#and I’m not really applying to enough things atm :/ (read: none)

[biologically-confused]

slowly summer is creeping in (spot the woodpecker)

[softxsuki]

Hello, I’m.. new to this. But reading your works have comforted me … I know you have a lot on your plate, and I hope all is going well for you!! If you,,have the chance,, I’ve kind of.. not been doing well. At all. Haha,, I’ve been extremely suicidal.. for at least the past year. Everything has since fell apart. I’m not sure if this counts, but..it feels urgent, to me..?

My grandmother died, I lost my job due to my health declining so rapidly I physically could not manage. I’ve since applied to so many jobs.. absolutely no luck and.. I even lost my home. Im living with someone else’s parents, and I’m a child scared to leave their room all over again. I can’t eat unless food is in front of me, none of my friends are… good, at comforting, to say the least… I have well over 1K due for medical bills, and no one will even take me for an interview, so I can’t even pay off little by little. Lol..I pretty much moved out at 17 and have been surviving by myself for 6 years now.

Im so tired of surviving.

If.. if you don’t mind.. honestly I don’t even know what kind of scenario this would count as…. Baji has been my biggest comfort character as of late, and I.. well, would you mind,, possibly writing a scenario.. of reader who’s spiraled so far into these thoughts, and in the midst of a panic attack, attempts to.. stop surviving, if you catch my drift..

I know this is very personal, and I’m sorry to dump on you.. if you’re unable, all is well! Thank u for taking time to read my pity story haha.. <3

Baji Helps Suicidal Reader

****Please proceed with caution if mentions of suicide will be more harmful to you than beneficial.*****

Pairing: Baji x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of hopelessness, suicide attempt, crying, not being able to find a job, losing your home

Genre: Hurt Comfort

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: In which Baji shows up as soon as you attempt to take your own life.

[A/N: Hi darling, I'm so glad you found my blog and for feeling comfortable enough to bring your urgent request to me! I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Though I've felt similarly about the the whole job thing. Places these days won't even give people a chance to show what they could do. I graduated from College and couldn't find work immediately. I'm still struggling to find a job in my field even now. I have a job at a bookstore atm, but it took a long time for me to get it. I think when they timing is right though, things will work out for us. We really just need to wait for things to happen and keep working for them! But you're also going through a lot of other situations as well, so my words probably aren't that helpful, so I'll leave that to Baji. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to though. I've been through moments of hopelessness and feeling like leaving this world was my only option, but I'm proof that things will change. There will always be times when we fall, but we can always get back up again! Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you read. I hope it provides you with even just a tiny bit of comfort <3 i love you, hopefully we can talk again soon, you sound very sweet!

Side note: I wasn’t sure if you wanted something platonic or if you wanted to be Baji’s s/o so I left that kinda ambiguous. You could read it either way!

Baji impatiently taps his foot, sitting on his bike outside your place. Where were you?

You had texted him earlier asking him to pick you up since the people you were living with weren’t home and you just needed to get out for a while. He came rushing over as soon as he had a chance and texted you upon arriving, but you weren’t answering his texts–you weren’t even reading them. 

He knew all about your situation in life and had tried his best to be by your side and show you the support that you deserved to have. He wasn’t perfect though, at times it was hard for Baji to truly put himself in your shoes and understand what you were going through.

Now though, he was worried. Why had you texted so desperately that you needed to get out of the house? Why weren’t you answering his texts now?

He turns his engine off and hops off the bike, walking briskly to your front door.

“Y/N! I’m here,” He bangs on the door, hoping you were just distracted and forgot to check your phone to see his texts.

But he’s met with silence. 

“Y/N!” He tries again, panic settling in the pit of his stomach and he bangs harder on the door–something wasn’t right.

He brings his ear to the door hoping to hear any sign of life and that’s when he hears it, the running of water and sobs from the other side. Gathering whatever adrenaline had been building up in him, he rams into the door, which luckily flies open from the impact. The sound of your sobs grows louder the closer he gets to you. You were in the bathroom.

The door is only a crack open, but he races toward the noise, slamming the door fully open and takes in your state; puffy eyes as tears run from them not that he could distinguish your tears from the hot water that was pouring on you from the shower-head. You were sitting in the tub, soaking wet with a bottle of pills in your hands.

Your breathing was erratic as you struggled to open the bottle, but Baji is quick to act. He’s in the shower with you in a second, the burning water scalding his body even through his jacket, but he doesn’t care since it’s now not hitting you anymore. He snatches the pills from your hands, throwing them out the bathroom door and into the hallway where you can’t see them. In your state of panic, you start to flail around, seeing that bottle as your only escape from the mental pain you were experiencing. He finally turns the water off and hoists you up, your attempts to push him away and hit him futile. His adrenaline is still high as he lifts you from the tub with ease and onto the bathroom floor where he plops down next to you, out of breath.

You can’t seem to calm your breathing down as you clutch your chest, searching all around you with wild eyes, looking for a way out. Anything to end your suffering–anything. But then you feel strong arms wrap around you in a hug. You beat down on his back, trying your best to shake him off you. Let go of me, you think to yourself. Maybe you meant it in a different way, Let me go. Let me be free from this pain. But deep down, you wanted him to continue to hold you in place.

“Y/N please-” His voice cracks, making you go still in his arms. What were you doing?

“Please, I’m here. You’re not alone, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” he cries, “So don’t leave me.”

The man who had nerves of steel was breaking right in front of you.

He held you tight, as if he was scared you’d just vanish between his fingers. 

What feels like hours passes by with you both still soaking wet on the floor, clinging to each other, but you slowly manage to calm your breathing and sobs thanks to Baji’s help. 

He had been silent the whole time, focusing on just making sure you wouldn’t try anything else while he was around.

“I’m sorry…” you finally say, resting your head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

He finally loosens his grip on you, but continues to hold you close, caressing your still damp hair, “Why?”

That was a great question. One you couldn’t answer in only a few minutes. Baji knew the basics of what you’d been through, but he didn’t know the turmoil of what you were going through internally–only externally.

“I’m just…tired. Tired of surviving, tired of suffering. I’m barely scraping by. Is this what life’s supposed to be like? I look around at all the happy faces. Everyone seems to be living the ideal life and I’m just here, so why should I bother to exist if I don’t matter.”

He takes in your words, thinking them over, probably repeating them over and over in his head.

“You matter,” he decides to say, “You matter so much. Even if you only matter to one person, isn’t that enough to keep trying? One person can eventually grow into two, and three, and so on.”

“Baji…you don’t know what it’s like. I’ve already tried for so long. It’s been six long years. I’ve tried to see the good in my situation for six years, and yet I only keep getting pushed farther and farther past my limit. I can’t find a job, and because I can’t find a job, I can’t pay off my debt. I’m living in a house that isn’t mine with people who aren’t my family. I’m alone,” you cry out.

By now you had freed yourself from Baji’s arms, but he reaches over and grabs your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, scared that you’d run away from him.

“But if you leave now how do you know that tomorrow won’t be the day that things change?” He asks you, “Look, I know I can’t ever fully understand what goes on through your mind or what you’ve been through up till this point, but you can’t know what your life will be like a few months from now–hell, not even a few days from now. Everything can change in a second, you just need to be around to experience it.”

He brings your hands to his lips, peppering tiny kisses to your knuckles.

“I love you, a lot Y/N. Too much to just let you leave like this. Let’s try focusing on today. Each day has its own troubles, so why should we think about the future and worry ourselves even more for problems we haven’t reached yet? We’ll cross those valleys when we get to them. Right now, I just want you to focus on yourself, getting back on your feet and in a better state of mind,” he tries to console you.

His words definitely reached you. Truth be told, you knew things could maybe change, but it was hard to move forward with such uncertainty. Why couldn’t you know what would happen with your life five years from now? 

“But what if things don’t change. I don’t want to live like this forever. I don’t want to suffer anymore,” you confess, hot tears running down your face.

Baji turns to face you, gently wiping your tears away.

“But what if they do? Don’t you want to stick around to find that out for yourself?” He asks.

You stop and think it over for a moment; a life where things finally turned around–you finally getting called in for an interview and getting a job, receiving an income and finally getting to pay your debts off. Having your own place where you felt comfortable and maybe starting a family of your own…yeah, that did sound nice. As impossible as that future sounded, it was something you craved.

“I guess I do,” you sigh, “Though I wish it could happen now.”

“I know. I wish it could happen now for you as well. I hate to see you suffer so much, but you’re not alone in this. I have your back. So let’s keep fighting okay? Together, let’s see it through till the end when things finally turn around for you.”

“Baji, you know I can’t just feel better overnight. I think I’ll be okay for today, but who’s to tell when I’ll spiral like this again.”

“Then I’ll be here to get you through it again.”

A wave of gratitude flew through you. You don’t know why Baji arrived on time when you were fully ready to leave this world a few minutes ago, but now you were thankful that he had stopped you. You didn’t want to hurt him or leave him alone, but you found a little ball of hope appearing in your heart. Though tiny, it was still present and you hoped it would continue to grow and become reality one day.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Then shall we go? You said you wanted out of here for the day, right?” He goes right back to treating you like he usually would–something you were grateful for. You didn’t want him to walk on eggshells around you after witnessing you at your lowest moment.

“But we’re still wet,” you point-out, looking at his clothes that were still clinging to his body.

“The wind will dry us,” he heaves himself off the floor and holds a hand out to you, “Let’s go.”

You give him your hand as he helps you off the floor. What did you have to lose? At this point you didn’t care, you just needed to get your mind off everything.

Baji leads you out of the house, grabbing the bottle of pills on his way out and throwing them in his jacket pocket, making a mental note to discard them later. You walk past the open door with a lock that was now busted off the wall. You’d have to explain that to the people you lived with, but you’d face that problem when you got to it–just like Baji said. 

You hop on behind him on his motorbike as he passes you his helmet, making sure it’s securely on your head before he drives off. 

For just a moment, the wind seems to blow all the worries from your mind. With your arms wrapped tightly around Baji’s torso, you close your eyes and think of those better days he had spoken about.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to see if they could really happen…

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 2/15/2023

[softprincesso]

✨HOW TO BECOME A WEALTHY MIDDLE-AGED MAN✨

PT.2: Overview to understanding different saving/retirement methods, investments, and forms of income

2.1 Savings and Retirement

Welcome lovelies to (what I hope will be) a helpful series on gaining wealth and becoming financially literate and independent!

*disclaimer: while this advice can generally apply to many it will not apply to all. Everyone is in a different situation and should do their own research before they take what ANYONE says as fact or law. This is also coming from the perspective of a young, biracial, first generation female business student following a hypergamous lifestyle and who does sw so some advice may be specific to my like-minded ladies, but for the most part I just love money and want to help others find joy in their wallets as well. I am also operating in the US so things regarding accounts, stocks, and certain laws will vary by your country. Also, this is just a fun thing I wanted to do because talking about leveling up and learning and growing and money are my favorite past times. None of these pictures are mine, however I am using some links which may compensate me in some way, but I only used links which were mutually beneficial and would help you gain something as well, they are still just actual sources I use for myself.

✨THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND✨

Financial independence is different than financial confidence.

Financial Independence: “The most common sense of the term is that someone has enough wealth to live as they wish for the rest of their life without having to work.” -Investopedia https://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0611/declare-your-own-financial-independence-day.aspx

Financial Confidence: “We define financial confidence as having three aspects,” says Miler. “The first is awareness of how money can be a tool for helping you reach your goals and dreams. The second is financial literacy and understanding economic factors. The third is trust and knowing where to turn for financial advice.” -Forbes https://www.forbes.com/sites/shelleyzalis/2018/06/16/women-money-8-steps-for-growing-your-financial-confidence/?sh=2175b65e2468

While the ultimate goal is financial independence, financial confidence should be the main focus. I’ll give an example why. Imagine there are two people: Rhonda and Jill. Both of them like nice things, love to shop, and participate in the occasional splurge. Rhonda works a regular 9-5 and has a decent salary. She doesn’t have much financial knowledge (translation: financial confidence), but she has a savings account at her local bank and puts a couple hundred into retirement each year and she thinks that's enough. Suddenly, Rhonda wins the lottery. Overnight she has become a millionaire, so she quits her job, moves to LA, and goes on to live life to the fullest. She would now be considered financially independent. However, Rhonda has no idea how to manage all that money. She puts a small amount into that bank savings account and takes the rest to do what she will. One day she tries her luck at a casino, in less than five hours she has lost all of her money and has to start back at square one with no job, only a few thousand to get her through, and no-good way to explain to employers that she just wasted the last 5 years spending money on handbags she now has to sell at a depreciated value. (BTW you would not last not working with only a million dollars in LA for that long)

Now, let’s look at Jill. Jill is an independent contractor and has a relatively steady income. She knows very little about finances, but she actively learns how to manage what she has and keeps up to date on the latest money news. The day that Rhonda won the lottery was just another Thursday for Jill, the only unique point for her was that she opened a savings accounts with a high APY (we’ll say 1%) and put in $5000.00. A little later she also opened a Roth IRA and puts in the maximum yearly allowance of $6000.00. Along the way she opened a brokerage account of her own and started trading in the stock market along with investing in real estate which has given her some extra income to play with each year. Unfortunately, another housing crash occurs, and all of the money Jill invested into real estate is gone. However, since Jill learned the skills behind her choices early on, she is knowledgeable and understands the ups and downs of the market and how to invest her money in other places in the meantime. And, that High yield savings account accrued around $50 more without her doing anything and she has that to fall back on, or worst case she can take out part of her principal Roth IRA contribution. 10 years from now Jill should start to see a steady increase in her Roth IRA that by retirement will be a little over 1 million and she should be comfortable and invested enough into stocks that she gains around $200-1000 extra each month.

I think you understand why you want to be Jill.

