#and I know there are greater problems and things weighing me down

[itspileofgoodthings]

I’m just going to SAY it, to get it out of my system: I am tired of feeling extremely Not Pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is disgusting!!!!!!!!

[teaboot]

I seriously hope you can job hop to something else cause you're not chaotic neutral man.

You're still a white Canadian whose actions and job help more the megacorps keep the status quo.

I really looked up to you but that's on me.

And yeah, I know security, cop shit and military pay good money but at the cost of my people? Fuck no.

Listen. I feel you. But there's a lot of cold, power-tripping bastards in this line of work and if I stick where I am then they don't get to have that.

I'm not a cop. I am not beholden to the justice system. Sometimes I get contracted out to people who say shit like "addicts should be put down, if you see any crackheads drag them out" and I nod and say "yes sir", and then I take their money and use it to buy those people coffee and a sandwich and tell 'em when free lunch days are at the church.

Boss sees me walking with someone and thinks I'm kicking them out, gives my boss great reviews. I'm having a great conversation with Connie, who used to by a stylist and wound up on the street after an accident that left her with chronic pain and a heroin addiction. Connie learns that there's a gap between two property lines nearby where technically nobody can call to have her removed.

There's a really sweet guy in town who's normally very nice, but sometimes flies into paranoid rage and yells slurs at people. Sometimes he forgets he's been banned from places and wanders in looking for a wife he hasn't had for nine years. Owner sends me to kick him out, and I ask "hey Mike, how are you?" And see where we are today.

One time there was a guy whose abusive ex kept following him to work, and I got to walk him to his car at the end of every day to make sure she couldn't get him alone.

Another person had a stalker who kept asking receptionists when she was gonna be there, when she was supposed to leave, if she was in today. I'd keep record of every time he came in, every time someone saw him, every time he violated his restraining order or damaged her things.

And when I wonder if I'm actually helping or not, or if I'm part of the greater problem, I remember that other people who work with me call homeless people wildlife and talk about how bad they wanna get an excuse to fight someone and I remember that I'm the one who knows where the blind spots on the cameras are, and thank God it's not him.

My position is fundamentally different from that of the military or law enforcement. I don't *need* to be buddy-buddy with most of these dickheads- I don't *need* to send people into the justice system.

I do single-person foot patrol. Nobody cares how I get the job done. They say, "Hey, faceless goon number three- make that bastard disappear" and I say "on it, boss" and give him tickets to disney world.

I once asked another guard if he knew that one of our regulars used to be an airplane technician. He said, "No, I don't talk to them". Blanket "Them". "Them" as in street people. "Them" as in addicts, or shoplifters, or ex-cons, or sex workers.

I asked why, and he told me, "it's easier if you don't think of them as people."

Anyhow, now I get calls to "watch that sketchy lady who just came in" and I say, "yes, sir" and leave her the fuck alone, 'cause that's Jolene, and people always think she's on drugs and aggressive but she's just deaf in one ear and slurs cause she has brain damage, you dickhead

so yeah, don't worry, I've spent a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of my vocation, and I still think I'd rather be in charge of my locations than someone like Darryl, who dreams of "cuffing a perp" and drives a car with Punisher decals on the hood

Also it's minimum wage but that's kinda tangential

[httpvomitello]

Cold Heart *⁠.⁠✧ (part 2)

cregan stark x targ!reader

WARNING: angst, not a happy ending (?)

(part 1) (part 3)

The days following your outburst in the Great Hall passed in a haze. You avoided Cregan as much as possible, and he seemed content to let the silence stretch between you. The icy walls of Winterfell felt more like a prison than ever before.

Rickon, sensing the tension but not understanding its source, clung to you with a desperation that only deepened your heartbreak. He asked you once, in his small, hesitant voice, if you were angry with his father.

“No, sweetling,” you whispered, stroking his dark hair. “I’m just… tired.”

It wasn’t a lie. Exhaustion weighed heavily on you—not from the duties of being Lady of Winterfell, but from the constant ache of loving a man who would never love you back.

One evening, unable to bear the silence any longer, you sat at your writing desk and penned a letter to your mother.

Mother,

I have done all that was asked of me. I have been patient. I have been kind. But I cannot thaw the North, and I cannot make a man love me who does not wish to. My heart feels as if it has been crushed beneath the weight of a thousand winters. I wonder if this alliance was worth the cost.

You stared at the words for a long time, your quill hovering above the parchment.

Do you even know what you have done to me?

Your hand trembled as you added the final line. You folded the letter carefully, but you could not bring yourself to summon the raven. What good would it do? Rhaenyra would only remind you of your duty, of the importance of the alliance, of the greater good.

The letter remained tucked away in the desk, a secret burden you carried alone.

The tension between you and Cregan finally came to a head late one night. The storm outside was fierce, the winds howling like wolves at the gates. You had been restless, pacing your chambers, when the door opened, and Cregan stepped inside.

He looked as tired as you felt, his shoulders heavy with some unseen weight. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, regarding you with an expression you couldn’t quite read.

“What do you want, Cregan?” you asked, your voice sharper than intended.

“I came to speak,” he said, his tone measured.

“You’ve had months to speak,” you replied, turning away from him. “And yet you’ve said nothing.”

“I didn’t know what to say.”

You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? You never know what to say. You never know how to feel. You don’t even know how to look at me without seeing her shadow.”

His jaw tightened, and for the first time, you saw a flicker of anger in his eyes.

“Do not speak of things you don’t understand,” he said, his voice low and warning.

“Don’t I?” you shot back, turning to face him fully. “I understand better than you think. I understand what it means to love someone so deeply it consumes you. But you—” Your voice broke, and you forced yourself to continue. “You’ve never given me the chance to show you what we could be. You won’t even try.”

Cregan took a step forward, his expression stormy. “And what would you have me do? Forget her? Pretend she never existed?”

“I would have you see me!” you cried, tears streaming down your face. “I am not her, Cregan, and I never will be. But I am here. I have been here, trying, every single day, and you—”

Your voice faltered as he closed the distance between you. For a moment, you thought he might reach for you, might finally break through the walls he had built.

But he didn’t.

“I can’t,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t give you what you want.”

The finality in his words shattered something inside you. You stepped back, your breath hitching as you tried to compose yourself.

“Then why did you marry me?” you asked, your voice trembling.

“Because I had to,” he admitted, his eyes meeting yours with a raw honesty that hurt more than any lie could have. “Because the North needed it. Because Rickon needed it. But I never wanted this, and I never wanted to hurt you.”

You stared at him, your heart breaking all over again. “But you have,” you said quietly. “You’ve hurt me more than you’ll ever know.”

Without another word, he turned and left, the door closing behind him with a finality that echoed in the silence of your chambers.

The days that followed were colder than ever, though the snow had stopped falling. You threw yourself into your duties, avoiding Cregan whenever possible. Rickon became your solace, his innocent laughter the only thing that kept you from succumbing to the despair that threatened to consume you.

But even he could not erase the emptiness in your heart.

Late one night, unable to sleep, you found yourself standing before the godswood. The heart tree loomed above you, its ancient branches creaking in the wind. You knelt before it, tears streaming down your face as you whispered a prayer to gods you didn’t fully believe in.

