#and I should just write whatever I want even if I quote myself

[purplebass]

I hate when I'm trying to write something and it reminds me of something else I've written and I suddenly don't want to write anymore because I don't want to repeat/copy myself

and I want to come up with something new so it's not similar to other works of mine

[colleendoran]

Misunderstanding

I received a note from someone who was upset I “failed to cite Scott McCloud’s Understanding Comics” in my research for my work on Neil Gaiman's Chivalry and the essays I wrote about it. 

I really appreciate that people want to make sure credit goes where it's due, and I have a lot of respect for Scott McCloud's accomplishment with his wonderful book.  

I haven't read it myself in some years, and didn't cite it in my articles because I didn't reference it. I don't even know where my copy is so I don't know what McCloud referenced, either. 

The information in my articles re: illuminated manuscripts and the Bayeux Tapestry, as well as other theories about the development of sequential art from prehistory, not only predate McCloud's work (and in fact, predate McCloud's birth,) but they are so common and so well known in comics circles that asking me to cite them seems as weird to me as asking me to cite the information that George Washington was the first President of the United States.

A part of me wonders if someone is trying to play, "Let's you and him fight." 

No.

But I’m happy to bring to your attention some reading material.

Stephen Becker in his 1959 work Comic Art in America: A Social History of the Funnies, the Political Cartoons, Magazine Humor, Sporting Cartoons, and Animated Cartoons was among the first to discuss the Bayeux Tapestry as comic art. I read that book sometime in the 1980’s. I think a lot of people assume the Bayeux tapestry as comic art was McCloud’s idea, but we don’t all walk around with a reference library in our heads, so there you go. I can’t find my copy of Becker’s work to quote, but I did find an article by Arthur Asa Berger with a mention of the Bayeux Tapestry as comic art in the summer 1978 issue of The Wilson Quarterly.

My first exposure to the idea of comics as descendant of fine art was Maurice Horn’s 1976 The World Encyclopedia of Comics which was my first read re: comics history. I still have my tattered 1976 edition. 

While Horn scorned the idea that tapestries and manuscripts could be comic art (see, it was a matter of discussion way back then, so much so that authors were writing snarky asides to one another about it,) he believed the origin of sequential art was in the Renaissance sketches of Leonardo da Vinci - which I think everyone now agrees is kind of a bonkers idea.

I think Horn was just intent on elevating the comic art form by hooking up with da Vinci.

You go, boi.

Comics as descendant of art on scrolls is a very common theory, the easiest to trace being in Manga! Manga! The World of Japanese Comics by Fred Schodt published in 1983 when I was still a teenager. I can't find my copy to show examples, but this text is still in print and you can go read it for yourself. 

I was introduced to manga by cartoonist Leslie Sternbergh and bought Schodt’s book at Books Kinokuniya on (I think) a trip to New York around the time of first publication of Schodt’s work. And years later took a trip to Japan with Fred Schodt and a group of cartoonists including Jeff Smith and Jules Fieffer, Nicole Hollander, and Denys Cowan as the guests of Tezuka Productions.

Here we all are.

So, I’m familiar with manga, see.

As for comics as descendant of cave paintings, hieroglyphics and ancient art in general, Will Eisner’s 1985 Comics and Sequential Art not only made all of those points, but made those points with comic art examples. Like these.

And this.

And this.

And more than a few words on this:

I find it amusing that someone is questioning why I didn’t cite McCloud when what you should probably be questioning is why more people don’t cite Eisner who produced his book eight years before McCloud published his and who is well known to have influenced McCloud.

Whatever. My book's autographed.

I also danced with Eisner. Eat your heart out.

Understanding Comics is a terrific work with huge advantages over every book (that I know of) about comics that came before: it taught comics entirely in the language of comics. 

But the discussion in it about the origins of comics and my work especially re: illuminated manuscripts/tapestries, did not originate with McCloud. I research illuminated manuscripts because it’s my hobby and it informs my art. 

I encourage everyone to read Understanding Comics because it is an outstanding work.

But it’s not the book that introduced me to the concepts of the development of comic art. It’s not even the point of origin of those concepts. So, there is no reason to cite it.

Also, shocking as it may seem, I occasionally come up with ideas on my own. While I'm younger than McCloud, I've actually been a comics pro longer than he has. So I've had plenty of opportunity to, you know, read things and toss things around, and decide for myself.

When I first read Chivalry and first begged Neil Gaiman to let me adapt it, my head full of the work of Alberto Sangorski and his art for Tennyson’s Le Morte D’Arthur, Understanding Comics hadn’t been published yet.

It's been a good twelve years since I last read McCloud's work, and I don't think I've spoken to him five times in the last three decades. But I'm pretty sure he never mentioned Sangorski.

I hope that clears everything up, and maybe introduces some of you to some works you might not be aware of.

Have a great day.

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

How to Build Resilience in Long Fanfic Writing

Sometimes, when a fanfic goes past 20 chapters, people who had been commenting, began to lose interest. Maybe you'll start doubting your skill or whether you "have what it takes" to be a writer, even if you're doing it for fun.

But maybe you see all those beautifully written but unfinished long fics and mourn that they'll never be finished (for the writer's valid reason or another). And you don't want that to happen to yours.

There is also an advantage to completing long fics: you develop the discipline to write original novels which can take far longer.

So if you're in for the long haul and you want to stay steady and true despite whatever popularity your fic may have, here's how to have the resilience to finish it to the end.

(Disclaimer: this is not a reason to stop commenting on fics)

#1 Whatever You Think You're Owed, Let It Go.

Accidentally quoting Elsa aside, I'm talking about comments. Comments validate and can make you learn new things about your fics through other people's eyes.

But when you see a high-to-low ratio between kudos and comments, you may feel like you are owed.

When you push yourself to complete three long chapters and publish them all in the same day and only get one response, it can feel like people are being mean.

The truth is, we'll never know why the people who loved our fics will not talk to you about them.

Maybe they forget there's a person behind the fic.

Maybe they're having a bad day and just want to shut down after reading something enjoyable.

But whatever the case is, it's beyond your control.

This post said it best (shoutout to @radioactive-earthshine) :

"Remember - hits/likes/kudos/comments are not reflective of the quality of your fic or your ability to write. Most people just don’t comment - even if they say they do, they don’t... Even if your fic brought tears to their eyes and it haunted them for weeks and they printed it out and sent it to their friends they just don’t comment. You just have to accept it.

I'm not saying you force yourself to let it go now. But someday, you will need to let it go, and control what you can which is you.

#2 Put Your Life First Before Your Readers

I have to say this because sometimes writers would have thoughts like "I haven't written for a long time; people must be wondering about it." Nope. Stop. Not worth it.

Creating is fun, but it is also exhausting. Add into the fact that most of us have 8-hour jobs or classes.

The reason you haven't written for a long time is that other aspects of your life deserve your time and energy, too. And after all that, you would be understandably tired.

So put your life first before your readers.

#3 Make Preparations to Replenish Your Soul

Long fanfic writing is energy and time-consuming. But you cannot depend on external validation to make up for it.

External validation in the form of comments can be good because we don't want to imagine it's all in our heads. But seeking it too much leads to what I've read in the book, "Ego is the Enemy":

"If outside validation is your only source of nourishment, you will hunger for the rest of your life."

So before posting a chapter, list down what you can do to replenish your soul after. Treating myself to a cafe one time helped. So is taking walks when the air is cool.

To stop anticipating responses too much, what works for me is to post on Wednesday. Wednesday is when people are less busy. At the same time, when the weekend comes, I don't obsess over it so much and can focus on other aspects of my life or replenish my energy for the next week.

In the commitment to complete a long fic, it's important to be honest with yourself. This is to be transparent with your needs and watch out for any signs of burnout, like feeling sad and tired. If you need to walk away from your fic for a while, then do it.

#3 This is Between You and Your Creation

Yes, fandom should be two-way street. Yes, fandom shouldn't treat fanfics and fan arts like commodity. And yes, there should be interaction and engagement. But before all that, there is this thing between you and your creation first and foremost.

Just as a story has to have a "why", remember why you thought you should write your long fic. Your reason may change over time, but when you remember your "why", you remember your true goal to keep going.

#4 Write like No One is Reading

This is a perk I adapted when I only get two responses if I'm lucky after updating a fic that has more than a hundred subscribers. If people barely react, then you're free to write whatever you please in your story as if you're dancing like no one is watching. Just have fun improving your skills.

This is similar to an inspiring section of the same post that I've found:

"10.) Write for yourself, not for others. Write the fic you know no one is going to read. Write the fic that sounds ridiculous. You will be so happy you put it out in the world and there will be people who will be glad it exists."

#5 Cherish the Rare Friends You Find Along the Way

Sometimes, we get lucky and get something better than a hundred people interacting with our fic -we find a friend we would make in the way of writing the long fic that we dared to write. And they're the ones who would cheer you on and cry and laugh with you about the shared stories. Cherish them.

(dedicated to @lightreader1)

[milkytakethenamealready]

Ace markey | Survivor likelihood

I would like to ramble about Ace's survivor likelihood. Keep in mind that all of this is just a subjective interpretation of how the story might go for the Ultimate Jockey, so feel free to disagree!

I really like Ace. He's my all time favourite character in Danganronpa Despair Time, mainly because I actually tend to prefer characters with good writing rather than nice characters.

Ace is definitely a pretty bad person for now, as he's being extremely aggressive and antagonistic towards the others due to his anxiety and paranoia. I'm not saying that his character doesn't have more layers to him, because he definitely does, but as a person, he would be so hard to put up with. Even Levi, the only person who kinda seemed to care for his wellbeing, completely gave up on helping him after episode 6.

A question I often ask myself is this: will Ace change later on down the line?

--------------------------------------------------

A lot of people think that he might calm down or learn how to deal with his anxieties and all that, but I'm not sure if that's the case.

Ace is definitely smarter and much more self aware than what his classmates think. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed, far from it, but he's not dumb either. I'd argue he's got pretty good intuition, seeing as how he got mad at the others for thinking that "he's damaged in the head" and that "they can say whatever they want to his face". He's very aware of what others think of him. (I'm not saying that this is what everyone necessarily think of him, but it's clear that his classmates don't really care about him that much)

Normally, the bully character would just kinda shout insults left and right without ever acknowledging how others feel about it or what they think about them. But Ace seems extremely aware. Probably because, deep down, he's not happy with himself.

"You think I act like this for fun, go to bed, and then sleep soundly at night[...]"

He very much targets Nico because Ace sees them as what he despises more: a coward with no backbone. And that's what Ace was prior to chapter 2. And in the QnA for chapter 2 part 1, it was indeed confirmed that Ace doesn't like himself. So it's more likely that he was projecting onto Nico, but also felt annoyed at their behaviour.

Which turned out to be a MASSIVE mistake, as Nico dropped the kind act and quite literally tried to kill Ace: they only failed because Eden and Teruko caught them. He refused help, even telling Levi that he'd much rather die alone than accept his help, and then ends it with this interesting line:

"It's inevitable anyway, so why should I take your pity on top of everything else I have to suffer through?! Don't talk to me ever again!"

This is very interesting to me. He knows that he could die, he knows that his behaviour is wrong, and he KNOWS that he's gonna suffer every single second of it.

So in his eyes, why even bother?

Personally, while I really like the interpretation of Ace's character as "someone who will change" I think the problem is that Ace lacks motivation.

Motivation to change.

Again, he's aware of all of his flaws, and knows that he's just basically killing himself by being so antagonistic, but he quite simply doesn't care anymore. But then again, I'm not saying it's impossible. I'm just saying that it would need to be quite the huge change for Ace.

Remember, he dislikes himself, and he outright stated that his life sucks. If he were to find a reason to live outside of his talent, maybe he could make it.

Ace can definitely undergo development, but for now, I think he lacks the requirements to do so. (the "for now" is extremely important).

--------------------------------------------------

Now then, I would like to address the elephant in the room: his secret quote.

"I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

Yes, it has already been talked about a lot from what I've seen. And for good reasons: who would ever expect such a vulnerable line coming from someone like Ace Markey?

And that's the adjective I would like to focus on: vulnerability.

How could the Ace Markey we all know express such vulnerability? Why, after all he went through, and after all of his efforts to completely detach himself from the group, would he open up about something so important to himself to those people?

I'll try to predict Ace's fate by keeping this in mind: WHEN could Ace open up? When will Ace reveal this side of himself?

Will it happen in Chapter 2?

Yeah, no, I don't see him die here. No way.

Keep in mind that I'm not biased towards Ace, and I would be 100% fine with him dying if it served the narrative... but now, of all times? I don't think it's his time to go yet.

A lot of people already analysed the themes of Chapter 2 way, WAY better than I ever could, so I would recommend searching for those posts because they're a fantastic read.

The part I'm gonna be focusing on (briefly) is the hidden title: "A good person". A lot of characters, such as Eden and Levi, were directly called a good person this chapter. And all of these characters ended up having a larger role than the others because of their direct connection to the chapter. That doesn't mean that characters such as Veronika, Rose, J, Arturo, Hu or Nico were irrelevant, because they very clearly weren't: it just means that the characters more tied to the themes of this chapter had more to do, and will likely do more.

