#and I think about things I haven't written in a while

[theanimeroom]

BOMBSHELL | TEASER

synopsis: five men, five women, one villa. with hearts and a $50,000 cash prize on the line, who will win the race to find love?

warnings: love island au featuring: tokyo revengers, blue lock, and jujutsu kaisen, lots of kissing, smut, multi characters × reader, lots of mixed pairings, very random challenges, fluff, slow burns, mentions of cheating, drama, angst, plenty of tears, multi fandom, and playlists included!

a/n: content warnings will be posted with each chapter, so be sure to read thoroughly before indulging! i haven't written a full fic in a while, so any beta readers would be appreciated to make sure that the story comes out as best as it could <3 the story will progress through my own discretion as well as voting at the end of each chapter, so make sure to cast your votes to see how the plot will unfold!

BOMBSHELL MASTERLIST

your heartbeat was erratic as you stood in front of the fire pit and your host, eyes scanning the expanse of the large, beautiful villa that you'd been staying at for the past four weeks.

you still remember the first day that you walked in here; a plethora of pretty faces greeting you with happy smiles and intrigued expressions. you reminisced the way that you were almost as nervous as you are now, eyes wide and palms clammy as you tried to ignore the growing anxiety surging through you. you thought about all the experiences you'd had up until this point, all the friends you made, all the things you learned about yourself, and most importantly, him.

out of everything that you had been through in your time at the villa, one thing that made the whole experience worth it was finally meeting the person of your dreams. you came onto the show thinking that it would be something fun, maybe slightly embarrassing, but fun nonetheless. you never thought that you would come out the end with someone that you could call your own, someone who understood you seemingly better than you knew yourself. despite all the fights, all the tears, and everything in between, you managed to come out the other end okay. happy even.

and you weren't the only one.

your gaze fluttered to your best friend, who stood two people away from you, a proud smile crossing your lips even with your nerves consuming you. you weren't the only person who came into the villa with baggage on their shoulders, yet none of you let it stop you. a brief image of you holding her as she cried into your arms flashed through your mind, the sadness and betrayal leaving her a wreck in your makeup room. you'd thought for a moment that it would be the end of your time together, yet you were happy to see her pull through and find happiness in the end.

everyone here had done their absolute best, even with their rights and wrongs, and that thought alone was enough to quell the queasy feeling building up in your stomach.

"alright islanders, it is officially time," the hosts' voice chopped through the nerve-wracking silence with ease, her calm expression giving no hints as to how the end of the night would go. a long sigh escaped your flared nostrils as you closed your eyes, teeth grazing your bottom lip as you forced your emotions to stay in check.

a soft hand turned your attention to your left, air escaping you as you looked up at the man you could truly say you were starting to love. he smirked at you, his own expression laced with playfulness as he tried his best to calm you down. a large grin spread across your face when you felt fingers interlocking with yours, a gentle squeeze giving you all the reassurance you needed to keep yourself grounded for the time being. your breath halted as he leaned down, lips just barely touching the shell of your ear as he whispered to you softly. "we'll be fine, baby."

you pulled away so you could glance into his eyes, a small nod giving him confirmation that you heard what he said. you trust him, probably more than you should.

"it has been a long, hard journey for those of you remaining," your host started, giving a soft smile to each of the islanders standing on the other side of the firepit. "yet, each of you has managed to find a connection here in the villa. although some of you have been through more struggles than others," you could feel the heat rising onto your face when your eyes made direct contact with hers, a snort escaping you as you laughed with the rest of the islanders that you could now call your best friends. "you all have made it to the finals, and are now in the running for the 50,000 dollar prize on the line."

you subconsciously tightened your grip on his hand at the mention of the prize, your body weight shifting from one foot to the other. you wanted to win, wanted that 50,000 so badly so you could finish your schooling without issues. yet, you were content with whatever outcome was prepared for you. in the end, as long as you had him next to you, you would give up the money in a heartbeat.

