#and I proceeded to lose my shit harder

[back2bluesidex]

Seven Days a Week - JJK (18+)

Pairing: Jungkook X Fem!Reader

Theme: PWP, SMUT, Fluff if you squint

Wordcount: 1k

Summary: Jungkook promised himself that he will be fucking you right seven days a week.

Warnings: Soft sex, vanilla sex, missionary position, Jungkook is soft with her but kinda persistent (in a good way), creampie, unprotected sex (wrap it up). NSFW!!

Minors are not allowed in this blog!!

A/N: Permanent Taglist is now updated. Also, I hope you are suffering with me.

“Jungkook… I am still sore from last night.” You breathe out, voice barely a level above of what they call a whisper. 

‘Oh yeah? Then should I go slow right now?” Jungkook’s voice gets muffled as he nips on the juncture of your neck and shoulder. His hands are lost under the blanket, tracing the lines of your body ever so gently. 

“What I am saying is- ah” you get interrupted as Jungkook grabs your left inner thigh and squeezes it hard enough to make your core leak instantly. He really knows your body too well. 

“What I am saying is” you attempt again, “we could skip fucking today.” 

“If it’s what you want then we won’t fuck today.” Jungkook replies. His lips do an incredible job in leaving wet kisses all over your throat and collarbone. 

“But baby-” his hand now hovers above your wet core as he works his way to cup your heat through the thin material of your panty, “-your cunt says otherwise. I think it’s begging for some attention.” 

You let out a low moan before playfully scoffing at your unbearably handsome boyfriend, “is that so? Or is it your morning boner that needs some attention?” 

“I think both of us are at the same place, baby. So let’s help each other out, yeah?” he gets up from his position, taking his hands and mouth away from you for a bit. Reaching for the sheets, he throws the blanket off of your naked body and hovers above you. 

“You are very sly, Jungkook.” You smirk at him. 

“Nope. I am just devoted to you. And my devotion is deeper than the ocean.” he replies briefly before reaching down and kissing your mound through the lace of your underwear. His teeth do their job of grabbing the hem of the panty, pulling that down to your ankles and leaving your glistening cunt exposed for his view. 

“Fuck. So fucking gorgeous.” He talks to your cunt. His left thumb files on autopilot and lands on your clit. He runs his thumb up and down through your slippery folds. You murmur his name shamelessly as he puts the pad of his thumb flat on your clit before proceeding to rub gentle circles on it. 

One of the many things you love about Jungkook is his duality. Last night he fucked you dumb, it was animalistic to say the least. But right now he is softer than he has ever been. He gently handles you as if you’re a fragile porcelain doll. 

Jungkook warps his mouth around one of your nipples, sucking on it lazily. He flicks the hardened nub with his tongue and you lose your shit a bit. 

His middle finger probes into your entrance. You hiss at the contact. 

“Does it hurt?” he asks, staring at your face while his mouth stays close to your nipple. 

“A bit. But I can take it.” You reply, giving him a small smile. 

“Good girl.” he places a soft kiss on the swell of your left tit. His finger plunges right in you as he teases your walls for a bit. 

“Do you think you can take me in now?” Jungkook questions. You nod in affirmation. 

He climbs off the bed in order to strip his boxers off. 

You take the opportunity to admire this marvelous piece of art disguised as a man. His dark disheveled hair falling on his neck, that lip piercing that makes you wanna taste the metal every now and then, that build chest and toned abs that make you weak on your knees, every single thing about him complement the way he carries himself. He knows his effects all too well and the smug confidence makes you fall for him harder and harder. 

Your boyfriend starts hovering above you while positioning his cock right in front of your entrance.

“Tell me if it hurts, okay?” he breathes out, putting the tip of his cock inside your hole. 

“Okay.” you reply. Your hands find their way around Jungkook’s neck as you pull him down for a kiss. 

The kiss is soft and slow, neither rushed nor hungry, and you love it. 

He slides inside you easier than your anticipation. He gives you time to adjust before he starts moving slowly. His body crashes yours as he puts his weight down on you. 

Grabbing your thighs, he locks those around his torso to bottom you out. His pace gets faster with each passing second but it doesn’t get too overbearing. You feel nice, you feel way too good, oh sweet lord, you feel heavenly. This is the first time you are having slow sex with your boyfriend ever since you got together. 

Honestly, you both are too kinky to have vanilla sex and the prospect of the same never really amazed you. But right now, you can’t seem to wrap your head around the pleasure you are feeling despite the complete lack of dirty words, groping, grabbing, and so on. 

You feel the familiar heat building at the bottom of your stomach. 

“Jungkook, I am close.” You whisper in his ear, which is right beside your lips as your boyfriend is way too busy sucking bruises on your skin.

“Hold it for a bit. Let’s cum together.” he mumbles against your throat. 

With a roll of his hip, he hits your g-spot and you feel your eyes rolling at the back of your head. 

“Now.” Jungkook commands and you cum on his cock. A second later he fills your cunt with his hot white disposal that messily runs down your inner thigh and drops on the bed sheet.  

Both of you pant for a bit and then you manage to voice, “Do you really have to fuck me everyday?” 

“Well, I promised myself, I’ll be fucking you right seven days a week.” he smirks.

Taglist:

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @soraviie @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie, @coffeedepressionsoup, @meowstake, @vonvi-blog, @nochuel

[arminsumi]

no. 20 sfw with aki? just littering him with kisses before he steps out for work, not wanting to be separated <333

he has a whole house in my head, truly living rent free rn

#20

💗 Aki アキ

Note : my boy!! he is also on my mind lately and i itch to write for him but i always get distracted!! 😖 i hope u likey, i had this very specific atmosphere envisioned and i wonder if it came across lol

Playme : will i see you again?

🍒 More from Jay : LIBRARY / oct. reqs open

A smooth morning rolls out. Aki makes you and him some good coffee, slowly and meticulously as he always does it.

He finds you're behaving especially dreamy this morning; it makes leaving for work so much harder for him.

Aki carries out his morning routine with purposeful slowness, adoring how you follow at his side through each step. It's the small things that make him fall more and more in love with you, like the hypocritical scolding you give him about smoking and then proceeding to take a puff on his cigarette on the balcony. Or helping him tie his tie even though he can certainly do it himself. He just enjoys the small act of bending his knees to compensate for the height gap between you and him, being the 6'2 gangling giant he is.

He's the most talkative in the mornings, despite the rasp disturbing his throat. He tells you about his weird fucking dreams and feels fluttery that you bother to listen. ("We were in a cruise ship, right, and we couldn't escape the hallway and I was holding your hand and looking for a way out, and oh there was this octopus or something that wanted me to play sudoku...? It was some Alice in Wonderland type shit. I fucking hate sudoku, I can't believe I had to do that! And— why are you laughing? Okay well anyways... oh fuck... that's the time already?")

You swarm him with affection and kisses from the bedroom to the door as he tries to leave for work. His natural nonchalant demeanor betrays his true inner feelings, he's really relishing your attention.

You overwhelm his face with kisses and he happily accepts, closing his eyes to fully lose himself in the sensation of your lips pressing to his skin.

"I really have to go..." he says but you cut him off with a kiss.

"... I'm gonna miss the train." he holds back a smile as you cut him off yet again.

He attempts to leave, the door is open and the roar of morning traffic carries in the entering breeze.

"Wait a moment!" you pout.

You grab his tie to pull him into a hard cheek kiss, and it makes his stomach flip, to feel the press of your lips connect with his jaw and slowly upwards, as if you're printing your love on his face one kiss at a time.

It always happens like this; you pull him by the tie just as he opens the door to really leave, then he stays right there, motionless from how love struck your kisses have him. Truly a dazed man. And it's always the final cheek kiss that sets him off, he bows his head to give you those hard and passionate kisses that are his thing... no one can kiss quite like how an Aki in love does.

Kissing him off to work in the genkan chews fifteen more minutes off the morning hour, but it's worth it... he now heads down the street in the sunlight with a dreamy look on his face like he's just been pampered by a goddess.

[ncsdlr]

Sharing is Not Caring - N.R.

Word Count: 3145

Warnings: being tied up to a chair, degradation, aftercare, spanking, paddle use, restraints, sub!nat, dom!reader

Pairings: Natsha Romanoff x Reader

A/N: This has been rotting in my wattpad drafts fr. It's been I think a year since I wrote this, and I have posted it. I'm trying to clear our my drafts, so you should be expecting a lot of activity from me. Also this is pure smut so....

-------------------

A loud slap echoed in the spacious room where Natasha sat tied to a chair in nothing but her undergarments. The woman standing in front of Natasha at the moment is you.

Y/N Y/L/N. Her beloved.

"Y/N, don't you think you're overreacting a little here?"

"Oh, I'm not overreacting." You grinned at her, looking her right in the eye. "You see, this is what happens when you go around town with another woman and act like a fucking prostitute."

You gently reached forward and grabbed a tight hold of Natasha's hair in the back of her head. "You have anything to say for yourself, honey?"

"Y/N, please. This is all just a misunderstanding. Besides, I'm allowed to have fun with my friends and you doing all this stuff just because of it is making you look selfish."

Within the snap of a finger, you smacked Natasha across the face repeatedly, the force of it all strong enough to make you almost lose the grip you had on her hair. Her cheek was heating up rather quickly with the blood rushing to the spot you would repeatedly hit her which, in this case, was on both sides of her beautiful face. Natasha was panting when you stopped hitting her, so she rushed to speak before you got the chance to continue, but you just had to be a quick little shit and beat her to it.

"Don't call me selfish. I hate sharing, and you know that yet you proceeded to whore yourself out to Maria Hill in front of the world. So now, what we're going to do here is punish you. For all the horrible things you've done to my tattered heart."

You walked away from Natasha, moving to a drawer at the far end of the room. You reached inside the drawer and plucked out a variety of instruments you planned to use on your girlfriend. You could have sworn you heard Natasha whimper. You turned back to Natasha, a faint evil grin present on your face. Natasha was squirming in her seat at the vibrator in your hands.

You were now standing in front of her, a wide smirk settled on your face, thus scaring the shit out of Natasha a hell lot more, which caused her to begin her pleading. "Maria's just a friend, please, you don't have to do this."

"You're pathetic." You pulled her hips towards you and placed the vibrator on her wet core, moving up and down her cunt, the woman panting out heavily in surprise.

"Are you sorry, Natasha?" You turned the vibrator up a higher to a higher setting and stopped moving it, now keeping it still on her clit. Natasha could not speak, then you heard the loudest moan slip past her lips when you pressed the vibrator harder on her clit just right. It was always like this when the two of you had sex. Whatever kind of sex you were having, the infamous Black Widow would be dumbed down into nothing all because of you. Natasha can and would swear that you had godly powers with the way you always fucked her dumb.

"You realize this is all your fault, don't you? You could have avoided all of this if you had just acted normally and not the slut you're only allowed to be when you're with me."

When you harshly pulled her hair back to husk in her ear, Natasha's eyes were mid-rolling to the back of her head, thus making the woman gasp aloud. "You're such a stupid whore, Natasha." You knew your words were falling on deaf ears, but you still proceeded to talk just to be able to reprimand the redhead later. "This feels so good for you, doesn't it? Or are you just not as bright as you were earlier, and that's why you're not talking back now?"

All Natasha could do was breathily moan in your face, too high on pleasure to respond to you with even a single nod. Natasha could barely even catch her breath, so the fact that you were expecting so much of her right now was so unfair to her. I mean, how do you even expect her to respond when you know how your words alone affect her?

"You're being very disrespectful, Natasha. I've asked you three questions, yet you haven't answered at least one of them. You don't want me to prolong your punishment, do you?" That caused the woman you loved's eyes to widen, the fear of you going through with your threats shining through her blown-out green eyes.

"No, please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" Natasha rushed to speak, albiet sounding drunk, finally getting the least bit of control over her muddled mind.

You grinned, "That's what I thought, little girl, but if you really are sorry, you would answer all my questions." As you spoke, you were very rudely interrupted by the woman of your dreams warning you of the coil in her stomach nearly snapping.

"I'm so close."

"No." You pulled the vibrator away from Natasha's core and listened to her loudly whimper out a 'No'  at the loss of pleasure. "If I were to let you cum, who would you be cumming for? Are you cumming for Maria Hill," You pressed the vibrator back onto Natasha's cunt only to pull it away again upon continuing, "Or me?"

Natasha was whining, panting, and moaning like a bitch in her seat whilst you repeated the action of putting the vibrator directly on her clit and then taking it all away. Your eyes focused on her face, watching as it went through shock, pleasure, then frustration. In your focus and intense eye contact with Natasha, the woman was not able to form a single thought in her head, her mind being clouded by all three of the results your actions gave her.

You would watch her face contort for the 10 seconds where you held the vibrator against her, then listen to her huff angrily at you and your ministrations - but mostly you. You were mesmerized by the beauty of your lover, so much so that you rewarded her beauty by pressing the vibrator on her clit once more, this time not intending to take it all away at the last second. You watched as she gasped, her eyes fluttering close but fighting herself to keep them open, although somewhat futile. "God, you're so pretty, Natty."

Your soft gaze made her melt, and your faint smirk at it told her you were enjoying her little reactions. "Answer my last question, baby. Would you be cumming for me or your beloved Maria Hill?"

"Only you, Y/N. Only you- Oh, please let me cum, Daddy!" Natasha continued to babble out her pleas, not noticing how you had let go of her hair and was now kneeling in between her smooth thighs. Natasha jerked back and moaned, throwing her head back in the process when you started licking at her tasty cunt all whilst still holding the vibrator against her. 

Natasha stuttered in her moans, her fists bleeding white from being clenched so hard behind her back. Her eyes were tightly closed, and her teeth were firmly pressed together, trying her hardest to spit out a warning before she exploded on your face. But through all her hard work, she still could not get a single word out of her mouth, only breathy stuttered moans, gasps, and pathetic whimpered pleas. 

Natasha could hardly breathe, and when your tongue wiggled around that rough spot within her, her tether broke, her juices spilling all over your mouth and your nose, and even the vibrator that was still firmly pressed against her sensitive core. Natasha was breathing heavily, trying to regain control of her senses, only for you to take her breath away again with a bruising kiss. 

Everything was going well during the kiss, excluding the burning feeling Natasha felt in her chest at the lack of much-needed oxygen. It was only when the redhead felt a harsh slap come in contact with her face, thus breaking the kiss, did she suddenly yelped out. "I haven't allowed you to cum yet, have I?"

Natasha was near sobbing when you started undoing her restraints, already preparing to lose her dignity just to beg for your forgiveness, but then you pulled her up suddenly, carrying her nearly limp form over your shoulder, and guided her to lay down on the perfectly made bed you shared with her. Again, Natasha was going to speak up, but just like the last time, you'd interrupted her again with a ball gag in her mouth, and that was the moment she deemed you to be her worst enemy.

"Oh, Natasha. You really should know better." You walked around the bed just for dramatic purposes and collected a few more items to use on your gorgeous lover. "I thought you would be brighter than this, being a trained super spy and all." You were fastening the harness of your large strap around your hips, keeping your eyes locked onto Natasha, watching as she whimpered around her ball gag with tears cascading down her pretty face. 

You truly were in awe of her. The beauty she possessed was, in your opinion, unmatched by every single person you'd ever come across. You collected a variety of restraints and tightly tied her to the bed like the letter 'A'. You secured a lengthy leg spreader around Natasha's ankles and grabbed both of her hands to tie them above her head on the velvety headboard.

Natasha's eyes watched you move around the room, watching on as you thought over what you planned to do to her. The possibilities were endless, and so she feared she would not make it out of this alive. I mean her pussy sure isn't. What Natasha feared the most about you doing to her was edging her. She loved it when you edged her, but only to an extent. The thought of you building her up to where she was about to bust only for you to take it all away terrified her even more than your harsh slaps ever had. 

To say Natasha was shocked at your statement would be a huge understatement. Your soft tone threw her off even more, and when you smiled at her gently, her brows couldn't help but come together and form a crease as they met. "I'm allowing you to cum, Natasha. You can cum whenever you feel like it just remember your safe word."

That couldn't be just it, there had to be a catch, but all her thoughts went back to being mush when you ran the tip of your silicone cock through her slit, collecting the juices that had pooled there. Then when you pushed yourself into her soaking cunt, her mind was further melted into a puddle sloshing around in her skull. Your pace was tough, causing her legs to tighten around you- well, as much as the leg spreader allowed. 

Natasha was moaning wildly beneath you, writhing and nearly trembling at the speed of your hard thrusts. Her hands were sore, but not sore enough for her attention to be on it. Natasha tried speaking, but all that was heard were the jumbled pronunciation of her words

Good thing you were equipped with the skill to translate her muffled words. "You gonna cum, baby? You gonna give me all that this slutty pussy can?"

Natasha nodded furiously, her hips rising from the bed with much restraint. She could barely move, but the high she was chasing was enough of an inspiration for her to try gyrating her hips up to yours.

"Cum whenever you like, my whore. If it gets too much, you can always use your safe words."

If your dirty words were any indication that you were planning something epic, Natasha wouldn't have known thanks to the blinding white light that flooded her field of vision when she came. By god, you could swear that her face when she came was that of goddesses'.

"Oh, my darling, you're so beautiful." Your soft words were very stark contrasts to the continuation of your harsh pounding. Natasha didn't even have a minute to come down from her previous high before you were pushing her over another edge.

"Oh, fuck. Fuck!" You don't understand how that sounded very clear, but you were not complaining whatsoever. You could even say that you were impressed.

You stared into Natasha's shining eyes while you plowed her into the mattress. "You're such a fucking whore, Natasha. No wonder Hill was all over you when you decided to go out with her. You're disgusting. I mean, Look at you, the infamous Black Widow dumbed down to nothing by her meager partner."

Your words were enough to tip her over the edge of sweet release. Her legs shook around you while her moans sounded more stuttered and broken, nearing the kind of moans that sounded like sobbing. You stilled your hips, much to Natasha's relief, and pulled the ball gag out of her mouth.

Natasha gasped and heaved in the air. The woman barely even noticed when you pulled out of her, her brain being a little too fogged up to register anything.

Picking up the discarded vibrator from earlier, you pressed it firmly on Natasha's pussy, sliding it up and down her slit. The sound of her sticky arousal echoed around the room along with the incessant vibrator unleashing hell upon your precious woman's sweet cunt.

"Oh, god, Y/N, that feels so good!" Natasha had her eyes tightly shut with her mouth hanging open in a silent scream. Her next words were whispered pleas before she exploded all over the vibrator you held along with your forearm.

"You're doing so good, my princess." You coo'ed climbing off of Natasha just enough to reach the leg spreader attached to her ankles. You freed her feet, grabbing your woman by the back of her thighs only to flip her over onto her stomach.

"We aren't done yet?" You could've cackled at her question if not for the way her gaping cunt was distracting you. Instead of rudely mocking Natasha, you lightly chuckled through your nose, caressing her plump ass whilst also licking and biting at it.

"No, my darling, I'm not done with you yet." You smirked as you pulled away, moving to grab two paddles of the same size, placing them on top of Natasha's ass, using them to caress her skin. "You ready, baby?"

Natasha was panting into the pillow, writhing against the paddles on her bottom as she furrowed her eyebrows, "For what?"

You lifted one of the paddles and brought it back down harshly, making your lover yelp in surprise, watching how Natasha's ass rippled at the impact. "Oh, Daddy!"

You wanted her to be loud in any way possible. If you weren't known to get everything you wanted before, now you are. You brought the other paddle up and then down again much harder than the last. Then you lifted both paddles, bringing them back down with a force that made Natasha scream louder than she ever had before.

Your onslaught upon Natasha's ass was unrelenting, hitting her ass to sadistically watch her skin ripple at the force you were dealing with. You relished in the screams and moans she released, each one bringing waves of arousal to pool in your underwear.  the woman is now full-on sobbing, the pain and the pleasure blending in with each other deliciously within her. She was enjoying this just as much as you were, if not more. She loved it when you got all sadistic about her. It made her feel like she was living on the edge, and she was enjoying the breeze there. 

At the last strike you gave to Natasha's plump ass, her orgasm embarrassingly tore through her, getting past her holds and slipping through her sex. You could have laughed if you didn't have any self-control, but alas, the goodness in your tattered heart pounded through, causing you to feel the need to protect her. 

Now, with the heat of the moment subsiding, your goal shifted from punishing Natasha by making her feel what you felt when you saw her with Maria to shower her with the softest kisses known to man. You hushed your wailing lover, careful with your hands as you pulled the restraint from her reddened wrists.

"Hush, my darling. It's all over now." You planted a small kiss on the top of her head before moving off of your shared bed. "Let me grab a soothing cream for your butt, baby, don't move."

As you gathered what you needed from the bathroom, Natasha used that small bit of alone time to actually think of what she'd done. She reprimanded herself for completely leaving you alone at the party you came to together and ditching you for some other girl.

