#and I’ve tried to explain that he acts the way he does to *build* self confidence

[epiphanytear]

The sudden urge to defend Jin’s confidence just came over me

[bp-zb1fics]

A little crazy

pairing: overprotective bf shanbin x s/o reader

genre: university au on unhingedness (same verse as perils, and no, it's not lasik), fluff

tw/tags: established relationship, some stereotypical characters, hanbin has a few quirks, character study lowkey, unwanted flirting, unintentional flirting, pet names, intimidation, he's sweet but a psycho, drinking, getting a lil tipsy, lowkey stalker vibes but not really, for plot purposes we will find it cute, threatening, idk how to tag this pls tell me if i missed something

wc: 2078

summary: your boyfriend is legitimately the sweetest person ever…except when someone tries to make moves on you. Then he gets…well…

a/n my advanced birthday fic for hanbin! Bc idk why I thought it was today I must have hallucinated but also idk if I have time to post on the actual day bc of real life commitments lmao whoops I struggle and try my best. Shout out to Kara aka @boysplanetmorelike for sparking this lil idea~

Check my pinned for more fics~

It’s not like he was perfect, even if people liked to think he was. Well, yes he is very boyfriend. That’s why he’s your boyfriend.

You, of all people, can attest to the fact he isn’t perfect. You’ve seen his hair in the morning. He’s definitely not at his prettiest. Sometimes he becomes a little control freak. You know that. You’re the one who they call to get him before he makes one of the poor freshmen cry unintentionally and then ends up feeling guilty about it and apologising profusely for the rest of the day, your poor soft-hearted man. And some might argue that yes he has his little ticks but they’re only minor character flaws if they can be considered flaws at all.

If only they knew.

Those who have had the pleasure of getting to know Sung Hanbin on a more, well, personal level are probably the only ones who will ever know. Poor souls, really.

And perhaps it isn’t as effective to explain as it is to show what exactly one of his more problematic personality issues is. Let’s take one unsuspecting, innocent afternoon.

Perspective. You’ve just finished class. It’s a pleasant day. You decide to meet at one of the benches under the trees outside your building. His class finishes a bit after yours so you wait, scrolling through your phone, peaceful, unbothered.

Enter unfortunate victim. For the purpose of this exercise, he shall remain unnamed. We’ll call him Victim #444. Or well, that guy.

He’s your typical fuckboy. Good looking in a sort of lukewarm way, hugely overconfident, probably thinks he has a bigger dick than he actually does, a horrible flirt, we’ve all met that type.

You share a class together. That’s how he makes conversation. Otherwise, he might not dare to approach at that time. Your talk goes something like this.

“Hey, you’re in Choi-seongsaengnim’s class too right?”

“Yeah?” You look up from your phone and he’s just there. He takes a seat on the same bench without asking. Well, it’s public property but he’s a little closer than you would like.

“He’s such a hardass, don’t you think? Like sure, he knows the lesson but he doesn’t need to act like this is the only class we’re taking.”

“Well, I mean-”

“-Like seongsaengnim, come on, I have a life outside of trying to figure out what the fuck your lessons mean.” You can add self-absorbed and stupid to this one’s list of notable traits.

“I think-” And definitely not letting you get a word in.

“Speaking of, have you got a partner for the latest project? Because, you know, I’ve been asked but I’m happy to make an exception if you want to pair up.”

“Actually, I already have-”

“Let me give you my number so we can contact each other? Maybe meet up, you know? I’ve got a nice little place to myself on the other side of campus.”

Ugh, as if. He’s leaning in so close that you can smell his cheap cologne. Before you can get up from the bench, arms wrap around you from the back and a very familiar voice coos in your ear.

“Ahh nae sarang, sorry I’m late.”

You turn your head, leaning into him.

“Hi Binnie-yah.”

He beams at you before directing his stare at the other guy. And so it begins.

“Oh, who’s this?”

You’re pretty sure Hanbin knew who this was. He knew who everyone was and at least one notable thing about them because he was quirky like that. Well, he wasn’t known as the university’s social butterfly for nothing. And you don’t want to spoil his fun so you let the guy introduce himself.

“Ah, you’re taking that major, yeah? So Junho-yah is your senior, how is he these days?”

“Oh, ah yes, Junho-sunbaenim’s been doing well, I don’t really see him around much actually.”

And bingo. The guy starts squirming. Faster than it usually takes. Your boyfriend’s made himself comfortable even though he’s half-hunched over and resting his chin on your shoulder, looking at the other guy with an unwavering stare. Sort of the way a spider would probably look at a fly before, well, you know.

“Really, well last I heard from him, he was complaining about how disrespectful his underclassmen are…but you’re not like that, aren’t you?”

“Ah, no, of course not sunbaenim.”

You can feel Hanbin’s smile get wider, his eyes crinkling in a way that you find adorable but you suspect might not be as cute for your unfortunate companion.

“That’s good, keep up the good work. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if any of my underclassmen were being disrespectful. Ah well, actually I can….”

He pauses and you swear that the guy stops breathing.

“...and I can definitely say that they’ll be very sorry that they even tried that with me.” Hanbin continues cheerily.

Suddenly he walks over and starts patting him on the shoulder. The guy flinches back.

“So next time, remember to be on your best behaviour and keep being polite, hmm? Don’t be so obvious? Maybe try not to be so shameless, yeah?”

“Ah, yes, of course, sunbaenim. Actually I- I just remembered I- I have to go- ah- sorry to disturb um- excuse me-”

You watch as he does a roughly 90 degree bow to both of you before walking off quickly.

“Less than 5 minutes, Binnie, that’s a new record.”

And your cute boyfriend is back, pouting and grabbing at your hands and squeezing them softly. If you were anyone else, you would have gotten whiplash.

“It’s not my fault if I want you all to myself, hmmm?”

Did you mention that your boyfriend was a little off in the head? Not in the should-be-confined-to-the-mental-hospital way but that slight sort of insanity that possesses him when someone tries to go for his little brother (rip Gunwook) or his little sister or his close friends or well, you.

And everyone else? Everyone else was not safe. If murder was legal, literally everyone else would probably be fearing for their lives. Which is probably a good thing that murder isn’t legal. Those incredibly lucky bastards.

Take one of the freshmen trying to chat you up during a party. They’ve been incredibly nice all evening, pouring you drinks and asking you all sorts of thoughtful questions about the major. So yes, you’re very happy to answer and give them little tips on how to ace a certain project.

“And it’s honestly fine if you mess up a little on your first test for Hwang-seongsaengnim’s class, he’s very nice when it comes to students forgetting a few names so don’t stress too much about it and make sure to ace the extra credit he gives.”

“Oh, thank you so much sunbaenim. That’s so helpful, I’ll definitely try my best.”

You can’t help but smile. So cute. Maybe it was the alcohol but you remember how it was like being a wide-eyed, overeager freshman listening attentively to your own seniors.

“It’s really no problem. Ask me anything, anytime. Seriously, don’t be afraid if you need advice.”

You reach over to pat them, swaying just a little from the amount of soju running through your body. They’re awfully red as well. You wonder why.

“How are you getting home, sunbaenim? Do you live nearby? I can walk with you if you’re comfortable with that, I don’t think it’s too safe to be out at this time.”

“Oh it’s no worries, I’ll be taking them home.”

“Ah Hanbinnie, meet my new dongsaeng” you’re not too sure when he got here or even why he’s here but Hanbin’s incredibly warm and his hands around your waist feel so nice. 

“This is my boyfriend.” You introduce him to the freshman. He dips his head in greeting as the other nearly tips over trying to bow. You make a concerned noise, making to catch the other but Hanbin firmly keeps you from moving, letting the freshman catch themselves instead.

“So nice to meet you, we’ll get going if that’s alright. It’s really not safe to be out this late, especially with someone you barely know.” You hardly register your boyfriend’s words but you’re not that drunk that you don’t know the smile he’s giving is about 95% fake and razor-sharp.

“Ah yes, get home safely, sunbaenim. I’ll find my way back so don’t worry.”

“Oh we won’t” You think you hear Hanbin say. Maybe. Could be your imagination. Because the next moment he’s nuzzling at your neck like a very spoiled cat, arms firmly holding you up as he guides you out of the bar and into the car.

“Nae sarang, you really need to take better care of yourself or I won’t want to let you out of my sight.” He says to you softly as he practically carries you into the passenger seat. It’s sweet, well the implication behind it is kinda creepy but you know he doesn’t mean it that way. (Does he?)

“You drove here?”

“Of course, I can’t let you go home all by yourself, can I?”

Like you said, there’s just a tiny screw loose in that head of his, considering the bar where you’re drinking is over an hour away from campus. You chalk it up to it being Hanbin. He can get a little paranoid on occasion. 

And sometimes, he goes a bit psycho. A little. Not a lot. Still, according to Gunwook, it’s terrifying. You really wouldn’t know but you’ve seen it.

You’ve come to wait for his dance club to finish when someone collides into you. It’s not too hard but it still knocks you off your feet and onto the ground with a thud.

“Yah, watch where you’re going, huh? I have a performance next week and I could have injured myself.”

It’s definitely one of the newer members because you don’t recognise them. Before you can say anything, Seo Won, one of the veterans, is already helping you up and asking if you’re okay. The one that knocked you over huffs and is about to say something else when Hanbin calls their name sharply.

Your boyfriend’s eyes narrow and maybe you’re a little lightheaded from the fall but also from the way his shirt clings to his body and his hair weighed down by sweat. It’s kinda hot but you’re not admitting that out loud. Not now, at least. He calls the other member’s name again and gestures him over.

He speaks too quietly for you to hear anything. All you know is that the other’s face pales drastically and he bows several times, walking over and apologising to you before practically hightailing out of the room.

Hanbin’s all over you in a matter of seconds, practically lifting you off the ground. It’s not good for your heart. Seo Won quickly backs off.

“My poor sarang, are you okay? Do you need anything? Ice? Are you bruised anywhere? Let me check.”

You don’t ever see the person who knocked you over again. Ever. You’d wonder about it but you’ve learned that it was better not to question sometimes. Especially when Hanbin insists on carrying you around for the rest of the day and practically waits on you hand and foot until the bruises fade. And it’s just a bruise. You do admit to him later that maybe you find it attractive when he’s a shade pissed and sweaty. Maybe you both get a little sweaty after that. And later, when you’re rightfully tired and sprawled out on top of him, you think about it.

Really, you wonder what goes through his mind sometimes.

[cut scene]

Hanbin smiles, all teeth and no sympathy. It’s like the serial killer before the murder.

“You speak to anyone like that ever again and I can do injuring for you, understood? No, don’t talk, just nod if you’ve managed to get it into that head of yours, hmm?”

A nod. Hanbin likes it when they’re like this. Quiet and white-faced and sweating nervously.

“Now go apologise to them. Sincerely. Like you mean it. And then, get lost. I don’t want to see your face for awhile, yes?”

Another nod. They take one step back and make to turn around.

“Oh wait.”

They freeze.

“Remember. Sincerely, okay? And don’t think I won’t know if it isn’t.”

A final nod.

“Very good. Now go.”

They go. Hanbin sighs. God, you’re going to drive him insane one day. (He already is)

[aidanezra]

Failure? Son!Reader x Father!Tony Stark (Part Two)

A/N: Here's part two of Failure! Thank you so so much for all the love on the last part, I was not expecting it at all so it was a nice surprise! Lmk if anyone wants to be tagged for part three! Anyways I hope you enjoy it! (this series will probably only be three parts, maybe.)

Summary: Pepper attempts to fix Tony’s 10 years worth of mess in the form of his parenting.

Theme: Angst and eventual father/son fluff :)

Pairings: Son!Reader x Father!Tony Stark, Son!Reader x Mother!Pepper

Warnings: Swearing, depictions of poor self esteem, and parent guilt

Words: 1,094

Part One

Part Three

—————————

Pepper’s POV

Y/N has yet to appear out of his room, and if I wasn’t already worried—in which, I was— I definitely am now. I’ve noticed he’s eaten less, talking less—sticking to simple gestures and short phrases unless evoked. Like he was last night. I try to understand why Tony’s being so hard on him, a reason other than his own upbringing, but I always come up with a blank slate. I’ve tried time and time again to express how his parenting can be and is harmful. Tony is so stubborn that no matter how hard I push for a softer parenting method on his part, he just won’t budge. He’s so set in his ways that he sees no other way, and by doing that, he’s almost worse than his father. He’s setting his son up for failure.

“Hey, baby?” I call as I gently knock on Y/N’s door. All I get in response is a small hum, nearly soft enough to be inaudible, but I manage to hear it. “Can I come in?”

A few moments pass and as I’m about to knock again, the lock clicks followed by Y/N swiftly opening the door. Facing me, he gives a small smile, a weak smile. “Is everything okay?” He mumbles, almost defeated. I can practically hear my heart snapping in two at the sound of his voice.

“I wanted to check on you. Last night I didn’t because I wanted you to have your space. I know how it can feel when your dad is like that.” I smile towards him, opening my arms to offer a hug. He wraps his arms around me, sighing.

“He can be,” I cut him off, already knowing what he’s going to say.

“Absolutely aggravating?” I laugh, placing a quick kiss on his head, letting him go for him to sit on the side of his bed. I follow him, sitting next to him.

“You read my mind.” He breathes out, finally shining his iconic grin. He looks so much like his dad, and he hates it. Tony fucked up horribly. He messed up his own son, made the kid dislike him so much, he holds the same feelings towards himself. Because he sees his dad in himself. Not only is he angry with his father, but himself as well. The two intertwine. I want to fix this, I need to fix this. Everything Tony’s messed up needs to be mended, and if I have to, I’ll do it myself. “I’m okay, you don’t need to worry about me.” He assures, so quick to say it, that it’s like he read my mind. Do i look worried?

“I haven’t stopped worrying about you, I worry because I care. And I want you to know that your dad loves you, I know-“ I try explaining to him, to begin the process of mending this entire situation but before I can even think of the next thing to say, he cuts me off.

“Does he? He never acts like it, he acts like i’m some inconvenience too bothersome to rid himself of.” He spits harshly, venom dripping from his words. This is worse than I thought. This isn’t something I can fix anymore. “You care about me, you love me, you are my mom. He’s just some man that claims he’s my father, and i know how ridiculous that sounds but it’s what it feels like. Like there’s no true tie between him and I. That the only way him and I are father and son is a four letter word at the end of my name.”

“Darling I understand-“ I try yet again to reason with him but he cuts me short, standing up to wave his hands in the air, frustrated.

“Do you understand? Or do you just pretend to? Hm? Well what is it?” The more he speaks the more his anger seems to build, his face turning red as his feet begin to tap on the floor.

“You know I understand. I always have.” I try to remain calm, keeping my voice even in hopes he’ll follow and calm down himself. A minimal effort calming tactic. It fails as his face knits in frustration.

“Please go, Mom.” He gestures towards the door and I’m nearly tempted to tell him no, to get him to listen to me. But that’s what Tony would do. So I listen, walk out and give him the space he asked for. I walk down the hall, my eyes still on his door, awaiting the angry slam of the door. I suppose I overestimated him as he gently closes it, locking it in the same movement.

“He..hates me?” Tony’s voice cracks, my head spinning to face him. I hadn’t seen him until just know, I assume he’s been here long enough to hear at least half of the previous conversation but yet I still ask;

“How long have you been there?” His eyes soften into a saddened expression, his mouth slightly agape. I can practically smell the sarcastic comment he wants to blurt out but he holds himself back, sticking with the short reply.

“Long enough.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. His gaze focused behind me, at what I assume is our son’s door. His gaze is steady, doesn’t falter. As he stares, his lip quivers and then he shakes his head, as if that will rid him of any negative feelings, one’s I know he’s feeling.

“Dear, he doesn’t hate you, he’s just upset. You need to talk to him.” I reach my hand out for his, he gazes down upon my offer, then wraps his hand around mine. I gently squeeze his hand, trying to comfort him. Why am I always the one to comfort?

“I messed up, didn’t I?” His eyes begin to water— he’s crying. Nodding my head slightly, I pull him into a hug.

“You did. This is your mess, Tony. I tried helping but this is something I can’t fix. This is a mess I can’t clean up.” I pull away from him, looking him in the eyes. Being sure to convey every bit of sternness I can muster through my gaze.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles, stepping aside from me, eyes locked on Y/N’s door.

“I’m not the one you should be saying that to.” I pat his shoulder, leaving him in the hallway, standing there and staring.

This is going to be one hell of a night. And I’m not sure I want to be here for it.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Whats about Malleus that made you dislike him? Just curious.

I’ve mentioned some of these points before, but just so they’re all in one place, I’ll repeat those. (There are main story spoilers ahead!)

Please bear in mind that these are just my opinions; it’s fine if you think differently than me, just please respect my right to dislike a character, as I am respecting your right to like them.

The most minor complaint I have is how he looks. Malleus is drawn and modeled prettily, much like the other characters, but I’m not a fan of his design (especially the haircut) or his color scheme itself. They’re just not to my personal tastes. His dorm uniform, school uniform, and PE uniform are the worst offenders, as they all match in colors (neon green and black), so they all muddle together and make him look not all that distinctive. At least with other students that have similar colors as their clothes, their eyes are an accent color (Riddle, Ruggie, etc.) or their hair is a shade that is distinctive enough from their clothes (Sebek, Azul, etc.). I understand that black is considered a noble and important color for the Draconias and that the neon green is supposed to reference Maleficient’s own colors and fire, but... I still don’t like either color.

I dislike the tropes that are typically associated with Malleus so, by proxy, I dislike Malleus. I prefer the “looks harmless, could kill you” types more than the “looks like he could kill you, is actually soft on the inside” types or the “looks like he could kill you, can actually kill you” types,. The whole “befriending a lonely, monstrous prince” thing isn’t appealing to me either. Those types of characters naturally lend themselves to another trope, the “I can fix him” trope, which is another one I have never cared for. I’m here to make you worse, not better 😤 Because of the type of character Malleus is, I don’t find the “cute” things he does to be endearing either, I just see them as “okay, he did a thing” or “I guess he’s experiencing it for the first time, so good for him”.

I say this semi-jokingly, but I seem to have “anti main guy” syndrome. Like I mentioned before, I’m super not into the dorm leaders, I much prefer the vices. The same extends to other forms of media. For some reason, I almost never gravitate toward the most marketed characters... I always seem to like the “helper” type characters or very minor/side characters like the mob students or like... Najma 😂 I can’t really explain why, but it’s probably because I like seeing how they support or hold up the main cast, or how they operate on the sidelines when the attention is not on them.

I understand why Malleus acts the way he does, but I can’t personally empathize with his brand of loneliness. I’m sure that I’ve also been lonely at times, but I’ve never been lonely because I’m so powerful, important, and scary that others avoid me or forget my existence altogether. That’s why I say I can’t empathize with Malleus’s “brand”. Loneliness and fear of loving my loved ones in general, sure, I can definitely relate to that. Malleus’s general circumstances though, I can’t.

I don’t like how much Malleus and Yuu’s friendship is “pushed” or tried to be sold to me (both in the main story canon and within the fandom). I feel like it is disproportionate to how much time we actually get to see and interact with him in the game. I know they’re probably feeding us tidbits now to build for the tragedy of book 7 (which might have Yuu and Malleus’s friendship come into play), but... I don’t know. I can’t get immersed in the sections where we hang out with Malleus because realistically, if I’m meant to self insert as Yuu, I would never call him a friend. I’ve spent too little time with this random guy that just walks by my dorm at night to really know what he’s truly like. And the fact that Malleus just goes along with it because it amuses him to see a human that’s naive enough to not know what he is... It gives me weird vibes, and I’m not for it. I also dislike how some (NOT all) Malleus fans act as if he is “end game”, “canon”, or the only viable romantic option for us. It feels like I’m constantly being pressured into relationships I didn’t ask for nor want.

Malleus just bores me. To me, that’s the worse thing a character can be: boring. Fiction exists to entertain and amuse, right? Yet every time I have to read Malleus’s lines, I don’t feel anything. I’m not saying his reactions should be over-the-top, but I’d like it if they could get a small chuckle out of me every now and again. Even with other calm, composed or quiet characters, at least I can get a kick out of them trying to contain the rowdier characters. The same doesn’t hold true for me for Malleus. He is powerful, he can fix any problem with the snap of his fingers or just by chastising Sebek the troublemaker. It seems like nothing can faze him because of how elevated his status and power is, and so his reactions to things are so... blunted and not fun to read.

Going off of my last point, the stakes are low, almost nonexistent. I will acknowledge that sometimes I do like overpowered characters, but only when they are given interesting and unique backstories or personalities which at least help to offset how much power they have. However, I find the discrepancy between Malleus and his peers to be too vast (like, he’s one of THE top 5 strongest magicians not in just NRC but in the WORLD), and without any apparent drawbacks or restrictions on his power (that we know of yet), Malleus is in ZERO apparent danger and I find it annoying that people keep acting like he is (looking at you, Sebek even if I generally like Sebek) when he’s just fine on his own. I know he’ll always come out on top because he can easily take others down, I know what the outcome will be. It’s not enjoyable if I can see the ending coming from a mile away, it’s not enjoyable if I know the character will suffer no consequences from their actions. This may change in book 7 (since we are all expecting Malleus to OB and to learn more about his weaknesses then), but that doesn’t excuse all the other content (vignettes, events) where he is just overpowered as hell and “they’re just building up hype for the main story” doesn’t hold as much water.

