#and I have hit a point where I block literally everyone who talks about them lol

[lesbiansanemi]

The kny fandom never really irritated me THAT much about anything until their reaction to the stupid Hantengu clones

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/763233647955509248/a-small-reminder-to-all-the-people-passionate

AYS must have hit a soft spot because I have never seen you lose your cool this much. What happened? Did the “husbands” not behave the way you expected them to? Are you lashing out because everyone is commenting about how close Jikook seem and how people around them don’t get their inside jokes? (I just know you are getting ready to talk about them not meeting eo for the 66363875th time) Are you hurt because you expected AYS to show everyone once and for all how taekook is different in a vminkook dynamic but everyone only ended up seeing how Jikook is different and how Tae looks so lost around them? Is that what is eating you up? You always seem so calm but I can tell AYS is getting to you because of how much you keep repeating the same things over and over like a broken record. I’m sorry you are disappointed, I’m sorry that more people have only left with the impression that Jikook are closer after watching AYS, i’m sorry that people think Tae felt out of place. If it will make you feel any better, I didn’t think he felt out of place, I just thought he was more interested in his phone and getting back on the plane to Seoul than sitting there and watching Jimin and Jungkook jump from one inside joke that he didn’t understand to the next.

Don’t worry ok. Doesn’t matter what people think because reality is reality right?😊

Hi again 🙄…

You think that is me losing my cool and lashing out? Seriously, a post where I point out that Jkkrs are once again bending their stories and saying things that are easily proven to be wrong. You can literally go through blogs to confirm this anon. Likewise, you can go through my blog and see that I have constantly been very cool about AYS and enjoyed the show even. I was looking forward to each episode, and I’ll do a rewatch soon. Every thing I have said about the show before it dropped turned out to be true. The only thing that surprised me somewhat, was to actually clearly see how involved staff was and how much the signs of it being content creation were shown.

It is only Jkkrs who say what you say. Jkkrs never hurt me or make me insecure. Jkk isn’t real in the way they think it is so I am unable to let that effect me. What does get to me, is how harmful the things they say are to Jm, Jk, and Tae. They make up the most insane stuff and expect fandom to not respond to that? They continue to push the idea that Tae is an attention seeker and unwanted. They push the idea that Jk is hardly able to exist without Jm’s guidance and minimalise him to a love sick puppy. They continue to victimize Jm every chance they get while they themselves are to blame. That is why Tkkrs talk about these things.. it has nothing to do with us being insecure or hurt.

Now… let’s talk about why you are so obsessed with my blog. You are annoyed by me, and yet you keep coming back. You can’t take me seriously, and yet when I threaten to block you you stay quiet.. because you don’t want to be blocked. You make things about me personally, because I get to you and I make you feel uneasy. Wonder why that is…

[arrowheadedbitch]

Okay, I just spent, like over two hours talking about how a Leanna Firestone song (Tourniquet) is perfect for Shawn and I'll be damned if I don't make a post out of it so here we go, buckle up

Okay first of all, here's the song

Enjoy, it is VERY good

So let's get into this, yeah?

This includes my suicide attempt hc that I mentioned in a previous post in it

I have been listening to this song on loop and it's making me go just a touch feral

"You can get a new car, but you can't forget the way it sounds or feels to crash

High speed impact

Normally the first person I'd call was my dad"

But im imagining that hc/story we were talking about yesterday, so change the words tooooo.....🥁🥁🥁

"You can get a new car, but you can't forget the way it sounds or feels to crash

High speed impact

ALL BECAUSE THE FIRST PERSON I callED was my dad" AUDHDBJEHEJSJDJEJ

But, later on, I realised that the song ACTUALLY says "NO POLICE, the first person I called was my dad" NOT normally, which hits different in this context but doesn't actually change much

And like, him yelling it in front of everyoneeeee

Henry is THERE

They're all like....what do you mean by that...

He will not elaborate but now they know that apparently something bad happened to him because he called his dad?

"Shawn, what are you talking about"

Shawn does the dramatic "I said something I shouldn't have" hand over mouth clasp

He freezes, he stumbles over his words, then he makes a run for it

Everyone is just standing there confused as hell

It's such a not shawn thing to yell out and do tho that even Henry is slightly concerned

Or maybe just confused

Or offended at the implication that he somehow hurt shawn so bad with some random phonecall

And now there are a bunch of people needling him to tell them about wtf he was talking about

Pressuring him to tell them about this traumatic event

ESPECIALLY Gus, who would normally be in the loop about something like this so he's extremely concerned and maybe even a little hurt that Shawn won't tell him

Even Henry, who usually doesn't give a shit about this kind of thing, is trying to get it out of him

He mostly just wants to know what the hell shawn is blaming him for this time lol

But he doesn't get how serious this is

None of them do, that's why they keep trying to get it out of him

They just assume it's another one of those silly things he always has going on, not, yknow....SUICIDE

Not even his mom knows, maybe they'd try to call his mom bc he tells her pretty much everything and find out she ALSO doesn't know

Then they're like....Gus doesn't know......his mom doesn't know.....holy shit maybe this is serious

"Some people die before they're dead!

Building collapse, pressure outweighs the pain

I don't feel sad

I don't feel ANYTHING

Only will when the blood returns

But I'd rather be numb then know how bad I'm hurt"

Someone save my boy

He is emotionally constipated

His mom also might fly down to figure out what's happening after she gets that call

So now literally EVERYONE is bugging him about this

Poor Shawn, there's even a THERAPIST needling him about this traumatic event now 😭😭😭

And everybody wants to know

At this pace he's gonna become a hermit so he doesn't have to tell anyone 😭😭😭😭

"So, I'll keep the tourniquet on

I'll block it out and off

Cuz I don't need anyone

I don't need anyone

I don't need anyone at all

If I keep the tourniquet on"

I think all of this would lead to Shawn blowing up on then, maybe he'd say something that accidentally gives away more of what happened but I don't think he'll be able to bring himself to actually say out loud what happened, at least not to them

Because, well, emotional constipation, anyone?

He wouldn't talk about his feelings at gun point

"Maybe we always start

Back where we end

Don't know if I'm God

Or if I'm sisyphus"

But maybe change to

"I try to act like God

But I'm just sisyphus"

Or something similar

Now, to get into a SECOND POINT ABOUT THE SAME SONG HAHA!

So, this first part has been about Shawn saying the stuff in the song or just really good lines that he would relate to

But this next part is more of an....application for all of this

Imagine with me, if you will

Shawn does a few artsy stuff like....drawing that he doesn't really like to show off a lot, so imagine this,

/Shawn would totally be a good songwriter/

Imagine he wrote a few songs as more of like journal/vent things and he never wants them to see the light of day

This is while him and Jules are together btw

So, Juliet finds out about the songs, he tries to brush them off bc he doesn't like to think about them and he doesn't want her to see them, that kind of thing, but she reads it as insecurity

This is the same woman who went around Lassies back to plan him a birthday party and accidentally invited a bunch of criminals, so, I don't think it's that big a stretch that she would try to do something to make him feel better about his music and go behind his back a little to do it so she can *surprise* him

She grabs the first complete song she can get her hands on, maybe glances through it but makes the mistake of not reading it thoroughly and submits it to a song writing competition, if it loses, Shawn will never know, if it wins, boom! Boost in his self esteem about his songs!

A win-win plan, really

And the song she grabbed was the Shawn version of Tourniquet we've been talking about, obviously

Yeah, it's *her* turn to do something for *him* with good intentions that ends up being awful, she's not gonna be in the doghouse for this one...she's going straight to the pound

The prize for winning the contest? Well, a celebrity sings it of course!

And...well Juliet may have overlooked that it's sung.....on live television...

All classic song writing prizes, maybe you can win a record deal and a bunch of money too or whatever

Not that Shawn would care about any of that

Anyways, her and Shawn go to the place where they're announcing the winners, you know? Big party. Shawn doesn't know what it's about but he's having fun, probably solving a case here too!

But then he wins....

It's the big finale, announce the winner and sing the song on stage and on camera

"And, this song will be our grand finale! The winning song of the song writing contest will be revealed and sung!" So the singer gets on stage and Shawn is all smiles until he hears "And this song is...🥁🥁🥁 Tourniquet by Shawn Spencer!"

And Shawn is going through all the stages of grief, he turns to Jules all "What the fuck did you do" (Perhaps first time she hears him legit cuss??) [Ty Luka]

And suddenly Juliet realises that she should have read the lyrics a bit closer before submitting it

It's the first time she's seen him ANGRY because he is about to get angry

They get in an argument, Shawn storms off, she feels bad

But, the song was on LIVE TELEVISION

Everyone saw it! Everyone HEARD them attribute it to him!

And they don't know he wasn't in on it! They have no reason to believe he's upset about winning!

So, when he shows up at the station, everyone is trying to talk to him about it!

It's AWFUL

Gus is asking about it, but he stopped pretty quick when he noticed how pissed Shawn seemed about it

Henry's been calling him

He's been not answering, obviously

Juliet tries to talk it out with shawn but he's not having it right now, "Shawn, I-"

"You, shut up, you are in the /pound/!"

"*gasp* the pound?"🥺😢

"THE POUND"

And Lassie was gonna give him a hard time and ask questions but he saw that interaction and realised that he shouldn't touch this with a five foot fucking pole

The precinct feels oddly tense today because well....no one's ever seen SHAWN SPENCER so ANGRY

Or really angry at all

He really powers through solving this case and is actually pretty scary the whole time and he won't talk to Jules, they are not in speaking terms right now

Anything that he would normally go to Jules about, he goes to Carlton and acts like she's not even there while he gets Lassiter to do whatever it is he needs

No fun nicknames either, but what really hits? When he HAS to address jules.....he calls her Detective O'hara

So she REALLY knows she's in trouble

Obviously she's gonna do anything she can to make it better, we know Jules

So she asks around for advice on what she should do

Talks to anyone who will listen really, Lassie, Gus, she even goes to Henry

[Side note, I've been imagining she heard the song, like it was playing all throughout so they could hear it a little muffled from the spot they were arguing at, but she probably missed a good chunk because of the arguing and talking, though her not having heard it would be a really interesting turn to take! She doesn't know what was wrong with the song, only the aftermath, that could be interesting]

Anyway, she gets mostly the same advice, let Shawn cool down and then work it out

But, since she talked to Henry, he now knows that not only did Shawn not submit that song, he's pissed that it played at all

Which will affect the way he treats Shawn when they inevitably talk later

Instead of thinking Shawn did this to get back at him, he knows these were private thoughts that were shared against his will, so he'll be a little less defensive and accusatory

Gus doesn't know what exactly the song was about, but he gets to be the most in the know since he's the only person Shawn is really actually talking to right now

A lot of ranting to Gus about this, of course

Lassie has the least know of the situation because an angry shawn is a startlingly untalkative shawn

Shawn takes a week or two to stop being so completely pissed

He talks to Henry at some point, they probably have a moment or something, but he won't tell anyone what the song was meant to be about

Eventually he calms down enough to let Jules talk to him again and she gets to apologize profusely and work her way off the shit list

And now everyone knows about the depth to shawns character that he didn't want them to know about so he'll just have to slowly chip away at that by going back to being the town idiot as usual

Maybe he agrees to sell his songs as long as his name doesn't go on any of them, I dunno

Everything goes back to normal...eventually, but it takes...a while

So shawn ends it just as emotionally constipated as before but now everyone KNOWS he's emotionally constipated

Everyone gets to go "holy shit, this kid actually has emotional depth?!?!??"

And Henry gets to sit and wonder what he did to Shawn that was a "crash", what phone call? What did he do?

And Yeah, most of them forget probably

But also, there's that inkling of.......is he really okay?

