#and I won’t even try with him since he just says passively homophobic stuff

[spineless-lobster]

My mom try not to ignore my gender identity challenge (impossible)

[i-did]

I would like to hear more of your opinions on fandom depictions of Neil, if you don't mind! Your post made me realize some things I wasn't even aware of when reading aftg fic!!

Yeah sure I have a lot of thoughts on this. I think this is an overall fandom issue and not just an aftg fandom issue, but the feminization of neil as well as the ironing out of his personality to make it more palatable is definitely a thing.

I've noticed in a lot of fics hes a lot friendlier, a lot less distrusting, and a lot more oblivious. I also noticed the amount of demand for vixen neil, and neil in dresses and skirts and crop tops, neil crying and being vulnerable isn't a challenge on traditional masculinity because andrew and the other guy foxes don't receive nearly the same amount of demand.

There is heavy emphasis on people wanting not just neil but andrew to be softer, and while that's okay, it's important to remember the moral of aftg is that trauma makes some people hard, and intense and not traditionally likeable, and that those people aren't broken and don't need to be fixed. So when people just, ignore that and make andrew and neil a lot softer, neil always sitting in andrews lap and other things, lots of expressions of PDA, and other out of charter moments, it erases the idea nora was trying to convey.

I've stated before about how the fandom also often doesn't mention body hair but when it does its andrew having facial hair and neil having less typically, but also there is usually emphasis on andrew having a deeper voice than neil, who sometimes gets written almost as whiney and petulant or pouty.

-nsft text below-

I also think there is an overall lack of understanding of mlm culture in fandom which is largely a women's space. I won't go into detail here but how pwp is written (especially a lot of the trans andrew or neil ones) are not with a mlm gaze in mind, after all if it was proper gay porn then only mlm would be turned on by it, but the consumer in mind isn't mlm at all, both because the authors are almost always not mlm, but the readers aren't as well. There is emphasis on neil being more vocal and whining, mewling, whimpering, and moaning, all common in how straight porn treats the woman, while andrew is emphasized in being a lot more quiet, maybe grunting and groaning.

Lingerie is not common in gay porn outside of fanfiction, jock straps?? Thats a thing thats a huge thing, but in all the pwp I've seen of them in their exy gear I haven't seen it mentioned before, not a cup or jock strap or anything like that.

Neil is also the one being put into the lingerie and there is emphasis on him feeling pretty rather than handsome and him being petite and slim rather than a bulky athlete

There is also an overall lack in realism in preparation and dynamics that are physically impossible or unsafe but thats a whole other thing.

This is just off of the top of my head, I can get into the fetishization of trans andrew fics another time thats a whole other thing, but yeah this is just my unprepared thoughts and observations I've noticed.

Fanart also tends to lack the men having bulges, i respect trans hc but i have possibly never seen a flaccid penis in running shorts neil is wearing. They don't go away they sit there and take up space.

-end nsft text-

I have more to say when it comes to the dealings with trauma in fanfiction but for another time. I also have a huge rant about how fanon deals with the race in fics, both nickys canon race as well as the fanon everyone else's race

Overall, people can write what they want to write, and fiction is fiction and i cannot stop anyone from doing anything, and people can interpret the characters how they want. But when writing fiction, the authors own biases can slip though, the charters are written by them after all. An author who writes a torture scene isnt someone who has done that, but an author who writes let's say nicky as even more predatory, slutty, stereotypically gay and "ayeyeyye" in fanfic is unknowingly being racist and homophobic.

A person existing in real life fitting steryotypes is one thing, I've been told like once a week that im stereotypically gay since I've been alive, and have been under a lot of fire for being both "too mexican" and "not mexican enough" but an author who is not mlm and is white can still fall into these pre conceived notions they don't realize they have. There is no such thing as a real life queer couple being heteronormative, but someone else writing one can be because they're not real people, they're characters.

Why does this dynamic appeal to you? Are you projecting? In what way? Why do you think x character is more passive and y is more aggressive? Are they like that in canon ?

When quarantine started I threw myself into aftg even more, but quickly became depressed and felt gross and watched, I felt lonely as an mlm and isnt white in a dominantly white wlw/wlm fandom. Most of tumblr is queer white women dominant tbh, in the same way its American dominant, and fandom is like that too. I still have a hard time talking to my friends who aren't mlm about fandom stuff sometimes because I will tell them something bothers me and I'm not sure they understand or take it seriously. I was so depressed because my personal escapism was making me feel worse.

My depression has gotten better since then, but I still get very uncomfortable with the word "twink" being applied to not just neil, but now any queer man, especially when not said by someone mlm.

Okay I'm gonna stop here lol this was a longer ramble than planned. Ah. Don't cancel me don't twist my words I swear I don't care what others do this is just my observations

[sneakyneighboururchin]

Genuinely asking here bc maybe I've missed/forgotten some stuff but... when homo- and transphobic stuff is said in DA, it's addressed in game as being bad, isn't it? Like Dorian's first personal quest is about his dad acknowleding his homophobia and apologizing to Dorian. And with Krem, Krem and Bull both correct the Inquisitor pretty sternly if you misgender him, and Bull explains how gender identity is respected under the Qun. Not trying to fight you on this, nor do I think DA is by any means perfect, I just don't recall seeing homophobia or transphobia that isn't quickly shut down by the player or other characters. Don't feel pressured to answer tho, I know it's not your job to pull receipts for every shitty thing in a video game lol

Well first off thanks for being so polite and nice in this message, I appreciate it. I'm gonna try and cover the stuff that I've seen myself and have had pointed out to me by other people but keep in mind that I'm not trans, most of what I'll say here on the transphobia issue is me parroting other trans fans who've said this sort of thing before. I am gay though, so I guess we're clear on that front. It's also been a while since i played any of the games so if i get stuff wrong, I'm sorry. This is gonna be long so sorry for that in advance.

So homophobia and transphobia in our world. Why is it a thing? A combination of humanity hating and fearing what it doesn't understand (which Dragon Age also has) and religion, specifically in my experience Christianity (which Dragon Age does not have). Yes the Chantry and Andrastianism is heavily based off of Christianity and Catholicism but it doesn't have any of the bullshit about sexuality and gender that Christianity does. Neither in it's holy texts or it's teachings. The in universe writing about sexuality, a codex by Brother Genitivi, is also kinda homophobic and doesn't explain why this is a thing in Thedas at all. Queer relations and relationships are aparently viewed by most of Southern Thedas as 'peculiar' but no explanation is given as to why. Now I'm gonna go into specific instances. 

First off, let's look at some of the stuff you've mentioned. Dorian and his dad. Yeah that whole situation hit me pretty close to home as a queer person who's pretty much accepted at this point that my dad will never accept who I am and my mother died still not having accepted me. What Halward did is definitely portrayed as a bad thing, that is correct. The narrative kind of subtly pushing the reconciliation being the good option is a bit iffy. What Halward tried to do to Dorian is straight up abuse and I really don't like plotlines that push making nice with the abuser and forgiving them as a good resolution. This is kind of more personal feelings than straight from the script fact but I wanted to say it anyway. 

Second issue: Krem's treatment. So many trans people have talked about this before me, if you want some more in depth analysis of this you should go check out some of their stuff, it won't be hard to find. The basics though: Krem is voiced by a cis woman. This immediately sets a shitty precedent on the side of the devs lending proof to the theory that they don't care about uplifting trans people, just making money off them. Krem should have been voiced by a trans actor. In the actual conversation with Iron Bull you get the opportunity to be extremely transphobic. And if you do this you get told off, and that's kind of it. The fact that your character even has the option to do that is a) gross from an out of character writing perspective, and b) makes no sense in character. Why would your character have these views? There is no in lore reason for any of the potential groups your character comes from to be transphobic. Also, and this is just my opinion, but if you're transphobic to Krem (even though it makes no sense in universe) the Iron Bull's reaction shouldn't be a bit of disapproval, he should send you through the fucking wall. Seems more in character. Also, gender roles under the Qun also have a lot of potential to be transphobic, they are by no means an improvement on ours imo. Under the Qun your gender is essentially decided by your role. So if you're a fighter you're male. If you care for children you're female. Not only is that pretty hella sexist and reliant on our dumb ideas of gender roles (that again aren't supposed to be a thing in Thedas) it also has potential to be hell for trans people. Yes it would work for someone like Krem, but for someone who was AMAB and good at fighting but they were a woman? Being shoved into male gender roles and treated as a man would not be good. If the writer's intent was to create a society with an entirely different concept of and approach to gender they've done it wrong because of how much of it is reliant on the audience's perception of gender which (going by general gaming demographics) is pretty cis and het normative. 

