#and I think its safe to say its a very genuine warm connection
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loeewenzahn · 1 year ago
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So I've thought about bojere a bit recently, and why whatever they have touches me so immensely. It's because I want a relationship like that. Someone who manages to touch me on such a profound level that it's impossible to be fake or not show them love. I don't mean this in a romantic way necessarily, but more in a queerplatonic way. Imagine the max of love you can give a person without it relying on heteronormative/amatonormative standards.
I'm unsure if I actually want a conventional romantic relationship or not, but what I'm sure about is that I lack genuine frindships on a, lets call it soulmate level. Just someone who you click with and don't hold back. I miss that, I'd like that. And that's what makes my heart ache when I see those two idiots
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lunartuness · 4 months ago
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Spoilers for Book of Bill
Thoughts on Bill talking about Ford
I was not prepared for canon Billford in the year 2024 and yet here we are.
But seriously, I'm kinda surprised how much Bill actually liked and valued Ford? Obviously it's in a horrible, toxic, never come within the same continent as them kind of way but it's just, I always kind of figured their relationship (while obviously adoring from Ford's end due to Journal 3) was mainly just Bill humoring Ford long enough until he no longer needs him. Like, 'yeah, sure, of course you're special, I definitely believe in you' sort of nonsense.
But in Bill's book it's implied multiple times he had as close to a crush on Ford as he's probably capable of. I mean, the whole 'love cage' section is literally verbatim what he did to Ford (and just wait until they're mentally broken enough to confess their true feelings! Fear and love are basically the same thing!) And in the valentine's section he talks about leaving mice, which again, he did for Ford's birthday, and then when he wasn't happy about that, got him drunk enough to have a good time (implied kinda forcibly? since Ford declined beforehand). Then there's the fact he literally calls Fiddleford a third wheel (also coincidentally after we just learn Fiddleford spent hours on handmade gifts for Ford and forgot to get his wife anything).
And when Ford finally does catch on and things go bad? Bill tries first to talk with Ford through the zombies (to manipulate him, of course, but also Admit it, you'd miss me. I have missed you, and Bill actually smiles.) And then leaves little sticky notes asking nicely to talk. When he finally gets mad enough to escalate, he still does so in a very not-violent-for-Bill-way. Sure, killing Ford wouldn't help him but we know how messed up Bill can get. And yet what does he do? He leaves Ford's body to almost freeze, only to have a warm fire and a love song playing when he wakes up. He causes mild public disturbances and gives him an obnoxious tattoo. When he finally, finally snaps is when we start to see more of the Bill we got in the show when he tortures Ford a bit. But even that is mild?
Like, Bill rearranged a man's face for fun and takes joy in destroying the Nightmare Realm. But after threating Ford he leaves him unharmed. Very mentally scarred, yes, but safe and intact. He even gives him three days to get his life together. And then treats it like a messy breakup when Ford finally breaks free. Hell, it seems like he was more upset about losing Ford than losing the portal.
All this is to say that I think from Bill's point of view he was being genuinely kind to Ford. He gave him gifts, complimented him, and tried to work things out peacefully when Ford started pulling away (again, his very messed up version of peaceful, but the point still stands).
So when they do finally meet again? Bill still offers Ford a spot next to him. Again, I originally thought this was more playing into Ford's ego while taking a cheap shot at him (i.e. you'll fit in great with the freaks!), but by now it's obvious he wants Ford. He's petty and cruel and horribly abusive about it, but in his own twisted way he likes Ford. A lot. Enough to show mercy (or at least not be as violent as he could be) and to try and give him multiple chances to come back, no apology needed!
And the worst part is Bill knows this. Bill's trying to make this relationship work. He feels connected to Ford in a way he quite possibly hasn't felt with anyone else. And he knows its doomed to fail. In his mind he has to destroy everything he touches and everything he cares about. Any other connections he has are either superficial or dead to him (usually literally). This relationship will end the same way, it's just in Bill's nature. To him, that's all his relationships are capable of being.
All this just makes me sad and adds so much depth and I'm obsessed. There's just something about self-destructive and truly cruel characters having moments where they wish they weren't that way. Where they'll come the closest they ever can to apologizing for how they are.
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(Also Bill literally wanted Ford to get a tattoo saying 'If lost return to Bill' like we cannot just ignore that oh my god)
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thegirlking · 5 months ago
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Lacie and Lottie's contrasting characters
This might sound like quite a reach, because they never even met in canon, but I feel like there's such an interesting contrast between certain aspects of Lottie and Lacie's characters. They are two Baskerville women, whose very different status in the family shapes them into almost complete opposites in terms of self-expression, beliefs, experiences and relationships.
It's just interesting to think about some of the themes reflected in their characters and what they reveal about the Baskerville family. Some messy, self-indulgent analysis ahead.
Different personas and the subversion of archetypes
It's obvious even from their character designs that Lottie and Lacie present themselves very differently - and their personas seem dangerously close to some...problematic archetypes.
They could have easily been a shallow embodiment of harmful tropes - Lacie The Manic Pixie Dream Girl vs Lottie The Femme Fatale - but that's thankfully not the case. Even with somewhat limited screen time, both are given enough depth to be complex women who defy those archetypes.
What's more, I think it's safe to say that their outward personas are also kind of an "armor" - something that helped them protect themselves and deal with their respective circumstances.
Lottie comes across as this vicious Femme Fatale with cynical views of the world and its necessity for cruelty. It makes sense that she presents herself this way. After helping carry out the Sablier massacre, having to live with the blood on her hands, having to survive in a present where her family has been brought to ruin and missing a leader...she'd definitely need to become (or at least adopt the persona of) someone a little tougher, sharper and even a little more cruel.
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But she's ultimately not just some dangerous Femme Fatale and a cynic who only sees the ugly in the world - deep down, she's much more warm and caring than she seems. And by the end of the manga, it's clear that she does have love for the world too, proven by her promise to Glen.
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Lacie, on the other hand, appears to be this wild and free-spirited girl, who loves the world despite its cruelty. Lacie is someone who has been branded a cursed existence and is fated to die for it - she's also someone who refuses to be defined by victimhood. She needs to be this dreamy and free-spirited girl, needs to look for meaning in her tragic life and find beauty in the cruel world around her - otherwise she'd be swallowed by despair and loneliness.
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She's also much more complicated than a Dream Girl archetype and despite her love for the world, she's not really some idealist either. She bottles up her painful feelings until almost the very end, but when we do get a glimpse into them, it becomes clear that she's a lot more human and vulnerable than she seems.
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The two sides of the same family
The most obvious connection between Lacie and Lottie is the fact they are both part of the Baskerville family...only their experience and understanding of "family" couldn't be more different.
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For Lottie being a Baskerville is what allows her to find and create a loving family for herself, to form meaningful bonds with other people like her - the former outcasts, lost children wronged by the world, who have now found a new beginning and a place to belong. It's certainly not a perfect family, but you can tell the love, respect and loyalty between Lottie and her little group is genuine.
But for Lacie, due to her position as a Child of Misfortune, being a Baskerville could never become a salvation from being a mistreated child - it only elevates her mistreatment to a different level.
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In reality, being a Baskerville is what shatters her ability to have a normal family and leaves her with a twisted version of it: a cruel father figure who willingly corrupts their relationship in a despicable way (I'll go back to this later) and a loving brother who is bound by his "duty" to become his little sister's executioner. There is no doubt Oswald loved Lacie more than anything in the world, but it's clear that her impending death at his hands weighed heavily between them and denied them the happy sibling relationship they deserved.
Loyalty, rebelliousness and who is truly free
Lacie and Lottie's personal sense of freedom and ability to think for themselves is a major theme for both characters and is (seemingly) established from their first appearance.
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Again, Lacie is quite clearly characterized as someone rebellious and free-spirited. She has her unique beliefs, displaying that she is capable of thinking for herself. She doesn't simply accept things - she questions everything. Not only is this the impression you get from her, but she's directly described like this by Jack.
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Meanwhile, Lottie is positioned as being extremely devoted to her Master Glen. It's not that she's portrayed as "submissive", as much as she can easily come across as something of a brainwashed cultist. She helped carry out a massacre on her Master's orders without even understanding the reason why - and when confronted about it, her response is simply that the Baskervilles are "built" to obey Glen, that's just how it is.
This sounds like a far cry from Lacie who questions everything.
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But the reality is a little more complicated.
The key thing here is how Lacie and Lottie's different circumstances and status shape their personal freedom. They both exist within a system that reinforces Glen's absolute power, but Lottie is Glen's valued subordinate, while Lacie is Glen's glorified prisoner sentenced to death.
Lottie's freedom isn't being limited in a traumatizing way like Lacie's freedom has been. Like I said, Lottie found home and purpose with the Baskervilles, she wasn't being mistreated in that family, so of course she's fiercely loyal to it. Unlike Lacie, whose little acts of rebellion serve as a coping mechanism for her bleak circumstances, Lottie has little to no reason to rebel against her Master and family.
And yet, even in her first appearance (despite pretending that she doesn't mind committing any kind of violence for her Master) Lottie is clearly looking to understand the events of 100 years ago - and that already shows that she's capable of questioning things. What's more, despite the claim that the Baskervilles obey Glen by nature and can't defy him, despite Lottie's own established loyalty to Glen, she does have the agency and the ability to defy her Master.
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It takes her some time to overcome her Baskerville beliefs and make the decision, but once she realizes she can't support Glen's current path, she ultimately follows her own morals and does the right thing.
And as for Lacie...for all her free spirit and rebelliousness, she has been physically and emotionally trapped by her fate, conditioned to accept it and that makes it very difficult for her to actually rebel against it. She doesn't want to die and is terrified by that fate, but she bottles it up - and it's debatable if she ever genuinely considered the possibility of running away. She seems to find the idea of running away with Jack almost laughable.
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Maybe at that point it's understandable, considering her pregnancy which...made her fate even more inescapable in a way. But even outside of that, I don't think she could even begin to imagine a future where she's allowed to live her life.
Which is not to say Lacie's personal beliefs are somehow fake and should be dismissed, let alone looking down on her for not saving herself - she was a victim of a violent cycle and her personality only highlights that violent cycles are incredibly difficult to escape, regardless of how strong and free-spirited someone is.
Power dynamics, unhealthy relationships and Glen
This kind of echoes the previous point, but let's also take a look at it through the lens of Lacie and Lottie's relationships with (their respective) Glen.
Lottie's loyalty to Glen isn't something unique - it's a part of the Baskerville identity - however, she’s arguably the Baskerville whose loyalty is the most heavily emphasized during the story.
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What’s more, she's implied to have some romantic feelings for her Master, which adds a unique layer. On paper, the combination of her absolute loyalty and her feelings for him sounds like it could develop into something pretty toxic. It raises several red flags - being infatuated with a man who has power over her, believing said power is absolute and cannot be questioned, remaining devoted to him even after he orders her to kill innocent people.
Meanwhile, Lacie's relationship with her own Glen is established as something very different. Lacie doesn't seem to hold much respect for his position, being comfortable addressing him informally and talking back to him in a teasing manner - and this almost creates the illusion of some kind of equality and "normalness" between them, despite their power imbalance. (To be fair, it wouldn't be completely unfathomable considering they are supposed to be family.)
But it's no surprise Lacie isn't worshiping at Glen's feet. It fits with Lacie's notorious free spirit and beliefs, already shown during her encounter with Jack as a teenager.
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And what's really interesting, we see that her unique philosophy about questioning everything is the opposite of what she was told by Glen when she was a child.
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At the very least she wasn't brainwashed by him - in fact, she seems pretty disconnected by the whole notion of Glen's absolute power and the need for absolute obedience, something Lottie claims is a core part of a Baskerville's identity.
The juxtaposition is so interesting, because those dynamics are rather deceptive - while Lacie's relationship with Glen/Levi is revealed to be a lot more sinister than it seems, Lottie's relationship with Glen/Oswald ends up a lot less toxic than expected.
Lacie's relationship with Levi ultimately adds another layer to her tragic fate. No, he didn't manage to brainwash her or break her spirit, but he most definitely groomed, manipulated and conditioned her to think of her death as something inevitable - and this grooming and conditioning also make it very questionable if she could actually defy him, despite her sharp and seemingly unafraid attitude.
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Sadly, I think Lacie really internalized the idea that her death is inescapable, hence why she never considered actually running away. Instead, she clung to the "silver lining" of saving the Core from loneliness and while this might have brought some comfort to her, it doesn't change the horrific nature of the way Levi manipulated and exploited her. The rhetoric that she's going to die anyway, so it's fine for her body to be exploited is just so inherently dehumanizing. And it's very important to note here...the fact she probably didn't see herself as a victim in this situation and didn't behave as a "perfect victim" doesn't make it any less horrible and doesn't make her complicit in her own abuse. None of it is her fault.
On the other hand, Lottie's relationship with Oswald not only doesn't really turn into something toxic, but becomes a vehicle for her positive growth. Lottie proves that she isn't actually a cultist, a puppet, a foolish follower - or at least can choose not to be any of these things and be an individual with her own morals.
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There's a lot to say about the cult-like nature of the Baskerville family and how everyone was a victim of it - that's why Lacie seems like such a unique person, but in the end, her beliefs couldn't really protect her from being victimized as a part of the cycle and on personal level. Lottie might have not held Lacie's unique beliefs, but she's able to unlearn harmful Baskerville ideas about absolute obedience and she's able to defy Glen - it helps that she was not subjected to grooming, raised as a human sacrifice or abused by Glen in some way.
I think this is a good place to note - because I know it can come across this way - that my goal here isn't to pit two female characters against each other, let alone demean either of them. The point also isn't to portray Lacie as nothing but a victim, while praising Lottie's character at her expense.
Of course, Lacie isn't "just" a victim. She remained her own person and did her best to create some power for herself within bleak circumstances. She had a lot of impact on those close to her and the world around her - and that's beautiful and important, but it doesn't make her life (and death) any less tragic.
The comparison to Lottie is very intriguing to me, because Lottie is the clearest example of a Baskerville woman who is a regular member of the family. It's not that Lottie's life is a fairy tale, but my focus is that Lottie was not treated like an anomaly, a cursed existence or a prisoner in the family. And when you look at a woman who actually found a home and purpose with the Baskervilles, who wasn't abused and oppressed in a dehumanizing manner, who had a proper support system and was treated with respect, who had actual freedom - it really highlights how much was being denied to Lacie and the horror of her fate becomes even more impactful.
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bitchlessdino · 1 year ago
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i have a "your mutuals as..." question for you! you don't have to answer but i think this is a cool question (:
your mutuals as tropes?
I put a lot of thought into this. it was very fun but stressful for me lol. If I don't mention you it doesnt mean i dont love you but my brain slips or i think theres more i need to know about you <3
@onlyseokmins :childhood friends to lovers bc elv gives off this sweet wholesome vibe that makes you feel like you've known her forever. i can just imagine you being yearned for and bringing this warm sensation in someone's chest. You know everything about each other. You're just this pure light. Someone's safe space. You give nostalgia and also love.
@honeykyeom :Soulmate au; you ever meet someone that is alike you in so many ways? Someone that you somehow miss repeatedly despite breathing the same air, standing in the same town, in the same place. You're somehow always caught in several of the same frame and never met eyes, until you do. It feel like magic. It feels serendipitous but really it's fate. You were always meant to find each other.
@userwoosan :Enemies to lovers SHDGJKGSDJ you're honest, blunt, and true to yourself. I imagine you meeting someone similar like that and it gets hot and heavy, your hate melts into something more vulnerable and real. its sweet and because you've already shown these angry sides of yourselves you otherwise wouldn't show other people, its forever. you're completely just yourselves.
@seokgyuu :You're a holiday fling. Someone that you meet in a foreign place and instantly fall for them the moment your eyes meet. this instant connection that is so rare and unconventional you grip it for dear life. It's also kind of forbidden because it suppose to be temporary but they just fall deeper and deeper for you. the question is do they leave at the end of the trip or do they stay with you, the person they're now irrevocably in love with.
