#and I'm open to explaining why of asked in good faith but I'm not gonna argue with anyone so don't bother
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vitamiiiiins · 2 years ago
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this is a """msp*c l*sbian""" hate blog btw. to be clear
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medicinemane · 2 months ago
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Hey listen, this is something important to me so I'm just gonna ask you to consider doing this
I just spent however long writing something custom (which I'll put after a read more) cause I actually had things I want to say, but you don't need to do that, they've got a preset message you can use if you want
I've been following this invasion since day 1, and I've been actually asking for exactly this for a while now... just with no one to say it to
If you've got questions about what this is even about, ask me
If you've got concerns, tell em to me, I got answers
I'm not asking you to just blindly do this (though I won't tell you no if you want to), this is important to me, I know a fair bit about the subject, I am more than happy to talk to you about it
You want the summary of things though, it's that russian planes bomb Ukrainian civilians (like just today there was a story about a literal playground being bombed, along with the usual apartments) and our current policies won't allow them to use US missiles to strike russian airfields (and NATO allies won't either because we basically get to make this call)
People are dying, changing this policy will help with that, that's why I'm asking you to ask the White House to change this
Anyway, what I wrote below the break
I am grateful for the supplemental aid package President Biden provided Ukraine in April, but restrictions on US weapons use against valid military targets in Russia is hampering Ukraine's ability to defend both it's military and civilians (and let's be blunt, NATO allies like the UK or Germany are not going to authorize their long range munitions to be used unless the US does, we clearly set the rules here)
I've been following this invasion since day 1, every day I check what's been happening in Ukraine. I've followed through the Kharkiv offensive, followed as NATO crossed "red line" after "red line" (Stingers were a red line, then tanks were a red line, and of course F-16s were a major red line… yet Russia never acted once we sent them), followed as Speaker Johnson delayed military aid for months with partisan politics, up to today where I continue to follow Ukraine (for instance just today a 14 year old girl was killed by Russian bombs, fired from planes that took off from airfields we refuse to let Ukraine fire upon)
I understand escalation management, I'm not oblivious to why this administration has taken a cautious course, but between permitting Ukraine to fire US short range munitions shortly after Russia's attempts to move towards Kharkiv (a good choice which blunted that offensive and, again, resulted in no reprisals aside from more attacks on Ukrainian civilians… which happen no matter what); as well as Ukraine's counter offensive into the Kursk region of Russia (which invasion of Russian territory is one of the places Russian doctrine explicitly allows the use of nuclear weapons… and yet… again, nothing), there's been a strong demonstration that the White House's hesitancy to permit the use of long range weapons only serves to get Ukrainian civilians killed
This isn't just my opinion as an American citizen either, the retired Gen. Ben Hodges has repeatedly called for this. Every time I listen to him speak these days without fail he says not to "shoot the arrows, but to shoot the archer", which he explicitly states that he means that striking Russian airbases deep in Russian territory with long range missiles like ATACMS is preferable by far to forcing Ukraine to attempt to intercept incoming drones, missiles, and guided bombs
Ukraine has show itself to be a clever and steadfast ally. They have done so much not only to defend themselves, but to also achieve a major win for US and NATO security, the weakening of Putin's Russia
Thanks to Ukraine, Russia's ability to wage war on NATO neighbors has been decimated, and Russia's geopolitical influence around the world has been severely decreased, and thanks to US and EU cooperation the EU's dependence on Russian gas has dropped to almost nothing. Yet nothing is set in stone, we aren't over the finish line and Ukraine still needs our support, and currently the single best piece of support we can offer is a simple policy change, to let Ukraine strike valid military targets in Russia
This war goes beyond securing Europe against the single greatest threat to them, Russia; our actions here will also strongly impact China and Taiwan in the coming years. There's no way that this administration isn't just as aware as I am (or likely more so) that China is paying very close attention to how we treat our allies… do we support them or leave them to invaders for fear of escalation?
We as NATO truthfully have done a middling job, oscillating between staunch support and then starving Ukraine of the resources and policies they need to win (often because of partisan politics in the US and EU from politicians who seem a little too friendly towards Putin, and far too disdainful for Ukraine)
It's time to finish strong. The past is past, we can't change it, but we get to choose who we are now. I want to be part of an America who stands up for freedom, who supports our allies, and who refuses to let Russia continue their attacks on civilians
Let Ukraine use our weapons on all military targets in Russia! The only range restriction I want in place is the range of the system in question. Let our ally use our military aid to decimate Russian airbases and Russian aircraft, which are the single greatest threat to Ukrainian civilians!
Do the right thing, do what military men like retired Gen. Ben Hodges keep asking this administration to. Every red line has been crossed, both by NATO and Ukraine and we've seen that Russia's most powerful weapon is their saber rattling
Had I known where to write, I would have written much sooner, but now that I know I'm tempted to write every week till this changes (though don't delay like that, every day puts more Ukrainian lives at our feet, our fault that these civilians were killed due to our failure to give the permission so desperately needed to destroy the aircraft killing them). This is a deeply important issue to me, and based off this administration's actions up till now I know that everyone must understand it's importance even beyond Ukraine (Iranian drones, North Korean artillery… this isn't happening in isolation)
I understand this policy comes from a place of good intentions, to keep the world from facing nuclear annihilation. This is the first war of it's kind with a nuclear power fighting it, I understand the caution… but regions of Kursk are controlled by Ukraine and Putin barely acknowledges it, or weapons were used to strike military targets in Belgorod in order to protect Kharkiv and they were only met with more empty bluster
Give Ukraine permission to strike military targets in Russia with our weapons
Razom For Ukraine has made a website to help people in the US contact their government to let them know that Ukraine should be able to strike back.
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#I'm going to schedule this for some time tomorrow when more people are awake#seriously though... you got questions; I will do my best to answer them; and I know this stuff; I don't have to dodge questions#if you read what I sent you probably know most of what those answers will be; but they're good answers#and if you're saying 'why should I care about Ukraine' well... one I gotta be honest with you; it's just cause they're people#but if you want reasons it matters outside of Ukraine (aside from places like Iran being allies or russia)#(and the fact Iran treats it's civilians so badly... seriously... I thought we were all made only like a year ago)#(at how they murdered a woman... all those Iranian protests? did we just... forget that happened?)#but as for ways Ukraine impacts other parts of the world; just googling 'ukraine food aid to palestine'#got me a number of articles that look like they were from around july 18th about 1000 tons of flour being shipped to Palestine#Ukraine is a major provider of food to a lot of places in Africa and the Middle East; it's good they've opened the way to shipping again#but in order to not just toss out an idle claim; typed in 'africa food shortage ukraine' and sure enough#got a lot of articles from 2022 talking about effects from this war on African nations#this stuff matters; Ukraine matters; even if you don't care about Ukraine; I bet I can find a connection to something you care about#one thing paying attention to this war has made me realize is how interconnected everything is in this modern world#I don't know... just ask; you got questions; you got concerns; just ask me with a little good faith and I'll gladly answer#(ie. you hit me with talking about how russia isn't imperialist and I'll have to like you a lot to want to keep talking)#(like it's a lot of effort to want to explain why something like that is so obviously wrong; I need to know you're not just trolling)#(but you want to ask me why it's safe to change this policy; I'll give you concrete reasons and examples)#and listen; if I don't know the answer to something we'll go look together#I'm not trying to smooth talk you; I'm 100% convinced I'm right and that facts and reality back me up#...ask me and then ask our government to stop getting people killed with this policy#side note; cause I feel like people might just ask#why do I talk about Ukraine but not Palestine? cause I know a lot (for an American) about Ukraine#but I know nada of substance about Palestine; my voice is just gonna add to the noise#I see people say 'you really should know about this person or that person before you're talking on Palestine'#well I don't know those people; and it think the people who say I should are honestly correct#Ukraine and Palestine have a lot more in common than people seem to realize; and it's called having your civilians bombed#don't be pitting anyone against anyone; seriously#but why I talk about Ukraine and not Palestine?#cause I can talk about what's going on; I can talk about what went on; I can talk about wagner's role
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negansfavlucille01 · 9 months ago
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JEALOUSY
Negan × female reader (Alexandrian reader, Rick's daughter)
Summary: Negan gets JEALOUS after he finds something in the readers room.
Warnings: 18+, smut, blowjob, spanking, fingering, clit rubbing, nipple sucking, unprotected sex, overprotective Negan.
Note: This is my first fic, so I don't know what I'm doing😅. Feel free to request some ideas for the future.
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"Take your time. Make it good."
Olivia stuttered out a few words before rushing out of the kitchen.
"So, kid.. How about a tour around?" Carl sighed and began showing him around. Negan had taken off his boots and sock, enjoying the softness of the carpet. He checked out the sink, then some other rooms. There was one room that really had his attention. One that Carl didn't wanna show him. "C'mon, what's in there?"
"Nothing special." Carl mumbled.
Negan on the other side, wasn't having it. He opened the door anyway and stepped inside. There was a crib in one of the corners of the room, a bed in the other. He walked over to the crib and picked up Judith. "Look at this little angel..." He rocked her in his arms while she cooed softly.
"So, who's room is that?"
"Y/N's"
"Oh, Y/N's..."
Meanwhile you were just getting back from a supply run with your dad. You both got out of the truck, opening the trunk for Negan's men to see that everything was there.
"You go, I'll finish here." Rick said, while one of Negan's men was looking trough the stuff. You walked back to your house, your shorts lifting up a bit as you did so.
You saw Carl and Olivia sitting at the porch. Carl was holding Judith.
You entered the house without asking any questions. You took off your boots and started walking up the stairs to your room, stopping mid-stair when you heard someone shout "What the fuck?!".
You immediately recognized the voice. You continued walking. When you got to your room you sighed before opening the door. He was there, looking at your thrash bin that was next to your desk. You immediately regretted going in.
"Care to explained?" He said, looking up from the bin, while pointing at it.
"Ummm..." You were speechless. How do you explain that? He'd kill you.
"I want to know. Why do you have a condom in your thrash bin? A used condom."
"I think you can guess."
That only made it worse. He walked up, towering over you. You gulped as you felt his hot breath against your skin. "Who was it?"
"You don't know him..."
"I'd be very fucking glad to meet him, let me tell you that, sweetheart." He gently lifted your chin so you could look at him. It was like he was staring into your soul. His eyes were cold, almost showing no emotion, but there was one thing you could see. Jealousy.
"Get on your knees."
You accepted your faith, getting on you knees in front of him. You knew what he wanted, but you weren't gonna do anything else without a command. "You know what to do."
You nodded.
"So do it."
Lifting your hands off of your thighs where they were resting, you reached for his belt, unbuckling it. You unbuttoned and u zipped his pants, already seeing his hardness through them. Sliding them down along with his boxers, you couldn't help but stare at it. It was big with just the right amount of thickness and the tip was red, already leaking pre-cum.
You wrapped you hands around it, giving it a few strokes before he was solid like cement. Low groans escaped his mouth as you licked the tip, then further to his balls. You took him in your mouth, already gagging on the half of it.
"You can take more. You will take more." He grabbed a handful of hair and pushed you further until your nose was touching his public hair. "There you go. God, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth."
Your eyes watered from the need of oxygen. When he thought that was enough, he let you pull away, still keeping his hand in your hair. You took a deep breath before going back to pleasuring him with your mouth and hands. Soon you felt him twitch in your mouth, as he gripped your hair harder.
"Fuck, I'm close.. So fucking close."
He shoot his warm seed deep in your throat, groaning loudly before pulling you up on your feet. He kissed you harshly, tasting himself on your lips. Negan then pushed you onto the bed, towering over you. Spreading your legs open and setting between them, he kicked off his pants, that were gathered at his ankles. His jacked following, then his white barely see-through t-shirt. He threw them on the floor before focusing on getting you naked for him. He quickly slid off your shorts along with your panties, throwing them aside then ripping your tank top apart, leaving you only in your bra. You could see he was still mad, even tho he had that stupid grin on his face.
"You're mine from now on, capiche?"
You nodded but that wasn't enough for him. His rough hand slapped your ass, making you cry out.
"Yes. Yes, I understand..."
"Good." He reached behind your back, taking your bra off and throwing it to the pile of clothes on he floor. Immediately his lips were on your breast, sucking on the nipple, probably leaving a hickey. This made you moan like crazy, but it got even louder when he reached to rub your clit with his thumb while his two fingers entered you. Negan started pumping them in and out.
"You like that, baby?" His smirk got wider from the cute little noises you made. "Hell yeah, you do."
You whimpered when he pulled his fingers out, wanting more.
"Don't worry. That tight hole won't be unfilled for a long time." With that, he slammed into you, making you scream out. His hand quickly covered your mouth, muffins your cries. Negan's face buried in your neck as he started moving at a slow pace at first. He kissed your neck as you moaned from the feeling of his cock stretching your out. His pace fastened, as he was leaving wet kisses and love bites on your neck and collarbone. He was now fucking you mercilessly. "What, your tight little cunt can't take me all?"
That nasty grin on his face remained as he was giving you pleasure and pain at the same time. You were clinging to him, scratching his back and shoulders. He groaned as your nails dig into his flesh, but that didn't stop him from going.
"Negan..." You cried out, making him smirk even more.
"I know, baby. I know..."
Your walls tightened, signaling to him that you were close. He let out a low growl, buring his head even more in your neck. "I'm gonna cum.."
"Give it to me, baby. Give me everything you have.."
You came with a loud scream, his name coming out of your lips. He kept thrusting, chasing for his orgasm and soon enough you felt him twitch inside you.
"Oh, I'm gonna cum. Can I cum in this tight pussy?"
"What?! No, Ne-"
"That's a yes." He interrupted you before you could finish.
"No, Negan, please don't.."
"I'm gonna fill you up so good.."
You moaned as he shot his hot cum into you. Not that you minded, you just didn't wanna get pregnant yet. But it felt so good that you wanted to do it again. He was panting softly, still groaning. He dropped his weight on you, careful not to crush your tiny body. He finally pulled out, as you whimpered at the loss off him in you, already missing the feeling of him.
"We're definitely doing this again."
"Agreed..."
"I want you to remember who you belong to, princess."
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imaginespazzi · 6 months ago
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Part 6: Leaps of Faith
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Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 7
I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling (you put your arms around me and I'm home)
(In which a writer who can see the end approaching starts building towards that ending)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Angst and Fluff
Words: 8.0K
TW: Swearing, Alludes to Sexual Content
A/N: Good evening my lovelies <3. Happy Sunday and Happy Mothers day! First of all, I wanna thank y'all for being ever so patient with me. I know I've been pretty bad about updating lately and y'all have been so sweet with your asks and I really appreciate it. This fic is very close to its end. I probably could have ended it with this chapter but there's a very specific ending I want to write so this one is more of a self-indulgent filler but I think y'all will like this one. There will be one more chapter and then an epilogue of sorts. Once again, there are most likely logistical inaccuracies. I'm not even gonna lie, the editing on this one is shoddy so there are definitely grammar errors/typos. For now, ignore them and I'll go fix them later. As always, even if we're near the end, feel free let me know what you liked, what you didn't and anything you'd like to see before we get to the end. Have a wonderful week my angels <3
April 2024 
“It’s a little early for ice cream hon,” Azzi jumps at the sound of her mother’s voice, startled eyes following the direction of the noise to find Katie leaning against the kitchen door, with a raised eyebrow. 
