#and I’m not attributing this to any one fan base

[interact-if]

Our fourth edition of the Black History Month Author Spotlight series, features Becky (@losergames)!

(I’ve been in awe of Becky’s multi-talents (art, writing, coding, excuse me??) for a long time now, and am super excited to get to interview her and introduce her awesome game, Chop Shop! The portion on morality and finding a middle-ground between harmful stereotypes of “bad” POC characters and angelic, one-dimensional ones who can do no wrong was a really interesting and insightful take.)

Author: Becky

Hello hello!!! I’m Becky! I am a black bisexual woman from the UK, lover of games, TV and food. I have a Bachelor's degree in Animation & Visual Effects and currently work as a technician at a college 😁

Games: Chop Shop (crime, action, LGBTQ+, meaningful choices)

Short blurb: A crime action interactive fiction game.

Quote from the interview

There are a few main themes I keep in mind about when writing Chop Shop but the big one I think everyone understands is morality. What is right and wrong, and the various shades of grey in between, has been written about a thousand times in a thousand ways but it is continuously interesting to me in a changing world. What does it mean to be a bad person doing good things and a good person doing bad things? Is there a chance for redemption? What are the consequences? Race and class are also massive factors, made all the more complicated when we’re looking at sets of characters on either side of the PC’s life. I want to write black and other characters of colour make bad, questionable, and unredeemable decisions whilst also remaining aware of stereotypes and archetypes. I want them to be loud, messy, and rude, attributes that are always attached to minorities, but I also want them to be smart, calculating, and deceptive. I think a lot of people are scared to do so and we end up with plain, can-do-no-wrongers that lack any depth.

Read on for the full interview!

Can you tell me a bit about what you’re working on right now and your journey into interactive fiction? What inspired the game/story you’re currently writing?

I am currently working on the crime action interactive fiction Chop Shop. There are a mix of inspirations that went into Chop Shop but above all else I’d say the kicker was my circumstances at the time.

During covid I walked away from the WORST job I’ve ever had and moved back home, which I realised a while after was an extremely huge blessing. I had a major burnout and was processing what my ex-managers had put me and my colleagues through. So, in my freetime I was playing a lot of cyoa/ romance games (shoutout Love Island the game) and found a whole fandom that also enjoyed them. 

I made some friends, did art commissions, and wrote some fanfic here and there, yadda yadda. A close friend recommended I try out a very popular COG game at the time (🧛) and it all spiraled from there. I fell in love with the format, endless creativity, and community and never looked back.

I loved the Need For Speed games as a kid, the og Most Wanted, Carbon, and Underground 2 are, in my eyes, amongst the masterpieces of games from the 2000s. It got to the point I was going over to friends houses just to play on their PS2 lmao. I am also a Fast and Furious fiend (shock) and I will defend that god awful series till I die. Fast forward to being a teenager/ young adult I’ve become a massive fan of fictional crime shows. Breaking Bad will always be my first love, but I also love The Sopranos, Fargo, The Wire and more.

How has your identity, heritage/background, upbringing, or personal experiences influenced your storytelling or writing process? OR How does your work feature aspects of your identity / experience?

The real catalyst for Chop Shop was my previous job. A lot of the PC’s experiences are based off my own. A few examples I love sharing are how I had to make breakfast for my boss every morning and had to keep the office freezer stocked with a specific supermarket ice lolly because he ‘needed’ one every day at 3pm. I truly wish I was making this up because people think I’m crazy when I tell them. But I really was catering to a man-child because I was desperately trying to get my foot into a creative industry. Woof!!!

That said, the industry I wanted to work in was and still is extremely competitive. I came out of uni with a tonne of friends, but also a tonne of competition. It stung very badly to see my peers excel and surpass me when it came to careers but that’s just a part of becoming an adult. That life really was not for me and I’m glad I’m out of it now.

My mother is an extremely influential person in my life. Bits and pieces of her stick with me, not just in my writing but my every day. She’s worked in corporate all her life, from the early 80s and still to this day. She laughs about it now but she tells stories about the times she was laughed out of meetings or undermined by subordinates because she was a black woman in positions that were not occupied by minorities. It hurts to think about but I can only dream of having the type of strength she does.

Now that I think about it, Chop Shop is a massive fuck you to the past.

Are there any specific themes or messages you hope players take away from your work?

There are a few main themes I keep in mind about when writing Chop Shop but the big one I think everyone understands is morality. What is right and wrong, and the various shades of grey in between, has been written about a thousand times in a thousand ways but it is continuously interesting to me in a changing world. What does it mean to be a bad person doing good things and a good person doing bad things? Is there a chance for redemption? What are the consequences?

Race and class are also massive factors, made all the more complicated when we’re looking at sets of characters on either side of the PC’s life. I want to write black and other characters of colour make bad, questionable, and unredeemable decisions whilst also remaining aware of stereotypes and archetypes. I want them to be loud, messy, and rude, attributes that are always attached to minorities, but I also want them to be smart, calculating, and deceptive. I think a lot of people are scared to do so and we end up with plain, can-do-no-wrongers that lack any depth.

What does your writing process look like? Any rituals or habits? Any tips, tricks, philosophies or approaches that have worked very well for you?

I write way better outside of my bedroom. I know writing is supposed to be fun and a hobby but sometimes it’s… not. If I get stressed out in my room, it’s all a mess. The brain needs to be away from where I sleep to get work done. Last summer, when all the teachers were on holiday time, I was the only one in my department for weeks and it was the best writing stint I ever had haha.

Oh and I keep a huge spreadsheet. All the episode breakdowns, outlines, character details etc. It looks insane to anyone else but it is my prized baby.

Do you have favourite interactive fiction games, characters, scenes or authors that you’d like to recommend?

My goto game rec is always 180 Files: The Aegis Project. So quick and punchy, more narrative/plot than romance focused. The action sequences are fun and the interactions are so delicious, ugh. I love it. I’ve played it at least 20 times to get the different endings and it’s never not satisfying, just… chefs kiss. I’m also really enjoying Thicker Than right now AAHHH I NEED TO CATCH UP!!! 

Any books, music, movies etc. you’re obsessed with at the moment, or which changed your life (or perspectives on something)?

Not anything specific but I do have some books I’d like to recommend to my fellow black readers:

The Psychosis of Whiteness: Surviving the Insanity of a Racist World by Nicola Rollock

Black Skin, White Masks by Franz Fanon

The Strangers: Five Extraordinary Black Men and the Worlds That Made Them by Ekow Eshun

Black England: A Forgotten Georgian History by Gretchen Gerzina

The Hard Road To Renewal by Stuart Hall

Honestly I’d recommend anything by Stuart Hall lmao. RIP king, you would be shocked at the media literacy today.

This-or-that segment: (bold = Becky's pick)

Coffee or tea?

Early mornings or late nights?

City or countryside?

Angsty or Cozy romances? (Or enemies-to-lovers or best-friends-to-lovers?)  

Steady progress or frenzied binge-writing followed by periods of calm?

Summer or Winter?

First drafts or editing?

Introvert or extrovert?

Plotter or pantser?

Characters or plot first?

Becky’s custom “either-or” pairing: Driver or passenger?

[anim-ttrpgs]

I and my friends are making a ttrpg for fun, and have come to an impasse. We disagree about the inclusion of an attribute, that dictates the PCs bravery. Therefore I wonder what a gamedev plugged into the TTRPG scene, thinks about mechanics that make PCs act brave/cowardly.

Well if you ask me specifically, I’m going to tell you don’t include anything that can take control of a player’s character away from them, but that does not mean that you can't have any kind of mechanic/stat that governs a PCs fear or stress level.

I personally can’t stand that mechanics that dictate that PCs run away, or dictate that they do anything at all like by falling under mind control, not because I think of the character as myself or some shit like that, I just consider myself to be the person most qualified to know what he or she would do in any given situation, so I’ve never been a fans of passing or failing saving throws or whatever determining if my character takes a certain action or not.

This is not to be confused with, like, regular dice rolls. Rolls to determine if my character can do a certain action well enough to succeed are totally fine, in fact I often want more of those.

This is one of the reasons why the Composure and Tiers of Fear systems in Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy work the way they do.

We definitely wanted fear to be something that could affect the PCs and cause them to run away in a realistic fashion, these aren’t supposed to be fearless action-heroes, but I didn’t want it to be just a dice roll and then the GM tells you that your PC has to run away now. So, instead, Composure acts as a “cap�� to the PC’s Skill modifiers. Base Skills cannot be higher than the PC’s current Composure level, making them worse and worse at succeeding skill checks the more frazzled and fatigued they are.

This never forces a situation where a player is told “your PC is going to run away no matter what,” but it means that the lower and lower that Composure gets, the more running away or surrender seems like a better and better idea.

That isn’t to say that mechanics that force certain character actions have absolutely no place in RPGs, hell Eureka even has one instance of this with wolfman rampages, but that’s only for one single character type, not a main mechanic which affects all PCs.

It’s well known that I really love AD&D2e, which has tons of that, though I also think that that may be one of the reasons why such a mechanic is so prevalent in TTRPGs in general. I’ve found that for a lot of TTRPGs, if you pick any random mechanic and ask “why is this in the game,” the answer is often some variation of “because D&D did it,” with little thought as to whether it needs to be in this RPG that isn’t D&D, or as to whether it was even a good idea when D&D did it.

Ultimately, study lots of RPGs, and know that there is more than one option besides just "do it the way D&D does it" and "don't do it at all."

[holyrunawaychild]

Names for Lyssia’s Noble Families

Surnames are a strange anomaly in the world of Wereworld/Wolf King. The name Ferran is ubiquitous with Drew and his adoptive family. Yet few other characters in the books have family names of their own.

Least of all the great Werelord houses of Lyssia.

So, I thought of having a bit of fun and give the Werelords House names.

Feel free to use any of these or create your own for your own fancanon. I’d love to hear what surnames you’d give your favorite werelords.

The Grey Wolves of Westland

As obvious as Remus or Romulus would be for the late Wergar and his kin, I settled on Gévaudan. The name is from a historic province in France, now part of Lozère and Haute-Loire.

It was there that possibly one of the most famous werewolf incidents happened in the mid 1700s. For 3 years the Beast of Gévaudan terrorized the countryside and woodlands of the province. It got so bad that the King of France had to get involved.

Feels appropriate for our protagonist’s birth name to reference this legend.

The Bears of Brackenholme

For the Bearlords, I narrowed down to three.

For a more blunt reference to their ursathrope nature, there’s Arctodus. Taken from an extinct genus of short-faced bear.

For surnames that connect to the African influence Wolf King has given them. There’s Abioye (meaning “born into royalty”), and Opeyemi (meaning “gratitude is suitable for me”).

The Boars of Redmire

I’m aware that Hector is given the last name Huth (his father’s name) a lot within the fandom, but I’m not treating that as canon as it’s never directly attributed to him in the books.

Like the Bearlords, I came to three names. I leaned more to the Asian influence Wolf King gave to them for inspiration.