Ace doesn't really fit into this chapter's themes. Sure, you can define him as a pretty bad person, but it's not outright stated by the other participants, therefore he's not fully acknowledged.

Plus, I doubt he'd care about any labels at this point, unlike other characters. So I don't think it's his turn to die.

Now, something else I'd like to discuss is the impact: I'm not talking about the murder or the shock factor of Ace being the culprit, I'm taking about the impact on the group.

So far, Ace has done nothing but antagonize everyone to appear stronger and in control. It's safe to say that literally no one cares about him.

Sure, they would mind it if he died because at the end of the day, he's still just a vulnerable person, and death is a very serious deal, no one deserves it, but they would probably be more bothered by the trial itself: I'd wager that none of them would really bother to remember him after chapter 2. He wasn't close to anyone at all.

Heck, I bet they would feel sadder if Nico, Ace's murderer, died via execution.

(I'm not implying that Nico is a bad person, I just think that people would naturally pity the victim more than the culprit, which wouldn't happen if Nico successfully killed Ace. I think.)

So yeah, Ace being the culprit would only prove that even """"dumb"""" people can commit smart crimes. I don't think it's enough to suddenly connect him to the themes of the chapter, but I guess it's something. Teruko also said that Ace would die very quickly, so while it is true that her beliefs would be proven correct, this wouldn't affect her that much: she would just move on immediately after the trial.

Why would she care about someone like Ace? If the narrative wants to prove Teruko's beliefs correct while STILL affecting her, I think we also need a culprit who would affect the entire group: someone like Hu or Eden, for example.

Ace's departure wouldn't really shake the group that much.

So yeah, all in all, he's probably making it past chapter 2.

Will it happen in Chapter 3?

(From now on, it's pure speculation, so I'm up for critiques or debates)

Eeeh I'm not sure. I still don't think it's time. But I could totally see it happen this chapter too.

So, assuming that he makes it past chapter 2, we'll obviously get more time with him. Therefore, more opportunity for his character to be expanded upon. I don't think he's changing just yet, not after he was almost killed by one of his classmates. In fact, he will probably get worse this chapter.

Now, I don't expect him to remain a jerk for the entire series, even if he does die. That would drag on a little too much. I do think he'll remain antagonistic as heck, but we won't focus on him too much this time.

I think it's because a lot of characters gained a lot of depth in the most recent episodes.

-J voiced her hatred for attention and entertainment, most likely Hinting at something big going on with her family.

-Arturo, a character who I didn't really take seriously at first, turned out to have one of the most shocking secrets ever, and he even threatened one of the participants. I'm genuinely curious to know more about him now.

-Hu literally said that she wants to be the one to give everyone guidance, because otherwise she's not useful and has no reason to be there (it implies something very dark).

-Veronika is Veronika just being Veronika doing Veronika things. (Jokes aside, I'm really curious to see what will happen to her next chapter)

-Rose is quite literally losing it (breakdown predictions, everyone?)

-and then there's David... I don't think I need to explain myself any further.

I believe these characters will be the main focus of chapter 3. They gained A LOT of development and revealed sides to them we didn't really see before. So I don't think they'll appear only occasionally.

This also applies to Arei: she was directly tied to the themes of chapter 2, and she turned out to be the victim of said chapter.

I'm not great at explaining, but what I mean is that these characters are more likely to die in chapter 3 because of the depth they just gained.

I know that this doesn't imply that Ace will be irrelevant, I doubt anyone will be, or that he won't die, but he will probably take the backseat this time around. Maybe he'll take Hu's role, where he appears every once in a while.

Plus, I doubt this will be the chapter where he'll suddenly drop his facade and share his vulnerability. He was almost killed by Nico, and he clearly hates everyone who defended them now: why would a single chapter change his view that easily?

Keep in mind that we still have no idea what chapter 3 will be about, let alone its themes, so take this with a massive grain of salt.

Will it happen in Chapter 4?

Yep, I believe this is where Ace could potentially kick the bucket. I'm not sure if he would be a victim or a killer, but I could see him die here.

After two long chapters of pain and suffering, alongside the deaths that happened beforehand, I could see him lose it.

Now, I don't know how it'll happen, because Ace very clearly doesn't want to open up, but I believe it might be an unintentional type of breakdown. Where he just loses it and is unable to contain it.

Maybe he could feel overwhelmed. His life is a mess, he's a mess himself actually, as he doesn't even want to be a jockey, and this entire situation is just showing him what he truly is: a coward unable to deal with his problems and pain.

(I mean I don't think that's what he is because he has a lot of problems, but uh, dramatic effect)

-he would realise that being nice would just make him an easy target (Teruko's trust was used against her);

-being mean would just cause self destruction (Nico almost killed him because of his aggressive behaviour), and this would offer no real benefit in the long run;

-trying to trust or rely on others could backfire massively, as the entirety of Chapter 1 proved exactly that (plus, Levi threatened him in the first trial. I think it's safe to assume that Ace wasn't expecting that from Levi, of all people.)

-acting by himself could make him an easy target to frame (Charles was a loner in chapter 1, and was framed by Xander because he had no one to back him up);

-and that trying to change was pointless (Arei died after letting her guard down, to try and be a good person) so there was no point in turning back now. Not after everything he did. It's inevitable anyway.

Simply put,

"I don't know what to do with myself anymore."

--------------------------------------------------

Well, there we go!

I'll stop rambling about this. Again, I have no idea what the future chapters will be about, so it's unfair for me to make such stretches.

But what's true is that Ace's quote showcases a lot of vulnerability and weakness that I don't see him sharing anytime soon. Like, it's not an Arei situation where she had her entire world shattered in front of her, leading to a sudden shift in personality: he's much more aware of the complexity of the world, and I don't think a single conversation is enough to break him.

Chapter 2 and 3 would seem a bit too soon in my opinion, but I could totally see an argument made for Chapter 3, and Chapter 5 feels like it'd be too late, as I imagine we'll discover a lot of important info.

So Chapter 4 seems more appropriate for me, and that's why I believe he could die after his breakdown. The only evidence I have for future chapters is the phrasing of this quote, and the fact that it happens in present time, given the verbs and wording, and I silently pray it's not just a flashback.

If he makes it past the chapter where he breaks down tho, he's all good. He's probably escaping the killing game.

There are other things I would like to talk about, such as his parallels with Teruko, how he's tied to "Fate" like many other characters, and much more, but for now I'll stop here.

All in all, I'd give him a good 65% likelihood of making it. He has a lot more to offer as a character, so I could totally see him last for a pretty good while, but I also see why he could tragically die near the end.

Again, he is my favourite character, but I'm not saying this just because I like him: I'll be totally okay with his death as long as it's appropriate and well written. I don't like claiming that a character's death is badly written "just because they're my favourite".

So yeah, very long essay, probably messy too. Hope you guys liked it. It's also my first post, so I hope the paragraphs are fine and comprehensible.

[lemonthepotato]

Amai’s Week

I didn’t even know until today that Amai had a week, that’s how hard this game fell off. Anyway, boy do I have some criticisms.

1) We need that many ways to enter a building in a mission? Why? It ends the same no matter what. The mission is still linear.

2) The dialogue in this game is so stiff and not how people talk. Never played a Hitman mission where the target said “I’m going to be here at X time, doing Y thing, blah blah blah” but Amai is kind enough to specify the times she’ll be serving food. Yeah, it’s kind of intuitive to not exit the classroom and start serving octodogs, the cooking club should know it’ll only be at morning, lunch and after school.

3) Amai’s sabotage events are so silly. I remember jokingly thinking “what? are we going to be giving him a pink apron or something?” as a JOKE. And then it HAPPENED, essentially. These characters are meant to be adults LARPing as teenagers but even a teenager has more maturity than “oh, you made an apron I didn’t like!” What? Did Ayano draw a swastika on it or another hate symbol? The game refers to it as a ‘lame’ apron, which implies it’s more likely that Ayano used a bland colour scheme. I’m sorry, but “I wanted a black apron but you made me a pink one, that offends me” is not on the same level. And by the way- if Amai’s food is giving people food poisoning due to Ayano’s sabotage, why is she still allowed to run the bake sale???

I was genuinely thinking “surely, it’s more going in this direction” during the picnic talk. It was. So, what? Amai is supposed to control the insects?

If you sabotage all of Amai’s events, Senpai should get the sense that she’s a BAD COOK. Literally all. Her sabotage events are NOT enough to warrant being cut off or rejected.

4) I like how no one in this game questions a giant ass water fountain placed randomly in a room.

5) THE LOVE CONFESSION DOESN’T MAKE AMAI LOOK GOOD, EITHER. Who the FUCK says “yeah, I know I’ve known you for a week, but I was actually pissed at you for mourning your dead friend because… what about me???”

OKAY, TO BE FAIR, THAT “MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THAT IN MIND” LINE FROM AYANO GOES HARD ASF 🔥

6) Okay lol I just. I love how funny Kizana is.

I like to imagine Ayano and Senpai are in some Truman Show situation where Info-chan is just hiring all these colourful personalities to rizz Senpai to create the craziest situations ever. Like Ayano is just some institutionalised person who was dragged out by a studio to be exploited in her dire mental state. Can’t wait to get Kizana in 2025 and Oka in 2026.

Look I’m an Amai defender but spitting in someone’s food is VILE. The reason I don’t go to… let’s call it OldRonalds is because three employees spat in my food. I had three occasions. Yeah, wasn’t risking a fourth. AND IT’S IMPLIED SHE DID THIS SEVERAL TIMES. That is NASTY.

7) Yeah I definitely talk to myself when cooking. That’s totally normal.

8) SHE TELEPORTS IMMEDIATELY TO THE FLOOR. ALSO HOW WOULD NO ONE HEAR THAT???

9) A small pet peeve of mine over the years is the line “oh my god! is that a dead body?” when talking about their classmates. Akademi is a small school, where everyone should know each other. Maybe- like “Oh my god! [character’s surname, because it’s Japan, or whatever their nickname is considering Akademi has nicknames]? A-are you okay? I need to get help!”

10) Ben Shoku-ro asks us to essentially stalk Amai. Very normal. See, this is why I headcanon that Akademi is just a mental institution disguised as some… high school LARP. A very ineffective one, too.

11) I like how everyone has the exact same criticism with the exact same wording towards Amai’s cooking.

12) “You shoot 100% of the takes you don’t miss” is such a funny quote. No shit Sherlock.

13) “juvenile delinquent” aren’t they 18? C’mon, if you’re gonna use the “they’re actually 18” excuse, be consistent about it.

14) Welcome to Writing 101. In Inkyu and Sakyu’s conversation on Friday, the pink one (Inkyu, I believe) says “however?” While Inkyu is gathering her thoughts. It doesn’t add tension to the scene, they’re talking about fucking studying. It happens twice, actually. It’s awkward and drags on too long. I’m a writer, not a programmer, but surely there has to be a way to make the dialogue end faster?

Also Horuda canonically drawing kill art is real asf. She is not okay in the head and is expressing her emotions to avoid doing something dangerous. This is what we call showing, not telling. This is something this game struggles at.

15) Wait, Kyuji stalking Osana is a bounty? What if the player match made them? Is the game seriously gonna punish you for doing the pacifist route?

16) Why can Toga walk on bushes???

Okay if Senpai’s new personality is himbo than I kinda fw him.

HELP DID YANDEREDEV FORGET TOGA WASN’T A CREEP SO HAD TO RETCON IT?? Same with Horo, though I think Horo being weird was inferred by the demon Easter egg.

17) Also, another general criticism, but the dialogue in this game is so wonky. Instead of “Hey, blah blah, did you know blah blah dislikes gossip?” It could be “Hey, blah blah, X said to me gossipers were all evil people. Ridiculous, right? Who doesn’t gossip from time to time? Guess that’s what I’m doing” or something shorter than that. And things like money and violence shouldn’t even be discussable topics. I’m sorry but “Hey, Horuda Umetsu, did you know Amai Odayaka dislikes violence” would receive an “okay? don’t we all?” IRL. Like even though Horuda is prone to violence no one’s going around shaming people for disliking it WTF.

(Edit: Btw, before Amai came out, I made my own version of Amai’s week a year ago, along with the other rivals, but honestly? They suck. I’ll add them anyway, if you wanna check them out, but I got lazy halfway through and began half assing stuff: Amai, Kizana, Oka, Asu, Muja, Mida, Osoro, Hanako, Megami. I’m not saying these are better than the game. The way I characterised Kizana, for example? Canon Kizana is much better. The writing on these posts were somehow cringier than the actual writing. Why share it then? Dunno. I like humiliating myself? Oddly, I got a lot of nice DM’s from people about them at the time. I also made a shitty AU.) (I have more posts over there, like a mission mode concept ending) (also, it was only a year ago, but I feel like my writing has improved a ton since then)

Addendum: Not sure if I gave the impression I support YandereDev. I don’t.

[caecilian-king]

Ok. So, i read some more Wuthering Heights today and this one paragraph really struck me- like it got to me just as much as lines like ‘whatever our souls are made of his and mine are the same’. But I don’t think this part is probably talked about as much, because its about 2 of the supporting characters and its not a poetic romance quote.

