, the flesh one surely bruising your hip by now. There's a deep enduring moan from the back of his throat as he finds his release inside you. You gasp at the sensation and you both pant into each other, nothing but a mess on the floor now.

He presses a long, firm kiss into the bridge of your nose then falls gently on his back beside you. You roll your head up to look at his face, whatever it is he's feeling isn't immediately obvious as he stares up at the ceiling. You shift onto your side placing a light, cautious hand on his chest and he glances over at you, reaching to squeeze your thigh reassuringly.

The sky is Navy Blue soon to be baby blue and baby you got nothing but time...

He looks over your face in a deep sigh before retiring his gaze to the ceiling.

"I don't know him... The guy that left you like that."

You watch intently has his jaw clenched, he's never been able to hide that bit very well.

"I don't know what kind of..."

He trails off, clearly upset.

You sigh deeply.

"I was gonna die that night."

He rolls his head back to look at you.

"The day I met him? I had pretty much made up my mind."

You start to fiddle with the hem of your shirt. Almost reminiscent.

"But he found me in the staircase..."

You hate how subtly he did some things. If you weren't lying next to him. There's no way you'd ever be able to tell his breathing had changed.

"Essentially-"

You pick your head up, chin on his sternum.

"He saved my life."

You state matter of factually. You watch his body relax in a short, bitter way.

He rolls his head over just enough to look you in the eyes. You kiss his chest once tenderly before moving to stand up. You extend a hand down for him to grab.

"That isn't good for your back."

"You really think I didn't know?" Part1

[shadowhuntertrash]

High Notes

Chapter Nine

I dont own the character they belong to Cassandra Clare

There was a lot of buzz before the concert and Thomas couldn’t help but feel the excitement that was radiating from everyone. They were supposed to start the concert in about an hour and a half, they had split the concert evenly between the three bands, making sure that it was truly a shared concert and not one of them being the opening act. 

   The Merry Thieves were playing first tonight, then Beautiful Cordelia, and lastly Alastair. He hadn’t seen Alastair or the girls but he was currently sitting in a room with Matthew, Christopher, and James.

   They had a tradition from when they started as YouTubers with ten followers, to always have the same face paint in every video, they all had meanings behind them that the fans didn’t know about, though most of them had come up with theories as they became more popular.

   Matthew always had a glass of spilled wine that covered his eye and fell down his face in a way that looked like blood. He had a problem with underage drinking since he was about thirteen. His parents weren’t really around and he didn’t have a good reason to stop, his friends had always tried to talk him out of it but it had never worked. The only reason he stopped was after a talk with Will, James’ father. No one knew what Will had said, neither of them would talk about it, but since that day Matthew hadn’t touched alcohol, and Will all but adopted Matthew after the conversation.

  Christopher had a broken beaker with bubbling green liquid fizzing over, a testament to his love of chemistry and science. Christopher had always loved science but often blew things up, it wasn’t because he was bad he was actually very smart but he was ahead of his time more often than not. A lot of the kids at school would bully him for it, lock him in the back lockers, tear pages out of his books, mess his experiments up on purpose. It had gotten bad for a while and Christopher had given up science for about two months before Anna had managed to pull him out of his slump. He had chosen the beaker as a way to say he was proud of what set him apart and he wouldn’t allow people to put him down for that anymore.

  James had black wings that went sideways over one cheek and ended on the opposite side of his face, black feathers burnt on the edges and some on fire littered his other cheek. He wore it as a symbol of growing up in the shadows of his parents. He had always been the black sheep of his family, though he certainly acted like his parents at times. He also wore it as a proud sign of depression, a battle he had fought for a long time. He would have days where he was so out of it he hardly recognized anyone and it was like he was being dragged down. Eventually, his friends had pulled him out of it, mostly Matthew and Lucie, and he found his footing again. That was when they had started the band.

   Thomas had a large compass on the side of his cheek, the hands were vines and a red rose was blooming in the middle of it. It was a symbol for when he lost his way and started getting into trouble. Thomas was a good person at heart but sometimes people come into your life and knock you off track. He had gone to Paris one year and had gotten into a lot of trouble, it had been worse because he didn’t know how to tell his parents so instead he just didn’t come back. After he missed coming home and refused to answer anyone, Barbara found him, when he questioned how she had just glared and said that she had her ‘ways.’ She talked some sense into him and he went back, it taught him that there were always people there, and he should never be afraid to go home. The compass he had chosen to say that he had found his way, the arrow pointing north to his home.

   The boys had decided that they would go talk to fans before the concert, there were always fans that got there early and stood outside the doors. Thomas followed Christopher, James was on Matthew’s back, laughing loudly as Matthew took off down the hallway. Christopher turned to him with wide excited eyes and Thomas rolled his eyes in mock annoyance.

   “Wait come back.” Thomas called down the hallway, squatting so Christopher could jump on his back. Matthew spun around and jogged back to where Thomas stood, straightening up. Christopher was relatively small so it didn’t take much strength to carry him.

   “Race!” James shouted excitedly, Matthew wooted and stood next to Thomas who was laughing. Matthew raised an eyebrow at Thomas, a joyful grin on his face. “You’re going down Lightwood!” Thomas rammed his shoulder into Matthew who stumbled a little, Thomas lagged and Matthew stuck his tongue out. “No cheating!” James said from Matthew’s back, he was grinning lazily at Thomas, a relaxed expression that was very seldom on his face.

   Thomas looked forward. “You’re on.” Christopher laughed and started counting down slowly. “Three, Two, One!” Thomas and Matthew took off. Thomas stumbled for a second, not used to the wait and Matthew took it as a chance to get ahead of them. Thomas took off after him, Christopher laughing and clinging to Thomas for dear life. 

   Thomas pulled to the lead, the advantage of having long legs. Thomas looked behind him to Matthew who was cursing and speeding up, Thomas laughed and looked back in front of him just in time to turn around a corner and run straight into someone. 

   He fell backward, Christopher shrieking as he went down with him. Thomas turned mid-fall, trying to avoid landing on Christopher. He landed with a large thump and heard Matthew and James laughing hysterically at them. Normally Thomas would have laughed too but he was too busy trying to get air back into his lungs, all of it having been expelled when he landed squarely on his back.

   He turned to look at Christopher to make sure he was okay, he heard him laughing and laid back down. Christopher got up and started talking to the person they had run into, Thomas just stayed on the ground willing the air to come back to his lungs. After a second Matthew and Alastair were standing over him. 

   Matthew was still laughing but Alastair looked rather concerned. Thomas sat up slowly coughing and thanking god he could breathe now. “Are you alright? I would say sorry but I rather fancy that was your fault.” Thomas laughed and Alastair laughed with him. 

   Thomas was well aware of how red his face was, last he had seen Alastair he was being asked out and left standing there like a fish, opening and closing his mouth dumbly, now he was sat on the ground having run Alastair over in a stupid race.

   “This is so embarrassing.” Thomas groaned, his hand rubbing the back of his head where he had hit it on the concrete floor. Alastair laughed and shook his head, his hand coming down to help Thomas up. 

   “Where were you going so fast anyway?” At this Thomas forgot his embarrassment and turned to look at Matthew who still had James on his back. “This does not mean you win!” Thomas said, pointing his finger at Matthew. “I fell, that does not mean you win. It doesn’t count as a forfeit or whatever thing you were going to say.” Matthew stuck out his lips in a pout. “But Thomas.” He said in a whiny voice, Alastair was watching the exchange with amused eyes and Thomas shook his head firmly.

   “Sorry no I win, isn’t that right Alastair.” He said turning to Alastair, faking confidence to shake off the lasting effects of his earlier embarrassment. Alastair nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yes, very much so.” Matthew groaned. “That’s not fair, you can’t ask your boyfriend! He’s biased!” Thomas blushed again, his embarrassment renewed, as Alastair laughed. “Not yet. Where are you going?” Alastair asked Matthew, nonchalance rolling off him in waves. Thomas wondered if Alastair was aware he had just given him a heart attack. 

   James turned his attention to Thomas, a wicked smile spreading across his face. “Not yet?” He mouthed, amusement dancing in his eyes. Thomas just glared in response.

   “We’re going to see the fans before the concert.” Matthew said, dropping James back on his feet. Alastair’s face lit up. “Oh, that’s my favorite part! Can I come?” He asked, the question was directed at Thomas but Christopher beat him to it. “More the merrier.” He said, quite literally skipping down the hall towards the big double doors that led outside. 

   Matthew and James started walking, Matthew gave Thomas a pointed look before grabbing James’ hand and pulling him faster so they were a few paces ahead of Alastair and Thomas. Thomas could feel his palms sweating and took a deep breath before looking at Alastair with a smile on his face.

  “You know, you never actually heard if I agreed to go out with you.” Alastair tilted his head, a playful smile resting on his lips. He stopped walking and winked at Thomas. “Oh my dearest Thomas Fabian Lightwood, would you do me the greatest honor of going on a date with me.” Thomas laughed loudly, something told him that he should be embarrassed but the scene in front of him was too funny.

   “That is most certainly not my middle name but I think I will.” Thomas said through his laughter, Alastair beamed at him and continued walking to the door considerably closer to Thomas now.

   They were greeted by about a hundred screaming fans as they walked out. Thomas turned to Alastair with a disbelieving smile and he just clapped a hand on Thomas’s shoulder with a laugh, something that could be passed off as friendly Thomas noted gratefully. 

   Alastair turned and went to talk to a girl who looked to be about eighteen with an “I <3 Alastair” poster. Thomas smiled at the way Alastair’s face was lit up, completely comfortable in this environment. 

   “Thomas! Thomas!” He turned to look at who was screaming his name and saw a woman who was holding hands with a girl who looked to be about five years old. He walked over with a smile and crouched down so he could be more level with the girl. “And what is your name?” He asked with a kind smile, the girl was buzzing with excitement. “I’m Talia!” She said, a large slightly toothless smile plastered on her face. “It’s my birthday.” She said quietly watching him with wide eyes as if the excitement were wearing off and she was getting shy.

   He laughed and flashed her a large smile. “I have a question, it’s important so don’t just say something to please me alright?” She nodded enthusiastically and Thomas laughed making eye contact with her mother who was watching the interaction with a fond smile. “Alright, do you like Alastair or The Merry Thieves better?” He asked and watched her face scrunch up in thought.

   “I love you but I love Alastair a lot.” She said, her face distressed as if she genuinely couldn’t decide. Thomas laughed and nodded. “I will be right back, okay?” He said winking at her, she nodded furiously and he smiled turning away.

   Thomas walked up to Alastair and said hello to the boy he was talking to. “Do you mind if I steal him for just a second?” Thomas asked the boy who looked disappointed but nodded anyway, a starstruck look on his face.

   Thomas pulled Alastair gently by the elbow over to the Talia whose eyes had gone triple the normal size. “Oh.” She said quietly as Thomas crouched back down in front of her, Alastair followed his lead shooting a look at Thomas silently asking him to explain. Thomas turned to Alastair with a warm smile, “Well, it’s Talia’s birthday today and she loves you more than me.” He let out an exaggerated sigh and Talia started protesting immediately.

   Thomas laughed loudly and patted her head. “It’s alright I’m quite fond of him too.” He said, throwing a secretive smile at Alastair who was watching him fondly. “So Talia, I was thinking we could sing you happy birthday?” Talia squealed loudly and then tried to play it off by clearing her throat, Thomas laughed and ruffled her hair.