[babymetaldoll]

Stargazing (Spencer Reid/Reader)

Requested: No, but I needed some hardcore fluff

Summary: The team is “forced” to go camping, and Spencer finally decides to make “his move” on Reader.

Pairing: Spencer Reid/ Reader

Category: Hardcore fluff

Warnings: Zero

Word count: 3,2K

Masterlist

-

-

It was the first time the BAU didn't argue Strauss's decision. She had walked into the conference room and explained to the team that the FBI had decided each department had to do a workshop related to teamwork and trust.

- "You will spend this weekend camping together. You will be part of a Team-Building Training Workshop"- Strauss wasn't excited about the idea of her best team wasting a whole weekend. But she was glad her department didn't have to do the activity. She hated camping.

- "Are you telling me we have to spend our weekend in sleeping bags, singing kumbaya?"- Rossi raised an eyebrow and looked at Erin, and she didn't move a muscle- "I'm out."

- "David, I'm not asking you if you want to do it. The whole team has to be part of this activity, that includes you."

- "Come on, Rossi,"- Prentiss smiled and tried to cheer him up- "It will be a nice change from catching serial killers for a weekend.

- "Really, Emily?"- Rossi crossed his arms on his chest and looked at Reid- "Hey, kid. How many dead bodies are found each year in the woods in the country?"

- "Over 2.543 last year,"- Spencer answered. And didn't stop talking, of course- "We can not be sure they were all serial killer related cases. The most common ways to die in the woods are drowning, car accident, and suicide."

- "Suicide it is."- David whispered. He knew it was going to be a long weekend.

Even when he wasn't a person who loved camping and outdoor activities, Spencer was excited to spend the weekend with the team, especially with (Y/N). His teammate, best friend, and secret crush. Ok, it wasn't really a secret.

Of course, everybody knew about Spencer's feelings. He never successfully hid them from the team. You didn't need to be a profiler to notice each time (Y/N) walked into a room, Reid's eyes would follow her, and his cheeks blushed. When they sat together in the jet, Spencer would always be too self-aware of his own movements. He would try not to move, especially when she had fallen asleep, resting her head on his shoulder. And when they were working on a case together, he would always cover her on the field, and he would make sure she was safe, even when the unsub was already caught.

He loved her. Even a blind man could see. Except for (Y/N), of course. Because according to her own words: "There's no way Spencer Reid is in love with me. He would never look at me that way. He is perfect, and I'm a mess. He deserves the perfect genius girl."

-

- "Ok, Romeo, this weekend is the perfect opportunity for you to make your move"- Derek and Reid were alone in the SUV on their way to the retreat.

- "Sure. Because there's no better time to make a fool out of myself than in front of all my friends in the middle of nowhere."

- "What's with the attitude, pretty Ricky? Relax"- Morgan frowned and put on some music, singing along for a moment. Reid looked at him and raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh.

- "Ok man, picture this: you, your pretty lady, in the middle of the night, gazing at the stars together, alone in the middle of the forest. The full moon is the only light."

- "Who are you? since when are you a romance expert?"

- "Hey! I can be romantic!"

- "I've seen you get girls only by raising an eyebrow"- Reid argued, and he was right. It had happened once, but that was another completely different story.

- "What I'm trying to tell you is that you have the perfect chance to tell her how you feel during this trip"- Spencer was about to start debating that idea when Derek continued.

- "And stop saying she has no feeling for you!"

Reid bit his tongue and looked at the road. Neither of them said a word for the next couple of minutes. Until Spencer whispered

- "But she doesn't"

- "She does!!"- Derek nearly yelled

- "Why are you so sure?!"

- "Because she told Penelope she is in love with you!!"

The silence in the car was as intense as the red in Spencer's cheeks. Derek knew he shouldn't have said that, but he was tired of seeing his best friend's sad eyes each time he stared at (Y/N). Someone had to do something, and he knew neither of them would make the first move.

- "Are you sure?"- Reid's mouth was hanging open- "I mean, maybe she was joking."

- "No, she was honest. So please, this weekend, make your freaking move."

-

How could Spencer ever make his move? He had no idea. He didn't even have a "move"! But something inside of him felt a little more confident now.

That didn't show on the outside at all, 'cos during the whole day, he was more clumsy than ever. He dropped his coffee. He failed the first two attempts to set up his tent and nearly fell carrying logs for the fire.

He wanted to dig a hole and hid.

But (Y/N) didn't notice any of that. Not because she didn't pay attention, but because she was oblivious to any of those things. She just couldn't stop staring: He was wearing jeans. Spencer Walter Reid was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. (Y/N) thought she was going to have a heart attack when he got out of the car.

Sure, yes, she had seen him outside work in a more casual outfit, but nothing prepared her for Spencer's camping clothing. It suited him too well for his own good.

- "Hello? Anybody there?"- Prentiss waved at (Y/N). She and JJ stood in front of her, trying to catch her attention.

- "Jesus! you look like a schoolgirl today!"- JJ teased her, laughing- "Can you be more obvious?"

- "What are you talking about?"- (Y/N) tried to look all innocent and continued setting the logs for the campfire.

- "If Spencer wasn't so clueless about your feelings, I swear you two would be already married,"- Emily joked and helped (Y/N) with the logs. The young SSA just shook her head and tried to keep her eyes from Reid for as long as she could. She successfully did it for five minutes. That day's record.

- "(Y/N), hey"- he stood by her side, and she quickly stood up.

- "Hey, how are you doing?"

- "Good... you?"- she just nodded and smiled. She really was acting like a schoolgirl in front of Spencer- "Great... hey, I thought maybe tonight you would like to do some stargazing with me..."- Emily and JJ heard him and nearly squealed. They tried to look away, but it was impossible. They needed to know what was happening. Where was García? she was going to be so mad she missed that.

- "Yeah! I'm sure tonight we can see way more stars than on your building's roof like last time."

(Y/N) answered, smiling, thinking there was nothing more romantic than being underneath a starry sky, listening to Spencer talking about constellations.

- "Ok, kids,"- Rossi's voice stepping out of his huge camper interrupted them and forced everybody to turn around- "Let's do this trust thing we are forced to do before it's lunchtime. Maybe we can manage to go home early."

-

Of course, they weren't. The whole team had to work as a unit to fulfill a series of activities an expert team the FBI had hired forced them to do. Aaron thought it was unnecessary, considering they worked on the field together, and they trusted each other with their lives all the time. But he was also sure his team needed a break, and everybody could use some fresh air.

- "Great work, team"- Hotch hugged everybody and smiled when the whole activity was done- "I think we've earned a nice dinner."

- "Please don't tell me we have to hunt our food"- Penelope wide opened her eyes suddenly and looked at Hotch- "I can eat blueberries."

- "Don't worry, kids"- Rossi shook his head and pointed to his camper- "Anyone in the mood for a nice steak?"

- "I bought marshmallows for the campfire later,"- (Y/N) said and smiled- "You are never too old for some s'more."

- "Scary stories by the fire eating s'mores? I'm ten years old again"- JJ looked excited- "I need to do this with Henry."

- "Just don't tell him your��"I'm scared of the woods because I found the camp director dead" story." - Derek said, smiling.

- "You freaked out!"- JJ chuckled, remembering how she had scared her friends a few years earlier while working on a case in the woods.

- "I need to hear that story!"- Emily said- "I bet it's no better than mine, I'm sure."

- "Battle of horror stories?"- (Y/N) smiled evilly- "You two have nothing on me."

-

The evening was fun and a little terrifying. Garcia was holding Derek's arm so tight it was starting to feel numb. Rossi and Hotch had told a couple of stories that left the team completely frightened, to be fair. Especially Spencer. He had forgotten an essential part of his plan: nights in the woods are dark as pitch. And he was afraid of the dark. How would he successfully take (Y/N) to a nice spot, sit down and stare at the stars with her if he was too scared to move from the fire?

(Y/N) looked at Reid and sighed. Maybe he had regretted it. Of course, he hasn't forgotten his invitation, 'cos Spencer remembered everything. Still, he hadn't made any move or sign to go stargazing. Being alone with him in the dark was scary but in the right way. Maybe she could finally tell him how she felt. No, no way. That wasn't going to happen.

- "Ok, so... it's late, and we are out of wine"- Rossi stood up and looked at the team- "I am ready to go to my comfy bed"- the rest of the team groaned. They were going to spend the night in a tent, probably freezing, while Rossi was going to be in his warm camper.

- "I'm going to sleep too, we have trekking in the morning, and it's going to be a long walk. I suggest you all go to bed early."- Hotch stood up and waved at the team, to then walk to his tent."

- "Sweet chocolate thunder, is there room in your tent for me?"- Penelope asked, and he chuckled immediately

- "Are you still scared of the stories? they are just made up things people create to terrify us."

- "I know. But I'm also scared of bears, psycho killers, and slender man"- Morgan looked at her, raising an eyebrow. She wasn't joking.

- "Bring your sleeping bag."

- "You are my hero. I love you."

Prentiss and JJ went to bed soon after, leaving the two love birds alone.

- "Stargazing?"- Reid whispered, and (Y/N) nodded- "We should find a darker stop... or we can stay here by the fire if you like."

- "Are we going to get a nice view here?"- (Y/N) looked at the stars and tried to see anything.

- "No, it has to be darker,"- Spencer whispered, taking a look around- "There was a nice spot by the cliff, that way."

- "I don't think walking to a cliff in the middle of the night is a good idea"- (Y/N) smiled, and Reid shook his head

- "You are right..."

- "But we can walk carefully and carry a flashlight,"- she added and smiled, looking at him. His brown curls moved with the wind, and his chocolate eyes were brighter than the sparks of fire next to them.

- "That sounds good."

Spencer stood still for a second. He had a blanket in one hand and a bag of marshmallows in the other. (Y/N) put on her scarf and jacket and stared at him.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah."

He wasn't. He was trying to calm himself down, thinking that walking in the middle of the dark was worthy because it meant spending time alone with (Y/N).

He kept telling himself he didn't have to worry because nothing was going to happen. He wished he had his gun with him in case of any danger, though. Maybe that could make him feel better.

- "You can't kill darkness, stupid"- he whispered to himself and sighed. (Y/N) walked a step closer and took the marshmallow bag. Then, she held his hand.

- "Let's go?"

That was all Spencer needed. He was ready.

- "Did you know astronomy is the oldest of the sciences?- Reid whispered as they walked hand in hand to a nice clear spot - "Ancient astronomers were able to differentiate between stars and planets, as stars remain relatively fixed over the centuries while planets will move an appreciable amount during a comparatively short time."

- "And when did you start learning about the stars?"- Spencer loved that. How each time he started rambling, she wouldn't get annoyed like the rest of the people he knew. Instead, she would always ask him something related to the subject. And it was usually something personal. She wanted to learn more about him and how he had ended up being such an amazing human being.

- "When I was four, mom started taking me regularly to the library. That was when I started to learn more about science. I could pick ten books each time we were there, and I decided I wanted to know everything I could about everything I loved."

Spencer confessed and smiled, looking at her. His heart was warm with their conversations. He was never comfortable talking about his personal life, especially about his childhood. But with (Y/N), it all came naturally.

- "How often did she take you?"

- "Every other day"- she chuckled and remembered the pictures Diana had shown her of Spencer when he was a little kid last time they visited her. He was adorable, with his glasses and his messy hair. It was impossible not to imagine having a family with him.

- "This is it... this is a good spot."- Spencer said and stopped walking. He moved a log and tapped on it, smiling at (Y/N). She sat with him, and he wrapped them together with the blanket.

- "So, what am I staring at?"- (Y/N) asked and kept her eyes on the starry sky. It seemed she had never seen so many stars. And they even looked closer. Spencer looked at her, and his heart skipped a beat. He was about to start a lecture on astronomy, but instead, he decided to do "his move." Or the move he could think of. He didn't really know if it was a move, but he was going to give it a shot anyway.

- "Most stargazers learn about constellations looking for different noticeable patterns across the sky"- he made a pause clearing his throat. That was it. He was going to do it.

- "That's how it all started,"- he continued- "Some of these noticeable patterns up there are still the same ones our ancestors noticed while sitting around a campfire telling stories like we did today."

- "Telling stories about the stars sounds a lot less creepy, though" - (Y/N) whispered, and the two of them smiled- "Wanna tell me a story about these stars?"

There was no way Spencer could say not to her puppy eyes.

- "Ok... let's see..."- Reid sighed and thought for a moment, looking at the constellations above them- "Do you see those stars over there that look like a cute bunny?"

- "Which ones?"- Spencer pointed at the sky, and (Y/N) nodded- "I see them"

- "Well, you'll see, there was a comet in love with the bunny, but it could only look at her from a safe distance."- Spencer finally confessed. (Y/N) held her breath for a second and tried not to get her hopes high.

- "Why?"

- "Well, the comet was afraid he wasn't good enough for the bunny"- Spencer was whispering, and his soft voice sent shivers to (Y/N)'s body- "So he stared at his favorite constellation every day and only imagined what it would feel like to hold her in his arms."

- "And the bunny never saw the comet?"- (Y/N) asked softly, while very, very slowly, she moved her hand and reached Spencer's.

- "The bunny thought the comet just wanted to be her friend because he was scared to tell her how he felt,"

(Y/N) kept thinking there was no way on earth Spencer was telling her how he felt about her with that adorable story. Was he? Really? 'cos it was too romantic, and if he wasn't and she was wrong... it would be heartbreaking. But, there was only one way to find out.

- "I think the bunny felt the same, but she thought she wasn't good enough for the comet"- Spencer's heart raced at those words, and he turned to look at (Y/N). She blushed and stared at him with a shy smile.

- "Why would the bunny ever think that?"

- "The comet is too brilliant and too amazing to settle for a simple constellation when he could have the sun."

(Y/N) was embarrassed to confess those feelings, but it was now or never.

- "But the bunny is the sun in the comet's life."- Spencer whispered and caressed her cheek with his thumb carefully.

- "Really?"- her voice was so soft, it melted Spencer completely. He couldn't answer. All he could do was to lean in slowly and kissed her as gently as he could, enjoying the sensation of her lips against his. He cupped her face with both hands and moved a little closer.

It was the sweetest kiss he had ever given. It wasn't just because (Y/N)'s lips tasted like marshmallow, but because it was filled with pure love. He could feel it, even when he still couldn't believe it. She loved him. She really did.

(Y/N) was sure that wasn't really happening. She had probably fallen down the cliff earlier and was now unconscious or dead, living a fantasy. There was no way Spencer Reid was kissing her.

When they slowly moved and looked at each other, neither of them knew what to say. So (Y/N) did what she always dreamed of doing and leaned in and kissed him again. Spencer didn't hesitate and wrapped his arms around her waist, moving her closer to him. Her hands played shyly with some of the curls of his hair, and they simply kissed for what seemed to be forever, even when it wasn't enough time for them. Spencer felt he could kiss her his whole life, and he still wouldn't get enough of her.

- "So..."- (Y/N) whispered after some minutes and looked at Spencer, blushing- "Do you think the comet and the bunny could... maybe try to be more than friends?"

He smiled and kissed her again, rubbing her lips carefully with his; (Y/N) sighed into the kiss.

- "The comet is willing to do anything the bunny asks him because he just wants to make her happy all day, every day."

(Y/N) couldn't speak. She could only kiss him again and again.

- "Bunny just wants her comet to be happy too."

- "Then would Bunny be the comet's girlfriend?"- she giggled and nodded- "Good, because I don't think I could ever live without your kisses ever again, Bunny."

- "Neither do I, Comet"

And after that, stargazing was forgotten. There were enough stars in their kisses to keep the two of them lost in their own new universe. 

[marauderundercover]

Taking Chances Ch. 1: Adopted

AO3 @maribat-bdbwm

Adopted. Adopted. Adopted. Adopted. The word runs on a loop through Marinette’s head as her world crumbles around her. She was adopted.

“What? Maman, I don’t, I don’t understand.” Marinette says, her voice cracking as she tries to act like this isn’t bothering her. Like she doesn’t feel as though her entire world is changing.

“Marinette, sweetheart, just take a breath. That’s it, breathe in...and out. Very good.” Her maman says, holding her hands as she breathes with her slowly. Marinette swallows thickly, trying hard to ignore the way her hands shake in her maman’s.

“Maman, why didn’t you tell me?” She asks, confusion and self doubt swirling in her mind. Why was she adopted? Did her birth parents not want her? Could they not take care of her? Was she a mistake? Did they hate her? Did her maman hate her now? Is that why she’s telling her? Is she going to be kicked out? Is she going to have to leave Paris? What if-

“Marinette?” Her maman’s soft voice pulls her out of her thoughts. Marinette frowns when she realizes that she has tears running down her face.

“I-I’m sorry.” She says, pulling her hands away to furiously wipe at her tears, trying hard to ignore the sympathetic look her papa keeps giving her.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Marinette. Are you feeling up to an explanation? Or would you rather not talk about this?” She asks, her face covered in worry.

“I wanna talk about it.” Marinette says quickly, before slapping her hands over her mouth. She didn’t mean to say that. What if that’s not right? What if what her maman has to say is just going to hurt more? What if-

“Okay. It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m sorry we waited so long to tell you.” Her maman apologizes, scooting closer to wrap an arm around Marinette’s shoulders. Her papa wraps an arm around both of them, his presence calming Marinette enough so that she can think a little more clearly.

“Why did you wait? Why now?” She asks, still confused why she decided to break the news today of all days.

“We were going to wait until you were sixteen. Let you be at an age where you would understand it a little more, understand that being adopted isn’t wrong. And that you didn’t do anything wrong.” She explains, rubbing her shoulder gently.

“But then, why now?” Marinette asks, frustration starting to build. Why say they were going to wait and then not actually wait? Why would they-

“Mme. Mendeleiev called. You’re starting a unit on genetics and biology, and she knew that you were adopted. She just-” She sighs, frowning. “She didn’t want you to be blind sided or caught off guard in class if things didn’t add up.”

“But why does she know?” Marinette asks with a frown.

“Because we were both friends with your birth mother.”

--- Walking into class, Marinette tries hard to avoid the worried glance from Mme. Mendeleiev. All of the information from yesterday swirling through her head; her maman was friends with Mme. Mendeleiev. They were both friends with her birth mother, Bridgette Le. Her birth mother didn’t just give her up, she did want her, her maman had reassured her repeatedly. But she had died. And Marinette had almost died as well. And her parents? Didn’t hate her now. They didn’t love her any less, they reassured her of that several times before Marinette asked to be excused to go to bed. Tikki had had to watch for akumas most of the night. Breathing shakily, Marinette sits and immediately starts doodling on her notebook, hoping that no one else will put two and two together once their genetics unit starts. Hoping that no one will know or ask her. About adoption. --- It was two weeks after Marinette found out that she was adopted that she decided to talk to her maman about it again. After ranting to Tikki for several nights and spending time thinking about it, she had slowly started to accept it. It didn’t mean her parents loved her any less. It didn’t mean that she was any different or anything. It just meant that she had two more parents. A birth mother who had apparently wanted what was best for her, naming Sabine Cheng as her godmother even before Marinette was born. And a birth father. A man that Marinette was determined to talk to her maman about. Surely the woman would know something about him, given her close friendship with her birth mother.

“Hey Maman.” Marinette says, walking into the kitchen and sitting at the counter. Her maman smiles brightly at her as she continues to fill the dumplings.

“Hello sweetheart. How’s your commission for Jagged going?” She asks, her face filled with pride. Marinette grins and nods.

“It’s amazing. The shape of the suit is much different than anything else I’ve made before, but I think it’s going to look really cool!” Marinette says, a wide smile on her face before she remembers the whole reason she came into the kitchen. She clears her throat. “Maman, could I ask you something?”

“Of course Marinette.” She says, closing and filling dumplings before placing them in the steamer.

“When we talked about my...adoption. You didn’t say anything about my birth father. Did you know him too?” Marinette asks, staring down the counter to avoid looking at her maman.

“I didn’t know him very well, I’ll be honest. Bridgette met him when she went to the US for a year. I’m not sure what happened, but she did write a letter for him. I have it in the lock box though, she didn’t put an address on it and I wasn’t sure where to send it.” She explains and Marinette frowns at the lack of information.

“Does he- did he even know about me?” She asks.

“I’m not sure. Bridgette didn’t talk about him much. All she really said was that the town wasn’t fond of her and she didn’t want you to grow up in that environment, said it was terribly dreary. And that he was obsessed with his work. He worked for some big company, but I’m not sure if he still does. ” Her maman adds and Marinette nods.

“Is that all?” She asks, trying not to show her disappointment.

“Let me grab the letter. I can’t remember his name, but it should be in there.” She says, turning and washing her hands before walking away to get the letter. Marinette lets out a long breath, hoping that she isn’t making a mistake by looking for this information. --- Bruce Wayne. That was apparently the name of her birth father who lived somewhere in the US. Her maman was right about that. The letter didn’t have an address and Bridgette hadn’t put anything specific about the location. Besides her birth father’s name, the letter was a dead end. How generic could a name be? Bruce Wayne. It was like finding out her father’s name was Thomas Williams or John Smith or something. There must be thousands of Bruce Waynes in the US. Walking into Mme. Bustier’s class, Marinette trudges to her desk in the very back and drops down into her seat. Dropping her head onto her desk, she barely notices Adrien walk in.

“You okay, Mari?” He asks, frowning as he takes the seat next to her.

