#and I know he now has an official backstory but it's depressing and not enough about science

[void-occupation]

hi! I'm trying to get other peoples opinion on this-

what do you think alastors human life was like?

sorry it took me so long to answer this one, I've been busy lol

are we talking about what I think for canon, or the headcanon backstory that exists purely for angst? Because those are two veeery different answers lol. I'll just answer the canon opinion, and maybe do another part about my headcanon if anyone's interested

As far as I know, it's been confirmed that Alastor's mother was colored, and at least hinted that she practiced voodoo. I think that his father is also confirmed to be white, and I know we're all pretty sure by now that he was abusive. We know Alastor likely became a radio host, and was a serial killer (obviously lol) who hung around Mimzy frequently enough. For simplicity's sake, I'll say that Alastor was born in the year 1900, making him 33 when he died

Now, for the speculation. I feel like his parents only married when his mother got pregnant, which resulted in her being outcasted from the Vodun community. I believe she still would have taught her beliefs to Alastor, which probably angered his father, who was most likely Catholic based on the most popular religions in the area at the time. I don't know if it would be ore likely that Alastor's father killed his mother and Alastor killed him because of it, or if Alastor killed his father because of the abuse and lived with his mother until she died of illness. Either way, his father ends up out of the picture. For this, I'll say that his mother lived.

Something I don't usually see people take into account is that the US got officially involved in WW1 in 1917, and started drafting 18yo boys in 1918 - ironically enough when Alastor was 18. The law that prevents "the only surviving son" from being drafted wasn't even thought of until 1964, so Alastor wouldn't have been spared from the draft. I believe draft contracts were about 2 years long, so unless he was injured, Alastor would have spent about that much time in combat. He likely had PTSD from that, but they didn't know what that was at the time, so it would have gone untreated.

He gets home when he's 20ish, and eventually becomes a radio host, befriending Mimzy in the process, but he struggles when he comes home. Nothing seems to alleviate the awful feeling building in him since he came back, and then his mother dies. He snaps. Based on that pre-canon comic, Alastor typically targets predators/abusers ("I do hate those who can't show a little more respect towards those of fairer means"), which makes it pretty ironic (or purposeful) that his name literally means "Avenger".

He hears a woman screaming late at night on his way home, and sees a man cornering her in an alley. Maybe the screams remind him of his mother, or the things he saw overseas, or maybe he's just angry, but he picks something up and bludgeons the man to death. Later, he can't stop thinking about how good it felt to end such a miserable creature, so he does it again. And again. Until eventually, he's killed dozens of men just like his father, and he's reporting his own murders on a news broadcast for the police.

I like to think he didn't practice cannibalism until he got to hell. But if he did practice while alive, it probably would have been during the Great Depression. Times have gotten hard, and while he still has his job, money is tight, and it would be so much easier if he just took a cut or two from the man he just murdered.

However, he still has to dispose of the less edible bits (clothes, hair, bones, etc), and he does so in the bayou behind his house. One day though, there was a hunter who for some reason thought he was a deer. Barking Alerts Alastor of his presence, and he takes off, dogs close behind and baying loudly. Then a gunshot cracks through the air, and Alastor feels a split second pain in his head before collapsing to the ground. The bullet somehow didn't kill him, but it did paralyze him, so there's nothing Alastor can do to fight when the dogs eventually begin tearing into him. In the end, it was the blood loss that killed him as he was mauled, and it seemed like an eternity before he finally succumbed to that. (this is what breeds Alastor's severe dislike (read: fear) of dogs

this is pretty rough, but I figured I'd probably better just get it all out at once lol. Let me know what you think!!

[voidbears-oc-stash]

Just read the blog banner and description. I'll use this pinned post as a list of my OCs.

Jax and perhaps Springtime, you both know the rules I put for asks. And if you don't, reread the rules on @the-cookies-of-darkness blog.

More OC tags

Even more OC tags

Yeah I think you get the point

OC List under cut

OCs:

Expo, a Sphinx Cat that is half void, and is extremely powerful because of that. He's a bit witty but all-in-all loves adventuring. Lost his mom soon after his birth and his father died in The Great Void War.

Luna The Werewolf Queen. She's a werewolf queen and can command werewolves. She, unlike other werewolves, is not weak to sliver. You'll find her backstory depressing, but I'm keeping a little mystery for now. She typically wears a special gold necklace that keeps her in a between-form. She just looks like a white wolf but her front paws are hand shaped. She's a bit self-conscious about her full werewolf form and doesn't go into it unless necessary. Yes, in the between-form she walks on all 4s.

Vinnie the Velociraptor. He's a Velociraptor from the dream realm and can enter others dreamrelms while they're asleep. He's kinda dumb but in a funny way, though he takes his 'job' to save others from nightmare seriously. He miraculously came from the dream realm of Sky The Cloud Warrior, in which in the realm he though Sky died and had a whole existential crisis when he became real.

Nameless, he does not know exactly what he is, even his own name was a bit of a misunderstanding but he kept it anyways. He stays around special rainbow crystals that keep him 'powered up', though he can still make more if given the energy. Here's some art of him by @maskoni-five. He's basepart wolf, has owl wings, aardvark claws in front, basilisk legs in back, a camel hump, and the venomous bite of a gila monster. His favorite food is eggs.

He dislikes being called rat-like, especially while being AT LEAST the size of a Great Dane. In reality, he's a Demigod, the son of a god of nature from a different planet. Rumors spread that the new baby demigod had a key to immortality, so he was kidnapped. His dad wasn't too happy, so his papa cursed the species that kidnapped his son with immortality without any of the benefits(As in you literally cannot die but your body can't keep up forever), and for his safety sent Nameless off world with a protection boon so his true backstory would be near impossible to find out even from other godly beings. This, somewhat unfortunately, lead to Nameless not exactly knowing much about his own backstory and having large gaps in his memory. He got his name because for some official IDs that were made for him, a rather tired worker asked him for his name, and he said "I'm nameless...", which led to his name being named Nameless. He finds it funny and has gotten too used to it to get a 'real' name. He specializes in nature control and healing magic. The rainbow crystals are basically generators for his power, which he got from his mother's side. With enough energy, he can make more rainbow crystals, but prefers to just use the ones he already made. He can also use his power directly through the rainbow crystals, which makes it stronger.

Blacky The Void Demon. He's not exactly a "demon", demon is just the void's word for powerful, like the void's word for the world outside the void is "Osega". He has a pet Shadow Beast named Beastie. He also has a complex backstory, involving him loving somebody who his dad did not allow and (his dad)causing The Great Void War. He left out of hatered of his dad and gained enough power to be able to survive the osega without having to possess anyone, granting him rank of Void Demon. He'd be willing to share his knowledge about what lives in the void. Here's his ref.

Fiqunzur: A full on species of mythical bests I have made. They can shapeshift and fit through even the tightest of gaps, and have the magpie's tendency to just take anything shiny or that they find neat. I'll likely be using Fritz and his two kids, Atsen(male) and Zemryu(female). Fritz's partner was murdered by the superstitious folk, but his kids don't know that. Here's what they looks like typically

(Yes, my pfp is Blacky petting one)

Shadow Beasts. I've already introduced the jist of them on @the-cookies-of-darkness but I'm thinking of moving Raider, Silho, and Buddy here. They're shadowy lions, basically, though their temperament changes on how they grow up. Without supervision (or supervision of ferals), they grow up a feral apex predator. When treated like a person, they grow up acting like a person and are capable of speech, though still stand on all 4s(Raider, Silho, and Buddy as examples). And when treated like a pet, they'll act like a mix of a cat and a dog, Beastie being an example of this. They're weak to attacks of "pure light". Which they describe as "something you can see that does not cast a shadow". AKA mostly just fire. Their scratches typically leave permanent black marks, and when one dies they are reborn. Though they can still have the more 'traditional' kids way. They're all one gender but it still takes two. The ferals have been known for taking over universes.

Sola and Quasar are two space-patterned technically aliens. Sola looks like a and is about the size of a Songbird, while Quasar is a large and powerful-looking dragon. The two are in love. They refuge in this galaxy to hide from a Tyrant in their home one. Quasar, despite looking powerful, the most power he has is the strength due to his size, the typical dragon fire-breath (but, ya'know, at will), and technically being able to move at Faster Than Light speeds, but he's actually a big softie who loves to make cookies(for eating, which might cause awkwardice when confronting cookie run characters.) Sola is a bit more willing to talk about the tyrant dictator of their home multiverse, but is clearly still scared to talk about them. She's a bit more introverted and only really feels comfortable around Quasar. She's prone to nightmares.

Sybeny, said Tyrant Dictator. I do not intend for her to show up yet, but I am at least writing her name down. The warning I have: Do not let her cuteness fool you. That's exactly how she gets you.

Cannibal, one of my Just Shape and Beats OCs. His home world's treeangle had a star on top that often kept our cannibalistic friend fed, but after a lot of trouble and the world starting to fade, he and 2 remaining others had to leave. Will Of Fire (will be referred to as "Will") made the mech and infused his soul into it, giving the mech his ability to make golden fire that has like a midus touch effect. However, it did not have enough time to charge with solar power, so Cannibal grabbed his other remaining friend Fusion, who was already in a comatose state, and put him into the backup power source spot and managed to flee the world before it faded. Fusion will ne near impossible to wake up again unless another star-topped treeangle is found, Will's soul does have some mild influence in the mech, but Cannibal is the main guy controlling it. He controls it all from the head portion like that scene in Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 where Berry controls the sentinel of safety suit. He can leave the suit if he wants, but usually only opens the visor to eat, and only ever leaves to go to the bathroom. But here's a ref of him outside the humanoid mech suit! Due to not having a star treeangle piece to keep giving him the required food he needs, he usually eats cacti as it's the closest to what he could eat in home world that lives up to his cannibalistic instincts(as long as it works to keep him from self-cannibalism, that's what he's concerned about). He is not corrupted, he is just naturally pink.

Fusion, another Just Shapes and Beats OC. When not able to be powered by a treeangle, Fusion will be in a comatose ball form that's all rainbow-y that constantly leaks energy. When powered by a treeangle, Fusion is a force to be reckoned with. With powers from each boss from Just Shapes and Beats with looks to boot, he is essentially a demigod. He takes his job to protect the innocent very seriously. Sometimes even too seriously. Threaten anyone he deems innocent, you're in for a bad time. If he's in a good mood, you'll likely just be punted. In a bad mood? Better start praying to what gods you believe in. His favorite attack is lasers, which he, like annihilate, can shoot from his mouth. He can also summon things like sawblades and scythes, fire and spider webbing. Arms can also detach and regrow like Blixer/Fresh/whatever you call the main boss guy.

Quinton the Hydra. Good friend of Luna's, ended up in a minecraft world that's basically single-biome of cherry grove. So has gotten used to eating cherries, pigs, and sheep. Ironically, when I first made him I imaged him looking like the hydra from minecraft's Twilight Forest mod. He's kinda goofy, with his center head being in control, and the other heads tend to not exactly care, which leads him to limp now-and-then when the other heads are lazy and sleeping. He does take his job as a guardian seriously, however. He's covered in scars, though at least it seems people are smart enough to not cut any of his heads off. He calls his other heads Lefty and Righty

Swifty the Jagfox. She lives in the trees and is very quick in them, that's even how she got her name! And her jaguar spots help her camouflage. Was also in the cherry grove world. She tries to be friendly, but sometimes her hunting instincts take over. (Drawing was made when I was still, like, a freshman in highschool and was starting to get into drawing, so don't judge how bad it is :b)

Silver the Giant Snake. She's an albino Burmese Python who is slightly bigger than a Reticulated Python. She's sometimes seen like the mom of the group, she's kind and caring, but can do the 'I'm not mad I'm disappointed' attitude. Sadly and ironically, she's infertile. She did take care of a baby turtle named Ellipse for a while before the shadow beast invasion, in which Ellipse was killed in front of her, which has caused her to be a little more depressed. Ellipse was friends with Swifty. She ended up in the Cherry Grove world

Desmond the Phantom Witch. He's a Phantom from Minecraft mixed with a Witch(which makes him humanoid). He makes potions for a 'living' and is always trying to find new things to use to make them. Being a phantom, however, he sometimes has a hard time controlling himself when he's around somebody who hasn't slept for days and feels the urge to aggressively leech the energies off of them. He wears a hat with mending and curse of binding to keep him from burning in the sunlight. He has a knack for showing up in random worlds when testing out potions. He always carries brewing stands and potion making supplies with him at all times. No matter what light, you can't see his face under the immense shade of his hat, just his glowing green eyes. He does mention he has fangs and a nose. Here's his ref and a poster he made! (Ignore the "in the thread" part, I used that for roleplays on Discord then the server got closed down =/)

Firefly. A Windchime Squid from The Void. Ended up in the Osega when Void Cookie (from @the-cookies-of-darkness) had a power surge. He and Stinger both now control a body made out of scrap coredroid parts with a void-infused core. He controls the upper body. He uses fancier words and is quite smart, and often instructs Stinger where to go. He takes responsivity cleaning up most of the void-related messes

Stinger. A Monstera-Mimic The Void. Ended up in the Osega when Void Cookie (from @the-cookies-of-darkness) had a power surge. He and Firefly now control a body made out of scrap coredroid parts with a void-infused core. He controls the lower body. As a predator species from The Void, he's more physically strong than smart. While he often now listens to Firefly, his predator instincts will sometimes get the better of him and he starts using his thousands of microscopic stingers to consume sugars of those he gets close enough to. While Firefly insists they flee most squabbles, Stinger prefers to try to fight anyone off.

Notebuster. A Superhero on basically the other side of the world or at the very least a different country from where most of the OCs hang out. He's a superhero there with superpowers that relate to music! But he's also half-void on his mom's side, so he also has void powers like Expo! Just slightly ones, at the very least by color. He is somewhat ironically a cousin of a famous (in the towns nearby at least, anyone who knows void people would hate him) void demon hunter and killer named Oggy Budderhorn (who has since died and has a memorial). He wears a cyan suit with a screen, speaker, and special fingertips that allows him to control music in a way to create attacks. He also doesn't talk verbally most of the time. He can talk, but he prefers to just scroll through videos to talk for him, like that one scene in Animation Vs YouTube. Basically, he's mute by choice, like Henry Stickman.

Rzore. Notebuster's mother. She's one of the last surviving members of the pink tribe that was wiped out in The Great Void War. She wasn't aware the war ever happened, and had been in hiding in the Osega for a few hundred years before finally having a child. She became a Void Demon through mostly determination, rather than killing fake people in a fake world like Blacky did. As for why? She found the Osega much more interesting than the void.

MINOR (for now) OCS:

Sky The Cloud Warrior. I do not intent on having him be very relevant other than being Vinnie's 'dad'. He's retired and loves pizza parties, though he gets his nickname "The Cloud Warrior" for a good reason. He lives on the top of a mountain. Here's a ref with a little bit of info on it(Via a very inexperienced OC maker past me). The clouds he makes are always the perfect comfortable temperature and he can choose whether or not they're tangible.

Plobettba(Goes by "Plob" for short). I don't intend for her to actually show up in a long time, but she will be mentioned by Expo and the others. She's a cyborg dragon with the ability to melt planets, and only the metal on her could resist such high temperatures. She's killed her maker, Snatg(which is a shorting of "Snatgbbgu"(back when I was obsessed with Rot13 names lol), he was a mix of an Okapi and a Rhino, and is a more horrible and powerful tyrant than Sydeny could ever dream to be.), and has the source of his power on her. She's currently residing in the center of a star about a thousand lightyears away in hypersleep mode, and has connections to Expo if she wakes up and wants to talk, or if something goes horribly, horribly wrong to the point she can't handle it alone.

Qwarkon, The Blood Moon's Ghost. He's a weather elemental that looks ghost-like, though he can only seem to charge up his powers at night when the moon is out, and when he charges up, anyone nearby sees the moon turn to look like a blood moon. So he kinda typically stays away from the crowd and usually can't get himself the confidence to start a conversation.

Fred. He's just a grouchy scrooge Komodo Dragon who would kill just for peace and quiet.

These four. Not adding as much info as I've already shared it all in DMs with Jax and I'm pretty sure it's just me and him on this blog lol

Phantasma the Ghost. He's a humanoid wolf-panther mix who is, of course, a ghost. His tail is completely clipped off and he has no idea what happened to it. He's a quiet guy who enjoys the little things. His favorite thing to do is watch Fireflies, which he hadn't done in a long time due to first being stuck underground and then being stuck in the cherry grove world (even if Minecraft added Fireflies, they would've only been in swamps). He is lacking a good chunk of his memories, and only remembers that he died due to his best friend betraying him and thus doesn't trust easily.

adding the mutants to the more OC Tags post

Avtug. One of the few of the elusive Void species called Lucem. He's one of the more braver ones of the species, but still flighty. He hides in ghost towns of the world, fleeing when any explorers or tourists or the like show up. He isn't afraid of being seen, he is afraid of his picture being taken and the world knowing about his species because of him.

Willy The Wanderer and Vlad The Destroyer. Two mice people (who I made using this Picrew) who are adventurers. They're cousins, but are as close as brothers. Willy is the one in black and has brown fur. He knows magic, and has somehow wound up in the wrong place multiple times. He's adventurous and has a knack for solving problems. Vlad is the one in read with gray fur, he's a sailor who sometimes tells tall tails, once saying he rode a shark with nothing but his fishing hook steering it. He's a bit more serious, but has a soft spot. The two live in the same area as Notebuster and Rzore

Pyth (Previously named Decidoreal). A Green Tree Python helplessly in love with Silver, ended up foolishly saving Geno. In return, he ended up getting fused with a cacti and changed himself up to try to impress Silver.

Ellipse. Silver's adopted turtle daughter who was killed in front of her. Revived using corruption by Pyth in an attempt to woo Silver, she ended up fairly unstable due to Shadow Beast DNA being in her.

[treesap-blogs]

Happy Saturday! Here’s a review of “The Outlaws Scarlett And Browne” by Jonathan Shroud!

Hello, Tumblrians! Whilst we may not be nearing our 20th Tumblr Review yet (although the combined superpowers of my depression and my ADHD may get us alarmingly close to that goal in a short period of time if I don’t exercise restraint and stick with the 3 books per week thing), it is a special occasion nonetheless! This marks my 13th review! I don’t know if any of you guys know this, but 13 is my favorite number!!! (I like the supernatural/superstitious connotations with it. Mysterious!) (and partially out of spite, I like to think of it as lucky. Not that we’ll need that for this review, anyhow.)

Anyhow! Time for my personal favorite section, presumably your least favorite: 💫Book Backstory Time💫, the segment in which I explain how I encountered a book, a la Blob Of Text On A Recipe Before The Actual Recipe! I found out about it from Mellowkotto’s stories on Instagram, particularly when they talked about the bank robbery scene at the beginning. For some reason that was enough to sell it to me(which is so funny, because they just talked about liking Scarlett), and I ended up talking about the book to my mom because I’d put it on my notes app TBR. Didn’t catch onto why she asked at least twice or thrice for the title despite her only reading nonfiction books, but she messaged my mildly rich grandfather who gets my brother and I annual Christmas gifts, and swear I remember I opened up a December 2021 Christmas present to find it inside! (Goodreads lists a different release date for that?! Maybe it’s just the UK version or something, I live in the U.S. and it probably was put out at a different time. Plus, my copy has a different cover than the one I put under my “Read” folder/shelf.) I read the first fifty or so pages that night by the light of a Skittles-scented candle, and got to 100 or so by the end of winter before being a little burnt out and stopping. That was before I had a consistent reading schedule, though! Once I got one in 2022, I read a bit further until I forgot about it in my reading queue that was full of library books(literally the only reason I read fast haha), until I basically cleared that up this year and finished it! So it has technically taken me over a year to read this book. Lovely.

The Outlaws Scarlett And Browne is the first in a trilogy(only 2 books are out at the moment), following young adult crook Scarlett McCain. She’s on the run after committing a bank heist(which is slightly unusual for her because the stakes brought on by being chased by the law after just robbing a small bank are weirdly high?), and whilst doing so she encounters a boy around her age named Albert Browne. How did he end up the only remaining person in a bus that got completely totaled? Scarlett doesn’t know. But he tags along, and whilst they flee from the law through the woods, it seems like Albert’s hiding a lot of things from her. Is he a threat? Is he as he seems? What even is he hiding that makes officials so eager to catch him, and why is he wanted? Again, Scarlett doesn’t know. But she’s about to find out when they hesitantly form an alliance of sorts that develops into a friendship.

To be honest, I knew nothing about Jonathan Stroud until I picked up this book. Lockwood & Co., while not being his debut series, was by far his most popular (and no longer has a niche audience now that the Netflix series is out), and that’s kind of all I knew about? Ghost stuff and teens. And before that there was a different series that flipped magical realm morals on their head, and got him in the public eye(Barthemius, was it called? Some distinctly European fantasy name like that). So that set a lot of peoples’ expectations for this book very high, and many believed it didn’t deliver on that because it wasn’t as strong or original as some of his other works. I can’t comment on it that much, as I have no other works of his I can go off of, but I do think the overall world just doesn’t stick out for me.

Firstly! The plot, while interesting, didn’t really have anything I was all too surprised by. It felt like other things I’d find in other novels: a heavy reliance on “biological perfection” and the extreme lengths went to preserve that(albeit they were barely shown for this book, only mentioned frequently and remaining a looming threat), futuristic European setting (divided England was an interesting concept though, and London being split up into the islands for the refugees to inhabit), guy with secret dangerous powers that are probably enough for the FMC to worry about if their motives are unclear. (Here though, Maroon’s dynamic—the ship name for Albert and Scarlett, get it because scarlet and brown(e) make maroon—is left up to interpretation as to whether it’s strictly platonic, or a romantic thing, something worth nothing because that last bit is usually something an FMC is drawn to in a romantic subplot.) It was also simultaneously the first and not the first fantasy dystopia-ish novel I’ve read?! (I started it a year before The Belles, but finished it afterwards.)

With that said, though, there was one welcome change of pace I enjoyed: the lack of gender stereotypes with our main characters? While Scarlett faces some sexism during the book, her femininity isn’t used as a way to paint her out to be “less than”, nor is she automatically reduced to a “Not Like Other Girls” archetype by putting other women down for being “too girly”(something that might happen, with an action heroine written by a straight male author). Albert was also one of my favorites!! He’s unashamedly that person who posts about “haters being jealous of his childlike wonder”(please don’t take this literally it’s a meme reference, social media does not exist in TOSAB lmao), but then he..sometimes kills people too lmao?!?! Morally reprehensible ones, granted, but he’s still doing it with his volatile abilities and it does get suspicious the sheer number of foes trying to track him down(which is due to his abilities, he can make things go ka-bloom if he gets too scared, and he can also read minds without the tiring emotional outtake). I loved his duality as it was humorous at times, and that he was written to be more like a young adult than a stereotypically “guyish” or “manly” deuteragonist. 

(Shoutout to Joe though, for trusting Albert with Ettie because he’s good with kids, even though he has abilities that could accidentally kill her, and not trusting Scarlett with her because she’s not good with kids even though she’s just some powerless person who’d have to put physical effort into harming Ettie lmao. Saw a reader point out the irony in that, though it was funny in hindsight.)

Him and Scarlett were solid protagonists, too! It took a bit for Scarlett to warm up to Albert, but by the end of the book they cared a lot about each other, and it was sweet to see that both in how glad they were the other person was still alive, and how Albert took a page out of Scarlett’s book and was inspired to stand up against Dr Calloway(the scientist who’d been abusing him for years). (Heck, the two even decided to briefly take care of their companion’s granddaughter together! The moment in that sketchy building where they’re trying to calm down Ettie and lead her back to the boat so she doesn’t get eaten by monsters is my favorite part.) They also had distinctive personalities, which contrasted in a way that made their dynamic interesting. Their banter was interesting! (I giggled a few times but Scarlett definitely went a bit too far in some of her insults before she warmed up to Albert, like..girlie was out of left field once in the book particularly, and I think people who’ve read it will know when💀)

Anyways. Conclusion is, I thought this book was okay. Had I not been brought here by a pre-established Shroudverse fan, I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much! About 1/3rd through, I relied on the guidance of My Chemical Romance’s music in order to give me motivation to reach the halfway point. Perhaps Shroud’s other books are stronger in themes and plot, but at least the characters stuck. (I’ll give that to him, he can write MC dynamics well.)

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars. (This rating’s a versatile one, I’ve realized? Some 3 star books are mediocre, others are enjoyable but lack a few things to make them amazing.)

~Paz, signing off!

(Book content/trigger warnings: Some instances of physical/emotional abuse,  frequent mentions of ableism and slavery(the latter is not racial and isn’t described on page), general violence like guns and a bit of blood, sexism/misogyny.)

[primalspice]

Ratbro?: A3, A4, A17, B7, B13, C1, C4, D3, E1, E8, F1, F7, F11, G1, G2, H8, I6, J2, L2, L4

Ray Mond

A3: Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it? 

i havent officially diagnosed him with anything but really just the average of what you'd expect from a guy revived from the brink of death then kept captive for like 30 years. he's depressed and pretty intensely hypervigilant. his social skills leave much to be desired and he has relatively severe memory loss issues. lobotomy victim. overall he's just extremely disoriented now that he's existing in greater society once again, which is partially due to his disorders but also to be completely expected with circumstances like that. he doesnt know what's going on really or how to fix it, he just would like it to finally stop.

A4: Are they a pessimist or an optimist? 

In his youth he was certainly an optimist. it's one of the things harvey looked up to him for. even after his resurrection i think he was at least Grateful, for an amount of time, that he was given a second chance. he's really been through the wringer tho LOL idk if he has much faith in humanity doing the right thing, even if it Sounds like the right thing at face value cough cough

A17: What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves?

he was proud of himself for finally completing his military training and makin it to the real deal!! that didnt last very long!!

B7: How do they respond to babies crying in public?

it activates the suddenly-easily-agitated switch in his brain and he has to walk away before he ends up questioning his desires to be injure infant children.

B13: Do they have a large or small group of friends?

he was quite popular in his youth, but he doesn't really have friends now though at all unless you want to count faust trying really hard to be his 'bestie'. He was somewhat social when he was at the facility on a good day, but there weren't many good days.

C1: Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

he's pretty much just been living in survival mode, not necessarily by any strong moral code. he believes in helping his peers whenever he can but thats really the only thing he's certain about. the political climate is completely different from when he was 20 vs when he was in the facility vs now so he doesn't really feel he's got enough backstory to determine who's in the right/wrong. his moral code never ran very deep in the first place, it pretty much exclusively consisted of like. protect/help others. be a nice person. he never felt any reason to make it more complex than that, thats why he joined the military <3

C4: Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser?

i think that he's well aware that his general aptitude is lower than that of the average Region Zero citizen (maybe not as low he believes tbh) because of all his lost years, so in that way he feels lesser. I don't think he sees himself as being any more/less deserving than the next guy tho. faust kinda treats him that way at times but raymond just thinks hes weird LOL

D3: How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

he would love to finally die LOL he's near 100% comfortable with it and is deeply troubled by the fact that he couldve died relatively painlessly several times, but now he gets to just continue living in more and more pain instead because someone decades ago decided that more population = more prosperity

E1: Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree?

he's not highly intelligent but he's certainly not stupid. just average. i think his kindness (give or take a few lashing-out's) and willingness to cooperate certainly outshine his smarts. he's quite ignorant of anything to have happened in the last 25 years (can't blame him) and even before everything happened he was quite simple-minded but certainly intelligent in an interpersonal way... kinda refreshing in a place like this LOL. i think he'd claim he's dumber than he actually is.

E8: What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?

I think he'll come to regret working with faust, just because he doesnt want to be part of a whole sabotage scheme (nonetheless one against his own sister, as soon as he gets released from 25 years locked up). he really doesn't even want to see her again in this state, it'd be too complicated and tragic. but alas.

