#and I'll probably play with more of those (like the actual romantic parts & the parts where Silver isn't a part rotting cursed monster...)

[ashtxrie]

due 11:59 pm

— alternatively, enhypen hyungs as your typical high school crush!

PAIR. high school! enhypen hyungs x gn!reader (rest under cut) GENRE. fluff, high school au, bullet points WORD COUNT. 1.8k total MAKNAE LINE VER.

이희승 — lee heeseung

varsity jackets, notes in lockers, late night calls, secret pining, basketball games

secretly (not so secretly) an attention seeker

he's on the varsity basketball team, so by law you're hyping him up (disguised as hyping up the whole team) before the game and now he has to win!!! (plus he made a bet with jay about the team's winning streak)

i'd think that you two are closer than acquaintances but don't know each other well enough to be close friends

you guys probably met through mutual friends groups that kind of merged????

it was junior year when he signed up for every ap class you took just to look at your face more often.

horrible move for his gpa, amazing move for his mental well-being

... that was, until his mental well-being was compromised again because his ap calc grades were... not sexy

"help like actually i don't think my coach will let me stay on the team if i fail another quiz like that 0.05% grade decrease might be the end of my career"

you start tutoring him not because you're super confident about your calc skills, but because 1) you're better than him at least 😂and 2) it's a free excuse to hang out with him after school

you guys have your first tutoring sessions over discord vc btw like LOSERS

"can you hear me okay"

"..."

"dude you're muted"

IT WAS BAD

he's got the popular guy on the outside, an absolute loser on the inside persona

like he's lowkey a romantically awkward dude

but once he got to know you a bit more from your 1 on 1 time (still on discord.) you guys got really close!

would talk shit together right before basketball matches too

"[name] make sure to start booing when the other team shows up because unfortunately i think they're actually really good"

you're really passionate about how the other schools have horrible players (regardless of stats) and love to narrate a play-by-play with heeseung after the match is over

he finally confessed to you after a whole business year (jake and riki were about to dox their private dms by then)

you guys are like those stereotypical high school movie it couples, where it seems like two gorgeous popular people fell in love

they don't need to know he's just a hopeless romantic!!

박종성 — park jongseong

blue ink, keyboard clicks, shared laughs, handwritten notes, guitar strings

you thought he was pretty intimidating at first ngl

first day of school and he has a whole pre-established friend group, somehow found a table to sit at, has an effortless air going for him

you were paired up with him for a group project in history and

god help this man is SO straightforward and to the point

"ok so i'll do this part and you can do those parts. let me know if you have questions."

insert working in SILENCE for the next hour and a half

at least you two got your work done though!

but then, as an icebreaker in the last ten minutes of class you asked:

"oh... so, uh, do you ever wonder how liquid soap was invented?"

girl wtf!

your internal thought processing was like ??? damn who said that??? before you realized it was YOU

fortunately for you, jay was not completely weirded out!

he even looked a bit interested!

VERY interested, actually!

and that's how he began google searching like crazy, pulling up a million wikipedia articles and scouring the internet to answer your question

because how did you know he was curious about that too!

he really went from 0 to 100 and wdym you thought this man was cold and stoic

he became a d1 yapper for a solid ten minutes, up until the second the bell rang

he was even subconsciously walking with you to your lunch spot, STILL talking about william sheppard and that day in 1865

when he stops and finally realizes where he is, he actually blinks a bit before asking if you had joined any lunchtime clubs

and you were like oh yeah!! i'm in guitar club

he looked at you with the biggest heart eyes at that tbh

HE WAS IN LOVE

wdym your interests were perfectly aligned???? was he in a soulmates au

fast forward three months, and he seriously thinks he's found The One

confesses to you after playing guitar!! and he wrote a handwritten letter too with a cheeky reference to that one liquid soap conversation that started it all

you never feel like you're being "too weird" when you're with him and you two can always be your candid goofy selves with each other :))

심재윤 — sim jaeyun

muji pens, fond eye rolls, sharing books, lunch dates, lattes, TI-84s

you already saw this one coming

physics lover jake, but you've deemed physics your number one opp

HOW can this man go "i love this subject so much omg" after you've just gotten your third 72% in a row?!

it's not like you weren't smart (the class average was a 55)

and it's not like you hated the subject itself

okay maybe you did

but you just thought there were so many other alternatives other than physics to fawn over as a favorite subject. like. ANY other subject

one day, you're seated next to jake in calc and he just turns to you and starts talking out of NOWHERE

he’s like wow isn’t this so interesting? calc is like a hobby of mine!!

and you’re like boy stfu??? i’m literally struggling how is this your pastime 

poor guy just wanted to make small talk and impress you with stuff he thought you were interested in… which is academics 

fast forward to that afternoon in history though, and tests are passed back

you're a certified humanities girl, so you got an 100!!! academic weapon

jake, however..... is kind of an academic shield in this case

on the midterm, he had written that the victorian era ended in 1592, and filled in everything else he didn't know with "mansa musa" because it was the only thing he retained from ap world

maybe you genuinely felt really bad for hating on him when he had struggles of his own, or maybe you felt really nice that day, or maybe you were secretly hoping to get to know him more....

either way, you don't know what came over you when you tapped on his shoulder

you missed how his eyes widened a bit when he turned around, and how he looked genuinely shocked that you were talking to him in an initiated conversation! maybe his rizz was working! (maybe it was)

"there's a method that i use to memorize terms that i could teach you, if you want"

IF HE WANTS??? he would've literally jumped with joy if the paper in front of him wasn't such a nuclear bomb to his gradebook

so that's how you suddenly started spending all your lunches sitting with jake at an empty table together

he tutors you back for physics and math too, so it's fair

and DAMN it works

suddenly you two are all-rounder academic weapons???? he has your back for STEM, you have his back for humanities

like that's literally a power couple right there.

only one problem.

you aren't a couple!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you confess to him after one of your study sessions, by plotting a heart on the desmos graphing calculator using the equations that he taught you

it was super cute!!

he was literally the proudest and happiest man alive he teared up a bit (he would never admit it though)

and NOW you guys are the campus power couple

“babe look at this!” and he's waving at you with his 100 on the history final

he actually started jumping and hugging you (embarrassingly) when you found out you got a 94% average in physics at the end of the semester, giving you an A in the class

you were so shocked when you opened your report card that you didn't even register it until you heard jake go "YOOO OH MY GOD BABE THAT'S INSANE I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT YESSS I'M SO PROUD OF YOU"

well maybe thanks to jake the subject isn't so bad now!

박성훈 — park sunghoon

big school, comfortable silence, convenience stores, headphones, lingering gazes

the "everything kinda sucks here, except you" type of plot

sunghoon tries to stay out of the spotlight, keeping to himself with his head down, hood up, and headphones on

you're not really sure when you met him first actually, but you're both the same type of people where you're just going through the motions

you intrigued him though-- maybe it was the slightly melancholic look in your eyes? or maybe it was the way you purse your lips when you find a particularly hard question on the worksheets in class

either way, he finds himself wanting to get to know you more

funnily enough, he sees you at the convenience store after school as he walks home, and his feet start walking him in your direction

you see him first, and give him a smile and a little wave-- and sunghoon waves back without even thinking about it

that was the entire interaction that day, but sunghoon keeps replaying that part when you smiled and waved at him

why can't he stop thinking about it?

some things definitely changed too-- you start saying hi to him in the hallways at school, you turn to sunghoon to ask questions in class, and you seem to brighten up whenever you see him

you guys start to have conversations, starting with simple small talk, then moving to longer, more random dialogue where you both just say whatever comes to mind

the two of you become so close that you decide to walk to and from school together, since you found out that you only live a couple blocks away

sunghoon likes to place his headphones over your ears to show you new songs every morning, and you like to share earbuds in the afternoon to walk home together

he also starts to slip little notes about his day in your backpack before you go your separate ways in the neighborhood, signing off with a little p.s. to meet him at the park before sunset

it takes him SO long to muster up the courage to confess to you because he keeps thinking you'd say no

but when he finally does, all his fears melt away because you looked at him in such a soft way

he's actually reminded of why he fell for you in the first place

because with you, there’s no judgment from the outside world in the little bubble that you’ve created with him

it's just the two of you against the world <3

TAGLIST : @star-sim @boyfiejay @jlheon @jwsdoll @dimplewonie @suneng @en-gelic

[silverstar-8]

Lucifer's Headcanons!

I decided to write some headcanons for Luci. There will be sfw as well as nsfw ones! I'll might create more, but for now there will be only one part.

Also, I think you could say Lucifer x Reader, because I'm talking about "you" while describing some of his interactions. But most of the time, I think about my self-insert. Just letting you know!

SFW (Some random, but also romantic ones. They are NOT in the order):

Of course, he loves making his little ducks in his workshop, but he can create other things too! I have a feeling that he would make toys for Charlie and also jewellery. He is really creative with them.

He moved in to the hotel and the apple tower is his. I know it's more like prediction for a future season, but it isn't 100% confirmed, so still counts as a headcanon.

He is autistic. Yes, I know he has depression, but for me he is depressed autistic.

If he is around someone he loves (romantically) his tail shows up. It might even wag! Really fast!

And also, his tail would totally hug his lover's leg. And he wouldn't even notice.

He is a little bit more social than he was before. He's still struggling, but visiting more Charlie and helping her with a lot of stuff is still a big step!

When he's sad and alone, he is hugging himself with his wings. He's in wings' town. It's his way to comfort himself.

About wings, he can also do this if his loved one feel sad. He will literally hug with arms and wings. Really comfy.

Also, his feathers are really, REALLY soft. Great for petting. (He loves when someone is petting them)

If you feel sad, he would probably hum a melody or even literally sing for you. As well as playing an instrument, because why not. He can do all of this.

When he was alone, he talked with his clones. They are connected to his thought, so the conversations were interesting. He still sometimes talks with them, but most of the time he's using them for helping him with stuff, like makeup.

He likes to jump in the pile of rubber ducks. It is comforting for him.

He's pansexual. I don't have an explanation for this, I just feel he's so fruity XD

He has dark gray arms AND legs.

He has also hooves.

He is that short, because he actually like this height. He was like that since he was created and it would be really weird for him to change height.

But also! He loves to be carried!

And carry others!

NSFW below! (Time to be more wild, hehe)

First, I want to share my personal favourite nsfw headcanon I created. I've seen that most people assume that he has a dick. And of course, it's valid! Everyone can have their own headcanons, but I decided to think more about his design and what he is. So, he is an angel. Fallen, but still an angel. And he looks like a doll. What I mean to say is that he isn't human. He might look like one, but he doesn't even have ears or nose. So after this analysis, I've thought to give him... nothing! Yes! He is like a doll! He has nothing down here. No dick, no anus, none. BUT, remember everyone that he is a shapeshifter! He can adjust! So even if he doesn't have anything down here, he can create anything he or his partner wants. Dick? Sure! Pussy? Of course! Both? Why not?! Maybe something more crazy, like tentacles? We can go wild as fuck! I love inhuman characters like Lucifer, because you can actually create something really crazy like that! And it makes sense! I mean, think about it! Why angels would need anything down here? It just makes sense that they don't have anything here!

So, as I said, he can create anything he wants, but what is happening with him when he doesn't have anything? I've thought about this too! So, when he doesn't have reproductive organs, few spots on his body are becoming more sensitive when he's horny. They are: Hands, hooves, tail, around his horns, few spots on his wings. If you massage those places, he can have orgasm. It is a little different experience than what we, human can achieve, but it's as intense, if not even more sometimes, as our orgasm.

About horns... if you pull them during sex, he can come just from this. But you have to do this strong! Don't worry, you won't hurt him.

He fucked with his clones for sure. He is the fucking sin of Pride, of course he had to have fun time with himself. But it is kinda like advanced masturbation, because he controls them.

But it also means, that with a partner, he could use his clones, so you could have a literal gangbang with just Lucifer.

He prefers folks with pussies. It is just his personal favourite, but he wouldn't mind if his loved one had different thing! He would eat you anyway.

He is a total switch. He is the literal definition of this. He feels comfortable in being sub, dom, top and bottom.

As a power bottom, he is a little shit, because he is challenging your dominance. He loves it.

I can imagine that in dominant role, he would be really caring or more aggressive, depending what you wanted.

He talks a lot during sex. He would say a lot of dirty things with his deep voice.

He can growl when he is close to the climax.

He has totally a kink that is connected to him being a king.

And also daddy kink. I can totally imagine that he would have this.

His demonic side might appear during sex. He thinks that it's too scary, but if he sees that you like it, he will show it more.

For now it's all! Those are my headcanons, so I hope you had fun reading them!

See ya! ~ Silver

[fefairys]

"The way Vriska introduces herself to John says everything about her, and about their relationship, and really, her relationship with everyone. She forcefully interrupts a moment that is deeply important and emotional to him, thereby probably denying that opportunity from ever happening again, just so she can insert herself into his life and force him to pay attention to her. Now here she is again, being kind of rude (e.g. calling him stupid), but more than that, being vaguely obsequious overall, which is something about her I was harping on in the last book. Vriska cozies up to certain kinds of people, namely those she wants something from or feels will elevate her status by association. John's the perfect mark for the manipulative, ass-kissing games she plays. Since we're in the Vriska Zone now and forever, I'll just keep talking about her. It bears more examination of how her manipulation strategy seems to deftly blend ass-kissing and aggression. Successfully manipulative, sociopathically charismatic people tend to have this balance down to a science. The strategy seems to involve controlling the interplay between flattery, appealing to common interests, charming or flirtatious rhetoric, and little jabs, negs, or outright insults to keep the target off-balance. The target gets sort of hooked by the fascinating spectacle, intrigued, and strangely disarmed. Too much flattery results in suspicion, too much negativity is a turn-off (or taken to an extreme like Karkat, results in not being taken seriously at all). The barbs mixed in with the flattery are effective because they lead the target to think, "If this person really wants something from me, why would they insult me?" Of course, this is how pick-up artists operate, which isn't far off from Vriska's mindset when pursuing her goals—which, although more broad than romantic goals, are still mixed in with them, with the end result being part of the overall power play. Over the course of her tactics focused on John to make herself more relevant, when actual romantic designs start seeping into the fabric of her manipulation campaign, that's when it all starts to get...A Little Bit Weird.

We've already seen a lot of Vriska's tactics on display in Hivebent, with mixed results. By now she's had a lot of practice, and she's bringing all her skills to bear on the perfect rube for her schemes, this nerdy, gullible Egbert kid. The romantic angle that surfaces from this effort, as I just implied, is vaguely troubling. How else to describe it... ? Icky, maybe? Something is off about it, and we feel that more than John does, obviously because we know a lot more about her than he does. For Vriska, are the romantic desires real? Is she such a mess inside that she wouldn't be able to tell whether the feelings are genuine or not? It's more likely that it's all about the ego boost, the power trip involved with grooming this hapless fool into the thing she wants him to be, and hoodwinking him into feeling something for her. But for him, it's probably more sincere. His first awkward experience with romance, albeit one contrived by a manipulator. Too bad he has no idea that none of this even has anything to do with him. It's still just about Vriska's gamesmanship with Terezi, who is another person exhibiting many of the aforementioned qualities of a manipulator. Terezi just uses hers to target a different boy. Both are highly successful with their boywork, but they take very different approaches." -Andrew Hussie

[modelbus]

CC!Tommy x Reader

Reader has a bad day and he's trying to cheer them up?

Romantic preferred

Gender neutral pronouns *fae/faer preferred but they/them is also fine-

-🌙anon

Fluff <3 I used they/them because I’m more familiar with those, but the part where they're used is brief, sorry!

