#and I think if they implemented even one thing from that petition it would just fuel the fire

[social-cocoon]

Saw that Raphael romance petition floating around and uhhhh yikes, I really hope Larian doesn't listen to it even a little bit. I appreciate that Larian has been very open to fan feedback and requests and have even implemented some, but at some point if they aren't careful it's going to bite them in the ass with fans feeling more and more entitled to getting changes put in the game.

[xxspirit]

Hello, my name is Moon. And I'm asking you to spread the word of KOSA (Kids online 'safety' act) an awful, deceiving bill that will censor you, me, minors, and adults online alike.

How the bill works will cause social media to change in a horrible way. It will make it to where you must upload your ID publicly to prove you're old enough to view 'explicit' content.

In reality, that content is LGBTQ+ resources for abuse victims, resources for abortion, resources for Palestinians, resources for sex ED, and more.

It will censor us, destory fanfiction, WHATS NEXT? Uploading private messages? Putting your IP in public?

It will end Tumblr, Fanfics, privacy.

PLEASE HELP END IT! Speak out! Stop them, reblog as much as possible! #EndKosa

Hi, I appreciate you for helping to stop KOSA and helping people understand what KOSA is, and I agree with you that KOSA is terrible.

BUT we need to take a step back, and calm down. I know lots of people are freaking out about this act right now, I am too. But I think a lot of the chaos behind it is because of misinformation as well, specifically about the whole IDs.

Just a warning v

I want to clarify to anyone if they are just skimming past my words that I am NOT ADVOCATING FOR KOSA, I hate KOSA, this act is definitely not to defend minors from the internet but instead HARM them even more as well as EVERYONE ELSE. I just think we are causing a lot of panic and chaos because of misinformation.

I just want to help calm people down, I tried to do my own research and tried to fact-check myself to make sure what Im saying is true, but if you know I said something wrong please let me know and I am so sorry if I misspoke, I will correct myself as soon as possible. 🙏

KOSA DOESNT REQUIRE A PERSONAL ID: I did my own research about the need of uploading a personal ID, but this doesn’t seem to be true. I will be reblogging a few things today that I found, and also this website for my evidence:

KOSA still needs to go through congress, and then the President. Although it may or already have passed through the Senate sadly, there is still another chance. So keep up with the rallying and keep giving attention to KOSA about how stupid it is! WE CAN STILL STOP KOSA!!! DO NOT GIVE UP!!

Even IF KOSA does pass… it will take MONTHS for the act to go into action. I found this screenshot from another person, I’ll be reblogging their post after this one:

It will take a ONE YEAR and SIX MONTHS(A YEAR AND A HALF)before KOSA actually starts being implemented. In that time, we can think of what to do, migrate if we have to, or whatever.

Also- know this doesn’t help tumblr but I also saw on another post which ill reblog, that potentially Ao3 won’t be affected, which may be nice for some of you to know.

Here’s a petition I found, I recommend signing it!

It is so awesome to see the community work together to help stop KOSA, but let’s make sure to be checking our sources and try not to spread things that don’t seem to be accurate! 🙏

Stay safe guys, and stay strong 💪

[dmagedgoods]

Why ppl dislike Raphael this much?

It was a very loud minority, that's important to keep in mind. I counted how many people I blocked yesterday. It was around 30 or 40. - A very small number compared to all the people enthusiastically telling Larian to add a kiss on that weird tweet about him being a devil and an even more insignificant number compared to 542 signatures for our petition. We gained around a hundred more in one night only because the antis shared the petition so enthusiastically and made people see it who agree with us and not them. 😂 Looking at it all, I think Raphael is a very, very beloved character actually. Those antis don't truly hate him, they have the completely ridiculous idea that asking for more content with a character is "harassing the devs" in some way. A wild thought, since the devs will see that (very politely phrased) letter around in the social medias once, maybe twice, and are perfectly capable of decision-making and choosing if any of it fits their plans or not. Other antis think that Larian even considering more Raphael content would take away resources from their beloved faves. - What isn't only hypocritical but makes no sense at all, since it's not mutually exclusive to work on more content for character A and character B. Raphael's story arc (as much as I love our devil) in the game itself is weak. And needs as much polishing as many other things. And the third group of antis I saw, well, they didn't truly read the letter and apparently only saw one point with the idea of Raphael being in camp for a while. What is, yes, the most unlikely of the ideas, but also just one among so, so many others that would be much easier to implement. That he stays in camp only works if they'd write him a strong reason to do so. I did not think it was necessary to mention that but apparently, I should have. They think our suggestions are against his character and would take from it. (Please consider that many cishet men just don't like the idea of another male romance and that's all they need to be mad.) I don't agree that our suggestions are against his character at all. He already flirts with the MC, we just want to flirt back. The option to kiss him would go well with his plans actually, if he notices Tav's/Durge's interest is another tool to get them to take his deal. Romance-specific camp scenes with him would be more work and are not a must-have in the main game but how those camp scenes would look like - manipulative, cruel even, or a little more fond (he shows all those sides with us during the game) - would be up to Larian if they'd decide to make them. In any case: How much affection Raphael would or wouldn't feel for the MC and how much of it would only be a method to get what he wants would be free for interpretation (as it is right now already too). Visiting the HoH when not betraying him and talking there peacefully with him should be in the game already, actually. Exactly like the option to spare him after the fight with him should we so decide and his help during the last battle. That's not a weird or outgoing request, that's just things that should be possible actions/developments and belong in the game, in my opinion. Long message short: I don't understand the hassle at all. But it's twitter after all and, it seems to me that most of its users are only happy if they can pointlessly yell about something and hunt shadows. I, for my part, block them and continue to have fun with the content and characters I enjoy and also continue to hope Larian read the letter and considers the points in there they find fitting.

[spacelazarwolf]

How do you feel about gun control and school shootings? What do you think the answer is to get them to stop?

i mean i don’t feel positively abt school shootings obviously. i worked in a middle school for 2 years and still feel sick when i think abt how a kid came up to me asking me to sign a petition against the school not letting the kids have their phones in their bags, and his concern was that there would be a school shooting and he wouldn’t have a chance to say goodbye and tell his mom he loved her one last time. i don’t think there’s any way to come away from that kind of interaction and still not see how traumatized our kids are. school shootings were a thing when i was in school, my school was almost hit by one, but they weren’t as frequent as they are now. i remember being shocked by sandy hook and everyone around me being so upset, but now i just hear about shooting after shooting usually the next day like it’s nothing.

in terms of guns, i think they are necessary for some communities for hunting, and recreational shooting sports can be done at designated ranges, but there’s really not a reason for a random citizen to own and store an ar-15 in their home, especially if they aren’t following safety protocols, aren’t getting it registered, aren’t keeping up with their training classes, etc. gun ownership can be responsible, and tbh if you go out into the sticks you’ll find that gun safety is emphasized as a major priority. like when i was growing up and took shooting sports, we weren’t allowed to hold a gun with bullets in it until our instructor was sure we understood the gravity of what a gun can do, that we understood the safety protocols, and how serious it was to pull the trigger, even if you’re just shooting at a target.

in terms of what to do or how to implement gun control, i have no clue. the us has so heavily politicized and fetishized guns and weapons and violence that i really have no idea where to even start with the cultural deprogramming. it’s probably going to take multiple generations.

[fipindustries]

I meant to respond to your ask privately, I guess because of spoilers + I wasn't sure if it was meant to be public. But I posted it publicly by accident, oops. I've deleted the post, so here's the response again as a new ask.

-----

Unfortunately (?), I really can't give you much to go on here. I basically don't visualize my characters at all!

I do visualize locations, just not people. I have a clear picture in my head of what 27's bedroom in Michael's crash looks like, but 27 herself is a blank in my head.

(I'm so used to doing this that I don't think I realized the extent of it until I tried to answer this ask. Although there was a time a while back when you and celestialmechanic both posted some fanart, and I didn't have a strong feeling about whether most of it looked "right" or "wrong.")

I do describe my characters on the page sometimes -- like you do -- so really the best I can do is to quote some of that "canon" material.

----

Keep in mind -- 11, 25 and 27 all changed their appearances when they left Michael's crash, so they will look different depending on which point in the story we are seeing them.

(17 chose to look the same way outside and inside, as she mentions in Chapter 34. This implies that the others didn't do this, but only in 11's case do we learn anything about the actual change in appearance).

All the Annes inside Michael's crash look like the same person, or like identical twins. After their departure, 11 and 25 and 27 no longer look like that person.

Anyway, here is what little we've learned from the text, which is also the extent of my own knowledge:

The Annes in Michael's crash have dark hair. (From chapter 3, "This new woman’s hair was dark like her own")

11

After her exit from Michael's crash, Eleven looks like "a girl, mid-teens probably" according to Jodie in ch. 25.

I think Jodie is low-balling it here -- Eleven gives off an intense aura of youth and freshness (which is what she wanted out of her post-escape appearance), but realistically looks more like 18, like a young college student.

Inspecting her body after her escape (chapter 34), Eleven describes herself as "petite," and "young, small, sleek, eye-catching," with "sleek, dainty fingers, ending in the glinting pearls of the nails."

17

From Chapter 33: "tangled, knotted hair, slick with sweat near the roots ... hands, rife with scar tissue ... have bad posture, I don’t like taking showers."

In Michael's crash, she has that scar tissue as a result of her experiments with "the aux knife" and similar implements. It's not clear whether or not she would have similar scars later on, during her time with Hector.

During her time with Hector, she starts wearing what she calls her "veil" (ch 34), a magical illusion obscuring her face, covering it with animated black "scribbles" and a very wide Cheshire Cat grin. (It's described in the Sibelius scene in Ch 21.) I picture this as looking like the kind of thing you'd see in one of the Madoka witch worlds. She wears this "veil" most of the time (as she tells us in ch 34, she eventually even stops taking it off during sex).

During this time, she also takes to wearing "impossible clothing [...] Escher necklaces, Lovecraft dresses."

In the Sibelius scene, she wears a "frilly black [lace] dress ... dramatic, eye-catching, a bit much. But pretty, too."

25

After her escape, she is "a small person, short and slim" (chapter 27), with "short messy hair" (chapters 24 and 27).

She wears "quirky," eye-catching clothing. From Chapter 19:

She wore her white dress, the one that was originally white, anyway.  The dress was torn in places, near the shoulders and around the hem.  When Moon’s clothes tore, she would carefully extend the damage with scissors, creating some new design, jagged but purposeful.  He had never seen her fully give up on an article of clothing, though it must have happened.

And chapter 27:

an orange t-shirt, a yellow pencil skirt, a black bowler hat atop a mop of short, messy hair [...]

this ratty orange t-shirt, with an energy-drink logo printed on it in black, and stark block letters below it spelling out GAMER BURST

She carries her body in an unusual way, as described in Ch 19:

Her posture never failed to intrigue.  Moon seemed to abhor simple forms and right angles — aesthetically, physiologically, morally, or all three.  She folded herself into any available space, and stood or sat with a jaunty tilt whenever balance permitted it.  On her last visit, she had perched on the kitchen counter like a gargoyle.  This time she merely reclined against it, but in her own way, one leg bent to rest on the drawers, the other flat on the floor, one arm reaching way out with its fingers idly drumming the counter surface, the other up in her hair where it pulled at some knot or itch.

27

The text has very little to say about Twenty-Seven's appearance -- before or after her escape -- and likewise, I have no clear image of her.

Relative to the other post-escape Annes, I picture her as being somewhat taller, more "normal"-looking / not deliberately weird, more sober in affect. Big-sisterly, basically, as befits her role in the group.

In Chapter 39, it's stated that her official outfit on Stein's rock involves both the Wolf Squadron camo-print fatigues and the Blackhat trilby + vape pen. It might be amusing to depict her this way, but then again, it's also stated that she rarely actually wears this stuff in practice.

here are the prompts for the character designs if anyone is curious

[johnnyrobish]

Texas Atty. Gen Paxton Threatens Hospitals, Doctors, and Woman With Pregnancy Complications

Not long after Texas Judge Maya Guerra Gamble issued a temporary restraining order (TRO) barring the state of Texas from preventing a woman who has severe pregnancy complications from having an abortion, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton sent out threatening letters to Texas hospitals informing them that the TRO is temporary and that Texas will go after any hospital or doctor that provides pregnant Katie Cox with the necessary abortion. He then petitioned the conservative Texas Supreme Court, who then (as expected) overruled the lower court’s decision, thereby placing the woman’s abortion status in limbo.  The fetus Katie Cox is carrying suffers from Edwards Syndrome, a fetal anomaly that, 50% of the time, results in the fetus dying before or during birth, with 95 percent of those surviving past that dying painful deaths within the next two weeks.  Doctors have advised Cox the pregnancy is non-viable, and proceeding with it carries significant risks to her own future health.

So, it appears both a doctor and a judge approve of her urgent need to get an abortion, but the Texas Taliban does not.  Gee, what fun it must be to live in a state governed by religious fanatics.  All I can say is - its a damn shame Time Magazine doesn’t also do a “Jerk of the Year” award.  Why Kenny Paxton would be a shoo-in.  That said, I fully understand why this whole abortion issue is so important to Republicans.  After all, if you’re a Republican, every fetus that gets aborted represents a child who will never get to own a gun.  Can’t have that.

Is it just me, or does it just seem like yesterday when MAGAs were warning everyone about the dangers of “Sharia Law?”  And yet here it is - right here in Texas - same thing - courtesy of Texas Republicans.  Christian Nationalism implementing their own special brand of “Sharia Law.”  Fact is, Republicans think the slogan, “My Body, My Choice,” should only apply to ”anti-vax" freaks, and everyone else had better just “shut the f**k up and do what we tell you.”

Now, am I the only one who thinks it rather ironic these Christofascists passed an infamous “Heartbeat Law” in Texas when not a single one of them appears to have something even close to anything resembling a human heart?  I mean, a woman’s doctor who argued her health would be at risk if she carried this fetus to fruition has been overruled by a religious zealot named Ken Paxton, who is under the mistaken impression that he is not only a lawyer, but also a doctor - and a “human being.”

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

[felassan]

For MELE PC gamers who are interested in mods for gay romance, this article is a detailed look at where the MELE modding community is currently at on this front (sounds promising). (Cut for length)

Mass Effect Modders Are Using Official Audio To Restore Gay Romances For Jack, Thane, Tali, And More

Modders have unearthed official, unused dialogue for seven same-sex romances in Mass Effect 2.

Four months ago, we published a story about how Mass Effect 2’s Jack was originally supposed to be pansexual, but her romance arc was made exclusive for Male Shepard due to fear of backlash from Fox News. Shortly afterwards, it was discovered that a “Brokeback Mountain” cutscene had also been animated for Jacob and Male Shep, but was cut from the final product for similar reasons. Both of these revelations hit the Mass Effect community hard, with countless fans all over the world being disappointed by the decision to remove same-sex romances from Mass Effect 2 in particular.

As it turns out, dialogue exists in the Mass Effect Legendary Edition game files pertaining to same-sex romances for both Jack and Jacob, as well as Kaidan, Ashley, Miranda, Thane, and Tali - and it looks like modders are going to use it to restore these romances in full.

“There’s dialogue present for all of these characters, yes, but I should point out two things that are very important,” Ryan ‘Audemus’ Ainsworth tells me. Ainsworth helps manage the largest Mass Effect modding community in the world, and is individually renowned for creating the A Lot Of Videos mod, which upscales every cutscene in the trilogy to 4K resolution.