@himbocoups :fake relationship; not only do i remember you saying this is one of you fave tropes (if I'm wrong call me out) but bc of your natural flirty personality, i imagine many falling for you so to stop it once and for all is a fake partner. But not falling for, lets say cheol, a lot harder than you realize bc he's really good at being a fake BF. now you're wishing the fakeness of this all was real.
@multi-kpop-fanfics : FWB to lovers. Zeta is hot so i imagine you getting with someone just as hot and cool with you and not realize it until over spicy times together. Independence is 1st and foremost one of the biggest thing between you and the thought of a relationship happening didn't make that likely. You knew the sexual chemistry was there but realizing there's emotional chemistry, genuine connection, it's scary. But maybe that's exactly what you were unintentionally looking for.
@heartkyeom : Opposites attract; i think about your bias and how he is so much more timid than you in some ways, and you both think there are things you can't do that the other can do, and vice versa. Some people may think you're complete opposites from another but that's ok because you know there's no one else that understands you better than your partner. Your differences are your strengths and what make you both perfect together.
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callmeahopelesscase · 1 year ago
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Thai BL Favourites Tag List Game
thank you @gaylittlepieceofsh1t for tagging me in this <33 (this was really fun to do, even if I overthought it and therefore took two weeks to finish it)
Favourite BL?
I’ll have to go with The Eclipse, no doubt. It’s honestly such a good show and also simply lives rent free in my head. It has such heart and such a caring approach to its story, themes and characters. It makes you genuinely think about the story it's telling and the characters you're following, about the situations they're in and the world and system that built them. + Its actors are doing fantastic work! (both main and side!!!!!)
The show is so worth it and if I could watch it for the first time again I would.
Favourite Pairing?
Right now it’s Kimchay!! (Porchay & Kim from Kinnporsche)
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They’ve had my heart since they first met and they have not given it up yet (nor have they been gentle with it, though). They constantly make me wish we had seen more of them.
The bits we do get of their dynamic make them such a compelling duo, though! They’re fun and sweet and heartbreaking and at times, frustrating. They share a passion that easily connects them and in a way even pose as opposites to each other - with Chay’s openness doing its best to break down Kim’s walls. You could say they both don’t quite get what they expected from meeting each other (bc while Chay meets his idol he also learns that there is much more to Kim, not all of it good & Kim doesn’t really get the  information he was looking for, but he does get his heart stolen) and sure, they don't have it easy considering their different motivations, their fallout and also the influence of the overall plot on them - but they just work together yk!! They’ll figure it out with enough time on their side!!!! (holding myself back from rambling on any more about them bc otherwise this would get waaaay too long)
Favourite (main) Character?
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Akk Pipitphattana (The Eclipse)
Akk is many things - serious and scared being only two of them, perhaps the easiest to pick up on at the beginning of the show. Once you get to know him a bit more - he's genuine and kind of funny, warm-hearted and so determined, loyal to a fault too. First and foremost however, he's someone that's just learning himself - both again and for the very first time over the course of the story and through his interactions with Ayan and the world around him and through the confrontation with his own mistakes and fears. He meets himself and doesnt like what he sees at first - and that's something so so human. 
Akk as a character touched me so much and in a way, it was too easy to understand him. His struggles, fears and doubts. His guilt and shame. His journey over the course of the show is so important to me on just a personal level and he as a person is someone I hold very dear. It's also relevant to mention that First really excels at his role.
(It did halfway kill me to pick a favourite by the way bc I'm really bad at it? But he's who I just keep coming back to.)
Favourite Side Character?
I'm going to have to give multiple answers for this, I just have to.
1. Porchay Kittisawat (Kinnporsche)
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I just love him so much, ok. If I tried to explain all the reasons why we would be here for days & we don't have that kind of time, rn. So summed up? Chay as a character is so warm. He's passionate and compassionate. He cares deeply about the people in his life and he's a little bit no-nonsense - especially in his pursuit of things he wants (music, for Porsche to be safe & happy, Kim) - and appreciates honesty. He's quite smart, even if he can seem naive at first look. He's emotionally intelligent!! He's got a dream and he holds onto the things he wants as much as he can! With an overall rather positive attitude (not to be mistaken for simple  naivety) he's a little bit like sunshine. He's a delight. I want only the best for him!! (he gets his heart broken 😔😐)
2. Manaow (Until we meet again/ Between Us)
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My dearest girl!! She's such a lovely and supportive person!! She's quite funny and also just so genuine. Shy at times but also so bold about other things. I want her to achieve her dreams!! & honestly I would simply love to be her friend. 
Favourite Scene?
I've overthought this so much bc it's just hard to decide, but I will settle on the hospital-hug scene in ep 10 of My School President bc there's just something about it yk. Gun is so relieved to see Tinn, who’s so fondly surprised by it. It makes my heart ache. (consider this gifset of the scene)
(secret second answer: episode 12 pool scene from The Eclipse of Ayan comforting Akk, it's so so important to me)
Favourite Line?
I'm not usually one to remember specific lines but one I do think about often is, as many things on this list, from The Eclipse. 
“Once you say you care about other people's feelings, it means you are disregarding your own.” (Ayan to Akk, episode 6) 
It's something both Akk and I really need to hear, bc as obvious as its message seems - it’s kind of hard to learn from experience. Prioritising other people's feelings has its place and time, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of yourself and getting caught up in attempting to live up to expectations will inevitably hurt you. (somebody should have cradled my face and told me that at 15 tbh but I didn't have an Ayan around, I'm glad Akk does.)
Underrated Actor?
I'm going to honestly say that I don't have good enough of a grasp on what's up to be able to give an opinion on that. Mainly bc I haven't seen that much and also bc I just tend to not involve myself much with actors.
Most anticipated QL?
Easy: 23. 5 Degrees!!! I'm so excited for this!!!!! It just looks so cute?? I’m more or less patiently waiting for this. Just look at them!! I love them already.
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Healthiest relationship in a BL?
Going with Tinngun (My School President) , because from the ones I've seen, they just are. They give each other room and are so genuine and honest about their feelings and what's going on with them and are so so supportive of each other and I really appreciate that. I wish them all the best. 
Most toxic? 
I honestly haven’t seen enough to be able to make a choice for that? so I‘ll have to leave this free. But i'll proably stumble across an answer sometime soon.
Guilty Pleasure?
I don't have one mainly because I've just not seen enough, but I'd like to! because I think it's important to just enjoy things instead of always looking for them to be ‘good’.
_____
tagging @scattered-stardust if you feel like doing this!
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checkers-dance · 1 year ago
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hi bestie ... im having a moment. i miss mx. i want to return to my roots (being insane about them) so ofc i have to go back to making weird aus abt them, thats how it works. so once again im mixing them with another hyperfixation of mine for my amusement, im very normal.
idk how much you know about eah, but it was a sister doll line to monster high that was significantly less successful. the gimmick was to focus on the children of fairy tale creatures instead of monsters. interestingly enough, while mh didnt really have much of a plot outside of the basic premise of "monsters attending high school" eah has a weird amount of lore. the main thing you need to know for most of this to make sense is that the characters are not simply the children of fairy tale creatures, instead they're supposed to become their parents and take their place in their stories, otherwise they will all disappear and essentially die. so the main conflict of the story is "do we follow in our parents footsteps out of fear and social pressure even if it makes us unhappy or do we follow our own desires" ANYWAY I SWEAR I AM ONLY EXPLAINING THIS FOR SOME OF WHAT IM ABT TO SAY TO MAKE SENSE JDNSBDB here is my au.
ch*ngkyun: he is cerise, daughter of little red riding hood. listen. cerise is ch*ngkyuncoded and ch*ngkyun is cerisecoded. she's always portrayed as very withdrawn but not necessarily shy. she's sort of a cool tomboy type. the big plot twist with her is that her father is the wolf, so she's part wolf. which is hilarious but also fits ch*ngkyun. im making him part furry like god intended.
j*oheon: i think he should be lizzie, daughter of the queen of hearts. its so perfect to me. lizzie is really cold and mean, which causes other people to fear her and makes her struggle to connect with people. in reality she only acts like this because she thinks it's what her mother would want her to do. deep down she's really sweet, and just doesn't want people to see past her front.
hy*ngwon: i struggled a little bit with this one but i got it. hes kitty, daughter of the cheshire cat. tbh kitty is exactly what you would expect, she's this trickster type that is always sleeping. i simply think hy*ngwon deserves to cause chaos.
m*nhyuk: he's such an easy choice. he's maddie, daughter of the mad hatter. yes eah character names are STUPID. maddie is also what you would expect, she's hashtag weird and chaotic, but also really empathetic and with a strong sense of justice. she's one of those characters that is happy with her assigned destiny but is willing to give it up if it means others can choose for themselves. i think all of that fits m*nhyuk pretty well.
k*hyun: listen. i have A VISION for him. i want him to be apple, daughter of snow white. so her whole thing is that she's this perfect princess girl who really looks forward to her happy ending and so she tries to push other people into also following their destinies, since she doesn't want them compromising hers. the thing is, despite apple's destiny being perfect on paper, it's canon that she's not romantically interested in the man she's supposed to marry in the future, which has some interesting implications. she's also genuinely nice and caring despite her flaws, and part of what motivates her is that she genuinely believes something bad will happen to them if they don't follow their destinies. and she has this really toxic relationship with her mom bc of all the expectations put on her. so she's MESSY. i think k*hyun deserves to be messy.
sh*wnu: idk why but sh*wnu gives me cedar, daughter of pinocchio vibes. she's very warm and sweet, she's one of those characters that has a lot of empathy for those with less fortunate destinies than she does. her main thing is that she can only say things that are true, so she doesn't have any control over her privacy or others. because of this she likes to paint, since that's a safe way to express herself. again idk WHY she gives me sh*wnu vibes but she does.
and ofc bonus w*nho: he is briar, daughter of sleeping beauty. briar is this extoverted and popular party girl. but she's also weirdly angsty. the main reason she's so outgoing is because she wants to live life to the fullest before being put to sleep 100 years and losing all her friends. i think w*nho deserves to have an existential crisis. briefly considered asigning ashlynn, daughter of cinderella, but i cant do that to him. hes innocent.
OK OK BUT LISTEN, CH*NGKYUN HAS DESCRIBED HIMSELF AS A LONE WOLF BEFORE SO BEING A WOLF FURRY DOES KIND OF FIT. And I can see why u'd associate him w the red riding hood character, Idk how to explain it but he just has the kind of "would wear bright red and get lost in a forest while looking for his grandma" vibe. I'm picturing him wearing one of his love killa outfits (little red riding hood but aged up and growing into a mafia boss career)
I can see j*oheon being a sort of mean girl character, I think he has the acting ability to pull it off. Sometimes in mvs he has this...mean, indifferent face on when he's playing a certain kind of role, and I think that would go rlly well w a pastel princessy aesthetic
HY*NGWON BEING THE CHESHIRE CAT'S CHILD IS SO PERFECT ACTUALLY. I can just imagine him w kitty paws in a purple costume. Also I think he has a cheshire cat smile sometimes. He deserves to cause chaos w j*oheon, they would make such a team. Mean but lonely character x chaotic and slightly evil cat companion
Also I love how we're having such an alice in wonderland theme here 😭😭. I feel like monsta x could do an alice in wonderland concept actually, but like, combined w a bdsm dungeon. Don't ask me how those 2 go together they just do. Anyway I can see m*nhyuk as the mad hatter child, I think he's actually made that comparison himself before. Or he's worn a mad hatter hat before, it's one of those 2
Also I support k*hyun being messy, deserves it. I also can see him in the role of a snow white child, he sometimes has this softcore dignified demeanor and this specific smile that goes w it. I think it would be cute to pair him w m*nhyuk as a treat, there's just smth abt ships that involve characters w opposing views and also w an orderly personality vs a chaotic one
Sh*wnu does kind of have pinocchio vibes 🤔. Like there are all the teddy bear comparisons of course (teddy bears and puppets are both technically dolls), but he also has an honest vibe. Also crying, it's so funny to me that u linked w*nho w someone who goes to sleep for 100 years, which mirrors his exit from the group 😭😭
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notebooknonbinary · 2 years ago
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All the Time in the World Chapter 4 is Out
The Party does their best to navigate their mental health and school
Warning for discussion of mental health, meds, panic attacks, etc.
Fic under the cut for my non-Ao3 friends:)
(if you do have an ao3 please come say hi💕���)
Mike plays a round of musical chairs with the therapists they’ve got on hand. The first one is an older man that immediately makes him think of Brenner. It only takes ten minutes into the session before they both agree it’s not a good fit. Mike has to go hide in the bathroom with his head between his knees until he stops hyperventilating.
He puts off trying again until the following week.
The next doctor is a nice, smiley younger man. His eyes are very bright. Mike doesn’t know why he’s so uncomfortable with the guy, because he’s really kind. But he can’t bring himself to open up at all—he ends up snapping at him and walking out.
The doctor he finally settles on is a middle aged lady with red-brown hair and a face softened by age. Her name is Dr. Jackson. She reminds him, a little bit, of Joyce—kind but unwilling to take bullshit. Maybe that’s why Mike feels so safe with her.
He manages to get through that first getting-to-know-you session with only minor anxiety, which he’s going to count as a win. Now that it’s with a person he feels comfortable actually talking to, it’s a lot easier than he expected it to be. She offers him tidbits about her own life throughout the session—allowing it to feel less like a spotlight’s on him, more like they’re just having a conversation.
Afterwards, he meets up with Will to exchange notes on the encounter. It’s probably not what you’re supposed to—Mike thinks he’s maybe supposed to keep what happens in therapy to himself. But he doesn’t know for sure, and they don’t tell each other too much--so it’s probably fine.
Will tells him that his therapist doesn’t remind him of anyone, which is how Will prefers it.
“I’d rather make new memories with this new person,” he says softly.
Her name is Dr. Hewlett, but Will’s been told he can call her Janet.
Janet specializes in different kinds of trauma therapy, and she’s told Will that he might do well with art therapy.
Will’s obviously pleased that he’ll get to do what he normally does anyway—but later that week he shows up to Mike's house after his first art therapy looking drained. The area around his eyes is red and puffy. And he practically collapses into Mike’s arms the moment they’re hidden away in his room, curling around Mike like a limpet.
“Are you okay? Was it bad?”
Will sighs into Mike’s neck. “Not…bad, just a lot. I thought—I dunno—it’d be easier to be detached from what traumas I was drawing, but I couldn’t do it. The moment I tried, it stopped feeling like drawing and started feeling the way it felt to map out the Upside Down tunnels.”
A spark of fear must make its way through their connection, because Will rushes to elaborate. “This time they were genuinely just a flashback, promise.”
Still, the brief scare makes Mike wrap all his limbs around Will and press kisses to his face. “I’m so sorry you had to feel like that again,” he whispers. Will sniffles and hides his face in Mike’s hair. Mike feels himself tearing up, reacting to his boyfriend’s grief. But between the warm contact and the whispered words of comfort exchanged, they both eventually calm down.
And Will’s next art therapy the following week goes much better than the first. Will still shows up at Mike’s teary-eyed and tired, but this time he looks a lot less harried. And he’s exuding a sort-of calm into their mental link that makes Mike feel pleasantly sleepy. And this is helpful, because Mike’s been stressed out himself.
It’s slightly bad timing that they’ve started therapy the same time that they go back to school. If Mike didn’t have the happy newness of his relationship with Will, he thinks he’d probably spiral. Like he had at the beginning of freshman year.
As it is, he’s still pretty anxious about separating from his friends during school time. Thankfully (?) they’re in the same boat, so he doesn’t have to worry about seeming clingy to them. And also thankfully, at least one Party member is in each of his classes (Max, once she’s out of the hospital, will share three). They’re all grouped together for Study Hall, and have doctor's notes that prevent the teachers from separating them. (Mike is particularly happy about this, as, when they were younger, teachers knew to spread them out—usually because of him. He’s never been great about sitting still or keeping his mouth shut. The only teacher that hadn’t separated them was Mr. Clarke, who seemed to empathize with Mike. As well as having picked the Party as his favorites, obviously.)
