#and I don’t feel like he cares about romance in the conventional sense

[retrogradedreaming]

Just realized after that last reblog that some people probably make radio.rose stuff with romantic intent and I’m here like the only way for them is QPR 😌 Like I just can’t see ala.stor in any other ship or context and that’s where my mind immediately goes

[tetitous]

Okay, Yugo and queerness in Wakfu, part 2

Part 1 , for those who may have missed it

Are we back? We good? Okay then let’s talk about Yugo’s crushes, oki?

Yugo’s attraction: beyond Amalia:

This section has proven to be a little harder to write, because I wasn't certain on where to start.

Well let's start with the obvious: Yugo is attracted to women, he even married one.

But attraction to one gender doesn't mean the absence of attraction to another, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you're alloromantic/sexual (allo- being the prefix for the normalized sense of attraction, like cis- for gender), it all exists within a wide spectrum, after all.

Since I want to discuss the ways in which Yugo is queer, but I don't really care to assign to him any specific labels, I am going with elements that seems to indicate queerness in degrees of attraction, and towards whom that attraction is directed. I also decided to add moments that can be read into a homoerotic context but don't necessarily reflect Yugo's feelings on the matter, because these kind of scenes turn into grounds for shipping a lot of the time, and my goal is also to prove that shippers do have grounds for pairing Yugo with characters that aren't Amalia, or even girls for that matter.

Yugo’s relationship with romance and sexuality:

It’s actually not that easy to tell when Yugo is crushing on someone. One part of that may be that his dysphoria actually blocked his own ability to be certain of the way he feels about others, so bothered that he was with himself. But also, in the first 2 seasons Yugo is still a very young tween. Romantic attraction may happen, but if puberty hasn’t kicked in yet? Physical attraction won’t hit as hard.

Yugo struggled with his feelings for Amalia partially because of these 2 facts, plus the fact he has known her and felt that way about her for so long he might not even have had an “oh” moment.

“I’m not sure if it’s love.” about his s3 drama with Amalia

If you decide to take into account an aroace or bi reading, his lack of certainty makes even more sense: how can you tell you are attracted to someone when you don’t feel attraction in a conventional way, or when societal expectations tell you you should only feel that way for one type of people but not another?

Another good point towards Yugo not quite getting attraction as a kid, in s2ep12 he gets told about the story between Kriss la Krass and Maud, the “Masked Boufbowler”, and while Amalia and even Tristepin quickly identify this as a love story, he says this:

“Whoa Kriss! Without knowing it you were the best friend of Brakmar’s best Boufbowler, that’s so cool!”

So either Yugo just doesn’t understand romance at that point, or he thinks wanting to kiss your bestie is a very normal activity. If at this point he already considers his best friend to be Amalia, well, huh, and if he considers The Brotherhood of the Tofu as his best friends, well, huh.

And it’s not just hard to tell for him, it can be hard to tell for us too.

Here’s a thing you may think is an obvious sign of attraction for Yugo: blushing.

“You’re very brave. And also… very pretty.”

See, that face for example? Obviously a sign of attraction right? He’s looking at a pretty girl and complimenting her because he finds her “very pretty”. But we know for a fact he also blushes a lot when he’s embarrassed.

In s2ep14, he doesn’t just blush because a pretty girl is hitting on him, he looks towards Pinpin and Ruel smiling mockingly at him before pulling that face.

Everyone being embarrassed because a whole bar of pirates is laughing at them in s2ep19.

What’s more, this is the hardest he’s ever blushed in anime when looking at Amalia:

That… isn’t a lot. (And yes, if you have read the manga, he blushes harder in those, but the artistic decisions changed a lot depending on the format because the artist can draw the characters kind of however they want once they leave the format of animation, so I can’t really take it into account for this)

Therefore, I think Yugo doesn’t need to blush at someone to be attracted to them. But his eyes twinkling, which happens in almost all of his previously shown crush moments but are only visible in movement, may be of help for our queer reading later on, though it is more closely associated to strong emotions than romantic feelings.

To finish that take, I’ll remind everyone Yugo can only qualify as a young adult by the time of the OVAs, and while his feelings on the matter of romance are still ambivalent, by that point Yugo is at least sexually aware, or at least partially, because on one hand he doesn’t seem to care that much about pushing on Amalia’s butt to help her get out,

The literal face of innocence, genuinely just wanted to help.

on another, this is his reaction after carrying her bridal-style:

Yes. What’s under the hat is again used like a “what’s in your pants” comment. Sorry if this is a bit uncomfortable, I get it.

part 3

[mirimangarecs]

kill the villainess - haegi & wol-saeng sa

being suddenly reincarnated as a hated villainess, a normal woman is desperate to die in order to return to the real world, but the price of escaping might be more than anyone expected

the couple: it’s a slow development with a mature tone. he’s plain, loyal, and calm; she’s cruel, calculating, and extremely traumatized. he’s the only one who respects her boundaries and loves her for who she is

story & setting: the world itself is very detailed with a magic system that gives just enough information to intrigue you without overexplaining. the tone takes a sharp turn about halfway through to remind you that you are in fact reading a tragedy. even though it was emotionally awful, watching the pieces slowly come together was extremely satisfying

the art: gorgeous from start to finish

cw: attempted suicide, rape, misogyny

(spoilery rambling and analysis)

i finished reading like 10mins ago and raced over here this is Not gonna be organized or make sense

i think it’s ultimately another harem subversion story with a dark, even cynical bent, but i can’t say it’s wholly unearned. both within the genre and reality, the consequences of men hating and desiring you are oftentimes devastating, with little recourse to reclaim agency outside of drastic, self-injurious measures. on a meta level, there’s a huge emphasis on how much agency she or anyone can have as characters. eris turns down every attempt, goes through legal and social channels to separate herself from the various men that pursue her, tells everyone her feelings extremely bluntly, and begins seeing a different man, but they ignore these signals to the point of irrational self-delusion. they covet her even after her death, to the point where she orders her corpse to be burned to prevent them from getting their hands on her, and she’s correct to do it! it’s an extremely dark take on the “i’m the villainess, but suddenly all the male leads are in love with ME instead??” trope. everyone suffers because of this redirected attraction, and eris is to blame for exactly Zero of it, but it also serves to demonstrate how the supposed “happy ending” story where the rightful fl is adored and cared for by all also had the same capacity for obsessive cruelty under the veneer.

initially i had a little chuckle at her name literally being “eris misery” because it seemed a little edgy, and while that might be true, it turns out it is extremely apt. she sows discord over love with an almost supernatural quality, through no fault of her own because that’s just what eris was written to be, and now the person who became eris is being perpetually victim-blamed by the entire reality around her. it feels disempowering and incredibly frustrating for both her and for the reader.

i mentioned the tonal shift about halfway through and it really is dramatic, but it ultimately didn’t come out of nowhere. eris tells the reader who she hates, who she thinks will harm her, and that she wants to escape this world very early on, and it’s your fault if you don’t listen to her. the audience falls into the same traps as the men in assuming that she really will want to stay in that world after all, that it’s not so bad, that she’ll end up with one of the men who pursue her, and other isekai/fantasy romance conventions. the events halfway through are just a rude reminder that things really Are that bad.

the ending is brutal. the fact that like, almost everyone literally dies could come off as shock value but for me it felt more like a natural conclusion because dear god, this world is unloveable and no one can make it out alive. even original fl, though it was horribly sad, is better off dead having made her peace than being forced to be a plot object in the proximity of the men who are honestly incapable of respecting her as a person and have currently gone completely off the deep end. also, the political theatre surrounding these events is really masterfully done and brought a level of deep gravity to the situation. and technically the main couple is happy so like. it’s not all soul-destroyingly awful. thank god she got out and went to therapy

[venicebixch]

a bit of a reading into his placements

this is gonna be long sorry x

- his virgo moon, prone to insecurities, and projecting them onto others. judgemental. quick to become annoyed, upset, worried. He is too shy. His mother was probably good at listening to his feelings and what he had to say. loves her dearly, would do anything for his mother but he feels she wasn’t there for him in the way he needed her. He’s scared to disappoint his mother.

- cancer sun can make him manipulative and overly sensitive (especially with his virgo moon)

- virgo venus oh man idk where to start. picky asf and has trouble with love. He is very devoted, but may not always show emotions; he doesn't always let himself go, either through fear of ridicule or through fear of not being loved in return as much as he loves. He is therefore sometimes too undemonstrative. May give off the sense that his love is not for free. Caring but worries that he is not exciting enough. There can be sudden relationship status changes. There can be numerous love affairs or off-and-on relationships.

He may look for new sensations in love and might often feel unsatisfied by connections that quickly turn into purely conventional relationships.

- cancer mercury makes his emotions run deep. communication is important in his relationships. sharp mind. He is reflective and has one of the best memories around. He can be quick to pick up emotions and moods. He overthinks. He likes to please and to create a good impression, lana del rey has this placement. also i’ve found when people have a mercury in cancer a lot of their words get twisted because they are so emotional, it explains why he would get so much hate for “manipulating” his fandom when he was only hurt and trying to explain himself and his hurt.

- leo mars, doesn’t like disloyalty, their passion is long-standing. Mars in Leo enjoy sex more than most, as long as heavy doses of love and romance are involved. loves praise and scratching in bed, may want their partner to be loud in bed for others to hear (makes him feel like he’s doing a good job). They easily get fired up when they feel they've been humiliated (deji fight).

- now his aries rising (probably his most important placement in his chart), impulsive, competitive, prone to headaches. Broad shoulders and slim hips are common. Often, Aries rising people are quick to smile, and they possess a youthful charm throughout life.

Jupiter in V: He likes games and distractions, loves kids (especially his own).

Trine between Venus - Midheaven

He has good taste, an affectionate nature, his love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. His friends are useful in furthering his career. Good reputation in the professional world. Well-liked for what he does for a living.

he has libra in the 8th house making libra energy attractive to him, aris has a libra sun. he may get into serious relationships earlier than most.

cancer in 4th house, like i said he loves kids, wants his own so bad. has a special place in his heart for home and family. loves nostalgia.

cancer in 5th, lowkey mummy issues.

He is a lover, and faithful - the most important thing is that they love each other. He basically lives to love and find his “person”.

BABY THIS THE TEA

holy shit thank you for breaking this down!! and it all makes so much sense for him. obviously we don’t know him personally but i do feel like we get decent glimpses of who he is offline through his streams and tweets. and he really does seem to be fairly open with his fan base about a lot of things, like he’s not afraid to express his emotions about stuff. i love this. i love you. thank you.

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[curioussubjects]

forgot to let y’all know last night i survived watching scar but only barely. why are pilots the way they are why bensmoking.jpg. very excellent kara episode though i would like to give her a hug and a blanket. highlights are her scenes with helo and the toast scene at the end. my girl!!! cares!!! so much!!! kara is love shaped yall ksdjhfklasd

bit salty about how they decided to go about framing kat and kara’s antagonism, though. kara isn’t tigh. i feel like frustrated concern would be more in line with what kat and kara’s relationship probably is rather than outright hostility. didn’t like that, especially with how if kat is starbuck’s mini-me that mark didnt hit very well at all....meh. 

alsoooo ok ok helo telling kara she’s been ~off since anders and like....WHERE. someone point me to WHERE because i didn’t hallucinate final cut, pegasus, resurrection ship, and flight of the phoenix, did i? like those episodes happened? 

lee & kara: *experience suicidal thoughts/ideation as a result of trauma from being at war for 6 months, scarcity, being refugees, oh and also surviving genocide via nuclear holocaust*

black market & scar: it’s about their love for these randos actually in addition trust me. look at this dee-related drama with this simmering guilt over an ex. no deets though. but it’s bad enough to warrant sublimation via sex worker. these are real people so real naturalism at its finest. remember sam anders? no? well take a gander at this. kara’s been totes suffering. pining away lovesick. it’s not about kara keeping her promise to rescue the resistance, no it’s about her deep love for this man she spent [checks notes] 5 days with. naturalistic sci-fi boys and girls (gn).

also scar: reilly died because he didnt conquer his fear // what about us // there is no us // [press x to doubt] // it’s the alive guys you have a problem with // starbuck didnt die despite not conquering her fear but it’s ok she has a reason to live 

speaking of: more thoughts on the quadrangle of doom under the cut.

incidentally i think i figured it out why the quadrangle of doom is bothering me so much more than normal (as in for that type of story): i’ve said it before i think that a huge issue i have with how bsg tells its story is its lack of denouement with character plots, which makes the continuity really jarring. 

and it’s particularly bad with how bsg handles lee and kara’s romance. it’s like...one would IMAGINE that black market would feature kara in some way, likewise for resistance and the farm with lee. but they they don’t feature at all in those plotlines. lee isnt thinking about kara and kara isnt thinking about lee. as a viewer i can only figure well ok so pilots isn’t actually a thing, and the show is going in a new direction with kara/sam and lee/dee. that’s fine. i mean it isn’t because pilots, but technically bsg doesn’t owe me pilots (or dee/billy.......). so. it’s fine, i don’t have to like it. 

except then i gotta ask myself what was the point of colonial day? of home? of scar? it’s so strange because the conventional signs taken as a whole would lead one to believe that lee and kara are the main pairing. but when looking at some of these episodes it’s like pilots are an afterthought that gets brought back for pointless drama. black market stands on its own without pilots just fine, obviously. and scar doesn’t need pilots either, but lee is still asking “what about us?” and kara is yelling back “there is no us.” and damn like......at that point? im confused by lee’s question and agreeing with kara (not that she’s being totally sincere in that moment, but i only know that because i’ve watched ahead). im not agreeing with her because i want to! but because the narrative isn’t giving me enough to fill the gaps. that, and i don’t find [handwave] repression to make sense here at all with lee and kara’s history with each other. 

idk i find myself screaming at my laptop for the show to just pick one. pick a struggle bsg omg. your use of romance tropes is BEWILDERING who’s in charge of this im getting my time machine. 

yes i realize this is pointless griping because of unfinished business (and maelstrom most of all rendering this whole thing moot in the worst possible way fight me rdm you demon from the depths). 

*gathers my 5 children close to protect them from this narrative*

[nugnthopkns]

i know you get deja vu

word count: 1.4k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, cursing, it's mild angst up in this b

recommended listening: deja vu | olivia rodrigo

a/n: wrote this short little ditty while avoiding my adult responsibilities lmao. it is not great but i really like the premise, maybe one day i'll do something more with it

Your eyes have to be failing you.