   Talia’s mom grabbed her phone quickly and started recording while Thomas looked at Alastair before nodding and they started. As they sang the people around them sang along and before they reached the second line the rest of the Merry Thieves and the crowd were singing along. There were tons of cameras on them and Thomas couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up when it suddenly got really quiet when they sang Talia’s name due to only a few people having heard it.

   When they were done Alastair smiled widely at her. “How old are you Talia?” She beamed at him. “I’m six.” Thomas smiled, he hadn’t been far off. Alastair smiled at her as he stood up. “Well happy birthday sweetie, I hope you enjoy the concert.” Alastair gave Thomas a look and without question, Thomas took over talking to her as Alastair leaned over to whisper something in Talia’s mother’s ear.

   “What do you want for your birthday?” He asked secretively, Talia just watched him with wide eyes. “To meet you.” She said simply, a shy smile resting on her face. Thomas felt warmth blossom in his chest and reached over to hug her gently. “I’m very glad I got to meet you today Talia.” She giggled and held on to him while he rubbed her back.

   Alastair crouched next to them with an excited smile. “Talia, since it’s your birthday and you decided to come and spend it with us, would you like to see us again after the concert? We can hang out a bit?” Talia was silent for a minute staring at Alastair as if he had just offered her the moon, she turned to her mom with her mouth open and she laughed. “I’m fine with it Talie.” She said, running a hand through her daughter's hair. 

   Talia squealed and launched herself into Alastair’s arms nodding. Alastair laughed as he landed on the ground, the force of Talia flinging herself on him knocking him off balance.

   They hugged her one more time and gave her backstage passes for after the concert before heading off to say hello to more people before they had to go back

   Thomas greeted about ten more fans before Matthew was dragging him back inside. He laughed as he stumbled, trying to keep himself upright at the speed Matthew was going. “I’m coming give me a second!” Thomas said after tripping on the raised bar that separated the inside and outside.

   It was a rush of lights and sounds as they all got ready. Cordelia, Lucie, Anna, Alastair, and surprisingly Jesse had all stopped to wish them good luck before they went out on stage. They were currently backstage watching the fans from where they were tucked away in the shadows of the stage. 

   Matthew was bouncing on the balls of his feet and James was laughing at his excitement while Christopher just stared in wonder at everything. Thomas felt that nervous flutter in his stomach again but was pleasantly surprised when he realized his excitement was winning out.

   They were on in two minutes and Matthew turned to them with a big smile. “Huddle.” He said and the boys laughed as they made a circle, their arms over shoulders. Thomas was between Matthew and Christopher, bending down to accommodate for his height.

   “I would just like to say gentlemen,” Matthew said in a noticeably quieter voice that informed the other boys it was about to get sappy. “That no matter what happens out there I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone but y’all.” Thomas brought his hand up to Matthew’s hair to ruffle it slightly as Christopher smiled at them and voiced his agreement, James kissed Matthew on the cheek and turned to everyone. 

   “I love you guys more than anything and I know we’re going to rock it tonight.” He gave Thomas a pointed look as he said the next part. “There’s no reason to be nervous and we’re all right there so just know we’ve got your back.” Matthew nodded and Christopher clapped his shoulder. Thomas beamed at them wondering how he got so lucky to have these three as his best friends.

   “I’m proud of all of you. I really am, just look how far we’ve come.” Thomas said in a gentle voice, gesturing with his head at the crowd and stage. Matthew laughed and James looked at all of them. “I’m proud of y’all too. It took a lot to get here.” James said and Thomas couldn’t disagree.

   Christopher put his head in the middle and they all put their heads together. “Let’s rock this.” Christopher said and Thomas could hear his smile even if he couldn’t see it. They all shouted their agreement and broke the huddle. Anna was standing there looking at them fondly.

   She came up and ruffled his brother’s hair before flinging her arm around Matthew’s shoulders. “Knock ‘em dead boys.” She said and Thomas smiled at the proudness she felt in her voice. It always was the best feeling to have Anna be proud of you.

   Thomas grabbed James and Matthew’s hands and James grabbed Christopher’s, they all squeezed their hands and smiled at each other. “Let’s do this.” James said and with that, they all strode onto the stage.

   The crowd had already been loud but the screams were deafening when they saw the boys walk on stage. Thomas couldn’t help the giddy excitement building up in his chest. This was real. This was happening. 

   Matthew adjusted the microphone and waved at the crowd who screamed again in response. “Hello! I’m Matthew Fairchild and we’re the Merry Thieves.” He had to pause as another wave of scream washed over the crowd. Thomas could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. This was real, this was real, this was real.

  “We’re so glad to be here today thank y’all for welcoming us!” Another wave of screams and applause rang out and the boys all shared a disbelieving look. “Okay! I do believe we should get this started don’t y’all agree?” More screams. There were a few girls in the front who were all screaming at Matthew with signs that said ‘Marry me?’ and ‘#1 Fairchild Stan’ which Thomas didn’t actually understand.

    Matthew winked at the girls who started freaking out. “Okay, this song is called Bang!” There were cheers from everywhere and Thomas smiled at the crowd before moving to the electric piano that was off to the side. He started the song as James and Christopher started clapping and Matthew smiled at the crowd as he began singing.

I get up, I get down and I'm jumping around

And the rumpus and ruckus are comfortable now

Been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to grow

Bang! Bang! Bang!

So I got an apartment across from the park

Put quinoa in my fridge, still I'm not feeling grown

Been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to go

Bang! Bang! Bang!

(Here we go)

   James and Christopher start playing their respective instruments and the crowd screams as the drums and guitar filter through.

So put your best face on everybody

Pretend you know this song

Everybody come hang (come hang)

Let's go out with a bang

Bang! Bang! Bang!

I'm way too young to lie here forever

I'm way too old to try so whatever come hang (come hang)

Let's go out with a bang

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Feel like I'm gonna puke 'cause my taxes are due

Does my password begin with a one or a two?

Been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to grow

Bang! Bang! Bang!

(Metronome)

Man, I'm up to something (up to something)

Ooh de la de do, thank you all for coming (all for coming)

I hope you like the show

'Cause it's on a budget (on a budget)

So ooh de la de do

Yeah, come on, here we go

Yeah, come on

(Here we go)

So put your best face on everybody

Pretend you know this song

Everybody come hang (come hang)

Let's go out with a bang

Bang! Bang! Bang!

I'm way too young to lie here forever

I'm way too old to try so whatever come hang (come hang)

Let's go out with a bang

Bang! Bang! Bang! (Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!)

Bang! Bang! Bang! (Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!)

Been a hell of a ride but I'm thinking it's time to go

So put your best face on everybody

Pretend you know this song

Everybody come hang

Let's go out with a bang

Bang! Bang! Bang!

(Here we go)

So put your best face on everybody

Pretend you know this song

Everybody come hang (come hang)

Let's go out with a bang

Bang! Bang! Bang! (Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!)

I'm way too young to lie here forever

I'm way too old to try so whatever come hang (come hang)

Let's go out with a bang

Bang! Bang! Bang!

(Here we go)

Bang! Bang!

   Thomas watched as the crowd screams and claps. Thomas couldn’t really get a good breath in but it’s not like his panic attacks it’s almost a good feeling. Thomas watched as he sat back on James’ drum platform as Matthew starts addressing the crowd again.

   James smiled at him and puts his hand over his microphone as he leaned forward to talk to Thomas. “You doing okay?” He asks just loud enough for Thomas to hear, Thomas looks around again and nods turning his head back to James. “God yes, this is magical.” James laughs and nods in agreement as Matthew finishes talking. 

   James shoos Thomas away and he goes to pick up his guitar. He looks over to the side of the stage and pauses momentarily when he sees Alastair, Cordelia, and Lucie sitting there watching them. Lucie and Cordelia wave with bright smiles on their faces while Alastair meets Thomas’s eyes and wink giving him a thumbs-up gesture. 

   Thomas laughs lightly and points at him before he looks at Christopher and nods signaling them to start. The notes start filtering in and Thomas can’t help sending one last look towards Alastair.

There once was a bittersweet man and they called him, "Lemon Boy"

He was growing in my garden and I pulled him out by his hair like a weed

And like weeds do he only came and grew back again

So, I figured this time I might as well let him be

Lemon Boy and me started to get along together

I helped him plant his seeds

And we'd mow the lawn in bad weather

It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him

So, I got myself a citrus friend

But soon his bittersweet started to rub off on me

You'd think smelling like lemon zest would be pretty neat

I found out that my friends are more of the savory type

And they weren't too keen on compromising with a nice lemon pie

So Lemon Boy and me, we just gotta get along together

I helped him plant his seeds

And we'll mow the lawn in bad weather

It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him

So, I got myself a citrus friend

But what if I run out of fertilizer?

What if the clouds run out of rain?

What if Lemon Boy won't grow no longer?

What if beaches dry of sugar cane?

Oh well

The whales start to beach themselves

Tortoise shells tear away from their spines

It happens all the time, it happens all the time

Lemon Boy and I, we're gonna live forever

Like Snufkin and little my, we'll get around wherever

Lemon Boy and I, we're gonna live forever

Like Snufkin and little my, we'll get around wherever

It's actually pretty easy being nice to a bitter boy like him

'Cause we're the bitterest boys in town

Yeah, we're the bitterest guys around

And I got myself a citrus friend

   Thomas watched as the crowd erupted into cheers again and couldn’t help thinking that this was a dream. He pinched himself and laughed maniacally when he felt a small pain. This was real. He was really here with his friends.

   He turned to look back at Alastair who was now clapping and screaming on his feet while Lucie and Cordelia jumped excitedly. Thomas shook his head.

   This was real.

[stargazedmoony]

Excerpt from a story I’ll never write: The ‘Outsider’.

With a slight frown between his eyebrows, Sirius turned in front of the mirror. Never in his life had he shown this much skin— how could he when his school uniform only consisted of long trousers? He was glad to be alone, because he was sure that if Peter had seen him like this, he would have laughed right in his face. The three other marauders had left him that morning; James and Peter were at the Quidditch Pitch and Remus was most likely to be found in the library, drowning in one of his beloved books.

Sirius was wearing a plaid skirt in shades of light and dark blue and a bit of white, topped by a simple plain black sweater that he had borrowed from James. The sweater was a little too big for him, because James was both taller and broader than he was. He tried to tuck the sweater into the skirt, but that made the skirt look rather distorted. He then tried to tuck it in only at the back, which looked a little better. At least the sweater looked less big that way.

He sighed, feeling out of place for doing what he was doing. It was Mary’s fault.

They first came up with the idea on a drunken Saturday night when the common room was throwing a party to celebrate the victory of winning the Quidditch game against Hufflepuff. Mary was wearing a sparkly red dress and Sirius made a comment about how he thought dresses and skirts seemed like the most comfortable thing in the world to him. Not only that, he also thought they were pretty too, for both girls and boys. He didn’t tell Mary this, but the angelic girl had probably figured it out, because she said: “I can lend you some, if you want? Oh, you would totally rock them, I just know it!”

Sirius had laughed off the comment, but when he woke up the following Sunday morning with a bit of headache and many vague memories of the night before, the memory with Mary was the only one he could clearly recall. He didn’t tell Moony where he was going that morning. The boy wanted him to stay in bed and cuddle, but Sirius went to find Mary and he found her in the Great Hall, already having breakfast with Lily and Marlene.

