#and Jacobi and Maxwell seem to think it’s funny

[specialagentartemis]

instead of a born sexy yesterday thing Hera gets rebooted and Eiffel's like oh no... adoption instincts activated #(he died in the car crash) #Lovelace's team Figured It Out and got banished to the real bad place and she's back to drag Hilbert down to fix it somehow #Jacobi and Maxwell doing the world's worst straight couple impression but having a fantastic time not being at regular work #completely ignored in the background as Eiffel and Minkowski deal with the Problem of the Week

I still sometimes think about how well W359 would work in a The Good Place AU since Minkowski and Eiffel were already hired to torment each other. Minkowski and Eiffel get dumped into a neighborhood as assigned soulmates, Eiffel under false pretenses. Hera is Janet, obviously. Eris is Bad Janet. Hilbert is Michael and already on his second chance, which they don't find out about until Isabel Lovelace shows up in their nice, manicured neighborhood covered in scorch marks and carrying a pitchfork she stole from a demon demanding they help her rescue the rest of her friends. That's as far as my imagination ever went beyond that Jacobi and Maxwell are demons pretending to be another pair of soulmates in the neighborhood and doing a horrendous job of it, but Minkowski and Eiffel mostly don't notice because they've got their own problems.

[soph-the-podcast-nerd]

I was thinking about dnd and i think it would be really funny to watch the Si5 crew play dnd. So I will be head cannoning them.

(also this is just kind of how they would play because I’m too tired to decide what I think they would all play as lol)

Minkowski would DM of course. She would try to get everyone to follow the rules, and she loves to torture her players. She would make these entirely too complex story that no one follows and have voices for all the characters. Dnd really brings out her fun nerdy theater kid energy

Eiffel has no respect for the rules and does whatever he wants. And by whatever he wants I mean he makes up random shit left and right. Like he makes up random spells/weapons/items/etc and minkowskis just like THAT. IS. NOT. HOW. THIS WORKS. While he wont admit it hes having a lot of fun. Also probably the type of player to roll to seduce.

i think Hera would really really love playing dnd. She would make a really complicated character with a complex background and interesting traits and whatever. I think she would probably be the most into it, and she would be really OP just because shes good at it. She would also probably be pretty chaotic imo. Like immediately choosing violence for her character.

hmm i bet hilbert would be into making his own spells, home brewing characters, and being like. a necromancer or something . Idk. He seems like that kinda guy yknow. He would suggest more unethical stuff in the game, beyond normal dnd insanity. But still like. In a fun way.

Lovelace would either like to be really chaotic or really focused on the plot. I think shes a nerd and would either show a new side of her playing dnd and like just be a chaotic murder hobo, or be really into the plot and making sure everyone stays on the right path

i will probably add jacobi, kepler, maxwell, and maybe cutter later lol

[hephaestuscrew]

Every Time I Can Think of When Names/What People Are Called Is Significant in Wolf 359

Cutter using everyone's first names as part of his terrifying over-friendliness thing. It's also definitely a power move because the crew aren't permitted to call him by his first name. They have to address him as Mr Cutter.

Alexander Hilbert / Elias Selberg / Dmitri Volodin. Since Hilbert has been working for Goddard for a long time, we can assume that these aren't even the only names he's gone by. The repeated identity-switching illustrates how Hilbert doesn't really have a life outside Goddard.

When trying to find out about Hilbert's past in Ep25, Eiffel asks him for his real name, like he thinks this might tell him who Hilbert really is.

After learning Hilbert's original name, Eiffel agrees to the continuation of the Decima experiments, although he says "I still don't trust you, Dmitri Volodin." I think this is the only time we hear Hilbert being called by his original name on the Hephaestus. Even at the funeral, Eiffel calls him Alexander Hilbert. The name that sticks is just the one he happened to die whilst wearing.

Lovelace sometimes calls Hilbert Selberg (e.g. "I've seen Selberg's dark side")- this seems to indicate when she's feeling most mistrustful of him.

Although the aliases are a practical measure, they also create a degree of separation between Hilbert and his previous selves. I think the most notable example is when he yells "Selberg not here today" at Lovelace in Ep26. When Hilbert is trying to save Eiffel from dying of Decima, he does not want to be called by the name of a man who killed two people using that same virus.

Like Hilbert, Cutter has gone by many names (William Carter, Marcus Cutter etc). He sheds identities to suit his purposes.

Andrea Nash /Rachel Young also took on a new name when she joined Goddard.

In her logs from the first Hephaestus mission, Lovelace says about Lambert, "I wish you were here Sam, I wish you were here to ask me not to call you that"

In her first meeting with Hilbert, Lovelace insists on being called Isabel.

I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that the only people who call Lovelace "Isabel" at any point are Cutter and Hilbert. Cutter calls her it because he does first names with everyone, but Hilbert asks "Isabel... are you listening to yourself?" in Ep38 after she's given an any-means-necessary revenge rant. And he calls her Isabel again in Ep44 when they are inspecting the mind-reading chair thing before the mutiny. In a twisted way, it's an acknowledgement of their shared history. Hilbert thinks he knows Lovelace better than the rest of the crew do, so he feels entitled to call her by her first name.

For Hera, her name (as opposed to her designation of Unit 214, which places her as just one among many, rather than an individual) is an assertion of personhood. Pryce insists on calling her Unit 214 and chides Cutter for calling AI by their names, because she doesn't see AIs as people.

The crew call Hera Unit 214 when they are being mind-controlled and Eiffel gives away his non-brainwashed state by automatically calling her Hera, indicating his inability to see her as a mere machine.

In Hera's first meeting with Minkowski, Minkowski initially calls her Unit 214 because she had heard that AIs prefer to go by their serial numbers (incidentally, the fact that Minkowski looked into this is wonderful. I wonder whether its true that most AI like to be called by their serial numbers or whether this information is put out by Pryce to deprive AIs of identity.) Hera responds "Oh, no, no. Hera. Definitely Hera."

In Hera's backstory ep, it is revealed that Goddard doesn't name their AIs until after they've been assigned to a posting. This really illustrates Goddard's attitude of "we won't consider treating you like a person unless you're useful to us".

Hera doesn't always have control over how she addresses the crew. She is forced to call Hilbert Commander during his Christmas mutiny. After Kepler's arrival, she starts calling Minkowski 'Lieutenant' rather than 'Commander' without even noticing. This is a symbol of her lack of autonomy over who to respect/ obey.

When Eiffel's freaked out about Lovelace being an alien, he keeps calling her "Cap" and she picks up on this as a sign of something being up.

Minkowski's surname and its correct pronunciation as a representation of her Polish heritage, which Eiffel disrespects by mispronouncing it. He says he initially tried to get it right, but stopped trying after they started fighting. After she tells him how much his mispronounciation bothers her in Ep51, we do hear him start to try to correct himself.

Eiffel insisting on calling Minkowski "Commander" even when she isn't officially the Commander - at times, it almost feels like a nickname or a term of affection. Even when she's voluntarily given up command to Lovelace, he still asks "Do I really have to call you Lieutenant?" It's an indication that, even though he doesn't always show it, he does see her as the one in charge.

I remember seeing a post which suggested that Eiffel calls Minkowski "Commander" when he is showing full respect for her and "Minkowski" (pronounced wrong) when he isn't, and I think there's definitely some truth to that.