There’s no way he showed up, let alone with another girl – who looks shockingly similar to you. She’s a more polished, more refined version of yourself, and anger bubbles in your stomach the moment you see him walk through the door with her in tow.

When your parents informed you they’d invited Pierre-Luc to your graduation party you shrugged it off. Their reasoning was he’d been a large part of your college experience, and it was sound enough logic. You stumbled across him in a coffee shop during your freshman year and quickly fell into a romance that lasted until a few months ago. The breakup was rather brutal, though your family doesn’t know that, so you didn’t expect him to stop by your parents’ house to congratulate you on completing your degree.

Much to your distaste he does make an appearance, with who you presume to be his new girlfriend. You don’t want to stare at the pair, but you can’t help it – they look good together, possibly better than you and Pierre did. However, you notice that the young woman has on a dress that’s identical to one hanging at the back of your closest. Pierre had bought it for you when you accompanied him to France one offseason, and the thought of him replicating the trip with her crosses your mind.

Finding it too much to be in the same room as him, you excuse yourself from a conversation with some of your father’s business partners and grab your sister by the elbow on the way into the sunroom.

“What’s the matter with you?” She grumbles, upset you pulled her away from a conversation with a boy she has a tiny crush on.

“He’s here,” you whisper shout, doing your best to inconspicuously point to the culprit of your dampened spirits.

“Who?”

“Luc.”

Her expression softens, and it’s clear she feels sorry for you. “Shit. I didn’t think he was actually going to show up.”

You let out a rather strangled laugh. “Me either, but he’s here and I don’t know what to do.”

The two of you stay tucked inside for a few more moments, deriving a plan that gets your ex-boyfriend off the premises as fast as possible without him seeing you. She heads outside first, making sure to grab one of your cousins who’s obsessed with hockey on her way. Together they make a beeline for Pierre, who is beyond excited to catch up with your family. You slip through the door and into a conversation with some fellow graduates in the back corner of the yard. It isn’t interesting, just about future plans, but it keeps you occupied. You’re careful to keep you back turned and your voice low – anything to keep your existence inconspicuous.

Your sister keeps Pierre-Luc busy, chatting to him about how the playoffs went and what his goals for the offseason are. A small crowd gathers around him, mostly just extended family members who haven’t seen him in a while, and he indulges their questions with a kind smile. You can tell your luck is running out, that he’s finally going to spot you in the crowd and rush over to say whatever he came here for. The fates are cruel, and at that moment your mother calls everyone into a circle for a toast.

“I want to thank you all for coming,” she says, pulling you to stand beside her. You can tell Pierre is looking at you, but you avert your eyes and look anywhere but him. Your mother continues talking. “We’re incredibly proud of our daughter for completing her degree, and we can’t wait to see what she does next. If you’re here, we appreciate the role you played in her success. To Y/N!”

Your name is chanted like a chorus, and your eyes meet Pierre’s as he raises his glass. The intensity of his stare makes you blush, and you bury your head into your father’s shoulder, playing it off as being overcome with emotion. More toasts ensue, including one where you thank everyone for their continued support, and then the cake is cut. You try to slip inside, praying that Pierre-Luc and his date will leave, but the devil himself grabs your elbows as you open the back door.

“Congratulations,” he says softly, accent thicker then the last time you heard his voice. You can’t lie to yourself – he looks good. The sunshine has done wonders for his skin, and the tattoos peeking out from his shirt sleeve look new.

“Thank you.”

You offer nothing more to the conversation, which clearly upsets him, but he doesn’t do anything other than knit his brows together. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to speak to him since the last time you did was the screaming match that ended your relationship. You go to make your exit, but the small girl hanging off Pierre’s side speaks.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she smiles. “I’m Maisie. Luc talks about you a lot.”

“Pardon?” You’re caught off guard. Why would he talk about you to his new girlfriend?

The man in question shifts uncomfortably, like he’s going to get caught in a lie. “Yeah, it’s so nice that you guys are still friends.”

There it is. Saying that you split amicably is probably the only way he could convince her to attend this stupid party in the first place. “Ah,” you sigh, “Well not everyone is afforded the same luxury.”

Against your better judgement, you compliment her dress. Maisie thanks you graciously, explaining that Pierre bought it for her and once he’s cleared to leave Columbus they’ll be taking a trip to France, with a pit-stop in Portugal because she’s never been. Your insides churn, but you manage to keep a glaringly fake smile plastered on your face. The conversation shifts, and you find out that she also studies English Literature and expects to graduate next year. You laugh off all the coincidences, but it’s obvious to you and Pierre-Luc that Maisie is a substitute for the person who came before her.

“Why don’t you go get us some drinks babe?” Pierre asks, and the girl skips away after reaching on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

You fiddle nervously with the hem of your dress, anxious to be alone with him. “It isn’t what it looks like,” he starts, but you cut him off.

“It’s exactly what it looks like Luc, and don’t you fucking dare say otherwise.”

He lets out a defeated sigh. “So what if it is? I think it’s glaringly obvious that I still love you.”

No shit you think, but you bite your tongue and say something more respectable. “I’d say so. She’s exactly like me, but hopefully she won’t mind being asked to put her whole life on hold.” There’s a bite to your tone that you can’t help, but it sets Pierre-Luc on edge.

“You can’t still be fucking on about that.”

You’re seeing red now, irate that he is still choosing to minimize your emotions. “I am! Because you asked me not to continue school, which is something I explicitly told you I wanted to do, just so I could be a more conventional NHL girlfriend. And then you broke up with me when I said I wouldn’t do it.” You inhale a deep breath before continuing. “I hope you have fun with Maisie in France. You should take her to that little café we went to, in Bordeaux, where we ate so much food we couldn’t walk back to the hotel. And I hope that every time she looks at you like you hang the moon, you remember that you’re recycling our entire relationship because you let it fall apart at the seams.”

Perhaps your emotions got the best of you, because the look on Pierre-Luc’s face is nothing short of shock. You’re taken aback too – your parents raised you better than to say hurtful things, but seeing him again brought up a myriad of things you hadn't yet dealt with. Without another word, you spin on your heel and head inside, slamming the door behind you. It shouldn’t upset you this much, after so many months, but for a reason you’re unwilling to admit to yourself it does.

You sit in the bay window of your childhood bedroom, wrapped in a blanket even though it’s the beginning of summer, and watch as Pierre-Luc presses a kiss to her forehead before thanking your parents for inviting him one last time. Just like him, every relationship you have for the rest of your life will be an attempt to replicate the love you had for Pierre – a never-ending circle of deja vu.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @samsteel @kiedhara @tortito @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @himbos-on-ice @2manytabsopen if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

[bookofmirth]

The english side of me REALLY jumped out with this one lol

Possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness are staples of the romance genre, especially when it comes to paranormal romances, so much so that it’s expected for people to overlook the problematic aspects of possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness because these concepts in the romance genre are meant to be viewed not only as hot and sexy, but indicators of love and showing that the person cares. Despite their tendency to fall in the yellow flag zone, these concepts are meant to further the romance itself. And when you begin to question these concepts as they appear in different romances, there’s almost always pushback with people saying the books are “just fiction”. But what happens when there’s evidence that shows why these three concepts aren’t always healthy or hot/sexy in a romantic pairing? What happens when the narrative is using these concepts to show how they can be detrimental to a character and those romantically associated with that character?

Possessiveness/Overprotectiveness

In romances, it’s always in the man’s nature to be possessive and overprotective. These two concepts are usually used to show that a character is protective of their partner and we see that happen with almost all of SJM’s endgame ships, but they’re almost always portrayed as good/healthy because of the equal partnership that is present in those relationships. Thinking about acotar, a relationship where possessiveness and overprotectiveness were depicted in a negative light was between Feyre and Tamlin. Their relationship was imbalance and Tamlin’s possessiveness/overprotectiveness of Feyre stood out in the barriers he placed on Feyre when they were together: not letting her leave the house/keeping her in the house; saying everything is for her “protection”; only letting her talk to Alis and Lucien/limiting her interactions with others; telling Lucien to back off from Feyre because Tamlin saw him as a threat and that she could fall for him instead; having Feyre be dependent on him by not teaching her how to fight/learn how to use her powers; controlling every aspect of Feyre’s life at the beginning of acomaf; among other things.

Males in acotar feel an intrinsic sense of entitlement to their mate and are described as being protective and possessive over their mates. When people say that A is exhibiting “mate behavior” towards E, obviously there is a positive connotation associated with that phrase because of how the males act around their mate. But the thing is A isn’t E’s mate. A’s possessiveness of E is treading on the waters of Tamlin-ville because: A speaks for E, which is oddly similar to what some of E’s stans do in fandom discussions (as if E herself reached out of the book to personally tell them things that no one else knows); he makes it known that E shouldn’t help with the Dread Trove, which is an example of A attempting to limit what E does; and he subtly expresses a sense of entitlement over E in the bonus chapter during his conversation with Rhys when he questions if the Cauldron was wrong in pairing E with Lucien. A’s “mate behavior” is completely different from Rhys and Cassian because Rhys and Cassian are canonically mated to Feyre and Nesta, which plays a role in how they act towards them. Also, neither of them attempt to limit what Feyre and Nesta do even if they worry about their safety. To say that A is exhibiting “mate behavior” towards E would have the same effect as saying Tamlin was exhibiting “mate behavior” towards Feyre. I think that the reason A’s actions towards E are described as mate-like is because thinking otherwise calls his actions into question. I assume some people aren’t ready for that conversation because he’s been portrayed as the sad bat boy in the fandom for so long that it’s probably hard for people to come to terms with this not being the case.

When people say A being overprotective of E is similar to Rhys and Cassian being overprotective of Feyre and Nesta, the comparison becomes incomparable because A is overprotective of E to the point where he goes against what E wants to do (E stating she wanted to help find the dread trove, a scene in which A was present and later A said E shouldn’t be exposed to its innate darkness), while Rhys and Cassian know Feyre and Nesta are capable of fending for themselves in dangerous situations. It’s just ironic that A’s overprotectiveness in this moment contradicts E’s “choice” of wanting to help, yet I don’t see that being mentioned in those “choice” arguments.

Jealousy

Jealousy in the romance genre is always meant to further the romance between the love interests and we see that happen with rowaelin and chaorene (and probably other SJM ships too). But when the jealousy and the romance are disconnected from each other, that’s meant to show something about the character who is jealous and what they’re jealous of. On the second page of the bonus chapter, it’s established that A is envious of Cassian and Rhys and that the reason he remained downstairs by the fire was so that he didn’t get swallowed up by his jealousy in his room. Then on the third page, it’s revealed that the reason he stayed by the door at Solstice was because “he couldn’t stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much”. There is a blatant reimagining happening with A’s bonus chapter to make it seem as though his jealousy is romantically coded when the jealousy has nothing to do with his relationship with E and more to do with him. This reimagining has to be a case of people seeing what they want to see because I highly doubt people are out here failing literature class.

The Romance Genre & SJM

A and E’s interaction in the bonus chapter is frequently compared to Wings and Embers. The only similarity between these two chapters is the sexual undertones, which is part of the reason why I think people compare them in the first place because everything else (the structure of the chapters, their contents, and the amount of characters involved in them) is different. I think people are hiding behind the sexual undertones of the bonus chapter in hopes that it somehow overshadows not only the oddness of A’s interaction with E, but the ending of the bonus chapter as well. And even more than that, A giving away the necklace is compared to Cassian tossing Nesta’s present in the Sidra. Since A is able to give the necklace away that should tell you about the significance of the necklace’s connection to E herself (if A can easily give it away to the next person on the street) whereas Cassian regifting Nesta’s present would probably be meaningless to someone else because it was Nesta specific.

We know that acotar is more romance heavy compared to tog and cc so I can see why people lean more on the conventions of the romance genre as a basis for their arguments. And this is fueled by SJM saying this new trilogy will have one couple per book. However, the downfall of these arguments is that oftentimes the plot, narrative structure of this new trilogy in particular, and individual character progressions are secondary or afterthoughts to the romance they support. These arguments lack any real substance because acotar has proved time and time again that both the romance AND the plot work in tandem, going against the broad strokes of the romance genre formula where the romance is primarily in the spotlight.

Basically, why do you think A’s possessiveness, jealousy, and overprotectiveness of E is romanticized? Why do you think A and E’s dynamic is constantly compared to feysand and nessian? And why do you think people take issue with A being compared to Tamlin?

I think that the reason A’s actions towards E are described as mate-like is because thinking otherwise calls his actions into question.

THIS

I hate the whole discussion of "mate behavior" because the series doesn't even explain that very well. Rhys can't explain why people are mated, if it's for reproduction or being "equals" (in what sense, who knows), the courts all handle acceptance/rejection differently, the consequences of rejection are unclear and make it seem like the woman is beholden to accept on pain of... causing someone else pain.

I agree 100% that people (maybe unconsciously) try to ascribe "mate behavior" to Azriel in order to excuse what would ordinarily be inexcusable. He doesn't have some magical thing making him act this way. Neither did Tamlin, and we know how people view his behavior. And that's another thing with "mate behavior" and the bond. Why would Tamlin and Feyre not be mates, if all it took were these extreme possessive and protective behaviors? Why aren't Az and Mor mates?

And it's not even about Elain! Az acts like this with Mor, and we know there isn't a mating bond there. Azriel has zero reason to behave the way that he does, not in the same way that the mating bond gives Rhys and Cassian an "excuse", flimsy as it is, for the way that they act around Nesta and Feyre. Even that excuse is crap, because we have Rhys out here leaving Feyre's abusive ex alone, and then we have Lucien doing the same with Graysen. The definition of "mate behavior" that some of the fandom is working with... is sus.

The fact is that no matter how "overprotective" and possessive Rhys and Cassian were, they never prevented Nesta or Feyre from doing what they wanted. They might have gotten their hackles up, but then they backed off. Rhys sent Feyre into the Weaver's cottage. Nesta went to war. There is a balance between caring deeply and passionately for these women, and recognizing them as individuals whose autonomy should be respected.

The jealousy is 100% not about Elain. It's not about Elain being with Lucien. It's not about Mor, because we know that it's not really about Mor sleeping with Helion. Azriel has 99 problems, and 98.5 of them are about his childhood and his loneliness. The other 0.5 problem comes in the shape of a snowball.

