#and I'm posting this at an odd hour because I just finished it so why not

[merlinemryspendragon]

A unicorn is pure of heart. If you kill one, you must make amends. Arthur was willing to sacrifice his life to save yours. He has proven what is truly in his heart. Merlin S1E11 “The Labrynth of Gedref”

[awearywritersworld]

men are so quick to blame the gods

ryomen sukuna x reader summary: your boyfriend is a heavy sleeper, leaving you to form an unlikely relationship with the curse occupying his body during the late hours of the night. w/c: 2.6k tags/warnings: enemies to lovers. angst/fluff. aged up!yuuji. sa is mentioned but it's pretty much just sukuna saying he doesn't condone it. heavy kissing. obvi features yuuji x reader but it's not at all the focus. cursing. sukuna calls you kitten. i'd like to think he's not too ooc in this but im probably delusional. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. no manga spoilers. a/n: am i rehabbing our handsome vicious psychopath? yes<3 loosely inspired by this post (features manga spoilers) of him being v beautiful and poetic series masterlist // masterlist

humans have always irritated the king of curses— pathetic little vermin scurrying around, utterly oblivious to their own weakness.

so it came as quite a shock to him when he awoke after over a millenia, only to find himself trapped inside the body of some teenaged brat.

nearly 7 years later and he's positive there isn't a person he despises more in the universe. not even the cocky six eyes wielder can elicit sukuna's fury the way itadori yuuji so easily does.

that's why he resolved early on to kill his vessel's pretty little girlfriend, an act he hopes might satiate his spite. he's positive nothing would devastate yuuji more.

luckily for you, life has a funny way of working.

you and yuuji are standing at an intersection in the city, the pink-haired man staring at his phone as he tries to piece together the directions to a new sushi restaurant you've been wanting to try.

when the pedestrian sign on the other side of the street blinks, you step out onto the pavement without checking for oncoming traffic.

"what the-" yuuji's confused voice fills your ears just as a rough hand wraps around your wrist, yanking you backward violently.

a car barrels through the spot you'd just been standing, the driver clearly not paying attention to the traffic signal. you look back just in time to see harsh black marks fading from your boyfriend's arm, though the rest of his body has seemingly remained unblemished.

it's an odd sensation for yuuji because he's never lost control to sukuna in such a manner. he doesn't dwell on it long though, as anger blossoms in his chest.

"do not touch her," he scolds the curse occupying his body.

a mouth appears on his cheek and scoffs. "sure. i'll just let her die next time."

"it's okay, yu," you interject before he can retaliate. "thanks, sukuna. i, uh, appreciate it."

he grumbles something incomprehensible, his mouth quickly disappearing. your boyfriend looks at you bemused, but you only shrug. the fact that yuuji had lost control to sukuna doesn't make you feel nervous or threatened. you're grateful that he kept you from being run over, albeit a bit surprised.

as you continue your walk to the the sushi restaurant, you find yourself not quite able to meet yuuji's eye because... well... you haven't exactly been forthright regarding your relationship with the king of curses.

the first night it happens, you're laying in bed eagerly finishing the final volume of a manga you've been reading. yuuji is fast asleep and has been for hours, though you're used to being the night owl in the relationship.

you keep wiping at your eyes, the cheerful ending tugging at your heartstrings and tying the story together in a beautiful way.

"can you stop with your incessant sniveling? this idiot's brain is so rarely quiet and you're ruining it."

you look over to see the eye beneath your boyfriend's is open, staring at you scornfully.

"can you fuck off?" your tone is obviously meant to mock him. "i'm finishing one of my favorite mangas and you're ruining it."

"need i remind you of your place, brat?" he sneers. "it's dreadfully wretched, crying because you don't like the ending to some stupid story."

"since you're so clearly invested, i'll have you know i'm crying because i do like it."

"..and here i thought you couldn't get any more pathetic."

your eye twitches in annoyance. "just because you're mad about being stuck in 'some idiot human's body' doesn't mean you have to go around projecting your feelings of inadequacy onto other people."

you move your hand to cover the mouth on your boyfriend's cheek before sukuna can respond, hissing out in pain just a moment later.

"oh my god, you actually bit me." you inspect the teethmarks on your palm in disbelief.

"just wait until i win control of this body— the punishment you deserve for such insolence. you'd better hope you're miles away, but even then—"

"holy shit, enough already. i'll go to sleep. enjoy your peace and quiet," you growl angrily, flipping off the lamp and turning away from him. for some reason, you still find yourself mumbling, "good night."

sukuna's eye widens before promptly closing, the silence hanging in the air heavily. it's the longest conversation he's had in years and the first casual pleasantry he's heard in a millenia. he tries to feel satisfied that he got what he wanted in the end, before returning to his quiet solitude.

over the next few months, your late nights are graced somewhat frequently by the king of curses. he mainly complains— the friends you hung out with earlier were annoying, the tv's too loud, it took yuuji twenty minutes to exorcise a curse that sukuna could have dealt with in seconds.

it doesn't bother you nearly as much anymore and he's no longer able to get under your skin like he did that first night. it seems as if he's losing his touch, or perhaps he just isn't trying as hard.

it's around one in the morning, a book resting in your lap while your boyfriend snores softly beside you. sukuna's eye pops open, peering over at the text. "you're reading homer?"

your body jerks, startled by his sudden question, but you recover soon thereafter. "yeah, were you two friends or something?"

"no, you fool," he derides. "he lived far before my time."

though you don't comment on it, you find it amusing that your sarcasm had gone over his head. "oh, you're right. how silly of me to think you had friends."

"such profound witticism. i can hardly contain myself."

you sneak a glance over to find he's narrowed his eye at you and you actually giggle. "sorry."

it doesn't dawn on you how bizarre the interaction is, but sukuna abruptly realizes that something feels different. not once before tonight had he made you laugh.

he pushes the thought from his mind. "i did, however, indulge in his works during the heian period."

"really?" you perk up. it's not often you give him your full attention. "what'd you think?"

"i suppose i liked him well enough. one of my favorite lines comes from the poem you're reading."

you motion your hand for him to continue. "well don't be shy. i'm sitting here with bated breath."

he rolls his eye, but speaks nonetheless.

"men are so quick to blame the gods— they say that we devise their misery..." you realize for the first time how gruff his voice is, the deep reverberations sending a shudder down your spine. "but they themselves, in their depravity, design grief greater than the griefs that fate assigns."

his eye flickers between each of yours before you look back to your book, fiddling with the corner of the page. you're suddenly feeling rather shy. "does that mean you think humans are even crueler than you?"

he muses over your question briefly.

"if i recounted how men would flee the villages i burned, leaving their families behind in a selfish attempt to save themselves.. who would you find more revolting?

you swallow nervously. "i.. i don't know."

"what if i told you of the men who would eagerly offer their wives and daughters to me, hoping i'd spare them.. who would you deem more wicked?"

you're so busy avoiding his gaze that you don't see the way he carefully regards you. a question you're unsure you want the answer to tumbles from your lips before you can stop it. "did you accept? the.. the husbands' offers—"

"no," he responds. "i have little interest in unwilling partners."

"oh. well that's, um, good."

he hums in response, leaving you to process everything he's told you.

"you should stop," you blurt out eventually.

"stop what?"

"being nice to me." you wouldn't normally consider discussing literature then reminiscing about the egregious stories of his past life particularly kind, but then again, it is sukuna you're speaking with. "it's weird."

he rolls his eye again. "you're hardly in any position to be giving me orders, you insufferable brat."

"see? that's much better."

"why are you crying?" his tone is even, conveying neither annoyance or concern. truthfully, he has no idea what compelled him to ask in the first place.

you don't answer, hoping he'll leave you alone. you really don't have it in you tonight, even if sukuna's been much more tolerable recently. it's been weeks since you finished reading homer's epic poem.

the moon is already setting and it's just a few days before your date at the sushi restaurant.

when you sniffle again, he calls your name. you don't register that he doesn't say brat or idiot. it's the first time he's used your actual name.

"w-what do you want?"

"i seem to recall asking you a question."

you're laying on your side, facing away from yuuji and by extension, sukuna.

"i'm not crying," you declare.

sukuna briefly wonders why he's stuck dealing with you while yuuji sleeps, but his inward 'annoyance' is half hearted. "you're an awful liar."

you exhale and turn to look at him. the only light in the room is coming from the tv, but it's enough that he can see you clearly. "sometimes.. i can't help but worry about the execution."

yuuji has told you countless times that gojo has a plan, that he won't let anything happen, but you know what the higher ups are capable of.

and while it's down right shameful, you know that much, it's not only your boyfriend you worry about these days. sukuna's become so commonplace in your life, you almost look forward to talking with him at night.

"the thought of losing yuuji... of losing.. you.. it scares me," you murmur.

your words stir up feelings he's never once experienced and it's confusing to him. "i'd have figured you'd at least be pleased to be rid of me."

"well, i-i kind of thought we were friends now," you share without thinking.

"don't flatter yourself."

he regrets the words as soon as they come out of his mouth and the guilt he feels as he watches your face fall is unbecoming of a being so powerful. you apologize meekly, shifting (too late) to hide your hurt.

he can't remember a moment in which he's hated being trapped in his vessel's god forsaken body more. he wants to reach out to you, even if the idea feels entirely foreign to him.

but he can't, so he just sighs. "if you think i'm going to let a few feebleminded sorcerers execute me and the brat, you're even more foolish than i thought."

you peer at him, the smallest smile gracing your lips when you realize that's probably as close to an apology as sukuna would ever get.

