#and I've been thinking about it all week. my birthday is coming up. idk I'm just feeling kinda weird

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

live with me forever now (just not for long, for long); October '23

Fall Out Boy, Heartbreak Feels So Good // The Farewell (2019) dir. Lulu Wang // Fall Out Boy, Hum Hallelujah // unknown // Amy Hempel // Erin Slaughter // Sally Wen Mao // Richard Siken // Laura Makabresku, The Anatomy of Melancholy // Trista Mateer // A Softer World // unknown // The Farewell // Hosho McCreesh // unknown // Fall Out Boy, Heaven, Iowa // The Farewell // Kaveh Akbar // locket engraved with words by E. E. Cummings (source unknown) // Panic! at the Disco, Trade Mistakes // Hieu Minh Nguyen

[livwritessometimes]

Enough For You - Lando Norris

: Lando Norris x Reader

: All Y/n wanted was to be enough for Lando

: Series Masterlist

: Main Masterlist

: Author's Note - I had been so busy with work that this kept on getting delayed but anyways it's finally here! lmk what you think.

…

liked by landonorris and 72,393 others

👤: landonorris

Yourname: Running around the city with my favourite papaya boy (Osc yk it's always you he paid me to say that)! At this point I deserve an award for how many years I've put up with your antics <3

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oscarpiastri: Wow so this is what betrayal feels like (It's okay i know I'm your favourite, let little Lando Norris have his fun)

-> landonorris: i- bitch please I'm older than you

-> yourname: @/landonorris shhhh let the grown ups talk

*liked by oscarpiastri*

landonorris: oh please you love it!

-> yourname: do I now?

-> landonorris: 😏

-> User73: THIS SEXUAL TENSION AHHH!!!!!

-> User21: And then they say "we're just friends" ya just friends my ass

User93: Hmm so Lando spent his only day off during race week with y/n....interesting

Y/n waved as she watched Lando drive away from her doorstep. Today had been like a fever dream. When Lando called her, asking to spend time with her, Y/n was over the moon. It was like wishing for something and having it come true. As she entered the house, she got a text from Lando:

Lando 🧡: I had a lot fun! thanks for keeping me company today!

Smiling to herself, Y/n made her way into her bedroom. There at the vanity mirror was a photo of her and Lando from when they were 18 years old. It was the night they both went for a bonfire with some of their friends. It was also the first time Y/n realised that she was madly in love with Lando. She doesn't know if it was the melted marshmallow that he somehow managed to get in his hair or the fact that he noticed her getting cold amongst so many people at the bonfire and offered her his hoodie, a hoodie that she still wears to this date, but somehow, surrounded by friends, all Y/n could see was Lando, sitting on a wooden log, looking back at her from between the flames that rose from the wood. 

As she got ready for the night Y/n got another text from Lando:

Lando 🧡: Just got home

Lando 🧡: Again thanks for today, everyone I called was busy or just didn't want to go. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there

And the bittersweet feeling was back again. For Y/n, Lando was the sun; he was the center of everything. There was not a day that went by without him not being on her mind - their impromptu coffee runs, their inside jokes, their stolen glances. Yet every time Y/n let herself believe that something was going to happen between them, she was always met with disappointment. It seemed like she was always a convenient option for Lando. Someone he'd come to when he had no one around but would easily disregard when he found someone more exciting. Y/n thinks about all those times she spent crying because she felt used. About the time when Lando threw her a birthday party and then proceeded to spend the entire night hitting on almost every girl present at the venue. The worst part is that Y/n wasn't even mad; instead, she was sad about the fact that she wasn't one of the girls. All she would ask for at every birthday wish, every 11:11, every rainbow she saw was for Lando to finally see her.

Y/n could feel herself get emotional, so she decided to browse through her phone, when she got a notification on Twitter.

liked by User32 and 87,989 others

👤: landonorris

LN4Updates: Lando Norris in today's twitch stream!!

view all 78,932 comments

User32: hmm ok let me quickly just go and bleach my entire head 🏃🏻‍♀️

User43: He does seem like he would like blondes more

-> User51: What do you mean?

-> User43: Idk blondes are prettier, they seem to have more fun and lando is the kinda guy that enjoys that ig

Yourname added to their story!

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| User93 replied to your story

-> are you perhaps maybe idk just taking a wild guess here could be absolutely off dying your hair b****e??

One thing that Y/n was extremely grateful for in her friendship with Lando was being able to befriend George. Over the years, he had become like a brother to her, and because of George, she also got to know Carmen. She was like a breath of fresh air, and Y/n doesn't know how she would manage her life now without Carmen by her side. The moment they met, it was like they had known each other their whole lives. Carmen was always protective of Y/n. All those times that Y/n found herself crying over Lando, Carmen was always there with her, consoling her. She knows that Carmen wants the best for her and that she's disappointed that Y/n is dying her hair to make Lando like her more, but how can she not? The boy of your dreams likes blondes more, and she would do anything to make him like her. Looking up at the mirror, Y/n stared at her tied-up brunette locks. In the reflection, she caught sight of a book kept on top of her table. She let out a bitter chuckle, remembering the time Lando had posted that book and talked about how impressed he was with it. Like an idiot, Y/n got that book and read it word for word, in hopes that Lando would think that she is smart and that they have more in common than he might think. Instead, Lando barely even registered her comment about the book; he was more focused on the waitress who was taking their order. 

liked by landonorris and 4,92,372 others

👤: yourname

whowhatwear: In this month's cover story, we uncover all the aspects of Y/n L/n's personality we don't get to see on the internet. From starting her modeling career to being heavily involved in Formula 1 ("I got into F1 because of a close friend of mine and since then I have done everything I can to support women in motorsports"), we discuss life struggles, personal growth and more in this month's cover at the link in our bio.

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Yourname: Thank you so much for having me!!! I can't wait for everyone to see this month's edition <3

*liked by whowhatwear*

User88: umm hello since when did you go BLONDEEEEE 👱🏻‍♀️

-> User02: I swearrr! i screamed so loud when I saw thisss

carmenmmundt: SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!

*liked by Yourname*

-> Yourname: Ahhh thank you Carrr 💕

-> User66: I want what they have!

landonorris: You look absolutely breathtaking in this one @/yourname

*liked by Yourname*

User09: I feel like I have died and reached heaven <3

User69: Serve queen 👸🏼

landonorris: Can't takle my eyes off this post!!! Running to get the copy 🏃🏻💨

*liked by Yourname*

liked by landonorris and 76,730 others

👤: landonorris

yourname: Did someone say tanning season ☀️

view all 68,488 comments

User88: And then they say "we're just friends"

-> User02: I swearrr

landonorris: Prettiest blonde I know

-> yourname: 🙈🙈

User93: @/landonorris whatever you're recording over there, we better get that clip or else

landonorris: The sun came out pretty good didn't it 🤭

-> yourname: It did! I wonder who the artist was

-> landonorris: Must be someone amazing, I mean mad skills right there 🔥

-> User43: HE DREW A SUN ON HER!!!!!!!

liked by yourname and 102,832 others

👤: team_quadrant, riabish

landonorris: SPEEDCO is out now on quadrant.gg check it out!!! Also watch me and ria slay

view all 85,925 comments

riabish: Letsgooo 🙌🏻

riabish: The best looking duo out there!!!

-> landonorris: you know it 😏

User62: you guys look soo goood togetherrrr

-> User55: ikrrr like date already!!

landonorris added to their story!

seen by User06 and 91,298 others

| User06 replied to your story

-> Love Party Boy!Lando 🍾

Lando quickly posted a story before he kept his phone back and continued to talk to the girl in front of him. George, Lando, Charles, and a couple of other drivers had decided to go clubbing before race week, and so here Lando was surrounded by friends, enjoying himself. So lost in his conversation, Lando did not notice three pairs of eyes on him. From afar, Y/n, Carmen, and George watched Lando interact with some blonde girl. The three of them had decided to come together for the club.

Y/n felt like laughing at her fate; no matter what she does, he still won't pay attention to her the way she wants him to. Even with her now blonde hair, he was still talking to someone else. Lando made his way towards the trio with the girl from earlier. "Hey, mate, how's it going?" he asked George before turning towards Carmen and saying, "Carmen! It's always a pleasure to see you. You look fabulous, by the way." Lando turned towards Y/n and gave her a nod before taking a sip from his drink, not bothering to say anything else. 

"Good mate, don't you want to, say, compliment Y/n too?" George asked, having seen the look of hurt on Y/n's face when Lando didn't say anything about her. "Nah mate, yk it's just Y/n; she's not the compliment type," Lando said before laughing and throwing an arm around Y/n's shoulder.

Pain, hurt, and embarrassment. That's all Y/n felt under Lando's embrace. She could see the girl from earlier smirking at Y/n after Lando's comment. Suddenly she felt hot, the kind of hot that makes you want to disappear entirely. Carmen saw right through Y/n's fake smile after what Lando had just said. She knew Y/n needed a moment alone, away from this scene and, most importantly, away from Lando. "Y/n I wanted to go touch up my makeup. Would you accompany me to the restroom?" Carmen said and grabbed Y/n's hand, pulling her towards the restroom. 

George and Lando went to the bar to get another drink when George said, "You know, that was kinda mean back there." Lando looked at George, confused. "What you said to Y/n," said George. Lando just shrugged and said, "Yk, how it is with me and her, we're always like this." "Do you know she likes you, like more than a friend?" George couldn't help himself; he knew he'd hear from Carmen and Y/n about this, but he just couldn't control himself. "What?" Lando looked at George, a little shocked. "Ya man, she does. Idk why you keep on chasing these meaningless girls when you have someone as amazing as Y/n by your side, and what for some hours of pleasure?" George said this before he took a sip of his drink and looked at Lando. "Why didn't she say anything?" George just shrugged at that. Lando's mind went back to all the interactions they've ever had, trying to piece together a moment that might confirm this theory that George had just blurted out. 

Meanwhile, in the restroom, Carmen was trying to calm down Y/n "He's just stupid; don't listen to him. You know how many people have come up to try to talk to you today. Don't let him ruin your night," said Carmen. Y/n running hands through her hair, "Ya, but none of them were him, and now he just went ahead and embarrassed me in front of everyone like that." Taking a deep breath, Y/n said, "I think I want to go home. Ya, I'll see you tomorrow for the practice." With that, Y/n rushed out of the restroom and towards the exit. 

Lando saw Y/n leave in a rush and followed her. "Y/n,"  "Y/n wait up." She heard Lando's voice but continued to make her way towards the exit to book a cab for herself. "Wait up, where are you going? And are you booking a cab? It's not safe to take a cab this late," Lando said as he caught up with her at the exit. "It's okay; I'll manage just fine. You can go back to the party now," Y/n replied bitterly before typing in her address. Just as she was about to confirm the cab, Lando took her phone from her hand. "WHAT?" Y/n said a little louder than she had intended to, making a few people look their way. "I'll drop you; please, let me," Lando said before he took her hand and led her to his car. 

The journey was filled with silence; not a single word was exchanged between the two of them. Not even a single glance—well, not from Y/n at least—because Lando kept looking at her every few minutes or so. Growing tired of this weird air in the car, Y/n asked, "Do you want to say anything?" Lando just looked back at her without saying anything. "If not, then please stop looking at me again and again," Y/n said. "I can't help it; you look absolutely stunning," said Lando. Y/n scoffed at that comment before saying, "Oh, why the praise? I thought I wasn't the compliment type." Lando internally regrets saying that now. "Look, I know that you like me. George told me," Y/n felt her heart drop, waiting for Lando to continue, to tell her that he was not interested in her and that she could never be his type- "And I want to give this a try," said Lando, breaking her from her thoughts. "Whatt?" Y/n, not believing her ears, asked again. "What do you mean by you want to give this a chance?" Lando stopped the car at the traffic light before turning to look at Y/n. Taking a hold of her hand, he said, "I want to see where this goes. We have such great chemistry, and everyone else also seems to think the same. I want to give us a try." "So, what do you say, Y/n, L/n? Will you date me?" Lando looked at Y/n, expecting her to answer; what he didn't expect was for her to pull him in for a kiss. It was only when the car behind them started honking that they pulled away from each other. Lando drove Y/n back to her house. The car was filled with silence again, but this time, rather than tension, it was filled with this newfound excitement. 

liked by yourname and 182,822 others

👤: Yourname

landonorris: Another week, Another race!! let's make the most of this one 🧡

view all 85,925 comments

User22: Ummmm so are you not gonna talk about how YOU'RE KISSING Y/N

User01: Ofc betrayed by my favourite driver 💔

Yourname: Let's get podium this week

*liked by landonorris*

-> mclaren: Yess let’s goooo 🏆

*liked by landonorris, Yourname*

liked by User22 and 101,282 others

👤: f1

Formula1Updates: Sebastian Vettel bids farewell to Formula 1. Lewis Hamilton organized a celebratory dinner in honor of the legendary Vettel. All drivers gather together with their wives/girlfriends to celebrate the fantastic journey of Seb. Here is a photo of all the drivers outside the restaurant. Click the link in the bio to learn more!

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User22: The end of an era!!!