The only similarity between these two chapters is the sexual undertones

You know I haven't done a full blown comparison between these chapters, but I'd agree. The entire Wings and Embers short was about Nesta and Cassian. There were no other characters and they learned a great deal about one another. What did Elain and Az learn about one another as people in the first third of his POV? Nothing. There was no tension between them other than sexual. Cassian thought Nesta's name over and over, thought about her as a person and her personality and how she made him feel. Azriel literally only thinks about fucking Elain. There is nothing wrong with fucking, obviously, but that's not love. (Maybe I should fully compare them idk.)

It's when we look at everything he doesn't say in conjunction with how he treats Elain and Mor in other scenarios... that's troubling. People can misread our 😬 at his behavior all they want, but the fact is that Az didn't have a single kind, original thought about who Elain is. His POV gave us zero extra insight into who Elain is as a person, which is... startling, if we are supposed to think that they know one another so incredibly well and have such intense feelings for each other. Why would we not get additional insight into her character? We get a lot of insight into Az's character for sure. But following his POV, if he loves and knows this woman so well, we should feel that. We should know why he loves her, what he knows about her, we should... just get some more damn insight into her character, if we are in the POV of someone who supposedly knows her so well!!!!

You know it's funny though, because the Az and Elain interaction in his POV mirrors when Nesta imagined a threesome with Az and Cassian. Close, and potentially pretty hot, but it never really happened because then it would mess up sjm's plans for the future.

Okay now to your ACTUAL questions haha and not just my reactions to what you said.

I agree that romanticizing Azriel's behaviors is the better option for people who ship it because otherwise the alternative is to accept them for what they are, which is not about Elain at all. Az has an even longer history of being all "mate behavior" on Mor, but no one thinks that's odd? I think that some people pick and choose their evidence, which is a big reason why I keep shoving Mor into these conversations. If the "mate behavior" argument was genuine and had a solid foundation, then the people making these claims would still ship moriel.

The whole thing with Az and Tamlin comparisons.... oh boy. I think there is a lot there.

I think that people don't want to see Az as anything less than perfect sad boi that Elain can fix with her love.

I think that people have a difficult time seeing emotional abuse IRL, to the point where even people who experience it directly struggle to come to terms with it, so why would we willingly embrace its presence in fiction? It also flirts with a lot of the ideas you mentioned being present in a lot of romance, though I'd argue a lot of those elements are becoming passé.

I think that Tamlin is Fandom Enemy Number One while Azriel is Self-insert Book Boyfriend Number One, and maybe people don't know how to reconcile those things. (This is quite literally true, I checked AO3 for reader fanfics and compared numbers between the bat boys, Az/reader fics win by a landslide.)

There also seems to be a refusal to see or accept nuance. I'm not even talking about moral complexity because I don't think that either Tamlin or Az intend to behave the way they do. They aren't villains. It just reminds me of people who somehow don't think Nesta was absolutely horrible through much of the series, even though a huge focus of her arc in acosf was coming to terms with how she had treated people. Anyway...

People see "gwynriel shipper" or "elucien 💕" in a bio and just dismiss arguments before trying to understand them

People try to justify their actions of their faves, which I understand!

People don't understand how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how there doesn't have to be clear intention.

I still plan on pulling out evidence from the book about times when their behaviors mirror one another. But it's like I've said for months - Tamlin is a cautionary tale. I don't think Azriel will go that far, but the foundation is there. The fact that acotar/acomaf was so, so explicit about how Tamlin's behavior was not okay, and yet people can see that same behavior in another character one book later and want to try to excuse it... sigh. Way to miss the point, fandom.

[agent-cupcake]

You know, you've written a lot of your thoughts/hcs/etc on how various characters would behave as yanderes and so on, but I've never seen you talk about yandere readers before and I feel like that's an interesting subject to consider? Especially for 3H - you have a treasure trove of damaged boys to attract obsessiveness from girls who are convinced they are the ONLY one for them and it's their duty to drive away competition/threats/anyone they want.

Okay it's time to be toxic. I’m not going to go for all the guys, just the ones who immediately came to mind.

Dimitri: I joke quite often that I would be yandere for Dimitri. It all started when I brought up killing the girl he danced with at the White Heron Ball and quite frankly it's only spiraled from there because doesn't the Savior King Dimitri deserve to be adored and worshipped? Doesn't he deserve someone who wants the best for him and only him? Doesn’t it only make sense for him to be with someone who understands his mental issues and is willing to offer him unconditional support and patience? Doesn't he need someone with unwavering loyalty who will do anything no matter what the cost for his sake? It'd be so easy too because he's super dependent, desperate for affection, and clueless so if you just nourish those traits and constantly downplay his discomfort/suspicion of you driving away anybody who you feel is a threat by saying that this is how relationships just are, that it's just because you love him so much, that you're just looking out for him, what's he gonna do? It's not like he'd have any solid basis for knowing how relationships are supposed to be. Besides if he gets too upset you can threaten to leave him just like his mother did, I'm sure that would work to get him back in your arms (where he belongs). Yeah, that’s a little fucked up but it would be so much worse for both of you in the long run if you were apart. Being too aggressive or overt about your obsession would definitely make Dimitri wise up so it'd be better to go with love bombing. This would be good because it really lets you prove your devotion to Dimitri and makes it easier for him to just laugh off and excuse your disturbingly possessive behavior. His friends would be potentially problematic, but they're not always around and Dimitri's private enough that he probably wouldn't volunteer information about you to them. If you told him that it made you very upset and uncomfortable when he was friendly with the girls from his class, he’d most likely stop for your sake. Bonus round, have his babies. What is he going to do, abandon the mother of his children? Dimitri?!? No way. Of course he wouldn’t do anything to risk breaking his family, but neither would you! After all, this is all because you know Dimitri better than anyone which means that only you can love him.

Sylvain: Sylvain being manipulative and cheating on you after you try and prove your love to him through conventional means causing you to snap and kill hurt the girls, throw his lies back in his face, and prove that you're the only girl for him by preying on his emotional trauma with women is really something to consider. Why try to resolve toxic situations with love, compassion, and open communication when you can use blood and abuse to keep him with you? Play the part, be snarky, witty, flirty, be super hot and cold to keep him intrigued, give him the best fuck he's ever had, really show him that you don't care about his Crest, you just want to love possess him. Maybe even do the whole "I don't care who you're with, we both know you belong to me" to really engage him in those super fun mind games. Make everyone else acknowledge that you're the perfect girl for him, get them all to vilify him for continuing to be such a womanizer and breaking your heart. But, like, why stop there? Encourage him to retaliate, to be mad at you. Tease him for being so disgusted and angry at you when all you want, all you've ever wanted, was for your hearts to beat as one and then later act confused because of course you wouldn’t make light of his feelings like that, that’s horrible. All you want, all you’ve ever wanted, was for him to acknowledge that your adoration for him is true. Really break him until he gives you the whole “I’ll let you chain me up so I never even look at another girl” schtick. This might seem awful, but so is he! Reform can be difficult and if he’s going to be happy, he has to be made to understand why his behavior was so bad and the consequences of it. Because it’s not like you’d act like this if you had any other choice, it’s not like you’d continue once the two of you were truly together, of course you wouldn’t treat him so cruelly once he vowed himself to you and only you. And, really, I think it’d be a lot easier once he understood that and you got to prove your love to him through raw, unadulterated affection. Spend every day adding onto the list of why you love your Sylvain. 

Claude: Claude being more than aware of the ole' saying "don't stick your dick in crazy" and then doing it anyway because he has a proclivity for the fiery, forbidden, and oh-so temping call of danger would be the perfect set up for a very bad predicament. You’d have to play some mind games to really convince him that he’s the one seeking you out, he’s the one who’s got it bad, he’s the one who wants to have you. In other words, you’d have to give him a challenge. But, you know, if it’s a game, you’d have to play back because you’re doing this for him, because you love him, because you want him to realize that he loves you, too (Uno reverse Claude’s yandere behaviors, basically) so obviously you’d have to eliminate any obstacles and taking out anybody who could be a potential threat. Get him to open up about his dreams, his past, his feelings. As it goes with basically all of these affection-starved men, make him feel loved for who he is. You know, if you were really good, you could probably even get him to give up on everything else for your sake. I mean, I loathe the ending but he does that for Lysithea. Pull a Tangled on Claude and make him believe that you’re his new dream as he mostly certainly is yours.

Felix: Sweet Felix. So oblivious but so difficult. A man who would provide the ultimate and most dangerous yan rival of them all: the thrill of the fight. In a lot of ways, I think he’d be like Dimitri. Mostly just because he’s so dense when it comes to love of any kind. But he’s also not as emotionally desperate or dependent so you wouldn’t really be able to use that against him. The similarities come from Felix’s equal amount of inexperience with romance which opens up a lot of possibilities for you convincing him that certain behaviors are normal. You can even bring up how his cold emotional state (something I believe he’s insecure about) is what forces you to be so overbearing, how badly it hurts you.  You don’t necessarily mean to be so cloying but you’re so afraid of losing someone else you love so much (another insecurity of his). After all, there is nobody in the entire world who is like him, Felix Hugo Fraldarius, (three for three with his insecurities) and how irreplaceable and precious he is to you. These examples are kind of “soft” when it comes to using his insecurities against him, but you could go further with them assuming you were sure that it wouldn’t drive him away. Not knowing and having to work on assumption would always be a pretty big reason to control yourself in how you went about manipulating him because Felix is stubborn and prideful and pushing him too far would only hurt the both of you. It’s actually kind of funny because as opposed to the traditional yan mindset, it would be in your best interest to get Felix to form relationship bonds with others (but definitely not any of the girls he’s so popular with) because that would be a bargaining chip when convincing him to stay with you.

Ferdinand von Aegir: Ferdinand is, honestly, so easy for this. Like, I feel as if I don’t even need to talk about the details. You show him some affection and he’s yours. Bury him in love and praise. Tell him that it makes you unhappy when he talks to other girls or prioritizes his work over you and then reward him with boundless warmth and devotion because of course he would bend over backwards to make you happy. He just wants to be needed and treasured, to love and be loved. He’s already got the poetry and the ring and of course he wouldn’t mind getting married right away it’s true love, why would you wait?

Yuri: Yuribird is the forbidden darling. You’d need to be running on 100% love because he’d sniff out and ditch you at even the smallest whiff of deliberate obsession. But you know what he wants? More-so than the other guys, in some ways. He wants to be known and loved for who he is. In the face of genuine affection, he doesn’t stand a chance. Still, you’d have to be measured about this stuff. If you were jealous and got rid of your rivals yourself, Yuri would be disgusted and leave you. And you can’t hide that sort of thing from him, either. You’d have to go all in on the manipulation but only in the most honest way possible, that’s the only way past his defenses. Get him to prioritize your feelings first so he feels guilty talking to people or acting in ways that upset you. Reward him for putting you above everyone else. Constantly remind him that you’re the only one who knows and understands him, who loves him for who he is. Get him so emotionally fucked that even if his big brain logic is telling him that you’re toxic and horrible, he can’t stand the thought of being without you. He’d give up crime, it’s not like he even particularly likes it. Set up the perfect life for him, something domestic and sweet and warm, something he’s never had worries he doesn’t deserve, something that keeps him away from others. The goddess only knows how much he deserves a happy dream for once, and you’re the only one who can understand and provide that for him.

[babsvibes]

BTS + once more with peeling!

Once More With Peeling

Behind the scenes under the cut!

Was really proud of this title. We’ve got the food pun, we’ve got this time element with “once more” that ties it to Maybe In Thyme, and my favorite bit is that “once more with feeling” is usually said in a theatrical sense, right? “Read the line again but this time give it a little more oomph, hm?” And in the beginning Zeke is trying to stick to a schedule, a script, rehearsing things in his head. What finally works for him is when he lets go of the lines, tries again, and speaks from the heart with feeling. But genuine feeling. Idk, it’s fun lol

Sliding a barber's comb through tangle-free hair, Zeke brushed at the stray curl that refused to tame. He tsk-d and tapped at its reflection on the mirror in front of him.

This intro with cousin Laurie was actually written probably, mmmm, a year and half before it was posted? This was supposed to be a prequel to Maybe In Thyme with Tina and Zeke still in high school called Achey Bakey Heart. I ended up scrapping the idea (obviously) but reused a lot of scenes from it in this piece.

“If you’re done doin’ a Help in there, I need the shitter real-real bad.”

If this sounds like natural US Southern dialect to you, it’s because it is lol. If it doesn’t, we’re from different parts of the South. My favorite part of this fic was writing how I actually talk in the bar after a few too many shots.

Zeke turned, almost shy knowing his secret spot had been found out, and saw his dad at the edge of the room.

Originally, I was going to include a piece in here about how him and his dad had a rocky relationship because of the canon hints that Zeke’s not had an easy or “conventional” childhood. I thought it ended up distracting too much from the piece. Still don’t know if I actually think Zeke and his dad would get along at this stage in his life, but eh that’s a thinker for another day.

“Heyyy listeners, thanks again for tuning in on this lovely Spring-a-ding-ding day!” Zeke groaned at the cheery host’s terrible pun. “That’s right, it’s spring. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and love is in the air!”

It was also supposed to be Valentine’s Day, so it was extra annoying that the radio DJ would play “When a Man Loves a Woman.” Not sure why I shied away from Valentine’s Day? Probably I couldn’t logically piece together in my head how Bob and Linda’s vacation timeline would correlate with Tina and Zeke’s date.

“What?” Tina asked, peering down at her clothes. “Does it not look good on me?”

“No no, I like it! A lot! Seriously, it accentuates your-” Zeke abruptly stopped digging his own grave when he noticed the slight tug at the corners of her mouth. His shoulders fell and, with a matching but much bigger grin, he rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “Aw hell, you’re just yanking my chain.”

I don’t think enough people utilize how sneaky savage Tina can be lol. She’s monotone, but she likes to tease too, man.

“Have I ever told you how much I love your hugs?” Tina snuggled impossibly deeper. “They’re so… comfy.”

The main ideas I try to think about while writing zekina are comfort, soft romance, and easy smiles. Plus, the best part of a big guy is the hugs, and I think Tina would really dig that.

“Once More, With Peeling Burger. Comes with apple peel chips,” Zeke read aloud.

I still don’t know if the chips were supposed to be on the burger or on the side.