Always in the back of his friends minds

Because

They /heard/ the song

Juliet goes over board trying to make up for it in a way that's so endearing shawn can't help but smile

And forgive her, but only after the third pineapple/hj

Gus is a little concerned but he knows Shawn doesn't want to talk about it so he let's it go

Lassie tries not to pry but he's still feeling kind of awkward about it (what is he supposed to do in this situation? Anything? Should he even care? Should be be on O'Hara's side because they're friends? Shawn's side because he was the one wronged? Anyone's side at all? Should he say something? Welp, he just won't do anything, maybe)

Buzz has no idea what's going on but did try to comfort Shawn a few times and it was sweet

Buzz never knows what's going on with the main four but we love him anyway

Henry has the song on loop trying to figure out what he did and if there's something he should do or say about it

And someone should definitely get Shawn a therapist but they don't

And the whole song is soooooo about his dad

So about his dad it hurts

Tho Gus is a little offended at the "I don't need anyone" part and he makes sure his thoughts on that are known

"I spend every night

With the TV on

I can't bear to be

Alone with my own thoughts"

And now you guys won't be able to stop thinking about this either, MUAHAHAHAHA

To the people who talked to me on discord, thank you!

@mores0 @storm-cloud-lightning

And also @j-snapdragon who joined right at the end

[crescentmoonsandroses]

Deltarune's themes of escapism and why they hit me hard

I was going to do some Deltarune art based around this and then just have the definition of escapism under it, but I can't think of what to draw, so I'm just going to ramble about it instead.

Deltarune, as I'm sure many many other people have pointed out before, has strong themes of escapism in addition to its themes of control, freedom, the narrative, etc. The Dark Worlds transform objects into people, rooms into environments, high school students into heroes. They seem to bring to life the sorts of games you played as a kid, with your toys and your friends, making up a story that played out in your mind, enhanced by your imagination. It's theatre of the mind, helped along by the toys and props and whatnot - like when you're playing D&D, too. This sort of thing is mainly in Chapter One, with the game pieces and cards and toys. I remember playing make-believe with practically everything as a kid - I made up stories with chess pieces a few times, that was fun. Castle Town and Card Kingdom are both reminiscent of a very traditional form of escapism: fantasy.

The Cyber World is a little different, but it still holds the same sort of idea - hell, we're all here on Tumblr, we know what it's like to bury ourselves in the internet, in videos and memes and posts, and forget the world for a little while. This is emphasised by Queen's commentary - I can't find the exact quote, but it's something about being worried that the Lightners will become depressed without the 'bliss' of the internet, which isn't currently working in Hometown. We also know that Chapter 3 will take place in Toriel's lounge room and seems to be specifically based around the TV (and, this is off topic, but I literally just realised Mike could be, like, mic, as in microphone, and Tenna could be short for antenna), which can also be a form of escapism for people. I know that my mum, for one, watches TV most nights.

There's also the specific characters who fall into the Dark Worlds - Kris, Susie, Noelle, Berdly.

Kris seems to be considered weird by most of Hometown, where they are the only human and don't seem to have many - or, well, any - real friends apart from their brother, who was the town's golden boy, who everyone keeps talking about and seems to hold in high regard, whose side of the bedroom holds trophies and pictures and colour while Kris' is bare and grey (they also have Susie now, but she only became their friend during the first Dark World). In the Dark World, however, Kris gets to be a hero, sword and shield raised, saving the world with their friends. Everyone in Castle Town loves them. The room Ralsei built for them has trophies aplenty. And then there's the matter of Ralsei, who looks so much like Toriel and Asgore and Asriel, who is so nice and so supportive of Kris, who has pink horns like maybe a certain red headband faded (yes I headcanon that Ralsei is Kris' old horn headband and will continue to do so until proven wrong).

Susie, who drinks milk from back alleys and threatens to eat people's faces, who didn't actually call home when she had a sleepover with Kris, who gets uncomfortable around the block of flats in Hometown, who doesn't seem to know how to react when shown kindness or friendship, who considers herself the 'bad guy'. Well, she gets to be that bad guy, strong and powerful and scary, with a big axe and sharp teeth and enemies to defeat. And then she gets to have friends, she gets to have food, she gets to be the hero and maybe that's not so bad after all if she does it alongside people she cares about, people who care about her. We can see how much happier she is in the Dark Worlds.

Berdly, who tries so hard to be perceived as smart, who loves videogames. I don't have as much to say about him, honestly, but his Dark World design is quite distinctively Cyber World when compared to the other Lightner's more fantasy-inspired designs, and being in the Dark World gives him the chance to be a hero, even if he's not great at that for most of Chapter 2.

And Noelle. Noelle, whose sister seems to be missing or dead, whose dad is in hospital, whose mum is the town's mayor and works a lot and has an icy personality. Noelle who searches for bugs and secrets in the games she seems to love. Noelle who wishes she had magic to heal her dad. Noelle who seems to feel powerless to help someone she loves, who doesn't stand up to Berdly or her mum. Once she's in the Dark World, she can heal people. She stands up to Queen, who is a sort of mother figure. She gets to spend time with Susie. She gets to see the city lights that Dess promised her.

All this to say that Deltarune in general and the Dark Worlds specifically have some not-so-subtle themes of escapism.

Now, the 'why it hits me hard' bit. Escapism has always been one of my main coping strategies, and even beyond that, I love fantasy, I love stories, I love burying myself in another world. It's much easier to be in a world where there's magic and quests and maybe there's struggles and strife and people still get hurt and mess up and go through bad things, but eventually there's a happy ending because that's how stories work, they don't have the constant uncertainty of real life. And, you know, if I could go to a Dark World, I would. I can understand why Susie likes the Dark Worlds so much, why Noelle and Berdly wanted to make another. Escapism is something that I can understand, especially after having struggled with my mental health for a few years (I'm a lot better now though). The world can be messy and complicated and hard, and wouldn't it be nice to be in a different world for a bit, one where you can be who you want to be and you don't feel lost anymore?

So, uh... yeah lol.

[bloodibambiidoll]

Prompt for @oneforthemunny summer game!! I saw that the one you wrote was also Dom!Eddie x brat! Reader with this same prompt but I’ve been working on it for hours so I hope it’s okay that it’s the same prompt, I promise the story itself is different!!

☀️- eddie comes home to see you sunbathing...topless ;) can be dom!sub! if you'd like, or sweet smutty goodness. whatever you'd like it to be! have fun with it!

Contains:18+ minors DNI, dom/sub dynamics, nipple play/slapping, light choking, unprotected sex (lmk if I missed any!)

Steve’s parents were gone for the entire summer so he gave the whole gang free range use of his pool so no one had to deal with the chaos that is Hawkins community pool. He gave everyone the code to the back gate so they could get in when he wasn’t home and he gave the actual adults the garage code in case they needed anything inside.

Since it was your day off and everyone else was working you decided you’d go over to Steve’s house and have some much needed alone time by the pool. You left Eddie a note on the kitchen counter telling him where you would be and headed over to Steve’s.

You were laid out on one of the pool chairs with an ice cold vodka lemonade, in nothing but your bikini bottoms. The weather was perfect, not too hot, not too cool with a nice summer breeze so you decided to ditch your top and let the sun hit your bare chest.

You had your headphones on, walkman playing one of your favorite albums while you closed your eyes and soaked up the sun so you didn’t hear the footsteps approaching or the sound of the glass sliding back door.

Suddenly the sun went behind the clouds and you huffed, pushing your sunglasses up and opening your eyes. But instead of being met with the sight of the sky it’s your boyfriend standing over you, looking extremely annoyed. “Oh! Holy shit Eddie, you fucking scared me!” You said ripping your headphones off He huffed, clearly annoyed “Yeah imagine if it wasn’t me, huh? You’re out here with your TITS OUT, headphones so loud I could hear them from by the door and apparently with your eyes closed?? Literally anyone could’ve walked up and seen you like this.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes “okay? Well you aren’t anybody, are you? You’re the one who found me so it looks like it worked out. Now if you’ll excuse me, you’re blocking my sun. Why are you here so early anyways? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Wow. Happy to see you too, baby. I got off early, we weren’t busy so my boss said I could go enjoy the nice weather. Which I WANTED to spend with my best girl but apparently the feeling isn’t mutual”

“Oh my god, you know it’s not like that. I was just surprised to see you is all, and I kinda thought I’d have a few hours to myself before anyone else showed up.”

You sat up, your tits bouncing as you did, Eddie couldn’t resist gawking for a moment. You really did look gorgeous laid out in the sun, your tits on display skin glistening from the sunscreen you had applied to your body. But after a second he was snapped from his trance, jealousy and possessiveness creeping up on him. Any one of his friends could have showed up instead of him and seen you how only HE was supposed to see you. “Okay well what if someone else showed up? One of the kids? The boys would’ve been embarrassed for life. Or even worse STEVE, you’re mine and you know it. So why are you flaunting what is mine?”

At this point you were annoyed with him, Steve left right when you got there to give the boys a ride to the arcade on his way to work so you were positive that wasn’t going to happen. “Eddie, you’re being ridiculous. Even if that did happen it wouldn’t be the end of the world, they're just boobs! Plus I knew for a fact it wasn’t going to happen so why are we even still talking about it? Just let it go already, you’re ruining my good mood.” You knew you were going to rile him up with your attitude, and you’d be lying if you said it hadn’t crossed your mind the minute you took your top off. You knew if he found out you here topless in Harrington’s backyard that he would lose his shit so maybe you wanted to poke the bear a little if you got the chance.

He was starting to lose patience with you and you could tell, he let out a deep breath through his nose before he grabbed your jaw with his large hand and squeezed your cheeks “that’s not the fucking point and you know it. You didn’t expect me to be here and I am so how would you know for sure no one else was going to show up? You didn’t and you did it anyway.” Your stomach flipped at the tone of his voice and you had to clench your thighs together to relieve the pressure building in your core. You tried to hold in the whimper but the slightest sound escaped and you knew he heard it when a cocky smirk spread across his lips “look at you, this is what you fucking wanted isn’t it? Huh? You hoped I’d find you like this?”

When you didn’t answer his hand gripping your face moved to your neck and squeezed once as a warning “I asked you a question baby doll. “

“N-no, I just wanted to feel the sun on my skin. It felt so nice I wasn’t trying to do anything.” You looked up at him with big round eyes but he saw right through you, he knew all your little games.

“Here’s what’s going to happen, you’re going to go inside and go in the guest room and wait for me. I’m going to smoke a cigarette and take as long as I need before I come meet you up there. You know how I want you, go.” He gave your neck one last squeeze and gave you a hard smack on your ass when you walked by him causing you to yelp. You went to the guest room and took off your swimsuit bottoms leaving you completely bare as you kneeled at the edge of the bed with your hands in your lap while you waited for Eddie.

It wasn’t long before you started getting squirmy, you really hadn’t meant to rile him up like this but you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t turning you the fuck on so you decided to play into it. After what felt like hours you finally heard footsteps coming up the stairs. He walked through the door looking so sexy, you didn’t really get to appreciate what he was wearing before but holy fuck. He was wearing that Iron Maiden shirt you loved that he cut the sleeves off of exposing almost his entire rib cage, showing off his tattoos that were usually hidden. The shirt stopped just above his belt and his ripped jeans were sagging slightly so when he raised his arms over his head it exposed that delicious sliver of midriff to you.

Subconsciously you squeezed your hands between your thighs and wiggled a little in your spot. “I thought you were capable of being a good girl when I first walked in here but I see you squeezing those hands between your thighs and I didn’t give you permission to relieve yourself did I?” You whimpered at the sound of his voice but didn’t say anything, just continued squeezing your thighs and looking at him with glassy eyes already feeling yourself slip into that hazy headspace and he hadn’t even touched you yet.

He walked over to you, ripping your hands from in between your thighs and holding them above your head with one of his. Using his other hand to smack your inner thighs until you opened them. “I” smack. “Asked” smack. “You.” Smack. “A fucking” smack smack. “Question.” Smack.

