#and I'm not about to google it to check because I'm perfectly happy to believe there's no chance it could still apply to me

[iwonderwh0]

What's a little comforting is that people with terminal insomnia don't live as long as I have been already living with mine. At least that's what I've been told

[c00kiejar]

This song...

I've never really made a proper post before, just shitposts and the occasional art thing. I want to make one to properly express how I feel right now and why this song represents it perfectly. I will warn you first, however, that this mentions a certain YouTuber who was recently completely destroyed on Twitter and my personal experience as a viewer, and may delve into some not-too-happy thoughts

Still here? Let's dive in

It all starts way back when I was still a kid. I was navigating the wonderful site known as YouTube, trying to find videos on videogames and, specifically, I think it was Super Paper Mario. I had no idea how to beat Chapter 2-3 (the Ruby debt one), and I needed help. That's when I stumbled across a YouTuber called Chuggaaconroy (a.k.a. Emile). The way he provided all the information I needed in one video was exactly what I needed. I couldn't subscribe to his channel because I didn't have a Google account, so I just periodically checked his channel, eventually learning he uploaded every day at 5 PM, perfect for younger me. I'd watch his videos when they came out, loving every single one. I eventually discovered his collab channel, The Runaway Guys, and loved that channel even more. He, Proton Jon (Jon) and NintendoCapriSun (Tim) entertained me for YEARS with their content. I even branched out into Jon's streaming community, becoming a semi-regular artist on the booru for a time (you can still find my stuff there under the name TehSm1tty. Not my best work, but I still like some of it). Years come and go, and I have my fair share of mental health troubles, but I'd always find Emile, Jon, and Tim there to brighten my days.

Fast forward to sometime last week. I've been pretty inactive on Twitter aside from my alts, but I decided to see what was popping on main. I log in and get recommended a post with the hashtag "WeStandWithChugga". I had no idea what was going on, so I looked into it. I won't go into detail here, but the jist of it is that Emile was a total creep to many women and even drove wedges between himself and good friends because of this weird behavior. There's a lot more to this than just that, but the point is that it shattered my view of him. I knew he was pushy and that always kinda annoyed me, but the extent of it broke me. For a few days now, I've been having a rough go of it. I mean, my childhood YouTuber just got outed as a complete creep and has some serious allegations of being at least a lolicon, at worst a pedo. I've been down and out for days, and it just wouldn't stop. That is, until I found out that Tim has a Reddit account. I never knew this (or, well, maybe I did and just forgot. Idfk), and was amazed to learn that Tim's been keeping Reddit updated on what he's able/willing to share. Turns out Emile's getting the help he needs at a legit mental hospital and that he's ok. That's what made everything stop. Hearing he's ok. After all the shit Emile has done, he's still a human being and doesn't deserve to have the whole internet turn on him in a fraction of a second. Hearing a fellow human is ok made me feel better. I'm not letting him off the hook, and I do not believe he should ever be forgiven for what he's done, but if he is willing to better himself and become a better person, I am more than willing to believe in that Emile.

Now to come to roughly 40 minutes ago. I decide to boot up Satisfactory and play a bit, but I have no idea what to listen to while I do. I put on a song but quickly get bored of it, and then I see "OMORI | Do You Remember? | Extended" in my recommendations. I put it on and instantly, as if I were splashed in the face by water, I wake up and feel better. I was still stressed about everything going on (I'm set to go to college in September, AND my folks are headed to Mexico in about a week, so I'm stressed from those too), but with the first note on the piano, everything faded. All my swirling negative emotions were replaced with a somber peace. I'm still hurt by the last week's revelations, and I'm never going to truly recover (who could?), but I'm moving on. I think my comment on the video describes how I feel best; "The sad yet peaceful feeling this song evokes in me... It's pretty much how I feel today. I feel at peace... or, well, mostly. There's still pain, and there always will be, but I can move on and I'll live. In the future, I'll look back on this last week and feel sad, but that'll be in the future when this is all over with for good, so I can also look back at before it and be happy that those good times happened. Nothing will ever be the same, but such is the way of the world. Saying goodbye is saying hello to the future, and we all need to do that eventually. Who knows what the future may hold? I, for one, can't wait to see. Hello future, and goodbye sadness".

Chuggaaconroy was an inspiration and a light in the sea of darkness for so, so many, and these revelations have snuffed the light he provided out. What I hope is that Emile takes a long, long break from the internet to become the person we all believed him to be, to truly become that bright light in the dark, rather than just another dark figure holding a flashlight. I don't hope for that as a supporter of him as I don't support who he is right now (as if I haven't said it enough), I hope for that as a fellow human who only wishes to see everyone become the best version of themself.

I think this post was exactly what I needed. I've finally gotten everything out in a cohesive (maybe?) and healthy manner, and I'm ready to become my best self. I will be beginning work on YouTube videos tomorrow, and will hopefully be posting Thursdays at 5 PM (in honor of DatPags whom has not uploaded in a long time).

To anyone who finished reading this post, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Please, go become your best self, but do not do so by putting others down. Better yourself and acknowledge your flaws, overcome them, and do not repeat Emile's mistakes. Learn from those around you.

Yours truly,

Cookie_Jar of Tumblr dot com

[siriuslysatorusimping]

hi kiko happy new year! hope you have a wonderful year!!

i have a question, what's your process when writing gokudo? cause i think i saw you once say you fact check some things (i have terrible memory i could be wrong). and is it harder than anything else you have written?

Hi, sweet Anon! Happy New Year! Mine is okay so far, I hope yours is as well!

My writing process for Gokudō?

C H A O S.

Confusion. Hatred. Anger. Overthinking. Sobbing. 😂😂😂😂

Frustrated groans. Random googling. ADHD research spirals looking up completely unimportant, tiny details and then losing my writing groove because of it 😭 Second-guessing my plot decisions and wondering if what I have is just shit 🙃🫠

Honestly, though, it has been harder than a lot of the other things I've written. The primary reason is that it's a world I'm completely unfamiliar with. I'm very familiar with (US)academia and mental health, which makes Physical Paradox a bit easier to write in some aspects. Another Level had a guidebook of sorts to work with, which made it easier to know where I was going.

Gokudō is difficult because I honestly didn't know where I was really going with it for a while. I didn't have an end goal figured out for a while, and while I've figured some of these details out, I'm still struggling. Determining the primary conflict, figuring resolutions, figuring out how dark I want to go, all of those are difficult decisions. On top of the fact that I don't know a lot about Yakuza. And my autistic ass hates inaccuracies in writing, so I've done as much research as I can. But I will be taking some liberties with how things work with the syndicates in Gokudō simply because I can't make everything perfectly accurate, as much as I would like to.

I've done a bit of research about irezumi, clan structure, and a few other things. Honestly, how they interact with law enforcement is gonna be pretty inaccurate because it's kinda the least of their concerns compared to the issues they're facing. And the fact that Gojo faced no legal repercussions after he killed a few hundred people when he was twenty? That boy would have definitely gone to jail for life lol.

Thank you for your question!! And again, I hope your year is going well so far!

(I cannot believe it's 2024. This isn't fucking real)

[ssentimentals]

dating seungkwan feels like...

singing your heart out in karaoke. it's this rare sense of comfort when you are not afraid of acting silly and receiving weird looks; it's about never being called 'too much' or 'over the top', it's about knowing that you are perfectly fine the way you are, knowing that you are enough, knowing that any form of you will be accepted and loved.

('why i can't be somewhere in the middle?!' you lash out in frustration. 'i'm either too much or i'm not enough why can't i be just-just..' you trail off, unsure of the ending. 'ugh.'

'just what?' seungkwan asks. he was silent during your rant, listening closely but not scheming in. 'just fine? just enough? you already are, dear. in fact, you are so fine that if they reject you it's only because they recognize competition in you.' pure sincerity in his voice makes your eyes fill up with tears and seungkwan rushes to your side immediately. 'no more self-doubt, dear, only confidence in your capabilities. and you are perfectly capable.')

seungkwan is someone who joins you in any of your antics; when you suddenly start acting like you're in the movie - he instantly plays along, when you want to dance under the rain - he's spinning you in circles and hums some tune, when you feel like screaming - he takes you somewhere far and lets out all frustrations with you.