“Mary!” he called out. She gave him a threatening look. “You raise your voice at me like that one more time and I will make sure you—”

Marlene giggled. “She had too much to drink yesterday, don’t worry about it,” she interrupted Mary and told Sirius. Sirius laughed. He then lowered his voice. ‘Do you— uh, do you remember what we talked about yesterday?” he asked Mary. Marlene and Lily seemed to notice they weren’t invited to the conversation and turned to each other.

Mary shook her head slightly. “I don’t—” Then her tired eyes widened. “You really want to try?” she gasped. Her lips formed into a huge smile. Sirius pursed his lips together and nodded shyly. “If you’re okay with me burrowing your stuff?” he asked uncertainly. Mary put a hand over her mouth. “Oh, that’s so lovely! Of course!” she said happily. Lily and Marlene looked at them curiously, but Sirius ignored them. Mary lowered her voice again. “Come to my dorm room later, I think I have something that’ll fit you. Or we could always use some kind of spell for that.”

Sirius smiled at her. “Thanks, Mary!” he said. “I’ll see you in a bit, gotta get back to the dorm. Remus is—”

“—Missing you. Of course.” Mary giggled. “Honestly, if you two don’t get married, I’ll eat both my feet.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, a playful smile on his lips. “You’re putting me in quite a dilemma right now,” he said, to which Mary laughed and slapped his arm. “Oh, get lost, you.”

And here he was. It had been a couple of days since Mary had given him some of her skirts. She’d also put some jewellery in the bag as well and some makeup products, but Sirius hadn’t quite figured out how to use them yet. He knew how to work with an eye pencil and he had managed to make his eyes pop a little more, but how on earth was he supposed to apply eyeshadow? He should definitely ask Mary this once he saw her again.

Sirius looked at the other two skirts he had tried on earlier. There was a long, dark red one, almost brownish. The colour was absolutely stunning and it reminded him of the Gryffindor colours, but the skirt fell slightly below his knee and he felt like it made him look shorter than he was. He had then tried on another short skirt, but it didn’t quite suit his body shape, or so he thought at least. It was a simple and plain, black skirt, a tight fit.

No, the blue one was his favourite. The colours sparked his eyes and it made his legs look long and elegant. He chuckled slightly at the sight of his leg hair. He could understand why girls would shave their legs to wear skirts, but honestly, it didn’t bother him that much. He didn’t think it would bother him if girls didn’t do it either. Everyone had body hair, after all.

He tried on a delicate white pearled chain. Cute, he thought as he stared at himself in the mirror. He didn’t think he looked girly at all. There was something about the outfit that made him feel light, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Maybe it was all the free space between his legs or maybe it was the exciting atmosphere in the room that he could feel blazing up against his skin. He wasn’t sure how to feel— there was just something about this look. He had never quite understood the tumult around boys wearing skirts. Wasn’t everyone allowed to wear whatever they wanted? Who even came up with those kind of dress codes?

Sirius turned again to look at his legs from the back. He smiled. He looked good. Sure, it was a bit unusual to see himself like this, but Merlin, did it make him feel glorious! He had always been one to break the rules and live life to the fullest, but the thing here was that the disapproval of boys wearing skirts wasn’t supposed to be seen as some kind of rule to be broken. He wondered how much courage it would take of him to walk out the dorm room like this. A lot, he thought.

There was a soft knock on the door. “Shit,” Sirius muttered. He launched himself onto the bed, stuffing Mary’s things back in the bag she’d given to him. “Wait up!” he said loudly. “I’m changing!” He wasn’t quite ready for James or Peter to see him like this. Moony was different, but still— what if he scared him away?

“C’mon, it’s me,” a voice chuckled. Moony. “I’ve seen you change before. Why’s the door locked anyway?”

“No, wait, I—!”

“Alohomora.”

The door clicked open and Remus stepped in, his eyes looking across the room and landing on Sirius, who was still sitting on his bed, his legs pressed together and the skirt high up his thighs. “Bloody hell, Moony,” he said, rolling his eyes dramatically. “So much for privacy.”

“Oh, please, you big baby,” Remus chuckled. “We sleep together. You have no privacy anymore.” His eyes darted to Sirius’s bare legs and suddenly Sirius felt the heat rising to his cheeks. Never had he felt so exposed in front of his Moony before. “Oh, fuck’s sake,” he mumbled. He scratched the back of his head. “You were not supposed to see—”

“Are you wearing makeup?”

Sirius bit down his bottom lip, not knowing where to look. “Maybe,” he said.

“And the skirt— is it yours?”

“It’s, uh… no. But you weren’t supposed to—”

“You look beautiful.” Remus looked at him with a smile on his lips.

Sirius’s jaw dropped and he felt his face burning with embarrassment now. “Are you serious?” he asked breathlessly. He got up, straightening the fabric of the skirt and looking back in the mirror. Remus chuckled. “No, you’re Sirius,” he said playfully. “I am just one hell of a lucky boyfriend. What— what gave you this idea though? Or who did?

“Mary,” Sirius said and he turned around to look at Remus. “We were drunk and oh, well. She gave them to me to try them on. But I— I’m not so sure what to think yet.”

Remus smiled softly at him, eyes blazing with pride. He shuffled closer and wrapped his arms around Sirius’s waist, turning him back around to the mirror. “Well, how does it make you feel?” he asked.

Sirius looked from Remus’s face in the mirror back to his own body. His muscular but skinny legs, the black fabric of the sweater hugging his small hips in perfect harmony with his broad-looking shoulders. The pearls around his neck glittering white against the black sweater, his fingers encircled by several stainless steeled rings— never silver, because Remus couldn’t bear it. He was wearing his hair up in a bun, so that some of his piercings were sparkling in the dim light of the dorm room.

I still look like myself, he thought. I’m still Sirius. The small matter of him wearing a skirt didn’t change the fact that he was still the same person and still felt the same way as always, and suddenly he found that that was what he had been so afraid of; that he might lose a bit of himself in trying something that felt like such a big of a deal to everyone around him. And once he realized that, he found himself covered in happy chills all over his body.

It was never about everyone around him. He could handle them like he had handled his family all his life as well— being the outsider as he was to them, carrying the names ‘blood traitor’ and ‘black sheep of the family’ on his back. But they didn’t matter. It were his feelings in all of this that mattered.

A smile cracked around his lips as he said, a little surprised but in full honesty: “I’m comfortable.”

Remus started smiling too, looking at Sirius from tiptoe to face. He smiled his pearly white teeth with happiness for his boyfriend, who beamed in his arms. “Then that is it,” he said to the long-haired boy. “That is all that matters.”

Sirius nodded softly. He turned around to face Remus and kissed him on the lips. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“For what?”

“For not turning away.”

“Turning away? Why would I ever do that?”

“Oh, you know. Not everyone is the same about boys in skirts.”

“Oh, my darling.” Remus wrapped his arms even tighter around Sirius’s figure. “Don’t you know how brave I think you are? You are redefining the ideal of masculinity. You are the future, Padfoot. And I would also like to remind you that your dear mother would absolutely kick your arse if she saw you like this.”

Sirius laughed out loud, the joy in the sound filling the room with happiness. “Now, that is all that matters,” he joked. Remus chuckled at this and locked their lips together once again. “And I can’t help,” he mumbled against Sirius’s lips, pushing him backwards onto the bed. “That it turns me on to see you like this.”

“Oh no,” Sirius pouted. “Is it too much skin for your hungry eyes?”

Remus let go of his shoulders to look him in the eye, his fingers running across Sirius’s thighs. “It’s not necessarily the skin that’s turning me on, Pads, nor is it the skirt,” he said, looking rather thoughtful. He fiddled with the fabric of Sirius’s sweater in between his fingers, feeling Sirius burning hot under his touch. “It’s your loyalty to being so true to yourself and… and it’s your confidence too. Sometimes I wish I could be brave like you, you know?” Remus blushed, looking down at Sirius with a look of affection and admiration. “But you do make me feel a little more brave just by letting me stand next to you.”

Sirius bit his bottom lip. “You know, you dazzle me when you talk like that,” he said, looking up to his Moony in awe. “I don’t think I’m half as brave as you think I am.”

Remus’s tongue flicked across his teeth as he bent over Sirius again, kissing the boy’s neck and leaving traces of passion and endearment. “Show me then,” he whispered in Sirius’s ear, having Sirius’s chest almost explode with butterflies. His hands found a way to Remus’s neck, pulling him closer, always pulling him closer and kissing him below his ear, saying: “Lock the door then.”

by: @stargazedmoony :)❥

[futurewriter2000]

Farewell Revenge - pt.3

A/N: I have a great idea for this serie to turn out.

XX

Your fist flew across his cheek and caused his whole body to hit the floor. 

It shook his whole existance as he tried to get up from the floor. His hands pushed him up but it was his core muscles that were too numb to make him lift himself up. He felt tingles everywhere. His toes slipped and he fell back on his face. 

“Bloody hell.” he cursed under his breath and could feel the iron on his tongue as the inside of his mouth started to bleed. His tooth was hanging by the nerve, agony causing his head to spin as he touched it with his tongue. 

Healthy tooth, healthy nerve, abbhorent pain from the pulp of his tooth to the back of his head. 

He knew you had a temper. He knew you would yell, shout and insult him. He knew you would seethe and snarl but what he didn’t know about you that you would preger a hand instead of a wand. More than that, he didn’t expect you to be a fighter.

Before he could look up, your lips were at the edge of his earlobes. He could feel the warmth radiating from them and then... then came the seethe. “Keep testing me, Black and a chipped tooth won’t be the only thing you’ll get.” 

He looked over his shoulder, blue fire burning resentment. It was a glare, a stare piercing acrimony throught your soul. Though his eyes were giving you a death penalty, his strenght was still numb from the pain. 

You were gone. You were gone and he was on the floor where the rest of the students were gaping at the Gryffindor whose ego was chipped away, just as his tooth. 

He felt someone’s hands lift him up on his feet. He knew who it was. Who else but his best friend? 

He leaned on him, as he always seemed to do as James held him up, as he always seemed to do. Remus was standing beside Peter, not really understanding what had happened, despite his fast thinking. And just like Remus, Peter couldn’t do anything but stare as well. 

Sirius didn’t speak a word but when he could feel gaining his strength back, he walked on his own. 

James didn’t look at him any differently. He knew that this was not only Sirius’ being beated by a girl. This was Sirius, the brave, cocky Gryffindor being beaten by a Ravenclaw. It was the house pride that made Sirius not speak a single word until he came into his room, grabbing an ice pack his way there and pressing it on his cheek. 

If the professors found out, there wouldn’t be just house points that would be taken away. There would be expulsion because Hogwarts does not tolerate violance and after he said to you, provoking you, taunting you... the least thing he expected was a punch straight in the jaw. 

But why a punch? Why hand? Why not a wand?

You came from a respectful foreign family. Wealthy, traditional...just like him.

Or at least that was what he heard from other people... or was that what you told other people about. 

A Ravenclaw...

The wheels in his head started to spin faster and faster. The tooth inside his mouth hanging from his nerve and stabbing the left shadow in his head. 

“That’s enough.” He stood up, feeling a twirl of the room as he did. He grabbed a flossing string, wrapped it around a doorknob and the other around his tooth which caused him scowling like Remus on a full moon. 