F1: What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there?

he's living in the office with Faust LOLLL there's a guest bedroom. Faust asked him back to the capital after he 'liberated' the handful of people left at the facility, but kinda just struck him a deal to stay indefinitely. he of course has nowhere else to go, so he decided he would stay. itd be 'an honor to have him as a spokesperson for survivors of region zero's mad science' or something, whatever faust said.

F7: What’s their “dream career” or job situation?

tbh idk if he has one LOL he'd be fine even just being in the military again, or a cashier or something. he just wants a normal life by region zero standards.

F11: What are some of their favorite things to do for recreation? How did they get into it? What part of it do they like the most?

i dont think he has a ton of hobbies at the ripe age of 45 LOL i bet he'd enjoy a good crossword or something though, or something else mildly mentally stimulating. he's probably read the same few books 10 times each due to the limited material in the facility for all those years. he'd probably be happy to read something new finally.

G1: Is your OC close to their family?

He was pretty close before all the facility stuff, but obviously not anymore. He had a pretty standard relationship with his parents and never caused much trouble, but the relationship was a little weird only since they were relying on him a bit for money. they never asked him to do that tho. he was basically harvey's best friend and role model. he'd still visit them often after he joined the military. everyone looks back upon those times fondly.

G2: Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them?

well his mom and dad are dead (i think he'd already assumed this) so really all that's left is harvey, and she's estranged due to the circumstances. she's still important to him once he figures out she'd still alive, but of course the situation is quite compromised. if this is you asking if he has any children due to the Milking....well maybe.

H8: What’s your OC’s idea of a perfect date?

I DONT THINK HES V PICKY LOLLL. A NICE MEAL AND A MOVIE PERHAPS.

I6: Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

He's learned to over time, since that's pretty much the meal situation in the facility. he does get bored of it quicker than he'd prefer tho </3

J2: How politically aware are they?

unaware as Hell right now but he's about to learn everything that's happened in the past 25 years in 10 minutes faust-style <3 he didnt even know who the damn president was!!!

L2: What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any?

another one i havent thought about much, but as im typing this i guess im thinking about the irony of his Faust Parallels. Guy who wants to live but is dying against all odds vs guy who wants to die but is living against all odds. guy who has a dead sister he couldnt be there for bcz of his own foolishness vs guy with a somehow alive sister he couldn't be there for (still a fool) etc etc. you get what im sayin?

L4: Would you hang out with your OC if you could?

god no i feel like itd be really awkward even if we ignore the fact that he is double my age. what would we even do. POV:

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

He is my actual life goals, I’m so goddamn happy he finally has his research lab sorted out, I’m not kidding about writing 70,000 words of backstory.

[cjsinkythoughts]

Inner Conflict

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3586

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Some Angst, Some Fluff, Sam and Bucky being idiots, Mentions of PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression

A/N: Here’s Part Three to my FATWS Series, which I’m making a masterlist for that you can find Here. 

Uh…it’s a little long, and I apologize for that. It doesn’t even encompass the whole second episode, only the first half, so a Part 3.5 will be coming out later today probably (it’s my day off work so I have all day to relax and write!) I tried not doing a line for line rewrite of the episode, but there are quotes from the show in here. Mostly it’s Reader’s thoughts and feelings towards what’s happening while conversations are going on around. Reader’s backstory is a bit more unfurled. It’s more action packed and more scene-for-scene of the episode than the previous two. Less emotions shared and less hurt/comfort type of thing, but that’ll be back in the next part probably along with more scenes not in the show. The next part I’m planning won’t be as long, it’ll mainly just be the Couples Therapy scene and a bit more angst with her and Sam and her and Bucky.

Because there’s four more episodes and I don’t know what’s going to happen in them, I’m kinda hesitant on spilling out exactly what is going on with the Reader and what her role was on the original team, but we’ll get there. Also, I wasn’t expecting to be writing multiple pieces for one episode, but if the other episodes are as packed as this one, prepare yourself for more parts than anticipated. We’re already on Part 3 and I’ve got Part 3.5 coming. Just bare with me as I don’t know what’s going to happen in future episodes! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it! 

(Not beta’d so excuse any mistakes.)

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

Walking out of the shower, ruffling a towel through your hair to dry it off, you froze at the sound of the TV. A sigh left your lips. It’s all he’d been doing the last few days - watching the news. Keeping up with the tour for the new Captain America.

You peeked out of the small bedroom to find Bucky sitting on the floor, brow creased as he watched John Walker talk to the Good Morning America hostess.

“You shouldn’t be watching that.” You spoke up, leaning on the doorway, still patting your hair dry. He glanced over to you, taking in the towel wrapped around you, before looking back at the TV. Seeing you like that wasn’t anything new. “Buck, I’m serious. Brooding over it won’t make anything better.”

“What do you want me to do?”

You let out a sigh, shifting your feet and biting your lip as you thought about how to respond. “I-I haven’t figured it out yet. But obsessing over the new guy-”

“Aren’t you mad?”

You frowned at his question, his eyes meeting yours once more. “I told you already that I am.”

He tilted his head, which he did when he was confused, his eyes narrowing. “Why don’t you show it? Why aren’t you screaming or cursing or crying or something? You, of all people-”

“Because it won’t help anything, Buck.” You shook your head, pushing off the wall. “I want to. But if I let myself go down that road…” Dropping your gaze to the floor, you take a breath, collecting your thoughts. “This is such a complicated situation, James. I’m being contacted left and right for a statement on the new Captain. People trying to see my reaction. Senators trying to get me to meet with him. I can’t let myself snap. I can’t.”

He scowled. “They’re still bothering you?”

A dry chuckle escaped your lips and you nodded. “Makes me miss the days when no one knew who I was; when I was the behind-the-scenes seventh Avenger. But I made that choice to come out, and I have to deal with the consequences now. Blowing up will only-”

“Even though I never met him…he feels like a brother.”

That one statement stopped you in your tracks. Bucky’s head whipped back to the TV, his jaw ticking, his nose scrunching up.

“Did he really just say that?”

Bucky merely nodded, his chest heaving as he tried getting his breathing under control. “Feel like snapping now?”

You purse your lips as you held in the tears stinging your eyes. After composing yourself, you moved over and grabbed the remote, letting out a tiny sniffle as you did so. You tentatively touched Bucky’s shoulder, silently asking him if he needed anything from you. His response was to open his arms, so you quickly got down besides him to hold him.

“He is my brother, doll.”

“I know, Buck.” You pressed a soft kiss to his head, which rested against your bare shoulder.

Your bare knees are pressed harshly against the wooden panels of the floor, and you’re twisted awkwardly, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. As long as he was comfortable, you would take the uncomfortable position. As long as he was being held, you would take the soreness it would leave. As long as you could help him be some sort of okay, you would take not being okay in this position.

 You two sat like that for a few more moments before your phone buzzed. You gave a sigh, pulling back and holding his cheeks in either hand. He wasn’t crying, although he was on the verge of doing so. You’d seen him cry before, so you knew he didn’t mind. For you it was a different story.

Bucky had maybe seen you cry twice since the whole Blip thing went down. And one of them was over the phone, so he didn’t see it so much as he heard it. You didn’t let yourself cry in front of him. Or anyone, for that matter. It was a part of you. The only person you ever felt comfortable enough around to cry in front of…wasn’t there. And you couldn’t change that.

“We’ll figure it out.” You told him, nodding gently and letting a small, sad smile quirk the corners of your lips up. “Okay? We’ll figure it out.”

The clench in his jaw loosened as your fingers worked circles into the hinge, making him relax and nod back. You pressed a tender kiss to his forehead before standing up, moving across the room to where your phone was on the counter. You assumed it’d be another government official or news reporter, so you were slightly shocked to see ‘Sammy’ flashing up at you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you read his message, a slight pout forming on your face. 

“Doll?” Toned arms wrapped around you, warm and cool, his chin setting on your shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Sam. He needs my help with something.”

“I’m coming with you.”

You turned in his arms, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Why?”

He shrugged, licking his lips. “You might need help.”

“Bucky, you can’t go if you’re just going to yell at him.”

“I won’t.”

You studied his features. He was lying, you knew that. Of course he was going to snap at Sam for giving up the shield. He was mad and they got on each others’ nerves every chance they could find, so of course he was going to.

But you still found yourself saying yes and telling him to go pack a bag. You were never able to say no to Steve and it seemed that got passed on. What a nuisance it was.

****************

And you were so right. It was the first thing he said once Sam came into view coming down the stairs.

“You shouldn’t have given up the shield, Sam.”

“James.” You squeezed the hand he was holding, voice pleading for him not to do this right now. He huffed, stepping back to let you greet Sam properly, giving the man a hug. “Hi, Sammy.”

“It’s been a while.” Sam commented, pulling back and holding you by the shoulders. “You look good. Not that you’ve ever looked otherwise.”

You gave him a small smile. “You do too.”

“Thanks for coming. I know it’s short notice, but-”

“It’s fine, Sam. Really.” You insist.

Sam nodded, before eyeing Bucky. “Did you have to bring him?”

“Samuel-”

“This is wrong.” Bucky cut in, staring Sam down, falling into step besides him as the man started heading outside.

“James-”

“Hey, hey. Look. I’m working, all right?”

You rolled your eyes as the two started arguing, stopping your stride to take a breather. You used to joke about babysitting them, but it didn’t feel like a joke anymore and you were getting tired of it. All the bickering for no reason. The contempt they held for one another. Steve made you promise that you would look out for them, and you were trying, but they weren’t making it easy.

When you joined them again, you raised an eyebrow at the direction the conversation turned. How the hell did they get from arguing about the shield to what a wizard is?

“Ahh! Haha! A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat!”

You gave Sam a look as he babbled about how he was right. “Sorcerer Mickey has a hat. Isn’t that, like, how he gets his powers and everything?”

Bucky grinned at you. “Thank you!”

“Excuse you!” Sam scoffed, pointing an accusing finger at you. “We were having a conversation!”

“Yeah. A stupid conversation I just ended. Now I’m gonna be in the plane. Feel free to join me when you’re done being idiots.”

They both spluttered, but you were already walking away, leaving no room for arguments. As you loaded onto the plane, you spotted the Lieutenant whom Sam mentioned who had been helping him out with missions. Torres, you thought, remembering his name from a previous phone call with your friend.

“You Lieutenant Torres?” You asked, walking up to him.

He blinked, before his eyes widened, a grin appearing on his face. He seemed young, which you were perfectly okay with considering you’ve been working alongside old men for the past decade. It was always nice to work with a fresh face, which you found after you started working with Wanda and Peter.

The thought of the two youngest members made you falter, not having heard from either of them since Christmas almost six months prior, but you quickly recovered yourself, shaking away the worries you had for them.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N! I’m a huge fan! I’ve read all your files!”

Chuckling a little, you held out your hand. “Most of those are heavily classified.”

He ducked his head with a little blush, rubbing the back of his neck after shaking your hand. “I, uh, I might’ve…used connections.”

“It’s okay.” You reassured him, throwing him a wink. “I won’t tell. Can you tell me what’s going on? Sam didn’t exactly explain the situation.”

He nodded, getting into ‘work mode’, something you’ve seen in most military men, informing you of their recent missions and the group known as the Flag-Smashers and giving you a file on them. He was in the middle of telling you about his solo mission in Germany when your two fellas came in, sending each other small glares, but remaining quiet.

Bucky caught your eye and sent an apologetic look your way, to which you just smiled at before turning back to Torres.

“Well I’m glad you’re okay.” You told him once he was done.

“Oh yeah. It wasn’t that bad.”

You laughed and nodded. “I’m sure. You seem like a tough kid.”

He smiled, before looking around and jabbing his thumb behind his shoulder. “I-I’ve gotta go, but-”

“We can talk later.” You promised with a grin.

“Really?!”

“Of course! I have a feeling we’ll be working together more, and I like getting to know who’s gonna have my back.”

He beamed and nodded, walking backwards. “That’d be awesome! Talk to you later then!”

You giggled as he turned around and jogged off, pumping his fist in the air. You turned to a grinning Sam and nodded towards where Torres left. “I like him. Seems like a nice kid.”

“He is. Very energetic. A little reckless, but he’s got a good heart.”

You hummed, the smile falling from your face as you flipped through the file Torres gave you. “So…Munich?”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry again for taking you away from the search, but-”

“Search is off.” You informed him quickly, not looking up. “Until further notice.”

The plane went quiet, before Sam cleared his throat. “So…no sign of Wanda yet, then?”

You shut the file, looking up at the men whose features were laced with concern. “I’m gonna go talk to the pilot. Behave while I’m gone. No pushing each other off the plane.”

“Doll?”

You were stopped by the hand that grabbed your wrist as you passed Bucky. You shot him another smile, knowing it wasn’t convincing enough for him, but it being the best one you had. “I’m okay. I’ve just gotta ask him some questions.”

************

Opening your mouth to stop him, you groaned when Bucky jumped out of the plane before you could speak. First Sam jumps without sharing the plan, then Bucky jumps without having a plan. Or a parachute. Or wings. Or anything.

Torres looked at you, but all you could do was shrug. “I dunno what to tell you, kid.”

“You’re not gonna do that, are you?”

“No.” You reassured him, shaking your head. “I’m gonna wait ‘til we land like a normal person and take my bike. I just have to pray that they’ll wait to do anything stupid until I get there.”

They didn’t wait. You’re pretty sure they didn’t even think about waiting. By the time you got to them, they were fighting - and losing, might you add - to six really strong people on top of two semi trucks.

Because why wouldn’t they?

Oh, oh. And on top of that, the fake was there, throwing the shield. The shield that didn’t belong to him. The shield that meant so much more than he would ever know.

“Hi, doll! Sorry we started the party without you!” Bucky shouted from where he was hanging off the edge, that close to the street and getting his head torn off by the tire.

“I’m so tired of babysitting you two, you know that?!”

“Oh! Sorry we’re such an inconvenience for you! Blame him! He jumped the gun!” Sam shouted, coming to fly next to you as you rolled up your sleeves, standing on your bike, using one hand to steer.

“Can I get a little help already?!”

“Sam-!”

“On it!”

Knowing that no matter how much they pissed each other off, Sam would make sure Bucky was okay and vice versa, you focused on getting to the top, where Walker and a buddy of his were struggling a little bit.

You climbed up to the roof of the semi no one was on, wincing when you heard your bike skidding across the pavement. There goes half your salary.

You couldn’t dwell on it for very long, considering one of the guys appeared in front of you. You recognized the fighting - the strength - and faltered, a memory resurfacing at a very bad time.

~

“C’mon, honey. You can do better than that.” Steve grinned at you, holding out a hand to help you up.

“Excuse me for not having super strength, Rogers.” You huffed out, taking it and letting him pull you up.

“You don’t need to be stronger than me. You just need to be smarter.”

“That’ll be easy.” You teased, stretching your arms before getting into your stance again. “You’re a dumbass sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, who chose to be friends with this dumbass?”

“Everyone needs a dumbass for a friend.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “So I’m your dumbass?”

“If you want.”

The grin he shot you made your heart skip a beat. “If you’ll have me.”

~

You blinked, but Steve wasn’t in front of you anymore and you weren’t in the gym in DC. 

The guy caught the punch you distractedly threw and twisted your arm, making you cry out, kicking him in the back of the knee and flipping him over your shoulder.

You went to kick him again, but he caught your leg and threw you against the side of the other semi. You were able to grab onto where Bucky had ripped through the side, but you winced as the metal cut through your palm. Sam had just flown under the trucks, taking Buck with him, and you knew when a fight wasn’t worth it, so you quickly moved around the truck, letting Walker and his pal distract the Flag-Smashers, before letting yourself fall onto the side where the grass was.

You wanted to lay there, to catch your breath and curse yourself for getting distracted. You hadn’t had a flashback like that in a while. But you didn’t let yourself. You had to make sure the guys were okay.

Standing up made you cringe; you could feel the throbbing in your shoulder from where it was no doubt dislocated and your leg was aching, the muscle probably pulled when the guy threw you.

“Doll!” You turned, seeing Bucky and Sam sprinting towards you a few yards down the road. “Hey, hey.” Bucky immediately had his hands hovering over you, scanning your body. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, shoving his hands away. “I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“I think I dislocated it.”

Sam frowned. “What the hell happened?”

You gave him a weird look, starting to limp across the field to where you noticed a side road earlier. “They were super soldiers, Sam. And we got our asses kicked.”

“Yeah, but you know how to fight a super soldier-”

“It’s been a while.”

“Bullshit.” Sam side stepped in front of you, making you stop. “What happened?”

“I-I just got distracted, okay?”

“Y/N. Look at me.” Bucky took your face between his palms, eyes worried. “Are you okay?”

You nodded. A tired sigh left your lips and you looked anywhere but his eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just hurting. My leg, I think I pulled it or something-”

“C’mere.” Bucky turned and crouched down, making you blink.

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be walking. We don’t wanna make it worse.”

“But it’s just a strain, it won’t-”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Just get on the man’s back, Y/N.”

You bit your lip before sighing and carefully climbing on his back. He shifted you gently, making sure to hold your leg with caution, leaning his head into yours when you hooked your chin on his shoulder. “You-you don’t have to talk about what happened. Just-just know that when you do…I’ll be here, okay?”

You nodded, moving to press your nose against the column of his throat. “Okay.”

But you could never tell them. How could you? How could you tell the world’s longest POW that you were having nightmares? How could you complain to an Air Force vet who served two tours in Afghanistan and watched his best friend get blown out of the air that you were having flashbacks?

You weren’t sure if it was PTSD or anxiety or depression. Maybe all three. It didn’t matter, though, because you didn’t want to admit it. You wouldn’t admit it. No one thought the Blip messed you up that badly. No one thought Steve leaving did that much damage. And you were okay with that. You were okay with them thinking you were healing - that you were fine - because they needed to see that it could be done. That they could be fine, too. Especially the men walking, Sam teasing Bucky per usual.

It wasn’t until a horn honked that you allowed yourself to be pulled out of your thoughts. A scoff left you when you realized who it was, switching the side you were laying on so your cheek pressed up against the cool metal of his left shoulder, facing away from the jeep.

You tried ignoring the guy as he talked about working together and shit, taking a shuddering breath, making Bucky squeeze your uninjured thigh. There was no way you were working with him. You couldn’t. It’d be like betraying Steve and you didn’t need that on top of all the other things you were dealing with.

You couldn’t deny the need for a ride though. The airport was 20 miles away and you were hurting pretty bad. You suspected that was the reason the guys relented, Bucky tenderly setting you down in the jeep between him and Sam, careful of your injuries.

You stared at your lap as Walker and Sam talked shop. You understood where they were coming from, you were always able to see both sides of the coin, but it didn’t mean you were going to willingly work with him.

“I got mad respect for all of y’all, but you were kind of getting your asses kicked till we showed up.”

You scoffed at that, finally raising your eyes to meet Walker’s friend’s. “Like you were doing any better?”

Bucky reached over to grab her hand that was resting on her lap. “You know, I’ve been trying to get in contact with you.” Walker faced you, eyes raking down your form. Bucky shifted in his spot, but you ran your thumb over his knuckles before he could do or say anything stupid.

“Yeah. I know. My phone hasn’t stopped blowing up for a week. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Walker frowned. “If you just answered-”

“I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’ve been a little busy doing my job to blow smoke up your ass on national television. Sorry if my saving people’s lives has been an inconvenience for you, but some wannabe playing dress up isn’t my top priority.”

Walker’s brows furrowed and he was about to say something, when Bucky cut in, asking his friend who he was. You were already that close to jumping out of the jeep, when the guy, Hoskins, told you three that he went by ‘Battlestar’.

If the situation wasn’t so aggravating, you would’ve laughed when Bucky immediately told the driver to stop, opening the door before the car even stopped. “C’mere, doll.” He murmured, lifting you up into his arms bridal style, before walking off, tuning out Walker as he shouted after you two.

You pouted a little when you saw Sam still talking to the guy. “What’re they talking about, Buck?”

“Some nonsense about him not replacing Steve. Just trying to be the best Captain America he can.”

You laid your head against Bucky’s chest. “The best Captain America is Steve. He can never be Steve.”

“I know, doll.”

“Steve told me once that all he was trying to do was be a good man…it’ll always amaze me that he didn’t see he was the best.”

You missed the distraught look Bucky shot towards you, the look in his eyes almost heartbroken while you talked fondly about his best friend. The tortured scrunch to his features seemed to melt away at your next words, though, and he held you tighter as you curled into his hold.

“Just like it amazes me that you don’t know how important you are to me too, Buckaroo.”

[stormkobra-5]

The Heir of Djarin

Episode 4: Unsanctioned

Summary: Three months have passed, and the First Order has started cutting off supply convoys when they can find them. The most recent one has been a medical supply convoy, and now the Resistance is trying desperately to find a way to get what they need before they collapse. Good thing Poe and Laylah don’t have a problem disobeying orders for the greater good, right?...Right?

A/N: And so the story finally picks up! Enjoy a variety of Grogu/Beebs cuteness sprinkled with two best friends who might be in love but they don’t know, a brand new Hutt and some probably-inaccurate science references.

Notes: The Huttese I literally got from a Huttese translator on Google, so its accuracy is... questionable. Also, I know Luke Skywalker gave Shara Bey and Kes Dameron the Force tree to put in their backyard, but I changed it for... reasons...

Warnings: This story is rated 14+ for canon-typical violence, action, and language. The main character is recovering from a traumatic backstory for the sake of the plot, so there is mention of distrust, social anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional damage. Later chapters may involve mature themes for drug usage (spice), excessive alcohol consumption, and clubs that imply adult entertainment (the main characters do not take part). Nothing explicit in any chapters. This chapter involves drug usage (spice) and alcohol consumption (the main characters do not take part). There is also brief mention of previously fighting depression and suicide (the OC has since recovered).