“The first thing is that just because this audio is present doesn’t necessarily mean the character was intended to have a same-sex romance,” Ainsworth explains. “A lot of the time this audio gets recorded accidentally just due to the sheer volume of lines that Mark Meer/Jennifer Hale [the voices behind Shepard] had to record - it’s very easy for certain things to slip under the radar.”

Ainsworth says that the organization appears to get better with each subsequent game in the trilogy, meaning that there’s much more unused audio early on in the series. In the first game, for example, modders have dug up Mark Meer saying, “You’re interested in me? Even though we’re both women?” The point is, we have confirmation from Jack’s writer that she was originally pansexual, but just because there are audio snippets of Tali and FemShep flirting doesn’t mean the romance was consciously cut - it could have just came about from recording lots of different scenarios for each character during development. Still, it’s there to play around with if you know your way around the fan-built Mass Effect modding tool set.

Ainsworth also explains that the dialogue in the game files is present to varying degrees. For Ashley and Kaidan’s romances in the first game, everything is there, which makes the fact that Kaidan is a gay romance option two games later a bit strange - and the fact that Ashley isn’t even stranger. By the time Mass Effect 2 comes around, the romances for Thane, Jack, Miranda, Jacob, and Tali only have the dialogue for the first romance encounter - the kiss with Miranda, the initial “Siha” conversation with Thane, and Jack’s one night stand. The audio for the final romance scene with these characters does not appear to exist in the files, meaning it may never have been recorded. Still, Ainsworth sent me footage of the FemShep/Miranda romance mod from the original trilogy, where the section from 32:45 to 33:20 uses official audio found in the game files as part of the restored romance. The next scene, however, uses a technique called FOVO to generate audio/lip sync patterns from other conversations in the game.

“This was the only way to do it for Mass Effect 2 because we couldn’t add new audio,” Ainsworth says. “For Legendary Edition’s version of the mods, we can be a lot more creative with how we implement new dialogue for these scenes since we can add new audio.”

This new opportunity comes from the fact that the games have updated the Wwise audio engine to a newer version. Without getting too into technical speak, this means that the audio engine used in Legendary Edition’s versions of Mass Effect 2 and 3 allows for much better audio-related modding than ever before. For the original trilogy, Mass Effect 3 was already pretty limited in this capacity, whereas Mass Effect 2 had pretty much no modding potential for audio-related projects whatsoever. Fortunately for us, that’s changed.

All in all, this means the Mass Effect modding community is now fully able to take those official, unused game files and build full-fledged same-sex romances for Kaidan, Ashley, Jacob, Jack, Miranda, Thane, and Tali out of them. In all of these instances, at least the first romance scene will use audio that was actually recorded by Mark Meer or Jennifer Hale during development. Where necessary - for Thane and Tali, for example - modders will handle the rest of the work using the new audio functionality, but for the most part, these romances are based on legitimate assets that can still be found in the game files in Legendary Edition.

“I think the lack of LGBT representation in the Mass Effect trilogy is quite disappointing,” Ainsworth says. “Especially since, for example, you can’t get the full Paramour achievement in Legendary Edition if you play a strictly gay male Shepard. I know there are petitions to get BioWare to add in those romances for Mass Effect 2 and Kaidan’s gay romance in [the first] Mass Effect, and while it’s a shame that it doesn’t look like that’s going to end up happening, I can say that with our improved Mass Effect 2 audio modding potential, plus the fact that all of the unused same-sex romance voiceover is still present in Legendary Edition’s files, these mods are not just on the table - they’re pretty much certain to be made.

“So PC Gaymers can rejoice (that was a terrible joke, don’t print that lmao). Off the top of my head, these would be for Kaidan, Ashley, Jacob, Jack, Miranda, Thane and Tali. For some of them there isn’t enough in the files to fully restore, but we can be very clever with reusing/splicing existing lines to fill in the blanks.” [source]

[glitxhwayventeen]

The Lost One

Junhui

Characters: Junhui x female reader

Warnings: Name-calling, self doubt, low self esteem, anxiety, homesickness, mentions of wounds, mentions of fighting, implement of wanted violence, a kissing seen, I dont know anymore off the top of my head but if you think of any let me know!

Author’s Note: Sorry it’s so late guys I started a new medication and I’ve honestly just been going through the motions. This hasn’t been proof read but I’ll look over it soon and fix spelling mistakes, dialogue, and the ending scene a bit more.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

☁️ and 🥀

Paved With Good Intentions Masterlist

The Lost One: Part 1

Bold- Korean Dialogue Italics- Thoughts Red- Mandarin

Tag List- @babyminghao

“Way to go dumbass! You ran like a little bitch before you even told her your name and now she thinks you hate her!” Jee scolded Junhui as he sat at his desk chair and groaned into his palms, already very over the entire situation and the sheer embarrassment that he called his life.

“It’s not like I planned it to go down like that Jee!” Jun quipped with a bit of annoyance lacing his tone. He REALLY didn’t need her to lecture him on how much he had just fucked things up in that moment.

But he wasn’t lying to her. He hadn’t planned on leaving you there hanging out high and dry. In fact, he had planned and thought out a whole scenario of what he’d do when he’d met you for real.

He was gonna go up to you, shake your hand, and make some cheesy joke about how you’d both just found your soul mate to break the ice. Then when he’d later reveal the werewolf bomb to you, you’d realize he was being literally and you’d both have a laugh about it.

Clearly that didn’t happen as he was now at home internally, and partially externally to be honest, freaking out because he ran away from you before he had even introduced himself. But he just wasn’t sure what else to do at the time.

When he had finally saw you standing there for the first time, he couldn’t help but run away in fear. He looked up and met your gaze and knew immediately: you were his soulmate.

You were the one he was supposed to spend the rest of his forever with. You were the one who he would love unconditionally till the day he died because his instincts and the universe decided so long ago.

And you were the most beautiful thing he had seen in his entire life. If he wasn’t drawn in by your silky hair or your petite frame, he would’ve been drawn to you by the lull of your soothing voice.

A voice so enchanting and haunting it would make the god’s cry. But if that wouldn’t have been enough, you accidentally getting vocally excitement at having found a word you understood in the conversation would’ve set him over the edge.

He was just too stunned stunned to say it all when it all went down.

He found his mate after he had to play guard dog for his sister. He had originally won Rock Paper Scissors with Jihoon and he still somehow got talked into going in the younger boy’s stead.

That’s the only reason he met you. Not that he was complaining now, but at the time, he was definitely less than enthused. Which was something he now also felt guilty about. How could he have ever been so unhappy about going when he got to meet the one person on the entire planet who could always make him happy?

But he was usually just the weird funny brother. He had never been taken seriously by his pack before.

He didnt have a romantic bone in his body, unlike Seokmin who would no doubt make every date magical for his mate.

He definitely wasn’t charming like Joshua could be around people. He surely didn’t have a cool and maintained outward appearance like Hansol or Hao had. Nor did he have a mysterious element to him like Jihoon or Wonwoo did to keep people guessing.

He couldn’t be a monster in bed like Soonyoung. He wasn’t nearly as desirable as Mingyu was. Or as strong as Seungcheol proved to be or as creative as everyone could see Channie visibly was.

He didn’t have drive and passions that Seungkwan had that drew people to him. And he for fucking sure didn’t have the brain of someone as smart as Jeonghan.

He was just Jun. The guy everyone always seemed to forget about. The one people said didn’t know when to pick and choose his moments. The boy who made inappropriate and confusing jokes that made others around him’s heads hurt. People never wanted to get to know him or his inner most thoughts and feelings.

Hell, in his mind, in Korea the only interesting thing that people cared about him about for was that he was Chinese. But you were Chinese too, so you wouldn’t have cared about that.

When he ever imagined meeting you previously, he pictured you loving him for him. He thought you’d already know when he was wanting to joke around and when he was wanting to be serious. He’d hoped you’d ask him his opinions when you’d spout yours and that you’d always look for him in crowds instead of losing him. He wanted you to see him as something he had never seen himself as.

But in the context he had met you in, he figured once you saw his goofy self or heard him awkwardly speak just once because of how flustered he was at your presence, you’d laugh at him.

Just like Cherry did during his first meeting with his alpha’s mate. He accidentally smacked Joshua in the face with his spatula when he tried to make himself an egg and got scared and she had walked in during the aftermath. Since then, Cherry must’ve only ever saw him as a clumsy oaf who couldn’t do anything right.

Or when Ani did whenever he first walked into the room when he met her. He fell down because the rug had been sticking up a little too high. She still seemed to expect him to make her laugh whenever he walked into a room because he was nothing but a joke.

And there was also the time when Omi and San laughed at him for almost an hour straight when he had once managed to get his head stuck between the bannister slats when he had his proper first encounter with them. Jun always thought that Omi treated him like the idiot kid he always prayed he wouldn’t be.

He wanted you to see him as someone worthy of being loved, not someone only worthy of laughs.

So he got scared. Could anyone really blame him? He was painfully shy naturally, but when you threw in the fact that his entire life was basically a sitcom where his character wasn’t even the lead role, his brain knew that it was only a matter of time before you thought the same way.

He was just too frazzled and too scared to greet you well. He wished he had been different for you. But the truth was, he had always tried to be different. And look where it got him.

He was still nothing. He was still no one. He never would be and never could be. He was just himself and there wasn’t a damn thing he could seem to do about it, even for you.

“So what are you gonna do to fix it?? She’s gonna be my roommate now and even if you don’t want a mate at the moment, she’ll still be around!” Jee huffed as she sat herself on Jun’s unmade bed, “I don’t plan on giving up my apartment anytime soon because I’m not living in a house with 13 boys and a bunch of girls. That’s basically a frat and i didn’t sign on for that! I need her and her money to keep it so you gotta get over yourself.”

And almost as if on cue, Jeonghan popped his head through the door and situated himself against the doorframe, “Hey frat houses can be fun too you know.” He chuckled.

“For YOU maybe. But IIIIII like my space. And now I’m gonna be sharing that space with a very confused and emotional Chinese girl who has no idea why one of my ‘friends’ hates her.” Jee declared with an emphasis as she rolled her eyes at both the males.

Jeonghan crossed his arms with a chuckle and set his attention to Jun, “So what ARE you gonna do knucklehead?”

At the moment, the wolf who newly imprinted could only give one answer, one he knew that they wouldn’t like, “I-I’m honestly not sure Hyung.”

-

You managed to sneak your way out of your newly shared apartment before the Korean girl you had been paired with woke up.

She was kind to you when she brought you through the door and gave you a grand tour. She even let you pet her cat that she seemed to be incredibly protective of, which you were grateful for as petting the small animal seemed to put your mind at ease a bit.

But you got a sense of guilt that was just radiating off her in waves over the incident that happened with her friend.

The whole thing was a complete shit show and, even though you found the boy a bit weird in his mannerisms and thought he was a bit goofy acting/looking, you had actually thought he was kinda cute before he ran out on you without saying a word.

You didn’t understand why he did it. You didn’t think you were the prettiest girl in the world sure, but you definitely didn’t think you were worth hiding from. It hurt your pride a bit, something that didn’t happen too often because you refused to let yourself feel too much.

It was also something that the two others around you at the time managed to catch on to as they began shifting in place rather uncomfortably. Jee tried to act as if everything was normal, but it was clearly not.

After, you really just prayed that you didn’t have any classes with the boy who pushed past you and ran for the hills.

That’s how you now found yourself walking to school with a deep dread creeping in your stomach, worried that you would somehow see Junhui during your time on campus.

Almost as if the world liked seeing you swallowed whole, you heard a familiar male voice in the coming distance.

“_____! Hey! Wait up!” Called the voice.

Shit.

You scurried your little feet as fast as they could carry you towards the main library entrance and partially up it’s stairs in the hopes of avoiding an awkward confrontation.

But alas, it seemed fate decided to be a bitch to you for no reason other than to humiliate you further today as the chinese boy behind you managed to get himself within grabbing distance of you.

“Hey _____!” He exclaimed as he took your rather small wrist in his large hands causing you to turn around to face him fully with a glare.

He quickly retracted his hand back to his own body before scratching the back of his head uncomfortably, “Sorry! I tried to get your attention first. I- I was calling for you, but I guess I must not have been loud enough to get your attention.” Jun gingerly explained with sorrowed eyes.

God you hated how pretty he looked. And you hated even more that he seemed to act like yesterday didn’t happen and that you had actually had a real introduction with him.

“No, I heard you.” You told him flatly and coldly, “I just didn’t care to stop.”

You could see the sadness in his eyes gain in size while he took a discomforted gulp that must have been visible even to passerbyers.

“O- Okay… I… probably deserved that…” He admitted with a sheepish grin, trying to hide how much your harsh tone truly dug into his fragile heart, “I was- well I was actually wanting to speak with you about… what happened.”

“What do you mean?” You figured playing dumb gave you your best chances to get him to leave you alone faster. Or at very least make him feel as bad as he had made you feel.

“You mean you… don’t remember what happened yesterday?” He asked slowly, a slight glint of what you could only call hope appearing behind his eyes.

“You mean you when you completely blew me off and walked away rudely when your friends tried to politely introduce us? No, I still remember it. I just don’t care.” You snapped at him in Mandarin, causing him to semi-shrink back into his giant shoes.

Jun cleared his throat quietly, “I- I know you must be upset with me over it but I wanted to-” He tried before you swiftly cut him off.

“Look, you seem like an asshole. Or maybe just an idiot. I’m not sure which and I don’t care enough to find out.” You declared with sass, preparing to completely make him wish he had never stopped to speak to you, “I don’t have to. I’m just rooming with your friend for the semester. It’s not like we have to be best friends just because we’re one of the handful of Chinese students in a Korean college.”

Sure you wished you’d make friends you could fully understand without fail, but some guy who literally ran away from you at first glance didn’t have to be one of them. You could make friends that weren’t Chinese. You just had to work on your Korean some more.

“But fact of the matter is we really only have two options here. Option one is where we both try to get along and put on smiling faces for your friend Jee’s sake. Option two is where you stay out of my way and I stay out of your way so we see each other as little as possible. I’m leaning towards option two.” You finished confidently, leaving the tall boy in front of you dumbfounded while standing a few steps below you.

“B-But that’s what I’m talking about. We’re gonna end up having to see each other quite a lot since you live with Jee and she’s my s-” He stuttered for a moment, you figured it was because you had taken him off guard by being so blunt and emotionless about the whole situation, “She’s my friend, one of my very best friends. And I’ll probably be around a lot because of it and you’ll have no way of avoiding me because you live with her. So we should probably just-” You stopped him him dead in his tracks once again.

“Then I’ll find somewhere else to stay. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a lot of homework to catch up on.” You rolled your eyes, gripping the books in your hand a bit tighter, and starting to turn yourself around before he caught your elbow in his grasp.

“But I-” He attempted to talk with what little voice he had left, but you were really over him and the whole conversation in itself.

You had classes to start preparing for and he clearly was not someone you wanted to actually be around if you could help it. You didn’t deal with people like him back home, so you sure as hell weren’t going to start dealing with them now.

“But I- nothing!” You all but growled at him as you ripped your arm away from him in defiance, “Maybe I wasn’t clear enough for you so let me spell it out. You’re here because Jee sent you to apologize, to make nice, or because you like creating drama. No matter the case, you aren’t my problem. I won’t put up with it. So you need to just leave me alone!” You shouted at him, causing your fellow students to turn around and gawk at you both.