"promise?"

for fuck's sake. he feels utterly pathetic. completely deplorable. laughable, even—

"yes," he states impassively. "now go to sleep."

"okay." your smile is just a little wider as your fingertips brush the spot below his eye and above his mouth. you wonder if he can even feel it. "good night, sukuna."

"...night, brat."

less than a week after sukuna saves your life at the intersection, yuuji kisses you goodbye as he heads out to a mission. he assures you he'll be early tonight, as he only has to exorcise a semi-grade one cursed spirit in roppongi.

though things don't go quite as planned because in addition to the semi-grade, he finds himself standing before two special grades. he manages to defeat one of the special grades, but the other two leave him badly hurt, his breathing labored.

he has to beg sukuna to switch out with him. the king of curses hasn't forgotten his promise to you and he's no fool— it's clear this is an ambush by the higher ups— but he'll be damned if he wasn't going to have a little fun with the brat first.

he makes quick work of the curses, each of them going rigid with fear as soon as he appears, and it soon becomes apparent that yuuji is too weakened to take back control of his body just yet.

at last, sukuna has his long yearned for freedom and a new world at his fingertips, but there's just one problem... all he wants to do is find you.

when the lock to your apartment clicks, your eyes shift to the door, an excited grin on your face. you can't hide your shock when it isn't your boyfriend that steps inside.

you don't say anything at first, simply following his frame across the room as he approaches you. he leans against the wall a few feet away from where you're sitting on the couch, folding his arms across his chest.

"seems your concerns about the execution weren't unwarranted."

"w-what?!" you exclaim, rising to your feet and taking a step toward him. "what happened?"

he relays the story to you, emphasizing how 'unimpressive' yuuji's power was and how 'terribly simple' it was for him to finish the job his vessel couldn't.

you narrow your eyes at him, only half joking when you ask, "what are you doing here, then? shouldn't you be off pillaging tokyo or something?"

he chuckles. "such a dark mind you have. it wounds me to hear you assume the worst of me."

you bite your lip to hide your smile. "just figured it'd save time."

he closes the space between you and though you can feel the heat radiating from his body, you don't shy away from him. instead, your eyes trail over the dark lines adorning his face and chest.

he reaches up and your breath catches in your throat when the back of his fingers ghost over your neck. his nails graze your skin and a sly smirk forms on his face. "aren't you frightened? it'd be all too easy to kill a little thing like you."

"but you won't."

he can't tell if your assuredness pisses him off, but it certainly makes his heart rate pick up. his hand now occupies the space where your neck meets your shoulder, his touch surprisingly gentle. "what has you so convinced?"

"well you saved me, didn't you? and.. and you kept your promise."

he hums in response and your hand seems to act of its own accord when it reaches up to rest atop his. any lingering sense of amusement is gone in an instant, the air now fraught with tension.

"so why are you here, sukuna?" you murmur.

the king of curses has never known goodness. he's wrought untold destruction and misery, his name inspiring fear even after millenia. he's a legend— a god, even— yet here you are staring up at him and he swears the look in your eyes is almost tender.

"i don't know."

"and you had the nerve to call me an awful liar."

you know you're taking a risk when you lean up and press your lips to his. he freezes for a moment before his mouth begins to move against yours tentatively. his arm stays at his side, so you grab his hand, moving it to your waist.

it's as if that flips a switch in sukuna. he backs you up against the wall somewhat roughly and you can feel him smile against your lips when you let out a squeak of surprise.

he uses the opportunity to take your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging at it before moving to your neck with the intention of leaving a trail of marks across your delicate flesh.

you know you should care, but you just can't bring yourself to tell him to stop. you're too preoccupied with the feeling. he revels in the little gasps he's pulling from your throat, in the way you grab weakly at his biceps.

"you are divine, kitten," he growls. "been waiting so long to touch you."

just as he finishes speaking, he pulls back a few inches and his body stiffens.

"damn it. not now, you stupid brat—"

the words die in his throat as the black lines begin to fade and you're met with the perplexed face of your boyfriend. he breaths out your name, clearly worried. "what.. what happened?"

[katelynnwrites]

so kiss me | laura freigang

warnings: f for fluff

word count: 748

summary: laura asks if she can kiss you, provided that frankfurt finishes top three in the league

a/n: a little blurb in honour of laura freigang fc making it to the uwcl 😊

it’s after frankfurt's loss to leverkusen in march, when everyone begins to doubt if they'll be able to make third place that laura makes a bet with you.

that if your club do qualify for the champions league, she can kiss you.

frankfurt makes it. despite all the odds, your club makes it.

you sorta think the forward’s forgotten because she goes through the entire post match celebrations without mentioning it.

you don't know if you're disappointed or relieved.

barely a half hour after you make it home, your phone chimes with a text from laura.

it reads, 'are you too tired?'

you hesitate wondering what she is up to before replying, 'no?'

her response comes quickly, 'great! open your door please?'

with wide eyes, you do as she asks and it reveals the smiling blonde outside your apartment.

'lau what are you doing here?'

the german woman in question winks, 'as you know i made a bet with you...'

you blush and she continues, 'and since we did qualify i was thinking about the kiss you owe me.'

'the kiss i owe you? i recall the conversation quite differently lau. more of a you asking me if you can kiss me if we finish third in the league.'

laura tsks, 'semantics.'

you roll your eyes with fond exasperation, 'still doesn't explain why you are here.’

the blonde grins, 'right so as i was saying before you so kindly interrupted me, i was thinking about our kiss.'

despite what she just mentioned, about you interrupting her, you do so again, 'our kiss? we haven't kissed yet.'

'exactly! we shouldn't just kiss without at least having one date. that's why i'm here...to ask if i can take you out on a first date.' laura finishes shyly and you stare at her in surprise.

'it's almost midnight schatz and you didn’t say anything after the game so i thought you forgot.’ you whisper.

'the late hour doesn’t mean my feelings for you lessen and there’s no way i forget anything about you. the two goals i scored tonight were just for you.’ she murmurs, her cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink.

it's so cute that you can't resist leaning in to press an affectionate kiss onto said blush.

'okay. okay let's go.'

'really? cause i was prepared to do a whole lot more convincing.' laura rambles in disbelief.

'schatz if you don't shut up, i'm going to have to kiss you to make you stop.'

the blonde goes quiet but smiles brightly at you.

'our date first. then i'm going to kiss you.'

'more than once i hope. because you're not the only one with more than friendly feelings lau.' you murmur.

laura if possible, looks even happier.

'as many as you'd like.' she promises and eagerly takes your hand in hers.

and the striker doesn't disappoint.

she takes you to get ice cream at a twenty four hour dessert place and teasingly steals spoonfuls of your ice cream whenever you're distracted.

which is easy when you’re sitting opposite the laura freigang, the most beautiful person you have ever seen.

she’s got such mesmerising blue gray eyes and her blonde hair frames her face perfectly.

the german woman is in a simple sweatpants and hoodie but you think you might fall in love with her.

when she takes you back to your apartment, she draws you close to her by placing her hands on your waist.

‘close your eyes.’ she barely audibly murmurs.

you listen to her, eyes fluttering shut in anticipation.

still, nothing can quite prepare you for the moment laura presses her lips against yours.

tentatively at first but far more confidently once you melt into her and bring your hands up to cup her face.

right there and then, you are certain that falling in love with your fellow eintracht frankfurt player is inevitable. she’s just that special.

the feeling seems to be mutual because the striker readily accepts your invitation to come into your apartment.

it’s in your bedroom that she fulfils her promise entirely, sharing kiss after kiss with you.

intimate ones, teasing ones, ones that have you gasping her name, she holds true to her words.

as many as you'd like is what she promised you. as many as you like is what laura gives you.

for tonight at first and then for the rest of your life as she goes from your crush, to your girlfriend and eventually to your wife.

German Translation:

schatz - sweetheart

[suratan-zir]

Very personal post.

A lot of relationship talk, might make you nauseous.

Oversharing because I felt like it?

Today is our 10-year anniversary of marriage. 10.10 is the date, and 10 years - so many tens. Ten years ago, in a small, very sad-looking building in Donetsk, under the sounds of artillery mixed with the sounds of Mendelssohn's march, which the smiling employee turned on for "special atmosphere," we put our signatures on a piece of paper and kissed, because we were told to. (I would never kiss in public otherwise.) We wanted to get married before all the government structures got captured by the russian terrorists, so that we could still get Ukrainian documents, not just a worthless piece of paper.

We both were wearing t-shirts and jeans. I felt miserable. He was happy. And now, looking back at that day, I'm happy too. In two days, it will also be the anniversary of our relationship - 12 years. We met when we were both 17, at uni. It's crazy how just one person can change your life. I was studying that profession only because of one person. And that's why I met my husband. If not for me, he probably wouldn't have the career he has right now, he wouldn't even be in this field. But if not for him, I literally wouldn't be alive by now.

We make each other better. And we have this "shared brain" where we not only finish each other's sentences, but there is no need for sentences at all. It's like he reads my mind. Sometimes, it's even scary. That's what you get when you lock two kids in a horrible, tiny, moldy apartment and throw some traumatic events at them. It's a bond stronger than we can even understand. We've been living together for almost 12 years, I don't think I can process this number.