"since the start of the show, the country has been voting for their favorite love island couple," each word she spoke left your anxiety spiking, your mind begging her to just hurry up and give the results before your heart exploded from suspense. "but now, they have voted for their official love island winner."

you held your breath as you stared at the host, silence taking over the villa as she picked up a small envelope from the couch behind her. you eyed the paper with angst as she peeled it open slowly, reading the results before looking up at the lot of you behind the fire pit.

you watched as her jaw flexed, a breath getting sucked into your mouth as your heart started to beat so fast you thought it would jump out of your chest.

her mouth opened, eyes scanning the crowd before the first words left her lips. "and the winner... of love island is..."

[danielsarmand]

i really personally don't give a shit if you like tommy or not, that's not my favourite character and even then i would not care; furthermore, i don't give a damn about the constant discorse that's been going on ever since bucktommy happened BUT i do find it funny that no matter what tommy says or does, down to the most neutral of things, people will find a way to make it negative. every single one of his lines goes through the wringer a thousand times over, you'd think phds were being written on the matter. haven't seen this vitriol in a while is all

[howlingday]

Taiyang: So you want to be a Harem Protag, huh?

Jaune, confused: No, not really?

Taiyang: Too bad, The Fandom is making you one.

---------------------------------------------------

RWBY Harem Protag

Supplemental Form

So, you've finally got the nerve to ask that cool drink of water you've been sweet on and she finally talked back? Your childhood friend, whom you haven't seen in ten years (according to the fics), has just come back into town and you're already getting along like you never separated. And your big sister has taken to cooking you some wholesome American Canadian lunchboxes full of jelly donuts, hash browns, and mashed potatoes croissants, maple syrup, and poutine. You're probably feeling pretty good about yourself, huh?

NOW STOP.

Because you've found yourself in a dangerous situation that has spelled disaster for many young men like yourself across this great kingdom of ours. You are now the protagonist of a HAREM ANIME, and if you don't act quickly, it could destroy your entire life.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "How could this possibly be a bad thing? Girls chasing after me left and right? Who could be unhappy about that?" You could, son, because your life is now in a state of karmic imbalance.

For every bit of fortune you experience with the opposite sex, there will be equal misfortune in everything else. You must prepare yourself for a string of disasters that could ruin your life and enough accidental sexual misconduct to start your own hashtag.

By the way, you better be taking notes on this because odds are that you're fucking dense as fuck, and probably the worst fucking character ever written.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DO NOT PANIC.

This is especially important for you because if you do panic, you're gonna end up stripping or groping someone. The laws of the universe itself are now conspiring to have as many female friends of yours to end up naked in front of you as humanly possible.

It's like Murphy's Law; what can go wrong will go wrong, and anything that can go wild will go wild.

Practice your balance and maintain awareness of your surroundings, especially behind you. If not, someone will bump into you and then your hand ends up down her skirt and your face goes into her tits and then there will be a second girl behind you for you to bump your face into her ass. You might think you can avoid this by never going outside, but if you do, all of your female friends will converge on your location to make sure you're okay.

One will arrive first and the second will arrive just in time to find you both in a compromising and erotic position after you stumble into the first girl while trying to be a good host and getting her some donuts and Canadian beer. This happens every time, without fail.

Don't bother asking your parents for help. They've already fucked off to another kingdom and threw away their scrolls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REMEMBER YOUR ABCs.

AWARENESS. BALANCE. CLENCHED FISTS.

You can't strip or grope someone if your hand isn't open. However, this will result in you punching a lot of tits.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IDENTIFY YOUR HAREM.

Utilizing the prior form, you can identify your harem members by the "Tropes" they exhibit. These tropes will determine their entire personalities. These tropes will graviate to the most boring fucking character in the series, that's you by the way, and will be drawn to your complete lack of character or personality like magnets to a pole.

The first trope to identify is the "Tsundere," who will appear as a cold front that gets warmer over time. This shifting in personality will be the one responsible for the most change in your harem. There is always, at minimum, on tsundere present, though scientists are still unsure as to why. You can easily identify the tsundere by her iconic catchphrase, "It's not because I like you, b-baka." You can also identify her by her being a massive fucking bitch to you, like, all the fucking time. In fact, don't forget to guard your head as most harem protagonists receive some form of massive head trauma as a result of a tsundere retaliation, which results in failure to read social cues or MAKING UP THEIR FUCKING MINDS FOR THE LOVE OF REMNANT JESUS!