Great. Just what you needed: to be even more of an outcast then you undoubtedly already were as a foreigner struggling with their native language.

You hurriedly moved away from Jun and finished your way up to the library building’s stairs without sparing him a second glance.

Though, you could’ve sworn you saw his eyes begin to water in the reflection of the glass doors in front of you as you pushed open the entrance to the building.

And, even though you hated to even think it a possibility, it felt like part of you died inside a little when you realize just how much you could’ve hurt his feelings.

-

You had been at the library for so long that the sun had completely gone down and the full moon was now shining brightly in the dead center of the sky.

All the main lights that were once annoyingly buzzing while on, were now off and all the other students that had once been packed into all the chairs like sardines had gone home.

The librarian, a nice woman who had quickly recognized that your abysmal Korean had a Mandarin based accent behind it, had also gone home.

But she was kind enough to lock all the outside doors so no one else could get in with you still knowingly inside. Which made it to where only people who were already inside the building could open the doors without a key.

She told you that she didn’t mind you staying behind to catch up on your work as she knew the struggles of being new in a foreign land. She turned out to be from Jilian.

You actually found a bit of a friend in her as, knowing full well your Korean wasn’t up to par enough to read such complex vocabulary just yet, she brought you out some of your student textbooks that were printed in Mandarin rather than standard Hangul you would’ve struggled to read.

You were a bit sad that she had to leave as she did manage to bring a warming comfort to your now aching heart.

As hard as it was for you in Shenzhen, it was still your home and being so far away from people who could understand you with ease made you quite homesick. It made you feel lonely already, even though you hadn’t been in Korea for more than two days.

She did promise you that you could come by to see her when she was working any time and that, with a little luck, she might also be able to get you a part time job as her assistance to earn some money on the side, something that would very much help you out if you actually had to move out of your current place due to the issues you were having.

Now, it was so quiet you thought you might actually be able to hear a pin drop on the floor. You didn’t like being alone all that much to begin with, but the library at your new university was huge and everything seemed to echo and make noise.

Which of course gave you various jump scares that made your pulse race out of your chest. Still, you decided to stay as long as you could to catch up on some much needed studying.

Though it seemed that you just found yourself reading the same book’s page over and over again in the hopes of actually retaining the information printed. You had a stack of books sat up on the table nearly as tall as yourself that you needed to get somewhat through before you started your classes tomorrow.

But you couldn’t even get past the first one. You just couldn’t get Jun out of your head.

You couldn’t get his sad expressions and worried tones of voice out of your train of thoughts. And everytime you closed your eyes to blind, you could see his face still looking at you through the glass of the library doors.

You felt bad. You didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Even if you did think he was kind of a dickhead. You weren’t someone that could ever make others sad on purpose and still be able to sleep soundly at night. And based on how your meeting with him went, you definitely upset Jun.

Damn it. Why did you always have to be the bigger (theoretically of course) and kinder person?

You smacked the book you were attempting to read closed and started putting the scattered notes you had scribbled down into your shoulder bag, swinging it back on so you could leave.

Figuring, since you didn’t have his address or phone number, you could arrange something with Jee. You were going to just go back home and explain to her what happened in the hopes that she’d be able to at least express to the lanky boy that you didn’t mean to snap at him, even if he was a jackass.

In your mind at the time, he deserved it. But No one deserves to get yelled at and be humiliated like that in public.

As you made your way out the front door and tugged the handle once more for good measure to be sure that it was in fact locked, you heard a low growl of an animal behind you.

You turned and found yourself face to face with a giant doglike creature with brown fur streaked in a deep auburn shade. It had it’s razor sharp teeth bared to you and it’s near pitch black eyes were looking at you menacingly while it emitted a loud snarling sound from it’s chest.

At first, you wanted to run as fast and as far away as you possibly could to get away. But you figured with how big the thing was, there was no way you could outrun it. It could catch you instantly.

Then your natural instinct was to want to scream. But when you attempted to, no sound would come out of your throat. Almost as if your body knew it would only cause it to get angrier with you.

And you definitely knew you couldn’t fight the thing. It was too big and broad for you to be able to even give it a scratch without it tearing you to pieces the second you moved a muscle. Your body seemed to just freeze it place, having accepted it’s terrible fate without actually talking to your brain first.

The wolf began slowly pacing towards you in a ready to pounce stance, causing you to back up on reflex and hit your back against the glass doors you had recently just locked. It had managed to get so close to you, you could feel the moist exhale from its nose hit your face.

It’s dark as night eyes seemed to shift to a deep crimson color and you just knew: you were done for.

You were going to die and there wasn’t a single thing you could do about it. You couldn’t help but close your eyes in what you thought were your final moments, too scared to even face the voracious creature as it ended you.

Though just as the growl seemed to get it’s most menacing, you heard another distant snarl that made your eyes pop back open to find the origin of the sound. Your gaze landed on a very angry, very standoffish looking Jun.

At first, you thought that he was just fucking with you or that maybe he had been trying to distract the giant dog like thing away from you.

But as he started getting closer to you, you could tell his fists were clasped shut tightly and that his jaw was clenched so hard you thought his teeth would break.

He didn’t look worried for you, he looked… pissed off. His nostrils were flaring, his muscles were tensed, and you could’ve sworn that his eyes were almost the same scarlet color as the beast’s…

The animal that had once been facing and turning its fury at you had now turned its attention towards Jun, almost as if it refused to keep it’s back to him.

As the taller boy got closer, the giant mutt started to take steps back and it’s once terrifying tone began to change to one that reminded you of a wounded animal. Yet it kept its tough poker face and it seemed to be standing it’s ground in wanting to attack you at the same time, which just confused you even more.

It wasn’t until Jun managed to place himself between you and the wild animal that you realized he was showing his teeth and lowly growling at it in return.

“Get away from her.” Jun seethed as he extended his fingers to reveal some very long, very sharp claw-like appendages you had never seen outside of horror or sci-fi movies.

This caused the wilderbeast in front of you to snap and charge at him, making you wince in anticipation of the horrible event you figured was going to take place once it’s mighty jaws clamped onto his very thin and lanky body.

But it never came. Instead, you witnessed the boy who you had basically told to fuck off earlier jump midair, morphing into a similar beast to the one that had previously threatened to attack you.

The newly primal Jun landed his paws on top of the other animal, causing both of them to tumble down the stairs in one giant furry jumble.

“_____!” Another familiar male voice called, forcing you to look away from the fight in front of you to find its source.

You were met with a very frantic Minghao carrying a very worried Jee on the back of a fairly decent looking motorcycle.

The bike sped up from the street and stopped on the sidewalk next to the school library’s staircase, “_____! Hop on, we have to go!” Jee spoke in a hurry while Minghao pushed himself off the two wheeled vehicle and handed her the helmet he had been wearing.

Her voice seemed to shake you out of your state of shock just enough for you to regain some semblance of sense, “B-but what about Jun he-” You started in broken Korean before you saw Minghao change into the same animal that the tall boy had only moments before and watched as he joined his friend in the fight.

From the corner of your eye, you saw what you could make out as two more beasts start to rush to his aide as well, one with gold like fur, the other with patches of black adorned on it’s reddish brown colored body.

“He’ll be fine, the boys have his back trust me!” Jee practically screamed at you as she got up from her stationed seat and ushered your statued body onto the bike, “But we might not be if we stay here so we have to go now!” She continued, strapping Minghao’s helmet onto your head and connecting your hands in front of her stomach as she started to rev the motorcycle and drove off, leaving the giant dogs fighting behind in the distance.

You should’ve been scared for yourself. And maybe even a small part of you was.

Though as Jee started to drive the both of you away from the battle that was no doubt taking place back at the library staircase from the sound of the snapping and growling you heard, you couldn’t help but care more about Jun’s safety than your own.

The rational part of you couldn’t quite grasp why you seemed to worry more about a boy you only hours ago hated more than yourself. But that rational part of you wasn’t nearly as strong as whatever strange worrying and concerning ache you felt in your heart.

-

“Jee!” Jeonghan exclaimed as he passed his younger brothers while making his way back through the front door with Minghao, Chan, and Jun and ran to his mate, “Fuck, thank god you’re okay. You know that I hate it when you’re involved with wolf stuff.” Jun could semi-hear him say through his dulled senses as he watched his brother give his newest sister a bone crushing hug.

“Yeah I know, but she probably wouldn’t have trusted anyone but me or Minghao and we figured he had to fight. So that left me. I’m fine…” She shushed him and kissed his cheek to calm him down.

Jun could sense something was… off with you the second you left him standing there after you went to the library. When he called and told his alpha, Cheol told him that it was probably just nothing and he convinced him to go back to the house.

And for a little while, the feeling subsided. But about an hour or two after the library closed, his heart started to pump fast and hard like nobody’s business and he got a gut wrenching feeling.

He told his pack what was happening and that he didn’t care if anyone of them followed him or not, but that he had to find you because he felt like you were in danger.

And then he rushed out of the house and followed the imprinting pull back to the library where he found you face to face with the most gigantic werewolf he had ever seen looking absolutely petrified.

He knew he hadn’t seen that particular wolf form before immediately. His pack was friends with the few other packs that were close to them and not one of them looked like the wolf in front of you when they phased. He thought maybe for a split second it’s smell might have been familiar, but he didn’t have much time to register it as it started to bare its pointed fangs at you.

The moment he saw the wolf, he figured based on the aura he gave off to be an alpha, in hunting mode, he went into protective mode and jumped in to save you. Whether you liked him or not, you were still his mate. And he’d do anything to keep you safe.

Junhui was never really a fighter. He figured the chances of him winning against such an aggressive alpha when he wasn’t skilled in combat was slim to none.

But he sure as hell had a better chance at taking him on than you did. He was really just lucky his brothers showed up when they did or he probably wouldn’t have made it out of the fight in one piece.

Jeonghan and Chan followed the Chinese boy because they knew what it was like to be worried about your mate and wanted to help. Minghao went because he already considered you a fast friend and a dear sister and couldn’t stand the thought of something bad happening to you. And Jee went to be sure you’d trust the boys enough to leave whatever situation you’d end up being in.

When the few from his pack joined in, it made the fight much more fair. Sure the boys were all banged up with some bumps and bruises because the unknown large wolf put up one hell of a fight, but they all made it out alive. Sadly, the foreign wolf did too.

He was a skilled fighter and was able to take on the four of them with total ease. He seemed to almost know every move they would make before they made it, something that frightened Junhui to his core. In the aftermath and once the scrapping ceased, the only thing he cared about was getting back to the house and making sure you were okay. They’d have to deal with the stranger another day. But for now, you were his top priority.

“So how is she?” Chan asked as he wiped some dried blood off his lip and went to hug his own little family that had stayed up late impatiently sitting on the couch waiting for him to get back from the fight.

Jun could blurrily see Jee pull away from his older brother and look around at them all with a concerned look.

He didn’t really understand why everything sounded so different now. He recalled a time when Seungcheol talked about how when he imprinted, it felt like the world had almost shifted so that Cherry was the only thing keeping him on Earth and that everything else came second. He had said that if he wasn’t around her it almost felt like he was just wandering around lost no matter what he was doing. Jun figured that was just Cheol over exaggerating or maybe even rubbing everyone’s nose in the fact that he had a mate at the time and no one else did.

But it made Jun wonder if the feeling of motionlessness was what his alpha was talking about. Without you around, he just felt so… empty.

“Well… _____… She…. Umm-” Jee drug on and tried her best to show a confident smile, though it looked more like she was in some serious pain or discomfort.

“She’s locked herself in the bathroom and has been refusing to come out.” Omi interrupted with a shake of her head as she bounced over to the Pup of the pack’s lap and snuggled herself into his neck, “We think she’s in shock.”

“You might want to talk to her hyung. She hasn’t said much that’s made sense that we could hear well through the sobs. And you know my Chinese isn’t all that great, but I think _____ keeps asking if you’re okay?” Soonyoung said with a questioning tone while playing blocks with a jittery San on the floor so Chan and Omi could have their little reunion in peace.

Soonyoung’s words and mention of your name and of your current state seemed to break Jun out of his daze just in time for everyone in the living room to give him an expectant look.

With a small confirming nod, he made his way down the hall to one of their smaller downstairs bathrooms. As he got closer, he recognized the sound of your sniffles, something that made his inner wolf want to whine loudly at. But he couldn’t focus on him and what he wanted right now. He had to focus on you.

So he gave three small knocks with the back of his knuckles to the back of the door before he spoke, “_____? It’s Junhui.” He whispered softly in your native Mandarin.

He heard some tiny movement along with a few small clicks that made him move back so the door could open. When you unlocked the knob and cracked the door, Jun saw your puffy mascara stained face as you stared up at him with widened watery eyes.

Seeing you so upset hurt him more than he could ever express in words, but he couldn’t just pull you in for a hug and kiss you all better. Not after everything that’s happened. You two weren’t mated or even dating yet.

As much as it killed his primal instincts, he had to take things slowly to not scare you away. He just hoped you weren’t already too freaked out to even talk to him.

“Can-” He cleared his throat slightly to regain some of his composure, “Can I come in?”

You gave him a tiny nod before you moved yourself away from the door, allowing him room to sneak by the wood and through to the bathroom to face you. You quickly flew back to the door and hurriedly shut it while locking it with a loud clicking sound.

To say you were in shock was a bit of an understatement. You couldn’t wrap your brain around what had happened only a little bit ago. Truthfully, you had been trying to convince yourself it was all a dream. But the second you saw Jun’s scratched and scathed face, that hope of it being a dream became dust.

You rested the palms of your hands and the top of your forehead against the door in an attempt to wind yourself down from the utter panic that was still coursing through your veins.

“_____?” You heard Jun ask from behind you, causing you to flinch. You heard a small whimper that made you finally fully face him.

You took in his beaten up appearance. His cheekbone has a long scratch going from the start to the tip of it’s apple. The skin on the eye on the other side was black and blue whereas the whites of the eye itself were blood red.

His bottom lip was split in two right down the middle and his forehead had a gash the side of your relatively small fist. And as if all that wasn’t enough to just break your heart, the expression on his face was that of a kicked puppy.

“Are- Are you alright Junhui?” You prayed.

“Me?” He retorted in an almost surprised tone, “Yeah I’m- I’m okay. Are YOU okay?” He implored as he grabbed your shaky hands with his red ones and began examining you as thoroughly as he could in the limited amount of time before you answered him.

“I’m- I’m not hurt. Not like you.” You decided, hands still snug in his like they were a warm blanket causing him to give you a sweet smile, “But I’m… very confused…”

He sighed a bit louder than he probably should’ve before he pulled the toilet lid down and took a seat, “Yeah if I were you well I’d- I’d probably be pretty confused too.” He declared with a short chuckle, “I take it you don’t really understand what happened back there right?”

You nodded at him as you brought your hands in front of your stomach and began picking at the nail beds out of nervousness.

“Well that wolf that you saw-” Wolf? Was that what that thing was? “-Was really a person wanting to attack you. Are you following me? Does that make sense?” He asked, already unsure if he was explaining anything in a way that made sense to you.

You nodded once again. You weren’t really following too well. And it didn’t make any sense to you.

But you had so many questions and concerns running through your head that you wouldn’t even know where to start even if you had the courage to stop him and let him know.

“Good. That’s good.” He paused and ran a shaky hand through his untamed hair, “Well I had a feeling that you might’ve been in danger, so I went out looking for you.” He explained as simply as he could.