“It’s a little early to scare the living bejesus out of me mom,” she says with a hand to her chest. 
If possible, Katie’s eyes roll even further at her daughter’s sarcastic tone as she makes her way over to the kitchen counter. She’s gotten herself a spoon and everything, ready to steal some ice cream for herself, when she notices the flavour. Next to her, Azzi stiffens. 
“You hate mint chocolate chip Az,” Katie says quietly. 
“I couldn’t find the strawberry ice cream,” Azzi defends stubbornly, her face taking on a guarded expression. 
Katie walks over to the freezer, opening it and pointing at the strawberry ice cream, Azzi’s favourite, that’s sitting in plain sight, “it’s right there.”
“Well,” Azzi splutters, “I’m trying something new,”. 
“You hate trying new things.”
“I’ve grown up I guess.”
“Azzi.”
“Mom.”
“Azzi, why are you eating ice cream you hate at 4 in the morning?” Katie finally asks in her best mom voice, sighing when she gets a mumbled response from her daughter, “in words Az, please.”
“Paige likes it,” Azzi admits slowly, and before Katie can say anything, before Azzi can dwell on what she’s said, she launches into a rant, “god knows why. Actually I know why because she’s stupid and weird and likes the dumbest shit. Who the fuck likes mint? Who the fuck likes mint and chocolate together? Gross. This shit is disgusting. It tastes all wrong. Paige is just-,” Azzi throws her hands up in the air, “she just doesn’t understand that some things don’t belong together. They can’t. They’re too different and it just- there’s a fucking balance to things you know? And she just- she doesn’t get that. It’s just- it’s not meant to be.”
“That doesn’t explain why you’re eating it right now,” Katie says carefully. 
“Because I miss her,” the truth bursts out of Azzi like an erupting volcano, burning itself into every crevice of her skin, “because for some fucking reason I don’t hate the taste of mint chocolate chip. Because maybe they do go together and maybe I’ve been the stupid one this whole time.”
Since she’d stepped out of the hotel in Cleveland, all Azzi could think about was going back, saying fuck it to all the useless logic she’d come up with and going back to the only thing in her life that had ever made sense her Paige. But as it often did in that clichéd battle between head and heart, her head had won out. And she’s never questioned why her head wins so much, why she’s always chosen to listen to the practical side of her brain, until now. Until now when the urge to turn back time, to make herself stay in that hotel room, is all that’s consumed her for the last week. 
“Azzi,” Katie wraps her arms around the younger girl, “what happened with you and Paige?”
Azzi hesitates for a second and then everything’s spilling out of her lips, the good, the bad, the inbetween, all of it tumbles out like an uncontrollable waterfall. There’s something freeing about being able to say it all out loud, something freeing about the tears Azzi finally lets roll down her cheeks. She grips the edge of the counter to keep herself from keeling over, starting to feel herself crumble under the heaviness of all these stupid feelings. 
“It shouldn’t be this hard,” Azzi whispers, “we used to be so easy.”
“Oh Az,” Katie rubs a thumb against her daughter’s cheek, “you used to be kids. You’re all grown up now. It’s always harder when you’re older.”
“Well, I don’t like it. I just want to be the way we were again.”
“So why don’t you?” Katie asks like it’s the most simple solution in the world and Azzi shoots her mother an exasperated look. 
“What do you mean? How do we even do that? We can’t be just friends again. We tried. Were you not listening at all?”
“Azzi, sweetheart, you’ve never been just friends.”
“That’s not true,” it’s a futile attempt at arguing against what’s become more of a fact than an opinion in Azzi’s life. It’s a truth she’d let herself acknowledge once and then buried deep within her, scared that once unleashed, it would ruin everything. Except, it turns out, even without it, things had still turned to dust.  
“Do you remember when you came home from Minnesota that first summer with Paige? You were either moping around or you were on call with her. There was no in between. It got better eventually, the moping stopped but the calls? I think you fell asleep on facetime with her almost every night. And you were tired every morning after, you barely had time to eat before school but every time I suggested that maybe you cut back, that was never an option,” Katie smiles fondly, “it’s when I knew.”
Azzi does remember, remembers talking about everything and nothing, remembers laughing and crying, remembers when Paige’s breathing was the only lullaby that could relax her into sleeping. And she remembers battling with that voice in her head, the one convinced there’s something more, silencing it with I’d do this with anyone. But that wasn’t true then and it’s not true now because Paige has never been just anyone, never been just a friend. Because even if Azzi’s never been brave enough to say it out loud, Paige is and has always been everything.
Despite knowing the answer and maybe dreading it just a little bit, Azzi asks it to her mom anyway, “what did you know?”
“That she was your person. You were too young, I couldn’t call it love just yet but I knew Paige was different then, she was yours in a way none of your other friends were. You were different around her,” Katie nudges her daughter, “Azzi you’ve always been just a little bit in love with her and she’s always been just a little bit in love with you too. The two of you have just been a matter of time.”
Azzi closes her eyes, and unlike other people, she doesn’t see darkness or little spots of light, she just sees Paige. Her mother’s words wash over her, like acid in her self-inflicted fight the feelings wounds and yet, the idea of she’s loved me too feels like a band-aid being delicately placed on the scars of her heart. 
“And place,” she whispers, eyes still closed, “we never seem to get time and place right.”
“Why do you need to?”
Another exasperated look is sent Katie’s way at that question, “we live on different sides of the country mom, what do you mean why do we need to?”
“I mean the two of you have barely ever been in the same place. But you made it work, when you had even less, when you felt even less. But you’re adults now. You have other resources now. And I know timing is difficult but- it’s you and Paige. What are you so scared of Azzi?”
Azzi sucks in a deep breath, “what if Paige runs away again?”
“What if you run away again?”
“Excuse me?” 
“Who was the last person to walk away, Azzi?,” Katie sighs when Azzi is adamantly silent, “I know she hurt you by leaving. I know she hurt you by pushing you away. But you did the same thing. You chose UCLA,” Katie holds up a hand when a frustrated Azzi tries to interrupt, “and it was the right decision for you Azzi and she should have supported it. But that doesn’t meant you didn’t hurt her and then you chose Zoe-”
“I didn’t choose Zoe-”
“Yes you did Azzi. Sweetheart you’re my daughter and I will always tell you the complete truth even if it’s not what you wanna hear. And the truth Azzi is that Paige might have hurt you in 101 different ways but that doesn’t mean you didn’t hurt her back in 99 different ways too.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Azzi whispers, “that’s the problem mom. It hurts when she hurts me but it hurts even more when I hurt her. I don’t want that for us but I just- I just don’t know how to stop it without stopping us.”
“You haven’t even tried, baby. Paige held out a hand and you ran away.”
“She left first. How am I supposed to trust that she won’t just do that again," all that’s missing from Azzi’s stubborn whine is a foot stomp.
“Because she came back. It took her a little bit, I know, but she came back and she’s ready to fight, the question is, are you?”
“Why are you defending her?” Azzi splutters, “who’s side are you even on?”
“There are no sides to this sweetheart. The two of you are on the same side. So maybe instead of fighting against her, take that hand, fight with her.”
***
The WNBA draft is a momentous occasion this year. With a hyped draft class like no other, and the promise of even greater ones in the future, there’s a sense of celebratory hope dangling in the air. When the invite had first come in, Azzi had known the same one would be sent to a certain blonde in Connecticut as well. And a part of her had wanted to hide herself away from that possible collision, but every other part of her wanted nothing more than to get just a glimpse of the blonde.
One moment Azzi is surrounded by flashing cameras and the echo of her name on everyone’s lips, the next everything around her is fading away her eyes meet Paige’s on the other end of the WNBA draft orange carpet. It’s nothing new really. Since she’s met her, the blonde has commandeered all of Azzi’s attention whenever she’s nearby. Sometimes it feels like all of her other five senses fade away to give birth to a secret sixth one, one that’s solely dedicated to Paige, one that’s terrifyingly all-consuming. And yet, despite the heaviness of we’ve said too many goodbyes, for the first time in what feels like eternity, Azzi feels like she can finally breathe. 
And then Paige looks away. 
And Azzi’s back to struggling for air. 
It’s selfish of her, she knows, to expect something, not when she’d been the one to leave them stranded on different islands. But Azzi doesn’t seem to think logically when it comes to Paige and even as she tries to turn her focus back to posing for the camera, every inch of her body is dangerously aware of the blonde’s every move, just a mere few feet away from her. Her conversation with her mother is echoing in her head, giving rise to dangerous desires of what if i grabbed your hand and we ran away together. 
Paige is a natural on the orange carpet, all dazzling smiles and twinkling eyes. She glides through it, inching closer and closer to Azzi, but never giving away any sense of discomfort. And if it was anybody else, maybe they’d never catch onto the nerves hidden beneath Paige’s facade of calm, cool and collected. But once upon a time Paige used to be Azzi’s favourite puzzle and she has every part of the blonde committed to memory. It’s in the way Paige’s teeth gnaw at her lips for the briefest of seconds, in the way her right index finger is begging to tap a beat against where her hands rests on hips, in the way she’s blinking just one too many times. 
And then with one more heavy footed step from Paige, the distance between them is barely a couple inches and they let out identical breaths of air, both of them keeping their focus on the cameras in front of them. It’s loud, too loud, and still all Azzi can focus on is the sound of Paige breathing. The air around them is thick with tension. It feels a bit like they’re silhouetted against a sky made of words they’ve left unsaid and clouds of all the bitter mistakes they’ve made are hanging over their heads. And when their pinkies brush together, and a jolt of electricity sends shivers of I miss you more every day again her skin, Azzi questions if she’s ever made the right decision when it comes to Paige. 
“Wait wait wait,” Ari cuts in, as she squeezes herself in between the two of them, “I wanna get in between the two of you.”
A harsh cry of no sits heavily on the top of Azzi’s tongue as the older woman forces a break in whatever little bit of contact she’d had with Paige. She feels a little pathetic, the way every little inch of her skin is craving for that touch back. It had been nothing, a barely there moment and still Azzi thinks, when she goes to bed tonight, if that was all she’d get of Paige, then it’ll be the only thing that’ll feature in her dreams. 
“Alright one with just Paige and Azzi,” Ari directs the media, stepping out of the way and pushing the two younger girls together. And it’s laughable that a little brush of their pinkies had Azzi feeling any type of way because when they’re suddenly pressed together, every inch of Paige’s side fitting into Azzi’s like it belongs, the way the world suddenly bursts with light and colours makes Azzi wonder if every moment without Paige has simply been monochrome. 
It comes to them naturally how to pose together, arms winding around each other’s waist, heads involuntarily leaning against the other’s. And the smiles might be for the cameras but Azzi knows hers is the most real it’s been all night. It might be temporary, she might lose Paige in the chaos, but for now Paige is here and Azzi has learned how to be content with whatever little she can get. 
As the media moves to capture other people, the logical thing to do would be to separate, to let go of each other. But instead they stand there, still completely wrapped around each other, heart rates in sync as they breathe in each other’s presence. And then Paige’s hand falls from the small of Azzi’s back to tangle their fingers together and they let out identical sighs of relief, something so cathartic in the purposefulness of that touch. Everyone is too busy to notice that the two of them have fallen into a whole other world, one where there’s only two of them and every emotion that they’ve only reserved for the other. There’s no words exchanged as Paige guides the two of them out of the spotlight, somehow keeping their hands clasped together in secret, despite the ever growing crowd. And Azzi doesn’t know this building at all, doesn’t have the faintest clue where she’s being led to, but as long as it’s Paige pulling her along, she doesn’t care where, she thinks she’d go anywhere. 
Paige stops abruptly in a secluded corridor, turning to fully face Azzi. And the sincerity in the blonde’s crystalline blue eyes, as they roam every inch of Azzi’s body before coming to fixate on her face, steals the air away from Azzi’s lungs. Paige has gotten better over the years at building walls, but with every new lock she places on her emotions, there’s a key to open them that seems to always find its way to Azzi. In the delicate golden hue, Paige shines brighter than any star ever could and in the dim light Azzi can make out every bit of hurt and love and please can we just have this moment that Paige can’t put into words. 
“Hi,” Azzi whispers softly, hands itching to reach out and caress Paige’s skin. 
“Hi,” Paige says back, even quieter. She stares at Azzi as if she’s memorising every little detail and then her face crumbles. Azzi feels her heart drop at the single tear that trickles down Paige’s cheek as she lets out a broken whimper. And this, this unspoken power they seem to have over each other, the uncanny ability to just hurt each other without any bit of effort, is what scares Azzi the most. It’s too much. They shouldn’t be able to do this. 
“Paige,” Azzi’s fingers twitch but she hesitates, not knowing if it’s the right thing, “fuck- P what’s wrong?”
Paige doesn’t reply, eyes wandering down to where Azzi’s trying to keep her hands still against her sides and when she looks back up, her eyes are bloodshot, “what’s wrong? What’s not wrong Azzi? You won’t even fucking touch me.”
“I didn’t-” Azzi struggles to speak, “I didn’t think you’d want me to.”
“Can you just- fuck- can you just stop overthinking things for once in your life. Of course I want you to touch- you know what nevermind. This was a bad idea. You made yourself clear and I’m just- fuck- I should- I should just go.”
She sounds adamant enough but all it takes, when Paige moves to leave, is the strangled cry that leaves Azzi’s lips. The sound is enough to pull Paige right back in. She takes one look at the tears brimming in Azzi’s eyes. And then she’s pushing Azzi against a wall, hands on either side caging the younger girl between her body and the hard surface behind. She presses their foreheads together and Azzi feels like every part of her might just be a part of Paige too. 
“I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. It’s barely been two weeks and I- fuck- Azzi- I’ve missed you every single second and now you’re here and I still miss you. And it really fucking hurts.”
“I’m sorry,” Azzi whispers, finally letting her hands cup Paige’s cheeks, and it’s worth it for the way Paige seems to completely melt into her touch, “I’m sorry I keep hurting you. I keep thinking I’m doing the right thing but- I don’t know- I feel like I’m always doing the wrong thing when it comes to you. I don’t- I don’t know what to do.”
“Just let me be with you,” Paige’s voice is wrecked with desperation as she presses herself as close to Azzi as possible, “I’ll be your whatever- whatever you give me- whatever you want- I just- I just want you Az- whatever little bit you’re willing to give me- I’ll take it- and if you want me to wait- fuck Azzi- I’d wait forever- you know that right? However long it takes, baby. Just want you- just want us.”
Leaps of faith are scary. Azzi’s never been great at taking them, too cautious, too much of a worrier. She’s more of a step back from the cliff kind of person. If she doesn’t jump, she can’t fall. But here’s the thing, when she was fourteen, Azzi jumped off of her first hypothetical cliff. It had been on a plane, when after avoiding one too many deep questions, Azzi had admitted to a girl she barely knew,that maybe she could like girls. It was the first time she’d ever let herself acknowledge that truth about herself and the girl next to her was a stranger but there was something about her, something that screamed i’ll hold your hand and if you jump it’ll never be alone. And ever since then, that girl, Paige, has always been there. Hands outstretched, ready to jump off any ledge. Because if there’s hard ground underneath, then they’ll learn how to fly together and if there’s water, they’ll figure out how to swim. With Paige there has always been the promise that, whatever it is, they’ll figure it out together. And it’s with that promise in mind, that Azzi takes the leap of faith. 
