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kit-walk3r · 2 years ago

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Hi! I love your work! Can I make a Colin request? Maybe one where he’s super shy around reader and everyone in the office has a crush on her. He gets discouraged to ask her out because he’s super nervous around her

Aw thank you 💗 This is such a cute request, I hope I’ve done it justice for you! And also I’m sorry this is so late.

No Use Crying Over Spilt Coffee (Colin Zabel x fem!reader)

Colin has a crush on you. Unfortunately, he’s not so good at making a move.

Warnings: None

Oh, the effect you had on Colin Zabel.

Being one of the younger females at the station, you’d noticed a few looks in your direction. You weren’t stupid, you knew the guys were looking at you and you heard a couple of the comments they’d make. And you’d caught Colin’s gaze in your direction a couple of times, too. However, there was something a little more… innocent about the way Colin looked at you. He was never looking at your chest or at your ass. He just always felt more respectful in the way he looked at you, like he was looking at you as a person as not as a body.

One morning you were walking with your head turned, talking to one of your colleagues at their desk when you bumped into a tall figure. You let out an instinctive gasp at the contact and feeling of a warm liquid on your hands. You looked down to see what looked like coffee spilt over them. Then you looked up to see Colin stood wide eyed who had clearly taken the brunt of the coffee spillage.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” You panicked, looking at the growing brown stain on Colin’s shirt. You instantly grabbed some tissues off the desk next to you and quickly started dabbing it to try and clean it up.

Colin just stood frozen, the feeling of your hands rubbing his chest sending his brain into haywire.

You noticed how your wiping and dabbing was having no effect on cleaning Colin’s shirt and that you were just rubbing the stain in. “I’m just making it worse, aren’t I?” You cringed.

Colin finally came round when he heard you speak. “No, no. It’s fine,” he tried to reassure you with a slight stutter, hoping he wasn’t giving away his nerves too much. He noticed a couple of tiny coffee stains on the bottom of your shirt and his eyes widened in panic. “Shit, it’s on you too,” Colin pointed out.

You looked down at the tiny splatters, barely noticeable. “Colin, they’re fine. You can hardly notice them,” you looked back at him and the stain on his shirt. “I’m more worried about you. Do you have another shirt?”

Colin shook his head, now feeling like an idiot. He looked at the stain himself. Well shit, that was a big one. “I guess I’m just going to be smelling of coffee today,” he winced.

“I’m really sorry,” you apologised again.

“It’s fine,” Colin tried to reassure you.

“Can I at least give you money for another coffee?” You offered.

“It’s fine,” Colin repeated. “It’s just the morning coffee my mom made.”

Colin internally groaned as soon as he spoke. Why did he just basically tell you he lived with his mom? That’s not cool. Way to make a fool of yourself even more, he thought.

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can do?” You insisted. You felt bad and really wanted to do something to make up for this situation.

Colin felt like he needed to get out of this situation before he properly embarrassed himself. However, standing covered in coffee telling you he lived with his mom had already seemed to do its job.

“Seriously, it’s fine,” Colin said yet again. “But I’ve got to go. Bye.”

He quickly took off, leaving you standing in the middle of the station confused whilst your colleague you had previously been talking to laughed from the sidelines.

- - -

“What happened to you?” Mare eyed the large coffee stain on Colin’s shirt as he got into the passenger seat of her car.

Colin cringed. “I bumped into Y/N and managed to spill coffee all over myself.”

Mare couldn’t help but laugh at Colin’s misfortune. “Not the greatest flirting technique.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Colin asked, confused.

“Do you really think I’m an idiot?” Mare arched an eyebrow. “This is the most obvious crush I have ever seen.”

“I don’t have a crush on anyone,” Colin tried to object but Mare quickly cut him off.

“Oh, please. There’s no use trying to deny it. It’s painful to watch,” she said.

Colin groaned. “Is it really that bad?”

“Yes,” Mare said matter of factly. “So, are you gonna ask her out?”

Colin shook his head. “Nope.”

Mare looked at him blankly. “Why not?”

“Well, I don’t exactly have a great track record. My last relationship didn’t exactly end too well,” Colin tried to argue.

Mare let out a groan and rolled her eyes. “Zabel, are you really going to let some bitch who ditched you two weeks before your wedding and probably left you in a shit ton of debt dictate your dating life forever?”

“It just feels a little too soon,” Colin shrugged.

“It’s been two years,” Mare deadpanned.

Colin had no rebuttal for that. Mare was right, he needed to let his failed engagement go. He’d been holding on to those heartbroken feelings for too long. His ex-fiance wasn’t coming back. She’d moved on. Why shouldn’t he?

“Tell me,” Mare turned towards him. “What is it that you’re actually afraid of?”

Colin thought. Honestly, there was a long list. Rejection, embarrassment, awkwardness, eventual heartbreak. The list went on.

“I guess,” Colin said slowly. “I’m scared that I’ll get my heart broken again.”

Mare gave Colin a sympathetic look. “Your ex messed you up pretty good, didn’t she?”

Colin sighed. “I just don’t want things to go that wrong again.”

Mare thought for a moment. “Look, this is probably the most sentimental I’m ever gonna be, but here it goes. You can’t let this stop you from going out there and giving life a go. You might get hurt again, so what? That’s just a part of life and you’ve got to accept it. Yes, things could go real bad with Y/N, but they could also go real good. Are you really going to neglect the opportunity to potentially have something great over a little fear that things won’t go the way you want?”

Colin considered Mare’s advice. Perhaps she was right and it was time for him to make the leap and take risks in his personal life.

“You know, that was pretty good advice,” Colin noted.

Mare nodded. “I know, and I don’t give it often so you should feel lucky.”

- - -

Colin decided that the next day was the day he would finally ask you out.

“Hey, Y/N,” Colin called for you from the doorway to his office.

You turned around with a soft smile. “Colin, hi,” You nodded towards his shirt. “No more coffee stain.” You joked.

Colin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he looked down at his clean shirt to try and determine what you were on about. Then it dawned on him. You were joking about yesterday’s unfortunate coffee incident. “Oh. Yeah. All clean today,” he cringed internally as soon as he said those words. “Anyway, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, sure,” you nodded. “There was actually something I wanted to talk about with you, too. Shall we talk in your office?”

Colin nodded and stepped aside so that you could enter. His heart was starting to pound with nerves and he prayed that his cheeks weren’t blushing red.

You took a seat at the edge of Colin’s desk and watched him. From Colin’s nervous exterior, he’s flushed cheeks and slight stutter you had a slight feeling of what he might have been trying to ask you. He wasn’t exactly subtle, you’d seen the way he looked at you when he thought you weren’t looking and noticed how shy he would get when you spoke to him. You decided to put the poor guy out of his misery.

“Do you fancy going for coffee some time?” You asked innocently.

Colin’s eyes widened at your invitation. “Wait, what?”

“You were trying to ask me out, right?” Colin nodded slowly and you smiled. “Well, there. I’ve done it for you.”

Colin was silent for a moment, attempting to digest the situation. All of the nerves, the panic, the pep talks it had taken for him to ask you out and in the end you turned around and asked him on a date? What a twisted turn of events. Colin was grateful, though. He still didn’t know if he would have been able to get the words out. “Yeah,” he finally said, nodding with a growing smile. “Although coffee might not be such a great idea,” he chuckled, referencing yesterday’s mishap.

You laughed along too.

“Maybe I could take you to dinner?” Colin offered. “A friend of mine owns a restaurant. I’ve not been able to check it out yet but it’s supposed to be great.”

“Dinner sounds good,” you nodded with a smile mirroring Colin’s. “I’m free Saturday.”

“Saturday works,” Colin agreed. All his nerves had washed away and he was instead left with a giddy sense of excitement. “If you give me your address I can pick you up around seven thirty?”

You nodded and grabbed a notepad off Colin’s desk. You wrote down your address in neat handwriting (adding a little heart at the end) before ripping the piece of paper off and handing it over to Colin. “Seven thirty on Saturday.” You confirmed.

You headed out of his office to go back to work but paused in the doorway. You turned back and sent Colin a flirtatious smile that you knew would have an effect on him. “Bye, Colin.” And with that you were gone.

Colin’s cheeks returned to the usual deep red they were whenever he spoke to you at the flirty tone of your voice. He still couldn’t believe it. He was finally going on a date with you.

Once he was sure you were gone he quickly pulled out his phone and found Mare’s contact before sending her an excited message.

MARE YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT

•—————————————————————————•

Hope you liked this! Colin's a fun one to write and it's nice to write something happy for once. Thanks for the request!

Taglist: @jellyluvr @howtobesasha @dewberryobssesed @rwottvn @kaismanwich @violetharmonstwin @ifeeltoofuckingmuch @mariefics @spill-the-t @hyperharlz

Want to join my taglist? Just reply here!

#Colin zabel #evan peters #mare of easttown #colin zabel x reader #Colin zabel x y/n #Colin zabel x you

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devastatinglygreen · 10 months ago

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*types this like I’m writing a letter in the trenches*

It’s been a few weeks now and I thought the fandom would reach more of an equilibrium on opinion about S3 but the war rages on.

Seriously though I’m wondering how much of this is from unmet expectations, other fans telling polin fans they shouldnt be happy, or the discourse surrounding a different ship that is now intent on seeing S3 (and beyond) fail. Honestly and truly I just cannot take some of these criticisms seriously because i had to live through two seasons of *that storyline* for Polin which did nothing for their individual characters or relationship i said what i said. That storyline alone is why I'm fine CVD didn't get his hands on Polin.

Well thankfully we have 2 years to discuss this! (😶) Do you have any particular hopes on the next lead for S4? Do you find them pushing the starting date back again worrying?

bro. brosephine. oh my god. it's unreal, right?

people telling me i shouldn't be happy? i got a polin season which is all i've ever wanted, if i wanted to nitpick it to death, i would. i don't! let me live! critique it all you want but people not agreeing with you doesn't mean they're wrong, it means they have another perspective. idc idc, they were kissing and loving and got married like?? i'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that it happened? like it legit happened onscreen and i got to see it? that can be enough for me sometimes, okay, so let a bitch live. i know people had years of expectations but your unmet expectations aren't my problem, ha.

oh my. not all *insert ship name* but somehow always a *insert ship name* am i right?

*that storyline* JUMPSCARE. it was such a bad plot device too? just say you didn't know what to do with colin for 2 seasons because we already know. it served no purpose other than keeping both of them stagnant. which serves no one.

ohhhhh season 4 and 2 years to build it up in our heads. hmm. pls god if it's ben let that man do something besides explore his dick, i am begging. my husband ended up interested in polin's story based on s2 because he loves penelope (and kate and eloise--tho eloise is still on thin ice with him i guess) and colin but s3 made him so not interested in ben so i feel like they're going to have to bring in a lot of solid plot ground or market some good subplots to pick up the interest of the general public more than they have because right now i don't see any real chatter about being interested in ben's story. eloise, yes.

not too worried about them pushing the start date back, there could be plenty of reasons for that but i do think 2 years is too long to film and edit an 8 ep season so they need to figure that part out because sustainable interest isn't infinite on shows like this.

#asks #anon #polin #bridgerton speculation

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penelopecolinbridgerton · 10 months ago

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Creepy ass people.

The pap photos have been unfortunate in that the timing made the crazies crazier. Objectively, it was bad timing to publicly launch a relationship when it happened. However who the hell can blame him when he must have wanted to do everything he could to protect his girlfriend. She was getting attacked online. Her mom was out of line with the likes but that’s nothing to do with Luke or the girl. It’s none of our business what they do in their personal lives.

FWIW Nicola has expressed so many times that she’s the affectionate, touchy sort. So has Luke Newton to a degree.

Luke Thompson literally stayed embracing Nicola at the same premiere while talking to her and there’s no fuss about it! Jess and Claudia held hands/grabbed knees in interviews and I saw no shipping! Newton looks at Claudia just as intently in interviews. Where are those fan edits? Nicola straight up asked Thompson if he sleeps in the nude while on camera! They’re a bunch of cheeky coworkers who have genuine affection for each other.

AND if there had been something between them, they wouldn’t have put it out there like that on the tour. Nicola is very private about her romantic life. She’s full of love and gratitude for those around her and it shows. With everyone.

I wish people would stop dragging her into this as well because I’m sure it’s not pleasant to be associated or beloved by the trolls of her friend and his girlfriend.

We could all be having fun dissecting the show and the answers the actors gave to questions which we may disagree with due to our own perspective on the material.

But no.

They’re crying because the foundation of their cult has crumbled.

How did we even get here? Good lord.

This behaviour isn't new. His ex gf went through the same thing. I saw Someone say that Nicola had responded when they were bullying his ex, she said for them to stop. The fan edits are creepy as fuck, there is even fanfiction now. PREGNANT NICOLA FANFICTION. I found the fanfiction on Ao3. They used the Colin/pen relationship tag, so i couldn't avoid them. His GF attended the part 1 afterparty back in May. There is a clip of Nicola hugging his GF. You can find the clip on TikTok. So it's not really their first public outing together, he was liking her posts during the PR as well. He also went to an event either today or yesterday with her.

I have already seen the Luke Thompson clips, and I saw dating comments. I am sure he is dating someone as well, allegedly Harriet Cains. Jess and Claudia held hands yes, I am surprised there are no dating rumours for them and even if there were, Jess is in a relationship. I am also sure Luke said he has anxiety and I am sure Nicola helps him, so that's why he holds her hand. But they do have a beautiful friendship which I hope lasts. You can love someone without having romantic feelings. The only comment I saw her mum like seemed more like a negative one towards her daughter. Apparently, some people get offended if you ask for proof of the bullying.

That is exactly what they are. A cult.

#lukola #luke newton #anon ask #anonymous

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bohemian-nights · 1 year ago

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So bridgerton really skipped Eloise, Benedict and Francesca for Cunt hungry Colin and man pleaser Penelope. They both give me nothing but people who think they have it bad but literally live in luxury. Literally over the whole Bridgerton series after queen charlotte I don’t care anymore

Eh, Bridgerton is on a probation period for me. And I’ll say that even though I don’t particularly like either Colin or Penelope, at this point, I don’t care that they skipped over Benedict’s story for them.

(I have a theory of why they did this and if my theory is correct I’m happy as a clam).

And if we are going by book order Polin’s season should come before Eloise(who is book #5 and it doesn’t matter but I personally am uninterested in her character) and Francesca’s (love her/her book is my second favorite and I am excited to see her and Michael, but her book is #6).

Now the real reason why Bridgerton is on probation for me isn’t Benophie being skipped, it’s the issue of Sophie’s casting and how everytime you mention her (possibly) being Black, people start crying.

I’ll be honest and say if Shonda pulls another stunt and doesn’t finally cast a Black girl for Sophie Beckett my Black ass ain’t watching this shit anymore.