It wasn’t like it was a total lie anyways. He really did have a feeling you were in danger. And he really did go out looking for you. He just had a more pinpointed way of knowing what something was wrong and he had an instinctual gps that let him find you than he said out loud.

“And when I got there and I saw him ready to charge at you, my instincts kind of took over and well I-” He gulped, trying his best to bring up the subject of him being a wolf without freaking you out too much.

You must’ve seen him shift back at the school when he jumped at the other wolf, so it couldn’t shock you all that much. Right…?

“I shifted out of instinct when I thought he was going to hurt you to protect you. Because I well- I just couldn’t let anything bad happen to you.” He finished shyly.

“Shifted?” You questioned aloud, oddly keeping your cool in front of him despite the given circumstances with a tilt of your head, “What does that mean?”

Jun couldn’t help but to swallow harshly again, “Shifting is what happens when a person changes from a person…” He slowed his words to match your train of thought, “Into a- well well you know… into a werewolf.” He reiterated, keeping true to his original thought in wanting to keep things as simple as possible while also not necessarily hiding the truth from you.

You chuckled while you asked him in disbelief, “A what now?”

Surely he was just fucking with you. Werewolves were just a fairytale or scary stories parents told their kids to make them think scary things like that actually existed so they’d stay in line and out of trouble. They weren’t real.

“A werewolf,” He attempted again, “That animal that was trying to attack you, that’s what he was. He was a werewolf.” He took a deep breath in, “And I- well I guess I should say WE are werewolves too.” Jun began scratching the back of his neck as a sign to show he was a bit at a loss himself.

He had never told anyone what he was before. All his past relationships usually ended before things got serious because he lost interest in them and the only real friends he ever had were from his pack or from neighboring ones.

In fact, knowing how awkward and shy Junhui could be, if his parents weren’t already familiar with werewolves because his dad was one, chances are he wouldn’t have even told them.

It was all very new to him and he didn’t really like the idea of speaking on the subject, but he knew you deserved an explanation as to what happened to you. And he knew you’d eventually find out anyways because you were his mate and he’d eventually have to explain to you what that meant.

He just sort of wished it could’ve been at a later time when the two of you were more comfortable with each other.

“Wait- Hold on a second. Back up, WE?” You quizzed at the boy in front of you in an astonishing tone and with wide saucer eyes, “What do you mean by WE?”

“I mean me and my pack. You know, The others that live here. Well… the guys at least.” You waited for him to let out some sort of laugh to put you at ease and to tell you that he was cruelly joking with a smile on his face.

He wasn’t laughing. And he wasn’t smiling. He had a face as serious as a heart attack etched on to his perfect bone structure.

Truthfully, he semi-expected you to run out of the house screaming once he told you he was a wolf. But as he listened for your erratic heartbreak and watched your body language for any signs of distress, he realized something: your usually fast paced heart wasn’t speeding up more, it was actually beginning to slow down and revert back to its normal rhythm. It definitely threw him for a loop.

It was something that seemed to even be confusing you yourself as your eyes began to wander around him and your lips pursed inward. Then, You gave him a look he couldn’t quite place. It didn’t seem malicious or enraged necessarily. If anything, it seemed more concerned, which again was NOT what he was expecting you to do when he told you he was a giant fluffy four legged monster with a tail.

You had just nearly been mauled to death by a huge wolf creature. Your life had just been saved by the boy who you all but hated earlier in the day. And now you were being given the world’s most shocking information that big bad werewolves from tv and stories actually existed. Yet you weren’t afraid. Why was that? Why weren’t you afraid?

“Oh… okay.” Was all that came out of your lip glossed mouth while you leaned against the bathroom wall for some support in an attempt to ground yourself.

But truthfully, you weren’t sure even a brick wall could ground you at that point. You felt like you were flying away and falling down all at once.

“We aren’t bad though I swear!” He defended his and his friends brand to you with his hands up, “We’d NEVER do what that guy did. We only do that sort of stuff in self defense. Or if we’re playing around with each other and goofing off,” He began to ramble information that he soon realized you probably didn’t need to know, “But we’d NEVER do that to an innocent person!” He emphasized nervously, “We’d never do that to you- I’D never do that to you! So please just… don’t freak out, okay?” He practically begged you as he didn’t want you to deny him already. But you once again surprised him.

“I’m not freaking out.” You informed him calmly, much to his surprise.

“You’re- You’re not?” He questioned as he bit his now busted lip in a rather pathetic attempt to hide his excitement that you were taking the news well.

He was incredibly worried he’d already fucked the whole “I’m a wolf” conversation up. He was mentally preparing himself to have to watch as you bolted out the front door.

Yet here you were practically telling him you believed and were okay with him. He was over the moon thrilled. He just couldn’t help it.

“No. You’d think that I- I would be. Hell, I’D think I-I normally would be. But I-I’m not afraid.”

Junhui wanted to get up and dance around the small restroom from how happy he was that you not only weren’t scared of him, but that you were even willingly admitting it to his face. But through the elated buzzing in his ears, he heard you ask a question that quickly changed his new grooving mood to sheer panic.

“Jun… w-why aren’t I afraid?”

And just like that, his own heart began to race and he was the one doing exactly what he had only moments ago asked you not to do: freaking out.

The hesitation in your voice when you asked your question worried him more than he cared to admit. But he knew at the end of the day he had to try and tell you what was going on, even if it made him uncomfortable and unnerved him.

“Well I- um… it’s a bit- that’s a bit complicated because…” He was searching for something, ANYTHING to say other than what he knew he’d inevitably have to tell you, but began failing miserably.

“Because why?” You innocently batted your clumped eyelashes at him.

“Because being well- what I am- means certain things happen. Certain things that I can’t control mind you and um-” Jun tried to stall you, but you weren’t having any of it.

“Just spit it out Jun,” You stated, wanting to get this whole weird night over with and behind you as soon as possible so you could take a much needed nap.

But you just knew you couldn’t do that without knowing what was going on fully first.

“We… we do this- this thing,” He started, causing you to give him an agitated look to prod him to hurry and get on with it.

Jun gave you a small sigh and beckoned you to come closer, something that you did without a second thought for some reason, and took you by your delicate hands, “Werewolves do this thing called imprinting _____. Imprinting is a lot like what humans would think of as love. It’s just like… a hundred times stronger.” He smiled goofily while looking at your tiny fingers and drawing small shapes on them with his thumbs.

You found yourself actually really liking the way he was touching you and even began to wonder what it might be like for him to do it everyday. His hands were so warm and his lingering touches felt so inviting and tender that you never wanted the close proximity you found yourself in with him to end.

“We do this when we find our mate. A mate is- well it’s sort of like a soulmate. It’s an immediate connection. We feel this with only one person in the whole world and, like I said earlier, it’s not something we can control…” He licked his soft yet intimidating looking pink lips before he continued.

The action started making you think about whether his lips would feel just as pillowy as they looked. In different circumstances, you might've been so bold as to initiate such an intimate moment with the tall boy in front of you. But as you wanted to know what was really going on, you did your best to ignore the burning feeling resonating in your cheeks and focus on his words.

“It happens as soon as we meet them. It’s like a lightening strike in your heart that just allows you to know, they’re the one. And, while the feeling isn’t nearly as strong for them as it is for us, they do still feel feelings back to match ours.”

It was at this point that he began actually looking you in the eyes with his amber orbs. And you thought that if he hadn’t been holding you in place with your hands that you might have quite literally melted right then and there from the sheer intensity you felt radiating through the air.

“We’d do anything for them. We’d be anything for them. We know when they’re in danger and if they need us. They’re like a breath of fresh air after having nearly drowned out at sea.” He poetically spoke.

You wanted to look away. You wanted to push back and slap his face for getting so close to you without your given permission. But you just couldn’t pull away from his loving gaze.

“We can’t live without them and, even if we could, we’d never want to because to us, they’re the only thing in this world that matters. From the second we meet them till our very last breath, the only thing that matters to us is their safety and happiness.”

You finally managed to snap yourself out of the trance he had placed you in in order to speak, “But Jun, why are you telling me this stuff?” You all but whimpered as his gentle grip on your hands stalled and he brought his hands to cup your face.

“Because for me… you’re that person. You’re my mate _____. That’s the reason you’re not scared of me. Because deep down, your heart knows I could never hurt you.” He finished with a twinkle in his eye and with his thumbs rubbing the contours of your cheeks.

“I- I didn’t want you to find out like this, and I never meant to leave you high and dry like that when we met. I was just too shocked and couldn’t explain it all to you then without making things worse. But the cat’s-or i guess the wolf’s- kind of out of the bag now.” He attempted to joke before you found yourself leaning in and pulling his lips to yours, an action that shocked him.

Hell, it shocked you. You weren’t sure why you wanted to kiss him. It just made sense in your head. You felt like kissing him. You wanted to kiss him. It felt like you’d die if you didn’t. What he told you made sense in theory and therefore you brain ran with it and already seemed to believe it with it’s whole being. It felt like it just all connected.

That’s why he ran away from you, he was too shy and freaked out. That’s why he saved you, he couldn’t let anything happen to you. And that’s why you cared so much about him even though his actions upset you, part of you already had strong feelings for him.

Had Junhui been expecting you to kiss him? No. Was he complaining? Hell No. But as much as he wanted to kiss you long enough to lose his breath, he wanted to be sure you knew that you didn’t have to be with him if you didn’t want to be. That it was your choice in his mind, not fate’s. So even though he felt like his lips could just stay on your perfect one’s forever, he had to explain further.

He reluctantly pulled away from your loving grasp and softly leaned his forehead on yours, “Just- just because I imprinted on you doesn’t mean you have to be with me you know. You can always deny it. It wouldn’t hurt you and-”

“Why on earth would i do that?” You smirked at him as you played with the hair on the back of his head while simultaneously bringing a delicate hand around to the front of his face to examine his war wounds.

His skin seemed to shimmer at the oddly coupley small behavior you were showing him, “I-I just figured you’d need some time to sort everything out and decide is s’all…” Jun explained did his best to focus his words so that you could take him seriously.

You bit your lip before answering, “You know what? I’d normally think that would be true, but seeing as you literally risked your life for me earlier to save me, I don’t think I’d mind being stuck with you forever. But it has been a weird few days and i may still be in shock a little, so bare with me for a while alright?” You mewled to him with a sweet smile, something that made his heart swoon.

You saw him happily grinned from ear to ear right before he closed the space in between you both while getting up from his seat and spinning you around.

It was then that you started to squeal with glee and put your hands on either side of his jaw to connect your lips with a sealing embrace.

As much as Junhui loved your newly found affection for him, he couldn’t help but wince at the sudden impact of your perfectly cherry lips meeting his bitterly cracked ones. You quickly took notice of his behavior change and pecked his nose once and tapping his shoulder signaling him to put you back down on the ground.

“Alright now that that’s all settled,” you windily let out with your fists on your hips, “Where the hell do you guys keep your first aid kit? You’ve got some injuries that need attended to!”

(Updated 11/29/2022)

[fearlessleaderbucky]

bunch of little things from the comics that i like to compare with the mcu to figure out what i would like to see going forward:

it's kind of a bare minimum petition in a way. i'd call this a comparative essay but it's too messy to be an essay so, let's just start LOL... im not actually that well versed in comics im more like "oh yeah i dig this" and run w what i like

first off sam in the mcu i actually really love what they've done with him. might be because i can't help but love sam since he's so damn charming. i guess one glaring difference between comics sam and movies sam is the way they carry themselves—compared to mcu sam, comics sam has been doing this for decades. he is rougher around the edges while having his big heart anyway, which is a really nice contrast and makes sense given how long he's been working as falcon lol. so what are the differences that can be found/how did the mcu adapt some of sam's comic traits?

he's a social worker and a community organizer! he also runs a veteran support group, not that different from sam being a counselor in the mcu. in tfatws it's shown that sam helps sarah whenever he's around in delacroix, in turn helping out the whole community—showing that they're (the wilsons) are very loved by all the members in their community, and this is a very important thing! a connection to a community! a purpose for a character to want to fight for others, to have something they love and protect and make it believable at the same time. it's lovely.

sam's heart being too big and moving people / seeing the best in others carries on super well in the mcu. everyone's familiar with sam giving shelter to stevenat in tws, sam never wanting to fight karli, sam being kind to john, etc. it's a lovely detail and one of my fave things about him so that's also super satisfying :)

so now in terms of sam wilson as a character what would i like to see more? it already started during tfatws when he confronted all those politicians on live tv but cap sam makes the point of not remaining quiet and speaking up, something that usually costs him public approval but he remains strong and tall about what he believes in. not being afraid to take a political stance despite people wanting him to stay neutral.

sam's struggles on wanting to do what's right by him and at the same time having some struggles according to how he's perceived by the public because it's always going to be an important conversation to have and again, this character is not one to shy again from stances like these. when tfatws was coming out lots of people were uncomfortable by how “political” and by the race conversations that took place in the series. i don't think they'd shy away from it anyway but still something i truly wish to see how they handle. esp with a not-white team working on it heh

more moments of sam being truly sure of who he is and killing it bc i love him

sam's connection to his family and how they influence him to be who he is, and sam's own little family composed of joaquín and shaun and redwing (currently just joaquín and redwing in the mcu) to have his own support system besides the guys we already know

just. sam :)

moving onto bucky, mcu bucky is... kind of starting to be his own character at last? like i remember watching tfatws ep 1 and going OMG HE HAS A PERSONALITY so it was a big deal. so it's a bit of a clean slate, right? so here are the things i wish the mcu would implement for bucky but i highly doubt they will but i love to dream anyway:

ideally seeing where the character is right now they could, yes, take an approach to winter soldier 2018 since it fits bucky's current character arc of learning to forgive himself and try to do good.

really want the mcu to stop pushing the white wolf narrative and trying to erase the winter soldier from bucky, seeing as how ed brubaker is responsible for bringing bucky back as the winter soldier and how he feels re:mcu bucky, i feel like the least they could do is let him still keep the winter soldier, just. reclaim the name like in the 2018 run, etc

bucky is a loving character. he just loves so damn much. if comics sam is sharp around the edges but soft inside, bucky is soft around the edges but firm inside. he's not afraid to call sam and nat his best friends when they're captured specifically to lure bucky out

he feels so much for people, he acknowledges the burden and the pain he carries to do better and take back his mistakes, and tries to take care of everybody without ever putting himself first, and endures So much.. talk about being a meow meow

super good with kids somehow?

please mcu give him friends who love him that's all i actually ask from you. bucky is loyal to a nauseating degree. even when sam and nat get captured it was literally illegal for him to break them out but what did he do? break the law, of course,

he's hilarious. for real trust me he's hilarious. like there's something wrong with him (affectionate)

so to sum it up: just dont be afraid to make him kind and loving bc thats where bucky shines most. as for the sambucky dynamic in general i just want them to still be themselves. just like this :)

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

Secrets in a basic form can be harmless, but that does not negate the fact they can be quite deadly too. To withhold information from a loved one is to partake in a gamble, and the odds will not be in the deceitful one’s favour. Outside of the generic risks of entertaining this gamble, there is one that is often overlooked. What many fail to comprehend is that secrets can be weaponized, and once information becomes a weapon – the truth will no longer hold any significance.

Ichika may have fortuitously stumbled onto Osamu’s secret, but he was still to blame. There were various choices available to him that night and he chose not only to lie, but to drag his idiot brother down with him. He was thus caught in a gambler’s debt.