“Me too,” Azzi whispers, heart beating erratically. 
“What?” Paige searches Azzi’s face, as if waiting for her to take it back. 
“Us. You. You and me. I want that too,” a ghost of a smile begins to creep onto Azzi’s face, and for the first time in god knows how long, she feels feather light, a little bit like she’s floating on a rainbow. 
“You mean it?” Paige asks earnestly, hands moving from the wall to clutch at Azzi’s waist, “don’t play-Azzi- okay- you mean it for real?”
“I do. I want this- I want this so much and I’m still- I’m still really scared and maybe it’ll be a disaster but I- I want to try. With you.”
Azzi used to think she knew all of Paige’s smiles. Her small, not quite fake, but only for cameras and people she didn’t quite know, smiles. Her just for my friends smile that was filled with mirth and childlike joy. Her basketball smile that transformed into a smirk when she got too cocky. Her only for Drew smile, soft and filled with so much adoration and pride. Her Azzi smile, the one only the brown-skinned girl gets to experience, a smile that made Azzi’s her heart swell with love. But the smile that stretches across Paige’s face now, is one Azzi’s never seen before. This one throws Azzi’s entire world of balance, so bright, so big, so full of emotions. If she could, she’d tattoo that smile onto her skin forever. 
“We’re really doing this?” Paige asks, still a little stunned. It wasn’t what Azzi had planned for tonight. She hadn’t really had any plans for what would really happen. But then Paige had walked in and all Azzi could see was forever she was tired of fighting against. 
“We should take it slow okay-” Azzi wraps her arms around the older girl’s neck, keeping their foreheads still against each other’s, “I don’t- I don’t wanna rush into things and fuck it up. I can’t- fuck- I can’t lose y-”
“You won’t,” Paige swears, squeezing at Azzi’s wait, “I won’t let you. We can take it slow. We can take it however you want- I just- we’re doing this?”
“Yeah,” Azzi can’t help the grin that fills up her entire face, “yeah we’re doing this.”
And as they surge forward to claim each other’s lips, and as they meld every inch of themselves into each other, and as they smile and cry into the kiss simultaneously, and as they etch promises into each other skin, and as they let themselves finally fall into each other, for each other, it feels a lot like coming home. 
***
July 2024 
The early morning sunlight casts a dark shadow across Paige’s face, causing the still asleep blonde to scrunch up her face in irritation. Azzi, who’s been awake for nearly half an hour now, can’t help the fond smile that creeps onto her own lips. She shifts herself to block the sun and Paige lets out a content sigh, burrowing herself further into her pillows. And the thing is every moment with Paige is special but there’s something about waking up to her in the morning. Azzi’s always awake first and it gives her ample time to just admire the girl in her arms, blond hair tousled all over her pillow, lips parted slightly open, and one arm always, always, splayed across Azzi’s torso, holding her close. Over the course of time, Azzi’s found out that the second she moves, Paige seems to feel her leave, waking up instantly. 
There had been an adjustment period if Azzi's honest. It had taken her a while to shake that fear of Paige not being there in the morning. The first morning, she’d been scared to open her eyes, even if she could feel Paige’s presence right next to her. That had been one of the few mornings that Paige was fully awake first, hovering above Azzi to wake her up. And when she finally did get the courage to open her eyes, the first thing Azzi had seen was Paige, blue eyes sparkling with unfiltered adoration, a smile filled with promises of every morning just like this. And that had been enough. 
Azzi reaches out to brush a hand through Paige’s soft blond hair, mesmerised by how pretty Paige looks in the morning glow. A lot of Paige belongs to the world now and Azzi’s not opposed to sharing really, because someone so fucking perfect, deserves to be celebrated like that. But there are some parts of Paige that belong to Azzi and Azzi only, some parts Azzi cherishes as being only hers. This is one of them and Azzi takes a snapshot of it, knowing she’ll need it to function in a few months, when she won’t get the real thing. 
“Are you watching Paige sleep?” Azzi almost jumps at the sound of Drew’s voice at the doorway, having been too immersed in Paige to have even heard the door open, “that’s kinda creepy Azzi.”
“Jesus Drew, whatever happened to knocking?”
“I forgot?” Drew grins, before he plops on the bed, the force of it making the whole frame shake a little bit. 
“Drew!” Azzi chides, “you’re gonna wake her up.”
Drew cocks his eyebrows, sparing his sister, who seems unphased by the sudden little bit of chaos around her, still fast asleep, an unimpressive look, “please she can sleep through anything. Besides, it’s already 9. I thought we were gonna do things. I been up for aaaages.”
“She’ll be awake soon,” Azzi smiles, ruffling the younger boy's hair. Drew rolls his eyes and it’s remarkable how much he resembles Paige, not just by face, but the mannerisms too. 
He huffs for a second before his eyes sparkle with an idea, “what if we pour water on her!”
“Drew!” Azzi chastises again, trying not to giggle. 
“Boo,” Drew crosses his arms across his chest, “you used to be so cool Azzi.”
Azzi laughs as she’s reminded of a younger version of herself, scheming with Drew on how to wake Paige up. And it’s not that she’s beyond that really, tucking the water idea for a rainy day, but Paige looks too peaceful this morning and she wants to preserve that look of serenity on the older girl’s face for just a little bit longer. 
“Hey Azzi,” Drew says after a while and Azzi hums in response, “when you and Paige get married, I can still be a groomsman right? Even if there’s no grooms?”
“Wha- where did that come from?” the brunette’s eyes widened at the question, sitting up a little straighter. 
Drew peers up at her with all the innocence of a pre-teen, “you are gonna get married right?”
“I don’t-”
“It’s too early for your yapping Drew,” Azzi’s saved from answering by Paige’s tired voice entering the conversation. She looks over to find Paige’s eyes already on her, a soft smile playing on her lips as she looks up at Azzi. If Drew wasn’t sitting right there, Azzi would lean over and kiss her and let Paige deepen it until they were both satisfied. 
“Oh thank god,” Drew cheers dramatically, “I thought you were gonna sleep forever.”
Paige scoffs, the arm that’s still wrapped around Azzi’s torso tightening its hold, “I wish.”
“Well you’re awake now so get up,” Drew whines, moving from his spot on the end of the bed, to flop on top of Paige’s body instead, “get up, get up, GET UP.”
“Get off,” Paige groans but there’s no real force behind it. Azzi watches with a fond smile, as Paige flips Drew over so that she can tickle him, eliciting rounds of laughter from the younger boy. Something in her heart flutters, her mind going back to Drew’s question. She’s never really been one to think too hard about marriage and children and that domestic suburban life, leaving it up to fate, but now- well, maybe. 
“Okay aight aight enough. Go get ready for breakfast and we’ll be down in a second,” Paige says, ushering Drew off of the bed. 
“You can just tell me you want me to leave so you can kiss Azzi you know?” Drew scrunches up his nose, “you two are gross.”
Paige sends him a stern look and gets a dramatic eye roll in return but as he always does, Drew does as he’s told, mock saluting the two of them and skipping out of the room. 
“He’s right by the way,” Paige says softly, turning back to where Azzi’s leaning against the backboard, “I do want to kiss you.”
Azzi smirks lopsidedly, “what’s stopping you?”
She squeals in surprise when Paige pulls her, the force of it causing both of them to tumble onto the front-end of the bed. Azzi ends up on top of Paige, hands resting around her neck, the blonde’s hands holding her waist in place. 
“Good morning,” Paige grins, clearly proud of herself as she chases Azzi’s lips to pull her into a searing kiss.
“Good morning,” Azzi whispers back, thumb caressing Paige’s left cheek.  
“Just so you know,” Paige pulls away, a determined glint in her eyes, “we’re so getting married one day.”
***
October 2024
Azzi’s mood has been rancid for the last couple of weeks. It’s terrible she knows; it makes her irritating to play with and a nightmare to live with. But even if this had been expected, that she would be on one end of the country and her heart would be on the other side, it doesn’t stop her from constantly being in a state of missing Paige. And it’s different from before, now that there’s a certain surety of of course i’ll see you soon but soon never really feels soon enough. 
“Azzi can you please get the door,” Kiki calls from her room when the doorbell rings. 
“I’m busy,” Azzi grunts back, snuggling further into her pillow with a book she isn’t actually reading, “you go get it.”
“Azzi please, I’m literally in the middle of getting dressed,” Kiki yells exasperatedly. 
If it wasn’t for the fact that she’s pretty sure her teammates are about this close to plotting her murder, and deservedly so, Azzi would sink back onto her bed and let the incessant doorbell noise continue. But she does love her teammates, thinks Kiki probably deserves to change in peace, and it forces her out of bed, grumbling away about annoying visitors. Until she actually gets a look at the visitor. Paige stands on the doorstep, confident as ever, a bouquet of roses and peonies and lilies in her hand. 
“You’re here,” Azzi breathes out, staring in awe. 
“And thank fucking god she is,” Kiki quips from behind her, “maybe we can finally get our old happy Azzi back and not this bitch.”
Paige laughs, “watch how you talk about my girl Rice.”
“You’re here. You’re really here,” Azzi whispers again. 
“I heard you missed me baby,” Paige says, her cocky smirk betrayed by the softness in her voice. And then Azzi is flying into her arms, throwing Paige off balance. 
“So fucking much,” Azzi admits into Paige’s neck, eliciting a giggle from the blonde, “Kiki’s right. I have been a bitch.”
“Just a little bit,” Kiki calls out again but there’s a new fondness in her voice. It’s funny how her team, even the haters, have slowly become Paige fans. They’d been hesitant at first, just like the UConn girls, but now well, it seems the basketball world’s Montagues and Capulets have learned to accept their star players’ relationship. 
“Missed you too Az,” Paige’s tone is vulnerable as they break away, “alright, go get changed, I wanna take you somewhere.”
“Or…,” Azzi presses her lips to Paige’s neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses, “we could stay here and do something else.”
Paige shivers under her touch, stepping away to keep some semblance of control “n-no I have plans,” but she can’t help but kiss Azzi’s pout away, “it’ll be worth it, I promise. Besides,” she bites at Azzi’s ear, “there’s always later.”
***
“Your big plans are to bring me to the supermarket,” Azzi cocks an eyebrow as they walk down one of the many aisles, “you turned down sex for this? Should I be offended?”
Paige doesn’t say anything, concentratedly looking at signs, trying to figure out a specific section, before an aha! moment dances over her face, and she pulls Azzi with her, the younger girl going willingly, despite the eye roll. She stops triumphantly in front of the sushi section and Azzi looks at her quizzically. 
“I’m getting you supermarket sushi,” Paige says pointedly, “and then you can get me mac and cheese.”
And if you brought me sushi I’d have brought you your favourite mac and cheese. Oh. The realisation of what Paige is doing trickles around Azzi a little bit like rain after a long summer drought. She thinks back to the bouquet, everything suddenly making sense.
“You’re such a dork Paige Bueckers,” Azzi says softly, tapping the older girl’s nose. 
“Your dork,” Paige grins cheesily, “now hurry up and pick one. I don’t wanna miss the sunset.”
***
Once she catches on it, it doesn’t surprise Azzi to find that Paige has everything planned out perfectly, down to the exact spot in the park- the one by Paige’s recovery airBnB, the one they’d taken countless walks in trying to repair their friendship- where the two of them can be away from everybody else, in their own little bubble. And she has a picnic blanket, that’s a little small but they don’t really want space from each other anyways. They lean against a tree, food set up in front of them, Paige’s laptop, carefully piled on top of a couple of books to be the perfect height, set a little bit further away. 
“So what NBA game are we watching?” Azzi asks with a smile and Paige groans, “what? Was that not part of the plan?”
“Dude come on. It’s the beginning of October. Please tell me you know the NBA season isn’t happening yet,” Paige rubs her temple, only a little endeared by the comment, “are you sure you’re a basketball player?” 
“There are games in October. I swear I’ve seen them before,” Azzi says sceptically. 
“Yeah at the very end of the month, not right now.”
“Well then close enough,” Azzi says indignantly, “I don’t need to know the exact day.”
“Whatever you say baby,” Paige acquiesces with a smirk and it earns her an elbow to the stomach, “what the fuck? That shit’s domestic violence you know?”
“Big words Bueckers, didn’t think you knew them,” Azzi teases, placing a kiss against Paige’s offended expression, before settling herself against the blonde’s side, sighing contentedly when she gets a kiss on her temple in return. They’re cliché enough to put on Love and Basketball, but Azzi doesn’t really end up watching much at all. In between slow kisses, she almost falls asleep a couple of times, the comfort of Paige’s arms like a blanket wrapping her in the warmth of this is my fairytale. 
“THE POLAROID,” Paige’s shout breaks Azzi out of her haze as she feels her body being shaken off, the blonde rummaging through her bag for the camera, “we have to take the polaroid. My wall needs it.”
“Oh yeah a tiny polaroid picture of us inbetween all your Lebron posters, a perfect fit,” Azzi drawls only to be met with a scathing look from Paige. 
“It’s for important things and Lebron is the most important of them all,” Paige explains with complete seriousness, as she finally finds the polaroid camera and shimmies back to Azzi with it in hand. 
The sunset is beautiful. Pink, purple, orange and blue, all blending together to create the perfect picture. But Azzi thinks it’s not nearly as beautiful as the girl in front of her, not nearly as beautiful as the date Paige had planned, not nearly as beautiful as the future she can so clearly see now. Her mind drifts back to the night of the phone call, and she can almost hear Paige’s sobs again, can still hear her own voice breaking. Back then, they had seemed impossible, a butterfly like dream that danced out of their grasp. 
“Hey,” Paige captures her chin with two fingers, “where’d you go?”
Azzi shakes her head, “nowhere. I’m right here. With you. Where I should be.”
“Sappy goof,” Paige snorts but she kisses Azzi like she’ll take those words and hide them in the labyrinth of her mind, protect them there forever. 
Taking the picture is a task, both of them bickering about angles and lights. It’s unnecessary arguing, in true Paige and Azzi fashion really but there’s something so mundanely domestic about it that Azzi finds herself wanting to memorise this moment too. They finally get the frame just right, somewhere in between what they both wanted. Azzi smiles at the camera, her Paige smile, as the blonde in question presses her lips against her cheeks. 
Click. 
And Azzi hopes, that however many years later, when they have a home of their own, amidst all the photos that they’ll take over the next years, this one will be hung somewhere on their wall, a testament to finally realising every dream they’d dared to dream together. 
***
December 2024 
There are pebbles being thrown at her window and Azzi has to stop herself from laughing when she peers down to see Paige, freezing cold in the Virginia December air, staring up at her with a goofy smile. She shakes her head when her phone rings, knowing it’s Paige and answers it with her own foolish grin. 
“What exactly are you doing?” Azzi asks, “come back to bed.”
“You said I was unromantic. I’m trying to be romantic,” Paige’s teeth chatter in the cold, as she balances her phone in one hand, still throwing rocks with the other. 
“I didn’t say that and throwing rocks at my window is supposed to be romantic? You’re going to wake the whole house up.”
“That’s what they do in all the good rom coms. And you said and I quote ‘we’re kind of boring’. You might be boring Azzi Fudd but I most definitely am not.”