✨HAVING ADEQUATE SAVINGS = BEING YOUR OWN LIFEGUARD✨

As discussed in Pt.1 the first goal you should achieve is securing an emergency fund that could sustain you for a couple of months if things were to ever hit the fan, and starting a retirement fund should be in your top 5 goals to complete. The saying, “the rich get richer” is popular for a reason. Wealthy people know how to make their money work for them instead of them having to work for money. An easy way anyone can do the same is by opening the right accounts for your savings and retirement.

Savings: 

All of your savings should be in a high yield saving account or split between different high yield accounts. This is an account which will reward you some interest every period for having money in your account with them. This is incredibly easy to do. You can either research/ask your bank about their high yield accounts or do some googling to find some other bank. Then transfer your money and there you go! When looking at banks understand that the highest Annual Percent Yields (APY), or the interest they will reward you, are going to be from online banks because they have less operational costs than a brick and mortar, but they will also come with their own disadvantages, like less ATMs to access or the inability to use when outside of your country so make sure to look into that. IMPORTANT: Make sure that whatever bank you choose is FDIC-insured so if the bank were to ever collapse or lose your money you have insurance up to $250,000.This won't generate a lot of extra cash, but an extra $20 every year is better than $0.

Retirement:

These accounts usually go by your current situation and what you see for your future.

401K: Probably the most known (I believe it’s only in the States but there might be something close to it in other countries) and that’s just because this is what employers usually offer if they offer anything. It is a retirement fund that your employer will set up and you can predefine how much of your paycheck you want to automatically go into it every time. Sometimes, the employers will also have a match program, and if they do you better max out the money they will contribute because that is FREE money! Most advice that I have seen has said to really only focus on this fund if your employer has that match program, otherwise I would focus on one of the accounts below. https://www.investopedia.com/articles/retirement/08/401k-info.asp

IRA: An IRA stands for Individual Retirement Account. There are three kinds…

                         Traditional: This IRA lets you put in pre-tax money and lets it grow tax-free until you make a withdrawal. Once you make the withdrawal that money is taxed at the current rate of your income at the time. Your contributions are tax deductible so you can write them off of your taxable income of that year. There are limits to how much you can contribute depending on your income, status, and whether you have another retirement fund as well.

                          Roth: With this IRA your contributions are taxed, but when you withdrawal money later on it is tax free. For those of you in a lower tax bracket than you believe you will be in the future, this IRA makes the most sense as you will pay less taxes now than you will when you are 59 ½ (The official age of retirement in the States). There are limits to how much you can contribute depending on your income, status, and whether you have another retirement fund as well.

                           SEP: Simplified Employee Pension. This is also an employer-based plan and may also work better for my self-employed gals out there. I don’t really know a lot on this one so I’ll just leave a link you can look into if it interests you: https://www.investopedia.com/ask/answers/102714/how-does-simplified-employee-pension-sep-ira-work.asp

You can have both a traditional and Roth IRA as long as you are eligible for both. Anyone with earned income (with a job or can prove a steady income) can contribute to a Traditional IRA, however with a Roth IRA, as a single you can earn up to $139,000 and contribute. Personally, if you are just getting started with all of this just set up one IRA and as you learn more you can take steps to get another or switch accounts.

https://www.investopedia.com/retirement/roth-vs-traditional-ira-which-is-right-for-you/

There are a plethora of other accounts, but they are more specialized and the top four should get you started on the right path to saving for retirement. I’m guessing that the majority of the audience reading these are women between the ages of 20-30. Trust me when I say that I love to spend money as much as the next girl, but I also would like to be completely comfortable should anything happen in my older years that screws up my marriage or job, and no one is going to secure that for you.

Also, I’m sorry this is so US-based, but once again it is all I know. I believe IRAs are more widespread than a 401K, but all that takes to find out is a Google search on your part.

Either way, make sure you have a plan going into 2021 for your savings and retirement because this economic whirlwind is far from over and there is always a chance for another recession, depression, or disaster. (Wow O, way to keep the mood light)

This was getting way too long with the investments added so look out for Pt.2.2 on the overview for investments (where the actual fun begins and I can stop being such a stick in the mud)…

VOCAB TO KNOW/RESEARCH:

Financial independence

Financial Confidence

APY

Roth IRA

brokerage account

High yield savings account

principal

401K

Traditional IRA

Once again… if in these posts I ever give bad advice, F- something up, or am just generally ignorant PLEASE call me out! Remember that just like you I am a young woman figuring everything out and while I am confident when talking about money, I am by no means a genius (only in spurts) so any chance to learn I appreciate. I hope you all learned something new today and as always…

With Love,

O

[dragqueenpentheus]

Okay no one has to read this but i DO have to write it:

PYROC VS FATHER PAUL

Ya bitch needs an art break bc im getting angry about voices existing as i try to keep myself entertained. Today is NOT a god one for sinking into repetitive line work and that’s just about all i have on the table atm

SO! Im gunna do a little thinking about my little meow meows all fucked up by religion. Just a comparison for my sanity and interests. Pyroc is my baby i wrote him for the first time years ago. Five?????????? Whadda hell. Going on six.

ANYWAY john joined religion because of his trauma. His sister died and he felt lost. He was unmoored in this fishing village and looking for reason looking for hope. Hed had his heart broken and trying to make sense of tragedy on his own was totally beyond him. Thats why his interactions with riley in AA are SO good like. He knows that confusion and he knows the rhetoric that’s supposed to combat it. Only it dooesnt work for riley.

The same sort of thing happens for pyrc, only inverted. Loss urns him away from god and religion because its SO strong in his family and not only is he loosing trust in god, but his kin as well. He’s suspicious there’s mre they arent telling him, at the point of his fathers death. And he agrees to, on the surface, absolutely wholly throw himself in to being the second the family and the village need. But he’s keeping his treachery under wraps.

That’s one of the coolest things about father paul imo is like. That slow unraveling of what is. Frankly. An awful half assed plan, driven by fear and loneliness and desperation and dementia and love. Even VERY obvious things like. Taking down the newspaper photo of his young self ‘slip’ by him. I think, on some level, its DEEPLY intentional. He wants people to CHOOSE this. He wants people like bev. He wants people who see him and are in aw of him beating god. Of killing death. He wants to be worshiped and adored and for people to come to him willingly, no tragedy driving them to his arms.

Pyroc also wnats to be worshipped, but he ALSO wants to do the worshipping. He really longs for an element of almost????? But not quite??? Subjection?? He wants to be shown something and for a Great Voice to tell him, unquestioningly and unerringly that it is GOOD. Full stop. And then he wants to spend his life worshipping it. But this booko is an exploration of how….. no such thing exists. And more importantly no great voice exists either. There is nothing wholly good, nothing wholy evil. His lack of faith in himself once he becomes god is him starting to understand that as well. Thats on purpose baked into the lore. The starting point was ‘what if god was a position and in order to get promoted you had to be a murderer. No matter what’. He understands things are not wholly good, at that point. I onder how long it will be for him to realize they are not fully evil as well?

Bc pruitt does hm hm hm an interesting move. Where he takes something the narritve is very sure to communicate is EVIL no wiggle room just fact. Even if its driven by animal instinct its. Evil. And he makes it, not just good, but HOLY. And god i LOVEEEE that for him i ADOREEE that what a MOVE. Driven by desperation and dementia and relief and ‘if god saved me than maybe i can be good despite loving and sinning and maybe if i defeat god then i will be Thee Good’. SO sexy of him. Im really fascinated by his morality. He seems to have an understanding of the shades of grey in some respects??? But if he had a BETTER one with more forgiveness in his heart i feel like hed have left the church anyway after sarah was born??? Even if millie didnt ask him??? That might just be my own sensibilities creeping in but ….. like he culd have seen her on the weekends. He can do other jobs. Hes straight (??? Not totally convinced of this) he could have just dated her that makes me crazy. LIKE OBV HE HAD LINES HE THOUGHT THAT WOULD CROSS AND HE HAD INTERNALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE RULES AND SHE WAS MARRIED AND ECT ECT i know he couldnt have really but. Thye were straight. They coulda.

Im not gunna do fantasy homophobia bc i think its …………….. Boring. But i think some element of??? The vindlegaurd line MUST be passed along and for that particular rules must be applied. But thats also boring as hell :/ maybe i can work in my parthenogenesis lore?????????? I bet pyroc would love building that spell in any universe. That’s the sequal when he goes to magic university in helsin. But yeah i do like the concept that. Anyone can have a baby thru magic its just a time and energy commitment. Just a matter of wanting it enough together. Every baby is so deeply wanted and its mere existence is proof. Thats dope i love that. HMMM to be decided at a later date when im deeper into the story i think. I still havent figured out fully how and where and why orion is going to be invovled and if???? Pyroc and orion are even going to be romantic??????? Im torn im TORn…….

Thikns about john bonding w sarah over science and learning and starts wEEPING…. Like theres some surity beloved. Its just a matter of uncovering. I think sarah felt that same thirst for answers and hunted them differently. Her faith is in logic and science. I loveeee her god. Every scene w her and her dad absolutely RUIN me like!!!!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW LOVED SHE IS!!!!!! I hope at hte very end she saw the blood as the gesture of love it SO clearly was and not him trying to poison her. God i love that she spat it out. GOD. Thats about being gay, btw. Spits the religious offering that could save you across the gasoline soaked church floor like BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we as a collective should talk about the possibiites around sarah/erin more. Bc their defiance combined would be. Earth SHATTERING for crockett.

In the future pyroc gets a kid. Ever since that campaign where Enemy ended up playing his daughter im like. How did i NOT know this idiot wanted nothing more in the entire world than to travel it with his daughter. I dont care how or why hes getting a kid. Hed be so doting and awful abut it. He would need orion as a co-parent for the kids self esteem to be normal levels. thINKS ABOUT PAUL GETTING TO RAISE SARAH AND JUST ABSOLUTELY GASSING HER UPPPPPPPP HANGING EVERY DOODLE SHE EVER MADE ON TEH FRIDGE. BOASTING ABOUT HER SCEINECE PROJECT OT ANYONE WITHIN EYESIGHT EVEN THOUGH ‘WE K N O W JOHNWE WERE ALL AT THE SCEINCE FAIR’!!!!!!!!!!! Let these fuck ups be doting fathers im fucking begging. That scene where paul is like. You take ccare of everyone on the island sarah. Its more than being a doctor. You comfort them.

HM HM comfort is such a thing for Miss Bitch like!! He sees it as a Good Thing. He tries to bring it for riley by asking to hold the AA meetings on island ((also manipulation. Obvously also manipulation. I wouldnt have bene shocked if he was slipping the vampire blood into the coffee every meeting either. But thats just a theory. A game theory.)) ANYWAY he sees comfort as hly. The church gave it to him when he needed it. The angel gave it to him in the cave. Feeling safe and warm is HIGH on his list of priorities and what makes him hand over respect.

I think pyroc has lived a very comfortable life in SO many ways, but in none he. Activly recognizes. A key part of his character arc his him…. Opening his eyes to the world around them. Seeing the privilege he has and being like. Wait. This isnt Right. We have to change thi. And when no one agrees ti shifts to I have to change this. With Violence. A little revolutionary <3 it only costs the life of his whole ass family

Thats more fun comparison ground like…… paul is SO much about I know whats right and there is a cost but i AM ignoring it. Like HE KNOOOOWSSSS he knooooows he just doesnt want o See. I’m not sure if im going to surprise yroc with the ……megadeath of. His whole family. Or if it’s a choice he has to activly make. I think a choice makes it more compelling, more layerd. It has to be in the moment though, becaus ei think thats. A key difference between them. Pyroc wouldnt do it.. hed just leave hed peace out and do what he could in small ways. But he wouldnt do his big stand off with god. Hed shrink his goals in order to not hurt his family. Out of love?? Intimidation?? Some instinct wihtin him that balks at the idea of disobedience??? I think even he doesnt know. But i LOVE john becaue he jsut decides to lie. He closes his eyes and says i am being stupid on purpose. I think thats PERHAPS more compelling than good guy coward pyroc BUT!!!!! Thats who he is rip to ths little man. Cant change him now hes a whole ass child in my head. The PLOT i can change. Him….. not without massive character development <3

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MM set my brain on FIRE!!!! Im so glad nano is coming up. I love sharpening pyroc against the comparison of other AMAZING characters. Father paul hill my beloved millstone <3 anyway sorry to anyone who reads this its literally me unhinging my jaw and emptying my brain out. I had to write stuff that wasn’t novel or fic. A little character time down and dirty. I wil NOT be editing this love and light to future me trying to decode this

[allsassnoclass]

@ashtcnirwin made a tag game and @pixiegrl and @redrattlers (the Ems!!!) tagged me so! here we go! this got long so it’s under a read more

1. what was your first encounter with fanfiction?

Okay it was on fanfiction.net but I don’t remember what fandom??? this was a long time ago folks

2. your favourite creation of your own of all time if you create stuff (feel free to link it)?

My favorite of all time is probably Puzzle Pieces!  That’s an instance where I really wrote a fic that I myself wanted to read so it’s incredibly self-indulgent and there’s a decent amount of projection, but I still think about it all the time.  In other creative mediums though I did just make a face mask for my friend and the fabric had little monsters on it and it was really cute

3. what vibe are you going for with your home decor (or what vibe do you wanna go for one day, if you don’t have your own place atm)?

I don’t have my own place, I’m always either in my childhood home or a dorm room, and I guess I’m not sure what vibe I’d go for?  I’d want it to feel welcoming for sure, and not boring.  None of this minimalism stuff, and I want colors like if everything is just white I think I’ll go out of my mind

4. first fandom you ever joined? what was it like? on what platform did it happen?

I think that would be superwholock like that’s what I really consider to be my first Fandom Experience and I guess tumblr would be the platform

5. what are your sun, moon and rising signs, and do you think they make sense in relation to how you know yourself?