Now I'm gonna talk about the transphobia that doesn't get challenged. Sera makes a couple transphobic comments throughout the game I believe, the one I can remember in detail is in the Winter Palace when she says someone presenting a certain way isn't actually that. And without any further context the only way the audience can really interpret that is that the writers decided to take a cheap shot at someone cross dressing in a bad attempt at comedy. 

Sera's writing in general is super homophobic because she was written by a homophobe. I'm not gonna go into all of that in this cos this is already too long and I could write essays about it. Other people already have! But basically, she's the only out and out lesbian romance we have in the series, and her writing in that respect is really not good. 

So how about the other games? Well. In origins you can hire sex workers at a brothel. The 'special' on offer is a very masc presenting dwarf in a poorly fitting dress. This was a very transphobic attempt at humour. Zevran, much as I love him dearly, is a walking bisexual stereotype, made worse by feeding into the 'sexy Latine' stereotype on top of that, which isn't an in universe problem so much as it is proof that the writers are guilty of prejudices whether they know it or not. I suspect there's more instances in origins but I can't remember right now. 

In Dragon Age 2 Seneschal Bran has a relationship of some kind with a sex worker named Serendipity, a feminine presenting elf with a very deep voice. This is played as something that Bran should be ashamed of. At least I think so, it could be that he's ashamed of having a relationship with a sex worker. Not that far fetched considering Aveline's weaponisation of the word 'whore' against Isabela. But this is also something that doesn't make sense honestly. Why is sex work taboo in thedas? Christianity isn't around to make it so and Andrastianism doesn't have purity culture going except for their clergy ( which also is never explained why and makes no sense.) Additionally, Uncle Gamlen is super homophobic. Why? There is no reason culturally or religiously for him to be that way? Yes he's an asshole but why is he an asshole in that manner? And you don't even get to challenge him on it! It's passive dialogue that you trigger when walking into his house and you don't immediately get the option to fucking fight him about it? Why put it in then?! 

A good amount of this is off topic from the actual question so sorry about that but TLDR there's a lot of in universe homophobia and transphobia, most of it is not handled well in or out of universe. I do believe that they're trying to do better in this respect, inquisition was a step up from previous games it just wasn't enough of one. 

If you want more stuff like this go check out @dalishious cos they have a ton of very good meta on subjects related to this.

[the-small-one-to-rule-them-all]

In and Out

(no, not the restaurant, like the closet)

summary: Patton is both in and out of the closet. Coming out isn’t a one time thing, and it isnt always your choice. 

pairing: romantic Moxiety, romantic Logince

warnings: implied homophobia and transphobia, food mention, crying, yelling, panic attacks, not so implied homophobia, kissing mention. accidental outing, unaccepting parents

word count: 4,365

a/n: so, I have had this written for a long time and finally decided to publish it here. it feels like one of those stories that just has to see the light of day, ya know? Yes this is hurt/comfort I have a hard time writing much anything else lol. Enjoy! 

Patton crumples, falling to his knees as the panic hits him. He can't do this. He feels his hands shaking and he whimpers as the world seems to press in around him. He tries to take a deep breath, failing he feels himself start hyperventilating, his breathing going as fast as his thoughts.

A knock on the door startles him, “Patton, are you ready to go yet?” Virgil asks, “We’re gonna be late if we don't leave soon.”

When he gets no answer, Virgil frowns, “Patton, are you okay?”

As Virgil hears Patton’s hiccuping breath, he opens the door. His stomach drops when he sees Patton curled against his mirror panicking. He rushes over and sits beside him, “Hey, Patt, it’s me. It’s okay. I'm gonna breathe and you try to copy me as best you can, okay?”

A nod.

Virgil breathes deeply and Patton’s gasping breaths follow the rhythm of his breathing. Slowly Patton starts to breathe normally as the panic starts to fade. Once Patton is calm enough, Virgil pulls him into a hug.

Patton wraps his hands around Virgil and sighs, “I can't go to the premiere, I can’t, 'm sorry.”

Virgil runs a hand through Patton’s hair, “Okay, that’s fine. I don't really like dinner parties anyway, but can you tell me why?”

Patton curls further into Virgil, “My... my parents will be there.”

“You didn't tell me they were coming.” Virgil says with a frown. Patton knows he gets anxious about those things, he would’ve told him, right?

Patton shakes his head, “I didn't know. My mother texted, told me they were going to the party, said they were hoping to see me.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I'm too busy and that we won't be able to meet up.”

Virgil sighs, “Listen, Patton, you’ve told me you don't have a great relationship with your parents, but for the thought of seeing them again to give you a panic attack that... that’s a lot. If, if you can ... would tell me why?”

Patton takes a shaky breath, “Virgil, when I left home, I wasn’t out to them at all. They don't know i'm gay, let alone that i'm trans, going by a different name and dating you. Though I suppose if I told them I'm dating you they would assume we’re a straight couple, but...” Patton sighs, “Virgil, they have no idea. They wouldn't be accepting if they knew. They, they would hate me and probably disown me.”

Virgil sighs and gives Patton a big hug. He pulls out his phone, “I’ll call Roman and Logan and make sure they know we’re not coming and figure out what to do about your parents, alright?”

Patton nods and Virgil dials.

Roman picks up the phone while styling his hair, “Hey there, calling to tell me you’re gonna be late, Prince of Panic?”

Virgil sighs, “Hey Roman, and no. Actually, Patton and I can't make it.”

“Oh, is there a reason?”

“Uh, yeah, did you know Patt’s parents are coming?” Virgil asks.

Roman frowns, “We heard they were going, yeah. We thought it might be a nice surprise.”

Virgil shakes his head, “Well, it’s a nice thought, but not exactly. You see, Patton isn't out to his parents, like, at all and apparently they’re super homophobic.”

“Oh my dear sweet Cole Sprouse. I'm so sorry, we didn't know.”

Virgil shrugs, “Don't worry about it, we know you meant well.”

“Wait, if they’re going to be at the premiere, how do we avoid outing Patt? I would hate to deadname him or use the wrong pronouns or anything. What should we do?”

Virgil frowns, “Uh, I don't know, that’s up to you.”

Roman sighs, “Wait they don't even know us. I guess we’ll just have to avoid mentioning you two.”

“Well, If you’re sure that will work then I guess it should be fine”

“I am.” Roman insists.

Virgil sighs, “Okay, Bye Princy. I’ll call Logan and let him know we can't make it.”

“Bye, tell Patton we’re sorry.” Roman asks.

“He already knows.” Virgil tells him with a small smile, looking down at Patton curled in his lap.

Virgil hangs up and calls Logan 

“Hey Logan.”

“Hello Virgil. Why are you calling? Are you and Paton going to be late?”

“No, Logan, Patton and I won't be able to make it tonight.”

“Oh,” Logan blinks straightening his tie, “May I ask as to why?”

Virgil nods, “Sure. Patton isn't out to his parents at all and apparently they’re pretty homophobic.”

“Oh dear,” Logan clears his throat,  “I am sorry about that, we had no idea, we thought it would be a nice surprise to have them there.”

Virgil smirks, “Well, Patt got a text from his parents saying they were looking forward to seeing him at the premiere, so it wouldn't be much of a surprise, but that’s fine.”

Logan’s eyes go wide, “Oh my, I do apologize for any bad things that might have brought up.”

Virgil shakes his head, “Don't worry about it, we know it didn’t happen on purpose. And Roman is making sure his speech doesn’t mention Pat, he is hoping no one will realize you know us.”

“What will happen if word gets around to his parents that we do?”

Virgil sighs, “I don't know but that’s gonna be your problem to deal with, not ours.”

Logan nods, “Fair enough. Have a good night, you two will be missed.”

“Thanks Logan, tell Roman we think he did absolutely wonderful in the show. And I think we will have a good night. I figured we would watch some movies and make a fort in the living room.”

Logan smiles, “I will. That certainly sounds entertaining, just make sure to eat some protein, I know you two tend to just eat apples and popcorn when you do that and I want to make sure you are taking care of yourselves.”

“I thought Patton was the Dad friend.” Virgil says with a laugh, “Don't worry Lo, we’ll eat some salami we have left over from lunches this week.”

Logan nods, “That is satisfactory. Well, I need to go, it’s time to leave and Roman isn't ready yet.”

“Bye Logan.”

“Goodbye.”