Y/n looked around at all the people that had gathered here to celebrate Seb. She had not known him for that long, but when she needed him; he was there for her. It is funny how they first met; it was the race after Y/n's birthday, and Lando had invited her to the paddock as a way to make up to her for ignoring Y/n during her birthday party, which he threw. Y/n was so excited to spend time with him, but all that excitement died down when she got to know that Lando had also invited some of his other friends. Still, she tried to get along with everyone for Lando's sake but it was of no use. Lando barely exchanged a few words with her, instead he spent his entire time with his other friends, which included a bunch of models from Instagram. Y/n remembers how she had gone for a walk in hopes to make her self feel better when she ran into Seb. He just had a way with people, upon seeing her Seb immediately knew something was wrong and what was meant to be a quick 5 min walk to clear her mind turned into a 2 hour ranting session for Y/n. Rest is all history, since then Seb sort of took Y/n under his guidance, always giving her advise when she needed it.

Y/n felt someone stand next to her, and when she turned, she was face-to-face with the man of the evening himself. "Not getting bored, are you?" Seb asked Y/n while giving her a little nudge. "Of course not, just sad that I won't get to see you in the paddock anymore," Y/n said as she let out a sign. Gently pulling her in for a side hug, Seb said, "I see you got the guy!" This caused Y/n to turn her attention to Lando. There he was, the boy she had fallen in love with a long time ago, falling in love with her too. It was as if he could sense her gaze, because at that moment Lando turned to look at Y/n and smiled at her before going to talk to more people present at the party. "Yes, now you no longer have to listen to me mope over him, huh?" Y/n said as she smiled at Seb. "Just know that if he ever breaks your heart, I'll slash his tyres," Seb playfully threatened as he took a sip of his drink. Y/n laughed at his comment before excusing herself to go talk to Alexandra and Carmen.

After a while of chatting, Y/n started to wonder where Lando was. Making her way around the room, she saw him talking to some brunettes. So many people were invited that Y/n had no clue who most of them were. As she made her way towards Lando, she saw the girl raise her hand to fix his hair. Y/n could feel jealousy brewing in her. Quickly making her way towards him, she threw an arm around his waist and greeted him. "Hey, babe, where have you been? They are about to serve dinner; I thought I should come and get you," Y/n said as she looked at the girl in front of her. "Oh yeah, let's get going. I'll talk to you later, Luisa. It was lovely meeting you here, and again, you look amazing. Have a great night," Lando said as he wrapped his arm around Y/n and started walking towards the dining area with her.  Y/n forced herself to smile; she told herself that it's okay; Lando is with her now. All these meaningless compliments to other girls are not going to do anything to change that. At the end of the day, she gets to go home with him, not them, and that's enough. Y/n knew there was no point in dwelling on this; it was not going to do her any good, and if she brought it up, it might cause a fight between them. So instead, Y/n turned her attention to the food in front of her and the people around her. Taking part in their conversation, so she could forget the thoughts plaguing her mind.

liked by landonorris and 76,730 others

👤: landonorris, carmenmmundt

yourname: Too many memories, too many people to tag! What a dinner it was Lewis! Gonna miss having Seb around 🫂

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sebastianvettel: Gonna miss terrorizing mclaren with you @/Yourname

*liked by Yourname*

-> mclaren: 😟

lewishamilton: Thank you Y/n <3 Really glad you we're able to make it

*liked by Yourname*

carmenmmundt: It's you and me against the world 💕

-> Yourname: Forever and ever 🤞🏻

*liked by carmenmmundt*

User68: Okay but way hasn't Lando commented???

liked by yourname and 120,732 others

👤: maxfewtrell, luisinhaoliveira99

landonorris: Had one of the best trips in Dubai!!! Can't wait to visit again 🌵

view all 82,032 comments

maxfewtrell: Best part was when you fell from the camel 😂

-> landonorris: what the hell mate!! you were supposed to keep that a secret

User01: Shirtless landooo 🤤

User48: Omgggg Lando and Luisa look so cuteeeee

-> User03: Dudee he has a gf why would you ship him with her??

-> User48: Honestly I think they look better together

Y/n felt hurt and disappointed. Boys trip! That's what Lando had said, so when she saw him post pictures with Luisa, she felt her heart sank. For a moment, Y/n was still ready to ignore this; maybe she was there at the same time, or maybe they did plan to go. Who cares? She trusts Lando, and that's all that should matter. But all the comments under his post talking about how he looks better with Luisa and how Lando and Y/n should have never gotten together made her question everything.

Unable to think straight, Y/n called Lando:

Lando: Hey, babe (he greeted cheerfully)

Y/n: (For a second, Y/n wanted to forget about all of this and just not make things worse between them) Hey Lan, How was the trip?

Lando: Oh, it was great. I had so much fun; the boys and I went on a safari and all too!! It was just amazing

Y/n: Oh, did the boys have fun?

Lando: Yes, it was honestly one of the best trips I've ever been on

Y/n: Why was Luisa with you guys? (Y/n went straight to the topic, tired of beating around the bush)

Lando: (hesitant) What do you mean, she came on the trip with us?

Y/n: You never told me she was also going. Why did she go anyway? I thought it was just an "all boys trip," or is Luisa one of the boys now?

Lando: What do you even mean? Of course not. Luisa came because I invited her. That day at Seb's dinner, we had such a good conversation that I asked her if she wanted to come with us. I mean, what's the big deal anyway?

Y/n: What's the big deal? The big deal is that you failed to mention to your girlfriend, who is still me, that you were going on a trip with another girl who, by the way, you met a couple of weeks ago. And now you're telling me you invited her?? Do you see why I am having a hard time trying to wrap my head around this?

Lando: Honestly, you're making a bigger deal than it actually is. Ya, so I invited her. It's not like I fucked her or anything, and forgive me if inviting a friend on a trip is a crime.

Y/n: A friend I'd still understand; she's not your friend Lando, and if anything, you should have asked me to come and not her!

Lando: Is that what the problem is—you're jealous I didn't invite you? Honestly, Y/n that's just pathetic, even for you. Your constant need to be around me 24/7 is so annoying sometimes. Do you ever think that maybe I invited Luisa because I can't stand this clingy behaviour of yours? But, of course, you'd never think about how you might be at fault here. I just feel like you can never be satisfied, like ever. Every time I talk to a girl, you have an issue. I mean, if it's such a huge issue, then let's just end things. That would make things a lot simpler for the both of us.

Y/n: No, wait, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry if you felt like that. I had no idea that you were feeling like that. I swear, I don't have an issue with you interacting with other girls. It's just all these comments online that have been getting to me.

Lando: You know, they always say random things. People ship me with any beautiful girl they see me with, but that doesn't mean that it will come true. You should be so easy to control that even meaningless comments get to you.

Y/n: Ya, I'm sorry

Lando: It's okay. Now, what are you doing tonight? There is a party I want to attend, and I wanted to know if you'd like to come with me

Y/n: Oh, nothing, I'm free. Pick me up at 8?

Lando: You got it! Anyway, I should get going.

Y/n: Bye, I love yo-(Lando hung up before she could finish)

Signing to herself, Y/n opened her chat with Carmen

Y/n: Hey, sorry to inform you at the last minute, but something came up and I won't be able to make it tonight. (Y/n felt guilty about ditching Carmen on their movie night. She knew if she told her the real reason, Carmen would be extremely upset with Y/n, but more than that, angry at Lando)

Carmen 🤎: Is everything okay??

Y/n: Ya, ya, everything is fine. I just remembered this thing I had to complete that I forgot because I kept on procrastinating.

Carmen 🤎: Ofc you'd do that 🤦🏻‍♀️ How many times have I told you to use the planner I gave you? It would make life so much simpler for you

Y/n: Ikkkk I'll use it again next time!! I swear 🫶🏻

Carmen 🤎: Good 😌

Yourname added to their story!

seen by carmenmmundt and 73,028others

| carmenmmundt replied to your story

-> You're out partying again??

Yourname: Ya! Lando got invited to this club so now we're here patyinggg

| landonorris replied to your story

-> Where did you gooo?? come backkkkk i msisss youhhh

Yourname: are you drunk?? lol ok I'm omw to find you <3

liked by User82 and 81,728 others

👤: landonorris, luisinhaoliveira99

LN4Updates: Lando Norris and Luisinha Oliveira were spotted in the Mclaren vicinity. The two previously went on a trip together to Dubai. Fans on Twitter are convinced that these two are seeing each other and that Norris and Y/n L/n have broken up, but there is no confirmation from all the parties involved. From what we can gather, Norris and Oliveira seemed to have a friendly conversation. Some fans present at the race claim that they saw Norris being a little more affectionate towards Oliveira, but nothing can be said for certain. Is this the end of Norris and L/n, or is there more to the story?

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User20: NOO don't tell me they broke up!!!

User82: Honestly I kinda knew this was gonna happen. I mean Y/n is not really Lando's type. I was really surprised when they had announced they were dating

-> User08: Okay but who asked you for your opinion?? They are perfect

-> User77: I'd have to disagree. Lando and Luisa are more compatible you just don't want to accept the fact that lany/n are not that great

Y/n was fuming. She felt as if someone had slapped her right across the face. Even after letting Lando know about her concerns and reservations about him hanging out with Luisa, he went ahead and did it again. Was this the reason why Lando urged Y/n to take a break from the constant travelling? So that he could have Luisa in the paddock with him? Y/n was disgusted; she felt used and discarded. She changed everything about herself—her hair, the way she dresses, the way she talks—hell, she even started to go to his stupid parties with him to make him like her more. There is always a breaking point in everyone's life, and Y/n had reached that. 

Y/n could feel hurt and anger taking over when she heard the front door of her house open. Lando was home from the race. Without wasting a second, Y/n barged into the living room, only to find Lando relaxing on the couch. "How dare you!" Y/n screamed at Lando. If she wasn't so mad, she would have laughed at Lando's confused expression. "What? What do you mean?" asked Lando. "Don't play dumb with me. I told you how I felt about her, and yet you still invited her to the paddock." Y/n could feel tears pricking her eyes. "What? Luisa? How many times do we have to go through this? At this point, I might as well date her. Because clearly, that's what you think I am doing anyway. You might as well make your wish come true," Lando finished. "I hate you, Lando Norris. I fucking hate you so much. I changed everything EVERYTHING for you. I wanted to be like all those girls you usually like. I changed the way I wear makeup; I changed my freaking hair color because you said you liked blondes more in a stupid stream." Y/n let out a shaky breath before continuing. "When you told me you wanted to give us a try, I was so happy. It felt like the universe had finally heard my prayers. I was so happy that I spent the entire night lying on my bed with a huge smile on my face. You know, I always feared that this would happen. I knew that you'd leave me the second you'd find someone more exciting," Y/n said as she wiped the tears streaming down her face. "I had no idea you felt like this," Lando said. For a second, he almost sounded genuine, like he finally saw how his actions had affected Y/n. "I'm sorry you felt that way," Lando said as he looked back at her. "It's a little too late for sorry now, Lando. You have done the damage," Y/n said. "I said I was sorry. Why can't that be enough for you? What do you want me to do? Stop talking to every girl I ever see." Lando said, getting frustrated with how things were going. "I should have known that this was just a waste of time. I would have had such an easy life if George hadn't opened his big mouth and blabbered about how my life would be much better if I just gave you a try and stopped chasing after meaningless pleasure. If only I had known that I was just choosing one meaningless pleasure over another," Lando said as he finally let his frustration take over. Y/n couldn't take it anymore. "Get out! Just get the hell out of my house. I don't want to see your face ever again. I regret the day I met you. I regret it with every fibre present in my body," Y/n said as she watched Lando leave her house, but not before slamming the front door shut. 

Y/n broke down, sinking to the floor. She took her phone out to text Carmen.

landonorris added to their story!

seen by luisinhaoliveira99 and 91,298 others

| luisinhaoliveira99 replied to your story

-> ❤️‍🔥

liked by luisinhaoliveira99 and 100,789 others

👤: luisinhaoliveira99

landonorris: Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years 💕

view all 71,873 comments

User02: Wait does this mean that Lando and Y/n are no longer together??

-> User54: Did you not see the story Lando posted the other day?? I think that was enough to confirm that 💔

User98: He used lyrics from loverrr!!!! this boy is down bad

luisinhaoliveira99: Can we always be this close! Forever and ever <3

*liked by landonorris*

User82: I'm happy that he is happy but isn't this too soon? like he just broke up with Y/n. I mean the least we can do is wait for a month or something not just a few days!!!

-> User66: That's so true! I was thinking the same thing. I mean unless....This has been going on for a while! That's the only explanation cause why else would he jump into a new relationship so quickly??

-> User82: I mean it could be! Do you think this is why George unfollowed Lando??

Y/n saw Lando's post, confirming that he was with Luisa. Y/n hated that girl. She had everything Y/n could have wanted, and she didn't even have to change herself to get Lando's attention. Tired of feeling sorry for herself, Y/n made her way to her bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror, all she could see was a part of her that she no longer liked. A pathetic part of her that tried everything just so she could get a boy to love her longer. Frustrated, she got into her car and drove to the salon she always goes to. It was about time she felt like her old self again, and the easiest step in that direction was getting rid of the sad blonde locks that covered her head.