Aries/aries/taurus but tbh I really just don’t overly care about astrology like every thing about it is vague enough that parts of descriptions could apply to anyone so there are definitely aspects that make sense but there are also aspects that don’t

6. if you write and/or read fiction (original or fanfiction), do the tropes/plots/character types you typically seek out to read and/or write about reflect something about you as a being or how you see the world?

oh heck yeah.  this is something that I've thought a lot about because I love psychoanalyzing myself but like the found family trope? it’s because I’m yearning for a strong platonic group of friends who will love me fully and who I can love fully.  the fake relationship thing is because I'm obsessed with 1. how people, relationships, and dynamics are perceived from the outside and 2. the performative aspect fascinates me as someone who does a fair amount of acting and 3. I think a lot about feelings vs. actions and which means more or how they can affect each other.  Friends to lovers types of stories appeal to me because that line between platonic and romantic is something that keeps me up at night.  I love characters who keep fighting for good and who try so desperately to add good to the world because I believe that people are inherently good and that they are always worth fighting for. etc etc etc I could go on but I think I've vibe checked myself enough here

7. what is the hardest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far in life?

Probably reconciling my faith with my sexuality and navigating what it means for me personally when the outside world consistently said things that I didn’t agree with or that implied that those two important aspects of myself were mutually exclusive when they aren’t (I was going to shout out the priest who helped me do this with literally one sentence he said once but I just googled him and if I had put his last name everyone definitely could’ve figured out where I go to school so! shout out anyway but he will remain without proper credit)

8. what is your all time favourite song(s)?

Alone Together by Fall Out Boy, Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas, Babylon by 5sos, and Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows

9. what do you look for in a person you wanna keep in your life, be it a friend or a romantic partner or anything in between?

Similar morals.  That’s really the main one.  I also need to be able to fully be myself around them without feeling judged, because I’m weird and also a lot to handle tbh like I'm really passionate and loud and can have a one track mind while simultaneously being all over the place.  they also need to be okay with me talking about catholicism a lot because that’s the most important aspect of my identity to me

10. this is a bit of a difficult one, but have you ever had a moment of clarity, a conversation with someone that made you go “oh!”, or anything along those lines?

yeah when I found out there was a word for asexuality!  I also do have a lot of religious epiphanies typically during confession tbh

I’m not going to try to tag people honestly tagging folks stresses me out so!  if you have not been tagged yet and you want to do this and have read this far, then by all means please be my guest!

[szopenhauer]

Give me a random word in another language. Tell me what it means. ulica - street or czekolada - chocolate *I bet you read/spell those wrong :P

How long does it roughly take you to do grocery shopping? depends, I’m pretty fast, especially if I buy local but sometimes there’s no product I need in the store so I go to another 

Which city would you like to visit- Rome, London or Paris? London, then Paris, then Rome

Would you rather visit Australia or Germany? Germany, I have no interest in Australia at this point

Would you prefer a pet rat, mouse, snake, lizard or spider? rat or mouse, definitely not a spider because of M.

Can you play the violin? If not, would you like to? no and no

Can you keep a pokerface and not show your emotions easily? often

Are you a good liar (tell the truth this time)? can be but I don’t like to lie

Are you wearing shoes, just socks or nothing on your feet? ugg slippers and fuzzy socks

Do you prefer to write etc, etcetera or something else? etc itp itd and such

Do you think rainbows are pretty or overrated? overrated

Are you more skeptical or gullible? skeptical

How often do you drink sodas or fizzy drinks? never

Do you currently live in the same country you were born in? sure

Do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? sometimes

Do you like carrot cake? gross

Don’t you hate it when people say ‘I don’t mean to be rude but…’? omg

How good is your memory? ha ha ha 

Is there anyone you love, whose name starts with M? XD

Have your neighbors ever complained that your music/TV was too loud? weird but they actually didn’t!

How many zeroes occur in your mobile phone number? none

Are you currently wearing anything green? am not

Name an animal that starts with the 2nd letter of your middle name. -

Have you ever had feelings for someone whose name started with S? yup

How many red lipsticks do you own? old one, past expiration date 

What are you doing to improve or maintain your health currently? my best lmfao which is not enough, if only I had money...

Do you ever look at someone’s social media posts and feel a little jealous? who doesn’t?

Do you like how your hair looks today? I washed them last night but didn’t look at myself in the mirror in the morning just yet

What health problem are you struggling with currently? list is too long

Do you take life day by day? I’m on survival mode

Do you have a lot of questions? would say so

List 10 fashion trends you like/dislike. current? I’m not aware... let me check  according to Vogue there are puffy sleeves that I’m not into but they’re not gross, gold - fine if not too much I suppose, cardigans - I prefer not open tops but sometimes they’re useful indeed, check pattern (no surprises here - checkered stuff for summer? groundbreaking) - same opinion as with puffy sleeves, maybe it’s the fact of popularity and fall stereotypes that pushes me away from the thing but... nvm, lets move on! fringe - bags with it are noice but I prefer to not use smth that might cause an accident... matrix coats? why not?! Nat’s Spike mode - count me in? gonna feel like a leather couch again, red color causes my anxiety and anger issues but in small doses is like gold I mentioned above, suits are Vinnie’s but I don’t mind ‘em for specific occassions, inflate bottoms aren’t casual so not no chance of using that in everyday life, masculine fashion? POSITIVELY TRIGGERED - love me some bad boy vibes - excited AF, back to black - classy, what else is there to say? ;)

Are you ready for Jesus to come back? please

Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? hopefully?

Do you have too much clutter in your home? we are hoarders/maximalists 

If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? *shrug*

Have you ever taken a photo every day for a year? no patience for shit like that, sorry

Do you have way too many photos stored on your computer? oh well...

Do you take a lot of selfies? probably 

Do you ever multi-task? usually

Are you multi-tasking right now? not really atm

Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? we’re engaged 

Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? poniekąd na koloniach  był taki chłopczyk, którego nikt nie lubił, najmłodszy, no i mi go było żal, że Aneta (w jego wieku, moja koleżanka) nie chce z nim tańczyć to się nad nim zlitowałam i od razu mnie polubił, przyniósł mi kwiatki jakieś wodne i potem po prostu przestałam się nim zajmować bo nasza opiekunka szukała dziewczyn dla takiego grubszego chłopaka nieśmiałego i dzięki temu miał grono fanek, ale wybrał akurat mnie i to mi pochlebiało, dał mi swoją czapkę z daszkiem na trochę (potem wyjechał szybciej niż inni więc mu oddałam i w sumie trochę szkoda było iż nie miałam z nim kontaktu bo się wstydziłam poprosić - mówili na niego LODÓWA), w końcu zdeterminowana wziąć kolonijny ślub uczepiłam się wręcz Łukasza (kolegi tamtego - Piotra czy Pawła) i nawet miałam pierścionek zrobiony specjalnie dla nas przez kowala oraz dyplom, wykonywaliśmy zadania i wyniósł mnie na rękach (ledwo) i suknię ślubną skleciłam hahaha, a tak na serio robiłam to tylko żeby się pochwalić, że ktoś mnie chciał, nie ważne kto, a tamten pierwszy malec mnie za to kopnął w dupę (serio) i musiałam się z nim godzić przy wychowawcy, ale mnie unikał jak ognia obrażony potem, wszyscy byli ode mnie kilka lat młodsi ^^”  taka byłam, albo to była Anya/Amy, nie wiem, chciałam się dopasować, moje BPD ze mnie wyłaziło ehh  jeśli to się nie liczy to były potem też przecież momenty kiedy przerzucałam się z jednej dziewczyny na drugą zainteresowaniem bardzo szybko, czasami wracałam do poprzedniej byleby dostać odrobinę uwagi, czuć sie potrzebna, nie być taka samotna czy coś - ale nie liczyłam na nic poważnego, żyłam tu i teraz, żeby nie odstawać, bo przyszłości przecież i tak miałam nie mieć, więc dowartościowanie się jedynie wchodziło w grę lub poczucie przynależności, bycie opcją, wręcz masochistycznie nawet jak wiadomo, swego rodzaju bezpieczeństwo - flirt/zabawa

How many windows are open on your computer? shitload

Have you ever laughed at something that wasn’t meant to be funny? whoops

Have you done anything sneaky lately? maybe 

Does someone have feelings for you? it seems 

Are you hard to please? am I? I’m picky about some things but usually it’s not my fault like food, sigh...

Relationship to the last person you called? my doctor

What color shirt are you wearing? grey

Is there anything you wish you did today? Why haven’t you done it? I plan, I’ll try

What were you doing before you started this survey? bunch of things

Can you honestly say that you love yourself? umm...

Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset? sadly

Do you own a pair of uggs? have ‘em on! as I already said above

Has the person you have feelings for ever told you that you’re attractive? I don’t believe her

Do you hide your feelings or show them? depends, usually show tho

Do you like to have long hair or short hair? short 

Do you think relationships are hard? everything is but point is if it’s worthy

Any friends who are constantly venting about their significant other? luckily no longer have any friends like that, no friends at all actually

Have you ever been ice-skating? just once and don’t wanna

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? often

Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? I haven’t

Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? nope

Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm? eww, hell no

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? yeah, gross

When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it? sometimes, I might

Do you like Musicals? nooo

Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? no comment

When was the last time you cried? that night from happiness :3

What kind of bottoms are you wearing? my SW pajama pants but gonna change now

What do you hear right now? my mom talking <rolling my eyes>

In the past week have you got your hair cut? nope

In the past week have you felt sad? obvi

Has someone disappointed you recently? yep

If you could pack up and move, would you? asap

What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? I’m scared to...

What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? my gf proposing to me for example?

What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? bread, I wish I had variety :(

When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? with my mother it’s frequent 

What was the last thing you changed your mind about? it’s a rollerclaster XD

Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? dad and M. - I wish I could count on my other parent and sister...

[antonixfawley]

About: Antoni Fawley

“ I’ll keep all my plans close to my chest . . . ”

Introduction

name: Antoni Fabian Fawley also known as: Toni age: 23 birthday:  January 30 astrological sign:  Aquarius species:  Human gender:  Male pronouns:  He/Him orientation: Queer

Past/Bio

Early life: Antonio was raised by two loving parents, Peter and Lena Fawley. His father’s family came from a long line of pureblood, members of the sacred twenty-eight in fact. Though his family did keep their bloodline pure, they only did so out of tradition, and not because they really put much stock into blood purity. The Fawley’s were a long line of Hufflepuffs, with nearly every member being sorted into the badger house, aside from those who married into the family, such as Antoni’s mother. So of course he was raised on values of loyalty and hard work, kindness and gratitude, all the makings of another fine Hufflepuff student. Antoni never really clicked with those things, though. He wasn’t as interested in family activities as he was in reading alone in his room, he found making in depth maps of the land surrounding his family home much more engaging than playing silly games or doing chores on those lands. He had difficultly finding time alone growing up, as his father insisted he stay out and spend time with his siblings as well as aunts, uncles and cousins who were always at the estate for one reason or another. From fancy dinner parties to family game night to simply having tea, the Fawley’s adore entertaining guests. Antoni’s mother understood though, the polish witch being a bit introverted herself, she knew her oldest son was a bit more like her than his fathers side of the family. She would let Antoni leave dinner a bit early some days, or skip out on tea to have some alone time. She let him stay up later so he could read a few more pages of whatever book he was on at the time, when his siblings had to go to bed early. Growing up in a household with such high expectations for their children to be a certain way, Antoni became quite calculated in his behavior. He chose when to sneak away and when to be present with family, quickly learning when the right time to speak was, and when he should hold his tongue. He kept most of his thoughts to himself, already being so distant from his siblings and family, he didn’t want to further alienate himself by making any wrong moves. Hogwarts: When Antoni went off to Hogwarts, his whole family was ecstatic to see the eldest son find a place in the line of Hufflepuff legacies, but when the sorting hat touched his head, it had no hesitation before shouting out “Ravenclaw!” to the hall. Most children would be mortified of not being placed in their family’s house, but all of a sudden he saw a sea of blue rise up and welcome him in, a sea of people just like him. He felt like all his years of running off to find a quiet spot, staying up late in secret to read or write were validated now, he wasn’t the odd one out anymore. Antoni’s family, of course, were supportive anyways. After all, what kind of Hufflepuff wouldn’t support their family? There was always teasing though, and his siblings and countless Hufflepuff cousins never let him forget that he was different, he was odd, but he didn’t mind what they said. He knew who he was and he didn’t care what anyone else thought. Toni’s years at Hogwarts gave him time to grow and branch out, finding interest in astronomy, arithmatic, potions, and history the most, though he excelled in all his courses. He continued his hobbie of map making, working tirelessly to document every part of the castle that he could, drawing extensive separate maps of each floor and the grounds. He found many friends in ravenclaw, as well as some outside his house, though he always preferred to be alone when given the chance. He didn’t really find much interest in dating for the first few years of school, but around fifth year, his friends around him began to couple up he knew he needed to blend in with the behavior and found himself beginning to flirt and be more outgoing with other students. His family credits these years as when he started to blossom, as he began to stop secluding himself and interacted much more with others. He enjoyed these little flirtations he found, and some even blossomed into relationships, though they never lasted long. He wasn’t very focused on actually finding love or romance, he was just having fun with what he found to be a challenge. He wanted to see how easily he could get someone to trust him and fall for him, often playing mind games with the people he dated. Antoni grew into an extremely intelligent, calculating, and focused individual, crafting a reputation for himself as a charming, friendly young man with a bit of a heartbreaker streak. Current life: After leaving Hogwarts, Antoni ventures into various places of employment, testing out office jobs, interning at various places, including the Daily Prophet for a spell, though it didn’t last long. None really ever did since he was easily bored and would just quit, getting a new job whenever he wanted. Due to the high marks he reached on both his OWL and NEWT exams, pretty much any job was available to him. Then, Antoni had found an interest in Ministry work, and law had always been eye catching to him as well. Currently, he has been working as an intern for the Auror department at the ministry of magic. He found a place with the Death Eaters not long after graduation, his intellect and moral ambiguity being good qualities for him to apply to the group. He had never grown up being taught about blood purity, but he of course learned of it in school and was quickly swayed. After all, he was a Fawley, a member of the Sacred Twenty-eight. In his mind, he deserved a spot at that table, and he was going to get what he was owed.