“Okay.” The confirmation fell from your mouth in a whisper, but it was not intended for anyone’s ears other than your own. You were vocalizing affirmation to the unspoken request from the muscle inside of your chest that was afflicted unfair torment. The excessive throbbing would not cease unless you abided by its demands, which first meant drawing the ache inside to the surface.

Connecting the platform of your boots with the ground, the vibrations stretching from the point of impact led Ichika to proceed a cautious step back. The smile stitched across her lips fell into a thin line as you surveyed her, curious to what she would bark out next.  Beside you, Osamu failed to secure even a piece of your attention, something the blonde took pride in. Although, if she had known that the sole reason you chose to ignore his presence was to focus on your primary target, she would not have been so arrogant. 

“Don’t you see, y/n? The person you should be fighting is yourself.” She raised her chin in effort to gloat, yet the little quivers in her voice indicated her confidence was deflating. Maintaining her composure would have been effortlessly completed if there was even a hint of recognizable emotions in your eyes. 

“Okay. Come here, dollar-store Regina George.” A faint smirk twitched at the ends of your mouth as you toyed with the accessory within your grasp, compelling her attention to land upon it. The threads weaved into her mask of smugness were slashed, revealing the fear slathered across her features. However, the terror reigning over her was soon replaced with bemusement as the band was discarded in a frivolous manner. “Hit me.” The artificial annunciation added to the invitation along with your bizarre actions drew a wide range of responses from those within the shop.

Osamu croaked out a protest, though he knew anything spoken would fall on closed ears. Your two best friends on the other hand exchanged worried glances, but they assumed you had some plan in motion. But what concerned them was the possibility that the revelation ruptured your very grip on reality. 

Seated behind them, the father to the deranged child begged to notify the authorities, while Nakamura cowered in the corner, guilt eating away at his conscience. 

“You don’t have to ask twice.”

Your invitation reinvigorated the blonde’s sense of triumph, which led her to lower down her guard. She proceeded closer to you without hesitation then reeled back her hand, before allowing her palm to collide with your face. The impact guided your face to the left side, forcing your gaze to settle onto your two bewildered friends, who were seconds from abandoning their post to join you. Though, when they saw your mouth open to expel a chorus of low laughter, they froze in their tracks.

“You hit softer than my sister.” When you snapped your consideration back to the shorter girl, the action startled her enough to cause a blockage to form in her throat. She blinked up at you quizzically, while pondering whether you were truly a sadist – deriving pleasure from the pain. And there was some truth to that. The location she had oh so kindly assaulted stung, but it was not even remotely close to the ache claiming your entire body. “Is that all you got?”  

“Y/n, please.”  Osamu was preparing to capture you in his embrace, he didn’t care if you hated him or hurt him in the process. It was quite clear that you were seeking to overthrow the emotional pain with a physical one. Something that would not be occurring if he chose to be honest. “You’re angry, so take it out on me. But don’t take it out on yourself.”

“You see the thing is… This is my pain. And you, the person responsible for that pain, don’t get to tell me how to deal with it.” As exhilaration pumped through your veins, humourless laughter sliced against your throat on its journey to your mouth. “Now fucking hit me.”

Ichika stomped on the ground childishly, accompanying the movement with a mixture between a whine and a grunt. How dare you mock her when you were the fool in the situation? What kind of person were you? She was beginning to wonder if you were human at all.

She knew Osamu would intervene if she was not quick enough, and so she did not miss a second once the demand was spat towards her. In applying the second strike she curled her fingers purposefully to drag her manicured nails across your flesh. The additional pressure combined with the edge of her nails was enough to carve a few lines into your cheek, however before she could allow her hand to fall limp, you secured your fingers around her wrist and issued another titter. When her eyes frantically shot to the captured limb, it finally dawned on her that you weren’t the prey – she was.

In a swift motion, you twisted her hand then ushered it to the small of her back, the slightest bit of force would send her shoulder into agony, and so she did not attempt to fight back. Trailing your tongue along your bloodied bottom lip, you pushed her towards the same table she found refuge from minutes prior.

“You… crazy bitch!” The liquid distorting Ichika’s vision glimmered under the crimson lens you adorned. It was quite satisfying.

A heavy breath of air was exhaled as you took a handful of her golden locks, an action that caused her father to yell out various profanities. But upon seeing his daughter’s distress, his curses morphed into begs. He was begging for mercy, something you were not willing to offer. 

“You see now, goldie locks…” To ensure she was listening intently, you tangled your fingers into her curls, forcing her head up to bring her ear to your mouth. “Whatever I do… qualifies as self-defence.”

Shivers surged throughout Ichika’s petite frame at your explanation as she questioned internally how she managed to misread the signs. She studied you based on your social media for days. She thought she knew you. But she was ever so wrong.

“But how… How can you still fight after what I told you?” Tears strained her swollen cheeks, and soon the reality of her loss brought her to wail childishly. “Tell me!” Twitching at the sound produced by the short female, you roughly led her face to the counter to silence her. Mimicking a child’s behaviour? There was something pitiful about that, and you did not doubt that her father was to blame. 

Releasing the arm twisted behind her back, a lengthy sigh was blown out as you massaged your forehead to sooth the stinging sensation tormenting your temples. 

“I’ve met scum like you before...And I bet you thought you had the upper hand.” Another heavy sigh was exhaled as you shook your head is disappointment. “That was your first mistake. Now, listen to me, kiddo. I want you to remember something.” Strengthening your grip on her roots, you forced her head to rise from the table, resulting in a weak squeak from your victim. She trembled pathetically between sniffles as your slow breaths hit her skin. “Osamu could never love someone like you. Fantasize all you want, but if you ever think of breathing in his direction…” A pause was implemented to provide her a few seconds to imagine what would occur, and what she imagined brought her to whimper lowly. “Let’s just say I won’t be leaving you with a simple concussion.”

“Concussion..?”

As she echoed the word in confusion, her face was smashed against the table with as much force you were capable of administering. The sound produced from the action was far more satisfying than any melody played on the radio. If only someone had recorded it. 

Once her body went limp, you untangled your fingers then squinted down at them, admiring the way they curved from the unnatural exertion. The pain within your limbs successfully soothed your heart into a slumber, returning some colour back to your vision as a reward.

With the thrill of victory lacing into your bloodstream, you momentarily turned your empty stare towards your fiancé until another person entered the scene.

“Y/n…?! What the fuck is going on?”  

Let’s do it again, shall we - hit me 

Masterlist - Previous - Next

A/N: thanks for joining the party, superman lol. you a bit LATE. anywAY I hope ya’ll know MC is not okay, not even a bit. 

Taglist:  @idiot-juice-enthusiast @vicassa  @iloveanime691 @bringmelily @newfriendjen @hikarichannn @anime-simp @tsukkismamagucci @laughingismorefun @astronomyturtle​ @shegrewupwithoutafather @hyskoa1998 @deephumandragonperson​ @pretty-setter-bois @raenebalgaire @sugawarabby @justanotherfangirl2 @keijisworld @90s-belladonna @momoinot @sempiternal-amour @cherryblosom111 @yqshirov @haikyuufairy @volleybloop @bloody-bella @sadkaashistan​ @seikamuzu​ @namyari​ @toaster-stick​ @shakiraisawesome​ @coconut-dreamz​ @roseestuosity​ @prcttylittlcthing​ @uzumakioden​ @nerdynstoned​ @kenmasgameboy​ @unstableye​ @ouijaeater15​ @aquariarose​ @fandomtrashpandasposts​ @helloalex80​ @stfucanunot​ @envyusshades​ @cuddlesslut​ @seijohiseliterambles​

[nctharu]

nct 127

haru’s relationship with the nct 127 members ｡ﾟ･ 

taeil 

- he is pretty chill with haru

- mostly because he worries she feels overwhelmed being the youngest and getting so much attention but it doesn't mean he loves her any less though

- he lets her do whatever she wants (unless its something that can harm her)

- if she ever feels down or goes through her depression he doesn't over protect her, but lets haru come to him if she wants to talk to him

- watches her with the biggest eyes and makes sure she takes care of herself, eats, sleeps

- she adores him so much and she loves how patient he is with her because she feels like she can be a burden at times

- taeil warms her heart

- haru appreciates him so much and comes to him for whatever

- he once caught her watching videos of him singing, and she still does

- haru stays a lot in her studio so taeil visits her and checks up on her

- he’s also one of the only people with the pass code to her studio

johnny

- these two are just everything

- the first time they met he took her under his wing

- 100% her dad

- she was so shy and petite, he basically adopted her

- he always has an eye on her because she becomes distracted very quickly

- johnny saw haru grow up and it makes him cry every time he thinks about it

- her personal body guard

- if anyone touches her, they're done

- picks her up whenever

- he is the first person in the “hows ruru” squad, including jaehyun, yuta, lucas, and haechan who basically let each other know when they feel somethings up or when they think she’s going through a tough time

- johnny always tries to get her out of the house since she’s such a homebody

- for haru, she looks up to him so much

- she steals a good 80% of his hoodies and t-shirts

- she always tries to protect him but she’s short

- they always have a good time together and he has slowly gotten her out of her shell

taeyong

- haru’s mom- thats it

- haru randomly stares into his eyes

- you can always find them giving each other small massages whether its in there hand or back

- she really admires him and how hard he works

- but she hates when he overworks himself :(

- they always talk to each other and there is never a day that passes where he doesnt ask her how her day was

- he is on full protective mode when they are out

- he always has her hand in his

- when they first debuted haru would miss a few meals and ever since then taeyong would make sure that she’s eating enough

- he always knows when somethings wrong

- theyve done many vlives together where they paint and draw, its super cute!

- taeyong and nari have such a heartfelt relationship that its hard to fit into such a short space

yuta

- he is whipped for her

- part of the “how’s ruru” squad

- he always wants her near him and when she is she’s just wrapped in his arms

- they are always hugging, holding hands, with consent ofc

- yuta is also very protective of her

- i mean she’s on the shorter side and haru is naive, she will believe anyone

- haru feels safe with all the members but if she had to, she would run to yuta for protection

- they take so many pictures of each other

-  haru is seen jumping on his back in a few videos 

- and yuta doesn't mind a bit

- she was learning a bit of japanese but yuta found out and insisted on teaching her himself

- anime buddies

doyoung

- haru is just a great human and naturally everyone is attracted to her personality and that is doyoungs case

- you would just want to take care of her and thats why he has this motherly nature towards her

- he always nags her about cleaning her room and taking care of herself

- whenever they are eating together he places more food on her plate regardless of what she says

- and he makes sure she eats it

- truly though, they are really close

- they have a closer relationship off screen then on screen

- there are a few photos out where they are hugging each other

- but she also stresses him out

- she clowns him a lot and gives him gray hairs

- she’s his second child

jaehyun

- SIBLING GOALS

- they arent the bickering type but more of the soft type

- freely he givers her all of his shirts and hoodies

- has hidden her wallet several times so she cant pay for things

- the softest hugs!!

- haru’s always seen poking his dimples

- jaehyun’s also part of the “how’s ruru” squad

- always has an eye on her

- one of the members that call her rue or ruru

- she sleeps with the teddy bear he gave her a year after their debut, it goes everywhere with her

- he is teaching her english with johnny and mark and they love hearing her talk

- even more when he hears her speech impediment

- his heart flutters so much!

- roommates for quite some time

jungwoo

- best friends

- she loves him and his energy so much

- whenever she notices her speech impediment and stops talking, hes right there to tell her to continue

- they are super close and always there for each other

- they do a lot of skinship

- haru thinks that he’s so soft and clings onto him whenever she can

- they take naps together during the day

- they have these small little “dates” where they go get ice cream from this small place during the darkest times of the night

- its only for them jungwoo says

- they make fun of each other

- a lottt

mark 

- they honestly act the same age

- mark and haru are very lowkey but have a timeless friendship

- he sometimes comes into her dorm and sings songs together

- at first though, they were awkward

- but now they just vibe and neither of them have to say a thing

- they really love each other but never say it

- he got so excited when he was able to take her to vancouver

- he lost her in a store though until he heard her name over the intercom

- she was so sad when he graduated from dream, she cried for days

- they have so much in common

haechan

- they play around and roast each other all the time but he never brings her speech implemented up

- he would hurt anyone who brings it up rudely

- also part of the “how’s ruru” squad

- they have a two sided friendship though

- they could be beating each other up or they could be cuddling 

- haechan is one of the main reasons why she is more outgoing

- haru is innocent and sweet but when she is paired up with haechan she’s another person

- he drags her out to meals and makes her pay for them

- but then later he stuffs a few bucks in her bag/wallet

- they deeply care and love each other but they will never say it to each other

- he always brings up her height lol

MASTERLIST 

[drwcn]

I was reading your post about consent for surgery and I had a question. Aren't there cases where if the patient is not of sound mind or unable to make an informed decision, then family can decide for them? That's not to say that WWX was entirely of sound mind at that point (he'd also been through insane trauma & was trying desperately to hold onto the family he had left). But JC was in a much worse state and retrospectively I agree JC would never have agreed to taking anyone else's core, but 1/2

I know I said i wasn’t going to answer asks until I’m done my exams but this one just came in and it’s a topic close and dear to my heart, so I’m going to take a couple of minutes to answer it. Thank you for the ask, but I think this brings up a lot of misconceptions of what is medical consent, capacity, competency, and substitute decision making. This is a very complicated and legally heavy topic. So it will be a long post. I apologize for that. 

There are several misconceptions in the ask, and I will be addressing them in this order: 

That Jiang Cheng is “not of sound mine” and cannot “make an informed decision”. 

The role of family and substitute decision making 

“force a life saving measure on a family member”. 

Issue 1 : Jiang Cheng is not competent and has no capacity to consent. 

There is no doubt that Jiang Cheng has gone through significant trauma, and that he is emotionally fragile, but this does not medically equate him to having no capacity to make surgical decisions and this certainly does not make him legally incompetent. If I may, I will define “informed decision”, “capacity” and “competency”.  

The criteria of obtaining informed consent is described below. 

Decision maker must: 

Be aware of his/her right to withdraw consent at any time

Be free of undue influence, duress or coercion in making the consent decision (aka no one is paying them or holding a gun to their head)

Receive a proper explanation that includes but is not limited to:

diagnosis reached

advised interventions and treatments;

exact nature and anticipated benefits of the proposed examination, assessment, treatment or procedure;

common risks and significant risks; 

reasonable alternative treatments available, and the associated common risks and significant risks; and

natural history of the condition and the consequences of forgoing treatment;

All of this must be explained to the patient before a procedure can be undertaken. And the patient must be able to understand what is told, and to appreciate the gravity of their choice. This brings us to the idea of “capacity”. 

Capacity is not how emotionally distressed you are, or how traumatized you are. If my partner (the love of my life) and I both got into a horrible car accident, but I sustained minor injuries while he requires significant surgery, you can reasonably assume that I am in deep emotional distress. However, if I were his POA (power of attorney), I would still have the capacity to decide and consent for his surgery on his behalf if he is no longer capable (e.g.: he is unconscious).  

Capacity refers to a person’s ability to make a decision that is “task specific”. As in, can he make a decision about this particular thing we’re asking him. It requires the person (Jiang Cheng) to:

Reason and deliberate - can Jiang Cheng make logical sense of the procedure and its consequences.  

Hold appropriate values and goals - Jiang Cheng would want to protect his family, avenge his parents and defeat Wen Ruohan. 

Appreciate one's circumstances - does Jiang Cheng know that without his surgery he will never get core back? Does he know the risks of the surgery to himself, to his brother, and its chances of success? 