Truly, her interaction with Maria was nothing more than friendly. They shared talks of their respective life partners and what they've been up to recently, nothing scandalous at all. But now that she'd been punished, she could see how that may have looked from a non-participant-of-the-conversation's point of view. Now that she'd been punished, she felt bad for what she may have made you feel.

Safe to say, she learned her lesson.

A gasp tore through her throat at the cold sensation that rippled across the bruised skin of her bum. "It's okay, hun, it's just a bit of cream." And as you continued to work on her, wiping her down and all that, you spoke, "You took your punishment so well, baby. Have you learned your lesson? Do you understand why you were punished?"

"Yes, Daddy." Natasha responded.

"Tell me why I punished you." It was a soft command, but natasha shivered at it either way, and she shamed herself for it.

"Because I hurt you at the party. I wasn't paying attention to you." You hummed as she listed what she thought could be part of the reason you punished her, then she followed up with, "I'm sorry."

"Ah, it's okay, honey. It's a lesson learned." With a kiss to her now exposed collarbone, you finished up with cleaning and getting Natasha ready for bed. "You're all done now. Get some rest, Natty, we can talk about this more in the morning over some breakfast."

With a content smile and a warm feeling spreading through her chest, Natasha laid her head on your shoulder right as you settled in next to her. She seemed your warmth just as you did hers, wrapping each other up in comfortable embraces and even stealing a few kisses here and there.

[weepingtalecowboy]

Wars got tuned lol

Usually Tune never says anything to Wars during Hyrule warriors (because timeline and everything)

But what if Tune was just thinking that he can win his older bro over without telling him they once were brothers

Because Warriors managed it as well so he would figure it out too he will just be affectionate and shit (Warriors was doing the same so he obviously has to prove that he can do it better)

So when Wars met Tune

Tune was just acting like they already knew each other for years and then proceeded to wipe the floor with Cia

(he overheard time and Warriors talking about her and now that he is in on the conflict he ain't letting her into a 30 mile radius of Wars if he can beat her beforehand)

So Wars pushed him away in the beginning out of anxiety because his only other stalker was Cia and he knows how that turned out (an entire war)

That convinced tune to try harder because he ain't losing to baby time at being the best younger sibling

So Wars had to deal with Tune giving him fairy food (which made wars question how and why he has the exact same measurements of HIS own personal fairy food recipe )

Creepily hovering next to his window with his face pressed against it and awkwardly attempting at making conversation with him (Tune was busy fighting Lana for this spot lol he EARNED the right to protect his brother from her likes)

Break into Wars apartment and then raid the fridge like he lives there yet leaving when asked because he respects the other’s privacy (considering how much he breaks in he might as well be no matter how often Wars changes the locks )

And asking if he can be friends with him at every single opportunity

Wars was NOT enjoying Tune's company at all (Tune was hearth broken lol)

But because Tune was reliable and unsettlingly ready to DIE for him when necessary and loyal to an undesirable degree (like Lana but more effective)

He would just have to accept that he is friends with a lunatic who has a very bad habit of asking him if he can join him in his fucking bed (Wind wants comfort he really doesn’t realize that he sounds like an absolute maniac)

But accepting Tune is a force that can’t be stopped gives him a few advantages

For example Lana is afraid of Tune so if he stays close to the maybe serious criminal then she will stay in line

That applies to every single person in Hyrule who has a crush on him

At first he thought that Tune also has a crush on him but Tune quickly corrected him because in his words “that is fucking disgusting you are so disgusting ew,… ewwww”

So because it is not a creepy crush he really has no idea what that guy's deal is

Because what else is there that would explain why the other wants to go kill somebody for him just because

But at some point he decides that the pros of having someone crazy that asks very intrusive questions but respects decisions like NOT getting to stay at his place

Are better then the cons of having no crazy friend to scare away undesired other crazy people

So Tune forcefully got to make friendship bracelets with wars

Wars pointing at Tune : sometimes you need a crazy friend to scare away other crazy people

Tune not explaining shit to him : We are friends finally :3

Wars : how the fuck are you still in my apartment !?,”,!? I changed the locks twenty times already!

Tune : ;) friendship

During linked universe Warriors had the biggest realization of history because why the fuck was Wind so bad at keeping their relationship from the future (past..it’s complicated) a secret

He obviously was much much better at it (.. he isn’t Wind just has no sense of boundaries and doesn’t care if a random guy is offering him a scarf in his sadness so warriors is correct in his books)

Time is disappointing in every single aspect of their life but learned from his own adventures that telling those idiots that they are idiots doesn’t diminish their idiocy

[musedblues]

All Things Must Pass

a/n: IDK CHAT this is 100% projection. long story short, i promised @almightyellie and @userjohndeacon a sessa fic, started it, then proceeded to have the worst june ever. and i accidentally ended up turning this entire plot into my therapy. sorry for the devastation but...  happy ending?

description: since starting college angus became your very best friend. just as you begin to wrap up your academic career, shit hits the fan for everyone. friends to lover's type shit but make it excruciating. angus x fem reader. 

warnings: explicit sexual situations, death, mentions of suicidal ideation, brief scene ft. harassment, over all morbid tone. God bless whoever takes the time to put up with this plot lmao

18k

MINORS DNI

///

The Party

"Would you hurry up! I want to get there before all the good booze is gone." Angus drummed on his steering wheel as you rushed into his passenger seat. He'd been honking outside your dorm for five minutes, despite the couple times you poked your head out the window to yell at him that you were coming.

"I got ready later than I wanted, I was actually trying to study. You know we're at college to learn shit, right?" 

"Yeah, and I'm trying to learn how to get drunk fast tonight. Every moment of this precious life is a lesson to be learned if you let it, kid." Angus jested, as if being a few months younger mattered in your mid-twenties. 

"You used to be fun, Angus. You used to be so carefree. You used to bitch so much less profoundly. That philosophy class has done a number on you." You laughed as you teased him, watching your friend grin in response. Angus was your favorite pain in the ass. You were his, he said so often. He was your ride to everywhere. You were his built-in tutor for everything. He was your emergency contact on every official form. All because he was lost the first weekend here; and you just happened to learn directions to the furthest class on campus moments before he asked an ever-emptying hallway of students to show him the way.

"Look. This is the last party Kiara is throwing before she graduates, and before our month of finals. I just want to have the best night possible." Angus reasoned. He went on to ramble about how uptight you had been about school lately, and how you needed to let lose tonight all the same. Angus was right.

Your first year of college was spent in elation, when you realized you'd finally escaped the confines of your family. None of them ever had your best interest in mind, and rushing off to freedom was how you spent your 20th autumn. Your second year of college was spent really nailing down your major, hedging all your bets on studying something serious that would keep you afloat your entire life. Something you could depend on for yourself and no one else. But the fatigue of your intense studies set in by the third year, leading you to seek out more extra curriculars to take the edge off. 

It was Kiara's idea to take dance lessons. She was your partner in every tango and waltz. She was your biggest encouragement to take the extra ballet class. And she'd been really pushing you to audition for the team that would travel to Europe to compete in an annual competition. Between your friend, and your instructor, you'd been swayed to stay longer at practices- and to work harder for auditions at the start of the summer. But that meant your studies became even more of a challenge, with your brain focused on achieving more goals than you'd set out to tackle. 

"So, what are we doing tonight?" Angus rallied, as he pulled against the curb of Kiara's townhouse. 

"Having a good time!" You enunciated each word as Angus chanted along with you, smiling his stupidly perfect smile. You'd always loved the sight of him happy, carefree. Happy looked especially good on your friend Angus.

You trailed behind your friend as he bound toward the steps of the party, and held open the front door for you. The air was misty with hints of rain, summer couldn't settle in quick enough.

Kiara's home was big enough for four or more people, but she planned to share it only with her cousin- a lawyer on her way from Chicago, whom none of you had yet to meet. To the left of the entrance hall was the living room; packed with acquaintances and strangers clinking red solo cups together as a Hendrix record played. To the left was the kitchen, where Kiara stood showing off an island full of drinks and organized snacks. Her springy brown curls were pulled back in a neat ponytail and she was dressed better than anyone, as always. 

"There they are!" She smiled and pointed to you and Angus, before waving you over to her massive refrigerator. 

"Extra cold beer and expensive liquor for friends only." Kiara swept her hand to suggest you pick your poison, as she swatted away a stranger from reaching in all at once. You laughed and thanked her for being extra thoughtful, not surprised by her set up. She was the most detail-oriented human you'd ever met. Once Angus had a bottle of beer in either hand and you were content with the last of some old chardonnay, you followed Kiara out to the patio. 

There beyond the steady flame from the fire pit, sat Soren and Tom. Both already high off their asses. They waved as you approached and lit up a fresh joint. And just like that your group was glued together. You'd all wound up in San Fransico from different parts of the country. And you'd all ended up tight knit throughout a year of run ins at pubs and races to class, despite the difference in some of your grades. Fate continuously lobbed you each together. And over the past few years; time always carved out at least one day a week where the five of you could hunch over laughing past midnight like a band of fools.

"How's your job at the cafe going Soren? Paying your book fees back in a timelier manner now?" You rose a brow and looked to your friend. His blonde curls hung to his shoulders; his eyes red by way of the night's events that had only just begun. How he was dependable enough to hold down a job you were unsure, but impressed by all the while.

"I haven't been late once in the two months I've worked there. For work, or my fees." The guy boasted, taking a hit from the blunt he kept promising to pass around but never did. Your group set down their bottles and glasses to give Soren a small round of applause. 

"What about you Kiara? Are you set up for your internship?" Angus asked, both beers already gone. He rose from his perch on a lounge chair to reach in a nearby cooler for another drink. 

"Oh yeah. I start next week, and I graduate three days later. It's getting real, gang. We're getting grown up." Kiara pouted out of sentiment, and nervousness, you noticed. 

"One day closer to death." Tom concluded, "Gotta make the most of it!" The guy lunged, stealing the blunt that Soren had been hogging, laughing at the blonde's appalment. You admired Tom's waggish disposition, eagerness to keep you all on your toes. But even dark eyed, dark humored Tom started to lament about how fast time was flying by this third year of school. 

"I'm gonna graduate, get a house and a few cats. I'm gonna start working at the vet clinic and be rich enough to start my own in ten years." Tom declared, so sure of himself. You watched your friend mean every word that came out of his mouth, which was rare for the often-unserious fellow.

"Did you know," Angus began to rally, raising his bottle to make a point. "In Egypt when a family's cat died, they all shaved their eyebrows off as a sign of respect. Haven't figured out why yet. But I was reading-" 

You groaned a laugh, decidedly tuning out the rest of Angus' sentance. You loved that he always had a recently studied story to share. They fascinated you, usually. But tonight, Angus rambles about history repeating itself was filling you with dread. You weren't keen to consider the past tonight. And your own lack of clarity about the future was growing vaster every day. 

Remembering your promise to let loose here, you politely excused yourself from Angus' on-going speech to find more to drink. Surely the fridge inside had something strong enough, something to really set you off for the evening. 

A bottle of whiskey seemed promising but there were no mixers. You settled for a couple shots, and chatted with a girl who lived down the hall from you. She did two more shots with you and introduced you to her girlfriend. The pair were nice enough together but wouldn't shut the fuck up about a recent trip to France and their decision to move there. Couldn't anyone talk about anything besides their plans for life, tonight?

In the living room, strangers picked the worst vinyl's from Kiara's collection to spin. You sighed as some physics major beamed at the sound of Neil Diamond groaning from the speakers.

Thank God you hadn't been left to linger too long alone. Angus was tapping at your shoulder eventually, holding up a bottle of your favorite rum you hadn't realized was available. His smile grew mischievously as he beckoned you to follow him away from the crowd. This was when the real fun always began.

The spare most bedroom was home to a smaller record player and a more prized collection of vinyl's. Kiara never minded your spinning these, knowing how delicate and careful you were with them. How you were more dazzled by some of her favorite collections than she was, on occasion.

Angus was quick to lock the door, keeping out the people who inevitably started knocking to use the en suite bathroom. Kiara had two more. They'd figure that out. You chose an older album, struggling to turn it up louder than the shit they were blaring from the living room. Angus had already taken an absurd swig of rum from the bottle by the time you'd finished fidgeting with the volume dial. 

"Geeze, save some for the rest of us buddy." You snatched the drink for your own turn, already buzzed, but looking to see stars tonight. Angus was well on his way, it seemed, laughing a little too hard at your jest.

"Finally, good music and decent booze. And you, I guess." You smiled up at Angus, taking a big drink as he grinned back your way. He accepted the bottle back as you began to drone on about the shit music the crowd was playing. You rambled about how you feared they lacked a certain amount of passion for talent. You lamented still how easy it was for people to know passion better than you ever could. How unequivocally everyone spoke tonight about their passions and futures and plans. But how even given your efforts to want the same things, you didn't feel that same certainty everyone else seemed to.

"You gotta get out of here." Angus stalled before you, tapping his pointer finger against your temple. He was always getting you to snap out of your silly spinning what if's and why's.

"Sorry. I know, we're supposed to be having fun." You remarked, grabbing back the bottle to catch up to Angus level of inebriation. He went on to make some foul retort about passion, a joke about the last time he managed a one night stand.

"That's the same gusto you're so proud of that got you only frowns the day you asked out three poor freshman before lunch."

"Win some you lose some." Angus grinned, taking a generous swig before passing the bottle to you. You were both well drunk by then and enjoying the solitude from the masses. Kiara threw the best parties because she had the biggest house. And that gave you a lot of opportunities to seek out space all the while, which was the more valued asset, you thought. Your longsuffering roommate was always in the way. And if your one was an obstacle, Angus' three others were too much to bear. Nights like these were sacred for so many reasons.

"I'm better with silent queues, anyway. I've never successfully talked my way into a date."

You chuckled in your friend's direction, rolling your shoulders to the beat of the new vinyl you picked out. You dreamed a little of adding this song to the list of ones to choreograph in the future.

"No, I'm serious! The people I've successfully hooked up with in college have all happened when I decide to keep the talking to a minimum. A little body language goes a long way, I swear!"

"Angus you know I love you, but I'm struggling to believe you." He was too awkward. Not in a nerdish way. But something about his countenance could be enigmatically naive. He'd been through a lot in his young life, enough to hold a certain wisdom in his posture. But he still seemed to have so much to learn.

"No?" Angus stifled a laugh, seeming to make a decision with a nod. "Well what about this?" He set the bottle of rum down on a chest of drawers.  Angus turned, giving you a sly look over his shoulder, before spinning to face you all the way, letting his eye's rake up your figure. He did have the most alluring set of eyes, and you liked to imagine what was going through his head as he peered across every inch of your body.

"You come here often, darlin'?" Angus rose a playful brow, reaching to sling an arm over your shoulder. You huffed a sorry laugh and shook your head in disapproval.

"It worked until I talked, didn't it?" Angus bit his lip, lifting his brows again to get you to giggle. Even if it did, you'd never tell him.

You drank more and argued over what records to play. You laid on the floor near the speakers and settled into silence when a particularly good song came on. Angus hummed along and made you smile. You drank more and made each other laugh until you cried, slumped against the wall by the loo. Music still pulsed from downstairs, but you noticed fewer voices rallied from downstairs, fewer knocks on your door too.

Then you mistakenly noticed the clock. 

"Oh God Angus it's midnight?" I have a test in the morning." You slumped further down the wall you'd been leaning against, covering your head in your hands. "I was already prepared to fail, now I'm gonna be tired and stressed."

"Hey," Angus called, reaching out to pull your hands from your face. "Look, you either know it or you don't. No amount of studying or sleeping now is gonna help. You've already studied so much. I'm sure you'll do fine. Really!"

You sighed and said you knew he was right. But you couldn't understand why you felt so much more unsure than all of your other friends. You arguably studied hardest out of the five of you. You had the same goals. But Tom seemed so certain that his ten-year plan would work out, no matter any set backs. And Kiara was already accepted into her dream position. Angus never complained once about fearing a test or a grade. And Soren God bless him, took it day by day, but he was doing reasonably well for lack of planning. You voiced to Angus how it scared you that life didn't always turn out perfectly despite all your best efforts.

Your friend frowned, and seemed to struggle for a response. Maybe he was too drunk. Or maybe there just was no answer. With the shake of his dark curls Angus decided to wrap an arm around your shoulder. You felt him kiss the crown of your head, something he did when there was nothing left to say. No advice to give. But when he still wanted to show his support. His closeness was a comfort like no other. He knew just how to be near you. And then you realized he was right in a way, before. Angus was pretty good when it came to wordless connection. 

As you realized this, you broke from your leaning against him to cast your eyes to his face. Angus blinked, letting his arm stay draped around you, letting his fingers draw patterns against your shoulder. His lips formed a small smile as Angus watched you consider his features. His eye's stayed easily peering into yours, and somehow it was like you really saw him for the first time.

"I'm afraid I believe you now." You huffed a humorless laugh, drunk enough to speak without thinking. And how Angus was quick enough to register what you meant, you didn't know. But you saw his eyes look into yours with an understanding you'd never uncovered in your three years of friendship. It might've given you a shiver up your spine. Or you might've just been that drunk. But the longer you looked into Angus' eyes and the quieter he remained, the faster your heart started beating. How much had you had to drink?

You couldn't tear your gaze from his, noticing his mouth begin to move to speak, but no words came. Maybe he stalled, or maybe he was still trying to find the right thing to say. Or maybe he was that drunk. But there was something happening to you that hadn't happened in the entirety of your knowing Angus. Your heart rate had never quickened, drunk or not, in his presence. Your mind had never gone so blank, staring into his eyes. You could've gotten into your head about it. But there was no time to think. Because all of a sudden, he was kissing you. 

It seemed to come out of nowhere after all these years. But it seemed so obvious in the moment. His lips stalled on yours as his fingers moved to brush against your neck, the ghost of a clutch. It was as if he couldn't move until you pushed him away or kissed him back. You chose the latter.

You let your lips bruise into his. You let your hand fall above his knee. You let your fingers curl into a grip. And that seemed to give Angus the green light to really kiss you. His lips parted and his hand molded around the back of your neck and his other arm dared to encircle you. You let your free hand find his shoulder. As Angus flexed to pull you closer to him, you leaned in to kiss him fiercer, knocking the guy over in the process.

Angus let both his hands tangle in your hair as you kissed him against the bedroom floor. It seemed your hands and his moved without a thought or a care, aided by alcohol no doubt. Your fingers found themselves dancing along the hem of Angus t-shirt as his traveled to grab at your hips. The record that was playing was skipping and scratching, begging to be turned. But your every focus was on your very best friend right now, how far his tongue was down your throat, how much in a hurry you felt to tear his jeans off. 

You couldn't believe how fast it was all happening. You couldn't quiet process that Angus slender fingers were creeping underneath your skirt. You couldn't seem to kiss him hard enough. It wasn't long before he rolled to pin you against the floor. It wasn't long before he was actually shagging you in the spare bedroom of your friend's townhome. Angus slammed his hips into yours and breathed hard against your neck. You let your nails dig into his shoulder blades as he finished, and strained to catch your breath as he collapsed at your side. 

If you were confused about things before, you were confounded at this point. But it was one in the morning. And you had a test to take. And no time to think of anything else at all. 

"I'm sorry for doubting you earlier." You broke the deafening silence in the room by turning to grin at Angus. He laughed, a real but breathy and exhausted chuckle. Silence settled in again, until you suggested getting up off the floor. At a languid pace, Angus moved to fasten his trousers, and stumbled into a crawl. You managed to move up right faster and decidedly dragged your friend toward the bed in the middle of the room. Sloshed and spent, you each fell asleep rather quickly. But you didn't drift off without a deepening storm of questions brewing in the back of your mind.

///

A knocking stirred you from dreaming. But the harsh early sun from the window caused your eyes to snap shut in a hurry. This bed wasn't yours. Angus was next to you. His curls tickling your cheek. His arm like a heavyweight across your stomach. 

Despite the knocking, your eyes couldn't keep open. Your brain still clung to dreams.

You relished the way your friends body molded against yours. You struggled to recall the last time you felt so calm. So relaxed. It was too easy to fall asleep again.

And then you were shaken to reality once more. 

"Wake up, please-" Angus was whispering your name with urgency. He wasn't at your side, not like before. He was standing. His arms no longer held you close. But his hand clutched your arm, and it stayed there as you sat up to meet his eyes. They were bloodshot. His brows were pushed in, darkening his gaze. His usual faint grin was turned into a frown.

Angus swallowed and dug his fingers into your shoulder. 

"You gotta get up. Tom's dead."

///

Kiara was slumped against the kitchen table when Angus finally got you out of bed. You rushed to her side in a panic, as she kept her head down. Angus stalled near the entry way of the kitchen, hands on his head, breaking out into a pace.

Soren was hanging up the phone on the wall, he'd just called off work for the very first time ever. You wanted to tell him you were proud of him for not having done so sooner. But now wasn't the time. One of you was missing. And he wasn't coming back.