However, this danger pales in comparison to the second trope to be aware of, the "Yandere". You can compare the yandere to a tornado, as she will absolutely fuck shit up around her in her attempt to keep you at the center of her world. You can identify her by her too sweet smile or by calling you a pet name like "darling" even though she knows your real name. If you find yourself in this scenario, you only have one option: RUN! AND RUN FAST! You will need to fake your death, move to another kingdom (preferably on a different continent), and assume a new identity there. If you require help, please do not hesitate to view the prior film in this series, "SO YOU THINK YOU'RE A NIKOS?"

Encounters with yandere girls are rare, but once again, because you are the absolute fucking worst person to have ever been brought into this world, the yandere will naturally gravitate to you by shifting from one of the other tropes in your harem because you decided to do something fucking stupid and childish like you always fucking do, you fucking stupid child.

There are other tropes that may enter your harem, ranked in order of the danger they pose to your life.

The "Sadodere" named so for their sadistic tendencies, are the most likely to harm you to derive pleasure for themselves. This can be good fun between consenting adults in a controlled environment with a safe word, but in your day-to-day life it will only cause problems for you. On her own, the sadodere is an annoyance, but her tendency to lie and manipulate others around her can amplify the dangers that may occur in a harem system. Fortunately, the sadodere is easy to identify the instant she stops acting nice, so keep your distance once this happens (unless you're into that), and if any other girls are mad at you, ask the sadodere if she was involved in one way or another, then ask her to clear things up once she fesses up that she did.

(Note: Image of Gillian Asturias not found. Backup himedere image posted in her place.)

The "Himedere", also known as "oujo" or "princess" is almost as arrogant and demanding as the sadodere with the exception that she's not likely to cover her facade with sweetness. You can spot a himedere from a mile way by her haughty demeanor, but if you're unsure, which let's be real you are, you can also identify them by their signature vocal call.

OOOOOOHOHOHOHO~!

In the early development stages of a harem, the himedere stubbornness may prove troublesome. However, she is unlikely to be prone to violence like the tsundere, so your only concern is any servants she may have under her employ, all of whom are likely retired assassins in some branch or another. You'd honestly be surprised by how many hitmen make the jump to domestic servitude.

Next, we have the "genki girl," also known as the Deredere. Warm and sunny, but still quite chaotic. You can identify her by her interests in things like "sportsball" or her cheery, comforting smile. She is the least dangerous of the tropes EXCEPT in the vicinity of the tsundere in which her oblivious, good-natured affection will likely get you punched. REPEATEDLY. There is a possibility the deredere is secretly a yandere, so watch out for tell-tale signs such as use of the word "brave and fearless leader" and frequent disappearances of cats and other small animals when she is near.

Finally, the "Kuudere", literally translating to "cool dere", and "Dandere" are quiet and mostly stick to themselves, one from detachment and lack of emotion with the other out of shyness. Both can be identified by their general lack of speech. When approached, a kuudere will respond cynically and pragmatically, while a dandere will respond by blushing and stammering. Neither pose a substantial threat, though it is advised you check on the kuudere once per day just to make sure she's not dead.

There are further variations of these tropes you may encounter, including the drunken older harlot "Yottadere" and the "Kanedere" who want your money. However, it is highly unlikely that your harem will include either of these two, and if it does, they won't really matter.

By and large, 99% of harems include the girls listed prior on this list, all with just slightly different hair colors and styles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It should be noted that your sister, either younger or older, may be involved in the goings-on of your harem, even showing signs that match one of these tropes. She may appear as the deredere, kuudere, or the tsundere. This used to be a rare occurrence, but in the recent decades, it has become much more common. Modern scientists are blaming global climate, but regardless of the cause, if this happens to you, you only need to follow one simple rule, one key thing above all else...

(Flip to side B)

[frownyalfred]

tl;dr: what's your opinion on posting roleplay replies on ao3?

i know they are frowned upon on ao3, at least that's what i've seen so far, which i can understand... to some extend. they are allowed in the archive, yes, but they also clock tags and it's annoying to read something you don't understand without the other replies and further context. they are tolerated, but i get the sentiment.

here's the thing... i rarely write for myself. i enjoy writing with others and building something together, and sometimes i create pieces i'd love to share. like, recently i have written a reply for someone that explores two different bruce's; one that has helena wayne/the huntress as his biological daughter, one that doesn't, how she got cursed into another universe, and how one deals with losing his child, while the other tries to re-order his life in order to make her fit. it's something beautiful that works on it's own, something i am very fond and proud of, but i'm torn on wether i should post it or not.

i could've kept the fact it's from roleplay a secret, but that also feels shit, lmao. i could keep it to tumblr, but no one would read what i put out -- let's be real, tumblr works very different compared to ao3. so i thought i'd give reaching out to one of my favorite authors a chance.

sorry for the lenght, feel no need to answer.