He calls her Commander in his last words before being stranded in deep space (Ep28), before launching himself into the star (Ep52) and before the mind-wipe (Ep61).

I'm pretty sure that the first time Eiffel calls Minkowski 'Renée' is when he is begging her not to send him off back to Earth in the Sol. This is followed by Minkowski saying "Goodbye, Doug."

Minkowski does call Eiffel Doug several times in the early episodes but I think this is more because the writers hadn't fixed on the significance of names at this point. I think I remember seeing the writers saying that they wish they'd held back on her calling him Doug so that it would have more power later on.

During Eiffel & Minkowski's first meeting, she cuts herself off from asking him to call her Renée, and says Minkowski instead (perhaps because she's trying to be more formal/authoritative). After he butchers her surname a few times, she tells him to call her Commander.

Minkowski reintroducing herself to Eiffel after the mindwipe. Eiffel pronounces Minkowski's name correctly first time. This time she does ask him to "call me Renée".

This might be a stretch but arguably it's significant that she reintroduces herself with "my name is Renée Minkowski. I'm the Commander of this space station" rather than "I'm Commander Renée Minkowski"- she isn't defining herself by her military position.

The si-5 have a similar thing going on where they don't often call each other by their first names, so when they do, it gives those moments extra emotional significance.

Kepler calls Maxwell Alana in Ep39 when telling her not to get sentimental about Hera.

Maxwell first-names Jacobi twice in Ep42 (the Outside Jacobi Incident), once to tell him that if its a joke, it isn't funny and once to say a firm No to the idea of leaving Outside Jacobi to die.

When Maxwell is calling out for an answer from Outside Jacobi, our Jacobi says "Alana... I didn't go anywhere."

In Ep43, when Maxwell is about to lay into Jacobi for losing his cool over the Outside Jacobi Incident, she begins with "Daniel? Look at me." He eventually responds with "Alana, you're... You're absolutely right."

You could even argue that the classic introduction of 'This is the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel' draws attention to names as a key motif.

[commsroom]

i love all of your hera takes so much; can you say more about the relationship she has with each crew member? (or just eiffel to be honest, im kind of a sucker for them ^^;)

I would love to! I'm sorry this answer is so long and also... all over the place, but in my defense it's a really broad topic that I have a lot of feelings about and this barely even scratches the surface.

Okay. I've thought a lot about how I wanted to approach this, and I think the first thing I want to say - and I know this might seem like a strange point to open on, but I think it's a key factor in all of these relationships - is that I think Hera experiences rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I think the way that manifests for her is kind of the opposite of how Eiffel experiences RSD. They both have a deep-seated feeling of inadequacy and any criticism can feel like a personal attack, like everyone else is blaming them for everything that goes wrong. But where Eiffel internalizes that feeling and also blames himself/gets angry with himself, Hera lashes out and deflects. This is complicated by protocols that restrict her behavior, especially early on, because she can't always properly express herself and she builds resentment. She's really good at holding grudges.

So. With Lovelace, I think it's pretty obvious where that initial conflict is. Hera doesn't understand where Lovelace is coming from, and it's made worse from her perspective because Lovelace should understand, better than anyone, what that loss of control, that sense of powerlessness and insignificance in your own life, feels like. They are both traumatized people, but they deal with it differently. They approach conflict differently - they can both be blunt, but I think Lovelace is the kind of person who can start to deal with and move past things once they're out in the open, while Hera will get in a fight and then stew over it forever. It sounds kind of ridiculous to say when so much of their early relationship with each other is... what it is, but I think Eiffel and Minkowski are both peacekeepers in their own ways, and the Hera-Lovelace dynamic suffers from the lack of that... tempering influence. 

(And I think it's notable that Hera’s confrontation with Lovelace in Pan-Pan is among her worst memories.)

On the other hand, I think that shared bluntness can be useful sometimes - in Do No Harm, most of all, but also in Shut Up and Listen. Hera was definitely still holding onto hurt from some of the things Eiffel used to say, but by that point... without Lovelace, I'm really not sure if she ever would've brought it up to him.

And, of course, Hera becomes much more protective of (and willing to understand) Lovelace once they have... some even more similar experiences, in S4. I guess my general assessment of their relationship is that they care about each other and they will advocate for each other, especially where they share difficult and traumatic experiences and on issues of identity, but I don't think they're ever that close. They're kind of... the two people in the friend group who don't quite know how to hang out without their other friends.

Hera's initial conflict with Minkowski has some similar roots, but it's... not quite the same. There are times where Lovelace will intentionally prod at Hera's insecurities; Minkowski doesn't do it on purpose. She's just under the impression that her criticism is fair and professional, while to Hera it feels deeply personal, like it's an assessment of her worth as an individual. Once they understand and reconcile that miscommunication, there's a lot of trust and respect between them - and I think the potential for that is there earlier, too, especially in some flashback scenes; there are just... missteps along the way. Tactical Brain Damage is the best episode to demonstrate the establishment of that trust, I think - Hera has a LOT of wariness when it comes to people messing around with her systems, and just the act of saying... I trust you to do this, I know you won't let anything happen to me... is a really, really big deal for her.

They also just... have honest conversations about their feelings and concerns by that point, and Minkowski is considerate of how Lovelace's plans affect Hera, specifically, and asks for her input on that basis. I think their dynamic is really underutilized, but the way they feel about each other is clear. Minkowski is the only person other than Eiffel that Hera really trusts, and her only other close friend. There's definitely... a part of that dynamic that only Eiffel can offer, and that they can't really make up for when he's gone, but there's still this sense that... they're the only two people who are still really talking to each other by the time Pan-Pan comes around.

(Side note, it's really funny that Hera was SO on board to be in Minkowski's musical. Minkowski gave her only willing participant a minor part. If I could wish one non-Eiffel-centric comedy mini-episode into existence... at one point, my friend suggested a scenario in which Hera tries very, very hard to prove her acting skills to Minkowski under the most inopportune circumstances. ... And Hera was interested to hear Minkowski talk about a play she likes in that one flashback, so. The only thing keeping Hera from being a fellow theater kid was a lack of opportunity. Maybe they could bond over it.)

There's also that scene in Quiet, Please where Minkowski very directly, emphatically defends Hera's autonomy and personhood to Jacobi - and refers to her as a woman, which I think is so... reflective of how much Minkowski has come to understand Hera and what's important to her, and how she wants to be seen. That's a whole other discussion that goes into Hera's self-perception and humanity as it relates to her own identity, but. For a number of reasons, it's important to me.

Anyway. Speaking of things that are important to me. Hera and Eiffel are... Hera and Eiffel. Hera's relationship to Eiffel is the first one she's ever had that comes without hierarchy or conditions; he just... wants to hang out with her, and to get to know her, and to talk to her, because he likes her as a person. She's never had that before, and she is such... a lonely person, a person who has been hurt, who is generally distrustful, who has this distance between her and everyone else, and Eiffel is her anchor to the world. He tries to understand her. He tries to bridge that gap. And even in all of his own missteps, I think just... knowing he cares to try matters so much. I think a lot about how Eiffel is the only one who physically crosses the stage to talk to Hera in the live show; it says... something about the way he sees her, compared to everyone else.