Kiara lifted her head from the table, her once pinned curls now disheveled. Her face was wet with tears as she sucked in a deep breath. 

"Angus can you tell the strangers sleeping on my sofa to get the fuck out, please?" Kiara's voice was hoarse and worn. Soren sat across from you as Angus left the room on a mission, and you begged someone to tell you what the hell was going on. 

Kiara said she opened her door to the police at five this morning. She was Tom's emergency contact, after all. She said he decided to walk home instead of crashing here. He only lived a block away. He should have made it. But he was drunk. And a pickup truck didn't hit their breaks in time. And just like that, none of it mattered. His bed was never slept in. His degree was never earned. His plans out the window. A fifth seat at the pub and dinner table permanently empty. 

Angus returned to announce he'd gotten everyone to leave. But a well-meaning girl straggled in the kitchen behind him, asking the group of you if there was anything she could do for you. Angus turn to yell that she go like he so kindly asked her to in the first place. Soren started sobbing then, slumping from the chair at your side, his blonde locks weighing your lap down. You sat in shock, carding your fingers through his hair. You locked eyes with Angus across the room, watching the way his teeth dug into his lip to keep from crying. You had a lot to talk about. But now wasn't the time.

As you turned to look to Kiara, your eyes fell onto the clock. 

"I- I have a test." Your voice cracked; a cry lodged in your throat that you weren't ready to let escape. 

"What professor? I can help you get an extension, if you want?" Kiara sniffled. 

"I... I don't want that. I want to get it over with. I don't want to leave here but I don't- I don't know." 

"Hey, it's okay-" Kiara reached to rest her hand on your forearm. You struggled to breathe but kept rambling despite yourself. 

"I don't want to put it off, I'll be way more stressed than I already am, but I don't want to leave here, Kiara..." You begged her to help you make sense out of your panic. That's what she was good at. 

"It's okay." She demanded with authority, nodding to silence you. "Go take it. Come back when you're finished? I'd really like for us to all be together tonight." She sucked in a shaky breath and cast her gaze to Angus, who was nodding in agreeance. Soren lifted his head from your lap, face red and eyes glossy. He mentioned needing a change of clothes, barely able speak without breaking down again. 

"I'll take you to campus." Angus gestured toward you. "And I'll grab your stuff, Soren. Stay with Kiara and we'll be back to help clean this shit up and decide what to do next." Angus asked where his friends dorm key was, decidedly designating himself the errand runner. 

Kiara steadied her breathing and thanked him, Angus was always clear minded in crisis. Then she announced that she planned to call Tom's parents. If not to break the news to them before the police, then to find how the family planned to send him off.

Your beautiful hoarse voiced friend demanded you go do your best, as you stood to leave. You gave her a crooked grimace of a smile, every sense clouded with shock and confusion and dismay.

Angus followed you out to his car, where he drove you back to campus in complete silence. Neither of you said a word, neither of you made a sound. There was too much to talk about and not nearly enough of the right kind of time. 

///

Finals Month

You failed that test. Miserably. Maybe you should have waited. But you knew the stress of waiting would've worn on you just as much as the shock had, the morning you took it. That night you spent at Kiara's was quiet. 

That night you all let the sound of dinner cooking echo through the house. That night you all sat around the living room, trying not to fixate on the spot on the couch where Tom usually sat with his legs crossed. That night Angus held your hand, and the way it usually would've brought you comfort was then matched with conflict. Still, you watched as his fingers tapped against your knuckles and clung to his grip for all it was worth. Despite the way your nerves danced on end, you held his hand. Despite the missing friend, the rest of you sat together. 

When you found out you failed the test the next day, you weren't surprised. But you were motivated to get more serious than ever. You only stopped studying the rest of the week, to make meals. And when you finished the first round of finals, you let dance class be your reward.

Kiara was there at the studio, but she wasn't dressed for it. She only wanted to wait up to give you a lift to the pub after, having called you all to plan a meeting this evening. As dancers flooded into the building, you thanked Kiara for coming to watch you, for being there somehow. You promised to dance hard enough for the both of you, that practice.

Then it was time to start the lesson, relishing the way the music pulsed through the floor. You'd never been so thankful for a hobby, it came just in time for you to clear your head. As you moved your body to the beat of some Bowie song, it wasn't like you were coming to any grand conclusions. But something about locking in and moving with the music made your mind stop racing all the while. 

And then there was the part of you that savored the compliments you received when you landed a spin or were asked to offer instruction to others. You were really fucking good at this, and you knew it. 

When class was over, you struggled to ride the high of the adrenaline dancing usually gave you. The music stopped and you had no reason left to pound your feet into the ground, nowhere left to direct your grief and sadness and worry.  But then Kiara was boasting about how well you did and sing songing her familiar plea for you to try out for the European competition. The instructor overheard and walked up to encourage you all the same. 

"You really should. Auditions are in a month." The teacher flashed you his coy smile, letting his hand rest on the small of your back. He was like that. But you didn't mind. The thrill you got from his compliments as a leader outweighed the way his flirting could sometimes make you cringe.

"I'll think about it!" You assured, giving Kiara the 'let's get out of here' look. 

///

At your usual pub, Angus and Soren were sat in silence, each casting despondent glances toward the table. A chair was empty between them. Funny how hard this kept getting. How often you were reminded that Tom was gone, and how shuddering it was to realize he wasn't coming back. You didn't realize how slowly grief worked. How every new day a creeping mourning swallowed your mind more wholly than the last.

Once seated, you flagged down a waiter for some drinks and frowned when Soren asked how your class went. You didn't really want to talk about it. It didn't seem important at all, all you could think to mention in the company of your friends was how one was gone. Wasn't that so fucked up?

"His mom called today. She says the funeral is tomorrow." Kiara came right out with it, causing everyone to cast their eyes toward her. She hadn't mentioned the phone call she had with Tom's parents when you all reconvened that night. No one had said much of anything at all, that night. 

"What the fuck?" Soren spat. Tom was from Alaska. None of you had time to plan to be at a funeral in Alaska in less than 24 hours. 

"This morning, she told me they had family in town for some other reason. And want to just 'get it over with' so, fuck us, I guess." Kiara released a shaky breath, turning to thank a waiter who slid glasses onto your high-top table. 

"We can do something for him, just us." Angus spoke up, arms crossed tight around his body. He looked up for the first time since you got here and looked right at you. You smiled, glad to see him, content with his latest idea. Angus smiled back and kept his steady brown eyed gaze on yours. And for one fleeting moment you forgot you were being swallowed whole by sadness. But just a moment.

"Yeah. We should have a memorial. Anything you want me to bring?" Soren sat up, nodding over and over at the idea, glad for a progressive plan in his friend's honor.

"A bunch of fuckin' weed. It's what he would've wanted." Kiara laughed. And so did the rest of you.

The rest of the hour you spent drinking was full of a little more hope than any of you had felt in the past few days. You managed a few laughs from each other in the midst of planning a memorial. Through giggles, you all strived to turn conversation lighter. There was an unspoken chugging toward ending your hang out on the semblance of a high note. And you understood why. But something felt so wrong about laughing. Something felt so shameful about droning on about school, with each other. Didn't they feel that? How couldn't they? Would bringing this up kill the mood for better, or for worse?

You didn't know how to conduct yourself the longer you thought about it. Suddenly the whole world and the meaning of life stretch out before you and started to muddle together to fill you with dread. 

"Hey." Angus voice was closer than before. You realized your friends were all getting up, and the dark eyed boy was standing beside the stool you sat in. "Hey, come on." Angus rose his finger to your temple and gave it a couple taps. That meant it was time to focus on something else entirely. Time to get out of your head. You nodded and stood to join him as he walked, watching the others head into the foggy night, holding the door open for you.

"It's the last Friday of the month you know." Angus spoke to you gently, his reminder catching you off guard. You didn't really know what to expect, from Angus now. You didn't really know what you expected from yourself, either. 

"Oh, yeah."

"Do you... want me to come over?" He seemed to worry. The lanky brunet shifted the weight between his feet and let either of his eyes dart between yours. You saw his breath in the fog of the misty evening. You couldn't imagine ever telling him no. 

"It's the last Friday of the month. You always come over. I just... almost forgot this time." You admitted. There had been a lot going on. And you hadn't really been paying attention to the calendar. 

"Did you... forget? Or..."

"I forgot. Come on, let's go." You spoke confidently because you were telling the truth. But you realized what he'd alluded to... having recently fucked without acknowledging it in anyway. And you were not ready to have that conversation. 

Angus rose his brows, shrugged his shoulders and decidedly stepped in time with you. You'd hoped he'd start talking about something else. But he didn't. He let an awkward silence weigh itself between you as he drove you to your dorm. Angus didn't speak the whole ride there. And neither did you. But he drove you home, and followed you in. And that counted for something, right?

Silence followed you each to the sofa, where you sat on the edge, staring at the blank telly screen. 

"Should we watch something?" Angus finally called, leaned back against your decorative pillows with his arms crossed tight. 

"I dunno." You realized. It was later than usual. Your roommate was asleep. You weren't sure how to act, alone with Angus now.

"Put on an album, maybe?" He suggested. His voice sounded light years away. And you couldn't figure out if it was because he was sat so far back. Or if he was upset with you. Or if you were simply starting to lose your mind.

"I dunno." You repeated. The upsettingly familiar weight of silence crept between the pair of you once more for what felt like a lifetime. 

"We really should talk about it. Shouldn't we?" Angus spoke up, voice breaking up your minds spiral of thoughts that had been getting you nowhere. 

You truly didn't know. There was too much happening you hadn't had time to process. A thousand new truths and realities danced around your brain, seeping down to quicken your heart rate. Even if you should've, you couldn't talk without crying. You actually couldn't help that tears started to pool in your eyes now, feeling demanding to free itself from within you. 

Your elbows met your knees and your hands blocked out the light of the room. You tried to steady your breathing with a deep intake of air. But cries were all that released out, despite your attempt to bay your overwhelm. 

You felt him shift at your side. Angus was up. You sat trying to pull yourself together as you heard Angus move about the room. Suddenly you sensed the telly was switched on and the lights were off.

"I'm sorry. Come here. I'm sorry." Angus called, his weight shifting the sofa once more. "We'll just watch whatever is on. I'm sorry." His hands grabbed to move you back toward him. Angus pulled you to rest at his side, and you couldn't help but accept the invitation. You rose your feet from the floor and buried yourself beside him, sniffling away your tears. Angus held you tighter than you ever recalled him having done before. Angus carded his fingers through your hair, and apologized again. Wasn't this enough? You wondered. Couldn't the pair of you just settle together without words? The more intently you latched against his form, the more purposefully Angus seemed to hold you. Wasn't that all either of you needed to know right now?

But he wouldn't stop apologizing. 

"It's okay." You replied, pulling your face away from Angus' shoulder to meet his eye. Your friend wore a look of consternation, jaw clenched, brows furrowed. There was clearly so much he wanted to say. But he didn't. He just shook his head of curls, and pressed his lips together, casting his eyes to his lap. You brought a set of fingers to his jaw, turning his head to face yours. 

"I promise, it's okay." You said again, nodding and letting your thumb brush across the apple of his cheek. You watched your friend of many years debate saying what was clearly on the tip of his tongue. You waited for Angus to stop shaking his head and just come out with it already. He'd been wondering if you should talk. And if he wanted too, he should've. Right?

"I just... I really want to kiss you again." Angus said, like he was certain to be condemned for admitting so. You felt your mouth try to grin despite the way your lips anxiously pursed.  You watched the way Angus searched your expression for any kind of reaction. But you didn't give him much time before you leaned in to brush your lips against his. This kiss was delicate. This kiss was slow. Your hands did not wander. But you each shared the moment earnestly, for reasons you still weren't ready to uncover.

When Angus stalled to break your connection, he stayed close. His gaze was steady on your lips, as if he were trying to figure out why they were just pressed against his own. But you just couldn't talk about it tonight. So instead, it was your turn to pull Angus close, as you leaned back into the pile of throw blankets. You held Angus' head of curls against your chest as he decidedly let himself relax there. 

You didn't know what show was playing. You didn't know what time it was, or when you both fell asleep. You didn't hear Angus leave the next morning. And you didn't know what you were going to do about the way his leaving broke your heart a little more than it'd already had been.

///

You spent the weekend working. Cleaning houses a couple days a week was enough to keep money in your pockets, especially if you had appointments in the rich neighborhoods. You blasted music through each house, and scrubbed to the beat. Like dancing, this was therapy. Every time you remembered Tom was dead, you'd scoured the grout a little harder. Every time you remembered the way Angus dug his fingers into your hips, and how much you liked it, you vacuumed with more gusto. Every time you remembered how poorly the results of your latest finals had been, you turned up the music.

Then came the memorial your friends set up.

It was perfect. You burned a fire in the pit out back, shared a couple joints, and went through old pictures. Each photo unlocked a memory someone had a story about. Kiara found a few flowers to plant around the evergreen near the corner. Flowers that would grow back every year. For Tom. Angus didn't say much that night. And you didn't either. And you could tell the other two noticed. 

///

"Claire is finally completely moved in!" Kiara chirped. She sat across the dance floor with you, stretching her fingers to meet the tips of her toes. The townhouse she bought with her cousin in mind was finally home sweet home for both girls. "You'll have to meet her! Angus and Soren already have, I called them to help move a few heavier things."

"Yeah, sounds good." You struggled to respond, only half listening. Your brain was busy focusing on the way your body worked to stretch out every imperfection, every negative thought and feeling. But the way Kiara called your name next forced your undivided attention.

"Look, I get that things have been fucked up recently. You know I know that." Your friends voice shook a little, and a pain rang through your chest at the sound. She lost a friend too. "But you've been especially weird. What's going on, huh?" Kiara sounded almost angry. But then you recognized it was simply hurt spilling over. And you'd been caught. And you couldn't brush her off. Not when she was looking at you like that.

"It's just..." You breathed in, struggling to know where to start, totally unprepared to have been put on the spot here at the studio. And then your instructor was calling everyone to get ready for class. Thank God.

"Later, okay?" You stood, extending a hand for Kiara to grab. She did so and shrugged her way to the middle of the dance floor with a puzzled expression ever glued on you. And that's how it stayed all night. She watched your face for a crack in its resolve. You just danced. You turned every 'what if' away from your mind and let the music flood your system. You ignored Kiara's curious glances and danced like your life depended on it.

When the hour was up and the group was heading out, Kiara made a beeline for you. But so did your instructor.

"Stay later?" He beamed, nodding your way as he walked off, having already decided for you it seemed. 

"I can wait up for you!" Kiara lifted her brows in a hopeful manner, stalling to put her shoes back on. 

"I don't know how long I'll be." You realized. Halfway trying to get her to give up, and halfway telling the truth. You knew Kiara was simply trying to check in with you. But if you hadn't even been ready to talk to Angus about everything, it sure didn't feel right to bring it all up to Kiara on a whim.

"I don't mind waiting. We could go for drinks or something. I just think-"

"Kiara... no. Please, I honestly can't do this tonight. Not with you." You spoke a little too quickly, a little too fiercely. You immediately regretted shutting her out as the words spilled from your mouth. And then you watched your friends face turn into a grimace.

"Don't be cunty to me when all I'm trying to do is be there for you." Kiara spat back before bending down to pick up her shoes. 

"Ki, I'm sorry-" You hurried to plea as she began to turn for the door. 

"I'll call you when I'm less pissed off." She waved her hand for you to stay back, to stop following her toward the door. As she began to push out of the exit, she stalled to turn back and say one last thing. "No, actually, you need to call me when you get over yourself." And with that she was gone. And she was right. But you had absolutely no time to process that interaction before your instructor was snapping for your attention. 

"You girls seem close." The man teased with a twisted sort of smile. You let out a huff of a laugh, uncertain how to otherwise respond to this man you knew absolutely nothing about outside of his dance credentials. He could kick higher than anyone you knew. And he always got a little too into the salsa, no matter his partner. 

"Anyway, you know we're all dying for you to nail next month's audition for the traveling team. I wanted to share some pointers with you, if you're serious about try outs?" The man reveled, smiling as he waited for you to respond. The studio was so quiet without the chatter from the others. Without the thuds from their feet parading across the floor. 

"Yeah, that would be so generous of you." You nodded. With your finals having gone horrifically so far, your newly forming plan was to nail this audition, hedge your bets on your newfound talent to land you a decent career while you were young and able. 

For the next half hour, as Chopin's Nocturne No. 2 filled the room, your instructor was straightening your posture after spins. You ignore the way his hands lingered at the bend of your waist. He watched you glide from one movement to the next, praising what you got right and coming over to correct your mistakes. He turned your head in the right direction. He moved your arms to fan out more evenly. He let his fingers trail across your spine as he rambled about how important visible strength was to the judges.

"You'll want to be certain of your timing. And you'll have to be confident in every little flex of your finger." The man hummed, "But if you're looking to nail down a yes for your audition now," He said, reaching out to move you a little too forcefully toward your mark, his grasp remaining. "There is one thing you could do."

Oh hell no.

"Fuck you." You hissed, shoving the instructor's hands away from your hips and shuddering at the realization of his implication. Watching the man's face fall into a frown when he realized you couldn't be so easily persuaded gave you a new set of chills.

"Let me be frank. If you don't sleep with me, I won't vote for you, and you need each judges vote to get in." As he spoke, he reached a bold hand toward you. There was no question in your mind to hesitate before you extended your own set of digits to slap across his face.

"How fucking dare you." You spat, moving in a hurry to collect your things. Your shoes were still off and you dropped your sweater on your way out the door. But there was no chance in hell you were turning back for it. All you could do was sprint toward the main road, desperate for a cab. 

This was all so fucked. You felt like you had absolutely nothing left to hold out hope for. You were failing school. You were pretty certain you'd ruined things with Angus because of a stupid drunken hook up. Kiara was pissed at you. Tom was dead. And you just had your only outlet for all this shit ruined by that creep of an instructor. 

You couldn't stop thinking of the last thing you heard Tom declare. How he was so ready to graduate and get the cat he'd always wanted and a job of his dreams. How he had it all planned out, and how you knew it'd been going well enough to likely come together the way he'd hoped. But it was all for nothing. And here you were, living some actual Shakespearean level nightmare. Why were you the one spared by fate? The one without a stich of the future figured out for the better. It wasn't fucking fair, for you to keep this farce of a life in crippled traction. It wasn't fair for Tom to be dead. You couldn't even successfully catch a cab. The road was bare of traffic.

But you weren't left stomping down the pavement long before a set of headlights blinded your vision.

"What the hell are you doing?" Soren's recognizable lilt came booming from beyond his cranked down pickup window. You stopped in your tracks, squinting to see his car stalling near the sidewalk just before you. "Get in here!"

You weren't going to argue, this late, this cold. You must've looked a sight, shoeless and tear stained. Soren's passenger seat was cluttered, but it didn't take him long to toss the books and papers to the back seat.

"Where the fuck are you coming from? Why are you crying?"

"Cause life is fucked up Soren." You sniffled, finally putting your shoes on. Your friend started to drive off then, but wouldn't stop asking what happened or if you were okay. 

"I'm fine. Thank you for the rescue."  

He explained that he was coming home from work. He asked if he should take you home, or to Angus' dorm. And that made a new spring of angry hot tears pool in your gaze. It was all you could do to breathe steadily, before shaking away your emotion to finally answer your friend.

"I'm so sorry. It's just been a really shit day. And that's really saying something lately isn't it?" You laughed, despite yourself, and so did Soren. Though his eyes stayed curiously drifting from the road to your slump to the right of him.

"Kiara and I had a weird fight. And then I quit dance class. And I left my favorite sweater there." You whined, ultimately deciding you owned someone an explanation. And Soren had already accepted you in his ride in your sorry state. 

"We can turn back! Do you want to get-"

"No." You demanded. "The instructor guy is a creep. I never want to see him again. And I don't want to see Angus. I just want to go home. Please."

Soren spoke your name lowly, begging to know more. But you couldn't. You just shook your head and thanked your friend again for the lift.

///

Claire

Kiaras cousin was a tall, sharp-witted model of a lawyer. She sat way to close to Angus on the loveseat, knees brushing. And he laughed way too hard at her jokes. It made you sick to watch the pair of them chuckle over a bottle of wine. What could they possibly have to laugh about? He was a brooding stick figure of a college student. And she was this blonde bombshell of an older woman. The pair of them colluding didn't make sense to you.

With the roll of your eye's you fled the living room for the kitchen, finding Kiara. She'd just finished perfecting another well made dinner. 

"Hey." You cautioned meekly, finding your friend shutting the oven door. The room was warm from the heat of the appliance. The air was thick with the scent of spices and herbs. Kiara turned to you with a faint smile, stalling for you to do the talking. And you knew you needed to.

"I'm really sorry I never called, like you asked. And I'm sorry for being so nasty that night." You frowned, meaning every word. You hated that your upset had spilled out into sharp words Kiara never should've received. 