I don’t want to hear any it’s “bad representation” especially not from a bunch of non-Black women. Sophie isn’t a slave(she literally says she could’ve left anytime she wanted to which is something that slaves never could) and more importantly, she gets a happy ending.

And yes I know about Gregory’s book and no I don’t want to wait another five to six years for that child’s boring season(I give Polin crap, but their book is actually better than that dry mess) where he is spending half of it pinning after another girl. It’s a very strong possibility his season never happens or if it does happen it combines with Hyacinth which is unacceptable if that’s our only representation on this show.

Fortunately the rumors are that a casting call went out for a Black female lead for season 4 and people speculate Masali Baduza (who is stunning and talented) was the one who landed the role.

So I’m remaining cautiously optimistic that one of the these two rumors is true, but if not (as I’ve stated) season 3 will be the last season of this show I watch.

I already have one show(and racist fandom) that acts like Black women are the plague.

Hell, might as well say Black people period because some of these dumbasses have been crying about Michael being (more than likely) Black and saying there are “too many Black people”(it’s giving me HOTD fandom war flashbacks) on the show and it not being “diverse enough.”

Mind you they say all this even though the showrunner is a Black woman(which is why I expect Sophie to be Black cause I would never expect nor demand that from someone else), but instead of being understanding why most of the diversity would and should be Black they want her to mule for them, but I’m not supposed to say that since it hurts their feelings.

This show is plenty diverse, but because Shonda hasn’t completely stopped featuring Black people they are upset.

People want every season to be like season two and that’s fine and dandy, but Black people are under-presented in the media and not only that our representation is absolute shit riddled with stereotypes.

I don’t think Shonda(or I hope not) created this show to further sideline us so a Black Sophie is the hill I’m willing to die on. I’m not watching three seasons back to back to back with a non-Black lead and definitely not five seasons back to back 5x over with a non-Black female lead.

I will not be suffering through another anti-Black fandom whose showrunners prioritize and appease said non-Black racist fandom at the expense of Black people. That’s my grievance with the show.

#bnasks #bnask #bridgerton asks #i’m sorry for my rant #benophie #benedict bridgerton #sophie beckett #bridgerton #benedict bridgerton x sophie beckett #fandom misogynoir

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howaboutcastiel · 2 years ago

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That Good Old Way

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Picking up right where The Robe and Crown left off, Joel has decided to stay with you.

Words: 4100

Content Warning: hurt/comfort, non-sexual touching, wound tending, talking about trauma and trauma responses. Joel is concussed. Religious talk, no smut this time (but stay tuned?)

~~•~~

Joel crumpled the note on the table before throwing it in the fire.

No one needed to read it. Now that things were sorted out, Joel didn’t need to explain himself to anyone. And it was an odd feeling—expecting to die, or to run away at the very least, and seeing nothing change in the end. He felt at peace about it, the same way he had felt at peace about whatever else could have happened when he entered your room. It seemed silly in hindsight, Joel expecting you to take a stab at him, but he had been ready for it.

Now, he didn’t know if he was ready for anything that was coming next.

You were in the shower now, and the rest of the household was finally starting to stir now that the sun was firmly above the horizon. Joel couldn’t be sure that anyone had slept last night at all. He knew that he hadn’t. After all, a member of his raiding party had just been brutally murdered in front of all of you. Colin had bonded with Tommy and the lovebirds over the last few months, and his death was sure to leave a hole. At the very least, it was sure to leave the group in shock for a couple of days.

It was hard to say how they felt about Joel now. They had seen him do plenty of brutal things. Hell, Joel had woken Tommy up from dozens of nightmares just to find that Joel was the big bad monster that was chasing him in his dreams. Joel knew he was scary and, usually, he liked that fact. He wanted to be intimidating—he wanted to run off any potential danger that might come to him or his brother, or the young couple he’d also come to consider his family. Joel was satisfied with the way he instilled fear in those around him. It grounded him. It gave him hope of somehow holding everyone together for just a little while longer. Now that he had killed one of their own, Joel was sure the fear would only expand. It wouldn’t bother him so much, except for the fact that he was scaring you, too.

In just two days, you’d managed to make Joel question everything about himself, mostly because you were so different from everything he was used to. He hadn’t figured out much about you—two days wasn’t enough time for that—but he knew that you were unlike anyone he’d met in his life. Joel also knew that you were scared as hell. Scared of lots of things, some he knew about and some he didn’t. He suspected he had only seen the tip of the iceberg, but Joel knew at least that on the long list of things you feared, he was close to the top.

You told him you weren’t scared of him, but he didn’t believe it for a second. Maybe you weren’t scared for the reasons he thought you should be, but Joel could plainly see that he terrified you. For whatever reason, you were putty in his hands. Desperate to please him, and utterly paralyzed by the mere thought of his disappointment. It wasn’t like the fear was new to Joel, but for some reason, he wanted to make you less afraid.

He hated that you were scared. Joel hadn’t cared about a single person’s feelings but his own in almost four years, and yet he was desperate to make all your fear go away. He didn’t understand it—he’d only just met you. Joel had no reason to give a damn about you at all, and every logical thought in his head only reinforced the idea that he shouldn’t, but Joel couldn’t help himself. If you were upset, then he was upset.

He didn’t know how it had happened, but Joel had found some sort of renewed purpose in protecting you. I’m keeping you safe, and even in helping you heal. Joel found himself wanting you to be happy.

Joel knew he was crazy. He must be crazy, right? This whole thing was crazy, but he didn’t really care. He had some kind of goal in his head that mattered. Something that mattered, for the first time in years. If it meant he’d gone crazy, then so fucking be it, but Joel was going to learn what made you tick. He was going to rid the world of every little thing that had ever hurt you before. He was going to clear the way for you to do whatever you pleased in life.

The sound of the water shutting off drew him out of his head. Joel realized he’d been staring at his mug of coffee for almost ten minutes. He hadn’t so much as blinked, judging by the dryness in his eyes.

Maybe he did have a concussion.

After the fight last night, a quick once-over from Isabelle had alerted Joel to his bruised ribs and his probable head trauma. It was the last thing he was worried about, though. He had just killed a man. A man that, until about a half-hour previous, Joel had considered to be one of his best friends. Now, Joel couldn’t bother to mourn the bastard, nor could he regret cracking his head apart on the kitchen counter. Colin wasn’t a friend, he was a predator. And not the kind of predator that Joel was, not a wild animal desperate to survive. Colin was the kind of man that Joel knew all too well—a man’s man who took whatever he pleased no matter who it hurt, and who had no doubt been shielded from consequence by the other sleazy men in his life. Colin had wanted to take from you.

He hadn’t cared if he hurt you in the process, Colin wanted to have you. Joel couldn’t let that happen, and he didn’t let it happen, and now the bastard was dead. Joel had no room for any emotion but relief. He sure as hell wouldn’t mourn him. Maybe the others would. Maybe not.

If he didn’t concentrate, Joel’s coffee was going to get cold.

He definitely had a concussion.

Joel started to sip from his mug slowly, thankful to be drinking something other than iodized creek water for a change. He always preferred his coffee black anyway, but now it somehow tasted even better. He thought maybe Isabelle was right. It was the little things, wasn’t it?

The bathroom door crept open and Joel turned to face you.

“Could you help me?” Your expression was shy, and Joel nodded before you could even explain what you needed. Your towel was wrapped around your chest. “Isabelle says I need to keep these bandages on unless I want to scar. Well, I had no problem unwrapping them, but…”

“You need me to change ‘em for you,” Joel finished. That would certainly be better than staring at his coffee for the rest of the morning.

You nodded meekly. “Yes, please.”

“You don’t want to wait for Isabelle to wake up? Or Mateo? They got all the medical training and such.”

In response, you brandished a lopsided smile that made his heart jump. You shook your head. “I can’t put my clothes back on until they’re bandaged. But if you don’t want to, I understand.”

He shook his head. “It’s no problem, sweetheart.”

When Joel lowered his mug to the table again, his hands were shaking. He stepped forward into the bathroom and the tension in your shoulders dropped a little. You knelt on the floor in front of him, and Joel’s heart skipped several beats before he realized you wanted him to sit on the toilet seat behind you for better access to your wounds. He sputtered out a quiet breath and settled there, parting his knees to make room for you between them. You rearranged your towel to expose your shoulder blades and keep the rest of you covered.

“They don’t look as bad as I thought,” Joel muttered, mostly to himself. While your back was covered in welts, bruises and thin lines of broken skin, you were in relatively good shape after the beating you’d received. He could recall the sound of the whip against your back—the reverend hadn’t been remotely gentle. It was a good thing the man was old and sickly, then, as even his best attempts at damaging your skin had little lasting effect. Joel grabbed the antibiotic cream from the medical bag on the vanity.

“I know. I'm thankful.” Despite your words, your voice was hollow. Joel’s best guess as to why was that the words were a routine to you, like a mantra. He sure as hell didn’t see much for you to be thankful for around here.

He pressed the antibiotic tube until an inch of gel slid onto his fingers. The feeling of it on his hands brought him back to a place he couldn’t recall. Usually, it was the lovebirds handling injuries like this. You shivered when his fingers grazed your back. Joel worked the ointment into the broken skin, careful not to put too much pressure on any sensitive places. Judging by the black and blue across your back, it was all sensitive. He hadn’t seen your bare skin since the first moments he’d met you and, even then, he had tried not to ogle.

“This something they do to you often?” Joel’s voice rang in his ears when he asked the question, and your spine tugged underneath him as it made you tense up. Heat flooded across his face. He knew he shouldn’t have asked such a prying question, but he couldn’t help himself. Joel backtracked to ease the tension. “It’s just that, some of these marks aren’t fresh ones. And I noticed… how you didn’t fight ‘em at the chapel. Seems it wasn’t your first run-in with it.”

“It wasn’t,” you confirmed with discomfort in your voice. Joel moved to wipe the remnants of the cream from his hands, surveying the bandages in the pack for what would fit you best. “It used to happen a lot more often, you know? Right when I got to their camp. It wasn’t that I liked to rebel or anything, I just had a hard time with directions.”

Joel nodded before realizing you couldn’t see it. He cleared his throat. “I don’t much like followin’ directions. Never put much thought to whether I’m good at it or not.”

His hands returned to your back and the both of you shuddered as Joel took his time exploring your skin with the pads of his fingers. You didn’t lean to or away from the touch, but he noticed tiny bumps appear on your arms in response.

“Seems you’re the one giving orders around here anyway,” you observed. Joel would have cracked a smile normally, or even laughed, but he only felt himself blushing again. His heart was heavy in his chest.

“I just want to make sure we all stay alive.”

Again, you flinched at the defensiveness of his tone. Joel moved a hand to your shoulder, hoping the weight would be reassuring. He pulled a bandage from the pack and broke the wrapper with his teeth.

“I’m better at listening now,” you whispered. He wished he could see the expression on your face. Joel hoped he was misunderstanding your sentiment. “When I can help it, I mean. I can follow directions. Whatever you need.”

“I don’t need a damn thing,” Joel heard himself insist. He tried to lighten his tone. “Except for these lashes to heal up right. Almost done with the bandaging now, sweetheart.”

“Thank you.”

Joel pressed a little too hard against the worst of the welts and you hissed at the contact. He muttered an apology, and you an ‘it’s alright,’ and Joel felt that burning feeling in his throat again.

“I still don’t understand how this was meant to be your fault.”

This, of course, referring to the reason you’d been whipped in the first place. From Joel’s understanding, your husband had been trying to get you pregnant for some amount of time, but to no avail. That’s why you had been at the altar when he and Tommy went to raid your village. You were receiving retribution, Joel remembered him saying. The man had hoped that the beating would somehow change things, so you could give him a child.

“‘Give me children or else I die’,” you droned as an answer. It was Joel’s turn to tense up, and you could feel the way his hands had frozen against your back. “It’s not exactly the way that the story goes, but Rachel said that to Jacob at some point or another. She was infertile.”

Joel didn’t know exactly what he was meant to say. “Who’s Rachel?”

You laughed. Actually, really laughed. Joel’s whole body went hot. “You know, like the one from the Bible? It’s the story about the handmaid.”

“I’m not big on reading,” He managed to choke out. You sighed as he zipped the pack closed.

“Yeah, well, the village didn’t exactly have an abundance of women. There wasn’t a Bilhah for him to go have his way with. All the other girls my age are already bearing children for their husbands.”

He was taken aback by your explanation, but Joel was also just plainly taken aback. You hadn’t spoken more than a sentence or two at a time to him since you’d arrived here. And he had certainly never heard you laugh before.

Joel felt the bile in his throat. “What if it was him that was fallin’ short, though? What if he was the one that should’ve been beaten?”

You turned to look at Joel. He dropped his hands to his lap, giving you space to move. Your smile dropped.

“I know it wasn’t him.”

He could feel that the conversation was at its end then. Joel helped you to your feet and exited the bathroom to let you get dressed in privacy.

~~•~~

For someone who had plans to be a doctor, Isabelle didn’t much like playing nurse. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Mateo and Joel to get better, and not that she minded tending to their wounds and checking their vitals. Iz didn’t know how to play house, exactly. She wasn’t keen on waiting on her husband hand and foot, and certainly didn’t have the patience to stay at Joel’s side and assure he could stay awake while the worst of his concussion symptoms ran their course.

And to be fair, Joel wholly despised being down for the count. He wasn’t allowed to do much of anything, really, but he wasn’t allowed to sleep much either. There was ringing in his ears still, but that didn’t much bother him now. He’d had tinnitus for months after outbreak day, and this was nothing in comparison. Joel knew his reflexes were shot for the time being, as was his balance and memory. It made him feel sick to think that he would have to be dependent on his party for a little while, but he knew if he tried to take charge now he’d only be putting you all in more danger.

Isabelle and Tommy traded a lot of the heavy lifting. Cutting firewood, hunting deer and rabbits, and keeping watch was what they handled the most of. They never ventured more than a few miles, even as the need for more supplies started to grow closer. Every twelve or so hours, Iz would check up on the injured members of the group. Your back was healing up quickly, except for the gash at your shoulder blades that you kept reopening by moving too much. Before long you were picking up your fair share of duties, too.

It wasn’t surprising that you could cut firewood with ease, but that didn’t stop them all from ogling you anyway. You just seemed so meek, even with your strong frame. The mental whiplash of watching you chop log after log with no hesitation was wild for them. Beyond that, though, you mostly stayed inside the house. You helped Matt get around on his busted leg and sat with Joel at odd hours of the day when he would get confused or have a dizzy spell. And, of course, every night you made dinner. The five of you ate at the dining table each evening at dusk.