Since Hawkins and the towns surrounding it are only now (in October) letting kids go back to school, they’re told that it will likely cut into at least a month of summer. Normally this would bother Mike, as he’s historically loved summer, but, weirdly, he’s missed school. He’s missed the normality of it. And, despite it just starting, Sophomore year is turning out to be infinitely better than Freshman year—it’s not a difficult standard to beat, what with there not being any murders (knock on wood) or anymore Upside Down bullshit. But, Mike thinks it’s so much better because Will is back where he belongs.
With Mike the Party.
(The Byers and El being back in general make daily life in Hawkins more bearable.)
It makes Mike more willing to try hard at school, and—at his mom’s gentle request—join a club. Or, maybe, rejoin a club. He’s still holding out hope that they’ll be able to restart Hellfire. Dustin’s gone to the front office to make their case. In the meantime, though, Mike’s trying to make a mental list of other clubs he’d be willing to try if Hellfire is a no-go, while he waits for the others to join him for lunch.
He knows Will will likely go for art club. But even though he loves his boyfriend, Mike has no drawing ability, so he likely won’t join him. He’s not sure if Lucas is returning to basketball (though based on how Lucas has been avoiding those guys, probably not), but even if Mike’s leg weren’t broken, he’s still got no real standout athletic prowess. So that’s out as well.
He’s beginning to get antsy, sitting at their table alone, by the time Dustin’s slouches into the seat beside him with a grumpy huff. Mike sighs, not the least bit surprised.
“No luck on getting Hellfire back, huh?”
Dustin groans. “Course not. ‘The wound is just too raw, Mr. Henderson. Try again next year.’ Fucking bullshit.” He grumbles and puts his head on the table. “The good news is, last time I talked to Steve, he offered up his house for Hellfire nights. Eddie and Mr. Munson are still there, so…”
“So at least we can still play, even if it’s not ‘school official’.”
“Yeah.”
They sit in silence for a moment.
“Hey, do you know why Steve’s parents are never home?”
Dustin shrugs. “It’s not really my place to talk about it, but safe to say—they make your dad look like Mrs. Byers in comparison.”
By that, Mike knows, Dustin is talking about how his dad is mostly hands off, except to berate his children. The man has a special talent for making everyone feel bad about themselves (except Dustin, who is immune). If Steve’s parents are worse than Ted Wheeler…Mike feels an abrupt surge of sympathy for Steve.
And, knowing if he were in Steve’s place, Mike wouldn’t want a non-friend discussing this, Mike changes the subject. “So we’ll talk to the other club members about what days after school are good for them.”
“We’ll have to work around their shit and all our—” Here Dustin pauses, clearly cognisant of the fact that they’re at school. “—important appointments.”
“It’s gonna be fucking annoying,” Mike grumbles, picking at his chicken sandwich (which had gone cold practically by the time he first sat down). “Owens didn’t even have the decency to make sure we all have them on the same days.”
Dustin snorts and rolls his eyes. “Whatever, we’ll find a way to work it out.”
“In the meantime, my mom is still ‘strongly encouraging’ me to join another club.”
“You too, huh?” Mike’s favorite voice says.
Will plops down beside Mike, El shortly behind her brother. “Mom wants us to be more social,” he tells them. “She doesn’t want what happened in Lenora to happen here.” He’s methodical in unpacking his lunchbox, like always, but Mike’s trying hard not to stare at his hands. There’s a bit of paint left on them from art class—it makes Mike want to lace their hands together, for some reason. He’s barely listening to the brewing half-argument going on.
El huffs at her brother. “It won’t. I have our friends here.” She crosses her arms. “And I could take care of people bullying our friends too.”
Will sighs. “El, you’re my sister, I love you, and—in retrospect—Angela getting clocked in the face with a skate was objectively hilarious and a tiny bit deserved, but you can’t hurt every awful person. Schools are always full of them.”
“I mean, if you wanna make a bully pee their pants again,” Dustin says, but cuts himself off at the look Will levels at him. “Nevermind, I am staying out of the sibling chat.”
“I won't hurt a bully unless they really deserve it,” El concedes, pouting. “If we have another Angela I will simply tell Max and she will ‘verbally—” She pauses to mentally sound out whatever she’s quoting (likely from Max herself). “—'eviscerate’ them.”
Dustin laughs. “I think that’s a fine compromise!”
El beams smugly. “Thank you Dustin.”
Will sighs and leans tiredly into Mike the tiniest bit.
Don’t you just love being the middle child? Mike mentally prods, a little gleefully. Will gives him a kick.
They go back to talking about clubs.
“Will and I are going to join the art club,” El tells them proudly. “I like making things out of clay.”
Will smiles at his sister. “You’ve gotten really good,” he praises. “I can’t wait to see what you make.”
“That’s really cool, El!” Dustin says brightly. “Maybe you could make DnD figurines. Like that kickass painting Will made for Mike!”
Mike chokes on his chocolate pudding. “Maybe not exactly like the painting,” he wheezes out, immediately flustered. Will laughs, patting his back. The warm, pleasant touch raises goosebumps, even through Mike’s shirt. He hopes Will can’t feel them.
“Whatever you decide to make,” Will tells his sister, easily steering the subject away from his painting. “It’ll turn out awesome—bitchin’.”
El beams. “Bitchin’,” she agrees.
“So that’s Will and El settled,” Mike says, once the chocolate pudding is free from his lungs. “I’m shit at art and there’s no AV club here, so I dunno what the rest of us are gonna do.”
You’re not shit at art, Will silently reprimands, gentle.
Tell that to my stick figures, Mike replies dryly.
Dustin’s got a contemplative expression on his face. “I mean, Robin says Mr. Hauser is always looking for people for the theater club.”
Mr. Hauser is their English 10 teacher, and, also according to Robin, the best teacher. He seems pretty okay so far, but Mike’s reserving judgment until he gets to know the man—it'll be hard to beat out Mr. Clarke.
Still, Mike considers Dustin’s suggestion. “I think I remember that you were in the middle school drama club, yeah? Was it fun?”
“I mean, I thought so, yeah.” Dustin sighs. “Even if too many people dropped out to ever do a full show. You wanna give theater a try?”
Mike chews on his lip. “If you will, I will.” He’s not totally certain if he’ll be comfortable performing anything—but if his anxiety wins out, he can do tech stuff.
“Hey,” Will interrupts suddenly, wringing his hands together. “Did Lucas never show up?”
Mike shakes his head. “I’ve been keeping an eye out for you guys since I got here. I haven’t seen him since last period.”
Will gets to his feet. “I’m going to look for him.” And he’s gone before Mike can offer to join.
-
Will finds Lucas sitting outside, watching some other teenagers play a game of pick up basketball. He’s folding and unfolding a creased piece of paper. He doesn’t move when Will sits down beside him. Will gives him the gentlest of nudges.
“What’s wrong, Lucas?”
Lucas sighs and slumps against Will. Will automatically puts an arm around Lucas’s shoulder, giving him what he hopes is a comforting squeeze. The contact makes Lucas’s breath hitch and he turns to hide his face against Will’s arm.
After a moment, he speaks.
“Coach asked me to come back to basketball,” Lucas mumbles against Will’s shoulder. “But I don’t…I don’t really feel safe around those guys anymore. Not after last year. It really sucks, too, because I genuinely like basketball and I’m good at it—it’s just one more thing this whole situation’s ruined.”
Will hugs him, feeling a little helpless. This last year, Will’s seen Lucas sad, legitimately depressed—but that was because of grief. He lost his friend Patrick, and he nearly lost Max. Grief and trauma, Will can relate to and empathize with. But he doesn’t know how to help with this.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. He watches the pickup game for a moment, before his brain sparks with an idea. “What about—I’m probably not great at basketball, but I’d play a couple games with you…if you want, I mean,” he adds shyly. “And I’m sure Steve would love to! And I know I could convince Jonathan.”
Lucas lifts his head to give Will a fond look. “That’d be fun,” he says. He sighs and sits up, looking a little less down. Will takes that as his cue to stop hugging. Lucas sticks the flier he’s been fiddling with in his pocket.
“Unfortunately, Dustin says the DnD club has been banned for this year,” Will says, and begins to catch Lucas up to speed on the Party’s earlier conversation. “You can join me and El at art club, if you’d like—or Mike and Dustin were thinking about joining theater?”
“I’m not any good at art, Will.”
It frustrates Will, a little bit, that neither Lucas or Mike think they’re artistic. “As someone who has watched you create and change your DnD character over the years, that’s not true at all. Maybe you just haven’t found the right medium yet.”
Lucas shrugs noncommittally. “Maybe.”
Will sighs. “Or, I mean, I’ve heard you sing, Lucas. Theater club would be lucky to have you. I know Mike and Dustin would say so too.”
Then he pauses, thinking about the third idea he has—one he’s not even brought up to Mike yet. “The other thought I had was asking Mr. Clarke if he’d be willing to combine the middle school and high school AV club.”
“The high school doesn’t have an AV club, does it?”
“Well, no, but we could start one. And if Mr. Clarke agrees, then maybe we could talk to Erica—”
Lucas snorts. “Good luck convincing her to try something as outwardly nerdy as AV, Will. DnD is the exception to the rule, her words, not mine.”
Will shrugs. “Won’t hurt anything but my pride to ask.”
-
The others agree that it’s a good idea, though Mike clearly shares Lucas’s skepticism on how Erica will react.
“She’s gonna bully us about it,” he predicts, as the five of them make their way over to the middle school at the end of the day.
“Sure, but she won’t mean it,” Dustin shoots back. It’s a little bit funny and sweet, in Will's opinion, that he’d come back from California to find Erica and Dustin as fairly solid friends. She’s integrated herself into the Party nearly seamlessly, though she bickers with Lucas like usual. She’s a good addition, in Will’s opinion.
Mike and Dustin turn out to both be correct. Erica rolls her eyes and sighs (a little bit fondly, Will notes) when she finds them all sitting outside the middle school. “What are you nerds doing loitering around the middle school?” Then she narrows her eyes. “If this is anything like the last time a couple of you showed up—”
Dustin gives Erica a guilty grin. “Will had a cool idea that we wanted to run by you.”
She stares Will down, which he decides to take as an invitation.
“Since the school isn’t going to let us bring back Hellfire—”
Erica interrupts with a frustrated noise. “Of course not. This school is bullshit.”
“Right? Thank you,” Dustin agrees.
Will sighs. “Since Hellfire isn’t an option, I thought maybe we could do the other thing the Party used to do.”
Erica gives a long-suffering sigh. “And I suppose you’re here to recruit me to your nerd electronics club, huh?” When Lucas looks shocked, she smirks. “Yeah dingus, I pay attention.”
“Robin is a bad influence,” he grumbles.
Dustin snickers. “What d’ya say Erica? Wanna come with us while we ask Mr. Clarke about it?”
-
“What a pleasant surprise,” Mr. Clarke says genuinely, beaming at his former students. “I’m glad to see you all safe and sound. What brings you all around to my little corner of the school?”
The boys all immediately crowd around him, speaking over each other in an attempt to catch Mr. Clarke up. It’s nice. It feels a bit like being twelve again; not yet ruined by the Upside Down, just Will, and his friends, and their favorite teacher.
Still, Mr. Clarke was the original Party’s homeroom teacher, but Will’s heard from Dustin that Erica only has him for science. So it’s not a surprise that she’s not as close with him as the boys are. She and El are hanging slightly back from the impromptu reunion. But they’re grinning at the hubbub, so Will doesn’t feel too guilty about it.
Eventually the teacher holds up his hands in placation, laughing.
“Boys, boys,” he says. “I can’t understand you if you’re all talking at once.”
Will and Lucas, as the main masterminds, are elected to lay out the idea for him: the potential creation of a high school AV club and then the combination of it with the middle school one. The moment the idea crosses Lucas’s lips, Mr. Clarke’s face breaks into a beam.
“I think that’s a fantastic idea!”
“Will came up with it,” Lucas says proudly, and Will blushes as the teacher’s approving beam turns towards him.
Mr. Clarke is one of the few teachers that the Party comes close to trusting implicitly, so they’ve agreed to mention that their scheduling conflicts are from therapy. His eyes are sad but unsurprised; he doesn’t try to get them to try and talk about it thankfully. He just moves on, saying that he’ll have to talk to the students in the club before things move forward.
“As of right now, there are two AV club members,” Mr. Clarke explains. “They joined last year, before the…‘Earthquake’.”
The way Mr. Clarke says that, makes Will think that he maybe knows more of what went on the last year than the rest of the town. But, then, there’s a reason they’ve gone to him so many times with questions. He’s too smart.
Dustin is frowning jokingly. “Didn’t take long to replace us, I see,” he sighs.
“No one could ever replace you,” Mr. Clarke laughs fondly. “But they’re good, smart kids. I think you’ll like them. I’ll talk to them about it, as well as the principles. I’m sure they’ll agree that this is a good idea. In the meantime, see if there are any of your classmates that would be interested as well.”
He doesn’t seem to notice Erica’s quiet snort, or Lucas elbowing her.
“Will do!” Dustin chirps. “It was good to see you, Mr. Clarke.”
The Party go their separate ways: Dustin to go to Steve’s to inform them about Hellfire, Lucas and Erica to the clinic (Tuesdays are their therapy days), and Will, El, and Mike to wait for Jonathan to pick them up.
It’s as they’re waiting outside the high school, that Will hears a familiar voice.
“Will!”
The voice is one he heard over the phone more than a few times last year. Will smiles and allows the warm hug that is suddenly brought on him. “Hi Rosie.”
When she pulls back, Rosie is beaming at him. “It's so good to see you! I heard you stuck around after evacuation—I was worried.”
Will’s kept up some manner of contact with Rosie since they danced together at the Snowball. She, rather quickly, caught on that he didn’t want to date, and they became fairly decent friends. It was nice to have a friend that liked art almost as much as he did. And the summer after eighth grade, when his friends were off dating each other, or, in Dustin’s case, away at camp—sometimes Will would go over to Rosie’s house and draw with her. It was a calming activity and made him feel a lot less lonely. She even listened to him talk about his (ill fated) DnD campaign.
When he moved to Lenora, Rosie was one of the people who kept in regular contact with him. They’d talk on the phone every other Sunday afternoon, after she got home from church. Art was the only thing they really had in common, but Will was happy to listen to her ramble about researching laws, and in return she’d listen to him bemoaning the difficulty of working with paints.
Obviously, after the shoot out at his house and everything that had happened after, he couldn’t exactly call her up to check in. And in the fall out of Vecna taking the upper hand, finding out what happened to her hadn’t exactly been priority number one.
He’s glad she’s okay.
“I’m sorry that I worried you,” Will murmurs, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. “There’s a lot that’s been going on.”
“That’s alright!” Rosie says brightly. There’s no hint of accusation in her voice or face, so Will stuffs down the guilty feeling. “We’ll have to find some time to hang out soon, catch up.”
Will nods, though inwardly he’s a bit worried that with all the Party’s planning on doing, he won’t have time for much else. (Especially if he and Mike keep wanting to have date nights). With the likely new addition of AV club…Hold on…
Will has an idea.
“Hey, what are your thoughts on AV?” he asks.
“Like, videotaping and radio?” She hums at Will’s eager nod. “I think it’s neat and useful.”
Will grins. “Great! Me and my other friends are thinking of starting one for the high school. Would you be interested in joining?”
Rosie hums thoughtfully. “I mean, I’m signing up for the debate team if all goes well, but I’d be willing to add another extracurricular!” She beams. “And it will look nice on a college application!”
Will laughs. Her thinking as far ahead as college when she herself is still a freshman isn’t the least bit surprising to him. He’d watched her study for the SATs the summer before she’d gone into eighth grade. She’s got big plans, and it’s interesting (if a bit intimidating) to watch.
“Awesome, I’ll try to catch up with you once everything is set up.”
She nods. “I gotta go before I miss my bus. Also, our phone line isn’t hooked back up yet, but as soon as it is, you’d better give me your number, Will Byers.”
Will laughs. “If only to keep me safe from the wrath of a future lawyer.”
He waves her off, grinning.
When he turns back to his sister and his boyfriend, Will can immediately tell that Mike’s trying not to pout. “Who was that?”