"I'm sorry I called you cunty." Your friend shrugged before letting out a small chuckle. "But you can't keep shutting us out, babe."

Kiara's statement caught you off guard. You hadn't really realized that's what you'd been doing. But it was. You still hadn't given Angus any chance to talk. You yelled at Kiara when she asked what was wrong. And you brushed off Soren's concern when he gave you a lift home. But then a sudden irritation rose within you. 

"I guess I don't know what there is to say that you all don't already know. I guess I don't understand why Angus is laughing in the living room and why we're all pretending to have a nice dinner like everything is fine when it isn't."

"We're all still hurting," Kiara spoke your name, imploring for you to hear her. "What's so hard to understand about wanting to achieve some levity together?" Kiara sounded angry again, angrier than you. Angry at you.

"Why can't you let me be upset?" You quizzed, chest hot with misunderstanding.

"Why can't you let me move on?" Kiara demanded to know, voice full of emotion.

Just then Soren breezed in, setting his bag of comic books and weed on the kitchen island, asking how he could help set up for dinner. Kiara asked him to grab everyone drinks. Then she told you to carry out a pan of food to the table. Her tone was short and she wouldn't look you in the eye. You did as she asked, anger bubbling and brewing deeper in the pit of your stomach all the while. 

You ate dinner, asking Claire about Chicago. You pretended not to grimace at the sound of her shrill run on sentences. You reminded yourself your upset shouldn't be directed at this poor stranger of a woman. But it was hard not to seethe when she was sat in the fifth seat at the table. You and Soren each shared a glance or two of annoyance at Claire's hogging the nights conversation. 

When she wasn't speaking, Angus was asking her more questions. You watched him hang on her every word. You kept hoping he'd turn and give you those looks. You watched his fingers drum on the table, and wished his hands were holding yours. You realized then, just exactly how fucked you were. And how no matter when or how you had the inevitable conversation with Angus- that everything was different now between you two. When he started rambling about his thesis having something to do with ancient Roman law, you excused yourself again. 

Thinking fast, you gathered everyone's finished dinner plates to take to the sink, the perfect leave. Your anger dissolved into exhaustion by the time you reached the kitchen, you were getting a little sick of your own bullshit. You were growing weary over how out of control your life and emotions seemed these days. 

As you arranged the dirty dishes in the sink, something caught your eye from beyond the patio door windows. Through the never-ending fog of this San Fransico spring, a small grey blur. You turned your attention fully to the backyard, beyond the firepit, past the chairs. A slender grey cat was biting at the flowers Kiara planted for Tom. 

"Uh, guys." You called out for someone else to come and see this because there was no way they'd believe you if you simply told them. "Guys you have to come see this." You called again, a laughter breaking up your announcement. 

"What's wrong?" Angus came sauntering in, you heard him, but you didn't dare turn from the sight of the animal in the backyard. "Oh... my God." Angus approached, stalling at your side near the patio doors. He let out a chuckle too, disbelief painting a smile across his face that reached his almond eyes. You turned to look right at him. And he turned to look right at you. And for a moment you weren't sure what sight dazzled you more. The others came rushing in, pointing and laughing and standing in awe before the patio doors. The laughter that was born from shock kept erupting more and more between the four of you, until Soren was howling, and Angus was coughing and Kiara was nearly breathless.

"I don't get it. What's funny?" Claire asked, looming near the kitchen island with a look of perturbed wonder. Maybe Kiara was right. It was time to let some kind of light in.

///

"Open the dooooooor." Angus whined from outside your dorm, chanting the same thing over as you rushed to hide paper in your hands. It was a letter from your university.

You failed your finals. You failed this entire semester. 

Shoving the letter between your mattress and box spring, you clamored to unlock the door, letting your best friend inside. 

"Geeze, do you really have to lock all three locks on your door? I stood there freezing for hours it felt like, coulda died in that hallway."

"For somebody who came from a winter state you sure have a shit tolerance for temperature." You joked. But it had been a chilly spring. "I'm not taking my chances with the serial killers and the impatient East Coasters." 

Angus stood with his hands in his jacket pockets and that familiar brooding smirk on his face you were so damn endeared to. His smile was always a good sign. But still, you were suspicious of your friend's presence, still on uncertain terms.

"Want to come do laundry with me?" 

Finally, something normal. A usual request from Angus. A routine you could follow without question or wonder. Just a couple of spin cycles and whatever bullshit you each thought up to ramble over to pass the time. With a nod you grabbed your hamper and followed Angus to his car. The laundromat was a five-minute drive, one you spent turning the radio dials while Angus bitched about traffic. 

Inside the laundromat, rows of machines lined the walls and only a couple patrons stood separating whites from darks and folding fresh sheets. Some folk songs crackled from the speakers, but the whir of the dryers and washers drowned out the guitars. You each got down to business; loading your clothes into separate machines and lingering to wait on one another to head across the street. A diner waited, windows flooded with flyers and adds. 

Angus got you each a coffee and you ordered some fries. He mentioned going with Soren to a wedding in New York in a couple weeks. Yammering about summer plans. Angus considered the idea of tracking down his old professor when they got over there. You listened. You said you didn't have any plans. You clawed through topics in your head to keep up the facade of normalcy. But nothing could stop the silence that branched from the space in between you and your very best friend. You watched his lanky finger steal a fry from your basket without asking. You sat biting your lip instead of reprimanding him. 

"I took Claire on a date. Two nights ago." 

You nearly choked on the coffee you sipped to suppress your jitters. 

"Claire?" You rang, shooting Angus a look of disbelief. 

"I really like her. And she somehow really likes me." Angus reasoned, holding out a hand as if to pass along this information. You sat, playing back his sentence over and over in your head. Playing back the way they laughed together the night you met her. She seemed nice enough... But...

"I was going to wait and ask you... I don't know, for permission, I guess? But then I kind of figured if you wanted to talk about what happened with us, you would have by now. So that must mean you don't have anything to say, right? So, I asked Claire on a date. But then I felt like a real asshole about not telling you. So this is me... asking one last time. Do you want to talk about it? Do you care?" Angus ended his rambling admission by boring his dark eyes right into yours, and waiting. 

You sat, playing his words over and over. You sat remembering the warmth that filled your every cell when he first kissed you. You sat remembering how he said he wanted to do it again. You sat wondering why the fuck your body and your brain refused to function as a team, failing you from opening your mouth at all now. But if you couldn't do it... maybe Angus could.

"Do you? Care?" You dared to quiz the guy, your eyes darting between his, searching for understanding. 

"Wha- Why do-" Angus stuttered, his already furrowed gaze growing more perturbed by the second. "Are you listening? Do you hear me at all? I need to know how you feel." Angus leaned against the sticky table, as if his intense eye contact would get the answer he wanted out of you.

"I hear you." You breathed, nerves buzzing across your entire being.

"But are you listening?" 

"I can't stop you, Angus!" You finally burst. Anger pushed itself through your body until words formed against your better judgment. "If she makes you happy go for it. Hell, bring her over for dinner next Friday. It's the last one of the month."

Your friend sat obviously perplexed across from you. It was like he wanted you to tell him not to do it. But you couldn't stop Angus from living his life. You barely had control over your own these days. All you could muster up the ability to speak was a weak approval, despite the way your heart descended to your stomach.

///

"Here you are, dude." Soren handed you a coffee with a proud grin, like it was the first one he'd ever made. Your friend should've been proud, you ventured. His free spirit got the better of him years before now. He seemed to be finding his groove.

"Thanks sir. How'd you do on finals?" You really wanted to know his answer, knowing he'd worked so hard this year. Soren said he passed with flying colors. You said you knew he would. He said they'd all gotten together at Kiara's to celebrate. He said the cat came back. He said he really didn't think Angus and Claire made a good match at all. He wondered why you weren't there.

"I guess I wasn't invited. I haven't been a very good friend to Ki, lately." You shrugged. You knew you'd found yourself in this position by your own faults. But it still stung to know they'd gathered without you. 

"Oh. I thought it was an Angus thing." Soren shrugged. "He was real nervous about how you'd react to his asking Claire out and all."

"Yeah." You responded, searching Soren's gaze and watching him realize another customer was coming in. He smiled a sweet smile and hurried over to his register, giving you a wave from there. You shouted a 'see ya' on your way out.

///

You slaved over your stove the night Claire was meant to join your monthly get together. This all felt like a very bad idea. But Angus was your best friend. And you really did want to support him in whatever steps he put an effort into taking, in life.

Granted the two weeks they had been together were the longest of your college career. Tom was still dead, and Kiara was still cold with you. She let you come over and accepted your apologies. But she remained despondent the whole time you stayed, clearly in her head about things. But you understood what that was like. And weren't keen to push her further. 

Then your guests were here. And you felt even more like this was a very bad idea. But you played off your anxieties by deciding to pretend to be the best damn host on this side of the campus. You served Claire first and kept her glass of wine full and asked all about her life. Angus passed you several tight lipped smiles and subtle thank yous. You'd never met any girl he'd ever taken out. There had been a few, but none stuck around long enough. 

You could tell Claire really liked Angus. And he definitely deserved to be adored in the way the brilliant blonde was willing to adore him. But there was just something that undeniably clashed about their pairing. Maybe it was the fact she was a few years older, sleeker, more mature. Maybe it was how callow Angus seemed at her side. Or maybe it was just you.

When the night winded down and the girl offered to help you clean up, Angus went to the bathroom. And that's when a certain veil lifted. The pantomime of the evening enjoyed its intermission when Claire toted in a couple empty glasses to your sink. 

"I don't think I like you very much." She came right out with it. And not in a vindictive tone either. Just an honest one, and you respected that. 

"I see." You straightened your posture.

"I mean, you seem nice enough but... I don't like you around Angus. I'm sure if I ask, you'll lie but, have you two... ever..." The woman lifted a brow, drying off a couple plates as you rinsed some others. Passing a couple utensils through the water, you considered very carefully how to respond.

"Why should it matter? If nothing ever came of it?" You quizzed, shrugging your shoulders. The blonde at your side heaved a sigh through a gentle smile, continuing to help you clean up.

"Well, at least you didn't lie."

Angus swooped into the room soon after, suggesting it was time for himself and his date to take their leave. After a few minutes of pleasantries, they started out. But not before Angus flashed you an expressive lift of his brow, curl of his lip, as Claire turned to leave. He asked so much in that one glance, a talent of his you'd always been fascinated by. 

You flashed him a wide eye'd shake of your head, there was quite literally no time to talk about everything that had just happened tonight. But you hoped your face said it all just as well.

///

Soren sat across from you, hunched over his homemade lunch. You ordered a coffee from him before he took his break and scurried out to the tables to join you for a bit.

You swatted a strand of long sandy hair away from his meal and asked how he'd been. He mentioned being glad school was over for a bit. He mentioned the cat that kept showing back up at Kiara's patio door. He was convinced it was Tom, coming to visit. He knew it was crazy to think it, but he swore by his belief. He said Kiara thought he was nuts for it. He said she'd been grumpy lately anyway, cold. You selfishly hoped this meant she wasn't exclusively upset permanently with you. That she was just going through it.

"And don't even get me started on Angus and Claire." Soren scoffed, taking a bite of lunch. 

"Oh, please get started." 

"She's so possessive. Protective I could understand but she's possessive to a fault. He can't even bring up girls he works with, without Claire coming unglued." 

Well, that explained why you hadn't heard from your very best friend in a couple very long weeks. You phoned him the day after that fateful dinner. He never answered or returned the call. You hadn't even seen his car on the campus lot, as it began to empty out. Summer had officially begun, and most everyone was graduated or off coping with the last semester before the next one kicked off.

"He says hi, by the way." Soren rolled his eyes. "Shouldn't have to be the damn messenger. Jealousy confounds me." Your friend flared his nostrils and shook his head before taking another bite of his sandwich. You couldn't help but chuckle at your usually laid-back friend's fiery disposition.

"Thanks for filling me in. Wanna share some of that cookie?" You shrugged, changing the subject. There was nothing you could do to change the way things were. There was nothing more to say. You were beginning to cope with the fact that the morning Tom died, everything changed. Everyone was different for better or for worse. Life was different now. And you were beginning to cope with that fact.

///

Today was the day of auditions. You sure as hell were not about to show up and dance. But you couldn't stop staring at your calendar- and the note you'd left there ages ago to remind yourself about try outs. A fleeting wonder crossed you mind, about showing up anyway. A fleeting consideration pressed with in you, for the outcome if you were to dance your ass off to try and earn a spot you knew you'd never land- just to have the last laugh.

When the phone started to ring, your roommate answered. But it wasn't long until she was twirling the cord closer to you, heading to take over the sofa.

"You have a competition or something today, don't you?" Angus voice crackled through the telephone line. You leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes still glued to your calendar, and huffed a laugh. What an unexpected voice to hear, cutting through your what if's, today.

"No I uh, I changed my mind." You revealed. You hadn't told anyone what happened, not really. You felt like you had more pressing issues to consider, back then. And now you weren't sure if any of it still mattered or not.

"Oh." Angus replied in a shock that nearly took you by surprise. "Well in that case, want to go see a movie?"

He was outside your dorm honking ten minutes later. 

"I'm putting my shoes on, Geeze!" You hollered out the window. Angus yelled for you to hurry up, laying on his horn all over again. Your roommate started yelling soon after, demanding you get the hell out before Angus honking drove her bonkers.

"It's not my fault you called me so last minute!" You shouted, jogging to hop in his passenger seat. 

"It starts in like four minutes!" Angus whined to your amazement. He was such a pain in the ass sometimes. But then you smiled and realized that you hadn't been worried about something so trivial concerning Angus in a couple months. You'd missed the hell out of this. But... why was it happening now?

"Why did you call me to invite me to a movie if you thought I had a competition today?" 

"I called to wish you luck. And to apologize for not calling sooner. I've been pretty confused."

"Soren told me Claire's been a bit... territorial. You know that night at dinner while you were in the bathroom she told me she didn't like me?" You sighed a humorless laugh.

"Yeah." Angus scoffed a hopeless chuckle, breaking the speed limit all the while. You cursed at him to slow down before he went on to say, "She gave me an ear full that night too. And I wanted to respect her worries, ya know? Show her she had nothing to worry about. But then her worries turned into accusations, and the past two weeks have been constant interrogations with her. So, I broke up with her last night."

"Oh my God?"

Somehow, you actually didn't see that coming. Not so soon, anyway. Not so abruptly. While there wasn't much new information to process, the news still made your brain whir. A few billion what if's and what now's bubbled into the back of your mind while you realized the turn your evening had taken.

"I'm sorry she was rude to you. And I'm sorry I've been distant." Angus furrowed his brow and lowered his tone, speaking very seriously now. All the while he whipped his car into the movie theater parking lot and turned off the engine. "Now get out, we've already missed the previews. this is a Burt Renyolds film we're dealing with, go, go!"

"Oh my God, okay!" You hurried, slamming the car door shut. "No. Hey! Slow down it is not that serious." You remarked, following orders but refusing to jog at the speed Angus darted toward the theater doors.

Two tickets to The Longest Yard and one massive bucket of popcorn later, you were back to normal. Angus settled at your side and swatted at your hand when you reach for the popcorn at the same time as him. You plucked a kernel to toss at him in offense. He sighed and lifted a couple pieces to your lips as a silent apology. You chuckled and relaxed and thanked God for the turn of events. 

You learned not to take it for granted. It could very well be the last evening of its kind you got to share with Angus. Death and dates and all kinds of reasons kept getting in the way of normalcy for the pair of you. Maybe that's what adulthood was. Maybe that was life. But so was this. And for that you were grateful.

The ride home was short, and filled with chatter about the film. And when Angus pulled into an actual covered parking space instead of haphazardly in front of your building; you felt hopeful that meant he would stick around.

"Wanna come in for a bit?" You offered, glad for the way you'd been able to banter so easily tonight. Longing to stretch out your visit, craving connection with Angus for longer than a few weeks now.

"I gotta meet up with Claire to give her some stuff back. I owe her that much." Angus stretched out his words, leaning his head against the back of the seat, turning to give you a sorry smile. You could tell he didn't want to go, not really. But he was right.

"I've just really missed you." You decidedly shrugged, looking right at him. Not even just the way he touched you that night. But his well-meaning laugh and his stories about what he'd been reading. His looks for you to decode across rooms. Him.

Angus nodded, that brooding grin of his forming across his features. He reached a hand across the bench of his front seat, tracing a finger against your thigh. You watched his hand ghost to stall on your knee- before you held out a slacked arm, scooting closer all the while. You needed him to wrap his arms around you, no matter what that meant. No matter what he felt when he did it. You needed him to. 

And he did. Angus welcomed your embrace with his own, holding you tight in place for a moment before his head buried into the crook of your neck. You weren't even thinking when you moved your hands to brush his hair back. Angus moved as you did, his hold on you stayed steady, but his eye blinked up to meet yours.

And then you realized it was happening again. Your heart began to hammer, you knew he could feel it. Your brain buzzed with thoughts of only Angus. Your eye's longed to gaze more intently into his. Your hands wandered to consider the curve of his spine, the strength of his core.

"I've missed you too." Angus whispered, as his arms loosened, his hands trailing to the bend of your waist. 

The kiss that followed was fierce. Your teeth clashed with Angus' and your breath caught in your throat. His fingers gripped to grab at your shirt, yanking you toward him. Your knees settled on either side of his hips. Your nails scratched along his torso before landing on his belt. It was just like before, neither of you could move fast enough. Every move seemed detrimental. But no touch lingered long enough to drive you crazy. You wouldn't let it. You needed to get to the point.

Angus picked up on your desperate pace, aiding in undoing his belt while his lips brushed along your neck. A quick shuffle of fabric was the last step to take before you were easing into Angus' lap completely as possible. You were sober enough this time to think to lock eyes as you rocked against him, shivering at the sight of Angus slack jawed enjoyment. 

He let one hand brush across your cheek as his other clawed at your thigh, pulling you close as possible. You watched in awe as Angus stuttered a curse. You moved with intention, and he did too. Trailing his fingers from your face, to your chest, to the very middle of you- adding immensely to your pleasure. It was your turn to stammer curses and struggle to catch a steady breath. It wasn't long before you both reached your peak. But it felt like forever. It felt like all of time and space had collided to stall, as you shagged Angus in the front seat of his car. You relished every flame of feeling. You savored the way his eyes stayed locked with yours. You reveled in the smile that turned to corners of his lips upward. You had really missed him.

Quiet filled the car as you slinked up and away, falling into a puddle nearer the passenger seat. Angus cleared his throat, moving to fasten his trousers. 

"Now what?" He asked in a hush. 

"You gotta go. Right?" You shrugged. That was that. Right? 

/// 

The Summer

Kiara followed her internship to Canada for the season. Tom was still dead. You had no dance class. You had just failed your semester. Angus and Soren had left for some wedding in New York. Not that their absence mattered much anyway. Because your best friend hadn't spoken to you since the spontaneous movie night. Since the second more profound and regrettable hook up. Not that you wished you never done it. But that you wished you would have said something different when it was over. Something that didn't make Angus jaw clench as he watched you get out of his car.

Several days passed since you'd heard from Angus. Despite the few times you'd called and the once you'd turned up at his dorm only for his roommates to shrug and say he'd been out all night. Then it was time for the New York trip.

And it seemed unstoppable, the call from your bed to stay there. You had no reason at all to get up. You had nothing to do. Nothing to think about. For days you stayed locked up in your room, completely despondent to any and everything.

Then your roommate knocked persistently enough to stir you from your den. She mentioned her flight for Japan was in a couple hours and asked for a ride to the airport. Your bones ached to move, your brain longed for a fresher perspective. So, you decidedly ended your wallowing in your own despair to slip into a change of clothes and drive to the airport.

The drive was refreshingly quiet. The blue of the sky and the air through the windows made you feel free. Made you realize you were not as trapped in that little campus as you felt. Your roommate had been fiddling with the radio dial as you'd considered the great big world beyond her dodge dart.

"Oh my God, hey!" Your roommate chirped over the crackle of a news anchors morning announcements of weather and traffic conditions. "Today is your birthday, isn't it?"

"Holy shit." You realized. "It is." you'd been so lost in the cave you created out of bed sheets that you'd almost lost track of time. Your roommate proceeded to shower you with well wishes, asking if you had any plans. 

You did. Earlier in the year, Angus talked you into going out on this date, having a ball. When you'd each gone through the calendar at the start of the year, you realized each of your birthdays were on the last Friday of either month. Angus said that was too crazy to be a coincidence. He said you needed to make the most of these celebrations. But that was back when things were different. 

"Not sure. After I drop your car off, I'll see where the day takes me."

"About that." Your roommate proceeded to inform you that she wasn't just visiting Japan. She'd decided last minute to move there, start anew. She had a fiancé and a place to go, and an abundance of plans. She wondered if you could leave her car for sale in the school lot and mail her the money. Lots of favors from this one today, you thought. But then...