For three weeks, that’s how things went. You regained your ability to lay on your back, and Mateo quickly found it bearable again to put weight on his leg. Joel wasn’t as quick to recover, though, much to the worry of all of you. He would act like his normal self for hours at a time, then episodes of weakness and disorientation would hit at random.

“I just need a minute,” he argued after nearly falling face first into the lit fireplace. Tommy managed to pull him backwards before he could burn himself, but Joel hadn’t allowed anyone to help him up off the floor. “Don’t want you all coddlin’ me anymore. I can do things myself.”

“You can’t even walk in a straight line,” Mateo scolded.

Isabelle was less accusatory. “Some people take longer than others to heal from concussions. You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep pushing so hard.”

“It’s okay to rest, Joel,” you tried to remind him.

“I’m fine,” Joel insisted.

“You’re not fine,” Tommy countered. He rolled his eyes. “But you are fuckin’ stubborn.”

Joel rested his head against the wall, looking annoyed with himself.

Then Iz put on her physician voice. “You need to eat something soon. Not too sugary or greasy. Don’t do anything strenuous for a few hours, and don’t try to go up or down stairs until the dizziness has passed completely. You understand?”

He made a dissatisfied grunt.

“Joel?” She tried again in what was closer to a mom voice.

Finally, he gave in. “Whatever you say, doc.”

Matt and Isabelle left from there to go tend to the horses. Tommy rolled his eyes again, then nodded at you before finding something else to do. You lingered nearby while Joel stayed in his place on the floor, panting quietly.

You didn’t dare offer him your help. Tommy was right—he was stubborn as hell, and he would only refuse it. If he tried to get up on his own and he stumbled, you’d be there to catch him, but you only waited until then. His eyes kept flicking up to you, and you only half-smiled reassuringly when they lingered.

Finally, it was Joel who broke the silence.

“Never taken this long before to get over a concussion.” His voice was resigned, like he was somehow failing himself and his party. “I didn’t even hit my head that hard. Don’t know why it’s takin’ so long to heal up.”

You hoped a joke might help to ease him. “Maybe you’re just getting old.”

He chuckled, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Yeah, maybe that’s it.”

There was a beat of silence. Joel tried to push himself up, but his backside didn’t make it more than an inch off the ground before he gave up. He brought his hands up to his face with a sigh.

“How old are you anyway?” He raised his eyebrows at the soft timbre of your voice.

Joel swallowed a breath. “Not as old as I probably look.”

“You don’t look old,” you countered. He grimaced when you added, “Just tired.”

“Just tired,” he repeated.

Joel let out another heavy sigh.

“‘M thirty-nine.”

For whatever reason, you seemed discontent with the answer he gave you. He shook his head, rolling onto his knees to hopefully push himself to his feet. It was shaky and slow, but it worked. Joel swayed as he gripped the wall for balance. Stars and black splotches danced in his vision.

You moved to support the weight that he couldn’t, your hand under his arm. When he steadied, Joel looked up to see a shy grin on your face.

You scoffed. “Guess that’s it, then. You’re old and tired.”

“It feels like it,” he laughed breathily.

You helped him into the La-Z-boy. Joel still hadn’t managed to catch his breath and he threw his head back into the recliner like he’d just run a marathon. He nodded at you in place of a ‘thank you.’

When you walked away after patting his shoulder, Joel couldn’t help the way his breath caught and his heart leapt in his chest. “You heading out?”

“I’m not,” you hummed. He let go of his breath. “Just getting you something to eat, like Isabelle said.”

Joel huffed, craning his neck to watch you in the kitchen. “You don’t have to do that. “

You smiled a wry, cheeky smile.

“Yes I do,” you insisted. “Doctor’s orders.”

By now there were fresh herbs and picked fruits stocked in the refrigerator. You’d planted radishes and wild grains in the back lot, and even managed to harvest sap from walnut trees nearby. Nothing too sugary or greasy, you recalled the directions. That didn’t leave many options, but you managed to find a can of chili in the stack of shelf goods that would do the trick. Both you and Joel winced at the sound as you used a spoon to scrape it into a bowl.

Not that you couldn’t make a meal on the fire, or even on the stove, but you were grateful that Tommy had managed to fix the microwave.

You pressed the button and watched it spin. The water filtration system wasn’t the grandest, but none of you had managed to get sick from the tap water yet, so you grabbed a tall glass from the cabinet and pulled some ice from the tray in the freezer. You let the tap run until the stream was clear, then the microwave had beeped that it was done by the time the glass was full.

You folded a fork in a napkin and headed toward Joel.

“Mm, thank you, chef.” His voice was high and soft. Joel tended to be in a better mood after coming down from his disoriented spells, like the drop in energy and strength had taken his anger with it. His eyes were bright and wide as you carefully transferred the bowl to his hands. You balanced the glass of water on the coffee table and took a seat across from him.

“Don’t eat it too fast,” you warned as he dug in. He raised an eyebrow at you, deliberately slowing his hand in dramatic fashion. When you rolled your eyes, his lips stretched around the fork into a smile. “Food’s no good if you choke and die.”

“It’d be a damn good last meal, though.” He swallowed over a bite. One corner of his mouth pulled up to reveal a dimple. “You wouldn’t let me choke to death, would ya? You’d save me. Right, sweetheart?”

You huffed. “I’d try. I don’t know the Heimlich, though, so I couldn’t guarantee you’d make it out.”

“Just punch me in the stomach and we’ll hope for the best.” Joel instructed dismissively. “It’s the thought that counts.”

Both of you laughed, his more absent-headed and yours slightly shocked.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

He took another few bites of his food. You watched as it warmed him from the inside, steadying him and softening him. Joel’s makeshift meal brought him back to himself, clearing his head for him.

“Thank you,” he said after a beat.

You lifted your eyes. “You already thanked me for the food, Joel.”

“For everything,” he shook his head. “Thank you for takin’ care of me. You really don’t have to do it.”

“Of course I do,” you countered.

He frowned. “I mean it. I don’t want you feelin’ obligated to wait on me.”

The two of you stared at each other for a second. You weighed your words carefully to not make them dismissive.

“I don’t feel obligated. I feel motivated.” Your tone was serious, but he let a soft laugh.

Joel scoffed. “That sounds very poetic.”

“I mean it,” you insisted. His grin dropped from his face. “It makes me feel good to do things for you. Not because I have to.”

He took another bite of food, unable to think up a response.

You let the silence drag on before adding a point.

“Unless you don’t like my help? I can let you do it yourself.”

He missed the humor in your tone. Joel shook his head, eyes widening. You almost wanted to laugh at his misunderstanding, but then he muttered and your breath came to a stop.

“I would do the same thing for you in a heartbeat.”

~~•~~

Next Chapter

@frogers @daughterofthequeen @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @rmoonstoner @theaussiedragon @romanarose

#Joel Miller #the last of us #the robe and crown #masterlist #joel Miller x reader #joel tlou #tlou hbo

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sarah-aliterarylife · 2 years ago

Text

An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

Breaking up is hard to do, or so the song goes. I’ve never been very good at letting go of things that no longer make me happy, or things that never made me happy in the first place. I remained in a job that did immense damage to my mental health for 8 years, when I really should have left after 5. I stayed with a man I did not love for over 3 years. I have restricted my diet, and exercised to the point that I injured myself, because I thought that being slimmer would make me happy. As humans, we’re conditioned to stick things out, keep trying, persevere, even if that serves no other purpose than to make us unhappy. The same applies to the books in my life. The amount of times I’ve started a book and found it dull, uninspiring, or just downright awful, but couldn’t bring myself to put it down and read something else instead, amazes me. Why do we do this to ourselves? Are we so afraid of failure, or the sense of disappointment that comes with accepting that something just isn’t for us? Perhaps I commit to things too easily.

Once I’m in, I’m in, and I find it very difficult to remove myself emotionally. No matter how bad a book is or how little I connect to the narrative, a part of me has to see it through to the end. Perhaps I’m subconsciously hoping that it will get better, or that the ending will blow me away. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green is one such example of this. I am aware that the concept of a “bad” book is a very subjective one, and that John Green has millions of fans around the world who probably think that An Abundance of Katherines is a masterpiece. That’s ok, but I am not one of them. I thought it was dreadful. I chose An Abundance of Katherines because I had enjoyed two of John Green’s other novels, The Fault In Our Stars and Paper Towns (more on those in future instalments). It’s a novel that is aimed at a young adult audience. Yes, I hear you ask, why is a woman who is most certainly not a young adult reading books meant for teenagers? What did she expect? The truth is that there are some marvellous young adult novels whose reach extends far beyond their target audience. I think I hoped that this book would be the same. The novel tells the story of a teenage prodigy called Colin Singleton, whom you could say has a “type”. His “type” in this instance is girls named Katherine. Colin has dated 19 of them, to be exact. And every time he dates a girl called Katherine, she breaks up with him. Over 297 pages, Colin and his Judge-Judy loving best friend Hassan take a road trip (minus any Katherines) and attempt to solve The Theorem of Underlying Katherine Predictability – Colin’s words, not mine. They also try to avoid a bloodthirsty feral hog, and avenge everyone who has ever been dumped. Some hijinks involving a dead Austrian archduke and a moral about reinventing oneself ensue. Reviews of An Abundance of Katherines were largely positive. The Guardian describes it as “brilliant, quirky and fantastically nerdy”. I do not agree with this. Don’t get me wrong, I love a quirky narrative and fun characters who are somewhat left of centre, like Colin and his friend Hassan. But I found Colin to be a whiny, irritating sap. As a main character and a leading man, he is awful. No self respecting teenage girl (let alone 19 of them!) would ever date him. The constant use of anagrams drove me mad. The made-up words (fug? Jewfro?) got on my nerves. The Katherines themselves were unlikeable.

Most importantly, huge swaths of the novel were incredibly boring. I kept waiting for an interesting plot twist, or for one of the characters to do something unexpected, but nothing happened. The narrative proceeded exactly as I suspected it would. It was dreadfully dull in parts. I found it so mind-numbingly dull that I actually found excuses not to read it – I did our laundry, I cleared out the wardrobes, I baked a cake, I even went walking on Cannock Chase alone (!) as I was so desperate to have something else to do. I also wasn’t certain as a reader who the book was aimed at. The book contains many obscure references and footnotes that I suspected a young adult audience would not understand. If I had read it when I was a teenager, I don’t think I would have understood half of those references. Perhaps John Green is aware that, due to the success of his other novels, his audience has widened to include adults as well? And yet, I stuck with An Abundance of Katherines all the way to the end. Why did I do this? Perhaps I identified with Colin. I have been told in the past that I too have a “type” - the difference between me and Colin being that I haven’t dated 19 of them! The simplest and most likely answer is, I hate not to finish a book. I enjoy the sense of achievement that comes with completing a novel and starting afresh with a new one, like a new chapter in my life. For me not to finish a book, it must be truly terrible or (and this is very important) it must have the ability to send me to sleep on more than one occasion. Admittedly I came pretty close with An Abundance of Katherines, but it was summertime, the nights were long, the weather was warm, and it was only 297 pages long. I think a part of me must have thought, what the hell? Let’s finish it and move onto something else. Quickly. I have the greatest respect for John Green as a young adult novelist. I thoroughly enjoyed my previous forays into his work, and the fact that he has played such a key role in getting young adults interested in reading, and covers sensitive subjects such as mental health and terminal cancer so effectively, is to be celebrated. But this book really wasn’t my cup of tea. Perhaps next time I will share with you a list of the books I couldn’t finish! (It will be quite short)

#book blogs #books and literature #bad books #literature

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loveandthings11 · 2 years ago

Note

Here it is! A finale followup/fix-it fic, featuring the immediate aftermath and a time jump to a hopeful future ❤️

Founder

He thinks he’ll sit on the bench forever. He thinks it might be forever. Hope was in a different life. A marker has been laid. The Waystar CEO is dead and so are all his heir’s aspirations. His life is dead.

He needs a new one.

Colin keeps a distance. A kept man, his mouth kept shut. Kendall told him to talk to him, but he knows he never will. He can’t blame him.

He thinks he’ll be haunted forever. There’s nothing left. He left the haunted house but it’s haunting him. All he can see are his worst fears that became real memories. He’s blind and he feels watched in his own mind. He wishes it would stop. The water looks inviting. Cold. Freezing, almost. Like it could make it all stop.

Betrayals echo in his ears.

“They are a pair of randos.”

Kendall doesn’t fight on the floor for a pair of randos. He tries to remember the last time he’d fought anyone. Age… no. He can’t remember. It was never. He feels like nothing. Nothing he does makes any difference. His whole life. 33 years of one goal, and it failed. It’s gone now. He’s out.

He’s out.

The only thing he has is the conviction that he was right. He could have done it. And they are his kids no matter what Roman thinks.

Roman has no idea what he and Rava went through. The way they were there for each other. How when he couldn’t look at her she’d cupped his face and told him she only wanted him no matter what. He’d felt like he was denying their dream. He’d felt terrible, inadequate, and Logan’s constant interrogations weren’t helping. But he’d made sure it happened for them and she’d done everything to make sure he knew that in her mind, the kids were 100% theirs. Hers and his.

He glances at his phone and sees eight texts from Stewy.

“Fuck, Ken I’m sorry man” “It’s gonna be okay.” “Tom’s a puppet with two masters” “Kendall” “Come on” “Fuck. Are you okay dude? Seriously.” “Where are you?” “Can you just fucking like this if you’re alive?”

Kendall sighs. It takes too much energy to sigh. He holds down the last text to give it a thumbs up. One person stuck with him.

His phone vibrates again. Connor. Huh. Two people.

“Hey. I’m sorry to hear it, Kenny. But that place was bad for all of you. Full of toxic gas. Breathe easy. Ice cream when you’re ready.”

He’s a good father figure.

Kendall’s mind wanders back to Sophie and Iverson.

“You don’t have any kids.”

Yes he fucking does. He has to see them. He didn’t think he could get off the bench, but somehow he feels himself being pulled up. It’s a force bigger than him.

It’s dark when he rings for Rava. He didn’t call first, he couldn’t bear any more rejection. She had a feeling he’d come as soon as she saw the headline and sighed a tragic sigh. She can feel the pain before she sees it. The elevator opens and she lays eyes on a former twenty-five-year-old full of hope and excitement and love. So much love. He’s forty and he’s full of pain.

He can’t even look at her.

“I’m so sorry, Ken,” she whispers.

He barely nods and opens his mouth to speak and closes it again, taking in a quick breath.

“You didn’t come to the funeral.” It’s not what he meant to say. She looks down. “You- you should have come to the funeral.” He wasn’t even thinking about it. Where did that come from?

“Well- it was safer-“ she starts.

His voice is low and soft.

“That’s bullshit. I would have kept them safe.”

“Did you come here to talk about that?”