“Give me the strength to bear this,” you pleaded. “Or give me the freedom to leave.”

The gods, as always, were silent.

[minhosimthings]

love.

Synopsis: in which Hyunjin comforts you on a hard day

Warnings: fluff fluff fluff, heavily self indulgent because I can, hurt/comfort, reader cries, mention of food

A/N: yay I did this finally it's out of my notes Woohoo! Idk when this idea came into my brain but it did and I couldn't stop thinking about it so now it's here. For my loves @chlorinecake and @astraystayyh they are my Hyunjins

Song rec: love by Wave to Earth

The weight of the world on your shoulders.

You had often heard that phrase as a child. It was ridiculous, initially.

The world can't possibly weigh that much.

You were the smartest in your class, you knew the multiplication tables by the time you were five, the capitals of the world by eight, and by fifteen, the weight of nothing but your own shoulders dragged you behind everyone.

University was an easy affair, that's what you told everyone. Someone's got to keep up the smart girl, book child status up right?

Studies were easy, just understand it, write it down better. Yet, fuck, you could feel the words fading by, was it a stalactite or a stalagmite?

Graduation was easy, you were peaking and nothing was in your way!

Then you realised something.

The world did weigh too much.

Everyone weighed too much.

Your mind weighed greater than your heart, something you fought off for eons now.

And diamonds are formed under pressure, but hadn't you learnt that diamonds turn into graphite every now and then too?

You were so smart as a child, what happened?, You wished ever so fervently that you could tell them that you weren't a child anymore.

No longer the child that thought the only thing that she needed to do to be loved was to get a good grade off her papers.

Or was that love starved part of you still inside?

"Rough day, love?"

Love. It was the nickname you most adored. Lucky for you nicknames were Hyunjin's personal favourite job.

"Fuck..." You swore softly, immediately collapsing onto your couch, and wrapping yourself into the warm cocoon that was your boyfriend's arms. You swore you would become a butterfly from your current catterpillar state one day.

The gruesome world always seemed to calm down on its axis of rotation as soon as you reached Hyunjin's touch. As if he was the petals of honeydew calming down the speed of a hummingbird. Would you have been the overactive bird rushing around to cater to the needs of everyone around her?

You could hear your own heartbeat in the moments of silence, when the dust seemed to still and the winds seemed to wait, eavesdropping on conversations old and new. The hauntedness of the thumping sound made you shiver.

The tightness around your throat felt tighter by the moment, like an invisible rope hanging round it. Your heart felt too heavy too for some reason. It's a heart, you tried to convince yourself, you need it to live. But you knew that you could rip it out of your chest at this moment, and you would still keep living on. But did you really have to-

"Want to talk about it, love?"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

A loud sob ripped through the thick air, coating the curtains of the atmosphere in a blueish paint that seemed to have rotted inside it's bucket far too long. Hyunjin was quick to bury your head further into his chest.

You know you smell really comforting?, that went on in his mind, the thing you said on your first cuddle session, in which, he remembered fondly, you described his scent a bit further than most people usually did.

Broken strings of words escaped your lips, I'm sorry—im so sorry! Guilt always flowed through your veins whenever anything like this happened.

But Hyunjin understood, he always understood. And fuck, you both hated and loved that he understood.

One hand lay on the back of your head, while his other caressed your back, rubbing circles on it. As if a magical void would appear and take all your problems away.

Hyunjin was your magical void.

"Can you talk to me?" Hyunjin asked quietly. He felt you shake your head against his shoulder, causing him to tighten his hold on you.

"It's going to be okay love. I promise you."

Another wave of tears surged through you, nearly making you double over at the rush of fresh emotions popping off in your brain, your jaw tensing as you tried to stifle the illegible babbling falling from your lips. 

Hyunjin's words in your ear and his hand rubbing ribbons of comfort onto your back made you catch your breath, and slow down. Silence rose once you had stopped crying, you felt even more tired now and you had to admit, Hyunjin was a nice pillow.

The occasional sniffle and tired breath from you, broke Hyunjin's heart even more. He hated seeing you cry, so much so, he'd always distract you if he ever sensed you were in a depressed mood. Even if there were times that you poured your entire heart out of him in tears, he'd always shed his own tears in private, sometime later.

"Love?"

"Hmm?"

"Want me to run you a bath?"

"With the candles and everything?" You managed to say in a quiet, exhausted voice. Your throat was tired from all the crying.

"With the candles and everything." Hyunjin smiled down at you, pushing back stray strands of your hair behind your ear, "Can we go up to the bedroom, love? Can we do that?"

He was speaking so softly to you, and it was making you want to sob rivers again.

Silently nodding, you felt yourself droop down all over again as soon as Hyunjin got you up, strong arm wrapped around your waist, hugging you to his side.

Pressing a sweet kiss to the side of your head, Hyunjin started with shuffling moments upto the bedroom, which you followed, not even being able to lift your head up from the pure exhaustion.

Sitting on the bed felt like you were hung down by iron nails, while Hyunjin prepared the bath for you. Even a moment without him felt down, and even if it was a bit dramatic , you were willing to admit it.

"Hands up?" Hyunjin looked at you softly, taking off your shirt for you and discarding it in the empty laundry basket, "You did the laundry yesterday? Wow, I'm proud of you baby."

You let out a breathy giggle at his words. Hyunjin somehow always knew every word in the instruction manual of how to make you laugh.

"Is the temp alright?"

You couldn't get yourself to say yes so you hummed what seemed to have been a 'yes'. Your throat was raw, and your face was congested as well as your chest. You sounded like you swallowed a frog, and the frog was also now sick and subsequently congested.

The water truly didn't have any texture or temperature to it when you got into it. The world felt numb again as you relaxed into the tub, which, evident from the scent, Hyunjin had filled with your favourite bath salts.

What seemed like a year's worth of time, passed in silence, as Hyunjin quietly stroked your skin with soap, was it the lavender one or the tea tree one? You couldn't tell, remembering how you often joked that both of them gave off the same perfuminous vapours and that Hyunjin should just buy one of them. The water seemed more mellow now.

"Love, look at me?" Hyunjin's voice broke you out of your seemingly never-ending stupor. Like it always did.

You turned your head and rested your eyes on Hyunjin's softened ones, and you felt that familiar tightening of your throat again.

"Hyun I-"

"Don't you dare apologise." Hyunjin said before you could even get a word out, "You never have to apologise to me. Not for this."

His hands were sickeningly sweet as they ran over your back, washing lathers of soap off of your back, his voice even more so.

“You deserve to relax, you know that right?" Hyunjin said, as he wrapped you up in your purple coloured towel, "“You did so well today and you do so well everyday and you deserve to rest for a while."

Hugging you into his arms again, Hyunjin provided you with a little den, a cave where you could settle into whenever you felt that you were too tired for a lion's hunt. And you were forever grateful to him for him.

"Now-" Hyunjin looked down at you with a cheeky smile, "You are not allowed to leave the bed until you finish every single cupcake I got you."

"You got me cupcakes?" Your lips broke into a smile, a genuine one this time, "What flavour?"

"Beef." Hyunjin joked, sending both of you into a frenzy of laughter, as you pressed a kiss against his nose, making it turn the touched skin like a tomato.

