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stitchkiss · 2 years ago

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okay so these are my analyses of their relationship and different aspects of it with sprinkles of headcanons if you can pick them out of all this babble

mess it up - gracie abrams

okay so this was actually inspired by an edit i saw on t*ktok but it just captures the thiam essence so well because theo thinks he isn’t good enough. (comments say it applies to the fic airplanes by captainmintyfresh but i haven’t read it yet). anyway “we can make it better breaking every habit” and “pull myself together you can watch it happen” says it all really

the bottom - gracie abrams

again this is theo being self deprecating and thinking he’s no good for liam. i see this as theo and liam talking about their feelings very vaguely but managing to get the point across while also not revealing the reservations they have about starting a relationship (for reasons not about the other, but because of how they feel about themselves. see: theo). theo thinks liam shouldn’t be in love with him and doesn’t know how to accept it because he hasn’t accepted himself, but they’re still in a relationship because it’s the realest thing theo has and he doesn’t know how to let it go (he doesnt have to!!!)

aimed to kill - jade lemac

s5 thiam all the way. theo is just too in love with this innocent little beta. it seems predatory but i’m not going to interpret it that way because in my mind this is theo teasing liam and not actually following through with all his sexy threats because theo is still on a mission. this is what antis think when they say thiam is toxic and yknow what? yes. yes it is. what are they gonna do about it? these two are gonna lick blood off each other or i don’t want it

we go down together - dove cameron and khalid

holy SHIT this is the most thiam song ever. they are so ride for die each other (we all know they were lying in the elevator) and they fight each other to save each other because there’s no fucking point if they’re not together. it’s borderline obsessive and codependent of them but that’s the thiam i love best. i hate that i don’t have more words to describe this it just makes me speechless. just trust me on this besties.

anything 4 u - lany

this is a theo pov again with him wanting what he thinks he can’t have but trying anyway. he would do literally anything for liam. this is 100% canon. “sleep on the back of a beat up car” iykyk. this song is full of potential for thiam headcanons btw. theo is a fucking simp trying to make his way through beacon hills

wasted - demi lovato

this is thiam being completely obsessed with each other. they cannot function without one another and do not want to. they’re DRUNK and ADDICTED to each other and everyone knows it. just listen you’ll get it

4 ever 4 me - demi lovato

i like to think this song plays during a thiam montage right after they get together and drive off into the sunset. like if there was a s7 and they got together mtv would just make their own thaim edit to end the episode and it would have the best and highest rating out of all the episodes. like the tomatometer would be off the charts. thiam are so in love

luna - hayley kiyoko

okay obviously luna is a reference to werewolves and the full moon. these two just drive each other crazy. the emotion they pull out of each other is unparalleled. they just know each other at an inhuman level it’s almost incomprehensible but it IS and we UNDERSTAND and that’s why we’re so down bad for this ship

parking lot - claire rosinkranz

pre-thiam. this song pushes the homeless!theo agenda. lonely!theo. pining!theo. this is angsty thiam when liam doesn’t trust theo but still uses him.

stuck on us - claire rosinkranz and aidan bissett

this is a fun and fluffy thiam song in which they just drive drive drive and ofc liam is a passenger princess. they are absolutely stuck on each other and they don’t even try to hide it because why tf would they? this is them being actual teenagers for once with no worries and having the time of their lives by each other’s sides because that’s where they belong.

physical - dua lipa

there is no better song in this playlist that explains the title as well as this. physical altercations is their love language. (then, eventually, they get physical physical *wink*). it’s also very taunting in such a theoesque way and it’s just so lovable.

favorite crime - olivia rodrigo

theo is literally a murder, so he’s a criminal. liam loves him anyway and theo loves him too. this is liam defending theo to the pack and loving theo despite everything he’s done. loving liam is theo’s favorite crime. this situation is a hella lot less sad than for liv bc thaim stays on top, so ignore the actual meaning of this song to further the thiam agenda pretty please.

hate myself - tate mcrae

theo hates himself, that much is obvious. he has so many regrets and so much guilt that he doesn’t want to burden liam with especially because liam is part of that guilt. he shuts off when liam (and anyone) tries to get close to him because he doesn’t think he deserves love or anything good in his life, and if he gets it he thinks it won’t last and it’ll be his fault it doesn’t. this song a little harder to explain but either you get it or you don’t

outrun myself - jack kays and travis barker

this song is for the broken asf theo. he’s just stuck in his own emotions and he can’t get out no matter how hard he tries. he’s trying for liam but it’s so fucking hard. just when he thinks he might forgive himself a tiny bit his progress undos itself and he has to start all over again. this is less thiam but it i see it as theo’s thought process to believing he is worth liam and that he deserves him. it’s a tough process.

little bit louder - mimi webb

oof okay this is in liam’s pov because he just loves theo so fucking much but he’s scared that the intensity of his feelings will make theo pull away (even tho theo would love nothing more than for liam to declare his love for theo in the most obnoxious dramatic heartfelt way ever). liam knows he’s a lot and some people can only take him in small doses but theo has never been like that. theo has always accepted liam for who he is BUT now that their relationship has changed liam’s starting to second guess himself. (it works out in the end)

live without it - dylan

i see this song mostly in theo’s pov after he realizes he’s totally in love with liam and even though it might not have been a good decision he accepts it and wouldn’t have it any other way. except love is fucking terrifying for theo because of the everything about him but he needs liam like he needs to breathe and what the fuck when did that happen?? for liam, he is terrified of loving theo because he’s unlike anything liam is used to and he doesn’t want to fuck it up because he knows they belong together. just listen to the lyrics you’ll get it.

move me - charlie xcx

i see this in theo’s pov so he can’t see how much he really means to liam and is just stuck in his own head. this song encapsulates how codependent thiam are (or how i see them anyway) and even though they might totally hate each other they still have each other through everything because leaving the other behind is not an option for either of them

lightening - charlie xcx

i like to think this song applies to both pov’s. this is just them falling in love (ie the entirety of s6). i like to imagine them just chilling and they both just have this staggering realization that hits them like lightning (ha) and they’re just drinking each other in because how the FUCK is this real?? “my stupid heart can’t fight it” need i say more

crush - david archuleta

self explanatory. david archuleta applies to everything. also this is liam’s inner monologue after 6b absolutely oblivious that theo fell in love with him forfuckingever ago and was waiting for liam to catch up, but liam needs his dramatic early 2000s music video moment

and scene

okay here’s my incomplete thiam playlist

hope u like it

#quick someone analyze why i relate to theo so much #thaim #theo raeken #liam dunbar #teen wolf #exactly one person asked for this and i delivered #if there’s a thiam discord out there come find me #or if you wanna talk about thiam feel free to message me !

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thegetoufather · 3 years ago

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HOO BOY BABY I HAVE A FUCKING LIST

1. Specifically hard/mean dom Shouto - Arguably my biggest pet peeve because Sho’s my favorite. He is the softest and sweetest of service tops to me. He’d never ever want to hurt or degrade his partner whether it’s physically or emotionally and I’ll die on that hill (I also really don’t think he’d want any of it done back to him but that’s another thing. Shouto is honestly just very vanilla and servicing to me).

2. Overly mean Megumi - I see this one sometimes too, and like… We’re gonna sit here and act like this boy likes to degrade you and isn’t also secretly very sweet with his s/o outside of the expected teasing/mock annoyance? We’re gonna do that?

3. Hypersexual Bakugou - this one doesn’t bug me quite as much, but I very strongly headcanon BKG as being on the ace spectrum and I don’t know how common it is, so I’ll include it, hehe.

4. Making Deku and Armin either too mean or pushovers - There’s a middle ground that I feel should be met with them? Other people have talked about it already though, so I won’t elaborate. They wouldn’t even be mean in general to me, the worst they’d get is like… Firm.

5. Creepy Bert/Bert slander in general - He’s my BOY and all of TikTok can fight me.

6. Really specific one, but reducing Reiner down to “I am the Armored Titan and he’s the Colossal Titan,” (again, TikTok) because I don’t find it funny anymore. Also, I very much want to give him the love he deserves, but I feel like time skip Reiner gets like… Infantilized? In a way that’s icky, especially with ships. But that could just be my observation. I could apply that to a lot of other characters with trauma, too.

7. Literally almost all of fanon Haikyuu. I’ve never seen such bad flanderization.

8. This is a me thing, but I hate how every character has to be a hard, mean daddy dom regardless of their personality. Like, I’m a total softie sexually and honestly not all that kinky so maybe that’s why, but it bugs me. I just want more soft loving, hehe.

I’ll come back if I think of more. I hope this isn’t too aggressive, lol.

i literally switched to desktop to answer this one because you brought up A TON OF GREAT POINTS PLS (also not agro at all!!)

all my responses under a cut because.... i had a lot to say

1. sho is my favorite too!!! he is ,,, super vanilla and servicing,, just wants to make you feel good help. i feel like the endeavor trauma is often interpreted to like, make him turn into one with hard limits, and why is it never like ,,,, make him want to be the Ultimate Pleaser fr. also another sho characterization i hate is where they monopolize on the awkwardness and thats why hes a hard dom because he can only communicate that way??? like pro sho is suaver than you give him credit for y'all better believe it

2. mean megumi is something i never get LMFAO. like yea he gets irked with yuuji and nobaras antics but its not cause hes mean he's just more reserved in comparison to them??? this man isnt rude he grew up alone and learnt to survive, he's just like not vocal. hes still a sweet boy!!! just a tough exterior!!! i feel like he would be awkward with teasing stuff too, like he asks yuuji for advice because the first things he had fell flat LMAOOO

3. hypersexual bakugo..... in the context of fucking other people at least........that dont make no damn sense to me either. bakugo literally just. wants to be a hero. hes the epitome of the "wednesday is at the special age where shes got one thing on her mind. boys? murder." audio. like even early on his pro days, he has a horny thought and goes "whats that" until he finally has the time to slow down. OR OR. he like. has scheduled jack off time. just to relive stress. the bakugo gets bitches agenda is true in the sense he has fans who would sell a left tit for him, but the bakugo also canonically calls everyone extras i don't see him like being so horny where he needs to stick it in anything ya know???? ace or demi bakugo makes very much sense to me too.

4. THANK YOU!!! normalize the middle ground!!! ngl i think thats why i dont like reading for either of them bc they already arent my type exactly and then there are just so many extremes with characterizing them im like damn they either cry or own whips, what is the truth.

5. END BERT SLANDER!!! Y'ALL DONT KNOW HIM LIKE WE DO!!! no because like, bert has anxiety, but he isnt, that doesnt make him a creep or a stalker. he just like, would be a shy awkward meet cute. a lil fumbly in a cute way with the first fuck but, picks up speed. has a massive size kink. is a switch who leans dom. i said it. he is that quiet power service dom. i will elaborate at some point.

6. reiner does deserve more love!!! say it louder!!! no because like, the reduction of him to the spilt personality and then further taking that into like,, loving him like he is a kid, its blurring the mommy kink line if that makes sense??? he's depressed and did not have good support growing up, you can like, take care of him and make him feel good without reducing him to a child ya know? give him blankets! wear matching sweaters! kiss his lil face silly till he smiles!!! you are very right, a lot of characters with trauma get chalked down to "let me be their mom so i will write in a mommy kink," without like, actually doing it like that does that make sense?

7. i will burn fanon haikyuu to the ground. no further statements.

8. and thats totally fair!!! honestly, that goes into a bigger conversation as to how, sex in media (and not just fanfic) isn't normalized to thinking that vanilla sex is fun. because now it all comes down to marketability, and soft loving isn't as palatable as latex and crops. its not to say you can't enjoy those things, but the fact that people take that as the only way that "you had cool or fun sex" is so wrong?? like its ultimately a physical connection between two people, its fun when y'all get each other? idk. this can turn into a rant not related to your original point at all, but like, yea. normalize not everyone being hard doms. you dont need to write that for your fanfic to get more clicks. a better characterization is better than supposedly appealing kinks ya know?

fanon characterizations - what pisses you off, lemme know

#ask games #lol sorry this was like a thesis #people might get mad but #i have pitchforks

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allisondraste · 6 years ago

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Asexuality and Romance

And Solavellan

Hi, hello, it’s Allison again and this week on “Things I would Very Much Like to See Less Of,” I will be addressing the notion that asexual relationships are less meaningful and/or important, than sexual relationships. I recently took to twitter with my thoughts on how relationships do not require sex to be considered a romance, citing Solavellan as a specific example. I was pleased with the supportive responses I received; however, there was a pattern of responses that did bother me just a little.

“It is impossible to imagine Solavellan as asexual because it is too [intimate/ passionate/ deep//romantic/ etcetera} to be asexual.”

“Solas is too flirty and suggestive to be asexual or exist within an asexual relationship”

These comments were well-meaning, and in completely good faith, however, they are ultimately acephobic, as they suggest that people who identify as asexual or who exist somewhere on the asexual spectrum cannot have intimate, passionate, deep, romantic relationships with others, or that they must be prudish saints to be considered ace. This is not only hurtful. It’s just wrong. For several reasons! I’m gonna just slip those reasons behind a read more to be mindful of others’ feeds.

1.) “It is impossible to imagine Solavellan as asexual because it is too [whatever] to be asexual.”

Alarming as it is for some folks, particularly in highly sexualized places such as fandom: Sex is not required for romance. It simply isn’t. It is, of course, a related feature that some people enjoy (an enjoyable side benefit, if you will *snerk*). Relationships without sex can be just as deep and meaningful, just as passionate, just as closely bonded, and just as important as those in which sex is involved. I understand that it is difficult for allosexual people to comprehend this notion since many conflate sex and romance as one and the same. I do not refute that sex is a beautiful expression of love, but it is not the only way to do so. To address this point, I would like to refer to a popular theory about love developed by Psychologist Robert Sternberg. This theory is called the Triarchic Theory of Love, and it explains how intimacy, passion, and commitment interact within an interpersonal relationship to then define that relationship.

Intimacy is a feeling of closeness or bondedness (notably not sexual). Intimacy is established through sharing experiences and personal knowledge. It is about trust and connectedness. Intimacy can be shared between family, friends, and lovers and it manifests across physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental, domains.

Passion is often called attraction or chemistry. Passion is most in line with what most would consider “sex” and “sexuality,” however, attraction can also take the form of physical, romantic, spiritual, emotional, and any other ways one person may be attracted to another.

Commitment is a choice, or decision of one person to love another person.

According to Sternberg, relationships experience fluidity of each of these three components depending on the type of relationship between individuals as well as across time and situations. He developed a triangle to illustrate how these components interact (below).

While all of the different facets are incredibly interesting, and would be a great topic for discussion in another post, I am particularly interested in two types of “love” here to help me prove my point: Romantic and Consummate.