James stood by the door, holding the doorknob and trying to supress the excitment in his hidden smile. “Ready?” 

Sirius could see the smile emerge into a beam. He smiled at his best friend and nodded. “I know you can’t wait for it, you twat. Just do-”

James slammed the door and the tooth flew out, causing the whole room to spin into other dimensions and shapes until darkness fell upon him and he slammed face down on the floor. 

For Sirius it was only a second before he opened his eyes and all of his friends were above him, James laughing with Peter meanwhile Remus tried to ignore the laughter in his throat. He wanted to come out as a worriesome, caring kid, just as he always did but it was only when Sirius opened his eyes that the laughter finally escaped his throat. 

“Aw, Merlin.” Sirius pressed his palm on the side of his head. “How long was I out?” 

“Like a minute or so.” Remus said, helping him to sit up. 

“Thought I dropped dead for a second there.” Sirius continued to rub the side of his head, his eyes in a terrible ache. 

“Sirius Black, cause of death: toothache.” Remus chuckled. 

Sirius couldn’t laugh though. As much as he would there was something still stuck in his head. No, not something. Someone. 

“How much do we really know about (y/n)(y/l/n)?” he asked out of the blue, causing the other three to stop their laughter and stare at him. 

“What?” 

Sirius rubbed his pams over his eyes and tried opening them, seeing only black spots until the vision cleared. “I mean...” he blinked a few times, adjusting to the light. “How much do we know that she is actually from a wealthy, traditional, respectful foreign pureblood wizarding family? What if she’s just a Muggleborn?” 

“I mean... everybody knows her family.”

“Do we? All we heard was what she told other people.” Sirius continued and Remus wanted to object but those brain of his were quick to interfere and contemplate Sirius’ words.

“Why are you so suddenly interested in her?” James started to tease. “Do I smell plotting?” he rubbed his hands together as his eyes sparkled with mischief. 

“No but she knows. She knows about us and about Remus- I don’t know how but she knows. She has the upper hand on us.”

“But she hasn’t told anybody.” James countered.

“Yet.” Sirius added. “We can’t prank her, she’s too smart for that and she knows far too much about us. I can’t just let her humiliate me in front of everybody and make them think I’m going to be degraded by a Ravenclaw. I’m degraded enough as it is. A blood-traitor, being disowned by my cursed family. I can’t handle more humiliation as well but if I know one thing about her. One dirty little secret, I can make all of that go away.” Sirius was hopeful in his eyes, begging their friends to help him.

He knew how he sounded. He sounded pitiful and pathethic but he wanted to prove that he wasn’t. He wasn’t a shoe being tossed around, especially by a Ravenclaw like you. He just wasn’t. He was so much more than you made him be today.

And he wasn’t one of those boys to hit a woman. He couldn’t do that. Not after what his father did to his mother, no matter how much she treated him and Regulus, he still knew that women shouldn’t be hit. 

But he wanted to hit you. Not physically. He wanted to hurt you like you hurt him today. He wanted to show you how it feels, hurting somebody’s pride. Degrading, humiliating, embarrasing them... making them show everybody in their weakest form. 

That’s what he wanted to do.

He wanted to kill your pride and ego as you did to him. 

“She’s a Muggleborn.” it was more of a statement than a theory. 

“And she doesn’t want anybody to know.” Remus interfered, analyzing every detail in his head. 

James let out a scoff, throwing his head back and hoping this was all just a joke. “You can’t be ser-”

“Think about it, Prongs.” Sirius cut in. “She used a hand. She didn’t press her wand on my throat or threaten me- let alone hide away like usual wealthy pureblood spoiled rats do. You come from a pure blood line of family, Prongs. Would you use your hand, growing up in a wizarding family?” 

“Or maybe you just pissed her-”

“Would you?” Sirius persisted. “I wouldn’t, knowing all the spells and hexes I was thought as a kid, observing them on my parents. And the way she spoke to me about her family-”

“She’d be more accepted by the Slytherins and the Ravenclaws since they have the highest percentage of purebloods than Hufflepuff and Gryffindors. Like Sirius said, she’s too smart. She knew excatly in her first year that if she said she was from a Muggleborn family, that she’d be degraded and embarrased, looked down on but if she said she came from a foreign pureblood family nobody has heard of, she’d be accepted easily.” Remus interfered, his wheels spinning. 

“Even if her family isn’t pureblood, we don’t have any proof and it’s not our place. You know how I feel about this pureblood mania, Pads.” James continued to look at his friends.

“I don’t either but she knows about us, Prongs. She thinks she has the upper hand on us by knowing. It’s excatly what makes her a bloody Ravenclaw. But if she knew about us knowing about her, we’d be the one who had the upper hand. “

“It’s not fair.” 

“It is.” Remus snapped. “I don’t want anybody to know about me, Prongs. I could lose everything if she told. I could lose EVERYTHING.” he now shared the same look as Sirius. “It is fair if we can have just as much power to ruin her as she has to ruin us. You wouldn’t understand because you and Peter don’t have any dark secrets like Sirius and I do. We have so much to lose.” Remus pleaded with his tone of voice.

And there James was, the usual leader of the group wanting nothing more but be a sheep for once and be hidden in the background. His father tought him to be better than this but it was either all together or none at all. 

So he gave in. All together.

“Fine. I’ll pull some strings.”

[erisbaek]

Stucky Fic Rec [Part One]

So I decided to split the fic recs up into parts because they will be too long otherwise. In each part I will link the Google Doc that I am typing them up in, which is where I will constantly update as I read.  Within these fic recs, they’re mostly my preferences, so very few (if any) Shrinkyclinks, and ABO fics will be within them, as well as shorter fics, since I actively seek fics out that are longer than 10k (and completed)!!

The Google Doc Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10wqr5s-CzkFzLidQgt-y4-cjudHWwVeVPWCedMjK7t0/edit?usp=sharing

The first part is formatted under the cut, if you’d prefer to stay out of the doc!

Lightning in a Bottle 

    Word Count: 63k     Rating: Explicit     Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Road Trip!AU, Angst with Happy Ending     Warnings: Smut, Smoking     Synopsis: The problem, Steve thinks, isn’t so much his motorcycle giving up the ghost on a lonely stretch of highway through a lonely stretch of the country. He doesn’t mind stretching his legs or the prospect of hitchhiking. The problem is the roiling black blanket of storm clouds slowly spreading itself over the landscape headed his direction… Steve Rogers is looking to hitch on a highway abandoned by everyone smart enough to avoid a looming storm. Bucky Barnes is the professional storm chaser who offers him a ride.

It gets more complicated from there.

Perspective and Truth

        Word Count: 16.7k          Rating: Teen and Up         Notable Tags: Bodyswap!AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort        Warnings: None        Synopsis: Bucky and Steve end up swapping bodies and learning a lot more about each other in the process

Carbs and Conversations

         Word Count: 48k          Rating: Teen and Up          Notable Tags: Hockey!AU, No Powers          Warnings: None          Synopsis: Bucky was just looking for a chance. A chance to get on the ice and play. A chance to escape from Hydra. A chance to redeem himself. He didn't include 'A chance to be friends with Steve Rogers' on the list. That would be ridiculous. Lucky for him, Steve seemed determined to be ridiculous.

So Loud and So Clear

           Word Count: 26.6k            Rating: Mature            Notable Tags: Get Together, Slow Build            Warnings: None           Synopsis: Bucky had been careful, after all, leaving no trace of his comings and goings. It was horrendously disappointing to know that Rogers had found him. Bucky was a lot better than getting caught by a guy who wore the American flag as a onesie. He just really was. “Don’t you – Bucky – Bucky,” Rogers started, and to Bucky’s growing horror, it looked like Rogers was on the verge of some type of emotional eclipse. Anger, sadness, something, and Bucky wanted nothing to do with it. “Hate to break it to you, bud, but I don’t remember ever living here and I don’t remember you.”

A Loyal Viewer 

           Word Count: 36.1k            Rating: Explicit             Notable Tags: Camboy!Steve, Punk!Bucky, No Powers, Long Distance            Relationship            Warnings: Smut            Synopsis: At almost exactly eight thirty in the evening, Steve settles on the bed before his camera and the computer. He signs into his account on Chaturbate and clicks the button that starts his stream.

In My Conditions, Love’s the Best Physician

             Word Count: 9.1k              Rating: Not Rated              Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Pharmacist!Bucky, Russian!Bucky              Warnings: None              Synopsis: ”This situation is a little more delicate because I don't even know if he speaks English and I'm tired of going down to the pharmacy for constipation medication and allergy pills when I haven't sneezed since 1941.” Steve shouts. The room falls silent, and he turns back around to find four pairs of stunned eyes watching him. Tony, as always, speaks first. “He?” - Or the one where Bucky is a hot pharmacist and Steve keeps making up bullshit reasons to go see him.

Rare Is This Love (Keep It Covered) 

               Word Count: 66.7k                Rating: Explicit                 Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Mechanic!Bucky, Slow Burn                Warnings: Smut, Canonical Character Death                Synopsis: It's 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.

Looking For A Place To Hide

                Word Count: 33.3k                 Rating: Explicit                 Notable Tags: Endgame Fix-It, 2012!Steve                 Warnings: Smut                 Synopsis:  It's 2012 and all Steve knows is that another version of himself said Bucky is alive. Steve will do anything to get his friend back, even if it means time traveling to 2023. He expects Bucky to be happy to see him, but instead he's wary, hurt. Turns out his Steve had left him for Peggy. How? Why? Steve can't believe it. Now he'll have to find a way to make sense of it all, and convince Bucky that it's the two of them to the end of the line.

The Wolf and the Sheep

               Word Count: 50.5k                Rating: Teen and Up                Notable Tags: Shield Agent!Steve, Winter Soldier!Bucky                 Warnings: None                Synopsis: Steve Rogers is a SHIELD agent who is recruited for a secret project: Becoming a handler for the Asset. Steve’s world is thrown for a loop when he discovers the Asset is an actual person and he needs to figure out who he is and what he’s going to do.

All Those Little Pieces

                 Word Count: 40.5k                  Rating: Mature                  Notable Tags: Alternating POV, Post CATW                  Warnings: Smut, Panic Attacks                  Synopsis: Steve has never forgotten Bucky Barnes. Not their childhood together, not the horror of the moment Bucky fell too far for him to reach, and not the way he's loved him all the while. Bucky has forgotten everything about Steve, at least at first. But there's still a feeling there, warm in his chest—and maybe now that he's found his way back to Steve Rogers and his sunny apartment, there's a chance it might turn into something more.

My Dear

                   Word Count: 29.9k                    Rating: Explicit                     Notable Tags: Post CATWS, Recovery                    Warnings: Smut                    Synopsis: The Soldier stares down at the floor, breathing hard through his nose. “And you still wanna fix me,” he says. Steve shakes his head. “There’s nothing to fix, Buck. I just want to bring you home.”

Living On My Own

                    Word Count: 26.1k                     Rating: Mature                     Notable Tags: Vigilante!Bucky                      Warnings: Blood and Gore                     Synopsis: James Barnes is back in the world and finds that not only has there been 1) an alien invasion, but 2) Howard Stark had a kid. One that dispenses unsolicited life advice, no less. Oh, and 3) Captain America is alive again, after getting himself killed by his own recklessness in a move so stupid only Steve could have come up with it. In which James learns to do laundry, turns into an accidental neighborhood vigilante and makes Tony Stark a happy grease monkey, all while he figures out where to stake his claim.