Virgil hangs up and shoves the phone in his pocket, “Hey, why don't you get changed into your cat onesie and meet me downstairs with supplies for the fort? I’ll start getting all the furniture ready and set up the outside if you bring stuff for inside.”

Patton smiles up at him, eyes still watery, “That sounds good.”

An hour later they’re sitting side by side under a pile of blankets eating popcorn and watching Winnie the Pooh. 

Patton wakes up to a knock at the door. He smiles as he looks over to see Virgil asleep in his skeleton onesie beside him. Patton rubs his eyes and stretches, getting up to turn on the coffee pot. He jumps as he hears the doorbell chime. 

He looks through the peephole on the door and smiles, opening it wide, “Logan, Roman, what are you doing here?”

Logan lifts the large tupperware he is holding, “We thought we would bring over the leftovers from the premiere and share.”

Roman smiles, “Yeah, we thought we might give you two your own private party!” Patton grins, “Well that certainly is nice, but Virgil isn't up yet. Why don't you come in and I’ll go wake him up.”

“Patton, who are you talking to?” Virgil steps into the foyer with a cup of coffee in his hands, “Oh. Hi. I'm gonna-” Virgil points a thumb behind him. 

Patton’s phone starts buzzing frantically in his pocket and he pulls it out. He looks at it and his face pales. He opens it and scrolls a bit.

Virgil sets his coffee down, “Patt, what’s wrong?” he asks.

Patton opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He clasps his hand over his mouth. His legs buckle. Roman catches him as he falls, dropping his phone.

“What’s wrong Padre? You okay?” Roman asks as he leans Patton against the wall.

“My- my dad.” Patton gulps and stares at his shaking hands, tears falling down his face, “He, he knows. They know. They know everything.”

Roman frowns, “How could they?”

Patton shakes his head “I don't know. I.. I..” He stops, panic taking over as his breathing shallows.

Virgil sits beside him and walks Patton through the breathing exercise Patton had done with him so many times.

Logan steps inside and stoops down, setting down the tupperware and picking up the phone. He scrolls through the messages from Patton’s father, a scowl on his face. 

When Patton’s breathing returns to normal Virgil pulls him into a hug, “I’m sorry your parents are assholes.”

Patton chuckles dryly, “Thanks for the sentiment.”

Logan sighs, “Patton, did... Did you read all of these?”

Patton nods.

Logan shakes his head, “The nerve of some people. So ignorant, so dim witted. Good news is your dad hasn’t said any more since you dropped your phone.”

Patton frowns and takes a shaky breath, “That’s because he wants a response. Just leave him on read. He is so fluent in passive aggressive, he’ll know what it means.”

Roman takes the phone from Logan and quickly looks through the texts, “I want to call them, I have some choice words-”

“NO!” Patton yells, “Don't! Don't call them! It’ll only make all of this worse!”

Roman puts his hands up, “Alright, I'm sorry, I won't! It was just a joke, I promise.” Roman says handing the phone back to Logan.

Patton sighs, “I knew they would respond like this. There is a reason why I have almost never responded to a single call or text from them since I left home. I cut them out of my life. I'm not letting them back in.”

Logan hands the phone to Virgil and grabs the tupperware from where he had left it on the floor, “Would you two like to change while Roman and I set up a buffet of leftovers to take your mind off it?”

Patton wipes his eyes, “I appreciate the thought, but I don't think I could keep anything down.”

Virgil frowns, “What do you need from us Patton? How can we help?”

“Honestly,” Patton says staring at his lap, “I just wanna sit in the blanket fort and cry for a while.”

Roman nods and helps Virgil get Patton on his feet. Logan adjusts his glasses, “Let me put this in the fridge and I'll join you.”

Virgil smiles softly at him, “Bring water and juice boxes when you join us, will you?”

“Of course.”

Virgil, Roman, and Patton settle into the fort. Virgil moves the empty popcorn bowl and food plate on the table across the room before he takes his place on Patton’s left leaving Patton sandwiched between him and Roman. 

Roman grabs the tissues from the corner where they had been discarded and hands them to Patton who gives him a small smile. 

Logan appears moments later with juice boxes and water in hand. He sets the drinks down in front of the trio and sits beside Roman.

Patton puts his head in his hands and whimpers.

Virgil runs a hand through Patton’s hair, “Hey, it’s okay. It’s safe here. You can let it out.” 

Patton gasps out a sob and Roman places a comforting hand on his back.

Patton puts his arms down, hunching in on himself, “It just hurts. I knew what they would say but it... it still hurts so bad. I hate that it hurts. I hate it! It shouldn't, I cut them out of my life. I didn't think he would say...I mean i'm his child. How could he say those things to me?: 

“I mean, I guess, I... I thought maybe I wouldn't ever have to come out. I thought I could move away and never see them again. I thought they might never find out. I wasn't ready, I... I...” Patton stops, letting words give way to tears. 

Virgil takes Patton’s glasses off his face and hands them to Logan who places them on the table next to him. Patton manages to squeeze out a thank you and Virgil wraps his arm around Patton’s shoulders.

They sit there for a while until Patton calms down to sniffles and hiccuping breaths. 

Roman removes his hand from Patton’s back, handing Patton a juice box before placing it next to the other in his lap. “It’s okay that this hurts.” Roman says, looking at his hands, “Even though you knew what they’d say. It always hurts. It never gets easier to hear someone say those sorts of things to you, especially if it’s someone you wish would be supportive, someone that should accept you-.” Roman’s voice breaks and he sighs, tears falling down his cheeks.

Patton opens the juice box and drinks as he talks. When Roman finishes he looks up at him, “You... you too?”

Roman nods, “My parents, they always said they would never go to a gay wedding, not even for their own son, god forbid he end up that way.” Logan grabs Roman’s hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, “Needless to say, when they saw a picture of Logan and I on Facebook, they did not take it very well. The looks on their faces that day when I went home, the horrible things they said, I remember all of it. I'm so sorry you have to go through that too.”

After a long moment Patton whispers, “Does it ever stop hurting?”

Roman closes his eyes tight and whispers a pained, “No.”

Patton sighs, wrapping his arm around Roman and leaning against his shoulder.

Roman shakes his head, “This is all my fault. I never should've even suggested we let your parents come, much less without asking you. I'm so sorry.”

Patton sighs, “You couldn't have possibly known. I mean, I would've liked it if you had asked me, but you were trying to do something nice for me. I appreciate the sentiment. I appreciate that you would want to do something like that for me.”

“Yeah, but the intent doesn't really matter if I screwed it all up.” Roman insists.

“We don't know that we caused this.” Logan reminds him, “We don't even know how Patton’s parents found out. It could've happened completely separate from the premiere, and the timing led us to believe they were connected.”

Roman sighs, “I guess you’re right Specs.”

Patton and Virgil jump as Patton’s ringtone starts playing. Virgil pulls the phone out of his pocket and his eyes go wide, “Patton, it’s... it’s your mom.”

Patton starts to panic, “I can't answer right now! I'm a mess! Why is she calling? What does she want from me?”

Virgil declines the call. He puts the phone down and his hands in the air, “There, it’s over. We don't have to worry about it.”

Patton takes a deep breath and nods, calming down. Then the phone starts ringing again. 

Patton shakes his head, eyes wide, “No, no, no, no, no, no!”

Virgil declines the call.

Patton’s mom leaves a voicemail.

“Do... do you wanna listen to it?’

Patton doesn’t respond for a minute. Slowly he nods, lifting the phone to his ear and pressing play.

“Hello dear, it’s your mom. I know us finding out about all of this has to be a shock for you, and probably a painful one at that. I know you must be upset right now, but I just want to talk to you. I haven’t heard from you in so long, please. I... I just want to talk.”

Patton sets the phone down as the message ends, “That... wasn't as bad as I was expecting.”

Virgil nods, “That’s good.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Patton shakes his head, “No. I need a minute to think.”

They settle into a heavy but comfortable silence. They rest in one another’s company, knowing that they all support each other. 

Ten minutes later Patton’s phone rings again. They all stare at it for a few ring cycles, surprised she would call again. 

Patton’s lip trembles, “I'm gonna answer it.”

“What?!” Virgil asks incredulous.

“Just give me the phone.” he insists.

Virgil hands him the phone and Patton takes a deep steadying breath before answering. When he speaks, they are all taken aback by how calm he sounds. 

“Hello, mother,” he says, “This is Patton. If you are calling to tell me your thoughts on how the lifestyle I have chosen is wrong or to invalidate me, insult me, or try to get me to change, just hang up now. I've heard it all a million times before. So please, if that’s what you want from me, just leave before you make me go through the pain of that again.”