People were telling us we were moving too fast. And they were right, it was too fast. We moved in together after two months, only because we wanted to get away from our families. The first two years, we were arguing non-stop over nothing. But it turns out, if you stick around and have patience, everything works out eventually. We haven't had a real fight in years.

What were even the odds of finding someone as asocial as I am, who would love to either stay inside all week or go with me to roam the swamps and valleys? What are the odds of finding a guy who would spend half an hour trying to get the perfect shot of a frog? Yes, these are the main qualities I look for in a man. (just joking... probably) The guy who, during a high tide, would wade over a kilometer of water with me and then swim over 150 meters, following me to the opposite bank just to see what's in there.

He doesn't play the sims or Stardew Valley. Nobody's perfect, I suppose.

[faeruy]

Agatha All Along Tarot Reads

Episode 5 - Darkest Hour, Wake thy Power

Back again, with Lilia's tarot reads from Episode 5. There's a LOT to talk about with this episode, but other people are going to do that to death, so I'll focus on the tarot. As always, I'm an amateur, and I may get things wrong - see the edit on my post on episode 4. I've also done analysis on the cards mentioned in Episode 2 as well.

Knight Of Wands - This one is triggered when Alice goes to save Agatha by blasting her with power - and thereby triggering Agatha's magic suck power. It's a card that's absolutely referencing Alice in that moment.

At it's bare minimum, this could just be a basic, literal-ass read. Face cards tend to refer to people in your life as much as energy, and Wands are the fire suit, ergo the Protection/Fire Witch is a heroic knight.

Alice is definitely those things in the moment, but why stop there, when overanalyzing stuff is so much fun?

Knight of Wands is a lot about energy and motivation. It talks about someone who has found their passion, energy, and drive, and has the enthusiasm to move forward towards their goals. Given the events of the previous episode, I think that gives us a good idea of where Alice's head is at now. She battled the curse, came out triumphant, and now has the motivation that she'd been lacking most of her life, and the energy to finish the Road for her mother. She started to really be the Protection Witch for her Coven. It's interesting to note that of the four real Coven witches (still not sure about Sharon, Rio is something else entirely, and Teen is... ), Alice was the only one who started on the Road with all of her of her powers reliably intact. (Agatha's lost her purple, Jen's bound, Lilia's is a bit wonky) Because of the curse, and her mother's death, though, she didn't really embrace her power. Her trial changed that, and she definitely now has that Knight of Wands energy.

But the Knight of Wands is an impulsive card; in the "new project energy" vibe, it's easy to get in way too deep to quickly. Those it represents tend to be more "act first, think later". It's very much Alice's downfall; in a rush to do what is right, she makes herself vulnerable and gets hurt for it. I firmly believe that the ill-advised impulsiveness are probably what triggered the read from Lilia in the first place, even if Alice fits other aspects of the card as well.

The difference between Upright and Reversed readings on this one is.. odd, and I'm not sure how applicable it is to Alice. Both axis of the card reference impulsive thoughts and behavior, but the Reversed implies there's frustration and anger tied to an inability to properly express creative/motivated energy. And I don't think that's something we saw in Alice at that moment. It may be possible to read it as her 'misdirected energy' being the magic she blasted Agatha with, but it feels a little like a stretch. It might be more of a reference to Alice's past; a witch working dead end security jobs, blocked from doing any real good, any real craft because of a curse that made everything she touch go bad. Another possibility is that it could come into play later; despite what we saw, I don't think we're done with Alice Wu. I really hope not.

Anyway, that's my read the Knight of Wands; hope you all enjoyed it, and if you want to see my analysis for the previous episodes they are, Episodes 1-3 Episode 4 Episode 6 Episode 7 part 1 Episode 7 part 2

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

maggots of mine, I made the youtube channel, and posted Crowley's hymn.

*drags myself into sight, almost empty can of red bull in hand and a smile that resembles a flopping dead fish* Well hello there my maggots. It appears that against all odds, I have finished the first fucking video. I've been working on it non-stop for... *checks time* almost five hours. Nice.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I not stick to shitposting? Why? So many questions, maggots and good omens fandom and the significant overlap of the two, so many questions. All I ever did was ask questions.

But. Well. I made this for you and Crowley, so. I hope you like it. @neil-gaiman hi Neil, tagging you too because in case you see this, I'm really grateful that it was Good Omens that made me share my music with people, as well as write new music inspired by the show.

*melts into goop on ground* yes well like share and subscribe or something whatever it is I need to say I don't know I'm not an influencer I'm a lovesick boy for Crowley and that's all I am.

My first YouTube video! Can I... can I hear a wahoo? *stares at time, realises it's 4:40 am, gives up on adulting* WAHOOOOO.

If there are mistakes, don't hate me, just tell me, I swear I've done my best. I've been editing for so long that I hate the sound of my own voice, which almost never happens, and I cannot read English text accurately anymore. It's gone the brainrot has won.

I love you my maggotsies. I love you.

[natalyarose]

𝑅𝑒𝒻��𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒶𝓇𝓉… (𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑜, 𝒮𝓊𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝐵𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒾!)

~ This is a bit of a personal one lol, maybe I'm getting a little too comfy on tumblr- but hey, I like it here and I'm very grateful for everyone who's taken an interest in whatever I have to say :)

~ tagging this on Nakshatra tumblr because I feel like this reflection perfectly encapsulates Venus Nakshatras and is very aligned with the Sun moving into Bharani, the birth of Venus among the Nakshatras

// warning, cringe and angsty lmao

I have such an odd relationship with my artistic process. Unconventional? Stubborn. Sometimes just straight up bad lol.

I want to create beautiful, meaningful things, yet I have this sort of extreme resistance to being perfect or professionalism (however, somehow perfectionism and such a ruthless self-antagonism for not being 'enough' at the same time..).

It's almost like I purposely sabotage my art by intentionally leaving in mistakes, or leaving it somewhat dishevelled in protest of perfection. In hopes that the beauty and artistry still manages to shine through to the right people.

I guess it's also this thing where I feel like the imperfection makes art more unique, more exclusive- more personal & dearly held to the people who do find the beauty in it that I initially wanted to communicate. But, there is a difference between artsy, grungy, rawness and... just being crap, lazy, unrefined, undisciplined. (I'd never refer to someone else's work in this way but myself... mann).

Knowing full well that my artistic creation likely 'needs work', is not a finished product and will very likely be criticised for its' imperfection, I still have the overwhelming urge to go ahead and share it with the world/post it. In all of its' messy (again, maybe just straight up bad lol) glory. Then I wonder why I'm not gaining the traction I want haha. When I inevitably receive criticism, I get so hurt by it, I beat myself up and it eats at me to the point that I can't sleep at night, I'm up reciting the criticisms in my head and weaving them into my very own nightmare!

I don't understand why I do this to myself lmao. Later on after posting & putting myself out there, I hear that imperfection in the song, I hear those vocal parts I stubbornly left in and didn't want to redo, I see the dodgy brush strokes I refused to fix up in the name of authenticity, and I cringe. In fact, I feel such a deep shame for it all that I take everything down out of embarrassment. Even though it was fully my decision to put up something amateur sounding and imperfect.

Maybe it's something like the weight of desire for perfection is too much, so I just go 'to hell with it!'.

It's like an endless cycle for me, and I realise that over the years, if I'd just left things up online and was more patient with myself, I'd probably have cultivated a following of some sort by now, or maybe used peoples' criticisms to improve the art to a greater extent. I mean, there are people who have mentioned to me when they notice the art is imperfect and needs work, but there are just as many lovely people who have gone totally out of their way to express deep appreciation for the music/art I've put out and enjoyed it.

Here's my 'theory' as to why I do this to myself: when I create art, I don't just want to make pretty things, though I want that too. I want to be loved, and FELT. I want to bring people to this raw, vulnerable place in my heart where my ideas emerge from. I want to be loved not in spite of the imperfections, but alongside them, all encompassing.

I don't want to have to be perfect, have $1000 worth of equipment, hours and hours of recording time trying to 'get it right' in order to be understood and deemed beautiful. I don't want to show off how perfect or skilled I am either, I want to make people feel something. I want it natural.

r a w.

I kinda enjoy for art to be unfinished and slightly unpalatable on purpose.

Maybe it's a bit of entitlement on my part, expecting that even if I do a mediocre job, people will still enjoy it and see my 'talents'/message.

Truth be told though, that's how I love other people, how I enjoy others' art as well, it's not just something with me.

When I listen to artists I love, I adore seeing something beautiful, yet somehow messy and jarring. A sort of underground-esque, 'wild feminine' creation. It evokes that much more feeling and passion that something designed to be perfect just lacks to me.

I can't get into a lot of bands that are considered 'objectively good' by many people because they just sound too perfect to me- There's a lot of times I come across artists that sound technically good, very clean but my heart just can't get into it. I find myself listening and thinking 'I wish this was recorded on a toaster', or 'I wish there was a more rough sound to the vocals' lol, I crave the rawness & intimacy that imperfection and roughness lends.

Ugh, it all creates such an internal conflict- like I want my art to be seen, to be loved yet I somewhat reject things it takes for the art to be considered objectively good & well rounded.

