#and I want to go on hiatus so bad but I feel guilty about feeling like this

[eldrichfuck666]

you're faithless, for you pitched me against your holy father and it seems that I am winning

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Hello! I was wondering if you could do a small request? I was thinking of platonic Yandere Dick and batsib where batsib is getting harassed(hope I spelled it right) at school or online but can’t find Jason or the others so finally gives in and asks Dick for help on how to handle the situation?

A/N: Yes, ofc! Thank you for requesting. I was originally never going to post the og headcanon because i thought people wouldn't like a darker take on him. I'm so happy you guys do. its actually dick just cyber bullying you into coming to him loll

Warnings: concepts of online harrassment, but it's mainly fluff.

Requests: open 24/7

Masterlist

"Sweetie, don't cry. Tell your big brother what happened, okay?" Dick's voice cooed as he used his thumb to gently wipe away your tears.

This wasn't a position you imagine yourself to be in. You never figured you'd be coming to Dick for anything. Ever. Let alone comfort. For the past few months of being in Wayne's house, you've avoided your older brother like the plague. There wasn't any circumstance you wanted to be around him, you didn't particularly like him for your own reasons. Jason was the one you found the most comfort in. He made you feel safe and at ease unlike Dick.

But Jason wasn't here right now. He and the others were taking their shift on patrol and they wouldn't be back at least until the sun rose. Dick was the only one home and available to help with the situation at hand.

~~~~

You had recently started up a social media account with much persuasion from your sibling, Barbra. It was just supposed to be something wholesome to better connect with the other siblings as it was a frequency they used. You weren't too fond of the whole thing, it was slightly anxiety inducing but you agreed to make them happy. They felt bad about sharing so many family photos without you being as they were all proud to show you off.

Unexpectedly, you kind of got into it. You started spending quite a few hours scrolling posts and sharing videos to your siblings, even deciding to make a few of your own...not thinking much of it.

It was great and all of the feedback was positive, mainly being from your sibling or school friends. It was a fun and rather safe escape for you to enjoy on your downtime.

That was until you finally decided to check your laptop after a few days away. To your surprise, lots of new notifications flooded your inbox. Maybe your post went viral or something, you excitedly thought to yourself.

The excitement quickly died down after reading through every comment and message you received during your hiatus. Copious amounts of vile content flooded your eyes. Most of them attacked your appearance or the fact you were 'just another pitiful orphan'. But nothing disturbed you like the dm you received that was filled with death threats and altered photos of you.

Mixed feelings of terror, anxiety and sadness overtook your body. You were never one to cry much but this, this did something to you. The only thing you wanted was to be held. Your safe space was ripped from you and turned into a heinous landfill, you felt so violated. You knew that person was only behind a screen but what if they were coming for you? What if it was an enemy of your family? You weren't nearly as trained or half as capable as your siblings and this person probably knew that. What if they're not around and that person captures you..

You didn't want to die. You didn't want to be their target….

~~~~~

You could sense the blood boiling beneath Grayson's skin as told him all that happened. For once in your life you seen his smile drop and his eyes growing dark., his sky blue eyes were nearly a deep black. He couldn't stop the fury from seeping into his vein as he thought about all the ways to get his revenge on the person who made you like this.

He never wanted to see his baby sister in this state, he didn't like that you couldn't enjoy yourself. He felt so guilty, this was his fault. He gave the green light to Babs about the social media thing when she brought it up to him. How could he be so stupid? Why didn't he think about the possibility of something like this?

It was supposed to be something to get you out of your shell and closer with them, not a breeding ground for degenerate fuckers like that.

He was silent for a while, entrapped in his own mind and anger before you tugged on his shirt.

"..Dick, please help me. I'm so scared. I really don't want to die. What am i going to do?" Your words were almost inaudible as you choked over them. The few lone tears turned into a heavy stream. You needed him to make this all go away. It was too much for you to handle alone.

Your plea for his help snapped him out of his thoughts. Dick's heart nearly crumbling at the cracks in your voice. He loved you so much and making sure you knew you were safe was the most important thing. The plotting could wait, there was plenty of time to take care of them. Softening his face, he flashed you his pretty smile, and took your hands in his.

"Do you think your older brother, Dick, would ever let them come through these doors and hurt you?"

You shook your head and rubbed at your puffy, red eyes.

"My sweet birdie. You have to know as long as i'm living, you'll be safe."

Dick hesitantly opened his arms out for a hug, not sure if you'd be willing to accept it this time. To his surprise, you did. Practically throwing yourself into his embrace, you wrapped you arms around his neck and sobbing in the crook of his neck.

You tightly held onto him as you nuzzled your head as deeper into it. Maybe you were wrong in your judgement of him?,,,or maybe it was the heat of the moment, but something about this was actually…nice. You never had a hug that felt as warm and protecting as this was now. There was just something so precious about the he handled you with so much care. It was as if you were made out of some kind of delicate material.

A feeling of regret rushed your body as you thought back to all the times you avoided and othered him. Was this what you were missing all those times?

You could've been getting love like this but you willingly rejected it all. Stupid.

"...I'm sorry,,,"

A curious hum left his voice as he wondered what you could be referring to. None of this was your fault nor was coming to him any sort of burden.

",,,for y'know.”

You could feel his head gently tilt to the side as he was still confused as to what you meant.

“I've been a bad sister to you, dick. I’m so sorry.” Your shaky voice was pitched high as you fought against your tears.

Shaking his head, he rubbed circles on your back.

Richard held his own breath for a moment, processing the words you just said. It was almost unbelievable to hear those words escaping from your mouth. Almost as unbelievable for you to finally be in his arms like this, at your most vulnerable. A fuzziness started in the depths of his stomach and exploded his body in bliss.

This was a long awaited feeling he so desperately had been craving. At that moment, all of his patience was worth it. All he ever wanted was to be your safety net, your best friend and he’s finally getting it. He wanted you to hug him like this forever. He wanted you to be safe right here in his arms. This was everything he could ask for.

Pay offs like this confirms he chose right in prioritizing his family over everything. His tendencies weren’t indeed crazy but necessary. He’s the backbone of the bats.

Dick’s muscular arms tightening in their embrace, gave you a nice squeeze.

"If you were a bad sister, i wouldn't love you as much as i do. The world doesn't deserve an angel like you, neither do i."

Dick breaks the hug and puts your hands in his once more. A soft kiss is planted on your forehead and there's a beat that passes as he's observing you. His smile is wider than ever. To him, you're the most perfect sibling he could ever ask for.

"I'll do whatever it takes, even bending a few rules, if that means you can sleep peacefully. I’m your nightwing."

[serverusslaype]

Shameless, pt. 15

Severus Snape x professor!reader fic

Shameless Masterpost

hey guys.................. dont kill me. i'm so sorry for the incredibly lengthy hiatus.... i had no motivation, each time i opened the file to type i'd type a couple words, maybe a paragraph and close it. i finally found the motivation to finish this chapter recently, i'm hoping it stays. it's been a rough couple months, so hoping this can help me feel a bit better!!

i felt really guilty for sort of abandoning the fic where it was, but i couldn't force myself to write anything, there was no creative juice, i think i sort of burnt myself out. and for the previous posts saying i was back, i thought i was, but i'd have the smallest spark of inspiration and try to write, but then nothing happened, and i felt bad so i didn't want to say something like, sorry, i lied. :(

hopefully this chapter is okay, i know most of you won't like it, but i'm so glad i finally finished it, it was one of the hardest to write because i had so many ideas on how it'd end and effect the whole story itself, so i had to make sure it made sense.

i can't believe you guys are still here after so long, it made me emotional to see all of your asks and comments and likes, i was just floored to be honest, so thank you so much for your unwavering support. i love you all so so much. honestly. holy shit. this has been a journey. <3 i hope you guys are all doing brilliantly.

warnings: lack of snape, swearing, mentions of adultery, slight domestic violence, verbal abuse at the end

You didn't know where to go. You felt... lost. You couldn't exactly go back to your quarters, not with Ben there, you didn't need more questions about why you were crying your eyes out at this time of night. It's not like you could tell him the truth.

So, you did what anyone would: go for a midnight walk. Well, at least that's what you thought anyone would do when they had nowhere to go. You'd hoped that the fresh, cold air would soothe your burning lungs, and the gentle breeze would dry your teary eyes. In an even deeper, darker part of your mind, you also hoped that Black would find you. Perhaps that would make everything... easier.

With tears still streaming freely from your eyes and heavy feet, you padded towards the large, magnificent doors that led to the outside with your arms wrapped around your body tightly; trying your best not to breakdown until you were alone. Your hands were still shaking as you pushed them against the doors, opening it a tad as the cool wind blew through the crack and into your face. You gasped a little at the sharp breeze, but nonetheless you slipped out, and made your way into the courtyard. The temperature was a little more biting than you had anticipated, and so you squeezed your arms around yourself a little tighter, walking towards the infamous wooden, crooked bridge.

As you sauntered through the courtyard, the only noises you heard were the owls hooting in the distance, the gentle breeze brushing through the burnt-amber leaved trees and the faint clack of your heels against the cobblestoned ground. In all honesty, it did feel a little eerie to the say the least, but at this very moment that was the least of your worries. All you wanted was a little time alone to cry, or grieve what could have been with ...Severus.

Gods, it hurt to even think his name, let alone speak it.

You reached the wooden bridge, and you stopped in the middle of it; leaning against the intricately carved columns to gaze out at the highlands. The moonlight casted a gorgeous glaze-like reflection upon the Black Lake, and it twinkled beautifully, almost hypnotising you like an illusion. Your eyes flicked up to the moon and glanced around it, staring at the glittering stars surrounding it like a perfect painting. Only times like this did you miss teaching Astronomy. As your mind reeled back to your first year teaching at Hogwarts, you relished in the time where you did not know the man named Severus Snape, and suddenly your heart sank in your chest like an anchor dropped at sea. You were so naive back then, unknowing of what was to come.

As the memories of you and Severus flooded your mind like a dam breaking, you let yourself cry. You could still feel his lips on yours, his fingertips gently tracing the curves and grooves of your skin, the words he'd whispered into your ear - it was all there, stained on your skin, like a tattoo - or perhaps a branding. And now you had to live with it. You weren't sure if you'd survive this time, especially not with how deeply you felt for him. You were torn between pretending he didn't exist and trying to talk to him, perhaps even telling him how you felt, but truth be told you were petrified of how he'd react. Would he even look at you again with those glittering black eyes you'd come to adore so hopelessly? Would he dare speak to you again, knowing that he'd charmed you? Maybe he'd relish in the fact that he'd done so, take pride in bewitching you, and make you hurt for it. You knew Snape could be rather cruel, your school days here with him as your teacher was enough for you to know that.

All these unanswered questions swam through your head and you felt yourself becoming suffocated from them, and it suddenly felt as if your lungs had filled with water, drowning you. You sobbed helplessly as you slid down the wooden wall behind you with your hands against your face, the rough edges scratching your back through your clothes rather uncomfortably.

"Y/N?" A voice came from beside you, and you froze. You turned your head away from them and quickly used your sleeve to wipe your eyes, drying the tears that had fallen from them. Only one person has a voice as soft as the one you had just heard.

You gave yourself a moment to gather yourself before even attempting to use your voice.

"Hello, Remus." You croaked quietly, sniffling.

"What on Earth are you doing out here so late?" He questioned gently, and you heard him take a step towards you. "Are you alright?"

"Quite dandy," you sarcastically quipped, sighing deeply, "I'm brilliant..." You turned your head to face him, and immediately, his face softened at the sight of your own. You were sat up against the side of the bridge, knees up against your chest and your arms wrapped around them; nose and eyes red, wet with tears. Remus quickly dropped down to his knees beside you, placing a soothing hand upon your forearm.

"What happened?" Remus asked, careful to keep his voice quiet and soft. With empty eyes, you stared into his worried ones, and instantly you felt terrible. The last thing you wanted was people worrying over you.

You looked away, down at the ground. "I..." you mumbled, sighing, "it's a... long... story." You spoke slowly. From the corner of your eye, you saw a small smile quirk up on Remus's lips.

"I've got time, my dear." He replied as his thumb brushed your forearm, silently encouraging you to talk. You felt at ease in Remus's presence, it was almost like he had a calm aura around him, and naturally your body relaxed beside his. You took a deep breath.

"Erm," you choked, sniffling again, "it's Se... Snape." You couldn't bring yourself to say his first name without crumbling into a million pieces.

Remus let out a gentle breath. "Snape, of course," He tutted, glancing between you and the ground. "What's he done?" The fact that Remus reacted like he had expected Snape to have hurt you, further broke your heart. Were you the only one to have seen through his icy exterior?

"Broken my heart," You laughed dryly, and you had to fight back another bout of tears. Remus's brows furrowed in confusion at you. "We... I... Look, I'm not sure how to explain this to you. But... I fell..." You trailed off, unable to finish your sentence. Your heart hurt too much. You only hoped that Remus knew what you were about to say.

Remus blinked and stared at you, shocked. Clearly, the two of you had hidden your 'relationship' well - so well that everyone was oblivious to it. "You fell...?" He frowned.

"In love... with him..." You almost whispered, avoiding Remus's eyes. You weren't sure if you'd be able to handle the look in them.