The one thing that you'd have never admitted to anyone when you were younger was the fact that you wanted to be loved. That was a silly notion to you.

But maybe now, under the watchful gaze of Hyunjin as he saw you devour the cupcakes, you'd admit it.

You'd want to be loved, even if it was another weight on your shoulder.

Maybe that'd be a weight you'd like to ephermally lift.

[polyamorousmood]

Have you ever felt guilty about being polyamourous despite knowing deep down there's nothing wrong with it, but you're overthinking everything??

getting a little personal here

I've been struggling a lot with it lately, being attracted to another person while currently dating someone, knowing it's okay and its an open relationship, and it's just been spiraling so much in my brain as guilt for no reason i hope I'm not alone in that

of course, though mostly when I was in monogamous relationships, if I'm being honest. I still get twinges on occasion, butbone of my greater strengths is stopping my brain from spiraling into self-loathing. So. Not a huge problems from me. I do have tips though! Some from recognizing what I do and some from various readings. There's not an order, some of them are incompatible with each other, try a couple and see what works

Affirmations to help you internalize things like "I believe in this as a right for all people, and that has to include myself"

Reframings. So when you catch yourself going "waah! My pArTnEr WiLl fEeL bAd!" You can maybe be like "my partner is my equal. If I hold myself to a ✌ higher ✌ standard than them, I am treating them as an inferior, which is unfair, and will make them feel bad" or you know. Whatever. Frame Polyamory As A Good Thing So That It Can Be One, basically. What does your partner GAIN from polyamory? How is your life BETTER from polyamory?

Politely detach from the spiral. You're not stopping it, necessarily, but it's not you. It's that toddler that lives in your brain having a temper tantrum, and you're the favorite babysitter standing non-judgementally to the side, waiting it out, and saying "wow, that was a lot. Are you okay? Do you think that's all true? Do you think that's all fair? Do you think a juice box or a nap would help you feel better?" once the waterworks have ended.

Check in regularly with your partner, and trust them. Make a space for them to say something they appreciate and soemthing you could have done differently, take them at their word, and use those words later. I have literally gritted my teeth at myself like like "she SAID the only thing I should do different is text her when I'm coming home. Am I calling her a LIAR? Is that what I've come to?"

Literally say when you're being dumb. "Well. I guess that could be true, in a hell world where Nixon Jr is president and we're all idiots, but I don't think that's the world I'm living in so it really doesn't apply here" and drop it

thank our feelings. You feel strongly about it because you want to do right by your partner! That's good! Thank it for trying to make sure you do that, and explain to your guilt that you have things under control, in so many words. "Thank you, guilt, for trying to make sure I don't betray [partner]'s trust, but they know about it and said it's okay, so you can take a day off"

All very effective. I encourage anyone else who has experience with this to weigh in

[k-aalia-old]

Worship

Seto doesn't know how the damned thing ended up in his possession, all he knows is that he'd very much like for it to disappear just as suddenly.

He stares at the Millennium rod and the unblinking eye of Horus stares back at him. Still real, still there, still confoundedly annoying.

"Staring at the thing isn't going to change anything, you know." The voice of his new hallucination scoffs at him.

Seto grits his teeth and pointedly does not snark back no matter how much he'd like to.

Just when he thought he was free of all this nonsense when Atem returned to the afterlife and Yugi lost his puzzle and the rest of the millennium items to the sands of Egypt. Somehow this thing ends up in his grasp carrying an uncomfortably familiar ghost with it.

"You may ignore me all you like, but neither me, nor the rod, are so easily set aside."

Seto knows that. He'd told Mokuba to give the stupid thing back to Yugi the minute he found it. Only for it to end up hanging off his belt again before it was halfway across the city.

He watches out the corner of his eye as the great Egyptian priest, Set, pokes at one of his Blue-Eyes figurines on display, intangible finger phasing through the solid object.

With a heavy sigh, Seto resigns himself to his fate of having to ask for Yugi's assistance himself.

-

When Yugi gets the call from Seto demanding he come to the Kaiba manor at once, Yugi easily reads the undertone of a desperate cry for help.

"I would... Greatly appreciated your... Assistance, with something." Kaiba had said through gritted teeth and Yugi was halfway out the door before he knew it.

Kaiba wasn't the type to ask for help. Whatever was going on had to be world-endingly terrible!

When he finally got to the Kaiba manor, he soon found it wasn't world-ending on a greater scale. It was just world-ending for Yugi specifically.

As Kaiba had explained his new problem, the Millennium rod held pinched between his fingers like it was something dirty and not a sacred, magical artifact made from solid gold, Yugi had immediately thought they should call in Ishizu for help.

But as a second option and a quick fix for the moment, Yugi had asked Seto if he could let the high priest speak through his body for a moment. At least so they could figure out if he knew anything about his predicament!

Seto hadn't looked thrilled about the idea, but he still conceded, probably weighing the benefits to outweigh the cons.

And now...

"It's an honour to meet you, Yugi Mutou," the high priest says, kneeling at Yugi's feet with his head bowed in reverence.

Yugi flushes a deep red. The image of Kaiba kneeling before him is sure to be burned into his mind for the rest of his life.

"Oh you really don't have to--" Yugi tries and quickly notices that the high priest barely even twitches. With a sigh, he kneels down to join him on the plush carpet of Seto's office.

"It's nice to meet you too."

The high priest looks awed and a little taken aback by Yugi's actions, the mental battle he must be fighting with Kaiba visible in the sparkling blue of his eyes.

"You guys okay in there?" Yugi asks hesitantly after a long moment.

"My modern counterpart is... Displeased to be on his knees," the high priest rolls his eyes, meeting Yugi's gaze with a fierce determination. "But we both agree that you are something to be worshipped, so I hardly understand his feelings."

Yugi startles at the forward comment, his whole body going warm at the implication. Before Yugi can even hope to come up with a response, Seto's body goes rigid and in the blink of an eye, it is no longer the high priest before him, but Seto Kaiba himself.

"So," Yugi trails off. "Want to talk about that?"

Seto glares at him fiercely, but Yugi's seen far more withering looks from Kaiba in his lifetime, he can easily tell that the annoyance is half hearted.

Yugi holds his ground easily, refusing to break their eye contact under Seto's glare. Tilting his head to the side as he patiently awaits his answer.

An answer which Seto gives to him as he leans forward and presses a kiss to Yugi's lips.

Good enough, he supposes, smiling as he kisses him back.

[thoughtsbysofi]

Legacies Written in Energy: Why We Create in a World Where Nothing Seems to Last

What remains when time fades everything

I have to confess: I’ve developed a new obsession. There’s something I find strangely captivating about videos of people exploring abandoned places. Old houses with peeling wallpaper, forgotten buildings overtaken by nature, dusty staircases that lead to nowhere—I can’t stop watching them.

There’s a peculiar kind of emptiness in those spaces, one that feels oddly comforting. I see what remains of what was once someone’s dream, someone’s home, and it leaves me in awe. These weren’t just houses—they were built with care, brick by brick, as if they could stand forever. But time has a way of erasing even the strongest foundations.