First is Babiruso, based on the babirosa. An Indonesian deer-pig famous for its tusks growing through its snout.

That other possible names I came to were Bajie and Wuneng, in refrence to the character of Zhu Bajie from Journey to the West.

The Foxes of Hedgemoor

For the Foxlords, I wanted to stray away from more obligatory refrences to foxes. As easy as it would be to have House Vulpine, I felt I could do better. Instead I focused on their ties to Hedgemoor for the basis.

First is Baumgartner, a German occupational name for those who live or work in orchards. Likely where the Foxes got their wealth.

Blumenthal (“flowers valley”) and Rosenfeld (“field of roses”) are options both fitting of the descriptions we get of Hedgemoor in the books.

The Rats of Vermire

I honestly couldn’t come up with much for the Rat King.

Nezumi came up, simply Japanese for rat. Felt appropriate given the visual influence on Vankaskan.

The only other name I could decide on for the Ratlords was Lackland. A famous nickname for Prince John, under the assumption he’d inherit no lands. Given the Rats’ pension to cling onto whomever has power, I could see Lackland being a name that was attached to them early on in their political careers. A name they would claim for their own as they rose up under Leopold.

The Lions of Leos

Getting into some light spoilers and fan canon for this one for my reasoning.

Leopold is not from Lyssia. Like other Catlords he hails from Bast, a jungle continent south of Lyssia. For me it made sense that the Catlords, and in turn the Lions, would have a different style of family names.

For them, family names could be titles inherited and earned. Those unworthy of them are stripped of them.

I settled on Therium Rex, “King of Beasts”. Because what other title is suitable for a Lion.

The Sharks of The Cluster Isles

Initially when trying to find a name for Vega, I searched through Spanish and Arabic names to find one fitting. Though none felt quite right.

Then, like I had with the Lionlords, I created one for Vega in particular. de Sosha.

For Wolf King only fans, Sosha is the Lyssian goddess of the sea. Every sailor on the White Sea pays homage to her, Vega included.

It feels fitting to his character, then, to bear her name, either by choice or by birth.

The Stags of Stormdale

Given the classical knight aesthetic the Staglords have in both Wereworld and Wolf King, I went for those kind of names for their family.

Bergmann, literally “mountain man”, would be fitting given their home in the Barebones. The mountain range that divides Lyssia in two.

Hirsch, “deer, hart”, a simple one that just refrences their cervithrope nature. Felt fine considering this one given, without translating, you wouldn’t immediately know what it means.

Lastly, Sieghard, which just felt like it fit with the ‘Knights of Old’ identity the Stags have.

The White Wolves of Shadowhaven

Though not extensively featured in season 1, the White Wolves are still important through Queen Amalie.

Though she’d have likely taken Wergar’s name in marriage, I wanted to give some ideas for her maiden name.

Amarok, leaning into my Inuit white wolves headcanons, Amarok was the name of a wolf god/spirit within Inuit folklore.

Taking pieces from other arctic peoples, there’s Bayanai, meaning “patron of hunters” in Altaic-Turkic (from northern Siberia). A spirit/goddess of forests and animals.

I ultimately chose spirit/god names for Amalie because of the inherent magik White Wolves are later revealed to have.

[daenerysstormreborn]

Time to ramble. I’m thinking about the way Arya and Sansa fans seem to get into this debate about who was more lonely and neglected in Winterfell. Which is kind of funny because then the arguments get totally reversed when debating other aspects of the characters. But anyway. The general arguments seem to be:

1. Arya was clearly the neglected outcast. This is clear in the meta narrative because of her connection to Jon and the fact that she doesn’t look like her true born siblings. The more direct evidence comes from the way Sansa and Jeyne teased her, the harshness of Septa Mordane, and Catelyn’s exasperation. It can be inferred that Arya feels a sense of insecurity wrt to her family ties as she wonders if her own mother would want her back after everything that happened. It can be assumed that she was a bit of an outcast based on her disinterest in the things expected of her as a girl, and we see the way many characters look down upon non-conforming women and girls in-universe. Sansa, on the other hand, receives praise from her mother and the septa and has two named close friends in Winterfell. She happily conforms to what is expected of her as a highborn girl and we can assume she would fit in in Winterfell.

2. Sansa was clearly the neglected outcast. This is clear in the meta narrative because she is the only one to lose her direwolf, which is the family symbol. The more direct evidence comes from contrast with Arya, whom Sansa observes can “make friends with anybody,” seemingly in contrast to herself. Ned agreed to kill Lady despite knowing she was innocent and indulged Arya’s interest in swordplay whilst being unenthusiastic about indulging Sansa’s interest in tourneys. Arya is demonstrated to be beloved by Ned’s men in a way we do not observe with Sansa. We can assume that Sansa didn’t feel like she belonged because of her interest in sothron culture, something none of her siblings share. Arya, on the other hand, is extroverted, makes friends easily, is northern in appearance, and has no interest in sothron culture, so we can assume she fit in in Winterfell.

I actually don’t think a lot of the points in the two arguments is mutually exclusive. We also have to remember POV bias. Arya doesn’t reflect on Any friends her age she had at Winterfell (I am not including Mycah because I am under the impression they became friends on the way to King’s Landing), but Arya is not one to reflect and reminisce. Sansa notices that Arya can make friends with anyone, but she doesn’t experience Arya’s inner world. What does Sansa mean by making friends? Does she see Arya having fun and being at ease talking to anyone and feel envy, since she herself feels like is performing, always minding her manners, when she’s socializing with most people? Could it be that Arya is friendly but struggles to find long term close friends like Jeyne and Beth, attributing this disparity to Sansa’s “ladylike” interests? Could it be that being teased by Sansa and her friends and scolded by Catelyn and Mordane has made Arya assume that other girls wouldn’t be interested in close friendship with her, causing her to be friendly but keep a certain distance? (**please note I am not trying to make a case for nlog Arya. I think keeping a distance because you assume you’ll be rejected is different and does not require that she looks down upon other girls, because there is no evidence for that here**)

I don’t have a good conclusion I just think it’s interesting that this is something that gets debated because the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. We can’t know because we get very few flashbacks and the story picks up when their normal lives in Winterfell end. I can’t speak to George’s intentions but if we pretend they’re real people I’d speculate that both would have felt misplaced within Winterfell at times, envying certain traits about the other

[lemurballing]

okay so i really wanted to do this in Prim and Proper Essay Form with demonstration drawings and stuff but if i wait for that its never going out so screw it.

tangle design evolution/changes post with whatever tangle pics i can grab and edit on my phone

i am aware many of these changes can be attributed to art style; i’m not questioning that these are all tangle, but i find joy in dissecting the little things and how many parts of tangle’s design are drawn with so much variance

What’s the difference anyway? That’s just five normal pictures of Tangle in that above edit, right?

That’s rhetorical - they are, and they’re subtly (or not-so-subtly) different in interesting ways. So I’m going to note the five features I find vary the most, and are most critical to Tangle’s design (in order of significance):

Eye shape - Hair style - Face mask & muzzle - Ear shape - Tail

I would also maintain the stance that while every character differs somewhat between art styles, Tangle varies most often across IDW, and with larger changes between one depiction and another. Additionally, I didn’t notice many (if any) other examples of characters whose base eye shape changes between depictions like Tangle’s does!

(this got long, see under the cut)

So… what’s with Tangle’s eyes? Contrast these 3 images:

Tangle’s model sheet, on which her eyes have only one corner (the inner corner) and the outside of the eye is an oval/rounded shape - a panel from issue 71, in which Tangle’s eye has 2 prominent corners (inner corner and upper outer corner; plus the harsher join between her lower outer corner and muzzle) - and a panel from issue 37, in which we have the inner corner and rounded eyes again, but the lower outer corner joins the muzzle also.

Each of these are enough to change the expressions you can make with that same eye shape - the eye type depicted in the #37 panel is most versatile for squinting/wide eyes/smushing around the eyebrows for expressions, while the other two are distinctly more ‘pretty’ eye shapes, similar to the eye shapes used for characters like Blaze or Rouge. They also give you a pretty strong impression of Tangle’s demeanor and character; the ‘pretty’ eye shapes can make her look more focused, while the rounded ‘corner-anchored’ eye type makes her look more open and friendly.

(I personally appreciate Tangle’s design as a juxtaposition between ‘pretty face’ and ‘gremlin energy’ - and intentionally drawing her eyes off-model for funny expressions such as the ones below, even if her eye shape is by default the ‘pretty’ one, is a tactic I’m a fan of.)

Next on the discussion block: hair style!

There are two main categories I find art of Tangle to fall into: ‘mohawk’ and ‘poff’.

Three examples (one of which is my own art) of the ‘mohawk’ category:

You can see the general hairstyle starts between her ears or behind them and flows forwards in more or less individual tufts; this is based on her model sheet, which I’ve embedded enough in this post already.

Examples of the ‘poff’ hairstyle:

Her hair is either all rooted ahead of the ears, or has a distinctly larger mass of hair in front of them that overshadows the smaller tufts behind it.

Sometimes she’s drawn in a way that toes the line between either hairstyle, which builds more uncertainty as to which hairstyle she’s supposed to have. I’m not even sure if this ‘poff’ hairstyle is a change one artist did for their own style that others jumped on, or a misunderstanding that got carried on and kept up?

While not quite as expressive or important to characterization, the hairstyle does somewhat indicate Tangle’s personality; the ‘mohawk’ does a similar thing as the ‘pretty eyes’, adding sharp angles and a ‘focused’ impression, while the poff is fluffier and friendlier.

And now we’re onto: face mask and muzzle! I’ve grouped them together since they’re in a similar spot on her face, but each one can change independently of the other.

In most of her official depictions, Tangle has a very short and almost flat muzzle shape:

Whereas other depictions (and a good few of my own) lengthen her muzzle and give it a point:

I’ll touch on this a little more in the segment for ears, but as far as real animal accuracy, the longer and pointier muzzle reflects ringtailed lemurs better. They actually have a prominent snout more similar to a canine, rather than flat faces like other primates people commonly know about; chimpanzees, gorillas, the monkey from night at the museum, etc.

While accuracy to real life animals is already vague at best in the Sonic series, Tangle’s muzzle being depicted as extra short implies to me a misunderstanding between ringtailed lemurs as ‘sort of a monkey, right?’ versus what they actually look like. A flatter muzzle can make humanlike expressions easier, and similarly to the ‘poff’ hairstyle makes her more friendly and harmless-looking - but it does lose something compared to the more lemurlike pointed muzzle. And plenty of neat expressions are possible with a more pointed muzzle, so it’s not like it sacrifices Tangle’s expressiveness to use it, even ignoring going off-model for an expression.

The other detail to note is her facial marking; while it is always a 'bump' shape between her eyes, the height of the marking can differ, sometimes higher than halfway up between her eyes, and occasionally only a third of the way up. I do want to point out a neat thing about some panels her facial marking is drawn in, and how it lines up with her muzzle shape - when I sketch Tangle, I often place her facial features by drawing this kinda triangular shape first, and then her nose and other features.

