#and I've been thinking about it all week. my birthday is coming up. idk I'm just feeling kinda weird

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

live with me forever now (just not for long, for long); October '23

Fall Out Boy, Heartbreak Feels So Good // The Farewell (2019) dir. Lulu Wang // Fall Out Boy, Hum Hallelujah // unknown // Amy Hempel // Erin Slaughter // Sally Wen Mao // Richard Siken // Laura Makabresku, The Anatomy of Melancholy // Trista Mateer // A Softer World // unknown // The Farewell // Hosho McCreesh // unknown // Fall Out Boy, Heaven, Iowa // The Farewell // Kaveh Akbar // locket engraved with words by E. E. Cummings (source unknown) // Panic! at the Disco, Trade Mistakes // Hieu Minh Nguyen

[livwritessometimes]

Enough For You - Lando Norris

: Lando Norris x Reader

: All Y/n wanted was to be enough for Lando

: Series Masterlist

: Main Masterlist

: Author's Note - I had been so busy with work that this kept on getting delayed but anyways it's finally here! lmk what you think.

…

liked by landonorris and 72,393 others

👤: landonorris

Yourname: Running around the city with my favourite papaya boy (Osc yk it's always you he paid me to say that)! At this point I deserve an award for how many years I've put up with your antics <3

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oscarpiastri: Wow so this is what betrayal feels like (It's okay i know I'm your favourite, let little Lando Norris have his fun)

-> landonorris: i- bitch please I'm older than you

-> yourname: @/landonorris shhhh let the grown ups talk

*liked by oscarpiastri*

landonorris: oh please you love it!

-> yourname: do I now?

-> landonorris: 😏

-> User73: THIS SEXUAL TENSION AHHH!!!!!

-> User21: And then they say "we're just friends" ya just friends my ass

User93: Hmm so Lando spent his only day off during race week with y/n....interesting

Y/n waved as she watched Lando drive away from her doorstep. Today had been like a fever dream. When Lando called her, asking to spend time with her, Y/n was over the moon. It was like wishing for something and having it come true. As she entered the house, she got a text from Lando:

Lando 🧡: I had a lot fun! thanks for keeping me company today!

Smiling to herself, Y/n made her way into her bedroom. There at the vanity mirror was a photo of her and Lando from when they were 18 years old. It was the night they both went for a bonfire with some of their friends. It was also the first time Y/n realised that she was madly in love with Lando. She doesn't know if it was the melted marshmallow that he somehow managed to get in his hair or the fact that he noticed her getting cold amongst so many people at the bonfire and offered her his hoodie, a hoodie that she still wears to this date, but somehow, surrounded by friends, all Y/n could see was Lando, sitting on a wooden log, looking back at her from between the flames that rose from the wood. 

As she got ready for the night Y/n got another text from Lando:

Lando 🧡: Just got home

Lando 🧡: Again thanks for today, everyone I called was busy or just didn't want to go. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there

And the bittersweet feeling was back again. For Y/n, Lando was the sun; he was the center of everything. There was not a day that went by without him not being on her mind - their impromptu coffee runs, their inside jokes, their stolen glances. Yet every time Y/n let herself believe that something was going to happen between them, she was always met with disappointment. It seemed like she was always a convenient option for Lando. Someone he'd come to when he had no one around but would easily disregard when he found someone more exciting. Y/n thinks about all those times she spent crying because she felt used. About the time when Lando threw her a birthday party and then proceeded to spend the entire night hitting on almost every girl present at the venue. The worst part is that Y/n wasn't even mad; instead, she was sad about the fact that she wasn't one of the girls. All she would ask for at every birthday wish, every 11:11, every rainbow she saw was for Lando to finally see her.

Y/n could feel herself get emotional, so she decided to browse through her phone, when she got a notification on Twitter.

liked by User32 and 87,989 others

👤: landonorris

LN4Updates: Lando Norris in today's twitch stream!!

view all 78,932 comments

User32: hmm ok let me quickly just go and bleach my entire head 🏃🏻‍♀️

User43: He does seem like he would like blondes more

-> User51: What do you mean?

-> User43: Idk blondes are prettier, they seem to have more fun and lando is the kinda guy that enjoys that ig

Yourname added to their story!

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| User93 replied to your story

-> are you perhaps maybe idk just taking a wild guess here could be absolutely off dying your hair b****e??

One thing that Y/n was extremely grateful for in her friendship with Lando was being able to befriend George. Over the years, he had become like a brother to her, and because of George, she also got to know Carmen. She was like a breath of fresh air, and Y/n doesn't know how she would manage her life now without Carmen by her side. The moment they met, it was like they had known each other their whole lives. Carmen was always protective of Y/n. All those times that Y/n found herself crying over Lando, Carmen was always there with her, consoling her. She knows that Carmen wants the best for her and that she's disappointed that Y/n is dying her hair to make Lando like her more, but how can she not? The boy of your dreams likes blondes more, and she would do anything to make him like her. Looking up at the mirror, Y/n stared at her tied-up brunette locks. In the reflection, she caught sight of a book kept on top of her table. She let out a bitter chuckle, remembering the time Lando had posted that book and talked about how impressed he was with it. Like an idiot, Y/n got that book and read it word for word, in hopes that Lando would think that she is smart and that they have more in common than he might think. Instead, Lando barely even registered her comment about the book; he was more focused on the waitress who was taking their order. 

liked by landonorris and 4,92,372 others

👤: yourname

whowhatwear: In this month's cover story, we uncover all the aspects of Y/n L/n's personality we don't get to see on the internet. From starting her modeling career to being heavily involved in Formula 1 ("I got into F1 because of a close friend of mine and since then I have done everything I can to support women in motorsports"), we discuss life struggles, personal growth and more in this month's cover at the link in our bio.

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Yourname: Thank you so much for having me!!! I can't wait for everyone to see this month's edition <3

*liked by whowhatwear*

User88: umm hello since when did you go BLONDEEEEE 👱🏻‍♀️

-> User02: I swearrr! i screamed so loud when I saw thisss

carmenmmundt: SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!

*liked by Yourname*

-> Yourname: Ahhh thank you Carrr 💕

-> User66: I want what they have!

landonorris: You look absolutely breathtaking in this one @/yourname

*liked by Yourname*

User09: I feel like I have died and reached heaven <3

User69: Serve queen 👸🏼

landonorris: Can't takle my eyes off this post!!! Running to get the copy 🏃🏻💨

*liked by Yourname*

liked by landonorris and 76,730 others

👤: landonorris

yourname: Did someone say tanning season ☀️

view all 68,488 comments

User88: And then they say "we're just friends"

-> User02: I swearrr

landonorris: Prettiest blonde I know

-> yourname: 🙈🙈

User93: @/landonorris whatever you're recording over there, we better get that clip or else

landonorris: The sun came out pretty good didn't it 🤭

-> yourname: It did! I wonder who the artist was

-> landonorris: Must be someone amazing, I mean mad skills right there 🔥

-> User43: HE DREW A SUN ON HER!!!!!!!

liked by yourname and 102,832 others

👤: team_quadrant, riabish

landonorris: SPEEDCO is out now on quadrant.gg check it out!!! Also watch me and ria slay

view all 85,925 comments

riabish: Letsgooo 🙌🏻

riabish: The best looking duo out there!!!

-> landonorris: you know it 😏

User62: you guys look soo goood togetherrrr

-> User55: ikrrr like date already!!

landonorris added to their story!

seen by User06 and 91,298 others

| User06 replied to your story

-> Love Party Boy!Lando 🍾

Lando quickly posted a story before he kept his phone back and continued to talk to the girl in front of him. George, Lando, Charles, and a couple of other drivers had decided to go clubbing before race week, and so here Lando was surrounded by friends, enjoying himself. So lost in his conversation, Lando did not notice three pairs of eyes on him. From afar, Y/n, Carmen, and George watched Lando interact with some blonde girl. The three of them had decided to come together for the club.

Y/n felt like laughing at her fate; no matter what she does, he still won't pay attention to her the way she wants him to. Even with her now blonde hair, he was still talking to someone else. Lando made his way towards the trio with the girl from earlier. "Hey, mate, how's it going?" he asked George before turning towards Carmen and saying, "Carmen! It's always a pleasure to see you. You look fabulous, by the way." Lando turned towards Y/n and gave her a nod before taking a sip from his drink, not bothering to say anything else. 

"Good mate, don't you want to, say, compliment Y/n too?" George asked, having seen the look of hurt on Y/n's face when Lando didn't say anything about her. "Nah mate, yk it's just Y/n; she's not the compliment type," Lando said before laughing and throwing an arm around Y/n's shoulder.

Pain, hurt, and embarrassment. That's all Y/n felt under Lando's embrace. She could see the girl from earlier smirking at Y/n after Lando's comment. Suddenly she felt hot, the kind of hot that makes you want to disappear entirely. Carmen saw right through Y/n's fake smile after what Lando had just said. She knew Y/n needed a moment alone, away from this scene and, most importantly, away from Lando. "Y/n I wanted to go touch up my makeup. Would you accompany me to the restroom?" Carmen said and grabbed Y/n's hand, pulling her towards the restroom. 

George and Lando went to the bar to get another drink when George said, "You know, that was kinda mean back there." Lando looked at George, confused. "What you said to Y/n," said George. Lando just shrugged and said, "Yk, how it is with me and her, we're always like this." "Do you know she likes you, like more than a friend?" George couldn't help himself; he knew he'd hear from Carmen and Y/n about this, but he just couldn't control himself. "What?" Lando looked at George, a little shocked. "Ya man, she does. Idk why you keep on chasing these meaningless girls when you have someone as amazing as Y/n by your side, and what for some hours of pleasure?" George said this before he took a sip of his drink and looked at Lando. "Why didn't she say anything?" George just shrugged at that. Lando's mind went back to all the interactions they've ever had, trying to piece together a moment that might confirm this theory that George had just blurted out. 

Meanwhile, in the restroom, Carmen was trying to calm down Y/n "He's just stupid; don't listen to him. You know how many people have come up to try to talk to you today. Don't let him ruin your night," said Carmen. Y/n running hands through her hair, "Ya, but none of them were him, and now he just went ahead and embarrassed me in front of everyone like that." Taking a deep breath, Y/n said, "I think I want to go home. Ya, I'll see you tomorrow for the practice." With that, Y/n rushed out of the restroom and towards the exit. 

Lando saw Y/n leave in a rush and followed her. "Y/n,"  "Y/n wait up." She heard Lando's voice but continued to make her way towards the exit to book a cab for herself. "Wait up, where are you going? And are you booking a cab? It's not safe to take a cab this late," Lando said as he caught up with her at the exit. "It's okay; I'll manage just fine. You can go back to the party now," Y/n replied bitterly before typing in her address. Just as she was about to confirm the cab, Lando took her phone from her hand. "WHAT?" Y/n said a little louder than she had intended to, making a few people look their way. "I'll drop you; please, let me," Lando said before he took her hand and led her to his car. 

The journey was filled with silence; not a single word was exchanged between the two of them. Not even a single glance—well, not from Y/n at least—because Lando kept looking at her every few minutes or so. Growing tired of this weird air in the car, Y/n asked, "Do you want to say anything?" Lando just looked back at her without saying anything. "If not, then please stop looking at me again and again," Y/n said. "I can't help it; you look absolutely stunning," said Lando. Y/n scoffed at that comment before saying, "Oh, why the praise? I thought I wasn't the compliment type." Lando internally regrets saying that now. "Look, I know that you like me. George told me," Y/n felt her heart drop, waiting for Lando to continue, to tell her that he was not interested in her and that she could never be his type- "And I want to give this a try," said Lando, breaking her from her thoughts. "Whatt?" Y/n, not believing her ears, asked again. "What do you mean by you want to give this a chance?" Lando stopped the car at the traffic light before turning to look at Y/n. Taking a hold of her hand, he said, "I want to see where this goes. We have such great chemistry, and everyone else also seems to think the same. I want to give us a try." "So, what do you say, Y/n, L/n? Will you date me?" Lando looked at Y/n, expecting her to answer; what he didn't expect was for her to pull him in for a kiss. It was only when the car behind them started honking that they pulled away from each other. Lando drove Y/n back to her house. The car was filled with silence again, but this time, rather than tension, it was filled with this newfound excitement. 

liked by yourname and 182,822 others

👤: Yourname

landonorris: Another week, Another race!! let's make the most of this one 🧡

view all 85,925 comments

User22: Ummmm so are you not gonna talk about how YOU'RE KISSING Y/N

User01: Ofc betrayed by my favourite driver 💔

Yourname: Let's get podium this week

*liked by landonorris*

-> mclaren: Yess let’s goooo 🏆

*liked by landonorris, Yourname*

liked by User22 and 101,282 others

👤: f1

Formula1Updates: Sebastian Vettel bids farewell to Formula 1. Lewis Hamilton organized a celebratory dinner in honor of the legendary Vettel. All drivers gather together with their wives/girlfriends to celebrate the fantastic journey of Seb. Here is a photo of all the drivers outside the restaurant. Click the link in the bio to learn more!

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User22: The end of an era!!!

Y/n looked around at all the people that had gathered here to celebrate Seb. She had not known him for that long, but when she needed him; he was there for her. It is funny how they first met; it was the race after Y/n's birthday, and Lando had invited her to the paddock as a way to make up to her for ignoring Y/n during her birthday party, which he threw. Y/n was so excited to spend time with him, but all that excitement died down when she got to know that Lando had also invited some of his other friends. Still, she tried to get along with everyone for Lando's sake but it was of no use. Lando barely exchanged a few words with her, instead he spent his entire time with his other friends, which included a bunch of models from Instagram. Y/n remembers how she had gone for a walk in hopes to make her self feel better when she ran into Seb. He just had a way with people, upon seeing her Seb immediately knew something was wrong and what was meant to be a quick 5 min walk to clear her mind turned into a 2 hour ranting session for Y/n. Rest is all history, since then Seb sort of took Y/n under his guidance, always giving her advise when she needed it.