“F-fuck, no, no you didn’t say I could relieve myself I’m sorry.” He cupped your pussy running the palm of his hand up and down with ease because of how slick you already were. “God, this pussy is so fucking wet for me.” He let your hands go and put them at your sides, still rubbing his hand up and down. His palm hitting your clit deliciously with every stroke. You only get lost in the feeling for a few seconds before you feel a big ringed hand land a harsh smack on your tit.

“Oh shit!” You let out a yelp and jolted backwards.

He stopped stroking your pussy to pull you back to the end of the bed by your thighs “did I say you could fucking move? You’re going to sit right here while I remind you who these fucking tits belong to.” He grabbed your hands in his and put them at your sides “Don’t. Move.” His hand came down on your tit again, his rings enhancing the pain in the best way. “Open your mouth” you obliged, and he shoved his fingers in your mouth “suck” you did as you were told, wetting them with your spit. He pulled them from your mouth and dragged them down to your chest, his now slick fingers lightly tracing around your nipple. You let out a moan at the feeling and before you could process his fingers grabbed your nipple and squeezed hard.

“O-oh fuck! Shit.” He shoved the fingers from his other hand into your mouth, gagging you slightly before repeating the actions on the other side. He grabbed both of your nipples at once and twisted them. “You like this don’t you? Is this what you wanted? If you wanted me to play with your tits baby all you had to do was ask” he let go of your nipples and both his hands came smacking down on either one of your boobs, once, twice, three times before he grabbed hold of your nipples again.

It went on like this for a while, him squeezing and smacking your tits. Adding his teeth, biting at your supple flesh and leaving love bites all over your chest. “Whose tits are these, baby?” He was licking all over your chest while he squeezed your tender nipples in both hands.

“Yours! They’re yours! Only yours I p-promise!” You didn’t know how much more of this you could take, your tits were so sensitive and your pussy was dripping begging to be touched. “Please fuck me, I’ll be so good if you please just fuck me.” There were tears starting to form in your eyes, and your words were starting to sound slurred. Eddie was so fucking hard thinking about how he could get you to this fucked out state without even truly touching you that he couldn’t even bring himself to protest.

“Alright baby, lay down, I’ll give you what you want.” You laid back on the bed with your legs hanging off the edge and Eddie came up between your legs, hooking them around his hips before he lined himself up with your dripping cunt. Ready and waiting for his cock, always the perfect fit. He didn’t give you time to adjust, just slamming into you in one thrust and fucking you hard and fast. “You’re so hot like this princess, all fucked out just for ME, my pussy, my tits. Mine mine mine.” He leaned over you and kissed you hard, bringing one of his hands down to rub little circles on your clit. That mixed with the feeling of your tender chest rubbing against his still clothed one had the coil in your stomach tightening.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum on your cock” your eyes rolled in the back of your head and you brought your hands to his hair tugging on it like it was the last thing grounding you to the earth. “Yeah baby, cum for me. I’m going to fill this little pussy up with my cum and make you walk around with it in those little bikini bottoms of yours” that did it for you, your orgasm came crashing down on you and as soon as Eddie felt your walls tighten around him he was right behind you, filling you up just like he said.

He collapsed on top of you for a second before pushing himself on his arms and kissing your nose “You were such a good girl for me baby, do you want to go back down by the pool? Take a nap here? We can go home if you want? Anything you want it’s yours.” His demeanor changed to sweet and doting like it always did after he was rough with you.

“Mmm… I think I'll just take a little nap here if that’s okay? Then maybe afterwards we can go hang by the pool?” You yawned, nuzzling your face into his chest. “Okay sweets, that sounds good.” He slipped out of you causing you to wince, grabbing your bottoms from the ground and pulling them up your legs “we can at least TRY to not get anymore cum on Harrington’s guest bed” he chuckled before scooting you up to the head of the bed and tucking you in the blankets.

Normally you would be more worried about the fact that you were dripping a mixture of you and your boyfriends cum onto your friend's guest bed but you were too tired to care. He shed his own clothes down to his boxers before sliding into the bed beside you and pulling you into his arms, your head on his chest. He ran his fingers through your hair and along your bare back “I love you baby girl” he whispered into the crown of your head before leaving a kiss there. “Love you Ed’s” you barely mumbled before drifting off to sleep.

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

For the twst monster au if Yuu is a woman how would the staff and students first react to periods? (Also I love your writing and I hope you have a wonderful day.)

WARNING: Menstrual cycle discussion, blood mention, female!Yuu

Awww thank you! I'm glad I can keep entertaining everyone with my writing, and I hope you’re having a wonderful day too! QvQ

In a way I actually answered this question in this post with an AFAB Yuu, though I hadn’t done much in regards for those who have extremely painful cycles compared to others…which, by the way, cycles really shouldn’t be painful to the point of not being able to function at all. It’s best to talk to a specialized doctor about this, because there are ways to make it more bearable! Please make sure you’re taking care of yourselves. ;;3;;

So this will be a situation involving a fem!MC with a particularly bad cycle not that I’m projecting my own experiences here, no sir-e Bob! Under a read more just in case!

////

No matter how much fanfiction Yuu read, no one ever said that being transported to another world would be all sunshine and rainbows. Even less so when she found out she was literally the only human known in Twisted Wonderland’s existence—a fact that put an uncomfortable amount of attention on her as she tried her best to adjust to the strange world filled with magic and humanoid monsters alike. Thankfully—despite the rough start where Yuu got dragged into a mess caused by two of the monster students and their new chimera companion—she was grateful to have found a new friendship with Ace and Deuce (even after the latter finally started to relax after realizing she was a girl). It made things feel less…stressful, knowing she had friends she could talk to even as Jack and several other first year students joined their rag-tag group. She began to relax more…

And perhaps that’s why she found herself awake at 3:00 am, the growing discomfort in her lower back growing more and more intense. ‘Crap,’ she thought, carefully sliding out of bed to avoid disturbing Grim and making her way to the bathroom.

//

Grim grumbled sleepily as he woke up, wondering why he felt so cold before realizing that Yuu wasn’t next to him. “Mmrgh…Yuu, hurry up,” he mumbled, head drooping as he crawled his way deeper into the sheets where there was still some warmth. “’m cold…”

Thump!

“Fygah!?” he yelped, scrambling around before managing to poke his head out from beneath the covers. “What was that?”

In the bathroom across the hall, he could faintly hear sharp, quiet gasps of pain and whimpers.

“Yuu?” he called out, moving to climb out of bed…and pausing when he caught something in the glow of his ear flames: a small, dark stain that looked almost black against the white sheets. Worried by the strangely familiar smell, he climbed out of bed and made his way over to investigate the noise. He didn’t recognize the sounds, yet he recognized Yuu’s voice immediately. As he got closer, however, a new smell hit his nose that set his fur on edge. It was heavy, the sharp tang of copper making his nose twitch as dread filled him:

Blood.

“Yuu!!” he cried out loudly, bursting into the bathroom and rushing over to the collapsed human. “Yuu! What’s wrong?! What’s going on!?”

Her face was contorted in pain as she writhed on the ground, Yuu hissing and gasping as she clutched her gut. Tears streaming down her face, she could barely focus on Grim’s face as she said, “It…it hurts…it hurts!”

“D-Don’t worry, Yuu! I-I’ll go get help!” he told her, paws scrabbling at the wooden floorboards as he bolted for the phone Crowley had given them the other day. “Don’t you die on me!!”

//

Brr-brr-brr!!

Ace groaned as he buried his head under the pillow, trying to block out the noise and the bright light of his phone as it rang incessantly nearby. It wasn’t until it began ringing again that he reluctantly reached out and—dragging it under the pillow with him—held it up to his ear and mumbled a tired, “What do you want…?”

“ACE!!!! YUU’S DYING!!!!!!”

“Gyah!!”

THWUMP!!

“Ow!” Ace groaned, the sheer volume of Grim’s voice on the other end startling him enough to fall out of bed. His roommates—including Deuce—were awakened and complaining as he straightened up and said, “Grim? What the hell, dude, it’s almost four in the morning!”

“Ace! You and Deuce gotta get over here right now! Yuu’s in the bathroom in a lot of pain, and I smell blood! Lots of blood!!” Grim said, sounding panicked. “Hurry!!!”

“Wait, hold on! What do you mean Yuu’s hurt?” he asked, scrambling to his feet. “And what do you mean you smell blood?!”

“Ace? What’s going on with Yuu??” Deuce asked, getting to his hooves as quick as possible. “Is she okay!?”

“Hurry!!” Grim yowled before the line dropped.

“We gotta move!!” Ace said, immediately grabbing his clothes and throwing them on before bolting out of the room. “Hurry up, Deuce!”

“Hang on, Yuu! We’re coming!”

//

By the time they managed to get there, Yuu was now sitting on the floor with her back to the wall for support. Her face showed her exhaustion, Grim and the ghosts looking anxious and worried as she focused on breathing. “Yuu! What’s wrong? Where are you hurt?!” Deuce asked, a large first aid kit strapped to his back like saddle bags.

“Grim said you were bleeding,” Ace added, kneeling to get a closer look at her. The stench of blood was so thick that it set his fight or flight instincts into overdrive, yet he couldn’t see any obvious signs of injury. “Are you okay? Do we need to call a hospital?”

Yuu stared at them with tired eyes, the surprise on her face tinged with what looked like guilt as she shook her head. “No…no, I don’t need to go to the hospital,” she told them. “It’s not that serious. Do…you by chance, have any aspirin or something like that in those bags?”

“Apirin…? Uh…y-yeah, but…but what about the blood we’re smelling?” Deuce asked, one of his forehooves tapping the wooden floorboards anxiously before he stopped it. “No one bleeds that much unless they’re injured!”

At that her face flushed a deep red as her arms clutched at her middle again. “Well…not exactly,” she uttered quietly. “It’s…my monthly…”

“Monthly?” Ace repeated with a frown. “Monthly what?”

“…cycle…my monthly cycle…”

In that moment it finally clicked, Ace’s long rabbit ears immediately pulling back as he said, “Oh…oh! Jeez, is that all it was?”

“Eh?” Deuce uttered. “What’s going on?”

“Seriously, Deuce? I would’ve thought you’d have paid attention in biology class or something…anyway, are you sure you’re okay, Yuu?” Though his tone had been teasing at first, Ace’s concern was clear as day as he looked her in the eye. “Female monster cycles don’t normally smell this blood heavy.”

“I’m fine. This happens every month,” Yuu explained, reaching up to the sink and pulling herself—rather shakily—to her feet. “I’m lucky on the days when it doesn’t start and wake me up at three in the morning, let alone allows me to function properly on the first day or two.” With a tired sigh, she uttered, “I really didn’t think I’d be having this conversation with you guys though…”

“Yeah, well, Grim thought you were dying and called us,” Ace said. In a serious tone, however, he said, “You’ve got that medical exam with the researchers tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah…?”

“I think you need to talk to them about this.”

“Ace, it’s fine-”

“Once in a while is one thing, but if this keeps happening every month to the point you’re barely able to do anything, isn’t it better to try and find a way to mitigate it rather than suffer through it?”

“He’s right, you know,” one of the ghosts said, sounding concerned. “When we were still alive, we had to take care of ourselves whenever we were hurt or sick. This cycle of yours doesn’t sound normal.”

“At least talk to them about it,” another ghost said gently. “You nearly scared the life back into us earlier!”

“Yeah. You’re our pal, and we’d hate to see you suffering,” the last ghost said.

“Fynaa…I still don’t know what’s going on, but you scared me, Yuu!” Grim scolded, though it was hard to not see the tears in his eyes as he stared up at her. “I thought you were dying…”

“Yuu…we really just want what’s best for you,” Deuce said. “Not just because you’re the only human, but because we care about you as our friend. So please…don’t just ignore it if you’re hurting. Okay…?”

For a long time, Yuu was silent, staring at everyone one by one…before slowly nodding. “…okay,” she said, tears forming in her eyes even as she smiled. “I’ll talk to them about it.”