And there's just... the way that they're both... people with a lot of self-doubt, people who have a hard time being kind to themselves, but they're kind to each other, and patient with each other. There's something about recognizing your own flaws in someone you love and treating them with kindness so maybe, over time, you can extend that same compassion to yourself. I want to be the person you believe I am. Going back to that shared experience with RSD, I think it's really valuable for both of them to have someone in their lives who they can really, genuinely believe likes them as they are. Who won't think less of them, no matter what.

I know I can get kind of sentimental about them, but this is what stands out to me. That even when Hera is frustrated or annoyed with Eiffel, when she feels like he doesn't get it, can't understand what she's going through... she still wants him around. And she still talks to him. And, usually... she still feels better, even if the circumstances haven't changed. It's an unbearable situation, but it's a little less unbearable with him there.

(They're also... frequently the only people who can get through to each other/change each other's minds, i.e. Minkowski and Lovelace deferring to Hera to get Eiffel to agree to safety protocols, or Eiffel convincing Hera to vote to go back to Earth - also a totally different topic that would take a long time to get into properly, but he's good at kind of... emotionally counteracting her cynicism and defeatism re: her own perceived fate. In a less serious context, I also love the dynamic where she tells him she's not going to do something and he goes "please??" and she goes. Ughh. Fine. And does it anyway.)

There's just something so special about their relationship, something that makes it different from any other relationship in the show for me. I feel like... Eiffel and Minkowski are both her close friends, but the way Hera thinks about Eiffel in Memoria vs. the way she thinks about Minkowski is... revealing. Everything with Minkowski has a purpose, it's clear why it matters to her. She thinks of Minkowski's faith in her. But with Eiffel, she thinks about... Eiffel talking about Star Wars. Making pop culture references. The thing that saves Hera is her connection to Eiffel and Minkowski - I'll defend that; Maxwell gives her the tools to understand what's going on, but it's Eiffel's and Minkowski's words and associated memories that she holds onto and that ultimately pull her through - and those words are... Minkowski's affirmation. And Eiffel... being Eiffel. I think that says a lot.

(If you’re asking for my opinion on their relationship, you already know I think it’s a romance, but... it’s a romance. I’m not saying it should be canon. I’m saying that that’s the most natural interpretation of what’s already there. You don’t have to change anything. They’re best friends, and they’re found family, and they are so in love, and none of those things are mutually exclusive. The way they talk to each other...)

If there's one point I want to make about all of this, it's that Hera is in a position that makes trusting people potentially very dangerous, and in all of these cases, she is finding ways to build relationships with people despite that. To understand them, and have them understand her, and realizing that the things that make her different don't have to be a death sentence. That she can have a life and find a way forward with people she cares about, who care about her... that's something very important to me.

[stilitana]

so i listened to this embarassingly quickly but let’s chalk that up to the self-isolation/working from home and leave it at that

wolf 359 reactions under the cut (spoilers):

firstly, that soundtrack was so good and i’ll be listening to those piano pieces forever

this show demonstrated the eternal power of the agatha christie principle: gather a ragtag cast of characters who’ve all got beef with each other, and trap them in a small space together. cue the instant tension and inevitable weighty revelations.

i adore that amid all the drama/action, there were so many moments when the writers let the narrative breathe a little and just allowed the characters to talk to each other, and play games with one another. the word games were delicious. these were often moments of levity and good character building, but they also all moved relationships forward or revealed something new, so don’t ever let anybody say that having chill little funny moments is useless narrative fluff. these were the best moments.

empty man cometh might be my favorite. am i alone now? and memoria were also just...so good. a lot of the mini-episodes were excellent as well, especially all the character ones. variations on a theme might be my favorite of the shorts.

normally i’m impatient and skip anything i perceive as extraneous to the central narrative, and come back to it later--im so glad i didn’t, the live episode was hilarious. ashamed that i even tried to skip change of mind because i was so impatient to see what was happening, but i felt too bad so not even five minutes into the next ep, i went back and listened to it, and that was the right move...it was so good.

every single character was fantastic. every single one. they were all complex--even the less central characters had at least a moment or two where they struck a different note, showed another side of themselves. kepler was the stand out on this front for me. i didn’t care at all about the si-5 crew when they first came in--i was actually annoyed and expected to hate them all, which is a risk you run when you introduce a bunch of new, influential characters so late in a story. they made it work so well. first i came around to maxwell, then jacobi, and finally (tbh it was his swan song) i was like, okay, kepler was a great character. they made him sympathetic without trying to retcon anything to force me to pity him or think he’d been good all along or anything. cutter and pryce were less human, so their redeeming qualities came more from being interesting. i think the voice acting plays a lot into this--cutter just on paper wouldn’t be half as fun

really impressed with how this same thing played out with lovelace--she went from this sort of mythic, predeceased character, to an antagonist, and finally to being such a central character to the crew that you could hardly imagine them without her. poor writing could have easily made her kind of character unlikable. i think characters like her often get short-changed and written as one-note action hero types who crash in and upend the narrative just to give the plot steam and provide friction. instead, she’s as fully fleshed out as the main characters, and seamlessly becomes one of them.

rip plant monster...i loved you :,(

so, the antagonists were multifaceted, and so were the protags. this could have also easily been sloppy. with eiffel especially, lazy writing would have made the reveal of his backstory super cheap, out of left field, and made you feel like you never knew him at all and leave you unable to reconnect. instead of going the route where the writer for some reason thinks they have to make their plucky protag gritty, the reveal of eiffel’s backstory doesn’t change him at all--and why should it? it’s his backstory--it already happened. instead, it only forces him and minkowski to have conversations they probably needed to have anyway, and fleshes out the reason he’s even there in the first place. on this note, it’s not ultimately his backstory that eiffel has to confront within the story as a major flaw--the backstory was a mistake in the past he’s been dealing with for years by the time we meet him. i love what they chose to do instead so much more: what he had to deal with was his current, present day behavior--how he effortlessly disrespects and belittles the people closest to him without even trying. the key there is, without trying--he has to make a decision to start. (”that’s the thing about you, eiffel--you try. you try really, really hard, and then--you stop trying” that was such a good interaction...god.) i could go on and on about how this was such a satisfying tack to take but i’m trying to cut it down. glib bastards like eiffel are so often a sort of male wish-fulfillment character where they get to say whatever the fuck they want without consequence, be lazy, be careless, and still come out on top, and still seem lovable, because hey, he’s funny. eiffel doesn’t get off that easily, and he’s a much better character for it, and so are all the others, for actually demanding better for themselves, because they know they deserve it, and because they all actually care about each other, so when they confront him, he doesn’t just shrug it off--he tries. (it takes him a minute. but he tries.)

hera broke my heart a million times i love her so much. she had so many complex inner conflicts that weren’t just boiled down to some dumbass bs like “boo hoo am i human.” her personhood is a given for the sorts of conflicts she has, as far as feeling inadequate, feeling unappreciated, like an imposter or a less-valued member of the crew. her and minkowski arguing was excellent and allowed them both a chance to be childish because hey, eiffel shouldn’t have the monopoly on that.