There’s a pause and Patton sighs, looking at the phone. Surprised to see his mom hasn't hung up yet he puts the phone back to his ear.

“Lu-” she clears her throat, “Patton, son, are you still there?” his mom asks.

Patton gasps shakily, a tear falling down his face, “Mom?”

“Oh, thank you for answering. I'm so sorry everything happened this way.” she says. 

“You’re... You’re calling me by my new name?!” Patton says with a smile.

The others share a look and leave to give Patton some space.

“Of course I'm calling you by your name. Why on earth wouldn't I?” his mom asks. 

“I... I didn't think you would approve.” he admits 

“Of your name?”

Patton shrugs, “Of my name. Of me. Of being trans and gay. Of not coming out to you.”

His mom sighs, “Oh. Patton, dear, I'm so sorry.”

“What?” Patton asks, confused. 

“I know the things your father has been saying to you, and I know it can't be easy to hear from him. And I'm sorry. But more than that, i'm sorry I never made you feel like you could be comfortable around me, like you couldn't be yourself, couldn't come out. You don't have to be afraid. I'm your mom, I love you and nothing is going to change that. Nothing. Not you being trans, or gay, or bi or anything else. I love you.”

Patton breaks down sobbing.

“Oh, honey i'm sorry i'm not there to give you a hug. Why don't you go get a hug from someone? I think I hear your friends in the background, right? Go get a hug, please.”

Patton manages a laugh as Virgil appears at the front of the blanket fort looking concerned. He makes a grabby hand at him. Virgil gives him a smile and sits next to him. Patton gives him a big hug, letting go when he calms down.

“Did you get your hug?” his mom asks. 

“Yeah mom, I did.”

“Good.”

“Hey mom?”

“Yes Patton?”

“How, how did you find out?” he asks. 

“Oh,” she sighs, “Well, when we realised we weren’t going to see you in person we kinda stalked you on social media, or we tried. We didn't know to look for your new name so we went through your friends pages looking for pictures of you. We didn't recognise you at first. We realised it was you when we saw a picture of you and... Virgil I believe is his name and a few of your other friends at a party. You two were kissing. If I'm being honest with you, it was a rather cute picture.”

Patton groans, “Oh that picture?!”

“Is there something wrong with that picture?” she asks. 

“No but if I was gonna come out to you with a picture on Facebook that one definitely wouldn't be my first choice.” Patton insists, hearing Virgil laugh quietly next to him.

“Well i'm sorry, but I can't change that now. Perhaps you can send me better pictures sometime.” his mom suggests. 

“I could do that.” Patton agrees. 

“I uh, I'd like to see you again, Patton, if you’d let me.  We could catch up, you could come out to me on your own terms, however you want to, showing me whatever pictures you want. We could meet at that little restaurant we used to always go to for milkshakes and have lunch or something. Would, would you want to do that?” she asks hesitant yet, hopeful.

Patton smiles, “I would like that. Does Tuesday work for you?”

“Lunch on Tuesday is perfect.”

 “It’s a plan. I’ll see you there.”  Patton says.

“See you there. Love you, son.”

“I love you too, mom.” Patton hangs up grinning wide. 

Patton stands up and pulls Virgil out of the fort rushing over to the others. He grabs Roman by the hands and spins in a circle laughing, still crying from the rush of it all.

“I take it the phone call went well then.” Logan says with a chuckle.

Patton stills, dropping Roman’s hands and facing the others as they stand around the table. “She called me her son. She used my new name. She said she loves me.” He whispers, tears of joy falling from his face.

“That’s amazing!” Roman exclaims, beaming and wrapping Patton in the biggest hug he can give him.

Patton feels another set of arms wrap around him, then another. He chuckles, “Well, today has been an emotional rollercoaster and I haven't even been up for two hours.”

Roman smiles, “Don't you love rollercoasters?”

Patton lets go of the hug, “Yeah, but I think I'm ready to get off the ride now.”

Logan rolls his eyes, “You hungry Patton? It's been a while and you haven't had breakfast yet.”

Patton wipes his eyes, “I am hungry, I hadn't realised. What did you guys bring over? Anything breakfast worthy, or do I need to make myself some eggs?”

(bonus scene)

Patton taps his fingers on the mug of hot chocolate in his hands. He looks around, his mom should be here soon. He sighs and takes a sip of his hot chocolate when he hears the door open and sees his mom walk in. He wipes his mouth and sets down the cup, standing to face her. She turns to see him and smiles. She walks briskly over to Patton wrapping him in the biggest hug. She kisses the top of his head bringing a hand up to hold the back of his head.

“I love you.” she whispers.

Patton smiles, “I love you too.”

She finally lets go, holding Patton by his shoulders at arms length, “Let me look at you.”

Patton blushes and looks away. She puts a hand under his chin and lifts his head to look her in the eyes. “You look very handsome. I like your hair, it suits you, but more importantly, you look confident and happy. You look so much happier than you ever did at home.”

“I am happy, Mom.” Patton says.

“Good, now why don't we sit”

Patton chuckles, “Okay.”

They sit and his mom orders a coffee.

“I would ask if you like anyone or if you’ve kissed anyone yet, but I think I already know the answer to that.”

Patton smiles, “I... thanks. That means a lot.”

“Now, why don't we sort this all out, and you come out to me properly, hmm?” 

Patton nods, “So what would be easiest? Should I go by chronologically how I figured it out or by label and tell the stories potentially out of order?”

She smiles, “Start at the beginning, it’ll be easier for you to keep track that way.”

Patton takes a deep breath, “Okay, well, do you remember that one time in middle school-”

“Wait, you never told me, are you and Virgil dating?”

Patton smiles, “Yeah, I thought it was obvious.” 

His mom sits forward, chin in her hands, “So, how long have you two been a thing?”

Patton starts to blush a bit, “It has been a while, maybe two years.”

His mom nods, “Is he treating you well? He loves you?”

Patton nods, “Yes mom, he is so good. He sat and helped me through a panic attack just this morning, he knows my favorite food and makes it for me on days where he notices I'm not feeling well, and most of all, he loves me. He really, really loves me. And I love him too.”

“Well he certainly sounds like a good man. I hope he knows that if he ever hurts you he is going to have to answer to me.” His mom insists, pointing to herself for emphasis.

Patton blushes and shakes his head, “Mom, he knows he’s going to have to answer to several people already! He hasn’t even met you!”

His mom shrugs, “Well, maybe one day you could introduce us, preferably before your wedding day.”

“MOM!” Patton groans fondly, “Come on, you’ve known about him for just a few days! But yes, eventually you two can meet. However, I can't just spring that on him! I don't want your first interaction to be him having a panic attack.”

“That’s fair sweetheart... can I call you sweetheart?”

“Yeah Mom, you can call me sweetheart, and don't worry, you’ll meet him.”

“Well thank you for the reassurance.” His mom stretches her arms, sparing a glance at her watch, “Oh my is that the time? I need to go home and clean up before I make dinner!”

“Well then I’ll let you go.”

“See you later Pat. I love you.”

Patton smiles, “I love you too, and mom, thank you.”

She smiles sadly and hugs him, “Of course dear, you will always be my child. I love you no matter what. Remember that, okay?”

“Okay.” Patton nods.

His mom gathers her things and leaves and Patton heads to his car once she pulls away. By the time he gets back to the house he is only just holding back tears. 

Virgil opens the door to him and Patton immediately throws himself into Virgil’s arms and begins to cry.

Virgil holds him and closes the door with his foot, turning his concern to the man in his arms. “Hey, are these happy or sad tears Pat?”

“So-o Ha-apy” Patton manages.

Virgil smiles and hugs Patton tighter, “Good, I'm glad.”

[davidthetraveler]

David’s Bio-Monday:  With Pride

Hey guys.  I know it’s been a while since I did one of these.  Sorry about that.  But after getting a Pride Ask from @mandeebobandee about how I figured out that I wasn’t straight, I also realized that it would make for a great new addition to this neglected series.  And since Mandee agreed to let me use it, I’m going to do so.  So, in honor of Pride Month, here is the story of how I figured out I wasn’t straight.

Just to be clear, this story mentions both Homophobia and Internalized Homophobia.  So those of you sensitive to these topics should be cautious when proceeding.  It’s not mentioned a lot, but both are central to my story, so please be careful and take of yourselves.