About

personality: charming, calculated, friendly, intelligent, and self-serving label:  The Facade positive traits:  clever, passionate, level-headed negative traits: self-serving, two-faced, easily bored alignment: True Neutral goals/desires:  find something that interest him and holds his interest, gain power in society fears:  being bored, not finding anything engaging that can intellectually challenge him hobbies:  map making, reading, writing, calligraphy. habits: zoning out, over explaining things, lying

Appearance

Face claim:  Thomas Doherty height: 6ft eye color: Blue hair description: * color: Dark Brown * highlights: none * length: medium * worn: shaved on the sides, long on top, usually messy and tousled or styled up scars:  none piercings:  none tattoos: drawing of the golden ratio with a shell and an outline of Poland on his right forearm. A quill on the back of his neck, if you look closely the ink is actually dark blue, not black. clothing style: Clean, often a t shirts and jeans with a flamboyant statement jacket. For work he wears a suit, often dark blue. usual expression: Neutral, basically has RBF distinguishing characteristics: speaks polish sometimes. health physical ailments:  none neurological conditions: insomnia allergies:  none sleeping habits:  bad he doesn’t sleep enough eating habits:  also bad he isn’t starving tho exercise habits: decent he likes to keep in shape emotional stability: he isnt very emotional and doesn’t get worked up by much sociability: he’s quite sociable only because he forces himself to be to make himself look good, he would rather not be social. body temperature: cold addictions:  coffee/tea/energy drinks(caffeine) drug use: social alcohol use: moderate-high

Relationships

father:  Peter Fawley, distant, he doesn’t really understand his son but still has a civil and kind relationship. mother:  Lena Fawley, positive, his mother is supportive of him and they are close siblings:  distant, less positive, since his siblings don’t like how much he distances himself from them. relatives: Most- neutral, distant, he doesn’t associate with most of his relatives. Jasper Travers (cousin), positive, friendly. family line of work:  Ministry work, quidditch players, politicians.   best friends:  open!!! cohorts:  Scorpius Malfoy, Marcelina Bloem, Daisy Dursley, Doe Creevy, Dominique Weasley, Dylan Parkinson idk there’s a lot significant other: none atm gimme crush: open exes: open!! Pls hmu for this connection I’m sure he has loads followers: plots frenemies: plots enemies: gimme plots

Education

school:  Hogwarts house:  Ravenclaw best core class:  Astronomy, potions, charms, defense against the dark arts worst core class:  Care of Magical Creatures quidditch:  no extra-curricular: astronomy club idk probably others I can’t think rn

Magic

wand: * length: 10 3/4 inch * flexibility: unyielding flexibility * wood: Elder * core: Unicorn Hair pets:  none boggart:  boredom animagus/patronus:  Wild Rabbit amortentia: old books, grass, firewood

Favorites

theme song:  wait for it- Hamilton food: toast drink:  coffee/tea color:  navy blue animal:  mouse flower:  lavender season: fall

[eldritchsurveys]

347.

1. Can you remember what you were doing at 8:15 this morning? >> Yeah, I was taking a walk.

2. In your phone’s contacts, who is the first person listed under the letter ‘R’? When did you last see that person? >> ---

3. If someone is sticking their nose into your business where it isn’t wanted, how would you deal with that? Would you say something to them? >> I just refuse to indulge their curiosity. I mean, I’m assuming this is my business we’re talking about. If they’re nosing into someone else’s business, well, it’s that person’s business to stop them, not mine. Otherwise then I am also nosing into their business by butting in, lmao.

4. What did you have for lunch today? Or, if you haven’t had lunch yet, what do you think you will have? >> I didn’t have lunch. I don’t really eat concrete “meals” per se, I just eat when I’m hungry / when I have the chance.

5. Is there someone you desperately want to see/speak to atm, but you can’t? >> No.

6. Do you and your significant other have a special song? What is it? >> No.

7. If you HAD to sing something on karaoke, what song would you choose? >> You don’t have to force me to sing karaoke, lmao, I’ll do it willingly. What I choose depends on what’s available and what kind of energy I feel like bringing to the [metaphorical... or literal] stage.

8. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? >> No.

9. What time is it now? Are you tired? >> 4.40p EST. No.

10. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? >> ---

11. What if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted? >> The last person I kissed was an inworlder, so by default there’s no way this is possible. But if it was, the last person I texted was Sparrow, and I think it’d be pretty cool if she and Can Calah had a night together, lmao. As long as she shares Ulfric with me. ~*

12. The last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them? >> ---

13. Can you remember what your parents bought you for Christmas last year? >> ---

14. Think about the person you fell hardest for. Why do you think your feelings for this person were so strong? How is he/she different compared to everyone else you’ve had feelings for? >> ---

30. Have you ever caught your friend cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have, what did you do about it? If you haven’t, what do you think you would do? >> I haven’t been in this situation, no. I don’t know what I’d do about it, because I can’t even imagine being in the situation.

31. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? >> I mean, he wasn’t my only relationship at the time, so I just... resumed life as it was before he wrecking-balled his way through it.

32. Has any of your friends ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend that you found attractive, and you would secretly have liked to have for yourself? >> Yeah, and you know what happened? We ended up having a thing on the side. And then I eventually told my friend and she went the fuck off on me (actually when I told her she didn’t go off. she went off the next day when I least expected it. I haaaaaate it when people do blindsiding shit like that, lmao, just go off the first time) and we stopped being friends. After like 8 years. So, definitely not my finest or most intelligent moment.

33. How many guys do you know named Matthew? >> Right now, none.

34. Think about the last person that made you cry. Would that person be there for you if you needed help? >> I’m pretty sure that people who hurt me badly enough to make me cry about it are definitely not the kind of people who would be there for me if I needed help. I wouldn’t even want them there, at that point.

35. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? Do you remember what you talked about? >> ---

36. Has someone of the opposite sex made you cry at any point during the last 24 hours? >> No.

37. Is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex? >> Absolutely not. I’m perfectly happy with him having the last word forever if it means I never have to deal with what I dealt with again.

38. If your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? Have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it? >> This is, like, so inapplicable.

39. In your opinion, what is the difference between having a crush and being in love? Have your own experiences helped you to realise that there is a difference? >> I don’t know what the difference is, this isn’t something I have a whole lot of knowledge about in the first place. 

40. Did the last person you hugged have any of these letters in their name: T, R, K, P, J? >> ---

41. What’s the most unhealthy thing you’ve eaten in the last 24 hours? >> Uh... I’m not sure. A bag of Sun Chips? Not terribly unhealthy, but nothing else I ate was either, so.

42. What was the last compliment you received from someone of the opposite sex? >> ---

43. Who did you last say ‘I love you’ to? What colour are that person’s eyes? >> ---

44. If you took away the first and third letters of your name, what would you then be called? >> Odred.

45. Name 7 things that make you happy, and explain how it might affect you if you had to give them up. >> Getting to pet dogs I see when I’m out in public, reading really interesting books, having an engaging conversation, listening to music, curling up in bed with my plushies and Netflix when it’s cold out, remembering when I saw The Phantom of the Opera on stage earlier this year, being in line at the store or something and someone’s kid interacts with me. Obviously, I’d have less happy moments if those things didn’t happen anymore, how else do you think it’d affect me...?

46. Think about your Facebook profile photo. What kind of assumptions do you think a stranger might make about you, from seeing that photograph? Would any of these assumptions be correct? >> ---

47. You buy a bar of chocolate, but you decide that you don’t want to eat it now, and put it in the fridge. When you go back later, half of it’s gone - someone else has started eating it! Who are you most likely to blame? >> I mean, the only other person I live with is Sparrow, so I’d assume she ate half of it. Which is fine, because it takes me like 2 years to finish one bar of chocolate and I’m fine with sharing with someone who likes it more than I do.

48. Choose 5 friends, and talk briefly about each person’s longest/most serious relationship. Who was the relationship with, and how long did it last? >> ---

49. Do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? Explain. >> First of all, why would I even bother having an opinion about this...

50. Is there something happening in the near future, that you’re looking forward to? >> Not really. All the exciting stuff will be happening in October and December.

[holydramon]

bnha digimon au but this time it’s lore! Part 1 of ???

This post is super long, so please blacklist the taga #bnha digimon au and/or #long post if you don’t want to see it. I’ll try to add a read more to this later, but I can’t on mobile. Sorry!

ok so I put some of the Digimon lines I’d give characters here, but I think it’d be cool if I explain the lore of the actual au! Also please note I might eventually go over actual headcanons I have about characters and the partners at some point, but I won’t atm since that would make this way to long plus I haven’t really… Made hcs for every character yet.

This also is more or less exactly what digimon are in this universe and like how the Digital World is in this post. Not too much about relationships of how Digimon effect hero work or anything. I’ll probably make a part 2 where it’s more about the BNHA aspect of this than the Digimon aspect, but as of now I don’t feel too qualified to talk about that that stuff since I’m nowhere near caught up on bnha and don’t want to accidentally contradict anything oof.

- This is more or less a custom/my unique take on a Digimon universe. So, it won’t adhere to any specific universe canon and may ignore typical canon. That said, this will borrow some elements of/be based on the Adventure universe more than others, since it’s the one I’m most familiar with.

- I will start with some of the more general stuff before getting into the nitty-gritty of what are digimon and how does this universe work stuff. Such as: Most civilians only ever reach their partner Digimon up to Perfect. While it is possible for a regular civilian to have a Digimon capable of digivolving up to Ultimate, it is very uncommon.

- Some people can’t even get their Digimon over Adult level during their life, though that’s more uncommon than being able to get up to Perfect.

- Something I want to note about the above two is this: there’s nothing wrong about not being able to reach Ultimate and everyone is technically capable of getting their Digimon to Ultimate, most just Digimon have no need to and never get the appropriate training to do so. Same thing with not being able to get up to Perfect. While most people’s Digimon can get up that high, they usually have no reason to anyway.

- That said, Quirkless people are much more likely to never be able to get their partner past Adult level than people with Quirks.

- Digimon have a form they usually stay in, ranging from Baby I - Adult. It is extremely uncommon for a Digimon to stay usually at Baby I though, and it’s also unusual for one to usually stay at Baby II (that’s why only one person I’ve done the line lists for has their Digimon stay at Baby II, it’s extremely uncommon, especially for people training to be a hero). Most stay at Child form, as usually shown.

- As for staying Adult, only Digimon with a relatively small Adult form stay in Adult most of the time, for convenience. Not everywhere is gonna ceilings high enough for your T-Rex to walk around under.

- You may wonder why I said it only ranges from Baby I - Adult when in the list I had Grappu Leomon italicized for All Might! Well that’s because he (and technically Midoriya and maybe AfO) is the only one able to keep his partner in Perfect 24/7. He technically can’t anymore after the accident, with Grappu Leomon reverting to Gazimon when All Might reverts to Toshinori.

- Crests don’t really “exist”. But they kinda do? Ok that sounds weird but let me explain: Crests as we know it, don’t really exist. The concept of Crests sort of do though, but they don’t really mean anything. Basically, it’s more or less just another category the Digimon is part of. Kind of like Attributes, Fields, and Types. This however is called Alignment. Most Digimon are Aligned with nothing, so their Alignment is “None”. However, if a Digimon is an Armor or one of the Perfects or Ultimates of one of the Adventure Digimon, they are aligned to their related crest. For example, Halsemon is “Love” aligned and Angewomon would be “Light” aligned. Tailmon however, would be a “None” alignment, since she isn’t an Armor or a Perfect or Ultimate of an Adventure Digimon partner.

- In case your wondering why that is, it more or less is because no Crest is required to digivolve a Child to Adult in Adventure. Same with Baby I to Baby II or Baby II to Child. Perfects and Ultimates are tied to the Chosen’s crests. Also the Chosen don’t exist by the way, but I thought it would make sense for these Digimon shown to be connected specifically to a crest to also be apart of the Crest alignment thing Armors are part of.

- Ok, so that’s what Crest Alignment is, but what does it mean? …Not much. It more or less just means that the person partnered with a Digimon with a Crest Alignment has some sort of strength in that Crest. For example, the Adult level for Denki’s Digimon is Lighdramon, which is Friendship Aligned. That basically just means he’s a good friend. Also, even if I am considering talking about HCs or reasonings for each character in something separate, I feel like my reasoning for giving Mina a Knowledge Aligned Digimon will be questioned, which is… Fair. I’m gonna justify it with, Mina may not be smart in a book smart way, but I do think she’s social/street smart.

- Crest Alignment was literally a concept only made because I had to figure out how to explain Armor Digimon and the Crest symbols on them exist in this Universe, considering Digimentals and Crests don’t exist.

- Appmon exist in this universe, but their regular Digimon pretty much. They technically are considered a Digimon subspecies and are a bit rarer, but they work like normal Digimon. The only difference is that an Appmon line can only have Appmon in it, apart from the Baby I and II. So you can’t go from Gatchmon to Tobucatmon or Gazimon to Logamon.

- Virus Digimon can be partnered with/be Heroes. Vaccine Digimon can be partnered with/be Villains. Neither of those are uncommon, but just like how people with “villainous” quirks are judged, people with “villainous” Digimon are too.

- Digimon kinda digivolve into levels during g certain ages of their partner. Baby I and II is usually while their partner is a baby of course. They usually start to be able to digivolve into Child during elementary school. They usually are first able to digivolve into Adult during middle school or high school, and Perfect during adulthood. Ultimate is almost always achieved first during adulthood.

- Quirkless people also tend to have their Digimon gain forms slower than the above, with it being not too uncommon to not get to their Child level until Middle School.