Pairing: CC!Tommyinnit x Gn!Reader (romantic)

Sad Saturday

You know it'll be a bad day from the moment you wake up. The normally peaceful rain had somehow turned overwhelming overnight, a loud battering that occupied too much of your mind. After rolling out of bed, all you could do was drift on autopilot.

There wasn’t any good reason for the daze other than you were simply having a bad day. Hell, you hadn’t even checked Twitter yet!

You were probably meant to do something today, but the effort it took to check your phone calendar seemed ridiculous. In the end you’re glad you did, because you and Tommy had planned a stream together. After sending a message to him that’s probably more mistakes that actual words, you decide to at least try and be a little productive.

The best part about being a streamer meant that just going on Tik Tok was being productive, so that’s exactly what you do. You bundle yourself up in some blankets and start scrolling through Tik Tok.

Everything seems tasteless though, boring and bland. When it’s not it just seems pointed at you. As if your phone was trying to call you out, guilt you for not doing stuff. It isn’t long before you darken your screen with a fresh wave of unhappiness.

Between the unease stirring in your stomach, the unending exhaustion, and the general down feelings, you knew it was a lost cause trying to do anything. Knowing that didn’t help though, because you should be doing your job. It was a dream come true type of job, but it just felt like far too much today.

“Hello?”

Not having heard the door open, you jolt. You knew your boyfriend’s voice well enough not to think it was a stranger at least, even if he was being uncharacteristically quiet. Actually, wait. What was he doing here? Where you lived?

“Tommy?” You ask, mildly confused.

“Hey! Your text was more mess than words so I thought you were fucking kidnapped or something. Snatched!” He walks into your living room, barely pausing when he spots you on the couch in a blanket burrito. If it was a normal day you’d joke back, bounce off his energy. But you just couldn’t find it in you.

Tommy grins, all but collapsing onto the couch next to you. “Gimmie blankets.”

With a heavily exaggerated sigh, you include him in the burrito. He’s all physical affection and doesn’t hesitate to pull you even closer to him, to the point where you drop your head on his shoulder.

“What are we watching? Up? Princess and the Popstar? A movie with a dog in it?” Tommy doesn’t even give you the chance to respond, grabbing the remote and finding Lego Batman.

"Aren't you still streaming today?" You ask.

"Why would I want to stream when I can watch Lego Batman with you?" He asks like it's the most obvious thing in the world, even shaking his head as the opening scene plays.

Although it's obviously meant to be played off as casual, the words mean a lot to you. Especially on a rough day when you know you aren't yourself and not nearly as fun.

Within mere seconds you find yourself dozing off, comfortable and safe with him.

When you wake up, it's to voices. Multiple, although one is Tommy and the other is a bit grainier around the edges. Like a phone call.

"-wanted to make sure everything was fine." Wilbur is saying.

"I'm at their house right now. You're interrupting our together time, Wilbur. That's actually not very cool of you." Tommy answers.

"I was worried about you two! Clearly you're okay though. Are they?"

"Bad day, innit? We all get 'em."

Wilbur sighs. "Yeah. I'll go then."

"Yeah, as you fucking should."

"Jesus, you don't have to be so-"

Tommy taps the phone loudly, laughing to himself.

"Why'd you hang up in the middle of him talking?" You ask, yawning.

After a second you realize he's not next to you anymore. Instead, he's across the room.

"Deserved it. He bet me that I couldn't do a cartwheel! How dare he doubt my abilities?!"

That definitely wasn't what they were talking about, and Tommy definitely can't do a cartwheel, but you're too lost in the abrupt topic change to put either of those thoughts into words.

"What?"

"Watch." He says proudly, backing up. Hands raised in the air, he leans over and flops onto his face. "...ow. That didn't happen."

Unable to help yourself, you laugh. The frown he was wearing immediately turns into a smile.

"I ordered your favorite food on UberEats but it won't be here for another ten minutes."

"You didn't have to." You say quietly.

"What if Twitter found out I was being a bad boyfriend? What then? My reputation, gone."

"So this is all for Twitter?"

"Exactly!"

Was Tommy being a little weirder than normal? It almost seemed like he was, but there wasn't any good reason to it. Unless he was just trying to make you smile, which he was succeeding at.

Oh.

He was making your bad day a little better in the Tommyinnit way: love hidden in humor. His tactic was working, too, which was the most surprising part of it all.

"We should play a game while we wait or some shit. Wait! Let's play Uno! I've been studying the art of the Uno, Charlie's been teaching me!" He suddenly blurts out.

"You've been studying Uno?"

"I'm bilingual in card games."

"That's not how it works."

"Of course it is. Charlie Slimecicle would never lie to me."

"I feel like he might."

"I win. We're playing Uno." Tommy declares.

You aren't even sure you own Uno, but he disappears for a second and when he comes back it's with the game held in his hand. It takes a full five minutes just to shuffle the deck because he tried to make it rain money using the cards, but you get there eventually.

By the time the UberEats guy arrives (a full minute late, which Tommy makes a jokingly big deal of), you've won twice. The simplicity of the game, the joking attacks, the comebacks, and the revenge all work together to ease the tension left in you until you realize that the day's took a turn for the better.

Tommy always had that power in him. That ability to turn your day around, make it so much better. Despite how you didn't tell him why you opted out of the stream, he still showed up and stuck around and made you laugh.

"Finally, some fucking food." He groans, collapsing on the ground where you've been playing Uno. There's a table right there, but the ground is just so much better.

"Only took eleven minutes." You joke, reaching over to steal some of his food.

Instead of complaining, he gives you a huge grin. His next words are just a beat too late, hindered by the proud grin he's wearing, but neither of you mention it. "Exactly! Where's some good service when you need it?"

And, in a matter of hours, you realize it's no longer a bad day. Not anymore, at least. And it's all because of him.

[audioroleplayconfessions]

https://www.tumblr.com/audioroleplayconfessions/733894052580327424/i-cant-get-into-other-audio-roleplays-because-the

Answering the questions!

Thank you Admin! ♪⁠ ⁠\⁠(⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠\⁠ ⁠)

I like a heathly combination of fluff and plot though I don't mind either on their own. I prefer cinematic stories with more parts!

Slow burn is definitely a favorite of mine! I like all genres but I do have a preference for fantasy storylines.

I absolutely avoid the fan made y/n-esque audio rp with already existing characters i.e Midoriya, Todoroki, Bakugou, no hate to the ones who like or make those, props to the voice impressions. I find it amazing they could imitate the voices but they just aren't for me though. Original characters are much more my thing.

Otherwise I'm fine with regards to everything else!

So far I only like GBA, Redacted and Sundew. I prefer soft, gentle mid-ranged to deeper voices. I like deep voices but I don't think I'd like a voice as deep as the mariana trench lol. Higher pitched voices also aren't my thing and if it's too whispery then it won't do it for me as well.

I'm pretty picky ain't I? Apologies if this is inconvenient, I have no one to ask for recommendations and I'm particularly new to the community (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

Warmest regards, much love, numerous thanks and salutations,

T.

Oh, I have some recommendations for you! My opinions are a bit biased here (I have a very strong preference for plot-heavy audios over fluff) but it looks like a lot of my favorites suit your tastes. I dislike fanfiction stuff too, especially MHA stuff and I also prefer gentle voice ranges that aren't too high or too low.

I'll give you a few recommendations.

#1: Escaped Audios! He's the very best VA at making you feel like you are living in a movie. All of his stories are heartfelt and exciting, most have slow-burn romances. Most of his characters have a gentle, mid-range voice that isn't too high or too deep (though he as a couple deeper voiced characters). I like his style of acting because he sounds very sincere and "real" when he talks. My two favorite playlists from him are Matador Gothic (his dramatic vampire slayer adventure) and The New Jersey Rats (a mafia-themed Romantic comedy).

I've followed him since Matador Gothic came out a little over a year ago but he's only recently started to gain hype after being super under-rated for a long time. If you like GBA's style of story telling you'll probably like him too. The only downside you might experience is that his stories usually don't leave a lot of room for fluff, so there are no cuddle audios or sleep aids etc on his channel. That said he's my current favorite, is incredibly creative and original, and he's amazing at supercharging my brain with serotonin.

#2: Obsidian Lantern. He has some of the most immersive sound production of any VA I've ever seen. Some of his earlier stuff is a little weird and clumsy but once he catches his footing he's great. His voice is very gentle and comforting to me, and he'll even speak a little Spanish sometimes.

His Gator Boys series is great and actually ties in with the lore of a few other VA's universes! I also really like his Merfolk series. He also plays around with common tropes while putting his own unique spin on them and I really like that too. He also makes all of his own art, and he not only draws thumbnails but actually makes illustrations of the scenes in his audios which is super cool. Overall really great, I think you'd like him.

#3. ZSaku VA. His playlists start out a little slow but over time his style evolved to be more cinematic. I really like his Vampire series (the Xanthus playlist) and his two interconnected crime series (The Elias and Issac playlists). They're good from the outset and just get better. Lately he's been making higher-stakes stories with more collabs and I love that. He's also collabed with a bunch of the other people I mentioned, which I love to see.

He has a nice balance between fluff and story-telling, and lots of his plots/characters connect to one another. If you like Redacted Audio you'll probably like ZSaku. The only downside is that he takes a long time in between episodes of each series, and works on multiple series at the same time, so if you really get into one playlist you might end up feeling a bit impatient.

#4: YuuriVoice. He's got a rotating cast of characters and he's one of my long-time comfort channels. He has ongoing plots throughout all of his series, but his stuff is mostly character-based. It's worth listening to everything and getting attached to his characters, as their development gets better and more complex over time.

He can do a pretty broad range of voices too, and they all feel unique and fresh. He has done some MHA/fanfic type audios before in the past but over time he transitioned to focusing on his own original characters and I love all of them.

#5: Shining Armor ASMR. I like him more as a comfort/fun/fluff channel. A great channel for listening to little bite sized audios with fun character concepts and lower stakes. I also like his voice and his accent, and it's fun seeing him do different voices within his accent. Definitely more on the fluff side but I think you'd appreciate him!

That's about it! There are more channels I like but based on your tastes I think you would like those channels. Also, honorable mention to Desmond ASMR. I love him but he's been on hiatus for like a year now!

Feel free to leave your own recommendations/cosigns/etc in the comments and reblogs.

Love, Ringmaster.

[noemitenshi]

I can’t really get my head around what Troy would be like in a relationship, the man loves to push boundaries yet seems to get obsessive about people and want to please them 🤔 what do you think?

Oh what a fun (but also difficult) question to answer haha. As I've written over 500k words of Troy in relationships I've put quite some thought into it and I'm not too sure I can distill all of that. Or, well, I'm sure I'll forget to mention things ^^0 But I'll give it my very best!

The most crucial part I think, about Troy's behavior in a relationship is that it is very much dependent on his partner(s). He will let himself be molded, even if the partner doesn't intend to, you know, do that. Like, if the partner likes to be pushed around (😉) he's gonna do that gleefully. If the partner likes to push him around (all in good fun though. I mean, I think he'd also let himself be pushed around NOT in good fun but let's not go there for our peace of mind), he's gonna fold and be into it. So in a sense he'll always follow his partner's lead (no matter if the partner is more dominant or submissive leaning (and those terms don't necessarily need to describe Dominants and Submissives…)).

Furthermore I do think, once he realizes (or is made to realize - mayhaps by a frantic kiss) he is in love, he'll be all in. I think I said this once before (and I'll probably say it again) but Troy seems like the type to move incredible fast to deepen a relationship. It probably stems from the emotional abuse and neglect he has suffered his whole life - so once someone gives him even a smidgen of that he's gonna be addicted to it. He's not gonna let go of that and do anything to get more of it, frankly. Maybe there's even a time, in the beginning of the romantic relationship, where he is kinda playing pretend. See, he could never be what his parents and his brother wanted him to be (mostly bc his parents were abusive drunks and because his brother doesn't understand him and the black sheep position the family put Troy in, instead reinforces it), so he always felt like he was coming up short, like he didn't have the ability to do things right. And probably doubly so the first time he finds himself in a romantic relationship. So he's gonna act in a way he thinks people act when in such a relationship. Probably ignoring his own boundaries in the process and I really do hope his partner knows him well enough to get that something is wrong and ask him about it otherwise that one could end badly (=turn easily into a toxic relationship).

Now I seem to have written quite a bit about the wants to please people part of your ask haha (you see, I agree, he does want to do that, badly. Needs to, I'd argue, even) but not so much about the pushing people (I have a whole seperate post about that btw, maybe give that a look to, HERE). So, the post in short. With all people he interacts he likes to push boundaries to a) get to know them better, get to know what sets them off (since he's always lived in a VERY unstable environment with both his parents being erratic and abusive due to drunkenness) additionally, this gives him a sense of control (b)) - he controls when they get angry. That's what his pushing is about. I assume that if someone enters a romantic relationship with Troy they already have found a way to handle that part of him. And honestly, I think the best way to handle this is to show him respect. Like, sure, call him out on that, don't let him bullshit you but not meanly (=not like Jake). And even beyond the whole pushing thing, I think if Troy is treated with respect, generally speaking, this antagonistic nature in him receeds. He doesn't feel like he needs to be on guard the whole time so there's no need to set people off haha. Or not as much. Mostly in a teasing way (I think he doesn't ever lose it completely, but it changes its meaning, the pushing boundaries. I think he'll learn AND respect which boundaries are, you know, actual boundaries he shouldnt touch and which ones he can poke a little uh fun at).

So, I think a romantic relationship has the potential to be VERY GOOD for Troy (the same btw is true for a HEALTHY platonic one - which we also didn't see him having thus far. He just needs for someone to take his pain and rage and himself serious and be kind and respectful to him. Don't think ANYONE has ever done that, sadly enough). It has potential to allow him to grow into himself and become more confident in the type of person he is. And it naturally would curb this need for erratic behavior. HOWEVER a romantic relationship could also lead to Troy kinda losing himself in it. He's very emotionally vulnerable as we see in his relationship with Madison in s3 (and also lack of meaningful and reciprocal(!) relationships with anyone else) so it would be relatively easy for him to end up in a toxic relationship.

No matter what, I think Troy is gonna be fiercly loyal, protective and affectionate in such a relationship. Needy, I like to call him too since he's been touch- and attention-starved all his life. So my advice to potential suitors would be HANDLE WITH CARE.

I hope I answered your question to your satisfaction. If there is something I missed or something you'd like me to expand on, just shoot me another ask :) Thanks for the ask and have a great day 🧡

[baileylockheart]

Stuck.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I feel like I'm in a weird spot. I wish that I wanted to fall in love, but I don’t truly want that. I mean, it's still the fastest way to verbalize it, but what I think I really want is just... Emotional closeness and physical but non-sexual touch. I don't want to be in a romantic relationship with someone. I want deep trust and communication and understanding without guilt or anxiety or fear of being abandoned, and I struggle to picture any of those things in a romantic way. But I've never really been close enough to my friends to see it platonically either, so I'm just stuck.

I feel the want to want someone, and I feel it strongly, but it's more like wanting a piece of a stranger’s soul and hoping they'll take mine, because I know full well I can't imagine anyone in my life that way, and I can't imagine myself being physically near anyone without feeling uncomfortable. It makes me sick to even try to picture myself in love, especially since I realized that I have never once loved a person (in that way). When I think about what I want, I can’t imagine any one person, so all I end up wanting is a stranger who, for all intents and purposes, doesn’t exist. I don’t want a perfect person by any means, that’s not what I mean when I say this. Rather, even if this person does exist, I don’t know them yet, but already knowing them is a vital part of how I picture them.