“Good. Now…mind if we spend the night here? I’m too tired to run back to the dorm,” Ace grumbled with a sigh. “I think that’s enough chaos for one day.”

SLAM!!!

“Where is she?!” Crowley’s voice shrieked from the main entrance. “Is Yuu alright?!”

“…Grim…did you call the headmaster too?” Deuce muttered.

“…I panicked, okay!? I didn’t know who to call!”

////

And so, while we end on a comical note of Crowley freaking out over the research institutions, I’ve said it time and time again that these researchers will absolutely make sure that any concerns Yuu has will be addressed. After all, if they can find some way to enhance their quality of life, then that makes things all the better in the end!

It helps that, in this case, they literally get free health care as the only living human in Twisted Wonderland. Lucky! >:V

[shy-urban-hobbit]

For @elmonstro . Inspiration hit after our convo about potential Witcher Yule traditions and went in a weird direction 😂.

Aiden and Lambert are both oblivious, pining idiots and the other Kaer Morhen residents have had enough.

Implied, non graphic smut under the cut:

"It's mistletoe." Lambert stated like he was talking to a small child when he caught Aiden staring at it yet again with a slightly perplexed look on his face. The other Witcher elbowed him in the ribs as he rolled his eyes.

"I know what it is, Wolf. What I'm wondering is why you've just got random spriggs of it hanging over various thresholds this year."

"Jaskier's idea, probably." Lambert shrugged

"That still doesn't really tell me why." Aiden prompted when Lambert refused to elaborate. The Wolf could feel himself growing flustered. Explaining would lead his mind down a path he'd been trying to steer clear of for years.

"Yule tradition." Eskel piped up and thank the gods! Lambert wanted to hug his brother in that moment, "You're supposed to stay trapped under it until somebody kisses you." He continued, not looking up from his book...Lambert was going to reorganise everything in his brother's room, "And you were right, Lambert. Jaskier thought it would be fun."

"Of course he fucking would." Lambert grumbled under his breath. This was going to be a long and torturous winter.

It started out well enough. Aiden had discovered that Jaskier - typically - was happy with any form of physical affection bestowed on him, Eskel was happy to exchange friendly pecks on the cheek (as was Geralt, surprisingly), Vesemir's facial expression alone had warned everyone present that if they tried to kiss him, there'd be consequences, a brief hug however, was acceptable. It was the same with Yennefer, although it was becoming more of a thing to kiss her hand after Jaskier had done it as a joke and hadn't been blasted through the wall for his trouble and all of this was done with a smile and a laugh. Apart from when it came to Lambert.

No matter where or when, as soon as those two found themselves trying to pass through the same doorway it was like watching a couple of adolescents, the both of them turning into stuttering messes both reeking of anxiety as they brushed barely there kisses to each others cheeks before dashing off in opposite directions like their backsides were on fire. It would have been funny if it wasn't so painful to watch.

"Idiots. They are both idiots." Yennefer stated after having just watched Lambert staring longingly after Aiden when he left to help Vesemir bring some things up from the cellar, with Aiden doing likewise when Lambert left to see to a couple of things in his lab.

"Love truly is fucking blind." Jaskier groused from his perch in Geralt's lap, "I was sure the mistletoe would give them that teeny tiny push, you know?"

Yennefer patted his knee consolingly, "Oh it still will, little bard."

Eskel peered up at her suspiciously from where he'd had his head buried in his arms in despair at the situation, "What are you planning, Yenn?"

The witch said nothing as she took a dainty sip of wine.

"Aiden? Yennefer said you needed help with something."

"Awfully nice, considering I think it's Yennefer who's responsible."

Lambert looked down at Aiden, who was sat cross-legged on the floor just inside the doorway to the room he used whenever he accompanied Lambert in the winter, elbow resting on his knee as he propped his chin on his hand, "....I'm failing to see the problem."

Aiden got to his feet, pointed to draw Lambert's attention to the all too familiar plant above his head and made to take a step forward. Magic shimmered as it blocked him before his foot had even hit the ground, the same thing happening when he tried to take a step back further into the room, "Looks like she decided to take the trapped part of this literally."

Lambert groaned internally, "What about Jaskier, or Eskel? Can't they-"

"Offended." Aiden snorted, "And no, they all tried and no change. There's only you left."

"Offended."

"Well, maybe I've been saving the best for last. Now get over here and help your best friend."

All of Aiden's bravado vanished when Lambert moved into his space, close enough to feel his body heat, smell the slight nerves - but not close enough to touch, with Lambert's gaze settling on Aiden's ear.

"So should I, uhm -" he stuttered,

"Same as always?" Aiden asked, voice sounding only slightly steadier than Lambert's.

They both hastily brushed lips against offered cheeks - the quicker this was done, the quicker they could forget about it. Aiden once again tried to take a step into his room while Lambert made to back out into the corridor.

"Are you kidding me!?" Aiden bit out alongside Lambert's growl of "Yennefer!" as both of them were stopped in their tracks.

"Fucking great. Now what?" Lambert asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Maybe we did it too quickly?" Aiden suggested.

Lambert nodded in agreement, that seemed a perfectly logical explanation. They repeated the kiss, lingering this time, neither of them mentioning the spike in the scents of anxiety and the slightly quickened breathing of the other. Still nothing.

"Well, I'm out of ideas." Lambert leaned against the doorframe

"...I don't think I am."

"Hmm?"

Lambert wrinkled his nose at the nervousness now coming off Aiden in waves, the Cat looking more scared than Lambert had ever seen him.

"Aiden, are you-"

"Shut up. Just...please don't hate me for this."

Before Lambert could say anything else a hesitant kiss was pressed to his lips, his body stiffening on reflex.

Aiden pulled away as soon as he felt the other sieze up, "I'm sorry. I thought that maybe if...I don't actually know what I thought."

Lambert grasped Aiden's chin and repeated the same chaste kiss, only lingering a couple of seconds before pulling away and finally looking Aiden in the eye.

They collided with one another, Aiden's hands fisting in the front of Lambert's shirt while Lambert yanked him in with a hand on the back of his neck, both opening up to one another at the first hint of probing tongue. Lambert's hands travelled down, down, down to press lightly on the back of Aiden's thighs, the Cat getting the hint immediately and giving a little hop so he could wrap his legs around Lambert's waist. The Wolf moaned as Aiden's skillful fingers started making a mess of his hair as he rolled his hips while Lambert shamelessly groped Aiden's ass as he supported his weight.

It wasn't until Lambert's knees hit the bed he realised that they were now fully inside Aiden's room - quickly followed as he lowered them both onto the mattress by the realisation that they should probably close the door. He gave a deep chuckle as he felt Aiden pause in his efforts to apparently just rip Lambert's shirt clean off him and make a quick motion behind his head, closely followed by the sound of a door slamming.

"Hey." Lambert said softly. Aiden cracked an eye open to peer at him from where he'd been dozing in the strip of sunlight that fell oh so conveniently across Lambert's chest "What did you mean earlier before you - when you asked me not to hate you?"

"I thought that would have been obvious." Aiden sighed, propping himself up, "You always smelled like you were about two seconds away from bolting whenever we got caught under that fucking plant. I thought the idea of doing anything like that with me made you uncomfortable, so I kept quiet."

"Like you didn't smell exactly the same." Lambert rebuffed, tweaking Aiden's nose, "I never said anything because I thought it made you uncomfortable, otherwise I would have dragged you to bed years ago."

Aiden grinned, sliding up Lambert's body so they were face to face, hovering over him "Yeah?"

Lambert nodded, running his hands over the others ribs, "Oh yeah. There'd be no doubts about whether you were mine or not. They'd smell me all over you."

"Oh, so I'm yours now am I?" Aiden purred

"As much as I'm yours?"

Aiden gave him a couple of quick pecks, "I like the sound of that."

Without warning, he rolled off Lambert and leaned over the side of the bed, digging through his clothes before holding the sprigg of mistletoe triumphantly - he must have grabbed it off the doorframe when Lambert was distracted - before proudly placing it on the headboard.

"You're fucking ridiculous." Lambert laughed as he moved to get up and get something so they could clean themselves up. He was stopped by Aiden grabbing onto his arm.

"Ah ah ah, we're under the mistletoe. You know the rule."

Lambert made a show of rolling his eyes before leaning in and very quickly deciding that getting clean could wait.

[0perfectimperfections0]

The Grass on the Other Side: Part 3

"I hate everything about this idea."

Lucky stayed quiet, silently agreeing with Lou on that regard as he looked up worriedly. Moxy was on Babo's shoulders, holding her arms out to balance them as they wobbled closer to the cliffside.

"Bah, you're just being a stick in the mud! C'mon, got any better ideas?" Moxy challenged.

The blond rolled his eyes. "Multiple. Let's see," he held out a finger for each idea as he listed them off, "Lefty, the weird flying thing-"

"His name's Peggy!"

She was promptly ignored. "A ladder, literally anything else..." Lou rolled his eyes back up to Moxy. "Need I go on?"

"Lefty and Peggy won't help us, okay? I know they won't. So no point in asking."

"Why not? You're all friends here, right?"

Moxy pursed her lips, looking up at the flower as she held onto Babo's shoulders. It was still a ways up there. "We are...But this is different. They don't believe the Big World exists." Lou opened his mouth to question her further on that, but she interrupted him. "Come on, you wanna get up there or not?"

Lou sighed, arms crossed as he looked up at Moxy. She was urging him to climb up onto her shoulders in some sort of balancing act, but Lou didn't know how well that would work out. He'd already fallen on the ground once today. He looked down at Lucky, who was standing beside him observantly. "Can't you fly?"

Lucky went a little sheepish at that, quirking a smile as he averted his gaze to the ground. "Ah...I'm...working on it..."

The Pretty Doll rolled his eyes and begrudgingly walked toward the Tower of Dolls. "This better work..." he mumbled under his breath. Babo interlaced his hands and boosted Lou up. Moxy grabbed his arms and pushed him the rest of the way, holding onto his feet as he precariously flailed in the air. Babo had to side-step a few paces to keep his balance as they swayed. Lucky grit his teeth together just watching it.

"Afraid of heights?" Moxy sneered up at him as he froze, trying to steady them, arms held out stiffly.

Lou grounded his teeth together, glaring down at her. "No, I'm just allergic to dying."

Moxy huffed, squinting one eye as Lou finally situated himself on her shoulders. She held tightly onto his ankles and Babo carefully walked closer to the pipe. "Is everyone a drama queen where you're from?"

Lou didn't dignify that question with an answer. He looked up at they teetered beneath the pipe...which was still a good ten feet above them. "I still can't reach it."

Moxy hummed. "We need more dolls."

The blond refrained from face-palming, lest they lose their balance. "Seriously? That's your plan? Why can't we just use a ladder? Don't you have any of those around here? Or build something?"

"We can't do that. We'll get in trouble." Moxy said, surprisingly serious in her tone and expression.

"Why would you get in trouble?"

"Because-"

"Lou?" Someone spoke up below them.

They all froze, Lucky included, and turned to see Ox staring at them with a wide eye. Lou, most of all, was struck speechless as he and Ox made eye contact. Babo finally lost his balance from whipping his head around so fast and the three of them came crashing down in a fit of yelps and screams.

Lou found himself on his back for the second time that day. And, again, a shadow blocked his vision. Except this time it was green. "Ox? What-"

"You must be Lou," Ox quickly interrupted him. "I saw you in the newspaper. Word travels fast around here." The bunny held out a hand to Lou once he sat up from the ground. "Name's Ox."

Lou blinked at the bunny, looking between his face and the outstretched hand. "I know who you are."

This caught Moxy's attention. She dusted herself off from her own fall. "You do? How?"

Ox interrupted before he could answer. "We've never met before. I'd remember you. You musta hit your head pretty hard landin' here."