('my fort is better,' you proclaim proudly, giggling when seungkwan huffs dramatically. 'don't be a sore loser!'

'we need an opinion of a third person or else it's not fair.' he quickly takes pictures of both of your forts and sends it into the group chat, asking which one is better. 'loser cleans the bathroom whole month and i'm definitely not doing it!')

he is the soft hum of your favorite song, he is a bubbly laughter that lights up your mood, he is a steady hand to hold on to when you need support; seungkwan is many things but above them all he is loud. Loud in the way he proclaims his love to you ('i will go to the roof right now and shout 'i love you' from there if you don't believe me!'), loud in the way he shows that he cares ('where is your hat? and scarf? don't make me go all mother hen on you, you know i will!'), loud in the way he is not ashamed to let everyone know that you two are together and that he is so, so proud to have you.

('you look very..proud,' you comment, sliding to the seat next to your boyfriend. seungkwan's hand wraps around your shoulders and he quickly kisses your temple, ignoring whistling from the boys. 'wanna share why?'

'i'm just so proud that you are with me,' he answers honestly, grinning. 'everyone here loved you, boys came up to me to say how nice you are and i'm just- really happy. and proud.' he smiles and squeezes your shoulder: 'i knew they would love you.' but then his face changes and he adds: 'but they can't love you too much cause competing with my friend for you is not ideal-'

'oh my god, boo,' you interrupt, rolling your eyes on his dramatics. 'don't go overboard, okay?' you ask and when he nods, you peck his lips, smiling. 'good. and just for the record - i'm proud to be with you, too.')

seungkwan goes into relationships all in, treats them like his most important solo project on which succeeding is the only option. he is serious, diligent and although he usually tries to laugh his efforts off, he does try to be the best for you. he's doing it all, he searches on google the best gift ideas, checks reviews of new places, asks his friends for an advice, reads forums - all to be able to give you the best experience. he is shy inside but tries to come off as confident as possible and with you he grows, matures into someone he's really proud of.

dating seungkwan feels like a car ride with windows down: sometimes wind gets too strong but that doesn't deter the happiness and freedom you feel in your chest. you know that we are just tiny humans but seungkwan makes you feel like you are so much more, like you are moon and sun and all of the stars; he makes you feel like living is best when it's done loudly.

a/n: the way this one sucked the life out of me when i wrote it..god. check out my other works here - nini <3

tag list: @pearlygraysky @woozionascooter @smalliechelle @jaetaimjadore @yeow6n (let me know if you want to be added!)

[stickeykeys]

hi you guys :) casper here! (i hope you don't find me annoying) but i'm fairly new to shifting actually, and i just wanted to know your opinions on it because i've seen a lot of stuff about whether it's actually going to another dimension or just an advanced form of dreaming? and how exactly does group shifting work? (you guys r the only blog i can find that has a bit more group shifting content), hope you both have a great day <3 - 👻

Hey Casper, you're not annoying us at all but basically shifting is, from my understanding, going to a different dimension, reality, whatever you want to call it. However, it's only your consciousness that shifts realities, your body remains and functions perfectly fine while you shift (this is a thing called your 'clone'). Realities link to the increasingly plausible idea of the multiverse so how both shifting and group shifting works is by specifying a certain reality that an individual or group wants to go to so you all end up in the same reality. :)) - Fen

Hi Casper!! I'm so happy you decided to come check out our blog (i've heard lots about you <33) but what Fen said ^^ is very much my understanding of shifting as well. When it comes to group shifting however and specifying the realities, I do believe it's important to create a script for these as you both need to understand the specific reality and all details should remain consistent for both of you (despite profiles). You could definetly use a google doc or if you're irl friends with the person you wanna shift with you can always write it together on paper then scan it or something. But don't stress a ton about lil details in group shifting, it's just a bit of fun! - Amber

P.s I'm so sorry this has been sitting in drafts for days- forgot to post itjsjdjdjsjsjsns

P.p.s this is a very surface level explanation would anyone be interested in a more in-depth post?

[oootsevenlyon]

why I'm not happy about the cb/mOnO

mOnO is OnlyOneOf's announced new single to be released on September 10, 2021 and OnlyOneOf isn't excited about it.

Not to mention there's a song release while 8D Entertainment still refuses to address fans' concerns about Jisung's departure.

I'll put most of the rest of this under a cut because it's long and i'll be discussing bubble messages. but just in case you're like "what's mOnO?":

It's a digital single announced as their first 6 member release, first teased with individual portrait shoots starting September 1st and then more properly announced on September 7.

Under the tagline "from boy to man", it is supposed to convey a "more intense and mature look."

[here's the Naver article this quote is from]

So here's all the things that bother me:

First, a few short comments on things I don't have a lot to say on but that are still notable:

- the line "from boy to man" really bothers me because their previous releases haven't been immature at all, they're literally all adults who for the most part manage their own content and Kyubin is literally 29 none of them are boys what are you on about?!

- the whole release, including the photoshoot, feels very rushed. the picture quality is... decent enough i guess? Except if you look at the group teaser picture, the "OOO" mark is incredibly low-res which is really weird for a watermark

look at that. what's that?

As I've said before, quoting the TV show Skins is... a choice I can't make sense of? And there was that one quote that wasn't even a real Skins quote. It really feels like 8D just ... googled that? And then didn't even fact check? Doesn't feel like something OOO would do. Doesn't feel like something Jaden would do..

- obviously it's ridiculous that 8D was silent for a month about a major reorganisation of their only group and them quite apparently silencing their members and then just drops some teaser as if everything is normal, that's a given and i'm not elaborating on it here because i talk about it literally every day.

- "mOnO", paired with the black and white pictures, the whole theme appears to be about "monochromatic" - anyway, here's a quote by Nine from an interview: "It means a lot to get away from black and white. By adding more elements and colors to our albums, we hope to represent our growth.” (he's talking about the ice and fire packaging)

[link to the article is here]

And now - OnlyOneOf isn't excited about this release.

I'm really only basing this on bubble messages - we also have the fancafe and the member twitter account. But bubble is that one platform where I, like, check my phone on my lunch break and there's 37 new messages from Rie. So. Bubble. I'm paraphrasing in parts and you aren't supposed to post their messages outside of bubble because it's a paid service. But if you don't have bubble and you want to see their messages for yourself, there are places on the internet where you can find translations of all their messages from the very beginning.

I'll do this teaser by teaser, and put everyone's reactions:

Yoojung -

from Yoojung: "who saw the teaser~~~" (0:47 am KST) + that he was surprised when he saw the picture + thanking everyone for complimenting him.

from KB: saying that yoojungs photo is "a big hit 🤯 " (0:48 am KST)

KB -

from KB: "i like the teaser.." (17:02 KST)

from Nine: saying that KB's picture came out well (6.11 am KST)

Rie -

from Rie: "wow you guys are seriously amazing, i can’t believe you put it together.." (0:48 am KST) (*bc people were right abt his teaser being next)

Mill -

- Mill hasn't mentioned his or any other teaser -

from Nine: "oh!! it's Yongsoo?!? I thought it would be Junji 흐흐" + Mill's hair has gotten long + he's handsome (0:05 - 0:14 am KST)

from Rie: saying that his teaser looks like a perfume model (2:01 am KST)

Junji -

from Junji: "it’s me?!ㅎㅎㅎㅎ" (1:18 am KST)

from Nine: "doesn’t junji's hair fit him perfectly????!??!?" (17:53 KST) (but he didn't fall in love with him!) (+ next day talking about it again, "oh my jjunji isn't that too erotic...?!?!" (Sep 6, 1:27 am KST))

Nine -

from Nine: 19:28 KST - is looking forward to the teaser, hopes it comes out soon / 23:50 KST - "is it time already?!?!?" + what kind of picture will it be? / 1:28 am KST - "oh right my teaser is up too" (after talking about Junji's teaser again) + how he took out his piercing bc he thought it would fit the picture better

group picture -

- nothing -

video teaser -

from Nine: "oh the teaser was uploaded ㅎㅎ it's my voice 하 " (4:15 am KST)

basically - that's nothing. even with wookjin clowning us like that, it's literally nothing. they've talked about getting vaccinated a whole lot more than they've talked about this song. no word of excitement about the actual music. big "oh, right... the teaser" vibes. all the reactions we have are basically about the visuals, not about the content or the concept

