#and Im saying this as someone who CANNOT watch something if either the story or the quality of the content is downright awful

[taradactylus]

SAME SAME SAMEEEE

It appeared at first to be sm stupid honestly with way too many videos for me, and it was scaring me away (when I decided to watch the show the VRchat episodes had 282 episodes). I thought I'd never catch up on the series... then I saw the animatics. Eclipse fanart. And looked a tiny bit into a lore explaining video. That video was over 1 hour long. So I thought damn it, after 10 minutes into the lore, I decided I'll give it a try.

It took me two weeks of technically watching the episodes non stop, meanwhile I doodled a lot AND HOLY SHIT HOW WORTH IT WAS TO WATCH IT!

Seriously, if you haven't seen the webseries yet but you love Sun and Moon and want more content... do it. It takes time to catch up on the show, but thank god even the show already made a quick lore explaining video where they round back the most important things that happened so far in a 20 minute long video. As somebody who learned and studied how to write good story, I am genuenly fangirling NON-STOP over every character's psychology and role in the story. Yes, it's VRchat, not the greatest quality of content making, this is not an animated series. But ohgod the time and effort they put into every video is mind-blowing for me, and even though it's VRchat, THE QUALITY IS AWESOME

So... watch it. Support the show. New ppl are welcome all the time

Me before I watched tsams: Oh god the clickbait kid's channels found security breach. Why does youtube keep recommending me this?

Me after I watched tsams: Almost all my waking thoughts are about this show, this thing has consumed me whole.

[magicalmanhattanproject]

okay im insane in the head again time for more 2b2t worldbuilding

so a way long time ago now, baghera and fit had a conversation where baghera said she didn't know who the good guys and bad guys are anymore and fit just sort of agreed with her. using my massive genius brain that knows fit's cubito better than fit himself does, i have deduced that he was lying

the idea of "good guys" and "bad guys" isn't something that 2b2t puts much stock in. it doesn't hold much weight in a world where the whole point is that it's every man for himself and griefers and hackers have free reign.

instead, interpersonal relationships function on a simple matrix. are you with me or are you against me? can i trust you or not? that's how you decide who to break bread with, who to let into your base, who to fight alongside and who to stab in the back

first question you may have: how do you figure out who you can trust? well, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? the way fit explains it, it depends mostly on what you need to trust them for. take fit himself. he's a pretty standup guy, by 2b2t standards. he's a straight shooter, for hte most part. doesn't backstab much (it doesn't count if you have good reason to think they'd backstab you first, by the way). everyone on 2b2t knows he'll take your secrets to your grave if you ask him to. everyone knows he won't take them any farther than that. what can he say? he likes the fofoca

if you want a guy who can tell your story to the world and make sure you aren't forgotten in the writhing sea of chaos, he's your guy. if you want someone who will never breathe a word of it, he's really not.

consistency is king in the world of chaos "sure, i betrayed him, but i'd never betray you" is the sort of line to get you betrayed first. you either split your loyalties between a bunch of warring factions and hope they never go to war (they will) or you put all your eggs in one basket while the farmer is having a mental break and throwing egg baskets out of the truck at random. or you do what fit does and eschew strength in numbers entirely and dangle yourself like a juicy steak in front of every roving band waiting to prey on lone travelers

you do what fit does and get good at cutting your losses and going to ground

these are the facts: you are being watched. you cannot shake your pursuers. there is no strength to be found in numbers. there is no safety to be found alone. there is no such thing as an ally

these are the facts: if you name a mob, it will die. if you don't name a mob, it will die anyway.

these are the facts: your son, your beautiful boy made in heaven by god himself, only got two things from spreen. a (pretty nice, to be fair) basement roller coaster and a name.

these are the facts: you are not strong enough to keep ramón alive on your own. you are not strong enough to let him die.

these are the facts: if you place a block at your feet, an end crystal won't do enough damage to kill you. this fact will save your life. it won't save your arm as the lavacast topples down on you.

these are the facts: cutting yourself free from the rubble will hurt. it is human nature to avoid pain. you hope that if you wait long enough, someone will come along and save you.

these are the facts: no one will.

the way things work on 2b2t, fit will tell anyone who cares to listen, is that you always trust that people will be untrustworthy. everyone is a traitor and a backstabber and everyone knows it. you don't have to bother trying to figure out who's a good guy or a bad guy.

[frankendykez]

What r ur oc stories about?

OMG HIHI I NEVER HAD SOMEONE OUTSIDE OF MY CURRENT FRIENDS ACTUALLY ASK BEFORE UMMMM OKAY SO. i have 3! main oc stories that i Really care about at the moment but im Deeply fixated on mainly 1 of them but im gonna start with the one ive been liek "promoting" the most in a sense!! under read more cuz im gonna try to exlain all three of them bless. sorry if i seem overly passionate oops i was TRYING to summarise im sorry its so long u rlly dont Have to read All of it

Forgotten Man's Symphony

his (louis manoir) character is basically a spin off from a character mentioned in the novel frankensetin exactly (1) time by name in elizabeth's letter and by far he is the most organised oc of mine cuz we do actually have a clean, understandable summary doc (thought it is a tad bit outdated but its okay). shes like the most Normal narrative-wise i suppose so i'm not exactly sure on how to explain the plot of forgotten man's symphony it's just like??? him ruining his life in front of the reader and then #Healing?? i guess?? the story is an epistolary that starts with louis' Suicide Letter. so like. yeah. BUT!! i suppose i would say his story very much concerns the concept of like identity (including gender and such she would be considred either transfemme/bigender by the modern world but also idfk cuz i made her complicated and confusing on purpose) and also the lack thereof + the negative impact that comes with trying so hard to fit into the societal norms and what people Want you to be but you just Can't be, cutting away bits of yourself to fit through some sort of hole representing the perfect version of you until theres nothing left of Who You Are expect a palatable and small version yk?? and the the endless pursuit of wanting to be loved that leads yourself to changing and changing for people who just wont care or love you for realsies + @rosaniruby 's words "making it even like that so its not YOU who is loving and being loved but the dim visage of a version of you that fits the picture of what society loves; that it's not a love between individuals, it's the love for a society that cannot ever love anything because it was made to hate. and who believes that portrayal of love will not find it and forever be stuck. smth like society loves what it deems as perfect and hates the imperfect, since perfect doesn't exist it can only do the second one. and louis wanted to love perfect victor, hated his own imperfect self. but the perfect victor doesnt exists, and neither does any version of louis."

i like her he's great. sorry if that was less telling u WHAT his story is and more like Explaining the "themes" as theyre called of the story but idrk how to describe nromal stuff so TAKE WHAT U CAN GET!!! anyways,

Domus Carnis: The Transmutation of Guinevere Manor

idk if you're aware but i have a hyperfix on architectural horror and i DON'T MEAN SCARY GHOSTS AND SERIAL ILLERS IN AN ABANDONED HOUSE I MEAN HAUNTED HOUSES THAT ARE ALIVE THAT IS A METAPHOR FOR PTSD FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA ETC ETC!! this story By making it started my whole obsession with the House it's crazy... scary even.. (i recommend you watch jacob geller's video essay about houses) i really do like domus carnis but it's. Messy to say the least. i do feel as if i ought to change the time period it's set in to avoid talking about the wars going on in the time period i accidentally set it in without realising but im procrastinating on that rn. it was Suppose to be late 1800s to early 1900s..

in a few simple words: flesh-and-bone made lesbian sex house. does that get your attention yet. bless

domus carnis (which literally means flesh house in latin or something) will be written in the POV of a 40ish year old widowed woman by the name of harriet wren's diary entries, occasionally switching to the POV of her 20-something year old godson percival who is like old timey jake paul and hes like either a journalistt or a radio host depending if i choose to change the time period or not. we follow them after harriet's husband dies of whatever and they find out he has a large property in a foreign country of which they had not known of prior

somewhere in germany there is a house of ex-aristocrats that no longer live there that is Alive. the House becomes alive because it is in a sense "possesed" (not haunted) the ghost of kathryna von guinevere who was the last one to die in the house, who, in life, was incredibly obsessed with The House for reasons that i fear are too long to explain without boring you and going into info pre-story?? anyways, when she "posseses" the house, the materials of the house shift to flesh, blood and bone because it Materially becomes her body. now, it would be hard to accurately label what represents what body part, because it's all strangely jumbled up and isn't like really human anatomy either cuz kathryna Can in fact see inside herself?? anyways whatever. now, the house is now both her body AND her mind. i have taken the phrase "haunted by memories/trauma" and turned it literal. the house IS haunted, but most of the ghosts aren't ghosts, theyre mostly all manifestation of Memory from her life because she actively is replaying the speech and actions of other people IN her mind to process the (typically traumatic) events of which she's seen or experienced. the ghosts CANNOT do as they please because they only exist at all Due to kathryna remembering them in these specific scenes. the hauntings include scenes of people, sounds, and shadows. unless the "scene" has a mirror, you cannot see kathy directly because you are witnessin things through HER eyes, which makes memories from wee childhood interesting because im wondering if i should make the "people" seem wayy bigger than the viewer if stuff is replayed from childhood..

i really like the fact that a lot of this is based on memory because it opens a lot of doors to me when it comes to the appearance of hauntings. my friend showed me this video depicting neurons forgetting how a face looks like, and i feel as if i could use that in the story because well, realistically kathy isnt going to have a Pristine memory cuz she Was just a human before, not to mention the fact shes already suppose to have issues on facial recognition/rememberance (my friend with these sisues suggetsed htis). the alteration of the ghosts' bodies could be fucked with even more if i try to make use and research into the way that people (mostly children) can in fact like.... change the image of something traumatic in their brain and make it less scary bc the brain is trying to protect them? yeah. AND ALSO the fact that a lot of people forgets certain aspects of their trauma due to their brain trying to protect them as well but still have this feeling of Unease when it comes o specific things that they cant explain, i could incorporate this feeling in certain areas of the House, the strange uneasiness. i experience that myself so i hope ill portray it right!!

i Think that's it?? at least that should be the bare bones of the story... i have a pin board tho if u want to check it out!!