_______________________________________________________________

   Three months have passed since my arrival at the Resistance base. Din and Grogu are still with me, having officially decided to stay, and the Slave is fully operational and entering-atmosphere safe. Sometimes Din will go on diplomatic missions and leave Grogu with me; carrying him around in a satchel is more work than I thought it’d be. He’s always grabbing at things, and more than once I’ve found he’s somehow sucked all the bacta out of a pack. The only thing that keeps him occupied are three things: sleep, a healthy supply of frogs I have to find and catch myself (therefore carrying an extra pack full of dead frogs), or those damn blue cookies that I have to refrain from eating myself.     Things have been quiet with the First Order, mostly, so missions are few as the Resistance tries to spare its resources for something drastic-- although somehow they keep pegging our supply convoys. Most recently was a medical supply convoy, and with a bunch of learning medic/doctors, that’s not very convenient. Dia has had to divvy up the time of a dozen medics just to ensure that there might be enough supplies for learning mistakes-- trust me, you’ll break a few tubes when you pull them out of the makeshift practice mannequin, and you’ll definitely waste some bandages and gauze. Shortening lessons shortens the number of items wasted or broken, so.     Unfortunately, that leaves me with way too much free time. I train, I help with what I can, sometimes I shadow Din, and sometimes I even go straight to Leia to see what else I can do to help. I can’t even help Poe or Beebs with anything, because they’re in the air almost all day drilling and patrolling. I don’t think there’s a time when the mountains aren’t alive with the roar of X-wing engines.   Except for today.   Today Black Squadron is taking a much-needed rest, and Poe sent BB-8 to bring me to them. I was in the middle of wandering aimlessly while trying to find somebody to assist, so I figured why not? I didn’t expect to enter the tarmac and find the whole of Black Squadron and a bunch of other pilots all gathered around cheering and passing bets between them. I tap the shoulder of Jess, who BB-8 discreetly avoids. Apparently she has a thing with getting droids blown up all the time.     “What’s going on?”     “The commander’s going up against Balfro!”      I’ve heard of Balfro. A tough, gray-skinned, broad-shouldered ex-bodybuilder from some planet I can never remember the name of. I’ve heard everybody makes it a point to challenge him to a boxing match. Guess I should’ve known that Poe would eventually end up in that mix. “Why am I not surprised?”     Over the course of the last few months, Poe and I have become close-- we tell each other everything, which is something I could never really do even with Din. I’ve told him every detail of my time on Earth; about how I’d fought off depression and suicide myself in my teen years because I didn’t want my family to worry, how it was prompted by the times I lived in and my evil father, and how I’d never really recovered from being turned away and abandoned by everyone my family met.     He’s told me about his childhood on Yavin, how he ran away and ended up with the spice runners of Kijimi before joining the Republic Navy-- and apparently he’s never really told anyone about being the whole Kijimi bit. “How would it look if the best pilot in the galaxy was an ex-spice runner?” He’d say. He told me about the mysterious Jedi who appeared one day at his house when he was little-- a Togruta, Ahsoka Tano-- and gave his parents a piece of the Force Tree to grow in their backyard. About how sometimes he feels like because of that, he might be a little Force-sensitive himself.     We’re close. Very close. We know each other better than we know ourselves and always gravitate toward one another when we’re near-- which is why, somehow, Poe’s ended up eating with Din and I if he’s in the mess hall, and Din pretends he doesn’t approve but he really does. He’s my one and only human friend, though I’m only one of his, so he always tries to incorporate me in anything the Black Squadron does on a rest day. It’s slow progress, because I’m still anxious around strangers (and because Snap and I are always trying to out-smartass each other), but nobody minds, and I appreciate the fact that he does that.    Although right now I’m wondering, really, how big of a dumbass he actually is.    Balfro is only 5’ 9", so he’s the same height as Poe, but man is he monstrous. He’s like an orc from Lord of the Rings. He’s got spikes on his head and a fricking eight pack, and the guy can do flips and kicks like he’s right outta Mortal Kombat. He always wears war paint, his teeth are filed to fangs, and the horns on his head give the distinct impression that he rams people if necessary. Dathomir, that’s where he’s from. I remember now. Balfro doesn’t really speak Galactic Basic-- he more grunts, more of the silent type-- so right now he’s roaring a stream of what’s probably some vulgar insults in his native language. He doesn’t even have boxing gloves on, not caring at all that his knuckles are busted and bleeding.     Poe, meanwhile, the cocky bastard, is literally hopping, ready for the next round, with an arrogant smirk on his face. He’s drenched in sweat, with his flight suit halfway unzipped and tied at his waist by the sleeves. His white tank top is covered in his own blood, because his lip and forehead are busted and he’s scraped up from being slammed into the duracrete. Does he even realize he’s bleeding? I don’t think so. I can tell already his forehead is going to need stitches.     I stand beside Snap with my arms crossed. “How long have they been at it?”     He answers without even shifting his position. “’Bout twenty minutes. The commander’s getting his ass whooped, but for some reason he thinks this is fun.”    “Dumbass.”    At this point I think BB-8 may have gotten me to patch Poe up, or maybe stop the fight. Before I can say anything at all, though, Poe lunges, manages to get a few hard hits in, and then Balfro’s actually picking him up, and throws him. Poe goes flying overhead, landing hard and with the breath knocked out of him behind us. Beebs and I rush over as the crowd cheers for Balfro’s win.    “Hey Bez,” He wheezes as he rolls onto his back, wincing.    “Hey dumbass,” I quip, leaning over him with my hands on my knees. “Got your ass beaten good enough yet? Or you want a broken bone in there with the internal bleeding and concussion?”    He pretends to think about that for a second. “Nah, I’m good.”    “Good.” I gesture to his whole body generally. “By the way, without all the blood, this is really a hot look for you.”   He tries to laugh, but the effort makes him grunt with pain. Instead, he forces a bloody grin through his wincing and flinching. “Thanks, Bez.” For some reason he thinks I’m joking-- though, we’ve always had this flirty kind of banter going, so maybe he thinks I am.    “Mando!” Roars Balfro from behind, and I whirl around. By now everybody knows me even without my armor, which I haven’t worn since my arrival. Being addressed by the massive, furious creature is absolutely terrifying. He can say few words in Basic, so his next sentence is clipped. He bangs his chest in challenge like a gorilla. “Fight! No armor!”    “You want me to fight you?” This guy could break me.    “Mando...” Balfro growls out, “Coward?” The gathered crowd oohs, looking back and forth, and everybody passes out new bets while finishing paying the ones from the previous fight. Balfro urges them on, throwing his arms up at them and cheering. Mandalorian coward? I think the kriff not.    Poe’s hand shoots out and grabs my ankle, holding on tight-- I’m may be fit now, but I’m still extremely thin. His whole hand fits around my ankle with room to spare; I’m wearing capri pants though, so he’s holding bare skin. At first I freeze, unused to the contact and ready to tear myself away from him-- but then I relax. This is Poe. He’s safe. My heart is calming down as my eyes trail up his arm to his face to meet his eyes, filled of warning. His brow furrows and he shakes his head minutely. “Bez. Don’t.”    I shake him off. Din trained me to use my size against large opponents. I already know where to hit him. In all seriousness, I say to Poe, “Watch and learn, Poe. Watch and learn.” He’s a pilot, so he’s been trained in various forms of combat, clearly, but not like I have. Not like a Mandalorian.     Poe rolls his eyes. I help him to his feet and limp over to Snap, who keeps him steady and standing. Poe tries to hand me the boxing gloves, but I shove them back at him and shake my head. His brow furrows even further, concerned for both my safety and sanity. “Laylah...” He only uses my first name when he’s extremely serious, which has only been a handful of times so far. Usually I listen to him when he says my first name, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can do this, even if Balfro is unfairly ginormous.    “This is how a Mandalorian does it.”     BB-8 beeps worriedly. Though Binary isn’t an exact language, I can feel his frustration. I brought you here to get him to stop, and now you’re doing it? Humans.     Balfro and I face each other. I take up no visible fighting stance, but I’m ready-- all my training kicks to the forefront of my mind. Balfro grins, and I see his muscles tense up before he lunges, giving me a split-second warning. I take a single step and spin, bending backward to go right under his arms as he tries to close them around me with intent to crush me. I come up behind him and deliver a hard elbow to a pressure point in his back that makes his legs crumple out from underneath of him, sending him sprawling face-first on the duracrete.    For a few seconds, there’s silence, and I’m not ashamed to be very, very smug. Poe’s face is priceless. “What? Nothing?”    Then they’re cheering. “Man-do! Man-do! Man-do!” Poe cheers with them for a second as I take it in. That’s right. This is how it’s done. Then I’m seeing all their faces at once, and all the attention gets to be too much-- especially Balfro’s scowling face as he stands, eyeing me with a furious glint in his gaze that sends me hurrying to Poe. He subtly shifts so that he’s between me and Balfro-- we both know he probably won’t actually attack me, but the paranoid fear still has me in flight-or-fight mode. Though Poe can walk on his own, overcoming the initial pain of his injuries, he has an arm around my shoulders and keeps his side flush against me. We exit the crowd and move over to a nearby stack of supplies, where I make him sit on a nearby crate of bolts so that I can check him. BB-8 follows closely with a series of whistles and beeps.    Poe doesn’t say anything until he’s sitting. “That was awesome, Bez. You’ve gotta teach me that sometime. Or is it the Way?” He grabs a couple bolts laying on the lid and starts rolling them between his fingers, bouncing his leg rapidly; yes, he does have ADHD, which I thought was extremely odd given his occupation. On Earth that would be a factor that would disqualify one from fighter pilot consideration, right? When I brought it up, Poe had only laughed. “Keeps me sharp in the air. Why do you think I get in trouble so much for doing stuff I’m not supposed to? I do it because I have to, I need to move. So if I’m sittin’ in a X-wing for eight hours, I’m gonna need to do a couple barrel rolls.”    I chuckle, shaking my head in fond amusement as he starts tossing a bolt between his hands. I gently pull his thick hair away from a clump of blood on the back of his head. “Can’t show you our martial arts unless you’re a Mandalorian. Ready to take the Creed?”    “Hell no. That armor won’t fit in my cockpit.” After a second of rapidly drumming his fingers on his thigh while his other hand messes with a bolt, he smiles, trying to catch my eye as I inspect his wounds. “Though that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about how badass I would be in beskar to match Black One.”    I can picture it easily enough. Black beskar with orange highlights. I can’t imagine what Poe would do if given a jetpack. “Ooh. That would be badass.”    He leans his head back to look at me, pulling his wound away from my attention. I move his head back to its original position so I can continue my assessment. “You said something about having Boba Fett’s armor...”    I swat his arm, realizing too late that it’s already bruising.    “Ow.”    His attention isn’t really on what I just did, but on the idea of wearing beskar and the bolt. “That armor is to be passed on to foundlings, Poe. Boba’s wishes.”    He tosses the bolt up and catches it. “I could be a foundling.”    “Foundlings are children taken in by the Mandalorians,” I chuckle, just picturing Din taking him under his wing, too. “Not full-grown men.”   His eyes flick up to try and counter my statement with a childish glare. “It’s not like I’m old.”   Snickering, I use a nearby rag to swipe away the drying blood under the cut on his forehead. “No, you’re just too old to be a foundling.”   His eyebrows shoot up, interrupting my work. “If a teenage girl can be a Mandalorian, I can do it in three years at the much-more-mature age of twenty-eight.”    I rub the spot between his thick brows until he relaxes his forehead. “A, you’re thirty-one, you liar.” He grimaces, tossing the bolt up and catching it. “B, it took me three years to become a Mandalorian, working every day strictly for that goal, which you don’t have time for. And C, I’m not a teenage girl. I’m a grown woman.”    He taps the bolt against my hip pointedly. “Bez, I don’t care how mature you are, you’re in that gray area between ages. You still have a teen in your age, but you’re also a young woman, so.”     I step back for a second to mock glare at him. “What, you think I act like a teenager?”    “No, you act like you’re my age,” He replies honestly, and I go back to inspecting his injuries. “But technically you’re still a teenager. Emotionally...” He drops the bolt and it rolls away. BB-8 goes rolling after it to retrieve it before it causes somebody to hurt their foot. With a shrug, Poe grabs another bolt. “You’re a lot older than just nineteen.”    “Thank you, Dameron.”    “You’re welcome, Djarin.”    I’m in the middle of inspecting the matted blood in the hair behind his ear when he pokes me in the stomach, trying to get my attention. “Somebody’s looking for you.”    I turn to find Reli, a medic I’ve sometimes trained with. She has dark circles beneath her eyes and she crosses her arms, looking sullen and defeated. The kriff’s wrong with you. “There you are, Djarin. I’ve been looking for you.”    “Oh? What for?”    “Dia needs us. It’s important.” She frowns when she sees Poe, who nonchalantly waves. Apparently when he comes back from missions, he more often than not rushes to the medbay with a broken bone or two. I haven’t seen that yet, but I have known him long enough to see that he’s usually always injured in some little way or another. Reli gestures at him vaguely, impatiently, before turning away, not looking to see if we’re actually following. “Bring him, too.”    Reli is silent, and though I want to ask questions, I don’t. I’ll learn the answers in time. I just have to be patient. When we reach the medbay, Dia is standing with all of the medics-in-training gathered in front of her, looking very distraught and worried. I guide Poe to a bed where a more experienced medic begins to treat him, and then I follow Reli to the far side of the medbay, where Dia awaits.     Once we’re all accounted for, she begins to speak. She shakes her head as if to contradict whatever bad news she has for us. “...There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just get right to the point. The First Order has intercepted another medical convoy, and now all of our suppliers refuse to act since they’ve been found out. Finding new ones will be difficult, since the First Order broadcasts their victories so obviously. Everyone’s scared.     “Because of this, I need medics who have finished or almost finished their training. Those of you whom have not, the most I can let you do is what you do already, treating lesser injuries. Until we find a new supplier and receive a new shipment, your medical training is suspended... indefinitely.”     Everything else she says fades to background noise as it hits me. Suspended... For how long? It wasn’t just the selfish anger I felt, the anger at having my future put on hold again, the flashbacks to Earth where my father’s greed and the people we were surrounded by made it so we were always. Waiting. I feel the anger of a medic being denied the supplies with which to help people. How many people will we lose if we can’t treat them? Without a working medbay the Resistance might as well be finished.     Taking from me is one thing. I’m used to waiting. But these people, who desperately need it? They can’t do that to them. They can’t put them into the endless cycle of waiting that’s the theme of Earth.     I’m leaving the medbay before I realize it. I’m so angry, everything’s a blur. The rage builds, and builds, and then it all comes out in a burst of fury so intense I slam both fists into a wall. I feel a tremor of something else that cracks the rock. I don’t have time to be worried about what I just did, about the fact that my hands are bleeding now and pieces of rock are actually falling off, because someone’s grabbing my shoulder and I turn, ready to hit them hard--    --but it’s just Poe.    Poe. The fury evaporates, but not the anger. I all but collapse, leaning on his chest and trying to calm down-- I feel not just rage anymore, but fear. What just came of my anger has me scared. The fact that Poe glances nervously at the wall before putting his arms around me only makes it worse. “What the hell happened?”    My tone is laced with venom as I choke out, “The First Order. They’ve effectively blocked all our medical supplies.”    I pull back as he’s clenching his jaw. “We’ll find a way. We always do.” It sounds like he’s half trying to convince himself of that. His lips are pursed and his eyes are narrowed, and the stubble makes him look all the more serious-- then I realize he still has the strings of stitches hanging out of his forehead and manage a small smile. I reach up to finish the work real quick. One of his hands rapidly see-saws his wrench between two fingers, the other fidgets with my belt, and he bounces his leg impatiently, moving his head as he scans our surroundings absentmindedly. The gears in his head are turning-- he gets this certain light in his eyes when he’s thinking of a plan.    When I finish, Poe pockets his wrench and spins me around by my belt until I’m facing away from him. He gives me a bit of a shove down the hall, taking me by the elbow and pulling me along with him. BB-8 beeps a question, but I ask it for both of us. “Where are we going?”    Poe unties the sleeves of his flight suit and shrugs it on, zipping it up to try and retain some semblance of professionalism. I have a feeling we’re gonna need to make a stop by his bunk for him to wash off real quick. “To go see what we can do about it.”

                                                       -  -  -

   “I can’t sanction a mission to gain new supplies with any good conscience,” Leia says to the room full of commanders. Every single one is here, and she stands in the center of the circular room, holding all of our attention. “Not until we have more information. Everywhere we go the First Order lurks, and we’re always caught in ambushes.” She extends an arm toward Din. “Commander Djarin is leaving for Tenbari in an hour. Hopefully he can get new supplies for us there.”    “Hopefully?” Admiral Ackbar scoffs in disbelief. “Tenbari would rather send all their fusion technology to the First Order than give us medicine! They hate the Resistance just as much as they hate them, if not more! Why would they help us?”    “Any hope is better than nothing, Ackbar,” Leia replies steadily. She doesn’t seem worried externally, keeping cool and confident, but I’m sure she’s plenty concerned right now.    “What about a deal?” Poe speaks up from beside me. Somehow nobody’s questioned the fact that he has both BB-8 and myself beside him, though neither of us are exactly allowed in here. I catch a gleam in his eye and I know the gears in his head are turning just as rapidly as the wrench he’s drumming on his thigh.    Leia regards him carefully, like she knows she’s gonna regret asking. “What did you have in mind?”    “Some places might have unregistered medical supplies. We’ve just gotta know where to look.” He pauses to see if anyone objects, then stands to address the whole of the room, coming to pace by Leia. “Any of you heard of Tiersa?”    “The old prison colonies?” Admiral Statura asks reluctantly, and Poe nods.    “Yeah. Once the planet was freed up, some gangs set up shop there.” Even as people start shaking their heads and muttering, Poe continues unwaveringly. “One of them in particular deals with excess supplies disgarded by the First Order, or even stolen. Food, weapons... medicine. Edda Hutt.”     “Edda Hutt is cruel,” Din says sternly; it looks like Poe jumps a bit. Din has so far succeeded in making Poe think he doesn’t like him, much less approve of us being friends. “And unreasonable. His prices run way too high. We can’t afford it.”    “He doesn’t always deal in credits,” Poe counters, confident. “Besides, it can’t hurt to look. We’re desperate enough, aren’t we? How many of you are absolutely certain that somebody will give us supplies before the Resistance collapses?”    Leia turns her head, catching his eye. Her eyes narrow. For a second, it seems as if she briefly considers it, but then she says, “You’re suggesting we send someone to a planet which has a crime rate so high they actually count the days nothing happens instead, to ask a Hutt a question.”    “I’ll go,” My blurted offer makes everyone turn to face me with surprise, even Poe-- or, in Din’s case, a warning to shut up and stop being stupid. I’m surprised by what I’ve just said. BB-8 whistles unsurely. But I cross my arms and keep my expression unreadable. “You’ve all seen me fly the Slave. Dad can attest to my skills otherwise. I can get the information and get back here unscathed.”    “Can you speak Huttese fluently? Or at least understand it?” Ackbar questions.    This catches me off-guard, and I suddenly realize why it sounds like such a stupid idea. You kinda need to understand the Hutt to make a deal with the Hutt, dumbass. I shift nervously, trying to keep an embarrassed flush off my face. I’m overly-aware of everyone’s eyes on me. “W-Well, no, but--”    Ackbar bobs his head in confirmation, turning to the address the rest of the gathered assembly. “Then you can do nothing here! Tiersa is off the table.”    Leia nods slowly, eyes flicking over me for a second; I avert my gaze, instead focusing on Poe, who looks sympathetic and determined to push his case. Leia has the attention of the whole group, though, so Poe can only try to interrupt respectfully and without speaking over her. “I agree with Ackbar. We won’t go to Tiersa, not yet. We’ll wait until Commander Djarin returns from Tenbari. We have a few other prospective ideas; Tiersa will be a last resort.” She surveys the room as if asking for objections-- and to give Poe and I a look of warning-- and then nods, confirming that most of the room is in agreement. “Dismissed.”     Poe and I leave immediately, side-by-side and frustrated. BB-8 whirs anxiously, sensing we’re thinking about what to do. I know exactly what he’s contemplating. I only need to give him the final shove. Luckily the departing commanders are lingering in the conference room, discussing alternatives and other solutions that everybody knows aren’t gonna work. I lean closer to Poe and lower my voice so he can hear me. “When do we leave?”     “What?” He plays dumb. He makes the most exaggerated what you’re crazy look I’ve ever seen anyone give in my life. To anyone else it might even seem half-believable. But he’s doing the nervous-wrench twirl, the one he does when he’s thinking of doing something that will definitely get him in trouble but he’s definitely gonna do it anyway.     I half shrug, nonchalant. “This was your idea. When do we leave?”     He looks around to see if anyone heard me and then pulls me into a nearby hallway, where he leans close and lowers his voice to an almost-whisper. “You heard Leia. We can’t go without an order.”     My eyebrow goes nearly to my hairline. “The fact that you’re dragging me off to the side to whisper about how we can’t go makes me think you’re going to.” He frowns, trying to say something in a poor defense, but I interrupt him by lifting a finger. “Ah-ah! Sh! Listen: she didn’t say we couldn’t go,” I point out, “She said we as in the Resistance in general, not we as in Poe Dameron, Laylah Djarin, and the one-and-only BB-8.”    His dark eyes search my face for a moment, then he drops his head with an exasperated shake. He starts spinning the wrench again. “You’re gonna do this with or without me, aren’t you?”    I scoff, making him look up at me from under his brow. “Aren’t you? You need your badass Mandalorian best friend to watch your back, I need a guide and a Hutt-translator, Mr. Ex-Spice Runner. I’ll be at the Slave in an hour. We can’t take your X-wing anyway.” I start to walk away, but he stops me-- the wrench is back somewhere in his pockets, both of his hands on my shoulder. Currently, all of his focus in on me. I’m used to him having something else besides me to occupy his attention, so this is... unusual.   I don’t think I’ve ever seen Poe this serious as he tries to get across the gravity of what we’re doing here. “We do this, there’s no going back. You might get demoted, or your training suspended anyway, or you might not even be allowed to be a medic anymore. You might be considered unreliable, and then what?”   “I don’t give a damn what happens to me,” I hiss under my breath, “What I care about is getting the Resistance the medical supplies that they need. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. We all know it’ll be a miracle of any of these planets give us aid. But this Edda Hutt-- how steep are his prices, exactly?”    Poe scoffs, somehow shaking his head in disbelief and nodding to emphasize his point all at once. “They usually involve somebody dying to get him some obscure piece of whatever. That’s how steep.”    “Oh, well, that’s it?” I chirp as if that’s perfectly reasonable, “Alright, now I’ve got a heads-up.” He shakes his head, grip tightening on my shoulders. “I’m doing this, Poe.”    “We’re doing this,” He corrects sharply, his dark eyes locking with mine. There’s a spark of amber in them, like fire. “I’m not letting you go alone-- you can’t, you’ll never find Tiersa...” He straightens up a bit, putting his hands on his hips. “...And this was my dumbass idea anyway.”    Resolved, we agree to meet at the Slave in an hour. I swing through the armory first, grabbing a stunner-- I know I’m gonna need it. I’m at my room in five minutes, and have finished putting on my beskar save for the helmet in twenty. Someone knocks at the door just as I’m about to leave and have finished scrawling a note that says:

   Dad, sorry I had to stun you to get off the base on a mission I’m not supposed to go on. I promise I’ll be careful and listen to all your lectures when I get back. Tell Grogu I’ll be back soon. Love you.

    I hear the code being inputted. Kriff... I hear distinct jangling as Din enters. I hang my head, avoiding his gaze as I stand up, setting a bag packed full of food and first-aid supplies down on my cot. Din places Grogu on the bed next to my pack before turning to me, trying to seem imposing-- even with the armor, he just isn’t to me anymore. He’s Dad. His voice is firm but still it’s usual calm level when he says, “Don’t do this, Laylah. It’s too dangerous.”    I try to meet where his gaze might be. It’s hard to tell. “I’m a Mandalorian. Danger is just a part of my religion as weapons.”    “And is risking the lives of others? That’s carelessness,” Din counters swiftly, and I bet he’s narrowing his eyes at me. “Dameron’s willing to follow you through hellfire, but would you really let him? The Resistance needs him-- needs you. If anything happens to either of you, not only will they be short medical supplies, but they’ll have lost two of their best pilots.” I save my ass from crashing one time, and suddenly I’m Han Solo? His head snaps over to Grogu, who is rummaging in my bag and pulling out the blue cookies. “Grogu. No.” Grogu whimpers plaintively as he plops down and stares at the cookies wistfully, ears drooping.    We look right back at each other. I say, convicted, “Nothing’s going to happen to me-- or to Poe-- because of our mutual decision of reckless behavior that may or may not get what we need.”    Din sighs, shaking his head and crossing his arms. “You can’t know that for certain.”    “Not unless I make it happen.” I’m surprised by how strong and determined it comes out, when I’m worried and concerned myself. “If we don’t do something soon, the First Order is going to win. You know what’ll happen if we don’t get supplies-- and you know as well as I do that nobody’s going to give them to us.”    “Let me go to Tenbari first.”    “We can’t wait that long, Dad,” I turn away, starting to grab the strap of my bag. And the stunner, but Din’s so worried that he doesn’t see. That, and he’s trained me well. “We’re going. And we’ll be careful. I promise.” Before he can say anything else, I take a deep breath, heart pounding. “Sorry, Dad.” I yank the blaster out and stun him without a second thought.    He falls with an oof, sprawled out on my floor. I stare at him for a second, shocked. Kriff. I just stunned my kriffing dad. I just attacked him. I wonder if he’s going to abandon me after this, abandon me for betraying him for the greater good. I’m going to fully expect it. I sway, trying to fight something that feels like a panic attack. I’m shaking so badly I fall to the ground, back against my nightstand. It’s done. It’s over. I’ve just ruined my relationship with my dad. He’s gonna hate me after this. He’s not gonna want anything to do with me. I start to hyperventilate. I think I might be apologizing repeatedly, but I can’t be sure.    Stop it. You promised Poe you’d be at the Slave.    Poe.    I need to get to Poe and finish this mission. Get the supplies for the Resistance. Whatever happens with Din, I’ll at least have Poe.    I snatch my bag, pull my helmet on, look at Din again. I’m pretty sure I’m crying now. “I’m so sorry, Dad.” I leave my room after putting my note in his hand. Maybe by some miracle he won’t leave me. “Bye Grogu.” I close my door. Din should only be out of it for an hour or so, so we need to be out of here quickly.    I ignore the looks of confusion as I rush to the Slave, but thankfully everyone is too intimidated by the armor of a Mandalorian to approach me. When I reach the Slave, the ramp is already down, and Poe is already inside with BB-8, spinning a wrench between his hands. On the ground beside him is his own pack. When he hears me come up into the ship, he looks up, putting the wrench in his pocket. Raising his eyebrows, he points behind me, and I turn to see Captain Connix hurrying to the Slave with a bunch of soldiers with her. With them also is Admiral Statura, looking very very agitated, and I know we’re in trouble, because he usually remains extremely calm. Now he looks pissed.    “Dank farrik...” I slam my hand on the button to close the ramp and toss Poe my bag. He sets it on top of his and secures them both with the seat belts as I run to the cockpit. “Strap yourselves in, guys.”    I’m climbing into the cockpit, powering up the Slave, when the comlinks blare to life. “Djarin, your departure is unauthorized.” I don’t recognize the voice, but I can almost feel Leia standing nearby on the other side. “Please power down your ship and exit--” I flip the comlinks off. Kriff. I’m doing a lot of horrible things today. Takeoff is nothing like it was before; smooth and easy. After a few seconds, the engines are blasting us up, vertical, and then we’re speeding off toward space.    An alarm goes off as an X-wing patrol tries to intercept us, but the Slave is more maneuverable than ever before. I pitch the throttle and we abruptly dive, before leveling out and blasting up underneath of them toward free space. They’re on our tail, though, undeterred, and I have to punch the lightspeed button as soon as I see blackness with the only destination I can think of: Yëa.    As soon as we’re in the blue tunnel of streaming starlight, I lean back in the seat, taking several deep breaths. Adrenaline and anxiety buzz together, and I have to sit there for a second and convince myself that we just disobeyed orders for a damn good reason. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Dad cares about me, right? Right?    I hear Poe coming up behind me, and I turn to look at him out of the corner of my eye as he reaches the landing behind my seat. He doesn’t look as stunned as I am-- probably because he does this kind of thing a lot. Which is good, because having somebody with experience on this little trip really helps. “...Did we just do that?” He nods gravely, and I face the window, trying to stop shaking. “Yeesh, we’re in so much trouble...”    “They’ll thank us later,” Poe assures both himself and me, then adds, “After they’re done yelling at us.” He leans forward to try and see the coordinates I’ve entered. “Where are we going?”    “We had to get away from the patrols fast, so, I inputted Yëa’s location. Anybody else know where Tiersa is? We might be met with a friendly ambush trying to knock some sense into us.”    Poe chuckles, shaking his head. “Everybody knows of Tiersa. But the only ones who can actually find it are those who already know where it is.”    I bury my helmeted face in my hands, laughing quietly at the absurdity of that statement. It’s times like this where I wonder if I’m just having an elaborate dream influenced by reality, but if that’s the case, where the hell are the elves and dragons? I lean back, tilting my head up to see Poe looking very concerned, raising an eyebrow at me and frowning. I manage through my laughter, “What is this? Pirates of the Caribbean?”   His face smooths out and he smirks a little. “...Is that some Earth reference I’m not gonna get?”   “Yeah.”   Poe shrugs, nodding in understanding. “Just checking.” He pats my shoulder. “By the way, you now have grappling hook marks in the walls of your ship.”   “In the walls of my--” The Slave?! Kriffing grappling hook marks when we spent so long making her shiny and new?! “What the hell did you need a grappling hook for?!”   Poe looks sympathetic. Probably because if anyone dares to scratch his baby Black One, things happen. I once seen him enter the mess hall looking all scruffy and covered in grease demanding who the hell clipped his X-wing with theirs, fully prepared to kick somebody’s ass. When the guy tried to sneak away into the kitchens, I then witnessed how fast Poe Dameron can run, even sliding over the tables as a shortcut to grab the guy and drag him out onto the tarmac to fix the scratches himself. “Not me; Beebs. He needed to hold on until we were level. I couldn’t find any other place to strap him down. I’ll patch ’em up when we get back, don’t worry.”      Luckily, I understand. Laying down in those space-shuttle-like seats can’t be easy for a little droid, and it’s certainly disorienting at first even for a person. “Understandable.”    He gestures to the streaking lightspeed out the window. “You should just drop out here. Commander Djarin knows you’ve only got a handful of coordinates in this thing, so where do you think he’s gonna try to find you?”    “You’re right.” I really do not want to run into him after what I did, so I drop out, and we’re in the middle of nowhere. Nothing but vast, black emptiness for as far as the eye can see. I turn to Poe questioningly. “Now what?”    He slides onto the tiny ledge between the seat and the control panel, gripping the back of my seat for balance as he leans over, reaching for it; he takes a second, scanning the old setup for the navicomputer. I scoff a little under my breath when I realize where my eyes are drawn to. “Nice ass.”

  “Thanks,” He replies in full seriousness without pausing his search, then, “...Where the hell is your navicomputer?” I point to it almost accusingly. He inputs the coordinates in a format I’ve never seen before, then launches us back into lightspeed before I can warn him. Even with the upgrades, the initial jolt still gives us some turbulence.     Poe yelps as he loses his grip on the chair and slips off the ledge. He slams into the transparisteel window on his back, still sore from being thrown onto the duracrete. I flip on autopilot and hop down just as he catches his breath and is rolling onto his side with extreme difficulty. “Yeah. That hurt.”    “I bet.” With my help, he’s back up on the ledge and is moving toward the seats behind the pilot’s chair. Every third step apparently warrants an “ow,” and I purposefully pat his sore back a couple of times. “It’s your own fault, y’know.”      “Ow ow ow. Was that really necessary?” He turns to look at me in mock-betrayal.    I try and fail to stifle a chuckle. “Maybe you’ll think twice about challenging somebody like Balfro to a wrestling match next time.”    “Maybe. No promises.”  He starts to go back to his seat, then stops, staring at me expectantly as I take my seat. I stop and wait for him to ask whatever it is he’s wanting to. He sounds like a little kid when he says, “...Can I fly for a bit?”    “No,” I reply immediately. Not out of fear for the Slave, because he could drop us out of lightspeed right now and send us into death-defying maneuvers near the corona of a sun, and I’d completely trust him. I tell him no because his face is priceless.    “Dammit.” Poe goes to his seat, muttering to himself, and I turn back to the controls, deciding to keep it on autopilot for awhile. Something feels off. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’ve just stunned my dad and broken every rule the Resistance ever had, not to mention I disobeyed a direct order-- but... Something feels different. I cross my arms, suspicious but unable to act on anything. I worry myself into a dozing state, my half-dreams of Din abandoning me and Leia being so ashamed that she kicks me out of the Resistance interspersed by sunshine-snippets of Poe singing softly to himself and making a beat with his wrench on the wall of the ship.