death was a serious thing. human life was highly valued, and its loss was never made light of. not even for antagonists (kepler, hilbert) or, in the most extreme case, pryce, who eiffel chose to make a sacrifice to defeat rather than just kill her, the one principle aside from doing as little work as possible he stood his ground on the entire story. team what’s wrong with handcuffs indeed...i just really loved that the main lead was a pacifist and that this line of thinking held sway in the narrative. it was really refreshing (i don’t think it should be--there’s just a lot of bad writing out there especially when things edge into the action genre) to see this stance on nonviolent conflict resolution wherever possible, because yeah, most people have a really hard time ending another person’s life...no shit. minkowski makes that call and deals with the fallout for the rest of the show--she’s not done dealing with it by the end, it’s going to be something she takes with her. sometimes eiffel’s passivity was depicted as a weakness, but he ultimately did diffuse a lot of situations and gave other characters the space to consider their options. i do think that sometimes the narrative’s insistence on eiffel’s dual pacifism/incompetence shifted the burden of action onto minkowski and lovelace and i’m not sure how i feel about that. i think where i’d have to look is comparing how pryce and cutter are dealt with--yeah, im willing to buy that minkowski wasn’t willing to trade all of her memories so that she wouldn’t have to kill cutter. but was she the one who had to have a body count as a conscious narrative choice, or were we just determined to maintain eiffel’s status as the sort of goofy, “innocent” one? or was that something minkowski was determined to preserve--because that’d be really sad and complicated and say way more about her than it would about him.

dear listeners. i loved everything about the dear listeners. it was everything i ever wanted from aliens trope-wise.

didn’t really get the total significance of surrogates or decima virus. those were the only two things that felt sort of hasty because the stakes suddenly went from “the lives on this space station” to “life on earth as we know it.” but apocalypse averted so whatever, the aliens just want music

i am conflicted about the fucking. amnesia. memory was SO important throughout, and questions of identity and personhood, and this is the only reason that amnesia ending didn’t enrage me. if i think about it more i’m sure there will be a lot to unpack with what’s being implied here

this has gotten REALLY long so im going to stop now and finish mindlessly entering data into excel. in short: i loved it 

[geejaysmith]

Kat and I have amazing conversations sometimes and I felt they had to be shared. Also, alienfuckers, dad jokes, Maxwell’s alternative lifestyle and other headcanons, and Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition. Full transcript under the cut.

Gill [Yesterday at 6:05 PM]: On an Unrelated topic: after the finale the crew remembers "OH YEAH, EIFFEL ACTUALLY HAD A FACE-TO-FACE CONVERSATION WITH ALIENS" and now in addition to all the other reasons to want him to Remember they're really freakin' curious to know how that went

Kat [Yesterday at 6:11 PM]: Minkowski: so what did they look like Eiffel: me (They do seem to like his body, they had a few models to choose from when talking to Cutter.)

Gill [Yesterday at 6:13 PM]: Eiffel, probably: at least the aliens think I'm cool I know what was meant by that but your phrasing made me think "In a shocking turn of events, it is the aliens who are attracted to the human." The aliens... are alienfuckers

Kat [Yesterday at 6:17 PM]: I don't think that's their jam but that WOULD be just his luck

Gill [Yesterday at 6:18 PM]: It is unlikely, but also: it would be hilarious

Kat [Yesterday at 6:21 PM]: the aliens keep sending me mental sexts and i crave death

Gill [Yesterday at 6:22 PM]: And lo another shitpost transforms into a fanfic concept, like a humble irradiated lizard becoming Godzilla: "would you fuck your clone?"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: leave him alone has the man not suffered enough

Gill [Yesterday at 6:28 PM]: No

Kat [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: sigh

Gill [Yesterday at 6:29 PM]: Dance for my amusement, Douglas And also because I earnestly suspect that in the case of Eiffel and an interested alien-consciousness-in-the-form-of-a-Xerox-copy-of-him the answer would end up being "yes"

Kat [Yesterday at 6:34 PM]: idk i feel like it'd be more like "Oh what you spend two fucking years trying to drag us into the star because you can't be assed to make an appearance but you'll teleport across the galaxy for a booty call? Fuck you and I mean that figuratively" later sluts

Gill [Yesterday at 6:36 PM]: Bob is a bad datemate Is this entire train of thought brought on by the fact I still think of the person who expressed they shipped Bob/Eiffel in the tags of the "Take your double to Disneyland" post? Perhaps

Kat [Yesterday at 6:39 PM]: i don't know that you can have this at the same time as 'what if the aliens' bodies are still the people suppressed' without it getting Fucked Up but that's your perogative I guess as long as I don't have to hear about it family can't walk w me tonight so i need to hit the treadmill for a bit. ttyl

Gill [Yesterday at 6:41 PM]: See u in a bit! But ah yes, I hadn't thought of that til you brought it up Points at one explanation of Dear Listener manifestations for some ideas, points at a different explanation for ideas that would become unintentionally Pretty Fucked Up under the first explanation Although there is comedy potential to be found in Eiffel and Eiffel-2 having the "are we down with this" conversation In the /Justin McElroy voice, "someone just discovered they have ~the world's worst fetish~" sense

Kat [Yesterday at 7:33 PM]: a different terrible concept: eiffel with his pop culture references restored will likely be called upon to testify at the united nations

Gill [Yesterday at 7:37 PM]: O h  g o d Ace Attorney: Doug Eiffel edition

Kat [Yesterday at 7:46 PM]: i mean they're gonna have to tell the world SOMEHOW and i'd think the international court would want to know and he's the one with the subconscious recall implanted sidenote if the DL can do that mental transfer could they have just... asked them to reupload whatever their most recent scan of eiffel was there are so many ways around this that's why it failed to get much of an emotional rxn from me

Gill [Yesterday at 7:47 PM]: Minkowski and Lovelace trying to get him to practice his testimony bc if they hit enough subconscious recall triggers they can at LEAST get thru an explanation of the aliens without Eiffel going off into a tangent Once they're off the Dear Listeners' script though all bets are off

Kat [Yesterday at 7:48 PM]: here's a list of preplanned questions your honor we're not responsible if you ask anything else

Gill [Yesterday at 7:51 PM]: Eiffel, maybe: now Goddard didn't send up us there to bring home any xenomorphs but let me tell you, with the Decima project? They might as WELL have let a facehugger get up close and personal with me The translators rapidly swapping notes on late 70's sci-of cinema because a handful of them actually know what he's talking about

Kat [Yesterday at 7:54 PM]: Minkowski headdesking behind him Eiffel English isn't most of these people's first languages

Gill [Yesterday at 7:57 PM]: The news cameras are all dead-focused on Eiffel. He's hit his stride and is picking up steam. "And it was right around the time I was coughing up my liquefied respiratory system that I thought to myself, gee, I'd MUCH rather get a face of alien wing-wong than deal with this!" Minkowski is off to the side. She is visibly restraining herself. No poker face in the world can hide how hard she is longing for death. Whether it is hers or Eiffel's is a subject of contentious debate.

Kat [Yesterday at 7:58 PM]: someone at an elementary school: hey Garcia, is that your dad

Gill [Yesterday at 8:01 PM]: Anne, who was four the last time she saw her father in person, gets one look at the man weaving an intricate Star Wars metaphor out of crimes against humanity and recognizes him instantly, but signs back "I have never seen this guy before in my life."

Kat [Yesterday at 8:04 PM]: good call kiddo

============

Gill [Yesterday at 8:10 PM]: Honestly I love the concept that no matter how much Eiffel may drive them up the wall sometimes the rest of the crew would meet Anne and immediately be ready to kill a man for her sake

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: as far as we know he's the only crewmember with kids women in the military... it wouldn't be easy even if you wanted one, which idk if any of them did

Gill [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: Wait wait, brainwave: it is actually AMAZING that Minkowski had no idea Eiffel had a child because... does he seem like the kind of guy. Who would ever resist a Dad Joke.