The harsh reality might just be that just because I see the beauty in imperfection, just because I know I've got this personal, very niche vision of what 'good' sounds like/looks like in my mind, that doesn't mean other people are going to find value in the same things.

Of course, maybe all of this is just pretentious excuses & my own self-hatred manifested (I don't actively hate myself, I try to be much kinder to myself these days but yknow)

Anyway, I realised that it's the start of Bharani season in galactic centre mid-mula Ayanamsa today & I think this write up really aligns with that.

Thankyou for reading lol.. again, a bit of an angsty personal thing but maybe it could be relevant to someone, if y'all wanna know what Venusian artistic angst looks like in real time lmao 🖤🥀

[the-devil-is-dead]

FMA:B HORSEBACK AU (PART 2 !!!)

Alphonse Elric!!! And his retired Morgan horse Billy Star!!! I love Alphonse and I love retired horses, so I decided to give him a retired horse!!!

Now, in my last post, it says in the headcanons that Al does most of the farm work. I lied because five minutes after I posted the first post I had this brilliant idea to give Alphonse a weak body (and subsequently a mobility aid) to reference his lack of a body in the canon universe, iykwim.

I realized this kind of late, but there is an explanation for why he weighs less than Ed despite being eight entire centimeters taller. First, Edward has two automail limbs and it is canonical they are heavy, and I was going for this weak-body-strong-will trope with Alphonse so he is supposed to be skinnier and struggle to build muscle. If I'm going to draw him more I'm definitely going to make his weaker body more apparent, because right now he just looks odd.

Anyway!! Onto the next person!!!

Winry Rockbell!! I haven't changed much about her design, but her backstory is different. While Pinako is still an automail engineer/mechanic, Winry's grandfather was a farrier. She picked up both practices, helping Pinako with her automail shop, but primarily working as a farrier. She helped design Edward's automail, but unlike canon, she didn't build it. She does help him with repairs and maintenance when Pinako isn't available, though.

Her mother and father worked in the medical field, but her father was an equine veterinarian instead of a human doctor. She knows a little about medicine and how to recognize ill welfare in horses, but not enough to make a career of it.

I was going to make some bonus sketches of Winry since her character page was so empty, but my PC has run out of space and I can't save any more drawings, so it will have to wait. The priority right now is to make space for the Winry file, and then I'll have to ask for help freeing up some space. The next characters will probably be Roy and Riza, but it's going to take a while before they appear 🥶 those drawings will possibly be lower quality as well, since I've been working on 2000+x2000+ canvases and I suspect they are the files devouring my space recently...

( EDIT: despite my best efforts, the winry file was lost. )

Anyway, I finished with my summer job!! It didn't pay well (less than $6 an hour, I'm afraid) but it was fun spending three weeks at the stables and making new friends. Now I'm just taking a short break before I'm going to work on some projects at home, and then I'm going South to visit some family (and for vacation!) so I'll probably be gone for a while. Hope everyone's having a nice summer so far and that all who are working are making at least minimum wage and don't illegally work night shifts!

[grape-eating-vampire]

alright, it's done. i finished it.

this is the third and final part of things that happened in my first bg3 playthrough ever that I found so funny that I put them in my notes (spoilers below)

let me start this by saying I have only cried twice in the 155 hours it took me to complete this shit. however, I have almost-screamed at the characters more times than I'd like to admit. but first here's stuff that happened since the last one of these posts I made:

after killing Orin I went around Baldur's Gate for a while and did odd sidequests, including

clearing out a haunted house and sidelining to kill a stinky man in a wardrobe (and drag his body to a guy two streets over)

entirely ignored Gale's quest to look at a book because I kept getting arrested there after having killed the boss mage guy

I also foolishly though this wouldn't have any consequences. oh boy was I wrong

went to see a underwater prison, got told off by Gortash, decided to explore it after killing him, and promptly forgot to do so

killed Gortash! fuck that guy the only good thing about him is his fancy robe

tried to recruit a dragon called Ansur, found out the emperor is Balduran (????????? honestly I was shocked)

killed said dragon and felt like I was playing skyrim all over again

found a letter ("Dear Ansur") by Balduran/the Emperor. this was the first time I cried. I could still cry.

patch 6 came out! that was yesterday and I spent about 10 minutes trying out new kisses and sitting on Shadowhearts stool in camp (she now says "I'm glad you decided to join me" or something like that when you do)

went pretty much straight to the underground pool thing where the brain was supposed to be

failed abysmally to Dominate The Brain™

got pulled out by the emperor and had to start beef with Lae'zel because I had also forgotten to care about Orpheus and the hammer from the House of Hope

admittedly, I didn't really forget, I just didn't want to spend any more time with Raphael than I absolutely had to

my +14 persuasion saved the day once more and Lae'zel was fine with the one hope in her life getting his brains sucked out

went off to fight the brain once more. my game crashed twice trying to load that cutscene.

met all my allies! I forgot how many there were actually, and I only called on two of the groups later on

fought a lot. like a LOT lot.

got to the Netherbrain and kicked it's ass*

*had to reload about 3 times and try again because Minsc at level 12 was stuck on 100 hp for some reason and kept fucking dying

finally managed to kill the fucker! had Lae'zel deal the killing blow which seemed very fitting

more cutscenes, but this one actually didn't crash the game, I got to look at some beautiful unloaded walls and stuff instead

Lae'zel left right after we got to the haven. understandably so

remember how I ignored Gale's quest? well he didn't blow himself up like he inteded earlier, but he left to becOME A GOD????? I cannot fucking deal with this man

Karlach on the pier. this was the second time I cried, but unproportionally much so

Wyll left with her for Avernus, the little cutscene of them arriving there made me feel a bit better

Astarion had to leg it because of the sun (sorry)

Shadowheart didn't do much of anything during all of this, neither did Minsc, Halsin or Jaheira

decided to go help kids with Halsin, seems to fit my character (eventhough I really didn't roleplay so much)

we got an epilogue! yippie!

caught up there with everyone, except Lae'zel (who was there via the fantasy version of zoom) and Gale (who was there via the fantasy equivalent of a voicemail)

tried to hug Gale, couldn't, almost cried again but managed

also met a tressym who I recognized from fanart as Tara. I don't know why she was there, we never met her before and Gale hadn't mentioned her either

read a LOT of letters the party had received. barely kept my composure at the Gur's letter to Astarion

Withers did a cool speech and the game ended

after all of this and so much more that I didn't take notes about, I can confidentially say that Baldur's Gate 3 is the best video game I have ever played, and within it's genre my favourite ever!

I'm also emotionally devestated, especially after these final parts (but in a good way)

that's all, thanks for reading!

[nextinline-if]

I'm tired of watching creators get stepped on (with a clarified statement regarding the forum poster)

I don't frequent this forum - I went here to investigate pirating. Several people have insisted that the person going by the COG founder's name is not actually him, so here's my updated post. I retract that it's Dan but not what else I said. I still stand by what I said.

Hi, it's me, your friendly Vi with something on my mind. Unfollow if you will but I gotta speak my mind on behalf of the authors who spend countless hours creating the games that bring you joy. Sure, I've been away from Tumblr so I'm probably late to this but oh well. Still decided to post this.

I moved my game to Twine in August because I don't want to be associated with Choice of Games (COG). Here's a great example of why...

People in a forum asking for and sharing pirated content from indie creators' Patreons.

The author saw it and responded:

[ID: A snippet of what the text reads. Please take this down. This is just...really not cool guys. My hands are trembling as I right this, because I'm both hurt and stunned that someone would take *everything* from my Patreon and post it. If you ever want - redacted game name - to get finished, then try not to do things that will cause me to have a breakdown. Please. /ID]

Here's the response from someone going by COG's founder's name (per screenshots below - apparently it's not him but I do wonder why he lets someone use his name or isn't aware?):

I know this image is small, so here's what it reads:

"Let me tell you something, those who haven't subscribed to your patreon isn't magically gonna subscribe if they don't get stories elsewhere, and those who have already did that means they care about you and I'm pretty damn sure they aren't gonna unsubscribe anytime soon. If something anything changes due to the leaks then it's your popularity, readers are gonna be more interested in your titles and perhaps once they have enough money then they can even subscribe and donate that money to you, right now many members of this forum don't have enough resources to purchase things online such as patreon subscription, hence they had to rely on leaks to sate their excitement of reading the stories. Do think about it, from their perspective and if you can then try to make old stories and demo available for public this way they may not needs to rely on leaks and will read from official source.

Sincerely, Dan Fabulich"

What I said originally when I thought it was Dan: The guy is probably a millionaire (or, at the very least, well off compared to most indie creators) and he has the nerve to create an entitled response like this to an INDIE AUTHOR who uses choicescript.... wow. To an author who yes, has a pretty good following but is spending 1000s of hours creating for the enjoyment of others.

New statement: It's still fucking the way this person is speaking to an indie author. Still seems odd to allow a forum to use your name (and also basically insinuate it is supported by your company)...I would certainly be angry. But then again, I'm not rich and living off indie authors' work.

He (still) has more money than most of us indie authors ever have in his pocket from creating a company that pays pennies to the writers who make it money. People who just rely on passion to create these stories. Even if you make money on Patreon, most people cannot be sustained full-time. Most of the pirated content is not from bigger authors (but some is).