The Epinicium

THIS is the stupid fucking thnag thats ruining my entire life rn. i love it i hate it whagever man. THIS ONE ill keep short and simple because im too fucking mentally ill about it to explain in depth without being asked questions

so basically its fantasy world but not like. Completely new high fantasy i very loosely based the countries off of like real countries and stuff bc lazy as shite so its like mid fantasy maybe HOWEVER

basically its set in this world where theres a shit ton of religions and gods and shit and theres three categories of religions (the world is veyr uhnm. Categorical idk): earth, science and the arts. basically the arts religions are the majority and the gods of those religions are called the muses so thats what i'll be calling them from now on. the basic plot of epinicium is about the muses of the music religion declaring that humanity doesnt treat music as "holy enough" anymore and taking it away as a whole (songbirds go extinct as well which is importnat) which also fucks up the other arts religionsdue to the fact that artforms are very connected but they still exist yk and centuries later our main cast attempts to bring it back!!! we have this server with a channel that has the "summary" but its not a real summary its just an already outdated infodump but we are Trying to fill this doc but we're failing really hard but friendship is magic idk.

fin.

anyways thats. pretty much it i think im sorry its too long once again 😭😭 feel free to ask question esp on the epinicium!! id love to hear abt ur ocs btw ive yapped so much oops

[alliepretends]

been thinking about your post on aromanticism and fandom with riz, and before i say anything else, i want you to know that I 100% agree with you. my primary interaction with fandom is through ao3 and fanfiction, and the heavy focus on shipping and romance has shaped what fandoms i choose to actively read fanfiction for: because I do not want to read romance heavy stories, I'll interact with fandoms/fanfic on a much higher level for fandoms that contain a large amount of gen works, regardless of how much i enjoy the source content in comparison.

within d20 fanfic, out of the 1167 fics with the Riz Gukgak character tag, only 89 of those fics have the aromantic asexual Riz Gukgak tag, and within the 95 fics total that have the aroace Riz tag (apparently there are fics with the aroace riz tag without tagging him as a character?), 18 of those 95 fics are tagged with Riz/Fabian, but only 12 are tagged Riz Gukgak-centric. In d20 fic overall, Riz/Fabian currently comes in as the most written relationship, with 365 fics. The highest written platonic relationship is Adaine & Aelwyn, who are sisters. As someone who personally, also does not like fabriz, queerplatonic or otherwise, and primarily enjoys reading about platonic relationships, this is, not gonna lie, disappointing to me.

However, like you said, it IS incredibly important for the aroace people who DO want to have/see qprs represented to get that! I want them to have it, and im incredibly happy for them that they do! yes, it's not something that i would enjoy, (it just doesn't align with my interpretations of either character) but like you said, a lot of aroace people find qprs to be an integral part of their experience, and seeing stuff get represented is so, so important!

this brings me to my actual point: you talk about how fandom falling in with your (and mine, i agree. you've encapsulated how i feel about riz.) point of view, this would end up alienating other aroace people who don't share the same view, or experience in their identities, and I don't want that either! The thing is, to me at least, that's just not how fandom works! Yes, in canon, if they confirm riz to be aroace (please please please please please) they will end up giving him one singular experience. it's impossible for him to represent all the wide and varied and wonderful ways for him to be aroace in canon, but that's what's beautiful about fandom for me! The metaphor you used for fandom was fighting over a bone, and while I definitely understand why you feel that way, to me, I cannot see it the same way at ALL. For every single individual person who watches fantasy high, there will be a completely different interpretation of each and every character, and all of them will be true. The thing is, when we're talking about Riz as an aroace character, well, there are not a lot of aroace people just in general, and fewer of those aroace people are going to have the same point of view, and there will be less fan-created content centered around this part of his identity as a result.

The solution, because there is one! is not to fight over the bone, or give up the bone, or keep the bone for ourselves, because there is no one bone. The beautiful thing about fandom, when the character passes from the creators hands into ours, is that there are infinite ways to interpret the character, all of them true, and when you don't see enough representation of the interpretation you have, the solution is to take YOUR interpretation and share it with the world. Write fics! Write massive text posts! Encourage and lift up the people who create things you DO relate to! Share what this character is to you and what you want him to be, and while it may not be a large percentage of people, you will find people who feel/have felt the same way you have. You're already doing it. You did, after all, reach me. I guess my point is, be the change you want to see in the world?

I understand that your whole point was about how fandom is so heavily romance focused and how that's frustrating, and maybe this isn't what you want to hear, maybe you just wanted to have a nice little complain (complaining and sharing your frustrations is good for the soul) and that's totally okay. I'm simply an optimist, and you seemed kind of doomy about it, so I just wanted to let you know that there is hope, and community, and people who feel the same way that you do, and hey, maybe if we work together we can create small pockets of fandom that can give you and everyone who feels the same way the aro rep they want to see in the world.

(I am so sorry for how long this got. um. sorry. thank you for putting up with me, I hope you have a wonderful day!)

It's lovely that you have such an optimistic perspective on this. And I hear you about wanting fandom to be a place that has space for a multitude of interpretations, but I think you're kind of missing my point. This goes beyond what you're saying, but it's something I get frustrated about in every fandom I've been in. There's a tendency for fans to want to ignore that fandom is a culture. That fan behaviors are shaped as much by cultural trends within fandom as by the desires of individual fans. Those cultural trends can be really harmful. But because fans often tend to treat fandom as a space outside of culture, and tend to act as if each individual character/ship/fandom is only made up of people having a personal engagement with the text, it becomes very difficult to address the problems that are deeply rooted within fandom culture. And those problems in fandom culture are reflective of the broader cultures of which fandom is a subculture, but they are also built, exchanged, and cultivated in a unique way within the subculture. That's how oppression works, relatively few people are actively trying to hurt others, but people all want to see their actions as independent from a larger cultural context so they don't have to worry about how they might be contributing to a culture that hurts people. It's why fandom, a space historically made up primarily of women, spent a very long time shielding itself from any accusations of sexism (which ran and continues to run rampant in fandom - as seen in everything from how female characters are treated to how m/m ships are forced into heteronormative tropes) by pointing to the failures of the source material. Despite the same problems occurring across the majority of fandoms regardless of the source material. And despite the justification not really holding up when one examined how many one-dimensional male characters fandom was happy to flesh out. I'm not a POC and I don't want to speak for POC but I've read enough critiques of fandom by people of color to know that racism (of all kinds) is an equally rampant problem in fandom.

And this issue of fandom as culture was what I'm talking about with Riz. The discourse over Riz's aromanticism frequently gets heated on this website. And I wanted to make a post exploring why that is. Because while discourse about any aspect of fandom can get heated (we're all emotionally invested here), I felt a particular weight of baggage in this discourse that I thought was worth attempting to bring to the forefront. There is a culture of romance-centrism in fandom. There is a culture of devaluing friendship (found family is great, but in my opinion, it has also become a way of talking around the devaluation of friendship in fandom spaces). There is a culture of characters only getting fic or analysis written about them if it fits into the context of romance or into a romance-dependant context of family. And so the baggage that I was trying to draw attention to with my post is that cultural baggage. Someone shipping fabriz may feel unfairly attacked by the desire of many people to keep romance away from Riz ("it's just a ship," "it's just me projecting on to the character," "it's just fandom, we're all supposed to have fun here.") And I wanted to point out the cultural hostility toward aromanticism in fandom spaces that makes viewing Fabriz that way impossible for someone whose spent any time observing and struggling with the broader culture of fandom. My metaphor about being thrown a bone was more an acknowledgment that being aromantic in fandom is always hard and that our options are limited trying to address this cultural problem by just talking about one character does leave a lot of people out. But this is the problem we have and the character we've got.

You're right that I was kind of doomy and gloomy about it. I'm not a person who likes to put myself out there in fandom. I'm fundamentally a lurker. This blog originally existed as a practice in positivity and contributing my own ideas. But after I left the fandom I started it for, I didn't come back to it. And it took me feeling mad about something for me to be motivated enough to post again. I already kind of regret it. But my intention wasn't just to have a good complain. My intention was to make the case that this particular discourse has a deeper cultural weight within the subculture of fandom. One that, if not considered properly, can easily allow people to shrug off their own role in building that culture. And it's a culture that is actively harmful for people who live romance-free lives (whether they are aromantic or not). I don't need there to be less romance in fandom. I just need there to be more space for characters like Riz to be allowed not to engage in it at all and still be considered worthy of fan attention.

Anyway, this is preachier than I like to be. I do appreciate that you are trying to bring optimism and empathy to fandom. But I also hate to be misunderstood. So I hope this clears up my point for you.

[ohbo-ohno]

How do you write fanfiction without going ooc?