“That’s Rosie—you remember her, right? She’s the friend I made at the Snowball. You have to promise you’ll be nice to her, okay?”
Will has a few vague memories of Mike’s frown whenever Will turned down trips to the pool to go hang out with Rosie instead. His burn scar had still been healing then, and he hadn’t exactly told any of them about it.
He’s not sure they know about it, even now.
She called you Zombie Boy then, Mike mentally grumps.
Will sighs. And early in our friendship, she knew not to call me that. Just like she instantly knew I didn’t want to date her.
This mollifies Mike, at least a little.
-
If Will weren’t a fan of keeping busy, he’d say their schedules are a bit too full. As it is, however, he’s glad to have something to fill up the space in his week. He thinks the Party agrees with him, at least a little.
Once Mr. Clarke has things sorted with administration, the Party’s schedule ends up like this: On Mondays, Dustin and Mike have their therapy appointments—Mike at three, Dustin at four. On Tuesdays, Will and El have art club, and Lucas, Erica, and Max have therapy. Every other Wednesday will be Hellfire at Steve’s, once the rest of the (non-Party) club figure out their own schedules. On Thursdays, Mike, Dustin, and Lucas have theater, and Will and El go to therapy. Every other Friday will be AV club, once everything is finished getting set up.
On a day when Will and El visit Max at the hospital, they talk to her about what her schedule might look like once she’s out.
“Lucas has already talked me into AV, of course,” Max says, more than a little fondly. “But I have an extra class I’ll have to go to on Mondays, after school. Picking up on Braille isn’t going as fast as I want it to.” This last part is said with smarting frustration. She’s clearly mad at herself for it.
“I mean, it is an entire language,” Will says gently. “As smart as you are, no one can learn an entire language over the course of a month.”
She scowls in his direction. “It’s still annoying that I’m having such a hard time at it.”
El hums contemplatively. “I would like to continue learning it. Books aren’t the best teachers. Can I come along to your classes?”
Max fidgets with her blanket, looking a little bit shy. “If you want, it’s probably okay, yeah.”
El beams. “And Lucas too?”
“Obviously. As long as it’s just you two.”
Will hides a smile. He’s more sure than ever that El has a crush on Max, but thankfully she doesn’t seem the least bit jealous of Lucas. Good, he wouldn’t want to be in the middle of that fight.
-
By the end of the month, Mike’s gotten three diagnoses from Dr. Jackson: depression, anxiety, and attention deficit disorder. The first two are far from a shock, but the third only makes sense in retrospect. He thinks about all the times he’d disrupted class when he was younger—never really on purpose, but “a distraction” all the same. And he knows his social skills aren’t the greatest—he doesn’t usually mean to be mean, but sometimes the words that come out of his mouth are a little different than they’d been in his mind.
(It’s not my fault you don’t like girls, rings out in his head, and he cringes.)
Still the definition of what’s been going on inside his brain is a little bit of a relief. At least he knows.
However Mike’s hesitant to go on any medicine. It somehow feels like that would make it more real—that “something is wrong with him”. Dr. Jackson allows him to make the choice.
“What works for one person might be bad for the other,” she tells him calmly. “There’s a lot of factors involved. If you think you’ll be fine on therapy alone, then you don’t have to go on medication.”
Mike grimaces and thinks about the panic attack he had at lunch (too many people too many and too close, and he lost sight of the Party for a brief moment). “Maybe something for the anxiety,” he murmurs, curling and uncurling his hands around the rolled up magazine in his hands (a ‘safer’ replacement for his typical hand wringing and nail biting).
“We can absolutely look into that,” Dr. Jackson says kindly. “I’ll talk to our psychiatrist tomorrow morning and see what we can do for you.”
Mike gives her a tiny smile. Even if he’s on the fence about medicine, he’s warming up therapy. Maybe he can allow himself to be talked around to the other stuff too.
Mike talks to Will about it that evening.
(He’s convinced his mom to let Will stay over, even though it’s a school night; under the guise that they’ll work on homework—If cuddling were a subject, he thinks nonsensically, he and Will would pass with flying colors.)
“What do you think?” Mike asks, feeling shy. He doesn’t think Will is going to judge him, but… “Do you think I’m bad enough that I need medication?”
And there is the crux of the matter. Mike still has trouble understanding why he’s taken everything so hard, when, in his opinion, everyone else has had it much worse than him.
When he mentally relays as much to his boyfriend, Will’s eyes go big and sad, and he cuddles closer to Mike. “Hey, this is not the trauma olympics. You’ve been through some horrible things that I wouldn’t wish on Troy Walsh, let alone you.”
Mike’s laugh is wet with tears. “I mean…”
Will snorts. Then they fall silent, still cuddling.
“I've been on medication since the end of my possession,” he says finally, a little quiet. “Anxiety, antidepressant, and an anti-seizure medicine. Though Janet is thinking about switching one or two out. It helped me, so…”
Mike already knew about his PTSD, and the depression and anxiety make a painful amount sense, but the revelation that Will is on anti-seizure medicine comes as a bit of a shock.
In retrospect, it shouldn’t.
One of Will’s doctors saying “he’s seizing” had intermingled in with the rest of his nightmares in the months after they’d first fought the Mind Flayer. In his thirteen year old brain, however, he’d assumed the two seizures Will had had were anomalies. And eventually that specific nightmare had faded into the background with everything else going on.
Mike kind of wants to go back in time and beat up his younger self. When he relays that thought to Will, his boyfriend flicks his nose. “Stop being mean to yourself. Like I said, you were going through shit too.”
Mike grumbles and hides his face against Will’s neck. “So you think the anxiety medicine is a good idea?”
“I think if you’re comfortable with it, yes.”
So, at Mike’s next appointment, he agrees to start. Dr. Jackson’s colleague (an older man named Dr. Day) sets Mike on a low dose of something called Paroxetine.
“That’s the same anxiety medicine I’m on,” Will tells Mike the next morning. They’re sitting at a picnic table outside the school, waiting for Dustin and Lucas. El has gone to put her bag away.
“And it works?” Mike took his first dose after breakfast, so he’s been slightly nervous to see if there are side effects.
Will nods. “Mmhmm. I switched to it right before we moved to California.”
“It made you sleep a lot the first few weeks,” El says, sitting down beside Will.
Will shrugs. “I adjusted.”
“Maybe I should take it at night,” Mike hums. “I don’t exactly sleep well, so if it’s gonna make me tired anyway…”
“It might not be as effective that way,” Will cautions immediately. “Especially since you’re on a low dose.”
Mike shrugs and decides to wait it out for a while. It’s not even been a day yet, after all.
In the end he chooses to keep taking it in the morning. He’s more likely to remember to take it then, anyway. The stress and exhaustion he feels by the end of the day would make that obligation hard to remember.
And, the Party’s agreed to try and keep each other safe and accountable--they can remind each other. Half of them are on some form of medication now (whether for physical or mental things), and it’s easy to forget to take them.
It’s not just the medicine, however. Sometimes one or more of them stop feeling safe in a setting where it’s hard (socially and/or educationally) to escape to calm down.
As they tend to do, the Party comes up with an appropriately nerdy (great) solution.
Lucas is the one to come up with itt. After that first time he didn’t show up to lunch, worrying the rest of his friends, they all know better than to go off somewhere without telling at least one of the others where they’re going.
He and Will are the ones who have kept up with Morse code the most since learning it in fifth grade—it had been what saved their lives when Will was possessed. It’s useful in a less dire situation now. Once the others have had a refresher course, it’s fairly simple to tap out a short explanation against one of the other’s arms, or against their desk.
Mike is the first one to have to put it into action. It’s nearing the end of the day, and it’s not exactly been a good one. He flubbed a project he had to present in History, his food had tasted off at lunch (so he hadn’t eaten), and now in the last class of the day (math, which Mike only like in context of DnD), he’s put in a group of four to work on classwork. Everyone is talking too loud, and the lights are too bright and he’s queasy from being hungry and he doesn’t want to do geometry right now, especially not with fucking James Dante.
(James hasn’t bullied any of them since Troy moved away, but he’s not exactly apologized for being a douchebag either.)
So Mike’s very close to just walking out of class. He catches Dustin’s eye (thankfully across from him) who gives him a sympathetic grimace.
Trying hard to breath through uncooperative lungs, Mike taps at the table with his pen:
.-.. …-, LV - Leave.
……., error.
Since tapping out ‘overwhelmed’ or ‘too much’ would be a lot of tapping, the Party had decided on ‘error’ as the signal that they were overwhelmed.
(SOS, they agreed, would only be used if they needed actual, go get an adult, kind of help.)
Dustin fakes like he’s leaning against his hand while he nods, tapping his pencil in return.
…-., Understood.
Then he raises his hand. “Mrs. Sawkchuck, I forgot that Mike and I need to go help Mr. Clarke with some paperwork for AV. Is it okay if we leave a little early?”
She stares him down for a long moment, lips pursed. But most teachers like Dustin well enough, so Mike’s not surprised when she eventually nods.
“I’ll write you two a hall pass, but I expect those worksheets done before the next time I see you.”
Mike manages a half convincing nod and follows Dustin out of the room.
Then he blinks and realizes he’s suddenly sitting in the AV club with Dustin’s jacket over his head. He reaches up to touch it. “Mm?”
The warm presence next to him sighs in relief. “You said the lights were too bright.”
Mike’s eyes prickle in shame and gratitude. “Thank you Dustin.”
Dustin shrugs. “You’d do the same for me. We gotta look out for each other, right?”
Mike nods. Then he slouches against his knees a little. “How long have we been in here?”
“Like ten minutes. School just ended. I walkied Will.”
Mike’s face burns. “Was I asking for him?”
Dustin’s smile is gentle. “Yeah, but I don’t blame you. His presence is a lot more calming than mine.”
“Shut up, you literally just calmed me out of a panic attack.”
He hopes Dustin hadn’t worried Will. I’m okay, he reaches out. Immediately he feels Will’s relief. Got overwhelmed, but Dustin helped.
Warm affection. He’s good at that.
So, yeah, they all help each other.
And because Mike sometimes needs the extra reminder, Will’s taped a cute little note by Mike’s nightstand where it’s easy to see in the morning. It’s got a small version of Will smiling up at him and a speech bubble:
“Take your pills, Mike.”
It makes his chest warm whenever he looks at it. And it does its assigned job of making sure he takes his medicine.
-
Max is being released from the hospital at the end of the week. She tells them she won’t be able to go back to school until the week after that, because the extra teacher she’ll need for teaching her braille full-time is driving down from Indianapolis.
“It took a lot of arguing with my mom to not send me to Indianapolis,” she says. “There's a school for blind people there, but I’d rather stick around here.” She squeezes Lucas’s hand.
In the meantime, she’s driving her mother and her physical therapist crazy by attempting wheelies in her new chair. There are a few other kids in the hospital and she’s taken to racing some of them—much to the doctors’ dismay. “Sometimes I even let them win.”
They’re settling into some kind of new normal.
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wishi-selfships · 2 years ago
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Hii I’d love to hear more about the nayuta plot point!!! I genuinely love ur self inserts lore 😭 I’m someone who also has plot points and very like detailed lore for my own s/i and I’m v interested in others’ as well :P
HAII AGAIN ANON ^^!!!!! WHEHE IM HAPPY U LIKE HER LORE !!! Even tho I have . Not really told much about it (because she has even MORE but I'm working on writing it all out coherently)
SO!! That Nayuta plot point :3c Well usually/canonically, since Gabi was in part 1 and stayed w// Denji at the end of Part 1, she met Nayuta w// Denji, so she and Nayuta bond ☆
In this case, then, Nayuta sees Gabi as like an older sister!!! But like that sort of older sister who's really more like a mom than anything (which also means she's fine w/ Gabi being affectionate with Denji :3c EVEN THO SOMETIMES SHE GETS JEALOUS OF DENJI [she wants Gabi hugs too >:/])
But in the case of Gabi only being present in part two (in that sort of AU), its.. a little more tricky. Because Nayuta is very protective and possessive over Denji so normally I feel like she wouldn't be cool with GabiDen :< So the only thing I could think of was giving Gabi and Nayuta a previous sort of connection, but how was I supposed to do that ??
Sooo I kindaaa,,, took some liberty with this AU and changed some things about the timing of Nayuta appearing on earth / where she appeared.
So for this AU, I wanna say the time between when Nayuta reincarnated on earth and when she was brought to Denji was maybe 4-5 months? Where she reincarnated sometime in April and Kishibe brought her to Denji in August/September. And instead of showing up in China, she shows up in America. I remember mentioning the whole thing with Gabi going back to America for a sort of "spin-off" (which isn't really a spin off but again that's a whole other can of worms) in the normal canon, but Part 2 Only!Gabi does that too. Difference is that because she's not involved in the part 1 plot, she does that a little earlier.
Which!!! Gives her the opportunity!!! To run into Nayuta during her time in America. She just runs into this homeless looking child and goes ○□○! And she takes her in!! Because why wouldn't she? And during the time they spend together in America, Nayuta gets a taste of love !!! Real familial love!!! The type that makes her feel all warm and safe and it makes her feel all at home when she's with Gabi.
Shenanigans ensue, and eventually Kishibe finds out that Nayuta is in America and is with Gabi, contacts her thru Yoshida (pretty sure I mentioned she and Yoshida are friends??), and takes Nayuta off Gabi's hands. Obviously it's a little more complicated because Gabi doesn't wanna give Nayuta up but she's eventually convinced. Mostly because Gabi's little adventure in America is starting to get kinda dangerous and she doesn't wanna put Nayuta in any danger.
But before Nayuta is taken to Japan Gabi promises her that they'll meet again!! And that she loves Nayuta and that she only wants what's best for her •×• Gives her a lil gift too but I haven't figured out what it was 💭
SO FAST FORWARD A LIL WHILE !!! Asa/Denji/Gabi "hangout" at Denji's place, that whole thing plays out and Yoru smooches Denji, Nayuta comes and does her little thing ☆ And she's about to shoot the chain thing through Gabi's head as well (cause she was nearby lmao) until she pauses and like. Takes a better look at her.
"... Gabi •^•?"
"...NAYUTA Ó□Ò💧!?!?"
And just like that Gabi gets a free pass from being turned into a dog. Well OBVIOSULY yk there's like... Some sort of explanation from Gabi (to Denji who is so confused because how does the cute girl from school know his little sister figure?) - and it definitely helps that Gabi wasn't the one to actually kiss Denji - but in the end Gabi sort of gets spared from that fate =×= although Nayuta gets like. Really super clingy and tells Gabi she can't leave but. That gets resolved and Gabi gets to leave.
Although even if Nayuta did do that funny little chain thing, it wouldn't actually work because of Gabi's "contract" she made with Wishi, which sort of makes her immune to mental devil attacks? Like she can totally be attacked physically but mental attacks just kinda bounce off. But do they know this? No !!! Not really !!!
... am I making sense? I feel like I've just been rambling all silly like 😵‍💫 BUT IM J REALLY PASSIONATE AND ALSO NOT GOOD AT EXPLAINING!... But I'm happy you like her lore anon 🫶🏽 Yk if you ever wanna share your inserts lore, well,,, I think I'd be really interested :0!!!
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weareyour4 · 1 year ago
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Merry Christmas! Please don’t give me stuff - BonnyBirb
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December is around the corner again, and with it the awkward, very British conversations beginning “right… what are we going to do?” I think it’s almost impossible in this country to go the entire festive season without being at least a little enchanted by the festivities, the décor, even the seasonal drinks at your preferred coffee shop chain. Although a lot of it rests and sleeps, nature can also be magical during the winter; in recent weeks, snowdrops and robins have greeted me on my travels, and this year I have two friends who are hoping for snow – it’s their first December in the UK.
Of course, Christmas also means gifting, and something that’s always bothered me is the deluge of Stuff the average person is given each Christmas. When I say Stuff (with a capital S), I’m not referring to genuinely heartfelt, thoughtful keepsakes, or a bar of your favourite chocolate. I’m talking about mass-produced, tacky objects that have probably been made by people under dubious working conditions, and that will likely fall apart in a matter of weeks. Everyone reading this can probably think of their own personal example – which just shows the scale of the issue. We find this Stuff most often in supermarkets and pound shops. Like the groceries that surround it, it’s a cheap consumable. But unlike apples and porridge, I don’t consider it particularly healthy.