And before anyone says anything, yes, I am aware that many people can't afford Patreon and "don't want to wait." I get it. I promise you, I know the struggle. But like, it's fucking entitled to think you deserve to read someone's work without their permission.

And it's fucking entitled to throw the authors that pay for your lifestyle under the bus. (I still believe the company does this).

I am SO grateful to the majority of you out there who are kind, supportive, and overall amazing. But this is not okay!

Vi, out.

P.S. as an anon suggested, I will try to contact Dan to see if he's aware of this person using his name to make statements like this

[perverse-idyll]

Thanks for tagging me, @danpuff-ao3! <3 And it's so good to see you talking about your fics again. I love your thoughtfulness about your work and the whole writing process. (And I love your work itself, of course.)

"Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

This comes at an odd time for me because I feel very disconnected from my fic and deeply unimpressed by it. Every time I open the current chapter I'm working on, I think, "What an absolute slog." So maybe focusing on what I love (or remember loving) will rekindle the missing spark! Plus it's been umpteen weeks since I last posted here, and it would be good to show signs of life. (I'm not giving up on writing or my OTP. RL just kind of saps the will to live sometimes. Experience tells me this too shall pass.)

Tagging anyone who wishes to celebrate their faves because I'll be poking at this while at work, and it may take me hours*. *days, as it turns out.

I actually don't have that many fics, which is embarrassing, considering how long I've been in fandom. The same handful just keep cropping up. So I'm going to be really aggravating and mostly talk about WIPs:

The Afterlight - the Snape/Harry WIP I'm currently working/ intermittently fixated on. It's got a serial killer subplot that still hasn't kicked in after 52K words and a Denial of Feelings dysfunctional romance heavily influenced by the fact that both men died in canon and forever after have to live with that knowledge. (Here we have the author's perpetual Denial of (Snape-ish) Death on full display 😉). The fic features disillusioned!Harry, an offshoot of the angry!Harry who often turns up in my work, alongside a Snape whose feelings, whatever else they may be, are typically obsessive to the point of self-sacrifice. They fight a lot and fuck a lot and at one point Snape takes a curse for Harry. Hurt/comfort as courtship! Probably my schmaltziest ending ever, and quite likely a narrative mess, but it's got its hooks into me so I really want it to turn out halfway decent.

Year of the Thestral - the only non-WIP here, a Severus/Minerva fic I had on the back-burner for years and finally finished. It uses a dubcon relationship as a lens to examine the damage done to - and price exacted upon - all and sundry during Snape's year as headmaster. The conceit involves Minerva at the end of her life reminiscing to a biographer, finally facing the memories and meaning of Snape's actions, the layers of betrayal and inevitability of sacrifice, and the furious despair that lay behind Severus' treatment of her. It offers the possibility of forgiveness and even retrospective love, and is woven throughout with femslash feelings. For me, it's a meditation on the punishing aspects of Snape's agreement to play the monster, as well as a character study of McGonagall, undertaken as a tribute.

The Blood of Stars - possibly my favorite of my current WIPs, put on hiatus in 2014. It starts with Snape basically being kicked out of the afterlife by Dumbledore and Lily and discovering, as he searches Hogwarts' post-battle wreckage, that he can't speak to Harry. Literally, no words. Partly in retaliation, he commits an act of heartache and cruelty that affects Harry's marriage. But he also reappears at desperate moments in Harry's life to provide help. There's much to-do over an underground prison, a mutual fascination despite their problems communicating (although one might suggest that Snape's inability to tell Harry what he thinks actually improves the situation), two dramatic death scenes, and more afterlife shenanigans. It also has what may be my favorite ending for any fic I've written thus far, and I'm determined to finish it if only for those scenes alone. Oh, and it's my version of horribly romantic. Also, hubris: the entire middle section is written in first-person Harry POV, which I know will take out a chunk of my potential audience, but I wanted to try something I'd never done before. Anyway, it's next in line once I finish The Afterlight (yes, I know, how many years will that take? But hope springs eternal).

Impossible Without It - another Snarry WIP put on hiatus in 2014! Ah, I was so full of ideas then and struggling not to let the bastards get me down. Well, I haven't given up on this one, either. It's another angry!Harry fic (I do write optimistic!Harry, but really, none of my Harrys are well-adjusted). In fact, it's a memory-holed Harry who can't recall killing Voldemort and an amnesiac Snape who works in a Muggle gay bar. The story is told partly through their sexual addiction to each other, fueled by secrets and lies and out-of-control hunger, desire for vengeance and of course the question of what really happened the day Voldemort died and Harry lost that moment in time while Snape forgot crucial parts of who he is (like the fact he's a wizard). They don't treat each other well, but they become so bound up in their obsession they can't let go. Eventually Harry discovers a way to restore Snape's memories, and Snape makes him regret it. Believe it or not, this one has a happy ending! Well, depending on whether you think a rather fucked-up relationship can be described as 'happy.'

The Threefold Death, or: The Lost World (long version), Snarry, WIP. I was originally going to choose When the Rose & the Fire Are One, but I've singled it out often enough that at this point I'm not sure what's left to say. I had Threefold Death hidden in a collection for a while because I couldn't stand to look at it, but that didn't help so I've removed it from its cage. I'm still haunted by a lot of the scenes, and I love fooling around with fairy tale imagery. I also like playing with ambiguity: how much of Snape's love for Harry is his own and how much is the Forest using Snape to draw Harry into its clutches. Ditto Albus Severus, the third in their circle/cycle of debts and devotion, who can't stop setting off tragic consequences despite the best of intentions. (Well, maybe not the best.) The POV in this one starts with Harry and switches to Al, partly because I'm a sucker for outsider POV and partly because I want to examine Al as a mixture of Harry and Snape, neither as loving as his father nor as ruthless as his mentor and therefore the weakest link in this Game of Three. But it is ultimately his love for them both that closes the circle, and he's the one who ends up losing the most. (Sorry, Al! Even if it's partly your own fault.) And this is another ending with lines and images I'm rather proud of. Also a ton of bittersweetness. Ever since I hauled it out of storage, I've been having all sorts of daydreams about character moments, so this fic is definitely simmering again.

[crystalelemental]

My wife moderates a fanfiction forum, and informed me that is it Femslash February. We have no idea if this is something specific to a particular fandom, but I'm interpreting it as a general "post yuri." Can do, boss. I hope to have a few for the month, though admittedly life circumstances as they are, fewer have made any progress than I'd like. But, I did finish some. Starting with one for Little Goody Two Shoes, because at the end of the day, I just think Elise/Lebkuchen is cute.

I've mentioned before that, in the broad scope of the game, I think the sacrifice endings are more thematically resonant, while the happy endings can feel a bit off. These posts are a good summary of my general stance on the endings, and why they don't feel like they land as well. I do think the story does best with the sacrifice ending, and really sets up that this is what Elise would do.

That said, I'm currently in a state of enjoying the fluffy stuff, and I really like Lebkuchen, so I make a bit of an exception for Bells of Dawn. Not because I think it's doing anything better than the other two happy endings, it's purely personal preference. But I do think it's a bit...abrupt, and kinda too neat and tidy? I feel like Elise's life isn't going to change all that much, especially at first. Traveling costs money these girls do not have, and Elise's work history as it is, she's likely going to fall into the same odd jobs as before. Her decision to pick Leb over wealth, while a fluffy emotionally happy outcome, means she's still poor and breaking her back for minimal pay, and likely a bit miserable. I don't get into it as much, but Leb's kinda similar. Her whole deal is being kinda frustrated at how much the villagers take advantage, demanding her attention and support at all hours of the day while Father Hans is overly critical of everything she does that isn't perfect. But while she's leaving to escape that, Leb's also open about how she knows she's working herself sick for these people even as she hates it, and isn't making much effort to get away. As far as the canon ending goes, Leb's still at the church where Elise expected to find her; she'll stay where she hates being without intervention. Running off may eventually break that hold, but the first thing she's likely to encounter is that she's going to be quick to help people and burns herself out doing it because she won't directly push back. I don't think either start their journey happy.

So while I'm all for a satisfying ending, and wanted to write something I thought was cute for the two of them, I did want to give the impression that it's not all ideal. That both aren't entirely happy in their situation at first, but the difference is having each other. The main draw here is that Elise would put Lebkuchen's safety first to reach the good ending. It's not so much "I can forego the desire for riches," but rather "I can't put Leb in danger for it." If it wasn't for Leb's presence, I doubt she'd bat an eye about a demon contract for wealth.

This was also an attempt to be a little more...purposeful in what I'm writing? I dunno how it turned out, but I like to think it went okay. Hopefully you enjoy it, too.

[bosskie]

Electrical Colours

Man, I was just looking at that Abe's Oddysee's good ending and those cool colours the lightning strike made Molluck have, so I kinda wanted to draw him like this again... This ain't a redraw though even it looks like one of my older pieces.

There's also a sketch I made for this to my sketchbook. I don't have a light pad but it helped me to do a cleaner sketch to the actual paper. But frankly, that older piece has bothered me because of the flaws I see... So, I kinda have still wanted to redraw it but more because I really enjoyed playing around the colours there! I just rarely use vivid/strong colours...