I call myself aego-demiromantic because it joins a truth and a hope. I mean, if I’m being honest, I’m probably just aego with a dash of cupio, but I'll deny it as long as I can. The truth, aego, is that I can't picture myself in anything romantic, and any attempts to make me uncomfortable, but looking at fiction and using OCs is easy. The hope, demi, is that the reason I don’t feel romantically pulled to anyone is because I haven’t met them yet, but I'll eventually meet someone and make friends with them. Actual, close friends, who are there for each other and aren’t afraid to talk to or even annoy each other. And after that, then maybe, just maybe, I might get a chance at really loving someone in the way that people mean when they say the word “love”. And maybe that's the point. I don't want to fall in love, but I want to love someone. I want someone to mean enough to me that I'm willing to actually let them see me. I want to be able to care about someone enough that I trust them to stay. I want to feel loved and fulfilled because they're in my life - not because they check boxes or because they carry out tasks, but because their presence in my life really means something.

The problem with that is, people who want to date? They want to date. From what I can see, especially in early stages, there is no hanging out at each other's houses and playing video games, there is no sitting in comfortable silence and knowing it's okay not to talk, there is no taking turns rambling about the things you’re passionate about, there is no getting to just exist together and feel good because you add to each other's lives intrinsically. People want outings, active social interaction, maybe something to brag about. And sure. Outings can be nice. But even then, from what I've observed, people aren't looking for a trip to an amusement park where you take turns picking out what to do and enjoy every minute, or going to Dave & Buster's and playing all the games as many times as you can manage, or hanging out at an empty playground while you blast music and pretend to know the names of the stars you're gazing at. No, people want an expensive dinner that you have to dress up for, maybe sex, and then a kiss goodnight as you walk away from each other because the interaction is now complete. A good morning text would be appreciated, but while no one wants to listen to long-winded rambles, everyone will be mad if you don’t text first.

I know that I’m oversimplifying this in a terrible sort of way - I’m framing romantic relationships extremely negatively, and even if I wasn’t, queerplatonic relationships exist. But the problem is that I don’t think that covers it for me. A non-romantic relationship that has a stronger bond than the best of friends? I would do anything for that, don’t get me wrong. I want that. But the non-romantic part doesn't always sit right with me. I think I want to love someone romantically - but I know that the obsessive nature of new romantic love, how quickly romantic relationships crumble, how deeply it seems to tie in with sex, the way people tie their entire identities to their romantic partner, and the way that it’s so easily exploited by everyone from said partner to their families to even the government, that I’d never be able to maintain it. I want to love someone romantically, but I can’t bear the thought of it because of all the strings that are attached to it.

Still, that seems simple enough, yes? “I want to love someone romantically, but I can’t bear the thought of it because of all the strings that are attached to it.” And yet, if you asked me five months ago, I would’ve gagged at the thought.

For as long as I can remember, I have had “crushes” from time to time, and by “crushes”, I mean hyperfixations on how people present themselves, but no deeper interest in any part of them that didn’t fit that image. Once I became aware of this, I realized that I’d never actually been romantically interested in a person before, I just didn’t know how else I could surround myself with my hyperfixation. The more I looked at love and relationships, the more I realized that I would absolutely hate being in one. The more love songs I listened to to try to counteract this, the more I felt like romantic love was damaging because clearly, if people feel this strongly, they must be so reliant on their partner that they can’t imagine existing as an individual. The general sentiment was, “why would I subject myself to this sort of mental anguish on purpose?” I couldn’t figure out why people would want to flood their brains with stress hormones and lose rational thought for someone who wouldn’t even treat them well. In my head, the relationships that worked out with all parties happy were a severe minority. Of course, if those involved were happy, I’d be ecstatic for them - it just wasn’t something I typically imagined happening. As much as I thought it was fun to pair up fictional characters, as much as I had reformed my ability to enjoy love songs, and as much I supported those around me who were happy in their relationships, I was genuinely disgusted by the idea of falling in love for myself.

That is, until about five months ago, when an argument with a parent led to the simple idea that I can’t express my thoughts on something that I haven’t experienced. That led to probably the most emotional week of my life, and the general consensus was that I’ll never be able to understand love or heartache unless I go through them firsthand. I hated that intensely. What do you mean? Are you trying to tell me I can’t empathize with my friend who’s trying to recover from a breakup? Are you saying I can’t get chills when I see someone tear up while singing about wanting to be in love again? How does that work?

Ever since then, I’ve been constantly in this loop of wanting to love someone more than anything but not wanting to touch romance in its current state with a ten foot pole. I wish it was as simple as “I want to love someone romantically, but I can’t bear the thought of it because of all the strings that are attached to it”, but the truth is that I can’t even tell if this yearning for the ability to yearn is really me, or just a fabrication borne out of spite. It hurts enough that I think it’s real, but I have no solid way to check. Do I want to want to fall in love, or am I pretending in an attempt to understand the world? I can’t tell, and that scares me.

If a stranger asked me if I want to fall in love someday and framed it as a yes or no question, I’d probably say yes. It’s the easy answer to cling to because it feels so much better and so right in comparison to just saying no, and it would also be far easier to deflect judgement that way. It seems like the default answer, right? And yet, I don’t think it’s true. I want to care about someone. I want to be close to someone. I want to love someone. Somehow, despite all of that, I feel like it would be disingenuous to claim that it’s because I want to fall in love, and even more so if I say it's because I have a lot of love to give. I have the capacity for it, I have to believe I do, but the amount of love sitting there and waiting for someone to find it is shallow at best because I don’t even know if it’s meant for a person or an idea that I made up to make myself feel better. Still, I think that how I phrased it in an old Threads comment actually explained it far more succinctly than this entire explanation of said comment ever could’ve.

“I wish I wanted to fall in love because as much as it would hurt, everything would make so much more sense that way”.

[yanderes-galore]

Fandom: Hiveswap/Homestuck +

Character: Lanque Bombyx

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic Pale relationship

Type of fic: Hc

Other Info: Mb a olive blood reader

Thank you in advance<3!!!

I can't tell for most of your requests what quadrant you mean as all quadrant relationships are romantic in troll culture, but I see Pale, so I'll give it a shot for you. I hope I'm getting this right?

So maybe Anon, if you still read these and you requested the rest of em, tell me this, are you trying to say all your requests are general for pairing or a specific Quadrant because I have them all set to Moirail/Pale currently.

Yandere! Moirail! Lanque Bombyx

(Darling is mentioned to be an Olive Blood at times)

Pairing: Moirail/Pale♦️

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Two-faced behavior, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Violence, Blood mention, Violence implied, Dubious relationship (Moirails).

Alright, this character can be difficult to write as his routes in Friendsim are both accurate and inaccurate.

There's times Lanque can be kind and patient, but there's times he can be the opposite and even flirtatious.

So my version would probably be a mix of his routes.

He'd probably lean into the more caring personality if we're talking Moirail! Lanque.

Lanque would be very biased towards his Moirail.

Your blood color doesn't entirely matter to him but you can be an Olive Blood if you want!

Although... I can see him being more manipulative towards you as an Olive Blood due to your lower blood color from him.

Y'know, due to all the issues caused by the blood caste situation.

With you he'd definitely have the personality of his first Friendsim route.

Poetic, kind, respects your boundaries, he's your perfect Moirail, isn't he?

There may be flirtatious undertones in his words at times but for the most part he seems very respectful.

Especially with your blood color as you both are in a similar group. (Olive, Jade, Teal, and Cerulean are technically middle caste iirc.)

However, I do HC Lanque as being two-faced.

Towards others he tends to be the more rude and sharp tongued personality.

He swaps personas when you aren't around, especially towards those he doesn't like.

This is a dangerous game to play for him if you're an Olive Blood.

Olive Bloods can hold grudges but are very helpful when it comes to helping others with relationships.

Which is probably why you two get along so well, he has so much relationship trouble.

Lanque is no doubt possessive of those he shares a quadrant with.

That includes you, his Moirail.

This is the reason he quickly becomes bitter towards those around you.

How dare you have other trolls in your Quadrants!?

Lanque would definitely antagonize your Matesprit if you had one.

Perhaps even your Kismesis.

As your Moirail, he feels he should know what's best for you.

Which leads to him threatening other trolls around you.

Lanque is probably still touchy with you but not in the Matesprit sense (in this concept, at least)

Due to his possessive behavior he may decorate you in Jade colors/his sign to show everyone you're his.

Despite him actually being foul to those around him, he still plays nice with you.

He's affectionate but manipulative.

He claims those around you are lying.

He would never go after them!

All he wants to do is share poetry with his beloved Moirail!

What's with all the Jade clothing with his sign?

Oh, he just doesn't want you getting hurt!

It's nothing to worry about, dear, just look at him!

I can see Lanque forcing those you have in other quadrants away from you.

Soon you end up breaking off your other relationships, but not Lanque.

No... your Moirail has been taking care of you all along!

What? Your Matesprit/Kismesis left you?

That's so sad... why not vent to him?

He'll hold you tight and shoosh pap you... it'll all be okay!

After all... Lanque would never leave you.

You're perfect for him... it's sad no one else can see that.

Lanque will act like he's innocent with you.

He'll hold you close and tell you you're okay.

All the while getting himself bloody by removing unwanted pests from around you.

You can cry on his shoulder and tell him how betrayed you feel.

Oh, poor grub... no need to fret!

Lanque would never betray you...

So just look at him... and only him.

[butchtwelfthdoctor]

i got peer reviewed on this post by @pikechris (sorry for the tag hope you dont mind) but still had way more thoughts hehe anyways i was gonna leave tags but it got pretty long sooo those tags and the rest of my Thoughts under the cut cos damn this did get really really long

i looked in the replies of that post & people you're not getting it he didnt kiss rory with romantic feeling behind rory was just there and eleven got excited about something else and rory visibly looks weirded out afterwards. it was practically eleven kissing as stimming. like when he kissed jenny. it wasnt out of romantic feelings at all he knows madame vastra would kill him & he isnt interested he was just happy to be able to move after the crimson horror thingy. kissing rory was also played as a joke it was a funny haha yknow. i also dont remember eleven kissing the james corden character but like whatever i cant imagine that being meaningful in any way either.

OH in the same way that nardole having a crush on twelve (canon btw nardole practically says as much is played as a joke. like with the post i mention above, like thats played as a joke because can you imagine the cool very beautiful twelfth doctor having romantic or sexual feelings towards nardole, who is literally, as missy puts it, comic relief? i dont think that its queer is a part of that but idk it might be.

but in any case. the doctor hasnt kissed or been kissed by a man with romantic intent onscreen since 2005. we COULD have had a thirteen and yaz kiss but we didnt which is i think why? people forget? about them? doctor was confimred queer she had lesbian attraction but nothing really. happened about it. so yeah. also apparently a lot of people didnt watch thirteen like cmonnnnnnnnnnn it really isnt as bad as people make it out to be.

twelve kissed missy who was probably the only person he would have kissed at that point. he's horrified when she kisses him before he knows who she is but then the very next episode he kisses her in a... if not exactly romantic a very emotionally charged way. and she knows that. we dont see them kiss again even as their relationship grows more and more romantically inclined (which i actually support any amount of canon thoschei conventional romance would probably be. bad and kill the appeal immediately) because like i said. she turns every dead body on earth into a cyberman then lies about where gallifrey is then fakes her own death then tries to get the doctor to kill clara then he leaves her on skaro iirc then he is supposed to kill her but doesnt and instead locks her in a vault for ~70 years but its okay cos they have takeaway food in there together sometimes. and then world enough and time / the doctor falls happens which i cant even start talking about or i'll never stop & thirteen was 1) aroace and 2) too emotionally repressed to even get close to kissing Anyone, let alone the master after all the timeless child stuff, even though she probably?? wanted to kiss yaz?? a bit??? at least?? yaz wanted to kiss her but there was too much emotional repression going on on both sides but mainly the doctor Which Brings Me To My Point.

Fifteen is the most, shall we say, flirty doctor we've had for a while, and Ncuti is also the first openly queer actor to play the doctor on tv, and while of course everyone on tumblr is Very familiar with all of the ways the doctor is queer (and neurodivergent) without any need for the show to specifically say so, it is really really great that a) the doctor is played by a gay actor b) there are more queer characters and c) we got an actual episode where The Doctor Is Gay With A Man. especially after the. somewhat odd. way yaz & thirteen's relationship was dealt with at the end of thirteen's run, which even though was a queer relationship was like....... not really. shown. they just talked about it. and had icecream. okayyy i guesssssssssss

BUt NOW fifteen gets an entire episode where his mutual attraction to another male character (assuming the doctor is actually a man, pretty sure i read somewhere Ncuti was he/they-ing the doctor but he might have meant the doctor in general, not just fifteen) is a Main Focus of the episode. its the main tension, the main drama, the main interest - you pretty much know from the 'okay we'll teleport the chuldur away' that thats whats going to happen, and i for one went 'oh my god rouge is going to get teleported' from the moment the doctor fixed it to carry six. the Main Focus is now their flirting, their dynamic, the way Those Two Interact, their almost kiss (which the doctor was so ready to duck out of as soon at the thing beeped, but you can tell by the look on rouge's face that he's for sure trying that again later). the doctor showing actual episode-arc spanning romantic interest in a character, let alone a specifically queer one... that doesnt happen a lot.

(the girl in the fireplace has a lot of superficial similarities, though you could also argue that madame de pompadour was far more romantically into ten than he was into her. thirteen's characteristically very awkward attempt at flirting towards yaz in the sea devils special didnt have nearly as much focus on it)

but really the point is the doctor was kissed! for the first time on tv in ten years!!!! and it was a queer kiss!! and that romance was The Major Part of the episode!! the doctor doctorwho was gay kissing a man on out television screens after a genuinely quite good build up!!!!!!!!!!! it would of of course be amazing if rouge makes another appearance (i think he will, most likely in a later season instead of the next 2 eps), and even better if we had a longer arc of that romance, but we got it!!! actual canonical queer romance for the doctor!! their first canon kiss in like at least a couple hundred years of their life, and while i am an aspec doctor who believer there are 100% time when he feels attraction and this was for sure one if them. and it was really beautiful & emotional & the flirting was fun & rouge was a good character & their dynamic was really good and yay!!!!

[mumms-the-word]

Could I see 2 and 3 of your wedding prompt? Of either or both of the general or specific moments.💕❤️🎉💐

I don't have the time to write out full scenes this week alas but I can give you some headcanons/glimpses!

2 & 3 from the details list:

Proposal

Gale proposed to Dani, obviously! I've dabbled with the idea that maybe they had a different proposal than the one shown in the game, but I find that it works really well for them. I like the idea of them waking up the next morning after saving the city, and he says those lines, "I understand your purpose lies here, but I fear if I return to Waterdeep alone, my heart would remain here with you. And so, if you're at all amenable to the idea, I thought I could, perhaps, stay. There might even be room for two Dekarioses in Baldur's Gate?"

I love that it's a little informal, that he doesn't have a ring to give her, that all he's asking is that maybe there could be the two of them, two Dekarioses, a new clan of Dekarioses there in Baldur's Gate. Dani doesn't need all the bells and whistles, she just wants family all around her. So a sweet, informal proposal in the middle of an Elfsong Tavern room, well, it suits her just fine.

Bachelor/Bachelorette parties?