Hmm. I guess I haven't given it a ton of thought before now. I don't usually engage in roleplay myself, but I absolutely view it as a legitimate version of creation. Just because it's created a certain way doesn't mean it doesn't belong on ao3 -- it's an archive for transformative works, not just cookie-cutter fic formats.

I would say, err on the side of caution and tag as much as you're comfortable (tagging things after the required ao3 warnings is always optional, I want to reiterate, but sometimes additional tags help readers a lot). Make sure it's clear what the structure of the work is, if possible, but don't do yourself a disservice by making roleplay a dirty word, if you use it.

I don't think you're "clogging" up the tag, any more than the person writing 139/250 50 word individual fics haha. There will always be floods of content in various tags, and people who throw shitfits about that need to grow up. Unless someone is breaking the ao3 TOS, everything else is "etiquette" and that truly is nebulous and subjective, even if people will insist it isn't.

As for the missing context and replies -- I think that's something you can get creative with, if you want. But also, if you never fill in those blanks or provide that context, that's okay too. It's an archive, not a site where you have to actively promote your fic and make it the most appealing it can be to the largest group of people.

A final note on context though: I've found that the roleplay chunks I do come across in the wild look a lot like dialogue planning I do for some fics! If you ever want to turn them into a traditional fic structure, I don't think you're very far off at all. But only if you wanted! As I said above, I think what you have is 100% legitimate and should stand on its own on ao3.

[cloudwhisper23]

I saw this 20 questions for fic writers thing on my dash, so I'm doing it now that I'm back to my computer! Also expect writing to return soon, lol

1. How many works do you have on A03?

I currently have 9 works on Ao3! That number would be way higher if I posted all the fics I wrote on Tumblr to Ao3 though.

2. What's your total A03 word count?

Total.... hang on, I need a calculator for this one.

271,112 words! I thought it would be higher, tbh. But again, I don't post everything to Ao3, so that's just a fraction of my writing.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write for Five Nights at Freddy's (the games) and Hollow Knight. I do also write for other stuff, but I don't post it, so that's not important.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Misguided Protection

There Are Others

Finding a Home

Deal with the Devil

Becoming a Family

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best to respond to comments. Typically it'll be an emoji response, mainly to acknowledge my readers when they get all excited. But sometimes people have suggestions or questions, and I feel that if I wrote something confusing, it's my job to explain what's going on (only for fanfiction though. Since I don't revise it before I post)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm.... Probably There Are Others, since I at least tried to give most of them happy endings. But this fic is the reason my friends keep a kill count.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Misguided Protection

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? It's more that people challenge my view and how I chose to write the story, but I've never gotten outright hate before.

9. Do you write smut?

I don't post it, but yeah.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Within the same fandom. I write crossovers of different AUs within the same fandom, but I do not write crossovers between fandoms. Not currently, at least.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, but it never saw the light of day (it was a minecraft fic I co-wrote with someone in elementary school)

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

All-time? Uhhhh, I've determined that gay ships are absolutely my favorite thing ever. So my favorite is probably one of those. But it changes depending on fandom fixations honestly. Buuuuut, outside of fandom logistics, I'd still say Jeremike. Even though it's a silly one. I just love how people write that ship.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a giant incomplete folder of fnaf fics that I've started writing, but they haven't seen the light of day. Which means I've forgotten a bunch of stuff within that. But truth be told, I do want to continue writing Becoming a Family, even though I don't think I'll ever touch it again. My flow just never seems to be in the right place when I try to work on it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm good at silly banter and dialogue in general.