I haven't touched my watercolour palettes for 5 years... I just got plenty of watercolour paper, mostly unused pads, so I felt like I gotta do something about it. I'm not sure if I'm pleased with the colours or not. I would have liked to mess more with the colours but well... The tape I used wasn't good enough to stay in place, so this got 'wonky' but not too much. It's just whenever I use watercolours, the paper gets wavy... The tape does help but eh, it's quite usual that I damage the paper anyway... Welp, need to practice my watercolour skills.

I wasn't sure about the background but just painted the environment from the cutscene. But yeah, I must say that I'm not sure if I enjoyed painting this or not... That tape just pissed me off and my usual self-hatred hit me while working on this... But I still decided to finish this, even it required many hours to make but also patience since yeah, you gotta layer stuff and be careful with watercolours. I still see some flaws here and there but just got tired of painting the whole thing...

I just started to feel so awful about myself, yet again... Felt like I'm just some odd freak, should just end what I'm doing but well, also myself... Currently, I basically have no other life than Molluck since I'm free and alone... I also just keep feeling like a failure, keep telling myself how I wasted one year of my life when I was too depressed to do anything, I didn't even really draw during that year... I just felt so hard that I'll be nothing, I have no future, I won't ever get to the university... Everything was so black... I didn't believe in myself, at all... I still feel like I got no future, barely have any hope on myself... There somewhere I kinda wish to tear that painting I did but also like all the other drawings too... I'm still having hard time with tolerating my own creations, even I do love to create stuff... I more like just wish to create stuff and then just send them into the void and never see them again... This is basically the main reason why I tend to disable reblogs... I just cannot really stand seeing my own stuff...

I have just felt like that I should just end my whole Molluck thing... But there somewhere I see Molluck looking at me with sad eyes and telling me how he knows that I don't really wish to do it since I love him so much... It also feels insulting to him that I'm calling myself a freak because of the way I love him... I don't wish to hurt my dear Gluk, even I do have drawn him getting hurt but it's just what actually happened to him and I cannot deny that him getting the hit looks 'cool'... My life would be so empty without Molluck... Welp, he at least keeps me creating stuff since I just moment ago got yet another drawing idea that I feel like starting later today. Not sure if I make a proper drawing about it and what media I should even use but just something to my sketchbook at least. I just feel like I barely drew a thing if I didn't have Molluck... Dunno if my stuff is even worth making but well, I'm glad to waste my time on some fictional creature I keep dreaming of every single day...

I'm still trying to see my stuff in a better light but it's difficult... I didn't have much will to post this one but still did it. I just tend to feel like my stuff looks soulless, uninspiring, crappy, just not worth seeing... I'm still trying to keep posting my crap stuff, even it's difficult for me to believe in that anyone really enjoys seeing my stuff... It's just that my mind just keeps telling me that everyone just secretly hates me and just pretends to like me for whatever reason... I don't even know why I feel like this but it's just making my self-hatred worse, keeping me feeling like I'm just ruining everything, that everything would be better if I was gone or better, never even existed... I'm still trying to keep living, even if my only reason to live was to keep filling the world with Molluck crap love... I'm planning to try out sculpting a Molluck bust next week; gotta buy some art supplies first though, like a banding wheel. Been just joking about filling my home with Molluck sculptures... But yeah, a huge Molluck bust would be just nice, though it would be like 'real-life-sized' at that point! Yeah, I can say that I do have had ideas for big Molluck crafts... I could be able to do a big plush too but I got no resources for such...

Yeah, let's say that this stuff is basically for what I live... I don't really care if some people think that I'm a freak/weirdo/whatever, this is just who I am, and I can be no one else but me; it's just that me calling myself a freak is my problem... I also got some 'digital craft' ideas too, meaning programming and 3D stuff. Yeah, so many medias to work with... It would be just cool to do a VR/AR Molluck thing too! Yes, I am crazy about Molluck but it's not really harming anyone and it keeps me alive and creating stuff, so it's fine. I actually started to feel better after writing this stuff since well, there is so much cool Molluck stuff to do, even if I have difficulties with tolerating my stuff... I just love to create Molluck stuff, okay.

I don't wanna sound like I hated people liking my stuff, no. It's only a big surprise to me if someone really likes my stuff and I do appreciate all the positive things my stuff gets! I just wish that I could also see what you see when looking at my stuff... My problem is just that I tend to see only my flaws and therefore find my stuff as crappy... But I'm trying my best to learn to love myself and stop feeling like I'm just a failure that shouldn't exist... It's only me who has said those brutal things to myself...

I feel sorry for all this vent... It's just that I'm really fighting for my own life with my mind. So many times, I have just felt like ending this all... But here I am, even if my whole existence was a total waste after all... Yes, this is how I talk to myself during my worst moments... I hope that your self-talk ain't so awful!

[phantomoftheorpheum]

Just finished episode 6 of School Spirits & I have so many thoughts! I really liked this episode, it may be my favorite one yet! I'm going to place my thoughts below a cut, because they get very long.

Okay, the first thing I want to go over is Claire's story, because (assuming it's all true, which rn I am) it answers (mostly) a lot of questions. According to Claire- Mr. Anderson stole the money and she found out about it. She used this information to blackmail Mr. Anderson into giving her straight As. Claire & Mr. Anderson received the blackmail video discussing everything. They think Maddie sent the video. Claire stole Maddie's phone to try to delete the video, but then couldn't get into it and gave the phone to Mr. Anderson, who destroyed it. At some point, Mr. Anderson paid off "Maddie" at Claire's suggestion. They (or at least Claire) presumably think that Maddie is possibly still out there somewhere with the blackmail and money.

Here are a couple of questions/assumptions I have about this timeline-

Why did Claire replace Maddie's phone with a different one at all? Surely the first time Maddie looks at that phone & it doesn't have any of her stuff on it, she's going to know it wasn't hers. Wouldn't it be less suspicious (from Claire's POV where she thinks Maddie is blackmailing her) for her phone to just be missing in general? She could believe that she just lost her phone, but if someone replaced her phone, that would immediately be weird/suspicious to her. What exactly was the timing of this? Claire had to have stolen Maddie's phone before Xavier did, since he ended up with the replacement. Did she literally buy a phone just to switch with Maddie's for a short period of time? Or did she just realize she couldn't get into Maddie's phone, gave it to Anderson to destroy, and then bought a replacement? Honestly, I think maybe this plot point is a little muddy and always will be. I think we're supposed to believe that Claire switched the phones (still don't get why she bothered to do that, like I would 1,000% be less confused/suspicious if my phone was just missing for a couple hours than if I suddenly had a phone that looked like my phone, but had none of my settings/data/etc.) when she stole Maddie's and was intending to switch them back, but then Xavier stole the replacement phone and Maddie disappeared.

So, obviously we know that Maddie didn't take the video or get any money from Mr. Anderson. The most likely suspect for that, I think, is still Nicole. She's obviously hiding something (was she burying stuff in the woods, or digging stuff up? Either way, she has something to hide and they definitely hinted at that in episode 5, but it seems whatever it is must be pretty serious or she wouldn't be digging a hole in the woods in her homecoming dress in the middle of the night) and she could be planning to use the blackmail money for college. The question is, did she kill Maddie, or did she just get Maddie killed by pretending to be her and getting mixed up in all this? Perhaps Nicole's hope that Maddie is still alive out there somewhere is because she knows if something happened to Maddie over the money/blackmail, it's her fault.

While we're on the topic of Nicole, it seems very odd to me that she went to Mrs. Nears house alone when Mrs. Nears thought someone was poking around. (Also weird that Simon wasn't worried about her doing that, since he knows for sure that Maddie isn't the one leaving her backpack places, liking social media posts, etc. and presumably her murderer is doing that stuff, but I think this whole thing might just be an oversight). The only two explanations for this behavior from Nicole's POV, imo, is that she really thinks Maddie is alive & therefore didn't feel threatened by it, or she killed Maddie and isn't worried about getting murdered because the murderer is her. But those are complete opposite reasons, so not that helpful.

We know that whoever was at Mrs. Nears (assuming there really was someone there, but I am going to assume that because it seems really unfair to the audience to include that scene and then just be like "nvm this was just an accident") can't be Nicole, Simon, Xavier, Claire, etc. which leaves a pretty short list. I think it's notable that Ms. Fields didn't appear to be chaperoning homecoming (if anyone spotted her there, lmk. I didn't.) and is one of the only characters not accounted for during this time.

Here is a big question I have that they may have answered in the show (if any of you know the answer, please tell me) and I missed it at the time & haven't gone back to look for it yet. Do we know if the police ever found the money that was stolen by Mr. Anderson? When Simon initially accused him, they searched his room and said there was no money in the wall. Did they find it? Or is it still missing? If it's still missing, I have a couple of theories-

Nicole is the murderer. She took the video and blackmailed Claire & Mr. Anderson with it. I don't know if she always intended to pose as Maddie, or if that was solely just a bad assumption made by Mr. Anderson and Claire (we don't know why they thought it was Maddie, do we?), or even if that was something she came up with later. She needs the money for college/her applications/portfolio. She doesn't want to be left behind when Simon & Maddie go to Chicago, but she doesn't have the financial means to go with them unless she gets a scholarship from her portfolio, or she has to make a down payment for loans or something. Idk. She needs the money. She and Maddie end up in a confrontation about this, where Nicole kills Maddie (not premeditated, but out of fear/anger/etc.) and has been hiding/trying to cover up everything since. Nicole planted the boot prints, ticket, backpack, etc. and disposed of the murder weapon. She kept Maddie's necklace due to guilt and we will see it again. She is burying the clothes she wore when she killed Maddie because they have blood evidence on them. She may have also stolen the money from Mr. Anderson's walls before the cops searched the room. Maddie can't remember her death because it was so traumatizing to be murdered by one of her best friends. However this doesn't explain the situation with the insta photo (unless she was staging it, but that's kinda iffy, considering she didn't really have an audience). It also doesn't explain why she wouldn't have gotten rid of all the evidence along with Maddie's body in first place (unless what she is doing at the end of episode 6 is burying the second round of money she stole from Mr. Anderson's classroom). She also could not be person who Mrs. Nears heard in episode 6, since we know she was at the dance. This theory definitely leaves some loose threads.