- In order to apply to UA, your partner must be able to already be able to digivolve into Adult. You are expected to be able to digivolve them into Perfect by the time you graduate. Heroes are expected to have their Digimon be able to evolve to higher forms than most people.

- It is also pretty impressive for middle and high school students to have the Adult level be their Digimon’s usual form.

- Some people have their Digimon switch between forms a lot, to the point where they have more than one form they standardly use for normal daily life. For example, Hagakure’s partner switches from Candmon to Wizarmon a lot, for no other reason than just the fact they wanted to stay at that form today.

- Their are some benefits to partners being kept in lower forms, being that digivolution take a shorter amount of time and they actually require less energy to digivolve. However, keeping them in higher forms has advantages like the obvious less time to get to higher levels and they can also hold higher levels longer than those kept at lower forms. So it’s a bit of a trade-off.

- Ok now to the stuff that people probably care about more: why are there Digimon? Well… No one really knows. More or less, a bit after Quirks showed up, Digimon eggs and digivice started appearing when babies were born. No one knows why though.

- That said, there are a lot of theories. Some think that it was caused by someone with a quirk who was able to turn data sentient, creating the first Digimon with sentience spreading through data like a virus. Some think it was some universe/dimensional quirk that weakened the barrier between the two worlds. Some think that after quirks became a thing, the entity that controls the Digital World decided that humans could be good allies, bonding it’s inhabitants with Earth’s. Some think it was similar to how Quirks came to be.

- Anyway, point is no one really knows, and people have lots of different theories on this. Discussions on this topic actually get very heated.

- Now for the good ‘ol digiworld! What’s up with that? Well. No human has gone to the Digital World. Like literally no one. The only proof they have that it even exists is the fact Digimon “come from” it and all have some innate knowledge of it, despite no Digimon partners having ever been there beyond while they were an egg.

- This, of course, opens up for a nice potential story about the Class going to and getting stuck in the Digital World, but I’m not writing that cause I don’t want to die trying to juggle 40-42 characters (42 is only if Aizawa and his partner get yeeted in too).

Anyway tl;dr: Digimon are super mysterious, and no one really knows why they’re there but they’ve just accepted it at this point. Also there’s some specific stuff about digivolving but it’s not too important.

[skeletonscribbles]

Wishes - Ch. 2

she promises, she delivers. this is the Mike Hanlon chapter which means it is Blessed. I think I got everyone on this taglist but if I missed someone lmk I’m a little outta my head atm

Rating: M, eventually. G right now, except for cursing. Pairings: Reddie, Stan/Bill/Mike, Benverly WC: like 3k? idk math Summary:

you know what tumblr there was gonna be a summary here but since you keep fucking up my apostrophes ive decided you dont deserve it

Other: Martin Short is actually a blessing dont listen to Mike

Chapter 1 / Read on Ao3

Tag List: @roobarrtrashmouth @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @tozier-club @aizeninlefox @stanheartsbill @latinxrichie @softeds @pretzelstoday @melancholypurple @wheezygreens @ayyyymichele @loser-marsh

MIKE HANLON - KIDCOT STATION AT THE CANADA PAVILION, EPCOT CENTER THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8TH 6:55 P.M.

There were two hours and five minutes until the Epcot fireworks show began, signalling the imminent close of the park, which meant there were three hours and five minutes until Mike Hanlon could finally clock out.

Not that he was counting, of course.

Sighing, he shifted in his seat at the Canada KidCot station. He’d been scheduled for an afternoon 8 hour shift, 11 to 7, but they’d asked for someone to extend because they were short-staffed and he apparently couldn’t help himself. He agreed to work until close, which was an extra three hours. Normally, he wouldn’t be phased by that, but he was bone tired today. He’d been up late with his Imagineer roommate, poring over plans and ideas for Star Wars.

He should have known better. No amount of arguing for Lando Calrissian or Finn was going to make Bob Iger, the CEO of the company, less racist, which meant that there was little to no hope for representation in the new Star Wars World. His roommate Ben had tried to warn him, but he’d pushed the issue anyway, feeling restless and irritated that he worked for a company that didn’t value people like him.

Now, he was paying the price. He stifled a yawn as a mother with two children hustled them by his table - he would kill for someone to actually talk to, but he wasn’t the type to hustle people over to him Gaston-style. (The Magic Kingdom Gaston was notorious for cat-calling girls, which Mike supposed was in character...but it was deeply unsettling to watch.)

Sighing, Mike picked up a marker and began to color one of the Duffy* drawings at his station. As bored as he was, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Disney, for all its flaws, was more of a home for him than Canada had ever been, and KidCot was his favorite rotation. He loved telling stories and teaching kids about his home country - he loved teaching.

He loved Canada, too...it was his home, after all, but it had never been freeing for him like Florida had. Home came with expectations - from his peers, from his teachers, and most of all, from his parents.

Mike loved his parents, but he was definitely not the son they needed. He had no interest in hanging around and taking over the farm. His dreams were bigger than that.

His parents, for their part, had totally supported his move...at their own expense. He felt guilty about that sometimes, but he had a feeling that all three of them knew, in their hearts, that it was the right choice for Mike to go.

He’d come to Disney World because he hadn’t known where else to go. Disney had a work program for international students that promised to give him opportunities to connect with people around the world, and that promise had really appealed to 21 year-old Mike Hanlon. It had been the right choice, definitely - his first three months at Star Tours had been like a dream. He got to talk Star Wars all day, he got to choose Rebel Spies**, the ride wasn’t that complicated, and he hadn’t had to slog all the way around the perimeter of Hollywood Studios to get to his attraction like the Tower of Terror bellhops did. (There had to be a more efficient way of moving around backstage, and someday, Mike imagined they’d invent it, but for the time being, it was long walks and bikes over at Studios.) All in all, it had been a perfect fit for him.

Then, he had three months doing outdoor vending (ODV) at Studios, and that was...less exciting, to say the least. ODV was hot, sweaty work, and the guests that wanted popcorn or pretzels or light-up Mickey ears were usually tired, hungry, and cranky (and sometimes racist). Still, that was manageable, especially when he got into the groove of Fantasmic shifts. In fact, he still picked up Fantasmic shifts from time to time, for nostalgia’s sake.

After that, his program was over, but he didn’t feel ready to do something else, so he went to Casting to see about applying for a more regular job (and what he would have to do to renew his US work visa). The only full-time position they had to offer him was in the Canada Pavilion, so that’s where he was for the time being. It wasn’t ideal (he was putting in to transfer back to attractions as soon as he was able), but he’d gotten that temporary worker visa for it, so he had no choice but to make it work. So far, the only thing that had been completely ruined for him was Martin Short movies, because after watching the Martin Short ‘O Canada’ film a thousand and twelve times per work shift, he’d sooner die than watch Three Amigos ever again in his life. (He considered himself extremely lucky to have found the roommate that he did via the CM Housing Facebook page, but if Ben put on Father of the Bride one more time, Mike was going to kick him out immediately and permanently.)

Mike finished coloring his Duffy and looked around. There were no kids anywhere in sight. It was around dinner time, and the Canada pavilion wasn’t a highly popular family destination to begin with, so Mike was going to be alone for a long while, people-watching as young hipster couples walked by with Disney shopping bags full of maple syrup and plaid clothes.

He was so zoned out, he almost missed the two attractive men that were walking out of a shop and towards him.

Now, Mike had spent quite a bit of time coming to terms with his sexual identity. His father extremely traditional - which was not to say close-minded, but there was just no opportunity for exploration on the farm. It wouldn’t have made sense.

Disney was on the extreme opposite end of that spectrum. A huge percentage of male Cast Members were gay, and for the first time, Mike had the opportunity to consider his own feelings.

As it turned out, he was pretty equally interested in men and women. He’d had a couple of short relationships during his time in the States with people of both genders, and they’d all been pretty nice...just, not lasting, and none of the people he had dated had been as compelling as the two men - a redhead and a boy with light brown curls, he could see now - that were walking his way.

It was a bit disconcerting, actually. Mike usually wasn’t attracted to white people (they were so entitled and pasty), but there was something almost cosmic about these two. It felt like the universe calling.

Before they got close enough to see him, Light Brown Curls stopped and turned to the redhead, holding up a Disney bag and smirking. The redhead blushed and grabbed for the bag, but Curls swiftly moved it behind his back. They began to engage in a game of keep-away. Mike was mesmerized.

“You trying to stamp their passports?” Mike jumped at the sound of a leering female voice, and almost fell out of his chair. “If you know what I mean?”

“Ma’am, I---” he began, turning to look at the perpetrator and stopping short when he saw her pretty green eyes. “Huh?”

She laughed prettily. “The ginger making an idiot of himself is named Bill. He works Guest Relations over at MK, and he’s been super hung up on these two guys he saw in passing in the Boardwalk slash Epcot area recently. Classic pining gay.”

Mike looked back over at the two men. The ginger (Bill) had retrieved his bag, and was waving it in front of Curls’ face. Curls seemed unimpressed.

“Is the skinny brunette boy one of the guys Bill was pining over?” Mike guessed, watching the bounce of the haughty man’s curls.

“Yep,” said the girl, joining Mike in looking over. “His name’s Stan, apparently. He’s a front desk coordinator over at Yacht, because of course he is. Everyone at Yacht is so fucking put together. Pardon my French.”

“It’s a relief to hear cursing every once in a while,” Mike admitted. “It can’t be princesses and rainbows all the time.”

The girl nodded appreciatively. “I like your style. I’m Beverly. I work in costuming over at MK.”

“Oh, word.” Mike stuck out a hand for her to shake. She took it, and he was immediately impressed by the subtle strength in her grip. “I’m Mike. You wanna learn about Canada?”

“At some point,” Beverly said, smiling amusedly. “Right now, though, I’m trying to play matchmaker.”

Mike squinted at her, confused. “Aren’t your friends already together, though? I thought you were just third-wheeling.”

“Fourth-wheeling, if all goes to plan.” Beverly waggled her eyebrows. “Weren’t you wondering who else Bill has a crush on around here? I did say that he was pining over two guys.”

Mike’s stomach lurched. Pretty boys weren’t generally in the business of looking Mike Hanlon’s way...unless he was reading the whole thing wrong?

“No, but there’s already...they’re already….” Mike protested weakly, hoping his assumptions were correct. “I couldn’t intrude.”

Beverly shrugged her freckled shoulders, looking down nonchalantly. “Two’s an arbitrary number, bud. You can do whatever you want.”

The boys’ eyes were on Mike, now - they must have noticed him talking to their friend. The redhead was smiling, and Mike suddenly felt hot.

Being with more than one person at a time had never occurred to Mike, but now that the idea had been planted, it was taking root in a really fast and embarrassing way.

“Bill, Stan,” Beverly called, beaming, “meet my new friend Mike. He’s from Canada.”

Feeling a little stupid, Mike gestured to his nametag. “Saskatchewan.”

“Mike from Saskatchewan.” Stan stepped forward, confident and smooth. “Very, very nice to meet you.”

Bill smiled knowingly. “Told you, didn’t I?”

“You were right,” Stan said, eyes never leaving Mike.

Mike looked between the two, hoping for an explanation, and Bill promptly provided him with one. “I saw you here the other day, talking to kids. You’ve got incredible charisma.”

Mike was painfully cognizant of the blood rushing to his cheeks. “Thanks. Uh. Bev says you guys are CMs, too?”

“Yep!” Bill tapped his chest where his name tag would be if he were in costume. “I’m in the Magic Kingdom, and Stan’s your neighbor over at the Yacht Club.”

“It’s a shame you don’t have any guests,” said Stan, examining the Duffy coloring pages at Mike’s table. “I don’t know why people aren’t flocking to you, honestly. You seem like the kind of person that I’d actually enjoy learning about Canada from.”

“Do you wanna hear some facts?” Mike asked, and then immediately cringed. Why couldn’t he say something compelling for once?

Fortunately, Bill and Stan seemed to find it endearing rather than weird. Stan opened his mouth to speak again…

...and was immediately interrupted by a freckly, frizzy-haired tornado of a human being, who swept in and slung his absurdly long arms over Bill and Stan’s shoulders. Mike blinked rapidly, trying to take stock of the situation, but before he could get his bearings, the new person adjusted his glasses and started speaking in a thick Russian accent.

“Eet eez veddy hahd, Comrade, for me to trahhck you eef you do not answer calls, da?” He was talking to Stan, but Bill seemed to recognize him, too, if his eye roll was any indication.

“Why the fuck did you need to find me at all?” Stan groaned. It was obvious that he was fond of this weird, lanky guy, but he was playing at irritation. “I turned off my phone for a reason, you nerd. Take a hint.”

“Eh, I was bored. Also kinda sad, thanks to Big Bill here.” The guy abruptly stopped with the accent, turned to Bill, and tutted loudly. “Can you believe that Bill stood in the way of true love today? Also, how the hell do you know Bill, Stanny?”

“We’ve literally just met,” Stan said, “and preventing you from feeling love is only serving to make him more attractive to me, so by all means, Bill, continue.”

“It’s not up to me,” Bill said sadly, “and tragically, Eddie does think he’s hot.”

The third guy inhaled sharply. “Hold on, say that last bit again.”

“Mike, this is Richie.” Bill ignored Richie’s request and turned to Mike. “He’s bad, sorry.”

Richie’s eyes flicked up to Mike for the first time. Mike sat awkwardly as Richie took him in, smiled, and said, “A fucking pleasure. Has anyone ever told you that red’s your color?”

“Just you,” Mike replied honestly.

“Glad I could be your first.” Richie winked, and Mike felt charmed in spite of himself.

“Okay, so how do we all know each other again?” Bev asked, frowning. “I know Rich because he’s a giant pain in my ass when he comes through costuming, I know Bill because I know Bill, and now I know Stan and Mike through Bill…”

“Richie’s my roommate,” Stan said flatly. “Unfortunately.”

Bill whipped around to stare accusingly at Richie. “You’ve been keeping that from me?”