Y/n felt someone stand next to her, and when she turned, she was face-to-face with the man of the evening himself. "Not getting bored, are you?" Seb asked Y/n while giving her a little nudge. "Of course not, just sad that I won't get to see you in the paddock anymore," Y/n said as she let out a sign. Gently pulling her in for a side hug, Seb said, "I see you got the guy!" This caused Y/n to turn her attention to Lando. There he was, the boy she had fallen in love with a long time ago, falling in love with her too. It was as if he could sense her gaze, because at that moment Lando turned to look at Y/n and smiled at her before going to talk to more people present at the party. "Yes, now you no longer have to listen to me mope over him, huh?" Y/n said as she smiled at Seb. "Just know that if he ever breaks your heart, I'll slash his tyres," Seb playfully threatened as he took a sip of his drink. Y/n laughed at his comment before excusing herself to go talk to Alexandra and Carmen.

After a while of chatting, Y/n started to wonder where Lando was. Making her way around the room, she saw him talking to some brunettes. So many people were invited that Y/n had no clue who most of them were. As she made her way towards Lando, she saw the girl raise her hand to fix his hair. Y/n could feel jealousy brewing in her. Quickly making her way towards him, she threw an arm around his waist and greeted him. "Hey, babe, where have you been? They are about to serve dinner; I thought I should come and get you," Y/n said as she looked at the girl in front of her. "Oh yeah, let's get going. I'll talk to you later, Luisa. It was lovely meeting you here, and again, you look amazing. Have a great night," Lando said as he wrapped his arm around Y/n and started walking towards the dining area with her.  Y/n forced herself to smile; she told herself that it's okay; Lando is with her now. All these meaningless compliments to other girls are not going to do anything to change that. At the end of the day, she gets to go home with him, not them, and that's enough. Y/n knew there was no point in dwelling on this; it was not going to do her any good, and if she brought it up, it might cause a fight between them. So instead, Y/n turned her attention to the food in front of her and the people around her. Taking part in their conversation, so she could forget the thoughts plaguing her mind.

liked by landonorris and 76,730 others

👤: landonorris, carmenmmundt

yourname: Too many memories, too many people to tag! What a dinner it was Lewis! Gonna miss having Seb around 🫂

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sebastianvettel: Gonna miss terrorizing mclaren with you @/Yourname

*liked by Yourname*

-> mclaren: 😟

lewishamilton: Thank you Y/n <3 Really glad you we're able to make it

*liked by Yourname*

carmenmmundt: It's you and me against the world 💕

-> Yourname: Forever and ever 🤞🏻

*liked by carmenmmundt*

User68: Okay but way hasn't Lando commented???

liked by yourname and 120,732 others

👤: maxfewtrell, luisinhaoliveira99

landonorris: Had one of the best trips in Dubai!!! Can't wait to visit again 🌵

view all 82,032 comments

maxfewtrell: Best part was when you fell from the camel 😂

-> landonorris: what the hell mate!! you were supposed to keep that a secret

User01: Shirtless landooo 🤤

User48: Omgggg Lando and Luisa look so cuteeeee

-> User03: Dudee he has a gf why would you ship him with her??

-> User48: Honestly I think they look better together

Y/n felt hurt and disappointed. Boys trip! That's what Lando had said, so when she saw him post pictures with Luisa, she felt her heart sank. For a moment, Y/n was still ready to ignore this; maybe she was there at the same time, or maybe they did plan to go. Who cares? She trusts Lando, and that's all that should matter. But all the comments under his post talking about how he looks better with Luisa and how Lando and Y/n should have never gotten together made her question everything.

Unable to think straight, Y/n called Lando:

Lando: Hey, babe (he greeted cheerfully)

Y/n: (For a second, Y/n wanted to forget about all of this and just not make things worse between them) Hey Lan, How was the trip?

Lando: Oh, it was great. I had so much fun; the boys and I went on a safari and all too!! It was just amazing

Y/n: Oh, did the boys have fun?

Lando: Yes, it was honestly one of the best trips I've ever been on

Y/n: Why was Luisa with you guys? (Y/n went straight to the topic, tired of beating around the bush)

Lando: (hesitant) What do you mean, she came on the trip with us?

Y/n: You never told me she was also going. Why did she go anyway? I thought it was just an "all boys trip," or is Luisa one of the boys now?

Lando: What do you even mean? Of course not. Luisa came because I invited her. That day at Seb's dinner, we had such a good conversation that I asked her if she wanted to come with us. I mean, what's the big deal anyway?

Y/n: What's the big deal? The big deal is that you failed to mention to your girlfriend, who is still me, that you were going on a trip with another girl who, by the way, you met a couple of weeks ago. And now you're telling me you invited her?? Do you see why I am having a hard time trying to wrap my head around this?

Lando: Honestly, you're making a bigger deal than it actually is. Ya, so I invited her. It's not like I fucked her or anything, and forgive me if inviting a friend on a trip is a crime.

Y/n: A friend I'd still understand; she's not your friend Lando, and if anything, you should have asked me to come and not her!

Lando: Is that what the problem is—you're jealous I didn't invite you? Honestly, Y/n that's just pathetic, even for you. Your constant need to be around me 24/7 is so annoying sometimes. Do you ever think that maybe I invited Luisa because I can't stand this clingy behaviour of yours? But, of course, you'd never think about how you might be at fault here. I just feel like you can never be satisfied, like ever. Every time I talk to a girl, you have an issue. I mean, if it's such a huge issue, then let's just end things. That would make things a lot simpler for the both of us.

Y/n: No, wait, I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry if you felt like that. I had no idea that you were feeling like that. I swear, I don't have an issue with you interacting with other girls. It's just all these comments online that have been getting to me.

Lando: You know, they always say random things. People ship me with any beautiful girl they see me with, but that doesn't mean that it will come true. You should be so easy to control that even meaningless comments get to you.

Y/n: Ya, I'm sorry

Lando: It's okay. Now, what are you doing tonight? There is a party I want to attend, and I wanted to know if you'd like to come with me

Y/n: Oh, nothing, I'm free. Pick me up at 8?

Lando: You got it! Anyway, I should get going.

Y/n: Bye, I love yo-(Lando hung up before she could finish)

Signing to herself, Y/n opened her chat with Carmen

Y/n: Hey, sorry to inform you at the last minute, but something came up and I won't be able to make it tonight. (Y/n felt guilty about ditching Carmen on their movie night. She knew if she told her the real reason, Carmen would be extremely upset with Y/n, but more than that, angry at Lando)

Carmen 🤎: Is everything okay??

Y/n: Ya, ya, everything is fine. I just remembered this thing I had to complete that I forgot because I kept on procrastinating.

Carmen 🤎: Ofc you'd do that 🤦🏻‍♀️ How many times have I told you to use the planner I gave you? It would make life so much simpler for you

Y/n: Ikkkk I'll use it again next time!! I swear 🫶🏻

Carmen 🤎: Good 😌

Yourname added to their story!

seen by carmenmmundt and 73,028others

| carmenmmundt replied to your story

-> You're out partying again??

Yourname: Ya! Lando got invited to this club so now we're here patyinggg

| landonorris replied to your story

-> Where did you gooo?? come backkkkk i msisss youhhh

Yourname: are you drunk?? lol ok I'm omw to find you <3

liked by User82 and 81,728 others

👤: landonorris, luisinhaoliveira99

LN4Updates: Lando Norris and Luisinha Oliveira were spotted in the Mclaren vicinity. The two previously went on a trip together to Dubai. Fans on Twitter are convinced that these two are seeing each other and that Norris and Y/n L/n have broken up, but there is no confirmation from all the parties involved. From what we can gather, Norris and Oliveira seemed to have a friendly conversation. Some fans present at the race claim that they saw Norris being a little more affectionate towards Oliveira, but nothing can be said for certain. Is this the end of Norris and L/n, or is there more to the story?

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User20: NOO don't tell me they broke up!!!

User82: Honestly I kinda knew this was gonna happen. I mean Y/n is not really Lando's type. I was really surprised when they had announced they were dating

-> User08: Okay but who asked you for your opinion?? They are perfect

-> User77: I'd have to disagree. Lando and Luisa are more compatible you just don't want to accept the fact that lany/n are not that great

Y/n was fuming. She felt as if someone had slapped her right across the face. Even after letting Lando know about her concerns and reservations about him hanging out with Luisa, he went ahead and did it again. Was this the reason why Lando urged Y/n to take a break from the constant travelling? So that he could have Luisa in the paddock with him? Y/n was disgusted; she felt used and discarded. She changed everything about herself—her hair, the way she dresses, the way she talks—hell, she even started to go to his stupid parties with him to make him like her more. There is always a breaking point in everyone's life, and Y/n had reached that. 

Y/n could feel hurt and anger taking over when she heard the front door of her house open. Lando was home from the race. Without wasting a second, Y/n barged into the living room, only to find Lando relaxing on the couch. "How dare you!" Y/n screamed at Lando. If she wasn't so mad, she would have laughed at Lando's confused expression. "What? What do you mean?" asked Lando. "Don't play dumb with me. I told you how I felt about her, and yet you still invited her to the paddock." Y/n could feel tears pricking her eyes. "What? Luisa? How many times do we have to go through this? At this point, I might as well date her. Because clearly, that's what you think I am doing anyway. You might as well make your wish come true," Lando finished. "I hate you, Lando Norris. I fucking hate you so much. I changed everything EVERYTHING for you. I wanted to be like all those girls you usually like. I changed the way I wear makeup; I changed my freaking hair color because you said you liked blondes more in a stupid stream." Y/n let out a shaky breath before continuing. "When you told me you wanted to give us a try, I was so happy. It felt like the universe had finally heard my prayers. I was so happy that I spent the entire night lying on my bed with a huge smile on my face. You know, I always feared that this would happen. I knew that you'd leave me the second you'd find someone more exciting," Y/n said as she wiped the tears streaming down her face. "I had no idea you felt like this," Lando said. For a second, he almost sounded genuine, like he finally saw how his actions had affected Y/n. "I'm sorry you felt that way," Lando said as he looked back at her. "It's a little too late for sorry now, Lando. You have done the damage," Y/n said. "I said I was sorry. Why can't that be enough for you? What do you want me to do? Stop talking to every girl I ever see." Lando said, getting frustrated with how things were going. "I should have known that this was just a waste of time. I would have had such an easy life if George hadn't opened his big mouth and blabbered about how my life would be much better if I just gave you a try and stopped chasing after meaningless pleasure. If only I had known that I was just choosing one meaningless pleasure over another," Lando said as he finally let his frustration take over. Y/n couldn't take it anymore. "Get out! Just get the hell out of my house. I don't want to see your face ever again. I regret the day I met you. I regret it with every fibre present in my body," Y/n said as she watched Lando leave her house, but not before slamming the front door shut. 

Y/n broke down, sinking to the floor. She took her phone out to text Carmen.

landonorris added to their story!

seen by luisinhaoliveira99 and 91,298 others

| luisinhaoliveira99 replied to your story

-> ❤️‍🔥

liked by luisinhaoliveira99 and 100,789 others

👤: luisinhaoliveira99

landonorris: Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years 💕

view all 71,873 comments

User02: Wait does this mean that Lando and Y/n are no longer together??

-> User54: Did you not see the story Lando posted the other day?? I think that was enough to confirm that 💔

User98: He used lyrics from loverrr!!!! this boy is down bad

luisinhaoliveira99: Can we always be this close! Forever and ever <3

*liked by landonorris*

User82: I'm happy that he is happy but isn't this too soon? like he just broke up with Y/n. I mean the least we can do is wait for a month or something not just a few days!!!

-> User66: That's so true! I was thinking the same thing. I mean unless....This has been going on for a while! That's the only explanation cause why else would he jump into a new relationship so quickly??

-> User82: I mean it could be! Do you think this is why George unfollowed Lando??

Y/n saw Lando's post, confirming that he was with Luisa. Y/n hated that girl. She had everything Y/n could have wanted, and she didn't even have to change herself to get Lando's attention. Tired of feeling sorry for herself, Y/n made her way to her bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror, all she could see was a part of her that she no longer liked. A pathetic part of her that tried everything just so she could get a boy to love her longer. Frustrated, she got into her car and drove to the salon she always goes to. It was about time she felt like her old self again, and the easiest step in that direction was getting rid of the sad blonde locks that covered her head.

Yourname added to their story!

seen by carmenmmundt and 65,821 others

| User93 replied to your story

-> Yessss the queen is backkkkk 👑

liked by User22 and 101,282 others

👤: Yourname, shawnmendes

F1Gossip: Bye bye Lando! Y/n L/n, the former girlfriend of Lando Norris, was spotted getting cozy with singer/songwriter Shawn Mendes. The two reportedly first met when they were doing a campaign together for Tommy Hilfiger. Ever since the announcement of Norris's new relationship, L/n has become radio silent. Apart from posting a single story and work-related content, L/n has left her fans guessing about what's been going on with her life. Neither Mendes nor L/n have commented on the paparazzi photos that captured them looking anything but friendly. Is there a new couple on the block or are they "Just Friends?" Stay tuned for more updates on this situation!

view all 65,029 comments

User11: Ohhhh not the "Just friends" shadeeee 🫢

liked by Yourname and 143,086 others

👤: Yourname

shawnmendes: Nothing to see here, just me, my beautiful girlfriend, and our little baby 🦮

view all 121,872 comments

Yourname: The most perfect family I could have ever asked for <3

-> shawnmendes: ❤️

*liked by Yourname*

carmenmmundt: When do i get to meet the most handsome boy in the world???

-> georgerussell63: what do you mean? I just saw you

-> Yourname: 😀

-> shawnmendes: 😀

-> carmenmmundt: 😀

-> georgerussell63: 😌

georgerussell63: The baby in question is a grown ass dog that tried to chew my shoes the other day

-> Yourname: Your fault, should have just let him bite you instead 😒

-> georgerussell63: 😨

-> mercedesamgf1: please give us our George back safe and sound 🥺

User33: Omggggggg Y/n looks so hapyyyyyy and they have a doggggg together!!!! my hearttttt

liked by User22 and 68,028 others

👤: f1

AllthingsF1: Trouble in paradise? Lando Norris and Luisinha Oliveira were seen engaged in a heated argument right before today's qualifying. This comes at a time when Norris has been going through a rough patch these past few races; from constant crashes to DNFs, Norris can't seem to catch a break. Is this off-track drama affecting his performance, or is this simply a coincidence? Some also believe that this could also be the result of Y/n L/n announcing her new relationship. Could this be the downfall for Lando Norris, on and off track?