“Zeke, no, we’re supposed to be on a date.”

“You act like that’s going to stop me from coming around and putting on an apron.”

This is the most romantic line in the whole piece. Nope. Don’t care about my heavy-handed sappy dialogue towards the end. THIS is what romance is. A confident, joyous, and supportive team taking on the world together.

The one time he tried having a conversation with the kitchen equipment, Bob had been swift to correct him on their accents. Zeke just didn’t have the pitch.

People seemed to really like this part, which is awesome. I kinda get it? But also… I liked other jokes better lol

“It won’t be hard.” Tina shrugged. “They’re all lesbians.”

Unless specified otherwise, every side character I write is some flavor of queer

“JEEsus!” Zeke yelped and both the peeler and apple flew from his hands. “You got a permit for those sneaky feet?”

“It’s the shoes, remember? I switched from my stompers.”

This was a line that was supposed to tie this universe to Ketchup and Fries. Idk if the timelines aaaactually work out, but yeah this, K&F, and Maybe in Thyme (obviously) are supposed to be the same universe.

Her fingers unfurled slowly but with purpose as she held her palm against his. For as light as the touch was, Zeke felt every shock of movement. The nerves came alive with the gentle graze of her skin against his calloused hands, the same hands he was so sure would never be able to feel anything this soft again. Hard labor had a way of stealing simple joys, but Tina was always something of a miracle worker—at least to him. As though a bubble settled around them, the rest of the world melted away from focus. Only Tina, his hand, and the growing tension remained. His thumb twitched under the pressure, and she stilled her exploration, waiting. He took the opportunity to feel for himself, letting his fingers curl around hers.

Getting me to write anything that isn’t dialogue is like pulling teeth, but I thought “what could possibly be more soft, more classic, more romantic than some intimate handholding” and thus I put on my big girl panties and tried a bit of prose.

They learned to cherish the quiet moments of the in between, and Zeke peeked out of the corner of his eye to catch Tina cleaning the prep station. He smiled to himself. Thanks to their easy back and forth, interrupted only by chiming from the patrons requesting service or loudly retelling an adventure about their dearly departed, time flew with the orders.

I reread this and can tell that I thought this was too fast of a transition but was too tired of looking at it to slow down lmao

“Don’t be cranky, Martha,” another woman next to her said. “Just because you can’t unlock your computer without calling your granddaughter doesn’t mean it's the devil.”

I am Martha. Martha is me. We are Martha.

“Sometimes… sometimes, I think you’re thinking about someone who would be… less difficult.”

Mmmm I don’t feel like I got into this idea enough on WHY Tina would feel like this. On one hand, most everyone has an innate insecurity that loving them is hard and not worth it (thus it’s super sexy to be told uhhh nope that is not the case). On the other hand, Tina’s a confident young woman that isn’t afraid of going after what she wants. The behind the scenes part is that Tina wanted to wait until they were both settled to start a romance. In my universes, she had the full college experience and knows that what she wants from Zeke is much more serious than a fling. She wants it to be real. There needs to be a sense of security from both parties before that dream can be realized.

With a mouthful of cinnamon sugar and apple, they let the day’s mess that still surrounded them wait as she regaled him with tales about their customers and all the little mishaps in between.

I liked this line. I think I need to get more into the sense of taste when I write.

The CD, with its nearly faded sharpie scribbling on full display, didn’t mock him. If he had to guess, maybe it was also just waiting for this years-long mission to come to a close.

Mix tapes. Again, classic romance and, again, tying us to Maybe in Thyme. More about this in a sec lol

Zeke cut her off by tossing her keys to her. She “ahh-d” and ducked, letting the keys hit the glass in an unfortunate clanking but nothing was broken, so it counted as a win. Tina swiped her keys from the ground and said her thanks before taking off once again. What a woman, he thought.

This is so funny in my head. Have y’all seen Letterkenny? There’s one Wayne line that goes “I thought it was pretty funny when I said Florida State seminal vesicles and nobody laughed.”

“You got me all types of twitterpated, you know that?”

I feel like Louise here, wanting to gag at the sappy scene, BUT this line was pretty fun to write I’ll admit lol. My sister nearly cried I think when she hit that, so success!

And finally, the CD playlist! Ever since the Mono episode, I associate Tina romance with like 80s music. The playlist itself changed a couple hundred times because, even though they inspired ME while writing, they weren’t exactly the most romantic songs. The only one I refused to budge on was She’s a Beauty, despite it literally being about sex work. So I did a little finagling and called it out in universe so I could keep it. That’s my secret if I want to do something even though it doesn’t actually work. Just get a little meta with it, let your character make a mistake, and go for it.

Wow I had more to say about this than I thought! Hope you enjoyed this long ass behind the scenes on Once More with Peeling!

[dangermousie]

2020 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

You can find my 2020 cdrama post here: dangermousie.tumblr.com/post/638449659546845184/2020-end-of-year-post-cdrama-edition

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2020; if it originally aired another year, it’s not on this list.

It’s been a pretty lackluster kdrama year. There are probably only 5 kdramas I truly loved and only three of them I was really obsessed over. Better luck in 2021!

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

42 Born Again - so bad, so incoherent, so insane, I have no idea why the leads signed up for it (and unlike some of the other watchers, I think it was awful from the very start.) There is literally nothing about this drama that makes sense.

41 Love with Flaws - a bunch of people who should be tried under the Geneva Convention.

40 Sweet Munchies - Jung Il Woo proves his inability to pick a functional script.

39 Meow the Secret Boy - if you ever wanted to bang a cat, this drama is for you. Not being a furry, however...

38 Do Do Sol Sol La Sol - I lost braincells just typing out this title.

37 When I Was the Most Beautiful - the only way it’s not the dumbest, most pointless melo of 2020 is because Born Again considerately came out the same year.

36 Woman of 9.9 Billion - if you want to watch an artsy French movie about miserable people, but only badly made, boy do I have a drama for you.

35 Lies after Lies - screams after screams.

34 Backstreet Rookie - people were up in arms about various problematic plots. I am a survivor of many plots much more problematic but even I couldn’t survive how utterly boring and annoying this drama was and how utterly irritating the leads were. This has taken Ji Chang Wook off my top favorites into “should I even check his latest Lovestruck in the City? Probably not” territory almost single-handedly (Melt Me helped, to be fair.)

33 Men Are Men - boring is boring.

32 Dinner Mate - two beautiful boring people eat out a lot.

31 Was It Love - no it wasn’t.

30 Alice - Joo Won in the shower can make up for a multitude of sins but not plot nonsense of such magnitude. When you find yourself thinking it would be better if he hooked up with the alternate universe version of his mother because at least then something entertaining would happen, you know it’s bad.

29 More than Friends - started out OK, then made me hate basically everyone and kept going.

28 Start-Up - honestly, it’s probably more decent than its place here, but the toxic and batshit fandom for it (the worst this year) made me feel like breaking out in hives any time it’s even mentioned.

27 The Spies who Loved Me - how to take a good cast and waste it.

26 Private Lives - it was good but it never took off with its concept and spent more time on the incoherent plot than the OTP which was its one strength. It’s a decent drama but coming after Heartless City and My Beautiful Bride from the same writer, it’s a disappointment.

25 Record of Youth - as high as it is due to Park Bo Gum hard carrying this entire awful drama on his shoulders and doing it so well I finished it. Alas, while he is in one drama (and that drama is great), the rest of the characters and the entirety of the script are a pointless useless mess.

24 Do You Like Brahms - excellent first third, mediocre middle, and terrible last third. I don’t know what musical term applies to this? Diminuendo, I think.

23 I’ll Go to You When the Weather is Nice - nice and mellow but nothing much happens.

22 Forest - mainly for Park Hae Jin’s excellent and frequently naked bod.

21 The Ballot - I didn’t love it as much as everyone did but it was well-made.

20 Hyena - more romance and less weird law stuff would make it better.

19 365 Repeat the Year - surprisingly solid.

18 The Game Towards Zero - see 365.

17 When My Love Blooms - very old fashioned, very lovely.

16 Chocolate - also very old fashioned and very lovely but also with Yoon Kye Sang performing medical procedures bleeding and shirtless. MMM.

15 (tie) Secret Royal Inspector - a fun if run of the mill sageuk.

15 Find Me In Your Memory - best melo this year.

14 Mystic Pop Up Bar - surprisingly good even though I wasn’t planning to check it out.

13 Where Your Eyes Linger - came out of nowhere but was tender and hopeful and lovely.

12 Itaewon Class - Park Seo Joon hard carries a drama that is already excellent. Love it.

11 Psychopath Diary - Yoon Shi Yoon is such a treat in a hilarious, cynical, dark comedy.

10 Kairos - more like ouroboros.

9 Queen Love and War - in a year where sageuks are very rare, this was solid and surprisingly moving and shippy.

8 The King Eternal Monarch - people didn’t like it but I did. It’s no masterpiece and both the leads and the writers have better dramas, but it was a lovely romantic fairy tale for me.

7 Mr. Queen - sharp, hilarious, and some of my favorite actors.

6 Psycho But It’s OK - healing, sharp cinematography and even sharper chemistry.

5 Crash Landing on You - the last ep pissed me off so much this drama is dead to me but I loved it so much until then I can’t place it lower in good conscience.

4 Train - who knew I would go this hard for an OCN drama or that OCN would do romance so well? But this time-travel mystery romance is just incredible and I shipped the OTP and rooted for the characters and loved every last bit of it.

3 Run On - this is the drama Record of Youth wanted to be but failed. Smart and lived in, you feel like you are peeking at real people, but also even four episodes in, I am so invested in the main characters separately and together, and care for them so much, it’s a little frightening.

1 (tie) Tale of the Nine Tailed - my perfect fantasy romance. I liked it better than Goblin, yeah I said it.

1 Flower of Evil - all the tropes I love in one incredible package. I would rewatch episodes waiting for new ones trying to puzzle the story and to stay withdrawal but it works just as well on rewatch. Lee Jun Ki brings his trademark tortured intensity and for once, both his leading lady and his script back him up and are worthy of that. It’s perfect.

FAVORITE DRAMA

It’s a tie between Tale of the Nine Tailed and Flower of Evil but if I had to pick just one, FoE, because it had me seriously obsessed and guessing about the protagonist and gave me the narrative tropes I love so much and an OTP that statisfied all my hurt/comfort kinks and then some.

WORST DRAMA

Born Again - honestly, this is so bonkers it almost becomes good but alas...

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Hyun Soo/Baek Hee Sung, Flower of Evil - he is so messed up, so on edge, so traumatized. Yet capable of so much warmth and caring even as he himself doesn’t realize his humanity. FoE is basically a story of a man pushed and punished by the world for his entire life who, because of one woman, finds a safe place and peace and slowly comes to life without realizing it, and watching his desperation to keep this small bit of normalcy is so heartbreaking and exciting all at once. Plus, you start the drama thinking he’s a psychopathic serial killer and end it (if you are me) thinking he must be protected at all costs and if anyone even looks at him wrong they must suffer, and that’s quite a change!

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Nam Ji Ah, Tale of the Nine Tailed - she is so funny and tough and smart and loving and amazing that I will totally buy that a literal demi-god will do anything and everything for her and love her for literal eternity.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Dad in Record of Youth - yes in a year with serial killers and supernatural demons, I picked a normal character from a mediocre drama. It’s his everyday awfulness to his family that hits so hard and I am sad he never got his comeuppance.

FAVORITE SHIP

Ji Ah x Yeon - a fearless reporter and an immortal demi-god who’s been hoping for his human beloved to reincarnate. A really rare set-up where the OTP is equally ride or die, so compatible and completely BAMF. I got why he waited for her for that long and then fell in love with her all over again. Perfection.

Runner up: Flower of Evil - he is so messed up he literally does not believe he is capable of love or empathy, but he falls in love with her anyway and so utterly she permeates his entire life. She is tough as nails and only believes what she sees and is the sole person who believes in him against the world. She loves him but he needs her. She needs him but he loves her. They are amazing.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Seo Dan x Gu Seung Jun, Crash Landing on You, North Korean x Conman were so good I shipped them harder than the main OTP and the end of that storyline pissed me off so much I dumped the drama and didn’t finish it for months (and it’s still dead to me.)

NOTP

Record of Youth - it started out and they didn’t have much chemistry but the dialogues were interesting and I thought the chemistry would grow. It didn’t and deteriorated, their dialogues became boring and relationship had zero development (about as much as the supposed female lead.) I think we were supposed to feel bad they broke up and they were going for a bittersweet open ending, instead I found myself happy about the break up of two incompatible, chemistry-less people and hoping for the love of God they never get back together.

FAVORITE SCENE

Yeon and the bridge of knives, Tale of the Nine Tailed - Yeon choosing to undergo the creeptastic bridge of knives for a chance to save Ji Ah, who at that point he is not aware is the reincarnation of his Joseon love because, as he says, he doesn’t care if she is or isn’t, it just would be more horrible to have her die than to undergo the horrific torture he is undergoing, and then the sequence with his catching her, her weeping over him and the fact that she is the original Joseon girl revealed and all the bandaging and his watching her sleep and all that loveliness, is everything for yours truly.

Runner up: Hyun Soo having that break-down at the cliff at the end of ep 15 of Flower of Evil as Ji Won desperately tries to convince him she is alive and he finally stumbles to her.

Runner runner up (it’s my list, I will do what I want): Do Won preparing to blow his brains out to give a chance to Seo Kyung to live in Train.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Seon-Gyeom, Run On. Yeah, I know. Im Siwan is tiny, delicate featured and has a runner’s build, none of which are things that normally appeal to me. But his character is so odd, so honest, so unflinching in pursuing what he thinks is right, so incapable of self-pity despite plenty of reasons for it, and so ridiculously attractive when he smiles, I don’t even care.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Kim Bum, TotNT - I started out being annoyed by him and ended up looking forward to his scenes and being distraught by his ending.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Honestly, none. I was fine with all the endings. I wouldn’t mind seeing post-end life of Tale of the Nine Tailed characters or the OTP settling into their literal new world in Train, but I am good.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Time jump that solves all the problems off screen or alternatively years pass and everyone is frozen - something that kdramas need to learn and need to learn badly. See Record of Youth, Brahms and Start Up.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Men who are ride or die for their OTP - this was a great year for this - the male leads of four of my five dramas were beyond anything on that scale (only exception is Run On because it’s still too early to tell there.) Yes PLEASE.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

This was a banner year for that what with Start Up, Do You Like Brahms, Record of Youth, and Private Lives all starting out well and nosediving off the cliff but winner is Crash Landing on You. I loved it so much for bulk of its run but the last episode pissed me off so much I deleted all my files and called it a day.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

Flower of Evil - I had no expectations of this drama and wasn’t even planning on watching it despite liking both the lead actors because yet another “look at evil serial killer be evil” drama with no romance was not my thing. Luckily someone convinced me there might be some romance and I peeked curiously. Honestly, their promo campaign was the most misleading and dumbest thing ever.