Romantic love, as I previously discussed, is one that is often misconstrued and thought to be unattainable to those who do not have sex. Yet, according to Sternberg’s theory, the fundamental components of romance are passion (which may or may not be sexual) and intimacy (which is distinctly not sexual). Therefore depending upon the members of a relationship, and how they experience attraction and closeness, romantic love does not inherently require sex .

Consummate love is considered the highest form of love, as it is the combination of all three components. Essentially, it is an enduring romantic relationship. Adding the commitment piece changes nothing about the lack of need for sex to establish the relationship as romantic. I enjoy the word “consummate” because the most well known definition is a verb, meaning to solidify a marriage by having sex. However, in this case it simply means “supreme” or “highest order.” Sex is optional.

I think that anyone who is incapable imagining just how Solavellan might be romantic through the progression of deep intimate conversation and understanding, intellectual and emotional attraction, trust, and closeness must not have a very strong imagination.

2.) “Solas is too flirty and suggestive to be asexual or exist within an asexual relationship”

I suppose the hill I will die on will be the one where I just shout from atop it with my megaphone that people who identify as asexual, ace spectrum, demi, and greysexual are not, by default, prudish. I know… shocking. If I had a penny for every time someone made a virginal ace joke I would be wealthy. Asexual, by definition, simply means that one does not experience sexual attraction. To be on the ace spectrum means that one does not experience sexual attraction in a common fashion. While some people on the ace spectrum are sex averse or sex repulsed, this is not true for everyone. Some ace folks are simply indifferent to sex. Others still are even positive about sex, but do not experience a desire for it like allosexual people do.

Some ace folks love to consume media about the sexual relationships of others, yet want no part of it themselves. Many ace folks love dirty jokes and vulgar humor. In fact, sometimes, you may not even be able to tell that we are, in fact asexual by the way that we interact with others. The fact that Solas has some suggestive humor, enjoys the power, intrigue, and sex permeating the events at Halamshiral, and the fact that he so passionately kisses his love are no indication that he is allo by default. Even if there was a sex scene, that still does not mean that he is not on the ace spectrum. (Although I’m really glad that there was not a sex scene because it is very nice for those who are sex averse to not have to see it).

Sometimes, asexual people end up in love with allosexual people. Those who aren’t averse, may choose to have sex with their partners because they care about them and know that it is important to them. Allosexual partners of an ace spec person may learn other ways of developing intimacy with their loved one because, you know, they love them. It’s all very intricate and very specific to each individual relationship and not something that can be swept over with a broad brush.

Perhaps you headcanon Solas as allosexual, and that is totally within your right to do so. However, to say that he “can’t” be ace spectrum is… a limited perspective. In my own personal headcanon, I imagine him to be demi, and so he would experience sexual attraction, but only to someone he felt a deep emotional connection with. I know others still who think he is completely ace, and all of these headcanons are completely possible for Solas (and a lot of other characters actually), considering the heterogeneity of the asexual spectrum.

TL;DR

- Love and romance comprise many complicated facets that are developed in different ways, at different times depending on the people and context.

- Sex is not required for romance to exist, though some romance does involve sex.

- Broad generalizations about the sexuality of a character based upon very limited information are never a good idea.

- It is narrow-minded to believe that a relationship cannot have as much weight without sex.

- It is incorrect to equate asexuality with prudishness, chastity, etc.

- It is totally okay for everyone to conceptualize Solavellan as they wish, whether it be asexual or otherwise.

- It is NOT okay to tell ace people that the relationship is not capable of being viewed as asexual or that Solas could not possibly be viewed as asexual. (Surprise, this shred of possible representation is very important to some people)

- This does not just apply to Solavellan. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, and/or would like any tips about writing asexual relationships/ characters, please feel free to hmu. My asks are always open and anons are always available. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, you all have been great.

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #solavellan #asexuality #romance #fandom critical #tw: sex mention #how many nasty comments will i get for this #the world will know in several hours

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starshipcaptainjojo · 4 years ago

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4 for the fics and 2 for the ships? Or 3 for the ships (if 2 has already been asked?)

:D This is the first fill I’ve gotten, so I’ll do ‘em all! Thanks! <3 <3 <3

Ships

2. What’s your NOTP? Or any other ship you hate?

Bruh the amount that I hate when Lan Wangji or Wei Wuxian are shipped with literally anyone other than each other is like... Astronomical. I will die on this Wangxian hill and I’m taking everyone down with me ya know? Been seeing an annoying NOTP trend with either one of them and Jiang Cheng and... Absolutely not.

I don’t care for Wen Ning or Jiang Cheng with anyone, honestly, because Jiang Cheng has to learn to love himself before he loves anyone else and Wen Ning... is a fierce corpse. Like. He has bigger fish to try. He’s as aro/ace as they come. I could accept Jiang Cheng in a relationship after he gets his shit together, but that boy is demi at BEST.

3. Other ships you like?

And now I’m gonna self-contradict. I fucking love Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing. I think they’re both grumpy lovable smarty pantses with brother issues and I think their brother issues would mesh perfectly together. Also Jiang Cheng drank ALL the respect women juice in CQL when she was around and I want him to keep chugging that forever. Basically they deserve love and I think they’re the only ones who could tolerate that much combined grumpiness. I support people accepting each other, flaws and all, and I think he’d bring out the soft side of her and she’d bring out the brave side of him and they both need that, lord knows.

Fics

4. AUs or canon-verse?

Do you consider canon-divergence an AU? Because if so I’m all about the AUs. In some fandoms I can’t stand AUs but in this one I have found a lot of super fun ones, but I always come back to canon-compliant or canon-divergent fics, because I love this world setting. I really enjoy how people take whatever their fav parts from every adaptation are and smoosh them together until they’re the best version of all of them. I’m about it. <3

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quinintheclouds · 5 years ago

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You know how in every show there’s That Character that’s so impossible to picture as NOT being LGBTQ+? Like every time you see them, you go “ah, my queer icon returns!”

That is... literally Every character in Camp Camp.

I mean, aside from a very small few side characters, every last one of them is THAT character. I can’t see any of them as not being queer <3 A lot of it is heavily implied or canon, too, but I just? It’s so clear in my mind...

Max: aroace

Neil: bi trans guy (look, trans neil is the hill I will die on, and bi Neil is practically canon)

Nikki: (smol but absolutely feral) lesbiab (canonically wlw but only shown interest in a girl so far)

David: pan and demi

Gwen: bi as hell

Nerris: nonbinary (also practically canon), demiromantic

Space Kid: ace kid, also enby/demiboy (remember when asked his gender and he went “Earthling!!” with his pure babey smile?) Also gay

Dolph: gay and ace

Preston: gay and genderfluid

Harrison: pan and ace

Ered: lesbian (and her dads are canonically gay too)

Snake: bi

Erin and Tabii (with two i’s) are ply and dating don’t @ me just watch the dance episode again

Nurf: well we know he’s dated guys and defended that (good job Nurf) so I’m just gonna say mlm

Jasper: the gay genderqueer ghost

It’s all so good

#please add on what your headcanons are for them bc how could these people be straight and cis?#camp camp characters #camp camp headcanon #queer headcanons #quinpost

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beholdyaourt · 6 years ago

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Top 5 podcasts/moments in podcasts/idk! Top 5 Spooky movies/books/tv shows! Top 5 late night weird article/Wikipedia rabbitholes!

Oh dear!!! This made me take a DIVE. The truth is I really only listen to one podcast (My Favorite Murder) but I do listen to it A Whole Lot so I can name five of my favorite moments from this year.

1. Karen’s description of Jodi Arias breaking into her ex-boyfriend’s home through his doggy door and being discovered hiding behind his Christmas tree:

“But also, the moment after - just think about that, where you’re hiding behind the guy you love’s Christmas tree, because he’s not dating you anymore, so you’re like ‘*sobbing* why doesn’t he love me?’ and then he’s like ‘Jodie?’ and then you’re like... ‘Heyyyyyyyyyy! Hiiiiii! Where’d you get this wrapping paper?’ Back out through the dog door. She only enters and exits his house through the dog door.”

2. Karen’s description of the story of the Lawson Family Murders being passed down through a country song which she and Georgia do a HYSTERICAL bit about. I can’t even do it justice through text, please listen:

“Oh, you want a lullaby? Oh, you can’t sleep, you want Mommy to sing you a song? Okay. ♪ ♪ THEY CAAAAAAAME FROM HEEE HAW HEE HAW HAWWWW ♪ ♪ ”

3. Karen and Georgia riffing on the creators (and guests) of the old Long Beach Carnival:

“They’re like ‘I like roller coasters, so I’m gonna build one, see! Right over the ocean!’”

“‘Insurance? We don’t need insurance!’”

“‘Don’t be crazy!’ More than a few drunken sailors who had gone down to the pier, because there’s lots of sailors stationed on Long Beach, ignored the ‘Do Not Stand Up’ sign.”

“And why wouldn’t you? It’s your day.”

“If it’s your day, and you wanna have fun your way, stand up on this insane roller coaster with no safety features whatsoever, and ♪ Die Die Die Die Die ♪ .”

4. Karen’s obviously spot-on impersonation of Typhoid Mary, with quotes like this in a thick Irish accent:

“Ach, I just need to stir this soup with my hand real quick.”

“Ach, who cares? Ach, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, there’s other things to worry about. There’s people starving in my country.”

5. Karen and Georgia going entirely off-the-rails from a murder, imagining what a town’s July 4th celebration is like, kindly animated below:

youtube

Now, spooky things I saw this year!!

1. The Haunting of Hill House (Netflix)

This has actually probably become one of my all-time favorite TV shows. I’m on my third watch now and I keep finding new things. I’m incredibly attached to (and defensive of) almost all of the characters, the actors are fabulous, the frequent monologues really appeal to the playwright in me, the spooks are spooky, the way the story is put together like a puzzle is straight-up inspiring, and some episodes are just plain triumphs of great filmmaking. I REALLY love this one and encourage everyone to watch it. Either alone, with some wine, or with me (and some wine). Give it some time to build and develop, because a lot of it is a BUMMER, and be familiar with the many triggers involved, but I firmly believe it’s worth watching.

2. Happy Death Day

On a VERY different end of the spectrum, here’s a 2017 movie that I don’t believe I actually saw until this year, and I have seen it a LOT this year. It’s absurd and so dumb at points and I love it unashamedly for the concept, the “mystery”, and the montage of deaths set to Demi Lovato’s “Confident”. Also the sequel looks rad.

3. Hereditary

This is a straight-up huge bummer and incredibly depressing but also an astoundingly well-made film with amazing performances and some scares that are a lot of fun to talk about with your friends afterwards. Fuck. This fucked me up and I don’t look forward to watching it again, but I can’t deny it’s really great. Not to mention it has some cult shit I can’t help but love.

4. Cabin in the Woods

I’d seen this movie pre-2018, but a midnight screening this year was my first time seeing it in theaters, so I’m counting it! I have petty beef with this movie’s ending, because I think Sigourney Weaver (all hail) defends her side a little too well - I don’t want the world to end!!! And I have a hard time remembering in the end that it’s not meant to be taken that seriously. But this movie is a joyride from start to almost-finish. It was a BLAST in theaters, and I do love the hell out of almost all of it.

5. Halloween

I haven’t seen the new movie yet! This is about the original John Carpenter film, which I saw for the first time this October and just rewatched tonight with my brother. It’s not all that exciting, but it helped cement a lot of horror tropes that I love-hate, and I LOVE yelling at characters in horror movies who have no idea that they’re doing something I consider unforgivably dumb. A+ to Jamie Lee Curtis, even though she should have stabbed Michael Myers many more times.

As for late night article/Wikipedia rabbit holes...

1. MAGDALENA SOLIS

what the fuck

2. Anne of Cleves

for a refreshing reminder that at least one of Henry VIII’s wives got off with a relatively sweet deal

3. The Plot of Every Final Destination Film

because i spend every evening reading the plots of horror films i tell myself i’ll never watch

4. Douglas Booth’s Instagram

this... does not count by any stretch of the imagination, but i’m making it count because it... did make up a fair portion of my 2018. keep working, douglas!!! please get a better filmography for me!!!!!

5. This Buzzfeed News Story About Horrific Abuse/Murder at Catholic Orphanages

fascinating but incredibly lengthy and depressing, explore at your own risk

Phew!!!! Happy 2019, everyone!!!!!

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blueboxesandtrafficcones · 6 years ago

Note

Fot the DW question: Human Nature/Family of Blood or The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit =)

Impossible Planet/Statan Pit

BECAUSE

Martha Deserved Better

I like Martha - I LOVE Rose

“I've seen a lot of this universe. I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods, and out of all that, out of that whole pantheon, if I believe in one thing, just one thing, I believe in her.”

That forehead kiss before he goes down...

When they literally run into each other’s arms at the end

How they burst into laughter at the beginning (If you think there’s gonna be trouble...)

“Yeah, but stuck with you, that's not so bad”

“We could always share a mortgage” ?!?! *heart eyes*

It’s a research base - they’re not exactly going to be expecting visitors, right? So they MAYBE have a spare room... what I’m saying is, THERE’S ONLY ONE BED. (I will die on this trope hill)

The “we're on a planet that shouldn't exist, under a black hole and no way out. Yeah, I've changed my mind. Start worrying about me” hug

Thanks!

#impossible planet #satan pit #make me choose meme #thetraciwho

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mackloveswriting · 6 years ago

Text

Prompts

I decided to go ahead and publish my prompt list. I will probably add more later but as of right now, these are what I have. I will always accept your own plot and everything like that.

1. "What do you mean, work with him?"

2. "Cookies? Your bribing me with cookies? I mean they're good but not that good."

3. "He's right behind me, isn't he?"

4. "I heard that!"

5. "Do you trust me?"

6. "You're insane!"

7. "It takes a very broken, twisted soul to do what you did."

8. "How long have you been standing there?"

9. "Shut up!"

10. "I thought you were my friend!"

11. "I'm in love with you. Don't you get it?"

12. "When did you become so smart?"

13. "I can't take you anywhere. You want to start fighting someone."

14. "Babe, stop looking at me like that."

15. "Oh, sorry I wasn't specific enough."

16. "Why are you glaring at me."

17. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!"

18. "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

19. "I hate you!"

20. "Right now, I don't know if I wanna kiss you or shove you off a bridge."

21. "I am way to sober for this."

22. "You love her don't you."

23. "I'd take a bullet for you."

24. "You're not as evil as people think you are."

25. "Are you sure I can't punch him in the face?"

26. "Was that suppose to hurt?"

27. "On a scale from one to ten, how bad do you think It would be if-"

28. "I made you breakfast, I know it's just a bowl of cereal but it's the only thing I can't burn."

29. "You scared me!"

30. "Did you just agree with me?"

31. "I never stood a chance, did I?"

32. "I worked so hard to be where I am now and I'm not going to let someone take that from me!"