I'm pretty good at adapting to sudden challenges in my writing (aka, plotholes that I've already posted) to still justify things happening as well. But not nearly as good as I am at dialogue.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm terrible at writing descriptions. I'll never forget the day I realized my friends genuinely thought my OC Mikayla was tall, despite how much I tried to write her as short. I usually don't write with physical characteristics in mind, so that used to be my justification, but since i had a clear picture in mind and it did not come across properly, I have to say descriptions are my weakness.

I'd also say romance, but my friends tell me I'm better than I think I am.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I stress out about that sort of thing. I wrote in Spanish for an art trade once (dialogue only, of course), and I made my friends fact-check every sentence to ensure it sounded natural. I could do it, but it's not really something I enjoy.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

MCYT. It was a different group of people back then, but that notebook is still sitting in my house, and I still get embarassed just thinking about it.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

My favorite? Honestly, it's one I'm writing right now. It's a fnaf fic, but I haven't posted much about it yet. It's called Runaway Mike, and I'm super excited about how it's turning out so far. Probably not one I'll post for a while yet.

[smile-files]

nickel and balloon stuff from spring on the breakfast!!! i'm keeping in mind that in the previous episode, both of them were under the impression that their friendship wasn't real...

in a way, ii3 balloon is a lot like late ii3 cabby. of course, balloon did something indisputably immoral (manipulate and exploit others), and cabby only did something thought to be immoral (keep and use files about her fellow contestants) -- but both did something wrong and had to subsequently undergo a disproportionate amount of abuse and malignment for it, ending up with them being apologetic and submissive to avoid any chance of being framed as bad again. the biggest difference is that cabby has internalized the guilt others have attributed to her, while balloon largely hasn't -- he understands the concept of rolling with the punches for the sake of keeping good connections, but he doesn't believe he deserves it.

nickel brushes off ii2 a LOT this episode. to rid himself of his guilt regarding that time, he necessarily has to delegitimize the hatred he felt towards balloon then, thus also ridding balloon of his guilt. he expresses this all vaguely, choosing to remember ii2 fondly and saying off-hand that its baggage should be laughed off -- implying that balloon has been forgiven. reasonably, balloon is happy that nickel seems to actually believe he's changed for the better, so initially this makes him happy.

of course, though, it becomes clear that nickel just wants to shove his own actions under the rug, and balloon reasonably gets pissed off. nickel treated balloon and suitcase like complete garbage in ii2, and balloon clearly hasn't forgotten that.

"it keeps things easy." it keeps things easy to roll with the punches, to endure nickel's abuse and accept his sudden friendship. note, also, that nickel is still placing the blame on balloon: he's saying that balloon didn't want to "make things better", as if nickel and balloon ever having a rift was entirely balloon's fault, and his problem to fix.

and as we can see, nickel still hasn't fully forgiven balloon for ii1. as i've discussed before, nickel seems to secretly feel incredible guilt about how he treated balloon in ii2 (which is why he goes to such lengths to repress the whole memory of it) -- but that guilt is about the way in which he expressed his disdain and distrust of balloon, not those opinions themselves, nor the motivations for them. this is all very interesting, then -- if he still believes balloon can't change from his old, bad self, why did nickel start being friends with him at all?

i think a large part of it is his projection onto balloon. nickel sees himself in balloon: someone who screwed up big-time and isn't able to become a better person after that (according to nickel). we tend to gravitate to people similar to us, after all. i wouldn't be surprised if nickel was also trying to overcompensate for his hostility towards balloon in ii2 by being very friendly with him in ii3, thereby helping him forget that he was ever hostile to him at all.

the most fascinating thing to me about balloon and nickel's relationship is how impersonal it is for balloon. he seems to value what nickel's affection represents rather than nickel himself -- and it represents that he's been forgiven. anyone who saw balloon and nickel's conflict in ii2, which was a product of balloon's nastiness in ii1 and nickel's subsequent inability to forgive that nastiness, would likely come to accept balloon and forgive him themselves if they then saw nickel being friendly with him -- because nickel is the epitome of the ii contestants' anger at him, and nickel of all people (seemingly) forgiving him would imply that he's really changed. the relationship is almost entirely a symbol in that regard. i don't think balloon has much residual guilt about is actions in ii1 -- he feels like he's adequately addressed them and changed -- but nickel having a positive relationship would be helpful in affirming that stance and proving to himself that he really has changed.