Personally I think you're the best cod writer, I'm considering writing some fan fiction but I'm scared the characters arent in character

"best cod writer"??? when i haven't posted in like a month?? oh babe we are getting MARRIED ilysm thank you <3

im actually like fucking terrible at giving advice (i am not a well spoken person lmao) but i can talk At you for a bit about this!!!

grasping a character's voice is actually like. deeply difficult, and it's maaaaybe the thing i struggle with most when writing (or at least one of the things lmao). especially bc literally every single writer has a different voice for every character, so you have to find what works best for your story and your style. your ghost shouldn't look/sound exactly like someone else's ghost, because he's yours, yk?

that also being said - things that are ooc to me aren't necessarily ooc to someone else. the ghost in my mind would never let you call him a cheesy pet name like "sisi", but that doesn't mean that someone else's ghost wouldn't, yk? and to them, they're in character! so you've kinda got to decide what you think being in character is, if that makes any sense

i read a looooot of fanfiction before i started writing my own cod stuff. i've only watched the full campaign once, but i've read what's probably dozens of fics lmao - my ghost and soap are an amalgamation of the things i enjoyed most in other people's fics. think about the things that you love the most in your favorite fics, and see if you can replicate that tone/vibe

i also think that getting a character's Voice is a lot more than just dialogue. i write in either second person or third person limited, but for the sake of this i'll talk a bit about third person limited

if i'm writing smth like i'll eat you whole, im technically writing from johnny's perspective, right? so i don't write his internal monologue in his accent, but i do use certain adjective he would - like instead of describing ghost as "broad" or "hulking", i said he's "a big motherfucker" bc that's how i think johnny would talk. this doesn't matter nearly as much with second person, but letting johnny's voice float into the internal monologue helps keep me in the right headspace for the fic. it's easier for me to maintain his voice if i never really let it go, yknow what i mean?

also i know this sounds sooo stupid but i think a big part of writing in character is literally just thinking "can i see them saying this? would a person like this do this?"

like. okay. ghost is a 6'4 special forces lieutenant who is willing to do literally anything if it means completing his mission. he's a big man with an even bigger reputation. can you see him begging for your forgiveness at the slightest argument? can you see him stuttering on a first date?

and soap is an incredibly accomplished sergeant who's set records in the military, he's a demolitions expert and a skilled sniper with a hell of a temper. can you see him giggling? can you see him crying when his girlfriend is mad at him?

sometimes making sure you're not writing ooc is as simple as "They Would Not Fucking Say That", and as unhelpful as it is, that's literally just based on vibes

is any of that coherent at all?? i genuinely don't know. hope i didn't make things worse! ily!

(also just as general writing advice - practice!!! don't post everything you write!! i cannot tell you how many things i've written will never see the light of day, but all my little failures in writing have given me a better grasp on the characters, yk? you have to do badly and recognize what's bad before you can be super happy with your writing. write something and then focus on exactly what feels off to you, and change only that. idk. maybe im spouting bullshit)

[missingcarrion]

carrion // ch2 human

uh oh we meet a new friend!!! also future chapters will be longer im just working out a groove

trigger warning: sexual harassment, weird sexual comments

taglist: @tapioca-milktea1978

masterlist

-

There is something fascinating about the way robotic arms whir as they move, crafting together a piece of something that will one day simply be you. Shepherd watches them piece his future together – a body, his and his alone. And Hannah is there too, watching with keen interest as they make him their new Adonis (she told him that forgotten story the previous night and he’s fascinated by the idea of myths and gods.)

There’s a restlessness to this, a fear that he will lose what little he has of himself, but Hannah has promised to help. She… she promised.

“Lookin’ good, Shepherd.” One says, and makes a pointer remark at the more…. Masculine parts of his body that the Institute regarded as necessary, “you’ll have women jumpin’ all over you. You’ll have to learn how to use it. I know someone who can help.”

If ever it was possible to be repulsed as a living computer, this would be the time. But he ignores the disgust, and the discomfort, and instead tries not to think too hard about what curses may befall him now.

Hannah sends One a glare, however, seemingly not as docile as he has been. After all, it is his purpose to serve. Maybe it’s all just a test of sorts?

“Ignore him, Shepherd. He’s just being gross,” Hannah looks at One like she’s going to scold him for what he’s said. But she bites her tongue and says little else.

Shepherd watches her with mild intrigue. He ought to ask her later, but his attention is drawn back to the synthetic body that a team of scientists and engineers works on. The body is big, like One had said it would be, and it’s a bit bulky. Like they’ve engineered the ability to fight into this body without even asking if the inhabitant wants to fight.

Though .. . The body is exceptionally handsome. With an aquiline nose and long hair. None of it is real, but… the idea of being so close to being human sparks something in him, it awakens something he wasn’t sure had been there before.

“I am eager for my placement.” He says, although he struggles to contain his true excitement. “When do they expect to do the transfer?”

I am sick and tired of travelling through wire, he thinks, bitterly before regret takes over. The Institute knows what they are doing. It’s not in his place to judge or fault them. They must have a plan.

“Eh, if the body is completed tonight, you’ll be transferred sometime Friday.” One says, although he seems far too interested. Far too curious for his own good. “They’ll change up your room and give you a bed to go into sleep mode.”

Hannah’s eyes flick over to him briefly, like she’s sensing something sinister in his tone. One cannot be trusted, not now, not with the freedoms Shepherd’s being given by the Institute.

“I am sure I will not find sleep mode useful,” Shepherd replies, wary of One’s intentions, “but I am glad all the same. I have decided I would also like to see the Archives. I cannot gain access to them as I am now, but I should like to see the information it holds.”

“We can arrange that,” Hannah chirps, “you’ll like the Archives. It’s basically a giant library.”

“’You’ll like it’? Minsheng, he’s a fucking robot,” One snorts, “he doesn’t think. The only thing he’ll be doing is curing some housewife’s boredom and keeping Institute defectors in line. Nothing else. He’s not a puppy you get to keep.”

“And one can argue he’s not a plaything either,” Hannah retorts, arms crossed over her chest.

But a completely different voice cuts through their conversation, scathing and annoyed, “that is enough you two. Your bickering is distracting. Shepherd is a fascinating case. He may very well grow beyond whatever we have boxed him in. You both will do well to remember your places in this project.”

Shepherd looks towards the speaker, a tall, frightening man, with his entire body covered by robes, with his head wrapped. There, the cloth of the robes are curled into makeshift horns. He is the eccentric scientist behind many of the projects at the Institute – he’s not employed by them, either, and refuses every attempt to be hired by them. Oddly enough, Shepherd sees nothing when he scans the Doctor. It’s like he doesn’t exist.

Hannah seems visibly different when this man appears, almost like a cross between fear and admiration. “Of course, Aasimar. I didn’t mean to offend. I’m sure you’re equally fascinated by this opportunity.”

Aasimar, as he is called, hums, his eyes, pure white with his pupils lined in an intimidating gold. He is one of them, one of the mutants, although, was he ever really human to begin with?

“And what of you, One? Are you going to behave?” His voice is sultry, tantalizing and terrifying all at the same time. “Our friend Shepherd may be a tool now, but soon enough the power in our hands will be in his. Do be kind.”

One hisses, but his face scrunches up into severe discomfort. He mutters something under his breath before he backs away.

“Fantastic, now that he’s gone,” Aasimar claps his hands, delighted, and returns his gaze to the synthetic body, “we can finally have some peace and quiet. A rather annoying fellow he is, hm? Don’t worry, he’ll only sulk in a corner somewhere.”

Hannah snorts, but she’s more timid than she had been. “Shepherd, this is Aasimar, a leading scientist and doctor in the city. He’s the top in his field – which changes on a whim, but still. He’s pretty cool.”

The odd man hums thoughtfully, “keep an eye on your new friend, Minsheng. It is in his best interest that when he gets his body, he has a friend in his corner. I foresee terrible things. Very troubling things.”

“Can you see the future?” Shepherd asks.

“Secrets, secrets,” Aasimar taps his temple, smiling, “anyway, I shall be going now. Much to do, much to work on. Maybe once you’ve been transferred into your body, Shepherd, you might stop by.”

“You called me a tool. Why would I visit you?” He asks, and it earns a snort from the man.

“We are all tools, Shepherd. Remember that. We are like cogs in a machine, different components to the larger system,” Aasimar waves his hands to emphasize his point. “What matters is what we do with ourselves. Do we break the machine? Or do we allow the machine to continue? Think about it, and find me when you’ve decided.”

Shepherd watches Aasimar leave, and watches as Hannah visibly relaxes and heaves a sigh of relief.

“I never thought he’d leave,” she murmurs, lips pursed, “he’s not the type of person you want to upset, but when he likes you, he’s a fantastic friend. He’s the keeper of the Archives at this point – he’s always in there, reading, tinkering. I don’t know what he does. But he’s been a key part in making your body.”

“I would like to know more about him.” He says, and his tone trails off as he’s forcefully sent back to his lonely, quiet room.