"How much?" You wondered. Your roommate rambled about how much she paid for it, thinking of selling it for half the price now. 

"I'll buy it." You blurted, surprising yourself even. You'd had funds saved up now with nothing to spend them on. You may as well had started thinking of your new path forward. 

"Oh, that's right," Your roommate realized you'd been without your own transportation for a while now, and said she felt silly for not thinking to offer it to you right away. Once stalled outside the airport you wondered how much money you stashed in your wallet, finding only a couple hundred dollars. Your roommate stuck her hand out as you passed her the bills, but you were shocked when she handed you most of it back. 

"Happy birthday, and thanks for the ride. It was nice bunking with you!"

In the span of a thirty-minute ride you'd been shown a kindness that filled your heart. You'd considered new sets of hope you'd never knew existed. You saw the sun. You gained a car. You turned another year older. 

Driving back to campus, dread threatened to overcome you once more. But it was your birthday damn it. You had to find some way to keep yourself from slipping back into that bed of yours. 

To the cafe, it was. And to your surprise, Soren was there. 

"Happy birthday!" Soren smiled, arms opened wide behind the counter of his job. You chuckled and leaned across the sticky space to hug your friend. He said he'd tried to stop by your dorm this morning but no one answered. He must've arrived there as you left.

"I forgot you were meant to be back so soon." You said.

"My flight landed a couple days ago, Angus stayed to meet up with that old teacher he always talks about." Soren shrugged, going on to gush about the wedding they'd attended. And how much fun the boys had free of studies and schedules, away together. You stood there and listened, happy for Soren on one hand. Hurt by Angus absence all the while.

"Angus didn't say when he'd be back. But I swore I saw his car today. Could've just smoked too much before my shift though." Soren laughed as he poured you a coffee, free of charge. For your birthday, he insisted. You smiled and thanked your friend. Pursing your lips to suppress the surprising amount of emotion that rose within you at how kind everyone was being today. How much you didn't feel like you deserved their kindness.

"Thanks. Have a good shift, friend." 

Your next stop was the market. Your cupboards were bare, you already knew. And now that you were out of your stupor, your stomach ached with hunger. Some dinner, a drink, and a little tiny cake because why the hell not. Whether you deserved everyone else's kindness, you were allowed to make the most of today, right?

The afternoon passed slowly, light turning to dark outside. You considered Soren's story, how he thought he saw Angus' car today. How there was a chance he was back on campus. With a shot in the dark, you rang his dorm with your fingers crossed. No one answered, but you couldn't be too disappointed. He was still on the East Coast, you decided. He would've stopped by today right? If he was back in town, and if he knew it was your birthday, he would've stopped by. 

But then, you knew he knew it was your birthday. And night turned to morning, and he hadn't called. He would've at least called, right? If you hadn't fucked it all up, he would've. If everything hadn't changed, he should have. But all of a sudden it was four in the morning. And the slice of cake you'd saved just in case Angus came around was swiftly sent to the garbage. And the realization that everything was different was followed by the understanding that you didn't have a single thing stopping you from starting all over.

You cleaned up and found your suitcase and started throwing things in. Forming a quick plan, you found a notebook and a pen and hurriedly wrote your friends name on one side and a quick note on the other. Even though you were pissed at Angus, and hurt and confused by the turn your friendship had taken, he still deserved a goodbye.

'i dropped out. might call when i get settled someplace. here is to hoping you'll answer if i do'

It was cutting. It was short. But it was all true, and it wass the best thing you could think up, so hastily. You zipped your bags and threw them in your new back seat. You marched to Angus' dorm and slid the note under his door. You zoomed off campus and felt the weight of all that had happened fall from your chest.

You looked ahead as day light broke on the horizon, and smiled.

///

The Future

For a month, you kept your job cleaning houses, crossing the bridge to the rich neighborhoods as often as you could. You'd found a perfect little flat on the outskirts of a suburb. You even considered applying to some of the shops along the town's strip so you wouldn't have to drive as often.

You'd banked on the kindness of delivery drivers to help you move a bed and a few other furnishings into your new space. You'd decorated with mementos you'd clung to from childhood, and a couple pictures of the four greatest friends you'd ever had. When Tom was still alive, and everyone was carefree. Though all of that had ended, the photos you cherished from before brought you the same happiness you'd felt when the snapshots were taken.

You'd called Soren once or twice. To make sure someone knew you weren't dead. To make sure he was still showing up on time to work and to listen to the plot of whatever comic he was in the middle of reading. If conversation began to drift too far outside of those topics, you'd let your friend know you had to go, but promised to keep in touch.

You were just starting to feel like life made sense. You were just beginning to consider that not all hope was lost. While you were still at a loss for what to hope for, you were beginning to consider that there was a future beyond despair. Maybe it was finally time to call your best friend. Maybe you could talk to him now, without completely losing it...

You kept these thoughts at bay, not daring to let them spin your mind and soul into a depression. You pulled into a gas station, deciding only to occupy your afternoon with trivial things. With easy thoughts and simple tasks. You were allowed to do just that.

Just as you began to lose track of your thoughts in a daydream, leaned against your trunk watching the gas fill- a car screeched recklessly into the gas station lot. A woman carrying a couple of fountain sodas scurried out of the way of the boxy car and nearly dropped her beverages. A couple by standers cursed out the hapless driver as the car continued to skirt crookedly behind yours. You knew that make and model. You knew that scratched passenger door.

Oh, God.

Angus was clamoring from the driver's seat, slamming his door before he stomped up right to your face, yelling for the whole lot to hear.

"You dropped out?" Angus hissed. His dark curls bobbing as he pointed an angry finger your way. You saw a funny little rage in his gaze. And that pissed you off more than you'd already been.

"Oh, you found my note? How long did it take you?" You jabbed. "Three or four days? Week or two?"

"You can't drop out! There is only one year left!" Angus was in awe, waving his hands at you, yelling like there was a bubble between the pair of you he had to shout past to get your attention.

"I'm surprised you're aware of that. Haven't necessarily been keeping track of important dates as of late, have you?" You shot the guy a glare that could have killed him if your eyes were lasers or worse.

"Look, I know. I'm sorry. I am sorry." Angus whined your name, reaching out to grab your arm as you adjusted the gas pump from your car to its holder.

"For what?" You challenged. Because you believed he still hadn't realized how important this last time his absence had been.

"For going M.I.A. For not calling. For... everything. I have missed you, I just-" Angus sighed and cast his eyes down in shame you could feel begin to radiate from him. But ache as your heart might've for him, because it always had, you were far from done being mad.

"You've never missed my birthday before." You rose a brow, a sting filling up your chest that you had to make it so obvious to him. Angus head rose up slow, his downtrodden gaze turned into one of shock horror.

"Oh my God, no." He frowned. "No, no, no- I'm... so sorry," Angus called your name as you rolled your eyes and turned to open your car door. His please for you to stop mixed among a billion sorry's in the span of a minute. His hand stalled on your driver's door, and you stood glaring as Angus began to ramble. "Soren barely knew you'd left. He couldn't help me." Angus explained. "I went all around campus asking if you'd told anyone where you'd gone. So last resort, I drove across the bridge to Miss Julie's to ask if she'd seen you, and finally-"

Mid sentence, your brain whirred. This mother fucker drove an hour and a half across the city to ask a woman whose house you cleaned every other weekend if she'd seen you? Okay, maybe he cared more than you thought.

"And you don't call, you don't write, you leave me a vague ass note like I-"

And then you were pissed again. Because you did call. Angus was the one who left you hanging this last time.

"Angus, we are not doing this here." You swatted at him, breaking his grip on your car door. With a heavy sigh you asked him to follow you to your new little flat. Where you could yell all night long without a lot full of strangers gawking at the pair of you.

Your grip was white knuckled the whole drive home. Your heart was in your throat. There was no getting out of whatever confrontation that laid ahead with you and Angus. This was it.

You parked in your usual spot and marched toward the apartments to the tune of Angus slamming his door. You reached your home in a couple of turns, unlocking the door, and letting it swing open behind you. Angus slithered in as you hurried inside, straight for the bottle of rum on your counter. Finding two glasses in the cupboard, Angus stalled in the middle of your living space and decidedly went on where he left off. 

"Why the hell didn't you tell me about dropping out?" He called your name. His voice was softer than it had been at the gas pump. But his tone was more desperate. You took a sip of your drink, and slid his toward the end of the counter, locking eyes. You moved closer toward where he stood as Angus went on. "Why the hell didn't you tell me what happened with that dance instructor. Shit, you barely told Soren. But he knew. Why won't you talk to me?" Angus brought a hand to his middle, like he was holding in everything from spilling over. His usual brooding expression was downcast more than usual. His hair a little longer. His eyes still your favorite pair. You had really missed Angus.

"I don't know Angus! I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I tried so hard to pass finals and I failed harder the more I tried. I gave everything I had to that dance class, and it blew up in my face. And then you... us... I couldn't afford to fuck up anymore. I had to go." You spoke, emotion raising in your voice as you stood sweeping a hand to gesture as you explained.

"You didn't fuck everything up. You can still take summer classes. You can fix it. You can find a new dance class. And I... you didn't fuck us up." Angus declared, speaking clearly but wearing a look as if he may have been unsure of himself. You watched as your friend took a few steps toward the drink you poured him. In the matter of a moment, his taste of rum was gone, and he was shamelessly reaching for the bottle to pour another drink.

"What if what I want doesn't matter?" You started, as he poured. "I tried so hard to pass and I failed. I tried so hard to dance and none of my practicing mattered more than a sexual favor would've. What if... what if I want you? What will the catch be? Because there seems to always be one, with me." You'd never been more clear. 

"Look I wasn't sure what we were going through at first." Angus sighed after sipping his second drink. And then he took a moment to glance about the room, seeming to decide something. "But then I went to that wedding, and I realized exactly what I wanted and how I felt. It's still confusing, you and me. But I want there to be a you and me, okay?" He seemed to mean it. He seemed to really mean what he said. But there was still a look of unnerve painted across his features.

"Angus you forgot my birthday." You reminded, downing the rest of your drink. Cocking his head sorrily, Angus reached for the rest of his rum.

"I know." He said. "And I'm sorry. I was late getting back into town." Angus sighed. "And my mother was in my dorm room when I got back, imagine that surprise-"

"Your mom?" You gasped. In the entire three and a half years you knew Angus, he'd only spoken about the woman twice, and spoken on the phone with her once. She'd never come to visit. As you processed this information you watched Angus' jaw clench, his teeth dig into his lip, his brow darken. 

"Yeah, so my dad... he, uh-" Angus blinked up to the ceiling, unable to hide the tremble in his voice.

"Angus, no."

"I tried to visit him when I was out there, after I met up with Paul. But when I asked to see my dad they said he'd been moved out of the facility for months, moved to some hospital, no one could remember which. And then my flight... And she didn't even tell me he'd been sick. She refused a funeral. And I never even got to say goodbye." Angus spoke like every word tore at his throat. Tears pooled in his eyes, falling when they filled up too much. 

"Why didn't you start with that?" You rang, unable to comprehend how so much loss and hurt could continue to reign over this year. You stepped forward to reach for Angus, grabbing at his arms and moving to smooth back his hair, wiping away the tear drop he missed with his sleeve.

"Because" Angus implored, shockingly ready with an answer. "This has been way too confusing for way too long and I couldn't keep it in any longer." He waved at the space that existed between you and himself, keeping his bloodshot brown eyes lasered to yours all the while. "If I want you, and if you want me, then what's stopping this from happening for us?"

"Because," You began, deciding in this moment to be brutally honest. The most honest you'd been all year. "I'm scared."

Angus shook his head, rejecting your reasoning. 

"You don't think I'm fucking scared too?" He huffed like it was obvious. But it hadn't been to you. "I love you. And that's terrifying. I'm in love with you. Enough to wait for you to say it back, if you want to. But you better only decide against this if you don't want it. You can't let this pass us by just because you're scared."

You struggled to hold back the tears springing into your eyes. You struggle to croak out any response that wasn't a curse. You struggled to wrap your mind around all that had been said. You couldn't help but let a sob escape, too overwhelmed by it all.

And then Angus was crying too, really crying. There was no reason left to hold back, to keep emotions locked down. Everything was out in the open now. Every tattered heartbroken truth had been shared. And there was nothing you could do to make it all better, no way to make sense of it in a flash. But you knew you could wrap your arms around Angus and hold on for dear life. 

When his lips met the crown of your head, you were reminded of every time he'd done so before. You were reminded of every late-night pub crawl and bad first date and mean teacher. You remembered every weekend road trip, every movie night in, every homemade dinner. And then you thought of now. You thought of all the hurt. You thought of all the tension and all the grief and all the looks across rooms shared with Angus. You hadn't a clue how to move ahead with him. You wanted to move ahead, but you just couldn't see how.

You began to push away. You shouldered out from Angus' hold on you and wiped at your eyes with a sleeve. You, gently as possible, moved his hand that clung to your side still. 

"Don't do that. Don't shut me out again." Angus implored; voice still wrought. Eye's still bright with sadness. 

"I know it's not what you want but I don't have any other answer for you right now. I'm sorry about everything too, Angus. I'm so sorry about your dad. But I can't- I don't know. Not yet." You sniffled. 

"This didn't go how I hoped." Angus released a heavy sigh, turning to pace before your kitchen counter. "But I'm gonna do what I said." He pointed at you. "I'm gonna wait and hope you'll give me a chance. I just need to make it clear that I don't want any version of my future to be without you in it. So... whatever you decide... I just love you okay? Do you hear me?" Angus rang. Then you remembered how he asked that same question at the diner. 

"I'm listening. And I hear you. And I'm sorry. Just... give me more time."

Angus left that afternoon with a grin when you asked him to stop back again in a couple days. And you went to bed that night in tears, happy or sad you weren't sure. 

///

A few months had passed since Angus appeared out of nowhere and berated you in the gas station parking lot. He was starting his final year of school. He stopped over most Fridays, and some nights in between. Sometimes Soren came with him, and you'd all stay up past midnight cackling like a band of fools. You'd sent Kiara your new address, and she sent some post cards from Canada. The messages she included were never very long, but she always signed her name with a heart dotting the I. 

On the weekends Angus hung around, he mentioned missing Tom. He mentioned wishing he didn't have to miss Kiara too. Wishing for one more night all together. When Angus hung around, he talked a lot about his studies and the stories from the history books he'd been learning. When he hung around, he'd sometimes end up staying the night. When he left the mornings after, he'd always end up coming back around.

You kept cleaning houses. You kept those old pictures hung up like trophies. You wondered about finding a new dance studio on this side of town. But you weren't sure if you were ready. So, all things considered, you went to that little cafe on your old campus to find a friend for lunch.

"So, I went to Claires house yesterday." Soren began his story with a wry grin, unwrapping his meal from home. The coffee shop was busier than usual, full of students new to campus and ones eager to leave. "I asked her if that cat still hung around. Long story short she said if I could catch him, I could keep him. So I went to the gas station on the corner and bought a bag of jerky. Set up a little trail from the fence to the patio. It was about an hour before the little guy showed up. He didn't even go for the jerky he just came right up to me and let me pick him up!"

Soren went on to explain how easy it was to take the cat home and how soundly the pet had been sleeping in his window sill. You laughed and beamed and felt glad for the outcome on your friend's behalf. You couldn't imagine the basket case he'd have become if the cat fought his capture. 

The cafe began to crowd with more people, somehow, standing between tables that all filled up with patrons. Soren sighed and rushed to finish his food, knowing they'd want his help the busier business got. 

"We really need to meet up sometime when it's not your break." You mentioned. He nodded, sharing part of his dessert like he always did. 

"Do you always bring your lunch? I never see you order here." You realized, suddenly. Besides coffee, there were some reasonably decent snacks the cafe had to offer. But Soren never seemed to indulge.

"I don't even like coffee, man." 

You laughed and wondered why the hell he worked here then. 

"It's the first job that called me back after an interview. It's the job that got me out of debt. I love it here. Everything comes full circle, ya know?" Soren explained, but you asked him to go on still. 

"It's like with Tom. He died, man. But that little grey cat that ate the flowers we planted for Tom lets me feed him fast food every night. You can't convince me that's not my friend. He came back." Soren waved a hand, as if to rope his next point in with the one he'd just made. "I needed money, I got a job and made enough to pay off my debt and enough to pack my own lunches every day. Everything we want is already ours. If it doesn't happen one time it'll happen another. It's all a big circle."

Somehow, a light switched on in your brain. Somehow, everything you'd been worried about didn't feel so heavily weighed on your chest. Somehow, you had an answer for Angus.

"Soren, you brilliant hippie freak." You gawked at your friend in awe as he rushed to take one last bite of the sandwich he'd brought. Soren was hurrying to stand, hurrying to get back to work. And you were suddenly in a rush too, now that everything clicked. With a quick hug goodbye, you darted for the shop doors, excusing yourself through a crowd of grumpy college students eagerly awaiting their caffeine fix.

///

Your home was quiet, the good kind. Stillness welcomed you as your thoughts continued to align in place for what felt like the first time in your entire life. Your brain was free of cluttered worries. Your heart was beating at a steady pace. It was all clicking. And you even still had a couple hours to make a decent dinner for two.

Angus arrived when he said he would, bursting in the door with complaints of teachers who were bad at their jobs and students who were too dumb to care. You laughed and listened and set a place at your table for him. Over dinner, you talked about considering dancing again. Angus encouraged you. He talked about taking a year after graduating to relax. You said he should. You each helped clean up easily and welcomed the quiet together. 

You each floated to the couch afterward like you were used too by now. You let the telly play whatever was on, and relaxed under the weight of your best friends arm that laid over your shoulders.

"Angus..." You decided, grabbing his attention as both of your eyes stayed glued to the actor on the screen. Your friend hummed in response. 

"I miss the way everything was before." You admitted. You missed your friends, the nights you all spent as a group. You missed the life you'd had worked out for yourself back then. You noticed Angus had turned his head to face you, his brows lifted as if to display sympathy. His grief free to reveal itself for a moment. Angus' almond eyes floated from his lap to meet yours as you shot him a pursed shrug. 

"It scares me that this is what life has played out like." You went on, watching Angus watch you speak. His eyes landed on your lips. His voice was a whisper when he asked you to go on. 

"What if we keep changing?" You implored, nodding toward Angus as his gaze danced from your eyes to your mouth. "If we fall in love I want it to stay that way. I can't have you be my next great disaster. I'd rather keep you at a distance than dare to let you break my heart somehow." You revealed. 

Angus rose his hand to brush across your face. He let his fingers find your hair and curl among the strands.

"We've already lost a bit of what we were before, haven't we?" You begged for clarification, validation, mutual understanding. If you were gonna let him in, you needed Angus to remember all the reasons you'd been weary to do so, up till now. You needed to make sure his mind hadn't locked onto worry and changed.

He was pressing a gentle kiss to your lips then. A simple soft gesture that lingered with intention. 

"Why does it have to be lost? Why can't it just be changed for the better?" Your friend wondered, his voice low, his presence before you whole and consistent as ever. You'd heard enough to shut up and kiss him back. And then it was happening, what usually happened when Angus kissed you. Your heart hammered and your brain latched onto thoughts of only him and your hands gripped to pull him close. 

Angus dragged you to bed, something that had happened a few times here, in this new reality. You did all the things there that you had done before. You marveled over how Angus held you and cared for you and stared at you with undeniable adoration.

And after a while, when you'd both done all you could do, you laid there still. In the low lamp light, you stayed tangled up with Angus, running fingers through his hair and listening to his heartbeat. And you talked about what compelled each of you to kiss in the first place. You talked about how you felt the night he shagged you on the guest bedroom floor. He talked about how overwhelmed he was when you boned him in the front seat of his car. You collectively wondered how different things might've turned out if Tom didn't die. If school went better. What life would look like now, if things were different.

"I don't know. I've been worried that I don't have control over anything. Like my whole life has just happened to me. What if that's like... my curse?" You sighed, staring up at the amber glow from your bed side lamp.

"I've been where you are, before. When I met Paul. And one night he told me 'your history doesn't have to define your destiny.' And that rocked my world, man." Angus lamented. "I wish I could explain it all away for you just as easy. But all I can do is wait, and hope something clicks for you. Wait and hope you'll see something good enough in me to let me prove it to you. That's what love is, isn't it? Or could be?"

"Yeah. It already clicked for me." You revealed. It was time. It was easy to admit. It was true. Angus hummed as a plea for clarity, tapping his finger against your temple out of habit, you assumed. 

"It already clicked for me. That can be what love is. We can be in love and scared about it together." You said. 

The room filled with a quiet you were familiar with. Angus laid still beneath you. Until finally he spoke up. 

"You mean that?" 

Soren said that everything you may have wanted in life was already yours. And some how that made sense. No matter that Tom died, he was your friend. Nothing could change that fact. Kiara had been so distant, but she was writing to you. She came back. Soren caught the cat. And Angus laid in your bed. And no matter what had happened before, he was here now, and you didn't want to take that for granted out of fear it might all slip away. 