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liked by User22 and 101,282 others

👤: landonorris, mclaren

F1Tea: Lando Norris is out of the race again! After yet another crash, the chances of Norris and McLaren doing well in the championship seem to be decreasing, race by race. Many fans blame Norris for getting distracted and not performing at his best. Some believe that this poor performance is the result of issues Norris has been facing in his personal life. After his breakup with Luisinha Oliveira, Norris has not been coping that well. Norris also seemed to like a few tweets (now unliked) about his relationship with Y/n L/n. Norris broke up with L/n a few months ago, after which the two have not been in contact. He also immediately got together with Oliveira after their breakup. It's about time that Norris gets out of this slump he's been going through if he wants to hold on to his Formula 1 dream.

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Y/n closed her phone when she heard the front door open, following which she heard a loud bark, and before she knew it, through came her little fur baby, ready to give her all the cuddles in the world. She looked up from her spot on the cough and saw Shawn enter the room holding up a bag of muffins. "Blueberry?" Y/n asked with a hint of excitement in her voice. "You know it! I saw it on my way back and knew how you were craving these. So I got a bunch of them," Shawn said as he kept the baked goods on the counter and made his way towards the couch. "What happened?" Shawn asked, noticing how Y/n looked a little distracted. "Nothing; I just got a text from Lando," Y/n said before looking back at Shawn. "Why? Did he say anything stupid? If so, let me know, because then he'll have to deal with me," Shawn said as he stroked Y/n's leg. "No, he just said he misses me. You know, if I hadn't met you and realized what being in an actual relationship is like, I actually would have gotten back with him," Y/n said as she petted their dog, who was exhausted and almost asleep after a morning run with his dad. "But I am glad that I found you. I have never felt more like myself than when I am with you. I just want to say that I love you so much and I love our little family," Y/n finished. Shawn quickly got up from his place and tackled Y/n. "I love you too. So much, you won't believe it, and I can't wait to expand our little family," Shawn said, smirking at Y/n before he started peppering her face with kisses. Laughter was the only sound that filled the L/n-Mendes household as they spent the rest of the afternoon talking and watching old movies.

Yourname added to their story!

🎶 I Like Me Better by Lauv 🎶

(I knew from the first time, I'd stay for a long time! I like be better when I'm with you 🩵)

seen by landonorris and 93,842 others

| shawnmendes replied to your story

-> 💙

Lando looked at Y/n's story, and all he felt was pain. Not only did he lose a person who truly loved him, he also lost one of his best friends. Being with Luisa was exciting; it made him feel young and full of life. The idea of settling down seemed so foreign back then that Lando couldn't have cared less about how his actions might have affected Y/n. He knew it was wrong to flirt with multiple women, even though he was in a committed relationship, but all of that felt like nonsense to him back then. But as he lay in bed, sad and alone, Lando realised just how much of an impact Y/n had on his life. He lost the girl, and now he's on the verge of losing his career as well. Lando felt a tear roll down his face. One became two, two became four, and before he knew it, he was full of tears. There was nothing Lando could do; he laid the bed with all his actions, and now he has to sleep in it. Tired of it all, Lando finally let sleep take over him, hoping that when he wakes up later, his heart will feel a little lighter.

[white-wolf-buckaroo]

The last drop in The Last Drop🍺✨

Here is my self indulging fic set in the Arcane series because I miss Vander a lot and I need to cope with the ending somehow -> Basically a fic where I add an og character (a little girl named Luna) who becomes Vander's fifth adopted child (shoutout to the single dad of the year)

Disclaimer: I haven't played LOL and english isn't my first language, so yeah, and oh I've got daddy issues (reason for which I'm writing this lol)

Mi main Masterlist: here!

Pre-Act 1.1

It's alright, little one

Luna liked Vander's hands. They made her feel safe. He made her feel safe

She's got us now

The Last Drop was a loud place, and Vander's kids were also loud, but Luna slowly begins to fit in within the chaos with her new family

You're not by yourself anymore, Lu

Luna has nightmares, but Vander will always be there for her. She just has to learn that.

I like being close to you

Luna likes to hang out behind the counter because she likes being close to Vander.

It's nice to make new friends

Luna meets Ekko for the first time.

We're having a game night!

When Vander realizes Luna is scared of thunderstorms, he thinks of something to help distract her from the next storm.

To protect something precious one must be willing to do anything

As Luna keeps Vander company while he cleans up for the night, an unexpected visitor arrives: a man with a long coat, black hair, and a scarred eye.

And I'll keep choosing you, every single day

Vander had been called many things in his life, but no one had ever said 'Dad' to him. Until now.

You're my family. Every single one of you.

Mylo, Vi and Claggor get frustrated because they are grounded for a week, and they get angry because Vander doesn't seem to get as angry with Powder and Luna when they do wrong. It's time for him to remind them that he doesn't have any favourites (this one follows directly the one shot/chapter before "And I'll keep choosing you, every single day").

This is somethin' special, kid

On a rare sunny day in the Lanes, all the kids go outside to have fun and play, but not Luna. She stays in the basement all day working on a super secret project that she reveals at the end of the day to her family.

Takes one to know one

Luna makes a new friend, except he isn't from the Lanes, but from Piltover. A boy named Seb.

... more to come!

Drabbles pre Act 1.1.

Told you sprinkles are important!

Vander, Powder and Luna bake Vi a birthday cake.

'Guess the tooth fairy knows her stuff

About a tooth fairy named Claggor.

He's so going to kill us

Luna tags along Vi and Claggor to complete an assignment for Vander, however, she loses them and ends up alone (scaring the sh*t out of her siblings and dad).

... more to come!

Act 1.1

I’ll still fight every day. For them.

Vander wakes up after being taken by Singed for his experiments.

... more to come!

If you have any requests or want to see something happen let me know! I do have a few things mapped out, but as this is a very self indulging fic, I'll probably don't follow a concrete order posting (maybe one day I post a one shot set when they were all kids and the next day one set in season 2, idk depends on the mood ig)

Tell me if you want to be tagged!

[askthefamous8]

Even if I haven't been very active lately, 9 years is still pretty significant- happy birthday to the blog!

So like Percy up there I'm gonna do so dome reflecting. This blog's where I've often done that for some reason, but here's the tl'dr for blog related stuff.

• I would like to keep drawing stuff but feeling generally unsure in myself, and I'm wondering if all the years of fandom harrassment have caught up with me • I have one big project in mind, I've been dipping my toe into what I'd need to do it. No spoilers but it was one of the first things I played around with this series, so do with that what you will • If I can keep myself drawing, I want to use more of the original source material since I'm struggling with original ideas. So stuff like redraws, hOpEfULlY even animatics, just like what originally got me so into trains yknow? Because that's fun and sparks joy. And that always goes down a treat with you guys so bonus • As always I appreciate you guys not coming after me for being so inconsistent

The rest of this is me doing what Percy's doing in the drawing and reflecting, as there is indeed much 2 think about. It's also a little sad and venty so, there's your warning there.

.

Ok so obviously a busy year, we moved into our new house that we actually own, I spent most of the year planning our wedding, and then got married. Big stuff. Also! I came off antidepressants in the summer. I've been on them for...basically as long as this blog, 6 months after I started it I think. Which also means I'd been on antidepressants my entire adult life. Feels like a big deal and I guess I'm still adjusting.

Another big thing, but sad, is that my dog died about two weeks ago. If you follow me on twitter you'll have seen her but she did make an appearance here a few Halloweens ago

I got her when she was 13 and had her 8 years after that. So that's been difficult. Unrelated to that (probably), but I just feel...really mediocre. And before you point out the obvious, this has been present even before I came off antidepressants. But yeah just... mediocrity. In myself as a person, how I look, what I draw, my whole life really (barring my marriage thankfully). What have I achieved? I'm 26, I'm not working, I don't feel well, my art isn't good (I don't think so anyway- like yeah it's technically fine I guess but it's not, and has never been, very stand-out or impressive). And lately art doesn't bring me the same joy it once did, and I'm wondering if all the years of harrassment from this fandom (mostly the twitter side, tumblr's been pretty good to me) has finally caught up with me and put me off the whole thing. Or worse, that I just don't have as much of an interest in it anymore. I don't think I'll ever be like "ok yep I'm officially done with this blog" because I'm so stubborn but idk. I want to make things and be creative, I want to make more train art, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't know what's wrong. What do you listen to? What you want vs what you feel? I still enjoy train stuff, I love going to Awdry Ex every year. It's been like this for awhile. It's not even like I have a strong feeling of what I'd rather be doing as far as careers go. And even if I did, oh yeah I'm sure my two degrees in animation will be very relevant in another field (sarcasm). I feel adrift. My sails are open but there is just no wind. Planning my wedding gave me something to do and work on and just, feel useful but now that that's over I feel lost again. Losing my dog, who had become the center of my life because of how vulnerable she had become, hasn't helped.

On the more creative side of things, I also don't really know what to do with this blog's story either. The show's ended as far as most people are concerned, and I kiiinda wrote myself into a corner because once Thomas turns 18 he's going to leave for university, and that sets off this whole arc with James but basically the problem is it involves characters leaving and for some reason that feels like a no-no here. Don't get me started on the timeline lol. But Thomas works on a railway on Sodor, that's how it has to be...right? I guess I'm sort of at a crossroads of, ok do I want this to be close to the source material, and thus easily digestible to newcombers? Or do I want to make it more and more my thing and distanced from the source material? I doubt there's many new people coming since the series ended. And even then, there's a lot more humanization artists around now than when I started, so it's not like I'm filling a niche anymore. Just to be clear it's fine and also good that there's more humanization artists, variety is good, I just don't feel as "needed" anymore (which is 100% in my head and not an actual role that belongs to me or something). I started this blog when I was 17, so my interests and what I relate to have changed obviously. The character designs certainly have. It's never followed a super rigid story plan, but the core of it has always been the central cast doing things on Sodor. I however have always had a scene/project/animatic/whatEver in mind for when this 'series' would '''officially''' ''''end''''. But then what comes after that? I've always tried to run this blog like they are Real People that You interact with. But in real life there is no ending to the story, there's always more stuff to come. You get married, and it's wonderful, and then life goes on. The credits never roll. So maybe that's what I'm having trouble coping with...the progression of time. Ah, my old nemesis. I've always had trouble with letting go of things. There's nothing to say that I couldn't still draw stuff after the series "ends". I guess any story after Thomas leaves could be like... a sequel series or a spin off or something. Spin-off of a spin-off. Famous 8 All Grown Up. Famous 8 Qurter Life Crisis. Who knows. I certainly don't.

I've also been really into an original project unrelated to this but those don't get as much attention and while I'd like to do something with it one day, I don't feel very confident in being able to make that happen right now. But you know... as far my as art not being super spectacular goes... I think my individual talent has always been is my ideas, like the writing side of things. And then brought to life with my art, which normally isn't anything to write home about but is good enough to convey the idea and be not-awful to look at, lifts both of them beyond what they were individually. Maybe that's what I should focus on. Maybe that's wishful thinking.

So....idk. Idk what I'm doing but I'm trying to be gentle on myself and just let myself continue to drift, to heal from this heavy loss, and then in the New Year I'll try and pick myself up. Then there will be no more big once-in-a-lifetime events coming up, no more just-moved-into-a-house-and-oh-no-there's-a-bunch-of-things-that-need-attention-NOW scenarios, and no more big holidays for awhile. I guess we'll see.

If you read all of this I am so sorry but also thank you for reading my ramblings. And thank you for being around, whether that's been for a few months or for several years, but especially if it's been several years

[xxnashiraxx]

✨Ali's Birthday Bash!✨

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Hi everyone!!! Welcome to my birthday bash!! I have exactly one week till my 26th bday!! (It's special cause I'm only 26 on the 26th once!! 😁) I decided a month or so ago that I would like to spend it giving back to the people who have made me feel loved and accepted here on this silly little app and in this wonderful community! 💕 I am oh so grateful, and so beyond awestruck by the friends I've made here and the opportunities to bond with people I never would have met or had otherwise, that I had to do something to show my appreciation. 💗 I won't wax poetic too hard in this opening section, except in the little tidbits below, but my goal is to get 2 of these out a day, probably at different times each day (cause my schedule is a little erratic haha 💗) and I'm going to try so hard to get to everyone- I have some backlog, and I hope I can finish all of these before next week is up! But please bear with me! 💕 This may extend past my bday cause I work fulltime and I have to travel for the holidays, but I have a big list and a lot of people to show love to, so! 💗 Without further ado!!

divider here!

Ysera (for @khywren)

This was the first portrait (right? portrait? ahh idk) I completed!! I have some gripes with it, and I spent so much time trying to go back and forth trying to get things and proportions and perspectives right, but I think she's ready!! I'm not going to be a perfectionist any longer (a bald-faced lie) but I can't keep staring at it!!

Now on to what really matters! @khywren you have been such an amazing friend and wonderful presence in my life ever since I met you!! You were one of the very first people to read my fic and comment on it, and you care so much about my writing and show it and it just means so much to me (": Before you and a few other people began to read it, I didn't think I would continue anymore, but you helped me come out of that funk and feel better about the good and the bad! 💕I love Ysera so much, I cherish her and her nature and personality and wish I could hug her on the daily 💗 Your writing is so beautiful and evocative, and it's truly a gift to this fandom- I am so happy to call you my friend and so glad that I get to read your work! I hope I did your gal justice!! 💕 You have my heart forever 🥺💕

Tav (for @bby-bel-art)

BELLL!!! 💜💜 You are such an amazing person!!! I am so so so grateful we met! You are an incredibly talented artist with such a big heart and I treasure you so much! I cannot tell you how insanely overwhelmed with love I feel every time you send me a little art of Ofelia, or make a playlist for my fic, or tell me an idea and I just 🥺💕I feel so unworthy and awed that you like it and think about it and it's crazy- I truly don't know what I did to deserve you, but I am forever honored! You have the best music taste and I admire you so much- thank you for everything, and thank you for being my friend!!! 😁💜 I hope you like this little art of Tav- I am new to scales, so they may not look exactly like they do in the game, or much of the features 💀 But I hope you like it! 💜

Look out for more of these in the coming week! I will tag them all as #ali's birthday bash so hopefully they're a bit easier to find! I love you all so much!!!