33. "You think you're broken when you're just the bad guy."

34. "You don't remember?"

35. "I wanna cuddle."

36. "Do you love me?"

37. "Why did you have to drink so much?"

38. "He's not gonna hurt you. Not while I'm here."

39. "I'm sorry for being.. what I was before."

40. "You're a monster."

41. "I never wanna see you again!"

42. "Tell me you love me."

43. "Can I kiss you?"

44. "Stop asking permission."

45. "You're lying."

46. "Did you ever love me?"

47. "Be honest for once in your life."

48. "Can we make out?"

49. "I don't party."

50. "Why can't you respect that?"

51. "I'm just... not ready."

52. "I'm scared! Don't you get that?"

53. "He's not just a bad boy, he's a bad guy and I don't wanna be with the bad guy."

54. "So, that's a 'no'?"

55. "Get out!"

56. "I don't get why I'm to blame."

57. "You're a douchebag."

58. "I am here to protect you."

59. "That's not what an apology sounds like."

60. "Why would you love me?"

61. "You bug me, weirdo."

62. "You deserve better than me."

63. "I couldn't protect you."

64. "I don't want better than you! I want you."

65. "Because you might not like what you see and I can't lose you."

66. "This isn't my first time dealing with people like you."

67. "You're my drug."

68." He was worse than any drug."

69. "t's like a disease, it's like I'm infected by him."

70. "Are you doing drugs?"

71. "Ew, gross."

72. "I hate you so much!"

73. "I should hate you."

74. "No, you don't."

75. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

76. "Why do I have to love him?"

77. "Leave me alone!"

78. "You're a freaking monster! I hate you!"

79. "Are you serious right now?"

80. "Why did you cheat on me with my best friend?"

81. "I'm not pushing you away!"

82. "I'm afraid that if you see the real me, you won't like what you see."

83. "I spent the whole middle school trying to get rid of the real me."

84. "You're perfect."

85. "I'm in need of coffee."

86. "Can I sleep over?"

87. "Movie night?"

88. "I need you to need me back!"

89. "It doesn't matter, cause in the end it all hurts the same."

90. "I'm so in love with you and I can't do anything about it!'

91. "I've been trying to push down how I feel but it is impossible."

92. "I should hate you so much, but I can't bring myself to hate you."

93. "Can I try something?"

94. "You're such a freak!"

95. "I'm your freak." 96. "I know that deep down, below that cold dark exterior there is a actual human soul."

97. "I know that your bad boy image is just an act, you don't have to hide around me."

98. "I'm sorry, no one should go through that."

99. "But that's no excuse to what you did."

100. "I'll always be here for you, but I can't look at you the same."

101. "You need help!" 102. "Please!"

103. "I want to shout it from the rooftops."

104. "Why do we have to hide?"

105. "I don't like all the sneaking around."

106. "Are you ashamed of me?" 107. "I don' deserve you at all, I can't understand why you picked me."

108. "Why don't you love me like that?"

109. "I'm never the one."

110. "He doesn't love me like he loves her."

111. "Who did that to you?"

112. "Did he touch you?"

113. "Is that a bruise?"

114. "Did you get hurt?"

115."you got hurt because of me."

116. "I could never blame you because it was never your fault."

117. "We're the cutest."

118. "I think we're end game."

119. "I'm Pregnant."

120. "No one really likes you."

121. "You don't think that I'm adorable?"

122. "He has a big head already."

123. "There is no way you're a virgin."

124. "Can we do this again?"

125. "How stupid do they think I am?"

126. "There is no way that he didn't cheat, his ex could not sleep over without them having sex."

127. "I'm failing everything."

128. "Can we talk about us?"

129. "I have a surprise."

130. "I-I thought you were breaking up with me.."

131. "I would never hurt you."

132. "Did you think that I would hit you?"

133. "I wanted you t fight for me."

134. "Do not disrespect me."

135. "I know you're not that guy."

136. "You sleep around, and you expect me to believe that you love me?"

137. "I don't even know that person anymore."

138. "How can you throw everything away like it's nothing to you?"

139. "I need you to be safe and being with me does the exact opposite."

140. "You're way more experienced than me."

Song Prompts

Tell me you love me - Demi Lovato

Hurricane - Luke combs

Think of you - Chris Young

She didn't have time - Terri Clark

Because of you - Kelly Clarkson

Like I loved you - Brett Young

If it wasn't for me - Brieanna James

In case you didn’t know - Brett Young

Good Girls - 5sos

Amnesia - 5sos

She looks so perfect - 5sos

Here without you - 3 doors down

Never know - Why don't we

Nobody gotta know - Why don't we

Sad song - We the kings

Heartbreak story - The wanted

Marry me - Train

She's in love with the boy - Trisha Yearwood

All in my head - Tori Kelly

Meanwhile back at mama's - Tim McGraw

Like we never loved at all - Faith Hill

My heart is - Tiffany Alvord

Unforgettable - Thomas Rhett

Die a Happy man - Thomas Rhett

Not meant to be - Theory of a Deadman

You are in love - Taylor Swift

Clean - taylor swift

Wildest dreams - taylor swift

Cold as you - taylor swift

Enchanted - taylor swift

Mine - Taylor Swift

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift

End Game - Taylor Swift

Delicate - Taylor Swift

Stay - Sugarland

If you only knew - shinedown

The weight - Shawn Mendes

Life of the party - Shawn Mendes

Like I did - Shane Harper

Ghost of you - Selena Gomez

Bang Bang bang - Selena Gomez

Sober - Selena Gomez

My heart can't tell you no - Sara Evans

A little bit stronger - Sara Evans

Take your time - Sam Hunt

Make you miss me - Sam hunt

Cop car - Sam hunt

Mess this up - Ryan Robinette

Yours - Russell Dickerson

Going out like that - Reba McEntire

Consider me gone - Reba McEntire

Lonely Call - Raelynn

Perfect - One Direction

Does he know? - One Direction

You and I - One Direction

Love you goodbye - One Direction

Break up with him - Old Dominion

You and Me - Niall Horan

Slow Hands - Niall Horan

This Town - Niall Horan

To much to ask - Niall Horan

On the loose - Niall Horan

Whoever broke your heart - Murphy Elmore

Tin man - Miranda Lambert

Kerosene - Miranda Lambert

Like I'm gonna lose you - Meghan Trainer

Someone else calling you baby - Luke Bryan

Crash my party - Like Bryan

Back to you - Louis Tomlinson

Greatest love story - Lanco

Need you now - Lady Antebellum

Legends - kelsea Ballerini

Peter Pan - Kelsea Ballerini

Never again - Kelly Clarkson

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

The one that got away - Katy Perry

Used to love you sober - Kane Brown

Fall - Justin Bieber

The truth - Jason Aldean

Laughed until we cried - Jason Aldean

I got the boy - Jana Kramer

Why ya wanna - Jana Kramer

Shy - jai waetford

Getting over you - Jackie Lee

Personal - HRVY

I hate u, I love u - Olivia O'Brien

Out loud - Gabbie Hanna

Perfect - Ed sheeran

My girl - Dylan Scott

Human Diary - Daniel Bradberry

#prompt #imagines #dialogue #dialouge prompt #song prompt

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robininthelabyrinth · 7 years ago

Text

Coldflashwave Tortall AU 1/8

Fic: The Swiftest Course (Ao3) (Chapter 1/8)

Fandom: Flash, DC's Legends Pairing: Barry Allen/Leonard Snart/Mick Rory, Eddie Thawne/Iris West Summary:

Barry of Allen is on his way to the capital of Tortall for the final part of his knight training, hiding a secret that could threaten his career there. He's determined to keep his head down and not get into trouble.

He isn't expecting to meet Len, Corus' Rogue, or his right-hand man, Mick. Or meet Princess Iris and his new friends, Cisco and Caitlin.

He certainly wasn't expecting to be roped into adventure.

(It's the Gods' fault, really.)

A/N: For joyous-lee, who purchased one of my stories for the FandomTrumpsHate event. She requested a Tortall AU, with Barry as Alanna. Thank you so much for your patience, and I hope you enjoy it!

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There were three of them, and they were arguing.

One said, “We have reached a crossroad of fate once more. I have selected a champion to stand up for this country: a boy with a strong heart, a boy with faith and trust and love –”

“And what’s that going to get you?” cackled the second one. “A dead boy, that’s what! Lured to his death by a smile and a wink, I’m sure – no, for the country to be saved, we'll need stronger medicine than that, m’dear, and I’ve found myself a demigod, with power aplenty –”

The third rolled his eyes but remained silent – though perhaps with the hint of a smile.

“I will not send my champion unaided,” the first said coldly. “I will grant him great gifts to aid him – the swiftness of my heels, the strength of the great lightning –”

“Oh, well, that’s going to do it, I’m sure,” the second snapped. “My demi-god has power enough in himself and needs no more; I’ll send him an ally and advisor to catch him should things go ill –”

The third one makes a face that scarcely hides the amusement beneath.

“It is my boy that will save them,” the first one argued.

“It is my boy that will save them,” the second one claimed.

“I’m going to choose myself a champion,” the third one put in abruptly. “And he’ll be the one to save the world.”

The first two turned to stare at him in disbelief.

“You?” they chorused. “Don’t be absurd.”

“I’ll wager you on it,” the third one said, crossing his arms.

“I’ll take that bet,” the second one snapped.

“As will I,” murmured the first. “How could any chosen of yours ever compare to ours?”

“Oh, you'll see. I’ll find someone,” the third says with a smirk, “someone with cleverness, and wit, and luck – and I’ll have him win over both of your boys, and use them to save the country!”

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Len yawns and rolls out of bed before he’s even entirely awake, because you never know when someone is going to be trying to stab you.

Not that it would help him all that much. His bed has far finer protections than Len's clumsy maneuvers: Mick possesses that amazing ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat and stay asleep no matter how loud it is, but also to wake up fully and totally the second he’s actually needed.

Unless, of course, he’s aware that they’re both perfectly safe, in which case he’s as unmoveable as a stone.

Like, say, now.

“Get up,” Len calls over his shoulder, making a beeline towards the coffee and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Mick grumbles and curses Len’s parentage on his father’s side.

Len has no objections.

Still, by the time Len’s finished his coffee and gotten ready – washed up, clothing on, knives packed away and ready to be pulled out for convenient stabbing – Mick’s waiting for him by the door, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and Len wants to punch him because the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet. Accursed Carthaki import and its beguiling properties. Who was it that first let the merchants bring it in, anyway?

“C’mon, Lenny,” Mick says, opening the door for him. “We’ve got a nice, full day of stealing shit ahead of us. Can’t be late to work.”

Len can’t help but crack a smile. “You think you’re so funny,” he says, aiming for sarcasm but mostly coming out fond. Deciding to take Mick on as a partner was the best decision of his life to date. Back when they'd met, Mick – just a kid, back then, not the looming giant he’d grown into – was hanging around the city gates like he wasn’t sure if he should come in or not, but not gawking like most of the other country folk coming to the capital were.

Len has what is widely considered the world’s crappiest version of the Sight, which helps him identify things that will be relevant to him without any context (Enemy? Lover? Best friend? Person who will one day murder him?). He doesn’t get any of the useful versions, like lie-spotting or poison-detection, oh no, he just gets a feeling. Back then, he hadn’t even recognized that it was the Sight, just a tendency for hunches that served him well, but he’d taken one look at Mick with his cheap wool clothing and the boots that were falling apart on his feet and bee-lined over to make Mick’s acquaintance.

Turned out that Mick had walked all the way to Corus from who-knows-where he lived, which is just plain old ridiculous, and Len told him so, then bought him lunch with the wallet he’d just lifted.

Mick hasn’t left his side since.

Mick just smirks back. “Nah,” he says. “I ain’t funny, but you’re easy to please. Now get your ass moving, the Dancing Dove isn’t going to open itself, and the gangs are gonna want to know their boundary lines for the week.”

“I should have thought about all the administrative work before becoming the Rogue,” Len pretends to whine. “Never would’ve taken it on if I’d thought about it.”

“Sure, you would’ve,” Mick says peaceably. “You killed that man because of what he was doing to lil’ Sammy and you didn’t care or know who he was, and you were damn surprised when someone told you that you were the Rogue now.”

“Pity the only way to quit is to die…”

They’re about halfway to the Dove when Len runs straight into someone.

Unintentionally, for once; he’s so surprised by it that he doesn’t even lift the guy’s wallet.

“Sorry!” the kid chirps. He’s wearing some decent hose, but he’s got that wide-eyed "holy shit the city" look in his eyes – backcountry nobility of some sort, if Len’s got to guess. “Really sorry. I’m just – not the best with looking where I’m going. Which I’m going to have to work on. Plus directions. God, directions. Uh. Do you happen to know where the courts are?”

Asking for directions is a city-born’s one true weakness, the magic spell that causes every single one of them to stop whatever business they’re on and answer.

“Sure thing,” Len says, as susceptible as the rest of his kindred. “But which court are you looking for?”

“There’s more than one?”

Len laughs. “Yeah, kid,” he says. “There’s the courthouse, where the lawmen sit; the court proper, where you’ll find the king and his court; the court-adjacent, where they train the knights; and the court-university, where they train the Gifted. They’re all called the Courts.”

“And those are just the official courts,” Mick offers. “There are also the tennis courts, and the gaming courts –”

“Court Theatre,” Len says, smirking.

“Oh, man,” the kid groans, but he’s grinning, his eyes sparkling with enjoyment. “I’m going to get so lost, I can just tell! I need the one where the knights train.”

Len points him in the right direction. “Okay, so listen closely,” he instructs. “You go straight down this street to the big fountain, cut off left to the small street with all the curtains – you can’t miss it – go down the hill until you see the steps, next to the tavern with the horrifyingly red rooster on it – you really can’t miss that.”

“Street, fountain, left, hill,” the kid nods.

“You go up the steps until you hit the place with all the colorful houses – one of the nicest parts of the city, actually, can you believe that they’d been planning on mowing it down to make a big boulevard like they did with the center of town?”

“Rogue of that time stopped the bastards,” Mick agrees. “Good on him. We’d have lost three full neighborhoods to that nonsense. Who needs open roads in the middle of a city?”

“Tourists, that’s who, but we don’t run this city for ‘em. Anyway, once you see all the colorful houses, keep going straight until you get to the park. All the trees and whatnot. Right by the trees, there’s the first of said big boulevards in the middle of the way. Just plopped right into the middle of it all, tearing down perfectly good houses – it doesn’t fit at all with the rest of the area, so you really –”

“Can’t miss it?” the kid asks, because he’s apparently a bit of a smart ass. “Got it. Thanks!”

“Happy to help,” Len says, and then, entirely without his volition, says, “If you want someone to show you the city, you can find me anytime at the Dancing Dove – it’s an inn down four streets west of here, on Nipcopper Road. Have someone direct you there. Just come by any time.”