What in the world was going on? Did Ox seriously not remember him? But he had said his name... "What are you talking about?" Lou swatted the outstretched hand away and stood up. "You know me, Ox. We met at-"

"Lucky, can you go back to your place and get your aid kit? Fella's hit his head pretty bad on that landin'. He's a little delusional." Lucky looked curiously between the two of them, but nodded and hurried off. Ox gave Lou a gentle pat on the arm, which was brushed off just as fast by Lou. "Don't worry, we'll get ya fixed up and better in no time."

Ox then turned his attention to Moxy and Babo. "And don't think I forgot what ya'll just tried to pull off. That little stunt coulda hurt someone, ya hear? Go on to the boat race, you two. No more messin' around the flower."

Babo took a step back to comply, but Moxy wasn't having it. "Ox, he said he's from a different place! He said the Big World is real!"

"Yeah? Well, it ain't. You thought the Big World was real, too. Still do, and you ain't got no proof. He don't either."

"But Ox-"

"Go on, Moxy, I ain't gonna repeat myself."

She still looked incredibly frustrated and determined, but closed her mouth and huffed before walking off. Babo sent a worried look between Lou and Ox before following her.

The second they were gone, Lou shot a glare down at the bunny. "What the heck? You leave for 7 years and suddenly pretend to not know me?"

Ox would have been touched that Lou knew exactly how long it had been, if not for the circumstances. He fixed Lou with a steady look. "You shouldn't be here."

Lou blinked at the cold tone. "That's all you have to say to me after all these years?"

"That's all you had to say to me before you led me toward the recycle?"

Lou's eyes hardened, hands clenching into fists. "I was trying to save you-"

"Good job," Ox bit back sarcastically.

"You've been alive all these years and never told me? Never came back through the pipes?" If Ox didn't know any better, he'd say that Lou actually sounded hurt. "I thought you were dead."

"I wasn't wanted in that Institute. Least I could do was stay outta your hair. 'Sides, didn't think you'd wanna see me, anyway."

Lou has a million things to say to this rabbit, but his eyes glance behind Ox to where Moxy and Babo had vanished off to. "Why does this whole town think the Big World isn't real? Why have you been lying to them?"

"I did what I had to." Ox kept his voice low, as if even admitting the truth out loud was too risky even with no one around. "If they thought there was somethin' better than this out there, they'd up in my situation; tossed out. I don't want them knowin' they're rejects."

"So you blocked the way to recycle, built a whole town right next door, and convinced all your little rejects that the Big World doesn't exist? Do you understand how crazy and ridiculous that sounds?"

Ox glared up at Lou, speaking through clenched teeth. "We ain't bothered y'all in seven years. Don't act like your little perfect agenda is ruined just 'cause you know about us."

Lou scoffed at that, eyes rolling. "It's going to be if you don't get a handle on some of your sock puppets. Moxy doesn't seem to believe your little story."

"Well, now that ya told her about the Big World what am I supposed to do?" Ox was growing increasingly frustrated now. Everything was going so smoothly to keep the dolls in the dark about life outside of Uglyville and then this blond comes stumbling back into the picture and ruining everything. Moxy would never let him hear the end of it now.

"Tell her the truth."

Ox scoffed this time, shaking his head. "That's funny."

"I wasn't joking." Lou crossed his arms, nodding in the general direction of the town. "Tell all of them the truth. Tell them they're rejects and that the Big World is real, but they'll never be able to go. I think Moxy would stop trying so hard if she knew she would be wasting her time."

"And how would that make me look, huh? If they suddenly find out, after all these years, that I'd been lyin' to them?"

"Maybe you should've thought about that before lying to them." Lou was dead serious about this and Ox could tell that he was in a rock and a hard place now. Lou had to leave.

"Go back to the Institute. I'll have Lefty hoist ya up there." Ox made to turn around to do that, but Lou gave an incredulous laugh.

"Oh, no, Bunny." Lou smirked, unfolding his arms and squinting at Ox in wry amusement. "If you won't tell them then I will. My Institute is on the line with this little fib of yours."

Ox bristled, whipping around fast to glare at Lou. "You ain't tellin' them anything. Now stay put. You're goin' back where you belong."

Lou straightened at the challenge, a dangerous look in his eyes that made Ox stiffen. The blond clenched his jaw and walked past Ox. "Try and stop me."

"Lou, don't you even think about it! I'm serious!" Ox started to hurry after Lou. Stupid long-legged Pretty Doll.

Lou didn't bother looking behind him. "Maybe I just want to see more of your town. Is that so wrong?" When Ox finally fell into step beside him, he gave the bunny an innocent look.

"That's a lie and we both know it," Ox grumbled.

Lou raised an eyebrow down at him, arms folding behind his back. "Maybe not. But I know what is a lie...and this whole town is gonna know about it. You said word travels fast, right?"

Ox's eye widened and he slowed to a stop as Lou kept walking. He swallowed nervously. If the town found out about his secret...would they turn on him? Would they get mad and revolt? He had to do something to stop Lou. Anything. Would bribery even work?

Ox's mind ran a mile a minute to try and figure out a solution.

"Wait."

Lou stopped, not turning to look at Ox just yet. He tilted his head slightly to the side, seeing the blurry image of the bunny from the corner of his eye. He raised a brow, waiting for Ox to continue.

Ox took in a shaky breath, mind spinning. "Let's make a deal."

[ussjellyfish]

Here's an ask for you! Was there a specific on-screen moment when you started shipping Michael/Laira?

Oh thank you!!

They have an ARC. They have an on screen arc, and I'm so accustomed to making things up (Beverly Crusher/Kathryn Janeway), or working with a handful of episodes that don't have an arc (Maleficent/Regina Mills).

Long post!

Michael is finally captain, which has been a long time coming, and she loves it, she's good at it. Season 4 is peak Michael.

I have wanted to have a ship for Michael since the show started, because I adore Michael, and nothing really hit me until Laira and Michael started talking to each other.

Episode 1 - wrecking ball era

They don't really like each other at first. Laira is "using a moment that should be about the cadets" and Michael is "a huge swing of the pendulum" who doesn't understand that sometimes she might lose.

Michael hasn't lost for awhile, so Laira has a point. Michael needs to save everyone (this is a really common rock star captain thing).

And fate has handed Michael a whole set of events where she was literally the only person in the galaxy who could fix it. Michael found a way to peacefully end the Klingon war without going as dark as parts of Starfleet wanted too.

Michael and her crew literally saved the future by going ahead in time, preventing control from getting the sphere data. It's a huge sacrifice, and they were willing to make it, and it's also a huge win. Everyone was saved.

They have this really honest, almost brutal conversation, where they both have very valid points and they're polite to each other, but they are in opposite places. Michael wants to bring everyone home. She doesn't want to mitigate life and death. Laira thinks she might need too.

And they're from very different places. Michael's from this incredibly optimistic time, where bad things happened (the Klingon war, losing Captain Georgiou, Control tries to evolve and Starfleet really grasps at straws) but the bad things are brief, and traumatic, but they persevere. They're rebuilding after the war and maybe they can be allies with the Klingons some day: Michael has retained her hope, and for good reason. Things improve, she has solutions. Her skillset is phenomenal.

Laira grew up in a universe with scarcity. She was a cargo pilot, and didn't go to the Science Academy, or the Academy on Earth, or even really see the Federation or Starfleet as what they were in Michael's time. Starfleet has hundreds of ships where Michael came from, Starfleet is a force for hope. Laira's whole life has been in a galaxy where Starfleet is tiny, and can't help, and they try, but the needs are so great, and everyone is so isolated that hope is a harder thing.

They have a whole set of conversations about leadership, and balance, and hope, and Laira pushes Michael to be better in the beginning.

They start out standing together, and end standing on opposite ends of a table. The blocking is fun, their whole conversation is so fun. They're an mildly antagonistic allies to lovers at this point. They believe in the Federation, but have differing approaches to leadership, and don't have a high opinion of each other but the mutual respect is there.

I rewatch this episode when they need banter, or I need to have them argue. I desperately wanted them to talk more after this episode. I loved Laira immediately, but I didn't write fic for them yet.

So I had interest, but I wasn't shipping shipping yet.

Episode 4 is when I did that.

In episode 4, mutual respect era, Laira conspires with Vance to get Michael and Saru to come help her with diplomacy. It's an fun insight into Laira's personality that she asked Vance to pretend to be sick, or told him to, because she wasn't sure if she wanted to ask Michael and Saru directly.

She moves pieces, and Michael's a really powerful piece.

Laira (and T'Rina) perform their political theater (and you find out at the end that they've been friends for a long time, and kind of set it up together, which is also interesting. I like the world building in this ep.

The shipping comes when Michael goes to convince Laira that they shouldn't give up. Michael and Saru come up with a plan, and it's a very Michael plan. It wouldn't work if she wasn't who she is.

Bringing Michael in is Laira's last ditch gamble, and it works. Michael throws herself at the problem and comes up with an elegant solution and proves that she is actually so adept at the thing she doesn't like. (politics).

(the table is BACK and they're at opposite sides again, but they move closer to each other! There's a whole meta I need to write about this table.)

The last scene of this episode is the one that launched my ship. They're achieved the mission. Ni'Var is coming back into the Federation. Saru and T'Rina are flirting so they're both amused by that. They're alone together and there's a fire and Ni'Var conference rooms are romantic, pretty lighting.

Laira walks around Michael, and sits on the conference table. It's one of the first times we see her relax. She sits down, not because the meeting is sitting, but because she wants to. Maybe when it's just Michael she can?

It's this shift in power and an opening and vulnerability because she must have had such a long day, and Michael saved it, and she doesn't have to be the President for Michael.

They open up to each other! Laira complements Michael for being good at politics even though she hates it. Laira admits that Vance wasn't really sick (in a roundabout way, she's coy and flirty about it, so it's not a real admission, which suits her).

Michael looks at her like THAT. Sonequa has the most beautiful face and this looks absolutely destroys me.

Laira tells Michael that she had to protect President T'Rina (who warned her that the negotiations were going to implode).

They have this exchange.

Michael walks over to her. "If you wanted my help, you could have just asked me."

They lean on the table together. Laira bites her lip. "Truth be told, I wasn't sure you were the right person for the job, but I'm glad you were."

"I appreciate that. I know transparency isn't always possible in your position but it is what I need, to best serve you and the Federation. So if you could be more forthcoming in the future, I'd appreciate that as well."

"Understood, Captain."

So much happens here. Michael says what she needs, and she's direct and polite. She has the most impeccable etiquette and always calls Laira 'ma'am'. Here she doesn't. Laira listens, nods, accepts what Michael needs and she's the one who uses her rank as a sign of respect.

Then they shake hands, which Laira initiates and it's beautifully shot with the fire in the background, AND Laira covers Michael's hand with hers before she leaves. The music swells. There are strings and horns!! (it's so fun!).

(Also this was on during touch starved COVID era and holding hands felt like a BIG DEAL).

Laira takes Michael's request to heart and asks her for help the next time she needs it.

I shipped them, so very much after this. Laira's not in the next two episodes, but she is in episode 7!

Episode 7 - power couple era.

Michael teases Laira about wanting Earth back in the Federation, Laira admits that her mother's family is from Earth and her mother never got to see it. (Vulnerability! ambition! Michael reading her so easily).

Michael stands next to Laira through the negotiations. Laira tells Michael that she has to be neutral but she thinks Michael can steer the negotiation, if she's ready for that.

(transparency!)

Michael gives an fantastic speech for peaceful first contact, and they're successful. (Laira's hands her are really cute).

Then there's "Captain, I need you with me" and I was so gone. They work together so well to accomplish things. Laira sees Michael's incredible abilities. Michael reads what Laira is thinking. They achieve something they both want together.

Episode 8 - not many people have the ability to surprise me, captain.

The episode starts out with Laira livid. She paces, her diction is razor sharp, and she fidgets with her hands. It's the most unsettled we've seen her so far.