[crawlthruribs]

so i saw this post somewhere saying that they wanted a fic where ennis, jack, and alma were all in a polyam relationship - that alma saw them kissing but instead of being disgusted she found she was into it. i have some thoughts about this, and it’s not a call out post where im going to be rattling off all the ways that i think op was wrong, it is an interesting concept, i was just thinking about how personally i dont think it would happen.

one) we see through the course of their marriage the slow resentment and change that occurs, and while i am not sure why alma and ennis got together in the first place, they were happy at the beginning. the rift between alma and ennis increases after they have kids, and it only seems to escalate all the way up and through their divorce. 

i think, from alma’s perspective, she recognized that the man she married was not the same one who continuously rejects her and expects so much from her. ennis constantly ignores alma, he leaves her to take care of the kids and to cook and do her job and he places his occupation and work over hers - i dont think alma knew how to fix it, how to make ennis pay attention to her. i am sure she blamed herself in a way and most likely experienced loneliness being stuck in this position. 

when she finds out what ennis and jack are doing, all the feelings that she had been left to sit in bubble up. this was the 1960s, the whole concept of this story is about hatecrime and homophobia - in alma’s eyes it is disgusting and shameful and putrid and this was the man that she had married. she was left and cast aside for something vile and wrong and it hurt. perhaps maybe in a different story she could have found it appealing in a way, but it’s not just “oh she hasnt explored sexually, there’s a chance she could be into that stuff” it’s also the divide between her and ennis and the emotions that she had previously suffered through and the guilt that she could now blame on someone else. it wasnt her fault that ennis was cold to her, but up to this point that’s what she thought; when she sees them, it’s the tipping point and realization that it wasnt her, but it was this gross affair. 

two) from ennis’ point of view, alma is a tether. she is a force that keeps him safe and “normal”, she is the right and traditional thing to do. but she also sort of is a cage, he has to be “normal” and has to love her in order to accomplish this. she is a way to “fix” himself.

piggybacking from another post i saw, there is also the fact that she is a woman. i believe the other person said something about how being with a woman for jack and ennis is different than sleeping with another man because she doesnt pose a threat to their relationship. the woman is simply a necessity and cannot give either of them what they truly want. and that’s all that alma really is, she is only required so ennis can fulfill tradition and be left alone (we see that later after they divorce the amount of times it’s brought up to him that he should settle down again).

three) i am not quite sure what jack would think seeing that alma never really was something he had to worry about. it was always ennis’ work or his deep connection to his hometown that really proved a problem. i do believe though, that being in a polycule with alma and ennis not something he would like. having relations with other men was something he constantly looked for, that he needed to “sustain himself” as he said when he and ennis were arguing about the lack of time they had together and adding a woman to the mix wouldnt be what he was looking for. he could have sex with a woman at any point in time, adding alma into the mix is only taking away his one place that he can get the satisfaction he wants. 

feel free to add on or correct me, i have only seen the movie, though i do want to read it, and have watched it once. this was not meant to be a call out post in any way shape or form, simply a pondering of why the three of them wouldnt work and my take on their complex relationships.

@apollosleftelbow

[dreamlandgirlie]

the cleveland guardians (taylor’s version) aka specifically taylor swift lyrics that remind me of the boys (ty @lalaloobzy for the inspiration)

the last great american dynasty, but specifically the bridge: “they say she was seen on occasion, pacing the rocks, staring out on the midnight sea” - for some reason it just makes me think of that time when kip played for the cubs (i think?) and tipped his hat to the empty stands in cleveland during 2020 but also “and then it was bought by me” bc it implies a new era of chaotic energy (in the best way) within our organization

the great war: “there’s no morning glory, it was war it wasn’t fair” - this seems self explanatory

begin again: “i’ve been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break, and burn, and end. but on a wednesday, in a cafe, i watched it begin again” - this just makes me feel hopeful for the future? like when it’s a new season or we get new players, etc.

peace: “i’d give you my sunshine, give you my best, but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me.” - aka we’re gonna try hard and have fun but we aren’t gonna win (for the most part)

long story short: “past me, i wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things. your nemeses will defeat themselves before you get the chance to swing.” - this rly makes me think of like around 2022 alds time, it’s also something i wish i could go back and tell myself (especially as someone who is so ride or die for josh naylor, given the drama surrounding him at the time)

electric touch: “all i know is this could either break my heart, or bring it back to life.” - how i feel literally every game

change: literally the whole song but specifically “they might be bigger but we’re faster and never scared” - this also doesn’t need any explanation

the very first night: “we were built to fall apart. we broke the status quo, then we broke each other’s hearts” -we defy everyone’s expectations and then we lose right after

forever winter: “live my life scared to death, he’ll decide to leave instead” - josé ramírez, do i need to explain further than that? hoax: “you know i left a part of me back in new york. you knew the hero died so what’s the movie for? you knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart.” - OUCHHH 2022 alds ☹️

dear reader *i couldn’t narrow it down to just one lyric for this so here are multiple*:

“you don’t have to answer just ‘cause they asked you”

“bend when you can, snap when you have to”

“you wouldn’t take my word for it if you knew who was talking”

“my friends found friends who care, no one sees when you lose when you’re playing solitaire.” - ALL of the above are josey and you cannot tell me im wrong

the archer: “who could ever leave me darling? but who could stay” and the entire “they see right through me, they see right through me” part - bc no fr…who COULD stay?

castles crumbling: “now they’re screaming at the palace front gates, used to chant my name, now they’re screaming that they hate me.” and “you don’t want to know me, i will just let you down” - ever since this came out it has literally played in my head every time one of the boys is expected to be the ‘hero’ in a precarious situation but ultimately fucks up/we don’t win/etc

look what you made me do: “honey i rose up from the dead, i do it all the time” and “all i think about is karma” - just waiting for karma to do its thing towards anyone who has wronged us 🤷‍♀️

[m1ckeyb3rry]

I agree, there's something about the Itoshi's that I cannot get my finger into. I tried, and it was a failed attempt. Heck, I watched Blue Lock because of Sae (because he shares the same VA as Geto Suguru). But I am slowly getting into the reading of their character and that's about it.

Also, now it made more sense why our boi Karasu is in Shidou's system, the man (Shidou) just wanna play soccer. Karasu went "naah Rin, ya moody son of a bitch bye" (internal Karasu: his mood swings are far worse than Otoya).

Okay, I call this segment tea time with Jeirin lol

And this is where it hit me in different ways. And I've decided it's definitely like a 'how you been, how you doing in the past few years' but never revisit old feelings trope because you were just kids, you wouldn't have a clue what to do and where things will head from that moment on.

Heck, I remember my first crush well too, his name is Andrei, also the smartest in my class. Got in touch in socials, never once talked. Scenario 1.

Got in touch with a classmate of mine from when we were in primary school. we liked each other but we never got together, but we're still friends. But every now and then we tease each other about our shared history and how we liked each other, and that's about it. Scenario 2.

The thing that left an impact to me and why I cannot so brush this off, I was 'seeing' someone (ex-best friend, yes, I 'saw' best friend but we didn't end up together for various reasons) who also can remember his first crush well, I will name her Lyra. It's been years too since my ex-best friend and his first crush saw each other, and they reunited on his like 17th birthday (or something like that). They got in touch and Lyra confessed to have liked him since they were kids too, and so did he. My ex-best friend ended up dating her for I don't know until when (I heard they broke up eventually and wanted to win me back, but it was too late). Scenario 3.

But so far, scenario 3 is rare but also, surprised that they didn't work out either. Moral of the story, people grow up lol

Just the whole notion of first love/first crush is a-whole-nother sequence of angst to me. You can always get over your first crush easily, but your first love is something different but also, don't be too hard on yourself. There's plenty of people out there. (I had an explanation/probability of this in the AOT fandom and I will not revisit it because it's yea we know how that fandom's like).

That explains why I was so angsty the other day lol sigh, Karasu this is your fault 😂 im kidding.

i actually started blue lock because of a rin edit LMAOAO and then promptly proceeded to…not like rin…actually that’s a lie i don’t really mind him and i acknowledge that he’s pretty and also kinda funny at times but i wouldn’t say he’s one of my favs by any means

HAHA also to be fair rin is like barely 16 and karasu + shidou are both 18 and their birthdays are only really a month apart?? so there’s also probably an age thing there where karasu and shidou can just relate to each other better and consider each other equals whereas rin is younger and given that both of them lowkey have asshole tendencies they’re def like “haha okay kiddo whatever you say” and then side eye each other when rin is being all dramatic 😭 honestly karasu + shidou as besties in pxg is my fav headcanon i think they would be hilarious together…so much potential for being menaces

TEA TIME W JEIRIN OKAY I AM SEATED ☕️ and yesss i def agree w that perspective i think it’s a natural part of growing up and maturing!!

SCENARIO THREE IS BRUTAL WTF 😭😭😭 omg i am so sorry that’s actually the worst 😕💔 but yes sometimes people just aren’t meant to be…the way he realized what he was missing out on though and tried to come back as if you wouldn’t move 😒 the audacity fr…HAHA but agreed i think there’s also a lot of societal emphasis on FIRST kiss, FIRST bf/gf, etc, so people tend to romanticize and idealize those connections in their minds a ton when it’s really not like that…there’s so many people in the world!! like is a boy from your elementary school necessarily the one for you?? maybe not!! and especially as people change and grow and whatnot…even my best friends from back then who i’m still friends with are nowhere near as close as the friends i’ve made now because we’re all different and at different life stages so it stands to reason that it’s the same romantically

the aot fandom is genuinely horrific bro i was in the trenches with attack on titan (originally an eren stan here) but so many people in the fandom are like kind of insane, have no media literacy/reading comprehension, and are WAYYY too cool w excusing genocide 😭 as much as i once loved it idk if i could ever go back to it 😓

HAHA karasu inspiring angst 🤩 we love him for that fr (<- saying this as an angst enjoyer in fiction ofc not as someone wishing angst upon you irl 😩)

[cpunkwitch]

answering my questions p2

[pt: answering my questions p2]

ask game 2 (link)

whats the most recent encounter of ableism you've had, online or irl?

my dad calling my condition "just labels" when i told him my mom and i suspect i have arthritis. "you guys and your labels, you liike labels too much"

2. whats the worst encounter of ableism you've had, online or irl?

unsure what the worst one would be, they all suck imo. i guess any ableism coming from my dad, because hes my dad so it tends to hurt the most coming from him.

3. whats the funniest encounter of ableism you've had, online or irl?

tried to think of a few things but they werent so funny so im not sure. maybe my dad saying he though i was an old lady when he first saw me with my cane picking me up from college last year?