                                                         -  -  -

    I wake up to BB-8’s frantic whistling and beeping. It makes me nervous as soon as I hear it. The off feeling is even worse now. Kriff, there’s somebody on the ship that’s not supposed to be.    “What is it, buddy?” I hear Poe ask, then repeat dubiously, “...What do you mean there’s something moving in her pack?”    I twist around in the cockpit, alarmed. “What do you mean there’s something moving in my pack?!” I make sure the ship is still on autopilot and hurriedly climb around to find Beebs and Poe both staring at my bag as it crawls across the floor of the grated platform with a life of its own. After a second, Poe nods decisively, turning to face me with his hands on his hips.    “I’m gonna shoot it.”    “Don’t shoot it!”    “Say that when you open it to find a spider as big as your head.”    I rush forward with an awful, horrible suspicion. Nah, that can’t happen. Nah, he was on the bed, right? I said goodbye to him and everything. I tear the flap open, reach inside, and scoop out a familiar green face, proving that he was not on the bed when I’d left my bunk earlier. “GROGU?!”    He babbles incoherently, probably trying to formulate an acceptable excuse as to why he stowed away. He’s even flinging his arms about like there’s no way in hell he can possibly be held accountable for his actions. Poe whistles low under his breath, avoiding meeting my gaze. I turn to Poe desperately. “What the hell do we do?!”     This time, he can’t hold back a laugh of disbelief. “Why are you asking me?”     “You’re older than me! You’ve been adulting for longer!” I cry, but even as I say it I hear how stupid that sounds.     Poe scoffs, putting his hands on his hips after gesturing vaguely at Grogu. “Well I can tell you right now I’ve got twelve more years of adulting experience than you do, and I have no idea what to do. I’ve never had a baby stow away on my X-wing.” Beebs beeps in affirmation.     I shift the way I’m holding Grogu, imagining the absolute terror Din must be feeling right now. Does he think I took him on purpose, or does he figure he stowed away? “Should we drop out of lightspeed, turn around?”     “Too late now,” Poe shrugs, trying (and failing) to hide the fact that he’s attempting not to laugh. “We’re almost to Tiersa. If we go back now, we can kiss the deal with Edda goodbye. We’re not gonna get out of there easily again.”    Grogu agrees with a tiny little sound I hardly catch. I don’t know if we should keep going or head back-- but if we do that, we’ll never get off D’Qar again. And honestly? I’m not really ready to face Din’s reaction to me stunning him or taking his kid. Or potentially getting booted from the Resistance. Vocally, I try to reason with myself and Poe. “Poe, we can’t go on some daring mission with Grogu with us! He’s a baby!”    Beebs lets out a slew of beeping noises. Poe nods along with him for a second, listening very seriously, and then raises his eyebrows at me points to him as if BB-8 knows best. At this point, he probably does. “Droid’s got a point. Djarin did it all the time in his younger days if the stories he tells are true.”      Helplessly, I hold Grogu and am suddenly really regretting doing this. Why why why why why? Why? Wait... Then I realize why he was in my bag, heart sinking to my boots. My eyes widen with realization and I lean down to dig through the contents, finding a very empty pack of cookies and my bag full of crumbs. “He wanted the cookies. Dad told him no-- Maker, Poe, he came because of the damn cookies!”    He turns, putting his hands on the back of his head; when he turns back around, he’s almost laughing. “And what have we learned about your sweet tooth? You have no self-control and will eat a whole cake by yourself if left unattended, even attended--”    “That was one time--”    “--and you attract stowaway infants on dangerous missions."    I sigh, running a hand down the length of my helmet. “Great. Perfect. Now not only are we breaking rules, but I just accidentally kidnapped my baby brother.”    BB-8 beeps low, and rolls away to hide under a seat with a whir of anxiety. Poe is desperately trying not to laugh, half-pacing because every time he looks at us he almost busts out laughing. “Gotta tell you something, though: your dad’s gonna be pissed.” He bites his knuckles to stifle the laugh that nearly escapes him, wincing at the very idea. I glare at him even as Grogu tries to shove his last cookie in my face as a peace offering. This mission may very well be a bust, because Din isn’t likely to be unaware of our location for long.    “You ever hear the story of when Grogu was kidnapped by Moff Gideon?”    Poe puts his hands on his hips, taking up a very serious air about him, though the corners of his mouth twitch as he fights a grin. Matter-of-factly, he says, “And your dad went and rounded up a bunch of Mandalorians and old friends to storm his ship, won the Darksaber, and summoned Luke Skywalker somehow?” He nods for emphasis when he sees my expression; Din doesn’t often tell his stories, but when he does they spread quickly. I was never aware that he’d told that one; it’s rare to hear it from him. I’m sorry I missed it. “Yeah. I’ve heard it. Wouldn’t be surprised if he jetpacks right through the cockpit window any second now.”     “We’ve made a horrible mistake...” I sigh as I brush crumbs off of Grogu’s robe and face, trying to remain calm.     Poe comes closer, going from teasing to reassuring in just a second. “I’m sure Djarin’s trying to find us, but he won’t. Not here. Which means you’re in charge of protecting Grogu now, and I’ll help you. Nothing’s gonna hurt that little guy so long as we’re around. But if we turn around now, with nothing to show for it? We’ll have just disobeyed an order for no reason. We have to keep going.”     I’m already nodding; I can’t back out now, anyway. What kind of Mandalorian does that? I already swore to protect Grogu. Like, it’s pretty much completely legal according to Mandalorian law if I take him, technically. Probably. “So now we have two goals: protect Grogu, and make a deal with Edda Hutt.”     Poe inclines his head, glad I’m getting it, and turns his attention to Grogu. “Hey, buddy. We’re on a very dangerous mission right now, so you have to do everything your big sister and I say, alright? We’re gonna keep you safe.”     “Badu,” Grogu agrees-- at least, I hope he agrees, instead of saying yeah ha ha whatever I’ll just be doing my own thing.     Poe beams and holds up his hand for a high-five, which Grogu awkwardly returns. “Alright, great.” He straightens up with a sigh, twirling his wrench in one hand and suddenly serious. “When we get to Tiersa, you’ve gotta follow my lead. Edda knows me from when I was a spice runner; we did some deals together, but not many because of how he runs things. He doesn’t know you, and he’s less inclined to make a deal with somebody he doesn’t know.”     “He hold up his end of the bargains?” This is what I’m worried about. A hopeless, useless endeavor that may have cost me my relationship with my father.     He huffs, shaking his head. “Always, if you could get what he wanted. I almost died twice making deals with him. He may be an evil slimeball, but he’s an evil slimeball of his word.” He notices that I don’t really respond to this, that I’m standing there quietly bouncing Grogu up and down and looking down at the floor. He nudges my shoulder. “You alright there, Bez?”     I shake my head. “I stunned my dad for this. I accidentally kidnapped his kid. He’s probably gonna hate me.”    “You say his kid as if you’re not one of ’em,” Poe scoffs, trying to make it sound lighthearted, but there’s sympathy in his eyes and the way his smile suddenly seems forced. He knows how scared I am about being abandoned... Which seems absolutely obsolete compared to the worry about getting the necessary supplies for the Resistance. I have to push my personal feelings aside to focus on the mission, I know this, but it’s hard. I’ve never done it before. His voice is soft. “He wouldn’t’ve named you his heir if he didn’t truly think of you as his daughter, Bez. It’s gonna be alright, you’ll see.”    I take comfort in his confidence. I make myself believe him, even if deep down I’m still terrified. Slowly, I start nodding to show that I appreciate his assurances and understand; Poe shakes his head in disbelief, keeping his eyes on me as if to gauge how bad I’m feeling. “What the hell did those people do to you, Bez?”    I don’t-- can’t-- answer. I’ve already told him everything. At this point, I’m now trying to block all my personal fears for the sake of the mission. I’ll deal with them later. Right now all that matters is getting the medical supplies for the Resistance. I take a breath and change the subject. “...I’ve never seen a Hutt.”    He takes a second, nodding to show that he understands I’m done talking about it. He shifts back into his cocky, hotshot self with a shrug, stepping back a bit. “I’m not surprised. Picture a slug, but with a frog face, and as big as a speederbike.”    The image is disturbing at best. “Beautiful.”    Poe adds, shaking his wrench at me, “Oh, and he reeks like a swamp.”     My whole body responds in some kind of accepting gesture of great. “Splendid.”    Grogu babbles and reaches for the pack, which is still on the ground. He’s completely ignoring our conversation, instead only wanting the kriffing cookies. I sigh heavily, expecting to have to deal with an angry toddler that wants cookies the whole damn trip. “Sorry, Gizmo. That’s all I brought. You ate them all.”    Poor Grogu looks like he’s ready to cry. He lifts his head and leans back to look at me, probably trying to see with the Force if I’m telling the truth. When I shake my head to emphasize that there are none left on this ship, Grogu sorrowfully examines his crumb-covered hands and I swear he’s about to burst into sobs.    “Did he, though?” As if by magic, Poe pulls a smaller pack of cookies from his jacket pocket, presenting them to Grogu with a beaming smile. Grogu’s face lights up immediately, and he reaches with both arms for the cookies babbling rapidly in what might be either gimme that or please can I have it. With Grogu it’s sometimes hard to tell. Poe opens them for him and passes them on. “Here you go, buddy. These ones really are the last ones, though, unless...” He turns around in circles expectantly, gesturing with wide arms to the whole of the ship around us, “You got some secret stash of candy somewhere, Bez? Maybe a whole cake or two?”    “Shut up, Dameron.” He turns to stare at me, unamused-- he’ll do this until I admit to it. What self-respecting Mandalorian addicted to sugar wouldn’t keep a secret stash of candy? I shift my weight back and forth, trying not to give in... but, then I do. “...Fine. I do.” He immediately goes off in search of it, but I stop him by grabbing his arm. “But you’ll never find it, so don’t even try it! Besides, it’s all hard candy. Grogu can’t have any.”    Poe somehow manages to keep a straight face, though it looks really hard for him to do. “...It’s that yellowish one that you say tastes like butterscotch, isn’t it?”    Yeah, it is, and I’m surprised he remembers; although I really shouldn’t be. When I first discovered it I literally ate myself to sickness because I said it tastes like butterscotch. I was stuck in the medbay as I worked off a sugar high and was unable to keep any actual food down. During the event, Din and Poe were concerned, but after it was over they haven’t stopped teasing me about it when it’s brought up. Of course, he’ll never find it. Good luck hunting out the loose panel that is otherwise flush unless you bang on it right. I shake my head in disbelief, gesturing to him up-and-down. “What about you, huh? You just randomly carry cookies on you, do you? For no apparent reason?”    “I’m always prepared,” Poe replies, clapping me on the shoulder. “Kids love cookies. So say I’m in a town with a bunch of kids, I always pass out cookies. They deserve it.”    “Huh,” I hadn’t realized he’d ever done that. That’s brand new information about him, and it’s... I beam at him. “That’s... actually really sweet of you, Poe.”     He shrugs, flushing with embarrassment. “It’s something I’ve always done. I’m sure everybody passes out cookies or candy to kids if they have a chance.” He reaches over and takes Grogu from me, trying to mimic the way Din holds him, and points at the cockpit. “We’ve been in lightspeed for about an hour now. We should drop out at any minute, and just flying straight on autopilot is gonna get us killed pretty fast. I’ll be up in a minute, I’m gonna try putting him in the bag like your dad does.”    BB-8 is already handing him the bag, having stuffed all of my things in with Poe’s while we were talking-- the droid thinks ahead. Maybe he should be in charge. As Poe kneels down to adjust it, I turn and hurry into the cockpit. I’ve just finished strapping myself in when we drop out, and I pull on the brakes-- not that it’s needed here. In shock, I kind of just sit there for a second, frozen. “What the kriff?”     Thankfully, my questions don’t have to wait long, because Poe is coming up beside me. He seems unfazed by the view, but I start waving my arm at it, vainly trying to explain why I think this is unusual, but the only phrase I can seem to utter is, “What the kriff?!”     It’s nothing. As in, there’s no planet. There’s no moon. There’s no debris showing that Tiersa may have been obliterated. No clouds of colorful space-dust. There’s just empty space before us. Empty. Space. “What the kriffing kriff, Poe?!”     He keeps his gaze on the extraordinary expanse of absolute nothing before us, eyes flicking around like he’s looking for something. “Just keep flying forward. Slowly.”     I wonder if he’s currently suffering a lightspeed-induced hallucination. “There’s nothing there!”     Poe turns his head to look at me. Even with my helmet he somehow meets my eyes, and I’ve never seen him look more serious since I’ve known him. “You trust me?”     Of course I do. I trust him with my life, illusions before us or no. He knows what he’s doing. I heave a sigh and start easing up on the brakes, moving forward at an incredibly slow pace. “You know I do.”    Poe nods toward the window, anxious and tense. I only ever see him like this when he’s about to go out on a mission definitely involving a fight with the First Order, which has only happened twice since I’ve known him. His voice goes all commander mode-- though it’s hard to take him seriously when Grogu is trying to copy him and be all stern. “Then fly forward, very slowly. Turn the comlinks on. And when we’re hailed, let me do the talking.”     I flip the switches as he orders me to, tilting my head a little and settling into my seat with a whooshing deep breath. I readjust my grip on the throttle. Poe’s nervous, which makes me nervous. Being nervous isn’t good. Just be cool, like Poe is. “Gladly.”     My heart is pounding so loudly I’m sure he can hear it-- or maybe I’m hearing his. The blood rushes in my ears and I take a deep breath to make my hands go steady. What the hell is out here that we can’t see? “I’ve never done anything like this before.”    “Well, lucky for you, I have. Just stay calm.” He reaches down and squeezes my shoulder in assurance. “If they see you’re nervous, they’ll take advantage of it. Ready?”    “No. But whatever.”     He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s watching out the window, and so I do. As we get closer, I start to see definition: Machinery. Hexagonal slivers of light. Cannons. There’s a freaking orb of metal around this planet, which is pretty recognizable to somebody from Earth if they’re a huge fan of sci-fi, like myself.  “A Dyson sphere,” I breathe in awe. How the hell...     Poe looks down at me curiously, absentmindedly keeping a hand on Grogu as the little guy tries to climb out of the bag to explore the cockpit. “What?”     I struggle to find the words to explain. I’m not a scientist, I’m a doctor. Ninety-percent of my sci-fi knowledge comes from movies and outdated books from my childhood, gathered when I’d wanted to be the pilot of the space shuttle. Before NASA kriffing retired it... Although the Slave is a pretty badass equal to the space shuttle. “A Dyson sphere. A hypothetical structure built to fully encompass a star and harness its solar energy, beaming it back to a planet via a series of powerful satellites. At least... it was hypothetical on Earth. Guess it’s not here.”    The fact that this galaxy has so many similarities to mine makes me worry about whether or not Din is right about me having memory implants. Is this the original, and Earth was fake? Or is Earth the original, and this is fake? Am I in some kind of coma on Earth? Or did I die? Which, if I had, that kind of makes Din and Poe my guardian angels, maybe.    Poe hums when he hears my definition of a Dyson sphere. I push my worries out of my head and focus on the task at hand. “We call it a planet-shield,” He tells me, “Back when Tiersa was a prison colony, they built this to keep anybody from leaving. When they were freed, the Tiersans used it to their advantage. This is why nobody can find it-- or if they do, they crash into it before they even know what happened.”    “Lovely,” I choke out, forcing myself not to ease up until he tells me to. “So what now?”   “Just keep going.”    Ahead of us, a door opens. Blinding white light flashes, and I wince away before my helmet darkens to the equivalent of glareshades. I glance over and see Poe actually putting a pair of glareshades on. “So do you just have an entire stash of various supplies hidden in your jacket?”    He shrugs, unwrapping something and popping it into his mouth. “Maybe.”    I stare at him for a second, trying to see what exactly he’s eating. “...Is that my kriffing space-butterscotch?”    He bounces his eyebrows and gives me a smug smile. “Told you I’d find it.”    I, meanwhile, am trying to figure out how the kriff he found it so fast. “How the hell--”     “Don’t be so surprised, Bez.” He turns his attention back to the window, hands on his hips. Grogu has ducked into the bag to avoid the light, mumbling to himself in baby-babble. “That loose panel was asking for me to hit it.”    My eyes narrow. He’s just given himself away. “...You found it while I was dozing off, didn’t you?”    Poe casually stands there and makes absolutely certain that my space-butterscotch crunches once loudly before he talks. “...Maybe don’t doze off when you’ve got an already-fidgety X-wing pilot with ADHD on board. Your own fault.”    I peer around him in a vain attempt to see what the hell else he messed with. “What else did you mess with? Or break?”    The comlinks flare to life, making me jump so badly I almost fly right out of the seat. “Firespray 31-class, identify yourself.” Poe turns away and covers his mouth to try and stifle the fact that he’s stopping a laugh and to try and keep from choking. When Poe composes himself (though he’s still chuckling), I turn expectantly to him. The people on the other end don’t at all sound friendly.    Poe is fully serious now, and somehow he’s already swallowed the candy. He gives a here we go shrug, shifting around the chair to push the button, careful of Grogu in the bag at his waist. “This is Poe Dameron from Kijimi. I’m here to talk business with Edda Hutt.”    There’s silence on the other end, and Poe lets go of the button so that he can speak freely to me. “Edda pretty much runs the place. Almost everybody answers to him. He’s a powerful crime lord, so just play along with whatever I say or do.”     Man, it’s a good thing I trust him. If I were doing this with anyone else-- hell, if this were an official mission and I’d been paired with somebody who told me that, I know I’d end up screwing it up, because doing whatever they say without any context is not gonna work for me-- unless it’s Poe. I know he’ll get us in and out of there safely so long as I play my part. “Gotcha.”     We wait. I start bouncing my knee nervously until Poe absentmindedly reaches over to hold my leg still. “Stop it. You’re making me nervous.” I glance over at him. What about your leg-bouncing, flyboy? But then I recall that he’s got this kind of special ability. When Poe’s in the middle of something extremely important, all his focus is on what’s he’s doing. Somehow he can channel all of his ADHD into completing a task-- probably more so when it involves guns, potential death, and danger. All of his senses are watching for danger and ready for fight-or-flight.    Grogu seems to sense our nerves, and tucks himself into the bag. It looks like Poe just has a regular satchel on with nothing special inside, because Grogu remains still as a stone once he’s in there. Poe even latches the bag shut securely. “Good idea, buddy. Stay hidden.”     I hear Beebs asking questions from below. I lean over to see him at the foot of the ladder, looking as anxious as a droid can as he wobbles back and forth. “I don’t know. They’re quiet.”     “Probably seeing if this is alright with Edda,”  Poe says. Then he straightens up, tense, and points to two spots on either side of the open hangar. “They just trained cannons on us from there, and there. If Edda doesn’t approve this, we’ll be shot right outta orbit.”    Oh kriff... I start flipping switches, preparing the Slave for any sudden evasive maneuvers I might have to pull. Every system is ready for a sudden reverse. Nothing moves, and everything is far too silent. Nerves have me wanting to yank the Slave back out of the range of the cannons now, just to be safe. But they haven’t opened fire and Poe hasn’t given me that order yet. “Poe...”    He doesn’t move. I can’t tell where his eyes are because of the glareshades. “Easy, Bez. Don’t move yet.”   The comlink flares to life, and I brace myself to yank back on the throttle. A prompt appears on the navicomputer: landing coordinates and instructions. “You’re to follow these instructions, and you’ll be met with an escort at the landing pad.” Curtly, they cut off the channel, and the light shuts off, leaving a burning afterimage even though my helmet was darkened. Poe leans back with a breath of relief, taking off his glareshades-- from the furious way he’s blinking, I’d say they did just as little good as my darkening visor. “You might wanna let me pilot now, Bez. Tiersa’s got one hell of a climate.”    Immediately, I start unbuckling. He is the best pilot in the Resistance, after all. He can literally fly anything. And though I don’t believe he will at all, I still feel the need to jokingly mock, “You crash the Slave, and I won’t have to kick your ass. Boba Fett will come back from the dead to do it for me.”    He’s barely paying attention. He’s watching the cannons and squinting at the open hexagon before us like he’s expecting an attack. “Noted.”      Once I’m standing, he pulls the strap of Grogu’s bag up over his head and puts it on me. Grogu squeaks with surprise as he bangs against my hip lightly. Poe jumps into the pilot’s seat, but he doesn’t seem excited-- only cautious. “Go strap yourself in. We hesitate for much longer and they’re gonna blow us up anyway.”   “Nice of them.” I hurry to the seats behind him and strap myself in, holding Grogu protectively to my chest. BB-8 whirs in apology before latching himself to a wall. “It’s fine, Beebs. Just make sure you hold on. If you fall the length of the ship...” He’s a sturdy droid, but that’s a tough fall.    I think that Poe must have been paying attention to the few short times he’s watched me pilot this thing up close and personal, because he somehow knows where everything is-- or maybe he’s just that good. It’s hard to tell. Somehow he’s in total, complete control of the Slave and all he had to ask was where’s your navicomputer.    “Kriff, Poe,” I say as I watch him from my seat, a little jealous as I remember how many times it took me to learn the controls of Din’s starfighter. Worse, how the one time Poe showed me the workings of an X-wing (not in his precious Black One, and on the ground), I couldn’t remember any of the buttons except for the one that started the engine. “Wish I could fly like you.”    Poe scoffs as he guides the Slave into the enclosed atmosphere of Tiersa. “You’ve got a whole different set of skills I can’t top, Mandalorian.”    At that, I make a face of acceptance and nod to myself. “Yeah, yeah. You’re right. Carry on with your badass pilot self, Dameron.” I see him mock-salute, but then both hands are working to keep the Slave stable as we enter a whirlwind of beige and brown dust and clouds. I can’t see a thing, which means Poe is probably relying solely on the systems. He’s flying blind, which is something I can’t do at all. The view outside the window is making me nervous, so I focus on little Grogu, who decides to eat one of the cookies Poe gave him. I can’t help but smile when he gets crumbs all over not only his little burlap robe and the beskar chainmail underneath, but my armor, as well.    It isn’t long before we’re feeling strong turbulence. I glance to Poe, but being unable to see his face, I can’t tell if he’s worried about that or not. Grogu whimpers with concern, clinging to me through the bag and tapping my shoulder to get my attention. “It’s okay, buddy. This isn’t the craziest stuff you’ve been through, right?”  I sometimes forget that even though Grogu is a baby for his race, he’s still far older than I am-- far older than even Din or Leia, or even the Slave. I wonder how much he’s seen... Din told me about what happened to him on Coruscant, and that I was not to mention it, ever, under any circumstances, in front of him. I wonder how terrifying it was to witness the slaughter of the Jedi Temple by the one who would someday become Darth Vader. Only Luke, apparently, knows exactly what he saw.    When Grogu and I communicate through the Force, it’s always with emotions and pictures, never words, and it leaves Grogu exhuasted. I hate using it anyway, because if I keep trying, will I reach the point of being able to become a Jedi-- or Sith? I think about how angry I got when Dia told us the news. I shouldn’t have been able to break that wall. It’s unnatural. I shouldn’t have let that rage come out in the Force, if that’s what it was. Doesn’t that mean I have the makings of a Sith? Letting anger control and fuel my actions? It’s the last thing I want. If I were turned into a Sith, I’d betray everyone I know and care for. I’d start killing. I’d be the one ordering the interception of medical convoys. I’d be stripped of my Mandalorian identity and honor, given black robes and a red saber. I’d become exactly what I never wanted to be, something akin to all the villains of Earth that wipe out the good. It terrifies me.     Din wants, more than anything, for me to take on the task of restoring Mandalore, which I’m happy and eager to do-- what other purpose could I have here? Where I dropped into the galaxy made that pretty obvious. But then he’d also told me that he’d pass on the Darksaber to me when the time came-- the saber that felt so much better than a blaster, that complimented my preferred reverse grip. I could still, very clearly, remember the sound of the plasma blade igniting. The air around it crackling with heat and energy. It is a very powerful weapon, and I wish I had it with me so that I might better be able to protect Grogu. I only wish that there were two. Holding one saber with two hands felt wrong. My other hand needs a blade. I wonder if I might be able to find a lightsaber to go with the Darksaber, or if it would even be allowed.    I will admit-- despite detesting the idea of using the Force, I prefer the idea of lightsabers as a weapon than blasters. Din had told me once that having a saber doesn’t make somebody a Jedi or a Sith.    But if I can use the Force and have a lightsaber, what exactly does that make me?    The Slave tilts. In a matter of seconds the seat is horizontal and I hear the engines powering down. Poe appears as I’m unstrapping myself and standing. He looks nervous; shifting his weight, biting his lip... BB-8 rolls over to him with a beep of assurance, and Poe kneels so that he’s eye-level with him. “Stay with the ship. Be ready to power it up.” BB-8 beeps in understanding and rolls toward the cockpit.     I regard Poe for a second, confused. “The Slave doesn’t have a droid interface.”    He shakes his head, pulling a respirator mask out of his jacket pocket and ignoring my reaction to that. The wrench, glareshades, cookies, this mask... The jacket of infinite wonders... He have an X-wing in there? “Doesn’t need one.” He locks eyes with me, trying to convey how serious his next words are. “Remember, no matter what I say, just play along.”     I readjust Grogu so that he’s at my hip with one hand, grabbing Poe’s arm to reassure him with the other. “I’ve got it, Poe, don’t worry.”      Poe and I stand side-by-side at the base of the ramp. He pulls the mask on, making sure it’s sealed around his face and is secured tightly by the straps. He looks at me for a second; my helmet systems lock onto him when I touch a specific button on my earpiece, and start recording his vitals. His heart is pounding.    Kriff, how dangerous is this planet? He jerks his chin at me, voice muffled. “That thing filter air?”    I think about that for a second, but then realize what I’ve seen Din to, the stories he tells of Bo-Katan. “It should. It can let me breathe underwater, but I haven’t tested it.”     He turns back to the ramp, hand hovering over the button. “Even if it doesn’t, it should block the worst of the pollution. That bag should keep Grogu safe, so long as he doesn’t poke his head out. Ready?”     I face the door. Man, I hope this works... They could just shoot at us and take our ship. On that note, I prepare to leap in front of Poe and shove Grogu behind me at once. My beskar will protect me, but Grogu doesn’t have a helmet and Poe has nothing in the way of armor. “As I’ll ever be.”     We both take a second to brace ourselves, then he pushes the button and the ramp begins to lower. Waiting to greet us is a dreary sight: windswept old plains, littered with dead shrubbery and trash, are lit dimly from giant lights on the underside of the planet-shield above that can’t exactly pierce the brownish smog. Just a few hundred yards from the dusty old tarmac is a congested, dirty city. I hear people screaming, coughing, and blasterfire even from here.     Kriffing yikes. No wonder Leia didn’t want us coming here.     Standing with old blasters that I’m not going to risk doubting the functionality of are at least six people from various species in old, tattered clothes. Dirty, scruffy, and with drying blood and healing bruises in places, they look ready to try and rob us rather than take us to Edda. Which strikes me as odd.     I glance sideways at Poe, keeping my voice low. “What the hell did you do to make them think they need six guys to keep you in line?” He can fight, sure, but six guys with blasters are a match for anyone but a Mandalorian, and they can’t have possibly known I was here until here until the ramp opened.     “I’ll tell you later,” He says to me before addressing what is hopefully our escort. “I’m here to see Edda Hutt.”     A purple-gray Twi’lek sneers, baring rotting teeth once filed to fangs. He jerks his rifle at me in gesture. I rest a hand not on my blaster, but on the top of the satchel Grogu is in. “What’s with the Mandalorian?”    Poe has clearly already thought of our story, because he says calmly, “She’s my bodyguard.” He sounds so entirely convincing that even I almost believe him.    One of them stalks up the ramp by order of the Twi’lek. “Your weapons.” Poe and I pass them their blasters, and I spend ten minutes removing all my knives and throwing daggers.    “And you talk about me,” Poe mutters to me when the man marches back down to his comrades with a bag full of our weapons.    The Twi’lek waves his weapon around at us carelessly. “Search them, you idiots!”    Two rush up and don’t hesitate in roughly patting us down. The one searching me practically hits Grogu’s bag hard enough to make him yelp, and I don’t even realize that I’ve clocked the guy hard in the center of his face until he’s sprawled on the ground holding his bloodied face, crushed by the beskar handguard. The escort’s weapons are powered up and aimed at us, while Poe spreads his arms and steps between me and the escort. “Hey hey hey! Easy, everybody calm down!”     The guy that had searched Poe bends over to pull his groaning ally away. I’ve taken up a fighting stance, but not the one distinctly used for the flamethrower and whistling birds I’m keeping hidden. They might find that a little odd and take my vambraces, and then what? We would be entirely defenseless. “Laylah,” Poe warns, “What are you doing?”    He hears Grogu whimpering, and then understanding flicks in his eyes. I think I might even see anger before he turns back to face our escort, keeping himself between us.     “The Mandalorian stays here!” The Twi’lek orders frantically.     “The Mandalorian is going with Dameron whether you like it or not,” I say back very calmly, but Poe turns to give me a stern shake of his head, keeping a hand on my shoulder.     “Easy,” He urges, “He just... accidentally hit her... pet. She’s protective. But it won’t happen again. Will it?” He points that last bit at me, and I bite back a sharp retort along the lines of, So long as these bastards keep their hands to themselves and keep their weapons where I can see them, but I stop myself just in time. I only manage a stiff nod. Poe turns back to the escort, keeping his hands up. “See? Just a misunderstanding... Are we good?”    Reluctantly, the escort steps back so that we can disembark. Poe takes my elbow, probably to try and stop me if I try anything else, and guides me off the ramp. I close it behind us. I ignore the escort’s death-glares and the fact that their weapons are uselessly aimed on me, but keep an eye on those aimed at Poe. One shot is all it takes... While keeping tabs on them out of my peripheral, I turn on the light on my helmet and peer into the bag, silently asking if Grogu’s okay.    “Badu,” He mumbles softly, shielding his eyes from the harshness of the light; I don’t see any bruising and he’s nibbling on a cookie, so I think he’s fine. I turn off the light and return the bag to its place at my waist, keeping a hand on top at all times. The other is ready to use my whistling birds.    It’s a tense and overly-long walk into the crime-ridden city. The sandy buildings may once have been sandstone, but are now crumbling ruins of green-gray with slats of wood for doors, boarded-up windows, and surrounded by piles of muck, rotting animal bodies, and trash. I see three guys mauling a jawa, two others shooting the hell out of a shop, and an ugnaut running off with a bag I initially think is full of stolen goods until I seen blood staining the burlap and realize he’s carrying a dead body.    Kriff. I tighten my hold on Grogu and keep my eyes on Poe. Maybe Dad was right. If Poe gets shot up here, I’d never forgive myself. I trust him to be aware of his surroundings directly ahead of him, so I take up a position behind him, watching his sides and guarding his back.    It seems like an eternity before we reach an alley filled with people clearly using spice. They’re all either high or drunk, laughing and partying and dancing, watching gamblers and wrestling matches. They eye us, throw themselves into our path and mumble some incoherent words before the escort shoves them off, or openly point us out to whole parties that eagerly turn to watch the procession.    Grogu has curled up, tense and silent. All my senses are focused on him and Poe, and I worry for BB-8 all by himself in the Slave. Poe keeps glancing over his shoulder at me and scanning the walls and roofs for danger. One time when people start shooting each other at a party, he yanks me down to duck with him seconds before one of our escort right beside me gets his head shot clean off. A hit at that velocity would’ve knocked me out even with my beskar, and then Poe and Grogu would be left undefended. I’ve never seen an injury that gruesome, though-- it takes all I have not to retch. Thank the Maker I’m wearing the helmet.    We’re led into a building, through a less violent party, and down a hidden staircase to a basement where people were still partying, but significantly less exuberantly. People here seem to be working off their high, at least for the night. We’re taken down a wide, sandy stairwell, where we enter a very different setting.    Clearly, Edda Hutt-- a disgusting, enormous slug-thing that was just as Poe had described him, only a pale greenish-white with brown stripes-- is in charge here. Everybody seems scared of him. Sure, they snort spice off dirty tables and dance a little, but Edda’s focus is on the star of the show, so everyone else follows suit. A weird little thing that looks like an anteater with the body of a frog is trying to sing, but it’s a horrible sound. The music is off-tempo and screechy. In the center of the ring of people, a Twi’lek female in hardly any clothes tries to dance, but with the horrible music and the chain on her neck, it’s difficult.    The chain is attaching her to the Hutt, and I realize she’s a slave. I tense. You kidding me right now? A slave? I’d lived in America in the 21st century. Slaves, to me, were a thing of history. Stuff you read about in school. Never thought I’d actually ever see one.   It makes me angry. I want to storm down there and blow Edda to a disgusting mass of slime with my flamethrowers and free the girl. She’s clearly terrified. She is a living, thinking person and deserves to be free. How dare he? My jaw clenches so hard it pops when I turn my narrowed gaze on Edda, fist tightening on my empty holster. How dare you? How dare you? How about I tear you down from there and make you dance? I can think of a few words choice words for him: Monster. Evil. Cruel. Inhumane. But none of them come close, none of them can even attempt to describe an act so wretched as this one.   But we can do nothing. Poe stiffens at the sight, but he’s seen this before. Hutts keep slaves, and that’s a known fact. Neither of us can do anything here. If we do, we’ll never make it out of here alive, and get ourselves killed along with the slave without anything to show for it. Not to mention, the Resistance will go without the medical supplies it needs to keep going. Our priority right now is to watch each other’s backs, to watch over Grogu, and to make this deal.     One day, maybe I will become a bounty hunter, but of a different sort. After I revive Mandalore, restore my people, I’ll come after every slaveholder in the galaxy and give them what they deserve. Not one of them will ever be brought in warm.    The Twi’lek at the head of the escort tells us to wait where we are, while he slithers through the crowd to whisper in what might be Edda Hutt’s ear. Edda narrows overly-large eyes, grumbles a stream of unintelligible muttered phrases in Huttese, then raises tiny stubby arms and says in a loud, gurgle of a voice, “Shulu gone, add of uba!”      The music ceases immediately. Nice. The first party I’ve ever crashed. Guests and entertainment disperse, abandoning piles of spice and discarding cigarettes on the floor. Soon there’s nothing but Edda’s guards, our escort, and his slave. He yanks her against him, and my free fist clenches almost hard enough to trigger my flamethrower. Blasters poke Poe and I in our backs, urging us forward until we’re in the center of the room, standing before Edda. I make a point to keep a couple paces behind Poe, trying to watch our surroundings for any sudden moves.     Edda smokes what’s probably spice out of a long, thin pipe. He peers at us, gaze barely passing over me, before he narrows his eyes at Poe with a too-wide smile. “Oom-move uta-sha maskey.”     Damn am I glad Poe came with me, because I don’t understand a word he’s saying. Poe reaches up for his mask, and I grab his sleeve, stopping him wordlessly. The kriff you taking off the stuff that lets you breathe for? “It’s fine,” He assures me, “The air’s not so bad down here.”     “What about the spice?” The last thing I need is a hotshot pilot with ADHD on spice. I’m not sure how it would affect him, because this stuff could be laced with other drugs, more dangerous ones. He could have anything from a simple high, an almost-deadly reaction, or even go into anaphylactic shock if he’s allergic. I’m thinking of all the many different ways him taking off his mask could go horribly wrong.     “It’s okay; I know the smell of this spice. I built up an immunity to it when I was a runner,” He answers, and removes his mask. I have to hope and pray it’s not laced with anything that will affect him secondhand. Although, on a lesser note, I also have to resist the urge to pat his curls down, because it looks like he’s just rolled right out of bed; if I were Edda, I wouldn’t be able to take him seriously. Poe addresses him calmly and coolly. “I’m sure you remember me...” He shrugs a little. “Or maybe you don’t. In either case, I’m here to do business with you.”     Edda laughs deeply, apparently amused by something. “Bal uba think jee beeogola?” He takes another whiff of his pipe. “Meekiyuna keekah whooh uba beet, Dameron.”      Poe remains cool, calm, and collected. No one else would be able to tell what he’s thinking-- I barely can. Damn, he’d be a good actor. Or senator. “I’ve decided the Resistance just isn’t for me. Too much work, too little profit. Got back into the spice business a few months ago.” Edda perks up at this little tidbit of false but convincing information, and Poe adds quickly, “But that’s not why I’m here. I’m here for another trade.”    Edda leans back a bit, pulling roughly on the chain connected to his slave’s neck. She chokes, but Edda doesn’t care; he looks disappointed that Poe isn’t offering space-drugs. I don’t see the appeal, never will-- my ancestors used marijuana and peyoti to induce visions from the gods and their messengers, not for highs. Hell, it’s not even a pretty and sparkly glitter-drug, like in Dune. It just looks like a pile of ugly sand. “Haku oid uba doo mind?”    Somehow Poe sounds completely confident, even though we’re standing on a grate that drops down into who-knows-where, we’re surrounded, we’re underground, and we’re in the middle of a crime-ridden city. If things go wrong here, we’ll never make it out. “You know as well as any the price of certain items on the black markets. But I’ve been with the Resistance so long, I don’t have good stock. I’ve come to see if you would bargain with me.” Edda gestures for him to continue. “I want medical supplies. All you’ve got. I’m sure you can get more from your beneficiaries. In return I’ll get you something you want, something nobody else will get you and you can’t get yourself. You’re eccentric, I’m sure you’ve already got some idea of what you want for your...” He waves an arm, searching for the right word. “...collection. Just like the old days. If you remember me, you know I always deliver.”       And here I thought Poe had told me everything there was to know about him. Never once had he mentioned Tiersa or Edda Hutt during his long tales of his spice-running days on Kijimi. I just now realized that. I make a mental note to ask him about all these new stories for him to tell me.    “Jee oom-membah uba, Poe Dameron,” Edda replies, leaning forward to glare at him. He’s practically crushing his poor slave. “Besh lo’z been andoba-doba cycles nrom eesgoo oeal. Jee huujah bu oom-mnants Emperor Palpatine’z lightsooah! Seel uba heeda sho?”    I stiffen at the mention of Emperor Palpatine. I may not know Huttese, but I can make out that much. I want to speak up, maybe to ask what the kriff did he say about Palpatine, but Poe’s supposed to be in charge here. Bodyguards don’t speak to their charge, and if I undermine Poe’s authority here, he might lose any standing with Edda that he has. I hold my tongue and hope this is over as soon as possible.    “I can,” Poe promises, nodding decisively. Great. What’s he just agreed to? “I’ll get you the pieces of Palpatine’s saber.”    I swear, it takes me everything I have not to say What?! Even Grogu stirs a bit, like what the hell did he just say the pieces of who now’s lightsaber? I have to keep copying Din’s introvert-silent-intimidating-Mandalorian pose, to be a good bodyguard and stand here silently. How the hell are we supposed to get him that? Wasn’t it incinerated in the Death Star?    “But you’ve gotta give me more than that. Any idea where it is?”     Edda leans forward more, talking with one grubby hand and waving his pipe around as he speaks. “Nop Coruscant, nind Kerooh Lar. ’z  gang kajidii bu oeepest oom-gions, bu old podracing arenah. Beke uba seel nind shash before kidds uba, an bargon bu map, lo widd take uba bu sooah.” The Hutt chuckles grotesquely.     “Alright. Then, it’s off to Coruscant.” Poe puts his hands on his hips, ready to leave. Edda, however, has other plans, and raises a hand to stop him. Guards and our escort all move to block exits, weapons ready. I loosen up, prepared to leap forward and trigger my whistling birds. Even now they’re targeting all of our enemies, which do not include Edda, because I’m more than positive we can outrun him.     Edda chuckles, “Hold nop. Kava bal jee keekah soh uba wa-hu sedd bu lightsooah?”     Poe explains calmly, “Because. If I were to just sell the saber, that’s a one-time profit. I might get killed by the First Order for having it, or my business shut down, and I don’t want that. I want a steady income. I can trade different supplies for more, sell them... You get it. So...” Poe smirks, and I feel like that’s the most evil he can get, though it doesn’t look very intimidating to me. “If I want to stay out of prison and get those medical supplies, then I’m gonna bring you back that saber.”      Edda seems reluctant for a second. I start calculating what it’s gonna take to get Poe and I off this grate before it falls completely and drops us into oblivion. Finally, the Hutt gives his consent with a wave of confirmation. “Uba doo duba oays, Dameron.”     Poe snickers in disbelief. “Hold on, I wanna see the supplies. You think I’m stupid?”      Edda grinds his flat teeth. It’s an awful sound, like nails on a chalkboard. He swings an arm at the Twi’lek and his escort. “Stang hoohat lo!” To Poe, he says, “Joppay uba’laz oone, uba boll Coruscant!”     Poe nods, starting to turn toward the door we’d come from, where our escort waits. “As soon as we see them, we’ll be on our way. You’ll have your saber.”     We’re escorted out of his little chamber and through a backway, through the less-populated alleys of the city and to a hidden, locked-up warehouse. The Twi’lek raps out a code on the ridged metal door, and it opens to reveal a spider-faced alien that chitters impatiently as the Twi’lek quietly informs him of the situation. Poe and I remain silent, though my helmet’s systems point out at least a dozen snipers watching us carefully from the roofs. I wish Poe and I had come up with some form of code beforehand, so that I can warn him. Instead, I’m ready to launch my whistling birds at a moment’s notice and shove Poe to safety. Not that that would protect him from a headshot, since his mask is made of plastic and rubber only.    Suddenly I wish that I had given him Boba Fett’s armor.    The door is opened, and we’re led inside. Our eyes take a second to adjust, but when they do we stop short and stare in awe. Crates upon crates of various sizes are stacked, lined up, and arranged. Holy kriff... Poe had said that Edda deals primarily in unregistered supply trade, but I hadn’t realized this much. I see mostly weapons and ship parts with the First Order crest, which makes me shudder.     The Twi’lek takes us further in. I’m grateful for my life-signs detector built-in to my helmet, because I see the guy running up between the boxes with a knife before Poe does. No, no...    Swinging Grogu behind me, I step between the attacker and Poe with my whistling birds vambrace aimed at the escort, my other aimed at the attacker. I pull my fist down far enough to push the pressure-trigger, and a jet of fire streams out just enough to scare him back on his ass.     “Back off!” Poe is reaching for his blaster, but remembers too late he doesn’t have it and swears loudly as he scrambles for a weapon. The escort has all blasters aimed at us, and the snipers are moving into position. I have one whistling bird less than needed, but I’m blinding their scopes; they can’t get a lock on us. As the attacker recovers, I sidestep around Poe and give another warning blast of fire at the escort, which makes them yelp and stumble back, shielding their singed faces. “Back off! You want me to blast your heads off?! Back off!”     “Laylah!”  Poe yells, snatching a dropped blaster and putting his back to mine, “What the hell are you doing?!”     “Yeah, you’re welcome. This guy was about to gut you.”     “I wasn’t!” The Rodian attacker whines, rubbing his burned nose and quite near tears. What scares me is I don’t even feel mildly sympathetic for him. “I-I wasn’t, I swear!”     “Explain why you were running at him with a knife then,” I sound eerily calm.    The Rodian keeps a hand raised toward me as poor defense. “I-I was warning Ael-Ti of an attack! The second warehouse is under siege! Somebody found it!”    “Who the kriff is Ael-Ti?”    “Me,” Snarls the soot-covered Twi’lek. “Are you going to put your weapons down, or are we going to have to make you?”    I sneer at him, jerking my chin. “You first.”    “Laylah,” Poe hisses, putting his blaster down and keeping his hands up. He reaches over and makes me put my arms down, standing almost flush up against me to say low in my ear, “Calm. Down. You wanna lose this bargain?”       Reluctantly, I lower my arms. “I’m not giving them my vambraces.”     “You don’t have to. So long as you don’t set anybody else on fire.”     “I didn’t set him on fire. I almost set him on fire.”     Poe shakes his head; I see a faint smirk under the mask. “And they call me hotheaded...”     I don’t turn my back on the Rodian, who speaks with Ael-Ti in hushed tones. Ael-Ti reluctantly sends the rest of his escort back with the Rodian, who leads them down a wholly separate path to avoid me. Ael-Ti is now, as far as Poe’s concerned, all by himself, so he turns and tugs me close enough to say where my ear should be on the other side of the helmet, “Do not attack him, Bez.”     I won’t risk it unless necessary, because the snipers still have their rifles powered up and pointed at us. I’m surprised they didn’t shoot when I tried to crisp the Rodian. Curtly, I nod, and Poe keeps a firm grip of my arm. Ael-Ti keeps a close eye on me as he leads us through the crates, walking like a crab so that his back is never to me. Strangely enough, I’m completely okay with what I’ve just done. I’m defending two people I love very much. When it’s an enemy, I have no problem with anything I do that might inconvenience them. The more they hate me, the better.     When we reach the medical supplies, Poe and I falter.     Three ten-foot-long and four-foot-high white containers sit side-by-side on the ground. Some of them have temperature-controlled interiors like a fridge-- conservator (sometimes, even after three and a half years, I still revert to Earth names for things). Poe turns his head to me, and when he has my attention, jerks his head toward them. “You’re the medic. Go and see if they’re legit.”     I’m reluctant to turn my back on Ael-Ti, but I hurry forward anyway, beginning to pop the lid of a crate. The snipers are easing up a bit. Poe can handle himself against that weasel. Nobody will attack unless a move is made. Ael-Ti apparently finds me checking the boxes suspicious or something. “Thought you said she was your bodyguard?”    Poe only puts his hands on his hips as he pretends to watch me, but his eyes aren’t focused. He’s watching Ael-Ti out of the corner of his eye. “She’s also my medic.”    Inside the first crate, I find primarily cooled medicines, vaccines, anesthesia, and bacta. In the other two I find various good stock of other medicines, surgical tools and equipment, PPE equipment, bandages, splints-- anything a doctor might need at any given point is in the crates. It’s enough to give us a boost, to keep us going until we find more suppliers, especially if we don’t for awhile. I check the very deepest packages I can reach as well as the top and middle, only a couple of each, to ensure it’s really medicine. My internal systems help me, but they can only do so much. Even the Force wouldn’t be able to help me much here.     Once I replace and secure the lid of the final crate, I return to Poe’s side, still feeling a little iffy about this whole thing. How do we know they didn’t just make fake medicine? Some of them were impossible to tell. “So far as I can see, it’s legit. This is the shipment we’re getting?” I immediately mentally smack myself. Bodyguards don’t ask questions, even if they’re also medics.      Poe puts me completely at ease by acting as if that’s a totally normal, reasonable question to ask, even from someone who he’s supposed to be in charge of. Technically, if I think really hard about it, he is one of my commanding officers, I guess. “It better be, or Edda can count on never getting the pieces of Palpatine’s lightsaber,” Poe says this pointedly to Ael-Ti, who raises a hand and frowns. He inclines his head.    “Yeah yeah, this is the one you’re getting. Edda’s been after those shards for a long time, so this will be closely guarded for you.” He bares his teeth in an angry hiss before leading us out of the warehouse, feeling the need to escort us all the way back to our ship. We pass the body of the guy who was shot instead of us, already crammed into a clogged drain. Eesh. Luckily the city seems to be calming for the night; even criminals need to sleep, right? The trip back, without having to find a path through groups of robbers and murderers, is considerably shorter. We get our bag of weapons once we get to the Slave, and we purposefully slowly count in front of Ael-Ti. All of our weapons are accounted for, thankfully. “No loitering!” He snaps as we’re closing the ramp.    Poe goes straight to the pilot’s seat, and BB-8 comes whirling out as I’m strapping myself in and opening Grogu’s bag. Poe takes a moment to greet his friend. “Hey Beebs. Any trouble?” BB-8 gives a couple of beeps in answer. “No? Good.” He rubs the droid’s head, eliciting a happy whistle from him. “Thanks for watching over the ship, buddy.”     Hearing that we’re considerably safer, Grogu pokes his head out of the bag, covered in blue cookie crumbs. I laugh, brushing him off. “How you doing, Gizmo?”     He babbles and cheers as the ship pitches in its flight pattern to escape the awful fake atmosphere of Tiersa-- even though it’s dark, Poe somehow navigates us easily out into space. Once we hit smooth flying, the ship launches into lightspeed and I get out of the seat, setting Grogu on the platform with BB-8. The two of them begin to chatter in a weird combination of baby babble and Binary about the little adventure they’ve had so far.     When Poe comes stomping around the pilot’s seat, I know I’m in trouble. He tears off his mask and puts his hands on his hips, glaring-- but I don’t think Poe’s ever actually been angry. Besides, I can’t very well take him seriously with his hair all messed up again. “What the hell was that out there?”     I shake my head to try and stop whatever he’s about to say, lifting my hands in much the same way Grogu was trying to explain himself as a stowaway earlier. “Look--”    “What were you thinking? First you punch the guy-- which, okay, he hit Grogu, but not to defend him, but he didn’t know he was there, and you could have just taken a less violent approach? And what the hell was with the flamethrower?!”    “I was trying to protect you!” I snap, remembering the guy running up with the knife all too clearly, “I thought that guy was gonna attack you... I couldn’t let that happen.”    His stern visage softens. “We were outnumbered. You’re lucky they didn’t blast us all to hell. Six against two isn’t exactly fair, even if the two are a Mandalorian and the best pilot in the galaxy.”    “...Thirteen.” I admit this very reluctantly.      “Huh?”       “Counting the snipers on the tallest stacks of crates, there were thirteen. The six snipers on the roof outside might not have been able to get in quickly enough to do anything about us before we found an escape route.”     Poe takes a second to let that sink in. He steps closer and takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “You... You attacked when we were thirteen to two?”     It sounds worse than it is. Or maybe it really is that bad. I’m not a soldier, I’m a healer. I don’t have experience in this field, I have no idea what I’m doing. Maybe it was stupid of me. Still, I try to explain myself. “I had twelve whistling birds trained on all the snipers and the escort. That only left the Rodian. We would have been fine.”    Poe starts pacing, running his hands through his hair. His jaw is clenched like he’s trying to stem a flow of curses-- but he’s frustrated. Not mad. Still, I hate to see him like this with me. It gives me a bad feeling in the core of my chest. He’s back to standing in front of me in a few strides, his voice unnervingly calm and quiet, “You could’ve gotten us all killed.”     “I wasn’t thinking--”     “Do you ever?” He snaps, and the ship goes quiet. I flinch, echoes of Earth ricocheting in my head. Outside of my little family, I lost track of how many people had said those words to me. This is Poe. He doesn’t mean it the same way. I meet his dark eyes and remnants of Earth melt away. For some reason, I’m not scared of losing Poe, or of him turning on me. Something tells me he’s never going to walk away like that. He cares, and that’s why he’s so pissed right now.     I take a deep breath, then say quietly, but not meekly, “I wasn’t thinking about the odds. All I could think of was Dad’s warning about not letting anything happen to us, and about the fact that I didn’t want to see you bleeding out on some backwater planet. I thought I had to act, and I did it in the hopes of keeping you safe. I had all of them in sight, and the flamethrower was blinding their scopes so none of the snipers could have gotten a clear shot at you. I’d stunned what I thought was your attacker and the escort. You grabbed a blaster, didn’t you? We could have gotten to cover. We could have made it out. At that point, I didn’t even care about the damn medicine. Just you, and Grogu. Although I should have taken a less dramatic approach. That knife couldn’t have gotten through my beskar or leather easily-- it was old. All I had to do was step between you, but...”     “But your mind went to the worst possible place,” Poe finishes for me softly. “You went offensive instead of defensive.” After a second, a small, fond smirk makes its way onto his face. “...Like a Mandalorian.”     I scoff, fighting tears. Why did I do that? Why didn’t I do the normal thing? “What kind of Mandalorian almost gets her only friend killed?” I say bitterly, and he shakes his head, pulling me in for a tight hug that I lean into.     His voice rumbles my head even through the helmet. “You even hear the stories your dad tells? He sounds like you. So does Boba Fett and Bo-Katan. You Mandalorians... you always do that. You’re always ready or looking for a fight. That’s always where your mind goes, no matter the situation... Why?”     I think about that for a second, and then I realize what we all have in common: Bo-Katan, her sister murdered and her goal always just out of reach. Boba Fett watched his father die in front of him and then was trying to live the life of a bounty hunter, even accepting a job from Darth Vader until Han Solo nearly killed him, and then even his retirement didn’t go smoothly. I pull back, squeezing Poe’s shoulders in appreciation of his gesture. He keeps a hold of my arms. “Because, Poe... we’ve all been through hell.”     I take my helmet off, patting down the static on my crown braids. Talking about my recklessness must be over, because Poe puts his hands on his hips and is smiling for some reason; then he slowly smooths down the hair on the back of my head, pointedly. “Can’t take you very seriously when you have helmet hair.”    On that note, I reach up to tousle his hair out of the just-rolled-out-of-bed look. “Yeah, well, I can’t take you seriously when you have gas-mask hair.” I glance out the cockpit window, at the stream of blue-and-white light with a faint smile. “So what now? Where we headed, Black Leader?”     Poe snorts with amusement and gestures to the seats. Somehow we both simultaneously sit on the platform instead, leaning our backs against the seats. Beebs and Grogu meander over to sit near to us, but continue their own little conversation. Poe pats BB-8 on the head on his way by, but addresses me. “Now, I fill you in on the plan.”     I stretch my legs out in front of me, crossing them at the ankles. I set my helmet beside me. “Please do. All I got out of this was something about Coruscant and Palpatine’s lightsaber.”     Poe actually laughs. “That’s... pretty much it.” He waves his hands and the wrench. “No, really, I’ve gotta tell you the details. So, we’re getting medicine-- all of what you seen-- if we bring him back the shards of Palpatine’s lightsaber in three days.”     I raise a hand like I’m in school.     Poe points his wrench at me like a teacher pointing a pencil. “Yes, Djarin?”     “Correct me if I’m wrong-- and, I might be, ’cause I’m not really from around here, but-- wasn’t he blown up on the Death Star?”     Poe shrugs, banging his wrench against his palm. “Who knows? Maybe it’s just something everybody’s calling Palpatine’s saber but Edda’s stupid enough to believe it. To find it, we’ve gotta get to Coruscant and find Keru Lar, a crime boss who supposedly has a map leading right to it. Apparently he hangs out on the lowest levels, in the old podracing rings.”     I’m struck by a sudden thought. “Great. Cool. How much you wanna bet he’s gonna have us race him for it?”     Poe retains a completely serious straight face. “Ten credits that he doesn’t. And once we get the map from him we just... go get the saber.”    I scoff, fiddling with the top of my rangefinder. “You mean after navigating a treacherous gauntlet of unforeseen circumstances.”    “Yeah,” Poe answers, and I’m suddenly doubling over with laughter. He pauses in spinning his wrench, raising his eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”    I can barely wheeze out an answer. “Guess I got what I wanted!”    Poe is slowly smiling. “What?”    “Something to do.”    Poe snorts, then laughs, and suddenly we’re both laughing so hard we can’t breathe, and neither of us really know why. The combined confusion of BB-8 and Grogu only makes us laugh harder. Poe runs his hands down his face when we finally stop, wheezing for air and still smiling. “Alright, Bez... We’ve got three hours before we reach Coruscant. I am gonna take a nap. I doubt we’ll get much sleep otherwise, so I suggest you do too.”    I glare pointedly at the back of the pilot’s seat. “Dozing in the cockpit made my neck hurt.”     “Maybe don’t doze off in the cockpit,” Poe quips, shoving his wrench in his pocket.     I start to crawl over to him. “I’m using your shoulder as a pillow. Deal with it.”     He positions himself so that he’s leaning with his back on a ladder. I scoot closer until I’m flush against his side and resting my head on his shoulder. His chuckle resonates into my head; it’s a comforting sound. “Always a pleasure, Miss Djarin.” Grogu toddles up, reaching out, and Poe lifts him into the crook of our laps, where he immediately curls up in preparation for a nap; he yawns with a little squeak. I keep a hand on him so that he doesn’t accidentally roll anywhere-- babies have a tendency to roll places you wouldn’t think of. BB-8 comes up in silent question, on Poe’s other side. He elicits a tiny blip, and Poe lifts his arm in welcome. “Come here, Beebs.” With a beep of appreciation, BB-8 nestles up under Poe’s arm. He shifts so his other arm is around me.    This is nice. This little family here? It’s nice. I could stay like this forever.     I’m already exhuasted-- it’s been a long, stressful day. My eyelids are so heavy I can hardly keep them open, and it doesn’t help that Poe is warm and comfortable. He tries to lean his head back in order to sleep, but instantly regrets it. “Ow. Metal pillow. That’s not gonna work. I’m gonna use your head.”     I echo his words to me from a moment ago. “Happy to help, Commander Dameron.”       He laughs softly as he rests his head on mine, fully encompassing me in his embrace. I’m glad he can’t see my face, because I’m blushing from the contact; though I’m sure he can hear my heart pounding. I feel Poe smile softly. “...This is... kinda nice.”     He has no idea how nice. After we started talking that first night I met him, the X-wing wasn’t my safe place, he is. It’s an incredibly odd thing to feel so safe and relaxed around another human being, but... I can’t help it. He’s my best and only friend, but... Maybe sometimes, he feels like more than that. Neither of us will say it, though. I sigh, content. “...Wish we could stay like this.”     Poe lowers his voice to a whisper when he sees that Grogu is starting to nod off. “You mean safe? Relaxed? Or in this position? Because if it’s the latter we’d eventually go numb, Bez.”     I chuckle into his jacket. He smells like fuel and iron, and it relaxes me. “Together,” I specify.     He tenses and shifts a bit, careful of Grogu. Then I realize he’s brought the arm behind me up a bit so that he can tuck loose strands of hair behind my ear, but he keeps his knuckles resting on my temple. He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “One day, okay? I promise.”     I wonder if his words mean more than they sound like, but I’m sure that I’m probably overthinking it. He’s my best friend. Maybe I’m only seeing what I want to see. “...I’ll hold you to it, Poe.” He doesn’t move, keeping his face in my hair, but I do-- I shift enough to wrap my free arm around his chest and nestle closer, without moving Grogu. He doesn’t object, only tightening his grip. Before long, we’re all falling into light sleep, feeling comforted and safe in the blue-white glow of lightspeed.