To start off, I need to be perfectly honest with you.  I wasn’t always such a staunch proponent of the LGBTQ+ community.  In fact, for the better part of my first 28 years, I was just as much of a passive homophobe as the rest of my family.  I would never seek to condemn another person to their face, but then you can always secretly judge them in your head from afar.

It wasn’t until after I started getting into Thomas’ videos and becoming a part of the famderdom that I started easing up on those old beliefs.  I started listening to what others had to say about their genders and sexualities.  I really started paying attention to the dangers these people, people I was starting to call my friends, were in.

And then, it happened.

I… developed some… unexpected feelings.

I’m not sure at what point it started, but I began to develop a romantic attraction to another guy in the famderdom.  (For the sake of his privacy, as well as my own, I won’t tell you his identity.  Some of you already know anyway, and I’m pretty sure a few of you have already guessed who he is.  I haven’t exactly been the most subtle about it.)   How I figured out I was feeling this way is a rather interesting story in and of itself.

As I’ve mentioned before, I often use writing, and in particular my character David the Traveler, to help me better process my experiences and emotions and figure things out in my life.  And I’d already started working on an idea for a story that would see him meeting up with Thomas and his sides.

But then one day, while I was considering possible plot points for this story, my character decided that he was secretly in love with Thomas.

I was taken aback.  I’d never expressed any sort of romantic interest in another man at this point.  Why would my character, a glorified self-insert turned useful concept explorer slash fun plot device, be interested in another guy?  And that’s when it hit me.  I’d developed feelings for another guy, and was expressing it through my character.

But why?  Why me, and why now out of nowhere?

It took me several long weeks of self-reflection to come to terms with the matter.  During that time, I went back through every romantic fantasy I’d ever had, considered everything I’d ever desired in a relationship, examined every romantic thought I’d ever expressed, whether out loud or internally.  And that’s when it hit me.

One of the things I’d learned about as I became more aware of the LGBTQ+ community was the often overlooked Asexual subcommunity.  I understood the basic concept, that it was about a lack of desire for sexual activity, but I didn’t give it too much thought.  Until my self-evaluation revealed that the one thing most of the world says you’re supposed to want in a relationship is the one part of a relationship I never had any real interest in.

It was a strange sort of revelation.  I mean, I had certainly always wanted kids, and therefore such activity was technically part of all of my fantasies.  But looking back, I’d realized I’d never put any emphasis on those acts.  They happened, but other than that acknowledgement they played no part in my romantic dreams.

Not to mention the fact that most of my older stories, even those with explicitly romantic relationships, were mainly focused on more platonic relationships, such as between my stand-in characters and those of my best friend Blake.  (The fact that so many of those stories involved our stand-ins ending up in long term very close friendships, or one of us being a girl and getting together, is fairly conclusive evidence that my subconscious desires for our relationship were probably not as platonic as I would have been willing to admit at the time.)

But even if I could be romantically attracted to guys, I still felt like I was romantically attracted to girls too.  And maybe perhaps those other nonbinary genders that I was still trying to wrap my head around.  I was still very confused about the different labels people were using, and wondered if there was a term for me.

I don’t know when exactly I found it, or what led me to find it in the first place, but one day I came across that label.  That perfect label to describe how I was feeling.

Asexual Biromantic

In my case, it refers to the fact that I have little to no interest in sex (except for the purpose of producing children), but that I am still interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with someone, and it doesn’t matter if they are a girl or a boy (or something else).

So, now I had a fancy label to stick on myself.  But there was still the matter of coming to terms with and accepting the fact that I wasn’t straight.  And that’s where my family’s upbringing really held me back in this process.

I am a Christian.  I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was nine.  I firmly believe in the Christian teachings of sin and forgiveness and all that stuff.  And as part of all that religious upbringing, I was taught that homosexuality was a sin.

But now I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I couldn’t lie to myself and say that I was just imagining these feelings.  They weren’t exactly the most pleasant, considering the guy I liked barely knew I existed, not to mention the many other reasons a relationship between us was highly unlikely.  To feel like this about someone and know that there is almost no chance that they could reciprocate those feelings is not fun.  If it was a matter of choice, why in the world would I choose this sort of emotional pain over being “normal”?

But I also couldn’t just up and dump everything about my Christian beliefs either.  So much of what I’d been taught I’d accepted as unfailing truth.  Not to mention the many religious experts who spent so much time trying to prove that the Bible truly condemns people like this.  Reading their arguments was definitely not good for my psyche at the time, even with reading counterarguments concerning mistranslations helping to bolster my hope during that period.

In the end, I fell back on the most important truth of them all:  that God loves me.  That He made me specifically the way I am.  And that there was no logic, no reason, for Him to make me something that would be condemned by Him just for existing.  That’s not how God works.  God Is Love.  And He loves me, despite the many mistakes I’ve made in my life.  And that was good enough for me.

In the end, I finally accepted myself for who and what I was.  I came out to my new famder family on my 29th birthday.   They were all so supportive of me.  Over time, I’ve even become comfortable enough telling them more of my struggles with these sorts of things, including my ongoing feelings for this guy, and every single one has been nothing but loving and encouraging to me.  This famderdom truly has been one of the best things to ever happen to me.

But this isn’t the end of my story.  You see, I’m still not out in real life.  I’m afraid to tell my family.  I may have changed my views on the matter, but they all remain firmly attached to their passive homophobia.  I’m honestly legitimately concerned about what they might do to me if they knew.

But I still have hope.  Hope that someday I’ll be in a place where I feel safe enough to tell them.  Hope that I’ll be able to meet and make friends with people in real life who are in the community.  Hope that someday I’ll be able to openly be myself without fearing what others might say.  And hope that I’ll finally find someone I’ll love who will love me back and who will build a life with me.

And I guess that’s all any of us hope for.  To be loved for who we are and not to be afraid.

Here’s hoping that day will come soon.  For all of us.

***********************

Well, that’s about it for now.  I’ll see you all next month (hopefully) for another thrilling installment of David’s Bio-Monday.  In the meantime, if you’d like to be added/removed from my Tag List for this or any other regular post type on my blog, feel free to let me know.  Until next time, friends.

General Tag List:

@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2

Bio-Monday Tag List:

@rose-gold-roman @alexthechaotic

[tempo-takoyaki]

Hey so,, I'm not shaming you I'm genuinely asking: why do you ship tenkouma? I don't understand the dynamic

Okay... I’m really bad at analysing stuff so.. I’ll do my best, I guess, to explain why I like it! (even tho most of the times it’s stupid reasons) And sorry it’ll be mostly about the fandom and my personal view about that because it’s important for why I ship it.

So. First of all, surprisingly, it’s the fandom who made me discover the ship. Not the game.(Because Tenko’s and Kokichi’s interaction can be count on the fingers of one of your hands honestly, they... don’t interact at all... Or really rarely.) And uhm.. The first I thought was : “You... you can ship Ten-Tenko with... guys?” And that was weird for me because I wasn’t really invested in the activist shipper of the fandom and I was kinda like... a passive shipper. I like it I ship it. I don’t really care about the fandom opinion (unless when the fandom is really aggressive, then for my own survival I will care.) So I didnt cared that much about Tenko’s sexuality and thought like everyone that she was a lesbian.

But it’s when I discovered ship that included Tenko in a relationship with guys that I started to care. First of all, the only two that seemed to exist were : Amacha (Amami x Chabashira, really cute ship name btw) and Tenkouma (the one that interest us right now and can also be called Tenkokichi). Amacha had more shipper from the pixiv/japanese side, while Tenkouma had only one amazing artist called @oreosampai (check their stuff please) mostly and eventually one or two other stuffs on the japanese side. So now you must have noticed one thing : I said the “japanese side” a lot didn’t I ?

And that’s where the other problem come from : THE WESTERN FANDOM ! Yeah because the main difference between the western fandom and the japanese wandom is that : western includes political stuff, japanese don’t. So... the japanese fandom is more open to shipping Tenko with men (even if it’s rare) than the western fandom that already included her in the LGBT community as a lesbian. And I’m not saying she can’t be a lesbian (she clearly is into girl) but... she can also be bisexual or pansexual. I don’t see the problem here. But the activist are always here... waiting to jump and slice the throat to anyone who would say the contrary.

So first of all, I liked it when I discovered it. I was like “It’s healthy, I’m okay with it. i like it.” without thinking too much. But i didn’t tried to go past that because I knew that there could be at any time people who would harass me for simply liking it.

And that’s when the story came.

The story that I created that would make this ship one of my OTP’s.