When I see those places, I find myself thinking about the people who lived there. Did they pour their hearts into building these homes? Did they think they were creating something that would last forever? And if they had known that one day, all of it would crumble, would they still have done it?

It’s a question that lingers in my mind. So much of our lives is spent working, striving, and building—careers, relationships, homes, legacies. We fight to leave our mark, to create something that proves we were here. But when I see those abandoned houses, I start to wonder if we’re chasing permanence in a world where nothing really lasts.

At first, this thought unsettled me. It made me question so much of what we value, of what we’re told to chase. But then I remembered something: just because something doesn’t seem to last forever doesn’t mean it didn’t matter.

Those houses, those places—they were never just about the walls or the furniture or the roof. They were about the lives lived inside them. The laughter, the arguments, the quiet moments of solitude. And though the structures may crumble, the energy of what happened there doesn’t just disappear.

The same is true for us. Whether we realize it or not, everything we do leaves a mark. We all contribute something to the world, even in small ways. It’s not about the legacies that are visible to everyone—it’s about the energy each of us leave behind. The kindness we show, the people we touch, the way we try to make the world a little better than we found it.

Even if what we build isn’t visible forever, the impact of our actions ripples outward, shaping the lives of others in ways we may never see. Because It’s not the physical things we create that endure—it’s the love, the effort, the intention behind them.

And there’s something comforting in that, too. Just like those houses, the things that feel overwhelming or all-consuming right now—every worry, every problem—they’ll fade too. Time has a way of reducing everything to rubble, not just the physical but the emotional. And somehow, knowing that the things weighing me down today will one day be as irrelevant as an abandoned house makes me feel lighter.

Again, that doesn’t mean what we do doesn’t matter. Quite the opposite. It’s a reminder that the legacy we leave isn’t about things—it’s about the energy we pour into the world and the connections we create.

In the end, it’s not about chasing permanence. It’s about being present, living with intention, doing our best, and contributing to something greater than ourselves. Because even if everything eventually crumbles, there’s beauty in knowing it stood, even if only for a moment—and in the ways it left its mark on the lives it touched.

[jinmukangwrites]

Weep little lion man (9.5/14)

First - Previous - Next

Fandom: Jedi: Fallen Order / Survivor Rating: T Warnings: N/A Ao3 Notes: next chapter is officially the beginning of the endgame. Thank you everyone who has joined me for this story. This is the final .5 chapter.

Summary: After defeating Dagan Gera for a third and final time, the Compass ends up in Bode's hands without a scratch. He could go back to Jedha with Cal... but he's holding what he wants. He doesn't see the point in pretending any longer. He makes a split-second decision. Or: Bode's betrayal goes a bit differently.

-o0o-

Never in Merrin's life has she been so glad to have so many friends willing to take charge. So many friends that knew how to make quick and effective plans on the fly; allowing her to set her mind on autopilot and simply do as Cere or Cordova tells her to.

They can worry about the specifics, the details, the intricate strands of unwoven tapestries, and she can just work.

"Merrin, can you help find Zee a way up this cliff?"

"Merrin, I need assistance moving some equipment from the smuggler tunnels."

"Hey witch, keep an eye on Caij for me, will you?"

She does everything anybody (except Caij, though the questionable woman never requests anything anyways) asks, because she's happy to help and she's a creature of action. Having a set of instructions and a task at hand helps her keep useful and productive even though she's no good at knowing the history of ancient Jedi civilizations, nor is she much of a use for putting together technology which will make it possible to traverse an un-traversable and chaotic plume of abyss in space.

She at least also got to protect Rambler's Reach from vengeful raiders and even the occasional troupe of Imperial invaders. She knew that she could do the leg-work, she enjoys the leg work. She had spent so long alone on Dathomir, desperately trying to cling to control as the forces of the universe did everything in its power to rip it away from her. Finding Cal... all those years ago... It gave her a greater purpose other than control. He helped her move on and focus on doing something. Let someone else be in charge, let the legacy of her sisters and mother not weigh her down so hard.

Helping Cere and Zee explore old Jedi chambers and temples, helping Cordova build a way to track through the abyss, even just keeping Caij in her sights, it made her feel like she was helping build progress on finally rescuing Cal and figuring out what exactly Bode's problem was. Singe the hairs of his eyebrows while she's at it.

Once Cere found a breakthrough in the mysterious Arrays, once Cordova managed to find a weak and unstable signal on Cal, Merrin couldn't help but think it took the Galaxy long enough to turn in their favor.

"So what's the plan?" She asks, folding her arms across her chest as Cere explains that activating the final Array just outside the Reach would make a temporary safe path through the abyss.

"Merrin, you'll get Zee to the array," Cere explains, her face calm but her voice twinging with undisguisable excitement. "Activate it, and join us on the Mantis. We should have just enough time to fly through the abyss, and with Master Cordova's work on the bounty puck, we'll know where to find Cal."

"Well," Caij says, leaning against the center console of the Mantis, Merrin narrows her eyes at the 'former' bounty hunter. "What are we waiting for?"

-o-o-o-o-

Getting Zee into the final array and getting herself back onto the Mantis was... concerningly uneventful. She thinks most people would celebrate things going easy, but things never went something as simple as easy when involving Cal. Too many things going exactly as planned couldn't mean anything good. Luck and karma didn't work that way for her family.

She kept her worries to herself, however, because if she were asked what was worrying her she wouldn't even be able to explain it. The Mantis hummed perfectly as ever as Greez lifted the old thing up and toward the Koboh atmosphere. The seats were comfortable. BD didn't leak oil. The array stayed lit like a beacon. Caij didn't suddenly get yellow eyes and cut down her family.

Geez punches it towards the triangle puncture going through the abyss, hands only shaking a little, but pure determination kept his flying steady. Silence filtered around the crew (and Caij) as star speckled black space turned into swirls of pink, purple, and blue. It looks like something only a child could draw with those glitter markers she saw once on Coruscant. It feels like flying into the heart of a supernova.

That feeling of something about to go wrong lingers. She can barely restrain herself from fidgeting as she stands behind Geez's pilot chair. She forces herself to look dead ahead at the carved path before them, a squeezing sensation wrapping around her heart.

"The path is getting thinner," Cere says, and Merrin closes her eyes for just a moment to breathe.

The array is shutting itself off, and they're already too far in to turn back. They need to go faster, onward, or they'll lose themselves here.

Cere grabs onto the hyperspace controls, ignores Geez's panicked shouting, and closes her eyes.

Something has finally made itself complicated; and while it seems Cere is about to initiate a solution, Merrin can't help but find a little comfort in the tides turning into currents. Deep down, she knows this will only be the first of many problems, but at least now it's familiar.

"Now!" Cere shouts, mostly to herself, and flicks the switch.

Geez screams, Caij swears, Cordova calmly breathes a visible breath, BD clutches into Merrin's shoulder, and Cere looks dead ahead at the streaks of hyperspace. Merrin... Merrin doesn't know what she does. Everything gets so loud and so real in her brain where if her physical body does anything, it wasn't her consciously controlling it.

She trusts Cere, but she doesn't trust fate. They'll get through this, but whatever is waiting on the other side is promised to be a thousand times worse.

Hold on, Cal, her brain desperately screams, it's almost over.