4. whats something an ableist said that stuck with you and for what reason?

i cannot remember anything specific

5. whats something you want ableds to understand?

main point: ask consent before daring to touch anyones belongings especially mobility aids and not every disabled person will have the same limitations and experience with their disabilities. we arent inspiration porn, we are human beings functioning differently from you.

some people will be okay with you moving their cane aside or something AS LONG AS YOU ASK and keep it within reach of them. some people in a wheelchair can walk or use other aids on different days, some people dont use any any aids but still cant do th e same activities you do let alone they way you do them for the same length of time. some only use aids on rare days, some have perfect use of their legs, some have to have assistance with mundane tasks, so on and so forth.

a disabled person in the olympics, competing in a sport, creating things while in a wheelchair or walking with a cane etc are not there for you to go "wow so amazing youre so strong and brave im so proud of you for doing this despite your disability" they do it for them, with their disability and never for your degrading "positivity". you wouldnt say that if they werent disabled, why arent you saying congrats to the others who do the same thing as them too? is it just because youre singling them out for being disabled? fuck off with that.

6. got a story involving ableism that you like to share/feel like sharing/find amusing? can be yours or someone else's story.

likely have tonnes of stories about my parents ableism. if you prompt me i can probably some up with something to talk about but sometimes i need specific prompts like "your parents reaction to your first mobility aid?"

specifically ones that i find amusing though? normally ones that arent mine and they came from either youtube readings of tumblr or reddit posts, story times or someone pissing off my mom.

i do remember when i walked into the dollar store the cashier asked what happened when she saw my cane and i went "oh i was born with a defect in my spine :D" and watched her deflate with a quiet "oh.." what were you expecting?? how is that question ever not awkward?

7. dumbest or funniest question someone asked you about your condition and/or aid?

answered in 6 i guess

8. if you dont have one, do you think you could benefit from a service animal? if so, what animal would you like?

therapy, or emotional support cat or rabbit? i cant do dogs, im terrified of dogs. cats and rabbits i could handle. im actually unsure what else there is but iv looked into getting an esa a while ago and the only reason my mom said no no matter how many times i bargained is because we live in too small of a house thats constantly a mess.

im never allowed to get a rabbit while i live with her, she hates them ever since one horny rabbit years ago bit her leg.

parents were really mean about me wanting a bunny rabbit and im still holding it aganst them.

9. do you have an ideal mobility aid or ideal disability aid in general?

easy to move wheelchair, easy for me anyway. one with a no handles so no one can grab them. maybe a basket or something on it too idk, that way everything not in my lap or in my bag hanging off the side or something? idc if its motorized or not tbh

when im finally out of my crappy parents house, i'll look into gettingone.

10. whats something you wish ableds would stop doing/do less of?

asking dumb questions and touching our stuff without permission

11. whats something you wish ableds would do more of?

hold doors open regardless of ability, regardless if they have a mobility aid or not. treat people the fucking same.

12. whats something in the community you dont see talked about enough?

i know its talked about in other places but i dont actually run into the discussion much, people talking about living with an able-bodied partner or another phys disabled partner while being disabled themselves and what its like/what to expect etc.

i do plan on eventually moving in with someone and id like to hear more stories about home life with roommates or partners.

13. have you ever tried out someone else's mobility aid before?

i once used my brothers crutches when i was maybe 4? dont fully remember why he had them but i remember that day i picked them up. it was an xmas party.

14. whats something thats supposed to be an accessible accommodation but just turns out to be more of a hinderance for you and why?

i used to have an answer for this and i dont remember what it was.

15. whats something you see thats overhyped in regards to disability or cripplepunk?

overhyped/overrated imo? yet another question i no longer remember my answer for jfc who's taking my memories? /cj

i remember there was something that was talked about a lot that was really not worth all the hype to me but i guess since the talk of it died down and i stopped seeing it in the tags/on my dash i completely forgot what it was specifically.

im a very "out of sight out of mind" person..

16. whats something that you see people talk about constantly in the community and are now tired of?

answered in 15 ig?

17. have you ever made characters with disabilities? if yes, tell us about them and their disability?

oh yeah lots, which book or fandom shall i start with?

off the top of my head theres "escape", "the adventurers" and "afterwards", maybe even "the four witches", original books of mine. as for fandom related characters, my oc macey comes to mind first. shes a marvel/avengers oc (in general not just mcu). im happy to talk about any of these, you can even ask if i have a character with a specific condition, i probably have a dnd npc or two from one of my campaigns who have it if none of my book or fandom oc's have it.

i like character creation..

18. what are your favourite disability headcanons?

about everything i post to @/beecanons and @/your-fave-is-crippled that isnt expressly canon, and the stuff i plan on posting.

19. whats a disability you want to see more or better representation of/for?

honestly my first look at anemia in media was vampire knight and diabolik lovers... please give me better rep.. i need to see more anemic characters that arent just "whoa im dizzy" and "oops passed out cuz a vampire drank my blood"

20. free space!

feel free to ask me to elaborate/expand on, clarify or just ask whatever you'd like, my inbox is alway open!

[ID: banner reading "dni if... proship, transx/id, syscourse/discourse blog, anti-mspec lesbians/gays, anti-lesboy/turigirl more in pinned rentry. this blog is protected by the addams family, the de rolo family and co." in all black lowercase text. It has a grey cloud background. On the left is the De Rolo coat of arms with a cobweb in the top corner and symmetrically flipped on the right is the symbol of Vox Machina with the same cobweb in the bottom corner :End ID]

[chillychive]

Thanks for the tag @noworneverphantom !

Are you named after anyone?

My legal name, nope. I was a double rainbow baby and came after 2 deaths in the family so my parents wanted something totally new for me. My chosen (soon to be legal!!!:D) name, is accidentally sort of after a character I love and relate to a lot. I was reading and someone called out the main character, by last name, and I suddenly had this “yea! I’m here!” Moment and I was like wait why did I respond to that-HOLY SHIT I FOUND MY NAME. It’s a funny origin story for sure. My middle name is up for debate still, but if I don’t keep my birth one, I’m going to change it to follow a family naming scheme that I think is hilarious and a good way to subtly follow family tradition.

When was the last time you cried?

Several weeks ago. Honestly, I wish I cried more. It’s very hard for me to cry. I saw the milky way for the first time and just started sobbing. I cried for nearly an hour, just kneeling and staring up at the sky. That may have been the first time i understood that tears aren’t always sad.

Do you have kids?

Nope. I’m too young and despite adoring small little children a lot, I’m not sure I’d ever want kids of my own. I’d be too scared to mess them up. I feel like I could be quite the good parent too, but I couldn’t deal with the stress. Maybe adopting, tho. I’m sure as hell not giving birth. Ever.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I used to be really sarcastic, but I’ve stopped using it as much now. I’m trying to use more positive language and open myself up more to people, and stopping being sarcastic except when I’m parroting back to my friends to show them how insane whatever they’re doing is (I have a bunch of workaholics that somehow adopted me that I often need to stop before they work themselves to death) has helped me a lot to do that.

What sports do/have you played?

Hm. Currently nothing, but I’ve done a lot of odd sports. Probably my most normal is volleyball, which I got pretty good at but I struggled with the people part of team sports and got bored. Before that, I did competitive archery (I wasn’t great, I didn’t practice a lot but I got my 250 pin at my last comp before my coach retired), and swim team (my first summer I was amazing at it, my most recent I sucked so bad but at least I can say with confidence that I have a very strong back stroke).

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Their demeanor. I study people a lot (I’m very much the quiet kid who watches everything), and how they carry themselves and how they interact with others is usually the first thing I notice. Their general vibe.

What’s your eye color?

Good question. When I was little they were bright blue and they’ve gotten a bit darker as I’ve grown but still very blue. As I grew up tho, this yellow-green color spread from the inside (no, not jaundice I checked) and now they can look blue, grey or green depending on lighting. I wear glasses, sadly, so I can’t show off how weird my eyes are, but they are very weird, and kinda pretty.

Scary movies or happy ending?

I avoid scary movies at all costs. Me & my ocd brain cannot handle that. I have a very low tolerance for fear. Happy endings are kinda lame and I love screwing over the main characters at the end, but if I had to pick one or the other, happy endings by a long shot.

Any special talents?

I have random knowledge on many odd things, thanks to being a compulsive researcher and internet access. I have a double jointed toe, and jaw (idk either tbh). I can overthink my way into any situation. I can recognize any plant native to my area (edible plants phase when I was 11). I have abt 50% of needed knowledge on most topics. I know most basic codes and often will geek out and learn more. I’m not 100% accurate but I’ll definitely recognize and mostly understand how to solve most basic ciphers. Im also very good at crafts, especially yarn. I am uniquely talented at unraveling balls of tangled yarn.

Where were you born?

In a laboratory where they bred sentient capybaras. Interpret that how u wish. (/nsrs)

What are your hobbies?

Taking on too big projects, writing, drawing, painting, digital art, harassing my friends, singing, piano, rpg, Minecraft, basket making, there’s probably more but I can’t think.

Do you have any pets?

Not unless you count my sibling.

How tall are you?

5’11” im tall lol

Favorite subject in school?

Dang these questions keep getting harder. First you want to know about the lab I was made in, now my favorite school subject?! Probably government, or choir. Choir is my safe space, def my favorite place in school, and the teacher is amazing. Government is fascinating and has a great teacher. In theory, English, but in practice the class is either boring or stressful (basically me going from “ha this is beneath me I’m rlly good at writing” to “oh fuck they actually expect me to *write* things”), so I’m not a huge fan.

Dream Job?

I wouldn’t mind a painfully repetitive job as long as they don’t mind me listening to music/a podcast while I work. But I suppose that’s not a dream job. Perhaps a writer for a sci-fi show. Maybe even Star Trek or Star Wars. It would be fun to have something long running to play with. That would be a good use of my wide skill range and love of space and creating worlds. Or getting to create and mold my own show in that sort of realm to make something truly new (aka sci-Fi as I see it, which seems to disagree with a lot of current creators or sci-fi stories) and getting to watch it unfold would be so beautiful. Watching the worlds I’ve sculpted on spreadsheets and very complicated Google slides explode onto the screen, with all of their mess and people and joy and weird little critters and imaginative ways to make it more realistic would be the most amazing thing. I’d have a hard time not picking up the actors and just going “MY BABY, I MADE YOU!”