i wouldn't say it's cruel of balloon to keep this relationship going on under that pretense, but it is backhanded, and it helps explain why he was ever willing to accept nickel's friendliness unchallenged. he wanted his crimes to finally be laid to rest once and for all, and keeping nickel on good terms with him would let that happen. people would finally shut up about it. up until now, nickel wasn't explicitly denying his past cruelty towards balloon anyway, so balloon would be able to ignore that he neglected to ever bring it up; now, though, nickel is denying not only what he did to balloon but also to suitcase, which balloon is not able to tolerate. now that he's confronted nickel about that though, nickel snaps back with his condemnation of what balloon did in ii1, thereby uprooting the social stasis balloon had been able to maintain precisely because nickel refused to bring anything up before. in a way, then, balloon is purposefully shoving the past under the rug, just like nickel is.

we can't forget, though, that nickel has his own complex about fearing that he's incapable of change and incapable of forming positive, genuine relationships with people. balloon is essentially revealing that, in a way, he wasn't really friends with nickel -- at least not in the way nickel wished and fooled himself into thinking they were. if balloon truly were friends with nickel like that, then that would mean that balloon had forgiven him for his cruelty in ii2, and perhaps that he really has changed... but no. balloon hasn't forgiven him. why should he? nickel never apologized -- and given how he never apologized, it's impossible that he could've changed anyway: nickel doesn't want to apologize because that means addressing his guilt and allowing himself to feel it. he wants the forgiveness to be handed to him on a silver platter, without him having to do all of the painful work, and he's incredibly upset when it isn't. he wants to not be a bad person, but in order to do that, he has to feel like one, and he really doesn't want to. he hates who he was and doesn't want to associate with it at all.

(note how it's the suitcase robot who says "you can say sorry" when nickel says that nothing can be done about making things better...)

there's clearly an immeasurable amount of resentment these two have been harboring for each other throughout this season, which they'd only been hiding for the sake of fooling themselves into thinking they've changed (nickel) or thinking that others think they've changed (balloon). and now that they've let themselves explode with anger, partly related to the lies they'd been telling themselves falling apart, they yell at each other and balloon drops nickel down a hole!

ah, balloon and nickel's relationship... it's bizarre, it's toxic, it's convoluted, it's shady, and it's incredibly sad. i'm glad i'm revisiting ii3, especially this episode -- i used to be utterly baffled by nickel's writing, particularly in spring on the breakfast, but now it makes complete sense to me. also, i used to think balloon was entirely the victim in this relationship, while now i know that he has his own faults and own baggage in that regard. it's weird -- they hate each other, but at the same time they're dying to be liked by one another. god i love these freaks...

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

This. This. This entire conversation with Morrigan actually makes me want to sob. She and my Tabris always becomes close friends over the course of DAO; that, paired with the fact that my Tabris always romances Alistair, makes everything about this hurt so much more when you take DAO's ending into account.

Her confusion over why my Tabris didn't send her away. Why she didn't abandon her after they learned of Flemeth's plans. Why Tabris went out of her way to slay Flemeth and bring her the true grimoire. She asks Tabris why, and is baffled when the answer is, "I did it because I'm your friend," as if it's that simple.

The way Morrigan looks at the warden, the way her voice cracks when she says, "I want you to know that while I may not always prove... worthy... of your friendship, I will always value it."

She knows how this will end; Flemeth sent her with the wardens with the end goal of stopping the blight and obtaining the old god soul through the dark ritual. Morrigan knows that Alistair and Tabris are the only Grey Wardens here, and assuming they don't find more, one of them will have to die defeating the archdemon unless they agree to do the dark ritual.

With that context, her asking Alistair, "And what if a Grey Warden has forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?" suddenly has so much subtext weaved through the words that I'm gonna start foaming at the mouth. She's practically telling Alistair that a warden has to die. She's scrutinizing his reaction to find any hint that suggests he would agree to the dark ritual in order to save himself and the woman he loves. And when he doesn't choose, she has her answer.

Morrigan made comments to Tabris about him, almost hopeful that their relationship was just a physical thing between them and not actually riddled with feelings... and then gives disapproval when Tabris says she loves him.

She doesn't want the warden to die; hell, she doesn't want Alistair to die, either; whether because she does actually care about him or because she knows it'll break her friend's heart if she loses him, or both!