-o-o-o-o-

With a flash, the empty space above Koboh suddenly finds itself filled.

The pilot, sitting alone within the cockpit that used to belong to his father, frowns beneath his helmet as the signal he had just been tracking suddenly disappears.

He reaches for the puck, moving his gauntleted hands over the small FOB and checking to see if there's a loose wire or something else as temporarily inconvenient. He can't find anything wrong with the tool, which means something else had caused the signal to suddenly disconnect.

A flash of light, and he blinks ahead at a strange cluster of space dust that's settled itself as near to the planet as a moon would. Three beams of light tear through the center of the plumage, though one is in the process of going out.

The bounty hunter glances back at the tracking puck and quickly checks the last known coordinates of his target. He's almost not surprised that they point him directly towards the mysterious abyss.

The third beam gives a final, violent shudder, then flickers out in a blaze of glory. Whatever path it has carved, it's gone now, and so is Caij Vanda.

Only at a slight loss, he bites his lip and looks down at Koboh. He can't give up on his target, not quite yet, and perhaps wherever that broken beam had come from, there will also be someone who knows what the point of it was, and if his target is dead or not.

He has enough of a reputation that simply confirming a death will get most contractors good faith. He can still get paid here, and then he can move on to other bounties with no sleep lost. Bigger bounties, maybe that red-hot one the Empire just tripled.

Turning Slave 1 towards Koboh, Boba Fett makes preparations for landing.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFJ here, I am 14 years old so I am unsure of how to deal with someone who's unhealthy Se dom, can you help me out?

I have an 19 years old ESFP brother who's unhealthy, he tends to shift the blame on everyone else in his life, he is selfish with others sometimes, and if not selfish with me. He lies on me and would always say I am selfish or cold if I don't let him take something or share food with him, I can't handle his problems or behaviors anymore as he keeps making many mistakes and problems in one day, no 24 is passed without 1-4 mistakes in the same day.

He is easily angered and very sensitive, he raises his voice at anyone in the house even if we argue in a normal voice , even tell us we are raising our voice on him. My sister tried to warn him once about something he bought, told him it's gonna affect his health and he started yelling at her and telling her she always wants to point out if he is doing something wrong , when she is very worried for his health. He doesn't think about the consequences of his actions at all , always does what he wants and thinks that things may come to him on a golden plate, I can't handle his actions anymore and I am trying to find a way to deal with him, I know I can't fix someone if they don't collaborate but I want to know how to fix some behaviors and how to deal with it. I want to put him in his place but he is very aggressive and blunt.

He can be sometimes kind but that doesn't mean he will be fully kind or helpful and I can't handle the arguments he makes between everyone in the family and him.

---------------------

Unfortunately, the best way to deal with a toxic person is to distance from them, if not physically, then at least emotionally. Yes, everyone is a mixture of good and bad qualities, and everyone's got some problems dragging them down. However, some people's bad qualities/behaviors are so bad that they mostly just spread negativity, upset, pain, and harm to others. When that's the case, the most urgent thing for you to do is take care of your well-being by removing yourself from their destructiveness in any way possible.

Generally speaking, when faced with a genuine threat to your well-being in relationships, you don't have many options, so weigh the pros/cons based on your capabilities and preferences, for example:

- Option "Fight": You say you want to put him in his place, which is an invitation to fight. If you're gonna fight someone, you'd better be confident of winning. This means you need energy, STAMINA, strength, power, and the ability to continually dominate both physically and psychologically. If you don't have these capabilities or your capabilities do not surpass his, then you won't win the fight. If you can't win, you'll get very hurt, and the relationship problem gets worse. If you can win, there will be a wall between you, but he'll likely leave you alone and go after someone weaker.

If you're not a dominating sort of person, a more intelligent way to fight is to appeal to an impartial authority/power greater than the both of you who can help mediate the conflicts and restore peace as necessary. The natural choice would be the elders of your family like parents, aunts, uncles, or grandparents. This is more of a short-term strategy because elders won't be around forever and you'll eventually have to learn how to handle him yourself. However, if he's so out-of-control that even the elders can't make a difference, then you're out of luck on this front.

Big Picture Result: Fighting isn't likely to change him, his thinking, or his behavior. At best, it just pushes him to hide it better. But what does it do to you? It brings you down to his level, doesn't it? Can you live with yourself being like that? Can you feel good about life when you're constantly in fight mode?

- Option "Fawn": In the context of relationships, fawning is like saying, "if you can't beat'em, join'em". Instead of treating him like an enemy and worsening the conflict, you give in, cave, take it, swallow it, etc. Why do people fawn? The hope is that, if you are nice and always accede to his needs and demands, he will like you, so you will not be the main target of his blame and anger. Unfortunately, the reality is, the more you try to appease a bully, the less they respect you, and the more they feel it's okay to abuse you. Even if he decides to spare you because you worked so hard to save your own butt, it won't be pleasant to watch him target other family members.

Big Picture Result: Fawning basically rewards the bully for their bullying behavior, so there is absolutely no incentive for them to change. If anything, the negative behavior will get worse over time.

- Option "Freeze": In the context of relationships, freeze usually means resignation to the status quo. You try to blend into the background and hope for the best or pray for a miracle. This is not really a strategy but rather what happens when you have no strategy. It's the strategy of the truly powerless.

Big Picture Result: Freezing usually means the cycle of violence just continues indefinitely until someone finally decides to do something different.

- Option "Flight": In relationships you can't easily get out of, flight often means drawing and enforcing boundaries that strictly limit or end contact with the toxic person (see previous posts on the topic). Toxic people are game-players in the sense that they constantly want to draw you into their machinations. Their ego drama makes them seek out "enemies" to fight so that they can feel like the "hero". One way they do this is to keep baiting you until you react the way they want, so that they can prove some stupid point they imagine needs to be made. When you take the bait, you become the supporting character in their play with no real existence of your own, i.e., they control you.

The advantage of boundaries is you no longer play his game, because you are actively setting the rules for how to conduct the relationship in a way that honors everyone's well-being. Boundaries aren't about trying to blame, change, and control others in retaliation. Boundaries are there to protect you from harm by removing you from the relationship equation as necessary. Boundaries help you avoid taking the bait and getting entangled, but only if you are able to abide by the rules you set and carry out the consequences to anyone who breaks your rules.

Yes, being estranged from someone you love is hard and it hurts, but does it hurt more or less than being their victim? Only you can answer that. Keep in mind, when you set strict rules and boundaries or cut someone out of your life, it doesn't have to be forever. You can make it clear that you love him and you'll allow him back into your life on the condition that he changes the negative behavior. Sometimes, the best way to battle a childish person is to be the "adult" and walk away. It's hard to do this in a sibling relationship when you're the much younger sibling, but it's possible. You can look at it as an opportunity to build strength of character. There are lots of bullies in this world, so it's good for you to learn how to stand up for yourself sooner rather than later.

Big Picture Result: Limiting contact may or may not change his behavior depending on how badly he wants to resume the relationship with you. If he chooses not to change, you'll lose the relationship for good. If he decides to change, you can meet him halfway. In any case, you've put a cap on the amount of pain and damage he can inflict.

.