Runner up Psycho but it’s OK - I have never liked Kim Soo Hyun in anything before and the drama premise seemed WTF but it was shockingly good and KSH totally blew me away.

Hardest Working Lead

Yoon Shi Yoon - he starred in two (!!!) dramas in 2020 playing three characters and not only were both these dramas awesome in a lackluster year, but if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it was the same actor and the fact that the characters shared a face, I would have never believed that they were played by the same actor. So good!

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

My Beautiful Bride and Deserving of the Name - I was obsessed with both of them and honestly, they were much better than the bulk of 2020 kdramas I watched.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

The Moon That Rises in the Day, Hong Chun Gi, Joseon Exorcist, Island,  Frightening Cohabitation, Snowdrop.

[joontier]

Subliminal in Scrubs | V1;  report viii

pairings: dr. jeon jungkook x female reader

chapter rating: NC-17 | genre: humor, romance

warnings: someone will be leaving...temporarily....

word count: 2.3k

g/n: sorry for posting this late sdfasdfa

[taglist]: @nottodayjjk @ditttiii @zeharilisharaban @btsbunny07 @turquoiseandplaidinautumn @aamxxrii @codeinebelle​

Subliminal in Scrubs (the records) |  navi. | m.list

There’s a knock on your door, one you instantly recognize as it’s a catchy beat you exclusively share with one person alone: Ayoung. “Mind if I came over?” she asks from the other side of the door. You roll your eyes, chuckling as you walk to your doorway, “I don’t even know why you even bother asking, honestly!” 

“Unlawful entry happens when a private person enters the property of another without consent from the owner. The same shall be punished by…” 

Ayoung pauses her sentence midway as you open the door. “And does that count when said owner had long given such private person the passcode to her door, Attorney Shin Ayoung?” 

It’s Ayoung who fondly rolls her eyes this time. She raises her hands, fingers turning white as she clutches onto two bags full of food. Your face lights up at the sight.  Whoever said that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach was severely mistaken - that, or he or she hadn’t taken a woman’s true source of wellbeing into consideration.

“What’s on our menu today?” 

“Oh you know our go-to review food. Seori halmeoni’s jjajjangmyeon house special!” Your mouth falls agape, astounded at how she even managed to get those when halmeoni’s special dish always sold out in the middle of the day. 

“Please don’t tell you lined up for hours for these...” 

“What if I told you I didn’t have to?” Ayoung winks while she takes her shoes off.  You grab the food from her hands and start setting the table. “What do you mean you didn’t have to?” She chuckles at your creased forehead, knowing you’re talking about the minimum one-hour waiting time of halmeoni’s stall - and that’s on off-peak hours.

“I think the landlady might’ve mentioned me moving to a new apartment, so when I was coming home from school today, she called me over to her stall and handed me these care packages.” 

“Awh, that’s so sweet of her!” Your chest warms at the thought and the reminder that your lovely neighbor was going to move away. Not to mention Chohee has similar plans too. 

Ayoung lets Netflix pick out a random movie, adjusting the lighting of your room enough for you to eat your dinner while watching. “Right, speaking of, won’t the hospitals be sending out acceptances for your post-graduate internship?” 

Pushing your laptop to Ayoung’s side of the table, you show her the screen of your mail - the same page you have been refreshing for hours now. “Well, let’s just hope for the best then, shall we?” 

Forty-five minutes into Miss Congeniality, a notification from your mail app lights up your phone screen. You see the header display that it’s from Woocheon, and it’s as if your heart drops to the ground, and your fingers are simply glued to the side of your phone, leaving you staring at it until the screen turns black again. 

Ayoung notices your silence and pauses the movie. “You okay?” the sweet girl places a comforting hand on your shoulder, shaking you gently to wake you from your trance. Gulping, you look at her expectantly. “It’s an email from Woocheon.” Her eyes widen along with yours. “Well, aren’t you going to open it?” 

“What if I didn’t make it?” 

“Unnie, you wouldn’t know unless you do.” 

With one eye closed, you turn to your laptop and click on the new mail. “Besides, they’d be a fool if they didn't accept the application of the same woman who topped the exam now, wouldn’t they?”

Just then, Chohee’s caller ID lights up your phone. 

“_____________!!!!!!!!!” Your best friend’s voice rings in your ears, your barely comprehensible name loud and clear with Chohee’s shrieking.

“I’m already positive you got accepted to Woocheon because I had this gut feeling and you know my gut never lied to me - plus I had it confirmed by a fortune teller…” Chohee starts, then takes a breather, “BUT guess what? I also made it to Daegu Medical Center!! GAH _________ I’m literally crying right now!!” 

“I’m so proud of you Chee, I really am,” your voice wavers, and you bite on your lip to keep yourself from pouring out all your feelings. “Don’t go me emotional right now, young woman! I’ve got makeup on, and my parents and I are going out to dinner, and I can’t ruin my cute outfit with tear-stained cheeks now, can I?” 

Typical Chohee. You smile. “Of course, Chee. I know. We’re gonna be actual doctors! You go ahead and enjoy your family time. Young-ie has come over with jjajjangmyeon.” 

“It’s jjajjang-night and none of you even bothered to send me an invite?! So much for our so-called friendship huh!” 

“Well, if you’re willing to drive three hours all the way from Daegu after you have dinner with your parents, you’re free to come. Otherwise, we’ll have to finish halmeoni’s recipe all by ourselves.” 

Chohee sighs from the other end of the line, while Ayoung watches your conversation with your best friend with the fondest of smiles. Chohee doesn’t stay long after that, declaring that she has to go. As soon as you put down your phone, Ayoung asks about your best friend, “If you don’t mind me asking, why did she choose Daegu Medical Center? I thought Woocheon was like the most sought after hospital for internships?” 

“Actually, DMC is being managed by Woocheon too. If I’m not mistaken, it’s also equally as hard to enter Woocheon. Plus her parents work there too, so DMC was the only hospital for her.” Ayoung nods her head in acknowledgment, then presses a button on the remote to continue the movie when an unknown number sends you a text.

Out of all people, you weren’t expecting Soomin to send you a text. You’d been meaning to hear from her so you excitedly send her a text back. 

Just the same as the last time you went here with Chohee, the tiny bell dings when you open the door to the cafe. Soomin instantly hears the sound and waves you over to her table. As you near, she rises from her seat with a big smile on her face. 

“________! Long time no see!” she exclaims, extending a hand outward to offer you the seat across hers. 

“Soomin! It’s been some time, hasn’t it? Would you believe it’s been months since we were reviewing our notes under strobe lights and loud music? Out of all the places to review though!” you laugh, setting your bag down. While Soomin goes through the menu, you take the opportunity to look for Jimin if he was around so you could introduce them to each other too. After all, there’s no harm casually meeting your workmates before meeting them formally as coworkers right? 

“You know, I was really looking forward to this day - especially when you had invited me to this lovely place for brunch…” A smile graces Soomin’s youthful features. “I actually know someone who world here...I’m not exactly sure if he’s working today though…” Once more, you glance over Soomin’s shoulders, hoping you’ll catch a glimpse of Jimin’s golden locks. Ah, yes. Speaking of goldilocks. 

“Wow! Just in time.... He’s actually here today! Jimin!” Your calling his name surprises him, immediately causing him to look for the source of the voice. He’s sporting a wide grin when he recognizes you from the counter, until he sees who you’re with then diverts his attention somewhere and walks away quickly. 

Absolutely taken aback by his reaction, you sit there for a moment with your mouth agape until Soomin clears her throat discreetly. “Um...o-okaayy, that was awfully strange...I’m sorry - he’s not usually like that.” You discreetly hide the disappointment in your voice, wondering if Jimin just literally pretended to not see you when you had even waved him over. 

“Oh really?” 

“Yeah...um...I’ll try to approach him later…” 

“Perhaps he’s uncomfortable meeting strangers?” 

Highly unlikely. Not when Jimin had no problem interacting with the other oath takers that he managed to get the whole group and your families away from the maze they called the convention center. Plus, he’s really good with the customers too who generously fill up the tip box after experiencing Jimin’s exemplary customer service. Jimin’s ability to handle social interactions is out of the question. 

“This Jimin guy,” Soomin starts, pointing a thumb towards the till, “how did you get to know him?” 

You pause for a moment, recalling your memories. “Honestly, I just realized it now, but I actually met him the same night I met you. He was in the same club we were dragged into, and when you convinced me to approach the cute guy at the bar, he actually saved me from a spiked drink - from the dude I was supposed to hit on. The next time I met Jimin was when Chohee and I went here for brunch too and we saw him working here, so I guess that’s how we all came to be friends…” Jimin’s cold-shoulder just moments ago appears in your thoughts. “....I guess...at least that’s what I thought.” 

You figure this apparent ‘friendship’ with Jimin wasn’t exactly as real as you thought it was.

It’s all the more surprising that Soomin seems to be the least interested in your meeting, or, that she already knew who Jimin was. She was simply nodding her head as you talked, occasionally sneaking a few glances at Jimin while he was serving orders to the other customers. 

You start patching things up, trying to put two and two together to see if it would all make sense. No way. Could it be? That these two had history? 

Just then, Soomin stands to excuse herself and heads over to the toilet. The moment she disappears from your sight, you hastily call Jimin over. “Are you okay? Was there a reason why you couldn’t come over earlier? I wanted to introduce two of my friends to each other, but one doesn’t seem to be so willing....” You cross your arms over your chest, murmuring your hurt feelings loud enough for Jimin to hear. 

“I’m sorry, ________. But your ‘friend’....she’s not really just someone uh…” 

“Was she your ex-girlfriend then?” Pursing your lips, you egg him to go on with a raise of your eyebrow. Jimin’s eyes widen and he shakes his head back and forth. “No! No...it’s not like that...she’s actually my boss.” 

His hesitant explanation doesn’t convince you one bit. Surely, there’s all the more reason for him not to blatantly ignore you when his boss was seated right in front of you the whole time, wasn’t it? 

Jimin sighs as he watches your reaction, knowing his clarification didn’t suffice. “Well she isn’t my boss, per se, but she is the daughter of the woman who owns this cafe. Wait, they own the whole building, really.” 

Oh. 

“And uh…” Jimin gulps. Hard. “....the other day…” He looks around warily. “...I might have spilled coffee all over her dress...which was white…” 

Oh. 

Shit. 

“Why didn’t you just quit? It would have been easier.�� 

“I couldn’t. Not when Woocheon’s results weren’t out yet. I need my allowances too!” 

Just as if on a terrible cue, out of nowhere, Soomin appears beside Jimin. You weren’t about to abort from your original mission though. “Hah! Perfect timing! Um, Soomin, this is Jim…” Before you even finish your sentence, Jimin bows quickly, apologizes, then turns on his heel, declaring that he still had to get back to the kitchen to do stuff. 

Soomin remains silent, getting back to her seat quietly. You suddenly feel bad for her, seeing how Jimin makes every attempt to ignore her, and gets away with it every time. 

Unfortunately and unlike Chohee, you are unable to get out of an awkward situation in a snap of a finger, so you apologize in Jimin’s stead first. “I’m so sorry, uh, he can be really shy at first…” Hopefully that wasn’t a complete lie?

Much to your surprise, Soomin waves it off with a smile. “It’s no worry, really. He’s probably still bothered with him spilling coffee all over my dress but I assured him a couple of times that it wasn’t that big of a deal. And that I always have extra clothes stashed in my car.” 

Soomin shrugs as she takes a sip of her lemonade. “I told Jimin it was nothing afterwards, but he wouldn’t stop apologizing...and now he won’t look at me too.” You’re at a total loss, amazed at how she calmly and easily handled that situation like a true boss. 

“Besides, dwelling on such a small thing won’t be worth it. Not when we’ll be spending an entire year together…” 

You go over her statement again, partly confused. An entire year together? She meant the internship, probably? And above all that - she knew about Jimin too, even when the boy won’t even let himself get five meters close to Soomin?” 

“Ah yes, I’m sure Jimin has told you about Woocheon as well right?” 

Well, you were aware of that, but you weren’t so sure about how she knew about yours and Jimin’s applications. “Yeah...um, but….I’m sorry, was there a list online that mentioned all the chosen applicants for the internship program?” 

“Oh right - I sort of know some people from Woocheon who have told me about those who got accepted...It still feels like it was just yesterday when I was registering my classes for med school and now we're finally here!” 

The two of you toast the future, clinking your glasses of lemonade together. Nothing could get better than having your friends become your workmates too. Surely, it’s a sad fact that Chohee won’t be going to the same hospital as you would, but you’re beyond elated that she got into DMC where she’d always wanted to work at. 

At least you’ve got Jimin and Soomin by your side now, and hopefully, new friends you’ll meet along the way.

© joontier 2021

[necr0bvnny]

Nuclear Fusion - Chapter 1

Pairing: Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus x Original Female Character

Genres: Action, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, From Nobody to Nightmare, Mad Scientist(s)

Content/Warnings: Fluff, First Meetings

Summary:

Dr. Kali Kavanah, a timid woman with a genius intellect, works as the head biochemist at Oscorp Industries. Her sheltered life changes when Norman Osborn assigns her to create a special formula for him with the help of Dr. Otto Octavius. What follows is a rollercoaster of romance, betrayal, and their descent into villainy.

A/N: Hi there!! This series will basically be both a Doc Ock x OC fic and the origin story for my Spider-Man villain OC! I’ll be making art for some of the chapters (plus art for my Spider-verse in general) and adding content warnings to certain ones because I do plan for this story to get graphic at times. I hope you all enjoy!! 😊💚

Link to AO3 post

————

“Do I feel happy in life? Um.. Let’s see. Well, I do hope I’m finding happiness. For me, if I can realise certain things in my work, I come the closest to being happy and I can say that also about my life. It only happens in moments, sometimes when I'm working and I’ll be able to fulfill a project successfully and then I think I'm the happiest. While I find it very stimulating to keep studying and working, I'm not just generally happy. If I'm generally anything I'd say I’m generally miserable, hehe!”