“I got a name.” She mumbles into the desk, knowing the boy would understand. She turns her head so that she can glance at him, frowning at the wide smile that takes over his face.

“Really? That’s great!” He says and she huffs.

“Not really. It was the most generic name ever, and the letter that Bridgette wrote didn’t have a location or anything.”

“Why do you want to talk to him so badly?” Adrien asks and Marinette sits up, frowning.

“I don’t know, I just-” She sighs. “I guess I just want the chance to meet him. Maman’s told me so many stories of Bridgette since I found out, and I’ve loved getting to know little things that we have in common. I just want to know if I have anything in common with him.”

“If you really want to meet him, I’ll do everything I can to help you find him.” Adrien says. Marinette looks at him, relief and gratitude coating her face.

“Really? You’d do that for me?” She asks, hope and faith that this could actually work rushing over her. Adrien nods, gifting her a small smile.

“Of course, Mari.” He says. Marinette opens her mouth to thank him again, when Mme. Bustier barges into the classroom.

“Students! Listen up, I have an amazing announcement!” She cheers, clapping her hands together. Marinette looks at the woman wearily, unsure of what the woman could be so excited about. She’d had a meeting with the woman earlier to talk about the end of year trip. They hadn’t talked about much, just the budget and trips that they could feasibly do. Marinette had also shot down some of the woman’s….less than ideal options. Seriously, who thought a trip to Gotham was a good idea? Even Marinette, with her lack of knowledge about the world’s big names and celebrities, knew that Gotham wasn’t a great place. It was quite literally crawling with villains, and unlike Paris, there was no Miraculous Cure to fix everything. Marinette blinked as the class suddenly erupted with cheers.

“What happened?” She asks Adrien, zoning back into the situation around her.

“We’re apparently going to Gotham for our end of year trip.” Adrien mutters, clearly not thrilled with the turn of events. Marinette nods, then freezes as the words register. Well shit. --- Marinette huffs as she rushes into the empty hotel lobby. Key word: empty. Well, okay it wasn’t completely empty, but it definitely didn’t have the entire class (and teacher!) that it was supposed to have. Instead it just had a tired looking concierge and a bowl of bruised apples. Fantastic. Grumbling under her breath, Marinette pulls out the itinerary that she had been forced to create for this trip she was forced to be on. She wasn’t trying to be dramatic, but between Hawkmoth and all of her responsibilities as Ladybug, going to a city like Gotham was the last thing that she wanted to do. Its villains, or Rogues as they preferred to be called, seemed to have no fear. At least Hawkmoth was smart enough to hide behind his goons. Gotham’s rogues had no such qualm, and instead ran around to personally cause mayhem. Glancing down at the itinerary, Marinette suppresses a groan. The entire class left early. Of course they did. Whatever, she still had plenty of time to get to their scheduled tour time at the Gotham City Museum of Modern Art. It had been Alix’ suggestion, as the girl’s father was friends with someone who had helped in its most recent street art exhibit.

“Marinette!” A small voice yells. Marinette glances down at her purse and raises an eyebrow at the concerned look on her kwami’s face.

“What?” She whispers back.

“You’re not really going to walk by yourself in Gotham, are you?” Tikki asks, her eyes wide with concern.

“I’ll be fine, Tikki. And I plan on getting a cab.” Marinette says, giving her purse a reassuring pat before walking out into the dreary mist outside. Hailing a cab with surprising ease, Marinette tells the driver her destination and sits back, watching the gargoyles and architecture stream past. She’d have to sketch something later, because a million ideas for a Gotham inspired line was floating through her head. When the cab stops, Marinette smiles and thanks the man, handing him the fare and a tip.

“No problem, Miss Wayne.” The driver says, tipping his cap before zipping away from the museum. Miss Wayne? As in her father? Marinette shakes that thought away almost as quickly as it appears. What are the odds that she’d be in the same city as her birth father? Must’ve mistaken me with someone else, Marinette thought to herself, almost as if she was reassuring herself that there was no chance of seeing her birth father. No chance of someone seeing her and saying, “oh, are you Bruce’s girl? You sure do have his nose”. No chance of the man himself running into her and seeing a perfect blend of himself and Bridgette and- No. No need to panic about this right now. Pushing the thoughts away, Marinette rushes into the museum and nearly runs over Adrien.

“Mari! Are you okay? Where were you? I didn’t see you in the lobby so I got on the bus to look for you and you weren’t there and then I tried to get off to find you and-” Marinette cuts Adrien’s rambling off with a tight hug to reassure him that she’s there. She’s there and she’s safe.

“I’m okay, I promise. I got a cab surprisingly easily.” Marinette reassures him, mumbling into his chest. He freezes momentarily before returning the tight hug.

“Marinette! Now that you’re here we can start the tour. The tour guide suggested we start in the Comedians Hall of Fame and then loop around and end at the new graffiti display.” Mme. Bustier announces, clapping her hands excitedly. Marinette pulls away from Adrien, blushing slightly as he squeezes her once more before fully letting her go. Wandering through the Comedians Hall of Fame, Marinette’s eyes dance over the exhibits. She wasn’t necessarily passionate or inspired by this section of the museum, but it was still interesting. A big bang made Marinette spin around and frantically look for the exits. The uncontrollable laughter started seconds later. Shit.

“Welcome, welcome to MY hall! Except someone apparently forgot my picture. No worries though, I’m sure we can add one with all of your smiling faces in it as well.” A voice echoes in the hall. Marinette’s blood instantly freezes. The Joker. In a room. With her class. Oh my God, someone is going to die.

“What’re you doing?” Adrien hisses out. Marinette blinks and realizes she had unconciously taken a fighting pose. She was so used to protecting the class as Ladybug against Akumas, she just immediately fell back into the role. She straightens immediately, but it’s too late.

“Ah, a brave little girl. Who do we have here?” Joker asks, and the sickening realization that he’s holding a gun washes over her. There would be no Miraculous Cure. No Lucky Charm. Marinette grits her teeth and stares at the man’s yellow teeth stretched into an unnatural smile.

“Marinette.” She says, leaving out her last name. No need for her parents to panic because her name is trending at the site of a villain attack. Assuming nothing goes wrong and the heroes show up and she doesn’t die by the hands of the Joker. Not that that would be traumatic, or anything.

“What, no last name? Or did you think I wouldn’t recognize you?” Joker asks, pushing her hair out of her face with his gun. Marinette sees Adrien’s fists clench out of the corner of her eye, a wave of determination running through her. She needed to keep Joker distracted so that he wouldn’t notice Adrien and try to hurt Adrien. Since obviously, as an Agreste, he was a much better hostage than the daughter of bakers. Well, and the biological daughter of some random American man who doesn’t even know she exists.

“It’s Cheng.” She retorts, dropping her father’s last name off in a desperate attempt for her full name to stay off the internet.

“Is it? Are you sure? Because if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re a new Wayne. Much smaller than the others, and a girl is different, but maybe Brucie’s just changing his type.” Joker taunts and Marinette’s head spins. Wayne? It can’t possibly be her birth father...Wayne must be a much more common name in the US than she originally thought and maybe even though she hadn’t even thought about contacting him yet or trying to find him, maybe it would be much harder than she could’ve ever thought because it’s such a common name and he probably has no idea that she wants to even try and find him and there’s probably no chance that he even wants to meet her and-

“Are you even listening to me?” Joker’s annoyed voice cuts off her internal spiral. Marinette quirks up an eyebrow and shakes her head.

“No, not really.” She says, eyes widening and face instantly turning red as she realizes that this was not the kind of villain she could smartmouth like she did Akumas as Ladybug. She’s not even Ladybug right now.

“You’re odd. Maybe you’ll be even more useful than I thought.” Joker says after a moment of tense silence. Marinette glances around the room, noticing how the goons that came in with Joker were more focused on Joker’s weird reaction to Marinette than the other hostages. Making eye contact with Adrien, Marinette has a silent conversation, hoping that he’s suddenly become a mind reader and will start getting people out of the room while the bad guys are distracted.

“I doubt that. I’m failing science.” Marinette says matter-of-factly. It was true, though she wasn’t usually this bad at science. But it was really hard for her to focus on genetics and biology with everything else going on. So her parents didn’t really blame her either, though it did dissapoint Mme. Mendeleiev.

“You’re kind of a smart ass, aren’t you?” Joker taunts, haphazardly waving the gun around.

“It’s um, one of my better qualities.” Marinette stumbles over her words as the gun stops waving to once again point at her face. Joker smirks, his face suddenly darkening as a crash echoes throughout the room. Marinette pales as she watches Joker turn and shoot through the wall next to the door that Lila was currently walking through. Lila yelps and drops to the ground, and for the first time ever, Marinette is certain her tears are real.

“I see what you were trying to do, Frenchie. You were trying to get my hostages out of here. But why? Why would you play hero like that? What would YOU get out of that?” Joker taunts, moving the gun so that it’s pointed right at Marinette’s face again. This time, Marinette could feel the heat radiating from the end of the gun. From the gun being shot at the wall. Near a classmate. Granted it was Lila, but it was still someone she knew. Someone she couldn’t save with the Miraculous Cure because this would be it. The smoke filling the room pulls Marinette’s attention from the gun in front of her, and instead to the hulking figures that suddenly entered the room. Four people, three of them tall but one of those three towering over everyone else in the room. Marinette blinks as her eyes attempt to adjust and she sucks in a breath in shock. Batman. Batman and Nightwing and Red Hood and Red Robin. Of course she knew the vigilantes here, she had done extensive research on anything to do with the hero scene in Gotham. Mostly to keep herself and the class safe in case of an attack, which now that she thinks about it is actually impossible to plan for. Marinette’s feet seem frozen to the ground as she glances around at the bodies hitting the floor. She couldn’t see clearly, but she was almost certain that they were the goons that had arrived with Joker.

“Oh come on, I was just trying to greet this lovely young lady. Say Batsy, don’t ya think she looks like she could fit with the other Wayne brats?” Joker taunts as Batman closes in on them. Joker had shifted her so that she was pressed up against his chest, the gun now situatated at her temple. Batman stops several feet in front of them, a clear grimace on his face.

“Let the girl go, Joker.” He demands in a gruff voice. Marinette inhales sharply as Joker tightens his hold on her.

“I don’t think so, Bats. See, I need this one to guarantee that I get outta here without taking a trip back to my cell. So how about instead, I’ll take her on a little trip and leave her somewhere you can find her later.” Joker offers.

“I don’t think you’re in any place to attempt negotiations.” Batman replies, his face an unwavering mask.

“And why is that?” Joker asks, and Marinette can hear the wide smile in his voice, though she can’t currently see his face.

“‘Cause you’re the asshole who didn’t bother to focus on the rest of us.” A gruff voice from behind taunts. Joker sputters in shock, but seconds later his arms loosen and Marinette dashes towards Batman, glancing back in time to see the man collapse to the ground.

“Is he?” Marinette asks, unsure how to feel about watching a potential death. Even if the man was horrible, he hadn’t killed her or any of her friends so she couldn’t wish him dead. No matter how much it would help her sleep tonight.

“No.” Batman says. Marinette nods before turning her attention to the head of the Batfamily. A wide smile spreads across her face and she extends her hand for him to shake.

“Well then, thank you for saving me, Monsieur. I’m Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

Next

[kindestegg]

Deltarune Theory: Ralsei is a guide for the script

It feels crazy that Deltarune Chapter 2 has only been out for like, what, two weeks? As of the time I’m writing this, and yet, there has already been so much secret hunting and speculation over this. Not even the full game, and people already go crazy over it. Naturally, I am part of this craze. In fact I was one of the people that played it as soon as it dropped.

And, I thought it was only me, but, at least for a little while, Ralsei’s behavior struck me as… odd. Not outwardly malicious, but just… odd. Particularly the first bit of the game, it was just so… happy and convenient? And Ralsei was at the center of it all, orchestrating it, making sure everything happened accordingly.

Eventually, that initial feeling of distrust went away, but… not quite. And it seems a lot of people began to feel the same way, pointing out bits about Ralsei that are just… out of place. Things that didn’t seem to stand out in the first chapter, are now popping out about him.

Questions include:

How does he know about what’s outside the Dark World, about the school?

How does he know about the game mechanics and call them out by names?

Why is he so interested in keeping the balance between only Kris acting and him and Susie doing magic?

Why does he seem so eager to dismiss what happened with Spamton NEO?

Why doesn’t he turn into stone or even get weak at any point during the time he spends in Cyber World?

Are the parts of his name and design connecting to the Dreemurr’s intentional, and if so, what does that mean for his relation to Kris?

How and why does he take player control away to look at what Susie is doing? Why must he wait until Kris is willing to do it? What does he tell them when he succeeds in this?

Now, I don’t intend to pose here ��a supreme theory to rule them all”, I’m just a guy having fun and I’ve seen people voice particularly similar ideas to this one I’ve had, so I want to at least try to answer these questions through a relatively simple idea that would, almost entirely, immediately answer ALMOST all the doubts.

First, let’s start with some steps to build up this idea. For one, we know for a fact that Ralsei holds knowledge over game mechanics and may even break the fourth wall at times.

But we also know that Ralsei’s design resembles a lot of characters from Undertale we know and were fond of. For one, he can be likened to Toriel in the sense that he is the one to give you the first tutorial of the game and his clothes resemble her original outfit as well. Another connection, much more common, that people have made is that he is like Asriel, no doubt due to his name being an anagram, but also due to the fact he is also a cute young goat.

I would like to do a complete turn around here though, and say I do not think any of this points to Ralsei being related to Kris in the familial sense, for more than one reason, but my main one being that I don’t think Toby would be as frankly disgusting as to imply such a thing when there is so so much teasing in the direction of Ralsei possibly having a crush on Kris. I mean… really, Toby?

You know, I’m not too sure this would be the smartest idea, Mr. Fox, but alright.

However, I do think all these hints in his design and name have a purpose. And it has to do with how us, the fandom, see these two characters. For one, they are very beloved characters, and Toriel is one that we associate with her tutorials and guidance, whereas Asriel is one that people have yearned to see more in action. They are back, in a sense, but not present in our adventures so far.

What I’m getting at is that Ralsei is specifically designed to be the darling of the fandom. He is made to be loved, to be trusted, to cause feelings in us that make us want to protect him and accept his advice. This, in a way, also affects the in-universe characters who see him, as Susie put it: “as a big portable teddy bear”, whose job is “giving hugs”.

And I don’t just mean this in a character design way, like “oh wow Toby was so smart to make a perfectly marketable boy!” No. I think Ralsei exists as a meta element, his form being a direct manifestation of what we want to see.

He looks like that because he wants us to see him and lower our guard and expect his guidance. Remember how his form was shadowy and vague throughout all of chapter 1 until the very end of it and how he poofs into nothing but a pile of clothes in both chapters so far, no matter what form he’s in? What if he’s a shapeshifter? What if Ralsei isn’t even his real name? That certainly would explain why he says he doesn’t know what being Ralsei-like is like.

Ralsei? Ralsei? Oh God he’s gone.

Now, do I think he’s lowering our guard in the sense of leaving us vulnerable for an attack? Not exactly. I think it's so we learn to accept him…

Accept that he is a GUIDE for the game’s script. His entire existence hinges on guiding the main characters, specially Kris, throughout the story, and making sure the whole story, all seven chapters, play out exactly as planned.

You see, Ralsei isn’t evil. His goal is pretty simple, actually: guide us, the player, throughout the game, making us feel as safe and happy and secure. In that sense, of course he pushes so hard towards the pacifist route. After all, that’s the one that’s closer to a completionist route, as the sparing + recruiting mechanic adds more characters to your town, and therefore more content. He wants you to see all this content and get the most enjoyment out of it. His code urges him to bring you the best experience possible.

This would also answer why he does that thing with taking our control away from Kris and to watch Susie’s shenanigans. Because it’s satisfying to us. Notice how stressed out and pushy he gets in the alternate route when Susie comes out of Noelle’s room without being able to let us see what happened. He knows he messed up, something went wrong. He was supposed to let us see, so that we wouldn’t be bored, because God forbid the players be bored.

Just imagine this going through his head.

He also seems to genuinely care about Kris and Susie, and with good reason, as he knows these are the protagonists, and he is supposed to care for their well being too and ensure they reach their goal. I do think, however, there is a good amount of being genuine in his care, as he has no reason to react so boldly sometimes to either of them, showing outrage or affection in pretty telling ways. He isn’t heartless despite carrying out this job.

However it is also worth noting, for all his care, he cannot do the one thing that Kris would desire the most: free them from our grasp. And that is his ultimate failure towards them, and may end up creating conflict later on in the game.

From, here, there are two possible pathways:

Ralsei does not know about the dilemma Kris is going through, and believes Kris is entirely oblivious and passive towards being in a video game. He may even end up being the final boss to fight, as he desperately tries to keep everything on rails while Kris very much does not care for any of that.

Ralsei is entirely aware of what’s going on with Kris, after all, everything in a game’s design is planned, even the cutscenes, therefore even Kris’ struggles. Ralsei knows of the fate that lies ahead, that Kris will eventually be free, how it all ends. But to get there… is still a road ahead.

I think Ralsei’s affection towards Kris will definitely be explored in the later chapters. Not just because of the teasing we’ve been getting, but, if Ralsei really is a guide of the game’s code and script, what would that mean for him to get so attached towards the character the player is controlling?

Ralsei will have to make a choice. He will either recognize Kris is suffering and cannot wait any longer, or be faced with possibly having to fight them himself. This is why those two pathways matter as well. If he doesn’t know, his choice will come later and it will be an unpleasant surprise for him to find out the game universe is breaking apart around him with the self awareness of certain characters. If he does know, however, his choice is NOW, and waiting for the inevitable will be torture.

Just how long until he breaks? Or will he keep the facade until the very last chapter?

Like I said, I don’t intend this theory to be the biggest, most revealing and coherent theory. But… It could add a very interesting layer to Ralsei’s character, as well as answer many questions posed beforehand. He knows the school layout and game controls because he is part of the code. He can get to the other Dark World’s easily and remain unharmed because the game demands him to be. He looks like this so that we love him. He wants to give us the most fulfilling Castle Town so that we will love the game. He doesn’t protest even when Kris does things like try to give him the thorn ring, because to him, everything will be okay anyway. Everything he is, is for us. He isn’t evil or malicious per se, he just opposes Kris’ biggest need.

But he may have gotten himself attached. And that may be a clue to sparing him if he does become a final boss.

But! Tell me what you thought of this theory! Do you think it’s way too weird and farfetched, or do you think it’s possible that it could happen? Or maybe you agree with some stuff but not with other stuff? Go ahead and tell me!

[avengers-x-reader]

admittance

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

description: bucky has been having nightmares recently. all you want to do is help him, but it’s hard when he denies the fact that he’s having these nightmares in the first place. 

word count: 1.8k

warnings: brief language, mentions of nightmares & violence, some angst i guess??

a/n: this is set before the events of TFATWS - bucky is speaking to a therapist, but the events with the flag smashers and all that jazz have not yet occurred. 

Does he really think I don’t know what he’s doing? you think to yourself as you make your way through the apartment you shared with Bucky. The clock on the oven shows a bright green “3:28am,” and you sigh with the realization of how little sleep you’d been getting recently. You know that Bucky’s been getting even less sleep, though, and the thought makes your heart clench in pity. 

Well, maybe pity isn’t the right word. Pity gives a connotation of weakness and sorrow on behalf of the weak. You knew for a fact that Bucky Barnes was not weak. After everything he’s gone through in his life, and after everything he’s done to try and make amends with the people he’s hurt, you considered him to be the strongest person you’ve ever met. However, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness and compassion over your boyfriend’s struggle to sleep as he forced himself to come face-to-face with the acts of violence he’d committed in his past. 

For the past few weeks, Bucky had been transitioning to sleeping on the living room floor whenever he was kept awake due to nightmares. He never flat-out admitted that nightmares were the cause of his sleepless nights, but after putting together the puzzle pieces of his sweat-soaked sheets, his tossing and turning, and his reluctance to talk about why he’d been sneaking out of your room most nights, you were able to figure it out for yourself. 

You pass the island in the kitchen and smile sadly when you see Bucky sleeping, curled up on floor just as you’d suspected he’d be. At least he’s getting some sleep, you think, but this relief is short-lived and it disappears when he begins to thrash around. 

“Honey?” you call out softly, not wanting to startle him awake. You know that Bucky is a bit disoriented when he first wakes up, especially after he’s had a nightmare, and you don’t want to make his transition to the real world any more jarring than it had to be for him. 

Your soft voice did nothing to wake him up or stop his thrashing, so you bend down to his level and try again. “Bucky, babe, please wake up.”

Your hand resting gently on his shoulder is what eventually does the trick. His eyes open harshly, and he sits up as he attempts to gasp for breath. 

“There you are,” you whisper with a smile, but tears start to build in your eyes as you think of how much pain Bucky must be in. He’s still trying to catch his breath as he looks frantically around the room before settling his gaze on you. 

“I’m sorry, doll,” he whispers, rubbing his eyes. “Did I wake you?”

You choose your words carefully. He didn’t know that you knew about his nightmares, and you didn’t want to ask him about them if he wasn’t ready to talk about them. “Not at all. I got thirsty and came out for a drink, and wanted to know what you were doing on the floor all by yourself.” 

Bucky gives a short, unamused laugh and shakes his head before replying, “I just couldn’t sleep.” 