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

WOW, a Mario Reacts! It's been a long time, hasn't it? Hell yeah, I can work with this!

(no bc seriously, I just finished watching ep. 7 of Arcane before this and I need an emotional break, yeah I know the rest of Act 3 is gonna kill me)

(the following is my live reaction:)

oh hey, Mario! Wassup?

jigsaw, is that you?

oh nvm, hello Swag! nice to see you again since last episode

I'm about to commit a crime [*strikes a pose then walks away*]

I'm willing to work in a government office just so I can come up with an acronym like, gee idk, Y.U.R.I. or something (I should've been a worker in NASA)

NO STOP STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?!

At this point, Mario, I would just give up

[*clears throat*] mejor me muero, ni modo que sigo con estos porquerías. bueno como dice Mario, bye bye [*drinks some water*] alright I'm back

TADC? ah, just a normal Saturday

no thoughts, head empty

honestly, mood

well, in his own way, yeah

[*echoes announcer voice*] VR, the new era of entertainment

...mr puzzles? nah jk jk

oh, Four's theory may not be wrong here (omg it's jesus)

still can't believe christianity is canon in the SMG4 universe

oh, so I was right! [*jigsaw voice*] "I wanna play a game."

That's actually kinda sweet that he immediately chooses his brother

OH SHIT OOOOH that's gotta hurt

NO MARIO, THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME

[*other me pops in*] emo girlfriend, omg it's smg3

no, we're NOT gonna look too much into this, shut up other me

PPFFFTTT that caught me so off guard

say it with me now: YOU CAN'T CONTROL MARIO [*applause*]

I mean, we've been through simulations before, we can take this one too

unironically, I wouldn't mind a 10-hour video of just Mario (and/or the rest of the Crew) just dancing :)

it doesn't even need to have music, I can just put my playlist on and I would totally join in

ooooh, you want to scan that QR code so badly

but also, how did they get a screenshot of my computer?

Mario 🤝 Mario Buddy from the last episode → destroying PCs for the LOLs

AKLDHLKSAFB;KL just the way Mario goes for a fighting stance just so he could run away will never not be funny to me

LET ME IN LET ME INNNNNNNNN

10 hours, welp I got my wish lmao

Mario morphing his face... hmmmm..... [*flashback noises*]

[SMG4: MAR10 Day]

....

don't think about it don't think about it don't think about it

KIRBO NOOOOOOOOO

NO NO NO SWAG NO

same vibes

meme factory? youtube arc? is that you? /j

(yeah I know that the Team uses the same assets ik)

LET'S DO THISSSS oh welp time to vibe

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

what would that be, Swag? Try not to Laugh challenge? I might win tbh

LET'S GO GAMBLING

laughing because of early victory call? very in character for Swag

oooh that's some good animation (y'know, as always)

HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE

am i thinking too much into this or is this the same military base from last episode?

Alright, my little headcanon: the events of this episode and the last one took place on the exact same day

that's just for me specifically

oh hey, more TADC ref

Also, nice PINGAS STUCK IN A DOOR ref

man Mario can't catch a break dude

Congrats to CMorseu for your art being featured at the end credits 🎉

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

Such a good episode! Not plot-heavy, just a silly episode. I'll gladly take it as my late birthday present. And it's great to have Swag back, kinda was half-expecting Chris to just pop out.

I've said this once and I'll say it again: I wouldn't mind if the rest of the year is just filled with goofy episodes. After all, we just came from WOTFI and we do need a bit of a break so the Team could work on the next arc. (From the looks of things, we might get goop!4 *cough cough*)

Loved the bits of animation and Mario's expressions as always.

Now, I know there is some talk about the SMG4 Crew/Mario Does Things being on hiatus and merging with the Saturday videos. If you can even call it that. Personally, I don't mind it. I completely understand if doing 2 episodes per week is a lot for the Team to handle, though I do wish they would give an explanation for it. I think the best solution would be for the Team making an announcement of the change, the reasons behind it, and how it may be different from the regular Saturday episodes. Also make it clear that "hey, the title says this so it doesn't impact the main storyline".

Anyway, it has been overall a pretty funny episode and I quite enjoyed it! Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna cry my eyes out watching the rest of Arcane Act 3 and bring that angst to the next episode concept :)

OH THE MISERY EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE MY ENEMYYYYYYY

[quantum1mmortality]

Jamil Jamil, hes our man! (🍋Jamil x gn!reader🍋)

Okay so this is a belated birthday gift for my beloved boyfriend <<333

I mainly based the things reader says and does over things he'd personally do but I did want to post this on here so he could read it anytime

♧CW: reader is referred to with they/them but is fem bodied, smut and comfort, probably ooc jamil bc we love it when he's soft, first time sex, reader is dealing with a lot of shit fuck and jamil Is so sweet such husband, unsafe sex, its premarital too, jamil has big pp energy so he absolutely has a big pp here, he doesn't know how to use it tho pls help this man, bath sex and cockwarming near the end btw, smut smut smut oh so smutty we love him!!!!!! Also jamil cums inside?? Idk I might do that ig we'll see LMAO, oh also pet names, oh so many pet names bc me and my boyfriend use them on eachother all the time

♤!!ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS FIC ARE 18+!!♤

♤NOT PROOFREAD yall ever proofread a smut??? Its embarrassing. Im not doing that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧ it had been one hell of a week.

Everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. Grim was sick beyond belief, no amount of tuna could help him stomach anything. You TRIED to buy more paper towels and better probiotics for him from Sam's shop, but you couldn't afford them because Crowley wasn't paying you enough.

Speaking of Crowley, he had to cut back on your paychecks because the school was putting out too much money for the overblots.

Ace and Deuce were over at ramshackle to help get things fixed up, but the ghosts decided that wasn't a good idea. They started throwing everything around, and one of them hit deuce in the head with a spare candlestick on accident. He wasn't okay, to say the least.

Not only that, but in Crewels class, you weren't paired up with your beloved boyfriend, Jamil! Crewel decided to pair you up with Sebek, and his loud yelling made you lose focus and fuck up the potion, earning a really bad scold from both Sebek, AND Crewel.

But luckily, it was Friday. After school. And you wanted some comfort. And what better way to get that from Jamil himself? Going to the mirror chamber, you get teleported to Scarabia.

Knocking on the door, you're greeted with the ball of sunshine of NRC, the Scarabia housewarden himself. "Hey you! I've been hoping you'd swing by, Jamil seems a little down, think you can cheer him up?" Seems like he's in the same position. No worries, you guys are always help eachother through bad times. Having kalim escort you throughout the halls, you're infront of his door, Jamils door.

Knocking on the door, Kalim yells out to him, "hey Jamil! Your s/o is here! They wanna hang out with you!" He leans on the door, ear pressed against it as you do the same. You can hear jamil yawn from the other side, seems as though he just woke up.

"Come in." He says. Kalim bids his farewell as you open the door to see your beloved. "Ah, my love, I've been hoping you'd come by." He said with a smile as he stood up from his desk. "Jamil! I'm so glad you're here, I heard from Kalim that you were upset.. are you okay?" "I'm more worried about you, dear. You've had quite the week. I've been worrying about you, thats all."

He walks over to his closet and pulls out a stick of incense. Lighting it up and putting it in a holder, he begins to walk over to you. "How are you doing? Are you okay?" He asks as he takes your hands and leads you to sit on his bed, sitting next to you after. You start to twiddle your thumbs, something he picked up that you did when you were nervous.

"I'm just.. I'm so tired... mentally, physically, everything hurts.." you say as you begin to shed tears. Jamil lightly cups your face with one hand and takes your hands in his empty one. He leaves Featherlite kisses on you cheeks as your tears start to spill, he places a soft kiss on your lips before speaking. "Honey, I know this is hard, okay? But im here whenever you need me. I'll always be here, no matter what. You're such an amazing person, everything about you entices me. You're so beautiful, and smart- and I just can't stand seeing you upset. You're so amazing, you don't deserve to feel like this, but im here for you. Always."

Looking into his eyes show nothing but love. He slowly leans in to kiss your lips. Its soft, and sweet. Perfect for him, his lips are so soft against yours. After a few seconds, he pulls away, letting a string of saliva connect the two of you as he places his forehead against yours. "I love you, never forget that." He says, placing another soft kiss on your lips.

"I love you too." You say, deepening the kiss. You begin to nibble on his lower lip, asking for permission and when he gives you it, you slip your tongue in. His mouth is sweet, warm, comforting. You just couldn't help but want more.

You can tell he was getting excited. He usually does when the two of you make out, but he doesn't say anything most of the time. He just excuses himself and takes care of it, coming back like nothing happened. But, what if you just, took it further this time? I mean, Jamil was such an amazing boyfriend, who else would you want to take your first? You knew he was a virgin too, though you have talked about sex in the past with him you couldn't help but notice how shy he'd get when you got too close.

Taking the initiative, you place your palm on his growing bulge, just to earn a surprised grunt from Jamil, followed with him pulling away from the kiss and halting your movements by holding your wrist. "(Y/n).. what are you doing? I mean, I know what you're doing, but are you sure nows a good time? I mean, like, I want to do this, I do, but, you're upset.. you're vulnerable.. I dont want to take advantage of that. I want you to be in the right mindset for this.. thats all." He looks at you with genuine concern in his eyes, but deep down you can see a hint of lost aswell.

"Jamil.. please, I need you. I've wanted this for so long and I just need a stress reliever.. please, you're the only one who can make me feel better.." tears start to form in your eyes out of sexual frustration. Cant someone just want to be dicked down by their boyfriend in peace? Apparently not in this economy.

Jamil takes a second to think, hand still cupping your face as he avoids looking you in the eye. Looking back at you, he begins to speak. "I just don't want you to think im taking advantage of your vulnerability. So, tell me you want this, and I'll give you everything I have. Promise." He says as he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"I want this, I want you Jamil." You say with a nod. A smile shows on his face as he stands up and walks to his bathroom. Coming back after a few moments, he has some things in his hands. "I have condoms and stuff, but if you want to we can do it raw and have you take plan b in the morning? Whatever you want dear, im fine with whatever." Taking a minute to scan everything over, you answer. "Raw. Raw is better. Cum inside me too. Please." Blunt. Jamil got so red from you saying that, he starts tripping over his words, which puts a smile on your face.

"Are you sure? Like, SERIOUSLY, are you sure?? I'm just, I-I'm flattered, really, but we don't have to do this, im okay with wearing condoms, or not doing anything at all!" Jamil says as he avoids looking you in the eyes again. Instead of answering with words, you just answer by kissing him, interlocking your fingers with his, giving them a tight yet gentle squeeze. He seems to take the hint and goes back to the bathroom with everything in hand, putting it away.

He comes back looking as red as a tomato as he walks to the bed and sits next to you. Turning to you, you're able to finally be able to catch his lips into a sweet kiss again. This one getting heated quickly with your tongues dancing in a matter of seconds. You begin to take his jacket off as he slowly unbuttons your dress shirt, leaving enough open so he can begin touching your exposed skin. Slipping of his shirt, you begin to touch his chest, reveling in how toned his stomach is.

He begins to slip off your panties with one hand while the other touches the plush of your thighs. Taking the undergarments off and throwing them somewhere in the room, the takes his middle and ring finger and begins to grab slick while unintentionally brushing up against your clit, earning a loud, unexpected moan from you. He begins to push his fingers into your entrance while kissing you, swallowing and hushing your moans.

As he begins to pump his two fingers in and out of you, he takes his thumb and begins to stimulate your clit, which makes you scream his name whilst breaking your kiss. "Shhh honey, I know you like it, but we must be quiet, we don't want anyone intruding, do we?" He says with a tease in his voice as he begins sucking hickeys on your neck in private places. You still have school after all, he wouldn't want you to get in trouble.

With all of the stimulation, you can quite quickly. How couldn't you? Jamil had two fingers inside you, scissoring and curling while his thumb was rubbing circles on you clit. Coming down from your high, you take steady breaths as Jamil begins to unbuckle his belt, taking his pants and boxers off in one go.

Placing one hand on your hip as his other aligns his long, stiff member with your entrance, he looks into your eyes with nothing bit pure love. "If you ever feel uncomfortable, or want to switch positions, or stop or anything during this, just bite my ear okay? And im not saying nibble, im saying full on bite. I dont give a shit if you draw blood i just want you to be comfortable and happy, okay?" Nodding your head in anticipation, he kisses you as he slowly sinks his member into you.

It hurts. The pain is indescribable, but it quickly morphs into pleasure as he sinks in more. Jamil begins to groan, softly saying under his breath how tight you are, how you're taking him so well, how beautiful you look. Spoonfeeding you praise after praise as he reaches you deepest ends of you.

Finally bottoming out, he hugs your waist, kissing your neck softly. "Tell me when I can move, love." Waiting a minute or two to be adjusted to his size, you speak up. "You can move now." And with that, he begins to thrust in and out of you. Choked moans fill the room from you both as he tries to find a steady pace.

Jamil begins to lean down to your ear, praising how good you feel, telling you how amazing you are and telling you how lucky he is to have you. As he begins to thrust harder and deeper, he begins to kiss you. Its more teeth and tongue than anything, you're both acting like starved beasts who haven't eaten in days.

As Jamil experimentally pulls out and slams his cock back into you, the both of you groan loudly, realizing that he hit your g-spot. As he continues to go in and out of you at a rapid, yet somehow soft pace, you begin to feel his cock twitch inside of you.