Dani absolutely has a hen do/bachelorette because her foster sister, Liara, positively insists. But it's less of a hen do and more like a party for Dani, her mom, and her Merry Rovers to celebrate together before she officially gets married, so it's not girls-only or anything. Shadowheart, Lae'zel, Astarion, and even Jahiera join for parts of it, and Dani desperately wishes Karlach and Wyll could be there, but otherwise it's a fun night of drinking, games, stories, and music for Dani and her bard family.

Gale gets a somewhat less chaotic stag do, which he probably prefers. If Wyll were around, Gale would have had a much wilder time (you know Wyll would be dragging Gale out for a traditional pub crawl like any former bachelor's best friend would do), but since he's not he simply goes out for some drinks, planning on a relatively quiet night...until Shadowheart and Astarion find him and drag him over to join the Merry Rovers and Dani, officially turning their separate stag/hen dos into a mutual "celebrating our last days that we're not married" kind of event. Fun for all!

~*~*~*~*~*~

2 & 3 from the specific moments list:

Getting Ready

Gale gets ready with the help of Morena, Tara, and running commentary from Astarion (who does deign to fix an errant thread on his coat but is otherwise just there sit, chat, and judge). It's relatively uneventful, aside from some teary-eyed moments from Morena and some gentle nagging from Tara about how he should have shaved his beard for his special day. Dani sends over a white embroidered sash for him to wear around his waist, an important addition to his outfit that comes back into play later in the ceremony/reception.

Dani gets ready with her mother, her best friend/adopted sister Liara, and Shadowheart. She really wishes Karlach could have been there, but Karlach is in Avernus. Lae'zel is traveling in from somewhere on the Sword Coast, so she arrives later. There's a special moment as Dani is getting ready where Liara brings in the other Merry Rovers, who each give Dani a sash for her to wear with her dress (a bardic custom I came up with for them). Gale also sends over a little gift, one gold hoop earring for her to wear (he's wearing the other one, replacing the Mystra earring). The little box with the earring also contains a sweet poem and a little note saying he can't wait to see her.

The First Look

I really ought to write this scene because it's exactly the kind of romantic fluff that I'm a sucker for. Maybe I'll do it later!

But for now, Gale and Dani have their first look at each other before their ceremony. They get married in a park so it's a little hard to avoid each other entirely while going from some park-side building to the actual place where everything is set up. So Morena and Maeva (Dani's mother) arrange for them to see each other privately in a little corner of the gardens, just before everyone sets off to go start the ceremony.

Gale tears up immediately, of course, and Dani teases him about it, even though she's also getting a little emotional. She helps keep him smiling by talking about how hot he looks in his wedding outfit and how she can't wait until she gets to take all of it off tonight, you know, the usual flirting. And then after a second, after they're both dry-eyed and calm, she looks up at him and asks, "There's still time to change your mind, you know."

His response is a loving smile and a gentle touch on her cheek. "I'm not going to change my mind. Even if I could go back in time and make entirely new decisions, I'd do everything exactly the same so that I can be here, getting to marry you."

(He'd say it more elegantly than that but you get it)

And Dani would smile, at first touched and emotional by his words, and then her smile would turn teasing again. "Sure, but there's still time to cut our losses and elope, too. We could grab Withers and run."

He just laughs and says, "Not a chance. My mother would kill me."

[briar-ffxiv]

10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags

Basic rules: choose 10 fandoms that you are part of/support, and choose a favorite character from each of those. Then, tag ten folks!

Tagged by: @miqojak

This isn't in any particular order and I honestly had to think really hard of fandoms because I don't tend to be a 'loud' fan about the things. I just kind of enjoy taking in the movies/books/whatever and definitely have my favorites.

So long story short, I had to eyeball my Steam, think about my favorite games, and some of my favorite books that are actually fandoms and not stand-alone. Also, because I can't ever pick just one, I did include an honorable mention (or two) in each of the fandoms. And I will try not to gush too much about each character.

Tagging (so you don't have to scroll all the way down): @actualanxiousswampwitch @ainyan @calico-heart @seasaltandcopper @ythealleycat @airis-ray @valdiis @avashnea @starrysnowdrop @lost-harts @mimble-sparklepudding @pinxli

1. Haurchefant Greystone, Final Fantasy 14 - Probably no surprise to anyone who knows me, but I've always had a soft spot for Haurchefant. He was one of the first characters in the game who really felt like a friend to my character in a 'pure' sort of way and who never asked the Warrior to do anything he wouldn't do. He was brave, honest, loyal, and full of heart despite a very difficult childhood and upbringing. And he died protecting someone he cared about. Whether or not he's considered romantic about the person's particular Warrior, he was always their friend and someone who supported them when few would.

Honorable Mentions from FFXVI: Thancred Water, Emet-Selch, Tataru, Estinien, and probably a bunch of others. Lots of good characters!

2. Kaladin Stormblessed, Stormlight Archives - Love or hate Brandon Sanderson, it has to be admitted, that he puts out a lot of books that are interesting and full of diverse characters and worlds. One of my personal favorites is definitely Kaladin from the Stormlight Archives. Kaladin is someone who battles openly with depression and PTSD (like actually acknowledged and mentioned in the story) but is also kind, caring, determined, brave and does his best. He's flawed, moody, and damaged, but also battles to help both himself and others. He is one of the few people who is an advocate for veterans like him to get proper, kind care in the stories as well, which is a rarity in fantasy novels.

Honorable Mentions from the Stormlight Archives: Adolin, Dalanar,, Szeth, and Shallan.

3. Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings - I don't know how anyone can not at least like Samwise. Yes, he's not always the brightest but he's the bravest in my opinion. He's constantly afraid, yes, but he never lets it stop him from doing what he knows in his heart is right. He loves deeply and unconditionally and without him, they would never have succeeded. He takes the worst moment and finds some good, some reason to push past. He's, to me, the kind of person I hope I can be in life. Sam is just a really great character in the movies (the books are not quite the same, but he's still pretty dang good).

Honorable Mentions from Lord of the Rings: Legolas, Aragorn, Eowyn, and others.

4. Reth, Palia - Palia is a fairly new little "cozy" MMO and has its flaws, but the characters are pretty good! So since I've been playing, I'll mention some of my favorites. Reth is a chef who is kind of bad at cooking, but he's funny, sassy, flirty, and charming. He also hides a lot of issues due to the story (that I can't really spill without so many spoilers). The more you get to know him, the deeper he gets and he's actually a really sweet person who values you a lot the more you get to know him.

Honorable Mentions from Palia: Hassian, Jel, Eshe, Ashura, and Delaila and others!

5. Rolan, Baldur's Gate 3 - Look, I know he's barely more than a side character, but I really love Rolan. He's grumpy, he's brash, and he's an absolute jerk...but he deeply loves his siblings, he's very loyal, he's brave, and he has some deep self-worth issues. In short, he is a delight and I love him and I would throw a certain someone off a tower a hundred times for this tiefling.

Honorable Mention from Baldur's Gate 3: Halsin (no surprise), Astarion (look, he's damaged and I love him), Dammon, Karlach, Wyll, and...oh my goodness, so many others. I don't have one SUPER FAVORITE, but I wanted to pick a slightly unusual favorite for my list.

6. Shane, Stardew Valley - Again, no shocker that depressed chicken-man is my favorite. Granted, I think the mods that give him more help him so, so, so much to be a better character, but even at his 'vanilla' version, I find Shane a sympathetic character and one that touched my heart quite a bit. I very much can understand Shane's feelings toward his depression, his life, and how hard things can be. And mods certainly help your story with him to help him become a somewhat healthier person. And I really like that.

Honorable Mention from Stardew Valley: Abigail, Elliot, Marlon, and a bunch of others!

7. Arcade Gannon, Fallout: New Vegas - He's a sassy gay nerd that I'm totally into. He's brilliant, he's witty, he's charming, he's a bit of an ass, but he's also vulnerable, surprisingly deep, and very kind when he can be. So he's definitely one of my favorite New Vegas characters.

Honorable Mentions in Fallout: New Vegas: ED-E, Boone, and Rex!

8. Arthur Morgan, Red Dead Redemption 2 - I understand that the player's choices have a big effect on what kind of character Arthur Morgan is, of course. That said, I found him really well-written, full of depth, and the story overall very moving, especially if you go for high honor.

Honorable Mentions from Red Dead Redemption 2: Dutch, Abigail, John Marston, and others.

9. Zenith, Star Wars: The Old Republic - People think I'm nuts, but I actually love the Jedi Consular storyline. And my favorite companion is Zenith. He's an interesting balance to the Jedi Consular (at least if you play the Light side), and I always enjoyed that he had a strong personality and wasn't easy to budge. He wasn't completely unreasonable in most cases, but I liked that he didn't always let himself be swayed by the player character. He was a deeply damaged, but incredibly loyal and strong-willed person. Also, Troy Baker does amazing voices.

Honorable Mentions from Star Wars: The Old Republic: Theron Shan, Koth Vortena, Lana Beniko, Corso Riggs, and a lot more!

10. Dogmeat, Fallout 4 - So I did two Fallouts. Because I love Dogmeat that much. Dogmeat is the goodest boy and my best friend in the game. Yes, occasionally, Dogmeat blows me up...or ruins something entirely. But he is adorable and precious and my good friend. He makes the wastelands bearable.

Honorable Mentions from Fallout 4: Nick Valentine, Preston Garvery, Piper Write, John Hannock, and more!

If you read all this, thank you for doing so. I tried not to make it too long or include a bunch of spoilers.

[torchickentacos]

3, 6, & 21 for Drew, our beloved

THANK YOU ANON! Love the usage of 'our' here. We all have joint custody of this weirdo.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

OOOOOOH. Okay. This is going to sound like an early April Fool's joke coming from me specifically, but STAY WITH ME. My least favorite thing is that he literally only ever talks to May. Which, okay, kind of my favorite thing too, but he just has such INTERESTING interactions with others when pokeani lets him, but they just never really do. On one hand, I seriously love the tunnel-vision. He literally will ignore a room full of people if she's in it. Like. Canonically. It's all he ever does. But when he DOES interact with others, it's FUN! We get so much about him from those interactions but they just happen so rarely.

Anyways, incomplete list of characters that Drew should TOTALLY have gotten to interact with: Gary. Tracey. Misty. Brock (Brock has HILARIOUS one-sided beef with Drew by the way lmao, calls him nails on a chalkboard). Paul. I know Paul came after Drew but IMAGINE. What would that even look like?????

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Honestly, not much. At all. I'm extroverted, heart-on-my-sleeve, nonconfrontational, spontaneous, unorganized, forgetful- things he is absolutely not. But I am a hopeless romantic who will get stuck pining for years on end, so that's something lol??? But honestly, veeeery little lol.

Rest under cut bc this is getting long.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

this is also under cut because I'm incredibly touchy/quiet about my fic stuff here, but anyone who actually wants to read this and clicks the read more is someone who I'm fine with reading this answer lol. Mostly just don't want non-mutuals skimming my fic thoughts. I wish there were tumblr circles like twitter had- it would stir some bullshit, yeah, but there's... kind of a lot of you guys here and only a select few are pokeani, lol, and it's intimidating. I wish I could post for a smaller audience but alas. If you're bothering to read this then you're probably fine. I've had bad experiences with judgmental people, so fic stuff is something I only talk about to a really tiny group, but I think I can answer this. Feeling brave.

Okay. Something I like to do is lean into his overthinking. So, technically we have no idea if he overthinks or not in canon, but it seems to be a pretty unanimous fandom decision that he's someone who gets stuck in his own head a bit. He thinks too much for his own good, and I try to play into that. Not that most of it ever leaves google docs, but lol. So it goes. I think, in stark contrast to specific other characters lol, he's someone who has the next ten steps planned if he can help it, and that's fun to mess with.

Something I dislike doing... hmm. I usually leave his backstory pretty up to interpretation. I'll add details where I see fit, but overall I just leave it blank. It's not that I don't have headcanons! But I really can't settle on just one, so I never write much of any at all. I love reading other people's ideas so much! I just can't commit to my own and I leave it as-is, pretty barebones. I also don't really lean into his arrogance as hard as other writers. Not that I dislike it! I just think, for me, I tend to enjoy writing other aspects of his personality more. Him being kind of a jackass is an undeniable part of him kjdfhskdjfhbdkj but there's different ways to go about it and I leave the brunt of it to people who can write it better than I can.

[chemical-abscess]

I found you bc of MDZS a while ago and stayed bc of your beautiful artstyle. I had no idea TYK existed but your fanart does make me curious, mind if I ask why do you like it?

Thank you for your question! You asked about Tyk, but I'll also be talking about Qi Ye since Tyk is it's sequel.

To simplify, I tend to divide media I like in two categories: it's message driven story or character driven story.

The first one is like a book or movie that influenced you greatly but you never felt like illustrating it or searching for any additional fan content. The message is more important than characters translating it.

(For example, I really love "Perfect Blue" by Satoshi Kon, but for me it's not just Mima's story, but a process of a young woman figuring out her struggles and fears in general, everyone can be on Mima's place).

The second category, it's all about characters. They are the main attention and main driver of the story. I wouldn't really be interested in a story if it wasn't about That certain character I'm emotionally attached to.

Af for Qi Ye and Tian Ya Ke... It's a bit of both?

In these dilogy main characters are secondary characters of their own stories, which should've made them closer to being concepts carrying a certain message rather than being individuals. But that's not the case! They do have personalities! And I'm more than interested in them!

And the way characters themselves see more in each other is so poetic and romantic...

In tyk (and qi ye), if main characters didn't meet, they still would've been a part of bigger story, playing their roles and translating author's message. But they happened to meet by chance and become individuals to each other

Another catching thing about these novels is that a lot of moments are left unspoken. I probably would've liked to see them (the novels themselves are short), but imagining it myself is challenging in a good way.

The same actually goes for mdzs XD, my fav mdzs works are those that plays around evens that weren't shown in the novel.

Btw. the absence of certain scenes might even be for the better because it has a potential to make us closer to those characters who also haven't witnessed them

That's it ^⁠_⁠^

[bettsfic]

I think the world is in desperate need of your analysis on ZoLu (and perhaps write a lil fantastic fic while you're at it teehee)

FIRST of all, having seen nearly mackenyu's entire filmography (he doesn't have a ton of stuff and some of it is unwatchable but god i tried), i can confirm that he's always typecast as some kind of angry/sardonic brother figure. that's the key: he is always a brother whose conflict has to do with brotherhood. in one of the very few things where he plays a romantic part, it is with that character's sister figure (but who is actually a cousin).

so here i was, innocently expecting more of the same. but instead i get

i have no frame of reference for the canon material, but i do have a frame of reference for mackenyu's Range, and i can assure you this expression hasn't shown up anywhere.

their dynamic is my kryptonite. goofy boyishness meets unwavering loyalty and reverence. i'm doomed.

unfortunately, i ship them in a very fucked up way no one will enjoy, and i'll probably end up walking into some kind of decades-long fandom discourse i wasn't aware existed.

i started writing a modern AU where baratie is a pseudo-fancy franchise steakhouse. the first part is sanji/nami. the second part is zoro/luffy (zoro is a bartender, luffy is a dishwasher; they're also roommates). i don't know if i'll finish or post it but here are some highlights from the zolu fic, which branches off at the halfway point of the sanji/nami fic. so we see this same scene from sanji's pov earlier.

note this is a very early draft, and it's only in reference to the live action. tw for alcoholism.