With a grin and a nod, you shifted to meet Angus' almond eyes. His were hazy under his brooding brow. You were glad you didn't have to miss him anymore. He was all yours. You'd always belonged to him whether you realized it or not. And nothing was going to change that.

///

That holiday season you joined Angus on a trip to the East Coast. He made fun of you for being so cold but shared his jackets all the while. Angus took you to all the places his dad used to like. You helped him hold a memorial his mother denied planning, and neither of you mentioned her at all. 

You sat beside him in a cab, watching a steady snow fall collect along the sidewalks. You were on your way to meet your boyfriend's favorite old teacher. You planned to tell him all about Tom. In fact, you had a lot of plans that featured Angus these days. And he, with you. And of that you were very happily certain.

[italiansteebie]

Idk if it was u or someone else that has already done this but I need Steve so out of it (hit his head or high or sum??) he literally forgets to speak English- like maybe he’s just saying stuff in Italian and he’s so confused bcuz no one understands him and he realizes he’s speaking his first language and not English.

Also the party would be drooling after him like?? He’s already cute and he speaks more then one language? Literally screaming!!!

tbh i've probably written something similar to this but for you anon, i'll do it again.

--

steve was walking, and if we want to get technical, he was really wandering, with robin trailing behind him. they weren't paying attention, they weren't really thinking, so.

it just so happened that steve wandered right into an opening door, and he fell back and smacked his head on the side walk. robin proceeded to lose her shit, cackling loudly before realizing he'd actually been hurt.

"oh, shit. dingus. are you okay?"

"oh fuck, i killed him!"

and what a surprise that was. eddie just so happened to cause this brutal door attack. his head was already swimming from the fall and now he has to form words around eddie? really?

"non sono mort." he mumbled, reaching back to run the spot where he hit his head.

"oh my god. he's having a stroke, he can't talk. call 911!" eddie was always one for the dramatics.

"robin, smettila di urlare. per favore."

"is that... italian??"

"non essere ridicolo. sto parlando un inglese semplice."

"steve. oh my god. parli italiano sul serio."

and that caused him to realize what he'd been doing.

"oh no! ha fatto perdere il mio inglese!"

robin doubled over in laughter. she knew it wasn't serious enough to call an ambulance, just knocked a few screws out of place.

"what? what'd he say?! oh my god. i changed steve's language. quick find the reset button!"

this only caused robin to laugh harder, her face turning red and tears leaking from her eyes. steve started to giggle at the sight, but eddie was still watching them, wide eyed.

"are- did i hit steve so hard it started effecting you too?"

as robin sobered up, she took a few shuddering breaths before she realized what just happened. "you speak italian! since when?" she shoved her finger in steve's face.

he groaned, "since always." he brightened, "hey! it's back."

"so i- i didn't change your language?"

"no. he's bilingual."

"oh! so you just decided that for me? you told me that stuff was personal, rob. but what does that have to do with you speaking italian?"

robin laughed shortly, "that's bisexual, dingus. bi lingual means you speak two languages."

"oh. then yeah. im bilingual."

"yeah, we've covered that. but since when?"

steve shrugged. "it'd be odd if i couldn't talk to my mom, right?"

robin shook her head. "it's like every time you open your mouth i found out some new lore about you, steve." and he just shrugged.

and eddie was still there watching this whole thing, trying not to pop a stiffy at the idea of steve speaking italian to him, all slow and sexy- no! bad eddie! steve is hurt, this is not the time.

"so." he dragged out. "i'm okay, ed's." steve assured. "yeah. okay, um. are you... so like. you're one bi... are you the other bi too... or?" eddie said awkwardly.

steve blushed and robin gagged. "yeah. is this your way of asking me on a date?"

eddie nodded dumbly.

"okay. tomorrow? bennys at 6?"

"uh. uh huh."

"sounds good, ed's. i should probably get my head checked out now. a domani, amore mio."

and that was it. suddenly eddie felt like he just got hit with a door. he was still reeling from the interaction when robins distant squealing broke him from his trance.

he shook his head.

steve's got more layers than he thought.

// i did use google translate so it won't be accurate.

"i'm not dead."

"robin, stop yelling. please."

"don't be ridiculous. im speaking plain english."

"you're speaking italian. seriously."

"oh no! he knocked my english loose!"

"see you tomorrow, my love."

[cosmicqvake]

I just wanna know how 7x09 goes from being this goofy, hilarious take on Groundhog Day, with moments like Daisy and Jemma casually DYING on the floor, with Deke proceeding to have a mental breakdown over it (because HELLO he just watched Daisy and his nana dramatically drop dead on the floor), while Coulson groans with annoyance about how much of a pain in the ass it is. And, of course, “phlebotinum”, and Enoch casually destroying everybody, and Coulson slowly but surely losing his mind, some cute Dousy moments too, among other absolute gems.

Then you get straight up gut-punched by conversations like Daisy and Coulson’s, about the irony of the time loop being a metaphor for his fear of the inevitable future where he will have to watch every single person he cares about die because someone “decided he should.”

Like wow. Hit me right where it hurts, why don’t you? (I could make a whole post about that conversation alone.)

Not to mention the power of Enoch’s last scene:

“Does it hurt?

It does, a bit. But it's not the physical pain that troubles me. I am acutely aware that in my thousands of years observing humans, I never used to feel lonely. I've been alone many times. To be candid, I preferred it, but it wasn't until I met this particular team of SHIELD agents that being alone meant feeling lonely. And I don't care for it. So, I am feeling, as you might expect, some anxiety now…

You don't have to. You're not alone. Daisy and I will stay with you right up until the end.

That is very kind of you. But, it's that last part, isn't it? You can stay with me up until the end, but you cannot come with me at the end. I will have to leave you and I will have to do that alone and I can't help wondering when that happens, will I feel lonely?

I can say with some authority that you're not wrong. Dying is lonely. But the feeling is temporary, at least for the person dying. The ones who are left behind… less so. I guess that's the one advantage to going first.

Yes. It's different watching your friends go before you, isn't it? I've been through that as well. It can be harder to stay than to leave. I'm sorry, Philip J. Coulson.

Enoch, the team will carry on the mission. We will survive because of you. Thank you.

You are most welcome. But Agent Johnson, while your friends will indeed survive, the team will not.

What do you mean?

I have seen the future. Carry on this mission and cherish it for it will be your last mission together.

That's not possible. Enoch, this is my family.

Of course. Yet, this is the nature of families. I have seen it countless times on countless worlds. People arrive, so we celebrate, and people leave us, so we grieve. We do what we can with the time in-between but the cycle is always there. No one escapes it. Not even me.

Which means you are not alone. You are apart of that cycle.

Like every other living thing.

Fitz... he was my best friend.

And you are a good friend to Fitz. You are a good friend to all of us.

As I have always...”

Like holy SHIT, man. I am on the FLOOR. It never fails to get me each and every damn time. I resonate on such a deep level with that entire scene, and it honestly affects me so greatly, even to this day. The emotional chokehold that it has on me is unmatched. Someone put the entire thing on my grave tbh.

I could go on about it forever, but basically, 7x09 is just my favourite episode of television ever, and I can say that wholeheartedly. Hats off to everyone who worked on that episode (and every episode let’s be real) I swear. It will forever hold such a special place in my heart.

[final-girl96]

Broken World: Chapter Twenty-Five

The Search Continued

After he found it he set it down on the sandy, muddy shore, pulled his knife out and began to cut off the sleeves of his flannel. “We need to get you back to Hershel,” I told him, taking the water soaked sleeves he had tied together. “I can do it myself!” I swatted his hand away and proceeded to wrap it around his waist. “This is going to hurt.” I pulled the makeshift tourniquet tight around his waist, making Daryl grunted in pain.

He took a deep breath and stood up, grabbing his crossbow along the way. I looked up the steep bank trying to figure out how we were going to get up it with him being injured. I was about to say something when a rustling from the bushes across the way rustled. Daryl and I made eye contact and stayed silent for a few minutes. Then we began to climb, I was ahead of him, trying to find the easiest way to go. Daryl still had the branch, using it as a crutch to pull himself up. I kept looking back and making sure to wait until he got closer to me to move further up.

After a while, he threw the branch he was using down. “Grab hold of this tree here,” I told him, pointing to a small tree. He reached up, wrapping his hand around it to pull himself up, but when he tried, his foot slipped out from under him, and he went rolling back down the incline. “Shit! Daryl!” I started back down, slipping and sliding, grabbing a hold of tree roots and trunks to help slow myself. Unfortunately, that didn't work all that well and I ended up losing my footing and slid down to the bottom of my ass, scraping the palms of my hands while trying to slow myself with them and trying to dip my heels into the loose dirt.

“Had a shitty day, bro.”

I heard Daryl talking…well more like mumbling, but he was talking to someone that wasn't here. “Daryl? Daryl, hey, look at me.” I put my hands on his cheeks, turning his head so he could see me. “Don't move. Hey! Open your eyes!”

“Shut up, man.you don't know shit,” he mumbled. He was looking at something only he could see over my shoulder. “Who the fuck are you talking to?” His eyes started to close and he mumbled something incoherent. “Daryl. Hey! Open your fucking eyes!” I tapped on his face, patting his cheek. Rustling in the bushes behind us made me pat his cheek harder and faster. “Daryl, I need you to wake the fuck up! Now!” This time I just out right slapped him. His eyes popped open and his hand tightly grabbed my wrist. “You need to get up!”

Daryl

I must have hit my damn head pretty hard. Merle was standin’ over me, throwing insults like he always does. I could faintly hear yn voice trying to rouse me from my daze. “You need to get up!” She sounded so far away but she was hovering over me. I could see the worry in her e/c eyes.

“Do as your little girlfriend says. Beat ya haven't even felt how tight that cunt is.” He had a smile on his face that pissed me off. “Shut up, man, you don't know shit!” Merle laughed and racked his eyes over yn body. “So you have been inside that pussy. Well, damn little brother, why didn't ya tell me?” Yn looked behind her and her muffled voice said something to me that I couldn't understand. My eyes rolled back and closed. My eyes shot open when a hard slap left a stinging on my cheek. “You need to get up!” Yn said standing up and walking away.

Yn

I stood up, pulling my knife and walking towards the walkers that were coming out from behind the bushes across from where we were. I stabbed the first one, then the second one with no problem, and headed back towards Daryl; he was slowly waking. I was so focused on him that I didn't hear a walker coming up behind me. It knocked me off balance and I fell with it coming down on top of me. My knife went flying out of my hand and out of reach.

I reached up to holded away from me with one hand while the other desperately searched for something, anything, to hit it in the head with. “Daryl!” I was struggling to keep Its rotting teeth from biting into the flesh on my face. “Daryl! Daryl, damnit wake the fuck up!” I brought my other arm up and pressed it against its throat. The walker was a lot bigger than me and heavier. My arms were starting to shake from the pressure it was putting in them. Its teeth snapped inches from my face.

I closed my eyes getting ready for the white hot pain of my flesh being ripped from my body. But it never happened. The walker was pulled off of me and Daryl was standing over me, crossbow in one hand, the arrow missing from his side, and his free hand outstretched towards me. I let out a sigh of relief and took his hand, letting him help me up. “Ya alright? Didn't bite ya did it?” I shook my head and looked down at the walker. “Thanks.” I brushed myself off then pointed to his side. “You shouldn't have taken that out, but I understand why you had to.”

I walked closer to him and reached my hand out towards his shirt, but didn't touch him. “May I look at it?” I asked. “I just want to see how bad it is.” He chewed on his bottom lip and lightly nodded his head. With shaky hands I grabbed the bottom of his soaked flannel and lifted it until I saw the wound. “Definitely gonna need stitches. We need to keep pressure on it until we get back to the farm.” I looked at the exit wound on his back but didn't lift his shirt up past that. I knew about the scars and I know how uncomfortable they made Daryl feel when people saw them. So I just took a quick look and let his shirt fall back down.

After making sure that we had something wrapped around his wound And he ate a raw squirrel, we made our way up the steep embankment again. It was rough and took us a while but we finally made it. When we got to the top Daryl yelled something to someone that wasn't even there. “Are you okay? I know you hit your head but I didn't think it was that hard.” mad grumbled something under his breath and we continued our way back to the farm.

“Finally!” I sighed as we came out of the woods. At this point Daryl was dragging his crossbow and I was a few feet behind him. We were both so exhausted we could barely keep going. The farm was in view though and that made me fucking happy because fuck that horse and fuck those woods.

I could see people running towards us and then a gunshot went off. Daryl fell to the ground and something pierced my shoulder, knocking me back. “Fuck! What the fuck!” I screamed, pressing my hand to my shoulder. Someone just fucking shot me! “No! No!” Rick screamed where he was by Darylal"Who the fuck just shot me?!” I yelled. Glenn was rushing over to me and helped me up.

We headed across the farm and Andrea came running towards us. “Oh, my God is he okay?” She asked. “He's fine. We need to get him to Hershel, same with yn,” Rick told her. She looked at me, her eyes wide. “oh God, yn, i'm so sorry.” She gasped and stumbled back when my right fist met her left cheekbone. “Fucking bitch!”

“Hey, isn't this Sophia's?” We turned to see T-dog holding up Sophia's doll.

[chiaraanatra]

You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' | Part 2

Summary: Goose meets you at the Miramar Officers’ Club and after a drink and a brief conversation he wished would never end he believes that he’ll never see you again. Little did he know while this may have been your first meeting, it would not be your last.

Warning: Swearing, boys being stupid, me knowing nothing about how radar works, Goose having some suggestive thoughts

Word Count: 2k

A/N: Goose is a leg man I will not be taking any questions on the matter. We are all imagining that Carol is living her best life somewhere far from San Diego. I love her and Goose and refuse to kill her off or have either one of them go through a divorce. Sorry not sorry to Bradley for wiping your existence from this fictional plane. Also I know nothing about planes, aviation, engineering, or the Navy, I'm just a Goose girly at heart.

《 part 1 || part 3 || part 4 || epilogue 》 《 m.list || ao3 》

Maverick and Goose stood stiff as boards against one of the joint naval offices. Goose could feel himself sweating through his khaki uniform as he listened to an irate Air Boss Johnson scream at Commander Mike ‘Viper’ Metcalf. “One of your snot-nosed jockeys did a flyby on my tower at over 400 knots! I want somebody's butt! I want it now! I've had it!”

Johnson burst through the office doors just in time to knock into a Navy boy carrying a tray of coffee. “God damn it! That's twice! I want some butts!” He screamed as he made his way down the hall.

Viper and Jester emerged from the office. Viper let out a sigh, “Well, that'll just about cover the flybys.”

Lieutenant Commander Heatherly looked over at the boys, “Follow me.”

The walk down the hall felt like miles. Nick was used to Pete’s antics, they had been flying together for years, but sometimes it felt like Mav didn’t understand what was really at stake with all this. Goose needed this, not the Top Gun trophy, if Nick was honest, he could give a fuck about the trophy, but if this went south, the two could get kicked out of Top Gun, or worse, lose their wings and be grounded.

The four walked into Commander Metcalf’s office. Metcalf grabbed a manila folder from his desk, before standing to look out his office window. Mav and Goose stood at attention in front of the commander’s desk mentally preparing for the ass-chewing they were about to receive.

“Gentlemen, you had a hell of a first day.” Viper glanced out his office window. “The hard deck for this hop was 10,000 feet. You knew it, you broke it. You followed Commander Heatherly below after he lost sight of you and called ‘no joy.’ Why?” Viper’s voice was steady and calm, too calm for Goose’s liking.

“Sir!” Mav looked straight ahead, “I had Commander Heatherly in my sights. He saw me move in for the kill. He then proceeded below the hard deck. We weren't below 10,000 for more than a few seconds. I had the shot, there was no danger, so I took it.”

God damn it, Mav…

Commander Metcalf turned towards the boys. “You took it... and broke a major rule of engagement!” The rise in his voice made Goose want to curl up and die as he watches the commander walk towards them. “Then you broke another one with that circus stunt flyby.” Viper let out a sigh as he looked back out his office window. “Lieutenant Mitchell... Top Gun rules exist for your safety and that of your team. They are not flexible, nor am l. Either obey them, or you are history. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir!” Stated Mav, his eyes remaining focused on the window in front of him.

Metcalf took the seat in front of his desk before dismissing the young aviators.

Goose followed closely behind Maverick, closing the Commander’s office door after him. He let his hand come down a bit harder than he might have intended on the shorter pilot’s shoulder, “I really enjoyed that, Mav. Thanks a lot.” He leaned up against the wall, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Holy shit! Maybe I could learn how to be a truck driver.” He dropped his hands and looked back at Pete. “You have the number of that driving school on TV? Truck Master, I think it is. I might need that…”

Before he could spiral any further, he was brought out of his thoughts by a voice as sweet as honey. “Lieutenant.”

The two men turned to look down the hall. Goose was greeted by a beautiful sight. His eyes widened as he took in your form, making their way from your heels that clicked on the tile floor to your stocking-clad legs that went on for miles. When they made their way to the first of your outfit, Goose couldn’t help but wish your skirt was a little shorter and there was one less button done on your blouse.

Goose shut his eyes and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Get it together, she’s your instructor!

As you came closer to the two-man Maverick turned to his RIO. “Okay, well,” he dusted off the shoulders of Goose’s khaki uniform. “Don’t be nervous. You look great, dear.”

“Thanks, honey.” Goose turned to you as Maverick made his way down the hall.

You couldn’t help but smile at the interaction. But quickly regained your professional composure. “That pilot of yours is quite the troublemaker. I could hear Johnson yelling from my office down the hall.”

“Mav’s not one to think before he acts. It’s bitten me in the ass more times than I would like to admit.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about his hotshot antics. Charlie was annoyed, to say the least, after finding out that the two of you were the famous MIG insulter. Then again, judging by the back and forth with Charlie this morning, you seem to enjoy yourself at times.

“Oh, you heard all that...?” Goose looked down at his boots gently taping his foot.

“Bits and pieces to say the least,” You notice him looking everywhere but you. “Look, Charlie and I are instructors, we see 20 new hotshots every eight weeks.” If you were being honest you weren’t completely sure what you were saying. You are his instructor the last thing you should be thinking about is flirting with one of your students, let alone thinking about how good he looks in that khaki uniform. “That being said…”

Goose couldn’t bring himself to look up from his boots, it may have been disrespectful in some right, but he wasn’t sure where to look at this felt like the safest bet. His thoughts were running a mile a minute. Here it comes. Yeah, we can forget all about last night and I promise to think only wholesome thoughts when looking at you-

“I would love to see that MiG polaroid sometime.” You smiled up as the taller man finally met your gaze. You swear you could fall for those amber eyes even though you both knew that could never happen.

Goose smiled at your comment. “I’ll admit if this top gun thing doesn’t work out, I could always fall on photography as a backup,” he joked.

“Don’t forget your singing career. With that, you’re practically a triple threat, Lieutenant.

“Please, call me Nick. At least in casual conversation.”

“Are you anticipating more casual conversations with me Lieutenant?” Before he could answer you looked down at your watch noticing the time. “Well, Nick I should get going. I’m sure I will be seeing you.”

The way his name fell from your lips was heavenly. Unfortunately, before he could form a cohesive sentence you were already making your way down the hall.

The next day the Pilots and RIOs were split, with pilots going with Charlie to discuss the maneuvering capabilities of the F-18 and RIOs going with you to discuss radar systems and running hypotheticals drills.

You were leaning on the desk in front and center of the small lecture-style room. You could hear the ROIs down the hall before they made their entrance into the room. Marcus ‘Sundown’ Williams, Leonard ‘Wolfman’ Wolfe, Ron "Slider" Kerner, and Nick ‘Goose’ Bradshaw. The boys took their seats as you began.

Goose couldn’t help but stare at you as you began talking about radar systems that he knew like the back of his hand. He listened to you talk about the F14’s APG-65 system and its uses. He couldn’t deny that you knew what you were talking about, he could tell that this introduction was to spell that out to the others. He thought about how often people might not take you as seriously as they might a man in your same position and how the thought of someone disrespecting you ticked him off.

“-but you all knew that.” Your pause brought Nick out of his thoughts to focus back on your lecture. “To an extent, a raid assessment allows radar separation of closely spaced targets. While these are advanced systems, and ones far better than what we were using 3 years ago, they are not perfect. If a second MiG is flying close enough below the first, the APG won’t be able to detect the second aircraft until it has diverged from its partner.” You paused for a moment to glance at Goose. “I’m sure some of you have seen this firsthand.” You tried not to maintain eye contact with Goose for too long, however, his eyes never left your form.

Your lecture came to a close. You stood at the head of the desk gathering some files. You hadn’t noticed that someone had stayed behind until you heard a voice from behind you. “You really know your stuff.” Goose was leaning against the railing in front of the first row of lecture seating.