Yourname added to their story!

seen by carmenmmundt and 65,821 others

| User93 replied to your story

-> Yessss the queen is backkkkk 👑

liked by User22 and 101,282 others

👤: Yourname, shawnmendes

F1Gossip: Bye bye Lando! Y/n L/n, the former girlfriend of Lando Norris, was spotted getting cozy with singer/songwriter Shawn Mendes. The two reportedly first met when they were doing a campaign together for Tommy Hilfiger. Ever since the announcement of Norris's new relationship, L/n has become radio silent. Apart from posting a single story and work-related content, L/n has left her fans guessing about what's been going on with her life. Neither Mendes nor L/n have commented on the paparazzi photos that captured them looking anything but friendly. Is there a new couple on the block or are they "Just Friends?" Stay tuned for more updates on this situation!

view all 65,029 comments

User11: Ohhhh not the "Just friends" shadeeee 🫢

liked by Yourname and 143,086 others

👤: Yourname

shawnmendes: Nothing to see here, just me, my beautiful girlfriend, and our little baby 🦮

view all 121,872 comments

Yourname: The most perfect family I could have ever asked for <3

-> shawnmendes: ❤️

*liked by Yourname*

carmenmmundt: When do i get to meet the most handsome boy in the world???

-> georgerussell63: what do you mean? I just saw you

-> Yourname: 😀

-> shawnmendes: 😀

-> carmenmmundt: 😀

-> georgerussell63: 😌

georgerussell63: The baby in question is a grown ass dog that tried to chew my shoes the other day

-> Yourname: Your fault, should have just let him bite you instead 😒

-> georgerussell63: 😨

-> mercedesamgf1: please give us our George back safe and sound 🥺

User33: Omggggggg Y/n looks so hapyyyyyy and they have a doggggg together!!!! my hearttttt

liked by User22 and 68,028 others

👤: f1

AllthingsF1: Trouble in paradise? Lando Norris and Luisinha Oliveira were seen engaged in a heated argument right before today's qualifying. This comes at a time when Norris has been going through a rough patch these past few races; from constant crashes to DNFs, Norris can't seem to catch a break. Is this off-track drama affecting his performance, or is this simply a coincidence? Some also believe that this could also be the result of Y/n L/n announcing her new relationship. Could this be the downfall for Lando Norris, on and off track?

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liked by User22 and 101,282 others

👤: landonorris, mclaren

F1Tea: Lando Norris is out of the race again! After yet another crash, the chances of Norris and McLaren doing well in the championship seem to be decreasing, race by race. Many fans blame Norris for getting distracted and not performing at his best. Some believe that this poor performance is the result of issues Norris has been facing in his personal life. After his breakup with Luisinha Oliveira, Norris has not been coping that well. Norris also seemed to like a few tweets (now unliked) about his relationship with Y/n L/n. Norris broke up with L/n a few months ago, after which the two have not been in contact. He also immediately got together with Oliveira after their breakup. It's about time that Norris gets out of this slump he's been going through if he wants to hold on to his Formula 1 dream.

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Y/n closed her phone when she heard the front door open, following which she heard a loud bark, and before she knew it, through came her little fur baby, ready to give her all the cuddles in the world. She looked up from her spot on the cough and saw Shawn enter the room holding up a bag of muffins. "Blueberry?" Y/n asked with a hint of excitement in her voice. "You know it! I saw it on my way back and knew how you were craving these. So I got a bunch of them," Shawn said as he kept the baked goods on the counter and made his way towards the couch. "What happened?" Shawn asked, noticing how Y/n looked a little distracted. "Nothing; I just got a text from Lando," Y/n said before looking back at Shawn. "Why? Did he say anything stupid? If so, let me know, because then he'll have to deal with me," Shawn said as he stroked Y/n's leg. "No, he just said he misses me. You know, if I hadn't met you and realized what being in an actual relationship is like, I actually would have gotten back with him," Y/n said as she petted their dog, who was exhausted and almost asleep after a morning run with his dad. "But I am glad that I found you. I have never felt more like myself than when I am with you. I just want to say that I love you so much and I love our little family," Y/n finished. Shawn quickly got up from his place and tackled Y/n. "I love you too. So much, you won't believe it, and I can't wait to expand our little family," Shawn said, smirking at Y/n before he started peppering her face with kisses. Laughter was the only sound that filled the L/n-Mendes household as they spent the rest of the afternoon talking and watching old movies.

Yourname added to their story!

🎶 I Like Me Better by Lauv 🎶

(I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time! I like be better when I'm with you 🩵)

seen by landonorris and 93,842 others

| shawnmendes replied to your story

-> 💙

Lando looked at Y/n's story, and all he felt was pain. Not only did he lose a person who truly loved him, he also lost one of his best friends. Being with Luisa was exciting; it made him feel young and full of life. The idea of settling down seemed so foreign back then that Lando couldn't have cared less about how his actions might have affected Y/n. He knew it was wrong to flirt with multiple women, even though he was in a committed relationship, but all of that felt like nonsense to him back then. But as he lay in bed, sad and alone, Lando realised just how much of an impact Y/n had on his life. He lost the girl, and now he's on the verge of losing his career as well. Lando felt a tear roll down his face. One became two, two became four, and before he knew it, he was full of tears. There was nothing Lando could do; he laid the bed with all his actions, and now he has to sleep in it. Tired of it all, Lando finally let sleep take over him, hoping that when he wakes up later, his heart will feel a little lighter.

[quantum1mmortality]

Jamil Jamil, hes our man! (🍋Jamil x gn!reader🍋)

Okay so this is a belated birthday gift for my beloved boyfriend <<333

I mainly based the things reader says and does over things he'd personally do but I did want to post this on here so he could read it anytime

♧CW: reader is referred to with they/them but is fem bodied, smut and comfort, probably ooc jamil bc we love it when he's soft, first time sex, reader is dealing with a lot of shit fuck and jamil Is so sweet such husband, unsafe sex, its premarital too, jamil has big pp energy so he absolutely has a big pp here, he doesn't know how to use it tho pls help this man, bath sex and cockwarming near the end btw, smut smut smut oh so smutty we love him!!!!!! Also jamil cums inside?? Idk I might do that ig we'll see LMAO, oh also pet names, oh so many pet names bc me and my boyfriend use them on eachother all the time

♤!!ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS FIC ARE 18+!!♤

♤NOT PROOFREAD yall ever proofread a smut??? Its embarrassing. Im not doing that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧ it had been one hell of a week.

Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. Grim was sick beyond belief, no amount of tuna could help him stomach anything. You TRIED to buy more paper towels and better probiotics for him from Sam's shop, but you couldn't afford them because Crowley wasn't paying you enough.

Speaking of Crowley, he had to cut back on your paychecks because the school was putting out too much money for the overblots.

Ace and Deuce were over at ramshackle to help get things fixed up, but the ghosts decided that wasn't a good idea. They started throwing everything around, and one of them hit deuce in the head with a spare candlestick on accident. He wasn't okay, to say the least.

Not only that, but in Crewels class, you weren't paired up with your beloved boyfriend, Jamil! Crewel decided to pair you up with Sebek, and his loud yelling made you lose focus and fuck up the potion, earning a really bad scold from both Sebek, AND Crewel.

But luckily, it was Friday. After school. And you wanted some comfort. And what better way to get that from Jamil himself? Going to the mirror chamber, you get teleported to Scarabia.

Knocking on the door, you're greeted with the ball of sunshine of NRC, the Scarabia housewarden himself. "Hey you! I've been hoping you'd swing by, Jamil seems a little down, think you can cheer him up?" Seems like he's in the same position. No worries, you guys are always help eachother through bad times. Having kalim escort you throughout the halls, you're infront of his door, Jamils door.

Knocking on the door, Kalim yells out to him, "hey Jamil! Your s/o is here! They wanna hang out with you!" He leans on the door, ear pressed against it as you do the same. You can hear jamil yawn from the other side, seems as though he just woke up.

"Come in." He says. Kalim bids his farewell as you open the door to see your beloved. "Ah, my love, I've been hoping you'd come by." He said with a smile as he stood up from his desk. "Jamil! I'm so glad you're here, I heard from Kalim that you were upset.. are you okay?" "I'm more worried about you, dear. You've had quite the week. I've been worrying about you, thats all."

He walks over to his closet and pulls out a stick of incense. Lighting it up and putting it in a holder, he begins to walk over to you. "How are you doing? Are you okay?" He asks as he takes your hands and leads you to sit on his bed, sitting next to you after. You start to twiddle your thumbs, something he picked up that you did when you were nervous.

"I'm just.. I'm so tired... mentally, physically, everything hurts.." you say as you begin to shed tears. Jamil lightly cups your face with one hand and takes your hands in his empty one. He leaves Featherlite kisses on you cheeks as your tears start to spill, he places a soft kiss on your lips before speaking. "Honey, I know this is hard, okay? But im here whenever you need me. I'll always be here, no matter what. You're such an amazing person, everything about you entices me. You're so beautiful, and smart- and I just can't stand seeing you upset. You're so amazing, you don't deserve to feel like this, but im here for you. Always."

Looking into his eyes show nothing but love. He slowly leans in to kiss your lips. Its soft, and sweet. Perfect for him, his lips are so soft against yours. After a few seconds, he pulls away, letting a string of saliva connect the two of you as he places his forehead against yours. "I love you, never forget that." He says, placing another soft kiss on your lips.

"I love you too." You say, deepening the kiss. You begin to nibble on his lower lip, asking for permission and when he gives you it, you slip your tongue in. His mouth is sweet, warm, comforting. You just couldn't help but want more.

You can tell he was getting excited. He usually does when the two of you make out, but he doesn't say anything most of the time. He just excuses himself and takes care of it, coming back like nothing happened. But, what if you just, took it further this time? I mean, Jamil was such an amazing boyfriend, who else would you want to take your first? You knew he was a virgin too, though you have talked about sex in the past with him you couldn't help but notice how shy he'd get when you got too close.

Taking the initiative, you place your palm on his growing bulge, just to earn a surprised grunt from Jamil, followed with him pulling away from the kiss and halting your movements by holding your wrist. "(Y/n).. what are you doing? I mean, I know what you're doing, but are you sure nows a good time? I mean, like, I want to do this, I do, but, you're upset.. you're vulnerable.. I dont want to take advantage of that. I want you to be in the right mindset for this.. thats all." He looks at you with genuine concern in his eyes, but deep down you can see a hint of lost aswell.

"Jamil.. please, I need you. I've wanted this for so long and I just need a stress reliever.. please, you're the only one who can make me feel better.." tears start to form in your eyes out of sexual frustration. Cant someone just want to be dicked down by their boyfriend in peace? Apparently not in this economy.

Jamil takes a second to think, hand still cupping your face as he avoids looking you in the eye. Looking back at you, he begins to speak. "I just don't want you to think im taking advantage of your vulnerability. So, tell me you want this, and I'll give you everything I have. Promise." He says as he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"I want this, I want you Jamil." You say with a nod. A smile shows on his face as he stands up and walks to his bathroom. Coming back after a few moments, he has some things in his hands. "I have condoms and stuff, but if you want to we can do it raw and have you take plan b in the morning? Whatever you want dear, im fine with whatever." Taking a minute to scan everything over, you answer. "Raw. Raw is better. Cum inside me too. Please." Blunt. Jamil got so red from you saying that, he starts tripping over his words, which puts a smile on your face.

"Are you sure? Like, SERIOUSLY, are you sure?? I'm just, I-I'm flattered, really, but we don't have to do this, im okay with wearing condoms, or not doing anything at all!" Jamil says as he avoids looking you in the eyes again. Instead of answering with words, you just answer by kissing him, interlocking your fingers with his, giving them a tight yet gentle squeeze. He seems to take the hint and goes back to the bathroom with everything in hand, putting it away.

He comes back looking as red as a tomato as he walks to the bed and sits next to you. Turning to you, you're able to finally be able to catch his lips into a sweet kiss again. This one getting heated quickly with your tongues dancing in a matter of seconds. You begin to take his jacket off as he slowly unbuttons your dress shirt, leaving enough open so he can begin touching your exposed skin. Slipping of his shirt, you begin to touch his chest, reveling in how toned his stomach is.

He begins to slip off your panties with one hand while the other touches the plush of your thighs. Taking the undergarments off and throwing them somewhere in the room, the takes his middle and ring finger and begins to grab slick while unintentionally brushing up against your clit, earning a loud, unexpected moan from you. He begins to push his fingers into your entrance while kissing you, swallowing and hushing your moans.

As he begins to pump his two fingers in and out of you, he takes his thumb and begins to stimulate your clit, which makes you scream his name whilst breaking your kiss. "Shhh honey, I know you like it, but we must be quiet, we don't want anyone intruding, do we?" He says with a tease in his voice as he begins sucking hickeys on your neck in private places. You still have school after all, he wouldn't want you to get in trouble.

With all of the stimulation, you can quite quickly. How couldn't you? Jamil had two fingers inside you, scissoring and curling while his thumb was rubbing circles on you clit. Coming down from your high, you take steady breaths as Jamil begins to unbuckle his belt, taking his pants and boxers off in one go.

Placing one hand on your hip as his other aligns his long, stiff member with your entrance, he looks into your eyes with nothing bit pure love. "If you ever feel uncomfortable, or want to switch positions, or stop or anything during this, just bite my ear okay? And im not saying nibble, im saying full on bite. I dont give a shit if you draw blood i just want you to be comfortable and happy, okay?" Nodding your head in anticipation, he kisses you as he slowly sinks his member into you.

It hurts. The pain is indescribable, but it quickly morphs into pleasure as he sinks in more. Jamil begins to groan, softly saying under his breath how tight you are, how you're taking him so well, how beautiful you look. Spoonfeeding you praise after praise as he reaches you deepest ends of you.