Chase the Lighting From the Sky

                      Word Count: 39.4k                       Rating: Explicit                        Notable Tags: No Powers, Age Gap, Farm!AU                        Warnings: Smut, Past Character Death, Animal Death                       Synopsis: If Bucky has to be stuck doing this ridiculous summer work program before his senior year of college, on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, then at least he’s got a hot as hell cowboy for a boss and host. Steve Rogers, owner of the Truth & Justice Ranch, is what Bucky’s completely theoretical but very imaginative bisexual fantasies are made of. Steve’s a widower though, and a nice guy in need of help, and no doubt 100% straight… so Bucky’s gonna work his ass off and keep his head down. But neither Bucky nor Steve are prepared for the friendship that forms between them as they work side by side. And they certainly aren’t expecting the budding feelings, confessions, and passions that summer heat and the loneliness of the great open plains stirs in each of them. What rages to life between them will shake each man to his core and will linger long after the storms and the summer have passed.

Cinder and Smoke

                       Word Count: 51.7k                        Rating: Explicit                        Notable Tags: Sheriff!Steve, Blacksmith!Bucky, Old Western                        Warnings: Smut, Period-Typical Homophobia, OC Death                        Synopsis: “They say there’s no law in Parasapa. Is that true?”

Art Thief, Heart Thief

                       Word Count: 58.8k                        Rating: Mature                        Notable Tags: FBI!Steve, Thief!Bucky Barnes                        Warnings: Smut                        Synopsis: Agent Steve Rogers is facing a series of art thefts that has him stumped, and looking for a break in the case. Convicted art thief and general high end criminal Bucky Barnes wants to make parole and happens to know all of the right people who could make Steve's job easier. So they strike a deal, mutually beneficial and entirely business. But a few days undercover, an undeniable growing chemistry, and some ill-timed Feelings entering the mix, and all bets are off.

Laws of Thermodynamics 

                       Word Count: 14.6k                        Rating: Explicit                         Notable Tags: Post CATWS, Recovery                         Warnings: Smut                        Synopsis: He never had to relearn how to love Steve Rogers. It might be the one thing he never forgot.

Abstract Art

                       Word Count: 26.6k                        Rating: Teen and Up                        Notable Tags: Friends to Lovers, Artist!Steve, Ex Sniper!Bucky                        Warnings: None                        Synopsis: They survive almost a year of torture together, cells side by side, banter and teasing and stories. They keep each other alive. Then everything changes. They tell Bucky that Rogers's been killed. He tries to piece his life together, to move on. Steve owns an art store. He's given up looking. It's over. Except it's really not.

We Discovered Gold

                       Word Count: 18.7k                        Rating: Explicit                        Notable Tags: Post CACW, Fix-It, Wakanda                         Warnings: Smut                        Synopsis: “So you got these safe houses scattered all over Russia?” Steve jokes into the soft hair over Bucky's temple, not pulling away, “Or did we just get lucky?” Bucky shakes his head and then replies, “Got myself a few. It’s been a long two years.” “Yeah pal,” Steve nods, burrowing further, “I hear that.”

Never Mind to Hold 

                      Word Count: 21.6k                       Rating: Mature                       Notable Tags: Soulmate!AU, Not CACW Compliant, Soulmarks                       Warnings: Brief Suicidal Ideation                       Synopsis: Steve didn't know the name of Bucky's soulmate. He wasn't even sure when it had appeared across Bucky's heart. But Steve knew it wasn't his name hidden under that patch.

Where There’s Smoke 

                      Word Count: 95.1k                       Rating: Explicit                        Notable Tags: Firefighter!AU                       Warnings: Smut                       Synopsis: Steve is a Brooklyn firefighter who is about to be saddled with a new, rookie crewmate. James Barnes is that rookie, just looking for a fresh start at a new station. Steve's friends think they know what's best for him...start dating his new crewmate. Steve thinks they're crazy...or possibly right. But events from James's recent past may pose a threat to any designs they have on each other.

Let Them Eat Cake

                    Word Count: 31k                     Rating: Explicit                      Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Pastry Chef!Steve, Sommelier!Bucky                     Warnings: Smut, Drug Use                     Synopsis: Steve picked up the piping bag and returned to the ramekins. Bucky left, though not without shooting one last look at Steve's wide back. Bucky could already tell Steve Rogers was trouble, not even counting the near-religious experiences he inspired among the staff. It wasn’t that Bucky didn’t appreciate him as well; he did. He just tended to appreciate people he found attractive from afar, because explaining the metal arm was hard, and because he didn’t really know how to handle letting someone in close. But that wasn’t why Steve was trouble, not really. Bucky wanted to know why their new pastry chef had gun calluses on his right hand.

Adrenalize Me 

                  Word Count: 58.5k                   Rating: Explicit                    Notable Tags: Vampire!Steve                   Warnings: Smut, Blood                   Synopsis: Leaning against the side of a wall, taking an indolent drag of a cigarette, there he stood. Watching Bucky with an inscrutable gaze. Staring at Bucky for long seconds, the blond seemed to consider him before breaking the silence. “You know, nice guy like you walking alone at this hour – people might think you were looking for trouble.” Trying not to shudder at the sound of that voice, which wrapped around him like smoke, Bucky managed a smirk, lifted a brow. “Well, if I was, it looks like I found it.” Two strangers meet in a dark club. One just happens to be a vampire.

The Change in Us 

                 Word Count: 23.4k                  Rating: Explicit                  Notable Tags: N/A                  Warnings: Smut                  Synopsis: “I’ve found your BFF,” Stark says without preamble. “My… what?” “James Barnes. Winter Soldier. Bucky. I don’t know, I don’t care, but right now he’s perched on the roof of the next building with a gun on me, and it’s not so much my idea of a relaxing afternoon, so could you get down here?” Steve hangs up and starts running.

Things That Go Bump in the Night

                  Word Count: 38.2k                   Rating: Explicit                   Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Ex Army!Bucky                   Warnings: Minor Smut                    Synopsis: Many an odd critter and item have ended up on the front porch of the property Bucky house-sits in the Middle Of Nowhere, but a bleeding blond man is a first. A short inspection reveals the man to be none other than Steve Rogers; ex-Captain America, vigilante, and a wanted fugitive. Steve’s stay of a few days of recovery is prolonged, under instructions for him to lie low until the Avengers can sort out the mess that has become the Sokovia Accords. Bucky is pretty sure that he’s committing an act of treason by providing Steve a place to stay. He is also pretty sure that lengthy interaction with Steve makes one prone to impending headaches and possibly ulcers. And he is certain that he is, very assuredly, in danger of falling in love with Steve.

The Soldier’s Revenge

                 Word Count: 76.4k                  Rating: Explicit                   Notable Tags: Canon Divergence, Enemies To Lovers, Slow Burn                  Warnings: Smut                  Synopsis: Bucky Barnes turns himself in to SHIELD two years after dragging Captain America out of the Potomac River. He was deprogrammed in Wakanda and has been hunting down Hydra ever since, but he needs help if he wants to take proper revenge on his captors. He turns to his old enemies: SHIELD and the Avengers, but it'll take more than a few words to win their trust after the Winter Soldier brought SHIELD to its knees not long before. Now at SHIELD's mercy, the only thing that stands between Bucky and his revenge is the approval of Captain Rogers: a self-righteous asshole that Bucky barely knows.

The Best Way to Wake

                  Word Count: 42.2k                   Rating: Explicit                   Notable Tags: Canon Divergence, Slow Burn                   Warnings: Smut                   Synopsis: James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Wait, Captain!” “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something. “Captain, we need to keep him in stasis—“ “I said get him out!” In which Bucky Barnes lay frozen in the Alps for seventy years only to be woken up a year after Steve Rogers was uncovered from the Arctic.

Latte Art and Slow Dancing in the Dark

                    Word Count: 89.5k                     Rating: Explicit                      Notable Tags: Age Difference, CIA!Steve, Barista!Bucky, Sugar                            Daddy!Steve                     Warnings: Smut                     Synopsis: Bucky is a somewhat well-adjusted former army sniper that got his shoulder blown out. He took his discharge and went home to finish school and is working on his international relations masters. His best friends and roommates (Nat & Clint) are CIA agents and tip him off that their local Sbux is hiring. He gets a job there and meets none other than the hottest guy on earth. So how does one get a date in the most top secret government location in the US? What happens when that guy is more than just a hot dorito and wants to give Bucky everything he wants? Bucky is going to have to figure out his shit and fast. That's what's up.

Laughter Lines

                   Word Count: 100.2k                    Rating: Mature                    Notable Tags: Bodyguard!AU, Slow Burn                    Warnings: None                    Synopsis: Bucky Barnes is a rising Hollywood star with a tragic past and a reputation for driving his bodyguards away. Steve Rogers is a veteran with the same tragic past and the need to get back out in the world. The two of them have been estranged since they were teenagers, so when Steve joins SHIELD as a bodyguard, he is less than thrilled when he finds out that Bucky is his first assignment. But how bad can it be? They're both professional adults, right?Wrong.

From Hydra with Love

                   Word Count: 21.2k                    Rating: Mature                    Notable Tags: Spies!Steve and Bucky                    Warnings: Smut                    Synopsis: Captain Steve Rogers is one of the best spies in the world - a marksman, a martial artist, an expert in strategy and tactics. There's not a lot he can't handle. Heck, he's even saved the world once or twice. So why does every run in with the mysterious Winter Soldier leave him feeling like the Bond Girl?

Goddamn Electric

                Word Count: 67.8k                 Rating: Explicit                 Notable Tags: Bodyguard!Steve, Musician!Bucky                 Warnings: Drug Use, Alcohol Use, Smut                 Synopsis: Steve Rogers works for a discreet private security company and gets assigned to James Barnes, a musician who takes the idea of 'sex, drugs & rock 'n roll' just a little too seriously.

There Was Something About Steve Rogers

                Word Count: 46.7k                 Rating: Explicit                 Notable Tags: Post CATWS                 Warnings: Smut, Panic Attacks                 Synopsis: The Winter Soldier knows Steve Rogers has deep feelings for Bucky Barnes, and decides that he can use that to his advantage to gain protection from the Hydra agents still trying to find him. What he didn't bargain for was actually starting to care about the man they call Captain America, or the strength of Bucky Barnes' memories as they begin to resurface.

Through the Mist

                Word Count: 14.5k                 Rating: Teen and Up                 Notable Tags: Soulmate!AU, Post CATWS                 Warnings: None                 Synopsis: He usually kept it covered. Whether it be with long sleeves, a cuff of some sort, or make up Natasha skillfully showed him how to apply. He didn’t cover it up because he was ashamed or because he was one of those people who didn’t like others knowing who his soulmate was- no. He covered it up out of respect. Respect for his fallen partner, and respect for himself because he knew looking at those swoopy lines of James B. Barnes on his wrist always made him crumble like his legs were kicked down. When he crashed into the ice all those years ago he thought he was going to see Bucky again- he thought he was finally going to be with Bucky without people giving them ugly looks and throwing slurs their way. He thought he was going to be happy again.