(You can read about it here)

It was created on just one thought : what would happen if someone that declared themselves homsexual and had decided to follow that until the end, invested themselves into the LGBTQ+ community as much as they could and did anything to be what they think they are, homosexual, discovered that they had fallen in love with someone from the opposite sex ?

This question made me ship the two of them.

I wanted something that wasn’t like any LGBTQ+ stuff we’ve seen before. i wanted a scenario that would make the LGBTQ+ community go nuts. I wanted to create a story... that gave freedom.

Instead of forcing the characters into a box, I decided to open it. And to ask the question : what is love?

Is it about gender? Is it about sexuality?

When you ask yourself those question, it usually end up with the character discovering their sexual orientation (usually homsexual then). But what if... it was the other way around? What if the character discovered that they were a part of the “majority” ? (and I say that with those stuff : “” OKAY?) What if... they had to go to a side that they quit, and didn’t wanted to get back too? What if in the end, both of those sides felt... aggressive? Not just one, boths.

I wanted to make a bisexual dilemma on BOTH side. With characters who thought they were homosexual.

The only one who could fit that category were : Tenko... and Kokichi.

It’s not that hard to see Kokichi as a bisexual actually. Since he is pretty mysterious. But Tenko... do you get the impact that would have on her? Do you know the plot potential of such discovery?

It couldn’t work out with any other characters, because either were already clearly bisexual (Shuichi) or thought they were heterosexual, so that couldn’t give the vibe I wanted. If I had chosen a character from the other game, it would only be a crack ship. Tenkouma was ready for this. Tenkouma was the ship I needed.

They were related enough to interact, and not close enough to have a development. They were what I needed. 

Plus, to get out of the LGBTQ+ discussion : they are polar opposite on their way of thinking. Kaito and Kokichi have just polar opposite personality, Tenko and Kokichi... It’s their whole thinking process that’s different. you have a person who displays their emotions as much as they can and someone that hide as much as they can. In this way, isn’t it kind of similar to Tenmiko? But this time... It’s level 99. Since in the end, Himiko is not as good as Kokichi to hide her emotions. And everyone knows that she do that, so her shell can easily be broken as we saw ingame. But Kokichi? He doesn’t display it. You need to know him closely to know he got that shell. His paranoia and egoism reinforcing it. And even so, it would be really hard to break it.

So what if, instead of the lies, someone tried to look beneath that shell? Tried to make him show his true emotions and accepting them? 

Don’t you think that Tenko could do something like that?

Shuichi is a small pick for Kokichi’s shell, Tenko is a pickaxe. She would try to make him acknowledge his true emotions more than anyone else. Because, if she had done that with Himiko, couldn’t she do it with Kokichi too?

That’s just my way of thinking. But yeah, the story I made is a big part for why I ship it. i didn’t create this story for a ship, the story created the ship.

In the more fun part : imagine the phantom thief au! It would be something like Sailor Moon don’t you think? I mean, Tenko mentioned she was a “superhero” with her master. And with her personality it could totally be something like a magical girl stuff. A rivalry between her and Kokichi would be awesome! We can go into romance too but also stay in a platonic way for the both of them. There’s potential!

But as much as I ship it, I don’t think it would be possible ingame or with Himiko around. For this ship to work, we need to get rid of Himiko. And that’s why it’s rare, because honestly : who would get rid of the precious small bean! She’s way too cute! (that’s not ironic I really do like Himiko a lot). Plus she is an important part of Tenko’s evolution so she shouldn’t simply not exist anymore. Himiko can’t disappear. And because of that the ship won’t work. For this to work out, we need to put Himiko in another relationship to give Tenko freedom for hers. If the main ship with her is Tenmiko, it’s for a reason : her relationship with Tenko is her anchor and chain. A prison and an important part of her being. 

But also... Didn’t you noticed how Tenko was in her free time events? When she understood that her master was a men, she acknowledge the fact that she was able to like some men. Using her hate against men isn’t an argument to make her be uninterested in boys, it’s an argument to make her interest in boys. (I love internal conflict and denial)

I used to be scared of the fandom for this ship. But now, I think it’s because of that, that I could grew as a person. Because I don’t think inside a box. I think about all the different possibility now.

We grew up, we change. That’s why I ship Tenkouma. 

It would be a progress for both characters : Tenko and boys, Kokichi and his emotions.They can influence each other in all the ways possible. For the best and the worst.

I ship it because of all of that. I ship it because of the story I created. 

...

Basically I ship it for the angst potential. THE BIG ANGST POTENTIAL.

(I really need to write that story...)

Sorry that was long... and maybe unclear. ^^’ But I don’t really have a reason to be honest. My reason is my story. That’s all. And besides, do you really need a reason to like something? (I’m not attacking you, I’m just asking a rhetorical question ^^)

And if the scenario of my story is awful for some people : I understand why and I respect their decision. But don’t say it’s homophobic, because it’s an heterosexual relationship, because it’s clearly not.

[glenngaylord]

IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE CINEMA - My Review of WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? (4 1/2 Stars)

There’s no other way of putting this.  Morgan Neville, who won an Academy Award for his fantastic documentary, 20 FEET FROM STARDOM, has outdone himself with one of the best, most emotionally fulfilling, resonant films of our time.  Tracing the career of Fred Rogers, the creator and star of the popular, decades-long running children’s program, “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood”, WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR? exudes as much generosity and kindness as the man himself.

Confession time.  I never cared for the program.  I found Rogers’ personality passively unctuous and the pacing of his show deadly dull.  Give me the acid trip that was “Pee Wee’s Playhouse” any day over this.  I also always assumed Rogers’ was a closeted gay man, same with Pee Wee for that matter, so things always felt a little off to me in a somewhat creepy way.

Years later when Martin Short’s Jiminy Glick would disingenuously go on about his wife Dixie while whispering in his high-pitched voice, I couldn’t help but think of Fred Rogers.  It would almost literally take an Act of Congress to turn me around on Mr. Rogers.  And yet, here we are, with a remarkable film, hitting this world at just the right time, convincing me that this man was nothing less than a national treasure.  

How we treat each other has shifted dramatically since the days his show debuted in the late 1960s.  Civility seems to have disappeared as we bury our faces in our phones and yell at each other on Facebook.  Sure, we’ve also made great steps towards diversity and experiencing other cultures, but there’s not a whole lot of evidence that our social skills are improving.  When you see the President of the United States spouting racist, sexist, homophobic remarks, or mocking the #METOO movement, or threatening to commit violent acts against those who oppose him, you know we’ve come a long way from changing into a cardigan and espousing love, kindness, and good listening skills.  

This, however, is exactly what Fred Rogers stood for, this man who was a lifelong Republican and an ordained Presbyterian Minister who exemplified the best values of them whereas both seemed to have been overrun by true monsters.  This documentary does a great job of showing what a radical badass he was, from the topics he discussed on his show such as the evils of segregation and separatism.  His puppet creations even got in on his aesthetic by highlighting the folly of building a wall around a country.  Incredible prescience!  That slow pace I despised as a child even had its purpose.  Fred found great value in the spaces between words, attentiveness, and the peacefulness in a slowed down world. I think so many of us are craving this right now more than ever, and Rogers led it by glorious example.  

Footage of him almost single-handedly saving the Public Broadcasting System, which then President Nixon wanted to gut to pay for the Vietnam War, floored me.  His unwavering dedication to those delicate years of childhood development probably helped stave off the an even bigger wave of bratty bullies we now hear about daily.  

It’s quite unnerving to hear conservative pundits trying to blame Rogers for influencing generations of entitle brats, when his entire mission was based on kindness.  It would be so easy to point those fingers at the truly awful people in the world, like Fred Phelps and his despicable gang, but if we’re to learn anything from this film, it’s learning how to fight for your beliefs while still maintaining love for your neighbors.  Sounds hokey, but it’s possibly the only way we may ever get ourselves out of this mess.  

But enough soapboxing, let’s talk about the film itself.  I wish it had delved more into Rogers’ upbringing and personal life.  It’s a bit of a puff piece in that regard, but my guess is that he was such a Modern Day Jesus that absolutely nobody had anything bad to say about the man.  You certainly feel the love from his delightful wife and sons as well as his many colleagues.  Most touching of all is how he handled his friendship with François Clemmons, who played Officer Clemmons.  Openly gay in real life, he portrayed black Officer Clemmons, who at the height of the Civil Rights Movement gets invited by Rogers to share a dip in a little swimming pool.  At the time, this was truly groundbreaking stuff.  Clemmons also discussed being openly gay, with Rogers wanting to hide this lest they lose their sponsors.  Despite this understandable misstep, Rogers proved to be a loving friend to people of all stripes.  His treatment of a children with disabilities moved me to tears, as did almost every single act of kindness in this film.