Next is ear shape! There’s only two distinct shapes used in canon art, but I’ll also showcase a third style I draw:

First is the rounded ear type, a panel from issue 47 - a pointed ear type from issue 71 - and a fuzzy ear type (pointed backwards) in my fanart. While the lack of fuzz in official art I understand (since no other characters such as Tails or Blaze have fuzzy ears either), I don’t understand the roundness! Every picture I’ve seen of ringtailed lemur ears look pretty pointy, so I vastly prefer the issue 71 take on her ears - they’re also easier to point around for expressions. The rounder ears simply play into the (imo) excessively rounded shapes used for Tangle across some issues.

Last topic - Tangle's tail! While this is the most consistent feature, certain artists' styles will depict it at different thicknesses, which I find an interesting change, as it does create a different impression of what Tangle's tail is capable of.

The thicker tail shapes place emphasis on the strength of Tangle's tail, as well as being more striking on the page since it takes up more room, like writing with sharpie vs ballpoint pen. The thinner tail shapes imply some normality - that the only weird thing about Tangle's tail is its ability to stretch and extend. (I do consider these separate aspects of Tangle's powers - I could even do a whole second essay on Tangle's tail's abilities, after the first one!)

Additionally, the thicker tail is more plausible for special poses, such as Tangle propping herself up with just her tail, compared to an average-length tail that would have to coil an extra 2x or 3x to get the same height, which just seems inconvenient…

If you read this whole thing, thank you! :D

I definitely haven’t exhausted my reserve of items to talk about, about character design and Tangle both, so feel free to add on if you have something new or a question <3

[jtl-frozenduck]

About the Community

There are some things this account wants to make clear to everyone.

This is an explanation—an explanation of why I’ve stopped pretending that "everything is fine" and why I’m setting clear boundaries. If you’ve ever followed me, enjoyed my work, or just stumbled upon this statement by chance, I hope you can understand the reasons behind it.

Part 1: What Happened?

1. The disappointment post

Timeline:

2022: I first pinned a statement on my X (formerly Twitter) profile clarifying my creative preferences. The top three posts on my profile also included CP (coupling) content.

Early 2024: I drew some Wakfu Season 4 fan art.

About a year later, I accidentally came across a post from a user (let’s call them X) who had previously followed me (now, used to follow me). The post roughly said: "Ugh, you find an artist you really like, only to discover they ship incest..." Along with a "happy face turning to poop face" meme, implying feelings of "betrayal" and "disappointment."

X mentioned that I was an artist they "liked," but my preferences shocked them and left them deeply disappointed. Someone replied, "It feels like getting shot in the head," and others discussed how "the fandom’s atmosphere is getting worse." Essentially, in that discussion, I went from being a "cool artist" to a "disappointing disgrace."

I didn’t know the person who posted this, but their profile picture triggered a memory—between March and April 2024, my account gained a lot of new followers due to my fan art. Many unfamiliar faces followed me through those posts. Based on this, I’m certain that X had been following me since at least March-April 2024.

Then, on May 11, 2025, X posted their "I’m so shocked" thread and unfollowed me. This basically means that during the entire year they followed me, they:

Never read my pinned bio.

Never checked my profile to see my other works—even though my ship art was literally among the top three posts on my page.

And yet, in all of this, they called me "an artist they liked."

I’ll come back to this later—now, let’s move on to another incident.

————————————————————

2. The T-Shirt

Timeline:

Two days after the disappointment post incident, I came across a post on Tumblr where someone had shared a T-shirt featuring my artwork.

No credit was given to the original artist (me), nor was permission ever asked.

Many of the people who liked the post were my own followers, yet none of them reminded the poster to credit the artist.

On June 3, 2025, a user named th3lost4uthor (thank you for this) finally stepped in and asked the poster to properly attribute the artwork.

The poster then explained that they didn’t make the shirt themselves—it was purchased from Wildberries, a Russian e-commerce site (https://www.wildberries.ru/catalog/311753588/detail.aspx?targetUrl=EX).

They clarified that they never intended to claim the art as their own, and after being reminded, they edited the post to include:

A link to the original artwork.

A thank-you message to all Wakfu creators.

Initial Situation

When the post first appeared without any annotations, I assumed the T-shirt was produced by the OP themselves. As for why they used this artwork, the reason wasn’t hard to grasp: The OP is a Wakfu fan. Within this fan community, there happened to be a piece of art that looked quite nice—likely suitable for printing on a T-shirt—so they used it. The motivation was simple: As a Wakfu fan, wearing a themed shirt in public is pretty cool. Since the printed T-shirt turned out well, they could share this joy on social media with fellow fans. This joy was indeed shared: Many people—some of whom were followers of my account—liked the post. Fans within the same community commented under the post: "The T-shirt looks really great!"

……

At the time, I considered one possibility: The poster might not have understood it's unacceptable to use artwork without permission. They likely just saw the piece somewhere, liked it, and printed it. It's that simple. When doing this, they might not have even registered the existence of an "artist" as a factor—it was simply an image of a character they loved from a favorite work, used without second thought. Call it an unexamined instinct. That’s essentially how I comforted myself back then.

But why did it upset me? The poster didn’t actually disrespect the artwork—they didn’t make the shirt. They genuinely seemed unaware of crediting norms, and they did add the source link afterward. Let me clarify: I’m not hung up on the OP forgetting to credit initially, nor even on the e-commerce site profiting from printing my art without permission. You see, e-commerce platforms will print anything: Wakfu art today, Series B fanart tomorrow, Series C designs the day after… Their business model is transparent: exploit trending art to attract buyers and drive sales. The y-axis? Pure profit. Who created it? Which character or fandom does it represent? They don’t care. I understand this model perfectly. What’s there to say?

For most artists, the next steps are routine: report the store, demand takedowns, and in extreme cases, discuss compensation. But according to the page, that store only sold one shirt—the one the OP bought. Realistically, if no one buys, the hustle isn’t worth their effort anyway.

It' s about the fandom.

I know some will inevitably say, "People who like immoral ships don't deserve respect!" or similar things. This polarized, factionalized debate has dragged on forever. People fight over it as if life depends on it. Personally, I have zero interest in this. In many petty arguments, it often has nothing to do with so-called morality or righteousness—it’s just people disliking each other and picking fights. Nothing more to say, much like the e-commerce issue earlier. This is the reality of today’s internet: discussions are explosive, and firing off knee-jerk insults at someone whose content you dislike is far easier than approaching strangers online with courtesy and caution.

This isn’t unique to this fandom. It’s a phenomenon in every so-called "harmonious community" formed around shared interests. The atmosphere feels less like a warm little utopia and more like a mountain strongman rallying his followers to hype something up. Rarely is there serious reflection, investigation, or scrutiny of the root issue. If you’ve seen how police stations or HR departments meticulously handle cases, you’d realize how crude it is to casually spew prejudiced remarks online.

What troubles me most isn' t just differences in opinions or preferences—it's a widespread pattern I’ve observed: There's a type of person who constantly parades morality, tirelessly patrolling every corner with a self-sacrificing sense of public duty. They believe they bear heavy responsibility for "managing" the community, eagerly slapping labels on anyone who falls short of their standards. Though they might be rude to strangers, their actions are justified as "maintaining harmony." Their zeal quickly attracts like-minded people. Like anyone craving connection, they cluster together happily. But when they stumble into a gray area — especially when they become the minority, the "inappropriate" case in the eyes of a larger force — their tone suddenly turns meek. Gone is the sharpness; now they plead for understanding and respect. Their earnestness implies that refusing them would be immoral, and rejection would seem callous. So of course, people rush to comfort them, lavishing promises while praising their past contributions to the group's friendly atmosphere. Because they've met the community’s "decent person" standard, they're assured they'll never face cold treatment. The actual "gray area" issue becomes irrelevant—the person is now the focus.

So I wonder: For such tightly bonded communities, resolving problems was never the point. Something else matters more—something crucial to cementing their grand camaraderie. Witnessing this great friendship, I feel profoundly mocked. In truth, these people have no consistent standard for addressing issues. All they wield is morality—until it involves themselves or their inner circle. Then it's a different story.

Is this abnormal? Not really. In fact, it's deeply human. Nothing shocking. But the justice they preach isn't practiced. After all, they apply entirely different standards to different groups. And that's not even the core issue—the real question is: What is the actual problem? Who is the problem? What are people even arguing about? Why does the same situation elicit shifting rhetoric from these "guardians of justice"? Is the "big problem" even a problem?

I don’t know.

Ultimately, these cheap questions might interest no one. People prefer crushing others, driving the "undesirables" out of sight—because careful discussion won't build their ideal community. After all, a "perfectly harmonious" community simply means one where the other side doesn't exist. That's the standard.

"Community" doesn't exist. We're just strangers who happened to notice the same work. Beyond that, we share nothing. We don't create together. But fixating on the same work creates this illusion.

True shared creation can only spark from friendly exchanges. There's no other way.

I know some reading this will think: "So we should tolerate these freaks roaming everywhere? Endure these weirdos?" Asking this reveals they’re still trapped in that mindset. Words like "tolerate" and "endure" betray a territorial mentality—it’s just saying, "You’re not welcome here." 

I can't tell you who's "truly problematic," nor promise that holding certain attitudes will spare you pain. Sometimes, the "enemy" you imagine might resemble you more than you think.

But truth can't be found without objective standards. Time might offer answers—but spending it observing and understanding others' complexities is too slow for our fast-paced society. Time is precious, and we have alternatives.

So the best approach is to walk away. If you're dissatisfied—please, just walk away.

There are others that I won't mention here.

On 27 June 2024, I made a vague statement on tumblr. At the time, I was in a terrible mood and didn't know how to express it. I haven't posted anything since then. I've tried to forget about it, but the silent time still makes me feel bad about some of the things I saw a year ago. Can't help but always just think back to those things. So that's just the way things are.

Part 2: Why I’m Setting Boundaries

It’s easy to see that people enjoy some of my work. That’s why they might follow this account or buy merchandise featuring it. My fan art pleases fellow fans of the same work—including people like X. The keyword is pleasure. When I draw characters you like, I’m a "god-tier artist." When I draw the ships, I become a "stain on the fandom." People can praise my art while ignoring my creative stance; they can consume my work while forgetting the creator exists. Silent likes are an attitude too—they endorse "unauthorized use is fine."

I’ve realized that respect for creators is selective here. To some, I’m just a consumable product—an abstract entity in their minds. In this "friendly, free" community——Expressing your likes requires permission. Getting that permission means appeasing certain figures.

Respect isn’t "I like parts of you and ignore the rest." Following me without reading my pinned statement isn’t "liking" me—it’s selective consumption.

I refuse to internalize this anymore. I’m done with sneering, double standards, and hypocritical judgments. I’m tired.