The majority of British people have grown up ‘doing’ Christmas, in a more or less secular way, and the gifting element is part of it; it’s commonly seen as something everyone ‘must’ do. This isn’t a phenomenon exclusive to Christmas – my recent time in Malaysia led me to learn about the family politics associated with angbaos at Chinese New Year – but the British neurosis about keeping up appearances, mixed with a hearty dollop of American consumer culture, has made gifting reflexive. Do it now! More! Bigger! Faster!
Often the result is that overworked, underpaid, tired people feel pressured to grab this aforementioned Stuff off a shelf (where it is usually encased in unnecessary plastic packaging) and toss it at relatives whom, when they think about it, they don’t really know. In the majority of cases there won’t be any bad intentions behind this, but nevertheless, it doesn’t feel quite right. There’s an environmental aspect to this; the impact of tons of unwanted, discarded plastic and polyester can often be seen by literally just walking along the street. But what draws my attention most is below the surface. Whatever your relationship, exchange of capital-S Stuff is a poor substitute for human connection. Novelty socks can’t share a laugh and an anecdote. A light-up keyring can’t help heal old wounds.
I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that I would much rather spend quality time with my relatives, getting to know them as individual humans, making fond memories, than receive a generic piece of tat and wonder when would be a safe time to take it to the charity shop. It’s a less tangible gift, yes – but that’s the point. There is a long way to go when it comes to fixing British society in all its facets, but I believe we can absolutely make a good start with this notion of intentional gifting. I’m not calling for Scroogeism, but for more conscious consumption, consideration, and a shift in our current norms towards gifts that will last.
I fully intend for myself and those I love to have a warm, bright festive season. But please, don’t give me Stuff.
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babyboibucky · 4 years ago
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Salt, Sugar and Viruses
Pairing: Office!Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: You’ve been secretly making coffee for Bucky at the office.
Word Count: 1,962
Warnings: Two idiots just doing idiot things
A/N: This was done in a haste so I kinda hate it lol but I can’t get this story out of my head and thanks to @bitchassbucky for pushing me to write a full fic of this 🥰 luv u 🥺
MAIN MASTERLIST
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"You have a crush on Barnes' grumpy ass?!" Sam choked out.
You angrily hushed him and frantically looked around the pantry to make sure that your secret was still safe. Fortunately, only you, Sam and Nat were inside having your respective afternoon breaks.
"What? He's nice. And cute." you told Sam as you stirred your coffee, smiling to yourself at the thought of your office crush, Bucky.
"How'd you even meet him, he works all the way at the IT department." Sam asked.
Nat snorted recalling the encounters she witnessed for the past few months. Some of which were unintentional but most of them? You had carefully planned out just so you could come up with an excuse to request for Bucky's assistance.
"She might have gotten viruses in her computer once...or twice. Or thrice." Nat teased.
The first time you met Bucky was when most of your files suddenly got corrupted. It was hella embarrassing because you didn't know shit about how computers worked and well, you've been illegally downloading torrents since the office's internet connection was a gift from the internet gods. Without a doubt, your computer was a nest for viruses.
Bucky showed up in your floor that morning and you almost sunk into your seat from shame. You'd heard the IT Department complain about everybody else in the office messing up their computer systems. When you turned around, Bucky greeted you with a charming smile and soft hello. You could still remember how he felt when he stayed behind you as you sat on your chair, bending over to take your mouse in his hand.
God, he smelled so good you almost turned your head to nuzzle your face into his neck.
He was very soft-spoken you realized; Bucky was kind enough to walk you through the process and to be honest, you couldn't recall a damn thing he said. Something about firewalls? And shields? Whatever, you didn't really listen. You just stared at Bucky as he explained everything, solving your problem in less than fifteen minutes.
Since then, your crush for Bucky grew bigger. You'd entered the elevator together a couple of times, shared small conversations that made your heart flutter. When those little moments didn't seem enough, you started your devious plan to fuck up your computer a bit. By the third time Bucky fixed your computer, he was already comfortable enough to tease you for being a "virus magnet".
"Hello? Young lady, come back to earth." Sam snapped his finger right in front of your face, interrupting your thoughts.
You clicked your tongue at him and swatted his hand away. "If you ever tell this to anyone, Wilson. You are dead." you warned, poinitng a finger at him.
Sam rolled his eyes, "It's so unfair how he's kind to you. Last time I requested for his assistance he got all smug and grumpy at me." he complained.
Nat shook her head in amusment, "That's because you've been downloading porn. You know the IT department can access our browser histories, right?"
You choked on your coffe, "WHAT?!"
Nat narrowed her eyes at you, "You been up to no good for you to react like that?"
You faceplamed, "I've been stalking his Facebook account."
Sam chortled, "What are you, in high school? Jesus, calm down. You're gonna be fine. Why don't you just tell him you like him?"
You made a face, "I'm not Nat to have the guts to do that."
Nat hummed, bringing her mug to the sink to wash it. "Why don't you start by making him coffee?"
"I don't know how he likes his coffee."
You received a pointed look from both your friends. You groaned in defeat, "Okay, fine. I know how Bucky likes his coffee."
Nat smirked, "Stalker."
-
Bucky always arrived in the office half an hour before nine in the morning. This gives him time to settle into his cubicle, buy a sandwich at the stall downstairs and to make himself a cup of coffee. It was his daily routine and upon going back to his desk after buying his breakfast sandwich, Bucky was surprised to see a cup of newly brewed coffee on his desk.
He looked around but there were no signs of anyone. There wasn't even a note of some sort. Carefully, he brought the cup to his face and inhaled its scent. Shrugging, he took a tiny sip.
-
"How's the little secret admirer doing?" Nat asked, grabbing a chair and sitting down beside you.
You deadpanned, "I've been leaving him his coffee for an entire week now and nothing's happened yet."
Nat frowned, "Are you kidding me? Why would you expect for something to happen when you haven't been leaving any clues?" she said.
"I'm shy, okay?! Maybe I should hide somewhere, check for his reaction. See whether I have a chance." you shrugged.
It was stupid of you to leave the coffee on Bucky's desk. You never stayed to wait for him. You just left it there without a note or anything that would even give him a clue about you and your little crush on him. You knew the reason why, of course. You were afraid of rejection. Sometimes, you'd feel like you have a chance with him since he was always so kind and warm to you. Not to mention, everyone in the office knows him to be grumpy but around you, he was totally the opposite of that.
But then again, maybe he was just nice to you because you were nice to him too.
-
One morning after leaving Bucky his coffee, you finally decided to leave him a note. You ran back to your cubicle to get a post-it and a pen. Before you could even walk around your desk, you spotted Bucky headed over to the pantry, the cup of coffee in his hand.
"Fuck, okay. Maybe I should just directly ask him out?" you thought to yourself.
You quickly followed Bucky into the pantry and almost whined when you saw that Sam was inside as well. You widened your eyes at him, signalling for him to leave but Sam was preoccupied on observing Bucky who seemed to be in a bad mood.
"Rough morning?" Sam just had to ask as you awkwardly stood by the doorway, finding the right timing to butt in.
Bucky's forehead creased as he let out a huff, "Rough weeks, actually." he answered.
You opened your mouth to say something comforting, wanting to lift Bucky's spirits up but he turned around and glanced at you and then back to Sam.
"Does anyone hate me in this office?" Bucky asked.
You and Sam exchanged looks, both of utter confusion before shaking your heads in unison. "Why'd you ask?" Sam asked.
Bucky lifted the cup of coffee that you made, "Someone's been making me coffee." he stated.
You cleared your throat, "...is it bad?" you asked.
Bucky made a face, "Terrible actually."
Ouch.
"I mean, the first time I saw it I was actually flattered. And then I took a sip and it's just...salty." Bucky said, pouring the coffee into the sink before throwing it into the bin.
Sam's head snapped towards your direction, his face almost red from biting back a laugh. Your face heated up at the realization that you've been putting salt into Bucky's coffee instead of sugar. All this time. You wanted to disappear right then and there. And Sam had to be the one to witness your huge failure.
"I thought it was a mistake since the next day, there was another coffee on my desk. I tried it out and it's still salty. It lasted a week, you guys. And I was dumb enough to keep on tasting it in hopes that it might have been a genuine mistake. But now I'm starting to think that someone hates me that much to fuck my coffee up." Bucky explained, face scrunched up into a mixture of irritation and curiosity.
Sam failed to stifle his laughter and exploded, "Funniest shit I've ever heard." he told Bucky before standing up and making his way to the door where you stood.
Your face was red and if the salt and sugar mishap was already humiliating enough, Sam decided to make things even worse for you.
"You really need to check the labels before pouring shit into his coffee." and with that, Sam gave your shoulder a squeeze before leaving the pantry.
Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself. When you opened them, Bucky was staring at you with an expression you couldn't paint.
"Did you...were you the one leaving me coffee?" he asked.
You secretly pinched yourself in the arm to check whether you were just dreaming. Fuck, you hoped you were having a nightmare but the pain that you felt made it clear that you totally fucked up.
You nodded in embarrassment.
"You hate me that much?" Bucky asked in disbelief, as if he was offended that out of all people, it had to be you.
You quickly shook your head, "No, God no! I just...it's because I..." you stammered, trying to find the courage to spit out the words you've been dying to tell Bucky.
Bucky tilted his head, "Because you...?" he urged.
Your hands balled into fists as you let out another deep breath. Bucky probably hates you right now, but whatever. This was your only chance and to hell, you were going to confess.
"Because I like you?"
You didn't think that Bucky's confused look could even turn more...well, confused. But he was looking at you incredulously as though you've grown a second head, or a third head.
"You like me so you decided to put salt in my coffee?" he asked again.
You honestly didn't know who sounded even more stupid now, you or Bucky. Because if he still didn't understand what was going on, he was dense as fuck.
"No!" you explained. "I wanted to make you a decent cup of coffee but I guess I was too careless and didn't realize that I've been putting in salt instead of sugar." you said.
Bucky didn't say anything after that. He just stared at you, but he didn't seem confused anymore. If any, he looked like he was processing the entire situation.
"You like me." he stated again.
Will your embarrassment ever end?!
"Yes, Bucky. And I messed up my chance and you know what? I'm just going to show myself out and leave you alone." you told him and forced a fake grin before attempting to walk out.
A hand gripped your wrist, pulling you back into the pantry. This time, Bucky was the one who looked embarrassed.
"I might have...done something pretty stupid too." he said, avoiding your gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck.
You eyed him suspiciously, "What do you mean?"
"I uhh...I did something to your computer...the day before you requested for my assistance for the first time." Bucky admitted shyly.
It was your turn to get muddled at Bucky's confession. "But why?" you asked.
Bucky offered a shy smile, "Because I've been seeing you around the building and thought you were cute."
And then everything clicked. It was a light bulb moment for the both of you.
"Oh. Ohhh okay. I see." you said before suddenly breaking into laughter.
Bucky joined you and scratched his head, "I guess we're both idiots." he said, placing his hands inside his pockets as he stared at you.
"This went...way more interesting than I thought." you said with a nod.
There was a pause before you decided to speak up, "So, do you want coffee?"
Bucky beamed at you as he nodded, "As long as you'll use sugar this time."
-
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merakiui · 3 years ago
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What do you think of the concept of yan!xiao, childe venti trapping their darling in a teapot?
I feel like they would be less restrictive since the darling wouldn't necessarily be able to escape most likely, so they wouldn't worry about restraint much. Esp in Ventis case...he is the God of freedom so while his darling isn't exactly 'free' they're still kinda free in a way that they have their own world to be free in?
Xiao would probably be somewhat restricted, but only just keep them in the house because he probably wouldn't trust them to be by themselves yet--he figures they may try to run off and hide from him or something
Childe would probably let them try to "escape" on purpose and would be absolutely amused when his darling finds out they wouldn't be able to leave
(cw: yandere, captivity, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, mention of children and implied stockholm syndrome for childe’s part)
Venti doesn't exactly lie to you, but he does trick you. He's aware that it's not the nicest thing to do and that it's not exactly captivity if you're living in a world that resembles the one outside. Only this pocket-sized world is nicer and happier and there aren't any people to get in the way. He tells you about it when you're vulnerable. Maybe you're drunk or you're crying your eyes out because something horrible happened. Either way, you're not in the right state of mind when you make the comment: "I wish I could live in my own ideal world for just one day." And this is great news for Venti because it makes relocation so much easier.
He shows you the teapot and explains it briefly, leaving out certain details. It's better if you don't know everything about how the teapot works. After all, ignorance is bliss. Venti tells you how to get in, but he doesn't tell you how to get out. And the way he describes it makes it sound so tempting—as if living inside this teapot for a bit will cure whatever's bothering you. You decide it wouldn't hurt to spend a day or two inside the teapot to see the little world Venti holds in the palms of his hands.
It's a lot of fun at first. You and Venti glide from the top of the mountains in Emerald Peak, he sings melodious ballads as you look up at the sky, and the two of you play hide-and-seek inside of the house, playfully popping out of rooms and laughing when you’re caught. Eventually the charm wears off and you start to yearn for the outside world. It’s not the same in the teapot. As pretty and peaceful as it may be, it still feels so empty. And when you bring it up to Venti he finds small ways to change the subject. It probably plays out like this:
“Venti, I’d like to go home now.”
“But we were just about to play another round of hide-and-seek! Come on! Don’t be a spoilsport! One more round? Then we’ll leave.”
Or he’ll tell you that you’re already home. There’s always a big smile on his face when he says stuff like that. He’s happy that he gets to spend so much time with you and no one can interfere. But it does get annoying when you start to beg for the old world. Your pleas to leave will fall upon his deaf ears. Venti does feel a little bad when you start to sulk, but his sympathy is short-lived. Let’s not forget that you were the one who wanted this. You wanted to live in your ‘ideal world.’ And isn’t this ideal?
As an adeptus, Xiao is aware of Sub-Space Creation and the effort it takes to construct a presentable teapot. He’s been working hard on his ever since you came into his life. Before he knew you he didn’t have a reason to put effort into it because he stays at Wangshu Inn, but after he met you he started working a lot harder. He tries to make the teapot as comfortable as possible. You mentioned you like dogs or cats in passing? You can find a few in the teapot. You said you like berry bushes and flower fields? There’s a bunch in his teapot. He probably has a nearly perfect model of your room in there as well. Before he brings you into the teapot, he’ll often sit in that room and make sure everything replicates the original, down to the bed frame and the fabric used for the pillow case.
He’ll put some of your things in it just so it feels more personal. Xiao knows he’s stealing from you whenever he does this, but it’s not like you ever noticed anything was missing. Besides, it’s all going in the teapot anyways. You won’t even need your real room or mortal possessions anymore. Xiao is actually quite proud of the teapot and manages to fool himself into thinking you’ll like it, too. And you do (for the first few days, that is). He’s very forward with his question of whether or not you’d like to see his teapot. And you eagerly nod because the two of you are friends and Xiao wants to show you something he made and he looks a little…excited? There’s definitely light in his eyes when he gets your agreement to view the inside of his teapot.
Once you’re inside, you’re genuinely surprised. It’s far more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. The Floating Abode is a really gorgeous landscape. You’re so caught up in looking at the sunset and the flowers and the animals that roam the teapot that you aren’t aware of the horrors that lie just beyond. You’ll find the room that resembles yours in no time and it’s really creepy. As much as you try to tell yourself that Xiao means well and wouldn’t actually do something like this on purpose, it’s hard to ignore the fact that everything is practically identical to your room. It’s so, so strange. You want to ignore it, but you just can’t. It’s so obvious.
It’s definitely creepy, but you don’t have the heart to tell him.
You hold your tongue because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. You’re really the only close friend he has, so you’d feel bad if you insulted his interior decorating skills. Xiao’s pleased to hear that you like it so much. Praise falls from your lips like a waterfall and it gives him a sense of relief. He’s so happy that you like it and since you’re okay with it it’ll be fine if you live here. When he tells you that, your brain freezes and you’re not sure how to respond.