"You're in love with... Severus?" Remus repeated, and you squeezed your eyes shut at his words. They were like daggers, stabbing your bleeding heart. It was almost like you could feel it trembling inside of your chest, begging you to free it from this cycle of torment. "But... Aren't you with... Ben? And... Severus... he's..."

"I know," you sighed, noticing his confusion, "I had feelings for Severus before I met Ben. And it sort of just, like, spiralled out of control, and now, erm, here I am- Gods, I should have just listened to Minerva, I wouldn't be here right now, hurting like this." You ranted, another strangled sob leaving your throat. Remus watched you, and his eyes softened. He felt terrible for you. "She warned me, Remus, why didn't I just listen to her?!" You cried, letting your head fall into your hands.

"Y/N," Remus whispered, reaching out a cautious hand to pry your face from your hands. With a soft gasp, you looked up with teary eyes, and he wiped a stray tear from your cheek. "We don't get to choose who we do and don't fall in love with. We follow our hearts blindly, most of the time, unknowingly." He said, and moved his hand from your wet cheek to your shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. "It's beyond our control who we love."

There was a moment of silence.

"...What do I do, Remus?" You sobbed softly, sniffling, looking at your knees.

"Have you told him?"

"No."

"I think you should."

"But what about Ben? Shouldn't I... deal with... that first?" You sniffled again. "And what if Severus doesn't feel the same way about me? Then what?"

Remus paused for a moment, thinking. You looked up at him. "What if he does?" He said, a small, comforting smile tickling his lips as he stared at you.

"Well- from the way he treated me earlier... I truly doubt it, Remus." You scoffed, glancing away from his pitying brown eyes.

Remus sighed, and you clenched your jaw. "Regret is a terrible thing, Y/N," he said, "it's such a short word, yet it stretches on forever." Your eyes were glued on the ground and your body was still, but your mind was running a million miles an hour.

You sat there in silence for a short moment, thinking deeply. Remus was right. You'd regret it for the rest of your life if you didn't tell Severus how you felt. That chance of him reciprocating your feelings was small, but it was still there. If he didn't feel the same, fine, you'd move on. Eventually. And if he did?...

"...Alright," You nodded sheepishly. "I'll tell him. I just... need to, erm, work out when and more specifically, how. Like, do I just straight up blurt it out? Work my way up to it? H-how do you know it's the right time?" You rambled with tears still falling from your eyes, glancing through them at Remus who sat beside you with a soft expression upon his features.

"You'll know." Was all he said before slowly standing and holding out a hand for you to take. Graciously, you took it, and Remus pulled you to your feet. "Feel better?" He hummed, casting a glance out at the moon, then a worried look suddenly struck his eyes. You noticed and frowned slightly at his behaviour.

The moon?

"A little." You forced a smile upon your lips, and lifted up a hand to wipe the remaining stray tears upon your red cheeks. Remus looked back at you, and returned your smile. "How come you were out so late?" You asked curiously, brushing off his odd reaction to seeing a moon.

"A walk in the night does me good," Remus shrugged, and began to walk back towards the castle with you beside him. "Clears my head."

"Ah, well, I suppose I'm glad you found me, then." You chuckled awkwardly, folding your arms against your chest.

Remus smiled at you and placed an arm around your shoulders, giving you a squeeze. "Let's get you back to your quarters, Y/N, you look like an ice block." He hummed and lead you back to the castle, but not before throwing another glance over his shoulder to the almost-full-moon.

Faint, footsteps trailed down an empty corridor, and a billowing black cape followed with it. As Severus marched, his chest felt horribly heavy, almost like there was a boulder chained to it, weighing him down. He couldn't figure out why he felt like this, and it was starting to make him a little irate. He knew it was something to do with you since it had started after you'd stormed out of his office.

As Severus was about to round a corner, the sound of familiar, sweet laughter rattled through his bones, and immediately he froze. Without a doubt, he knew it was you. Only you could have laughter that sounded like the sweet songs that birds chirped in the summer mornings. The breath in his lungs suddenly vanished and he quickly swooped himself behind a bookcase, poking his head out from the side of it to see who you were with.

The moment you appeared, that boulder chained to his chest became heavier, and he felt himself lean against the bookcase he hid behind. Severus's eyes widened as they glued themselves to the man beside you - Remus Lupin. His blood boiled at the sight.

What could have Lupin have said to make you laugh like that? He'd only heard you laugh like that when you were with him, not Lupin.

From a distance, he couldn't make out what the two of you were talking about, but it was obviously hilarious. Severus's jaw clenched as he watched Lupin place a hand upon the small of your back, guiding you.

Guiding you... inside your quarters?

Snape hissed silently to himself as he stared, his sharp and hardened eyes welded to the back of Lupin's head like molten metal. As your door shut, Snape could only huff in disgust with bared teeth. What were the two of you doing in there? It was past midnight and you and Lupin seemed happy as Larry to go into your quarters. Snape couldn't bear the idea of you and Lupin alone together - let alone the fact that Lupin had had his damned, grubby paws on you. Severus clenched his jaw in a violent fashion, very clearly upset at how you'd moved on so quickly, especially with another professor at Hogwarts. Was this your thing? Bewitch every lonely professor that you laid your wretched eyes upon and then move onto the next? Did it make you feel better about yourself in some fucked up way?

An uneasy, bitter feeling twisted inside of his chest as he pictured the two of you alone and he whipped around out of spite; the swoosh of his long, black cloak filling the silent hallway. How could you move on so quickly, so... easily? 

"Never did I think I'd see the day that someone told me they fell in love with a man like Severus Snape." Remus laughed softly as he waddled to your sofa, glancing at you as if to ask if it was alright to sit. You nodded at him.

"And yet here we are." You hummed with a flat mouth, clearly not as amused as your friend was. "Sometimes I wish I was as emotionally guarded as he was, but then I remember how bloody miserable that would be." You mumbled, earning an abrupt laugh from Lupin who'd settled on the couch with a soft sigh.

Ben was nowhere to be seen, so you assumed he was asleep in the bedroom.

"Severus is an interesting character, most definitely," Lupin nodded and you turned around, walking towards him to join him on the sofa. "And I applaud you for being able to tame him. If it's any consolation, only one other woman had been able to, though I think it was... unintentional, if you will."

"Unintentional?" You questioned, your tone curious. Though almost instantly, that curiosity was killed as the thought of Severus with another woman stabbed at your fragile heart. "Actually, I'm not sure if I want to hear this right now." A dry laugh slipped from your lips and you exhaled sharply as another wave of tears prickled at your waterline.

"Alright." Lupin said softly, taking notice of your quivering voice. He stood up with a breathy groan and shuffled towards you, slinking an arm around your shoulders to pull you into his chest. It was calming, and the way he hugged you reminded you of all the times your parents would comfort you as a child. As Lupin gave you a supportive squeeze, it was as if he'd accidently pushed the button for the waterworks - hot tears began to stream down your cheeks once again, and you sobbed quietly into his wrinkled shirt.

"Hey," Lupin sighed as he watched your shoulders shake with sorrow. His hand sat on the top of your arm, squeezing it gently: a dire attempt at consoling you. "Don't cry, Y/N, it'll pass."

"Idon'twantitto-" You mumbled into his shirt, sniffling loudly. Lupin's brows furrowed together in confusion as he paused for a brief moment, silently trying to decipher what you'd just said.

"What?" He asked gently, leaning his head down so he could hear you a little better. You lifted your head from him, sighing, another heartbreaking sniffle sneaking out of your reddened nose.

"I don't want it to." You repeated yourself, lifting a hand up to wipe your wet eyes lazily.

"I know. But it will." Lupin sighed too. "Severus is... a very... damaged man," He cringed slightly at his choice of words, but he continued, "I'm not even sure that you could help him- or fix him."

At this point, you were staring soullessly at the floor, and the only thing you could feel was Lupin's chest against your shoulders. Were you and Severus really a lost case? You felt like you'd made so much progress, he'd opened up to you, he'd... he also ran away again. Perhaps your friend Remus is right.

"I think I want to be alone." You suddenly blurted out, slowly glancing up at the professor with glossy, red eyes. Lupin blinked at you, confused for a moment, though he quickly came to. He didn't blame you for saying such a thing - you'd just had your heart ripped out, to put it simply.

Remus didn't say anything, he only nodded, offering you a kind, yet pitiful smile - and that hurt you slightly. You didn't want his pity, in fact, you didn't want anyone's pity. "If you need anything, you know where to find me." He muttered, brushing a hand through your hair softly. You shut your eyes for a moment and sighed, a small gush of guilt filling your body. Here Lupin was, trying to console you, and you're kicking him out. You hoped he didn't take it personally.

"I'm sorry, I... I just need to be alone." You quickly offered. Remus shook his head and frowned at you.

"No, I understand. See you in the morning, Y/N. Feel better soon." The professor smiled at you and this time it wasn't rich with pity, but kindness. He tipped his head at you and began to shuffle his way towards the door, opening it with a quiet creak from the oak. Before he disappeared out of your chambers, Remus turned around and smiled at you once more, slipping away.

Seconds after the door shut, a drowsy-looking Ben opened your bedroom door, popping his head out. He squinted at the bright light, clearly having just woken up. That settled your nerves slightly, since you'd just spoken about Severus with Remus, only a few metres away from Ben.

"Are you crying?" Ben yawned, his bushy brows furrowed in either confusion or annoyance - at this point you couldn't tell.

"No," You coughed and turned around to pretend to do something else as you wiped at your eyes. "I'm fine, go back to bed, Ben." A curt sigh fell from your lips, and almost immediately you heard footsteps padding closer to you. "I'm fine." You repeated, listening as his feet stopped behind you.

"What happened?" Ben asked, the tiniest hint of sympathy in his voice made you shiver slightly.

"Nothing, it was just a rough day at work, honestly. I'd rather not talk about it." Your brows shot together as you tried to keep the tears at bay, but you couldn't help but think about Severus as Ben placed a hand on your waist in an attempt to pry you away from the countertop and towards him. You didn't want anyone else's hands on you but his.

"Hey," Ben said softly, though it felt heavy in your chest. "It's work. It won't matter in a day or two." You were silent. "Y/N?"

"I need a drink." You muttered and forced yourself to look at Ben, cringing slightly as you walked past him and towards a glossy wooden cabinet in the corner of your chambers. You rarely drank, and if you did, it was to either celebrate something, or forget something.

Another uncomfortable silence fell on top of the pair of you.

"Want one?" You asked with no emotion in your voice.

Ben hesitated for a moment, his groggy eyes staring at the back of your figure, silently trying to deduce you. "...Sure."

You were going to regret this.

You'd changed into comfier clothes, more specifically a pair of forest green silk shorts and a matching camisole top. Sitting on the edge of your bed, you faced Ben as he was sat on the windowsill opposite you, nursing his glass of wine. After a few strong sips, the pair of you were chatting and reminiscing like old pals. "Remember that time when I turned Peter Kipling into a weasel in McGonagall's class?" Ben giggled drunkenly, elbowing you gently as you nodded with tears in your eyes, an amused grin spread across your face.

"Oh my- I forgot about that!" You wheezed, smacking your lips together. "Didn't you get... like... at least- like a month's detention for that?" You laughed, slurring, taking another sip of your glass of Elven wine. You winced slightly at the strong aftertaste as it burned your throat. That was to be your last drink, you couldn't take much more.

"Ohh, yeah, I d-id," Ben hiccuped, his laughter dying out as he sighed; his tired eyes falling onto you. Shuffling under his gaze, you felt slightly uncomfortable. A brief yet thick silence suddenly engulfed the two of you like a slow-burning fire. Ben stood from where he'd been sat, stumbling over to where you were, stopping just in front of your knees.

"I miss talkin' to you, Y/N." He sighed, taking his hand and placing it upon your cheek; carressing the apple of it with his rough thumb. The strong scent of alcohol on his breath made you gag a tad - you were drunk as well, but the smell of it wasn't pleasant, especially from his mouth.

Your breath hitched slightly at the sudden contact.

"..Yeah." You answered quietly albeit awkwardly as you stared up at Ben. Though, all the wine you'd consumed was making him look like someone... else - the darkness wasn't helping either, in fact it was fueling your hallucinations. The dark cast of a shadow from the lit candles behind him made his nose appear larger, and his cheekbones a little more pronounced.

Slowly, he crouched down until you two were eye-level, his hands slipping to your ankles. Your body stiffened slightly at the feeling. "Ben.." You warned, sighing as the drunk buzz and pleasurable tingle from the pads of his fingers was starting to cloud your mind.

"Whaat?" He whispered, heavy-lidded eyes still glued to yours as his fingers began to trail up your calves. Ben began to stand up slightly, pushing his face dangerously close to yours, and so you leant backwards to avoid him, your back gradually making contact with the bed. He shuffled forwards slightly, pressing a knee against the edge of the bed to balance himself.

You shouldn't be doing this, you knew that, but Gods, the alcohol was truly fucking with your morals and mind.

Would it hurt?

Just a little... taste...?

You shut your eyes as you became lost in the feeling; his fingers reaching the backs of your soft thighs, a breathy sigh falling from your lips. Slowly, you opened your eyes again as Ben's smalelr nose pressed into your neck, followed by his wet lips. You gasped as his hands found your torso, his fingers pressing a little too harshly into your flesh. 

Severus.

Memories of him suddenly flooded your mind like a reservoir breaking a dam, flushing out anything that didn't embody him. All the times Severus had attacked your supple flesh beautifully; pulling gorgeous moans from those pink lips of yours. Your brows furrowed together as your body silently yearned for his touch. It hurt.