Part 3: My Decision

If you can't respect me as a whole creator, unfollow. If what I love isn' t what you actually love, unfollow.

Some last few things…

Hey, to the person who posted about that T-shirt—if you happen to be reading this, please don’t feel targeted or like you did something terrible (and of course, if you haven’t seen this or genuinely don’t think it’s a big deal, just ignore this). Right now, I’m not angry. We’re all just fans of the same work—nothing more than that.

Keep the T-shirt. No matter how complicated all this drama about social etiquette, fandom rules, or whatever else might be, a T-shirt is just a T-shirt. In the physical world, it’s just a piece of fabric with some blue and red dye in the middle. Honestly, out of everything in this situation, the shirt itself is probably the most innocent thing here.

I’m guessing the customer who left that comment under the online store’s listing was probably your family. Whatever the case, the money’s already been spent… Just, next time, maybe avoid buying from shady sources like that. But for now, keep the shirt and treat it like any other piece of clothing in your wardrobe. Clothes are meant to be worn, right? Don’t overthink it when you put it on. Just be happy. That’s all there is to it.

And finally, to those who came to care and greet me from the beginning to the end, if you've taken the time to read this post at this very moment, I'd like to say: thank you for being willing to do this, Really, thank you.

[scholarinbookland]

My Jimin Unanswered Questions

When I first got into Jimin, the rough order of operations was Who on Spotify, then the Who MV, and then SGMB, SMF Pt 2, and Like Crazy back to back. After that I listened to the FACE and MUSE playlists on YouTube, found the Doolset translations, and fell down a uniquely Jimin version of the BTS rabbithole (being too sick to move around gives you WAY too much free time).

For BTS content, I went over to Reddit a bit and found some RUN BTS episode recommendations, watched Rise of Bangtan and immediately noticed some narrative push by that fan documentarian, and thankfully stumbled across TheJiminVideos and their much less misinformation-riddled way (sourcing makes everything easier to spot-check!) of providing a look at Jimin’s skills, achievements and personality before ever encountering BTS fan compilations (I watched one and began blocking every channel that makes them to end up on my YouTube feed).

I’ve also watched several older Bangtan Bombs on Bangtan Subs to get an impression of Jimin’s offstage personality and how it changed throughout his career. However, I’m left with some questions that only people who started out as BTS fans can answer.

Where did some of the more negative or unflattering tropes (overly flirtatious/attention-seeking, horrible self-image, etc) I see attributed to Jimin’s character come from? Is it the company, shippers, fans of other members, mistranslations, or simply older fans passing down moments where Jimin discusses past struggles to help fans out of context?

What B-Sides really highlight Jimin’s voice that are more obscure? I’ve seen a lot of their promoted songs with choreography, and a bunch of Jimin fan cams, but their discography is large enough that there are definitely gems where Jimin shines that I’ve never heard.

How has Jimin evolved as a person and performer, from the perspective of an older fan? The part in his Suchwita episode where he talks about crying in the bathroom before and after music show performances due to lack of vocal confidence but getting his game face on and shouting “Who am I?” to the fans onstage at the age of 17 was eye-opening. He’s definitely someone who doesn’t let adversity keep him from working to better himself, but I am curious about how his stage persona and fan-based content persona changed over the last decade.

Are there any pieces of Jimin content that are a must-watch? His digital footprint is large enough that even in three months, there’s no way I’ve seen it all, especially with how I rewatched his solo MVs and other content that needed multiple views to digest.

[evenhisfacewasanalias]

Remedy

Lady Jane Grey/Guildford Dudley

Rating: Adult

He shifts down, again allowing some of the warmth from his palms to seep into her skin before pressing against the tension there too. This time Jane leans into the motion, exhaling intentionally as she feels the intense pressure and subsequent release. Another hold and press, this time moving outward from her spine. The back of her day dress doesn’t leave much room for him to maneuver but he’s covering as much bare skin as he can with each touch.

“You don’t need to do this for me,” she automatically insists, though she doesn’t exactly try to halt him.

“I’m not,” Guildford retorts, not stopping either. “I’m doing it for me - you’ve barely turned a page in the last half hour and I can’t think when you’re over there groaning like a doddard.”

(Aka: Guildford offers Jane a backrub as they search for a cure together)

Jane can feel a particularly stubborn knot forming at the base of her skull from squinting at the faded ink of the codex in front of her - echoing the throbbing of her temples at trying to parse out the unfamiliar Greek dialect. There is also, of course, the ongoing issue of the tightness between her shoulder blades from spending evening after evening hunched over a pile of ancient manuscripts and her own notes. Her lower back isn't faring much better either. In fact, it might be safe to say her entire spine feels about as rigid and inflexible as the ones on these books. Her headache, however, may also be attributed to her research partner.

After eight failed cures for Ethianism, Guildford has taken it upon himself to help go over her notes. Unfortunately, this means he’s taken over her usual spot on her own bed, sprawling back against her headboard and claiming her pillows for himself while she is left to perch awkwardly on the other end trying to read Aeolic.

And this would be so much easier if Jane was a fan of Greek poetry instead of medicine and philosophy, which were mainly written in the Athenian dialects. She’s certain the loss of the η and the excess vowels sounded absolutely lovely when read aloud, but to her exhausted mind it just makes everything that much more difficult to translate. The fact that this writer, one Cadmus of Thessaly, uses far too many pronouns isn’t helping either. Αυτός without any definite article could mean ‘self’, but with one typically meant ‘this’ or ‘the same’. So was the αυτός described connected to or separate from the θηρίον, the wild beast? What did the “love” or “delight in” of φιληδεω translate to? Was Guildford supposed to ‘love’ his beast self? Was he to ‘delight in’ spending time with other horses? Was someone supposed to fall in love with him?

She looked over at the man arrogantly sprawled across her pillows, currently tossing aside her notes as if they were mere rubbish. 

If that were the case, he’d be stuck as a horse forever. 

Maybe he was supposed to get a horse to like him?

Jane couldn’t seem to stop her brain from asking the next question - was Guildford supposed to fuck a horse? 

She grimaced at the invasive thought. Obviously not - for one thing, she knew the difference between φιλη and έρως - erotic love. And half the Ethians of her acquaintance weren’t even mammals. 

Deciding she had had more than enough of Cadmus of Thessaly for one evening, she tosses the book aside, and tries to unfurl her spine.

“Gah! ” Ok, so that was a terrible plan. Her spine has clearly decided to take out its vengeance on her for her bad posture. 

Guildford is looking at her strangely, and she realizes she probably looks like she managed to injure herself reading. At least the Duke of Leicester isn’t here to confirm his suspicions that the habit is too dangerous for young ladies. 

“Someone should invent a more agreeable position for reading,” she says to no one in particular, but also very much to Guildford in order to explain her geriatric verbal eruptions.

“Well it’s certainly not going to be that hunchback posture you’re trying to perfect,” he tosses back, as if he’s not the one directly at fault for her awkward seating posture.

Jane will insist on pain of death that the sound that comes out of her mouth next is not a squawk.

“Well I wouldn’t need to hunch over if a certain someone hadn’t taken up the entire headboard of my own bed.”

“There’s more than enough room up here -” Guildford extends his arm to indicate the pillow next to him, only to bump against the pile of crumpled parchment at his side.

“Yes, I so dearly love sitting amongst the refuse of all my hard work.”

“I didn’t,” he starts, and then, perhaps thinking better of trying to deny it, “these are just the old pages, the ones we tried that didn’t work. Or things I’ve already tried myself. And I can move them, you know.”

She tries to wave him off, not exactly looking to wedge herself in next to him any more than she wants to be hunched over at the end of the bed. But apparently her shoulders are now joining in on the protest as well. She winces and lowers her arm back to a more neutral position.

“Look, just come up here,” he insists.

“It’s fine,” she sighs, “the damage is done, I might as well stay like this until we’re finished.”

“It’s not fine, if you get any more uptight about it you’re liable to break something. Just…here.”

He pushes aside all the parchment, making space just to the side of himself. And Jane doesn’t particularly want to sit that close to him but she’s also too tired and sore to argue about it. She shifts up toward him with as much dignity as she can, only wincing a little when she tries to straighten back.

Perhaps she winces a lot.

Whatever she does, it seems to inspire Guildford to step in and rearrange her. Only instead of arranging her back against the headboard, he turns her back towards himself, pushing aside her braid and lightly prodding at her neck and shoulders with his thumbs. A pained hiss from her has his thumbs immediately retreating. But his hands remain where they are, heavy and warm against the small amount of skin revealed by the back of her day dress.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re too tense, I need your muscles to warm up and acclimatize before I do anything.”

“And just what is it you..?”

She starts to ask but then he presses with his whole palm against the spread of her trapezius just below her neck, so that her question finishes instead with a surprised exhale. Whatever he just did burns hot along the strained nerves of her spine, but also feels sort of nice?

He shifts down, again allowing some of the warmth from his palms to seep into her skin before pressing against the tension there too. This time Jane leans into the motion, exhaling intentionally as she feels the intense pressure and subsequent release. Another hold and press, this time moving outward from her spine. The back of her dress doesn’t leave much room for him to maneuver but he’s covering as much bare skin as he can with each touch.

“You don’t need to do this for me,” she automatically insists, though she doesn’t exactly try to halt him. 

“I’m not,” Guildford retorts, not stopping either. “I’m doing it for me - you’ve barely turned a page in the last half hour and I can’t think when you’re over there groaning like a doddard.”

Jane is definitely making noises now, as warm hands shift up to squeeze at the back of her neck.

“Mmh ,” she can’t help but hum as his lightly callused thumbs come back into the equation, stroking along the jut of tight muscle down her neck, gradually loosening it. 

He pauses for a second at the sound, almost long enough for her to be embarrassed by the noise, but then he resumes, digging his thumbs a little deeper with each pass. Jane lets her head tip forward, the stretch of it no longer so painful. 

Guildford has really nice hands, Jane realizes. Broad and strong, but surprisingly gentle, with agile fingers. In the privacy of her own mind she can admit that her eyes are often drawn to them. The night they met they were twirling around two stolen blades, expertly tossing them at the center of the dart board. The next time they met those self-same fingers were slipping a wedding ring around her own. She tries not to think about the ring itself too much, or the matching one around his own finger. Nor does she linger on the memory of him spinning her into his arms on their wedding night, only to humiliate her.

For entirely different reasons she skips over the memory of those strong hands pouring water across his bared physique in the stables. Far safer to think about his hands as he passes her a book - the broad expanse of them covering far more surface area than her own - or agile fingers twirling a quill, curled around a wine glass. Jane has apparently been thinking about his hands more than she had previously acknowledged.

She’s certainly paying attention now, as Guildford tilts her head to the side, cradling one side of her head in his deep palm while the other goes to work on her levator scapulae. She whines a little as he hits a particularly tender spot with his knuckles, switching instead to long broad strokes with the side of his hand, rubbing marvelous little circles right behind her ears. Jane feels some of her earlier headache start to ebb away as he tilts her head the opposite direction and repeats the motions.