Finally bottoming out, he hugs your waist, kissing your neck softly. "Tell me when I can move, love." Waiting a minute or two to be adjusted to his size, you speak up. "You can move now." And with that, he begins to thrust in and out of you. Choked moans fill the room from you both as he tries to find a steady pace.

Jamil begins to lean down to your ear, praising how good you feel, telling you how amazing you are and telling you how lucky he is to have you. As he begins to thrust harder and deeper, he begins to kiss you. Its more teeth and tongue than anything, you're both acting like starved beasts who haven't eaten in days.

As Jamil experimentally pulls out and slams his cock back into you, the both of you groan loudly, realizing that he hit your g-spot. As he continues to go in and out of you at a rapid, yet somehow soft pace, you begin to feel his cock twitch inside of you.

Leaning to your ear, he praises you more. "My love, you're making me feel so good. I know you already said I could, but will you please give me permission to cum inside you? You make me feel so amazing, I need you so bad." He says as you moan his name again, not caring who'll hear anymore. Nodding as permission, he releases he load into you, making a few deep thrusts so you cum aswell.

Laying together to catch your breaths, Jamil slowly pulls out, watching as your body twitches from being empty. Going into his bathroom again, he grabs two waters and some sweets for you. "Eat up. You lost a lot of energy just now. I'll go and run a bath for us."

Once you're finished with your snacks and water, Jamil carries you bridal style to the bathroom. Placing you in the bath first, he climbs in after you. He then snakes his arms around your waist and pulls you into his lap. As he begins to wash you up, shampooing your hair and putting bodywash on you, your hands find their way back to his semi hardened member. Jamil practically chokes on his moan as you begin to stroke him, running your finger up and down his shaft.

He looks at you with confusion, earning a small chuckle from you. "One more round? Please?" You say, looking up at him with pleading eyes. He let's out a sigh, picking you up by the waist and slowly sinking you down on his now hardened cock. Getting into a position where your face is buried in his chest, you're content with not moving and just staying as is.

As he begins to wash you more, barely moving his hips as his one hand grips your waist, he starts to kiss more marks into your neck again. "My love, you've sparked something in me. Now im not sure if I can stop after 'one more round'," he practically growls in your ear. This may have been one long week, but this was going to be an even longer night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[w2soneshots]

omg can you pls do a jj x reader where shes simon's sister and he catches them making out then gets all mad because he thinks jj is just being a playboy (im sry idk how to describe it 😭😭) but then realises how much they love each other

ty and i love your fics 💕💕

Not what you think -KSI

words: 0.7k+

warnings: angst, secret relationship, arguing.

summary: you accidentally fall in love with your brother’s best friend.

notes: hey babe!! I’m pretty sure you sent in my last JJ request (correct me if I’m wrong) so I’m gonna name you 💕. Anyway let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!🙂🫶🏼

Me and JJ have been secretly dating for almost three months now. We've known each other for years since Simon's my big brother and they're best friends but just last year I realised I had feelings for him. I didn't act on those feelings so just kept them brewing inside for months because I assumed JJ didn't feel the same.

Until one night we were in a club, celebrating Calfreezy's birthday. We were both a little drunk so had some liquid confidence. He kissed me. But not a little peck, a full on make out session in the back of the club. I was shocked at first but when my brain registered that the person I'd had a massive crush on was basically showing me that he felt the same, I began kissing him back, with a slight sense of desperation and lust.

After that night we didn't talk for just under a week. Then I got a text from JJ asking if I would come round to his house to chat. I agreed, got ready and was outside his front door within thirty minutes of when he sent the message. We sat down on his couch, he was the first to speak. "How are you?" He asked. "Uh, I'm ok just a little confused." I fiddled with the hem of my top. "Confused about what?" "We kissed. You remember don't you?" I started with slight annoyance in my voice. He nodded. "Well you've been acting like it never even happened." He sighed "I'm just, you're- you're Simon's sister. We always agreed to 'never date the sister' but," he took a deep breath "I've liked you for a while now y/n, and I'm not sure if you feel the same way but-" I broke his sentence by kissing him, hard. "I'll take that as a yes then."

After that day we started dating. We already knew each other really well but he still took me out on a first date, then a second and well, now I've lost count. Since we decided to keep the relationship a complete secret we've both had to twist the truth a little. For example I told Simon that I had a boyfriend and JJ told him he had a girlfriend but we just avoided showing pictures or talking about each other.

We're planning on telling everyone this weekend at a party me and JJ planned especially, at my apartment. I'm really nervous and a little worried about how Simon will react. I spent the Friday night setting up so I could focus on getting ready on the Saturday. I bought a bunch of alcohol and some non alcoholic stuff for Tobi. When the day of the party rolled around I had a long everything shower then threw my hair in a towel while I had some lunch. By 6pm, I was fully ready. The party starts at seven. JJ came around forty five minutes early so we could talk about how the hell we were going to tell everyone (but especially Simon) that we'd be secretly together for months.

"It's gonna be fine, calm down." JJ gently rubbed my thigh as we sat on my sofa. I smiled up at him then moved myself closer to him "you're so cute." I whispered, our lips just millimetres apart. He closed the gap by pulling me into him and onto his lap so that I was sitting on his legs. My hands snaked around his neck and his rested firmly on my hips.

"What the fuck." I heard from the front door. I jumped up and my eyes widened when they met Simon's shocked face. In seconds both me and JJ were stood and making our way towards Simon. "We can explain-" JJ started. "No. You- I can't fucking believe this. She's my sister man!" Simon shouted, I flinched. "Simon we've been together for a while, this isn't something we chose. It just happened." I tried to soften the blow slightly. "What do you mean a while, how long?!" "Four months." JJ answered. "Four months! And you didn't think to tell me?!" I sighed "I was worried you'd react like this." "Well what do you expect when I find out my best friend's fucking my sister?!" My eyes widened. "It's not like that man. I love her." Simon's jaw dropped. "You love her?" JJ replied with a nod. "Oh."

"Hey guys! What's up?" Ethan burst through the door. "Uh, me and y/n were just telling Simon that we're together." JJ told him. "You what! Oh my god that's great! Isn't that great Simon!" He flung an arm round Simon's shoulder. Simon's face calmed "yea. I guess it is." A smile spread across my face. "I'm really happy for you too."

[r1poutmygvtz]

longgg ramble/vent/whatever's on my mind, idk man i'm tired and should probably schedule another therapy appointment soon

also this is kinda just all over the place, idk my thoughts are kinda scattered rn for some reason

(tws: mental health talk, sh, suicide attempts, od mention, ed, body issues, weed + alcohol talk, medicine misuse, childhood abuse, pet + family death mentions, possibly more idk if i missed one lmk and i'll tag it and put it up here)

my mental health right now is so fragile i don't understand, like obviously i know i'm depressed, i've been diagnosed for nearly two years now but i should've been much earlier, maybe that's why it got so bad, i don't even remember why i was diagnosed tbh, i think it was my first time back after like a year and a half maybe two years of not being in therapy and obviously a lot of shit happened, in that time that i went without therapy i tried to kms three times, had an alcoholic phase, and got addicted to weed

it was also sometime around my birthday i believe, which would make sense on why i got diagnosed, im always super depressed around my birthday, i mean i was expelled on my 13th, my great grandma died the day after my 14th and the day after that i tried to kms and that was the most traumatizing one and it took me over 2 years to be able to take the meds that i od'd on again without freaking out, i was literally so high i can't even remember my 15th, 4 days before my 16th i graduated (horrible for me, i had a panic attack everyday leading up to it for like 2 weeks straight) and 2 days after that my cat that i had since my 12th birthday died, so there's literally nothing enjoyable about my birthday and it feels more like a curse than anything

anyways, i've been the same since i was like 8 or 9, i was depressed and dreamt/wished i would die or get seriously hurt, maybe i just wanted my dad to care about me for once or maybe i did really just want to die, im not sure, i can't really remember my childhood, my therapist says i most likely have ptsd from the abuse which would explain the memory gaps and dpdr (depersonalization & derealization for those that don't know, the derealization is confirmed by my therapist btw just not the depersonalization but that's probably only because i didn't bring that up)

i think the most fucked up part is the fact it took me 16 years to find out the abuse was also physical, i spent the entire time before that thinking it was only verbal towards me and my siblings but i guess not, also apparently all the times me and my sister went to my neighbors/aunts house was because we were hiding from my dad, i thought we just went over to watch cartoons because we didn't have them at home, idk it was just weird for me to find out 7 years after it stopped, it doesn't really bother me all that much tbh my dad was already dead to me and i've been mostly no contact with him for almost 3 years now

also speaking of me as a kid, that's when a lot of my problems started, i was 9 almost 10 for the dpdr and 8 or 9 when i started hating my body, sh came in later tho i was like 10 or 11 when that started, i actually remember being like 9 and writing down everything i ate on a piece of paper, and when i was 10 i kept a notebook full of what i weighed in the morning and night and would see the difference in it, i also vividly remember asking my mom how many calories were in something from mcdonald's and she told me i was too young to be asking that so i just kinda stopped after that which obviously ended up coming back, i mean just look at my account

anyways yea i just hate how back and forth my mental health is, one day i could be doing great and think i'm amazing and unbelievably pretty and smart and ill try to better myself by getting sober and staying clean, then the next day i'll hate myself and consider going back to taking my meds throughout the day just so i was loopy and hardly able to process anything

tbh i do miss it a lot, i started back when i was heavily addicted to weed and would take my meds when i couldn't smoke, actually i used to take melatonin a bunch throughout the day so i could just pass out if anything happened that i didn't want to deal with (literally anything at all tbf) but that started to not work as well as i wanted so i turned to my meds, i'd take my nightly dose (50mg instead of the 20mg i was supposed to take) at like noon and would be loopy until it was time to actually take it, i didn't do it much tbh, my sisters bf caught on after the third or fourth time because i had just met his family for the first time that day and their dog tried to bite my face apparently and i didn't even react (didn't even realize it happened tbh) and he asked what was up with me and i told him bc i've known him forever, anyways yea he yelled at me to knock it off and went on about how it's gonna kill me if i kept doing it, so i did it like once after that and it's been months since i've done it again

it's kinda funny tho, those meds actually could've killed me regardless, i was supposed to take them three times a day but only really did once at school and i still got a bunch of the more serious side effects because i wasn't supposed to smoke while taking them but obv i did bc i was addicted, like breathing was hard, i nearly fainted all the time, my appetite was nonexistent, my heart was starting to mess up, like i literally thought i had a heart attack one day because the side effects were that bad and my mom and sister started looking up symptoms of POTS because that's what the side effects looked like, anyways i got taken off those months ago but i still have them somewhere and i'm fighting the urge to find and take them just so i have no appetite and so i'll sleep through the day

i think that's really all idk, there's more i was gonna say but i can't really remember plus this is already super long jfc, i don't expect anyone to actually read this, i just wanted it off my chest and i don't really trust talking to many people about this kinda stuff

[bededebop]

I've been listening to the lazytown podcast (created by Mark Valenti), and man when I tell you they have interesting behind the scene stories. I'm gonna list some of the things i remembered from each interview:

WARNING ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!

Magnus Scheving:

-Magnus is aware that people prefer LazyTown season 1, but he himself prefer LazyTown season 3-4,. Because he said the background in season 1 is shit, and he always talks about it with his team on how can we fix this.

-Magnus is aware that he is a 'Pain in the ass' for the crew, but Mark Valenti objects tho.

-Magnus once ride the same car Madonna rides in back then, he was in Mexico I think. The driver had guns he said. Once he was passing a poor Neighborhood, he saw a bunch of people dressed up as the whole cast of LazyTown. He told the driver to stop there, and the driver said that the area is kinda sketchy and they never go there, but Magnus insisted. Turns out it was someone's birthday party, and they were gonna do a whole play. He said the costume was actually well made, so he goes there and told them he was sportacus. And he ends up doing the play as well.

-The Latin America dub of Sportacus has a very deep voice, he said they might have been confused on his voice because Magnus's voice is very high pitched and Squeaky? (I don't how to spell that sorry) . (Also he said 'Hi guys! ' in a high pitched voice you guys need to hear that lmaoo)

-His favorite episode is literally every episode, but if he has to pick it would be "Robby's dream Team" because Stefan was just amazing in it. (Wait I think this is true I forgot what episode it is exactly, but it has something to do with stefan being amazing in it)

Jonathan Judge Interview:

-They gave Jonathan Judge a few weeks to try produce/direct lazytown (I forgot which one). And jonathan said Magnus made him in charge when they were filming a scene where sportacus is Buggy Jumping. He said Magnus's face was very purple from hanging upside down. After that, they loved him and would not let him leave.

-Stefan and his wife was very sweet and would invite them to his house to hang out, watch TV, and fishing! Jonathan and Mark went fishing with stefan, right next to his salmon farm. They fished cods, and Jonathan asked what Stefan's father does for a living and he said "Oh he's a whale killer".

-And on the final shooting, Magnus picked Jonathan up with his car and drive him around town. Magnus pointed at a KFC and said "I built that" (Because he was a carpenter).