You were stuck between stopping this and just shamelessly indulging in the dark, twisted fantasy of pretending that Ben was Severus. You were being so selfish. And yet, you didn't care, all of the emotional turmoil that you'd been through tonight was pushing you to the edge - all you wanted was the man who didn't love you, who only saw you as a quick fuck, maybe some midnight company. 

You shut your eyes again and tried your best to imagine him. With a sigh, you ran your hand up Ben's neck and into his hair, though it wasn't the same. You missed the way you'd tangle your fingers in his raven-black locks, gripping on it as he'd ravish your neck and breasts like some mad professional. Sighing frustratedly, you moved your hands down to his shoulders, expecting the rough, black fabric of Severus's robes, and yet you were met with the flimsy, thin fabric of Ben's white cotton t-shirt.

You felt so fucking pathetic.

Knock, knock.

You froze, eyes snapping open as quick as lightning. Was there someone at the door?

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Ben groaned drunkenly as he continued to kiss your neck. Unfortunately for him, the feeling had worn off the second you heard those knocks.

"The knocks at the door."

"You're.. imag-ining things, baby." Ben sighed and hiccuped once more, his uncomfortably hot breath on your neck made you shiver. At this point, Ben was much more drunk than you, and so with your remaining energy, you rolled him off of you. "Whoa- heey-!" He groaned as you slipped from underneath him, padding to the door. You didn't bother to check if he was alright, the only thing on your mind was who was at your door at this time of night.

Was it him? Did you want it to be him?

Reluctantly, you reached out your hand to open the door.

Nobody was there.

You frowned and leaned forwards, poking your head out to glance around. The corridor was empty, completely empty. That was incredibly weird, did you imagine those knocks? You sighed softly - perhaps you were a little disapppointed. Turning around, you shut the door, only to be faced with Ben sat sloppily in a chair with a face like thunder.

"Waitin' for someone?" He asked with a flat tone, his head lazily cocked to one side, still clearly drunk.

"What?"

"You know what I'm talkin' abou', Y/N." Ben said with the same tone, standing up, albeit unsteadily. You swallowed as he inched closer towards you, dragging his feet, your toes burying themselves against the hard wooden floor beneath your feet. "I know about the notes you kept. From him." He spat, pointing his finger at your face. Your heart instantly began to gallop; the pounding of its beats echoed in your ears like a harrowing scream in the night.

The notes...

"Excuse me?" You choked out, brows furrowing together in complete shock.

This was not how you wanted this to go down.

"I went through yer little drawers. In yer greenhouse," Ben scowled, his nose turning upwards in what you could only describe as disgust. "All of his little notes were perfectly preserved, and mine? Well-" Your mind was running so quickly that you could barely even listen to what he was saying - the fact that he went behind your back and invaded your privacy was the only thing sticking out to you as of right now. Your skin felt like it was on fire as the anger began to flood your veins.

"You went through my drawers, Ben?!" You yelled, shoving a finger in his face.

"That's the only thing you care abou'?! Not the fact that you secretly- obviously, have some sort of fucked up... thing for a man who treats people like they're the tiniest bit of shit on 'is shoe?!" Ben screamed back drunkenly as he bared his teeth, stomping towards you and smacking your finger away. "The fuck is wrong withya?"

You knew this could get ugly quite quickly, especially as Ben was drunk - a lot drunker than you. But at this moment, your anger was far too hot to even think about cooling things down.

You scoffed at him, your lips twitching upwards into a disgusted sneer. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Going through my stuff?!" You shouted at him, taking a step backwards as he began to get a little too close for comfort. "That's not okay, Ben!"

"How long has it been going on?" Ben asked, his tone suddenly calm. That put you on edge.

You paused for a moment, pondering on his question. It was probably best that you didn't answer that. "We're done here, Ben." You clenched your jaw, silently readying yourself for some sort of explosion.

"How long, Y/N?!" Ben yelled. The way the whites of his eyes were basically screaming at you made you feel terrified. In this current moment, there was only one pair of arms that you wish you were being held in. The man in front of you backed you up to the door, and you could only stare at him, for your wand was foolishly placed inside the pockets of your robes hung in your bedroom. Tears burned in your eyes as the guilt you'd tucked away was finally waking up and holding your body hostage with it's incredibly heavy weight. "Did you fuck 'im? Is that why ya never slept wit'me for months? Because you were too ...busy being his fucktoy?" Ben slurred, his face red and lips wet with saliva from how he'd been shouting.

"Shut up!" You cried at Ben as the tears began to break free from you and run down your cheeks like melting diamonds. This was so not the way you wanted this to go. "Please, just stop!" You were sobbing at this point as his words pierced your heart, quickly reminding you of what Severus truly thought of you.

"Oh, fuck sake, stop with the cryin'," Ben growled, drunkenly shoving a hand into your shoulder, sending you barreling backwards and into the door. You winced slightly as the bone of your shoulder blade made contact with the metal bar on your door. "Whiny bitch, yer the one in the wrong, not me!" He grumbled with a heavy sigh, turning away from you.

"Shit, Ben-" You gasped as you leaned forwards and pushed yourself off of the door, however, a sharp and excruciating pain shot across your shoulder as you tried to move it. "What the hell were you thinking?!" You whined, stumbling to the countertops of your kitchenette to lean on it. Your shoulder was fucking killing you.

"Me? What was I fuckin' thinkin'?!" A sarcastic, manic laugh fell from his lips and immediately you regretted your choice of words. The man spun on his heel, and suddenly he donned a wand in his hand. Now, you were scared for your life. "You're one to talk... you know what... I'm going to have you fired... yeah... blacklisted. From every job in this fuckin' area! That'll teach you to be a whore!" Ben screamed the last word so loudly that you were sure every sleeping student and teacher heard it. Your jaw ticked, and you had to look away, your face painted an embarrassed shade of scarlet.

Your heart dropped at his words. No way was this happening.

"You can't do that." You whispered, tears still streaming from your eyes as you stared at the ground.

"I work at the Ministry, darlin', anything is possible."

"Fuck you."

"What did you just say t'me?"

"Fuck you!" You cried out hoarsely with one hand on your shoulder and the other gripping the countertop. An animalistic like growl fell from your ex-boyfriend as he stormed towards you, fury burning bright in his eyes. He raised his wand, and you squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for some sort of spell to hit you.

"Stupefy!" A familiar voice commanded, the swish of a spell following it suit. Then, a loud thud.

Reluctantly, you opened your eyes to see Ben laying on the floor, unconscious in a pool of his own saliva. Your chest heaved with fear, and you were incredibly scared to look up to see who had come to your rescue. Frozen, you stood still in your place, though you could feel your knees beginning to buckle. Within seconds you were on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, your lungs on fire from how harshly you were breathing. Merlin, you could've just died.

uh oh.. who saved her?

i'm sorry if you weren't tagged, i went through the majority of my notes and tried to find you all!! pls forgive me :( there was a lot due to my absence <3

taglist:

@a-laufeyson

@emilynissangtr

@livillain00

@meowskii

@nooneeveryonenoone

@vesperbatty

@biggest-simp-eversposts

@881127fara

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@renirat

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@ameliachastain

@setsuna-meiou31

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@dreamybxnny

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@daydreamer-and-booklover

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@dystopiaincognito

@rye-flower

[gojoidyll]

Wriothesley x Reader

warnings: a stalker (not wrio), insecurities, fear, grammatical errors, etc.

small note: insinuated that both of them end up together at the end but not explicitly said.

(not gender specific btw!!)

Currently thinking of a scenario (or maybe a future fanfic someday) where you are an amazing author in Fontaine who feels like writing was the biggest mistake you could have ever made.

At first, writing was your passion, it was what led you to fame and the creation of a certain all-time hit detective series that people all across of teyvat like to read.

At first, writing was what made you happy. You could stay home all day without having to venture out of the safety and comforts of your home. Didn't have to worry about your next paycheck, if you'll have enough mora for tomorrow, or if you'll have enough to pay rent by next week. Sure you had deadlines, but since you loved to write and managed your time wisely - deadlines weren't ever an issue.

But slowly, as you rose to fame, admirers and fans were quick to swarm.

It got to the point that you would get mountains of letters a day (almost by the hour). And as a pushover as you were (your parents never really taught you how to stand up for yourself), you quickly found yourself writing to each fan back who sent you letters or gifts. Thanking them. Talking to them. Even becoming penpals too.

Then there was one man in particular who started to get too creepy. Too close for comfort.

His letters started to get disturbing. He would introduce himself with a fake name but tell you that he was a young man in his late twenties. How your books gave him life and meaning. How he would see you walking the streets and even got your schedule down when you would go to the grocery store or hangout with friends.

It was then when you would find that you had gained your own stalker. It was then that maybe getting the spotlight on you and through your writing was a bad idea.

If only I didn't share my real name. I wonder if things would be different...

Despite the mental stress the man was placing on you. You tried to push those thoughts away even though the fear of being watched at all moments throughout the day ate away at you. Your own home wasn't your safety net any longer, you feared.

You couldn't bring yourself to tell anyone, opting out for dealing with this yourself.

You tried to tell the man to stop. He didn't.

Warned him.

Yelled at him when you would spot him hiding.

Screamed when he broke into your home. Kicked and thrashed around.

It was then when your neighbors called for the garde. Immediately coming to the rescue due to all the noise you both were causing.

And soon a trial was held. The man was immediately found guilty for a numerous of things. Theft, stalking, attempted kidnapping, breaking and entering, etc.

And even when he was sent to the fortress of meropide, you found that you just couldn't write anymore even though your hit detective series was still ongoing. Your editors, in understanding, gave the series a hiatus and let you take a vacation.

But once again, you feared.

You feared that you just couldn't write anymore.

The one thing that you enjoyed doing ended up with some crazy fan wanting more of you. You didn't want to fear anymore.

And it would be two weeks later when you would be approached by Neuvillette and Clorinde. They would tell you about the happenings within the fortress and how your presence was needed in dealing with your ex-stalker.

Apparently he had gotten into some trouble, and he wouldn't talk no matter what unless he got to see you.

So you found yourself reluctantly going. It wasn't like you were going to stay home and do anything anyway...

At the fortress now, you found yourself in a big office. Apparently it belonged to the Duke, the warden of the fortress. You learned quickly by many of the people there that you should refer to him as "your grace."

And as you sat alone in the office in one of the chairs, a noise sounded just down below.

"They're here?! Where?! I must see them!"

That voice, you couldn't help but to tremble. You didn't want to be here. Not here. But Neuvillette and Clorinde helped alot with the case and proving the man guilty, so you felt obligated to stay and forced yourself not to run away.

"Y/n! There you are! I'm so glad to see you again!"

"That's enough. You see them now, right? So get talking."

You finally got to see the Duke of the fortress of meropide (with the chief justice and Clorinde on either side of him). The duke's eyes were an icy blue, sharp and calculated. His hair black and grey, and spiked - you couldn't help but to think of how ... wolfish he looked.

"Talk? Talk?! I didn't ask you to bring them here so I could talk!"

He reached for you. Hands outstretched as if to hurt you. To pull you towards himself. But Wriothesley was already a step ahead as he grabbed the front of the man's shirt and forced him to the ground, pinning him there.

"I guess no one taught you how to treat a lady."

And maybe, just maybe writing wasn't a mistake after all. Because maybe all this time as you would write happy endings for your characters .. maybe you were waiting for your own happy ending. A happy ending where someone saves you from someone and from yourself.

At least, thats what came to mind as when you finally managed to finish your detective series two months later with its final book.

"So, what genre are you looking to write for now? Because I think you got the mystery all covered."

Sitting in Wriothesley's office once more, lunch in hand, you smiled and thought for a moment.

"How about a romance?"

He snorted at the question, "romance, huh? And how do you plan on starting that?"

"If I told you, then it would ruin the whole book."

"I don't mind spoilers."

You grinned, eyes trained on his as you both enjoyed your lunch break together, "well, it starts off with a man saving an author from someone and from themselves."

"That so," he asked while smirking, he already knew where this was going.

"Do they end up together?"

You shrugged, "you tell me."

Wriothesley leaned back in his chair, eyes trained on you, and only you, "I noticed that in your books, your characters get happy endings. So why not write another one?"

"What? Not a fan of angst?"

"Absolutely not."

[hongssimi]

don't wanna cry // hong seunghan

ᝰ synopsis .ᐟ seunghan didn't know how loved he was. he thought leaving was for the better. if only he had realised earlier, would things have changed?

ᝰ pairing .ᐟ hong seunghan x those who love him

ᝰ genre .ᐟ angst

ᝰ word count .ᐟ 1.4k+

ᝰ warning .ᐟ mentions of events from october 11th to october 13th including funeral wreaths, hate, bullying, and death threats

ᝰ author's note .ᐟ got on tiktok and got depressed, again. so i guess… here's an angsty, sad, and traumatic one shot that would probably make you cry. song recommendation while reading, seventeen's don't wanna cry.

i think it's better for the team if i leave.

seunghan didn't expect the amount of funeral wreaths left for him in front of his company's doorstep. piles, after piles, after piles of them. each more hurtful than the next.

"riize is 6"

"hong seunghan out"

"freeloader, get lost!"