The white mice stared up curiously at Kali as she spoke to them in a tranquil tone. Of course, they said nothing back. She liked to pretend that they did though.

“.... I don't know.” She sighed.

Kali tended to work with animals more than people now ever since being promoted to head scientist. This was both a blessing and a curse however. She loved the animals dearly and valued them as lab partners, but nothing could beat real human interaction. While she was forever grateful to be given her position after years of hard work, she wished her boss would be a little more kind. Just because she has the brain power to complete every project he throws at her doesn't mean she should be doing it all alone. But she guessed this was his way of keeping her on her toes.

She lifted one of the mice up to her shoulder and rewarded it with a small piece of an apple that she had been eating, then made sure to give the others in the glass terrarium a few slices to share as well. Nobody went hungry in Dr. Kavanah's lab.

With her test subjects fed, she picked up the cage and walked to return them with the other animals. Within a few minutes Kali was back at her lab.

Upon entering, she was surprised to see her boss standing in the middle of the room waiting for her to return. Norman Osborn, CEO of Oscorp. Wearing a dark green suit so clean that it looked as though it was bought that morning, he stood tall and proud while opening a briefcase up on one of the tables.

"Good news, Kali. I have a new project to keep you busy." He handed her a document which she immediately opened with glee and began speed-reading the first page.

"Thank you, sir! What did you have in mind?"

"I’ve just struck up a deal with a veterinary pharmaceutical company. I was hoping you can create a sort of.. animal steroid for me. All of the effects they want to see are written down for you to go over later.”

Kali closed the documents and sat them down on the closest work table, sensing that that wasn’t all Norman had to say. “Of course, sir. I’ll begin as soon as possible.”

“There is one more thing you must know about this project. The company has requested that we use some benign radioactive ingredients in the formula. Seeing as how your specialty is biochemistry, I’ve hired you a lab partner that can help you with the more sensitive materials you'll be handling."

Turning around to face the entrance, Norman then half-shouted, "Come on in."

Suddenly all of Kali's attention was on the new company entering the lab. In walked Dr. Otto Octavius, head scientist at the U.S Atomic Research Center. She felt her heart get caught in her throat as he came right up to her and offered his hand with a smile.

"Good evening, Dr. Kavanah. It's a pleasure to be working with you."

"Oh, it is an honor, Dr. Octavius! I've read nearly all of your articles and interviews."

"Please, we're going to be working together for quite a while. Just call me Otto."

"Yes, sir! I-I mean Otto.. " After realizing she was still shaking his hand, she awkwardly let go, earning a quiet chuckle from him.

"Well, now that I have you two geniuses together I should be off. Good luck." With that, Osborn was out the door before anyone could respond.

"Please, make yourself at home! The office and bathroom are that way," Kali pointed to the door and window at the far right of the laboratory.

"Ah, thank you, dear. I'll be back shortly."

Otto walked off into the office and shut the door behind him, though she couldn't see what he was doing as the window had it's blinds drawn.

Kali stood alone in the middle of the lab, still trying to process everything that was happening. She couldn't believe it. Otto Octavius himself was going to be working with her, her of all people! She had seen him in person before but only from afar at a science convention a few years ago. At that time he was first introducing the world to the concept of his masterpiece, the four-armed apparatus that he used for handling nuclear material. He had since finished it but she had only seen it in pictures. She wondered for a moment if he was going to be bringing it to her lab, and the excitement at the idea forced a little squeal out of her.

Soon enough Dr. Octavius finally exited the office holding a magazine and chuckling to himself. Once he was back in front of Kali, he showed the front cover of it to her to reveal an image of himself standing proudly in front of a mechanical arm displayed on the table behind him. Kali's cheeks burned with embarrassment.

"I see you weren't lying about being a fan. I'm guessing you may know me better as 'Doctor Octopus' as my coworkers have grown fond of calling me."

"No, sir. I believe name calling like that is a petty tactic used by the weak-minded to undermine those they don't understand."

Otto smiled wider at her words.

"Y'know, I've done my own fair share of reading about you as well. Your work is nothing short of brilliance."

Kali perked up a bit at his compliment, her cheeks burning for a different reason now. "Really?"

"Of course! I've been meaning to get in touch with you even before Osborn hired me. Seeing as how we have some free time at the moment, I'd like to get to know you better if that's alright? We are lab partners now after all."

He pulled up two chairs, sitting down in one and offering the other one to her. Kali sat down across from him with an awkward smile and thanked him.

"Um, well… I don't know what to say, hehe. I suppose you can ask me anything you're curious about!"

Kali couldn't remember the last time she had sat down with someone and talked back and forth for who knows how long, laughing and simply enjoying each other's presence. Otto asked her many questions about herself, though none too personal. Everything he wanted to know about her seemed to be trivial, things such as 'how do you like your tea?' and 'do you have any pets?'. Things Kali didn't think anyone would ever care to know about her. And yet here he was, wanting to know and seeming fully invested as she spoke about herself.

Hours passed and eventually Otto checked his watch, realizing that it was time to go home. Kali was genuinely surprised, as it only felt like minutes had gone by. As they said their goodbyes for the night, her world seemed to fade back to grey as he left the laboratory. But knowing she would see him again the next day brought a toothy smile back to her face. Moving into the office, she fell back onto the couch on the right side of the room and let out a joyous sigh. Rats may have been adorable companions, but they couldn't ask you how your day was or flash you a genuine, debonair smile like Otto could.

Her heart swelled within her chest as she spent the rest of the night thinking about her new friend.

[shipping-receiving]

“Is there a chance you won’t be okay?”

An Analysis of Hwang Si-mok and Han Yeo-jin’s Final Scene in Stranger/Secret Forest Season 2

Alright, it’s been almost a week, I’m still crying every time I re-watch this scene, and somehow I’ve written 3,500 words about five minutes of this damn show, so here we go:

As with Stranger/Secret Forest Season 1, Si-mok and Yeo-jin’s final scene in Season 2 ended with a farewell meal, complete with soju. On a very basic level, this meal felt significant in a season where Si-mok was subject, more than ever, to interrupted meals or meals he didn’t particularly want to be present for – at least until he was able to have a drink with Yeo-jin in 2x12, and then lunch with her in 2x13.

More importantly, though, this scene is the most loaded scene we’ve ever witnessed between these two characters. That’s saying something for such a nuanced, detail-oriented show, in which two people placing their phones in a storage locker at a detention centre can possess such emotional weight, particularly when played by two actors who make very subtle and sophisticated acting choices.

I’m struck particularly by the way this scene bursts with subtext – things unsaid and unresolved – when Lee Soo-yeon could just as easily have written a neater, more light-hearted exchange that reaffirmed their connection, more along the lines of their final scene in 1x16. There are a thousand other ways their farewell could have been presented to us that would have given a greater or at least a more comfortable sense of finality, even taking into account their character development over this season. This lack of resolution is evident not just from what happened during the scene, but also when the scene happened within the episode itself. The meal occurred after Yeo-jin had been bullied by her colleagues, but before she met her new boss – at this point, it seemed to the viewer that her promotion would likely bring not the pride she experienced in S1, but more challenges and isolation.

More so than the Seo Dong-jae cliffhanger, this scene makes me think that this was written with a future Season 3 arc in mind, one in which Si-mok and Yeo-jin’s relationship will continue to evolve and deepen substantially (whether that will be ‘romantic’ remains to be seen). Considering they’re the core partnership of this series, there was a deliberate withholding of stability in their farewell, rather than an affirmation of it. I won’t go so far as to say destabilisation – because despite their separation, I think their bond is more profound than ever – but at the bare minimum an absence of certainty, when it could have been written otherwise.

Anyway, on to the breakdown:

The scene opens with Si-mok carefully folding a napkin and placing cutlery on it for Yeo-jin, a simple gesture of care that Cho Seung-woo plays with a startlingly gentle attentiveness. Immediately, it signals that there’s been a shift in Si-mok – how he’s able, at least with Yeo-jin, to do something that isn’t just polite, but also thoughtful. The director even snuck in a little clue that Si-mok is thinking of Yeo-jin as he’s doing this – Yeo-jin actually appears at the left side of the frame from the start, as the camera pans over to Si-mok: 

In this shot, Si-mok is visually separated from Yeo-jin by a pillar. This could be read on the one hand as a kind of sectioning out of his mental space – a visualisation of his thoughts of her as he prepares her cutlery – and on the other hand, as a foreshadowing of their impending separation. (I do, however, enjoy the first interpretation more. It reminds me a little bit of her sketch of the inside of his head from 1x06.)

Back to the napkin: if you look closer, Si-mok didn’t fold a napkin for himself – his spoon and chopsticks are on the table next to his bowl – so this isn’t just a matter of neatly setting the table for their meal. In a very small way, he’s anticipating her needs, just as she has done with him in much more demonstrative ways in both seasons (helping him with his headaches being the most obvious one). This isn’t something he’s necessarily actively worked on in the past two years; he’s still the person who doesn’t instinctively say ‘hello’ over the phone, or ask after someone’s kids without being reminded. Yet, it’s a capacity for care that has expanded significantly, at least where Yeo-jin is concerned.

Compare his behaviour with the equivalent scene in 1x16 – back then, he only ordered a bowl of noodles for himself and not for her. Interestingly, Yeo-jin’s comment to Si-mok during that part of the S1 scene was, “Gosh, you haven’t changed one bit,” suggesting that he was, by nature, somehow unable to be considerate to someone else. Just from the opening to the S2 scene, we see that that comment is not or no longer true, at least when it comes to the way he acts around her. In both the S1 and S2 scenes, he was the first person to arrive for their meal; in S1, the first thing he said was, “Why are you late?” and had already ordered his soju and noodles. This time, however, Yeo-jin asks him, “Why didn’t you order something first?” – implying that although she was late again, he was patiently waiting for her to arrive.

There’s also a difference in the way he responds to her appearance. Now, I personally don’t think we can frame Si-mok’s connection with and care for Yeo-jin in conventional understandings of romantic attraction (which is not to say romance isn’t possible for them canonically, I just think it will manifest differently). Nevertheless, I’d say that he responds to her haircut in a way that is probably as close to the mechanics of attraction as we could possibly expect from Si-mok – not just the shock of “oh, you cut your hair,” but lingering looks and nostalgia for when they first met; nothing at all like noticing that she’s wearing lipstick and saying, not so kindly, that it looks weird. In fact, in a direct parallel to this moment in 1x16, Yeo-jin asks him if her haircut is “weird”, and he says, “I just meant it’s different.”

(I think the way he stares at her is not wholly due to being ‘transfixed’, but also because he’s trying to figure out what such a drastic change means, and why now, and whether he has to worry. Basically, his brain is trying to compute; part of his stare is him trying to analyse her behaviour, just as part of it is him revisiting his memories of her from two years ago, and part of it might well be an attraction he doesn’t quite understand or know how to reel in. He does stare at her for an inordinately long time.)

Switching over to Yeo-jin, I really enjoy this little routine of hers when they have meals together – how she narrows down options for him to a series of questions, and even helps him decide on occasion. It never feels like she’s trying to speak for him, but rather that she knows his likes and dislikes. Her question in this scene – makgeolli or soju – is phrased like her question in 2x02, when she asks him to choose between stir-fried octopus and hot pot; when she specifically requests a lot of cabbages, she must be thinking of how he ate lots of them in 2x12. This kind of care comes naturally to Yeo-jin – we’re talking about the person who took in a murder victim’s mother in S1 – but it’s still a form of intimacy, and one that Si-mok is clearly used to as well.

Soon, though, we have our first indication that things might not be so comfortable – not in the sense that their bond has weakened, but that there are fundamental shifts occurring in both of their lives that affect this bond. Si-mok, after a lot more staring, points out that her short hair reminds him of when they first met. (He wouldn’t have needed to take that much time to come up with that simple observation, which makes me think he was trying to choose his words carefully.) With enthusiasm, Yeo-jin responds with, “I haven’t changed a bit, right?” – echoing her comment about Si-mok in 1x16.

Perhaps Yeo-jin had meant this comment sincerely in the moment, but given context, her cheerfulness feels performative. We’ve just witnessed her crying after being bullied by her colleagues, in contrast to the warmth that she enjoys with her old Yongsan team; we’ve observed her changes – a result of maturity, disillusionment, a loss of innocence – throughout the whole season. In fact, she seems to have cut her hair precisely because she feels weighed down by all that has unfolded, just as one might after a break-up or some kind of painful life event. It’s a decision that seems to say: I acknowledge that everything has changed around me, but maybe doing this will make me feel like myself again, or the ‘myself’ of two years ago.

Si-mok, of course, isn’t quite so able to agree that she hasn’t changed. Multiple times this season, he’s observed the changes in her – “You don’t draw these days?” in 2x06, “Didn’t you want to work in police administration?” in 2x08, “You weren’t the kind of person to postpone things.” in 2x12. Now, he doesn’t respond to her question, and instead looks at her in silence, smiling only ever so slightly when she shakes her head playfully (and we know that she can make him smile wider than that). Perhaps he’s even choosing to withhold any judgment of her. But this is a moment, I think, that factors into his decision to ask her that question at the end of this scene.

Next, we have confirmation that Si-mok was the one who asked Yeo-jin out for dinner, just as he had in 2x02 once he’d settled into his new posting. It isn’t clear in 1x16 if it was Yeo-jin who’d asked to meet Si-mok when she found out he was being posted to Namhae, but it’s been affirmed twice this season that he prioritises this time with her (even more so than meeting his own mother). Then, he breaks the news to her that he is leaving for Gangwon Province this weekend.

In 1x16, Yeo-jin finds out that Si-mok is leaving from the special investigation team, without Si-mok being present. At the time, they still think he’ll be sent to the US for training, and Yeo-jin is visibly disappointed. She has the same crestfallen look on her face in this scene, in front of Si-mok. She doesn’t want to be separated from him, and when she asks about his cases, it seems she’d expected him to stay for quite a while longer to see them through. Mind you, Wonju is only about 1.5 hours drive from Seoul (yes, I mapped it), but Yeo-jin still looks like she’s had the rug pulled from under her. Perhaps, in an uncertain time, she’d hoped that Si-mok would be in her life more than the few weeks he’d spent in Seoul.