Laira not being able to deal with something and Michael trying to help was what set off my 170,000+ word WIP that is over two years old. Something unexpected should happen and Laira should be mad about it was the starting point.

(also the episode bookends with this shot, which is really clever).

I have a whole set of thoughts about episode 10 and the end of the season, but this was how I got started. This look helped. Michael surprises Laira by how competent she is. Michael does looking several steps ahead thing and turns a loss into a win and it's very coy and fun.

Laira wings her hands later in engineering and that obviously meant she needed to go through something with michael and the Discovery crew could help and...

I did the most shipper me thing I could possibly do and started a fic where she got pregnant.

Thank you so much for asking!!! this was so fun to put together. (and took days).

Special mention to the way Laira can make "captain" both a compliment and an insult, depending on her mood. (it's the other half of my Michael saying "ma'am" kink.

[docholligay]

BOY ARE YOU TWO ABOUT TO REGRET GIVING ME THE MILDEST POSSIBLE ENCOURAGEMENT.

I love Phil Ochs. He is easily my favorite of the protest folk/folk revival whatever you care to call that style and time in history. Bob Dylan is a better poet (but I mean, Jesus who can live up to Bob Dylan?) Joan Baez has a much better voice (A reviewer once said Phil had a 'nasally effective range of about half an octave' and given how many times he brought up/joked about it, i assume it stung), nearly everyone was easier to get along with, and yet with Phil Ochs it is love for me. I love the way he sings, it's simple and straightforward and sometimes plaintive in these ways that go beyond vocal theatrics. I like his patter, I like his humor, I like that he is willing to fight with Bob goddamn Dylan, I like the way he moves, i don't know. Fucking mess of a man. Love him. Do not get me started when i've had a few unless you're prepared to not get a word in edgewise for the next 20 minutes.

To the point, that a lot of the time I won't put anything of his on a mix album I make for someone! How stupid is that? I don't know, some things feel personal even thought they very decidedly are not. It's stupid. It's human. Whatever.

ANYWAY, SOME OF MY FAVORITE PHIL OCHS SONGS FOR THE UNINITIATED I THINK YOU SHOULD ALL LISTEN TO THEM. BUT I ONLY WANT TO KNOW IF YOU LIKE IT SO I THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE.

The Power and the Glory: When I said Phil Ochs, man with a huge fucking FBI file on him by the time he died at only 35, wrote my favorite patriotic song, this was it. Beeb even knows part of this song, because when I walk her to the Y, I sing to her part of the way, and this is on the playlist.

There But For Fortune: This actually became a minor hit for Joan Baez! (Adding to his frustration about his own life) It's a really beautiful song about not thinking you're above anything.

I Ain't Marchin Anymore: I included this because if you've heard a Phil Ochs song in an American History class or something like that, it's this one. I do like it! It had an immense effect and I would be wrong to exclude it. It's much more of a straightforward protest song than anything else on this list.

Outside a Small Circle of Friends: I think about this song all the time, a cheerful rag about indifference to the suffering of others. Don't put yourself out! Remember, you need to think about what makes you comfortable!

No More Songs: This song always makes me so sad. I love it, but it does. After this song, he would only ever record about 5 more tracks. He never had another album. He had massive writer's block, he was disillusioned by the way the world was going, he was an alcoholic, he was very clearly starting to lose it*. And seemed to realize he was losing his grip. I love this very sad country-folk song, and I think a lot about the line, 'Is anybody home? I only want to say, I'm sorry."

*and boy did he. As in, for awhile he assumed a new name and said that person had killed Phil and replaced him lost it. Ranting about the Cia and the Fbi trying to kill him lost it. Getting into intentional barfights with patrons over nothing lost it. I feel bad, because as much as a pain in the ass as he could be, reportedly, he also clearly had a lot of people who felt a lot of affection for him. His brother tried to have him committed. His sister wrangled him from off the streets to live with her. His friends tried to help and encourage to record. Even Bob fucking Dylan talked to him about doing a tour together, and when Phil put together a benefit concert that was in danger of being canceled for lack of ticket sales, Dylan was like, 'I'll play" and it sold out immediately. Lots of people tried really hard to pull him out of it. But it was just...he felt like a political, personal, and artistic failure, he was out of his goddamn tree, and it was one of those situations where I just want to be like, "You tried your best, everybody! I'll accept literally any emotion about this from any of you but guilt." I feel bad for everyone.

[daemon-in-my-head]

Okay here's my impromptu datv review that nobody asked for but I feel a certain need to ramble. Spoilers duh

Shit I vibe with:

The hair. Not the selection but the overall way it was implemented. It's nice and flowy and actually moves when my character does which is pretty neat and definitely hits a spot I didn't know have

Exploration is kinda fun. As in, getting sidetracked by side paths and the likes

Contrary to popular opinion I actually like my Character having a voice and actually being part of the conversation, so that's cool

Considerably minor choices have an impact. And now I want to punch Solas for being a smug asshole after I was a dick. I mean cmon he kinda deserved that one

You can somewhat customize your room. That's fun

Also; aquarium room yay

Stuff thats just 'fine'

The character creator. The scars are cartoonish, the tattoo selection is something, for lack of better term, and the hair selection at least for elves is atrocious. But, there are a lot of sliders for the face and body itself and you can get lost in them for quite a while

The atmosphere is alright. Environment is pretty to look at usually

The tarot art and stuff is pretty

Shit I definitely don't like

The lightning, or lack thereof. Somehow my white haired dude has black hair everywhere but in the lighthouse where it's somewhat muddy gray. Outside of the character creator I don't think I've actually seen the color I chose. Seemingly not an issue for dark hairs tho

The action combat. Don't get me wrong, looked super fun, and may be, but at least as a warrior who needs to get up and close to enemies half of the time I just don't see shit cuz of the weird camera angles. The darkspawn and shit are especially horrible cuz the blight usually covers the mark that would tell me whether or not an incoming attack is blockable. Which is fun if your combat kinda relies on you blocking shit.

Complaining further about the 'action combat'; it's so oddly slow at times? At least the warrior combat doesn't feel particularly fast, especially dynamic attacks like dodging, rushing or jumping. Which yk, you'd think would be fast. Then again, I am used to incredibly fast-paced combat and games in general (yk the kind that doesnt even allow you to think), so that might be working at my disadvantage rn.

Further complaining about the combat +1; the tutorial is shit. I'm sorry but text dumps ain't a tutorial that's a wiki or smth. Tell me which button to press in a tutorial fight while I actually need it and see my actions immediately translated and don't tell me 2 seconds after spawning 'hey u can dodge like this' only to have absolutely no reason to dodge for the next 10 minutes and 3 cutscenes. That's just lazy game design

The combat controls. Listen I know this is super nitpicky but who the fuck uses space to dodge as standard control in 2024 and why do you hate your players like that?

The writing. It's so on the nose. It's legitimately written for people without any critical thinking ability or attention span or whatever. Also it's so fucking repetitive. Yes we've established the elven gods are evil like 10 times in the last 60 seconds. I think I understand now. Can we talk about literally anything else please?

It feels like all characters have this 'try not to smile now' smile all the time. The stakes are supposed to be high but everyone's just grinning about. It does definitely impact the vibe

Being a sarcastic bitch sometimes is as morally gray as this game gets

The story is paced slowly. Which could be a win, but in this case feels more like a drag or a timestretch to artificially increase the content.

I've been a bitch to harding, nearly killed her, told her to stay back multiple times, overall did only thinks she disapproves of and I still rizzed her up somehow. Why. How. Does it even matter if they approve or disapprove of my actions? So far it doesn't rly seem like it

Why do you allow me to pet cats nd stuff if I can't actually see it happening. -100 points just for this one in particular

Most of the NPCs are copy pasted models and I can't unsee it. BG3 spoiled my ass with their diversity.

Turn your brain off and it's fine. Nice to look at. 60€ worth nice to look at? I'm rly not sure. Oh but definitely don't try to think if you listen to or read the dialogue cuz it will physically hurt you.

Will I keep playing it? Idk, honestly I am kinda bored after the initial 'oh new shiny game' wore off even though the concept is exactly the shit I usually vibe with. But welp, we'll see, whatever happens happens, for now I'll just disappear back into the void where I came from and probably take a nap.

[gladosluver]

storytime/lore: i was followed home

IMPORTANT INFO: my region has no sidewalks, so to get home everyday i cross the roadway (legally) and 100% do not trespass at all. if i had a car to drive, i would, and if i could take the bus, i would, but public transport doesnt pass through this part. IF YOU HAVE A CAR, YOU ARE USING IT. THERE IS NO REASON YOU SHOULD BE WALKING AROUND WHERE I LIVE.

okay onto the story now... my school is in another region so a bus brings me from there to another school, and i walk from that school to my house (about 10 min walk). today while going home i was waiting to cross the VERY BUSY street, and i see an all black LARGE VAN stop 40-50m away from where i was and this guy, also dressed in all black, steps out. and he started walking MY direction

(artist rendition below. thats my ugly persona btw i dont look that nice. those are also my beautiful eyes <3 sorry for staring into them without permission.........)

now like.. thats so weird. SO WEIRD. theres no reason you should be walking when YOU HAVE A CAR. ive lived here for at least 7 years and i have only seen someone walk on this road ONCE.

since i wait right next to the road im 1-2m away from oncoming traffic. its dangerous. now im waiting for all the cars to pass so i can (legally) cross the street, and at this point this random guy is like 20m away. luckily all the cars passed and i (legally) ran fast as hell across. i walked about 3 blocks before turning around and HES STILL FUCKING THERE. WALKING ON THE OTHER SIDE. PICKING UP THE PACE AND LOOKING AT ME.

this was in BROAD DAYLIGHT. additionally there was an event going on IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL where LAW ENFORCEMENT came over to educate the kids and was showing them different police cars, fire trucks, etc. WHY ATTEMPT TO FOLLOW ME WHEN THE POLICE ARE RIGHT THERE??

so i texted my friends. i have 2 irl friends i talk to outside of school. ive got like 5 irl friends in total so there wasnt really anyone else i could cry for help to, since my parents are at work for most of the day and night, and i have almost no living relatives here

about 4 blocks from my house i pass an intersection that goes into another neighbourhood where there was a someone in a car waiting for their kid to be dropped off. i speed-walked 3 blocks down and when i turned around there was ANOTHER RANDOM ASS GUY at the intersection looking in my direction. he looked like he was being yelled at by the guy in the car (i guess he suspected he was following me). the intersection is also at the top of a hill with some trees in the way, so when he looked away I RAN FAST AS HELL ACROSS THE ROAD.

i didnt even care that there were 6 cars coming from either side. i just thought "if i get hit, i get hit. if its my time to go then so be it" but halfway through i remembered something. you wanna know what i fucking remembered? what made me break out into a SPRINT? i have undiagnosed health problems that make walking up STAIRS a challenge, and i you wanna know why i started SPRINTING AS FAST AS I COULD? i remembered that stupid danganronpa dub. i thought of how disappointed everyone would be if i literally got kidnapped and never got to finish it. so i ran. i ran home. i got inside, shaking and panting heavily, which didnt stop for hours, but at least i was safe. at least i could finish it. my true purpose....... dubganronpa...

the reason i took to tumblr was because i literally had nobody else to tell. again, i know like. 5 people. i worded this post so cryptically because i didnt want anyone to be concerned if i just blurted out "SOMEONES FOLLOWING ME I THINK THEY MIGHT KIDNAP ME" so i said it discreetly and kinda goofy so yall would KNOW something was up, but in a half-serious half-joking way cuz thats how i cope with awful strange events in my life

it left me with so many questions.. why would you stop next to a busy road to walk somewhere when you have a car CLEARLY available? theres people who like <1 minute away from the school who use cars because walking is so dangerous. the only reason i walk is because I LITERALLY HAVE NO OTHER OPTION. walking anywhere in my region is BEYOND a last resort. hell, ive contemplated driving illegally before i decided on walking home.

i cant even think of anything i did wrong to get followed by some strangers. to my knowledge, i havent done anything to piss anyone off since first year. why me? what do I have that YOU want.. i just dub danganronpa anime and give it more homoerotic undertones.. is that really a crime?

now that im thinking back on the incident i realize i did have a few certain long sharp objects in my bag that i cannot name here (for self defense and also art supplies) AND MY BAG WEIGHTS ALMOST 3 KILOS?? IF I WHIPPED THAT AROUND AND HIT SOMEONE I THINK IT WOULD DO SOME DAMAGE

anyways im safe. for now. this weekend is going to be spent emailing my school asking them to make a bus stop at my house since the bus literally PASSES my house on the way to the school. i dont live in a neighbourhood, i live on the side of the road. its right there. why cant they drop me off man

GLADOSLUVER OUT

[idylls-of-the-divine-romance]

14 for the religious ask tag

Thank you fro the ask anonie <333

14) Have you ever been discriminated against on the basis of your faith? I am blessed to live in a country where this has never happened to me.