His face falls further and he shakes his head, dropping his gaze.

“I really am sorry,” she says, trying to look into his eyes. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. This whole week… Jesus. Your dad, and- this…”

“Wouldn’t want you to imagine it.” He stares at the floor ten feet in front of him. “I’m sorry. Can- can I see the kids? Please.” Usually she’d say no this late, but she knows he needs them.

“Of course. If you don’t mind them being asleep.”

He walks quietly to the door of Sophie’s room and pushes it open just a tiny bit. Seeing her sleeping peacefully, safely, in her own soft bed plants a seed in his heart. He hopes it can grow there. He walks over and leans down to kiss her forehead. He tiptoes next door to Iverson’s room just to get a glimpse of his son. His son. He’s breathing quietly and Kendall goes close and listens for a minute while he re-learns how to breathe himself. He brushes the hair off Iverson's face, careful not to wake him. Maybe there will be a ray of light if the seed grows a leaf.

He gently pushes both their doors closed and turns to go back to the great room. Rava steps toward him as he walks back in and wraps her arms around him. He drives her insane but he’s still her Kendall. He’s still the same man she’s always loved. At first, he’s still stiff, trying to remember how to do and be. This can’t be a true situation. He’s not here in life. He stays put with his chin over her shoulder for a minute. She worries about how cold he is. He pulls back only a bit, staying close enough that her arms are still draped around him. He sniffles and she looks at him. She can feel the sadness falling off him in waves. She reaches for a blanket on the armchair and wraps it around his shoulders.

“Roman said the kids aren’t real.” He struggles to get the words out.

She closes her eyes.

“Okay… can I finally say something I’ve not been allowed to say?”

He nods.

“I think you are better off without them. Roman and Shiv. They just… they kill you. Look what just happened. You don’t ever have to go through that again. They want to go? Let them.”

She doesn’t relish the pain on his face and squeezes his hand.

“Well… they’re gone.” He’s almost disturbingly still as he gazes at nothing. “I’m gone.”

He finally looks up at her. Allows her to see the shining tears, the bags under his despair-filled eyes, the empty void he’s falling into. She reaches her hand out and touches his cheek. The same one nestled into her for so many years, creased with laughter, kissed every morning.

“No,” she says softly. “You’re on your way back.”

She gently pulls him toward her again and lets him fall apart as she leads him to the couch. Numbness gives way to heart-wrenching sobs and she silently cries for him too. She knows. She hugs him in that spot for as long as he needs. It’s a long time. She squeezes him tightly because they’re not reading into things tonight. She’s keeping him safe.

He’s the father of her children.

“I could have done it.” It’s choked out. He just needed her to know.

“I know,” she nods. She means it. “But now, you can do anything.”

Eventually, his tears run out. Tears always do. They give way to his slow breathing and sipping water. She keeps her arm around him and walks him into her coziest guest room. There are still boundaries, she reminds herself. She gets a pair of sweats out of the dresser drawer and he puts them on. He feels like he can barely move as he climbs into bed. She tucks him in before leaning down to kiss his head. He needs to remember what kindness without any motive feels like. He closes his eyes while she runs her fingers through his hair for a moment from the side of the bed where she’s standing.

“Can you…?” he trails off. She had a feeling. He keeps his eyes closed so he can’t see her reaction. “Please?”

“I’ll have to get the kids up early.”

“Okay.”

She’s never seen him so defeated, so empty, and she can’t walk away. She brushes her hand over his hair again and climbs in next to him.

“We’ll all have breakfast. Okay? You, me, and the kids,” she says reassuringly.

He nods, the most movement he can muster. His eyelids flutter open to look into her eyes for a second.

“They are real,” he whispers. She sees him in there, buried deep inside.

“I know.” She holds his hand. “And you are their real dad.”

Three Years Later

Kendall glances at his new sneakers and nods approvingly as he strides down the hallway amid the pulsing background beat. They’re the focus of his ensemble. Obviously. Kendall mostly wears his own designs these days. Jess pops out of her office, the sleek Royco Records sign on the wall reflecting her heels as she clicks down the hall. She’s traded her pencil skirts for five-hundred-dollar jeans to match her new company culture and salary, but the stilettos have stuck.

“Ken. You have a visitor in the conference room.”

“Yeah? Catching me before I even get to the door. Are you sure you don’t want to go back to being my assistant?” He smiles.

“Actually, I think I’m better as your executive VP,” she answers with a small smirk. “Also, this company would fall apart without me.”

“Uh huh. Whatever you need to tell yourself,” he says. “Who’s waiting for me?”

He peeks through the door and nods. Stewy swivels around in his sleekly padded armchair, suave as ever and full of news. Kendall swings the glass door open and walks over to clasp his hand and pull him up for a hug.

“Come to beg me for a job?” Kendall smirks.

“Thought you might need some more of my money,” Stewy returns.

“Oh, I don’t need your money. Things must be getting even worse than I thought over there, though.” Kendall grins with some darkness in his eyes.

“Tanking,” Stewy confirms. “This month is disgusting. Or delicious. Tom’s fucking it since Matsson got bored.”

“Still keeping ATN the focus with tech eating the world,” Kendall says disapprovingly, shaking his head and resenting his own knowledge. He can’t help reading the headlines. Or the articles. He’s rebuilt the house, but the foundation is still there. His therapist tells him to quit reading about it, it’s not good for him. But he’s quit so much since the fateful board meeting. There’s no scotch in his office anymore, he tells her, exasperated. It’s a big improvement after the first six months. Things were not good for a while, but he feels a tiny bit better every day now. Sometimes he allows himself just a little bit of self-sabotage in what he reads. A little less every month. He goes back and forth between hoping Waystar succeeds and hoping Tom fails.

“That’s right. I wonder how you know about ATN’s business plan,” Stewy says sarcastically. He knows about the not-so-secret readings. Kendall nods and looks away for a second. “Sorry. I’m- sorry. I actually do have a reason.” He opens his arms. “I resigned from the board.”

Kendall looks more cheerful at that.

“Oh- yeah?”

“I mean, do I look like a charity? I’m not seeing growth on that.”

Kendall knows it should still be profitable for at least a while and smiles to himself.

“Finally out of there, huh? Well… welcome back from the dark side.”

“Yeah…” He glances at Kendall to gauge him before continuing. “I just couldn’t handle any more of the Puppet and his sickeningly tall Sycophant running things.” Stewy’s careful. There were no Waystar mentions allowed here for the first couple of years it was open.

Kendall scoffs and shakes his head.

“Right, well… yeah, no surprises there. And how’s- uh…”

“Your sister? Whispering strategy in Tom’s ear in the car I guess, she doesn’t come to board meetings anymore.”

Kendall nods.

“Well, Roman said he wants all the sibs to get together at the mausoleum for the three-year anniversary of- of Dad,” Kendall says, waiting for the reaction.

Stewy raises his eyebrows and his eyes widen.

“Wooooow,” he draws it out and looks a little concerned. “You gonna go?”

“Uh, yeah. I think I will. Connor’s going, so… I guess it’s- it’s the right thing to do. For Dad.”

Stewy nods.

“Well, if you need an escape-“

“Yeah. Thanks,” Kendall says genuinely. “Hey, if you want, we have that new rapper from the Bronx in two weeks at MSG. It’s gonna be fuckin’ insane. I discovered this guy and he’s, like, next-level shit. Mind-bending, like- you- you just gotta see him. Backstage? You and me?’

“Hell yeah! There gonna be a better spread than the old company’s bullshit?”

“Yes, Stewy. I will make sure the food is refrigerated.”

“Glad to hear it.” He smirks and Kendall shakes his head.

“Okay. Good!” Kendall checks his watch. “I gotta go. I’m swinging by to pick up the kids. And- Rava,” he grins without meaning to. “We’re actually taking them to Rava’s parents house for the weekend.”

Stewy gives a smile of disbelief and raises his eyebrows.

“We?”

“Uh, I mean, trial basis. For her,” Kendall laughs. “I don’t know. Kind of a fuckin’ miracle, we’ll see.” He turns and starts walking out of the conference room. Stewy looks endlessly amused and follows him out.

“Did you go to one of those love potion ladies in the park? A psychic? Did you find a genie, Ken? Like, I can’t even conceive of a world in which-“

“Okay. Fuck off,” Kendall smiles.

“Dude. Seriously. It’s good to see you like this.” The smile was elusive for a very long time.

“Yeah.” Kendall nods. “If you fucking say I told you so…”

“Nah. You already know. It’s good to be out of the shitshow. Freedom is always gonna trump the guilt-laden lead shackles of that place.” Kendall looks at the floor and Stewy senses the emotional wave. They happen occasionally- much less over time, but he tries not to cause them. “Sorry.” He pulls Kendall in for a real hug and lets it pass for a moment. Kendall takes a deep breath as Stewy looks around.

“I always say this, but this place is fucking cool.” He rubs his back. “Hey. You built this shit,” Stewy says approvingly as Kendall pulls back with a happier expression on his face. He nods.

Kendall glances up the hallway as they start walking through it, noticing its unique lighting fixtures hanging from the ceiling, bricks on one side and glass offices overlooking the city on the other. The walls are adorned with his favorite records, his top clients’ music, the design team’s most popular sneakers in lighted display cases. Kendall picked every detail with the best designers Jess could find. The pride comes back as he takes it in. This place is his.

“It’s- yeah, it’s pretty amazing.”

Stewy looks down at Kendall’s colorful sneakers.

“Yeah. But your new design is- what is this? This is ridiculous,” Stewy says, gesturing at the shoes. Kendall chuckles.

“Must be hard not to have taste,” he says dryly. “Maybe the concert will make you feel better. See you in two weeks?”

“That’s right,” Stewy agrees and pats Kendall’s shoulder. “Go get your kids.” He makes his way out the door. Kendall turns toward the corner office and pauses before going in to get his favorite suede bomber jacket. He nods with a feeling of peace as he looks at the gilded lettering on the glass underneath Royco Records.

Kendall Roy

CEO

Founder

A/N: Thank you to @capricornmuffins for the brilliant idea of Kendall designing sneakers and having lots of hope and potential in the future 💖

Not sure if you take requests but a follow up fic from Ken after today going home to his family………it would mean the world…please…

🥺💕 A ray of hope in this devastating moment~ I do take requests, especially this one. I’ll work on this for you! Brokenhearted Ken girls all need a fix ❤️‍🩹

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ilalos · 4 years ago

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Worth it (Anthony Bridgerton x reader) Part 2/2

Summary: Your arranged marriage to Anthony seems fine, until it doesn’t.

Warnings: marriage, implied sex, angst-ish, fluff, pregnancy, crying, if you notice anything else let me know :)

Word count: 2.5k

The season passed in a blur with countless flowers and conversations that filled you with expectations about your marriage to the Viscount, you truly felt like love was around the corner for both of you and it was a matter of time for that corner to be turned. He was everything you had expected and more, you could tell he was wary about letting you in but didn’t want to push him so you let him open himself to you at his own pace. The had been some stolen looks, kisses on your knuckles that had lasted a little longer than they should and hand a bit lower than what was acceptable when you danced. To say the courting had been successful was the understatement of the season in your opinion, by the time the wedding day came you were counting down the minutes before you finally became Lady (y/n) Bridgeton.

Your wedding ceremony was short and the carriage ride to Anthony’s bachelor townhouse was even shorter. The wedding night had come with a surprisingly low amount of events, your virginity had been taken the sweetest of ways, with many kisses and whispered promises of pleasure that came true. By the end of the day, you were as happy as can be, laying on your husband's chest, feeling his heartbeat slowing down and smelling the sweet vanilla scent of his skin.

When you woke up the next morning the bed was empty and he had already left to work in his study back in the main Bridgerton home. He didn’t return until late in the evening and you were waiting for him so you could have dinner together.

“Thank you for waiting for me,” he said while taking a sip of his wine.

“It’s nothing, I like that we are finally spending some time together”

Anthony just nodded and continued eating in silence.

“How was your day?” You pushed for conversation, you had been alone all day and could really use some conversation with someone different than your maid, who was terrified of speaking freely.

“It was busy” he answered simply “how was your day?” He asked after seeing the face you made at his short answer.

“It was also very busy, I reorganized the books in the library, had the kitchen staff do an inventory on the pantry, and send the maids to the market to get some flowers for the table tops” you narrated proudly, hoping he might appreciate the way you ran the home.

“Good to see you’re settling in, darling” his small praise made you smile a little.

“You don’t mind that I changed some things?” You asked somewhat concerned by his silence.

“It is your home, you’re free to do whatever you please with it,” he said dismissively.

“It’s our home, Anthony, I want to make it perfect for you too”

After dinner, he walked you to the bedroom and after a couple of heated kisses you fell in his arms once again, the pleasure he gave you was addictive. Despite his cold attitude towards you in other aspects of your life, it was in the bedroom where you felt hopeful for a future where you both might learn to truly love each other, and then he would sneak out every morning making you feel like a worthless whore.

And so your days continued like this, every night was filled with passion and every day was lonely. You couldn’t even go to the Bridgerton home, you had been taught that a married lady was not to go out without her husband, so your heart slowly filled with sadness as you spent day after day alone in the townhouse. Anthony was none the wiser because he simply thought you enjoyed being by yourself, so it never occurred to him to invite you to his family’s home or anywhere else.

A month into your marriage you found out you were with child. You were extremely happy and Anthony had shown himself to be happy as well, but then that night he didn’t come home for dinner and didn’t make an appearance in your bedroom. He was more and more distant until four months had passed and he disappeared for two full weeks before you saw him again.

It was on the day of your birthday, and he had only gone to your room because the butler told him you had been very sick that day. When he entered the room he found you seating on the bed hugging your knees close to your chest, your eyes puffy from crying and silent tears still streaming down your face. You weren’t upset he had forgotten your birthday, you had never celebrated it so it didn’t matter he didn’t remember it.

“What happened? Is everything well? Is the baby-“

“Your child is quite well, Lord Bridgerton” you interrupted in the coldest tone he had ever heard from you “to what do I owe this joyous visit?”

“I apologize for my absence, I have been very busy” he answered measly.

“I figured out that much, husband” the word was said with venom.

“Are you upset with me?” He asked offended, you had never treated him so coldly.