“Got it,” you nod. Your hand has been rubbing slow circles on his back in an attempt to slow down his breathing, and slowly but surely, his breaths have been calming down as you sat next to each other. “You’ve been sleeping out here a lot recently,” you continue softly. 

“Well what do you want me to do about that?” he asks louder than you’d been talking before. He pushes himself to his feet and begins pacing the room. “I come out here so that I don’t wake you up and you’re mad. If I stayed in our room and kept you awake with me, I’m sure you’d be mad then, too. So what would you like for me to do?”

You didn’t reply for a good minute or so. You stare at him for a while, trying to figure out where this sudden outburst was coming from. You didn’t take it personally, but you still didn’t appreciate him lashing out on you when you were just trying to understand what was going on in his head. Finally, you reply, “I just want to be there for you.” This causes Bucky to stop his pacing and stare at you, but you continue, “I know you’ve been having nightmares, and I know you’re trying to keep me in the dark about them, but I don’t know why.”

“I-I’m not-” Bucky tries to interrupt, but you cut him off. “Yes, you are. I can tell. Now you don’t have to talk to me about them if you don’t want to, and you don’t even have to come back to our room to sleep at night if being with me is causing more of an issue, but don’t sit here and lie to my face about something as obvious as this. It’s insulting.” 

You recognize that you’re being a bit harsh, but you wanted to get through to Bucky that you know about his nightmares, and you want to help him through them as much as you could - however you could. 

Bucky walks towards where you’re still sitting on the floor and holds his hands out as an invitation to help you stand. You accept, grunting a bit as you’re pulled swiftly to your feet. He says nothing as he keeps your hand in his and leads the two of you back to the bedroom. Your confusion must be showing on your face, because he looks back at you and says softly, “It’s not you that’s the issue.” 

“Then what is?” you ask, still allowing Bucky to lead you to the bed. The two of you lay down under the covers as you await his response. “James,” you continue with a just-as-quiet, but sterner tone of voice. 

Bucky bites his lip and looks away with a sad smile. “It’s me,” he says simply. “I’m the issue,” he carries on before you can ask any questions. 

“That’s the biggest pile of bull shit I’ve heard in my entire life,” you scoff, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s body. He usually feels so much bigger than you, but in this moment, he may as well be half your size. He folds in on himself, and you can tell from the way his shoulders are shaking that he’s crying. 

“I’m trying to make amends,” he begins to explain through his tears. “I’m trying to act better, do better, be a better person, but it’s so hard when I’m reminded over and over again about how fucked up I used to be.” 

“You’re doing your best,” you try to comfort him, but this seems to just make things worse as he turns away from you and shakes his head. 

“Then I must be a pretty terrible person,” Bucky says dryly, “because apparently even my best isn’t good enough.”

Your heart sinks. Did someone tell him he wasn’t good enough? You know he’s been working with Dr. Raynor on making amends...she’s always seemed a bit harsh, from what Bucky’s told you about her. Did she say something about him not trying hard enough?

“Who told you that?” you finally ask. 

“Nobody had to tell me. I just know,” he replies, keeping his back turned away from you. 

You consider how you should respond for a few minutes. You don’t want to let him sit in this self-deprecating mindset, but you also know that you won’t be able to convince him otherwise when he’s so convinced already that he’s not doing enough to make amends. Finally, you say, “Bucky, look at me.”

He makes no effort to turn around and face you, so you say, “James Buchanan Barnes, turn your handsome face around and look at me.” He eventually complies and his lips are turned slightly upward into a smile, but his eyes are still glossy. “You can’t fix everything all at once,” you go on to say. “I know you want to be able to, and I know it’s hard knowing how many amends you need to make and the mental energy it takes to make these amends, but you have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself.”

“But if I don’t put this pressure on myself, I may never get it all done,” Bucky argues, squeezing his eyes shut and keeping them closed for a few moments. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

Your heart clenches, and you sigh heavily. “You’re right,” you admit. “I don’t know what it’s like. But that’s why I want you to talk to me about how you’re feeling, and admit when you need help, because otherwise I’m in the dark here. And you know I’m scared of the dark,” you smile sadly. 

Bucky doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, but when he finally does, it says it with the clearest tone you’ve heard from him all night. “I love you so much.”

Aaaaand here come the waterworks, you think to yourself. “Oh honey, I love you too,” you reply, holding him tightly so that he couldn’t see the way tears had immediately sprung into your eyes. “I just want to help. I’m sorry if I’m being pushy or invasive, I just don’t want you suffering alone with these nightmares and this pressure of being ‘good enough’.”

“I know,” Bucky says. “You’re not being invasive...you’re being a good girlfriend and a good person. That’s part of what I love about you so much - your selflessness and your intense need to just...help people.”

You nod into his chest, hoping your tears weren’t dampening his bare skin. “Just let me know how I can help you. I’ll do anything.”

Bucky thinks on this for a moment before saying, “You’re right, ya’ know...about the nightmares. That’s what’s been keeping me awake these past few weeks...and I know that you know you’re right, I just feel like I have to admit it to you so that I can try and move on from them myself.” 

You pull away from his chest, not caring anymore if he could see you crying. He knows you well enough at this point to probably assume you were crying, anyways. “Whatever you need to admit out loud...whatever you need to talk about. I’m here,” you assert with a strong voice. “I’m here,” you repeat quieter, moving your hand up to cup his cheek. 

“You’re here,” Bucky whispers with a smile, nuzzling into your palm. His eyes flutter shut, and you hope he’s attempting to get some more sleep. 

You aren’t naive enough to think that you can get rid of Bucky’s nightmares, but you and him both know that you’ll be there to talk them through with him when they occur next time - whenever that may be.  

thank you for reading - i hope you enjoyed!! requests are open and welcome :)

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Interviews - Henry Cavill x wife/actress reader

Summary: You and Henry have been married for a couple years now, and when you’re both part of the Witcher cast, fun interviews are to be had.

Warning: nothing but a good time, btw I’ve never written anything like this so I hope it’s good enough that I might feel motivated to write more

-Readers Witcher character is loosely based off my Geralt fic from here (just a little self promotion), but in this case you play a full vampire in this Witcher universe

The days have been long and grueling, filming hours upon hours of stunts and regular acting had taken its toll. Not to mention the countless times in hair and make up paired with costume changes and traveling to film on certain locations.

To say being apart of Netflix’s The Witcher was full of tiring days and some accidental bruises would be a huge understatement. But none of that mattered, nor did you bother to complain when through the thick and thin of it all did you have Henry with you along the way. And your favorite big slobbery bear, Kal whenever he was allowed on set.

Fortunately for you in the beginning of all the craziness, the casting and writers had wanted you specifically for the part of Y/C/N in the new series before Henry even auditioned for the role of Geralt, that was soon given to him after you accepted your fresh role of vampiric heroine.

It was ironically strange in a good way, you had watched your dork of a husband play the Witcher: Wild Hunt a few times before, eventually learning of what Geralt of Rivia was, who Y/C/N was in the story, who Yennefer and Ciri were, Tris and even Jaskier.

Who would have thought that you’d finally get to snag a role side by side with Henry in quite literally one of the most fantastic shows you’ve ever heard of. You didn’t even need to see the show yet to know how well it was most likely to be reviewed. Being a key character in the grand storyline was enough to convince you of how amazing it would most certainly turn out in the finished product.

And after all was said and done, you couldn’t believe how well loved and popular the show truly became in the following months after shooting and its eventual release onto Netflix. The after parties and cast celebrations truly made you blessedly grateful for pulling through to the vary end.

Then again you had your mans Henry by your side every step of the way. He was your rock and you were most definitely his. You know life on set would have been far less entertaining and dreadfully long if not for the lovely company of your dear Witcher, Henry. And so far after the fact, you and a good portion of the cast have been placed in random interviews for the majority of the day.

Reason being, The Witcher has at long last finally premiered and as per usual the people and media live for those cast interviews that always reveal some interesting events. So far this morning you’ve done some interviews with Anya that have gone perfectly fine since the two of you seem to click so well.

Also it helps ease the anxiety of your fellow newer cast mates to the world of continuous interviews with an experienced veteran actor like yourself, who’s gone round the ring more times then you can count. Though you can’t help but wonder how Henry’s doing, considering you’ve been separated since the sessions began at 10am, you’ve had lunch and now it’s about 1 in the afternoon with more hours to go.

Luckily for you, you’ve just been informed of another interview with the man of the hour himself. Saying your goodbyes and well wishes to your fellow cast mates, you stand and follow the guide into the advised place. Aka some really nice hotel room that’s been done up real nice for efficient interviewing, complete with the Witcher insignia on a large background poster and three chairs that happen to look rather comfy.

The camera and sound people nod in acknowledgment as you walk in, you nod back no doubt making their day with your friendliness and adorable smile that quite literally lights up a room. Soon you spot the bubbly yet nervous interviewee who instantly welcomes you into her space like you’re an old friend.

You sit, a bit confused as to where your partner happens to be at the moment, the interviewer, Lauren makes small talk before a door opens and her big bright doe eyes go wide in nervous excitement. A telling smile upon her face as she shifts in her chair before looking back to you again with a happy grin.

Henry says a quick hello to the behind the scenes crew before waving to Lauren, you smirk while watching him get comfortable next to you, “Well, well, well. Get lost on your way up, you know they have guides for a reason.” You tease as he chuckles at your humorous jab, relieved to see you again after a couple hours apart.

��Traffic.” He quips with a shrug.

“Uh huh.” You mutter with a shake of your head before drawing your attention back to Laura, “Can’t take him anywhere I swear, he does this all the time.”

She laughs as Henry pretends to gasp at your teasing, you chuckle along with them before she finally collects herself, “Well, welcome back to London. It’s fantastic to have you both in town once again, and your big beautiful faces all over Leicester Square.”

You both laugh, “Right.” Says Henry, “I guess we do look pretty cool.”

“Hell yeah, I mean where else can I see myself with a giant sword on a building? And anyways look at this beautiful mug,” You say gently squeezing Henry’s cheeks in your hand, “he’s literally killing it out there.” They laugh as you give Hen another playful squeeze before letting go and setting your arm against the chairs cushioned armrest. 

“Alight let’s start.” She says enthusiastically before glancing down at her cards then back up to you and Henry. Then into one of the two the cameras, “Hi I’m Lauren from Entertainment Weekly and today we’re here with the two stars of Netflix’s The Witcher.” She says enthusiastically while giving a nod to you two, indicating that the camera is now focused on you both, “Henry Cavill and Y/N Cavill.”

You both smile in acknowledgment as Henry gives a slight nod, “How you doing?”

“I’m great,” She beams, “So, I’ll get right into it, what do you like most about the story? What really drew you into the script that made you say, yes this is going to be awesome?”

Slapping a hand against Henry’s muscular leg, you hum, “I’ll let Hen take this one he’s a real expert on the linguistics of the whole show.”

“Thanks Y/N/N.” Replies Henry, bemused that you’re making him take the first question.

You nod to him knowingly with a smirk, “Of course.” Knowing how much he loves to talk about the show and also because you’d rather have him use his energy to talk about it then do that yourself. Priorities, right, though in your defense it’s been a long day.

“Well I absolutely love the games and the books themselves are phenomenal works of literature.” He explains, his face glowing with that usual glimmer of excitement in his eyes, “The story and the world of the Witcher is just so rich and full of potential that when I signed on for the show, I immediately knew it would be amazing, no doubt.”

You lean into the arm of you chair, “And of course I was there so that’s always a bonus.”

“That too.” He smiles adorably, “That too of course.”

Lauren smiles, “Great. So, what was it like working together, how was it having your characters interact with one another?”

You smile, setting a hand against Henry’s forearm, “This guy right here.” You deadpan before waving him off dramatically, “So annoying, my god he whined all the time and he was such a drama queen dear lord so ugh....” You start cackling before you can even finish the sentence causing Henry to loose it as well and with that the interviewer.

Shaking your head you rest your hand against his shoulder, “I joke, he was a gem to work with as usual...I mean I feel incredibly blessed to be able to act alongside my husband for months and months every single day. It’s a rarity in this line of work and I’m grateful to have shared this experience...and I guess more so this whole adventure with him as well.”

The interviewer aww’s as Henry tilts his head to lean into your hand that’s still resting atop his shoulder before pulling away just as quickly, the intimate sentiment not going unnoticed by you or Lauren who looks to be enjoying your loving yet calm energy with one another. “That’s so sweet, what about you Henry?”

“Oh yes absolutely,” Agrees Henry to your recent statement, “not only did I have her by my side through it all but the dynamic of our characters interacting together was so fun to shoot. I think the audience will really be able to see their relationship grow on screen into something strong and beautiful like in the books.”

Slow clapping you give him a curt nod of approval, “Well said.”

Lauren smirks, “Seems like it. Well, I was able to catch the premier yesterday and I gotta say...it was fantastic! I couldn’t believe how diffident the two of you looked from how you are now.” She gushes enthusiastically.

The corners of Henry’s lips curl into a proud smile for the fellow crew of the Witcher’s, “Oh that’s great then, honestly we gotta give all the props to the costume and makeup team, they’re so talented and know how to make us look like real badasses.” He adds.

You nod in agreement before grinning at a positive memory of your first interaction with Henry as Geralt, “Oh for sure, I remember during the early stages of production when our characters met each other for the first time, before this we came to set together but went separate ways to shoot our own stuff in the meantime so I never got a real look at him.” You recall with a bright smile as Henry watches your every move, beaming just the same.

“It was so funny, I was in the tent with Freya Allen, the wonderful girl who plays Ciri, and then suddenly her eyes got all big and nervous and I was like, that’s not me right? Something weird didn’t just happen with my costume? And then I turned around to find this man, wig on, face a mess, and his eyes looked so fearsome and different...it was a bit startling.” You say with a chuckle, “I clearly wasn’t expecting to see Geralt right then and there. He just looked so unlike Henry.”

“Yeah, I was almost hurt.” Laughs Henry, “She had to like squint and make sure it was me.”

Rolling your eyes, you shrug, “He had some real creepy looking colored contacts, yunno?”

Henry fake scoffs, “You’re one to talk, I mean when I first say her, Y/N’s eyes were red and she had fake blood spattered all over her face and shirt. Oh, and not to mention those fangs they put on your teeth...we probably traumatized poor Freya that day.”

“Oh shit you’re right!” You exclaim with a snort of concealed laughter, “God I completely forgot about how I looked...now since I think about it, I did that a lot too. I would just walk up to people and be completely oblivious as to what kind of nightmare I looked like, honestly I might have scared one of our producers a couple of times.” You add with a half nervous laugh, it’s true, you did scare some of the crew unintentionally. Most of the time.

Lauren lightly chuckles, “That sounds like you were quite the sight to see then.” She says before glancing back down at her notes, “Alright I have’ta ask, is there anything that you two took home with you from set?”

“Besides Henry every night,” He holds back a laugh while covering his mouth as you nonchalantly continue, “Uh, yes actually I got to take home Y/C/N’s wolf ring that I loved so much and just thought was the coolist thing ever and....uh, I might have stolen some socks too.”

“So that’s why after filming the amount of socks of yours I had to fold increased?” Wonders Henry with a surprised snort of realization.

Turning your head to give him a “no shit” kinda look, you look back at Lauren, pointing your thumb at Henry, “Master sleuth right here, but hey, he folds my laundry.”

“Aw that’s great.” Adds Lauren with a smile before turning her attention to Henry, “What about you Henry? Take anything from set?”

“More then Y/N did actually...”

“He just about took the whole makeup trailer most nights, I swear.”

Henry chuckles, “That. Is true.” He agrees with a nod, “Interesting enough, at home I’ve got Geralt’s armor hung up in our living room and a multitude of other nicknacks that I’ve collected during filming.” He adds, glancing over to you, “So uh, yeah, we were fairly lucky to be able to snag what we could.”

Lauren smiles, absentmindedly shuffling her cards, “That’s awesome to have such special memorabilia, you guys really are fortunate.” She adds before reading off from another card, “Alright you two, care to play a game called guess the image? Witcher style.”

Your face perks up at this, you’re a sucker for interview games and Henry knows it, “Are you reading my mind or something, I have been waiting all day for someone to ask about playing a game.” You gush rather enthusiastically. 

He smiles at your adorableness and how excited you’ve just become, Lauren grins, happy that her suggestion has been so well received, “Okay so how it works is, I’ll show you an image on my iPad and then you have to guess who or what I’m showing you.”

“Oh, cool I’ve heard of this,” You reply, turning to Henry with a smirk, “Loser has to clean Kal’s yard poop for a week.”

Rolling his gorgeous blue eyes he chuckles, “You’re on.”

“Alright, the stakes are high, you two ready?” Beams Lauren, holding her iPad to her chest as she awaits an answer.

“Yes, I’m ready to kick his ass.” You quip, leaning an arm against your chair while Henry does about the same, though he does his best to contain his laughter.

“Okay, first image.” She holds up the device to show some sort of weird golden thing, it’s shiny and hard, worst part is that you’re not entirely sure what the hell it could be.

Sensing your confusion Henry nudges your shoulder, though you ignore it before he smartly answers, “Oh, is that...Renfri’s brooch?” Little shit knows exactly what that is, of course he does.

Lauren claps, “Correct.” Zooming out of the image to show the full picture of the golden brooch, “Right on, that’s one point for Mr. Cavill.”

You scoff playfully, “Beginners luck.” While Henry side eyes you with a humorous grin upon his plush lips, he nudges your arm, “I’m going to really enjoy not cleaning up Kal’s grass turds for awhile.” He mutters lightheartedly, though you know deep down he’s being serious, no way is he going to win this, you think. You won’t have it, hopefully the next few pictures aren’t as difficult, Kal duty is not fun by any means.

“Shut up.” You grumble with a dismissive wave of your hand, though just teasing of course.

“Okay next image.” This time the blurred photo looks much more familiar, soon it clicks as to what the obscured blurriness actually is, yes!

“Got it! Anya’s er I guess Yennefer’s dress from the fight at Sodden.” Lauren giggles, zooming the image out to reveal Yennefer in her tasseled blue and purple dress from the battle at Sodden Hill. “I’m amazing I know.” You boast at Henry with a casual little bow in your seat.

“It’s the second question.” He deadpans, eyes crinkling in amusement as you shake your head at him.

“Pffff get outta here.” You mutter back, gently pushing his arm off of your chairs armrest and setting yours in its place while he gives you a fake shocked expression.

In turn you can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of your lips, so instead of saying some sassy remark that would no doubt get a reaction out of him, you turn your attention back over to Lauren who’s looking over her notes again.

“Fantastic,” She says, glancing back up at you and Henry, “you’re both tied with one point each. Alright, anyone know what this is?” She asks showing something red and fuzzy, a bit of dirty skin showing from one corner but with The Witcher this bloody image could literally be anything.

The both of you squint, puzzled as to what this could be, “Y/N you got any ideas.” Wonders Henry, brows furrowed as his face contorts into deep concentrated thought.

Raising a brow, you hum, “If I knew I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Fair point.” He chuckles.

Lauren smiles, “Any guesses?”

 After a few concentrated moments, Henry shrugs in defeat,  “I’m stumped.” He admits as you study the image harder, mind racing to put the pieces together as to what the hell you’re looking at.

“No, I think I might know this....erm is it...me?” You wonder, voice raising in question, hoping to be correct about this or face the teasing of Henry.

Lauren quickly zooms out of the obscured image, “It is!” She says excitedly, revealing the picture of you from your characters debut in episode 2 where you save a girl from a werewolf, your mouth is covered in blood and so is most of your costumes chest area and left arm from the struggle. Not to mention the make-up teams fun 20 minutes of throwing fake sticky blood all over you to get the right look for the taxing scene.

You grimace a bit, “Oh god that was quite the day on set,” You recall with a half smile, “I was doing stunts all day covered in that red syrupy dye, I think it took a week to get out of my skin.”

Henry suddenly snorts with laughter, “Right! That reminds me, I thought Kal had gotten cut or something, it was just Y/N who had hugged him not realizing she still had some fake blood on her arm.”

“Jeez that’s right, I felt so bad, but I couldn’t stop laughing once we realized it was just me.”

Lauren grins, excited to hear some hidden information about little things that happens behind the scenes, “Oh wow that must have been a sight, alright Henry, Y/N’s taken the lead with a two to one score.” She says as you playfully nudge his strong shoulder. “Second to last image, what is this?”

Without missing a single beat Henry replies, “Jaskier.”

Squinting at the image you lean closer to the iPad, “How the hell do you see Jaskier?”

Smiling the interviewer zooms out to reveal the bards full outfit from the banquet scene, though he’s in the background of a fight between Geralt and some Cintran knights. “Right on!” She exclaims as you lean back into your seat dumbfounded, shoulder flush against Henry’s as he clutches your arm and squeezes it affectionately.

Ignoring his silent show of victory you shrug, “And they say he’s just another pretty face,” Earning a laugh from Lauren and some of the crew as you smirk at the camera, face them shifting to apologetic, “also I’m so sorry Joey you beautiful bastard apparently I’m blind. Uh, we don’t have to dwell on it, Lauren whatcha got?”

“You guys are both tied with two points each, last chance to win.” She replies before glancing down at her iPad, “Alright, what is this?” She asks, her iPad showing that of fuzzy bright colors, with a small corner smear of dull white that clearly wouldn’t make much sense to the untrained eye.