“Hey, I didn’t know you were into stuck-up assholes,” Richie shrugged. “Besides, that’s justice in action for not giving Cute Character Attendant Eddie my number.”

“He was working,” Bill said defensively.

“He was working,” Richie parroted mockingly. “That’s never stopped me from hitting on him before, and it won’t stop me again.”

“I wouldn't,” Bill warned. “Eddie’s no joke.”

“Didn’t say he was,” Richie agreed, bouncing excitedly. “Did he actually say I was hot, though, because--”

“Where do you work, Richie?” Mike asked, trying to save Bill from the conversation.

Richie’s smile was huge and sweet. “The World Famous Jungle Cruise, of course! Why, you itchin’ to ride my bote?” His expression turned suggestive. “Because I’d let you. It’d be worth the long, painful death Stan and Bill would put me through--”

“Beep beep, Richie,” Bill said loudly, elbowing Richie hard in the gut. Richie doubled over on to the damp wood of the pavilion floor.

Stan quirked an eyebrow, obviously impressed. “Beep beep, huh? I’ll have to remember that for next time.” He brushed Bill’s arm with his hand as he said it, and the corner of Bill’s mouth twitched up. Mike was enamoured by the interaction, and wanted more than anything to be on the other side of the table, included in whatever it was they had going on…

...fuck, he was so fucking fucked.

“Richie, if you’re not here for any real reason, then you should come with me,” said Beverly, looking like she was already regretting her offer. “I was gonna ditch these three in a couple of minutes, anyway. Let ‘em have a Food and Wine date, or something.”

“You’re sweet, Bevvy.” Richie gave her a sappy look as he peeled himself off of the floor. “Askin’ me out. Adorable. Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to pass, because Bill, I’m not going anywhere until you promise to get me Cute Eddie’s number.”

“You’re really dedicated to that, huh?” Bill asked, tone halfway between ‘impressed’ and ‘alarmed’. “What the hell happened between you two to make you so frigging obsessed, Rich? Normally you’re all jokes and no follow-through.”

Richie tried to be nonchalant, but Mike could see a bit of red creeping up his neck under the collar of his shitty Toy Story t-shirt. He was silent for a moment, and then when he spoke, his voice was soft. “He’s just...I don’t….he’s all the stuff I like, you know?”

Mike looked at Bill, whose forehead was scrunched up in obvious concern at Richie’s words, and then at Stan, who had his hands delicately on his hips and was trying and failing to not seem affected, and understood that he, Mike Hanlon, knew exactly what Richie was talking about.

“Let’s talk more about this later,” Bill finally suggested after a long moment. “Okay?”

Richie nodded quietly. Something had happened in the last few minutes...it was like someone had toggled the Richie off-switch. Mike hoped it wasn’t something he had said. “Roger that, Billiam.”

“Hey,” Mike said, feeling suddenly bold in the wake of Richie’s vulnerability. “Listen. I can’t hang with you all now, because I won’t be off of work until 22:00. If you guys are free and still awake at that point, though, y’all can come to my place after I’m done. I can write down an address. I bet my roommate won’t mind.”

Bill’s responding smile could have lit up the whole park. “I’d love that.”

“Me too,” Stan said immediately, looking between Bill and Mike with a soft expression (well, soft for Stan the consummate professional, anyway).

“You want us there, too?” Richie asked cautiously.

Mike nodded, and was relieved to note that Stan and Bill were nodding too. “Dude, I could really use some friends. I’m fresh out of those.”

With that, the tension was broken. Richie let out a great howling laugh, and moved over to clap Mike on the back. “Oh, Mikey! You just hit the friend jackpot, my man. Just ask Stanley Uris! Richie Tozier’s a top notch amigo.”

Stan shrugged listlessly. “I mean, if you like people that try to give you sloppy handies every time they’re intoxicated.”

Richie’s expression twisted up, and for a split second, Mike thought he was gonna lose it, but then instead of yelling, Richie groaned. “They’re not sloppy, Stanley, Jesus Christ.”

“Jesus who?” Stan asked, reaching out to yank on Richie’s sleeve, which presumably was meant to signal that he was kidding. “Anyways, yes, the three of us will be there, Mike. Bev?”

“That depends,” she said slyly. “Is your roomie hot, Mikey?”

Mike couldn’t help but laugh at that. Ben was an objectively handsome man, but he was less sexy than he was warm and comforting. “He’s a beautiful, wonderful guy, Beverly.”

“Then of course,” she agreed, laughing her little laugh again. “Write your address on the back of one of these Duffys, yeah?”

Mike obliged her, and when he was done, Stan took the paper and folded it up neatly, ultimately placing it in the breast pocket of his shirt.

“All right,” Richie announced. “Parting is such sweet sorrow, Micycle, but we must go purchase overpriced cocktails now. Adieu.”

“Bye!” Bev called, and almost immediately, the two of them were off, merrily making their way to the main World Showcase walkway.

Stan and Bill lingered for another moment. They were both looking at Mike with expressions that made Mike feel like his stomach was going to explode with butterflies. He didn’t know what it was about these two that made him feel all of 17 again, but he wasn’t complaining. He hadn’t been this excited about romance since middle school.

“We’ll see you later, okay?” Stan said assuringly. He slid his hand into Bill’s after he spoke, and Mike watched their fingers entwine. Absurdly, he wasn’t jealous at all...any interaction at all between the three of them felt right and good.

“Have a nice couple of hours,” Mike said, trying to convey the giddiness he was feeling through his words. “Enjoy the fireworks!”

“It’ll be nicer when we’re all together,” Bill said meaningfully, and then he and Stan were disappearing into the throng, too.

It looked like it was going to be another late night for Mike Hanlon...but somehow, he didn’t think he was going to regret this one tomorrow.

One hour and three minutes until park close, two hours and three minutes until clock-out.

Notes:

we don't deserve Mike Hanlon

*Duffy is Mickey's teddy bear, apparently. He's very popular in Japan. You used to be able to go to a Duffy meet and greet in Epcot, which is fucking wild.

**There's a moment in the Star Tours ride where one guest on that particular simulator is identified as a "Rebel Spy". The cast members get to pick that guest. I have never been that guest, and I will be bitter about that until my dying day.

[antagonist-official]

so I think I just have to be honest with myself about this current situation. I think I just have to admit that there's really no way I'll be able to have everything done, and done well, for grad school in time to apply this fall. I'm currently attempting to balance everything involved with this process alongside writing a graphic novel, getting a paper published, taking a class, and just generally being a responsible adult. that's a lot. and it's a lot of things that have more immediate importance than grad school. never mind that I'm trying desperately to not burn myself out, so that requires time to relax, socialize, etc.

like. I'm studying for the gre but I don't think it's going to be enough. I realized how close my test date is earlier and just how much I have left to learn and I just do not think it's humanly possible for me to do this and do it well on my current timeline. I think at LEAST I need to see if I can reschedule so I don't waste $200 by getting mediocre scores. which is still $50 (!!). I have NO idea if I'll really have enough time to study for the subject tests, especially since they'd have to be taken only a month apart.

I have no idea when I'll have time to work on the apps themselves either. that requires so much time to sit and write that I'm just not sure I have. I have to write a personal statement too and like, that's hard since I have 0 idea what I really want in life right now. I think I'm so tired and listless and disaffected atm that I couldn't write a sincere letter.

and the other piece is deciding on schools. I've visited like none so far. I only know of 2 eeb programs I could apply to as well. I have no idea what I'm doing. because even once I figure that out then I have to figure out which faculty member/s I'd want to work with. and that's going to require extensive reading because it's not as if? I just know who's doing what in any field. I'm not sure why people have that expectation of me.

as it is, I feel like I'd only be wasting the money for these applications, since I'm not ready.

nd it's frustrating. I've had NO time during the semester to work on any of this, since my time then is occupied by, you know, being a full time student w a part time job. there's no possible way I could've started to prepare before this summer. and that's just not enough time. but I generally feel so confused. and I really wish I just could talk to some advisors but it's the summer so... I can't.

and I don't even want to start going to school next year honestly. I've been constantly pushing and working and doing the Most since I was 6. that's, you know, 15 years of my life. that's insane. I feel like I so desperately need a break. I want to do something that's not school. something that matters. get out in the world and enjoy what's out there and help people and then come back and get another degree. I don't know.

I'm terrified by having that empty space but I think that means I should actually go for it. I think it's an experience I have to have. we'll see.

either way, bottom line, I just really feel so confused and lost right now and so close to breaking.

[brianyololau]

October 6th, 2020

I have something to admit... I didn’t get on the waitlist for this October and I’m starting school at the end of January. Big suck and idk what to tell my family. I think I’m going to lie to them and keep grinding learning as much as I can and putting energy into myself. A part of me tells me this isn’t the right thing to do, but my mom would not react to this well at all. I don’t want her to feel like I’m not doing anything with my life because I am. Without my introspective and growth mindset, I wouldn’t be where I am today. In fact, I’d probably be chasing a dream with no purpose. I’d be living in what I thought was my dream. My true desires are to grow, build, and cultivate a lasting and wealthy life for myself as well as the people around me. My passions remain the same, but my path is not easy. I admit. Pursuing a double career and learning to grow is hard especially when you dont have an emotionally supportive environment. All you got is yourself, but that’s the beauty of it. From when I was a kid till now, I’ve always relied on and believed in myself. I just didn’t fully realize it because I was chasing other people’s dreams and what I thought was my own. Now, I know. It’s simple, but I gotta overcome myself to trump my challenges. That’s what it takes to be my own boss. I’m confident that I can. I want it. Nothing happens to anyone that he is not fitted by nature to bear.

Not sure if I wrote about Andy’s bday dinner yet, but I’ll just express my thoughts here. That night, I realized that Dony was right and my suspicions of Eric were true. He is a narcissist and he’s entitled to his ego. That’s something I couldn’t get him to see because of his defensive mechanisms: gaslighting, lying, and aggression. As a friend, I feel bad for not being able to accomplish my hopes in helping him, but how could I when he’s such a pathological person who can’t tell the difference between kindness and disrespect? Before I decided to choose to ultimately side w Dony over both of them, I kept believing in Eric knowing that if I could stoop to his level of extreme authoritarian communication, challenging his idea of a successful man with fucking testosterone boosted dialect, he’d understand, but whyyy the hell should I? That’s not of me to adjust my world to fit his. Why should I accept his POV if he can’t even acknowledge mine? “I know it’s not right, but from where I’m from...” boy stfu. idgaf where ur from. If i smack the shit outchu u and tell u to fuck off for getting personal w me and then say it’s normal for me, anyone should be walking away from that. it doesn’t justify shit. None of it can actually and none of what I try and do for u will get through to your head if you cant see that for urself. and quite frankly, no one wants to put ur stupid ass down bc everyone knows you’ll just get uncontrollably mad again and fight back  just to save face. Gaslighting ass. I cant believe I gave him this much sympathy and let all these accounts slide. Besides, what kind of real friend doesn’t try to acknowledge and take into consideration someone else’s opinion? Especially if he was being real w u? His ego got to him and he didn’t even realize the two brothers who stuck w him the most were the ones he turned his back on. Who would’ve thought? but honestly, we should’ve seen that one coming. I was wrong about Eric. It took a conscious effort to see it. That boy sus.

Anyways, I finished reading Way of the Wolf. Really good content on how to improve sales presentations and smooth conversions. Though the book is tailored towards 1 on 1 sales, I plan on applying these concepts I learned into affiliate marketing. I learned about rapport building, state management, advanced tonality and body language, looping, prospecting, taking control of the sale, intelligence gathering, script making, and the Straight Line elements. It was pretty hard to finish the last 20%. It got less interesting as I began reading about scripts and loops probably since I won’t be significantly applying that to myself atm. It definitely fortified my assumptions on how to approach sales though.

I’ve also noticed that my mind has very slightly expanded from reading. It’s as though my processing and idea conveying is more efficient. It might also be bc reading triggers parts of the brain that u dont use often, but damn how I wish I could etch everything I read into my mind and apply it right away, but I just learned that reading is not enough to learn. I also have to apply it for that’s when information is transcribed to knowledge. My brain can’t just be a library of information. If I don’t how to use the information and make use of it, all I’ve learned would just be theory! Got that off of a Quora post today. The person who answered it said he created a 30 day log where he experimented on the concepts he learned and could apply. By the end of it, he integrated the knowledge into his life and made noticeable changes. I found it interesting bc it’s true. Applied knowledge is power, not just knowledge. So, now, I’m starting my own logs to see how that goes. I’ll update on this later on. 

Bruh I just saw the older post about me being mad about my family. I was so wrong. I learned that there are two sides to every story and before I judge one side, I have to consider the other. Why? because ppl have different experiences and can purposely lie. Found out that Bao’s mom was a helluva a cheater the whole time and lied to her daughters to skew the story to her perspective as the heroine. Truth be told, there were no heroes, my family included. None, but this is a story that has to be resolved by Anh and Bao themselves. It’s not for me to act like I know and can solve this conflict myself. only right that I help them see for themselves. boy when the time comes though, it’s about to get real

[eeveelutionsforequality]

Am I the only one who honestly don't care what an idol says? There's far more pressing things to worry about, like the hurricane, the politics, etc. than WORDS. I'm sorry for venting, but tumblr oughta stop focusing on one specific subject and focus on doing what actually does matter. My family was in the path of the freaking hurricane and what do I see on my dash? An internet war over a stupid word that's only relevant because they want it to be relevant.

Yeah, I avoided the PewDiePie controversy until we got this ask, and then I decided to quickly brush up on it so that I didn't say something stupid.

From what I can gather, a character/player was shooting at him, so he called them the worst word that came to his mind, then immediately said "sorry" and corrected it to "asshole". Then everybody lost their collective shit.