“I will!” the kid says, smiling right at Len. He’s got bright brown eyes, a mop of brown hair and a cheerful expression, and he’s basically the exact opposite of the sort of person that Len ought to be inviting down to the Dove. “My name’s Barry of Allen – well, it’s Bartholomew, technically, but who in their right mind would want to go by Bartholomew – uh, unless that’s your name –”

“Leonard,” Len says. “Call me Len – it’s better than Leonard – and this here’s Mick. Just ask for one of us by name.”

“I will! Thanks!”

With a wave, the kid disappears into the crowd.

“That was awful nice of you,” Mick observes, giving Len a slightly confused expression.

“Yeah,” Len says, blinking a little. “Awful nice.”

“Sight telling you he’ll be important?”

“I guess,” Len says, shrugging. “Could be just a whim. Whatever; if he’s headed for the court-adjacent, he’s to be a knight, and he’s not going to have time to come visit us anytime soon, so it’s not like it matters.”

“Whatever you say, boss,” Mick says, rolling his eyes and pulling a cheap fire-stone out of his pocket, the sort that are enchanted to light up in flame when you trace the rune on them – they’re mostly sold to help women start their kitchen fires, products of the university’s Gifted practicing their craft, but Mick’s always had a liking for them.

Then again, he likes anything when it comes to fire.

Len shakes his head and starts up again, nimbly avoiding the crowd. “You feeling hot tonight?” he asks. “I could set up something to need burning.”

“Nah, not yet,” Mick says. “But if there was a heist coming up that needed a fire…”

“There will be,” Len says, putting the whole business with the stranger – with Barry – out of his mind.

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Barry’s pleased to find that the directions the handsome man in blue had given him were both accurate and easy to follow (he was definitely not lying about the horrific shade of red of that rooster, gods above) and Barry makes it to the Court – uh, the Knight’s Court – in no time.

The court-adjacent, Len called it.

Man, if Barry had known that Corus had such pretty people, he would have…done exactly what he had done and waited until he’d completed basic knighthood training at the local training center near home before coming to the city at age eighteen.

It hadn’t been easy. Barry wasn’t particularly strong, particularly agile, particularly…anything, honestly.

Well.

He was fast.

But no one could ever know about that.

Barry sighs a little, remembering those terrible first few weeks when he was younger when it had first manifested, where he had to inch along because going faster than a crawl would result in a burst of super-speed, the experience of having to lie to his father for the first time, the agony of teaching himself how to slow back down…

If only the Gift didn’t automatically mean mandatory admittance to the mages university!

Apparently, back in Good King Jonathan and Queen Thayet’s day, you could be a knight and Gifted, like the Lioness - but that was nearly two centuries ago. Tortall’s mage universities had just been founded, for that matter, as a place for people to go to refine their Gifts; that was before the Gift had started specializing. People’s Gifts – just one type each, nowadays, rather than all-purpose – manifested in puberty, a reflection of how incredibly strong they were, and as soon as they manifested, they were shipped off to the City of the Gods for basic mage training, and mages weren’t allowed to become knights at all. Ever since Tortall had nearly been taken over in that awful war with the Magekiller that had decimated both their mages and their knights, knights were knights and mages were mages and that was that.

No. Barry was heading to Corus to become a knight, and that was final. Even if it meant hiding his speed for the rest of his life. Seven years of knighthood training at home, and the final year of intensive training in the capital, then appointment to the right position, maybe make a few good alliances with people who could stand up for him – then, and only then, would Barry consider revealing himself.

Honestly, Barry’s just happy that he hadn’t been shipped off to learn basic training in Corus the way it used to be when there were only a few dozen knights each year instead of an army of several thousands. He’d never have been able to hide it, and then zip, over to the City of the Gods he'd have gone.

But he decided very young that he was going to be a knight because as a knight, he gets to go to live in Corus.

He knows it’s a childish reason, but – he misses his mom.

Oh, sure, she writes often, every two weeks like clockwork. She visits once a season, if she can.

But the life of the King’s Spymaster isn’t an easy one – it’s not just spying but also diplomacy and foreign policy, and that means living in Corus. And though she loves her husband, Henry of Allen, very dearly, and her son no less dearly, that means she can’t live with them.

If Barry went to the City of Gods, he wouldn’t have even seen her the few seasons she went home. Mage training takes a lot longer than knighthood training: he wouldn’t have been sent to Corus, if ever, until he was halfway through his twenties, and that was assuming he was good enough to get into the mage university of Corus, the finest of the mage universities in all the land.

No, Barry’s going to become a knight, and make his family proud that way. Not as a Gifted mage, locked away in some room with a pile of books.

But first he needs to survive becoming a knight.

Correction: first he needs to find the right room and not be late.

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He’s late.

“I am so sorry,” Barry says apologetically.

The man in black at the head of the room sniffs. “I hope you won’t be making this a habit, Allen,” he says, and sweeps out.

“Did I miss the entire introduction?” Barry asks a pretty black girl plaintively.

She snickers. “Don’t mind old Darhk,” she says. “He’s the head of the mage university at Corus; he comes in just to sneer at us at the start of it.”

“Do we even do anything with the mage university? I thought it was a pretty strict segregation.”

“It is! The only thing we learn is magic theory so we know enough to recognize a problem on patrol, so we can call in a mage of the appropriate level to deal with it,” she says confidently.

“I guess they got tired of getting reports that said, ‘there’s a magic thingy, I think’ and it turns out to be swamp gas,” a boy about Barry’s age puts in. He’s short, with dark skin – though not as dark as the girl’s – and long dark hair that falls to his shoulders.

A third girl, sitting next to the boy, laughs. She’s pale and blond. “That happened in my district once,” she says, smiling a little, though she still seems nervous. “The magic thingy turned out to be a bullfrog.”

“That’s even better,” the boy exclaims.

Barry shakes his head. “I’m Barry of Allen,” he says. “You’re all here for knighthood training, right?”

“Yep,” the boy says. “I’m Cisco. Uh, short for Francisco. I’m one of the Ramons, from the coast.”

“Caitlin Snow,” the blonde girl says.

“Oh, are you from near the Scanran states?” the black girl asks.

Caitlin laughs. “What gave it away?” she jokes. “The blond or the name?”

“What’s your name?” Barry asks the black girl.

Cisco makes a small choking noise.

“What?” Barry asks, blinking.

“Ignore him,” the girl says, but she’s grinning. “It’s just been a while since anyone’s asked, that’s all. My name’s Iris.”

“Oh, cool,” Barry says. “Like the princess.”

“Uh, Barry,” Caitlin says. “This is the princess.”

Barry blinks, then twists to stare at her. “You are?”

She grins. “Yep. And I’m in your class, too.”

“Huh. Wow. Cool. Well, it’s nice to meet you. Is that why you know so much about how the training works?”

Iris starts laughing. “I like you,” she says, lightly punching his arm. “You didn’t make one stupid princess joke or start being all weird.”

Barry shrugs, grinning a bit. “My mom’s a courtier,” he tells her. “I ask her about court and she just goes on and on about how state dinners are the worst thing in existence, and everyone still has to attend them, so I think the shine’s sort of worn off.”

“They are the worst things in existence,” Iris says. “No lie. Which one’s your mom?”

“Nora of Allen –”

“The spymaster?” Cisco says, delighted.

“She’s awesome,” Iris gushes. “Like, amazing.”

“Yeah,” Barry says, beaming. “I know, right? I’m going to go see her when the introductory week is over; she’s out on tour till then. Well, I’m hoping to, anyway. I hope I didn’t miss anything important by being late today…”

“You definitely should,” Iris says. “And you didn’t; nothing’s happened yet. Besides, I can tell you most of what you’re going to hear, anyway; the knights division is run by a three-part system. Lord Wells is the overall head of the knights, but he's mostly involved in court stuff, or when we go to war. Captain Singh, the Lord Provost, manages the local patrols, inner-city and city vicinity, and that includes both the regular Guard and the knights that are assigned to the area. Lord Merlyn leads the outside patrols - missions to other countries, more unfamiliar areas, that sort of thing. His strike forces are very prestigious, since there’s so few chosen." She sighs. “Unfortunately, the system’s a bit lopsided at present – Singh’s internal patrols don’t have enough recruits, because Wells and Merlyn take them to the border, and as a result there’s more and more reliance on the informal patrols of the Rogue, and the quality of that can change rapidly, to say the least. It’d be better if we had more knights here in Corus.”

"Can't you do something?" Cisco asks. "If you're, well, the princess?"

Iris sighs. "My dad doesn't exactly listen to me," she says wryly. "He gave me the silent treatment for a month when I explained that I was going for my knighthood for real instead of just using all that training for self-defense I'll never use."

"Ouch," Caitlin says sympathetically. Barry can't even imagine his dad refusing to talk to him; usually, his dad is all about talking issues out for ungodly lengths of time.

"But our classes will be split between physical training - much more intense than what we're used to, or so people tell me - and our studies. And just a teensy portion of free time to keep us from going totally spare.”

"Can't wait," Barry says enthusiastically.

They all look at him.

"What?" he asks, only a little defensively. "We're one step closer to fighting the good fight, helping people. That's why we're here, right?"

Smiles spread on all of their faces. "Yeah," Cisco says, sitting up straight in his chair. "Yeah, you're right about that."

There's an awful screech of metal on stone, making Barry's shoulders shoot up to his ears. He turn to see what it was.

A frankly massive man, not too much older than Barry but something like twice the width, has turn his seat around to face them.

"You're naive, squirt," he says. "That fairy tale bullshit's centuries out of date. What do you think you are, the next Lioness?" He laughs nastily.

"Oh, shut up, Tony," Iris says. "Nobody asked for you input."

"No, I don't think I will," Tony says. "Not even for you, pretty princess." He blows a kiss at her.

Iris glares death at him and makes what even Barry can tell is a very rude gesture.

Tony smirks and leans back in his chair, smug and confident. “Where you from, little lion cub? Trebond?” he asks Barry.

“I’m from Allen,” Barry says stiffly. “Not that it’s important.”

“Oh, sure it is,” Tony says. “Explains it all, really. Allen’s backwater country. Infested with desert rats, I hear.”

“What in the world is wrong with you,” Iris snarls. “My dad and I are both Bazhir, you asshole! Your king, let me remind you!”

“I didn’t say anything about the Bazhir,” Tony says smugly. “You did.”

Iris fumes.

“You used a well-known slur,” Barry says. “It’s not our job to prove what you meant; it was clear enough what you said. Even someone from the backwater knows that.”

“Now listen here, you pipsqueak –”

There’s a loud throat-clearing from the front of the room and they all settle back into their seats, abashed.

"Don't worry," Tony hisses to Barry, and Barry really doesn't like the mean but satisfied look on his face. "I'm sure we'll have an opportunity to discuss it again soon."

Barry only has a day to wonder what Tony - apparently Tony Woodward, a courtier’s son - meant, since what he meant is that he'd volunteer to be Barry's partner in the physical training and then spend all day, every day, using his bulk and strength to beat Barry up and down the yard.

Great.

#coldflashwave #dccoldwave #westhawne #leonard snart #barry allen #mick rory #iris west #eddie thawne #cisco ramon #Caitlin snow #tony woodward #my fic #tortall

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junker-town · 6 years ago

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‘The Bachelor’ Recap: First kisses, abandoned islands, and so much yelling

Week 5 sends the love seekers to Thailand, and everyone loses their minds.

We here at SB Nation realize that “The Bachelor” is very much sports. Therefore, each week we’ll recap all the heartbreak, drama, and excitement.

WELCOME TO THAILAND! Colton and the ladies have moved from Singapore to Thailand this week, and we got our first super-extended shower scene.

This place is GORGEOUS. Onyeka likes the vibe “a lot better” because it’s by a beautiful beach and not just in crummy Singapore. Yuck, who likes stunning Singapore, amirite? Right out the gate, we get a date card, and it’s a one-on-one with Heather, who has never been kissed. She’s only kind of excited:

When you finally get a one-on-one #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/591G9DhKyU

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 5, 2019

She is super nervous, assuming she’s going to get her first kiss, which, come on girl, slow down. Your first kiss is a big deal, sure, but you are putting WAY too much pressure on it. It’s clear it’s all she could think about, and their conversation suffered as a result. Well, that’s what I’m going with, seeing as this happened at one point.

Colton: Those rocks...

Heather: Mhmm.

Colton: ...the greenery.

Heather: Yeah.

GRIPPING, STUFF, Y’ALL. After having a nice dinner, the duo chats about her dating history (more on that later), he gives her the rose, and they walk to the beach for fireworks and more unbelievably awkward chatter.

Meanwhile, Demi, Caelynn, Hannah B., Sydney, Tayshia, Kirpa, Onyeka, Nicole, Hannah G., Katie, and Elyse were called for the group date, leaving Elyse devastated. Sure, you want to go on dates, but sweetie, you already had a one-on-one. He’s not lapping the girls when SWEET, SWEET CASSIE HASN’T BEEN ON A ONE-ON-ONE.

Elyse ends up visiting Colton’s cabana, reaching a breaking point with sharing her man and decides to go home. Apparently, she’s never seen this show?

“Welcome to my YouTube channel” pic.twitter.com/LFMp92IGnj

— Colton Underwood (@colton) February 5, 2019

Vlogger Colton made a triumphant return this week, and make sure to swipe up to get 15 percent off that peach tank with code COLTON15. (Please don’t swipe, it’s not real.)

The now-10 group date ladies (down Elyse), head into the Thai jungle in an open-air jeep. They hike farther into the jungle and meet up with Joe, who is there to teach them to survive and thrive. Joe shows them where to find water, they eat some banana shoots, and it pours rain.

During the evening portion, we get some Onyeka-Nicole drama and Hannah B. gets the group date rose after she tells him that she’s, “falling in love with him.” (Ooooh, too soon girl.)

But whatever about all that because IT’S TIME FOR CASSIE’S DATE!!! Just stop the show right now, and let them get married. She obviously gets the rose on the date, because of course, they’re perfect together.

The cocktail party is basically just straight drama, but not even fun, exciting drama like Demi vs. Courtney. The Onyeka-Nicole beef that has been building reaches a boiling point with the pair yelling at each other. Colton excuses himself to get out of the awkward, and we don’t even get a rose ceremony. THIS IS BULLSHIT.

Hold @colton’s earrings #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/TeYYpK8FQw

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 5, 2019

Here are Week 5’s highlights:

Worst Greeting Move: The jumping leg wrap

This is the Bachelor hill I will die on. Why is this a thing? Do people actually do this in real life? I have never seen this happen in real life.

Luckily, my girl Cassie knows this isn’t the move.