Kat [Yesterday at 8:15 PM]: haha fair

Gill [Yesterday at 8:16 PM]: Eiffel: Actually, I have amazing self-restraint when I choose to exercise it. (Various noises of disbelief.) Eiffel: have you ever heard me tell a dad joke? No? I rest my case

Kat [Yesterday at 8:21 PM]: biggest plot hole of the series more like it was too painful a memory but still

Gill [Yesterday at 8:22 PM]: If he ever patches that connection it'll open the floodgates

Kat [Yesterday at 8:26 PM]: He'll become the Maes Hughes of the gang, except with fewer war crimes

Gill [Yesterday at 8:27 PM]: ...has anyone on this crew done war crimes? SI-5 excepted of course, they have obviously done war crimes

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: yeah SI5 is war crime central I'm not sure about some of the other stuff executing a prisoner? idk about Minkowski

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Also my thought

Kat [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: she wasn't a formal pow though it was an ongoing engagement I don't know the rules

Gill [Yesterday at 8:32 PM]: Minkowski Has Done One (1) War Crime (Goddard Futuristics attempts to bring that against her in the court case only for Maxwell to stroll in like lol what's up gang)

Kat [Yesterday at 8:37 PM]: does Goddard in its current incarnation last long enough to sue anyone i mean i think you could sue them for attempted genocide

Gill [Yesterday at 8:38 PM]: Look I have had one semester of business law You were the one who almost went to law school Also re: other characters being parents, the only one I could see going kiiiinda either way on the subject is Lovelace and it wouldn't have been terribly high on her priority list prior to the Hephaestus mission I can see characters having the opinion that they could see Minkowski as a mom but she and her husband both strike me as understanding themselves and one another as being more career-oriented

Kat [Yesterday at 8:44 PM]: yeah if she wanted to rise in the ranks of the military... that would probably be a strike against her

Gill [Yesterday at 8:44 PM] And the implication she's got a Complex about her parents having both left promising careers to raise her Also, Lovelace: Well I always said I could see myself settling down someday, maybe have a family if I met the right person, but when I took the job with Goddard it was legally dubious whether I could actually do that- Eiffel: Because you're an alien? Eiffel: Eiffel: ...wait a sec

Kat [Yesterday at 8:54 PM]: ha It's ok to be gay in space

Gill [Yesterday at 8:56 PM]: Alternatively it's Hera who said that bc didn't connect those dots right away, meanwhile Eiffel saw Lovelace in a flannel shirt once and Knew Immediately Eiffel may be dumb but somehow his Bi-Fi has yet to fail him

Kat [Yesterday at 8:59 PM]: Hera doesn't grasp  human sexuality nuances

Gill [Yesterday at 9:01 PM]: Funny addition to above thought: Eiffel put together that Jacobi was gay after like three days on the Urania, was the only one on the Hephaestus crew to do so, and just never felt it was relevant to bring up Hera, my child... you have much to learn (Also, Hera, probably: I'm experimenting at the moment, I'm looking for a torrent so I can download lesbianism)

Kat [Yesterday at 9:04 PM]: I don't know which option is funnier, that Jacobi is just Really Fucking Obvious but Eiffel was the only one paying attention or that it was super subtle and everyone's like How Did You Do That lovelace's righteous fury overwhelmed her gaydar, she was too mad to go 'same hat'

Gill [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Eiffel: I have something to confess to all of you... Jacobi: Eiffel literally not a single person on this ship is straight Eiffel: Oh I was just going to recount a PG version of my wild younger days, let's just say I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:07 PM]: Jacobi on Earth: Just matched with myself on Grinder a-fucking-GAIN

Gill [Yesterday at 9:10 PM]: Jacobi: Oh I definitely picked up on it but who wants to go playing into stereotypes by speculating on what may or may not be a promiscuous history? Eiffel: Promiscuous? Look I've got notches in my belt but mostly I just ended up laying in somebody's bathtub at a house party while just conscious enough to nod along to someone else's relationship drama. Eiffel: to several sororities, I was the Gay Bathtub Wizard.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:11 PM]: Maxwell on day one of orientation: So if SI5 is paramilitary what's their stance on alternative lifestyles? Jacobi: I was recruited in a gay bar.

Gill [Yesterday at 9:12 PM]: Her asking the question has my brain going in several different directions

Kat [Yesterday at 9:13 PM]: I think she was recruited right after dadt was repealed... if obama exists in this universe fantasy obama

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: One part of my brain: Maxwell is also gay Another part of my brain: Maxwell is exclusively attracted to nonhuman persons Yet another part of my brain, most adjacent to number #2: Maxwell voice, who in their right mind would build a robot that can't fuck? The 4th part of my brain: Maxwell wants to know how chill they'll be with her living exclusively off energy drinks and frozen yogurt for weeks at a time

Kat [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: honestly I figured whatever it was it was MUCH weirder than just being gay

Gill [Yesterday at 9:15 PM]: Maxwell: I have plans to take over the world with my army of battle bots and rule as their robot queen.

Kat [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Maxwell: wait if you were recruited in a gay bar does that mean our boss frequents those or did he just go there to get you Jacobi: Believe me the question haunts me also Jacobi: sounds great i'm in

Gill [Yesterday at 9:16 PM]: Or, Maxwell: I am not joking for an instant when I say that I for one welcome our alien overlords "When I was 13 I tried to get myself abducted by aliens" except it's not a joke it's an actual minor headcanon of mine Also I almost typed "adopted" rather than "abducted" which shows you why Alana would probably want to do that

Kat [Yesterday at 9:19 PM]: she did say she's on bad terms with her family

Gill [Yesterday at 9:20 PM]: She grew up a pastor's kid in a tiny rural town in Montana, hearing that they don't get along is the furthest thing from a surprise to me. The surprise is that Maxwell has a restraining order against them

Kat [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: tht implies the court found reasonable cause to issue one wack anyway i had a long day, i'm gonna call it a night

Gill [Yesterday at 9:21 PM]: o/ But yeah that Maxwell empathizes with nonhumans, apparently more than with most regular humans, that makes perfect sense to me I can see her frustration with the AI Ethics board in her last job Expressing Their Concerns and her suppressing flashbacks to many a Creationist rant, and trying to keep her eye from twitching visibly, and no I am not projecting I am just coloring in blank spaces in the narrative with my relevant life experience

[whumpitywhumpwhump]

Ummmmm hi just wanna pop in and show some love for the only other person who’s HERE FOR whump in the w359 fandom

UMMMMM YESSS I am extremely here for it! I don't think there's a way to listen to that whole podcast and not be itching to whump each and every one of those precious beans! 

Minkowski? Yes, of course! You gotta whump the team leader, especially when she's such a hardass but loves her team so much and honestly whumping her is just supreme 

Eiffel? Sarcastic boy extraordinaire? Literally whumping him is great because I am 100% convinced that he's the type to whine for years about a papercut but keep an actually serious wound on the DL-- also he seems like the type to try to play off how serious it is--so good--i love my boi on literally every level 

Hera? Get you some of that sweet sweet AI whump! Definitely a different task because of her lack of human body, but really, that just opens up the potential-- she's running through an entire ship! Crash it into stuff! Let Hilbert or Maxwell do their nefarious work! Exploit what Pryce did to her! 