-Magnus said the people of icelandic belives in elf, Jonathan once asked a crew member if he believes in elf or not. The crew member said yes, he doesnt touch a certain part of his house because that's where the 'invisible people' lives (he meant elfs)

-Jonathan asked, "well are you an elf? ". Magnus was silent for a strange amount of time, Jonathan said it was like this one scene in twilight where this one guy reveal to bella he was a vampire (idk which scene that is lmao). And he was like 'is he gonna suddenly reveal that he's an elf?? '

Mark (Another Writer from LazyTown, also i forgot his last name im sorry)

-He said Magnus was very respectfull when it comes to writing. Unnamed crew once read his writing and told him it was crap, but Magnus never does that and only told him his vision of a certain things and that's it, he never really gave Mark a note.

-There was a director from Canada that Magnus have invited to dinner. She said the writing of LazyTown is very crappy and is ln the wrong track. And when she was rambling about how lazytown writing was crappy, Magnus just stayed quiet. But the he said something to catch her off guard, something about that at the end of the day LazyTown was his show that HE created and write, shoot on a studio that HE and his team build.

-Magnus likes to take his writing team on trips

-The crew member likes to have this activities together, they hike together and exercise together. But not all of them (including Mark Valenti) participates tho.

Ok so this part I wasnt from the lazytown podcast, it was from Chris Crow's interview from GetLazy.

So he interviewed David (The Voice Actor of Mayor Meanswell) and he was there when they shot the Lazy Dance episode. And there was this one scene where they're on the dance floor, and sportacus just lean on the wall like a sadsack (bc he doesnt know how to dance). And Stephanie was right beside him and she was very excited for the dance party, she was like 'oh! Oh! Sportacus hold my purse'. So sportacus did, and now he's sitting there with Stephanie's purse on his lap. David said it was funny because he looked like a husband waiting for his wife to finish her shopping. But David said Magnus didn't like that scene, and said this is not how he wants this character (Sportacus) to go. So Mark Valenti and the other writers set up some rule. Rule number one is to never show sportacus being weak.

Also one last thing, from the laytown podcast in stefan karl's interview

They won the BAFTA award because of the episode "Robbies Greatest Misses". And they we're quite suprised with the rising popularity of Robbie Rotten, and Stefan said they tried to 'die down' Robbie's popularity a little (Because you know, he's a villain you're support to make an example out of).

Also, Robbie Rottens make up quite literally ruins stefan's skin. And he have a specific step of skin care routine, so that his skin doesnt get ruined. But there were times where his body disagreed with him, the chin of Robbie won't stick to Stefan.

Man I am so going to draw a comic about that one scene in Lazy Dance episode

[lastoneout]

Hey uh @ people with ME/CFS I got a question...

Everything I've read and heard about kinda seems to go hard on the idea that over-exerting yourself tends to lead to exhaustion that just never gets better at all no matter how long you rest after, and like I always assumed I didn't have it, because yeah overexerting myself tends to make me way more exhausted than is does other people and the exhaustion lasts like, a week or more sometimes, but it does eventually get better.

Like last weekend I went shopping for my birthday and also to an art gallery, and then I did a few small errands, and I conserved my energy as best I could, resting often, using mobility aids, ect, but I had to spend Mon-Fri in bed doing basically nothing aside from watching youtube, listening to music, and playing tetris because that was all I had the physical and mental energy to do. And granted that was dragged out a little because I had to go to the ER on Wednesday due to a migraine that got triggered by all this(bcs overexerting myself almost always triggers a migraine) and on Tuesday I sat in the car while we took my cat to the vet for a quick nail trim, but aside from that I just rested and even though I am feeling a bit better today I'm still just SO fucking tired and I know I'm going to have to take it easy for a few days more just to be sure I'm okay.

Which like, idk doesn't sound normal, that's for fucking sure, but I do know that with enough rest eventually I will return to my normal, which isn't everyone else's normal but is still normal enough that I can make myself easy meals and sit at my desk and talk to people and make phone calls and run errands without it killing me too badly.

But like idk my doctors seem convinced that I don't have any kind of autoimmune condition(although they haven't actually ran any tests they just keep insisting I'm not showing the signs of one and to keep up with physical therapy even when I tell them that just going clothes shopping for a few hours puts me on bedrest for the next 2-3 days) but idk again this does NOT seem normal. I legit feel SICK sometimes when I push myself too hard, like I think I'm coming down with a cold or something but it never actually turns into one, I just have that "eugh" sick feeling for a day or two and then it goes away once I've rested enough(also for clarification I never get any real cold/illness symptoms like a temperature and I mask literally everywhere and this ONLY happens after exertion so I don't think I'm actually getting sick). I also don't usually feel rested when I sleep but I always chalked that up to the insomnia more than anything?? But it does happen even when I have a good night's sleep with no tossing and turning or nightmares...

Anyway if anyone who does have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome could maybe explain to me what it's like for them I would appreciate it because idk what else could possibly be going on with me but I am so fucking tired of my doctors acting like there is nothing wrong. It might not be ME/CFS, and I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia so maybe this is all just that? So I also wouldn't mind if someone who has fibro can tell me if this is all just fibro stuff. But idk I just want to know for sure, you know? (If it helps in addition to the fibro I also have arthritis, hEDS, orthostatic Intollerance, and occipital neuralgia.)

[austinslounge]

I've been wrong about everything else, so I probably am wrong about my theory but here we go:

So I believe Austin broke up with her in late August. Right after the Canada trip. I think he was trying to make it through the summer and my guess was he didn't want to ruin a trip that was already planned.

But him missing her birthday wasn't that weird. For me it was all her family and friends rallying around her that seemed kinda sus. Like they were trying to make her feel better. Not to say her family wouldn't be there for her birthday but something seemed off. Like she was upset. She could've easily spent her birthday in NY with Austin if that's what she wanted. He wasn't filming yet and it's not like she isn't rich. But that ties into my suspicions that he broke up with her. So it wasn't an option.

Something was off with her at TIFF. I don't know if it was nerves or she was on something. But her need to hang onto Corey was weird. Deumoxi was at the afterparty and said Kaia was being protected that night. Like she was upset and her friends were rallying around her. Again, something that often happens when a break up occurs.

Then out of the blue comes these two L&S articles. Speculating about them having problems and Austin essentially wanting to end things. He's outgrown the relationship. Very similar to the article his team had put out there in May about them not having anything in common.

They hadn't been seen together in over a month. Kaia was in NY a few times but wasn't with Austin at any point. She was with Marcello. She was all over him. Two different occasions, she was with Marcello. She was acting like a single woman.

Then more articles come out speculating their relationship status. I'm sorry where there is smoke there is fire.

Austin had been busy working. Minding his business. Then he was needed for a pap walk to keep the break up rumors at bay. I think he'd be fine with the news coming out. but at the same time he's filming, so he doesn't need the stress of the break up coming out. Kaia did a lot of damage to her image and how people viewed her relationship with Austin the last few weeks.

Also the fact that nothing has changed in their demeanor either. If they had shown up together after a month and break up rumors soaring, looking happy and in love maybe people would buy it. But Austin is so done. He's just doing what he has to do to break away.

Just from what I've seen in past celebrity break ups. Often they've split before speculation even begins. But will go along with whatever plan their PR teams put in place. Austin and Kaia wouldn't be the first couple to be broken up and still have to act like they are together to keep up appearances.

Just a theory. Again where there is smoke there is fire. Saturday was way too much of a coincidence.

You know what girl? This is a good theory. You're not the only one who's had this theory. It does kind of make sense.

Also, the weight loss thing is very important to note as well. I don't think it's from the stress with Presley either, because he looks fine now, and I've heard that he's even been going to rehab.

We first noticed that Kaia was losing weight around July. It's now October, and she still looks frail. It's the thinnest she's ever been since dating Austin.

Idk about others, but I lost a ton of weight when going through a major relationship heartache and heartbreak.

Not to mention, they still look miserable with each other.

These things by themselves might not say much, but when you put all of these little things together, they do seem to paint a certain picture.

The fact that their teams haven't really said anything is very interesting.

Also, like you said, most celebrities have already broken up long before the official announcement comes out.

Many times, people can even just look at a couple and tell when it's on its last legs. I agree with you, where there's smoke, there's fire.

I'm just going to eat my popcorn like the rest of you all, and will see what happens btwn now and the end of this year.

All I know is, I don't think I can take another Gerber Family Holiday Trip in Cabo at the end of this year again. 😩

[oh-saints]

Hello!! Love how you write angst, could you maybe write a one shot for either mason mount or martin ødegaard, where you have been dating for a couple of years and suddenly he starts being nervous around reader and she thinks that he is going to ask her to move in but he breaks up with her because he starts thinking that she should be with someone that can give her all their time and not being in the spotlight and then idk ajajajaj

Maybe they call them when they are drunk or they get hurt in a match and they call her or something where they hace to face each other or something

Omg this is long ajajajajaj hope you like my idea and it inspires you to write something, I know anything we got from you will be nice :)

hi nonny!! sorry it's only now i can write this request of yours. i hope i'm not too late? ;-)

but since i'm writing an angst-y series for mason, here may i present you something for our favourite young captain that i've been working on the past week...

ghost

it’s true what people say when they tell you to wrap up your unfinished business first. you’re just too blind to see the big, fat ass flag that’s waving as red as your boyfriend’s kit.

martin ødegaard x you tw: insecurity + cheating wc: 3.3k note: this is just a fiction ok i'm just in the mood to make devil out of everyone lolol this actually hits a bit too close to home but I need to let it out, so here we are. I don’t support cheating whatsoever btw, so remember to break it up good first things first 😉but as usual, I happen to write at dawn so it’s not beta-read yet. songs: almost is never enough - nathan sykes, ariana grande & midnight rain - taylor swift

“are you engaged or something that I don’t know of?”

it wasn’t often your best friend paid you a call, considering her florist business was thriving and all and they were now rather short-staffed. so when her name flashed over the screen of your phone, you didn’t think twice to excuse yourself out of your office to pick up her call.

but you didn’t think she’d fire you that question. sure, you’d been dating your boyfriend since the early days of his arrival to the north side of london and things had been going stable between you two. sure, you’d talked about the more serious part of your relationship, such as what if you both get married and all. but that was it—none of you discussed more than that, what ifs.

you wouldn’t turn down the opportunity if given, though.

“uh, no? why are you asking?”

“shit,” your friend muttered under her breath. “promise me, first. don’t tell him it comes from me, okay?”

the more your friend gave you disclaimer like that, the more your heart’s palpitation grew rapid. “as if I’d throw my best friend under the bus.”

she laughed at your lame attempt to hide your nervousness. your voice tended to reach an octave higher when you did so. “martin ordered so many peonies for the weekend.”

peony is your favourite flower, you’d told martin that a long while ago—to which martin utilised the information for every of your anniversary bouquet, along with every time your birthday came up. but he never orders for peony on ordinary days because he thinks it defeats the purpose of presenting you everything special on particular days.

and this weekend was the last game of the season, a mark to officially begin your summer break, which is always the time you both look forward to because in between martin’s constant flying schedules and your 9-5 hectic schedule, it’s always nice to have one or two week(s) secluding yourself from the entire world, spending day and night only with your boyfriend.

you had to take a deep breath to slow down your pounding heart. can it be?

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

see you on the weekend, baby.

martin wasn’t supposed to be smiling this wide. he wasn’t even supposed to smile at all. because despite the sweet moniker, the sender wasn’t his own girlfriend of a little more than two years. worse, the sender had even been deprived of every right to call him by endearments since that painful moment she broke up with him, right when he informed her that there was a better opportunity for him in london.

logically, he was supposed to hate her with all his might—how could he stand someone who didn’t support his growth and development as a young football player? how could he stand someone who only crawled back to him when he was now an up-and-coming name in the football world?

logically, he was supposed to come back home straight from the training ground instead of ordering a bunch of flowers for the next time he met her. why did he feel obliged to bring her a handful of flowers? where did this feeling come from?

martin wasn’t one to understand flowers, anyway. he only bought flowers for special occasions, and that was also because he’d gotten the information yourself about your favourite flower. so why was he purchasing something he didn’t possess the knowledge of, to begin with?

but logic seemed to have escaped the most level-headed person under mikel arteta’s team since the ghost of his past decided to appear before him last week.

“martin, you should know that I’m very sorry for what I’ve done,” she started explaining, and the moment she reached for martin’s hands over the table was the moment his resolve crumbled apart. “I wasn’t thinking straight and I was too foolish to want you all for myself. but I’ve grown up, for you, so that I can be someone you need by your side.”

martin should naturally ask for an evidence, or anything to convince him that she had indeed become better for him, had turned into someone she believed he needed. martin should ask what she had become—could she be like you, the one who put shattered pieces of him together and glued him back to his old self?

martin should prove it himself if this very lady in front of him, who’d inflicted more pain than logically accepted, was a better fit to be his other half than you. hell, martin should’ve even proved it himself that she was no better than you, period. so why did his hand now get tangled with hers, reciprocating the light squeeze she gave him over the table?

why did he think she deserve at least a chance to explain herself?

ironic, really, when his gaffer picked martin to be the captain of his team himself solely for martin’s extraordinary football iq.

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

landed! can’t wait to see you! xx where are you?