It had been a throwaway comment Azzi had made at dinner with some friends from high school. One of her friends had been going on and on about some adventurous trip that she and her boyfriend were going on, and then asked Paige and Azzi if they had any of that planned. To which Azzi had replied that they were a little too busy, considering they were college basketball players still in season, and besides they were “kind of boring” people. She hadn’t meant it in any type of way. Personally, Azzi likes boring. Paige however, seemed to have taken the comment to heart and Azzi had woken up at 2 a.m. to an empty bed and the sound of something being thrown at her window. 
“Okay I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You're really interesting baby and the most romantic person in the world. Now will you please come back to bed,” Azzi concedes, already missing the feeling of being cuddled up in her blankets with Paige’s body heat keeping her nice and toasty. 
“No,” Paige says indignantly, “come down here.”
“Paige, it's freezing. It’s gonna start snowing any minute.”
“Exactly. That’s exciting.”
“Sleep is exciting,” Azzi whines, but she’s already padding around her room looking for a warm sweater, grumbling under her breath about the warm California sun she’s missing. She tiptoes down the staircase, wincing at the one step that creaks just a little too much, before pushing herself out the door. And it’s freezing cold, there’s sleep in her eyes, but it’s all worth it Azzi thinks, it’ll always be worth it, just to experience Paige’s smile. 
“Knew you’d come,” Paige grins cockily, mittened hands pulling Azzi into her.
“Yeah yeah. What are we even doing?”
“Azzi Fudd,” Paige bellows dramatically, “may I have this dance.”
Azzi stares at Paige’s outstretched hand wondering if this is some sort of cry for help, but one look at Paige’s face tells her that the girl in front of her is being absolutely serious. 
“This is your idea of exciting? Dancing in the street while it’s freezing with no music?” Azzi raises an eyebrow, but she takes Paige’s hand. 
“It’s spontaneous,” Paige says the last word with a flourish, as she spins Azzi, “why not dance in the street when it’s freezing with no music?”
And well, that’s a fair point. If anyone were to look out their window that night, they’d probably think the two girls were somewhat crazy. Laughing and giggling and tripping over each other as Paige hums a melody and Azzi occasionally joins in. It’s ridiculous and corny and cliché and perfect. And then the first little bit of snow falls, white drops circling around the two dancing girls, snowflakes catching on their eyelashes. The dim glow of the streetlight is enough to catch identical smiles on the two girl’s faces as they revel in each other. 
“You know some people say if you make a wish during the first snowfall, it’ll come true,” Paige whispers, still waltzing the two of them around, cheek pressed to Azzi’s, “you wanna try?”
And the thing is Azzi doesn’t really believe in all of that, in magic but something about Paige, something about this moment feels magical. It makes a believer out of Azzi. 
“Yeah,” Azzi smiles, “let’s make a wish.”
They stand still, holding hands, eyes closed, both a little breathless, as they make their wishes. And when they open them, if it feels a little bit like maybe their wishes have already been granted, well they’ll share it in a secret smile but never out loud. After all, wishes don’t come true if you speak of them. 
***
April 2025
7 seconds to go in the National Championship and Azzi’s UCLA Bruins are down by two points. It’s her last chance, having already declared for the 2025 WNBA draft, to win a national championship, to bring home their first basketball national championship since the 1978 team that had won the AIAW championship, to win their first NCAA championship ever. It had taken some sheer luck to get to this point if Azzi’s honest. As a two-seed in the Spokane region, they’d benefitted from their one-seed having been eliminated early and then getting to face a Cinderella six-seed in the final four. On the other side of the bracket, UConn, the favourites coming for a repeat, had been stunned by another team, the team that UCLA was now facing. That had caused a bit of a second-hand sting and Azzi’s not really trying to take revenge for Paige, but it'd be a lie to say the get back at them for me babe from earlier this morning isn’t ringing in her head. 
The play is simple, set screens for Azzi, get her open, get her the ball. A two would get them to a tie and three would win it outright. Either will do. It’s a little too reminiscent of last year when Azzi had failed at tying the final 4 game and she can still feel that loss on the tips of her fingers. They break out from their last timeout, breathlessly running to their spots on the floor. The whistle blows, Kiki inbounds the ball and everything is a blur. All Azzi knows is the shot clock is winding down. She runs off of what feels like a million screens. And then she’s open on the wing, for a millisecond. A perfect pass from Kiki makes sure the ball lands straight in Azzi’s hand. And she doesn’t think, doesn’t breathe, doesn’t even notice the defender put up a hand, she shoots the ball. There’s two people on the court that know for sure that ball is going in the minute it leaves Azzi’s fingers, the shooter herself and her biggest fan in the stands, who’s been just a little bit in love with that shooting stroke, since before anything else had even begun. 
With a delicate swish, the ball falls through the net, the buzzer sounds around the arena, the crowd explodes in blue and gold, as the UCLA Bruins win the 2025 national championship. 
Everything stills in Azzi’s brain for a second, her thoughts taking a second to catch up to reality. She’s never really been one to emotion on the court, keeping herself steely guarded through most games, even at the very end. But now, triumph and pride and just utter happiness at finally achieving one of her biggest dreams, comes roaring to the surface, manifesting itself throughout her entire body, as she lets out a scream of joy. Her teammates engulf her and she gets lost in a sea of hugs and tears and bright, decadent smiles. 
As thing start to calm down, there’s really only one thing on Azzi’s mind and Paige’s words echo in her ears, because if I’m gonna end up fucking crying, then I want it to be on your shoulder. And if I’m gonna end up celebrating, I want it to be in your arms. And Azzi thinks maybe Paige had discovered one of the biggest truths of their life with that, the truth that at the end of day, in any moment, big or small, happy or sad, the one person Azzi wants next to her, is her Paige. It’s been that way since she was fourteen, and too young to really understand the meaning of wanting someone forever, and she thinks if she has her way, it’ll be like that for the rest of her life, the rest of their life. 
Paige is beaming in the crowd, standing next to Jon and José, a #35 jersey proudly adorning her torso. She waves when she catches Azzi’s eyes, always her biggest cheerleader. And Azzi throws caution to the wind, fuck it, not caring that there’s still a large crowd or that cameras are likely to follow her every move. She pushes her way into the stands, stopping right in front of the blonde. 
“On a scale of one to ten, how bad would kissing you right now be?” Azzi asks, still a little breathless. 
A myriad of emotions flicker through Paige’s face before settling on a mischievous smirk, “probably pretty bad but you should do it anyways.”
Azzi grins before merging their lips together and everything else fades to the background, until she’s consumed by nothing but Paige. They break apart far quicker than either of them would like and Azzi expects to feel just a little bit of fear at what she’s just done, likely given the media a spectacle they could run a million and one stories about but instead, with her forehead still pressed against Paige’s, she feels nothing but calm. 
“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi whispers and Paige’s eyes widen. They’ve known it for a while now but it’s the first time either of them have said it. 
“Say it again,” Paige demands. 
“I’m so in love with you,” Azzi says again, grinning so hard, she thinks it might become her permanent expression, “like really fucking in love with you.”
“I’m so in love with you,” Paige whispers, pulling Azzi into a bone-crushing hug. 
And this might not be the moment where everything finally comes together. There’s still so much life left to live, so much that they still need to work through, so much they’ve yet to deal with. But for now, Azzi has a national championship and she has the love of her life, the rest will work itself out, or so she hopes.
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lbright90 · 8 months ago
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From the start
So the last few days I've tried to reflect on where my relationship began with Jesus and God. As I was reflecting I realized that despite me knowing WHO God and Jesus were from a very early age I didn't have a personal relationship with God until 2018. So I'm gonna recap on why this is. When I was little my family was always going to church. My grandparents and mom went to church and I was there with them. Now when I was little we went to mostly Pentecostal churches and I'm not here to put down any denomination for we are not to be divided but come together to form one and worship as one. However, when I was little I would sit there and listen and watch, and there are a few times I could feel the spirit talk to me, but much like I was immature that I couldn't understand fully what the Spirit wanted. Like much today when we take our children to church, we teach them how to behave and act in churc. When I got to my teenage years and joined a local church's choir I enjoyed singing and praising God. I could feel the spirit tugging at my heart but I still couldn't understand what it wanted. It wasn't until 2018 that I found myself in a world where I felt trapped raising a child (he will always be my baby) by myself with a little help of my mother and the father of my son not being as reliable. It was then that a woman I barely knew asked me, "Are you okay?" At that moment I realized that no matter what I did, no matter how much I tried, I wasn't okay because I was pulling the old fake it to you make it. I was physically, mentally, and spiritually drained. That day was when I realized that I can't get no where in this life without asking help from a higher power because everyone else is only human, they make errors, and are not going to be 100% reliable when I need them. So that's when I started going to church. The lady was nice enough to invite me to her church and that's where I met some of the most wonderful amazing people ever who will do anything and everything to help you. Even if it's just praying for you, sometimes prayers do more for you then what money or items every could. After a few weeks it was during a sermon about resentment and holding onto grudges that the Lord worked on me and showed me where I had erred all my life. That I was so quick to hold onto grudges from something that someone did over 20+ years ago and until I let go of that hatred I would never find peace or happiness. That day I left everything to God, I prayed for a resolution to an issue with my father that I had been facing for many years and guess what! God answered. I was able to make peace with my father and let go of some of the hatred I had been holding onto. Now I want to recap on why my faith and relationship with God and Jesus didn't start until 2018, despite me feeling him knocking on my heart multiple times before. When I was growing up, you were expected to act a certain way at church, but there wasn't a lot of explaining. Like we were told you raise your hands to praise but nobody could point it out to me in the bible exactly where it said this. Fast forward to 2018 when one of my coworkers who was studying the bible could point it out to me in less than a 5 minute conversation. Now I'm not putting all the blame on the church from my childhood, or my mom, or my grandparents. It wasn't for them to them force me to have a relationship with God. Now that I'm older and more understanding, if I wanted to really know the answer I should have opened my Bible and really tried to read it and let God's word speak to me. So in the end it was because I wasn't ready to accept God and that I couldn't perceive his will. Anyways I just wanted to share this story with you all and I hope everyone has a good day. John 14:6-7
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.
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stuffymcstuffsworld · 1 year ago
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No, I'm not dying
The flu was nothing new to humans. They had been dealing with variants of it for centuries despite what some assumed. So, really, you calling in a sick day and locking yourself inside your room so the kids didn't get it wasn't a big deal. Or so you and Iruma had thought.
Apparently, it was a big deal to demons. Your phone received hundreds of different texts and calls the main culprit being Balam, who was practically a hysterical when speaking to. Why in Devi's name did he think you were dying?
Asking what he should do for your human burial rights and everything. It kinda pissed you off that he had so little faith in your immune system! And if Balam was being dramatic, Sullivan was being 10x worse.
Balling his eyes out and rambling about not wanting to lose his baby. Honestly, what a headache. It wasn't until after you woke up from a nap that you saw a text from iruma that made you think twice.
'I think there's some kind of misunderstanding. Maybe flu means something else here?' You thought back to all the crying and excessive messages. That might explain something. But you still had 2-3 more days for recovery.
So you simply texted back. 'Kindly remind your grandfather that we are not demons and therefore will not die from demonic disease.' Then you shot a quick text to the sniveling demon outside your door. 'I'm not dying for devi's sake. I just need rest!'
Then you called Balam and demanded he come over now if he was going to be so emotional about this. The large demon was outside your balcony in minutes. You swung open the doors and gave the sharpest glare you could muster with your stuffed up system at work.
"I'm gonna make this very clear, so listen." Your voice a little nasally, but luckily, it wasn't too bad. "I'm not dying. I will not be dying. Humans have dealt with this for generations. it's a part of life. Now stop fussing. All I need is bed rest for 3 more days max and then I'll show you that I'm still alive and will beat the ass of anyone who says otherwise."
You coughed a few times, but the glare you gave when the large demon reached out stopped him in his tracks. "I'm kicking you out of the nest till I get better." He gasped "what no please what if it gets worse or-"
You gave him a look. "I am fine. I will be fine. You can ask questions and give me a full check-up when I am better." You slammed the door back into place. Knowing that if he wanted to, the demon could easily rip it off its hinges. But also knowing he wouldn't.
A knock at your door reveals a tear stained Sullivan looking at you. Or well, it's more like through you. "Humans are so delicate." He murmured. You snorted.
"Of course, we are compared to demons. That just makes all of our accomplishments more amazing! Watch me, Papa, I'm gonna get better, then I'll be kicking down the doors to babyls again in no time." You flshed a cheeky grin.
***72hrs later***
You race down the stairs, wishing the kids good morning. Bestowing hugs and kisses freely as you went. Leaping past a shocked opera and into the dining room where a sulking Sullivan sat.
You started texting your colleagues that you were fine as you made your way over to the slim demons side. "Papa, I'm feeling lazy. Will you carry me to school?" You teased. The demon perked up and looked at you.
You smiled and twirled in place a moment. "Hurry, Papa, I have so much to do before classes start." Sullivan scooped you up immediately spinning you around the room.
Laughter filled the room. Later that day, just as the bell rang for first class to start, you kicked down Balams door. Students shocked yet egar to see you. "I lived bitch!" You shouted before striding over to the trembling demon and pulling him in for much needed cuddle time.
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peach-and-bugs · 1 year ago
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That is very good, feeling extremely gay is the best.
While I'm here (since I was gonna request this last night/yesterday but I fell asleep), do you have any thoughts/head cannons on Adult!Yellow Jackets (whether you include cannon adult YJ's by themselves or as well as the others that died ((Jackie, Laura Lee etc)) is up to you) as parents/how they are around kids.
Just a thought, since Mama Lottie is the only thing I've been able to think about for weeks and I'm super excited for chapter 2 (no pressure on releasing it of course), and thought this would be cool.
If not don't worry I'll 100% understand if you don't xxx
-🐝
Oh my gosh, this is absolutely perfect for me, thank you so much for asking me to ramble about the girls as moms/aunts. It's my favorite thing to think about. Some of these will expand upon what I said in my SFW alphabet
Yellowjackets as parents/with kids
tw: food shame/judgment with Jackie religious themes with Laura Lee (all positive endings)
Jackie
✰ Jackie had a very strict upbringing to me. She was obsessed with being perceived as perfect and model all the time and I can only assume that was instigated by her parents (mostly her mother)
✰ She seems like the type to have kids, but she's always trying to improve upon how she grew up because she knows how that pressure feels and doesn't want that for her kids
✰ For whatever reason, I see her as a girl mom whose last kid is surprisingly a boy and she's thrown for a loop because she's so used to having girls, and having a boy is suddenly so different
✰ but as a girl mom, she tries to be really open for her daughters. She wants them to see her as just a normal person because that's how they'll then look at themselves. She's also that mom on holidays or family gatherings that lets her kids have control over what they eat
✰ I headcanon her mom was one of those almond moms who was always talking about what Jackie was eating or looked like and she's not gonna let that happen to her girls. She wants them to have a positive relationship with food from the start so they don't have to learn it like she did. She's opening up the pumpkin pie at thanksgiving before dinner is served and giving each of her kids a slice and noone can stop her
Laura Lee
✰ Laura Lee is still very involved in her church and faith in her adulthood and I can see her wanting that for her children too, but she makes it very clear that that faith for them doesn't need to be strictly Christianity. I think she'd probably take them to church when they're little, but she'd be really open to letting her kids know if that's not something they want, they can tell her they no longer want to go
✰ I can perfectly envision her as one of those moms at pride with the free mom hugs shirt on and proudly holding up her sign about how god made everyone beautiful as they are. She's also taking in any kid who needs a roof over their head and a hot meal, no questions asked
✰ I see her wanting to fully or partially home-schooling her kids. Can't really explain why, but it feels fitting
Lottie
✰ We already know a lot of how I look at Lottie as a mom, given my mama!Lottie tag and fic, Bean Sprout, but I'll never skip an opportunity to gush about her more!