It’s Employee Appreciation Day at Baratie. Having been offered an open bar which he does not have to tend, Zoro feels amply appreciated. Luffy is on one side of him, crawling over him to talk to Usopp. Across the table, Sanji has just joined them. Nami, shit-faced, leans against him, and if Sanji doesn’t do something about this tension soon, Zoro is going to kick his ass. Fucking coward, he thinks, but the thought is cut short by Luffy crawling back to his seat, pointy knees and elbows digging into Zoro in the process, like a giant puppy that has no idea how heavy it’s gotten. Luffy’s leg remains crossed over Zoro’s thigh. They’ve been living together so long that Luffy no longer smells like anything. They share the same detergent, soap, shampoo. Zoro’s pretty sure Luffy even uses his deodorant. They have separate toothbrushes though. At least there’s that.

Zoro is less a roommate and more just a piece of playground equipment for Luffy to climb on. At some point these past three years, Luffy’s perspective of where his body ends and Zoro’s begins became skewed. What’s frightening is that Zoro doesn’t care. In fact he enjoys being Luffy’s plaything. He doesn’t have to bear the brunt of existence when Luffy is carelessly snuggling him like a beloved stuffed toy. 

[took a few paragraphs out]

The truth is that he can’t be alone. Doesn’t want to be alone. Those years of his life after Kuina died, wandering through life just trying to make enough money to get blitzed every night, he’d managed to convince himself he was a loner. He doesn’t remember much about that time. It might’ve been the next day or the next year that he downloaded a hookup app. He’d never liked sex—men, women, didn’t matter—but if he could find some sweet shy girl to fuck or a pretty twink, he’d do his duty and then he’d earn his place beside them in bed, hold them, fall asleep with them, maybe even wake up with them. Some of them liked him, wanted to see him again, but he never fucked the same person twice. He needed to be surrounded by people but he couldn’t be close to them. 

Luffy was kind of perfect in that regard. He was physically affectionate to the point of being literally clingy, but emotionally he stayed lightyears away. He was capable of meaningful conversations but he never made himself vulnerable. It was an admirable act. He could look you in the eye and convince you to follow your wildest dreams, could listen thoughtfully as you gutted yourself open in front of him, spilled your darkest secrets and greatest fears. But he’d never reciprocate. In fact, you'd think he didn’t have any at all. That he was living one step to the left of reality, and you could be there too, fearless, if only you followed him.

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/Eric Cartman (SP fic) one-shot

/Mad jealousy/

Times Kyle has been pissy jell.

~~~~~

(Kyle's pov)

It's been over two weeks since Cartman had announced being in a 'relationship' with Gordon Stolkie 'Jody' as Cartman's calls him 'lovingly' (who we all thought he was dead, but turns out that his remains were sent out to some lab that specializes in cloning and regeneration type of thing) I personally find it weird but Stan has told me to not think of it too much.

And as bizarre as South Park could be, it's hard to just believe that crap. I mean, it's hard cause there was even a point that ads lived among us, fuck, they're still probably we're.

And the fact that someone like Gordon could immediately want to spend time with Cartman, nonetheless be his boyfriend, is surreal and questionable.

It's not being crazy, it's being logical. That boy seem to be too good to be true. After the incident that lead to his death that boy wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. It's not like I knew him personally but he didn't seem like the type Cartman would be interested in THAT sorta way, Gordon was a 'follower' not an equal.

I can already feel this leading to a Heidi catastrophe all over again.

Not only that, but Cartman isn't dating material either, neither do I believe that crap of finally being able to be 'free' about himself and shit like that, this whole relationship is a facade and I'll make sure to expose it to everyone that I was right and not being some overdramatic 'queermo' as some of his so called friends call me.

Everyone should know better that this is CARTMAN were talking about, ofcourse theres gonna be some scheme behind it.

This past week I've been following Cartman everywhere, everyday, carefully listening to his words, outside conversations or calls. I'm not being a stalker, I'm gathering information, I don't want to slip and mess it up. I'm desperate to find clues of this ploy.

But I figured Cartman would easily catch on as he was really good on acting it all out, he played such a 'good' boyfriend act like if no one in the damn school witnessed his previous relationship with Heidi. Outside peers could see those two and actually fall into the idea of them being in love, two high chool sweetheart in the 'honeymoon phase', Cartman seemingly 'madly in love', as if he even had a heart.

At that moment I found myself cautiously watching both eat their lunch in a whole other table, ever since Cartman announced those two being together he had separated entirely from the group as if being in a relationship didn't give them a right for independence or personal space. Cartman was clinging to him like some unwanted pimple going on googly eyes and lovey-dovey stares, it's sickening.

His codependency on Gordon was sickening.

But the things I had to indulge for and get closer hints on finding some initials of some plot.

I stared intensely hoping Cartman will feel my glare from behind him and actually breakdown all the attempts of ignoring me once in for all, it'll be easier to keep an eye on him if he actually talked to them and hang out.

But he didn't even spare him a single glance, who does this fatass think he is? Acting like he's hot shit, too good to be seen hanging out with the three like if no one knew he'd sing and dance with a Justin Timberlake cutout when he was eight.

Cartman's acting like what he swore never being a 'hopeless romantic Stan' manner, it's ridiculous.

After lunch break I witnessed Cartman kissing Gordon on the cheek while waving off parting ways, I rolled my eyes by their cheesy goodbyes as if they weren't planning on walking back home together after school.

I approached Cartman from behind finally wanting to get over this stupid avoidance.

"Hey, shorty," I peeked behind as he grunted in response by the nickname.

A new nickname I found wa—y more effective in pissing Cartman off than just 'fatass' in middle school. After being the obvious shortest of the group it was easily pointed out from all of them to mock Cartman in some way. Kenny will teasingly use him as a elbow rester, Stan would ask him if he could grab him stuff that had fell to the ground as it'd be easier for him to do it and ofcourse me, I'd call him shorty.

I love how bad it gets him, he gets so easily driven its hilarious. It was inevitable for it to become my most use and favorite nickname.

Red cheeks puffed out and a glaring stare, like a angry squirrel, some cat or a koala. Those are a few animals I could think of, that resemble Cartman.

"Kahal," he answered with skeptical look by my closeness, I moved away and walked beside him in a more suitable distance.

Not that it ever been a problem between the two of them before.

"Finally letting your boy- friend get a break huh?," I asked, still being evasive with the word 'boyfriend' it just felt wrong coming out from my mouth.

"I actually have plans with him after school today," he beamed giggly, walking inside our classroom but I prevented him to do so.

"So now you're just gonna forget you even have friends for some dick? What are you dick-whipped?," I retorted back with a small bit of bitterness.

"Since when does that ever matter to you?," he pointed out, now eying me up and down.

"I don't know? Maybe if you start acting like yourself everyone wouldn't think this is some dumb scheme of yours!"

"No one thinks my relationship is fake, Kyel. You do!," He accused pointedly, "you're not the whole school you dumb ginger!"

"Well jokes on you fatass, your boy- friend IS also ginger. SO what a hypocritical thing to say."

Cartman rolled his eyes unwillingly to find a better comeback.

"Why is it hard for you to actually grasp in the concept of me being gay?," he asked, crossing his arms expectantly.

"Because you can't be gay, shorty," I exclaimed incredulous, "you never been interested in boys before and even if you ' we're ' you being in to Gordon makes zero sense? He's not the type of guy I see you being interested in!"

"And what's the type of guy I'd be interested, kahal? I'm genuinely curious to know what the ginger THINKS I'd like," He asked sarcastic.

I looked away, contemplating a answer for that as I felt Cartman gaze dig through my skin.

"Smart-" I began, now staring at the ceiling before trailing my stare to the floor, "funny?"

Cartman began checking out a imaginary list, "Gordon is both smart and funny, go on Kahal."

I frowned, continuously pointing things out purposely finding other qualities that I believe Gordon doesn't have, "fierce, competitive, someone who'll challenge you, someone who wouldn't get you bored in a month. Someone you could trust and can put you in your place when your shit just goes too far-" without realizing I've began listing things I thought Cartman should have in a partner instead of what he wanted, "caring, comprehensive, not a pushover, someone who knows you in an out, someone that can tell your bullshit miles away, someone you could rely on and have warm heart to heart moments.." I kept trailing off thinking of someone who'd fit perfectly for that place.

"Like you?," he added, tilting his head slightly.

My eyes widen in shock, hearing Cartman say that out loud really made me realize how stupidly I described myself as Cartman's possible 'ideal' partner.

I cursed myself internally.

"T-that's not- don't put words in my mouth, fatass!," I stuttered, finding it difficult to hide my red cheeks and nervous sweat.

"Jealous red bean.." Cartman said in 'awe' making me blush embarrassed, "you're jealous!," he exclaimed louder, bewildered as he pointed at me.

I flinched by the sudden gesture, defensively.

"Fuck you! you're taking things out of context fatass!," I cursed out, swallowing some saliva as a began feeling my throat dry, "why the fuck would I be jealous? And what'd you mean a 'red bean'!?"

"I don't know?-" he shrugged, watching the now empty hallway, "they remind me of your hair," he explained unfazed.

I looked at him confused, red beans do NOT resemble his hair! Do they..? Ofcourse not! That's stupid.

"And well.. don't think I haven't noticed you stalking me like a sneaky creepy jew, kahal," he tentatively said with his arms cross behind him reluctantly placing his index finger on to my chest.

I felt myself boiled, clenching my hands nervously. This motherfucker.

"And so what if I am?," I snapped back, not letting Cartman get the better end.

He looked at me with a small frown and his mouth agape, as he was in shock.

"I- uh.." he began, darting his eyes elsewhere, "wow, Kahal.. haha..," he chuckled nervously looking frantically at the classroom door that had already been shut closed.

We were forced after, to go inside the classroom by the hall monitor. The day proceeded normally and not long after (two days to be in fact) Cartman broke up with Gordon.

~~~~~~~~~

I've been dating this cheerleader girl for almost a month, her name is Bethany Steven's. She often has a thing going on with Bebe as they both argued over their last name being the same, pretty much 'rivals' at that point. I honestly don't mind as long as she leaves me out of it.

She's a cute brunette, ironically has the same eye condition as Cartman's (heterochromia) though her eyes have green and brown instead of Cartman's blue and brown eyes.

Theres just something oddly memorizing to see two different color iris in just one individual, just looking so intensely gorgeous. Captivating...

She's quite thin and has really pale skin, a button nose and naturally red cheeks.

She's an average grade student, she doesn't like sports but she likes gossip and I've noticed she's quite a bully to some girls. Though I'll let all that slide to keep my perfect girlfriend by my side, it's not like any us haven't bully a couple of kids ourselves before.

She's definitely a dream girl for any, if she wasn't a pain in the ass sometimes she'd probably be ideal in my eyes atleast.

She's too clingy, emotional and talks all the damn time. Now I understand Stan's pain when he'd be force to hear out Wendy's troubles. It's ironic how he finds himself in his place; sitting in the roundabout while she ranted about stupid girl nonsense.

Worse of it all, I haven't t been able to see what Cartman's been up to. I've been so up with my girlfriend, last week I even figured out too late that Cartman had said some racist shit on TV and I couldn't but in to shut him up. Everytime I try doing something I end up appearing too late, even Cartman has started to shift further apart from me, seemingly bored. Cartman! Bored of me!? I'm literally his archrival! He's supposed to be obsessed with me. Now he wants nothing to do with me.

"Okay, babe," I tried butting out, "I- kinda forgot I have something to do this evening," I excuse while standing up.

"What? Is it Cartman again? It's always 'cartman this' 'cartman that' what about ME? You never seem to worry about how I feel!," she complained, placing her hands in her hips.

"Dude! I literally just sat here listening you rant for over an hour!," I exclaimed incredulous, baffled by her audacity.

An hour listening to her bitchin' for what? For she to accuse him for 'not' listening, the fuck is her problem!?

"Oh? So is that some punishment now, Kyle!? I'm your girlfriend! Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship," she kept on yapping.

"I agree on that, Beth. But I want some space."

"Oh? So NOW you want some space!?"

"Oh god!," I groaned annoyed, rolling my eyes as far back as I could.

She just couldn't lay it off.

We continue arguing until we split away heading back home. Finally, I went to Cartman's to see what he was scheming already, I knocked at the door and was greeted by his mom.

"Oh hi, Kyle. What a pleasure to see you today," she greeted warmly.

"Is Cartman home?," I asked, looking behind her if I could see him anywhere near the stairs.

"Oh, well I'm afraid my poopsikins isn't home right now." she responded a little apologetic.

"Do you perhaps know where he is?"

"Yes, like I told the other boy who also came looking for Eric, he went to the karaoke competition downtown at CityWonk."

"Other boy?," I blurted out confused.

"Well, that blonde kid with the grey hat, ah.. I don't remember how Eric said his name was, I'm sorry..," She beamed before closing the door.

I dashed off, now intrigued to see what the fatass was up to.

Once arriving, I spotted Cartman and Butters snickering behind stage.

Now the chance, I smiled weirdly excited, "What're you planning on doing, fatass," I remarked bitter.

Cartman flinched surprised, "Kahal..?" he said in disbelief, slightly squinting his eyes as he looked at Butters who in returned just looked awkward.

"What?," I asked.

"Hey, fatboy! You think you can get away from me?," another voice spoke from behind making me turn his way.

It was Douglas (I don't know exactly what his last name was, I just knew he was from our school), he seemed to have loose ropes tied up around his right arm, some dirt on his left cheek and messy up hair, he also panted heavily and his eyes just screamed 'exhausted'.

As if he was struggling to get here.

"The fuck is that?," he gestured me heavily, "other minion of yours?," He asked glaringly, which made me feel offended by the suggestion.

"Fuck off, I'm here to stop Cartman's shit," I snapped back, defensive.

"NO. I'm here to stop Cartman," Douglas repeated, pointing at himself.

I turned to look at Cartman expecting for an explanation, confused by the whole ordeal completely forgotten what I was there for to begin with.

Cartman awkwardly stood there before clearing his throat and pulling slightly his shirt collar.

"Kahal.. this is my new arch nemesis," He reluctantly said, almost murmuring the last part before glancing at Butters.

"You're replacing me?," I asked baffled, glancing at both boys.

"Have," He corrected shamelessly.

Butters cleared his throat before chiming in, "Kyle, Eric needed someone who'd y'know.. have time to actually sabotage his shit, because it's just no fun if there's no one against him and well.. ever since you got your girlfriend you've been lacking just THAT and being a no good pussy stuck up tampon," he said nonchalant, as he looked at Cartman who nodded in agreement with everything the blonde said.

Cartman got bored of me.. Cartman!? Of all people.. how bad has this relationship sucking him up, maybe.. fuck, I've became Stan.

I frowned, "NO ONE-" I pointed accusatory at Cartman's chest making him flinched by the harshness, "can take my place, FATASS," I warned, shoving him aside flipping some random ass switch in the wall for who knows what it's for.

Making all the lights blast out by the power intensity.