Yeo-jin’s responses in both 1x16 and 2x16 are a pretty big indicator that she has feelings for Si-mok (whether she’s aware or willing to acknowledge those feelings is another matter). I suppose one could argue that her reaction is simply out of sadness at the thought of being separated from a friend, but based on certain events in S2 – for example, Choi Bit questioning Yeo-jin about her relationship with Si-mok, and Yeo-jin deflecting – I think the viewer is at the very least meant to question whether their bond is truly ‘platonic’. This isn’t the type of show to include superfluous details just to tease their viewers, and in any case, Si-mok and Yeo-jin’s connection has only deepened through the course of this season despite being on opposing sides of the council. It feels like the emotional stakes are much higher this time than back in S1.

As Yeo-jin is absorbing this news from Si-mok, there are a couple of little details here that feel significant to me, but could be nothing: first, the way Si-mok half-holds out his hand as Yeo-jin is pouring her soju, just as he’d held out his hand when she was pouring makgeolli in 2x13. Second, how she pours out a cup of soju for herself first, but not for Si-mok. In any other situation, it might seem impolite – after all, Si-mok is the one who’d chosen the drink – but here it seems that she’s pouring a drink to steady or busy herself more than anything, and she doesn’t drink from it till after their toast.

Following this, Yeo-jin confides in Si-mok that “I never thought the council would end like this. [...] Will the higher-ups be replaced with more honest people while I’m catching bad men out there?” When he replies with, “Why are you talking as if those two are the same?”, it’s yet another of his probing questions, questions she never seems to have an answer to. The Yeo-jin of old would never have assumed that all the higher-ups are dishonest – she has always seen the good in people – but she feels betrayed by Choi Bit, the one person she sincerely respected. Here, she changes the topic rather than opening up, reverting to her most comfortable mode of showing care for someone else by asking Si-mok why he looks so tired. It’s a guardedness that we’re not used to seeing from Yeo-jin; when Si-mok met with Choi Bit at the start of the episode, he describes Yeo-jin as someone who “opens up easily”, even if she doesn’t “blindly trust or respect just about anybody”.

While Yeo-jin is evasive, Si-mok is more willing to be vulnerable in comparison. His openness isn’t surprising, given that Si-mok has shared more about his life and thoughts with her than with anyone else, but it is still heartwarming to see. Instead of brushing off Yeo-jin’s comment, he tells her about his dream of the prosecutors from the Western Office. For anyone else, this might not seem like a significant conversation topic, but for someone who hardly ever dreams (which Si-mok mentioned in S1), it feels like he’s sharing something special with her. This dream, and his factual recounting of it, seems to be a means for his brain to process the traumatic events of two years ago.

Before Si-mok tells Yeo-jin about his dream, there’s a quick insertion here – a lament about seeing your boss in your dreams – that suggests that she is still troubled about Choi Bit, more than she’s letting on. Again, Si-mok doesn’t push her to elaborate, though I think he’s been absorbing all the things that seem off with Yeo-jin since she arrived. Yeo-jin proceeds to analyse his dream in her head, but doesn’t verbalise her interpretation (that Yoon Se-won might be considering suicide, since he went off in the same direction as two characters who have both passed). As she’s deep in thought, Si-mok tilts his head questioningly at her; she says that he probably won’t have time to go anywhere else this weekend, implying that she was thinking of bringing him with her to visit Yoon.

Knowing that Si-mok won’t be able to come with her, however, leaves Yeo-jin resigned. As she announces, “All right, then,” I wonder if this is the moment that she’s choosing to steel herself. The two people she treasures and respects most in her life (Si-mok and Choi Bit) are disappearing from it, and she will have to learn to move forward without them.

Now, we come to their toast. In the corresponding scene in S1, their toast is bittersweet, but has a sense of resolution; upbeat piano music plays in the background as Yeo-jin says, “Goodbye, I won’t be able to see you off,” while Si-mok echoes that with, “Good luck in your new position. Sorry I can’t attend the ceremony.” In S2, the music is quieter, and much more sombre – I’ve been describing it in my head as ‘breathy sad wooooo music’ – even as Yeo-jin laughs and says, a little helplessly: “It feels like we keep repeating this.”

Si-mok, on his part, doesn’t even echo her laugh with anything more than the barest smile. Instead, he says, with a deep sincerity: “Take care, Senior Inspector Han.” As I mentioned earlier, there are many ways that they could have written or played this scene to convey even a little more resolution – choosing different music, or having Si-mok smile along with Yeo-jin, or even giving Yeo-jin a bit more notice of his departure so that she can prepare a gift (as if to say, she doesn’t draw as much these days, but she would for his sake). But the viewer is made to feel all of their reluctance, even sadness at this separation, even if those feelings are hidden beneath pleasantries. “Well, I guess I’ll be okay,” Yeo-jin says, as if there’s a possibility that she won’t be – that this is something she has to recover from in the future.

Si-mok considers her words, her phrasing, her demeanour, tilts his head at her again and says: “Is there a chance you won’t be okay?”

This, above all other lines, shows how much Si-mok has grown in the past couple of years because of Yeo-jin’s influence. Whereas he started S1 cold, guarded, and isolated from the rest of his colleagues, he has arrived at a point where he has cultivated enough of an emotional sensitivity to ask her this question – to show her care, just as she has shown care to him and other people around her. I’d even venture to say that Si-mok feels, himself, that there’s a chance he won’t be as okay with their separation as he might have been two years ago. In 2x05, during the conversation with Seo Dong-jae outside the prison, Dong-jae asks Si-mok: “You don’t feel a tad bit sad even if you’re sent far away, do you?” Si-mok answers, “No.” That doesn’t feel so definitive anymore. There isn’t anything either Si-mok or Yeo-jin can do, given that they both prioritise their careers and understand that these careers follow a certain trajectory, but parting feels a little bit harder this time.

Yeo-jin answers Si-mok’s question as reassuringly as she can, with an adorable smile and shake of the head; she lets out an “ah” after she downs her soju, as if to reorient herself. Yet, her cheerfulness in the rest of the scene – her excitement at the food, her over-enthusiastic chewing – rings empty as the sombre music continues to play in the background. For perhaps the first time in the entire series, there is something about Yeo-jin that seems feigned. Strangely, it is Si-mok’s blank expression that represents the more authentic emotion in this scene – communicating the very resignation that Yeo-jin must be feeling inside, beneath a facade that might read as comical in any other context.

“Is there a chance you won’t be okay?” is, in fact, the last thing that Si-mok says in this whole scene, despite quite a few more lines of dialogue from Yeo-jin. The way he looks at her for the rest of the scene, though, is charged with meaning. It seems to say: ‘I don’t really believe that you’re okay, but I’m going to give you space because I can tell you don’t really want to talk right now.’ It’s not as if Yeo-jin hasn’t confided in him before – their phone call in 1x15 was especially intimate – so it’s not that Si-mok is incapable of listening to her. Still, he respects her choice to deflect, and continues to observe her closely while ignoring the pajeon, even leaning forward right at the end of the scene. This very overt concentration on her is something we’ve never really seen from Si-mok before; even in the rooftop scene in 2x06, which is probably the most loaded scene they share after this one, they’re standing beside each other and rarely make eye contact. Here, his focus on Yeo-jin is palpable.

As much as this scene felt heartbreaking to me (thanks breathy sad wooooo music), it actually left me with a lot of optimism for the development of their relationship in the future. Lee Soo-yeon has said that she has enough material for five seasons of the show, and while I’m not so sure we’ll get as many seasons as that, it feels like she’s pushed Si-mok and Yeo-jin out of their comfortable friendship – planting the question, “is there a chance we won’t be okay?” I wonder if we’ll see something quite different in the third season (which is apparently in discussion!), which surely won’t see them on opposing sides again.

I’ve been burned by enough ships that can potentially be read as ‘platonic’ to know that I shouldn’t hope for any overt romance, but Si-mok is such a unique character and has such a unique connection with Yeo-jin that I’m hopeful that their relationship could be deepened with nuance, even if it doesn’t become romantic in ‘recognisable’ ways. (I have other thoughts on his asexuality/aromanticism that I won’t get into here.) It’s precisely because their connection is built on mutual trust, respect, and understanding that it remains so compelling, and I think this scene promises growth, and some resolution, whenever we see them next.

[spencerspecifics]

New oneshot alert!! @spencers-renaissance asked for this so here we are!! They asked “OK OK I’ve got so many ideas that I’ll never write SO. I really want to read a fic where a fem reader is dating emily and they’ve been together for Years. and then I want to read some cute fluff of her visiting emily when she becomes unit chief? and she’s really fond for the reader and she’s friends with the bau too, especially spencer and penelope! I just wanna feel like I’m emily’s whole world is that too much to ask ���”

And no it’s not. And I’m sorry but I lowkey made it angsty ugh sorry. I love emily sm so here we go! (Also this is my first wlw writing piece so please don’t be too harsh!)

f!reader x emily prentiss

———————————————————————

Moya Lyubov'

———————————————————————

You hadn’t been able to see her this past month, and it was weighing on you like a stone. It’s not like you never saw emily, more though it was only through sleepy late night FaceTime calls and selfies she’d send to you to remind you that she loved you. And as much as you loved that, and secretly saved all those pictures to your cloud, you needed her.

Real her, not selfies and calls. You had to see her. You had to be able to reach out and hold her hand, and push her hair back out of her face and give her a kiss and know that she was a real person again. Because at times, it felt like she was a ghost.

Of course, you signed up for all of this when you two did start dating so long ago. Emily had practically tried to convince you out of dating her, because she knew the strain of her work would compromise all the romance she’d ever get. But you didn’t care. You were there with texts and late night FaceTime calls, and hell; sometimes she’d even relay case information to you and you’d offer up an angle she may have not considered.

It worked, the life you and her had built together. And you’d continue to make sure it worked until you were two old ladies sitting in rocking chairs and reminiscing about how young you used to be. But for now, you missed her. And you had to go see her.

~

And you did, it wasn’t uncommon for agents spouses to come through to see their partners when they were working overtime- which emily had been doing to an extreme as of late, not to mention she had flown out twice this month to consult on other cases, and the fact she had just been promoted. Her entire life was in the office right now, and you were more than willing to accommodate. If you were there, you knew it would just be better.

And you didn’t come empty handed, you knew well enough now to not show up without treats for the rest of the team. So when you showed up, you had two drink carrier’s worth of coffee with you.

You arrived quickly, as you couldn’t carry two drink carriers for too long- you were bound to drop one. And you made your way into the bullpen, “Well hello there gorgeous, what’re you bringing us coffee for?” Derek asked as he looked up from his case files, a tired smile on his face. He’s probably been here all day too.

You smiled back, him complimenting you didn’t phase you. Derek was naturally flirty and kind towards everyone, it took you a while to understand that at first, but now you were totally comfortable with him- and the rest of the team. J.J. made her way from her desk in the bullpen over to you once she saw you with the coffee carriers.

“Y/n, hey! What’s all this for?” She asked you happily as she gave you a hug, the team was very touchy (except for Spencer, which you didn’t mind either way.) so you accepted all the hugs and shoulder pats they gave you. It meant they accepted you for who you were, and that was the most important thing. After all, they were Emily’s family.

“No reason, really,” you explained as you reached into the drink carriers to find everyone’s orders. “I just wanted to come see em, and I thought coffee would be a nice surprise for everyone.”

“Thank you. And if Prentiss doesn’t marry you, I will. Team can’t afford to lose you now.” Derek gladly spoke as he reached over for the coffee, you handed it over to him with a wordless smile. You almost loved the team as much as emily did. Almost, because obviously you’ve never had to wrestle serial killers with them, and you only really can pack bond with people after you’ve done that.

J.J. grabbed her coffee, giving you one last ‘thanks’ before heading back to her desk. She seemed to be in the middle of something, which was no bother to you.

“Where’s Spencer?” You asked Derek after a moment, realizing it was only really him and J.J. in the bullpen currently.

“I think him and Garcia are in with your girl,” Derek said as he pointed up to where Emily’s new office was. The blinds were drawn shut, this was either really good or really bad. Or nothing.

“Are they in trouble?” You couldn’t help but ask, not sure if the question sounded dumb or not. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I think it’s more of a friend talk, than a professional talk.” Morgan explained, sipping on his coffee casually.

You nodded, grabbing the coffee carriers off of his desk, “I’m going up there, giving Rossi his coffee before going to interrupt whatever they’re up to.”

“You go, girl.” Derek said supportingly as he swiveled around in his desk chair, focusing back on his computer monitor.

~

True to your word, you stopped into Rossi’s office and dropped a coffee off at his desk, he was on the phone in a heated debate, arguing about god know’s what;

“Martino, I’m not paying you to tell me your opinion- if I wanted that I’d walk into a bar!” Rossi raised his voice into the receiver, he briefly looked over at you and pulled the phone away from his mouth so he could talk to you, “Grazie, amore. My publisher’s an idiot.” He sighed, as if you could understand what it felt like to be a published author.

All you did was nod in response, “I hope he gets his head out of his ass.” You joked, Rossi chuckled in response, “Yeah, me too,” before turning the phone back to his mouth so he could yell some more, “You think I won’t take my business elsewhere? You want to doubt my integrity?! You’re on thin ice!” He reached for the coffee you brought him with ease, looking up at you with a wordless ‘thanks’ in his eyes.

“See you later.” You spoke softly to Rossi, moving towards the door, he nodded in confirmation. At you or the publisher, you weren’t sure. But with that, you left, shutting the door quietly behind you before walking to Emily’s new office.

~

You didn’t knock, instead just walking in. It wasn’t like you had a sense of superiority surrounding the fact your girlfriend was now the unit chief of the fucking BAU, but it was also just a bit of that. You couldn’t help it, she reached new heights she never would’ve imagined, you wanted to relish in it with her.

So you entered with ease, Spencer was sat in one of the guest chairs, Penelope was standing next to him, and Emily was on the opposite side of the desk. Her new name plaque simply read; “SSA Emily Prentiss- BAU Unit Chief”.

Everyone stopped when you entered, Spencer looked over at you from over the top of the chair, meanwhile Garcia turned a full one eighty, and Emily just raised her eyes to meet yours, immediately a small smile spreading on her face.