“martin, baby,” martin jumped in his place, his phone almost fell off his hands, as the sultry voice he loved—and he discovered that he still loves it all the same—tried to lure him back to bed. “what are you doing? come back here,”

the pristine white sheet of the hotel slid down her chest as she sat up, beautiful in between the mess he made of her—her now-tangled hair, purple spots down her neck and chest, red marks down her arms and thighs—and martin’s heart broke into two. one at the revelation at how much he’d missed this sight of her, the other at the fact he needed to leave this behind because he still had you to come back to.

you, who’d been waiting for him at the airport for two hours now, because he forgot about picking you up from your business trip. something he never did during the time you both spent together.

you, who would be waiting for him in his house later, ready to spill everything you went through during your business trip, because you know martin was a good listener and never a judgemental one. because you know martin would always have your back.

you, who had loved him before his name, who have loved him through the calm and the storm of a football season, who always love him no matter wins or loses, and who promises to always love him through thins and thicks.

something came up at the training ground. I’m sorry I can’t pick you up myself.

martin’s heart plopped down the plush carpet as he pressed send, for reasons he didn’t want to acknowledge right now. not when a pair of arms managed to snake its way to his waist, eliminating the distance between martin and her in no time and they were now skin to skin, and good lord, was it not satisfying to have no barrier between them.

martin’s heart plopped down to the deepest part of hell, perhaps, when he felt his phone vibrated in his hand—the one that wasn’t busy moulding his body to fit the vixen in his arms—and saw the immediate response you replied him with.

alright, good luck with that. see you at home! xx

you, whose love martin had betrayed. consciously so.

“do you still love her?” was the question the woman martin believed as siren incarnated, fired off as soon as she saw him dressing up, ready to leave her behind in this luxury confinement they called five-star hotel.

brave, martin got to give her that. it was the very question martin kept asking himself as he laid awake last night, facing the ceiling while listening to the sound of her gentle breathing, tickling against the skin just an inch from his pecks. her flimsy finger was ghosting yet so palpable, just like your existence—resting there waiting to be acknowledged, like the elephant in the room.

funny how it was his favourite position of yours since the first night you slept together, for it reminded him of her touch, the very touch he’d lost because she was a selfish human being.

yet, martin was currently the one selfish beyond possible combination of words.

but somehow, martin was even braver for responding her when he himself wasn’t sure he could answer his own question.

“I’d be lying if I say I don’t, søta,” he donned his jacket before he leaned down, claiming her lips once more—for what, he didn’t know. to satisfy himself? to soothe the impending thirst that’d been building up unknowingly since she left him? to boost his confidence and justify himself that he was about to do the right thing? “and probably a part of me always will.”

the woman frowned in the way martin was supposed to hate her—she was the reason he’d grown to hate frowny, clingy women—but instead, he shot down a well-placed kiss that she reciprocated in the same fervour, obvious to tell him that she didn’t like sharing. her hands pulled him down further the bed, trying to lull him back to her arms, just like siren personified, and martin laughed in between their heated exchange.

“I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“what if you never come back?” the woman refused to let go of him, hugging him tightly like a koala to his tree. “what if you suddenly realise you love her more?”

“it’s clear to see I don’t love her that much anymore, no?” martin swept the brown locks that reminded him of milky chocolate fondue. sweet, silky, smelt as nice as it looked, as he plucked off one of the peony petals he’d showered her with. “not enough to make me stay with her, anyway.”

martin even surprised himself by saying such words. he didn’t know he was capable of that, he didn’t know how he could have it in him. but if he thought that was surprising, he certainly wouldn’t hold a candle against himself for the things he did—or maybe, had done—to you.

you, whose entire world martin shattered. consciously so, since the moment you parted yourself from the embrace you enveloped him with but whose warmth wasn’t returned.

“what’s wrong?”

he knew it wasn’t easy. it was never easy to be with you since the very beginning anyway—you gathering his broken pieces, you swiping off all of his insecurities and assuring him that you’d wait for him till he wiped off all traces of her, you hiding off your identity so you wouldn’t drag him down in any way possible—but martin didn’t expect them to be very difficult, disclosing all his sins and admitting his faults.

admitting she wasn’t the only one in his heart.

worse, admitting she was never the only one since the start.

“was the emergency that bad at work?”

martin wanted to scream at her, telling her off that she wasn’t supposed to think the better of him, not after everything he’d done to her and their relationship. martin wanted to scream at her, telling her to be the bad guy for once for putting herself first. martin wanted to scream at her, telling her to live happily without him because she didn’t deserve him.

“don’t look at me like that, martin,” your eyes were as clear as always, and martin’s heart broke once more for you and every of the emotions displayed in your eyes. you were scared of him, of how cold he was being around you, and martin’s heart broke because you had been nothing but warm to him. “what’s wrong?”

you didn’t look any different to him at that moment, still lovable and looked very much like his, in every sense of the word. yet he was no longer yours, in every sense of the word. that was what went wrong.

“nothing,” martin acted the way the word implied. martin acted like nothing was wrong, as he kissed the top of your head and slid his hand into yours. “how was your trip?”

“I just wish you were there,” other days, your words would warm him up—the way your presence always succeeded to—but today, as you didn’t grasp back his hand, you meant every single word that escaped your mouth. “too bad, you know?”

too bad, indeed, my love. what if you stayed? what if she wasn’t here? martin thought inwardly as he poured the risotto he was making.

too bad, indeed, my love. because you’re gone already the moment you come home. you thought inwardly as you received the only dish he’d serve you by far because cooking had always been your thing.

too bad, indeed, as the risotto started turning as cold as the long withstanding iceberg in the form of white marble countertop separating you two. too bad, indeed, as the risotto was beyond salvageable even if you tried resurrecting it with every kind of heat earth could produce.

but neither of you moved, so different to the silent dance you both had been doing around the room. yet everything around you two was as loud as obnoxious bunch of drunkards watching the netflix show playing in your living room.

“you know I love you, right?”

the deep breath he let out indicated everything but, and you had never felt so alone in a room full of him. you were left alone, behind a four-wall full of him—his scent, his words, his voice—with nothing but abundance of confusion in your hands. it was, more often than not, your job to declare you love to him, instead of the other way around like this, so what changed?

“I love you,” yet martin couldn’t look straight into your eyes. “but I’m sorry.”

the confusion in your eyes were still evident and martin’s heart broke for you once more because he knew you didn’t deserve any of this. of him, of what he did, of how he’d been treating you. a small doubt crept in for a millisecond—what if he could fix this?—but he buried them down once more because you deserved this from him, an ending as respectable as you are.

“I love you too.”

no, no, you don’t get to say that. you’re not supposed to say that. you were supposed to throw him a thousand questions why he said sorry to you, contradicting his rather fake declaration of love for you.

“I forgive you.”

martin’s head had never snapped that fast, this time it was him that couldn’t hide his bewilderment. of all scenarios he had in his head, what you just did was never in his card. “you don’t know what I did.”

“I don’t care,” you squared your shoulders, and martin knew you meant your words then. you were so full of love and compassion, and it was why martin decided to forget her to be with you, but now martin wanted to run away for how hard life had come to bite his ass. “I love you. I forgive you.”

“I slept with another person,” and he noticed the slight tremble on those strong shoulders that overcame you. there, he needed that. he needed you to know, to feel, to see reality. “I cheated on you. I want to say that I’m sorry every time and every chance I can but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

you had gone through the worst obstacles there was on this earth—tower of terror, skydiving at palm jumeirah, being struck by lightning. you had gone through even worse obstacles—you’d seen your parents divorced before your eyes, you’d seen your friend took his life in front of you. yet nothing was as painful as the joke martin just threw in your face. you could even brave yourself for a guillotine if given the chance.

anything but the lemon your boyfriend just handed over your open wound. clean-cut and straight to the point.

“you said you love me.”

“I do,” martin replied immediately, as if he was sure of it. as if he was sure that loving you was the right thing to do when he’d just committed the wrong thing to do. “that’s why I’m sorry I did what I did.”

“with who?”

“you don’t want to know who.”

but with martin’s answer, it didn’t take you another second to figure out the woman in question. and you regretted asking immediately because you knew it’d be better if you didn’t know. you could even truly forgive him for what he did, as long as it wasn’t her. knowing who the partypooper was always a better option, because not being able to place a face to a name was always better.

but now you knew about it, and you didn’t have time to save your fragile heart from a heavy rain of sharp knives, endlessly stabbing your open wound to enlarge it even more, giving space for another knife to launch itself to a bleeding heart. you didn’t have time to hide your pain, as tears slowly escaped your eyes.

“why?” you gathered every of your remaining energy to sound brave as you faced your losing battle. “what did I do wrong?”

you needed to know because you’d been doing only the right thing. nothing less than perfect for your boyfriend.

martin wanted to know too because you’d been nothing short of what he needed.

“I’m sorry,” you stopped yourself when martin didn’t give you a response, then you gathered yourself again as you reciprocated his strong gaze. as best as you could anyway. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t enough—”

“no, no—”

“tell me what I can do to fix this, martin,” you pursed your lips, holding back the tears left unshed. “we can still fix this. just… please don’t leave me.”

“please don’t do this…” martin sighed because while he knew you’d always fight for what you believe in, he didn’t know it would bring him a big boomerang instead. “I’ve hurt you. staying with me will hurt you more and that’s the last thing I want for you.”

but that was the last straw for you, the look on his face. he spared you a look of sympathy, an emotion you rather detested because you weren’t a charity case. so you cried, this time not because of the lost cause in your relationship. you cried for yourself, because while you were displaying your desperate frustrations to amend the broken bridges, you addressed such wave of emotion to the wrong person.

“what did I do wrong?”

“it’s not you,” martin wanted to hug you—he still hated seeing you cry—but he knew it wasn’t his place anymore to comfort you. he’d deprived himself of the exclusive right in lieu of another set of different luxurious rights. “it’s never your fault.”

but martin never said it was his, either.

[fallingforel]

Hi!! I was wondering if you could do numbers 5, 23, 62, 63, and 69 from your prompt list with like the reader being part of one direction and Harry dating her, and she falls for brad from the vamps. Like could it be angst between Harry and the reader where they’re together but then he cheats on her with someone (idk any celebrity or something like he dated Taylor at one point I think) and she goes to Brad and they’re friends but he’s been in love with her since forever and he comforts her and they get together. Also just make Harry completely regret everything if you can (I live for the cheating with no second chance trope, it’s amazing ❤️) thank you so much!! Have a great day!

A/N hi my lovely here it is for you, hope you enjoy and I hope you like it. dont forget those that want to request one the prompt list is here

1,548 words

PROMPTS 5, 23, 62, 63 AND 69: "you made your choice" "they didn't deserve you" "you think that this is easy for me" "I hate seeing you like this" "I don't like you...I love you"

⋆｡°✩

It was a well known fact that I was the 6th member and only girl in one direction, I was also dating harry from my band, on the outside things looked squeaky clean and it looked like we had a perfect relationship but we didn't we fought all the time, Harry was always jealous because I was best mates with Brad from the vamps, Brad and I have been lifelong friends as we both resided from the same part of Birmingham and we also went to school together. It wasn't my fault that I've always gotten along better with boys than I have with girls they were just easier to talk to and the fact that they weren't snakes behind my back.

So you could imagine Harry's reaction when I told him brad was coming tonight, even if he tried to hide it in the best way possible. I still noticed. It was hard not to, however we hadn't had a fight in three weeks and I wasn't about to start one now, I had just finally hoped that we were in an all right place.

"Brads coming tonight. He's in town got a show tomorrow, thought he'd pop by then celebrate with us as the end of this leg is today, was thinking we could go to his show tomorrow"

"mmh, yeah, be nice I 'spose"

"Yeah it would, come on we've got to get ready, we've got a show to perform"

⋆｡°✩

And the show went spectacularly well, I was at my happiest when I was on the stage with my band, with my fans screaming my name it was the most supportive feeling in the world, and I loved every second of it.

Now we were back in our dressing rooms ready to go out, It wasn't often we went out while on tour we'd only ever do it for special things like birthdays, end of legs or if someone new joined our team halfway through. Tonight though, we were celebrating the end of the leg of the tour we were currently on, zayn left a couple of months ago. And with Harry and I on rocky ground we all secretly knew that the band was coming to an end, we were all scared to admit it though, too afraid to say it out loud because then it would all become real.

I'm broken out of my thoughts by a knock on the door, which makes me wipe away the tears I didn't even realise were there, before I'm saying "COME IN" and I'm met with Harry peeping round the door

"Hey, hey. why are you crying my love? What's the matter?" "The bands breaking up isn't it?" "no? what makes you think that sweetheart?" "I mean, with Zayn leaving, you and I on rocky terms, we're all not the same people we were 5 years ago Harry, the bands dynamic doesn't fit anymore"

"Yes okay, zayn may have left, You and I may be on bad terms some of the time and yes maybe we have all changed, but nobody stays the same, it's pretty hard to do that darling, otherwise you wouldn't grow up. The dynamic still works all the same though. So for now, dry your tears, get a fit dress on and lets take our minds off this band breaking up nonsense"

And I do as he tells me joining them shortly in the addison lee taking us into the main part of london, so we could go to a night club. I was sat inbetween Harry and Brad and could feel the tension rising, more so from Harry than brad, Harry was being weirdly possesive with me and it didnt feel in a good way, like it usually does.

Soon arriving at the nightclub we all head inside and Louis takes Harry to the bar to get some drinks for all of us, even he could sense the tension meaning it was bad.

⋆｡°✩

"you did great tonight, y/n/n. Smashed it, if only you could've heard the chanting for your name. It was unreal honestly." Brad says from beside me perking me out of my daydream of nothing in particular.