Everything I felt about this man got turned around by what I saw here.  Even my suspicions that he was gay get discussed when Tom Snyder, a major talk show host in the 1970s asked Fred if he was gay.  He actually asks him if he’s “square”, if he’s straight.  It’s an odd moment which doesn’t get a response out of Fred.  Part of me thinks he still may have been gay, or maybe he was the classic effeminate heterosexual.  It doesn’t matter.  WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR celebrates what the man was about rather than delve into extraneous details.  It feels gloriously well-rounded and has one of the loveliest endings I’ve ever seen, one which honors his aesthetic in the most perfect of ways, and once again, reduced me to tears.  Bring plenty of tissues and an open heart which wants to be filled.  Do not miss this absolutely great documentary.  

[shinitai-jelly]

A Rant

Ya know I’m sick of being home. I’m tired of summer break and I’m 3 weeks into it. The first week I spent on vacation with my boyfriend and it was a good week, but since then I’ve been depressed and down. Even when my boyfriend visited I was happy around him and happy to see him, but there are so many rules and stuff in my house I didn’t even really get to wholely enjoy his visit. I’m so depressed here that even things that would make me happy or entertain me before aren’t as much anymore. Or I don’t even do some things that I enjoy because I am home. I LOVE legos and I love to put them together and make things and use my imagination, but at home, I feel so... looked down upon. Like I’m a child. I’m a big man baby who likes video games and legos and I’m too childish and need to grow up. I got an Otamatone for my birthday from my boyfriend and my stepdad looked down at me and said, “Why would anyone get you that stupid toy?” I can’t enjoy the things I enjoy here without hearing someone talk bad about what I’m doing. This is so ironic because I feel as though I act more of an adult cleaning up the psychological pieces they leave behind and helping them with financial situations. And I know I’m derailing here but since I mentioned my stepdad I might as well open that can of worms.

My stepdad is such a terrible parent. He was kind at first, but after a while, he turned toxic. It’s kinda like a fruit that fresh for like a day or two then rots quickly. He does nothing but makes me feel like shit. He hasn’t hit me... yet, but he has threatened to do so many times. It’s every aspect, every sentence, every action is just another to tear me down. Like I said he talks to heavily down on anything deemed childish, and won’t be afraid to say something about it. I don’t even draw in front of him or show him artwork or anything because of this, if I can’t enjoy anything why would I want to share it with him? But it’s not even childish things it’s other aspects too! I’m gay (if you couldn’t tell) and oh boy, even though he doesn’t say anything to my face I can tell he REALLY doesn’t like it. But at the same time, he doesn’t censor anything about gay people and his opinions in front of me either saying things like “we should go out and kill all the faggots and carpet eaters” or “I hope Trump gets rid of all these fags”. The amount of disrespect that he spews, and he demands we treat him with even an ounce of respect. Also, I’ve struggled with mental health for quite a while and he will bluntly ask me “What’s wrong with you?” like I’m a creature or visibly ill anytime I try to talk about it. He’s also insulted me for crying when I get overly angry or frustrated like when I was trying to explain to him that he wasn’t being a good parent. He also tries gaslighting a lot. Such as in the explanation I said I was giving he would deny anything negative I said. For example, on two occasions, he has eluded to me dying or killing myself. Like I jokingly said “if there were no people there wouldn’t be any problems in the world” and he told me to go out and shoot myself with the shotgun and be the first one. Even if it was a joke that’s something you shouldn’t tell your son especially during the point in my life as I was at. I told him he said these things, I said he does nothing but tear me down and he denied it all, said I should have a thicker skin and get over it. Even if I am a bit oversensitive what right does HE have to fucking tear me down? Oh and here’s the latest gag being supplied by him. There was a noise on my car and he basically said: “Go jack it up and find out what's wrong.”  I didn’t know where the jack was and I don’t know anything at all about cars and when I asked for help it was all aggression and him telling me if I don’t learn this I’ll get nowhere in life. Also when demanding I help him with his own car and ignore my own, my mom spoke up and said something only to say I won’t succeed in life. It’s not the first time he’s said this or eluded to this with me before. When I decided I didn’t wanna be a mortician anymore he told me it was the worst decision I could make and he pestered me about it whenever he could and tried to get me to meet morticians in the area to change my mind. There are more things he does that pisses me off but I think I should switch to my mother next before this post becomes only about him.

My mother... My mother... The only person I can even stand here right now and even then I can’t forgive her for anything she’s done. She thinks to be tolerant but still obviously homophobic and completely dismissive of anything I have to think or say is good parenting? She thinks dumping all of her problems both psychological and financial on me is good parenting? She does congratulate me on the good things I do and has been supportive of my boyfriend and my college major decision but... I can’t forgive the past. She was so toxic before and ruined me and seems to only care now about it even though she ignores it all happened. Her sending me to church counselors, grounding me, taking my friends, school activities, and items away all for being gay. I tried several times to tell her I tried so hard to reason with her. Everything went bad every time. One time she slapped me and I smashed a mirror, and then I lived with that constant reminder hanging in my room that my own family didn’t love me because of something I couldn’t change. That’s not the only thing she wasn’t supportive of at the time. I remember I tried showing her drawings and she’d dismiss them, until one day I showed her a drawing that took me 3 hours to do and she said it was stupid and I shouldn’t draw what I drew anymore. I almost gave up art entirely there. I’m glad I didn’t. She also didn’t like that I was helping in two of the school plays. I stopped doing plays after the second one because it wasn’t my thing but still the way she talked about it made me feel like quitting sooner. I joined my high school marching band and she was more supportive of that, even though she missed any and all times I played. She apologized for it all the time for it but it did hurt knowing that she probably didn’t care enough to even try and show up when I knew she could. It felt like she had this standard for me hanging in the air and looked down at me like I wasn’t good enough when I didn’t meet her expectations. Now I think she realizes she made a lot of mistakes and that I’m probably going to leave as soon as I can and is trying to make up for it because she feels no one else in this house actually cares. Which is sad in its own right, but that doesn’t excuse tearing down my self-esteem and turning me into a self-hating, low self-esteemed, passive, quiet, awkward monster.

Speaking of monsters, you know who are monsters? Teenagers. My sister is a teenager now and my god is she a delinquent. She is so rebellious and has the biggest attitude a child could have. She back talks teachers, makes bad grades, yells at our parents. She’s crumbling into a bad kid and is going down a dark path and I can’t even help her. She won’t listen to reason and believes we’re all out to get her and ruin her life which we’re not! We’re trying to help! Beyond that she is pretty cool, we have a lot of the same interests. I just don’t like where she’s heading as a person.

Ya know, I wasn’t going to talk about this, but while writing I remembered him and it made me sad. Ya know, no one knows how I truly feel about this and I don’t think anyone cares anyway. But my real dad. He killed himself several years ago. It tears me up inside like a blender blade in my chest sometimes. It’s difficult, because I don’t have anyone to talk to who understands or who is on the same wavelength enough for me to talk to (there’s a kid who lost his mom but he’s beyond talking to as he’s so far into drugs I’d basically be talking to a braindead worm). So I bottle up all these feelings. My mom doesn’t believe it was suicide, but I think it was. When you’re at your lowest you’d be surprised what a person is willing to do (hell I almost ran away twice). So I could believe he did I mean he was willing to leave me and my mom only to come back later and leave again so why wouldn’t he? I don’t want to end up like him. I don’t want to hurt people in my life only to kill myself in the end. Although I’m not good for much else so that’s probably what’ll end up happening anyway. And thinking of this scares me.

[ofsingingviolas]

I have a Stalker || Dear Athena

Hello, my dear. 

Guess what? I don’t know if I told you about the girl who came into my ask box, asked a question without context about my beliefs, then unfollowed me? After that, her mutuals started making posts about me. Never mentioning me by name, but calling me homophobic, a moron, hateful, and a few other nasty things. 

I made two posts. One said, “I don’t understand why people unfollow me, for things I never even post about.” To which I was told that I was terrible for making lgbt people ‘feel like they have a false sense of security when I secretly hate them’… the girl who was attacking me used to be one of my favorite mutuals. Also, I never posted about my stance with the lgbt community because it didn’t matter on a PJO blog… That’s partially what they’re mad about. I’m apparently a liar. 