I do remember, however, an incident that happened with a friend of mine. There are two girls so we're gonna call them Rose and Julian for the sake of the privacy and etc.

So there was this (jewish) lady asking why everytime Christians hear she's struggling with something they respond with trying to tell her about Jesus. To which Rose (rightly) points out it's because Jesus saves. Obviously. Like Christian theology 101.

Then some anti-Christian shows up. And I mean they are really anti-Christian. Like at the "Christianity is a death cult and Catholicism is her pedophile sister" level (as if Catholics are not also Christians but w t v). And they start harassing Rose, telling her she should kill herself (who, at the time was maybe 14) because she's Christian and therefore evil

(By the way, i am like 80% sure Rose has religious trauma. We haven't talked in depth about it before. Lil Sis, if you see this, I would love to to talk about it if you're comfortable). Back to the story

Julian (also 14) jumps in to defend Rose from this man.

She also gets told she needs to kill herself. Repeatedly.

(Also Julian does cut herself now. Not related to this but still. She is doing better tho, God is at the grave and ready to do the miraculous)

Now I am pissed off. These are my two little sisters (by love not birth) and some rando is telling them to kill themself. So obviously, I am not gonna let this slide.

Now, I hit post limit (curse you, tumblr) so I can't reblog or anything, only send this person some asks. The first ask I send is basically "Are you okay? You clearly have some trauma, do you want to talk? Is there anything I can do to help?" I write a pretty long paragraph that's basically this and also trying to humanize Christians (those girls were both teenagers; my little 8 year old sister is a christian)

They respond: "Christians being shot in the street would help my metal health".

(Okay i'll stop using that bit lol. Everyone go watch Overly Sarcastic Productions they are great. Mythology, History, Classics, Tropes, etc)

Anyway it is by the literal favor of God that I do not start screaming.

But I don't because I'm like "This person needs help, not yelling. I need to love on them." So I do, or rather not me but Christ in me as Paul would say (Lord knows if I was operating in my flesh I would've crucified this man). I try to point out that oppression is not unique to Christians (and also that he just said he wants an 8 year old girl to be shot). They're like "Christians are responsible for transphobia and homophobia and police brutality.". I'm like "I'm a bisexual African American. And unabashedly Christian." They say "Do you know what I have suffered at the hands of these people?" I say "No, I do not. And i am sorry for anything you have suffered and I would love to help anyway I can. But telling teenage girls to kill themselves is not an answer to that and will only make things worse for you."

They block me. I don't go to sleep that night and spend the quite a bit of the night praying for them. I still pray for them whenever I remember to. May the God of favor, our Lord Jesus Christ, God of motherly compassion and loyal love, be with them right now. And may Mary Mother of God, Full of Grace, pray for them now and in the hour of their death. Amen.

[deusexlachina]

Wannabe Warden Part 10: Everyone comes to me for help simultaneously because Kirkwall is not a functioning city

In which I stop people from killing the Qunari because they're afraid the Qunari will kill people so they try and make the Qunari kill people to prove their point.

I'm still reeling from losing Bethany, raging that my dream became her curse. I need to become a Grey Warden, not just for glory, but to reunite with my sister.

Unfortunately that will have to wait, because literally all of Kirkwall comes to me for help with everything at once. Merrill needs help fixing a mirror, Anders needs help icing a lobotomy-happy templar, Fenris is pursued by slavers, and Isabela needs to have sex with me Right Now.

Unfortunately for my friends, none of their needs are as urgent as the Viscount, who asks me to make peace with the Qunari before they attack. In fact, the Qunari are one of the most restrained factions in all of Kirkwall, where the most common form of social interaction is murder. Despite this, everyone is more afraid of them than the random assassins lurking around every corner who kill Anders in ONE HIT SERIOUSLY WHAT A FAT LOAD OF SHIT

The Qunari are led by the Arishok, the head of their military wing. The Qunari are a society ruled by the Qun, which gives everyone Assigned Roles and frowns on deviation. The Arishok now reveals that they're here to recover something precious that was stolen from them, but even then he doesn't explain what, what it's needed for, what it looks like or who might have stolen it, despite the fact that all of these have clear answers that the Arishok knows (book, religion, fancy, and definitely Isabela, respectively).

Tragically, if his role was as a diplomat or even a spy, he could easily solve this situation, but because of his rigidity, he knows nothing but the direct approach and will thus keep seeing everything as either a nail for that hammer or an unsolvable problem. The latest of these nails is an attempt to steal their gunpowder formula. I say attempt because they accidentally stole a poison gas formula disguised as a gunpowder formula, a substitution that could only be deceive a thief clever enough to recognize a weapons formula in a foreign language but not clever enough to recognize what sort of weapon it is.

With this warning, I rush to save Kirkwall from the poison gas. There's no time to explain to him the potential strategic flaws in withholding gunpowder but teaching your enemies how to make a powerful nerve agent that can massacre an entire block. Fortunately, Other Aveline is here to help. She gets a report from her guardsman, and, because I bluntly talk about the dangers, she reassures me that we missed the initial cloud. I'm glad she tells me this, because it's only true if she does.

Anders doesn't use his healing powers to neutralize the poison. Varric doesn't use his own poison gas skills to make an antidote. Instead, Other Aveline just decrees that the death mist is Over and it's perfectly safe to breathe without any kind of respiratory protection, like governments did with COVID except this is actually true, which I can only attribute to either the placebo effect or her guardsman's report taking so long that most of the gas has already been breathed up by the residents. Fortunately, I learned that there's a haze that smells like throw-up. Your tax dollars at work, Kirkwall.

This quest isn't too hard, as long as you don't do it in the sensible way. You see steel latches on the ground, helpfully highlit to indicate they're important, and, once Hawke picks one up, she says they could close the poison gas barrels. The sensible thing to do at this point is to immediately close gas barrels as quickly as possible, since that is your entire reason for being here. But if you do that, you'll die horribly, because each barrel you close triggers reinforcements.

The smart way to do this is to slay everybody in the deadly gas, which you wouldn't think would be difficult, but they're apparently immune to it, taking no damage even if you didn't "miss the initial cloud." So they're immune to poison? No, no. They're vulnerable to poison. But apparently not the one poison that would make my life easiest. It turns out this was all a setup by elves angry at the Qunari converting their fellow elves.

They wanted to steal gunpowder to make an explosion and pin it on the Qunari so the people of Kirkwall would hate and fear them which they already do. They didn't know they stole a nerve agent, but they caused a massacre with a Qunari weapon, so it all works out. I mean they all died and took numerous innocents with them, but it's farther than most plans get in Kirkwall.

I report back to the Arishok, who is furious that he is saddled with cleaning up our mess. But the Arishok is very restrained - he keeps composed even as he boils with rage. He's a terrific character, one of my inspirations for the Ogre Queen. He thanks me, says goodbye and gives me some gold. After this interaction which could have just as easily happened over a spot of tea and biccies, Varric is understandably terrified and says we should rush to warn the Viscount of the Arishok's anger. To appease Varric, I pop over to the Viscount, just in time for him to have another crisis not a literal day later, where the Qunari sent a delegation to him and they just disappeared. Other Aveline uses her investigation skills and social graces to discreetly look into this.

In the least shocking twist conceivable, the one behind this was the same person who was behind the last plot against the Qunari - Sister Petrice, the Priestess of Meanness! She recognizes me from last time, although she thinks my name is Serah. (She must be thinking of that girl in Denerim).

To deflect blame, she sells out Ser Varnell, a templar who is obviously working for her and pretends he isn't. I left Kirkwall just long enough to fail in my life's ambition and had to part ways with my sister and closest friend, and already there's a new conspiracy by people who should've learned their lesson years ago. And - The Last Straw - people keep getting my name wrong. I go Berserk. This makes me convert stamina to extra damage and also get an attack speed buff. More importantly, it gives me glowing red eyes because I have a mod that gives you red eyes if you're Berserk.

I find the delegates imprisoned and tortured, and tell Ser Varnell to fight someone who isn't bound. He misinterprets this and slits the last Qunari's throat. We massacre them and explain it to the Arishok. Because I do not try to hide this from him, I earn the Arishok's respect, something with next to no practical use but which I can't help but go for.

Unfortunately, he thinks my name is Panahedan.

[circulars-reasoning]

Kindness and Anger

Look.

There is a major issue right now, in syscourse, about being too kind.

It's funny for me to say that -- after all, I'm the "respectability politics" syscourser, am I not? (And no, I have literally never forgotten that label being shoved on me). And the thing is, I really try not to be an asshole in syscourse, or overly pedantic, or just flat out mean -- because I'm a nice person, for fucks sake.

But that still doesn't negate that anger -- and yes, the occasional unkindness -- is needed. This constant shoving down of anger, this constant ridicule of passion and heat, is leading to a lot of incredibly traumatized people being incredibly hurt. Case in point: Me.

What follows is sort of half trauma dump, half vent, and all parts frustration that I'm trying to let out healthily. If you'd like the short version:

TL;DR: While syscourse can be harmful, it can also lead to a lot of joy. It can lead to new understandings. People telling me to back off, to not take it so seriously, are undermining a lot of that and echoing a lot of my past trauma. We should all be more willing to understand the impact these discussions have in real life.

I shoved down a lot of feelings these past few months. Shocker of all shockers, seeing lies being spread about myself and the people I love and the places I've worked to curate sort of pisses me off! But the message from everyone around me was "ignore the trolls, don't pay attention, don't engage--" And it promptly became translated into, "You aren't allowed to openly feel bad, and anyone being upset is a bad thing that needs to be fixed." I don't think this was intentional for many people. They were worried about me hurting.

But the issue was, these people -- traumatized people who have repeatedly been taught that their emotions are harmful -- were telling me that my emotions were harmful. Unsurprisingly, I suddenly was shoved back into this role of looking at and moderating every emotion.

I unmuted every vent room in every server I moderated for (and those I don't). I obsessively stalked many blocks I had blocked, simply to ensure I could brace myself for whatever thing might potentially upset someone else (not even myself -- I didn't care about those emotions). I even forced many of my friends -- the people who were watching me get hit and harassed and battered down every single goddamn day, who were worried about me, who wanted desperately to speak out against the heinous goddamn shit I was experiencing, who they themselves were experiencing -- to stay silent and bottle up their own emotions too.

You know what that all reminds me of?

Being available for those venting reminds me of that time I made sure notifications were on the night a friend sent me a suicide note -- one they later admitted was completely false, that they just were bored and wanted someone to talk to, and that would get me the most engaged. I was stressed by finals but instead of studying or taking care of myself, I stayed on the phone, texting with them for 3 straight hours, bawling my eyes out in fear. I was 18, and I never really grew out of this. I still sacrifice time and energy for people that not only don't deserve it, but who manipulate me into being there for them, no matter what. I don't know if I'll ever heal from that mentality.