Before I left, my mom gave me one piece of advice: no leg wraps... mission accomplished

— Cassie Randolph (@CassieRandolph) February 5, 2019

Most Unexplained Injury: Kirpa

Uh, what happened? I split my chin open in college when we had to do a wheelbarrow race inside a gym for an NROTC workout (it was raining and we improvised). My hand slipped and I had to get five stitches in my chin. I’m gonna guess that’s what happened here, too.

Justice for Kirpa's chin. #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/tf9BfeGdbA

— Kristen Baldwin (@KristenGBaldwin) February 5, 2019

Most Mind Blowing Dating History: Heather

This might be a bit of a layup considering we already knew Heather — a 23-year-old woman — had never been kissed. But, wow. For clarification up front, Heather has said that this wasn’t a choice that she’s made where she’s not kissing anyone until her wedding. Just ... hadn’t found the right frog to turn into a prince, I guess.

“I kind of dated casually, but not really,” Heather said of her high school days in the most confusing, unspecific statement.

She continues to say that when she was in college, she dated a guy for eight months. Reminder ... never been kissed. Like, OK, you make your choices, I get that. I respect the hell out of that. But how does that happen in college? She tells the story as though she just didn’t see herself with the guy and didn’t really like the guy, but her friends kind of encouraged her to keep giving it a shot. That’s even weirder. If you’re not making out with dudes because of a moral stance, got it, but if you’re not sure if you like the guy enough to KISS him, why are you spending eight months of your life on that?! How does that last for EIGHT months?

I guess the part that stands out the most is the fact that she’s known Colton for approximately a month, spent maybe three days with him, is competing with MULTIPLE other women, but is certain she’s ready to kiss him.

And kiss they did. Heather’s first kiss came on a beautiful beach in Thailand as fireworks went off, so that’s probably better than bumping teeth with some boy in the basement of your friend’s house at your first boy-girl party.

Well played, Heather.

Worst Understanding of What This All Is: Elyse

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN THE SHOW?

Elyse, struggling mightily with sharing her man with the other ladies, pays Colton a visit after he got back from his date with Heather. They chat in his villa, with her saying she wants the time and attention of a real relationship. But...it’s not a real relationship; it’s a competition dating show, where the prize is Colton. I’m not sure what she expected.

This is just infuriating at this point. Also, the editors made it look like she went to his place and they had sexy time, so well done, editors.

Me, to Elyse:

Elyse headed home in her way-too-gorgeous-dress-to-go-dump-someone-in, and poor Colton freaks out, thinking that this might be a precursor to the end of the show. What if he proposes but the woman he chooses isn’t ready?

Worst Date (Part 3): Jungle trip

LISTEN, BACHELOR. First, there was the group workout date. Last week, they brought out leeches. LEECHES, Y’ALL. This week? Nicole stuck her hand in a goddamn hole and pulled an eel out. This is exactly the moment I think they were referring to when the phrase, “I literally can’t even” was coined because, y’all, I literally can’t even.

To add to it, they had to eat grubs, and there was a snake, and NOPE.

BRB, trying to get the image of Nicole holding the eel out of my head.

Episode MVPs: Demi, Hannah, and Hannah

YES, LADIES. YES. As my uncle always used to say, You ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’. Instead of battling the elements and digging up grubs, Demi and the Hannahs take the open-air jeep back to the hotel and just enjoy some drinks.

So you don’t have to work harder #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/Y2GY9Mgej8

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 5, 2019

They brought champagne and burgers back, and they’re legends. They lost the mini-competition, but they’re goddamn legends.

Riskiest Choice: Onyeka tattling on Nicole

Look, Demi pulled it off earlier this season, but it’s nearly impossible to rat on another competitor for being in the house for the “wrong reasons” and come out smelling like roses. According to Onyeka, Elyse spilled some dirt on Nicole and her intentions before throwing up the deuces and rolling out.

Apparently, Nicole said she’s on the show because she’s looking for opportunities that will help her leave Miami.

Colton grabs Nicole to chat, confronting her with the newfound information. Mad respect to everyone this season for sharing their sources as Colton tells her that Onyeka tattled. Nicole is taken aback and promises that’s not remotely close to the truth, but it’s clear this information coming on the heels of Elyse leaving has rattled our sweet Bachelor.

Back in the group, Onyeka tells the other ladies what she shared with Colton. Tayshia was apparently in the room for the conversation ... and that’s not what was said. Turns out, Nicole only said that you have to take opportunities when they arise.

Wooooooweeeee. Maybe ask the woman in question next time.

Worst New Beef: Nicole and Onyeka

To continue on the above, NEW BEEF! This one stinks, if we’re being honest.

Beefs this season, ranked:

Demi vs. Courtney

Caelynn vs. Hannah B.

Onyeka vs. Nicole

Rather than apologize profusely and clear everything up, Onyeka maintains she wasn’t spreading rumors (just sharing what she was told!), and that Nicole isn’t a good fit anyway because she cries all the time. Lol, what?

At the cocktail party, Nicole turns the tables, telling Colton that Onyeka has been bullying and belittling her from the get-go. When Colton confronts Onyeka, she scoffs as he says “you don’t let her speak,” which, not the best reaction honestly.

This is all very exhausting, but the way to show that you’re not a bully is probably not to go immediately start talking down to that person and making them cry. It got so out of hand that they were yelling at each other within earshot of him, leading to Colton having to go over there and try and diffuse the situation.

BUT THEY DON’T STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER.

I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure the way to impress a guy you like isn’t to bicker with another woman loudly in front of him.

Best Couple Ever: Colton and Cassie

Look, y’all know this is a Cassie appreciation blog. Our queen FINALLY got the screen time she deserves, and Colton took her to a private island (which, had no trees and just two pieces of driftwood). I guess that’s, cool? I mean, a tree would be great, but all they’re doing is making out, so whatever.

Even the other women know they’re perfect together.

Colton and Cassie made out on the boat to the island, on the island, and in the water around the island. Look at these smitten kittens:

RT if you want to go to a deserted island with @colton #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/7vl1S014k6

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 5, 2019

During the night portion of the date, she opens the conversation about her sexual history because while he’s a virgin, she’s not and wants to address it. Colton says he owns who he is, and that he’d never ask her to be someone that she isn’t. Cassie’s concern over her extended family finding out that she’s not a virgin somehow makes her even more endearing.

They end up in bed together (?!), where they make out more but things stay PG-13. She obviously gets rose, because DUH.

Best Facial Expression: Caelynn

Nonsense drama was unfolding as Onyeka is yelling at Nicole, but thank goodness for Caelynn and her perfect facial expressions:

Tonight... #thebachelor pic.twitter.com/0q7nlFee4V

— Caelynn Miller-Keyes (@caelynnmk) February 4, 2019

Demi Quote of the Week

“This is really, really awkward.” —Demi, clearly enjoying the awkward. (It was a quiet weekend for my quote queen.)

Gone Too Soon

WE DON’T KNOW. THERE WAS NO ROSE CEREMONY!

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aidoru-ojisan · 8 years ago

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Hey guys! I hope you don’t mind me making a quick reviews/rants of Animes that have aired this season which are nearing their end, I’ll also give them a rating out of /10 to give you an idea of what I think about the Anime entairly (Please note there are some Anime I should have watched that aired this season but I didn’t so I can’t rate them) don’t take my ratings too seriously since those ratings are my opinion so... (Also you’ll notice my reviews will start becoming s**t posts since, well I have s**t sense of humor) Yeah, enjoy my bad taste~~~~

1. Fuuka - Well, you all probably know the Anime adaption decided to avoid being hit by a truck like the Manga did, yes I understand source material truly doesn’t matter when it comes down to adaptions, but not having the truckload of memes and tears majority of the Anime community would have made if the truck hit... Fukka gets a 5/10, the only thing good about it is the music and Koyuki. RIP, I can’t make my “Classic Fuuka vs. Dreamcast Fuuka vs. Modern Fuuka” meme because of the Anime... Would have gotten a 6/10 if it followed the Manga, sorry Suzuka fans, both versions of Fuuka aren’t worth what you all went through in Suzuka.

2. BanG Dream! - I’m honestly quite sad but not surprised to hear BanG Dream! isn’t doing too well in sells, I agree Bushi Road was a little too passionate about announcing how this Love Live! x K-ON!! mashup was the “band boom” that would take place over the “idol boom.” Sadly I agree that Bang Dream! is not the series that would engage the “band boom” that Bushi Road so desires. Music is decent, most characters are quite charming, plot is eh, basically nothing that would engage a “band boom” in the Anime community like how K-ON! did back in the day. I advise Bushi Road to create a more interesting series (yes, I know I prompt them and all Anime to make an Anime about Cute Anime girls in a Metal band, but I know for sure that would be WAY more intriguing than BanG Dream!) or just wait for the “Idol Boom” to die down, since we all know Idolm@ster and Love Live! ain’t gonna last forever. BanG Dream! gets a 5.5/10

3. One Room - I’ll be honest... I only picked this show up because of the girl who’s voiced by Mimori Suzuko (also because she has BOOBS) but seiyuu affection and lust aside, One Room is a nice 4 minute experience of a first person romance Anime that revolves around the silent MC (which is intended to be the viewer) and the respected girl the 4 episode arc the 3 of them individually get. (I don’t really care about the loli imouto) Is One Room a great “FPS Romance?” It’s good, good enough for me to give it a 6.5/10 because... “What a view!”

4. Gabriel Dropout! - The Opening song is way more chaotic than a Grind/Noisecore song AND I LIKE THAT (uh I prefer the Grind/Noisecore song but meh) Interesting OP aside, Gabriel Dropout! has got to be the most funniest and entertaining Anime of this season, wacky plot about JK angels and demons aside, the characters are the true charm of this show, each one perfectly compliments one another! The strict yet caring Vigne always nagging at Gab’s NEET ways, while the dorky future queen of hell Satania avoids becoming the plaything of the stalker who’s literally an angel, Raphiel! Let me be honest, I only picked up this show because of Satania, but I ended up falling in love with the wacky yet lovable personalities of the other characters and how every interaction they share no matter the scenario... 8/10, this show never ceases to make me laugh.

5. Konosuba S2 - I’ll be honest... I only kept watching Konosuba for Aqua’s booty, but hey Konosuba is and will always be an EXPLOSION!! of Anime comedy gold, good job DEEN 7.5/10

6. Kuzu no Honkai - This show sucks as much as Akane-sensei sucks, uh still a good show, showing how scummy humans can be (ECCHAN DID NOTHING WRONG) and also how lust affects relationships + “love.” 6.5/10, Hanabi sucks, so does Mugi and everyone else in this series (except twin tail girl and Ecchan), all of them are so scummy they make me feel better about myself.

7. Kobayashi-san chi no dragon maid - The Manga’s better, and even if I didn’t read the manga this adaption would still get 7.5/10 because Kyoani. Oh no, I’m so biased~~~ Yeah who cares, I’m an ass.

8. Idol Jihen - Too many cute idols, too much lack of good plot. 6/10

9. Urara Meirochou - 10/10, Anime of the year, best Anime ever made! You wanna know why? CAUSE BARE CUTE ANIME GIRL BELLIES!!!! (I swear this gets a 7/10 and this review is going down hill)

10. Seiren - Honestly if more doujins of this series are made 10/10, (Amagami ones will still be better tho) too bad this show is filled with too many weird fetishes and bad romance, 6/10

11. Minami Kamakura Koukou Joshi Jitensha-bu - Downgraded version of Long Riders! The stereotypical American Anime girl is the only good thing in this show. 5/10

12. Demi-chan wa Kataritai - OK, let me say something... I like this more than Monster Musume, yes I know I have s**t taste but hey... I rather have more meaningful story than some hot monster girls who want to f**k some guy, 8.5/10

13. Masumune-Kun no Revenge - This is arguably a better revenge story than Phantom Pain, only problem is, Masamune is so blind with revenge he doesn’t pick the best girl. Hey Masamune, Let Aki end up with your fatty faker so you can have more AMAZING BOOB PRESS SCENES with Neko! 7.5/10

Oh, all you think Gabriel Dropout! or Demi-chan is my pick for “Best Anime of Winter 2016/2017″ eh? Well... TOO BAD, IT’S URARA, CAUSE BARE CUTE ANIME GIRL BELLIES!!

Best Anime ever made

#yeah sorry I'm an ass with s**t taste lol #maybe Demi is my AOTS I dunno #anime #review #rating #MB Oji-san's rants

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thedesperatehousehusband · 5 years ago

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It’s the Super Bowel. Or Bowl....

It’s finally time for that most American of events. The Super Bowl. Pitting the Kansas City Chiefs against the San Francisco 49ers. I don’t really care who wins but Kansas City hasn’t played in a Super Bowl in 50 years so I’m rooting for them even though that Jimmy Garapolo is very, very, very attractive while Patrick Mahomes doesn’t do much for me.

Let’s talk pre-show. Yolanda Adams was lovely during America the Beautiful. Demi Lovato sang the shit out of the national anthem. She’s a talent and I like that she is very open and vulnerable about her issues and problems.

Shifting to commericals…..

· Secret – Let’s Fight Inequality. It’s strong. It works. I dig it.

· McDonald’s – All the favorite orders of celebs was great. Because who doesn’t love McDonald’s? If you don’t love McDonald’s, the commies win.

· NFL 100 – I don’t know if this was a spot or if this was a pre-game video but whatever it was it was amazing. 100% loved it. That kid who ran onto the field was the HAPPIEST kid in the W-O-R-L-D!

· Fast & Furious 9 – Who gives a fuck?

· Quibi – What is Quibi? That spot was heinous. What a fucking waste of money.

· Tide – The stains can wait. I don’t love it but I am appreciative of the pull through from P&G. It seems to be their Super Bowl thing. They’ve just focused on this idea that the stain can wait the whole game. I love Charlie Day and Emily Hampshire from Schitt’s Creek is a hoot but do people know who they are? I mean run of the mill Americans watching the Super Bowl. It feels a little niche with the casting.

· Wal-Mart Pickup – I hate to say it because Wal-Mart is the devil but that was a good spot.

· Black Widow – I’m into it plus it features Florence Pugh and after Little Women I am in love with her.

· Rocket Mortgage �� Clever, clever, clever. I like the Jason Momoa gag and closing with Lisa Bonet was an additional level of meta clever. Maybe too meta?

· Porsche – Terrible.

· Snickers – This is my favorite spot so far. Hilarious. Luis Guzman is a riot. A damn riot.

· Hulu with Tom Brady – Not today, Satan. Not today. What a douche.

· Mountain Dew Zero Sugar – If there’s no sugar, what’s in it? Crank? Mountain Dew is garbage. Regardless of Bryan Cranston and Tracee Ellis-Ross, that shit ain’t good.