Things would be so much easier if the only two Grey Wardens left to defeat the blight didn't fall in love, wouldn't they, Morrigan?

She knows that in the end, no matter the outcome, she will lose the woman she called sister and it's devastating.

Morrigan, who has never known true friendship. Who grew up isolated in the woods with an abusive mother and terrible implications for her future. Who discovered said mother planned to take over her body just as she did with her other daughters. Who doesn't understand kindness as it was rarely given to her without a catch. Who isolates herself from the others in camp. Who finally has a companion she cares about... and in the end, if her plan works and the dark ritual is completed, she'll end up pregnant and alone and wearing Tabris' resentment like a tender wound on her heart.

Or Tabris will reject the ritual, and will die to the archdemon.

Or her lover will.

I just- the dynamic between the warden, romanced Alistair, and Morrigan is so good and painful and rich that I'm gnawing on furniture as we speak.

[etapereine]

.

[capn-twitchery]

writing twitch feels like writing an oc backwards bc i usually try and figure out how characters would react based on how they feel

but with twitch the reaction comes first. then i gotta work out what the hell they were thinking afterwards

[b-blushes]

also i am going to the dr tomorrow so please can you send some spare good vibes my way if you have them thank you

[sysig]

Nice healthy obsession you got there (Patreon)

[jfleamont]

All Things Must Pass (snippet)

Snippet #1: x

Summary:

It starts with the death of one person and ends with the birth of another. When James dies unexpectedly, Lily is forced to live with the regret of not having told him that she loves him. She’s loved him for years, even when he thought she hated him, even when they unexpectedly became friends, then best friends, then friends with benefits. But the past doesn’t always stay in the past, so when she goes back to the flat they shared and sees James looking at her with the same eyes she had seen closed in the casket at his funeral just the day before, her world is turned upside down. This is just the beginning of an unexpected series of events. It’s a story about the process of grieving, healing, forgiving and ultimately letting go, but it’s also about second chances, new beginnings and hope.

“No, you're not going anywhere,” Sirius blocked her path. She'd rarely seen him this furious. It scared her.

“Let me go, Sirius.”

“Not until you answer me. How did you know?”

She avoided his eyes, focusing on pulling on a loose thread in her jumper.

“Know what?” 

“Don't play dumb! How did you know about that letter? I never sent it to James. I never sent it to you.”

Lily looked at James. He shook his head, begging her not to say anything.

Logically, she shouldn't.

But she was so tired of lying to everyone, to Sirius more than anyone else.

“He told me.”

A furrow appeared between his brows.

“Who?”

It was now or never. He'd take her for a lunatic, but she didn't care. Anything was better than lying to him and keeping him away.

“James.”

“I told you, James never saw the letter. I wrote it after he died.”

“I know. He saw you write it after the funeral. He saw you burn it.”

Sirius recoiled at that, and his eyes widened in horror.

“Did you put fucking hidden cameras in my home, Lily? What the fuck?”

He looked so betrayed. What if he didn't believe her? What if he'd hate her for breaking his trust?

“You know maybe this was a bad idea,” she said. Whether it was to Sirius or James, she didn't know. 

“No, you have to tell me how you know that. Are you a fucking rat like Peter?”

That was too much.

“I can see him! I see James and I can hear him, too. He's here, and he's been here this whole time and I know for a fact you'll think I'm crazy or, even worse, than I'm lying but he's fucking here and I don't know how to explain it,” she exploded. At some point while she was talking she had started crying, and now she couldn’t stop.

Sirius’ whole demeanour shifted instantly. He put one hand forward, reaching for her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her but she backed away.

“Lily, listen, I miss him too and sometimes I feel like he's still here but—” 

“You don't get it, do you? It's not… This is not grief, or perhaps it is, I don't know! All I know is that since I came back to the flat after the funeral he's been there. He's not… I know he's dead. But I think… I don't know what to call it, but it's him, or what's left of him. His ghost, his soul, whatever you want to call it. I can talk to him and look him in the eyes, Sirius. And he's here. I think he can only appear in places he's been before, like our flat or yours, but not Petunia's house.”

Sirius was looking at her strangely. She knew he wanted to believe her, she could read him very well, but the rational part of him was scared.

Scared of her.