Hilbert? Silent, stoic, he's not exactly a friend, but if he were to get hurt... well let's just say there are limited options for people to turn to in outer space 

Lovelace? I LITERALLY cannot stress enough how perfect I find Isabelle Lovelace. She's a badass, she's funny, she's the woman who looks death in the face and dares it to flinch first! What with her whole 'Dear Listeners' existence, you also have a ton of potential for what she can go through and live (just make sure to properly toggle the power switch on your psy wave regulator!!!)! I actively would die for her, she's amazing and I love her so much 

Maxwell? Well-meaning but too confident in her own abilities, too driven to the goal? Perfect target for emotional whump, especially along the lines of 'how far will you go to follow orders/complete the mission?' and 'what exactly are you willing to do to your friends/where do you draw the line?' 

Jacobi? Ahhhh this bitch! He is cynical and so so very sarcastic in his own way and I adore hearing him gripe about literally anything. You've got plenty of room for physical whump for a guy whose job is blowing things up carefully, but also tons of emotional whump with Maxwell and with Keppler and honestly? In the podcast Jacobi whump is the gift that keeps on giving 

and potential whumpers in the show are so great 

I mean you start with the good Doctor Hilbert (med!whump, anyone?) 

Then you get Keppler (b i t c h). You know he'd hurt just about anyone without flinching-- it's a little wild how unflappable he is! And you can have side!whumpers in Maxwell and Jacobi which is so good because you whump them and have them whump at the SAME. DAMN. TIME. 

And then. AND THEN. Cutter and Pryce are the ultimate pair-- they are so evil but especially Cutter comes off so pleasant but you know he'd end you as soon as you're inconvenient. And Pryce will disdain you the entire time you're in contact and she will end you just cause tbh 

 And I mean the setting? Space? Literally outer space? There are explosions and air locks and guns and a literal harpoon? There's just,,,, sooooo much 

There's so much potential whump and genuinely? They deliver on nearly every point 

Literally Wolf359 is the whumpy treasure we deserve 

(and also this podcast is legit the love of my life)

[gemsofthegalaxy]

Another AU i’ll probably never write and I don’t think I’ve ever brought up before? but it was one of my first, maybe THE first au I came up with for wolf 359 (@arsenicandnewlace might remember when I was first texting them about it lol)

Road trip AU. It starts with Doug, Minkowski, and Hilbert setting out in a van (not exactly sure why? Maybe they were chosen as Goddard Employees to do a series of site visits? i have no idea) and ‘Hera’ is the name of the vann’s GPS that seems like.... a little too intelligent for a GPS but y’know whatever? 

It’s an... interesting journey. They all find out very quickly what each other’s music preferences are and whether they’re compatible or not (hint: for the most part, they’re Not) though Doug will listen to anything he likes to pick music that annoys the others because, well, it’s funny

I can’t remember how we originally said Lovelace joins the group but I think maybe she was making a similar trip but fell off the beaten path and her vehicle broke down and thus she had to join them? Hmm. Unsure

and I think we also said that it eventually became apparent that they were making a lot of the same pit stops as this other group of people, and the two groups eventually confront each other and it turns out to be Kepler, Jacobi, and Maxwell (other employees of the same company) 

idk what it all entails other than that but I think it’s a pretty fun concept to send out into the void

[meltedwaxwingsneverfly]

IN LOVE WITH THE ART!!

We def went into the idea in different ways!! /pos

You see Eiffel, in this AU, as intentionally incompetent, while I'm thinking of Maxwell and Jacobi being in a room, meeting each other for the first time, and Cutter or Young walks in, announces Doug as their commanding officer, and then it's this dumbass that probably can't shoot a gun straight, but damn he's really good at getting people to care and love and trust him (intentionally or otherwise) Doug tries to be a commanding officer, and while he is on paper, Maxwell and Jacobi have to haul ass to make his plans and ideas actually work in real life context.

And about the time travel, I'm a sucker for them, and a lot of what I have running in my brain right now is Lovelace's crew either being sent to Minkowski's crew's time (around the time of Eiffel's Never Ending Nightmare) or vice versa (nix the Eiffel thing)

Like-- Lovelace's crew finds themselves in the future (probably due to something in a storage box), and they are just like, "wtf we died?? selberg is EVIL?? CAPTAIN LOVELACE IS SERIOUS?????????"

And idk I think it's funny

And the potential for angst amongst our Lovelace and her dead crew is perfection, especially with Lambert

Minkowski would 1. Love the extra hands and 2. Appreciate Lambert's competence

OR

We could set Lovelace's crew coming back sometime BEFORE our Lovelace actually comes in and when they meet her for the first time they're so confused and worried, especially cuz they heard the tapes with Minkowski and Eiffel and them.

They would see Eiffel get ejected at the last second

They would see how messed up Lovelace gets watching another person on her crew "die", and it being her fault.

I tend to lean more towards the fix-it side of things it seems

SI-5 Eiffel is cool as hell, but y'all are sleeping on Comms Officer Kepler. in this essay I will-

[tlcrescuepa]

New Post has been published on To Love a Canine Rescue

New Post has been published on https://tlcrescuepa.com/week-end-update-a-higher-calling/

Week-End Update: A Higher Calling

I think we can all agree that dogs are pretty amazing animals. They are capable of giving an inordinate amount of love to make our lives better. They are members of our family and, for many, being our constant companions and providing us with emotional support is a job for which they are well-equipped without any special training at all. Some, however, seem to have a special calling and ability to train to become a service dog and what they can do in that role is monumental to their human. This week, Abbey & Gail both took their first step towards their ultimate goal of becoming service dogs: they met the humans who will work with trainers to help them achieve the esteemed rank of service dog.

Our buddy, “Big Max” the Beagle-Border Collie mix also found his perfect furever family as did Arabelle, Moses, Razberry, William (now Finnegan), Zelda, Zola & Zion! Zelda & Zola would like to thank Coldwell Banker for their annual Homes For Dogs event since their met their new families at the event!

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Abbey

Arabelle

Max

Moses

Razberry

William now Finnegan

Zelda

Zion

Zola

Gail

  It was a busy week-end for us with the fun Upper Providence Community Day event on Saturday and a few of our pups did some meeting & greeting at the dedication of  Mandy’s Memorial Playground in Phoenxville this afternoon. We were honored to be invited as our pups know that, if you can’t be as lucky as Dodger FKA Jacoby & Bailey (FKA Buttercup) were to be adopted by a DiGirolomo, you may be lucky enough to be DiGirolomo adjacent by getting adopted by a friend or neighbor of the family. If you’re in the area, the playground is a bright, colorful and safe space for the kids to play and a great addition to the community.

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  We also have some nice updates to share as well:

Maverick FKA Legend

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“Hi there! 

Thought you guys might enjoy some pictures of our big baby. Maverick (previously legend) is 7 months now and almost 60lbs! He loves his off leash hikes, playing tug of war, meeting new people, playing with other dogs and belly rubs! 