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

Fic Writer Questions! (you can find me here on AO3 if you're interested!)

tagged by dear @theburialofstrawberries mwah!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

112 yowza!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

750,421 kinda tempted to go delete one word so it can be 750420 which is a far more Pleasing number

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

12ish but some of them overlap: BBCS/Sherlock Holmes/ACD (these are all different bc my bbcs fics are not the same as my own modern fem Sherlock Holmes adaptation are not the same as my ACD Holmes fic; Good Omens; Harry Potter/The Werewolf Draco Malfoy Cinematic Universe; Captive Prince; The Hobbit; Fleabag (it was a crossover with BBCS but Fleabag is the perspective character so it still counts as a separate fandom imo); Doctor Who; The Office; Parks and Rec; Broad City (one a piece for those last 5 but I AM going to write a Parks and Rec polycule fic for @gaykagome)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

They're all Good Omens fics from the 2019 Summer of Good Omens! Susceptible to Summer, Fragments Shored Against My Ruin, Something So Magic, Enter Serpent, and Anything We Like

All of those have over 2k except the last one, but average engagement for me is like 400 kudos or so

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try! It depends on what's going on with me. Sometimes I just don't have the energy, and I figure people would rather I spend my brain power on writing new fics than on writing replies to comments. Wish I had a fave button tho so I could let people know I read and reread comments, because I do!

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh I wrote this ficlet series called A Chemical Defect about John and Sherlock's relationship in s3 of BBCS, and it's WILDLY unpopular. People don't read my fic to cry sad tears I guess! John and Sherlock are having an affair in the story, and it ends with the implication that their relationship is unsustainable and that Mary knows about it anyway. I intended to come back to it after s4 and write a more optimistic ending but LOL! Didn't have the heart.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I know this answer is kinda up my own ass, but like. I think stories that feel true to life sort of feel like they end on a beginning if you know what I mean? You don't really consider a chapter of your life closed until you look back on it from the next? SO that said, I think I'd have to say that it's my big BBCS serial The Only One in the World. I spent 2 years writing it, and it ends with John retiring from medicine to solve crimes and write books full time.

Could also be my WDMCU (werewolf Draco Malfoy cinematic universe) series Moonrise, which starts with Draco isolated in his abusive mother's house, trying to cope with lycanthropy essentially alone and ends with him in love and surrounded by found family in a cozy cottage in Hogsmeade, having gotten some lycanthrope rights legislation passed after working at it for years and talking to Harry about whether they want to have kids. Oh man I feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I have written one crossover. It's BBCS/Fleabag, because me and @loudest-subtext-in-tv were laughing about how John seems like one of the horrible guys Fleabag sleeps with basically out of self loathing, so I wrote this fic to make Nattie laugh, and you should read it bc it's so good and so underrated.

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really, but people don't seem to know that authors can read bookmark tags unless you private the bookmark, and someone once put in the bookmark tag on one of my fics 'writing was meh but it was okay.' Okay so why bookmark it then??

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Fuck yes! I'm not sure what 'what kind?' means? People fucking? Sloppy, silly, and awkward, with lots of laughing. I also really like writing afterglow scenes which are even sillier and gigglier and often involve one character cooking for another. Food as love language is a very distinct pattern of mine tbh

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of, but occasionally I'll write a post on here where I make some elaborate head canon, and I'll see people in the tags talking about how they want to write fic of it, and it makes me breathe fire out of my nose like a dragon like PLEASE DON'T. The WDMCU came out of a ficlet post I made on here like a year before I actually wrote the 60k series so like!!! Please don't do that!

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! To Russian and I believe Chinese. Not my entire oeuvre but a handful of BBCS and Good Omens fics

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I wrote a fic inspired by an RP I did with my gf right around when we met (actually now that I think about it, it's two fics), and I waaaaaaanna do a WDMCU collab with my beloved Sally @clytemenestras at some point if he has time bc he inspired me to even write werewolf draco with his original lesbian werewolf story

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

favorites are hard for me? I always think I'm currently doing my best writing lol so I'll say drarry

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I don't post fics unless theyre finished, so I don't have any WIP up on AO3, but I did intend to continue with my fem Sherlock Holmes series, Your Many Tendencies. I just haven't been in a Holmes mood for a long time. Maybe I'll come back to it idk. This particular series is honestly very unpopular? People will just straight up say they don't read femslash, and it hurts a lot. This series feels really personal too, bc it's about a Black autistic nonbinary lesbian, so it does hurt my feelings that no one seems to care, yknow? I mean the people who read it are extremely kind and thoughtful in their engagement with it, but it has vastly less engagement than my m/m fic, and that's painful. It gets literally 1/10 the attention my fics usually get.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Almost all of my writing is romance, but I tend to write concurrently about recovery and found family, and I think I'm very good at doing that in a way that connects with my audience. I once had someone ask if they could use my words in their wedding vows, and I've had people tell me they started doing things with their spouse that my characters do with their partners in order to express love. I think about that all the time. My Impact. It makes me feel like I have a real duty to my audience yknow?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

This question is hard for me like I've been writing so long and so much that I'm literally always happy with my final draft! It's always exactly to my taste, yknow? I suppose I could say that my fics tend not to be terribly plotty but so WHAT? That's beside the fuckn point for me. Plot who? I don't know Her. Also honestly like. Stories feel more True to me when they aren't ruthlessly devoted to plot bc like life isn't like that yknow?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If you're not fluent in that language, get a beta who is!!!!! That said, I have written scraps of very simple dialogue in French using mostly Google Translate (sometimes I check w Sally bc he speaks French but I am usually too impatient), and I am perfectly well aware that I take my life in my hands each time!!! Also don't do that bullshit thing where it's in italics? That shit is weird and exoticizing. Just write it in quotation marks like normal dialogue.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

BBCS babey back in 2012. Ended a 5 year dry spell for me after I got my writing degree.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Hmmmm I think it's probably gonna be the fic I'm working on now that I haven't posted yet, but I know it's called Names for a House, and here's a tiny bit of it

Thanks again Shreya for asking me to do this bc I really love talking about myself. I tag @the-moon-loves-the-sea, @clytemenestras, @tomiano, @gaykagome and @totallysilvergirl

No pressure <3

[kpop---scenarios]

Over Time

Commissioned by: @my-loves-18

Pairing: Shownu x Reader

Warning: Mentions of Violence, Angst, Smut

Word Count: 3.8k

"You're just jealous." Your best friend, Steph chuckles, nodding her head towards Shownu with his arm wrapped around a girl. 

"Jealous of what exactly?" You scoff while rolling your eyes. 

"Hey, Y/N." Shownu yelled from across the lawn. Despite you hating him and your assumed dislike he had for you, he still tried to get under your skin. Well not tried, succeeded. He enraged you, not made you jealous. 

Pfft. 

You may be a lot of things, but jealous was not one of them. 

"You have to make a comment everytime you see him with a girl, or just see him in general, Y/N, and with me dating Wonho we're around him alot." She says. 

You know she's right, but it's not like you dislike him for no reason. You had two, and to you they were very valid. 

The first one, you hated the way he treated women. Every party you went to, his arm was wrapped around a new girl every time, when you'd see him out, he was with a new one. You'd heard plenty of girls crying in the bathroom after just seeing them together, and it wasn't hard for you to put two and two together. He was a typical frat guy, who did the typical frat guy thing of sleeping with a ton of girls and throwing them out after he was done with them. You didn't care if he slept with thousands, just treat them better. 

The second thing that made you really despise him, was the fact that he dropped a beer on you at your first frat party of your Sophmore year and laughed while high-fiving his friends, leaving you completely embarrassed. 

"Whatever, I'm not jealous. I have class." You say, giving her a small wave before walking away.

It was the first day of your junior year and you wanted this one to be the best one yet, since you knew next year was going to be your last. 

You walk into your math class, scoping out the people you would be with for the next few months, when one person in particular caught your eye. 

Kim Namjoon. 

You had seen him around campus last year, and the immediate attraction you had felt for this man was powerful. He crossed your mind off and on all throughout the summer and you made a vow that you would talk to him if he was ever in one of your classes. 