I personally have never said "nigger" as an insult, in fact I don't use the word myself at all, not because I think people shouldn't, I just see no use for it for me - I don't think it's a good insult choice because being someone who says "nigger" is considered one of the worst things you can be, so being someone who says it is worse of an insult than it is, and I don't say it casually because there are plenty of other words that serve that purpose, I don't need to use a controversial one when I have "bro", "fam", "homies" etc. I also, on a moral level, don't like it used as an insult - I wouldn't say it's inherently racist, like, it doesn't mean the same thing in people's brains any more and I get that, like it seems to mean "really really really bad word" now instead of "I hate black people" to a lot of the people who say it like that, so I wouldn't say that saying it inherently means the person has racist thoughts/bias/etc; but the word is given that weight and strength because of what it used to mean and how it used to be used (and how it still is used by racists), it's got a lot of connotations and bad vibes.

You gotta remember that PewDiePie is living in England and a lot of the people talking about it are American - it's much rarer to hear the word over here (in Britain), from what I gather, and in my experience it isn't viewed with quite the same weight and the same intent isn't applied as heavily to it, it's just "edgy bad word" and not really associated with black people in their heads. I'm not saying that's the right way to think about the word - I think those people should be more aware that, while they don't see the connotations, other people will still read them into what they say - but there are a lot of people applying intent to what Pewds said and ignoring the fact that he's specified it was just the worst word he could think of at the time. PewDiePie was using it in the "I'm really fucking angry, what's the worst word I can think of to say" way, and not in the "I'm a racist" way - again, I'm not saying he should have used it, I don't think he should've but I also don't think it's fair to start attributing intent where there was none.

There are also a lot of people who are saying that you don't blart out things unless you say them in your daily life, but that's just not true - it's likely he sees and hears it relatively often, maybe every few days, because he's a gamer and because it is discussed a lot in a political context, so it's going to be embedded in his brain as "really bad word, don't say this" and sometimes you get angry enough that the "don't say this" part snaps. Honestly, if he's only snapped and said it now, once,after so many years of being a gamer, he definitely doesn't say it casually off YouTube because he would have slipped up and said it a lot more. You really can't tell how often someone says a word by whether or not it slips out one time, but generally if you've reserved a word for "literally the angriest I can possibly be", chances are you don't just casually say it every five minutes because it'd lose its punch real fast - and he even said in his video that he doesn't like the word, that he thinks it's dumb to say it. I think that's probably the most egregious claim people are making against him, because it's pure theorizing and armchair psychology, and not actually founded in the situation or evidence.

Another reason I see a lot of people bring it up is they're concerned about Adpocalypse 2.0, but as Philly D explained, Adpocalypse 1.0 wasn't caused just by the "Pewds is a Nazi" lies and misrepresentations, it was also caused by videos of people literally dying. It had been brewing for a while and there really isn't much YouTube can do to make it worse for creators atm anyway, so people need to chill out and look at this more rationally - chances are this will only hurt Pewds and maybe other gamers (games filing copyright shit against him is setting a bad precedent that, despite generally agreeing that lets plays are beneficial and good publicity and therefore okay, game devs can now punish and potentially destroy the livelihood of lets players over the gamer breaking some unknown rule about bad words - it's like "Oh yeah sure, you can do this, it's cool" *person does it* "Wait, did you say a word I didn't like? I changed my mind. You can't do it.") But at the moment, it's just his channel put at risk.

I think that's why it's getting more attention than the serious issues, like 1) people want to fight against racism, and they see this as racism and read all sorts of things between the lines that just aren't there or aren't certain, and 2) they're worried about the impact this could potentially have on their livelihoods. What Pewds did was, in my opinion, wrong, but it really didn't warrant this reaction, just a "Dude, that's not cool, just say 'cunt'." kind of reaction, not a "HE'S LITERALLY HITLER... AGAIN" kind of reaction. At the end of the day, you're right, it's just some gamer saying some word, there are giant storms and terrorism and political turmoil and more important things to deal with than one guy saying a bad word once.

But this is the internet and we all wanna vent our opinions and share our thoughts, and I don't think I know enough about hurricanes or flooding to be of much use in that regard.

~ Vape

[brannonstravelblog-blog]

I’m Alive!

Life Update: 

I have successfully made it back home to Hawai’i from the most adventurous and fun semester so far! Since I never blogged the last few weeks due to the stress of finals and traveling I will provide you with little updates on what I did since I last saw Jasmine and Gavin in Rome! 

The weekend after Jasmine and Gavin left back for London, I was suppose to go to Croatia with the company Smart Trips. Smart Trips and Bus to Alps are two companies based in Europe providing students with either day trips, weekend trips, or spring/winter break trips to places in and around Italy. It is a nice way to tour places without having the hassle to book transportation and lodging as it is usually included and at a reasonable cost. It is also nice because you have a fellow students (99% of them are from LdM) to travel with you and they plan activities with tour guides that are not much older than us. 

My Smart trips was unfortunately cancelled due to low booking so I can’t give you an accurate review on them but I heard many great things so be sure to check them out! 

I ended up booking a cheap last minute flight to London to visit Jasmine and Gavin since they were on summer break already. 

Finals: 

Finals at LdM are set up the exact same as midterms. Be sure to expect 2.5 hour long finals with are mostly essay based. None of my finals were cumulative and it was easier to prepare for the second time around as I knew exactly what to expect. It is almost July and I have yet to receive my grades back on my STAR so lets keep our fingers crossed! 

Traveling: 

After the semester I said a tearful goodbye to my host mom to travel around Europe and Africa for two weeks. I went to Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Brussels, Prague, Barcelona, Morocco, and then London again. I highly recommend all those places especially Prague and Morocco! Morocco is only a 2 hour flight from Spain but it is such a different experience from Europe! It is so close and so cheap. I ended up doing a 3 day and 2 night tour which lead me to ride a camel ride into the Sahara desert and camp under the stars in the Sahara. It was truly breathtaking! I recommend doing a tour instead of venturing by yourself as it is safer and you get to see way more. I did a high atlas mountain tour with the best tour guide Ali! His company is Morocco Joy Travel and I could not stress how nice he is and how good his tour was! He was so funny, had a nice clean van with wifi, and our tour was only with 6 other people so we were a lot more personable! I actually made friends with two Australians on the tour who lived in London and we actually met up in London the following week to go to a bar and club to celebrate her birthday! 

Tips: 

Now let me share with you some of the most important tips and tricks to studying in Italy! 

1) Eurail Pass

I can't stress how important this is to get BEFORE leaving the US. The Eurail Pass allows anywhere from 3-8 days per month of free train travel (depending on the package selected). I would choose the 8 days a month as you will be using Italiarail/Trenitalia frequently to travel within Italy. I think they have Eurail passes for all of Europe as well but you probably won't be taking the train outside of Italy frequently enough to warrant it. I believe you can only get it when you're still in the US so be sure to make that one of your priorities!

2) Safety 

Italy is as safe as any developed country can be but with big crowds and tourist comes risk of pit pocketing. Always be sure to keep your phone and wallet in your front pocket or in your purse that is zipped shut! Never in your backpack or in your back pocket! Time and time again I would hear from either my friends or classmates that they got pit pocketed! They are very sly and they watch people in crowds, unzip bags without you noticing, create distractions, and even work with more than one person. I hope I am not scaring you off from studying in Europe but it is the reality you will face. As long as you are aware of your surroundings and belongings you should be fine! Also during orientation week LdM will go into further detail on methods they use to pit pocket people and how to be more protected.

Also be very aware of con artist. They are present all throughout Europe. In Florence, men will lay 6 to 8 posters on the ground in a busy square so someone will step on it. After it is stepped on they will force the person to buy it off of them. Always be aware of your surroundings and if this happens to you call the police as what they are doing is illegal and they will avoid confrontation with the police. 

3) Bring multiple credit cards and one or two debit cards! 

This relates to the previous tip as in the event you do get pit pocketed or if your card gets declined you would have a spare one. This means never carry more than one credit or debit card in the same wallet at the same time just in case. 

Credit cards are better as they are harder to get your information stolen and if it has no foreign transaction fees it won't charge you extra like your debit card. I only used my debit card to withdraw Euros from the ATM. I only used a legit ATM from an actual bank so I would have less chances of getting my debit information stolen and I wouldn't be charged as much with fees.

Make sure your credit and debit is either a Master Card or Visa. I went up with only my Visa debit and Discover credit and realized Italy does not accept Discover and hardly accepts AMEX. I had to apply for a Master Card and have it shipped to my house and then have my parents ship it to Italy. Not only was it expensive but it took 3 weeks. So the first month I was basically just using cash.

4) Hostels 

When traveling throughout Italy and Europe I stayed at hostels. I used Hostelworld.com to help me find the best and cheapest hostels. It helps keep the budget low and allowed me to travel to so many places for so cheap. Do not be afraid as you will be probably traveling with friends and most have age limits! They also provide you with lockers so make sure to bring your lock from home! Most hostels are modern, clean, and cater to college students! I have met some nice students from other countries in my hostels too!

 When traveling try not to bring expensive things like your laptop or nice clothes unless you absolutely need them! We do not want the added risk of them getting stolen also bring all your cash and cards with you just to be on the safe side!  

5) Pack the appropriate clothes! 

This should have been the first bullet on this list! I studied in the Spring semester from January to May so take this with a grain of salt for the people studying in the Fall! Italians are very conservative but also very stylish. In January it is cold. It will hit the low thirties and this will stay until March when it SLOWLY begins to rise. By May the temp would still hover around high fifties to low sixties. It barely hit above seventies but when it did the Italians would still wear heavy jackets, jeans, boots, and scarves! 

I packed over 5 shorts, countless T-shirts, and sandals all for it to be used only once for my spring break in Greece and a little in Rome! I am not being over dramatic when I say I have never seen a local Italian’s knees or toes because all they do is wear jeans or slacks and shoes or boots! I ended up using my same 3 jeans all the time and eventually buying a few new pairs to spice things up! If you do decide to wear shorts and open toed shoes  or sandals you will just look like a tourist and will get weird looks. Pack a lot of sweaters, long sleeves, jackets, jeans, and shoes! 

I really hope reading my blogs have either inspired you to study in Florence or helped you prepare for it! I got cold feet the weeks leading up to my departure but I assure you this will be one of best, if not the best semester of college! Have so much fun but always be safe! If you have any other questions please feel free to reach me through my Facebook or Instagram even if we haven't met or if this is 3 years after I wrote this! My instagram handle is @brannonkusumoto  Buona Fortuna! 

[perfectlinnamonroll]

Seeing the Sights [Lin-Manuel & Reader]

Summary: You never thought helping a tourist out would make such an impact on your life.

Word count: 3214

Warnings: a swearword or two, mentions of dragon slaying

Author’s notes: This is a completely platonic piece. No romance. None at all. I wrote it because, as someone eloquently put it, “I just want to be friends with Lin, is that so much to ask?”. This is exactly how my meeting with Lin would go down in a perfect universe. Self-indulgent? You bet. At first I wanted to include a scene where reader tries to teach Lin a bit of their language, but it just didn’t want to fit anywhere. Maybe I’ll post it separately later, since it was pretty hysterical. Polish is a hard language to learn, guys. Also, the reader’s gender neutral! (Just a warning - I’m not a native English speaker, so this might be a little awkward in some places. If you notice any mistakes, please point them out to me!)

“Co podać?” (“How can I serve you?”)

“Miętowe z czekoladą, poproszę” (“Mint and chocolate, please”), you said to the vendor, already excited to taste the sweet treat. It was the nineteenth of May, and that was your first ice cream this year. You always had to be careful about eating frozen food, since you were prone to catching colds, but the air was perfectly warm. An ideal day to enjoy some minty goodness.

You’ve been lucky this semester: no classes on Fridays. At first, you’ve been planning to get some work done, but seeing the pleasant weather outside you decided to get some “you” time. It’s been a while since you’ve taken a break, and your skin was yearning for sunlight.

You strolled down Basztowa Street, observing both people rushing towards the shopping mall and crows hanging around the park on your left. You liked this place; it was right in the heart of Cracow, but it never felt truly crowded, probably thanks to the greenbelt surrounding the Old Town. It was a perfect spot to people watch; something about here made you feel less lonely. Well, at least less than usual.

It was hard, starting university in a whole new city. Even though you were familiar with Cracow before, thanks to many weekend trips, living on your own was still challenging. You found yourself missing your family a lot. Making friends never came easy to you, so most of your free time was spent exploring the city and expanding your Spotify library. Not exactly what you thought life would look like at this point, but it was nice enough. Usually.

You were about to head towards the main square and check out your favourite bookstore when you noticed a man standing nearby and looking around frantically. He was the only stationary person in the smooth flow of pedestrians. That, combined with the lost expression on his face, made him stand out like a sore thumb. Was he lost?

He must have felt you staring, as he caught your eye in a matter of seconds. To your surprise he started walking right towards you. You bristled reflexively; he was definitely older than you, more or less in his mid-thirties. There was no telling what he was about to do.

“Excuse me”, he said, looking at you like you were his last hope. “Do you speak English?”

Oh. Just a tourist, then, you thought, relaxing a bit. It explained why he looked so lost.

“Sure. Can I help you?”

His relief was almost palpable. “Yes, thank you! I’ve been looking for an ATM for like, half an hour already, all those streets look the same and no one I asked was able to guide me…”

His voice sounded vaguely familiar, but you were unable to put your finger on it.

“Oh, okay”, you replied, trying to think of the best way around. “You need to go down this lane,” you gestured to a nearby street, “then turn right, go straight ahead, turn left into the third street you pass, and then the ATM should be right around…”

You stopped, watching the guy. The lost look was back on his face, and you were sure he wouldn’t be able to follow your directions properly. There was no denying that the streets of Cracow could very well be a maze to someone who didn’t know their way around.

“You know what,” you said, “it’ll probably be faster if I just go with you.”

The man brightened at the suggestion.

“Would you? I mean, thank you, but I don’t want to take so much of your time…”

“It’s fine”, you waved your hand. “I don’t really have anything to do right now. Might as well help a guy out.”