I’m talking about this paragraph, where Nelly Dean is walking outside and is reminded of her childhood:

“all at once a gush of child's sensations flowed into my heart. Hindley and I held it a favourite spot twenty years before. I gazed long at the weather-worn block; and, stooping down, perceived a hole near the bottom still full of snail-shells and pebbles, which we were fond of storing there with more perishable things; and, as fresh as reality, it appeared that I beheld my early playmate seated on the withered turf: his dark, square head bent forward, and his little hand scooping out the earth with a piece of slate. 'Poor Hindley!' I exclaimed, involuntarily.”

The reason this got to me so much is that this is exactly the way I’d been thinking about Heathcliff. ‘Sure, heathcliff’s a jerk!’ I’d think to myself, ‘but in the earlier chapters when he was a kid he was so cute and loved cathy so much! He was so unfairly treated!! He had moments where he laughed and played!!’ Not that i excused Heathcliff’s wrongful actions, but i sympathized with him, just a bit. Deep down i want him and cathy to have a happy ending, even though they’ve hurt and will hurt so many people.

(somehow, having many of heathcliff’s future actions spoiled for me by reading through the WH tag so often has not made the book any less enjoyable to me. This book is that good.)

Hindley, however….Up until this point I had always seen him as nothing more than a monster. We see very little of his childhood. We see him cry about his toy being broken, and then later we see him being racist towards-and then physically abusing- Heathcliff. After that, he’s a young adult/adult and is just consistently even worse to Heathcliff (and everyone else at Wuthering Heights) than he was before.

Nelly, unlike the readers, saw hindley’s whole childhood. She saw the moments when he was good, when he smiled and laughed. She saw ways that he was treated unfairly (his own father liking this new adopted son better than him and not hiding that bias at all).

Does this make hindley suddenly a good person? Of course not! But it really put into perspective for me how similar heathcliff and hindley are, and how i was biased way more towards one because I had seen his good side. Heathcliff and hindley are both incredibly violent, grumpy, abusive people who crave money and power. I’m sure I’ll continue to find similarities as I read more.

My three main takeaways from this paragraph are:

1) i think that hindley not only serves as a catalyst for heathcliff becoming a bad person, but also as heathcliff’s narrative foil. (Wikipedia says: ‘A foil usually either differs dramatically or is an extreme comparison that is made to contrast a difference between two things.’ I think this is a perfect description of how heathcliff and hindley work in the narrative- hindley is perhaps how we would view heathcliff if we hadn’t seen his childhood.)

2) i think this paragraph serves to remind the reader that everyone is a human who has at one point been innocent, and that this fact doesn’t excuse bad behavior, and that you should be careful about sympathizing with heathcliff so much that you begin to excuse his actions. I also think the fact that this paragraph comes so soon before isabella’s letter to nelly is incredibly important and intentional. That letter she writes about arriving at wuthering heights really highlights how bad of a person heathcliff is.

3) i am now slightly sympathetic towards hindley, and view him as a bit more of a complicated character than i took him for previously. I am also now a bit more conscious and critical of my sympathetic reading of Heathcliff up until this point.

All this being said- heathcliff is still (for lack of a better term) one of my blorbos. I am obsessed with his stupid edgy personality and his sarcastic comments and his over the top evil plans. I am ESPECIALLY obsessed with his relationship with cathy. I know it wouldn’t actually be romantic in real life but, man. I could write a whole ‘nother post about how much i love their relationship. I want to put him in a microwave and watch him spin around. the former-AP-english-student in me is aware that he is a terrible person but the silly drama-loving side of me cant help but just find all of his terrible actions sort of equal parts funny and badass (i feel like this will stay true even as he does some of the more horrifying things i’ve heard about later). silly side of me wants him and cathy to do whatever evil things they want and ride off into the sunset laughing maniacally together.

(JEEZ i did not think i would spend an hour writing like a full essay when i started this post. this is what adhd does to you, folks.)

[thedawningofthehour]

I don't know how you do the hurt/comfort so well in the book even though it is really messed up.

One example is the chapter 5 in the botanist portion. Specifically the eating the orange section and the “you know what my fathers work is.” hopefully I quote that correctly.

But when I am writing I can hurt but comfort is difficult. Like I feel like I do good with hurt no comfort fics. But I don't usually like those fics.

Ironically, that scene was supposed to have minimal angst lol, they were there so I could show Gale infodumping about plants and let Raph have a swim. Which is why I have Gale cut away when the conversation gets too heavy-that's not the purpose of the passage.

I think something a lot of people get hung up on is trying to do EVERYTHING. They want to acknowledge every injustice, represent every kind of person, explore the entirety of someone's character and trauma or whatever in one scene. (I could write a paper on the new trend of having eight-episode shows and allowing every plot point and character exactly two seconds of exposition because that's all the screentime they can get when the studio wants an epic told in the length of a novella and how this is affecting people's expectations for how storytelling should be done, but my oven timer just went off and I'm gonna eat soon) The thing you have to remember, nothing can be everything. You have to specialize at least a little bit or your ocean of storytelling becomes a wide puddle of meh.

One thing I ask myself is what is the goal here? What are the themes that I want to get across in this scene? Do they work with each other or is it jarring for the reader? What do you want the reader to take away from this? The scene in the first chapter where Draxum and Gale are doing Raph's intake exam, part of it's just exposition and me dumping background information and psuedo-science on the audience. But it's also meant to show how Draxum interacts with Raphael now that he's an ally, and show Raph how Draxum and Gale typically interact with each other. The scene with Gale taking out the explosive charge in Raph's collar is meant to highlight how very much Donnie Gale still is, how he isn't entirely obedient to Draxum and does what he does because he genuinely believes in what he's doing-and likewise, he doesn't believe Raph should be here if he doesn't believe in their goals.

The greenery scene is meant to show Raph's pre-conceived notions of who Draxum is being challenged. He sees Draxum as wholly evil, whose only goal is to do bad, like the villain of a cheap 80s Saturday morning cartoon. So far he's rejected every suggestion that Draxum has genuinely positive intentions and goals besides destruction, that might have a point even if he's going about it the wrong way. Seeing that Draxum grows fruit, that a major area of study for him is agriculture cultivation-food has traditionally been a symbol of life, peace, support, so the fact that Draxum is a horticulturist challenges the image of heartless, evil Draxum that Raph has built up in his head.

But at the same time, in the same place where he grows oranges lovingly cultivated to provide nutrition for the people who will consume them, there's poison meant to kill. It shows the depth of Draxum's intentions and the full breadth of his actions, that he wants to help life thrive but will not hesitate to take life if necessary. And Raph is also coming to terms with what he was created for, what his purpose in life was supposed to be and how he's playing into it now. He wasn't just a weapon, he was a sword meant to be wielded along with a shield. He was made to kill, and Raph doesn't agree with that-but he doesn't wholly disagree with the logic that led Draxum there. And he's very unnerved by that.

Another thing, the actual storytelling is definitely important but don't forget-it's secondary. Your real priority is manipulating the reader into feeling things against their will. You can have a completely shit story and get by if it's told entertainingly or if it made people cry. The most interesting plotline will still be a slog to get through if it's boring. You're trying to write like Donnie, but you gotta be a Leo first and foremost.

[spicybleach]

ℰ𝓂𝑜𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒰𝓃𝒶𝓋𝒶𝒾𝓁𝒶𝒷𝓁𝑒: ℳ𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓈𝒶 𝒮𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓂𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒾 𝓍 𝒦𝒶𝓈𝓈𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓇𝒶

As promised,I’m writing this short angst one shot based off my experience with being called EU in a past relationship. Finally got around to writing this and posting about this. Bear with me, I still struggle with this statement and the affects of what my ex gf/fiancée did at the time. Feedback is greatly appreciated.

TW: Angst, Insecurities, Crying, lots of reassurance. Mel comforts me 🥹, YOU WILL BE CRYING by the end of this, sorry 🫶🏾 VERY SMALL SMUT,Quotes directly from the source so this is really real and I want it to be authentic as possible.

Word count: ummm idk.

- 𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 ~𝘈 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘩 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬~

𝘒: Honestly since you called me “emotionally unavailable” idk something in me changed. I’ve been trying to fix whatever has/ is happening with me but you’re still frustrated and upset and I understand that I’d be upset too

𝘌𝘹: of course it changed something in you. it would do that to anyone & that’s understandable. it wasn’t to hurt you, more so to enlighten you but i wasn’t sure you understood still. you shouldn’t be trying to fix it alone, it’s a feeling, built up feelings and a lifestyle, you can’t just change it overnight & that’s something i’ve got to understand

𝘌𝘹: it’s very upsetting to see something affect you so much but it happens, i went through it & there’s no difference with you, you’re human & we all process things differently

𝘌𝘹: but lately i’ve been thinking, a lot. i’ve had a lot of time to think about what i want & what i need. i won’t continue to do just to please others around me, and the same will apply to you, i don’t want you feeling the need to just do to please me or anyone else.

𝘒: It doesn’t seem like you understand, you want me to move and be on the same level you are and I’m over here beating myself up for it because I’m not there and because I know how upset you are and how long it’s taken me to shake whatever is happening to me.

𝘌𝘹: it’s hard for me to give so much of myself, just to receive a portion of it back, & that’s how it’s always been. it’s frustrating, but you told me not to give up on you & i’ve been holding out on it because walking away doesn’t solve anything but if it always resolves to me being frustrated and you being overwhelmed and beating yourself up, then maybe we should take a few steps back.

𝘒: I know you didn’t want to hurt me but it did hurt. Because I did realize I wasn’t as emotionally available. Ever since then that’s all I thought about when I wasn’t around you.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥. 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. 𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘮 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥, 𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵, 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵. 𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥, 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥.

𝒫𝓇𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝒹𝒶𝓎...

Melissa and Kassandra just got done having the most sweaty, hot, sticky, messy, things that are probably not even legal sex of their lives. Not even Sunday church could wash these sins away.

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *As I reach my peak, my fingers bite down your shoulder, a loud moan escaping my lips as your fingers continue to draw out my high.*

Darling… darling… you’re so…. I feel…. oh…. oh god……

*My body continues to tremble for you, unable to get myself to calm down as I feel your fingers against me still*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Shhh.. it’s okay baby.. I got you *I kiss your lips*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I practically melt against your kiss, my body still quivering and shaking and completely overwhelmed with you. My breath begins to slow as you soothe me with kisses*

Darling….. I…. oh, darling……. that was more than… i.. I can’t.. think…

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: *I chuckle at the sound of you being speechless* * I push you down on the bed so you can catch your breath. I collapse beside you on my back*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I collapse onto my back beside you, my hand instantly reaching out for you as the only thing I can feel is the overwhelming urge to be close to you. I pull you closer to me, my still trembling body pressed up against you as I try to calm down*

Darling…. that was…. I can’t even…..

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: *I look up at your glowing face, I smile. I reach up and caress your face.* yeah?? It was magical..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I press in closer against your touch, my eyes closing as I relish in the way your fingers feel on my skin*

Darling… yes…. it was magical…. it was perfect…. and I… I can’t get enough…..

*I pull you even closer to me, my own breath slowly evening out against your skin as I try to get my breathing back to normal*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: You were amazing.. ugh I can’t get enough of you.. work is going to be so hard tomorrow.. okay *i whine* new rule.. while we’re on school grounds no pda.. I mean hand holding and the occasional kiss is okay but beyond that we have to be professional…

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I pull you into my arms again with a pout at your words, my body flushing again as you describe me as ‘amazing’*

Darling please… don’t talk about work…..

*I bite my lip as I think about the rule for a moment, my grip on you slightly tightening*

Darling….. fine, no pda in school…… but I can’t go that long without touching you, darling…

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I know I don’t like that rule either but to keep us from getting in trouble or loosing our jobs we’re gonna have too baby okay? *I kiss your nose. Gently caressing your hair*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I sigh at your words, knowing that you are right but still not wanting to have any time where I can’t touch you when I need you*

Darling…. Darling I don’t like it…. but you are right…. we can’t risk it…. just…. just promise you won’t make me go too long….

*I gently nuzzle your neck, my body relaxing at the feel of your fingers running though my hair*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I know..but If I were the reason for you loosing your job I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself but if it came to that I’d quit before anything.. I know how much you love being a teacher Mel.

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I sigh softly as I lay my head against your shoulder, my arm wrapping around you tightly as my breathing begins to even out, my body feeling completely relaxed against you*

Darling… if…. if it ever came to that then you would come with me. We’d find new jobs together. You do understand that there is no one else I will allow to touch me like this, right, honey? I can’t and will never give this up…

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I know baby but no, you’d keep your job and I’d find another.. you wouldn’t lose me ever, never.

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I lift my head from your shoulder to look at you in the eyes, a frown on my face at even the thought of you leaving me*

Darling…. Darling I can’t work with any of these idiots without you. I love them.. but I can’t do it without you, I’m not putting up with Gregory and him not liking pizza and Ava and her antics for longer than I have to. I will come with you.