Taking a deep breath, you walk over to where he was sitting and clear your throat. 

"This seat taken?" You ask Namjoon, sliding in beside him before he can even answer. 

"No." He coughs, clearing his throat, and goes ahead. "Hi, I'm Namjoon." He says, holding his hand out for you to shake. 

Oh you know. 

"Y/N." You smile, excited to see what this year brings. 

** 

Over the next few days, you and Namjoon are unable to stop talking to each other. Your heart skips a beat everytime you see him, the butterflies in your stomach act up whenever you even think about him. 

Was this love? Is this what it felt like? Because if it was, you were here for it. 

However, everytime you interacted with Namjoon in any way, you felt like someone was staring at you, as if someone was burning holes in your back. Finally after a week, you got tired of it, turning around to see who had an issue. 

Shownu sat there with his arms crossed, eyes staring right at you and Namjoon. You could see Namjoons face become frightened as he quickly looked away from Shownu, looking almost guilty. 

"God that guy." You mumble, feeling annoyed. 

"You know him?" Namjoon asks, avoiding eye contact.

"Kinda. Same friend group. My best friend is dating his best friend." You say. 

"So you're not close with him?" Namjoon asks, looking relieved. You shake your head no, which makes Namjoon smile but for some reason, this smile felt different. It was cold and creepy, but you shrugged it off, not thinking too much into it. 

Later that evening, you sat inside the frat house, gushing about your week with Namjoon to Sarah when Wonho and Shownu walked in the room. 

"Kim Namjoon?" Wonho asked, sitting beside Sarah, wrapping his arm around her.

"The one and only." You chuckle. 

"Careful with him. We've heard things." Shownu says, plopping down on the couch opposite of you. 

"Pfft. What things?" You scoff, not believing him. 

"His last girlfriend went missing, Y/N." Shownu says. "Just be careful." He finishes, standing up and walking towards the front door. 

Your stomach dropped.

Was it true? 

On Friday you woke up grumpy as all hell. Shuffling your feet down the hall, you enter the kitchen where Sarah stands, drinking a cup of coffee while you yawn largely. 

"Late night?" She asks, pouring you a cup of coffee. 

"Yeah, I don't know. What Shownu said to me was playing through my head, but I don't know if I believe him." You tell her. 

"Just be careful. I don't have a good feeling." She tells you, with a sympathetic smile. 

**

That weekend you spent your days not doing homework, no, you spent your time googling everything you could find related to Namjoon and his previous girlfriend and what you came up with was astonishing. 

Nothing. You found nothing that linked Namjoon to any type of disappearance. You read about a young girl going missing, but Namjoons name was nowhere to be found. That was when you decided to not take anything Shownu had to say seriously. Clearly he enjoyed just fucking with you and making you panic. 

** 

Saturday night you went back to the frat house for a party, hoping to see Namjoon there, along with hoping that maybe, just maybe Shownu would sit this one out but to your luck, he didn't. 

The moment you walked in, you felt a pair of eyes on you. Looking around you see Namjoon staring at you. You smile at him, walking towards him but something stops you, another pair of eyes, burning into your skin. Looking up you see Shownu staring at you, his eyes going in between you and Namjoon. He shakes his head no to you, telling you not to go over there. You roll your eyes, walking to Namjoon anyways. You didn't understand what Shownu's deal with you was. He only likes to crack jokes at your expense and taunt you, why was he acting like this now that you were interested in someone? 

Sarah had told you it was because he was into you, but you couldn't believe that. There were no signs, he was always mean to you. Plus you did not like him at all. She was delusional, right? 

"Y/N. Can I talk to you?" You hear from behind you. Shownu standing there, looking worried. 

"No Shownu. Butt out." You sigh, walking away. 

You ignored the nagging feeling in your stomach as you walked towards Namjoons extended hand, ready to see where the night took you. 

** 

Monday morning you walked into your classroom, a smile on your face that you could not shake. Your night with Namjoon had gone perfectly. The two of you had gone for a walk before going to get some ice cream and then sat at a 24 hour Cafe and just talked. You talked about everything, family,  friends, school, life. It was perfect and you were falling hard. 

"Are you okay?" You hear, making you come out of your happy bubble. 

"I'm fine why?" You ask, looking at Shownu with a blank stare. 

"Just checking. Sorry." He mumbles, walking back to his seat as Namjoon glares at him, sitting beside you. 

** 

Over the next few weeks, your high of going out with Namjoon began to quickly dwindle into becoming scared of him. If you didn't call him back within two minutes he got very angry. 

"Hey , sorry I was talking to Sarah." You laugh, the phone against your ear. 

"Yeah sure. Probably fucking someone else like a whore." Namjoon spit. 

"What? No, I was literally talking to Sarah." You whisper. 

"Yeah, you better have been." He snaps before hanging up. 

 If you ignored him, he showed up at your apartment. 

Sunday night you heard a frantic knock at your door. 

Knock 

Knock 

Knock

"Open up Y/N! I know your home!" He yelled through the door. You quickly unlocked the front door, Namjoon pushing his way inside. "Why are you ignoring me!" He yells. "Who's here!? Where is he? I heard shuffling. You're probably hiding him in the bathroom, aren't you?" He yells, storming to the bathroom. 

"Im studying!" You say, pointing to your books scattered across the floor. "This is too much." You sigh. He apologizes after looking in the bathroom, the crazy in his eyes still lingering. 

The two of you weren't even dating yet and he was very controlling and possessive and you didn't want it. 

On Monday you sat at the opposite end of the classroom, away from Namjoon. You could feel his eyes burning into your skin. You turned around and saw Shownu staring at him, making sure he knew he was watching. 

"Why didn't you sit with me?" Namjoon asked, grabbing your hand as you exited the room, pulling you to a corner. 

"Look, I don't want to see you anymore. I'm done. Leave me alone." You say, walking away and feeling relieved. 

With your head down, you continue walking down the hall, accidentally bumping into someone on your way. "I'm so sorry." You say, looking up to see Shownu standing there. 

"No worries5." He smiles at you, making you smile. 

"Look.. I'm sorry I've been butting in with you and Namjoon. The dudes just not right." Shownu expresses. 

"I know. And I'm sorry for not believing you.. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. He's scaring me." You tell him. 

You're not sure why you were telling this to Shownu. Maybe it was the fact that he had been so nice to you, so concerned about you. You weren't sure. 

"I'm glad you're okay." He says. 

"I still don't like you." You mumble, beginning to walk away. 

"Woah, woah, what did I ever do to you?" He asks. 

"Seriously? The beer poured all over me?" You scoff. He laughs. 

"That was an accident." He says. "It wasn't meant for you specifically, you just happened to be under there." He clarifies. 

"Well I don't like the way you treat your conquests." You say, crossing your arms. 

"My conquests?" He asks with a laugh. 

"The girls you sleep with and the dump." You explain.  

"Which girls are those? Because I haven't gotten laid in like 6 months." He laughs. 

"Then why are you always with a different girl? Why are some of them crying after being alone with you?" You ask, crossing your arms. 

"I do have friends that are girls. And when they're crying, it's usually because they're having issues with their own boyfriends." He chuckles. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't just fuck anything with two legs and a vagina." He tells you. "I only sleep with someone if I like them." He finishes, giving you a small wink before walking away. 

Had you really been wrong about him this entire time? Hating hkm for something he wasn't even doing instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. Honestly you felt a little shitty for the way that you had treated him all the time and assumed how he was acting. 

Walking to your apartment, you don't feel the gaze of Namjoom on you, as he follows you, making sure you're heading there alone. 

As you walk down the street, you can faintly hear the sound of footsteps behind you. You try to peek over your shoulder to see who's there, but you can't see anyone, only your shadow from the dimly lit street lights. Your stomach is in knots as you pick up your pace, just wanting to get home and feel safe. 

You round the corner of your apartment, bolting up the stairs as fast as you can, noticing a figure behind you catching up. Your hands shake as you find the key and slide it into the lock, hoping you can make it before he reaches you. 

You knew it was Namjoon. You knew he was pissed you wanted to end things, and he knew you were scared of him and he decided to use this to his advantage, knowing when you get scared, you get clumsy. 

"Hi baby." He whispers in your ear, covering your mouth with his hand and pushing open the door to your apartment. 