  We were curious if you have any pictures of his brother icon. If so we’d love to see. “

  Rocky FKA Patrick

Rocky FKA Patrick

“Rocky (formerly Patrick) is excited for football season”

          Leia FKA Gwen

“Leia’s up to 11lbs 14oz at 3 months. She’s a sweetie. Spunky and cuddly. She’s had 2 puppy classes and now knows “sit” & “down”

  I had her DNA tested to see what her “breed” is composed of:  25% German Shepherd, 12.5% each- chow, boxer, and lab, 37.5% mixed breed (terrier, herding, Asian, & middle eastern).”

  Dolly FKA Ivory

Dolly FKA Ivory

“Perfect fit.”

        Jax FKA Checkers

“We have renamed Checkers his new name is Jax.  He is settling in great.  He and Boone are doing very good together we brought Jax home on Wednesday and Boone did okay but Sunday was a real turning point he actually let Jax lay with him now the cuddle on the bed and Boone’s “chair”.  Of course they are like little kids and if one has a toy the other wants it so but I couldn’t be more pleased with the transition. I definitely send you some pictures.

Thanks for checking in and for all the Great Work you do to get all the animals great forever homes.”

  Jax FKA Spuddy

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”Jax is doing great! His nickname is shadow because he follows us everywhere. He is always so happy, tail wagging and smiley. 

Jax gets along with all animals and people. One of the best parts of my day is waking up to his huge wet Pyr nose in my face.  He has put on a good amount of weight and is starting to look like a healthy mature Pyr 🙂 He also graduated from the crate and is allow to roam the house when we aren’t home. 

We recently started fostering puppies through TLC and Jax has been a great playmate and role model. Can you remember the Jax we brought home? You wouldn’t recognize this well behaved dog! He was the perfect addition to our family and we are very grateful for everything TLC does to help save these sweet pups. 

Here are a few recent pictures! “

  Dean

“Dean is doing very well, and I couldn’t be more happy with him.  He’s super smart and already picking up on the housebreaking training I’ve begun.  He’ll be staying Dean, by the way…I just love the name.  He loves my two kitties and hey love him back…they’ve been running around the house together.  I’ll be sure to post pictures to TLC’s Facebook page periodically. 

He’ll be visiting the vet next week for an initial check up, and I’ll be bringing copies of all his medical records.  Once he’s old enough to be neutered, and the procedure is done, I’ll contact you to coordinate the refund of that neuter fee.

I haven’t checked the microchip info, but will do so ASAP and make any changes should they be necessary.

Thank you and your team for bringing him into my life.  He’s already brought lots of joy to my every day.”

  Leo FKA Dillon

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“We ended up renaming Dillon to Leo. He is absolutely the best pup and is doing so incredibly well ! We are so impressed by him every day. We had our Vet checkup this past Saturday and will be going back in 3 weeks for some more shots. Our vet recommended to wait till Leo is 6 months old to get him neutered. I’ve attached a couple pictures of Leo for you guys !

Thanks so much !”

  Bailey

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“Thanks for following up! Bailey is staying Bailey, and she is doing well! She settled pretty quickly into our family, and we’ve started to learn her likes (chewtoys, sticks, peanut butter) and her dislikes (going outside in the rain!)

She has her first vet appointment this Thursday, and we have signed her up for insurance through PetPlan. She’s been very good at learning good doggie behavior, but we’re hoping to reach out to trainers soon to help work on her jumping. We are so lucky to have found her, and we can’t thank you enough for matching us up with her.

We have a few pictures attached to this email as well.”

  Maxwell (2017’s Saving Southern Souls dog)

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“Max is settling in well! We have been visiting the dog park daily along with daily walks. We have a vet appointment scheduled for this Friday. We have been working on training- Max now wears a gentle leader on walks due to pulling, but is becoming more comfortable with it. I am also working with him on basic commands. Thank you again for bringing him into my life!!”

  Kurt

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“Thank you so much for your email. Kurt is doing great. We decided to keep his name. He is such a sweet puppy. The entire family is in love with him…he is already good friend with our neighbor’s dog and loves to walk to school with all the kids. “

  Pebbles FKA Cookie

“Cookie is doing well, she quickly learns what we expect of her and slept all night in a crate next to the crate of our 2 other dogs.  Since we always ask the dogs if they want a “Cookie” we figured it would be best to change her name.  Yesterday we decided on Pebbles and she seems to respond to it already.  We have a vet appointment for her next Wednesday.  I was going to take her to Berks County Dog Training Club but it is the same night as Freckles Agility Training, I am looking for another place to take her.  I completely agree that training is necessary.

All my dogs, current and past, have had training for obedience, therapy dogs, CGC and agility training.  I will most likely take Pebbles for agility training after Freckles is finished.  

One of the best benefits of getting Pebbles is that she and Freckles (the rescue that we got last Sept.  and is afraid of dogs) get along famously and Freckles is even playing with her.  I will try to get some pictures of the 3 dogs together

If Freckles and Pebbles get a little too wild and start growling at each other our 10 year old pom will go and stand between them, it is so funny, he just stands there until they stop then goes and lays down.  I think that she is the perfect addition to our house.”

  For those of you who aren’t on Facebook, we had some nice updates posted to our Facebook page

Cali FKA Carolina

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“Hello to love a canine rescue. Back in April we adopted a beautiful puppy by the name of Carolina. Thought you might like some pictures of her since she has grown a lot. We have since changed her name to Cali.”

    We can’t believe that’s been a whole year since Angeline’s fluffballs were adopted. We knew they’d get big and we were right . . .

Utley FKA Bentley

Utley FKA Bentley

“What a year! Today marks the one year anniversary of when we adopted Utley! He has made his mark on our family and we can’t imagine life without him“

[clonerightsagenda]

I've talked about this on discord, but an interesting wrinkle in Jacobi and Maxwell's relationship for me is that Jacobi does not seem to view AIs as people.

Maxwell does, or claims to, although she's perfectly willing to betray and manipulate AIs if she needs to. She's willing to betray, manipulate, and kill humans too, after all! I honestly feel like she thinks her respect for AIs gives her more leeway - she understands them! She appreciates them! She knows what's best for them, so won't you hold still and let her fix your brain already.

Jacobi, on the other hand, does not. He's the first to suggest replacing Hera with a dummy program and seems entirely unfazed about the implications. He's betting against Hera keeping it together, again with no sense that he is wagering on someone's death. The Jacobis in "Time to Kill" should be functionally identical, but the outside one - who is under a lot more stress and might not choose his words as carefully - refers to the AI Maxwell asks about as "it" rather than "he". He lashes out at Hera over how Maxwell "wouldn't shut up" about her "talking toys" and says Hera isn't a real person.

As I mentioned, I get the impression he watched his words around Maxwell, and we only see them clash over this briefly in "Limbo" before he backs her surgery attempt because even if he doesn't agree with her perspective, he supports her as a colleague. But it is an interesting tension. This post is not about Kepler because I don't feel like talking about him, but I think key moments indicate he also doesn't view AIs as having equal personhood and agency as humans, but your boss not sharing your perspective and politics is par for the course. Your ride or die work friend who promises to always have your back thinking your entire professional philosophy is bullshit... that has to sting a little, right? Even if they mostly seem to steer around it.