Whoops.

~~~~~~~~~

After weeks of sabotaging and planning, finally getting rid of Douglas and getting my place back as Cartman's 'archrival', guess who decided to get back in a relationship with Gordon ball licker Stolkie none other than Eric Cartman, cause that fat fuck was a needing good for nothing whore.

I saw those two eating each other out in the hallway, wanting so badly for the bell to ring and immediately report them to the hall monitor and get them in trouble for their public display.

I hate it so damn fucking much, I don't understand why it didn't bother the others.

I walked passed them glaring at the pale long fingered hands groping on to Cartman's wide hips.

I hissed disgusted, as I enter my classroom and saw Bethany chatting with some of her friends.

I passed by her and kiss her a 'hello' on the cheek before seating down in my seat. Grumbling while I rested my chin in my hand.

The class was unbearably boring as I snapped a couple of pencils in half as the images of Cartman making out with Gordon flood my mind.

In was becoming annoyingly frustrating to see those two together, not after thinking it was gonna be over after their first breakup. But clearly something 'good' must've have kept Cartman on pursuing Gordon again, like some untamed dog, more like a heated one.

Guess he must've learned a lot from his mother, like mother like son huh?

Cartman was all over Gordon the entire week hopefully pleading to get back together, embarrassingly attempting to win his heart again and to be expected, Gordon fell in to his ropes weakly unable to handle Cartman's succubus spell.

Might aswell buy a leash, that asshole was whipped and Cartman was like some goddess to him, a goddess that'll just bat his lashes innocently and could get literally anything from him. Gordon has no clue of Cartman's wicked manipulative powers.

Now using lust and hormones to his advantage, using his body as an anchor to keep him hooked, his mouth as a sealed to keep him shut and his ass a cage to keep him put.

Atleast that's what I managed to conclude.

It was lunch break, and I went to go buy some chips in the vending machine, looking thoroughly my options I was greeted by an annoying fat bitch of mosquito.

"Hey, red bean~" I heard from behind a very, very familiar voice.

"What did you just call me?" I snapped back annoyed, glaringly judging his dumb little necklace that had a 'G' an initial, clearly.

He smirked, "well, it's only fair for me to call you something else, as I'm rarely 'fatass' to you anymore," he smugly answered as he tilted his head to the vending machine.

"That's gay as fuck you know that right?" I said bitterly as I dialed the digits of my selected choice of snack.

"Well— good thing I AM gay as fuck," he shamelessly admitted, now moving forward standing next to him, "unless you want me calling you poodle?" He chuckled mischievously looking at me with the most softest gaze.

I frowned, "fuck off, fatass."

"So— you see the thing is," he looked to his side as he leaned his elbow in the vending machine, preventing me to get my flaming cheetos, "I may have forgotten my money at home and I'm really dying for a drink," he admitted his true intentions of approaching me in a 'innocent' tone.

I scoffed incredulous, "and what? You expect ME to buy you one? Up your ass, asshole," I rolled my eyes, shoving him away as I grabbed my cheetos.

"But KAHAAAL—!" He whined as some spoiled bratty child would do in protest.

"Don't you have a boy- friend you can manipulate on buying you one?" I retorted sterling, defensively protecting my cheetos from some chubby grabbing hands.

Cartman gasped in a fake shock, "MY, Kahal, who knew you'd had it in you?" He chuckled unfazed, looking to the beverages vending machine next to them. Trailing his finger tip through the many options contemplating which he'd want.

He double tapped the glass, now staring at him with a beam.

"I want the cherry dr pepper," he said casually, seemingly not caring that I had clearly stated that I was NOT buying him any soda.

"I'm not buying you shit, fatass," I sneered, gripping on to my cheetos, hearing some small crunches as I do so.

Still not making an effort to just leave. Why can't I leave?

Why is there a invisible force that prevents me from leaving, wanting so badly to be sucked in this small bubble in which if was only he and Cartman.

He batted his eyes in attempt to lure me in into buying his coke, as IF that were to work on me.

Beaming as he were innocent with a mischievous glint in his eyes, swaying from side to side in await for me to actually do it.

I huffed taking out some spare change and putting it inside the coin slot. Just to keep Cartman's annoying mouth shut I dialed the dr pepper cherry soda pin.

Not because I fell for his dumb tactics.

It wasn't my fault Cartman's stupid boy- friend couldn't afford having to pay for his obnoxious racist bigoted boy- friend wants which lead Cartman MY way, to beg me to buy his shit instead.

It's Gordon's fault for getting into a fat selfish greedy piece of shit, and Cartman's for being a complete moron and leaving his money at home. If he even did leave it to begin with, for all I know, he could've be lying just for a free soda.

I sighed annoyed as I watched Cartman walk off and aimed for a hug to Gordon in a 'surprise' manner when he was just getting out of class.

I huffed, Gordon barely seemed to reciprocate the feeling. I attentively notice how a friend of his nudged him from the back as Cartman looked my way. Oblivious mocking me with his victorious free soda in hand, I rolled my eyes but my focus kept on the other two boys.

Huh, I wonder why Gordon would look awkwardly at that so called friend who nudged him and suspiciously gesture him the other path of the hallway.

If there's something I'm good at, it's investigating and getting answers.

I walked the other way, knowing my way on school grounds, cautiously heading the same direction as I assume Gordon went, finally spotting him as he was dragged by his hand to the second floor.

Uh lala~ how suspiciously convenient that Cartman wasn't with him, and possibly was stalled with a white little lie to run off with some dude in a completely different area far away from Cartman or possible classmates. Wouldn't even be surprised if they decide to enter a isolated empty classroom.

And for my misfortune, more like Cartman's, they did in fact enter a room, not just a room but the janitors closet.

My my! What a shocker, I wouldn't have expected that!

Who could've assumed two friends would randomly ran off and hide themselves in a empty room to do absolutely nothing to be worried of and get any negative consequences.

I leaned my ear on the door, and hearry hearry for my 'surprise' I heard smooching nosing and hard ruffling.

I took out my phone and pressed record, might aswell have proof to expose a cheater and shove it into Cartman's dumb grinning face. Stumbling down his high in a pedestal 'magnificent' boy- friend to the ground.

I recorded a bit of the suggestive noises from the outside before kicking the door open revealing two distress boys being caught in the act.

Gordon shrieked as he tried buckling his pants and the other buttoned frantically his shirt.

I smirked smugly, before turning off my camera and heading out without saying a thing.

"Wait!" I heard Gordon shout from behind me, I ignored him, uninterested in his pathetic excuses.

"Look—! Uh.. Kyle right?" He continuously followed me, nervously saying shit out, "what you saw.. it was like totally nothing and-"

I rolled my eyes by the stupidity of his words, walking down stairs to the first floor, heading straight to the cafeteria with a nonchalant expression. And the purpose to show Cartman the class of boy- friend he actually had.

"Please, Kyle! I love Eric! He means everything to me-"

I cut him off with a humorous laugh, "you called that love? MY GOD!" I wiped some tears, as I kept laughing by how ridiculous it all sounded.

He clenched his fist against his chest, determined on keeping his act up, and acting like a caring boy- friend, "Kyle, I get that Eric's your friend and you care for his well-being," he place himself infront of me blocking my way.

I rolled my eyes to that, but I left him continued for my own entertainment. Nothing is gonna stop me by showing Cartman that footage.

"But, you need to see the bigger picture here. Think about how Eric is gonna feel once- uh.. it's gonna destroy him!" He said in a 'I'm gaslighting you' kinda way.

Oh? So that's how he's gonna play.

Jokes on him, I want Cartman to break.

I want him to be destroyed.

I looked at the other 'culprit', the mistress, the home wrecker pass by in a rush avoiding ashamed both their gazes as he left outta sight.

"Mhmm," I said bored, shoving him to the side continuously walking.

"Kyle, I'll give you anything-! I have money! Please, just don't tell Eric! It'll break his heart!"

I halted, now turning his way still with a blank expression, "Okay, give me fifty bucks," I extended my hand.

He jolted, before looking through his pockets nervously his wallet and grabbing some bills.

I actually received the money before shoving it in my pockets, "Okay, cool. I'm still telling Cartman though." I said casually before dashing off.

'WHAT!?' It's what I heard behind as I went in the cafeteria.

I looked among students and spotted Cartman chatting with Butters, Kenny and Stan at a table near the end.

"Where the hell where you man?" Stan asked looking at me, now four turned my way.

"Probably jackin off," Cartman mockingly remarked with a snicker as both blondes snickered aswell sharing the same brain cell.

I frowned, feeling my blood boiling already.

"Anyways— like I was saying. Gordon's taking me out for dinner tonight. He's so— romantic and dreamy~" Cartman in a girly blabbering way continued talking 'wonders' of his boy- friend.

"Dude, I've been dealing with this all day," Stan mustered out in a 'help me' pleading way gesturing Cartman's obnoxious ranting.

"Actually-" I spoke before being interrupted by a rushed Gordon hugging tightly by the shoulders a now startled Cartman.

"Hey babe, guest the kid I was tutoring bailed on me," he shamelessly lied, kissing his cheeks as he eyed me cautiously.

I frowned, "I was about to say-"

"So, BABY," Gordon blurted out grabbing Cartman's attention once more, he seemed unsure who to look at, "we should go to the field, maybe even hid behind some benches and-" he whispered some obvious suggestive things, before glaring at me.

"Actually, Cartman you shouldn't," I began, as I took out my phone and Cartman looked my way oddly. I dodge Gordon's attempt to snatch it from me but failed, obviously.

"You see‐"

"Don't believe him, Eric! It's all bullshit!," he blurted out a little too loudly making a couple of other students turn his way.

Cartman looked my way expectantly, giving small glances to the now crowd of eyes latching to them before looking uncertain with the whole thing.

Why is Cartman looking at me that way?

Don't look at me with those sad pleading eyes, fatass!

You're supposed to be angry, annoyed maybe even bitter by making you wait this much. Not look like you're actually suspecting what I'm about to say.

Like if you're aware I'm about to call your boy- friend off as a scumbag cheater loser in front of the whole school.

I screeched frustrated, grumbling while gritting my teeth as I shoved my phone back in my pocket and walk off.

I didn't care if I got caught skipping class or get detention, I didn't want to be there. I went outside near the flag pole and leaned myself against it. Frowning in thought, zoning out in my own world. I heard steps behind me but I didn't bother to turn back.

"Kyle, thanks," I heard Gordon stupid voice, I winced with cringe, "look, I promise it was just a slip up, I knew you'd understand-"

I clenched my fists, looking at the ground furiously, I felt my eyes water by the burning feeling they emitted.

Is this what actual humiliation was? Cause that's exactly what I was feeling right there.

Humiliation.

I tsk, now turning his way, "I'm doing this for Eric, not you, don't get your shit twisted," I spat sneering, glaring intensely at those diarrhea looking green eyes.

I stepped closer, a couple of inches apart from his face, "let me get things straight," I harshly poked my finger in his chest various times, "I see you upping your way with some other guy I'll kill you, I'll literally kill you, cut you in to bits and trow you down the sewers," I warned, "and second, I don't want you going all pda infront of me because I'll puke my shit out and tell Cartman everything," I finalized coldly, crossing my arms.

I heard Gordon gulped, as he eyed me up and down in a bewildered expression. I could even see a slight blush in his face and how for a couple of seconds his eyes landed on my lips.

I walked backwards, further apart from him.

Gross.

~~~~~~~~

"Okay, babe. Let's lessen the braids now," I pleaded my girlfriend to stop.

Bethany was once again using me as a test dummy, apparently she wanted to get in to the beauty industry. So she signed up for a make-up class, at first she attempted on making me put some make up but I quickly demolished any attempts.

Noticing how her seductive tactics never worked on me.

She eventually gave in with the only thing I was willing to do for her, which was my hair. And now, I'm kinda regretting that too.

My hair was long, above my shoulders, it was heavy and messy. I personally didn't like it, it was inconvenient and it bothered me.

But man, Bethany loved it.

The day ceased and I was contemplating my red curls through the mirror reflection. Gently caressing a strain, and slowly raising my other hand that gripped on to a pair of scissors.

I smiled softly, before cutting that same strain of hair I held, cutting a couple other chunks before looking myself at the mirror again.

Now turning on the hair raiser on the side, trimming down the sides and then chomping some from top.

Fuck yes, some freedom. Some weight off my shoulders.

°°°°

"You motherfucker!" Bethany screamed at me while I looked blankly at her direction, "I can't believe you cut your damn hair off!"

"I had a haircut what's the big deal?" I excuse, I personally loved how'd it looked.

I wasn't bald, but my sides where shave down enough to pop the top of my now short curls; it was a simple undercut.

I looked great, and I felt great.

"You know damn well what you did!" She cried out, getting the attention from some of her friends before joining them with a loud huff.

I shrugged rolling my eyes, not really caring.

And my eyes, wondered to Cartman, lately I haven't been able to get my eye off of him.

Maybe it was guilt?

The guilty feeling of keeping a lie, that his unfaithful boy- friend shamelessly stood next to him probably saying sweet nothings in his ear while having his arms wrapped around him.

I despised Cartman but I couldn't help but feel pity for him.

So painfully oblivious it was becoming suffocating to handle. My gut twisted in screeching protest seeing him be kissed by Gordon or talk using disgustingly caramelized pet names, hugged or grabbed.

Everything Gordon did to Cartman disgusted me to no end, it boiled and mixed up my insides. I hated it, I fucking hated it.

I glared at Gordon as he glance at my direction, smugly watching me as if I we're staring at him.

Please, oh God how fucking stupid is he?

I walked to class deciding to ignore them, I knew why Gordon kept glancing at me.

The past two weeks he's been shamelessly flirting with me, so maybe that adds also to my stress.

As if me keeping quiet of his infidelity was some dirty invitation to pursue me instead, no shame, no care. Insensitive piece of shit. Maybe he was a ideal partner for Cartman after all? They were similar in different ways.

But fuck that, Cartman doesn't cheat. Atleast, not that anyone would be willingly cheat with him to begin with, I wonder if Cartman were to do that if he were given the opportunity to do so? But so far I haven't seen nothing remotely criminalizing he'd be interested cheating on Gordon.

Ofcourse it grosses me out, and it makes me cringe when he attempts to make a move on me, expecting me to fall and swoon for him. As if.

I really, really want to tell Cartman.

Get this all over with, but the more I looked his way the more in love I see him. Scribbling initials in class like a hopeless romantic, sighing dramatically as he'd rant about how 'great' Gordon was 24/7, there were times he'd hummed while we waited in the lunch line murmuring 'Jody~' and Stan annoyingly rolling his eyes as if he didn't do the exact shit with Wendy.

As much as I would like to see that dumb smile fall, there was another part of me that said otherwise.

My heart shrieked tirelessly as if it were working out blood with actual effort, like if one of these days it was planning on failing up on him and die right on spot.

He sighed as he dialed a pin for a snicker bar in the vending machine.

"Hey, hot stuff."

What a nice way to take all my appetite away in one swift of sentence.

"Fuck off," I spat dryly, heading to p.e class.

"C'mon Kyle, I see how you look at me."

I scoffed incredulous, "You're delusional," I shaked my head in disapproval, grabbing my snicker before walking away.

"Babe, please. Stop acting all hard to get," he placed a hand on my shoulder.

I slapped it away, "don't ever call me babe. I'll beat you up right here right now if you dare call me that again," I threatened, blood boiling hot. My body trembled by the intense hatred I had for him, I loathe every inch of that douche.

"Hey broship," I heard behind me, I flinched looking his way, "and— the love of my life..?" He asked confused looking at Gordon, wincing his features and his button nose crinkled.

"I was just asking your friend about some math problem, I heard he was a+ student on the subject so I figured I'd ask, hon," there was no doubt in my mind that Gordon was a natural pathological liar.

"O—kay..." he reluctantly said, "Jody, baby, can you give me a moment with Kahal please?" He said, not really expecting a answer it was definitely more like an order than a question.

Gordon nodded as he walked away not before winking at me behind Cartman's back.

I wanted to punch his fucking face.

"What you want, shorty?" I spat bored, more like controlling my none ending battling anger, opening the wrapper with fake disinterest and munch a bite off the chocolate.