Understand information one is given - are Jiang Cheng’s cognitive functions intact to for him to understand and appreciate the information given? 

And communicate a choice.

Can Jiang Cheng do all of that? The conclusion of the assessment for capacity ultimately lies with the attending physician. Medical capacity is a result of a physician’s assessment. Capacity wasn’t even a consideration for Jiang Cheng. Wen Qing agreed because Wei Wuxian begged, and probably because she also felt guilty. And that’s not how she should’ve done it. 

From what I have seen on the show, Jiang Cheng is capable. I can say with 99% confidence that what happened to him is a gross violation of his bodily autonomy and his rights. No physician would agree to do a surgery the way Wen Qing did. In a way, she was compromised, and she should’ve seen that there was a conflict of interest between herself, Wei Wuxian, and her patient Jiang Cheng. If I were her, I would be mortified that I had done something like this. 

On the other hand, competency is a legal status. It doesn’t change with activity and task. A judge needs to decide this and once you’re deemed incompetent, there’s usually no going back. This doesn’t really apply in CQL because...well they don’t have a judicial system. I can explain competency fully in another ask if you’re still interested. One thing I will say is that even “incompetent” individuals can have “capacity” for certain decisions. E.g: my grandmother with dementia while she cannot decide whether she undergoes a knee replacement or not, she can decide that she doesn’t want apple sauce with her morning meal. Again, competency is a global assessment leading to a legal status change, whereas capacity is task specific. 

Issue 2: the role of family and substitute decision maker 

Substitute decision makers (SDM) are brought in when the patient is deemed lacking capacity to make a certain decision, and as I have explained above, Jiang Cheng does not qualify as lacking capacity. In modern law, the role of SDM is different from country to country, even provinces/states to provinces/states. 

For a lot places, pediatric patients are not able to consent for themselves and their parents are usually their SDM. This is not the case where I live. Children, as long as they are assessed by their physician to be capable of making specific decisions, will be able to make decisions in their medical treatment. This assessment is on-going throughout medical care. In many other places, parents are the SDMs. However: please note that good medical practice will still include the children in the discussion of their care as much as is appropriate for their age and ability, and that while they cannot consent, clinicians must try their best to obtain children’s ‘assent’ (aka their agreement and cooperation).  

For seniors with dementia, their SDMs are their spouse or in lack that, their children. Without a specific POA - power of attorney, that is the one person the patient has written down as their legal SDM - all SDMs on the same level must come to an agreement before a procedure can be carried out. What do I mean by that? SDMs come in levels. Where I live, at the top level is the spouse. Without a specific designated POA, spouse is always SDM, their decision trumps everyone else’s. Without a spouse, the next on the list is usually children. If there are multiple children, they must all agree on what to do for mom or dad before the doctor can act. If they can’t agree, there’s usually a due process where physicians can petition the court to have a designated third-party SDM appointed.  In all cases with SDMs, they should not be acting according to their own values but the values and wishes of the patient to be best of their understanding. If doctors suspect that SDMs are not following the values of their patient, there is also a process where they can petition the court to have the SDMs’ rights removed. It’s a very lengthy process and this doesn’t happen often. 

For Jiang Cheng, if for example he never gained consciousness (so he is completely incompetent) and we consider Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian to be at the same SDM level (JC’s siblings), then they should’ve had a discussion with Jiang Cheng’s values and beliefs in mind and come to a conclusion together. Only that decision should be implemented. Of course, this didn’t happen because WWX and his martyr complex made an unilateral decision for himself based on what he thinks is right.

Issue 3: Forcing people to live against their will.  

Does this happen? Tragically yes. It does. Should it happen? No. Absolutely no. 

The grey areas are when a senior never wrote in legal documentation explicitly that they don’t want life sustaining measure, but that maybe in passing they’ve mentioned to their nurse or physician. When they become incompetent (coma, dementia, delirium, stroke, rapid decline in cognitive function), the children want everything to be done for dad or mom, and refuse to switch to palliative care or to end life support. 

In those cases, unfortunately, many institutions will go with the families’ wishes because hospitals don’t want to be sued, and families do sue, even when all the medical team has done is respect the patient’s wishes. 

There are many pediatric cases as well where parents cannot cope with their loss and can’t let go. The child could be brain-dead or in persistent vegetative state, and so even though nurses and doctors feel a lot of moral distress at continuously giving aggressive measure that they know it won’t help, they can’t stop. Because if they do, they can get sued. And sometimes it’s not even just a matter of lawsuits. These things can get crazy, media can twist the truth and people can get death threats. Feel free to google these cases. 

So yeah, it happens. But it shouldn’t. Just because it happens, doesn’t mean it’s right. 

And this doesn’t apply to Jiang Cheng. Because he isn’t brain dead, he isn’t in a coma, he doesn’t have frontal cortex damage, he doesn’t dementia. He is in complete control of all his faculties. So what happened to him was a crime. And if there are other examples where patients were forced into/lied to about medical procedures by their family, those are crimes too. 

And yes CQL is a tv show set in fantasy china, so does it all really matter? I guess, if you don’t care that much about the drama, then no, it doesn’t matter. But keep in mind this wasn’t a historical drama, we’re not analyzing a historical figures’s actions with modern ethics. That would be misplaced. This was a fantasy drama, written by a modern girl, living in modern society. And its audiences are people living in the global community, so it should matter how it impacts the viewers who watch it. 

From a modern western medical perspective, Jiang Cheng does not owe Wei Wuxian, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning anything. I liked Wen Ning up until he threw the core surgery reveal in Jiang Cheng’s face so cruelly. People cheered him on, but I was very upset. 

Jiang Cheng owes these three nothing. Not a damn thing. 

[hatari-translations]

Matthías interview about the new constitution - translation

A couple of days ago Matthías was interviewed on Útvarp Saga, mainly about the new constitution - but he also unexpectedly confirms the new version of “Dansið eða deyið” is coming at the end! Full translation below.

HOST: We're talking about the new constitution and admiring the young people stepping up as well as those in the older demographic. We just spoke to lawyer Ósk Elvarsdóttir, and now I've got Matthís Tryggvi Haraldsson on the line, a musician better known as Hatari, don't we? He's from the band Hatari which was a hit last year and represented Iceland in the Eurovision Song Contest. We've got him on the line, and he's traveling, as I understand it. Good afternoon, Matthías.

MATTHÍAS: Yes, good afternoon.

HOST: Greetings!

MATTHÍAS: You're right, I'm in Borgarnes. I got to sit in the car and talk to you while my girlfriend is getting groceries.

HOST: So you sent her in. Does she have a mask on and everything?

MATTHÍAS: Yeah, she's taking appropriate precautions, and is getting groceries for us. We've got a summerhouse near here, lucky enough to have access to that.

HOST: Oh, cozy!

MATTHÍAS: Now with the pandemic.

HOST: You've been part of this petitioning and activism for the new constitution. What made you - one perhaps thought a musician would just think about music, but now the new constitution is top of the list.

MATTHÍAS: Right, yeah. I am interested in music, but I'm also interested in relevant issues that touch us all, and really this referendum in 2012 was kind of my introduction to Icelandic democracy, the first time I voted. And I felt - as the years go by, I feel like my introduction to Icelandic democracy and participation in Icelandic society was to just be ignored, for eight years or so. That was kind of my experience of participating in this referendum. I was so optimistic when I showed up in 2012, and then the issue just kind of fizzles out for eight years. I'm really happy with people like Ósk, who you talked to earlier, and the Women's Society for the New Constitution. We've got some energy back in the discussion about this, which is great.

HOST: Yeah, the Constitution Society, they've been all over the place, Katrín Oddsdóttir and company, a lot of women, and everyone, men too.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah!

HOST: It's great to see it.

MATTHÍAS: Women and men, and it's also great to see the news yesterday about this poll, where 60% support a new constitution this term, and it's fun to look at the demographics. There's more women, and it's more the capital region, but it's still a majority everywhere. Women, men, capital, rural - more or less everywhere there's a majority in favor of changing the constitution.

HOST: Yes, exactly. Doesn't it also tell us that people are being stifled even if they don't always talk about it, that people are fed up with a lot of things we've been given, and finally get this chance to express their opinion?

MATTHÍAS: Definitely, without a doubt. And you can read the new constitution from that perspective - a lot of things in it are kind of an echo preventing - I guess I won't name examples because I'm not well-read enough or have a good enough memory to get into detail, but the feeling is that the new constitution has these failsafes for all kinds of things we've been bumping into in the past years. It forbids curtailing media freedom, and there's this eternal discussion on natural resources and that they should belong to the nation, and a bunch more that I'm probably forgetting, and they're kind of an echo of things that we've gone through as a nation since the 2012 referendum, and that were being discussed then.

HOST: That's been discussed a lot, of course, with the natural resources. There is this tendency to distribute the country's natural resources, and you're kind of insecure in who's going to be taking it all, aren't there any laws preventing that? We see it with land and with fishing quotas, with the quota ending up in the hands of a few people even though it should be owned by the nation.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah. It's kind of a buzzword, I feel, in parliament, speaking of the resources being owned by the nation, but then the feeling you get is that this isn't really enforced. The section on natural resources, the most popular section of the new constitution, or was in 2012, is being watered down in parliament, so that the phrasing loses its edge, and that's not what's being called for. The call for a new constitution was not a call for dull phrasing that doesn't really change anything. It's dangerous to fall into mediocrity. Then you might as well skip it.

HOST: Yeah, you're sharp on this, Matthías, I can see. What's the general zeitgeist around you? You must be around a lot of musicians and so on.

MATTHÍAS: Well, unfortunately I'm not really around a lot of people, as a result of this pest! But, well, I follow the zeitgeist on the internet and so on, and am in contact with friends and family, and you see there that there's a lot of enthusiasm for a new constitution. I think we had several thousand new signatures yesterday. They've been streaming in like a gas pump.

HOST: Right now, as we're talking, it's coming up on 36,000. You're most of the way there.

MATTHÍAS: Wow! Awesome! And these are confirmed signatures from voters - you're used to thinking of it as a proportion of the national population, which is 330... it's a proportion of something much smaller, it's voters, with the right to vote, and who have signed in with an Íslykill [a kind of national login system]. It's a huge number! I'm thrilled.

HOST: Yeah, it's these electronic signatures. And now they're helping people who can't sign in through the internet, and it's great women like Vilborg, who's helping, and another in Akureyri, Ásdís Árnadóttir.

MATTHÍAS: Yeah? Awesome!

HOST: People are just - you can't keep up with all these strong individuals helping everywhere.

MATTHÍAS: That's great.

HOST: But hey, Matthías, you have to tell me a bit about Hatari. Aren't you playing something or doing something with the music?

MATTHÍAS: Well, it hasn't been much, thanks to this virus. There was a brief window where we could have played a concert, this summer or whenever, but we were too late to use it, and then everything's locked down again. But we'll be at Iceland Airwaves, the music festival. It'll be a bit different this year, there'll be streamed concerts...

HOST: When is that?

MATTHÍAS: I don't know... I'm such a terrible media person for the band, not remembering this. But somehow you should be able to buy access to that concert. You should be able to look into it on the Iceland Airwaves website, presumably - it's going up next week.

HOST: So there's at least a bit going on.

MATTHÍAS: Sure, and there are ideas, long-term ideas, churning away, without spoiling anything.

HOST: That's fun! But still, I have to know, do you have some new song that we can hear before Christmas or anything?

MATTHÍAS: Well, hopefully before Christmas! There's a new song called "Dansið eða deyið", a song of revolution, perhaps appropriate for this petition. It's a song about uniting behind a cause, but of course in that Hatari presentation. The world it presents is pretty dark, as the nation heard in Eurovision.

HOST: It's a short path between life and death there. But that's nice, "Dansið eða deyið", the next thing coming from you, and then now the main thing is to sign the petition to push for the new constitution to be implemented. A message from Hatari.

MATTHÍAS: Definitely, and reminding parliament that they can't just ignore these things and water them down. It has to be taken seriously and you need to be decisive when it comes to the constitution.

HOST: That's exactly it. Matthías Tryggvi Haraldsson, Hatari. We're going to reexperience your song from Eurovision...

MATTHÍAS: Great!

HOST: Good luck with everything, and you keep up your voluntary quarantine in Borgarfjörður.

MATTHÍAS: Yup, thanks, I'll do that.

HOST: Thanks a lot, goodbye.

MATTHÍAS: Goodbye.

[xtruss]

With Nearly Half of U.S. Farmworkers Undocumented, Ending Illegal Immigration Could Devastate Economy

— By Meghan Roos and Alex J. Rouhandeh | April 21, 2021 | Newsweek

As heated conversations about U.S. immigration focus on migrants arriving at the U.S.-Mexico border, a quiet scenario plays out on farms across the country—thousands of undocumented workers tending and picking the crops put food on American tables and fill cargo ships that supply the world.

America's reliance on migrant agricultural workers is a secret hiding in plain sight.

In New York's Hudson Valley, a historic apple farm utilizes a legal process for hiring migrant workers—the H-2A Temporary Agricultural Workers program. It enables Minard's Family Farm to legally hire migrants on a seasonal basis, and includes protections for both migrant and domestic workers that can result in fines if violations occur.

Jason Minard, whose family has run the farm since 1906, said he believes in the program despite its up-front costs and the risk of penalties.

"I don't look down on the program, I look at it as an asset," Minard told Newsweek. "It's a cost of doing business. It's an asset because of the bottom-line reality: Without these H-2A workers, these apples would not get picked."

H-2A workers prune Pink Lady apple trees at Minard's Family Farm.

A bill to reform the H-2A program, H.R. 1603, called the Farm Workforce Modernization Act of 2021, passed the House on March 18. It includes a path to citizenship for H-2A workers. Until or unless it is approved by both houses of Congress, agricultural employers are left to decide how best to employ workers for physically-demanding work that typically does not appeal to U.S. workers.

According to a 2018 report by the U.S. Department of Labor, 49% of the U.S. agricultural workforce is undocumented —a significant statistic for a country that along with China and India ranks among the top three agricultural producers in the world.

In 2019, U.S. agriculture contributed about $136.1 billion to the country's gross domestic product (GDP). Agriculture alone makes up about 0.6 % of the country's GDP, but that number rises to about 5.2% when combined with related food industries, according to a 2019 U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) Economic Research Service report.

Agriculture and related food industries are also credited with providing nearly 11% of the country's jobs, according to the USDA's report, an estimated 2.6 million of which involve working directly on American farms.

Minard told Newsweek he realizes there are employers who don't take the same legal steps he does, and said that the complex legal process required, coupled with potential fines employers face for contract violations, may provide an explanation.

Fines for violations can range from $1,700 to $6,000. Fines for layoffs and improperly rejecting U.S. workers can reach $17,000. Violations of housing and transportation agreements can be as high as $59,000. The fines are based on individual workers, and are multiplied by the total number of workers whose contractual rights are deemed to have been violated.

These fees may deter some farms from getting involved with the program, especially when, by comparison, fines for hiring undocumented workers range from just $600 to about $4,000 for first-time offenders.

Muzaffar Chishti, the director of the Migration Policy Institute at New York University School of Law, described the penalties as a "slap on the wrist."

"Hiring unauthorized people has become part of the business model for a lot of employers," Chishti told Newsweek. "The consequences are so minimal that it is worth taking the risk."