✰ she's the epitome of the crunchy granola mom who's taking her kid out to the garden with her, encouraging them to dig in the dirt in their rain boots and overalls to find worms and other bugs and taking them on hikes with the dog. She's got her kid and her dog with her all the time.
✰ She's the kind of mom who wants her kid to try everything at least once, but not in a pushy way. She thinks it extremely important for confidence development that her kid knows that it's ok to try and fail because you can always get right back up again
✰ She's also really good with other people's kids. She likes watching the way kids think and the best way to see and understand that is by getting to know them on their level
Misty
✰ Misty's awkward around everyone, and that extends to kids as well, but she's a little better with kids than she is with adults. She babysat back when she was a teenager, so she still knows a thing or two
✰ part of me can see her as a mom while another part of me doesn't. I think had the crash not happened, she'd be more likely to have or adopt a kid of her own, but in the crash timeline that feels far less likely
✰ that or it's a situation where she thought she wanted to be a mom when she was growing up because "that's what everyone wants" but as she gets older she realizes that no, she really doesn't want to be a parent
✰ but I do think she enjoys being around children to some degree due to her babysitting days
Natalie
✰ So Natalie is an interesting one because my immediate reaction is always no, in no world does she like kids, but then I remember that she's actually pretty chill with kids and we see that when she goes to Kevin's son's soccer game
✰ In no way do I think she'd have a kid of her own, but she can definitely be the favorite aunt, that's for sure. She's gonna teach her friend's kids about the reality of the world, maybe how to get away with some very petty crime (but if they actually do it, she'll be pissed) and she's gonna go and take them to do the things they aren't supposed to, like getting sweets before dinner
Shauna
✰ I think Shauna prefers younger kids. She's definitely having a hard time with Callie and the teen years, but based on how she talks about Callie when she was younger, she enjoyed the younger days
✰ She seems like one of those moms who had trouble making other mom friends, but it's alright because she's go her little girl keeping her company
✰ I feel like Callie was her little mini-me, which makes her growing up harder
✰ she's definitely one of those moms who kept a baby journal when she was pregnant, writing to her baby nearly every day and she managed to keep it up throughout a good chunk of her childhood. she's planning to give it to Callie when she graduates high school
Taissa
✰ Tai gives me the vibe that having a kid wasn't something she initially considered when she was making her life plan, but now that she has Sammy she'd never go back
✰ I'm really hoping we get Sammy and Taissa again in season 3 because when she's in a good space and caring for herself she really is a good and caring mother, and it made me sad to lose that completely in season 2
✰ I personally think Samone carried Sammy and Tai stayed by her the whole time, making sure her wife got the best care she possibly could when they were in labor. After he was born and she got to hold him, she got this overwhelming feeling realizing that yeah, she's a mom now and this is her little guy to take care of
✰ she's definitely an only-child mom to me. I don't personally see her wanting another kid. can't really explain why on that one
Van
✰ Very much like Natalie, Van gives off chill aunt or step-parent energy to me. I don't see her having kids of her own, but she's definitely really good with kids. The only way I see her as a mom is if she gets into a relationship with someone who's already got a kid
✰ She'd be willing to babysit her friend's kids as Aunt Van and she loves hosting them at her house for sleepovers. Breakfast is always fun at the Palmer house, and it's guaranteed to be very sugary
✰ I mentioned it before, but I can imagine her hosting summer parties in her backyard and grilling lunch with a bunch of kids running around playing with water balloons and squirt guns
✰ she's definitely got a box or closet full of cool toys for when she has kids visit. She also loves teaching them about the movies she liked growing up and taking them out on all kinds of outings
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asherlockstudy · 1 year ago
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LMAOO!! ok I'm not gonna spoil the R&L video but plspls if you watch it tell us what you think!!
OKAY I have watched it twice now. It is obviously another symbolic work but the first time I was so dumbfounded by all the weirdness that I got like only a couple of symbolisms. The second watch was more fruitful. So let's get to it!
The Brown Diamond
First of all, the moment we got the title and the teaser I knew this would have potty humour and that, also, it would be about anal again.
The standing doggystyle in the beginning is fun but does not have a significance in the story. However, since the title is "The Quest for the Brown Diamond" it might be an attempt to create a subconscious connection between the two.
It is interesting that the very next scene sort of subverts the expectations formed from the previous one: Rhett is a very awkward and reserved, shy, gentle, intelligent man with many phobias, Horst, whereas Link is Sandy, a loud, crude, angry but good hearted man, with an established interest in women. They seem like total opposites of the characters they play, however there is truth hidden in them i.e Rhett is an introvert and he can be gentle and intelligent and Link can be angry and loud despite being a good person. I don't understand what was exactly the concept behind making the characters diverge so much from Rhett and Link in other aspects. Perhaps it was a red herring.
Whatever they said in the end, there is no more genuine statement of affection than "You look weird as hell...... but you always do".
Horst says he has this hair to have a form of natural shield and this might give as a hint as to why Rhett's character has so many phobias and puts up so many defenses; maybe it's about all the things he considered sinful and unacceptable when he was still in the faith.
The whole quest to essentially steal the diamond is Sandy's initiative and passion, while Horst simply follows because that's what he does, he follows Sandy. This might explain Sandy's assertiveness; by every allegorical work of theirs we have seen before it is implied again and again that Link (perhaps counterintuitively) was actually the pursuer of their relationship. Don't forget Carney in Friday's GMMore freaking saying that Link was Romeo between the two, whom Stevie had just described as an extrovert who pursued his relationship with Juliet! And that was the last episode before this video! Isn't all this...WILD? This also suggests that at this point a lot of the crew members know.
Horst opens tentantively the door and Sandy sarcastically says: "Look, Horst contributing already to the project!". They get in the mansion, where Sandy decides to rub himself on every single surface while Horst watches scandalized. The one time poor Horst tries to mimic Sandy, he realises he was trying to rub on a cherub which obviously kills his mood again. So this is likely about how much Link had to "throw himself out there" to make this work and how hesitant and scared Rhett was in the beginning.
By the way
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Of course.
This gives me Rhett mixing his words flashback and saying "Link McLaughlin". Except this here is intentional. Then again someone could say best friends and branded business partners could do that too. However, with all the other stuff here, we can suspect this is not that simple of a case.
Horst pumps them both up with energizing food for the quest and it might be associated with the whole theme of the puzzle video, where it was implied they needed some... assistance in their first times. Sandy has to eat some seaweed, an experience he describes as "cunnilungus with the ocean" and Horst eats a sausage wrapped in bologna, which is the point where he breaks character a little, as Rhett apparently finds this too amusing! This all means that the energizing food scene though is heavily sex-coded.
After a straightTM moment, when Sandy builds up the courage to ask his ex-stepson (Tanner? Tunner?) if his mom still thinks about him, he starts looking for the diamond. He mentions he was looking at his Nana's drawers when he was young but then he asks this to be cut from the film as he doesn't want people to think that about him, which means this too is suspicious and in this case it probably implies he was exploring his feminine side. Ironically, this was also mentioned in the last GMMore, when Link asked for a few more years before he starts dressing like Miss Pingy...!
Meanwhile, Horst doesn't look for the diamond but gives as an empathetic, admiring, caring and loving description of Sandy. Yes, Sandy is frantic, angry, a brute but Horst sees through him and understands why he is the way he is. Sandy's childhood is similar to Link's to some extent.
Sandy follows and gives a shorter but emotional description of Horst: he stands out, he is a little weird but he is good and smart. Sandy also establishes he is protective of him and warns the stepson to not hurt Horst.
AND THEN OF COURSE THEY BROUGHT UP THE PUZZLE ARRYFFUJBIOGD Sandy even has a tattoo of the notorious puzzle piece, while Horst keeps it in his bracelet of things he fears and loves. (If you don't know what the deal with the puzzle is please read this).
Horst finds a guitar and starts playing a sweet song... so sweet that it is literally called
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Sandy, much like real Link every time Rhett sings and plays music, stops his frantic search and listens hypnotized to Horst's playing. He joins him by the fireplace and they sing together. It is very sweet, very domestic. When the song ends, the silence between them is heavy and uncomfortable but full of warmth. Sandy asks Horst how he is feeling and Horst admits he is still scared. Sandy, pensive but respectful, decides that they should go, as apparently this whole thing isn't working out for them. He expresses regret for dragging Horst into this.
But, lo and behold! At the last moment, Horst finds a secret door and is suddenly the more excited one who reminds Sandy of their quest. In this secret room, they find a video recorded by the deceased owner of the mansion and the diamond, who gives instructions on how to get the diamond. The quest is bound to a riddle and this riddle IS THIS ONE:
To be shared between three, the heart must not be free but the damage is done if the heart is given to one.
Get it? If you have to give your heart to other two, your heart is not free, but then again when the heart is given to THE one only, that's when shit hits the fan (well literally in this video).
Can you believe it? Can you believe this is the story of these apparently extremely romantic middle-aged Southern youtubers?
The heart, the diamond, is of course inside Bahau moon, a three-ass artifact. Reminds of "the way to a woman's heart is through a worm's / woman's anus".
Sandy and Horst hear noises from upstairs and it appears Brandy, Horst's best friend at work, was trying to steal the diamond before them. And that is because Horst told her their secret as “he tells her everything”. What does Brandy symbolizes? Horst loves her a lot as a friend and keeps no secrets from her, Sandy is antagonistic to her. Sandy gets his hand in this ass first and competes with her for the diamond. Horst follows hesitantly again. They realise neither can win over the heart and all be happy. So Horst implores them to all lay off the heart diamond. In fact, Sandy has grabbed the heart and agrees to let it go only if Brandy promises to also not stick her hand to the ass again. Sorry for suggesting this...but can Brandy be a wife, like Jessie? Once they are all out of the Bahau moon and safe, Horst realises that his "phobias and loves" bracelet is dropped inside the artifact. He begs the other two to get inside the Bahau moon once more so he can retreive his bracelet. This might be associated to Rhett always having this pattern that he wants this to stop, to prevent it but then he is the one falling back to it (check Hazel where he tries to save Link but then Hazel takes him first and in the dig-a-hole video where he pulls Link out of his enjoyment only to later suggest a larger hole than Link did and drive the excavator himself). Horst really begs Brandy, tells her to do it for the sake of their “old good memories” together. This whole thing reminds me of that time Rhett was bringing up a lot that his marriage had gone through a milestone, that he and Jessie had had a very big and serious talk that changed but also supposedly “strengthened” their marriage. And then once Link let it slip that he was present during that serious talk of the couple, which one would expect would have happened privately.
Brandy betrays them, takes the brown diamond and leaves them. The Bahau moon starts releasing toxic gas. Sandy tells the camera man to save himself. The camera man still records Sandy and Horst's last moments from outside the window. As they are dying, they hold hands with their still free hand. Sandy asks forgiveness for everything but Horst does not hold anything against him. Before he takes his last breath, Sandy tells Horst he loves him. They die there, trapped forever. This ending resembles Hazel a lot, where they disappear forever in Hazel's forest. In Hazel, Link was also trying to tell Rhett he loves him before what he thought would be their last moments.
This gives the riddle another dimension, because in the end Sandy and Horst remain with their One, meaning each other, also stressed by the love confession, and this kills them. It is perhaps suggested that Brandy (a wife?) got her heart back and went on with her life, while they can't do the same. They stay trapped with the love that kills them.
And here's another ANON I got, I hope they read it cause I am answering here:
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Thanks a lot for telling me!!! Yes it doesn't surprise me one bit. The ending is supposed to have that despair and melancholy of always staying trapped, hidden. Just like Hazel. Very interesting that it was braver before the cuts. Perhaps they thought it would make it too obvious? But, too little is obvious for A LOT of their fans, right? I also don't understand, do they actually want people to pick up on it after all, or not? They confuse me so much.
Unless the few of us still imagine all that stuff lol never in my life before have I seen friends act like that but the funniest thing is that I haven't seen people in love act like that either! Will we get an autobiography from them in the distant future, I wonder? Because we should.
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vintage-vermin · 12 days ago
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Every once in a while I'll sit down with mates and we'll watch something with a vague socialist ideal behind it. We don't search out specific media, but sometimes an actor just walks up to the 4th wall and starts talking like a Ted X talk. Simple shit like; "Maybe we shouldn't let everyone starve in these countries when food overproduction is a legit thing." "maybe killing the homeless is not a good idea?" or "just try to be nice and don't tell people who are doing something harmless that you don't enjoy to kill themselves." And I half zone out on these messages because I already learned these like 20 years ago and I don't need a refresher for something I already uphold. I have that sometimes. If you try to explain something I've had in my belief system for like 25 years and you talk to me like a child, I zone out. I'm not gonna stop ya because I know some peeps need to hear basic shit, but goddamn. Which really puts me in such a weird spot when the neo-libertarian conservative next to me has his world view shattered about addicts not just being addicted for the sheer fun of it or something. I just have difficulty trying to explain some of these basic human rights things to people of the same age group sometimes. Like, fuck, how did you not start thinking or learning this shit at least in your early 20's. What the fuck. How the fuck did you get through life up to this point while legit thinking you're the main character and we all de-spawn when you leave the room. I used to try, but I got tired of the endless bad faith arguments, "lol u made a typo so I won" and the slurs. At this point, it really ain't my job to educate you unless you pay me. Just read some shit NOT made by people who do shout-outs to StormFront or by the name of DerUnteidigeKriegMan88 if you wanna learn. But that means people would need to understand Google and it's fun way of leading you to garbage. It means they need to critically think for a moment when HitlerCunnyFan tell them ethnostates are okay. Which for some, is asking way, WAY too much.
You might tell me "oh, you should hang with better people" bae, I hang with like 4 generations of people due to the nature of my work. I spend 9 hours in the open air, directly interacting with random people and workers. Everyday I can end up working with whole new groups of like 20 people and then have a chance never see them again and meet 20 new ones tomorrow. You talk a lot inbetween the boring bits, lots of people can't really stay composed in a way and start telling me why voting for the super-villain-trump-wannabe that's looking to deport him and his family just for his skin color was the best vote this middle-aged Egyptian man has every put in, according to himself. I dunno, I just get frustrated about various connected thing sometimes. I get annoyed when people pretend our country is this super liberal paradise filled with shinning souls or some shit. It ain't and it never was. Conversion therapy is still 100% legal, still fucktons of extra stipulations for gay marriage, poor trans healthcare which is only going to get worse now that the people voted in the extreme right-wing party and half the people that are supposed to lead the country just parrot what the USA does, regardless of context of how different things are across the other side of the world. Just a little background frustration that's always going on.
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genericpuff · 2 years ago
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To me the problem with lore olympus and rachel is that she keeps the fan feedback too close to her chest, yes it does "affect her because she's very sensitive" which is smth rachel has said before in interviews and stuff, but the problem is that if u let fan opinions get in the way of ur work maybe u should set boundaries with the way u interact with fan content OF UR OWN WORK.