“I am upset with myself” you started with a pained chuckle “I don’t need you to try and comfort me because you did nothing wrong, that is the reason for my anger” a small sob escaped your lips “I was taught to be a good wife, that my only job was to give my husband heirs and to keep the house running and I understood that and I didn’t fight it because at least I would have children to fill my life with love and a husband who at the very least would acknowledge me and my efforts”

“I-“

“I don’t want you to feel like you should change or apologize, this is not your fault, I feel miserable because I filled my heart with hopes and dreams of love but that’s just not how life is, at least not mine” you harshly wiped your eyes before finishing “I understand my place now, I’m nothing but a child-bearer for you and that’s fine because you didn’t even pick me in the first place” you got up from bed and opened the door for him “please leave me alone, I will be fine”

“I can’t just leave you here alone, have you even eaten today? In your condition-“

“Your child is perfectly well, my lord” your tone had turned icy once again “please go, I am tired and want to rest”

Unable to do anything else, Anthony left the room and went back to his family’s home. His mother had insisted for him to take you there that night, but seeing your state he didn’t even bother asking if you wanted to go. When he got there he was surprised to see the dining room fully decorated, his whole family dressed in their best clothes, even Daphne and Simon had paid a visit.

“Where is (y/n)?” Asked Violet.

“She’s not feeling very well” answered Anthony looking at the table that was filled with all his wife’s favorite food “What is happening? Why are you all here dressed as if you are attending a ball?”

“Anthony, please for the love of God almighty, tell me you didn’t forget your wife’s birthday!” Violet couldn’t keep his composure, how could Anthony be so clueless.

“I-I’ve been so busy lately supervising the building of the new house, it didn’t even occur to me that it was her birthday” Anthony felt terrible, as he should.

“It’s bad enough she doesn’t like us, son” Violet sighed, seating on the table “And now she thinks we don’t care for her birthday”

“Where did you get that idea, mother?” Daphne couldn’t help but ask “When she writes to us she says wonderful things about our family”

“Then why hasn’t she visited since the wedding?” This time it was Colin asking “Mother sent a tea invitation shortly after they got married and she never showed up, sent a poor letter apologizing but did not explain why she didn’t show”

“I might have an explanation for that” Simon spoke up “My aunt was a terribly strict mother, taught her that a wife was nothing more than a child-bearer and had no liberties like men do, for example: going out unaccompanied”

“Has she been out of the house since you married, brother?” asked Eloise, turning to face Anthony who was still frozen at the doorstep.

“I don’t believe so” he entered the room and sat defeated “I just thought she enjoyed being at home by herself, god!” he rubbed his hands down his face.

“I can’t believe it, the poor thing” lamented Violet.

“She hasn’t left the house in almost half a year” concluded Benedict.

“And here we were, refusing to visit thinking she had rejected mother,” said Colin.

“I would like to clarify, I never agreed with losing contact with her over one missed invitation” added Eloise, gaining the glares of everyone present.

“It matters not what we thought nor does it matter what has happened in the past” began Violet “right now I want you to go pick her up and bring her here, she deserves to be celebrated, especially after everything we put her through,” she told her eldest child, pushing him to stand and go to the door.

Anthony mounted the carriage and urged the coachman to hurry home and as soon as he got there he ran up the stairs to your room and burst through the door, jolting you awake.

“I am so sorry, love,” ha said kneeling on your bedside “I never knew you didn’t leave the house because you thought you couldn’t, you are free to do as you please, darling” he grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles “I didn’t mean to make you feel trapped in your own home, and I am sorry if you felt like I abandoned you” he caressed your face and wiped some tears that had fallen without your notice.

“You did abandon us,” you said, trying to pull your hand from his grasp with your other hand protecting your belly.

“I was merely supervising the building of our new home, I was hoping I could surprise you before the baby arrived” he explained, now seating by your side “I can’t possibly ask my family to leave their home but I know how much you love that house, and so I chose to build a similar one not too far from here”

“You are building me a house?” You asked incredulously, hardly anything could justify his absence but this was in fact a reasonable explanation.

“Yes, love” he once again caressed your face “A home for our family” at that your eyes filled with tears, this time from happiness.

You sat up and wrapped your arms around his neck, crying with your face buried in his shirt. He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head and shushing you softly to calm down your cries. You spent a while holding each other until he suddenly broke you two apart, remembering his family that was still waiting for you both to show up.

“My beautiful wife, I must take you out of the comforts of your bed” he began, apologetic “My family is expecting you in their home to celebrate your birthday with a lavish dinner”

“Heavens! You should’ve started with that” you ran to your door and called out for your maid “I don’t think I have a dress for such occasion, non that would fit me now, that’s certain”

You opened your trunk and began taking out your chemise and all other items you had to wear under your dress in such cold weather. You took off your nightgown not caring Anthony was there, he had seen it all before, after you had put on your chemise your maid ran in and help you put on the rest of your garments and helped you squeeze your small baby bump in the dress you had worn for one of the first balls you attended when Anthony was courting you. She put your hair in a quick updo and even managed to coerce Anthony into putting on your stockings and your shoes while she did your hair. With all that rush and hard work, you managed to be ready in under an hour and still made it to the dinner at a reasonable hour (half past 9 is reasonable, right?).

At the Bridgerton home, you were welcomed with warm embraces and merry wishes on your special day. You all sat around the table and ate the feast that had sadly grown cold. Colin didn’t seem to mind as he devoured everything in sight, prompting Violet to chastise him softly. You, however, ate small bites because the pregnancy had caused your stomach to be upset easily and you didn’t wish to offend anyone by running out of the room to empty your stomach. Anthony watched you eat and held your hand atop the table, smiling as he watched you laugh and converse with his family.

“Is the food not good enough?” Asked Violet seeing your plate almost full.

“It is just perfect, my stomach has just been iffy since the start of the pregnancy” you answered smiling apologetically, Anthony choked on his wine because he realized at that very moment that he had forgotten to tell his family about your condition.

“You’re with child? Those are wonderful news!” Exclaimed Violet with a large smile “When did you found out?”

“Four months ago” you turned to glare at Anthony “I assumed your son had told you”

“How could you conceal such joyous information from your mother?” Violet then noticed her eldest daughter had become quiet, as well as her husband “Did you know, Daphne?”

��I was aware of it, yes” Daphne admitted ashamed “I too assumed Anthony had told you”

“You assumed my eldest son had told me about his wife’s pregnancy and I had decided not to mention any of it in our letters?”

“I-I’m, yes?” Benedict and Colin snorted with laughter hearing their sister’s answer.

Violet only shook her head with a small smile, her children were truly a wonder. Anthony was nervous that you’d get mad at him for not telling them, but one look at your laughing face told him he didn’t need to worry.

Later that evening you both laid in bed after yet another passion-filled encounter, your breathing slow and even making Anthony think you were asleep. He was caressing your naked back with feather-like touches, kissing your sweaty forehead every few minutes.

“I love you” you sighed, kissing his chest “You need not feel the same, I just want you to know how I feel”

He took a shaky breath before answering.

“I also am in love with you, darling” he placed a finger under your chin and tilted your head so you’d look at him “sometimes I’m scared of just how much I love you” he kissed you slow and deep, pouring all his love into the action.

The kiss was unlike any other you had shared before, this one was full of promise and hope. It filled you with love and certainty, you were now sure that no matter how difficult the road to Anthony’s heart had been, even if you didn’t want it at first, it had all been worth it.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Hi! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. If you like it let me know.

Tag list:

@alaizaaa02

@awesomebooklover17

#anthony bridgerton #anthony bridgerton imagine #anthony bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton x you #my writing #bridgerton imagine #bridgerton

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kjthenbee · 3 years ago

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Initial thoughts on WWDITS S4E10: “Sunrise, Sunset”

In the all-too-relatable words of Zuko, my reaction to the end of that finale was: That’s it? That can’t be it. Where’s the rest of it???

That was an interesting, funny, and kinda depressing finale. Poor Lazslo. Kinda don’t feel bad for Nadja but whatever lmao. Guillermo-Lazslo coparenting moments were great as usual.

Holy shit am I glad that Colin Robinson is back to normal though. I was worried they were gonna make him a different Colin for the rest of the show. I like how they explained him going back to normal too lol. I guess this is just what happens to him every 100 years and some random people just raise him (like his grandma probably). It still begs the question of where energy vampires come from though… Maybe we’ll find out in the next season or two.

I was pretty disappointed with how little we saw of Nandor for this being the season finale, and the extreme lack of Nandor and Guillermo moments, especially after the shitshow that happened last episode. I had a feeling Guillermo was gonna leave at the end of the season since there’s really nothing keeping him there. I definitely think something is up with Nandor - I bet he’s still depressed and is just hiding it.

I was also disappointed to see Guillermo leave without saying goodbye to anyone, though I do get it. He’s been treated like shit for over a decade, undervalued and unpaid. If Guillermo does manage to become a vampire via Derek, I honestly cannot *wait* to see the look on Nandor’s face when he finds out. Though I’m still wondering if the headcanon that Guillermo can’t turn into a vampire due to his Van Helsing blood will actually come true, and/or that any vampire who tries to bite him will turn human again.

All in all, kinda have mixed feelings about this one. Not a super strong finale or episode in general. Definitely some major plot developments. Let’s hope they actually follow through on them in S5 better than they did this season.

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warmaidensrevenge · 3 years ago

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You came. You called

Joseph Quinn x plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

Ok this is gonna get intense.

Warnings: 18+ angst, fluff, heartache, and sexual situations.

Not proof read and no word count.

Part 5

😓

You woke up crying at the beautiful dream you had. It wasn't real. The life you dreamed of wasn't real. Your happiness was gone in an instant. You cried until you couldn't cry anymore. How was it that one person could make you feel all of this? Even after it's been 2 months since the breakup. You still got good morning and good night texts from Joseph. But you wished it would stop. He was making it incredibly hard to move on. Especially since his face was plastered everywhere.

You got up and found Colin doing some school work. Your sniffles gave you his attention.

“Colin. It happened again.”

“Shit come here friend.”

You went to him on the couch and hugged him.

“Which one was is this time?”

You wiped your tears. “ The one where I was pregnant.”

“Oh man. I’m sorry. What can I do?”

You took a shallow breath. “There’s nothing anyone can do. It’s just gonna take time.”

“I really thought he was gonna try after that night.”

“Why would he? He already made his decision...I just don’t understand how the universe allowed some people to meet, when there’s no way for them to be together. The truth is I laughed hard with him. I trusted him with my heart. He saw me. The real me....Why wasn’t I good enough Colin?”

“Okay bitch what we’re not going to do is shit on ourselves. So that’s enough of that. It’s not your fault that he’s being a shit for brains.”

“See I know this. But he just brings out all of my feelings. The good and the bad. Hearing his voice still gives me a warm feeling. I still get butterflies when I see his pictures. I read all of our old texts and saw how happy we were. He is still the first and last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I still have pictures of us and look at them and smile so much that my cheeks hurt.”

"THAT'S IT! GET YOUR ASS UP RIGHT NOW!"

You jumped when he yelled and got up pulling your hand.

"We are gonna burn his shit."

" No poop."

"Yes! It's the only way to move on. And block his number."

"Colin."

"No y/n. This needs to stop right now. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

You watched as he pulled every picture you had of you and Joe and shoved them into the small metal trashcan you had in your room. He grabbed the stuffed animals Joe gave you from his visits overseas. He went through your draws and took out the LAMDA shirt.

"Colin no. Not the shirt."

"Yes we need to get everything."

You followed him outside as he lit the stuff on fire. Tears ran down your face as you watched your time with Joe turn to ash. Maybe Colin was right. Maybe this is what you needed to get over him. You went back into your room after locking the door. You laid down looking at your phone. It was one o'clock in the morning. You sat there on Joe's contact info. Moving your thumb back and forth on the block and delete setting. You didn't want to and maybe you should have. But you just couldn't. Instead of blocking him you called.

The phone kept on ringing until you got his voicemail mail. You hadn't heard his voice in so long that you felt your heart sink. When you hear the beep you paused before you spoke.

" Hey it's me. I just wanted to see how things were. I hope everything is going well. I need to say something. Because chances are I'll never get a moment like this again. So this is everything I wanted to say. No one has ever gotten to me the way that you did. No one has ever made me laugh like you did. You were honestly the only one I saw myself happy with. You are my definition of love. And I would like to think if we never speak again, one day you'll look back on me as someone who wasn't scared of the future when you were by my side. I'd like to think that you'll remember me as someone who loved you, the best I could. I'd like to think that as somebody you could have spent your life with, if only I was honest with you from the beginning. If only the timing would have been right. If only we had worked just a bit harder. I'm sorry. But I got to let you go. I can't have you message me anymore. It's just too hard. Goodbye Quinn."

You hung up. " I love you." You deleted his number and cried yourself to sleep.

...

After the phone call Joe wanted to run to you. He wanted to tell you that he was being stupid and stubborn. But knowing that you were drunk he wanted to talk to you sober. He has planned on doing it soon but he has so much work to do. That he was gonna be out of the country the next few months. And as luck would have it that night when he punched Jamie he had broken his phone. So he had to wait for another one. He finally got a new one, three weeks later. And he immediately started sending you texts in the morning and night in hopes that when he came back you would talk to him and he would win you back.

It wasn't until the following day that he heard your message. He was distraught. He called you right after, but it went straight to voicemail. He called you none stop for an hour. When he couldn't get ahold of you he set so many messages that the screen was filled with a one sided conversation. Pleads, apologies, and begs for you to call him back filled what seemed like pages. He tried Colin but still no response.

That's when he sent the voicemail to Jamie. He called him just 2 minutes later.

"Joe are you a'right?"

He shook his head on the verge of tears. " No mate. Have-Have I lost her?"

" I...I don't know. Have you tried calling her?"

" She won't answer. Her and Colin cells go straight to voicemail and they are not reading my messages."

"I'm sorry Joseph. I think they might have blocked you."

" So she's gone now?" His voice broke

" I don't know. I will call her and see what's going on."

"Y-yeah." He said while hanging up.

...

You spent the following day out and about with Colin. You guys passed by this theater that was holding open auditions for The Walking Dead. Colin convinced you to go and try it out. You thought it would actually be cool to play a zombie. Ever since Joe you wanted to try new things. And though this was out of your comfort zone you wanted to do this. A small part of you would hope that Joe would see you and be proud.

Colin went first. He was reading a part that was for a new character. You had thought you guys would be zombies but when someone handed you a script you read over it. Your eyes were saucers. You were not expecting this. Your phone buzzed and you saw that it was Jamie. You were gonna answer it but they called out your name. So you turned off your phone to go out and did a reading.

You pretended to pull off a backpack and opened it. You looked up and the person who was reading.

It came so naturally that it surprised even you. I'm the beginning you were so nervous, but once you got to the monologue portion you just ran with it. You said your thank yous and went to wait with Colin to watch all the other performers. When everyone was done the producers called out names for the ones they wanted to read again and all the others could leave. When they call you and Colin you guys were so giddy. This time though they gave you a different script. You were to read the part of Adelaide. (Ada for short). It was a scene where the character was answering the 3 questions Daryl Dixon asked. The character was supposed to be his new love interest.

"How many walkers have you killed?"