I hope this has given you some ideas about how to approach the situation. It should also help you have a better understanding of the various relationship dynamics he might have with the other people in your family. It's very unfortunate that you have to deal with a toxic family member. Family should be a place of safety, support, and love. You're not alone, though, since many people are forced to grow up in a dysfunctional family. The most important thing is you learn how to make things safe for yourself when others can't/won't.

If the situation with him ever deteriorates to the point where you really feel as though you can't bear it anymore, reach out for help. It's hard to make good decisions when you're in the middle of a very stressful situation. It might be a good idea to have someone in mind you can escape to, someone who can provide a safe space for you to calm down, talk things out, and think things through at your own pace. This person can be any adult you trust such as: aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, your friend's parents, teachers, mentors, spiritual counselors, mental health professionals, etc. If you don't have anyone right now, then maybe get to know more of the adults in your orbit and cultivate a trusting relationship with at least one of them. Or, if you think it's enough to go some place quiet to catch your breath now and then, maybe try a friend's house, a local cafe or mall, or a public library or park, etc.

[maifrenthebesto]

What else can I say that hasn't been said?

There's no magic words to fix this problem.

I'm so happy today.

If there was something in need of being fixed I'm sure I would have gotten to it by now.

There's a few things I cannot fix unless I'm asked to do so, but I'm not allowed to be asked yet.

Great power, greater responsibility.

For once I don't feel the need to start catering for the arrival of a new set of eyes to gaze upon these shattered walls.

There's something so special that is so difficult to grasp when you are weighed down by the pressure of existence within a system designed to pull you down, executioners wearing invisible hoods, eager for the moment to fell down their axe.

Oh but you didn't know I wasn't like the rest, or you did, but you didn't want to believe it.

Sorry I broke your axe with my neck, you should be mad at the ones who asked you to swing, not at me for parrying it.

You know, it isn't any media's fault that you were a fan of the piece of work you referenced and imprinted your ideas on.

I love cartoons, I love animation, I love art, I just love self expression that is transparently passionate about its existence, forced art forces me to look away.

You know I canonballed into the belly of the beast the same way Molly was absorbed into ghost prison, it wasn't designed to hold kindred spirits.

Sorry I tore down your theater.

Are you ever going to apologize for what you broke?

My trust, my heart, my patience.

I take solace in the wise words of someone that cares from love.

"[You were] never [my] friend".

Only the real ones will understand.

Also I smoked that day because you wanted me not to based on the other person that didn't want me to, and I wanted that other person to witness me getting my ear chewed out, so that the report could go back, and everyone could be certain they made the right decision based on the information available.

Oh but what has happened since?

This was never meant to be a fight until you came looking for a fight, and you keep wanting to fight because you can't stand losing, being told you're wrong, or being held accountable.

In retrospect, I should have walked away WAAAY earlier, but I figured that if I was nice enough you would genuinely switch teams.

Don't act like you didn't want me on your team, but I have too much self respect to barter with terrorists.

[tidal-hit]

Breaking Free: A Quest for Purpose in a Chaotic World

I don’t like living like this. Honestly, I don’t give a damn about civilization at this point. This life we’re living — it’s so systematic yet chaotic at the same time. It feels meaningless. Restricted. People around us are cowards, having given up on something important, something real. There’s no sense of purpose anymore, no real reason to live beyond chasing the same things: money, fame, power.

The Search for Meaning

Look, I’m not saying the meaning of life has to be the same for everyone. I know it’s different for each person. But from my point of view, what truly matters is knowing oneself — understanding who we are at our core. Knowing oneself involves drawing a line between our desires and the deeper truth of our existence. It’s about transcending the ego and individual identity to recognize that we are part of something greater, something infinite. Once we achieve that, shouldn’t we be seeking the truth of our existence?

The Weight of Responsibility

But here we are, stuck. Trapped in a life full of responsibilities, where abandoning them isn’t an option. And that’s the problem. Our so-called evolution has only taken us farther from courage — courage to live for ourselves, for something bigger than societal expectations. The weight of our obligations has crushed us into loneliness, pain, and complacency. We don’t seek out our purpose anymore. Maybe because we can’t. Maybe because we’re too afraid to.

Ambition vs. Expectation

I have ambitions. Big ones. But they don’t align with what society expects from me. Still, I know I have to go through the motions — to prove myself to the world and fulfill the responsibilities I owe to my parents. I know I can’t escape that. But after that? After I achieve whatever it is that I need to prove, I want to renounce it all. I don’t crave more. I don’t want to spend my entire life in this cycle of suffering, of striving for the next thing. I want to stop.

A Yearning for Freedom

I want to wake up one day, and after proving to the world — and to myself — that I could do it, I just want to stop. I want to leave it all behind. I want to go out into the world — the world the gods made for us to explore. Meet new people, live a simple life, maybe even the life of a monk. I don’t care about fame or fortune. All I want is freedom. Freedom from caring, from trying to fit into this mold that society has shaped for me. But the truth is, I know I can’t. Society won’t let me. My family won’t let me.

A Spiritual Reflection

If I had my way, I’d sit mindfully, with no purpose yet with all the purpose in the world, on the shores of Banaras and give myself away to Shiva. I’d walk through the wilderness of Uttarakhand, feel the symphony of peaks and valleys in Himachal. Before my final breath, I’d learn the culture of the Northeast and witness the beauty of the Western Ghats. For me, this isn’t about abandoning responsibilities; it’s about living for a greater, unknown purpose. Maya may consume me, but I refuse to give her power over me.

The Dilemma of ‘Everything’

Tell me, am I asking for too much? It feels like I am. It feels like I want everything. And everything is something we’re not allowed to have. But here’s the thing — “everything” means something different for each of us. For my father, everything was providing security for our family, financially and in every other way. For me? Everything is fulfilling my duty to my parents and then finally living the life I truly want. But it’s a conundrum we all face, isn’t it? We’re all torn between what we want and what we owe to others.

Moving Forward

Some people get through it; they move on. For some, the feeling passes. But for others, like me, it doesn’t. It sticks. It weighs you down. It makes you wonder — can we do something about this? Can we break free? Can we simply stop caring? All I wish for is moksha, but I know the traditional way of life will not lead me to my God.

The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know if we can stop caring or escape the cycle. But maybe that’s the real challenge — to find some form of freedom within it all. To balance the responsibilities we have with the life we want for ourselves.

A Moment of Reflection

Maybe it’s enough to simply pause, breathe, and ask ourselves: What does ‘everything’ really mean to me? Do I have the courage to seek it? Or is this just that 3 AM conversation, the kind we forget about when the sun rises?

But what if it wasn’t? What if we actually acted on those ambitions? Maybe that’s the real question — whether we can break free not just in thought, but in action.

[nickgerlich]

Machine Language

It is one of the most contentious of debates hitting retailers and restaurateurs these days. In their attempt to modernize and incorporate technology at every turn, they invariably wind up offending some customers’ sensibilities, as well as confusing those who no have tech savvy.

And then there are people like me who embrace all the change and have no problem using technology to make my life easier, which I am sure also benefits the business. Bring it, please, and hurry.