Im not sure if im explaining myself correctly, but the way rachel somehow always tries to prove criticism wrong and has slowly started ignoring the foundations she previously set is making everything just so flat and boring. She doesnt work with what we've already read but trying to somehow "fix" things that are sometimes not clear on the get go.
For example, u (and a lot of people) complained about how demeter explicitly said she always put persephone in white (when persephone has willingly been wearing that color through the entire series). Meanwhile, i remember having read a post from loreolympians on instagram (iirc) analyzing perse's change of color scheme during s2.
The problem with these things is that rachel has most likely been engaging with these fans who take for granted that she plans everything out or that everything has a deep meaning (which to a sense you should do, because having faith in the author is usually how to go about analyzing storytelling), and somehow it's become a strange echochamber and it results in these weird, very blatantly written to be noticed, details or moments htat try to be smart but are just flat bc rachel doesnt give any effort to anything else aand prefers telling rather than showing so she can feel like a good author when fans obviously point these out
Jdhdjd these are just my two cents and sorry for the long rant but yeah basically rachel should separate herself from the fandom and try to write more objectively and focusing on the narrative instead of taking every little criticism of her comic so personally
Honestly, I can get being a little squeamish around criticism, shit I've had analysis stuff on my work that's consisted of praise and it's still sometimes a little overwhelming to read (I've got a big one in my asks right now that took me like 10 minutes to get thru because I had to keep taking breathers and I still need to actually share it LMAO it's not even criticism! it's just got so much in it, ahfdsaklg)
When it comes to criticism, I still get a little "aw man" sometimes. I recently got feedback from Pyrrhic & Victoria on my Reaper redraws and even though I'm pals with them and know they aren't gonna be harsh, it's still an incredibly vulnerable position to put oneself in. Especially when it's projects that you hold very close to your sense of self.
RS has definitely taken it a little too far in tying LO to herself as a person. Criticism of the comic = criticism of her , and her fanbase seems to view this the same way, that if someone doesn't like the comic, that has to automatically say something about them as consumers when... it really doesn't. If anything their reactions to criticism say way more about them as people than the criticism existing lmao
What's more upsetting and simultaneously eye-rolling is the fact that Rachel goes out of her way to look for things to be upset about. On multiple occasions now over the past 4-5 years, she's snuck into groups containing criticism, attempted to strongarm power away from moderators so she could have criticism removed, and basically just ruined her own day over other people's opinions whether or not they were meant to be read by her.
It's why I stand by the fact that people shouldn't be directly messaging RS with criticism or hate because that would just be unsolicited cruelty. While she should be more open to criticism, that doesn't mean she needs to open the floodgates on her DM's because there are plenty of places for criticism to exist outside of her peripheral. But she keeps turning her head to look at it. Like, she'll throw a hissy fit over criticism that wasn't even really directly aimed at her, just meant for the sake of discussion. And that's where I'd really honestly wish she could just get a grip.
Like, I'm sure there's criticism of Rekindled out there already. Shit, I've had other projects from yeeears ago that ended up being made fun of outside of where I posted it. It sucked, but going out and actively looking for it for the purpose of erasing it from existence wasn't going to make me a better creator nor was it going to benefit me as a person.
It's a shitty reality, but the bigger you grow as a creator, the more you will have to separate yourself from your audience. You don't have to stonewall them completely, many people follow these works for the creators themselves, but you're not entitled to everyone's friendship and praise, and if the criticism really bugs you that much, then fucking work on the thing they're criticizing, don't double down on it or try to control how your audience consumes your content.
It's why it drives me so nuts when RS does infiltrate these groups because it's an incredible invasion of privacy as well as the creator-reader relationship. Q&A's, panels, and personal socials are where you go to interact with the creator. A creator sneaking into a Discord group or subreddit or FB group with the intent of "listening in" would be equivalent to J.K. Rowling showing up in person to a book club meeting. It's just disrespectful to your audience and makes you look like a huge asshole. Have some grace and for once, I'll tell Rachel and her fanbase to take their own advice - if you don't like it, don't read it.
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blackjackkent · 1 year ago
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Well, that was a hell of a night. Time to check in with the rest of our companions!
We'll go clockwise around the room, starting with Shadowheart, and I'm just gonna do conversation highlights because these turned out to be rather long chats. :D
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Highlights from Shadowheart conversation:
She noticed murals in the grove that appeared to depict Shar warriors (specifically, an elite group called the Dark Justiciars) in combat. Hector gathered that she would have liked to join them, and she agrees it would have been a great honor, but it's a "distant dream," as the Justiciars haven't been active for years.
Hector said her conviction was admirable but that he would not have submitted to the loss of memory she went through in order to fulfill her mission - that he would prefer to know what he was getting himself into. She responded, "That's not a luxury open to many people, us included. I have my faith to turn to instead. You should find something of your own." Which...ouch. (It really is kind of annoying that as a monk I don't have the option to choose a deity as I would with a cleric. It's still an ostensibly religious calling, no?)
She doesn't know why the wound on her hand hurts, but hopes the meaning will be revealed to her when the time is right. She seemed rather touched when Hector asked if he could do anything to help with it, but asked only for patience when she gets struck by it.
He made a vague comment about having to stop traveling with her if she keeps secrets from him, but she called his bluff and he backed down almost immediately. They also discussed the fact that Shar worship is basically illegal in a lot of places, to which her response was (paraphrased), "Arrest me, then. Oh right, we're in the middle of nowhere and you can't."
Describing her reason for faith in Shar: "She took me in when no one else would. Without her, I wouldn't be alive. She is my Mother. She nurtures me, cares for me, loves me. Don't believe the lies the Selunites tell." Hector, as one of those Selunites, *is* inclined to believe them over her - and yet, as someone who has never known his mother, the imagery is...oddly compelling.
He prodded her for info about herself not to do with Shar or the tadpole. She told him that she likes night orchids and can't swim - and also that she can barely remember anything else of herself, as the memories of Shar's secrets were not the only ones that were suppressed.
Asked what she thinks of Hector: "I don't think I've ever had a confidante quite like you - and if I have, I can't remember them." Which...is equivocal enough that it might not be intended as a compliment, but he suspects it probably is, and it makes him feel bad for how warily he's been treating her in return.
---
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Highlights from our first conversation with Wyll:
He also had the dream! (Which leads me to believe the rest of the crew did as well.) He, however, is super skeptical of it and assumes it's a trick of the parasite to encourage us to use its power more. Hector agreed, but somewhat uncertainly - it's hard to shake off the feeling of safety that came with the strange guardian, and she did calm the transformation that was threatening to overtake him.
He told Hector a bit more about his pursuit of Karlach - described her as "chaos incarnate, a devil with pure fire for a heart." However, he was reticent about who exactly his source of information about her was, describing only "a powerful friend with a keen interest in...privacy." More secrets; Hector disapproves.
He explained his life before becoming Blade of Frontiers - child of a single father, who did not want the adventurer's life for his son. But Wyll encountered a young boy in the Cloakwood who was attacked by goblins, and saved him - and it stirred in him a desire for action, to protect those who needed it, and an anger at the monsters of the world and the "so-called good gods" who let evil things happen.
He lost his eye in battle, and the stone replacement is made of bloodstone, "carved from the Galena Mountains just north of the Moonsea. A reminder that sometimes, blood must be shed and sacrifices must be made" - but he did not want to tell the full story. It's "reserved for lifetime friends and calmer days."
---
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Astarion highlights:
He also had the dream, and is much more excited about it than Wyll was. He's clearly curious about the manipulative powers of the worms, and was not happy when Hector said they should be careful and avoid using them unnecessarily. Hilariously, he burst out in a bit of a sulky snit - "Is there a reason you're always such an utter drip? Do you have some sort of condition? Honestly, it's like you hate good news. Did you actually want something, or are you just here to spoil my fun?" Lmao.
The weird thing is, in spite of everything, Astarion has such an exaggerated affect that Hector finds he can't entirely dislike him, but he doesn't trust the other man's intentions and has no intention of letting him have free reign with the parasite.
Astarion claims to be a magistrate back in Baldur's Gate, which doesn't entirely track with the images we got in his head back when we first picked him up, so I am pretty sure he is lying. (Not that magistrates can't be vampires, of course, which is the one thing he definitely is.)
He doesn't know what might be waiting in Moonrise Towers, but hopes they can find answers - "if we can convince the right people to talk," he said, with a rather disquieting smirk.
---
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Gale highlights:
A pretty short conversation, but the most reassuring to Hector so far as regards the dream. This was the first conversation where Hector was able to express uncertainty about whether he believed the dream guardian was to be trusted. And Gale seemed similarly inclined - "Nothing wrong with maintaining a healthy suspicion in such matters. Still, it might be wiser to keep an open mind - our visitor's promises of aid might yet bear valuable fruit."
His description of his magic-consuming condition was...less reassuring. "Think of it as...tribute. The kind a king might pay to a more powerful neighbor to avoid invasion. As long as I pay, there will be peace. But should I ever stop, along comes a war. I can assure you the battlefield would extend well beyond the borders of my body alone."
---
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Lae'zel highlights:
A lot of recap here, presumably for people who haven't been paying attention the first six times she told us about the creche. Unsurprisingly, she does not trust the dream and the guardian as far as she could throw them.
They both admitted that neither has much familiarity with the other's race. Lae'zel, humorously, lashed out that Hector looks just as alien to her as she does to him, and that "that large, fleshy nose of yours looks like a mistake." Hector, wisely, did not rise to the taunting.
We got our first chance to actually take a dialogue option reflecting Hector freaking out. Lae'zel gave an entirely-too-vivid description of the actual process of illithid transformation, leading to the very Hector-apropos option Try to suppress your rising panic. She was unimpressed. "That shiver betrays your fear. Suppress it. It is useless. We must find my kind and be rid of the parasite. It's as simple as that."
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scribhneoirtuirseach · 2 years ago
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(Ladybug and Lemon wait for Tangerine's meeting with Maria to be over.)
Of Fruits and Insects (5/?)
featuring: Ladybug, Lemon, Tangerine
wordcount: 455
my other BT fics
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"Which am I then?"
"Mm?"
Lemon doesn't look up from his phone, which is of course playing Thomas the Tank Engine. He doesn't even understand why they're here in the first place— He would've debated moral support if they were in the same damn room as Tangerine, but no, he had to go in by himself, didn't he?
"Which train? If I'm not Diesel."
That does have Lemon thinking. Not often he's wrong in how he assigns people. Which engine, indeed…
"On the way to being Skarloey. Narrow gauge."
Ladybug fixes him with an inquisitive look. "Skar-whoey?" Definitelt not one of the main guys, he doesn't recognise the name.
"One of the older engines." Lemon explains, having a hand absently. "Chipper, faithful… Always eager to help, does his best to guide others."
Brows raising in surprise, Ladybug preens under the praise. "Sounds like a good train to be."
"Yeah, well, you've got some time before you're him properly… Shigeru's a full-fledged Skarloey."
"Hm." Ladybug purses his lips thoughtfully. "Gonna be like him in the future, huh?"
"Isn't that the goal?"
Scrunching up an eye, Ladybug shrugs as he shifts in his seat, attempting to get more comfortable. Being compared to characters is one thing, but real people? That feels like more of a hit, more personal.
"… And who is Tangerine?"
Now Lemon looks up. "What's it to you?"
"Ahh, you know," The man clears his throat, looking away. "Should get to know the guy I'm gonna work with."
"Should've got to know him before agreeing to work with him." Lemon debates, earning a sort of 'fair enough' nod. "He's Thomas. Usually say he's Gordon, just to annoy him, but… He's Thomas."
Ladybug smiles at that, falls quiet for the first time in a long while. "Main character material, that checks out… Can't be easy, though, shit's always happening to them."
Lemon hums faintly, looking back to his phone as he decides to check back out of the conversation. Well, that's until—
"Does Thomas have a girlfriend?"
Bingo.
"Tangerine doesn't."
"And what about—"
The door opens, and Ladybug is quick to his feet, mouth snapped shut.
Raising a brow, Tangerine looks him up and down for a moment before shrugging, turning his attention to Lemon. "All sorted, we can head."
Right. Probably weird that he's just standing. Ladybug clears his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets in an attempt to appear casual.
Lemon is suddenly very present in the moment, amused by these two idiots.
"So, I'm a Fruit now?"
"As good as. No doubt you've got some things to learn." Tangerine hums, a slight twinkle in his eye as he begins to lead the way out.
"Lesson one, don't ask so many questions."
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fireflyhwufanficwriter · 1 year ago
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My thoughts on Dr. Stone’s S03E14 (“Deal Game, Test of Wit”)
(Safe to read for anime-only folks.)
My thoughts after watching Season Three, Episode Fourteen:
01. Why, Kirisame, why? :(
02. A second look at the Medusa, and at Kohaku and Ginro's heroism! They're absolutely correct to have completely faith in Senku and their friends!
03. The stars in this opening song are honestly just GORGEOUS...
04. It's very cool how in the previous two times we saw the opening song, Kohaku and Ginro's petrified statues are in shadow, because the scene would have been a spoiler - but now that it's happened, we see a different, more colorful version of the shot and it clearly shows them now. Awesome detail, animators! :D
05. The title of this episode is, "Deal Game, Test of Wit!" :)
06. Yuzuriha has been revived! Taiju's so respectful!
07. Gen's right - she's so good and fast with those stone statue puzzles now!
08. Chrome's back, and Kaseki's now very confident that he and Chrome are maker buddies!
09. It was very sweet of Suika to make a paper hat for Ukyo... who has also now been revived!
10. Umm... thanks for the close-up shot of Kohaku, Ginro, and GINRO'S BLOOD having just been turned to stone... :'( Also, how did they get into that pose, when Kohaku's face was clearly apart from Ginro's body while they were turning to stone?
11. Everybody looks sad and concerned, but Chrome looks agitated, and Senku... whoa, look at his right eye! :O That is a serious, SERIOUS expression! He means BUSINESS!
12. (Although... I THINK his fist was clenched in the manga...?)
13. Would have liked it if Suika had expressed a bit more concern about Kohaku... She just dove right into the Soyuz information XD
14. The five wise generals are off! They're gonna collate their information, and strategize about the next course of action... and... four of them are going to explain to Chrome how they know there's only one Medusa...
15. I like how Chrome pushed everybody's panels apart while he was asking for clarification XD
16. "He runs the show" shouldn't be an idiom that Chrome would use... There's theater shows, but still, I don't think he'd be casually using that idiom... AND Amaryllis agreed. I suppose the Japanese dialogue probably directly translates to something else, and this was just the closest phrase meaning-wise?
17. Mozu! And Taiju!
18. He is speaking so languidly... he really is not threatened at all by the kingdom of science. And I'm so glad Taiju can protect Senku and Yuzuriha this time, by putting himself between them and the enemy! Although he MAY have done that in the second season as well; I should check sometime...
19. Before, it was Ryusui, and now, it's Ukyo who's the one who is thinking to get at least one person out alive!
20. Don't feel bad, Amaryllis! The kingdom of science really need the information you gave them! Of course you had to come!
21. Good job, Chrome! :) You intuition is totally baad! :D
22. It's just weird how smooth and curved and cartoonish Mozu is the anime. He felt like a huge, powerful threat in the manga, but here... I don't know; the way he's drawn makes him seem a bit goofy?