You were so close. 

That evening Sarah had messaged you reminding you she would be out of town for the week with Wonho, visiting family. 

"I remembered. But judging by the look on your face you forgot and hoped she would be home tonight. Sorry baby." Namjoon whispers, stroking your cheek. "So beautiful." 

**

Wednesday. 

[7:29pm] Hey Shownu, it's Sarah. Can you check on Y/N? It's been a few days and she hasn't responded to me. I'm worried. 

[7:31pm] I'm on my way. 

** 

Shownu arrives at your apartment, his hand up ready to bang on the door, when he hears a voice. Pressing his ear to the door, quietly, he immediately recognizes the faint voice of Namjoon. You try to reply but he can only hear mumbles. You couldbt be tied up.. could you? 

Shownu juggles back and forth for a minute, deciding what to do, and ultimately he decides to go for the safest bet. He walks away from your door, pulling out his phone to call his cousin, who just happens to be a cop. 

"Hey Seo-Joon, it's Shownu. Look, I might be overreacting but…" he goes on to explain the situation and how he thinks you're being held against your will. 

"Don't worry, we're on our way. Hang tight." Seo-Joon says, reassuring him. 

A few minutes later, Seo-Joon, along with five other officers walk up the stairs, joining Shownu as he points to which apartment is yours. 

The police count down before they break down the door, three men rushing in to tackle an unsuspecting Namjoon, who swore up and down everything was consensual, while you barely sat in a chair, rope burns around your wrist and ankles and torso, showing that you had been trying to escape, your body limp and bruise. 

Shownu rushes towards you, untying you and holding you until the ambulance comes, riding with you to the hospital and not leaving your side for a minute. 

Sarah and Wonho came home as soon as they could, Sarah feeling so guilty about leaving you, even though no one could have truly predicted this. 

Namjoon had been arrested and was awaiting trial as you healed from the terrible experience. You were assured you would never have to see him again, as he was now also being looked at for the disappearance of his previous girlfriend. 

As time went on, you and Shownu slowly became closer. He visited you at the hospital often, then when you were home, he practically lived in your apartment. 

When you got better and started going out, he was always around you, if not beside you, he was close enough that if you needed him, you could call and he would hear you. 

The second frat party you attended is where he kissed you for the first time. 

You had excused yourself from the dance floor, feeling flushed and a little thirsty, you made your way to the kitchen for a drink. Shiwnu came in behind you asking you if you were okay and if you needed anything. You were leaning against the wall when he walked over to you, his body just barely pressing against yours. 

"W-what are you doing?" You ask, your throat suddenly dry. 

"Can i see something?" He asks. You nod your head yes, and he leans in for a kiss. 

You melted. 

He pulled away, smiled and walked away. 

Oh boy. 

 The next week, neither of you talked about what happened at the last party. However, that weekend you found yourself pinned against a wall, your legs wrapped around his waist as he aggressively slid his tongue into your mouth. 

Shownu pulls himself away, letting you slowly slide down his body until you're level on the ground. 

"Fuck." He groans, giving you a smile and a wink before walking back to the party. You were definitely starting to like him. 

You had tried to ask him about it on Tuesday in class, and he told you to "just let it flow." 

You weren't sure what he meant, so you left it alone and went on with your week. 

That next weekend as you walked into the frat house, your body instinctively moved toward Shownu, but you decided you wanted a drink first. You smiled as tiu stared at the wall that just last weekend he had you pressed against. 

"Whatcha smiling at?" Sarah asks, walking behind you to pour herself a beer. 

"Ahh, nothing." You nervously chuckle. You knew she'd be happy for you, but honestly you didn't even know what the two of you were, if anything so why get excited over nothing? 

You and Sarah took a few shots, getting nice and tipsy before heading to the dance floor. You were feeling a little sad you still hadn't seen Shownu. The song changed as the two of you walked over there. You began rolling your hips to the beat, your eyes finally meeting Shownu's. He lickdd his lips as he watched you dance, shaking your hips and ass, keeping eye contact with him. 

When the song finished, you tried to get yourself another drink, but instead of making it to the kitchen, you found yourself being dragged up the stairs by Shownu. 

He pulled you into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind you.

"Can I help…" you began before being cut off by his lips. 

"You are so sexy." He groans, his lips never leaving yours. He pushes himself against you, letting you feel his hard cock through his jeans.  

"I want you." You moan, moving yourself so he will pick you up. 

You wrap your legs around him as he moves you to the bathroom counter, sitting you down, never breaking the kiss, grinding his cock into your already wet clothes pussy. 

Shownu parts your legs as he pulls your ass closer to the edge of the counter, gripping his large hands tightly to your thighs.

He drops to his knees, pulling down your panties licks, with your help. You both were thanking you for wearing a skirt tonight. Shownu places your legs over his shoulders, leaning you back to get better access. Bending down, he llicks a strip up your already sopping cunt,  causing shivers to trickle down your spine.

“Fuck” you groan as he latches his luscious lips to your clit, sucking harshly.

You move your hands to his head, gripping a fist of his hair as he flicks his tongue against your clit, while you grind your self in his mouth. 

Shownu reaches his hand up, slipping under your shirt, cupping your breast before pinching your nipple, rolling it in between his fingers.

“Just like that” you cry out. "Fuck." You grunt your orgasm building.

Shownu flicks his tongue faster, switching between using his licking and sucking. 

Your grip on him tightens as your orgasm comes closer, a few more long licks and you’re sent over the edge, letting out a string of cries and curses words as your body shudders, harshly grinding yourself against his face. 

Shownu pulls away from you, licking his lips with a smile on his face. 

You push him back, sliding off the counter before dropping to your knees. 

Reaching up you unbutton his pants, yanking them down, along with his boxers, allowing his cock to spring free. 

Your mouth waters as you stare at his large, thick cock, his red tip dripping with pre cum. You wrap your hand around his large shift before taking his tip in your mouth, sucking harshly, lapping up the cum. 

"Damn baby." He groans, throwing his head back. You begin taking in as much of him as you can, moving your hand from in the way. 

You gag on his cock as you deep throat Him, making him hiss in pleasure. 

Taking him from deep in your throat, you twirl your tongue around his tip while pumping him at the same time. 

"Holy fuck." He moans, not wanting you to stop. "If you wanna fuck, you're gonna have to stop." He cries. 

You halt your movements, taking him from your mouth, before standing up and bending over the bathroom counter. 

"Fuck me." You cry, shaking your ass for him. 

You can hear Shownu groan as he watches you stand there, bent over, waiting for his cock. 

"Gladly." He growls, lining himself up with your entrance before pushing himself inside you. 

"Your cunt feels so good." He moans, thrusting in and out of you. Your hands grip the counter tightly, your fingertips turning white. 

"Harder." You cry. Shownu pounds his cock inside of you, the sound of skin snapping fills the bathroom. 

There's a knock at the door that shocks ykh both, but Shownu yells for them to fuck off, his orgasm building. 

You rub your clit, your second orgasm coming on quicker than your first, taking no time to wash through your body, making you cry out. 

"Shit im gonna cum." Shownu grunts, pulling himself out of you before pumping his cock to cum all over your back. "Fuck I'm sorry." He says, making you chuckle. 

"Just loan me one of your shirts." You smile. 

"Now that I can do." He says, grabbing your hand to take you to his room. 

Later that week Shownu asked you to be his girlfriend, which you happily accepted. He had told you, he knew that over time you'd come around to be with him. And he was right. 

** 

It had been a few months and you had never been happier. You and Shownu were still going strong, and Namjoon was being held in prison. Life was actually really good, it felt like nothing could bring the tso of you down. 

"Hello?" Shownu says, answering his phone. His face goes confused, putting his phone on speaker. 

"Y/N." You hear, it's Seo-Joon. 

"Oh, hi." You giggle. 

"Look.. i don't know how to tell you this but Namjoon was released. The judge decided there wasn't enough evidence." He sighs. 

Your body begins to tremble at the thought of Namjoon roaming the streets again. Just as you feel like you're about to cry, there's a knock at your door, and your stomach drops. 