"awwh, Braddy. You're sweet you" I say placing a kiss on his cheek as a thank you. I've always called Brad, braddy ever since we were in nappies because I was never able to pronounce my L's I soon learned, the name stuck around though.

⋆｡°✩

Having not seen Harry since he went to the bar, and hasn't come back since, It's been well over half an hour now, so I was getting pretty worried. So I decided to ask around if anybody has seen him.

"LOU! You haven't seen Harry have you? Haven't seen him since we got here." "No I haven't. Last I saw him was at the bar, said he was going back to you, that was about fifteen minutes ago" "thanks lou."

⋆｡°✩

10 minutes later Niall comes up to me interuptting the conversation I was having with Brad I had given up trying to find him he clearly didn't want to be found, "I heard you were looking for Harry, I found him, but you're not going to like it" "what Niall, where is he" "mens bathroom, that way" he says turning to point me in the direction of where the mens bathroom is.

Walking into the mens bathroom, I found a sight I didn't want to see, Harry going down on a girl, the girl that wasn't me. "OH WOW!" I shout earning both his and the girls attention. "y/n/n, baby-" "don't you baby me Harry, it is so clear what you think about me." "who the fuck are you?" the girl quips back at me. "his girlfriend honey, actually no his ex-girlfriend. Keep him he's yours he was a slag anyway" "oh thats rich coming from you y/n, I saw you getting close with Brad, a little kiss on the cheek" "we've always been that way and you fucking know it" "oh but it's so easy for you breaking up with me though isn't it, now you can run away with the btec version of me cause it's clear you have a type don't you" "YOU THINK THAT THIS IS EASY FOR ME? YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU? WELL I DON'T HARRY OKAY?, BUT ITS CLEAR WHAT YOU'VE CHOSEN, goodbye Harry, I'll see you soon for the american leg." is the last thing I say before I walk out of the men's bathroom and back to where Brad was sat.

"Y/n? are you okay?" is all he says before I break down crying and he wraps an arm around me. And an executive decision is made between the two of us that he's going to take me back to his for the night.

⋆｡°✩

In the taxi on the way back, I'm still crying and he still has an arm around me. "

what even happened? why are you crying?"

"Harry cheated on me" is all I can muster out before I'm a blubbering mess again

"I hate seeing you like this Y/n all I know right now is that he didn't deserve you, he never has but I've always been supportive of your relationship always been the shoulder to cry on because I'm your best friend and always will be here, and you know that"

And soon enough I'm on Brads sofa, with Brad laying down giving me a hug.

"you want to say something dont you?" I speak up breaking the silence between me and him. "yeah I do, and I don't care if it's the incorrect time, or what but I have to say it now, otherwise I never will, I dont like you y/n I love you, and I have for the longest time, and if you need time to heal I'm okay with that I can wait a little while longer for you darling" he says shocking me to my core, I will admit I always loved Brad, and I don't think I ever stopped not liking him I just think Harry was a distraction while I was away from him.

"oh brad, I love you too" Is the last thing I say before I'm pulled into a kiss from him and we make our way upstairs to his bed where we both reside for the night wrapped up in eachother and if we were to get stuck into each other as well, then that's nobody's business but our own

⋆｡°✩

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

we're both awoken to a pounding on Brads door, so we both rush down and he answers it, revealing a disheveled Harry who looks like he hadn't slept. He tries to enter but brad pushes him back with the door "she doesn't want to speak to you Harry, You really fucked it this time" "please just hear me out y/n. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cheat, I love you so so so so much"

"You made your choice Harry, please just go. I don't want you here, just please leave, be better on yourself" which I was met back with silence and then the turn of footsteps up brads gravel drive was all that could be heard.

⋆｡°✩

end.

[gemmahale]

I'm gonna vent about clothes and shit. Tw for: body dysmorphia, frank discussion of weight gain, general brain bullshit and internalized fatphobia-ish? Idk, I pre-tagged this and kind of went off the rails at the end.

Take care of yourself and skip this one if you need to, okay? I love you. 💚

I need to pick up some new clothes. I'm down to one pair of jeans and really can't wear skirts because it's still too windy (and I have no shorts to wear underneath for the chub rub). And I'm not ready to break out my above-knee skorts yet.

I just...I'm struggling. Last time I ordered clothes, they were too big (I went off the measurements and I think I sized up out of dysmorphia). And because I was deep in depression central last time, it took me weeks to try on the clothes. Which meant that they were outside of their return policies.

I feel frumpy when I go to work. I hate it. I want to be excited about putting clothes on again. I've been wearing essentially this "uniform" for four years now.

I got looking at my license (I'm due for a renewal and soon because my birthday's coming up) and I put on roughly 40 pounds in the last four years. Sedentary job, antidepressant weight gain, having a partner that feeds me well - all things that are net positive, but have affected my body.

Well Gemma, go walking. I need shoes. I need to buckle down and get a pair of walking shoes. But that's a whole thing because I have dancer's feet and stupid ankles and stupid arches. And starting. Starting and maintaining habits are hard. (I'm at the phase where standing for 10 minutes or so hurts my hips and low back. It's bad.)

We're running what feels like a very tight budget right now. Logically, I know it's not - I can see the numbers since I run most of the household budget. But there are things that feel like they should take priority and it feels selfish to be spending it on clothes when I have perfectly serviceable polo shirts, a sweater, pair of jeans and shoes.

I don't know. The me in the mirror is not the me I want to be and trying to claw out of this pit feels insurmountable. I love my body, that's not the part I'm struggling with (okay, some days I do, but that's ..."normal-ish" as best I can tell.)

It's the effort I have to put into looking put together. I miss taking 45 minutes to get ready in the morning, putting make up on and cute outfits and feeling good about myself. I went hypercompetent femme and it worked so well for me.

But I'm worried that a big shift is going to cause some weird blowback. I'm already down a few pegs because I present female and I'm relatively young, even though I have a doctorate in plant health and a decade of experience in the green industry. I'm worried presenting "more feminine" means people won't take me seriously. (Though we already saw that at the commissioner's meeting, so maybe it doesn't really matter.)

I've always been "low maintenance" - roll out of bed, speed shower and throw on clothes. But I want to put effort into my appearance again, for my own benefit more than anything. I feel nice when I'm showered and my hair is styled and it feels like I give a shit.

Tl;dr: Gemma needs to stop being a pansy and wallowing in her feelings, buy some clothes and walking shoes and get some dopamine dressing happening.

And maybe eventually I'll get the clothes I need to donate out of the bedroom too.

[ladysomething]

oh hun, and anon whose birthday was Idk when (hbd by the way! and don't worry, you're still young, love) if you guys feel old, how am I supposed to feel (early 90s baby here) 😖

the only reason I have not gone insane this week over the lack of wygig, has been weariness. first time I'm actually thankful for my shitty working hours.

and you know who IS going insane?? my brother! who actually has normal working hours! good for you maddie, having a random man drooling across the world, crawling up walls waiting for your moment to come back. (talking as if I was not the same) and nahh, the fisting is nothing. they've seen me read this stuff for yeaaaars. well not exactly but you get what I mean

honestly I shall praise. I have nothing else to do right now, and as I can't over analyze this week's chapter, I must yap about why I love your way of writing. and over analyze the snippet.

1. your way of writing is one of my favorites in ao3. you have this talent to get in people's heads and make them NEED to see more. crack. cocaine. I guess my mom would be much more happy that her children are addicted to this rather than irl drugs. mad(s) respect for that.

2. you're kinda a mastermind as well. everything is so well thinked and planned. kudos to saiyanwitcher as well for helping you out with this one. beautiful.

3. your characterization kills it. look, I've NEVER met this people, let alone think they would actually be in this situation. but. if they had to go through something like it. this is the way I think they would be like. I can bet on it. swear even. it just. fits. lovely.

4. I love that you make these long chapters that feel like nothing. you just inhale them. every time I read you I'm always looking at the little bar in the screen that tells how far along we are. I just don't want it to end. but even if you leave a cliffhanger, the chapters always feel complete. like it was meant to finish there. no more no less no further ahead. perfect.

5. I love how you engage with us. feed us crumbs and see how the world sets in fire, sometimes going insane with us too. is just refreshing. I like to imagine you in your couch, throwing us a bone and laughing at how we go nuts about it.

+1. I love the Max crush that you created in me. thank you very much for that. lives were changed. eyes were opened.

+2. my brother and I were going crazy over jealous Charlie. I quote him "oh lui è innamorato. che bello. y no se da cuenta! sei molto stupido Charle" (that's 'oh he is in love. and he doesn't even realize! you are very stupid Charle' for you) Imagine that with angry hand movements and frustrated pacing through a kitchen with a pan on his hand. proper italian, my brother. lost some points throwing some spanish in there but I would still give him like a 8.3/10 for the performance. go and sink us even more in the stereotype/jk

+3. I was today years old when I found out saiyan was the way english speakers write saiyajin. I even had to google and triple check it because I wasn't sure whether it was actually like that or my dislexic brain was just messing with me.

all to say. I love everything you write. give me that fire changed my brain chemistry first. I also found out way too much later than I would've wanted that it was your fic as well. not today but still not so long ago. lovely beautiful thing it was too.

birthday anon started it!!!

also what can I say ... thats my sheer power .. random men drooling across the world ... 💅 but also, them knowing that you read that stuff and reading it with you is very different I fear.

thank you 😭😭 that's very kind, and I'm so happy that that's the effect it has. it's exactly the effect I want!

@saiyanwitcher is the real mastermind tbh. I just write it!

personally I think characterisation is one of my strongest points as a writer, so I'm glad that it hits for you like it does for me!

ahhh I'm so glad they go fast! sometimes I write a chapter and I'm like ... this is 10k of absolutely nothing .. how boring.

I do absolutely laugh, I'm sorry. I laugh a lot.

+1. I'm so glad I've encouraged you to see the light. my Max crush rages fiercely every single day.

+2. YOU'RE ITALIAN?! please remind your brother that my DMs are open if he and his gf break up.

+3. I'll be so for real. I have no idea what you're talking about.

omgggg I'm so glad you loved GMTF too. my fave fic of mine tbh.

thanks for dropping in as always!!

[onsunnyside]

Sonny idk if you’ve played the game The Last of Us but it’s my love again due to the show. But it’s got me thinking about a zombie apocalypse au with Curtis

~🥺

I haven't played it but I've watched a bunch of let's plays !! if I could rewatch a video game series all over again for the first time, it would be that one, or Detroit: become human 🥰 I also want to watch the show bc Pedro Pascal keeps popping up in my life and I think it's a sign to expand my love for a new dilf 🌚

AHHH ZOMBIE AU WITH CURTIS ?? this is what I'm thinking:

You're working on the gardens in your camp when people race towards the front gates, whispering about an intruder. Curiosity gets the better of you and you follow, just catching a glimpse of a man being led to the interrogation quarters. There's dirt and dried blood on his bearded cheeks, he's wearing a torn beanie and clothes that have seen better days. You barely notice the axe in his backpack before he disappears around the corner. And just like that, everyone is dispersed back to their jobs. 

"Who was he?" You ask, jogging to Sam's side. 

"Don't know, looks like he's been through shit from that scar on his face." He replies, the more cautious type when it came to new people, it took him weeks to warm up to you. "Let's hope he isn't bad news." 

It turns out he isn’t bad news after all, Curtis is a close friend of Carol’s (your leader) from the beginning of the apocalypse and by some miracle, ended up in your area. You heard through the grapevine that he’s been alone for a while, lived off the land, scavenged and travelled all over the country. 

total lumberjack/hunter vibes if you get what I mean. his few flannels and worn t-shirts... scruffy beard and deep voice... mhm yes

sweet, sweet you can’t help but want to know more about him but you aren’t the only one 😳 You watch him brush off attempts at conversations in the cafeteria, hanging his head low and slowly eating his food. 

“Stop staring at him.” 

“I wasn’t.” You nudge Wanda back, ducking down as he stands up and takes his plate to the kitchen. Your eyes follow his broad back, the defined muscles shifting under his thin white henley, and the fabric of his cargo pants clinging to his thighs. 

let's be honest, you’ve been alone for a long time, there was no shame in looking. fantasizes and foggy memories can only last so long !!  

Curtis being Curtis plays up the stoic, big bad mean man !! Shrugging off any attempts of friendship from the other campers, keeping to himself and his duties and only actually speaking to Carol or Steve, her second in command. 

you know it can end in tears or a bruised ego, but you want to try too !! What's the worst that could happen that hasn't already happened? 

Life right now was as terrible as it could get, so you take a chance: bringing him a fresh little basket of berries and some spare sheets you had lying around. To your dismay, he barely mutters a 'thanks' 🥺before continuing to mess with an engine, sleeves rolled up and that worn beanie on his head. 

You know when to take a hint and gather the last bit of dignity, “uh, there’s a group birthday party tonight if you want to come. Everyone is going… uhm, no gifts necessary.” When he doesn’t respond, you hide away from the other men’s stares, knowing well enough that Sam’s was one of sympathy. “I-It’s a lot of fun, they play music, the kitchen makes a few cakes, and Carol let’s us stay up as long as we want.” 

“As long as you’re all up on time the next day, I don’t care.” She said during one community meeting, “we deserve to have fun, even when life is so shitty.” 