You started walking, the guy matching your pace. The silence felt a bit awkward, so you decided to make some small talk on the way.

“So I gather that you’re not from around”, you started. “Just a short visit or are you planning to stay?”

“Nah, I’m only here for a week”, he replied. “A friend invited me. Never been to Eastern Europe before.”

“Do you like it so far?”

“Yes, a lot! It has this… quaint feeling?” He gestured to the tenements around you. “It feels like time travel, a bit. Those buildings are older than my country. It’s incredible.”

“Oh, are you from the US?”, you realised. That’s what his accent suggested, but you weren’t sure before. Most native English speakers sounded more or less the same to your ears, unless they spoke with a heavy drawl.

“Yeah! You ever been there?”

You laughed.

“No, and I don’t think I ever will. Applying for a visa is a pain in the ass.”

The smile on the guy’s face dimmed a little.

“Right, I forgot you guys still have to get visas. That’s a shame.”

You shrugged. “It’s alright. Not really a fan of the US, to be honest.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Well,”, you started, without thinking too much, “your gun laws are ridiculous, for once. You don’t have Kinder Surprise eggs, too, and no paid maternity leave. The country was more or less built on genocide and slavery. Most of your population are kids of immigrants, and yet there’s so much xenophobia and racism. And don’t even get me started on your last elections, that was ridiculous...”

You ended your rant abruptly, realising your mistake a second too late. You didn’t know anything about this guy and you just insulted his home country. In a big way. You knew your inability to shut up would one day put you in big trouble, and it seemed like the day has finally come.

A heartbeat later, however, the man begin to laugh. A wave of relief crashed through you. Thank God he wasn’t offended, or this situation might have become really unpleasant.

“Fair enough”, he said, a trace of laugher still noticeable in his voice. “I can’t say I don’t agree. But there are lots of cool things about America too, you know. Oh, and by the way,” he extended his hand to you, “I’m Lin.”

“Y/N”, you replied, shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Your little chat was going so well, you didn’t even notice that you managed to arrive at the ATM in the meantime. A part of you was reluctant to leave Lin. You had fun talking to him; it made you feel much less lonely. Still, he was a stranger, and it probably wasn’t like someone more than a decade younger than him would be his ideal company on vacations, anyway.

You accompanied him as he did his withdrawal, making sure he didn’t struggle with operating the ATM. As far as you knew, most of them had the option to switch to English, but they could’ve been different from the US ones.

Things went smoothly, though. As Lin pocketed his cash, you fidgeted a bit.

“So, I guess you’re on your way to check out the rest of the city. Hope you have fun and don’t get lost again”, you said, turning around to leave.

“Wait”, he blurted out. Surprised, you stayed in your spot. “My friend works late tonight, so I’m on my own here, and… would you mind showing me around a bit?”

The request caught you off guard. He actually wanted to spend more time with you? Was this some kind of a trick? He seemed nice, sure, but who knew if he wasn’t actually a thief, or a kidnapper, or just some sort of a creep? Your doubts clashed with the good first impression, and you found yourself unable to find your words.

Lin, noticing your silence, started to fret. “I mean, you don’t know me, and you’re probably busy, it’s fine, I just-“

You took a deep breath. It’s not as if you were in some sort of deserted place, you figured. There were lots of people around; it was unlikely he would try any funny business. And it wasn’t like you had anything better to do, really.

“Sure”, you said, interrupting him. “I, um, have a day off anyway. Didn’t make any plans. So, yeah, if you want to…”

The look of surprise on his face was quickly replaced with a bright smile. “Thanks! So, where to now?”

  You showed Lin the Old Town, making sure to point out all the famous landmarks. You didn’t know all that much about the city’s history, but Lin didn’t seem to mind. Everything fascinated him – from the Veit Stoss altarpiece, to Wyspiański’s stained glass windows in St. Francis church, to the Wawel Castle. He seemed to enjoy Polish food, too, which you were adamant he tries at least once. In turn, he insisted on buying some grain to feed the pigeons on the main square, laughing as five of them sat on his shoulders.

It should’ve felt weird, hanging out with a much older guy that you barely knew, but you were really enjoying yourself. Making friends with Lin was easy, and you were glad for his company. It gave you an opportunity to hone your English, as well as see the familiar city with new eyes. And he was just fun  - asking interesting questions, constantly joking around, never missing a chance to do something silly and make you laugh.

You were in a souvenir shop, with Lin determined to at least consider buying every tacky thing he laid his eyes upon, when your phone suddenly ringed. “SILENCE! A MESSAGE FROM THE KING!” You reached into your pocket to read your message.

“Nice ringtone”, said Lin in a teasing tone. He was looking at mugs with traditional folk prints, but you could tell his focus suddenly shifted to you for some reason. He looked almost… nervous?

“Thanks”, you said. “It’s my mum’s text notification. Thought it’d be funny. You know Hamilton?”

“Yeah”, he replied somewhat absentmindedly, still eyeing the mugs.

“Well, figures, it’s much more of a thing in the US. Not many people here have heard about it”, you said, pocketing your phone and turning to browse through tote bags.

“So how come you know it?”

“Spotify thought I’d like it, and it was right”, you grinned. “It’s really good. Wish I could see it live.”

“But that’d require travelling to that hated US”, Lin joked.

You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter anyway, I don’t have the cash.”

Lin finally settled on some postcards and a plushie of the Wawel Dragon and you returned to the main square to rest a bit and enjoy the afternoon. It was around six PM, and though there was quite a lot of people, the place didn’t feel crowded. You sat on a fairly secluded bench, watching the horse carriages come and go. The clopping of hooves on the cobblestone was one of your favourite sounds, lulling you into a peaceful state.

You glanced in Lin’s direction, your attention focusing on the green plushie in his bag. It occurred to you that you hadn’t visited the statue on Vistula’s bank. A shame, since it was funny to watch people’s reactions when it started to breathe fire.

“Do you even know the Wawel dragon’s story?”

“There’s a story?”, Lin asked in return, taking the toy out of the bag.

“Oh yeah. Everyone knows it. One of the Polish classics.”

“Well then, would you mind telling me?”

“Okay, so,” you began, “there’s this den under the castle hill, right? In the legendary times of king Krakus, a dragon lived there. It was a nuisance, mostly, setting things on fire, eating livestock, killing people… You know, general dragon-y things. So the king said that whoever killed it would get to marry his daughter. It was a pretty sweet deal, so many valiant knights tried to slay the beast. They all failed, though. By which I mean died.”

Lin giggled.

“Then, one day, instead of another knight, a shoemaker’s apprentice showed up and said he would kill the dragon. He stuffed a sheep skin with sulphur and left it outside the den. The dragon soon found and ate it, and because of the sulphur, it started to feel like it was burning inside. It figured that water should fix this problem, so it went to the Vistula river and started drinking. It drank so much, its belly kept swelling with all the water, and finally it exploded. The apprentice married the king’s daughter and became the next king, and they lived happily ever after.”

“That’s one cool story”, Lin grinned. “Now I’m even more glad I bought the plushie.”

“It’s short and simple, but it’s a good one. And the moral rings true.”

“What moral, exactly? Don’t eat sulphur?”

“Well,” you said, looking at the Sukiennice hall, “Hamilton has basically the same one, doesn’t it? Anyone can become someone, if they’re clever and use their head. A bit cliché, but still relevant.”

You glanced at Lin. He kept staring at the plushie dragon, looking thoughtful.

“Think that’s the message of Hamilton?”

“Well, it’s a complicated story with many possible morals to find, I guess. It’s also about finding your voice, supporting your family, the conflict between patience and drive, about legacy, and knowing when to push on and when to take a break… But the ‘zero to hero’ one seems the most important to me. Hamilton’s story proves that hard work pays off. It says so right in the first verses, right? How does a bastard, orphan… and so on… grow up to be a hero and a scholar? He got a lot farther by working a lot harder, by being a lot smarter, by being a self-starter.”

You started rapping the verses at the end, earning a laugh from Lin. “Hey, that was mean. I know it was probably the whitest rap you’ve ever heard, but I’m trying.”

“No, it was pretty good.”

“I can hear the sarcasm in your voice. Think you can do it better?”

“And what if I can?” Lin’s smirk kept getting bigger.

“Oh, it’s a bet now? Well, I guess I could get you a coffee. But there’s no way you’d do better than my rendition of My Shot.”

“You’re on.”

You got off the bench. The hours you spent rapping along to My Shot were now finally gonna pay off. There was no way you were going to lose this.

You rapped the whole first part, stopping right before Lafayette’s verses. You were quite pleased with yourself: didn’t need to stop for breath, got all the lyrics right… There was free coffee in your near future, and you could almost taste it already.

Lin clapped enthusiastically, grinning at your performance.

“Okay”, you said, sitting down. “Now it’s your turn.”

Lin hesitated for a second. Then he hopped off the bench and stretched his arms, which earned him a laugh. Smirking, he cleared his throat and began rapping, starting at “I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory”.

And your jaw dropped.

He finished after one chorus and looked at you smugly.

You still couldn’t quite believe what your ears were telling you. But there was no mistaking that voice. Now you knew why it sounded familiar from the start.

“So I believe you owe me coffee”, said Lin, still grinning like crazy.

You struggled to find your words.

“That was unfair”, you managed at last.

Lin shrugged. “Never said I was gonna play fair.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t realise earlier.” Now that you knew, it seemed so obvious.

“Can’t believe you listened to it often enough to memorise the lyrics, but never once saw a picture of my face.”

“I was gonna check out a bootleg recording… after my exams.”

“Bootleg? Really?” Lin looked displeased.

“It’s not like I can fly over an ocean to watch it live”, you said defensively.

“Well,” Lin smiled at you. “Why not?”

You stared at him.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am, though.”

”I still can’t afford the trip, even if you could get me tickets.”

“That’s really not a problem.”

“And why would you do that for me, anyway?” You raised your eyebrows. “I’m just a fan you met at some exotic European country on vacations. And quite a shitty one at that, because I didn’t even recognise you. You’re saying that you’re willing to pay for my plane, a hotel room, my ticket, and then fly me back?”

You couldn’t interpret the look on Lin’s face. Was it… disbelief? Disappointment?

“You’re not just a fan”, he said with a serious voice. “You’re Y/N who helped me find an ATM in this maze. Who agreed to spend their day off with a stranger giving him a tour of their city, free of charge – free of any ulterior motives, in fact. Who showed me all the best places around, fed me great food, told me a local fairytale. Without you, I’d probably waste most of that time on getting lost, and never find half of those amazing things you showed me. So, yeah, I’m willing to fly you to the US. Mostly so I can prove you wrong about that country and make you enjoy your stay as much as I enjoyed today. But also because I’d just like to see you again. I had fun.”

“So… you had fun with a fan?”

Lin groaned. “And they say that rhyming “son” with “sun” was bad.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself”, you grinned. “It’s just… it all seems kinda unreal, you know?”, you gestured in his general direction. “I was just casually enjoying an ice cream this morning, and now Lin-Manuel Miranda is inviting me to the US at his expense. What’s next? Mark Hamill showing up and asking me to be an extra in the new Star Wars?”

Lin laughed.

“Well, if you’d like to, that could be arranged…”

“No”, you interrupted him. “God, no. That’s enough of surreal stuff for one day, thank you very much. Can we… go back to when you were just a nice foreign guy I randomly met? Without all that being famous, my-shows-were-on-Broadway, I-sell-out-theatres stuff?”

Lin’s smile dimmed a little.

“There’s no escaping my celebrity status, eh? Even here, half a globe away.”

You stopped, looking at him. He was right. Even on vacations on a different continent, he had no break from being the Lin-Manuel Miranda.

“I’m sorry”, you said, biting your lip.

Lin shrugged. “Well, it was to be expected. Felt nice, though, being able to be just… Lin. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to walk around a city and be completely anonymous.”

You fell silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry”, you repeated. “It’s not like you changed in any way in the last twenty minutes. It’s just hard not to look at you differently when I found out you’re the guy I’m listening to on repeat every day. I’ve never met anyone even remotely famous before.”

“It’s fine. If I shut up before and didn’t bring up Hamilton, you probably would never recognise me”, he laughed a little.

“Fair enough. So,” you held out your hand to him. “I suggest we just go back to being Y/N and Lin, unlikely friends bonded by an ATM hunt. What do you think?”

Lin shook your hand with a wide smile.

“Fine by me.”

[tbhstudying1]

The sexism in surgery is shocking – from 'banter' to discrimination | Daniella Donato-Brown: from I should be studying... https://ift.tt/2Tz6DNJ via See More

The sexism in surgery is shocking – from 'banter' to discrimination | Daniella Donato-Brown

In 2016 58% of people applying to medicine and dentistry courses were women. However, according to the Royal College of Surgeons of England, only about 12% of consultant surgeons in 2018 were women. Why? A small survey in the BMJ medical journal points to the level of discrimination. As a general surgical trainee, I have been shocked by the experiences reported by some female colleagues. The discrepancy in the number of women applying to medicine and those going on to become consultant surgeons can partly be explained by the higher dropout rate. Could inherent gender discrimination within surgery itself play a part in that?

Female colleagues with children have struggled to be accepted and are seen as less than full-time surgeons, despite working similar hours in hospital to those surgeons with part-time hospital and research commitments. A female surgeon returning from maternity leave didn’t dare tell colleagues that she had a 10-month-old baby at home, fearing that she would be viewed as lacking “commitment to speciality”. Female surgeons are continually asked about their family plans. I was even asked at an international conference if colorectal surgery would be the correct career path if I plan to have children. These aren’t challenges that are unique to surgery – or to women, with more men taking longer paternity leave – yet the stigma seems more entrenched in surgery than other specialities.

All I can say is, as a woman in medicine, I am not surprised. Surgery is renowned for being a boys’ club, and that is just not on.