[mindthebulletso]

What?! No I'm not !! the only side I am in is that of my way of seeing the world, my conscience, my cynical character and experience. Because I am very selective and I have chosen people to follow. I don’t follow you because you are a Louie but because I consider you a smart girl, so seeing how easily many have fallen into this, imo, manipulation hurts me. For Louis above all else. Because I remember being one of the first in 2018 to speak openly about Sony Sabotage in HS2 favor and I perfectly remember what and how it was answered to me!!

Because I remember Why I looked for the Rads ....and how the world has turned upside down 🤣 Having moved away from Styles for other reasons, having taken a different approach before this perhaps affects my thoughts and reasonings but how can you not understand that you are doing exactly what Sony wants (regardless which Label we will discover has louis now) years of Larries VS Anties hasn't really opened your eyes? How is it possible? Have you ever noticed how many Louies (not larries) always write "team" and never "Sony" Have you ever noticed how full their accounts are with everything Harry does / doesn't do in real time? Twenty-five years of Kardashian (Hello Uncle Irving) did not help to understand StarSistem is based on chatter and not only on good things? They often update before Larries! if you want to know what happens in Harry Styles life follow a Louie. nice no? If you watch MV to "see how shabby it is" and then talk about it on social, however, you contribute to creating curiosity, chatter, comments, quarrels. If you always complain using Harry as a yardstick, you keep Louis in this funnel that L is crushed in one way or another. If you look back and you don't see how much 2015!Louis was tired and only blame Xander for that , thinking that he was happy for singing a bit more because Zayn was gone or for the water fights with Liam it is you who considers him half of a ship!! If you confuse his nostalgia and humility for lack of ambition or trust , you consider him half of a ship. If you love Louis and have decided that Harry is an active part of his sabotage why don't you get to completely ignore him, always, in the most absolute way after having clarified your position? And if you have decided this, how can you accept Niall and Liam, whom you consider his brothers do not take sides with him but rather, as soon as they can, they raise Star!Styles? Have you ever thought about how he can feel seeing that his fandom, while insulting Styles' new life, spends days asking for OneDirection!Louis? And the braces, and the hair, and the beanie, the headband, and the tank top .. he had to admit this is frustrating but nevertheless Louies continue and if you point it out the answer is "Old!Louis receives more likes " 😒

anyway let's go.. “Because I loved Styles anyway and I have a past with him” Ok. Let's start from here then. Azoff and Sony in 2013 begin to seriously plan H solo career. Azoff has a story, a very clear story, but you voluntarily ignored it at that time, only to blame Styles for choosing them (being chosen) now!! Like three silly kids Louis Niall and Liam until 2016 believe in an 18-month hiatus 😂 . Do you really think they are so naive? Seriously? Louis William Tomlinson who at 20 sees a hole in the writing process of the band and turns everything upside down does not understand what is the destiny designated? Among other things, the same for all boyband before 1D and info easily accessible on google But “he was in love "ok. But then you have to admit you start from the starting point that you now strongly reproach Larries. You have to admit you are living in Young & Beautiful Spin Off because instead I see a strong, smart, brilliant man, who for 10 years has been fighting tirelessly for his individuality. I think this passive Louis is the result of the FF you read because you are the first who make everything go around Styles, even before Sony. Someone stuffing your head saying Harry doesn't need Larries anymore. Are you Sure? Because business is brutal and Labels don't exist for your enjoy. They don't invest in you leaving you power. It is quite the opposite. The more you make money, the more you are a puppet. Just check the difference in numbers between H and Justin, Ariana, Selena, Ed, DuaLipa to understand what I mean!

the Direction taken is the right one, it is having a good success - well deserved - but, believe me, not enough to justify the investment made. And do you really think Azoff, manager since the barter still existed, evaluates the point of view of a 25-year-old who even made almost deny the first album? Who no longer took his mommy on holiday when Harries started complaining about her presence? Do you really think these guys signed contracts to their advantage (I'm not talking about money of course)? Do you really think Styles can say in Sony -I don't do this-? Based on what? Do you blame Harry for his ambition but do you really think he has alternatives? Especially in Sony that has no other icons of this generation? Someone make you believe Harry is loved by everyone but have you ever come out of the fandom bubble to read what so many locals write about him? don't you read how much hate he receives? Azoff arrives in 2013, from that moment on did you see his life change for the better? Less work, more attention to his health or did you see him arrive at the end of 2015 without voice? or do you think "better life" is going out with Taylor Swift and Kaya Gerber Because in that case you love the life Louis says he hates 😟 And considering the type of music he produced, do you think his 2021worldtour is to safeguard his voice and health? Really!? And how is it possible if Azoff loves Harry person and not Harry MoneyMachine? Do you really think Harry is so naive that he doesn't know this? Do you often notice how bad it is aging, How dull are his eyes.. Isn't this already an answer? And if you want to say "that's what he deserves" wow do you remember that you don't really know them and that they are only singers / strangers you love? They are not really your son? that you've never been to their room and their songs aren't a gossip magazine?

Same talk about Louis Fam. Louis Tomlinson openly lashes out against Euphoria chatting with his HetStalkerNumberOne creating more promo or against Zayn when he drops GY but is unable to tell his stepfather / sisters to stop using his life like that? Really? Or do you think he did this but Mark ignored that ? Everyone uses him but he, passively again, cannot do anything. Do you really think Louis is this? Why? Look Louies focused on commenting What Harry is doing in istagram? Look how much power they are giving this stupid thing? They put Harry at the center of Louis' life, they considered him Mrs L. Styles weak and closed in the suitcase with the only ambition to jump on his cock. why this daily need to highlight how disappointed you are with the person who has become? Are you more concerned that Harry cheated on Louis or that Harry cheated on you? Because if you think Louis has a new life why you don't go on too? The position is clear, why keep playing the Sony game? How do you think Louis feels when he sees his fandom has absorbed that his pubblic life has been closely linked to his girlfriend for years now? When you read that H's lunch with stringer was cruel and nobody mentions anymore three days later he was paps with El and the dogs? Just because The Sun canceled? What does it matter he had to undergo this, he had to get out of bed, go out and go to the pap (in 2020 only if you are 12 you can think that the paps are not scheduled) You can also think that there is a friendly relationship with E but why you accept that she is also present when a month later they go to GoKart? Why can't only Louis spend The first Christmas without Fizzy and Jay with his sisters? Why can't Louis alone participate in the B.L.M. march? We told ourselves that the cause was more important than the company and it is true. But important for whom? For us or for him that of B.L.M. did speak before everyone when it wasn't “trendy” ? Why doesn't even his fandom fight for his freedom? from everyone?! Why Do you think this imposition is healthy for him? Or do you think he chose this, because if you think this then all JLYMV was a joke for you and it's okay but I ask you, do you really believe that it is no longer hard for him suffer the presence of Eleanor than a Harry Styles SmileyNails ? Are we talking about what's harder for him or for you? Does Louis individual really care about anyone? Because my heart breaks to see how, even if it were reality, his pubblic life is linked to this girl as if she were the star! Everyone has a girlfriend but not even Kilye Jenner was so present in Travis Scott's career, private life. Why don't you rebel against this? Why "thank you Eleonor" ? Why is your selfishness more important than he has to live this actively? Why do you think it is easy for him after 10 years? Whatever your opinion about , Louis has not interacted publicly with Freddy since 2018. Why don't you get angry with Louies who do not care about this and clog social with his pics not respecting Louis' will? Why do you only get angry with a certain part of fandom and not with those who help a small group of people to spread this child's face wildly despite Louis not doing it? Why don't you ask yourself "louis does not do this, it is the case that I do it"? Who is your Louis landmark or the baby's family? Why is Louis never enough? Why don't you see Louis' individual freedom is not seized by Harry Styles but by Sony which is who should protect him from Azoff / Styles? If your answer is "Sony does not believe in him enough" I'm sorry I have news for you, you believe Louis tomlinson is not worth enough .. and while you continue this useless fight between Louies Larries Labels will continue to use Harry, Louis for their bank accounts and only for that laughing at us whatever the real personal situation between the two of which I honestly care zero but, as you can see, in one way or another it is still at the center of our attention and if Larries have the justification "I believe in them" what excuse do you have?