*I kiss you gently on the lips, my frown melting instantly at the feel of your lips*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Barbara is your best friend… absolutely not baby. You two are inseparable.

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My frown turns into a pout as you dismiss my words, my head shaking slightly as I look at you in the eyes*

Darling…. my friendship with her is nothing compared to what we share. Darling…. I don’t care who it is… I can’t do this job without you.

*I pull you even closer, my body completely pressed to yours as I try to make you understand* Please… you gotta understand, sweetheart.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: You won’t have to worry. I’m not gonna be leaving anytime soon or ever okay? Don’t worry about it * I pull you into a tight hug*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I bury my face into your neck tightly in your hug, my body clinging to you as you reassure me, your words causing me to shiver slightly, the thought of losing you sending my heartbeat into a panic*

Darling… I want to believe you…. but…. but never say never….. but I’ll hold onto you for as long as you promise to hold on to me, okay?

*I pull back from your neck to look at you with seriousness in my eyes, needing complete reassurance*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I promise. Oh believe me.. I’ve never broken any promises right?? Why would I start now hm? * I look you in the eyes with a sense of worry*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I look at you with a frown at your question, my face breaking into a mischievous grin as I think of our past. My head starts to shake softly at your question, my fingers trailing down your neck, my tone completely teasing*

Darling…. are you sure you want to ask that question? *I bite back a smirk at you, my eyebrows raising at you*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Oh I’m sure.. have I broken any promises on purpose?? * I look at you with a confused look on my face.*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I hum against your neck playfully at your words, my teeth biting gently as you try to convince me, my body squirming on top of you in happiness*

Darling, you have broken a few promises…. but I suppose it isn’t your fault that you aren’t able to keep them from me… I’m just too good at convincing you…. are you sure you aren’t getting too old to withstand me?

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: You’re right I can’t keep anything from you. I’m positive.. I’ll never get too old for you. I love you too much

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I smile gently at your words, the way you sound so sure makes my heart flutter and my body relax against you, knowing that your words are true. My fingers continue to trace up and down your body softly as I think about you, my face breaking out into a wide smile as I look at you*

Darling you’ve been with me for so long… you know I’m not leaving…. I mean…. I put up with you…

*I smile softly as I kiss you, my hand coming to your face softly*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: How can you not put up with me? *i smile*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *A smirk breaks out onto my face, my fingers trailing down to your chest to playfully poke you, my eyes narrowing in on you*

I have no idea…. I can’t imagine how I’ve dealt with you this long…. your voice, your attitude, your ego….. I don’t know why I do it….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Because??? You.. say it..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I smirk at your words, my voice growing soft as I look down at you. My hand softly strokes across your cheek as my eyes connect with yours*

Because…. Because I love you, darling… now what are you going to do with that information?

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Say I love you back… I love you

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My smile grows wider as I keep looking into your eyes, gently pulling you closer against me. My voice is as gentle as I look into your eyes and whisper to you*

I love you… I love you so much. You are my one…. The only one for me….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I smile resting my head on your chest *

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I wrap my arms around you as you lay against my chest, my fingers threading through your hair tenderly. I lay there for a moment, holding you close and just enjoying the feel of you on top of me. My eyes stare up at the ceiling as I lay against you, your scent surrounding me. My head turns to yours gently, my lips finding the top of your head to press a tender kiss to it*

My love….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Yes baby??

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I sigh softly, my arms tightening around you slightly as the thoughts run though my mind. I gently press another kiss to your temple, my hand gently squeezing your thigh*

Darling…. you’re the only one in this world made for me, you know that?

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I am?.. really? * my eyes light up *

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My breath stutters as joy fills my body at the soft look of surprise on your face at my words, my body pulling yours even closer at your happiness*

Yes, really, my love. You are the only one I want forever, the only one who makes me feel complete. Forever my love, my darling….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Aw… I- I don’t know what to say baby.. * I pout my lip.*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I giggle at your pout, my fingers gently caressing the bottom of your lip, lightly tugging down as I look at you*

Darling, you’re so cute…. why are you pouting? You are just so cute, my love….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Keeping myself from.. crying..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My brows raise at your words, my eyes narrowing in on you, my fingers tracing down your chin, tilting your head up towards me as I look into your eyes*

Darling… why are you trying to hold back tears? Please tell me what’s wrong….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * A single tear escapes from my eyes* you’re- you’re… mmm.. sorry…

I’m not use to having any type of emotional regularity. The last time I even said anything about my feelings, my emotions I was in the wrong. I was made to feel guilty about them.

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My face softens instantly at the feeling of your tear on my thumb, my heart beating faster at the sight of your tears.*

Darling…. my love…. what is wrong? Please… please tell me, don’t hold it in, darling, please….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I close my eyes and take a deep breath in..* okay… um.. you’re just so incredibly amazing to me.. and I’ve never been able to experience a love like this before and it’s all so overwhelming sometimes because.. I can’t even express how I feel into words and… *I start sobbing*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I immediately pull you close against my chest as I hear you start to cry, my arms wrapping tightly around you and holding you to my body. I hold you as tightly as I can in an attempt to comfort you, my fingers soothingly stroking the back of your head*

Oh my love…. my sweet, sweet love….

*My voice is as gentle and soft as possible as I hold you close, not sure what else to say to help soothe you, my body relaxing as you lay against me*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Why do I keep crying like this? This is the second time today! * I laughed a little before I continue to cry in your arms*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I smile softly at the sound of your little laugh as you cry, my hand gently stroking up and down the back of your head in reassurance. I can’t help but laugh with you, a chuckle escaping me before I respond*

Darling, crying is good for the soul! It’s a good way to release emotions. And what did I tell you about apologizing for your emotions? Never apologize when you are expressing your feelings to me…. I want to know how you feel, even… if it brings you to tears.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Do you really?? Or do you think I’m just a big baby?… * I sniff wiping the tears off your chest.*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My head cocks at your words, a small scowl forming on my face at your thought that I wouldn’t want to know how you truly feel. My hand cups your face softly, my thumb gently wiping a stray tear away*

Darling, I don’t think you’re being a big baby…. Why would you even ask that? What could have ever made you think that I wouldn’t want to know how you feel?

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I cry* because people in the past have said I’m too emotional or not emotional enough, I’m quote; ‘ Emotionally Unavailable’. Because I’m afraid you are going to be just like everyone else who promised who wouldn’t leave me and then surprise surprise, you leave! *I pull away from you a bit*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My heart clenches as you speak about the past, a frown covering my face at the thought of those idiots that broke your heart so easily. My hands find your face again, gently pulling you back so you look me in the eyes*

Darling… you are not emotional unavailable… how could you think that? You’re not too emotional… darling you’re perfect. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, my love. And I would never… ever… leave you. You hear me?

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: No… this is my insecurities getting the best of me and when I let my guard down… * I wipe my eyes.* that’s when shit falls apart! Then I get hurt and then the cycle just continues!!! I’m sorry for yelling at you baby.. I’m sorry

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I shake my head violently at your words, my eyes pleading for you to hear me as my thumb brushes more tears off your cheeks*

Darling, don’t you dare apologize for crying. Don’t you ever apologize for your feelings. I meant what I said, there is nothing to be apologized for. And I would much rather you be open and emotional with me then hold it all in, okay? I want to know how you are feeling my love.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: *I shake my head* it’s not okay baby.. I’m not use to someone being so emotionally responsible like you and then there’s me..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My heart clenches at your words, my breath catching in my throat at the look in your eyes. My lips twitch slightly as you look down, my fingers tracing along your jaw for a moment as I gather my thoughts. When my eyes look back up into yours, they are full of nothing but sincerity and love as I talk*

Darling, please listen to me…. You are emotional, yes, but that is not a bad thing. I don’t mind emotional… in fact… I love emotional.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I don’t know if I can.. * I start sobbing again*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I immediately pull you back into my arms, holding you tightly against you. My chin rests on your shoulder as my arms wrap around you, not saying a word, just holding the trembling form of the woman I love so tightly that I am almost worried I’m squeezing the life from you*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: It’s okay if you don’t want to do this anymore.. I-

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My eyes squeeze shut at your words, my heart practically beating out of my chest as fear floods my body at the thought. My own breath stutters as my grip immediately tightens around you, my head shaking furiously in your neck as I cling to you*

NO. Never…. Never say that to me. You hear me? There is not a place on this planet that will take me from you. I am never leaving you…. Never

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Baby.. you’re just going to.. get tired of me like everyone does. And.. I’m okay with that. *I kiss your cheek lightly *

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My body pulls away at your words, my hands moving to grip your shoulders as I look at you as seriously as I can*

Don’t you EVER say I’m going to get tired of you. You don’t know how wrong you are. All I’ve ever wanted was to find someone like you. So no, I will not get sick of you because I love you. And I will never stop.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I look into it your eyes. I caress your face.* oh.. darling.. tell me how wrong I am then hm?

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My breath catches at the sensation of your hand on my face, my heart swelling at the sweet gesture. I take your hand and raise it up to my lips to press a gentle kiss to your palm, my eyes never leaving yours as I speak*

Darling, you’re so very wrong. I am so in love with you that I will never ever be able to have enough. I don’t care how many years it’s been, one year or twenty….. I will never get tired of you.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I sigh quietly* we’ve been dating all of a couple hours now.. I know you love me and I love you- tell me more on how wrong I am..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My eyebrows raise at your words for a fleeting second before I realize what you are doing, the warmth of my love for you spreading through my body as I gently rest my forehead against yours, my eyes looking into yours seriously as I speak my words with a love and passion that I’ve never held for anyone else*

Darling, we’ve been together as a couple for just a couple of hours, sure… but we’ve been dancing around these feelings for a very… very…. very long time, haven’t we?

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘴𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I open my eyes again and tears weld into them again.* I-

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My heart practically stops at the sight of the tears forming in your eyes again, my arms looping around you in an attempt to soothe you. My thumbs stroke lightly at your cheeks, wiping away any tears before they can trail down your face*

Oh… no… no sobbing… stop crying…. please…

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Please… stop-

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I pull your body close against mine, my fingers gently stroking at the back of your head as I try to hold you as tightly as I can. My head gently rests on top of yours as I whisper to you, my voice soft and gentle*

Darling…. look at me…

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I don’t know- I- If I can..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My voice grows just a little firmer as I speak to you, my eyes pleading with yours as I gently move your head so you can look at me*

Darling, please…. you have to look at me. We will never get anywhere if you just keep your eyes closed. Please… open your eyes and look at me, my love….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I look into your eyes.* what?? They’re open now.. now what?

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My heart calms down as i see your eyes open again, the love and adoration in my own eyes on full display as I look at you*

Darling… the reason I asked you to open your eyes was because I wanted to get to look at you. You’re gorgeous… so beautiful…

*My thumb lightly glides over your now tear stained cheek, before I continue to speak to you, my voice practically a whisper in your ear*

And you’re mine.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I’m- I’m none of those things.. that is all you..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I can’t help the way my heart begins to shatter at your words, my brow furrowing just slightly as I hold back the urge to tell you how wrong you are. A small sigh escapes me, my hand gently tucking a loose piece of your hair behind your ear*

Darling, if you don’t think you’re beautiful then you need to get a new pair of glasses. You’re perfect, darling. No, in fact…. You’re more than perfect. You’re extraordinary and you’re all mine

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: *I scoff a little* I’m not the one who wears glasses.. you are.. I-you- mmm- I

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I can’t help the small smile that starts to form on my face at your small joke, a breathy chuckle escaping me as I look at you, my gaze still so full of love and adoration for you*

Yes, you’re right…. I did forget that I wear glasses, didn’t I? But that’s not what matters right now. Right now what you need to do is listen to me…

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Mmm- * I groan* listening…

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My smile grows wider at your groan, my hand on your chin lifting your face so you’re looking me straight on again, my fingers gently cupping your cheek as I gaze into your eyes*

Darling…. Repeat after me. “I, [insert name] am beautiful and perfect.”

*I smile softly at you, knowing how difficult this will probably be for you*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Mmm I- hmmm… I don’t even compare to how beautiful you are to me…

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I can’t help but shake my head at your comment, a small groan escaping me as i look at your stubborness*

Darling, that is not what I asked. I asked you to repeat what I said. Go on. “I, [insert name] am beautiful and perfect.” We’ll worry about me in a minute. But please, for me, repeat what I said. Do it for me.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I- * I roll my eyes* you know Jesus doesn’t like liars.. how can I say something I don’t find myself as.. how am I suppose to get into heaven with you?

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I can’t help but smile softly at the groan I hear from you, my thumb stroking your soft cheek as I continue to look into your eyes with love and adoration. A small chuckle escapes me as you joke at the thought*

Darling, there is nothing about you that would get you kicked out of Heaven. In fact, just look at you…. You’re an ANGEL. So let me tell you once again, look at me….

*My gaze never leaves your eyes as I wait patiently for you to repeat my words*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: *I grown a little louder again.* Melissa Schemmenti… fine… ugh… I… Kassandra am beautiful and perfect.. happy??