I could only be talking about self-serve kiosks, the touch screens and self-scanners that cause people to lose their minds over on social media. They fear jobs being lost and all manner of hypothetical ills. Maybe that’s just a cover for their inability to navigate the onscreen menus, but either way, there has been a line drawn in the sand between those who love and those who hate these things.

But a recent report yields a surprising conclusion: They’ve not been nearly as bad as some speculated, and all those fears of job losses simply did not materialize. In fact, by letting customers do the mundane part of the transaction—the ordering—it frees up employees to perform other essential tasks that help improve the customer experience.

The benefits of self-serve kiosks, especially in restaurants, are significant. The service level is consistent, removing the human element. Variability both within and between employees is removed by machines that always pitch the upsell at the precise same moment, and customized for each customer. In fact, with AI, it can be better than humans, because the order can be analyzed up to that point and relevant add-ons proposed that fit what the customer ordered.

It’s much better than just “Would you like fries with that shake?” No, now the machine-driven order taker can notice that you ordered a specific type of sauce to go on your taco, and would you like more?

Although fast food is not my thing, I confess to occasionally stopping at a Taco Bell while on long road trips, because I know that I can get bespoke burritos all courtesy of their kiosks. I can add this, delete that, to a far greater degree than you can do just standing there talking to a human, because the majority of the add-ons aren’t even on the menu. Well, not the one hanging on the wall behind the clerk. I am in and out of there in 10 minutes, and back on the road. Avocado and black beans? Yes, please.

Of course, there are downsides to kiosks. If you replace the human interaction aspect completely, thereby forcing customers to use the machines, there may be pushback. Some people are simply intimidated by them, and require assistance. This slows down the process. And, a study has shown that if there is a line at the machines, the same thing happens as when there’s a line to order with a human: We get cranky and order less. Or walk out.

As for supermarkets and other retailers with self-check kiosks, there is the increased risk of theft. It’s just too easy, especially with savvy thieves who tap the screen such that it thinks you are weighing bananas, but in fact laying a T-Bone steak on the scale, it’s easy to see how stores can wind up losing money.

As for me, I am a huge advocate of the self-serve kiosks. I don’t go shopping for chit-chat. I want to expedite everything. I also like packing my own groceries into my reusable shopping bags. Since I have Walmart+, I can simply scan a QR code when I’m ready to leave, and it charges the card I have on file within the app. Easy peasy. Call me a control freak, but I have this down. You can thank COVID for this. I cut my teeth on the system back then, and am now pro level.

I suspect that line in the sand is also a demarcation between younger and older shoppers, those most open to, and resistant to, change. Ooooh. There’s that word again. I use it a lot in every one of my classes. It’s a generational thing, digital natives versus the geezers who have spent their entire lives trying to keep up with all the changes around them.

It’s understandable, and to be honest, my students, you may very well just be geezers in training. I won’t be around, but please do a self-check—the personal reflection kind—when you hit 65. You may find yourself resisting technology that hasn’t even been invented yet.

Meanwhile, I have to make a Walmart run soon, probably later today. And you know where I will be when it’s time to wrap it up.

Dr “In And Out” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[the-----paige]

Not being able to be loving after abuse is genuinely ruining that aspect in my life for me. It made me meticulously controlling but it’s gotten worse over the last year.

Confidently I said last year that I wasn’t looking to be in a romantic space after deployment was cute but I’ve been back over 6 months now. I’m not sure that I feel comfortable speaking w a therapist about it will help. I’m scared the PTSD will come back but does it have to so that I can fix the problem?

Who knows but it’s weighing heavy today. The last couple months have been odd for me. Being harassed by someone who wouldn’t take no for an answer was scary. Almost losing someone like a sister to sewer slide left me breathless. I feel like I’ve just been coexisting with the rest of the world.

What’s equally confusing is having spent time with a man who I dated years ago and things going so smooth, I feel like I was being punked. Not to say he’s horrible, we were not the nicest to each other from ‘20-21.

GC convos like the one I had today really got me thinking. I’ve never liked being vulnerable or the center of attention prior to all of this but it’s crippling now. I didn’t wanna share what was going on w dude being a weirdo w who I did because I knew he’d come running (the middle of the night call said enough and made me feel for him more). That’s admirable and what someone does when they care for you. Whatever, that’s a lost cause that I don’t want to get into.

I felt like I was trending better but that shit shut me down. I’ve generally felt like I could say no and not worry about anything else but I guess it’s different when you have to see someone everyday. It put something else in perspective, you can’t change ppl’s minds. Acceptance has to be a thing and respected.

My clothing was talked about yet again but not in a way to tear me down but it managed to make me conscious about what I put on. There’s nothing I can do to hide my body, not that I want to but I also need to not be catcalled all damn day, in a safe space.

Maybe that’s why I’m so triggered about it all. I feel like it’s nothing I can do to undo them either. Idk, I’m rambling mainly because I’m tired.

And you know, work is work of course. More asinine reactions that will only exacerbate the real issue at hand. I’ve also felt less impactful with my role because it helps the greater good and not me fully. There’s no balance and it’s too routine. They said I was spoiled in my last role but in actuality, it made me well rounded. The weekends go by too fast.

I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining because I’m blessed beyond measure but I would like to have a genuine friendship w a man and feel safe around him outside of what I have with the two I’ve never had cross the line. I would like to feel safe enough to truly fall in love again, I miss being a lover girl. I would like to enjoy my job again.

[thezoeydiaries]

Daily Devotion - 04/01/24

Ever since I was a kid, I have grown accustomed to writing my innermost thoughts on paper (especially about my spiritual reflections). Still, I have found a different way to express myself and my realizations by publishing them in this online journal/blog.

I haven't tried writing about what I learned during my quiet moments of reflection. I used to have this notebook that I kept with me whenever I did my daily devotions, but lately, I just found it hard to bring all the time, and instead typing became more convenient for me. Am I completely comfortable putting my most vulnerable thoughts out there? Not exactly. But maybe there's a reason why God has allowed me to put it out there. It might be useful to someone else. It might just be the thing that they needed to hear. I don't really know, but what I am certain about is the fact that God has asked me to put my thoughts out there for others to read.

Today, I read about Proverbs 28:13 ���"People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy." It was timely. Yesterday was Easter Sunday, and we just finished the Holy Week. It was a time of gratitude towards Jesus' sacrifices for us.

I am a sinner. I am not perfect nor am I trying to be. I have always known this inside my head. But have you ever tried saying your sins out loud? No one has to hear it, you don't need to be in front of a priest or pastor to acknowledge that you have sinned and ask God for forgiveness. In the same way, you do not need to be in the church to pray, for any place where you can find God is considered your church.

I tried doing just that —acknowledging my sins out loud. At first, I felt a lot of shame because speaking it out loud makes it so real. I couldn't hide behind my excuses. "Si ano kasi eh" or "Wala akong choice nung time na yun", or whatever lame justification I had was instantly gone. I felt naked. I felt uncovered by the truth. Yes, it felt uncomfortable. But it was only then I felt relieved, that with every sin that I admitted out loud, I felt more free. I have committed many mistakes, maybe not as gravely sinful as mortal sins, but still equally wrong. Admitting where you went wrong is the first step towards change. Knowing that you need to fix something is a sign of growth.