I began to get anons, calling me a horrible person, a bitch, and a liar. Of course, they also called me homophobic and claimed I was using Christianity as a crutch to spread hate. 

I had never spoken about the topic until she asked me. I didn’t want to lie to her, but I’m not going to hide from my beliefs. You know that. 

My other post was directed at the people making posts about me. It was a call-out to stop vaguely posting about me and talk to me directly. The Original girl seemed to let the subject drop. While a certain person (of whom we have spoken about before) began answering asks and basically rallying people against me. (Though they claim they would never do that.) They called me a moron, said I deserved 0 followers, said I was hateful, and a terrible person. This person had already blocked me weeks before, making vague posts about me back then too. 

Frustrated, I made a post on my personal blog. I believe it was along the lines of “why are you going to ask me things when you know you won’t like the answer?” 

While answering one of the anons, I made the mistake of mentioning my personal blog where I post my Christian and political views. Three people came onto my personal blog and began sending me cruel messages there. By now, I had told a friend what was going on, and he went to the person posting crap about me and spammed their ask box. The person posting crap about me just got amused, thinking it was me. 

By then I’d had enough. I posted an apology for my passive aggressiveness, but not for my beliefs. About five people blocked me. Three of them former mutuals. But the iconic thing is- the original girl who came into my ask box and started this didn’t block me. I had assumed she did. But no. 

Now, months later… I accidentally ended up at her blog, and look what I found. 

#this person i’m almost starting to deeply hate is also racist#and homophobic#and transphobic#and generally a complete dick disguised as a sweet person#god why#it pisses me off so much that she calls herself christian#but she isn’t even close to being actually good#i am an atheist#but my family is deeply catholic#my mom has a degree in teology#so trust me when i say i know the bible#and i know what jesus said#and it wasn’t what she is saying#nghhh i hate her so much

… She not only is still posting about me. But because I do not post anything about my beliefs on my pjo blog, this means she has been looking at my personal blog for reasons I cannot fathom. This was May 7th. 

But that’s not all… 

you can see that i’m still pissed at a thing that happened a while ago bc literally all of my blogs have switched from casually gay to Super Gay™. no one ever will be able to see my blog and think “hey how nice this is a fellow straight i can talk to about my prejudiced bullshit ideals” the amount of lesbianism will drive them away first

#also friendly reminder that if you follow me and/or are my mutual #and you also happen to believe i’ll go to hell bc i like girls #you must unfollow me right now #i do not have time for your thinly disguised homophobia

This was May 11th. 

What I find amusing about this post is the fact I knew she was a lesbian when I followed her. Months ago. I never treated her any different than my straight followers. Why would I??? I don’t treat lgbt people different. I don’t agree with them. That doesn’t mean I hate them.  (I unfollowed her after she came into my ask box. We have had no contact in months- except for her spying on my personal blog apparently.) 

How do I know she has been on my personal blog? 

#she is even islamophobic!!!#ugh#tbd

May 14th. 

I had not posted anything about Islam for at least two days. Meaning she actually scrolled through the blog. 

She’s stalking my blog and trashing me.  

Now, I have some points I would like to make. Because frankly, I am frustrated, amused, and generally shocked. I had completely moved on and never mentioned anything. She is stalking me. 

In reply to her first post about me. 

“Is also racist-” 

Please point me to where I have been racist. Also, note that I am a POC. I know that people of color are racist too, but I believe she assumes I’m white. Because I don’t think black people are oppressed by the government? Sure there are racist people who are wrong and should be held responsible for their actions. But as a whole, POC aren’t oppressed by a nation or by whites. 

“homophobic, transphobic-”

I can’t really deny this one. Though I despise what the words imply. They imply that I’m afraid of them because I do not understand them. They imply that I hate them. I. Do. Not. Hate. Them. Disagreeing with someone does not imply you hate them! I disagree with Mormons. I disagree with people who think it’s okay to watch the movie before the book. I disagree with people who think it’s okay to have sex before marriage. That does not mean I hate them. 

“and generally a complete dick disguised as a sweet person-”

Okay, I understand that you thought I accepted the lgbt community as this wonderful thing just like the rest of Tumblr. But besides the day that people were actually attacking me, when have I ever been a d*ck? I was passive aggressive that day. That was wrong of me. But I was also being attacked. You and your friends obviously have no problem with trashing someone that disagrees with you. I have left you alone, and yet you’re stalking my blog and making horrid posts about me behind my back. You seem sweet until someone disagrees with you. How am I the one being the terrible person here, Darlin? 

“It pisses me off that she calls herself a Christian…” 

No no, I AM a Christian sweetheart. Why does that make you angry? Christians are not supposed to get along with everyone. 

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” - Matthew 10:34

“but isn’t even close to being actually good…” 

Well, obviously I am not good. 

“And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.” - Mark 10:18

Christians aren’t good. We strive to live according to the Word of God- imperfectly. But, I don’t think good is what you really mean. I think you mean nice or accepting or -dare I say it- tolerating. If that’s your intention, then you are right. I do not change my convictions. But when- when before you came into my ask box did I treat you unkindly? When have I treated anyone rudely?

“I’m an atheist- but-”

No, no, no ‘buts’… You lose your right to a ‘but’ when you admit you’re an atheist and have not asked me anything about my belief (other than one question about hell) -therefore have a bias and most likely do not properly understand what I believe. If you are not open to talking to me about it, do not tell me ‘but’. Also, if you are an atheist, why does my saying I am a Christian offend you? You do not even claim to believe as I do. How are you upset? Is it because I do not meet your standards of what a Christian is supposed to be? You are not my standard, Darlin. 

“My family is deeply Catholic-”

Hon… Catholics don’t believe the same thing as reformed Protestants… They’re so so different… Also, this shows that you may not know the history of the church or anything other than your family’s Catholic beliefs… Why are you making yourself a standard of what a Christian should be? Also, what do your family’s beliefs have to do with me or this conversation? Unless they taught you what Reformed Protestants believe in detail, I do not see the connection. 

“My mother has a degree teology. So trust me when I say I know the Bibile…” 

Okay, this one I’m 90% sure is just a typo- but it’s theology….

I have three pastors I have classes with- seminary graduates. Three of my teachers have degrees in theology. My dad didn’t study theology in college, but has two books bigger than Order of the Phoenix on Reformed theology, and has read countless other smaller books on the subjects… He’s no pastor… but my dad knows his stuff. 

But I still don’t see how this applies to the situation. You claim to be an atheist. Are you trying to compete with me? To prove you know more about the Bible than I do?

“I know what Jesus said, and it’s not what she says-” 

��. Obviously. Obviously, it’s not what I say. Never listen to my opinion of what Jesus said. I’ve only posted actual bible verses. I’ve posted what the scripture says about itself. 

(Also it’s kinda a known fact in the church that Catholics don’t read the scriptures personally- but I’m not sure how true that is for her family since her mom has a degree- but still… she’s an atheist I have my doubts…)

Another thing, Hon. Your mother has a degree. You don’t. Have you studied as much as she has? Have you dedicated time and work into learning what the Bible truly says? Or do you form opinions based off what you hear your mother say? Have you been through lessons and classes and genuinely tried to learn? To understand? 

My guess, because you are an atheist, is no. 

Also, I would like to point out that I have studied scripture since I was a child. I’ve had many different teachers with degrees in theology, Bible studies with my father, personal classes with the pastor’s wife who taught me and my best friend and equipped us well enough to write six essays which I then had to read in front of my church elders confirming that I know what I believe and that I am a full member of my church. 

I know what I believe, Hon. Don’t worry about that. I’m grounded. I’m also being taught personally by my pastor every Wednesday night.

“She is even islamophobic…” 

Well… Yeah. I disagree with Islam. That’s kinda a given. We’re two separate religions based in two separate gods, with two separate messages. 

There were literally wars because Christians and Muslims don’t get along. 

I’m not saying I hate them. Once again, disagree and hate are two separate things. But I do strongly disagree with everything about Islam. Frankly, I don’t understand how you are their ally, considering Isalm is the religion that says to kill all homosexuals. Also, you consider yourself a feminist, and Islam thinks a woman is equal to a dog. Have you every looked into their beliefs? I’m not talking about this stupid “accept everyone” American stuff - which is not true Christianity or Islam btw - but what they actually believe? My guess is, no. You haven’t. 

What was she trying to accomplish? Why is she so mad? 

Why is she still stalking me???

She’s this mad, and I haven’t spoken to her in months. 

I’m… actually amused.