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *As soon as the words leave your mouth the smile blooms wider on my face, my eyes lighting up as you finally say what I wanted to hear and a breathy laugh escapes me. I pull you closer to me, my arms wrapping around your body tightly as I smile at you, my thumbs gently stroking your face again*

Never happier, my love. And if you ever need a reminder of how beautiful and perfect you are, I will be here to tell it to you as many times as you need to hear it.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I bite my lip* mmm.. let me hear it again..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I can’t help the smile that graces my face as I realize what you’re asking me, my heart fluttering with love for you as I stare into your soft, dark eyes. My voice comes out in a whisper, my breath gently tickling your face as I lean in a little closer to you*

You are beautiful. You’re perfect. You’re sweet. You’re kind. You’re smart. And you’re mine.

*My fingers stroke softly at the skin of your cheek again.*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: *I softly smile.* tell me how much you love me?… please…

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I pull you closer and gently nuzzle my nose against yours, my fingers now gently tracing up and down your arm as I look into your eyes and speak to you in a soft whisper*

How much do I love you? I love you from the tips of your messy curls… down to the tips of your perfect toes. In fact, darling, I love you in every fathomable way. And I will not stop loving you. Ever.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Yeah?? Do you now?

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My head moves back a little as I raise an eyebrow at your statement, my eyes widening in disbelief at the possibility that you question my love and devotion to you. A small sigh escapes me as I look at you intensely, my voice practically a whisper as my heart rate begins to speed up.*

You doubt my love for you? How could you question it? I would do anything in the world for you, my love. Anything. And I do mean ANYTHING. That’s how much I care.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: No.. I don’t doubt that.. I just wanna hear you keep saying it..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I can’t help the small grin that forms on my lips as my heart skips a beat at your response. My thumbs gently stroke your cheeks, a shiver coursing through me at the thought of telling you how much I love you over and over again*

In that case, darling, then you will hear it. Again. And again. And again. I love you. I love you more than the moon loves the stars. And I will continue to proclaim my love to you forever and ever, and never get tired.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Mmm.. I love the way you say I love you. The way your.. left eye twitches ever so slightly.. the corner of your lips curling with the words dripping from your voice..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My eyes search your face as you describe the way I say “I love you”, my heart stuttering at the thought of it. I can’t help the small breathy chuckle that escapes me at your comment*

Darling, you’re so observant. I’ve never realized what happens to me when I say “I love you”. My left eye really does twitch like that?

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I nod my head slowly.* yeah… it’s cute actually… it happened this morning when you told me you loved me back..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *A small smile stretches across my lips as you remind me of the first time I said “I love you” back to you. My fingers gently move up to your face, my fingertips gently grazing over the soft skin of your face as my gaze on you grows intense again*

Darling… I’m glad you find it cute because… I’ll be doing it for the rest of our lives.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Oh.. please?

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I can’t help the small breathy chuckle that escapes my throat at your words, my heart swelling when I think about what you’re saying. My thumb gently caresses along your cheek as I look at you*

Darling… I will repeat it until the end of time. I will say “I love you” as often as you want to hear it. Every time you need to hear it. Always and forever, my love… I will love you forever.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Say it a million times more …

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *A wide smile grows on my lips as you speak, my heart practically bursting with love for you as I start to whisper it over and over to you, my hands moving to tangle gently in your hair as I pull you closer to me.*

I love you, darling, I love you… I love you I love you I love you…. I love you.

I love you…. I love you… I will always love you…

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: *I smile big as you tell me how much you love me* Like the Dolly Parton song?!..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *A small breathy chuckle escapes me as I realize the reference you’re making, my smile growing wider as I look up at you and whisper softly once again*

Well… like the Dolly Parton song… but better. Because it’s to you. I will always love you, darling.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘴𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Mmm.. I didn’t know I was better than that iconic song..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *The corner of my mouth quirks up in a small smirk as I let out a small chuckle, my fingers gently running from your hair and down your back, resting on the small of your back*

Oh darling…. of course you’re better than that song. Because instead of some random person saying they’ve loved someone for a hundred lifetimes, you’ve got me, declaring that I will love you for a million lifetimes to come. So yes. You are better than that song.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: *I kiss your nose. I pout my lip* Baby… you mean all that? Really?

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *Your kiss on my nose makes butterflies flutter in my stomach and as you pout at me in question, I can’t help but smile at you once again*

Yes, love…. I mean every single word that comes out of my mouth. I will love you for eternity, for a million lifetimes to come. Nothing will ever change that. You will always, always, always have my love, darling. You will always have me….

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I love you.. so much baby.. I’m sorry.. again * I pull you into a tight hug*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My body fits perfectly against yours in your tight hug and a content sigh escapes me as I bury my face in your hair, the smell of your shampoo filling my nose as I hold you close*

I love you, my darling. I love you…. And you have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing you could ever do would make me love you any less, darling.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I do.. I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry if I didn’t make it seem like I didn’t love you I’m- sorry

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I pull away slightly from the hug to look at you as you speak, my gaze soft and tender as I listen to you.*

Darling you have absolutely *nothing* to be sorry for. I should be sorry for not showing you that you were perfect. I should’ve done that from the start. *I pull you into me again, nuzzling my nose against you again as I speak softly, my warm breath tickling your neck and ear*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘴𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: You have shown me.. I’m the one who was too blind to see…

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *The sound of your muttered words makes me shake my head softly, my hand gently running up and down your back as I speak*

Darling…. You’ve got to stop blaming yourself. There is absolutely *nothing* wrong in that beautiful little mind of yours. You’re perfect just as you are and you will always be perfect to me.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I can’t help it.. I’m sorry baby.. I’ll do better I promise..

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *The softness in my voice becomes more firm as I stare at you intently, refusing to let you blame yourself for the situation*

No, baby *you’re* the one that doesn’t have to apologize. It’s *me* who needs to apologize for not making sure you felt beautiful and perfect all the time. You’re perfect, darling, don’t ever think you’re anything but.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Baby… you do make me feel all those things and more..it’s my fault

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *The small frown on my face immediately deepens as you continue to blame yourself while refusing to listen to me.*

No, darling, it is not your fault. And I will continue to tell you that it’s *not your fault* until I die. So don’t you worry your pretty little head over it, ok, baby?

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘴𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Mmm… you know I will… I’m stubborn like.. you. * I kiss your face*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *A wide smile appears on my face at your words and as you kiss me, my hand gently tracing along your jawline*

Darling, we are both the same kind of stubborn, aren’t we? *a small chuckle escapes me* I love that about you, though. It’s adorable.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Mmm.. I think you’re more stubborn but I digress. It is? Maybe I’ll be more stubborn often yeah?

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *I can’t help the small laugh that escapes me at your comment, my eyes twinkling as I stare at you*

Darling, I am not more stubborn than you. I love your stubbornness, but I’ll continue to tell you how perfect and beautiful you are, so try as I might, it will be difficult to get you to be more stubborn.

*I nuzzle my nose against yours affectionately before I gently press my lips against your skin, kissing softly.*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘴𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: And where did you think I learned from?? You. The best there ever was.. * i lightly kiss your jaw*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *A small content sigh escapes me at your soft kiss and as I gently grip the back of your neck in my hand so that I can keep you close, my breath hitches*

Baby…. The best there ever was… *my hand runs softly down your back, lingering on your butt, my eyes sparkling with adoration as my heart bursts with love for you.*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: Mhmmm, that’s you. * I wrap my arms around you tightly*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *The way you cling to me so tightly causes me to pull you even more closely to me, wrapping my arms firmly around your body and holding you close*

You’re right, darling. *I whisper quietly as I softly nuzzle my face against yours, placing soft kisses along it*

That’s me. Because I’d do anything for you, darling. Anything…. *my breath hitches and I can feel my heart beating faster*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: I.. love you so much.. you’re an angel.. * I stare into your eyes*

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: Mmm…. Darling *I can’t help the way my heart skips a beat as you stare at me so intently, my hand moving to gently cup your chin, my thumb gently grazing over your cheek and the corner of your lip*

I would gladly give up heaven if it meant being with you, my love. *I pull you softly into me, my lips gently brushing over yours*

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: * I kiss your nose repeatedly.* I know you’re gonna get there, I’ll make sure of it. But now you’re just my heaven on earth.

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *A small breathy chuckle escapes me as your lips press onto my nose over and over again, my gaze growing soft and tender as I stare lovingly at you*

Darling… I love you so much. You’re the love of my life, darling. And I would spend forever being your heaven on earth, as long as you’d let me be.

𝘒𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘢: You’re mine forever.

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢: *My heart practically soars at your words and as I hold you tight, a soft, happy sigh escapes me, a tender smile growing on my lips as I look at you*

I’m yours forever. And don’t you forget it, darling. *I gently brush my lips against yours, before pulling away and burying my face against your neck, pressing soft kisses there*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥, 𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺. 𝘈𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰̀ 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

𝘈𝘭𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘺𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 ❤️

𝘛𝘢𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵: @sasheemo @privatetruths @winters-witch24 @meowmeowhissss @schemmentis @morgana-larkin @sebcheb

𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥!!! 𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 ✨

[agirlwholovesrockstars]

smile idiot, I love you

☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆

❣ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❣

• Summary : you called Eddie because you've been so down lately nothing brightens you up whatever you try to do but he only leads you to disappointment

• Word Count : mini fics for a reason hehe

• Warnings : 18+ Bestfriend!Eddie Munson x FEM!reader, cursing, reader and Eddie are both (20), use of y/n, self-doubt, overthinking, worrying about the future, just a dash of personal family problems, slight allusions to su*cide, not feeling good enough, Eddie can be a real idiot on this lol, reader is just really having a bad week and she needs someone to comfort her, that's it

• What to Expect : friends to lovers, angst and fluff

• Note To Reader : I'm trying to write more as I can here! so, I hope you'll appreciate it! 🥺🫶🏻✨ also I kinda projecting myself on this fic :')) I just wish there's someone like Eddie in my highschool life, but the problem is I am Eddie in highschool 😭

• Author Note : actually, the fic title itself has a history on my middle school days, it's what I quote to my crush for over (10 years 👀) HELP HAHAHA yeah I still do have a crush on that specific person until now anyways enough about me, I just realized that little phrase is so perfect for Eddie hehe

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You're now entering adulthood

Well, a young adult

Sooner or later, you'll be 21 and feeling like you haven't accomplished anything yet

You feel young but also at the same time you feel old

You know it is wrong to be worrying about your future because you're ignoring what you're having right now

You can't lie to yourself for it, you're grateful and thankful for all the blessings that come into your life

You got healed by all of things that scarred and traumatized you, the things that made you feel insecure about your looks and from all of the people who betrayed you before?

Your past self will still be self-loathing, low-esteem and still keep holding grudges

But now, you made peace with that like truthfully

You have never been more so comfortable and confident in your whole life after all of the things that happened back in when you we're 14

You seriously just can't help that you're like stuck in the middle didn't know which road or path that you will take over

Many people say that is okay if you don't have anything yet, is it that much more exciting?

But sometimes the fear comes first on you like you think about it a lot

What if this is it?

What if this is who you will be with all of your life?

College life, finding and looking for a job, trying anything you possibly can to earn money for your needs

It's all coming too fast it's like what they say, "Take a good care of treasuring your moments while still in your teens because time moves speedily"

It's true, you feel like you just had your 18 birthday yesterday and now all of the sudden you woke up and now you're 20

You're reaching your 20's and can't help but also worrying about your relationship status

Your family and everyone who is close to you are expecting you to be married

"Snap out of it!" You vocally told yourself to shut up your running mind

You close the door behind you

But before you take the stairs heading to your bedroom, you want to talk about how you feel with your parents

The moment you're about to open the sliding doors in the backyard, you overheard your parents arguing with each other

You frown and slumped your shoulders

You decided against it, so, you grip tightly on your bag and walk upstairs to your bedroom

You closed the door, you pressed your back on it and sliding down to sit on the carpeted floors of your bedroom and then threw your bag on your chair and you deeply sighed

You facepalmed yourself as your mind goes running a muck

You glanced at the telephone on your bedside table

Should you call Eddie?

Nah, he doesn't even want to be a part of your problem, you don't want to be a burden

The time when you get comfortable around Eddie, it feels like you can tell many things to him and he won't even judge you for it

The thing is that, you both haven't crossed that line in the level of friendship

You haven't showed your side of vulnerability and of course, he hasn't seen you sad like this

There's a splash of embarrassing feeling that is crawling under your skin and also you know you will regret opening up to him because you aren't used to it anymore

You used to be vocal about how you really feel to some of your friends

But since one of them betrayed you

Used your personal problems against you and shamed you for it, told somebody else about it and it saddens you and angers you

It changed everything, now, it's so hard to trust everybody for you

Ever since you and Eddie started your friendship, you've been itching to give him a glimpse of you that sometimes your life isn't happy-go-lucky most of the time

You can keep it to yourself, you know sometimes it isn't right to cling on somebody if you feel like this, you need to help yourself too

But now, you need it, you need someone else to listen

The muffled noises outside of your room, you could them more clearly behind the closed door, they still have the same heated argument, you think they went inside now

Your stomach grumbles, you really don't want to go down there while they're still having a fit but you sigh as you stand up and twist the doorknob open

They're in the living room as you headed towards the kitchen

You saw the plate that your mom prepared for you, you take it and grab a bottle of apple juice as you went back to your room quietly

"Hey, young lady!" Your dad shouted out to you as he loudly stomps, you flinched on the middle of the stairs

"Just leave her alone!"