· SquareSpace – Winona, MN. We’ve done this whole Fargo send up before. For like 20 years. I’d rather see jokes about Amy Klobuchar bringing a hot dish casserole to a fundraiser potluck.

· New York Life – I really was into this until it was for New York Life.

· Fanduel – Bullshit.

· Hyundai Sonata – John Krasinski, Rachel Dratch and Chris Evans ALL IN ONE PLACE. This is a close second to the Snickers commercial.

· Cheetos Popcorn – You can’t touch this. So, so, so smart and such a funny spot. New favorite.

· Olay Regernist – I want to like this one but it was silly AND heavy-handed. That’s hard to accomplish but not in a good way.

· Michelob Ultra – Gimme a break. They’re giving donations to organic farmers to grow shit for Mich Ultra? Lord….don’t pee off the roof and tell me it’s raining.

· Avocados from Mexico – Pretty funny and who doesn’t love a moment with Molly Ringwald? No one. Similar to McDonald’s, if you don’t like Molly Ringwald??? The commies win.

· Hard Rock Hotel – Ugh. What a waste of J. Lo and A-Rod. Why, oh, why did they have to bring in DJ Khalid? I just don’t understand why he’s a thing.

· Pringles – Rancid.

· TurboTax – I want to like this but I just don’t think I can. All people are tax people? I dunno. It’s not like anyone wants to pay taxes.

· Tide – Still with the laundry later. It’s a smart approach.

· Genesis SUV – John Legend and Chrissy Teigen are quickly become America’s couple, no? I liked it.

· Coca-Cola Energy – What’s up with Jonah Hill? He looks like shit on a shingle. Martin Scorsese looks fine and he’s nearly 80. The same cannot be said for Jonah Hill.

· Planter’s – I KNEW IT. I knew the death of Mr. Peanut was a part of something else. Super, super smart. Not sure it’s worth the investment or whether or not it will drive sales but VERY smart.

· James Bond No Time to Die – Like Black Widow, I’m into it.

· Google – Fuck me. That poor man trying to remember Loretta. We sobbed.

· Sabra Hummus – This is how I mus? I don’t think so.

· Verizon – Awful.

· Pop Tarts – Jonathan Van Ness hawking Pop Tarts? I don’t get the connection.

· Hummer – An electric Hummer? If I had a dollar……

· Minions: The Rise of Gru – I’m NOT into it.

· Saint Archer – What the fuck?

· Wal-Mart – The pickup spot was waaaay better. Thank god. I though Wal-Mart was stepping up their marketing. They are not. Still crap.

Halftime show. Folks, I’ve had a on again, off again relationship with J. Lo. Right now, it’s on again. I am really digging her at the moment. Not sure that Shakira actually sang a note but whatevs. It was a solid show with the emphasis on the show. No one is expecting to witness a “Grammy” moment at the Super Bowl. Just do your hits. Bring the fireworks and wheel the set off the field.

This game is actually quite good.

· Sodastream – Mars Water or Mark’s Water? Funny shit.

· Hunter’s on Amazon Prime – Ummmmmm. What is this show? We’s a-gonna be watching that. Holy shit.

· Pepsi Zero Sugar – You know what’s stupid? Pepsi invoking Coke colors and iconography. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

· Heinz – Pretty OK.

· Bud Light Seltzer – Post Malone is probably the right spokesperson for this particular product but it sure doesn’t speak to me.

· Little Caesar’s – Meh.

· Doritos – No.

· Kia – Not terrible. Not great. Not the reaction you want after dropping 4 million for 30 seconds.

· Turkish Airlines – Pretty smart but where can you actually find Turkish Airlines in the US? New York, Atlanta, Chicago? Where else? I’m not ever getting onto a Turkish Airlines plane from Indy.

· Reese’s Take 5 – I really enjoyed this spot. Funny stuff.

· Tide – Now with Wonder Woman and Charlie Day. It’s a solid campaign.

· Alexa – Good stuff with Ellen and Portia. Do you think that everyone understands they’re married? I still wonder if Linda, Donna and Brenda from middle America actually get that they’re a couple and not just friends.

· Michelob Ultra – The Jimmy Fallon and John Cena spot was pretty funny.

· Xfinity – Terrible.

· Nissan Rogue – This is not a new spot. I’ve already seen it. Don’t waste our time on old creative. So stupid.

· Toyota Highlander – I wanted to like it but it was just too much.

· Disney+ - All this new Marvel content makes me a little excited.

· Discover No then Yes – I didn’t hate it but you kind of need to be paying attention. It happened quickly.

· T-Mobile – Anthony Anderson’s real-life Mama. In the club. With cell service. Not bad but also a bit of cheap joke.

· Budweiser – Typical American. Cheap.

· P&G – Why?

· Microsoft – This is how you extend your creative. They introduced their Katie Sowers spots a few weeks and NOW they’ve cut something new and made it about the Super Bowl. Solid.

· Jeep Rubicon – SMARTEST AD IN THE SUPER BOWL. Loved it. Billy Murry reenacting Groundhog Day the movie on Groundhog Day the DAY to drive a Jeep over and over? Inspired.

· Tide – We’ve wrapped it up with a clean shirt, everyone’s older and now with a dirty sweater. What started as not my favorite has turned into a solid outing by Tide.

· Audi – So stupid. What the fuck was even happening?

Side note. Kyle Shanahan is 40. He also knows how to rock a hat. Hubba hubba. Also, this game continues to be quite exciting.

Great job, Chiefs! Fun, fun game.

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brittanyyoungblog · 6 years ago

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74 Break Up Lyrics for Your Saddest and Strongest Moments

Breakups can do something odd to you. Even though they’re a common enough occurrence and most, if not all, of us have experienced multiple breakups in our lifetime, each one feels new and different. If, like Tostoy says, happy families are all alike and every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way, then perhaps all happy couples are alike and every unhappy couple is unhappy in their own way.

This is why every breakup feels so different. Because they are. During some you may feel elated and free, others may leave you feeling lost and untethered, while others leave you feeling a sort of grief—a loss for what you had and what was. And when you’re feeling this way it often helps to hear of other’s experiences and to see your pain and feelings (even if it’s just confusing) reflected in their words.

To help you through your breakup and to give you some words you can relate to, we compiled a list of over 70 breakup lyrics from various breakup songs. From the bittersweet and reflective to strong and generous, you’ll find a variety of lyrics from different artists to help you get through your own breakup. And hopefully move on to something stronger.

I don’t know why I cry But I think it’s ’cause I remembered for the first time Since I hated you That I used to love you – Used to Love You, Gwen Stefani

I keep letting you back in How can I explain myself? As painful as this thing has been I just can’t be with no one else. – Ex Factor, Lauren Hill

Didn’t I make you feel Like you were the only man? Didn’t I give you everything A woman possibly can? Honey, you know I did. – Piece of My Heart, Janis Joplin

Oh, you made me want you You made me need you You made me tumble and fall But if I can’t have you The way I want you I don’t want you at all. – That’s It, I Quit, I’m Moving On, Sam Cooke

Every second I’m with you I get increasingly sick and I stop thinking quick And I act like a dick, like a dick, like a dick And all the money I spend is my money again I’ll understand what is said when I’m out with my friends And at the end of the night Baby, I’m’a gon’ drive ’em home – I Don’t Love You Anymore, Bomb the Music Industry!

He called me baby, baby All night long. Lord, I feel so empty Since he’s been gone. Now I lie here and I die here Until the dawn. I miss my baby, baby, baby All night long. – He Called Me Baby, Candi Stanton

Dude I’m so over you You don’t even have a clue All you did was make me blue You didn’t even make me, come on! – Come On, Lucinda Williams

Now baby girl have dumped me She no longer wants me I’m no longer hired She says that I’ve been fired On to the next one More fish in the sea Girls are like buses Miss one, Next 15 one comin’ – Break Up, Mario

I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind You could have done better but I don’t mind You just kinda wasted my precious time But don’t think twice, it’s all right – Don’t Think Twice, Bob Dylan

One taught me love One taught me patience And one taught me pain Now, I’m so amazing – thank u, next, Ariana Grande

If only there could be Another way to do this ‘Cause it feels like murder To put your heart through this I know I always said That I could never hurt you Well, this is the very, very last time I’m ever going to – Eventually, Tame Impala

It was hard to love a man like you Goodbye was half the words you knew While you was waiting for me not to call I sent my love, I sent my love. – Hard to Love a Man, Magnolia Electric Co.

There’s been some things that I wanted to say a long time Never have I spent a day without you on my mind And I’ve tried a lotta songs and I need to try one that’s new But I don’t have anymore love songs to try on you. – (I Don’t Have) Anymore Love Songs, Hank Williams, Jr.

Watch the steps Get a drink, have a good time now Welcome to paradise, paradise, paradise Since I left you I found the world so new – Since I Left You, The Avalanches

I’m sorry for honesty, I could not bear To lie to you To lie with you I’m sorry for honesty, I’m well aware I lie to you When I lie with you You Don’t do it for me anymore – You Don’t Do It for Me Anymore, Demi Lovato

Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. – Goodbye My Lover, James Blunt

You want to jump and dance, but you sat on your hands And lost your only chance Go back to your hometown, get your feet on the ground And stop floating around – Gone for Good, The Shins

Since he left my life’s so empty Though I try to forget it just can’t be done Each time the doorbell rings I still run. – One Less Bell to Answer, The 5th Dimension

I follow you down until the sound Of my voice will haunt you (Give me just a chance) You’ll never get away from the sound Of the woman who loves you (Was I just a fool) – Silver Springs, Fleetwood Mac

After all of the stealing and cheating you probably think that I hold resentment for you But uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong ‘Cause if it wasn’t for all that you tried to do, I wouldn’t know Just how capable I am to pull through So I want to say thank you – Fighter, Christina Aguilera

This is the last song that I write while still in love with you This is the last song that I write while you’re even on my mind ’cause it’s time to leave those feelings behind. – Blue Skies, Noah and the Whale

The scars of your love remind me of us They keep me thinking that we almost had it all. The scars of your love they leave me breathless, I can’t help feeling, we could have had it all. – Rolling in the Deep, Adele

You don’t wanna give and you don’t wanna know how If you were gonna change things, you would’ve by now When were you around? Where were you at? Trying not think about it, baby Running up and down the stairs ‘Til there’s nothing left between us but what we won’t say Walking away, walking away, walking away – Walking Away, HAIM

(I gotta shake you off) ‘Cause the loving ain’t the same and you keep on playing games Like you know I’m here to stay (I gotta shake, shake you off) – Shake It Off, Mariah Carey

I wanna hear your band; I wanna give it advice; I wanna meet your girlfriend, she sounds nice; I wanna take you home; I wanna feel my age; I wanna freak you out on a different stage; I wanna show my teeth; I wanna keep you fed; I wanna get you drunk and let it go to your head So I guess this means we can’t be friends. – We Can’t Be Friends, Loren Scafaria

Before this river Becomes an ocean Before you throw my heart back on the floor Oh baby I reconsider My foolish notion Well I need someone to hold me But I wait for something more Yes I’ve gotta have faith – Faith, George Michael

And every time I’ve held a rose It seems I only felt the thorns And so it goes, and so it goes And so will you soon I suppose – And So It Goes, Billie Joel

Have a seat, have a drink, tell the jury what you think Was I good to you? Was it hell, was it fun, did you think I was the one Was I glued to you? Now that I found someone who makes me wanna live Does that make my leaving harder to forgive? – How to Forget, Jason Isbell

I would rather, I would rather go blind boy Than to see you, walk away from me child. So you see, I love you so much That I don’t want to watch you leave me baby. Most of all, I just don’t, I just don’t want to be free. – I’d Rather Go Blind, Etta James

Show me something, all or nothing You keep on changing your mind I can’t chase it, I can’t take it Only a matter of time ‘Til you’re crawling on your knees Begging pretty please You think it’s funny keeping me wanting And that’s why (I really fucking hate you) – Hate You, Kate Nash

Please don’t say you love me Leave me, don’t fuck with my mind Try to understand like you’re a good friend of mine Cause I’m doing fine, yes I am I’m doing… – Doin Fine, The Heavy

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading So sick and tired of all the needless beating But baby when they knock you Down and out It’s where you oughta stay – I Don’t Love You, My Chemical Romance

Sunshine, blue skies, please go away A girl has found another and gone away With her went my future, my life is filled with gloom So day after day I stay locked up in my room I know to you, it might sound strange But I wish it would rain. – I Wish It Would Rain, The Temptations

In my life Why do I give valuable time To people who don’t care if I live or die? – Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now, The Smiths

Now I’m feeling how I should, never knew single could feel this good, oh Stop playing miss understood, back in the game, who knew I would, oh So flex how I spread my wings, loving myself makes me wanna sing, oh Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah – Ridin’ Solo, Jason Derulo

As I walk this land with broken dreams I have visions of many things But happiness is just an illusion Filled with sadness and confusion. – What Becomes of the Brokenhearted, Jimmy Ruffin

Now oh so easily you’re over me Gone is love It’s me that ought to be moving on You’re not adorable I want something unignorable – Shut Up and Let Me Go, The Ting Tings

Ever since I met you my life’s been a song A sad song, a love song with hate in between – Sound of Your Memory, Willie and Lukas Nelson

Oh, how am I gonna get over you? I’ll be alright, just not tonight Someday, hey oh, I wish you’d want me to stay I’ll be alright, just not tonight – Gonna Get Over You, Sara Bareilles

Loving you Isn’t the right thing to do How can I ever change things That I feel If I could Maybe I’d give you my world How can I When you won’t take it from me – Go Your Own Way, Fleetwood Mac

But If you loved me Why did you leave me Take my body Take my body All I want is All I need is To find somebody I’ll find somebody – All I Want, Kodaline

No more I love you’s The language is leaving me No more I love you’s The language is leaving me in silence No more I love you’s Changes are shifting Outside the words – No More “I Love You’s”, Annie Lennox

There’s a scar on my soul So let me down easy Break my heat sweetly Like you always do. – Break My Heart Sweetly, John Moreland

Drowning in my coffee To wash the alcohol Out my bloodstream Sitting here I wonder If we hadn’t been at all Who would I be? – Getting Over You, Lauv

I was all right for awhile I could smile for awhile But I saw you last night You held my hand so tight As you stopped to say, Hello – Crying, Roy Orbison

Cut the cord Is that a man I once adored? He’s nothing but an albatross No great loss Doublecrosser – Forget About the Boy, from Thoroughly Modern Millie

And you got away, didn’t you babe, You just turned your back on the crowd You got away, I never once heard you say, I need you, I don’t need you I need you, I don’t need you And all of that jiving around – Chelsea Hotel #2, Leonard Cohen

Sometimes I wake up crying at night And sometimes I scream out your name What right does she have to take you away When for so long you were mine – You Were Mine, Dixie Chicks

Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday. – Yesterday, The Beatles