Nicole took the video and blackmailed Claire & Mr. Anderson with it. All of her motivation, etc. that I posed in the last theory still applies here. She needs money for college. However, in this theory, Nicole did not kill Maddie. She may still have the necklace (someone does. it's somewhere). Maybe she stole it before Maddie's death to use as proof to Mr. Anderson & Claire in some way that Maddie was the blackmailer, but then Maddie disappeared? Maybe she doesn't have it. Nicole believes that Maddie may still be alive, and she is clinging to hope that she is, because if she's not, Nicole may be the reason she was murdered. She hasn't spoken up because she has the money she extorted from Mr. Anderson. Perhaps she is burying the money in the woods, or some other evidence that she feels is incriminating to her, now that it appears Maddie may be dead. She didn't kill Maddie, but she knows she might be responsible for whatever happened to her and she's still trying to cover up her crimes. In this theory, Ms. Fields was in on the money scheme with Mr. Anderson (maybe not initially, but they share a wall, so she could just as easily have had access to the money stash as he did. Maybe she found it and cut a deal with him, maybe they were in it together from the beginning, doesn't really matter for the purposes of this theory) and so she is aware that Claire & Anderson think Maddie is the one blackmailing them. She confronts Maddie, things get out of hand, she kills/injures her and removes her body through the tunnels. She doesn't tell Anderson about this (and Claire doesn't know about her involvement at all) and instead, removes the rest of the money from the walls before the cops search the building, keeping it for herself. She planted the evidence of Maddie still being alive and is the one in who was at Mrs. Nears'. However, this theory doesn't provide an explanation for why Maddie can't remember her death (she could be alive somewhere, don't love that concept, but it's possible), since she doesn't seem that close to Ms. Fields. This also doesn't totally explain the motive for killing Maddie, like yes, it would be about the money/blackmail. Maybe Ms. Fields thought Maddie knew that she was also involved?? I don't know. I will admit, it's a little thin.

So those are my two big theories atm. They both have some holes, I am very aware of that.

Some other thoughts about the episode-

I'm basically ignoring the Mr. South thing because it feels like such a red herring.

What was Rhonda doing in the fallout shelter??? Whatever is going on there feels like possible story set up for season 2.

no extra ghosts this episode (just Rhonda, Charley, & Wally) so I kinda expect we might get more from them in episode 7.

"part boy, part golden retriever" honestly someone just protect Wally, pls.

so happy Charley got some closure in this ep! <3

I know I keep saying it, but where tf is Maddie's necklace???

[shiny-jr]

ooh wait have you played three houses?? i saw you mentioned it in one of your recent posts and i got curious. can i ask what are your thoughts on it if you have played it?

also also, have you played pokemon scarlet/violet at all? i’d really love to hear your thoughts on it, especially with its latest dlc ^^ (super sorry i’m grouping two different games in this ask, i didn’t wanna send messages back to back, but feel free to only answer one if you want!)

Oh boy, more opportunities for me the spout nonsense and my odd opinions. I will gladly take it. Buckle up, anon and others reading, because I have a long history with both franchises.

I've been playing Fire Emblem since Fire Emblem: Awakening, then Fates, Heroes, and eventually Three Houses. My take: Awakening is still the best one, but maybe I'm biased. I remember playing it and marrying Chrom on accident, whoops.

Anyways, Three Houses was alright, better than Fates but not better than Awakening. I remember it came out, and I was actually upset because I was in another country on the US release date so I didn't get to play it until I got back. Even when I saw the trailers, I knew I was Golden Deers all the way. Odd, I know, most people prefer the other teams. Claude, Hilda, Marianne, Lysithea, my dears. OH, and before I go on, I just want to say, I hate the female MC. And no, it's not what you think, I only hate her because literally why does her outfit look like that compared to the male MC? Robin from Awakening was always the better protagonist anyways.

After completing the Golden Deers route, I decided I wanted to try and complete all the routes because at that point I disliked a huge majority of the characters. I tried Blue Lions next. At first I didn't really have much of an opinion on Dimitri, but he grew on me eventually, because how could I resist such a miserable brooding man that later gets a soft spot for one person (plus his design was kinda badass)? But I will admit, his behavior immediately post-timeskip was kinda annoying. I thought I would dislike Felix, but shockingly, I didn't, I actually liked him. And you know what? Dedue is CRIMINALLY underrated, he's literally probably the nicest and loyalest dude of all time. He got some hate for his race from some characters, and I actually got heated.

After Blue Lions, I knew I had to play through Black Eagles twice if I wanted the last two routes. However, here's the thing. In both previous routes, Golden Deer and Blue Lions, I had loathed Edelgard. But, I thought to myself, I just needed to try her route and maybe I'll change my mind... Well, I was wrong. Edelgard is probably one of the characters I HATE most in any franchise. And I tried so hard to like her, like I would give her gifts and answer dialogue truthfully, only for the relationship thing to go down. Like damn, okay. I just couldn't stand her. The others in her route were mostly fine, I liked Ferdinand, Bernadetta, Caspar, and Petra. But because of Edelgard, I couldn't even finish her route once and it's still uncompleted to this day.

Now... onto Pokemon.

Fun fact, I completed Pokemon Black and White when I was in first grade and couldn't read everything. Don't ask me how I did it, because I honestly have no clue. I've played every gen since then: Black and White 2, X and Y, Sun and Moon, Ultra Sun and Moon, Sword and Shield, Arceus, Scarlet and Violet. I did indeed preorder the game when it was announced, as I have done for the generations before. Where do you think my username comes from? In most pokemon games, I love collecting shiny pokemon. Shiny.

I was hyped for Scarlet and Violet since the first day it was announced. I lost my mind the day it was first announced and eagerly waited months for it. When it came out, I dropped everything for several days. As a regular fan, I always set this tradition for myself to defeat new pokemon games within or around 24 hours and of course, I did so.

The game itself has a lot of issues, namely the glitches and quality of the frames. But, it's on the switch, so that's to be expected. It felt really rushed in that aspect. I just feel like they could do so much better if they really wanted to, like on par with BOTW or TOTK (those games have bad frames too but at least they look a lot better). As for mechanics, I really missed the mechanics from Arceus, but at least Scarlet and Violet improved upon the poor excuse of the open area that was in Sword and Shield.

Story and characterwise, I'm torn.

Here's what I like: (1) the multiple split routes, (2) certain characters.

(1) It made it feel like you really had a lot to do, and that combined with the open area of the entire map made it seem like a lot. It is a lot. So it's really fun to explore and try to complete everything. Even just walking about, you're bound to get distracted, lost, or find something completely new. I was just playing it a while ago after completing everything and there were still little secrets I didn't notice the first time around.

(2) Arven, my god, do I love a guy with mommy AND daddy issues. And he has a dog? I'm hooked. I didn't expect to get attached to him, but I did. I actually prefer his route purely because of the story within it with his companion. I didn't see that coming, and I was so worked up over it. Another character I like, Director Clavell. A good supporting professor, you love to see it. Wish he showed up more though.

Here's what I dislike: (1) the villains, (2) the gym leaders, and (3) other characters, (4) the leveling system. (5) I'll talk about the dlc last.

(1) We haven't had a good villain team in a while. Black and White was super memorable with N, X and Y's Lysandre with Team Flare was a joke, Sun and Moon's Team Skull with Guzma was actually good because they were funny and non-threatening, Sword and Shield with Team Yell was actual trash, and this Team Star being bad guys but not really bad guys was actually so boring. Let's roll it back to Team Aqua literally planning to recreate a great flood or Team Magma planning to create havoc with volcanoes, Team Plasma that wanted to liberate Pokemon, or Team Galactic that were going to harness the power of time/space/universe and their leader is trapped/died in an empty dimension. They don't make Pokemon villains like they used to, huh?

(2) The gym leaders are very forgettable this time around. Like, they don't play much of a role aside battling, and after that you don't really see them again at all. It's a shame, because some of them have potential for greater use and have really good designs. Not to mention, they were all weak as hell.

(3) The Champion was a let down. Geeta (I had to look up her name). I was iffy when I first saw images of her, I didn't like her design but I just decided to go with the flow and I'll probably change my mind. I didn't. She's as forgettable of a champion as Alder and Diantha were. At least we saw Leon in the SwSh a lot and we got to hear from characters about how strong he was. Geeta wasn't like that at all, her team was a joke. Nemona as a rival was annoying, she got on my nerves from the first few moments we met her. I think Penny had potential, but I just didn't like her.