Leaning to your ear, he praises you more. "My love, you're making me feel so good. I know you already said I could, but will you please give me permission to cum inside you? You make me feel so amazing, I need you so bad." He says as you moan his name again, not caring who'll hear anymore. Nodding as permission, he releases he load into you, making a few deep thrusts so you cum aswell.

Laying together to catch your breaths, Jamil slowly pulls out, watching as your body twitches from being empty. Going into his bathroom again, he grabs two waters and some sweets for you. "Eat up. You lost a lot of energy just now. I'll go and run a bath for us."

Once you're finished with your snacks and water, Jamil carries you bridal style to the bathroom. Placing you in the bath first, he climbs in after you. He then snakes his arms around your waist and pulls you into his lap. As he begins to wash you up, shampooing your hair and putting bodywash on you, your hands find their way back to his semi hardened member. Jamil practically chokes on his moan as you begin to stroke him, running your finger up and down his shaft.

He looks at you with confusion, earning a small chuckle from you. "One more round? Please?" You say, looking up at him with pleading eyes. He let's out a sigh, picking you up by the waist and slowly sinking you down on his now hardened cock. Getting into a position where your face is buried in his chest, you're content with not moving and just staying as is.

As he begins to wash you more, barely moving his hips as his one hand grips your waist, he starts to kiss more marks into your neck again. "My love, you've sparked something in me. Now im not sure if I can stop after 'one more round'," he practically growls in your ear. This may have been one long week, but this was going to be an even longer night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[missvelvetsstuff]

The Situation Room

Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: After a mission almost gone wrong, Tony brings back Bucky's former assistant, who is also Bucky's ex. Can they work together without hurting each other? Will the whole truth about their break up finally come out?

Previous chapter

Maria looked at the floor "A background check was done by someone I thought I could trust but was apparently a double agent. When I did some digging I found that her real name is Emily Megan Pierce. I think Radar is in real trouble."

Chapter 11

Notes: I had this chapter half done on Monday and my mother in law passed early Tuesday morning so I've been helping my husband go thru her things and make funeral arrangements. I didn't think I'd finish this chapter but my insomnia decided to rear its head and here I am. We have a lot going on so idk when the next update will be but I've already started writing so hopefully not too long.

Warnings: swearing, angst

A week later the Avengers were still coming up empty in their search for Radar. Bucky and Maria had barely slept or eaten, both wracked with anxiety and guilt. They barely spoke except to go thru any leads they found and fight with each other over who was at fault. Each went from blaming the other to turning on themselves.

Bucky looked like Hell. Greasy hair, red rimmed eyes with dark circles. His face was gaunt from lack of food, he just couldn't eat it sleep no matter how he tried.

Maria was worse off since she had no enhancements. Every time she dozed off at the table in the situation room, she startled awake and downed more caffeine pills with a coffee chaser.

Nick Fury had been offsite for a few days, trying to connect with some of his informants to see if they had heard anything. When he arrived he was shocked to see the terrible shape they were in.

"Hill! Barnes! Get up and go to bed before I have a sedative administered and you're dragged back to your quarters."

His voice allowed no disagreement.

Maria clumsily stood up and shook her head "Boss, I can't. We have to find her." Her eyes filled with tears "She's, she was. Fuck" she wiped the tears away before they could fall. She held back a sob "I have to find her".

Nick grabbed her arms and ran his hands up to rub her shoulders, speaking softly "Maria. I know and we will find her but you're no good to me, to her, like this. You know there will likely be a fight to get her back and right now you would be a liability in a fight." He quickly hugged her. "Get something to eat and get some rest. I promise you'll be the first person notified when we get a lead."

He looked over at Bucky "I didn't forget you, Sargent. Go hit your rack and you'll be notified as soon as we have anything."

Bucky grumbled something but headed back to his room.

Fury sighed "Friday? Tell Rogers and Romanoff to come man the situation room while they sleep."

"Yes, Director Fury."

Two more weeks passed with no sign of Radar. There had been a couple of leads but they didn't pan out.

Bucky was feeling desperate. After being miserable for two years he had been hopeful, happy even and she was torn away from him.

After 6 long months the entire team was ready to give up but Bucky and Maria wouldn't stop. Both of them ended up being suspended because they couldn't focus on missions.

2 weeks after he was suspended, Bucky went to Radar's room, with flowers, as the sun was starting to rise. It was her birthday and he needed to feel closer to her. It was still dark in her room and he left the lights off, setting the flowers on her dresser and sitting on her bed.

He heard a yelp and jumped back up, shouting "Who the Hell are you? What are you doing in here?"

The lump mumbled and pushed the blanket down "What do you mean, Barnes? It's my room." She sat up "I know we've been getting along and all but letting yourself into my room without knocking is too much." She yawned "Besides, I'm sleepy. Come back after noon."

Bucky stared at her in shock then multiple questions rushed out "Y/N? When did you get back? Where have you been? Are you ok? What's going on?"

Radar yawned again "What are you talking about Barnes? I'm fine and haven't been anywhere. I dozed off after our talk and you carried me to bed." She looked up at him, confused "Didn't you? Maybe I was just too tired to remember coming to bed?"

Bucky couldn't speak for a moment, trying to figure out what she was saying "Y/N are you talking about the night you told me all about your past?"

Radar sighed "Yes, last night. What else would I be talking about?"

Bucky took a deep breath before speaking again "Doll, that was almost 7 months ago. Today is your birthday."

Radar scoffed "I don't think so Barnes, I'm not falling for your tricks. Was it Sam's idea?"

She climbed out of bed and put her robe on "I feel like I haven't slept at all and you have to come in with some prank."

Bucky stammered. "N n no no no, sweetheart, it it's not a joke. You went missing the morning after our talk. I've, I mean we we've been losing my I mean our minds trying to find you."

Radar shook her head "Seriously? Then why don't I remember anything after our talk last nite? I'm impressed with your commitment to the bit but I'm not buying it."

Bucky sighed "Fine, don't believe me. Friday, what day is it?"

Friday gave the date and that it was Radar's birthday.

Radar scowled at him "Then Tony's in on this too, he could have reprogrammed Friday to say that when you asked."

"Friday, when was Radar last in the compound"

Friday replied with the date Radar had disappeared including "6 months, 2 weeks and 3 days ago."

Radar sighed "Bucky, please. I'm too tired for this."

He grabbed her hand "Come on, I'll show you." And pulled her out of the room. She followed him into the hallway and towards the kitchen where she could hear the muted sound of people talking and moving around.

Radar saw Sam exit the kitchen and walk down the hall towards them, distracted by his phone until he ran into Bucky.

Sam looked up and smirked when he saw Bucky but his face dropped when he realized there was a woman who ran into Bucky's back when he stopped.

Sam looked back to Bucky and frowned "Who's your little friend here, Robocop?" When Radar pulled away from Bucky, Sam's jaw dropped "What the-" before his face broke into a huge smile as tears filled his eyes.

He reached for Radar to give her a hug and squeezed her tight "Holy shit, you're back. And in one piece. Damn, we've missed you."

Radar coughed and wheezed out "You're crushing me."

Sam let her go "I'm sorry but we thought we'd never see you again."

Radar shook her head and scowled at him "Of course you're in on this stupid prank. You just saw me yesterday. I haven't gone anywhere and I'm not falling for it."

Sam looked at Bucky with a question in his eyes "What is she talking about? What prank?"

Bucky shrugged "I went in her room to leave flowers for her birthday today, sat on her bed and there she was. Insisting that she never left. Thinks it's some elaborate prank since Friday confirmed what I told her. I thought seeing the rest of the team would convince her I was telling the truth."

Radar rolled her eyes "I have to give you both props for your commitment to the gag but I think I'd remember if I had left the compound or been kidnapped. So I'm still not buying it."

Bucky tried to calm her down "Ok, doll, calm down. Lets just get you some water and you can go back to bed, ok."

Radar shrugged "Whatever you want, I just need more sleep."

As they walked towards the kitchen, the voices became clearer. It was Steve and Nat joking around about some mission but Radar could feel that something was wrong, their voices had a sad lilt to them.

Steve looked past the breakfast bar and saw Bucky "Hey Buck, you want some eggs and bacon? I'm just getting started so can throw some extra in for you."

As Bucky came closer Steve saw someone behind him "Who do you have there? Is that Wanda? Does she want some food?"

Bucky stopped and pulled Radar out from behind him "What do you think, doll? Hungry for some eggs?"

Steve dropped the bowl he was mixing the eggs in, not even noticing when it hit the floor, broke and splashed eggs everywhere "Radar? When did you? But how? Where was?"

While Steve couldn't get a whole thought out, Nat jumped over the breakfast bar and pulled Radar into a hug. Nat started crying and babbling into Radar's shoulder "You're here, ohmygawd, you came back we thought-"

Radar interrupted "I know, I know, I was kidnapped and you thought I was dead or you'd never see me again. Damn, Nat, I'm disappointed, I didn't think you were into these dumb jokes that Sammy loves so much. I'm still not buying it."

Nat pulled back and looked at Radar, confused, then she turned to Bucky "What's she talking about?"

Bucky shrugged "Last thing she remembers is the night before she disappeared. She thinks we're playing a joke on her."

Radar shook her head "I'm impressed with your commitment to the gag but I'm supposed to believe I've just lost the last..." She turns to Bucky "what did you say today was?"

Bucky sighed "It's your birthday. You've been missing for over 6 months."

"Right. I've lost the last 6 plus months with zero memory. I mean really, would you believe it?"

Steve sighed "It's true but I think we need a team meeting. Friday, please call the team to the common room, asap. Fury and Hill too."

"Of course, Captain."

Radar walked into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee, leaning against the counter as she sipped at it.

Multiple footsteps and voices came up the hall until Bruce and Wanda stopped in their tracks when they saw Radar.

Wanda squealed "Radar! You're back. Are you-"

Radar looked around at her friends with growing fear in her eyes "Ok guys, that's enough. You can let it go now, nice attempt to prank me but it's getting old."

Wanda looked at Bucky with questions in her eyes.

Radar heard Tony and Nick chatting in the other direction before they came into view and stopped dead when they saw her. They stared for a minute before looking at the team.

After a moment of tense silence Maria arrived and started crying as soon as she saw Radar "Radar? You're here? You're ok? I th, we thought you were-"

She couldn't keep talking as she sobbed and ran up to hug Radar.

Radar eyes grew wide and she went from nervous to terrified, knowing that Maria never took part in any of the teams pranks. She felt her knees buckle under her and Bucky barely caught her before she hit the floor. Nick grabbed Maria and walked her over to a chair.

Radar felt her heart racing and started hyperventilating, she tried to speak but couldn't catch her breath as Bucky whispered soothing words and rubbed her back. He helped her to the sofa and sat her next to him.

Tony was the next person to speak "This is not what I was expecting when Friday told me Cap wanted the team here but finding our wayward angel is the best surprise I can think of so does anyone want to fill me in?"

Bucky nodded "I went into her room because it's her birthday and when I sat on her bed, she yelled, scaring the shit outta me. Insists that she wasn't gone and accused me of pulling some prank. She didn't even believe Friday. I figured I'd bring her out so everyone could tell her but she didn't believe any of us." He looked at her "She seems to believe now."

Radar felt tears running down her face "I swear, the last thing I remember is having a hard time sleeping and talking to Bucky. I think we fell asleep on the couch watching tv. Then I woke up in my bed a few minutes ago when Bucky sat on me." She looked at him "What's going on?"

Bucky kept rubbing her back and told her about Meghan coming to her room and leaving the compound with her, how they discovered Meghan was Alexander Pierce's daughter. How they had been searching for her or any clue what had happened but every lead was a dead end and how she definitely wasn't there last night.

Tony spoke up "I don't know what happened but the first thing we need to do is wake Helen Cho and have her perform a complete physical to make sure you're ok and see if there are any clues to help solve this mystery."

Radar nodded "Yeah, uh ok. I don't know how anyone could wipe my memory like that but I can't remember a damn thing." She tried to focus and concentrate but it made her head ache and the harder she tried, the worse the pain was until she cried out.

Bucky pulled her into him "Hey, doll, it's gonna be ok. Don't hurt yourself trying to remember right now. I'll take you up to see Helen and we'll figure this out, ok?

I'll be right by your side for as long as you need me. I promise."

Radar looked at Bucky with tears in her eyes "Ok. I'm scared of what she will find but I need to know what the fuck is going on."

Steve started over with breakfast and Radar sat quietly, picking at her food until Friday told them that Helen was ready to see her. The team followed them to the medbay, Bucky holding her hand the entire way.

"Don't worry, doll. I've got you and I won't let go for as long as you need me."

Radar nodded and followed him into an exam room.

@unaxv @calwitch @buckitostan @cjand10 . @vicmc624 @sandrab02

[w2soneshots]

omg can you pls do a jj x reader where shes simon's sister and he catches them making out then gets all mad because he thinks jj is just being a playboy (im sry idk how to describe it 😭😭) but then realises how much they love each other

ty and i love your fics 💕💕

Not what you think -KSI

words: 0.7k+

warnings: angst, secret relationship, arguing.

summary: you accidentally fall in love with your brother’s best friend.

notes: hey babe!! I’m pretty sure you sent in my last JJ request (correct me if I’m wrong) so I’m gonna name you 💕. Anyway let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!🙂🫶🏼

Me and JJ have been secretly dating for almost three months now. We've known each other for years since Simon's my big brother and they're best friends but just last year I realised I had feelings for him. I didn't act on those feelings so just kept them brewing inside for months because I assumed JJ didn't feel the same.

Until one night we were in a club, celebrating Calfreezy's birthday. We were both a little drunk so had some liquid confidence. He kissed me. But not a little peck, a full on make out session in the back of the club. I was shocked at first but when my brain registered that the person I'd had a massive crush on was basically showing me that he felt the same, I began kissing him back, with a slight sense of desperation and lust.