From the migrant workers' point of view, U.S. agricultural employment serves as what former President Donald Trump's Ambassador to Mexico Christopher Landau described as a "pull factor." Migrants from Central America comprise a large percentage of those traveling to the U.S. in the hope of starting a new life, and while factors like violence at home and climate-driven weather events can serve as a "push" to seek refuge elsewhere, job opportunities also draw them to the U.S.

Agricultural workers from Bud Farms harvest celery for both American and export consumption on March 26, 2020 in Oxnard, California.

Landau told Newsweek he believes the U.S. should address some of those pull factors before trying to change the push factors in other countries, which he said would likely require a "multi-generational effort."

"I think, ultimately, the United States is making a terrible mistake by thinking that the answer for our country lies in trying to fix other countries," he told Newsweek. "We don't have a great track record in terms of nation-building. It seems to me the answer is much closer to home. I don't see how we can't get our own employers to stop hiring people illegally."

The H-2A program employers like Minard use today has a history dating back to the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1952, which created the H-2 temporary visa program for foreign workers, and was refined in the Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986, which created the H-2A and H-2B programs for agricultural and nonagricultural workers, respectively.

Before the H-2A program existed, the Bracero program was used widely among agricultural employers between the 1940s and 1960s. The Bracero History Archive estimates that about 4.6 million temporary worker contracts were signed during that time period. But the archive notes the program was riddled with problems rooted in employers' unwillingness to abide by its worker protection rules, which contributed to its demise and eventual replacement with the H-2 program.

Despite the existing legal options, the avenues for attaining these visas remain tight.

The H-2A visa process requires employers to follow a three-step process dictated by U.S. Citizenship & Immigration Services (USCIS). It starts with employers filing a temporary labor certification with the U.S. Department of Labor. Then, they must file an I-129 petition to hire a "nonimmigrant worker" to USCIS. Once completed, the prospective worker then applies for the H-2A visa at a U.S. embassy before journeying to the United States.

Though the steps sound simple, each part contains multiple sub-steps, which can be time-consuming and confusing. Minard's farm has experienced the complexity of the process firsthand.

"It's costly, there're a lot of regulations, a lot of record keeping," Minard told Newsweek. "For your average farmer, it may seem like a lot.

Because jobs requiring H-2A workers must also be offered equally to American workers, employers like Minard need to advertise the job opportunity locally, and must continue to do so until the H-2A workers complete at least half the time on their contract.

Minard says the American workers at his farm generally last only a few days. Nonetheless, he must hire eligible Americans when they apply.

Along with this regulation, Minard says a mandate requiring employers to offer paid hours during 75% of the duration of the H-2A contract, known as the "three-fourths guarantee," presents a logistical risk. On apple farms, for example, a frost might wipe out portions of the crop, calling for increased hours one week and virtually no hours the next. Farms who hire workers through the H-2A program must be equipped to pay their workers through the duration of their contract, even if weather conditions reduce the expected revenue yield from a crop.

"I think a lot of employers say, 'Well, what the heck, why should I bother to comply with the law, if my competitor down the road is hiring illegals and getting away with it?'" former-Ambassador Landau told Newsweek. "This is basically a way to get around a lot of the laws we put in place to protect workers in this country."

Undocumented agricultural workers face multiple forms of exploitation. In some cases, they encounter unsafe, dirty workplace conditions. In other cases, they face high productivity expectations that may result in long days under the sun with few breaks. However, even if the conditions and schedule mirror a law-abiding U.S. workplace, there are further risks.

Employers may tell undocumented workers their wages will be less due to their lack of legal status. Workers may feel compelled to stay silent after facing harassment by their supervisor. Workers who are qualified for full-time staff positions may be contracted for freelance or temporary work, devoid of employee protections and insurance options, due to their status.

Agricultural workers from Bud Farms harvest celery for both American and export consumption on March 26, 2020 in Oxnard, California. These agricultural workers are mostly migrant Spanish-speakers. They earn just above minimum wage, and in a good six-day week working 10 hours a day, they can earn around $1100.

"Are (those examples) as bad an exploitation as a sweatshop worker being chained to the assembly line?" Chishti said to Newsweek. "No, but it's exploitation made only by the status of the worker. All these things have been happening on the side while Congress has been vacillating on immigration reform."

The Farm Worker Modernization Act could provide a key step toward change in the agricultural sector. However, Chishti said for immigration policies to realize their full potential, they must coincide with comprehensive reform. He said in order for the country to have a successful immigration system, new avenues toward legal immigration, mandatory E-Verify, and overhauls to the H-2A program must be implemented together.

One element of the proposed legislation suggests expanding and requiring use of E-Verify, which cross-references an employee's I-9 form with records available to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and the Social Security Administration to confirm employment eligibility. The program was created in the mid-1990s, and has evolved to enable U.S. employers—about 967,000 of whom use it—to check a worker's employment eligibility online within seconds.

"E-Verify to me is the lynchpin of an effective immigration reform proposal," Chishti told Newsweek.

Chishti warns that if the nation cannot implement these reforms together, both employers and immigrants will find ways around the missing components. Without a reformed H-2A program or alternate legal method for employment, people will continue to illegally cross the border in search of work.

They may bring fake documents to prove their qualification for the job, and these qualifications may be approved without a mandatory, improved employment verification system. And without a clear path toward citizenship, those workers who do make it through are likely to face exploitation and miss out on the chance to and fully participate in American society.

"What I see as our choice is: Do we want as a country to have the people who live and work here be here legally, or illegally?" Landau told Newsweek. "I don't think that should be a hard choice."

[montagnarde1793]

Ribbons of Scarlet: A predictably terrible novel on the French Revolution (part 4)

Parts 1, 2, 3 and 5.

Inaccuracies: the minor, the inconsistent, the fuck no and the unintentionally hilarious

I have no intention of detailing every historical inaccuracy in this book. I’d say we’d be here all day, but we’ve already been here all day, so maybe all week?

The book is riddled with minor errors, oversimplifications and dubious interpretations — some of which could be chalked up in theory to writing from a limited POV, but this is not a book that allows for that kind of complexity. Opinions may be those of the characters, but explanations for events and who belongs to what group and so on tend to be those of the authors regardless of which character is speaking.

Given the level of detail of this book, I would count things like Condorcet’s being made a member of the Constituent Assembly or the Revolutionary Tribunal being founded by September 1792 minor errors. They might even have been deliberate (combining the Constituent and the Legislative Assemblies or the Tribunal of 27 August and the Revolutionary Tribunal, for “simplicity”’s sake).

“Les Enragés” is also an official group and that’s their official self-designation in the world of this novel. Um. Ok.

Also things like the complete lack of self-awareness revealed by the assumption that because 21st century Americans consider omelettes a breakfast food this must be a universal constant.

Anyway, I find that kind of thing irritating but pretty inevitable. Errare humanum est and all that.

Other minor errors are forgivable in and of themselves, I suppose, but indicative of a larger lack of understanding, similar to some of the implausible scenarios the authors set up (cf. Manon Roland’s random trip to Caen).

There’s a moment, for example, when one of the figures on trial for “conspiracy” in the red shirt affair appeals to the crowd by saying “I am suspected merely because I am an émigré.” (p. 490) which is hilarious when you realize the fact of being an émigré and returning to France after the cut-off date was already punishable by execution — a law pushed among others by our friends the reasonable, moderate “Girondins.” And I say this not to condemn them (on this point, at least) — there were actual, serious arguments in support of such a law — but to highlight a trend. The authors have decided that certain figures are reasonable, so they give them what they consider to be reasonable opinions, whether or not those opinions line up with those they actually held and, as we’ll see, they’ve decided others are dangerous extremists, so likewise they only get to do things the authors consider extreme, or at best hypocritical.

Usually there’s at least some consistency to the errors — too much in fact, as noted. But the fanciful claim that the guillotine was painted red and that everyone who was executed was dressed in red to hide the blood is repeated more than once, before being replaced with the accurate assertion that dressing the condemned in red was reserved for assassins (also arsonists and poisoners, in accordance with the penal code of 1791).

More serious are the “errors” that serve a certain narrative, like the repeated assertion that Louis XVI abolished torture and notably execution by breaking on the wheel. Er… no he didn’t. I’m going to charitably assume that the authors just confused torture for the purposes of obtaining a confession with torture as a punishment. Louis XVI abolished the former, not the latter. That may seem like a nitpick, but they make a very big fuss about it.

People were still being broken on the wheel until the implementation of the Constituent Assembly’s penal code which provided that all executions should be equal and as quick and painless as possible — ultimately leading to the adoption of the guillotine. The first execution by guillotine is apparently such a crucial event that we have to implausibly have Louis XVI’s sister sneak out and witness it, but we’ll just ignore the fact that the “hero” La Fayette’s cousin bloodily repressed the mutiny of Swiss soldiers in Nancy resulting in a number of hangings and one man being broken on the wheel — repression that La Fayette applauded — in 1790, because 1790 is a year in which nothing happened.

Besides, as is well known, La Fayette never did anything wrong (Sophie de Grouchy forgives him for firing on her when she was petitioning for a republic in 1791 (p. 509-510) so you should too, I guess. Though while we’re here, her signing the Champ de Mars petition is a pretty unlikely scenario, actually, given that only the Cordeliers petition remained after the Assembly’s 15 July decree and that even before that Condorcet didn’t dare to sign his articles in favor of a much less democratic republic than the Cordeliers were advocating for Le Républicain (which prudently stopped publication after 15 July).)

The abolition of torture thing is merely one of a number of errors or exaggeratedly charitable interpretations of Louis XVI’s actions to fit the myth of the fundamentally well-meaning, soft-hearted reformer who was just in over his head. Mme Élisabeth’s violence, while I commend it for its accuracy, serves to highlight her brother’s pacifism. We’re meant to believe that of course it was nothing but revolutionary slander/conspiracy theories to think he was actually intending to use foreign troops to restore himself to absolute power, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Mme Élisabeth asserts that she would like that to happen but her brother would never and Manon Roland confirms it from her point of view too.

On a similar note, Condorcet gets his usual “consensual figure” treatment. We’re unsurprisingly fed the myth of Condorcet as the paragon of democracy and feminism, with nary a touch of ambiguity. Even Pauline Léon can only reproach him with being ineffectual. That’s par for the course, as is framing the people’s fears of grain speculation as a conspiracy theory at least from Sophie de Grouchy’s point of view, though nothing in the text contradicts her at any point (p. 61), but framing Condorcet’s pre-revolutionary math lectures at the Lycée as him and his wife opening a school for popular education and Sophie de Grouchy personally teaching Reine Audu to read at her husband’s invitation… That’s pretty disingenuous.

On the other hand, nothing is too awful to be believed without question of the “radical” revolutionaries, whether it comes from dubious sources (as regards the myths about Lamballe being stripped naked and/or raped before or — depending on the “source” — after being massacred, or about Charlotte Corday’s head being slapped by the executioner and her body examined for evidence of virginity, or Robespierre’s lusting over Émilie de Sainte-Amaranthe and personally participating in Catherine Théot’s rituals) or is just made up. Surely the September Massacres were bad enough without imagining that random bystanders — including children — were being raped and massacred in the streets? Since calling for the execution of adult royals based on their actual actions doesn’t sound sinister enough, let’s have Pauline Léon demand the massacre of Louis XVI’s underage children too!

On that note, I have to wonder whether part of the problem is that we’re so used to hearing about atrocities on a scale that dwarfs anything that happened in the 1790s that what the sources suggest — which could still be pretty ugly, don’t get me wrong — doesn’t live up to the hype. The French Revolution is built up in reactionary propaganda like it’s one of the periods of the worst violence in history. I suspect that it’s like with a scary movie: your imagination will conjure up something far scarier than what they could show you on screen. So, expecting to find horrors, you readily believe whichever sources (or “sources”) have the most of them and fill in the blanks when the sources don’t match up to your image of what terror, chaos and violence look like.

It’s basically just deductive reasoning: they say there was horrific violence, so I’m going to depict what must have happened according to my mental image of horrific violence. It’s no different really from deciding a character is reasonable and therefore giving them the opinions you find reasonable. But not only is this poor methodology (which perhaps you don’t care about, as a novelist), it sucks out everything that’s nuanced or complicated or surprising about history for the sake of flattering your own prejudices. And that’s a shame.

Anyway, as for the red shirt affair, it’s generally believed by historians to be a cynical maneuver on the part of the Committee of General Security* to make Robespierre look like a tyrant by executing a large group of supposed co-conspirators with would-be assassins Ladmirat/Ladmiral and Cécile Renault but needless to say — and following G. Lenotre’s lead — that’s not at all how it’s portrayed here. Robespierre is of course personally involved for his own (necessarily hypocritical) reasons. He wants Émilie de Sainte-Amaranthe but in this telling she and her family have reason to believe he’s cozying up to royalists like them for personal political gain too. Oh, also, Saint-Just and Fouquier-Tinville are lusting over Émilie de Sainte-Amaranthe too, because why the fuck not?

*To use the misleading standard translation (sûreté ≠ sécurité)

Particularly ludicrous is the insinuation that not only did the Convention abolish slavery entirely as an expedient — which, to be fair, some historians argue, though there’s ample evidence that proves there was more to it than that — but that they had to because otherwise the British and Spanish would come to the slaves’ aid first. As if the plantation owners were not doing their level best to deliver their colonies over to the British precisely to preserve slavery. That bit was just insulting.

But you know, why let a little thing like reality interfere with dividing the world into reasonable people and hypocritical demagogues and the mobs that they incite, am I right?

And it’s often the absence of certain realities that poses the greatest problem. Like, counterrevolutionaries aren’t a real threat, that’s all a figment of the revolutionaries’ imagination... but as usual this idea coexists uncomfortably with the existence of actual counterrevolutionaries in the narrative.

The war, which dominated everyone’s reality from 1792 onward, is barely mentioned. Manon Roland is made to treat the idea that the Prussians were well positioned to march on Paris after the surrender of Verdun as an absurd rumor (p. 268-269) and we’re meant to agree. (This was very much not an imaginary threat, if you didn’t know.)

Also! Get ready because I’m going to cite Serna favorably for once:

Il est frappant de noter combien l’historiographie s’est de suite intéressée aux massacres de Paris et aux prisonniers d’Orléans, sans vraiment porter son intérêt sur les morts civils sur le front et la mise à sac des villes et villages à la frontière, deux poids deux mesures qui ne peuvent qu’interroger.

–      Pierre Serna, « « La France est république » : Comment est né le Nouveau Régime dans le Patriote français de Brissot » dans Michel Biard, Philippe Bourdin, Hervé Leuwers et Pierre Serna, dir., 1792. Entrer en République, Paris, A. Colin, 2013, NP, note 37.

(Translation: “It’s striking to note how the historiography took an immediate interest in the massacres in Paris and the prisoners of Orléans, without really getting interested in the civilian deaths at the front and the sacking of cities and towns along the border, a double standard that we can’t help but question.”)

I mean, we know why: military violence, up to and including every kind of war crime, is normal and expected as long as it’s a proper war conducted between two foreign powers (though the various foyers of civil war also don’t really come up in this book). But yeah, that is a pretty big fucking hypocritical double standard, isn’t it? And one that this particular novel reflects rather than invents (as is also true of many of its other flaws, to be entirely fair).