Take Me Home 

              Word Count: 78.1k               Rating: Mature               Notable Tags: Shrunkyclunks, Veteran!Bucky               Warnings: Smut, Torture, Referenced Suicide               Synopsis: “I’m so sorry, I’m gonna help you I promise, just don’t move, fuck, I ran over Captain America–” the man apologized, over and over, and all Steve managed to say was, “You’re really attractive,” before passing out on the guy’s lap in the middle of the road.

Where the Circle Ends

               Word Count: 29.8k                Rating: Mature                Notable Tags: Zombie Apocalypse!AU                 Warnings: Smut, Gore                Synopsis: In which the world has gone to hell in a zombie apocalypse handbasket and, in the middle of it all, Steve finds the one person he never thought he'd see again. Angst and feelings (amongst other things) ensue.

Our Souls (They Were Made to Last) 

               Word Count: 53.8k                Rating: Mature                Notable Tags: No Powers, Veteran!Steve, Doctor!Bucky, Ghost!Bucky                Warnings: None                Synopsis: Dr. James Barnes is too busy saving lives to actually have one of his own. When he finally agrees to go on a blind date, he gets into an accident that will change his life forever. Retired Army Captain Steve Rogers is depressed, and when he moves into his new apartment he finds it already occupied....with the ghost of its last tenant. To make matters worse, the ghost is adamant that he's not dead. As they navigate their way through their new living arrangements, can they save each other, before it’s too late? Or have they missed their one shot at a happy ending?

By Any Other Name

                 Word Count: 36.9k                  Rating: Explicit                  Notable Tags: Assassins and Hitmen!AU, Spies and Agents!AU                  Warning: Smut                 Synopsis: Steve was a good spy. It turned out one good spy didn't stand a chance against a rival security firm, a contract killer, and his own heart.

[fanaticfangirl001]

Like Real People Do Ch 6: The Stain

Taglist: @p3nny4urth0ught5, @kissofvenom922,

Author’s note: Considering Sam’s TT, it’s very common in the South to give relatives nicknames, especially in the African American community(Just in case anyone was confused during the episode)

Winnie flops down on the couch and sighs.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

“Sam, this whole thing is fucked up.” Winnie rubs her temples.

“Well once this is all over, I’ll leave you and Buck alone.”

“No reason to. He hates me.”

“Huh?”

“ At Sharon’s place. I confronted him and he brushed me off. I mean it was stupid to think that.”

“Wait, you think Buck hates you because he wouldn’t open up to you.”

“Exactly, we’ve talked about stuff before.”

“Stuff like feelings?”

“No. I’m pretty sure we’re just going to stuff those down and then one day, we die.”

“That’s not healthy.”

“Did you imagine us to have a healthy way of coping with our shit?”

“No, but once everything is over, try therapy.”

“I’d screw it up.”

“There’s nothing to screw up.”

“I’d screw up the therapist. There’s a lot, Sam, none of it is great.”

Zemo walks out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and Bucky walks through the front door.

“Well the Wakandans are here. They want Zemo. Bought us some more time.”

“Were you followed?”

“No.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Winnie sits up from the couch.

“Because I know when I’m being followed.”

“It was sweet of you to defend me at least.”

“Hey, you shut it. No one’s defending you.You killed Nagel”

“Don’t put too much stock in it.” Winnie warns. “You mean to an end.”

“You’d be bored without me.” Zemo says to Winnie then adds “ Do we really have to litigate what may or may not have happened.”

“There’s nothing to litigate. You straight shot a man.”

“Point blank.” Winnie adds.

“Sam.”

“What?”

“Karli bombed a GRC supply depot.”

“What? What’s the damage?”

“Eleven injured, three dead. They have a list of demands and are promising more attacks if those demands aren’t met.”

“She’s getting worse.”

“Take it from the man that bombed the UN to know what worse is.” Winnie muses.

“I accept the assistance but I can handle these two.” Zemo pours himself a cup of tea. “I have the will to complete this mission. Do the three of you?”

“She’s just a kid.”

“You’re seeing something in her that isn’t there. You’re clouded by it.”

“Sam, she is a kid, but she’s making some adult moves.” Winnie adds. “But she has done more for the displaced than the GRC ever did.”

“She’s a supremacist. The very concept of a Super Soldier will always trouble people. It’s that warped association that led to Nazis, to Ultron, to the Avengers.”

“You’re talking about our friends.”

“The avengers, not the nazis.”

“So, Karli is radicalized, but there has to be a peaceful way to stop her.”

“It would have to be in some neutral location. I don’t want any surprise attacks. Sam, you’d be the best choice.”

“The desire to become a superhuman cannot be separated from supremacist ideals. Anyone with that serum is inherently on that path. She will not stop. She will escalate until you kill her.Or she kills you.”

“Maybe you’re wrong Zemo. The serum never corrupted Steve.”

“Touche. But there has never been another Steve Rogers, has there?”

“One of a kind, a good man trained to be a soldier.”

“Well, maybe we should give him to the Wakandans right now.”

“And you’ll give up your tour guide.”

“Yes.”

“From my understanding Donya is like a pillar of the community, right? So when I was a kid my TT passed away.”

“Your TT?”

“Yeah, my TT, yeah.”

“Who is your TT?”

“Fine, when I was a kid,my aunt passed away, and the entire neighborhood got together for a ceremony. It was like a week long. Maybe they’re doing the same thing for Donya.”

“We’re not crashing a memorial.”

“Worth a shot.”

“Your TT would be proud of you.” Zemo tosses a piece of candy towards Sam “ Turkish Delight.”

He gestures towards Winnie.

“No thank you. I’ve read The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, too many times to be taken in by perfume candy.”

“Shame what’s become of this place. When I was young, we used to come here for fabulous dinners and parties.I know nothing of the politics of the time, of course.But I remember it being beautiful.”

“I’ll play you a song from the smallest violin, later, what we need is information.” Winnie says from behind him.

“I’m gonna take a look upstairs.See what you can find down here. Keep an eye on him.”Sam says leaving the group.

“I’ll stay out of your way.”

Winnie looks around seeing small groups of children playing. She softly smiles.

“You like children?” Zemo asks softly.

“Yeah so.”

“Follow my lead.”

Winnie rolls her eyes but takes Zemo’s outstretched hand.

“Baa baa black sheep have you any wool.”

Winnie sings with him.

“Yes sir, yes,sir, three bags full. One for my master, One for the dame.” Zemo pulls out a bag of the same candy he had offered them, Turkish Delight.

“One for the little girl who lives down the lane.” He sets up a table and pours out the candy.

“Turkish Delight. It was always my son’s favorite.”

Winnie kneels down so she’s at the kids level.

“My old friend Donya passed away. Did you know her?”

“Yes.”

“I would like to pay my last respects. Do you know where her funeral will be?”

Zemo motions for the child to whisper to him the location. She whispers then turns towards him again.

“Is there something else?” He asks.

“Your wife is pretty.” She points towards Winnie.

Winnie smiles, keeping up the appearance.

Sam comes down and stands by Bucky.

“It’s starting to feel like a dead end.”

“The hell are they doing?”

“Do you see these men there?” Zemo asks the child softly.

“Zemo, darling.” Winnie adds putting a hand on his shoulder.

“They are very bad, not to be trusted.” Zemo adds to the children. “Donya is our little secret, okay.”

Zemo and Winnie walk back to the two.

“Cute kids.”

“Ass.”

“Darling, there’s children present.”

“I don’t like them, together.” Bucky breaks the silence.

“I know Buck. I know.”

“Well I got nothing. No one is talking about Donya.”

“Yeah, it’s because Karli is the only one fighting for them.”

Winnie turns to Zemo.

“And she’s not wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“For five years,people have been welcomed into countries that have kept them out using barbed wire. There were houses and jobs. Folks were happy to have people around to help them rebuild. It wasn’t just one community coming together. It was the entire world coming together. And then boom. Just like that, it goes right back to the way it used to be. To them at least Karli is doing something.”

“You really think her ends justify her means. Then she’s no different than him, or anybody else we’ve fought.

“She’s different. She’s not motivated by the same things.”

Zemo is making cherry blossom tea and brings it over.

“That little girl. What’d she tell you?”

“The funeral is this afternoon.”

“You know the Dora’s coming for you any minute.In fact they are probably lurking outside right now.Keep talking.”

“Leaving you to turn on me, once we get to Karli. I prefer to keep my leverage.”

Bucky stands up and walks over to him. He grabs the tea pot and throws it against the wall.

“You wanna see what someone can do with leverage.”

“Take it easy, don’t engage him. He’s just going to extort you and do that stupid little head tilt thing.”

Zemo straightens.

“Let me make a call.”

“Do you want some cherry blossom tea?

“No you go ahead.”

Zemo turns towards Winnie.

“Uh sure, I’d love some.”

Once Bucky leaves the room Winnie looks at Zemo.

“It’s rude to stare.”

“Infuriating Bucky isn’t going to help you in the long run.”

“You care a lot for him. Pity.”

“Why?”

“Because he will always throw himself into the fight. He will never settle down, or help himself, because not so deep down, he knows he’ll never lose the Winter Soldier side. You saw how easily he went back into it.He believes that he’s not worth the effort.What is that they say about old habits. Ah, they die hard.”

“Pissing me off isn’t helpful to you, either.”

“Why does the truth anger you so?”

“Because I believe that Buck is stronger than everything he’s been through.”

“You have great expectations for James.”

“I do.”

“You think he is worth the effort.”

“Yes.”

“So tell him.”

“Why would I trust you? Two seconds ago you were being a dick. Now I’m supposed to take your relationship advice.”

“So you do want a relationship with him.”

“I’m not talking to you, anymore.”

“How sweet the silence will be.” Zemo gives her a cup of tea.

“Fuck you.”

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit.” John and Lemar jog up to where the four are.

“What happened to tracking John?” Sam asks Winnie.

“Someone must have disabled it, it was working before.”

“Ah! How’d you find us now?”

“Come on. You really think two Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?”

“No more keeping us in the dark.”

“It was nice while it lasted.” Winnie adds to Sam.

“And you..” John walks up to Winnie,” Stop messing with my suit and my shield.”

“Doesn’t feel too good to get tracked by your own stuff, huh.”

“You are interfering with the United States Government.”

“What are you gonna do, kill me.”

“Don’t.” Bucky grabs Winnie’s arm and pulls her back.

“You could start by telling us why you broke him out of prison.”

“He did that himself, technically.”

“This better be an unbelievable explanation.”

“Take it easy before it gets weird.”

“Too late.”

“I know where Karli is.”

“Well, where?” John stops Zemo with a hand on his chest.

“All we know is, it’s a memorial. So we’re going to intercept her there.”

“I still don’t like the idea that we’re crashing a memorial.” Winnie adds.

“That means civilians. High risk of casualties.” Lemar adds.

“Which means we need discretion, you two aren’t exactly subtle.” Winnie gestures between John and Lemar.

“All right, we’ll move in fast. Take her by surprise.” John says.

“Did he not hear me?” Winnie asks outloud.

“I want to talk to her alone.” Sam nods at Winnie.

“I’m not losing her again.”

“You won’t, if you let Sam talk to her. This is his bread and butter.”

“Look the person closest to her died, she’s vulnerable. Now is the best time to reason with her.”

“No wait stop! Hold on! I think we’re way past reasoning with her,unless you forgot that she blew up a building with people still in it.”

“So did Zemo, and he’s here.”