"218. Well 219 after that one." You said nodding to the zombie you just saved him from.

"How many people have you killed?"

You pretend to pull out some smacks and fed it to his dog.

" 2"

" Why?"

You stood up and sighed. You brushed your nose with your index finger and looked up. Fighting back tears of anger and clenched your fist.

" And cut." The producer shouted. " alright Miss L/N we would love for you to join the cast. Would you like the part of Adelaide?"

" Because they raped and killed my sister. Using her body for bate."

" Ummm." You looked at Colin and he nodded. "Yes! I would like that very much. Thank you!"

You and Colin went out to celebrate. Now not partaking in any inhibitors you filled up on fries and milkshakes. You haven't eaten a carb for almost 2 years now. It was heaven. In the middle of celebrating you return Jamie’s call. After a brief conversation you told him about the role you just got. You asked him about Joe and he said he was fine. He asked for you to call him but you refused.

...

Jamie called Joe back after he hung up with you.

“Is she a’right?” Joe was concerned

“Yes Joseph she more than a’right. She just got offered a part in this show called The Walking Dead.”

What?

“But she’s scared of being on stage. I don’t understand. How is this possible?”

“I have no idea. But she seems very happy.”

She’s happy?

“Is she willing to speak to me?”

She is better off without me.

“Joe, I don’t think it’s the best idea. She’s been having a rough go around after the break up. Colin said she’s finally smiling again. Even eating normally now.”

“But I love her mate. I wanted to be with her since the phone call.”

“I know that. But I’m going to be brutally honest with you. Had you had no time in the past month to talk to her? I know you’re busy but we are all busy and still we sre able to make time for our love ones.”

“I wanted to talk to her face to face. Not over some messages or through a phone call.”

“Okay if that’s true why haven’t you come home to talk to her. I’m sure you had a free day or two.”

“It is true. And I wanted more than just a day with her.”

“Joe if you really wanted to be with her. No amount of time would have stopped you from seeing her. Every moment you spent with her would have been worth it. I know you love her. I was supposed to be your best man. But do you think that maybe you didn’t try sooner was because you’re still afraid of hurting her or have her get hurt again by someone else? Or maybe you think you don’t deserve someone like her?”

“I-I don’t know.”

Jamie sighed “ Okay let me ask you this. How would it make you feel if you never saw her again?”

He took a second before taking a deep slow breath. “It would hurt even more than it does now. I would be lost without her. My universe would collapse. I would rather walk this world alone if not with her.”

“Joseph, I know that this is how you feel but you never gave yourself time to actually consider how she feels about this. Of course you know she is madly in love with you. But after that call do you really think it’s wise to make her feel all the sadness again? Don’t get me wrong. I love her for you. But it seems to me that you are uncertain of what you want. You do know that there are some people that are just meant to be a season for you. A light to pull you out of the darkness. No matter how deeply you’re in love with that person or no matter how much you shared your heart. There will come a time where you have to say to yourself. Is the love we share worth sorrow. Is it worth all the tears. It was like she fell out of the sky for you. I believe that the best type of love is unexpected. You meet them by fate and it’s an instant connection and the chemistry you have is undeniable. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they look at you or the color of their eyes. You either feel insanely lucky or completely fucked. What I’m trying to say is I know the love you shared is worth it. But give yourself time to find each other again. Grow so that you can be the best for each other. Because when you finally do, nothing and no one will be able to tear you apart again.”

Joe knew now exactly what he had to do. And that was to let you go. Just so that you could come back to him one day. He was going to be better not only for himself but for you. He was going to be strong and he was going to work out his career so that he can be with you whenever he wanted. He would make sure that everything was ready for you when you came back. He is going to make you were safe and he was going to make sure that you would never question his love for you. That he will never be the reason you cried tears of sadness ever again.

...

It was the first few weeks of filming and man was Georgia hot. Everyone was incredibly nice. You had no idea how much went into making a series like this. You had loved the show and now you were a part of it. The make up looked so real on the zombies it actually scared the shit out of you. You were joined by more new characters than you thought. Bill Skarsgard had actually picked up a role too. It was a bit overwhelming at first but everyone made it as painless as possible.

You were in a total of 14 episodes with the promise of returning next season. Your scenes took about 3 months to shoot. Colin has gotten a role too but he died immediately. The producers kept him on as a zombie. Which was cool as hell..they wanted you to be comfortable and know you would be there alone, so they helped out with Colin.

Today was the day you had the sex scene with Norman Reedus. You were extremely nervous. Not because you were gonna be "having" sex on screen but this would be the first time you kissed anyone since Quinn. You still thought about him every day. You wished him well every morning and hoped he slept well every night. You still missed him very much but today made things change slightly.

The scene was shot and though it was weird, Norman was so sweet. His beard reminded you of when Quinns used to scratch you a bit. Kissing him was nice and though you guys didn't actually have sex. It was nice having someone that close to you. It was a good afternoon. Until it wasn't. You and Colin were having lunch when you guys overheard some extras talking about you and Quinn. Everyone knew about the incident. Everyone was so kind about it and no one brought it up until a month into shooting.

They were saying how you only got the spot because the director thought he could get Joseph to join next season as the new villain. Colin stood up from the table and went to approach the assholes. That's when Bill came and sat next to you with his sandwich.

* Hey that's not true. People here are so dramatic."

" Hey Bill. I know it's not. I just don't want everyone thinking that."

" Please, the people who actually matter don't think that."

You smiled at him and he returned it. Colin came back after giving the extras and earful. He was happy to see Bill and you talking and sitting so close to each other. Colin began flirting with him, making Bill laugh at his attempts.

" So I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me sometime?"

You thought Bill was asking Colin but Colin kicked you under the table.

"Oww what the-" you looked up from your food was met with Colin's eyes widened and slightly nudging to Bill who was looking at you with a beautiful smile.

You were at a loss for words. Today was definitely a weird one. " I uhh."

"Yes. She would love to." Colin answered for you.

You gave Bill a nervous smile before blushing and looking back down.

" She's shy huh?" Bill asked Colin.

" Just a bit but she's totally ok with hanging out."

"Um guys. You do know I can hear you right?" You said awkwardly.

" Well then say something bitch."

You kicked Colin so hard that he jumped. And Bill just chuckled.

"Umm dinner sounds nice."

Bill looked at you and smiled. "Great. How about tonight? My place?"

Shit

" Su-sure"

"Here give me your phone and I'll put in my number and the address of my hotel."

You handed him your phone and gave Colin a look. He was smirking at his success in getting you a date. When Bill was finished he handed back your phone and grazed your hand. You were flustered for a moment before receiving a text from Colin.

" Seriously how the fuck are you getting these damn actors? Do you have some magic vagina you forgot to tell me about?"

You ignored it and finished your lunch talking about the scene with Colin and Bill. You felt Bill's thigh pressed up against yours ever so often and it actually made you uncomfortable. You really didn't want to go out on a date with him. But now you were in it and you couldn't back out. Colin would've made sure you didn't.

You were getting dressed in the hotel room you and Colin insulted the way you were dressed.

" Please tell me you're not gonna wear that."

" What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

" Bitch you need to dress hot. And shave your damn legs."

"No! I'm not going to sleep with him."

" Why not?! He's so fucking hot!"

" Yes he is poop. But you know why."

" Fuck Joe. Just get it in. I'm sure Bill can make you forget all about him."

" I don't want to forget about him. I still love him."

" Yeah I know you do. But you need to try and move on."

" I know but I don't want to move on with anyone else. I just want to be alone."

" Well you can still be alone. Just hook up with him. I know your ass is horny. I hear the buzzing when you go into the shower."

"Stop it l. No you don't."

" Yes I do bitch. And it's cool. When you're gone I bust out my nine inch and go to town."

"EWW!"

" Shut up you know masturbating feels good. Don't deny it."

" I'm not. You're just over sharing."

" And? That's what we do."

You rolled your eyes and didn't change after all.

Dinner was pleasant. Bill was very nice. He asked what happened with Joe and you told him that you guys were on a break. You explained how you weren't interested in hooking up. Because you could tell that he wanted to. Though he seemed bummed he agreed to be just friends. Well for now he thought.

After 3 months of shooting you and Bill became close. Once Colin died in the show he went back home. Leaving you to the charms of a Skarsgard. You haven't stopped liking Quinn. But you also haven't started like Bill. So it was awkward to say the least.

...

It was a few months later that the season was released and you were beyond excited. The amount of love you got for being a plus size actress was incredible. Sure there were some haters but their comments were overshadowed by the love. Sometimes people would mention what happened with the incident but all were apologetic. There was even a fan page shipping you and Norman. Even a silly petition for you and Quinn to get back together. It was cute but it also hurt. You had seen that Quinn was hanging out with some models lately and it hurt. You thought that if you waited and stayed alone that one day your paths would cross and you guys could try again. But when you saw that he was working on returning to Stranger things. He wasn't going to be around. It took forever to film episodes so you knew he wouldn't be attending any Cons when the cast of The Walking Dead would have a table.

You hadn't seen him in months and you really hadn't been searching for him. You were just as busy as he used to be. Now you understood how he was able to get held back so often instead of coming home right away. Many interviews and photo sessions and promotions, you barely had anytime to yourself. It was okay though because you had Bill to count on when you felt home sick. He was really kind and patient with you. You knew he wanted more than just a friendship, but you couldn't give that to him just yet. After all this time you still weren't over Quinn.

You were in LA for a Meet and greet/Con when Jamie invited to his place for a small gathering. He was on a few days break while they filmed scenes without him. He told you that Quinn was in London visiting his parents. You were disappointed because you really missed him. You had started to forget how his voice sounded. How his touch felt. How soft his lips were. How his dick felt and it hurt you more than words could describe.

So you and Bill attended the party. You had missed Jamie so much. You held him so tightly that it brought tears to your eyes. You were gonna introduce Bill but him and Jamie were already acquainted.

" Günther, nice seeing you again." Jamie shook his hand and chuckled at one of Bill's middle names.

" Jimmy Jam how goes it?"

" it's going good. Mind if I borrow y/n for a moment."

He nodded and Jamie pulled you into the kitchen. Hugging you again.

" Oh love I have missed you."

" I miss you. How are things? How is Quinn?"

He let you go still with his hands on your shoulders. " Everything is fine. He's ok. Misses you."

You smiled sweetly. " I miss him."

" I know love. But what's going on with Skarsgard?"

You looked over to Bill and he smiled and waved at you. You return the wave with a grin.

" Nothing's going on. We are just good friends."

" Are you sure about that? The way he looks at you. Seems like he wants more than that."

You looked back at Jamie remembering the woman Quinns has been seen with.

" Well yes I know how he feels. He tells me. But I'm not ready. I just want my heart to heal before I take that step."

" So you like him then?"

" Umm yes and no." You said moving away from Jamie to get yourself a snack of cheese and crackers. " He's very kind and smart...but he's not Quinn. Don't get me wrong we have a lot of fun together. I just don't know how it will be when we are together.... I haven't been with anyone since Quinn and I'm not sure if Bill would still like me if we kissed. And what if he doesn't like my body?"

" That's ridiculous. You're beautiful. Any man would be crazy to not love you and want to be with you."

Your face fell and your heart sank.

Not Quinn though.

Jamie noticed your demeanor and put an arm around your shoulders. "He loved you as best as he could."

"I know. It's fine. I don't want to talk about him anymore."

The night was lovely and you and Bill left. Jamie called Joe right away.

" Joe I know you're visiting you mum. But there's a con in 2 days and you really need to be here."

" What? Why?"

" Just trust me. You need to be here."

Joe agreed and got on the first plane out. His agent scheduled him as a surprise guest appearance with Jamie and a few others who were off from shooting.

When you and Bill left he walked you to your room. Telling you he had such a good time and he wanted to take you out tomorrow. You agree and he suddenly gave you a kiss goodnight. You weren't expecting it and you were quite shocked to be honest. It was nice. Really nice. His was a very good kisser. You hadn't expected to be as into it as you were. But when he pushed you up against the door you had to stop. It was too much for you. He let up so you could catch your breath. After you did he gave you a gentle kiss and said his good nights before leaving with a huge grin on his pretty face.

When you went into the room you leaned against the door and touched your lips. Your eyes started to swell with tears. You closed your eyes to fight them and you were successful. Quinn didn't want you so it's time that you stopped wanting him. You went to bed that night while still touching your lips. The kiss was really good. But there was no spark. You didn't feel anything. That's when you knew you had to tell Bill.

The following day you broke it to him and surprisingly he took it very well. He said that he felt something but knew after the party seeing all Joe's friends would bring back old feelings. He apologized and said he wanted to remain friends until you were ready to be with him. You didn't know if that would ever happen but you did know you wanted him to be around. Maybe one day things could happen and a part of you looked forward to the day when loving Quinn wouldn't hurt so much.

...

It was Con day and you were so excited. You were answered questions left and right sitting between Bill and Norman. There were a lot of questions about you dating either one of them and you just laughed at the question and said the Normans lady would probably kick your butt. You didn't give an answer for Bill but that was ok. He put his hand on your lower back when a question about Quinn came up. He actually interrupted by saying we were here to talk about The Walking Dead. After about an hour or so you and the rest of the main cast went to do the meet and greet. You took loads of pics and signed as many autographs as you could until your hand hurt. Once you were out of things to sign you went to watch the table talk with the cast of Stranger Things. You and Bill stood in the back laughing at Jamie joking around with Sadie. About half way through the host announced a special guest.

" Give it up for Joseph Quinn!"

The crowd went absolutely bonkers. Your smile fell and it felt like your heart dropped to your ass. He wasn't supposed to be here. When he walked out he never looked so good. He was clean shaven and had that big beautiful smile you loved so much. When he said hello you felt butterflies in your stomach. You didn't notice you were holding Bill's hand. But it comforted you when you finally felt it. You wanted to leave but your feet wouldn't listen to you. You watched in aww as he addressed his fans. When he finally sat down he started answering questions. You saw him whisper to Jamie and he looked rather upset. But then the next fan went up to the mic cutting their little conversation short. Jamie found your eyes and gave you a small wave. You returned it with a thin lip smile.

" Hey Joe. I just want to say that I love you."

" aww thank you" he replied with a grin.

" umm did you know that y/n was added to the cast of The Walking Dead?"

" Erm yeah I heard about it. She was really good in it."

" How did you feel when you saw her making out with Norman Reedus?"

He laughed nervously not wanting to answer. You squeezed Bill's hand tighter when the fan said your name.

" Hey let's go." Bill whispered in your ear.

You finally were able to move your feet when a few members of the audience started saying your name.

Shit.

" She's here right now Joe." Someone said.

" Where?" He got up and shielded his eyes from the stage lights.

That's when his eyes found yours. His big brown fawn eyes were just slits now from the big smile he had on.