After that night we didn't talk for just under a week. Then I got a text from JJ asking if I would come round to his house to chat. I agreed, got ready and was outside his front door within thirty minutes of when he sent the message. We sat down on his couch, he was the first to speak. "How are you?" He asked. "Uh, I'm ok just a little confused." I fiddled with the hem of my top. "Confused about what?" "We kissed. You remember don't you?" I started with slight annoyance in my voice. He nodded. "Well you've been acting like it never even happened." He sighed "I'm just, you're- you're Simon's sister. We always agreed to 'never date the sister' but," he took a deep breath "I've liked you for a while now y/n, and I'm not sure if you feel the same way but-" I broke his sentence by kissing him, hard. "I'll take that as a yes then."

After that day we started dating. We already knew each other really well but he still took me out on a first date, then a second and well, now I've lost count. Since we decided to keep the relationship a complete secret we've both had to twist the truth a little. For example I told Simon that I had a boyfriend and JJ told him he had a girlfriend but we just avoided showing pictures or talking about each other.

We're planning on telling everyone this weekend at a party me and JJ planned especially, at my apartment. I'm really nervous and a little worried about how Simon will react. I spent the Friday night setting up so I could focus on getting ready on the Saturday. I bought a bunch of alcohol and some non alcoholic stuff for Tobi. When the day of the party rolled around I had a long everything shower then threw my hair in a towel while I had some lunch. By 6pm, I was fully ready. The party starts at seven. JJ came around forty five minutes early so we could talk about how the hell we were going to tell everyone (but especially Simon) that we'd be secretly together for months.

"It's gonna be fine, calm down." JJ gently rubbed my thigh as we sat on my sofa. I smiled up at him then moved myself closer to him "you're so cute." I whispered, our lips just millimetres apart. He closed the gap by pulling me into him and onto his lap so that I was sitting on his legs. My hands snaked around his neck and his rested firmly on my hips.

"What the fuck." I heard from the front door. I jumped up and my eyes widened when they met Simon's shocked face. In seconds both me and JJ were stood and making our way towards Simon. "We can explain-" JJ started. "No. You- I can't fucking believe this. She's my sister man!" Simon shouted, I flinched. "Simon we've been together for a while, this isn't something we chose. It just happened." I tried to soften the blow slightly. "What do you mean a while, how long?!" "Four months." JJ answered. "Four months! And you didn't think to tell me?!" I sighed "I was worried you'd react like this." "Well what do you expect when I find out my best friend's fucking my sister?!" My eyes widened. "It's not like that man. I love her." Simon's jaw dropped. "You love her?" JJ replied with a nod. "Oh."

"Hey guys! What's up?" Ethan burst through the door. "Uh, me and y/n were just telling Simon that we're together." JJ told him. "You what! Oh my god that's great! Isn't that great Simon!" He flung an arm round Simon's shoulder. Simon's face calmed "yea. I guess it is." A smile spread across my face. "I'm really happy for you too."

[r1poutmygvtz]

longgg ramble/vent/whatever's on my mind, idk man i'm tired and should probably schedule another therapy appointment soon

also this is kinda just all over the place, idk my thoughts are kinda scattered rn for some reason

(tws: mental health talk, sh, suicide attempts, od mention, ed, body issues, weed + alcohol talk, medicine misuse, childhood abuse, pet + family death mentions, possibly more idk if i missed one lmk and i'll tag it and put it up here)

my mental health right now is so fragile i don't understand, like obviously i know i'm depressed, i've been diagnosed for nearly two years now but i should've been much earlier, maybe that's why it got so bad, i don't even remember why i was diagnosed tbh, i think it was my first time back after like a year and a half maybe two years of not being in therapy and obviously a lot of shit happened, in that time that i went without therapy i tried to kms three times, had an alcoholic phase, and got addicted to weed

it was also sometime around my birthday i believe, which would make sense on why i got diagnosed, im always super depressed around my birthday, i mean i was expelled on my 13th, my great grandma died the day after my 14th and the day after that i tried to kms and that was the most traumatizing one and it took me over 2 years to be able to take the meds that i od'd on again without freaking out, i was literally so high i can't even remember my 15th, 4 days before my 16th i graduated (horrible for me, i had a panic attack everyday leading up to it for like 2 weeks straight) and 2 days after that my cat that i had since my 12th birthday died, so there's literally nothing enjoyable about my birthday and it feels more like a curse than anything

anyways, i've been the same since i was like 8 or 9, i was depressed and dreamt/wished i would die or get seriously hurt, maybe i just wanted my dad to care about me for once or maybe i did really just want to die, im not sure, i can't really remember my childhood, my therapist says i most likely have ptsd from the abuse which would explain the memory gaps and dpdr (depersonalization & derealization for those that don't know, the derealization is confirmed by my therapist btw just not the depersonalization but that's probably only because i didn't bring that up)

i think the most fucked up part is the fact it took me 16 years to find out the abuse was also physical, i spent the entire time before that thinking it was only verbal towards me and my siblings but i guess not, also apparently all the times me and my sister went to my neighbors/aunts house was because we were hiding from my dad, i thought we just went over to watch cartoons because we didn't have them at home, idk it was just weird for me to find out 7 years after it stopped, it doesn't really bother me all that much tbh my dad was already dead to me and i've been mostly no contact with him for almost 3 years now

also speaking of me as a kid, that's when a lot of my problems started, i was 9 almost 10 for the dpdr and 8 or 9 when i started hating my body, sh came in later tho i was like 10 or 11 when that started, i actually remember being like 9 and writing down everything i ate on a piece of paper, and when i was 10 i kept a notebook full of what i weighed in the morning and night and would see the difference in it, i also vividly remember asking my mom how many calories were in something from mcdonald's and she told me i was too young to be asking that so i just kinda stopped after that which obviously ended up coming back, i mean just look at my account

anyways yea i just hate how back and forth my mental health is, one day i could be doing great and think i'm amazing and unbelievably pretty and smart and ill try to better myself by getting sober and staying clean, then the next day i'll hate myself and consider going back to taking my meds throughout the day just so i was loopy and hardly able to process anything

tbh i do miss it a lot, i started back when i was heavily addicted to weed and would take my meds when i couldn't smoke, actually i used to take melatonin a bunch throughout the day so i could just pass out if anything happened that i didn't want to deal with (literally anything at all tbf) but that started to not work as well as i wanted so i turned to my meds, i'd take my nightly dose (50mg instead of the 20mg i was supposed to take) at like noon and would be loopy until it was time to actually take it, i didn't do it much tbh, my sisters bf caught on after the third or fourth time because i had just met his family for the first time that day and their dog tried to bite my face apparently and i didn't even react (didn't even realize it happened tbh) and he asked what was up with me and i told him bc i've known him forever, anyways yea he yelled at me to knock it off and went on about how it's gonna kill me if i kept doing it, so i did it like once after that and it's been months since i've done it again

it's kinda funny tho, those meds actually could've killed me regardless, i was supposed to take them three times a day but only really did once at school and i still got a bunch of the more serious side effects because i wasn't supposed to smoke while taking them but obv i did bc i was addicted, like breathing was hard, i nearly fainted all the time, my appetite was nonexistent, my heart was starting to mess up, like i literally thought i had a heart attack one day because the side effects were that bad and my mom and sister started looking up symptoms of POTS because that's what the side effects looked like, anyways i got taken off those months ago but i still have them somewhere and i'm fighting the urge to find and take them just so i have no appetite and so i'll sleep through the day

i think that's really all idk, there's more i was gonna say but i can't really remember plus this is already super long jfc, i don't expect anyone to actually read this, i just wanted it off my chest and i don't really trust talking to many people about this kinda stuff

[lastoneout]

Hey uh @ people with ME/CFS I got a question...

Everything I've read and heard about kinda seems to go hard on the idea that over-exerting yourself tends to lead to exhaustion that just never gets better at all no matter how long you rest after, and like I always assumed I didn't have it, because yeah overexerting myself tends to make me way more exhausted than is does other people and the exhaustion lasts like, a week or more sometimes, but it does eventually get better.

Like last weekend I went shopping for my birthday and also to an art gallery, and then I did a few small errands, and I conserved my energy as best I could, resting often, using mobility aids, ect, but I had to spend Mon-Fri in bed doing basically nothing aside from watching youtube, listening to music, and playing tetris because that was all I had the physical and mental energy to do. And granted that was dragged out a little because I had to go to the ER on Wednesday due to a migraine that got triggered by all this(bcs overexerting myself almost always triggers a migraine) and on Tuesday I sat in the car while we took my cat to the vet for a quick nail trim, but aside from that I just rested and even though I am feeling a bit better today I'm still just SO fucking tired and I know I'm going to have to take it easy for a few days more just to be sure I'm okay.

Which like, idk doesn't sound normal, that's for fucking sure, but I do know that with enough rest eventually I will return to my normal, which isn't everyone else's normal but is still normal enough that I can make myself easy meals and sit at my desk and talk to people and make phone calls and run errands without it killing me too badly.

But like idk my doctors seem convinced that I don't have any kind of autoimmune condition(although they haven't actually ran any tests they just keep insisting I'm not showing the signs of one and to keep up with physical therapy even when I tell them that just going clothes shopping for a few hours puts me on bedrest for the next 2-3 days) but idk again this does NOT seem normal. I legit feel SICK sometimes when I push myself too hard, like I think I'm coming down with a cold or something but it never actually turns into one, I just have that "eugh" sick feeling for a day or two and then it goes away once I've rested enough(also for clarification I never get any real cold/illness symptoms like a temperature and I mask literally everywhere and this ONLY happens after exertion so I don't think I'm actually getting sick). I also don't usually feel rested when I sleep but I always chalked that up to the insomnia more than anything?? But it does happen even when I have a good night's sleep with no tossing and turning or nightmares...

Anyway if anyone who does have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome could maybe explain to me what it's like for them I would appreciate it because idk what else could possibly be going on with me but I am so fucking tired of my doctors acting like there is nothing wrong. It might not be ME/CFS, and I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia so maybe this is all just that? So I also wouldn't mind if someone who has fibro can tell me if this is all just fibro stuff. But idk I just want to know for sure, you know? (If it helps in addition to the fibro I also have arthritis, hEDS, orthostatic Intollerance, and occipital neuralgia.)

[austinslounge]

I've been wrong about everything else, so I probably am wrong about my theory but here we go:

So I believe Austin broke up with her in late August. Right after the Canada trip. I think he was trying to make it through the summer and my guess was he didn't want to ruin a trip that was already planned.

But him missing her birthday wasn't that weird. For me it was all her family and friends rallying around her that seemed kinda sus. Like they were trying to make her feel better. Not to say her family wouldn't be there for her birthday but something seemed off. Like she was upset. She could've easily spent her birthday in NY with Austin if that's what she wanted. He wasn't filming yet and it's not like she isn't rich. But that ties into my suspicions that he broke up with her. So it wasn't an option.

Something was off with her at TIFF. I don't know if it was nerves or she was on something. But her need to hang onto Corey was weird. Deumoxi was at the afterparty and said Kaia was being protected that night. Like she was upset and her friends were rallying around her. Again, something that often happens when a break up occurs.

Then out of the blue comes these two L&S articles. Speculating about them having problems and Austin essentially wanting to end things. He's outgrown the relationship. Very similar to the article his team had put out there in May about them not having anything in common.

They hadn't been seen together in over a month. Kaia was in NY a few times but wasn't with Austin at any point. She was with Marcello. She was all over him. Two different occasions, she was with Marcello. She was acting like a single woman.

Then more articles come out speculating their relationship status. I'm sorry where there is smoke there is fire.

Austin had been busy working. Minding his business. Then he was needed for a pap walk to keep the break up rumors at bay. I think he'd be fine with the news coming out. but at the same time he's filming, so he doesn't need the stress of the break up coming out. Kaia did a lot of damage to her image and how people viewed her relationship with Austin the last few weeks.

Also the fact that nothing has changed in their demeanor either. If they had shown up together after a month and break up rumors soaring, looking happy and in love maybe people would buy it. But Austin is so done. He's just doing what he has to do to break away.

Just from what I've seen in past celebrity break ups. Often they've split before speculation even begins. But will go along with whatever plan their PR teams put in place. Austin and Kaia wouldn't be the first couple to be broken up and still have to act like they are together to keep up appearances.

Just a theory. Again where there is smoke there is fire. Saturday was way too much of a coincidence.

You know what girl? This is a good theory. You're not the only one who's had this theory. It does kind of make sense.

Also, the weight loss thing is very important to note as well. I don't think it's from the stress with Presley either, because he looks fine now, and I've heard that he's even been going to rehab.

We first noticed that Kaia was losing weight around July. It's now October, and she still looks frail. It's the thinnest she's ever been since dating Austin.

Idk about others, but I lost a ton of weight when going through a major relationship heartache and heartbreak.

Not to mention, they still look miserable with each other.

These things by themselves might not say much, but when you put all of these little things together, they do seem to paint a certain picture.

The fact that their teams haven't really said anything is very interesting.

Also, like you said, most celebrities have already broken up long before the official announcement comes out.

Many times, people can even just look at a couple and tell when it's on its last legs. I agree with you, where there's smoke, there's fire.

I'm just going to eat my popcorn like the rest of you all, and will see what happens btwn now and the end of this year.

All I know is, I don't think I can take another Gerber Family Holiday Trip in Cabo at the end of this year again. 😩

[naumin]

november updates

ok so i know november ended yesterday, i did think about titling this post december updates but i know december will be a whole different beast for me... just let me have this... it's been a really long time since i sat down and talked about all my recent projects and goings on!!!! so in case you missed what i've been up to, read on... :)

the free Laios/Marcille fanthology I organised is OUT!!! no tall towers to climb (https://naumin.itch.io/laimar) came out November 10th, and erm only 5 days later than scheduled... it's a big boy at 112 pages with contributions from 14 fans !! I had so much fun organising this and was really touched by the love and care ppl put into their works... fans are so powerful... it's free to download and read digitally or even print and bind your own copy (I am really excited to see your printed and bound copies if you have made them please dont hesitate to @ me...) I love books.. i love making books...