Again silence, not even a glance at you or the perfectly red and purple berries on the workbench. You take your losses, wrapping them around yourself in a form of self soothing and start walking away 🥺🥺

The clang of metal and a voice freezes your feet in the dirt, “How do you even know what day it is?”

“We don’t.” You swallow your nerves, grateful for more than one syllable, “we try to go by months. The changing seasons help,” although you didn’t get much of that here, “but we guess for the most part.”

and oh my... does he go ?? how long does it take for him to warm up to you ?? DOES HE EAT THE BERRIES ?? AHH and the smut ?? THE KINKS ???? THE FILTH ??????? I HAVE MANY THOTS ABOUT THIS GRUMPY MAN

[joesalw]

So apparently Miles Teller's wife Keleigh gave Taylor that ring?? Except then why did Keleigh like that tiktok theorizing the it was from Travis? If ever asked I'm sure Keleigh would claim she liked it because the women was right about stones being opal and blue topaz but come on the main point of that tiktok was "this ring was a gift from Travis" and Keleigh liking it was taken as confirmation on that. Which she bloody well knew would happen the minute she clicked like, which I'm sure was done with Taylor's permission. And why did she then wait so long to correct everyone?

I've gotta laugh at Keleigh, no doubt under Taylor's direction, trying to act like tHe MeDiA were fixated on the ring for no reason. Taylor was flashing that thing all over her bday pics, as the tiktok demonstrates, and she was showing it off to Keleigh and Miles, even though Keleigh apparently bought it for her, while being papped. Taylor 100% wanted everyone to see the ring, talk about the ring and speculate about who gave it to her. And of course? people figured it was from Travis? A boyfriend giving his girlfriend jewelry for her birthday is a very normal and frankly expected when said boyfriend is a rich football player. Also a ring featuring both their birthstones is generally considered a pretty romantic gift? Its kind of a weird gift for a friend to give imho, which is why I'm very skeptical that ring really was from Keleigh, even if Keleigh's birthday is also in October so opal is her birthstone too (OMG....is this the birth of Keylor!?!?! 😲🤯🤣).

Anyway call me crazy but I think there is something very fishy about Keleigh all of a sudden claiming that the ring was from her. Taylor seemed perfectly happy to let people think the ring was from Travis until today. What changed?

tin foil hat time: I think Taylor and Travis have broken up. My spidey senses have been tingling ever since he was confirmed to not come to her New York birthday party after weeks of speculation about all the romantic things he was gonna do for her bday. I was wondering if he was going to pull a Gyllenhaal (stand her up on her bday and breakup with her before Christmas) and now I'm thinking that might be exactly what he's done (although he apparently at least let her know he wouldn't be at her bday). If he has broken up with her I bet Taylor feels really silly having flashed that ring around so much during her birthday hence her now getting Keleigh, who's birthstone also happens to be opal, to claim it was actually from her. If they have broken up I doubt anything will be confirmed until early in January but it'll certainly be interesting to see what happens over Christmas and New Years. Google says the Chiefs have a game on Christmas Day and New Years Eve...

I could be way off base but this whole "psych!! you thought the ring was from Travis but its actually from Keleigh!!" thing just feels very off and defensive. And if the ring isn't from Travis then what DID he get her for her bday?? Given how public they've been with everything else its odd that Taylor didn't want to show it off. Or at least have the details leaked.

Right, if the ring wasn’t from Travis then why did Keleigh like a tiktok saying otherwise? And who in the world gives their friends birthstone matching rings like that one? But at the same time our TK bestie's two braincells can never come up with such sentimental idea.

So my take is, Taylor wanted people to think the ring was from Travis, so it was originally gifted by Keleigh, but planned by Taylor. She wanted to replace the memories of the opal ring and infinity bracelet that she was given by Joe, so maybe it was actually a show off to shade him like "Yes you gave me an sentimental opal ring once, but this new tacky one gifted by my new boyfriend is much better anyway." Hence she made Keleigh like the post to spread the news. But now idk what happened that made her take back the statement...

Maybe TK bestie saw it and it bruised his ego that his gf is buying herself gifts and crediting him for it? 💀😭

Or maybe your take is right too? Let's see🍿

[solarwonux]

I think I have boy problems????

Well...would it still be considered boys problems if I am the one creating them in my head??

Anyway, buckle up for the ride if you want to know all about my boy problem/not problem.

Backstory...I've stayed away from dating for a long time for a lot of reasons. And to be honest I am very happy being single. It's fun, but until recently people have mentioned or asked if I had a boyfriend bc I just look extra happy and pretty. And I'm like nah it's just me, I am just happy. But it did get me thinking should I go back to dating??? It's something I've been toying with for like a months or so. And my friend constantly wants to set me up with someone. I don't know how I feel about apps, but for now it's a no for me. Now, that that is out of the way...here's the situation.

More backstory, a couple of weeks ago. A co worker of mine who has been dating was like "I'm going on a date with this guy I met from bumble." She had previously told me about him but then I asked to see a picture. And let me tell you the world is fucking small. The guy that she was going on a date with is friends with my friend. And I have previously only heard about him and I've seen pictures of him. So I told my Co worker this and then she told him when they went on the date that they had somebody in common. She did tell me about her date and she said that honestly he gave her more like friend vibes and that she isn't looking for anything serious but he is.

Flash forward a couple of days I meet up with my friend because we are going to Hong Kong together so we were finishing planning our trip. She tells me that she hung out with the guy during the weekend, and that he kept asking about my Co worker, but my friend doesn't know her, she's only met her once. And he tells her that they had planned to go on another date, but that something came up and they decided to move it to another day. As of right now, I'm positive they still haven't gone on that date.

Now flash forward again to Saturday night. My friend is celebrating her birthday and this is the first time that I officially meet this guy. The first thing he says to me is "hey you're _____ co worker." And I was like yeah. We start walking to the first destination of the night it's cool we are vibing. But whenever I meet someone for the first time I am always really reserved, until I feel comfortable. Then we go to dinner and one of our other friends there says "hey you guys are matching you should send a picture to (co worker name), it would be funny." Tbh I laugh it off and move on.

Then we get to the first bar, but on our way to the first bar I think he asks me how my co worker is and im just like "fine," idk if he wanted more deets on her but hes the one talking to her he should just as ask her straight up. But anyway at the first bar after a while he comes up to me and was like "Let's take a picture so I can send it to _____." And so we take the picture (tbh I'm offended that he didn't even send me the picture it's kinda cute.) Then we start to get more comfortable with each other.

We go to the club and this is when things start to get a little complicated. Mind you we didn't leave the club until like 4 am. But anyway, I don't drink anymore when I go out for a lot of reasons. But he asks me and I'm like "oh I think I have an allergy to alcohol " which honestly it's not a lie. My nose gets really runny when I drink and I get really red. Then everybody is dancing, we are all having a good time. He's a dancer but so am I so we start having like idiotic dance battles with our other friend. And the vibes are good.

Then at some point I do ask him to dance with me. It started out very innocently but then things get very heated and touchy. We last like this for a long time, maybe like 4 songs. Then I try to teach him how to salsa and bless his soul he's trying. But this lasts for like another couple of songs. But then I see my friend crying so I was like "bye my friend is crying," so I went to see what happened and I do have a vague idea of what happened, but I just sit down quietly next to her. And he comes to sit down next to me.

Flash forward an hour later we do the whole dancing thing again. We are touchy, I try to get him to salsa. But then it's time to leave. On our way to the restaurant we are walking alone together and just talking. He's asking me how long I've been living in korea and how long I've been studying korean. And maybe you could classify this as flirting but tbh I am clueless when a guy tries to flirt with me.

Moving on we eat dinner/breakfast bc at this point it's like 5am. But it's finally time to go home. All our other friends call cabs. But me, my friend him decide to just take the bus or train home since the first train was going to open in like 30 mins. We are walking and I said "I almost fell in spanish." And then he says something that can insinuate do you want to kiss me in spanish. But not like that it's pretty complicated but earlier in the night while we were eating dinner my friend and I said "saliva" in spanish, which there are a multitude of ways. So basically he brought that up again.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. I said "lol stop saying that." And then my friend was like "omg you're insinuating that you want to kiss Laura." And I don't know if he was trying to deflect it at first but she kept like joking with him about it and I can't remember if my friend was the one who brought up my Co worker or if he did. But I did say "she wouldn't care if you did." Because in all honesty it just seems like she wouldn't especially if she has hinted that he's not really interested him.

Now my problem is...I think I now have a stupid crush on him. I have the means to contact him in a bunch of different ways. But first idk if I should because even though I am interested in him. I just don't think he would he interested in me, just given my track record nobody ever is. And if he was I think he would've at least tried to say something by now. Also it could be very possible that I'm the only one that remembers what happened bc I was the only one who was sober. So he might not know what happened, which makes me feel terrible. But there's also like my Co worker, like I don't want to be that person who steals somebody from someone.

So it's just a frustrating situation because I can see myself getting to know him. And he's also the first guy i feel comfortable with. Like i let him touch me and it didnt feel bad but good. And i dont know if you guys know me or remember but if you're new here just know that last year in april something very bad happened to me involving a guy. And since then I've been repulsed by men. But he's the first one that I haven't felt that way with.

And like idk what to do but I already cried about this so many times. Like should I make a move or just send him a message or forget about it because I'm delusional and like he is not interested in me.

Ugh I'm sorry for ranting. It's just my real friends from back home were not helpful at all. And it's to long to explain to my friends here over text so I rather tell them in person when I see them. But for now I just needed to get it off my chest.

[memberment]

Good evening

Guys I just got home from work and proofread everything I needed to including this next Dandelion chapter and I'm trying so hard not to just fucking SOB over it.

I hate it here I want out LMFAOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SAD WHY DID I WRITE THIS FR

10:59 update......

I'm thinking about an absolutely diabolical twist for the Trin series(it doesn't actually change the story in any way, if anything it actually makes it make so much more sense). Like, I've been ruminating on it since last night but idk if it's gonna throw people off. But at the same time like part twos and threes never do as good anyways so do I really even care?? Like, I'm just out here telling stories in fanfic font bc I would rather throw myself in the street than make OCs and not share my fun little stories.

I think I may commit to it.

I don't wanna say it on here though bc it's one of those plot twists you get will not forget even though part three is like FOREVER out.

The more I think about it the more I wanna do it. Someone tell me I should do it.

Oh my god I am shutting up and finishing reading Dandelion, y'all will hear my virtual screams in approximately one and a half business hours.

(11:43) I'm actually fucking sobbing and I didn't even start the last few chapters. Like, I'm actually crying over this. It's not funny.

(12:00) Never by mag lo coming on while I'm finishing up reading this is not funny. I'm devastated. I hope you all hate me after this oh my god I feel like I just ruined my own life. WHY IS IT SO MUCH WORSE AFTER BEING DONE WITH THIS FIC FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No more angst from me for a long while. I'm banned.

(12:20) Me skimming through tags on fics debating if I want to pick up something new. Everything being totally normal. Suh happy. Trying not to stew in my own misery. And then I see such a vile tag my stomach twists and now I'm just like okay I'll go fuck myself I guess I'll go write or do my homework. I'm sorry, I adore ao3 and I'm never gonna be a hater, BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE WILD. LIKE I AM TALKING SO BAD I'M ACTUALLY CONSIDERING DOING MY HOMEWORK OVER THAT. LIKE I ACTUALLY JUST WIPED THE TEARS OFF MY FACE AND GOT OVER HOW SAD I WAS BECAUSE OF HOW GENUINELY SHOCKED I WAS. Like wow oh wow.

Anyways. Updates here if there's gonna be any. Also Dandelions up if anyones reading this LMAO

It's 1:40 in the morning and the beginning of Morning Glory is making me fucking unwell. I was not joking when I made that joke about like ten dreaded weeks of angst, Jesus Christ.

(2:12) This is my second time posting this exact part. Like I know I've posted this exact part. But I seriously love Christophe and all of his dialogue with my whole heart.

(4:31) I do not recall making Dova this tragic and I'm literally about to sob over him. LIKE WHY???? WHY DID I DO THAT??? WHY ARE HIS LITTLE SUBTLE BITS OF STORYLINE SO ACTUALLY PAINFUL AS THE STORY GOES ON????? (I am allergic to happiness I am my own canon event at this point)

(4:48) THE ABSOLUTE DEVASTATION THAT COMES WITH WANTING MORE STORY BUT IT SIMPLY NOT EXISTING BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT IS DEVASTATING.

(5:02) Welp. I'm ruined and am now compelled by god to start working on Morning Glory again. We're at 73k rn. And only two chapters that aren't the prologue are under 4k. That's fucking terrifying. Like I have 17 minus the prologue rn. WE ARE LITERALLY THREE CHAPTERS AWAY FROM THE FOURTH OF JULY. THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ANOTHER 16/17 OF SUMMER ALONE. AND THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AT LEAST ANOTHER 14 AFTER THAT. LIKE THE 14 ARE THE PLANNED SPECIFIC EVENT CHAPTERS. BRUH. WHY DID I DO THIS????

regret.

regret is all I feel.

but I will push through.

(7:38) before I go to bed I will just say I am at 75.3k. I had no idea how I would even get close to 4k on a birthday chapter where the group effectively decided to just stay home and hang out. But now there is like 1.5k of them playing muffin time. It's wild. I love it. GOOD NIGHT.