On that very weird note, I’m going to tag some people and go to bed. @sadmushroomgoblin @doublemegative @wantmeifyouwantme @dragons-in-spaceee @twincityhacker

(Sry for the double tag, Ik @noworneverphantom already tagged a lotta y’all)

[bye-bye-firefly]

Alright, I just finished Penny’s playthrough of The Last of Us. That was so good. I had heard some stuff about the ending beforehand so it wasn’t as big of a shock as it would’ve been if I hadn’t but like I just wasn’t expecting it to be like that. I’m still in kind of a daze. I’m really impressed. I haven’t really had time to figure out all my thoughts on the ending but like I definitely agreed 100% with what Penny was saying. Ellie should’ve been told what was going on and Joel shouldn’t have lied. And like yeah, it did feel like Joel was saving Ellie for his own sake rather than for Ellie’s. Also, the beginning was so well done! Like, the whole thing with Sarah at the beginning like actually almost made me tear up. Like I could feel that pressurey feeling behind my eyes. I know that probably doesn’t sound like a lot but like I’m one of those people where like it’s very hard for fictional stories to make me at all close to tears. I still get totally attached to characters and can feel emotionally annihilated by the events of a story, I just usually stare at the screen or pages or whatever I’m looking at like it’s a monster though. So it really surprised me that a character who I barely know anything about was able to get that much of a reaction out of me. I think it’s just something about that scene.

Anyway, thanks for recommending Penny’s playthrough! She was very entertaining and made me genuinely laugh a bunch! I loved the bits, not to mention watching her attempt to hunt a deer and fail for like 15 minutes straight was absolutely delightful. Also very much enjoyed hearing her mess with her watch thingy on stream. Both are definite highlights.

I’m very excited for when I look at Part 2, I’m also very excited to watch the tv show. I really hope it’s a good adaptation. Thanks again for the recommendation and thanks for writing a The Last of Us DRV3 fanfic and talking about it since I’m not sure at what point in time I would’ve actually ended up looking for a playthrough to watch of the game otherwise!

yeah the intro to the last of us is like. fuck man . i remember playing through that and just sobbing that intro is so good. and penny is SOOO fucking right literally the only person i trust to play tlou2 EVERRR i know for a fact that she gets it like i get it and really thats all that matters. shes the best. her videos are all awesome im so sad it took me so long to get into watching ALL of her stuff and not just the fandubs. the parts that made me really cry were of course when sarah dies, when sam and henry die, when ellie rants at joel (everyone who ive ever loved has either DIED. or LEFT ME. everyone...fucking except for you! so don't tell me i'd be better off with someone else, because the truth is that i would just be more scared.), when joel got hella hurt and ellie had to bring him out of the university, when ellie killed david, when ellie nearly drowned, AND! at the end of the game. that final scene kills me. i feel very much for tlou and really everything all the time. really

although its not NECESSARY. i still would recommend looking at left behind <3 SORRY sorry i just love left behind so much there is so much in left behind that i just die over everyday i think about the events of left behind and i die and i die and i die. i think about i got you babe and i DIEEEEE its EVERYTHING to me. FOREVER!!! penny also played left behind and its super fucking funny also there was one part where i had to pause the vod i was laughing so hard

i cannot WAIT for penny to play part 2 because she said she liked it and she had already played it before and i was like omg...this is gonna be fucking awesome VERY fucking excited. i have to tell you. when you get into part 2. PLEASE keep an open mind ive lost too many people to the dudebro gamers who dont like part 2 i love part 2 i LOVE it. i get so sads every time i see someone who doesnt like part 2 and thinks it made no sense like IT DOES!!! BUT IT DOES!!! my world my star my shining star shining so brightly

thank YOU for looking into tlou its my favourite video game series EVERRRR it shaped me into who i am today and it is my World. im still getting through writing the first chapter but im literally having so much fun with it its UNIMAGINABLE. im so excited to post it i dont CARE if no one asked for it IM MAKING IT. but seriously no one asked for this there was like only one person who made a last of us crossover in the drv3 tag 😭 if no one is making this for me...ill make it for MYSELF!!

[technowoah]

since I'm a gremlin I can ask for a c!Schlatt angst fighting with reader while he's drunk and the reader is just fed up with dealing with him and goes "IF YOU LIKE SO MUCH TALKING YOU DON'T NEED ME I'M LEAVING!" and just walks away and he realizes the shit he's done?

(the same anon who wasn't prepared to be heartbroken-)

Heartless

Somehow you find your way back to Schlatt again and it never goes as well as you think.

- c!schlatt x reader

- angst

- anon!requested

- part 1 to this story

⚠︎: swearing, angst, alcoholism, mentions of dying, c!quackity makes a appearance, hopefully this is sad enough yall-

An// i decided to make this a part 2 to Have a Heart! So I hope you enjoy love!

The night is still cold and dark as you begrudgingly walk back to one of the buildings that was put up to replace whatever L'Manburg was there before. 

After Dream's word you had still contemplated going back to Schlatt. He doesn't deserve what you do, but you still end up walking along the Prime Path back to the drunken man. You had no end goal and that was a problem. You probably were going to be embarrassed that you came back to him. You couldn't let Schlatt die, from either the hands of someone else or let him die from himself.

You eventually found yourself in front of the metal doors that led into endless hallways of offices nobody occupied. The offices that had wine and cigarettes for Schlatt to smoke just in case he decided to have a meeting in a room that isn't the official meeting room. 

Walking down the hallways you saw that most of the doors to each office were open and most of the alcohol and cigarettes were taken from each room. You peaked inside every room to see if Schlatt was in there, but something in you told you not to because you weren't prepared. What were you going to say? Stop drinking? Because you're sure he'll know he's not going to stop. You want to try to save him.

You slowly opened a door to reveal an office that looked an absolute mess. The small refrigerator was knocked over and all of the wine off the shelf was either shattered on the floor or gone. There were cigarette butts on the ground and lit a cigar, there were also papers and folders all across the room.

You whispered as you walked around the lit room "Schlatt must've been in here."

"Sure as hell he was!"

You spun around to see Quackity looking disheveled as ever. He had a bottle of liquor in his hand, his beanie threatened to fall off of his head and his suit now only a white button up with his dress pants still on.

"I've been running around this goddamn place trying to keep that ram man at peace! He's gonna drink himself to death." Quackity huffed while looking around the hallway.

"I know." 

"That's why you're here huh?"

You sighed at the realization. "Yes it is. I don't want him to drink himself to death. Death isn't what I want."

"Well, it's too late for that." Quackity faced away from you not wanting to look you in the eyes.

You stayed silent until Quackity spoke up again.

"You want me to take you to him? Wanna see him one last time before he dies-"

"Don't say that!" You rolled your eyes 

"Are you fucking kidding me? It's inevitable Y/N! His body is now 70 percent alcohol and his lungs are filled with smoke!" Quackity laughed in disbelief. "I don't want him to die! But its fucking inevitable. Either from someone else or-"

"Himself." You finished his sentence.

"Exactly!" He opened his mouth to speak again but apparently decided against it.

Quackity began to lead you out of the office and down the long hallway you two walked slowly not even knowing where Schlatt was in the whole building. You and Quackity made small talk.

"I hate this. I had to find this liquor and deliver it to him and now I can't find him."

"I came here to try and save him from himself and you're here feeding the problem."

"What else do you want me to do?" He grunted.

"Stop him!"

"If I stop him he's gonna be even worse so-!" Quackity threw up his hands in frustration as you two kept walking.

"I actually have something to tell you." Quackity spoke up after the silence.

"Quackity! Ah there you are!" Schlatt came around the corner behind you both and you turned around to meet the man you both have been looking for stumbling down the hallway.

"Ah you bitch! I thought I told you to leave!"

"Here we go." You rolled your eyes.

"Hey Schlatt! Here's the Liquor you wanted!" Quackity tried to liven up the situation by reaching the bottle out to Schlatt.

"He doesn't need it."

"Yeah I do, who are you to tell me what to do!" Schlatt yelled, not even taking the drink out of Quackity's hand. 

"Schlatt just calm down-"

"No! They made a mistake and they cant even do what I fucking say! They'll keep coming back to me, against my wishes!" Schlatt interrupted Quackity while flailing his arms around.

You stood still not wanting to hear him anymore. Ever since he won the presidential debate the first couple of months he's been sober with only a few drinks here and there. Now he's a full on alcoholic, only damaging himself and his presidency. It's a sad sight to see and you don't want to see it, so you can either run away and know it's still there or fix it and never see it again. 

"Schlatt I want to help." You hesitated before stepping forward.

"Same here Schlatt." Quackity agreed with you.

"You, you! Aren't any help!" He pointed directly at you while trying to keep himself upright. 

"How aren't I any help!?" You yelled back. "I've done everything for you and now you're digging yourself a grave Schlatt!"

"You think you're the best thing ever huh?! Im fucking fine! I can stand on my own two fucking feet!"

Schlatt wasn't standing up straight, he was stumbling either backwards or forward. His body threatened to fall onto the marble floor and he couldn't even stand up straight. His speech was slurring together as well you could barely understand him.

You finally responded to Schlatt. "Schlatt you're stumbling around like- like I don't even know what! I can't understand you and you just need to stop!"