It’s also particularly ironic, for a book that touts itself as feminist, that the real gains made by women regarding inheritance, marriage redefined as a contract between equal partners dissolvable by divorce, the rights of single mothers and illegitimate children and so on — even if the periods of Reaction that followed reversed them — are nowhere to be seen. Nor do we see women voting on the constitution of 1793 or fighting in the army or any of a number of things real women did. I concede that no one novel can be expected to show everything, but given the things they bent over backward to include, would it have been so difficult to include things that are thematically relevant?

This wouldn’t even piss me off so much except for the way Pauline Léon’s storyline ends. Her arc consists of her being convinced of the folly of those of her beliefs that the author doesn’t approve of so that she can be used as a mouthpiece for the moral the author wants us to take from all this and then being forced into marriage because she gets pregnant. And I cite (p. 433):

They would silence us all.

One woman at a time.

First the Angel of Assassination. Then Widow Capet, who had once been queen. Olympe de Gouges five days ago. Now proud Manon Roland.

A professed Girondin, Manon was still against tyranny and had been an advocate for the republic since the dawn of the Terror. Once, I wouldn’t have been able to admit that, but I could admit it now. Now that it’s too late.

And, when she tells Théophile Leclerc he got her pregnant, he replies (p. 435):

“‘We must marry. You’ve no other choice,’” he continued when I didn’t respond. […]

We had wanted liberty in France. But what freedom was there now? I had none. Théo would possess me utterly. I knew it, because the look her gave me had me wanting to crumble to the ground. All the choices I’d fought years for had been stripped away.

And now, I was nothing.

If there’s one point in history before the last 50 years or so that that’s not true it’s in 1793, when this scene is set. Will she be more comfortably off if she marries? Yes, and that would unfortunately be true pregnant or not. But there’s nothing forcing her to marry him if she doesn’t want to and even if she does he doesn’t own or control her under revolutionary marriage law. Were things perfect for women in 1793? Of course not, but given that they were a lot worse both before and especially after, I’m more than a little sick of 1793 being portrayed as the most misogynist of all the misogynist eras.

Ironically though, they omit Amar’s report and the closing of women’s political societies* which is a far more relevant and accurate point if you’re trying to make the case for revolutionary misogyny. Not to mention, it’s kind of baffling to leave it out of Pauline Léon’s storyline as it was targeted against the society she led in particular. (Her section ends instead with Manon Roland’s execution.) But I guess that would require introducing Amar and we can’t have people believing that Robespierre, Danton and Marat weren’t the only Montagnards; they might get confused otherwise. Maybe at this point I should just be glad they didn’t give Robespierre Amar’s speech in the name of consolidation of characters?

*NB, mixed societies were never closed (until the Thermidorian Reaction shut down all political clubs), so the result is a bit more ambiguous than is often claimed.

Anyway. We’ll finally conclude this mess in the next part…

[allie1804-fan]

Ile de Re (Chapter 1)

I wrote this fic  last year, mostly while on holiday on this lovely island.  If you are on Archive of Our Own, you may have seen it before. Written before Matrix 4 was announced and before Covid so sorry that the timelines are no longer realistic!

Summary

Keanu meets a chef to help him prepare for a movie role. Events conspire for them to spend even more time together than they planned and despite the large age gap, romance ensues.

1 2 3 4 5  6 7 8

April 2020

Keanu hung up the phone and quietly fist pumped to himself. He’d just had news that a new project had been green lit. It was one he’d been collaborating on for some time - where he’d play an American chef, somewhat down on his luck who was establishing a new restaurant in a rural French town. The thing that thrilled him most was that the project afforded him the chance to finally learn how to cook – at least a bit - because he’d need to demonstrate some skill in the film itself and to ‘find’ his character he wanted to understand more about the craft of being a chef – especially the passion that drove them.

He went to his office and pulled out his laptop, opening a file holding details of some chefs who Erwin’s team had tracked down that fit the bill in terms of the knowledge they had and their personal experiences. He dropped an e mail first to a chef names Yves Le Gouhier and another to a woman called Claire Bonnevin. They each had restaurants in LA but were French natives who had trained at home before heading to America to open restaurants of their own. He hoped that the guy would say yes since he felt he’d probably relate better to his experience however he checked out both of their bios and looked at restaurant reviews on line.

A few days later, the decision was made for him as to who would give him the coaching as Mr Le Gouhier was out of town for at least a couple of months, establishing a new restaurant whereas Ms Bonnevin was able to fit him in for some daily ‘classes’ starting the following week. Whilst mildly disappointed, he also recalled that he’d actually eaten at Ms Bonnevin’s place once and had really rated the cooking which mixed homespun flavours with Gallic finesse - the seafood there was to die for.  He responded quickly in the affirmative, and ever the perfectionist, asked if there was anything he needed to bring or any preparatory work he could do before Monday. Claire replied that if he could let her have a working copy of the script and tell her what his favourite meal was before the weekend – they could work on the skills he’d need to demonstrate in the film and, depending on what the meal was, also aim to make his favourite meal to a good standard by the end of the week. If he had some friends who’d like to eat what he made, then he should ask them if they were free.

“What a question!” he pondered, thinking about what his favourite meal was. Keanu was a man who liked to eat - so much so that he needed the counsel of his trainer Denise to keep off the pounds in between films! Would it be a good steak with garlicky greens and crushed potatoes?, veal with a cream and mushroom sauce, roast lamb with flageolets and dauphinois potatoes – this task was just making him hungry!  He decided on the latter thinking it would be a challenge and fitted with the style of cooking they had at “Le Chat Botte” which was Claire’s restaurant. The pressure of feeding something he’d made that wasn’t bacon and eggs or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was both thrilling and unnerving. He messaged his sister Kim, his mother and friends Rob, Alex and Josh who were all pleased to be free although they joked that they might need to go to Macdonald’s to fill up afterwards!

Monday came around and Keanu pulled up at “Le Chat Botte” at 9am prompt. Entering via the service entrance as instructed, he walked into a spotless kitchen with gleaming stainless steel work stations, hobs and ovens  ranged along one wall and a large wooden kitchen table in the centre which had 2 sets of chopping boards in different colours along with a variety of knives, spatulas and other cooking implements arranged side by side in the centre of the table. No-one was in sight though Keanu could hear the sound of a voice coming from an adjoining room. Walking across the kitchen he stuck his head round the door of what turned out to be an office where he saw a petite, dark haired woman he recognised (from her bio) as Claire Bonnevin  - she was speaking to someone on the phone in French. She raised her hand to him in greeting, mouthing sorry and hurried to complete the call.

“Oui, Oui, je te rapellerai demain  - mon nouvel client vient d’arriver, oui oui c’est lui, donc il faut que j’accroche.  D’accord d’accord, je sais. Au revoir”

Claire turned to Keanu blushing - she had the distinct impression that he’d understood that she’d just referred to him in her conversation.

“so sorry about that – that was my restaurant manager back home in France just giving me an update on my dad  - he’s not been too well recently so we’ve been talking every day” Her English accent was excellent with only a slight gallic note.

Keanu stuck out his hand

“Nice to meet you Ms Bonnevin and no problem – you didn’t need to rush them off the line on my account”

Claire smiled and shook his hand, “I heard you were impossibly polite! – of course I did, I was eating into your paid time – nice to meet you too by the way. Keanu grinned - Claire could feel the colour rising in her cheeks again  - she wasn’t exactly sure why - maybe it was the directness of his gaze or the brilliance of his smile.

“So, are you ready for your training?”

Keanu chuckled and responded with what he thought was the expected reply “hell yeah” but Claire didn’t react, “maybe the Matrix reference was unintentional” he thought – she was pretty young after all, (her bio said she was 35) so maybe she was one of the few whom it had passed by!

“So let’s go through to the kitchen and get started” she said leading the way back to the room where Keanu had entered earlier.

For the next 4 hours they talked through and tried out some of the particular skills that would be needed in kitchen scenes. Whilst they worked, they got to know each other a little with Claire wanting to find out about Keanu’s food knowledge and experience and Keanu quizzing her about her beginnings in the industry. He discovered that she grew up on a tiny west coast island in France called L’Ile de Re” where her Dad still owned a restaurant called, like hers in LA, “Le Chat Botte”.  He no longer worked as a chef there but lived in the little village where it was, hence the manager being able to keep Claire appraised of his health.  She’d learned her craft there and then moved on to train in Paris, New York and then LA to establish her namesake restaurant in the US.

For her part, from what Keanu said, she could see that despite not having grown up in a house where people had a passion for cooking, he nevertheless clearly had a passion for food  - from the humble sandwich to fine foods from around the globe. He was also a quick study, picking up the knife skills needed to finely chop onions and garlic on film that he’d need. She was a patient teacher, though she would occasionally break into French when she was struggling to communicate the exact technique such as when at first he couldn’t master the rotation of the knife needed to chop finely:

“tient tient, comme ca” she said, placing her hand over his to show how the blade needed to rock back and forth over the garlic.

At 12 they broke for lunch at which point Claire challenged Keanu to make her his best sandwich from the ingredients on hand. He asked her what she liked and created a layered club sandwich which she declared excellent. By the time he left at 1pm, Keanu was convinced that she was an excellent choice of teacher and one he’d enjoy learning from. He could hardly wait for the next day when they were going to study cuts of meat by going to Claire’s favourite butcher.

The week progressed with a mix of hands on cooking classes and continued trips to suppliers which served to explain the importance of provenance and quality ingredients. They also worked on timings  and started to plan the stages of creating the menu Keanu had planned for Friday’s lunch.

On Thursday Keanu tried out the dauphinois potatoes and was thrilled with the result - he was really starting to enjoy cooking and his rapid growth in skill. Claire praised him warmly and suggested he try a dessert as well for the next day.

“You could try something simple like a mousse au chocolat but I think you’re ready to really wow them”

“Oh yeah?” Keanu grinned “With what?”

“A tarte Tatin”

“What!, are you sure?”

“Absolutely – you’re an excellent student - let’s do one today together, you’ll master it I’m sure”

She showed him how to prepare the sugar and butter in a special tin that could go on the stove and then in the oven to finish. They prepped the apples placing them rounded side down in the tin and proceeded to caramelise the butter and sugar until it was a gorgeous molten mahogany. Then he learned how to make the shortcrust pastry using cool hands to rub the butter into the flour then bring it together to a dough which rested in the fridge. Once rolled out, he placed it onto the cooled apples, tucking in the edges round the sides. The result when they turned the tarte out (upside down to reveal the apples) was amazing – sweet, tender apples with the sugary caramel cut a little by freshly grated lemon rind and a melt in the mouth pastry to top it off.

“See!” she smiled, “I knew you could do it”

“No, you did it!” he grinned

“Well, OK so today we both did it but tomorrow it will all be down to you”

Friday came and Keanu got to the restaurant at 8am wanting to have as much time as possible to get everything perfect.

By 11.30 the lamb was resting, his gratin and tarte were in the oven and the beans were simmering gently.

The meal was beginning with a simple salade aux lardons  - it was time to dress it with the vinaigrette he’d made earlier. He started to toss it gently but some lettuce flipped out over the side

“Watch out you don’t drop too many said Claire – unless you want lots of children’ she laughed!

“What?” Keanu asked, shooting her a quizzical look.

“it’s a saying we have in France that the number of leaves you drop when you’re tossing the salad tells you the number of kids you’ll have.

“Oh right” he chuckled, “that’s cute, but it’s way too late for that”

“What do you mean?, you’d have time to have them if you wanted, surely”

“I’m too old Claire”

“What, you must only be what?”, she paused to look at him and consider his face “…. About 45”

“Ha ha” Keanu laughed heartily.

“No, I’m fifty five”

“Merde” she exclaimed “ce n’est pas possible!”

Keanu shook his head and smiled - he loved how she reverted to French when she was reacting spontaneously to something.  

“I’m afraid it’s true, so even if I had a wife or even a girlfriend, I still think it’s too late to be having babies. I might be dead before they’re 20 or 30.

Claire’s face clouded over

“Sorry I didn’t mean to be all maudlin” he said

“Don’t worry, it’s just my mother died when I was 25 so I know that’s hard – but people die all the time, young and old.

“Ain’t that the truth” Keanu agreed quietly, remembering his own past.

“and lots of guys have babies when they’re older. Maybe you shouldn’t rule it out”

“Maybe maybe, anyway, enough serious talk, we should raise a toast before our guests arrive”

He poured himself and Claire a glass of wine.

“Here’s to satisfied customers!” she said

“and here’s to you for being such an amazing teacher – I can’t believe you’ve got me this far so fast”

“well that’s really down to you” she replied, smiling, “you work so hard and learn so quickly, it’s very impressive”

“I don’t know about that!” he said blushing, “Anyway, let’s not get ahead ourselves, I haven’t served it yet!!

They put down their glasses and Claire went to see if the guests had arrived at the table they had set aside in the restaurant. Meanwhile Keanu busied himself with finishing the salad and carving the lamb which he was happy to see was just the right shade of pink. He put it in the warming oven and also took out the tarte Tatin praying that it would be as good as the one yesterday when he turned it out later. Finally, with the main course as ready as it could be, he took the salad and some French bread through to the dining room.

The meal went down a storm - at the end Keanu stood and raised a toast to Claire

“Thank you for all your kind words folks but we really need to toast this amazing lady who has taught this old meat head some cooking skill. He took her hand and placed it over his heart

“ thank you, thank you, merci beaucoups, I’ll be forever grateful!”

Claire laughed and blushed.

“Just wait until next week when we’ll have you working in the restaurant kitchen, then you might not be such a fan!”

He laughed

“That may be!”

They said their goodbyes to Keanu’s amazed guests and went to clean down the kitchen.

“How’s your dad by the way?”

“Oh about the same apparently – no better, but no worse, he just needs to take it easy and stay off his damn bike”

“Oh, a pushbike or a motorbike?” Keanu asked, his interest peaked

“A push bike – he’s not a racer guy like you!” Claire saw Keanu pull up each day often on different bikes so she knew about his passion for them.

“everyone goes everywhere on bikes on the Ile de Re” she continued - it’s a cyclist’s paradise with cycle paths across the salt marshes and oyster beds and through the forests. But he had a heart attack last year and whilst he is supposed to exercise, he just pushes himself too much and that worries me”

“Do you have any other family there to keep an eye on him?”

“No, I’m an only child and there are no aunts or uncles either.

“Is your father still alive? She asked.

“Yeah – well at least I haven’t heard otherwise! He left my mother when I was three and I haven’t seen him since I was 13.”

“Mon dieu that must have been tough growing up without a dad”

“Yeah well I had my mum and my sister - he wouldn’t have been a good role model anyway”

“I could see today that you adore Kim and your mother”

“Yeah, yeah  I do - family and friends are my rocks to come back to  - after every project that’s what I look forward to”

“You know you’re not at all what I expected!” Claire stated.

“Oh, how so?” he asked

“Well, a couple of people I mentioned you to said they heard you were a nice guy and very polite but I guess I just expected someone more ………..starry, you know!”

Keanu burst out laughing.

“Well I’ll take that as a complement” he said

“you should – you’ve made it a very easy first week of teaching” she smiled

“Well thanks” he said the colour rising in his cheeks.

They finished up in the kitchen and Keanu took his leave saying he’d see her at 9am prompt on Monday for his week in the working kitchen.  He’d enjoyed her company so much that he’d almost asked her to dinner but held himself in check. She was so much younger than him and he knew his feelings weren’t entirely platonic. She was very cute with olive skin, beautiful eyes and a slender yet not too skinny figure – he didn’t really have a type but she hit the spot with him. He’d just have to quash those thoughts, focus on the learning and keep things on a friendly footing.

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