Smirking you glance at a puzzled Henry before sitting up in your seat, feeling rather good about yourself, “Would that happen to be, Hen in Stregobor’s illusion?” You answer with, though sounding a bit as a question considering you aren’t entirely confident as to what image this is.

Lauren’s brows raise in surprise, “Henry, looks like we have a winner. Y/N you are correct.” She beams, enlarging the image to reveal Geralt’s side profile as he talks to the old wizard while the background stays colorful and shrouded in various arrays of sunlight..

Shaking your fist victoriously in the air you give a couple enthusiastic whoop whoops while Henry simply takes it like a champ, “Have fun cleaning up Karl’s monster turds, cause this lucky lady doesn’t have to.” You boast as Henry and the crew laugh.

“Well that was something,” Beams Lauren, “I’m so glad to have chatted for a bit about your guys’ amazing new series, and maybe ended a relationship in the process.” She says jokingly as both you and Henry chuckle.

Patting his thigh affectionately, you smirk, “He’s a tough old bear, but yeah, it was awesome having you talk to us.”

“Yes, take care now.” Adds Henry while the interviewer Lauren stands, saying her goodbyes as she goes to exit the room.

The camera crew take a small break to adjust things and whatnot as you and Henry wait patiently for the next interviewer. He turns, an adorable smile pulling at his lips while you pretend to ignore his fiery gaze. “Well that went pretty well, minus the fact that I’m on Kal poop duty for a week...but uh...” He leans in close to you now, “I missed you all morning.”

Breaking out into a smile you raise a brow, “Boring without me huh?”

“Always.”

You casually shrug, “I figured as much. Don’t worry, we have a hotel all to ourselves tonight.” Your brows wiggle suggestively causing your blue eyed lover to shake his head with amusement.

“Say it louder next time.” He jokes.

Side eyeing the oblivious crew you begin to speak a couple octaves louder, “Henry I can’t wait to fu..” Suddenly his hand presses against your mouth before you’re able to call any attention to yourself. He gives you a warning look before slowly pulling his hand from your mouth.

You grin mischievously, “I wasn’t gonna say that...”

“Sure Y/N,” He mutters in your ear as a new interviewer walks into the room and finds their chair, “and I’m wasn’t going to make you scream tonight.”

Your brows raise in surprise and admittedly slight arousal at his choice of wording in this room of all places. Eyeing him up, face still showing surprise, you finally break out into a satisfied smirk. “You know what? I think you should consider changing your offer.”

He thinks deeply for a moment, though you know he’s only pretending to get you riled up, “Hrmm...maybe, possibly, should I? Should we? You are my co-star after all, that wouldn’t be very professional now would it Y/N?” He states with a shit eating grin, all done while the crew and interviewer get ready, minding their business and completely unaware to yourself and Henry’s teasing.

Scoffing playfully you lightly swat his arm, “We are way past being professional.”

He chuckles, looking from you to the rest of the room, “Oh, they have no idea.”

[elysianslove]

character studies; haikyuu boys

requested by anon(s); character studies for haikyuu boys that had been requested for my 1k Event around a month back! sorry for making you bbys wait so long :(

characters; hoshiumi kōrai, kuroo tetsurō, kageyama tobio, daishō suguru, daichi sawamura, asahi azumane, miya atsumu, kita shinsuke, iwaizumi hajime

synopsis;

the character’s general personality 

the character’s general motivation 

the character’s motivation towards you 

the character’s love language 

the character’s preferred dates 

what kissing the character feels like

what being with the character feels like 

genre; fluff

warnings; just some curse words!

notes; if you’re interested in other characters, check out my masterlist! :) if you requested for a jujutsu kaisen character and i haven’t written for them yet, don’t worry, i will! 

HOSHIUMI KŌRAI 

hoshiumi’s general personality; there isn’t enough of this cutie honestly :( but honestly, the more i read of his personality and see of him in manga panels, the more i love him. i hope i can put this in words: hoshiumi is scarily skilled, in the sense that when you watch him, you’re not intimidated by him, but rather, in awe. you can visibly see all the effort he’d put into honing his skills whenever you watch him play. especially because he’s so quiet and concentrated during games, making him a completely different person on court. as a person, i see him as being extremely reliable and having a really strong, but quiet presence. so that when you’re around him, he doesn’t have to speak to let himself be known, you know? also! i remember him being really offended when an interviewer commented about how good of a player he is despite his height, and i honestly understand it. no matter what he does, he’s constantly being reduced to just his height, and how that influences everything, but there’s so much more to him than that. of course, his reasoning behind joining volleyball and becoming one of the best in japan is a little silly, but he is driven in general, and very determined. but i also don’t think he’s smug or overly confident or arrogant about his skills, even if he should because of the ladder he’d had to climb to get to where he is. he’s confident, of course, but he’s not annoyingly so. he won’t rub it in anyone’s face, because he has peace with it, in a way? like he himself is aware of it, so there’s no need to get that constant validation from others. like i said, him on court and him off court are two different people: so yes, he does love being showered in appreciation and attention, but for him, not for his volleyball self. he knows he’s good at volleyball, but appreciate him for more than that, for more than being so good despite being short; appreciate him for being caring, for being diligent and hard-working, for being a constant, reassuring and uplifting presence in everyone’s life. as i mention in the motivation section, i think hoshiumi is a very curious individual, in the sense that he’s always looking for adventure, always looking for something to catch his eye, snatch away his attention, to leave him in awe, to leave him breathless and exhilarated. i don’t think he’s an adrenaline junkie, after having said that, but i do think he’s in love with spontaneity. 

motivation; i think hoshiumi’s motivation is very simple, and it’s to better himself. to not have his inspiration and drive rely solely on to be a better version of his brother, to be better than his brother in general, but rather improve so that he can hone his own skills, so he can wow everyone around him, to be given the title of best spiker without a single comment on his height, to the best, regardless. to be the best just because he is the best. towards you, it would probably be his curiosity. like i mentioned above, i see him as really curious, so he watches you from afar, observes you, wondering how much more there is to you, wanting to learn more about you. he wants to learn of your interests and hobbies, whether they align with his or not, whether he can give you all you want or not. 

hoshiumi’s love language; physical touch and acts of service. despite what i initially thought, i don’t think he’d be too into pda. he won’t mind kissing you in front of others, of course, because there is a little part of him that’s incredibly smug about being your partner. but then again, he prefers things like holding onto your hand, or linking your pinkies together, or piggy back rides. he loves to constantly be helping you somehow, and also consecutively feed into his ego a lil, so he’ll constantly be carrying your things for you, helping you cook by cutting up vegetables, or handing you ingredients, or helping you renovate your room at three in the morning. he really likes the little things that build up to shape domesticity between the two of you, but loudly, you know? as in the love he has for you is well-known: he’ll proudly wear your scrunchie on his wrist, or let you do a little make up on him and walk around with it. he’d tattoo your name on his forehead if he could. 

hoshiumi’s preferred dates; the beach, hiking, theme parks, staying in and playing physically active games like twister, fast food drive throughs 

kissing hoshiumi; really playful, and a little giggly too. it’s not silly kissing, it’s serene, but it leaves you feeling all bubbly in the way he wraps his arms around your neck and pushes you to him like you’re the only one that matters in this world 

what being with hoshiumi feels like; baking with someone and making a mess with the ingredients, but you can’t stop laughing 

KUROO TETSURŌ

kuroo’s general personality; oh boy here we go. okay so we all know provocative, smug, cheeky kuroo, yeah? and i firmly believe that yes, that really a part of his personality. there is a part of him that really is like that. a person’s personality is never black and white, and that’s exactly the case with kuroo: there’s a lot to him. it’s not just that at first glance he seems intimidating and scarily attractive, he is. but i think there’s a reason for that, and in a way, it’s a coping mechanism. kuroo is, deep down, a huge dork, and a really big nerd. but like i said, there’s nothing wrong with being both that and a little bit of an asshole sometimes. it’s just that i think there’s a reason that other part of his personality developed, and it’s a way to protect himself, you know? i’m pretty sure it’s canon that kuroo’s parents didn’t entirely get along, and it’s really easy to feel alone in situations like that, so that really suave and attractive and charming part of him developed so that he can attract people to him, so that he can have this pulling effect on others. it makes you want to spend time with him, lose yourself to the hours with him. that doesn’t mean kuroo tries to hold back his nerdy side, or that he’s ashamed of his funnier, dorkier side. if anything, i think he’s pretty confident in both sides of him. because just as that ‘cool’ side of him is dazzling, the louder, cheekier side of him is pretty charming too. on a completely separate note, i think kuroo cares, oh he cares so much. his heart is too big, if i’m being honest. he wants his friends to succeed, wants to see them be their best, is always pushing them to be better. he means it, he really does. he won’t say it out loud, but if you need him, he’s staying up extra hours for you, getting you your favorite snacks, being extra touchy on a day he notices you’re upset. he’s very aware of everyone’s emotions around him, and that might be because of his parents too, in which he’s become really hyper aware of any telltale signs, you know? all that being said, pair him with bokuto and he’s a crackhead

motivation; i honestly think kuroo always puts people above himself. i can’t explain why, but i just know that he does. make sure my friends are okay, then i’ll check on myself. push my friends to do better, and then work on motivating myself. watch my friends succeed before i look at how far i’ve come. being so proud of his friends, before he realizes how proud he is of himself too. so, in turn, his motivation would be the people around him. he thrives on communication and socializing and having strong, close connections and relationships with people. that is his main motivation. in regards to you, it’s a little different. i mentioned in one of my headcanons for him that he’s really suave and cool around everyone except his crush, and i stand by that, honestly. the only way to rid himself of that nervousness and endless amount of butterflies in his stomach would be to confess to you, removing that weight off of him. also you’re like, really pretty lol

kuroo’s love language; very touchy, very, very touchy, so it’s definitely physical affection and physical touch, with possibly acts of service. acts of service in that he notices when you stay up late to help him practice, or his own willingness to stay with you as you power through an all-nighter, or just silently knowing right away what either of you need without having to speak. he loves, loves, loves pda. he will make out with you in public, he doesn’t care, nothing can stop him. likes to have his arm around you constantly, or does that stupid thing where he puts his hand in your back pocket, or approaching you from behind and and hugging you and kissing all over your neck even if you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone

kuroo’s preferred dates; literally anything they’re all fun with him. fancy dinners or diner visits, movie dates at the cinema or at home, arcade visits, walks at the park, the beach

kissing kuroo; oh it’s breathtaking. it’s always really passionate, and always has you gripping at his shirt at the way he forces your heart into your throat, or the way he has your stomach flipping at the small gasps he lets out when he kisses you open mouthed, which happens more often than not

what being with kuroo feels like; like hugging someone you haven’t seen in years, where your arms are thrown around them tightly and they hold you to them and your heart is about to burst from your chest 

KAGEYAMA TOBIO 

kageyama’s general personality; the most misunderstood character :( he is not just an angry boy >:( he is just really, really passionate, especially about volleyball, and he wants other people to try and share that passion with him. he’s just really bad at expressing his feelings, and communicating with other people. like all it is is that kageyama loves volleyball, and he takes it very seriously, and when other people don’t, he takes slight offense to that, because in his eyes it just seems after they’re discarding or mocking the sport. that annoyance translates wrong into anger, but the place it originates from really is just pure. have you seen how happy volleyball makes him? he’s not a bad person, not by a long shot. and his character development too! it wasn’t that he wasn’t willing to communicate, it was that people weren’t willing to try with him. they took him for what he seemed like, not what he truly is. when he joined karasuno, they allowed him space to properly express himself, and they introduced him to what became a family to him. he learned to trust, learned to communicate. he’s not a bad person!! he’s just!!! a kid!!! he learns, slowly but surely, and he changes, for the better. okay but, completely different thing to mention. kageyama’s good at volleyball. no, he’s good. and he knows he is. he’s not really smug about it, but it’s not like his confidence is misplaced. he’s just aware of his skills, but he’s also aware of his flaws, and as he grows as a person, he’s more willing to take a step back and look and observe himself, to better himself as a player. i also think kags is insanely determined. like that episode where he studied his ass off just so he could pass and barely made it to the tokyo training camp? how does that directly translate into determination? he really is willing to put his all and more to improve, to play, to the best. 

motivation; like i mentioned above, it’s definitely to become improve himself. it’s not that he’s never satisfied with how he is or his skills, it’s more that he’s sure there’s still more space for him to better himself, that this isn’t all that he’s capable of and that he can do better, that he can be better. like i said, it’s not that he puts himself down about not being enough, on the contrary; he believes that he’s one of the best, but that’s not his limit, there’s more to him, there’s more for him to explore. towards you is a little bit trickier, honestly. he honestly wouldn’t even know he has a crush on you until one of his upperclassmen noticed his reactions towards you, and they confront him about him to which he responds ‘oh, so that’s what that is?’ like he really is so clueless. i don’t think he’d have a full on motivation with you, he just wants to be around you, because he finds that he kind of does enjoy the feeling he experiences when he’s around you. it’s really as simple as that 

kageyama’s love language; acts of service, absolutely, and, privately, physical touch. it’s not that he won’t hold your hand if you slip it in his, or he won’t return your kiss if you do kiss him in public, but it’s more of you’re the one that usually initiates these things. but! that does not mean kageyama isn’t touchy. he really is, a hundred and ten percent, touch starved. look at him! please! he is craving your touch almost always, he just doesn’t like initiating it in public, and occasionally he’ll take the initiative at home. but please, hug him, hold him, cuddle him, grasp his hand for hours, kiss all over his face. he absolutely adores it. and he shows his love better, takes initiative of it more, when it comes to giving. one of my headcanons for him i mentioned that whenever he gets milk from the vending machine, he gets you your favorite snack too, just because in his head he’s like ‘oh, they’d like that.’ it’s things like that with kags. 

kageyama’s preferred dates; don’t do anything involving competitiveness he will go crazy. but things like carnival dates, or diner visits, or ice skating, or stargazing 

kissing kageyama; really soft and sweet. it’s very timid and careful and cautious, but he always kisses you fully on the lips, his eyes fluttering shit, his hand coming to rest at the base of your throat, slightly on your chest

what being with kageyama feels like; falling asleep on the beach, sunburnt, with sand and salt on your skin, your body warm but the breeze cool 

DAISHŌ SUGURU

daishō’s general personality; i feel like all the haikyuu boys have so much more to them than what seems as a front. like our introduction to suguru was him being this snake-like, manipulative character. i mean nearly all his and his teammates tactics against nekoma were related to manipulation. but why is he inclined to that trait? i don’t know much about canon him, but i like to think that he was kind of in the shadow when he was younger, and the only way he could’ve gotten people to listen or pay attention to him was being this unlikeable and intimidating character. but canon-wise, i think just as his manipulativeness is his strength, it’s also his weakness, and i also think he’s really aware of that, and he knows this tactic has its faults. i also don’t think he’s insanely determined, because yeah he was upset after the match with nekoma, but it wasn’t earth-shattering. from what i’ve seen with his interactions with mika, though, i think he’s very loving, deep down, and very subtly. he doesn’t show it outwardly, but you can see the way he looks at her, the way he gets so proud whenever she remembers something about volleyball. i don’t think he’s a bad person, per se, because at the end of the day, this is also seventeen, eighteen year old suguru, and there’s so much space for him to grow out of this. i think it’s more that he’s the type of person to prefer the easy way out, so he relies on things like getting on the referee’s good side. it could also be that he’s aware of his downfalls so he wants to have anything to his and his team’s advantage, you know? it’s not to say he doesn’t put in effort, because i still think he does, or even that he’s lazy, but it’s more that he wants something and he has a way of getting it that’s faster for him, you know? like i said, i don’t think he’s a bad person, at all. everybody has their flaws, and i think all the haikyuu boys have their own, it’s just that suguru’s is more explicit.

motivation; so like i mentioned how he likes the easy way out, i think suguru’s motivation would be to have high achievements. he seems like an insatiable person, one that always wants more, and more, and more, so he’s always climbing up higher. but also, even though he’s insatiable, he kinda? gives up easily? or not that he gives up easily, it’s more that he’s okay with a loss, or that he accepts defeat relatively easy with a shrug, as in “there’ll be more opportunities, it’s not the end of the world.” towards you, suguru would probably want to have you as his s/o to prove to himself, or to prove to others, that’s capable or worthy of someone like you. it’s kind of sad in a way, because in his head you’re way out of his league, but he makes it seem as a front that you’re just barely worthy of him when he asks you out, simply as a defense mechanism. 

daishō love language; subtle acts of affection, 100%. you could see how happy he was to explain to mika all about volleyball, and how happy he was to know that she had been listening and actually putting in an effort to understand the sport that he likes. it’s things like that that really, really matter to him. listening intently when the other speaks of something they’re passionate about, remembering tiny details, like their favorite drink, or their go-to order at a restaurant, or something they’d mentioned in passing that they really wanted, or the way they prefer to sleep at night. that’s the way he expresses his love, definitely. 

daishō’s preferred dates; visiting movie theaters, staying in, late night strolls on the beach, clubs/parties

kissing daishō; really, really slow and lazy, kinda lewd as well, in that it’s shameless, and loud 

what being with daishō feels like; the feeling when you predict a plot twist in a movie or show correctly 

DAICHI SAWAMURA 

daichi’s general personality; dad. what a dad. such a Dad. dadchi sawamura. i think it’s very obvious that he’s a very mature character, and he easily fits in the role of a leader. i think him being captain is perfect, because he leads the team perfectly, and he knows all his teammates really well, and is able to respond to each of them correctly, knows how to motivate them perfectly. in that way, he’s a very, very reliable person. he’s someone you can lean on constantly, whenever, wherever. someone you can turn to knowing that your best interests are in their mind when he reaches out to give you advice. he’s someone that will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. he’s also not the type of person that considers the role of a leader and captain as a burden, not someone that thinks it’s a really big responsibility which he wishes can be taken off his shoulders from time to time. no, he appreciates the role, and takes it with all of its heavy weight. he’s really independent and mature in that sense. it’s not to say that he’s very stable constantly, because everyone has their moments, and although he really is unbothered by the responsibility, i think he constantly overthinks his decisions. maybe not so often, but it happens, because every decision he’s ever taken has impacted all of his teammates consecutively, you know? he has to think big, consider the big picture. but yeah, daichi is a very reliable and mature person. will it get annoying and will it have you begging him to loosen up every once in a while? maybe, but is he also very childish at times? yes. make sure to get it on camera though

motivation; much like kuroo, the fact that they’re both captains aside, he does everything for other people. it’s different though because kuroo puts other people above himself, but daichi thinks for everyone including himself. the only one with braincells. he thinks broadly, and considers all consequences for both himself, and for others. his motivation would probably be to see himself and everyone succeed and be their best, to see their efforts put into work, to be able to be incredibly proud of everything they’ve achieved. he really is such a dad. towards you, however, it’s a lot sweeter, and it’d be something like his infatuation with you. he’d want to be the reason for your happiness, wants to be yours, wants you to be all his. kinda possessive but like, in a sweet way. 

daichi’s love language; confessions and domestic acts. daichi is unafraid to let you know he loves you, regardless of who’s around, or where you two are. he’s super okay with wrapping his ams around you randomly and just pressing a kiss to your temple and going “i love you.” he doesn’t know why he does it so often, maybe every time he says it, it reassures him. domestic acts in how he’s so comfortable waking up next to you, or how when you sleep over at his house you still get up and make breakfast, or how even folding laundry together is fun. he finds huge comfort in being able to appreciate the most mundane things, like doing the dishes or cleaning around the house, can feel so serene and loving with you. 

daichi’s preferred dates; fancy dinners, mini golf, theme parks, road trips, driving up mountains 

kissing daichi; weirdly, it’s not soft as you’d expect, more rough and possessive. he always kisses you like someone is watching and he wants to show you off, to prove that you’re all his. 

what being with daichi feels like; listening to a love song and feeling nostalgic, even if you’ve never been in love 

ASAHI AZUMANE 

asahi’s general personality; oh i love this big teddy bear <3 that’s literally what he is. i absolutely adore the fact that he’s really intimidating physically, but his personality is the farthest thing from it; in fact, it’s the complete opposite. i have something important to include though!! in the same way asahi’s very fragile, especially his esteem, and the same way he guilts himself entirely and places the blame on himself whenever something goes wrong, he’s also very easily, and very steadily uplifted (as in, a win is a win, it’s sure and certain and it’s grounding), very easy to accept wins for everyone, not just take all the credit. when he spikes a ball and they score a point, it’s not a win for him, it’s a win for the entire team. that easily translates to asahi being a very giving and thoughtful person. he has a heart too big for him, and yes he’s an over-thinker, but that just means he’s mindful of others, very cautious and careful. although i think if you approach him with an issue, like you’re straight up sobbing, at first he’d be a little wary and anxious and awkward, i also believe he’d be exceptionally good at comforting someone after a few moments. his presence alone is comforting, but he knows if you need to be held or not, knows if you need to be listened to simply, or if you want advice as well, knows if you need comfort in food, or comfort in distraction. asahi just knows. and he’s definitely the one that uses that physical intimidation to his advantage when it comes to like, walking girls home, so that no one bothers them, or being in the same area as someone he knows that’s constantly bullied because just his figure alone scares them off. and my goodness, he’d definitely just subtly slide up beside a girl that he’s noticed is being eyed by men. he’s just... really pure. 