I don't have plans to organise a Volume II however I did start writing a post of my process to maybe help and encourage anyone else who'd like to start a project like this one. It got really lengthy though and I wasn't sure if it was helpful to anyone lol so when I have a minute I really gotta go and edit that thing down

also nobody asked me but the title is based on a poem by 12thc warrior poet Xin Qiji. i guess the tower reminded me of their dungeon misadventures hehe.

also did i mention it's FREE! !!!!!!!

7 months of subscribestar I've officially been making new posts on substar every single week since May ! It's been really fun tbh and I don't have plans of slowing down yet :) I really appreciate everyone who's visited and it makes a huge difference even just subscribing for 1 month or 2, just having that little extra to help out on months where I can't take as many commissions or I'm sick or away from home etc! You may have noticed I've added a tip jar tier ($2.5) for those who can't manage the $6 sketchbook tier... on principle I wanna make it lower but after fees it'd be zilch and I am kind of like if you have $2... maybe hold onto that. lol. maybe use that somewhere else. you can always make 1-time donations through substar or ko-fi (yeah, I have one...) my next projects...

Ballet Yuri Year One, the compilation book of one year of works on Ilze & Evangeline, whos 1st birthday was in September and I haven't had time to look at the files since October but I will look at them again soon-- last spot I left it, it was at least 30 pages... I think it will definitely be double that and could possibly be triple that (omg).

NERD SEX VOLUME III my annual NSFW sketchbook which traditionally comes out around January/February! I'm delusional that this one will be the simplest to put together and so it might be the next thing you see from me. It will be available for all subscribers as soon as it's ready. I also gotta remember to upload Nerd Sex I & II at the same time. for those who dont wanna subscribe, you can get 50% off Nerd Sex I & II in the meantime now :) also i forsee about 300% more lesbians in Nerd Sex III. It's the year of the dyke.

A collaborative NSFW anthology coming next year. This one has a longer production period to give everyone time to work and give me time to get organised lol. Hopefully you'll hear more about this one in the new year! It's for the boys and the ppl who love boys <3

the issues oh my god I've been having technical issues with my ipad the last month. I keep getting random lines and marks while drawing in procreate ! A lot of people said it could be my sweater or hand or case touching the screen while I draw but I don't think that is it, plus it's only started recently. It's not my pen and it's not my settings. it apparently COULD be a technical issue with my ipad model which would suck cuz I got this refurbished (from Apple still) so do i have like..... warranty? will they repair it for me :S? idk. I'll have to look into it though sooner or later cuz it's driving me bananas and slowing my output! AGH! I pray she heals on her own overnight. amen.

commissions I am NOT taking any new commissions in December (unless you are a $10 subscriber) but I am still doing the KISS YCH which also has a very cute wintery version up for this month only lol. same price! check it out if you wanna see your pookies under the mistletoe <3 would make a great present to you or someone u know...

alright that's all. thanks for reading my updates post. did anyone read this whole post besides me? thanks for being there for a while whilst i talked to myself before you presumably left and did something more fun and enriching. i love you.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas I'm sorry I've never sent an ask here but I literally do not know what to do.

So TW violence???

My dad passed away a year and a half (?) ago, and about a year ago my mom started dating this pretty young guy.

He was annoying. I thought maybe I was being biased but I didn't really mind my mom having a bf after my dad??? So I didn't think much of it and decided she's her own woman and can make her own choices, right? She deserves having some fun, especially after being about 3 years caring for my dad's sickness.

Well. My mom and this guy were on and off because he's a fucking idiot, as in, they'd just discuss stuff because they were both stressed about their own thing. For context, this guy divorced his wife and his wife took their kid (she was still 2yo) away from him, permiting no contact for over 2 or 3 months.

Well. He has the kid now (since they found out her grandma on her mother's side literally hits her. A two year old little girl, so he's obviously going for full custody). They had some big fight that I didn't really care about (since I always found him annoying). And my brother just told me (it's 2:30am, my brother told me @1) that he hit my mom, and that's the reason they fought

She's a social worker. She helps people (specially women & genderqueer people) get out of abusive situations, relationships (romatic, in contexts of work, etc)

And she just went over to his house, and is staying the night

And she told my cisgender, straight, 16yo younger (with violent tendencies classic from teen boys, somewhat??) brother about this and didn't tell me.

And I. I don't know. Should I be doing an intervention?? I don't want this guy at my mom's 50th birthday. I don't want him ever in this house again. I actually want him very far from my mom and my family in general.

But she's staying over, and she didn't tell me, and- he's not a violent guy, I think? But he hit her, and she went back, and I've been contemplating murder so often on the last couple weeks (2 times, one for the girl's grandma, and one for this guy- which is 2 times more often than usual??? And like, actually think about it, not just some hypothetical shit- and it's honestly worriesome)

I just want my mom to stop being an idiot (she knows by MEMORY the- all the things that happen in toxic/abusive relationships what are you even doing woman, I get that you're a victim but I've been telling you to break up with him for over three months –before I even knew this happened–)

Sorry that's err. A lot of text. There's just so much context and fuck I want my mom to cut ties there, so much, and I wish she trusted me with this, and- idk what to do at this point

Hi!

So I left this text because it's not detailed, but I'm going to TW my response because it's my own personal experience. So TW- abuse

First, we don't murder people. Ever.

Second, I think the thing with abuse is you don't realize you've gotten pulled into the cycle until it's far too late. Abusers are charismatic and are great at lovebombing and AMAZING at telling you it'll never happen again and then immediately doing it again. The cycle of abuse, in my experience, is like quicksand. It's almost impossible to get out of.

It's also super embarrassing. Because even as the logical, independent part of you knows it's wrong, you still stay. You tell yourself it won't happen again, or that you'll leave next time. And then you don't. And you feel SO unworthy and shameful and unloved, because the abuser convinces you that you don't deserve anything better.

All this to say, I think the best way to tackle this would be to talk to one of your mom's close friends or family members. Share your concerns. Because concerns coming from her child are just going to make her feel defensive and probably angry and she's not going to listen. She might listen to an adult.

Also please don't take it personally that your mom didn't tell you. People who are abused should NOT feel shame, but trust me when I tell you that it's so hard to tell people because it just makes you feel about 2cm tall.

I'm sorry that you're going through this and I'm so glad you recognize the signs of abuse <3 Naming you trusted anon

[oh-saints]

Hello!! Love how you write angst, could you maybe write a one shot for either mason mount or martin ødegaard, where you have been dating for a couple of years and suddenly he starts being nervous around reader and she thinks that he is going to ask her to move in but he breaks up with her because he starts thinking that she should be with someone that can give her all their time and not being in the spotlight and then idk ajajajaj

Maybe they call them when they are drunk or they get hurt in a match and they call her or something where they hace to face each other or something

Omg this is long ajajajajaj hope you like my idea and it inspires you to write something, I know anything we got from you will be nice :)

hi nonny!! sorry it's only now i can write this request of yours. i hope i'm not too late? ;-)

but since i'm writing an angst-y series for mason, here may i present you something for our favourite young captain that i've been working on the past week...

ghost

it’s true what people say when they tell you to wrap up your unfinished business first. you’re just too blind to see the big, fat ass flag that’s waving as red as your boyfriend’s kit.

martin ødegaard x you tw: insecurity + cheating wc: 3.3k note: this is just a fiction ok i'm just in the mood to make devil out of everyone lolol this actually hits a bit too close to home but I need to let it out, so here we are. I don’t support cheating whatsoever btw, so remember to break it up good first things first 😉but as usual, I happen to write at dawn so it’s not beta-read yet. songs: almost is never enough - nathan sykes, ariana grande & midnight rain - taylor swift

“are you engaged or something that I don’t know of?”

it wasn’t often your best friend paid you a call, considering her florist business was thriving and all and they were now rather short-staffed. so when her name flashed over the screen of your phone, you didn’t think twice to excuse yourself out of your office to pick up her call.

but you didn’t think she’d fire you that question. sure, you’d been dating your boyfriend since the early days of his arrival to the north side of london and things had been going stable between you two. sure, you’d talked about the more serious part of your relationship, such as what if you both get married and all. but that was it—none of you discussed more than that, what ifs.

you wouldn’t turn down the opportunity if given, though.

“uh, no? why are you asking?”

“shit,” your friend muttered under her breath. “promise me, first. don’t tell him it comes from me, okay?”

the more your friend gave you disclaimer like that, the more your heart’s palpitation grew rapid. “as if I’d throw my best friend under the bus.”

she laughed at your lame attempt to hide your nervousness. your voice tended to reach an octave higher when you did so. “martin ordered so many peonies for the weekend.”

peony is your favourite flower, you’d told martin that a long while ago—to which martin utilised the information for every of your anniversary bouquet, along with every time your birthday came up. but he never orders for peony on ordinary days because he thinks it defeats the purpose of presenting you everything special on particular days.

and this weekend was the last game of the season, a mark to officially begin your summer break, which is always the time you both look forward to because in between martin’s constant flying schedules and your 9-5 hectic schedule, it’s always nice to have one or two week(s) secluding yourself from the entire world, spending day and night only with your boyfriend.

you had to take a deep breath to slow down your pounding heart. can it be?

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

see you on the weekend, baby.

martin wasn’t supposed to be smiling this wide. he wasn’t even supposed to smile at all. because despite the sweet moniker, the sender wasn’t his own girlfriend of a little more than two years. worse, the sender had even been deprived of every right to call him by endearments since that painful moment she broke up with him, right when he informed her that there was a better opportunity for him in london.

logically, he was supposed to hate her with all his might—how could he stand someone who didn’t support his growth and development as a young football player? how could he stand someone who only crawled back to him when he was now an up-and-coming name in the football world?

logically, he was supposed to come back home straight from the training ground instead of ordering a bunch of flowers for the next time he met her. why did he feel obliged to bring her a handful of flowers? where did this feeling come from?

martin wasn’t one to understand flowers, anyway. he only bought flowers for special occasions, and that was also because he’d gotten the information yourself about your favourite flower. so why was he purchasing something he didn’t possess the knowledge of, to begin with?

but logic seemed to have escaped the most level-headed person under mikel arteta’s team since the ghost of his past decided to appear before him last week.

“martin, you should know that I’m very sorry for what I’ve done,” she started explaining, and the moment she reached for martin’s hands over the table was the moment his resolve crumbled apart. “I wasn’t thinking straight and I was too foolish to want you all for myself. but I’ve grown up, for you, so that I can be someone you need by your side.”

martin should naturally ask for an evidence, or anything to convince him that she had indeed become better for him, had turned into someone she believed he needed. martin should ask what she had become—could she be like you, the one who put shattered pieces of him together and glued him back to his old self?

martin should prove it himself if this very lady in front of him, who’d inflicted more pain than logically accepted, was a better fit to be his other half than you. hell, martin should’ve even proved it himself that she was no better than you, period. so why did his hand now get tangled with hers, reciprocating the light squeeze she gave him over the table?

why did he think she deserve at least a chance to explain herself?

ironic, really, when his gaffer picked martin to be the captain of his team himself solely for martin’s extraordinary football iq.

＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊＊✿❀○❀✿＊

landed! can’t wait to see you! xx where are you?

“martin, baby,” martin jumped in his place, his phone almost fell off his hands, as the sultry voice he loved—and he discovered that he still loves it all the same—tried to lure him back to bed. “what are you doing? come back here,”

the pristine white sheet of the hotel slid down her chest as she sat up, beautiful in between the mess he made of her—her now-tangled hair, purple spots down her neck and chest, red marks down her arms and thighs—and martin’s heart broke into two. one at the revelation at how much he’d missed this sight of her, the other at the fact he needed to leave this behind because he still had you to come back to.

you, who’d been waiting for him at the airport for two hours now, because he forgot about picking you up from your business trip. something he never did during the time you both spent together.

you, who would be waiting for him in his house later, ready to spill everything you went through during your business trip, because you know martin was a good listener and never a judgemental one. because you know martin would always have your back.

you, who had loved him before his name, who have loved him through the calm and the storm of a football season, who always love him no matter wins or loses, and who promises to always love him through thins and thicks.

something came up at the training ground. I’m sorry I can’t pick you up myself.

martin’s heart plopped down the plush carpet as he pressed send, for reasons he didn’t want to acknowledge right now. not when a pair of arms managed to snake its way to his waist, eliminating the distance between martin and her in no time and they were now skin to skin, and good lord, was it not satisfying to have no barrier between them.

martin’s heart plopped down to the deepest part of hell, perhaps, when he felt his phone vibrated in his hand—the one that wasn’t busy moulding his body to fit the vixen in his arms—and saw the immediate response you replied him with.

alright, good luck with that. see you at home! xx

you, whose love martin had betrayed. consciously so.

“do you still love her?” was the question the woman martin believed as siren incarnated, fired off as soon as she saw him dressing up, ready to leave her behind in this luxury confinement they called five-star hotel.

brave, martin got to give her that. it was the very question martin kept asking himself as he laid awake last night, facing the ceiling while listening to the sound of her gentle breathing, tickling against the skin just an inch from his pecks. her flimsy finger was ghosting yet so palpable, just like your existence—resting there waiting to be acknowledged, like the elephant in the room.

funny how it was his favourite position of yours since the first night you slept together, for it reminded him of her touch, the very touch he’d lost because she was a selfish human being.

yet, martin was currently the one selfish beyond possible combination of words.

but somehow, martin was even braver for responding her when he himself wasn’t sure he could answer his own question.

“I’d be lying if I say I don’t, søta,” he donned his jacket before he leaned down, claiming her lips once more—for what, he didn’t know. to satisfy himself? to soothe the impending thirst that’d been building up unknowingly since she left him? to boost his confidence and justify himself that he was about to do the right thing? “and probably a part of me always will.”

the woman frowned in the way martin was supposed to hate her—she was the reason he’d grown to hate frowny, clingy women—but instead, he shot down a well-placed kiss that she reciprocated in the same fervour, obvious to tell him that she didn’t like sharing. her hands pulled him down further the bed, trying to lull him back to her arms, just like siren personified, and martin laughed in between their heated exchange.

“I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“what if you never come back?” the woman refused to let go of him, hugging him tightly like a koala to his tree. “what if you suddenly realise you love her more?”