“I sure hope so, I was told I was hired for that very reason.” You said with a smile before turning to face the tall aviator. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Goose looked down at his boots before looking back up to meet your gaze, “I wanted to ask, why didn’t you tell me who you were the other night.”

“I remember telling you my name. However, I may have left out the Top Gun instructor part.” You leaned against the desk and watched as Nick made his way close to you.

“A small detail. I can see how it could be overlooked.” He joked. He stopped just in of you, watching you look up at him. He couldn’t help as less-than-appropriate thoughts wandered into his mind. He shouldn’t be flirting with you, but you weren’t exactly making any attempts to stop him.

“A small oversight.” You could feel your heartbeat quicken slightly. You bite your cheek in an attempt to subdue the smile that was attempting to make its way across your lips. You couldn’t deny that Nick Bradshaw was a handsome man. His dirty blonde hair, his amber eyes, his voice that you knew could make any woman melt.

“I’ll be honest… I’m very tempted to ask you to dinner.”

Your eyes left his as you scribbled something on a piece of paper, “I usually make it a point to not date my students, Lieutenant.”

For a moment Nick thought he had crashed and burned, but then your words hit him, “usually?”

You folded the quarter sheet of paper twice, “usually.” You smile up at him before standing and gathering your things. Before making your exit, you placed the small note into his breast pocket, taping it lightly.

Nick watched as you exited the room. As clique as it was, he hated to see you go but couldn’t complain about watching you leave. When you were out the door he quickly grabbed the note out of his pocket

Dinner tonight 6:00 102 Laurel Beach Don’t be late!

“Holy shit…” Goose looked at his watch, it was 3:30 now. He grabbed his jacket and ran out into the hallway only to be met with Mav and Ice having a dick-measuring contest just down the hall. “Mav!” he waved his pilot down.

“Might want to run along to mother Goose,” Ice laughs.

“Yeah, I’m sure you have to find Slider and make sure he’s not lost in the hangar again.” Mav flashed the taller pilot a smile before making his way down the hall to his RIO.

“You never gonna believe this,” he hands Mav the note.

Mav looks at the note, “wow, Goose, your handwriting has improved. But you didn’t have to write me a note to get me to go to dinner with you.”

Goose let out a fake laugh placing his hand over his heart, “haha! Oh, Mav, you kill me!” He snatches the note out of the shorter man’s hands. “It’s from Stinger.”

“Bullshit!”

Nick held up three fingers, “scouts honor!”

Mav looked at his watch, “You better get going. You definitely need a shower. Also please don’t wear one of your stupid Hawaiian shirts…”

“What? Ladies love my Hawaiian shirts!”

“Sure, they do.” Mav rolled his eyes watching his friend practically run down the hallway. “And use protection!” He yells.

Goose turns to run backward and flashes a middle finger and a smile to Mav before making his way out of the building.

Part 3

Taglist: @luckyladycreator2 & @saturnsbabe69

As always, feedback, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!𝑊𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎 𝑏𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑔𝑒𝑑? 𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 💜

[soobberries]

Bf!Jake // ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏 * .♡ *:･ﾟ✧

Some random headcanons I wrote in one sitting after seeing a cute Jake gifset and getting in my minor feels. He's not even my bias help me-

Nothing explicit, just some suggestive things here and there but it's like barely there so it's a pretty safe read!

Let me know if I should make a full blown Jake fic or just a full blown headcanon 🥺 ‎♡

Boyfriend Jake who you have giggle fits after just glancing at each other from across the room due to the same braincell activating, or giggle fits at 3am and both of you trying to shush the other saying you're too loud and proceeding to laugh harder.

Boyfriend Jake that bites his lip as he looks you up and down before going out to an event, absolute stars in his eyes. Stumbling as he utters out how amazing you look, his eyes showing how they're both wholesome and very much not wholesome thoughts going through his head right now, but instead of trying to speak he just picks your hand and maybe kisses it before intertwining your fingers, with a wide grin on his face knowing your his.

Boyfriend Jake that will go out of his way to bug you or mess with you because he thinks it's cute when you whine at him or get upset. Only if you seem like your on the edge will he chuckle and kiss your cheek saying woops, or otherwise hugging you tightly with a 'I'm sorry baby~^^'. He has a shit eating grin when he's messing with you too. And he will happily say 'alright I'll stop [blank] if you kiss me?'

Boyfriend Jake that sees you shaking your leg, biting at your nails or lip, picking skin, or literally any nervous type of tic you may have, and he gently places his hand wherever he sees fit (on your leg or in your hand or on your cheek) either leaving it at that to calm you down or he asks you if you're okay, or need anything.

Boyfriend Jake laughing when you don't know something but patiently going through the topic so you understand it and is so attentive to your questions and won't stop till you're certain you got it or are comfortable.

Boyfriend Jake who sets up the most Netflix romcoms esc dates. Having a date in the back of a truck or in the boot of the car where he hung up fairy lights and messily threw some blankets, saying he ordered some food but for now he brought snacks (chocolate strawberries or smth). Candle lit dinners or baths. Dancing in the living room after watching a silly movie. A beach date where he definitely accidently got sand in a sandwich. (no pun intended).

Boyfriend Jake who's laugh is so boyish it transports you back to the free feeling of being a kid and brings you the most bursting joy in your chest. Bring out the child in you because you're able to feel so safe around him.

Boyfriend Jake accidently forgetting an important date but has the most heartfelt ways of apologising or making up for it, not stopping until you're alright again. Proceeds to label ever date for the foreseeable future afterwards too.

Boyfriend Jake who stares at you intently at events or parties, blatantly undressing you and losing interest in the conversation he's currently in. Not bothering to excuse himself from the conversation with a friend (probably receiving an eye roll from the other person) only going straight to you and wrapping his arm around your waist and even in front of people would with no shame be 'hi (any pet name he feels like or nickname), did you know you look dazzling tonight?' or something cheesy like that and even if you're in a convo he either asks to steal you away or if you're very occupied he'll lean his head down into you while he waits, or he'll back hug you, nuzzling his head in your neck, sometimes discreetly placing kisses on skin he has access to, maybe even a bite if he wants.

Boyfriend Jake who always tries his best to accommodate your friends and give off a good impression to anyone you trust to introduce him to. He will be doing his absolute most to show how well he's taking care of you and how you're in capable safe hands and he'd also show how he mutually leans on you.

Boyfriend Jake that would try and get to you as soon as he can if you call him after a nightmare or during a breakdown, fighting for his damn life to see you and be there for you. Will lose sleep if necessary.

Boyfriend Jake who remembers you saying you like a certain snack and buying it for when he next sees you if he can.

Boyfriend Jake who sometimes writes things down about you so he never forgets.

Boyfriend Jake who gets you matching charms or bracelets or rings... Literally anything.

Boyfriend Jake who if he has a lot of free time with you, will spend his time hugging and cuddling with you from behind regardless of what you're doing. If you're playing games, studying, working, cooking, literally anything. He's being a koala bear and just shoving his face in your neck, maybe even falls asleep but is just happy to hold you.

Boyfriend Jake who has you laying on his lap, and when you smile up at him, arrows hit his heart and he has a grin that hurts his cheeks just at the sight of you.

He's such a hopeless romantic bye.

He is the second lead in dramas and movies and you always root for them or somehow wish they were endgame. HE'S THAT GUY. he's always second place but takes place in everyone else's hearts as first. He is textbook boy next door in the best way and he's just... Idk he's so lovely bye.

[supernovafics]

✧∘ଂ ࿐ ཾ 𝑳𝑬𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑭𝑰𝑽𝑬. ✭・.・✫・゜・。.

pairing: ex-bestfriend!steve x fem!reader

word count: 543 words

warnings: explicit language

series masterlist | last part — next part

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

❝ 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒚 '𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒖𝒑, '𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒖𝒔. ❞

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Dear Steve,

This may not make a ton of sense, but the hardest part about me realizing that our friendship was over was me finally accepting that fact. 

Because before I accepted it, there was still a small sliver of hope that lingered inside of me. 

Hope that we could be us again.  

Everyone says that breakups are hard but I honestly think that friendship breakups are harder. Because we were such big parts of each other’s lives that going from that to nothing was so weird and felt so wrong too.

I want you to know, though, that you were never “nothing” to me. You were (and still are) always something. Even if it’s now just a person from my past. 

Although we never talked, I found myself thinking and wondering about you so often, especially after your dad’s party. Since that night was when I knew things were over for good, for some reason, my mind couldn’t help but find you in the most random of things and circle back to you at the most random of times. 

I actually had to fight the urge to call you so many times, and instead, I would just ask my mom how you were doing since she still always talked to yours. 

I still wanted to know everything that was happening with you, even though I didn’t have the courage to hear it straight from you. 

Somehow, also through my mom, I heard about all of the weird shit that was happening in Hawkins. Like, the random mall fire that happened last year. And also now this insane earthquake that just happened, which was actually all over the news too. 

When I saw that, and after staring at the television in shock for a solid ten minutes, I dialed your number five times before hanging up each time before it even began ringing. And, instead, I called my mom. (and then proceeded to happily cry when she told me that you and your parents were okay)

A part of me kept telling myself that I didn’t deserve to reach out to you because of how badly I fucked things up between us, but then the other part of me told me that I was overthinking things too much and that maybe you actually would want to hear from me. But, I was still too much of a coward to call you. 

Which is another reason why I’m writing you these letters, instead of calling you right now. 

Because hearing about that earthquake finally put everything into perspective for me. Even though we aren’t in each other’s lives anymore, the thought of you truly being gone, of truly losing you for good, hurt me so fucking bad. And then the thought of losing you and knowing that the last words I spoke to you were during a conversation that was horrifically awkward only hurt so much more. 

However, it still doesn’t feel right to call you without finally addressing and having closure from everything else that happened. And maybe that sounds stupid, but for some reason, my mind can’t let me move forward without first looking backward. Does that make sense? (probably not)

Anyway, I know you’re okay though, which is all that matters. 

Sincerely, 

Y/N

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

next part

[multifictionx]

Bulnoriya - OT8

Chapter One

The Crash

"No! Damnit, right now?!"

The beeping red light blinds me as the alarm blares in my ears. And I listen as the ship rumbles, watching as the gray smoke clouds erupt from the raggity old piece of garbage, through the side mirror. But that's not even the most frustrating coincidence about this whole ordeal. Because faintly through the thick smoke, I catch sight of an all to familiar ship. The big ship is hot on my trail, and just when I thought this night couldn't possibly get any worse. "Come on Y/n..your just making it harder on yourself." The old man's annoying voice suddenly can be heard through the intercoms. "You and I both know if i don't catch you, the Nicrim will -" He pauses as if thinking for a moment before he continues. "I'd be fucking rich if i catch you though. Ha- "

"Damn- you just love the sound of your own voice, don't you, old man? I don't give a damn about some bounty.. Do you know even who I am?"

I cut the dirty old bastard off, already having zero patience. If I didn't have to abandon my real ship for this cheap piece of shit this wouldn't be happening. "Always so sassy, ha! You will never change-- Anyway, we can do this the easy way... or the hard way.." The man's voice no longer feigning playfulness. "Fuck you old man..I'd love to stay and beat your ass but my time is precious."

I cut the intercoms off before the man could continue speaking any longer. Soon after I feel the power of the ships shots firing near my ship. Luckily they haven't hit me yet. "Shit what do I do? What do I do?! Okay--"? I take a deep breath in and out.. before proceeding to pull up navigation. Deciding I'm going to use the last bit of life this ship has to warp to the closest planet. But pulling up the navigation I'm hit with a beam making me accidentally hit the warp button before I could see what planet it was.

The old ship is hit with the most ruthless turbulence upon entry of this planet. And I wonder how it still miraculously has stayed in one piece. The planet rumbles with the sound of a horrible storm, and as I look out the front window. Im horrified to see a storm of total chaos... one like I've never seen before... the ship moves sporadically, and I feel as though I've been caught in a tornado of some sort. And it takes one particularly harsh jerk of the ship for me to hit my head so hard on the side of the chair, losing unconsciousness.

...

"Arggh" the abrupt sound of some very loud thunder stirs me awake. And as I try to open my eyes, a pounding unparalleled to any I've experienced forces a wince out of me. It feels like every nerve in my body has been set a flame. The smoke in my lungs barely leaves room for air. Wheezing is all I can manage, and even then, it hurts like hell. The way the ship crashed has my seat sideways, so unbuckling my seat belt makes me drop like dead weight.

"Fuck.."

I curse upon impact with the hard ship, and I'm hoping the cracks I heard weren't my ribs, but the pain is screaming otherwise. Regardless of the tremendous struggle and pain It took me, just to make it to the ships door. I pulled through and made it out of the ship.

"Holy shit..."

It's barely lit outside with the sun setting. The rain doesn't help me to see in the slightest, and it's quite heavy on this planet. It practically feels like the metaphor 'raining cats and dogs' is an understatement. When my eyes adjust from the rain and dullness, I'm alarmed to find..the remains of multiple ships..like some kind of ship graveyard.

Some planets have a serious reputation, but there's only one planet I know this many ships have traversed to, only to never be seen again. That planet is Bulnoriya...

 

Before the Crash

Seriously how the fuck did they find me?! The big armored men ravage my ship in rage. As I watch from slightly afar, my anger grows, watching them tear my baby apart. They are clearly bat shit crazy if they think they're going to walk away from this alive..

Scoping the area, I smirk, when I spot the old piece of junk there riding in. Occupied by their, apparently lousy driver, sleep in his chair. I creep over sneaking on the ship so gracefully I had to chuckle quietly. Preceeding to strike the already unconscious man in a pressure point that will keep him unconscious. Then, I decided not to kill him by keeping him hostage just to let him out in space to suffer a horrific death. But to instead drag him out the ship and tie him up somewhere for at least one of his buddies to find him. After I beat their asses to a pulp. Once I've successfully secured my escape, I made my way back towards the bastards destroying my ship. "Where is she!" The Reptilian man hisses out in rage. "I'm not sure. Who you looking for?" I interrupted with an unamused tone while occupying myself with my cuticles. "Wha-" before the big buffoon could speak, I lunged at him, punching him clean in the throat. He starts choking, and his members start noticing me as well. "That's her! Get that bitch!" Another Reptilian hisses out, and you see one thing about me.. I don't like being called a bitch. "Ya momma," I glared at the ugly ass before throwing a hand knife so fast he had no time to react. The knife sits right in his voice box now. "Aww, look at you.." I cup a hand around my ear, pretending to try and listen. "what was that? Sorry I can't hear you over the gurgling." I coo out sarcastically as the last member looks at me terrified. I buck at him suddenly. "Ah, sorry!" He is running away back their ship like a bitch. I cackle loudly before grabbing my handknife out of his members' throat. Quickly making work of the other member, stabbing him right in the skull, before chasing after him. "Where do you think you're going! The fun was just getting started!" I snicker out, right on his tail. Before he could get too far, my knife pierced his right shoulder as I jumped on his back. Successfully pinning the Reptilian to the ground as he cries out in pain. I lift his head to whisper in his ear, "Should've left my ship alone... you're lucky I'm going to leave you alive. Now, don't follow me. Your ship is mine now." I drop his head hard, getting up off his back. To then take my time walking towards the ship. I start the ship without a hassle before taking off because obviously I can't hide out here anymore.

Present

I'm starting to think that possibly I am meant to die because of all places.. Bulnoriya?! My mind is going haywire, and I start to feel myself begin to panic for the first time in forever. I hold my ribs in pain as I slowly walk away from the ship reluctantly, out of fear it might explode anytime now. The smoke is still leaving my lungs as I cough up smoke. Groaning at the immense pain, it causes to shoot through my body. Ignoring the pain as much as possible, I proceed to search my surroundings for anything to take shelter in. I spot the beginning of a forest near by, the trees are the biggest I've ever seen. And even though I'm terrified to be on this planet right now.. it's breathtakingly beautiful. I slowly drag my feet in the direction of said forest. In hopes that maybe I can find somewhere safe to rest. I continuously cough up smoke as I walk. The pain of walking along with coughing is almost unbearable, but I keep telling myself I've been through worse. But those words prove to be inaccurate because I'm so close to the forest. Yet I feel my body rapidly weakening, and my eyelids grow heavy. Then the dragging becomes staggering, and I feel my breaths becoming shallow. Then everything goes dark..

...

I awake to the feeling of motion, and my head is still pounding. Though, when I go to reach for my head. I find myself not able to move. My eyes shoot open as I struggle against the bonds. In my panic, I observe where I am. I'm being dragged on a giant leaf of some sort, by 6 foot tall..humans? "Mmph" fuck even my mouth is taped.. My sudden noise gets the attention of all three of the men. But they only look at me for a split second, continuing to drag me. What the hell have I gotten myself into?! My heart starts to race uncontrollably beginning to pass out again.

...

Waking up for the third time in such a short period of time. Proves to have taken a toll on my body. Here I am, my mind awake before my body. I can hear everything but no matter how hard I try I can't move. The sound of someone shuffling around by me is all I hear. Then I can feel hands start to touch me, but I have no clue what they're doing. Literally not even a few moments pass when I jolt awake. Only to instantly regret it with a cry of pain. "Fuck!.." I curse out whilst frantically inspecting my surroundings. "Hey! Lay back! You'll mess up the bandage I just did!" The unfamiliar man raises his voice in clear annoyance. "I don't have much of a choice do I?" I snap back with a glare, proceeding to do as the man says with an attitude. "Who are you? Where the hell am I?" I don't really ask it's more like I demand answers. "I'm not obligated to tell you that ma'am. Just sit back and relax while the serum heals your wound." The man grunts out, occupied by some other task. "The hell do you mean 'not obligated'? The last thing I remember I was being dragged by 6 foot giants and I can't even atleast know where I've been taken?" I argue desperately to get some kind of answer. Speaking of giants.. why are all these motherfuckers so tall?  I start to think to myself after noticing the height of the man infront of me. "You heard me. Now relax I'll be back in a while." The man states simply before leaving the room. I curse in anger at the man as he leaves. Now what the fuck am I supposed to do..?  Now that I actually stop and look where I am. I notice this place looks expensive.. Like royalty expensive. There is gold everywhere, lining the walls, paintings, flower vases, even the tools on this man's surgical table are made of gold. Holy shit.. This place is nice. I can't help but think to myself. But before I can continue to gawk at the place. I'm screaming in agony. The pain from my ribs suddenly grows unbearable. The man from earlier comes rushing back in and puts something in my month to clench down on. "Calm down. You'll feel so much better in just a moment. The serum is fixing your ribs." I can't help the tears that flow down my cheeks. Along with the strong grasp I've got on the mans forearm, as I sob in pain. "Shush.. shush.." The man gently brushes my hair, trying his best to calm me down.  And I look at him through wet lashes and blurry vision before.. it's gone. The pain is completely gone. Loosening my grip, I shut my eyes in relief, and my labored breathing starts to slowly stabilize. "How are you feeling now?" The man asks sweetly whilst removing the thing from my mouth. "So much better.." I stretch my jaw as I speak, gazing at the man with gratitude. "Good because the kings demand your presence. You are to explain to them why you've landed on our planet. If you lie, they will know if they don't like your answer.. well, both outcomes lead to death." The man's sweet tone is gone replaced with professionalism. My eyes widen, and I have so many questions just at the tip of my tongue. Yet they go left unsaid, as two guards make their way inside. They don't speak as they each take an arm, practically dragging me away. I don't panic in the slightest, as I really could care less what happens to me at this point. I let them drag me through, seemingly never-ending halls. Till we arrive in front of a set of grand doors. The guards give a knock, and the doors slowly open on their own. The room is huge, with a carpet leading to eight throwns. I start to panic now, not giving a fuck is not working anymore. The guards drop me, forcing me to bow before their kings.

"You may leave." I hear a voice speak before, but I don't raise my head to see who. Hearing their steps dissipate is agonizing, and I feel my pulse spike once I hear the giant doors close. "Who are you? Why have you come here?" A deep voice is heard after a brief silence. "Y/n-Raise your head when spoken to!" The same deep voice cuts me off, and I wince at the booming volume. Slowly, I raise my head only to gasp quietly. The men before me are... beautiful yet look so fierce. "My name is Y/n, and I didn't land here by choice. I crash-landed here by mistake." I state simply feeling no need to further my explanation. My tone is emotionless. "What were you running from to crash land here by mistake?" A different voice speaks up. "The Nicrim." Another simple reply. "What do the Nicrim want a simple girl for?" I ponder briefly on how I should explain that I am no simple girl. "Because I was once the Commander and Cheif of their army. They want me back to do their dirty work." I tilt my head with the slightest bit of attitude. "Commander and Cheif? A little girl like you. Mm, how interesting." My face scrunched in distaste. "This girl may be little, but I could take out your whole army." I spit back as I stand to my feet, no longer in a pliant mood. "I truly doubt that, but you've got grit though I'll give that." The man in the middle says with lifted eyebrows, amusement clear in his timbre. "It doesn't matter if you doubt me. My reputation proceeds me." I challenge already bored with this whole interaction. "And our reputation proceeds us. What makes you think you're any different?" They are pretty much laughing in my face at this point. My aggravation is reaching a boiling point. "How about let's make a deal then.." I start to smile menacingly, with the plan in mind. "We're listening." It's seems to me I'm amusing them too much. It's really pissing me off. "Ten of your best warriors vs me, if I get them to the floor, I win, you give me a ship, and I leave. If they can get me to the floor they win, and you choose my fate." My eyebrows raise in question as they ponder upon the choices I've laid on the table.