"i respectfully pray for the peace of mind for the deceased"

respect? where was the respect in question? they were treating him as dead. a perfectly alive and breathing 21-year-old who had just celebrated his birthday just days prior. what had he done so bad to be treated like this?

his head was feeling so complicated. where exactly did he go wrong? he had discussed with the company and the members. they seemed to be in support of him coming back, despite the risks of losing the current fanbase that was built around the six members while he was on hiatus.

seunghan used to hear the members tell him stories in the dorms about their fans holding up banners with his face or slogans with the phrase "riize is seven". they would excitedly text him after performing, telling him that he shouldn't give up. everyone wanted him back. but he didn't believe them. he knew it was just make him feel better. or he thought he did.

walking away from the wreaths, the black-hooded boy headed towards his favourite space. his advertisement board at seoul forest station. a place of comfort. he remembered the very first time he had his face on the board was when he debuted. and then it appeared again in january. since then, it was always his face at that specific location in the station. fans nicknamed the location "seunghan's spot".

the last time he read the notes on the board, the words of support were so sweet. in those messages, fans really missed and cared for him. he was even approached by someone, giving him support and telling him to stay strong. that they would wait for him to come back.

seunghan's birthday board was fuller than ever. he almost couldn't see his face on the board. he just stood far away, staring at the countless amount of notes, feeling apologetic. seeing the backlash for the past two days, the company asked to meet with him, asking him if he was sure he wanted to stay.

seunghan wasn't sure why they asked him that. he was even more confused why they did nothing about the funeral wreaths outside the company. was it not illegal? he had so many thoughts, all left unanswered. where was the "family" that he thought there was, the reason to why he even decided to join this company?

seunghan was not a boy to be left alone. he was one to make rash decisions, and needed someone to hold him back. as an F, he needed his fellow F to empathize with him. he needed his Ts to ground him down that he should stay. but they weren't there.

all his bandmates could do was to post a thinkpiece on weverse, saying they convinced him to come back, in the midst of an overseas schedule. they thought long and hard about the decision and decided to risk it all. they were willing to get scolded for the post, willing to lose fans to be on stage again, but with him. but they got called liars, accused of having the post ghostwritten, words being put in their mouths that they never wanted him back.

seunghan felt guilty. the members never deserved the hate. they've achieved so much without him. he didn't want to ruin it by coming back. he put the members first, like the sweet boy he was.

he got in contact with the company. and that's when he realised he made a big mistake. hashtags were trending. boycotts were happening. protest trucks were driving in. in-person protests were held. international news were covering his story. he realised he was essentially coerced into leaving the team.

"no seunghan no riize"

"riize is seven"

"sm, why did you listen to the minority?"

"sm supports bullying"

"sm, where's the protection you said you would do?"

"sm, reveal the lawsuit processions. if you even did any, for the past 10 months."

there were much, much, more people anticipating his comeback. they were truly, supporting him. he never realised how much of a human rights issue the funeral wreaths were until it was pointed out. he never realised the company was all talk, no action. he was their artist, why didn't they post about filing lawsuits when they announced he came back?

seunghan realised his idea of the company's image being family was just extremely clouded. he finally understood what it meant when people said to never trust companies that market themselves as family.

at some point, at night, he was called to the company again. he was crossing the street, all covered up, when he saw someone with his photocard dangling on their bag. he lowered his cap, apologetically, knowing it was a fan who was probably hurt by him leaving. he didn't want to be recognised and hurt them further. he left quietly, heading into the company building.

he was told they would write up a notice about monitoring any slander written against him. until the notice was posted. did the company never wanted him back? how come his friends had ongoing lawsuits, but there was nothing in his notice? what about the past 10 months where people were saying just about anything? what about the person who lied about his ex-girlfriend being a minor? what about the person who invaded his privacy by leaking photos of his private life?

seunghan was honestly sick and tired of it all. he was always kind to everyone. hell, he was even kind to animals. he even bought a necklace to support a cause related to animals, even though he's afraid of all animals. what did he even do to deserve such treatment?

more projects came out. some were even writing public letters, making an e-book of letters for him. he read all of them. even those he couldn't understand. he just stared at the foreign words and smiled adoringly, knowing it was messages of good wishes for him.

some foreign fans even wrote in korean. some were in perfect korean while some were painfully obvious that it was translated by machine. seunghan tried his best to understand it all, and it was all so sweet.

"seunghan, i miss you"

"i miss you with rii7e"

"hani, i wish you stayed"

"seunghan-ie, i'm not crying so please come back"

"seunghan, come back before i steal sohee"

"seunghan, come back, let me lure you with crayon shin-chan merchandise"

some of the messages were truly hilarious. coping with sadness by being funny. he loved his fans. they were truly positive. their jokes made him smile.

"have you eaten? are you living well?"

"eat some rice, don't just eat bibimmyeon, okay?"

"are you doing well? i'm not doing so well, but i hope that at least you are"

"seunghan, we will always be proud of you. keep your head up"

"hani, don't apologise. you didn't do anything wrong."

"seunghan-ie, you were just a teenager who made some mistakes. we all have mistakes"

"seunghan, cheer up!"

"seunghan, we're always with you"

so many messages were concerned for him and his well-being. even though he knew that they weren't doing well either. they waited ten months and lost him just only after two days, without even getting to see his face.

one of the messages he read stuck to him, "i really want to cry, but if i cry now, i might not be able to see you at all. so i'll fight for you."

reading the messages just made him break down, and cry. guilt, apologetic, comforted, sorry, sad, happy... seunghan felt all kinds of emotions. he didn't want to cry, he wanted to pretend he was fine. but how was he supposed to be fine, when his fans were crying because their words of love weren't enough to make him stay?

he didn't know how to fix the problem. he didn't have much power. the last time seunghan came back, he was previously just on hiatus. this time, he had truly left the team. he wondered if he could even come back. at least to make briize — no, brii7e — happy? he just cried, cried, and cried. he didn't know how to make it a happy ending.

why didn't he hold on just a bit longer?

why couldn't he see the amount of support he had this whole time?

if he knew, would things have turned out differently?

why didn't i realise sooner?

✶⋆.˚꩜ AFTERTHOUGHTS .ᐟ˙⋆✶ i'm crying as i write this. seunghan, i miss you so bad. how are you? are you eating well? you are so strong. i'm sorry i couldn't do more to protect you. just know that i will always be proud of you, always. and so will all brii7e and hongjjanggus. we love and miss you so much.

✶⋆.˚꩜ PERMANENT RII7E TAGLIST .ᐟ˙⋆✶ [OPEN]

do not repost works © hongssimi

[spiderm444rk]

hi guys, i didn’t really have the strength to come here and speak up about the taeil issue yesterday, but it’s extremely important to address this so i definitely have something to say about it.

i was at work yesterday, and i found out about the whole scandal during my 30 minute break, and i was half convinced it’s not real and he didn’t really get kicked out for like the first half of it - it was a shock, to randomly find out a person i stanned and supported for 4 years would be capable of doing something like this. once i realized it’s actually happening and sm kicked him out without a second thought, i understood how serious the scandal is and that no one is exaggerating.

i understand the whole situation makes us all feel disappointed and disgusted, and that it’s a sensitive topic, but i think it’s very important to educate ourselves about this and hold taeil accountable. let’s go over it together.

i saw too many kpop stans spreading misinformation, which in the end negatively affects the victim of this case the most . by making up fake stuff for clout, you only take away the attention from the actual victim who is trying to tell her story and get her justice. we don’t do that over here.

first of all, i hope everyone is aware that this is a REAL issue and that it actually happened. this isn’t a rumour, he’s an actual criminal. the police literally charged him with a sex related crime. sm, who is known for giving problematic people a second choice kicked him out IMMEDIATELY. no hiatus, no nothing. he’s just out of the picture. his bubble got terminated today. he’s being removed from nct zone. all of his album photocards are getting replaced by group photocards as we speak. sm is working hard to separate him from the group image asap. if this doesn’t speak volumes about how serious this scandal is, i don’t know what does. i hope NO ONE supports that man anymore. unfollowing him isn’t something to brag about, it’s just common sense. rapists deserve to rot behind the bars.

i saw a lot of people say they won’t believe it until it’s proven, but what more do you need? it already is proven. the whole group unfollowed him - not only 127, but dream and wayv too. taeyong deleted every picture with him while being in the military. this isn’t sm kicking him out because it will make the group look bad, they kicked him out because he’s a confirmed criminal. “i’m gonna wait until he’s proven guilty” he already is. hold that pathetic mistake of a man accountable.

but what i wanted to talk about the most - for the sake of the victim. let’s not blindly believe every lie we see on the internet and disregard the victim’s story.

- THE ONLY THING CONFIRMED IS THAT TAEIL IS CHARGED WITH A SEX RELATED CRIME. they didn’t specify anything. we don’t know what exactly it is, but i think we can all picture how terrible it needs to be for sm to kick him out of the company without a second thought.

- the investigation has been going on since june, but no one except the police and the victim who reported him knew. taeil of course knew he’s guilty, but he didn’t know he’s under investigation, and neither did sm or the rest of the nct members. they all learned about it - according to sm - in the middle of august, AFTER the last 127 fan meeting. so no, it’s not like they knew and included him anyway. it’s not like taeil knew he’s being investigated and went there to meet fans with a big smile on his face.

i’m obviously not saying this to protect him, but let’s not make it seem like all of the neos already knew and just kept being best friends with a rapist, especially in front of people who support them and love them. they didn’t know, and neither did the company. as soon as sm found out (from the police), he was out of the group.

- none of the rumours are confirmed. i’m not saying they can’t be real, but since it’s not confirmed, let’s focus on what we know (let me repeat myself) - taeil is guilty, sm and nct learned about it in the middle of august, he got kicked almost immediately. the police also confirmed the victim A is an adult woman, and no underage victim of the same gender is involved in this case. they said they won’t reveal any information about the progress of the case so the victim’s identity stays anonymous.

that’s it.

but what does it really mean ? there was a rumour about taeil raping an 11 year old girl to the point where she’s now permanently disabled, and abusing her for 6 years and hacking her phone so she couldn’t report him- NOT CONFIRMED. this case also isn’t about her. the victim who reported him is an adult woman. this doesn’t mean it can’t be real, or that there aren’t more victims out there, but it’s not the case that is being investigated right now.

people are also saying that taeil’s car accident didn’t actually happen, and that it was this girl’s grandpa/family member who broke his leg when they went to beat him up for what he did to the girl and that the car accident was just a cover up - also not confirmed. people are probably just trying to gain clout.

the @ agnes_121430 instagram account has been commenting on taeils ig posts since june, but she also posted about her case getting closed today, so she isn’t the actual victim in this case. she also said she never actually met taeil face to face (?).

taeil also isn’t involved in the burning sun scandal (yet, because once again, it’s not confirmed by any relevant platform) but this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t bring it up again, because the chance that he or other male idols are involved is still there. korean women are suffering, we need to keep bringing this up.

same thing is with the Nth room, or any other similar telegram group chat. the Nth room is a group chat where you need to PAY a high fee to even get in, and the members of this group chat literally record women without their consent and even without them knowing and then sell the videos in that gc. random women, but even their FAMILY MEMBERS. they also make deepfakes of women - their sisters, mothers, they don’t care. they also target schools and the girl students in there. they threaten the girls to record themselves doing really fucked up stuff and then send it to the group chat, or just straight up drug them, touch them without consent, rape them… you can look this up. this scandal is about taeil, but this is also about what do the korean women have to go through, the mentality in south korea is insane. it’s not only a kpop issue, but also a human rights issue, and we need to address it.

also, there’s a rumour the Nth room members are getting exposed tomorrow. this isn’t true. if you see anything, it will be 99% made up, and bored kpop stans will just drag idols without any proof.

everyone needs to understand that we don’t really know these people and we never know who else is involved in stuff like this - i really hope no one in nct knew about this and that they aren’t involved, but this is such an unexpected reality check that it’s still hard for me to grasp it and decide what to believe or not. in no way i support taeil, but wow. it’s crazy what men are capable of, while acting like they’re the biggest sweethearts in front of other people.

let’s hold all rapists and people who SA people of any gender and in any way accountable, and expose all celebrities if they ever did something like this. no one wants to support criminals. taeil needs to pay for what he did.

please spread the word and don’t believe everything you see. if anyone wants the source of what i’m saying, i can dm it to you. i hope everything will get better with time and this isn’t the definitive downfall of nct 127, but i guess we’ll have to wait and see. i know this is difficult to deal with. i hope the victim will get her justice, and everyone please take care. i’m with every nctzen out there. stay strong.

[mageofseven]

How about a reader that was pregnant when they were chosen as an exchange student ? Like the baby's father is not in the picture and reader *isn't* involved with boys romantically and when the boys discover readers pregnant after lesson 16 they're just "oh Shi-"

This is an old ask from before my long ass hiatus, but I'm honestly still really interested in this.

Okay so here's some set up info for how Imma do this:

MC knew she was pregnant, but was so overwhelmed about it that she welcomed the fact that she was magically kidnapped into going to demon school and that she had something to distract herself from the literal growing problem in her uterus.

The baby was also transfered to the new body after what Belphie did to her.

Like it was requested, MC is not currently dating any of the Boys.

They found out because they had her get checked by a doctor despite Barbatos making sure she was okay with his time power; this was mostly done out of over-protectiveness and no one actually thought anything would come of it.

I don't do reader posts so obviously this will be MC.

Now that that's out of the way, let's give this a go!