23. Poor Gen... XD It's up to you! Everybody's lives are depending on you!
24. Senku, shh! You might get us all killed! XD
25. Manipulation technique #00: "Pretend your weak card is your ace of spades!"
26. Manipulation technique #01: "People feel more solidarity with you if you're next to them, not opposite them!"
27. Manipulation technique #02: "Try saying something that's a little bit off-the-mark. The urge to correct you will be so strong that they might sign on to something they never intended to!"
28. (Hah! Mozu's power may be one hundred, but according to the arithmetic battle, Kohaku's is one thousand! :D ...Of course, I think the old system also put Ginro at one hundred, so... um... maybe they're not using the same units... XD)
29. ...See, that Mozu frame was supposed to look menacing, but he just looks so silly in the anime for some reason...
30. I suppose that glowing aura around the Medusa makes it otherworldly, but there's NO way Ibara would hold it while it was still glowing XD He's much too cautious to do that!
31. Does Mozu have the same voice actor as Tsukasa? Their voices sound a bit alike...
32. This hidden, almost-evil-looking face of Gen's is like the face he made in Season One, when he had the idea to get everybody in Ishigami Village to make a telescope for Senku's birthday! :)
33. Manipulation technique #03: "It's called psychological reactance. When you feel like you're being forced to do things, your need to maintain control causes you to reject things!"
34. What is that tied-up part on the back of Ukyo's clothing...?
35. Manipulation technique #03.1: "The way to win a deal isn't to make the other person feel defeated. It's to show servitude, setting out a false red carpet for them and stuff. That's what really matters!"
36. Oooh, Senku and Mozu are shaking hands, formalizing their (super temporary, haha) alliance!
37. It's cute that Mozu was really surprised out when he heard Senku's voice through the earring - and very understandable!
38. He's so extra; he has to be ROWED back XD
39. Gen was so worried and relieved... but he did an AMAZING job negotiating for the kingdom of science, and more importantly, for his friends! :D He's such a talented mentalist and manipulator! :O
40. And Chrome's just like, "Well, as long as Mozu's planning on killing us LATER instead of RIGHT NOW, we're good!" XD
41. Gen totally deserves all the congratulations, and a very long, relaxing break!
42. "Mozu joined the party (for now)!!" And he beat up his fellow Treasure Islanders (which Gen seemed to approve of XD) in order to make them believe that he's an even stronger warrior than... himself, hahaha!
43. And that's it for this episode! Gen was, without a doubt, ten billion percent the MVP for this episode; his negotiation tactics were incredible! :O I have a theory about the episode after this one. I can't talk about it now because it would be spoilery, but I will when it's safe to do so! The next episode's title is "Battle in Three Dimensions," and it's going to air tonight! :)
https :// fireflyhwufanficwriter . tumblr . com / MyDrStoneEpisodeMangaThoughts
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desudog-gone · 1 year ago
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I kinda hate how simultaneously people are
Convinced agreeance with 1 point means activity and identity with a community that is associated with that point and many others
and
So hardcore dickriding buzzword mentality and anti-openmindedness
Like I feel like I can't talk about anything because I get accused of being a member of some grouping of people (yes, accused) who's basis is lack of critical thinking, as you are when you're a group of people who's mentality on something forms a group based around the discouraging of it.
Like I've said before. I'm not proship or antiship. I think any aspect of the identity can be trans and I believe in freedom of identity and expression and in bodily autonomy, but I don't agree on every take the wider radqueer community has to say.
I would kill to just have good faith discussions with someone who I respectfully disagree with. I love discussing stuff. But everyone is 100% full throttle combat and bait and shit. All the worst faith questions type shit.
Like I love having an open mind, because I think all my opinions out, I am confident in the idea that they are sound
Like, I feel like it's an important part of love and tolerance to hear people with opposing ideas and experiences out. You don't have to agree- it's 100% normal and healthy to just agree to disagree, you can even mentally go "well, that person is batshit", but refusing to take any biased information on someone else with a grain of salt is going to make your stability in your ideas be fragile, it's going to make you defensive and a namecaller.
I love when people ask good faith inquiries on why I'm pro transid. I know pride month just ended but I'm still gonna just like say the world's tiniest reminder abt how I used to be more open about that topic. I enjoy explaining to people, I enjoy both when people's ideas change because they heard me out, and when people continue to disagree but now understand my viewpoint.
But everyone just chomps at the bit and sends bait and trolls and puts words in the mouths of others and refuses to open their mind even for a second and its like talking to an angry cougar. A cougar can't understand my words, it's just gonna keep trying to kill me. Twitter rotted discourse brained rabid cougars of tumblr users aren't interested in actually discussing jack shit, they aren't even reading what I write, they're just trying to get their next adrenaline hit from sending me gore in my dms or increasingly more and more generic reaction memes with text describing their supposed violent reaction.
How is love and tolerance supposed to get anything done if we don't create a place where people are interested to discuss their opposing opinions and experiences?? Because people will always have personal opinions and experiences.
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lets-talk-spirituality · 2 years ago
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It’s the collective energy of his rabid fan base that comes and asks intrusive questions and gets mad when I don’t share things I know and says I’m gatekeeping. I tried to be open to talking about him for like a week and I immediately banned him as a topic. He will forever be banned as a topic. ///
i agree. that's a good decision, unfortunately his fanbase sees different opinion from theirs as hate (i guess they may have done this to you at some point, if don't, i'm surprised lol) also some spiritual things cannot be shared. Almost every tarot blog about him suffered wave of negativity, projection, intrusive people...
Thanks nonnie! I really appreciate you sending this ask in and giving me an opportunity to elaborate some.
It wasn’t necessarily hate I received but blatant disrespect. And I do not tolerate disrespect. I know I’m open on my blog about my struggles and opinions and beliefs but at the end of the day, that doesn’t mean you know how I am IRL and what sort of things trigger and upset me. As someone who spent years being gaslit by an alcoholic mother and then abusive partner, it was very frustrating to have anons constantly questioning everything I said and pick it apart to twist my words to fit their pre-conceived notions. I spent enough years having people twist my thoughts and words and it led to me deeply being unable to trust my own self. To this day, I immediately assume that whatever I’m feeling is just out of my own issues before I even entertain the thought that the other person is actually doing something and I’m picking it up intuitively.
I partially made this blog out of a leap of faith to trust my instincts and insights. This blog has been a practice in learning to trust myself more and to practice my spiritual gifts. It was not created for me to be subjected to more of the toxicity I already survived. Some anons didn’t understand why I was responding aggressively in asks towards the end of that experiment in discussing him, and this is why. I am highly defensive of my mental health. Like I have worked my ass off to work through this. I still am! I have been in weekly therapy since April 2018, and that doesn’t include the times I tried therapy before throughout my life. It is extremely triggering to me when people attempt to manipulate me or to manipulate what I have said and it does make me react aggressively because I fucking refuse to go back down that road. I am very kind and sweet but don’t get it twisted, there are sides to me I had to develop. You don’t survive things like that without an edge.
Furthermore, if I know something from spirit and have been told it’s dangerous or not good to share with the collective, you pressuring me and saying I’m gatekeeping information is highly disrespectful. I’ve been given gifts not to appease obsessive behavior but to help the collective and if I think information is harmful for collective knowledge, yeah I’m not gonna share it. Why? Exactly what I explained in my collective energy post. If I know something about him that, say, is energetically dangerous to expose because it may attract negative energy to him, then you begging me to go against that and hurt him for your rabid curiosity and obsession shows you truly don’t care about his well-being and are caught up in an illusion of who you think he is that meets some internal need you project onto him.
I also want people to be here and come here to genuinely engage with spirituality and not just him. I think the people who have stayed or found me since have been amazing. I truly do appreciate all the people I interact with here. I want this to feel like a safe space, and to feel like a community where people can find connection and acceptance. And I really appreciate the anons who do want to occasionally ask about him not using his name and keeping it down low. But I am not a “him blog.” I am a spirituality blog first and foremost and want to keep my content focused on that. I have no issue talking in my DMs and have talked with people about him there and all have been very respectful, which I deeply appreciate. And I really don’t mind the occasional ask, some of the ones I’ve answered you can see what kind of questions were put forward. I know I shared my blog to tarot blogs that focus on him because as a fan of his I saw a lot of conversations on these other blogs talking about topics I felt needed in depth explanation and here we are a few months later.
Anyway that was a lot but all day, I feel like I’ve needed to assert that I can share from this perspective now but it wasn’t easy to get here. I think sometimes people see me in this light that almost negates how hard I’ve worked. So I guess that’s why I spilled like this.
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jolienjoyswriting · 1 month ago
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Purrsuing Pawsibilities (ft. Nane Mau), Ch. V
Chapter 5 of 5 for "Purrsuing Pawsibilities," an I Was a Teenage Monster fan fiction story.
Things get physical with Joseph and Mau!  But wait, is that a new challenger on the horizon?!
Word count: 4,015 — Character count: 23,429 Drafted: September 14th / 15th / 18th / 25th, 2024 Revised: September 25th / 27th–29th, 2024 —
Spoiler: no there isn't.  (:
Anyhoo, I liked writing Mau. As I see her, she tries her best most of the time, but has a lot of flaws and insecurities she thinks she keeps hidden when, in fact, most people can see right through her. (I guess that's part of the problem?)
I might do another if I find some inspiration, or this might be a one-and-done kinda thing. Hope you enjoy(ed) it!
Nane Mau, Renée, and "I Was a Teenage Monster" series and related characters and concepts created by and © joshdamn23 Joseph Lithius and related characters and concepts created by and © Jo Li KMC
[ ← Prev. Chapter | Next Chapter → ] —
    "Change of plans," she said, lightly swatting his backside as she headed into the bathroom herself.  "I'm gonna take a shower.  While I do that, you order us a pizza!  The phone number for a local place is on the fridge in the kitchen.  When they ask for a name, tell 'em 'Nane Mau'.  Hope you have cash!"     With that set of instructions given, Mau closed the bathroom door.  Shortly after, the fox could hear the sound of running water.  Just like twice prior that day… he was left to wonder just what he'd wound up in the midst of with her.
    As per Mau's instructions, Joseph pulled out his cell phone and called into a local pizza joint.  When they asked what kind of pizza, he found that he didn't know.     I really should've asked, he thought, but she seemed in a hurry…     In the end, he decided to play it safe and order a pizza that was half-pepperoni, half-sausage.  There was a 50/50 shot Mau would have something to eat, that way.  He also ordered garlic bread sticks and some dipping sauce.  When the person on the phone told him the total, he flinched but agreed to it.  When they said they were delivering to his address, though, he quickly corrected them.     "Nane Mau," he said.  "I want the pizzas sent to Nane Mau's address."     "Nane Mau?" the person on the other end answered.  They sounded leery.  "You want us to deliver some pizzas to that deadbeat?"     "Yes.  Wait— what?"     "Listen, we're not fallin' for that again, dude.  The last time couple times we delivered out there, the resident didn't have the cash to pay for the pizzas.  That customer's run up quite a tab on good faith, but good faith has its limits, bro.  Pay by credit or you get no pizza.  Ya dig?"     Joseph was… more than a little frustrated by this point.  Mau made no mention of this "pizza debt" of hers.  He expected to pay the delivery person and get some piping-hot pizza, easy as that.  He should've known better, though.  As he was learning, nothing was easy with her…
    "A-alright," he hesitantly answered, reaching for his wallet.  "I'll pay by credit."     "Okay."  There was a pause.  "Your new total is $207.91."     Joseph's eyes shot open and he let some strong language slip out.     "Sorry, but we have explicit instructions not to deliver to that address until the debt is paid," the person on the phone explained.  "Even then, that customer is pre-pay only."     "Are you sh— y-you know what?  Never mind," he said in a huff.  "Don't deliver the pizza to Nane Mau.  I'll come get them, myself."     "Sure," the other person answered.  "It's still gonna be $207.91, though."     The fox's fur bristled.  "What— why?!"     "Because," the phone representative began, "we know you're still ordering for—"     "The pizza is for me, now!" he protested.  "Joseph Lithius!  I'm on file!"     There was another, longer pause filled with some inaudible murmuring.  It seemed like the cashier was talking things over with someone.  A night manager, maybe?  After half a minute, the person on the other end came back on.
    "$207.91," the person on the phone repeated.  "Pay that, or no pizza."     "This is really not cool, pal," Joseph growled.  "I've been a loyal customer for—"     "Yeah, I don't care," the other person interrupted.  "We have notices in the system and sticky notes.  As soon as you said the name 'Nane Mau', red flags fired.  I brought up their file and found out what kind of debt they'd accrued.  If you're ordering pizza for Nane Mau, then you're paying their debt.  Take it or leave it."     "I'm leaving it," he snarled.  "Never-freaking-mind."     With that, he angrily disconnected the call.
    In the minutes that followed, Joseph found a place on the couch, making sure to hang his wet tail over the armrest.  He rubbed his temples and sighed, eyes closed and ears folded.     Mau's gonna be disappointed… he thought to himself.  Why didn't she tell me she had a debt to that pizza place?  I suppose I could call another one… but knowing her, she probably has debts with all the pizza places around the city.  Maybe even other food joints…     He leaned back, sighing another sigh.     What the heck…  I did not sign on to be this girl's wallet.  I should call this off.  Uh, where is she, anyway?     The fox leaned forward again, his ears perking.  The white noise of running water was still audible underneath some rather… shrill singing.     Long shower…     He flopped against the couch.  At that point, he gave up trying to figure things out.  He would just talk with Mau after she came out.
    "Aaaaahh…  Much better!"
    Several more minutes passed before the bathroom door opened.  Joseph was ready to approach Mau… but he was stunned by what he saw.  Mau exited her bathroom wearing little more than a long body towel that covered her from neck to knee, and a smaller one wrapped around her head.  Not an inch of her body was any more visible than it had been prior, but the casualness of her strutting out in towels still caught the fox completely off guard.
    "After the day I've had, I needed a nice, long, hot shower!"     She spoke very casually as she padded toward the couch.  Her eyes found Joseph's face and she grinned a feline grin, the tip of her tail twitching.     "Hey," she greeted, a hint of a purr in her voice.  Her eyelids lowered as she asked, "Did'ja get that pizza ordered?"     "I…  You're… towel," was all the fox could manage to say.  He was staring with a blank expression, but he sounded a little tense.     "Yes, I am wearing one," she answered, continuing to purr.  "Ya know what else?"     The lady leaned in close, her golden eyes meeting his.     "I'm not wearing anything underneath it, either…"
    With that obvious revelation, she straightened up and turned, letting the wet tip of her tail brush against his knee.     "I'm gonna go change, finally," she told him in her normal voice.  "Hope that pizza comes while I'm gone!  BRB again!"     And just like before, she disappeared and left Joseph alone.
    She's… an enigma.
    That was the first thing to enter Joseph's mind after Mau headed into her bedroom.  He was beside himself with questions and doubts.     Is she trying to seduce me?  Or is she just teasing?  Am I just not picking up on the hints she's tossing out, or am I reading into things too much?     The man once again rubbed his temples.     I'm getting too old for this crap…
    "I'm back!"
    Another two minutes ticked away on the nearby wall clock.  Not long after, Mau returned.  This time, she was wearing something a bit less provocative, but somewhat amusing to look at.  Her outfit consisted of a blue T-shirt and loose, pink sweatpants.  The sweatpants had the misspelled word "Jucey" on the sides.  Kind of silly, but she looked pretty comfy.