"Deal," the man in the middle finally says a devilish smirk gracing his features. Silence falls upon us, and I become confused.

"Are you going to call-," I don't get to finish before the grand doors are opened once more. The men enter forming a wide circle, ten in total. How tf? They didn't even say anything.. "Well, are you going to do anything? You've been staring off into space for like five minutes already." There they go laughing at me again. My anger has peaked, and I don't reply. Advancing towards the circle. They look just as fierce as their kings. "Well, let's put on a real show, shall we." I chuckle at the men. I assume they take that as me saying I'm ready. Because two men charge me at once. The one on the right is closer, so I wait for him to get just a little closer. As soon as that moment comes, I drop like dead weight. Sliding through the mans open legs, I manage to swipe his feet from under him. The other man is hot on his trail, my eyes turn gold, and I use my power of vibration to launch myself in the air. Going right through the mans arms to which he tries to grab me in his surprised state. Wrapping my legs around the man's neck, I forcefully fall back with all my power. Flipping the man whilst landing on my feet, the man's head between my legs. By this time, three others pounce at me. I maneuver to the side last minute. Using my sound vibrations I fly around them, taking them both out as I dropped landing on their heads.  Sending them tumbling to the ground, now standing on their heads. The third one tried to sneak me from behind. Didn't work out for him, though. Doing a windmill backflip my foot connects with his jaw. Making him fall back with a painful groan. Taunting the last five, with a feigned pout before I begin to cackle loudly. I'm having too much fun. "You all should probably come at me all together.. you at least won't get your asses beat too bad." Who's laughing now bitches. Using my a series of complex vibrations, I am able to form a staff. "Let's see what you've got."

...

In the end, I stand victorious. The men are either on the ground or waiting for further instruction, it seems. That is until they all get up, leaving simultaneously. "Looks like I've won." I grin as I draw near the kings. They don't seem upset, but they don't seem happy either for some unknown reason. "Seems so..though we don't intend on letting you go." The man in the middle has an unreadable expression. "What!? The fuck do you mean, we had a deal!" My attitude does a whole 360. Rage coursing through my veins. "That's was until you showed us your unique powers.. I now see why the Nicrim wants you so bad. You're their only hope of overthrowing us and taking our planet for their own. You see, the Nicrim has been trying for decades to overtake Bulnoriya. The only time they were somewhat close was under the lead of someone named The Viperous... We've heard a lot about you, Viperous." This was a setup..fuck! My eyes start to glow, and I begin to levitate, immediately making a break for the ginormous window panel. I almost made it before a harsh pull immobilized me mid-air. What the fuck? My body begins to turn up right, and I'm forced to turn around to face the kings once more. The one in the middle now stands, a purple glow now replaces his once brown eyes. And his hand is engulfed in the same purple glow. He sports the same devilish smirk from just before the fight. Oh, how I wish to smack it off his annoyingly handsome face right about now. "Where do you think you're going, little one?" He asks smugly but I don't get to say anything in return. A sharp pinch in my neck is all I feel. "You bastards.." Then my vision goes blurry as I begin to lose consciousness.

[smutmakesmesmile]

MY SWEETS ITS TIME

I have finally written another smut fic! It features Lila from Spooky Month:). I’ll put the link here in case you’d rather read it on Ao3, but if you don’t the tags/fic is below!

18+ ONLY

Spooky Month=Spooky S3x

Tags: Soft Dom Lila, Sub Reader, Multiple O, D1ldos, V1brators, Strap ons, Oral s3x, Genderless/Trans Guy Reader, Mommy kink, Dry O, Praise k1nk, P3gging, No Beta we die like Dexter

Your body felt as live as an electric wire, your hole being fucked by Lila’s long pink strap on. Your eyes rolled back as she hit that titillating spot deep inside. She giggles as she watches you come undone, cooing, “Aww, you look so good like this, my love…all hot and bothered.”

You whimper at the praise, the pleasure starting to build. She gives you a kiss and then reaches for her phone, adjusting the settings on her vibrator, letting out a pleasured sigh as it was ratcheted up a level. In turn, she shoved her pink cock in deeper, harder.

“Oh god! Lila! Please! Let me come, please,” You simpered.

“Don’t you remember? No cumming till I do. Okay sweetheart?” She reminds you.

You nod, biting back a whimper. Maybe you could hold off a bit more? She was sure taking her time, but you wanted to be good for her. You could hear her moan quietly, which unfortunately just fueled your stimulation. Desperately gripping at the sheets, you will yourself not to cum. But that cock…it was practically rearranging your organs the way she used the devilish thing. Whimpers of desperation escaped your lips and you quickly lost yourself in the overwhelming stimulation. Again, you plead with her, painting a picture of how urgent your overwhelming pleasure was.

You eked out a, “Lila, Lila please! I’m so close! Please, I swear I’m going to lose my mind if you don’t let me cum!”

She just lightly kissed your neck with feather light kisses, “Don’t you dare. If you do I’ll tie you up and make you watch me fuck myself till you learn your lesson.”

A pitiful noise escapes your lips as the dildo drags against your walls, your will to hold back dangling by a thread. You writhed around, the slickness of your walls making the whole experience even more tantalizing. You couldn’t help but flush as Lila sweetly moaned in your ear, her voice sweet as syrup, “You’re sound so wet, baby. I love it when you’re dripping for me. You’re being so good for me…”

With that, she gave a particularly deep thrust, causing you to unravel. Tears stream down your face as you cum hard, soaking the bed sheets. All movement from Lila stopped.

“Love…did you just cum?”

You froze, shit. No, no, no, no, no! When you don’t reply, she repeats herself, “Baby, answer me please. Did you just cum?”

Meekly, you whisper, “Yes.”

She sighs, “You know what happens now, don’t you? Poor baby, now I’ve got to tie you up!”

Gently, she pulls out as you simper and whine. You could feel your hole clenching around nothing now, feeling woefully empty. Fetching a rope, she sat you up and tied your hands behind your back. All you could do was watch helplessly as she followed up on her promise, tying your hands and then proceeding to undo the straps of the harness. She hummed as she popped her vibrator out. Selecting her favorite dildo, she coaxed your mouth open.

“Open up your mouth for me.” She gently commanded.

Obedient as ever, you did.

She smiled, pushing the dildo into your mouth, “Now suck. Get it nice and slicked up for Mommy.”

You closed your mouth and began sucking. She blessed you with small praises as you slurped and gagged a bit on it. Swirling your tongue, you could feel the small vein like ridges on it. The sensation of the heavy fake cock in your mouth started to reinvigorate your desire. Drool pooled in your mouth, spilling out the corner as you suckled. Right as you were losing yourself in the motions, she pulled it from your mouth.

Lila settled at the end of the bed opposite of you, “Now, since my baby was disobedient, Mommy is going to fuck herself till she cums.”

You protest until she starts putting the now spit-soaked dildo in. She briefly held her breath as she felt her cunt stretch around the tip, groaning as it popped in. And so she started, slick sounds filling your ears as she pulled the dick in and out.

Her eyes fluttered as she groaned, “Oooh, this cock feels so good. So big.”

You fruitlessly grinded against the air as you could see a clear view of the dildo in her pussy. Desperately, you wished that it was you that the dildo was fucking. She giggled as she sighed, she could see how desperate you were again. She flipped onto all fours and bent over, glistening pussy in clear view. Teasingly, she slowly fucked it into her, hearing your sounds on frustration. She couldn’t help herself anymore, as much as she loved teasing you, she couldn’t hold back the buzzing under her skin. Her orgasm was so close. And so she slammed the thick member deep into her again and again, punched out noises escaping her as pleasure mounted. You couldn’t help but hump the air as she came. Her pussy was so pretty stretched around that cock and you desperately wished you were on the other end of it. Your head tilted back as you felt another orgasm ripple through your body. Surprisingly, you could feel that there was no cum dripping down your thighs. You heard her chuckle.

“Aww, my baby must’ve been so worked up! You’re so cute when you look so fucked out.”

You happily cooed at the praise. She gingerly pulled the dildo out and set it aside. Climbing up the bed, she untied your hands.

“I think it’s time to clean me up. Would my baby like to help?”

You nodded enthusiastically and she positioned herself above your face. You could see how pink and puffy her lips were from fucking herself. You licked your lips in anticipation. Holding onto the bed frame, she lowered herself down.

“Eat up, sweet heart.”

Eagerly, you lapped her up. Her contented moans fueled you, circling that pink bud. When you did, she threaded her fingers in your hair and grinded on your face.

“Oh, that’s so good, baby. Mmm, yes.” She tugged on your hair, guiding you to just the right spot, “Being so good for Mommy. Eating her out so well. Just like that…oh fuck yes.”

With her direction, you licked, lapped and sucked her clit. You could taste her, loving it every bit.

“Ooooh yeah, fuck. Faster baby, go faster for me.”

And so you did, with her not only smothering you with her pussy, but you sped up at her request. You felt immense joy at how noisy she was getting just from you suckling her.

She sharply tugged your hair and planted herself flat against your mouth as she went rigid. “Oh GOD!!!”

With that she came all over your chin, wetness trickling down your neck. Panting, she climbed off you. She softly stroked your cheek, planting a kiss on your lips.

“So good for me, thank you for eating Mommy out.”

You just nod, a bit pussy drunk. She fetched a warm damp rag and began wiping your both up. You make feeble squeaks as she carefully cleans you up. She plants a gentle kiss on your cheek, murmuring, “I know, I know. Playtime is over, don’t worry. You did so well for me.”

Lastly, with your face being wiped up, she maneuvered you both to a dry spot in the bed. Lila pulls you close, her soft skin against yours. She pet your hair as you cuddled together. You nuzzle her, mumbling your thanks. Kissing your head, she acknowledged it and hushed you, urging you to just relax. Your eyelids grow heavy, too heavy to hold open and you fall asleep in her arms, enveloped in her warmth and comfort.

[xjoonchildx]

.

i know this is a place most of us come to chill out and relax. tumblr has been such a great escape for me, too. that's why i really, really try to keep this space limited to things that fulfill that purpose. but then there are days like these and it feels like i'll explode if i don't get these thoughts out.

exactly one year ago today, at 11:38 AM, an 18 year old armed with a semiautomatic rifle walked into robb elementary school in uvalde, texas. for one hour and fourteen minutes, he proceeded to execute children while the so-called "good guys with guns" waited outside. they just stood there with their hands in their pockets and let this maniac have his way with terrorized kids for 74 minutes. 4440 seconds.

when it was all said and done, that gunman killed 19 first graders and 2 teachers. let me repeat: first graders. little kids with pokemon backpacks and rainbow high lunchboxes.

and the entire country was horrified. and we cried and we cried and we watched story after story on the news about what happened to those kids. and we said what was appropriate at the time: how appalling! how awful! think of those children! what a tragedy!

and then we just moved on.

just like we did after columbine.

just like we did after sandy hook.

just like we did after parkland.

just like we did after orlando.

just like we did after virginia tech. and buffalo. and las vegas. and el paso.

on and on and on, we move on.

and in a way, i kind of get it. i try not to think about what happened to those kids in uvalde because if i stop to think about it -- to really think about the kind of terror they endured at the end of their far too short lives, i might lose my mind.

if i really stop to consider how disrespected these children were in life and in death, how nearly 400 police officers stood outside that classroom and school and listened to little kids being gunned down, i don't know that i could justify living for another day in this country.

shame on america.

shame on every single american who's allowed the gun lobby and GOP to bamboozle them with bullshit stories about transgender boogeymen coming for their kids. they happily turn a blind eye to the very real boogeymen with high-capacity, semi-automatic weapons of war walking into schools, synagogues and grocery stores every few weeks.

in this country, it's harder to buy cold medicine than it is to purchase a weapon capable of mowing down dozens of people in seconds. they'll tell you that the second amendment is the only thing protecting you from the culture wars they fabricate and y'all buy it over and over again, elect these pieces of shit over and over again.

do you want to live in a country where an assault-style rifle has more rights than a six year old?

if not, then fucking do something about it.

[jedi-enthusiast]

Alright, buddy, my account was the fucking wrong one to post this on, so let's get into it.

First of all, I don't give a DAMN about your respect---if you respected me then you would keep your anti-Jedi, MAGA, moronic bullshit off my page. Because I have made it clear, time and time again, that jackasses like you aren't welcome.

I'm not even going to respond to all that idiotic bullshit you shoved into that giant paragraph because you provided zero examples except "this happened, trust me bro" and then proceeded to lose your shit.

I don't give a single flying fuck about your family values, nor about your opinions on presidents because obviously your racist ass has a few screws loose and can't tell the difference between a president simply being black and a president winning the election because he's black.

Obama was a damn good president and far better than what we're dealing with now---so maybe shut the fuck up and go lick a couple boots to get that shit off your tongue.

Now, I didn't start this page to talk politics, Star Wars was actually meant to be my escape from politics---because I can focus on the fictional politics of it all and have fun---but assholes like you are making that harder and harder because you can't keep your shitty fucking opinions to yourself.

Fuck off and go bother someone else with your jackassery---I'm not dealing with this bullshit.

Debunking the "The Jedi Are Evil" Theory Made by The Film Theorists PT 2

Point 2 - That Luke was Right in the Sequels

In the Sequels, Luke says this:

"Now that they're extinct, the Jedi are romanticized, deified...but if you strip away the myth and look at their deeds, the legacy of the Jedi is failure, hypocrisy, hubris."

And, after bringing this quote up, Matthew says this:

"While this kind of tea spill coming from Luke was considered pretty sacrilegious, both by other characters as well as the audience, I think that Luke has a point if you examine the movies with a little more scrutiny. His criticisms aren't exactly unfounded."

Now, first of all, what Luke is saying here cannot be trusted as "fact" or anything to go off of, mainly because of two reasons.

---

1. He's trying to convince Rey not to be a Jedi or, at the very least, to not make him train her (which is pretty much the same thing), and at this point in time he pretty clearly hates himself and blames himself for the state of the galaxy. He's been stewing in his rocky hideaway for who knows how long, with nothing but the ocean and his own self-loathing to keep him company.

He's saying this here so that Rey will give up and not make him train her, because he's scared of making the same mistakes he did with Kylo Ren and fucking up the galaxy even more (we see a similar thing with Obi-Wan in the Kenobi show, where he refuses to save Leia at first because he's scared of not being able to save her--like he wasn't able to "save" Anakin).

And the traits, the "legacy," he's assigning the Jedi...isn't actually the legacy of the Jedi. It's him assigning what he believes to be his own legacy to the Jedi as a whole, because it's easier for him to deal with his own failure that way.

and 2. Luke is framed as being wrong for saying this. None of the other characters agree with him, eventually he does end up training Rey, and eventually he lets go of his pain and fair and grief and "becomes a Jedi again" and faces his "legacy of failure"--Kylo Ren.

It's obvious that the movies are clearly making him out to be wrong when he says those things, you don't need to have a neon sign posted above his head that says "WRONG" in order to see it. So taking his words at face-value is just trying to take a bad-faith reading of the Jedi--rather than the "objective scrutiny" that Matthew is purportedly putting the Jedi up to in this theory.

---

I would also like to argue that Luke's only real knowledge of the Prequel Era Jedi and their actions/beliefs/traditions/etc. is...lacking, to say the least.

The Empire literally destroyed and desecrated every Jedi Temple that they could find, they wiped out all the information they could about the Jedi, and then spread anti-Jedi propaganda through the galaxy for years. Not to mention that, by this point, pretty much every Prequel Era Jedi is dead.

There's no one around to really tell Luke about the Jedi's actions or culture and what little information he might've been able to dig up probably wouldn't have amounted to much. So, when Luke says this, it can only really be taken as a commentary on the Post-Prequel Era Jedi, because he doesn't know enough about the Prequel Era Jedi to make any criticisms.

---

Matthew then says:

"There are certainly examples of the Jedi doing some pretty unsportsmanlike things to innocent victims throughout the old movies, like manipulating-" [plays a video cut of Obi-Wan in ANH, mind-tricking the stormtroopers into thinking that R2 and 3PO "aren't the droids they're looking for"]

This example is pretty easy to debunk, because Matthew leaves out the context.

Obi-Wan has to do this.

Because let's look at what would probably happen if he didn't:

1. He and Luke would be arrested and turned in to the Empire, probably Vader, and Vader would immediately recognize Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan would get murdered.

2. Vader would realize Luke was his son and probably try to indoctrinate him into an Imperial way of thinking, and Palpatine/Vader would probably have Luke "trained" (read: tortured) into becoming an Inquisitor.

and 3. The droids would probably either be memory wiped or destroyed, therefore destroying the plans for the Death Star that the Rebellion needed to destroy it--and the Death Star wouldn't be able to be destroyed, more planets and people would probably be killed.

Aside from the thing with the Death Star plans, Obi-Wan probably knows that that's what's gonna happen--and, if the Empire is looking for the droids, then it's pretty obvious that the droids are important to the Rebellion. So it wouldn't be a stretch to say that Obi-Wan probably understands that the Rebellion would be hurt by their loss.

Not to mention that stormtroopers aren't "innocent victims."

They actively sign up to work for the Empire and take part in the oppression of countless peoples and worlds. And It's not like Obi-Wan pulled aside a random stormtrooper just so he could mind-fuck him, they were approached by the troopers first and he reacted defensively. He didn't even make them do anything bad, he just told them "these aren't the droids you're looking for" and had them go on their way.

---

Matthew's quote, continued:

"-stealing spaceships and crashing them-" [cut to a video clip of Obi-Wan and Anakin in RotS, crashing the Separatist vessel they escaped on after rescuing the Chancellor]

Once again, this is pretty easy to debunk because, again, Matthew leaves out the context.

The Separatists literally kidnapped the Chancellor of the Republic and the Jedi had to rescue him. They had to steal the ship to escape or be captured, and likely executed, by the Separatists--therefore allowing the Separatists (who are literally enslaving and oppressing countless other systems and run by a fucking fascist dictator) to win the war and take over the rest of the galaxy.

Once again, the Jedi were acting defensively.

And I feel like, all things considered, the Jedi stealing that Separatist ship, to escape from a situation the Separatists caused, in order to keep the galaxy from falling into the hands of an oppressive dictatorship and attempt to stay alive...is a pretty damn reasonable decision, don't you think?

And, just for added context, the ship was literally falling apart when they crashed it. They didn't crash it on purpose, it was an emergency landing. If you're gonna say the Jedi are bad for "crashing" the ship, you may as well get mad at every pilot who ever initiated an emergency landing because it's literally the same thing--and if we're putting the Jedi up to "objective scrutiny" then there shouldn't be any double standards.

---

Matthew's quote, continued:

"-or just outright lying about their own powers-" [cut to a video clip of Mace and Yoda talking, where Mace says they should tell the Senate their ability to use the Force is diminished and Yoda saying they shouldn't because it will only multiply their adversaries]

Here the Jedi weren't lying, like...at all.

No one was asking them about their ability to use the Force, so they couldn't be lying. They were withholding information, information that the Senate--as non-Jedi--had no right to know about unless it would actively affect the Republic. Which, again, at this point in time it wouldn't.

But, fine, let's just pretend that the Jedi were lying...

...they were lying for good reason.

Yoda is right here. Even if we ignore the fact that Yoda is a stand-in for GL and what he says is quite literally the canon truth (since he's the creator), the Senate is already pretty at odds with the Jedi, which we see later in AotC when Palpatine and the Senate pretty much strong-arm the Jedi into accepting the role of Generals in the war, despite being told point blank by Mace Windu that they're peace keepers and not soldiers. Do you really think the Senate (read: Palpatine) wouldn't have used this information against the Jedi?

And, are you completely ignoring the fact that Mace is literally saying that they should tell the Senate and Yoda is disagreeing with him?

Obviously Yoda's take on what they should or shouldn't tell the Senate isn't something that the entire Order believes--it's just his opinion on what they should do.

You can't say that "the Jedi are liars" and then play a clip that literally debunks that by having two Jedi disagreeing with each other about whether or not to tell the truth.

[luchinosgf]

me: *takes a deep breath*

me: i lo-

my team when we play ranked: yes, you love Luchino, we know, you love Luchino so much, he’s the light of your life, you love him so much, you just love Luchino, we KNOW you love Luchino, you fucking love Luchino ok we know, we get it, YOU LOVE LUCHINO. WE GET IT.