“Winifred, if you really lov…” Zemo starts and is muffled by Winnie’s hand.

“Sam if you walk in there cold, she could kill you.” Lemar reasons with Sam.

“If I go in hot and the op goes wrong, more people will die.”

“You’ll let him do this. You’re gonna let your partner walk into a room with a Super Soldier alone.”

“He’s dealt with worse, and he’s not my partner.”

“I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay. This is in my wheelhouse, like Winnie said.”

“I know. And I know those soldiers, which is why I know this a bad idea.”

“Wait John, if he can talk her down, it might be worth a try.” Lemar reasons with John.

“We’ll deal with you later.” John says to Zemo.

“I’m sure it will come to an agreeable conclusion. My associate is just up ahead.”

Zemo leads the way to the small girl he was talking to earlier.

“Hello my friend.” Zemo gives her money,” This is for your family. Can you show us the way?”

The child motions for Zemo and the group to follow her.

“What the hell?”

“Language.” Winnie warns. “ Come on John, there’s a kid.”

The child leads them to the building.

“Karli is in there.”

“All right.” Sam goes in alone.

Zemo is handcuffed to a pipe.

“Hey, you got ten minutes.

“Really?”

“Then we’re doing things my way.”

“Aggressive.” Zemo comments. “ But I get it.”

“John, you okay?” Winnie asks as she watches him begin to pace.

“No, I’m not okay. I wasn’t expecting to see Sam and Bucky, two avengers, an ex member of Shield, and a terrorist that bombed the UN.”

“Okay, and neither did I when Bucky and I came out here. But we’ve done a pretty good job so far.”

“A pretty good job? Really?”

“Yeah, actually with less resources than you have.”

John waits and readjusts his cowl across his nose.

“John.”

“Whatever it is Winnie, I’m not in the mood.”

“I’m not trying to antagonize you, but you really don’t seem okay. Take a few breaths. Sam’s a good man and he knows how these things go.”

Bucky looks up watching Winnie.

“I also know that you want to be a good man. You want to be the best Captain America, you can. And to do that you need a clear head, and some good people around, and a big ass heart.”

“A big ass heart isn’t going to help.”

“I think it helped Steve.”

“Well I’m not Steve.”

“I know. No one is asking you to be Steve, John.”

“She’s right.” Zemo adds.

“Good call, the terrorist agrees with you, Winnie.”

“I’m trying to genuinely help you. Don’t be a dick.”

“You could have helped more by joining us. That tracker you put on my shield is still being dissected. Your modifications on old shield tech is incredible.”

“Governments have agendas and blind spots. I’m not getting back in just to be told it’s happening again.”

“So what’s next then, for you?” John asks.

“I don’t know, but I’m sticking with Sam and Buck until the end of the line.”

“Don’t ever say that again!” Bucky snaps.

Winnie recoils hurt from his words and the silence grows.

She looks over when John begins pacing and talking to himself.

“Nope No, this is a bad plan.”

“It hasn’t been ten minutes. Just sit tight.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronize me.”

“He knows what he’s doing.”

“I’m going in.” John walks up to Bucky. He stops John.

“This is all real easy for you, isn’t it? All that serum runnin through your veins. Barnes, your partner needs backup in there.”

“Lemar.” Winnie nudges him and gestures to John,” Has he always been this intense?”

“He’s got a lot on his plate.”

“Lemar no bullshitting me, is John okay?”

“Yeah, he’ll be okay.”

“Care to make a wager?”

“Sure. what’s the bet?”

“If John snaps,you owe me, Bucky and Sam:Juicy Lucys, fries and malts once we’re stateside.”

“If he doesn’t, you owe us a steak dinner. The works.”

“Deal.” Winnie puts out her hand for Lemar.

“Deal.” Lemar shakes her hand.

“What about me?” Zemo asks.

“Malts aren’t for terrorists.” Winnie answers.

“Neither are steak dinners.”

“Karli Morgenthau, you’re under arrest.” John calls out.

“This is what that was.”

“No, wait.”

“Tricking me until help came.”

“We had enough time to talk.”

“Nazi”

“Why don’t you.”

Karli shoves John and the shield against the table.

Winnie helps John back up, he shoves off of her.

Bucky goes after Karli as does Lamar.

Sam helps Winnie up and the two run through trying to find Karli.

“Shit.”

“I lost her.”

“So did we, and John’s a dick.”

“This place is a maze.”

“Pretty smart move though. We need to find Karli before John or Zemo do.”

Zemo finds Karli and shoots at her following her through the pipe room. He shoots twice more. To avoid him, Karli vaults over a table, her pouch of the serum vials falling to the floor with her. The blue vials litter the floor. Karli starts to crawl towards it but Zemo shoots once more. She finds cover behind the table.

“Is this what I think it is.” Zemo asks. He picks one up.

“No no no.” Karli starts.

He throws it to the ground, the glass vial shattering. Zemo stomps on them. Karli runs out seeing that Zemo is busy. The shield flies out of the air and knocks him out.

Sam, Bucky and Winnie run in to see John.

“You found Zemo, good.” Winnie says.

“What did we miss?”

Back in Zemo’s home he rests on the couch with a wash cloth on his head.

“Anything new from Sharon.”

“No, just keep an eye on John.”

“Were you ever offered it?” Zemo asks Sam.

“What?”

“The serum.”

“No.”

“If you had been, hypothetically, that is, would you have taken it?”

“No.”

“No hesitation. That’s impressive.”

“Sam, you can’t hold out hope for Karli. No matter what you saw in her, she’s gone. And we cannot allow that she and her acolytes become yet another faction of gods amongst real people. Super soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.”

“Isn’t that how gods talk?”

“And if that’s how you feel, what about Bucky.”

“He never chose anything.” Winnie asks.

Sam takes Zemo’s silence for a chance to continue.

“Blood isn’t always the solution.”

Bucky comes back in.

“Somethings not right about Walker.”

“Clocked that a mile away. I made a bet with Lemar.”

“ What kind of bet?”

“I think John is unstable. He’s gonna snap at someone. And when he does we get cheeseburgers and malts.”

“You can’t make a bet like that. It’s wrong.”

“Lemar knows John better than I do. And he has faith in John. That should make us feel a little better.”

“What does he get if John doesn’t crack?”

“Him and John get a steak dinner.”

“Steak dinner vs cheese burgers, the classic American battle.” Zemo adds.

“Well get ready to eat a burger, Sam, I know a crazy when I see one. Because I am crazy.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“Shouldn’t have given him the shield.”

“I didn’t give it.”

“Well Steve definitely didn't.”

“All right. That’s it. Let’s go. I’m now ordering you to turn him over.”

“Hey, slow your roll.”

“Shield or no shield, the only thing here you’re running is your mouth. Now I have Katli and you overstepped. He’s actually proven himself useful today. We’re going to need all hands on deck for whatever’s comin’ next.”

“How do you want the rest of this conversation to go, huh. Should I put down the shield, make it fair?”

“Malts here we come.” Winnie adds sending a smirk over to Lemar.

John puts down the shield and a woman dressed in crimson, and gold armor throws a spear.

“Woah.” Winnie looks from the woman, to Sam, to Bucky as if to ask if they saw that too.

More women in armor with spears come into the room.

“Are they the Dora Milaje?” Winnie asks Bucky.

He nods.

The lead woman speaks to Bucky in a language Winnie has never heard before. Even she knew that whatever they were here for wouldn’t end well for Zemo.

“Release him to us now.” The woman says.

“Hi, John Walker, Captain America.” John introduces himself. “Well let’s put down the pointy sticks and we can talk this though huh. “

“Now he wants peace.” Winnie mocks.

“Not the time.” Sam says shaking his head. “John, take it easy, You might want to fight Bucky before you tangle with the Dora Milaje.”

“They don’t have jurisdiction here.”

“The Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever the Dora Milaje find themselves to be.”

“Okay. Look I think we got off on the wrong foot.” John claps her on the shoulder.

The woman looks at John’s arm and then him. She hits him with a spear multiple times then kicks him away, hitting the spear in the wall and back to the ground. He uses the shield to deflect a spear aiming for him and continues fighting the women.

Zemo continues drinking his cocktail.

“We should do something.”

“Yeah.” Winnie pulls out a bag of popcorn from her backpack. She offers some to Sam. He takes a handful.

“Looking strong, John.”

“Bucky.” Sam warns.

“So the Dora Milaje is the Wakandan army?” Winnie asks the two guys as they watch the fight.

Bucky nods.

“The spears look beautifully made.”

“Ayo.” Bucky grabs the spear in the hands of one woman. “ Let’s talk about this.”

Sam and Bucky enter the struggle.

“ Guys!” Winnie yells.

“We’re a little busy!” Sam yells back to Winnie.

Winnie chases Zemo, but he gets the door and locks it.

“You’re a rat! You know that!” Winnie is banging on the door trying to break it.

Ayo taps Bucky’s arm in a few places and it falls off. She walks off towards where Zemo locked the door.

“He’s gone. Leave it.” She tells another warrior holding the shield.

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asks.

“No.” Bucky puts back on his arm and rotates it. The vibranium shifts and hums as it moves back to place.

“You all right, man.” Lemar asks helping John up.

“They weren’t even super soldiers.” John gets up.

“I can’t believe he pulled an El Chapo.”

“I can, come on.”

“She said what? Hold on Hold on, I know. Listen pack an overnight bag and take the boys.”

“What happened?”

“Karli called Sarah. She threatened my nephews.” Sam turns back to his phone,”Okay. Go somewhere safe. Only pay in cash. All right? Let me know when you get there.”

“Damn.” Winnie’s expression grows serious. “ She can’t keep this up.”

“I know. I love you. I’ll never let anything happen to these boys.Okay, bye.”

“Karli wants to meet. She left a contact number. She said just me and Winnie.”

“Me?” Winnie asks. “ Why?”

“I didn’t ask.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Karli!” Sam yells out.

Winnie walks with him, rocket boots and other weapons up her sleeves ready.

Bucky follows.

“You called my sister.That’s how we’re gonna play this.”

“I would never hurt her. I wanted to understand you better. I see you two didn’t come alone.”

“You have to end this now.”

“Karli there’s nothing good that can come from this. Just stop this from escalating. Just stop.” Winnie says.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You don’t have to hurt anyone.”

“Sam, you’re just a tool in the regimes. I want to destroy. You’re not hiding behind a shield. If I were to kill you it’d be meaningless. I was going to ask you to join me.And you, Winnie, you’re not a tool, you’re a free agent. You could join us. I saw the gadgets the first time we fought. Also you were the closest to downloading all of our mugshots before we started erasing our trail. We could use you.”

“I can’t do that Karli.” Winnie shakes her head.

“Hey Sam,” Sharon’s voice says through Sam’s gear. “ Looks like new Cap is moving. Looks like he found them or maybe they found him.”

“It’s Walker.”

Sam and Bucky jump down colliding with Karli.

“ I’ll send you the location. Go!”

Bucky runs off in search of John.

Winnie kicks on her rocket boots and takes a running leap off the building following Sam.

Sam comes in through the ceiling, Winnie follows through the large hole.

He and Winnie watch as John bends a metal pipe.

“What’d you do?

“They’ve got Lemar.”

Sam and Winnie follow John.

Two super soldiers drop down from the ceiling. One takes on Sam, the other John.

John tosses the shield and hits one in the back and Sam lets his wings take the action.