Seemingly satisfied with her newly returned range of motion, he gently guides her head back to center, shifting his fingers upwards towards the base of her skull where the knot from earlier still existed - only to be thwarted by her hair. 

“Can I take this out?”

“Mmhmm. ” 

Jane has within her possession a quite extensive vocabulary - she’s a voracious reader, and a not-inexperienced conversationalist. Her mental lexicon stretches across seven fluent languages. But somehow a few small touches from Guildford’s skilled hands have reduced her to practically a single syllable.   

She now discovers yet another one of Guildford’s skills, as he manages to free her hair from its braid in short order with barely a snag. He sets aside the pink ribbon that held it back and she’s oddly touched by the care he shows for it. But that is nothing compared to the feel of his fingers sliding into her hair, shaking it loose from its earlier tension. Every nerve in her scalp lights up at the soft scrape of blunt fingers, the shifting of her curls back into their natural wild state. He runs his hands through her hair a few more times to make sure every strand is freed before pressing his fingers upward against the base of her skull. He holds them in place, digging into the strain there for what feels like many minutes but is barely more than a few breaths, before releasing. Jane lets out another embarrassing noise at the exquisite release of tension, glad she doesn’t have to look Guildford in the face for this. 

However awkward the sounds she’s making are, it doesn’t stop him from repeating the motion, gradually getting less and less response from her each time as the strain finally yields beneath his fingers. Jane feels half drunk on it by the time his fingers glide up to circle at her temples, freeing her from the last of her earlier headache. Even her earlier annoyance at him as the original cause of her cephalgia evaporates with the soothing press of his fingertips.

Jane is nearly at risk of tipping forward by the time he finally withdraws his hands. Figuring that was the end of whatever this was, she tried to pull herself mentally back together to face another round of research. But instead she feels his hands return again to her upper back. This time the work of his thumbs and knuckles dips a little below the edge of her dress.

“This would be a lot easier without all this boning in the way,” he murmurs against the curtain of her newly freed hair.

Part of her wants to declare that much in her life would be easier without restrictive bodices, but again all she manages is another “mhm”. Until she realizes what he’s implying.

“You want me to…?”

“Only if you want,” he interrupts, gently and a little hoarsely. And then a bit more teasingly, “I mean, I’ve already seen you in your shift. And if I remember correctly you’ve also seen me in far less.”

She blushes at the memory of just how much less he had been wearing at the time, thankful once again that he can’t see her face right now. But she can also hear the slight challenge in his voice, and she’s never been one to back down.

Her mind is still swimming a bit with the sensation of his fingers against her scalp, but she manages just enough coordination to tug at the laces tucked within the fore panel of her bodice. It takes a few moments to actually loosen them enough for their purposes, but then she’s pushing herself off the bed on shaking legs and slipping off her overdress and skirts. They pool at her feet with a heavy thud as she turns back to finally look at Guildford.

She expects to see one of his increasingly familiar expressions: either the standard rakish grin, or perhaps the oft-worn look of impatience with her - she is, after all, interrupting their research with the unfortunate consequences of her bad posture. What she doesn’t expect to turn and see are his eyes grown wide, mouth slightly parted in surprise. Jane quickly looks down to make sure she hasn’t accidentally removed her shift as well. But no, everything seems in place. She’s actually far more covered up than she had been on their wedding night.

Guildford schools his expression into some semblance of normality and clears his throat, “I only meant to ask you to loosen your bodice a little…”

Jane feels her face heating. Of course he hadn’t meant her to just strip off her dress in front of him like this. But he might have also said something earlier, before her dress was already on the floor. If she has to be embarrassed then so does he. 

“Well I’m not putting it back on now,” she declares. “It’s past three anyway.”

She sits back on the bed with her back facing him, half daring him to continue as planned, and half hiding her own mortification.

“...this might be easier if you lie down,” his voice comes out huskier than normal from behind the curtain of her hair.

“Alright.”

Jane should feel embarrassed at how compliant she’s become after nothing more than a little rubbing of her scalp and neck, but she’s never faced anyone quite so adept at it. Her mother used to occasionally brush her tangled hair for her - an experience neither of them would ever want to repeat. Susannah was much gentler with it, and occasionally she’d rub circles into her back whenever Jane took ill. But none of it compares to the strong hands and clever fingers currently scraping weeks of tension from her upper body, leaving her head floating with the sensation of it. It seemed her nerves were so used to stress she could barely think without it. 

So she moves without really thinking about it to help Guildford clear enough space for her to lie down next to him. She does note that he’s much more careful with the rest of her notes now, and tucks that thought away for when can do more than think “huh ” about it.

Jane stretches out across the newly cleared bedspread and sighs a little at the feeling of her spine uncurling just a fraction. She can feel the obvious difference between her head and neck, now relaxed in the cradle of her arms, and everything still coiled with tension below. 

Guildford sits at her side, his hip pressed into the space just below her ribs, and she feels his hands sweep down her back, probing for knots and areas of tightness. She should probably just tell him her whole back is one giant knot, but she’s distracted by the teasing sensation of the lighter touches through the thin barrier of her shift. Even though her back still hurts, his touches feel nice in the same way his fingers in her hair did, and she’s surprised at the way her nerves light up all the way down to her front. She can feel her nipples tightening where they’re pressed against the bed, assuring herself it’s only an automatic reaction to the contrast between the heat of his hands and the apparent coolness of her exposed skin.

An actual moan escapes her lips at the first deep press of his hands right above her shoulder blades, forcing the air from her lungs with a sound that comes out much more pleased than she intended. She hears what might be a scoff or a grunt from the man above her, but she’s having trouble finding it in herself to be embarrassed when the pressure of his weight against her stiff muscles, his warm hands molded to the skin of her back, feels this good. Still, she tries to hold the excess noises back as he works his way down her spine, feeling each vertebra tense and uncoil with the movement of his hands. 

And then the work of unknotting her muscles begins, his fingers working as a fine toothed comb seeking out every tangle and working it loose. She cries out as his fingers dig below her shoulder blades, scooping away the sore muscles and setting them back in place raw but relaxed.

“Where did you even learn how to do this?” She mumbles into her arms, head feeling too heavy to turn more towards him.

A soft chuckle in response. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.”

His hands slip below her linen shift to glide along her ribs, pressing forward along her sides and nearly to her front. Her nipples are definitely responding now, both at the sensation and as she catches the meaning of his words. Surely he doesn’t intend this as some kind of seduction? 

But Guildford had made it perfectly clear he had no interest in holding her to any ‘marital obligations’, that he was only interested in her mind and not her body. And he had said himself that he was only doing this so they could actually get some work done. A traitorous part of her mind suggests that if he were trying to seduce her, he was doing an admirable job of it. She’s glad her arms and hair hide her blush from Guildford’s eyes.

In the privacy of her own thoughts she allows herself to imagine what would happen if Guildford were trying to seduce her. Where might he touch her next? The Guildford of reality had worked his way down to her lower back and was gently kneading the area around her spine through her shift. Perhaps he would convince her a massage there would be more effective without this barrier between them, ask her to remove her shift as he had her dress, leaving her fully naked beneath him? She determinedly ignores the fact he hadn’t actually asked her to remove her dress, and that nothing more than a few small touches had apparently turned her into some kind of brazen hussy. 

Though what would he do if she removed her shift now on her own? She had thought she might have seen something in his expression earlier when she had removed her dress, a darkness to his eyes that showed interest rather than mere surprise. But perhaps it was just wishful thinking, brought on by the strange arousal his touch was causing. Aside from perhaps a little excess of time spent combing out her hair, and the slightly indecorous touches below her shift, Guildford had been almost clinical in his technique thus far. But as Jane had so little experience with any kind of touch, everything took on a more sensual aspect to her long dormant nerves. To Guildford, however, this was probably just another Tuesday evening. 

The thought of it cools her imagination a little, and she tries to return herself to reality. Only to find that Guildford has made his way down to the base of her spine, pressing deep into the tissue just above the swell of her ass. She can feel herself tensing back up - both at the sensation and the location of his touch. 

And suddenly Guildford is no longer at her side.

But he’s merely shifting to straddle her thighs, not putting any of any real weight onto her, but she can feel his leather-clad knees press to her outer thighs. 

“This part might hurt a little,” he breathes out from above her.

And then a firm knuckle is digging in the nerve center of her right gluteal muscle, and she nearly cries out at the sharp sensation of it. But how ever much she tenses and twitches against the pressure he holds steady until her body starts to relax into it. It’s finally starting to feel nice and then he’s finding another nerve point and digging in.

He swats lightly at her opposite hip. “Stop tensing up.”

“I can’t help it,” she mumbles into her arms.

“Just relax.”

“If I could do that, we wouldn’t be in this position,” she reminds him. 

And accidentally reminds herself of the position they’re in - him practically on top of her with his hands on one of the more intimate parts of her. The sharp edge of pain and pleasurable release of tension all seem to read the same to her torrid mind. She can feel herself growing damp and aching between her thighs as he manhandles this newfound erogenous zone. Jane really hopes there’s no way he can sense this, even as she clenches her thighs more tightly together.

And of course this is a mistake, only enhancing the pressure coiling there. She tries to shift her legs again, attempting to find a position that will keep her from making a mess of her shift but also not add any friction against her overheated core. 

Apparently, Guildford notices the small movements. “Are your legs bothering you as well?”

Yes, she thinks, but not for the reasons he’s probably guessing. Still, she nods her head, hoping the shift down to a less sensitive part of her body will solve both her problems. 

Jane is rarely wrong, but in this case she is very much so. Even though Guildford is now down at her feet, slightly rough hands squeezing at her heels, it’s no easier to ignore the heat that spreads beneath her skin, pooling at her center and spiraling into an exquisite ache. The digging of his thumbs into the arch of one foot has her gasping at the way her nerves light up. She hisses a little as his calloused fingers circle her ankles, the skin there a little too delicate. He returns to her arches.

“Do you have anything to ease the way? Oil or something?” He offers, and she waves an arm vaguely in the direction of the water basin.

She feels the bed shift as he goes to retrieve it, the small bottle filled with her own mixture of oils. The scent of rosehip and rosemary fills the air and she knows he’s found the right one. She mainly uses the oil to soften her skin and repel the bugs that plague her herb garden, but the scent is also supposed to help with stress. Jane hopes it will calm her down a little. 