There are many things that I want to outgrow; Habits that no longer serve me or the greater good of others, routines that hold me back from being a better person, or worldly things that make me think small and turn me shallow. The list can go on, but it all has to start with acknowledging what went wrong.. or in this case, knowing WHAT YOU DID WRONG, so you can fix it.

When I was done listing down all my sins and saying them out loud, (after the period of shame) I found solace. After saying "Lord, I am this.. I am that.." and being extremely honest with myself, I asked him "Lord, please forgive me". After asking him for forgiveness, I mumbled "I hope it's not too late". It was that simple. I heard a voice in the back of my head saying "It's never too late". Whether it was my subconscious, my imagination, or maybe even my alter ego —it gave me hope. And in my book, if it's something good, then it must be from God. After that, I was at ease, like a big thorn was removed from inside of me. I felt light.

All this time I was functioning normally, nothing majorly devastating happened recently (except Nate's passing), but every time I talked to God and did my devotions —I had absolutely no idea that my spirit felt so heavy and weighed down until I finish talking to him and reflected. Because afterward, just like clockwork, I have never felt lighter; like all the burdens I had no idea I was carrying, suddenly vanished. I'm not saying that it fixes all my problems, but it renews me and gives me the courage to fight for another day. It blesses me with God's grace and carries me through trials.

I am no expert in Religion. I do not know all the scriptures or have them memorized by heart, nor have I finished reading the bible completely. I do not go to Sunday service or Mass, and I have not participated in religious practices for quite some time. I may not be the epitome of a good practicing Christian, but I do have a relationship with God —one that I claim is strong. I am not Religious, but I am Faithful. I could do better and try harder to be a better servant of God, and hopefully, I get to do my part in helping spread his word and his love.

I may not practice all of the things mentioned above, but just like the voice in the back of my head, I hear "It's never too late". And I shall try.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see things this way. I have been so focused on what's in front of me, that I forget to see things that should matter more. I hope to gain more discipline and obey you so that I can be more of your likeness. I pray that you provide me with eyes that see good, a voice that encourages, hands that lift people up, and feet that always stay on the ground. And lastly, a heart that loves like yours.

Amen.

[shammah8]

RHAPSODY OF REALITIES

📅 FRI. 26TH JANUARY 2024

    THERE'S LIFTING FOR YOU

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━  

When men are cast down, then thou shalt say, There is lifting up; and he shall save the humble person (Job 22:29).

Pastor Chris Says

━━━━━━━━━━

These days, it's not uncommon to hear statements like "I don't know what's going on; things are going bad everywhere. People are generally discouraged." Don't join the bandwagon to talk like that. You're a child of God; your life is different. You play by a different set of rules. Always remember that.

The Bible says "When men are cast down, then thou shalt say, There is lifting up...." Did you notice that God tells us how we should respond when there's distress and gloom and men are cast down? He tells you what to say: "There's lifting up!" There's lifting power in you; power to rise over and above the crises of life. So, instead of joining the complainers, you ought to declare: "There's lifting up for me!" Glory to God.

When you say, "There's lifting up," what does it actually mean? It means to raise from a lower to a higher position, to elevate, to raise in rank or condition. It also means to put an end to a blockage or siege by withdrawing or causing the withdrawal of invading forces. It means to revoke, rescind, lift an embargo, to pay off an obligation.

There's a lifting for you by the miracle power of God.

Is there something that's been weighing you down? Or is it a raise or promotion you're expecting at work? The Bible says "For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south" (Psalm 75:6). That means it comes from God. Just know that there's going to be a "lift." Glory to God!

Maybe you made a mistake that landed you in the position you're in today, and you're wishing you did things differently. Well, the Lord is your riddance. Set your gaze on Him; don't look at the problems that may be before you. Set your gaze on high, on the Master. He'll lift you out of that trouble. The Bible says, "He raises the poor from the dust, and lifts the beggar from the ash heap, To set them among princes, and make them inherit the throne of glory..." (1 Samuel 2:8 NKJV). Blessed be God!

          🙏 P R A Y E R

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Dear Father, I thank you for the assurance of your lifting power in my life. I refuse to be discouraged by the challenges around me. Instead, I declare that I'm making progress, prospering and waxing great in every area of my life! The greater One lives in me, and He's made me bigger, greater and superior to inflation, insecurity, sickness, disease and the devil. I'm a victor in Christ Jesus. Hallelujah!

       📖 FURTHER STUDY:

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Psalm 3:3;   But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; My glory, and the lifter up of mine head.

Psalm 27:6;   And now shall mine head be lifted up, Above mine enemies round about me: Therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the LORD.

Psalm 146:8;   The LORD openeth the eyes of the blind

[botbert-johnson]

A weird reflection on a conversation with a Pro-Capitalist

In the not-so-distant past I had a mutual acquaintance who was very pro-capitalism. I will call him Carl. He had a degree in something finance related, I don’t entirely remember the specifics, but I remember he said things a lot of the time that seemed very apathetic and nonsensical. So, to continue my newfound habit of utilizing this blog as a hybrid between a journal and gateway for conversation; I want to navigate some of the thoughts and realizations I had from this individual. 

Here is some further relevant context between the two of us as individuals; I am an educator at a childcare center that is a part of a primary schools out of school hours care program. I earn a pretty decent amount but that is weighed down by the low hours I have. My fiancé who works at a retail store for less, but has higher hours earns roughly the same amount in her paychecks as I do. Carl had studied economics at a college and had a well-paying office job and putting in years of dedication toward his career, however, was well known for struggling with work life balance and maintaining social connections. 

We had a lot of arguments about the nature of capitalism and how it either served for the employee or exploited them. The main point of his argument was that capitalism is extremely misunderstood, and required a lot of education to understand but once you acquire that education you would know it is in the best interest of all involved. Now in most circumstances I’d agree that education is one of the most important tools for someone to have. And that it is important to take into account the wisdom of those who are educated. However, the problem here is that if the only way to properly understand how the system that will affect every aspect of your life is through university level education, the system might simply be too complicated. 

I’m of course no expert in the matter, but I don’t think it's that unreasonable to believe you want most people who’re a part of a system to understand said system. And I think it’s a little naive (which, don’t get me wrong is not a negative thing to be. Rather tragic) to have not realized how easy it is for a system to be exploited when the majority of the population are not experts educated enough to understand they’re being exploited. 

This segues into my next point, I think human nature plays a bigger part in any system, not just Capitalism, then Carl really understood. It goes without saying there is a chunk of the population in our world that is willing to exploit others for their own personal gain. It also goes without saying that no system is ironclad, and all will have loopholes. Unfortunately, those willing to exploit those loopholes are going to find themselves at an advantage over the honest people who don’t do that. The more they are able to exploit the greater that imbalance becomes until it becomes impossible to ever reach their heights through genuine means. This is closer to the reality we see today, where movements are popping up as people realize there is no such thing as a good billionaire, because they have reached heights unattainable through honest means. 

It does concern me a little, what people are being taught in financial courses to have such rose-tinted glasses. Maybe it's solely the theory of how the system is supposed to work without any of the reality, and none of the exploitation. I hope one day he realizes the problems people like myself face as workers, rather than continuing to believe that those who financially struggle in their day to day lives are at fault.