motivation; i think asahi’s motivation is a little more personal, and it’s probably to believe more in himself. it’s to put himself in situations where his skills are tested so that he can improve, to lessen of his fears, to lessen of his self-doubt, to grow more confident and sure of himself, you know? towards you, oh my god. asahi would never approach you. he really wants to, because he really likes you, has liked you for as long as he can remember, but he won’t approach you, unless one of his friends threatens to do it for him. that’d probably be it honestly: he just chooses to embarrass himself instead of having anyone else embarrass him. at least he has a little more control in that former option. 

asahi’s love language; he’s most definitely touch starved, so physical affection!!! he always wants to be touching you, even if it’s simple hand holding. he definitely links your pinkies together too! and honestly, i think he would like public displays of affection, even if it gets him really flustered. of course, don’t straight up make out with him in the middle of a public setting, but give him a little peck on his lips, or cheek kisses, or random hugs where you wrap your arms around his waist and rest your head on his chest and press a little kiss there too. also!!! forehead kisses!!!! he always, always gives those!!! 

asahi’s preferred dates; stargazing, beach picnics, park visits, nights in, any place he can dance with you to slow, serene music honestly

kissing asahi; it always makes you feel all warm inside, and always flutters the butterflies in your stomach. it’s not slow, nor is it fast, it’s just steady, but it’s pouring love and passion 

what being with asahi feels like; being the only one awake at home at a really late timing 

MIYA ATSUMU 

atsumu’s general personality; i’m sorry if i bore you guys because fair warning, this bout to be long as hell. unlike oikawa, who i think has this charming, intimidatingly skilled attitude as a front, i think atsumu’s personality is just expressed or comes off incorrectly. as in, for example, he’s really sensitive when it comes to carelessness in regards to volleyball, but it comes off as selfishness and rudeness, even though the origin of it all isn’t his want to be rude. it’s not that he doesn’t know how to express his feelings either, because i know that his feelings are loud, it’s just that he doesn’t know how to make it add up, in a way? i also think he’s self-centered, yes, but as a defense mechanism. this is gonna sound really sad but it’s more like, “i won’t give you a chance to make something awful to hate about me,” and something like, “i’m in control of why they hate me.” also, there’s no way that never affected him. maybe as a child, it didn’t really cross his thoughts, because he’s always had osamu anyways, and he couldn’t really make sense of it all, but as he grew older, the more it became clearer that he wasn’t entirely likable, and that really took a toll on him, worsening his attitude towards people. people aren’t rude for no reason, you know? there’s always a place it stemmed from. he takes refuge in that he’s good at volleyball. yeah he’s a piece of shit, but his setting? no one can top it. he has that, and he owns it, and no one can take it away from him. i think atsumu’s one of those people where, over the years, you can watch and see their light dim, in a way. like he’s not a depressed person or anything like that, he just becomes less and less... bright? angrier, irritable, less inclined to trust others and let them in, self conceited. it’s also probably a result of being left out or rejected by others. but the thing is, atsumu is all these things, but he’s also childlike, and so full of love. you can see the way he interacts on the court, his dynamic with his teammates, the way he reacts to kita’s ‘get well soon’ bag. he really is just a ball of sunshine, but it’s all cooped up inside. it’s been buried underneath a mountain of self destructive thoughts and negativity from others. i also consider him a very impulsive person, the type to never think twice before anything, but that can translate into spontaneity too! it’s both a positive and a negative thing. atsumu is also very, very trustworthy person. in short, atsumu is very cheery once around the right people, in the right setting, but he’s so quick to shift into intimidation if necessary. 

motivation; of course, just like osamu, atsumu’s main drive is his brother, whose been there since he was born. there’s no one he can rely on as much as osamu, regardless of their unbelievable competitiveness and their constant arguments. however, i think there’s a little more to atsumu. going off on what i mentioned above, volleyball is his safe haven. it’s something he can fall back on and be sure and certain of the safety net available. it’s not what makes him atsumu, but it’s a big part of him, a big part of shaping his personality, which is why i think constantly improving is atsumu’s other motivation. he can’t ever let himself go, you know? towards you, well, it was probably something really stupid honestly. you might have to play hard to get with atsumu, even though either way he’s gonna like it, but the chase? he adores it. 

atsumu’s love language; acts of service and physical affection. he’ll save your favorite go-to orders for every restaurant on his notes app, he’ll blow-dry your hair for you after a shower if you’re too lazy, he’ll learn hairstyles for you, he’ll hold your shirt down as you take off a sweater so it doesn’t ride up, he’ll make you try food he knows you’ll like, he stays up on facetime with you after recognizing the telltale signs of you being upset, he’ll go shopping with you, giving you a thumbs up, halfway, or down for each outfit, he’ll collect notes for you if you’re off from school, and so much more. that’s how atsumu expresses his love; that, and physical affection. always touching you somehow, someway, with his hand in yours, or on the back of your neck, or on the small of your back, or on your waist, slipping slightly beneath your shirt, or around your shoulder. and he’s always kissing you too, either on your cheek, or on your lips, or on your knuckles, or on your wrist, or your temple. and he’s always hugging you, and i mean always, you’ll have your head on his chest, or his chin tucked on your shoulder. atsumu doesn’t say i love you, he shows it. 

atsumu’s preferred dates; campfires at the beach, stargazing on a rooftop, waterparks, carnival visits (tries to win you everything but can’t do shit), bowling, drive throughs

kissing atsumu; really playful but always leaves you hot and bothered. he kisses like he’s trying to prove a point, which you can’t decide on, but it always leaves you a little breathless, a little dizzy, and even more in love with him

what being with atsumu feels like; leaving a movie theatre and slightly dissociating from reality 

KITA SHINSUKE 

kita’s general personality; omg i love!!! him!!! kita, as shown in the anime and manga, is a very methodical person. he does things the way he always does them, routinely, and he finds comfort in that. and he doesn’t do things for the end result, he finds satisfaction in the productivity he feels, in seeing his efforts play out, in it all adding up and building up to the end product. it’s not what’s produced that matters to him, it’s more what he did and went through to be able to produce such a thing or result. which is why i think kita really is confident in his skills, and that’s obvious and seen when he’s on court. it’s because he knows all he’s done and all the effort he’s put in to be where he is now, and he knows they’re not going to fail him, he’s sure of it. his efforts are his safety net. that relates to kita being reliable, and being everyone else’s safety net. he’s very similar to daichi in that he’s the glue that sticks the team together, the final puzzle piece that completes a set. he’s also exceptionally good at being a captain, not because he leads very well, which yes, of course he does, but he knows his teammates. he knows what they need to hear, and is unafraid of telling them so, knows how to handle them properly, individually, and as a group. he’s also insanely observant in that not only is he good at reading people and situations, but also at being aware of the position he stands in. he knows he’s not what could be considered a ‘genius’ at volleyball, but not only is he aware of that, he accepts it, and accepts it with grace too. he understands that not everyone is special, but that also everyone is special in their own way, and are built based off of what efforts they put. which ties into the fact that kita is really mature, making him a reliable presence. 

motivation; like i said, kita finds comfort in routine. he never truly has an end goal, just that whatever is achieved from what work he puts in he’ll believe is worth that. kita’s motivation is his everyday routines. it’s waking up, making his bed, making breakfast, cleaning around the house, or going to practice, putting in the work, staying after to clean. it’s the little moments that make up his entire day, that add it all up, that really matter, that really are his drive. for you, it would be a really simple “i want to be with them.” i don’t think kita would sugarcoat his feelings, or try to deny them with himself, even if yes, he will absolutely get flustered. his motivation towards you is literally just his desire and want to be with you. 

kita’s love language; everything, but subtly. you can see that kita loves you with the way his attention is entirely on you when you speak. you can see he loves you with how he moves your hair out of your face for you. you can see he loves you in the way he says good morning to you, a soft smile on his face, a gentle kiss pressed to your forehead. you can see he loves you in the way he twirls you in his arms when you slow dance with him in the kitchen. you can see he loves you in the way his eyes light up at the simple mention of you, or the fact that everyone is aware of his love for you, in that it’s not kita, but kita and you. kita loves you wholly, and he will say it if you need to hear it, if he wants to say it, but it’s blatantly obvious, spottable from a mile away, clear and bright as day. 

kita’s preferred dates; pottery making, art classes, drives around town, grocery shopping together, fancy dinners 

kissing kita; everything kita does is methodical except kissing. kissing is where he lets loose, allows himself to be a little more carefree, a little more daring. he always kisses you like he’s afraid of losing you, like you’ll disappear in mere seconds 

what being with kita feels like; being on vacation and waking up really early at a hotel

IWAIZUMI HAJIME 

iwaizumi’s general personality; iwa iwa iwa!!!!!! i know we all like to paint iwa in this mature light, like he’s the dad of the team, but the reality of it is iwaizumi’s just as much immature at times, it’s only that he’s the most responsible and least immature out of all of them. and he is! responsible that is. he really is, and he’s reliant too, but that doesn’t mean we should reduce his personality to ‘brat tamer of oikawa’ because, come on, there’s more to him than just that. iwaizumi loves, and he loves too much, loves too hard, he cares too much, cares too hard. his way of showing it is through violence, sure, and maybe he’ll be super aggressive when he finds out you’re not taking care of yourself, but will he go to the ends of the earth to make you feel better? yes, he absolutely will, no doubt, no hesitation in it at all. it might be a little bit of a flaw too, but when iwaizumi loves, he literally hands you his entire heart in your hands with the full expectation that you’ll take care of it. he strikes me as the type of person that always expects the best of people. he’s not naive, but he does always see the best in people rather than just immediately seeing the worst. i also don’t think he’s violence-prone, either. like yes, he will beat up his friends no questions asked, but he wouldn’t start a physical fight, nor would he provoke anyone to initiate one. the only exception is to protect or to defend his friends or loved ones. i feel like that’s a red line you shouldn’t cross with iwa, because he will abandon any inhibitions when it comes to them. friends and loved ones first, then anything else. so yes, like i said earlier, iwaizumi is responsible, he’s reliable, he’s strong and sturdy (i mean,,, both physically and conceptually ig), and he’s someone that you do not want to ever lose once he enters your life. not because he’ll hurt you or anything like that, but because the loss of him in your life is significant and it’s impactful. that’s not to say iwaizumi’s not an absolute child at times, considering he literally, canonically has a godzilla phone case 

motivation; honestly? i think iwaizumi does things,,, just to do them. like he gets satisfaction of course, from achieving certain things, like being one of the top aces, or from getting into a really good university, because of his good grades, from having a clear career path, from having the body that he does, from being where he is today in general, but he never had a direct motivation towards the actions that got these certain results. like sure he got into volleyball because it was a fun sport, his best friend was in it too, he got really good, he stayed, and sure he has really high grades, because he needs to, but why? he just does. he does things because he feels the need to achieve, you know? that’s his drive, essentially. the need to feel productive and satisfied with his achievements. towards you, however, it’s more serene. he wants to get to know you. that’s it. he’s genuinely just interested in you, in what you have to say, in your hobbies and interests, and your favorite movie, and your favorite song or artist, and your favorite color, what your aspirations are. iwaizumi just wants to know you. 

iwaizumi’s love language; domesticity and acts of service. iwaizumi will fall in love with you if you feel like home, if you give him that deep sense of comfort settling in his chest. yes he wants the rush of it all, of being in love, the excitement of loving someone, but he also wants the calmness that accompanies it, the sureness that tags along. he likes certainty, stability, you know? and his actions will always speak louder than words. every date he greets you with flowers, meets you in front of the school gates if he hasn’t walked you and greets you with a gentle kiss on the lips and a “good morning.” will he explicitly say “i miss you”? no, but he will appear at your window at three in the morning with a backpack filled with your favorite snacks and an extra hoodie for you to borrow. he loves you, he loves you widely and large, but you have to really know iwaizumi to recognize the pattern 

iwaizumi’s preferred dates; go-karting, late night drives, concerts, the beach (but at night, including swimming), picnics at sunrise 

kissing iwaizumi; i can fully see him being a little shy, especially at the beginning! his kisses start off really gentle, as if he’s afraid to break you, but overtime, they develop into possessive, and a little rough, kisses. still absolutely breathtaking though 

what being with iwaizumi feels like; being in an empty parking lot, with music seeping through your car’s speakers 

end note; this took me like three separate days omg. i really, really hope i didn’t miss anyone haikyuu requests for this past event. it’s closed now my loves, but maybe it’ll make a comeback soon! hold onto your request till then :)

excuse any mistakes made in this if there are! and thank you for reading! i hope you all enjoyed <3

[w2beastars]

Waezi2′s thoughts on “Beast Complex” chapter 17.

Sorry it took so long to write this blog. I've been in pain for a couple of days and couldn’t coventrate when I tried to write a blog.

Chapter 17 of Beast Complex is about the goat Kiyosumi and the turtle Abu.

Kiyusumi is a seventeen year old student with a pair of big horns. She sits behind Abu who almost always hide inside his shell that has the word “Hell” tattooed on it. These two big teens haven never spoken to each other despite them sitting this close to each other in class. Abu is literally a withdrawn person and Kiyusumi is the sort of quiet girl who does’t speak unless spoken to. In fact, she is rather passive and only do something if told to. But she does exactly what she IS told to, even if she doesn’t want to. Like when she is asked to look out for students who smokes at school since she is part of the school’s disciplinary committee.

But Kiyusumi is not exactly the embodiment of authority, so when she does find a couple of smokers on school ground, the scoundrels just laugh at her as well as intimidate her into shutting up.

But who comes to our big-horned goat’s rescue?

Abu the Turtle. It so happens that he likes to take naps behind the school building and he asks the smokers to go somewhere else as he is not exactly fond of cigarette buds and smoke.

And he scare off the smokers since he is tattooed like a gang member. They leave, apologizing for invading his “territory.” 

Once they are alone, they can let it sink in that this is the first time they actually talked to each other. Kiyusumi is baffled by both finally seeing more than just Abu’s shell and hands, and that he has tattooed most of his body. Abu explains that he is passionate about tattoos and practice tattooing by using his own body so that he one day can do it for a living. And he takes Kiyusumi by surprise by telling her that he always wanted to tattoo her dangerous horns.

And her horns ARE dangerous. Kiyusumi’s horns are still growing, and they will eventually penetrate her skull if she doesn’t get them removed. but Abu is the first to notice it, or at the very least pointing it out.

Abu takes Kiyusumi with him after school and show her his tattoo studio AKA his grandpa’s garage. It is obvious that he is extremely passionate about his craft

Kiyusumi allow Abu to work on her horns. He is grateful, but he also points out that they could be the death of her and ask if she has ever thought about having them removed. Kiyusumi explains that she has thought about it for years... but due to anxiety and lack of confidence, she never did anything about it. Instead, she hoped that someone would tell her to do something about her horns, point out that they would eventually stab her skull, that she should get rid of them, anything.

This is a classical trait of depression. Doing something, or in this case NOT do something that results in self destruction of a sort and hope that someone tells you to stop. To show that they care. there are some cutters who secretly hope that someone will notice their self inflicted scars.

But it seems like no one cares enough to tell Kiyusumi that they are worried. OR that they prefer not to “meddle.”

Abu points out that people prefer to mind their own business. They prefer to ignore it if someone has drastically changed or are in pain. and they do so because it is convenient to act like nothing. Heck, when Abu tattooed his shell for the first time, no one seemed to notice, or they just acted like nothing when seeing a guy with the word “Hell” on his back. He had to get tattooed way more than just on the shell before people had to notice and he now has to hide his head, arms and legs so he doesn’t disturb people with his art.

Trust me, Abu is not exaggerating. I seen people walk past a man who was clearly having issues with his stomach as he lied on a bench. Most prefer to look past what they don’t want to deal with.

After finishing the decoration of Kiyusumi horns, the two teenagers decide to spend the night together and just hang out. Do stuff teenagers do. And they are both extremely happy. Abu is not hiding in his shell and Kiyusumi is smiling and laughing.

We cut to one week later where someone finally notices Kiyosumi since she decided to get rid of her overgrown horns. One of the girls in her class(a tiger) tells her that it is surprising to see her horn-less, but that it makes her face look brighter. Suiting, since Kiyosumi feels brighter. This is the first time she can recall making a choice of her own, and a very good one since it means she is not gonna die.

Abu is congratulating Kiyosumi in his own way by tattooing his shell again so that there are flowers growing out of the word “Hell”. His first tattoo is a very cynical and provoking one, so his adding the same type of flowers on it as the ones he made on Kiyosumi’s horns before she had them operated off is a sign of optimism.

I like this chapter a lot. We dealt with depression before as well as suicidal behavior, but this BC chapter deals with the quiet cry for help, the sadness that follows when no one gives a shit, and how much effort people put into ignoring someone because they rub them off the wrong way. A great detail is that at no point does Abu tell her that she should have her horns removed. He just points out that they are dangerous and asks if she had considered. She had to make this decision for herself. If he had told her to do it, she would have since she automatically does as she is told, but even though he noticed the horns, Kiyosumi was the one who made the choice that prevented her early death.

[coulson-is-an-avenger]

kisses 21 jm!

For the prompt “we’ll face this together” kiss. TY SAHAR!!! OKAY I accidentally had one (1) jonbinary idea and then it ended up being SO FUCKING LONG (like 2.5k long) so uh. yeah. Warnings for descriptions of dysphoria, mentions of kidnapping and self loathing, and Jon getting pretty close to a panic attack. Also disclaimer, although I am nonbinary, I’m not transfem, so if there’s any critiques surrounding that, don’t hesitate to let me know. Stay safe y’all!

Jon’s face itches as he faces the mirror like an old foe. It’s long held an image that hurts him to see; aged by unfathomable horrors and dotted with marks like a canvas before a child’s paint tipped fingers, and these days he can’t even be sure that his reflection looks away from him when he turns his head. But, the devil it holds at the moment is the simple reflection of his short beard, and his face itches at the reminder of it.

It isn’t a physical itch. It lurks under the skin, poking and prodding at his senses, rubbing him the wrong way as he lays his cheek on his pillow, leaving a distracting echo when his chin brushes against Martin’s during a kiss, scraping at the inside of his skin as he stares at himself and takes in the sight of it covering his chin.

He scrubs his fingers over his eyelids. He isn’t ignorant, he realizes the discomfort he feels is most likely somewhat gender-related, but it’s… his relationship with his gender is complicated. In a lot of ways, it’s been such a mundane concern recently that he’s somewhat lost track of where he stands with it, but he remembers how it felt to first wear a skirt into the archives, all those long years ago. How gentle Sasha had been with him back then, even if the memory pinches the back of his head and grins with too many teeth and a short haircut that he knows now was wrong. But the Stranger cannot take that act of kindness away from her, even if it took away the face he remembers sharing it with.

He had felt like he was becoming something new, then, staring at a new path, freshly paved in his life, open to the possibilities of self discovery and certainty. Then his life had been riddled with worms and his friends had been carved out, one by screaming one, and he was on the run and set alight and kidnapped and disabled and nearly killed and kidnapped again and nearly killed and—

Jon remembers, vaguely, a flash of what had happened in the month he was… gone. He doesn’t remember most of what happened in that place. Probably for the better, he tells himself, but he does recall one thing. One very simple thing, really; that he hadn’t been able to shave, and he remembers the itch being all he could focus on for days at a time.

One of the first things he had done after stumbling through Michael-now-Helen’s door-not-deathtrap was drag himself to a sink and shave his face raw, burned hand be damned. His skin had suffered afterwards, nicked and irritated beneath its smoothness, and he had taken some strange, morbid comfort in the blemish he was able to inflict, after so many days of hearing hollow voices sing of its beauty.

This is a dangerous line of thought, he realizes, hands pressed against the bathroom sink, his heartbeat starting to pound in his ears. He desperately does not want to think about that, not here, and preferably not ever again, if he can help it.

He tries to bring himself back to the here and now, grounding himself in the feeling of porcelain under his palms, but the victory over his mind is a hollow one, unfortunately, as it brings him right back to the itching under his skin.

He’s not sure if this itch is exasperated by his own self consciousness, or by the lingering sting of the Lonely that threatened to separate him from himself, but it builds until its all he can feel in his skin, on his face, and he finds himself lunging across the counter, knocking things over in an attempt to hunt down Martin’s razor.

Jon had lost his own somewhere in the chaos of living in the archives, but he’s sure he saw Martin trim his own short beard when they first arrived at the safehouse, so it must be here, he thinks, ripping open drawers, it must— aha!

His fist closes around the razor, hidden under the sink next to a small bottle of shaving cream and Martin’s testosterone shots, and he barely gives a thought to what he’s doing before raising it to his dry cheek, just needing this thing off, and—

“Jon? You know that’s not how to do that, right?”

Jon whips around like lightning, his back to the sink and the razor clenched in his fist against his chest like a talisman, breathing heavily.

Martin had been smiling slightly as he entered the bathroom, but the expression quickly falls from his face as he takes in the panicked look on Jon’s face, and the erratic motion of his free hand, clenched into a fist at his side and twitching in an attempt to calm himself. Martin steps forward quickly, outstretching a hand.

“Jon, love? Are you alright?”

Jon fixes his eyes on Martin; kind, beautiful Martin who still goes a bit grey at the fingertips and the eyes when anxiety seizes him, Martin who has always been there, always been there, ever since the beginning. Jon anchors himself as he looks at that familiar, beloved face, and tries to take a breath.