“Live here? Like…permanently?”
And to your shock he nods.
Xiao is far less lenient than Venti. With Venti everything feels like eternal, childish fun with the idea of freedom sprinkled in. But with Xiao it’s definitely a harsher form of captivity. You aren’t allowed outside because he’s worried you might fall off of the bridges that connect the floating islands or you might try to find your way out of the teapot. So you’re confined to the mansion. It’s got everything you could ever need and the interior design matches that of your home perfectly. Just treat it like it’s your own home and it won’t be so bad. You definitely try to see the good in this situation because you care about Xiao, but it’s so hard when he’s keeping you here like you’re just another addition to his teapot.
It’s miserable, but at least you can count on him to visit you every single day.
Childe is very receptive to the idea of owning his own little world in a small teapot. Maybe he was holding you captive before he came upon the teapot and while you’re sleeping he relocates you. You don’t expect to wake up in a new location, but you assume you’re still somewhere in Liyue. Childe finds it cute that you’re so startled, clearly confused with the change in scenery. And when you glance at the surroundings on the Cool Isle, it feels like you might have a chance. Childe seems to think so because he waves you off, telling you with the sincerest voice that you’re ‘free to go.’
You don’t need to be told twice and so you run because you’re invigorated. You can leave and he’s not coming after you. Childe doesn’t even raise his bow in warning. You’re actually leaving him and he’s letting you! But it feels too good to be true. A day passes and you learn that there’s no one else to help you. So you find an empty shack on the shoreline and you hide in it because survival is the only thing you know right now. And the day goes by, the night comes, and morning makes its arrival. You’re still safe. He hasn’t found you.
And it really feels like you can make it out of this. Even if there’s no one around, you can still find something to help you. You’d take anything at this point. By the end of the week, you’re losing sight of your goal and you really just want to head back to the mansion and nap on a comfortable bed. You’ve been catching the crabs and the fish and doing what you can to start a long-lasting fire. When Childe finds you, you’re so exhausted from running and hiding that you collapse into his arms. And he smiles so sweetly while he tells you something that shatters your entire world.
“You did well, comrade, but this isn’t Liyue. You have no need to run.”
It’s not even Teyvat. It’s another world entirely—one existing solely within a teapot. And everything comes crashing down when you realize just how impossible that makes any escape attempts. No human contact. No energy or life that comes from meeting with friends and seeing family. It truly does feel like you and he are the only people in this world.
Childe knows that you’ll adjust to this new world whether you like it or not. It was fun to toy with you in the beginning (and it still is) when you didn’t realize this was the world inside the teapot. But now he just wants to settle into a comfortable life. He takes every chance he has to visit you and eventually you’ll find yourself succumbing to the relaxing pleasures of domestic life. You learn how to cook delicious meals with Childe’s help, you collect seashells on the shore to cure your boredom, and you’ll take care of any chores or housework. It warms Childe’s heart to see you accepting this life.
Maybe the two of you can start a family. Maybe he should get a few pets to liven up the house. It’s not like you can get away from him while inside the teapot, so it’s a recipe for anything to happen. And you’ve come to learn that what happens in the teapot stays in the teapot.
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petersnya · 4 years ago
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SOMETIMES PT.2
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---NOT MY PIC--- PETER PARKER X FEM!READER
Warnings: SMUT, Fluff, Angst?? Idk lol
Word count:2145
COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THE STORY AND WANT ME TO CONTINUE! SHOULD I START WRITING FROM PETER OR Y/N’S POV?
[A/N]Heyyy! Soooo this is part of this series (I’ll link part one). Hope you guys enjoy it! PLEASE COMMENT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK AND IF YOU WANT YOU CAN SEND ME MESSAGES AND ASK QUESTIONS I'LL ANSWER LOL. Anyway, I had fun writing this chapter so I hope you like it! -J.T.S xxx
PART ONE
During physics class, Peter was working on an upcoming project with Ned, but he spent most of his time sleeping. He was basically sleep deprived from patrolling the town and stopping crimes.
“Late night huh Pete?” Ned asked, nudging Peter's arm that was supporting his head in the palms of his hands as his eyes got heavy, starting to close. 
“Yeah, had to stop some petty theft last night,” he began, a yawn interrupting him, “took longer than I thought.” 
The bell rang, dismissing the students to their after-school activities, if you had none you would just go home. Peter and Ned gathered their things and headed to the school’s front doors- MJ catching up with them how she usually did. 
“Man, you look terrible,” MJ said with a slight chuckle. 
“Wow, thanks. You're such a great friend.” Peter retorted sarcastically. Ned wasn’t riding the bus home today, he had to go with his mom for something he refused to share with anyone but Peter; so Peter just decided to ask MJ to walk home with her. 
“Sorry Parker, Y/N is picking me up today. You’re welcome to ride with us if you want though.” 
Peter didn’t respond for a while, debating if it was worth the anxiety attack of being around her. Y/N was the only thing that was on his mind now. His attraction grew even more when she wore those glasses. He zoned out for a while till MJ snapped her fingers in front of his face. Blinking rapidly, his vision focused on MJ who was now reaching out to grab the handle of a car door. Y/N’s car. His breath hitched in his throat once he saw Y/N wearing those same glasses from last Friday, her hair in the messiest high-ponytail he had ever seen- but it was cute to him.
“Ya coming lover-boy?” Y/N said, looking Peter right in his wide brown eyes. He blushed at the nickname before answering. 
“Yeah… I’m coming.”
The three teens got into the car and started on their way. “Hey losers, wanna go shopping?” 
“Y/N you only wanna go to the mall to eat,” MJ said to Y/N who was now laughing loudly, throwing her head back in agreement with her. Suddenly, in the middle of her laugh, she let out a loud snort. The car went silent as Y/N covered her mouth with her hand. MJ and Y/N burst into laughter, Peter soon joining. They all joked and sang to the songs that played on the radio all the way to the mall. 
///
“Dude!” 
“Jeez Y/N, you scared me! What is it?” MJ said to her, clutching her chest from being startled. They all had gone to the food court and were now just walking around the mall and into random stores. 
“There's a Build-A-Bear Workshop here!” she exclaimed excitedly, pointing at it like a child. Peter couldn't help but smile at how adorable she looked freaking out over a child’s store. 
“Let's go in,” Peter said to the two of them. Y/N looked at him wide-eyed with a goofy smile on her face. Her eyes looked like they twinkled with excitement. She shoved her drink into MJ’s hand, fixed her glasses, then grabbed Peter’s hand while running into the store. 
“Oooohh, I should get an H.P-themed bear!” Before Peter could even answer, Y/N dragged him to one of the workers, asking if she could get a custom bear. They went over to the station and started to build. 
As Y/N was finishing up the bear, she turned to Peter, “Ok, I have a very serious question. What accessories should I get?” they were standing in the Harry Potter section, looking over all of the things they had to decorate the bear. Peter shrugged, but then, he had a great idea, “I-I think you should get the uh, the glasses. The ones like your dads…” he said in an unsure tone. Y/N looked at him with a soft smile on her face. She couldn’t help herself, she had no idea what came over her as she pulled Peter into a tight embrace. Peter hesitated before putting his arms around her waist- her arms draped over his neck. 
At that moment, Y/N inhaled Peters sent heavily. She felt so… safe in his arms. Like nothing bad could touch her. She never wanted to break away- MJ’s voice brought them back to reality.
“You guys done, I need to get new converse,” she said with a smirk plastered across her face. Y/N quickly pulled away from Peter, a million thoughts running through her mind, but only one seemed to overpower the rest. 
I would be in his arms forever if I could.
“Ma’am, would you like to add a voice to your bear?” the lady said to Y/N, causing her thoughts to disappear. 
“Actually,” Y/N paused looking at Peter and MJ, “yes, I would.” She grabbed the recorder from the worker’s hand and sent her a small smile. She looked at the curly-headed girl and the brown-eyed boy was on either side of her. She explained her plan, “Ok, I want all three of us to say ‘Mischief Managed’, ok?” 
“What does that mean?” Peter questioned, looking at the two girls. They both sent him a deadly stare. “Nevermind,” he mumbled. 
“Ok, on three, one… two… three…” 
“Mischief Managed!” the trio yelled, causing some customers in the store to turn their heads and stare at them. They all mumbled small sorry’s as they laughed. 
///
“Ok, Peter what's one thing you hate?” MJ asked, turning to face him. They were all sitting in the car at a drive-in movie. Peter was now in the front seat while MJ was in the back. They all decided to just talk because the movie was pretty boring to them. 
“Uhh, I can't stand sleeping with socks on.”
“I don't think anyone can Parker,” Y/N said, laughing slightly. 
“Well what about you then?” he asked her, turning his full attention as he anticipated her answer. 
“Easy, liars. Ugh, I hate liars! What’s the point? It’s not like I’m gonna judge you,” Y/N answered confidently. “See, that’s what I like about you, Parker. You are very honest,” she said with a genuine smile. Peter just loved her smile, the way it lit up her whole face.
“Welp imma go get some pizza from the stand back there,” MJ said as she got out of the car. Y/N and Peter sat there in silence for a moment- comfortable silence. 
Y/N was the first to break the silence, as usual, “Hey, Pete. I just wanna thank you for the whole glasses thing last Friday. It really helped me realize that I should’ve worn the glasses the moment he gave them to me. It’s like I have a part of him with me now... And I love Harry Potter, obviously. Ya know, I took a quiz and found out what house I’m in! Can you believe that I’m in-“
“You’re welcome, Y/N” Peter interrupted her rambling, sending her a small smile. They stared into each other's eyes for a while, admiring one another. Peter got this warm feeling inside and had that same surge of energy he had when he first met her. Before even processing what he was about to do, he grabbed her hand without breaking eye contact. He fiddled with the ring she had on her thumb. 
Y/N breath became shallow as her heart pounded at her chest. 
“I’m in Slytherin,” she said randomly, looking down at how Peter’s hands played with hers. He let out a breathy chuckle. Their eyes met once again. 
Y/N gathered all of her courage and quickly reached out her hand to grab Peter’s cheek, pulling him into her. Their lips were centimeters apart. She ran her thumb along Peter’s bottom lip, slightly parting it as she leaned in closer, catching his lips with hers. Their lips interlocked and it felt like heaven to the both of them. 
They pulled apart from the soft kiss and slowly opened their eyes, starting again into each other's eyes searching for the words that weren’t said. Peter couldn’t contain himself anymore. His large hand grabbed the back of Y/N’s neck, pushing his lips into hers in a lust-filled kiss. Just like the one he had imagined. 
This was the moment he had dreamt of and it was finally happening. 
He ran his tongue over her bottom lip, begging for an entrance. She gave it to him without hesitation. His tongue slowly slipped into her mouth while her tongue ran into his. 
Peter snaked his hands to her waist, lifting her from her seated position in the driver's seat. She complied and started to adjust to where she was sitting in his lap. His hands ran from her waist to her butt and gave it a tight squeeze.
Y/N let out a soft moan into Peter’s mouth. She slowly started to trail kisses down his neck as he massaged her thighs and ass. 
Y/N hands got tangled in Peter’s brown curls. She began to suck on Peter’s neck, wanting to leave a mark. Peter let out a low groan at the sensation of her soft lips and wet tongue on his skin. 
He lifted her head and connected their lips together once again. His veiny hand slipped between their body making its way down to her core. 
Peter never did stuff like this, and neither did Y/N. all of this was new to them but their connection was so strong that they were willing to push the limits.
As Peter’s hand reached Y/N core, he placed two fingers right on top of where her clothed clit was. He began to draw circles against it. Y/N started to rock her hips over his fingers, yearning for more friction. She started to let out moans uncontrollably, whimpering at the euphoric feeling of his fingers pressed against her dripping core. 
“Peter,” Y/N breathed out trying to catch her breath. Peter hummed in response while moving his lips down to kiss her neck. 
Suddenly, Peter snapped out of the trance that he seemed to be in. This moment was the best moment of his life, but his damned mind couldn’t help re-play Y/N’s words on a lope: I hate liars. Why? Before they went to the movies and were still at the mall, Y/N had asked Peter about his Stark’s internship. And, of course, he couldn’t tell her the truth. So he just lied. Y/N looked so intrigued in the conversation but Peter couldn’t bear lying to her over and over again. He felt so guilty...
“Y/N,” Peter let out. “Y/N, we can’t do this.”
Y/N head snapped up, her glasses left crooked on her face. She looked stunned by his words. Her shoulders slumped as she started asking questions.
“What? Why? Am I not a good kisser? I’ve only kissed one person before but I don’t even really wanna count that. Does my breath smell bad? Ugh, I knew this was a bad idea- wait no! I didn’t mean it like that, I just knew you didn’t like me how I liked you… I’m so stupid.”
After Y/N was finished rambling, she put her face in her hands, trying to avoid eye contact with the chocolate-eyed boy. 
Peter was speechless. He didn’t know what to say, because what he wanted to say was: no Y/N that’s not it at all. You are the most amazing girl I’ve ever met, I- I lied to you… 
No. he couldn’t say that it would absolutely crush her and he couldn’t bear to hurt her. Peter put his hands on her waist, making Y/N jerk her body in shock. She let a small smile spread across her face, thinking Peter was going to hug her or make a cute gesture or even continue what they had started. He lifted Y/N and slid her back to the driver’s side.
Her smile dropped from her face and she pushed herself the rest of the way to the driver’s side. Peter sat there awkwardly, praying she wouldn’t say anything. It killed him to see the gloomy look on her face as she fixed her glasses. 
“I’m back with pizza!” MJ announced as she made her way into the backseat. “Woah, hey, cuz what’s wrong?”
“We’re going home,” Y/N replied with a cold tone of voice. This shocked Peter and MJ. Y/N was usually so smiley, even after her dad passed. She always tried to find the light in every situation. But something was different with this. One thing Peter knew for sure,
I fucked up…
[A/N] HEY GUYSSSS SO I HOPE YOU LIKED PART TWO. SORRY, IT WAS UP A BIT LATE, IVE BEEN HAVING INTERNET PROBLEMS. ANYWAY, SORRY FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES (IM GONNA GO BACK AND FIX THOSE) 
-J.T.S XXX
@love-granger​
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impalementation · 4 years ago
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spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 1
I said a long ways back that I thought the switch from Angel to Spike as Buffy’s primary love interest represented an interesting evolution in the show’s attitude towards—and interrogation of—romanticism, and I finally felt like expanding on what I meant by that. This is very long, very meandering, and not terribly academic or well-edited, but I hope there’s something of interest in it nonetheless. It is about 20,000 words in total, and will discuss, in more or less chronological order, the arc of the show’s attitude towards romanticism as it is embodied in Spike, Angel, Buffy and Buffy’s relationships with both of them. I was going to release it as one long post, but because it’s so long, I figured a series of posts might be more readable. Here’s the first one.
“When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons
Both Spike and Angel are at once capital-R Romantic figures, and lower-case romantic interests, and in both cases that Romantic/romantic duality is what makes them such effective avatars for ideas around romanticism. In the case of Angel, the show is aware from the beginning that he is very much a Romantic idea of something. In “Welcome to the Hellmouth” Buffy describes him as “dark” and “gorgeous”, evoking the “tall, dark and handsome” cliche. He’s mysterious. He gives her a necklace and his coat, gestures out of high school romance fiction.* In “Out of Mind, Out of Sight” Giles lampshades the romance of him: “A vampire in love with a Slayer. It’s rather poetic, in a maudlin sort of way.” Initially, Angel is basically designed to be a teenage girl fantasy, and it’s no coincidence that his successors like Edward Cullen or Stefan Salvatore conform to similar tropes.
*(Think of how five seasons later, a vampire will give Dawn his letterman jacket in “All the Way”. It’s hard not to read as a deliberate echo of Angel’s gift in season one. Once again, a vampire makes romantic gestures towards a high school version of “Buffy”, and later turns on her. But more on this much later in the series.)