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Thanks for reading! New episodes post Wednesday nights. If anybody else wants to be tagged, just let me know!

Taglist:

@simonsbluee​

[foryoumyheroes]

Otaku

[Bakugou + Todoroki] are in love with the anime character [Name]. 

A/N:  Gender-neutral reader  Crackish?? 

Bakugou Katsuki: 

He’s sort of picky with the genre, be it fantasy, horror, shonen, but his favorite character has to be a super cool, super powerful one. No excuses. 

You know, the type of anime character that’s probably introduced through a silhouette of them posing dramatically with their notorious group whose image is teased throughout the first few episodes/seasons. 

He goes pretty hard for All Might, and he’s definitely the same for your character. 

Reads the manga (but he buys it super secretly, like in a hoodie at night and the cashier probably thinks that they’re being robbed until he brings the entire [Series] collection to the register). Watches the anime the moment it’s broadcasted, reads metas and watches youtube videos that talk about conspiracies/analyses of your character. 

NO ONE CAN KNOW THOUGH. 

He’s taking his anime phase to the grave. 

For some reason gets super aggressive when you’re being flirty or being shipped with another character?? He hates all the scenes that tease any potential romance between you and other characters. asdfgj He’s like, “No one is good enough for [Name]!!! Except for me.” 

He even tries to think up ways he can legitimately square up with them LMAO. Like he wonders how he could defeat your potential S/Os in a fight but y’all are like ,,, anime characters SO WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER LOL 

“Three-sword style?? Tch, I’d fucking blow that bastard to bits.” 

“Who’s this Gaara of the Sand looking ass and why is the author getting so bold.” 

He even tries to think of how well your abilities match up with his own Quirk, this dork. 

THE LENGTHS HE WOULD GO FOR YOU.

If you were a real life person and your dislikes are lets say spicy food or loud, overbearing people, Bakugou would be like, “Tch I’m right, they’re wrong. Shut the fuck up!!!” But if his ultimate wifu/husbando has those dislikes he would be like, “Omg...😳😳 opposites attract...👉👈” 

He honestly tries to be a low-key fan (as in, not be a fan at all to outsiders), but if one day during class Kaminari ends up saying that in [Series], you’re the weakest character in your group/squad, Bakugou would get super angry. 

“Hey, Dunceface!! It’s so fucking obvious that you’re an anime-only fake fan, so don’t talk as if you know shit!” 

Bakugou is those “um actually” ;; fans 

Bakugou is a manga reader, so by the time your introduction scene or Ultimate Attack scene is being aired he becomes super OOC. He’s hyped for it for days, incredibly nervous at how the animators handle the scene. 

By the time he watches it?? 

THE ANIMATION!! THE VOICE ACTING!! YOUR COOLNESS!!! PLS ORA ORA HIM IN THE CHEST!! HE’S BEGGING YOU! IF YOU’RE GOING TO UNISON RAID WITH ANYONE PLS LET IT BE HIM!! 

He’s legitimately sweating buckets by the time the episode is over. A whole-ass fire hazard. 

Probably knows how to play your character theme on the drums. 

Omg but if your character dies/is hinted toward dying/or the most recent chapters ends with a cliffhanger where you’re fatally injured he will become legitimately depressed. 

Like holes himself in his dorm room for a whole day without contacting anyone and with the blinds drawn type of depressed. 

When he comes to class the next day with eye-bags and is slouching and his classmates think that something horrible has happened, it’s probably only Izuku who knows what’s going on. 

He’ll say, “You’re upset about the most recent chapter of [Series], right? I know it must be hard for you right now.” He’ll give Bakugou an officially licensed rubber strap of your character and Bakugou will just ;; cradle it in his hands softly. 

In complete seriousness, your character is probably someone who is strong physically, but publicly rallies for things like, “Failure is fine.” Your character arc would probably explore what it’s like being not good enough or feeling constantly disappointed, so he feels comfort in your character. 

Todoroki Shoto: 

In comparison to Bakugou, he’s probably a more low-key fan unintentionally, but goes just as hard. 

Buys all of the merch, limited-edition or not, has your picture set as his phone lockscreen and homescreen, has a little acrylic charm of you on his phone, follows several fanartists that draw your character on social media. He buys enough merch that his room looks like a glorified shrine. 

It’s canon that he reads manga, but I headcanon that he’s even less picky with his genres and willingly reads things like slice-of-life or shojo all the way to shonen or adult fantasy, so your anime could come from any possible story. 

Your character is probably someone who is sweet and kind but has a traumatic character backstory. 

He probably ends up thinking stuff like, “If [Name] was with me, I would never let them get treated like that.” asdhj he’s a dork too. 

Unironically dramatically quotes you during battle and thinks that it’s still badass because he’s a teenage boy in his anime phase. 

Doesn’t get into debates with people who don’t like your character. He’s like, “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion :)) even though they’re wrong. >:(.” 

If you’re from a sports/competition anime he’ll try to learn all of the rules, and even try it out for himself (if it’s not fighting) but he finds out that he’s... not very good at it. That doesn’t make him any less amazed though! 

If your character is from a different culture with different customs and traditions, he’ll even learn more about them outside of your anime! 

Forces his siblings to watch the anime with him. They don’t necessarily have to, but the Todoroki household has one big TV and he hogs it all the time watching your anime over and over. 

Natsuo is begging him to watch something else and Shoto will just pout angrily from the other side of the couch.( ￣＾￣)

It’s so jarring because he doesn't look or appear like a hardcore anime fan, but sometimes he’ll just butt into conversations randomly and talk about you. 

Like you know those tumblr Naruto posts that talk about it as if it’s some sort of Renaissance literature. That’s Todoroki. 

[”Man, they’re so hot--!” 

“You want to see someone hot?” Todoroki asks with a perfectly straight face, and he’ll just... turn his phone around and show them a picture of an anime character.] 

When his dad tries to set him up with someone else: “You think they’re my type? Do they watch [Series]? Do they know what true friendship is?? Do they understand pining and love the way [Name] does?” 

Endeavor: who the FUCK is [Name]. 

Gets into fanfiction because of your character and series. He’ll just be reading on his phone during break times at school and everyone thinks that he’s being so well-read but he’s just reading pure smut with a straight face. 

Doesn’t mind when you’re shipped with other characters necessarily but he is super picky. If your character is hinted toward a potential romance with another character that’s pretty crass and doesn’t necessarily treat you well but you’re sticking together through the power of friendship, he won’t ship it. 

He’s just like “[Name] would be so much happier with someone else like me.” ://// 

And if your character goes through something traumatic or terrible during the series he’ll be so sad, like soooo sad. :((( Deku would probably be comforting him on the couch in the common room and everyone is concerned because he looks like he’s mourning a lost pet, but it turns out to be over some anime character pshhhsdfh. 

Deku would just be patting his shoulder trying to console him and Todoroki’s just sitting there with a big frown on his face going, [“But they’ve been through so much throughout the anime already...” 

“I know, Todoroki-kun, I know...” 

“The author can’t do that to them... It’s just not fair.”

“I get it,” Midoriya says mournfully.]  

Plot twist: They like the same anime character 

They’ll probably find out when they have to retake the license exam together. 

Todoroki will just take his phone out during off times and Bakugou’s eyes looks over because it’s drawn by the noise but then his head just snaps to the side when he realizes its a little charm of you, like, he’s going to get whiplash from that. 

“What the -- is that [Surname] [Name]?!” 

Like they have never really hung out together before this, so when they both first realize that their favorite character of all time is [Name] they’re left ,, just standing there ,,, pointing at each other like the spiderman meme.

At first they’re both inwardly excited because FINALLY someone cultured and with taste. They spend the entire time talking about your stats, your attacks, your post-timeskip character design, and your personality, and then they delve a little bit deeper and then they realize ,,, oh. 

Bakugou says that you don’t belong with the dumb protagonist, you should be shipped with someone strong, confident and loud, but Todoroki is like noooooo they deserve to be with someone that treats them gently. 

They connect the dots. 

[“Bakugou, you aren’t compatible with [Name]. It says so in their trivia page.” 

“Says you! They won’t want some bland-ass pretty boy! They would want a real man!”] 

They’re such fanboys ;;; they do realize that you aren’t real, right asdfghj?

One day Kaminari and Sero separately invite them to an anime convention, but they both say no and that they have plans or “something better to do” that day. 

Then Bakugou and Todoroki both turn up to the convention at the same place because they both reach for the last limited edition [Name] figure and they just stare at each other wide-eyed (ʘoʘ╬) like that. 

They start verbally fighting each other over the last figure and then physically fighting each other andddd then they get kicked out of the convention. 

Izuku ends up swooping in and getting the last box. 

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 12

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Let's bring this thing home! It's time for the conclusion of the essay series!

Conclusion With a stupidly long essay series behind us, it's time to look at what we've learned! Let's go back to Part 1 and review what we needed from Van Zieks's character development for a fully rounded redemption arc, shall we?

1) Present an antagonistic (possibly immoral) force who personifies Ryunosuke’s biggest personal obstacle/weakness, in this case racial prejudice. 2) Humanizing traits begin to show. OPTIONAL: A backstory to justify any immorality he has. 3) Over time, Barok has his realization and sees the error of his ways. 4) Barok atones for his immorality, not simply through apology but by taking decisive steps. 5) The cast around him acknowledges his efforts and forgives him.

And looking at the main game (plus additional dialogue), we have...

1) Antagonistic force:

Etc. etc. I have many of these. We can all agree that as an antagonistic force, he does his job quite well. CEO of Racism and White Privilege in the flesh. It works, since we as the audience get very frustrated and want to see him defeated.

2) Humanization:

Giving him an old friend to be a defendant was a brilliant move, really. Albert's reflection on the friendship and the person Van Zieks used to be really helped flesh him out and make him appear more like a human being with, y'know, emotions and weaknesses. The little snippets of dialogue in his office really help too. Presenting evidence can also lead to fun tidbits. All in all, considering how gruff and distant Van Zieks is, they really did their very best to humanize him. The writers were given very little to work with but they exploited every opportunity to come their way.

OPTIONAL backstory:

Again, I don't think we needed a tragic backstory to have a well-rounded, redeemable character. Still, it ties in very expertly to the game's plot and the motivations of quite a few other characters. The story of Klint van Zieks and his death isn't necessarily Barok van Zieks's backstory, it's the center of an intricate web which also holds Kazuma, Stronghart, Gregson, Jigoku, (S)Holmes, Mikotoba, Sithe, Drebber- I could go on. A LOT. So because of how very integrated it is into the main narrative's recurring themes and characters, I'll give it props for being relevant and well thought out. The bigger question is: Does it justify his immorality? Not entirely. I think the game could have gotten more out of this if they'd involved the other two exchange students in this tale just a bit more. They could have given more attention to how Jigoku's aggressive behavior in the trial impacted Van Zieks, and explained whether he might've suspected Mikotoba of sabotaging (S)Holmes's investigation. If the narrative had done that, all three Japanese people to come to London would have been ‘the bad guy’ in Van Zieks's eyes and it would have given more credence to his racial generalization. They could have also given more attention to how the people around him reacted to Genshin being the Professor, because I'm sure Stronghart and Gregson stoked the fire in terms of xenophobia. As it stands, there isn't really enough there to justify hatred of an entire race as opposed to just one person.

3) Realization/Redemption

We see him already start to realize the error of his ways around the end of 1-5, which is technically only about halfway into the full narrative. Unfortunately, thanks to 2-2 being played afterwards (but chronologically set before 1-5), any progress made in 1-5 can become invalidated in the player's eyes. Growth works best when it's done linear. Don't get me wrong, flashbacking to earlier times when a character is still more morally tainted can work well, but it needs to be executed properly. Barok's behavior in 2-2 is downright insulting towards the audience itself and therefore, it causes emotional friction when relaying the narrative endgoal of redemption. It also makes it extra jarring when we hit 2-3, and suddenly Van Zieks is meant to be relying on the protagonist's desire to expose the truth. How on earth can we as the audience trust that Van Zieks believes in Ryu's abilities when we just came fresh out of a case where this man actively sabotages Ryu's efforts?

Still, the line of redemption continues from 2-3 into 2-4 well enough. He admits that he was wrong- that his hatred was illogical and that he needs to change. This is the very definition of redemption. I need to stress once more this is not to be confused with atonement, which comes next.

4) Atonement

Here it is. It's not enough to simply acknowledge mistakes; one needs to work hard to fix them. Since Van Zieks is the defendant for two whole episodes, equaling roughly 20% of the full narrative and 67% of the time following his first true realization (chronologically), there isn't much that he can actively do to atone. Because remember, not only do these actions need to fit the situation he's currently in, they need to fit his personality. These two limitations ensure the atonement mostly takes the form of dialogue. Of apologies.

One might want to point out that he never apologizes specifically for his racism, but there's a reason for that. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that there isn't a single character who ever uses a word like “racism”, “xenophobia” or even “racial prejudice” in this game. It's for the same reason you'll never see an Ace Attorney character utter words like “alcoholism”, “drug abuse” or “depression”. These things may be implied very strongly, to the point where you'll know for certain a character is suffering from it, but it's never given these exact labels. It has to do with the tone of the game. In Great Ace Attorney's dialogue, Barok van Zieks is only ever described as holding “a deep hatred for Japanese”, which is then the only thing he could apologize for. And he does, so long as you aren't looking for a literal phrasing of “I apologize for my deep hatred of your people”.

Regardless, he can't take more active, decisive action until he's freed from prison and two scenes with Van Zieks later, the game has ended. He still manages to take two actions, though! The first is to publicize the truth of the Professor, taking the blame of the mass murders off Genshin's shoulders (and losing his own privilege in the process). The second is to take Kazuma under his wing as his disciple. I'm not certain there's anything else the narrative could have had him do. What is decisively missing, however, is the following:

5) Acknowledgment

The above aren't good examples of cast acknowledgment that Van Zieks is taking part in a redemption arc, rather, they're the best I could find. Characters are acknowledging that he's changing- that he's being kinder to them and they can get along with him now, but they're not acknowledging that he caused hurt in the first place. This, in my opinion, is the Great Ace Attorney's biggest narrative flaw. I've talked before about how Ryu's reaction to Van Zieks's racism is 'indirect communication', a typically Japanese manner of dealing with negativity. I've also talked about how Ryu is not in a position to speak up, as he's a literal minority who is there to represent his country in an official capacity and can’t afford to make enemies. However, characters like Susato and Kazuma are far more outspoken in their opinions, as is Soseki. The only one who ever calls Van Zieks out on his racism is the British judge, and even that is done very meekly. When an old crusty white guy is the one who condemns white privilege in a cast full of minorities, you've got a problem. The Japanese cast's refusal to acknowledge that Van Zieks's words were harmful is like Team Avatar telling Zuko that sure, he can join since he's a good guy now, but never once acknowledging that he burned down villages or betrayed everyone's trust in Ba Sing Se. There's something very vital missing, see? If indeed the cast had called Van Zieks out more actively on his harmful ways and how necessary it was for him to change, he in turn could have taken more atonement steps in response.

So, for the conclusion: Does Barok van Zieks tick all the necessary boxes for a complete redemption arc? Yes. In a very technical sense, all the requirements are there. But does that mean it's a successful arc? Not necessarily. The game has a few slip-ups, a few things not executed as well as they could have been. For that reason, whether the audience is satisfied with the arc is entirely up to them. Taking into consideration that they had to cram a whole lot of story into just two games- the second game in particular, I can acknowledge they did their very best with the limitations that were there.

And there we have it! That’s all I could think to say on the matter. I hope everyone who read this till the very end enjoyed it, maybe even learned a thing or two. I’m always open to questions, input and constructive criticism!

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Mettaton’s Backstory:

This is part two of my ghost meta. I’d highly recommend reading part one first, which should be right below this post on my blog. It’s titled “Chara, The Fourth Blook Cousin” and it has the background for how I think ghost might work.

I mostly talked about Undertale ghosts in general and how they could explain Chara’s mysterious presence in the game, but now I want to talk about Mettaton, Maddy and Napstablook, and explain my thoughts on their backstories, why they’re different from other ghosts, how they became a family. Because I think about them literally nonstop

METTATON

He is the baby of the cousins (until Chara comes along)

Ghosts dont age (unless they become corporeal) and the cousins (again except Chara who’s like 12) are all basically in their twenties, but MTT is slightly younger than Maddy and Blooky

And also he was formed extremely recently compared to them

I’ll explain them in depth later but they've both got a few centuries and Mettaton is like,, 70

Literally even Chara was formed longer ago than he was, but Chara doesn’t get adopted by the Blook family for a few decades so he joins first

So Mettaton is in this infuriating state where he is old enough to be losing track of years and struggling to keep up with technology and memes

But at the same time he talks to his cousins and they're like “Infant. Baby Boy. Imagine keeping track of what decade it is, you're so small”

He ends up being the self-designated cousin in charge of keeping track of time and pop culture and whatnot out of spite

He’s like “I’ll never forget what's relavent, its not because i’m baby, its just because i am better than you”

Tiny recap from my previous post- I think ghosts are formed when monsters die while completely unsatisfied,

the ghosts have no memory of who they were and they don't have souls unless and until they become corporeal, but they get their personality and some habits from whoever they were

And mettaton starts out being completely obsessed with this

He wants to know who he was and what life mission he left unfinished

He’s like “its gotta be super important because the universe literally made me immortal so i could finish it”

But figuring it out is… hard

It can take ghosts years to form after someones death and theres just so many monsters its impossible to narrow it down

When he does research he makes a lot of friends with monsters who have recently lost loved ones and he actually gets really good at talking to them and listening to their stories and letting them vent

This is a huge part of the reason he never starts to fade or sink into depression like most ghosts do at first, because he has people to talk to who need him

But also while doing research, he realizes that there’s no one he can find who he WANTS to be?

He’s like “yeah these all seem like they were cool monsters when they were alive but none of them seem like me?”

He has little hints of who he was, he knows he hates being alone and needs people near him always, he knows he’s super curious about learning about other people and reading dramatic stories and listenifn to gossip,, and he is for some reason extremely curious about humans, he knows he loves the color pink and the concept of the stars,,, but like,,, none of those are a life mission,,, they're just little quirks

So anyway like a year in to becoming a ghost, he is being emo and crying about this in waterfall when Maddy finds him and is like “shut up, youre scaring the snails” and he’s like “fight me right now… OH MY GOSH ARE YOU HOLDING A SNAIL THATS THE CUTEST THING EVER”

Maddy and Blooky do not invite him to join their family, he literally adopts himself

He is like. Lovely. Pretty farm. I live here now. I am building a house. I work here now. You are both my cousins.

And they just accept it.

He doesn’t ever really introduce himself to them officially?

He’s still convinced he needs to know who he was, so he’s kind of terrified of having his own opinion on his name or gender or anything because what if he’s wrong?

They both try to ask him who is is or anything about him but he’s just like “Nope Nope Nope, you are not allowed to percieve me yet. Give me attention but do Not perceive”

But he is happy to talk about the snails and to listen about how to care for them

Also he wants to learn more about ghosts because most other ghosts are just little lumps of sadness and regret who dont rlly talk so he tries to like,,, just lay on the floor in blooky’s house and see if theyll tell him things,, or he’ll just bother them until they tell him things

Blooky is the one who introduces him to music, and its mostly by accident

Mettaton is like,, actually fascinated by Blooky’s love of music and is like,, “wait IS it fulfilling? Is THIS what you died to do? Is it your greater purpose? Does it make your life worth living and make everything right and the stars align as you realize who you were before??”

And Blooky is like “I like… drum… sticks go click click and it is nice…”

And Mettaton is like “fascinting.. tell me more.”

So thats how Mettaton gets music lessons from Blooky

He also encourages them to play their music for others and start a band

Which Blooky ends up loving so so much

They dont like talking to strangers but they love performing, its a completely different energy

and thats also how mettaton is introduced to performance

And he’s like “oh. Oh ho ho. This is pretty nifty”

So anyway he continues trying to figure out who he was but he’s also kept more busy and realizes that just. Doing stuff is good

He starts a bunch of clubs and activities and stuff because he adores meeting people and being in the center of attention

Until eventually he makes the human appreciation club and meets a certain lizard

And she REFUSES to talk about herself and Mettaton doesnt know what to do with himself because SOMEONE’s gotta be vulnerable

So it takes him all of two minutes to start gushing about how he’ll never know who he was meant to be and it sucks because how can he ever be himself or become corporeal if he doesnt know what he was supposed to do or look like or be

And alphys is like. “Oh. I could try designing something for you. What do you want to look like?”

And mettaton is like. “Wait. I am allowed to want? I thought i was just. Something. And i have to find it.”

And alphys is like… “listen i am not a ghost expert but i feel like if u could be anything, why not be? Do u want pink swooshy hair?”

And he’s like “oh my god yes please”

He doenst tell his cousins because it still feels illegal to him to just. Decide who he WANTS to be instead of being who he was meant to by the universe

Literally neither of them would care, both of them are so confused by his destiny obsession anyway but unfortunately he is stupid

And then he moves in with alphys while she makes his body and he is just so so happy and he gets to choose what kind of character he’s reborn as

And eventually ofc he does tell his family and they are like “you are stupid. I love you”

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,919 Words

Summary: A new friend moves into the dorm.

Warnings: Death Mention, Abandonment Mention, Orphan Mention, Disownment, Cursing, Injury Mention, Blood Mention, Caps, Food Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Usernames: Existence Is A Prison  Aizawa: feral cat dad, Aoyama: gay salt, Hagakure: ranch flavored jello, Tokoyami: foil-mecha, Shinsou: farmer toshi, Kuroiro: life is a nightmare, Shiozaki: saviour, Tsunotori: schrodinger better run, Honenuki: pure, Monoma: nat20, Yamada: President Megaphone, Bakugou: deku-deck-you

Aizawa, We Agreed No More Cats: Chapter 5

6:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

President Megaphone: Alright, you might have noticed dorm 10 is occupied this morning. You guys are getting another fellow dormmate.

gay salt: mon dieu. Who?

President Megaphone has added Bakugou

Bakugou: Hi, I guess.

farmer toshi has changed Bakugou's name to deku deck-you

deku deck-you: I'd kill you if you didn't risk your life for my teacher.

farmer toshi: Come kill me then, coward.

deku deck-you: No, I'm too tired.

schrodinger better run: Hey, Baku, what's your tragic backstory?

deku deck-you: What?

foil-mecha: Well, about 60% of us in here have a tragic backstory for being in the dorms. Monoma's mother abandoned him in Japan, Hagakure and Shinsou are orphans, Kuroiro's parents hate her, and Honenuki's been disowned. Me and Shiozaki are only here because our commute to and from school would have been horrible and Tsunotori and Aoyama are exchange students.

deku deck-you: It's stupid. I don't want you to think I'm pathetic.

gay salt: If anyone makes fun of you, I'll personally kick in the teeth. Besides Shinsou, he gets a free pass only because his teeth are already fucked this week with wires.

deku deck-you: Well, my old hag mother wanted me to drop from UA because it's too dangerous for her liking but I wouldn't do it so she kicked me out and disowned me. She beat me pretty bad, ended up breaking my right kneecap and left a bunch of deep cuts on my arms and almost severed my arteries in my wrists with some glass from a vase she broke before she threw me out of the house.

deku deck-you: I'd have used my quirk on her if it wouldn't be considered unwilling quirk usage against a civilian and, with my quirk, I'd be put in jail for how dangerous me using it in a fight could be, especially if she claimed I hurt her. I can't even go to class this morning because she threw my blood on my UA uniform so I wouldn't go back.

farmer toshi: Can't say it'll completely fit you, but my uniform is clean in room 6 in the top drawer of my dresser. Use mine for today since I'm not allowed to go to school today still. I threw up last night so I'm being held yet again for observation.

deku deck-you: Thank you. Who all is even here?

ranch flavored jello: Oh yeah, introductions. You weren't here for them.

ranch flavored jello has quoted 21 messages

Aizawa: Shouta, he/him, I'm gay, married, depressed

Shinsou: Hitoshi, he/him, I'm gay

Monoma: Seiko, she/they/he, pansexual/genderfluid, if you have a crush on me, you're some kind of gay

Hagakure: Toru, she/her, lesbian

Aoyama: Akemi, she/they, trans mtf/lesbian

Tsunotori: Pony, she/her, lesbian

Shiozaki: Ibara, they/them, asexual/agender/aromantic

Kuroiro: Kageya, she/her, trans mtf/bi

Tokoyami: Fumikage, he/him, trans ftm/bi

Honenuki: Juzo, she/her?, bi

Kuroiro: Ah yes, our girl, Honenuki Kiyomi.

Shinsou has changed Aizawa's name to feral cat dad

Shinsou has changed Aoyama's name to gay salt

Shinsou has changed Hagakure's name to ranch flavored jello

Shinsou has changed Tokoyami's name to foil-mecha

Shinsou has changed Kuroiro's name to life is a nightmare

Shinsou has changed Shiozaki's name to saviour

Shinsou has changed Tsunotori's name to schrodinger better run

Shinsou has changed Honenuki's name to pure

Shinsou has changed Monoma's name to nat20

feral cat dad has changed Shinsou's name to farmer toshi

deku deck-you: Well, I'm pansexual, he/him, trans ftm, just please don't call me Bakugou anymore, I don't want that hag's surname.

feral cat dad: I'll fight your mother, don't tempt me.

feral cat dad: Also how about Aizawa Katsuki?

deku deck-you: I'm going to start crying.

nat20: Looks like Mr. Aizawa is adopting another kid with bad parents.