" Y/N!" He shouted and ran off the small stage towards you.

You looked up at Bill and he gave you a smile. " It's gonna be ok. I'm right here if you need me."

You nodded and looked back at Quinn who was just a few feet away. He noticed you were holding hands with some guy that looked familiar. He was a bit upset when he saw that but once he saw your sweet soft smile it was pushed away to the back of his mind.

You let go of Bill's hand and shortened the distance to Quinn finally standing at arms length you guys grinned at each other.

" Ello sweetheart."

" Hi Quinn."

You guys stood there for a moment before you heard Jamie say to hug. You both laughed and did. The crowd cheered so loud you actually flinched. Joe felt that and pulled you closer. He was smelling your perfume while you breathed in his body wash. Maybe the hug went on for too long but neither one of you cared. It felt so good to be in each others arms again.

" A'right guys. The show must go on." Jamie interrupted. When you guys broke apart you saw Jamie smirking at his plan being a total success.

" Please join me for dinner tonight?" Joe whispered in your ear, giving you one last squeeze.

" Tell Jamie to get ahold of me and we'll work something out." You said hugging him back.

He nodded and went back upstage getting cheers.

You went back to Bill and walked out to the lobby. This conversation was definitely going to be awkward.

" I'm sorry that happened y/n."

" Don't be sorry. It was all Jamie. He likes to meddle." You said with a bit of nervousness in your voice.

There was this awkward silence as you walked back to the area where you guys arrived.

" I'm gonna have dinner with him tonight."

Bill looked at you and was obviously worried.

" Umm okay?"

" I'm sorry it's just. I need to know where I stand with him. It's been so long and at the end of the day. He's still my friend."

" You don't need to explain. I get it. But I'm glad you told me. I really like you and I know this is hard for you. But you need to know what's going on with this. Because I want all of you. I don't want to share your heart with someone else."

Oh fuck this isn't good.

" Just please don't do anything to wreck the progress you've made. You've been so strong. Don't let your feelings do something you're going to regret."

"I won't. I promise." You gave him a hug. You have to be strong for your sanity. You had to fight every urge to want to be with Quinn. Because Bill was right. You have come so far and your heart was just about fixed.

No matter what you were not going to sleep with Quinn.

...

When Joe left you he looked back and saw you with Bill leaving. He was jealous. When he sat back down he had a look of annoyance. He no longer wanted to answer questions. You were more beautiful than ever and he wanted to be with you.

Did you move on with him? Did you not love me anymore? You said you would wait.

Jamie put a hand on his shoulder noticing he's state of anger and sadness. He leaned over and covered the mic with his free hand.

" They are not together Joe. But you need to act fast." He whispered

Joe was still annoyed but he felt better knowing that you weren't seeing that attractive man. But he couldn't help thinking about what Jaime meant by acting fast. Was he losing you again? No he couldn't lose you again.

Never again.

He ended his appearance early so he could try and find you but you were already gone. He couldn't wait until tonight to ask you to try this again. Because this time he was ready.

He was staying with Jamie due to the short notice of him coming. When they finally got back he had so many questions for him. He and Jamie sat on the couch talking.

" Who was that guy?"

" uh that's Bill Skarsgard."

Skarsgard?

" Oh the guy from it."

" Oh yeah."

" What's going on with them?"

" uhh nothing...yet."

" What do you mean yet?"

Jamie hesitated to answer. " He's trying to be with her. She told me he kissed her the other night."

Joe's heart fell. " Did...did she kiss him back?"

" Joe.."

" Did she kiss him back?!"

" Yes"

" Fuck!.... no!"

" But Joseph, she said she felt nothing. She said she still loves you."

" Then why would she kiss him back?"

" Because she needed to see if she had feelings for him."

" Well obviously she does. She was holding his hand at the event."

" She was?"

" Yes! What have I done? Did I take too long?"

" No she misses you. That's why I said you need to act fast. I don't want them to get any closer than they already are. You guys are supposed to be together"

" What do I do?"

" Common Joe. You've been waiting so long. You know exactly what to do. You know exactly what to say. Just do it. Stop second guessing yourself. I'll make myself scarce tonight. Just please don't have sex anywhere but the guest bedroom."

" We are not having sex. I made a promise that we will be married before we do."

" Well good luck with that." Jamie got up and headed towards his room. " There is a box of 36 count of magnums in the bedside table. Feel free to use them all. I know you will"

" We are not-"

" Whatever you say Joseph. Maybe do that elbow thing." Jamie smirked and left.

We can't have sex. We shouldn't....But fuck I want to.

Joe had hooked up with only one person since you. But it was a mistake. He was in Ireland doing a music video and he was completely drunk off his ass. One of the pretty girls there that looked a lot like you was flirting with him. One thing led to another and he found himself in the pubs stall getting the absolute worst head. The only reason he came was because he pictured your beautiful full lips wrapped around his cock. Your beautiful eyes looking up at him with such love and lust he couldn't take it. He came quickly as he could and left feeling like a complete ass. Even though it was a mistake he knew what he was doing and he felt like he cheated on you. For weeks he beat himself up for it. And he still did. But today when he saw you all he could do was feel guilty. He planned on telling you tonight in hopes that one, you wouldn't hate him after and two that it would set the mood to not take you and make love to you on every surface on Jamie's house.

He was so flustered in the kitchen that he burned almost everything. He had planned on making you roasted chicken and sides when he kept setting off the fire alarm. He was so damn nervous that he just opted out and ordered takeout. It's not what he wanted but he had to. Time was moving against him without mercy.

He had just finished setting the table when he heard the front gate buzz. He went to the security monitor and saw you in a rental. He opened the gate and went outside to meet you. You pulled up and got out of the car. You were wearing anything particularly seductive or revealing. Just a plain black flowy skirt that was just above the knee with a white top that fitted you just a bit snug around the breasts, with sleeves that went down to your elbows. You had a silver necklace with a ring on it and your hair flowed freely. You looked so good that he wanted to take you on the roof of your rental. But when you smiled at him all he wanted was to kiss you.

" Hey Quinn."

" Ello sweetheart. You look lovely."

You hugged him with your arms under his. It still felt like home in his embrace. You guys stood there for what seemed like mere seconds but was actually a good ten minutes before Joe pulled away.

" Common my love. Dinner is getting cold."

You nodded and let him lead you in holding your hand. He pulled out the chair for you and took your keys setting them on the kitchen counter. You looked down and saw your favorite take out place in LA.

" How did you know this was my favorite?"

Joe grinned. " Jamie asked Colin."

" Oh I didn't know they talked. That's cute. Colin is in love with him."

" Really? Hmm maybe we should get them together."

" What? Jamie's not-"

" Well not completely. He's bisexual."

Your eyes widened and you couldn't believe you didn't know that.

" Yeah I know. He's very good at hiding it." Joe basically read your mind.

He sat down next to you and started to serve you and him. You watched happily only wishing he cooked instead. You missed that so much.

" Sorry I tried making dinner but I kind of burnt it."

" Quinn did you suddenly get telepathy or something?"

He chuckled. "No l. Why do you ask sweetheart?"

"Because I swear I was just thinking about how I missed your cooking."

He looked over to you and pressed his lips into a cute smile. He put down the serving spoon and pulled your hand into his rubbing circles with his thumb on the top.

" I'm glad I can still do that."

"Glad that you could still do what?" You said while looking down at your hands. You move your fingers and interlock them with his.

" Still be able to know what you're thinking. Without asking."

You closed your eyes and smiled sweetly. "I'm glad too."

After a brief moment of comfortable silence Joe's heavenly voice was deep and soft.

"Let's eat shall we?"

"Yes I'm starving." You said not letting go of his hand.

You guys had a great meal and an even better conversation. It was if you guys never had broken up. You clung to each other with every word that was said. After you helped Quinn clean up the kitchen so that Jamie wouldn't be upset with the mess that Quinn made. You moved as if you were still living together. Afterwards you guys settled on the couch.

" So how is it being the new face of The Walking Dead?"

" It's undescribable Quinn. I love being an influence to all the big girls out there. Letting them know that they can be anything they want to be."

" It's brilliant. That feeling you get."

" Yes. I know now why you love it so much."

It was getting late and all you wanted to do was kiss him. You wanted to see if you guys still had that spark. By the way you guys were tonight it seemed to still be there. But you needed to know for sure. You needed to know where your place was in his life. If you still had one that is.

" Quinn what are we doing here?"

He smiled. "We are getting reacquainted love. I have missed you so much. I love how happy you are."

You returned his smile with a small but sweet one. "I've missed you too."

There was a moment of awkwardness when Joe spoke up.

" May I ask you a question?"

" Sure."

" Why did you block my number?"

You stood silent for a second nervous about answering. "I uhh need some space. I needed time away from you. The texts you sent weren't helping me get over you."

" You're over me?"

" Umm I... yes and no."

" What?! Why?! It's because of that guy right?"

" What? Bill..God no he's just a friend okay."

" Really? So you just kiss all your friends?"

Fucking Jamie man.

" Hey that's not fair."

" What isn't? That you said you would wait for me and then go kiss another bloke when you had the chance." Joe wasn't holding back his punches not this time.

" That's not ok. You don't get to use a meaningless kiss against me. What about the girl in Ireland huh?"

"She was a moment of weakness and I'm sorry. But how-"

" Common Quinn, do you really think someone giving the famous Joseph Quinn a blow job wasn't going to get out? Come on you're not dumb. Besides yeah it did hurt me but I don't hold it against you, because we weren't together."

" But I wanted to be."

" Seriously?!" This conversation now was just pissing you off. You stood up and fought back the tears that made their way to the surface. " Then why the hell did you break up with me?"

" Sweetheart you know why. I had no-"

" Choice." You cut him off. " Really?! If you loved me you wouldn't have hurt me so bad."

" I never meant to hurt you. I was just doing what's best for you. Don't take it personally. I love you" He said standing too.

You scoffed. " Don't take it personally? Are you joking? Of course I took it personally, you want to know why... Because I would have never done that to you. I didn't want to be without you. I cried for you, and I hated it, I hated what you did to me. I hated what you said. I hated you....I hated you because I would have chosen us no matter what. And you took that away from me." The tears finally escaped.

" What do you want me to say? I can't take it back. I wish I could. What do you want me to do? I want to fix this. We need to fix this. Because I rather do whatever it takes to make this work. I don't want anyone else. There is no one else for me." His voice broke and the threat of tears came.

" I want you to say I'm the reason for the random laughs. That I'm the reason for all the smiles. The reason you get so happy being on your phone, even though you are barely on it. I want to be the reason you're happy and that you look towards a future with endless possibilities and embrace them...with me."

" But you are all those things to me and more. You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I belong to you. My heart tells me that you are the best thing for me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You have me. You could do anything you want with me and I would let you. You can ask me for anything and I would go through hell to make sure you're happy. I love you more than you could ever know. And that's okay because we didn't ask for this. But I'm so happy that we got it. Because now I can't imagine my life without you."

" How can you say that Quinn? After all this time. Not once have you tried to come back to me. Now what are you afraid to lose me. Is keeping me on the back burner now not enough for you?"

He closed the distance and cupped your face. " Now y/n this is enough. I'm done arguing and I'm done being apart from you. I understand that it's been hurting you that we have been apart for so long. But it's killing me. And I'm finished. I refuse to spend another moment without you. So come back to me."

" You have NEVER been on the back burner! You could never be. Don't you get it? I've decided on you" he came closer until he was just a foot away from you. "You're eyes are the ones I want to get lost in, your voice is the one I want to hear for hours on end. Your smile is the only one I cannot resist. I want you to be the only one my arms wrap around. It's you who I want, you who I choose."

You grabbed his wrist and pulled them off. You held one of his hands and looked at them. You turned your gaze upwards to meet the big beautiful eyes you missed so fucking much. You put your free hand under his ear to hold his face still as you got on your tippy toes and kissed him with such passion that you could feel his tears fall on your cheeks. You weren't sure if they were from heartache or from sheer bliss. Either way it was the best kiss you and him shared.

As you guys kissed the world melted away. The love that once seemed lost was found. You guys entangled yourselves in each other. Trying to get as close as possible. You sank to the floor with Quinn on top of you. His hands touching everything he possibly could, while yours embedded themselves in his hair and under his shirt on his back. The warmth between your legs increased as he pushed up into you. Making your skirt fall down and up to your waist. You could feel his erection against the thin layer of your nude color panties.

He kissed down your neck sending chills down your spine and making your core slick. A low moan left your chest and he kissed your collar bone and moved his hand down to your aching sex. As soon as he touched the bundle of nerves you arched your back and scratched his. Making him hiss at the pain/pleasure.

He grunted in frustration as he felt how wet you were, because he knew he should stop. He wanted you. He needed to feel you. But he shouldn't. And with all the pretty noise you were making that he had forgotten made it hard for him to stop. So he wasn't going to. He got to his knees and eye looked over at you. Eyes full of need and love. Your beautiful smile made his heart pound against his ribcage. He pulled off your shoes and went straight for panties. His eyes never left yours. He put your soaked garment in his back pocket and lifted your knees. He got comfy on his stomach and pulled your legs over his shoulders. The most beautiful pussy he's ever seen was right in front of him. He could feel your thighs quiver from anticipation.

"God sweetheart. Don't ever keep this way from me again."

" I would never do that." You sighed. " I'm not one who kept themselves away for us."

He looked up to meet your eyes. His was filled with sadness and so were yours.

" Never again okay?"

Your words brought happiness to him again.

" Never again."

He kissed your inner thigh and was about to send you into your own personal heaven when Jamie walked in.

" No. Oh Joe no. What did I say about keeping it in the guest room?"

Joe jumped up and sat with his back towards the lower part of your body trying to cover you. His hand came back pulling down your skirt as best as he could. You on the other hand were frozen from embarrassment covering your mouth.

"Hello y/n looking as beautiful as ever."

You blushed and sat up not looking at him.

" We're sorry mate. Uhh things got out of hand."

Jamie raised his brow. " I see that."

" Sorry Jamie." You finally said getting to your feet with Quinn following suit.

" It's fine love. I'm just glad to see you back together. I'm even happier knowing what I said to Joe earlier happened." He smirked

" What was that?"

" Oh don't worry about it sweetheart. Jamie is just being delusional."

" Is that right Joseph?"

" Yes mate!"

Jamie laughed." A'right I'll leave you two love birds to it. If you need more condoms let me know."

"Jamie!" Joe yelled

Jamie snickered and disappeared into the hallway.

Joe turned to you and held you as you guys laughed.

" I uhh should get going."

" What? Why?" Joe's voice had sadness in it.

" Umm well it's late and I don't want to do anything while Jamie is here."

" Then I'll come with you."