“Hi! Y/n, what’re you doing here?” Penelope asked giddily, always excited to see you and hug you and let you know that you were loved. She was the fucking best.

You raised the drink carriers as a weak excuse, “Thought you guys could use some coffee.” Garcia smiled happily, taking the carriers out of your hands gingerly, setting them down on Emily’s desk, immediately looking for her caramel grande extra shot vanilla almond milk whatever the hell she ordered.

“Did you bring one for me?” Spencer asked, “As if I wouldn’t. I know you don’t get enough sleep, Doctor.” You joked, he smiled sheepishly, and you pointed to a cup in the carrier, “That ones yours, it’s got an extra espresso shot.”

“You’re a life saver.” Spencer thanked you as he reached for it happily, you made your way past them and to Emily, who was still smiling softly at you, like you were the only person in the room. Her gaze was always so powerful, stopping you in your tracks, making you feel like it was only just her and you, and the rest of the world was static.

You smiled back at her, you couldn’t help it. “Hey, Unit Chief Prentiss.” You spoke, using her official title, a blush rushed up to her face, she looked bashfully down at the floor, she was beautiful.

“Okay, me and Reid are gonna dip because you two beautiful ladies need some alone time but we will talk later Emily! Y/n, thank you, I love you!” Garcia spoke happily as she set the last coffee, Emily’s coffee, onto her desk, before finally giving Reid the “let’s go” look; who nodded and got up out of the chair himself.

“Thanks y/n, I appreciate the coffee. Emily, please let us go.” He directed his final words at her, emily just chuckled in response, “Reid, unless serial killers stop for two weeks, I don’t think you and Garcia can go to that convention.”

“What about all my vacation days?” “They don’t cover half a months worth of absences.” “Can I take some of Rossi’s?” Spencer asked, getting off track- forgetting he was supposed to leave.

“Reid, c’mon!” Garcia called for him from the hallway, Spencer obliged, leaving with one final nod back at you, before turning and shutting the door behind him quietly.

~

“I missed you.” Prentiss spoke after Spencer left. Emily was always so reserved in front of the team, but alone, she would shower you with attention and love. It was an interesting personality shift to see.

“I missed you too,” you responded easily, leaning down to catch her lips in a chaste kiss.

“God, I missed you.” She repeated herself after she had pulled away. “I really, really fucking missed you.” You smiled, a smile that hurt your face if you kept it up for too long- which you knew you would. You couldn’t help it. Emily was an infectious disease, the kind that took over your body first, making you crave her, and then taking over your eyes, making you dream of her; and finally, over taking your mind and heart; only making you think of her and long for her. It was her, it would only ever be her that made you feel this way. And you didn’t care, all you cared about was her. And you had her, finally, thank god.

You couldn’t stop yourself, leaning in to kiss her again happily. You had missed her, you had missed this. You had missed being with her, talking to her, seeing her smile in real life- and not over video. This was like breathing fresh air after breathing in smoke fumes for hours, it was exactly what you needed. And it was exactly what she needed.

The kiss ended, you pulled away and moved back, towards the guest chair so you could sit and converse with her. She didn’t take her eyes off of you while you moved, and once you were seated she spoke again.

“This is perfect.” You raised your eyebrows, a signal as if to say ‘continue’, because you weren’t sure what she was referring to. “Having you, in my brand new office- where I’m unit chief. This feels like a dream.” You gave her a soft smile, “It’s what you deserve, you’ve worked so hard to get here, em.” You told her comfortingly. She deserved everything she’s gotten so far, this promotion especially.

Emily couldn’t stop herself from smiling and blushing, it was the one thing you could always end up doing to her, make her melt. It was your superpower.

“I don’t think I deserve you sometimes,” She admitted after a beat of silence, you stayed quiet as you watched the gears turn behind her eyes. What was she trying to say?

“You’re too good to me.” Emily settled on saying after a moment of thinking, “Seriously, this entire month I’ve been swamped with shit and you’ve just been fucking amazing to me and...” she trailed off, sighing.

“You can’t control the fact so much happened.” You offered up. Because it’s true, everything just started randomly, and now she was here. “I can’t,” Emily acknowledged, nodding. “But I can control how much I talk to you. And it’s not as nearly as much as I’d like it to be, baby, I’m sorry.”

She continued; “I’ve not been doing enough for you. I love you. I don’t care about work half as much as I care about you. I don’t want this month to last any longer, I just want to be with you; watching stupid rom coms and eating takeout with you and cuddling with you and Sergio at night, like how we do when I’m not on a case.” She rambled on towards the end, but her statement was clear.

“You don’t have to say work isn’t as important, I know especially with the promotion-“ you started, ready to excuse Emily’s apology. Because she didn’t necessarily have to apologize, but her being busy had affected you both.

She cut you off, however, “You are the only person who has made me believe I can have a life outside of my work. You’re the only person I want to spend time with, babe. Everyone on the team is mandatory, and I love them, but not like I love you. You’re my everything, you’re...” she trailed off, needing a second to find the words.

“You’re my world. At this point, I don’t want to be here without you next to me.”

You couldn’t respond, you weren’t sure how. Emily’s love had always been intense and passionate. But now? It was mixing with an apology she didn’t need to give, and one you didn’t deserve to receive.

“If my work keeps me this late ever again, I’m stepping down.” Emily ended her monologue of sorts with that, an intense ending.

“Emily,” you spoke softly, “I don’t want you to give this up, this is good..” you said, looking around the office as if to further prove your girlfriend had achieved so much, and shouldn’t throw it away.

“If it gets between us, it isn’t any good.” Emily spoke easily, this wasn’t a decision in her mind. She had already come to this conclusion, when, you weren’t sure. Maybe it was just moments ago, or maybe it was on your seventh FaceTime call where you admitted you hated not seeing her in real time. You’d never know when, but all you knew now was that she was firm in her decision. And she never doubles back on a choice.

“Babe..” you whispered now, quieter than normal. You didn’t want to get in the way, and it felt like you were- but she was telling you that you weren’t.

“You’re my favorite part of the day. You’re my love.” Emily admitted easily, originally it had been hard for her to open up in your relationship. But once you had shown you’d stick around through everything, she opened up like a book. And now she had no shame within telling you how much she loved you. Sometimes she’d even say it in her sleep when you both would lay down after a long day of work, anxieties, losses. She’d still always keep you in the fore-front of her mind, you never knew how.

“...I love you..” was all you could muster up saying, you weren’t sure what else needed to be said. Or what you could say. It felt like everything was being whispered right now, as if either of you spoke too loud, something would break.

Emily’s soft smile never wavered as she got up from her chair, pushing it in, and rounding the desk to stand in front of you.

“Let’s get out of here, moya lyubov'.” She spoke softly, the universe still seemed so quiet within her office. You felt the heat rise to your face as you heard her say “moya lyubov'”, it was Russian for “my love”, and it was one of the few phrases Emily knew.

She always called you pet names, loving names, even in her sleep she’d say it. But moya lyubov' was a special phrase. It was for those nights when so much was wanting to be said, but you couldn’t come up with the words, and by the end you both would be gasping for air, holding each other close instead.

So, neither of you would have to speak for infinity. Because as much as it mattered, moya lyubov' covered it all. It meant, “I’m sorry”, and it meant “you’re beautiful”, and it meant “I’m the luckiest person alive”, and most of all, it meant; “I am yours, and you are mine”.

So, as Emily Prentiss called you moya lyubov', you knew what she meant exactly. And she needn’t say more.

———————————————————————

[lyrebirdswrites]

not me drawing and interpreting proper astrological birth charts for the jjk main trio now that the official fan book finally gave us their birthplace in addition to their birthday 👀

Explanation under the cut! (edited to be more beginner friendly)

Quick disclaimer ig: this is just my personal interpretation of these placements. If you read the way I describe something and you think to yourself “hang on, I have this placement and this doesn’t sound like me at all” that would be because a) I am an amateur astrologer and I do this for fun, I don’t know everything about every sign/planet, and b) no placement exists in isolation - it’s influenced by the house it’s in as well as any other planets aspecting it - so it’s possible that the placement manifests in a less conventional/standard way due you because of such factors.

EDIT: my first draft of this post was not super beginner friendly so here’s a quick astrology 101 to help people understand wtf I’m talking about. Skip to the next photo if you don’t need a primer.

Everyone has ten main planets in their birth chart, each of those planets will fall under a different sign depending on when and where you were born. The planet governs an area of your personality, the sign shows what that area of your personality is like. Some quick definitions of the relevant planets for this post:

Sun: the one everyone thinks of when asked ‘what’s your star sign’. Your basic personality, your core, your ego.

Moon: symbolises emotion, intuition, your private internal world, and how feelings are expressed.

Mercury: symbolises communication, intellectual reasoning, and how you learn.

Venus: symbolises romance, aesthetics, how you socialize, and pleasure-seeking behaviours like shopping or sightseeing.

Mars: the source of your passion/drive/motivation. Symbolises where and how you expend your energy.

Retrograde: not a planet, just something the planets do sometimes. At some points in the year the planets look like they’re moving ‘backwards’ through the sky, and this alters their influence on the birth chart.

I think that’s probably enough but shoot me an ask if you’re curious/confused! I’m always happy to talk astrology (clearly lol)

Megumi... I always suspected he had scorpio influence somewhere in his chart and turns out I was right!! Not only scorpio venus but scorpio mars too?? I’m obsessed with this. Scorpio is a water sign (read: big on emotions), the embodiment of the phrase ‘still waters run deep’, and though scorpio placements are not always loud about their affection they tend to bond in a pretty intense way with their chosen people. Those venus and mars placements together really do speak of ride or die devotion - no wonder he’s Like That when it comes to Yuuji people he cares about.

His jupiter and saturn are both in retrograde; I would not have predicted it because I don’t think about natal retrograde all that much, but it actually makes a lot of sense imo. Retrograde jupiter usually indicates someone who is internally very philosophical in the sense that the person will define their own firm moral/ethical code instead of following a familial or societal belief system, which is pretty much megumi ‘I save people according to my own conscience’ fushiguro in a nutshell. While retrograde saturn is basically like. On the outside you’re stoic but on the inside you’re a worrywart, and you take responsibility Super Seriously but you also don’t like people with authority pushing you around needlessly. Which is also megumi in a nutshell lol.

His leo moon was a surprise but I honestly think it works for him because this is definitely where Unhinged Feral Megumi comes from: when he decides to go all out he gets such a flair for the dramatic. capricorn sun and capricorn mercury are pretty intuitive tbh, he really gives off capricorn vibes - practical, reserved, loyal, ambitious and tenacious, possessing a dry wit, capable of putting in steady hard work to get to where he wants to be.

I was already aware of Nobara’s leo sun because we’ve had their birth dates for a while now (birthplace is the new info which lets me draw the whole chart). But her cancer moon is such a lovely placement under that hard outer shell of hers. Nobara seems like she does not have a nurturing bone in her body, but it’s wrong to stereotype cancers as exclusively homebody motherly types - they have deep loyalty for their chosen family/home and they’ll go to the ends of the earth for those people in their own way whatever that may be... she really is a softie deep down 🥰 she really does care 🥰 thinkin about the end of her ch 125 flashback in this context

Nobara’s virgo mercury is actually kind of funny to me because while it indicates a natural gift for intellect and a talent for sorting out the fine details, it also has the potential to make someone a harsh critic who can nitpick and be quite blunt in stating their opinions... this is very Nobara, she does Not spare the feelings of anyone she is talking to lol.

Libra venus!! She has libra venus that’s so perfect!!! this placement is sophisticated and charming and always classy, these people adore that classic chocolates-and-roses romance but they turn love of all kinds into an art form. Traditionally the placement is also associated with people who care about beauty and harmony, who will go out of their way to look good for their companions. Also her leo mars... I love that. It’s really amplifying her bold outspoken flashy self-loving take-charge nature. Queen energy right here.

She has a bunch of natal retrogrades but the one I want to talk about is retrograde uranus... this one is Very fitting and again almost funny in the context of her character. You know how she’s always convinced she’s the only sane person in the room when actually she’s the unhinged one 24/7 and not self aware about that in the slightest? Yeah. That’s big retrograde uranus vibes.

Oh Yuuji... I could talk about your pisces sun all day 🥺 I could get Very technical and meta about the pisces association with the twelfth house and the fact that it’s ruled by neptune and what that says about his character, but I don’t have the room or the time so I’ll save that for another post. For now I’ll just say that the fact that he cares so deeply for others regardless of how well he knows them, the way he feels his feelings so intensely and is very intuituve/sensitive to others needs, him being interested in the occult before he ever found Sukuna’s fist finger, it all just seems more pisces to me than any other sign. And him having pisces mercury + pisces uranus in addition to his sun is also very sweet... our boy really thinks with his heart at all hours of the day doesn’t he?

His libra moon is such a fitting placement, too, because this moon is all about relationships - not just romance but bonds of all kinds, friends and family and companions of any sort. Yuuji as a character is so motivated by the bonds he shares with others and his desire to not be alone, especially on his deathbed. Libra moons are charming and personable and find it very easy to connect with others, they are deeply concerned with justice and will be accepting of everyone except for people who are cruel (exhibit a: just look how he responded to mahito). I think it’s a very apt moon for him to have.

Tbh if I were picking and choosing I might have loaded him up with yet more pisces energy and given him my favourite placement in the whole world, venus in pisces. But he actually has an aquarius venus and I think that’s so interesting! The part of this placement that speaks to his character for me is the way that aquarius venus love is defined by radical acceptance - there is never any judgement (I won’t judge you, Junpei!), because this venus seeks not only to see and understand but to be seen and understood in turn. Some say aquarius venus is an emotionally detached placement. I think that’s a mischaracterisation, but it is true that aquarius placements can be low key scared of intimacy and vulnerability even when they crave it lmao. An aquarius venus will sort through turmoil in their heart by retreating to think it over in isolation, rather than by submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known and reaching out. Manga readers if u know u know

All I can say about his capricorn mars is that it definitely embodies that determined protagonist vibe. Thoughts like ‘I want to get stronger, I want to be the best, I’ll put in the work to come out on top’ are very capricorn thoughts to have, and the drive and forward momentum associated with mars really push them to the front of his character. But also, again; an underdeveloped capricorn mars under stress will shut out possibilities for connection with loved ones by dedicating themselves to their job or cause. Yuuji learn healthy coping mechanisms challenge 2k21.