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

Lucifer:

Is visibly shocked by this and has MC explain herself.

When he hears how her boyfriend knocked her up and abandoned her not long before she was brought to the Devildom, the pride demon makes a mental note to ask her for the man's name at another time so he can handle that little pest.

Feels terrible guilty about what she went through and even worse that she went through it while pregnant.

I see Lucifer as this heavily anxious man with a soft spot for kids and that includes babies that are works-in-progress (WIP).

Hovers around her constantly after that, making sure she taking every vitamin and supplement she and her child needs.

Just becomes super protective of her while also trying to pretend he's not.

Eventually takes her off of cooking duty so she'll have one less thing to worry about.

Despite not being the father or having such a relationship with her, he takes full responsibility for all aspects of this from teleporting her here while pregnant to Belphie offing both her and her child in her last body.

Doesn't go as far as to call himself this child's father, but anyone who saw this man hovering over her would definitely think he was.

Like always, Lucifer just wants to take care of his family and now sees MC and her child as such.

Mammon:

Literally freaks out while trying to pretend he isn't.

To him, her being pregnant just made this whole situation 1000000x worse.

Feels bad that he didn't know about her kid.

Like, he's the brother whose been by her side the most and he never even noticed anything was off with her.

He's not the most observant man so I'm not surprised.

He's her First! She should have just told him, or so he tells her.

Keeps an extra close eye on her to keep this crazy freaking human from doing anything bad for herself or her kid

And let's face it, she literally got herself killed not long ago so anything can happen.

The further her pregnancy gets, the more this man tries to keep his brothers away from her.

He just extra possessive as time goes on.

I mean yeah, this kid ain't his but he wishes it was so freaking much but he's still gonna look after the two of them.

Honestly, this man wouldn't be able to handle a single other bad thing happening to his Human.

Leviathan:

Ohmanohmanohman--

Is really freaking out and doesn't even try to hide it.

I mean this is serious!

Not only did MC die but so did her WIP kid????

I mean yeah, they are both back but this all still sucks.

You know the phrase 'kicking a person while they're down'? Well this is like using a freaking flamethrower while the human was already down!

Honestly becomes super awkward with his Henry after learning about her pregnancy

But slowly gets used to it as he discovers that MC just wants him to treat her as he always has.

Yeah! He can do that!...kinda.

He feels bad that he can't help her through most of it.

This man knows absolutely nothing about pregnancy and feels like he is mediocre at comforting people at best.

Still, if she ever needs someone to distract her with anime so she doesn't have to think of the little WIP in her uterus then Levi is her man.

Satan:

Honestly...this man is less than thrilled.

MC is the first person he's ever truly gotten close to and that includes his 'brothers'

So to hear that the person he cares about most is pregnant...

Well on the plus side, he knows there's a human man in the other realm for him to torture so that makes him feel better.

Doesn't like kids, but is at MC's side as much as possible.

One of the brothers willing to hold her hair back during bouts of morning sickness.

Not one to hover, but does get a little protective when Belphie is in the same room as her.

Knows the Avatar of Sloth won't hurt her anymore but...well, he still can't get the image of MC's dead body out of his head

And angy boy is still angy at him for it.

Other than that, he reads a shit ton of pregnancy books to learn what MC's body is going through and different methods to comfort her through it.

Asmodeus:

Honestly, this usually chatty brother was speechless when it was announced.

When he saw all eyes fall on the human and make her overwhelmed, he ran to his friend and hugged her tightly.

Was the one to hype up the other guys and get everyone to say they'll take care of her and that they have her back

Because honestly, this woman and her child literally died for his family; you can bet your ass he's going to make sure each and every one of his brothers does their part in taking care of the pregnant human.

Doesn't immediately think about killing the runaway baby daddy, but if it becomes a family field trip to hunt the bastard and kill him, Asmo is so down for it.

Mostly focuses on what he can do for MC in the moment though.

Another brother to comfort her during morning sickness.

It's gross af but he uses it to remind his brothers that hey! I'm getting close to a vomiting woman each morning so y'all better be as dedicated to the cause as I am.

Beelzebub:

This man literally did nothing wrong, but acts as if it's all his fault.

So much happened in his family right under his nose and things led to such extremes that his twin literally killed this woman and her child.

More or less feels like he needs to step up and pay atonement for what his twin did

And is probably the brother who takes care of her the most.

This situation has shown how much he actually wants to be a parent one day

And literally asks MC later in her pregnancy if he can be her baby's daddy

He doesn't care about genetics at all, just wants MC to let him help her raise the child and make him a daddy 🥺

Literally the sweetest man to ever exist.

MC would be a fool not to accept.

Belphegor:

Probably the guiltiest of all of the men.

I mean, he did it. He killed MC and relished in it.

Granted, he didn't know she was carrying a little hitchhiker, but still.

Belphie lost himself in his pain to such a strong degree that...he wonders that even if he did know...would he have been able to stop himself from doing what he did

And honestly, the fact that he doesn't know scares the hell out of him.

Avoids MC for the first couple months of her pregnancy because honestly, he feels too guilty to even look at her

And... honestly, he doesn't know if he even trusts himself around her.

Thanks to Beel's encouragement, the sloth demon slowly finds himself interacting with the pregnant human

And eventually decides that the best way to atone for what he did (if it's even possible) is to take care of her and the kid the best he can.

He doesn't like kids and just sees pregnancy as unnecessary torture for people with uteruses

But honestly, none of that matters anymore.

He may not have been the one to knock the woman up, but he did fuck up the worst out of everyone in this situation.

Will feel better whenever the family hunting party starts and he can give that pathetic man a taste of what he deserves.

Looks like it's Human Season for this hunting demon.

Diavolo:

Also a man with an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Other than the actual process of making the baby, everything that happened was either because of something he directly or indirectly did to start up the exchange program.

Also regrets not having regular check ups on his exchange students because surely they all would have discovered this sooner and prevented anything from happening to the pregnant woman.

Has regular doctor visits scheduled for MC to make sure she and her baby stay healthy and pays for all of it, including any medications she may need during this progress.

Pregnancy can be really fucking expensive, but the prince makes sure she never has to worry about that side of things.

Just focus on staying healthy and letting your baby grow, MC; he and the other men will handle everything else.

Barbatos:

Knew before everyone else did.

I mean, this man literally had to make sure the baby transfered over too.

This man is seriously a hero that doesn't get the credit he deserves nor does he seek such.

MC and her baby are safe now and that's all that matters to the butler.

Honestly frets over the woman on the inside, but shows no sign of it externally.

Is the man that takes her to all her doctors appointments and was there when she discovered the gender of her baby.

Congratulated her as she sobbed happy tears and was honestly grateful that he could share such a moment with her.

Honestly becomed really attached to MC during her pregnancy and looks forward to watching her child grow up.

Solomon:

Honestly, his intuition had been tingling for a while on this subject.

He suspected this pregnancy, but figured it was none of his business and didn't want to pry into the fellow human's personal life.

If he would have known such an event would happen with Belphie though, he would have stepped in and got answers.

He didn't though. The sorcerer had no clue how events were going to unfold.

Hindsight is telling him that he should have pryed more, but his manners told him it was right to respect the woman's privacy.

Doesn't do too much in regards to taking care of his friend since the demons seem to have it all covered and even seem to somewhat resent the sorcerer when he tries.

Believe it's better not to step on any toes, so to speak.

Is still a good friend to MC though and always offers an ear if they need to vent about the process with someone.

Simeon:

This all happened before the pregnancy had progressed enough for him to sense the baby.

He did however sense...something within the human since he met her, but didn't understand what.

Hindsight is really hurting this poor angel's heart 😔

Become the woman's biggest support in an emotional sense.

Pregnancy is hard and hormones flare and everything can seem so stressful, especially to a scared single mom.

This man is often the one comforting her when she breaks down into tears, even when it's over small stuff like someone ate the last cookie or she lost her pen.

He makes sure MC knows how strong she is and that she will make it through this this difficult time.

Luke:

Demons!!! Back away from the pregnant woman or this chihuahua will bite.

Okay, not really, but the brothers make this joke a lot.

Luke is very protective of MC in this situation.

Since he is just a child, he wasn't told what happened between her and Belphie in complete detail.

Really just thinks the stupid demon hurt her feelings and the angelic boy will not allow it to happen again!

Grows increasingly curious as MC's belly grows; angels don't have kids in this way so this boy has a lot of questions about what's happening to her body.

The fact that there's an actual baby just chilling and growing in her belly boggles this boy's mind.

Is honestly excited for MC's baby and feels like he about to be come a big brother!

This boy is determined to do his part and take care of her just like the adults do.

Mostly just keeps her company and bakes for her when her cravings give her a sweet tooth.

Little Lukey keeps her spirits up and MC loves him for it.

[cantareincminor]

Round 2: Fandom Wrapped (Writer Edition) 2024!

Thanks again to @kattyelf for the template. A blank one can be found at @twiyorbase for anyone who wants to do their own!

Detailed reflections under the cut.

This is a long, introspective post. Forgive me if I sound self-absorbed in all this reflection.

The past year has been a unique one. The last long fic I completed was more than ten years ago in the Aladdin fandom. I dabbled in shorter, more stream-of-consciousness fics after that, but hadn’t written or posted a fic since 2016. Then I got into Spy x Family in 2022, devoured tons of fics, and slowly, nervously considered writing again.

There were many reasons I stopped writing. Being busy with real life responsibilities, naturally. I got married and had kids. I had a highly stressful career. With so little time on my hands, I feared that if I tried to write after such a long hiatus, the result would be stilted and disappointing, and I would have “wasted” my precious free time feeling shittier about myself. I’ve had some version of this mindset my entire life: if I can’t do something well, then I shouldn’t bother.

I have @whateversawesome to thank for encouraging me to try my hand at writing again. After the mole hunt arc was published, an idea struck me quite suddenly—what if Yuri had died or been critically injured in Shellbury? How would Twilight deal with that guilt and how would the identity reveals unfurl in such an extreme scenario? Could Yor ever forgive him? 

For months I shied away from writing it. To do the idea justice, I knew it would have to be a long, complex fic. And I continued to have mixed feelings about my last long fic in the Aladdin fandom—regretting parts of the premise and the ship dynamics and the characterizations and just overall feeling ashamed about my writing. I didn’t want to fail—write myself into a corner and abandon the fic or something like that. Right now, on the other end, I still look back on Orpheus sometimes and wonder how the hell I managed to write it. I reread my favorite passages and wonder how I came up with those exact words.

If it may help any writers, I would be happy to share a copy of my brainstorming doc and outline of Orpheus, where I kept track of unresolved plot points, options to resolve those plot points, notes to self to go back and add foreshadowing, and calling out unexpected events in each chapter that I did not plan ahead for. It is a very long doc. But I wanted to remember everything I was thinking at the time as a gift to my future self, in case I ever attempt a big project like this again and feel paralyzed.

Orpheus allowed me to explore themes and beliefs I suppose have been marinating in my heart for years. For anyone who is still interested, below are some of my thoughts and personal experiences around the main themes.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness and redemption are always what I reach for in my serious fics. I think I fumbled it in my Aladdin fic (or didn’t really get to the redemption part), but I was able to explore it more thoroughly and with more integrity in Orpheus, with an additional decade of life experience. 

I think forgiveness is a difficult and fascinating theme to handle because it is so highly personal and often carries memories of deep hurt for ‘victims’ or shame for ‘perpetrators’. I was grateful when readers sometimes shared their personal beliefs and experiences with it in their comments. In order to treat this theme with respect, I wanted to convey that forgiveness should not come cheaply. That is not to say it’s bad to be merciful and quick to forgive—those are amazing virtues. But the act of forgiveness comes at a cost and can be incredibly painful. The cost does not simply vanish due to good feelings or an act of the will.

Someone can either withhold forgiveness and make the other person pay the cost—in Orpheus, this would have been Yor rejecting or taking revenge on Twilight and leaving him to feel horribly guilty about Yuri’s injury for the rest of his life. Or they can choose to forgive and pay the cost themselves. In my own experience it feels physically painful. It feels like extreme grief. This is what I wanted to portray, the devastation to the spirit, as well as the catharsis that can follow. Because after the cost is paid, what we gain is healing. The ability to move on and no longer feel like we’ve swallowed glass. And the mending of a relationship, if both sides are willing. In the case of Yor and Twilight, it makes their relationship even stronger, like a broken bone healing stronger than before. And it adds weight to the trials they would face together after that moment.

Forgiveness of self / Perfectionism

Of all the conflicts in the fic, “Twilight vs. himself” is the last one to be resolved. Even after the man has been forgiven by the people he loves, he still struggles not to hate himself. To find his life to hold any value outside of being a highly competent spy. I think many people go through some version of this struggle. I certainly did and still do sometimes, with regards to work and career.

I chose Orpheus as the title to illustrate the journey of someone who carries an enormous burden on their shoulders. Trying to save the person they love and having to follow a strict rule of never turning around or they will lose it all. All the while, the temptation to look back is incredibly powerful. Twilight bears the burden of WISE’s expectations as their top spy, the hero who has stopped nuclear missile launches, who will supposedly prevent the next war from breaking out. He also carries the expectations of his newfound family which call him to turn away from the ruthlessness of his mission. To look back at them, and not abandon them for the sake of world peace. And finally he carries the guilt of what happened to Yuri, and the pain of keeping all the secrets resulting from Shellbury.