It doesn’t. The combination of the oils and the scent of warm leather and outside that cling to Guildford hits her full force as he returns to her bed. He once again moves to straddle her legs, and she finds herself strangely wishing he’d press more of his weight down on to her, curious at what it might feel like. But the long, smoothe glide of oiled hands up the back of her calves is distraction enough. She sighs at the relaxing feel of it even as the movement does nothing to soothe the ache between her thighs. Guildford spreads her legs slightly so that he can work at each calf individually, and she can feel an answering pulse of moisture as one of his own legs settles between them. With each slow stroke she can feel herself dripping against her shift, the agonizing tease of her mons pressing into the mattress and nipples tightening against the bedspread below. She wishes she had some excuse to slip a hand beneath her, to press into where she needs it the most. Or better yet, an excuse for Guildford’s own clever hands to press higher…

Jane gasps at the feeling of his slick hands at the back of her knees, working higher with each pass. He’s already turned both her calves to jelly and now he’s attempting to do the same at the base of her hamstrings. Her breathing goes a little unsteady as the hem of her shift is pushed up a mere few inches by the work of his hands, and she notices that Guildford doesn’t sound much better - though he is the one doing all the hard work, and she’s supposed to be relaxing. But a deep press of his hands into the backs of her thighs finally manages to grind her clit into the damp fabric of her shift and she shivers at the barely there pressure. Guildford, unaware of this, just keeps going, pressing higher and higher until his hands are under her shift and halfway up her thighs. Just a few more inches and he’d realize exactly what he was doing to her. She can feel herself rocking back into the pressure of his palms, and then down again against the not enough tease of the fabric below, but he doesn’t complain even though she knows she’s tensing up again and undoing all of his hard work. Each press brings more tension instead of releasing it, muscles wound tight and aching.

All it takes is one more long stroke of heated palms to just below the curve her ass and she’s shuddering against his hands, an unexpected syrupy heat spreading out along her nerves. 

Jane forces herself to still, not entirely sure what’s just happened. She’s not a complete novice - she knows what an orgasm is. But there wasn’t nearly enough stimulation for that to have happened. And this felt different - smaller, though still nice. Her muscles don’t completely relax after, as they would if she had truly climaxed, but they still feel tingly and pleasant. 

Jane realizes that Guildford has stilled too, hands still beneath her shift but no longer moving along the back of her thighs. Neither one of them makes any sort of move as her breathing slowly returns to normal, her body untensing now that Guildford is no longer applying any real pressure to her body. Eventually, his hands slip from beneath her hem.

“I'll get your arms next time,” his voice comes out more evenly than she expects her own might at just this moment.

Jane’s mind gets stuck on the idea of a next time, despite her lingering embarrassment and the regrettable loss of Guildford’s hands on her.

“Your turn now?” She offers, still half-blissed but feeling strangely energized. 

He chokes at the question. “I’m fine, and it’s too near dawn anyway, I should really…”

“We still have nearly an hour, don’t you want to…?” let her return the favor? At least try another cure? 

“Don’t want to cut it too close, we can try again tomorrow.”

And with that he abruptly sets out for the stables, not once looking back at her. Only the scent of rose and leather still lingering in his absence. 

However, the oil sparks her memory of another possible cure. Tomorrow morning they’ll try again. And if she works off a little of the lingering tension herself while he’s away all day, she’s certain he’ll never find out about it.

[epic-sorcerer]

How gay people were actually precived in medival times

Ok so even after years of obsessive research, it sitll took me until recently to finally grasp a medival point of view on homosexuality. I’m assuming I’m not alone in my not understanding of it so I figured I might as well break it down for my fellow Merlin fans.

So basically, there was no consept of heterosexuality and homosexuality. There was only “female attraction” or “male attraction.” If a man possessed the same sexual attraction as a woman would, he would have a female attribute.

For this reason, they were considered “hermaphrodites.”

Unfortunately I’m going to have to keep saying this word, because modern ones jsut don’t make sense here. But please know that it is widely considered a slur among intersex people and originates from a Greek myth where hermaphrodite gets his body murjed with a woman who wants to rape him. So. Don’t call people that, please.

Anyways. Hermaphrodites were considered a medical condition and had to pick a gender to be, as they couldn’t simply exist as a third gender. This of course carried a lot of shame amongst the people who were concidered hermaphrodites. The gender was often chosen based on what sex characteristics were most prominent.

So, assuming the only “female traits” a male has is his homosexuality, they would likely stay as a man unless they really did not want to be. And even then, they would have to do it in secret because any deviation from their strict idea of gender was considered a threat to society. Witch is why hermaphrodites had to live as one male *or* female in the first place

I think this puts in to a lot of perspective on how I write Arthur especially. I originally would write Arthur as feeling very emasculated by being queer from a perspective of toxic masculinity.

But looking at it now, is that not gender dysphoria? Of course he doesn’t want to have female sex characteristics. When I’m a guy, I don’t either!

I’ve done lots of research and sighlent lurking on intersex spaces for a while now just because. But I think now I’ll start using that knolage to my advantage to my writing because it’s more realistic. I think murjing my experience as a queer person and intersex people’s experiences would make the sotry make a whole lot more sense.

I would recommend anyone to simply just follow the #intersex tag. But yk….if you’re not intersex you should probably stay silent unless you have a question or something. They get talked over a lot.

I am thankful that I have a direct tie from my hyoerfixation to intersex because while I have done my own research without it, it’s still difficult to do just about anything if it’s not about Merlin. Perhaps some other people reading this struggle in the same way.

I hoped this helped you guys, here’s my main source that really helped me. And you can ask me questions if you’d like.

[littlemourningstarr]

Effigy

Astarion can't resist riling Wyll up a bit- after all, a warning, for him, is just a challenge.

Kinktober 2024, Day 15: "Blowjobs / Cock Worship"

Read below or on AO3!

Pairing: Astarion x Wyll

Tags: blowjobs, fluff, kinktober, kinktober 2024

The sunlight was dappling along Astarion’s bare back, filling him with a comforting warmth, as it speckled through the large tree he was beneath. He wasn’t sure how he had convinced his little blade to come out and play in the morning sun, but he was ever glad for it. Wyll’s pension for keeping night time activities just that was cute, if the vampire was honest- but he wanted to feel the sun as much as he could, before it was taken from him.

He pressed a kiss to Wyll’s bare stomach, along the ridge of a heavy, old scar. Far too old for a man this young. Wyll was leaning with his back against the thick tree trunk, watching with his hellish eye, somehow able to fill it with softness, as if it wasn’t a mirror of a hellflame.

So many things about this man just didn’t make sense to Astarion. Perhaps the first being why he was so bloody tantalizing to the vampire.

He dragged his mouth lower, until he hit Wyll’s belt. He let his teeth clank against it, a little noise to keep Wyll alert, before his hands were moving up, unbuckling it. Once he had it open he began plucking at the lacing of Wyll’s pants, as the man reached for his hair- still nothing but soft, bedridden curls- and stroked them back from his forehead. “You don’t have to do this,” he offered, “I’d be happy for a thousand years if you came up here and just kissed me.”

Astarion paused, a plethora of emotions welling in him. A relief, that this man expected nothing from him, yes- but also a frustration because gods he was doing this because he wanted to. This desire was his and his alone, not dictated by his master or anyone else.

“Wyll,” he said, not lifting his head but his eyes, staring up at the too handsome man that was looking at him far too kindly. “If you don’t want me-”

“I didn’t say that,” the warlock was quick to interject, a bit of heat, color rising up on his cheeks. It made Astarion smirk, show off the tips of his fangs.

“Then sit back,” he said, fingers getting his pants open, “and just let me,” he slipped a hand in, very carefully freeing Wyll’s cock from his clothing, “suck your cock.”

Wyll bit his lip- an action that Astarion could only catalog as cute- and oh he hated how it made his belly fluttery and warm- as the vampire turned, placed a kiss along his shaft. Wyll’s skin was warm, warmer then it had to have been, before Mizora took her pound of humanity from him, for sparing Karlach.

Astarion had mixed feelings on that, now. After all, he was quite fond of the tiefling, and frankly, he found Wyll’s devilish attributes nothing but loin stirring-

But there was still an anger, in him, about this man being selfless. Again. Always again.

Astarion pressed a kiss down by the base, allowing Wyll’s cock to brush his cheek. The man was still beneath him, not bucking his hips, simply still playing with Astarion’s curls. Astarion mouthed his way back up his shaft, opened his mouth, took just his head in- and let the points of his fangs just brush his shaft beneath it.

Wyll gasped, his hips giving the faintest buck, a twitch really- but it was enough for Astarion. He pulled off, leveled a glare up at Wyll.

“Bloody hells Wyll if you’re going to enjoy this then bloody well enjoy it.” Wyll looked slightly alarmed at the outburst, and Astarion huffed. “I’m not interested in worshiping a statue with my mouth. If that was the case I’d just head into the city limits and make a spectacle of myself with any one of the damn godly effigies.”

There was a faint twitch to Wyll’s schooled face, and Astarion beamed over it.

“Oh? Not a fan of that idea?” He bowed his head again, placed a rather tender kiss to Wyll’s cockhead. “Don’t like the idea of me being the divine, lavish whore for the city to see?”

“Astarion.” His name was a warning, but Astarion’s problem was, as always, that he took a warning as a challenge.

And he really liked to pull reactions from the stoic blade.

“Which god do you think would be the most fun? Tyr seems too… old for my liking. Although I suppose he would call me a good boy for my efforts.”

“Astarion.” His name again, firmer now.

“There is Mystra- her cunt must taste like pure magic, untouched Weave. Best not tell Gale if I’m dallying with his former lover.” Wyll was frowning, but there was something in his eye, the hellfire burning brighter. It made Astarion’s stomach tight.

And he didn’t miss the fact that the man’s cock was leaking now, even harder than when he’d freed him minutes ago.

“Perhaps Helm-”

“Astarion!” The vampire paused, glanced up, and Wyll reached for him, grasped his chin roughly and pulled him up, until his mouth was melting beneath his little hero’s. Astarion gave a breathy little whimper as Wyll pushed his tongue into his mouth, stole any words he had been forming about how he could lavish his affections on a statue of the watcher himself.

When Wyll finally released his mouth, it was only so he could breathe- and Astarion took full advantage of the fact that he didn’t need to. He wrapped a hand around Wyll’s cock, stroking him slowly. “Don’t fret, pet. The divine have nothing on you. However,” Astarion leaned in, pecked Wyll’s lips- far more affectionately than he had meant- “it would be nice if you would let yourself enjoy this.”

Wyll swallowed, and after a moment gave a single, small nod.

“Good.” Astarion lowered himself back down, still stroking Wyll slowly, and moved to grasp at his base, stroke only there so he could pepper kisses along his cockhead. This time Wyll gave a little groan, and Astarion heard the sound of his horns hitting the tree, as his head leaned back.

Better.

He opened his mouth, took in Wyll’s cockhead again, swirling his tongue around it. Wyll got his fingers back in his hair, but his hips did lift this time, trying to dive further into Astarion’s mouth. The vampire grasped at his thighs, squeezing, keeping him down as he suckled softly, mouth filling with the salty taste of Wyll’s precum.

Wyll’s other hands reached down for his curls, both working them back from his forehead, as if he wanted to hold the vampire’s hair back. It was affectionate, and despite himself Astarion felt his chest going tight. He couldn’t chastise Wyll for this bit of tenderness- not when it made him feel so pleasantly warm.