"Why do you go to your room all the time, huh?!? Why don't you just eat in the dining table where you supposed to be?!?"

You hang your head low, you didn't speak but you can feel your heart racing

"Look at your kid! Our child is misbehaving and treating a lot of matters with disrespect"

"She is not acting like that-"

"She doesn't even talk to her parents!"

You still went on your bedroom finally but your tears are now clouding your vision as you placed your food at the small table in front of your bed

You glanced at the phone again and this time you didn't even hesitated, you dialed his telephone number as you collected yourself first and keep your breathing lowly

You're still sniffling and your tears still running down on your cheeks

You're too overwhelmed with everything

Your heart is about to explode of how much is going on right now, you feel like he doesn't gonna pick up the phone until few minutes later

"Hello?"

His voice lightens you up the moment you heard it

You cleared your throat "Eddie?" Your winced at your voice croaked

"Hey there, sweetheart!" He doesn't even notice how small your voice is

You mustered up and plastered a fake smile as if he can see you behind the phone

"Uh- I'm good, Eddie"

You can see him how he nods behind the phone as he spoke again "I miss you by the way"

Your eyes went wide to his words despite at how disastrous you look, your cheeks bloom in red

He missed you like a friend, right? Not the other way around?

"W-what?!?"

"I said I miss you!" He chuckles and it shoots more butterflies into your stomach at the sound of it

You squeezed your shut as your lips tug into a small smile as you wipe the residue tears from your face as you take a deep breath

You ignore the thrilling feeling that you're having right now as you ask him straight away

"Can you come over?" Your voice cracks as your eyes start to dart everywhere and hoping that he'll do it

You didn't even care if you sounded so weak at this point

You could hear him shuffling and making rustling sounds

You furrow your brows "Eddie, what are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready to come over" you can hear the keys to his van jingling

But before you can protest he said before he hanged up

"See you later, sweetheart"

"Are you sure-" the line went off as you stare at the phone with excited smile on your face

You freshen up and went in with your comfy sleepwear, you wore a strapped lavender top and short as you pull a cream cardigan sweater

You saw him parked in front of your house as you jogged towards the front door

Thank goodness, your parents are asleep they would never hear him coming

You unlocked and swing the door open before he can ring the doorbell

Your favorite smile of his appears as he saw you, he didn't even think twice of you hugging you

He also didn't noticed your lost eyes and your feeling blue expression

He lets himself inside as you manage to give him a smile

You told him to keep his voice low as you tell him your parents are asleep but he does his antics as always as you let out a genuine giggle

His eyes softens as he heard that a lot of times you hang out together

You both sat down on the couch as goes on with his usual rambling about his band and his D&D campaign

It's almost 8pm and you haven't told him what's the reason why he is here

Maybe, he thought that you called him to catch up with the things that you both missed out on for not bonding for the last 2 weeks

"E-Eddie" you tried to get his attention

But he still so very phased with his story to you

"The crowd goes crazy-"

"Eddie!"

He abruptly stops when your voice gets higher than before as you throw your hands up

His eyes goes a lot more bigger to your unusual behavior as he started to shift on his seat

"I'm sorry" you softly say as you look at him briefly on his eyes

"Eddie, I need to talk to you"

"Yeah, we're doing it aren't we? and you just rudely interrupted me"

"That's not-"

He cuts you off and you really don't want to get mad on you only one bestfriend who seems oblivious to what are you dealing now

"Can you recall of what I just said?" He exaggerated his words and becomes more dramatic

"You aren't even listening!" He runs his palms down playfully on his face

You're in disbelief

You tried to mask your shocked expression as you tried to chuckle

Does he even see the longing and need in your eyes?

Does he even know how low you are at the moment?

Or are you maybe picked the wrong person to talk to?

Maybe, you should've asked Max to come over instead of him

He feels that you're oddly quiet as he stopped talking again as he looked at you

He saw an unreadable expression on your face as he tries to understand it

That's the only time when he feels like something is wrong and off about this

He can feel how the atmosphere changed seconds later, he can feel the tension rising up in the air

You start to twiddle with your thumbs as you look down again

"Eddie, I called you to come over because I really need to talk to you"

"Yeah, we haven't seen each other for 2 weeks"

He's right at some points at that but not tonight, you incredulously laugh at him

"I-Isn't that the reason why I am in here?" He is confused as he tries to search for your face as you raised your head slowly

You look right back at him and that's where it hit him

The unreadable expression that he saw earlier, he can see it clearly now

He can see how hurt you look and how upset you are, his words caught up in his throat

That's where he finally realized that you're not doing any good ever since the call that you both had earlier

He feels like he's about to puke from his dumb actions

He can feel the bile forming up on his esophagus as he breath suddenly shudders at the sight of you

"I asked you to come here because I thought you will listen" you paused as you smile sadly at him

"It turns you're insensitive" you scoff as you went in the front door

He wants to hold your hand and ask for forgiveness but you ignore his words as you push him not too hard only for him to get him out of your house

Not giving him another word or a chance to let him talk as you already slammed the door closed as you start running up at the stairs as you let the tears fall

The phone rings is what made Eddie wake up

He groaned and he saw what time it is and now his head is like about to pop how achy it is

He only slept for 2 in a half hours

Did he ruin the friendship?

Is it over?

Did he lost the potential to have something more than friends with you?

His eyes went glassy as the events of last night replays back on his head as he massages his forehead as he picks up the phone

"Hello?" He sounds groggy but the person behind the other line is getting impatient with him

"It's about damn time!" Max's voice made him winced at it

"O-Oh hey, red- what-"

"Eddie, I think you need to check on her"

"Why?"

"Don't ask me questions just get in here!"

"That's my fault-"

"I knew it that you're the cause of it-" she takes a deep breath to calm down

"I-I'm just worried for her, Eddie- she isn't like this, she would've picked up the phone right now but she didn't, I can't contact her and I am literally here on her porch and I feel like she's keeping me away and ignoring me"

Eddie feels like a shit, there's this huge mega ton of weight fell down to his chest as he couldn't even take the guilt of his chest

"So, please, come here and I think you're the only one who can get to her"

"What makes you say that"

"Because, Eddie she has feelings for you"

He frozed and look back at the telephone as if she can see his reaction but he felt the eye roll that she did when Eddie went silent for a bit

"Oh, don't celebrate yet, you haven't talked to her"

"She may not say it to me but I can tell how the way she acts around you, you made her feel welcomed and that's hard for her, Eddie so don't take it by the heart if she goes sometimes harsh on you"

"Nah, red, thanks- I think I deserved the words that she thrown at me last night"

"What's the update?" He says as he watches the red headed girl getting panicked

Max paced back and forth on your front porch with her arms crossed

"There's none and I'm starting to feel unwell now"

Eddie stares at your front door as he thinks "Did you try to open the door?"

She shakes her head "No, I haven't- and also how can you be so calm?!?"

Eddie shushes her "Just be cool"

"I can't be cool" Max whisper-shouts at him as they quietly went inside

They call your name but no response and they look at each other with such suspense in the room and the fear of your state as the longer the silent increases

They climb up the stairs heading towards your bedroom

Eddie pressed the side of his face on the closed door and he hears a faint sound of a running water like a shower is open on your bathroom

He swivel his head quickly at Max as he told him what he heard and Max tenses as she tries to not jump into conclusions

Eddie opens the door to your bedroom only to find your bed is empty and hasn't properly placed back on its order

Your blinds are slightly open, the bathroom door is not fully closed and the light is on

They're starting to get nervous

Eddie spoke your name quietly again as he places his palms against the door as he pushes it further to open it

Max's heart breaks into half when she saw you sitting in the corner of your shower, you're still in your pajamas and it's now wet from the running water while you're crying horribly but the sight of you being somehow okay gives her a relief

She travels her eyes to your sink bunch of tissues everywhere and the weight is off with her chest as you didn't try to do anything

She knew that you have tendencies to do that and she always looks out for you even though you only give her an idea of what you truly felt, you don't elaborate it that much but just by one word, she knows

She just knows

You saw them both together standing in front of your bathroom doorframe that made you cover your face with your hands

Eddie is much more disheartened than last night seeing you like that is a punch to the gut

"I'll leave you to it, I'll stay downstairs" Max whispers to him as she gave him an encouraging smile as she left you both together as he closes the bedroom door

Eddie is determined to fix everything that he should've done last night

He makes his way over to you, you haven't seen him yet when he crouches down to hold you by his side, you flinched and gasp by his touch

Your knit your brows together at him as you eyes went everywhere on his face, he smiles at you and you mirrored his small gesture as he opens his arms as you went with it

He didn't even care if he gets wet like you

The water is now seeping through his clothes and his hair is getting damp but still he doesn't care

You hold onto to him like it was your last breath and that drives him to held you close to him

He rests his chin on the top of your head as you breathe heavily against his chest

"I'm so sorry" He says as his voice wavered as you pulled your brows together as you remove yourself off of him as you look at him in the eyes

"What- Eddie? I should be the one who is sorry because that is so selfish of me, I spoiled the night, you we're excited to tell me everything what I've missed from last 2 weeks and I'm just so self-centered not thinking about you first-"

He shook his head at you as he holds your hand you let him intertwined your fingers to him

"No, don't blame yourself, sweetheart- it's me, I am truly sorry about last night, I wish I could go back and redo the shitty thing that I did to you because I should've known, I should've known because I'm your bestfriend but I wanted to let you know that I do care about you so much, so much that I didn't get to sleep enough today I always think about you and please, please don't ever have doubts talking to me about the stuff that it's nagging with you because you can always be real to me"

You swallow the lump in your throat as you stare at him completely appalled to his words

His chest tightens, is he forgiven or not?

You watch how the water falls to him so perfectly and it's tempting to place your lips onto his, you didn't even thinking about it anymore

You already did

You breath hitches of your sudden action, the cold water seems to be so cold to you as you watch his cheeks turns to a tinge pink

He gave you a look that you don't seem to understand as he cups your cheeks as he returns the kiss

You yelp on the bathroom floor as you both started making out with each other with ragged breaths

He deepens it as he hold you by the waist as you held the back of his neck to pull him much more closer if that's possible

He felt your lips stopped moving as he looks back at you

Are you thinking that this is a mistake?

"Did I do something wrong?" It's a comedy to watch his face turns pale when you suddenly become quiet

"Smile idiot, I love you" you chuckle at him as you saw his shoulders relaxed as he takes a double look at you and what you just said to him

"You love me?!" He points to himself

You nod at him excitedly as you sheepishly smile

"Aww, I love you too, sweetheart- I can't fucking believe this" you giggled when he pulled you to give you another kiss

Max bangs the door that you two stop at what you're both doing

"You two better not get hanky panky in there!"

You both get dried up as you let him use your dad's old clothes

While Max is ordering pizza for lunch, you and Eddie are on the sofa, he's sitting while you're resting on his lap as he drew relaxing circles on your legs as his another hand caressing your head as you continue talking to him

He is attentive and looking at you intently

You told him everything and you see the way his shoulders slump and his eyes flashes with sympathy

"You're the strongest person that I know and I am proud of you, I really do" he kisses your cheek and you smile

"But you gotta remember that life isn't a race, this is not about who is going to be first one to be successful, there are a lot of people who don't know what their plans for their life yet and that is okay, don't you ever worry for the future and we are still young, there's so so sooooo many things to look forward to, there's so many great memories that haven't happened yet, just enjoy life and I swear on my Munson's doctrine that I don't care about what other people think of me and I'm just going to do what I want, what I love and enjoy and importantly what I like to do the most"

You giggled to his antics that never fails to make you feel happy and he soothes him

"I just get so overwhelmed with everything sometimes" you say as you avert gaze somewhere else

"That's normal, darling, because you're a human and you're not a robot" he boops your nose as you giggled again

"Do you think that I could do anything?"

"I think you're able to do amazing things and just set your mind to it"

"Thank you" you say to him, you feel a lot more better now

"Just trust me, you'll be fine" he says as he gently pats your thigh

"Okay, I started to get feel sick here because you two won't stop getting off with your hands with each other" she playfully throws up as you and Eddie both laugh

Eddie's eyes sparks mischief as he fires back at Max "Oh, she told me that you harboring feelings on me"

You cheeks went rosy as you glare at her, Eddie laughs at the look of betrayal in your expression

"Max!"

The doorbell rings as she ignores your imply as you she claps her hands together "Pizza!"