President Megaphone: Yeah, I'll get the paperwork on the UA twelve hour adoption from custody transfer.

deku deck-you: Oh my god, I can't believe this is really happening.

farmer toshi: I'd kill a transphobe for my brother, your honor.

deku deck-you: I have a family? Really? A real family that won't hurt me?

President Megaphone: As your uncle, I assure you, nobody here will hurt you.

feral cat dad: Katsuki, I would never hurt my son.

farmer toshi: Yeah, dude, I wouldn't hurt you, ever.

ranch flavored jello: I have a brother! I wanna paint your nails!

deku deck-you: I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.

farmer toshi: I'm glad you're happy, Katsuki.

deku deck-you: You're all so nice, thank you.

gay salt: We'd be nice to you regardless, Kats. We're happy to help you whilst you're settling in and finally getting to feel safe. We're proud of you for being brave enough to reach out for help when you needed it.

deku deck-you: I need to get dressed before y'all keep making me cry.

deku deck-you is now offline

7:50 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: katsukiinhisschooluniformwithorangehair.jpg

deku deck-you: Toru helped me because my arms still hurt a lot when I grab things.

ranch flavored jello: My boy, Katsuki, looks like a god.

deku deck-you: I finally don't look like my mother anymore.

farmer toshi: I'll punt kick her for you, bro.

deku deck-you: Don't make me cry.

ranch flavored jello: Get to class, Kats. I'm waiting for you.

deku deck-you is now offline

8:15 AM

Existence  Is A Prison

ranch flavored jello: katsukisnewhair.vid

Video Transcript

Oh my god, Kacchan? -Unknown

Let me fucking explain maybe before you all just gang up on me and make me even more uncomfortable. -deku deck-you

My hag mom threw me out because I wouldn't drop from the Hero Course because it's too 'dangerous' for her liking now. So I'm living in the dorms, if you make fun of my hair, I'll have to kill you because Toru worked hard to make it look good on a time constraint -deku deck-you

I think it looks really good, Kacchan! - Unknown

I will still deck you, Deku, you damn nerd. -deku deck-you

[the camera shows that Katsuki is actually happy and smiling at Midoriya and he's being hugged by Aoyama as Aizawa comes into the room bandaged to the point of looking like a Halloween mummy decoration]

Transcript End

President Megaphone: God fucking dammit, Shouta!

farmer toshi: DAD!

ranch flavored jello: What's wrong?

President Megaphone: He wasn't supposed to start teaching again yet since he's still too injured for Recovery Girl's quirk to work on him.

gay salt: Don't worry, us dorm kids will make sure he doesn't do anything too dangerous.

President Megaphone: Fine, I guess.

3:15 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I'm officially going back in the dorms, Aunt Nemuri came and got me. They knocked my hold down to twelve hours since I threw up since I haven't had anymore nausea or vomiting.

farmer toshi: My stubborn ass is at the store before I go home, do you guys need anything?

President Megaphone: Make sure you pick yourself up things that are liquid for the next couple days while you're on the mend before Recovery Girl can heal you.

farmer toshi: That's the plan. I've already procured blueberry yogurt drinks and silken tofu and soft ice cream and jellies and stuff. I wanted to know before I check out if anyone else needs anything.

gay salt: Yeah, grab me some boiled octopus and crab sticks if you can. I'm craving them.

foil-mecha: jagariko please, whichever one you find.

ranch flavored jello: Enoki, a bunch of them, and thick white bread.

feral cat dad: Just grab some extra jellies.

life is a nightmare: ham, bean sprouts, tofu, and eggs.

pure: Tofu and spam.

schrodinger better run: Milk, bacon, and eggs for my breakfast tomorrow.

nat20: cheese sausages and kimchi ramen, please.

saviour: Just tofu and edamame.

President Megaphone: aloe yoghurt.

farmer toshi: Got it. I'll be home in like a half hour. Be waiting for your groceries.

8:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

schrodinger better run: @everyone I've made everyone breakfast! Even you, Shinsou and Mr. Aizawa. I made you two's food liquid for you.

schrodinger better run: Breakfast is eggs, pancakes, bacon, and tofu. I made the pancakes vegan friendly and I tried really hard to make the tofu like sausage for Toru and Ibara!

saviour: Thank you, Pony, I'm sure it'll be good no matter what.

ranch flavored jello: Thanks Pony, you're the best.

schrodinger better run: No problem!

schrodinger better run: And for Mr. Aizawa and Shinsou, I made you two your smoothie bags and some of the juice I made for you!

farmer toshi: Which ones?

schrodinger better run: For you, the vanilla coconut, chocolate peanut butter jelly, and guava orange juice. For Mr. Aizawa, spinach peanut butter banana, citrus berry, and guava orange juice.

feral cat dad: Thank you, pony.

feral cat dad: No, capitalize pony.

feral cat dad: Fucking speech to text.

feral cat dad: Pony. There we go.

schrodinger better run: Love you, Mr. Aizawa.

feral cat dad: Love you too, kid.

2:30 PM

Existence Is A Prison

feral cat dad: Katsuki, Recovery Girl says she can likely heal you now that you're feeling better.

deku deck-you: Yeah, sure.

3:45 PM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: You feel okay, Kats?

deku deck-you: Yeah, just tired. I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up for dinner.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:45 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Jeez, you get up early. I'll try to run with you tomorrow.

deku deck-you: I'm good running alone, Shinsou.

farmer toshi: Oh, okay.

deku deck-you: I mean, if you wanna, then go ahead, but I know you don't sleep well. Plus you have to rest up so Recovery Girl can heal you.

farmer toshi: I know, but I also know it sucks to run alone sometimes.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Shoot, I slept past my alarms.

deku deck-you: It's fine. As long as you're getting sleep, you don't have to run with me, Shinsou.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Fucking alarms weren't set.

deku deck-you: You needed the sleep, Shinsou. You were up late.

farmer toshi: Fine. But I'll catch you one of these mornings.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

6:15 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I'm getting closer, you early bastard.

deku deck-you: Keep thinking that, Shinsou.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

5:55 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: Now you're taunting me.

deku deck-you: You wish. I'm just good at waking up early.

5:30 AM

Existence Is A Prison

deku deck-you: I'm going out for a run.

5:35 AM

Existence Is A Prison

farmer toshi: I JUST MISSED YOU!

farmer toshi: Get back here little bastard!

deku deck-you: shinsousprintingafterhim.jpg

life is a nightmare: What a wholesome ending.

deku deck-you: shinsoufellonme.jpg

President Michael: You good, kids?

deku deck-you: Yeah, we're good. My knee is a little achy but I'll be fine.

farmer toshi: Don't worry, I'll force him back if he's hurt, Uncle Zashi.

Taglist: @everythingisstardust

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Reviews: The Phantom and the Sorceress

Ducktales returns! The Phantom Blot returns to animation after too damn long with a neat backstory, an infnity guantlet and a hate boner for anything magic related. And since Lena is magic related she’s forced to go to her worst enemy and local close up magician Magica De Spell for help. Also Gladstone is here because we missed him and for no other reason. But we missed him so it’s okay. Friendship Is Magic, under the cut. 

Woo-ooo! We’re back! Months later and in a new room, with new things to be depressed about because this year is groundhog day and everyone is bill murray, which isn’t as fun as it should be, Ducktales is finally back on screens and in my heart. And my galbladder.. he really likes ducktales.  But yeah with the recent cancelation of the venture bros, it’s nice to get it’s spirtual littlte brother back just a few weeks later to help fill the void, and while a comparison to it now I know frank’s a fan and noticed the simlarties between rusty and gyro thanks to a tumblr post, the same post for both things inf act, I might just do that one day. But tha’ts not what your here, for , iv’e had to rewrite this intro enough times, Pitter Patter, let’s get at er. 

This episodes opens with Scrooge sitting down for his morning tea when the kids pop out of the tv and hte bored way he figures it out is really hilarious. David Tennat is really good at selling just how Scrooge has both seen it all and has the deductive skills of Barbra Gordon. What eveyrone syaing “Of batman” gets old after a while and she’s just as smart as he is, especially as oracle. Point is it’s a good bit. As he correclty guesses the kids were playing Legends of Nerverquest or whatever that game Huey and Della played last season is called, one of them wished it was real, presumibly Dewey, and Lena’s magic accidently made it happen.  And since it’s her first spotlight episode of the season, and possibly only one since this season is kind of packed, it’s time to talk about Lena! Admitely I PLANNED to do at least her first episode and her two season 2 episodes before this, but life got in the way so here we are. Lena.. is easily one of my faviortes, the number of weblena chats have made that clear. She’sd got a compelling arc, the show tackles abuse well in her narrative, and she and webby have really sweet chemstiry. Plus she brought us Violet and i’ll always be greatful for that and she’s voiced by Kimiko Glenn in her first major voice acting role so that helps too. SHe’s a great addition to the cast and the canon. Same, as the previous comment made obvious, goes for Violet, and the three togther have a great dynamic and i’ts nice to finally see an episode with JUST the three of them post “Friendship Hates Magic.”. 

But yeah Lena’s magic’s been going haywire and I do feel the setups abit rushed.. hilarious but rushed. While Night on Kilmotor hill did establish her magic can run wild, it was also vauge if it was because of her, or it was because magica was messing with her head. IT’s still a plausable setup since we haven’t really SEEN her use her magic or have any intrest and doing so and she’s only done so either while working for magica, to undo something magica did, or to give her sister a mace so she could literally go midevil on some alien ass, it just feels a bit abrubt. And while Night on Kilmotor hill also set up a problem we hadn’t seen on screen, it felt like it gave us more time to ease into it and Lena’s issues, and made it clear SOMETHING was up instead of just telling us that. The rest of hte episode is still good i’ve just seen the show be way better at setup than this. 

But yeah Lena’s magic keeps runing their fun and she feels bad about it, while Scrooge ends up putting his foot and spats in his mouth by voicing his hatred of magic, with all his nephews giving him a “Grandpa no look” and Webby glaring at him.. and whiel I didn’t realize it while watching it.. whiel sh’es given him a disaporving look, the equilvent of shooting bambi in the face emtoinally, she’s only been THIS angry with him one other time.. and it was the time he said “Your not family”. Thankfully this time he’s not in defnstive arrogant bastard mode, so he meekly walks it back to exclude her and she shrugs it off: She hates magic too. And really.. it’s not hard to see WHY given that most times it’s enterted her life, it’s nearly got everyone she loves killed, and that the only spellcaster she knows personally is the absuive aunt whose gaslighted her on multiple occasions, most recently to try and renslave her.  Thankfully before Webby can make an old man bleed for his insesntivity, Della reveals some magical creature is there and Scrooge, while annoyed it’s more magic, is happy for another adventure and invites everyone along. And I jsut love that he dosen’t even show the slightest hesitation bringing Violet and Lena along. As far as he’s concerned probably their family too, maybe not as much as Webby but their still welcome. I mean granted i’m sure della and donald had an awkard conversation with Ty and Indy over all this to make sure it was cool, but still, it’s a nice gesture on his part and show’s his personality: He really dosen’t care who comes along as long as they can pull their weight and share his love for adventure, their welcome.  It’s also nice ot see him and Lena interact since the two really haven’t since the shadow war: Sure he’s been in the same room with her twice, btu they haven’t really spoken. Though my honest guess is they could’ve genuinely meant for Scrooge to adopt her into the family.. but when coming up with Violet found her family adopting her and them becoming sisters to be a better idea and went with that. And to be fair it is, and not just for  shipping purposes, I just wish we got some closure on that line, but i’m also aware the show has a LOT of ground to cover each season, so I understand it probably got squeezed out by all the other stuff going on and don’t really sweat it since we got something better anyway, her getting two gay dads and a sister, it just felt worth talking about.  And in universe.. I feel he didn’t simply because he didn’t either know she was back or have a chance to, though i’m also damn certain, at least in my own headcanon, he helped those men formally adopt her. I mean he owns most of the city, and they probably also had to make Lena legally exist in the first place since I doubt Magica bothered to put her on any offical records that weren’t signed in blood and written on paper made of avian flesh, which given SCrooge’s experince is probably not the first time he had to get a person into official records who came into being by way of magic or some other weirdness. 

Anyways, Lena opts out of the adventure because she’s worried about it going haywire and Webby opts out out of sympathy and while Violet is clearly keen to go, she gladly does so for her sister.. though this just makes Lena feel worse since now her girlfriend and her sister are missing out on stuff because of her, and suggests just going to sleep before she whoopsie daisy magics them to death.  The girls end up woken from their sleep however by a bang at the door. It’s Gladstone!

Yup it’s time to talk about another character I haven’t talked about yet. Gladstone is easily one of the show’s best overhauls. See in the comics while Gladstone is just as lucky and lazy.. he’s also just.. 

Okay i’m amazed it’s taken this long for me to refrence jean ralphio in one of these reviews but i’m glad it was for this.  Back on topic, while I know Gladstone in the comics has his fans, and is softend a bit in european comics, but in most stories i’ve read with him he’s an insufferably arrogant dick. Even BEFORE getting his luck, his first apperance, which I own in trade and read earlier this year, has him trying to take Donald’s house and kick him and the nephews out on the street over a drunken wager to take a polar dive, which Donald fials because life hates him and he’s a coward. Thankfully Daisy rushed in and saved the day because she’s great sometimes ,and turned things on him wiht his own drunken crap, but still, it says something when your first apperance is trying to force three ten year olds and your own cousin out into the cold. 

He .. did not get any better once his super luck came into play. Instead he just flautned it all the time and tried to constnatly win Daisy over from donald.. which had varying sucess based on how much of a shallow dick she was being that story, and in general was just unplesant. He really only works for me in comic in those aformetioned softer times: when a writer makes his luck ruin his love life or add actual depth instead of him just being the raincloud on donal’ds parade. The original ducktales and the going quackers game are the only places I can think of he showed up otherwise, prototype in the old disney shorts nonwithstanding, and Ducktales Classic made him a nice guy from what i’ve heard. Thankfully frank and crew knew exactly what to do to adapt him perfectly: He still retains some aspects from the comics: Donald and Scrooge still hate him, Donald for Gladstone always winning and always having it easy while Donald.. is donald and thus utterly miserable half the time and on fire the other half, and Scrooge because he’s a lazy asshole who gets whatever he wants with the least effort, which didn’t change. What did change was his attitude. While he still is proud of getting whatever he wants in life with no effort and being “the best at getting something for nothing” he dosen’t lord it over everyone else. Sure he’s proud of it but he dosen’t rub Donald’s nose in how much better off he is on purpose, and genuinely loves his family, something I really coudln’t say about most versions of comic Gladstone. While he’s self serving he’s perfectly happy to share his luck with whoever else: He can always get more money whenever he needs it because of course he will. The other factor helping is , as with this entire reboot, the voice acting, in this case the marvelous Paul F Thompkins of Bojack and so much other stuff fame, who really sells the “Sleazy vegas layabout” vibe this series gives him, updating his old aristocratic asshole vibe to something more fun to watch and really being a treat anytime gladstone comes up. Gladstone singing in season 2 was entirely something Paul Improvised during his first apperance they made sure to use eventually. He’s a delight any time he shows up and a total 180 from his utterly agrviating original version. 

As for why he’s here.. said luck. is gone. After being hit by some weird energy, Gladstone suddenly, since he didn’t see it hit him, finds himself living normally: going to a restraunt offers no free meal for being 100th custmoer or anything, his wallet dosen’t magically have 20 dollars in it, and the atm gives him 20 dollars.. which would seem normal except it’s actually usually a sack of rubys.  Naturally Gladstone having coasted his entire life on his magical luck, has no idea how to function as a normal human being and is utterly hilarious as he breaks down. Admitely he’s not the biggest part of the plot, he’s mostly here for comic relief and COULD have been eaisly cut.. but he’s so hilarious and seeing him utterly fail at being a normal person and whine about things as simple as walking or going up stairs is just groovy.  As for what weird magical bolt took it, Violet being violet figures it out quick: The Phantom Blot! For those unfamiliar, he’s a charcter from the mickey mouse comics, though I know him from one episode of house and mouse that adapted those comics that I need to read more of, a master schemer and old school villian par excellence and Mickey’s greatest foe. I was ecastic to see him come here and in the capable hands of Giancarlo Espisto. While I haven’t watched brekaing bad i’ve heard nothing but good thigns and he does his best with what little he’s given. But here instead of a master schemer he’s an infamous magic theif and is obviously the one who drained gladstone.. and unforutntely for scrooge the boys and presumibly everyone else... we see him in action using his fancy infnity guantlet esque magic draining gauntlet to drain the portal they took. Ruh Roh.  It gets worse when he mistakes Lena for magica, and charges after her, though Webby is able to hold him off with the axe she grabbed on the way to the door earlier, and damages his gauntlet. he retreats.. but it’s obvious he’ll be back and both Webby and Violet come to the conclusion Lena needs to grasp her magic in order to survive.. and both have the same unfortunate relization: They only know one person who can do it and Lena, once she realizes what hteir thinking, wnats nothing to do with her, and neither do they. But they have no options: they have to go to magica.  So they journey to her house on Dagobah, with Gladstone tagging along because they need a wacky comedic sidekick to help lighten the mood what with the serious, grim hunter wanting to murder a teenage girl inf nront of her tweenage girlfriend and kid sister, and their only resort being going back to her abuser for help.  Magica however isn’t all that helpful at first. Being Magica her first move is to make a grab for the Amulet to get her power back, which her running crew thwart quickly but naturally Lena still wants nothing to do with her and Magica just insults her for not using magic and because she’s a terrible person. SHe does however end up changing her tune when she hears the blot’s involved. She whisks them inside while we get a cutaway to FOWL headquarters where blot is working on his guantlet more on him in a minute.  We soon get the Blot’s backstory which is actually really inttresting and invovled even if it’s not a lot like who he is in the comcis or house of mouse: A long ass time ago before meddling kids got in her way, Magica took over a small vililage with the threat of destroying it and eveyrone in it outright unless they gave her tributes.. and when those got boring she just did it anyway. Problem was, as happens a lot when evil sorecerers calously destroy hometowns, one of them survivied. It’s even lampshaded by Magica as she points out Blot wasn’t the first. The problem was.. he was persitant. The blot never gave up, coming up with better tech to fight her magic each time and coming back stronger and likely more determined. I like this verson: While he’s not the bwahahah mastermindk, he’s still an utter threat, a force with an unyielding hatred and a burning mission to take out the target of his hate and anything like her. He reminds me a lot of toffee from star vs but if htey actually gave his backstory on screen. A meancing, somehwat quite, or mostly silent in the blot’s case, immortal menace who’s deterimiend to wipe out those who wronged him and anything related to them and has warped from what was once probably a decen tperson into a human engine of destruction with one goal and one goal only. He’s a good enoguh villian for the episode, I just hope if he comes back they give him better lines. his dialouge is really what dosen’t work for me as whiel his backstory and aura of meance work, Giancarlo is given nothing to work with line wise. He dosen’t need to be a chatty cathy or anything, just give him one or too really cool lines. Sometimes tha’ts all you need. Watch how the pros do it. 

I do like this verison, I jsut think they could do more, but given the show has a good track record for only getting better with their villians with every use, I have no worries about that and he’s still a cool enough threat. I also wish we got more of fowl or why he’s working with them. just a small scene with one of them was all I asked, because we’ve barely gotten fowl this season. It’s really one of the season’s only real problems so far: 8 episodes in and while FOWL agents have shown up twice, adn one of the episodes did advance that plot by showing off heron and steelbeak, we really haven’t seen any progress on their plans to both take the missing mysteries or kill the Clan McDuck. HOpefully this changes as we go and again, it dosen’t ditract from the episode itself, jsut the season as a whole.  Anyways, Lena is still relucntant because Magica is terrible and keeps slipping in how much she wants to take the amulet every five minutes. I love the show and catherine tate’s take on magica: just as hammy and nuts as before but when she does have magic, she’s the utter threat she was before too times ten.  But yeah while Lena’s relunctant.. neither of htem really has a choice> Magica needs her amulet secure to get her magic back, and Lena needs to not die. So they relucntantly agree to work together among more hilarous sniping.  Cue a training montage set to a hell of an 80′s tune. The show really has a good habit of making good incdental music to use in bits like this. Lena trains, uses gladstone as the training dummy, and it’s funny as it is creative and we even get some karate kids bit and the obvious star wars refrences. Meanwhile the blot approaches ever closer..  We also find out something important from Magica as she chastises Lena for having fun with her friends while training after Lena uses blue magic instead of purple: Turns out much like spellcasters in say owl house or my little pony each caster has a specific color to their magic, a Colur of magic if you will. Magica’s, and lena using hers is purple while the blue magic we’ve seen from her is her own powered by friendship and love. It’s a nice advancement of what we’ve seen so far: We’ve seen her magic powered by webby is stronger than her other stuff, and we’ve seen it come out during times their bond, or in the case of kilmotor hill her bond with everyone, is strongest. We knew something was diffrent with the magics and it’s now given a though and clearly well thought out explination why: Magica’s magic is hers and Lena was just borrowing it.. the blue stuff is hers and hers alone.  Magica does try to get her to master it by having one of her friends shoot her.. Webby of course strongly objects so Violet takes it up since it is for study after all and her sister can take a hit. Lena also wonders how she can even do magic without the amulet, but as Magica makes clear, and as I outlined above, the amulet is just help. The blue magic is her. Lena fails to use it though to deflect in time.. and to make matters worse the blot shows up after plopping gladstone down and wants to kill them  both.  We then get easily the best laugh of the episode.. as Magica tries stage magic and the blot wonders what the hell he’s looknig at. I mean this is his mortal enemy, the monster who killed everyone he’d ever known or loved... pulling out a bunch of colored rags and asking him to pick a card. It’s amazing. Lena attacks from the side and Webby and Violet quickly asist, with Magica joining in to use the rope to bind him and Lena’s magic kicking in, turning the rope into chain and summoning a snake.. but in a show of badassery the blot easily shrugs it off: he absorbs the magic, escapes and knocks them around while Webby asks the snake for help.. can she speak snake? She hopes so. 

Then things get dire as The Blot starts absorbing the magic.. and killing lena as she starts to fade away. Magica of course can’t even feign dispaointment in anything but loosing her magic. And that’s also something I really love here: The show makes no attempt to make magica better or turn around because it just isn’t who she is and even if she did after all the abuse she did, Lena would have zero reason to forgive her. It’s nice that they DON’T try redemeing her or shoing a brighter side: she’s a bad person, a worse caregiver and they only came to her because they had no choice. 

But as the magic’s absorbed magica does tell her to find the source of the power and we get a great scene: She first thinks of all the abuse magica’s done to her and it’s a harrowing montage to watch. But webby, breaks through that, since that obviouslyf ails and reminds her of where HER magic comes from: Her and webby. and we get an adorable,a nd shiptastic montage as we see more clips from past episodes.. but this time we see their adorable fistbump from “Beagle BOy Birthday Massacre”, their hug from “Jaw$!” and Lena’s return to the world and hug with her lady and future sister from “Friendship hates magic”. IT’s her friends, her sister and the love of her life who are her real source of power, and her magic connects to htem as lena ccccchanges.  And I mean entirely, her outfit changes and she gets these.. weird bright blue eyes. Like I like the rest of her outfits, a white and blue attire to show her change with a badass cape, looks like a superhero so naturally I love it.. her eyes just look really off. Like when Milo Muprhy’s law tried to give characters colored irses. Because no one else in ducktales has them it just loosk.. weird.. Otherwise though I like it. We then get a beam struggle, but with adde dhelp from her friends and her new power, Lena eventually beats the blot, as her sheer power overloads the guantlet and sends him running. However in the confusion the amulet was lost.. and Magica gets it back. Lena whollops her easily, pointing out her magic’s purpose is to protect the world from people like her. It’s a nice development too: Lena realizes MAGIC isn’t inherently evil... it’s how it’s used. Star Vs could’ve maybe taken this lesson, but regardless, it’s a nice bit of character development realizing that magic is a part of her IS Her, and she shoudln’t have to give up something in her nature because of her abuser. Magica, while repowered, is force dto lookf or her staff while Lena gladly floats team magic home. Also with the guantlet broken gladstone is back, as a rain of 20 dolalr bills he uses as tissues confims, and the portal returns, and with Lena you know, havin ga whole superhero outfit, glowing blue eyes and her hair streak now blue, they know something clearly happend and the episode just kind of ends. Still a good one.  Final Thoughts: This was a good one as I just said. While I had my nitpicks here and there as I also said, Lena’s strong character, and the game performances of Espisito, Thompkins, and Tate really add to our usual trlo, and as I mentioned before it’s nice ot see team magic get their own episode now their a full team. IT’s just a good romp and a good way back. I”ve made my complaints clear but their drowned out by good jokes, good character stuff, and good worldbuilding that makes this an utter thrill and a great one to come back to and i’tll also be intresting to see where Lena goes from here.  But wherever she goes she’ll have webby. They can be whot hey are, independent together, if theyt ry. And yes that’s my shiping song for htem and yes I have one. 

Quick bit before I go I dind’t get to, Gladstone flirts with magica when she lands in his arms, a little something for the shippers and a nice gesture on frakn’s part. Whle she rejects him and he dumps her in the sludge with a shrug. I mean.. their probably going to bang at some point. Gladstone’s powers mean he’ll likely find her when sh’es super horny and more than willing, and he’ll be like “eh why not boobs”. I mean I thought about this: I figure his powers allow him to find a willing partner, any gender or none at all I see him as pansexual, who happens to probablyb e loaded and diseased free, whenever he happens to be into it who naturallyw orks out perfectly because if he gets money whenever he wants it, why not sex? It’s not even a concious thing as we’ve seen things just work out for him so of course he probably gets laid, and as we see here it’s only if the other person consets. Good for him. Hope to see him again sooner. I want to see more of him and della interacting and see what she thinks of him. Freshe eys andall that. 

But yeah this was great to come back to. If you liked this i’ve reviewed the rest of the season up to this point and will be reviewing each episdoe every monday till they stop again, so keep an eye out for that.  You can check the tabs on my blogs for more reviews, come back this weekend for regular loud house coverag,e follow for more reviews or shoot me a pm if you’d like to comission me to do an episode. For just 5 bucks i’ll review any episode of any animated show of your choosing, and as i’ve only covered one season 2 episode of ducktales, there’s over 40 left ot choose from if you have any you want to hear my thoughts on. Until then stay safe, quack hard, and Go Team Venture! Play us out Steg .. and Co. 

[mechamastermind]

DJ Subatomic Supernova backstory - Part one

Alright, so I will preface this by saying there isn’t actually a lot to infer over DJ, nor do I think that every character must be some complex tragic backstory deep character. I think DJ Is a simple man, and I will explain what I know, and what I like to think about him. I will also combine this with a head canon I've slowly been working with my beloved @milky-things (Love you sweetie!!), just to make this post a little more interesting. Let’s start with what we know. 

DJ is clearly not his real name, it's his stage name. But I will be upfront, there are no hints to his real name that I've found, and honestly calling him DJ is fine enough. 

DJ through logs and recordings of his past, we know to have been a teacher at some point, a college professor.  

DJ also has hairy legs. And he is extremely prideful of himself. 

He also has a great love and affinity for space. 

These seem to be the main points we can ascertain from DJ at least in game. Now we will dive a little into the head canon we have. 

DJ at some point in his childhood had some form of introduction to space that led him to make it his life’s passion. Somewhere around his 20’s he would still be loving space, but was extremely uncertain about his life, especially in what direction to take it. That is when he had a chance encounter with a little robot boy, named Aquos (Who would “Grow” up to be the blue robot in the group 1010.) He met this boy at a space museum, the boy saw how knowledgeable he was over space,  and it fascinated the boy's natural curiosity. The boy’s family, a father and a few brothers would then come over… this is where DJ met Neon (Post Deployment, and with family.) and the two hit it off as great friends… or perhaps even more? 