In Orpheus, Twilight harbors both a very low sense of self-worth as well as a highly inflated sense of self-importance. He sees himself as a discardable tool who has done unforgivable things for his missions, with no right to love and be loved. But at the same time he sees himself as the lynchpin to maintaining the fragile geopolitical peace. Responsible for never screwing up, ever. Responsible for the fact Yuri was shot, even though he tried his best to spare him. He’s an unreliable, self-absorbed narrator, and the other characters around him also parrot his guilt back at him throughout most of the fic. Until the end, where I try to address the illusion of control and how a good portion of his guilt is unrealistic and undeserved. 

Unfortunately for many people who carry this kind of burden, no one tells us that it’s okay to turn around. That we are indeed not responsible for more than our own choices, and we certainly cannot be responsible for circumstances outside of our control. I’ve worked jobs where I’ve been asked to do the impossible. My first job out of college, the expectations were incredibly high. I got no training and was thrown into a project in a foreign language and an unfamiliar industry. I pulled so many late nights that in the second week I fainted on the way to the office. And I was told this was normal. That in order to succeed like everyone else, I would figure out a way to solve each problem thrown at me, no matter how impossible.

And what sucks is when you start succeeding. You pull off miracle after miracle and then people start expecting it of you like it’s normal. The reward for success isn’t a break. It’s more work. Harder work. And you buy into that unrealistic narrative that you should be able to do it or something must be wrong with you, you must be broken and can’t perform like you used to. And when you finally break, you get spit out and discarded like an outdated machine. They find the next, younger miracle worker to buy into the narrative.

Knowledge vs Wisdom

This is an easier one. Funny that Twilight’s agency is called WISE in canon. But what is wisdom? The ability to discern between right and wrong, to utilize knowledge effectively for the greater good, to know how to truly live life and live it well. 

Twilight strikes me as the kind of person who uses knowledge as a weapon, not too dissimilarly to Yuri who literally states “knowledge is power.” Twilight hoards knowledge like building an arsenal, so he can always be prepared for any problem. And this is how nations treat knowledge (intel) in the real world. Constantly trying to gain an information advantage on the enemy. 

But how does one know if one’s strategy to use all that knowledge is right? In Orpheus, the Ostanian state exhibits little wisdom in its pursuit of endless knowledge, experimenting on children and prisoners and animals to gain an edge over its rivals and amass more power for those at the top. At the same time the competition and backstabbing between the various arms of the state are almost childish in their motivations, the epitome of foolishness. Knowledge on its own does not build trust or confidence—but it can build hubris and confusion and distrust. 

One unexpectedly fun part of writing Orpheus was the dynamics between Garden and WISE. While there is distrust at the start, the leaders and members of both sides demonstrate wisdom in how they navigate the partnership and grant trust to each other bit by bit. And this feels very counterintuitive to spies who build careers off of lies and masks, as they find that truthfulness can unlock results so much faster than subterfuge. At least when it comes to dealing with Garden.

On a final note on this topic, I find it interesting that in canon Donovan Desmond claims it is impossible to know what other people are thinking and therefore human beings can never trust each other. And yet the highest form of knowledge (second only to knowing God), in my opinion, is to truly know another person to the depth of their soul. To know a person completely, and to trust and love them regardless. This is what all people yearn for, even people like Twilight who have made a fortress of masks around their true self. And this kind of knowledge is what requires deep wisdom to wield well.

Sigmund Authen’s gift of the Tree of Life plaque and the accompanying wisdom quote was an unexpected event I did not plan in my outline for Chapter 33. So was Barbara’s advice to Yor in Chapter 34, which I will end this long ramble with:

Before the two left, Barbara turned and patted Yor’s arm. “I know what it’s like to be married to a brilliant man, dear. Don’t feel discouraged. They don’t need their brilliance and worldly achievements so much as they need our love. I know it can be exhausting sometimes, but I’ve stuck by my Siggy this long through thick and thin. What he didn’t mention amidst all that blather about wisdom is that even wisdom isn’t the final goal of all of mankind’s striving. Love is. What is a life full of wisdom and philosophy if it doesn’t help you find love and keep it? In my simple little mind, that’s what wisdom is for. Goodnight, dear. Thank you for having us over.”

And that's a wrap for my 2024!

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

(I wish I could ask this in a video with GamingMagic13’s editing style, but I don’t have the energy for that.)

People say that, after Antibug, Chloé’s redeeming qualities started to show through throughout Seasons 2 and 3 because Thomas Astruc didn’t contribute to those episodes of those seasons as if he wasn’t on the writing team for every episode for those two seasons, including the ones showing Chloé’s redeeming qualities.

It’s not “Thomas left so the other writers started to make a redemption for Chloé, but then he came back and threw it all away”, it’s leaning more towards “Thomas, along with other writers, wanted to waste our time with Chloé pity parties for two seasons and trick people into feeling bad for her, which worked on plenty of reactors, and then yank the rug out from under them just for the sake of pulling a rug out from viewers” whether it’s the truth or not.

Also, do you get the feeling that, if people weren’t harassing Thomas and his family over Chloé’s “abandoned redemption”, Chloé wouldn’t have been made into evil incarnate to spite people?

Considering that the hiatus between Seasons 3 and 4 started towards the end of 2019, had to continue throughout 2020 due to the COVID pandemic with only the New York special to keep us busy in September 2020, and then finally ended shortly after 2021 started, that would have been plenty of time to rework scripts, because we know he was also on the writing team for every episode of Seasons 4 and 5 alongside 2 and 3, to made Chloé more and more unlikeable while propping up the male adults to spite Chloé fans, like several episodes of Teen Titans GO! and even this show are guilty of.

Whether all of this is true or not, I think it all lines up too well for too many other outcomes.

The "Thomas Astruc was able to completely rewrite the plans for this character and no one stopped him" take has always been a little wild to me especially since Chloe never showed meaningful improvement in canon. In fact, now that we've seen her story play out in all it's disappointing and time-wasting glory, you can even argue that Despair Bear was straight up telling you what we were in for since it's the same plot, just on a smaller scale.

As far as I know, there is no evidence for this "Chloe was rewritten" conspiracy. At the very least, no one has sent any my way on the multiple occasions when I've asked for it. Astruc is a credited writer for pretty much every episode involved in the Queen Bee arc and, while head writers have a good deal of power, they often don't have supreme power over their shows. This is especially true when it comes to kids shows since those have a lot of restrictions on what they can do. While I cannot speak French, I've been told that this class involves one of the writers talking about the multiple darker version of Chat Blanc that were rejected, leading to Chat Blanc being a season three episode instead of a season two episode like they originally planned.

These shows are products that are being sold to buyers who do have the power to reject the product and the writers work for a company. In most cases, they can be stopped!

There's also the fact that this is Astruc's career that we're talking about. You're arguing that he purposely messed with his reputation and screwed up the writing in the show that he's most well-known for in order to get back at online randos instead of just blocking them and moving on with his life. That's an insanely hard sell for me. Unintentional bad writing is a much easier explanation especially since he has nothing to gain from people disliking the Chloé stuff. This wasn't situation where Astruc needed to tank the show to get out of writing it. If Astruc left the project, then Miraculous would go on without him. While he came up with the initial idea, Zag owns the property.

Unless someone has hard evidence that Chloé was changed to spite fans, I am never going to buy into this conspiracy theory. Her bad writing is too in line with the show's other issues. Remember, this is the show that gave us Derision, everything about Lila, and Gabriel getting an 'ascends into the light with a smile' ending while his son sat the fight out and remains in the dark. Is Chloé really meaningfully worse than any of that?

I'd say no and, if you agree, then why do you think that she's so special? I've previously called her a canary in the coal mine and that's going to be my read until someone gives me evidence of something else. She was your warning sign that the writing was never going to be very good. I don't think she foretold just how bad it would get - that's why I kept watching - but her story showed that these writers were only good at short-form content and sucked at long-form content. In fact, Chloé's story is arguably better than a lot of the long-form stuff that the show gave us in season four and five. At least Chloé's story logically flowed together even if it was massively disapointing!

I also don't consider Chloé's season four and five writing downgrade to be all that telling because, once again, it's not unique to her. The class gets a similar downgrade in quality, going from "we'll help Marinette with her confession plans when she asks, but this isn't a major thing to us" to "we live for Adrienette and will make our own plans for Marinette to confess and force them on her/try to force Adrienette to kiss." It makes the entire class feels more shallow than ever.

Gabriel also gets a downgrade with his writing going more over-the-top than ever. We have things like him locking Adrien in a cell and using Adrien's amoks for no obvious reason even though Gabriel is supposed to get an ending where he dies totally at peace and ascends into the light. Totally nonsense choices just like the choice to make Marinette's inability to speak to Adrien because she's anxious into a full-out trauma response.

These are just a few of the many, many, many writing downgrades.

If you truly believe the Chloé conspiracy, then I'd strongly encourage you to watch at least the first of the videos I'm about to link and see if you notice similarities. I have all of them set to the specific, relevant timestamps in case you don't want to watch a massive video to see what I'm talking about because they all talk about more than the conspiracies that arose in these fandoms when the writing got "bad" (especially the last one. The conspiracy gets a very brief mention. I really only included it because I wanted three examples and just went with ones big enough that someone else had done research on the topic because it's not an area of fandom that I've ever waded into).

I'm linking these videos because I wanted to give you more than me just saying "this kind of thing happens all the time when media gets bad." Watching just a few minutes of each of these should give you the context you need assuming the timestamps work:

As you can hopefully see, the Chloé stuff is nothing new. So many pieces of media do something disappointing and then fans create conspiracies for why it happened, refusing to accept what is most likely to be the unfortunate truth: the writers thought they told a good story or, at the very least, they did the best they could within the confines they were working with be those confines monetary, temporal, and/or the limits of their own skills. That doesn't make the bad writing okay, you're fully valid in being upset, but there's also no need to create a conspiracy theory around it. It's probably not that deep. This shit happens all the time, especially in larger fandoms.

This is why I often give the advice of, "don't trust your mental health to stories that you have no control over." Is not that fandom isn't fun, I've just seen this shit before and I always feel bad for those who get involved with it. I've luckily never gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole, but I have gotten really upset when other fans continued to like a show that was bad, actually, and got a good deal of catharsis when most of the fandom woke up after the final was terrible. That still wasn't a good experience for me, though. It was not a healthy mindset to be waiting with baited breath for total strangers to agree with me that this random show was bad. I'm much better of bashing it with those who agree that it's bad, moving on when I'm no longer having fun, and letting those who like it be wrong (that is both a joke and real advice. Don't waste your time trying to change people's minds on something as insignificant as Miraculous. Just let them be wrong.)

[undershyperfixate]

Ranting about Ashlyn and Aiden ( concerning Red story)

( this is spoiler free, I will only discuss things that happened until ep 72)

Edit : This was sitting in my draft for so long omg

( One of those rant is inspired by a convo I had with Moon)

(edit: I've just realized while editing this that your surname is biin and not moon I apologize)

SO, sure there's an sbg hiatus, but that doesn't stop me from nourishing myself with any content there is 🫡

What content do we have here?

I've thought about that so many times while reading fanfics about sbg, especially because there's a lot of alternative universes fanfics and I would ask myself "would they even be friends without those events?"

And now we have our answer; no.

But what's interesting then is that Ashlyn would only get close with Aiden in universes where an event would force a proximity. More defined by an event where they would be forced to interact and understand each other to survive the event, without this event, their relationship wouldn't exist. Which is understandable since as shown in the webtoon, before the dimension; she avoids him, she distanced herself, and she would have continued to do that.

But most of all, I want to talk about the last sentence. ( I'm extremely bad with context clues so I'm not sure if the last sentence "they've grown closer and find comfort in understanding one another" is about the whole group or just Ash and Aiden, but let's act as if it was about Ash and Aiden).

Them both being neurodivergent ( Canon-wise, Ash is autistic and Aiden has ADHD) adds a lot to their understanding of each other and how they can find comfort in being together ( platonic or romantic).

I'm going to use one of some scenes to explain my thesis

My favorite, scene, of all time. I love everything about that I'm going to explode.

Okay anyway, here we can see that Aiden noticed Ashlyn depressed state fastly, without even needing words, he knows about her boundaries so he just caress their knuckles together ( that sounds so medical) as a way to comfort her without making her uncomfortable. He understands her needs and boundaries and wants to still be able to be there for her and make her feel better in his own way so he does it in the most thoughtful way

The way he's shocked at the contact and can't handle seeing her cry omg :( the way he wraps his hand around her in a comforting manner, like he just knows what to do when it's needed, without overstepping her boundaries in any way.

And now later on,

Aiden was the first one to see that ash felt distressed about driving again, ( due to her feeling guilty when Tyler fell and that she wasn't able to go back). He proposes to drive even tho has zero experience in driving ( he probably wanted to try for some thrills too) but also because he understood how uneasy it was for her, same as when they were in the hospital.

And now for the main scene that inspired me to write this

He's staying beside her when he's running and immediately grabs her arm when she stumbles because of the sudden loud noises. He sat beside her and put his hands on the headphones to help her muffle the sounds even more. That's such a genuinely adorable way of showing that you care by doing an act of service, but also them being both written as neurodivergent makes me think that they understand each other in a relatable way, in a "helping one another accommodate to their struggles" kinda way. The same way as Ash is said to be unconsciously more protective of Aiden because he's more hyperactive and takes more risks.