    Mau hopped over and crashed onto the couch.  "Where's the pizza?  I'm starved!"     Joseph squirmed uncomfortably.  "Oh, right.  The pizza…"     The cat's tail flicked this way and that as she focused entirely on her guest.  She was quite curious as to why he had that weird look.     "Mau?" he began.     "There is no pizza, is there?"     The fox flinched… then he slowly nodded, ears curled back and guilt making itself visible on his face.     "Eh, comme ci comme ça.  Ain't that right, Joe?"     "I'm… what?"     He blinked, his ears straightening as he looked at Mau.  She was grinning and shrugging.     "What do you mean, 'it is what it is'?" he asked, suddenly growing curious.     "I thought, maybe if someone else called the pizza place," the cat casually explained, "they might take pity and deliver.  I should've had you use a pseudo-name or somethin'.  Ah, well.  Whatcha gonna do?"     Joseph gave his companion a suspicious look.  "You could pay off your debt…"     "I could do that!" she repeated with a nod.  "Or, you could pay it off for me!"     "Excuse you?!"     The fox's expression shifted to one of anger.  However, it was short-lived.  Not long after his outburst, Mau turned his way and leaned forward, half-stalking him as she approached with lowered eyelids and a somewhat suspicious smile.
    "Do you like me, Joe?" she asked, that purr returning to her voice.     "I…"  He blushed, leaning back.  "I don't hate you…?"     "Playin' it cool, huh?"  The lady chuckled.  "Well, lemme put it to you this way…  You pay off my pizza debt, and you get all of this…"     She sat up on her knees, then she brushed her hands along her sides semi-seductively.     "I'd say you're getting the better deal, here," she continued, a grin forming on her face.  "Surely, all this is worth a couple measly ol' pizza pies, n'est-ce pas?"
    Joseph, once again, blankly stared at Mau.  She was still seated on her legs, though she had shifted to a pose that accented her curves.  He noticed her wink his way and could see that her tail was slowly swaying behind her.  He also picked up on a soft, rumbly purr again.  From what he could tell… she was being serious.  And that didn't sit well with him.
    "N… no, I—"     "Oh, my gawds!"     Joseph blinked before going wide-eyed.  He had barely begun to reply before Mau interrupted.  Her mouth bore a wide, amused grin and her eyes were clenched slightly from the bottom up.  She was also snickering.     "You didn't— you didn't think I was serious, did you?!"
    It wasn't long before she burst into uproarious laughter, much like she had in the school cafeteria.  She fell over, loudly bonking her head on the opposite armrest as she laughed, chuckled, and snorted, her arms folded over her stomach and her feet kicking in the air.  She obviously found the whole thing wildly amusing!  Joseph, on the other hand, just felt embarrassed.     Of course, she wasn't serious… he thought as he stared at the laughing cat with a scowl.  Despite all her… eccentricities, she's a lady…  She would never…     He paused for a second.  Slowly, an idea formed in his head.
    "Ah ha ha— ah?"     Mau's laughter was cut short.  She looked up, still brightly smiling with tears of joy running down her cheeks.  Her eyes focused as she watched her companion hover over her.     "C-can I help you?" she asked, trying to sound casual.  However, she was feeling kind of intimidated.     Joseph, who was giving her a cold, intimidating stare, simply replied… "Yeah."     A chill ran down Mau's spine as the fox wrapped his hands around her wrists.  Slowly, he brought them up and over her head.  She started to tug against his grip, but he was holding onto her pretty tightly.     "M-m-m-meow?" she vocalized, continuing to maintain her cool.     "I've decided.  I'll clear your debt, Mau," he said, a dark grin forming on his face.  "But, you have to hold up your end of the bargain…"
    "Wait."     The lady's voice came out much more quietly than she'd expected.  Her smile faded and a look of worry slowly formed.  He was getting closer… almost pinning her to the couch…  She didn't like where this was going.     "J-J-Joseph, I—" she started to protest.     "Pay up!"     Mau's eyes shot open.  Before she could react, he was upon her!  However…     "No-no-no-no-no-no-no—!!"     He hadn't acted as she'd expected.  Actually, the reality of the situation was far worse than she'd anticipated.     "Joooeeeee, n-nuh— nooooo…!!"     Joseph was making her pay, alright.
    By tickling her.
    Mau writhed, flinched, twitched, flailed, and screamed bloody murder as the fox's skilled fingers found every sensitive spot on her body.  Under her arms, the base of her ears, her sides, her collarbone…  Really, though, he could have touched just about anywhere and gotten a reaction.  She would never tell a soul, but she was terribly ticklish!  Indeed, it wasn't long before she was a hot, wet mess of tears and cries, her breath hitching heavily and her limbs desperately trying to prevent his tickle torture.
    "I'm gonna peeeeee…!" she screamed after a minute or so.  "I'm gonna huuurl…!"     "Well?  Which is it?" Joseph asked, continuing to assault her body with strokes and pokes aimed to excite the lady in all the wrong ways.     "B-boooth, waaaaah-haa-haaaaah…!!"     Mau was at the complete and total mercy of her fox friend.  He was sitting on her legs, preventing her from kicking him, much less scrambling away.  She couldn't stop him from touching and teasing her ticklish spots fast enough to recover.  It seemed like he was going to make her completely unravel!  But then…
    "Wh-what are you doing to my roommate?!  Hold on, Mau — I'm coming!!"
    A voice cut across the living room.  Joseph barely had time to stop what he was doing and look back.  Even then, all he saw was a white blur heading his way.  Before he even knew what was happening, he found himself hoisted off of Mau, swung through the air, and ass-over-teakettle on the floor, shoulders-first.  Needless to say, he was equal parts confused, disoriented, and in pain.
    "R-R-R-Renée?!"     Mau scrambled into a seated position, panting and red-faced.  She couldn't believe what she'd just seen her roommate do.  Renée just… just… reverse-suplexed Joseph.     "Th-that was so cooooool…!" she exclaimed, stars of admiration in her golden eyes.     "Call the police, Mau!" the blue-eyed cat shouted as she kept that fox pinned to the floor with her full weight.  "I'll keep this pervert at bay!"     "Okay!  Wait, no!"     Mau's expression shifted from excitement to deep concern.     "Renée!  He's not a pervert!" she cried, reaching out to the pair.  "I mean, probably not!  I dunno, LOL.  Oh!  He's my date!"     "Your date…?"     "Yeesss…!" Joseph hissed, trying to kick out of the grapple.  "Let me go!"     "Now, hold on!"     Renée kept Joseph awkwardly pinned as she cocked her head and looked at Mau.     "Why was your date trying to give you the bad touch, Mau?!"     "What?  Oooooh, no-no-no-no-no," the other cat laughed.  "He was tickling me!"     Renée blanched.  "But… you were screaming your head off!"     "He's, uh… he's real good at tickling…" was her friend's sheepish response.     The white cat narrowed her eyes… then, after a moment, she finally relented and slid away from Joseph, letting him scramble to his feet.  He quickly fixed his glasses as he stood.
    "I don't trust him," she murmured as she stepped over to her friend.  She narrowed her eyes at the fox before commenting, "He looks shifty — especially with that black hoodie!"     "Naw, he's cool," Mau vouched with a laugh.  "He's a loser, like me!"     "A-dah— thanks?"  Joseph snorted, rolling his eyes.     "Aww, Mau… you're not a loser!"     Mau blinked as she found herself on the receiving end of a small hug.     "You're just… eccentric!" Renée commented.     Mau wanted to argue.  However, the smile her roomie was offering made her reconsider, so she smiled back and returned the hug, instead.
    "As for you, Mr. Loser Fox…"     Joseph pouted.  "Heeey…"     Renée walked over, pointing at him with a look of suspicion.  She stopped, inches away, and let her eyes rove over his figure.  Eventually, she relaxed, crossing her arms over her blue turtleneck sweater.     "If Mau trusts you, then I guess you're okay," she rationalized with a smirky smile.  "But, if you make her sad, I'll break your butt!"     "She can do it, too," Mau added with a big grin.  "She knows Tae Kown Do!"     "She means 'Tae Bo'," Renée corrected with a giggle.  "Still, I do know some Capoeira!"     She stepped back and began to kind of… step-dance, getting a good rhythm going.     "It's good for cardio," she explained, "but it's also a form of dance-fighting!"     "I know what Capoeira is," Joseph answered with a nod, watching Renée's movements.  "I know a little, myself."
    Renée's eyes lit up as the fox started to match her movements.  Once they were in synch, a catty smile came to her face and, out of nowhere, she took a telegraphed swing at him!  As expected, he hopped over her leg sweep and tried to roundhouse kick in return.  She ducked it, of course, since he was telegraphing just as much as she was.  The two then put on an impromptu show, circling each other and exchanging easily dodgeable play attacks.     As this was going on, Mau watched in awe.  Joseph and Renée weren't doing anything particularly exciting, but the fact they were so in tune with each other amazed her!  She felt a little jealous, too, but she kept that to herself and clapped along to the rhythm of their steps.  They were having a good time, and so was she!
    After a couple of minutes of dancing and mock-fighting, Renée stepped back.     "Alright, so you can do Capoeira…"     She was trying to sound unimpressed… but honestly, she was all smiles, her tail swaying this way and that.     "I guess you're not all bad… for a perv," she coolly commented, winking.     "Love you, too, Renée," Joseph sarcastically answered with a grin.     The white-furred lady giggled and then softly thumped his shoulder.  He laughed in response, gently batting her hand away.
    "Anyway," she continued as she started to walk away, "I should get ready for bed.  It's getting late.  You should too, Mau!  You have—"     "Yeah, I know," Mau interrupted with a chuckle.  "I have work in the morning."     "Me, too…" Joseph added with a sigh and a quieter kind of chuckle.  "I need to tell Kris where I left those graded papers so she can double-check 'em."     "'Graded papers'?"  Renée stopped and turned back, smiling.  "Hey, are you a teacher at Mau's school, too?"     "Teacher's aide," Mau answered, smirking.  "He's not good enough to be a teacher!"     "K-Kris is the teacher," Joseph explained, visibly flustered by Mau's smart remark.  "I'm just her assistant.  She teaches, I grade papers.  I mean, I do other things, too, but…"     "Really?"  The white cat clapped her hands together, her smile warming further.  "Well, I think that's fantastic!  Are you friends?  Or, is she your sister, maybe?"     "You know… a lot of people say that, but—"     "They're roomies, like you and me!" Mau interjected.     "Oh, I see…"  Renée's smile turned playful.  "So, you're living under her roof, eating her food, using her power, and all that?"     "Wh-what?"     She grinned again before giving a knowing wink to Mau.  Mau just rolled her eyes and gave a dismissive wave in response.
    "Anyway, I'm gonna go get set for bed."  Renée looked between the two.  "Don't stay up too late, alright?"     "Yes, 'mother'," Mau sarcastically answered with a smirk.     Renée rolled her eyes in response, though she giggled.  She then bowed to the pair.     "It was nice meeting you, 'Mr. Loser Fox'!"     "Call him 'Mr. Yōkai'!" Mau interjected.  "He likes that!"     Renée blinked.  "He's a ghost?"     "No," the fox corrected with another pout.  "My name is Joseph.  Not 'Mr. Yōkai', and not 'Mr. Loser Fox'!"     "Know what?  You're 'Mr. Loser Fox', now, Mr. Loser Fox!"     "What— hey!"     Joseph scowled as Mau egged her roommate on.  Said roomie laughed, shaking her head.     "You two are so adorable together!" she merrily exclaimed.     "What— I—"     "Yeeaaah!" Mau answered, zipping over and clinging to Joseph's arm.  "Ain't we just?"     "Oh, my gosh!"  Renée couldn't seem to stop giggling now.  "You're so silly, Mau!"     "Hey, do I get a say in this?"     "Nope!" the ladies chimed in unison, shutting Joseph down.  Of course, they didn't mean it.  It just seemed like the thing to say.
    Eventually, Renée excused herself, waving to Joseph and bidding the two good night.  Once she was in her room, Mau looked at Joseph, still holding onto him and grinning.     "So, now what?" she asked almost expectantly.     He hummed.  "What time is it?"     The two checked the clock on the wall.  It was getting close to midnight.     "Ah, I should go home…" the fox said.  Despite that, he made no effort to move away from his companion.     "You don't have to."     He tilted his head.  Most of the night, Mau had been grinning or smirking at him.  Instead, she was giving him a gentle sort of smile.  It was somewhere between hopeful and understanding, almost like she knew the night was over, but wished it wasn't.     "I know, I don't," he said with a nod.     "What's that supposed to mean?"     The cat stepped aside, still smirking.  Her tail was curling around behind her, like always.  However, like many times throughout the day and night… she was knowingly smirking again.
    "I see how it is…" she began.  "You promise me a date only to trick me into bringing you home, then you pin me to the couch, have your way with me, and call it a night?"     Joseph blushed through his fur.  The way she'd phrased that was more or less accurate.  But at the same time, the wording was… questionable.     "I…  Y-you could've stopped me from tickling you!" he protested with a mix of confusion and indignance.  "A-and, you didn't have to drag me here to your place!  This was all your idea, Mau!"     She didn't answer.  Instead, her smirk became a smile again.
    "Listen," she said as she took Joseph's hands into hers.  "I wanna try this again.  The date thing, I mean.  If they're not still working on the roads or maybe if we set out earlier… maybe we could set something up this weekend?"     The fox blinked, not expecting that.  Mau was continuing to surprise him as the night wound down, it seemed.     "I… would like that, yes," he found himself admitting.     Mau's tail straightened, her eyes sparkled, and her smile brightened.     "You would?!" she excitedly asked.     "You're an odd thing," he responded, chuckling and smiling in turn, "but I'd be lying if I said tonight wasn't fun."     "I had fun, too!  You're… fun!"     There was a brief, somewhat awkward pause.  It felt like Mau was considering doing something…  A kiss?  A hug?  In the end, though, she chickened out and stepped back, resting her hands over her legs.     "Sooo…?"     Then… yet again… her cat-like grin returned.     "Where we goin' for our next date, Joe?"     "We could try that 'dinner and a movie' thing again since it obviously didn't work out this time around."     "I mean, we could…"     She stepped back in, pressing his nose to hers and lowering her eyelids.     "Ooooor…"     "No."     Just like that, Mau withdrew again and laughed.  He was catching on to her tricks.
    "We'll figure somethin' out," she said in a normal tone, still grinning.  "Count on it!"     "Pretty much," he answered, smiling a bit himself.  "So… walk me to the door?"     "Of course!"
    The night had taken a few unexpected twists and turns.  Mau knew Joseph wasn't entirely into her, she was going to keep trying to get his attention for as long as he'd let her.  She felt like she'd made some progress on that front.  At the very least, she'd made a friend of him.  And who knows…  Maybe if she played her cards right, she'd finally have a boyfriend!  As Joseph left her apartment complex, she pondered the possibilities to herself… only for her mind to become wracked with doubts.
    Mau stared at the ceiling in her mostly dark room that night.  She cursed herself for almost taking advantage of his generosity and for not taking advantage of his interest in her.  She thought about how close he and that "Kris" lady actually were… and how quickly he and Renée seemed to bond over "Capocollo" or whatever.  And, of course… she wondered if she'd made a mistake in being so honest with him.  That all led to one last thought before she fell into a dreamless sleep…
    You came on too strong, Nane.
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