He pulled back slightly, ran his tongue down Wyll’s shaft, let his cock rest against his face so he could get the tender underside. Gods he could lay this man out and do nothing but kiss this pretty cock until the sun set.

Astarion mouthed his way back up, flicked his tongue teasingly against the head, before he lifted a hand to wrap around him again, stroking slowly as he took his cockhead back into his mouth for the countless time, now teasing at Wyll’s slit with his tongue, curling the tip just into it. Wyll gasped, shoulders pushing back with force against the tree, baring his chest as he began panting. Astarion dared to lift his other hand from Wyll’s thigh, reach up and grab a handful of muscle and scars, the points of his nails puckering- but not puncturing- skin.

Finally, he eased his mouth lower, taking Wyll’s cock over his tongue, until it was pushing at his throat, forcing his jaws open wide enough that they burned. So few could pull that feeling from his well learned mouth, it made Astarion’s body tight, buzzing with arousal.

Wyll groaned, rocked his hips up, and Astarion let him now, let Wyll thrust into his mouth, over his wriggling tongue. He could feel each throb of his cock, as the warlock’s fingers danced through his hair, a dichotomy of the tender touch and yet what could have been a bruising force as Wyll took more, and more, and more.

It was Astarion’s name, sweet as honeyed wine, that fell from his lips when he found release, found nirvana in the space of Astarion’s mouth. The vampire took him as deep as he could, let his cum flood against his throat, let Wyll feel him swallowing it down, as the man pulled his head closer with his hold on his hair, yet not a single spark of pain shot through Astarion at the touch.

Even when taking, Wyll could be gentle.

Astarion stayed with Wyll’s cock in his mouth, a pleasing weight atop his tongue, as his lover caught his breath. When Astarion finally lifted his head, Wyll’s hands moved from his hair, slipped beneath his arms and hoisted him up into his lap. Astarion fell against him, hands pressed flat to the man’s firm chest, looking at him with eyes that were a bit too wide, a bit too adoring.

He couldn’t help it. He’d once said Wyll was the type of man he’d dreamed of marrying when he was just a boy- he hadn’t lied. Even now, he couldn’t help but be in awe of him, despite all of his provoking bravado.

Wyll let one hand splay on Astarion’s back, directly over his scars, rough palm and fingertips warming it. His other tipped Astarion’s chin up slightly, so he could kiss him, slow and sweet. Astarion melted into it, couldn’t find a single fiber of his being that wanted to object. Despite his goading, deep in his gut, in the hidden bits of his terrified soul, he lived for Wyll’s sweetness.

[indiaalphawhiskey]

i was just wondering do you think there really is a chance that harry might be less popular when he comes back (whenever that will be) and not be at his career peak anymore? i find it really hard to imagine him not playing stadiums/ being extremely popular etc anymore tbh for me it obvs won‘t make any difference i will always love him just the same (and wouldnt mind annyoing tiktok stans and fans who only like him bc hes „trendy“ to leave lol) i just wanted your thoughts on that :)

Okay, so I’m not a music industry buff. What I know, and what I’m about to say is based entirely on my general knowledge of pop culture (that’s heavily influenced by American pop culture, btw) so if I make any leaps, or if there’s an alternative view from a non-America-centric perspective, please forgive me.

But, for all intents and purposes, if you look at Harry’s profile as an artist and compare it to other artists of a similar profile (super popular boyband member + teen heartthrob turned solo pop star), historically you don’t really have many examples of successful solo careers, and even less of career longevity.

If you compare it to The Beatles, for example, they weren’t a traditional boyband (and arguably, neither was One Direction after TMH, but still), and if I’m not mistaken, though John Lennon and Paul McCartney both went solo, (and Paul obviously has the longevity down), their individual work still wasn’t comparable in popularity to their work while they were in The Beatles.

More modern examples, like George Michael, Robbie Williams, and Justin Timberlake, have a similar story in that while they were all able to launch solo careers, they all had a relatively short shelf life because pop music (and their fan bases) are very synonymous with youth, and they all eventually “aged out” of that marketing bracket.

So, really, the only example I can think of, of someone who was more popular solo than he ever was in a band and still managed to hold such a wide and devoted fanbase over multiple career eras, is Michael Jackson. And that’s like, music legend level.

I think Harry has already currently surprised people on many counts by being able to equal and arguably surpass his success and popularity in One Direction as a solo artist, especially without having to drastically rebrand or pivot his genre of music. He’s managed not only to hold on to what people thought was a very age-specific fanbase, but also broaden it massively. That’s beyond rare in pop music, and if you add that to the fact that a lot of people still attribute a big part of his success to his looks, the music industry is expecting him to age out soon, and therefore, for the steep decline in his popularity to start. That’s why people think it’s crazy that he’s taking a break because the industry is constantly pumping out new young artists and so, there’s always going to be a ticking clock.

Personally, I think Harry is a once in a generation performer, and has everything it takes to get to that legend level. But it’s something that is so rare and impossible to predict or orchestrate because so many factors have to go into making that happen, and the pressure of setting that as the ultimate goal of creating music could very, very easily break a person. I think he’s much more content to take a break, cultivate his connection to music, and just let those dice fall where they may.

[zsakuva]

saku! i have two questions:)

i’m p sure mentioned your favorite book was lotr, but do you have any other recommendations? oh or maybe an anime/manga you really like? anything is fine hehe

my second one is, what inspires you to write? i’m sure it’s something you’ve been doing for a long time, but in general, it seems like whether it’s through your videos or your degree, you’re always trying to tell some sort of story? it’s amazing to me how you treat your characters as real people, if that makes sense? it’s almost like you’ve met them and they’re not just words on paper. i know a couple of artists treat their characters/work as such, but i’ve never really seen it like i have with you. i’m just a bit curious about what exactly makes you tick? please ignore this ask if it’s too personal haha i’m just genuinely interested:)

have a good day with many crumpets, tea, and cat cuddles!!!!

My favourite film trilogy is LotR, but I don't read! I'm in the middle of reading The Fellowship of the Ring, but reading makes me tired so I seldom do it! Unfortunately, that means I can't recommend any books or manga, and I haven't watched anime in a long time either~

Everything inspires me to write! It's a way of escapism for me, and for as long as I can remember, I've loved creating fictional stories. Characters themselves are the vessels in which the story is being told, and they drive everything. There is so much in a life that occurs which defines one's sense of self, and it's ever-changing. I love exploring internal conflicts, the tug-of-war over nature vs nurture, and the long-lasting effects many of us carry.

Almost all of the characters I've made have attributes of someone I know, a fictional person, or myself. It's also through this medium where I can test decisions some people might make in intense situations. A prime example would be Isaac Rhoades, a man traumatised by a past that dictates his every decision until he learns how to loosen the reins--if only by a little. The listener challenges his beliefs while also providing him a way to confront what it means to love, to trust, and to hope.

Another would be Alex (a taboo name for many of you, I know haha). The events of his past fuel his insecurities of the present, and that powers his decisions for the future. A lot of my characters act this way because I believe many of us are the same. His listener is no different. One has dealt with their trauma in one way, the other in another way, and then they clash. Sometimes, it's easy to put the pieces together, but not always. And that's why I like to base actions on character because humans themselves are contradictive, stubborn, and in many cases, illogical.

Then, there are other characters who I use to explore certain themes, such as Niall. His story is heart-breaking yet relatable; I wanted to delve more into his self-perception which was crafted by bullying and homophobia, and how he could possibly shift towards a positive direction.

Audio roleplays are great for my creativity, but they only scratch the surface in terms of how I would normally develop characters and their potential arcs. Novel formats are more my forte, but I do enjoy the platform that I have to fan the flame of angst, fluff, and everything in between!

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

sorry if you've already answered a question like this, but do you plan on watching the last of good omens when it comes out? I've considered just ignoring it based on everything that's going on + the production/script issues it will undoubtedly have. I enjoyed S2 but even that felt off despite the trimmed fat (aka irrelevant children and one cringefail couple) which I attribute to a critical lack of Pratchett. I can't imagine what 90 short minutes of something handled by totally new people will be like on top of knowing how evil gaiman is.

Ehhhhhhhhhhhh, I might bootleg it out of morbid curiosity, I might not. Either way, I’m not going to financially support the show (though, I never really did lol…my only merch is fan-made). I am glad that Gaiman got cut out of the project as much as legally possible, but it’s hard to imagine that the end result won’t suffer from total production hell and 6 scripts getting condensed into 1. I was actually quite excited for s3 before we found out what Gaiman is because I thought s2 was so much fun—not plot-heavy but a primarily character-driven story, which I enjoyed more than the irrelevant children and cringefail couple, as you said, and the pretty poorly written apocalypse. But yeah, finding out what Gaiman is definitely put a damper on that! I very much do a case-by-case basis for whether I can separate the art from the artist, and I mentioned before that I’m still able to engage with gomens at all and finish my fic because I’d actually mentally separated him from the material way back in 2019, because I always disliked him. He was never part of my fandom experience, and you can watch the show and have no idea what he did because the content has nothing to do with his crimes (as opposed to, say, a comedian turning his act into nothing but a right-wing rant; the content is then a reflection of him being an asshole).

But I still feel weird and bad about it, so I don’t know. Like I said, if I check it out, it’ll be bootlegged lol. The next chapter that I post to finish my WIP will definitely be the last gomens I ever write, in any case

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Hihi I don’t know where to find more about this (and frankly want your opinion more lol) so what are the genes like in Rohan? Is it possible there’d be darker browns and almost Numenorean blacks? And red-heads? I mean, could you specify with like percentages lolol and I would sooo love if you include like regional differences omggg

Well, race in Middle Earth is a topic that a lot of ink has already been spilled on, and by people who are much smarter and better qualified to opine than I am. So, up top, I encourage people to seek out those smarter voices.* But I guess I’ll say that my general take is that it is simultaneously true that a) Tolkien trafficked in some harmful race-based tropes and imagery and he used ideas about genetics (the high/middle/low man hierarchy he created) that are gross; but ALSO b) despite what some loud and hateful chuds would have you believe, there’s no real canonical evidence to support the claim that the people in the various communities of Middle Earth were all of one particular race or another. So there could and should be a whole variety of appearances and traits.

As to my personal opinion of Rohan…there are people of all kinds in the world, and so I imagine Rohan to similarly have people of all kinds. I know that’s not as specific an answer as your question posed, but I try to leave my writing open enough (like, I usually go very sparse on character physical descriptions) that a reader can picture people in a bunch of different ways, and if some people see Wídfara (for example) as Black and others as Asian or indigenous American or white or etc., I think that’s all valid and good. The more Wídfaras in the world, the better, as far as I’m concerned.