[rydersworldbro]

Hey, I read your last post about mental health. I hope not to bother you but I need to get something off my chest. I'm terrified by this pandemic. I'm Italian and my nation completely shut down. My aunt has bronchitis and fever and she is waiting for her test to be done and I just can't. It's surreal. People are locked down in their homes. I feel powerless. Please, I need some advice. I feel so angry towards all the people who are joking right now

It’s a perfectly natural thing to feel the way you’re feeling! And I must admit, all the memes never sat well with me, I just don’t think it’s something to laugh about, (but I think that comes back to people’s defence mechanisms kicking in because on some level we’re all scared, some people deal with it differently) There are so many different sources - “facts” and wild information floating around out there, it’s hard to know what to feel. But you’re right in the thick of it. I truly hope your aunt is okay, and that she will recover from whatever illness is effecting her, and I hope you and your family/friends band together and get through.

My advice? Well, this is what I would try to do...in order to stop feeling powerless, we must take control of what we can, and realise what we cannot. So seek information that will help you, your loved ones and your community, but do not overwhelm yourself with so much that you become too panicked. Stay educated, but don’t cause yourself harm by overthinking about things out of your control. I know that sounds preposterous and unrealistic given your current circumstances and it’s so simple for me to say these things, I’m not in your situation (as yet) but you need to do whatever you can to help regulate your body, because right now you’re probably in a fight/flight/freeze response - cortisol and adrenaline are flooding your system. These are the things we can control, believe it or not, when we exert our minds. Try googling some deep breathing techniques... and get your body into a calmer state. Then reconnect in with some things that might lift your mood, or at least take your mind into a better place...

Try grounding or anchoring yourself with activities/things that bring you back to your body and feel light, or fun - maybe something you used to do on a rainy day as a kid? I just picked up my ukulele that I haven’t played in a year and lost 2 hours re-learning some chords. Maybe board games? Puzzles? Cards? Music? Reading? Meditating? Watch a comedy or cartoon that you used to love? Draw something? Write a poem? Ring your best friend? Take an Epsom salts bath with a candle and wine? Dance? If you’re tired, allow yourself a nap... listen to your body. Eat something fresh. Watch some YouTube videos about grounding or even search some EFT videos to calm anxiety. Connect to yourself and what brings you happiness. And remember you are not alone. There are so many people that are dealing with the same feelings and emotions and exact situation as you right now. Talk to them. Express yourself with the people going through this with you, pass along things that seem to be working/not working for you. Share this experience. Use this unfortunate set of circumstances to meet yourself again, meet who you are on your own, and meet yourself through the reflection in other people. Message/call/email/FaceTime. Check up. Other people need you as much as you need them right now. I’m sending you all the hugs!!

[mr-entj]

Hi Mr. ENTJ. I gained a lot of value from your ENTJ to younger ENTJs posts even though I'm an ISTJ. May I request that you write one for ISTJs centered around communication and interacting with other types? I'm asking specifically for those that are not TJs. Happy new year to you and your wife! (and Mango!)

ENTJ to younger TJs (communication)

Combined with the following ask:

As an ENTJ, do you find yourself misunderstood sometimes? I’m a 19 y/o INTJ and I find this ridiculous and hard to believe because we’re one of the most blunt types out there so I default on thinking it must be something I’m doing wrong or my Te isn’t working right. Do you have any advice around this?

Hello, Mr. ENTJ. I am a 20-year old INTJ studying Computer Science. While I’m passionate about tech, I want to end up in a leadership position in the future, as I am (some say overly) ambitious and always want to do more and be better. Professional success is the most important thing to me and I am willing to work hard for it. Although I seem to be on track for a good career (top uni, good grades, future internship at Google), I know I should do more if I want to eventually reach the top. ½ My main problems are with communication and understanding people. I have been working on becoming more assertive and learning to seize opportunities and have made progress. Could you give me some tips on what traits would be desirable and what I could do to develop them? Also, is there anything specific I should do because I don’t have a Business background? (not sure if this qualifies as an extremely specific to my life question, as it might be useful for others as well) 2/2 

Related answers:

ENTJ to Younger ENTJs

Advice to a young 8w7 from an older 8w7? Thanks!

I’m an ENTJ. My question to you is that my sister is an INFP and at times it is difficult to connect with her.

On communication, 3 things a young TJ (ENTJ, ESTJ, INTJ, ISTJ) should know:

1. A fact to you is an opinion to someone else. This is critical to address our trademark tendency to use facts to build arguments, guide actions, and push for a certain outcome. Other types interpret information through different filters and come to conclusions using different paths. This contrast will become glaringly obvious when speaking to users on the Ti/Fe axis because they don’t have Te. They don’t place the same weight on the same sources and methods that we do– and that’s something to take into consideration when you’re trying to effectively communicate.

Ask yourself:

“Why do I believe what I believe to be true? Why are my sources more valid and reliable than the other person’s sources?” Analyze.

“What evidence do I have to support my assertion? How can I use that evidence in a way that builds a bridge between the problem and my solution?” Elaborate.

“If the other person is resisting my point of view, what about mine is clashing with theirs? How can I step in their shoes to understand their perspective?” Solve.

And always remember that while facts may be concrete– outcomes are not.

2. You can soften your words without diluting your message. If you want someone to eat what you cook, then make what you cook palatable. If you want someone to receive your message, then make your message easily receivable. Our trademark bluntness and straightforward style, which other TJs may appreciate, can come off as harsh, rushed, and rude to other types who work differently. If someone doesn’t like how you said something, regardless of how perfectly true and valid it is, they’re much less likely to accept it. It’s the difference between gently handing someone a gift with a smile versus throwing it at their face and shouting, “You’re welcome, idiot.”

Ask yourself:

“What’s the communication and socialization style of the person I’m dealing with?” Observe how they start and stop conversations, how they start and stop explaining their ideas, and how they present and defend their ideas. How people talk is how they listen.

“How is the way I communicate perceived by the other person?” Check your body language, tone, diction, etc. What you’re saying versus what the other person is hearing is often very different.

“How can I adapt my style in a way that my message will be better received by this person?” Mirroring can work but if that’s exhausting then try tailoring and tweaking parts of your communication style.

The two common complaints about this suggestion will be these:

You may need to use more words to explain things because being short and to-the-point is socially interpreted as rude so adding more verbal “cushion” will soften the message. Understand that it’s better to take more time up front to do it right than to go back and have to go back and fix it and/or do it again. Instead of saying “No, I’m not coming,” you’ll need to expand further and add some verbal cushion: “Thanks for inviting me to the evening event but unfortunately I have a conflict at that time from a prior commitment. If anything changes and I free up during that time, I’ll try to stop by. Have a great time.”

You may feel “fake” like you’re speaking in a way that isn’t true to your personality (Fi trigger)– but that’s not the case. Understand that you’re being adaptable, not fake, by tweaking and tailoring your message to the receiver. Would you send a letter written in French to a Mandarin audience? You wouldn’t, because they wouldn’t understand your message. You could teach everyone else French but that would take more time and effort than simply speaking in a language they understand, getting it done, and moving on. Efficiency and efficacy are the goal here.

3. Remember the good. This is about our tendency to provide constructive criticism when someone does something wrong more frequently than positive compliments when someone does something right. We don’t tell people enough when they’re doing a good job because to our types, a job well done is its own reward, it’s empirical evidence of something that worked out correctly and saying that it worked out correctly seems redundant. Even if pointing out a typo in someone’s book is helpful to them, don’t ignore the rest of the story that was well-written. Say the good because they earned it. 

It’s great to help other people improve by giving them feedback and help, this is how we show that we care, but avoid barraging people in a way that makes them feel attacked. Verbalizing what someone did right reminds them that you’re firmly on their side and that you mean well even if there are things that could still be improved.

Don’t just focus on preventing negative outcomes– help create positive ones.

[missmarj]

Stone Cold

This Bucky x Reader one shot is inspired by Demi Lovato's song, yes. I heard an acoustic version last night and it sounded so raw and so fucking broken. And I saw Black Panther the other day and bruh the end credit. I really like Shuri!! So smart and funny and playful and beautiful!💕

I see people putting up warnings, so i guess beware? Tons of F bomb and feels coming your way? If you are not into sad endings, I could write you up a happy ending. (Seriously, I would. I know what its like)

Welp, here it is! Enjoy my lovelies!