Eddie carefully removes your legs as he starts to help Max with the pizza

You watch them both as they get excited to bring everything at the coffee table and searching for a good film VHS

See, this is what you wanted

This is what you needed

Eddie is right, you'll be okay

As long as you have them and you evaluating your mentality and your physicality as you grew older and learn from every eventful happenings of your life and breaking free through your fears and letting yourself out there in your comfort zone, you will be proud of yourself more than ever

Because you know your story is not over

It's only just the beginning

[sapphire-drawings]

I want to start writing Don’t Starve fanfic but I’m a lil bit scared 😭 Your work makes me want to create but I’m nervous about being perceived lmao. I see people saying “this may be OOC” and I didn’t think the Don’t Starve characters had much of a character beyond some implications,, I’m afraid of getting it wrong 😅

I'm also scared of being perceived! :D it freaking sucks!! I hate it ✨

And I'd say, you should create, even if you're afraid of it, even if you don't like it like you used to, even if you're tired, even when the idea doesn't seem that good.

You can have a taste of the characters personalities through their quotes and such but at the end of the day there's a TON of head cannons for each one of them. Some of them make sense, many don't, other are just fun! You could either find head cannons you really like and play with them or just write whatever you want.

I often feel like I draw them super out of character. I doubt Wilson would have such strong paternal instincts and energy but I have fun with it! Even when I'm not really satisfied with the end result. Create for yourself, be a little self indulgent even, people may find it good or interesting, maybe not, but remember, there'll always be a hater for everything and that's ok, they're just sad and immature projecting their pathetic feelings through mean words that mean nothing.

Don't worry about what other's might say, just create! Share it with friends, share it with the world or to no one in particular. I have a shit ton of drawings made for myself and only myself.

Never stop creating for what other's might say!

[poppitron360]

tbh i find you annoying but thats just my opinion. you're allowed to do whatever the fuck you want. good for you. my own opinion - based on petty standards and prejudice and a bit of jealousy - is not a reflection of reality and should not affect you. keep having fun.

also please don't block me because you're posting about something i like and it's not very well known and i just needed to get this out because id explode

… Okay?

This ask is fascinating to me and I have SO MANY QUESTIONS. Imma disect your comment like a lil bug real quick, if that’s okay with you?

If it doesn’t affect me why did you tell me? Like what was the purpose of telling me that you find me annoying? What validation does that give you?

Like you took all that time and effort to 1) seek out my blog 2) read enough of my posts to come up with a REALLY REALLY GOOD BURN LIKE WOW THAT IS SO CLEVER 3) Click on the ask button 4) write this comment 5) CHANGE THE FREAKING FONT- Like you went through the whole process of highlighting that line of text, clicking the “minimise” AND the “strikethrough” buttons and THEN 6) pressing send and you didn’t stop to think ONCE “hey… why the hell am I doing this?”

It always baffles me when people tell me these things like they think I’m not already painfully aware of it. Like I know that I’m annoying to some people THAT’S WHY I’M HERE!!! I have found the one community of people that find what I’m saying interesting!

I’m not posting for YOU I’m posting for THEM. You think I give a shit what you think about me? Are you THAT self-centred? Maybe my posts aren’t tailored to you, and that’s fine! Not everyone is making content specifically for your consumption, and might just be marketing to a different audience. If you’re not pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down, that’s okay. Maybe I’m just not putting it down for your specific needs.

You know, before I joined Tumblr, a comment like this would have sent me SPIRALLING. But now I’ve realised that there is actually a place and a people to whom I am entertaining. I just gotta find the right audience.

One of my favourite inspirational quotes ever is by Einstein and it’s that “everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, it would think itself an idiot” or words to that effect. Yeah- my talent for spinning Leo Valdez round my brain like a candy-floss machine until it eventually turns into content isn’t necessarily “fun at parties” or useful for getting a job or good for… y’know… anything applicable to the Real World™️ but here I’ve found where I CAN put it to good use! And a year ago I didn’t have that.

Before Tumblr, my lil fishy body was struggling ‘er way up that tree. Here, I’ve found my ocean!

Not sure where this metaphor is going in relation to the topic of you finding me annoying… I guess fish me doesn’t feel like such an “idiot” now that I’ve found where I belong? Like I know that my talents are niche but SOMEONE likes ‘em. Actually quite a lot of people like ‘em, judging by my follower count. And I didn’t get this far by just having a cute cat pic as my pfp, but by actually building my skill and working hard! And I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. SO FUCK YOU!!! HUZZAH!!!

I’m aware of how much of an asshole I sound like, but honestly? I am proud of myself. And my girl deserves her moment.

I feel a little bad responding guns-ablaze bc your hate comment was legitimately kinda nice and considerate?

But Also- how weird is this as a hate comment? Like you’re being insulting but you’re also saying you like my stuff? Geez, it says a lot about you that you can’t even send anon hate correctly.

If you wanna keep reading my stuff, go ahead! You just either gotta power through whatever weird complex you have about me, or just don’t read it. I don’t really see what good sending me this ask will do. Whatever gripe you have, put it aside. Like how I put aside your lack of capital letters in that comment, knowing that my stupid obsessive thing with Grammar shouldn’t affect how I treat other people, and that that is my OWN problem to deal with.

I’m being silly here. I’ve just never had the confidence to roast my haters before. I’ve never had haters to roast (online, anyway) so forgive my overzealousness. If you couldn’t tell- I was a theatre kid and still am…

In all seriousness, I like how self-aware you are that you’re being prejudiced and jealous. And I’m kinda curious as to what specifically you’re jealous of? But that’s just to boost my own ego.

I’m aware that I can be a little intimidating sometimes, particularly in a written form of socialisation. I like grammar, okay? I like rules and guidelines and careful, creative choices to show emotion and how you can break the rules in certain ways to give depth and nuance to the character and find the pattern of letters and characters to communicate what you’re feeling over a written format and-

If you couldn’t tell by all the fanfics I write- I also have a passion for writing.

Also, what specific prejudices? I’m genuinely intrigued. Is it specifically based off of one of the protective characteristics (under the 2011 Equality Act)? Or is it more just the way I behave? Or is it something I said? Like don’t be shy I don’t want vague I want DETAILS!!

And I realise that me writing a whole freaking dissertation on your comment just PROVES your point that I’m annoying but I. Don’t. Care. I’m having fun. I can’t help that I have a lot of Thoughts And Feelings about things. It’s just how my brain works. Also, it is currently 1:23am where I live, so brain go brrr. If you made it this far, anon, I salute you! Thank you for taking the time to hear me out even though you think I’m annoying. That’s honestly a good quality to have. Here, have a sweet 🍬

And I know that that was… intense, to say the least. Oh BOY do I know that I can be intense. But genuinely- GENUINELY- I’d love to sit down and have a discussion with you on this because it truly fascinates me how other people perceive me. And, if you’re comfortable coming out of anon (if not, that’s fine) I’d like to learn more about why you think these things. Not necessarily so that I can change- but it’d be a great opportunity to see what I can learn about myself through what you think at me. I know it seems like I’m mad- I’m really not! I’m just captivated by the world and how others look at me.

Anyway, thanks for hearing me out, and I hope to have good conversations with legitimate constructive criticism in many posts to come! Never stop being passionate. Just maybe direct your passion to something more positive. Thank you so much for the ask, this was a really good thought experiment for me.

[lesbianreaderidk]

mha females x nb reader incorrect quotes (pt 2)

i didn't realize that this has mostly mina and kyoka with the reader-

I love writing tsu being passive aggressive

Mina, talking about Y/N: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

------------------

Y/N: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints. Momo: What hints have you given them? Y/N: Well, I think about them a lot. Y/N: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.

-----------------

Momo: Ooh, somebody has a crush Kyoka: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Y/N I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. Later that night Kyoka, very much awake: Uh oh.

-----------------

Y/N: I love you. Tsu, not paying attention: What was that? Y/N: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

----------------

Momo: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something? Kyoka: Nope, absolutely not. Toga: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through. Mina: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life. Y/N: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. Tsu: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome

----------------

Mina: Dumbest scar stories, go! Toga: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Momo: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned. Ochako: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Kyoka: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn. Y/N: This entire class has given me emotional and mental scars

-----------------

Kyoka: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Y/N: Oh. We're going out? Kyoka: Wh…

----------------

Mina, about Y/N: Can I tell them they look nice? Momo: Sure. Mina: Can I tell them I respect them? Momo: Maybe, if they ask. Mina: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs? Momo: … Momo: I’d save that for later.

----------------

Ochako: How the hell did you crash the car?! Y/N: So I was just driving today, right? And my navigation told me to go straight. Y/N: I was like "woah, that's homophobic". Instead, I went gay. And, THAT'S when I got into an accident. Ochako: … Toga, with a proud smile: And THAT'S who I'm in love with, ladies and gentlemen.

Ochako: HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

---------------

Y/N is telling a story Kyoka: Wow, Y/N, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance! Mina: Romance? Kyoka: I have a crush on them.

---------------

Y/N: I don't know how to tell you this, but… I love you. Tsu: That's great, Y/N. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

---------------

Shigaraki: So anyways have y'all seen Toga? Twice: I think they went in Y/N's room 'studying'. Dabi: Doubt that. I heard groans there. Meanwhile in Y/N's room Toga & Y/N, fighting:

--------------

Y/N: Tsu and I are no longer friends. Tsu: Y/N THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE’RE DATING!

--------------

Mina: angrily presses Y/N against a wall WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Y/N: … Y/N: Are we about to kiss-

--------------

Y/N comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Momo's bedroom. Momo: Babe, are you.. coming to bed? Y/N: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend. Y/N: Lies on the ground and falls asleep Momo: …

-------------

Tsu: Stop doing that. Y/N: Stop doing what? Tsu: Saying things that make me wanna kiss the hell out of you.

-------------

Definitely doing more of these (if anyone wants a certain fandom I can certainly do that) :]

[kiitoskiitos]

My copy of mutilation grindset arrived today. When I initially ordered, it was entirely because of the recent august comic and I knew nothing else of your work - I was simply moved, and suddenly I needed it.

I'm reading through the rest now, particularly the essay that begins with the Preciado quote and I'm so very grateful I've been able to read this, despite not expecting it. I hate gender - when it comes to me, personally, and my inability to align myself with it. I've always been trans, but not trans in the way I felt was expected of me, somehow incorrect. Always looking at trans people who seemed to be able to pick a side and fully commit to it, and cis people who never needed to, and finding myself wanting *that* surety but unable to take it.

I think I can be whatever I am, though. I think I'm going to stop searching for the labels that fit my gender, my sexuality, my everything.

You've helped me immensely on this random Thursday of no particular importance, slipping through my letterbox with the usual ads and flyers. I'm still a work in progress, but now I feel I actually know what I might be progressing towards.

Apologies if this is too personal for your ask box. Just know you've helped me, I don't need a response.

I'm very grateful, thank you.

this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a long while because i didn't know how to word how much it means to me. thank you so much for sending this! one thing that's really important to me is to change the idea of identity only being solid and secure when labeled.

tho the increasing popularity of "queer" as an identity is a sign of progress, having no label is still often misinterpreted as questioning or not discussed at all. it took me years to finally understand that feeling connected to labeling is a subjective and not objective experience, that i propably wouldn't ever find "the right one" since to me labels in themselves felt foreign. even though just like you, i have always and will always be trans. obviously i don't think everyone should be non-label, but i've actually been a bit surprised how rare gender abolitionist etc. thinking is among queer discussion. though maybe im not looking in the right places, or interpreting these very subjective and hard to word ideas wrong. but anyways, so glad to find someone who relates to some of these thoughts, this text is very touching :,,,3 sending love <3

my life has many times been altered for the better by queer people before me, so it's very meaningful for me to see myself now take my part in the chain of information and ideas. thank you again <3 going to prolly write more about labels and why we have this craving toward them, i think it relates to western thinking, assimilation obsession and medicalisation, at least.

[phantom-playdough]

Macaque x GN!Reader: Comforting

EDITOR NOTE FOR TITLE

Changed the title cause I WANTED to use the quote: "You're worrying me..." But I completely FORGOT about that line, LOL

Didn't know what else to call it, but it is LITERALLY 2:00 am, so this is the best I could come up with.

===========================================

This is my first post on this Tumblr blog, and I thought it would be super fun to write something for Macaque cause I adore this boi. I also noticed that there is a distinct lack of hurt/comfort fanfics for him on every platform I am on. So I will do it myself.

TWs: Mentions of nightmares, a lot of trouble eating and sleeping, the reader struggling with self-care in general, angst(?) in the beginning and middle, but there will be sweet fluff and confessions at the end to make up for it! I will add to these warnings if need be.

==========================================

Macaque tried to let it slide at first. He really did. But it was almost 3pm and Y/n was still sleeping...! Normally, he would probably just assume they went to sleep late the night before or something. But the thing is... this has been happening for over a month now.

It worried Macaque because his first thought was that something was wrong with Y/n’s sleep.

As the clock ticked on, closer and closer to late afternoon, he decided he couldn’t wait anymore and went to wake Y/n up.

When Macaque opened the door, he realized he had not been in Y/n’s room in a while. It was rather messy, to say the least. Clothes were thrown on the chair and desk and were lying on the floor. There were small wrappers all over the dresser.

Even though Y/n was lying in bed, it was super messy. Some of the blankets and pillows were lying on the floor around the bed, and one of the plushies that previously was on the bed was somehow thrown to the other side of the room, in front of Macaque's feet at the bedroom door.