Stalking the blogs I had blocked to make sure I knew everything, all of the time, no matter what? What a shocker for someone who memorized the squeaky spots on the floor, made sure to eavesdrop while walking silently through the house, learned to hide in the bathroom where they thought I couldn't hear them, made sure to open the window just a crack so I could hear them outside. To this day, I try to know everything, try to have google on hand, just in case someone asks me for more of my "somehow encyclopedic knowledge" on everything. People rely on me for that. I'm connected to everything, so nobody else has to be.

Making everyone else step back? How inventive, a traumatized person isolating themselves. I forced every single person around me (just like I always do) to pretend it was all fine, because if it wasn't all fine, then things would be bad, and if things were bad, I would melt down, and it would clearly be my fault, because wasn't it always, somehow, in the past?

(I'm still the most sorry about this one. I'm still trying to swallow that guilt and shame I have for letting it get that far, for hurting the people I love so much, just because I convinced myself I was just being stupid for being hurt, like I was always taught in my abuse. I'm so sorry to those of you who I forced to stay silent, just to keep the peace. You deserved so much better.)

Suffice to say -- it took removing myself from a lot of spaces for a cold shock to my system, splitting and not being able to be myself for a straight month, for me to even recognize this is what happened. It was so normalized for me, all my life. I had to emotionally regulate my parents, so it made sense that I had to emotionally regulate everyone else -- particularly when I was one of the people who was hurting.

All because "We can't let ourselves appear too angry -- that's not healthy for us."

As if how I became was healthy. As if the ball of anxiety and health problems I became, as if the nightmares and triggers I was experiencing were healthy. As if losing months at a time was fucking healthy for me. It took me until recently (and until today, writing this post, editing it, and reviewing it while panicking that I'm going to ruin everything if I ever post this) to even realize just how badly this hurt me.

I'm still flinching when I express a negative emotion to my partner. I had gotten over this. I had gotten better. Stabilized. But these past few months, forcing myself to be silent about my pain, forcing myself to not talk about anything negative... I slipped back. I let myself buy into the idea that my anger was ridiculous. That being so passionate was harmful. And look, Lord knows I've been vocal about how syscourse has hurt me. There were so, so many times where my anger took over, where I let myself become a person I look back on and cringe at, because that's just not who I want to be. But there's something called a window of tolerance -- or, as my queer ass therapist calls it, the rainbow of tolerance -- where you find a middle ground. You don't go to either extreme.

And I see a lot of major syscoursers lately (whether they consider themselves major or not) going to one extreme or the other, in their own ways.

In one camp, we have the polite overlords of kindness, hiding every shitty awful thing they say in a veneer of positivity and rainbows. Remarkably, no matter how nice something sounds, or how passionate someone is while being polite, it doesn't make it true, or somehow less harmful.

In another camp, we have the most obsessed goddamn people alive, raging about every little thing and making a post every 5 seconds about every little thing. The rage could be quiet or loud, but it's always just constant stirring of drama. (Looking at you, anti-endos posting incessantly recently about how much they hate endos...)

In yet another camp, and possibly the thing I want to address the most with this post, is those who are brushing syscourse off entirely. It's gaining more and more popularity nowadays. "How are you all caring so much about online discourse" types. "This isn't changing anything" types. The ones who insist that REAL activism happens in real life, and that this is so niche and small that it doesn't have any real impact to "just go and scream on tumblr about your feelings."

This is the one that's hurting me the most, right now, as I look back at a few years of being in syscourse. Because I managed to buy into it wholeheartedly these past few months. I managed to convince myself that this thing -- this place I love, the people I love -- were all wrong, and not only that, but were somehow self harming via this. That I was hurting myself by caring so deeply about misinformation, that I was actively self harming and encouraging others to do so, simply by engaging.

First and foremost: yes. Syscourse can absolutely be harmful. I am not trying to suggest it isn't. I have literally never suggested it isn't, and have vocally said it is harmful, multiple times, across several blogs.

Secondly, and far, far more importantly for this discussion: Syscourse can be beautiful.

I'm reminded of how I met a very, very dear friend -- @justanothersyscourse was the actual blog I'd talked to at the time -- and what I learned in that moment. I was sitting in a Covid testing line, terrified out of my wits, as a part who could barely comprehend anything he was reading online about disorders and dysfunction. He was trying desperately to understand, mostly because he had always been strong before, and now he felt so weak, being the way we were.

And he reached out to this major syscourser -- someone who seemed so angry about "something that's only online," about such a "niche topic that doesn't relate to the real world" -- and asked him, plainly, what was wrong with him. What was making him the way he was? Was everyone right about dysfunction and distress? Did he have to hate who he was just to be real?

And the overwhelming answer was, "No, and you are loved, because you exist, and you deserve it for that reason alone."

SAS didn't say as much in so many words -- actually there were a lot more words and sources thrown about, as well as olive branches all around. It burned me inside to reach out to him (he was anti-endo, after all, and I was not), but he still reached out to me with respect and kindness -- even if he sometimes acts immature, or rudely, or with language that would make a sailor blush.

I came out that day somehow feeling better than I had in years (despite, yes, having Covid). Because finally, a part of me understood... I wasn't broken. I didn't need to hate who I was, this fragmented self I was, because that's not what the criteria meant.

I want to ask each and every person who looks at syscourse with a disdain and dismissal, or who feels the need to post some swarmy holier-than-thou post about how above it they all are, or to remark on how everyone is too passionate and needs to take a step back, regardless of where they're actually at...

How in the 9 hells can I agree with you when I've had these experiences?

Again. I've been hurt by syscourse -- I feel the need to keep mentioning that, just because I know some of you fuckers are going to take this all to mean that I love syscourse too much, and that I'm too supportive of it, or god forbid that I'm fucking self harming by finally opening up about all of this. But the fact is, syscourse has helped me understand so much more about who I am, about the disorder I live with, and has led me to other avenues of research I never would've looked at otherwise. I've started studying Jung -- someone I had ZERO interest in before recently, I had to research far too much about him for my English degree as it is -- all because of the "Studies Proving Endogenic Systems" list I've been working through. I've started buying up self-help textbooks, because syscourse caused me to understand that my experience with therapists was NOT the norm, and most people DO need to work on self-help, and i wanted to understand their perspectives.

How is this not impacting people's lives?!

Of course I'm going to take this seriously. I take it as seriously as I take my teaching. I might not be changing the world, or changing laws. I might be working within a flawed system. But at the very least, if I can make one kid's life better -- give them someone like them to look up to, to relate to, who can give them the ability to make their own choices and learn more while advocating for myself --  then it's worth it.

And that's what I aim for in syscourse. If I can make one person -- singlet, system, plural, collective, whatever have you -- understand themselves or others a little bit better... Is that not, in it's own way, activism? Is that not, in it's own way, changing the world?

And if the answer is "no" then... what the fuck is the point of communication, or socializing, or trying to debate anything, anywhere?

Ugh. Lord, I've rambled so long, I can barely think about everything I've written. Bullet points time.

Syscourse can be harmful, and I won't say it isn't. As someone who has been obsessed with it in the past, who has used it to harm myself, and sometimes still does -- that harm doesn't go away on its own.

Syscourse is also beautiful. We CAN have good conversations, make close friends, and learn more about ourselves through these discussions.

If we don't try to combat that misinformation that's in this space, if we don't try our best to heal this space, then how is it ever going to recover?

I am a person that exists in real life. Syscourse isn't just a chronically online thing -- IT DOES have an impact in the real world! Stop devaluing passion and heat and anger just because you feel like you're so much more above it because you are clearly the person who knows better than everyone else, simply because you "Cracked the code" and somehow figured out how to syscourse unharmfully (newsflash, asshole, so did a lot of people -- it's just not in the way you agree with).

Let yourself be mad. Let yourself be impolite. Don't let it completely overtake every moment of your day, every second of your life, but fucking let yourself be mad. It's okay to be upset!

I don't know how so many of us managed to forget that along the way.

[halfusek]

Imma be honest with you, before BATDR came out, you literally held this fandom together with bandaids and stick glue. 2019-2022 was basically the dry age of Bendy content

haha thanks i tried my best

i Do enjoy being in a fandom, i've always looked up to the danny phantom phandom a lot cause the vibes there are just fantastic, there's a lot of things going on, people have many interactions with each other, so i wanted to try to introduce that to the batim fandom and i'd like to think that i sorta did

i know that it is a popular opinion to not engage with a large portion of the fandom but instead just grab a few friends and sit in a corner with them but like

engaging with a bigger portion of the fandom every now and then can be SO fun and give people an opportunity to meet other people and idk

fandoms are communities of people just united by liking A Thing so it can be challenging to make a space for many people to get along but i dont recall any super serious only fandom related dramas in batim?? weirdos are in every fandom and you just blast their asses into oblivion with a block button

and there have been cases when i felt kinda bad for blocking someone because that meant i'd exclude them from something i wanted to think of as a fandom-wide event for everyone who would obey it's rules but that's where this outlook on curating your experience into a smaller circle is very much the way to go lol

wait what am i talking about

aha yea 2019-2022 everything fucking DIED here but i was having a blast drawing my comic and also a lot of people who were into the sides of batim i was into mainly (the human characters) stayed around more than everyone else and it was really chill, i've met a lot of people and made many friendships :)

as the fandom was getting smaller there was a noticable drop in the amount of notes batim related posts were getting which is a very big symptom of a fandom dying but i think at some point it sorta stabilized who stayed there after batdr was delayed and delayed

i reblog and tag more than an usual tumblr user (when im active cuz sometimes i can not reblog anything for months because im busy lol) and that didnt start without a reason, it sure is a habit now and i really enjoy doing it, letting people know what i think about their stuff and putting nice things on display for others to see

reblogs are not just crucial for singular artists but also for fandoms as a whole, thats how you keep that train rollin

though here is a sad thing that many many artists dont reblog a lot, or reblog to their sideblogs that arent followed by nearly as many people as their main blogs

and thats like understandable, im the weirdo who puts a whole mess of many posts on my main but i think thats also the most effective way to help other people get traction and i never see this mentioned when people complain that tumblr users dont reblog as much stuff as they like

its even kinda funny to me when people complain about their stuff not getting reblogged when they dont reblog others stuff themselves at all xD though there is a bit of cyanide in that thought heheh

on the other hand reblogging doesnt work on stuff that i could see from other people: the stuff i reblog i get from browsing the bendy and the ink machine tag sorted by new + sometimes when i bored i scroll through my dash and reblog some random things but i follow 2k people so i dont really see any individuals art specifically, just a collection of random posts that i am able to scroll through in a few minutes (and every minute theres a bunch of new posts posted/reblogged by those i follow)

and that can take a long time! if ive been busy for months then scrolling through a few months worth of stuff people around the world made for bendy is so bad even on a beefy computer that it just pushes tumblr to its limits and takes HOURS to reblog and tag for me, and then i might even hit the daily post limit and have to continue tomorrow

but i enjoy doing this, bendy is my fixation after all and i fucking love art and what people can create for this thing that i like i soooooo desire to see it all

and i try to reblog as much as possible, though i dont obviously reblog *everything* from the tag, sometimes i just give a like or i just dont like the thing cuz its not in my liking and thats it

but i did make it a thing that during ink demonth i reblog all entries for the event no matter what my opinion of them is just to give some of that Exposure TM because hey maybe some of my followers Will like it

i dont run a super duper popular blog but there is a bunch of yall there and i think me reblogging something in this fandom at least may give a litol boost to the notes on a post

and its always fun to see peoples reactions that dont expect me to reblog from them but then i do and they freak out a little, i think i love it on the same level as getting comments on my own art :) its super wholesome

man by writing this post im procrastinating on something but fdnjkfdfd

but anyway thank you!! and im glad you think so because i did try to accomplish that :D