“I-I don’t know,” He manages, because this all feels very silly now. He’s a grown person standing in the center of a bathroom, clutching his boyfriend’s shaving razor like it’s a weapon, for God’s sake, all because of what? Some facial hair? Good Lord, he’s being ridiculous. “Probably, I just… um.” He trails off, gut sinking as emotions spiral through him, too fast to pin down and name.

“Okay,” Martin says gently, shuffling a step closer. “Why do you have that?” He gestures to the razor in Jon’s hand, and Jon twitches, holding it closer.

“I need to borrow it,” He explains, stumbling. “I can’t- I need-“ He makes a frustrated noise and tries to get his thoughts to align. He inhales deeply and tries again. “I need to …shave. This-“ he gestures jerkily towards his face. “This is too much.”

Martin nods carefully, eyes glued to Jon’s face. “Too much?” His question is as gentle as his eyes, and Jon has to glance away for a moment, overwhelmed by being seen.

“It’s… complicated,” He begins, the fist pressed to his chest beginning to lighten up. “It… it just itches, all the time. Like- like a thousand ants under my skin, w-which is ridiculous because it doesn’t actually hurt or itch or- or anything, it just…” he glances back to Martin’s eyes, furtive and desperate for him to understand. “I need it to stop.”

“Oh,” Martin softens even more before Jon’s eyes, his face melting with understanding and sadness. “Oh, Jon. I didn’t realize you were having dysphoria.”

At the word dysphoria Jon glances sharply up, uncertainty fraught on his face, and Martin backtracks quickly.

“Or- s-sorry, I didn’t mean to assume. Is it-”

“N-no, Martin, it-it’s fine.” Jon waves Martin’s nerves aside and finds that he finally has a decent enough hold on his own to lower the hand that had been pressed against his chest. He turns around in the bathroom and sits down on the edge of the bathtub, sighing heavily. “It might be dysphoria, I don’t…” He hesitates, chuckling slightly. “I’m not quite sure I know it well enough to place it. Gender hasn’t exactly been… a priority these days.”

Martin nods and follows him deeper into the bathroom, setting down the lid of the toilet so he can sit on it and listen to Jon blunder through his feelings.

“It might be? I mean… I know I’m not a man, per say, but it… I mean, it could also be so many other things at this point. It’s just- I know it’s stupid to overthink, but—“

“Hey, hey,” Martin cuts him off, extending a hand to brush against the side of his knee. “It isn’t stupid, Jon. You don’t have to have a label or a reason in order to be uncomfortable. It’s- you’re allowed to call it just that; uncomfortable.”

Jon nods, looking down at the hands clasped in his lap.

“I know. It just hit me so suddenly, I-” He sighs, rubbing a hand over his forehead, careful to avoid brushing any of the hairs on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Martin murmurs, and his hand rests more solidly on Jon’s knee. “Is this alright?”

Jon nods mutely, and lets himself expel some more of the tension in his shoulders as he focuses on the motion of Martin’s thumb sweeping softly over his knee.

“It reminds me of the circus,” Jon breathes after a moment of silence, and Martin’s hand stills against him, attentive and horrified. “When- when they…” He inhales sharply, willing his voice not to break. “Well, I couldn’t very well shave it,” He clenches his hands into fists again, still holding the razor tightly in his right. “Got it off as quickly as possible once I could.”

Martin exhales. “I remember that. I thought you just… I dunno, just really nicked yourself. I didn’t think about… yeah.”

“Yes,” Jon agrees, keeping his gaze on the hand on his knee. “I-I mean, I definitely did, nick myself that is. I wasn’t really thinking about doing it properly, I suppose.”

“Like just now?” Martin asks, kindly, gently, not judging. Jon feels his chest pinch anyways.

“Yes.” He admits quietly. Martin leans down to press a careful kiss to Jon’s knee.

“Okay, well, this time we’ll do it properly,” Martin raises himself from the toilet seat, reaching down into the cupboards to pull forth the shaving cream and a towel, and holds them out towards Jon.

Jon blinks, looks at the objects and then up at Martin, unsure of what’s being offered. “Sorry?”

“You still want the beard off, right? Let’s just make sure you don’t upset your skin,” He cracks a humorous smile. “Then it’ll actually start itching.”

Jon takes the can from his hand, but still frowns. “Us?”

“I- yeah,” Martin shifts his weight, fidgeting with the towel. “I can help, if that’s alright with you. You don’t… always seem to handle mirrors the best? And I’ve helped shave another person before so… yeah. If you want.”

Jon’s world stutters to a blushing halt. Martin’s right, he doesn’t like to linger on his face in mirrors even on the best days (of which today is certainly not one) and as much as he’s accustomed to doing this himself, what Martin is promising is intimate; an extension of vulnerability and the promise of a care that he hardly takes with himself. The more he considers it, the more finds himself tentatively wanting it, and he nods carefully. He trusts Martin, he’s decided a thousand times by now.

“Alright,” He agrees, and smiles.

Martin smiles in response. “Alright. Do you want me to um-” He gestures with the towel in his hand, and Jon nods.

Martin makes quick work of running the towel under the tap until it’s warm, and then wringing it out so it’s ready to actually use. He takes his seat again and tips Jon’s head back with a hand to lay the towel gently overtop, letting the warmth seep into his skin. It’s more effort than Jon usually puts in, or used to, when he did this more regularly, but he finds it’s a nice feeling, and he almost misses it when Martin takes the towel away again.

“Right,” Martin continues, looks pointedly to the can of shaving cream in Jon’s hand and Jon hesitates.

“Ah. Maybe not that part? Th-the actual shaving is fine, but-”

“Oh! Yeah, of course,” Martin nods, not questioning, and reaches forward instead to gently take the razor itself from Jon’s fist so he can use both hands to get the shaving cream on his face. Jon surrenders the razor, forcing himself to trust it in Martin’s hands, to trust that Martin won’t just leave him hanging.

He tries not to think too hard about the feeling of the cream on his skin. It’s a far cry from lotion, so it doesn’t bring up any sense memories, thankfully, but it’s still an uncomfortable texture, and he focuses on the sound of Martin’s breathing to keep himself from slipping.

Fortunately it doesn’t take long; soon enough Jon’s finished, wiping his hands on his trousers, and then Martin’s shifting closer, taking Jon’s face in his hands like it’s something precious, something to be loved and cared for. He is very close, his dark brown eyes nearly black with focus as he gently reaffirms that Jon’s sure about this, and then the cool razor swipes across Jon’s cheek.

Jon’s heart lurches in his chest, a messy combination of nerves and gratefulness, but he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move at all, and just watches Martin focus with gentle certaintly as the blade passes over his cheeks again and again in careful, confident strokes. His fingers whisper at Jon’s chin when he tilts up his head and swipes the blade carefully up the top of his throat, brow furrowed and tongue poking out of his lips in concentration.

Jon holds his breath, wills his heart to still, but it’s alright, with Martin it’s always alright. His hands are warm as they cup his cheeks, tilt him this way and that, thorough in their task, and his fingertips are gentle as they lift his chin and brush away foam and ghost over his throat. He never even comes close to nicking him, and Jon feels a great warmth unspooling in his chest, stinging his eyes.

“All done,” Martin finishes triumphantly, his face breaking into a grin as he hands Jon the towel again, lets him wipe off his own face.

There’s no coarse texture as the fabric touches his face, no itching or discomfort as it drags over his chin, and the steady drumbeat of wrongness that had pervaded him for weeks finally, finally dissipates, unblocking his lungs and releasing the tightness from his shoulders. He runs a hand over his chin, and finds a shy smile quickly taking over his face, affection and relief filling him up from the inside out and spilling onto his features.

“Thank you,” He breathes, and Martin matches his smile with one of his own, and nods, nothing but respect and affection in his eyes.

“Any time,” Martin says seriously, before reaching out to take Jon’s hand and slowly bringing it to his lips, giving Jon ample time to pull away. “You don’t have to struggle with this stuff alone,” He murmurs against Jon’s knuckles. “It’s easier together.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Jon’s response is quiet, and Martin kisses his hand then; gentle, and full of reverence. Jon finds that he could melt right into the floor and be happy for the rest of his life.

He reaches up to pull Martin down into a kiss, gentle and insistent and grateful, lacing his hands in his hair and sighing against his lips at the sensation, noting how nice it feels to kiss his boyfriend without his itching skin pressing at his thoughts.

The kiss stays chaste, and eventually Jon pulls back just enough to press their foreheads together, keeping his eyes closed, reveling in it. “Together, then.” He affirms, and Martin smiles.

“One way or another.”

[funtimebunnyblog]

Pillar men during their heat?

What will their s/o do?

Me: *opens my ask box and sees this*

My brain: *CARELESS WHISPER BLARES*

You got it Anon! 😘🥰😇 Big stronk Himbos feeling the big feelings coming right up!

Pillarmen (separate) in heat and their s/o's reaction...

(Under the cut for length!)

Kars:

• On the norm, Kars wasn't overly affectionate with you.

• Sure, he had his times; like when he would put an arm around you when sitting on the couch or when he held you in his lap on occasion while he worked.

• You'd also get rewarded with some sweet little kisses during your daily routines.

• But really, he wasn't really a clingy creature...

• Well... not until his heat strikes, that is.

• When undergoing heat, oh boy, this hulking Pillarman's cold and collected demeanor practically melts away to reveal a cuddly, purring kitten.

• The first time he underwent his heat cycle around you, you knew something was definitely different... yet you couldn't place what.

• "Kars, I have to get ready for wooork..." you whined softly, squirming in his hold under the covers.

• Normally, when you woke up he would already have left to do some work of his own or you two would exchange some loving words and kisses for a brief moment before getting up to start the day.

• But this morning you were pleasantly surprised to wake up to him clinging to you, humming and peppering your face and shoulders with soft kisses.

• You honestly didn't want to ruin such a moment, most especially when it was such a sweet cuddly moment with Kars, but you had been laying here with him for over an hour and you really had to go or else you'd be late!

• The Pillarman only held you tighter in his arms, curling around you almost protectively and nuzzling into your neck; your protests and pushing were helpless against him.

• "Hmmm, no need." He hummed, a tendril of curly violet hair tickled your nose as he snuggled you in his vice-like embrace. "I already called in for you, dear one."

• Needless to say, he wasn't letting you go anywhere anytime soon.

• Another thing; Kars wasn't a man to beg (for anything at all really) most especially attention.

• From ANYONE.

• Usually, he was the one laying back with a smirk; lavishing in any and all of your pleas to have him hold YOU and him give YOU attention.

• He just found it absolutely delicious when someone became needy over him; being not only a gorgeous man but a ruler and Ultimate lifeform as well; your pleas for his touch only fed his ego.

• However, when Kars was in heat, he almost became a completely different person.

• "Kars, please, I just need to get these dishes done first..." you sighed, trying to focus as you were elbow deep in dishware and suds.

• The gargantuan Pillarman clinging to your back and nuzzling you did nothing to help as you tried to complete the task.

• "Oh come now, please? Please, can we snuggle on the couch? I'll put on your favourite show~" he whined, the vibrations of his chest sent trembles down your spine as he begged.

• "After dishes," You told him, trying to be firm but crumbling. "Pleeeeease, beloved one? I haven't seen you all day, my sunshine, and I've missed you so~ We can finish them later, together~" Kars hummed, digging his nose deeper into your neck.

• You were honesty starting to fear he had been replaced with an imposter of some kind.

• KARS SUS

• It becomes obvious to him that you're not understanding what'sgoing on and it's not long after when Kars follows his natural urges and gets to building a suitable nest.

• If you didn't understand his madness before, he fully intended to make you with this.

• You come Home from work one afternoon to find the Livingroom essentially turned into one giant blanket fort; pillows laid strewn about across the cushioned floor.

• The most notable thing about it all was the Pillarmen laying in the midst of all of it... in all his glory.

• "Come and join me, dearest~" he purred, gazing at you through hungry crimson eyes as you stood there gawking in the doorway. "I've been waiting~"

• Even though you still don't understand, this time you find you can't refuse him. Definitely not while he's licking his lips like that...

• You'll have to call in to work again tomorrow ;)

Esidisi:

• When Esidisi undergoes one of his heat cycles, it's best described that he becomes a hot mess.

• Even more of a hot mess than usual that is...

• The man was already a very emotional person but somehow, he became even more emotional when in heat.

• You started to suspect something was wrong with him when you came downstairs one morning only to be immediately met with a spine cracking embrace and a flood of tears.

• He was going on a sobbing rant about how he was so happy to spend his mornings with you, his Mate, and that you were wonderful in every way and the very light of his life.

• Normally, he only got this emotional when watching Cat videos.

• You also couldn't help but notice that he's burning even hotter than his usual warmth.

• Normally, he just felt like one big muscular electric blanket; radiating a comfortable warmth. But now he felt something akin to the scalding blast of heat that hits you in the face when opening the door to an oven.

• You practically had to wear oven mitts to lay hands on him now.

• You couldn't shake the feeling something was definitely off about him when he started leaving you little gifts lying around.

• The things he left ranged from clothing to food to trinkets and just general things you liked; all for you!

• Not to mention the fact he was being extra sweet, going out of his way to give you lots of kisses and loving, and even cooking you more meals and doing all of the chores.

• You appreciated the sentiment of it all but really, you were quite puzzled as to why he was putting so much investment in you. It wasn't a Holiday or your Birthday or anything...

• Little did you know you were also puzzling him.

• You were supposed to be taking interest in him!

• In his eyes, he was dropping obvious hints to his cycle; he took your confusion and lack of response to all of his offerings as somewhat of a rejectment and that actually hurt him enough to make him cry a little...

• He decides then that there's only one more thing he can do... he'll put together a most excellent nest for you! The best nest you'd ever seen!

• "Esidisi?" "Hmm?" He turned to look at you, doe-eyed, arms suspended in the air as he laid out another blanket on top of the growing pile.

• You were Home from work early and he still had much work to do yet!

• "What are you doing?" You questioned with a raised eyebrow. Not only was he rearranging your whole room, he had covered the entire space with blankets and pillows.

• He had even gone so far as to thoroughly douse the area in the perfume/cologne you always wore.

• "I'm making us a nest." He says, almost matter of factly. When you ask him why he's doing that, it floors him.

• Did you seriously not understand?! This entire time?!

• After he sits you down and explains himself, everything clicks with you and you actually feel terrible for not understanding sooner.

• You didn't realize his kind underwent natural cycles like this...

• You ask him if you can finish building the nest together, if this had to be done you wanted to help and have it be done right.

• His heart absolutely soars at your offer, making him teary eyed as he nods eagerly.

• However, you barely get the chance to finish it before you're both putting it to good use ;)

Wamuu:

• Throughout his many years living, Wamuu had always viewed his heat cycle as more of a distraction than anything; even though it was a completely natural phenomenon for the Pillarmen race.

• He had much difficulty focusing on training or fighting at all when it happened, making him feel quite useless.

• He always felt too mushy and needy during this time; things he viewed as shameful to see in him when he was supposed to be presenting himself to peers and enemies as a powerful foe.

• When heat struck, the Pillarman would simply hole himself up in his chamber, enduring the entirety of the cycle alone until it was over and done with.

• Eventually, when it passed and he was feeling his normal self he could go out again.

• However... things had changed now that you, his Mate, were thrown into the equation.

• You definitely knew something was different about him when it all started.

• On the norm, Wamuu was strong and he was a man to stand his ground as any proud, battle-hardened Warrior should.

• But when his heat struck... Wamuu became quite flighty.

• It seemed like the littlest of things would have him fleeing from the room; often in a blushing mess.

• He couldn't even sit through a simple kissing scene in a movie you two had been watching the other night.

• "Wamuu, what--" You blinked owlishly as a HUGE bouquet of red roses was pushed into your arms suddenly. It was as if he had picked you an entire field of them!

• "Flowers for you!" He said quickly, practically yelling, before taking off; out of the room and up the stairs. You couldn't see the flaming red in his face from over the massive bundle of flowers he had dumped on you.

• You couldn't help but realize he had a hard time to look you in the eye anymore. In fact, he seemed to break into a sweat if you even did something as little as touch him.

• You were seriously starting to worry that something was wrong with him.

• He on the other hand wasn't sure whether you wanted him or not during his heat and he was scared to act on his primal impulses.

• Usually, he liked to spend his free time with you watching TV or helping you around the household but he was spending more time upstairs, away from you; specifically in the spare room.

• You also took notice that there were a lot of blankets and pillows around the house missing but you didn't really focus on that as you were more worried about Wamuu and his strange behavior.

• After a few days of this, you decided to confront him.

• However, he got to you first; coming downstairs and sheepishly taking your hand, asking you to follow him.

• Wamuu had given into his primal instincts and had spent the last few days perfecting a nest for you both up in the spare room.

• You thought it was an impressive feat; he had turned the entire room into one big cushy and comfy heaven... but you didn't really understand why he had done this.

• Wamuu's eyes go huge when you ask him why. Did... Did Humans do such things for their Mates?

• HAD HE BEEN GOING ABOUT THIS ALL WRONG?!

• Poor Wamuu has to sit down and explain it all to you; his off behavior, most importantly the matter of you, the meaning of creating a nest and the cyles of his race behind it all...

• To his relief; you're very understanding and, even more to his relief, intrigued.

• Needless to say however, you and Wamuu don't leave the nest for a good little while afterward ;)

Santana:

• Much like Wamuu, Santana had often spent his years enduring his heat cycles in isolation.

• Nobody would see hide or hair of Santana from before it happened until the very end.

• The day before it struck he would simply pack up and leave to God-knows-where and stay there; sometimes he wouldn't even tell the others he was leaving.

• That being said; nobody (not even the other Pillarmen) knew what exactly Santana was like during the time of his heat cycle.

• Until you came along that was.

• You were Santana's Mate; the only proper reason for him to stay put when undergoing his heat.

• You'll begin to notice subtle changes, like the fact that Santana seems just a little more alert; attentive even.

• He brings you things before you even know that you want them; like snacks when you're starting to feel hungry or the cup of coffee you enjoy at noon.

• Somehow, he just seems to know.

• You'll also notice his fascination with your clothes or specifically the scent you leave on them.

• "Are you cold, Santana?" You question with a frown. Not only was he wearing your favorite hoodie, he was also wearing the baggy old T-Shirt you wore yesterday.

• Which was strange, as you knew Santana didn't really like clothing aside from the loincloth he wore.

• They were almost comically small on him, despite them being big clothes for you.

• He hummed, burying his face in the baggy neck of the hoodie; he felt as if he was surrounded by a Heavanly warm cloud of just you. "Hmmm, no."

• Surprisngly, it doesn't take long into the cycle for him to start constructing a nest.

• He takes things from all over the house; blankets, pillows, cushions, any stuffed animals or huggable plushies you have lying about, etc.

• Even if you happen to be sitting on them the moment he wants to add them to the growing pile upstairs, he just walks up and wordlessly takes them and then squirrels them away.

• If you happen to confront him on it, don't expect him to give you a detailed answer.

• "Santana, why are you taking the couch cushions?" "Because." "Because why?" "Because I have need of them." "Ok. Why do you need them?" "Because." "Because...?" "Just because." "Just because?" "Yes."

• Once his nest is all made up and deemed fit for you he goes looking for you.

• If you happen to be busy doing anything in the moment where he finds you, too bad.

• He just simply walks up and picks you up, squirreling you away to the nest like everything else as you were the most important thing to go in it.

• The explanation of everything can come later, much MUCH later; now was the time for action ;)

[impalementation]

spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 2

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

* 

“Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

For all that I’ve just discussed all of the ways that the first three seasons subvert the romance of Angel, it’s also true that the writing still fundamentally takes him—and Buffy’s relationship with him—seriously. To some degree it has to. Because Buffy is the show’s emotional anchor, if the writing didn’t take her emotions seriously, the audience wouldn’t either. It needs to be sympathetic to her (regardless of whether it endorses her, per se), or else it would run the risk of losing all pathos. Making fun of Buffy and Angel makes for a great gag in “The Zeppo”, and fits with the general way that season three undermines the romanticism of them, but if that was the show’s attitude the whole way through, it would come off as simply meanspirited. It would seem like it was making fun of Buffy for being a stupid teenage girl in love, instead of sympathetically depicting the human experience of being caught up in big, tempestuous emotions.

But at the same time, if the writing were to only take romance seriously, that wouldn’t feel very true either. Or fit with the general Buffy ethos, which loves to flip between serious and silly moods in order to capture all sides of whatever it’s exploring. And therein is the magic of Spike’s addition to the chemistry of the show. Practically from his introduction, Spike parallels Buffy’s romantic storylines, except unlike Buffy, Spike is allowed to do the comic or morally incorrect thing. His status as a soulless vampire means that the show is free to use him to point out both the sillier and darker sides of romance, without tainting Buffy’s heroism or the seriousness of her emotions.

In “Becoming, Part 2” for example, Spike is free to explicitly say that he’s saving the world because he wants Dru back, and leaves Buffy to die once he’s gotten her. Whereas Buffy, despite also wanting the person she loves back, ultimately chooses to save the world rather than keep him. Spike allows the episode to show what Buffy’s, or anyone’s, romantic id might want, without Buffy herself going through with it. He also allows the episode to show the ridiculousness of the romantic id, by giving him comic moments like “Didn’t say I wouldn’t”, or “God, he’s going to kill her”, or beating Angel with a tire iron, or any of the times that Buffy makes fun of him (“The whole earth may be sucked into hell and you want my help ‘cause your girlfriend’s a big ho?”). All of which is in contrast to the tragic seriousness of Buffy’s heartbreak. Spike in season two is not a character without pathos; in fact, he has quite a lot of pathos that parallels Buffy’s--think of the tortured close-up on his face as Angel and Drusilla taunt him in “I Only Have Eyes For You.” But neither is he limited or defined by that pathos.