“it’s clear to see I don’t love her that much anymore, no?” martin swept the brown locks that reminded him of milky chocolate fondue. sweet, silky, smelt as nice as it looked, as he plucked off one of the peony petals he’d showered her with. “not enough to make me stay with her, anyway.”

martin even surprised himself by saying such words. he didn’t know he was capable of that, he didn’t know how he could have it in him. but if he thought that was surprising, he certainly wouldn’t hold a candle against himself for the things he did—or maybe, had done—to you.

you, whose entire world martin shattered. consciously so, since the moment you parted yourself from the embrace you enveloped him with but whose warmth wasn’t returned.

“what’s wrong?”

he knew it wasn’t easy. it was never easy to be with you since the very beginning anyway—you gathering his broken pieces, you swiping off all of his insecurities and assuring him that you’d wait for him till he wiped off all traces of her, you hiding off your identity so you wouldn’t drag him down in any way possible—but martin didn’t expect them to be very difficult, disclosing all his sins and admitting his faults.

admitting she wasn’t the only one in his heart.

worse, admitting she was never the only one since the start.

“was the emergency that bad at work?”

martin wanted to scream at her, telling her off that she wasn’t supposed to think the better of him, not after everything he’d done to her and their relationship. martin wanted to scream at her, telling her to be the bad guy for once for putting herself first. martin wanted to scream at her, telling her to live happily without him because she didn’t deserve him.

“don’t look at me like that, martin,” your eyes were as clear as always, and martin’s heart broke once more for you and every of the emotions displayed in your eyes. you were scared of him, of how cold he was being around you, and martin’s heart broke because you had been nothing but warm to him. “what’s wrong?”

you didn’t look any different to him at that moment, still lovable and looked very much like his, in every sense of the word. yet he was no longer yours, in every sense of the word. that was what went wrong.

“nothing,” martin acted the way the word implied. martin acted like nothing was wrong, as he kissed the top of your head and slid his hand into yours. “how was your trip?”

“I just wish you were there,” other days, your words would warm him up—the way your presence always succeeded to—but today, as you didn’t grasp back his hand, you meant every single word that escaped your mouth. “too bad, you know?”

too bad, indeed, my love. what if you stayed? what if she wasn’t here? martin thought inwardly as he poured the risotto he was making.

too bad, indeed, my love. because you’re gone already the moment you come home. you thought inwardly as you received the only dish he’d serve you by far because cooking had always been your thing.

too bad, indeed, as the risotto started turning as cold as the long withstanding iceberg in the form of white marble countertop separating you two. too bad, indeed, as the risotto was beyond salvageable even if you tried resurrecting it with every kind of heat earth could produce.

but neither of you moved, so different to the silent dance you both had been doing around the room. yet everything around you two was as loud as obnoxious bunch of drunkards watching the netflix show playing in your living room.

“you know I love you, right?”

the deep breath he let out indicated everything but, and you had never felt so alone in a room full of him. you were left alone, behind a four-wall full of him—his scent, his words, his voice—with nothing but abundance of confusion in your hands. it was, more often than not, your job to declare you love to him, instead of the other way around like this, so what changed?

“I love you,” yet martin couldn’t look straight into your eyes. “but I’m sorry.”

the confusion in your eyes were still evident and martin’s heart broke for you once more because he knew you didn’t deserve any of this. of him, of what he did, of how he’d been treating you. a small doubt crept in for a millisecond—what if he could fix this?—but he buried them down once more because you deserved this from him, an ending as respectable as you are.

“I love you too.”

no, no, you don’t get to say that. you’re not supposed to say that. you were supposed to throw him a thousand questions why he said sorry to you, contradicting his rather fake declaration of love for you.

“I forgive you.”

martin’s head had never snapped that fast, this time it was him that couldn’t hide his bewilderment. of all scenarios he had in his head, what you just did was never in his card. “you don’t know what I did.”

“I don’t care,” you squared your shoulders, and martin knew you meant your words then. you were so full of love and compassion, and it was why martin decided to forget her to be with you, but now martin wanted to run away for how hard life had come to bite his ass. “I love you. I forgive you.”

“I slept with another person,” and he noticed the slight tremble on those strong shoulders that overcame you. there, he needed that. he needed you to know, to feel, to see reality. “I cheated on you. I want to say that I’m sorry every time and every chance I can but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

you had gone through the worst obstacles there was on this earth—tower of terror, skydiving at palm jumeirah, being struck by lightning. you had gone through even worse obstacles—you’d seen your parents divorced before your eyes, you’d seen your friend took his life in front of you. yet nothing was as painful as the joke martin just threw in your face. you could even brave yourself for a guillotine if given the chance.

anything but the lemon your boyfriend just handed over your open wound. clean-cut and straight to the point.

“you said you love me.”

“I do,” martin replied immediately, as if he was sure of it. as if he was sure that loving you was the right thing to do when he’d just committed the wrong thing to do. “that’s why I’m sorry I did what I did.”

“with who?”

“you don’t want to know who.”

but with martin’s answer, it didn’t take you another second to figure out the woman in question. and you regretted asking immediately because you knew it’d be better if you didn’t know. you could even truly forgive him for what he did, as long as it wasn’t her. knowing who the partypooper was always a better option, because not being able to place a face to a name was always better.

but now you knew about it, and you didn’t have time to save your fragile heart from a heavy rain of sharp knives, endlessly stabbing your open wound to enlarge it even more, giving space for another knife to launch itself to a bleeding heart. you didn’t have time to hide your pain, as tears slowly escaped your eyes.

“why?” you gathered every of your remaining energy to sound brave as you faced your losing battle. “what did I do wrong?”

you needed to know because you’d been doing only the right thing. nothing less than perfect for your boyfriend.

martin wanted to know too because you’d been nothing short of what he needed.

“I’m sorry,” you stopped yourself when martin didn’t give you a response, then you gathered yourself again as you reciprocated his strong gaze. as best as you could anyway. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t enough—”

“no, no—”

“tell me what I can do to fix this, martin,” you pursed your lips, holding back the tears left unshed. “we can still fix this. just… please don’t leave me.”

“please don’t do this…” martin sighed because while he knew you’d always fight for what you believe in, he didn’t know it would bring him a big boomerang instead. “I’ve hurt you. staying with me will hurt you more and that’s the last thing I want for you.”

but that was the last straw for you, the look on his face. he spared you a look of sympathy, an emotion you rather detested because you weren’t a charity case. so you cried, this time not because of the lost cause in your relationship. you cried for yourself, because while you were displaying your desperate frustrations to amend the broken bridges, you addressed such wave of emotion to the wrong person.

“what did I do wrong?”

“it’s not you,” martin wanted to hug you—he still hated seeing you cry—but he knew it wasn’t his place anymore to comfort you. he’d deprived himself of the exclusive right in lieu of another set of different luxurious rights. “it’s never your fault.”

but martin never said it was his, either.

[fallingforel]

Hi!! I was wondering if you could do numbers 5, 23, 62, 63, and 69 from your prompt list with like the reader being part of one direction and Harry dating her, and she falls for brad from the vamps. Like could it be angst between Harry and the reader where they’re together but then he cheats on her with someone (idk any celebrity or something like he dated Taylor at one point I think) and she goes to Brad and they’re friends but he’s been in love with her since forever and he comforts her and they get together. Also just make Harry completely regret everything if you can (I live for the cheating with no second chance trope, it’s amazing ❤️) thank you so much!! Have a great day!

A/N hi my lovely here it is for you, hope you enjoy and I hope you like it. dont forget those that want to request one the prompt list is here

1,548 words

PROMPTS 5, 23, 62, 63 AND 69: "you made your choice" "they didn't deserve you" "you think that this is easy for me" "I hate seeing you like this" "I don't like you...I love you"

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It was a well known fact that I was the 6th member and only girl in one direction, I was also dating harry from my band, on the outside things looked squeaky clean and it looked like we had a perfect relationship but we didn't we fought all the time, Harry was always jealous because I was best mates with Brad from the vamps, Brad and I have been lifelong friends as we both resided from the same part of Birmingham and we also went to school together. It wasn't my fault that I've always gotten along better with boys than I have with girls they were just easier to talk to and the fact that they weren't snakes behind my back.

So you could imagine Harry's reaction when I told him brad was coming tonight, even if he tried to hide it in the best way possible. I still noticed. It was hard not to, however we hadn't had a fight in three weeks and I wasn't about to start one now, I had just finally hoped that we were in an all right place.

"Brads coming tonight. He's in town got a show tomorrow, thought he'd pop by then celebrate with us as the end of this leg is today, was thinking we could go to his show tomorrow"

"mmh, yeah, be nice I 'spose"

"Yeah it would, come on we've got to get ready, we've got a show to perform"

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And the show went spectacularly well, I was at my happiest when I was on the stage with my band, with my fans screaming my name it was the most supportive feeling in the world, and I loved every second of it.

Now we were back in our dressing rooms ready to go out, It wasn't often we went out while on tour we'd only ever do it for special things like birthdays, end of legs or if someone new joined our team halfway through. Tonight though, we were celebrating the end of the leg of the tour we were currently on, zayn left a couple of months ago. And with Harry and I on rocky ground we all secretly knew that the band was coming to an end, we were all scared to admit it though, too afraid to say it out loud because then it would all become real.

I'm broken out of my thoughts by a knock on the door, which makes me wipe away the tears I didn't even realise were there, before I'm saying "COME IN" and I'm met with Harry peeping round the door

"Hey, hey. why are you crying my love? What's the matter?" "The bands breaking up isn't it?" "no? what makes you think that sweetheart?" "I mean, with Zayn leaving, you and I on rocky terms, we're all not the same people we were 5 years ago Harry, the bands dynamic doesn't fit anymore"

"Yes okay, zayn may have left, You and I may be on bad terms some of the time and yes maybe we have all changed, but nobody stays the same, it's pretty hard to do that darling, otherwise you wouldn't grow up. The dynamic still works all the same though. So for now, dry your tears, get a fit dress on and lets take our minds off this band breaking up nonsense"

And I do as he tells me joining them shortly in the addison lee taking us into the main part of london, so we could go to a night club. I was sat inbetween Harry and Brad and could feel the tension rising, more so from Harry than brad, Harry was being weirdly possesive with me and it didnt feel in a good way, like it usually does.

Soon arriving at the nightclub we all head inside and Louis takes Harry to the bar to get some drinks for all of us, even he could sense the tension meaning it was bad.

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"you did great tonight, y/n/n. Smashed it, if only you could've heard the chanting for your name. It was unreal honestly." Brad says from beside me perking me out of my daydream of nothing in particular.

"awwh, Braddy. You're sweet you" I say placing a kiss on his cheek as a thank you. I've always called Brad, braddy ever since we were in nappies because I was never able to pronounce my L's I soon learned, the name stuck around though.

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Having not seen Harry since he went to the bar, and hasn't come back since, It's been well over half an hour now, so I was getting pretty worried. So I decided to ask around if anybody has seen him.

"LOU! You haven't seen Harry have you? Haven't seen him since we got here." "No I haven't. Last I saw him was at the bar, said he was going back to you, that was about fifteen minutes ago" "thanks lou."

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10 minutes later Niall comes up to me interuptting the conversation I was having with Brad I had given up trying to find him he clearly didn't want to be found, "I heard you were looking for Harry, I found him, but you're not going to like it" "what Niall, where is he" "mens bathroom, that way" he says turning to point me in the direction of where the mens bathroom is.

Walking into the mens bathroom, I found a sight I didn't want to see, Harry going down on a girl, the girl that wasn't me. "OH WOW!" I shout earning both his and the girls attention. "y/n/n, baby-" "don't you baby me Harry, it is so clear what you think about me." "who the fuck are you?" the girl quips back at me. "his girlfriend honey, actually no his ex-girlfriend. Keep him he's yours he was a slag anyway" "oh thats rich coming from you y/n, I saw you getting close with Brad, a little kiss on the cheek" "we've always been that way and you fucking know it" "oh but it's so easy for you breaking up with me though isn't it, now you can run away with the btec version of me cause it's clear you have a type don't you" "YOU THINK THAT THIS IS EASY FOR ME? YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU? WELL I DON'T HARRY OKAY?, BUT ITS CLEAR WHAT YOU'VE CHOSEN, goodbye Harry, I'll see you soon for the american leg." is the last thing I say before I walk out of the men's bathroom and back to where Brad was sat.

"Y/n? are you okay?" is all he says before I break down crying and he wraps an arm around me. And an executive decision is made between the two of us that he's going to take me back to his for the night.

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In the taxi on the way back, I'm still crying and he still has an arm around me. "

what even happened? why are you crying?"

"Harry cheated on me" is all I can muster out before I'm a blubbering mess again

"I hate seeing you like this Y/n all I know right now is that he didn't deserve you, he never has but I've always been supportive of your relationship always been the shoulder to cry on because I'm your best friend and always will be here, and you know that"

And soon enough I'm on Brads sofa, with Brad laying down giving me a hug.

"you want to say something dont you?" I speak up breaking the silence between me and him. "yeah I do, and I don't care if it's the incorrect time, or what but I have to say it now, otherwise I never will, I dont like you y/n I love you, and I have for the longest time, and if you need time to heal I'm okay with that I can wait a little while longer for you darling" he says shocking me to my core, I will admit I always loved Brad, and I don't think I ever stopped not liking him I just think Harry was a distraction while I was away from him.

"oh brad, I love you too" Is the last thing I say before I'm pulled into a kiss from him and we make our way upstairs to his bed where we both reside for the night wrapped up in eachother and if we were to get stuck into each other as well, then that's nobody's business but our own

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KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

we're both awoken to a pounding on Brads door, so we both rush down and he answers it, revealing a disheveled Harry who looks like he hadn't slept. He tries to enter but brad pushes him back with the door "she doesn't want to speak to you Harry, You really fucked it this time" "please just hear me out y/n. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cheat, I love you so so so so much"

"You made your choice Harry, please just go. I don't want you here, just please leave, be better on yourself" which I was met back with silence and then the turn of footsteps up brads gravel drive was all that could be heard.

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end.