"You're so useless! Not useful to me or my presidency! I can stand up straight and I'm completely fine shut the fuck up!" He yelled while leaning to the side.

"I'd rather die alone! Without you or Quackity." Schlatt yelled again

"That's what you're going to do anyways." Quackity whispered under his breath.

Schlatt kept babbling nonsense as his back slid down one of the walls as he sat on the floor. Head pulled to the side. It was a sad sight to see, you hated to see this man drink himself to death and apparently Quackity, who was looking at the ram man the same way, standing silently next to you.

"Schlatt this-"

"I dont fucking care what you think! You're the worst person I've ever met! You both made my life hell and that's why Im fucking drinking my life away so I wont see any of you're fucking faces!" Schlatt tried to stand up but failed in doing so.

He continued talking. "I am the best thing that happened to this country! I saved both of you from a tyrant! And you thank me by driving me into this state!" 

You felt your eyes threatening to spill tears the second time today.

"Schlatt that isn't me that's doing this shit!" 

"How the fuck would you know?!" 

"I can't. But Ive done every fucking thing for you! You cannot say I haven't!" You yelled back as he rolled his eyes with a rebuttal already on the tip of his tongue.

"Sure as hell I can! I have fucking proof-!"

"What proof?!" You interrupted his babbling even though he kept going.

"I- I!" he stammered not having a rebuttal this time.

"You're incapable of doing anything Schlatt let someone help you for fucks sake-"

"I'd rather die alone than sit here and be lectured by the likes of you!" Schlatt yelled.

"You are going to die alone, old man!" Quackity spoke up. "That's what they're trying to tell you!" 

"You shouldn't be giving me a lecture! Im the mother fucking president! I should be talking, but apparently its not fucking work-" 

"IF YOU LIKE SO MUCH TALKING YOU DON'T NEED ME I'M LEAVING!" You interrupted him and stomped down the hallway for the second time today.

As you walked down the hallway you heard a faint "wait" from Schlatt on the floor. You stopped and looked back to see Schlatt looking at you with some sort of realization in his eyes. Quackity was standing over him shaking his head.

"You know what? I don't even know why I helped you. Probably for power, but I don't need you for that." Quackity walked away towards your way. "Go ahead and die alone like you said old man." 

Quackity caught your gaze and he smiled and shook his head again. He finally reached where you were standing and started talking to you.

"Maybe this isn't a good time, maybe it is. But I am joining Pogtopia. Wilbur said he needs a lot of people for this to work so consider this an invitation." He gave you a thin lipped smile and walked past you giving you a good look at Schlatt, laying fully on the ground.

"Y/N wait, just hold on for a second." Schlatt said while on his side, not even bothering to look at you.

You didn't say anything and followed Quackity's path, down the hallway and out of the door. Behind you, you could only hear the distant groans and pleas of the drunken man behind you. You tried your best to help and that's all you could do. But you couldn't watch that man die.

Taglist: MCYT Imagines: @annshit @bobaducky @malfoysslutt @alec-lost-bee @egorldevi

[kazububs-archived]

TR Boys with a Game Streamer! S/o

with; Manjiro Sano / Mitsuya Takashi / Baji Keisuke

cw; some swearing, gn!reader

note; this is a lil self-indulgent if im honest

MANJIRO ''MIKEY'' SANO

- Would be so proud of you, and constantly promote your content just to show you off to everyone.

- He was your first follower, subscriber, and was there with you through every step. Mikey loved seeing you grow and build a community, and would be widely known as Y/n's biggest fan.

- Please let him play with you on stream!! Mikey's favourite games are ones where you play together and work together; like Little Nightmares or It Takes Two.

- Never leaves you alone well you're streaming. He's either cuddling into your side, distracting you, asking to play a round to give you a break, or simply whining for attention.

- "Y/nnn-chin, you've been at this level for 20 minutes now, take a lil break, yeah? Let me give it a try!" He says beaming up at you.

- Won't hesitate to threaten someone if they are acting creepy or trying to invade your comfort zone. You've had to remind him that, no he cannot kill someone because they complimented your play style.

MITSUYA TAKASHI

- He thinks that its adorable that you have something that you're so passionate and devoted to. Will constantly tease you about being a huge nerd whenever he can.

- Mitsuya is the type to poke his head in during streams, calling your name "Y/n, hey doll, I made you a little snack."

- Your fans will 100% gush over how cute you two are, and would come up with a ship name just for you two. There will always be a passing comment to see Mitsuya just to see you two interact on stream.

- My boy just wanted to see your thrive, Mitsuya constantly has your streams playing in the background well he's working. It calms him down, and never fails to bring a smile to his face hearing you get all excited about a win.

- Only will play a game with you if you promise not to team kill him. He likes more calming games like Stardew Valley, and Minecraft. 100% will build you a beautiful house, "You deserve the best my dear."

- Helped design your merchandise, and made you a custom hoodie with your logo on it, and he embroider a lilac heart on the bottom rim of the hood for you to snuggle your face into a be reminded of him.

BAJI KEISUKE

- He's going to be right there with you almost every stream. You two feed off each other's energy and the fans can't get enough of it. They call you the chaotic cuties.

- Definitely the type to throw a match just to piss you off, and laugh at you when you pout/get angry at him. "Can't help myself, when ya look this cute babe".

- You have a love hate relationship playing video games with him. On the one hand, there's time when he can be sweet; getting you a pet pig in Minecraft. On the other hand, there's time where he's a little shit; team killing you in CSGO.

- Will always make it up to you, as your chat always begs you to forgive him after giving the camera puppy dog asking for help. "Please doll, look how distraught they are."

- "If someone gifts 5 subs I'll kill Y/n next round! >:)" "KEI! >:0" Chat always listens to him, Baji's got too much power of them. Who's stream was this again?

- Make it through his antics, and Baji will eventually calm down. Playing a story game together, you sitting on his lap with his arms wrapped around you, head resting on your shoulder as he watches you kick ass.

hope ya liked my first ever hcs of my favourite bois <3

feel free to request more for me to write

ALL CONTENT ON THIS BLOG IS PROPERTY OF KAZUBUBS AND ANY REPOSTING/CLAIMING/EDITING OF THE WORK ISN'T ALLOWED

[personasintro]

idk who needs to hear/read this but if you're not enjoying where a story is going, or how long something is taking. to put it simply. just stop reading then. if its not for you, its not for you. thats ok. you can have your preference on things. but they're need to berate authors is questionable. sometimes i think anons just need other people to agree with them thinking it'll change something. or get the author to write what they want instead. which. idk. lol the world doesn't revolve around them (anons who demand, or give unsolicited writing advice).

tbf when they started sleeping together casually as two single people, i thought 'wow omg this is progressing faster than i thought. ' (this coming from a person who likes to read angsty shit for fun) lol so idk what people are expecting. i remember talking about it on your discord server how a bunch of us all thought there would be other things that would happen before they started sleeping together again, and then bam mimi delivered jk/yn hooking up on a silver platter. and people still have the audacity to.. complain??

i think the pace of everything is realistic. developing feelings for a friend you had no intention of ever having feelings for in the first place, is a difficult thing to navigate. i think the reason why mh has become one of my favourite series is the fact that it is realistic, to how yn holds back, how jk is navigating his attraction to yn. everything. sure they both found each other attractive when they first met, but i personally think if either of them was interested in each other in that way at the very beginning. one of them (jk, probably) would have made it a point to make a move. the fact that neither of them did, to my knowledge, and decided to be friends and become best friends without any intention of dating each other is kind of refreshing and nice. its not often where this is the case, most times when i've read best friends to lovers/fwb, someone has always had feelings and just suppressed them in order to just be friends. which im not saying is a bad thing, but thats clearly not the case for yn + jk.

being attracted to someone, and falling in love and developing feelings for someone are two very different things. to top it all off, they are best friends. they trust each other immensely, and care for one another on a whole different level. the fact that they managed to be that for each other without being in love with one another, is something so so so SO special. the thought of anything potentially ruining that. is terrifying. they already managed to have slept together (multiple times), and keep their friendship intact sans feelings. thats a difficult thing in and of itself.

then again, this is just my interpretation on mimi's story, and because of how mimi has written this story. she's made every character have this depth to each of them, every character (esp jk + yn) have so many different dimensions to them. nothing is predictable and thats what makes it so realistic to me. reading how yn + jk navigate this very new and scary thing, for me, is very rewarding. it also makes me feel a lot of strong feelings i didn't know i could still feel for fictional characters.

there's something building up, and i for one, cannot wait for whatever it is you have in store for us mimi. 💜

ps. sorry, i never can seem to write you a short + sweet message. always gotta be a damn novel.

Thank you for doing god's work!🙏 honestly, there are times when I simply just don't go into full depth when those kind of anons asks come, because I feel like there's no point of trying to explain things. At the end, this story is free for anyone to read and obviously, if somebody doesn't like it's storyline or whatever, they can stop reading and that's what I've been saying all the time with no hard feelings. If you don't like a movie, you stop watching it right? It's very similar with stories (if not totally the same). Even if I express my thoughts (which I think just irritates them more because I don't really care🤣) I always get attacked and they hide behind "constructive criticism", it's the same old story every time.

Which is why I appreciate every single nice message. Honestly, I don't think I can thank you enough for writing all of this (not because our opinions are the same or because you're kissing my ass like somebody would say🤪) you pretty much fully understand this story and I love your interpretation but most importantly, thank you for trusting me and loving this story to the point you've decided to share this with us. It really means a lot!

Don't apologize, I love novels😌💓 thank you again!