(4) The leveling system was really annoying. What happened was, I tried to complete the other two routes first and save the gym leaders for last. However, when I did this, because I didn't have any gym badges, new pokemon caught wouldn't listen even if my other pokemon were like 20 or more levels above them. So I had to pause the other route, just to do some of the gyms that way I could actually use new pokemon. I know they tried the system to prevent people from just cheating the system by automatically getting high-leveled pokemon from friends, but it just got in the way.

(5) DLC so far... not a fan. I mean, it's something. It's there. It's a thing. But it has nothing so far that makes me like it. The rivals are meh, and the region confuses the hell out of me. I don't get why do Scarlet and Violet region of Paldea based off Spain, but then have a DLC with an island that's so very obviously based off Japan. They could've picked anything around Spain but go back to Japan when 4/9 of the regions are already supposedly based off Japan? Idk, it was kind of a let down to be honest. I haven't completed the dlc, so I still have to do that. The new map is small, but I heard the next dlc is supposed to be huge so here's to hoping that one is better?

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "Should Odd Acquaintance Be Forgot" Episode Followup, Part 3

Man, we're already on to Part 3. I haven't even finished Part 1 of the goddamn episode. I've got 60 total screencaps already.

Hey, I warned you I could amass over 100 in one followup. RIP unlimited Tumblr photo limits.

Blending both episode parts here, so the credits won't be included in this part. With that said, let's go below the break to find out how it all ends.

(A post-editing note: I was informed that Leonie is, in fact, a girl, and not a boy like I thought. I'm keeping the LGBTQ+ theory because we've already gotten gay triangle villain and they could extend that to child villains too, but keep in mind that Leonie is a girl and not a boy. That's my bad.)

Putting aside the fact that Captain O's soft snoring should not be heard from this distance...

...

No, actually, that was the only thing I had for this section.

Looking at this made my back and hips go eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and it's not even the good kind of eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it's the "I just walked five hours without sitting" kind of eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Hi, I'm Seren, I'm in my mid-20s and I'm old as fuck. Get off my lawn.

Komugi Inukai's influence once again lives on in an American-Canadian property that has hopped continents.

Bigger question, though: why...why's it a pentagon? Is that a window? Is that a precinct symbol? WHY THE FUCK IS THAT THERE??????????????

EVIL BBC WORLD NEWS IS STILL KICKING???????????? AHAHAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU FUCKIN' SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!

I mean, if you look at it from a certain angle, it can be a reference to how news companies can do immoral things and still be kicking. In this case, try to knock down a pseudo-government organization, get pwned by one of said organization's leaders, and you'll still have a newscast! FUCK CONSEQUENCES WHAT ARE CONSEQUE- *explodes in a nuclear manner*

The worst oddness in...hold on, this oddness has been contained for half a fucking millennium?

I just...Jesus Christ, this is so unbelievably stupid. World Turned Odd had something going with Odd Todd creating oddness instead of solving it. Having containment units be opened to release oddness is just downright dumb. It's like half-assing your job by shoving oddness in a container and then going back and saying "whoop well I solved the case". But you didn't. You slapped a Dollar Tree bandage on it. Temporary fix.

See, another reason why this whole line of motive logic is stupid: the blame is on you guys just as much as it is on Ozzie.

The man couldn't handle the pressure from a few bad apples and quit, because he most likely didn't get enough training from the previous Director, if any. So he had to ride the wave and then get faced with a small but powerful tsunami.

You guys were allegedly "smart" but couldn't tell that the manual was backwards and didn't bring it up to Ozzie. You took it like the Bible and followed it to the letter and stumbled into creating oddness instead of striving for normalcy. That, and you let your numerical biases get in the way of solving oddness instead of overcoming them, because whoever taught you at the Academy failed at their jobs and/or was severely unqualified.

Not that Tasha will admit to it, of course. But addressing all of these problems would make the finale seem so much better than it currently...ehhh...well, I can't say "than it currently is", because to me, it's not top-tier. It's decent. But you get what I'm saying, surely.

Hey, at least Oxandra got better at the evil laugh thing. Props to her.

Okay, I'm starting to realize that these are the containment units.

So with that said, why is there one on what looks like a top floor of HQ, on display where people can see it? Makes no sense other than for advertising, "look at what we've done" purpo- oh God that's what that is isn't it. FUCKING HELL-

Oddness is invading his workplace and he's fucking worried about food. God bless him. My kind of kiddo.

AAAAAAAHAHAHAHA WHAT???? THEY TRANSPORTED HER TO THE OFFICE...WHY?????????

Oh...that's not even stupid. That's downright hilarious. I can't explain it, but I'm crying and wheezing at how they up and decided to move her from the bench to her chair. All they need is to tie strings to her arms and operate her as a puppet! Of corpse she's alive!

This is gonna lead to him becoming a Director again, isn't he.

Even Orpita becoming the new Big-O-by-function made more sense than this, and that was just plain obvious. This isn't as obvious, but at the same time, I can kinda see where this is going.

I was going to make a comment on Onom's skewed priorities here, but then I noticed the Jesus cross up above his head.

"Okay, I'll take charge. But only until Captain O wakes up."

Beautiful! You got 9 minutes. Chop chop.

Orwell seems to forget that Captain O was a seafarer whose title actually meant something, and Ozzie was not a seafarer in any capacity.

There's also a reason why titles like "Mr. O", "Captain O", "Ms. O", etc. are just that: titles. They are not names. They are titles.

Again, this is a matter that will be expanded on in a future Seren's Study.

Ohhhhh so iss' like th'...th' pienado container...

*long looooooong maaaaaaaaan sigh* My soul hurts. Don't bring a legend of an episode into this. You have no right to desecrate it for your own gain, TASHA.

See, at least with pies, it was understandable that they were bullets because it was understandable that Odd Todd was performing what is essentially attempted mass murder but with pies.

The Terrible Three don't have that same motive, and thus, this isn't a shooting at all. So this paper airplane, while causing massive damage if it hits Ozzie, does not mean the dramatic "HE'S GONNA FUCKIN' DIE FROM A HEAD WOUND" that Tasha thinks it does.

THEY BROUGHT THE LASER BUTTERFLIES BACK FROM "THREE PORTALS DOWN"?????? BE THE FUCK FOR REAL AND TELL ME WHY THEY AREN'T IN THEIR PROPER DIMENSION. TELL ME THAT, TASHA. TELL ME THAT, WRITERS. EXPLAIN YOUR SORRY ASSES.

His middle name is "Gadgets"? Huh, I always thought it was "The".

(Didn't think I'd have to dig in my brain for that reference.)

"New agents" and it's just children from off the streets.

Because fuck the Academy, right? Fuck it! I'm so sorry for asking-

been here less than a year

already knows a damn good chunk of the kids in this playground

I'm sorry, but this walks a very fine line between "convoluted" and "well, it actually makes sense". How does Orli know all these kids beyond just "I made a few friends when I moved here"? Did she just go to the playground on her day off and meet them? The regulars?

Once again, the Academy is always an option, and realistically there is nothing wrong with reusing a shot from "Oscar Strikes Back" and then showing a building they could use as an Investigation building...but they don't. They decide to go this route instead. And suddenly, my theory of "what if they brought back the 13 living legends?" seems sane. Impossible, but sane.

This entire scene just tells me that, if Orli wanted to, she could lead one hell of a cult. Ozzie leads a precinct, she leads a cult devoted to Odd Squad and to him.

"We need you to become Odd Squad agents and help save the town."

That's not how this works...that's not how ANY OF THIS FUCKING WORKS.

Are we just fucking throwing away lore at this point? Across 10 years? Did they even try? Do they even care? Are they just trying to get a passing grade for a weekly paycheck? TF is this, retail? Fast food? Where you do the bare minimum and still get paid?

Y'know, do you guys remember when I said I'm tired of this show as a whole? I may be tired of it, but I still care about it. I can recite lore and infodump on you like no one's business. I still write stories about it. I still talk about it with friends.

This is what happens when you're tired of the show and don't care, but the network still drags you back down into hell after you just crawled your way out of it. And that's despite what the news articles want you to believe.

We are witnessing the absolute potential pinnacle of franchise rot.

Okay, first of all, the fact that this girl uses the "we" worse than the Fresh Prince does.

Second of all, the fact that these kids are absolutely not concerned about dying whatsoever.

Both of these things are capital sins.

What's also a capital sin is calling these kids "new agents" when they are not employees of Odd Squad. It's like if I walked into Target and called myself a cashier when I don't work there.

OH MY GOD SHE IS A VILLAIN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HOLY FUCKING S H I T I CALLED IT?!?!?!?!?!?! BRO I DIDN'T EVEN M E A N THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A NAME THEY GAVE HER!!!!!!!

Oh God...ohhhhh...I got fuckin' blindsided, holy shit. If there's a second season/fifth season, I need an episode dedicated to this villainess right here.

NO ORLI NO!!!! NO DON'T TELL THE VILLAINESS YOUR PLAN!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

You geddit???

'Cause...'cause they're the department colors????

Are you laffin'?

ARE YA LAFFIN' YE-

She doesn't even address any kid by fucking name. And okay, fine, maybe it's because she doesn't know this girl, but still...it's a little demeaning.

Is...is that Plant Room a fixture of Odd Squad??? It's just a greenhouse labeled Plant Room? That's like naming a weed shop 420!

(On to Part 4!)