Everything about this rant can be taken as both platonic or romantic, as I tried to stay on red's words to describe their dynamic. ( Did I already say that? I get distracted easily)

I've finished my little rant, thanks for reading

[jolalibrary]

hello, hi, hola ✨

JO'S PSA ANNOUNCEMENT

and a little explanation. so I hope you’ll forgive me for taking up your time (especially after celebrating non stop). and I know only a bit ago I moved hope they caught us to a two-weekly upload, but I’m actually going to put it on a hiatus.

this wasn't something i found easy, but i'm trying to learn from 2023 jo and if any of you were here then, you know i slowly burnt out forcing myself to do something.

[more info under the cut 💁‍♀️ (if interested)]

I still like the story, and I still love my plan—but I’m struggling to execute it. it's making me feel stressed, and I don’t want to force myself to put something out I’m not happy with, or come to regret either.

and there has always been something about the story that made me nervous? at first, I thought it was because it was new, and it would go away, but honestly, it kinda didn’t? and so i pushed on because I've loved what I had already put out.

so then, I thought maybe that’s just me? maybe I’m running out of ideas or thinking too deeply?

and then I wrote in my room (the javi one shot) and began to write 'do me yourself' (which was meant to be a one shot) and realised that isn't the case at all. if anything, it kinda showed me that I’m trying to force a square into a rectangle hole — and while it does fit, it’s not fitting as well as it could.

I thought the break between chapters (because of DMY) would help, but if anything, it’s made that feeling I have stand out even more.

so, I am not abandoning it, but more, taking longer to work on it when I want to — and without the pressure.

i can now spend time working through knots and oddities without feeling like i'm letting you all down. so when I do begin posting (whenever that will be) I can be consistent for both you and myself.

for now, I’m going to take this week off from a consistent upload (I’ll likely still drabble, and probably end up doing more than I even should) and Tuesday 20th will be do me yourself — with that becoming the weekly series for a while (the frankie fans rejoice).

if you know me, you know this wasn’t an easy thing to decide, and I know i don't even need to even justify this with a long arse post - like it's on hiatus, big deal? but, i'm anxious. I care a lot, and I care about being consistent and showing up. and so, while I do feel a bit bad, guilty, sad that I’m doing this, i know it's also the right thing.

I hope you can understand, and I hope that you’ll stick around for sunny ✨

[iraprince]

do u have any advice for those that want to run a quest?

it feels a LEETLE silly answering this when all my own are currently on hiatus bc i got busy (SORRY TO CALLIST0 READERS LOL) BUT!!! yes i do. i have only ever run quests/interactive comics on the site questden, so i guess as a baseline this will kind of all be geared towards that, but i think most of this should translate to any hosting situation

you have to be cool with your plots branching and mutating in unexpected ways, and you have to be willing to play ball with your readers. quests are a collaboration between the author and the audience. it often feels a lot like gming a tabletop campaign (and that's the origin!! questden, specifically, was originally an offshoot of /tg/.) -- we've all had or heard about bad GMs who view their position as that of a narrative dictator who exists to punish and prod a captive group of players thru their own personal novel, but a good GM is interested in telling stories as a group. u have final say and have to stay true to the important stuff abt ur story, but if u get mad or frustrated when ur readers want to explore something "off topic" or aren't following the threads of ur narrative the way u expected them to, u don't actually want to run a quest, u just want to make a webcomic w mandatory comments. (the flip side of this is: consider if the story u want to make is the right one for an interactive quest. if it is REALLY important to u that the plot beats of a story go a certain way, maybe save it for a medium where u have more control!)

keep it loose and fast. the art does not matter. i am rly guilty of not following this one, but i still think it's really important! one of the things i like best about quests is the barrier to entry is very low and you SHOULD be able to start and maintain one very quickly. if i were better at keeping my art scrabbly and sketchy and loose, my stuff would not go on hiatus as often as it does. draw fast! it's NICE if the art is gorgeous to look at and definitely will draw readers, but it's way better if the art is simple enough that you can update frequently and without much stress. the quality of ur writing + character building, and whether u are telling a story that's engaging and that ur readers feel meaningfully involved in, is 100000x more important than the art.

on the more nitty gritty side: try to have a hook in each update. one of the most common reasons suggestions die off is readers being unsure of what they're supposed to do next. sure, too much spoonfeeding could end up feeling like railroading, and you don't have to end every single update by getting right in their faces and yelling "WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT??", but when you finish an update try to take a second to put yourself in a reader's shoes and see if there's an obvious next step. is there a course of action to decide on/debate, are there clear questions they can ask an npc, etc -- i can't think of a great way to describe it, but you want to avoid ending an update on a note where the player character and readers are basically sitting there looking at each other like "um... okay. that's that, then." some ppl even just end all their updates w multiple choice options, which is a super simple way to keep things moving if it fits the style of what ur doing. if you don't want it to be that overt but you still can't think of a way for there to be a clear hook, you can at least try to leave a little nudge in the narration that invites the readers to try to tie whatever they've just done/learned back into the pc's main goals/motivations or current tasks. (on this subject, VERY useful for your main character to have a very specific goal or end destination that everyone is on the same page abt. it's harder for your plot to lose momentum if you can always point at what your readers are supposed to be moving toward!)

finally: KEEP UPDATING EVEN IF YOU GET VERY FEW/NO SUGGESTIONS. it's a niche genre. questden is a small website. it's hard to get people to read something new, especially if it's in a new and unfamiliar format (and especially especially when it's on a website that looks like a chanboard lmao). picking up readers takes a long time, and a lot of people lurk without suggesting (ESPECIALLY if it's a difficult/plot-important decision, and also especially in the opposite, if it's a very obvious next step and someone else has already commented what most ppl would say). it's very tempting to want to wait for more suggestions bc u "only" have one or two, and then that wait becomes stagnation, and then you're frustrated and u end up dropping the quest bc "nobody cares." instead u just have to push thru!!!! u only have two suggestions and u wish u had more? maybe next update u'll get more. u have NO suggestions and u feel like that means ur quest is dead in the water? NOPE! the solution is to update again, bc maybe ppl with latch on more and have something to say in the next scene. the more u update ur quest, the more u'll be able to talk abt it (and maybe get more readers), and specifically in the case of questden the more ur thread will be bumped to the front page. think abt how many times you've seen ppl talking abt a webcomic or a book and thought "i need to check that out eventually...." but it takes months for you to actually do it. 99.9999% of the time, ppl need to see something MULTIPLE TIMES before they check it out!! most readers do not come from clicking something the very first time they see it!! i know it can feel lonely and discouraging, but u owe it to ur art and the stories u want to tell to keep trying, even if engagement is very low at first, otherwise you're killing it before it's even had a chance. like, get shameless about it. ask your buddies to comment on your quest. but give that horse a few really good whacks before you decide it's dead!! i think that's my main thoughts. if you have any more specific questions i'm happy to help if i can! but also i think you'll learn the most by just jumping in and fucking around. quests are easy to pick up and easy to drop, and imo do really well as a playground where u test different ways to draw and tell stories, so might as well just get messy.

[hectorthedoggo]

Mahiru decides it’s her turn to do the parenting of es (inno verdict au)

THIS IS SO BAD OH MY GOd but if you guys wanna read it i suppose food is food. i am going on hiatus after this one (if all goes well) (I do have ~1.8k of next fugue chapter done but... i don't like it...)

-

start of character study fic that i never finished

When Mahiru was young, she had once found a baby bird in her yard. It had fallen from the nest, and it seemingly had nowhere to go.

It begged, yelled, for anyone to help it. Mahiru had excitedly taken it in, cradling it as gently as possible, finding all sorts of books in the library on how to take care of a baby bird.

As she had grown closer to it, in taking care of it, watching it grow, a new sense of pride came in. And, a new feeling, she would come to know, as posessiveness.

She didn’t hang out with her friends, instead opting to watch it hop around in her little homemade nest.

Eventually, her parents caught on, and explained to her, with slight horror, that she had done something bad.

But, they never explained what about it was bad. They didn’t let her outside often, after that incident.

But, she never learned from the incident.

It always stuck in her head, as she pined through reading romance, of the idea of one true love, one to fawn over until they both died, a love that lasted through trials and tribulations.

As the world threw more and more issues and expectations at her, she decided to latch onto that idea. Just as she had found that bird in her backyard, she believed it was fate.

-

The next time she had met the bird from her childhood was with Ren. He was crying on the school rooftop, and Mahiru took one look at him.

She knew.

So, she softly introduced herself, asking him what was wrong.

The rest was history.

-

He was dead. He was dead. He was dead.

The one she thought would stay with her, forever, gone.

And it might’ve been just because of her.

Yapping yapping

Milgram used to be empty. There used to be nothing, a sense of doubt. The INNOCENT verdict changed everything.

She realized how true her love was. How perfect it was.

Post highlighting ideas

Okay guys so you have heard of overly-paternal Shidou. Now get ready for: overly-maternal Mahiru. (maybe in a fic). I just wanna explain my reasoning for believing in this so that it doesn’t seem sudden IF she gets like this.

Mahiru and Shidou are foils for a reason.

She’s in love with ‘love’, which can be interpreted as a lot. It could be interpreted as romantic, yes, but also platonic.

Yes, her guilty verdict didn’t do good, but imagine what an INNOCENT verdict would do. She would assume her idea of love is correct (it isn’t). (even with the guilty verdict, she kept kinda believing in love. *shivers*)

And, drawing from the bf was already suicidal mentality, that’s a sort of “i can fix him” mentality she took there. Like, finding an injured baby bird, and taking care of it to feel better about herself, despite accidentally ruining its future.

It doesn’t matter if it’s romantic in nature or not; she’s in love with the idea of taking care of sometihng.

That mentality would get WORSE. Because, I’m assuming she used love as a coping mechanism; which, would be expemplified in a stressful environment such as milgram.

I think they all need fixing, but guess who is ALONE. Guess who is young, pathetic, and not coping well with an environment they were forced into.

Guess who’s the equivilant of an injured baby bird. That’s right folks: Es Milgram.

I think it would start with minor things, like checking in with them.

And, they would want the comfort, they would crave it, but insist otherwise. She would figure out their craving, and OH GOOD LORD.

Someone’s not getting their complaints listened to (they don’t know better they don’t know true love_

She would fall deeper and deeper into her mentality of ‘they need my help, it’s so domestic’ ‘i’m useful this way’ ‘this is almost like my purpose’

I actually know someone who’s kinda like this (less intense ofc), but with dogs and children and says it’s kinda like this. So. i have some backing for this mentality.

She would enjoy taking care of them, too much. She would sing them to sleep, she would bring their meals, encourage them to rest, basically be an impromptu mother. (fluff except es is slowly watching their sense of agency and therefore get taken away from them)

But, she would also get a little exhausting to be around, to keep up with. They’re constantly getting their sense of authority undermined, but they’ve also become a little addicted to love

And that’s fitting perfectly into the gender roles she loves, too. She’s def vibing.

Eventually, it would get to be too much, and they would start locking their door unless they have a moment of weakness and open the door for her.

Which, would increase her relentless knocking. Mahiru’s known to be relentless in terms of her love (breakup ritual and shi)

I think eventually, they would give up, and simply let her in, asking her to leave them alone.

T2 she would get a guilty verdict because audience can’t deal with her.

And i think that would make her WORSE, like accidentally guilt-tripping them to why she got a guilty verdict; 

Es would have an emotional attachment to her (accident), and that would make things worse for them. Bc. guilty verdict

idk tho i’ll probably just gonna write some comfort scenes from this au. It would probably be called ‘nestling’ or smth like that :D es would get comfort but at what cost (sickfic cauesd by trying to stay away from Mahiru)

Adding on about traditional family roles; shidou could potentially also participate in this madness. He could end up being the mediator, like the “i agree but maybe leave this kid alone”

Meanwhile, this whole time, Es is trying to hold onto their sense of identity, they hate being ‘babied’. dumpsterfire

es just wants to be warden please stop adding them to the “new (unhealthy) family 💛🩶🩵” gc

#excuse to write a platonic yandere fic #because i really really wanna do that for like a period of 30 minutes then look back on it like tf why would i write thsi #would i be forgiven if i wrote a fic like that vote now on your phones # but would you guys gen wanna see this

Es weakly coughed, curling up on their bed, trying to ignore everything. Their eyes and nose leaaked, and they were utterly pathetic and fatigued.

There was a knock on their door. “Es? Es, can I come in? Sorry, you’re really worrying me…”

Please. Please, god, just leave me alone.

“Mahiru- please… go away…” Their voice was parched; they hadn’t wanted to go out and get water. Holing myself up seemed like the best solution, but…

“Es? Oh no, sweetie, you really don’t sound good. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Please leave me alone. “Go…”

The rapid knocking resumed. “Es, c’mon. Let me in… I’ll make you your favorite~!”

I’ve never had a favorite. I just needed the food.

Their head shot through with pain, and they let out a little whimper.

She gasped. “Oh no! You’re sick!” No shit, Sherlock. “C’mon, Es, you’re going to have to let me in… sickness can be very bad, if left alone like this! Y’know, just having someone with you can increase healing!”

I bet she read that in a magazine. She is right, though. I do need food, I do need to drink, I definitely need sleep.