One of the things I like best about fandom is that we aren’t stuck with any one particular conception of anything. Lots of people have their own ideas about Rohan, and those different Rohans can exist side-by-side in the fanfic and fan art spaces so that we have a wealth of alternatives to like and admire. Some of my fave Rohan fan art has been pieces that imagine the Rohirrim as being of Mongolian heritage or that mix Rohirrim culture from the books with traditional Japanese elements, and I love that those exist alongside the art that hews closer to the Anglo-Saxon/Norse aesthetic that tends to show up most often in visual representations. (I would love to link to some of this art, but the Tumblr search function is not my friend and isn’t allowing me to easily pull it up now. One that I can put my hands on, though, is the work of Leia Ham, which is amazing and imagines Rohan (and other parts of Middle Earth) in an ancient Chinese context.)

So I guess what I’m saying is that I think anything is possible, and that’s a good thing.

*Mallorn, the journal of the Tolkien Society, has actually done a good job of giving space to those voices in the last few years, a positive development I attribute to the good influence of its editor Luke Shelton, who is to all appearances a Good Dude.

[adancingpony]

Get to know your author. Thanks to the tag from @hederigerenthag

1. How many works on AO3?

My total number of works is 130, which includes several compilations of drabbles, each compilation counting as one work. 

2. Total AO3 word count?

According to AO3, my word total count is 304,703 which surprises me. If I’d guessed without looking, I would have guessed half that total. I must not be a very good mathematician. 

3. Top five fics by kudos?

I’m going to list individual fics, not drabble compilations, since I add to the compilations for months, and any individual “ficlet” probably only received a few kudos.

These are all fics in the MFU (television series) fandom, although I have added some of my older, non MFU stories to AO3.

Coma A very short, angsty Napoleon/Illya preslash story

A Desirable Strategy  A Napoleon/Illya preslash story

Go To The Head Of The Class  My first posted MFU fic, so a lot of the kudos can be attributed to “welcome to the fandom”

Second Chances  Another Napoleon/Illya preslash (to nongraphic slash) story

Adrift  An angsty story that can be read as either Gen or slash

4. What fandoms do you write for?

A long, long time ago, I used to write for Scarecrow and Mrs King, an American spy television show from the 1980s. For a couple of years, also a long time ago, I wrote a little for the Harry Potter (book) fandom. During the past few years, I’ve been writing exclusively for The Man from U.N.C.L.E. television series. 

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes. I love getting comments and I always try to respond. 

6. Fic with the angstiest ending?

I prefer happy endings, but I did leave an angsty ending once. 

Cliffhanger, an MFU fic.

7. Fic with the happiest ending?

Hmm. I’m not sure how to define “happiest ending.” As long as there’s no major character death or permanent impairment, and my main characters are still together (which can be gen or slash or het, depending on the fandom and story) I consider it happy. I don’t write sad endings, and most of my endings tend toward humorous, so I can’t think of one that couldn’t be classified as “happy” other that Cliffhanger, mentioned above as angsty. How’s that for a nonanswer?

8. Do you get hate?

Back when I was writing for Scarecrow and Mrs King, there was a subset of the fandom who tended to be vocally disparaging toward writers who didn’t write Lee and Amanda (the main characters) exactly how they preferred Lee and Amanda be written, and I was one of the recipients of their snitty barbs. Luckily for me, that group was a very small minority of the fandom. 

In the MFU fandom, I think most remaining fans are grateful to see stories still being written for a television show that went off the air in the 1960s, so they’re very positive toward writers. I’ve gotten a little bit of hate, but all of it has come from names I don’t recognize and can’t identify as actual fans; some of it may even be AI. I try to ignore it.

9. Do you write smut?

It depends on your definition of “smut.” There are people who consider even the mildest curse word or the smallest hint of a M/M relationship to be smutty, and I’m not one of them. However, I don’t write graphic sex. I sometimes enjoy reading it, but writing it isn’t part of my skill set. 

10. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I’ve participated in several “round robin” fics but not any fics that were co-written out of the public eye. 

11. All time favorite ship?

If you’d asked me twenty-five years ago, I would have said Lee and Amanda from SMK, because that’s what I was into at the time. If you ask me now, I’d say Napoleon and Illya from MFU, because that’s what I’m into now. However, I can’t really place one pair above the other as an all-time favorite because they’re from different places in my life. 

12. WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ugh. A long time ago, when I was dabbling in Harry Potter fic, I was posting to a site called The Sugar Quill, which was a heavily moderated and strictly canon based site & story archive. The Sugar Quill shut down suddenly while I was in the middle of writing/posting a long fic, and I never finished the story. I still feel bad for not finishing it but, honestly, there’s not a place for that type of story in the fandom anymore. 

13. Writing strengths?

I’ve been told I’m good at writing banter. 

14. Writing weaknesses?

Where to start … Probably my worst weakness as a writer is that it’s my nature to be “business writer concise,” which isn’t a great style for writing fiction. I’m okay at writing 100 word drabbles and short scenes, but I struggle to expand ideas into longer fics. I also tend to obsess over small things (like, “what is the exact right word to use here?”) instead of moving on toward the finished product. 

It’s a good thing I never tried to make a living by writing fiction. I would have been homeless. 

I’d love to pass this forward by tagging someone else but, despite having a tumblr account for months, I don’t know how to do so. Admittedly, I’m antiquated and not very proficient at such things. 

[radfemmovierecs]

Wild Review

Welcome back! Happy December 1st! For my second review, I’ve chosen the film Wild. It’s based on a memoir of the same name, written by Cheryl Strayed. I didn’t know this when I first watched the film, and this was a rare instance where I actually watched a movie adaptation before I read the book it was based on. I think my favorite thing about this being an adaptation though is that Cheryl Strayed actually did walk off into the wilderness with no training whatsoever and walk the Pacific Crest Trail. She had help along the way, but she walked all those miles alone. Women are amazing. Anyway, onto the review. 

Although the source material was written by a woman and the film was not directed by one, I would still say that the film is a faithful adaptation of the book. I thought the way they split the story into two timelines mimicked the way the book wrote the timelines very well; it was easy to follow and it didn’t leave out huge amounts of details. Obviously a book like this, written in first person and primarily recounting one character’s internal thoughts is hard to adapt to the screen without huge amounts of narration (which I’m not personally a huge fan of) but the film did not do this, and I found that the narration they did include did not immediately yank me out of the world of the story, which was nice. 

There wasn’t anything standout about the technical aspects of this film, in a good or bad way, I thought all the camera work, post work, etc, were fine. For the acting though, I do have to give a HUGE shoutout to Reese Witherspoon, because her performance in this film was absolutely phenomenal. As was the rest of the cast (including Laura Dern! That was exciting). One technical aspect that did stand out though, was the music. There is a song used throughout the film, the whole thing finally in the credits, called “El Condor Pasa (If I Could)” sung by Simon and Garfunkel. (I think their version is a cover?) And it’s absolutely the perfect song to encapsulate the way this movie makes me feel. It’s slow, not at all rushed, and it sounds like what I would imagine nature would sound like if it was a song. The lyrics are also very powerful, capturing the journey and emotions of the main character very well, even though they are not necessarily literal. 

And speaking of emotions, the EMOTIONS that this film invokes. If you’re a woman I swear you NEED to watch this movie. It’s simultaneously a film about grief and its stages, and overcoming pain and hardship, which are things everyone can relate to, but there’s something that feels so viscerally female in it. I’m not sure if it’s just because the main character’s a woman, I think it’s a little bit more than that. Women are constantly told throughout our lives that we cannot do things, or people will scoff and say “good luck” whenever we express any desire to do something that may be difficult, especially physically. In a lot of media, when women decide to do these things anyway, they take on a very spiteful attitude, which can be inspiring and fun to watch, but sometimes it gets a little old. This movie does not do that, the main character decides to do the hard things anyway, because she has to, and she does them for herself, and only for herself, to overcome her struggles. 

Like I mentioned before, this film was not directed by a woman, and it did not have very many women in the main credits at all actually. But despite not having many women involved in the making of this film, including the director, it still manages to feel like one that was. I attribute this to the source material, as the film is based on a memoir written by a woman, as well as the costume designer being a woman. Often I find when watching a film that I can tell if the costume designer was a woman or not based on the designs. A really good example of this is the difference in the costumes of the Amazonian (Amazon?) warriors in the film Wonder Woman vs. the film Justice League. Imagine though, if a film actually had women in most if not all positions when making a film, if it can be as good as this one with only two in prominent roles, how good a movie could be with all of them? One day. 

I’ve described this film as a faithful adaptation of its source material, and I stand by that, so maybe this is a nit picky thing, but I’m going to nit pick it anyway; her trail name. I vaguely recall that in the book it was much more comical and in the movie it’s much more…derogatory, for lack of a better word. In the book, it’s only a few lines that all the characters laugh about, as Cheryl recalls the kindness that others have bestowed upon her on her trip. (I’m tempted to call it a quest, because that what it seems like it is). It reminds me of when men cry that when women can claim to have a headache to get out of sex it’s privilege, when in reality women shouldn’t need to claim anything to not have sex with someone they don’t want to have sex with. The post office guy brings Cheryl a cup of coffee & a donut or something, and all the other guys tease her for it, nicknaming her “Queen of the PCT” when he only did that because he thinks she’s pretty (they also literally saw him creeping on her the night before when he said he’d only give her her package if she had a drink with him) and he also thinks she’s helpless. This also slightly differs from the book, as the man in the book who invited Cheryl for a drink is much creepier than the post office guy. It’s also more comical in the book, as she brings all three of the guys to have a drink with the guy (who’s name is Guy in the book funnily enough) since he’s so creepy. I digress, but being helped because a man thinks you’re pretty and helpless is not the gotcha these guys think it is. Makes it clearer this film was directed by a man, at least to me. 

The final point I noticed had strong themes related to radical feminism is the way nudity and sex are shown. Funnily enough, even the libfems that I know have spoken about how they dislike the amount of gratuitous female nudity in film and the way it is portrayed, and there have been numerous stories about how uncomfortable it’s made the actresses in said movies. The most notable examples I can think of in modern media are Game of Thrones and Euphoria. The way nudity and sex are portrayed in this film also makes it clearer to me that this film was directed by a man. I wouldn’t necessarily say it was inaccurate to the way it was written about in the book, but I almost always find that even if a film as nudity with women, it doesn’t have the same nudity with men. Nudity is also not equal between the sexes, since men can just be shirtless. One thing I will say about the nudity in this film though, is that it’s not all sexual. There are definitely some explicit sex scenes, but there is also a scene of the main character nude after showering in a completely unsexual way. The difference in the way the sex scenes are shot at the beginning of the film, when the main character is actively engaging in self-destructive sexual behavior, and the last sex scene of the film when the she has sex with a man she actually wants to have sex with, and without any infidelity, is noticeable. I have to give the director man credit for that I guess. 

Overall, this is another one of those films that just stuck with me, and from the moment I watched it for the first time after coming up with the idea for this blog, I knew I wanted to include it in the list. I watch this movie whenever I need a little female inspiration. In the credits, there were 5 out of 16 women’s names, and the film is currently available to rent or buy on Amazon, as well as available for purchase on DVD. Thanks for reading!