You met his gaze and felt that familiar tug on your chest. You hesitated at first but finally wave at him and smile. He reluctantly smiles back. You recognize the smile, it was one of which he puts on when something's bothering him or if he's just putting up a front.

The plastered smile on your mouth vanishes as a beautiful woman steps in to his arms and plants a chaste kiss on his jawline. Right where he loves it the most. Dazed, he looks away from you and down to her. Then, you feel your heart shatter into millions of pieces as he gave her that look and smile that once belonged to you. You wished you hadn't seen that.

You stiffly turn away, swallowing the forming lump in your throat. Making your way to bar, you feel your face get hot as the throbbing pain on your chest increases.

You sat on one of the bar stools breathing deeply with your head down. 'Anything for you miss?' The bartender asks. And so you begin, ordering till you numb the gaping hole on your chest. You down shots and every known mix of alcohol they have on the selection.

'Maybe you should take it easy?' The bartender asks out of concern. 'You dont have to worry about me. I can hold my own. Now, can I try-' you look down at your phone at your googled drinks must try, 'An appletini' you laugh, cursing the alcohol internally for making it easy for a giggle fest. When the bartenter, whose name was Oliver you now noticed, didnt move an inch to prepare your order. You got up from you seat.

'I'm not fucking drunk, Oliver. Watch.' You say as you walk as elegantly as you can in 5 inch stilettos. You twirl and wink at him as you turned to face him. When he didnt seem convince still, you curse at yourself. 'Motherfucker.'

You look around at the party goers and people dancing around you and yell, 'Oliver here wont give me my fucking appletini because he's worried im drunk! And im not! Now people, can you please give me some space?' People started hooting and cheering, all excited about what you’re going to do.

'Mr. Bartender! Can a drunk person do this?' You started to do a cartwheel and then a backflip on your fucking heels and dress. You land perfectly, proud that despite the alcohol concentration coarsing through your veins, youre still able to pull out a decent flip. Skills. Come. Through!

People cheered and clapped. Someone yelled from the back, 'Give the girl her damn drink!!' You yelled back a thank you as you brush you hair back with your fingers.

You come back to your seat and started sipping at your price. 'Y/n, what's going on?' Tony asks with a toothy grin, looking around anxiously. 'What do you mean? I’m just tryna have fun. Appletini?' You offered and Tony swatted your hand making you spill some of your drink. 'What I mean is, you're not yourself tonight! Causing a scene? doing fucking flips on an Elie Saab dress?! Drinking your face off?!' He gestures at Oliver. 'You there, Oliver! Stop handing her more drinks!' Tony scolds. 'Dont listen to this killjoy, Oli.' You winked at him.

'Y/n, im serious. I will take you home this instant if you wont stop drinking.' Tony says through gritted teeth. All the emotions you have been bottling up rises up to your throat.

'What am I supposed to fucking do Tony? First you ask me to move on and forget about him and i did! I kept my distance from him and everything else. Then you asked me to go out, and party and 'get shitfaced'! And now that I'm actually doing it, you act like you have stick up your ass when in the first place, I'm only doing what you all are asking me to fucking do!' You scream, jabbing a finger at his chest. A few guests turned to look but Sam intervenes, 'Nothing to see here people, move along!' He says while Steve smiles curtly and encourages everyone to help themselves to food and drinks.

Nat and Wanda came at your side and Bruce steps in placing a hand on Tony's chest, asking him to calm down. 'Come on, sweetheart. I'll get you as much drink as you can finish. Back off Tony.' Nat glared as she pulls you with her to an empty table. She hands you a glass of scotch and you down it as Wanda rubs your back soothingly. 'I dont get it. I thought I'm okay now. I thought I had-had let him go. But I still, fuck, it still hurts.' The music was blaring and you werent sure if they even heard you at all.

You wipe away your tears and start feeling your face get numb as the alcohol take its effect. Nat kneels down in front of you with a sad look in her eyes. 'Im not going to be like everybody else and tell you that you should just move on. Hell no. I'm your friend and believe me you deserve to cry this out, get crazy and acknowledge the pain. Because you got fucking hurt! A man you love is here tonight with someone else! If I were in your shoes, I'm probably going ape on them right now!' Nat yells through the music. Throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. You and Wanda laugh at her. You reached forward, hugging both Wanda and Nat. 'Thank God, I have you two.'

Wanda pulls away and puts her forehead against yours and Nat. 'Lets get shitfaced.' She says intently and you burst out laughing.

Time flew by as you, Wanda and Nat drown yourselves in alcohol courtesy of Oliver's fear of Natasha's wrath. You three were laughing and dancing like lunatics on the dance floor and you ladies must look like youre having the time of your lives because even Sharon and Maria abandoned their dates to join your little circle.

'Guys, shit. I gotta sit down. These shoes are killing me!' You made your way back to your table and grab your clutch. You took out your phone and checked the time. Its almost 2am. You look back at the dance floor and saw your friends having the best time. By now the alcohol was burning off of your body from all the sweating and trips to the bathroom. Which reminds you.

After doing your business you went ahead and washed your face and arms. You're still tingling from the alcohol. You thought about sneaking and heading home as you dry yourself with paper towels.

'There, you look decent again. Sort of.' You utter at your reflection. You are reapplying your lipstick when the door opens. Of course, with your luck and fucked fate, it was her.

She froze for a second and recovered with a dazzling smile. Damn, she really is perfect. You thought. You smile back a bit late because she's already beside you. 'Hi.' She says quietly as she washes her hand. 'Princess.' You try to sound as casual as you can but you couldn't recognize your own voice. 'Please call me, Shuri.' She asks, looking at you through the mirror. 'You guys look like you’re having the best time. I wish I had friends like that.' She says as she turns off the sink. 'Oh and you look amazing by the way. Your dress, wow, breathtaking.' She adds and you can actually see that she's sincere about it.

Didn’t she know?

Impossible. Hell, even tabloids made articles about you and Bucky. There's no way. Then again, its not like the Princess of Wakanda listen to gossips or read tabloids.

You snapped out of your reverie and gather your thoughts. Maybe she's just genuinely nice. Bucky wouldn't have liked her if she weren't. Wow Buck, what a catch. You thought, staring at the beautiful woman in front of you.

'Yeah they're a good bunch of people. And they match my crazy. Thank you Princ-Shuri. You too. You look divine. Please excuse me, I need to go.' You smile at her and turn for the door.

'It was nice bumping into you.' She says. 'I hope youre doing fine.' She adds hesitantly as you walk to the door. You turn back to look at her and smile, this time genuinely. Woman to woman, that’s actually a nice thing to say. 'I will be. Thank you, Shuri. Bye.'

You blink as you walk out of the rest room, thinking how easier it would be if the woman Bucky replaced you with wasn't as nice and as perfect as her. You breathe out shakily as you made your way to the exit.

'Y/n' an all too familiar voice called out as you push the elevator button. You turn around and there he was. Dashing and breathtaking as ever. His hair was slicked back but a few strands fall to the side of his face.

'Hey.' You breathed out.

'You heading home already?' He asks, now just a feet away from you.

'Yeah, I think I already hit my threshold for alcohol.' You laugh, still feeling bold and tingly. And sorta numb.

'You’re heading out alone? Are sure? I can drive you.' He offers, already fishing his keys from his pocket. You wave your hand at him as you shake your head.

'No no no, im good. You head back in there and i'll get going. I will be fine. Besides, you dont want to keep you gorgeous date waiting.' You say. The throbbing pain in your chest creeping up on you again.

'Y/n, I can't let you go home alone. At least-' Bucky starts to protest but you dismiss him by placing a hand on his chest. You froze for a second and thought about pulling him to you and kissing him for the last time but you resisted. Your hand turns into a fist at the collar of his tux. 'Im going to be fine, Bucky.' You choke out. He sighs and touched your hand on his chest. You tore away your gaze and pulled your hand just as the elevator dings open.

'Y/n.' he calls after you but you press the elevator button close.

'I’m happy for you.' Or at least you try to be. 'Goodbye, Bucky.' You say as the door closes between you and him.

GIF was from Snow Stan!💕 Hope you enjoyed this one!! Love and huggies and kissies for your bucky/sebstan trash heart!