I just… can’t. Not with her around. I was just trying to cut her off, to get her away from me. Why isn’t she going? It’s been 2 days, she’s literally slept outside of my room.

“Es?”

This feels like a horror movie. Please.

Another knock.

Something in them broke. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t die here, so I have to be dependent. Honestly, though…

They used the last bits of their strength to open the door, to let her in.

She looked like she had been crying, but immediately scooped their weak self up into her arms. I hate this. Please, let me go.

They didn’t have the voice to say that. It wasn’t as if she’d listen. She ran her hand through their hatless hair. “Wah! Es, I’ll just have to wash this. But I’ll have to feed you, first.”

Get away from me. I could’ve done that myself, it’s just… they shivered. I’m scared of her.

Hey, at least I understand her boyfriend a little more, a beaten up optimism pointed out. My opinion doesn’t matter. With that MV, I’m pretty sure she’s going to get guilty.

It doesn’t matter my opinion on the matter. It would be biased.

She kept cradling them, forgetting about their other basic needs, before they coughed. “Ah right! I’m so scatterbrained. Here, Es. I’ll lay you down, and bring the food to you. I’ll be right back with water, then I’m going to prepare the food!”

They didn’t know what to say. They didn’t know what to think.

She hummed, a stark contrast to the earlier desperation in her voice, as she moved them towards their bed, gently tucking them in.

“Alright, Es. I’ll be right back, don’t you worry!”

As soon as she left, they allowed themself some tears. I really don’t like this. This isn’t who I am. I can’t be doted on like this, I need to be working.

She won’t let me get a word in. I’m not sure what to think around her.

a/n: TOP FIVE ways to let a teen KNOW you LOVE them!!

Check in on them during their every waking hour

This is a sure sign that you love them. Really makes them feel seen!

(if they lock their door (totally by accident)) sleep outside their room for days on end :D

A great way to demonstrate care, and loyalty! Persistence is key!!

Make them lose their sense of identity

Don’t worry, they didn’t need it anyways! They don’t need to be warden!! That’s not important to you, and it shouldn’t continue.

Care for them when they get sick (totally not because they were trying to avoid interactions with you)

Teehee what are you talking about? It must be some outer source of stress!

It’s really fun when they’re dependent!! Cherish that!!

Don’t let them discourage you!

It only matters that you enjoy this love. They might be a little unreceptive, but they’ll warm up to you! It might just take a bit!

^ Make sure to repeat the first 4 steps to assure them you’re not leaving, no matter how hard they try!! They’re just misguided, dw!! :)

[mamadarama]

bad end alt timeline?? oaugh i love mama and do rlly want him to have a happy ending (honestly anything going well for him would be nice at this point) but im SO curious <3

ohh man. ok. ooookkkkaaaay. so i sort of havent posted details about this one cuz it is A LOT to take in all at once..... and as we all know im a hardcore hurt/no comfort fan which is not everyones cup of tea. but um.... okay. okay. this is going under a readmore cuz itll be a long one

its basically if madaras storyline ended very soon in a worst case scenario. his reason for going on hiatus from mam and disbanding double face is because hes tying up loose ends . he holds being related by blood to too high a status and wasnt able to recognize in time that just because he no longer has a blood family doesnt mean he has no family at all. it becomes too much for him to bear and hes lonely, and cant imagine where hed be in the future. he starts to feel like hes becoming a dead weight for his friends and causing them too much secondhand distress . he thinks it would be better if he ripped the band aid off so to speak, it would hurt for a moment but never again *. he finishes tying up the rest of his loose ends, and commits suicide by jumping into the ocean from a cliff with a lighthouse where he and kanata spent a lot of time as children. (this isnt canon i made it up for impact) he felt it fitting to meet his end where it all began, in the water that acted as his red string of fate, remained a constant in both his best and worst memories, and has long since become a symbol of his grief.

* he is wrong about this.

his grave is on this cliff. kanata visits often to talk to him. kohaku also does. his family did in fact come to the funeral. chiaki feels a little guilty despite knowing it wasnt his fault. its easier with kanata supporting him. madara left a note telling him to take care of kanata. leo locked himself in his room again and would have followed madara if izumi hadnt snapped him out of it. kohaku wears his hair in braids regularly now. no one mentions it or double face. rei is coping well, he recognized the signs and had anticipated this might happen but knew he wouldnt be able to talk madara out of it, so he focused more on making the most of the time they had left together. he seems a little more distant these days though. tsumugi tries not to think about it. sora thinks about it a lot, but the feeling eventually stopped aching and became more of recalling fond memories. keito and mitsuru feel sorry for madara. kuro is still in shock since he had no idea about madaras history, and it probably wont ever fully sink in, which might be for the best.

also as a little bonus , read the lyrics to hey you by pink floyd after you read this post.

so yeah! thats my catharsis fuel. dw im in therapy.

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Informal Semi-Kinda-Sorta-Hiatus

So I'm realizing that I've accidentally let fandom slip into the mental realm of Chore/Work. Which is absolutely no one's fault but my own: my experiences with people in the fandoms I hang out in have been almost entirely lovely, and while I'll pat myself on the back a bit for having such fussy curation, most of it is just people being wonderful. Nobody has made me feel pressured about anything.

And yet I'm noticing that I've started treating myself like a Content Creator™ and a Social Media Manager™. I worry about things. Have I been posting often enough? (No.) Am I balancing original posts with reblogs correctly? (No.) Do I have the right meta-to-shitpost ratio? (No.) Am I active on all the platforms where I have a presence often enough? (No.) Have I replied to all my A03 comments? (I have not. I am so sorry. There are almost 40 sitting there right now oh god.) When am I going to update those WIPs? (Hell if I know.)

This past week I posted a oneshot anonymously (go find it if you wanna lol, I do NOT think it would be hard for my regulars to spot) just because...I didn't want to write the lengthy author's notes I usually do (something which I know I do not have to do, yet I feel beholden to the precedent I've set). I didn't want to analyze it for every possible trigger and warn accordingly (something which I know I do not have to do, yet I feel beholden to the precedent I've set [trigger warnings of course are excellent within reason but I have definitely sometimes overdone it]). I didn't want to acknowledge and justify my ridiculous characterizations (something which I know I do not have to do, yet I feel beholden to the precedent I've set). I didn't want to feel guilty for writing a silly oneshot off the cuff instead of working on my WIPs (something which I know I do not have--- Well. You get the picture. Fic writing and blogging have started to feel like homework or a work assignment instead of the escapist hobby I desperately want them to be.

So what's the solution? Well, the title, really. I'm not leaving, I'm not saying I'm definitely not gonna be doing anything, I'm just...backing off a little bit. Truth is that right now I'm hyperfixated on a video game, but it's not something I have any urge to be fandom-y about (and I'm not naming it cuz I've talked to too many people offline about it who I know are also on tumblr and who I don't want finding this account lmao.) So I'm just gonna go enjoy that, whether it be for a couple of weeks or a couple of months. I'll still be on here probably every day, just more lurky than necessarily active. We're super close now to new Yuumori and I'm hoping that will kickstart that interest again. I really really want to write that omegaverse, and I really like what I have of it so far, but the drive just isn't there right now. And I haven't forgotten about Disrepute or Slow and Steady.

Anyway, hell, for all I know next week I might get struck by a sudden bolt of wild inspiration and bang out 10k words. But I'm gonna stop making myself feel bad for not being in the mood to force it.

You are all absolutely delightful, I appreciate you all so very very much, and I will be lurking in your notes. ❤️

[whiterosebrian]

Confession on Israel-Palestine

Ladies and gentlemen and nonbinary folks, if you want to know how my current break from social media has been going, I’m afraid that I can’t say much.  I don’t feel like I’ve made much progress in self-rehabilitation.  It doesn’t help that I haven’t been able to meet with the clinical social worker for counseling often enough due to delays in the first two meetings.  It doesn’t help that the warehouse job still wears me out terribly.  It doesn’t help that the weather here in Indiana hasn’t been quite right yet for outdoor meditation. 

I’ve pondered when I might resume making and posting original work to my social media pages.  I haven’t decided yet.  That choice may depend on what the next month or so are like for me. 

The main reason why I wrote this journal entry is to make a confession.  Several factors led me to go off on my current hiatus from social media, which I intend to discuss in depth at a later day.  However, what especially provoked me to quit posting and declare my absence was the latest flare-up in violence in Israel-Palestine and the back-and-forth polemics on social media.  I felt unable to meaningfully address it. 

I acknowledge the ethno-nationalist administrations in Israel that have grown more radically right-wing over the years.  I cannot dismiss the reports of long-standing human rights abuses in Israel.  I cannot dismiss the suffering and death involved in the establishment of the modern state of Israel.  I dare not dismiss Palestinians who suffer and die whenever the violence flares up in that little strip of land!  I further acknowledge that most people who join demonstrations against Israel have only the best of intentions. 

Why haven’t I spoken out more often on Palestine, though?  There are still too many cases where condemnation of Israel is a thin veil for condemnation of the Jewish people as a whole.  Is Judaism not an ancient ethno-religion that has long-standing ties to Eres Yisra’el, the Land of Israel, however widely dispersed it may have been?  As a white European living on Turtle Island, am I not much, much more of an alien than a Jewish person living near Jerusalem?  Even considering ethnocentrism within the Zionist movement, is that still not a serious response to the long, tragic history of marginalization, persecution, expulsion, and eventual genocide?  Doesn’t anti-Jewish hatred persist today?  Doesn’t anti-Jewish propaganda come in the form of dog-whistles?  Speaking as an ex-Catholic, I’ve seen Catholic fundamentalists claim to reject “racial antisemitism”—in a conveniently narrow sense—while espousing their usual anti-Jewish narratives.

Those sorts of dog-whistles have made me wary of much (not all, but much) of the rhetoric that I’ve seen.  I don’t want to shut down or belittle Jewish people who express pain and fear.  I do acknowledge the increasingly sharp divides—especially generational divides—within the Jewish community over Israel.  I was also surprised to read about the historical real-world alternatives to political Zionism, most notably the Bundist movement, whose main principle was about establishing Jewish cultural enclaves throughout the Diaspora while agitating for socialist justice. 

What of the Jewish people who still express fear of antisemitism and still express attachment to the land of Israel?  I’m not supposed to dismiss their voices and stories as settler-colonial propaganda that needs to be censored, am I?  I’m not supposed to regard them all as hyper-privileged, lying, greedy, bloodthirsty, all-controlling aliens, am I?  I’m not supposed to ridicule them as passive-aggressive crybaby Nazis worthy only of isolation, am I?  I’m not supposed to declare them all guilty of genocide and needing to be punished accordingly for the rest of their lives, am I?  I’m not supposed to judge them all as Bad Jews and leave only a tiny remnant of Good Jews, am I? 

Over the course of the reactions, rants, and reflections that I’ve written into my private spiral-bound journal, I noted a fixation on Jewish safety and Jewish freedom.  Why?  Euro-American guilt?  Ex-Catholic guilt?  Have Israel-supporting organization exaggerated the prevalence of anti-Jewish hatred?  I’ve read of dissension within such organizations as the Anti-Defamation League and J Street.  Surely, though, claiming that the entire world celebrates and pampers the Jewish people would be completely ridiculous. 

You might recall the incidents of anti-Jewish intimidation and violence that sometimes appear in news outlets.  Aren’t there people with big voices like Nick Fuentes who would gladly do gods-know-what to the Jewish people if they somehow took power?  Hasn’t anti-Jewish propaganda spread beyond Europe as well?  Aren’t there Islamic fundamentalists who call for the destruction of Jewish people, branding them as conspiring overlords or as apes and pigs?  I hear about Jews and Muslims living in harmony in the Middle East in the olden days, but that narrative does strike me as sounding too good to be true—haven’t Jews faced discrimination and violence there too?  I’m willing to be educated on the nuances within said narrative. 

I trust that you understand that I reject the notion of collectively punishing Muslims, Arabs, or Palestinians.  I wish for no group of people to be collectively punished, especially a group that has notoriously suffered domination and alienation and worse over centuries.  Has something gone wrong my desire to stand with Jewish people?  Is that why I’ve neglected to publicly speak for Palestinians?  Once again, I dare not deny that Palestinians face suffering and death under the watch of a powerful Israeli state backed by other powerful states. 

I’ve gotten the sense that I’m being pressured to choose which people to support—but I would be very happy to be proven wrong.   I am not yet totally confident that the free-free-Palestine movement lacks undercurrents of demonizing and punishing Jewish people—but, again, I would be very happy to be proven wrong.  The point that I’ve been gesturing towards this whole time is this: I believe in harmonious and joyous co-existence of various peoples and cultures on lands that they work together on healing and enriching.  I’ll grant that phrases like “it’s complicated” can be cop-outs, but they can surely also be expressions of uncertainty over how to best resolve serious problems.

I ask you to write to and call your local elected leaders and put pressure on them to not only demand a ceasefire but also demand full civil and human rights for Palestinians.  Surely that is something that we can do.  I even wrote and mailed letters to Jewish organizations such as the ones mentioned previously, asking them to hold Israel’s leaders and elites accountable, stand up more forcefully for Palestinians, and seriously engage with Jewish anti-Zionists—not to lecture them as some sort of superior Aryan, but to encourage dialog as a fellow civil-rights activist. Did that in itself risk “mansplaining” antisemitism?  I trust that I had good intentions.  I wish for peace and freedom for all, and I wish to understand more fully how that can become a reality.