Don’t call me up I’m going out tonight Feeling good now you’re outta my life Don’t wanna talk about us Gotta leave it behind One drink and you’re outta my mind – Don’t Call Me Up, Mabel

You want me to act like we’ve never kissed You want me to forget Pretend we’ve never met. And I’ve tried and I’ve tried But I haven’t yet. – I Fall to Pieces, Patsy Cline

The judges will decide The likes of me abide Spectators of the show Always staying low The game is on again A lover or a friend A big thing or a small The winner takes it all. – The Winner Takes It All, ABBA

I won’t die this way, got a broken heart ’bout ready to escape and a mouth full of bitterness I can taste it still I wonder if you hate me now – Glendale, Clans

And don’t call me up at 3 in the morning If she didn’t pick up and I’m your second choice ‘Cause I know you’re drunk, your love is a hoax And I hate the fact that I still recognize your voice – Darling Don’t, Silver

But since you been gone I can breathe for the first time I’m so moving on Yeah, yeah Thanks to you Now I get what I want Since you been gone – Since U Been Gone, Kelly Clarkson

Feel so restless, I am, Beat my head against a pole Try to knock some sense, down in my bones. – You Can’t Put Your Arms Around a Memory, Johnny Thunders

I remember you telling me, that you would love me and treat me tenderly. But all you’ve ever given is just plain misery. – To Hear You Say You’re Mine, Candi Staton

Well, I learned that I don’t need you And I don’t need you around ‘Cause I’ve found somebody new, somebody new I said I learned that I do not need you I don’t want you around Like I said, I’ve found somebody new – I Don’t Need You Around, Jackie Wilson

You’re on a different road, I’m in the milky way You want me down on earth, but I am up in space You’re so damn hard to please, we gotta kill this switch You’re from the 70’s, but I’m a 90’s bitch I love it, I love it – I Love It, Icona Pop

Maybe the darkness of the hour Makes me seem lonelier than I am, But over the darkness I have no power, Hope she’ll be happier with him. – Hope She’ll Be Happier, Bill Withers

Moving without you, moving without you Loving without you, loving without you Happy without you, happy without you, happy without you Better without you, better without you, better without you – Better Without You, Kelly Rowland

Now laughing friends deride Tears I cannot hide So I smile and say When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes. – Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, The Platters

I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It’s personal, myself and I We’ve got some straightenin’ out to do – Big Girls Don’t Cry, Fergie

I got no place left to turn I got nothin’ left to burn Don’t know if I saw you if I would kiss you or kill you It probably wouldn’t matter to you anyhow – Standing In the Doorway, Bob Dylan

It must have been love but it’s over now It must have been good but I lost it somehow – It Must Have Been Love, Roxette

If the phone doesn’t ring You’ll know that it’s me I’ll be out in the eye of the storm If the phone doesn’t ring You’ll know that I’ll be Where someone can make me feel warm It’s too bad we can’t turn And live in the past – If the Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me, Jimmy Buffett

He walks away The sun goes down He takes the day, but I’m grown And in your way In this blue shade My tears dry on their own – Tears Try on Their Own, Amy Winehouse

I got it bad I think you know You’re everything, you’re beautiful But my life is fast, can’t make it slow We’re here right now Kiss me before I go, but you got to let me go – Bet Ain’t Worth the Hand, Leon Bridges

When I’m not drinking bay, you are on my mind. When I’m not sleeping you know you’ll find me crying. – Lover You Should’ve Come Over, Jackson C. Frank

And I’m done hoping That we could work it out I’m done with how it feels, Spinning my wheels Letting you drag my heart around And, oh, I’m done thinking You could ever change I know my heart will never be the same But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger – A Little Bit Stronger, Sara Evans

And the grass it was a ticking And the sun was on the rise I never felt so wicked As when I willed our love to die And I was your silver lining as the story goes I was your silver lining but now I’m gold Hooray hooray I’m your silver lining Hooray hooray but now I’m gold – Silver Lining, Rilo Kiley

You roll out of bed and down on your knees And for a moment you can hardly breathe Wondering was she really here Is she standing in my room? No, she’s not ‘Cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone. – Dreaming with a Broken Heart, John Mayer

Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? Who’s gonna rock you when the sun won’t let you sleep? Who’s waking up to drive you home when you’re drunk and all alone? Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? It ain’t me – It Aint Me, Kygo and Selena Gomez

We use to kiss all night but now there’s just no use I don’t know why I fight it, clearly we are through Tell me the truth boy, am I losing you for good? – Losing You, Solange

‘Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell I had to learn how to fight for myself And we both know all the truth I could tell I’ll just say this is “I wish you farewell” I hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’ I hope your soul is changin’, changin’ I hope you find your peace Falling on your knees, prayin’ – Praying, Kesha

The post 74 Break Up Lyrics for Your Saddest and Strongest Moments appeared first on The Date Mix.

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coffeecupandteatime · 7 years ago

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Obscure Review #6

It’s time to spork fics and ruin lives.

Ahhhhh, it’s that time of the year again, when the summer air is crisp, and we’re all stuck inside reading reviews on awful fanfics. ʕಠᴥಠʔ My mother always said I had no life.

I haven’t had a life since I found the internet.

Yes we know that Coffee.

None of us have had lives since the internet. Let’s just put that out there now.

You make a compelling point sir. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ Now shall we begin the shitstorm?

Shit parade is a better description.

As usual, we will be offensive. Don’t take this personally.

Hey … I'm sorry I haven't updated in forever. I kind of helped my sister have a party at our house and it went really wild.

Suuuuuure you did pal. Ya sure you weren’t just thinking of quitting? Cos I’m sure many people would love that. ʕ° ͟ل͜ ͡°ʔ

My parents came home the next morning and we got grounded for having alcohol at the party. At the party, some stupid kids broke some of my mom's porcelain dolls and the vase that contained my grandmother's ashes was also broken. So not only did my sister get grounded for a year, but I, who wasn't even at the party got grounded as well.

OBJECTION! That’s a contradiction! You just stated “it went really wild”, implying you were there! *slams hands on desk* Isn’t that right?!

What the fuck? Who gets mad over porcelain dolls breaking? Those things are creepy as hell. Also she HELPED her sister have the party so there’s that too.

Avid collectors get mad and not to mention her grandma’s ashes were spilled all over the floor.

I’d be a little mad if someone busted the vase with grandma’s ashes.

I understand that part, just not the dolls.

And that's why I haven't updated. No laptop, TV, Ipod, phone, DS, and no Hot Cheetos or Starbucks!

You sound oh so very stereotypically white right now.

“OH NO! Things I can totally live without but depend on!”

Ouch. Right in the entitlements…

I’m sure none of those things wanted to be associated with you.

My mom also signed me up for ballet. So guess what I spent my time doing after school and during the summer.

Come on kid, ballet isn’t bad, it’s fun once you get past the clumsiness.

Anyway, now I have some of my freedom back. Before I quit ballet, I stuck the finger to the evil teacher and walked out of there like a boss! Yeah... no.

That would get you another month of grounding if you were my child.

Much worse would happen to her if that were my spawn.

I’m not having kids if they're always like this brat.

That would be extremely rude.

You say as if you cared.

I’m sure she does Coff.

Yeah, no she doesn’t.

And another reason I haven't updated was because Katherine's story takes place after the whole war with the giants and I didn't know if the camps were going to come together and change the name or something like that.

Oh, good. Then I take back my previous comment. She’s still a special-snowflake (bitch) daughter of Poseidon, but at least she’s not fucking up the prophecy. She’s just gonna fuck everything else up.

The daughter of Poseidemort who ran over a MINOTAUR and uses the knife game to punish her brother.

Special snowflakes galore.

MY MAMA SAYS I’M SPECIAL!

So when the book came out, I read it but I couldn't start writing a chapter. Well, here's the fourth chapter. Oh wait, remember how in the first chapter it say winter? Well I'm changing it to the summer

‘Scuse me? You’re just gonna… change the a fairly major element of the story with an author’s note? Instead of, y’know, editing???

And why not just keep it going and be lazy and call it an ‘AU’? Anyone can do that.

That would be too much effort, that’s why.

I sighed. It had been a week since we left the house. So many of those… things had come after us.

What things? You mean monsters?

What monsters? We never saw anything except the Minotaur which was run over and never heard from again.

Clearly we’re running from he must not be named.

Poseidemort

That old lady that had grown wings,

WHAT OLD LADY? Is there something happening off-screen we don’t know about??

All we ever got about the FURY was a SINGLE screech.

Just gonna dump her in here apparently.

the man/animal that had horns and was unbelievably strong,

Which was never shown, because they flattened it with a car.

Correction, attempted to flatten it with a car. It didn’t die and didn’t try to kill them although they sat on top of it for like 5 minutes.

What man/animal with horns? You know how many monsters fit that description? ʕಠ益ಠʔ

and that weird big hairless dog.

Please stop acting like we actually saw any of this.

I thought hellhounds had fur tho.

They do but she clearly doesn’t know her Greek monsters.

ʕಠ益ಠʔ That makes me angry.

It’s fine! Because we never saw this at all in context with the story.

My mom had names for them. That old lady with the wings was a fury, the man/animal thing with horns was a minotaur And the big dog thing is a hellhound.

A hellhound isn’t hairless you fop.

This could have been put into the previous sentence but instead you continue to waste my time with your unneeded prose.

That’d be too easy.

My mom had always wanted us to get into the whole Greek and Roman myths about the gods. Never really sparked my interest. But my mom did make me take Latin. I hated it but I put up with it for her.

I’m sorry, WHAT?!? You’re a Greek demi-twit, you should be learning, guess what, GREEK!

Latin is not Greek.

Plot twist: MC isn’t a Demigod, she was adopted and Angel’s the true Demigod.

The only twist I would gladly accept.

So anyway, we have traveled from Beverly Hills to New York in a week in a would have been here earlier but we spent a whole day shopping for clothes.

“We’re being chased by monsters, but that’s okay! We can spend an entire day shopping without incident! Hooray, materialism!”

Lord forbid shopping gets compromised. ʕಠ益ಠʔ

Shoes, pants, a backpack for each of us, lady things, shirts, sweaters and jackets, underwear, tank tops, socks etc.

Yet you wasted time to compile a shortlist of the shit you bought. You could just say you bought the essentials.

We’re off to a good start…

Lady things, yet you have underwear separately. ʕಠᴥಠʔ╭∩╮cool.

Um, do I have to explain what lady things are Jager?

Well if MC can try to get her brother and friend to basically fuck, ‘lady things’ shouldn’t be that bad. Just saying.

I’m surprised you don’t know already.

We stopped by hotels every morning to shower. That's why we took so long.

In the previous sentence you mentioned wasting an entire day shopping. I’m pretty confident that it contributed.

Tea, the author has no concept of time.

But now we're here. Sitting in a Starbucks. Sipping our frappuccinos as my mom babbles on and on about this camp.

I’m starting to sense a pattern with you....

Is urgency lost on you? Whatever is chasing you, I hope it smashes you into bloody paste leaving Angel alive to arrive at camp so we don’t have to deal with your drivel.

Apparently it is. ʕಠᴥಠʔ

Camp Half-Blood or something.

Good to know you’re paying attention to this crucial information concerning your safety and well-being.

I’m surprised she hasn’t tried getting Emily to hook up with the monsters to distract them.

She probably would if she thought it would let them live.

Gonna get that big ol’ Minotaur horn if ya know what I mean C;

I don’t.

Ahh, innocent Coffee. You’ll figure it out when you’re older.

This is about as old as I’m gonna get.

It's dark as we leave the cozy coffee shop. I instantly miss the smell of caffeine.

How the hell can you smell caffeine?

ʕ.ᴥ.ʔ Welp. The power of being a Sue lets you smell the impossible.

I don’t have enough caffeine in my system to deal with this shit.

That’s like saying I can smell yeast before it ferments.

As we make our way to the car, I notice a huge black cloud in the sky. I can see light flash inside it. Lightning.

Thanks Captain Obvious!

You act like you’ve never seen a storm before. Oh and we are once again copying Percy’s how-I-got-here story.

She probably hasn’t since her life was so ‘perfect’ before.

I open my mouth to-

Spout more idiotic bullshit? Bitch about Angel?

tell them about the cloud when Emily looks up at me. I know she noticed it. She's probably gonna end up clutching my side halfway through our ride to this camp. She's always been afraid of lightning.

Oh no. So scary. Much terrified.

Show that she’s afraid of it, don’t state it to the audience.

All Knowing Sue strikes again.

She feels that it will kill her.

SMITE HER ZEUS!

DAMMIT COFFEE! NOTHING WILL SAVE US! NOT EVEN THE PAN!

And she doesn't like airplanes or anything that involves lightning or being above the ground. She's never been on a swing since she doesn't like her feet not touching the ground or something that is touching the ground.

Show not tell, show not tell, shOW NOT TELL.

You’re gonna flip shit when you read who her mom is. Anyway, it’s apparently supposed to “contribute” to her fear of Zeus.

If it’s not Aphrodite I’ll be very disappointed.

Her only exception is the ocean since that's where we feel at home

I get why a child of Poseidon feels safe, but why Emily? We don’t know her. Nor do we care anymore.

I have a bad feeling about her god-parent…

Don’t got many choices.

I’m going to bet that her mother is a goddess who can’t/won’t have mortal children.

, so she feels safe with us. We get in the car and my mom starts driving. I hear thunder and I feel someone clutching my arm really hard.

So much so that she renders flesh from bone.

Coffee. What did I say.

I WILL DO ANYTHING TO SEE HER DIE.

IT WON’T SAVE US! THEN EMILY WILL TAKE OVER!

I MUST TRY! NO MATTER HOW FUTILE!

" Emily, that hurts." I say annoyed.

“Ow, pain. I fractured my ability to emote.”

Please kill her.

She could emote in the first place?

" Sorry." She loosens her grip. My arm can breath again.

I wasn’t aware your arm had breathing capabilities.

Does it have nostrils that we don’t see?

The arm has the most character development in this story.

" Emily, sweetie, nothing is going to happen to you. Besides, your mom will protect you.

“Ah, yes. My mother that I know nothing about and who has practically abandoned me. That’s comforting.”

“Bah you’ll get used to it.”

She would never let anything happen to you. Just like Angel and Kat's father would never let anything happen to I'm here."

If Poseidon never let anything happen to his demi-spawn this entire story would not exist.

Exactly. Thank you Coffee.

Emily just nodded when my looked at her through the rear mirror. Anyone could see that Emily didn't believe her and she was still afraid.

I can’t see anything with your lousy writing.

So much for those classes am I right guys?

" How about some music? That always soothes you." Angel put on the radio.

Why are we suddenly being formal in speech?

You know what would soothe me?

These fuckers dying?

In a fiery car crash.