“What’s with all the knives?”

“Guns are hard to get in Europe. Knives are stylish.” Winnie shoots one in the leg.

Bucky runs in and catches a knife.

Sam now has two super soldiers on him.

Bucky punches one

“You’re welcome.”

An electrified whip hits the other one and knocks them out.

“Sup.” Winnie nods.

Karli, armed with a knife, sees her moment to kill John. She takes it and then is grappled by Lemar dropping her to the ground. They get up and Karli punches him into a pillar in the middle of the room.

John goes over to Lemar.

“Hey. Hey. Hey.” John pats his face. “Lemar. Lemar. Lemar.”

“Shit.” Winnie says softly.

The Flag smashers and Karli flee.

Sam, Bucky, Winnie run after Karlie.

John jumps out of a window and slams onto the street below.

“Where is she?!?” John yells running after the one of the flag smashers.

John knocks the man down beside cement stairs and hits him with the shield. People begin to watch.

“It wasn’t me.” The man pleads. “It wasn’t me!”

John lifts his shield and brings it down several times. Onlookers take videos and scream.

Winnie leans her head on Bucky’s shoulder closing her eyes, away from what just took place in broad daylight, in front of people.

“He snapped.” Winnie whispers with tears in her eyes.

[maraudersandlily20]

So Was I

*This story will make a lot more sense if you read the last prompt I wrote*

“I can’t talk about this anymore, James.” Sirius says, fuming. He and James had been working on cleaning the dishes after dinner. Lily was asleep in her and James’ room, tired and very pregnant. The boys didn’t mind the chores if it made Lily feel less stressed. However, James had used the quiet moment to broach the topic that Sirius had been ignoring for days. 

Regulus.

“Well, that’s too bad, because we’re going to talk about it!” James spat, dunking his hands into the soapy water and pulling out a plate. He shoved it at Sirius who dried it off and placed it on the pile. 

“There’s nothing to say.” “Liar.” James said, turning to look at him. “You won’t even listen, so there’s obviously something you need to get off your chest.

Sirius turned and moved away from his best friend, trying to show that he was done with the conversation. He would clean the rest of the dishes later. He walked toward the study, pushing the door open in frustration, listening as James followed behind him. “I don’t know what you thought you saw or why anything happened the way it did, but Regulus didn’t save your life because he cares about you. He must have an ulterior motive. They always do!”

James persisted in his chase, a dish rag thrown over his shoulder, his hands covered in water and bubbles. “This was different, Pads. He knew exactly what he was doing. He could have very easily collapsed that entire ravine onto Dorcas and I, but he didn’t. He purposefully shot the curses just far enough away from us that we wouldn’t be hurt and we would have enough time to escape.” James had been trying to have this conversation with Sirius for over a week. After his and Dorcas’ escape from the Ravine, after Regulus had called out to him and saved their lives, he was convinced that maybe it was time that someone did the same for Regulus. 

Sirius did not agree. 

“I know you always see the best in people, mate,” Sirius placated. “But Regulus made his choice a long time ago. We have no idea the kind of things they have drilled into his head. There’s nothing good about him anymore. He’s a death eater, remember? They’re convinced that the world needs to be purified. You know that. What can we do to change that?”

James frowned at him, wiping the moisture onto his jeans as he contemplated a way to answer. “Just because a sheep lives in a flock doesn’t mean it shares the flocks’ thoughts.” He finally answered, nose screwed up in frustration, knowing that he sounded as ridiculous as he felt.

“That’s… that’s stupid.”

“I know,” James answered, laughing at his metaphor but also feeling himself growing frustrated. “But that’s not the point. The point is that, in all the times we’ve interacted with Regulus, how many times has he himself actually done anything to hurt us?” A pause, as if Sirius was taking a moment to actually consider. James saw his hesitation and jumped on it. “I can’t think of any. In fact, if anything, I can only remember the times when he has stopped something which prevented us from getting hurt.”

“It doesn’t matter, James. He’s still one of them. He already chose his side.”

“People are allowed to change.”

“But they don’t! People never, EVER change,” Sirius yelled, twisting around on James, breathing hard. “People will never change who they are. A sheep is still a sheep, even if you shave it.”

“I thought we decided that was a stupid metaphor.”

“Yeah, but it does the trick.”

“Sirius, I know that he hurt you-”

“No, you don’t. You don’t know the half of it. The things that we went through together, the times we made promises to each other, and how easy it was for him to turn his back on all of that. I can’t just forget all of that, James. I can’t pretend that it didn’t happen. You have no idea how he went against everything, broke every promise, to serve them.”

“Doesn’t he deserve a second chance?”

“NO! Life isn’t kind, James. It doesn’t offer second chances.”

“Well, we gave you one.” His voice is soft, as if reluctant to bring up the memory.

Sirius remembers, though. It had been the hardest and best day of his life, after he had begged for forgiveness from his friends. They had all collapsed on top of him, loving him so fearlessly, until he believed that they would never truly leave him. There was nothing he could do that would make them stop loving him. He remembered his friends, the comfort of finally having them with him again, loving him despite his mistake, being there for him as he made amends. He wonders where he would be without it. “That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because… just because, okay James?” He could feel the heat rising in his face as he yelled, wanting James to understand. “I don’t know what you think you saw or the kind of person you’re hoping Regulus to be, but that isn’t him, okay? Regulus is a death eater, he has a dark mark. They didn’t force him to take it, he did it willingly. He is just as much a Death Eater as any of the rest of them. That was a choice that he made.”

“But shouldn’t he be allowed to change his mind?” 

The persistence of his best friend grated on Sirius. He ground his teeth as he thought through his response.“Why? And when does that stop? What, because he barely saved you and Dorcas and he maybe didn’t personally go after any of us in school, that means we need to bend over backwards to give him more credit then he deserves? Pretend that now, he’s somehow a good person? He’s secretly wanting to change? To be good? How long do I have to offer him redemption just for him to keep doing the same terrible things. How many times do I give another chance to someone who just won’t take it?”

“I don’t know,” James admitted, his voice matching Sirius’ in pitch, though his voice carried a great deal more sadness than anger. “He’s seen a lot of terrible things in his life, Sirius. He’s had terrible things happen to him. He’s been groomed for this life since he was born. What other option did he have?”

“He could have come with me!” Sirius roared. “He could have packed a bag and left that place behind forever, like I did. He could have found a home with you and your parents, like me. But instead, he stayed there. He became the very thing we swore we never would be.”

James was already shaking his head at the comments, wanting to bring clarity to Sirius, have him think with his head and not react with his wounds. “We have no idea what he’s gone through, Sirius,” he pleaded, begging him to understand. “Who knows what your parents did to him when you left?”

“He became everything my parents hoped for, James. Regulus, the true Black heir, a member of the elite wizards, on the right hand of the Dark Lord. Nothing they did to him will ever excuse those choices.”

“So, what, all of the suffering he went through, the pain and the beatings, the curses that leave scars, we just disregard that? After a childhood of misery and pain, we just look the other way? Even though he’s shown us that he has the capacity for goodness?”

“YES!”

“How? How can we do that? He was a child!”

“So was I! We grew up in the same place. We lived under the same circumstances. I took punishment after punishment if it meant that he wouldn’t have to take it. I stood in front of him no matter what our parents threw at me. I would have given my life to make sure he was safe!” Sirius felt the tears forming his eyes, his throat tightening at the admission, at the pain he felt of the betrayal. He wasn’t angry because Regulus had become a Death Eater. He was angry because Regulus had stayed, chosen hell with their parents, not life with him. “And when I finally had a chance to run, I asked him to come with me. We could have left behind the pain and the curses and all of the bullshit. And you know what happened? He chose to stay. He turned his back on me.” The tears were flowing in earnest then, streaking down Sirius’ face. “I will not excuse his choices because of the way he grew up. I won’t. Because I grew up the same way. I was there with him, having to face the same things. We were the same. But I didn’t turn out to be a Death Eater. I didn’t turn my back on the people who loved me!”

“But you had us.” James counters, his voice getting softer, stepping forward in hopes of the chance to comfort Sirius. “When you needed a place to run, you had one. We are your family, Sirius. You’ve always had us.” He grabbed his best friend’s arm, showing him that he was there, that he wasn’t leaving. When Sirius finally looked up at him, he winced and whispered, “Who does he have?”

That simple question held in itself everything that Sirius had attempted to ignore when it came to his brother. Who did Regulus have? The life that Sirius led was one that he had cultivated himself, but had also been influenced by a great deal of luck as well. Regulus didn’t have that. What kind of love and care was offered to him now? Sirius didn’t know. James pushed on. 

“I know there are things that he has done that you can never forgive him for.” He grabbed Sirius’ hand, holding it tightly between both of his. “What he has chosen is inexcusable and wrong. He is on the wrong side. You know that, and I know that. It hurts to see him there, I know. But how long are you going to let that make you hate him? How long are you going to suffer without him until you finally open your eyes? What is it going to take for you to forgive him?”

They were questions that seemed stuck inside Sirius’ head. He thought through his decisions, the situations that he had found himself in. What if Regulus was put in those situations? What would have been different? What would have happened if Regulus was allowed to choose, to change? What would Sirius do if that did happen?

“The only one that is still getting hurt is you, Pads. You lose him over and over when you don’t forgive him. You let yourself hope that he’ll make a different decision without letting him know you love him regardless, despite all of his decisions.” James smiled a bit, wanting Sirius to believe as much as he did that there was a chance for Regulus. That they shouldn’t give up on him because of what he had chosen before, but give him a chance to choose better. “Maybe that’s all he needs. Proof. Proof that there is something else he can have, that he can depend on. He’s only known darkness. Maybe it’s time to offer him some light?”

It was strange for Sirius to imagine life with Regulus again. The brother he had loved and encouraged for so many years was now trapped in a web of darkness. Could there be a chance for him? Could Sirius offer his hand and actually have him take it? Could Regulus be saved? It was a thought that brought a moment of peace to his tumultuous thoughts. Imagining Regulus taking his hand, being there for him, keeping his promises. But then, he saw the memory of Regulus shoving Sirius’ trunk away from himself and leaving his room in silence, not even turning to look at him before he left. He saw the choice that Regulus had made in that moment. He hadn’t chosen Sirius. He had chosen everything but Sirius. 

“Can’t you try to forgive him?” James whispered, unaware of the battle raging inside of his best friend.

Sirius shut his eyes against the thought, seeing day after day of torture and pain at the hands of his parents. He saw Regulus, small and fragile, hiding behind him as Sirius took on another punishment. He saw how Regulus trusted him, staying in his room for hours during Christmas vacation, quiet and listening as Sirius prattled on about anything and everything. He saw all of the good in their lives that they had shared together. He remembered the promise he had made to his brother, that he would always be there for him, protect him, and love him, no matter what. And he saw Regulus turn his back on all of it.

Anger roiled in his gut, but beneath it, much more poignant and unsettling was the feeling of grief. 

Sirius’ Regulus didn’t exist anymore. 

All that was left was pain and darkness.

Nothing more.

He looked at James, cold. “No. I can’t forgive him. I will never forgive him,” he answered before turning his back, leaving James alone in the middle of the room, stunned. He knew that Sirius meant it, that he would never let himself be in a position to love Regulus again. James knew, then, that Regulus would never get to have Sirius again. And that was the thing that hurt the most.