He plays a similar role in both “Lovers Walk” and “The Harsh Light of Day”. In “Lovers Walk” he’s devastated by the loss of Drusilla, as Buffy was devastated over Angel in “Anne”, yet the way they get out of their respective depressions is very different. Tonally, “Anne” plays Buffy’s misery extremely straight, and when Buffy decides to stop moping and become an agent in her own life again, her version of “agency” means getting in touch with her leadership and heroism. Whereas for Spike, agency means a love spell, or torturing Drusilla into liking him again. The romantic id tries to re-possess the object of its desire, whereas the ego or superego is able to set that desire aside, whether or not it wants to. More obviously, Spike in “Lovers Walk” parallels all of the other characters and their romantic situations. All of them are behaving somewhat selfishly or self-destructively in their love lives (Xander and Willow cheating, Buffy and Angel torturing themselves with friendship) but are in denial about the fact that they’re doing so. And then Spike blazes in with his version of love that is selfish, scary, grandiose, charming, pathetic, genuine, and absurd by turns—and suddenly, everyone’s romantic weaknesses are out in the open. It makes perfect sense that Spike finishes the episode gleeful and optimistic, because “Lovers Walk” as a whole represents a triumph of the romantic id over the romantic ego, if only temporarily. And it’s all handled with a brilliantly whiplash-y mix of comedy and tragedy because at the end of the day, the power of the romantic id really is ridiculous. The way that Spike turns on a dime between being scary and pathetic parallels the way it’s at once absurd, and kind of frightening, that your id would make you, say: cheat on your wonderful high school boyfriend, just to have a chance with your childhood crush.

Because Spike is often treated as the show’s romantic id, the writing’s relationship to his romanticism gets complicated. Like Angel, there is something romantic in his aesthetic and behavior, even if he doesn’t look like Angel’s conventional Byronic hero. He wears a long, dramatic coat, poses rebelliously with his cigarettes, and dotes on his paramour with the elaborate attentiveness of Gomez Addams. But unlike Angel, he is not just a romantic symbol or object, he is also a romantic subject. That is to say, Spike’s romantic storylines tend to emphasize his romantic desires, and use those desires as motivation. By contrast, Angel’s storylines don’t really have much to do with whether he’s “gotten” Buffy or not—instead they have to do with whether Buffy has gotten him. The fact that Buffy and Spike are both treated as romantic agents in this way is a key indication that the two characters are meant to parallel each other. Angel’s side of the Buffy/Angel romantic storyline has to do with whether he can control himself around Buffy, whereas Buffy’s has to do with whether he likes her or wants to be with her. Similarly, Spike’s romantic storylines hinge on the status of whether Drusilla or Buffy want him. 

Not only is Spike a subject when it comes to romantic relationships, he’s also a subject when it comes to Romantic thinking. He is a character practically defined by his romanticism. He aspires to romantic things, and therefore can be used to poke at romantic outlooks. Despite his grand love for Drusilla for instance, she still cheats on him, and he still has to knock her out, do a love spell, or torture her to get her back. Or he’ll make grand pronouncements that are immediately followed by things like getting tasered by the Initiative or falling into an open grave. Because of this, Spike is able to parallel Buffy’s Romantic thinking as well, not just her romantic desires. Notice how in “The Freshman”, when Buffy is feeling out of touch with her Romantic Slayer self, that she has a scene where she’s treated like Spike--she delivers a dramatic threat and then falls through a ceiling. Or in “Some Assembly Required” when she obeys her id and hotly demands that Angel listen to her, she falls into an open grave. This kind of comedy has a lot in common with the deadpan Angel humor discussed in the last section, but notice that the target of that humor is Angel’s romantic objecthood rather than an outlook Angel has. Angel’s role, when it comes to romanticism, has to do with how Buffy and the audience sees him, whereas Spike’s role (at least in the early seasons) has to do with how Spike sees, period.

The show doesn’t just poke at Spike’s outlook though, it also uses him to poke at other people’s romanticism. In season two, for example, Spike is the one who gets impatient with Angel’s grandstanding, sarcastically explaining that “we do still kill people, you know” and “it’s a big rock.” In “Lovers Walk” he’s the one who cuts through Buffy and Angel’s drama, reducing it to “googly eyes” with a dismissive handwave (while also building it up in his projection-y “you’ll never be friends” speech). In “Something Blue” he points out that Willow is barely holding it together. In “Pangs” he’s the one who brings the debate over the Chumash nihilistically back down to earth, and in “The Yoko Factor” he schools Adam on Yoko not really splitting the Beatles apart. In other words, Spike attempts to see both the romance and the reality of things. He is the avatar of both, which I would argue makes complete sense, because in many ways romance and reality are really two sides of the same coin. Poetry and stories are fake and bigger than life, but you use them to tell truths. But being the id, his point of view can be hypocritical and biased as much as insightful, just like anyone’s gut reactions and poetic notions can be. After all, you can use poetry to tell lies, too. 

Lastly, on a meta level, there is a tackiness to Spike that undermines his romantic qualities better than making him dangerous ever could. Spike likes Passions and Dawson’s Creek (in contrast to Angel reading La Nausée by firelight). He lives in a crypt, but the vibe is more “homeless” than “Dracula” (in contrast to Angel’s tastefully decorated apartment). Spike may act like a romantic, but what does it say about how romantic romanticism really is, that the romantic things he likes can be so unrefined? And with the chip, he’s rendered impotent and pathetic. To me, there’s no more perfect image of how the writing uses Spike than the image of him in his black coat, red shirt, and big, leather boots, blasted under the fluorescent light of his Initiative cell. Light that makes his aesthetic seem suddenly fake and silly and surreal. For all that the writing subverts Angel, he is still the kind of character who gets to disappear mysteriously into the shadows, because he is the romance that Buffy has been forced to abandon. Whereas Spike is left with no place to hide. 

If Angel represented the idea of binaries, then Spike represents the lack of them. There is a reason that Spike invites so many queer readings. He is a vampire, but he loves. He is an object, but he’s a subject. He tells the truth, but he lies. He is a villain, but he is a hero. He is masculine, but he is feminine. He is insightful, but he’s a fool. He is pathetic, but he is sympathetic. He is on the outside of the Scoobies, but he is on the inside. These aspects of him are not split between different personas, but exist within him simultaneously. It is telling that the show introduces human, mythos-bending vampires like Spike and Dru in a season about disillusionment, and it is telling that Spike’s role in the show becomes ascendant in the seasons after Buffy leaves Angel and his split personality behind. As Buffy begins to reckon more deeply with her id, and her dualities, she will begin to reckon with Spike.

part 3: “Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

[archaeopter-ace]

Ectober Day 3 - Mutant

Word Count: 1.1k Characters: Danny, Jazz Summary: Danny wants what he thinks he can’t have; Jazz offers a helping hand

Sitting on the floor with his back leaning against his bed, he allowed himself to cry – quietly. Each silent sob tugged the next one out of him, an unending chain that shook his shoulders and made his breath choppy and uneven, but still he made no sound.

Too long had this feeling been building up inside of him. Today had been the breaking point, acting happy and fine at dinner, as though everything were alright, when inside he was screaming for someone to notice that he, in fact, was not alright.

Was it fair to blame his family for not realizing, when he had resolutely kept up the mask that nothing was bothering him? Perhaps not. And part of him was upset with himself for being upset over something so stupid. That was the thing. Nothing bad had happened to him, not recently, not more than usual.

He bit his fist as he fought back a whine, a thin, reedy cry slipping out of him before he could stifle it. No matter. Everyone else was already asleep at this hour. No one would notice.

Less than a minute later there was a soft knock at his door. “Danny?”

Of course Jazz would be the exception.

He wanted to respond but his breathing was still choppy and outside his control. She opened the door regardless, slipping in quietly and closing the door behind her.

“Are you hurt?”

He shook his head and buried his face in his knees, arms crossed around them.

Rather than ask him what was wrong, she sat down next to him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. Danny tried to explain, wanting to be understood, but there was a knot in his throat he couldn’t speak past, so he blindly groped for the brochure at his feet and thrust it at his sister instead.

“I can’t read in the dark. Is it alright if I turn on a lamp?”

Danny nodded, and when she left his side to flick on his bedside lamp he took the opportunity to wipe his eyes and take a deep, shuddering breath.

She returned to her spot next to him before she started to read, and Danny’s stomach felt like it was boiling. He stared fixedly at the floor, not wanting to see her face, oh god what if she laughed, it was such a stupid idea.

“I d-don’t know what I’m crying for. I just – I’ve had that for three weeks, well, you know, the assembly – and today I realized the application deadline has passed. It must have passed. And I missed my chance. Only, I wouldn’t have gone, not really. I couldn’t leave Sam and Tucker behind. But.” And he hated that his eyes welled up again. “But it was nice to imagine, that it could have been possible.”

“How do you know that the deadline has passed?”

“Does it matter? I can’t go!”

“Why not?”

“You know why.”

“Explain it to me.”

There was the obvious reason, the reason that was always present, like a toothache; and like a toothache, it hurt worse to touch it, so he didn’t, grabbing another, equally valid reason. “Because – because it’s a private school, and I’m not cut out for that. And Sam wouldn’t want me to go, she hates private schools; she proudly got kicked out of the one her parents sent her to.”

“Sam values uniqueness, and individuality,” Jazz countered. “And there’d be no shortage of that.”

“It’s too expensive.”

“They offer scholarships.” She passed the pamphlet back to him. He took it, reflexively. After three weeks, it was looking rather worse for wear, the way Danny kept folding and unfolding it, staring at the photos of smiling kids and ivy-covered buildings.

“I can’t leave Tucker and Sam, I don’t know what I’d do without them.” Of this point he was certain, if nothing else. “And if I go, then everyone’s going to know. It’s an open secret what this school is. You think it’s not going to raise eyebrows if, when a job application asks what high school I graduated from, I write ‘Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters’?”

The brochure crumpled under his clenched fist. Hastily, he smoothed it out, flattening the creases with care.

“And you don’t want to tell Mom and Dad.” Jazz apparently had no problem poking his metaphorical toothache.

“Yeah.” Danny looked at the glossy photos, and yearned. He’d never known he could want something as badly as he wanted to go to this school, where other kids were just as freakish as he was and he wouldn’t have to hide anymore. Where he could be accepted for all he was. He wanted it so badly it hurt, so badly that keeping his feelings hidden led him to be here, sobbing on his bedroom floor in the dark.

When they’d been called in for assembly three weeks ago, Danny had just appreciated the break from classwork. But when the representative from the school started talking about the wonderful opportunities available to students, the top-notch facilities, the quality education they could receive and all the doors it would open… then Danny allowed himself to imagine.

(Of course, after the assembly everyone kept darting glances at Brant Gosling, the only visibly mutant kid in their class. But as usual he didn’t let the attention ruffle his feathers – literally – and graciously repeated to anyone who asked that no, he would not be applying to Xavier’s; he was quite happy where he was at Casper. Danny didn’t think he would have been half as self-confident, in his place).

Jazz had gotten a lot better about not putting words in his mouth, and giving him time to collect his own thoughts. She did so now, sitting quietly and rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“It’s just… you need at least a master’s degree to get into the space program, and Xavier’s students actually have high acceptance rates into colleges.”

“It sounds like it doesn’t count against you on applications, then, to be a graduate. At least not everywhere.”

“Some people would say that’s just to fill diversity quotas.”

“Some people are bigoted assholes.”

Danny laughed outright at hearing Jazz swear, then sobered. “Mom and Dad…” he began tentatively. “We know they’re pro-mutant rights; they’ve said so.”

“That’s right.”

“But they’re anti-ghost.” Danny was once again on more certain ground.

“Danny…” Jazz hesitated. “I don’t want to tell you what you should do. You know I will support you no matter what. But it worries me to find you having a breakdown because you’ve been bottling everything up inside. This isn’t sustainable.”

“I know, I know; you’re right.” He ran a finger down the well-worn creases of the pamphlet. “At this point… It’s not that I don’t want to tell them. I just don’t know how,” he confessed.

Jazz beamed at him. “That’s okay. We can figure something out together.”

[vickyvicarious]

Just as I was about to go to sleep last night, I got a brain flash that went basically "something something flashback episode thiefsome themes???" so now in the light of day let's re-examine. This still isn't anything too polished, but... I think there's some interesting stuff to be found here.

Putting it under a tag so it doesn't clog up peoples' dashes too much, but the gist is that their roles actually represent their relationships/desires at each respective point in canon quite well, and it's giving me some thoughts about what a possible flashback with Hardison/Eliot would look like.

In the van Gogh Job, we get flashback Parker/Hardison. Obviously it wasn't them and the names are different and all but I'm just gonna call them f!Hardison and f!Parker because it's easier.

f!Hardison is brave, clever, determined, and deeply in love

f!Parker is loyal, comfortable, just as deeply in love, but terrified

Their flashback story is a cautionary tale as much as it is a romance. F!Hardison shares so many traits with Hardison himself, and f!Parker is a clear representation of current Parker. They make no bones about it, the parallels are extremely obvious and are even what makes the guy start telling Parker his story in the first place. Parker loves Hardison but she has found a place to belong in the team (flashback town/roller rink) and is afraid of what will happen if she disturbs that status quo by getting into a relationship with him. She's too scared of losing him (flashback to her racist dad/his buddies killing or hurting him, modern to the possibility of death mostly) to take the step to actually be with him, even though they both know she wants to. I love that there isn't any hint of her doubting his feelings or that he will remain devoted in either flashback or modern; the focus is entirely on her own fears for him and how she would handle that, not ever of him in any way.

Regardless of the timeframe, it's clear that (f!)Hardison loves her and will respect what she is willing to give him, even if that means leaving her. In the flashback, f!Parker still loves him and saves his painting in his honor for the rest of her life, remaining loyal to him despite never seeing him again. None of the emotion is in question at all, and it's clear that if she is willing to give it, her faith in him will be completely justified.

The episode basically just acts out Parker's fears (puppet-style?) and demonstrates to her that even though she would be fine if she doesn't take the leap - she'll be so much happier if she does. There's no guarantee of a happy ending, but Hardison is still himself and that means that before that ending comes at the very least, she will be happy. (Much like Sophie's beautiful speech to her.) Parker was already beginning to ease into a relationship with him, and this episode doesn't exactly drive her to jump in headfirst, but it's clear when we watch her reaction to the story what she will choose. She's going to build up her courage, but she's going to take the risk.

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Now, given how transparent that episode is on their pairing, I kind of wondered what would happen if I look at the one that pairs Parker/Eliot's flashback selves: the D.B. Cooper Job.

f!Parker is understanding, supportive, loyal, and gives him a place to belong

f!Eliot starts out doing something bad for the sake of someone he loves, is drawn to her, and later feels wracked by guilt and seeks redemption by helping others

The focus in this one obviously isn't on the romance. It isn't even on either of these characters, so much as it is on Nate and his flashback self. But the parallels between modern and f!Eliot are still pretty apparent, if a bit watered down in that f!Eliot has no intentions to hurt anyone and in fact takes pains not to do so.

But as far as pairings go, I think what they do between these two is pretty interesting. Their flashback characters are drawn to one another, feel a kind of understanding and recognition that they can't quite explain. It's why f!Parker stops him before he jumps and never gives him up, it's why f!Eliot trusts her in the first place and why he shows up at her door after it is all over. I think this is a really nice parallel to the way Eliot and Parker understand one another and have this connection that is different from the rest of the team.

The other thing I like a lot is that in this episode, f!Parker is the steady support. She represents the home f!Eliot longs to have, even if she isn't the one who eventually offers him the chance to help others and make his own redemptive efforts. In fact, him working with f!Nate starts out for selfish reasons and only later evolves into a place where he feels he belongs. That's another obvious parallel to the Eliot we know, but the Parker in this episode is a little less immediately recognizable. Sure, she's an incredibly loyal person and will obviously not care overmuch about crime or whatever but mostly it's harder to see her as much in that role.

But I think she serves much the same role here as f!Hardison in the other episode. Though modern Eliot isn't hearing this story and making any resolutions based on it, the casting still represents their relationship. Parker is growing steadily into the position of leader/mastermind, and at this point she and Hardison are openly together. She is someone who understands Eliot on a very deep level, and she is coming to be the person who is his rock. While I'm not discounting Hardison's importance at all, Parker more closely fits the role of the person who encouraged him to take the job in this flashback. She's the one who, only three episodes later in Rundown, verbalizes a promise to change together. She (and also Hardison) represent the home Eliot craves to have, the belonging and support necessary for him to grow and to do good in the world. What's more, f!Parker is accurate in representing her side of things as someone who wants that for him. She wants to invite him in, wants to support him even if it's from a bit more of a distance at first (pre-relationship) but would absolutely welcome him inside as soon as he shows up at her door (once he's ready, she will bring him into the thiefsome).

And Rundown shows us that in action, again only three episodes later. Not in the sense of canon thiefsome, but Parker and Hardison are absolutely supporting Eliot leaving his darker past behind, changing with them for the better - and not just getting away with his own hands clean, but doing the extra work to help others (going after the guy who tried to hire him instead of just leaving town; again when they realize how serious the situation is but stay to fix it). The episode even ends with Eliot literally throwing away the crutch that would allow him to walk on his own, and pull them both in to support him instead. He's in the middle, he's deciding to join them even if he could get by alone, it's all representative for them welcoming him into the relationship too. (I headcanon something went down between them here but it isn't all cleared up relationship-wise until the Toy Job, but either way the themes are there!)

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So with this in mind... The flashback with Hardison/Parker focused on Parker and her fears/decision to enter into a relationship with Hardison. Similarly, the flashback with Eliot/Parker focuses more on him and his desire to join the relationship. For both of them, the episode represents a shift in their relationship with one another, something not entirely unknown before, but a step that is challenging for them personally. Still, this step leads to greater happiness and growth.

All that in mind... what would a Hardison/Eliot episode look like, if we got it in Redemption? I'm getting into slight spoiler territory here, so leave now if you haven't seen the first few episodes.

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Okay, so since we've had more focus on Parker, and on Eliot, this episode would focus most on Hardison. It makes sense as well for his role in the new series, because while Parker and Eliot are a little more stable, Hardison is the one entering a challenging new period of his life that is difficult but helping him grow.

I don't have any kind of full plot figured out, but here are some things I think we might see:

f!Eliot is supportive, confident, and believes deeply in him

f!Hardison is bold, struggles with self-doubt, and upends his own life in order to change the world for the better

I think Eliot's role in this flashback would be smaller, but he'd love f!Hardison deeply and the focus would not be on their relationship developing, but on the challenges it would face as f!Hardison embarks on... whatever it is. It has to be something f!Eliot knows he cannot do, and maybe even something that might mean the end of their relationship (though much like the van gogh job, the love between them is never in question).

I've seen people mentioning a Stonewall flashback episode for these two before, and that's possible. But another thing we could see is f!Hardison working against racist laws or something. Whatever the case, he needs to be doing something that benefits many, many other people, and it needs to put him at personal risk. I'm not entirely sure on what would be holding Eliot back from helping in the same way - it may just be as simple as f!Hardison gives amazing speeches and inspires so many people, while f!Eliot just doesn't have that skill. Maybe he is sick. Maybe, their relationship does end up attracting violence, and he gets hurt (doesn't even have to be their romantic relationship, if we're going a race angle and setting this episode further back, it could just be an open friendship with their romance kept secret. the themes would still be there). Whatever the case, f!Hardison has to leave Eliot behind.

And yeah, this has already happened in canon. We're already here. But if we wanted this episode to happen, I think it would be possible for the themes to still be relevant and the challenge to still be there for Hardison's character, if something brings him back to the team. If something goes down and he isn't there, and it terrifies him that he wasn't there, and he has trouble leaving again even though his work isn't done. Or if he organizes something on his end of the world that goes horribly wrong somehow. Sometimes it's not the first step that's hardest, it's keeping on even after the first big challenge. No road is free of bumps, after all, so Hardison might well think he's fine at first but start having doubts even after things have been going well for a while.

That is where you can bring this episode into play. That's where you start - f!Hardison is already getting involved in activism of some kind, but his own fame brings about negative consequences or something unrelated happens, and it scares him and makes him consider giving his work up. The episode can be bittersweet, with them never reuniting, or it can have a happier ending where he returns and f!Eliot is still waiting for him. But it's important for Eliot to represent a home that Hardison is already comfortable in, and one he has to leave in order to help others (however temporary the leaving is). And we need to see him away from the team, thriving and growing and improving so many peoples' lives in ways that never would have happened without him - both in the flashback, and in the modern part of the episode. In fact, Hardison doesn't even need to actually be physically with the team at all in the modern part of the episode. It can be more like the Broken Wing job, where we get hints at what they are doing but the focus is entirely on him and his struggle.

Of course, I have no idea how this would tie in to a modern heist. But maybe the format could be changed up, if we focus more on Hardison outside of the team. I'm sure there's some way this could be worked. And I think it would do really well in completing the trio of thiefsome episodes, and giving equal emphasis on all three of them in each one.