The difference between Angel and those other, more typical Supernatural Romance love interests however, is that the show ultimately attempts to subvert the romance of him. As part of its commentary on Gothic themes, season two makes Angel more Romantic than ever (the Claddagh, the tormented past), and makes the romance between him and Buffy central to the story in a way it wasn’t in season one. And then, of course, the season tears it all apart. The first time we learn what Angel did to Drusilla it’s horrifying, but still somehow abstract. Something that seems more like it’s meant to contribute to Angel’s dangerous, Byronic image. As in, something to make him more Romantic. And then suddenly it becomes real. Suddenly, it’s something that Angel could do to Buffy, or the people Buffy cares about. It turns out that his darkly romantic aura was not just an aura, but genuinely dark all along.
In turn, Angel’s devastating transformation is a metaphor for broader disillusionment about romantic ideas. It’s less to me about a “guy going bad after sex”, and more about what it means and feels like to have the scales fall from one’s eyes in that sort of situation. As Buffy copes with the fallout of Angel’s transformation, and later is forced to kill him, I see it as being about the tragedy of having to see the world in ways that are less simple, easy, or pretty as one gets older. As Buffy and Giles say in “Lie To Me”:
BUFFY: Nothing's ever simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love or hate. Who to trust. It's just, like, the more I know, the more confused I get. 
GILES: I believe that's called growing up. 
For more on this, I recommend this livejournal post on “Lie To Me”, which goes into great depth on the way season two frames stories as pretty lies that one needs to look beneath, and how Buffy’s romanticization of Angel symbolizes that.
The whole arc of the season is Buffy’s failure to see the danger presented by Angel. In this opening scene that danger is foreshadowed. More to the point for this essay, Angel goes on to lie to Buffy about having encountered Drusilla. He doesn’t want Buffy to know about the nature of Angelus – which means that his first inclination is to mask the danger he presents to Buffy. This is one episode after Halloween, where Buffy’s romantic fantasies about what Angel wants (a damsel) nearly get her killed. Nor is she completely over those fantasies, as she notes that the mystery woman talking to Angel had a pretty old-fashioned dress. So against the backdrop of Buffy’s fantasies about her dark and mysterious boyfriend we have the truth about what he is, which is quite horrifying.
Season three then takes this to another level, by not just pointing out the darkness of the romance of Angel, but in fact puncturing his romantic image. Instead of emphasizing his dangerousness, as season two did, season three emphasizes his adulthood. It emphasizes the way that Angel is someone Buffy sees in secret, or away from her friends. He’s not integrated with her teenage, high school life, and doesn’t fit with the peppy, high school movie aesthetic that characterizes a lot of season three. By doing this, the writing indicates that at this point in their lives, Buffy and Angel are ultimately incompatible and holding each other back. Regardless of however much they might care for each other, Angel can’t fully appreciate her teenage longings like dances, and college, and having a boyfriend. And Buffy can’t fully appreciate his adult need to find himself on his own terms. By the end of season three, Angel is less of a shadowy, tragic figure, and more just an adult man who needs to finally grow up a bit.
Season three also starts making jokes where the punchline is that Angel isn’t living up to the romantic aesthetic he embodied in seasons one and two. In “Helpless”, for example, he and Buffy have an exchange where he waxes sincerely about wanting to “keep [her heart] safe, to warm it with [his own]” and although Buffy says the sentiment is beautiful, a second later she deadpans: “Or taken literally, incredibly gross.” To which Angel replies, “I was just thinking that, too.” Or in “Graduation Day, Part 1”, Angel trips on a doorway instead of making a silent entrance and Buffy again deadpans: “Stealthy.” Angel’s romance slips at moments when Buffy herself is feeling weak, either because she has lost her Slayer powers, or she’s investigating the scene of her sister Slayer’s crime. Her Romantic Slayer half is betraying her, and her romantic girlish half is feeling insecure. This is echoed by the reminder that Angel is no longer a straightforward fantasy man--or a terrifying, larger-than-life villain--but a guy who is sometimes both verbally and physically inelegant. 
(Notice how one of the few times season two makes similar jokes about Angel it’s in “Lie to Me”, the very same episode that begins to peel off the layers of deceptions and unknowns about him. Angel slumps around Willow’s bedroom and jokes about “honing [his] brooding skills”, he insists that the vampire wannabes know nothing about vampires right before a guy walks by wearing his exact outfit, and Xander runs color commentary, saying “you’re not wrong” after each of Ford’s observations. In “Lie to Me” one of Angel’s hidden faces is his dangerousness, yes. But another hidden face is simply his human awkwardness.)
There’s an interesting Slayage piece by Elizabeth Gilliland that discusses the idea of Angel as a Gothic double for Buffy, specifically connecting him to the story of Jekyll and Hyde. It argues that Angel’s split identities represent Buffy’s fears that her human and Slayer halves are irreconcilable, and she cannot fully control either half. In season three, the fact that Buffy and Angel must continuously resist a loss of control with each other, and are treated as romantically incompatible, reflects this fear. 
In Season Three, replete with various factors in Buffy’s life that threaten to put her role as Slayer and girl into imbalance once more [...] Angel once again returns [...]. The season culminates in an attempted attack on Buffy’s classmates during graduation, which essentially forces her to “out” herself to her community and combine her roles as Slayer and daughter, classmate, and friend for the first time publicly (“Graduation Day: Part 2” 3.22). The worst has happened: her secret has been revealed, the entire school knows about both of her personas, and she has not only survived, but emerged with a stronger sense of self [...] Buffy has conquered her first Gothic fear, and proven to herself that she can not only exercise control over both dualities of her persona, but allow them to peacefully co-exist. Thus, Angel’s continuing struggle with Angelus can no longer act as her shadow, and he literally and metaphorically leaves her to continue the rest of her journey.
It’s an interpretation I mostly agree with, and see a lot of evidence for. But in keeping with the focus of this series, I think you could also read Angel as embodying a duality between the romantic and the unromantic. In this view, Buffy’s struggle between her human and her Slayer halves is not just a struggle between personas, but a struggle to see the world correctly. In season one, it’s not Angel that revives Buffy in “Prophecy Girl”, because Angel is a vampire trope just like the Master. He cannot help her, because he is exactly the kind of traditional romantic concept--like a candle-lit cavern, an ancient Nosferatu-looking vampire, or a Chosen Hero duty--that Buffy is trying to escape. In season two, loss of control is specifically associated with passion, romance, and romanticism. Buffy’s human half longs for the romantic, but her Slayer half, and Angel’s vampire half, prove that sometimes the romantic is something dangerous and violent. The fact that Buffy’s Slayer identity and Angel’s Angelus identity both end up being outed by the end of the season (especially to Joyce, a figure of Buffy’s human home life), echoes Buffy’s loss of innocence. Season three then continues this suspicion of passion. Buffy fears that like Faith, enjoying the violence and power and desire of being a Slayer, means that she will go down a dark path. She also fears that indulging in her sexual and romantic desire for Angel will unleash Angelus. To some extent, these fears are even borne out, given that her love for Angel results in her attempted murder of Faith, and near death at Angel’s hands. But to some extent they also aren’t, given that she, Faith and Angel all live. 
To me, what really gets resolved at the end of season three is not quite the issue of Buffy’s human and Slayer halves, given that Buffy will continue to struggle with that duality until the end of the show. Rather, what gets resolved is the need for binaries. Binaries are romantic things. When Giles gives his speech to Buffy at the end of “Lie To Me”, it is the language of binaries that he uses:
GILES: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after. 
BUFFY: Liar.
In season three, Buffy thinks she must resist both Faith and Angel. She thinks she can only be either a human girl or a Slayer leader. Many plots in season three have to do with the danger of binaries, whether that’s the witch-hunting parents in “Gingerbread”, Willow dealing with her vampire self in “Doppelgangland”, the various alter-egos in “Beauty and the Beasts”, or Cordy choosing a Buffy-less world in “The Wish”. And no character in the Buffyverse embodies the concept of binaries so starkly as Angel does. Thus by the end of season three, Buffy collapses the binaries within herself by merging the human and Slayer parts of her life, as Gilliland observes, and taking on Faith’s traits. She acknowledges her shadow by kissing her tenderly on the forehead, and bids farewell to the illusions and binaries that Angel embodies. Buffy is leaving that part of her life behind, and starting a new chapter where she can no longer split either the world, or herself, into any one thing or another.
part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id
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noctilucentstorm · 3 years ago
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Ghost Game Review: Episode 17
Icy Hell
Kiyoshiro invites the rest of the group along to his routine check of a geothermal powerplant he helped develop. However, the plant is attacked, eventually trapping all but Ruli inside.
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It really feels like this show has hit its stride since episode 13, but maybe that’s just me. We probably spent a little too much time running around the geothermal plant without much being gained for it, but the rest of the episode was so interesting I can’t say I mind too much. I also loved the little call-back when Ruli almost gave the boys away by calling Hiro, but decided not to. Really nice touch!
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Also, for a moment I thought this was going to turn into a critique on global warming, but it was just about Spring! A little bit of a shame, but that probably would’ve been a bit heavy to bring up in the closing minutes of the episode.
Characters
Firstly, I want to take a moment to appreciate how these guys socialise and work together. I think this is the first series of Digimon I’ve watched where they all seem like genuine friends who like hanging out with each other, but also have interests and friends (so far) not tied to the main plot that we get a glimpse of. There’s something refreshing about celebrating friends who share certain interests but don’t have everything in common.
Well, guess we finally have an answer for how Kiyoshiro can afford so much. I’m guessing because he doesn’t go to class he can work on these kinds of projects during the school day. While it may feel unrealistic to have a 14-year-old genius, I like how it’s clear Jellymon, Hiro, Ruli and the others are the first friends he’s had around his own age, or at least the first for some time. We saw in the first episode he struggles to interact with peers, but he is also putting in effort to make connections. We saw it before when he invited the group to his conference in episode 14, but with this episode it feels like a pattern. Although it’s played as a joke that he invites them along out of fear of being alone, it seems much more likely he’s inviting them because he genuinely wants them to be a part of his life. After all, I’m sure he’s gone to conferences, etc before the series start. Also, I didn’t expect him to call Ruli “Tsukiyono-san,” especially when she’s younger. Wonder if he’ll call her something more familiar by the end of the series?
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I don’t think I can do justice to Hiro’s character as well as the other two, but it was so nice seeing how genuinely impressed he was at the geothermal powerplant. We’ve seen him in the big brother role for so much of the series, I think it’s easy to forget he’s only 13 and had a completely different life before his father disappeared and Gammamon showed up. I realise being laid-back and a bit passive is part of his character, but I also hope we get to see more of him being fascinated by the world around him. After all, the Digital World clearly interests him in some way.
I think this is the first time one of the partners has devolved before the end of the battle? It explains a bit why BetelGammamon didn’t help keep Hiro warm with his fire – he didn’t even have the energy to even keep himself warm! Angoramon was cute in this episode, doing his best to keep Hiro and Kiyoshiro safe while worrying for Ruli.
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I know TeslaJellymon is one of my favourites so I’m a bit biased, but she was great in this episode. I really like that she can be a bit oblivious to others, although it’s not malicious. She’s genuinely scared for Kiyoshiro and the others when she goes out to face Frozomon and the way she tries to reassure Ruli is very sweet. I’m also really glad that all the building up of their friendship (seriously, how many reviews did I mention how much I liked their dynamic?) has paid off this episode. Between the music and the voice acting, the fight scene with Ruli and TeslaJellymon was really moving!
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Setting aside the girl-able-to-run-in-heels-trope (and on ice, ugh!) Ruli was my favourite of this episode. She’s upfront with her disinterest in the plant, but also doesn’t just stand around complaining about it. I really admire that she’s so confident to just go off and do her own thing, partially because it’s something I wish I was better at. Once she realises she can’t get to the others, Ruli tries to wait it out, although her worry gets the best of her. Her genuine concern really sells the fight with Frozomon. When the insert music started up, I actually started to think we’d maybe even get an evolution (I’m glad we didn’t, the powering up of TeslaJellymon’s attacks felt right to me).
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It would be easy after this episode to ask why Jellymon isn’t Ruli’s partner and Angoramon isn’t Kiyoshiro’s, but I think that shows the difference between friends that we get along and have fun with, and those that make us better people. Ruli-Jellymon feels like the former, while Ruli-Angoramon and Kiyoshiro-Jellymon fit into the latter group, which is why they’re partners. However, I hope that we see more bonding between the digimon and humans outside of their partnerships.
Worldbuilding/Plot
Ruli helping to power up TeslaJellymon’s attacks opens up a lot of possibilities. Can anyone with a V-Bracelet power up any digimon? Does one even need a V-Bracelet? Or is Ruli the only one who can power up the others’ attacks due to her personality, similar to how Hiro’s encouragement of Gammamon has given him four Adult/Champion forms? I like all the possibilities and given how the series writers have handled this kind of stuff so far, I doubt this will be the only time we see this happening.
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I’m also a little interested by this. We’ve seen these digital markings come up in the past, but normally when digimon are interacting with objects in our world. It’s only a guess, but I think it was the snow that caused them to appear. Anyway, a small but interesting detail.
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bumblesimagines · 4 years ago
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Green Thumb
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Part 18
Request: Yes or No
Also kind of short
~
You stared out at the river, fingers warm from the heat of the mug in your hands. You felt tired, empty, and disappointed. The roof was a nice place to sit and think. Your gaze dropped down to the ground below.
"I don't believe this is the safest way to test your abilities, (Y/N). Especially since Sam doesn't have on his wings." Vision said in concern, watching Sam hype himself up. You shook your head, laughing.
"It's definitely not safe." You grinned, watching Sam. He looked down from his spot on the roof, shaking off nerves.
"Run the idea by me again." Vision said as Wanda chuckled softly.
"Alright, Sam is gonna jump off the roof and I'm gonna use my powers to keep up in the air. If they don't work, Wanda will catch him."
"You're gonna allow this, Wanda?" Vision looked at the redhead. Wanda shrugged, sipping on her tea with a small smile.
"Ready?" Sam called, sliding down his googles. You nodded, backing up a bit, grinning widely. Sam backed up out of sight before running off the roof. You raised your hand, watching him suddenly fly up. He screamed, arms and legs flailing.
"You might gonna to catch him, Vis!" You called as Sam briefly disappeared past a cloud. Vision flew up, catching Sam and flying back to the ground. Sam raised a hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat as he panted.
"Again?"
"Again."
"Kind of chilly out here, don't you think?" You turned your head, looking at Tony. He took a seat beside you, sighing.
"So, how'd it go?" Tony asked, turning to look at you. You licked your lips, lightly shrugging as you sipped on your hot chocolate.
"Good. I learned a lot about my family. It was confirmed that, uh, I was indeed abandoned by my mother. It's great." You told him, giving a small nod. Tony hummed.
"It builds character." Tony said. You snorted, looking down at the hot chocolate.
"Yeah, I guess so." You muttered.
"What'd you learn?" Tony asked, watching you. You sighed, head tilting up. You stared at the passing clouds.
"That my dad was killed here... By.. The Winter Soldier." You breathed out. Tony stayed silent, frowning as he nodded.
"I.. I can't blame him. He was brainwashed and not in control. How did you react when you found out about Bucky and your parents?" You asked, looking at him. Tony licked his lips, looking away from you. He seemed to think about his words, eyes squinting slightly.
"I.. I was more hurt by Rogers than by what Barnes did. Rogers kept it from me and he never planned on telling me. Even if we didn't consider each other friends.. We were teammates. How was I supposed to be okay with trusting him with my life when he was never gonna tell me about my parents?" Tony frowned, sighing heavily. You bit your bottom lip.
"I'm sorry Steve betrayed you like that." You said softly. You wouldn't want to work with someone who betrayed you either. You took in a small breath, looking at him curiously.
"Do you think Steve knows? About my dad?"
"Unless Barnes saw some similarities between you and your dad, probably not. Your dad covered his tracks. He made sure he wouldn't be connected to his family. Very smart of him." Tony offered a small smile. You reached into your back pocket, taking out a photo. It was of the whole family. Your grandparents, Florine, Michael, and even Gerdie as a pup. You turned it around to the back, looking at the phone number.
'Call when you need me, kid'
"People really need to stop calling me kid." You mumbled, huffing softly. Tony chuckled.
"You look like one."