Cartman huffed crossing his arms, reluctantly contemplating something before letting his arms go to his side defeated.

"I was actually about to show you something me and Butters were working on," he said eying my chocolate and with out asking yanked a piece from it.

I felt my cheeks heat up as I saw him eat it. I didn't even bothered protesting.

It's not like Cartman has ever stolen some food from me before, but at that moment my heart pang.

His lips were memorizing as they moved.

"Kahal?"

"Huh?" I snapped back, a little dumbfounded.

Looking now at his stargazing eyes. They we're so glossy and sparkly he couldn't tell if he was crying minutes prior or just added some eye drops on. He tended to do that often as he always complained of the dryness and stingy of his eyes.

"I said—" he continued rambling about something but I zoned out immediately.

My god.

As if lightning strike me like a truck, like all the moments they had flooded my mind that instant.

In bliss seconds everthing was revealed to me.

I'm crushing on Cartman.

My eyes widen as I felt my mouth drop, my heart pounded rapidly by the overwhelming new coming feelings.

No, I'm in love with with Cartman.

I dashed out of there ignoring a offended fatass who cussed profanities at me, by that point I was long gone school grounds heading to stark pound, there's was no way I'll let officer Barbready catch me ditching but I also didn't want to be in school.

I sat in a near by bench, plopping myself defeated with my hands covering my face.

I dragged my nails deeply pressed against my cheeks trailing down the sides. Feeling flaming marks form, as I screeched out loud in disbelief.

~~~~~~

So far I've managed to get my thoughts to not betray me. I ignored any sign that told me otherwise to look at Cartman far from just being my arch rival.

Keeping my mind occupied with school and hanging out with Stan in the farm trying my best to distance myself from Cartman but not be so bluntly obvious either. Or then the fat motherfucker would catch on and look in to it.

There was no other way, but to keep my focus on Beth and continuously turning any pursuing attempts Gordon's has done twoards me.

Fucking asshole.

Last friday he snucked in the boys locker room while P.E had ended and caught me off guard with just a towel on my waist, he was naked purposely trying to seduce me.

Ofcourse that didn't work, but the boldness left me baffled. I should definitely report him for sexual harassment that fuck is wrong with that dude?

The vivid images of his dick disgust me, it was so fucking traumatizing.

Ew.

It really made me questioned if I've ever felt any attraction towards men, his dick being exposed didn't turn me on or even seemed remotely arousing. It was far the opposite.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust, my eyes squinted in cringe. It was foolish, he seemed like a clown that did a embarrassing trick that'll make you desire to be eaten by a hungry hyena rather than hear and witness their shit.

Besides, I've never been interested in a dude before noneless check them out. And I've seen many dicks before, while being expose to those type of things since children, seeing my friends change and take showers at the boys locker room. Nothing too captivating or mind shocking.

So how the hell did my mind get to the conclusion I was in to—

No.

I shocked my head fanatically, stopping at the bus stop. Feeling the weather change abruptly as it became windy, feeling his cheeks freezing.

I sighed letting out some cold steam, looking to my side a chubby brunette approach, grumbling while stumbling side by side stomping the snowy path with boredom.

His cheeks were red and puffed up, as he sunk his face in the yellow scarf he had around his neck breathing harshly as he took in the cold.

"Red bean," he mustered out while shaking off some snow from his sneakers.

"Maybe if you actually listen to me for once, you wouldn't be struggling to walk pass snow," I stated, while I gesture his sneakers with a slight kick on the top side.

He groaned, "I'm not gonna wear gay ass boots, kahaaaal" he blurted out, rolling his eyes, huffing while gritting his teeth frantically. The cold was getting to him, even under all that fat he always took it was worse than I did.

"Well I hope you sink with all that weight then," I bitterly said, while taking out my phone attempting to end the conversation already.

I heard Cartman grumbled out a 'brrrr' while rubbing his gloved hands and exhaling some air out in a huff in attempts to warm himself up.

I hated how my heart squirmed weakened, wanting badly to help.

I sighed annoyed, puffing my cheeks as I felt myself reddened in anger.

I place myself infront of Cartman making him blink in surprise.

Placing my also gloved hands on his face, gripping tightly to those rounded cheeks of his, ignoring Cartman's obvious dumbfounded stare.

I gritted my teeth attempting to not curse myself out for how pathetically ridiculous I looked and embracing myself in a hug.

My god. It felt nice, even felling Cartman flinched in surprise and hesitantly wrapped his arms around me.

"Something hit you on the head or something, jew?" He chuckled out nervously. I could tell by how he stuttered out some words.

Feeling him burying his face against my chest made me scream internally how off putting this all is.

I hesitantly loosen out from the grip and let go, Cartman stupidly held his arms out still dumbfounded by the whole thing. I must say, I really held it in me to not smile by that.

"Next time use a thicker sweater, shorty," I coughed out awkwardly, placing myself back in my spot.

"U-huh.." he mustered, mouth still hanging loose and a blank expression adorned his face

Atleast he looked less frozen.

He shook his head fanatically, "hold up, I forgot!" He exclaimed now searching in his pockets and grabbed his phone.

With a tooth eating grin he shoved his phone infront of my face.

"What the hell is this, fatass?" I frowned, reading the article.

"Hahaha it's what me and Butters been working on. I told you we had planned on vengeance for what Mr Martbutt did to us" he place his hands in hips, proudly.

I regretted ever hugging that motherfucker.

"That's fuck up, turd face" I snarled, angrily. Seeing Cartman beam by that, knowingly

Even though Mr Martin was a dick for taking our lunch break that one time, no one deserved being publicly shamed for... 'parental negligence of his child and secretly having an affair with a high school student (Bradley Thomason, a senior) he reread the title. Okay, maybe he did deserve it, but, it could be a blant lie coming from Cartman.

"Dude, don't be a dick"

"You don't believe me? Ask Bradley he was expelled a week ago," he howled in laughter as if we're actually funny.

I didn't find it funny. If that boy was actually manipulated in to being with an old ass fifty year old man, people should feel pity for how his chances on getting into a good school are now numbered. Probably his hopes and dreams were now crushed.

That, or he was fucking Mr Martin for a good grade in algebra.

I rolled my eyes, "just don't get me involved in your shit, fatass."

He chimed delightful as he typed in his phone.

Finally I saw both Kenny and Stan walk to the bus stop, about time. Being alone with Cartman can be too much.

°°°°°

Munching on my sandwich carelessly, Butters approached the table seating excitedly as if he was about to blurt out something.

'I wonder what could that be' I thought sarcastically while rolling my eyes annoyed.

Cartman wasn't at the cafeteria which was odd, cause today was cheesy fries tuesday, but I didn't see him at all in sight.

I wished upon ever ounce in my body that he was caught for the article and somewhat got in trouble for it.

"Did you guys hear?" Butters asked putting in a straw in his milk.

Kenny looked his way, "about Mr Martin being a perv? Long old news, dude," he shrugged disinterested.

"No, about Eric."

My eyes darted his way, 'was I right after all?'.

I looked smugly as I bit by water bottle holding in a 'ha' before biting my lip still listening to Butters.

"Well, turns out his going stargazing with Gordon tonight," he said casually.

Okay, that wasn't exactly what I expected to hear.

"That's gay," Ironically Craig commented.

"Yeah, that's what Eric said too," he nodded agreeing, "but that's not all, supposedly he's gonna have sex with him tonight, he's gonna finally become a man!" He cheered out proudly, clasping his hand together.

Everyone there gasped, with me being the exception. My mouth fell in disbelief and my brows knitted together in concerned.

"It's about fucking time that fat fuck loses his v-card," Kenny stated shaking his head disappointed, "I've been telling him since he first got with Gordon to get it over it and stop blabbering about wondering how it felt taking up some dick instead of being a pussy about it and mustering the courage to do it."

"Aw dude, yuck," Stan winced out dramatically, brutal images of Cartman in fours probably appearing in his mind.

Kenny snickered knowingly causing some of the other guys to wince mortified.

"I can't believe Cartman is gonna lose his virginity before I have," Clyde said in disbelief, slapping his forehead seemingly not believing it, "does it count if it's with a dude?" He tried saving himself, but Craig just shrugged in response.

Everyone there atleast once had sex with the exception of Clyde and Scott.

I was kinda pressured on doing it with Beth, now being in high-school it was pathetic to be labeled a virgin, it wasn't magical or remotely special, and it was definitely not my proudest moment. But Stan and Tolkien insisted that it was just necessary for manhood, or some shit like that.

Butters was dared to do it with a hooker as he also had pass the expiring limit, and Kenny, well its Kenny. Who knows when it was his first time.

Stan obviously did it with Wendy in the beginning of middle-school, which was such a shocker for all of us at that time, it was his biggest accomplishment yet apparently.

The fact that both he a Kenny out of the four were already non-virgins just pin pressure on both me and Cartman. We argued sometimes on who'd be a virgin last but at the end Cartman ended up losing eventually, once he heard from Clyde that I slept with Bethany at a movie date we had some saturday night.

In all honesty, I was feeling a little uncertain now knowing that Cartman would lose it with someone who's been unfaithful to him from the start.

Clearly Cartman could've done it by now, but he hasn't. Cartman was bigoted but we all knew how emotionally deranged he was.

When it came to sensitive topics like that, he'd act out like he didn't care but we all saw through his bullshit. He did care, a little too much to be in fact.

He was an emotional brat. And Butters has sometimes exposed him from being one big cry baby. Not that we didn't know by now.

And by what Kenny said, it may seem Cartman wasn't feeling ready for it until now..

He's probably the type that waits for the right person and right place imagining it happening like some rom-com. And by my own experience, I would've preferred it being with the right person aswell and not pin pressured on doing so like I did.

If I could change how my first time would've been, I would've waited.

But I couldn't, but..

Now looking at both blondes snickering seemingly arranging something, knitted my brows in contemplation.

I could prevent a friend by making a choice he'll regret later.

Theres no way I could let Cartman do it with a unfaithful piece of shit like Gordon Stolkie, he'll probably go into a killing spree if he finds out how the 'man of his dreams' was just a facade and he wasted his precious time and lost something with value for him because he was blindly in love with a douche.

Even if that meant Cartman would be pissed knowing I hid it from him.

I couldn't let Gordon Stolkie fuck Eric Cartman.

°°°°°

I looked attentively through the hallways acting as if I wasn't desperately trying to find shorty.

I opened a couple of classrooms receiving a couple of odd stares from some students.

Where was Cartman?

I looked everywhere but nowhere to be seen, I accidentally bumped in to someone as I was looking at some of Bethany's friends.

I looked infront and Gordon smirked as he gripped my arms.

"What a a nice way to greet someone, Brofloski," He grinned widely.

I frowned, shoving him off, "where's Cartman?" I asked reluctantly, still glaring at him.

"Hmm.." He contemplated in thought, before smiling deviously, "I'll tell you if you let me kiss you on that pale neck of yours," I winced just by the thought.

I slammed him harshly against the drinking fountain making him flinch in surprise with a small 'yelp' coming out from his mouth. I felt some of the students gather up probably looking for something to gossip about.

"I'm not fooling around, asswipe. Where's fatass?" I sneered, giving him another shove making him wince as his ass was already getting soaked by sitting on a moist water bin.

"Alright, geez," he surrender freaking out as he glance at a couple of students in the crowd of watchers, keeping carefully his hands far apart from my chest, "He ditch school for something, he didn't tell me what, man."

"You didn't even bother asking where?" I asked incredulous.

"Uh, no..?"

I scoffed as I shoved him once more, letting go as I wiped my hands from any Gordon germs in my jeans.

"Cartman's a maniac if you didn't know that by now, you should know he's always up to something," I sneered, finally storming off.

I pushed some students aside that were in my way, finally walking out the entrance.

I took out my phone and called him like five times, the six being the charm.

"What you want," He harshly spoke on the other line, "I'm busy, jew."

"Yeah, where the fuck are you?" I spat, not wanting to waste any more time.

"What you mean, that's none of your business," he said in protest, I rolled my eyes.

"Where. Are. You," I said tentatively, "I need to speak with you. It's important," I reluctantly admitted, kicking some snow.

There was a brief silence, but I heard a bunch of ruffling and people in the background as if he were in a public place.

"I'm at Jessica's dresser," he admitted, "DON'T you dare say anything," he lastly say before hanging up.

Jessica's dresser was a clothing store at almost the near end of the town, mostly targeted for girls but they did have a small section for men.

Cartman is such a gaywad.

I called a Uber, and was there in like 25 minutes.

I went inside, looking through the sections. And spotted him in an instant.

He was seemingly caressing some fabric blue shirt, having in arm a pile of clothing.

"Shorty," I spoke, making him turned my way.

"If it isn't the jew," he said nonchalant, continuously eyeing some shirts in the hangers, "this is like the fifth time this month I've seen you ditch school. You're becoming quite a rebal."

I rolled my eyes by his obvious snarky remark.

"What're you doing here?" I asked firstly, arching a brow by how he looked at himself in the mirror with a shirt placed in front of him. Seeing how'd it look on him.

"Should I take this blue one or the pink one?" He asked dodging my question, gesturing a blue shirt with two white stripes and a salmon pink shirt with a small nike logo place on the left side near the armpit.

I shrugged, confusingly, "I don't know, either look okay?"

He rolled his eyes, "I knew jews didn't know anything about fashion," he commented before tossing carelessly the blue on the racket as he beamed looking at himself with the pink one, "pink is definitely my color."

I inhale deeply saving myself by remarking anything, grabbing the blue shirt and putting it back in its hanger.

"Cartman, I may have heard about something in school.." I started eyeing the rackets instead of him, looking through some clothes a little lost.

"Hmm??" He hummed, as he slid on that same pink shirt on top of the white one he was wearing, "I look amazing," he mumbled, not paying me much mind.

I frowned now glaring at him, "do you have plans tonight?"

He side eyed me, "let me guess, Butters already told you guys?"

My eyes widen, once again, Cartman was one step ahead of me. Goddammit.

"So it true.."

"Yeah, I'm excited," He clutch to his shirt, "do you think he'll like it? Or should I go more casual?" He said gesturing a set of clothes he had already matched.

It was a green shirt and some khaki shorts.

"Cartman-" but Cartman again, ignored me looking under some of the pair of pants he picked.

He placed infront of me some lingerie, my eyes widen as I felt my cheeks bloom reddened, as I glance away a couple of times, my mouth hanging.

"You think I should go full whore, cute 'I'm under your possession' or classy slut?" He kept on asking questions not really expecting a answer from me, as he kept rummaging his selection.

"Cartman!" I finally made him snapped in my direction, a pink bunny lingerie in hand.

I slowly looked down at the set before placing my gaze right back up.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go sleep with Gordon."

"Why? Ofcourse you'd say that," He groaned annoyed, defensively throwing the lingerie in a chair. "It's so— easy for you to say that, you already slept with your bitch girlfriend and now that you see that I'm also gonna take a hit you want to drag me down from experiencing it myself don't you, kahal!"

"That isn't true, fatass. Shut the fuck up," I reluctantly looked at my side as a employee pass by eyeing us suspiciously.

He placed his hands on his hips, "Gordon is my boyfriend I don't see why that's an issue now," he hissed out loud, cheeks heating up.

"It's not- Cartman It's not about who you do it with. It's about GORDON, you shouldn't do it with him, that's what I'm trying to tell you," I softly explain, trying my best to not make him lose it inside the store.

"Why NOT?" he sneered, leaning his body forward, glaringly.

I bit my lip, maybe telling Cartman that Gordon is a pervert cheating douchbag in the store wasn't a good idea.

"Cartman, just trust me on this," I sit myself down in one of the waiting chairs, looking up at Cartman.

He still kept his defensive posture.

"Fuck you, dude. I'm getting layyed tonight and that's final," he spat out bitterly, huffing before picking up the clothes he choose.

Walking now to the register, I stood up and followed him grumbling profanities as I looked down at the back of Cartman's shoes.

"Hello, what can I help you with today?" The cashier, seemingly our age, greeted beaming.

"Just this," Cartman said with the opposite enthusiasm, placing his clothing in the register as the blonde boy a tag with the name 'Tyler' plastered, began scanning them.

He slightly eyed Cartman then at myself, I arched a brow.

Was he questioning the lingerie? Or did he think we were some couple. Either way, I felt embarrassed avoiding my gaze and looking elsewhere.

"Are you two like.. together?" he heard the cashier asked Cartman, I looked up now attentive.

It was obvious what he was inquiring, after all, you don't see two dudes casually walking out with lingerie on a daily average.

Cartman winced, "what? Noo!?" He blurted out a little too exaggerated, making this look even more suspicious to the eye.

"Friend then?" He chuckled, as he continuously scanned the clothing, "are you into dudes?"

"Excuse me, do I look gay to you?" Cartman huffed offended.

"Kinda," the blonde admitted with a smirk.

Cartman crossed his arms as he looked my way then at the blonde.

I saw Cartman smirk, as he leaned against the counter, "maybe— interested?" He taunted raising his brows in a playful manner.

Tyler seemed to not be faze by that, more like pleased.

Oh.

That fucker was actually flirting with him, Cartman's so stupid he's probably no expecting for he to retort his way with the same attitude back.

And I was right, cause fatass jolted in surprise when Tyler actually admitted that he was, in fact, interested.

"Yeah, I am," he admitted boldly, smiling lightly as he introduced a code in the computer, "don't meet many cute guys like you around."

I looked at Cartman and he was red as a tomato, glancing my way 'discreetly' as he was more embarrassed of the fact that I was there.

He cleared his throat, "i- I actually have a boyfriend," he mumbled out now looking at the door.

Tyler huffed playful, "I knew you two were something," He chuckled as he finally finished scanning the items.

I kept eyeing Cartman's reactions, it was more entertaining than being considered as his boyfriend. It was funny to see how Cartman would shrug it off as if it didn't affect him in the slightest when his facials said otherwise.

When he'd flip the cashier off saying 'as if' then finally walking out of the store.

Cartman was hella flustered, he looked cute.

Fuck.

He looked cute.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, walking beside him as I heard him complained about the audacity of people and their stupid assumptions and shit like that.

My mind filled with images of Cartman wearing that pink stupid shirt and khaki shorts trying to impress me. I inhale deeply, exhaling loudly not caring if Cartman heard me.

"Okay, jew. Why are you still following me," I finally snapped back looking at Cartman, "like, I already told you I'm still gonna fuck Jody, nothing is gonna change my mind," he kept on going.

I tsk, I know damn well how stubborn Cartman can be when he truly wants something.

I sighed taking out my phone, might aswell do it now.

I grabbed Cartman's arm as I dragged him near a fountain, Cartman cursing him out while he was being dragged.

"Look, shorty. You know that as much as we're rivals and hate each other," I began, gesturing Cartman to sit down, which he reluctantly did as he now looked at me attentively, "at the end of it all we've been through alot together, we've been there even in the worse scenarios and by this point being 'something' isn't just nameless. We're friends and‐," I gulped, grasping some air, feeling Cartman's intense gaze on me," I care, like, I really do, fatass. I'm not fucking around here, I'm being serious," I looked his way and I could see some fondness in his features, those damn eyes digged holes inside my heart.

"Cartman, this.. this is gonna be hard to say but, it's the right thing to do and- I just hate seeing you blindly oblivious to it," I extended my phone to him, "you should see this. It's been going on for awhile."