You gave him a quick but soft kiss. " No. Let's just take the night to go over everything. Come see me in the morning and we will have breakfast."

Joe pouted but agreed. It was probably for the best anyways. He walked you out to the car and gave you a long hug and kissed you deeply. He felt your hand reaching for his back pocket and he grabbed your wrist.

" No no my love. Those are mine now."

You giggled giving him one last hug before opening the car door.

" I love you Quinn."

His grin reached from ear to ear. " I love you y/n"

He watched as you drove away wishing you safe travels. He skipped back inside and got ready for bed.

As soon as you got into the parking lot of the hotel you called Colin.

"Poop, guess what happened?"

" oh I know. Jamie just told me."

" Really?!"

" Oh yeah. We've been texting all day."

' Oh yeah?"

" Yes bitch he is so fine. But anyways did you guys fucked already or what?"

You got off the elevator and started down the hall to your room.

" No. But Jamie caught us before Quinn could go down on me."

" Aww man stupid Jamie."

" It was so embarrassing." You said while turning the corner. You stopped.

" So I'm assuming Joe didn't go back with you?"

You were quiet for a moment.

" Hello y/n."

" Umm Colin let me call you back."

" Bitch what?!"

You hung up the phone and looked down the hall. Bill was sitting next to your door holding flowers. When he saw you he stood up and smiled.

Shit

...

@salenorona23 @browneyes528 @e0509

#joe x reader #fanfic #joseph x reader #joe quinn #joseph quinn #joseph quinn x plus size reader #joe x y/n #joe x love #joseph x y/n #plus size reader #bill skarsgard x reader

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ladylilah · 2 years ago

Text

hoppingseason:

Colin felt a strange sensation inside him as Lilah looked at him with sincerity. It had been a long time since anyone looked at him that way. For most of his life, Colin was met with fearful eyes. He had placed himself on a pedestal where fear was the only governing emotion around him. Nonetheless, Lilah looked at him as if there was still a semblance of goodness within him. Her eyes spoke of encouragement as if searching for someone genuine despite the pale coldness of his blue eyes. Colin had to admit, her optimism sometimes baffled him, and her general trust in people around her was a foolish trait to have. In the same sense, he couldn’t understand her, but there was no denying the respect he had for her. She could do what he couldn’t, and for that reason alone, he placed her on a pedestal far above ordinary people - far above himself.

As Hopper took a step towards Lilah, he couldn’t help but smile slyly at her. It was almost amusing to him that she was worried about him, a Mafia gang leader who had control over the entire town and the most security of all. He was the one who should be feared, not the other way around. "Nothing has changed, Lilah,” he said, acknowledging her concern. Despite his attempts to change, he knew that the feelings he had for her were still present. Nonetheless, the circumstances hadn’t changed, and they could even have become worse. “You’re a terrific lawyer, you are,” Hopper said, lifting her chin up in a simple yet intimate gesture. He didn’t know what her deal was with Atta, but it had pulled some strings within him that made her case even worth considering. He wasn’t addressing what was being spoken about, as Hopper always does, but he heard her loud and clear.

“In another twenty years, you’ll own a humble home with an accompanying vineyard. You’ll have tea in the morning, and your grandchildren will visit you, calling out to your name,” he said, brushing his hand on her chin as he scanned her beautiful face. “That’s my dream for you.” Hopper used to talk about a life together when they were younger, back when he still had much hope that his life with the Mafia could bring about a sense of peace if done correctly. He was wrong, terribly wrong. “Tell me, what’s better than that?”

In some ways his statement was true - nothing has changed. Colin was still a Hopper, he was still running the mafia and someone she knew the majority if not all of the isle feared. But she wasn’t the same girl she was twenty years ago, not by a long shot. Which was something that bothered her under normal circumstances, but right now as she stood in this room, so close to the man she had tried her hardest to let go of over the years but never really could, Lilah was starting to wonder if maybe the changes weren’t as awful as she always thought. Maybe the new version of herself that she had become wasn’t as awful as she had thought. “I’ve changed,” she admits, certain in at least that. Though she’s not sure if that matters anymore, if damages have been made that could never be undone - if there was no going back or even moving forward from the mess she made and left behind all those years ago. “I know you don’t believe it, but I have. And I’m not - I’m not proud of a lot of what happened or how I handled it all, but I can’t undo it or go back.” There’s more she wants to say, so much more, but she doesn’t. Because she knows she doesn’t have the right to that kind of thing anymore and from the way that he invades having to own up to either a goodbye or remaining in touch with each other, Lilah’s fairly certain he wouldn’t want to hear anything else she had to say anyway. Which she understands and respects, despite how much she wishes it weren’t the case.

Without thinking, her own hand reaches up to gently rest upon his own that traced her face. It wasn’t a bad dream, not at all. The thought of her children happy and safe, her grandchildren even, was all Lilah ever wanted in life. It was the absolute most important thing to her, as she has proven over the years by sacrificing so many of her own happinesses to ensure that safety for them. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t more that she wants, even if it never felt as important. “I can think of at least one thing that would make it better,” she counters, eyes staring right at his own as she doesn’t admit to what it might be, but hopes that he could understand what she was saying. She knows she no longer has the right to want or ask for that, but if they were talking about their dreams for the future - Lilah wouldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t right by her side in every fantasy.

#in a kind and wistful way ;; threads #colin

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elektrantchios · 4 years ago

Text

london boy| b.b

pairing: Benedict x F!Reader ( goes by Miss Theodoric as her last name)

summary: you and Benedict are forced into an arranged marriage. neither are happy about it until Benedict starts to see you in a new light.

warning: angst, arranged marriage, bullying, little fluff at the end, Benedict is a dick for a bit nothing much though and swearing

word count: 1.9k

a/n: Thank you so much for the request! I took it in a different path maybe but i wanted to add something more! might do a part two to this where reader and Benedict are really in love and all that.

has been edited but probably missed something

MAIN MASTERLIST | REQUEST OPEN

This was a day you never thought would come, you had told your best friend Penelope multiple time that it would never happen, with three older brothers and two sisters you had no need to marry well or marry at all but all your siblings married poor thanks to either ‘accidents” or bad luck with money.

“It could be worse” Penelope remarked as you walked around the park.

You rolled your eyes, “Benedict is a bore”.

She raised an eyebrow at you.

You scoffed, “Maybe you should marry him”. When she looked away blushing you felt a little sorry. You signed, “I’m sorry Pen but this isn’t what I wanted. I can’t even think of a single time I’ve actually spoken to Benedict Bridgerton alone”.

“He’s stood over there with his brothers, you could go speak with him?” she nodded towards the Bridgerton brothers.

You huffed, “Why must I be the one to make the first move? I’m hoping if I ignore the whole thing it will go away”.

“My mama would jump at the chance of me or my sisters to marry a bridgerton”.

“Well as I said you or either of your sisters are free too” you sighed. “Christ he’s coming over” you cried as Benedict strolled his way over.

Once he was before you and Penelope he bowed. “Miss Featherington, Miss Theodoric”.

“Mr Bridgerton” you nodded along with Penelope.

“I hoped Miss Theodoric would join me in a stroll around the park” he asked holding out his arm waiting for you.

You smiled aware you mother was watching from the canopy. “I would like nothing more”. You turned to Penelope, “I will join your soon Pen”.

Reluctantly you took his arm. “The weather is charming today” Benedict remarked looking up to the sky.

You looked up too, part of you was upset you couldn’t disagree with him. “Yes, I suppose it is, I always preferred cooler weather though”.

He hummed as a reply.

You took a look over your shoulder hoping Penelope would offer some form of escape, instead she was busy staring longingly at Colin. “I do hope it gets cooler soon”.

He hummed again.

You felt yourself get more and more annoyed.

“How is your sister? I gather she has just had her second child?” you asked looking up to him, hoping asking something more personally would get more of an hum out of him.

“Well” he nodded looking ahead.

“My own sister herself has just deliver a baby boy, my mama is over the moon” you went on.

He hummed again.

This time you scoffed putting your arm away.

“Miss?” he asked stopping on the spot.

“I am feeling unwell, forgive me while I rest with Penelope” you say as calm as you can.

“Of course Miss Theodoric”.

The only thing keeping you from yelling at him on the spot was the crowd of people on their own walks.

-x-

“Oh Pen, he simply would give me nothing! I asked him about his family spoke of my own and all he did was give a one-word answer and hummed!” you signed maybe a little too dramatically.

“You have the engagement ball tonight to grow closer” she tried to sound cheerly.

You sat down beside her, “We will be married in four days and can hardly carry a conversation what will we do when we are man and wife?”.

“My mama and Papa hardly talk and they get on well enough” Penelope said.

“But I wish to actually talk to my husband, to be friends” you said sadly. “My mama offered talks about how she and Papa would talk all night along and hardly ever be apart”.

“I do not believe we can all be that lucky” Penelope remarked sadder looking down.

“I suppose there are worst men that Benedict, after all I hear he is gone all hours of the night at those art parties I’m sure I wont see him much” you shrugged.

Penelope stood up suddenly. “We must talk of happier things, like you said you have four days before the wedding and we shall enjoy them”.

You stood up too taking her arm. “If you like I could tell you all the things my sisters have told me about the wedding night” you raised an eyebrow.

She went wide eyed but made no indication for you to stop.

“And they lent me a few books” you said guiding her up to your room.

-x-

The engagement ball was exactly how you thought it would be. Standing by Benedict smiling thanking everyone for coming etc etc. It got boring fast, the manners and expectations were the less enjoying part of your life.

The whole time you were looking out of Penelope, your one confidant in everything since you were children.

“She’ll be here soon” Benedict spoke quietly beside you. You looked towards him confused, “The Featherington have never been good with time keeping”. His face was still as he spoke but you defected the humour.

You smiled. “Yes, it caused a scene at my brother wedding last winter”.

You opened you mouth to speak again just as the Featherington walked through the doors, you wanted nothing more than to grab Penelope and drag her to a far corner then you remember the job you had to play.

You held her hand tight in yours, “Dear Pen I have something for you”, you whispered while everyone else was busy talking.

“You didn’t-“ she started before being interrupted by her mother.

Much later in the evening you manged to get away to find Penelope. You knew how she felt at events like this. You were painfully aware of how other people saw her and how she saw herself. If you, could you’d fight anyone who said a bad word to or about her, you would start with her family.

Before you could make another movement, an arm stopped you, you spun around to met Benedict holding your arm.

“Mr Bridgerton? If you’d excuse me” you frown.

“If you’d accompany me in the next dance” he smiled trying to be charming.

“If you’d forgive me sir, I am looking for Penelope we have things to discuss” you said politely pulling your arm back.

Annoyances flashed across his face, “Surely you could do with stringing poor Penelope along for a night”.

Your jaw dropped. “How dare you suggest that I do not love her dearly. You would know that if you had bothered at all to know me. Now sir if you’d excuse me!” you walked away from him not caring if people were watching.

He caught up with you easily, “Miss-“.

You gave me a dazzling smile, “I have said all I wish to say, I will do you the honour of dancing once I have found Pen” and with that you turned away and left him standing alone.

You hated him, really hated him but at the same time it stung that was how he saw you, a horrible person who strung Penelope along to make yourself feel better.

Penelope was right where you thought she’d be, outside in the garden where she could find peace. She waved you over once she spotted you.

“Oh my dear friend what’s the matter?” she cried once the light hit your face.

You touched your face to find it wet with tears, “nothing. Nothing at all”.

She looked unconvinced but moved on. “I am very eager to know what this gift you promised is”.

You grinned reached into your bag. “You know how happy I am you will be a bridesmaid at the wedding but I wanted you to stand out among the others”, you brought out a small cotton bag. “Here”.

She took it from you looking at you unsure. Once she opened it her jaw dropped. “You shouldn’t have” she dropped the bracelet into her lap then pulled you into a hug. You laughed hugging her back.

“And if you noticed, I have a matching one” you said putting your wrist into view. “Pen you must know you are my dearest friend. I really hope you know that”, you said enthusiastically.

She scoffed laughing, “Of course I know that you fool now come on this Is your ball after all”.

“Do I have too?” you winded.

“Yes” she laughed hauling you up.

You felt a lot better going back in then you did when you left, one thing you were sure of was that you cared more about Benedict than you let anyone know, even yourself.

Something else you didn’t expect was to find Benedict hanging by the door, waiting for you.

Before he could speak you turned to Penelope, “If you would excuse me, I own Mr Bridgerton a dance”.

You silently followed him to the dance floor, if things were awkward before this was something else. All the thing you were taught went out the widow, you didn’t know how to act around him.

The music started, you wish you could remember what song it was.

“You look beautiful this evening” he remarked.

“Thank you, sir,” you said not being able to meet his eyes.

“I am sorry for my words” he asked close to your ear, you shuddered when you felt his breath down your neck.

“You meant them, why be sorry” you said lack of emotion.

Just past him you saw Penelope stood surrounding by Miss Cowper and her followers, right then you saw red. Pulling after and going towards them.

“Miss Cowper how lovely it is to see you after the terrible news” you smiled stepping in front of Penelope.

“The news?” she had abandoned her mistreatment of Penelope.

“That your Engagement to Lord Caster ended” you kept the smile on your face.

“How dare you-“ she stepped forward but whatever she indeed to do was cut short by Benedict.

“I was wondering what took my soon to be wife away” he smiled placing a hand on the small of your back.

“Miss Cowper and I were just saying goodbye, it’s shame she has to leave so early” you smiled to Benedict.

“I-“ Miss Cowper started.

“It is a shame you will have to leave us so early but we hope to see you at the wedding” you couldn’t put into words how happy you were when he went along with everything without being asked. “Penelope my brother has mentioned how he’d wish to dance with you tonight”.

Penelope and Benedict left you alone with Miss Cowper, her followers had left at one point. “I do not wish to cause a scene now but if I see you treating Penelope that way again, I will make sure you do not get invited to any social events until you are long forgotten and have no choice but to become an old maid”.

Miss Cowper was in a studded silence.

“I do look forward to seeing you at the wedding” you said loudly for everyone who might be close by.

From the side-lines you watched Penelope and Colin danced happily together.

“I always thought you were too proper to do something like that” a happy Benedict said behind you.

“I made this point early this evening but if you actually got to know me, you’d know how ‘proper’ I am” you whisper laughed.

“I was entirely wrong about you” It was like he was seeing you for the first time.

You stared at him half in awe and confusion, “Well I believe we have the rest of our lives to be right about each other”.

He smiled and it set something on fire in your chest, “I look forward to it, Miss Theodoric”.

“As do I, Mr Bridgerton”.

#benedict bridgerton x yn #benedict bridgerton x you #benedict bridgerton fanfiction #benedict bridgerton x reader #benedict bridgerton #bridgerton fanfiction #bridgerton imagine

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