"Oh, fuck off, old man." You gave Tony a playful glare. He scoffed, touching his chest dramatically.
"Are you really gonna retire? I mean, at this point, you're asking to be called an old man." You pointed out, grinning when Tony rolled his eyes.
"Pepper and Morgan need me. I don't want to be an absent father. I know how it feels to have one and.. I don't want to be like my father. I won't make the same mistakes."
"You'll make new mistakes." You shrugged lightly. Tony shot you a look. "But I'm sure you're a great father!"
"Right." Tony grunted, shaking his head. You chuckled softly, placing your cup beside you. You inhaled softly.
"When I was drunk.. I vividly remembering saying that you suck before passing out. What happened?"
"Oh, you were a goddamn mess. Definitely an emotional drunk." Tony replied, making you groan softly, cheeks flushing from embarrassment.
"You said I was a lucky bastard and you cried.. You also kissed me." Tony looked at you, gaze searching for a reaction. Your lips parted, brows raising.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Uhm.." You licked your lips, straightening up and clearing your throat. You stayed silent, thinking of what to say in response.
"Pepper doesn't have to know. It was a drunk kiss that nobody really saw, right? I mean, I already have enough on my plate. I don't need an angry wife on top of that." You blurted out, shrugging lightly. Tony cleared his throat, nodding.
"Yeah, of course. It barely lasted a second." Tony looked forward, scratching the side of his neck. Awkward silence took over, both you and Tony unsure on how to proceed without making things even more weird.
"How are you?" Tony suddenly asked, turning towards you. "Like, in general."
"Terrible."
"Yeah, I feel that. Wanna... Wanna talk about it?" Tony asked. You stared at him, brows furrowing.
"Are you practicing on me for when Morgan needs a talk with you?" You questioned, head tilting slightly. Tony shrugged.
"Yes and no."
"That's nice." You huffed softly, gaze drifting towards the setting sun. You watched him, shoulders slumping.
"I feel.. Incredibly alone. Yeah, Nat is here but I can't rely on her. She has her own issues to deal with. Bruce... Bruce is god fucking knows where and if I tried talking to him, he'd probably just stand there. Clint is also god fucking knows where. Thor fucked off the moment they came back from killing Thanos. The outerspace crew is kind of weird. Steve is... Steve. He'd just give me a speech and a pat on the shoulder. Carol barely comes to Earth and she's also pretty intimidating." You licked your lips, shaking your head as you brought your knees up to your chest.
"The people I used to talk to have either.. Died or chosen to leave. I have to take care of a big ass fucking farmhouse cause its goddamn owner left! My life is slowly falling apart and I have to comfort myself cause nobody seems to care enough! I am so fucking tired of feeling tired. I thought I had found a family but I guess I'm not good enough for those." You raised your voice, feeling the wind get harsh for a quick minute. You let out a deep breath, eyes shutting to keep the tears from falling. You felt an arm wrap around your shoulders, gently leaning you against a warm body. You sniffle, a shakey sigh leaving you.
"And I am so tired of crying." You whispered. Tony gently leaned his head against yours, hand squeezing your arm.
"I know.. I'm sorry." He said quietly. You relaxed against him, feeling numb and empty. You looked down at the photo. You wondered if this was the life Michael had wanted for you. To be a hero to a planet missing fifty percent of its inhabitants.
"You know what might make you feel better?" Tony asked.
"What?" You sat up, using the sleeve of your jacket to wipe your nose as you sniffled. Tony stood, motioning for you to follow. He offered his hand, watching you pick up the mug. You took his hand, holding it as Tony led you off the roof and down the stairs. You placed the mug on the nearest table, letting him guide you outside and onto the field. You stood in the middle, looking at him with furrowed brows.
"Letting it out." He finally answered, letting go of your hand and taking some steps back. He raised his arms.
"Let it out. Scream, kick, punch, curse. Let it all out." Tony said, smiling widely. You sniffled, still unsure.
"C'mon, I'll do it with you. On a count of three, okay? One... Two... Three!" You inhaled with Tony, eyes shutting as you screamed as loud as you could. You heard Tony chuckle in amazement, opening your eyes. You noticed he had been knocked down onto the grass, the trees nearby having been bent back by the wind. The grass around your feet were burned and gray clouds had formed in the sky. You noticed Tony looking up at something behind you so you turned, blinking and slowly looking up at the large ice spikes that almost reached the clouds.
"Holy shit." You whispered, taking a step back.
"You're still on the tip of the iceberg with your powers, Elsa." Tony said, getting up as it began to thunder. You felt some weight off your chest, turning to face you.
"You know.. That actually did help." You chuckled, smiling gently.
"Well, I am a genius." Tony replied, digging into his pocket and pulling out car keys.
"I should get going. Pepper's cooking dinner and I don't want to miss it." Tony said. You nodded, walking with him towards the road. A sports car drove out of the garage, stopping infront of Tony.
"All my things have already been sent home." Tony said, looking at you. You hummed, nodding.
"You can be an asshole sometimes but.. You'll be missed." You told him softly. Tony gave a genuine soft smile.
"You should visit, kid. You might like my new place." Tony said, opening the door and getting in.
"Give me a call and I'll visit when I can." You said, watching him buckle up. Tony nodded, sliding on sunglasses.
"I'll be seeing you."
"Not really looking forward to it." You replied, hearing a small snort before the car drove off. You watched it go, sighing softly. You looked over at the spikes, licking your lips.
"What more can I do?"
~
Tags: @geek-and-proud @wolfelocksley @babyvisionisamenace @jjk-is-my-shit
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winchesterxxi · 4 years ago
Text
A Human Wiretap (Poe Dameron x Reader)
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GIF BY @captain-flint​
Rating: G (General Audience)
Type: Fluff
Summary: While in Kijimi, Reader is shocked by the revelation of Poe having been a spice runner before becoming a Resistance pilot, unaware that he knows about her own secret
Word Count: 2.5k
Warnings: None
A/N: let the stream of Poe content commence
MASTERPOST | REQUEST HERE | KO-FI
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Kijimi was the last place you wanted to be right now. You had always known of this place to be infested with pirates and all the lawless beings of the galaxy, the country being practically a crime heaven.
The destination had been appointed as The Thieves' Quarter, the place you were told you could find Babu Frik, and to your unrest, your husband seemed to be able to navigate the streets of the foreign planet pretty well, occasionally stopping against a wall at any given corner, looking around for any threats.
“Are you sure you never came here?” you ask one time while leaning against his side on a cold brick wall, waiting for the safe sign.
“Not really.” He says looking over at the snowy empty street, before turning his head back at you for a split second “Coast’s clear, let’s go”
And just as he took the first step to round the corner, an armoured woman came into view pointing a blaster at Poe’s face.
Not even allowing a second to process another thought, you reach for your own blaster, pulling it from its holster and aiming it perfectly so that it was secured in the direction of the person’s head on both of your steady hands.
“Heard you were spotted at Monk’s Gate. Thought He’s not stupid enough to come back here.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised.” Poe mumbles from his stance.
“Blaster off him. Now.” You warn from your spot, a scowl upon your face, ready to shoot, in case she dared to make another move.
“Zorii!” Poe exclaims in fake enthusiasm, before snapping his head quickly between the two of you. “She won’t ask twice, I would listen to her”
“You pull that trigger, you’re next, honey.” You assure her, readjusting your fingers as to place a stronger grip around the camera.
“She used a pet name, she’s serious.” Poe nods and nervously warns the woman whose weapon was now closer to his forehead, almost pressed against it.
“We’re only here to find Babu Frik, we don’t want no trouble.” You tell her cordially, expecting to explain your presence in the clearly unwelcoming planet and maybe have her help you. You eye the woman up and down, eyes scanning the shining golden armour, before settling on the deep black visor.
“Who are you?”
“Honey,” Poe speaks, being careful not to make any sudden moves that could make the woman pull the trigger “this is Zoriii. Zoriii, this Y/N, my wife.”
You are a little taken aback by the fact that they seem to know each other fairly well, given the assurance that Poe had just given you moments ago, that he’d never step foot on Kijimi.
Her helmet turns to you “Wife?” she scoffs “I guess there really is someone for everyone.”
“You have no idea.” he smirks, a momentary lapse, and you snap a look at him.
“I could pull this trigger right now.” She says, pushing the blaster harder against Poe’s head, and you take a step forward.
“You do that, my blaster is the last thing you’ll see in this life.” Sharp words leave your mouth, both you and Poe knowing damn well that you were badass enough to keep the promise.
“Babu only works with the crew. That’s not you anymore.” Zorii says, still talking to Poe, as if your presence and the one of your weapon aimed at her is non-existent.
“What do you mean crew?” you ask her, and for a moment, her attention is directed to you, before slowly tilting once again in your husband’s direction, whose hands were still up in the air in a surrendering feat.
“Oh your wife doesn’t know?” her voice, goes up an octave, clearly amused by whatever is about to unfold. Your eyes scan between the two of them waiting for some kind of explanation of whatever secret conversation was going on in front of you. “Funny he never mentioned it…”
“What is she talking about?” you question Poe but he gives himself no time to utter a word at you, just quickly waving his hand and facing Zorii.
“Zorii, married people are still allowed secrets- “ he tries but she is too quick to reveal the information you were dying to be delivered.
“Your husband was part of the Spice Runner Gang.”
You can’t stop your jaw from going slack at the revelation, not being able to form any coherent words and instead just moving your mouth like a fish out of water, dwelling on whether you felt hurt, angry or any other emotion of the rush that caught you in that moment.
Poe’s shoulders slump slightly and he bites his bottom lip, eyes closed in frustration. He then turns at you, hands still up, as you were still gripping the blaster, which was now pointed at him as he was walking towards you, cautious steps, one at a time.
“I can explain.”
“You were a smuggler? AND A SPICE RUNNER AT THAT?” You drop your blaster to your side, stepping towards him, your brain having decided on anger as the momentary emotion.
“Y/N-“
“In 2 years of marriage NOT ONCE did it occur to you to mention that!?” you yell the two middle words, incredulous at your husband’s secret, having spent your whole relationship that he had always been a resistance pilot, just like he had assured you.
“Oh, don’t act like I’m the only one with a secret here!” his hands drop to his side, and he is no longer trailing in front of you like a lost puppy looking for forgiveness but instead returns to his conflictual side, a defence mechanism, you’ve come to learn.
“What is that supposed to mean?” you scoff, genuinely clueless as to what he could be referring to. And definitely not expecting him to voice the secret you fought years to keep.
“I know you’re a Sywalker!” he says loudly, and its as if your spirit has left your body, the blood draining from your face, and for a moment you forget that breathing is a necessary bodily function.
“H… How do you…”
“The week before we got married I-…” he takes a deep breathe in, running a hand through his wild curls, now dusted with white snow. “I heard you and Leia.”
Poe was making his way to the X-Wing hangar when he stumbled across an ajar door from where he spotted your figure passing across it and disappearing multiple times.
It wasn’t until he stepped closer and leaned against the wall, that he got the full picture.
You were pacing back and forth in an empty resting room of The Radus, pattering your boots across the white floor as Leia sat by the window, looking at you in this impossible frenzy, fingers pressed against your mouth while the other hand rested on your hip.
Your motion comes to a halt in front of her, turning on your toes to face her.
“Should I tell him?”
“I think you should do what you think to be the right thing.” Leia answers her, reaching forward to grab your nervous hands in hers.
“We’re getting married next week, but I don’t think telling him would be any good…”
That’s when Poe’s heart sank to the bottom of his chest, tightening at the implication of your wedding and a number of awful possibilities running across his mind as to what you could be hiding from him.
“He’ll think…I don’t even know. I’ve spent more than half of my life hiding this and if he finds out… What if he thinks I’m a freak? And…And just leave me?”
Poe, from across the door, inches closer, curiosity getting the best of him and brows furrowing.
“Y/N, honey, Poe has been around plenty of force-sensitive people. I can assure you that my niece being one won’t scare him away.” Leia assures you while giving your hands a firm squeeze, and you let your head fall back, closing your eyes.
Wait, what? Poe was really trying to connect the dots at the amount of information that he had been bombed within this short amount of time.
“Not the daughter of Luke Skywalker.” You sigh.
“You knew?... All this time…” your eyes brim with tears.
Poe turns to Zorii who still stood behind him, the blaster having been lowered.
“Can you…give us a moment?”
“Who the hell do you think you are to be asking favours right now?” she snaps but Poe’s eyes plead at her for a single ounce of sympathy. “I’m staying right here.”
Poe turn around to face you, still very aware of the blaster pointed at the back of his head and he lowers his voice so that only the two of you can share the conversation.
“Honey…”
“You still married me?” you are looking down until you speak, watery and red eyes finding those of Poe who’s demeanour completely changes upon your question. He rushes to your front, gloved hands finding your upper arms, giving them a reassuring squeeze. “You knew I was lying to you and you still… you still…”
“Honey,” his hands slide up from your arms to your cheeks “Look at me. I love you. I know why you did it. I probably would’ve done the same. I’m not mad, never have been, never will be.”
You were fighting the urge to ramble on, but upon looking into your husband’s sincere eyes, you relaxed your whole body and he takes that as a cue to pull you in for a hug. With your face flush against his chest, you mumble an apology, fists tightening around the fabric of his cloak.
“I’m sorry… for snapping at you earlier. It was very hypocritical of me.”
Poe smiles against your forehead, before placing a tender kiss against its warm flesh.
“It’s okay, honey, I swear. At least…at least I think I owe you an explanation.” Poe takes a deep breath in “I… When I was a teen, still living on Yavin 4,… their ship crashed near my hometown and I just… I needed out of there, I wanted to be reckless. So I joined them.”
You pull your head away from his chest, craning it upwards.
“Zorri’s mom was… she was the leader of the Spice Runners and she had this plan of inviting other crime lords here to form alliances, but she really was just planning on killing them. Zorii offered to fight against her with me and take control of the Spice Runners but I was done. Honestly, I wanted a better life.”
“And you got it. Congratulations.” Zorii’s voice makes the two of you snap back at her, Poe’s hand rushing down to your side, grabbing your hand and stepping slightly in front of you. “You know, I’m still digging out of the hole you put me in when you left to join the Resistance.”
Her helmet then turns in your direction and you have no time to manoeuvre the blaster back to pointing at her, afraid that she’d shoot.
“You. You’ll do.” She says referring to you “A Skywalker. A bounty for her might just cover us.” She says and you frown at the word us until you find your peripheral vision starting to get dotted on the sides by equally armoured soldiers who you assumed to be Spice Runners.
“Djak’kankah” she commands.
“Don’t djak’kankah” Poe pleads, knowing the meaning of the word.
Just then, when you perceive that the smugglers are running in on you, you quickly snap up your blaster and take them all one by one with perfect aim, sliding your leg under Zorii’s feet and akeing her fall to the cold ground right in front of you, both of you pointing your blasters at each other.
“We could really use your help. Please.” You huff, trying to calm your beating heart from the adrenaline of the previous moment.
“Not that you care…But I think you’re okay.” She breathes through the helmet.
“I care.” You let a sly smile tint your lips, sliding your blaster back into its holster and offering the woman who just seconds ago was dead set on killing you your hand.
When she is hoisted back to her feet, she walks ahead of the both of you signalling for her to be followed but as she is about to pass Poe she throws him a few words.
“She’s a keeper.”
“Don’t I know that.” He smirks, turning back to see you walking to catch up to him. Before you can say anything, his gloved hand is already pressed against your cheek as he brings his lips down to crash against yours.
“I love you.”
“I love you.” You whisper against his lips “But I still need to-“
“You can tell me all about it tonight. While laying in bed. No rush.” He smiles assuringly at you and you swear if you didn’t have a mission at hands you would melt into his embrace for as long as the galaxy aloud you to.
“Let’s find that droidsmith.” You smile at him, before placing one quick kiss against his jaw and walking towards Zorii, leaving the former Spice Runner, current lovestruck Resistance Pilot, completely enamoured and stunned behind you.
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TAGLISTS
PERMANENT TAGLIST
@blondekel77​  @pedrobreakmyback​
POE DAMERON TAGLIST
@niall2017​​​
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