And of course what's funny is in the end Maxwell stabs Hera in the back and leaves her wondering how much of her claims of caring were true, and Jacobi.... well, he and Hera have that tense conversation about dummy programs that doesn't get a verbal resolution, but when the station is 15 minutes from falling into the star and he's got a bunch of unconscious bodies and amnesiacs to wrangle, he takes the time to transfer her to the Urania. He didn't have to. The Urania flies fine without a mother program. But he does. Is this because his journey in the final season involves realizing when he's wrong and taking moral responsibility for his choices? Or is it because he mostly assigns value to people by whether they're on his team? Debatable. However I like to think Maxwell would be a little smug about it.

[clonerightsagenda]

I was going to save this for one of my podcast girls week entries, but I wrote it out and then thought, why sit on it, so here is today's ladies night content before I go on a walk: Alien zombie Alana Maxwell is an underutilized concept and here's why.

She'd be cool with it. Maxwell works with AI who are ported between containers without that changing who they are, so she's primed to view her mind and memories being rebooted in a new container similarly. I don't think she'd have any identity crises. Also, her dad was a preacher, she's not on good terms with her family, and she tried to ditch the holiday party, which makes me guess she's ex-Christian. How better to spite your Christian parents than coming back from the dead in a distinctly non-God honoring way? This could generate some interesting conflict with Lovelace, who is significantly less cool with it and might be annoyed and dismayed to see someone else taking alien resurrection in stride. Bonus points considering I hc Lovelace as being raised Catholic and the soul question being an additional level of identity angst that Maxwell immediately dismisses.

The aliens have motive. It's clear that watching through their surrogates' eyes doesn't mean they understand what they see. Once Lovelace gets back to Earth, they might want help with context. They seem to have grasped that humans don't like multiple copies of a person running around, and of the others they have on file, they dislike Kepler and Cutter, and Rachel and Riemann were there when Cutter killed one of their meatsuits, so Maxwell seems like the one they'd have the least aversion to. Then she would immediately try to talk them into roadtripping to see things in person, which is how we can get all the other interactions I'm describing.

The aliens have opportunity. It's not stated what the crew did with Maxwell's body, but the likely options are either tossing her into the star or freezing her on the station, which later went into the star. Lovelace was frozen (albeit alive) when she got scanned, and Word of God is that the Dear Listeners are perfectly capable of creating a functioning surrogate from a corpse. If you don't want to go that angle, almost everyone got hit by multiple rounds of stellar activity in "Persuasion". However, the corpse angle creates an opening for...

Fun body horror. I am a 'came back wrong' enjoyer and think it would be very good if the aliens got their scanned corpse up and running but didn't fuss too much about the cosmetic stuff. Maxwell's skin is colder than it ought to be. She has a gnarly scar on her forehead. Neither of these bother her much, but she's not a fan of the tingling neuropathy left over from tissue damage or the brain fog from the bullet that went through her head. (A fun parallel to the issue she first helped Hera with. Hera is now in the brain damage club with Doug, Miranda, and Maxwell. She hates this.) She can fun-terrorize Jacobi with perma-cold hands and real-terrorize Minkowski by making her look at the hole in her head. She's honestly over it but it's still funny to watch her squirm.

The Hera thing. Hera was furious with Maxwell immediately after the mutiny, and although her opinions softened near the end of the show, I think she'd be furious again if Maxwell actually showed up. She embraced non-human solidarity with Lovelace and now here's Maxwell. What is she supposed to do, have non-human solidarity with her too?? Did Maxwell become an alien to spite her??? The nerve. I got the impression that Maxwell saw her actions during the mutiny as for Hera's own good - better than deleting her, right? - just as she was willing to ignore Hera's wishes and erase her memories in Memoria. She'd probably insist on that if they had a chance to argue about it, and I could see Hera throwing the restraining bolt incident in her face. ("If you're so comfortable putting something into people's brains to make them more useful to you, I'm sure you won't mind hearing how Jacobi got that scar on the back of his neck.") Could be juicy, is my point.

Meanwhile, Jacobi: Of course this is my very good friend Maxwell back from the dead. Yes this has implications for the version of myself I listened to die screaming. No I'm not going to unpack that.

Finally, I think it's a missed opportunity that Pryce and Maxwell never got to meet. I suspect pre-mutiny Maxwell would want to believe she was ethically better than Pryce while pre-finale Pryce would see Maxwell as a bleeding heart amateur, but after all that? I think they'd still get each other's hackles up, but there's room for some interesting interaction, especially as I think Miranda's memories would start trickling back after a while, and immortal alien surrogate Maxwell is basically her white whale. Miranda trying to navigate social niceties enough to determine an acceptable way to ask someone for tissue samples. Maxwell might be willing to swap some for custody over a few of Pryce’s experimental AIs.

In conclusion, while I enjoy postcanon scenarios dissecting people's trauma, I think it's fun if while everyone else is grappling with the Horrors, Maxwell is also there enjoying herself. *commercial voice* Add an alien Maxwell to YOUR postcanon today.

[elexuscal]

#Yesssss#Minkowski was happily married! To a man she loved!!!! HOW is her apparent ‘real soulmate’ the most infuriating obnoxious jerk she’s ever me#Eiffel meanwhile figures it out partially because happy monogomous picket fence romance is hellish to him#And Minkowski is driving up the fucking wall#and Jacobi and Maxwell seem to think it’s funny#Hera also gets to say ‘not a girl!’ which I think would be fun#All are psyched to abandon this and help Lovelace jailbreak the afterlife#Wolf 359#Wolf 359 spoilers

I still sometimes think about how well W359 would work in a The Good Place AU since Minkowski and Eiffel were already hired to torment each other. Minkowski and Eiffel get dumped into a neighborhood as assigned soulmates, Eiffel under false pretenses. Hera is Janet, obviously. Eris is Bad Janet. Hilbert is Michael and already on his second chance, which they don't find out about until Isabel Lovelace shows up in their nice, manicured neighborhood covered in scorch marks and carrying a pitchfork she stole from a demon demanding they help her rescue the rest of her friends. That's as far as my imagination ever went beyond that Jacobi and Maxwell are demons pretending to be another pair of soulmates in the neighborhood and doing a horrendous job of it, but Minkowski and Eiffel mostly don't notice because they've got their own problems.

[clonerightsagenda]

#Yesssss #Minkowski was happily married! To a man she loved!!!! HOW is her apparent ‘real soulmate’ the most infuriating obnoxious jerk she’s ever met #Eiffel meanwhile figures it out partially because happy monogomous picket fence romance is hellish to him #And Minkowski is driving him up the fucking wall #and Jacobi and Maxwell seem to think it’s funny #Hera also gets to say ‘not a girl!’ which I think would be fun #All are psyched to abandon this and help Lovelace jailbreak the afterlife

Speedrunning identifying the afterlife con being played on you by being too aromantic for this shit

I still sometimes think about how well W359 would work in a The Good Place AU since Minkowski and Eiffel were already hired to torment each other. Minkowski and Eiffel get dumped into a neighborhood as assigned soulmates, Eiffel under false pretenses. Hera is Janet, obviously. Eris is Bad Janet. Hilbert is Michael and already on his second chance, which they don't find out about until Isabel Lovelace shows up in their nice, manicured neighborhood covered in scorch marks and carrying a pitchfork she stole from a demon demanding they help her rescue the rest of her friends. That's as far as my imagination ever went beyond that Jacobi and Maxwell are demons pretending to be another pair of soulmates in the neighborhood and doing a horrendous job of it, but Minkowski and Eiffel mostly don't notice because they've got their own problems.