DJ would become a family friend of Neon and the boys, being there for much of their early childhood. He found himself spending a great deal of time with Neon himself, and the two slowly without realizing it developed feelings for one another. Neon at this point was married to Karen, his robotic wife (Who was heartless), and DJ was officially dating another woman, whom we’ll name Susan. 

One day DJ would realize his love for neon, and confess to him… But not yet.

It was at this point, after his encounter at educating young Aquos, that DJ realized his love for space and education. He’d go back to college, and become an astronomy teacher, where he began educating classes over his deep love of space, he considered music the great medium, traveling out into the reaches of space to one day contact other worlds… 

Trouble begins. 

DJ, still very much in the closet and not ready to accept his true feelings for Neon… Proposes to Susan. Doubling down on his fear of coming out, he cuts contact with Neon and the children… Snow (White) would take this moment to resent DJ, as he saw the distress it caused his father Neon, to see someone he loved suddenly go. Aquos would be the most torn up though, as he looked up to DJ… his love for space, his knowledge, his curiosity he all learned it from DJ, the two were almost inseparable. Aquos would wait by the door, hoping for DJ’s return for years after the fact, until one day Snow simply gave him a look, and Aquos understood… Space Dad would not return… 

DJ would repress his feelings, over everything, especially the ones he had for Neon and his family. A few years after, having a few years of teaching under his belt, he discovered his love for music as well as space, and thought to combine the both of them. He quit his job, and became a DJ. 

Susan was incredibly unhappy, thinking him to be extremely irresponsible to pursue his life's passion in such an unstable field like music. 

Their divorce was messy and painful… 

DJ would actually find great luck in music, as he would sign on with NSR and become one of the district leaders. 

DJ watched, alone, in his big house… Watching the television every night for a certain program… “Snow Show!” 

The snow show is 1010’s earliest romp into the music field, they were child stars, in a very minor way. The show consisted of all five of the boys, very young ranging from eight years old to just four. The main star of the show was Snow! (White). Each boy had his own act on stage. Snow and Neon would headline the act with their tap dancing routine, then followed up by Aquos (Blue) playing on various instruments such as the guitar, piano, violin, playing very classical pieces. Then Stello (Yellow) would come on stage, sitting in his father’s lap and pretending to be a “Dummy” or a puppet, as the setup for various jokes, Stello was very into his humor. Then Sol (Red) would come up with an athletic act, sometimes ribbon dancing, ballet, he was an active child. Finally they would bring out the baby, the youngest one, Neo (Green), and all five boys would come together and sing show tunes for the audience. That was the snow show, during the boys childhood years, and would be their introduction to the NSR, and eventually become the group known as 1010. 

This was the show DJ tuned into every night, sitting alone in his depression, in his loneliness… He watched the family he could of had go on without him, trapped behind a television screen… too scared to back… too prideful to admit his mistakes… Every Night he sat on his couch, dodo pops in hand as through tears he’d cheer on each one of the boys in their performances… Shedding the most tears whenever he saw Snow and Aquos… As he knew the impact he had on those boys… Aquos always prefacing his performances with “This goes out to someone… who had a big impact on me growing up… but he’s… not around anymore… I hope he’s listening… this is for you…” 

Dj was listening… every performance he caught on the television. And even as his fame as an artist grew, the attention he got, deep down he was hurting. Hurting because he rejected the man he loved out of fear of accepting himself… Hurting out of what he did to the poor boys he once treated like sons… Hurting… hurting… hurting… every night… it turned him into the cold man he would become, dismissing everyone else as insects… and every day he went out on the stage putting on a prideful smile behind his helmet… even though it was empty… 

One day he was especially grumpy, Tatiana had tasked him with being in charge of a new Satellite, and at first things were not going that well… Chewing out his subordinates, right before his big concert… 

He thought to himself… “What else could go wrong today?” 

Now that’s the backstory I've got in my head, one I've written with my beloved. Painting DJ as a tragic man, too prideful to admit to his own feelings of love for another man, and how his pride and fears damaged his relationship with children that saw him as a second father figure… Going into a loveless marriage that ended in a messy divorce, and even as his fame rose and rose, he fell deeper and deeper into depression… But the story does not end there, that is merely the setup, for what will be his redemption and reconciliation… 

Because it was only after his humiliation at the hands of BBJ, could he realize what regrets he had… And how he fixes them… 

But that will come in a part two, as for now, this has been a mix of facts, but mostly head canon, for the brilliant man that is DJ Subatomic Supernova. Not a lot to go off of, certainly not like Neon… but I think I find comfort in his simplicity, and tried to add a lemony twist to it, without turning him into some deeply tragic character, but just a man with flaws, I think everyone can relate to that… And if you wish to find out what happens in this story after BBJ,  I will post that soon. For now, stay safe soldiers, and have a lovely day!!

[whitherliliesbloom]

✿ stories you want to write

Tagged by: @earthlystar, @fistsoflightning, @stars-bleed-hearts-shine​, @windup-dragoon​ THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Tagging: idk, whoever wants to do this lmao. just say I tagged you!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a bundle of unfulfilled ideas / headcanons. I have a lot of stories / AU ideas I want to write.. but either don’t have the time or energy to write them... Or you know, I’m just plain lazy.

I’m also kind of leaning more towards Genshin Impact now than FFXIV oops

1) More time travel AU

I KNOW!! I’m the only one who cares about this au okay but 

TIME TRAVEL STORIES ARE ALWAYS SOME OF MY FAVORITE STORIES??? ADDING TO THAT ANYTHING INVOLVING LIKE.. META COMMENTARY AND POSSIBLE 4TH WALL BREAKING??? STEINS;GATE??? MADOKA MAGICA??? CHARLOTTE??? UNDERTALE??? The ability to stop time and rewind time is just such a COOL ASS concept to me?? I won’t shut up about wanting time mage in ffxiv just so I can OFFICIALLY make her a canon overpowered time and space manipulator. Maybe then, time travel au won’t just be an au anymore.

On top of that I just really like Cronus. The idea of an Illya who is so damaged and broken she becomes an entirely different person. I just don’t really have a set plot planned for this au or have any idea on how to resolve the conflict between Cronus, present timeline Illya and Alphinaud... or if I even wanna give Cronus a happy ending iafnioafas. But whenever there’s an opportunity to talk about time travel au, you bet your gil I will.

2) More Nier Automata AU

I kinda lost steam for this AU really really quickly for some reason but.. I had pretty ambitious plans for the plot of this which I really hope I’ll find the inspiration to write out some day.. because I really don’t like just.. reducing my ideas to simple bullet point headcanons. 

Some brief idea of what I had in mind though:

 bad ending depending on illya’s actions at one of the climatic scenes

different ‘good’ endings depending on her last dialogue choice which would lead to her ending up with different love interests. 

love triangle, of course

side plot for alisaie and ryne involving an escort mission

really really meta writing about the meaning of an android’s life and who 2C feels like she really is

scene of 2C regaining memories of alphinaud’s death and losing her shit

Like I said. I’m a bundle of lots of ideas that are almost always unfulfilled. I still really like this au though and I don’t want it to go to waste...

3) More Modern AU

Oops another AU. At least this one isn’t depressing or something that might give you an existential crisis. I have A LOT of headcanons for modern au ffxiv characters... not to mention different versions of the modern au concept. There’s Youtuber Illya AU, there’s highschool AU, there’s that AU where Illya works at a coffee shop and Alphinaud is a university student. 

I just love how laid back and Slice of Life-y modern au can be and I just... really love the idea of Illya living a normal happy life that doesn’t involve her having to kill gods every other day as much as i do love to torture her, yes. 

Some ideas for modern au fics i had:

Highschool AU Ryne asking her friends to cosplay sailor moon characters for a cosplay convention. Laurelis as Sailor Moon and Haurchefant as Tuxedo Mask. Ryne herself as Sailor Venus. Gaia as Sailor Mars. Illya as Sailor Saturn. 

Youtuber Illya attempting to vlog outside her home for the first time while she’s on a date with Alphinaud because her viewers requested it so much. Just pure fluff and the dorks being dorks. 

Highschool AU Illya working on a set of mini terrarium jewelry to sell at the school fair to raise money. The jocks at the school sort of laugh and lowkey bully her for the idea but she ends up making a ton of money.

SOL comedy AU where alisaie and alphinaud both have a crush on Illya sort of compete for her attention. She’s completely oblivious to all of it. 

Cafe AU where Illya has raised enough money (and with Alphinaud’s generous donation) to send in an entry to university. Alphinaud helps her study for the entrance exam. 

More double dates? :eyes:

4) To Aru Majutsu no Index AU

LOOK SOMETHING I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT ON MY BLOG BEFORE. I just really like the premise / setting of this anime. ARE YALL READY FOR WORD VOMIT???

Academy city, a city that houses many schools, and research intuitions devoted to the study and advancement of science. Espers are individuals who use scientifically based supernatural powers, all of whom gained and trained their powers artificially under the system of Academy city. However, there is another underground side to the city - a small organization of people with supernatural abilities that cannot be explained by science. They are called magicians - and due to the rarity of magic, and how Academy city is so repulsed by the idea of abilities that defy the laws of conventional science and their understanding, some people even believe that magic is simply a myth or urban legend. 

While espers typically specialize in only one or two types of ability, magicians are often able to wield a variety of different abilities that take time to train and nurture, making them so frightening to the science side of academy. Some magicians even end up dabbling in the occult or black magic.

Alphinaud, a level 4 esper with the ability to physically see energy waves emitted by other espers. Couple that with his high intelligence, he is able to analyze the movements and abilities of other espers and even pin point the weak points of their abilities. His twin sister Alisaie is also a level 4 esper who is able to teleport herself and one other person she touches a certain distance in a radius around her current location. 

Alphinaud comes across Illya on his home from his training program one day, beaten and exhausted on the side of the road. He wants to call the hospital, but she begs him not to, saying she’s afraid that ‘they’ will find her. He takes her back to his home and nurses her wounds. Not seeing any energy waves being emitted from her, he assumes that she is simply an ordinary citizen. He asks her where her home is and how she ended up injured on the side of the road, but she refuses to tell him.

One day, a fight breaks out on the streets near his home, where a level 5 esper has gone rogue and is attacking innocent bystanders. He asks Illya to stay behind while he and Alisaie takes care of the situation. They are outmatched however, and Illya, watching the situation from the balcony of his home finally decides to step in. She easily incapacitates the esper using a variety of magical abilities the twins have never seen before, draining the man of his energy before returning to heal Alphinaud and Alisaie. 

They question Illya later, and she finally confesses to being a magician who is on the run from an organization who had been keeping her captive for the past few years. She has the ability of perfect memory - being able to memorize spells from any grimoire she reads and utilize the powers for herself, though often at some debilitating cost. The more powerful the spell, the more dire and painful the side effects.  She has been forced to read a total of more than 500 grimoires by now, and only managed to narrowly escape thanks to a mysterious man who took pity on her. 

Due to the side effects of her ability, and also having done nothing but be chained up and forced to read grimoires for the past few years, Illya is physically frail and cannot fend for herself beyond using magical abilities, which she is often hesitant to do.

5) Pokemon AU...carmela im looking

Waiting for @windupnamazu​ to provide more details on her pokemon au buttttt i’ve already been working on illya’s sort of backstory, her pokemon team, alphinaud’s pokemon team and other headcanons regarding this au. Also.. working with an artist regarding illya’s design for this au, which i’m very excited to be able to share =3c Not the time yet tho

I actually talked about a pokemon au with Jam as early as June of last year. I made a pokemon team for illya aaaaaand only half of her original team I had for her over a year ago is still in her current team oops. It’s okay, the retconned ones can stay at home and relax with Lachlan. 

6) More amaurotine stuff

Oh finally something relating to canon. I’ve been thinking about Chloris x Apollo from time to time and honestly I.. really love their dynamic.. despite how sad and lowkey awful Apollo can be towards her. But I think that’s part of the charm of what makes alphinaud and illya’s relationship later so sweet, being able to acknowledge that they had their flaws and learn from them ;w;

I had an idea for Chloris inventing a type of flower with the unintentional suggestion of Apollo, and it later makes an appearance where Alphinaud discovers the flower and asks Illya about it. 

7) The twins... no, not the Leveilleur twins

I think everyone’s talked about their lovechildren more than I have and I’ve already kind of explained why I haven’t made any screens or talked about them at length but.. I really do love them so much ;;;; I wanna find the opportunity to write a fic of them maybe spending a day inside with their army of carbuncles... Also @ancientechos​‘ OC Esme (son of haurche and laurelis) developing a crush on one of them =3c 

Also another idea I had involving them is being taken to the site of some of Illya and Alphinaud’s adventures...

8) Butler AU...hey, anyone remember this? 

Remember when I did several comics back to back and was super motivated for this AU? I do. I miss being motivated and inspired and not like.. wrecked with depression. I have plot points... ALSO INTERACTIONS WITH OTHER OCs WHO JOINED THIS AU???? Maybe one day I’ll find the drive again. At least I was able to finish one plot arc!! Which is more than I can say for most of my other AUs. Someone get me back in the shoujo manga mood!!! please!!

9) Idol AU 

Hey idol AU anon where are you.... WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU STILL HAVEN’T TOLD ME YOUR EXTRA HEADCANONS PLEASE COME BACK

10) More Alphinaud and his interactions with DRK Illya

I’ve already written a good number of fics about this, but I still... wanna do more... Acceptance, unconditional love, Illya learning that he won’t leave her despite all her insecurities and flaws... ILLYA FINALLY LEARNING TO IDK ACCEPT HERSELF. HELP.

I just really like DRK Illya okay, and you can pry the symbolism of her duality with her dark side from my cold dead hands. 

[gizkasparadise]

wow trying to edit that post was a nightmare. sorry yall. 

anonymous asked how bad “goodbye my princess” was. 

vague badness: enemy lovers that actually have consequences, betrayal/lying, jealousy, murder, suicide, dead family members dead family members everywhere, depression, the male love interest going a lil Unhinged, main character deaths (plural)

detailed spoilers (and legit, SPOILERS) under the cut

so you have to embrace that the male lead/chengyin is an absolute piece of shit. like he’s terrible. and he’s compelling. but he makes so many bad choices in pursuit of power / the throne of the li empire. so so many. now, he loves xiaofeng and it’s legit, but that ultimately brings more pain to her than if he didn’t.

Fucked Up Shit Chengyin Does: A Love (?) Story

-within the first 10 episodes, he + his soldiers have almost completely wiped out xiaofeng’s family + the danchi as a whole. her cousins die. her friends die. tangentially, her mother dies and her father goes insane. chengyin even beheads her beloved grandfather in front of her (he didn’t know she was there. but lmao. still.)

-did i mention that was on their wedding day? it was on their wedding day. said grandfather even gave her away. he went ahead with marrying xiaofeng even though he had no intention of abandoning his mission and thought idk love would fix it? chengyin what what what are you doing

-it’s unclear whether or not chengyin was going to tell her he was the double agent/the reason the li empire was able to wipe out the danchi, but there’s this like Significant pause between when xiaofeng wakes up from traumatically fainting after the danchi are defeated to her recognizing the li empire armor in his quarters where he doesn’t say anything and it is Sketch. definitely the implication that if he could he would hide his role in the defeat of the danchi from her and just Carry On as a Happily Married Couple

-she’s rightfully horrified by him when she makes the connection between him and the armor in his tent and tries to stab him, so he stabs himself harder which isnt awful but just fucked up like this is not a good relationship

-when gu jian (xiaofeng’s teacher/first love) comes to take her out of the li military camp, chengyin stops him and demands that he lets xiaofeng go because, quote, “They’re not over yet.” bro you just massacred damn near her entire family i think that’s a dealbreaker (to his credit he does let her leave but lmao it’s v clear he didn’t want to)

-there’s a semi-time skip and Plot Related Amnesia, so he and xiaofeng don’t remember their traumatic history, and both end up in the li empire b/c of xiaofeng’s marriage contract to one of their princes. one would think without the danchi backstory maybe they could have a better time. they don’t.

-chengyin falls for xiaofeng again, but he knows the politics of court are Fucked Up and if he shows he cares about her they’ll target her. so he makes a girl who’s been in love with him since childhood (se se) his concubine and fake!dotes on her to have all the political schemes fall on her instead of xiaofeng. basically, he exploits the poor girl’s feelings to make her a meat shield. i think he calls her expendable at one point. on the flip side of things, he treats xiaofeng like absolute shit sometimes in order to protect her. which works, but gd what an asshole

-although their memories are gone, chengyin knows basic things about the events in western liang that others in the palace have told him: that he defeated the danchi and killed xiaofeng’s grandfather are among them. he doesn’t tell xiaofeng this, even when they’re officially engaged. she finds out on her own right before the wedding and confronts him. he’s essentially like Look I Didn’t Want You To Know and when that doesn’t do well he’s like Think of The Country and also I Love You and gets general pei to later take her to the memorial he built for her grandfather, complete with his armor set. which is kind of sweet but also kind of imperialist museum? and also he was the one that killed him??

-super jealous. when there’s rumors that general pei and xiaofeng are having an affair (they’re not), he maneuvers to publicly strong-arm pei into a marriage with his sister (aka an imperial princess aka a marriage he can’t turn down). it turned out alright, but the Motives were definitely not alright--emphasized by the stone cold stare down he gives xiaofeng after the announcement (she’s oblivious to it, because she’s not in love with pei, but chengyin doesn’t know that). part of it is a political maneuver, but it’s also p clear that it’s personal

-a doozy. so gu jian, chengyin’s cousin and accomplice in the Take Down the Danchi Fuckery, is in love with xiaofeng. he was also xiaofeng’s first love, but she doesn’t remember him because #amnesia.  throughout the second half of the show, gu jian’s been working as sort of a guardian for xiaofeng as she lives in the palace and trying to make amends for his part in the danchi massacre/trying to assuage his guilty conscience. at one point, he decides enough’s enough and he kidnaps xiaofeng in order to get her free from the palace. during this time, chengyin’s absolutely losing his shit because his beloved wife is gone and he knows gu jian’s the one that took her / has his suspicions about gu jian’s feelings for her.

while gu jian and xiaofeng are on the run, xiaofeng starts to get bits and pieces of her memory back--all of them surround a man named “xiaowu” aka chengyin’s alter-ego when they were together in west liang. because he’s a shit, gu jian says he’s xiaowu, and as a result xiaofeng believes he’s the one she used to be in love with. Complicated. even more complicated when, fleeing chengyin and palace soldiers, xiaofeng hits her head and COMPLETELY remembers everything.

needless to say, she doesn’t want to be around chengyin anymore. it’s super sad and fucked up, because while xiaofeng remembers everything, chengyin doesn’t. so here’s what chengyin knows:

-his wife was open and warm and they were in love even if he couldn’t always show it because #Intrigue

-wife gets kidnapped by his cousin, who he suspects is in love with her

-wife comes back from kidnapping, hating him and saying the only person she ever cared for was xiaowu -- which is NOT HIM

-his cousin claimed to be xiaowu

when gu jian tries to rescue xiaofeng again, he’s surrounded by palace guards and chengyin goes totally unhinged. he forces xiaofeng to watch as he orders his men to shoot the shit out of gu jian. she tries to look away but he won’t let her. he doesnt even care that a’du, xiaofeng’s best friend and the only one she really has left, is at risk of being shot as well. gu jian dies, and while xiaofeng knows he’s not xiaowu she remembers that they grew up together/at one point he was her beloved teacher and she’s devastated. she tries to starve herself but chengyin threatens to take a’du away forever if she does. it’s fucked up.

-xiaofeng tries to escape multiple times, and he won’t let her/re-captures her. it’s just. sad. really sad, esp since she can’t forgive him for what he did to her family

-after all this shit, west liang decides to rebel and chengyin decides to crush them. because killing one side of xiaofeng’s family tree wasn’t enough, apparently

-xiaofeng rides out to the middle of the battlefield--on one side is west liang, under control of her brother. on the other is li empire, under control of her husband. she threatens to kill herself unless chengyin meets two of her conditions: 1) that he’ll leave west liang the fuck alone for as long as he lives--chengyin agrees, and it’s clear he would say yes to anything she asks because he is freaking out. he even says that if she dies he’ll kill himself, too. which leads to wish 2) he has to live well

which feels like a mixture of selfless love and a little bit of a fuck you? she knows that making him survive after she dies is probably going to be what hurts him the most, but he swore to it. then she slits her own throat while he watches, and he runs by her side and is trying to keep her alive (which is fruitless). and then he’s shoved away from her by her brother, who takes her corpse back to west liang. chengyin grows old, and it’s clear the only thing he’s got is his empire and it’s a lonely fucking life. at some point, he abdicates to his nephew (implying he never had his own family) and goes back into the desert to “find xiaofeng” because he’s in denial that she’s dead and the vibe is that he’s definitely going to die alone out there

#fin

characters who die

-danchi: tömür/xiaofeng’s grandfather, he shi (a’du’s brother/xiaofeng’s friend), yi moyan (xiaofeng’s cousin), batu’er, a good freaking chunk

-west liang: consort/princess mingyuang, ashina yun/xiaofeng’s mother, qu wenchang/xiaofeng’s father goes insane

-li empire: zhao sese goes insane, crown prince #1/chengji, crown prince #2/chengye, the empress, the emperor, gao yuming, li yan, gao zhen, gu ruhui, chang’er, chai mu, ming yue

-main: xiaofeng, gu jian, a’du

[nadziejastar]

Would you say that Saix is also maladjusted?

Saïx was definitely maladjusted. Way worse than Axel, lol. And Axel knew he was maladjusted. Because Isa didn’t get a lot of development, a lot of people got the impression that he was always cold and arrogant, even as a human. As if that was just his natural personality.

But from what I could see, that wasn’t true at all. It was the exact opposite. I hate how people don’t differentiate between Isa and Saïx and even in KH3, they were made out to have the same personality. When I first played BBS, I thought Isa was probably similar to Riku in personality. But now, I have a much different view of him.

Riku and Terra have “Earth” personalities. They’re the disciplined, hard-working, serious types. Aqua and Kairi have “Water” personalities. Ventus and Sora have “Air” personalities. Lea obviously has a “Fire” personality.

Isa must have had a “Moon” personality, which is Water-based. From the little bit of personality we can get of Isa from the official sources, he was a typical Cancer. Extremely sensitive, emotional, empathetic, and insecure. He would have been a lot more emotional than Riku. Because of how he was as a human, Axel was VERY forgiving of Saïx’s flaws. He seemed to view Saïx’s personality as being a result of trauma. It was not just his natural personality. Since Isa was naturally oversensitive, Axel was very lenient with him. 

“Yeah. As long as we remember one another, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?”

Roxas grinned.

“Who are you, and what have you done with Axel?”

“Hey! I tried, okay?” All that effort to cheer them up, and they just turned it into a punch line. Chagrined, he looked away.

Cancers are the perfect adults. Roxas and Xion laughed at Axel when he said this because it didn’t sound like him. When Hayner said this, it was about growing up. Isa was probably the one who said it to Lea originally. Isa was emotionally mature for his age, but as a Cancer, his flaws were insecurity, moodiness, and dependence. Axel had Peter Pan syndrome. Saïx had, well…the opposite. And Saïx’s syndrome was a LOT worse than Axel’s.

“So, Saïx, what am I doing to—? Oh, boy. Awfully early for such a bad mood, don’t you think?” 

Saïx had whirled to face him with a rather pronounced scowl. “…Nobodies do not have ‘moods’ to be ruined,” he said at length. 

“Well, sure, technically…” Of course, with no hearts, they couldn’t have moods or fits of temper. If something went frustratingly awry, their faces might reveal shadows of remembered emotion, no more. Still, for a remembered shadow, that was a mean glower on Saïx’s face. “Did I miss something?” Axel wondered. 

“Xion has collapsed again.” 

Now Axel frowned. He sure had missed something. “Did she get hurt or what?” 

“No,” Saïx replied, any hint of expression vanishing from his face. “It’s just that the failure was functioning better than expected until recently.”

Cancers are known for being moody and retreating into their shells.

They need time to themselves if they’re in a bad mood.

Axel seemed like he was very much used to dealing with mood swings. “The Wrong Button” was about Xion’s moodiness, but it sounds a lot like Axel was giving Roxas advice based off of his experience with Isa. Axel thought of Saïx as moody, damaged, and overly sensitive.

“In any case, I don’t intend to speak about the failure.”

“Failure, failure… You don’t have to say it like that, do you?”

“I thought I told you not to get too involved.” Saïx swung his chair, turning his back on Axel. Axel could feel nothing but a will of rejection from that back.

“I’m simply caught up in it. If there’s something, please don’t hide it from me, tell me.” Axel got up off the shelf and put his hand on Saïx’s shoulder from behind, peering into that face.

It’s actually very interesting how Axel always treated him with kid gloves and walked on egg shells not to offend him. Saïx would berate Xion in the nastiest way possible and Axel would chide him ever-so-gently to watch his tone. Axel felt nothing but rejection from him, but he STILL put his hand on his shoulder to ask him what was bothering him. It really spoke volumes about the way he viewed Saïx. He treated him like a kid.

Cancers are calm and serene.

But they are overly sensitive and hold grudges.

Saïx is a pretty sad character when you realize he is not really some huge force of evil—he was just a maladjusted guy with the emotional maturity of an abused child. He was very needy and terrified of abandonment and rejection.

It wouldn’t surprise me if the crab in the above panel was even a reference to Saïx being a Cancer. That’s just my hunch.

“Are you getting enough rest?”

“Rest?” Roxas echoed.

“I mean, are you sleeping properly? Keeping clean, taking care of yourself? Those things are all part of being fully prepared for missions.”

“Um, probably,” said Roxas.

Saïx looked vaguely unsatisfied with this response.

“Being prepared is important and so is knowing your own capabilities.”

Cancers are also very maternal. I’ve said it before, but, Isa was meant to be a very feminine character. A nurturing caretaker type.

“And on top of that, you’re late,” Saïx scolded.

“I haven’t…been sleeping well…”

“You’d better. It’s part of your work,” said Saïx. “You know you need proper rest to carry out missions.”

Axel was very depressed on the vacation when he slept in all day. I think he remembered how Isa used to try and mother him and tell him to get enough rest. Saïx now has a complex where he feels like he has to be hyper competent and independent to distance himself from his past. He doesn’t mother Axel anymore. Axel misses the old Isa. IMO, that’s what we were supposed to learn and realize about Axel/Saïx after seeing their entire backstory.

This is exactly why Axel was so maladjusted. He remembered having a wonderful best friend. That’s what Isa was like when he was well-adjusted. Then, his perfect best friend turned into…Saïx. Axel was extremely traumatized over losing Isa.

I’m sure Isa was very protective of Lea, despite not being a natural fighter. That’s what I think triggered his berserk state in the first place. But the flip side is that Saïx was Super Duper Jealous.

And he became psychotically upset when he thought Axel betrayed him. He was…not very well-adjusted at all. He pushed Axel away because he could not tolerate his emotional neediness towards him. Yet, he became psycho when Axel left him. Axel saw him as a broken person and felt sorry for him. I think this is why he wanted to find Isa as soon as he was recompleted. He was willing to put it all behind him because he genuinely did not think Isa was mentally stable.

And he really wasn’t. If they really wanted to redeem Saïx in KH3 without resorting to the possession angle, they really went about it in the wrong way. None of the crap where Saïx acts totally calm and normal and reveals he was doing it all for some random girl was necessary. They really should have used the insanity plea. Saïx should be forgiven for his actions because he was a miserable person who was not in his right mind.

Saïx really did act like a heartbroken ex when Axel left the organization. I think that’s what he was supposed to be. He acted that way because he REALLY loved Lea when he was human. Isa seemed like he was pretty different from the cool, cocky, competitive, self-assured Riku type. He sounded really sweet and cute, actually. But he was too gay for Square and Disney, I guess…