Or for her, perhaps. 

“Lily, sit here for a moment, okay? I'm sure all this stress isn't good for you.” 

Lily fixed him with a glare. “You're the one who started yelling at me,” she protested, but sat on the sofa anyway and James, who had been quiet the whole time sat on its edge next to her. He wanted to say something, she could tell he needed Sirius to listen to him.

“I know, I'm sorry… I just don't understand how—” 

She huffed. “I told you how. And I know you find it hard to believe me right now, but that's the only explanation I have.”

Sirius sat on the armchair in front of her, head in his hands. “I don't know what to think.”

“Have I ever given you reason to think I'm crazy?” 

James snorted, but she resisted the urge to look at him.

“I mean, yeah,” Sirius smiled a little, but it didn't reach his eyes, “but not in the literal sense. And you seem pretty sane to me right now. You know, aside from this ghost thing.”

“Okay.”

“But I'm not going to lie to you, Lily, this is scaring me. I don't know what to do. Should I call a therapist? Or your dad? I don't know how to help you.”

He looked helpless.

“You could. But I've done both and my therapist says it's normal, while my dad said that this never happened to him after mum died, so…”

“You told your therapist you can still see James?” 

“Well, I might have omitted a thing or two…”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that James told me about the letter. That James comes here on his own to visit you sometimes.”

Sirius was the one to look away now.

“I can't do this right now.”

He got up all of a sudden, heading for the door.

“He misses you.”

Sirius stopped in his tracks, and turned to look at her, his stormy eyes full of unshed tears and an unreadable expression on his face.

“And I'm supposed to believe he told you that,” he said. It didn't sound like a question.

She nodded.

“Wait, didn't you say he was here? Like actually here in this room? Why can't I see him?”

“I don't know, I think that—” 

“Why can you see him? Fuck, even if it's just an hallucination, why do you get to have those and I don't? I'm his brother, for fuck's sake! And you're…” he stopped speaking abruptly.

Lily tilted her head to the side.

“I'm what? Just his friend, right? Who also happens to be carrying his child, but that means nothing, right?”

She knew she sounded childish, but she couldn't help it.

“He doesn't mean that,” spoke James, who had stood up and was now walking towards Sirius.

“You know that's not what I meant.”

“Then what do you mean?” she got up from the couch and crossed her arms, staring down at Sirius with a murderous expression.

He looked at her for a long moment.

“I don't know,” he shrugged, defeated.

There was no fight left in Sirius, and it was pointless to keep trying to make him understand.

She grabbed her coat and purse and this time, when she reached the front door, Sirius moved out of her way. 

“Well, let me know when you figure it out.”

[elshells]

Hey there tumblr, I've missed you. How's it going?

[seedlessmuffins]

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[loserboyfriendrjl]

"have you ever thought of the future?" sirius asked, stubbing his cigarette against the windowsill.

"yeah." remus chuckled, smoke coming out through his nose as he laughed. "of course i have. i've been thinking about it ever since this year started."

of course, he had. james had, too. peter had, too. all of them had their lives neatly planned ahead of them, and sirius was lost, holding a torch, trying to find the end of the tunnel.

what would happen once they graduated? they'd join the order, of course. but what else? was the order all that mattered? would they ever get to have families? children? would they get to grow old together?

"and what do you have planned?" sirius grinned, nonchalantly, as per usual. trying not to seem too interested. he hooked their legs together, and their eyes met, amber and steel.

"what do i have planned?" remus repeated. "finding a job. moving to london, probably, besring in mind the fact that that's probably going to be where the headquarters are."

"would you like a family?"

"one day, maybe."

"peter said he'd move in with mary, he said that he doesn't want to see any couple-like behaviour in his house. jokingly, of course. but she said she doesn't want to join the order, so they'll see how they'll manage. lily and james are moving in together, and so are dorcas and marlene. that leaves the two of us."

"are you insinuating anything?"

"dunno, am i?" sirius grinned.

"you're a dick." remus laughed.

"i've been told before." sirius tucked a strand of loose hair behind his ear.

"you're acting as if our future's not going to be together."

"is it?" sirius asked, innocently, but his eyes said otherwise.

"you're being a dick again." remus furrowed his brows, his tone amused.

"you love me, though."

"i really do."