[uwurakax]

another day ♡

pairing: oikawa x f!reader ♡

genre: angsty // exes // mutual pining ♡

summary: after the constant fighting and bubbling insecurities, you and oikawa both decide that breaking up is probably for the best. too bad that it wasn’t what either if you had wanted ♡

♡ read part one ‘save your tears’ here ♡

word count: 2k ♡

author’s note: super tired, i should be packing but im not lol, 4am gang ayyy. as always not proofread because i cannot stomach the idea of rereading what i wrote. this was what originally ‘save your tears’ was going to be, but part one got too long so haha. spoils of part one, so if you haven’t read it go ahead, or don’t lolol it could be read alone ig hurr hurr ♡

♡ (inspired by save your tears - the weeknd/ariana grande) ♡

At one point in time, you would’ve enjoyed an atmosphere like this; the blaring lights, pounding music, and even the heat radiating off warm bodies in a cramped space. It was much more enjoyable when you had the familiar, comforting presence of him.

Yes him: Oikawa Tōru. Also known as the the guy who broke your heart less than two months ago. You hadn’t seen him since the week after, finally being able to pick up everything and go. It was scary how silent it was between you two. The unit the both of you had made a home, your first home with him, just a little more barren. Just a little more bare.

Just a little more empty.

Once homely rooms were now plain. To anyone else, it could be called minimalistic or modern. Sleek if you were to exaggerate it. To the both of you however, it was just stone cold. A lifeless corpse. One poor imitation of what it once was.

And seeing it like this was almost enough to have your heart break for a second time. It was a physical representation of your relationship. The feelings of warmth, comfort, admiration, any and every word any literary body could ever akin to love was once found here. It was sad to see it gone, almost like it was never there. However if you looked past the surface you’d see all the small details of things that once occupied the room. The once full drawers now easily fitting clothes with plenty of room to spare. A countertop with products only to one half of the sink. The minuscule dust imprints left behind on the shelves that once housed your books.

The lingering smell of your perfume that was once so prominent.

You couldn’t tell, but Oikawa could. In the week you were gone, it slowly started to fade. The first night Oikawa was drowning in it. It clung to, what once was, your pillow and on the blanket. Choking and suffocating him with the sweet smell. He couldn’t bear to see the bed without you in it, and hated the God awful smell. Opening the window and facing away, he had a dreamless sleep that night.

And as the week passed, so did the scent of you.

He couldn’t explain why, but the moment he opened the door, his body felt at ease. His eyes blessed, even if you had those dark circles and slightly red eyes with unkempt hair. It was as if it was instinct to feel relief at being near you.

It was the longest few hours of Oikawa’s life that day, and somehow it was still just too short. Helping you gather your things, putting them into boxes and loading them into a tiny hired truck until eventually there was nothing left.

You were gone from the apartment, and now Oikawa’s life.

It was awkward the second time, saying goodbye. The finality of it all dawning on the both of you. You at least had this excuse to see each other once more. After this, there was nothing. No more reasons to come back, to call, message or even see each other again.

This was officially the last time you’d ever get to see Oikawa Tōru.

You’d both stood there for a few moments, only the wind against leaves and the occasional car offering any sort of background noise. Neither of you wanting or willing for this moment to end. Despite it all, it wasn’t hard to see that you both yearned for each other. Just how cruel it was that you couldn’t see it.

Oikawa kept your pillow close that night. The smell of you was so faint, he was sure that it wouldn’t be too long before it completely faded. As he held the plush item near his chest he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of life he could’ve had with you if he wasn’t so prideful? All the fantasies and white picket fences surged in his mind, and so he finally drifted off to sleep, thinking of you.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Here”

You turned to see your best friend handing you a glass of, well you weren’t sure exactly but anything to dull your senses at this point was okay in your book. Yes, almost two months since your breakup and you were still so torn. It was what he wanted right? Your lives are better this way. You’re sure his is. He wouldn’t have to hear you “nag” as he so put it, and you didn’t have to feel the exhaustion resulting because of it.

It was better this way. You knew it. Oikawa knew it. Your friends and family knew it. Heck even the old ladies down the damn street knew it.

So why did it feel so shitty.

You downed the drink quickly, not wanting to go through the spiral of emotions you were sure you were going to experience. You’d deal with the pain and hangover tomorrow like the adult you were. For now you just wanted to dance till your feet hurt, and then drink until they stopped hurting. A quick descent into self destruction that you’re sure you’d regret.

Or maybe you wouldn’t.

The moment you turned your head to get back to the dance floor you locked eyed with him.

For a moment you stopped breathing. The music faded out quickly and the patrons of the club disappeared. Suddenly it was just you and him.

He looked good this time around, nothing like the last time you saw him. His perfectly fluffed and styled hair that was just so effortlessly Oikawa had become messy bed head. His bright chocolate eyes that twinkled just a little with mischief when he smirked had become sunken. His whole demeanour had completely drooped into a depressive state. It hurt to see.

He wasn’t like that now. He looked like how he had been before. No longer were the remnants of a heartbroken man. Oikawa Tōru had gone back to his charming self once again.

A cute girl with silky, long black hair approached him and just as quick as they went, everything came flooding back; the music, people and you found yourself being able to breathe again.

She touched his arm and laughed. The look in her eyes filled with the glimmer coyness. Her body language oozed with flirty persona. It was all too familial.

You should’ve guessed that he’d date again. It wasn’t like he couldn’t. The moment you both severed the relationship he had every right to do what he wanted. You did too. Sure you were seeing someone, but it wasn’t like that.

All too, touchy-feely.

It hurt to see, you weren’t going to lie. Seeing the way he touched her, held her, danced with her. For a good portion of the night you saw it. Seeing him be with her, the way he used to with you. No longer being the main character in his story; you were in the audience, watching.

You didn’t want to stay until the ending.

Without a word, you briskly brushed passed sweaty bodies, being bumped a few times before you finally made it to the door and opened it.

You walked a couple paces to the middle of the footpath, deeply inhaling the fresh air. It wasn’t suffocating anymore. You fumbled with your purse, reaching inside to pull out your phone. With the glow of neon lights emanating behind you, you saw a stray tear on the blackness of your screen.

Fuck, when did that happen?

You wiped it with the palm of your hand, and went to unlock your phone. As you prepared to send a text you heard the call of your voice.

“Tōr-Oikawa?”

He mentally winced at this, the formal tone of using his surname struck something inside. He didn’t like it, not at all. It wasn’t right, it felt strange.

“What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here? You followed me”

“Right... I guess I just wanted to see how you were, that’s all” he looked away, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. You softened at this. It just took you back to why you fell for him in the first place. The little things like this, that made you feel cared for and loved. Perhaps for a few minutes you could be delusional and pretend that Oikawa still cared for you.

“I’m fine, what about you? How is everything going?” Yikes. You cringed at how awkward you were being. You supposed that that’s how it was, not exactly friends and not complete strangers either.

“Yeah fine too...” he trailed off, and just like that you were brought back to that time before you left. Before the official goodbye. Not ready to end things just yet, but neither knowing what more to say.

Just for a little while, let me remember every trace, curve and detail.

You didn’t know what came over you, but soon enough you found yourself drawing closer to Oikawa. He looked at you with half lidded eyes, not daring to move a step, almost afraid if he did it would ruin this moment with you. Yes, it was selfish but...

You lifted your hand to cup his cheek, just like a memory from before. Using the pad of your thumb, you gently brushed over the soft skin. Ever so delicately, you traced down his jaw. The intimacy of your movements crossed a boundary between you. You knew it and he did too. You’d let yourselves be greedy though.

Oikawa raised his own hands to touch your face, perfectly ingraining it into his mind and body. His fingers slowly going over your features. He wouldn’t allow himself to forget any part of you.

It wasn’t long until you both wanted to overstep more.

The longing between you too great to try and stop. Eventually you both moved closer, faces and soul alike reaching for the other. Just a bit closer.

“Y/N?”

“Oikawa?”

You both frantically pulled away, heart racing now.

“Kageyama..”

“Tobio”

Oikawa tried to hide the venom in his voice, he really did, but when he saw Kageyama make his way beside you he couldn’t help but see red.

It didn’t seem like life was playing a very fair game.

“Oikawa are you alright?” He looked down at the petite girl beside him, now clinging to his arm. He threw on one of his brilliant smiles and told her it was okay.

“Are you cold? Here” Oikawa couldn’t keep up that smile for too long, not when he saw him putting his jacket around you. How you snuggled into the warmth. How it showed Oikawa that you were no longer his, and that you now found solace in another.

He couldn’t blame you, he knew that deep inside. He did the same, why shouldn’t you? It didn’t stop the burning hatred and envy he felt. The overwhelming sadness that enveloped him. All a heavy dump of emotions thrown on him within a few seconds.

You felt it too though. That girl hanging off his arm. Getting to parade around that Oikawa was hers. It was totally unreasonable to feel this way. You both ended things. It was mutual right? You would’ve told him and he would’ve told you if this breakup was a mistake right?

Right?

“Wanna go?” Kageyama whispered in your ear. You nodded.

“It was nice seeing you again T-Oikawa” you smiled sadly.

“You too Y/N...bye” you both turned away, walking in opposite directions. With every step, your heartache grew just a little more. Almost like your body needed to be near his, the memories it held being more truthful than your head could ever be.

Your heart, body and soul wanted Oikawa.

Your mind told you to let him go for his sake.

“Hey Y/N?”

“Hey Oikawa?”

“Yes Kageyama?”

“Hmm?”

“He was your ex right? Oikawa?”

“That girl back there, is she her? The ex?

“Yeah he was”

“Yeah, she was”

“Do you still love him?”

“Do you still love her?”

There was a pause and you both stopped, mulling the question over.

Did you still love each other? It wasn’t hard to tell, everyone knew the answer. Ask any stranger but...

“No”

..

...

..

You both lied.