~~~~~~~~

I was expecting Cartman to snap, probably plot something against Gordon or cuss me out for keeping it a secret for that long but the only thing I received was a blank expression as he gave my phone back and left, leaving his purchases in the fountain.

He still goes to school but his motionless expression kept the same. Blankly staring at nothing while in class, lunch and p.e class.

For what Kenny has told us, he mopped in his room all day once back home; layyed down carelessly in his bed doing nothing but watch the side of his wall.

It reminded him of Stan during his first breakup, even Stan admitted he could actually resonate with Cartman and to just give him time.

But in all honesty, no one knew why they broke up with the exception of me and I kinda suspect Butters too, but point be told, they didn't know.

They only knew that Gordon was throwing me shade for 'ruining' their relationship telling Cartman the truth. But nothing was specified or even confirmed by me or Gordon.

I sighed entering Cartman's home alongside Stan and Kenny. We went upstairs to the familiar bedroom. Looking at the sad lump displayed infront of us.

"C'mon, Eric. Don't worry I'll find you some better dick," Kenny spoke, trying his best to cheer him up.

They all suspected Cartman may had been bummed out for not being able to get a hit before getting dumped, but that was far from the real reasons.

Stan believed that Cartman may had said something or done something stupid enough to piss Gordon off making the breakup inevitable.

While Kenny strongly believed it was because Gordon didn't want to take a hit with Cartman.

After seeing Cartman mopped around these past day's finally actually seeing him being this pathetic over some douche really pissed me off.

"C'mon, fatass. They're other dudes out there," I spat angrily, tired of his downer attitude, "you're not like this, you've never let anything pinned you down like some complete emo bitch."

Cartman huffed, after days of not hearing his voice, it felt kinda surreal.

"You're the one to say," It was raspy, and I could already hear the bitterness in it, "you butt fucking traitor, you're an hypocrite asshole," he scoffed as he placed a hand on his forehead.

I felt Stan and Kenny eye me but kept themselves silent.

"Look, Cartman. I know you're upset, but it isn't a big of deal. People break up here and there all the time you'll find another match-"

"¡FUCK YOU, KYLE!," he screeched out loud, sitting down as he now glared at me. He was fuming and his eyes were glossy red, not the glossy eyes I'm use to.

Cartman's always so confident and unfazed by many things, mostly while confronting me. But this is by far the first time I've ever seen him be this wrecked, so.. emotionally driven. It really seemed like this actually got him to break down all the layers I've been wanting to see after years of failed attempts.

His humanity, his heart, the vulnerability in his eyes as they water holding down some tears from coming out. Genuinely being in pain.

Some douchbag had actually got him to break with such ease.

"We'll leave you two alone to sort things out," Stan spoke before gesturing Kenny to follow.

Both awkwardly left closing the door behind them.

I went to check that they weren't actually eavesdropping and I looked at Cartman.

"Cartman, if I didn't tell you it's because I was worried for your own sake," I admitted now more freely, just being the two of us.

He laughed, "wow— it really seemed like it," he sneered, giving him cold stare, "did you like seeing me act stupid? Were you enjoying seeing me pathetically fall in some assholes lies? Is that it? Are you into seeing me suffer or being humiliated!?"

"No I don't, Cartman," I bluntly said, unfazed by his assumptions, he's deflecting I know he's hurt so it's obvious he'll try to cover it up by spiteful comments, "at that time I really did want to tell you, but there was this other side that didn't. Cartman you really had this huge view on someone, an image you couldn't just stop contemplating as perfect. And there's nothing wrong on viewing your partner as the most perfect being of your universe.

That's how love is supposed to be, loving your partner unconditionally and still viewing their flaws in a whole, perfect.

But how your view on Gordon made it blankly obvious you'd fall disappointed knowing the truth of it all.

No relationship is perfect Cartman, there's no such thing as the perfect man out there. And I know Gordon may had seem like the perfect dude that had it 'all' but he's just one outta the bunch.

And for your dismay, he's one of the few douches you'll encounter during your lifespan.

That doesn't mean it's over for you, Eric," I looked throughly into Cartman's eyes, he now looked more relaxed, but his eyes still glitter in sadness.

"Eric I was scared to hurt you, sometimes it's like you view the world differently it makes it harder for you to grasp in reality," I saw how he clutch his side while looking downwards taking in my words, "I felt you wouldn't understand me and pinned the blame on me somehow just to dismiss the idea of Gordon ever doing that to you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I kept it from you, and I'm also sorry I still managed to hurt you in a way, that you have to experience being cheated on and still lied to.

I really just wanted to be a good friend that didn't want to see you get hurt by the betrayal, but I think I just worsen it," I sucked in some air as I felt my eyes sting.

Finally being able to take it all out, my heart beating slowly as I felt myself sinking with each word.

"I love you, Eric," He looked my way baffled, mouth agape, "I love you just as much as I hate you.

You're one of my best friends, it's hard not to care." I waited for a response, as he kept quiet for a whole minute before moving to the side of the bed, facing me.

"Kahal... that's— pretty gay," he smiled lightly in his usual manner.

I smiled back not helping myself on holding back some laughter, lounging myself on to Cartman in a big warm hug.

I felt him digged his nails in my jacket, as he gripped tightly his face once more, buried in my chest.

And in a blink of an eye, I pushed him down gently now laying in the comfortable matress while I layyed on top of him my head resting in his shoulders. Letting myself embrace the warmth given by him, feeling his legs wrapped around my waist as we still didn't let go.

His hands slid down lightly in my back, and rubbed in circles while I felt our breathing synchronize, and his heart beat against my hand that rested on his chest.

I kissed him in seconds, he kissed back just as desperately. Feeling a long going flame burst even stronger, my crotch rubbed against his making it spread further.

In desperate attempts to take off his clothing, then mine and feel our skin touch.

The ongoing heat spreading inside our bodies, the bedsheets filled with sweat, tears and other ongoing pleasures. The creaking noises the bed resonated while moaning echoed the room.

I was Eric's first.

~~~~~~~

As expected, I broke up with Bethany.

I couldn't bare being in a relationship that I knew would not head anywhere, besides that, I was also a terrible boyfriend. And, well the cheating part too.

Too worsen it all, I now have an annoying clingy bitch taking the place she had previously had won, and ofcourse Cartman overshadowed anyone that could possibly become a interest of mine so he easily took the empty place in matter of seconds. He also can't leave me alone after the incident, he's unbearable.

I needed to sort things out before I have a talk with Cartman about what happened, but meanwhile I dismissively avoided bringing up the subject. It didn't seemed he mind, he was content that I still talked to him and let him get a little bit more touchy than he'd usually be.

It's not like Cartman isn't known to be a person who respected personal space anyways. And it's not like I mind either.

But having Cartman be so clingy to me doesn't let me concentrate on my thoughts and feelings.

I also tried avoiding any attempts of kissing or hugs, that'll just make me lose it and forget the small percentage left of my sanity.

Having sex with Cartman was exactly how I imagined my first time being; it was awkward, new, fitting but it felt right, being with a person I desired so vividly. Practically learning how to keep up with the pace and learning how to properly positioned ourselves.

Cartman stealing some of his mom's lube in attempts of making it any better (cause Kenny told him it was necessary for butt fucking), and technically in a way, it was my first time aswell?

I've never been with a dude before, so in that sense it was my first, and none only with Cartman an un-experienced hormonal teen, not that I wasn't one myself but I had done sex before. So I already knew what was I getting into, Cartman on the other side reacted with each touch, kiss and nibble, and a hot as that was I couldn't just jump on him and devour ever inch of his body. It felt like I needed to make it special for him, appealing. Just like I thought he'd picture it being.

And that just made me do things with cautious, technically 'awkward'.

The feeling on the other side was immaculate, his gestures and moaning were luring me into depths I didn't know I could get in to. Every sloppy kiss he'd give me blurred my mind and each touch burned.

Making me want more, enjoying the feeling of his hands going all over my back having him dumbly suck on my neck leaving just small red marks that vanished quickly as a rash.

Scratching my back hard as he digged his nails in me while I licked the back of his ear dragging my tongue to his neck.

Yeah, all that was immaculate. Nothing could compare to the feeling of having Eric Cartman under me, being under my full possession letting himself be felt by my untamed hunger and heat, submitting to me like if he had always wanted to be pinned down by my grotesque grip and take it up the ass, thrusting furiously back and forth leaving him breathless, kissing him lovingly in his neck and cheeks, someone he claimed hatred twoards, someone he'd tormented for years because he 'loathed' him. His archrival.

Kyle Brofloski.

Yeah, I fucked him. I fucked that piece of shit, and I loved it. I loved ever second of it.

[magicpotatoobsession]

Hi, how are you?

I’ve came across your blog while I started reading Given and having questions about the manga.

I would like to know about your idea of Uenoyama, I have read your thoughts to all the post pinned, but I have still something unfinished with him.

I do really like his character even though is soo different from me and I will go to the extend to say that is probably one of my favourite.

I feel that his pain hasn’t been talked much, there are moments here and there, also when he says that ‘he will never be him’ (which hurts so bad) but all those chapters were focused on the healing journey of Mafuyu. We really never knew if Uenoyama had overcome those insecurities. He is a teenager who lost interest in anything, meets Mafuyu and falls in love with him (so we have this big new feeling), then he starts playing with enthusiasm again, then somehow not only starts dealing with his feelings but also the ones Mafuyu has for Yuki, and he is dealing with them silently (and let's remember at the beginning of the manga he didn't seem to feel much and all of sudden he's bombarded by all these new emotions which are not only his and he's just a teenager 😭 ). He is dealing with the distance between him and Mafuyu silently too. When he finished the song and the manga ended I felt uncompleted. Will he ever feel completely loved by Mafuyu or he just accept what Mafuyu can give to him? Will he always feel the shadow of Yuki between them? Is he happy with it? Will he ever feel that he ‘needs’ to be like Yuki? Is he still insecure? Is even fair to live with the shadow of the first love of YOUR first love?

Something I noticed is that when the second song came out I thought it was for him but then I realised it was more for UgetsuxAkihikoxHaruki with some similarity between him and Uenoyama, but in the song, there still is a second person, it is not fully a romantic song as I originally thought, there is still this shadow. So I went to check if there was actually any song for him and even though there is, in one part it says ‘with you I can go through another winter’ or something similar and I felt again, this shadow still present. It might be something silly and probably the character of Uenoyama would not think about it or would just accept it, but I felt that even though he was loved, the love he receives has a filter to it, he loves Mafuyu fully but will he ever be just loved? Or he’s going to be always someone who surely helps Mafuyu overcome or deal with his trauma and current boyfriend, but will he ever just be his lover? Can he just be him only (I'm not sure if I explained myself well)? I felt that between Akihiko and Haruki there wasn't the presence of Ugetsu when they got together (even if I still think that Haruki is uncompleted as well). I understand of course the trauma of Mafuyu and that he's paying attention to not make the same mistakes but-

I don't know there are a lot of things about Uenoyama's feelings I don't understand. For some reason when I think about him, my heart aches although he's loved.

I wish the sequel would talk about these more but I'm not sure if it's going to focus on that. Sorry I kinda ended up writing too much

Hello! I'm good thank you!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll keep my answer short because I feel like a lot of the questions you posed will be answered in this new sequel manga, Given 10th Mix. I have a huge feeling that we will get a lot more about Ritsuka's struggles. I completely feel you, I thought a lot of his feelings and emotions were left unresolved and then when Kizu announced the sequel, I was so relieved! So yeah, basically I agree with everything and now I think all we can do is keep our eyes peeled. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I'll also do a first impressions of the first chapter soon! And I'll touch on many of the things you mentioned! Please look out for that! I hope that you're having a lovely day!

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My Given Metas