Macaque picked up the plushie and slowly approached the bed, placing it by Y/n's feet. When he looked at Y/n's face, Macaque noticed their face twist into a look of discomfort. Their eyes were screwed shut and they groaned like a zombie.

It didn't take a brain scientist or rocket surgeon to figure out what was happening to Y/n in their mind. Macaque wanted nothing more than to wake them up; he wanted to relieve them of whatever horrors they were dreaming about. But he bit his tongue and held back, knowing better than he probably should that being woken up during a nightmare can cause more harm than good.

The mental image of Y/n being woken up, crying or even screaming because Macaque was too selfish made his heart clench. He just decided to wait by his best friend's side, even though his heart raced so fast it almost made his ears ring.

Macaque gently grabbed Y/n's hand, swallowing his pride, and rubbed gentle circles onto their skin. He couldn't say how much time had passed as he watched Y/n, his heart breaking as he saw them grow antsier in their dream.

Finally, Y/n opened their eyes. They squinted at the sun shining through their bedroom window. They looked over at Macaque, seeing that he didn't even bother trying to hide the fear on his face. It was only then that they noticed Macaque's hand on their own as his grip tightened slightly. It wasn't enough to hurt, but it showed that he was very scared.

Y/n simply spoke in a hoarse voice, "Hey, Macaque." They then cleared their throat. "What are you doing in my room? Is something wrong?"

Macaque adverted his eyes, glancing around. He had a smirk on his face to try and hide his anxiety. "I, uh... I was actually kinda hoping you could tell me that."

Y/n shrugged. "Nothing new." They said as they slowly sat up. Before Macaque could question what they meant, Y/n turned to him and spoke with a slight blush. "Mind if I get dressed?"

Macaque blushed and cleared his throat. "Yeah, sure. Take your time. I'll go make you some lunch."

"Don't you mean breakfast?" Y/n asked, clearly unaware of the time.

"Breakfast doesn't happen past three, Y/n." Macaque said with a smirk. He then left the room. Y/n sighed as they checked the clock.

Sure enough, 3:15pm.

Y/n dug through the piles of clothes on their desk and chair. They finally landed on an outfit they had worn a few days this week. While they were aware they should do laundry, the thought was too depressing to commit to. The idea of all the clothes to sort through and self-loathing over not doing the laundry sooner made Y/n shiver in discomfort.

The aroma of eggs on the frying pan, mango juice, and waffles filled the air in the kitchen. Y/n felt their mouth water, their stomach growled so loudly that it alerted Macaque of their presence.

"Hungry?" Macaque asked with a chuckle. Y/n nodded sheepishly.

"I thought you said breakfast doesn't happen past three." Y/n pointed out with a sweet smile. Macaque found himself staring at that perfect smile for longer than he should've been. He snapped out of his trance and cleared his throat, turning his attention back to the eggs.

"I don't remember saying that!" Macaque played dumb to see if he could get a reaction from Y/n. He did.

Y/n laughed lightly, before their expression turned soft. "Thanks, Macaroni." Y/n was the ONLY person that could call him that. Period.

There was a small silence that followed as Macaque focused on finishing the cooking.

Eventually, it was all done, and the pair started eating. Although, Y/n suddenly felt very full, despite only eating less than five bites. They pushed the food on their plate around, trying to motivate themself to eat. But for some strange reason, the smell of delicious food that made them want to eat a mountain suddenly made them never want to touch food again.

It was all so confusing, these feelings. Macaque noticed that Y/n lacked the sparkle in their eyes as they stared down at their plate. He heard another loud gurgle from Y/n's stomach, but they didn't make an effort to eat.

"Does it taste that bad?" Macaque chuckled as he asked to hide his disappointment.

"No! No, no, no! I-it tastes good, I swear!" Y/n yelled, their hands waving in front of them frantically. "I just have been having trouble eating lately! Sometimes I feel really hungry and everything, but I--"

Macaque grabbed Y/n's hands in an attempt to stop their loud rambling. It worked, thankfully. "It's okay, Y/n. I'm not mad." Macaque said a soft and sweet tone in his voice. "How about I save your food for you?" Macaque was reaching for Y/n's plate, but he still waited for them to say something, to not pressure them.

There were a couple seconds of small silence, but eventually, Y/n nodded once. Macaque frowned for a moment, but he smiled again as fast as he could to hide his fear deep inside. He took the plate and saved the food; the two were worried, even if for different reasons.

Y/n felt scared of the idea of telling Macaque was wrong because they didn't even know what was wrong!

Meanwhile, Macaque was trying to figure out just that. Things were so good only a month ago, but slowly, Y/n fell back. It worried him so much because Y/n and he had become so close over the time they had known each other.

Macaque hadn't expressed it much, but Y/n had helped him in ways he never thought possible! They helped him overcome his insecurities. They helped him grow more comfortable with touches that didn't involve fighting. Heck, they even helped him become friendly enough to do things like offer a stranger on the street a small smile!

Macaque didn't like the fact that he was unable to help Y/n at the moment. He felt that problems were meant to be solved. He wanted nothing more than to scoop Y/n up and pepper them with kisses. To give them comfort for whatever was troubling them. But he didn't want to scare them off.

The two of them had been friends for so long. Macaque didn't know he could feel this level of love for someone since...him. Even though Macaque knew Y/n long enough to know that he loved them, he didn't know if that was reciprocated.

But it was. Y/n was just as afraid of the idea of Macaque not feeling the same way, so they made their affection as subtle as possible so they wouldn't ruin the friendship. When they first met Macaque, he was so bruised deep inside. Y/n refused to call him broken the entire time they had known him. Because he was so much stronger inside than he ever thought.

But now, Y/n felt much more bruised than they had in a long time. It scared them.

Eventually, everything was cleaned up and put away. Y/n was still sitting at the table when Macaque walked over to them and offered them his hand.

Y/n gave him a confused look. But they trusted him and placed their hand in his. Macaque pulled them out of their chair and led them to the couch. He sat the two of them down and very gently wrapped an arm around Y/n's shoulder to pull them close to him. He leaned them back, and Y/n curled their legs up onto the couch and leaned on him.

The two of them stayed like that for a while, their faces beet red and hearts racing a million miles a second. But eventually, Macaque couldn't handle the silence anymore. He turned his head to look at Y/n, bringing a hand up to hold their face to meet his gaze.

"You know you can tell me if something is wrong, right...?" Macaque whispered the last word so softly that it made Y/n's stomach flip.

They nodded one time. But they knew that kind of response just wouldn't cut it. Y/n sighed and pulled their head away from Macaque's grip.

"I know I can tell you. But I don't even know what I know to tell you. For some reason, I have felt really out of it the past couple of weeks. I want to eat, but I can't. I need to sleep, but I get nightmares. I...I want to hug you, but I am scared."

Not even a second after that last sentence left Y/n's lips, Macaque grabbed them and hugged them as though they would disappear. "You don't have to be scared, Y/n. I...I don't usually do this. Expressing myself, I mean. But with you, it's different." Macaque laughed just a little bit. "I don't usually let people get as close to me as you. I trust you to call me Macaroni. I let you touch me. I...I let myself love you."

At that moment, Y/n smiled wider than they had probably all their life. They pulled away and looked Macaque in his gorgeous eyes. "I let myself love you too." Macaque smiled, and he looked from Y/n's eyes to their lips. Y/n got the hint pretty quickly, and the two of them slowly leaned in.

Macaque and Y/n were a hair away from kissing, but Macaque still mumbled over the thick silence, "Are you sure?" Y/n answered by closing the distance and kissing him. It was short, and they pulled away too soon for Macaque's liking. He pulled them back in but gave Y/n room to break away should they choose to.

They didn't.

Eventually, the pair parted for air. Macaque took Y/n's hands and held a look of love on his face that made Y/n feel like royalty. How many people got to see this side of him? Sadly, not enough.

"I'm willing to work with you on what's bothering you. I can't fix this overnight," Macaque said sadly but smiled as he continued. "But I mean, you helped me. I might as well try and return the favor."

Y/n smiled, kissed one of his ears, and whispered, "I'd like that."

[babbletaels]

I know a lot of fans wanted it, I didn't really see a need for it at all, but if Collins wants to write about haymitchs games then I'm sure it will be good in any case.

What I really don't want is for fans assumptions to be true. Like I don't think snow killed haymitchs entire family and his grilfriend because he found the force field lmao I think that's kinda stupid? It must be explained in a better way like maybe they already had a winner set up because the games aren't actually real and then haymitch got in the way of that and that made them do it but that also seems stupid? Like most dictators and corrupt governments aren't dumb and do evil stuff just no reason like that, cause it haymitch were to tell anyone that the capitol killed his family for literally no reason (you know he has friends outside of 12 after the game??) then wouldn't that make people hate the capitol more? I'm one hundred percent sure that something else happened, like haymitch felt untouchable after the games and tried to deny the capitol what they wanted from him as a victor, whatever that may be, just an example could be maybe it was a finnick situation and they wanted to sell him and he refused because he has a girlfriend so they killed his girlfriend? Like even something that simple makes more sense. You don't have to take the bare minimum of information given to you and try to piece it together from that if the conclusion makes no sense.

Anyway another thought I have. I can't find any info that says it's actually confirmed that the book will be about haymitch, and the title is kinda throwing me off a bit.

Because like.. Okay you can excuse it by saying "sunrise on the [DAY OF THE] reaping" but like... hmmm.. to me it really sounds like sunrise ON the reaping. The reaping is the ceremony, not the day, right? Is there a district that has the reaping that early? Does the capitol have the sunrise that early? Idk. Is it really confirmed to be about haymitch? And further more, is it really confirmed to have the games in it? I feel like there's not a lot to tell about haymtichs games because we already know everything that happened in it, and I myself would love a book where the games aren't the focus.

"BUT ITS A HUNGER GAMES BOOK, ITS NOT THE HUNGER GAMES IF THERE ARE NO GAMES" quote from a person I overhesrd when leaving the movie theater after watching mockingjay part one. Hello? Did you forget the part where it's not called the hunger games: haymitchs story? I think it would be really nice to see a story without the games in it

Edit: ALSO NO WE SHOULD NOT HAVE WOODY AS 16 YEAR OLD HAYMITCH PLEASE LET US HAVE A NEW ACTOR and NO WE SHOULD NOT HAVE TOM BLYTH AS HAYMITCH OH MY GOD

Edit AGAIN: Pleeeaaassseee give haymitch black hair like he's supposed to have

[justalia]

Hello Alia, I need you help or at least advice:

I’ve been into this cycle of not trusting in my imagination and I don’t know if you been in the cycle of not knowing if you’re assuming right and just being in a overall confusion and not ending up manifesting anything. I’m really tired and I just want to trust consciously. I’ve literally had enough and I’m so frustrated. For example I can have watch a video (about LOA) and feel fulfilled and feel like everything clicked but at the next day it seems like I forgot everything I’ve just learnt and I’m freaking out constantly. I’m feeling so irritated and I’ve wasted MONTHS of my life. I’ve swear I’ve read everything and still haven’t trust in my imagination. I’ve had saved quotes everyday to remind me of how powerful I am in imagination and I just don’t believe it. I want a good life, I want to enjoy it. I know that somehow I have a power within myself because I have had manifested a few things, but they’re “minimal”. I’m crying while I’m typing this, I think I’ve never manifested something big in my life. I feel like I could NEVER manifest anything again. I want to stop this cycle, to stop looking at content. I just want to have faith, faith seems so far from me. I’ve had a horrible life, and faith seems sometimes strange to me somehow. I just want love and trust my imagination as the only source consciously. I don’t understand how people trust in it, how do they do it?

And to be honest, I’ve been in every corner of the internet trying to look for everything and get nothing at the same time. It’s an everyday thing, and I felt so bad because the other day I saw a video of someone saying “do u actually recognize that imagination is the only reality? Do you think there’s nothing ahead of you?” And I couldn’t respond. I feel so bad, I feel like I’m a fucking loser. I want to cry, and I don’t know who else to ask help for. I’m sorry if this is too personal.

Please, if you read this, what would you do in my place? How do I get out of this? I want to enjoy the life that I want and I want to compromise to myself.

Thank you and I love your page.

hi babe sorry for the late reply.

my genuine advice is to stop trying. stop. trying. stop trying to manifest. drop it, drop the expectations right now. stop doing anything and everything to try and achieve faith. faith is not achieved. you surrender to faith.

“how do i believe that imagination creates reality?”

you give yourself permission to just believe.

this being said allow yourself to let out these emotions, have a self care day or week even if you need it and then write down everything you’re feeling and everything you hate about all of this. yes, i have been in this situation before understanding that all i had to focus on was changing imagination. nothing else, just changing my state aka my imaginal experience.

another thing is i stopped seeing the law as a way to get things but as a way of living, i deserve peace and calmness in my mind i don’t deserve to make my heart sick. if i want something i imagine it bc it makes me feel good, there’s no reason why i should choose misery when i can imagine anything.

imagine to have fun, to experience your desire. don’t worry so much about changing the outside but rather focus on changing imagination.

how? imagine having/being whatever you want.

have fun, allow yourself to have fun in imagination.

do it every night without expectating change. simply imagine to feel good.