Noooooooooo, why a fucking song. Why do you have to write out the song!

Cause raisins.

" If I die young, bury me in satin

I’ll bury you all right, but it will sure as hell not be in satin.

Maybe in an inferno.

That might work. Though someone might dig her up.

Lay me down on a bed of roses

If you don’t mind the napalm under it.

A good old fashioned bonfire.

That’d be to easy. Slowly lower her onto a bed of rusty nails.

Sink me in a river at dawn

Hon, even if you didn’t die I’d still drown you in a river.

She can breathe in water though.

FUCK.

AHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! Can she breath in acid?

Send me away with the words of a love song

With the lyrics describing your imminent demise.

Nobody loves you.

Not even the knives.

Uh oh, uh oh

That’s how I feel about this entire fic.

That’s me everyday of my life.

Lord make me a rainbow,

Lord, please don’t.

I second that.

I'll shine down on my mother

With a death ray.

DEATH FROM ABOVE!

Preparing weapon: 80%.

She'll know I'm safe

Now that you’re no longer a nuisance.

Now a thorn in God’s side.

Poor God.

with you when she stands under my colors,

I bet your colors are about the same as your emotional spectrum.

A dull gray, slightly darker dull grey and and an even darker dull grey.

Don‘t insult grey.

Oh yeah. And purple.

You leave purple out of this.

oh,

“I finally realized this whole story was a mistake.”

Nah, I doubt Author ever thought that.

And life ain't always what you think it ought to be,

Like this story.

Clearly. I thought this was supposed to be a story.

I thought I was sober.

Is what I said when I was told we were going to continue reading.

Yeah, I’m never sober.

Ain't even grey,

Oh, look! Your emotional spectrum!

Huzaaaaaah!

but she buries her baby

Finally putting that whiny brat in the ground!

Yaaaaaay!

The sharp knife of a short life,

*hides knife* I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Quick protect Angel!

oh well

That’s what the author said before publishing this trash parade.

That’s what I said while looking at the last bottle.

I've had just enou-"

I’ve had enough of this shit too.

-Promptly swings door open and leaves-

Fuck this shit, I’m out!

Mom turned it off.

SWEET FREEDOM!

“Now that we’re done with those ominous implications…”

" Maybe we should do something else instead of listen to the radio. How about I tell you kids more about Camp Halfblood?"

“Obviously, no one was listening to me about it before.”

“Listen here you little shits! You’re going to camp!”

I feel like the author is now trying really hard to make mom explain things.

" Your father always wanted you to go to this camp since you were babies. He kept visiting me, telling me how it wasn't safe for you anywhere but the camp. I told him off, saying that nothing bad would ever happen to you as long as I was alive.

“Of course, I, a mortal woman, would know more about this sort of thing than a Greek god.”

Totally not Percy’s story.

Percy’s mother was worried and knew she would only be able to protect him so much and Sally knew her limits. She’s making her sound like “I can protect my kids by myself. I won’t get killed with a simple flick of the wrist.”. That’s fucking foolish.

And your father, Emily, he promised your mother he would guard you with his life.

“I can’t imagine why he would do that. It’s not like Greek gods avoid their children.”

“Mom, was dad just a one nighter?”

Her mom just left a note though, how the hell would he promise that? The gods don’t normally tell the mortal partner that they’re a god.

I don't think he ever told you this but one night, when you were about 10, he found your mother standing over your bed, crying quietly. He told me that she told him that all she could think about was you.

And he told you this, but not his daughter..? I see where Katherine’s omniscience comes from.

Damn genetics. Fuckers.

You guys may think that the parent that left you didn't care, but they did.

Except they don’t, because they are gods.

They don’t care cos they can literally have kids with damn near anyone.

Correction, they care for their kids but they normally have VERY limited contact with them. They make a point to stay out of their lives, to not interfere, it would piss off the Fates.

It hurt us as much as it did them. And by 'us' I mean Emily's dad and me."

That’s unusually specific.

Me thinks Moma and Emily’s dad had a fling.

" Mom, who is our dad and Emily's mom?"

My mom smiled softly. It was a sad smile. " Well, that's something you'll have to find out at camp, isn't it?" No one said anything.

“It’s more fun that way. Nothing bad ever comes from withholding this kind of information.”

“Not like this information is important to the plot.”

Get on with the plot please. This suspense shit is getting old fast.

5 minutes later

You don’t need a fucking transition for five fucking minutes!

Calm down Coffee.

PISS OFF

NAH!

DON’T MAKE ME GET THE PAN

" Are we there yet?"

“No, the end of the chapter is about another two pages of nothing happening.”

Guess I can get another case of rum. I have the time.

" Almost. Patience Angel."

Oh, so that’s who’s talking. For a second, I thought it was another hallucination. Wait a minute, who’s talking now? A ghost? It’s a ghost, isn’t it?

I think you need to lay off the shrooms.

" So how long are we going to stay at this camp?"

OH SHIT, A FLOATING HEAD GHOST!

Fuck, what’s the name of that Naruto story we did? Dammit, TEA! HELP!

When Wind meets earth, I believe and yes, that is how the author wrote it.

" For the rest of Winter break."

Didn’t you change it to summer in your author’s note?

.-. I’m greatly confused and annoyed at the same time, what do you call that?

Confoyed? I dunno.

Angel groaned. I groaned. Emily squealed.

And I unloaded a shotgun into everyone mentioned.

-Takes the shotgun back- Hey, this is for emergencies only.

*takes shotgun* With how fast this is going downhill, this counts.

-Takes it back- I’M the one who brought this thing, stop wasting ammo on this shit show, wait for My Inner Life.

This joke is overkill.

" We're gonna have so much fun! We'll meet new people. And there might be some cut boys." She winked at me. " And cute girls for you Angel,"

“And we’re probably going to die!”

I long for the sweet release of death. I refuse to go to AA.

Turns out Angel and Emily just weren't meant to be. She said that she felt no spark when they had a make-out session in her room on the boat. And he said that it felt weird kissing her. Like he was kissing his mom.

That is just gross.

And thus, that entire chapter was a big waste of everyone’s time, because the author decided on a whim to abort that story arc.

What the fuck…? Oooooooh wait till I do my thoughts at the end, ooooh you just wait.

So they've decided to just stay friends. But hey, I'm not complaining.

I am! That chapter never needed to happen if it was going to end like that.

Goddamitgoddamitgoddamit. GODDAMIT!

" Oh. And you'll love your cabins. Maybe Artemis and her hunters will be there. But don't join them. Just 5 more miles."

Why is she talking like she’s been there before? She’s mortal, mortals can’t enter the camp.

Omniscient protagonist powers go!

Rather Katherine joined them or not, she’ll never lose her V-card :^)

My mom kept smiling and shed a few more tears.

“So close to freedom from this awful story!”

“So close to losing these little shits!”

When we were about 3 miles away my mom suddenly stopped the car. " No. That's impossible. We should have had more time." She whispered this to herself. She was looking through the rearview mirror.

This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t spent an entire day shopping!

YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT OF TIME DAMMIT!

We are definitely copying Percy’s story but trying to make it seem original.

" Get out! Everybody get out!" Her voice was panicked. We got out as quickly as we could.

Which was at a snail’s pace, like everything else in this goddamn story.

Yet now we decide we want to live. Why can’t you just die Sue???

Except the second chapter, that happened quicker and I’m glad.

She started rummaging through the trunk. She handed us the luggages filled with our belongings. Then she pulled out a long thin sword. " Now, we're going to run.

Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to run with swords?!

Wanna know what else is long and thin?

The spear of which I’ll impale you with if you continue that joke.

-Leans in closer- ʕ°ᴥ°ʔ My dick.

SCROTAL PUNCH!

TEA GIVE ME THE SHOTGUN!

You had fair warning, there is nothing I can do to help you.

To the top of the hill. The monsters have caught up with us.

I still don’t see any monsters.

It would be nice if you put effort into the scene. For now we see floating blobs.

I see a heaping pile of shit called “How it all began”.

We have a few minutes before they reach us.

Why doesn’t the All-Seeing protagonist see them then?

Cause raisins.

Cos I scooped her eyes out with a grapefruit spoon.

Give me your hands." We all held out a hand.

She proceeded to chop off their hands with the sword.

“My tummy was making the rumblies...that only hands could satisfy.”

“Caaaaaaaaaaaaarl!”

" Give me your pocket knife Angel."

“So I may kill you quicker.”

Quick, castrate him so we don’t more Stus and Sues.

" I don't know what you're talking about." She glared at him. He handed it to her. She grabbed his hand and cut the palm.

Which she really could have done with the sword…

Me too buddy, me too. -Pats Coffee’s back.-

He pulled back his hand but it was too late. The damage was already done.

She rolled a nat 20 and hit him with critical damage. He lost his last 2 HP and had to go recover in the local tavern.

He rolled a nat 1 dexterity roll, he slipped, fell and broke his neck on the way to the tavern.

Jagerbomb rolled a nat 20 and won the last case of rum.

She grabbed a white towel from the hand and pressed his wound to it. The blood stained part of it red.

No shit, it’s a WHITE towel. Blood is red, thus it stains towel.

What are you talking about? Blood is pink. It’s always been that color.

No, blood is blue.

" I'm sorry. THis will throw them off our trail for a bit."

I like to think she was a bit enthusiastic for a second, but then realized the story she was in.

-Takes a sip from a beer can- Eyup.

She did the same to us. It stang but no as much as I thought as it would.

The word is stung, not stang. A stang is a Mustang, which you can’t drive.

Or ride. Cos Mustangs are too damn majestic for you.

Or as in Roy Mustang, but that’s not a good idea unless you like the idea of female officers in tiny miniskirts…

ʕ◕ᴥ◕ʔ Females? Miniskirts? Where do I sign up?

Down boy.

She threw the blood stained towel in the back car seat. Then we ran.

From what? I still don’t see the threat!

Their running from their emotions, Coffee.

What emotions?

The ones they left behind years ago.

We jumped over fallen trees and prickly bushes ripped our clothes as we brushed past them while running away from the monsters.

You keep saying that, but I still don’t see anything nor is there a threat. Maybe if I believe in it enough the monsters will appear and eat them.

Coffee. We’re not going to be saved, stop it. -Flicks nose-

We heard a roar back where the car was. That made us run faster. We finally believed my mother.

Took you long enough!

Let’s play the guessing game on what monster it is! GODZILLA!

The gods are real. We're demigods. And monsters are after us so they can spill our blood.

She didn’t explain this shit at all to you. Also you’re being overly formal again.

Well, you’ve been doing a bang up job avoiding them so far.

So why fucking worry!?

Then we found it. The entry to this camp.

These sentences. Are. Insanely choppy.

It hurts. My. Brain.

At first I couldn't read what it said, then my dyslexia reformed the words.

This is the first time we’ve seen of you ever having dyslexia.

She’s stating things again, would it kill you to either put it in earlier or better yet show this stuff happening.

She can magically give herself different disabilities.

Camp Half-Blood. We passed under the sign and a barrier appeared as we did. It didn't stop us from going in. It was as if showing that not just anyone could enter.

Wow, so exactly what a barrier does!

If your mother already explained everything to you then you should already know what the barrier does.

:O Holy shit! Something that actually does it’s job!

My mom looked at us longingly. I gestured for her to come with us. She shook her head sadly. I understood.

“Even though I’ve never been here before and I know nothing about the camp.”

All Knowing Sue strikes back!

The barrier sensed her and reminded her that she couldn't enter.

Reminded her? I think you mean stopped her completely.

“Oh sorry ma’am but you can’t come in here.”

" Ms. Adams. Come on."

ARGHH! FLOATING HEAD GHOST!

KILL IT WITH FIR-SHIT IT’S A GHOST!

" Yeah Mom." " She can't. The barrier won't let her. She's human."

I think the author gave up on writing.

I mean, technically, Demigods are human too since they're not, ya know… Gods.

They’re part god, that’s what allows them to get through.

" Kat's right. This is where you guys go ahead without me." A roar startled us. It was close by.

This looks suspiciously familiar.

Yep, we’re definitely copying Percy’s story.

Plus 1 for originality, Suethor.

" I have to go. If I stay any longer, they'll catch me." She blew us a kiss before disappearing into the trees. We watched as the monsters finally reached us and started banging on the barrier.

There they are! A little late on the chase scene there.

Give them a break, they’re Union monsters.

They couldn't get in either. I smirked and stuck out my tongue.

I’d like to see you do that outside the barrier.

“Let me stick my tongue out and be a brat while I watch my mom is probably being chased by monsters.”

We taunted them for a while longer. We had to make sure Mom had enough time to get away.

You’re copying Percy’s story and trying to be original, so if anything mom is probably going to die.

I doubt the monsters give a damn about kids taunting them. Your mother is probably already dead if they are tolerating you.

I mean, that forest is probably crawling with monsters, and not just Greek ones too, probably a damn Wendigo out there too. -Shivers-

When they finally realized they weren't going to get in anytime soon, they angrily left.

*stomps feet* “It’s not fair!”

“I wanted to tear the blondie’s spine out!”

We turned around and walked into this camp. I smiled at the feeling I felt as I walked, looking for an adult in this quiet place. It felt peaceful. Safe. Like home.

“We’ve only been here for twenty seconds.”

“Katherine, wake up, it was all a dream, you’ve been in a coma for two years.” -sighs- I wish...

PLOT TWIST!

CONCLUSION

Well, what can I say? After four chapters of the same shit different day, this isn’t surprising. How is one supposed to rate a chapter where nothing happens?

I can guarantee that it gets so much worse. You’ll have a lot to scream about later.

Well, I sure as fuck can say something! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAVE US SIT THROUGH TWO CHAPTERS (1 and 2) ABOUT HOW MUCH ANGEL AND EMILY LOVE EACH OTHER ONLY FOR ANGEL AND EMILY TO STAY FRIENDS!? LIKE SERIOUSLY! CHAPTER TWO WAS LITERALLY JUST KATHARINE TRYING TO GET EMILY TO FUCK HER BROTHER! AND WHAT DO WE GET FOR SITTING THROUGH THAT HELL? NOTHING! JUST THE ‘Let’s be friends’ BULLSHIT! And I have to agree with Coffee, all these chapters are the fucking same! Just unnecessary FILLER! Still no emotions, descriptions, and Katherine is the WORST character in this shit show. Fuck you anD YOUR GOAT!

I heard that yelling your name followed by “I’m fine” actually helps most cases of stress.

I have a bottle of jack and a shotgun. I’m fine. -Casual muscle spasm.-

I was thinking something more like, “I’M COFFEE AND I’M FINE!”

I AM FINE DAMMIT!

There you go~!

-Rapidly pumps shotgun to stay calm-

-Coffee, Tea, and Jagerbomb

#bad fanfiction #percy jackson fanfiction #fanfiction review #obscure review #sporking

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